#and my sister was like 'no finn just saw a gay person and started panicking' like yeah that seems more likely

[livingforcoopsandoknutzy]

Prompt 50: "Please make it stop."

O'Knutzy

TW: panic attacks

Characters by the beautiful @lumosinlove

Logan wasn’t always an anxious person, most people didn’t even know he was but he had a talent for overthinking things, which was exactly what he was doing now.

   Finn and Leo were out getting dinner since Leo didn’t want to cook tonight and Logan was fine when they left but then he had gotten on Twitter to find hundreds of posts about people theorizing the actual relationship between Leo, Finn, and Logan.

   They were all fighting about who was actually dating who since they were all so close but Logan was too freaked out to try to reason that they were just theories. Flashbacks of Loops and Cap’s photos came back and hit him full force and stealing his breath. This wasn’t happening, they didn’t actually know.

   Most of the comments were people being nice but the ones where people responded by telling them it was disgusting and that Leo, Logan, and Finn would never be disgusting poofs were the ones that Logan couldn’t shake.

   He had to stop reading the comments when his hands were shaking too hard to keep his phone still. He was aware of the fact that he wasn’t breathing normally but he couldn’t do anything about it when he was so worked up.

   It wasn’t fair that they had to stay hidden, he wanted to love his boys in public. He didn’t want to have to hide but he couldn’t imagine the hate they’d get. He didn’t- he couldn’t do that to Finn and Leo, they didn’t deserve it.

   Growing up in Quebec did nothing when it came to comfort, it was unheard of to be gay there. Finn and Leo were both out to their families but Logan wasn’t. His sisters knew but that was it, he physically couldn’t tell his parents. He’d tried before but he had just thrown up from the nerves and chickened out.

   He owed it to the boys to come out, he wasn’t ashamed of them and he didn’t want them to think that but it was so scary. He knew the team would back them up but he was too scared to let anyone else know.

   Logan was seeing stars at the point, his whole body was trembling and his cheeks were wet but he wasn’t sure when he started crying. His body was jerking randomly and he was gasping but the air wouldn’t stay in his lungs.

   After five more minutes of gasps, tears, and stars, the door opened and he heard Leo and Finn laughing. Logan got off the couch unsteadily and stumbled over to them.

   Finn was putting the takeout on the counter so only Leo saw him coming. Leo had turned to him with a smile that quickly dissipated when he saw Logan. He was relieved to finally have his boys home but the energy it had taken to get to Leo had him more breathless than he already was and his vision was dimming rapidly.

   “Make it stop,” Logan gasped as his legs gave out. “Please make it stop.” He said through his tears as Leo caught him and sank to the floor. Leo wrapped his arms tightly around Logan and held him to his chest, Logan seated between his legs. Logan rested his forehead on Leo’s collarbone and tried to stop shaking to no avail. 

   “Baby, breathe for me.” Leo said in his ears, rocking them gently. “Lo, you have to breathe. Je t'ai, respire.” Logan tried but couldn’t help the shaking gasps still coming out of him. “What happened? What’s going on? Lo?” He heard Finn’s frantic questions and felt his breathing come impossibly faster as he curled into Leo. 

   He wasn’t trying to scare Finn or Leo, he hadn’t meant to freak Finn out. 

   “Finn, you have to calm down you’re making it worse. Can you get some water and a cool rag?” Leo said calmly, his hand rubbing soothing circles on Logan’s back. “Make it stop.” Logan whimpered, burying his head in Leo’s chest. 

   “It’ll pass, you just gave to give it a minute I’ve got you.” Leo murmured softly, placing a gentle kiss on Logan’s dark curls. Logan felt Leo take his hand and place it over his chest. “Can you breathe with me? Copy my breathing.” He said quietly as he exaggerated his breathing, taking deep breaths. 

   Logan tried his best to copy but it was hard. He felt something cold on his neck and was relieved when his thoughts were overthrown by the sudden coldness. His breaths were still stuttering but he was copying Leo’s breaths better. “You’re doing so good Lo, couple more okay?” Logan nodded the best he could and copied Leo’s breathing until he could do it on his own.

   When Logan was sure he wasn’t going to spiral again he slumped against Leo’s chest, curling up with his eyes closed. Leo hugged him tightly and he felt Finn’s hand on his cheek. Logan opened his eyes slowly with a small smile.

   “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.” Finn let out a disbelieving laugh. “God Lo, don’t apologize for that.” Finn ran a calming hand through Logan’s curls and he leaned into the touch with a soft sigh. 

   “Baby, what happened?” Leo said just as softly as he had when Logan was panicking. “Nothing.” He said softly and backtracked when Leo and Finn pinned him with exasperated looks. “It wasn’t important, it was stupid and I overreacted.” He mumbled, turning his face so he could hide in Leo’s chest.

   “If it made you react like that it wasn’t stupid at all.” Finn said softly, kissing Logan’s forehead when he turned to breathe again, suffocating slightly in the material of Leo’s sweatshirt. Logan sighed and listened to Leo’s heartbeat, a warm feeling spreading through his body as he felt the comfort of his boys. He couldn’t lose them.

   With a groan, Logan sat up and crossed his legs as he picked at the sweatshirt he was wearing. Technically the sweatshirt was Finn’s but at this point, it was as much his as Finn’s.

   “I’m scared.” Logan said quietly, his throat constricting with the effort he was taking to not shed any more tears. Why was it always so hard to fight tears when you were already crying. Finn rested his chin on Logan’s shoulder and Logan rested his head against Finn’s.

   “I don’t- I can’t come out yet. I can’t and they all suspect something, and I can’t lose y’all.” He said and silently cursed the tears that slid down his face. “Hey, you won’t lose us, nothing you could ever do could make us go away. You’re stuck with us baby.” Finn said gently, nudging Logan’s head softly with his own. 

   Leo’s forehead met his own and Logan closed his eyes, soaking in the warmth he always got with both of his boys. “We understand why you don’t want to come out and it’s fine, you’re not going to lose us because of that. Vous ne pouvez pas vous débarrasser de nous aussi facilement.”

  Logan let out a watery laugh and Leo bent his head slightly to kiss Logan on the nose. Finn placed a gentle kiss on his neck before standing up and giving both of them a hand to pull themselves up.

   Finn led them to the couch and Logan sat between them, his head resting on Finn’s chest and his hands going through Leo’s blonde hair where he had placed his head in Logan’s lap. Logan felt a rush of relief that these were the two sweethearts he had ended up with. 

   With a contented sigh, he let himself fall asleep between his two favorite people in the world. His boys.

#o'knutzy #finn o'hara #leo knot #logan tremblay #coast to coast #sweater weather #c2c #sw #lumosinlove #fanfics for a fanfic