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#and my farmer's dressed different this time!
fishnchip3011 · 1 month
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the bfs..... i saw a cute outfit in a store a while ago and felt like drawing rowan in it. then the 2nd pic happened
+ some character info! i initially made rowan without intending to ship him with anyone specifically but i realized he & seb would be really good for each other (seb helps rowan become more assertive, rowan helps seb be more empathetic). them BAM gay people 💥
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petermorwood · 2 months
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Is "Uh, nope" a frequent US response to lamb?
Or is US lamb somehow different?
This is just a vaguely mystified response to some comments here.
I'm guessing the "G-word" is gamey. I've smelt gamey meat, I don't like it, and Irish lamb definitely isn't that. Also, most people I know don't need to screw up their courage before cooking or eating it.
Mutton, mature sheep-meat, has - or so I've been told, because I've never found it in any local butcher - a much fuller flavour, still not gamey, but more ... robust, pronounced, emphatic, choose your descriptor. It is, after all, a more mature meat.
For terminology reference (though this may not be current any more), "lamb" is up to one year old, "hogget" - remember the farmer's name in "Babe"? - is up to two years old, and "mutton" is over two years.
*****
As I said, I haven't seen mutton anywhere, and haven't HEARD of hogget.
This might be, as I hinted, because terminology has been simplified and all meat from sheep is now "lamb" - and that may answer my own question. Sometimes US lamb has a fuller flavour than, say, Wicklow lamb in Ireland, because sometimes US lamb is hogget or mutton instead.
If so, it restores a possible original meaning to "mutton dressed as lamb". That's now best known as "an older woman dressed inappropriately young", and though the meaning has been around for a long time (this Rowlandson print is dated 1810)...
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..."dressing" is also the term for preparing meat for sale.
And THAT makes me wonder if the critical phrase goes beyond fashion into the fine old tradition of adulterating food, and wily butchers transforming elderly sheep into the semblance of younger lamb then charging undiscerning customers accordingly.
I don't know how they might have done it, but if they could then they would. The ways in which 18th-19th century foods were fiddled with is amazing, and more than a bit Yuck.
Or in this case, Ew.
Comments, corrections, criticisms and all the rest are cordially invited.
:->
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Side-note; in keeping with the way nicknames get attached to surnames - "Chalky" White, "Dusty" Miller etc. - anyone called Curry usually ended up as "Mutton".
Two brothers at my school had this happen; Tom Curry, the older one, had been "Mutton" for a couple of years, and when his kid brother Will started school he became, of course, "Lamb".
Oh, how we laffed...
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ETA: @bellyoftheblast just messaged me this:
It turns out, and I only learned this very recently (I think it's in Hannah Glasse) that "dressed" used to mean "cooked" rather than "prepared for sale". Which would mean "mutton dressed as lamb" would be fast-cooked and thus greasy, unpleasantly tough and decidedly stringy. (Meanwhile I'll never waste good lamb on stew again now that I have a source for mutton -- MUCH better flavour for slow cooking).
Thanks for this snippet! We've got the Prospect Books facsimile of Hannah Glasse 1st ed, so I pulled it down, blew off the dust - it's been a while - and yes indeed, I found the following recipes in just four successive pages:
"To dreſs a Leg of Mutton à la Royale",
"To dreſs a Leg of Mutton to eat like Veniſon",
"To dreſs Mutton the Turkiſh Way"
"To dreſs Veal à la Bourgoiſe"
Mutton dressed (or dreſsed) as Lamb doesn't get mentioned, probably because Mistress Glasse knew better, though that business of Mutton to eat (taste) like Venison is interesting.
It involves cutting the leg of mutton "in the shape of a Haunch of Veniſon" then steeping it in the sheep's blood "for five or six Hours" before wrapping it in layers of buttered paper and roasting it, basted frequently with butter or beef dripping.
Not quite mutton as lamb, but still mutton disguised as something more expensive...
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mommypieck · 6 months
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𑄽୧ cow hybrid with geto 𔓘 ᰍ
kinktober day 17: fill me up with milk!!!
✿ farmer!geto suguru x cow hybrid!reader
✿ warnings: lactating, reader has cow ears and tail, titties play, clit play, breastfeeding
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You can feel someone's eyes watching you as you snuggle against the wall. It's your first day at a new farm, and you can't help but feel shy and embarrassed. Not to mention the fact that you're still in your old, ugly clothes. Your eyes flex when you hear footsteps coming your way. Your eyes lock with a young farmer, and your heart skips a beat.
"Hello, sweetheart," he says, crouching down at a good distance from you. he wears a sweet smile, but you're still unsure what to think about him. He's wearing a button-up that he leaves surprisingly unbuttoned, and his hair is in a bun. You've never met a farmer this young.
Your previous owner was an older man. Your whole family lived under his care, and you couldn't complain, he was a good man. But unfortunately for you, he focused his business on horses. And when your siblings were born, you as an older cow, had to be sold to a different farm.
"I'm your caretaker Suguru." The man introduces himself, and you nod at him to show him you acknowledge him.
"I have new clothes for me," he tells you, and you finally notice the basket next to him. It's full of blankets and clothing designed just for you. He pulls a few garments out of the basket, reaching his hand to give them to you. You look at the clothing, and you notice that it's beautiful, but you find the man more beautiful than everything in the world.
The days go by, and you and Geto start to get closer. You wait for him every day to come and milk you, and he never misses, except for one day.
"Oh, you poor thing, did I forget about you?" he coos, your eyes filling with tears. He forgot to milk you yesterday, and you were filled to the brim. Your boobs hurt like with all the milk stored inside. You feel betrayed, you thought you were his favorite
"Come here, sweetheart," he says, stretching his arms for you to lay in them. You shake your head, giving him the angriest face you can master. He chuckles, pulling you closer to his body. He kisses the top of your head, wrapping his arms around you.
"I hope you know you're my favorite." his praise means nothing and everything to you at the same time. You've become attached to Geto, but you can't stand to see him give attention to other people. You thought that maybe he likes you more than a cattle he has to milk. In the end, you're not so different from normal humans, you have a pair of ears and a tail, and you have to be milked.
"I'm tired of you treating me like a cattle," you tell him, his eyes widening.
"I never meant to" he wants to apologize, but you cut him off, "but you did."
"Do you want me to treat you like a human?" he asks angrily, his eyes darkening. You look him straight in the eyes before sticking your tongue at him.
"That's it," he growls, ripping the soft white dress off your body. Your boobs fall out, milk already dripping from your nipple. He manhandles you until you are on his lap. Geto takes one of your boobs in his hand and squeezes, milk spraying everywhere. His mouth latches on your boob, and he sucks. Your eyes go wide, not expecting him do to something so vulgar. He milks you by his mouth, some of the milk dripping down his chin. You feel your panties get wetter and wetter every second. You always get needy when he milks you, but he usually uses machines. This is the first time he used his mouth. His mouth feels so much better than those machines, even though he's being mean to your boobs, biting them as he sucks. It's still better than machines that almost pierce your boobs every time they touch you.
"Geto, I need you." you moan, relaxing into Suguru's body. You feel him smirk around your nipple before his hand travels down your body to your pussy. He touches it with his fingertips softly, laughing when he sees that you're absolutely soaked.
"So wet already," he says, kissing you on the cheek. You turn red instantly, this is exactly what you wanted. Now he's treating you like a human girl.
he puts his fingers on your clit, rubbing it gently. You have never had another person touch you before, and somebody else's touch feels so foreign but so good. he doesn't dare to touch you differently, he just rubs your clit while still sucking on your boobs.
The weight in your boob soon becomes lighter, and he moves to the next one.
"you dirty girl," he says, his hand slapping your pussy. You yelp, whining in Geto's arms. He can feel you're close, but he also wants to milk you dry before you cum. Your hips buck to meet his hand, but he smacks your pussy down.
"Don't dare to cum." he says as he sucks harder on your boobs. There's not much left, and as much as he wants to savor the taste, he knows you want to cum.
He pops his mouth off your breast, some of her liquid leaking down between your bodies. He applies more pressure with his fingers on your clit, making you arch your back against his chest.
"Are you gonna cum?" he asks, rubbing you harder. You nod your head, knowing it won't take long before you cum.
"Come here, sweetheart." he turns your head, kissing you right on your lips. Wind knocks out of your lungs as you cum with Geto's lips still pressed against you. Your body trashes against geto.
"Good girl." he praises you as he throws some blanket around your body, the dress he tore away from you being unwearable.
"Don't ever think that you're not my favorite. I couldn't ask for a better cowgirl than you."
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taglist: @mcharris747 @huuuuut30 @krispsprite @bejewelledd @cawwn @veryninjanacho @jamayah @dngerwayz @nwptune @universlypiratecolor @ffakegucci @merachannie @d1lf-luvr @th3girln3xtdoor @nobody289x @iheartpieck @gia999 @kawasgirl @st4rrlighttt @candyeyeroll @7haze @banchangsbbbg @nigthmar3moon @softlilpeachxx @d1gitalbathh @jaenniii @armahnsie @satorustar @balenciagarette @erp1007
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withahappyrefrain · 7 months
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Gin & Tonics (and Parking Spots)
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Summary: In which Venus finally meets the infamous Dagger Squad. The fourth installment of the Parking Spots universe
Warnings: Language, Venus being Venus, Jake being lovesick, suggestive language, Venus has an actual name but it's only used twice
A sea of khaki that reeked of testosterone everywhere one turned. 
It was Venus' worst nightmare. 
She made her way past the crowd of people, avoiding the stares. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to know she stuck out like a sore thumb. A "civilian" is what Jake called it. 
Apparently "not a soldier" was too simple for the military. And "wasn't coerced by a recruiter to sell my soul to the US government" was too long. 
"If you get there before me or Javy, just sit by Penny. She's the owner. You'll like her a lot." 
Venus rolled her eyes at her fiancé, "I like anyone who can make a good drink, Jake." 
Jake smiled before pressing a gentle kiss to her temple, “Y’know what I mean. She’ll look out for you.”
“What can I get you my dear?” Venus looked up to find an older woman behind the bar. 
Her green eyes looked kind. She suddenly understood what Jake meant. 
“I’ll just take a gin and tonic,” She shrugged her shoulders, trying her best to appear indifferent, undeterred by the borderline lewd stares. When getting ready, she thought the yellow dress would be a great choice for meeting Jake’s friends. Not too formal, not too informal. It was flattering, but not too revealing. She even put thought into her hair, opting to style it in waves rather than the natural curls that Jake adored. 
“You wore that on our first date,” Jake said softly, a smile gracing his face. 
She lowered the hanger in surprise, “You remember that?”
“Of course,” he reached a hand out to cup one side of her sweet face, “How could I forget?”
She didn’t account for the fact she would be alone for a bit. No, she was far too busy freaking out about meeting her fiance’s friends for the first time. 
Fuck. 
“They’re gonna love you V.”
Perhaps if she had some experience of being in a serious relationship and meeting their friends, anxiety wouldn’t be coursing through her body. She had met a few friends of the person she was dating before, but it was usually at a party where after introductions, she was left alone to her own devices. 
The idea that someone would want to introduce her to other parts of their life, to become a part of them, was new. That they thought she was important enough to do so. Family? Sure. That was a given. But friends? The people you willingly chose to spend time with?
 A whole different ballpark. Though in this case, perhaps turmac was more fitting. 
“Since you’re new, I’m going to need to see your ID hun,” The woman, presumably Penny, said, pulling her out of her thoughts. 
"Of course," She held her head high as pulled her driver's license from her wallet, ignoring the stares, trying to play off her hands shaking. 
If they wanted her to move, they could fucking ask. 
The bartender, who had to be Penny, looked at the ID, a soft smile forming, “Well Danica, I can see why Jake calls you Venus.”
“You…. know who I am?” Great, there was already a preconceived idea of who she was. Before she even had a chance, her fate was sealed. 
What was she known as? The girl who yelled at Jake in a parking lot? The girl who threw bread rolls at him? 
Penny continued to smile, “Of course! Jake is always excited to show me the latest picture he’s taken of you. The flowers you two got from the farmer’s market are beautiful by the way.”
Heat rushed to her face while recalling last weekend’s adventures. Jake insisted on taking her picture by the flower stand. It was strange at first-still was-how his Instagram that had once been only thirst traps workout pictures were now full of her and their adventures together. 
As much fun as it was going through the older posts and giving him hell about it, she loved looking at the newer photos, the ones that showed their journey together. 
“He’s a good photographer, I’ll give him that,” A small smile began to form on Venus' face, her shoulders visibly relaxing. 
“Don’t give him too much. He needs to be kept on his toes,” Penny laughed in agreement, “I’m Penny by the way. So where is the man of the hour?"
Penny handed her a gin and tonic as she explained, "Had a last minute meeting with Simpson. He should be coming soon, as is the rest of the squad from my understanding." 
Penny raised an eyebrow, "So you finally get to meet them! They have been dying to meet you. Been asking Jake about it for months." 
The grip on her drink tightened. 
Jake had a reputation. And with that reputation, came preconceived notions of what kind of girl he would date. 
Venus was not what people thought of when it came to Jake's ideal type. While his family adored her, they all admitted they were surprised when Jake first called to tell them about the woman he met in a parking lot. Hell, even her family was surprised when she described him. They still adored him, loved him, and insisted on serving a traditionally prepared lechon at the engagement party.
But friends were a whole different breed. One willingly chose to spend time with them. Friends were honest, and more often than not, their opinion was highly valued. 
She had learned that the hard way. 
"I mean, she's nice but do you see it going anywhere? I don't." 
"She's really not your type, man." 
"She's kind of a bitch." 
A soft hand gently laid on top of hers, breaking Venus out of her thoughts. Was it motherly instinct or was her anxiety that plainly written across her face? 
She found Penny smiling, "They're so excited to meet you. They already adore you and ask about you constantly." 
They were looking forward to meeting you, she repeated in her head. That means they want to meet you. Adore is such a specific word, Penny wouldn't have said it if it wasn't true. 
She clung onto Penny's words. They were nuggets of truth, a shield against the negative thoughts that clouded her brain. The evidence that those shitty experiences were in the past, that the situation she was in now was entirely different, was better. 
Her therapist would be so proud. 
A more relaxed, genuine smile appeared on Venus’ face, the first one she could recall occurring since pulling into the parking lot of the Hard Deck. 
“I look forward to meeting everyone. I’ll take another gin and tonic when you get a chance!” 
“I got it covered Penny,” a smooth voice said. She turned around, half expecting (moreso hoping) to see Jake, despite the lack of Texan drawl. 
When she turned around, there was no tall blonde with sparkling emerald green eyes and a smile so white, she could see it from outer space. 
Instead, a Hawaiin shirt so ugly that no Dad at a BBQ would go near greeted her. 
Her lips formed a tight line, her eyes narrowing. It was the same look she wore when dealing with annoying patients or annoying men. 
“Welcome to the Hard Deck,” The man said with a wink. His eyes were nice, but the caterpillar that occupied the space between his nose and upper lip was what she noticed first. 
She recognized him immediately. Jake had given her plenty of information so she could recognize members of the dagger squad. 
Bold of him to assume she would just go up to them. But maybe she could have some fun with this. 
Penny gave her a look, one that silently asked Should I tell him? Venus just shook her head, turning back to face the infamous Bradley Bradshaw. 
“How do you know it’s my first time?” She asked coyly with a raised eyebrow before bringing the drink back to her lips. 
“With a face like that? I wouldn't be able to forget ya." Did he also get his pickup lines from the eighties, in addition to his shirts?
Bradlet leaned against the railing of the bar, bending slightly so they were at eye level, “So what brings you here? Besides fate.” 
Her eyes could not roll any harder. How many more lines would it take before he started singing Jerry Lewis? 
“Well, after hearing about it so much, I just had to see the mustache in person,” She responded, moving her drink to her left hand. 
If there had to be a sound that best represented Bradley’s face, it was a record scratch. The best he could respond with was a very confused “Excuse me?”
“I’ll give you credit, you pull off the look pretty well, despite it consisting of a pornstache and clothes from the part of the eighties that even Stranger Things won’t touch.”
“It’s not….it’s not a pornstache.”
A darked haired woman clad in a khaki uniform nearby snorted. 
Venus grinned, “It is absolutely a pornstache. But some people are into that. I don’t get it, but good for you Rooster.”
Bradley's eyes knitted together in confusion,“Do I…..do I know you?”
"I would hope you know of me. According to Javy, Jake talks about me a lot. Anyways, we should become best friends. Jake’s reaction will be hilarious.”
It was then Bradley finally looked down, seeing the huge emerald ring on her left hand.
And that's when it hit Bradley Bradshaw like a fucking train. 
"You're Venus?!" 
It was much louder than she would have liked, the statement causing several people to look at her with curious stares. 
Just play it cool, they all work for the military, you actually do important shit, she told herself over and over again. 
“In the flesh!" She flashed a smile before taking a huge sip of her drink, trying to ignore the fact that another pilot was now approaching her. 
She was going to need another drink to get through this. 
"You're Hangman's girl? The one who told him to fuck off when you first met him?"The dark haired woman asked, practically shoving Bradley out of the way. 
The infamous Venus shrugged, "I didn't exactly tell him to fuck off. I told him it made no sense why he could fly million-dollar jets but was a shit driver. Phoenix?" 
Natasha nodded, “Glad he’s no longer hiding you. I’ve been telling him to bring you around ever since he arrived late to a debriefing with hearts in his eyes as he talked about a woman who referred to him as Hangnail.” 
The comment brough relief. At least one person liked her, at least one person wanted to get to know her. 
Natasha grabbed her arm, “Come on. The rest of the gang is going to lose their minds when they learn you’re finally here.”
Through the throngs of pilots, Natasha led her to a table filled with other men who all looked vaguely familiar. The tight lipped smile remained on her face as she straightened her shoulders, ready to face the (multiple) men of the hour. 
“Hey guys, guess who I met?”
“V! You made it!” Before she could say anything, a pair of strong arms wrapped themselves around her waist, picking her up. 
“Javy, I swear to God if you don’t put me down-” She couldn’t help but laugh. Just like with Jake, Javy had become the older brother Venus never knew she wanted. 
Knowing Javy would be there was what made her feel comfortable enough to arrive without Jake. Winning over your fiancé's best friend was quite the confidence boost.
Maybe it was the fact he actually made an effort to get to know her. Maybe it was the fact he took all her digs about the Saints in stride. But with Jake, the three of them had become a trio and she didn't mind at all. 
"Hey guys! This is Danica! Aka Venus, aka the one who got Jake to settle down!"
"You really know how to build suspense Coyote," Nat deadpanned before taking a seat next to Bob. Javy lowered her down, her feet returning to the ground. 
"You're Venus? The one he proposed to after eight months of dating?" A man with shining brown eyes and energy that could best be described as a golden retriever asked. 
Her features softened as she looked down at her emerald ring,  "When you know, you know. I also take it you're Mickey?"
"Wow, I guess Hangman talks about us more than we thought," Mickey joked, earning the chuckles from others. 
She looked back up, that signature smirk having returned, "We're also having a long engagement, that was my compromise." 
"That's not what he said," Phoenix scoffed, recalling the different potential venues Jake had already shown her. 
She continued fidgeting with her engagement ring. It wasn’t a matter of Venus being unfamiliar to having all eyes on her. But with Jake's friends, it was different. Another layer of being official that she wasn’t used to. 
"Well, you deserve all the drinks for being able to put up with Bagman,” Mickey commented, as if he sensed her nerves.  
“Bagman?” she asked, a mischievous glint forming in her big eyes. 
"It's what we call him when we feel he hasn't earned being called his proper name, which I'm sure as you know, is most of the time," A man with glasses and a thin lopsided smile that was sweeter than sugar explained. 
Her eyes light up, "Oh, I am definitely using that. Also, are you Bob?" 
Without waiting for an answer, she walked over to the bespectacled WSO, “You’re so cute! I’m adopting you.” For added effect, she placed a hand on each of Bob’s cheeks. 
“Does that mean Bagman is my dad?" Bob asked with an almost grimace. 
"Yeah, but I'll make sure he chills out," She reassured him with a soft smile. 
“Wait, she’s actually nice?” Reuben whispered to Natasha and Bradley, “The way Jake describes her-”
“Look, if she can find redeemable qualities in Bagman of all people, she must have a lot going for her,” Natasha interjected. 
As time passed, Venus found herself more and more at ease with the group. Despite having heard so much, they still took the time to ask questions, to get to know her. They wouldn’t only talk about Jake (not that she wanted them to), and they actually tried to include her in the conversation, despite her lack of knowledge about their field. 
It was different. It was nice. 
Once drinks got low, Venus offered to go get the next round. Bradley followed her, still apologizing for the flirting earlier. 
She chuckled, “It’s totally fine. In fact, I think it’s hilarious that you and Bagman have a similar type,” Her eyes narrowed, “Which by the way, I know plenty of cute, spitfire nurses who are single.”
Bradley’s face turned bright red, “I’m uh-I don’t need any help with-”
“Look, I already plan to find Bob's future wife, might as well find yours while I’m at it. There are people out there who are into what you call a mustache,” She shrugged her shoulders, “I don’t get it, but I’m willing to find them for you.” 
It was the way she mixed sweetness with snark that confused Bradley, as well as everyone else. 
“Can I ask you something?” Bradley finally asked. 
“I’m not going to tell you his dick size,” A devious smirk adorned her face, causing her to resemble the image the squad had conjured in their minds when Jake first told them how the ‘future Mrs. Seresin’ referred to him as a knockoff Ken doll. 
“That’s not what-”
“But I will say-”
“Please don’t.”
“You could have named him Hungman and it still would have been accurate.”
“I really, really don’t need to hear this.” Bradley’s face was now bright red, whereas the woman next to him casually ordered the next round of beers and a lemon seltzer for Bob with a grin on her face. 
“You’re telling me the men in the navy don’t talk about their dick sizes? Least of all, the person whose call sign means cock?”
“It’s a bird-”
“That also means cock.”
Bradley stared at her, quite frankly afraid that if he said another word, he'd have to hear about Hangman’s dick. 
She stared right back, able to hold off the impromptu staring contest for a few moments before erupting into a fit of giggles.
When Jake first rambled on about the beautiful woman he had met at a coffee shop, who he insisted was his future wife, Bradley (and everyone else) thought the blonde pilot had lost his damn mind. 
But after seeing her truly smile, Bradley could understand why Jake became so smitten. 
“How….do you two work?” It was an honest question. Javy asked the same thing the first time he went out with you and Jake. She even wondered about it herself when they first got together. 
She shrugged, fingers fiddling with Jake’s class ring that was on a silver chain around her neck, “We just….do. He calms me down. I remind him sometimes it’s better to be quiet and just listen. We both make each other smile and laugh. It’s nice. More than nice. It’s wonderful.” 
Bradley noticed what she was fiddling with, "So that’s where it went.”
“He has a ring of mine that he wears with his dog tags. We traded before he went on deployment.” She shrugged again, as if to suggest it wasn’t a big deal. 
The soft smile on her face suggested the exact opposite. 
Bradley grinned, “Do you know he also wears one of your hair ties around his wrist?”
Her smile only continued to grow, "He says the more pieces he has of me on him, the luckier he is in the sky."  
Truthfully, Venus wasn't sure what to expect when she began dating Jake. Certainly not him being such a romantic. It was strange at first. Why would someone go through so much effort to bring flowers, to make dinner reservations, to plan dates when they already had you?
When Jake scoffed at the very idea of not needing to impress it was the first time she truly reflected on previous relationships and just how shitty they were. 
"Baby, they were awful," Jake pressed a chaste kiss to her shoulder, "You deserve so much more than what you've gotten." 
A hand on your shoulder broke you out of your thoughts. 
"I think I just saw that Jeep Wrangler you love so much just pulled up," Natasha teased. 
She rolled your eyes, despite a small smile remaining as you shook your head, "I hate that fucking car." 
"I'm glad someone else agr-"
"Bradshaw, don't get me started on your car choices." Her eyes narrowed as she shot him a look. 
Only she got to insult that hideous car. 
Bradley promptly closed his mouth, not wanting to face her infamous wrath. 
He was still reeling from the Pornstache comment. 
So instead, he simply helped her carry the round of drinks back to the rest of the squad. 
"So Venus, what does the woman who made Jake Seresin lovesick do?" Payback asked. 
"I'm a level three neonatal nurse at the local hospital," she explained, "Which is partly why it's been so hard to meet y'all. My schedule can be pretty irregular." 
The table was quiet as they processed this new piece of information. When they first heard about her, they couldn't help but imagine a cutthroat business woman, a manager, a consultant. 
Not a nurse. Particularly one who dealt with children. 
"So you um, you-" 
She set her glass down with force, "I do not play with babies and change diapers all day. My job is to keep premature babies alive and ensure they're able to go home with their family and live as healthy of a life as possible." 
Her voice was tense, no doubt due to past dismissive comments regarding her job. 
Bob shifted closer to her, "I think that's amazing. One of my sister's kids was born at 28 weeks and she still swears to this day that if it weren't for y'all, she would not have been able to keep it together." 
Her shoulders visibly relaxed as a smile formed on her face, "I like you Bob. I'm going to keep you." 
Mickey spoke up, "Hey, wait a second. My girlfriend Cielo and I have already put in a request to adopt Bob." 
She put an arm around Bob's shoulder, shaking her head, "Nah, I call dibs." 
"We knew him first!" If one didn’t see the gleam of playfulness that laced Mickey’s amber eyes, his tone would sound completely defensive. 
Bob finally spoke up, "Just a friendly reminder that I'm thirty one years old." 
She turned to the soft spoken WSO, "Which is why I am determined to find you your Missus." 
"Get in line, Cielo and I have been working on that." 
Natasha snorted, "We've all been working on that." 
Bob signed, putting a palm to his face. 
"Hey V, I think your man just walked in." Maybe it was fate, maybe the universe took pity on Bob. 
But when Venus looked up upon hearing Reuben's words, her heart skipped a beat. 
There he was. 
Jake was over at the bar, waiting for Penny to take notice of him. No doubt ordering gin and tonic, along with a basket of fries for Venus. He always made sure she had something to snack on. 
"Wanna see something?" She asked the gang. 
Without waiting, she put two fingers to her mouth, a loud whistle coming out. The noise caught the attention of several people, including a blonde man with eyes greener than the emerald that adorned her engagement ring. 
When Jake's eyes met hers, her heart skipped a beat. His eyes lit up, a smile overtaking his face. 
"Hi loverboy," she called out with a wave. Oh she tried to smirk, try to play it off as if she was indifferent to the sight of her fiancé. 
But Danica's eyes told a different story. 
"Venus!" Jake called out, getting even more attention. Not that he noticed. He was too busy practically shoving folks out of the way to get to the table. 
Maybe she picked up her pace to meet Jake. Maybe Jake knocked a drink over as his hands placed themselves underneath her thighs, allowing him to pick her up in one swoop. 
It’s not like either of them were paying attention. 
—-----------------------------------------
To say Jake Seresin was annoyed was an understatement.
His day had started out so well. He got to wake up not on base in a small, old twin bed, but instead in the arms of his fiancé. 
Then he had to go to work. 
Jake loved his job. He was damn good at it- one of the best, in fact. He enjoyed being at work, which was something many couldn't say. 
But not when his job caused him to be late, unable to be with the woman he loved, especially on a night where she needed him the most. 
Normally, she would have already met his friends before Jake proposed to her. But thanks to the nature of his job, which involved spur-of-the-moment missions, he had done things a bit backwards. 
If it weren't for the nature of his job, Venus could have met the squad back when she only had the title of girlfriend. 
Sure, she still would have put pressure on herself, as was in her nature. But decidedly less pressure. 
Jake wanted to be there for her, to reassure her that she was in fact, the most incredible person he had ever met and that his friends would see that immediately. To put a hand on her shoulder whenever he saw that smile begin to fade, self doubt creeping into her mind. 
Which was why he was all but running into the Hard Deck. His meeting with Cyclone lasted much longer than intended. Normally Jake wasn’t super concerned about showing up late to the Hard Deck, but today was the worst day it could happen. 
Deep in his heart, he knew she would be just fine. At worst, she wouldn’t approach the squad until Javy arrived and would stick by Penny. 
Jake just wanted her to feel comfortable, to feel at ease. He wanted to support her, like any decent husband would. 
So yeah, maybe he was taking advantage of his status, knowing that no one would say anything if he pushed past them without a single excuse me. Jake knew his great grandmother was rolling in her grave, but he hoped Mimi would understand all in due time. 
“Hey Penny, have you happened to see an absolute goddess with an affinity for gin and tonics?” Jake asked once he arrived at the front of the bar, ignoring the glares. 
Penny simply smiled, "I think your friends found her. She was also pretty low on her beverage last time I saw her." 
"Well, we can't have that. I'll take a Miller Light, along with a Gin and tonic with a basket of fries." Jake recalled that she had texted him around two that she was on her lunch break. He doubted she had much time, if any, to eat when she got home from work. 
Order fries first, then find the love of his life. 
If only the bar wasn't slammed. 
He was trying his best not to be impatient. It wasn't Penny's fault, the Hard Deck was always like this when a new class arrived to base. 
But damn was it frustrating. The minutes seemed to tick away. Jake looked around, unable to spot his fiancé amidst the sea of khaki. 
Until he heard that whistle. 
He looked around, Bradshaw finally moving his bigass head to reveal the person that made his heart soar. 
She was sitting with the rest of the gang, smiling. She looked at ease, as if she had always been a part of this crew. 
Jake knew this was possible, that she had it in herself to open up and connect, rather than sit at the bar and wait for him to come. 
But sometimes she forgets that she can. 
So when Jake doesn't need to remind her, he can't help but beam. 
"Hi loverboy!" His heart fluttered when she sent him a wink, along with her smirk that he fell in love with the first time he saw (it also made him hard but that's neither here nor there). 
So yes, he did gently push some people out of the way to get to the table. And he did knock a drink over when he went to pick her up. But in Jake's defense, he hadn't seen her since seven-thirty in the morning and it was only Bradley's drink. 
"Hi baby," He said as he pressed his lips to her cheek. 
She rolled her eyes, though the smile still remained on her face, "You act like you haven't seen me in forever."
"Because I haven't," Jake murmured against her skin, "It's been ten hours." 
"Ten hours?" She repeated, her tone teasing, "You're incorrigible." 
"I don't know what that means, but thanks V," He said before pressing his lips against hers.  
Before Jake, she wasn't used to PDA. It wasn't a matter of not desiring it, she did. But none of her past relationships were into it, so it wasn't something she pursued. 
And then she met Jake. Jake, who would just grab her hand without saying anything. Jake, whose natural inclination was to wrap his arms around her. Jake, who would make the effort to kiss her, even if he was just passing by to get a drink or to unload the dishwasher. 
She liked it. She couldn't stop the smile that spread across her face as his lips moved to her nose, then forehead. 
"Can you put me down? You're looking a little desperate GI Joe," She teased, quickly placing a chaste kiss on his jawline. 
"You like it," He whispered in her ear, gently setting her back down. 
"Debatable," She rolled her eyes, trying to fight back a smile as Jake pressed another kiss against her cheek. 
"Debatable?" He questioned, "The ring on your left hand says otherwise sweetheart." 
Venus looked down at the ring, "I guess." 
"You guess?" Jake hummed, his arms now wrapped around her waist, his chin resting on top of her head. 
The noise and chatter of the Hard Deck slipped away when she looked up, meeting his emerald eyes. She bit her lower lip, trying to hold back a lovesick smile. 
It was no use, as it came out anyway. 
"Oh my God they're adorable," Bradley whispered to Natasha, stunned. 
"What the hell is happening?" Natasha whispered back, equally as stunned. 
"I think they're…in love?" Mickey didn't sound too sure of himself, if at all. 
"Of course they are, is it not obvious?" Bob practically scoffed. 
"Careful," Natasha teased, elbowing Bob playfully, "Think she still wants to adopt you. Remember who your dad would be." 
—------
The rest of the night wasn't anything unusual, save for Natasha, Bradley, Mickey, and Bob asking Venus questions while Jake, Javy, and Reuben played a round of pool. 
"So he listens when you tell him to shut up? Like deadass?" Mickey asked. 
She raised an eyebrow, "He listens to me regardless of what I say." 
"I don't believe it," Bradley started, "We can barely get him to listen to us and-" 
"Hey Jake?" Venus called out, remaining in her seat. 
Jake looked up from the angling his pool cue, his eyes lightening up when they met hers, "What's up darling?" 
"Do you think Sammy and Jess deserved to win Love Island?" Bradley couldn't help but scoff at Venus' question, there was no way- 
"Jess did, because she had the best personality of that season and was actually likable. She would have won regardless of who she coupled up with," Jake explained as he briefly looked back to his aim, "Unfortunately she was stuck on Sammy, who did not deserve to win, dude's a fuckboy if I've ever seen one. Is your drink empty?" 
The squad wasn't sure what was more shocking, the fact Jake had been able to make a perfect shot without looking again, or how focused he was on another person's needs. 
Venus, oblivious to this confusion, raised her empty drink, "I am! Can you get me another gin and tonic please?" 
Jake immediately set his pool stick down, ignoring the confused cries of Javy and Reuben as he went to Venus to give her a kiss on the cheek and pick up her glass. 
"What did you just do?" Mickey asked as soon as Jake headed over to the bar. 
Venus shrugged, "I asked him for another drink. I got his last drink, it's only fair." 
"But he was in a middle of a game-" 
"The less you think about it, the less confused you'll be," Javy explained, cutting off Reuben. 
Javy had long since learned that Jake's focus was now all things Venus. He was pretty sure once Venus became pregnant, she would be able to pry Jake away from a Texas football game. 
"How do you get him to listen to you?" Bradley asked, stunned. 
"I love her," Jake scoffed because wasn't it obvious? The only people who didn't seem confused by all this were Javy and Bob. 
Jake now understood why Venus wanted to adopt the bespectacled WSO. 
"So what are we? Chopped liver?" Natasha remarked, a teasing glint in her eyes.
"He just loves y'all a little less," Venus teased, taking her drink from Jake's hands. 
Bradley scoffed, "Dude, I was your bunkmate." 
"Yeah but did you give him blowjobs frequently?" Venus asked, unaffected by the number of aviators who nearly choked on their drinks. Jake could feel the tops of cheek heat up. 
"Well, depended on-" Bradley started, much to the delightful shrieks of Natasha, Javy, and Reuben. 
"Alright, it's time for us to go pick a new song," Jake stated loudly, practically pushing his fiancé to the jukebox. 
"You're finishing that story later!" Venus called out, pointing to Bradley. 
"Only if you convince him not to play Free Rider!" Bradley called back.
Jake dragged away his fiancé, who was now laughing at the antics of his coworkers. 
He couldn't help but smile at the sight. She was beautiful like this; eyes squinting, cheeks round as she smiled, skin glowing,  not having a care in the world. 
Jake would do anything to keep that smile on her face. 
"I get to pick," She said, taking the quarter out of Jake's hand. 
"Why do you get to pick?" Jake teased before placing a kiss against her temple. 
"Because it's my first time here," she started, because wasn't it obvious? "Plus, I want Bradshaw to finish the story."
"You're really about to give Bradshaw what he wants?" Jake put his hand over his heart, "V, that's the most offensive thing you've said to me." 
Venus simply raised an eyebrow as she scoffed, "That's the most offensive thing I've said to you? Compared to all the other stuff? Compared to what I said when we first met?" 
"I thought it was charming," Jake was completely sincere, which Venus didn't know if she should find that cute or concerning. 
"I think you liked being called a Ken doll," she muttered, looking through the list of songs. 
Jake wrapped his arms around her waist, nestling his head on her shoulder, "I liked the woman who called me a Ken doll. So much so, I plan to marry her." 
Her teeth tugged her bottom lip, a tall-tale sign that she was flustered. She didn't blush, but Jake had learned the signs; she would bite her lip, her lashes would flutter. Her hand that wasn't pressing buttons on the jukebox drummed against the machine, looking for something to do. 
"I love you," he whispered. The declaration made her head turn, allowing Jake to steal a kiss. 
"Could have just asked."
"Where's the fun in that?" He pressed his lips against a heated cheek, leaving tiny kisses. 
Her eyes softened upon looking up at Jake, "How did the meeting go?" 
He squeezed the soft flesh of her hip, "Cyclone thinks I have a decent shot at the instructor position. And that I would be a good fit." 
The statement caused her eyes to light up. Jake could see that she was trying to hold herself back, trying not to get her hopes up. 
"So he'll write you a letter of recommendation?" 
He grinned, showing off his pristinely (and blindingly) white teeth, "Him and Mav." 
"We stan a short king." She said it half in jest, purely to see Jake's brows knit together in confusion, the five year age difference showing. 
"Is that a Tik Tok reference?" 
She stifled a giggle as she shook her head, "No. But you're getting there!" 
"You make me feel so old," Jake sighed. He thought he was doing so well, until Venus informed him that Instagram reels were just Tik Tok videos shown two weeks later. 
She pressed a kiss to his cheek, "So you think you have a shot at it? The position?" 
Before meeting her, Jake would have scoffed at the suggestion he wouldn't get something. He knows who he is, what he's capable of. 
But he doesn't want to let her down. To disappoint her. They both know what this position would entail; permanence. Not having to be deployed on missions. Not having to be away from her for months at a time. The ability to settle down with her. 
"I think so. Cyclone says I have the track record to prove I know the material and I now have the temperance to show I can teach it well." 
She grinned, "that's the most polite way to say you're no longer a cocky asshole." 
Jake wiggled his eyebrows, eliciting another soft giggle from her. 
"Are you sure you're okay with this? If you get the position?" She asked, biting her bottom lip in an attempt to hide her nerves. 
When Jake first brought up the idea of applying to the instructor position, she thought he was joking. Why would someone give up the chance to travel around the world, playing the role of a real life superhero? 
But then he kept bringing it up, announcing he was going to apply. When questioned, Jake said it was simple.
"Getting that job means I get to stay here, with you." 
That's what he said then and it's what he said now. 
"Besides," he added, "the chances of me becoming an ace are low. I'm more than happy to be the only one with two confirmed kills in my generation." 
Venus' eyes narrowed at him and without breaking eye contact, she pressed a button on the Jukebox. 
The notes of Queen's I Want to Break Free filled the Hard Deck, which was followed by the sounds of the squad clapping and thanking Venus. 
"Babe!" Jake nearly whined, putting his hand on his heart, "Really?!" 
"Oh please, you absolutely deserve that." Venus stated before walking towards the bar. 
Jake all but ran after her, grabbing her closest hand. 
"So is now a bad time to tell you that today I parked within the lines?" 
Venus stopped, her eyes slowly turning towards her fiancé, "Both lines?" 
Jake nodded, a proud, albeit cocky smirk adorning his face. 
She took a step forward, her face now inches apart from Jake's. 
"You know," her voice was low, "If you want me to fuck you, you can just ask." 
Jake visibly gulped, the smirk fading as heat rushed to his face, "I mean I, uh, I always want you to-" 
"Did you take a picture of it? Your parking job?" She rested her chin on Jake's head, wrapping her arms around his waist. To others, the gesture was very sweet. 
But Jake could see the desire in her eyes and it was making his knees weak. 
"It's um, how I parked outside of here-" 
"I want to see it. And then I want to go home and fuck you," with that, she was walking towards the door, her fingers hooking themselves around one of Jake's belt loops to ensure he followed. 
Not that he needed encouragement, he was already trailing right behind her. 
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angel-maybe-alive · 1 year
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More things I hate about modern literature because today is a bad day and I need to be a dick online to feel better:
How much sex there is in everything
And again I am not a prude, erotica has existed for decades and it's okay but every popular YA or adventure book nowadays is a bad erotica with some low stakes adventure in the background
And somehow they are able to be both bad porn and bad adventure
And also people will promote those books as " yes the plot kinda sucks but there's good sex scenes"
The word Mary sue
The misuse of the word Mary sue
Any attempt to make a "LOTR inspired" book made by a man
Because usually the things that made LOTR good go just over the authors head and we end with basically a vin diesel movie set in the middle ages
This is not just about modern literature but books about or set in horrible moments for a oppressed minority(like holocaust or slavery) written by people who aren't part of said minority
Coleen hoover
She did for feminist literature what Seth MacFarlane did for adult animation
The harry Potter/Percy Jacksonification of children's literature
The magical choose one trope being taken to a magical world did irremediable damage to children's literature
The mean girl trope
Books set in fictional middle ages but the protagonist go to balls in fashion show modern runaway style dresses
You know the tacky Pinterest glittery showing shoulders back and leg
Those official arts of the same exactly white women and the same white guy in slightly different clothes with the same 2016 style eyebrows and the sharp jawline and the nothing expression
Characters being described as "golden skin" so depending if the author needs some representation points they can be interpreted as people of color but if no one says nothing they stay as just tan white
Comparing dark skin color to any food
How many authors try to make at the same time "this is brainless wish fulfilment fantasy about being desired by a hot dominating guy" and " this is a profound take about the horrors of abuse"
Usually by having the second love interest to abuse the protag
In the end the message that stays is any abuse is forgivable if the abuser is hot enough
The "I'm skinny but not hot super model skinny I am ugly skinny my bones show because of malnourishment"
"yet I don't feel any other effect of starvation like being weak and I can carry five times my body weight in whatever animal the author needs me to hunt in the beginning of the book because making me a farmer wouldn't be cool"
"I am ugly" cried the skinny girl with locks of auburn hair porcelain white skin and eyes of emerald green.
The jk Rowling stupid name school (she named the werewolf Wolfy mcwolf in Latin and people though it was smart now we have a girl who fights on a island named island and the archer who marries a fae named fae archer )
And again faes because fuck faes
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mooshywrites · 2 months
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Picnic ~
Baldur’s Gate men planning a picnic for you
Masterlist
Art commissions
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A/N - I’m going to be uploading a little less from now on, making some room in the schedule for series and art commissions. I’ll still upload on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, there just may not be multiple fics uploaded for each. I’m hoping the variety of content will make up for it :D <3
─── ⋆⋅☼⋅⋆ ───
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Wyll -
~ simplicity ~
~ Wyll loved the idea of having picnics with you
~ He knew the best spots too, empty rooftops where the two of you could look over all of the glowing lights of Baldur’s Gate
~ You’d talk about your day together, snacking on the masterfully packed picnic basket Wyll brought along
~ He chose food from all over the city, packing up your favorites neatly
~ It never failed that the chatting would extend through the night until the sun had long since dipped below the horizon
~ Whenever you were overtaken with yawns and sleepy sighs, Wyll would pack everything up and help you down
~ Every outing ended with a gentle kiss to your forehead and a loving gaze from the Blade
~ “Of all the beauty Baldur’s Gate has to offer, you’re my favorite part”
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Astarion -
~ extravagance ~
~ In truth, you had to beg Astarion to go on a picnic with you
~ He much preferred formal dates, fancy dress and parties
~ But seeing how much it meant to you, he finally relented on one condition - He got to be in charge of the planning
~ He even had the gall to blindfold you, leading you to where he had set up the picnic
~ When Astarion finally uncovered your eyes, you realized you were in a cemetery
~ You couldn’t be too mad at the location when you saw how beautifully the picnic was set up
~ Dozens of candles were lit, vases of bright red roses surrounding the soft blanket, and a plethora of cheeses and fruit arranged in a near perfect display
~ Astarion just smiled when he saw how your face lit up, obviously proud of his spread
~ “Did you think I’d allow anything less than perfect for you, my darling?”
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Halsin -
~ ethereal ~
~ Halsin was a bit confused when you told him you wanted a picnic
~ After all, most of your dates were eating on blankets outside
~ When he saw how hard you were pleading, though, he knew he had to make it special
~ He spent weeks finding the perfect spot to have the picnic, knowing he absolutely had to have the perfect place
~ Finally, he stumbled across a wide meadow filled with your favorite flower
~ He took an empty basket with the two of you on your way back there, filling it with various wild nuts and fruits
~ The view of nature was perfect, it felt as if the meadow was made for you specifically
~ By the time you were in the field, the basket was overflowing
~ Halsin gazed at you the entire time, entranced by your happiness
~ “Of every flower in this field, you bloom the most beautifully.”
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Gale -
~ heavenly ~
~ Gale absolutely knew how to put together a fantastic date
~ He brought you up to the top of his tower, as giddy as you had ever seen him
~ In the starlight, you could see the dozens of scrolls on the ground, each with a different constellation painted on them
~ In the middle, however, was a soft blanket and a tray of your favorite food
~ He spent most of the evening teaching you about the different stars, laughing at all of your jokes
~ Even when the two of you sat in silence, listening to the night wind, it was comfortable
~ You told him about an old children’s story you had heard, about a star who fell to earth because it had fallen in love with a simple farmer’s daughter
~ When his eyes met yours at the end of the story, they were filled with adoration
~ “I, too, would fall from the heavens if it meant I landed in your arms”
─── ⋆⋅☼⋅⋆ ───
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konigsblog · 7 months
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i’m so warmed by all the pregnancy stuff with the farmers 🫣🤭 if you’re up to it! literally anything surrounding that, it’s so soft to read tbf. your writing is always so good, hits every time but the way you write pregnancy just hits different 🩷🩷
— thank you!! i'm glad you enjoy them, it makes me feel more confident in my writing and i appreciate you for saying such sweet things ! 🎀 i wasn't sure if you wanted smut, but this was rotting my mind !
⭒༉‧₊˚. kid headcannons with farmer!MW2 🌾🧺🐄
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farmer!price has mainly sons. little boys always helping out on the farm, gasping when the pigs begin squealing and the birds make their call. takes such good care of them, and you as well. the boys love their mother; running up to you while covered in mud, overalls coated in brown sludge, giving in and hugging them tightly.
simon is a with the farmer concept is hard. i can't imagine it, i can imagine him working down in the bar down in the village, you joining along, or being his little housewife. wearing long dresses, and coming to him with your toddler boy and girl, giving them some sweets so they'll be alright and talking with your confident, funny husband.
(trying with the farmer!simon concept) who smokes a lot and always stinks of tobacco after a hard day. his little boy and older daughter (2 year difference between them) giggling with eachother, watching as she protects him. he's so proud of her and always makes time to help with her homework after breaking his back taking care of the carrots and cabbages.
farmer!soap who has 2 daughters. they're his princesses, and he'll do whatever it takes to keep them safe. walking with them, hand in hand, sent down to the village for fruits and vegetables by their mother. helping you make some blueberry pie for your husband after a long day. his daughters falling asleep at the dinner table with blueberry pie all over their faces.
farmer!gaz who has daughters. he treats them like angels, and appreciates when they help with the animals. i imagine his daughters to enjoy helping on the farm when they're a teenager; taking care of chickens and bringing back eggs, or getting hay on their jeans and t-shirt. spends a lot of time with them and they all appreciate his work.
farmer!könig has only daughters, i can't imagine him with daughters, at all. has a lot of daughters, perhaps 5, or maybe a pair of twins. they're so cute when they're toddlers; falling asleep on their daddy's lap, and getting their faces messy with cheesecake after dinner.
he's an amazing dad, and loves reading to them before bedtime. has an album of photos of them from their younger ages, and sometimes fell asleep on the rocking chair when they were newborns and woke up crying.
farmer!alejandro has daughters too, no son's for him. he definitely treats them like princesses and loves how sweet they are. makes funny jokes, and is very overprotective of them. oh, his daughter wants to go down to the village? no matter if she's a teenager, she's not going alone. if she waits for him, he'll buy her a ice-cream and allows her to help with the cows despite his constant scolding for asking! don't worry, he'll handle it.
farmer!rodolfo who has 1 daughter (i'm sorry, i can barely imagine half of these characters with son's!!) he lets her help on the farm and always appreciates her help. doesn't want to force her, but allows her to clean the pigs and take the eggs back to the house for her mother to use. when she was a baby, he'd kiss her every night and sit on a rocking chair beside the fireplace, lulling her to sleep and teaching spanish to her in her older years.
farmer!graves who has 3 sons, and his youngest, a daughter. they all look like him when he was younger; 3 replicas. his daughter has gorgeous, soft blonde hair and his blue, silverish eyes. not only does he treat her like a princess, he refuses to allow her to work on the farm.
— encourages his son's to help him on the farm, while she plays with barbie dolls on the porch and eats any freshly baked cookies her mother made. her brother's are around 9, and a pair of twins, 8 when she's 3. a sweetheart who has a pure, giving heart and always makes her father little cards or paper people using his old newspapers.
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celiastjamesoscar · 8 months
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Luminous Waters
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Pairings: Wednesday Addams x Fem!reader
Summary: You drag your girlfriend Wednesday to a beautiful pond that you discovered and enjoy the stars together.
Warnings: slight grave digging, Wednesday attempts to drown R
Word Count: 3.1K
My masterlist
A/N: I rushed this and I hate how it turned out; I just wanted to post something for Wednesday before I posted my big one for her 💀
The wooded floors of Ophelia Hall creaked as you tipped-toed your way down it. It was almost midnight and several hours past curfew, but now was the perfect time to show Wednesday your discovery.
You had been galavanting around the grounds of Nevermore when you discovered a beautiful pond hidden away from the rest of the world. It was as if it was your own personal portal into another world that reminded you of fairy tales and happy-ever-afters.
You slowly approached Wednesday’s door and used the spare key she had given you to unlock it. You quietly shut the door and moved toward Wednesday’s bed. You approached her sleeping figure and whispered, “Wednesday, wake up.” The girl’s eyes snapped open as she leaned in bed and looked around before her eyes landed on yours. Despite her expressionless face, her eyes had a hint of bewilderment as she shook the sleep from her body.
“What’s going on, Y/N?” She asked with worry laced in her voice as she moved from her bed and gently placed her hands on your forearms.
You smiled at the contact before whispering, “Come on, follow me.” The girl gave you a death glare but got dressed and ready anyways.
“Where are we going?” She questioned as she followed you out of the school and into the woods. Usually, she would not hesitate or ask questions about a midnight adventure, but this was you. You were known for your sporadic activities that usually landed you in weekend detention, which is how you met Wednesday, your girlfriend of four months.
You were in chemistry class and messing around in the lap when you accidentally made a bomb and earned yourself detention. As a punishment, you had to help clean out the greenhouse that belonged to former teacher Marilyn Thornhill when you met Wednesday. She was closed off at first, but when you told her what you got a detention for, she soon revealed that she received one for trying to burn down the sheriff's station.
The two of you bonded over your shared love for the darker arts and soon found yourselves thrown together for detentions, and after a while, the two of you began studying together. You were in desperate need of math help, and to your surprise, Wednesday offered to help you, and she was actually a good teacher. Even though she sometimes threatened to murder you in your sleep, you enjoyed spending time with her.
After a few weeks of studying had passed, you two eventually started hanging out on a more personal level together. Ranging from movie nights together to digging graves; your ‘hangouts’ with Wednesday were everything but boring.
“Word harder,” Wednesday commanded you. The two of you were three feet deep in the grave of a former aristocrat. You both had shovels in your hands, sweat glistened on your faces, and hair stuck to your faces as you two continued your digging. “I’m trying!” You whined as you wiped sweat from your forehead with your forearm. Wednesday had been remarkably eager to get this grave dug up, and it was slightly driving you mad.
This was one of your more formal hangouts with Wednesday, and she wanted to impress you. You usually dug up the graves of farmers or people who might help the goth girl with her cases or novel. You two seldom dug up the graves of rich people, so this was a ‘proper date’ in Wednesday’s eyes.
She didn’t know when she had acquired feelings for you; maybe it was your soft, gentle nature that contradicted everything about her, the way you shared her love for darkness, or the way you never treated her any differently. The only thing she knew was she cared for you far too profoundly than she did other people, and she couldn’t fight her urges to kiss you.
So when your shovel hit against the coffin, you were getting ready to cry out with joy when Wednesday dropped her shovel, grabbed your jaw, and pulled you down into her. “Wednes-” was all you could get out before you felt the goth girl’s soft lips against your own.
It was gentle and slow, exactly how you had imagined kissing Wednesday. Your lips moved together in a slow dance as your hearts beat with anticipation and eagerness, and just as you deepened the kiss, a booming voice called out, “Hey! What are you doing over there?”
You and Wednesday pulled apart and saw the graveyard attendee shining his flashlight on you. You quickly stood out of the grave and helped Wednesday out before running through the cemetery hand in hand as the guard chased you. After leading him on a foot chase, you two left the cemetery and returned to Nevermore.
Stopped just outside the gates of Nevermore, you breathlessly looked over at Wednesday, who seemed to be having an internal battle with herself. She was never one to be short of words; she was a writer, of course, but now, as she stared up at your love-filled eyes, her brain refused to work. So she swallowed her pride and said the first thing that came to her mind: “Die.”
You were completely shocked at her word and were utterly confused; she had kissed you mere moments ago, and now she was telling you to die. “You just had your tongue down my throat, and now you’re telling me to die?” You asked, exaggerating the kiss a little bit.
Wednesday huffed at your words but moved closer and pulled you into a searing kiss once more. Your lips moved together as you kissed the smaller girl back with force, and you moved your hands to wrap around her waist, pulling her against you.
When oxygen became a problem, you pulled back and rested your foreheads together. “Do you still want me to die?” You questioned with a sly smile on your lips. Wednesday kissed the words before grabbing your hand and leading you through the gates, “At this current moment, yes. You make me feel like I am in heaven and hell all at once; I want to shower you with meaningless affections, and at the same time, I want to strangle you,” the goth girl finished speaking as she led you through the halls of Nevermore and up to Ophelia Hall.
She stopped outside her door and studied your face; you had a smile on your lips, and your eyes had a hopeful glint that refused to leave her own. “Meet me at midnight tomorrow at the same grave,” Wednesday spoke quietly before she entered her room and shut the door.
When you returned to the grave the following night, Wednesday had set up a beautiful picnic, and you had to fight back a laugh at the sight: a red checkered cloth on the ground next to a desecrated grave and a straw picnic basket with black dahlias on a vase.
The two of you enjoyed a quiet meal together and occasionally talked about your plans for the next few days. When the meal was finished, you laid back on the blanket and stared up at the stars. There wasn’t a cloud in sight as the stars and moon shined brightly in the open sky. You were so busy in your thoughts that you overlooked Wednesday, who was shifting her weight and lying down next to you. Slowly, she inched her fingers toward your own, and laced your fingers together. You looked over your shoulder and sent the more petite girl a smile that was only reserved for her before letting go of her hand and gently laying your head on her stomach.
The feeling startled Wednesday; she never had someone this close to her, but she welcomed the new feeling. Slowly, she lifted her right hand and gently ran her fingers through your hair and slightly smiled when she heard you sigh in relief. The two of you enjoyed the silence as you stared up at the stars together, not wanting to break the peaceful quiet that had fallen over the cemetery.
“Would you allow me to court you?” Wednesday asked suddenly with a hushed tone as if she spoke any louder, you would disappear into thin air. You moved from Wednesday’s stomach and propped yourself up on your elbow as you lay beside the smaller girl who refused to meet your gaze. “Are you asking me to be your girlfriend?” You asked as you poked Wednesday in the stomach with your free hand.
She scoffed at your words and jabbed you much harder in the stomach before moving her head to look at you. “I am not asking you to be my girlfriend; a question like that is only for small-minded children who don’t understand the concept of romantics and people who have no serious intentions of a relationship. I am asking you if you will allow me to court you,” she stated as her eyes glanced at your lips before returning to your eyes.
“Okay, then. I will allow you to court me,” you said with hearty eyes as you leaned down to place a chaste kiss on Wednesday’s forehead. The smaller girl’s cheeks heated up at the action, and shook off the spiders crawling in her stomach. “Good,” She said as she grabbed your neck and pulled you down to kiss her.
And now, four months later, you pulled Wednesday into a vast forest that surrounded the grounds of Nevermore into the heart of the tranquil forest. It was embraced by the soft embrace of moonlight filtering through the canopy of trees. The leaves rustled gently in the nocturnal breeze, creating a symphony of whispers that echoed through the woods as you dragged Wednesday through the woods.
“Come on, Wednesday, it will be fun,” you begged as you pulled gently on her hand. As the moonlight bathed the foliage, the shadows danced upon the forest floor, alternating between patches of light and darkness. The silver glow cast an ethereal atmosphere, accentuating the natural beauty of the woodland, and Wednesday had to give it to you; this place was breathtaking.
‘It’s like Narnia, but for vampires, it’s breathtaking,’ was your description of the place, and, naturally, Wednesday was suspicious. But now, Wednesday wished she had listened to you sooner, even though she would never admit that.
The air was filled with the fragrance of damp earth and pine, carried by the cool night breeze. The nocturnal creatures stirred in the underbrush, their movements barely audible, adding an aura of mystery to the woodland that only intrigued Wednesday more.
“Here we are,” you said as you led Wednesday to the end of the path with a small, moonlit pond. A large tree was close on the water's edge with an old swing hanging above the glassy-smooth water, as they heard bats fluttering around them. The moonlight reflected off the water and painted the trees a light blue as the moon peeked through the treetops.
Wednesday watched as you removed your shoes and socks and dipped your toes in the water. “Come on, Wens,” you said before you dived into the water, completely clothed. She waited until you resurfaced before scolding, “What is wrong with you? You’re going to catch a cold.”
You scoffed at Wednesday’s words as you swam close to her and slashed her with water, causing her to pick up your shoe and throw it at you. “Hey! Watch it, you little ankle biter,” you exclaimed as you picked your shoe up from the water and slung it back onto the shore, water being flung from it as well.
“Stop calling me false names, Y/N,” Wednesday said as she took off her shoes and socks and sat on the swing, dipping her toes in the chilly water. “And how are you swimming in this water?”
“I’ll stop calling you ‘false names’ when they stop being true,” you reasoned as you swam over to Wednesday and stared at her with hearty eyes. “I thought you liked cold and creepy things, so why aren’t you getting in?”
At your comment, Wednesday kicked her foot and splashed water onto you, and some of it got in your eyes. You let out an exaggerated scream as your hands went to your eyes and began frantically rubbing them. “My eyes! I’m blind!” You screamed out as you swam a couple of feet away from Wednesday.
“Stop being a baby. You deserved it,” Wednesday stated as she continued kicking water at you. You groaned at your girlfriend’s words before shutting your eyes and swimming closer to the girl before grabbing her ankle and pulling her into the water. The more petite girl didn’t even have time to protest before her mouth filled with water, and her screams fell silent in the water as you laughed at her.
She spits out the water that had seeped into her mouth before playfully slapping your arm, “You are insufferable.” You laughed at her words as you swam close and wrapped your arms around her waist, pulling her into you. “Yeah, but you love it,” you replied as you placed a chaste kiss on your girlfriend’s forehead, and she hummed in response.
“That I do, cara mia,” Wednesday whispered as she kissed your lips. You smiled into the kiss, and before you could deepen it, Wednesday pushed your head under the water and held it there. You tried to fight against your girlfriend’s grip, but she was surprisingly strong for her size. You knew that she also had a morbid sense of humor and enjoyed the suffering of others; you didn’t think she would inflict it on you.
Before oxygen became a problem for you, Wednesday pulled you back above the surface and smiled as she watched you suck in breaths. “I hope you have learned your lesson, Y/N,” she said as she slowly drifted away from you and floated on her back.
You scoffed at her words before floating on your back as well. “And what lesson is that supposed to be, Wednesday? To never pull you into water or give you kisses?” You asked as you grabbed Wednesday’s hand and laced your fingers together.
“To think that I would care for such a mundane thing as kisses is absurd; I was referring to your idiotic move of pulling me into the water,” your girlfriend said as she pulled you closer to her; now your shoulders were touching as you two stares up at the starry night.
“Well, if they are so mundane, you better not sneak into my room anymore for late-night make-out sessions while Yoko is out,” you retorted as you looked over at Wednesday, who had a slight frown pulling at her lips of not receiving your kisses anymore.
The past month Wednesday would sneak into your room for help on her ‘kissing techniques,’ and you loved every second of it. You knew that Wednesday just needed an excuse to taste your lips, but you didn’t dare to call her out on it. For Wednesday, once she kissed your lips, she knew she was doomed. The feeling of your soft lips against her own was her lifeline now, and she would surely perish if she went longer than a day without feeling them against hers.
“You wouldn’t dare,” Wednesday dryly stated. You had to bite back a laugh as your girlfriend’s frown grew larger. “You’re right,” you said as you pulled your conjoined hands to your lips and placed a gentle kiss on the back of Wednesday’s hand. The two of you returned to staring at the stars, basking in the silence and love you felt for each other.
After fifteen minutes had passed, you softly said, “I love looking at the stars.” Wednesday hummed at your words; she already knew of your love for them but didn’t quite understand why. “What do you mean?” She asked quietly.
“Looking up at the stars makes me feel small. But in a good way,” you said with a small smile.
“I cannot comprehend that feeling small would make you feel good,” Wednesday commented as she watched you let out a small laugh.
“You’re overthinking it, Wens. Whenever something bothers me, or I get stressed out, I pull back to get some perspective on the world. It all seems kinda silly and pointless when you think about your problems in terms of the cosmos and all the galaxies surrounding us, you know?” You admitted with a slight shrug of your shoulders.
Wednesday took in your words for a few moments before speaking, “I suppose that does make sense.” She knew you loved philosophy and the grand scheme of things, and it’s one of the many things she adored about you. “I admire your love for critical thinking, Y/N. Even though it seems you hardly think at all sometimes,” she joked, and you couldn’t help but laugh at her comment.
“I don’t use my brain all the time because the great powers I have stored away could kill someone,” you said as you gently floated away from Wednesday but pulled on her hand and came crashing into her side. She scoffed at the action but pulled you closer to her; you two enjoyed the silence and the midnight sky as you floated in the cold water.
After enough time in the water, your teeth began chatting, but you didn’t want to ruin this moment. “Let us return to Nevermore before you become completely useless,” Wednesday stated as she let go of your head and swam to the shore. You whined when you lost her hand but grudgingly approached the goth girl.
A few minutes into the walk, you began to shiver, while Wednesday couldn’t be bothered by the cold clothes that clung to her skin. “I told you not to swim in your clothes,” Wednesday warned.
You huffed at her words and wrapped your arms around yourself, desperate for body heat. “Technically, you never told me not to swim in my clothes. You just told me I would catch a cold.”
“And I hope you do,” Wednesday dryly replied. She told you that you would catch a cold, so she smiled to herself when she heard your teeth start to clatter again.
When you two returned to Ophelia Hall, you were nearly frozen to death, while Wednesday couldn’t have been bothered. It drove you mad how the girl seemed indifferent about her soaking wet clothes, but you appreciated how she walked you to your dorm room. “Thank you for coming with me tonight, Wednesday. I had fun with you,” you said through shivering teeth as you rubbed your hands on your arms.
“I also had a pleasant time with you, mon cher,” Wednesday said as she placed a gentle kiss on your lips one last time before going back to her room. She smiled when she heard you cough and sniffle; she knew she would have to take care of you and your illness tomorrow, and she couldn’t wait to rub it in your face.
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saltofmercury · 1 year
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The Garden
Pairing: König x reader
Authors note: this was based on this skin I saw on him I just picture this guy having a garden or being a bee keeper.
"The Garden"
It had started with poppies. Red, orange, and pink. As if it were a routine every Sunday morning he would come in, flowers behind his back, a coffee on the other hand, and kissed you deeply. He would then present his assortment from behind his back.
You gushed at the small bouquet, wrapped in the comic section from the newspaper, colors of the comic making the petals stand out more. It was small things like that, that made you wonder more about him. As secretive as he was about his job, bits and pieces of his true self came out too.
Then, his second attempt was to bring you flowers you’ve never seen before.
Pink orchids, perfect storm hibiscus, ranunculuses, in different shades you couldn’t believe. 
“It’s not my birthday…” you sighed, exhaling in adoration. Surprised by his generosity every time.
“It is for… just because” he smiled, seeing your eyes roam the petals, the smile on your face growing slowly, making his heart melt.
You wondered, what farmers market was he going to that you couldn’t find?
It wasn’t until one weekend that you over welcomed your stay that you uncovered his secret little hobby.
You had woken up, startled that his side of the bed was cold. You huffed, upset that he had gone to the gym. You stretched and slumped down the hallway to get started on breakfast.
Or so you thought.
You saw König through the window in his backyard holding a soil bag over his shoulder, his face covered by a towel, and a bucket hat.
He had been up at six in the morning, dressed in a white t-shirt, denim overalls, and green rain boots. What was he up to?
You walked over to the window, knocked on it. It was so cute seeing him turn around, his face a shade whiter because of the sunscreen cast, then a smile appearing on his face. You waved at him, and he dropped the soil bag, walking over to the door.
“Schatzi… you shouldn’t be up at this hour” 
“It’s 9:30 in the morning…”
“Exactly, it’s way too early for you.”
You scoffed and rolled your eyes.
“I didn’t know you.. tended a garden.”
It was his turn to roll his eyes.
“It’s nothing, I don’t like a messy backyard.”
“Yeah yeah,” you paused, he had taken out many tools, laid out in front of a gate.
“Since when does the military show you how to garden?”
He laughed at you, and swiped a finger on your nose.
“I’ll be done in one hour, and we can go to breakfast.”
You ignored his proposal, wanting to see more of him in action.
“No, let's stay home today, I can eat here, you finish gardening.”
He side eyed you, thankful for not disrupting his hobby, and shrugged.
“Okay schatzi I’ll be outside.” He turned back to his garden.
The entire morning you had watched him bent over, on his knees, poking, prodding, cutting, digging, pulling, planting, watering, and spraying his entire backyard. You sat by the window, sipping your third cup of coffee. He had finished by eleven in the morning, just in time for lunch.
He came in, drenched in sweat, stomping his way to the kitchen. He poured himself a huge glass of water, and proceeded to chug it down.
You had been preparing lunch, eyeing him from the window, waiting for the meat to cook. He had peeked open one of the lids on the stovetop.
“How come you never ask me to help you?”
He had choked on the water, coughing it up, and then regaining composure. 
“Schatz, jesus christ… Announce yourself!” 
He cleaned up the water from his chin, inhaled and exhaled, and came over.
“Help me in what? You mean outside?” He said it surprised, he never told you about the garden, thinking it would be “too feminine” as his father told him as a child. He looked at you nervously.
“Yes outside, I never knew you had a garden! I just knew about your jacuzzi from that one night.”
You weren’t sure if he was turning red or just red from outside, but he had taken the towel off his head, wiping away at his face.
“It’s just my hobby, but if you insist I'll show you.” He sort of had no choice, he was excited to show you this part of him, and for the safety of his garden being picked or prodded at by you, he extended his hand out and guided you outside.
*
You couldn’t keep a plant alive to save your life, you never understood “plant” people constantly buying plants to keep in their home. You remembered your mom having a vine type of plant hanging off the ceiling in your apartment, but that was the extent of your knowledge.
Flowers were about as close as you got to keeping something alive, but happily and greedily letting those die because they had no source of life connected to them.
Now you were walking to the extra plot of land König had saved in his backyard.
What seemed to be bushes of green surrounding the entrance, had mesmerized and lured you in.
There were rows of planter boxes on the ground, silver metal archways inside some of the boxes, vines connected to them. He had small fruit trees in one corner, in the other corner he had plants, actual green plants growing, blooming, and thriving in the sun. 
There was a place and order for his garden, just like his house.
You couldn’t keep a plant alive, but König could probably feed you two through the winter.
He excitedly pulled you around his garden, telling you what he was growing.
“You see, schatzi, this is where I grow my crops. I have some eggplant, tomatoes, broccoli, and small peppers.”
He had pointed to the small crops growing, their colors vibrant, his produce huge just like him. It was outstanding.
He tugged you to another planter box.
“This is where you have your leafy greens. I only do kale and sometimes lettuce here, but I am not a fan of salads.” 
You laughed, the bunches of kale growing a deep shade of green, their leaves crinkled and huge. Some of his lettuce heads had holes in them, probably from pesky critters.
He walked you down to some of the plants he was growing.
“My grandma always liked to grow new life, so this is her corner of the garden.”
Vines, sage bushes, and lavender, growing in one end of his garden, Colorful shades of green, purple, violet, and deep green growing and surrounding this area. The fragrance hit you, reminding you of your childhood. It felt nostalgic, smelling these plants.
He had quietly said,
“All things grow with love and patience.” he paused, “That’s what she used to tell me.” A small reminder that she used to tell him when he was worried next to her in the garden, his plants wouldn’t grow (like him) and they would die.
He brought you to the other corner where he pointed at a couple lifeless trees.
“I hope by December, this little guy will bloom pomegranates.”
“Pomegranates?”
“Yes schatzi, I’ve had so much trouble trying to grow this tree, I saw some improvement last fall, but had only produced maybe four small fruits.”
“They were only four, but they were a brilliant red, and so juicy!”
You heard his determination in his voice, how proud he felt that he grew and produced fruit. It was a side you never seen before, let alone heard. He had touched one of the branches drooping down toward him, he caressed the branch and its leaves, being ever so gentle, and then releasing it, making it wobble up and down.
“Over there are the grapes, they aren’t ready yet, but I promise you by July, we’ll have so many grapes we will be sick of them.”
A jungle of small green grapes had appeared by one of the silver archways he built, tangled in huge leaves and thick vines.
“Wow, you have grapes too?” was all you could say.
He turned his attention towards you, grabbed your hand again and led you to another corner.
He had got nervous, let go of your hand, began cracking his fingers, a nervous fidget he had grown accustomed to when it came to showing you things.
“This corner here… is uh.. Well you know what it is.”
You never thought of König as a romantic, but you think deep down, somewhere at the bottom of his heart is where he hides it, it’s where his love for you has blossomed, pouring love into this small corner of his garden.
The flowers that you never could find, that he always brought to you on Sunday mornings are grown here, in his backyard. This small little garden plot, he had dedicated to you, filled with almost every color imaginable, petals of different shapes, hues of orange, red, yellow, pink, purple, and even blues surrounding you, comforting you.
He peeks over to where you are, his face pooled with admiration and love, when he tells you “This is your corner of the garden.”
“You grew all this for me?”
“Yes.. I did”
He looked like a boy, innocently smiling super big, his hands in his pockets, watching you, take all the colors in.
“I never knew what I would grow for you, but I figured it would be flowers, who doesn’t like flowers.”
You had bit your bottom lip attempting to hide your smile.
“I’ll have sunflowers by summer too. I know you said something about Van Gogh, so I started early last month.”
You smiled, remembering that you were talking about the exhibition of Van Gogh, not the flowers. You turned to him, praising him.
“Thank you, I just, I don't know what to say.” And you didn’t, there wasn’t any grand gestures from him before. Especially in your relationship. Sure he had ordered hundreds of roses when you guys fought, but you think maybe this was his way of showing how much he really did care, giving you your own corner of love.
“So when can I help?”
König’s eyes widened, before peering down at you, bending over to kiss your nose.
“Whenever you want.”
*
Saturday morning you’re standing in his garden again, ready to help him.
He’s slathering on sunscreen, before putting a cool, damp towel on his head, secured by his bucket hat. He then comes to you, rubbing sunscreen on your nose, neck, and ears.
“Schatz I get you like the sun, but trust me, sunburns are painful.”
He knows, after being on a dangerous mission in the desert, taking no precautions how powerful the sun is.
He hands you a basket filled with tools you’ve never seen.
“Ready? It's a two hour work day.”
He leads you to one of the boxes, instructing you to pull the weeds out. 
“These are clovers, they’re good luck.”
“They will sprout white flowers, not good for this area.”
You begin to pull them out, kind of upset. You always liked clovers.
He turns to you again, seeing you pout.
“Come on schatz, clovers are weeds.”
You smiled at him, “but they looked so cute.”
“Did you know my grandma used to tell me stories about clovers?” he looked over at you.
“She used to tell me, ‘little clover bunches bring small creatures from the woods, they’re the ones who steal your crops.’ He looked up at you again, where he was finishing up his own side of the bed.
“And… when you see a circle of mushrooms it’s fairies, coming to keep you awake at night, which is why we must pick them out.”
You two had finished the bed, working on the other two, then watering the beds.
He looked so at peace here, tending to his garden. He looked like he had possibly been a farmer in Austria, with all the extensive knowledge he told you about soil, plants, which things to grow when, and how much water everything needed. He turned to face you,
“you just turned three different shades of red in the last 5 minutes… did you reapply?”
“No…”
“Go reapply and i’ll show you how to water your corner.”
You stomped to the porch again, slathering on sunscreen, then came back.
He pointed the hose at you, then showed you which dial to use on it.
“See, if you go to this one, it won't ruin your petals, just give it a nice mist.”
He modeled it for you, then gave you the hose. “Gentle schatz, these are your flowers.”
You sprayed lightly over the rainbow of flowers, hoping you weren’t going to drown them, or worst case scenario, kill them. Once finished, he asked you for help on the arch trellis.
“Arch trellis?”
“This arch right here.” He pointed to the silver metal arch you had seen last week.
“With this, I think I’ll be able to have the grapes hang over for easier access this summer”
You two worked, untangling and tangling the vines into the arch, being so careful because the grapes were still in their early season to mess with. Then let the small green grapes hang, cutting off a few big leaves.
You had enjoyed it, you didn’t expect to be left on a high helping pull out weeds, water some flowers, or untangle some vines. He picked up his equipment, held out his hand, and walked inside. 
The fatigue of being in the sun all morning weighed on you as soon as you entered the house. He placed his tools in the sink, then took off his clothes. He plopped himself on the couch, pulling you in.
“This can be our hobby, you know, I have many things to show you.”
You had been undressing yourself too, to just your underwear, then plopped right onto him. Both of you sticky from the sun.
Excitement filled your stomach, ready to help him with anything.
“Whenever you’re ready to start”
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molotovgirl45 · 3 months
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sdv Sebastian x Reader headcanons
This is my first Tumblr post, and I thought I could start off with some simple head canons for Sebastian in year 1. Honestly part of me could see an entirely different approach, and I'll honestly do multiple of these lol. Anyways, i hope you guys enjoy this as much as I did!♡
I feel like when he meets you for the first time, he's slightly dazed when looking at you. but he doesn't really know why. It takes him a while to even realize he's attracted to you, since he isn't the most experienced with handling his emotions.
Randomly in spring, he turns on the flower dance music and pretends as if hes dancing witn you. He does it infront of a mirror, continuing to become increasingly frustrated when he can't get it right
Days before the flower dance Abigail and Sam will be hanging out at Sam's place when they realize he has a crush on the farmer, so they end up teasing him and trying to convince him to ask the farmer to be his dance partner. As much as he protests, they still end up helping him get ready and everything. Including, Abigail showing him how to actually dance and how to compliment you without sounding condescending or perverted.
As much as he doesn't want to admit it, he took hours getting ready before the dance, trying to look good for you. Robin notices him actually wanting to dress up this year and teases him thoroughly.
At the dance, when you arrive, Abigail and Sam hype him up to go talk to you as you talk with Pierre. As he walks up to you, he dusts the invisible dust of his shoulders and sees if his hair looks okay. And as he waits for your attention, he just looks absolutely breath taken. Like your beauty just blew the wind out of him.
When he asks you, he occasionally looks back at Abigail and Sam for reassurance. >///<
( this is a more game-based head canon ) You visit him so often, that in the mornings he starts to wait for you, hoping you will drop in that day. And also ends up not eating lunch in case you bring him a plate of sashimi like you usually do. When you dont it doesn't bother him that much, he just ends up missing you.
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When you hear "fintech," think "unlicensed bank"
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Tomorrow (May 2) I’ll be in Portland at the Cedar Hills Powell’s with Andy Baio for my new novel, Red Team Blues.
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In theory, patents are for novel, useful inventions that aren’t obvious “to a skilled practitioner of the art.” But as computers ate our society, grifters began to receive patents for “doing something we’ve done for centuries…with a computer.” “With a computer”: those three words had the power to cloud patent examiners’ minds.
If you’d like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here’s a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:
https://pluralistic.net/2023/05/01/usury/#tech-exceptionalism
Patent trolls — who secure “with a computer” patents and then extract ransoms from people doing normal things on threat of a lawsuit — are an underappreciated form of “tech exceptionalism.” Normally, “tech exceptionalism” refers to bros who wave away things like privacy invasions by arguing that “with a computer” makes it all different.
These tech exceptionalists are the legit face of tech exceptionalism, the Forbes 30 Under 30 set. They’re grifters, but they’re celebrated grifters. There’s a whole bottom-feeding sludge of tech exceptionalists that don’t get the same kind of attention, like patent trolls.
Oh, and the fintech industry.
As Riley Quinn says, “when you hear ‘fintech,’ think: ‘unlicensed bank.’” The majority of fintech “innovation” consists of adding “with a computer” to highly regulated activities and declaring them to be unregulated (and, in the case of crypto, unregulatable).
There are a lot of heavily regulated financial activities, like dealing in securities (something the crypto industry is definitely doing and claims it isn’t). Most people don’t buy or sell securities regularly — indeed, most Americans own little or no stocks.
But you know what regulated financial activity a lot of Americans participate in?
Going into debt.
As wages stagnate and the price of housing, medical care, childcare, transportation and education soar, Americans fund their consumption with debt. Trillions of dollars’ worth of debt. Many of us are privileged to borrow money by walking into a bank and asking for a loan, but millions of Americans are denied that genteel experience.
Instead, working Americans increasingly rely on payday lenders and other usurers who charge sky-high interest rates, on top of penalties and fees, trapping borrowers in an endless cycle of indebtedness. This is an historical sign of a civilization in decline: productive workers require loans to engage in useful activities. Normally, the activity pans out — the crop comes in, say — and the debt is repaid.
But eventually, you’ll get a bad beat. The crop fails, the workshop burns down, a pandemic shuts down production. Instead of paying off your debt, you have to roll it over. Now, you’re in an even worse situation, and the next time you catch a bad break, you go further into debt. Over time, all production comes under the control of creditors.
The historical answer to this is jubilee: a regular wiping-away of all debt. While this was often dressed up in moral language, there was an absolutely practical rationale for it. Without jubilee, eventually, all the farmers stop growing food so that they can grow ornamental flowers for their creditors’ tables. Then, as starvation sets in, civilization collapses:
https://pluralistic.net/2022/07/08/jubilant/#construire-des-passerelles
As the debt historian Michael Hudson says, “Debts that can’t be paid, won’t be paid.” Without jubilee, indebtedness becomes a chronic and inescapable condition. As more and more creditors attach their claims to debtors’ assets, they have to compete with one another to terrorize the debtor into paying them off, first. One creditor might threaten to garnish your paycheck. Another, to repossess your car. Another, to evict you from your home. Another, to break your arm. Debts that can’t be paid, won’t be paid — but when you have a choice between a broken arm and stealing from your kid’s college fund or the cash-register, maybe the debt can be paid…a little. Of course, digital tools offer all kinds of exciting new tools for arm-breakers — immobilizing your car, say, or deleting the apps on your phone, starting with the ones you use most often:
https://pluralistic.net/2021/04/02/innovation-unlocks-markets/#digital-arm-breakers
Under Trump, payday lenders romped through America. A lobbyist for the payday lenders became a top Trump lawyer:
https://theintercept.com/2017/11/27/white-house-memo-justifying-cfpb-takeover-was-written-by-payday-lender-attorney/
This lobbyist then oversaw Trump’s appointment of a Consumer Finance Protection Bureau boss who deregulated payday lenders, opening the door to triple digit interest rates:
https://www.latimes.com/business/lazarus/la-fi-lazarus-cfpb-payday-lenders-20180119-story.html
To justify this, the payday loan industry found corruptible academics and paid them to write papers defending payday loans as “inclusive.” These papers were secretly co-authored by payday loan industry lobbyists:
https://www.washingtonpost.com/business/2019/02/25/how-payday-lending-industry-insider-tilted-academic-research-its-favor/
Of course, Trump doesn’t read academic papers, so the payday lenders also moved their annual conference to a Trump resort, writing the President a check for $1m:
https://www.propublica.org/article/trump-inc-podcast-payday-lenders-spent-1-million-at-a-trump-resort-and-cashed-in
Biden plugged many of the cracks that Trump created in the firewalls that guard against predatory lenders. Most significantly, he moved Rohit Chopra from the FTC to the CFPB, where, as director, he has overseen a determined effort to rein in the sector. As the CFPB re-establishes regulation, the fintech industry has moved in to add “with a computer” to many regulated activities and so declare them beyond regulation.
One fintech “innovation” is the creation of a “direct to consumer Earned Wage Access” product. Earned Wage Access is just a fancy term for a program some employers offer whereby workers can get paid ahead of payday for the hours they’ve already worked. The direct-to-consumer EWA offers loans without verifying that the borrower has money coming in. Companies like Earnin claim that their faux EWA services are free, but in practice, everyone who uses the service pays for the “Lightning Speed” upsell.
Of course they do. Earnin charges sky-high interest rates and twists borrowers’ arms into leaving a “tip” for the service (yes, they expect you to tip your loan-shark!). Anyone desperate enough to pay triple-digit interest rates and tip the service for originating their loan is desperate and needs to the money now:
https://prospect.org/power/05-01-2023-fintech-ewa-payday-loan-scam/
EWA annual interest rates sit around 300%. The average EWA borrower uses the service two or three times every month. EWA CEOs and lobbyists claim that they’re banking the unbanked — but the reality is that they’re acting as sticky-fingered brokers between banks and young, poor workers, marking up traditional bank services.
This fact is rarely mentioned when EWA companies lobby state legislatures seeking to be exempted from usury rules that are supposed to curb predatory lenders. In Vermont, Earnin wants an exemption from the state’s 18% interest rate cap — remember, the true APR for EWA loans is about 300%.
In Texas, payday lenders are classed as loan brokers, not loan originators and are thus able to avoid the state’s usury caps. EWAs are lobbying the Texas legislature for further exemptions from state money-transmitter and usury limit laws, principally on the strength of the “it’s different: we do it with a computer” logic.
But as Jarod Facundo writes for The American Prospect, quoting Monica Burks from the Center for Responsible Lending, a loan is a loan even if it’s with a computer: “The industry is trying to create a new definition for what a loan is in order to exempt themselves from existing consumer protection laws… When you offer someone a portion of money on the promise that they will repay it, and often that repayment will be accompanied with fees or charges or interest, that’s what a loan is.”
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Catch me on tour with Red Team Blues in Mountain View, Berkeley, Portland, Vancouver, Calgary, Toronto, DC, Gaithersburg, Oxford, Hay, Manchester, Nottingham, London, and Berlin!
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[Image ID: A stately, columnated bank building, bedecked in garish payday lender signs.]
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Image: Andre Carrotflower (modified) https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:30_North_%28former_Pontiac_Commercial_%26_Savings_Bank_Building%29,_Pontiac,_Michigan_-_entrance_and_Chief_Pontiac_relief_sculpture_-_20201213.jpg
CC BY-SA 4.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0/deed.en
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sophiewith7es · 10 months
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some of my six of crows modern headcanons xx
nina and inej are taylor swift and phoebe bridgers best friends
inej is vegan and i will not be explaining myself
matthias’ snapchat username is matthiashelvqr but jesper’s is animal_loverjes123 because he made it when he was nine
wylan is scared of planes but not helicopters
jesper is scared of helicopters but not planes
nina and inej listened to midnights together when it was first released
jesper got matthias into star wars
jesper loves the prequels and clone wars, matthias prefers the original trilogy and rogue one
both nina and jespers first bi panic was watching pirates of the caribbean
kaz has a secret fear of escalators so he always takes the stairs even though it actively causes him more pain
kaz and wylan watch criminal minds together in silence, but they both say the line about tracy lambert together
matthias falls asleep to animal documentaries narrated by david attenborough
inej jesper and nina are big greys anatomy fans
wylan’s first crush was teenage simba
matthias plays rugby
they have a book club (audiobook for wylan)
they read the acotar series and all had vastly different opinions
nina was an avid zoella watcher
kaz doesnt pay for any streaming services but has all of them anyway, jesper also doesn’t pay but uses everyone elses
matthias pays for the netflix account though
him and nina share one profile and everyone else has their own profile
nina cried when they took new girl off netflix
kaz says he prefers dc over marvel just to cause conflict
jesper read percy jackson growing up and still has the same battered copies he read as a kid in his room no matter where he lives
nina was a harry potter reading child and also still has her original copies of the books
HARRY POTTER REWATCH MOVIE NIGHTS!!!!
wylan is a secret marauders stan
nina jesper inej and wylan are all marauders era fans but wylan is soooo much worse
wesper = wolfstar
jesper’s favourite movie is the breakfast club
kaz says his favourite movie is fight club but it’s actually fantastic mr fox
kaz follows six people on instagram: inej and all the members of one direction
he does that to piss the others off
jesper went viral on tik tok one time
matthias loves oasis (both the band and the drink)
nina fought for eras tour tickets and managed to get them all tickets
kaz is going as reputation (his usual attire) jesper as lover, wylan as evermore, inej as speak now (she got the speak now dress), matthias as debut (they got him a cowboy hat) and nina as red.
matthias secretly cried over the how to train your dragon ending
matthias and inej read a lot of classics and share their collection, they both annotate the books as well and enjoy seeing what the other has written
kaz has a do not disturb sign on his bedroom door like in a hotel and puts it on the door handle even when he’s not in there
kaz is weirdly good with technology
jesper collects mugs
kaz and inej steal pint glasses from pubs
when inej and nina listened nothing new on red(tv) they lost their minds
kaz loves boygenius
matthias and wylan love modern family, wylan’s favourite character is gloria and matthias’ is jay
jesper loves formula 1 and its the only sport he’ll watch
nina and matthias play animal crossing together
kaz terrors jesper on terraria
when they play minecraft functionally, inej is the builder, jesper is the farmer, matthias and wylan mine, kaz has netherite armour in like half an hour and nina collects flowers and tames animals
when they play minecraft disfunctionally they just blow shit up
kaz plays the guitar
inej DEVOURED the cruel prince series
zoya and genya are nina’s foster/adoptive sisters
wylan is scared of clowns and is like that one episode of new girl when nick has to go into the haunted house
whenever jesper does something stupid or doesnt do something or whatever he says ‘#yolo’ and moves on and it drives kaz insane
jesper has muggies of everyone
inej takes 0.5 pictures of everyone when theyre sleeping without them knowing
matthias loves the hunger games series
kaz regularly predicts major global events
wylan loves breaking bad
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muckleberryjam · 8 months
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There's no denying that Cottage Living is my favourite pack, so it was only a matter of time that I made over Kim. She's so sweet and, in my head, very Welsh.
Funnily enough, I always want to type Kim Woodburn instead of Kim Goldbloom, but that'd be a very different lookbook...
kim wears • half up, plait and hair down (@simstrouble)
farmers market • shirt & vest (@rustys-cc) • skirt (ea horse ranch) • necklace (@whisterias) • bracelet (@magic-bot) • shoes (@jius-sims)
gardner's world • dungarees (brianitesims) • hat (@solistair)
ciggies at dawn, or: get off my land • nightie (@serenity-cc) • cardigan (marigold) • socks (@kismet-sims) • slippers (@jius-sims)
lily of the valley girl • dress (@gilded-ghosts) • earrings (@christopher067) • necklace (@simandy) • shoes (@ridgeport)
blush response • dress (@serenity-cc) • flowers (@oydis) • necklace (@arethabee)
tfw your sock rolls down into your shoe • jacket (@dogsill) • jeans (@rustys-cc) • hat (@serenity-cc) • shirt collar (@liliili-sims4) • necklace (@diosasims) • socks (ea basegame) • shoes (@darte77)
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infini-tree · 8 months
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walks in. ponifies the characters. walks out
(+ some notes)
the kids' ponified names are just based on Vibes/keeping the same first letters as the original. i kept playing with the idea that the "Heart" part of pony!harold's name should be a compound word, to keep the same number of syllables as Hutchins, but i already broke the "same syllable count" rule with george, so Heart it will stay
the kids' cutie mark is just as straightforward. melvin's is science-y, while george and harold are meant to parallel each other-- at least with the 'pencil drawing part of the cutie mark' motif. the spiral in george's is me being a bit cheeky.
why is it every time i do an au that's more of a design challenge than anything with a concrete plot, george just is the hypno-ring that made krupp cu /j
krupp and captain was the most difficult out of all of them to design since if i had to design one of them, it had to be fitting for the other too. the more natural colors (in comparison to the others) was meant to be more of a reflection of krupp's character, but the neutral color palette also worked for captain too so his accessories popped.
the coat pattern was also there to make sure he doesn't seem too monotonous, but then i learned about horse coat patterns-- specifically blanket patterns... that basically meant captain's underpants is just built into both their coats. its less obvious on krupp since he has a shirt (blue now, since white on white wouldn't look good).
as for krupp's ponified name, it was also a similar struggle since there were no K words that fit his vibe. it was initially "Key" for the longest time (read as: i had to sleep on it), but i decided on "Keeper" since it still evoked that trapping feeling, but it could have more positive connotations in a... protector/caretaker/teacher sort of way.
as for the "Bantam" part, i had wanted to keep a similar enough word to "ben". and having it be shortened to "Ban Keeper" was too good to pass up. bantam is a kind of chicken (which fits krupp's farm past as established in tetocu), but bantam also meant "small and feisty person", which krupp is. but is also what the children he's "keeping" are.
so basically you can read krupp's name as "keeper/caretaker of unruly kids [in detention]", "controlling one's unruly nature", or "farmer keeper", which i personally think is fun
don't worry about krupp hiding his cutie mark! its fine. he's fine.
captain is captain! you know him. you love him. he has changeling motifs due to the nature of the "radiation". apparently, characters gaining radiation/magic based wings and horns are a thing that happened in G5, which i didn't know until recently, so funny coincidences.
captain's cutie mark is underpantyworld. his cutie mark is different from krupp (stares at the changeling motifs)
edith, thankfully was straightforward. her ponified name is just a food name, specifically a type of cheese. her cutie mark is a ladle with some sparkles around it. i changed her dress to just a shirt, and her gloves to be some galosh sort of deal.
and as a bonus since you can pry alien!edith from my cold dead hands, there's a bonus reformed changeling form since that's the closest thing to aliens in this world! "Stemmata" is a type of insect eye, to fit in with the changeling naming convention of naming them after bug body parts, but also eyes because of the whole Two Blue Eyes thing. she was originally supposed to be called "Ocellus", but there's already a character that exists with that name...
i imagine edith defecting from a small hive and accidentally unlocking her reformed form, and she thinks she can't go back even if she wanted to so she just kinda... stays,
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sillybucket · 9 months
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“Warm in the cold” { Haley x g/n reader }
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I know there are many different opinions about Haley but I honestly really like her , especially her character development : I love the way she becomes a better person the more the player gets close to her , so I eventually felt inspired to write something for her :D
As always I apologize for possible ooc moments , and if someone already wrote about something similar know it’s not my intention to copy anyone !
🍃 Warnings 🍃 : none , this is just pure fluff featuring Haley keeping company to the Farmer on a winter day … oh by the way , in this story they’ve been married for a few years :) ❤️
❄️ . ❄️ . ❄️ . ❄️ . ❄️ . ❄️ . ❄️ . ❄️ . ❄️ . ❄️ . ❄️ .
(Y/n) took a deep breath , staring at the snowflakes dancing in the cold winter breeze :
they had decided to spend the day fishing at the Cindersap Forest just below the Farm , however after spending so many hours out there they were starting to feel tired , a bit sleepy even , and the calming silence of the woods , interrupted only by the sound of the river’s water , didn’t help much .
The Farmer shook their head , trying to stay focused , but right when they were about to use the fishing pole to catch one more fish they heard a familiar voice behind them …
“There you are honey , I was wondering where you went !”
(Y/n) turned around to see Haley with two cups of hot chocolate in her hand , her long blonde hair fluttering in the wind . They knew how much she couldn’t stand the cold , and the fact that she decided to walk all the way there just to see them made them smile …
“Hi sweetie , sorry , I was just finishing some work and ended up staying here longer than expected …
How has your day been ? I remember you told me you wanted to spend some time with Emily today .”
, they replied while putting away the fishing pole .
“Oh that’s right , Em wanted to show me some new outfit ideas she had during the week , she even offered me to help her sew a dress , it was fun !”
While enthusiastically explaining all that she and her sister had done Haley stepped forward , handing one of the warm cups to (y/n) who gladly accepted the offer .
They looked at their wife with a loving smile , listening to her every word while occasionally taking little sips of hot chocolate …
The first time they had arrived in Pelican Town (y/n) and Haley didn’t exactly get along right away , given just how different they were from each other : actually Haley considered them to be quite a strange individual , and she just couldn’t help but wonder how could they possibly enjoy working on a boring farm all day .
But the more time she spent with them the more fascinated she was by them , and whenever she saw (y/n) walking towards her with a gift meant just for her Haley could feel her heart beating faster and an inexplicable joy that made her long to be by their side . Now that two years had passed and they were happily married , the love they felt for each other had only continued to grow more and more as the days went by …
When she finished talking Haley shivered , looking at the now almost completely dark sky .
“God , it’s so cold out here at this hour … maybe we should go home .”
(Y/n) nodded in agreement , and before their wife could say anything they gently picked her up and started walking on the path while holding her in their arms , the snowflakes still falling down all around them .
“Wh - (y/n) ?”
, Haley exclaimed , surprised by the sudden gesture .
“I have to keep you warm Haley , can’t risk to have you get sick because you chose to come see me … it’s really the least I could do for my sweetheart .”
As they leaned forward to kiss her forehead Haley let out a giggle , a little blush appearing on her cheeks …
“You’re always so corny …”
She sighed , not even feeling cold anymore as she stared into her partner’s beautiful eyes …
“… I really love that about you .”
❄️ . ❄️ . ❄️ . ❄️ . ❄️ . ❄️ . ❄️ . ❄️ . ❄️ . ❄️ . ❄️ .
Thank you so much for reading this little story until the end ! :D
Feel free to leave some feedback if you want :) ❤️
( btw I don’t think hot chocolate is even an existing item in-game , but since it’s my favorite winter beverage I wanted to insert it somewhere ;c;👍 )
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