#and my dad keeps denying the fact that i’m a lesbian like he will not give it up

[nancylou444]

I tried to be nice

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Became this:

THEM:  hi! thanks for the answers I really appreciate the discussion. normally if someone ships something I don’t like or something like that, I’ll just leave them alone but.. just to be clear I completely respect all of your opinions, even agree with some of them, even if we might disagree on the incest and Castiel haha. So I don’t mean any disrespect with this at all, please let me know if I’m out of line though!  

 But... I saw some things you said, and they come across to me in a way that I don’t think you intended? I feel really awkward sending this haha, you’re very nice and I don’t think you said anything on purpose, but I just.. wanted to let you know that some of the things regarding your opinion on certain characters come across not very well? I don’t think it’s intentional or anything, and I don’t mean to call you out at all which is why I didn’t want to point it out in the replies y’know?  

 Don’t get me wrong though, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with not liking castiel or destiel. I’ve been watching the show for a while with my dad, and he isn’t a huge fan either, I don’t think that’s a problem :) 

I’d continue without waiting for a response but I don’t want to say something you’ve already been told, or continue without knowing if I’ve said something out of line already 😅

ME:  I'm kind of distracted dealing with my Mom's rehab center. But you can keep going.

THEM: Alright! I’ve tried rephrasing this a million times but I don’t know how to make it seem not antagonistic. I promise I don’t mean that you’re doing it intentionally, it’s just, uh a lot of your criticism of spn feels like it could be read as homophobic? Again I don’t think YOU are I just wanted you to know it kind of reads that way!

That sounded so confrontational. I really don’t mean it that way 😭

ME: HOMOPHOBIC? Really? A lot of the 'proof' your fellow shippers use border on stereotypes but you think I'M homophobic? Considering my top two ships are Wincest and Malec. Yeah, sounds confrontational.

THEM:  I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. I guess there’s no other way to say it, but I understand why you feel accused. What do you mean by proof..?

Also I don’t really think having gay ships means you can’t be homophobic. *I* used to be homophobic years ago, and I’m a gay person!

ME:  How old are you? https://nancylou444.tumblr.com/post/154098904136/a-guide-to-dean-winchesters-imaginary-bisexuality

THEM:  yeah this is starting to get frustrating. I’m gonna be real with you, why does it matter if people think dean is bisexual? like, bottom line, that is my question for you

and your answer will determine if your veracity is homophobic. why does it matter that some people think dean is bisexual. not the fans or actors or writers or anything. why does it matter that some viewers will watch, and they will think dean is bisexual?

ME:  My problem isn't that some people think he is bi IN FANON, my problem is that they want CONFIRMATION OF A FANON SHIP. And that some people DENY how the show ended. These same people think that fake weddings are more canon than the FINAL EPISODE.

THEM:  I get what you mean, but how is it a fanon ship when it’s confirmed romantic from one side, and interpretable as mutually reciprocated in Latin America? (I’m going to disregard the bit about the wedding, because I’m a firm believer in Neil Gaiman variety death of the author. Also that’s just people having fun with fanon, who cares?)

ME:  Confirmed romantic?By whom MISHA, who wanted to sell necklaces? Have you never said 'i love you' to a FRIEND or FAMILY member? The dub is not canon, so don't even try using that as proof. Death of the author is just another way of saying MY VIEW OF THE SHOW IS SUPERIOR TO HOW THE CREATOR WANTS TO SEE IT. Jensen has said many times that the ship isn't canon and that Dean is straight. But it's better to believe what Misha says because he agrees with you. You think somebody is bi because of how they sit or the color clothes they wear? That would make YOU homophobe.

THEM:  LOL You know what? I change my answer. I looked through your blog and you ACTIVELY and viscously hate Cas, Charlie, Claire, Kaia and the implication that Jack may not be straight. You’ve said Cas coming out as gay and in love with dean makes the rest of his actions predatory, compared him to a teenage girl, called him creepy, and openly rejoiced in your idea that dean looked ‘disgusted with him’. You said that Claire is awful, that Kaia is a wooden plank, that they ‘shoved them together’ for ‘woke points’ and said that Jody saying Claire was IN LOVE WITH Kaia ‘doesnt count’ and called it ‘lip service’. And it doesn’t end there! After all this, you said that you preferred the old better s4 Claire. Is it because she was ostensibly straight? Are you uncomfortable with queer women? And then you have the audacity to use these characters (Claire and Kaia and Charlie) as reasons to epicly own the Hellers and claim they already have represention. You are a completely disingenuous bitch and I don’t care to be nice to you anymore! I don’t feel AT ALL charitable toward you anymore, and I don’t care if you have gay ships. Gay people aren’t here for you to fetishize! You CONSTANTLY mock and ridicule jokes made by queer people regarding deans bisexuality or Cas being gay or any number of things. You constantly reaffirm that Dean is straight and call people who think otherwise delusional and disgusting, while you think dean is in romantic sexual love with his male sibling. You are openly hostile to the idea of non-binary jack and were pissed that Alcal endorsed that. You devalue Jack’s value and relationship to Cas who is, textually, his father figure. I have NO reason not to think that you are homophobic. I don’t care anymore! You’re a huge bitch and, judging by your prior responses and posts, a genuine dialogue regarding queerness in spn is impossible. You regard any instance of canonically queer moments ‘lip service’ and so regard it. You actively hate every canonically gay character and degrade them using traditionally homophobic tropes and stereotypes.

Feel free to explain how you aren’t homophobic. I’m so sorry if I got the wrong impression.

ME: Wow I see your true colors have come out HELLER.

THEM:  Idc if you think I’m mean. Go ahead and make a post about me lol, have fun with it. Give me a moment to respond to your paragraph it’s... a lot to dissect.

I’ll touch on your comments about the dub and the Spanish language in a moment. First though

I ’m gonna be real with you, I don’t think you know what death of the author is. Neil Gaiman’s variety of the dead author principal is that once canon ends, the story belongs to those that consume and engage with it. That’s... also literally the theme of supernaturals final season. Anyway I really recommend you read up on death of the author and Neil Gaiman’s takes on fanon. It’s a fun way to consume your media, and in the end that’s what I’m here for.

I don’t care what Misha says, and I don’t care what Jensen says! I think they are both queer because I have eyes and watched the show. I think it’s a lovely narrative that is supported by canon, and it’s fine if you disagree with that

On your last sentence there... lol. It’s a common joke in queer circles that gays can’t sit properly, specifically bisexuals. Same thing with the clothing, it’s a SUPER common joke for example that lesbians wear flannel. Maybe you need to go outside and talk to some normal, non-incest shipping queer people. But what do I know!

And finally... ‘the Spanish dub isnt canon’

I am literally cuban. My first language is SPANISH. my entire household speaks Spanish, and my family past 1st cousins don’t speak any English. My Boricua cousins have watched supernatural in full for years, and they watch it in Spanish. Do you think America is the center of the universe? Do you think our media is somehow less than yours, that our interpretations of English language media isn’t valid? What, do you think we are idiots who don’t know how to analyze literature and media? Do you think the people who work at Telemundo, people employed as dubbers and translators, you think they do a worse job than the American crew?

Why, because they aren’t American or don’t speak English? ‘Te amo’ said to a non family member is, in 99% of any instance, ROMANTIC. it’s something you say to your spouse in serious situations like weddings!! Even MARRIED people don’t normally say te amo, everyone uses te quiero unless it is very serious or romantic in context.

All of my family who are Spanish language, they heard dean say ‘y a yo ti, cas’ and think that they were in romantic love. Sorry dude! The United States might be the center of your universe, but Latin America is HUGE. Spanish is one of the most spoken languages in the WORLD. In fact, more people speak Spanish than English. Sorry that you seem to hate gay characters SO MUCH you have to say an entire language somehow isn’t valid to consume media in!

ME: 

Obviously this heller is batshit crazy. 

Some of those things she thinks I said just show she has no idea how to follow a tumblr thread. 

You are a completely disingenuous bitch and I don’t care to be nice to you anymore! I don’t feel AT ALL charitable toward you anymore, and I don’t care if you have gay ships. Gay people aren’t here for you to fetishize! You CONSTANTLY mock and ridicule jokes made by queer people regarding deans bisexuality or Cas being gay or any number of things. You constantly reaffirm that Dean is straight and call people who think otherwise delusional and disgusting, while you think dean is in romantic sexual love with his male sibling.

Wow. 

I have NO reason not to think that you are homophobic. I don’t care anymore! You’re a huge bitch and, judging by your prior responses and posts, a genuine dialogue regarding queerness in spn is impossible. You regard any instance of canonically queer moments ‘lip service’ and so regard it. You actively hate every canonically gay character and degrade them using traditionally homophobic tropes and stereotypes.

Where have I hated canon gay characters and degraded them using tropes and stereotypes? The bitch has me confused with HER FELLOW SHIPPERS. 

Gotta love how she is defending the Spanish dub. Hit a nerve did I? 

It’s a common joke in queer circles that gays can’t sit properly, specifically bisexuals. Same thing with the clothing, it’s a SUPER common joke for example that lesbians wear flannel. Maybe you need to go outside and talk to some normal, non-incest shipping queer people.

Now who is using stereotypes? 

#destiehellers #batshit crazy #your headcanon doesn't mean shit dean is straight #dub doesn't make it canon

[saurosapient]

Dropping info about my AT OCs here (this will update sometimes)

All come from an AU where the Gravital invasion is stopped beforehand by the Asteromorphs. The New Machines and Terrestrials both still exist exist under the watchful eye of the Asteromorphs, but New Machines can leave to other stars with a permit.

DENYS

> Saurosapient male, in human years he’d be about 25. Probably trans. If so, he goes stealth. Spiny variant. 

> A minor scientist who researches evolutionary history and ocean life. He grew up in the Saurian city with the highest concentration of Star People ruins, and has dedicated his life to his research. 

> Light-hearted and humorous, but bad at actual conversation. He has echolalia and tends to repeat phrases over and over. Can space lizards be autistic? Fuck it. I’m autistic, so my damn lizard can be as well. I make the rules. 

> Infodumps about his findings to anyone who’s mildly interested. 

> Poor eyesight and a lack of natural depth perception; needs glasses. Nearly blind in one eye, but not to the same extent as Pierce. 

> Overly dramatic and flashy. Imagine those “oh? you kick miette across the ROOM?” cats, but as a fully sapient reptile. That’s Denys. 

> Closest to his online friends and his mom. Legitimately considering putting his consciousness and DNA into an automated machine to send to one of his friends’ planets. 

> God. He’s gay. 

PIERCE

> Killer Folk male, in human years he’d be about 30. Definitely trans and not stealth at all. Common variant.

> He used to spar with other Killer Folk for fame and fortune, known as “the Crimson Beast” due to the fact his hair was always dyed completely red at the time. One day, however, a rival accidentally scratched his eye out due to the mandated claw caps for legal sparring getting loose and falling off mid-match. 

> Since losing his eye, he’s had some balance issues and a lack of depth perception due to his other eye being completely gone and scarred over. He’s doing just fine though, and has learned to rely more on scent.

> Has grown out of his “Crimson Beast” persona, taking a more mellow approach to life. He only keeps the tips of his hair red now, and he makes his own hair dye which is acclaimed across the stars. He shares recipes online for a small fee so they can also be made on other planets. 

> Longtime internet/radio friends with Caecil. 

> Incredibly heavy smoker. He spent a good chunk of his Crimson Beast money on tobacco-resistang prosthetic lungs. This seems to stem from unknown childhood trauma, as Caecil says that the first time they saw Pierce talk about smoking was when they were both at the age of human elementary schoolers.

> His three eye scars are from the incident during sparring, and his other facial scar comes from a childhood incident. The scars on his chest are from top surgery.

> Doesn’t associate with any members of his family. Closest to his old sparring rivals, Caecil, and his little sister. He is very, very protective of his loved ones.

> Bi, uninterested in relationships at the moment.

CAECIL

> Nonbinary Snake Person, any pronouns. Mostly uses he/him and they/them. Would be 27 in human years. Deep underground variant, resulting in ghostly pale skin.

> He was born with multiple mutations. For starters, their body is completely incapable of making any body hair. The most striking aspect of him is the fact he has two extra ears, but these are completely cosmetic skin flaps that don’t have any ear canals. His hearing is not impacted, but the extra space taken up has weakened his jaw considerably. He cannot eat harder foods. 

> As a child, they had a strapped harness under his jaw to support it. Even though they were bullied sometimes for it, he grew to like it, eventually creating his own that forms a beak. 

> Even more agoraphobic than the average Snake Person. He only ever leaves his house to get groceries, buying in excessive bulk so he doesn’t have to go to the store again for at least a month. He orders his medicine and video games online.

> Chronically ill, this played a huge part in spiking his agoraphobia growing up. His family, friends, and especially Pierce support him however. Due to this, he’s constantly very fatigued. 

> They make their money by streaming video games, often with Pierce as a guest. Also does light drugs as a hobby.

> Closest to his mom, stepdad, brother, and Pierce. He talks to his biological father from time to time but not super often. His biological father also has four ears.

> Asexual but romantically likes men, considers themselves toric. Has had a crush on Pierce since childhood. He will never say anything since they think Pierce is far too cool for them. 

LIPARIS

> Cis lesbian Sail Person, she/her. Would be 19 in human years. Winter variant.

> Has a New Machine girlfriend who she loves very much! She lives with her by the beach. 

> Raised by her mother growing up. Her dad was always out hunting, and when he came back home, he’d always be blackout drunk to the point Liparis would lock herself up in her room and not come back until her dad left to hunt again. Her dad was even more violent than the average Sail Person, and her mom eventually left him when she was in her teens and raised her alone.

> Watched Pierce on TV back when he was still fighting. Growing up without much of a dad, she looked up to him as a male role model, despite never meeting him.

> Has a bad habit of oversharing, sometimes to the point of driving people away. She can only be friends with people who understand her lack of a filter, and she especially gets along well with other motormouths. 

> Still thinking out her story honestly X_X 

#.txt #my ocs

[janetbrown711]

It had been two weeks since Darling and Apple had kissed on that magical and snowy summer afternoon, and Darling had loved every minute she spent with Apple since. 

Often, Darling and Apple could be seen having lunch together, walking to classes together, and generally just enjoying being around each other. Darling was happy to note that Apple was adjusting to her revelation quite well, if a bit slow (but that was expected). Of course, her friends made this a lot easier, as most were very supportive (though they had known since the dragon games). Who Darling- and Apple- were really concerned about was how the Queen, Principal Grimm, and all of Ever After would react once they ascended to the throne together.  

But Darling didn’t focus on that now. Instead, she was focusing on getting ready for her and Apple’s first official date.

“So are you excited?” Rosabella Beauty asked from her bed while Darling sat by her vanity doing her makeup. 

“Did you really ask me that?” Darling snorted. Rosabella laughed. 

“Okay, you’re right. Of course you’re excited. I just can’t believe Apple asked you out and not the other way around. I really thought you’d be the one to take that leap,” She said while checking her phone. 

“Honestly? I don’t know if I was ever gonna ask her out,” Darling admitted. “I was planning on waiting until I knew for a fact that she wanted to start actually going out before doing anything. Goodness knows Apple had and still has a lot of internalized crap she needs to work through. I just didn’t want to push her,” She said as she applied blush. 

“True,” Rosabella agreed, before pausing to add, “Goodness knows her mom is gonna be a lot less than happy when she finds out.”

Darling paused at that, feeling a twinge of irrational guilt. Darling had been blessed with parents who could understand that Darling was gay from the beginning (The Charming’s figured having a girl “prince charming” meant she was probably destined to be lesbian) but Darling knew Apple wasn’t given that same privilege. Everyone in Ever After knew how strict Snow White was about tradition- Apple herself used to be a good signifier. 

“Yeah,” was all Darling could add. Sighing, she closed her blush and set it aside. 

“I know that sigh. You’re wishing you could just whisk her away and ride off into the sunset on your horse, aren’t you?” Rosabella raised a playful eyebrow. 

“You know it,” Darling admitted. “It’s the ‘Knight In Shining Armor’ instinct. Sue me,” she played back. Rosa chuckled.

“Relax. You two are destined, and the Queen can’t deny that, no matter what. She loves destiny and tradition, and according to that tradition, you two are bound together forever. It’s the perfect argument,” She said. 

“I know, I just wish Apple won’t have to fight with her mother in such a way, especially after they just made up about the Dragon Games incident,” Darling lamented. Rosa nodded. 

“Understandable, but I wouldn’t worry about it now. I’d just focus on your date, since that’s a much better thing to think about,” She reassured. Darling nodded and took in a deep breath. 

“You’re right, I’m working myself up over something I won’t have to deal with for a long time,” She stood up. “Well... I guess I’ll be off then. Be back in a few,” She said. Rosabella nodded in response and went right back to her phone. 

Darling took her time as she made her way to the gazebo outside of school where she and Apple had planned to have their picnic. Apple was bringing the basket of food and the blanket, so all Darling had to do was make sure no creatures were already there and wait.

Darling wasn’t too keen on waiting, and she wished Rosabella hadn’t brought up Snow White. It always made Darling nervous to think about her and the future. All Darling wanted was to fight dragons, kick ass, take names, and save Apple and then run off into the sunset with her, was that too much to ask? Probably... but that never stopped Darling from yearning about it constantly. 

Darling was so lost in her thoughts that she hadn’t noticed when Apple showed up with the picnic basket. 

“Hi Darling,” She greeted her with her sweet smile. Darling smiled back, relieved to be distracted. 

“Hi Apple,” She said. 

“May I?” Darling gestured to the basket and blanket, and Apple nodded. Together, they set everything up to be the picture perfect picnic (she had even brought candles for atmosphere even though it was only 2 in the afternoon). Darling expected no less from Apple. 

“So... how has your day been?” Apple asked as she poured Darling a glass of sparkling apple cider. 

“I’ve been... fine. What about you?” Darling rubbed the back of her neck, which she quickly regretted doing upon seeing a glimmer of worry on Apple’s face. 

“I’m alright,” Apple said, not dwelling on it. She unwrapped one of the sandwiches she packed and took a bite. Darling did the same. 

“I apologize if that sounded a little off. What I mean is... I’m fine now. I’m afraid I’ve been a bit in my own head this morning that I’m grateful to spend some time just with you,” Darling said. Apple visibly relaxed. 

“I’m glad to be spending time with you too. Goodness knows I’ve been thinking too much too. I really needed this,” She sighed and rested her head on her own shoulder, to which Darling scooted closer, and Apple then rested her head on Darling’s shoulder. Darling rested her head on top. She smiled. 

“It’s a lovely day. We picked the perfect spot,” Darling said. 

“You know all best spots in the forest,” Apple compliment. “How do you know the forest that well?” She asked. 

“I practically grew up in these woods. Me and my brothers love exploring them when we were little. You do know that the Charming Family practically owns these woods, right?” Darling asked. Apple nodded. 

“I just didn’t expect you to have explored it so much so young. To have that much freedom to roam around...” Apple drifted off. 

“It wasn’t all peaches and roses. We did get hurt a lot, but dad always thought it was good fighting practice for the boys to ‘protect me’ from wild animals and such, though- let’s be honest- I saved them both more times than I can count,” Darling and Apple laughed. 

“Dexter is a klutz,” Apple agreed, sitting up once more. 

“And Daring is mostly talk, though I’ll admit he is pretty good at fighting dragons,” Darling said. Apple couldn’t help but agree. 

“Don’t cut yourself short though, you’re pretty fierce yourself. I still can’t believe you’re the White Knight,” Apple said. Darling chuckled. 

“A girl does what a girl has to do,” Darling shrugged playfully. Apple sighed a little. 

“Shame how things are run like that... I think Ever After needs some serious changes,” Apple said. Darling nodded. 

“Well it’s a good thing you’ll be next in line for the throne then, hm?” Darling winked. Apple nodded. 

“Indeed,” Apple said, forcing a small smile. Darling frowned. 

“What’s the matter?” She asked, softly tucking a loose blonde curl behind Apple’s ear. The princess blushed. 

“I don’t know... I just... I keep thinking about what my mother will think of me,” Apple rubbed her arms. 

“I understand,” Darling sympathized. “I’ve been thinking about it a lot too. She isn’t exactly the... understanding type, right?” Apple shook her head. 

“She’s so... hellbent on me and my destiny. It’s what drove me to do all the stupid stunts I pulled during the Dragon Games,” Apple looked away in shame.

“Hey, look at me,” Darling touched Apple’s face lightly and turned it towards her. 

“What your mother says doesn’t matter. This isn’t something you can change, okay?” She said. Apple nodded a little. 

“You are very beautiful, and you are very loved, understand? You have a wonderful support system here at Ever After High, and we’ll always be here when you need it, got it?” Darling said. Apple nodded again. The two held eye contact for quite a bit, before both of them found themselves leaning in to a soft and tender kiss. 

“Thanks Darling,” Apple blushed and looked away. “That means a lot.”

“Apple, trust me when I say I’m always happy to help,” Darling smiled and placed a hand on Apple’s cheek. To her surprise, Apple leaned into it. Darling smiled softly. 

“Let’s not focus on the future, or on your mother. For now, let’s just enjoy each others company on this lovely summer day,” Darling suggested. Apple nodded. 

“I’d like that very much,” She said, her blue eyes practically shining in the sunlight. Darling couldn’t help but get a little lost in them. 

“As you wish,” Darling said. 

With that, the two princesses continued to have a wonderfully calm and relaxing picnic as they laughed and talked for hours and hours, just marveling in each other’s company, knowing that little else mattered so long as they had each other.

#eah #ever after high #darling charming #apple white #dappling #darling x apple #wlw #my fics #apple x darling #i wrote another one bc I'm just a depressed gay bitch #apple is touch starved if you couldn't tell #i'm addicted to their relationship #i love me some gay ass princesses #also Darling is a fat mood #i too want to run away into the sunset with the love of my life #XDDD #so yeah #we stan a sword lesbian and her much more femme gf

[docholligay]

Just in case anyone else didn't ask it: She-ra thoughts?

Ah, yes, we finally finished the She-Ra last night. Okay, so I feel like I don’t have to say this, because I think this is in keeping with my general empotional timbre but: It’s fine if you loved the last season. I cannot EXPRESS how little I care. I do not go to bed at night thinking “IF ONLY I COULD CONVINCE THOSE FOOLS” I think arguing about it is stupid, by and large, because I find it highly unlikely that anything I sy is going to make someone who loved it go “You’re right, it was fool’s gold, but truly, I wanted so badly for it to bring wealth” and I doubt anyone could say anything that would get me to say “Oh you have opened mine eyes! I can see the craftwork that I so long denied” like come on. 

Remember how Jet hated Madoka Magica, and how it stopped me for not even five seconds from thinking it was fucking incredible, and how we managed to continue being friends because an animated show being good or not is not something grown people stew about? Good. 

So this isn’t a REFERENDUM on however you felt about it. I don’t cre. Let me take your hand. I do. Not. Care. 

So: 

I thought it was HORRENDOUSLY paced, and most of the problems I have with it, but not all, come out of that. It was frustrating because the show by and large had been so good, even when I hadn’t loved  a step it took, of being well considered and being willing to fully embrace the idea that a character can be wrong, or that you are allowed to feel multiple ways about something. 

People, I think, assume I hated Catra, but I don’t! I NEVER did, I LOOOOOOOVED Catra as a character, allowed to show how someone can be so twisted in their own fucking victimhood that they become the villain. I thought it was a brilliant bit of writing. I though having her and Glimmer, both so driven to the point, square off against each other, was amazing. I FULLY EXPECTED, and you can find me talking about this several seasons back, that she would have a redemption arc. I know how kid’s shows work, but also I knew she was Noelle Stevenson’s favorite, and there was no way she was going to let her close out the show being unredeemed. 

I also knew Catradora was happening, because it’s Stevenson’s ship. And no hate! Please know if I was running either SM or OW: The HBO series, it would go down EXACTLY the way I wanted. 

So I think what people thought my problems were are mischaracterized, reductionist, and a bit unfair. 

My problem was I got fucking WHIPLASH off the turnaround. We should have: have more seasons, made it last the whole season, started it earlier, or not had Catra fall so far. ANY of those would have helped the situation IMMENSELY for me. Catra literally tried to MURDER them all, MULTIPLE times, and I feel like she made one gesture and was let off the hook. I will have to go back and take a tally, but I think we stay pissed at her in the group for like TWO EPISODES. MAX. No one is allowed to continue to mistrust her, to resent her, nothing. 

 I feel like she was never really held to task for her self-pitying horseshit, and unfortunately, the DIRE circumstances made things where I even maybe thought she had a point dissolve before my very eyes. 

Like, I know you don’t want Adora to die, and you may even have a fucking point here, but if it’s one girl versus the world, you are being selfish to keep her. The world matters utterly more. Doc, I would think you would like that, her being utterly selfish, oh I WOULD LOVE IT, if the show in any way allowed you to hold the idea that Catra is Selfish and Bad. It’s the Iron Man problem, where the movie won’t leave me space to think he’s terrible, so instead of being like, Tony Stark, you little twit, I have to full-on hate him. 

And unfortunately, this isn’t just a problem with that whole storyline. Everything felt so rushed and set to the side, and the side characters we’d come to love got almost no real feel of resolution for me, or emotional depth. 

Like we haven’t spent any time with Spinerella or Netossa, but I’m supposed to get emotionally involved in the fact that they’re on opposite sides? I’m supposed to care about two characters who I have really only seen in passing? It takes a lot to make me want to bring my own emotions to the table, and it never managed that. 

The Glimmer and Bow thing felt entirely shoehorned in for reasons I don’t even fully understand, and I thought the pair-offs at the end were GENERALLY lazy. Not everyone needs to have a romantic interest at the end of the show! It could have been SPinerella/Netossa, Catra/Adora, and Mermista/Seahawl, and I think we all would have lived fine. Those are the couples we’ve come to expect, that were laid into the show, etc. Why pair everyone else up? I don’t get it all. 

I find brainwashing storylines very lazy and can never get emotionally invested in the whole ~my friend is now my enemy~ thing unless it’s VERY VERY well-written. 

MInor side note: INCREDIBLY unimpressed with the future flash with Adora all feminine and Catra having walked back her short hair. But glad, I suppose, to see that this show has never stopped from it’s goal of making any woman you could possibly take as butch and making sure you feminize her. 

THE GOOD

I did love the showdown between Micah and Glimmer. I thought that was really thematically important for Glimmer and her struggle with her powers, and there was nothing on earth I found disappointing about her blasting her dad in the face with 895 volts of eat a dick. It was great. Loved it. 

SHADOW WEAVER. Perhaps my vote for MVP of the entire show, I love that she was emotionally complex and difficult to read to the end. I love that even as she’s giving her lives for Catra and Adora, but also, mostly, because she knows it’s the only way the world will get saved, her last words are “You’re welcome” She was never NICE, but she provided a very complex marrative about evil and good, and she lived in the greys in many ways, and I thought she was a terribly interesting character that you were allowed to feel a WHOLE VARIETY of ways about. 

Seahawk’s whole “This reminds me of when we first met! You tried to kill me then, too” I howled at his whole thing. They are the only valid straight/het/whatever couple in the show and perhaps the world. (I mean, I would have rather he be a butch lesbian anyday, but) 

WRONG HORDAK. That was so well done and funny, I just thought it was a delight throughout the entire season.

But all in all, it was such a major writing disappointment. It was so poorly done in these final strokes, and that's so ridiculously shocking given the good writing of other seasons.

#and please do not DARE tell me 'it's a kid's show' #unless you want me to look down my nose every time you recommend one #madegeeky

[thefiveavengers]

jester and sexuality/romantic inclinations

so, this is my last day of summer break (actually the day before last, but tomorow is monday) and I decided to put into words what my thoughts about this dicey, dicey subject are. First, these are solely my opinons based on 1) watching the second campaign, 2)watching talks machina and the meta knowledge that comes with that and 3) assuming the players are playing in good faith and are open minded to organic changes that might come to their characters along the way.

and second, I do have my biases, and I come from the following inclinations: I ship lavorregard, and I don’t believe Jester is straight.

That said let’s begin. I’ve written a far amount about the lavorregard ship, but mostly focused on Beau’s feelings and her perspective. Right before the ep that Beau reveals the crush to Nott I wrote the following: “ If I were to put a chronology on Beau’s feelings for Jester it would go something like that: 1)“This girl is cute and somehow I like her way more than I usually like, well, anybody” 2) “This girl is cute and we are… friends???” 3) “This girl is cute, we are friends and I love her” 4) “We are friends, I love her AND I think she is hot” 5) “This girl is hot, I love her and maybe I love her as more than friends?”

But last ep I think it shifted to, “I’m definetely into Jester as more than friends and she’s never been hotter AND I think I’m getting to a point where I’m ready to actually process my feelings regarding that and be open about it.”

And lo and behold, the very next ep we saw Beau actually processing her feelings when talking to Nott. But what about Jester?  

         I’ve seen some people express the idea that “wouldn’t it be galaxy brain if all three cr ladies had independently decided when creating their characters that they are lesbians?” and honestly, while a cute thought, I don’t think that’s what’s happening. In my opinion what happened was, Marisha created Beau as a lesbian and she made sure to make that clear as possible from the get go, and one of the reasons I think she did that is because she entered the campaign looking to avoid a pc/pc romance, since the one she was in in cr1 took such a toll on her. She probably figured it would be a safe bet, playing a lesbian she would shield herself from the male characters and most likely the other female characters would not be interested in Beau, right?

      Enter Ashley Johnson. Honestly I don’t think Ashley had such a clear idea that Yasha was (or is) a lesbian. She had a wife, and from what has been said in canon Zualla was her only romantic and sexual relationship. Now, from what we’ve seen Yasha hasn’t expressed any interest in men, but to be fair she hasn’t really expressed interest in much anybody. She called Jester adorable in the very first ep and she seems to be fond of Beau’s flirtations even if not directly responding to them. The conversation where Yasha has said that she has “seen {Beau} a lot” coupled with one of the songs in Yasha’s playlist has me convinced that Yasha has some kind of feelings for Beau, even if is just a small crush. And I say this as someone who doesnt ship Beau/Yasha. I don’t think they would make a good match, but that doesn’t mean I’d deny either of them having interest in the other. But that doesn’t mean Yasha is for sure a lesbian who would never engage with a men ever. She seems pretty adamant on not having any romantic connections, so its hard to gauge really where her interests lie. She is for sure though a wlw. 

      Now, when it comes to Jester and Laura Bailey that’s when things get complicated. I would assume that most of us that have considered the possibility of Jester not being straight have read the excellent essay on comphet by tumblr user fuzzy-face ( https://fuzzy-face.tumblr.com/post/185001577009/you-make-your-own-fairytale-jester-comphet ), so I’m not gonna rehash what she’s said already. While I do agree almost wholeheartedly with this post, I’ll say this, I don’t think Laura Bailey when creating Jester set out to tell a story of a wlw learning how to overcome comphet. But (BUT!,!) I also don’t think her idea was Jester is totally straight and that’s that! I think she created Jester as a sexually and romantically inexperienced young woman that almost immediately got a crush on Fjord because, among other reasons, he reminded her of a hero from her smut books. 

       Recently, with the new upload of talks to the CR youtube channel, I rewatched this talks: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YZqJzNj_1tI , which is about the ep a Hole in the Plan, deep into the pirate arc, but before the first big Beau/Jester moment, the conversation they had in the boat on ep 46. First I must express my annoyance  at the fact that Laura and Marisha are the guests and yet at least 80% of the questions are about Fjord. I know it was in his arc, but COME ON! Also I was very surprised by how open they are talking about Fjord/Jester as if it were a done deal alaready. When anyone involved in Talks claim that they don’t do shipping questions, you should show them this ep because it is all about shipping questions. Anyways, Laura clearly states that Jester has a crush on Fjord (at the time at least) and she compares it to a super intense high school crush. So to me there is no refuting the fact that at least at some point Jester had a crush on Fjord. 

    What I do find it interesting is when you compare her answers in that talks to what she said in the most recent talks she’s participated  ( https://youtu.be/_NmZ2b_Q3So ) which seem to at least indicate that Jester has, on a level or another, moved on from said crush. It’s also, the now infamous moment where Laura talks about Jester’s crush...es. We’ll get back to that.

     That’s all good and dandy, but this is meta outside the game. Let’s go analyze actual in-game developments. As far as I can remember (and I’m not an expert in Fjord/Jester, so I might be forgetting something) these are the moments Jester spoke directly or inderectly about her crush on Fjord; when Caleb point blank asked her if she was sweet on him (to which she answered “I don’t know” and let’s keep that in mind); when she talked to nott about first kisses and the best thing she can say about it is that it didnt make her feel dead, and to me the most significant moment; when she asks the traveler  how to make a boy like her. Now, I’ve seen some people band about this as irrefutable proof that Jester IS straight, otherwise she wouldnt be asking the traveler advice about boys, but in this case she wasn’t talking about boys in general, she was talking about ONE boy and that was Fjord. 

      And that’s the crux of the matter isn’t it? Jester has demonstrated sexual/romantic interest in one man and one man alone, and that’s fjord. That does not mean she is straight. It doesn’t even mean that she, if a wlw, is bi. Her crush on Fjord has been wrapped around in all these expectations and I think its hard to parse how much was just projecting, among other things, the romance her parents had. Also, let me comment on how all these developments were long ago, during the pirate arc, over one year ago in real time.

     Jester has commented about Fjord’s appearance and Caleb’s and even pointed out to Reani that hot boi Essek was hot, but its all done very matter-of-factly. And if we are going to talk about Jester commenting on people’s apperances we have to acknowledge how Jester cannot SHUT UP about how she finds women beautiful. From Beau to Nott, from Reani to random shop girl in Uthodurn and her obssession with the Bright Queen in particular its all very in your face. Once someone wanted to argue with me that this is just how straight girls air their insecurities, and even if that’s true and not just misogyny, the only time Jester commented on a woman’s apperance with any kind of insecure note was one time when she compared herself to her mother.  

     Look, the thing is, if we take at face value every comment Jester has made about Fjord’s looks and strenght, we also have to take at face value how distraught she looked and sounded facing the idea that Beau’s new vestiments wouldn’t let her abs show. Is it funny? Yes, but it’s funny for the idea that Jester is very appreciative of Beau’s abs, which, I’m still waiting for the straight explanation if anyone if willing to give me. 

     To end, this goddamned book that I’ve started, the thing that gives me the most certainty that Jester is not straight and that a Beau/Jester romance is not only possible but likely is that I do not believe Laura Bailey is cruel. If she had no interest in exploring the possibility of a not-straight Jester and a B/J romance she wouldn’t been doing what she has been doing for awhile now.

     And what do I mean about that? I mean that even before Beau’s confession there’s been a different dynamic to their relationship. I already mentioned the “but can I see her abs????” incident, but also her encouragement about beau’s qualities and abilities (beau, you’re super strong), using the traveler as a proxy to her feelings (the traveler thinks you’ll do great, the traveler thinks you’re awesome, the traveler loves you), waiting to hold beau when she went up a column and showing disapointment when she didnt fell into her arms, listening to Beau regarding her wanting to confront her dad, being super, and I mean SUPER bummed out when Beau and Reani kissed and took a walk. And after the confession things ramped up.

   Like, that was Laura Bailey listening to the conversation between Nott and Beau, not Jester. She could have had continued to play out their friendship as usual, but that’s not what she did. She used this opportunity to play the romantic possibility as never before. Making sure that Jester shielded Beau’s body in combat, being VERY specific that when her double cured her, she leaned over her body and put her hands to her face and even contradicting Matt, pointing out that when she woke up, it wasn’t the laughing hand that she first saw, but Jester’s face. And then there’s ep 89, the juiciest lavorregard ep since ep 46. It’s romantic comedy set up, one character confesses their love to a third one, and the one character who is the target of that love starts a conversation with “Are you avoiding me? Because I think I know why.” That’s a romantic trope ladies and gents, and Laura Bailey the genius she is played it to perfection. Not being sure why she was so upset about not curing Beau (a sentiment that battle mercy Jester has never expressed before). Wanting to punish Beau’s dad for not treating her right, getting to an agreement after arguing about tarot and molly. Afterwards engaging Fjord in an activity that she usually associates with beau, that goes disastrously and thanks to the dice gods, I could see, in real time the comphet melting away.

And concluding with the fact that she bet 20 extra gold on Beau on the down low.

So coming back to the idea of Jester having crush...es, to me is very clear those crushes are, the one she has/had on Fjord and her new emerging one on Beau. do I think Jester herself is aware of these feelings? Not really, but Laura sure is.

     look this is not about being entitled or acusing anyone of queerbaiting if my ship doesnt pan out. its just, you know, laura’s sister is a lesbian, and I do think that gives people some perspective that they might not have, and I genuinely don’t think she would be playing things as she is, if she didn’t have any interest in playing out to the end.

#critical role #jester #jester lavorre #beaujester #lavorregard #this got super long and took me a few hours #but anyways these are most of my feelings regarding queer jester

[dorkylittleweirdo]

crazy shit that happened during high school

freshman year:

my favorite teacher (pe coach) ended up being a pedophile. it’s kinda scary to think about bc like,, that was my favorite teacher and i trusted him and if he tried anything with me i don’t think i would’ve stopped him and just yikes. but yeah, it was a whole thing. once the school found out they got the police involved and he fled the state. they got him in the end but i mean,, i spent a lot of time in the secretary’s office crying about it bc i really trusted that dude and i was distraught over it. that might’ve been where my trust issues started??? fun stuff

my school shut down. like i mean,, bc it was a charter school and we had to get the charter renewed. but the board at my school wasn’t using their money the way they were supposed to. it was a whole thing, like the principal left that school year bc he knew what was happening, couldn’t stop them from doing it, and didn’t want to be part of it. so they had a lot of meetings that us kids were allowed to go to so we could see what was happening and all that. i only went to one and it was A Time bc the lady who was recording everything passed tf out and of course nobody was a doctor and my pipsqueak thirteen year old ass went “i know what to do” bc i Did so i had to help her which was a trip in and of itself. but anyways, the school’s charter got denied, and everyone had to transfer, but the district promised that we could go to any school we wanted, not just the one we would have to go to by zip code

sophomore year:

i ended up going to a private christian school. big fucking mistake. absolute disaster. nothing really happened that was crazy by their standards, but it was for me

so they have a house system. think of harry potter, it’s EXACTLY like that. we have points, we have competitions, we have all that extra stuff. it was such a time, like i don’t,, i don’t even know how to explain how fucking weird that shit was

i came out in the middle of class. the principal’s daughter was our sub and she goes “okay so everyone is gonna tell us something that nobody knows about them” so when it was my turn i go “so it’s not a secret and y’all should know this but clearly y’all don’t: i’m not straight”. silence. dead silence. we could hear the class next to us it was so quiet. some girl whispers “i knew it”. another girl leans over and whispers to my friend “i’m so sorry”. principal’s daughter gives me the most threatening, condescending smile i’ve ever seen and goes “thanks for sharing”. i had to come out to my mom that same day bc i told me friends and they panicked on my behalf bc when people found out that they were gay, the principal told their parents. and i was Not about to be outed by the principal. my mom has since told me that the principal never contacted her about it so i came out for nothing but i mean i really like being out so we’re good

so instead of prom, cult school has this thing called “the ball”. sophomores, juniors, and seniors are allowed to go bc there’s less than fifty people per grade so if sophomores don’t come, there’s not enough people. so i went bc my friends were all going and i was like “yeah why not might as well”. three dance lessons. three fucking dance lessons for this stupid ball that i didn’t dance once at. i literally had three panic attacks in the span of an hour at the second one, and then i had swim practice right after. fucking exhausted. felt like i ran five marathons by the time i got home. the last lesson i didn’t do any dancing, just vibed with my friend in the corner. so at the actual ball, same friend and i vibed at the tables the whole time. we went to the bathroom for like an hour and took mirror selfies and tried to make our asses look bigger bc we’re Like That

SO AFTER THE BALL, there was apparently a massive party and there was alcohol and stuff. so my friends and i were blissfully unaware bc nobody liked us bc who tf likes the school sinners. so we walked to get ice cream after in our fucking ballgowns and suits looking like All That. so the principal thought that it was one of us who hosted the party and we were like “??? what party?”. literally almost got in trouble bc the principal thought we were LYING. i told my mom and she takes No Shit, so when the principal called her demanding to know if i went to/hosted the party, she marched her ass down to the school and was like “i know y’all have something against mexicans and people who are different from y’all, but that’s no reason to blame my daughter for something that your so called “perfect” students did”. my mom got Heated, roasted the fuck out of the principal, then LEFT. principal never fucked with my mom after that

so there was a fire like across the street from the school. the fd told us to evacuate, but noooooo the school was like “god will protect us” i’m like “okay but i’m gay and apparently your god hates that so i think we’re gonna Perish”. the fucking POWER went out and they STILL wouldn’t let us go. my mom called to sign me out so i could go wherever the fuck i wanted in the school until my friend’s dad came to pick us up bc she couldn’t get there bc of the fire. so i vibed next door to my friends’ class and i was like “heeeeey god’s trying to kill the gays” and we laughed about that until my gay ass got saved lmaoooo

okay so this is the funniest memory i have. in chemistry once, our teacher took us outside and started digging a lil hole next to the school. and keep in mind, my chem teacher used to be a hardcore atheist druggie, like fucking meth and coke and shit. took a theology course and converted. so he’s really sweet and nice but he’s also Slightly mad scientist vibes. so anyways, he puts something in this little hole, lights it on fire. i forgot why he did it, but i was standing back with him and one of the exchange students and the three of us watch in Horror as the rest of the class makes a circle around the fire and start doing some weird dance and saying something. it wasn’t like a chant, idk what to call it, but they were like counting like “and one, and two, and three, and four” and then the dance would get more intense and they’d get louder. so eventually they were screaming and going apeshit and i looked at my teacher and he’s just,, watching them do this. i’m like “and i’m satan, huh?”. like these kids really trying to summon the devil but i’m the bad one bc i like girls

junior year:

so technically this was during the summer but i’m putting it here. they have like a house party after the school year ends. i made cookies. apparently they “looked weird” so nobody ate them, two of my soon to be teachers kept insulting them. i called my mom to pick me up, took my cookies with me, got back in the car in tears. had to have a whole conversation with the principal and those two teachers so they could apologize bc i wanted to leave the school after that. dw tho, i took my cookies to the guards at my summer camp and they appreciated the hell out of them bc they were Very Good Cookies

so my ap bio teacher was an enabler. i was his favorite bc i wasn’t a religious nut and it was very obvious that i believed in science and not whatever the hell this cult was doing with their creationist bs. also he was a parasitologist and i’m super into parasitology so he had fun talking about it to someone who both understood and was extremely interested in the topic. i rolled up to class one day like “hey so i’m gonna buy hissing cockroaches from amazon, if my parents find out and don’t let me keep them do you want them??” and he’s like “yeah”. i brought them to class a few times and everyone Hated it but my teacher was like ayyyyy. and everyone thought he was either and atheist or agnostic, so when some girl asked how he thought mary conceived jesus to see what he said, he looked at me like “y’all hear somethin/hel p” and i go “parthenogenesis” and he Went With It, talking about how it was theoretically possible in humans but we ignored the fact that the baby would’ve been a girl bc the class is dumb none of them have ever heard of parthenogenesis before jesus is the true trans icon we all need

my art teacher was my favorite and she knows that i’m gay. she’s the only teacher from my school that i’m still in contact with. so every big project we did, i made it gay. and i knew, and my friends knew, and she knew, but the rest of the class had no idea. i’m like presenting my project and the class would get sus and they’re like “so are those two really good friends” and i’m like “so she has a rainbow heart on her choker and she has a lesbian symbol on her shirt”. the class was still confused and my friend yells “they’re LESBIANS”. it was iconic

my brit lit teacher was bi. she never said it, but i know she was. always talked about how much she hated men, then was like “women are very very good”. no way this woman was straight. so we read dracula and it’s got that Subtext, so one time i leaned over to my friend bc he sat next to me and i go “the Homoerotic Subtext”. and i didn’t realize that the teacher was right in front of me until she tapped my desk and goes “it gets better”, told me a page number that i flipped to, and it was Even More Gay and i was like 😏. also she assigned me a gay poet for my poetry project and i talked about that for my whole presentation in front of the class and it was the biggest paragraph in my essay and i got 100% on it even tho i choked at the beginning. also i mentioned in passing that i liked sappho and she goes “ooh i love sappho” i’m like “ma’am please leave this cult and get you a gf”

senior year:

i left the cult finally. went to the one school i actually liked. i made friends who actually like me and they were patient and they were amazing and i love them all very much even if i’ll never tell them. my classmates were great, v friendly, i had a great time. however,

so many fires. school got cancelled like five times bc of how bad the fires were

the school shooting. i don’t think i need to go further into that, it’s pretty self explanatory

covid. again, don’t need to go further into that, v self explanatory

#school #high school #school stories

[gabriel-agreste-has-no-rights]

Rating: T

Summary: Luka is just minding his own business. XY is just hanging from the side of his boat.  Of course XY isn't going to shut up and leave him alone... but maybe that's not entirely a bad thing.

Word Count: 1843 | Chapter 1/4

Notes: Special thanks to Janai and Maddy for beta reading for me!! And being inspirations bc I wouldn’t ship this otherwise lol.  Luxy rights [dabs]

XXX

“C’mon, man, please!  This place is such an unsexy trash heap, she’ll never think to look for me here!”

Luka blinked down at XY from the Liberty’s deck.  Straight down, because the other boy was currently dangling from the side of the ship.  How had he even gotten there?  Tried to jump?  They had a plank, but he hadn’t bothered to ask Luka to lower it.  Luka probably wouldn’t have known he was there if he hadn’t watched his face smush against his bedroom porthole.

The smart thing might have been to ask “what are you doing here,” or maybe even “what makes you think I’ll do you any favors?”  But XY would probably have an easier time answering questions when he wasn’t hanging on by his manicured fingertips.

“Fine.”  He reached a hand down to haul him up.

“Woah!”  XY exclaimed at being yanked on deck.  Luka didn’t know why he was surprised.  He weighed almost as little as Marinette.

He dusted off his purple jacket with a sneer.  “Gross, I think I touched a barnacle.”

“We don’t have barnacles.”  Only because Officer Roger made them scrape the hull once a month, but still.  “You mind telling me why you’re here?”

“Pshaw, yeah.”  He plopped down in one of the folding chairs and crossed his feet on the table like he owned the place.  Unsurprising, considering his attitude said he owned everything.  Including his music and Marinette’s designs.

Even though they’d appeared on Bob Roth’s show in the end, that sting never entirely went away.  Maybe it was because it was his first (and only) time being akumatized, but the negative emotions still hung in the air like a discordant note.

Or maybe it was because music was meant to come from the heart, and Luka wasn’t convinced XY even had one.

He sighed and shook his head.  It wouldn’t do any good to confront the boy again and risk another akumatization.

He settled down cross-legged in the chair farthest from XY, where he could still keep an eye on him, but not hear his obnoxious humming quite so clearly.  Maybe working on Marinette’s melody would soothe some of his irritation away.

He was only three chords in when XY started talking.

“Do you know that blonde girl from the hotel?  The mayor’s kid?”

Luka blinked blankly.

“Her name’s er—Cole?  Clover?”

“Chloe?  I think Marinette’s talked about her.  Why?”

“Aaaaanyway, that girl’s been on my tail ever since we started staying at the hotel.  She’s probably my biggest fan.”

“Good for you,” he replied in monotone, strumming a few more chords.  Maybe a D minor would work there…

“No!  Awful for me!  She wants to take me out for pasta.  I don’t even like pasta!  Or girls!”

Luka blinked at that last bit.  “Can’t you just tell her that?”

“Ugh, I wish.”  He sighed, flopping his arms over the sides of the chair so they dangled against the deck.  “Dad says I can’t come out because it’ll be bad for my image.  The only thing I’m good for is my pretty face.”  

He said it like it was a fact.  Something about that turned Luka’s stomach.  He couldn’t imagine hiding being bi from his family.  Juleka knew she was lesbian practically since she was born, which made it a bit easier too, and it wasn’t like their mom cared either way.  

“Music should be about who you are on the inside, not just the way you look,” he said.  “Hiding such an important part of who you are must make it difficult to hear the melodies in your heart.”

XY snorted.  “Not sure what kind of hippie crap you’re talking about.”

Why was he even bothering?  They weren’t friends.  But still, this was the longest conversation he’d had with anyone outside of Juleka’s friends in… he couldn’t remember.

“Why did you tell me this, anyway?”  He asked, shaking off the thought.

“You asked why I was here.  Duh.”  XY dug some wax out of his ear and flicked it on the deck.

“But you said—nevermind.”  

Unsure how else to react, Luka readjusted his guitar and tried to pick up Marinette’s melody again.  But his fingers stumbled over the strings, refusing to press the right frets.

What did it mean that XY had come out to him of all people, when he otherwise wasn’t allowed to?  Didn’t he have anyone else to share his struggles with?  Or was he just trying to draw on Luka’s sympathy to keep him from kicking him off the boat?

Probably that last one.  After all, it didn’t seem like XY even knew this was Luka’s house when he showed up.

“I thought you were supposed to be good,” XY scoffed when Luka butchered another chord.

“I’m just playing the song in your heart.  It’s not my fault you’re out of tune.”

The boy blinked, as if no one had called out like that before.  Luka hadn’t even meant to, really—he should’ve just kept his mouth shut and let his music do the talking.

“I think my heart song needs more bass drops.”

“Wh—that’s what you’re concerned with?”

“Uh, yeah?  Your heart might be a boring guitar solo, but I’ve gotta have some kind of beat.”

Luka just sighed and shook his head.  “Play your own heartsong, then.”

If that was supposed to make XY shut up, it failed miserably.

“Huh.  Sounds like your weird hippie stuff again.”

Luka didn’t point out that he had been the one to argue what his heartsong would sound like in the first place.

“Dad wouldn’t want to hear something like that, anyway,” he mumbled.  “Can’t top the charts with mushy junk.”

“Is that all you care about?  Being number one?”

XY looked at him like he was stupid.  “Yeah.  Why else would I make music?”

Something in his gut twisted.  It was just so wrong, to hear someone talk about music like that.  

“Because you enjoy it?  Because it lets you express yourself?”  

XY snorted.  “Maybe that works for you.  I can’t… it just doesn’t work like that.”

“Have you tried?”

“Yeah!”

Luka jumped at the anger in XY’s voice.  It was nothing like the nasally drawl he was used to.  

His blue eyes flashed with regret before he settled back in the chair. “...Sorry.  That wasn’t very cash money of me.”

XY?  Apologizing?  What kind of nerve had he touched?

“...It’s okay, I guess,” Luka mumbled back.

XY scoffed and ran a hand through his gelled mess of hair.  “This was stupid.”

“What?”  This whole situation was stupid, but probably not for the reasons XY thought.

“You’ve just—you’ve got all kinds of ideas.”

“Yeah?  So?”  Not everyone’s head could be as empty as his.

Luka received another of XY’s are you stupid stares, which was pretty ironic considering which one of them had been hanging off the side of the boat a few minutes ago.

“My dad, no matter what he says—he hates ideas.”

Luka shrugged.  “Sounds like he doesn’t know much about music, then.”

“No, he knows everything about music.  What sells, what doesn’t.  So when he said my original music sucked—I knew he was right.”

“That’s…” That’s terrible didn’t cut it, just like it hadn’t cut it earlier.  He shouldn’t care; it wasn’t like he owed XY his sympathy.  Heck, he didn’t even like him.  

But when it came to having your music rejected… he could only imagine what it would be like to have a family member deny such an important part of his soul.

He might have said that out loud, if the moment hadn’t been broken by a voice from the street.

 “XY!  Where are you?  Stop being utterly ridiculous and come back!  You said you were going to show me your new song!”

“I didn’t say that,” XY hissed, pressing himself flat against the chair.

Luka sat up a bit straighter to see the blonde girl searching the street, her ponytail whipping back and forth.

“I’m guessing that’s Chloe,” he said.

XY clasped his hands together and made a face that was probably supposed to be puppy eyes.  It would’ve worked a lot better if he stopped making those duck lips.

“Don’t rat me out, man, please!  I know you don’t like my music, but you wouldn’t make me—”

“Please, just—shut up.”  Luka rubbed his temples.  XY was going to give himself away by talking that loud.

For once, he actually listened.  Chloe’s shouts rang out for a few more seconds before she decided he must not be at the riverside.

XY heaved a giant sigh.  “Pretty cash money of you to hide me.  I’d better get back now.  Got some new holograms to touch up.”

“You make your own holograms?”

“Pshaw, no.  Dad has people for that.  They like seeing my gorgeous face while they’re at it though.”

Yeah, he should’ve seen that coming.  He didn’t know why even now, he kept holding out hope that XY would show some trace of the real music inside his heart.  Maybe he really was just a tinny pop beat—but when he’d spoken about his dad, he almost sounded like he had a soulful rock ballad hiding under the surface.

Probably just wishful thinking.

XY stood up, brushed off his butt as if the Liberty’s “unsexy garbage” clung to him, and looked over the railing.

“So. Uh.  How do I get off?”

Luka rolled his eyes.  At least he hadn’t jumped off into the river.

“Let me get the plank.”

When he got done rolling the walkway over the edge of the boat to the street, he straightened back up and jumped.

“Didn’t anyone teach you about personal space?”  He glared at XY, whose blue eyes were just inches from his.  They might’ve been pretty if they weren’t so close he could barely see.

Then, as if this day couldn’t get any weirder, XY planted a smooch on his cheek.

“What the heck are you doing?”  Luka moved to wipe the spit off his face, but XY grabbed his wrist first.

“I just increased your face’s net worth by like, a billion euros!  As thanks for getting me out of that jam.  If you’re gonna wipe it off, at least sell the rag on ebay or something.”  He winked.

“I should’ve left you on the side of the boat where you were hanging.”

“But you didn’t.”  

XY, being… himself, almost fell into the river while throwing his hand sign from the plank.  

Luka snorted and shook his head.  At least watching him make a fool of himself was entertaining.

“See you next time I need to hide from Cole.  So probably like, tomorrow.”

“I didn’t invite you back.  I didn’t invite you the first time.”

“Like you’d say no to the number one chart topper in Paris.”

“Number two.”

“Still not a no.  See ya, Lucky!”

“It’s Luka!”

“Luke, right!”

Luka groaned.  That boy was the human equivalent of an out-of-tune trumpet.

But his eyes still followed him down the street until he was out of sight.

#luka #xy #luxy #miraculous ladybug #tali writes #fic tag #i didnt expect to write this but here we are #humor

[highkey-lowkey-as-hell]

if you want to write it, a meet the parents fic but it’s kateva and angst to hurt comfort because i like my heart broken -cotmlc

THANK YOU, CO-PRESIDENT, FOR RELIEVING MY HORRIBLE, TERRIBLE, SOUL-CRUSHING BOREDOM

Also, seeing as this is angst, I’m switching the prompt up just a little. My headcanon is that Eva’s mom is the Best Mom and Kate’s parents are Trying (And Failing A Little But Overall Doing Their Best), so we’re getting Kate’s more-homophobic-grandparents instead for the Angst Factor.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Okay, yes, Kate was nervous.

Like, super nervous.

Eva had sworn up and down that she loved Kate no matter what, and while that did help her fear of losing her, she was still scared this afternoon was going to make Eva run away. Even if she didn’t, though, Kate was still expecting hell.

Her maternal grandparents were thoroughly convinced that Kate’s sarcastic, cynical, girls-and-flannel-loving personality was Just A Phase and she’d grow out of it and start wearing pink and giggling and liking guys any moment now. Obviously, that wasn’t happening. When she’d joined the cheer squad, they’d been so excited, Kate almost felt bad about disappointing them.

Almost. She didn’t actually feel bad about it.

Actually, her grandparents were one of the only things that told Kate her mom really and truly supported her sexuality. Sure, she was insecure about it, and had once asked her if she thought it was “just a phase,” but she always defended Kate whenever her grandparents asked if she was interested in anyone and she answered with “Bridget” or “Emily” or “Jennifer.”

Her mom’s mediocre support aside, Kate had been postponing this meeting for as long as she could. She and Eva had officially been together since February, and now it was July. She’d met Eva’s mother, uncle, and siblings, and Eva had met her parents and brothers. She knew for a fact that Eva had Chess’s letter tucked safely in a dresser drawer and that she reread it often. They even regularly said “I love you” now. And yet, her grandparents had only recently even learned Eva existed.

Just like always, Kate and her parents were hosting the Dalton family’s annual 4th of July party. Typically, Kate would be forced to greet everyone and then would run up to her room to read or play on her phone, or - before Derrick and Jack had left for college and gotten so distant - she and her brothers would be in the basement, playing video games Kate probably shouldn’t have been playing when she was ten. Today, though, was going to be a bit different.

Kate’s grandmother had recently joined Facebook without her knowledge, which proved to be problematic at the end of the year. Kate’s mom had made her usual post, congratulating Derrick on finishing his first year of grad school, Jack on his sophomore year of college, and Kate on her junior year of high school. The picture of Kate she had chosen to post was one Eva had posted to Instagram (and one she’d asked permission to use, which Kate and Eva both appreciated) (the caption was very sweet, irrelevant to this story, and was “GCHS cheer fucking sucks but at least I’ve got you, I love you so much”), which was a photo of the two of them after their last cheer competition. In the photo, Eva had her arm around Kate and was kissing her cheek, and it was very obvious that they were a couple.

Kate’s grandmother saw the photo.

Kate’s first reaction when her mom told her was to freeze and think fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck SHIT fuck fuck fuck - which she thought was a very logical first reaction. Her second reaction was freak the fuck out.

One thing had led to another, and now Eva had been invited to join the Dalton family Independence Day celebrations.

She showed up a little bit before everyone else, just because that’s how Eva was, and Kate dragged her down into the basement so she could rant about how scared she was.

“My cousins are just like Lily and they’ll love you and my aunts and uncles are great and Dad’s parents are pretty cool but Mom’s parents are going to hate you,” she ranted, pacing back and forth while Eva watched from the couch. “This might have been a really bad idea.”

“It’ll be fine, Katie,” Eva tried to sooth. “You’ve literally survived a stab wound, they can’t be much worse.”

“My grandparents meeting my girlfriend? Yeah, I think I’d rather get stabbed again.”

“I think you’re overreacting.”

“You won’t think that when they show up.” Kate stopped pacing and hugged herself, trying to calm her anxiety. “Promise you’ll stay?”

“I promise.” Eva stood up and hugged her, and Kate finally managed to breathe. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” Kate wanted Eva to hold her like that for the rest of the day, but the doorbell rang and Jack shouted for them to come upstairs and it was time to face the music.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Her paternal grandparents showed up first and, like Kate predicted, immediately adored Eva. They’d asked her at least four dozen questions before Kate’s aunt showed up a few minutes later, and as her relatives trickled in, Kate began to suspect that this was turning into less of a “family Independence Day!” party and more of a “Kate’s actually gay and has a girlfriend now, wow, time to overwhelm her” party. She’d made a deal with Jack and Derrick beforehand, having predicted what would happen, and invoked it now, leaving them to entertain their relatives while Kate pulled Eva into the backyard and onto the porch swing, where it would take several minutes for questions to reach them and they had an excuse to be as close as possible.

Kate was hoping her mom’s parents might not show up when her grandfather appeared in the doorway and her stomach sank into her beat-up shoes. He zeroed in on Kate and Eva right away and walked toward them, taking up way more space than he needed to like always.

“Kate, it’s been a while,” he boomed, and Kate winced.

“Hey, Grandpa,” she said, trying not to sound too sarcastic. “This is Eva.” Eva awkwardly waved, then put her hand down.

“It’s nice to meet you,” she said, and Kate felt really bad about dragging her into this.

“You must be Kate’s friend,” he nearly yelled (why the fuck did he have to be so loud?) and Kate nearly straight-up attacked him.

I’m basically in her lap right now! What the fuck do you mean, my “friend”?

Jack caught her eye from across the porch and gave her a sympathetic look before looking back at their elderly great-grandmother.

“Girlfriend, actually,” Kate corrected. “We’re dating. We’re a couple. Definitely not friends.”

“Right, of course.” Her grandfather winked at her, and she nearly screamed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The day did not get much better.

When her grandmother came out, she was about as subtle as her husband had been about how she didn’t actually believe Kate and Eva were in love (maybe? In love felt a little bit strong, but it also seemed to be the best term for it and Kate didn’t have time to think of a better way to put it) and thought they were just good friends. Then, when she stood up to go and get her phone so she could show her aunt a picture of their cheer squad and Eva’s hand wasn’t covering her scar anymore, her aunt screamed and brought three people running, pinning all the attention on Kate in a really bad way.

After a few hours, Kate whispered something in Eva’s ear and stepped away, into the garage, trying to catch her breath and calm down. The door opened, and rather than being Eva or one of her brothers like she’d hoped, she opened her eyes to see her grandmother.

“I saw you leave and wanted to make sure you were okay, honey.”

“I’m fine, Grandma. Just needed a moment.” She clenched her teeth and prayed her grandmother would leave. She didn’t.

“Eva seems nice,” she continued.

“She is.” Kate almost started to hope that maybe, maybe, her grandmother would start to take her relationship seriously. “I’m lucky to have her.”

“You seem like really good friends.” Fuck, there it was.

“Okay, you know what? Knock it off!” Kate didn’t mean to blow up, but she couldn’t help it now. “It doesn’t matter how much you deny it, it’s not going to change the fact that I’m not the granddaughter you have in your head! I love Eva, okay? I love someone who’s name is Eva and not Evan. I love her and I’m a lesbian and I’m so tired of you not taking me and my relationships seriously like you do Jack and Derrick!” Then she stormed past her and up to her room, her eyes stinging with tears.

After about twenty minutes, there was a gentle knock on the door.

“Go away,” she mumbled.

“Katie?”

“Oh. You can come in.”

Eva opened the door and then closed it behind herself. “Are you okay? Your grandmother says you totally lost your shit at her.”

“I kinda did.”

“I’m not surprised.” Eva sat next to her, and Kate sat up and crawled into her arms. “They’ve been assholes to us all day.”

“I just really love you, Eva, and I want them to understand that.” Kate’s voice was muffled by Eva’s shirt. “I want them to take you seriously as my girlfriend and stop trying to deny it. I-I want them to accept that I’m not the perfect granddaughter they wanted. I’m not perfect.”

“And thank God. If you were perfect, how would I make fun of you for how atrocious you are at skateboarding? How would I keep you from fighting some people and watch you fight others?” Eva pulled her a little bit tighter and laid down, Kate still curled up in her arms. “I hate your grandparents, but I love you more.”

“Promise you’ll stay?”

“Promise.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Everyone has that one relative who denies your sexuality, right? I’m not out to my family as lesbian, just as ace, and I still think they don’t quite get it. But hey, everyone’s got someone who has their back, right? I hope this was angsty enough!!!!!!

[b-listbadboy]

Castlevania Season 3 was disappointing

(Spoilers for Castlevania Season 3, if you haven’t seen it yet it’s out now on Netflix. I suggest watching that first before reading this review)

I won’t say it was an awful season by any stretch of the imagination but man was it a drag to get through.

Almost nothing of significance happens for the majority of the season and the things that did happen felt extremely off and weird. 10 episodes, 25 to 30 minutes each, and every single one except for the fucking TWO LAST EPISODES were spent dicking around with a mystery that had little to do with anything from season 2 beyond a really out there twist that I’m sort of iffy on. Top that off with a lackluster arguably stupid ending to leave us off on a needless cliffhanger, and that’s the magic remedy that will leave me feeling pretty damn frustrated.

The best parts, in my opinion, were with Isaac’s massive undead crusade he was waging throughout his journey for revenge, and Trevor and Syph’s interactions with each other as well as with the little villagers. Isaac’s arc going from a servant of Dracula to slowing evolving into the master of the damned felt genuine, intriguing, and badass! I really wish he was the next main villain instead as it makes sense thematically. He carries out Dracula’s nihilistic views of humanity in a similar but now more direct way and that can lead into something really intriguing. However, for some reason, this season left him and his whole journey on a back burner, and virtually everything else that is implemented into main villain role fell flat on its face execution wise.

For example; The new vampires of this season are Camilla’s three other empress sisters, and while they do have a plethora of personality at the very least, that kind of comes at a cost of the main threat being extremely diluted. We go from this hurting sympathetic undead overlord with the power of an anchent GOD, to a couple of wicked sassy sisters who just wanna eat people forever? It’s a bit lame of a progression from what we once had, we know Vampires like to eat people that’s nothing new or exciting. There’s no real twist to it besides it being “led by women in the dark ages” and granted that makes sense here since it IS the dark ages, but come on we literally just had arguably the BEST adaptation of friggin’ Dracula! This shouldn’t be all they got moving forward from that.

Now, I have ZERO issue with the main antagonists being female or even two of the four sisters (not by blood don’t worry) being a lesbian couple. I hate that I have to emphasize this, hell I often defend Cinder Fall in RWBY more than anyone in the fandom at all despite her issues as a complex and sometimes flat out badly written character. However, The four of them in this season have the most basic of plans that it seems arbitrary status quote fluff at best. It felt like just because it’s Castlevania, we HAVE to have the vampires as the villains. Even though in the games the Belmont’s were literally fighting werewolves, dragons, skeletons, and the GRIMM REAPER??

Therefore, the sense of urgency and tense calculating plans of ‘survival vs extinction’ is completely gone. And yknow in a way, I can kinda initially SEE that working in a sort of “Empire Strikes Back” esque plot. Yknow, with Alucard and the gang go around cleaning up Dracula’s leftover horde only for Isaac or even Camilla to have this huge vengeful comeback of dominance? But there’s no one exactly “striking back” or even taking any kind of immediate initiative after Dracula’s death. It’s been MONTHS after the whole event and no one seems like they really care about that world changing event from the last two season’s. Everything is fine and dandy, no one has a single worry in the world! How enthralling...I miss Godbrand 😑

Besides the plan the four empresses have as well as Issac’s revenge, which I hope will both be more explored in season 4, no one really has any goal to warrant THAT kind of length of a season. This is more of a Netflix problem that I have with most of their shows and it’s one of the reasons why I don’t like watching them. Almost every singe show Netflix produces now, feels the need to overstuff itself with needless filler that gets us really nowhere until the very end where it SUDDENLY all comes together. But because of the nature of binge watching and considering how Netflix wants to desperately keep their subscriptions in fear of intimidating competition, they make these shows 12 episodes long with HALF HOUR OR MORE amount of filler content that’s supposed to satisfy us cause it’s “cute”?! No, stop this shit! Granted, Castlevania wasn’t nearly AS bad as the live action shows, but honestly, what exactly was shown to us that couldn’t have been reduced to like 5 solidly paced episodes focused on one or two plot lines ONLY like before? It worked perfectly back then, why change what ain’t broke?

As much as I don’t like the immediate rush of Trevor and Syph’s out of nowhere sexual relationship, I didn’t overall mind it too much since they still somewhat felt consistent. Their characteristics play off very nicely with one another and it’s pretty easy to see the chemistry between the two....HOWEVER I’M STILL GONNA COMPLAIN ABOUT IT SO HERE WE GO!

I get that they were setting them up as an endgame ship of the series, there’s no denying that, but they start fucking for what feels like (to the audience) two days after and I think that’s a bit ridiculous! Even if Alucard states that it’s been at the very least a month worth of time since the events of Season 2, there’s no real physical signs showing that statement to be true. Hell, Trevor’s beard and hair remains the same despite a HUGE passage of time where it would naturally grow out to indicate said time passing by. But both him, Syph, Alucard, and damn near everyone else looks the exact same as last season. So for all I know it could have been like a week since Season 2 and that to me doesn’t feel exactly earned. The Season 2 finale didn’t explicitly leave off Trevor and Syph officially a couple, they felt more like partners in crime more than anything else. Not to say that there wasn’t any chemistry there to develope INTO a relationship GRADUALLY, but going from a little spark of interest to the immediate jump of them sleeping together naked all comfortably as if they’re a goddamn married couple is a STRETCH! Even Trevor himself thinks so too so don’t jump down my throat about not being immediately swooned by the shipping fanservice given to us. I don’t dislike them as a couple at all, in fact I think their dynamic is cute! However, I would have also liked to have this couple feel natural and earned. They most certainly do not feel earned this way, at least to me.

Oh god, then there’s this out of nowhere sexual tension between Alucard and his new two recruits from another region hinted at in the previous season? Mind you, Alucard was doing literally NOTHING throughout the entirety of Season 3. Yep, literally the ONE DUDE WHO BASICALLY KILLED DRACULA gets about fuck all story progression afterwards out of the three. But what they DO give him are these two new vampire hunting student’s who look identical to one another (no racial they just literally look like fraternal twins) so I assumed they were either siblings or a couple, which makes it REALLY WEIRD WHEN THEY BOTH FUCK ALUCARD OUT OF NOWHERE?! I’m NOT making this shit up I promise! What makes even less sense is that it was really just a ploy for them to steal the Belmont knowledge of killing vampires to show to their people who have been enslaved. Which of course ends with them being killed so it really makes this entire conflict in his character damn near pointless besides “sad vibes check”, but here’s the thing...why didn’t they just keep doing training with Alucard?? There were virtually no downsides to having him teach you how to kill Vampires to save your village from being enslaved, he was teaching you both very well and gave you like the eternal knowledge of how to kill literally EVERY MONSTER and even let you live in the castle FOR FREE, food and wine included! What was the turning point for them to want to kill him all of the sudden? Cause he’s a vampire?? THEY FUCKING KNEW THAT ALREADY!!! Why was is suddenly not a problem at first but then coincidentally a problem now? If they wanted to use this to somehow depict this notion of “Oh my dad/Dracula was right humans are the worst” mindset, trust me, it was better conveyed with Isaac. These twins side plot not only made no sense, but also felt unjustified for Alucard to be an emo boi. I get that it’s supposed to be symbolic of him going through the same issues that both of his parents went through, but none of that really showed how bad human’s are. Just that those two twins didn’t think things through apparently. So the point of Alucard having this odd character convenience shift feels by the numbers cliché, and most importantly CHEAP.

It really makes no sense to me why they’re adding so much of this filler for such a long time, especially with some of this filler being oddly sexual. I don’t mind honest depiction of sex between consenting adults of course, but it just felt so misplaced and awkward at parts where it showed itself. I felt like I was reading a mediocre fanfic of Castlevania instead of the actual show itself! Granted, Season 2 had somewhat of a similar dilemma but the lull in between was still showing the character specifically doing things to further the story along. Towards the end, it gave us a way more satisfactory closure of that saga with Dracula that felt natural and well earned. This season however, felt like they were scrambling with different ideas here and there and didn’t know which to go with. Alucard training new recruits in his castle, Trevor and Syph figuring out an estranged (and BORING/GENERIC) cult of Dracula’s plan, Camilla setting up an army with her fellow sisterhood of evil vampires to gain ultimate power, Hector surviving captivity by using his wit and charm, Isaac raising up the dead for revenge on his deceased master, a new character introducing an all new world to the lore of Castlevania as we know it, all of these interesting concepts and ideas that could easily make up for a good season alone! And instead of focusing on one or two ideas to develope into something natural, they ended up saying “FUCK IT! Fucking I dunno what to- WE’RE DOING ALL OF IT I DUNNO!” and mixed the whole thing in a blender of different flavors that don’t necessarily blend together well enough for a tasty satisfactory meal. It just ends up being a mesh of okay at best, and gross at worst.

IN CONCLUSION, Castlevania Season 3 had a rocky start, an okay middle, and a kind of cool end. There was definitely some cool and exciting ideas implemented in here, but not enough to warrant that lengthy amount of time that Netflix seems to love to give to most of their TV shows. Sometimes less is more, and all that shiny cool glitter isn’t necessarily going to turn out to be gold. I’ll give this season a 5/10. It’s not the worst I’ve ever seen but it certainly could’ve been a lot better.

P.S. “Who Do Ya Voodoo” from Dead Island is Isaac’s new theme song, you can’t convince me otherwise.

#castlevania #season 3 spoilers #spoilers #unpopular opinion #review #netflix castlevania #critique

[anarcoqueer1994]

Be My Beard?

A story about the Kippen family being terrible and homophobic and Amber and TJ being the best disaster gays.

(Please be kind, wrote this post seizure today so my brain is being wonky <3 )

TJ and Amber Kippen were gay. Very gay. But neither teenager was out to the family. Of course they knew the other one wasn't straight, they could never keep anything a secret between each other. But the thought of telling the whole family scared both of them.

A few years back, when Amber was in the 8th grade, and TJ was in the 6th, an incident happened that freaked them both out. They were having Christmas dinner with their parents, both sets of grandparents, and a bunch of aunts, uncles, and all their kids. Amber recently figured out she was a lesbian. She had told TJ and of course he was supportive and excited for her. But neither could predict how their family would react. And they needed to know before Amber came out, and even though he hadn't said it out loud, before TJ came out.

So at Christmas dinner she decided to test the waters to check how they would react. Amber casually said, "This girl in my class just told everyone she was a lesbian, isn't that so brave of her?" She muses.

Her aunt Robin on her dad's side was the first to speak up. "All these kids think they are gay at your age, sweetheart. She will figure it out." 

Out of the corner of her eye a few people nodded. But then it goes back to general talking and laughing at the table. But Amber and TJ needed to know more. So TJ decides to poke a little further. Over the voices around him, he says"But what if she doesn't 'figure it out?' What if she does only like girls the rest of her life? What if that makes her happy?"

Amber and TJ's grandma(on their mom's side) gets a very serious look on her face. The room is silent and awkward. She stares at Amber for a few moments, as if she was trying to calculate something. Then she turns to TJ, giving him a similar look. Finally she breaks her silence and coldly says, "Well then I would remind that girl that maybe she should think about what that would do to her family and friends, and that she should figure how to keep those feelings under control. It is all for the best...." She put on a sweet smile and quickly adds, " Hypothetically, of course." 

Then, just like that, everyone goes back to talking and laughing. No one bothered to defy her or what she said. Both Kippen siblings are left staring into their plates in quiet worry the rest of the night.

In the year that followed, both of them learned to 'hide' from their feelings, even denying the truth from each other. 

"Ambs, What are you doing going out with this guy, Jonah?" TJ asks, while sitting on her bed, as she does her hair for school.

"I happen to really like Jonah." She says in a voice that is uncertain if she is trying to convince TJ or herself.

"Don't lie to me, I know the truth. You have become colder to people, especially other girls. And you have become so clingy and possessive towards Jonah. You are pretending to be someone you are not. Amber, no matter what grandma says, it is okay if you are a les..."

"You don't know anything, TJ!" she cuts him off. "Don't start with me. Don't act like I don't see how much more of a jerk you have become since last year at Christmas. You have been trying to act like this hotshot, super 'manly' jock with a bad attitude to hide the fact that you are gay."

TJ quickly gets up and heads to the door. "Whatever Amber....I'm not gay. " He slams her door.

And it was like that for a while. But then they meet Andi and Cyrus, and both of them knew they were fucked. 

Amber first saw Andi when the other girl was talking to Jonah. Right away, Andi made Amber feel weak in the knees. Amber was terrified that Andi would bring out the feelings she had been working so hard to suppress. So she responded to those fears by purposely being as cold as possible to Andi and clinging tighter than ever to Jonah. But then she and Jonah broke up and even more surprisingly, she and Andi became friends.

There were some hiccups along the way in their friendship. There was the time at the ferris wheel. Most people assumed she left because she was jealous of Andi being with Jonah. In reality, she was jealous that Jonah was Andi's choice and not her. 

Then there was the warehouse party. That night she held Andi's hand for the first time. She remembers looking into Andi's little Bambi eyes and melting. That scared her. So soon, she took the opportunity to get close to Jonah again. He was her disguise. That's why she pushed so hard when they were dating, tricking herself into believing that she loved him so no one would suspect that she was a lesbian.

But always in the back of her head was Andi. So when she and Jonah broke up, it was almost liberating. She and Andi got closer and at Andi's party, they danced and her heart felt like it was going to pound out of chest. Then less than a week later, Andi texted her, asking her to meet her at The Spoon. That night Andi asked her out and against her better judgment, she said yes. They have been together ever since, a little more than a year now.

The other Kippen sibling was just as powerless against love. Cyrus gave him the courage and freedom to be himself, if only to just their friends. So both Amber and TJ were with people they loved who loved them back. Unfortunately...they had to keep it a secret to everyone but their close friends to negate the risk of their family finding out.

This was working out fine for a while. Their parents just assumed that Cyrus and Andi were their friends. But one day towards the end of TJ's freshman year, their plan started to crumble. Their grandparents were over and the family was catching up in the living room. The conversation was innocent enough until their parents leave the room and their grandma started asking about their personal lives. There grandfather sits obviously on the couch next to her.

"So tell me about what is going on in your lives?" She asks, looking between her grandkids. "Anything special? Anyone special?" She smiles.

Both kids look uncomfortably at the ground so she pushed on, in a faux sweet voice. "What about that girl in your class, dear? Remember the one you told me about a few years back?" Looking at Amber. "Did she ever figure out that this gay thing was a phase?"

They both knew what she was implying. She wanted to know if they were done with this "phase." They weren't dumb. She may not know specifics but their grandmother had a hunch and it scared them. Amber looks up quickly to meet her grandmother's eye, as awkward silence filled the room. She cleared her throat. "Yeah, she did. She even has a boyfriend now." 

"Oh, she does?" Their grandmother grins. "So what about you two? I know, Amber, you must be beating guys away with a stick." Then their grandfather speaks for the first time. "And TJ, must be like me back in the day. You are a real lady's man, aren't you?" The old man smiles.

TJ doesn't know what came over him but he finds himself speaking up. "Actually, I have a...." he suddenly forces himself to pause, his senses coming back to him. 

"A what dear?" The older woman asks.

"Um, a girlfriend." He lies through his teeth.

"Oh really? And what her name?"

TJ panics. He did not think this through. Amber looks over and sees her brother's look of fear and worry, so she steps in.

"Teej's girlfriend is wonderful! She's actually my best friend, Andi."

"What about you Amber? Do you have a special guy?"

"Uh yeah. His name is...its Cyrus. He's a boy in TJ's class." TJ is dumbfounded, looking at his sister as he tries his best to play along.

Their grandmother looks absolutely giddy. "I must meet them! You should bring them to family dinner on Sunday!"

"What?!" Both siblings say in unison.

"Yea, bring them to dinner this Sunday!" Their grandpa agrees. Every Sunday, they and their parents go to their grandparents house for dinner. But neither of them expected them to invite Andi and Cyrus.

Amber stutters "But aren't those special family time?" 

"Nonsense!" Their grandma exclaimed. Right then their parents return. She turn to their mom, her daughter. "Kim, I told the kids they can bring their special people Sunday." 

Their mother turns to them. "I didn't know you kids were dating anyone."

"Um, yea mom. I am dating Andi, Amber's friend. And you know how close Cyrus and Amber are." TJ tries to play off.

"That's so exciting!" She squeals. "Definitely bring them."

The kids groan internally knowing there is no getting out of this now.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

So that is how they ended up at The Spoon, nervously waiting for Andi and Cyrus. They sat on the same side of the booth, so when Cyrus and Andi walk in, they scoot into the other side across from the Kippen siblings. Both teens immediately notice the look of apprehension on their SO's face.

"What's going on guys?" Andi asks cautiously.

"Yea, you guys are scaring me." Cyrus adds, Andi nodding her head in agreement.

Amber lets out a dry laugh. "It's actually a funny story...um well…." TJ nervously smiles beside her. "We need you guys to be our beards this Sunday." She finishes.

"What do you mean, Ambs?" Andi reaches her hand across the table to grab Amber's.

"I, um, mean that our grandma came over the other day and started asking all these questions and we kind of ended up lying to her and she thinks Cyrus is my boyfriend and you are TJ's girlfriend. Then she told us to invite you guys for dinner. So we need you guys to help us to pretend to be happy straight couples for one night."

Cyrus and Andi share matching faces of shock. Cyrus says "You guys know how crazy this sounds, right?"

"Cy," TJ says pleasingly. "Our family isn't like yours or Andi's. Our parents, and especially our grandparents, are so anti-gay." There is almost a shared pain in the Kippen kids eyes as he speaks.

Cyrus' voice softens. "I know, Teej. I'm sorry. I will do it, if it will help you guys out."

Amber looks at Andi. "Bambi? What do you say?"

Andi smiles at the blonde haired girl staring at her. "Of course. I still think it is crazy but anything to help."

In that moment, TJ and Amber knew how lucky they were to have such amazing partners. The rest of the night was spent planning for Sunday. They needed to get everything right.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

The night they had been dreading finally arrived. They were having Andi and Cyrus meet them at their grandparent's house right before dinner. They figured, the less time they had to act out this charade in front of their family, the better.

Dinner was set to start at 7, and like clock work, Cyrus and Andi show knock on the front door around quarter til. When the kids open the door, Cyrus has a bouquet in his hands. He hands it to Amber and says "My lady. " TJ laughs to himself at the obvious show Cyrus is putting on. 

"Thank you, Cy." She smiles. Out of the corner of her eye, she sees Andi wink, tipping her off to the fact that Andi picked those out. She blushes at that thought. Just then their grandfather walks up and slaps his arms around his grandkids' shoulders. 

"See TJ, that's how you treat a lady." He smiles and jokingly continues to TJ, "This young man is really showing you up bringing  flowers for Amber and you didn't get anything for this beautiful girl." He motions to Andi.

"What can I say. Grandpa? Cyrus really knows how to make a girl happy. " All four kids crack a knowing smile at the absurdity of it all.

"Well let's get you kids out of the doorway. We are about to eat." Amber and TJ nod as their grandfather speaks.

TJ moves forward and puts his arm around Andi's shoulder. They both try to look as if this is normal but aren't quite sure they are convincing. TJ hurriedly walks her to the table. Amber grabs Cyrus' hand and follows her brother and girlfriend.

They quickly sit around the long table. Andi and TJ on one side, and Amber and Cyrus on the other. The adults filled in the spaces in between as the begin to eat. It isn't long before their grandmother starts interrogating their "dates." Their parents stay quiet for the most part, letting their grandmother lead the conversation.

She starts with Andi. "Andi, that's an interesting name."

"Yeah, I guess." Andi awkwardly replies, not knowing what to say to that.

"A girl with such a unique name must have an exciting life. Tell me about yourself, dear."

"Well, I go to SAVA and focus on painting and sculpture. But I also love photography." Amber looks intently on Andi as she speaks. The way she always does, like she is holding onto every word. 

"Really?" Their grandma seems genuinely interested, as well as the other adults there. There dad asks, "What is your favorite thing to photograph?"

"I love doing candid shots of people, like I got this really great shot of Amber a few weeks ago." As soon as she realizes what she said, she freezes.

But it doesn't seem to phase anyone. Their grandfather says "Doesn't surprise me, our Amber could be a model. Isn't that right, Cyrus?" He elbows the brunette boy next to him, smiling. 

"Yes sir. She is beautiful." Cyrus smiles before taking Amber's hand over the table. What no one sees is he and TJ playing footsie across the table.

TJ gets the hint that he should probably say something. "Andi's pictures are amazing. She has these great pictures of all her friends. Like there is this really good one of Cyrus on the swings and it's like black and white. It's such a good picture." Andi smiles.

"Teej, you know I hate that one." Cyrus replies.

As if she was speaking for TJ, Amber replies "You know how much I love that picture. You look so cute." TJ looks down and smiles to himself. 

Their grandmother clears her throat. "Anyhow, what about you Cyrus? What do you got going on?"

"Well, I write for the school newspaper and am in the drama club."

Mrs. Kippen, their mother speaks for the first time all night. "I used to write for Grant's newspaper back in my day. What do you write on?" She grins.

"Mainly I'm assigned sports, specifically basketball related news since I am at every game anyhow."

"You like basketball?" Their grandfather questions.

"Not really sure. But I understand  it a lot better now. I am at all the girl's games because our friend, Buffy is on the team. And of course I am at the boy's games because of TJ." Their grandmother shoots him a questioning look.  "You know, Andi is my best friend so of course she drags me along to see her boyfriend play." He says, saving them from an awkward situation.

Dinner continues on without any more close calls. The teens all play their part well. That is until desert. Their grandmother brought out a decadent pie she baked. Everyone was welcome to cut off a slice. Cyrus goes to cut a small slice, when the knife slips, cutting his finger. He hisses in pain as he brings the finger to his face to examine the cut.

Without thinking, when he sees Cyrus hurt herself, TJ blurts out. "Are you okay, Muffin?" The room goes silent and TJ's heart drops.

His grandmother coldly asks "Why did you just call this boy, muffin?"

TJ looks down before saying, "I need to go." He dashes out of the room and to the backyard. As he does, Amber notices the look of sadness and fear in his face. She has now switched to full on protective sibling mode. Meanwhile Cyrus, without hesitation goes after him.

The old woman turns her attention to Amber. "What is going on?" Their parents look at the girl in equal confusion.

Amber takes a deep breath before standing up from the table. Andi looks at her, waiting to follow her lead. "Grandma, I know you know what is going on."

Her grandmother plays dumb. "What are you talking about?"

"Come on, it's the elephant in the room that none of you want to talk about. I see the way grandma and grandpa look at me and TJ." She turns to her parents. "I see the way you two look at us, so how about you ask me?"

"Ask you what, young lady?" Her mother replies.

"Ask me if I am a lesbian, mom." Her mother turns away, refusing to meet her daughter's eyes. Andi takes this as her cue to walk around the table and stand behind Amber, ready to be her support.

Through clenched teeth, Amber commands again. "ASK ME IF I'M GAY."

Her grandmother speaks next. "Don't  talk to your parents like that!"

"Well then, how about I talk to you like that,  then?! Grandma, you know the truth! I see it in your eyes. You know what I am. What TJ is!"

"Amber! Calm yourself!" The older woman replies. "We are not going to discuss this! You have no idea what you are talking about!"

"Yes, we are!" The blonde explodes. Tears mixed with anguish and rage stream down her face. "I'm tired of not talking about this! I'm tired of pretending! You need to accept that you have two QUEER grandkids." She turns to her parents. "You have two QUEER kids." Neither of her parents look at her. Her grandfather stares at his plate. The only person staring at her is her grandmother.

In a calm, icy voice, the woman speaks. "You are a disgrace. This behavior is embarrassing and honestly I feel bad for you. You are so confused." Amber freezes, hoping her parents stand up for her but no one speaks. Tears fall harder.

No one, but Andi. Andi grabs Amber's hand. The younger girl says defyingly. "Amber is the best person I know. She loves harder than anyone I know. She puts her heart out there and trusted me enough to protect it." Andi smiles softly before her features contort to anger as she stares at the adults around her."She deserves the world, not a family who treats her like this. I never want to see her cry, especially at the hands of the people that should love her the most."

The room is quiet. Andi starts to pull Amber to the backyard where the boys are.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

Meanwhile, Cyrus had followed TJ outside. TJ slams his fist into the banister on the back patio. "Fuck. I messed up everything."

Cyrus comes up behind him and wraps his arms around the older boy. He rests his head on his shoulder. "You didn't mess up anything."

"Cy, I slipped up. They are all going to know." His voice cracks.

"You are fine, Teej. They are the ones who forced you to lie."

TJ looks down trying to hold himself together. Cyrus slips his hands off TJ so he can get to the side of him so they could look at each other, with TJ turning his body so they staring face-to-face. When he sees the fear in TJ's face and eyes, polluting every beautiful part of him, it breaks his heart. They both hear yelling from the inside. Amber is confronting the family.

"Oh god…" TJ says guiltily. "I just left Amber in there to deal with this. Now I'm an even bigger fuck up."

Before Cyrus could answer, they hear Andi defending Amber and TJ smiles if only for a moment. Cyrus whispers, "Hey you know the same goes for you too. You don't deserve to have your family hurt you. You deserve only love." Cyrus promises. Instinctively, TJ buries his face into Cyrus' shoulder as the brunette wraps his arms around TJ. 

Just then, Andi and Amber walk outside. Andi is holding onto Amber like she is trying to keep the other girl from falling into pieces. They step closer. "Cy?" Andi asks.

"Yea?" Cyrus whispers in return. 

"Let's get out of here. I think we all know they aren't sleeping at their house tonight." 

 

Cyrus nods. That night, all 4 of them had a sleepover at Andi's. They weren't sure on the plan for the next day. But that night, all that mattered was being together.

#andi mack #Tyrus #ambi #tj kippen #amber kippen #cyrus goodman #Andi #disaster gay TJ #disaster lesbian Amber #Amber is the lesbian queen who deserves the world.

[fergalamorous]

5-7-20

I just finished half of my last finals week as an undergraduate and saw a post on how “you knew you were nonbinary” and felt the urge to make a good old-fashioned tumblr ramble about queerness, gender identity and the passage of time.

I never ‘knew’ I was bi. I never ‘knew’ I was nonbinary. I had to realize both of those facts about me. One of them was told to me. My boyfriend at the time said “L, do you think you might be bisexual?” And I laughed. I thought ‘is that something I’m allowed to be?’ I remember that being my first thought. My sibling was bi, came out in college, and at the time had just gotten married to a woman. Even though I knew about the concept of queerness, even of bi-ness, I think I thought everyone was attracted to women. I wish I could go back in time and roll my eyes at myself. 

I’d been attracted to women as long as the concept of attraction existed to me, 3 of my first kisses were my girl best friends at the time, my barbies all had wives and girlfriends, but it never occurred to me that I could have a girlfriend in the same capacity that I had had boyfriends. After he said it, very nonchalantly might I add, I kind of just accepted it, and coming out wasn’t really a thing I did. I wasn’t nervous when I told my family I was bisexual. One of them said “no shit” another said “I thought you were gonna come out way before your sibling”. Everyone knew, my boyfriend, my parents. Everyone but me. I say that like it was some great mystery but I also a year before I ‘realized’ spent around a year being extremely gay with my best friend. Just gals being pals as it were. I don’t think this was denial, I was just clueless.

I spent a long long time really coming to feel a part of the queer community, understanding what it means to be lgbtq+ and feeling comfortable as a bi human (read: going to gay bars, drinking, and dancing with 50 year old lesbians at that one pride event.) I really seeped myself in my queerness, 3 years ago living in a very queer centric house we called Camp Queer Abyss. It was me, two gay men, a nonbinary gay human who essentially moved in with us when they started dating one of the men. I knew several nonbinary people at this point in my life. While it is possible due to exclusionary groups, you don’t really get that balls deep into the queer community without hitting trans. Out of my three gay roommates, 2 were also trans. I knew and learned a lot about being trans over the years but I thought, “but that’s them, and this is me.” 

When the topic of gender came up, which it often did, I remember for years distinctly saying “I don’t even have time to *think* about that”. This had a rough translation to “I am still figuring out all this bi stuff, I know how complicated being trans is, I will let future L handle that. That’s her problem.” Come to think of it this was distinctly denial. I think deep down I knew. I knew and was trying to tell myself at every turn, but I was refusing to listen. On a call with my mother I let slip that my long hair made me dysphoric. I knew the definition of the term and thought yes that is how I feel, but saying that meant nothing to me at the time. Felt kind of weird but also true. Then a year ago happens. 3 years of denying myself the thought of my gender. Over-performing as a female, wearing skirts, lots of make up and jewelry, long hair, and heels all of which which I openly hated wearing and having. When I stopped drinking that all kind of stopped. I started wearing things that made me comfortable. I cut my hair. And I focused on school and my future. 

This was just another opportunity to be in denial. I couldn’t think about gender if I was thinking about school. Good news, that didn’t last much longer. I was with my boyfriend about a year ago, maybe earlier. We were just talking casually in my room. I can’t even remember what we were talking about but it wasn’t even related to gender. Out of no where I burst into tears. At the time I didn’t even know why I started crying saying “this is so weird I’m sorry” but when he asked me why, I instantly knew and said “I don’t feel like a woman.” It’s the first time I even said or thought that sentence. I was coming out to myself in the same breath, and I think it was something I was holding onto for so long that the release was impulsive and emotional. Like a dam bursting. It was relieving and terrifying at the same time. 

While he and I split later due to unrelated things, he saw me through all of the early stages of my identity transformation. He is the only one who saw me crying at school lunch about my father’s struggle with my identity and the only one who heard me say “I wish to god I wasn’t trans, I don’t want this to be my life”. I didn’t want to tell anyone because I didn’t want it to be me. This was different than telling people I am bi, because I am a white, attractive bi woman and I have privilege in that a number of people think that it’s “hot” and not “disgusting”. I was a lucky queer person as I didn’t ever fear for my life for loving who I love. I felt casual saying it. I am also lucky to live in a more progressive state which was a huge plus as well. While I just breezed passed the closet for my queerness, I never hopped quicker in a closet after realizing I was trans. It’s still scary, as of today half of my family doesn’t know, and, of the half that do, a number still struggle to accept it. I was in the closet at all the schools I went to over the last year, only telling my teachers for one semester my pronouns and going right back to just accepting people wouldn’t call me them and I wouldn’t fight them on it. I didn’t feel strong enough yet to fight them. 

I remember each conversation I had coming out to people. I remember the people I felt safe and comfortable telling. I remember the people that I was terrified of telling. I remember all of it because each conversation was deliberate, planned to the t, and thought out for days in advance. This is what coming out feels like. It’s terrible and I hate it and I am sorry for everyone who experienced it when they were too young to manage the emotions that come with it. I absolutely understand why queer and trans youth suicide rates are so high, it is an abomination that they should feel this. I was terrified to tell my own sister who has loved and supported me no matter what my entire life. I, this entire year, have still not told her mother whom I see regularly, out of fear that she would not let me see this child who has become my strongest ally. Even though I told her why I was scared and she said she would leave her mom to live with dad if she ever tried to keep her from me. I think I feel more comfortable knowing I can go and it won’t be as much of an issue. 

I told everyone I wanted to tell to keep my sanity within the difficulty of not being out, but I’m aching to just be fully out and begin being public with my transition. Hell recently I told my grad advisor to call me by my true name and he just does now and it is euphoric every time he uses it. And honestly, this weekend I plan on telling everyone. I was planning on telling most of my family this weekend but it turns out my mom told them so that’s some weight off my shoulders, so it’s really just down to telling my stepmom. Aside from her I think I am just going to change my name on facebook to Eli and during Pride Month share a bunch of nonbinary shit. I told my mom just now I want my graduation anouncements to say Elijah Lauren Mercer, as I’m keeping Lauren as a middle name instead. Ok. I think I’m out of things to say. 

#enby progress

[chonkyspacekitten]

No reblog please

Idk i just wanna update on my life at the moment. Its been a while. I dont really like to talk about my relationship in public forums online and i also wanna give my mutuals an explantion for my splotchy texts cause i have like 80 something messages on here rn. Ive just been so busy and emotionally drained. Sorry if i message you after like a month, start a convo but then just trail off, then respond to that response 3 months later and trail off again-

sorry sometimes yall just miss my social window yall gotta be quicker😅😅😅

Kidding kidding, but once its closed, its closed until further notice. im sorry and im trying i cherish yall a lot, my mutuals and people i still text on here. But god texting has gotten so hard the past year idk why...

My regular texting sucks too so yall arent missing much btw but happy to obliged, it if anyones interest lol, along with my messenger im on FB a lot.

But anyways. My life for the past year.

Me and my girl are in the closet, everyone knows we are dating, besides her dad and town. He doesnt know and wow it feels like we're really getting away with something LMAO

We are long distance but we kinda do this back and forth thing whenever we can. Usually every 2-3 months. Like we'll stay at each other's houses for like weeks, and its become my 2nd home, and their parents love me, my dad loves her.

We are currently trying for jobs. We both have mental illness obvi, so its hard. Really really hard. But we are trying. We're saving up to move in together. Our situation isnt ideal rn we, dont really expect to even think about moving for about a year or 2, for multitude of reasons. It just isnt realistic.

I'm also trying for disability. Doing odd jobs like mowing the lawn...really relaxing.

Am In between saying fuck it and just getting a job RIGHT now or just waiting. I first applied for social security december of last year. Denied twice. Wish me luck, i may even have to get a lawyer.

Apparently you can have a job while on disability so long as you don't make too much money...and i want a job man, but with the way my mental state is...it would do me good to actually leave the house and try to get more human interaction besides just grocery shopping myself and going to the thrift shops by myself lol or the occasional movie outing with my gf

I now have a resume. And wanna work at the gas station, library and/or Dollar tree near me. All of which im pretty comfy at. Wish me luck.

My mental health recovery...this has been a year of breakthroughs man im really making strides

Im discovering more and more traumas. Learning how to deal with shit. Its been hell for my depression but ive been growing and evolving and becoming more in tune with myself and my emotions and shit

Me and my partner are doing okay. We are okay and healthy. They have a therapist too now!

We are doing so good. We are able to be so vulnerable with each other. We talk for hours until we figure out a miscommunication. She holds me like a baby, she just squeezes the pain out of me , ive never had anyone try to understand me the way Amy does. And i give the same back. I cant keep my eyes and hands to myself. I have to look away when i stare at her for more than 2 seconds, i just cant

My heart feels with so much joy that it scares me and it feels like im gonna burst

Ive never felt this way before, about anyone

My ex? Whos a guy? And any other person ive had interest in?

The fact that most of the people ive been into have all acted "feminine", been fellow genderqueer, but AMAB at the time, and 2 have both come out as trans girls at some point...shouldve been a sign lmao. But nope, "i like guys...i like girls but cant imagine myself being romantically involved with a girl, only sexual . Guys more so emotionally i guess. *has literally never imagined actively living with a man before, getting married. Didnt even want to meet my first bf irl. But looked at boobs and was that 12 year old with a lesbian porn and hentai tiddie addiction*....yes im straight :)"

Actually coming to the realization that i can have a wife...wow that shook me. Id never considered. Or thought realistic. i was "normal", what compulsory heterosexuality wanted me to believe.

Im still struggling coming to terms in my sexuality. Been in straight up denial since i was early teens but ive known i was different since 8. Im growing in this area too, im trying. We both are actually.

1 year, 7 months ❤

We are both genderqueer demisexual sapphics/wlw❤❤

To all my sapphics in the closet with partners, i wish to you my luck and blessings

We are allowed to be happy, no one can change us

We are allowed to have happy endings, and we can whether the straights like it or not.

Tl;dr: doin really good, hard year of growth but making strides in my sexuality, relationship, goals and ambitions. Pretty grand.

#me.txt #wlw positivity #mental illness positivity #good vibes #lgbtq #genderqueer #nonbinary

[sergeant-angels-trashcan]

anyway i finally saw endgame and surprisingly??? i did not hate it to the very primal core of my being??? 

but also i had like....the LOWEST standards for it, so that might be it more than how good the movie actually was.

really i just feel very “what a bizzare fanvid i just watched”

Onward!

The Good:

the whole Steve-in-the-Elevator scene. My little stuckate shipper heart was just like FUCK THEM UP BOO.

“that is America’s ass”

uh....

rocket!

and nebula! god i adore nebula more and more every day

and Valkyrie was soooo good and I’m glad Meiks and Korg were there

also Rescue fucking finally

and the whole a-force visual towards the end there, i appreciated that

also Carol’s lesbian haircut

STEVE BEING FUCKING WORTHY OF THE HAMMER FUCK YES

Sam getting the shield!

everyone coming out of their magical glowing portals

fucking. QUEEN BRUNNHILDE sorry KING BRUNNHILDE

find her a wife ffs

but also

fuck this movie

so like...it was REALLY slow for the first hour. at least. i was getting bored actually

Tony’s daughter was adorable and I love dad!tony but it’s also in line with Marvel giving men families to give them More Pain and I’m over that

also are you trying to tell me he wouldn’t have named her some derivative of peter? or carol, or nebula, since they’re the reason he is alive? i call bullshit

“marvel’s first openly gay character” you know what fuck you marvel

that woman in the support meeting might be kate in a future fic i’m just saying

for as much time as they spend tooling around this new universe they really didn’t give us much information--who is in charge? how are you getting electricity?

all i wanted was for gamora or nebula to kill thanos and i was denied this catharsis. fuck you. you can let an abuser kill the woman he abused but not vice versa? fuck. you. 

who was that random boy kid at tony’s funeral?

bold of the russos to assume peggy wouldn’t notice someone staring at her

how is nebula not dead? she killed a past version of herself so????

holy plot holes batman

because...the soul stone...YOU are supposed to sacrifice what is most important to YOU so...how does Natasha killing herself fulfill that requirement? Clint did not sacrifice her. This implies that Natasha loves herself the most and that means she would have gotten the stone...i’m so confused about this

how did no one notice nebula’s hands were wrong? you’ve known her for five goddamn years gang. yeah i get she covered it up but rhodey saw it get mcfried while getting the stone....this seems like something rhodey would notice. because. he’s fucking rhodey.

i get why like...narratively tony ~had~ to die but also...what’s wrong with fucking retirement? why couldn’t he pass the mantle of iron man on? like in? the comics? was that kid supposed to be iron lad i mean for realz

and I get that Steve got to have his happy ending with his one true love and that’s so great, but idk fam...i didn’t like it. and i think i don’t like it because it places this huge focus on Never Moving On and I guess some people probably do have their one true love and they never love another, but i think there’s real value in stories where people find love again, where people go through trauma and can still be happy even after going through loss. this is viscerally important to me

also i firmly believe that peggy is married to angie

does this mean steve knew sharon? since she knew peggy really well? and she kisses him? does steve just hide every time she comes over? it wasn’t creepy in civil war but it’s sure creepy now

although peggy explaining to everyone that her husband doesn't look ANYTHING like steve rogers is sort of hilarious. how did they even explain this.

no it’s getting worse because peggy has Alzheimer's supposedly well no fucking wonder she was confused with young!steve showing up and presumably her old husband steve showing up as well like. what. 

i mean. i’m glad steve got his happy ending

but i also feel like this was really insulting to bucky. Steve went back and never went out to find bucky? to stop him being tortured? the guy who is your best friend? you didn’t even say mcfucking goodbye? marvel was that “no homo” about their relationship in this movie???

chris and seb’s chemistry is just so strong they had to keep their shared dialogue to three lines?

i understand steve staying in the past. i get why they did it. i hate HOW they did it

wheremst the fuck is loki you fuckos

also all of Peter’s peers are 5 years older than he is

what on earth do the people who were dusted think of all the fucking ptsd all their loved ones have or the fact that THEY MISSED FIVE YEARS

was cassie living in that house all by herself?

also you know what it was really irritating when tony was blaming steve for not being around while completely ignoring any culpability he had in making it so that steve could not actually be around. and steve apparently made like the rest of us and blocked the events of civil war from his mind so he didn’t remember his valid fears

y’all fucked up your own timelines so bad like? sitwell is wandering around thinking cap is hydra, loki never spent time in asgard jail, or did the stones get replaced before those things happened? like immediately before? and if not i’m going to have to assume that loki went on the lam and then called noh to pick him up in earth airspace and noh becomes his unwitting getaway driver and eventually the ya get involved in interstellar crime shenanigans.

the fact that vision didn’t come back sort of implies that everyone who was killed before the snap didn’t come back, so that still leaves a shitton of asgardians dead, loki, and ???? who knows about gamora. right?

in conclusion, it was...okay. it had some really good moments but was mostly just “???????” for me. like, i’m not even mad. i’m going to erase it from my memory immediately except for Steve dating Kate in the five years and when Bucky comes back she’s just like “hey! I think we have the same boyfriend!” and they share custody of Steve until steve gets called in to consult on a mission and asks bucky to go on his date with kate and that’s how they become a triad 

#endgame #avengers endgame #endgame spoilers #also i'm willing to consider kate getting dusted and tony naming his daughter after her #im like...very unimpressed

[hillywooddestiel]

Insatiable

My Insatiable Rant

Prepare yourself cos I anticipate this getting long

I've watched Insatiable. I've watched the full thing from beginning to end. Therefore I am justified to give my opinion on it. And I liked it. I liked the show and wouldn't mind a second season.

For starters, I'm sick of seeing people lying/taking things out of context/ not even watching before passing judgment. The show is not about fat shaming, it's not homophobic, it's not serious! If you see a review and the person states straight away that they haven't watched the show in its entirety, it's not a trustworthy review.

1. Fat shaming

This show isn't about fat shaming. It's more about the effects of fat shaming. Patty gets punched in the face and subsequently loses a lot of weight resulting in her being "skinny". Her lawyer, also a pageant coach falsely accused of molestation, sees that she's skinny and asks her an interview style question to test if she could be his next pageant girl. Bob Armstrong, her lawyer, wants to take her under his wing and clear his name. When Patty goes back to school, people notice her because she's "hot" now after losing the weight (and having a makeover from Bob) but it's quickly pointed out to her (by Magnolia Barnard) that she's still the same girl and everyone still remembers Fatty Patty.

Debby Ryan is only in the fat sit for the first few minutes of the first episode. That is it! Patty's not even stick thin when she's "skinny", she had what I would say is a more realistic body for impressionable teen girls to see. Her ribs aren't sticking out, she still has belly rolls when she sits down, her face is still kind of round and not angular like a truly skinny person's would be. Throughout the show, Patty spends a lot of time looking in the mirror hating on herself because she's still not comfortable in her own body; she thinks she needs to be thinner and then maybe people will like her and she'll fit in. At one point, she breaks down in a store changing room because she hates her body. She clearly has body dismorphia!

It's never said that being fat was a bad thing. Yes it's said that "skinny is magic" but that's when things are going okay. When things go bad, Patty retracts the statement (she does the same thing when she thinks she's possessed). And in the end SPOILER ALERT, Patty has nothing. She's stood pushing a dead body into a lake with no boyfriend, no popularity, nothing.

2. Homophobia

The show isn't homophobic either.

Nonny- Nonny is Patty's best friend who also happens to have a huge crush on her. SPOILER ALERT Despite denying her sexuality at first, she eventually comes to terms with the fact that she likes women and even gets herself a badass girlfriend and the support of her dad.

Bob Barnard and Bob Armstrong- SPOILER ALERT These two end up together. Hot Bob is a little mean to Other Bob at first but it turns out he's been crushing on him since high school. Other Bob takes some time to come to terms with how he feels. He denies being bisexual ("Bisexuals are like demons or aliens. They don't exist") because saying he is would mean his feelings for Hot Bob are real and since he loves his wife, he doesn't want these feelings to be real. Also Hot Bob pushes him to be gay saying "Bi is just a stop on the train to Gayville. Chugga chugga choo choo!" so Other Bob feels that saying he's bi would mean he is gay. But really, I was surprised to initially find out he had a wife and not a husband. A lot of people are really up in arms about their comments on bisexuality because they don't keep watching to the episode after where Other Bob accepts that he is bi and loves both his wife and Hot Bob.

Brick Armstrong- He isn't gay but he does help out at an LGBTQ centre whole on probation. When everyone leaves the bikini dog wash, he calls up his friends from the centre and they help out. This includes drag queens, a lesbian woman who helps Nonny and a trans woman who discusses body image in the bathroom with Patty.

3. It's A DARK COMEDY

This show is sold as a dark comedy. A quick Google search of 'dark comedy' tells me

Black comedy, also known as dark comedy or gallows humor, is a comic style that makes light of subject matter that is generally considered taboo, particularly subjects that are normally considered serious or painful to discuss. Comedians often use it as a tool for exploring vulgar issues, thus provoking discomfort and serious thought as well as amusement in their audience. From Wikipedia

dark comedy

noun

1. a play, movie, etc., having elements of comedy and tragedy, often involving gloomy or morbid satire.

2. a comedy based on problems of a personal or social nature. Dictionary definition

It's not meant to be taken seriously and the style is nothing new. The are tonnes of funny jokes that are typical of a dark comedy but are taken out of context to persuade people that they should boycott the show.

Some points that people are not sure about

Patty's crush on Bob- SPOILER ALERT Patty develops a crush on Bob after he becomes her pageant coach. I can only pin point this down to the fact that he is one of the first people to be truly nice to her and he was in the same boat in high school. She views them as soulmates which of strange and a little uncomfortable to watch. But I do understand the reasoning.

The accents- The show is set in Georgia so everyone (except the kids?) has a very over the top southern accent. It is an odd choice but I wouldn't say it was a horrible one.

"Terrible acting"- Many people are criticizing the acting in the show. As someone who likes to think they can spot terrible acting a mile away, I didn't see it. Sure, there are iffy moments and none of it's Oscar worthy but it's a comedy show.

Some plot points are just left unanswered- this one I do agree with. So much happens and so much is left unanswered. SPOILER ALERT The rape case just gets ignored a lot after Regina is released from prison, Christian's dad gets injured in an accident and just disappears, the man that Patty's mum reaches out to is never fully explained (maybe we are to assume he is Patty's father but he gets arrested straight away and then her mum vanishes), the surgery Patty needed is never mentioned after the exorcism. I'm sure there's more but these are the main ones that spring to mind.

So to conclude...

Insatiable is not the show the advertising portrayed it to be, it's much better and goes deeper into issues. If you just don't like it, fine, that's not a problem. But, to those who stop part way through because they're so delicate that the views expressed by characters hurt their feelings and to those who made up their mind without a fair trial, I challenge you to finish the show and say the same things about it afterwards. If you would like to continue discussing the show or have questions, my ask box is open.

#insatiable #Netflix #Netflix insatiable #Netflix series #rant #not spn #not marvel #justice for Insatiable

[grandthorkiday]

Mob AU! “Playthings” Part 14

[Link to mob!au anon’s “Playthings" fic tag]

[Start at Part 1]*

(*Note: Link is editable for other parts, just change the number. For mobile users, tag is “playthings part1”)

They had had to restrain Tony when the judge put Gast under house arrest. “YOU’RE LETTING HIM GO HOME TO THE FUCKING FOUR SEASONS!”

Without missing a beat the Grandmaster had quipped, “The Four Seasons? Might as well book myself a night at the Motel 6 right outside the airport!” The courthouse had erupting into laughter and the sound of cameras snapping was heard. On the steps outside, the older man had turned the questions of the reporters into a sideshow attraction, going as so far to wave and blow a kiss towards Stark and Natasha.

“Bastard,” the female ADA had growled before the press descended on them to interview them as well.

Back at their office they had several missed phone calls from Strange.

“I can’t keep him from the television! He’s watching all the coverage! And Odin’s not helping! Every TV in this god damn house is turned to watching him!”

“Well that’s your department! It’s not like I can stop the TV from covering Gast.”

“What about a gag order?!”

“We could try it.”

They failed. The Grandmaster’s lawyer was quick to argue that Gast was a public figure. With all the businesses he owned, several of which relied on his ‘personality’, denying him the press would be tantamount to stripping of his possessions and livelihood. The old judge had nodded along with the argument as Tony and Val added him to growing list of ‘on the take’.

The next day, the media blitz began. It began in the morning with calls into radio shows and a few live podcasts. Gast described his 'prison’ in detail, the 'ludicrous’ notion being under house arrest in a hotel, and promoted several events in several of his venues. “Someone has to go and tell me how it is!”

Then came the interviews.

“We’re sitting here in the penthouse suites of the Gladiator Hotel with En Dwi Gast, also known as the Grandmaster. Gast had been accused of being the ruthless leader of the Sakaar mob family. But, the entrepreneur and business mogul says there is another side to the story. What is that side of the story?”

“I am being harassed and discriminated against by the State of New York and the New York City district attorney.”

“You can’t be fucking serious?” Val said in disbelief, nearly dropping her coffee.

“Discriminated against?” the reporter asked, leaning in interest.

“I am a successful openly pansexual man in a polyamorous relationship with two other men. Who are brothers. And younger than me! I’ve upset the apple cart. The social order. It maybe 2019, but the DA and Govenor wishes it was 1819.” He spread his arms out wide and looked directly into the camera. “I’m here. I’m queer. Get used to it.”

[read more cut]

“Fuck you,” Bruce called to the TV. Turning to Tony, he asked, “You seriously can’t do anything about that?! We got a lesbian cop who’s been on this case for nine years, and not once was his sexuality mentioned! He’s a rapist, no matter his fucking orientation.”

“We could leak to the press that one of his 'boyfriends’ is his accuser.”

“That might work!”

It didn’t.

“What is your version, Thor, of how you and En met?”

“It’s sorta cliche.” The blonde went slightly pink as he chuckled.

“Nothing about you, Sweetheart, is chiche!”

“Loki and I were at a bar, and this guy buys us a few drinks. I-we keep thinking he’s buying them for both of us because he wants to bang one of us but he doesn’t want to break the other one’s heart. That’s when this old sly dog leans across the table and bold as you please ask if we want a three way.”

“With your brother?”

“Adopted brother. And it turned out to be the best nights I’ve ever had. And come to find out, not only is the guy rich-”

“Oh I have spoiled you-”

“But he’s my soulmate. Or one of my soulmates. A third of my whole.” Thor leaned against Gast’s shoulder and smiled as the older man planted a kiss to his temple.

“I am going to vomit.” Tony said shaking his head in disbelief.

“What do you say to the fact that it’s being reported that it’s Loki, your other umm…significant other…who is your accuser?”

Gast dramatically shook his head. His eyes became red and puffy, and large fat tears appeared at the corners. “I’m sorry, can I have a minute?” The reporters nodded as Thor leaned over and rubbed the older man’s back whispering sweet words right the chest microphone he had been given. There was some loud sniffing as the video cut to several pictures of the Grandmaster smiling with Thor and Loki, kissing them and cuddling with them at several of his events. “Loki,” his voice was thick with emotion, “is being manipulated and I wish he would just come home. He’s a recovering addict, and even though Thor and I have been trying to keep him clean, we’ve never dug to the root of the problem.”

“My Father was a cruel man, and while he never beat us, he took out all his emotional cruelty on Loki. He was my Father’s whipping boy for everything that went wrong. And all Loki ever wanted was his approval, even now. I can see him convincing him this is the only way to get it.”

“He’s emotionally unstable and needs constant support and medical attention, things that I doubt that the DA and State are providing.”

“Fuck YOU!” Bruce jumped again from his seat. “I mean, we can prove that he’s been in the company of a psychiatrist since nearly the first day he escaped! Let’s tell them!”

“We’d be playing into his hands,” Tony shook his head. “If we tell the press that Loki is indeed seeing a psychiatrist, we prove his point. He could turn around and say, 'Why didn’t you get Dr. Smuck who is Loki’s primary I hire doctor?’.”

“So no matter what, we look like monsters?”

Tony shrugged. The phone rang. “I’m guessing he watched?”

Strange’s voice came over the speaker. “Yeah he watched.”

“And?”

“All he said was that Thor looks well and then he left. I don’t want to be too optimistic, but I think he’s been making a lot more progress than I give him credit for.”

The press was eating out of the Grandmaster’s hands, however. Sympathetically running his interviews where hosts would shed tears as they comforted him and Thor or cutting news conferences with DA’s office short in solidarity. Odin tried to do his own sympathetic interview only to come across off as stiff and about as emotionally distant. He kept referring to Loki as his 'adopted son’ and Thor as his son’.

“I make the distinction too,” Gast told one reporter afterwards, “but I’m not the man who watched as Frigga raised them.”

Again, Loki surprised them by taking it in his stride. “Dad and I were never close, but that hardly matters. He loves me, in his own way. And I am not letting…Gast….twist that. Nothing can change that.”

If there ever were words that tempted fate…

~~~~

“Babe.”

“Hmmm?”

“The phone. Before the kids wake up.”

Val groaned but rolled over and picked up her cell. “It’s two in the god damn morning. This better be good!”

“Shhhhh,” Carol hissed, eyes still shut.

“Valkyrie Brunnhilde?”

“Yeah?”

“J. Jonah Jameson here.”

“The newspaper guy?” she yawned.

“One and the same. Just a courtesy call about the video-”

“What video?”

“The video of Thor and Loki Valhalla…I’m sorry, I thought you would know. I mean a clip of it has been live for like four hours on Pornhub.”

She bolted out of bed, gathering clothes as she went. “A video…on Pornhub?! Of Thor and Loki?!”

“Yeah…um anway, my reporters were able to get a copy a censored full version.”

“I’ll be right over to pick it up! It’ll take me-”

“Whoa now! Like I said, this is a courtesy call. We’re posting it now.”

“WHAT?!” she screamed. The twins wailed from their bedroom and Goose the cat ran from the room. Carol sat up, sensing her distress. “The hell is on this video! Who else has it?!”

“Everyone, I should think. Oh, and Pornhub has announced they’ll post the uncensored version in about….an hour or so. Don’t shoot the mess-”

Val hung up and quickly scrolled to find Bruce’s number. Before she had even pressed call, her phone rang.

“You heard?”

“Oh yeah. We’re in deep fucking shit.”

#frostmaster #thundermaster #thorki #valkyrie #GrandthorkiB #fic #cw noncon implied #cw mental illness #cw drugs #cw rl drugs #playthings #submission #playthings part14

[bored-fan-bs-thoughts]

Fluff and Holiday Cheer: Chapter 4

I added some Kippen Sibling interactions and the possible beginnings of Ambi! Hope you enjoy!

If you missed Chapter 3, click here

----------

T.J. bursts into Amber’s room causing her to jump and throw her phone down on her bed.

“Please don’t burst in like that!” She yells frustrated.

“Sorry,” T.J. says half-heartedly before going in to a full-on rant. “How is it possible for one human being to be as adorable as Cyrus Goodman? I mean, come on! It’s not fair. His cute little rants and random dinosaur facts. His big chocolate-brown eyes and squish-able cheeks. And the smile that’s as bright as the sun. And don’t even get me started on the little shrug he does. Ugh I could die!”

“So you’re gay?” Amber questions, clearly taken aback by this new information.

“Oh yeah,” he laughs, “I’m gay. I’m surprised dad didn’t tell you.”

Amber just shrugs in response and pats her bed for T.J. to sit. As T.J. takes a seat, he notices Amber’s phone that is face up and open to her text conversation with Andi. He smiles up at her causing her to blush. The Kippen siblings are masters at non-verbal communication.

“Shut up,” She says, looking down embarrassed.

“I didn’t say anything,” T.J. responds throwing his hands up defensively.

“Let’s talk about Cyrus,” Amber says nudging her brother in the side.

“What else is there to say?” T.J. responds. “I mean he’s like a near perfect human. He’s inspired me to be a better person so I can be worthy of him.”

“I’ve noticed you’ve been in a much more pleasant mood lately,” Amber notes. “Is it because of him?”

“Yeah,” T.J. shrugs but his blush gives his feelings away. “He’s kind of amazing.”

Amber smiles and hugs T.J. She rubs his hair affectionately, and T.J. makes a weak attempt to escape her hair-ruining hands.

“Aww, even your hair is softer,” Amber notes. “You’re such a softie!”

She makes a move to squeeze his cheeks, but T.J. grabs her wrist and says, “I will kill you.” His harsh words, however, are undercut by his fond smirk.

“Are you going to tell him?” Amber asks.

“I think so,” T.J. responds, suddenly terrified of the impending conversation and potential rejection. “He’s coming over for Christmas, so I’ll have a lot of time with him alone. Dad thinks I should tell him then.”

“I agree,” Amber says. “You can do this.”

“Are you going to tell Andi?” T.J. questions with a poke to her side.

“Stop,” Amber purrs, “She’s probably straight anyway.”

“Just because she dated Jonah?” T.J. asks, “That’d be funny if two of Jonah’s ex-girlfriends dated.”

“Yeah,” Amber laughs grimly, “It’s not going to happen though.”

“Hey,” T.J. says comfortingly placing a hand on her shoulder. “She does seem to be spending a lot of time with you. You never know.”

“I love you, Teej,” She says as she picks up her phone and types out a response to Andi. T.J. attempts to look over her shoulder, earning him an elbow nudge to his side. He falls back onto the bed and begins to giggle.

T.J. hears a ding from his phone and notices the notification from Cyrus. He opens up his messages and sees a picture of the two of them from a few months ago causing him to smile like a dork. Amber smirks at T.J. suspiciously who shows her the picture, unable to speak. It depicted Cyrus trying to take a selfie, but his gaze was cast to T.J. who appeared to be wheezing with laughter. Underneath the picture was the text, “Candid pics are the best” with a red heart emoji.

“Ahh T.J.! Do you know what this means?” Amber squeals. “Why do you think anyone uses a red heart emoji?”

“It could just be like a bro thing,” T.J. suggests with a sheepish grin.

“No one ever just sends heart emojis as a bro thing,” she responds matter-of-factly. “T.J. are you actually this clueless?”

“I’m just scared to get my hopes up,” T.J. admits.

“It’s okay,” Amber comforts him, “Cyrus is kind and understanding. You have nothing to lose.”

“Except my dignity,” he mumbles.

A mischievous grin creeps onto her face as she says, “You didn’t have any to begin with.”

At this, T.J. forgets his worries as he pins her down aggressively. It would almost be intimidating, but his giggles give him away. Amber is accustomed to the attacks of her brother and she is able to hold her own agains the athletic teenager.

—————

Cyrus walks into The Spoon and immediately sees Andi sitting at her own booth in the corner of the restaurant. He walks up to her, and she looks up at him with a slight fear in her eyes.

“Are you waiting for someone?” Cyrus asks with worry lacing his voice.

She shakes her head no and gestures to the seat in front of her. “Just drowning my sorrows.”

Cyrus lets out an awkward laugh as he sits down and says, “I’m an expert at that.” When she doesn’t crack a smile, Cyrus shifts to a more serious disposition and asks, “What’s wrong?”

Andi lets out a shaky exhale and says, “How did you know you were gay?”

“I guess I just feel nervous around certain guys, my hands would sweat, and my heart would race,” he explains while thinking about T.J., “I realized that was how most guys feel about girls, and I didn’t really feel anything for them. I don’t know. Why do you ask?” She takes a deep, shaky breath refusing to make eye contact with him. “Andi, what’s wrong?” Cyrus asks again, reaching out to grab her hand.

“I think I might not be straight,” she finally lets out. Cyrus squeezes her hand reassuringly as a quiet symbol of his support and to urge her to continue. “I came here today to talk to Amber, but I got scared.”

“So you have a crush on Amber?” Cyrus questions for clarification.

“Why is it so hard to tell your crush that you like them?” Andi laments.

“I’m pretty sure that’s just a human thing, not a gay thing,” Cyrus comments. Then, struck with curiosity, he asks, “So are you bi or…”

“I don’t know,” She answers honestly.

“I like it,” Cyrus nods and smiles earning a relieved smile from Andi.

For the first time, Andi releases her stress a bit. Her breath feels easier and she lets out  a nervous laugh before asking, “So what brings you here?”

“My guess is he’s waiting for my brother,” Amber suddenly says, startling Andi and Cyrus.

“H-hi Amber,” Andi stutters out, a light blush beginning to tint her cheeks. Amber wears a similar expression, but only Cyrus seems to notice.

Ignoring the two lovesick girls and longing for a bit of clarification, Cyrus asks “Your brother?”

“Yeah,” Amber responds nonchalantly, “T.J. Kippen.”

Cyrus can’t hide the surprise in his voice as he gasps out, “You’re his lesbian sister who used to date Jonah.” Then, realizing he may have just outed her to Andi, he clasps a hand over his mouth and mumbles an apology.

Amber simply laughs and nods, clearly confident in her sexuality, something that Cyrus is somewhat jealous of. Clearly it’s a Kippen trait to just not give a shit what other’s think.

“Well, I have to go do my job,” Amber says reluctantly, then casting a soft look directly at Andi, she says, “It was nice to see you guys,” and walks to another table.

“Did you see that?” Cyrus squeals. “She was so flirting with you.”

“Stop it,” Andi says burying her face in her hands. “She definitely wasn’t.”

“Yeah, she was,” Cyrus pushes, “How can you not see that?”

“I don’t know,” Andi answers. “How can you not see that T.J. is totally in love with you?”

At this, Cyrus begins to stutter and blush. He shakes his head and says, “I just don’t want to get my hopes up.”

Andi leans forward and takes Cyrus’s hands in hers. “Cyrus, he’s gay. He clearly cares about you,” Andi explains comfortingly with a reassuring smile. “He would be an idiot to turn you down. And if he’s a jerk about it, Buffy and I will literally beat him up.”

“I don’t need you to do that,” Cyrus giggles. “I have been invited to his house for Christmas.”

Before Andi can respond, she notices T.J. walking through the door and waves him over. Cyrus turns to see T.J. and enthusiastically waves at him. This causes him to break out into the widest grin as he walks to Cyrus. He looks somewhat disappointed upon seeing Andi there, but he forces out a pleasant smile as he greets them before directing his attention solely to Cyrus. They begin to discuss their school days and Cyrus’s first couple days of Hanukkah. T.J. once again finds himself staring at the boy as he talks excitedly about the gifts he’s been given so far. Andi’s focus, however, begins to drift off to the other Kippen sibling who is helping another booth on the opposite side of the diner. The blonde haired girl turns around to look at her, and Andi waves and ducks her head nervously. Cyrus kicks her under the table earning a concerned look from T.J.

“Stop being so obvious,” Cyrus whispers. “You’re staring too much.”

“Wait,” T.J. says, “Do you like Amber?”

Blushing too much to be able to deny it, Andi squeezes her eyes shut and nods affirmatively. When she looks again, T.J. is wearing an expression of shock and joy that makes Andi question what he’s thinking.

“Andi,” He begins, nearly unable to keep his voice down, “You have to tell her! Like, now. Please!” Andi shakes her head puts it on the table. “I promise you,” T.J. urges, “You’ll be fine. I promise.”

She is about to make a sarcastic comment, but she notices complete sincerity in T.J.’s eyes. “Maybe later,” she responds, eager to shut down the conversation.

T.J. accepts this and turns back to Cyrus. “What do you have planned for the rest of Hanukkah?” T.J. asks the boy.

“Oh, tomorrow is the day I spend with all four of my parents, and they kind of told me I should invite you,” Cyrus explains nervously. “They will probably ruthlessly question you about everything, but they’re super set on you coming.”

“I’d love to come,” T.J. responds before he can let the nervousness of a dinner with all of his crush’s therapist parents sink in.

Cyrus and T.J. smile at each other, and T.J. feels his cheeks heat up. He, unknowingly, got closer to Cyrus during their conversation, and he is currently pressed up against him and staring directly into his deep brown eyes from only a couple centimeters away. Neither of them notice Andi’s eye roll at their obviousness and Amber approaching the table.

—————

The next day, Cyrus waits outside the boy’s locker room. He knows that T.J. says his teammates are totally cool with him being gay, but he doesn’t know how they’ll react to him being there. He stayed after school for a Film Club interest meeting and he told T.J. that he would wait for him after practice, so here he stands in the musky middle school hallway that smells faintly of mold waiting for his popular jock best friend (and crush). His mind wanders off to think about the beautiful green glow of the boy’s eyes (as he often finds himself doing nowadays), but he is pulled out of his dreams by an unfamiliar voice.

“Hey man,” Chris says, startling Cyrus like crazy. He is not used to basketball players talking to him (except T.J. of course). “You’re Cyrus, right?”

“Uh yeah,” Cyrus responds suspiciously, “How do you know my name?”

“You come to every game. You’re our biggest fan,” Chris answers coolly. “Plus, T.J. talks about you all the time.”

“All good things I hope,” Cyrus laughs nervously while feeling his cheeks heat up.

“Of Course,” Chris assures him, “I’m pretty sure he’s your biggest fan.”

“Cyrus knows he’s not able to hide the blush that makes it’s way onto his cheeks at that statement. He smiles and looks down to avoid Chris’s eyes and prays that he won’t take notice of his red cheeks.

Chris breaks the silence by asking, “So, are you waiting for Kippen?”

“Yeah,” he answers, “We’re headed to my house for Hanukkah. Why he wants to be ruthlessly interrogated by my parents over steaming latkes is beyond me.”

“I think I know,” He says grinning mischievously.

Cyrus is about to ask what he means, but he’s interrupted by a certain dirty-blonde haired basketball captain emerging from the boy’s locker room. His hair is freshly washed and adorably disheveled, and somehow he’s even more unfairly gorgeous than he’s ever been. It takes everything in Cyrus’s power not to drool at the mere sight of him.

He is broken out of his trance when he notices the nervous look on T.J.’s face as he approaches them.

“Chris, are you torturing Cyrus?” He asks placing a protective hand on Cyrus’s shoulder.

“Relax man,” Chris says, “Goodman and I were just having a chat.”

Cyrus nods and attempts to maintain his composure with T.J.’s arm around him, but he’s sure he looks like a tomato. T.J. looks at him to confirm Chris’s statement, and Cyrus forces out a chill bro-like smile before retreating back to his panicked state.

“Well, I know you guys have holiday plans so I will leave you to it,” Chris says. “It was nice to meet you, Cyrus.” He gives Cyrus the classic bro-hug before shoving T.J.’s shoulder, ruffling his already messy hair, and walking away.

“Are you ready to light the menorah and be ruthlessly questioned by all four of my parents at the same time?” Cyrus asks turning to T.J. with a sarcastic smile.

“I can’t wait,” T.J. answers. He wants to add ‘anything to hang out with you’, but he worries that would sound way too flirty. T.J. is confident in his sexuality, but he still doubts that the boy of his dreams could ever return his affections.

Cyrus simply nods and lets out a light laugh. As he begins to walk out the door, he gestures with his head for T.J. to follow him.

----------

Tag list: @hithatsmyname @blueberry-my-hero-macadamia

#andi mack #tyrus #tyrus fanfics #muffy #ambi #kippen siblings #cyrus goodman #tj kippen