#and my mom has been trying to convince me that it’s allergies

[anipgarden]

Tips on talking to HOAs about installing gardens in the shared spaces? I live in a condo, but the parking lot is /barren/

I'm sorry for how late this is! (This was sent in November for everyone's context), I simply had no idea how to answer it!

Though I live in an HOA neighborhood, I've never really been in a position where I had to talk to them about anything. However, a book I checked out from the library awhile back (Hellstrip Gardening by Evelyn J. Hadden, which I really need to take back soon) mentions a couple of tip in regards to talking to HOAs about gardening in the front yard. Hopefully it helps!

Come with an idea in mind! Being able to present a drawing or a description of what you'd like to do in the area will be a lot more helpful than 'I want to do A Thing', and may be enough to get permission! In other cases, you may need a formal presentation, but even then having an idea of what you'd like to plant and why and the benefits to the community will be helpful for building said presentation!

HOA's suck, I'll be the first to agree. But if you wanna get permission for a cool parking lot garden, you've gotta go over there ready and willing to compromise and talk nice. Maybe come up with a few alternative options--for example, if you want to dig in the ground but they don't want a permanent fixture, be open to raised beds instead. But that doesn't mean let them walk all over you! Be confident, and bring facts to back you up. And know what rights the HOA does or doesn't have in your city or state.

Try presenting the idea to some neighbors and get them to back you! The more people you can get behind the idea, the less likely a 'oh but what if the neighbors don't like the aesthetic what if they complain' concern will actually stick.

Focus moreso on practical benefits than emotional arguments when it comes to the HOA. Bring up things like reducing runoff, erosion control, less water usage, little to no mowing or blowing--anything that can add a dollar figure to how beneficial it is will likely tilt people towards your side if you're convincing enough, especially if you can show that the cost of planting and maintaining your parking lot garden idea long term will be negligible to or even cheaper than maintaining whatever's going on there now--if they're constantly planting sod there only for it to wither away, that could be a good starting point.

Visuals!! Again!! This comes from the book, but also from me convincing my mom to let me plant by the front yard mailbox--me rattling off names of plants and all is way less effective than me texting her pictures and descriptions of how tall they get. If you can get a general idea of what you'd like to plant and where, gather up a bunch of pictures of your ideal plants and maybe draw a quick mock-up of your design. If there's other places in your town that have similar gardens--someone's front yard, or a park, or anything of the sort--provide addresses so the HOA board members can drop by and see what it looks like in action, and further cement the idea that it has been done before and done well. Consider the aesthetic appeal of it all!

Get ahead of any questions or concerns that you think the board may have. This idea you have is for a parking lot garden--they might have concerns about cars and pedestrians existing around the space. Is there risk of plants damaging the cars? Being a trip hazard for people getting in and out of their cars, or existing around the space? Are the plants you have in mind known to cause allergies, are they toxic to kids and pets that may be around the area at times?

Maybe include like a stone bench or something, depending on how big the spot is. If the HOA can make the presence of the garden a fixture, make it look like a plus to moving into the condos, they'll love it all the more! 'Look at this lovely garden break spot you can chill in oooo!'

Do you have a plan in mind if the garden gets damaged--whether its a car driving over the curb, or someone intentionally messing with the plants? What is it? What do you think the potential cost of it would be? This may be something they'd ask.

That's everything I've got, between the book and my personal thoughts. If any of my followers have dealt with an HOA and have feedback or other comments to provide, by all means chime in!

#ani rambles #out of queue #answered asks #nvara-of-mortains-own #outdoor gardening #best of luck with your project!!!

[multifandumbmeg]

Random update per my fics:

Sorry I haven't updated in the last few days. I usually try to write some every day, but I took a day off to plan Golden Glint and then finished the mini fic (Reckoning of Mike Carrera) I started before it because that's what I wanted to write and I wanted to finish it.

On the topic of all my in-progress fics, my writing just isn't consistent right now. I mentioned a while ago that I'm going through AO3 author's curse and would eventually expand on that, so since I'm extremely frustrated and paralyzed from being productive today I'll do that now.

Starting from winter/late fall of 2022 I got sick and basically never got better. I was having illness after illness that meds weren't solving, and my headaches just got more and more frequent until they were every day for at least three months. By the time I came home from Korea, I was having full-blown debilitating migraines every day and attacks where I would almost pass out and couldn't breathe. It took me a couple months but I got on insurance, started a new job, and managed to convince my parents to let me focus on getting my health together this year.

It's been extremely difficult and frustrating because US healthcare, but I found out I do not in fact have ANY allergies despite doctors telling me I do, literally putting me on allergy shots for a year, and telling me that was the cause of migraines, inability to breathe, and constant illness, none of which were true. I had to prove this to them by fighting to see an actual allergist and getting re-tested which costs me hundreds of dollars out of pocket, but at least the allergist was a good dude who wrote a SCATHING letter to my primary care demanding I be sent to the proper specialists for my symptoms. Several blood tests and medications later, we have whammy number two:

The hypoglycemia I was diagnosed with as a teenager was not in fact random. Instead, I have hyperthyroidism caused by Graves Disease. Except I ALSO have Hashimoto's Disease, because I am just so special like that. Basically, rather than allergies like I was always told, I have been getting every single sickness that rolled by for the past several decades and because I was so used to being sick and so criminally gaslit about it, I didn't even know I was ill and just kept going. Thyroid also has tumors on it. I may also have other autoimmune disorders, or thyroid cancer, but I won't know until I finally see an endocrinologist an hour away later this month.

Though my daily migraines stopped last summer, I still get frequent headaches and now extremely bad ones (or migraines) every time it rains. Generally, there seems to be some kind of inflammation issue where my body over-reacts to literally everything by swelling up and causing more problems.

Possibly tied to that, I was in pain every single day at work. Considering my age, there is no normal reason I should be crippled by joint pain but that is yet to be solved. I now only work two days a week, which has helped significantly, but I am still consistently in a ton of pain two days a week, sometimes three as a rebound.

In January, before I had gotten any diagnoses, my parents gave me an ultimatum that they were kicking me out in May. I had to beg them to go part-time because I simply could not keep up with job applications while I was so constantly tired and pain. After sobbing for two straight days about the inevitability of becoming homeless because I can't afford to or logistically live on my own, my mom convinced my dad to let me go part time on the condition that I continue to pay the same rent Ive been paying to live in one of their empty spare rooms.

In February, I went in for the first appointment toward getting an Autism screening. The therapist suggested I get an ADHD test and recommended me for the official autism screening, saying I have a solid case for suspecting. After a little computer game and another talking appointment, slightly to my own surprise (especially because of how easy it was) I was clinically diagnosed with ADHD. I recently started meds for that and it has made basic tasks and job applications infinitely easier to the extent it's insane, plus my final Autism screening is next week and based on my results every step of the process so far diagnosis seems likely.

All that said, the job search process has been soul-destroyingly frustrating. I have a masters degree in a specialized field, backed up by a Bachelor's in a relevant field, years of study abroad and work abroad (which is relevant to my career path) and a track record of excellent academic achievement. I also speak French and Korean near-fluently and am conversational in Romanian and Russian, as well as knowing a fair few phrases in a number of other languages. Every job I've had has stressed me out to the point of quitting by around a year (hello Autism), but also none were related to what I studied at all, highly customer service oriented, and still every one would tell you I was one of the best employees they ever had and begged me to stay. Even with this track record, after literally HUNDREDS AND HUNDREDS of applications (which in my field almost always require a cover letter, often questionnaires and lengthy short answers, or even writing samples in addition) I have had ONE interview in four years. ONE. And I was so heinously underqualified for that hail-Mary I'm 99% certain they only interviewed me to meet a quota. As you can imagine, for someone with highly probable AuDHD, doing the same thing over and over for 4 years with a 100% failure rate is enough to make me want to dive into a lake with a pile of bricks chained to my back.

I'm still months out from seeing a neurologist about my headaches and general constant pain, I don't have a plan of action for my buck-wild medical anomaly thyroid, and I don't know if my parents are kicking me out next month. They haven't brought it up so maybe with my recent headway on the Peace Corps application (was told I stand a very good chance, but that's another contract job overseas, further pushing back my ability to find a stable, long term career job) and slew of diagnoses and medications, my dad is cooling off a bit. I don't know.

All that to say my body is crumbling out from under me, my job is stressful, and despite being extremely qualified and putting in so much effort, I have zero long-term life prospects. Sometimes, that results in me diving whole-hog into writing for fun and as an outlet, other times I'm too tired or need to bury myself in mindless content consumption or days of spending every spare moment staring at my ceiling in silence until I maybe fall asleep. Did I also mention the crippling lifelong insomnia which my ADHD meds (along with rapid weight loss I'm desperately trying to curb because I'm already borderline underweight due to my thyroid) are exacerbating?

Anywyay. Point is I'm very tired and stressed so my writing is going to be much less consistent than in the past. Hope you understand. Also just an update for my online friends. TMI but I needed to rant and put it out there for those wondering to lower expectations.

#Sorry #You can leave now

[sg-x00-airgetlam]

Trans girls are not "disproportionately autistic" lmao that's just what Tumblr has led people to believe (because it convinced itself more of its userbase was autistic by a long series of miscommunications and allistic people who are slightly to the left of being allistic that they were autistic)

Hi! There has been actual research conducted about this. Here is the largest/most recent one I am aware of:

The short version is that 5% of the cisgender people were autistic vs 24% of the trans people.

My assertion that trans girls are disproportionately autistic was actually based on real science and things I heard outside of tumblr. My (neurodivergent) therapist's PhD thesis is actually about the overlap in autism and gender diversity, and how to provide better treatment for autistic trans people.

That's that on The Facts, but here's my opinion piece on (what I perceive to be) your flippant dismissal of a lot of the autistic people online.

Are there people on tumblr self-diagnosing as autistic because they are "slightly left of being allistic" (which I assume refers to people with just media hyperfixations and poor social skills)? Yes, probably. But, generally, they are not hurting anyone, and, if things like stimming, weighted blankets, infodumping to friends, fidget toys, using tone indicators, etc helps these people too, does it really matter if they meet your metric for autism? The more people engaging with these things, the more normalized and visible they become. The more available and affordable they will become.

For a similar example, my mom has celiacs disease. It means her immune system acts up and destroys her intestinal lining in response to gluten. Growing up in the 90s, it was very hard to find gluten-free foods at the store or restaurants that knew what gluten even was. The trend in recent years of gluten-free diets is complete bullshit: unless you have celiacs or a gluten allergy, abstaining from gluten does nothing for you. But the popularity of gluten-free ended up creating a massively expanded access to gluten-free groceries, and tons of restaurants now offer gluten-free menus.

Putting aside how furious I am that there was drastically more effort on this front when it was a fad diet than a legitimate medical problem, the fact is that the people who weren't "really" gluten-free ended up normalizing access to food for people who actually needed it.

The other issue with trying to be hyper critical of which of these online strangers is truly autistic is that there's a lot of grey area between self-diagnosis and formal diagnosis. A lot of people seem to think that self-diagnosed people just skimmed a list of symptoms and labeled themselves on a whim. But there are plenty of people who came to the conclusion that they were autistic via significant introspection and engagement. Who realized it because other autistic people saw themselves in them. Who worked with a therapist or other mental health professional to come to that conclusion, but are not pursuing a formal diagnosis because they either do not want to or are unable to. A lot of autistic people may have no formal diagnosis, but it seems disingenuous to dismiss them out of hand as self diagnosed. When a lot of deep thought can go into self diagnosis. When they were effectively diagnosed by someone with the expertise but not power to formally render it, (because our mental health system is broken).

I have a formal autism diagnosis. It was not easy to get. The wait time in my small semi-rural city was almost a year out. I had to be there from 8 am to 3 pm while a neuropsychologist and his assistants evaluated me. Essentially a whole school day of autism evaluation. I imagine that would be prohibitively expensive without my insurance covering all of it. I imagine many autistic people feel sick at the thought of subjecting themselves to that.

Oh, and if you think the grand prize for all of this is "People will take my issues seriously now because I have an 18 Page Degree in Autism", several people's response to me telling them about my diagnosis was a skeptical "but you're too smart to be autistic". You can not win The Neurotypical Scrutiny Game, even if you jump through all their hoops like I did.

In the end, you can't really pursue people over whether they might not really be autistic. It's a bullshit witch hunt. It's almost like trying to decide whether someone is trans enough, and we really don't need Transmedicalism 2: Autistic Boogaloo on this website. If your concern is that "fake autistic people" are going to talk over the rest of us, may I direct your attention to significantly bigger sources of That, such as: "Autism moms", Autism Speaks, and the Healthcare System.

Now let's get out there, and infodump about something that sings to our souls.

#autism #asks

[baepsaesbae]

Spring Will Come Again

Pairing— Jeon Jungkook x reader    

Genre— Photographer!Jungkook x Baker!reader, SMUT +18, fluff, angst, Virgin!Jungkook, Sub!Jungkook, Switch!Jungkook

Warnings— Finger sucking, unprotected sex, multiple orgasms, squirting (?), slight choking, there are a lot of emotions, Jungkook is literally so sweet gosh I just wanna hold him tight, this fic is kind of a rollercoaster of emotions bc I myself do b going thru it

Word Count—  ~10.9k  

Summary— Springtime generally brings new beginnings, but being stuck in a small town all your life means nothing ever changes. Finally, something, or rather, someone, stumbles into your life. Can this shy boy manage to change your life forever?

A/N— This beautiful banner was made by @dee-ehn​! Please let me know what you think of this fic! Hope you guys enjoy~

It all started on a beautiful spring day. Something had convinced you to go on an unprecedented early morning walk for some reason. 

The morning air was cold but crisp. You were bundled up in your favorite sweater, and the scarf that your grandmother knitted for you was wrapped snugly around your neck. Normally you would be immersed in your headphones, but since today was already unusual you decided to forgo the music. 

You walked along the banks of the stream that flowed next to your neighborhood. This particular stream held nothing but fond memories. You grew up here with all the other kids. During the summer breaks, you’d play out here from morning to nightfall. This was the place where you saw your first fireflies, and where you won your first fist fight. 

You stopped to sit on the grassy hill that ran alongside the banks, relishing in nostalgia as you took in a breath of fresh air. Everything is so different now. Everyone moved away to pursue their careers or to go to a big university. You were the only one left. Your parents urged you to go to college, but you refused. Who else would help run the bakery? 

As much as you hated to see it, your parents were growing old. Managing the family bakery was getting harder on them. You were such a huge help to them since you basically managed all of the front-of-house work. They worked diligently in the kitchen every day to create the best baked goods in town. 

You had always dreamt of leaving this small town. You’ve fantasized about attending a big university in the middle of a bustling city since you were a little kid. Unfortunately, that can’t happen now. You can’t leave your parents or the bakery behind. You held no resentment though, you loved it. Being an only child was a bit lonely at times, but your parents made you feel loved no matter what.

You laid on the grassy hill, watching the clouds roll by. Maybe life was better this way. It was simple, and you always knew what to expect. Day in and day out, the routine was always the same. 

Everything changed on that day. That was the fateful day that you ran into him. Or rather, he ran into you. 

“Good morning, ____! Where were you this morning? Why weren’t you answering your phone?” your concerned mother asked when you returned home.

“Morning mom. I went on a walk and forgot my phone I guess. Sorry about that. I ended up laying on the hill by the stream,” you replied as you sat at the breakfast table.

Living with bakers was probably one of the biggest blessings in your life. Every meal smelled delectable and you had access to all the fresh goodies you could desire. 

“Wow, you were awake before we were? What a surprise. Here, tell me what you think of this loaf,” your dad set it in front of you.

You tossed a piece of bread into your mouth. The taste was savory to say the least. It was your father’s signature banana bread loaf, only this time with a small twist. 

“Why’d you take out the walnuts? It’s still delicious though,” you said, devouring another piece.

“Well so many customers complain about having nut allergies now. I thought we could sell more if we take them out! You think we can sell this?” he asked eagerly.

“I think this will be our newest best seller!” you happily replied, “I’m gonna go open up the shop. See you guys soon,” you kissed them each on the cheek before taking your leave.

The bakery was down the street from your house, so the commute was only about 5 minutes even if you walked slowly. You brought your phone with you this time, so you were jamming out to your music, oblivious to the outside world. You were so out of it, that you didn’t have time to react to the person quickly rounding the corner.

One moment you were walking to work, the next you were knocked onto the cold hard ground. Your assailant fell on top of you, and you soon locked eyes with him. It was as if time stood still for a moment. He was the most beautiful boy you’ve ever seen. His eyes were wide with concern, and for a moment, you swore you saw stars twinkling within them. 

It took a second to register that this stranger was on top of you, in a compromising position no less. You’ve never been this close to a boy since...well it has been a while. Your legs were intertwined and his nose was only inches from yours. 

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry! I didn’t see you until the last second,” the boy apologized as he scrambled to get off of you. 

As he helped you up, you reassured him that you were fine. You laughed off the incident and took the boy by surprise. You had the most angelic laugh he’d ever heard. He stood awkwardly gazing at you, before you asked him if he was okay. 

“I-I’m fine! I’m glad you’re okay. I apologize again for being so careless,” he bowed.

“I’m also at fault! I wasn’t paying attention either. So shame on both of us,” you smiled to show him you were joking, “Enjoy the rest of your day, don’t run into anyone else!”

And with that, you parted ways. You forgot about the stranger as the morning rush piled into the bakery. 

Despite being located in a small town, your parent’s were nationally renowned bakers. The bakery was always busy. That was part of why you loved it so much, you were never bored. The regular customers were your favorite. Most of the townsfolk had been coming to the bakery since you were little. 

“Is this banana bread new?” Mrs. Park, the local florist, asked.

“Technically, yes. It’s the exact same recipe but without the walnuts,” you replied.

“Perfect! I’m not too fond of walnuts but I adore your parents’ banana bread,” Mrs. Park beamed, handing you a loaf along with other goods she picked up.

“How’s Jimin?” you asked as you rang her up.

“Oh he’s doing well! He loves it out there in the big city. At first, I was terrified of letting him go. He’s just always been so passionate about dancing, I finally had to cave in. He recently auditioned to be part of some fancy dance crew, and he got in! Can you believe it?” Mrs. Park began to dote on her son.

“That’s amazing! I’m happy for him,” you smiled.

“You know, ____, Jimin is still single. You two would be perfect together--”

“Long distance relationships are hard, Mrs. Park,” your mother interrupted her, swooping in to save the day. Thank god. You wouldn’t have known how to react. 

“She could always move out to the city to be with him!” Mrs. Park retorted, not picking up on the awkward situation she created. 

“I could never leave the bakery,” you responded quickly.

“Ah, yes that’s right. You have such a good daughter, Mrs. _____. Jimin never took any interest in taking over the family business. I’m jealous of you!” Mrs. Park said to your mom.

After what seemed like an eternity, Mrs. Park finally left. You were fond of her, but she never knew when to stop talking. Jimin was a good friend of yours growing up. You never wanted to admit that you had a huge crush on him. You figured it wouldn’t have mattered anyway, since he was so fixated on moving out. 

The morning rush had died down. You took this opportunity to restock and tidy things up before the afternoon rush. The store bell rang, indicating the arrival of another customer.

“Welcome in! I’ll be with you shortly,” you called out from behind the counter. 

“No worries, thanks!” the customer yelled back.

Once finished, you popped up with a bright smile on your face. Your parents taught you to always greet the customers with a smile as soon as they walk in. 

However, the customer wasn’t facing your direction. He was looking at the baked goods that aligned the opposite wall. You patiently waited for him to make his selection. He kept walking back and forth, eyeing all of the baked items. You left your station behind the counter and approached him.

“Can I help you with anything, sir?” you piped up behind him.

The man jumped back, startled.

“I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to scare you,” you apologized.

“It’s okay! I didn’t hear you at all. You must be some sort of ninja-- Oh it’s you!” the boy turned around to face you.

It was the gorgeous boy who ran into you earlier. 

“Hello again! I guess it was my turn to frighten you,” you joked.

“That’s fair,” he nodded, “What’s the best thing here?”

“Mmm that’s hard for me to say, considering that I love them all. What kind of tastes and textures do you like?” your customer service persona kicked in. 

“I like sweet things I guess? I like bananas too…” he trailed off.

“We don’t have any bananas in fruit form, but we do have killer banana bread,” you beamed.

“That sounds good, but I don’t really like nuts so--”

“There are no nuts in our new recipe! You must be lucky, this is the first day that we’ve started selling them. Want me to ring you up a loaf?” you interrupted him.

“Oh no nuts? Okay, I’ll try it,” he agreed quietly.

“Would you still like to get something sweet as well?” 

“Yeah, if that’s okay,” he nodded timidly.

“Of course it’s okay! My personal favorite is our milk pudding bun. The pudding in the middle is pretty creamy plus the bread is unbelievably soft! If that’s not for you, then we have a classic chocolate bun filled with, surprise surprise, chocolate. We also have…” you led the boy around the entire bakery.

You were too focused on recommending various breads to notice him stealing glances at you that lingered longer than normal. He patiently let you talk his ear off about the goodies.

“I’ll go with the milk pudding bun,” he smiled shyly.

“That was the first one! You should’ve stopped me from rambling,” you huffed.

“I wanted to know my options. Plus you seemed pretty happy,” he added softly.

“Alright, let’s go check you out then,” you headed to the counter, “I haven’t seen you before. What brings you to our little town?” you attempted to make conversation.

“Mmm, to get away, I guess,” the boy said after a pause.

“Are you in some sort of trouble?” you leaned over the counter to whisper.

“Kind of,” he whispered back.

“Stay right here, I can call the police,” you frantically murmured as you whipped out your phone.

“No no! Not like that,” he couldn’t contain his laughter, “I’m a fine arts student. My main focus is photography, but lately I haven’t been able to capture anything worth printing,” he explained.

“Ohhh,” you said, feeling dumb, “Then why come to a town in the middle of nowhere? You won’t find much here.”

“To an untrained eye, maybe so. But to a professional, beauty can be found anywhere,” he said proudly.

“Then why can’t you find anything back home? And aren’t you still a student?” you questioned.

“You know, I was really hoping that you’d let me have that,” the boy deflated.

“Aw, I’m sorry! If you ever want to take photos of the beauty that is bread, you’re always welcome here,” you smiled.

“I might take you up on that offer,” he said as he grabbed the purchased goods, “What’s your name by the way?”

“____. Yours?”

“Jeon Jungkook.”

“I’ll see you around, Mr. Jeon Jungkook. Oh! And if you’d like a tour of the town, I’d be more than happy to show you around,” you suggested.

“That would be nice,” Jungkook pondered, “Where can I find you?”

“I’m here every day. I get off at 3pm,” you answered.

“Cool. I’ll drop by tomorrow, if that’s okay?”

“Sure! See you then!” you waved goodbye.

“Who was that?” your mother asked when the boy left.

“Some photography student that said he wanted to get away for some inspiration. I offered to give him a tour tomorrow after work,” you explained. 

“Do you want me to come with you?” your dad offered.

“I’ll be fine on my own, thanks,” you quickly turned him down.

You spent the next morning frantically flip flopping between outfits. Should you go with a pretty top paired with a skirt? Or perhaps keep it casual with a t-shirt and jeans? Or should you go with a simple dress? You know you’re supposed to be a tour guide, but you still wanted to look somewhat presentable. You settled for the dress. It gave off a “cute but not trying too hard” type of vibe. 

Time seemed to slowly drag on as you waited for Jungkook to return. You had already mapped out your route, making sure it was efficient (not like there’s much to see anyway). You wanted to surprise him with a picnic at the end of the tour. Hopefully it could help show off the natural beauty of the forests and meadows that surrounded the town. As the clock approached 3pm, you began to wonder if springing a surprise picnic on a stranger was odd. Oh god, what if it was? You hadn’t had much interaction with people your age once all your friends went off to live their own lives. Panic was starting to set in when the front bell chimed.

“Hey! I’m a little early, but I can wait around until you’re finished,” Jungkook greeted you. You noticed a fancy looking camera dangling around his chest.

“It’s all good! Business has been slow today, I’ve been bored,” you admitted.

“Oh I see--” Jungkook was cut off.

“Hi! I’m ____’s mom. Did you like the bread you bought yesterday?” your mom materialized out of nowhere with a pan of fresh bread in her hands.

“It was delicious! Better than anything I could get in the city,” Jungkook complimented.

“Why did you batch a new batch? No one has come in after 1pm,” you aggressively whispered to your mom. 

“I got bored,” she pouted, “Here, have one! On the house, think of it as a welcoming present to our town,” she motioned for Jungkook to take a fresh loaf off the tray.

Jungkook’s face lit up at the offer as he thanked her for the snack. His smile lingered as he took a bite, savoring the taste.

“You must have some sort of good luck charm; you’re getting even more free food later,” you chuckled as you plopped a wicker basket onto the checkout counter.

“Sweet,” he beamed. 

You let out a small sigh of relief. It didn’t seem like Jungkook was creeped out by the thought of eating with a stranger. With the basket in hand, you led Jungkook across the town. There truly wasn’t much to see. Your family’s bakery was in line with the rest of the town’s shops. You passed by the florist, the cafe, the grocery store, and the post office within the first 3 minutes just by walking down the street. You added in little personal stories with each business that you pointed out. 

Jungkook paused by the flower shop, in awe of all the beautiful arrangements. His eyes scanned the outside displays, as if he was looking for something. 

“Need something specific, dear?” Mrs. Park asked her potential customer. 

“Do you have Tiger flowers?” he inquired.

“Tiger… No, but I can probably order some for you,” she offered.

“Ah, that’s alright. I’m sorry to bother you,” Jungkook apologized before rejoining you.

“Did you wanna take a picture of that specific flower?” you asked him as you strolled along the sidewalk.

“Yeah, it’s my birth flower,” he shyly nodded.

“Oh nice! I don’t know what my birth flower is, but yours sounds pretty. Ah, here is the town square. Over there is the courthouse/government building/boring stuff happens in there probably,” you said as you pointed out the building.

“This is cool,” Jungkook examined a decrepit well that stood in front of the courthouse.

“I guess. I always thought it would be better if they replaced it with a big pretty fountain or something,” you mentioned as you looked down into the dark abyss of the well.

Jungkook said nothing as he began taking pictures of the well from various angles. You watched him frown at each picture he took before he tried to take another. 

“Maybe you could take a picture looking into the well? I mean, you’d probably have to stand on it to get a full shot and your feet will be in it but…” you suggested before realizing that you knew nothing about photography.

Jungkook immediately hopped onto the well, disregarding the loose pebbles that crumbled away under his weight. Pointing the camera directly down into the well, he snapped a couple of pictures. He didn’t bother hopping off of the well before scrolling through the pictures he just took. You caught yourself staring at him, admiring his features. His eyebrows were furrowed in concentration, his lips were pursed, and the wind was blowing his bangs over his forehead ever so slightly. He really was a handsome boy, though he seemed to be completely unaware of it. 

“How’d it turn out?” you asked as he climbed down.

“Not bad actually. Better than the angles I took at first,” Jungkook smiled with approval, “I’ll show you after I touch them up.”

“I’m excited to see! Also, this basically concludes the tour because everything else is residential stuff. Unless you wanna take pictures of random people’s homes,” you joked.

“I’m good. Is this where we’re eating? I kinda skipped lunch,” Jungkook looked at the wicker basket in your hand.

“Nope! I’m gonna take you somewhere special. Are you okay with a bit of light hiking?”

“Sounds fun,” Jungkook grinned. 

“Perfect! Now it’s your turn to lug this thing around,” you said as you handed him the deceptively heavy basket. 

You took him to the outskirts of town, where nature was left untouched.

“Is this where all the cool kids have their picnics?” Jungkook asked as you led him down an old trail.

“All the cool kids left this town a while ago, so I can’t speak on their behalf. However, this is where I like to have my picnics so take that in whatever way you please,” you responded.

It was a sunny day on the verge of being too hot, but the densely wooded forest provided enough shade to make it comfortable. Your parents used to take you on walks in these woods when you (and they) were younger. Of course, now the hilly paths and loose soil would only wreak havoc on your parents’ old knees. You’ve grown accustomed to exploring on your own. Bringing Jungkook along was a pleasant change. 

“You okay with eating here?” you suddenly stopped, pointing over to a field just off the trail.

“I’ll eat anywhere, I’m starving,” Jungkook quickly nodded. 

“I’m fully aware of that; I could barely hear the birds chirping over the sounds of your stomach growling,” you teased.

An old tree that was large enough to cover up the entire picnic blanket with shade proved to be the ideal spot. Jungkook set down the wicker basket that you assigned to him earlier, eagerly waiting for you to finally open it.

“On the menu today we have fruits as an appetizer, ham and cheese sandwiches in homemade croissants as the main course, and last but not least, chocolate buns for dessert,” you proudly showcased each item.

“I never knew bread could taste so heavenly until I went to your bakery. I’m happy I walked in,” Jungkook praised as he wolfed down his sandwich.

“It’s not my bakery, it’s my parents’ bakery,” you corrected him as you ate the fruit.

“Don’t you work in it nearly every day? I don’t see how it’s not your bakery too,” Jungkook insisted.

“I’m not the one running the business,” you argued.

“You seem to put in the same amount as work as them. Instead of baking, you’re handling all of the customers. That’s gotta count for something, right?” Jungkook persisted. 

“Fine, I guess you could say it’s a family bakery. Happy?” you huffed, clearly annoyed.

  “Hey, I wasn’t trying to make you angry. I’m sorry if I overstepped,” Jungkook apologized, putting his sandwich down, “I wanted to let you know how much I love your family’s bread, that’s all.”

“No, it’s fine. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have snapped at you. It’s just…” your trailed off as you gazed at the blue sky.

“I don’t want to pry, but I’m happy to sit here and listen,” Jungkook offered. 

“I don’t want to scare you away by dumping my personal issues on you,” you tried to lighten the mood.

“I don’t think you could do that, ____,” Jungkook assured you. 

Your eyes widened ever so slightly since he caught you off guard with his sincerity, but soon you gave him a soft smile.

“Fine, since we’re just sitting here anyway,” you caved as you picked up your sandwich, “I wish I wasn’t here anymore. Don’t get me wrong, I love my parents and I love the bakery. I just wish I got to go to a big city somewhere and attend a real university. I don’t know what I’d study, I just know that I thought my life would be different by now,” you turn away from him to hide your watery eyes.

“It’s not all that great,” Jungkook responded after a short pause, “I came from a small town too. The only difference was that it was along a beach, not by a forest. Wait, the location doesn’t matter,” he quietly scolded himself, “What I’m trying to say is that I did get away from my hometown. I was so excited to finally be a city kid. I didn’t realize how overwhelming it would be. Now look at me. I’m a senior in college with no direction in life. That’s what I get for choosing a career with no job security,” he chuckled as he looked down at the camera around his neck. 

“But are you doing what you love?” you quietly asked.

“I think so. Are you?” he asked back.

“I think so,” you sighed, finally turning to look at him. 

“I could always take you back to the city with me,” Jungkook flashed you a big bunny smile.

“Don’t joke with me like that. I hate getting my hopes up,” you playfully punch him in the arm. 

“I’m not joking!” he yelped in surprise.

The conversation turned into a more cheerful one. You both spoke about your dreams, both childhood and present day. It was fun talking with Jungkook as you both watched the clouds roll by without a care in the world. 

“Maybe you could get some pretty shots of some wildlife while we’re out here,” you recommended when the conversation came to a pause.

“Do you want to model for me?” Jungkook asked.

“Huh?” his sudden proposal surprised you.

“It’s completely okay if you don’t want to! Actually, just forget I said anything,” Jungkook looked down at the camera in his hands in a futile attempt to hide his flushed cheeks. 

“Just tell me how to pose,” you smiled, already getting up.

“Uh, just act natural,” he said awkwardly as you leaned against the thick tree trunk.

At first, you made some silly poses that made Jungkook laugh. To be honest, you only did that because you really didn’t know how to pose next to the tree while making it look natural. Forcing a smile, you attempted to lean on the tree like as if it were another person. 

“You don’t have to fake a smile,” Jungkook called from behind the camera.

“I don’t know what to do!” you called back.

“Act natural!”

“How do I do that?”

“Naturally!”

His response rewarded him a sarcastic eye roll, followed by a burst of laughter. Jungkook furiously clicked his camera as you laughed even harder. He praised you for ‘being in your natural state’ as he took shots from ridiculous angles. He gave you a thumbs up after he was satisfied with the impromptu photoshoot.

“Is laughing until I can’t breathe just me being in my natural state?” you asked playfully as you sat back down on the picnic blanket.

��It was authentic, so I would say so. I wish I could capture sound too, your laugh is so cute,” Jungkook said nonchalantly as he scrolled through the photos.

His eyes widened as soon as he realized what he said. He opened his mouth to try and take it back, or at least cover it up. He looked over at you shyly, only to see that you were digging out dessert from the basket. He let out a sigh of relief. Thankfully, you didn’t hear him. 

“How were the pictures?” you asked, scooting to sit beside him after handing him the dessert.

“See for yourself,” he proudly showed you.

You were amazed by his talent. Even without editing, the photos looked like they were ready to be submitted into a contest. Everything looked so perfect. Your smile was genuine, the lighting was optimal, and your hair looked surprisingly good. You applauded him for his talent, to which he bashfully denied by saying he was still such an amatuer. You both finally dug into the desserts. 

“These chocolate buns were amazing,” Jungkook licked his lips after he finished it.

“They’re my personal favorite! They’re also the best things that I can make on my own,” you winked at him as you finished yours.

“You made these?” Jungkook’s doe eyes filled with awe.

“Yep! Don’t act so surprised,” you pouted.

“Sorry, it’s just that you told me your parents bake everything. These were really good! Probably the best things I’ve had since--oh wait. You have a little something,” Jungkook leaned forward to wipe the corner of your mouth with his thumb. 

You both froze for a second, in shock of this intimate gesture. Jungkook’s mouth opened to apologize, but you stopped him before he had the chance. Without thinking about it, you put your mouth around his thumb. You sucked on it for a second before you snapped back to reality. You started apologizing profusely the instant his thumb left your mouth. 

“It’s okay! I shouldn’t have touched you in the first place,” Jungkook shied away from you, refusing to look you in the eyes. 

“I don’t know what came over me,” you apologized as you grabbed his hand.

Jungkook looked at you with an embarrassed expression the moment you held his hand in yours. At first you didn’t realize why he was so embarrassed, you were the one sucking his thumb. But then, you noticed Jungkook sheepishly resting his other hand in his lap.

“Jungkook,” you said sweetly.

“Yes?” he answered, his eyes averting yours once more. 

“Do you want me to do it again?”

“Huh?” he looked back at you with disbelief. 

You made a bold move as you moved to straddle his lap, each leg settling beside his waist. You brought his hand up to your mouth and batted your eyes innocently.

“Like this,” you say before licking his pointer finger. 

Jungkook gulped while slowly nodding his head, giving you permission to continue. His eyes stayed glued on you as you wrapped your lips around his finger. You dragged your flattened out tongue from the base to the tip. You then reversed this motion, but instead only using the tip of your tongue. You began to work on his middle finger as well. It was hard to fit his long fingers in your mouth, but you’re no quitter. Your tongue weaved between his fingers, adequately coating them with your saliva.

Jungkook’s breaths quickened the longer you went on. You felt a bulge grow between your thighs as you straddled him. Perhaps wearing a dress was a great idea after all. Your hips began to move on their own as you slowly grinded on Jungkook. 

“____…” Jungkook moaned quietly when you daringly took three fingers into your mouth.

Rubbing your clothed pussy against his hard crotch spurred you on even more. Drool was dribbling down Jungkook’s arm and your chin, but neither of you cared. It just made you look more erotic to him. His other hand was on your hip to help you maintain a rhythm. You opened your eyes to make contact with his as you suckled his fingers. That’s all it took to make him come undone.

He quickly pushed you off of him as he cried out. You were both too shocked to say anything for a few seconds. Jungkook seemed too embarrassed to look you in the eyes again, his cheeks bright red.

“Jungkook, I--” you started to apologize.

“You probably think I’m pretty lame huh? Cumming in my pants like some sort of middle schooler,” he looked down in defeat. 

“What? No, of course not!” you disagreed.

“Don’t lie,” Jungkook refused to believe you.

“Jungkook, that was honestly the hottest thing I’ve ever done. What we just did was hotter than when I was actually having sex,” you tried to cheer him up. 

“You’re not lying?” Jungkook finally looked up at you with sad puppy dog eyes.

“I swear I’m not. I could help you clean it up, if you’d like,” you offered. 

“I think that would make me feel worse. Just hand me some napkins and I’ll go take care of it myself,” he declined.

You packed everything up while you waited for Jungkook to return. He discreetly threw away the ball of used napkins into the designated trash bag, praying to god that you weren’t looking. 

The walk back was quiet and awkward. Neither of you knew what to say. You were horrified with how you acted; you’ve never been so bold before. Jungkook was ashamed of cumming before he had the chance to do anything to you. He felt so pathetic. 

“I’m sorry for making you so uncomfortable, Jungkook,” you finally apologized.

“Are you kidding? You think I would cum that fast if I was uncomfortable?” Jungkook looked at you with incredulity, “I’m the one who should be sorry. I’m disgusting and came in my pants while you did all the hard work.”

“You’re not disgusting at all, Jungkook. I enjoyed it too. I can’t remember the last time I was that horny,” you laughed.

All the tension in the air had disappeared. Jungkook bounced back to being his cheery self. The conversation went back to normal as you brought him back to the bakery. You hugged him goodbye and were about to leave when he caught your hand.

“Thank you so much for the tour. I know we’ve only known each other for a day but... would you like to go on a date with me?” Jungkook asked with a hopeful look in his eyes.

“No,” you said firmly, watching his shoulders fall, “I’d love to go on a date with you,” you smirked.

“You jerk!” Jungkook gasped. 

You couldn’t help it, he was too easy to tease. After working out the details, it was decided that he would come pick you up on Friday night. 

Jungkook took you to basically the only restaurant in town (that wasn’t the cafe). It was a family run Italian eatery, and it took Jungkook by surprise.

“Is everyone in this place a master chef or something? This is delicious!” he praised as he ate his pasta.

“I guess it’s the authenticity of family recipes? You probably eat at more chain restaurants while you’re in the city,” you shrugged as you twirled noodles around your fork.

The date went on pleasantly. Jungkook wanted to know as much about you as you did him. The conversations you had were lively and fun; there was never a dull moment with him. Something about him just automatically clicked with you.

“What’s your favorite thing to photograph?” you asked.

“I like taking pictures of landscapes and buildings. That’s why I was super excited about going to a university in the city. It’s a lot easier than taking pictures of people! Unfortunately, that’s where the money is right now,” he explained.

“You don’t like taking pictures of people?”

“Not really, no,” he answered bluntly.

“Then why did you ask me to model for you?” you were genuinely curious.

Jungkook froze in his seat. He took a long sip of his drink before answering you. 

“For practice, I suppose,” he said softly. 

“I’m happy I was able to help then,” you smiled, thinking nothing of it. 

Jungkook seemed grateful that you didn’t press for more details, and was soon coaxed out of his shy shell once the topic of anime came around. You were happy that he took you out on a proper date, you hadn’t been on one in so long.

He walked you back under the pale moonlight. You were admiring the twinkling stars when you realized that Jungkook hadn’t said anything in a while. His hand awkwardly brushed against yours when you first left the restaurant, but you didn’t think much of it. Jungkook seemed to be thinking hard about something as he walked alongside you. You were going to say something when the back of his hand brushed against yours again. He instantly pulled away and uttered a small “sorry”.

“What’s wrong, Jungkook?” you were worried now, you thought the date went well. 

“Nothing…,” his voice trailed off as he looked away.

You interlocked his pinky with yours without a word. Jungkook looked over at you with surprise, but said nothing. He admonished himself for not committing to hold your hand, but he was happy with this too. In fact, he thought it was cuter than actual hand holding.

You arrived in front of your house. Bidding Jungkook goodnight, you went in for a hug. Jungkook also went in for a hug, but he leaned the same way you did. In a quick bumble, your lips grazed the corner of Jungkook’s, causing you to jump back. You stood in Jungkook’s arms, looking away in embarrassment. He brought up one of his hands to cup your cheek, forcing you to look back at him. His eyes sparkled under the moonlight as he gazed into yours. 

Slowly, you found yourself leaning forward. Jungkook met you in the middle, his lips finding yours. It was a tender kiss, sweet and soft. You broke it off after a couple seconds to giggle, but Jungkook pulled you back into it. He kissed you gently, yet with so much passion. You reciprocated his affection as your fingers intertwined with his hair, deepening the kiss.

He finally pulled away, smiling back at you. To be honest, you wish it lasted longer. However, you knew you would have had a hard time controlling yourself if it did.

“Thank you for dinner,” you thanked him with a soft voice.

“Of course, thank you for accompanying me,” he bowed like a gentleman and kissed your hand. You couldn’t help but laugh at his gesture.

“Too much?” he tilted his head.

“Don’t change a thing,” you continued to laugh. 

All sorts of thoughts about Jungkook swam in your mind as you fell asleep that night. 

Jungkook soon began to hangout with you every day. When he wasn’t out trying to take pictures, he would be in the bakery keeping you company. Your parents teased him, saying that he better buy something or else they’d kick him out, but they never did. In fact, your mom would always sneak him some freshly baked goods. 

After work, you and Jungkook would spend even more time together. It didn’t matter if you guys were exploring nature, cooling off in the stream, or just watching movies; you enjoyed it all. It was nice having someone to talk to for a change. Jungkook never asked to make plans with you, he just assumed you guys would hangout the next day when he said “see ya tomorrow!”

You knew you had a crush on Jungkook, but you didn’t know how he felt. Yes, he took you on a date. Yes, you’ve kissed. Yes, you made in cum in his pants (not necessarily in that order). You were waiting on him to ask you to be his girlfriend. You didn’t want to pressure him, especially when you knew that he’d be going back to school in the fall. 

One day, much to your chagrin, Jungkook was helping you with inventory. You argued that he shouldn’t work since he wasn’t getting paid, but he smiled and replied that spending time with you was all the payment he needed. You were too flustered to argue after that.

“Great, everything has been accounted for! Can you help me put this box back up there?” you asked him, nodding your head at a particularly high shelf that was out of your reach. You grabbed a step stool for him to make it easier.

Jungkook lifted up the heavy box of supplies with ease, and placed it back on the shelf. He looked down at you and smiled.

“What?” you cocked your head.

He said nothing as he leaned down and kissed your forehead, “You just look cute from up here.”

You looked away as you blushed, not knowing what to say. Jungkook laughed as he got down from the step stool. He teased you about it for the rest of the day.

Days flew by as it was getting closer and closer to Jungkook’s departure. You let Jungkook decide on what to do during his last day there. He picked you up at the bakery after your shift. He wanted to take one last stroll with you around town before he had to leave. You were about to hug him goodbye when he invited you over, saying that he had a box of popcorn he needed help finishing.

After watching a couple movies, Jungkook had his arms around you as you rested your head on his shoulder. Cuddling had become a norm between you two. Jungkook suddenly nudged your side, causing you to shriek.

“Sorry, just making sure you were still awake,” he giggled.

“I was, but now I definitely am,” you said as you returned the favor and tickled his sides.

It soon became a war of tickling as laughter erupted from both of you. Jungkook was just as ticklish as you were, making it a deadly battle. Before you knew it, you were straddling Jungkook, gripping both of his wrists in your hands. You both stared at each other as the laughter subsided, now replaced with heavy breathing. 

“You could easily knock me over, you know,” you said as you lowered your nose to his.

“What if I don’t want to?” he whispered back.

He moved his head upwards to kiss you, catching you by surprise. You kissed him back, pushing him back down. You lowered your hips to rest on his hardened crotch. You let go of his wrists to help him take off his shirt before removing your own. 

Once your lips connected again, Jungkook’s hands moved freely over your body, gently caressing your breasts. He treated you so tenderly, it made you even hornier. Your hands reached down to unzip his pants.

“Is this okay?” you paused to ask.

“Only if you take off your pants too,” he answered with a smirk.

Soon enough you were both down to just your underwear. You palmed Jungkook’s erection, curious to see it. It already felt huge in comparison to your hands.

“I want to fuck you, _____,” Jungkook groaned as you kissed his neck.

“I’m glad we want the same thing. Where do you want me?” you cooed. 

“Like this is fine,” he quickly answered. 

He helped you take off his underwear, revealing his massive dick. Your pussy clenched at the sight of it. You wriggled out of your panties and positioned yourself on top of him. 

“Ready?” you asked.

Jungkook just nodded, his eyes wide with anticipation. He gulped as he watched you slowly lower yourself onto him, taking in each inch slowly. You moaned as he went deeper and deeper in you. You hadn’t had sex in a long time (and admittedly it wasn’t very good). Now, you were sopping wet and Jungkook was filling you up perfectly. Once you reached the base of his dick, you took your time going back up.

From the look on Jungkook’s face, he was in pure bliss. You continued to tease him as you fucked him slowly. You transitioned from taking his entire length to just swiveling around his tip, making him moan from the overstimulation. Jungkook dug his nails into your lower back, begging you to take all of him in again.

You leaned back over and peppered kisses along his chest and up his neck. Jungkook whimpered at the sensation, his breathing grew uneven. You giggled at him as you suckled on his neck, leaving wet kisses in your wake. Once you had enough of teasing him, you slammed back down onto him, and both your moans filled the room. Your hips began to move faster as you bounced on top of him. Jungkook’s grip on you tightened. 

“I--I’m gonna cum,” he panicked.

You immediately hopped off, hoping to edge him. He whimpered at the loss of your warm pussy, but your plan seemed to work. His eyes begged you to get back on top. 

“Now it’s your turn to fuck me,” you demanded as you laid down on your back.

Jungkook complied and positioned himself between your legs. He bent over to kiss you while he pushed his cock back inside of you. He took his time at first, but then tried to pick up the pace. His movements were awkward and stiff, and his pelvis hit your hips in a way that you knew they were going to bruise later.

“Jungkook, just relax,” you commanded.

Jungkook steadied his breathing and took your advice. He was finally able to find a rhythm and stuck to it. Luckily, it was the perfect rhythm for you as he continuously grazed your g-spot. Jungkook moaned with every stroke as your warm insides squeezed around him. You wrapped your legs around him, bringing him even closer. You looked up at him to see that the usual sweet star filled doe eyes of his had switched to a version of pure ecstasy as he gazed down at you with blown out pupils. The change was a little jarring, but also incredibly sexy when you realized the potential duality Jungkook could have. You pulled him into a deep kiss, tongues exploring foreign regions as he pounded into you. 

“I’m gonna--,” his breath hitched.

“Cum on me baby,” you panted as you furiously rubbed your clit, desperate to cum with him.

With perfect timing, Jungkook got to feel you cum around him for a few seconds before he had to pull out and finish all over your chest. He gave you a quick peck on the cheek before scurrying off to find something to clean you with. 

He rested his head on your chest as you held him close. You were falling asleep when he said something.

“Sorry, what did you say?” you asked him since you barely heard him.

“I am, well I guess was, a virgin,” Jungkook admitted.

“Oh,” you tried to mask your surprise.

“I didn’t wanna say anything. I mean, how lame is it that I’m a college senior and have never gotten laid. You’re probably surprised huh? I’m not lying, I swear.”

“I am surprised, but only because you seem like ladies would be all over you. You’re so handsome, funny, charming--”

“Yes yes keep going,” Jungkook joked.

“--and a genuinely good guy. Plus I feel like being a photographer would help you meet a lot of pretty girls,” you reasoned.

“While all of that is true, the real reason is pretty embarrassing. I’m...I’ve always been kinda scared of girls,” Jungkook sighed as you tried to suppress your laughter, “I’m not kidding! I always get so nervous around girls, I could never actually talk to them.”

“So am I not a girl in your eyes?” you teased.

“You’re a woman,” he answered cockily.

“Shut up! I hope your first time was enjoyable. Thanks for entrusting me with your v card,” you laughed.

You both continued joking and laughing the night away until you fell asleep in each other’s arms. While that night was enjoyable, it made Jungkook’s absence hurt more. 

Life had sunk back into the same mundane routines once Jungkook left. Of course, he still kept in touch. He would text and video call you as often as he could. He’d send you pictures of his newest shooting locations, and you’d always be the first person he’d show his finished products. 

You loved witnessing Jungkook’s passion grow, he had a new spark in him that wasn’t there before. With your encouragement as an extra shove, he applied to his dream job. He explained to you that it was with an agency that would send him to a random country where he’d work with a participating magazine company. You secretly envied him for even having the possibility of exploring the world. 

Days and weeks started to blend together. Your parents insisted on having you help out more in the kitchen, presumably to get your mind off of Jungkook. 

It was a weird fling you had with him. However, it also didn’t seem like a fling. Most flings didn’t still keep in touch in a long distance “friendship”, or whatever it was you had. You were never officially dating, but it sure as hell felt that way. You cursed yourself for waiting for him to ask, you should’ve just done it yourself. Of course, part of you felt like you’d just hold him back if you guys actually ended up dating. 

These thoughts constantly swarmed your mind. Ironically, the only time you weren’t thinking about your dilemma was when you were chatting with Jungkook. The end of the semester was quickly approaching, and you could tell that he was getting antsy. He hadn’t gotten offers from anywhere that he applied. You could do nothing but give him hope but assuring him that someone somewhere will hire him. 

You watched snow fall outside when you got a call. 

“I GOT IN!!!” Jungkook exclaimed.

“What?! Where?!” you jumped up in excitement.

“My top choice! The one where they send me to another country! Guess where I’m going,” he sing songed.

“Umm… Italy?”

“Close! I’m going to España,” he said with a spanish accent.

“That’s amazing, Jungkook. I’m so proud of you! I knew you could do it. When do you leave?” you asked.

“In a week. God, I’m so excited! Oh, my parents are calling. I’ll talk to you later?”

“Of course. Congrats again,” you cheered before he hung up.

Before you knew it, you were crying. You were honestly happy for Jungkook, but reality hit you. You were never going to be able to tell him that you loved him. You were never going to be with him, not while you’re stuck in this town. It sucked, but you had no choice but to accept that. 

Two days had passed since that phone call. Jungkook was probably busy packing and working out minor details, so you stayed out of his way. You figured things would probably be like this from now on. Why would he bother talking to a small town girl while he’s out exploring the world? 

You were restocking the milk puddings rolls when the front bell chimed. 

“I’ll be with you in a second,” you called out.

“No worries, I’ll wait all day if I have to,” a familiar voice responded.

You dropped the rolls as you turned around with lightning fast speed. Jungkook stood at the doorway, beaming a big bunny smile at you. You ran to him, embracing him in a tight hug. He wrapped his arms around you and kissed your forehead. 

“Surprise,” he smiled.

“What are you doing here?” you asked as you wiped tears from your eyes.

“I needed to see you. I was planning on coming back and surprising you even before I left. You didn’t think I’d leave without saying goodbye, did you?” he ruffled your hair, “Oh, and those tiger flowers are beautiful,” he nodded over to the flower bouquet on the checkout counter.

“I got them because they reminded me of you,” you blushed, your ears turning red.

“Did I hear Jungkook?” you mom poked her head out of the kitchen, “Oh my goodness! Honey look! Jungkook is back!” she called your dad. 

Your parents came out to greet him. He explained everything to them, and they congratulated him. 

“How long will you be here? Aren’t you leaving soon?” your dad inquired.

“I leave tomorrow night. I wish I could stay longer,” Jungkook answered solemnly. 

“____ suddenly doesn’t have to work until after you’ve left,” your mom smiled fondly at you.

Your eyes lit up as you kissed your parents on the cheek to thank them. After grabbing your jacket, you took Jungkook’s hand and dragged him out. You both aimlessly walked around the town as you chatted. He went more in depth with the details of his job. He was most excited about capturing photos of the city. After looking up some pictures of the architecture, he immediately fell in love with Madrid.

Jungkook invited you over to watch some of the short films he worked on over the past semester. While they were just videos of his friends with no plot, you could feel their friendship seeping through the screen. The way Jungkook played with music and colors really enhanced the already well shot video. You felt at peace sitting beside Jungkook on his bed as he showed you all his past projects. Part of you wished that this moment would never end. 

“You’ve made me a better person, you know,” Jungkook said out of nowhere, “I’m more talkative around my friends, and I’ve gotten more comfortable with being myself.”

“I didn’t do anything, that’s all you,” you smiled as you poked his chest. 

“You definitely helped,” he ran his fingers through your hair, “I love you, ____.”

Your heart skipped a beat.

“I love you too. I thought I’d never get to say that,” you said with a sigh of relief. 

He looked into your eyes before leaning forward slowly. You’ve been waiting for this moment for so long, you practically pounced on him. You kissed him passionately, as if to show him how much you missed him. Clothes were thrown in every direction leading to bare skin being exposed.

Jungkook’s soft hands roamed across your body as if he were trying to memorize your every curve. His touch was a bit rougher than the last time, his lips crashed against yours as he pinched your nipples. You couldn’t tell if it was desperation, carnal lust, or just a new side of Jungkook, but you didn’t mind in the slightest. His erection pressed against your thigh as your hands tangled themselves in his dark hair. You reached down to grab his cock, gripping from the base and slowly dragging your hand to the tip and then back down. He shuddered at the sensation, moaning into your mouth. 

“Should I get on top?” you batted your eyes.

“Nope, I have a better idea,” Jungkook growled as he flipped you over onto your knees, “Can I fuck you like this?”

“Fuck me however you want,” you answered gleefully. 

Jungkook rammed into you without hesitation. He firmly gripped your hips to keep you in place as he thrusted into you. His dick sent waves of ecstasy as he crashed into you. He surprised you when he reached his hand around you to play with your clit, causing you to squirm under him.

“Be a good girl and stay still,” he ordered. 

His newfound dominance turned you on. He was no longer the baby boy that followed your every move, although you were sure that side of him was still there somewhere. You got lost in pleasure and didn’t realize how far gone you were till you felt liquid dripping down your inner thighs.

“You’re so fucking wet baby. All this for me?” Jungkook panted as he continued snapping his hips into you.

“Mhm, of course. Only for you,” you managed to moan out between thrusts.

“That’s my good girl. Get up,” he demanded as he hopped off the bed. 

You obeyed, curious as to what he was going to do. As soon as you got off the bed, he spun you around and pushed your chest back over the covers. He slipped back into you with ease, groaning as your slick juices coated his cock. This new position enabled Jungkook to directly hit your g-spot with each thrust. Again, his hand wrapped around your waist to find your clit. His other hand found purchase on your neck, slightly choking you. The overstimulation had you crying out in bliss that you had never experienced before.  

You were practically gushing now as your wetness ran down your legs and sprayed onto Jungkook’s thighs with each strong impact.  Jungkook lifted up one of your legs onto the bed, spreading your pussy.

“Now touch yourself for me,” Jungkook directed.

He didn’t have to tell you twice. Your legs started to shake as you played with your clit at the perfect pace while Jungkook drilled into you. You were sure that you had already came numerous times by this point, but you could feel the grand finale soon approaching.   

“Jungkook I--” you didn’t get a chance to finish your sentence as you climaxed onto his dick. He was infatuated with the way you looked from behind, and he couldn’t get enough of it. He pushed you back onto the bed with your legs still hanging from the edge. He reinserted himself while you laid there, completely delusional from the pounding you had been receiving. 

“You’re such a sexy woman,” he moaned as he anchored the weight of his arms onto your shoulders. 

He continued his torment downwards. Your bountiful cheeks bounced back and forth while he repeatedly rammed into your g-spot causing you to release more of the juices his massive cock craved. 

 He slowed his pace but still kept going to help you ride out your high for as long as possible. The sensation of you cumming on him was enough to bring him right to the brink of no return.

“Can I cum on you?” he pleaded in a tone all too familiar to you.

“Please do,” you nodded.

“God, you’re so sexy,” he said as he gave you a couple more hard thrusts before pulling out and coating your ass with white strings. 

Jungkook held you in his arms after wiping you down with a towel, both of your chests heaving in sync. You both managed to work up a sweat, but Jungkook still smelled amazing. He played with your hair as your eyelids started to get heavy. 

“_____,” he whispered softly.

“Yes, Jungkook?” you replied with your eyes still closed. 

“Come with me.”

“What?” your eyes shot open. 

“Come with me to Spain. I know it sounds crazy, but I don’t care. You’ll finally get the adventure you’ve always wanted, and we’ll do it together,” he kissed your forehead. 

His unexpected proposition had you overwhelmed. You were speechless. You would go with him in a heartbeat. It wouldn’t matter where you’d go, as long as you were with him. 

“Jungkook...you know I can’t do that,” you fought back tears, nuzzling yourself further into his chest. 

“I wanted to ask your parents as soon as I arrived but you rushed me out too quickly and--”

“I can’t leave them, you know that,” silent tears rolled down your cheeks. 

“I think they’d understand. Plus, you’ve said that they’ve tried to convince you to go to college,” Jungkook was getting desperate, he thought you’d agree on the spot.

“They need my help now more than ever. My parents are getting old. As much as I want to leave this place, I can’t. I’m going to be stuck here forever. I’m so sorry, Jungkook,” you wept.

“It’s okay, ___. We can ask them tomorrow, how does that sound?” he rubbed your back. 

“No, I can’t do that to them. You know they’ll say yes. I have to stay,” you sniffled.

“You’re a great daughter. I can’t force you to come with me. I’ll miss you. I don’t know how long I’ll be gone,” Jungkook’s voice started to falter.

“Don’t worry about me. Go live out your life. Eat great food. Take beautiful pictures. Meet pretty girls,” you tried to lighten the mood.

“You think I want to meet pretty girls? Why would I do that when I have you,” he hugged you tightly.

“We aren’t even dating, Jungkook. I don’t want to hinder you more than I already have,” you blurted. 

“I...I know we aren’t dating. Not officially. But that’s just a stupid label. I want to be with you,” Jungkook’s voice softened to hide his pain. 

“Maybe this was a bad idea,” you said as you got up.

Jungkook immediately pulled you back into him. Your nose brushed against his wet cheek, causing you to freeze up when you realized that he had also been crying.

“Please stay with me. At least just for tonight,” he pleaded.

“Alright. I can do that,” you softly kiss him. 

You woke up the next morning with your head on Jungkook’s chest. Jungkook looked adorable while he was asleep, with his mouth agape and his hair falling messily over his forehead. You tried to inch away, but he just pulled you closer, making it impossible to escape. 

He woke up with a yawn a couple minutes later. He smiled down at you before ruffling your hair.

“Jungkook, I’m sorry about last night. I--”

“Let’s not talk about it. This is my last day with you for god knows how long. Let’s just enjoy ourselves, okay?” he interrupted you.

It had been three years since that spring when you met Jungkook. You sometimes reminisce about the times you had with Jeon Jungkook. It honestly felt like a dream. Communication with him slowly faded away, and now the only conversations you had with him were one message long during birthdays and holidays. You kept up with him more through Instagram. He regularly uploaded his beautiful pictures, and you could tell that his talent only grew. He had a knack for making dull buildings and streets come to life. 

Your parents planned to retire soon, leaving you to tend to the bakery by yourself. They mainly managed the front-of-house work during the busy hours now. Their goal was to finally sell the bakery, but you protested against it. As much as you wanted to be rid of the chains that tied you down, you were scared. You didn’t know what you would do if the bakery was suddenly gone. It was all you’ve ever known. 

Ever since your parents announced their retirement plans, you started to dabble in pastry making. They were impressed with your skills, and your creations got added to the menu. Word spread that the already famous bakery was now carrying delicious pastries, and business soared. 

You were busy decorating your latest desserts when your mother came into the kitchen.

“Your father and I have to go run a quick errand, we’ll be back soon!” she said before giving you time to protest. You grumbled to yourself as you placed strawberries on your cakes, praying that no one would come in.

“Hello? Anyone here? The sign says open,” someone called from the front.

‘God dammit’, you thought before putting on a fake customer service smile. 

“Welcome to--” you stopped in your tracks.

Jungkook was standing in the middle of your bakery, looking even more handsome than you had remembered him. His face lit up as soon as he saw you. You couldn’t help yourself as you ran towards him, colliding into him with a forceful hug.

“I hear you sell desserts now,” he grinned.

“Jungkook! What are you doing here? Your hair, it’s so long! And...do you have tattoos now?!” you were in shock. 

“Do I look more artsy now?” he laughed, “I came to see you. I wanted to try your desserts too, of course. No one would believe me when I said nothing can compare to your family’s bakery. Oh, I have a present for you.”

You became giddy with excitement as Jungkook brought out a brown paper bag and handed it to you. You pulled out prints of a beautiful girl standing in a forest. Wait...it looked familiar…

“Is this me?” you asked as your mouth hung open.

“Yeah, these are the pictures from when you took me on that picnic. Would you believe me if I said I barely had to touch anything up? They were already nearly perfect,” Jungkook said proudly.

“It’s because you’re a talented photographer,” you smiled.  

“That, and because I had the perfect model. How could I not ask the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen to model for me?” he said as he tucked your hair behind your ear.

“So I wasn’t just practice?” you recalled asking him about it all those years ago.

“I was so nervous back then, I couldn’t bring myself to tell you the truth,” he laughed, “I’m much more open now.”

You promptly switched the ‘OPEN’ sign to ‘CLOSED’ and sat Jungkook down. You brought out one of your fresh strawberry cakes, eager to hear his opinion. His face contorted with pleasure as he took the first bite. He complimented the flavors and textures, saying that everything tasted like perfect harmony. You laughed together as he shared stories of his time abroad. He intently listened while you opened up about the struggles of the bakery. 

“Anyway, that’s enough complaining for now. I’m happy you’re back! How long are you staying for this time?” you tilted your head. 

“Depends,” Jungkook answered as he gazed out the window. He looked back at you with a serious expression. He quickly grabbed your hand and pulled you close, bringing your face just inches away from his.

“Do you still want to explore the world?” he asked.

“Of course, that’ll never change. But...you know I can’t,” you answered somberly. 

“After everything you just told me, you still think you have to stay here?” Jungkook raised an eyebrow, “My next gig is going to be in France. Come with me this time, _____.”

You stared at him with a stunned expression. You thought he had forgotten about you. Now here he is, asking you to run away with him again.

“Why did you lose touch? I thought you had moved on. I made peace with that. God, it hurt like hell, but I came to terms with it. And now we’re doing this again,” your voice cracked as tears welled in your eyes.

“Honestly, it hurt me too much. I couldn’t bear talking to you every day or video chatting you, without knowing when I’d see you next. I never stopped thinking about you. I tried. I tried to forget...but no one could ever come close to you,” Jungkook cupped your cheek in his palm, “There’s a really good patissiere academy close to where I’ll be working. You could go there and sharpen your skills! Then maybe one day open up a bakery of your own...if you wanted.”

“But what about my parents--”

“Stop using us as an excuse to hold yourself back,” your mom scolded you as she entered the bakery.

“Did you like your surprise?” your dad winked.

“You knew?” you were bewildered.

“Jungkook contacted us a while back, asking if we thought his plan could ever be a possibility. I figured you were still head over heels for him since you never dated anyone else,” your mom shrugged.

“If you want to go, go. Don’t worry about us. We can sell the bakery, and finally retire,” your dad said. 

“You have your parents’ blessing, ____. This decision is entirely up to you. What’s it gonna be? Will you come with me to France?” Jungkook asked again.

“I..,” you looked at your parents before your eyes wandered back to Jungkook, “Yes. I’d love to,” tears of joy rolled down your cheeks.

Jungkook got up and embraced you in a tight hug before he whispered, “I’ve missed you so much,” in your ear. 

“Well, we better start packing,” Jungkook turned to your parents.

“Packing? Already?” your eyes widened. 

“We leave by the end of the week!” Jungkook gleefully took your hand and dashed out of the store. 

Jungkook dragged you through the town up to your house. You couldn’t help but smile as you watched his long hair bounce around while you ran. You could’ve sworn that sometimes they looked like bunny ears.

He was definitely Jungkook, but he seemed like the upgraded version of the shy boy you once knew. He had a new confident aura around him, and he seemed more manly than boyish now. Everything was happening so quickly, but you were nothing but excited for the adventures to come. 

As long as Jungkook was by your side, you were ready to take on the world. 

Published March 26, 2021. No editing, copying, translating, or reposting allowed. All Rights Reserved © 2021 Baepsaesbae.

#bts smut #jeon jungkook smut #bangtanarmynet #btscreatorscorner #btswritingcafe #ksmutclub #jeon jungkook fluff #bts fluff #jeon jungkook angst #bts angst #jungkook fic #kpop fanfic #bts fanfic #jungkook smut #jungkook fanfic #jungkook x reader

[warmau]

☆ [nostalgic] summer romance!au chenle happy (once again late) birthday lele ! ~ find others here: johnny | haechan | taeil | taeyong | mark | jaemin | yangyang | yuta | sicheng

maybe the heat has gotten to chenle 

when he sits down on the last step of the long staircase nestled between your building and the twenty four hour grocery store

the stairs lead up to the next block, where you can hear the vague sounds of kids playing on the street. one of the voices might be haechan, he’s shouting for someone to come back

but you look at chenle and he’s looking at his knees

freshly bruised from where he and jisung both fell off their bikes a couple days ago, it’s starting to scab and he looks like he’s trying not to pick at it

“sorry, you want me to do what?”

“don’t make me say it again.”

he mutters and he won’t look at you

you know even if you ask him too - he’s probably the most stubborn person you’ve ever met -  he won’t

“no, i didn’t hear - well i did, but i mean - you’re crazy.”

“you can just say no.”

he shifts his gaze from his knees up to the sky and then after you wait patiently for another minute he finally does look at you

“do you really hate the idea of it?”

“it’s not that. it’s just.......if you really like this person, you should just fall into it naturally with them. you shouldn’t have to practice - you should just do it when it feels right.”

his mouth twitches like he’s about to scowl and roll his eyes and stomp away

because that’s what he does when things don’t go his way but instead he just stares at you and says;

“i won’t know what feels right until ive at least tried it.”

you should argue back, you and chenle are notorious for always bantering and quarrelling and leaving all of your friends either annoyed or doubling over with laughter

but you can’t think of something witty to say. something at least convincing because he makes a point

but also

how is he not embarrassed to ask me of all people that?

sighing, you’re the one who looks away and over your shoulder up the stairs

no one is around - their voices are - but they’re distant and chenle is close

so close that bruised knee of his could brush yours if he just inched a little to his left

“fine.”

you give in and turn your shoulders back toward him

“you might as well practice with me, anyone else and you might actually catch another crush on top of the one you have now.”

chenle half smirks and you don’t register the emotional shift in the light brown of his eyes

you just think he’s going along with your joke - well not really a joke, more like a statement

and that’s how you end up leaning in, one hand on the stairs as if to keep your balance even while sitting down

and the other on the side of chenle’s cheek

you hover just a moment before you kiss him - a split, wordless millisecond of hesitation - and then you let your lips gently press to his

it isn’t even a real kiss but it is the first moment of the rest of a summer you never expected

of course, you and chenle tell no one about this weird, awkward, beyond the boundaries of friendship thing you are doing

mostly because if you did haechan and jaemin would not let it go, not until you were all rolling in your graves and jisung would probably be scarred with crippling doubt of where every friendship of his stood

so you only naturally have to sneak around

chenle is a good liar though, well better than you who has trouble even looking renjun in the eyes when chenle says you and him have to leave a little earlier from the backyard barbeque someones throwing because oh right, you forgot your allergy medicine at home and chenle promised some old lady across the street he’d feed her cat while she was on holiday

they’re half-assed, badly timed lies but it is summer

and if you and chenle don’t want to have fun with the rest of the group then so be it

you guys just get teased and called debbie-downers and then you’re home free

well home free in a sense that you know have some time to sit on the rug of your bedroom and kiss

for the sake of learning

“where do i put my hands?”

chenle asks one time and you move instinctively to put one of his palms on the side of your waist. 

that’s where i like to be held-

you drop his hand as soon as the thought crosses your mind and stutter out

“well, that’s more a question for your crush. different people like it in different places.”

he nods and thinks for a second

“we’ve only kissed a couple of times but i think i like putting my hand on your waist.”

his palm ends up just where you had wanted to lead it and when a little swell of butterflies flutters in your stomach at the fact, you quell the feeling and shove it deep deep deep down 

this persists throughout the weeks, and each time you try and introduce chenle to a tier higher of kissing, if that makes sense

you’ve got down the leaning in, the hand position, the tilting your head, the emergency breath mints, the lead up or lead out, the avoid nose smashing or teeth clanking and then there’s only really one last thing you can graduate too and it’s 

“tongue?”

you almost hark on the ice-cream sandwich you’re eating when jaemin says the word

“yeah, he got his tongue pierced. are you ok?”

renjun turns his long gaze to you, the poor ice-cream melting all over the wrapper and on your fingers

“fine, yeah, it’s just - super hot. i think im gonna go home and lay under the ac.”

your eyes go from renjun to jaemin to chenle who gives a little nod and stands up from his side of the table with a groan

“sorry guys, i got a text from my mom. i gotta go now too.”

no one says anything. renjun taps his fingers and doesn’t look away from you as jaemin tries desperately to convince you both to stay and when you both say no he sticks his tongue out and asks you a question that you thought would sooner come out of anyone elses mouth

“are you two like hooking up behind our backs or something, you’re always gone when we’re having the most fun!”

you think you might really fall over - renjun, sure you could have seen him figuring it out. haechan - definitely. even jeno......but 

jaemin?

“what? like i’d ever hook up with them.”

chenle’s voice comes out, high and mocking 

it’s pretty good and you almost believe it for a second - turn around and tell him hey, you’ve been making out with me this whole entire month so if you want to end up practicing on a stuffed animal back home you better take that back!

when you realize - right, he’s covering up

you scrunch up your nose and chuck the icecream into the trash

“right, like id ever let him touch me.”

jaemin is convinced, he goes back to laughter and obliviousness, but renjun chuckles when you pass by and the undertone of it makes you shake even in the heat

“renjun knows.”

you and chenle are not in your room for once, you’re outside in a small park that’s been abandoned as the summer moon switches places with the summer sun

chenle is swinging back and forth and you’re leaning against the side of the swing set nervously biting your lip

“he gave me a look when we left.”

“are you going to teach me it by the way?”

“teach you what?”

you hear the swing come to a stop and he stands up, you don’t know if now the summer heat is getting to you

because when you look at him he looks different

he looks handsome, not just cute and sweet like you’re used to seeing him - all round faced and smiley - he’s gotten taller and is still so naturally thin it brings out the defining cuts of the sharper parts of his face

you look away immediately when you start cataloging all of this in your brain

people only do that with people they like, you don’t look at your friends and start painting their best features in your head like a psycho ........ ok not a psycho but someone that’s.....that’s in ......

“you know, how to actually kiss. not little pecks or whatever, like actual deeper kissing.”

it is obvious what he’s asking and you are pretty sure it’s just his drive to be better at all this for that person he likes 

but you feel shy about it, even a little uncomfortable with the idea of being slightly closer to someone who is using you as what could be compared with a scientific mannequin 

a how-to user guide, a one time trial period

you feel light headed and when chenle comes into your personal space and reaches out to hold you, you jerk back

“stop - wait.”

he listens 

“w-who do you even like, you never told me.”

“why’s that important?” 

his eyes widen a little and you are racing through a hundred different excuses and reasons to prolong this conversation

“well i want to know. i mean, i mean everything we practiced you’re going to use with them so i just i guess i feel like im at least entitled to know that.”

“it’s a secret, it doens’t matter either way.”

“do i know them?”

chenle frowns, “no. they don’t live near here. anyway are you ok why-”

you walk backwards, up until your back hits the fence that runs around the little park

chenle’s ticked off look turns into genuine concern and he stops a couple of feet from you and asks this time if you’re really ok, if you don’t want to do this anymore than that’s all you have to say-

he’s speaking, in almost something akin to a whisper, and the sound along with the dawning of the evening makes you remember that first kiss you gave him on the stairs

his bruised knee, haechan’s voice in the distance, the long steps leading up to the entire world and away from chenle

if you really had felt nothing for him but friendship, you would have gotten up and told him to stop playing around

you would have trotted up those steps and joined everyone else

you would have never leaned in and kissed him first

but you had and the secret that you’d stowed as far back in your heart as possible had slowly, with each day of this summer, been pulled out and out and out

and now it was big and shining and the only thing you could think about anymore

i like chenle

and everytime he kisses me

he’s thinking of someone else

“i can’t, i can’t do that with you.”

you finally find the words and then clutch your fingers into fists at your side when chenle gives you a sad look you almost never see him wear

“it’s not that i don’t want to, i do. i want to. and not to help you learn or whatever but because i really just........want to.”

that sad look is turning into something you’re too scared to look at - but you know he’s following your train of thought now

“and you should want to do that with the person you like, not a replace-”

“it’s you.”

he cuts in before you finish your sentence and like a train going at full speed you brake and everything crashes in at once

“-ment......sorry, what?”

“it’s you. you’re the person i like.”

“but- you - practice- you - what?”

the starstruck look on your face makes chenle laugh and you can’t believe the audacity, buy you also want an answer so when he wipes away his chuckling he nods

“it was you all along. do you think i’d ever want to spend days making out with someone i didn’t like?”

when you had thought something had been wrong with him on the day he’d asked you to do this the first time, you really had thought either he’d gotten heatstroke or been brainwashed

it was so unlike chenle to 1) admit he needed to practice something and 2) want to practice it with someone he wasn’t at least fond of

so really, maybe something had been wrong with you, when you had failed to see that his whole plan this time was

“you just wanted an excuse to kiss me all summer?”

he shrugs and grins, “it was nice right?”

you can’t argue or lie or disagree - it was nice - and now you’re standing here in this park with no one around and you think maybe you shuold teach chenle the last and final thing about kissing

so you finally let him come closer and with his hand on your waist, just where you like it, he leans in again

but just before you do anything else you pull back and mumble

“jaemin is going to freak out when we tell him he was right, we have been sneaking out around behind everyones back to make out.”

“yeah but renjun definitely knows right?”

you nod, right, maybe that’ll soften the shock for everyone

(it doesn’t)

and sometimes you also get another wave of shock, even after dating chenle for so long 

not much has changed - you still like to push each other and tease and pretend like you aren’t head over heels in love with each other 

if only because that’s one way to show that you are, in fact, very much attached 

and because even when you kiss in front of the group - jaemin still says it blows his mind

the only person who keeps reminding everyone that he saw this coming, even before you and chenle spent that summer locking lips 

is renjun who looks at you and chenle and is like, “one day ill probably be helping plan their wedding.”

you and chenle look at each other and pretend to gag, wedding? no way? to each other? you’d both rather die!

and then you grin and kiss and tickle noses and disappear into a bubble of your own

every time you get to be alone though you whisper against his cheek that you love him, he knows exactly how to make you happy

and he reminds you hey - you taught me everything i know, that one summer all that time ago.

#we love this trope at least i do #nct scenarios #nct au #chenle scenarios #chenle au #nct dream scenarios #nct dream au #nct #chenle #nct imagines #nct dream imagines #chenle imagines #happy birthday kiddo!!!!!!!! #zhong chenle au #nostalgic!au

[bedbellyandbeyond]

Mario Kart Double Dash

(Story Post)

Theo and Henderson were both at the former's apartment watching TV when his phone went off. Unfortunately, he'd left it on the kitchen counter and it wasn't easy to move from the couch now that he was 16 weeks pregnant with alien quadruplets. “I got it,” Henderson said getting up to swipe the phone and handed it to Theo. “Merci,” Theo said as he took it and checked the caller ID. He was surprised to see it was Korsy. He answered it. “Hello?” “Theo, you home?” “Yeah.” “Okay, I'm coming up.” “Do you need me to open the balcony door?” “No, I'll take the elevator,” Korsy said. “Just buzz me in?” “Yeah, for sure.”

A few minutes later Korsy was knocking on the door. Henderson let him in. Korsy's usual smirking nature had dissolved into a more frantic and nervous demeanour. He waved to Theo on the couch. “Hey, I'm not interrupting anything, am I?” “No. Would it matter?” Theo sighed. “Are you alright, man?” Henderson asked putting a hand on Korsy's shoulder. “You look pale.” “No, I'm fine…” Korsy said, scratching the back of his head. No one was convinced. “Theo, how have you been?” Theo shrugged. “No more morning sickness. Not in a while, anyway…” “Well, that's good!” Korsy said. He patted Henderson's back. “And I imagine you're taking good care of him?” “Doing my best.” He closed the door behind Korsy. “Are you hungry?” “No, no,” Korsy said. “Have you eaten recently?” Henderson added. “Do you have allergies or dietary restrictions?” “I, uh, no, not really and no,” Korsy said. “But I'm not hungry, it's okay.” “Alright.” Henderson went into the kitchen anyway and started heating up a bowl of stew. “Come sit,” Theo said. “Talk to me.” Korsy went over and sat down, although he still didn't seem particularly relaxed. “You need to tell me what's up,” Theo said. “You are clearly upset about something.” “Yeah, well, I, uh…” Korsy took a deep breath. “Um, I have a friend I've been, you know, getting benefits from and we're not serious or anything, but uh…” Henderson came back and placed the bowl of stew in Korsy's hands before going and sitting down himself. “Eat.” “Oh, uh. Thanks.” “Don't mention it.” Korsy took a moment to try some of the broth. “This is very good.” “My mother sent it over,” Henderson said. “Tell her she's an incredible chef,” Korsy said. “I will. Now, please continue. What's this about a friend with benefits?” “Right…” Korsy scratched the back of his neck. “We didn't know it was possible, but I might've…gotten him pregnant.” Theo's eyes widened. “Oh my god, really?” “How would you believe it wasn't possible?” Henderson asked. “Is he trans?” “No, he's cis. That's why we didn't think it could happen,” Korsy said. “How did it happen, then?” Theo asked. “Or ‘maybe’ happen.” “It's kinda weird and complicated,” Korsy explained. “But he accidentally ate something he shouldn't have and it gave him a womb and now he doesn't want to talk to me and I don't know what to do.” “Um, what in the world did he eat?” Henderson asked. “Alien made stuff,” Korsy said. “You don't have to worry about it. APID has it now. Probably will study it then destroy it.” “Okay, as long as it's not like some weird new mango or something,” Theo said. “Although, do they have to destroy it?” Henderson said. “I bet some transwomen would love that. Even some cis gay couples trying to have kids.” “Well, they are studying it,” Korsy said. “Too untested and unregulated as it is right now.” “Yeah, that's fair,” Henderson said. “Well, you don't know yet for sure if he's pregnant, right?” Theo said. “It could just be a close call.” “That's what we're hoping,” Korsy said. “But, I just… I don't want this to ruin what we have going on. At first it was just sex, but I feel like we're becoming good friends, like you and me.” “I've met you like three times,” Theo said. “That's a lot for me, to be honest,” Korsy said. “I'm away so much, if I want to make friends, it has to be quick.” “Also fair,” Henderson said. “Well, if you're going to be my friend, you have to understand that you don't leave my house hungry.” “This isn't your house,” Theo argued. “Wherever I am is home,” Henderson stated. “You certainly act like it…” Theo said. “Oh hush, you love that I feed you,” Henderson said, patting Theo’s belly. “Your mom feeds me,” Theo argued as well. “That's only sometimes. I cook for you.” Henderson turned back to their guest. “Korsy, don't you wrap it up?” “I do when there's, you know, a vagina involved. Or if they're not tellurian,” Korsy said. “Otherwise, it's whatever they want. Elves don't get STIs.” Henderson looked to Theo again. “Can you confirm?” “Confirm what?” Theo huffed. “I don't know if elves get STIs!” “No, you two almost boned,” Henderson said. “Did he wrap it up for you?” Theo blushed. “Oh. Uh, yes he did. Can we not talk about that? That was so embarrassing…” “What? It's nothing to be embarrassed about,” Henderson said. “You seduced an elf.” “Hardly, he seduced me,” Theo said. “I am certainly attracted to you,” Korsy admitted. Theo pulled a blanket over his head. “Seriously, this is too much���” “Elves certainly seem to like you as much as you like them,” Korsy said. “Considering how many you keep in company.” Henderson frowned, eyeing Korsy. “You're not still on about me being an elf?” “You're still denying it?” Korsy inquired. “I'm not an elf!” Henderson exclaimed. “The thing is, you are though,” Korsy stated. Henderson threw up his hands. “Fine, prove it then.” “Okay.” Korsy put the bowl of stew on the table, a smug grin crossing his face. “Have you ever been sick?” Henderson shrugged. “No.” “Are your ears very sensitive to touch?” Korsy asked. “Aren’t they all?” “Do you have a hard time growing body hair?” Henderson smirked. “No.” Korsy waved a hand. “That's neither here nor there… You're part human anyway.” “I'm all human,” Henderson stated. “Do you resonate with any one or more elements of nature?” Korsy continued. “For example, animals, water, ores, gemstones, fire, wind, the moon, the sun, the stars, etc.” “Define resonate,” Theo piped in. “Is it like a glow or something?” “No, it's like… Well, for me, I have a good bond with magical animals,” Korsy said. “Anyway, it's hard to explain. It's a really strong pull towards those kinds of things. And them to you.” “I can't think of anything like that,” Henderson said. “What about people?” Theo asked. “Henderson's really good at attracting a crowd. People always want to hear his stories and hang out with him at work and stuff.” “That's called being an extrovert,” Henderson stated rolling his eyes. “I mean some magical creatures have a way with people, but mostly demons and sirens,” Korsy said. “Demons are real?!” Theo gasped. “Oh, yeah. But don't worry about them. You're not surprised about the sirens, though?” “He met a mermaid already,” Henderson said. “At that pregnancy group.” “No, he's my case worker,” Theo said. “Oh, right! Fay!” Korsy recalled. “Yeah, Fay's cool.” “We are way off topic,” Theo re-centred. “Right.” Korsy stood up and held his hands out, palms up. “All these questions don't really matter as much as the physical. Stand up, Mr Neil. Lift your arms.” “This is stupid,” Henderson said but Theo nudged him and he got up reluctantly. “Hurry up.” “I said lift your arms,” Korsy said. “Also, it's easier with your shirt off.” “You're lucky you're cute...” Henderson stripped down to his waist and put his arms up. “What, might I ask, are you looking for?” “Elf mark,” Korsy said. “Don't worry, There's only three possible ones below the belt and they're very unlikely considering already what we know about you, so I'll only look for those ones if I don't find any other one.” “Well, you won’t so I might as well undo my drawstrings…” Henderson stated. “Also, I have a lot of ‘marks'. Even if you think you found something, it's probably my condition.” “Elf marks are very specific. It’s not gonna look like a skin condition.” Korsy took out his phone to cross reference a photo he had from a book he wasn't allowed to read, let alone photograph. He checked under Henderson's armpits first. “Not an aquatic elf...” He turned out both of Henderson’s palms. “Not wood or wild.” “How many are there?” Theo asked. “Uh, several,” Korsy said. “About nine, I think?” He went behind Henderson and sighed. “Darn, not Avariel. That would've been unlikely, but so cool...” “What are Avariel?” Henderson asked. “Winged elves,” Theo said excitedly, pulling himself up off the couch so he could look too. “You do know your stuff,” Korsy said. “Anyway, they're long gone.” Korsy pushed forward Henderson's ears to check behind them. “Not Star or Lythari.” “What's left?” Theo asked. “Just Drow, Sun and Moon,” Korsy said. “I don't think he'd be drow, but we'll check anyway. Pants off.” “Are you serious?” Henderson huffed. “You can keep your panties on,” Korsy shrugged. “Just need a look at the inner thigh and then your butt.” “Let me guess, Moon is on the butt?” Henderson sighed. “…Listen, I don't make this stuff up. It's ancient,” Korsy said. “I can assure you, there's nothing there,” Henderson stated. “How often do you look at your butt?” Korsy asked. “Probably a lot,” Theo said. “He has a nice butt.” “I have a nice butt,” Henderson concurred. “Well, we can check the Sun first if you want,” Korsy said. “Not much hope for that one though, but we'll see.” “Where's that one?” Theo asked. “Sole of the foot,” Korsy said. “My feet are completely vitiligo at this point,” Henderson said. “Even if there was something there, it'd be gone.” “Humour me,” Korsy said. Henderson grimaced, but he sat down and put his foot up on the coffee table. “You better not have a foot fetish or something.” “I'm just taking a look, I'm not taking pictures,” Korsy said. “You didn't say ‘no'.” “I don't have a foot fetish,” Korsy stated. “Frankly, it's the last place I want to look. I'm a butt guy.” He went around the coffee table and picked up Henderson's foot before putting it down. “Hm. Other one.” Henderson switched feet, and then Korsy's eyes lit up. He picked up the other man's foot and wiped at it with his thumb, checking in case what he was seeing was dirt. “What?” Henderson groaned in annoyance. “Ha, you're walking on sunshine, baby!” Korsy said in delight. “You have to be kidding...” Henderson pulled his foot back so he could get up and try to look at his sole. Right on his heel, he saw the little circle of spots with little dots around the outside, mimicking solar flares. “What the hell...” Theo spread his arms. “Oh my god, you're a Sun Elf!” Henderson exhaled in frustration and put his foot down. “I...ugh, this is dumb...” “Sun elves are pretty incredible, I'm not gonna lie,” Korsy said. “I didn't suspect them, but it wasn't impossible. The whole extrovert thing makes sense though. They're very civil and good with magic.” “Are you happy now?” Henderson snapped. “You figured it out. Now what? Do you like me more knowing I'm an elf?” “Whoa, man. Chill,” Korsy said. “It's not like that at all. Just wanted to help you discover something new about yourself. Don't you want to know your background?” “No! I knew my background!” Henderson exclaimed. “I was proud to be what I was! What I knew! People have always tried to tell me that being who and what I am was bad, secondary, unimportant. They wanted me to be something else! But I made myself love me and my skin! I love my black heritage! I don't need to be anything else! Do you understand that?” “I'm not trying to take any of that away from you,” Korsy said. “But, I'm sorry, man, I... I don't know, I thought you'd want to know.” “I've said I didn't want to know,” Henderson reminded. “I don't need you to think for me.” “I'm sorry. I thought...” Korsy didn't know what else to say. “Did you, though? Did you really think?” Henderson asked. “I only let you do this because you're going through some shit right now and you needed a distraction. But this is too far.” Korsy crossed his arms. “Look, man. I said I'm sorry. I don't know what else to tell you. I don't appreciate you insulting me." “Oh, fuck off, honestly,” Henderson said. “I'm done with this.” “You agreed to do this.” “I didn't think you'd actually find anything!” Henderson spat. He went to the door and started pulling on his shoes. “What, you're just leaving?” Theo asked, waddling over. “I'm sorry, Theo. I just gotta go,” Henderson said. “No, this is my fault.” Theo apologised. “I'm sorry, I shouldn't have encouraged him...” “It's fine, okay?” Henderson said opening the door. “I still... I need to breathe.” “Okay...” “I will call you.” “Okay.” Korsy went to follow Henderson. “Listen, let's just talk about this.” “No. Stay here,” Henderson said, stopping him with his hand. “You and Theo can geek out about elf shit and whatever. I gotta go.” “Alright, dude...” Korsy sighed. “I am sorry. Really.” Henderson backed out and just shut the door. “Shit...” Korsy groaned and went back to the couch. He covered his face. “Fucking hell... Am I just pushing away everyone today?” “It's okay... Henderson will calm down,” Theo said, coming back and sitting down. “I think it's just a lot for him to take in... And you didn't push your friend away. Everyone needs time.” Korsy took his hands away and his eyes were tearing up. “I just... I don't want people to be miserable. Not because of me.” “No one wants that, but honestly, they won't be,” Theo said. “I mean, I've been pretty fucking miserable lately, but I do think I’ll get through this... You'll get through this and so will they. And let me handle Henderson.” “Yeah... I'm really sorry I dropped in out of nowhere and dropped all this drama on you,” Korsy said. “I know you've got a lot going on.” “I've pretty much just accepted this stuff, so there's not actually much for me to do, except just keep sitting on my ass...” Theo said. “In a few weeks, I'm supposed to start growing again though. Not looking forward to that.” “Well, you've got good care and I think you're gonna get through it,” Korsy said. “I appreciate that.” Theo patted Korsy's knee. “And don't apologise for looking for help. What's worrying you most about this situation, though?” Korsy took a deep breath. “My friend... He says he doesn't want to be pregnant, and he bought a pill for it... But, I don’t know, I'm worried he'll change his mind? And I can't...I can't be a dad...” “Boy, do I feel that...” Theo said, rubbing his stomach. “But, I mean, I don't know your friend, but if you feel like he feels the same way, then I don't think you should worry about it.” “Yeah, I trust him,” Korsy said. “It's all I can do... And we're not a couple, and he has a pretty small apartment and he seems more work driven than anything, so I think we're okay, but it's just that little chance that's scaring me.” “Well, you said he might not be pregnant at all,” Theo said. “So, it's like there's three ways it could go, and the majority is in favour of no baby.” “Yeah, you're right...” Korsy closed his eyes for a moment. “You're right. Thanks.” “Listen, feel free to stay over if you want,” Theo said. “There's more food, and we could watch more Mando. To keep your head off of things.” “Yeah, if it's alright... If Henderson comes back though, he probably won't want to see me.” “Don't worry about Henderson. You know, we could play Mario Kart first.” “Yeah, so you can challenge my win streak?” “Last time was a fluke.” “Sure. You're on.”

#lore #Theo #Henderson #Korsy #trans preg #transman #mpreg #mpreg belly

[pale-silver-comb]

OT3 things I would very much like in the Leverage reboot:

- Eliot begrudgingly filling up an already well stocked cupboard with even more cereal and an entirely separate fridge with orange soda. (He comes home with nothing else, despite saying he was going to go get Brewery supplies.)

- Hardison covering the other two with a blanket when they are tuckered out after a job. A sleepy Parker complaining she wants the blanket Eliot knitted her for Christmas, causing Sophie to raise an eyebrow and Eliot to blush and mutter “she gets cold”.

- Background hand-holding.

- Parker climbing into their laps during job briefings and the other two glaring when someone points out there are three other couches/chairs she could sit on. Occasionally she’ll be eating cereal and casually offers whoever she’s sitting on a spoonful. (Hardison always accepts but Eliot always looks like he’s going to cry over whatever rainbow concoction Parker has in her bowl and when her head is turned tries to sneak some vitamin C in there.)

- Hardison developed an allergy over the years - maybe to dogs or cats- but he never remembers to bring his meds with him. Eliot and Parker know this and you always see them in the background each pocketing the meds before they head out on a job.

- Sophie comes in to the Brewery and asks where Eliot is. They shrug and say “he said it was date night”. Cut to Parker throwing a screaming Hardison off a building and Eliot telling him fondly “you can pick where we go next time” when he gets to the bottom.

- COMPETENCE PORN MONTAGE.

- A flashback scene where Eliot is on a side-job with Quinn who asks “so how’s the family?” as they fight their way out of a basement and Eliot says “fine. Parker wants a dog” before punching a guy in the face.

- On a job, Parker is pretending to be a Suburban Mom or something and someone asks “will your husband be coming to the game on Friday?” Parker Does Not Like This Person - they’ve been aggressively hitting on her all day - and very deliberately replies “which one?”

- Clothes sharing. Eliot taking out his hair tie and offering it to Parker because hers snapped in the middle of a job. Hardison stealing Eliot’s jacket when he gets cold (and Eliot letting him). (Since Aldis Hodge won’t be present as often as the rest of the cast) Parker stopping in the middle of a job rundown to sniff Eliot’s t-shirt and say knowingly “I miss him too” (he’s literally only been gone three days to see Nana) before stripping and also changing into one of Alec’s shirts.

- Postcards or emails from kids they’ve taken in and helped over the years. Sometimes they send Parker, Hardison and Eliot names of people who could use their help. Like “Lacy just texted me to say three of her neighbors have been made homeless. We should check that out.” “Is she still working for that bakery?” “She’s running it now.” Eliot softly, “that’s my girl.” Alternatively, Parker: “JAMIE JUST STOLE THEIR FIRST INTERNATIONAL STATUE, I’M SO PROUD!! ELIOT SEND THEM CAKE!”

- Stolen memorabilia in the apartment from over the years and when Sophie picks up something and asks about it Parker perks up and says “that’s from our third-first anniversary!” “Third-first?” Parker gets a dreamy look in her eyes and replies “to mark the first time we stole the crown jewels together.” “The crown - wait the FIRST time?” (In the background someone says “how many anniversaries do you guys have?” and Hardision and Eliot share a long suffering look before saying “don’t ask”.)

- Hardison still trying to convince Eliot virtual-reality fishing is better and when they begin to argue there’s a cut to several flashbacks where Eliot tries to teach Hardison to fish for real and Hardison either always ends up falling into the pond/lake or manages to somehow capsize the boat when trying out "new fishing tech". It's just a solid three minutes of Eliot yelling "dammit, Hardison!" followed by a loud splash.

- Whenever you see Hardison in Lucille, there is a digital photo frame just far enough out of shot you know it has a permanent place there that shows pictures of the three of them on a loop. (It’s clear Hardison has a favourite photo - Eliot and Parker laughing and covered in baking flour- because it appears no less than eight times during one loop.)

#leverage #leverage ot3 #I JUST NEED SOFT MOMENTS OKAY #parker #alec hardision #eliot spencer #parker x hardison x eliot #talk leverage to me

[izzielizzie]

Milhouse by Maisie Peters for Pip and Ravi?

Under the cut

I think it's all gonna work out And I thought that yesterday and when I was sixteen

Pip, Connor, and Cara sit at Pip’s kitchen table the day after Jamie is found. They try to talk, once or twice, but it drifts into nothing before any of them can figure out the end of their sentences. 

“I’m sorry, Pip,” Connor says.

Pip shakes her head at him, her way of telling him he has nothing to apologize for. She’s not quite sure what he’s talking about: Stanley or Max or what, but she wants to kick herself.

And both of those times it didn't, but

She truly thought that everything was going to be okay. Maybe she should have learned from last time, but some things just can’t be predicted. When Pip’s doorbell opens, no one bothers to answer it, and when Josh runs to get it, Pip doesn’t even bother to warn him about checking first before answering. She just doesn’t think she can talk over the scream building up inside her. When Ravi enters the room, clapping Connor on the shoulder and squeezing Cara’s hand gently, Pip doesn’t even notice. She’s trying so hard to not break down that she doesn’t even feel Ravi wrapping her in his arms, putting her back in place. She wraps her arms around him instinctively. 

I think it's all gonna work out

With a sigh, Pip rests her head on his shoulder, his chin digging into the top of her head, and for the first time since yesterday, she closes her eyes. 

Don't need a blood moon or a horoscope to tell me That this time will be different

“We’ll get Max in jail,” Ravi whispers into her hair, and to Cara and Connor too.

Pip just tightens her arms around him, letting herself believe that again, just for a moment.

A little drop of honey and the picture's clearing up

Pip sneezes as she reviews the witness statements from the calamity parties.

“Are you sick?” Cara asks, concerned.

“Nah, it’s just -” Pip interrupts herself to sneeze again. “Seasonal allergies.”

Wordlessly Ravi stands from the table and heads to the cabinet over the sink where he pulls out the bottle of honey. Pip doesn’t question how he knows the layout of her kitchen, or why he’s squeezing the honey onto a spoon. He hands it to her. 

“Eat it, it’ll help.”

Pip takes the spoon.

“Why?” Connor asks as he watches Pip slowly eat the honey.

“Something to do with pollen, I’m not sure. My mom uses this trick, it always helps.”

Pip extends her leg and tucks her foot under Ravi’s thigh in a silent thank you.

Cup of coffee spilling over Oh, cleaning all my cards

Three days later, Pip puts a cup of coffee on the table next to Ravi, the drink sloshing onto the counter, staining the corner of the picture Ravi is looking at. 

“Careful Sarge,” he says, wrapping an arm around her waist, pulling her into him. She drops into his lap. “Can’t stain the pictures.”

“Technically, coffee is an abrasive, so really, you should be thanking me.”

Ravi rests his head on her shoulder. “Only you’d know that.”

A pessimist by nature, but in you baby I trust

Pip watches as Ravi hops around her room, grinning at her. “Pip this is a lead. A real lead!”

“I know,” Pip says with a grin as she reads the interview Ravi convinced a previously reluctant witness to give. 

Ravi stops hopping. “You think that? Really? I thought you said you weren’t going to hope about this.”

“I know, but, I trust you.”

Ravi grins at her, his eyes crinkling in a way that makes her heart ache. 

“And I’m so proud too.”

Oh, everything's coming up Milhouse

Ravi pulls her up from the bed and pulls her into a tight hug. “Pippa, I prouder of you than you can ever be of me.”

Pip hugs Ravi so tightly he has to physically push her away to breathe, laughing as he does. 

I think it's gonna be good news 'Cause you deserve it and we're somewhat decent people

“This just a preliminary hearing,” Pip keeps reminding Cara and Connor as they sit in front of the TV.

“We know,” Connor says. Pip wasn’t sure Max would have been tried again, since double jeopardy wasn’t allowed, but a new girl had stepped forward. 

“You keep telling us,” Cara adds.

“She’s mostly reminding herself,” Ravi assures them as he pulls Pip into his lap. “This is going to work out. I know it.”

“Why?” Pip asks.

“Because we’re good people trying to do the right thing, and I think in the universe will acknowledge that.”

Or at least trying to be

“I hope so,” Pip says, thinking briefly of Stanly before pushing the thought away by pulling Ravi’s arms from is side, wrapping them around her torso. 

And the world is awful and the ice caps they are melting

“Maybe we should tackle climate change next,” Connor says a few days later. They’re stuck in the limbo where they’ve done everything the could, but still know that it wasn’t enough.  

Cara throws a kernel of popcorn at him to get him to shut up. He catches it in his mouth, chewing meditatively.

“Someone’s gotta fix the ice caps right?” he continues. He glances at Pip’s tired eyes and sighs. “It’ll work out,” he says as Ravi pushes through the back door.

But today you bought me flowers

Pip sees him hide something behind his back out of the corner of her eye. 

“What is that?” Cara asks. 

“A surprise for Pip.” 

Pip looks up from the text book she’s been staring at for an hour to see Ravi holding a bouquet of pink roses. Her favorite. She laughs as the takes them from him, instantly smelling them. 

So, I'm choosing to believe

“Maybe it will work out,” Pip says, her voice dry as she leans up to kiss Ravi.

“What?” he asks. 

“Talking to Connor.”

The future is a wishing well And I'm gonna invest

After Cara and Connor leave, Pip finds herself stretched out on the couch next to Ravi. 

“Do you think this will stay the same when we’re older?” she asks, apropos of nothing. 

“Murder and other unpleasantries? I sure hope not.”

“No, I mean us,” Pip says in her serious voice. 

Ravi looks at her. “I think there can only be so many bad things in a person’s life. And we’ve hit the max.” Ravi laughs as he adopts his sailor voice. “It’s smooth sailing from here baby.”

Pip snorts. Secretly, she thinks of the world as a wishing well, where if she hopes enough, she’ll get something.

Throw a couple of pounds in Oh, lying on your chest

And she sure hopes that she’ll stay with Ravi forever. “I love you,” she mumbles as she rests her head on his chest. His hand moves to her back.

“I love you too Sarge.”

A pessimist by nature, but in you baby I trust

Pip and Ravi watch the next trial together, their fingers intertwined. “This will work out.”

Pip leans against him.

Oh everything's, coming up Milhouse

“I hope so,” she says, reaching up to fondly push his hair off his forehead. 

Sorry it's strange that I'm crying

It takes three days for the verdict to come, and on the first excruciating day, Connor, Cara, and Pip find themselves in the center of town, getting ice cream. Unfortunately, Ant and Lauren are there too.

“Enjoying the free press?” Ant snickers as they leave the shop at the same time as the couple. The three of them are meeting Ravi for a walk, despite the rain, and they were all blocked from exiting by the newspaper reporter who had replaced Stanley. 

Before any of them can answer, Ravi, who had reached them right as Ant spoke, pushes Ant against the wall. 

“Here’s a suggestion Anthony,” Ravi says menacingly as Lauren tries and fails to push Ravi away. With a scoff Cara shoves Lauren into Connor. Ravi ignores them. “Stay away from Pip. I mean it. Stay the fuck away from her or else.” He releases Ant unscathed, and as they scamper away, Pip can feel the tears falling to fall onto her shirt. Connor notices first. 

“Pip?” 

Ravi sees and pulls her into a hug. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that, I’m sorry” he repeats as he rocks her back and forth, Pip sobbing into his chest. Cara rubs her back.

Think it's because you're the one

“No, it’s not that,” Pip says as she pulls away. “I just can’t take this anymore. I can deal with all the comments, but from my friends? i can’t.”

“They’re not your friends, not anymore,” Connor says darkly.

“We are,” Cara adds. Pip sniffles and nods. 

“Yeah, you’re right.” She wipes her eyes and turns to Ravi. “Thank you for defending me.” 

Ravi drops into an exaggerated bow. “Anything for you Trouble.”

I think it's all gonna work out And I thought that yesterday and when I was sixteen

Pip, Cara, Ravi, and Connor pile onto Pip’s bed as the verdict comes in. She thinks about the way she felt the first time around. 

And both of those times it didn't

She was broken when she heard Max’s first verdict. Maybe she had always been broken, but that was the first time she felt it.

But a little drop of honey and a little glass of rain

And as she squeezes Cara’s hand now, she realizes that in the past month or so, she’s slowly been put back together. She thinks of Ravi quietly handing her the honey because he knew she would work through anything and a little sniffle would be ignored entirely. She thinks about how he defended her against Ant without a second thought. She thinks about every quiet moment where Ravi helped her put her pieces back together. And she realizes how grateful she is. 

Babe you'll be surprised, how much a girl can change

She turns to Ravi with a smile, and as she hears the announcer gear up to say the verdict, she knows that maybe this was always supposed to happen: she had to struggle to know what love and happiness feels like.

“I love you,” she whispers to Ravi as the announcer speaks:

“Guilty.”

#pip fitz-amobi #ravi singh #a good girl's guide to murder #good girl bad blood #spoilers #ish #izzielizzie's fics

[terresdebrumestories]

Available for consultation

FANDOM: The Old Guard (2020) SERIES: - RATING: General audiences WORDCOUNT: 4 776 words PAIRING(S): None CHARACTER(S): Nile Freeman (POV), Yusuf Al Kaysani, Andromache the Scythian, Niccolo di Genova (mentioned), Sébastien Le Livre (mentioned). GENRE: Mutual care, Nile Freeman character introspection. TRIGGER WARNING(S): None that I can think of :) SUMMARY: Nile misses her mother but doesn't know how to talk about it or with who. fortunately, Bâtard the emotional support tortoise is here to help. NOTE(S): This was originally written for Nile Week 2020 but never put online because of reasons, so now here it is, longer and better written than it was :D Hugest thanks to @avaniesque for the most excellent beta work :D [ALSO AVAILABLE ON AO3.]

Nile gasps when something soft bumps against her foot, hurriedly wiping at her cheeks as she turns towards the door. It looks empty at first, the cobwebs they didn’t bother dealing with earlier in the day gently swaying in the air. There’s some shuffling along the dusty floor, a light click of nails on stone, and then a small oblong head appears near the bottom. This is swiftly followed by short scaly legs and a black and brown shell wrapped in a crocheted lab coat. Nile tenses, unprepared for any sort of human company at the moment, but relaxes when it becomes apparent Booker has not elected to follow his pet around.

Said pet has now fully entered the living-room and is beelining for a strawberry resting against her right pinky toe. It looks good enough to eat, as does the rest of what Booker feeds it, which Nile still doesn’t really understand but who is she to tell Booker how to care for his pet? Bâtard, of course, is unconcerned by her surprise and eventually gets to chomping on the strawberry.

Nile’s eyes are dry by now, the tight press of sadness around her heart still present but past its peak, at least for now. It still takes her a couple of seconds to realize the small square of bright white on the side of Bâtard’s outfit is a piece of paper. She picks it up to find a few words from a hand that hasn’t yet lost the impeccable penmanship of its first life. Apparently it’s hard to let go of habits people beat into you with a stick. The note reads : “He’ll keep your secret as long as you keep paying. First one on me.” It makes Nile smile.

(Andy, Nicky and Joe are all just as capable of impeccable calligraphy, but when free not to pay attention to it they tend to revert to script letters. Booker is the only one who insists on torturing them all with permanent cursive written with fountain pens on special paper.)

She doesn’t know Booker all that well, yet. Seven years ago, he was the quiet grumpy member of the group who didn’t seem to care much whether Nile stayed or left. Then he was the one who made a pretty compelling case against Nile seeing her family again—revealing himself to have some unresolved issues in the process—and then he was the one whose issues exploded all over the rest of the group. Now he’s mostly the one who was brought back way too soon, who knows it, and tries to make himself as scarce as possible because of it.

Mostly, it means that while Nile is the one who’s exchanged the most words with him so far, it’s also pretty much been limited to the topic of...well. His tortoise. All in all, much less informative about the man compared to just watching him settle said tortoise up in every safehouse they use, no matter how temporary. (Nile would help, but she’s not entirely sure how the others would take it. It seems prudent not to.) Or looking at the cozies the tortoise parades around on a regular basis...or, as the case may be, discovering he’s taken the time to bedeck his precious reptile in a new outfit for the sole purpose of leaving it (uncharacteristically) unsupervised in Nile’s company just so she has someone to talk to.

“You’re not who I want to talk to either,” she says, because she’s under no illusion that her solitude today has been accidental. “I mean, I know they’re trying I just—”

Nile sighs, wiping at her face in a vain attempt to clear her head, but the gesture only brings fresh moisture to her eyes as she tries to swallow down her frustration. It feels almost silly, in the grand scheme of things, to be this upset over this, but, well... Hearts do what they want, and there’s nothing Nile can do about that, so eventually she looks down at Bâtard’s scaly little head and tells the tortoise:

“It’s my mom’s birthday tomorrow. She’s turning sixty-five and I—”

Nile claps a hand on her mouth to stifle the sob wrenching itself out of her, but it feels piercing and loud in the quiet evening air nonetheless. She breathes around it for a bit, unwilling to attract company just yet, and reaches down to rub Bâtard’s head with her forefinger.

“I want to be with her,” she eventually confesses to the tortoise. “I want to be there and hug her, I—I miss my mom.”

Nile knows she can call. They’ve got burner phones, Copley’s skills to keep them hidden, and an uneasy truce with Quynh ensuring the biggest threat they’ve faced so far isn’t much of one for now. Three years ago she wouldn’t even have had that: her mother and brother both convinced she was dead and buried somewhere in the mountains of Afghanistan. She believes with all of her heart that her mother and brother would never blame her for living when they can’t.

Her mother is starting the second half of her sixties, and she’s not there to see it. Her mother, who’s growing older and greying a little at the temples. Her mother, who deserves better than never knowing when they’ll see each other again, with little-to-no news in between visits. Her mother, who was there for her in every way she could and every way that counted, and for whom Nile wants to be there but can’t. Her mother, who will not be there forever.

(Sometimes, the thought hits Nile out of nowhere, and it takes an impossible effort not to drop everything right then and there to jump in the first flight to Chicago.)

“It’s just—” Nile pauses, trying to pick her words so she can really make Bâtard understand, as impossible as that is, and continues : “They’re great. All of them. They’re—even Booker’s not so bad. I mean, I’m kind of stuck in the middle of the family feud so that’s not the best feeling, but... They’ve gone above and beyond to help me feel welcome, they’ve taught me so many amazing things…. They’re just...not my mom.”

Bâtard, done with his strawberry, lifts his head to look at her, and Nile swears he even leans into her scratching, just a little. It’s a pleasant surprise and she finds herself smiling, not very bright but present nonetheless. It soothes something in her, too, not to be alone right now even though she’s not ready for human company. Both her mother and Jordan have allergies so they’ve never had pets before, and Nile never really longed for one either. Right now, though, she thinks she understands a little better what endears them to people.

“I’m...scared,” she admits, keeping her voice quiet like it’s going to make a difference. “I know I’m going to lose her one day, that’s inevitable, but I don’t want to find out about it months later because my brother couldn’t reach me...I don’t want to find out about his death from nephews and nieces who’ll barely know who I am, if they know I exist at all.” Nile sighs again, sobs crowding in her throat and tightening her voice as she admits: “I wish I hadn’t listened to Booker.”

That last admission is what breaks the dam, and all of a sudden Nile is sobbing again, and she couldn’t stop if she wanted to. There’s misery here, and anger too, maybe even more than there was at the beginning. It was...easier, in a way, to pretend to be dead. She had to mourn, of course, and that tore at her and still does sometimes, but it was a clean cut. It was simple.

Now her mother knows she’s alive and her brother knows and it’s a relief for all of them, but it also means Nile has to be the one consciously deciding not to call home until she’s in a safe enough place to do so, not to text until she can do it from a sufficiently untraceable phone. The temptation there is a hundred times harder to resist because it would be so easy not to.

“If it makes you feel better,” Joe’s voice says from the threshold, “I think we can all sympathize with that sentiment.”

He’s being quiet and careful—it’s the middle of the night after all—but Nile is still startled, and she pretends to glare at him until he tilts his head in quiet enquiry. In response she sighs, wipes at her wet cheeks again, and waves him over. He smiles, something almost like relief in it, and steps lightly into the living room.

“Mind the doctor,” Nile tells him, gesturing at the remains of the strawberry, as he lowers himself on the ground next to her.

“The doct—you mean Bâtard?”

“Yeah he’s—”

In that instant, Nile realizes she has no idea where Bâtard went. He was chilling by her feet, seemingly content to go to sleep soon, and now he’s nowhere to be seen. The realization is enough to send Nile’s heart racing, horrified at the thought of being the one under whose watch Bâtard meets an unfortunate end.

Sure, it isn’t her pet and she and Booker aren’t really close—not like she’s becoming with the others, at any rate—but 1) Bâtard doesn’t deserve to die and 2) it doesn’t take a genius to realize his demise would be absolutely disastrous for Booker’s mental health, and no one wants to see the consequences that could have on the rest of them. Joe must have gone through a similar realization, because as soon as Nile falls quiet he tenses and gets back up into a crouch.

“Please tell me we didn’t lose the tortoise,” he whispers, like he thinks Booker might be listening in on them.

“We didn’t lose the tortoise,” Nile replies because it’s barely been five minutes and Bâtard cannot possibly have gone far in that time frame.

“Good,” Joe says while Nile rummages through her pocket for her phone and turns the flashlight on, “because I don’t think any of us are prepared to deal with the fallout of—”

“We did not lose the tortoise,” Nile interrupts, her tone firm enough to pretend she’s not actually nervous about this. “Can you turn the light on? I’m getting nowhere with this.”

Joe does, and Nile spots Bâtard almost instantly, ambling in his unhurried stroll towards the fridge like he knows where the treats come from...maybe he does, Nile really doesn’t know enough about tortoises to tell. Either way, it’s a relief seeing him there, and she turns to let Joe know she’s found their target.

“Oh thank God,” Joe sighs, sagging with it. “I really don’t want to find out what Booker would be like if we lose him.”

“You know,” Nile remarks as she follows Bâtard’s mosey to the fridge, “I’ve been thinking maybe it’s time the lot of you had a talk about this.”

Joe winces, and Nile can sympathize with that if she’s really honest. She doesn’t feel the same about what happened, but then she doesn’t have a shared history with Booker the way the others do; it’s easier for her to let go faster. Still, Booker’s been back for nearly three months now, and Nile is getting tired of feeling like she needs to be walking on eggshells between the two parts of the group. Joe sighs.

“Which ‘this,’ do you think?”

“All of them,” Nile retorts, careful to keep her voice gentle. She’s not trying to force anyone into anything, after all. “Just...it’s been months, and you’re still avoiding each other. You all need to talk.”

Joe sighs again, running a hand over the nape of his neck. He looks like he might be ready to talk with someone, but the very thought of it makes Nile want to recoil. Another day, maybe. When she’s got more energy, and more space in her head for other people’s problems.

Not right now.

“Remember you’re on my strawberry,” Nile says, smiling to turn it half into a joke, “if you need a consultation you pay your own fee.”

“Alright,” Joe chuckles, good natured even in the middle of the night. “That’s fair.”

He sobers up soon after, growing quiet and serious to ask: “Is it working for you? Or would you like to tell me what’s going on? I’ll even listen for free, if you’re short on strawberries.”

Nile snorts. The truth is, she does feel better for having told him what was going on, even if her ‘consultation’ was accidentally cut short. She’s not sure how much of this she wants to share with the team just yet. There’s never an easy way to tell people who want to help you that they can’t because they’re simply...not who you want at that moment.

“Actually, I’m good right now,” she tells Joe. “Take you up on it another time?”

Joe visibly hesitates, something a little worried in his frown, so Nile gives a fond smile and leans up to squish him in a hug as much as she can manage.

“Thank you,” she tells him, relaxing when he returns the embrace just as tight and actually lifts her up against him. “I’m good, I promise. It’s not─you can probably guess most of it, honestly. I just...I feel kind of awkward about it, I guess.”

“Because we’re too close?” Joe guesses, and Nile nods.

“Sometimes it’s just easier to talk to someone uninvolved.”

“Well,” Joe says, something too wet in his throat to be only about Nile, “I’m glad you have that then. Just...just know I mean it.”

“I know,” Nile promises, chest warming from the care and the obvious concern. “Now go to sleep, old man.”

“Yes ma’am.”

Nile gives Joe a playful shove, snorting when he pretends to stumble, and watches him go with the stretch of a smile sinking into her cheeks. Slowly, the air around her grows still again, the vague sounds of a forest at night and a door creaking barely even noticeable.

How much sleeping is actually taking place on the other side of the safehouse, Nile doesn’t know. She learned very quickly that no one on this team is capable of normal sleep patterns. It’s quiet all the same, and after a few seconds of standing in place, she goes to the fridge, retrieves a peach quarter from Bâtard’s snack box and she plops the offering in front of him, turns the light off, and sits back down next to the tortoise.

“Alright,” she tells him, “maybe I wasn’t completely fair with your dad. I mean...he was wrong, but it’s not like he was trying to be cruel. And he did have a bit of a point.”

She still can’t quite stand the thought of losing her family. It’s unavoidable, she knows. One day, maybe, she’ll make her peace with it, but for now...no. She doesn’t want to think about that any more than she already has tonight.

“I know there’s a purpose,” Nile tells Bâtard. “I’ve seen it. I’ve witnessed it. And we’re getting better at it! I know I’m doing more good here than I used to as a soldier...but sometimes I wish there wasn't a purpose and I could just go home.”

Bâtard, either oblivious to or unconcerned by Nile’s predicament, keeps munching on his piece of peach, and Nile can’t help but smile down at him, reaching to rub at his head once more.

“You really are a good listener,” she tells him. “You’re still not my mom though. She’s the one I want to talk to.”

Bâtard looks up then, and straight at Nile with something that could almost pass for a purposefully flat expression...and, really, he’s not wrong. It’s nearing three am here which makes for...maybe ten or eleven in the evening in Chicago? And sure, Mom’s not so young anymore and could probably use the sleep...but today is her birthday, and Nile’s always tried to phone her on the day before, and she has a burner phone with her so, really, what’s stopping her?

Maybe the possibility of displeasing Andy, a bit. But, Nile thinks as she dials, they’re leaving tomorrow aren’t they? If she’s going to do it, at least she’s picking the least inconvenient time for it.

“N─yes?” Mom’s sleepy voice mumbles into the phone, better at the incognito game than she was when it all started two years ago. “Who is it?”

“It’s me,” Nile says, and smiles at her mother’s joyful, wordless exclamation. “Am I waking you up?”

“Nevermind that,” mom chides, “nevermind that! How are you? Where─well no, you can’t tell me where you are, but how are you?”

“Better now,” Nile says in a sigh, warmth and bittersweetness spreading in her chest as she leans back against the wall, finger still tracing circles on Bâtard’s head. “I mean. I miss you, but at least I get to hear you now.”

“Oh, I miss you too baby,” Mom says, tears audible in her voice, “but I’m so glad you called! Don’t tell your brother, but it’s definitely my favorite present this year!”

Nile smiles again, a little wobblier than she’d like, maybe, but not forced. This isn’t ideal and she wants more, but it’s better than not calling the way she’d planned to do. At her feet, in the dim silvery light of the moon, Bâtard looks just a little smug.

“Not a word,” Nile promises, knowing her mother is going to share the news herself anyway. “How was your day?”

“Oh it was nice! You know how I told Marjory down the street I felt ready to celebrate a little more this year now I got used to you being dead and all, so she treated me to lunch at that new Italian on the corner─you tell your Nuncio he was right, by the way, osso bucco is delicious. And then we went for a stroll in the park, and I was a little worried, because I’m still supposed to be grieving, but you’re alive and I wasn’t sure I’d look suitably emotional when we passed your favorite spots, but I do miss you so it really wasn’t that hard and all in all it was nice and Marjory’s none the wiser so I’m calling it a success.”

“I’m sorry,” Nile says, unsurprised when Mom tuts at her in response. “I know, I know. I still wish you didn’t have to lie to her.”

“Nile, baby, if Marjory knew, she’d understand. Now you stop worrying about her and tell me what your day was like.”

“It was alright,” Nile says, rolling her neck as the tension slowly seeps out of it, the breaths coming slower and easier now that she’s actually doing what she’s wanted to do all day. “I missed you. Jaamal taught me how to draw a dog, though, and then Antaram kicked my butt in training again.”

“Just you wait a few years,” Mom says with a chuckle, “then you can take advantage of her age.”

Nile snorts, even though she seriously doubts Andy will let an aging body get in the way of remaining the best fighter of the group. She might look past forty─although she doesn’t remember how long she’d lived before she died the first time─but she’s also been fighting since before horses were domesticated (or near enough), and all that expertise doesn’t just go away.

It’s still an amusing thought, though, so Nile chuckles along with her mother for a bit before continuing.

“It’s not that bad. I’m learning a lot.”

“Of course, of course! I’m just saying.”

“Of course,” Nile repeats, still smiling. “Anyway, that’s about it. Nuncio made us tagine, Jaamal made fun of him because apparently he cooks like a christian─I’m pretty sure that’s an inside joke. And then I was feeling a little down so Blàsi lent me Bâtard, and now I’m here.”

“Is Bâtard Franklin’s name?” Mom suggests when she hears Nile hiss at her slip up.

“Yes, but I don’t think he deserves it,” Nile says, grateful for her mother’s help. “I think we’re bonding. Either that or he just wants me for my fruit.” Mom chuckles. “He’s wearing a doctor’s outfit right now, by the way. I think it’s one of the homemade ones.”

It looks lumpier than the ones Bâtard wore at the beginning, at any rate, but in a way that makes it even cuter. Not that she needs the cozies to find Bâtard cute anymore. It’s entirely possible the tortoise doesn’t care one whit about her─she really doesn’t know a lot about them─but it’s clear that this little late night conversation was enough for Nile to bond with him.

“Oh, well, send me a picture if you can,” Mom says with the tone of a connoisseur readying to look at a newbie’s attempt, “see if I can give Blàsi some pointers.”

“I’ll try my best, but you know I can’t make promises,” Nile says, sadness creeping up again. “Places to see, things to do...you know how it is.”

“Speaking of,” Mom asks, “what time is it where you are? I mean─you can telle me that, right?”

“I can,” Nile says, smiling at her mother’s effort. “It’s uh...almost one AM.”

Nile yawns, unbidden, and then sighs.

“I think I need to go.”

“Yes you do,” Mom chides, teasing and firm all at once. “You’re not going to accomplish anything if you’re dead on your feet─off to bed, Nile.”

“I don’t want to,” Nile protests, not trying very hard to keep the pout out of her voice. “It’s your birthday.”

“It’s okay,” Mom says, and the tone of her voice is like a hug Nile wants to linger in forever. “I understand. I’m just glad you called.”

“I’m glad too,” Nile says, wiping at a stray tear on her cheek. “Happy birthday, mom.”

“I love you, baby,” Mom says, and Nile grins through a fresh wave of tears.

“Forever and ever?”

“Of course forever,” Mom promises with something like an amused eye roll in her tone. “Now go to sleep.”

“Yes mom. Bye.”

“Bye bye, love you.”

“Love you too,” Nile says, and then she reluctantly disconnects the call.

She’s still feeling blue, it’s true, but it’s a different sort of ache now, the sort that’s softened enough to be a fond remembrance of someone you love rather than a knife to the heart. It isn’t something Nile has figured out how to value yet, but it could be, someday, maybe. With a watery sigh and a smile, Nile bends to pick Bâtard up─he’s fallen asleep, it seems, all snuggled up in his shell and entirely unresponsive in the time it takes for her to scribble a quick thanks at the bottom of Booker’s note and bring Bâtard back to his terrarium in the old parlor.

“M’ci,” Booker mutters from the seat to her left, and Nile almost has a heart attack.

When she turns to scold Booker for it, however, he’s already back to sleep─or feigning sleep, she’s not entirely sure─his back to the door to the bedroom and turned towards the only unboarded window, which they’ve been using as an entry and exit point. Nile sighs, shaking her head, and goes to the room she shares with the others, only to jump again when she lies down on her mattress and finds herself face to face with Andy’s eyes shining in the moonlight.

“I fear the day my sleep patterns start matching yours,” Nile whispers to Andy, and sighs when all that garners her is a sharp smile. “How are you not dead on your feet?”

“I’m old enough to transcend the need for sleep.”

Nile punches her in the shoulder.

“Feeling any better?”

“Yes, actually,” Nile says, trying to shift into a comfortable position. “I talked to my mother...it’s always too short but. It’s good.”

“Good,” Andy says. There’s a pause, and then she adds, “Nile, I’m sorry.”

Nile blinks at the darkness. It’s been seven years, and while she knows full well Andy is perfectly capable of recognizing her shortcomings, it’s the first time Nile hears her actually apologize for anything. She’s got a right to be a little startled, she thinks.

“I was with Book on this,” Andy explains when the silence between them has stretched a little while longer. “Not seeing your family again, I mean. I didn’t think it could turn out well, either...sure didn’t do him any good. Or Lykon, for that matter.”

“To be fair,” Nile admits after a beat, “I get it. I’m probably just very lucky. And I...I’ll lose them anyway. Sooner or later. I don’t─I’m glad I still have them for a bit, even if it hurts but...sometimes, I think at least the clean break was...easier.”

Andy stays quiet at that, eyes still looking at Nile in the darkness. Nile resists the urge to squirm under those eyes, but she’s not surprised when the urge to elaborate becomes too strong:

“It’s just...before my mom saw us, I didn’t have to wonder how this was affecting everyone. No contact, stay out of Chicago for another fifty years, maybe a little more, and that was it. It hurt, but at least the path was clear. Now I keep wanting to call her not knowing if I should. I have to use fake names to tell her about the most important people in my life, who she’ll never meet─I’m making her lie to her best friend!”

On the other side of the room, Nicky snorts in his sleep, and Nile smiles through her anguish as it morphs into a soft snore.

“They’ve been friends since elementary school, you know,” Nile tells Andy when she’s sure Nicky isn’t waking up. “They tell each other everything, and now my mom has to lie to her because of me. I don’t know how she can bear it.”

She pauses, breathing through the sudden tightness in her throat, and concludes:

“I don’t know how long she’ll bear it.”

Andy hums.

“I don’t have any advice for you Nile,” she says eventually. “I don’t really remember how that went for me, it’s been too long. But...even now, sometimes I─it’s hard, living without your family. Even at my age.”

“I...I didn’t know you felt like that,” Nile admits. “I thought you’d grown past that.”

“I don’t think we’re meant to,” Andy says. “I can’t remember what my parents looked like, or what it was like to be a child...but I do know what it’s like to want someone else to take care of your shit for a while.”

Nile grins, surprised into a light laughter that’s almost a giggle. Sometimes it’s easy to forget Andy is as human as any of them, even if she’s the oldest person on Earth. Discovering moments of relatability is always a delight and a relief all at once.

“I know we’re not your mom or your family,” Andy says after a while, the smile fading from her voice as she grows more serious, “and we’re not trying to be. But you’re─I won’t get angry if we’re not enough. You don’t have to...to hide it from me. You don’t have to stay alone and just...assume. There’s been too much of that lately.”

Nile can’t see Andy’s face in the darkness, not when her eyes aren’t angled to catch the moonlight, but it’s not hard to guess where she’s looking. In the doorway, Nile can see the outline of Booker’s seat, one hand dangling over the armrest─bottle free for the second night in a row, though there’s still an empty glass nearby on the floor.

“What I mean,” Andy says, startling Nile again, “is that you don’t have to be ashamed if we’re not what you want or need. The fact that you value your family isn’t a weakness, or a flaw. Just because we’ve─just because most of us grew out of it doesn’t mean you’re wrong for still needing more time, especially when it’s so recent. This...I didn’t tell him that, and I should have, so now I’m telling you. Not to protect us, but because it’s true.”

“Thanks, Andy,” Nile says.

“Sure. Now go to sleep,” Andy orders fondly.

Nile snorts, gives Andy a light punch in the shoulder, and turns over to go to sleep.

#The Old Guard #Nile Freeman #TOG Fic #NileFreemanWeek2020 #Fanfiction #Bâtard the tortoise #s: Bâtard verse

[cosmomoore]

The pain in the left part of my chest has started back... It used to come and go, but it has stayed steady for the last 14 hours or so.

My doctor thought my prior chest pain was stress related, so I wonder if this is too and if so, does it have to do with my mom? 😔

I have a much needed therapist appointment Friday. We dialed them back to once every four weeks, but with the stuff I have been dealing with with my mom, it looks like I'm going to have to increase them again.

My mom says she has changed for the better and has set another doctor's appointment for next Thursday (that I'm taking another day off of work to take her to). I've also convinced her to let me come the following Sunday for Mother's Day so I won't have to make so many trips down there (I'll already be down there that Saturday for my dad's gf's retirement.)

So I'll literally go down and come back on Thursday, then go back down on Saturday, and then come home Sunday.

I'm also getting my second vaccine dose next Wednesday and then allergy shots Friday and I hope like hell I don't have any negative side effects because I'm going to be so exhausted from just driving and being with my mom so much... This past Sunday I got home around 7pm and I just couldn't muster up the energy to get anything done.

So yeah, that is probably what is causing my chest pain. I'm already dreading next week...

I'm going to be honest and feel free to judge me, but after a year of trying to help my mom as much as I can making at least one trip (or more) down a month (during covid, no less), begging and pleading with her to make doctor's appointments two weeks out so I can take her to them, trying to keep her apartment clean with her fighting me every single time, I'm tired of dealing with her and getting so worn out. I am starting to feel like I'm being taken advantage of and I'm starting to feel a little hopeless because I don't know how to get out of this cycle.

#my glamourous life #mom stuff

[haikyuu-fics-and-aus]

How Haikyuu Characters Go Trick or Treating (Karasuno Version)

I’m sorry I couldn’t fit everyone in!! But I will be posting all the teams over the next few days. ~ Kai

(Askbox is always open if you would like to request something!!)

Hinata Shouyou:

Drags all the first years to go trick or treating with him.

Matching costumes with Natsu

“Come on kagayama just put on the cow costume!!!”

He will be chased around by Tsukishima in a ghost costume.

Pretends he is braver than he actually is and watches a “scary movie” (AKA jurassic park) and cries the whole time, his sister will probably end up comforting him later.

He ends up eating about half his candy in the first hour and will save the rest for “breakfast”

Tobio Kageyama:

“I am not going to put on that stupid costume”

Gets dragged out anyways by Hinata

Bullies Hinata into watching an actual scary movie but stops 10 minutes in when he wouldn’t stop crying.

“What do you mean milk isn’t a halloween drink? Do you want me to dye it orange or something?”

Kageyama secretly loves the halloween season but he would never tell Hinata that.

Tsukishima Kei:

Believe it or not, halloween is his favorite time of year

He went as slender man last year and stood in the bushes to scare the neighborhood kids.

“Tsukki, you cant keep scaring toddlers...”

He went trick or treating with the first years for the sole purpose to scare Hinata (and Tadashi asked him too.)

“I’ll trade you all the sweet tarts for you snickers”

He hid in Hinata’s closet after he went to bed and walked out carrying a butcher knife. (kageyama recorded the whole thing)

Yamaguchi Tadashi:

Hides behind Tsukishima to make sure he doesn’t get jumpscared by the second years

He was one of the only people in their class who dressed up for halloween but Tsukishima joins to so he doesn’t feel left out.

It may be surprising but he is a huge fan of horror movies, the gorier the better.

He makes his costume by hand, took him about 2 months.

“You can’t eat all your candy in one night, you’ll get sick.”

“watch me”

Yamaguchi spends the whole night sorting his candy by flavor while watching all the Purge movies.

Tanaka Ryuunosuke:

“Come on! Trick or treating is for babies we gotta do the fun stuff!!”

Tanaka thinks halloween is more about the “trick” than treat. He spend the past 4 months coming up with the plan of pranks for the most beautiful 24 hours of his life.

His whole halloween costume consists of a white sheet with two slits for the eyes.

“How much did those eggs cost?”

“I don’t know, about as much as my life savings”

Tanaka didn’t even make it until midnight before the cops showed up and took him home.

“Don’t tell my mom!!”

Nishinoya Yuu:

CANDY CANDY CANDY CANDY

“Put your hands up! This is a candy robbery!”

“You can’t say that at every house Noya...”

Nishinoya put in a slight bit more effort in than Tanaka but barley. His costume consisted of a pair of cat ears and some vampire teeth.

He tagged along with the first years before he joined Tanaka in his pranks.

“Don’t let Ennoshita know, he’ll tell Daichi”

He spent the rest of the night in a jail cell with his friend before he had Daichi bail him out, but it was worth it.

Asahi Azumane:

Asahi is incredibly terrified by halloween, he spent the first hour passing out candy before a young kid got scared by his face so he went and cried in the bathroom

“I promise you have a beautiful face Asahi!!!”

He couldn’t even go outside and walk his dog in all of october because of his neighbors incredibly...lifelike skeletons.

He spent the bulk of the month getting pumpkin spice flavored things and going to orchards.

“Let's watch The Great Pumpkin and eat popcorn!”

He left the passing out candy job to Daichi as he forced Suga to carve pumpkins and watch movies with him.

Sugawara Koushi:

Suga wasn’t a big dresser upper for Halloween but he puts on a cute cat face for the kids going to his door.

All the third years go over to his house for a “big party” maybe a few drinks here and there but nothing to get them drunk

Suga is very try hard when it comes to decorations. He has blow up decorations, skeletons (which scary Asahi a great deal), and animatronics. He was the hottest house on the block.

He buys an extra bag of goodies for kids with allergies because he thinks everyone should be involved in the holidays

He rarely gives out small candies, Suga goes to the dollar store and buys as many boxes of full size candy bars as his wallet will allow.

“Time to make pumpkin cookies!!!”

Daichi Sawamura:

Daichi doesn’t really care about halloween but he will celebrate it

He has been wearing the same costume since his second year of middle school but his friends have been trying to convince him to buy another one.

Daichi is the one who brings the drinks to the third year party because he was the only one who could pull of being of age.

Spends most the night watching movies when he isn’t passing out candy.

“We should do couples costumes next year!!”

His night always ends the same way... a phone call from the police station.

“I didn’t know it was illegal to throw eggs at peoples windows!”

“You better be paying for a new windshield for Mr. Ukai”

#haikyuu!! #haikyu #haikyuu #haikyū!! #Karasuno #halloween #halloween headcanons #hinata #Hinata Shōyō #hinata shoyuo #tobio #tobio hq #kageyama #Tsukishima #tsukki #yamaguchi #tanaka #tanaka ryuunosuke #Nishinoya Yuu #sugawara #sugawara koushi #suga #daichi #daichi headcanon

[d00m-d4ys]

The Old Guard, may contain traces of the Good Place.

Disclaimer: I’ve only seen seasons 1-3 of The Good Place and I remember next to nothing about the minutia, but who cares! I’ve also only seen the movie, not the comics.

This is hopefully going to be a series, but I haven’t finished it yet so have the first installment featuring our favourite art geek Nile!

Update: Part 2 is now up!

-

Nile’s death is nothing like she wanted it to be, when the maudlin mood struck and she would think on how she wanted to die.

It is slow, it is terrifying, and worst of all: she’s awake for most of it. She always wanted to go in her sleep, or baring that with her family. Not here, miles and timezones away from her mom.

The room she wakes up in is the perfect temperature, and the walls are a soothing shade of eggshell. In green, painted in a pleasant font on the wall:

Welcome! Everything is fine.

That’s comforting. No, that sounds sarcastic, Mom hates it when I sound sarcastic.

Nile scrubs her palms over her thighs, too keyed up to sit around and stare at a wall even if it’s trying to be nice. There’s one door, three ferns of varying health. The couch is that kind of fabric that pills way too easily, though it does look nice with the room’s palette. She’s grateful for the distraction in wondering why every waiting room has the same furniture, or why everyone loves orchids so much.

A blond woman opens the door, and for some reason Nile thinks she might be from Arizona, though nothing about her conclusively proves the theory.

“Nile? I’m the architect, Eleanor. Come on in.”

The office is nice, with a portrait of a white guy on the wall, and Nile realizes that she’s not wearing her fatigues, but a pair of jeans and a blue hoodie that she distinctly remembers living in the back of her closet at home. “I’m dead, aren’t I?”

Eleanor looks surprised, and then suspicious. “Usually we have to tell people that,” she says, standing up. “What’s going on?”

Nile leans back in her seat as Eleanor rounds the table, wondering whether her training will transfer to the afterlife. “What makes you think I know?”

“Oh, don’t worry, Eleanor! This happens sometimes.” The voice comes from behind her, and she jumps.

“Mother-“ She twists in her seat, tensed for a confrontation. The man is tall, older, and sharply dressed, white-haired with a stylish set of glasses. “Please don’t do that. Wait, what?”

“Yeah, clear this up for me, Michael, I wasn’t expecting this curveball.” Eleanor sits on the edge of the desk, arms crossed and lips pursed.

Michael’s laugh sounds endearingly embarrassed. “We haven’t had one for over two hundred years, is the thing— you should have seen the last guy: he was French, and you know all the French are tortured with over-seasoning their food and forcing them to—“

“Get to it, boss man.”

“Anyways, Nile here is an immortal.”

“Excuse me?”

“She’s not gonna stick around. Whenever she dies, she’ll show up here, like a mortal, but eventually she’ll go back to her body and revive herself.” Michael smiles at her like he hasn’t just dropped a bombshell of epic magnitude.

Nile’s head hurts, and there’s a halo growing in her left eye. “Son of a bench.” Her mouth wants to say bitch, but the syllables rearrange themselves in her mouth. “Why can’t I say bench?”

“It’s a terrible system. Guess it’s not your problem, so lucky you!”

-

Nile doesn’t remember the strange in-betweens until after she accidentally asphyxiates on the kitchen floor of their safehouse, calmly accepting that her rice will probably burn before she wakes up. She was looking forward to that rice.

When she does resurface, throat clear and suited to breathing normally, Nicky is busy rescuing her food.

“What was it this time?” How dare he sound so amused. Like he hasn’t died of a stupid reason before.

“You say that like I do it on purpose.” She’s rather grumpy that peanut butter is still enough to do her in. “Who’s Eleanor?”

“Oh, you see her too? Joe’s convinced that the communion wine has rotted my brain.” He turns off the element and turns around, still stirring the rice, tilting his head the way he does when he wants to compare notes. “I don’t know, is the short answer. She’s new, I think.”

“She called herself the Architect, whatever that means.” Nile sits up and glares some more at the peanut butter. Eleanor had been to-the-point this time, running through the script and waving goodbye as she returned to her body.

“Then I suppose she’s the Architect. It’s not our time to know exactly what that means.” He glances at where she’s directing her ire. “Ah. Allergies don’t clear up, I’m afraid. Joe’s of the opinion that ice cream is worth suffering for, though.”

She stands with a groan, dusting off her jeans. “Do we have any Reese’s Pieces?”

#the old guard #the good place #fanfiction #my work #ok to rb #nile freeman #nicolo di genova #nicky #rice??? in a saucepan??? yes #im canadian and rice cookers are expensive #how fast can you die of an allergy? fast enough for my purposes #tog #fanfic #tgp #a tedious experiment in present tense #feedback is welcome and appreciated #please tell me what you think! #brief edit: changed the bit at the end but the overall tone remains

[letmetellyouaboutmyfeels]

genuinely curious - i have a terrible memory - what are some of the terrible things shannon did to chris? besides i mean. abandoning him. (not trying to defend her i really just can't remember anything ever)

No worries, dear nonny! This got long so it’s under a cut.

The number one thing for me is her abandonment of him. Whatever problems you’re having in your marriage are valid, but you do not just up and leave your child with nothing but a sarcastic note to your spouse. She didn’t contact Christopher even once over the next three years.

It would have been super easy for her to say, “My mom has cancer, Eddie, and I think you and I need a break from our marriage. I need to go and help my mom. Let’s set something up so I can still see Christopher.”

While Eddie was on tour they did video calls and he sent cards. Shannon did none of those things. Eddie’s shocked to see her, he says it’s a problem to contact her for the school, and Shannon asks, “Does he ask about me?” regarding her son. The first thing we learn about Shannon is Eddie saying to Buck, “His mom’s not in the picture.” All of that means Shannon has no contact with Christopher.

EDIT: My friend re-watched the scene and Eddie says “His mom’s not in the picture. I’m all he’s got.” This not only implies that Shannon has no contact with Christopher but that she can’t even be fucking trusted to care for her son if Eddie dies.

WHAT!?!?!?

Then, in 3x15, we learn that Shannon was claiming she had no support with Chris and was doing everything on her own - when we get clear contradictions to that. Eddie’s parents are right there, helping her. They’re literally right outside in the scene where she says this. And they later say “we have been there every single day from the time he was born.” Shannon had help from her in-laws this entire time and she wants to claim she was doing this all by herself? That it was too hard?

Now, Eddie’s parents clearly had reservations about Shannon just as a person, and I’m sure Shannon picked up on that. Her comment about understanding the feeling about not being able to do anything right after Eddie’s mom chastises him suggests that she got a lot of lecturing and flack from her in-laws and could never parent Christopher good enough in their eyes (and that has nothing to do with Christopher’s disability, I suspect no matter how able her child was, his parents would do this). But saying “your parents criticize me a lot” is very different from “I have no support system.” Christopher’s grandparents are literally there every day! Helping her! She’s not doing this alone!

And again to just LEAVE WITH A NOTE AND NO WARNING AND--*screams into a pillow*

THE RAAAAAAGE

Also - and okay I’m going to be honest, I think this is something that most people didn’t pick up on, because it’s not something most able people will pick up on, just like as a white person I might not always pick up on instances of racial prejudice - but Shannon’s speech in the school parking lot to Eddie was hugely ableist.

She’s doing the classic “Martyr Mother” thing where she talks about how hard it was to be the mom of a disabled child and how guilty she feels and how it’s all her fault... shut the everloving FUCK up, Shannon, nobody fucking CARES.

When you have a kid, you sign up to be a parent to that child no matter what. Whether that child is autistic, deaf, blind, has CP, allergies, is gay, trans, what the hell ever. If you didn’t want to deal with that possibility then you shouldn’t have had a kid. You want to take care of something where you can pick out all the traits ahead of time and then train them to be exactly the kind of creature you want them to be?

Get a fucking dog.

You can pick out the breed, noting the breed’s energy levels, lifespan, typical health issues, temperament, etc. You can choose the one that looks cutest. You can train them in puppy school so that they sit, stay, shake paws, roll over, and bark on command. And they will never argue with you or decide they want to be in a punk metal band instead of becoming a doctor. They will just love you and cuddle you and look adorable for the rest of their lives.

Ta-fucking-da.

If you have a kid and then after five years you decide that your issues with your husband are more important than finding a way to be with your child, then you’re a fucking piss-poor parent. Fuck you, and don’t let the door hit you on your way out. Leaving Eddie did NOT equate to leaving Christopher. And she left Christopher.

Having a kid with CP does not set you up to be a martyr, you do not get to mope about how it’s all your fault, and you do not get to let your guilt that you’ve conjured up in your head be more important than your actual goddamn child. The show hasn’t gotten hugely into it but I will bet you money (which I cannot afford) that Christopher knows he’s a part of the reason his mom left and he feels like shit about it.

Christopher is a smart, highly sensitive child who picks up easily on how others are feeling. That same sensitivity that enables him to be so kind and understanding also means he picks up on negative emotions. Kids are fucking perceptive. There is no way in Hell that he didn’t know something was up with his mom before she left, and there’s no way he didn’t know it was partially about him.

And then afterwards - in 3x15 Christopher tells Eddie that his grandparents yell at him a lot. How much has he overheard? His grandparents don’t like Shannon so even if Eddie lied and said “no no Mom’s coming back she just had to go take care of her mom for a while,” that lie’s not gonna last long and you bet Eddie’s parents have ZERO interest in maintaining that lie to protect Shannon. I’m sure Christopher picked up on a lot of sarcastic, passive-aggressive remarks and I’m sure he overheard a lot of fights.

Now, that’s not directly Shannon’s fault in the sense that she didn’t say those things. But what the hell are Eddie and his parents supposed to say to Christopher? What could they possibly tell him? His mother left out of the blue and never talks to him.

In act, Shannon wrote a letter, one that she almost sent, basically telling Christopher ‘goodbye forever’. And she kept that letter in case she decided she did want to send it.

Even after she comes back into his life, Shannon’s behavior is very... well. I’m not convinced. She says she want to be in Christopher’s life, but how? For one thing, she can’t seem to separate her issues with Eddie from her relationship with Christopher. It reminds me of in the film Clueless how the dad says, “You divorce a spouse, not the kids.” I think Shannon should’ve watched that movie a few more times.

Shannon never makes any steps to firmly be in Christopher’s life. She says she wants to see him, and then we see a bit of her hanging out with him and Eddie, but once she can see him and spend some fun time with him, we never see her discuss custody, or living arrangements, or anything. Now part of this might be it’s an ensemble TV show and we only have so much time, but come on. I see no signs of her being serious and taking practical steps to ensure she is a parent to Chris.

And THEN she says she wants a divorce and she says she “needs to learn how to be a mom.”

MA’AM???

She was a mom to Christopher for five years, and what, you still want fucking practice or something? Being a parent is a constant battle with your own imperfections and failures. As Eddie tells Buck after the tsunami, “I fail that kid every day, but I keep trying.” That’s parenting. You’re gonna fall off the horse a lot but you keep getting back on.

Shannon strikes me as someone who wants to be the ‘perfect’ mom and be on top of it and have it all together, and that’s never going to happen. Given her little speech about Christopher’s CP and how hard it is and how guilty she feels about ‘giving’ it to him, I think my instinct has merit.

Now, it’s iffy on if Shannon was going to leave Christopher again when she asks for the divorce. Eddie sure seems to think that’s what it means. But Shannon’s words and behavior leave no clear ground. Once again we have zero clue what her actual practical intentions are with her son. And she says that whole thing about the letter and then says, “I want to never have to send that letter.”

WHAT?

You rip that letter up, ma’am, you don’t have it in reserve! It’s like the difference between saying, “I won’t hurt you” and “I don’t want to hurt you.” One implies that you won’t hurt the person, the other implies that you don’t want to, but you might. Saying she hopes to “never have to send it” and keeping that letter both imply that she might in the future actually give Christopher that letter and leave again.

Maybe this is some bad writing. Maybe the writers were trying to say that she wouldn’t leave Christopher. I don’t know. But I do know what’s on my screen and in the episodes and I do not see Shannon actually apologizing to Christopher, doing the work of a mom, saying that she will never leave him again, making up for what she did to him. Newsflash! Appearing at Christmas and going to the beach with your kid does not make up for leaving him for three years with no explanation! You gotta earn that trust back and for me, Shannon didn’t earn it.

Never ever EVER does Shannon say, “I want to be in my son’s life as his mother and I will be here and I am not leaving again.” Her language is ambiguous and self-martyring. She can’t seem to separate her relationship with Eddie from her relationship with Christopher also I feel like the divorce thing comes out of nowhere but whatever. She never seems to fully come to terms with or admit what she did to her son and how she left him. You can walk out on a marriage. Fine. But you don’t walk out on your kid. And that’s exactly what she did.

And then threw some fun ableism onto it for good measure! And never fully committed to Christopher! She gave it a weird trial period where she got to come back and do some fun activities with him and then she gave a speech where she’s definitely divorcing his father but might? or might not? be leaving him again? we don’t know? Maybe she’s saying she won’t leave now but she might leave later if it gets too hard again?

Shannon abandoned her child and then showed her ableism and self-centered mindset and did nothing (or not nearly enough) to make up for it. And I really cannot forgive her for that.

#mads answers things #mads rants

[jamaisvuandyou]

Please Dry My Eyes: Part 1

Description: Jin, Hoseok, and Yoongi have had a running streak of bad luck, but Jin isn't sure what to make of this one: His old friend's trickery that leads to him being the new father of a little toddler, Jeon Jungkook.

Originally Posted: 05/17/2020

Angst: 2,068 words

A/N: First part! As if I didn’t have enough on my plate.

Next Part.

Jin groaned softly, then carefully rolled out of bed so that he wouldn’t wake the other two that were sleeping in his bed. It wasn’t that they enjoyed sharing a room and a bed, but it was all they could afford so they all put up with it.

He went out and looked through the mail he hadn’t had time to look through the day before, noting that the water bill was pretty high. He sighed and rubbed his face, going to make himself some coffee, only to realize that there was only enough for two cups and Yoongi would need both just to wake up enough to get to work.

He got it brewing for the younger, looking through their cupboards to see if he could at least find some tea, but it was his unlucky day. The only tea left was Hoseok’s.

He put the kettle on the stove, then went and dressed for his own day at work before shaking the men awake. “Come on, I put the kettle on and got the coffee brewing. We need to get groceries.”

“Can’t hyung, need to get new shoes. Even the duct tape is falling apart.” Hoseok yawned, and leaned against Jin. “I don’t think I can even afford the shoes. They cut my hours. Again.”

“You should start looking for another job,” Yoongi muttered, trying to hide under the covers, only for them to be ripped away by the oldest.

Hoseok drooped. “I’ve been filling out applications, but it’s like no one is hiring. I’m trying, but…”

“Hey, it’s okay. We know you are. I’ll keep an eye out for places that are hiring,” Jin told him, staving off an early morning anxiety attack and giving Yoongi a glare.

Yoongi winced. “Sorry, Hobi, I’m not awake yet.”

He just nodded, getting up with Jin. “Wait, why is the kettle on?”

“So you can have some tea before work. There’s only enough coffee for Yoongi’s wake-up call. Which is why we need to get groceries so that he won’t be a zombie tomorrow.”

“Did you get some, hyung?” Yoongi asked, looking up blearily.

“I can manage without. You only have an hour until work, get moving.” Jin got up and got his shoes on. “Hobi, make sure he gets out the door on time?”

“Yeah, good luck at work today. Hope you get the promotion.”

“Hyung, I get paid today. I can pitch in for some groceries. Here, I’ll replace it when I deposit my check.” Yoongi scrambled to get the bit of cash he had in his wallet. It wasn’t much and he looked upset at the small amount. “I thought I had more. I’ll get you some extra—”

“Don’t worry about it Yoongi. Keep the extra for your coffee. I know you need it to get through the day.”

Yoongi nodded, but still looked like he felt guilty as he left the room.

Hoseok looked up at him, opening his mouth and then closing it.

Jin put some of the money Yoongi had given him in his hand. “For your dinner. I know you’re going to be home late. I’ll look at the prices of shoes so we can work that into a budget. Take my sneakers for today. I know they’re the wrong size, but at least they won’t fall apart while you’re wearing them. Now I need to get to work. Drink your tea, take deep breaths. It’ll be okay.”

——————

He had lied.

Dear God had he lied. His day went from bad to worse until he was at the store, getting groceries with what little money he had. Aside from his severance pay, it would be his last paycheck and he had to stretch it.

“What do you mean you have a kid and you need me to take care of him?”

“I can’t right now, and his mom is dead. If you don’t take him, he’s going to his grandparents on her side and they’re drunks. Have been drunks. I have custody of him, but I already told his worker that I’m headed out of the country for a semester abroad. I can give you some money to care for him and when you need more, I’ll send it. Please, Seokjin-ah. It’s just for three months.”

“How old is he?”

“He’s almost one and a half.”

Jin was quiet for a moment, putting sneakers that were Hobi’s size into the cart. “I can’t support him. I got fired earlier today.”

“I’ll give you the money to support him. You know I have it. I’ll set up monthly installments so that you can take care of him. Wait, I thought you were up for a promotion?”

“I was. She didn’t like that I rejected her advances. I’d sue, but she convinced the CEOs that she’s a victim and there’s no evidence for either side.” He sighed. “I don’t know. You’ve seen my apartment.”

“Consider it a job, then. You’re a full-time nanny to my kid. Please, I’m begging you.”

Jin sighed. “Fine. I’ll do it. But only because I need the money and because you’re right. He can’t go to his grandparents. What’s his name and when are you dropping him off?”

“I’m not dropping him off. You guys move into my place. That way you won’t get in trouble for having him in a place like your apartment. If you feel bad, you guys can pay rent. Otherwise it’s just going to stay empty while I’m gone. I’ll let you guys stay after as well since I’m lined up to get that job when I get back and I’ll need a different place anyway. Same rent. I can get it put in an official contract. I also want to make sure you’re his legal guardian in my absence. That way there isn’t any trouble if he needs to see a doctor or something.”

“Fine. Should I meet you somewhere?”

“The law firm. I’ll have my coworker draw up the contract and the legal papers to give you custody in my absence. Jin? Thanks.”

“Hey, you’re doing me a favor too, you know.”

“I do know. That apartment was going to collapse on your heads. While I’m at it, I’ll draw up a contract for payment as well.”

“Alright, I’ll be by to sign it in an hour and a half.”

“Make it three? I need to finish something else before writing it up. Thanks again, Jin. I really owe you for this. I’ll repay you. You’ll love Jungkook. You were always good with kids.”

“I only worked at that daycare for four months, so no promises on how good I’ll do with him. He might get messed up.” Jin grabbed the cheapest bag of rice he could, then a bag of beans. “I mean, it’s good that he’s not a baby, because I have no idea how to take care of one of those and he could die but—”

“Jin, you’ll be fine. You’ll probably take better care of him than I can. I mean, let’s face it, you’re the responsible one of the two of us. I won’t have much time when you get here, so you trust me to write it all up?”

“Yeah, if you email me copies, I can look through them before I get there. See you in three hours.”

“Sure thing.”

“Oh, you never did tell me his name.”

“Jungkook. Jeon Jungkook. The social worker has him until tomorrow, but I’ll update him and he’ll bring Jungkook to the house tomorrow. I’ll be gone by then, but he’ll have the documentation and everything will be finalized by then. You just need to be at the house, by noon, preferably.”

“Yeah, I can do that. Hobi doesn’t work tomorrow so we can get into the house pretty quickly. You’re sure?”

“Positive. I’m staying in a hotel tonight, I’ll give you the key when you get here. Your account still the same?”

“Yeah. You’re su—”

“I’m certain. I’m sending you some money so you can get some supplies, I have more at the house. I’ve got to go. Talk to you later.”

“Bye.” Jin stared at his phone for a second, then checked his bank account. He shivered at the amount displayed as being added to his account just a minute later, and quickly looked up what toddlers couldn’t eat so he knew what to stay away from. He’d have to remember to ask about allergies. And he didn’t know how he was going to convince the other two that this was all okay. The contracts would probably help, but Yoongi was skeptical of everything and would think it was some sort of scam. Hoseok would just be confused about how he lost his job and then got a job in one day. And once he was done taking care of Jungkook, he’d have to find another job.

He put fruit in his cart for the first time in what must have been two months. He filled the cart up almost completely for the first time in five months. It couldn’t be a bad thing. It was perfect timing.

—————

“What?!” Yoongi asked, dropping his chopsticks and going for his phone after Jin had started filling him in on his day. “They fired you? How? Why?!”

Jin shook his head, nudging Yoongi’s phone out of his reach. “That’s not important. What is important is the temporary job I got.”

Yoongi blinked stupidly for a moment with his mouth hanging open. He dropped back into his chair, shaking his head. “Talk about whiplash: New job?”

“You remember my old roommate?”

Yoongi frowned, nodding. “The law-student.”

“I’m going to be taking care of his kid for the next three months while he’s on his semester abroad. Which means that I have to stay in his house because of the whole custody issue that had been going on the past couple of months, and he said that you and Hobi could live there too. Same rent as here, and we don’t have to move out when he gets back because he’s going to be getting a place near his new job when he returns. We can get out of here at no extra cost.”

Yoongi looked tempted. “What did you do for this guy? Give him a kidney? Or was it more—”

“Yoongi.”

“What’s the catch, Jin? Aside from taking care of some kid.”

“No catch. I take care of Jungkook, we stay in the house. I get paid for caring for him and money to take care of him. We drew up official contracts and lease agreements and I was appointed temporary legal guardian.” He pulled out the folder with the documents. “And yes, I did read them. He sent me digital copies and I read them before I got there.”

Yoongi seemed to ignore that last bit, the room falling quiet as he read through the housing contract, the work contract, and the documentation instating Jin as the legal guardian of Jungkook in the absence of and until the return of his father. His eyebrows kept coming closer together. “Wait, Jin, can I see what he sent you?”

Jin froze a moment before setting the email in front of Yoongi.

Yoongi’s face went slack after a few moments, eyes wide. “Jin, you better call him.”

“Why?”

“Because I think he just gave you everything he has.”

“What?”

“This says that you are the permanent legal guardian of his kid. This is basically adoption and this is signing over all of his assets to you in the case of his death. This is documentation showing how his property will be split between you and Jungkook after his death and everything is dated a week ago.” Yoongi held up one of the packets, pointing to the date. “Even by the signatures.”

Jin scrambled to call his friend, fear coursing through him. Why would he do this?

“Dude’s going to kill himself,” Yoongi said, alarmed.

The phone rang and rang.

Finally, someone answered. “Who is this?”

Jin paused. “Jin, who is this?”

“Officer Choi, can you identify who’s phone this is?”

Jin gulped down a dry heave. “He’s dead, isn’t he? Oh, God, I’m too late…”

“Sir, can you come down to the station?”

“Yeah, I’ll be there in half an hour,” Jin replied quietly, then told the officer his friend’s name.

Yoongi gripped his shoulder. “I’ll drive.”

--

Next Part.

Masterlist. 

#pleasedrymyeyes series #bts fic #bts #bts fanfic #kim seokjin #seokjin #jin #min yoongi #suga #yoongi #jung hoseok #hoseok #jhope #jungkook #jeon jungkook #adoption au #parent au #baby jungkook

[cloveroctobers]

HENRIK LILJENQUIST—

IG info/Bio: @/adventuresbyhenrik | 53.1k followers — “imma wild boi🌿🌏🧗 | happily taken👩‍❤️‍💋‍👨

23 (24) years old

Parents are both Swedish and only speak Swedish, leaving henrik to also become fluent

His father Halvi is a pilot

His mother Lova is a race car driver

Siblings? Probably a brother, named Jahan & younger by two or three years + they get along quite well

Born & raised in Isle of Wight, England + loves it there & thinks it’s the best place for him to live, it’s his own private island in his mind plus he’s always finding something to do. He stays active

Climbing & wilderness survival instructor, he gets to talk as much as he wants while also teaching people AND all while being active! Sounds like the perfect job for him

Probably developed ADHD around his pre-teen age, leaving his parents to find him something he enjoys + can slow down and focus on

used to be on meds for it

Was well-known in high school, probably in the yearbook club since he was able to run around & get to know people but was kinda shit at knowing the functions of a camera

His selfie game has gotten a lot better now but he mostly posts anything but his face. You’ll see more of his face on his stories & location shots on his feed

Feels his hair is his best physical feature & his prized possession, would never THINK about cutting it. Even just a trim is a bit much for him

Always tries to be positive but at the same time can be condescending since he sometimes won’t pick his words wisely ex.) when he gave MC a backhanded “compliment” about makeup, being active, + wanting them to “think of others ” feelings — just because someone is opposite from you doesn’t mean you have to shit on the way they carry themselves...that’s my issue with him

maybe he’s a Taurus?

Loves fall & spring, more so fall since that’s when the weather feels nicest to him plus allergy season is a REAL bitch

The guy’s real Adventurous & always managing to find something to do. If you’re ever bored just hit him up, he has plenty of recommendations 

Family owns a cottage & he’s the one who goes out there more than his own family does! “You should just sell it to me at this point!” He tells his parents over dinner often & it is strongly considered

Has five birds & a husky, when he goes on road trips they’re always with him. Which can get a little hectic at times but they’re his family, he’s a, “birdog dad”

BLAKE secretly dislikes them all, feeling like they take up space sometimes (especially when she wants to cuddle) but she deals with it since she cares for the guy — yes, they’re still dating

She’s been convincing him to cut a few inches off of his hair which he took like a slap in the face, “that’s like me asking you to quit speaking up for humans!” “No, no it’s not.”

They’re polar opposites with flaws which causes disagreements between the two of them by putting each other in their places but they learn to compromise? (*insert eartha Kitt gif laughing here*] if they want this to work

His mother seems to be the only one who dislikes blake (she strongly feels he should have bought MC back home...that’s right she watched the show from time to time. Not always since she doesn’t care for reality tv but her friends encouraged her to watch bits and pieces) while his dad and brother approve

It is tense when Blake and his mom are in the same room which makes Henrik sad since he believes Blake deserves a chance. He took a chance on her and it seems to be going pretty well so why couldn’t his mother just be happy for him like the rest of the family is?

Henrik loves his low-maintenance girls who are open to trying new things with him, Blake is usually down most of the time but she likes her personal space too..which henrik struggles to understand

He wants her to live with him, he’s sure his parents will let him have the cottage if Blake decides to live with him but Blake loves her freedom in Kingston

It’s hidden but I feel like he might be one of those guys that feels like “a woman should follow a man” since that’s what his father installed into his boys— which failed because his wife isn’t just a housewife, she has goals and went after them

I feel like Blake turns to social media almost always to post about her feelings (I can’t remember what I picked the first time around as my occupation but as I’m currently playing I picked human rights campaigner so) but it’s mostly subtle shade & it always goes recognized by fans which brings drama between her, mc x Bobby

Henrik jumps in because what kind of guy would he be if he didn’t have his gf’s back? Doesn’t care for the drama but he & Bobby usually said slick shit to each other in the villa, it’s safe to say they’re not really friends but they’re not enemies either that’s mostly between their gf/wife

Henrik doesn’t care enough about Bobby to dislike him but he won’t put up with his shit any longer and what easier way to do that than online? He feels like they can settle this with a phone call but Blake & MC aren’t with the shits and don’t want their men speaking to each other

Henrik & Bobby eventually have a chat in secret anyways

Henrik warns Blake that this can effect her job status if she doesn’t calm down since she uses social media for her cause

She usually knows when to stop but can’t help it if it slips out sometimes

They talk it out and move on usually with whatever fun idea henrik may have

Owns a ford bronco from the 90’s that used to be his uncle’s who builds tree houses for a living and is still running, a jeep gladitor, or some sort of pickup truck

Knows how to make the best apricot jam

All about saving the bees

Loves animals, probably on his journey to veganism if he’s not already there

We all know this fucking guy likes eating M0sS

“Embarrassing fact” but uh big fan of twilight, feels like Seth Clearwater and him are meant to be best buds but he also stans the Volturi 😷

Him and Lucas of course remained the best of mates, since they live 2 hrs away from each other and are always busy living their lives they always have to plan out when they can hangout but that fails 60% of the time when henrik pops up at Lucas’ job or at his flat not giving him a choice but to hang out

They’re always vacationing together too? Sure Henrik is his own version of low-key while Lucas likes a bit of luxury...they still find a balance to just have a good time regardless if they live different lifestyles...they’re basically married

Always texting if they’re not hanging out, henrik with his memes that Lucas doesn’t understand & Lucas just checking in on henrik’s well being which leads the conversation to many topics

He’s actually cool with Gary now? They like/comment on each other’s posts & even text here and there

Even ran into Rocco once on a road trip, that was interesting but when life gives you lemons...we’ll just say that

Even him and Ibrahim share recommendations through text or DM’s which is nice! Henrik is always down for friends even tho they’re not like his personal friends (except for Lucas, he fits into his criteria)

Most of his work is physical and talking but he goes the extra mile by hiking every Sunday either with his friends, Blake, or family — he’s genuinely likes being one with nature

If he’s at the cottage, he’s always outside, chopping extra wood, making sure the yard looks like it belongs on a magazine, or takes the boat out on lake to nap since he doesn’t like to fish as much anymore

Currently trying to grow strawberries but some animal keeps eating them :/

Adores adventure time, the x-files, bobs burgers + animal planet, and travel channels—like he’s a real dad

If he could shower outside everyday, he would, it’s such a freeing experience to him

His outings consist of being in the woods 24/7 so in his mind when he brings Blake out there with him, it’s a version of a date, whenever they spend time together is a date to him, which she has to remind him that she wants to do something different like getting dressed up every now and then + go out to dinner which he HATES but he’ll do his best to please her, as long as the restaurant is more earthy than snobby he’s okay

100% would survive the apocalypse, he knows how to make due with what he’s got, he’s always been that way

Enjoys rom-com’s so he’ll laugh at how cringe they are but still enjoy it, indie films, ALITA was the best film of 2019 to him & currently his fav film is, “the call of the wild” with Harrison Ford

His favorite films ever are Indiana Jones, Lara Coft: Tomb raider, Terminator, and I am legend

Aliens ARE real, they’re out there and he’ll be part of the reason they’ve been exposed

I feel like he wanted to be an astronaut growing up but then realized he’d be a confined space for long periods of time and said cancel that shit lol + he isn’t the greatest at science. History? He did real well in that subject

I think he loves Lorde, listens to Bon Iver—especially on early morning commutes to work, Rex Orange County, Omar Apollo, Joji, the nbhd, the driver era, kid cudi...yktfv

Celeb crushes?/types: The main girls from Charlie’s angels 2019, Alexa PenaVega... “you know Carmen from spy kids?” Diana silvers, Dove Cameron, JAMIE CHUNG, & VANESSA HUDGENS

Anthem = Wallows, “OK”

#litg #litg2 #litg s2 #litg henrik #litg au #litg headcanon #litg headcanons #litg Blake #litg Lucas #litg bobby #litg mc #edited cause I wasn’t aware the mans was actually Swedish oops

[maknaesdancersrappers]

july 21

hello. july 21 is a special day for me and you dont have to read this because its just me venting out my thoughts and emotions as long as i can without word/character limits on any platform.

july 21 is my maternal grandmother’s birthday. when i was born, my mom went abroad often and my dad had the regular 9 to 5 job plus extra hours for commute. so growing up with my sisters who are 5 and 7 years older, our grandparents and aunts took care of us.

im also more fond of my maternal grandmother since my paternal grandmother lived far away and we rarely ever get to see her (usually only during summers and once she stayed with us for awhile) until she passed away from Alzheimer's.

during the long hiatus i took early this year (late december to mid-march?), a lot has happened in my life. my health was put at risk because of the ash fall brought by the volcano eruption (january 12); i had allergies for weeks - i couldnt breathe properly, let alone sleep because of it. it was about to be the second year after graduating college and i have yet to get a job; the pressure from my family - and myself - was so unbearable that i caught myself slipping back to my very, very, very dark thoughts. and the worst thing that happened in those three months: my grandmother passed away. in filipino, grandmother is lola (loh-lah) and i’d like to use that for the rest of this post.

if you ask anyone in their neighborhood, any of our family friends, and relatives, everyone will tell you that her death was sudden. because everyone knows her as the sometimes-funny-sometimes-cranky old lady that owns the convenience store at the corner of the street. she was 96. she was 96 but she refused to get a wheelchair or use a walking stick even though her knees started to hurt after a few steps. she was 96 but didn’t need glasses to read most of the time. she was 96 but didn’t have any maintenance medication. ever since she reached her 90′s, she had gone to the town clinic at least twice because she fell over (from loss of balance) and busted her head. yet she would walk the next day like she doesnt have stitches on her scalp. she hated going to the doctor, she’d always claim that nothing hurts and the only thing she wanted the doctor to fix was her hearing (its as weak as how her eyesight is clear)

i wasnt the only one in the family that got severely affected by the ash fall. my lola also had trouble breathing because of it. she also went to the doctor for it and they only prescribed her antibiotics. please remember this info. this should be around early february

she got a little better but her voice was very hoarse from the phlegm. even before this, lola had little to no appetite and would only eat when someone else is eating (usually if it’s us, her granddaughters). and by little to no appetite, i mean her whole meal would be three spoonfuls of rice and one piece/chunk of whatever the main dish/ulam is. whenever we ask if she had eaten (even though we know she hadnt) she’d always claim that she already has (this eventually became a little joke in our family.) we took this sign as her dementia getting worse (although she was never really diagnosed with it, we had naturally assumed it because she would always repeatedly tell us stories that she insists happened even though some have been debunked and there were times she forgets our names if we havent visited in a while.)

after she gets better from the cough (idk the real diagnosis of it), her legs started to swell and because her routine had been reduced to being bedridden for most of the day, my aunts thought it was just poor circulation. it took two weeks before they brought her back to the town clinic and again, they just prescribed her with some medicine. everything after this is blurry to me until feb 21

my mom, being the eldest, made the decision to bring lola to the hospital. she’s, rightfully, unsatisfied with the town doctor’s diagnosis and prescriptions because lola is in so much pain and her legs were still swollen and its been weeks. i was with her in the emergency room while my mom and aunt did the paper work and the staff ran tests on lola. i’m contacting my sister who was in singapore and we’d video call to entertain lola since she was very adamant - and vocal - that she did not want to be admitted to the hospital bc she was “fine.” goSh she made so many hospital staff laugh because she would always announce whenever she had to fart. after like 2 hours, we move her into a ward and my mom tells me that i’ll have to stay overnight to watch over her. i was very apprehensive of this idea. i honestly did not want to. seeing her in pain was bad enough, but the fact we were in a room with other people and she was crying out loud made me really anxious but it was final. my mom, aunt, and uncle all went back home just to have dinner and they’ll come back since lola’s doctor would be coming by to give the results and for that hour they were gone? i lost it.

lola started talking/praying out loud, asking god why she was in so much pain, asking what she had done to deserve this; and i didn’t know what to do but hold her hand and kiss her head. i couldn’t even show her i was crying. when my mom got back, i told her i cant do it and she eventually convinced my other sister to join me, who cancelled her plans for the next day. that night, i did not and could not fall asleep. after a few hours, her doctor finally came by and dropped a bomb on us. he was kind enough to talk to my mom and aunt behind the curtains in the softest voice ever while i helped the nurse with lola, but i could hear him crystal clear.

cancer of the liver. 

they even momentarily walked back to lola to touch her stomach and stepped back out. i almost thought i misheard, but my mom and aunt’s expressions were too grim that it basically confirmed it. later on, my mom finally told me and explained that the antibiotics she had been taking weeks ago were too strong for her because of her lifestyle and diet. there were tumors in her liver and surgery wouldn’t do anything. i dont remember what i did aside from sketching on the journal i brought, but until i got home at 10am the next day, i did not sleep a wink.

feb 22. when i woke up at 2PM, i was told that they had lola discharged from the hospital. there was nothing we could do but try to ease the pain to the best of our abilities and wait. starting that day, i went over to lola’s house to help out with feeding her, giving her medicine, and just trying to keep her happy by randomly smiling at her when i see her looking around or dancing to no music.

feb 24. these were the early weeks of covid - ph hadn’t had a case yet, i believe, but travel restrictions were being implemented. my sister in singapore was doing everything to make sure she could come home because we don’t know when, but we know lola was leaving soon. of all the things our mom told her not to do, she cried at the entrance of the embassy and by the grace of god, someone took pity and listened to her (bc she was denied entry since she had a small cough) and she was able book a flight at midnight and be home in 4 hours. that afternoon, when i arrived at lola’s house, that was the very first time i stood at the doorway to greet her like i usually did and she didn’t smile. not even the corners of her lips moved. she was in that much pain that she couldn’t even greet me back like she always did, which was to smile and nod her head. that night, we all decided to sleepover there (with the exception of my dad since he had to feed our dogs at home). i take my usual seat in the living room and i notice a white dress that i remember (from photos) being lola’s 50th anniversary wedding gown and without being told, i know it was what she was going to wear for the very last time.

feb 25. being notoriously a late sleeper, i was about to go to sleep at 2AM when i hear lola groaning and whining out loud. when i checked her, her stubborn lil ass was trying to get out of bed alone!!! so i obviously panic and try to wake up anyone by exclaiming that lola had to go to the bathroom - she’s been wearing adult diapers for weeks now but refuses to go in them and is adamant about bringing her to the bathroom so she could relieve herself - so me, and the same aunt and uncle from the hospital, assisted her into this modified chair so she could pee and the only thing i could do was hold her hand, like always. after that, my uncle said he’d watch over her and lie down beside her on the bed so in case she needs to go again, he can take care of it himself. after falling asleep, i heard a few hours later that my sister from SG arrived. when i woke up later on, my sisters and i presented ourselves to lola bc its been so long since she last saw us complete, and this time she was able to give us a small nod of acknowledgement. i realized that none of my uncles and aunts went to work that day, thinking it was just so we could be complete since my sister was home. but then i overhear them making plans to have a priest come over for the sacrament of anointing of the sick - which based on my last and only experience (my grandfather/lolo), this must be the day. during the session, a few of my aunts and an uncle cried. my sisters cried, too, but i forced myself not to. when the priest left, i don’t know how long, but suddenly, she was gone. i didn’t know how to react. this was the second time i’ve seen someone pass away before my very eyes. everyone was crying out for forgiveness, kissing lola’s head, but i couldn’t move one bit. i was finally crying, but i couldn’t move at all.

3 days. from learning about the real problem with lola, it only took 3 days for it to take her away from us. not even a week, or a month. the only bright side to this was that she’s finally relieved of all the pain that’s been causing her suffering. 3 days of knowing her time was very, very short, but it was still a shock when she finally left. 

for the longest time, lola’s goal was to reach the age of 100 because apparently our government will reward her with 100,000 pesos (like 2k usd) for doing so. she wanted to reach 100 because she wanted to leave us with some inheritance haha. and everyone believed she could do it. no one doubted her. until this happened. maybe its just me, but i feel foolish... completely stupid and ignorant for knowing deep down in my heart that she would reach 100 that losing her 3 years prior her goal hurt me more than ever. 

it’s been 5 months but remembering her death still makes me cry. i have dreams (and you all know im a lucid dreamer) where she’s still alive and we’re talking about how she beat cancer at 96 in just a few months, but then i’ll remember that she didn’t and the dream in front of me just shatters and i’ll wake up empty and crying. i have never felt so much regret after she passed bc all she wanted was to see me graduate and it was up to me to show her that i got my first job and give her a portion of my first salary, but i couldn’t even do that. i waited too long and now its too late. her ideal type for me was a rich atenean boy who could drive 😂 and i still couldn’t give her that bc im so anti-men. there was a time i was so scared to go back to lola’s house bc she called me out during dinner - “baket ka malungkot/why are you sad?” - when all i was doing was browsing through my phone, scarily enough going through another “episode”, and the last person i’d ever want to know about my possible depression was her. of all my suicidal episodes, i’ve always resolved them by thinking of her - that i will continue living because i wanted to see her smile. because i wanted to see her happy.

i miss her so much. i wish i had been a better granddaughter to her. the small things i’ve done for her were never enough. in the past 5 months, i’ve only dreamt about her twice (actually being with her) and both times made the day so hard to function. i havent moved on and i dont know if im the only one. i dont know if i’ll ever move on. she would have been 97 today. whenever she forgets my name, i’ll tell her i have the same birthday as her and she’ll remember me. she’ll say “ahhh rosean! july 10!”

if someone read through this, im sorry you had to go through that mess. but thank you for hearing me out. no, i’ll thank you the way my lola would thank people, verbatim:

thank you very much from the bottom of my heart.