#and maybe a personal trainer for at least some extended period of time

[gyujeongfmd]

aesthetic, playlist, & headcanon — 2023 resolutions

summary — new year brings a new start to resolutions, some of them easier to keep than others. this is the first year gyujeong’s had a gameplan for the new year in how he takes care of his body, and what he’s focusing on his career. he’s definitely a J over a P, so his planning is methodological in how he executes his resolutions, albeit  he’s uncertain of how he’ll hold up once the year starts picking up. most of the resolutions consist of more health conscious decisions, and contradictions of those. but mainly, it’s a year for him to ‘grow up’. warnings — working out has never been gyujeong’s forte, nor has he put much thought into it. the gym is a foreign place where he pops in here and there, but so far he’s been making an active decision to get a personal trainer and head to the gym (when he remembers, of course). in turn, there’s a list of songs that’s usually playing throughout that he keeps in his ‘gym playlist’ that frequently gets updated. most are high up-beat songs to keep him focused, while others are just songs he’s been working on that he enjoys the melody of / needs to keep thinking of. wc — 797

1. kendrick lamar — loyal (basically the entire damn album) 2. equinox — feel my rhythm 3. drake — jumbotron shit poppin’ 4. idk — square up ft. juicy j 5. smokepurpp — audi ii 6. rich the kid — racks today 7. camo — freak like me 8. 허성현 — ddkd ft. 저스디스, 다이나믹 듀오 (huh — ddkd ft. justhis and dynamic duo) 9. 던말릭 — 마천루 ft. 저스디스 (don malik — skyscraper ft. justhis) 10. 박재범 — 몸매 (jay park — mommae / this song is after he works out and stares at himself in the mirror lol )

new years resolutions focus on getting older and wiser, and taking care of his ‘adult’ life. it sounds silly, but he’s done a poor job thus far, and now it’s only caught his attention that he ought to be doing better in terms of his life. so, he’s created a list of things he wants to do in this upcoming year to help him mentally and physically : )

drinking more water — this is everyone’s resolution, isn’t it? but it didn’t occur to him until his manager called him out for only drinking one bottle of 500ml water throughout the whole day. gyujeong predominantly runs on espresso. he drinks a lot of coffee throughout his day, and that’s led him to just live off of caffeine. so, his resolution is to drink more water and less caffeine (maybe, he’ll learn to do better in terms of weaning off his caffeine addiction). the probability of him actually following through? i give it a 4/10. he’ll drink when he remembers, but for the most part he’ll just stick to coffee

getting a pet fish — he has a cat right now, and maybe it’s not the best to place a demon cat and a fish together in the same room. however, gyujeong’s very into fish and aqua-life despite never having a pet fish. he’s scared he won’t take good care of them, and that they’ll be so fragile that they pass away lmao. so, his goal is to get a fresh water tank in his apartment, so he can have at least one fish that he can take care of. this is more healing for the mind. probability? 10/10 for sure he keeps this one.

work out — continuing on the health train, gyujeong decides he wants to work out. not because he wants to start drinking protein and having muscle but more so because he’s found his posture slouching, and his body not working like it used to. his friend owns a gym, so he decides that 2023 is the year he actually sticks to working out. in the past, he’s attempted this but it’s never extended longer than a two month period. so, he just got a personal trainer and paid for a year of personal training. so far, it works out but when he gets busy, who knows if he’ll even step foot in a gym. probability is a 5/10, still iffy considering he seems serious this time.

make less shitty music — the music he’s created in 2022 has been shit (in his eyes). it’s not the greatest production value, and most times, it comes from either taking his old stuff or just shoving a bunch of random beats together hoping gold star takes it, so he can be free again. as an artist, he struggles with creating something of value to him without the exploitation of the public. so, his hopes are to settle down, maybe produce less (if gold star lets him) and hone in on quality over quantity. if all fails, he knows that ultraviolet royalties have him set for the rest of his life. probability? 1/10 — gold star will always win.

fashion — focus more on fashion endeavors. he’s neglected fashion in 2022, especially only releasing one line. it’s because he’s busy, and he has no time to look at clothes, shop, and curate his own clothing brand. so, his goal is to focus more on fashion whether that be photoshoots, his brand, or his deal with chanel. even if it means less sleep, maybe it’ll resurge something of his lifeless body. 7/10 on this one.

get better at drinking — he’s tired of drinking and not remembering anything. having two shots of soju and then blacking out, turning red — that’s what kids do. gyujeong thinks he’s at the age where he can’t avoid alcohol forever, especially not in the fashion industry. so, he’s gonna try to learn how to drink better (start easy with beer, and slowly transition). how well this works? probably terribly. however, gyujeong’s gonna give this a try. 8/10

go on a date — this one seems ridiculous, i know. but gyujeong’s been on probably 2 first dates in his entire life, and has only had one relationship. he’s had people try to set him up in the past, but he wasn’t able to go through with it because he was still pining over his ex. now that he’s done and closed up that book, finally felt like he’s healed enough, he wants to go on a date and “put himself out there” lmao. go on a date? 10/10. fall in love or find a new relationship? 1/10. he’s awkward and i don’t think he has the right personality for anyone to fall in luv with him

#정신나갔냐 — headcanon #노래 더 크게 — 음악 #뀨뀨 — queue

[pucksnsticksnhockeyboys]

all my focus on you

summary: all of your focus is on Jake, and yet you can’t see that he loves you.

warnings: mentions of injury

word count: 3.2k

note from the writer: this is the first thing I've posted in months and I really like how it turned out. let me know what you think! also I didn’t edit it so sorry ahead of time.

“Who’s Tuna?”

You had heard the nickname tossed around a lot. At least, you were pretty sure it was a nickname. You were new to the world of hockey, having only really paid attention to the sport in the past few months as a result of your roommate, Jess, dating professional player Brock Boeser. Through him, you had met Elias, Quinn, Thatcher, Troy, and a whole assortment of others. But, Tuna still remained a mystery to you. Apparently, he was going to be joining your group out to the bar that night.

“You’ll like him.” Brock declared, giving you the same response he always did whenever you asked, while Elias’ smile turned the special kind of mischievous that only he could ever pull off. You didn’t have the chance to question how he could have been so certain, because Jess called your name and insisted that you start getting ready to go.

You’d never, not once in a million years, admit it that Brock was right.

You did like ‘Tuna’. A lot more than you probably should have. He was fun and outgoing from the moment Brock introduced you to him at the bar. Your heart stopped in your chest when you realized that Tuna was Jake Virtanen, your secret hockey crush. When Jess started seeing Brock, she showed you the entire Canucks roster. Jake’s piercing blue eyes struck out to you from the moment you saw his picture, but other than a ‘oh he’s cute’ and a mental note of his name and number, you kept quiet.

Now, he was standing before you, handing extended for you to shake with a dazzling smile that nearly made you forget your own name.

“I’m Jake.” He said brightly, and you offered your own smile in return as you slipped your hand into his meekly. Your face warmed at his touch, and if you possessed the ability to look away from Jake, you would have seen the shit-eating grin Brock wore. But you couldn’t, and instead you saw the way Jake’s gaze stayed on you, his own cheeks turning red. “What’re you drinking? I’m buying tonight.”

And thus, an amazing friendship grew. Which, for whatever reason, Brock seemed to loathe.

He was insistent that there was something more between you and Jake, which you vehemently denied, and each time your cheeks would burn brightly. It wasn’t as if you didn’t want anything more with Jake, in the few months that you had gotten to know him, he had become one of your closest friends and the person you told everything too.

And your secret hockey crush turned into full blown feelings. Most of your time was spent with him, even if you felt nothing but butterflies in your stomach whenever he was near. Only a few short months after meeting him, you couldn’t imagine your life without him. He was a constant presence in your life, as sure as you were that the sun would rise, you knew that Jake would be there for you.

With a schedule as crazy as a professional athlete’s, you jumped on any opportunity to spend time with Jake and any of the guys on the team, who all quickly became good friends of yours, along with their partners. Currently, you were at a diner, getting a quick lunch with Jake, Petey, and Brock, the two blondes sharing a side of the booth opposite of you.

Jake was in the middle of animatedly telling a story, and you watched with your undivided attention. Well, nearly undivided, since he had swung an arm around your shoulders shortly after sitting down and the simple contact had your heart beating like crazy. Petey had sent you no less than three shit-eating grins, and Brock was openly chuckling at how flustered you were. You were just thankful Jake was as oblivious as he was.

“You’re coming to the game tonight, right?” Jake asked, jostling you with the arm that was around his shouler to get your attention as soon as he finished his story. You nodded, taking a sip of your drink to cover up the fact that you had been openly staring at him as he spoke. “Perfect. Alright, I’ve got to run. I’m supposed to meet with my nutritionist.”

There was a chorus of ‘goodbyes’ as he tossed some cash on the table, enough to cover both his bill and yours, since he always insisted on paying for you. Before he could slide out of the booth, though, he pressed a quick kiss to your temple, an innocent act that had your heart doing cartwheels. You avoided Petey and Brock’s gazes, trying to will the heat in your cheeks away. It was only when the bell chimed on the door signalling that Jake had left, did someone speak up.

“Oh, come on!” Brock groaned, and you shot him a curious look. He ignored you, turning to face Elias, who was grinning in amusement. “I’m just going to tell her. It’s painful at this point.”

“Tell me what?” You question, nerves seeping into you, watching Elias shrug and grin wider. Instantly, your mind thought about the worst, like someone was getting traded or something similar, but nothing could have prepared you for what Brock said next.

“Jake is in love with you.”

“What? No, he’s not.” You spluttered, eyes wide and cheeks warm. Brock rolled his eyes at you, a scoff leaving his lips as if he thought his teammate’s apparent affection was obvious.

“He talks about you all the time.” Petey offered, and you fell silent. Elias wasn’t one to mess around with something like that. Sure, he made sly comments that had you laughing everytime, but this was different.

“He thinks you could never like him back, so we have to listen to him complain about it.” Brock’s tone was serious, but you could hear the subtle chirp. You pursed your lips, dropping your focus onto your plate to avoid meeting either of their gazes.

“You guys are ridiculous.” You settled on saying, though just because you dropped the conversation, it didn’t mean that you stopped thinking about it.

Even hours later as you were walking through the doors of the arena, you were still thinking about it. Though, you were quickly distracted as Jess led you through the crowd to find your seats and watch warm-ups.

Despite your inner turmoil, the Virtanen jersey felt right on your shoulders, now a regular part of your wardrobe. When Jake had found out that you had no idea about hockey, he had bought you the number eighteen Canucks sweater, along with tickets to just about every home game, claiming you were his good luck charm. When he gave you his jersey, he stated that it was to make your hockey experience complete—thought now you weren’t so sure.

Brock’s words from earlier in the day were still bouncing in your head. You had a hard time believing they were true, but then you thought over nearly every interaction you had with Jake. They all had a common theme—Jake was always looking at you with a softness to his eyes that you had, at the time, chaked up to his friendliness. Now, thinking back, you recognized the look. It was the same look you gave him.

A look of utter adoration and total love.

You settled into your seat to watch the game with a wide smile on your face, borderline giddy with the conclusion you had come to. You decided that after the game, when you would be going back to Jake’s for a movie night and a sleepover, a tradition that had been established after celebrating a win too hard one night and you spent the night at his place, and at the following brunch it was decided his guest room would be yours after any home games. Though, if you played your cards right, you wouldn’t be sleeping in the guest room.

Your happiness only lasted until halfway through the first period, and quickly dread formed in the pit of your stomach. The game was back and forth, neither team able to keep possession of the puck for very long. Petey scored first, and you cheered loudly, but clamped your mouth shut when a player on the opposite team—you couldn’t see a name on his jersey, and even so, you didn’t pay attention to any hockey team outside of Vancouver—started shoving Jake. Of course, Jake was running his mouth and shoving back, and it was only when a ref skated between the two players did you let out a breath of relief you hadn’t realized you were holding.

Apparently, Jake pissed off the other team a lot more than you originally thought.

You would have sworn he was being targeted. Everytime he was on the ice, it seemed, that an opposing player would check him into the boards. He wad getting hit hard from all angles, he got tripped twice but only drew a penalty on one—and if you screamed bullshit! at the ref, then who would have blamed you—and got into a fight late in the second after an opposing player shoved into Thatcher.

It was the third period when things really went awry.

It was the final minutes of the period, Vancouver up by one, thanks to Bo’s goal at the end of the second. The Canucks were fighting to hold on, maybe score an extra point to cement their victory, while the other team was getting desperate. And they were playing dirty, too.

You didn’t really register the gasp that fell from your lips as some unknown opponent slammed Jake into the boards, head on, with clear intent to injure him. You did remember jumping to your feet, as if that would make everything better.

Jess, who you hadn’t really acknowledged was sitting next to you in your stress, gripped your arm tightly. You watched in horror as Jake stayed down, hands holding his head as the athletic trainer jogged across the ice with the assistance of Troy Stetcher. You couldn’t tear your gaze away from Jake, but if you could, you would have seen Brock looking worriedly from his injured teammate to where he knew you were in the stands.

It felt like years later when Jake finally stood, and while leaning heavily on his trainer and Troy, he went down the tunnel. You sat down stifly into your seat, leg bouncing in nerves and fingers tapping an unknown pattern as you anxiously waited for the game to be over so you could check on Jake.

Five minute major, game misconduct.

Good, you thought, but you kept your mouth clamped shut as nausea swirl in your stomach. Distantly, you heard Jess say that the opposing player was most likely going to get fined for his actions. You knew hockey was a hard hitting sport, but that was terrible. You had seen Jake hurt before, blocked shots, highsticks, and the sorts—but not once had it taken him that long to get back up.

You couldn’t focus on the rest of the game, you were pretty sure that at some point Quinn had scored, but eventually Jess was leading you down to the tunnel where had to meet the other players. Holly, Bo’s wife, had tried to assure you that Jake would be fine the moment she saw you.

“He’s got a thick skull.” She tried to lighten the mood, but all you could muster was a weak smile and a laugh that sounded forced and foriegn to even your own ears. You listened to the other wives and girlfriends of players chatter about who knows what—certainly not you, you were staring at the door you knew the boys emerged from—for minutes. The girls knew you, how you were always around Jake, acting like a couple but not once taking that extra step, so they knew how stressed you were, waiting for the verdict.

Elias was the first one to exit the room, heading straight to you with a tiny, reassuring, smile on his face. Your arms were crossed tightly across your body, an indicator of just how uncomfortable you were in the moment.

“He’s fine. He’ll be out in a few minutes.” He told you quietly. Though it helped calmed you slightly, you couldn’t get the imagine of him laying on the ice out of your head. You nodded your head in thanks, before he patted your shoulder comfortingly and departed. Quinn was next out, shooting you a pitiful smile. Tanev, Toffoli, and Edler all came out before finally, the brunette you had been waiting for emerged with Brock at his side.

He looked terrible, his tie was loose around his neck, hair a mess from the quick post-game shower he had just taken. His shoulders were slumped, and he looked so tired that your heart clenched in your chest.

“How are you?” You asked quietly once he stopped before you. Jess and Brock left to give you some privacy, but you didn’t notice in the slightest. Your focus was on Jake—like it always was.

“A little beat up, nothing I can’t handle.” He waved off his injured like it was nothing. You pouted for a moment, knowing he was playing down the severity of it. He seemed to sense your disbelief, because he wrapped his arms around your shoulders and pulled you into his chest. You sank into the embrace, reciprocating the hug with a deep sigh.

“Don’t you ever do that to me again.” You threatened into the fabric of his suit, wrapping your arms tiger around his middle. He chuckled lowly, holding you just as tight in return. Your heart was thundering in your chest, your stomach a lightning storm of nerves.

“I’ll try not to.” He assured you quietly, dropping a kiss to top of your head. You thought back to your decision before the game, how you were going to confront both his feelings and yours, and decided that it could wait just a little bit longer.

“Come on, let’s get you home.” You mumbled, pulling away sightly. He nodded and you, and you were pleasantly surprised as he slipped his hand into yours, threading your fingers together, as you headed in the direction of his car.

You insisted on driving, and Jake only protested slightly. The ride was quiet, and you could tell something was bothering him, but chose to stay quiet and let him come to you when he was ready. Or at least until you got back to his home. Instead, you listened to his music play softly from the car as you weaved through the streets of Vancouver, taking the familiar path to Jake’s place.

When you finally arrived, he slipped into his bedroom to change into something more comfortable, and you made yourself comfortable on his couch. When he returned, he was in a Canucks hoodie and pair of grey sweats, and instead of sitting next to you on the couch, he laid across it so his head was in your lap. Instantly, your hand threaded though his hair and you scratched at his scalp, something you knew he loved. His eyes fluttered shut at the action, and he hummed contentedly.

“You scared me tonight.” You said softly after a moment. You tried to will away the tears that welled up in your eyes, remembering how it felt to see him laying on the ice, injured. It tore you in two, you had never felt more sick to your stomach at a sight than you did when he was down.

“I know.” He sighed queitly in response. Not trusting yourself to keep your voice steady, you chose not to respond right away. He reached a hand up, grabbing yours out of his hair and pressing a kiss to your palm, before threading your fingers through his and resting it on his chest.

And then, you couldn’t stop the words from tumbling past your lips—

“I love you too much to see you get hurt like that.” You hated how your voice cracked, and most of all you hated how you confessed your feelings. You wanted to do so during a happy moment, one shared with smiles and he’d tell you he felt the same, but no, you were holding back tears on his couch as he tensed, your words registering.

“What?” He questioned, sitting up abruptly. You would have thought that you had screwed everything up, if it weren’t for the near-death grip he had on your hand. Still, you couldn’t meet his gaze, and instead focused on the coffee table. Gently, with his free hand, he cupped your jaw, turning so you were facing him. It was then that you realized that you were crying, silent tear tracks running down your cheeks that he brushed away carefully as he studied your face intently. “What did you just say?”

“I love you.” You choked out, voice tight. “And I’m new to the hockey thing, so I’m not used to seeing hits like that and I—”

Your ramblings were cut short as Jake surged forward, connecting your lips to his. It took you a moment to react, but your free hand eventually moved to the back of his neck, your other still gripped in yours. The kiss wasn’t heated, but loaded with so much passion and emotion it made your head swirl. Months of casual flirting and innocent touches built to this moment, and you would be lying if you said you were aware of how long you actually were pressed against him.

Eventually, he did pull back, a wide and dopey grin on his face. You smiled just as brightly, the hand on the back of his neck toying slightly with the strands of hair there. Chasing your lips for a few quick pecks that your readily complied with.

“I love you, too.” He hummed, seemingly unable to tear his focus from you. You didn’t mind, not one bit, considering he had you attention from the moment you had met.

“I know.” You grinned, watching as his brows pull together in confusion, a silent question and urge for you to elaborate. With a giggle, you explained. “Brock told me.”

“Of course he did.” Jake groaned, tipping his head back. You chuckled at his dramatics, looking at him with the same fond look you always did. Only this time, you didn’t have to worry about him finding out. Your hand moved from behind his head to his jaw, thumb brushing across his cheekbone. You smiled as he brought his attenton back to you, and you leaned forward to press a quick kiss to the tip of his nose. “You know, he’s been trying to set me up with you this entire time.”

“Yeah, he told me that I’d like you the night we met. He and Petey were planning this.” You explained, watching as he lifted your joined hands and kissed the back of yours, a barking laugh leaving him as you finished your sentence.

“Was he right?” He asked cheekily, swinging an arm around your shoulders and pulling you into his chest so he could cuddle you. You admired him with a soft smile, watching as he grabbed the remote on the couch beside him to put on a movie. Never in a millions years would you admit that Brock was right, but you with the way Jake was smiling, you decided to make an acception.

“Definitely.”

#jake virtanen #Jake Virtanen x reader #Jake Virtanen imagine #Jake Virtanen imagines #hockey imagine #hockey x reader #NHL imagine #NHL x reader #vancouver canucks #Vancouver canucks x reader #Vancouver Canucks imagine

[you-are-worth-the-wait]

Hey there Love. This will be a work in progress post as I try to address most the things you talked/asked about.

Smile lines on your face? So are you smiling more? Hmm...hard to tell how often I smile. I think I do it out of necessity more than sincerity. Otherwise people may think that I want nothing to do with them. At least at home when no one really interacts with me I can just be “blah”.

Hot cocoa weather is almost pretty much here but I haven’t really had the time/chance to enjoy it. Can’t really see myself having that warm/cozy/fun feeling I would normally have associated when I’m just sitting here alone watch things to distract my mind more so than for the enjoyment and relaxation of it all. At times I feel like I’m just watching for the sake of watching just so time will eventually get to a time that I need to do something like go to the gym or go to sleep. I have just been drinking tea with French vanilla creamer.

Sitting on the couch right next to the Christmas tree. Just wondering what your tree looks like. Wonder how we would decorate it.

My job is a job. There is repetition that helps me get things so it becomes muscle memory but there are situations that arise that I’ve never encountered or only encounter not so often so I need to ask for help. They do charge nurse rotations but I’m still too new for that so I’m not in that rotation yet. I think this job will be okay in the long run. I’m just waiting for when the world goes back to “normal”, we increase our patient load, and I start to become as spiteful as all my other coworkers around me. They keep their spirits up but they have said how the job has changed and hardened them. Almost kinda like the jail setting where people said I was “nice and patient” but if I stay there long enough the place would change me. So I guess I’m just waiting for that point to where I start to see myself struggling and stressing like everyone around me. Guess it’s just a matter of time.

Pretty nurses. People told me about that phenomena when I joined this line of work. I guess it really just depends on where you work. You ever gonna introduce me to anyone? *ws* I guess they need to like me though and I don’t know if I’m a “you’ll get to like me through dates” kind of person. That’s just not an atmosphere/style that I’m comfortable in.

Your cooking getting any better? Lucky person who gets all those rewards. Me, no. I do things here and there but I do it mainly just to have something to eat. Lately I’ve just been eating saimin, fast food, and/or cereal. That’s all the capacity I have to interest me. My highlight is buying different kinds of cereal and just mixing it together. The latest one is the honey Frosted Flakes, special K with banana, and rice crispies. How badly did you cut up your finger? How did you do it? You need to be more careful Love. I know you try to teach me the proper ways to cut things but I don’t trust myself to cut things the way you showed me. I feel like I’m more prone to cut myself. So it’s almost like the choice of cutting things the “correct” way or the safe way which isn’t as proper/effective so I do go for the safe route.

Like I said, the women I find attractive are in different departments and don’t work in the same area as me. The only time I see them is randomly or if I make the effort to do so but if I do that, I’m out of place because there really isn’t a reason for me to be where they are for long extended periods of time. Sooo...yeah. There goes that theory of being by women here. At least where my desk is now I’ll have people around me. I think they are all in their 50’s and all and I’m not really attracted to them. They are nice as coworkers and resources for help but that’s about it. I can’t honestly see myself getting romantically involved with any of my future office mates which is okay. I just don’t know when/how I’ll expose myself to anyone that could possibly be a romantic prospect. Maybe if I worked in the main hospital on the floor. Guess it’s all up to tinder and my so called FWB...*shrugs*

Line dancing on the half hour? How kewl is that :) so did you learn anything about willie Nelson? Here’s what you can do. Follow up on whateve you know about him in his older years and find a video of him when he was younger. When we went to that county music hall of fame in Nashville, there was a video footage of willie Nelson when he was younger. It blew me and my brother away. It was pretty kewl.

I know that we kind of have our “baggage” when it comes to you and me and inheriting both our parents. Do you think you can handle mine as much I would have to handle yours? I mean, you already can tell that they accept you with open arms. You’ve seen that my relatives do as well and they all are pretty much like that. You won’t really find anyone who’s standoffish or judgmental. I know I had to hide you away for obvious reasons but I feel if we could just be ourselves, family on my side for you wouldn’t be a problem. Heck, even if it’s jokingly, my mom prolly “loves” you more than me :P :)

The people who are training me are really kewl. Filipinos. The main one training me is the one nurse who we absorbed for a time to help when the calls were too much. But then she went back to her own PACT and when I was transitioned into PACT, she offered to train me and I accepted. She’s got a lot of experience and does a lot of things by the book so I like the fact that she’s given me a good foundation. Almost like a “mom” figure. The other nurse in the room is my back up trainer when she isn’t there and she’s like the “sister”. Then the NP there is almost like a second “mom” figure but frantic in the sense she does a lot of things well but is getting older so the demands are piling up causing her to feel frenetic and overwhelmed. But they are so nice and friendly that I don’t want to leave that room. I’m tempted to ask my main manager that when someone retires, I want to move back into that room.

The sharing of snacks is just something that they did before and I “lucked” into. They have a table in the back that they have snacks/food they bring in to share and munch on during the day. So I’ve brought stuff too every now and then. I introduced them to li hing mui powder and I let them have some of my apples with it. They liked it. But now that I’m moving to another room, I’ve got to start all over. I said that maybe I’ll work there every Wednesday maybe but that may not be feasible since I’ll have my own phone line and all.

[stepsabariatricjournal]

Day 18 POP (Pre Op Prep)

In the last few days, a few more things have been checked off the list of PRE OP PREP list that Dr. Pesta’s team has given me. 

When one loses weight at the amount many do with this surgery, there are bound to be some changes to one’s emotional and mental state. They have you evaluated by a psychologist. 

This is and was a rather painless 3 appointment task. After the business of patient info, insurance and goals, “tell me a little about yourself” was the first assignment. HAHA, well, for anyone that knows me, this could take a whole session! I have been in psychology therapy for at least 5 years now and have been working very hard untying of “Self Made Knots” in my own rope, so I had my elevator speech fairly refined. 

The next 2 sessions were evaluation questionnaires. Not too difficult. Many things I was hard core solid on but a few things were still...aaa....well...maybe...yes...well sometimes...nope, yes for sure! Ya, overthinking it...a proud trade mark of mine, but you can borrow it! 

These appointments were held about a week apart for an hour. I even saw my regular therapist in that time frame, and I talked about what I talked about in the evaluation sessions!!! Me, Me-Me, Ma-me!!! Of course I had, by this point, started this blog and also joined 3 more bariatric support groups on Facebook and an intermittent fasting ap...all in the name of research and POP-ing! 

It was amazing to read some of the responses to questions laid out there. People were so bold and open. A few still being more critical of themselves then definitely anyone in the group, so I hope that they have a “therapist”. I did spend almost 2 hours one night reading over questions that had 100-300 responses. These questions must have been hitting a cord in the group so I checked them out. I read 5 different questions. The questions varied from self-care of innsomnia, to constipation, to post op pain management, to hair loss and losing friends or family over getting the surgery. 

This last one I found the most interesting. Why? I have hear it before, but I just still had a hard time understanding what the outsiders issues were about the person, who obviously needed to do something and then turn around to shame them FOR doing something. Some people reported that some family members said that they were “Lazy”, “taking the easy way out”, “didn’t need to get surgery”. To the point that they wouldn’t speak or socialize with the person getting the surgery. FRIEND OR FAMILY member. Of course there were the ones that still carried on as they always have, “well it's about time you did something.”

Even after all the Weight Watchers meetings over the years. The starts, stops, starts, stops, restart again, the pushing in the gym with 4 different trainers, joining OA (overeaters anonymous), TOPS, eating nothing, eating everything, exercising hard and over long periods of time and 5+ years of Self Loving therapy...I worried about this very thing. That’s why they put us through therapy evaluations.  

I have not told too many people that I am pursuing this. I know that I will be called out on it when the weight loss shows. I even made a message chat group of SELECT family and friends so that I can communicate to them via text message updates and achievements. They know what I want from this and what I do NOT want to hear said to me. It is there so I could make sure EVERYONE that NEEDED to KNOW does and I didn’t forget or someone’s nose gets bent because someone else knew something before them. 

I don’t know really what my goal is, truly. Am I doing this because I HATE myself. Not really. Is it because I want to be a model? For OUTDOOR magazine MAYBE. To be hit on at the bar or swipe RIGHT on more often? No, cus if you only talk to me because of my looks, and not for me also...NEXT! It’s more so that I don’t have to wear a seatbelt extender on an airplane or my car. So I don’t have to worry about the theater or sporting event chairs have armrests that raise up. So I can sit down in the bank in the armed chairs when seeing my banker. That is more why. Yet I do admit, I have a 25.378% part that wants to be more fit in a pretty dress, to be looked at by at least a few men at the social meet-up and networking event, giving myself and my partner, (I really have to come up with a pseudonym for him) a wee bit of pride when they see that I’m not available, as I walk over to him in a crowded room.  To be able to physically keep up with my partner, my kids and safely use my kayak or my mountain bike. 

Discrimination comes in lots of forms. We all have had some degree of it. Out of all of us that have the surgery, some of us can change things, some of us can’t. Some of us have been living in this body all our lives. We aren’t better when we lose weight JUST BECAUSE we lost the weight...we are better VERSIONS of ourselves because we worked on all of ourselves. Mentally, emotionally, habits, environments, relationships, jobs, family and friends. Yes I guess we are better but we have had to work on it, HARD. Congratulate us for that, not for beauty alone. 

#bariatrics #bariatric surgery #positive mental attitude #mentalwellness #selfworth #self care #weight loss #therapy #weightwatchers #friendships #family #healthy relationships #toxic family #toxic relationships

[healthyilla-blog]

If you're reading this now, you're probably within  for a heart-thumping, blood-pumping, balls-to-the-wall workout. And, friend, we have got you covered. We're all about helping you get sweaty in pursuit of your goals, whether meaning getting stronger, hitting a replacement PR, or losing weight. But let's be real for a second here: The tricky thing about weight-loss workouts is that they are kinda, sorta... a myth. aren't getting me wrong—if you're trying to reduce , a solid exercise regimen should be a part of your plan.

Here's the thing: Exercising isn't enough on its own for weight loss. There are different aspects that goes into weight loss and body fat loss; actually, exercise isn't even technically necessary in many cases. If you would like to lose weight—and it's very cool if you are doing and totally cool if you don't—adopting healthy eating habits possesses to be step numero uno. to urge technical, you would like to make a calorie deficit, which suggests using more calories during a day than you consume—and the consumption part plays a way bigger role therein than burning calories within the gym, or while carrying your groceries home, or any of the opposite myriad ways you set your muscles to figure every day . Other lifestyle habits, like sleep and stress management, and health conditions (think thyroid issues, to call only one of many) also affect your weight. Point is, weight loss may be a complicated and very personal journey that does not look or work the precise same way from one person to subsequent.

And before we get into it any longer, I'd be remiss to not means another really important detail here: Weight loss isn't for everybody . for a few people, it's actually much healthier to ignore your weight altogether, or never believe calories, or specialize in literally anything. That's very true if you've got a history of disordered eating; if that's you, you ought to ask your doctor before trying any weight-loss plan in the least. In fact, albeit you do not have a history of disordered eating you ought to ask a doctor about losing weight in a healthy way.

And once you've done all that, there are some additional belongings you should realize workouts and weight loss.

First, here are some very basic items you ought to know before you start an exercise regimen for weight loss.

Your food choices—how you fuel your body—are even more important than your workout choices. I covered this above, but it's worth reiterating: Healthy eating habits are even more important than your exercise routine if your goal is to ascertain lasting changes in your body composition.

Exercise should become a part of your routine in a meaningful way. so as to ascertain results, hitting the elliptical for a half-hour while you catch up with the Kardashians once every week just isn't getting to cut it. Instead, aim for 3 workouts if you're just stepping into a routine again, or five to 6 sessions if you have been at it for a short time, says Holly Rilinger, a Nike master trainer, master Flywheel instructor, and star of Bravo's compute ny. "And confine mind that rest is vital to reset mentally, physically, and emotionally, so confirm to create in a minimum of one full day of rest ."

you will need to push yourself in every workout you are doing. It's quite an enormous deal that you simply bring your A-game to every workout. "I'd rather see you doing balls-to-the-wall workouts 3 times every week than see you give 50 percent for five days," says Rilinger. "Decide once you rehearse that door you're getting to provides it one hundred pc the whole time, and sign up throughout your workout with one simple question: am I able to give more?"

you will need to seek out a workout you genuinely enjoy if you've got any hope of sticking with it. "Finding a trainer or workout that creates you cheerful is really really important to weight loss," says Rilinger. once you enjoy doing it you will be more likely to stay with it. Below are 6 workouts that will assist you to reach your weight loss goal. If you've tried one among the classes here and there and didn't really like it, don't hand over on the game or practice altogether. you'll not have found a teacher you're keen on yet, which can make or break your goals.

Interval Training

The number one training method the experts address again and again for weight loss: interval training. What's that? "Any sort of exercise where your pulse spikes then comes down repeatedly," says Rilinger. This generally means going hard for a group interval of your time (hence the name), followed by active rest, then going hard again. That active recovery portion is vital. you would like to require it down a notch—OK, several notches—before ramping copy to a better intensity interval.

High-intensity interval training, or HIIT, is one among the various styles you'll do. Another popular one is indoor cycling, though this workout leans heavily toward cardio over strength training, Rilinger explains. She also notes that cycling requires you to use various muscles in your body—quads, hamstrings, glutes, and core, for starters—which once more translates to weight loss. "The more muscles you've got to include, the more calories you are going to burn because those muscles all require energy so as to figure," she says. "And the more energy you employ, the upper those calorie-burning numbers climb. It's all a cycle."

Try it: Here are 4 fat-burning stationary bike workouts that you simply might like. If you're more of a treadmill person, this 20-minute treadmill interval workout will kick your meddle the simplest way. And if you would like to skip the equipment altogether,

Weight Training

Consider weight training "the mother of all weight-loss techniques, the very best within the workout organic phenomenon, the highest of the column," says Rilinger. Resistance training, whether it's together with your bodyweight alone or with added weights, is an efficient method to assist build muscle and burn fat. Lifting weights has been shown to extend your resting rate, which suggests your body burns more calories even when you are not exercising. The effect isn't enormous, but building muscle means more muscle mass to churn through calories as you set about your day. Plus, more muscle means you'll go harder next time, increasing your weight, and return more out of every workout. Plus, if you're lifting at a high intensity, you get the added bonus of the "afterburn effect," which is when you've put down the weights but your body remains consumption extra energy.

Rilinger suggests adding weight training to your routine a minimum of 3 times every week. And since your body adjusts to workouts after being exposed to equivalent moves at an equivalent intensity, becoming less effective over time, she says to combine it up about every three weeks to stay your body guessing.

Try it: First, if you've never done it before, make certain to read these strength training tips for beginners before you start. And inspect this primer on the way to choose the proper weights for your workout.

Boot Camp

For a workout that's getting to keep your metabolism elevated, boot camp, as these classes (think Barry's Bootcamp) combine two of the foremost effective sorts of training: interval and resistance. "You'll perform exercises, some more cardio-focused et al. strength-focused, full-out for brief bursts of your time, including short periods of rest," says Adam Rosante, certified personal trainer and author of The 30-Second Body. But if it is your first time getting to a camp class, speak up. He says an honest instructor will assist you to determine once you got to crank up the load or intensity (tip: if you'll cruise through 10 reps with none trouble, it's too easy), keep your form on par, and may always provide modification for any move which may be too tough or irritates an injury. If you cannot make it to a studio, though, you'll virtually sweat it out with Rosante in his 20-minute C9 Challenge, or do this bodyweight-only 16-minute routine.

Boxing

"At its essence, boxing is basically another sort of interval training," explains Rosante. But it also causes you to feel freaking badass. Here's the trick to remember: it is a common mistake for beginners to punch using only their arm strength, but the bulk of your power goes to return from your core and you will use muscles that are typically ignored in other workouts (hey there, obliques).

Running

All you would like maybe a pair of sneakers before you head out the door. But if weight loss is that the name of your game, the lackadaisical head-out-for-a-light-jog sort of running is not the thanks to go. Instead, find a hill you'll sprint up, or crank the incline thereon treadmill. "Running up hills forces you to figure your glutes and legs—two of your body's biggest muscle groups—even more, which needs smaller muscle recruitment and more energy expenditure," explains Rosante. As noted earlier, the more energy you're using, the brighter that calorie-burning fire burns. But proper form here is vital. "Lean into Capitol Hill, and drive your knees as high as you'll, striking the ball of every foot down directly under your body," he says. "Keep your hands open and arms bent at 90 degrees, and drive your arms simple up to face level, then backward to the highest of your back pocket." and check out to not let your arms cross over your body—that'll just waste the valuable energy your muscles need. If you're training indoors, here are a couple of fat-burning treadmill routines to urge you started.

Try it: While this Covid-19 pandemic you can try this portable treadmill by healthyilla.com so that you don't miss your routine cardio

CrossFit

There's a reason CrossFit has become such a booming a part of the workout industry—it works,  as you do not overdo it. Workouts are varied—you could also be doing anything from kettlebell swings to rope climbs and box jumps to front squats—and the routines are designed to be short and intense. the foremost important thing to seek out when trying to find the box (CrossFit slang for "gym") that matches you best: a well-informed coach who can explain and modify the moves, and confirm that you simply don't push yourself to the purpose of injury. Here are a couple of things to stay in mind before every WOD,

#treadmill #exercise #workout #cardio #foldabletreadmill

[raphaelsplinter]

|| Get to know RAPHAEL SPLINTER who’s TWENTY-TWO years old and a SENIOR in college majoring in LAW. He is from NEW YORK and is often times mistaken for ARON PIPER while others say he reminds them of RAPH from TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES. ||

heyo all, my name is pepper, and after spending way too long getting distracted and watching jenna marble videos sdjksdjk Here I Am to introduce my grumpy problem child, raph ! a bit about me i guess, i’m a pinterest addict and a big fergie fan, i can only wink with both eyes (still counts tho right?) and i love b99, the good place, and umbrella academy. alright down bellow will be a bit about My Boi and some wcs i have for him ! please * youtuber vc * sMASH THAT LIKE BUTTON if you’d like to plot and i will come running okay? okay 

tl;dr for those who don’t want to go through this whole thing, he’s the raph you loved and knew from tmnt except he’s bifurious, been to juvie, and had a period of his life where he was a vigilante. 

to start before i forget here is his pinterest board ! blood tw though !

Raph has always used his fists to solve his problems. Violence was as natural to him as breathing, something he’d been turning to since before he can remember, and truly never really learnt how to stop. From punching kids who bugged him on the playground to picking fights with jerks who looked at him funny, Raphael was, and likely always will be, a bit aggressive. Quick to anger and even quicker to throw a punch because of it.

It was his adopted father who decided to help him channel this anger into something constructive. At first Raph thought it was stupid. After all, he already knew how to punch somebody, he didn’t need to know how to do it with gloves on. But at his father’s patient insistence, Raphael tried it, and unexpectedly (at least to Raphael) it helped. Yes, Raph was still eternally in a bad mood, but now when it all got too much and his anger felt like a noose around his neck, he had something to turn to rather than the first person who ticked him off.

But it wasn’t long until Raph didn’t just have boxing to turn to. Not just karate and taekwondo either, no, somehow Raph accidentally stumbled into an even more unexpected outlet. You see, Raph’s sense of justice was almost as strong as his anger, and that was maybe the one thing he and his family all shared, the one thing they all had in common, even his father. None of them could just sit back and allow someone else to get hurt, and it was that sense of justice that led Raph into some light pseudo vigilantism. It wasn’t anything big or, hell, organised. Honestly, the way it started was with Raph hearing something suspicious in an alley, going in guns-- or rather fists-- blazing and taking care of it himself rather than calling the police. But the thing was, it became a pattern. It became a choice. It got to the point where Raph would go out at night and roam the streets, waiting to see if anything was going down, waiting to step in. And it was New York, after all, it was the cesspool of the earth, something was always going down. Almost every night through most of his teenage years Raph would come home with bloodied knuckles and bruises, hurting like hell and having to hide it all from his family but… he felt good. He felt lighter. Doing what he was doing then, it felt better than just punching someone to punch somebody. It felt like he was actually helping people, like he was using his anger that only ever seemed to hurt people to actually do something good for once. For a while Raph thought that he was truly doing what he was supposed to be doing. That he had found his calling (although he would die before saying that out loud. Too damn cheesy).

Until of course, predictably, everything went downhill. Using his anger as a tool seemed like a great idea, and it would have been, if he knew how to control it. How to wield it like his dual daggers or his fists. But he didn’t. And because of that he slipped up, let his anger get the better of him, let it overflow one night and went too far. It didn’t matter than Raphael was stepping in between the guy and the girl he was harassing. It didn’t even matter that the girl defended him. The police didn’t care. He nearly put the guy in a coma, and he was pressing charges, and those charges landed Raph in the slammer for a whole year.

Luckily Raph was spared being charged an adult by the fact that he was seventeen at the time. While he did get a record, and lost a year of his life to the incident, it all really could have been much worse. He was able to see his family every once and a while when he had visitation. And he was able to continue school from in there. Juvie, as horrible as it was, was almost like the wake up call he needed. It was the push he needed to realize that he couldn’t let his anger control him. He needs to learn to control it.

So he’s learning. Slowly and grudgingly through mandated anger management. In all honesty, he hates it, and he slips up all the time, but he keeps going to his appointments. He keeps coming back, and he figures that must count for something.

Getting into university with a record wasn’t exactly easy, even with Raphael’s grades. Yeah, Raph was no Leo or Don but there’s not much else to do in juvie but workout and study, so that’s what Raph did. Found out he was actually pretty decent in school when he actually put the effort in and had no other options. Not that most universities or colleges even cared. Raphael had stubbornly convinced himself that he didn’t even want to go (after all, he wasn’t even sure what he wanted to do with his life, whether that be opening his own boxing ring or becoming a personal trainer, so he might not even need university in the first place) ( and because being angry was so much easier than being disappointed) until he got the offer from Corona. And yeah he thought it was stupid, and kind of shady, but... he didn’t really have any other options, and his brothers were going too. So he figured why not.

Raph decided to study law because again, why tf not. He minored in italian language and literature because-- well you get the drill. Honestly, if you were to ask Raphael about his major he would simply shrug, grumble, or give you the finger, but after being on the wrong side of the law for so long he wants to know it. In all honesty, Raph doesn’t trust cops or a lot of law enforcement, he thinks a lot of them are incompetent and stupid, and if he has his way, he’s going to be apart of changing that and maybe show these morons how it should be done.

HEADCANNONS

I have a headcannon that Raph took up italian when bored out of his mind in juvie, actually didn’t find it that hard, and he’s just been continuing to learn it and find it pretty damn easy here in Corona. I will say though, Raph isn’t the best student. He isn’t the best with authority figures who aren’t his father (the single and only authority figure he respects) so he tends to be rude in lecture, and ditch a lot, but he aces all his assignments so the professors can’t complain.

Raph is a smoker (both weed and cigarettes) and he doesn’t really care what anyone has to say about it. He figures they’re his lungs to ruin.

Raph has a sleeve at tattoos down his right arm, and an earring in his left ear.

Tends to work out/spar while he’s stressed.

Is a kind of impulsive and aggressive drunk, but also very loose and warm too if that makes sense, he can go from happy to angry at the drop of a hat.

He’s very protective of his youngest brother Mike, and that protectiveness can sometimes extend to other people younger than him. He doesn’t care for the most part, but Raph will always stick up or look out for the little guy, even if he does so grumpily.

The biggest potty mouth in the world omg, like it was hard for me not to curse while writing this while in his head space. He needs a swear jar.

Has some abandonment issues and identity issues due to the whole adoption thing but yk it’s chill he’s trying to chill dkjdfjk

THICK new york accent love this for him

WANTED CONNECTIONS ;  literally almost forgot to put these oof sorry y’all i’m a fool

friends ; raph is hella antisocial so i’d say there’s maybe two spots for these but i would love for him to have some people he actually like Semi likes to be around yk that would be cool (4/4) vanellope, merida, shego, dipper !

annoyance ; someone who bugs him. this is pretty self explanatory but this could be like a big brother/younger sibling kind of situation or it could just be someone who gets on his Last Nerve mabel !

someone he looks out for ; someone raph is protective of! this could be because he thinks of them as a younger sibling, or because he just feels the need to watch out for them and he doesn’t know why. we can plot this out ! rosetta & daphne ! (2/?)

an ex ; raph despite his moody ass, does tend to date even if it’s kind of rare. this could be someone who dated raph for whatever amount of time and maybe it well or maybe it went horribly. 

a past hookup ; self explanatory i think but raph has more hookups than actual relationships so if anyone is interested this is open to f / m / or nb! (1/?) angelica !

a fwb ; again self explanatory and open to all genders ! shego !

a soft spot ; someone who raph has a soft spot for for reasons that can be plotted. this grump is just a little less grumpy around them for reasons idek yet i just figure this could be fun. (2/2) rapunzel & boo !

a sparring partner ; someone who raph turns to when he physically wants to fight. friends with benefits except the benefit is fighting lmao flynn & vanellope !

enemies ; someone who raph hates, and it’s mutual, or maybe it’s one sided ! slightly !

stoner buddy ; coraline !

i think that’s it for now but i’m always willing to brainstorm tbh hit your girl up !

#r.s. | intro. #finally finished this woop

[farfarbetterdream]

another tag game!

I was tagged by: @absentmindeduniverse. I enjoy seeing you on my dash and reglogging (probably too much) from you!

rules: answer these 85 statements about yourself, then tag 20 people. 

damn that’s a lot of statements. and a lot of people to tag...

last

1. drink - water. before that, coffee. 2. phone call - skype call with my parents 3. text message - a friend about her afternoon plans 4. song you listened to - Astronaut by Gregory Alan Isakov 5. time you cried - a week ago

ever

6. dated someone twice? - no. never even dated anyone once. 7. kissed someone and regretted it -  never kissed anyone besides a dare when i was 10 that barely counts, so... 8. been cheated on - again, never been in a relationship so no. 9. lost someone special - romantically, no. family, yes. 10. been depressed - not sure 11. gotten drunk and thrown up - ok yes BUT iblamethecheapalcoholnottheamoutidrank

fave colours

12. forest green 13. a nice warm neutral tan/beige 14. deep blue

in the last year have you…

15. made new friends - yeah! 16. fallen out of love - would have to fall in love first 17. laughed until you cried - all the fucking time 18. found out someone was talking about you - nope 19. met someone who changed you - not really 20. found out who your friends are - yeah i guess? 21. kissed someone on your facebook friends list - wow this thing is just trying to rub it in my face that i’ve never been kissed, isn’t it :/

general

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know irl - pretty sure all of them. or at least used to know irl.

23. do you have any pets -  black standard poodle named Tikva. his name means hope in hebrew, because we got him right before the 2008 election and Obama’s slogan was hope!

24. do you want to change your name - when i was a lot younger i used to consider changing to the normal american pronunciation of hannah instead of the hebrew pronunciation. now i like it.

25. what did you do for your last birthday - it was my 21st so even though i’m abroad and could already drink, I went out and celebrated by going to a few bars and pubs.

26. what time did you wake up today - 4 AM when my noisy flatmate came in >:( then again at 8.

27. what were you doing at midnight last night - zzzzzzzzzzzz

28. what is something you cant wait for - getting to travel around the Scottish Highlands and do a bunch of hiking over spring break!

idk why there’s no 29...

30. what are you listening to right now - not currently listening to any music but in general i’ve been listening to dermot kennedy a lot recently

31. have you ever talked to a person named tom - my best friend in preschool was named tom. then we didn’t see each other for six years. then we went to the same middle school and was a dick to me. probably because he wanted to be part of the cool crowd and i was decidedly not cool 32. something that’s getting on your nerves - my flatmate constantly being so fucking loud and waking me up all the time 33. most visited website - my university email 34. hair colour - brown 35. long or short hair - currently just past shoulder length but that’s longer than i usually like it 36. do you have a crush on someone - maybe. i had a crush on a guy last year for a while. haven’t seen him in forever but also haven’t gotten any new crushes. if i saw him again i think i’d probably still have a crush on him tbh. good thing he’s graduating so i’ll probably never see ihm again :/ 37. what do you like about yourself - honestly? most of the time nothing. 38. want any piercings? - i have one lobe piercing and one cartilage piercing in each ear, but I want more. probably won’t get it though since my ears don’t heal very well from them. 39. blood type - O negative. universal donor, woo woo. 40. nicknames - hannahleh and pumpkin by my parents

41. relationship status - unfortunately single

42. zodiac - Aquarius 43. pronouns - she/her 44. fave tv shows - Black Sails, The 100, and Doctor Who. Also Game of Thrones, Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries, Wynonna Earp, The X-Files, and countless others. 45. tattoos -  no but i kind of want want 46. right or left handed - right handed 47. ever had surgery - i had my wisdom teeth removed, but that’s it. 48. piercings - two on each ear 49. sport - i run and work out for exercise and recreation, but have never done any sports. i enjoy watching basketball occasionally  50. vacation - i like going places with beautiful nature to hike in or lots of historic sites to visit. technically you could say that i’m on an extended vacation right now since i’m studying abroad in scotland. last vacation was to Italy, next one is to the Highlands (unless it decides to snow). 51. trainers - such a weird word. yeah i wear them a lot because i run/work out and also they’re so comfortable to walk around in

more general 

52. eating - does this mean what i’m eating right now??? if so then nothing. at tortellini, spinach, chicken, and a sweet potato about 2 hours ago. about to go eat some chocolate fudge ice cream.

53. drinking - water. i constantly sip water.

54. i’m about to watch - nothing. i’m about to go eat dessert, take a shower, and then do homework.

55. waiting for - the results of the two essays i’ve turned in so far this semester, spring break, and The 100 season 5 premier

56. want - fresh baked cake or cookies, to see my family and my dog, warm weather, to fall in love, to figure out what i want to do with my life 57. get married - definitely, but not anytime in the near future.

58. career - currently a student, don’t really know what i want my career to be in. probably something related to sustainability, environmental education, climate change, cultural heritage protection, or museums. something that helps the world.

which is better

59. hugs or kisses - hugs 60. lips or eyes - i’m assuming all of these are about what we prefer/care more about in a romantic partner. eyes maybe? 61. shorter or taller - kinda have a thing for really tall boys. 62. older or younger - definitely older. 63. nice arms or stomach - holy fuck nice arms do something to me. 64. hookup or relationship - relationship. zero interest in hookups.  65. troublemaker or hesitant - hesitant. that’s my middle name. jk it’s leah. but i would actually say that being hesitant is one of my worst character traits.

have you ever

66. kissed a stranger - we’ve already established here that i have kissed no one. 67. drank hard liquor - i tried rum once when i was like 12 because we found it in a cabinet in our house and i wanted to be like a pirate. pretty sure my dad laughed at me when i choked on it. also done shots of hard liquor. 68. lost glasses - occasionally but only for very brief periods of time. sometimes i’ll take them off at home and forget where i left them in the house. 69. turned someone down - yes 70. sex on first date - no 71. broken someones heart - no but then again i’m usually clueless/oblivious so idk. maybe disappointed people briefly but not broken their heart. 72. had your heart broken - no  73. been arrested - naw 74. cried when someone died -yeah 75. fallen for a friend - i got a crush on a guy i was friends with freshman year of high school. 

do you believe in

76. yourself - rarely 77. miracles - no 78. love at first sight - i don’t think so. attraction, yes. love, no. 79. santa claus - jewish, so no. 80. kiss on a first date - please someone take me on a first date and kiss me. 81. angels - no

other

82. best friend’s name - i’m don’t really think i have a best friend. i have a number of close friends but i’m not good at opening up to people the way i think best friend connotes. but probably my oldest closest friend has the same name as me. 83. eye colour - green 84. fave movie - The Princess Bride even though I always get annoyed by how little Buttercup does. Crossing Delancey is my favorite rom com because it’s hilarious and sweet and super jewish. Also Romancing the Stone because it’s an adventure rom com. The Pride and Prejudice with Keira Knightley is gorgeous. Also always a sucker for the first three Pirates of the Caribbean movies, and the Lord of the Rings movies. 85. fave actor - Tom Hanks because he’s an amazing actor, I’ve liked him in everything I’ve seen him in, and he’s just a precious human being.

tagging a combination of people i know irl and mutuals that I’ve mostly never talked to because i’m super awkward, you can do this if you want, or feel free to ignore it: @the-sadpotato, @ryostrenchcoat, @pinevillagegirl, @ineedpeetalikehekneadsbread, @hufflepuffhermione, @dweebshark, @kleinundasinine, @im-wallpapering-my-locker, @captain-fflewddurfflam, @thedarrparrot, @theavathedork, @geese-juggler, @addyleeliu, @bellarkeaddict, @thren0dy, @veganmewsings, @mistamie

#tag game #about me