#and literally all of them make me think of spn. hate how this show has infested my brain but at least i'm having a good time ig

[2sw]

🖤Understanding Season 4&5 Sam🖤

long post, 30 gifs

sorry I don't care if my english sucks or not anymore. I live with the urge to defend Sam 24/7, that's what it's about.

this post looks weird on pc… recommend you to read on the app

Supernatural S1E01 Pilot // S1E06 Skin S3E08 A Very Supernatural Christmas S4E19 Jump the Shark

Do you see the parallels here? This is why I think people who say season 4 Sam was annoying also hate every other character in this show, they just don't realize that. It was not a big deal when other characters treated Sam the way they did, but when Sam started to mirror them you suddenly find it annoying? That's absurd. I know almost every filmmaking choice of this show is unfair to Sam and I hate that too, but still we audiences can see things from various angles and think for ourselves. And sometimes you need to see the story as a story, not something to take sides.

Supernatural S3E16 No Rest for the Wicked Supernatural S4E04 Metamorphosis

Sam lost his entire family at the end of season 3. He was full of remorse, and to make up for that he was literally following his family's footsteps. Sam became obsessed with revenge like John did after Mary died. Season 4 was about that vicious cycle, the tragedy of it. Dean sold his soul for Sam just like John did for him. Sam tried to be more like his dad and big brother and did what they taught him. And Sam's relapse was a part of the addiction cycle. But Dean locking up Sam in the panic room changed nothing, the final seal was broken after all. So Lucifer gets out, and the oldest family drama is about to start all over again. It wasn't about who was right or wrong. It was about the circle, a never ending story. The next season was about restoring trust in each other and seeking redemption, and Sam eventually broke the chain by sacrificing himself. That's what makes Swan Song the tragic ending of all time. (though it all comes back as the show keeps going on... but what is spn without The Codependency™)

So, yeah, it's beyond me how some people can't see the reason behind Sam's choices in this season cause the context was SO clear. If you watch the show, you can see how much Sam and Dean affect each other and how much both are affected by John in different ways. And it's natural because they are family. We are who we are because of everyone and everything that has happened in our lives, and same goes for every fictional character, including Sam. It's just as simple as that. Sam was just trying to live by his brother's will while battling with grief and loss. He had to keep on fighting without Dean. And the reason why Dean wasn't with him was because Dean sold his soul to save Sam and went to hell for it. It not only made Sam the sole survivor of the family but also made the very being of him their entire legacy. Starting with Mary making a deal with Azazel, every choice ever made in this family is what brought him there. As I said earlier, it's the cycle. And a consequence. In short, if it is a sin, I think it’s everyone’s.

Supernatural S4E04 Metamorphosis

Sam and Dean's fate to be vessels? Their destiny? It doesn't matter in the end. This show was always about fate AND free will. Free will was always there. You always have choices. Sam was the one who believed that most desperately so he became the one who broke the cycle. Even though it was only the last page, he ripped out the written fate anyway and wrote the ending himself. YES HE IS THE MAIN CHARACTER. And after everything he did for the world, the story made him suffer eternal agony with the Devil because he is also a tragic hero figure. (SIGH literally the character of all time)

You can see this all only as an observer, as an audience. For Sam, the only thing he could do at the moment was just find the person to blame―in this case, it's a demon named Lilith― and get revenge. And he was lost somewhere along the road, he became an addict because he couldn't do anything about his loved ones dying, but when he drinks the demon blood it gives him power and a sense of control. (aaaaaand I still don't get why writers wrote this as some kind of diabolical desire in 4x18. I get it sammy what the fuck would chuck know about helplessness)

You can say you wouldn't suck up the demon blood, that's fine, but this story was written in this way, and if Sam didn't do that, the story couldn't go forward. Why? Because he is the main character. (It always had to be you, Sammy!) And reminds you that if you want to watch a show with multiple seasons, you have to remember what happened before to understand what’s going on now. So please don't make up things in your head, just go back to where it all started. There are contexts in everything. Everyone is a consequence of each other, but we don't have to be bound to that fact. We have choices: to change, to make things better. That's why we should be kind to each other, and for that, I love and respect Sam so much cause he didn't let his traumas define him and always tried to be a better person. ♡

I'm not done yet!!! see also this:

Supernatural S3E04 Sin City Supernatural S4E04 Metamorphosis

Dean worried when Sam killed a demon with the Colt to save him cause it also killed a person who was being possessed, and it was 'cold'. But then when he finds out about the demon blood, he is so mad that he doesn't even care about the fact Sam was saving possession victims and just screaming in Sam's face "Use the knife!". It's so??? What is the logic here? This just proves it's always been about his feelings, not really about saving people. Is that an evil thing? No, I don’t think so. Dean is just a human, he can’t control what he feels. But if you use this to beat up Sam, I'll go feral then. Cause Sam is a human too.

And look at Ruby's masterful manipulation skill. Makes Sam feel guilty about everything, and comes back with what he needs when no one's left around him. She really was the best of those sons of bitches.

Supernatural S4E04 Metamorphosis

Seriously, what was Sam supposed to do? Everyone on this show didn't even bother to understand Sam and just decided everything he ever did was fundamentally wrong. Sam was using his own body to change the things outside of him, cause there is nothing he can do about the fact of his body, the blood in it. In life, there are things we can change and we can't. We have to live with that non-negotiable fact for our whole life. Sam learned this most painful way... And one thing about Sam is that he never let the unchangeable things make him give up the things he can change. It's not always a good thing though, cause Sam in s4 was very self-destructive. He was obsessive, and that is one of his problems. Sam is so stubborn and doesn't give up on anything easily. Actually this problem could be solved after s7 cause he tried to move on, but s8 happened… so it got worse, kept getting worse, and look what happened in s10. The most heartbreaking domino effect, I'd say...

Supernatural S5E03 Free to Be You and Me Supernatural S5E06 I Believe the Children Are Our Future

Anyways, back to the point. Unfortunately, Sam started the apocalypse. And what did he do after that? When the whole world tried to hunt him down, the devil wanted to crawl inside him, and an angel called him an abomination? He didn't give up there to remain that abomination. He didn’t surrender. Instead, Sam begged for a second chance. He wanted to atone, wanted redemption. He still believed in others even though he lost trust in himself. He believed there was still something he could do about it. Even when he was possessed by Lucifer, he fought till the end to save his brother and the world. And he did it. He was a fucking hero at that moment, sadly a tragic one too. But the important thing is: Sam Winchester represents hope. (I think Swan Song was a perfect ending as a tragedy. This show got weaker and weaker after s5 which kinda ruined the perfection, but I'm also so glad the show continued cause this message fits more hopefully in Carry On. I needed to see Sam rewarded with something better than eternal agony after all those additional tortures of 10 more seasons.)

One last thing, you know what's funny about Metamorphosis? Dean had nothing to say about the fact Sam saved more people than when they were hunting together, so he just went "That what Ruby wants you to think?" Dude what was going on in your mind. like that was what Ruby intended, he was right about that only by chance, but I still find it funny that Dean said that at this exact moment. And he does this a lot, attacking the messenger when he can't refute the message. He didn't have any rational reasons like Sam, he just didn't like it and that's all(and honestly I think this can be an actual reason too cause there's a history behind it which I talked about it here. I wish Dean had just talked to Sam and had a real conversation. but he never talks about his feelings, that's what Dean Winchester does. so… yep not gonna happen. also, if the brothers have a healthy relationship, that is not supernatural lol), so he brought up Angels and evoked Sam's religious guilt. And the Angels in question also turned out to be manipulative assholes later. Everyone makes mistakes, but somehow Sam is always the one who gets most condemned and blamed. Dean, On the other hand, is justified by the narrative so many times even when it is actually his fault. As I said, unfair. This is not even a Dean crit post, I'm just mad at unreasonable people and the way this show works in general.

I swear I was normal before watching this season. Sam's demon blood arc was what made me insanely fall in love with him, so when I found out all those hate for Sam… that really could be my villain origin story but instead I chose to be on tumblr, so yeah I believe love wins<3 ha what a way to end a post. sorry guys

#sam winchester #dean winchester #spn 1x01 #spn 1x06 #spn 3x08 #spn 4x19 #spn 3x16 #spn 4x04 #spn 3x04 #spn 5x03 #spn 5x06 #s1 #s3 #s4 #s5 #gifs #i don’t agree with this show on so many things and some of the later seasons just piss me off except for occasional good episodes #but the first five seasons of spn are always worth talking about #spn meta

[boywifesammy]

s5e11 sam, interrupted is THE EPISODE. it’s a fucking cinematic pipe bomb. watching it is like chewing on glass and swallowing propane. it is wonderful, it is amazing, it is EXCRUCIATING and i love it. allow me to explain.

(under the cut because i ended up rambling lol)

like, yes… it is extremely ableist. it is extremely offensive. it is an overdone harmful caricature of psych wards and horrific to watch but that is EXACTLY what makes it so good. i’ve never seen spn as a horror show but man this episode?? the psychological distress of it, the unease, the dereality??? it has me frothing at the mouth.

as someone who has tics and PTSD i have first hand experience being labelled as Crazy so that’s the lens i’m coming at this from. this episode is most definitely not a reliable source for mental health info but the way they portrayed martin’s character kinda got me. him stuttering over certain words, his general paranoia, how they clearly address that he went through a deeply traumatic event but that he’s still useful as a hunter even though he can’t do the things he used to before. i don’t think the writers intended for this episode to be viewed the way i did but man i am shaking it around in my cranium like a snow globe.

just the first few minutes of it is insane. dean acknowledging that sam was high on demon blood and that the apocalypse wasn’t his fault. seeing the absolute absurdity of the show in perspective with real life. dean admitting to his psych doctor that he's an insomniac, alcoholic, and incapable of holding long-terms relationships with his usual blase nonchalance, then immediately clamming up when she hits him with the "let's talk about your father." ??!!! i know dean is The daddy issues character but i love when they call him out like that.

and how can i Not point out the blatant assault and objectification… wendy forcefully making out with both sam AND dean. them both getting probed by the fucking monster of the week not even 10 minutes into the episode. SAM BEING TIED DOWN. i cannot explain to you how much i love seeing him restrained. the moment i saw sam tied down and angry i literally vibrated out of my skin that boy must be helpless and restrained more often it is beautiful.

on a sort of related note: high sam. yes. just yes. the little nose boop. him telling dean I Love You. getting all emotional about how much he cares about his brother. the themes of his autonomy being stripped. him being drugged up against his will when he’s a recovering drug addict????? INSANE.

also one thing that really stood out to me was dean being diagnosed as paranoid schizophrenic with narcissistic personality disorder and religious delusions. which, yes, is inaccurate, but seems more like a misinterpretation of his PTSD symptoms. dean isn’t schizophrenic but he IS paranoid and he’s trained himself so thoroughly to weaponize his feelings that even to HIMSELF he seems narcissistic, when he’s really just scared and desperate. he externalizes his self-hatred as this overfed bravado but it’s because if he was honest about how he felt about himself the guy would simply fall apart.

expanding on that note… sam&dean meta on how they react to trauma & grief. dean immediately clams up and becomes anxious and terrified. he shrouds himself in so much false confidence but he genuinely hates himself so fucking much. so much that he just sits with his pain because he thinks he deserves it, while sam wants to externalize. he’s angry and that scares him because of what’s in his blood but the truth is that he has every right to be angry. he wants to be gentle but he has so much repressed rage that it bursts out of him and leaves him terrified in the aftermath. dean on the other hand wants to be angry but he’s so scared and critical of himself that he shuts down.

and the ending. my god the ending. dean telling sam to wrap it up and stuff it down. it’s excruciating to watch because dean’s advice is fucking shit but it’s also heart-breaking because it puts into perspective just how much these boys have on their conscience.

they PHYSICALLY cannot deal with their trauma. it is so awful and overwhelming that they could not function if they remembered it, so they forget about it. they push it down. they hide it away, and it’s so fucking refreshing to have an episode that acknowledges that they do that because THAT IS A TRAUMA RESPONSE. it is quite literally a SURVIVAL tactic. people who are severely traumatized will wipe their memory of traumatic events because they cannot function with it in the peripheral. this is a clear manifestation of sam and dean’s PTSD and how when they’re faced with these problems, their emotions take over and they completely lose themselves, whether that’s due to fear or rage.

the horror of this episode isn’t the wraith. it isn’t the silly little monster sucking out people’s brains. it’s the thing inside you. it is the imagery of these people hanging or with slit wrists being passed off as suicidal because they’re mentally ill. it is the ugly truth of trauma and the ways it twists your memory and self-worth. it is the inherent belief that someone is worthless if they are psychotic or paranoid. it’s the way the episode puts that perspective on sam and dean, shows them what it’s like to hallucinate and drags up their own repressed memories and puts them on full display. it is TRULY horrifying and it is GRIM and NASTY because it is about the human psyche and the horrible ways it can be twisted. it’s a fucking phenomenal episode if you can read the subtext and get past the whole “scary psych ward bad” wrapping.

#oc #supernatural #spn meta #episode analysis #spn 5x11 sam interrupted #sam and autonomy #dean winchester #sam winchester #tw ptsd #tw sui talk #tw sa #tw drugs #hello :) #tagging triggers because this one is a bit of a doozy #i went a little bit crazy watching this episode could you tell #i am very sorry to dump my ramblings on your dash but HEAR ME OUT HERE— #anyways. ANYWAYS.

[laf-outloud]

Jensen DID give a sincere apology to Jared which he’s shared in a few small group settings. He also gave an expansion of “why” what happened happened according to Jensen. We need to stop acting like because we didn’t see it things didn’t happen. As early as 2021 Jared told fans that: Jensen apologised, and the show was never meant to contain either brother, but the cw said it’s at least one or they will not sign off.

I love how ALL of this info comes from Jensen. And he has shown himself to be a liar over and over again so we should trust him why??

So he shared in M&G's that he apologized? Cool, so only ppl who pay hundreds of dollars to sit with him for half an hour get to know how sincere he was (in HIS words)??

Ofc Jared is going to say he apologized (and I hope he actually did). We've watched Jared cover Jensen's ass time and again when he publicly messes up. Hell, he even does it during panels when things start to get away from Jensen. It's part of why his panels with anyone other than Jared tend to be disasters where he inevitably puts his foot in his mouth.

And again, the "neither brother was supposed to be in TW but the CW said they wouldn't greenlight the show without one of them" is from who exactly? Oh right, Jensen again. (also, I think anon meant WB because that's who greenlit it, not the CW but I just went with what they said). You think after the fallout from TW he was going to be like "yea, I was always supposed to be in it, just me. We never planned to have Jared/Sam on"?? OFC he wouldn't! The safest thing for him to say was that he wasn't supposed to be in it, it covers his own ass. Although that still doesn't actually work in his favor if he bothered to really think about what he was saying. So WB wouldn't greenlight it without one of the brothers being in it? Then that means that Jensen knew as soon as the show was approved that he would be in it (actually he would have known before it was even greenlit if they made that a caveat). That still means that he knew for MONTHS and didn't tell Jared. It means he went to work every day with Jared for those last two eps and watched Jared cry every day because he was upset it was ending while he sat on the news that it wasn't ending for him or Dean.

And like @laf-outloud said - even if he privately apologized to Jared (I realllly hope he actually did), he still was a jackass to half the fandom. He told us that we weren't really fans of SPN if we didn't like TW. He told us to "hate watch" TW because it was still viewers/ratings for him. He called people who didn't like TW or questioned it "holes in his net". These were all things he said AT A CON TO FANS DIRECTLY. He figuratively told half the fandom to F*ck Off by completely ignoring and excluding half of the brothers and telling the fans of the person left out basically 'too bad, so sad, watch anyways so I look good'.

Literally none of his explanation or lies about what happened make what he did sound any better. Ya know what would? A simple apology.

According to the same anon, apparently it was Jared who said Jensen offered a sincere apology and it was Jared who said the network required one of the brothers. Now, whether that information about the network requirement came to Jared from Jensen or the network, we don't know.

As to the rest of it, absolutely! Jensen and Jared could still be the bestest of friends, but that doesn't excuse how Jensen treated the rest of the fandom.

#ask box #anti jensen #prequelgate

[livelist]

Okay because clearly I am still upset about this.

April 23:

To Spn Con Audience: “By show of force: how many of you would consider yourself introverts?" How many extroverts? And how many bisexuals?” “I’m all three.”

April 25:

“I want to deeply apologize for misspeaking this weekend...“My clumsy intention was to wave off actually discussing my sexuality, but I badly fumbled that and [I] understand that was seen as me coming out as bisexual.”

THIS DOES NOT MAKE SENSE. Misha did not need to "wave off actually discussing [his] sexuality." He brought it up himself. He is literally just speaking at a podium, and of his own accord, announces that he is Extroverted, Introverted, and Bisexual. That is a pre-planned, pre-written statement if I have EVER heard one!!! Literally like... bisexual doesn't even make sense in that list? Its clearly a joke so he can come out in a funny way?

Like what argments even exist that can possibly explain what he meant if not "he is Extroverted, Introverted, and Bisexual"? Do you think he just stupidly thought bisexual was a word for both extroverted and introverted? Because that seems fucking impossible!!!

Why would bisexuals be in that list? Also, hes asking the crowd, meaning he literally does not need to say that he is ANY of them!! The whole and only point of asking was so that he could announce that he was bisexual!!! That is the only reason to do this little song and dance audience interaction in the first place!!

I mean, its not like he asked "How many straights? How many gays? How many bisexuals?" And then he felt weird and said "I’m all three!" That could sound more like a natural conversation topic that ended with him making an awkward joke that he thought was nonsense and actually made him sound bisexual. But he obviously did not say or intend to say that, I’m just writing fucking fanfiction to try and make any of this make sense!

Like seriously, there is no way to interpret the actions of April 23 than an authentic coming out of a bisexual actor. I cannot fathom any other interpretation. It is not a mis-speak? What was he trying to say if not that? Please, give me any crazy theory you have, I’m begging, because I have nothing.

And that brings me to April 25.

I really don't see how to interpret the combination of these actions as anything other than biphobic. Either one (1.), he thought it was appropriate to joke about coming out as bisexual, and pretend that it was real for two days, or two (2.), his statement on April 25 was a lie, he did mean to come out, and was forced, by either internalized or externalized biphobia, back into the closet.

1., I think, is overtly biphobic, because intentionally deceiving people into thinking you have come out for multiple days, using that to gain attention and therefore money, making coming out and bisexuality seem like the butt of a joke, like.

Fuck I’m just feeling again how fucking CONFUSING this shit is! There is no logical way to interpret it!!!

Occam's Razor honestly, 1. Doesn't make sense its too weird and confusing for his statement on April 23 to be a joke, lie, or misspeak.... it doesn't compute...

2. Internalized or externalized biphobia forced him back into the closet.

Honestly this is the only thing that actually makes any sense to me. Whatever has been forcing/convincing him to stay in the closet for decades forced/convinced him to walk it back (poorly).

I honestly honestly hate to do this because I really try to take people at their word as much as possible. I give people the benefit of the doubt. And ESPECIALLY when it comes to sexuality. I really believe that we must defer to what they call themselves, because even if they will change their minds one day, I believe that questioning them or invalidating how they define themselves in the moment does more harm than good. Or, in simpler terms, I think that people getting constantly questioned about their sexuality usually makes it harder for them to figure it out themselves.

But also. This is a middle aged man, a public and loud supporter of queer people, and he knows he not only has a specific presence within that community, he knows what his fans *think* about his sexuality. (Whether or not the fans are problematic for that is a matter for a different time.) So forgive me if I feel I should hold him to a higher standard when he makes statements regarding his sexuality.

But this isn't a high standard.

The incredibly low bar he couldn't manage to cross?

Don't authentically come out and then take it back two days later

I didn't even think I had to make a fucking bar for that!!!

It's genuinely so hard to even wrap my mind around what the fuck happened here! What is he claiming happened? "Misspeak"?!?!

Okay. I’m sorry. It's so hard to be clear on this issue because it just genuinely doesn't make sense. But I hope I made it a slightly bit more clear why it doesn't make sense? And seriously, I need answers. At least give me a better lie so I can sleep better at night.

I would really care so little if he was bisexual if it wasnt for the fact that he SAID HE WAS ffs I’m out I hope he and his wife and kids are very happy

#I have not watched or posted or cared about Misha or spn in over a decade #other than this confusing catastrophe #like ive never watched anything from Dream but if he did this #id be pissed off too #and he doesnt have the age or history of misha #sorry for bringing up dream he just popped into my mind as a modern tumblr example #anyway #yeah its just the incredibly confusing nature of this captivates me #I saw another post about this and so many feelings were brought up I guess I had to make a post about it #please engage with me about this but please be nice #misha collins #misha collins bisexual #misha collins sexuality #biphobia #biphobic #bisexual #sexuality

[therealvinelle]

Since you hated the angels in SPN (i can't disagree with you about how they butchered them for people who are religious)

What do you think of good omens if you read/watched it?

I've both read and watched it!

I think it's a very good book and a very good adaptation, though I prefer the book and don't plan on seeing the upcoming season of the show.

At the risk of ruffling feathers, I think the best parts of the book came from Pratchett, I really like Gaiman's work (Having read American Gods, Coraline, and one of his short story collections) but... the two authors have different strengths, I think I'll say, and Good Omens played more on Pratchett's strengths than Gaiman's.

Mainly, with Gaiman, my issue is that while he comes up with very good concepts and has the prose to back his ideas up, he can't really carry a plot through to a satisfying end. His short stories are great because it doesn't become a problem, his attempt to write full length stories tend to suffer.

That being said, reading Good Omens you get the idea the authors wrote it to have fun and mess around with nifty characters and "hehe well what if 'his number shall be' was actually referring to a phone number!". Power to them, I'm guilty of the same when I cowrite with @theoriginalcarnivorousmuffin, but the thing that strikes me about Good Omens is that there's a lot that... doesn't actually need to be in the book.

Let's say that we take out Shadwell, Madame Tracy, Anathema, and Newt Pulcifer.

How does this change things?

We lose out on a lot of the fun interactions that make Good Omens what it is, but the story wouldn't actually change at all. Perhaps they don't have to, I rather enjoy that Aziraphale and Crowley risked everything to prevent the Apocalypse, the novel is about an angel and a demon preventing the Apocalypse, only for them to not matter at all as Adam makes the decision on his own: but rather than ending the book on a punchline as the entire cast just sort of stands around awkwardly wondering if they can congratulate themselves when they uh haven't done anything, there's instead the soaring music of "They did it!"

"Uh, what did they do?"

"Something, I'm sure!"

Very Good Omens of them, but there's a strange dissonance where it seems we really are meant to think they did something.

Adam too is an odd character, in that he has been the unknowing God of his little world who is strongly implied to have created The Them (quite literally, given how his power seems to work). He is a facsimile of a human, one who seems to very much want a perfect human life and is capable of creating this for himself, but in doing so becomes so artificial that the weather reports give Newt the creeps.

And yet we don't... do anything with him. He's too humanised to come across as what I described above, but not human enough for me to not see him the way I do. He's just sort of there.

So yes, I have complaints about Good Omens, but overall it truly is a delightful book, just one where I would have chosen differently from the authors at many points.

#good omens #anti good omens #neil gaiman #anti neil gaiman #terry pratchett #good omens negativity #(I tag conscientiously for other fandoms because they don't know to block me yet) #adam young #good omens meta

[asterekmess]

i saw your tags on that cop character post and like I totally agree like how am I supposed to believe Stiles who spent most of the show skirting the law or outright breaking it suddenly becomes mr goody too shoes fbi???? Like everything in the show happened bc he went looking for a dead body

Honestly, the only reason I can remotely understand him doing it is if he was literally trying to sneak into government databases. Like, his dad broke SO MANY LAWS as a sheriff, so many times. Stiles himself does not believe remotely in the sanctity of law or government (and he's right not to, considering his situation). So like, I *could* technically believe him joining the FBI. But only if his goal is entirely to get access to their databases and resources and to liberally abuse any and all perks and abilities that it would give him, in order to further the protection of the people he cares about. And also a lil bit to spite them because the politics and beurocratic bullshit behind law enforcement has done nothing but screw with his life, including before the SPN. SPending years worried his dad was going to lose his job just for not arresting someone fast enough has got to have made him HATE the entire concept of the job. Like, I love the sheriff. I love him in spite of his job, honestly. I believe he's a good man and at the same time I believe all cops are bastards, and because this is a fictional world, I FIRMLY believe that he is a shining *FICTIONAL* example of 'not all cops are bad cops'. But only because of how fucking desperate everyone is to get him fired. Like, if there was ANYTHING that would make me think this man was a "Good" cop, it would be the number of times everyone in his field has tried to kick him out, while the people he actually protects like having him there (aside from jackson's dad, who like, did not have all the facts). It's like people say, there are no good cops because the good cops don't get to stay cops. They get fired. They get transferred. They get Removed, because if they're good then they're going to cause problems for the not-good ones. And Sheriff Stilinski REALLY gives me that vibe. He ends up in a weirdly powerful position, and he uses and abuses it to do what is actually right, even when it doesn't provide timely arrests or satisfying answers for his bosses. And the FBI fucking hates him and they all make claims about how he's not good at his job, he can't close a case, whatever. They want him out. I won't deny that he as a character is absolutely cop propaganda and that there are PROBLEMS with how he abuses his power from a purely 'real' stance. But in the fictional world they live in, he as a *person* I think is awesome. And i headcanon heavily that he does not actually fucking like his job. He doesn't have the job because he even 'believes' in it. he has it for the same reason stiles would join the FBI. Because he's going to use it as a tool to get done what needs done. I the argents can infiltrate the school system and the law enforcement and everything else, then stiles can infiltrate the fbi, and the sheriff can have taught his son to do it by infiltrating their own precinct YEARS ago.

I'm absolutely rambling and off my rocker at the moment, but yeah. ACAB. Also we love the sheriff in this house. The wonders of this being a fictional world we're talkin about. *dreamy sigh*

#personal #rant #go for it #meta ramblings

[dothwrites]

moriah is probably one of my favorite season finales. it changes EVERYTHING.

cas and dean's fight here is another brick added to the divorce wall. dean saying that he wanted to kill jack and then blaming cas for mary--cas might have accepted his responsibility in what happened to mary, but dean saying that he wanted to kill jack is a step too far. and it pushes cas away from him and it does break something between the two of them. cas is a DAD now, and he's always going to protect his kid. dean is grieving and scared and lashing out, and he's also saying the things that he knows will hurt and upset cas the most.

also VERY suspicious that they had dean and cas separated for the "stop lying" part of this episode. wonder what they might have said to each other if they WERE in the same room...

dean watches jeopardy each night. this is precious to me. dean is smart! he's a smart boy!

i can sympathize SO MUCH with the man who screams "I HATE EVERYONE!" at his desk with such glee. same random citizen. same. (the stapler queen also gets an honorable mention)

also, not even crowley would be so low as to make a demon deal with tr*mp, but i am SO glad that spn went there.

cas thinking about putting jack in the cage... and you know that cas would stay with him because he would think that it's what he deserved and what jack needed... but this is how bad things have gotten.

and chuck gives the plan away right here! he says, unequivocally, that writers lie. and i'll admit, i was taken in the first time--i wanted to think that chuck was good--but watching it now, it's obvious just how OFF he is. he's TOO cheerful and blase over jack.

everyone is right. the equalizer is a stupid ass name

i deserved to see a showdown between billie and chuck, not billie becoming another boring villain.

and then dean's "get on board or walk away" and cas walks! he walks away! and dean isn't surprised but then again, he really is, because when does cas ever walk away from an ultimatum like that? he always falls in line and goes along with the plan, but this time! he walks away!

god how painful must it be for cas to hear jack tell him that he can't love him. and then dean shows up and cas to choose between them AGAIN. has to put himself deliberately between dean and jack AGAIN. and jack kneels! he kneels before his father and he accepts his judgement even when it's WRONG and unjust!

the emphasis from the VERY BEGINNING has been on free will. and finding out that it's all been a lie from the very beginning... no WONDER dean is spun out over the next few episodes. he literally doesn't know up from down and can you blame him?

"welcome to the end" is such a very badass thing to say

THIS IS THE MOST BADASS MONTAGE EVER TO END A SEASON ON

#doth watches spn

[mlobsters]

supernatural s11e23 alpha and omega (w. andrew dabb)

so i've often complained about how dean and cas's relationship is talked about a lot more than seen onscreen (we're best friends! ok when?) but this part of this season has been a lot more of dean showing how cas is high priority to him. it feels a little out of nowhere to me i guess, because i never got whatever vibes they were trying to establish (i didn't come into the show with any sort of bias other than i knew destiel was The Thing and got blindsided by wincest feelings out the wazoo). anyway, i just try to accept that the show is gonna try to sell me on dean and cas being close, and try not to bitch (too much) about not getting it. clearly failed that brief today

oh, i thought lucifer bailed because he thought amara was gonna off him via cas, apparently it was amara who yoinked him out

LOL chuck clinging onto sam is really cracking me up. he looks so small and sam looks like he doesn't even notice there's a person hanging off him

CROWLEY Well... that was a complete and utter dog's breakfast, wasn't it? CAS I didn't know dogs had breakfast. DEAN Cas is back.

i was 🤔 because since i (clearly) watch gbbo i know the phrase is dog's dinner lol. if a dog eats in the morning, is that not a breakfast, cas?? haha and dean's response to sam like obviously cas is back, based on the doofy comment (and voice, amirite)

based on their reactions and the dramatic music i was expecting something a little more exciting than an especially pretty sunrise

oh, the sun is dying. that is very dramatic. i don't know that would be the conclusion most people would make from that view

oh no, is this british men of letters? 😴 you know MoL storylines are my favorite. and a new batch of them

really. because we don't have enough characters. i hate the music, i already hate the premise and it's only been literally a minute

CHUCK Sam. I get it. Even if we could lock Amara away, it wouldn't do any good now. I'm dying. And when I'm gone, a cosmic balance between light and dark—it's over.

beating the dead horse of "what about the other deities" and here's the problem right. you know (they probably know) they'd make a fucking mess if they tried to address it. but they did address other religions and deities in the past several times! oh what is God just the most important god or somethin :p i know it's a no-win situation, but it still irks me on the regular

CAS I was just... so stupid. DEAN No, no, no. It wasn't stupid. You were right. You were right to let Lucifer ride shotgun. Me and Sam wouldn't have done that.

all right. bend the story around so it wasn't a fuckup

DEAN You know, sometimes me and Sam have got so much going on that...we forget about everyone else. CAS Well, you do live exciting lives. DEAN Yeah, that's one word for it. But you're always there, you know? You're the best friend we've ever had. You're our brother, Cas. I want you to know that.

and i'd offer that he's the best friend they've ever had because he's been semi-indestructible and resurrected all the times he has died when their friends pretty much never get that kind of service.

i try to really be fairly neutral when watching and writing these up, i obviously have some bias towards sam and dean as a unit because the show sold me hard on it from the get-go. but i think the lack of relationship established to me, and the very large presence cas and destiel has within fandom and even just the outsider perception of spn based on that large fandom presence - well. stuff like this, i just don't like it. it doesn't feel true to me and it kinda sorta pisses me off. and it pisses me off that part of my feelings about the character are based on some dumb kneejerk reaction to the fandom stuff. and it's perplexing.

the previous show i was into was teen wolf. stiles/derek is obviously the prevailing ship there - and there's almost nothing in canon between them. really working with crumbs. the ship that is much smaller but i can totally vibe with is scott/stiles. but i happily read all sorts of sterek fic too and it never bothered me like this does. so i'm reminding myself that it's not that it's a ship i think is more fanon based than canon that is the problem. or even that it's the popular ship. i think it's an amalgamation of the weird mismatch for me in the show, the fanon-sold-as-canon meta i see sometimes (which i avoid meta in general now) and (honestly) the virulent hate directed towards wincest shippers that i'd stumble into when just browsing the spn tag. anyway. (maybe if i keep explaining, someone will understand!!)

she really does look beaten down

SAM So, we don't really have a choice. I mean, look. Y-You've got darkness and light. You take one side away and— CAS It upsets the scales—the whole balance of the universe. SAM Exactly. But you take both away, and now both sides of the scale are empty, so...

*raising my hand to ask about when they killed those other deities*

CAS Well, what about souls? They fuel your demon deals. Souls are living batteries. They're full of energy. They're full of light. Each one is as powerful as...100 suns?

okay so would this process destroy the souls? i mean better than being tortured in hell, but the ones that are ghosts.. surely they're not all destined for hell after they get taken care of? guess it's a moot point of the earth/universe gets wiped out. ends justify the means etc

well that was cute

got their shiny rock stuff full of people and billie lurking around, of course, why not. we don't have enough people involved in this. man i'm crotchety this evening. ah right, because billie has access to a lot of souls? having flashbacks to whatever fucking season that led to the leviathans lol. marcia, marcia, marcia!

is amara having a crisis of conscience or something

AMARA So you hate him. WOMAN Well, a little bit. Sometimes. But you know family. Even when you hate them, you still love them.

eyes about rolled back into my head. so all the things we said about amara, scratch that

i do like the little flirting between crowley and billie though, that was cute

ROWENA You won't carry the bomb. You'll be the bomb.

oh for fuck's sake. and they're busting out the mushy music, not surprisingly. i refuse to get upset over this because i'm sure it's also going to be walked back very shortly. like hey amara doesn't want to kill everyone anymore because she was sad about some flowers she killed and realized the importance of family from a conversation with a rando in the park

dean's gonna (not) die-die and get thrown in the empty and he hasn't even talked to sam about it. power through. (the part of me that empathizes too much with sam had the brief moment of despair, "dean's going to leave him again! forever")

oh, come on. pulling the dead parent card? this is the kind of thing that edges into emotional manipulation for me. there better some really good fucking hugs in this episode in payment for this bullshit.

no no NO funeral planning. i actually had that conversation with my dad with terminal cancer when i was 16 and no. (he didn't want the wake to be sad but i mean. fucked if i can remember what it was like) not when it's all gonna get taken care of miraculously some other way. do not push these buttons for some shit that got cooked up halfway into the episode. i said i wasn't going to get upset and clearly that was a failure.

so do we find out chuck was lying about something. is the british mol thing just like, introducing a new plotline for next season.

look at that, amara and chuck are all peachy now.

AMARA Dean, you gave me what I needed most. I want to do the same for you.

...they couldn't zap dean back home before they left?

TONI We've been watching you, Sam. What you've done, the damage you've caused—archangels, Leviathans, the Darkness, and now, well— the old men have decided enough's enough. I mean, let's face it, Sam. You're just a jumped-up hunter playing with things you don't understand and doing more harm than good.

great. couldn't go to the good old nugget of the police or fbi being after them, gotta step it up to some supernatural police

so what dean needs most is his mom. ok, sure

#supernatural #spnwatch #spn 11x23 #spnwhinge #spn clip #spn mushy music #spn musical score #andrew dabb

[what-do-1000-swords-look-like]

The anti reactions from yesterday have me just shaking my head. I am by no means a professed stan of Jensen. I'm a fan of his works and I've followed his career, I appreciate his interactions with the public (like cons) as well as his public persona, but I don't worship the ground the guy walks on. He's a human being who I enjoy watching on my screen from time to time in different roles or displaying said public persona. That's it. I support him, but I don't stan him blindly, if that makes sense. Not him or any other celebrity.

That being said, I found the anti/critical reactions to something Jensen allegedly said that had been tweeted out from the Dallas Con to be very interesting and highly entertaining in some cases, especially with one particular anti blog that consistently claims to love this man and want the best for him while psychoanalyzing him and hating (and blaming everything that Jensen does/says that disappoints them) on his wife with the maturity level of a fourth grader. To put it bluntly, antis showed their asses yesterday and it is pure confirmation of what I and so many on here have been saying for quite some time now in regards to these posts/blogs.

Yesterday:

Tweet from the Gold Panel: "Jensen: 'he and I don't take on projects for the impact, we're serious about what we do.'"

Me: 'huh, you know, that wording seems a bit... Eh, you know what, knowing Jensen and how this fandom works anytime he dares to breathe, I'm going to wait to see the panel myself tomorrow and get the context of the question and his answer. If anything, he just misspoke, but I highly doubt he meant it in a bad way. Knowing him, he absolutely cares about the impact it has had on so many people and he might have thought the asker meant something else. Still, I'mma wait and see for myself.'

Antis:

and one particular blog (the one that claims to love him be in love with him):

'Jensen, you're no true actor and I would know since I'm an expert on acting! How dare you! You've hurt me so deeply!'

Today:

I watched the Gold Panel. Question was did the guys think about how massive the impact SPN would be in reference to their careers aka people knowing who they are, people following them, etc. Basically, did they know what it would become, something Jensen clarifies with the fan before answering. Jensen's actual response:

"Yeah, I don't, I mean, I guess to kind of quickly break it down, I don't think he and I go into any of these, uh, jobs or roles or stories thinking about the impact it's going to have externally. I think we go into it as...you know, they hire us to come in and do a job and...and he and I both, uh, we both take that job seriously even though it may not look like it all the time. But we also have a lot of fun doing the job because we truly enjoy doing what we do. That being said, we're not thinking 'oh let's do this because I want the effect that's going to have on a greater scale'. We're just doing our job. And hopefully, it resonates to people. Hopefully, somebody out there is entertained. And if that's the case, then we've done our job."

Me trying to see what had the antis losing their minds, especially that one blog and NOT finding it anywhere:

This is why you always watch the panels for yourself and avoid anti posts/blogs at all costs. They always claim they are there to be the opposite to AA's, to apply critical thinking, to view Jensen as human instead of a god, to be the ones with "a reality check", but they jump just as quickly as that group and crucify the guy before doing due diligence. Critical thinking should also include getting your facts straight before spreading misinformation (and in this case, more hatred). This is literally the same tool kit lawyers, law enforcement, and investigative journalists use all the time. It's good old common sense.

So block, mute, filter these people. Do whatever you gotta do, but this proves once and for all what we've all been saying. These anti/critical blogs that claim to "apply critical thinking" are full of shit.

Critical thinking is defined as "the objective analysis and evaluation of an issue in order to form a judgment." The reactions were not objective, especially the one blog that had an emotional heartbroken reaction. They were subjective, colored by their own biases. They did not analyze and evaluate the situation fully before issuing a judgement; they were missing a very crucial piece of the puzzle before they started sounding off and they knew it but they didn't care.

So the next time an anti/critical blog says in defense of their hating on/criticizing of Jensen (or anyone really) that they're applying critical thinking and you should try the same when you propose an alternative point of view (about Jensen or not), just remember it's all a smoke screen of bullshit. So again, block, mute, filter, whatever you gotta do. Personally, I think this shit's hilarious and entertaining on a Real-Housewives type level.

And that one blog that had such an emotional reaction to something that Jensen didn't even say in the way they thought he did, it's one thing for you to feel the way that you do, but spreading misinformation as you did, saying Jensen is no true performer, I don't know, maybe it's time to let go of your obsession with loving (aka being in love with) and hating this guy and move on?

#like seriously wtf was that yesterday #some ppl need a serious reality check #just sayin' #anti antis #like if you want to be critical of the guy that's cool #but do your homework first #i hope none of y'all are in our legal system #because if this guy was on trial he'd be put away for life for so many imaginary crimes #keep on keeping on jensen #you do you dude #jensen ackles #jackles #and this is not a pro-aa post #just want to make that perfectly clear #aa's and the antis can go take long walks off of short piers together #and leave us real fans to show the guy the appropriate amount of respectful appreciation for him as an actor #i said what i said #anti jensen hate

[thegeminisage]

ok! it's star trek update time. last night we watched ds9's "paradise" and tng's "thine own self."

paradise (ds9):

this episode was an exercise in correctly predicting vibes. first it was "oh she has vibes" and she did. then it was "she crashed this spaceship herself" and she did. and then it was "this crazy bitch watches fox news" and LO, SHE MENTIONED ANCIENT EARTH RELIGIONS,

sisko in the box was HORRIBLE!!!! i dont know how obrien held back truly. i loved his action hero moments though he really is so much fun

AND sisko nearly got a close enocunter of his own...i wanted more sisko content but not quite like this. please treat him really niceys or at the very least don't put him in a box that was so dehumanizing

i can't believe in the end everybody was just like...yeah lets stay here even tough she let all those people die needlessly when she had the power to save them 🥰 it kind of ruins it, like, there's no fucking consequences??

in fact, humans are totally allowed to start colonies like this with no tech WITH CONSENT. she could have found other like-minded nutjobs and done all of this totally above-board

guy from spn hollywood babylon was in this ep.

thine own self (tng):

I WANTED AMNESIA DATA BUT NOT LIKE THIS!

girl him not knowing what "radioactive" meant even though he remembered concepts like "cellular degeneration"...this is literally why we have the "this is not a place of honor" project and you're telling me they havent nailed that shit by the 2300s?

deeply distressing to watch everyone touch the metal until about halfway through the episode when we remembered this was tng and they'd probably bullshit a cure. which they did do, but it was still distressing to watch. he gave that whole village cancer

AND THEN GOT HATE CRIMED...his head was very fun to look at after his skin got torn off but geez.

i absolutely loved this woman scientist. instead of screaming and running away from him she promptly assigned him iceman at birth and went on about her life. big "that guy has horns oh well not gonna ruin my day" energy. and i mean considering the state of science in her society she was doing pretty good to work with what she had

once again, data is dead and buried. but they exhumed him just like they exhumed beverly nana. his android body has gotta be so old by this point...

"jayden" as data's fake name gave me fits because of course im thinking of mr fbi from heavy rain. been awhile.

i did NOT like the b-plot of this episode. deanna doing badly on the tests until she ordered geordi to die sucked and riker being so harsh with her sucked. i think the lesson was that deanna should have been willing to go in herself and die, although i guess she's not skilled enough to make the repairs. still it feels weird that you can just order someone to die like...geordi's brave and he'd do it but what if he didn't want to? then what? nobody thought this through

if i ordered geordi to die in the holodeck i would never be able to look him in the eyes (or visor, whatever) ever again

however the women on this show did get to talk repeatedly about stretching themselves so there is that i guess

TONIGHT: ds9's "shadowplay" and tng's "masks."

#personal #star trek blogging #ds9 lb #tng lb

[kiyaar]

Tell me about the things Destiel does for you? Is it the way Cas has torn himself apart (metaphysically, spiritually, his literal true form is mutated and scarred) for his love of Dean, but in a way Dean cannot physically SEE without it burning his eyes out, that all the other angels and demons keep insinuating Dean or Castiel himself has done SOMETHING permanent and transformative to his true form, but Dean brushes it aside as queer innuendo? That he CAN'T accept that Cas loves him so much it’s broken him or else he has to acknowledge that love or shoulder the burden of being the very poison to people he loves just like he’s always feared? And Dean brushing off the angel's comments might make Cas feel like Dean doesn’t really care rather then him not understanding/shielding himself?

(And that Cas's final act forced him to face all of that?)

Or that Dean, a man that went selectively mute as a child after the fire for almost a year, can't ever SAY what he wants. How he needs people to see past his protective, false layers of bravado and machismo to know what he's truly asking for. And this man that can't ask directly loves so dearly this Alien Being that can see HIM as he is truly, but lacks the experience, context, (and self esteem)* to read between the lines of “you're family” “stop being stupid and listen to me” “… you leaving?” and “I need you” instead of hearing: “I care about you so much I will die without you just like I would without my brother” “be safe I don’t want you hurt” “please stay” and “I love you”. And thru Cas's lack of comprehension Dean takes it as rejection over and over? That this man that hates his inability to speak at the right time or to say what he needs to say, who hates that he reacts with anger or silence instead, can’t say anything back to Cas that MEANS half of what Cas said at the very end

*(Cas at the beginning and later at points thru the hazes of regret and self loathing Cas hears “we are of a few comrades in this fight” “I don’t trust your judgment you idiot” “please leave already” and “you can stay because you are useful”

He SOMETIMES gets to “you are part of a very small group of friends we trust” “please don't get in trouble we have to bail you out on” “what are you up to? Want to watch a movie?” and “my life is easier and better with you in it buddy”)

i think it has to do with queer loneliness for me. i come to spn assuming dean winchester is a deeply closeted bi man and is dealing with some hefty queerphobic daddy issues and is also like big into self-denial and masking and self-destruction via substance and willing himself to be a human tumbleweed to deal with those issues. okay. in comes castiel whose first relationship move as a weapon (!!) of heaven is to literally brand him, singlehandedly pull him out of hell and then imprint on DEAN PERSONALLY which is like. a (queer) trauma savior fantasy.

castiel laid a hand on you and he was LOST! like! fuck me!! (–dean winchester, probably –) no one has ever loved me that way and certainly i can't deserve it and god i want to keep it but i don't know how! and like. the Show puts them in RIDICULOUS situations like. the world is ending. i sold my soul. i was tortured for 40 years for nothing. you can't go home again but sometimes home comes to pull you out of hell. dean goes to hell a child and he comes out an old man. he drinks and he gripes and he cries a lot but jesus god, i'd cry too. who on EARTH is going to understand that experience? no one has the language to talk about time like that, the absence of it, the agony of the duration, the skip. castiel does, because he's ancient as fuck.

it would be far less compelling to me if dean could articulate what he wants and needs and loves, but he has trauma blinders and castiel is like. he is so dangerous! but in the way a weapon in the hand is dangerous to the holder if the holder keeps fucking pointing it at himself. and castiel's only (successful) love language is burning the world down for dean and dean doesn't fucking want it! or he doesn't want it like that! or he wants normal things, instead, like consistency and a relationship that isn't constantly chafing his avoidant attachment and abandonment issues - but all he knows how to do is be mad and seethe and wrap it all up and cry about it behind a locked door in a hotel room he shares with his dipshit brother! god!! man cannot handle being loved unconditionally and he makes it everyone's problem! i'm unwell! see also: Mitski_I'm Your Man.mp3

#ki replies #spn #pulling out my clown makeup palette to spit up a lil brainworm manifesto for you in the year of our lord 2024

[sakarrie-creates]

2023 Fic Round-Up/Reflection

Got an early start this year! I technically was shooting to get it done before the new year but I feel like I’m still within a reasonable window, so I’ll take it! Here’s my 2023 Writing Summary! Overall, I think I actually did okay! As usual, my rambly reflection stuff is under the cut. Happy 2024 people!

2023 Stats:

Fics Started: 12 Fics Fully Written: 12  Fics Posted: 5 New WIPs: 0 Total WIPs: 20 (ish?) Words Written: 53,686 (55,598 if including fic outlines that haven’t been turned fic) Words Posted: 34,805 Fandoms Written For: 3 (+1 for Merlin FTH outline) Events: 4 (+3)

Posted Fics:

Supernatural (Gen): 2

When it Rains, it Pours (13,779): As part of Chuck's "reliving of his greatest hits," Sam starts having his painful visions again. He doesn’t want to believe it, but the nightmares keep coming true and now, he's beginning to worry it’s not just visions. During their last hunt, Sam could have sworn that the machete he was reaching for threw itself. Dean didn’t seem to notice anything but later that night, Sam finds a small trail of blood coming from his nose.

He needs to tell Dean—he knows that. But Dean’s been struggling a lot between Chuck and losing... well, most everyone. He's just barely beginning to bounce back, and Sam was his only constant right now. He’ll just have to keep a handle on it until they can take care of Chuck. Set around s15e4 Atomic Monsters. 

Whatever it Takes (1,875): Gadreel's possession of Sam has more serious side-effects than Dean ever imagined. Now, his brother is sick, hurting, and close to giving up. But Dean is determined to make this right. 

The Owl House (Gen and Implied/Background Ship - Huntlow): 2

What Doesn't Kill You (Gives You Trauma) (1,737): With the reconstruction of Hexside finally complete, a sense of normality has been restored. Fortunately, that includes Grom. Unfortunately one of their own has been declared King. Hunter doesn’t even know which fear he'll have to face. He certainly has enough painful memories for Grom to take its pick. With a bit of luck and support from his friends, though, he might just make it through the night.

Frenemies (1,737): Hunter gets a mysterious message telling him to meet them at the night market. He really should have realized Luz would be behind this. Or: Post-ASIAS, Luz doesn't like the idea of Hunter suddenly showing up at Hexside and almost kidnapping her friends.

Code Lyoko (Gen): 1

No One’s an Island (7,612): Yumi is tired. XANA's attacks have been relentless and it's wearing her down. Between school, home life, and Lyoko, she's not sure how much more she can handle. After all, there's only so much weight one person can take. Except, it's not just Yumi's burden to carry, and her friends are going to do whatever they can to remind her of that. 

Specifics:

Events Participated In:

SPN Summergen (Fic), Player Appreciation Week (Art), Weird People MEP (Edit), Dear Fellow Traveler (Animatic), SPN Gencest Bang (Fic), Fandom Trumps Hate (Art/Fic), Mirage and Mischief Zine (Fic), and LOTS of zine apps (Fic, Art, Mod).

Best/worst title?

Best title: None of them super jump out at me, but Whatever it Takes and Between the Lines of Fear and Blame both come from songs where the song vibe/lyrics match the fic PERFECTLY. The latter is a bit long for my tastes, but it’s grown on me. What Doesn’t Kill You (Gives you Trauma) makes me chuckle too, but it’s got the same length issue as well as trying out a new style from my norm which I had mixed feelings on.

Worst title: Oof, well as usual, I didn’t particularly like most of my titles this year. I think Frenemies has to take the cake though. It started as a working title but then I got lazy and just left it when I posted. It feels so generic and not... aesthetic enough? Poetic enough? Literally no idea why it bothers me so much but it does.

General Questions:

Looking back, did you write more fics than you thought you would this year, less than you thought, or about what you predicted?

I honestly can’t remember what I was expecting this year (and it’s tradition that I can’t look back at my goals ‘til I answer these questions, so it will remain unknown). I certainly hoped to be able to do more since last year was a fairly barren year creativity-wise, but I’ve also been quite aware for a while that being in school sucks out my soul makes it difficult to create. With that, I think I probably was in the ballpark of what I was expecting. I might have predicted it being more spread out, though, which is a rookie move considering that my classes are clustered haha. What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted last year?

I think I’d just barely gotten into TOH at the start of the year, so that wasn’t COMPLETELY unpredictable, but I did write some Huntlow (aka, romance) fics, which is abnormal for me! Additionally, I can’t remember if I discovered The Sentinel this year or last, but that definitely wasn’t expected. Just got the DVDs so I can finish watching the series! Oh, also writing Code Lyoko was a new experience (not counting my random 6th grade fanfiction I wrote in notebooks lol).

What’s your favorite story this year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you the happiest.

I’m split quite a bit on this one. On one hand, I really like my Grom fic (so far) so I’m hoping that will continue to flow as I wrap it up. I also like my unposted fic about Willow dealing with Hunter’s near-death and Camila comforting her. Of those that are currently posted, though, I think I might go with No One is an Island. It was a lot of fun trying to figure out how to write Yumi and the other Code Lyoko characters, and considering the small size of the fandom, it was fairly well-received too!

Okay, NOW your most popular story.

Same as the last two years! Fragmentation’s views are hard to really predict since view counts have been down since September, but the total views has officially surpassed the overall word count at 21.4k views (vs 20.7k word count). Which is AMAZING. It’s always a bit wild to me to consider, but I’m so great people are enjoying my fic. Next is still The Problem With Good Intentions at 12.6k, which surprises me less now that I’ve seen just how alive and well the Once and Future Fandom is haha. From the fics I posted this year, it would be When it Rains, it Pours at 1.5k.

Story most underappreciated by the universe?

A Letter to Never Be Read on FF.net never really got any traction, but I think I’m over it by now. As for more current underappreciated fic... I think I might actually go with When it Rains, it Pours again. Even though it had the most views, it’s a fairly long, multi-chap story and didn’t get many reviews in between chapters. That’s part of the challenge with bangs and posting dates, though, so nothing too shocking there.

Hardest story to write?

It’s really hard to say! I was struggling with burnout a lot during my zine app timeframes, but most of those fics haven’t been posted yet. It might be Whatever it Takes just cause I had such a hard time coming up with something that matched the prompts as well as my preferences. When it Rains, it Pours was also a challenge at times, but mostly in trying to find motivation to write anything.

Most overdue story?

It’s Only Natural is still very very overdue, but it’s not super popular (and is on FF.net), so it’s not one I’m stressed about. I think about A Long Ways Home a lot, though. I wanted to work on it recently, but unfortunately my writing energy needed to go towards FTH so that continued to be put off. People have left some very supportive comments on it recently, though, which I majorly appreciate!

Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them?

It hasn’t been a very writer-heavy year, which means less opportunities for writing risks. Writing for Code Lyoko was something of a risk in that I had no idea how it would turn out, but it wasn’t actually that adventurous. I also explored different types of grief in an unposted zine app piece, but I think in the end it turned out solid! My biggest risk was probably a different ficlet I wrote for a zine app. It was of young Eda and Grudgy, so both about characters I’m less invested in and in the sports genre, which is totally new for me. Unfortunately, that risk didn’t pay off. I actually felt pretty good about it, but when I sent it for feedback from a mod friend, they really didn’t like it. Everything’s subjective so it’s possible that it would still be enjoyable for some people, but suffice to say, I didn’t use it for any apps in the end.

How’d this year compare to your goals of last year?

Okie here we go! I think my goals were fairly reasonable last year if I remember correctly so I’m tentatively optimistic I’ll have some stuff to check off! 

Oof last year had a bunch of paragraphs of reflection here. I think I’m gonna focus more on bullets this year haha.

Goals from 2022:

-Unfortunately, keeping my scholarship has to be my biggest goal this year again so gonna put that here in case it's the only thing I can check off come December.

-A Long Ways Home (at least 1 new chapter) -SPN Summergen-At least 3/7 Player Appreciation Week days-Catch up on comment replies -At least do some more brainstorming for bigger CS aus -Huntlow/Owl House fics?-One zine?

If crazy inspired year: -All of A Long Ways Home -All Player Appreciation Week Days -WIP Bang with It’s Only Natural -Post More CS One-shots -Write out more big AU scenes -Other Zines

Oof, okay so apparently I was not crazy inspired this year lol. To be fair, I did do a bit more exploration in art and lots more in merch, so it wasn’t a totally uncreative year. And I doubled my word count overall from last year! Plus I did apply to a LOT of zines this year... I just unfortunately didn’t get in to nearly any of them. Next time maybe though! I’m a pinch hitter for a couple so that’s something at least!

It’s also been a year with lots of burnout and anhedonia for me, so brainstorming has been completely unachievable for most of the year. It’s been sad and I feel a little bad for my poor friends who love to brainstorm with me, but thankfully they have other sources. I’m scared to say anything, but I’ve felt more recently like maybe some interest is returning, so I’m crossing my fingers that it will still be there by the time FTH/Mirage&Mischief stuff is finished and school starts.

I actually met my goals this year too! In fact, my stretch goal had 25k posted, which I doubled in total and surpassed in written too, which is really impressive for me! Not to mention, I finished EVERY SINGLE fic I wrote this year!! That’s WILD for me. To be honest, it’s probably more a sad reflection on how I was writing purely for external deadlines rather than myself, but hey! Still got them all done and wrote a lot of words. Overall, thank you last year Sakarrie for keeping things achievable cause I actually did meet/exceed my goals! 

What are your fic writing goals for next year?

Well, I was a little relieved to find that I’d met them this year, so I think I’m going to try to keep things not too high again. Overall, though, I think I want to have a little more room for creative freedom in what I’m writing this year. For how little creative work I was doing, I did a TON of events, and at many times, those obligations stopped me from working on something I was feeling more inspired by. My fandom interests jumped all over this year (main focuses include: TOH, Merlin, Code Lyoko, The Sentinel, Dragon Prince, She-ra, Handplates (Undertale), and Centaurworld). Honorable mentions to Amphibia, SPN, and Miraculous Ladybug too... and that’s all just the stuff I’ve had long hyperfixations on this year. There’s tons of fandoms outside of those that also grabbed my attention on and off this year.)

Anyway, my hope is that I’ll be able to write similarly or more this year, but based on my own fickle inspiration, rather than only writing when I hate to for events. With that, I think I’m going to just stick with the Gencest Bang and zine obligations as the only writing events I’m planning on this year. I also hope to do Player Appreciation Week and Summergen again, but both of those could be art if needed. 

I also 100% failed in my comments goal from last year, but my mindset is slowly getting healthier I think. I do leave comments occasionally, but they still feel like way bigger deals than they should be. I’m getting better at letting old tabs go, though! I’m also fairly behind on responding to comments of my fics, but that one’s a lot more manageable.

Additionally, I want to have a pinned post on my tumblr page and ao3 profile page where people who are interested can see my current status on projects. I don’t expect it would be updated all the time, but it might help me keep track of everything.

Okay so! Goals for next year: -Have a solid zine portfolio -Make pinned update post -Post at least 4 stories -Embrace/follow the inspiration -Finish first draft A Long Ways Home -Gencest Bang -Summergen Exchange -Code:Swap -Player Appreciation Week -Apply to more zines

So, finally work counts goals are...

Easy Goal Word Count Goal: 20k (at least 10k posted)

Stretch Goal (aka, if I don’t die from school agAIN): 60k (at least 30k posted)

Ultimate 2021 Word Count Goal: 38k

#sakarrie's fic #the owl house #supernatural #code lyoko #gen #huntlow #ao3 #fic list #2023 fics #end of year reflection #fic roundup

[scribeofpnakotis]

Izzy Hands & Dean Winchester- The Only Retirement We Get Is Death

Yeah that’s right, I’m finally doing it. First of all, I do want to make it clear that this is heavily reliant on @autisticandroids SPN meta, as I point blank refuse to subject myself to rewatching Supernatural for what is honestly MOSTLY an OFMD post.

Secondly, the customary disclosing of personal biases. I fucking hate Izzy Hands. He is an extremely effective rom-com villain and a fantastic example of character writing/top-notch acting, but as a character I despise him. As far as I’m concerned that ‘x’ tattoo is a target for my fist. I also Do Not Like canon Dean (fanon Dean is a different guy at this point & we will not be discussing him in this post). I was a Sam Girl back in the day, and although I am no longer a) a girl or b) attracted to men, my allegiance remains.

Now, to the meat of the issue.

I’ll start with the point that initially struck me with these two characters, which is specifically Izzy’s line in episode 4 “the only retirement we get is… death.” Now I can’t recall if it’s word-for-word (as I said, I’m not rewatching SPN for this) but this is absolutely a sentiment that Dean has expressed at least once with regards to being a hunter, and I’d go as far as to say it’s almost a thesis statement for the show overall. Like the writers do seem to enjoy repeatedly driving it home for the characters and audience that there is no escape from the lifestyle. Mary tries to leave & dies. Sam tries to leave, dead girlfriend. Dean tries to leave, SUCKS at it & Lisa&Ben lose their memories of him and are never mentioned again.

Now, this is handled very differently in OFMD. There are a few reasons for this (it’s a romcom, not a very gory genre soap to begin with) but I think the core of it is that the shows have almost diametrically opposed views of traditional masculinity. Supernatural is ultimately very fatalistic, and is also presenting its take on masculinity as represented by the hunter lifestyle as something aspirational. “This is who you are.” It says. “This is how things will go for you, you don’t have a choice in the matter.” OFMD is saying “That’s dumb actually. People should get to choose how they live, how they love & how they express themselves.” (it’s very queer philosophically & I love it). So when Izzy says ‘The only retirement we get is death’ he is presented pretty explicitly as being wrong. Ed can totally retire if he wants to. He should get to take his soft frilly BF to a secluded tropical island and live out the rest of their days in adorable romantic bliss. Izzy is being a dickhead by attempting to deny him that.

This brings us to my second point, which is that structurally, within the context of their shows, both Izzy and Dean are, at least partially, actively preventing another character from escaping a life in which they feel trapped. For both of them, this takes the form of a lot of policing that character’s expression of their masculinity. Like this sort of goes away to an extent in later seasons of SPN, but early show Sam was uh. Pretty fucking femme for 2005, let’s put it that way. A lot of the humour/interpersonal bitching in early seasons is based on Sam wanting to have nicer things, or eat healthier food (burger/salad dichotomy) or just generally act in a way that Dean very obviously is trying not to call him slurs about. It’s easy to miss because the shows are framed differently, but this is the exact dynamic Izzy has with Ed. Ed is not that femme tbh but the way Izzy reacts to him wanting to wear nicer clothes/go to flash parties/make out with a fancy man is very similar to like S1 Dean getting this close to calling Sam a f*g.

(join me in a moment of silence to mourn the loss of AU supernatural where Sam is explicitly queer in the show)

The thing is, again, Izzy is explicitly shown to be in the wrong for acting like this. He’s literally the romcom villain. Ed is right for wanting to escape the toxically masculine world of traditional piracy. Whereas in SPN, because the show frames the hunter lifestyle as aspirational (it’s the american dream! Road trips! Credit card fraud!) we’re… kind of set up to agree with Dean? Like it is portrayed as a tragedy when Sam’s girlfriend of the week gets fridged, but ultimately, the narrative supports Dean’s position that it’s ‘once a hunter, always a hunter’. There is literally no escape, and you should stop trying before you get more people hurt or killed. 

Also on the topic of characters reading pretty damn queer. Both of these sad fictional men are deeply, deeply repressed about their sexualities. Like they’re so far in the closet they’re having adventures together in Narnia. This is explicit and canonical with Izzy- he’s in love with Ed. A good portion of his hatred for Stede is actually jealousy (whether or not he can admit that to himself). He fully cried a bit when he thought they were fucking in episode 6. I don’t think this is news to anyone in the fandom.

Dean is… a little more complicated, let’s say. I don’t think it’s controversial to say he’s canonically straight, at least in terms of what the writers actually seemed to intend regarding his character. However um. Look. I don’t ship wincest. I never shipped wincest. Honestly the whole concept squicks me the hell out. But I think we have to accept that the ship was huge for a reason, and only part of that was people having incest fetishes. There’s also the matter of that siren turning into a ‘replacement little brother’ that one time, and of course I would be remiss to ignore the issue of Destiel. (eleven fucking seasons of queerbaiting holy shit how did we live like that?)

Izzy and Dean also both respond to their own queerness in very similar ways- namely by retreating into very strictly defined, pre-existing roles so that they don’t have to think about all the ways in which they don’t fit in. For Izzy, this takes the form of his slavish devotion to the concept of being a ‘real pirate’ (read: real man). ‘Real pirates’ in his book, take pleasure only in violence and conquest, they might fuck but they never love, and they certainly don’t talk about their feelings. This then spills over into his dynamic with Ed- the ‘devoted first mate/captain’ thing they have going on is as close as he can allow himself to get to an actual relationship, so when Ed starts flirting like a normal person with someone else, it turns his whole world on its head.

Similarly, Dean has devoted himself to doing the ‘red-blooded american man’ thing, almost to his own detriment. He’s convinced himself that he just isn’t meant for any kind of stability or long-term happiness and self-sabotages every time he feels like he might be getting close. By the time the show ended, he was, God, I think in his fifties? And still pretty much only had drunken one-night stands with disposable extras. Like, even ignoring his whole thing with Castiel, he’d entirely given up on the idea of a long-term relationship with a woman (the only kind he’d be ‘allowed’ under the white-picket-fence, nuclear family ideal he freaking lionizes), if he ever seriously entertained it at all.

So, I think the main reason this comparison stands up is that Supernatural and OFMD are both, textually, using a particular fictionalized lifestyle as a metaphor for a particular style of masculinity. In SPN, hunting is representative of a very, uh, stylized form of american manhood, one centred around the concepts of personal freedom and extreme self-reliance. Violence is also absolutely central to this style of masculinity.

In OFMD, piracy actually represents a lot of things. For Stede, it’s freedom from heteronormativity. For Ed, it’s a chain tying him to a version of himself he’s desperate to escape. For Izzy, saliently to my point here, piracy is representative of the particular form of masculinity by which he judges himself and others. It’s about the intersection of violence and freedom, and being strong enough to never really need another person. The tragedy of which is, of course, that you can then never really want another person.

I think, to bring this home, that Izzy would thrive in the violent, emotionally constipated world of Supernatural. I think, conversely that Dean would absolutely fucking hate it in queer pirate rom-com land.

If anyone writes a crossover fic I will read the hell out of it.

#OFMD #Supernatural #Our Flag Means Death #SPN #izzy hands #izzy critical #to an extent #dean winchester #dean critical #again to an extentt #meta #character analysis #I DID THE THING

[uncouth-the-fifth]

you're the only person i follow who mainly posts about kripke era spn so i just gotta ask, is it just me or does season 2 already feel vastly different from season 1? like obviously they went through a lot of crap in the span of a year but i just restarted the series and something about the way Sam talks to Lenore (the vampire lady in bloodlust) is so different from how he used to be in season 1. (i also hated that that was the beginning of his style change but whatevs no more silly tees and hoodies for Sammy cause he's a big serious hunter now i get it). and Dean, i can't really put my finger on it but he's also changed so much from the guy who whacked his brother on the arm and called him a control freak after literally not seeing him for two years. like i get that trauma changes you but going straight into s2 from s1 it just feels slightly off, even the vibes of the episodes. i talk a lot about how the first five seasons are superior to the rest of the show but i think i'll just forever be a s1 supremacist. honestly idk if this is something other people are aware of too or if i'm just crazy. maybe it's because supernatural first starts becoming very comical in season 2, like introducing casa erotica, that stupid p*rn website dean is obsessed with, and probably more, all this making the series less realistic (i mean it's a show about monsters but still) than it was in s1. in my opinion, spn was a lot better before it was trying to be all self-aware. genuinely would like to know what you think about this tho cause i know you're amazing with your words :)

WOO BOY, have i been stewing on this ask for a bit. i didn't want to rush to answer because i wanted my response to be thorough, but i have SO many feelings about this. i never make spn meta posts (if this could even be considered that) cause I'm not the greatest at articulating my thoughts on the show, so bear with me. i could also be throwing stuff at u that u already know, and in that case ignore me lol

there is a pretty big gap between the first and second seasons, but it's not something i immediately thought about reading this ask because, technically, they're the closest plotwise. the hunt for yellow-eyes begins in season 1 and ends at the devil's gate with season 2. we have the overarching apocalypse arc that has its feet in the first five seasons, sure, but s1 and s2 specifically share the same villain and the same cross-season motivator: kill the thing that killed mom.

but i thought on it a little more and i agree with you!! there's a clear tonal shift from devil's trap to in my time of dying, and i think that's born mainly from factors outside the show's plot. supernatural moved from being a potential one-and-done to a whole multi-season show, and the showrunners had audience reactions to reference when writing too! the monster-of-the-week cycle was interesting, but people watched the show to see, y'know. sam and dean drinking beers and crying on the hood of the impala. the plot was the most fascinating part, so naturally, the show became more involved. while season 1 was clearly a monster-of-the-week type beat, season 2 keeps that rhythm while weaving plot-heavier episodes throughout. i also think that killing off john is as clean and concise a shift as the writers could manage: if the entire first season hinged upon finding dad, and dad dies s2e1, well. any step away from the waters the show was born in, that endless hunt for john, is going to feel foreign. and john's death is a huge hit to both boys, so automatically their characterization shifts for that season too. sam loses the boyish haircut and dean irons out into an even grizzlier hunter. i don't trust kripke or anyone at the CW to make writing choices this purposefully, but you COULD say that the effect you're talking about is supposed to reflect the boy's lives when john dies. off-kilter and standing up on shaky legs. but i refuse to give them credit for that <3

if i'm telling the truth i really like when the show gets more involved. but i think why others might feel the opposite is because, after 14 seasons layered thick with plot that only gets messier and messier as times goes on, the disconnected adventure from season one feels more special!! they don't have heaven to worry about yet!! or an apocalypse!! things were simple, and the show was just about two brothers on the road trying to rebuild their family. it's uncomplicated. s1 is also the landing strip we hit every time we return to the show as a whole, so it's more familiar, and therefore more intimate than any other season!! (for those who watch in order at least lol).

#i was so relieved that this prompt came up bc I've had NO ONE to talk about spn this week #okay i'm exaggerating #but #THIS WAS SO NICE #I LOVE TALKING ABOUT STUFF I LIKE #uncouthspn #supernatural #spn #dean winchester #sam winchester #uncouth babbles #anon ask #sorry for the delay on this one baddie

[bustyasianbeautiespod]

The Them taking out the Horsemen narratively and thematically important for GO’s view on humanity and love and community… but I do always find it a little underwhelming tbh. This is also true for me in the book, but the book makes the visual parallels between each of the Them and their respective Horseman clearer so it made more sense. In the book we also have the Them gathering play versions of the Horsemen’s summoning items.

And no for sure “cheek” was about the “gentlemen” comment. You bring in Brian Cox for the absolute gravitas and you make him do that, smh.

Speaking of the ladies, to your point about Pepper being a feminist but her hold on what that means is unclear… do they kind of write Anathema like that as well? Is it ok because basically everyone except Adam is an idiot, so the women should be silly as well? Like even our main ethereal girlies are wildly incompetent and that’s what spurs the whole story (but hot, important to remember they’re both insanely hot and in love, and so they are forgiven because I have principles).

What I’m saying here is thank you for making a 3+ hour ep that I am 1/3 of the way through lol

HI!! agreed on the underwhelmingness in both show and book. it's more disappointing for it to be eh in the book bc you'd think that gaiman - who has written a lot of quite good children's books - would be able to capture the whole power of belief/fairytale logic idea behind that scene while imbuing it w actual intrigue, but ig that's just not rlly the tone the book was going for? and i like that they braided a crown out of grass and got a stick sword and everything! and that wensley swung the play scales around like a weapon it's a fun visual!

THANKS FOR THE CONFIRMATION. he literally made death sexist. he made DEATH sexist. that wasn't even in the book he just wanted to make death sexist. DEATH!!!!!!!!!! spn-ass writing (i don't even know if death is sexist in spn but uriel feels sexist sometimes and it's like. that is an entire angel who hates humanity and the earth so so much that he actually wouldn't develop an understanding of gender or the patriarchy imo)

yeah, i do think anathema is written similarly to pepper regarding her beliefs- she feels them very strongly but some are misguided or based on misinfo. it does make sense that everyone's incompetent bc i think gomens is about how it's not the best of humanity who save the world, it's some cringefail weirdos with a passion for something and who are trying, which is quite nice! but it does feel different when wensley's quirk is saying "actually" a lot and pepper's is... being a feminist? like everything is political but anathema and pepper's things are more directly political. and it is perfectly fine to make fun of feminists/lefties who don't rlly know their shit through specific instances of character writing if the show at large still values feminism and leftism, but given how the women are written (also HE MADE DEATH SEXIST????) and the things grey and i mentioned about the use of north africa in ep 2, gomens also falls short there. it's all a mixed bag though - obv pepper's "i do not endorse everyday sexism" is part of her Hero Moment, so we are supposed to admire her for her beliefs there, but we're clearly supposed to laugh at "another deluded victim of the patriarchy" and the did-you-just-assume-my-gender-esque exchange during the bike convo in ep 1. and obv you don't have to Make An Unambiguous Statement through clapping and cheering every time one specific char says things, but when you make one character The Feminism Character, it does feel like you're making a statement even in places you aren't. but again, this rlly would all be fine and forgotten if the women were written better

damn that got long but i loveee that you called aziraphale and crowley "our main ethereal girlies." they rlly rlly are. and thank YOU for this ask!!! it was a joy to answer <3

- Crystal :)

#asks

[unabashedlyinlove]

//I mean, English is my second language, so I might have read too much into it, but I can't not see how Jensen wouldn't have taken this as some sort of mockery? Do you think I am off base here, anon?//

I don’t think you are off base at all. I literally don’t see a way to interpret "I produce fix-it fics" as anything but insulting. If I were Jensen I would think that, at best, they see my show as an unauthorized edition to SPN that I produced because I wasn’t satisfied with the original. It takes any authority he might try to have away concerning the show. (A show I don’t lik,e but that’s besides the point). At worst, If I were Jensen, I would think that she was calling my show crap and mocking me for it. (I don’t personally think of fan diction as crap at all, but I also don’t see it as remotely "official.")

Even if her motives were innocent (if possible for a heller), they are tone deaf and crossing the line between fandom BS and the actor, so not appropriate.

I have interacted with Jensen on an "off day" once, so I know he can come off chilly if he isn’t "on." So, I’m happy to think that she probably got an arctic blast of coolness from him. Otherwise she’d be describing the encounter in ridiculously over the top detail.

Sorry it took me so long to come back to answer, Anon. Yep, consensus was that it was very insulting of Alyssa to do that.

I know that all sides of fandom joked about TW being Jensen's fanfic (with positive and derogatory meanings depending who youre asking), but I don't think they realize that Jensen wouldn't get that specific side inside joke from her side fandom and its not his job to try and make sense. People that words by their face value and in that case it he got as a mockery to his work.

I am sorry you got him on a "off" day and yeah, by his body language we can see he is so very displeased with the comparison. Guess karma got her back?

SPN cons has been going for so long that part of fandom deluded themselves into thinking their parasocial relationship with actors is actually a real one cause they have access to the actors through SM/cons and that made fans cross boundaries of appropriate behavior with strangers.

Anon, have you seen a JDM OP in which a fan was wearing a "I hate John W club" or something like that? Or a fan pretending to spank Drake's butt? What's the point of having that? Makes no sense how they treat them inhumanly.

These guys (and women) are not props. Yes, they are providing a service to fans and being paid for it, but many have forgotten that they're human being with feelings and limits. I thought this con went exactly how it was supposed to go. Hellers/AAs (most of them) being their unbalanced selves and I hope actors complain to CE in order to make rules stricter to protect themselves.