#and like. maybe that is just a cis man that i am calling my girlfriend

[saminator]

the joys of being a masculine trans man

Today, sometime around 9:30 pm, I had an epiphany. Maybe I finally found the joy of being trans. I'd always heard people say it, but I thought it was bullshit. Until today, being trans had caused me nothing but misery and fury. If you asked me anytime before today, April 3rd, 2024, at 9:30 pm pst, whether or not I liked being trans, it would have been a hard no.

I have prom coming up. I'm going to the prom at the school I would have gone to if I'd stayed in my middle school's town. I know a lot of people there, and three of the people at that school are the only hope I used to have when I was 14 and 15, still figuring myself and the world out. Don't get me wrong, I still am, but I was so unhappy back then, and they offered me unlimited comfort. Anyway! I'm going to prom with them and I was kind of excited about it. I'd been having a hard time getting myself to be excited about anything lately. I told my parents I needed a suit for prom and they asked if I could wear something I already had. I said no. All I have are two blazers from the women's section that I got in 2021, one red and one gray, which are incredibly comfortable and nice but they were from a time when I wasn't allowed to shop in the men's or boy's section, and another 3-piece suit which is a bit too large for me that my ex-girlfriend (who's trans) gave to me because I would enjoy it far more than she ever did. I'd also borrowed a blazer from a friend, and again, while it was wonderful, it was also from the women's section. I wanted something new, something that I picked, something that fit me and made me feel okay. So, we started looking for one.

My dad and I went to the mall two days ago to try and look for a suit, but they were either really expensive, or just not my size. Then, my mom told me to look for it online and have my dad pick it up on the way back home from work. I did that. I ordered a gray blazer and dark blue dress pants from the boy's section. My dad got them home. I tried them on. I loved it more than I had ever loved any piece of clothing before. My dad was so encouraging about making sure I looked good and he kept suggesting different variations I could try of the outfit. After a whole hour of trying on different shirts under the blazer and showing my mom and having her feedback on it, I went to go change. Then my dad called me, saying "don't change! wear your blazer!" and asked me to move the trash bins into our backyard because it's extremely windy and they were being knocked over (also because HOA hates when trash bins are left out apparently). So I went to do that.

And I was walking down the driveway with the wind blowing in my hair, I thought Wait. Is this what they mean by the "joy of being trans?" Earlier, I couldn't stop staring at myself in the mirror because I looked so fucking handsome it was UNBELIEVABLE. My smile didn't feel ugly, my hair didn't feel shabby, my entire body didn't feel like a mistake. And now, in the wind, dragging the landfill bin behind me, I felt happy with being trans.

I don't care if others don't see me as a man. The mirror sees me as a man. That's all that matters. The sheer happiness I felt wearing a suit that wasn't someone else's or from the women's section or too big or not mine was crazy, Suddenly, my short height, my high-pitched voice that no matter how deep I try to make it still gets me misgendered, and my un-muscular body didn't matter. I WAS IN A FUCKING SUIT THAT I LIKED THAT FIT ME THAT WAS FROM THE BOYS SECTION THAT MY PARENTS ALSO LIKED THAT KEPT ME WARM IN THE WIND. I was smiling like a maniac on the way to the backyard.

I'm sure this experience doesn't just happen to masculine trans men. Maybe you're a cis man reading this and you're short, have a high-pitched voice, and aren't jacked up. I see you, and I know how isolating it can feel to be the way you are, no matter how hard you try. I've tried working out to get muscles. I can't gain weight easily. I'm literally 5'1'' and 90 pounds. I hate it. But who cares! I have a suit that's sexier than sex!

I love being masculine. That's something you won't hear people say often because masculinity is demonized because it was always weaponized in the past (and still is). But I'm not all of those men. I'm my own man and I choose to love and embrace masculinity. What is masculinity anyway???? Is it suits? Is it being built? Is it having a deep voice? Is it having a beard? Is it being tall? Is it doing taxing manual labor? No! It's none of those things objectively, not even the suits. I've said this before and I'll continue saying it, if wearing dresses or skirts or doing makeup makes you feel masculine or is your definition of masculinity, hell yeah! Go for it! To me, masculinity is home. It's looking at myself and smiling because I look good. It's wearing a suit and feeling warm and cozy and ready to do anything. It's having a better relationship with my parents because we're all trying our best. It's being daring and taking risks just because I want to. Femininity couldn't give me any of this.

Especially in a time like now, where no trans space is safe from discussions of the happenings of the world, the world where people want to erase us because they think we're a threat. The fact that people are afraid of us is astonishing. But we persevere, we wear our suits or dresses or overalls or corsets or fishnets or khakis or hoodies and we pursue happiness because it's comforting to think that it exists for us. And it does. If someone like me could find euphoria in being trans, anyone can.

But yeah, in conclusion, the joy of being a masculine trans man is trying on your prom suit with the wind blowing 18 miles per hour in your hair and feeling alive and manly masculine male >:)

#.txt #trans #transgender #transmasc #trans men #trans joy

[autogynocrat]

What kind of thoughts did u have when u first started questioning gender? I am wondering if I’m a chaser because I’m a repressor.

well it was kinda a very gradual thing where i had this dysphoria that only got worse every year, tho i didn't realize it was dysphoria until i talked to trans friends about it at around 26. this is very long so brace yourself and it doesn't cover my earliest trans thoughts from childhood, just my dysphoria era

i always had these depressive episodes about my facial hair growing in where i was so depressed i couldn't get out of bed, and I'd end up with a bloody face from how hard i would try to shave bc no matter how close the shave it never felt like enough, i could still feel it. and the male body odor. the haunting smell of my own body. thee size of my shoulders and jaw in the mirror. it was this general malaise about myself

but! it was also this promise. to myself. that if anything ever happened to my testicles that would require their removal i would just pull the trigger on getting hrt. i always figured "im not trans but if i had no balls I'd need to take some hormones to stay healthy, and I'd rather have estrogen. i won't have to worry about my infertility if i have no balls so i won't have any reason not to transition". people had told me to consider going on hormones before but at first i said i didn't want to because i wanted kids one day. later on other people kept telling me i was an egg and i am an obstinate person so i repressed harder to spite the people calling me an egg. my biggest mistake imo.

fast forward to my worst episode. so every year people would tell me that i can't be a femboy forever that eventually its not gonna be cute anymore, I'll look like the 50 year old sissy fetishists who gross everyone out.

every year i had a right winger redpill "friend" who told me i was a year closer to hitting the wall and i needed to give up the femboy shit and take testosterone and become a gymrat, that I'll get a girlfriend if i did that, that I'll be happy.

i did not want to become like that. but i also felt like it was true that "twinkdeath" was approaching. what could i do? my body was masculinized more every year. i tried for maybe 6 months to convince myself "well maybe i can age gracefully become a handsome man" but i would break down when i imagined living the rest of my life as a man.

i just couldn't do it. the thought drove me into the worst episode of my life. and around the same time i saw links on twitter for how to buy estrogen from overseas pharmacies. so i talk to my trans friend about my gender problem. she went through something similar and was happier after trans. so i bite the bullet. i would rather grow old as a trans woman than a cis man. i dont think i cold handle being a cis man long enough to grow old.

[odettecarotte]

Re: the Kristen Stewart Rolling Stone shoot

It's giving JD Samson. I guess even the gays can have a lil Y2K revival.

(I haven't even read the article. I am purely responding to the images before I go to work LOL.)

The #tag comments begging/joking about Kristen going on T, in her response to her own longing for "a little mustache, a happy trail" are very understandable. You all want to push her gender fuckery from fantasy into reality, from metaphor into the concrete, into what Saketopouou calls "the more and more" of gender OVERWHELM and of course that is HOT!!!

But even before Bella starts microdosing testosterone (or maybe she's already started, more power to her!), let us just pause, and fully appreciate this image in this moment. What if we take KStew at her word? What if this photshoot truly is "the gayest thing ever," in the grand tradition of Deep Lez aesthetics and a certain flavor of lesbian gender (which could never be TERFy because it is so clearly distinct from cis women's genders, is a creative response to different kinds of pain points, both fucking with and getting fucked over).

It reminds me of this passage, quoted in Sexuality Beyond Consent:

"I was female-assigned at birth," writes the queer theorist Kathryn Bond Stockton. "Though [my own sense was that] I was a boy… mistaken for a girl. And though I was, to my mind, the ultimate straight man seeking normally feminine women, I turned out a "lesbian," against my will-though in accord with my desires. As for my girlfriend she grew up, to her mind, normally feminine, as a rural Mormon raised in rural Utah. In her twenties, after her male fiancé died, after she didn't go on a mission, after she walked across the US for nuclear disarmament, she met lesbians and wished she could be one, so cool did they seem to her. But, she figured, she wasn't a lesbian. Long story short: I didn't want the sign ["lesbian"] but was pierced by it; she quite wanted it but didn't think she'd gain it. We have [both] been dildoed by th[at] sign. We've been pleasured by it, as it's come inside us-I've had to try to take it like a man. (2015)

Close up on Kristen Stewart on the cover of Rolling Stone magazine. She's rubbing her clit underneath a jock strap. Read Sarah Tomasin Fonseca's essay in "It Came From the Closet" for a little foray into the erotics of jacking off into stolen male underwear. A truly young and otherwise disempowered dyke might steal underwear from a male relative, now we can buy what we like at the store, but the relationality is always there. Although the jock might get the most attention, Kristen is also wearing a pointelle thong in pure white cotton from Cou Cou Intimates, a brand which profits from Millennials sexualizing our girlhoods. They advertise to me on Instagram and I get skin shivers at the ability to choose, buy back and own the thong versions of underpants we wore even before men in AIM chatrooms asked us our bra sizes (when we were 11). And Kristen is wearing this delicate piece of panty in the men's locker room.

Part of the power of dyke sociality and sexuality is exclusivity. A "woman's" right to refusal can mean prioritizing other dykes, and asserting the irrelevance of straight men. And yet, in the realm of the sexual unconscious, we all know about each other. We all must deal with each other. In the words of Avgi Saketopoulou, we are all acting ON each other.

Much as the fetish clothing in the gay male leather scene comes from the uniforms of the armed forces, police, and working class, before it is transformed and inducted into delightful and perverted hiérarchies, Kristen plays with sartorial signals which might have their base in other genders, but which she uses to construct a gorgeous dyke existence.

The juxtaposition with men, not just with masculine trappings or locations, which are more easily taken over, was unsettling for me! I was scared for her! The image of her on the floor, mouth open: She's On Our Backs! But she's not, she's on the cover of Rolling Stone, the largest subscriber base is probably white Gen X men. Kristen on the floor lies in both the power and powerlessness in non-normative dyke sexuality. She's wearing an outfit that might make more sense in a leathermen bar -- decadent black leather vest, exposing jock strap -- in front of an objectified Black man. Who is he, and who is he to her? (Who is he to the dudes who subscribe to Rolling Stone?) He is jacked, with sweat (or more likely oil) artfully dripping down his washboard abs to the visible bulge in his gym shorts. A leather bar is a place to find danger, but this man is not at the leather bar. Together, they are in the men's locker room, a dangerous place for a queer or a woman. However, they seem disinterested in each other and Kristen is not afraid. She's skinny and milky (a weakling in many genders) and sitting like a neurodivergent queer, doing "hysterical clowning" with her knees up and posture hunched in front of a mirror in the men's locker room, next to a faceless white man with perfect posture and impossibly large biceps, and she also doesn't look afraid.

Her bangs have been cut with blunt scissors, messed up and sweaty. Nothing says queer like deliberately fucked up at home haircut. Finger in mouth, which reads submissive in straighter settings, but in queer orality, its giving top (if not dom) energy.

OK gotta go to work now, just wanted to blast off some associations before work!!!

#kristen stewart #rolling stone #dyke #jock strap #little girl underwear #avgi saketopoulou #kathryn bond stockton

[genderqueerdykes]

Amab transfem who's deeply passionate about feminism here!

I recently joined a local feminist group and have faced a lot of transmisogyny there. They regularly refer to refer to me as an amab and a few have "accidentally" called me a man with no pushback from the rest of them.

They regularly ask me why I'm so passionate about feminism, and seem to find every genuine reason I provide unsatisfactory. Many of them joke about me "just being there to pick up girls", and have made several incredibly upsetting jokes about transgender lesbians. I have not told them about my girlfriend because of this.

There's a trans man in our club and they don't treat him like that at all. They seem to view him as a part of the club and he's even participated in some of the "jokes" at my expense.

This is really upsetting to me because I'm incredibly passionate about dismantling patriarchy and women's liberation but I don't know how to handle it.

I feel like a stupid, ugly man trying to force women to behave in a manner acceptable to me whenever I complain but I also feel like they're trying to antagonize and deliberately hurt me. Could you please help me?

that sounds like an absolutely awful experience, i am so sorry you're going through this, anon. i'm sending good vibes your way

it sounds like that group in specific is a very toxic environment... i'm really glad to hear you're passionate about feminism and want to work with local feminist groups and be involved in activism! i think that's very kickass. to me it sounds like the particular group you're working with has kind of a "clique" mentality and is very us vs. them. it's also not very helpful if a feminism group is hostile toward any gender at all period, let alone the fact that they're willfully misinterpreting you as a man.

i don't blame you for not wanting to tell them about your girlfriend... honestly it sounds like these people have a LOT of learning to do, because if a group that's promoting feminist ideals can't wrap their brains around the fact that not all women/fem people come in afab bodies, they are failing at feminism. they are failing at feminism every single time they misgender you, and accuse you of "just being there to pick up girls". honestly, that's the part that made me the saddest, and the sickest

i'm sorry they're making you feel like a man, you are not one, no matter how much they wanna make you feel that way. it doesn't matter how they interpret you, they're failing at their very jobs, they are failing at embracing and promoting feminism if they cannot see you as a feminine person. it doesn't matter what the status of your transition is, if they truly put forward the ideals they say they do, they need to accept you as you are. they need to be open to queer people of all stripes if they are going to promote feminism. feminism isn't just here for cis women.

i would maybe *try* to educate them on trans topics if possible, maybe see if you can talk to that trans man in the club who isn't gendered correctly either and see if they will help you let them know that the way they treat trans people is literally directly in opposition to feminist ideals. that's a scary thing to do alone so i don't blame you if you don't have the confidence to do it on your own. i'd feel so targeted and isolated... especially doubly because they're misgendering and mistreating that trans man as well.

if you're not able to do that though, i don't blame you, and i especially wouldn't blame you for wanting to look for another group, or even start your own, tbh. it's not right for you to have to be misgendered constantly, belittled, treated like you're predatory, and have to watch a trans man also be misgendered and mistreated constantly. that's horrible for your mental health and i'm sorry that that's going on. i hope any of this helped at all, and i'm glad to hear about your passion. i hope you're able to either help them realize how toxic they are, or find a better place to work with other feminists who align more closely with the real goals of the movement. take care, stay safe, feel free to come back at any point. you are valued here

#asks #answers #transphobia #transmisogyny #transfem

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

I'm not sure how to tag this, the best I can do is possibly medical abuse and transphobia? But I feel those are pretty strong words, idk, this is mostly a vent

I'm nonbinary, and I've wanted to transition since I first came out at 13 (I'm 21 now). Last year, I got in contact with the local gender clinic, and I was hopeful. I've been on five meetings over the course of that year - maybe a little more - and it was fine, but terribly stressful, making me shut down after every appointment, and the whole time, I was worried it would be for nothing and that they wouldn't prescribe me the hormones I was there for. The last meeting was... horrible. The man I talked to was cold, accusatory, questioned my experience when I shared it, and called in my mother to double check my answers, like he didn't believe me - most pathetic of all, he, a man who works at a gender clinic, MISGENDERED me, and when I told him my actual pronouns, he switched to just using my name (I swear, if there is a way to get him fired, I will, because he should NOT be working at that job).

And that just sort of felt like the final nail in the coffin. It's not gonna happen, I'm not gonna get the diagnosis I need. So I've decided to go stealth/back into the closet/repress all of this. Being trans is exhausting, it's going to make it harder for me to adopt, it's going to draw the attention of transphobes and I don't know if people will still find me attractive. I told my mom (cis) who absolutely doesn't think I should repress who I am, my best friend (nonbinary) who says he doesn't get it, and my girlfriend (trans) who thinks the idea of going back into the closet sounds terrifying, but at this rate, this choice feels like the lesser of two evils and I don't think they get that. I loved my nonbinary identity so much because it felt like something I had chosen for myself, rather than something I had been forced into, and now I'm being forced back into the role of my AGAB all over again and I just hate everything about this situation.

Just needed to get that off my chest - thank you so much for everything you do ❤️

Hi anon,

I'm so sorry that you've been having horrible experiences trying to get gender affirming care.

I'm appalled that someone so rude and transphobic is working at a gender clinic of all places. You'd think that people working at a gender clinic are far more considerate than that. I hope that you can figure out a way to report him because his behavior was unacceptable and you did not deserve to be treated that way.

I can definitely understand how this experience has made you feel hopeless about seeking gender affirming care, and it's okay to take an indefinite break from it as it can be exhausting emotionally. But please remember that you deserve the care you need, and it may be worthwhile to try again whenever you feel ready. This experience was definitely distressing and draining, but just know that it doesn't deserve the power to make you feel like you can't be authentic in your gender identity.

I hope you've been doing alright, and please know that we're here if you need anything.

-Bun

#trauma talks #mod bun #tw transphobia #tw abuse #tw emotional abuse #tw medical abuse

[shyocean]

Thought for the greater trans community.

People with uteruses are having a particularly rough summer.

Our access to life-saving emergency medical care. Our access to maintenance medicine. Our basic bodily autonomy. Right now, a trans man in Texas who is raped might be forced to give birth while having no access to legal protection afforded to women giving birth. It's frightening. We're angry. There a lot of trauma and emotion, right now.

Even if some of you don't care. Realpolitik. This is a big enough issue, that it has the chance to flip a lot of centrist red voters blue. If we, as a community, really got behind this, maybe we could push the government more towards the center, instead of listing more into christo fascism. Now, I am not a centrist, but unless you plan to overthrow the government in the next three months, blue is better. Practically, unity and coalition building would be a good thing.

So, thinking about the relatively unprecedented level of intracommunity discourse, abetted by Kiwi farms etc, it feels hard to believe it's chance. That alienating people with uteruses from the trans movement isn't getting pushed into place by someone else.

Because, for god's sake, is the community really telling people with uteruses to sit down and shut up and listen to people without uteruses, because we have the privilege of having a uterus right now, so we don't deserve a voice in the community about what we are called or even to discuss whether we belong here?

Is the community really telling trans-aligned people with uteruses that we aren't really trans, and that we are the cause of the christofascist authoritarianism that's oppressing us both ways?

Are we really publicly having all this anti-afab, anti-female discourse on main?

Is the community setting it up like a choice, either we can care about protecting Black transfemmes, or we can care about the voices and dignity and priorities of people with uteruses? Like we literally can't do both?

Surely we aren't doing this to ourselves, right?

Because it's incredibly alienating to me, a trans person dating a Black transfemme. It's led me to not want to have anything to do with anything trans 'community' besides loving my girlfriend and friends and living my life.

Can you imagine the impact on a scared, angry, less attached person who can't get their lupus meds, or a woman who almost died because her doctor wouldn't remove her dead wanted pregnancy, or the teenager who's been raped or any of the thousands of ongoing horror stories that are freshly occurring?

This is not respectability politics; you will never be enough for the people who hate you. This is about people who are actively trying to be on your side getting kicked in the teeth for it.

You don't even have to like or care about cis women or afab trans people. You can be fully a misogynist, and still, and if you are queer, understand that working together politically would help personally, because everyone 's liberation is intersectionally tied together.

And every actual amab trans person I have actually talked to is someone I like. It's just the badness echoing across social media. We act like it's coming from inside the house, but I don't think so. I don't.

I think we're better than this, on the whole, en masse, without anyone profiting off our in-fighting and fear. I am hoping so.

And that means we also don't go after binary trans people who have made a mistake or gotten notoriety, or support. I don't think Hunter deserves whatever she's getting for hitting a stupid like button. No one actually deserves the harassment. I don't think we need to be disappointed that Keffals was able to turn a threat to her life to her advantage because she's pretty and has a huge fan base. Can we just. Stop. Hurting. The person within reach?

I think it is being pushed on us and we have to resist, y'all.

Transphobia is not a tiger; it's a persistence predator.

#rape tw #transphobia cw #abortion cw #trans #trans rights #discourse tw #transandrophobia #non binary #enby

[bunnygrl-femme]

your whole world view is dictated upon what you could call "cis-normative". You try to mimick women and our body, our movements… You can't do anything without thinking about us. When you do something or something happens to you, you think: "Is this something that a cis woman would expirience?" You are just a copy. Your place in this society is dictated upon how you treat us, real women. If you go raging at us everyone will read you as a male, what you are; unlike if a woman raged at another woman, she still is one and nothing can change that. Everyone will read you as a man even if you do nothing; they could even play along to make fun of you. You are absolutely disgusting. You've exhausted the compassion of strangers. Good luck in incoming years.

Wow, I really pissed off TERFs and their transmed bootlickers, huh?

Cisnormatitivity probably does play a role in my worldview, you're right. But it's not by choice. Based solely on where I was born, I was raised in a cisnormative culture. And it takes years of hard work to unlearn all of it. And I'm by no means done with that work.

But don't you dare try to tell me I'm just trying to "mimick" women. I am a woman. I bleed, same as other women. I love, same as other women. I laugh, same as other women. I'm a woman.

What is a woman, to you? A uterus? Carrying and birthing a child? Menstruation? Breastfeeding? The catastrophic ordeal of girlhood?

Do you hear yourselves? To people like you, womanhood is a tragedy, and outrage, a trauma. Womanhood is pain and suffering and living your lives for others. If I used that definition, I wouldn't want to be a woman, either. But I still would be.

Queer womanhood, trans womanhood, is freeing. I get to take the parts of womanhood I love, that make me feel joyous and powerful and free, and use them every day. I get to leave behind the parts of womanhood that are restrictive, oppressive. I get to live my life as a woman, whole and complete, without worrying about what people think of me. You think I care if you and your transphobe friends think of me as "male?" Do you think you would even know I was trans, if I didn't tell you? Do you think I care if you don't think of me as a "sister," a "girlfriend?" Why would I want to be your sister? Why would I want to be your girlfriend?

You'll he surprised to hear, but I don't think about cis women that often. Sure, I think about cus women in ways, like, "how are my cis woman friends doing?" "Oh, my cis woman friend is going out tonight, maybe I'll join her." I don't think about cis women when I eat, or piss, or shit, or make love to my partner. I do most things, maybe all things, in my day to day without thinking about "how would a cis woman do/experience/handle this?" Y'all are the ones obsessed with us; transphobes have trans people on the brain 24/7, and it's embarrassing. You think any of us care about you? You think we lie awake at night, praying that one day you'll learn to respect us? Fuck off. I lie awake at night, thinking about what I'm going to have for breakfast tomorrow, what kind of sheets I'd like to buy, where we might go out this weekend. I don't think about people like you for one second in my day. You don't cross my mind.

As for my "disgusting" existence and the compassion of strangers; this is where the hate at the root of your ideology rears its head. You couldn't help yourself but to attack my appearance in your screed, because you don't actually care about me or people like me "invading women's spaces" or "pretending to be women;" you think trans people are icky, and want all of us dead, plain and simple.

I'd be glad to never receive another ask like this, so kindly block me and fuck off.

#asks answered #anon #TERF shit #terfs and transmeds fuck off

[jj-online]

this is big hush hush irl, but i really need to vent about it

i’m 26 afab. grew up catholic. lost my religion.

i’ve identified as bisexual since i learned what that word meant.

a girl at my catholic middle school had a rumor spread about her that she was a lesbian and my first thought was “they got the wrong one” )then i went “lol jk” to myself).

so late that night, i snuck down to the computer and made an internet search.

as i cleared my browser history, my world was changed.

i knew something my parents wouldn’t tell me. i got to read what people my parents would never let me talk to had to say.

i was adam and eve, daring to discover illicit ideas for the first time.

i never wanted to rock the boat though. i'd grown up doing the "my way or actual literal hell" way, so i was a good girl (tm)

the first boy i kissed was the one my mom liked the most

the first boy to see me naked made me feel special

by then, i'd been selecting who to crush on and deciding to have feelings that i thought that was normal.

i do like attention. i like being implicitly told i have value in the fucked up system we live in because i'm attractive. that feels good.

not much ever felt not-good enough or in the right way for me to question my attractions.

i've always know that i love women. girls were always my favorite characters. i wanted to be near them and know them. the feelings simply existed.

i fell really hard for a girl in high school that was still hung up on her ex. i didn't have to decide. i didn't have to think about it. i didn't care how it would "look." i didn't care if she liked me back.

after that, i kept calling myself bisexual "because the way i feel about people of different genders is different."

i know for sure that is true. i feel differently about people related to their gender identity.

when i started dating in college, i was working at the mall.

i had a massive crush on one of my coworkers. i didn't pick one of them out or decide which would be the most appropriate, i just had feelings.

at the time, my coworker identified as a cis lesbian. by the time he broke my heart, he'd tried on a nonbinary identity and realized he was, in fact, a man.

i tried to deny it, but my feelings changed with each identity.

maybe it was just time, or i was changing too. he still treated me the same.

maybe i was just being a bad girlfriend or a bad ally.

i said and did some shitty things, but never because i didn't believe he is a man. i didn't know how to say what i actually meant.

i still can't name those feelings.

what if 7th grade me was right? what if i am just a lesbian? maybe just being homoromantic bisexual is most accurate?

i'm engaged to a cis man that i care about. it's complicated.

am i repeating my self-destructive habits? do i self-destruct my life to save myself?

i have so many questions that only i can truly answer.

a good girl would shut up and do it. but i already postponed the wedding once. i was never going to be the good girl forever.

#lgbtq #lesbian #bisexual #sapphic #questioning #religion #religious trauma #christianity #catholiscism #late bloomer #late bloomer lesbian #mine #text post #sexuality

[the-four-humors]

A few weeks ago my boyfriend read me this listicle that was like "Find out what was the Gay Anthem the year you came out" and it just made me realize how little I identify with the whole "coming out of the closet" narrative, because, like...

Do you mean the year I realized I definitely wasn't straight? Like 2003, but then I called myself bi, which I later learned I definitely am not.

Or do you mean the year I realized I wasn't cis? Because that was maybe 2007. But the only word I had was "genderqueer", because I didn't know that trans men even existed.

Or perhaps the year I came out to my family as a trans man? 2013 - and the decision between GQ and trans male was made seconds before the words came out of my mouth. But besides them and my internet friends, I told no one else.

Or do you mean the year I realized I was only attracted to men? That would be 2016, but the only person I made a point to tell was my girlfriend, as I was dumping her.

Maybe you mean the year I changed my name? Also 2016. But I didn't change my gender marker.

What about getting on T? That would be early 2018, but I wouldn't tell my family to actually start using my name and pronouns until I was on it for 6 months, nor tell people at work (just my department and bosses) until 7 months.

Or does changing my gender marker on my state ID count? Because that was 2019.

Like... there was no one, singular, coming out for me. It was step by step, an identity formed piecemeal and only telling people when I was relevant. Hell, I never told my parents I was gay. I just started dating a more masc presenting person and let them figure it out.

Idk, this has just been on my mind for a bit.

[thekimspoblog]

It doesn't automatically make you a transphobe. But you SHOULD have to specify that you want a girlfriend with a vagina. Because it should not be assumed that's the default. We all have preferences. But just because some preferences are seen as the default, doesn't automatically mean that's how we all feel.

Meanwhile OP is pushing back against me, cus saying someone is "mansplaining" is misgendering them. Just to clarify my position... you don't have to be a man to mansplain. Just like you don't have to be white to whitesplain. "Splaining" is half about identity politics, but mostly it's just a type of shitty tone you can take with a person. It's a power dynamic, where the burden of calmly explaining systems of oppression falls onto the member of the marginalized group. And the person who has (up until recently) experienced a type of privilege is being not just ignorant but arrogant in how dismissive they are of that oppressive system.

If I was in an office or other professional setting, I probably wouldn't accuse a trans woman of mansplaining, even if that's what I felt like she was doing. Because an office is the appropriate setting for political correctness.

But in situations where newly transitioned lesbians and veteran cis lesbians are trying to date eachother, at a certain point the political is going to bleed into the interpersonal. And both groups need to try harder to listen to eachother, but beauty, honey, sweetness, pancake, babydoll... if there's a word for the shitty tone you're taking with me, I'm not going to call it something else if "mansplaining" is the correct term. Because walking on eggshells is not the foundation for a strong relationship. If you can have the conversation:

Cis lesbian: "I feel like you're mansplaining to me a little right now and here's why..."

Trans lesbian: "Well I feel like I'm not. And you're being transphobic writing off my dissent like that"

Cis lesbian: "Well here's the thing you're doing that reminds me of the unsafe straight relationships I've had in the past, and here's the ways I think you're being insufficiently sympathetic to women's lived experiences because those are experiences you haven't had yet as a woman"

Trans lesbian: "Well ok maybe I have some internalized misogyny, but calling it mansplaining is still hyperbolic"

then your relationship has a much better chance of surviving!

I want more lesbians to be open to dating trans women. But having had three failed relationships myself, I am telling you that TERFs are not the only ones who are being bad at listening. Dating someone who is still figuring out their own identity as a woman comes with its own challenges, and one of those challenges is listening to the same naïve "not all men" talking points that I said to my mother when I was a fourteen year old and I didn't know shit.

Cis women and trans women have more in common than we have different. But that doesn't mean the right wing isn't leveraging the minor social advances of one group against the civil rights of the other. And it's not helping any women if we can't have a frank, sometimes uncomfortable, discussion about the shell-games of appearancism, racism, and ageism which can ensnare people just now joining the female experience.

I would never assume a trans woman hasn't experienced misogyny just because she is trans. But if I'm drawing that conclusion based on the conversations I've had with her, you're being dismissive of my lived experiences if you write me off as a TERF.

[backmaskedliedermacher]

The Genocide Thing

CW: Suicide, Genocide

This morning I saw a meme posted by a cis ally about trans rights. It is… disturbing and disquieting to me. I don't know where it comes from. It is one of those perpetually re-edited memes, the sort of thing people who make the memes I see on purpose. Innumerable auto-applied "credits" on top of each other turning the letters into an eldritch blur. A swole gray man - you can tell he's cis. If he was transmasc he'd be either be covering those things up or have had top surgery to reduce them. He's standing pickup truck flying trans flags with a sign saying "TRUMP LOST LOL".

Memes are about recontextualization, about taking things and moving them into a different context, and most of the memes I see, I'm happy about this, but seeing the "was/were pronouns" joke in this context is…

The whole meme is dependent on inverting the logic of transphobia. You call me a snowflake? No, you're the snowflake! You tell me facts don't care about your feelings? Guess what, facts don't care about your feelings either!

The logic of transphobia is genocide. At this point it's really clear to most trans people. We don't have recourse to inverting transphobes' logic. Behind the Bastards, last Christmas, did an episode with Margaret Killjoy on Nakam, a group of Holocaust survivors who attempted to apply the Lex Talionis to the German people. You kill six million of us? We kill six million of you!

Of course it wasn't going to work. Not because of the logistical difficulties but because people can't live like that. Humans are capable of lots of things. Wonderful and horrible, lots of things. To maintain that level of cold rage, for that long? The people in Nakam couldn't do that. I can't do that. Certainly no ally, no matter how committed, is going to commit to that.

The only other option - the one I know is true - is that they don't understand. One of my girlfriends yesterday was talking about the Jewish American Supreme Court justice Felix Frankfurter's reaction to being told about the Holocaust. His response was to say "I cannot accept what you are saying." The person telling him said, "After all I've told you, you don't believe me?" Frankfurter responded, "I believe you. I cannot accept what you are saying." (This is a parable, not history. I haven't verified this.)

I have a lot of privilege, but I don't, in this case, have the sort of privilege Justice Frankfurter did. I see the refugees. I have spoken to some of the intended victims. The allies, by and large, just don't understand. This makes it hard for me to talk to them. What am I to say? Thanks, could you and your swole husband do us a solid and make this genocide's pronouns "was/were"?

The reason it's not our obligation to explain is because, in many, many cases, we don't have the power to do it. We go door to door talking to sealion after sealion. It's soul-killing. Our lives our on the line and people don't listen. That's why we need allies. They can do it because they have the distance, it's not their lives.

But they also have a choice, a choice we don't. The consequences of the choices they're making right now… well, the genocide will continue until the people with the power to do so take action to stop it. Doing that isn't free, for them. They'll pay a cost to do it. Until and unless they do that, we're the ones who pay the cost. That cost is measured in our lives.

It is hard to explain, sometimes, to liberals why I think they are worse than conservatives. They don't understand. They think they are our allies, our friends, and here is how I will put it. When one of us is murdered, a lot of cis people will acknowledge that. They will hold vigils and say strong words and if enough of us die over a long enough time, maybe they'll even take action to stop us from being killed. When one of us commits suicide, though? When one of us commits suicide, it is our fault. People trot out the suicide statistics as an argument against transition, as if those of us who don't transition don't kill ourselves.

People will sometimes talk about how transition is a choice, and this is true. Trans people know it is true. I had a choice: Transition, or suicide. I chose transition. I am far from the only trans person to have faced this choice. Not all of us chose the same way I did.

Conservatives look at trans people and they regard us as abominations against their god and they kill us. Liberals tend to look at us as, essentially, abortions - they want trans people to be safe, legal, and rare. In other words, they create conditions that make transition nearly impossible, and then when we take the other option, the one we prefer not to talk about, they blame us.

This is why I hate liberals and do not hate conservatives. Both ideologies lead to the same effective end - genocide. Liberalism just does a better job at covering up the genocide.

[mikeyfuckinway]

i am a: girlfriend boyfriend

seeking: boyfriend who will also let me call him my girlfriend 

#aries.txt #my relationship with gender is incredibly complex and it bleeds into the way i desire to interact with people romantically #i enjoy Men but i also enjoy the idea of them sharing some degree of gender nonconformity with me #mostly in language thats where most of my gender nonconformity manifests #i think its bc i dont really associate my physical form with my gender or anyone elses for that matter #i enjoy appearing in ways considered feminine but i dont associate that with being a woman or even the concept of femininity #like ofc i know this is a feminine appearance but i dont make the connection of me being a feminine person if u get what i mean #i just look the way i look and i enjoy when other people look a certain way #and that certain way tends to be how men look but i do also enjoy women a lot #it is interesting #sometimes i desire to be a boyfriend with a boyfriend that i also call my girlfriend #and like. maybe that is just a cis man that i am calling my girlfriend #i dont necesarrivly care abt his actual identity #its more that i desire another person to share in my destruction of gendered labels and share in the practice of using- #woman gendered terms for men and man gendered terms for women #i dont want to destroy the terms girlfriend and boyfriend i like them #i just want to destroy the way people think about them and just view them the same way we view pronouns like how the internet does #they dont necessarily signify gender its more about the words and sounds u like #girlfriend #boyfriend #gender

[akikasas]

pjsk inter-character dynamics but randomized (part 1/?)

Kanade + Rin - reclusive pessimist & bold optimist. "i respect the hustle." they have spoken to one another maybe three times. under their facades of seeming innocence they are feral beasts. they can get away with murder sometimes... as a treat

Shiho & Rui - "i am begging you to leave me alone" & "for $8,000 a month, i will stop." gay people i respect vs gay people i don't respect. shiho is actively praying for this man to leave her sight. basically knife cat where shiho is holding the knife

Akito + Emu - no energy & too much energy. emu says "go girl give us nothing" and akito does just that. straight man/wacky sidekick comedy duo. "why does touya call you babygirl akito-kun" "don't worry about it"

Honami + Miku - overly polite lesbian & lesbian that's friends with everybody. "omg honami your speech was like so good" "oh-it's-because-i-like-didn't-even-try-and-it-was-just" "OMG WHY CAN'T YOU JUST TAKE THE FREAKING COMPLIMENT"

MEIKO + Haruka - pansexual & bisexual solidarity. she/they to she/they communication, she/they to she/they conversation. the girls everybody else has a little crush on, except they never realize because they're both dense and also a bit self-detrimental

Minori + Mizuki - cis ally & queer icon. "whoa mizuki-chan! you're nonbiney???? like you don't have any binery??? that's so cool." minori's a little confused but she got the spirit. any time the two of them see a girl they both go absolutely mental

Ichika + Luka - lesbian & bi woman solidarity. "my girlfriend went to the hospital for a nebulous about of time." "that's rough buddy." ichika be like *sobs about how perfect her girlfriends are to luka for 5 hours (bass boosted)*

Kohane + KAITO - confused wlw & confused mlm solidarity. "do you ever just say to yourself what the f... shit is going on?" they are so fucking out of the loop but by god if they aren't the cutest motherfuckers in this old navy

Mafuyu + Len - anxiety & ADHD homies. gifted child syndrome meets pure of heart dumb of ass. "ma look at this weird fuckin cat" and golden retriever. "someone will die" "of fun!"

Shizuku + Nene - seemingly normal girl that turns out to be weird & seemingly weird girl that turns out to be normal. nene sees shizuku drinking scalding hot soup and goes "what the fuck is this allowed???? what the fuck is that allOWED????"

An + Ena - clout chasing bisexual solidarity. would have arguments about the symbolism behind paintings for 12 hours yet never speak about actually pressing issues. "fuck akito" squad moment. secretly get super close simply to spite akito

Tsukasa + Saki - dumbass older brother & younger sister that doesn't notice how dumb he is. i love you despite the warning signs. "my partner is cuter" "no MY partner is cuter." literally just two golden retrievers

Touya + Airi - mean bisexual & even meaner lesbian. the most quiet members of the squad and also the most devastating in a roast. once you get past my asshole exterior there's a soft gooey center and then past that is an even more terrible person

#pjsk #project sekai #project sekai colorful stage #hatsune miku colorful stage #project sekai memes #pjsk memes #literally everybody <3 #leo/need #more more jump #vivid bad squad #wonderlands x showtime #nightcord at 25:00 #25 ji nightcord de #l/n #vbs #wxs #25nc #nightcord #puroseka #colorful stage #starboy's memes

[momolady]

Candy Gorgon Girlfriend: Meleda

Something sweet and cute from the land of Miror. This story follows a himbo knight as he tried to save a village from a very wicked threat. But he does get confused often...

Male Rearder (cis himbo) x Female Monster (cis)

I’ve been summoned to a small village in Pirlipat to take care of a monster. I don’t know many of the details at the moment, all I know is that the villagers are desperate to be rid of the creature. Never one to turn down a chance for adventure, I decided to answer their plea. I also like Pirlipat a great deal, as they have some of the most amazing foods. But I’ve been told by my fiancée I could stand to lose a few pounds, so I’ve promised her I won’t indulge while there.

This was also my chance to earn the money I needed to give my fiancée the wedding she wants. Her family has refused to pay for anything since it’s supposed to be my responsibility to look after her and all her needs. I don’t think her family is very nice, but perhaps I can change their opinion after slaying a dangerous monster and bringing home the reward for the wedding.

Once I arrive at the village, I am surprised by how nice it looks. I was expecting a struggling hamlet of farmers, but I see large, fancy houses and expensive boutiques, not a place that would need help with anything. “You must be the paladin, Sebastian!” I am greeted by a man in a rather splendid hat, who shakes my hand heartily. “Welcome to Plumstone! I’m Mayor Cobble, the one who sent for you.”

“Hello.” I make a quick bow. “So I’m in the right place. I saw all the hat shops and thought perhaps I was lost.”

Mayor Cobble slaps me on the back. “You’re in the right place, my boy! Now come, let me tell you of the awful monster plaguing us.”

The town looks as though it’s all in one piece. I’ve been in places where buildings have been burnt down, people eaten. This place looks untouched. Yet Mayor Cobble keeps going on about how women are fainting, men are at arms, and children can’t sleep. But I’ve not heard much about the monster except that people can’t seem to go to the picnic grounds. “I’m sorry, but are you sure this monster of yours isn’t just some agitated opossum?” I ask.

Mayor Cobble looks at me aghast. “Would you call a dragon a gecko?”

I shrug. “The Gecko Beast, I would.”

He claps me on the back again. “Listen here, my boy. You’re a big lad, and you can handle this monster!”

I still don’t know what the monster is even doing to the village. “I’m sure I can, sir. But perhaps I would be overkill.”

“Better to have help and not need it than to need it and not have it.” Maybe I’m foolish as my fiancée says, but I don’t quite get that. “Just go along this path here, and it’ll take you right to the picnic grounds. Once there, I’m sure you’ll come across the creature plaguing us.” He takes a pistol from his pocket. “Would you like a gun?”

I shake my head. “No. Please. I don’t think even you need that. All I ask is that my horse be put up in a stall. It’s supposed to rain, and he doesn’t like getting wet without bubbles.”

Mayor Cobble gives me a strange look, but he smiles. “Fine, fine. Your horse will be kept dry,” he chortles. He hands me a bag. “Your first half of the reward. You’ll get the rest when you bring me the head of that monster.”

I’m taken aback. I may kill monsters, but I always make a point of burying them at least. It may take ages to dig the grave of a giant beast, but I was always taught to be respectful. “I have to cut the head off, sir?”

“To make a point,” he smiles.

Perhaps I could get away with painting a rock or something. “Okay,” I say with an awkward smile, and I make my way down the path.

My fiancée would love the place. All the shops, the fancy streetlamps, even this cute avenue lined by flowers that alternate in color to make a pretty pattern. She’s always loved fancy things, so she would fit in here. I doubt we could afford it, but I’d try.

The picnic area isn’t what I expected. When I think picnic, I think of grass and rough wood tables, but here there is a huge white pavilion covered in flowering vines, near a stream running into a fanciful fishpond. Under the pavilion are big glass tables and even chairs! Chairs for a picnic? I never had one. I wander up upon the pavilion, looking around for anything suspicious.

Nothing seems out of the ordinary. I scour the area for any signs of tracks that I could follow, but there’s nothing. I kneel down by the stream, inspecting the bank. Still nothing.

“You got a pretty caboose there.”

“Oh, thank you,” I chuckle. “My fiancée says…” I stop and turn around quickly, seeing a woman sitting on the railing of the pavilion. “Sorry, Miss. I didn’t realize anyone was here. You should be careful. Mayor Cobble told me there was a monster around here.” I approach and bow to her as she swings her legs.“I am the paladin Sebastian, Miss. I can escort you home if that would help you feel safe.”

She’s wearing one of those fancy hats with a veil covering her face, so I can’t really see what she looks like. “Well, aren’t you the sweetest thing I ever did meet. It’s been a long while since I met a real gentleman in these parts. I am the Lady Meleda.” She taps her lap. “Mind catching me as I come down?”

“Of course!” I hold out my arms, catching her as she hops off the railing. She’s quite petite, which I find endearing. “I didn’t see you when I first got here.”

“I saw you,” she giggles. “A big handsome fellow like you is very hard to miss.” She walks her fingers up my chest, then taps the tip of the nose. “Don’t see enough of that around here either.”

My face feels warm and my insides are fuzzy. “Here, you can take my arm if you like. I would hate for you to get scared on your way home.”

“Oh, that’s right!” Meleda chortles. “The monster.” She wiggles her fingers. “I’ve heard talk of said monster. But do you know what’s really monstrous?”

I shake my head. “Land theft.” She swings her arm and points back to the pavilion. “See that gaudy eyesore there?”

“I believe so, yes.”

She sniffs. “That thing is built on someone else’s land. They didn’t even ask! Just because the property lines are so close together,” she sneers with a high pitched voice in a mocking tone. “And because they think they can walk all over me!”

I don’t get it. “Huh?”

Meleda sighs and places her hands on her hips. “Did they send you to kill me?”

“No!” I gasp in alarm. “They sent me to kill a monster! I would never harm a lady like you, Meleda.”

“I can be both.” She takes off her hat, and her head is covered in what looks like wriggling, giant worms. She smiles at me, eyes covered by large purple sunglasses and framed by glittering scales, and the corners of her mouth stretch wider than normal.

“You’re too pretty to be a monster, Lady Meleda,” I say.

Her expression goes slack, almost surprised. “Well, thank you.” She puts her hat back on with the veil away from her face. “But seriously, Sebastian, I’m the monster.”

I laugh. “No! Then why would I have been sent to kill you? That’s not very funny, Lady Meleda.”

“The gods made you far too lovely, didn’t they?” She takes a step back. “I am a monster, sweetie. Just probably not the kind you’re used to. See these?” She taps a long fingernail to her sunglasses. “These are keeping me from turning you into a giant lollipop.”

I furrow my brow. “But why would they want me to kill you?”

“So they can take my land!” Meleda points across the street. “It was left to me when my mother died, and I’m not giving it up for the pitance they offered. All the money in the world, and they offered me crumbs.” She sniffs and shakes her head. “Since the lines of property were so close and hard to determine, they built this eyesore in my backyard! And when I dared to say people couldn’t come into my backyard without permission, they flipped. Sure, maybe I did turn a screaming asshole into marshmallow as a warning. So what? I think we have enough assholes in the world to spare one.”

“That’s still not nice.”

Meleda frowns. “I know! But they want you to kill me just so they can expand their stupid picnic area. Who do you think is worse?”

“They also wanted me to bring you their head.”

Her whole body goes slack. “You must be joking.”

“I thought it was bad too, and I’m glad to know I’m not alone in my thinking.” I look up at the sky, feeling the first raindrop on my face.

“We can discuss morality at my house.” Meleda takes my hand. “You can continue being a gentleman and escort me home.”

It starts to pour before we make it to her home. I’m soaked to the bone and shivering, and I’ve never been one for being cold. Meleda takes me inside, making me stand before the hearth while she goes to change and find me something to wear. I figure it won’t hurt to remove my wet things while I wait, so by the time she returns I’m naked before the fire.

“Showing off?” Meleda clicks her tongue.

I turn and use a piece of armor to cover myself. “Not at all!”

She smiles and strides into the room, handing me a robe. “Then put this on. It should fit you.” She sits down, watching me as I dress. “So tell me, paladin Sebastian, how much are they offering you to kill me?”

“Quite a lot.” I run my hand through my hair. “Enough to give my fiancée the wedding she wants.”

Meleda’s brow arches. “You’re betrothed. So you’re doing this for love.”

“No, I’m doing it for money,” I chuckle.

She nods and scrunches up her face for a brief second. “Well, I don’t have much to offer, and since you are to be wed, my other offer probably won’t suffice either.” She leans back in her chair and sighs. “This whole situation just keeps going pear-shaped.”

“What do you mean?”

“Worse. It keeps getting worse.” She smiles at me. “How does your fiancée put up with you?”

“Oh, she says I give her headaches and it would be easier to live with a bull in the house than me,” I laugh.

Meleda frowns. “I sure hope she’s joking.”

“She also said I couldn’t come back until I had the money to pay for the wedding she wants.”

She leans closer to me. “Couldn’t or shouldn’t?”

“Couldn’t?”

“I don’t know who the monster is now, me or her.” She leans back again and looks into the fire.

“I don’t know what I am going to do. I can’t kill you now, Lady Meleda. I’ll have to give back half of the reward Mayor Cobble already gave me, and after that I’ll have to find some other way to make that money.”

“I can offer you a meal,” Meleda says. “Are you hungry?”

“Yes!” I exclaim excitedly. “But I should really watch what I eat. My fiancée says my paunch is starting to look ridiculous.”

I can’t tell what her expression is behind those glasses, but she doesn’t seem too amused by that. “Your fiancée sounds mean, Sebastian.”

“It’s tough love.”

“You're a big, handsome man, who cares if you have a paunch?” She then rose from her seat. “Eat what you want, don’t worry about what you look like.”

She takes me to her small kitchen, where she sliced some bread and cheese and fries them in a pan with butter. “I don’t have much right now, as they won’t let me into the village to shop anymore.”

“You used to go into Plumstone?” I ask.

Meleda scoffs. “Oh, yes, all the time. Barely have the money for it, aside from what my father sends me, and he’s been stingy since my brother fucked it up with his gambling.” She flips the bread in the pan.

“How much do you need?”

Meleda turns and scowls at me. “Don’t start. You have a… someone at home wanting money, don’t you?”

“My fiancée, but…” Meleda’s kitchen looks bare, and one of her windows is broken and covered by boards that look poorly-hung. “She wants it. You look like you need it.”

Her scowl deepens, but she hands me a plate. The bread has become buttery and toasted, and the cheese inside is gooey and melting over the sides. “Thank you!” I happily grab at the food, breaking it in half and offering it to her.

Her frown turns into a smile. “No, that’s for you. I can make my own.” Meleda starts to cut her bread again, but the knife breaks in her hand. “Dammit! Again?”

I take out my dagger and slice the bread and cheese for her. “Don’t worry, it’s clean.” I smile up at her. “I can probably fix your knife too, if you like.”

Meleda chuckles, taking the plate. “You don’t seem like a ruthless paladin.”

“I wouldn’t say ruthless,” I murmur. “I try to take care of people, and it just comes naturally to me. I always want to help when I see someone is being treated wrong.”

Meleda hesitates for a moment, then continues making her food. “Is your fiancée like that too?”

“No. I helped her father with a whooping bear problem, and instead of paying me he gave me his daughter.” I take a bite of my food, and it tastes delicious

“Ah,” Meleda clicks her tongue. “Well, that makes sense,” she says under her breath.

“What about you? What do you do, Lady Meleda?” I ask.

She turns and sits back down with her food on her plate. “Right now? Nothing.” She picks at her sandwich. “Between being ostracized from Plumstone and having you sent here to kill me, I’ve not been able to run my business as usual.”

“What was your business?”

She looks sad for a moment, distant even. I can’t tell what her eyes are doing, but her shoulders drop and she sets her food back down. “I made candy for one of the confectionaries in town. But now… the same man I made candy for set fire to my lawn.”

An indignant fire burns in me. It’s not fair they treat her this way just because she stood up for her property. “That’s not right.”

“No,” she sighs. “I thought those people liked me, but apparently they only tolerated me.” She takes a bite of her food and chews slowly.

“What all needs to be fixed?” I ask. “Maybe I can help.”

Meleda huffs. “Don’t do that, Sebastian. I’m not some damsel in distress. I’m just a missy who’s pissy.”

“I’m serious.” I stand up and go to the broken window. “I can fix this for you. I’ll even help you get your lawn back in order, if it’s still not on fire.”

Meleda smiles warmly. “It’s not.”

“I’d rather be helping you than trying to kill you,” I tell her.

She chuckles warmly. “That’s the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me. But I can’t offer you much, Sebastian.”

“That’s okay. Once the rain stops, you can show me what needs to get done. I’ll go into town, get my horse and some supplies…”

“But what will you tell them?” Meleda grunts. “They sent you here to kill me, after all. They’re going to expect some answers.”

“I’ll just tell them you fled and I’m camping out waiting for your return. Easy.”

“Easy for you, cutie pie,” she sighs. “I can’t change your mind on this, can I?”

I shake my head. “Not at all.”

Meleda makes up the couch for me to sleep on that evening. By dawn, I’m up early to go inspect her yard. It’s an easy fix. I just have to dig and till, seed it, build a new fence and it will be as good as new. A few of her other windows are broken too. I go to town to fetch my horse, telling the citizens I came up with last night. After that, I buy some supplies, which seems to confuse the townsfolk, but I assure them they are necessary to hunt the monster.

Over the next few days I make repairs to Meleda’s house. It’s not bad at all; in fact, I would rather do this than anything else. I also enjoy Meleda’s company, and I like talking with her at night before bed. “How are you going to keep this going?” She asks me one evening. “Eventually they’re going to get impatient. You can’t keep pretending at this game of cat-and-mouse much longer.”

“I know. Hopefully I’ll get the yard fixed in time to come up with a better story. Have you thought about reaching out to your family for help?”

“I haven’t heard from my brother in a long time,” she grumbles. “And my dad is growing exhausted of us, so I choose not to deal with him.” She shrugs and looks into the fire. “Maybe I really should go back home to him, and let the stupid village have my home. If only it wasn’t my mother’s.”

I decide then and there that I can’t leave until I know Meleda is safe.

#monsterxhuman #himbo #gorgon #monster girlfriend #monster romance #my writing #momolady monsters #monster fudger

[wearequeer-andwearehere]

hi... so... im a lesbian........ with major comphet (maybe) however... when i fantasise about being with a guy... i see myself as... a guy? like im- thats not a very cis this is it? like... when i daydream about having a girlfriend, i feel more like a girl but... when im thinking about, somewhat hypothetically, being with a guy or having a boyfriend i feel... more like a guy? like im gay for both men and women???????? is that a thing? am i just crazy? is it serious comphet?! idk

Okay holy shit we’ve got a lot to work through here so, let’s go ajdjajd and dw anon this is not an uncommon experience in the slightest and I’ll help you through it!!

To answer your question: yes! It is possible to be gay for both men and women! There are multiple people who are as well as multiple labels for this experience, so don’t worry man, you’re not alone. You’re not crazy.

Now before I go more into detail about this, let’s address this whole gender thing

Now, you know what I’m going to say already: imagining yourself as a guy is Not very cisgender of you there my friend!

Now, try thinking *why* do you see yourself as a guy dating a guy? Does it feel more comfy? Does it feel better? Now, imagine yourself as a girl dating a guy. How do you feel? And why?

Here’s a post on gender dysphoria you might wanna read, it might help you out and I recommend you read it, especially the links at the end—see if you relate to anything!

Now, you might be thinking something similar to: “but if I’m a trans guy, then I can’t be wlw or a girl, and I don’t want to give that up.” But here’s the thing: you don’t.

If you are a trans guy you can still be wlw, you can still be sapphic and date women as a woman if you want to.

Some trans guys are multigender, so you can have more than one gender! You can be a guy and a girl at the same time if you wanna. You can still have a connection to having a sapphic identity and date women as a woman.

Now, what I want you to do is take a deep breath, and disregard everything you’ve ever thought about your gender. All of it. Doesn’t matter. What terminology you use, pronouns, everything. And I’m going to ask you one question.

What makes you feel happy?

You don’t need to obsess over your gender. Stop asking yourself “what gender am I?” and ask yourself, “what makes me feel happiest and truest to myself?”

Does being a guy make you feel happy? Be a guy! Does being a girl make you feel true to yourself? Be a girl. Chase the happy feelings and things will fall into place. Happiness first, labels second.

My advice, try on the label. Say “I’m a guy, and I like guys,” see how it feels! Either it’ll fit, which is awesome, I’m so happy for you!! Or it won’t fit, which is cool too!! You’re one step closer to finding a label that does!!

See, there’s this thing called gender euphoria! Basically, it’s the happiness you feel, or euphoria, when you’re called the right name/pronouns, or perceived as the right gender! As I was saying earlier, it’s about what makes you happy.

So yeah, do what makes you happy!! Try on labels and pronouns and see what feels right, and prioritise your happiness.

The entire trans community is here for you and we love and support you, and if you are cis that’s awesome, you’ve learned more about yourself! And if you are trans there is a future of love and happiness and joy ahead of you and it is going to be okay.

Now we’ve covered the gender part, on to the attraction part

Imo I don’t think it’s comphet. Like obviously I cannot label it for you and it is possible you are not attracted to men, but if you are fantasising or daydreaming about dating guys you might want to consider that you might be bisexual, pansexual or some other mspec sexuality.

Here is a post on comphet attraction. I’d suggest reading it, see if you relate, and also talk to any lesbians you know about what comphet feels like, and if your attraction to men doesn’t feel like that, then it is possible you might be mspec and not a lesbian.

I would say again try it on and see how it feels, try saying “I like guys and girls” and see how it feels!

Now, here’s a label you might like:

Sapphillean (click for link to wiki page)

Sapphillean is a term for when one considers oneself sapphic and achillean due to being both male or masculine-aligned and female or feminine-aligned (fluidly or simultaneously), and being attracted to men and women.

They identify as MLM and WLW however, they do not identify as WLM or MLW, one only feels attraction to women as a woman and only feels attraction to men as a man. One does not feel attraction to women as a man, or attraction to men as a woman. A sapphic achillean individual may or may not be also attracted to other genders.

You might also wanna check out the label saphboy!

I hope I could help you out, and I wish you luck on your gender and sexuality journey! Lmk if you have any more questions, and have a great day/night :D

#ask #anon #helping out a questioning person

[drakenology]

Operation Deku Day- Izuku Midoriya

author’s note: hiiii! so today’s inspiration is drunk sex. anyone who’s ever had drunk sex before knows that shit hit different. Something about it is soo nasty and hot ugh I’m a sucker. I firmly believe that izuku is an insatiable sex god don’t let that innocent sweetness fool you so he was the perfect candidate for my idea. please enjoy! all characters are aged up 18 +

warnings: cussing, smut!, alcohol use, breeding kink? and sex under the influence. also light degradation

summary: For Izuku’s 21st birthday you and the girls decide to throw him a surprise birthday party. As the night progressed, you and Izuku got real drunk and couldn’t keep your hands off each other... in more ways than one. 

word count: 2.4k

You spent all week preparing for this surprise party for Izuku. It was his birthday and you really wanted him to feel special and appreciated for being a great friend and loving boyfriend. You were pretty good at pretending that all the things you snuck home were just “things for the apartment” instead of decorations and all his favorite foods for the party. Bakugo being Izuku’s childhood friend couldn’t pass up on helping you and everyone from your graduating class of 1-A prep for the party, keeping everything hidden from Izuku. 

“MIND YOUR DAMN BUSINESS DEKU!” He’d yell at him if the green haired pro hero asked one too many questions. Today was finally the day to set up the party. You just had to keep everything hidden for a little while longer. You woke Izuku up with kisses and a plate of his favorite breakfast. He’d always loved pancakes but for whatever reason, he loved your waffles. Izuku could eat them for dinner if you’d let him. He smiled and ate his food, gushing about how he’s finally 21. 

“I can drink with you now, Y/N.” He said with a mouthful of waffles. You grinned and kissed him on the cheek as he ate. “So, what are we doing today?” He asked. Even though today was his birthday, the hero still had to work. 

“Oh.. uhm.. well.” You struggle to tell Midoriya that you had “nothing planned” knowing that he’d be hurt by that. 

“Maybe we could just go out to the bar and have a few drinks?” You lie, wincing at the upcoming disappointment in his voice. He nodded with a weak smile, trying not to seem too disappointed at the lazy plans. But he was grateful anyways and kind of excited to see the bar scene. After eating his birthday breakfast, he stood up from the bed and got ready for the day. While he was in the bathroom you text the mass group chat with the entire class in it named “Operation Deku Day!” Mina had already been messaging you all throughout the morning reminding everyone that the party starts at 9 pm; right when Izuku is expected to be home. 

“So what kind of cake does he like? I’m at the bakery right now.” Todoroki texts followed by an image of the options of cake the menu had. 

“Get him chocolate.” You text, giggling at the plan all coming together nicely. You wait for a response while looking at all the gifs and memes everyone’s sending sharing the same excitement for the party.

“Cool. I’ll have them decorate it and drop it off at your place, Y/N. Just let me know when Midoriya leaves.” Shoto texts back, you responding with an Ok and answering any questions about the party from the others. 

“Your phone’s going off a lot today, Y/N. Who are you talking to?” Izuku asks, his hips adorning a towel as he just got out of the shower. You look his wet body up and down, almost forgetting to respond to the question before he gets too curious.

“OH! Uh, It’s just the girls. Yaoyorozu wished you a happy birthday.” You laugh nervously, clearly awful at keeping secrets. Izuku just smiles and tells you to tell her he said thank you and got dressed in his hero costume. 

“Well, I’m off. I love you Y/N. I’ll see you later tonight.” Izuku says giving you a small peck on the lips as he leaves your shared apartment. You wave goodbye as he shuts the door and jumped up from your bed, texting the group chat

 “THE EAGLE HAS LEFT THE NEST. OPERATION DEKU DAY IS AGO.” 

Momo, Mina and Uraraka spend all day decorating the house and setting the ambiance for the party. Todoroki brought the cake and put it in the fridge and starting making a small ice sculpture in the shape of All Might for the spiked punch he made (He was known for making a good cocktail). Kyoka made a playlist for the party, she was the DJ afterall. She tweaked the stereo so the sound system would be JUMPIN and laughed maniacally as she knew she was gonna rock the fucking house down. Katsuki insisted on cooking since “You can’t cook half as good as he can.” Or at least that’s what Katsuki said. He handed a hot dish of buffalo chicken dip (my favorite) to Mineta, who insisted on helping with... idk something.

“It’s hot on the bottom, idiot. If you drop my dip I’m gonna drop my fucking fist down your throat.” Bakugo shouts, making Mineta nervous as he walks carefully with the dish. Sero and Yaoyorozu were putting the finishing touches on the decorations as you check the clock on your phone. Shit. It was 8:59. You see a text you received from Izuku 30 minutes ago saying he was on his way home and another from just now saying he’s coming upstairs. You squeal and start panicking. He was probably already on your floor. 

“Everybody ready? Izuku’s home!” You yell over everyone’s excited chatter. Everyone replied in a harmonious yes and took their places. You run towards the door and adjust your strapless dress, turning off the lights. You stand behind the houseplant by the door and almost squeal in excitement as you hear the door click unlocked. 

“Y/N?” You hear Izuku say nervously as he turned on the lights. He gasps as everyone jumps out from their hiding places and yell 

“SURPISE!!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY IZUKU!” 

He smiles brightly and grabs you, giving you the biggest hug while lifting you off your feet. 

“Wow, thanks everyone!” He says excitedly, looking around the room to see all his friends. He became a little emotional knowing that you all went through the trouble of planning a surprise birthday party for him. You wipe his tears and give him a big fat kiss, earning an excited spin from him. 

“We love you Izuku. Now, let’s enjoy your party!” You said as you let him to the delicious spread of food to start Izuku off. Kyoko started the music and danced along to the beat to get everyone to join in on the fun. Mina pulled Uraraka towards the living to dance with her as she waved Asui over to join in. Shoto manned the punch bowl, serving everyone with a half smile hoping they like his punch. Midoriya walks over to grab a plate of food from Katsuki.

“Yo, Ka-Chan!” He yelled over the music. Bakugo smirks and gives the birthday boy his plate. They chat over the food and laugh together as they have a good time in each other’s company. Katsuki seemed to cease the usual teasing, just for this one special night. You giggle and run over to the dancefloor with your cup of punch in toe. You drink and dance at the same time, spilling a little bit of punch as it ran down your chin. Mina laughs and takes your hands dancing along to the beat with you. The night was young and the party was a success. You were just glad Midoriya seemed to be having a great time. 

Drink after drink you feel yourself get extremely tipsy, stumbling around with a drunk Mina and Asui. Uraraka had passed out on the couch from all the drinking and dancing. Even Momo was drunk, creating a phone to drunkenly call in some pizza since there was no more of the food Katsuki made. It was 1 am and everyone was still partying like there was no tomorrow. Including Midoriya. You had never seen this shy boy act so boldy and confidently. It was kind of a turn on. He was in a chug contest with Bakugo, seeing who out of them both could drink the most drinks the fastest. Ida, Shoto, Kirishima and Kaminari crowded around the two chanting chug chug chug as they both drank themselves into a drunken stupor. Izuku finished first, erupting into a loud and boisterous burp. Bakugo grunts and raises Izuku’s arm in the air claiming him the victor. When the hell did Katsuki EVER admit to defeat?

“ *hic* IZUKU’S THE FUCKING CHAMPION! *hic* And he’s one of my best fucking friends! I- I love you bro.” Katsuki says, slurring his speech and stuttering over his words. Midoriya winks at you, who was watching the whole thing go down from across the room. 

“L-Love you too, Kaaaachan.” Izuku slurred, stumbling over to you to give you a kiss. He wanted to celebrate his victory the right way; with a kiss from his girlfriend who was looking sexier than usual tonight. Midoriya approached you, smelling like beer and sweat as he pulled you close to him. Without warning he crashed his lips into yours, turning a sweet kiss into an intense and passionate make out session in front of the whole party. Something definitely took over in Midoriya. He was more aggressive with you than usual. You hear encouraging whoos and a jealous aww from Mineta who wished he was the one kissing you. Izuku waved him away as if he was shooing a fly and lifted you up, carrying you away from the party and into your bedroom. He shut the door with a slam, you squealing with excitement as he heatened the kiss. Izuku’s hands were all over you, groping your ass, squeezing your boobs and leaving sloppy kisses all over your neck. He was a beast, hungry for his well deserved prize. 

“Do you know what you do to me, Y/N?” Izuku asked, pulling away from the sloppy kiss as he throws you on the bed. You can’t even answer as you stare at him dumbly, still shocked at your normally sweet and gentle boyfriend turn into a lust stricken beast. He hovers over you on the bed, drinking in your body in that tight little dress you wore. Izuku feels himself stiffen at the sight of you, pulling your panties down under your dress. 

“’M gonna leave this dress on. You look so good right now, ya know that? Your tits are popping out of this little thing” Midoriya hisses, taking his calloused hand and rubbing tight circles on your already sensitive bud. You moan at his dirty words, intoxicated on his touch as you grab a pillow and cover your face with it. Izuku snatched the pillow away and threw it across the room, eager to hear your moans no matter who else was around to hear them. 

“Let everyone know how good I’m making you feel.” He said, easing two fingers inside you wet walls. You moan like a pornstar, grabbing onto Midoriya’s arm for dear life as he fingered you with a steady pace. Izuku’s eyes were glued to your face, watching you make those faces he loved to see pull on your features as he pulled your breasts out of your dress suckling on your swollen nipple. You pant, gasping at the euphoric feeling as the pit of your stomach tightened, threatening to snap as you approach a fast climax. Izuku noticed you body language automatically able to tell you’re about to cum. He quickened his pace as he watched you arch your back as you came undone before him. 

“Good girl.” Izuku coos as he takes his hand and sucked his sweet juices off his fingers. You flutter your eyes open as Izuku pulled his pants and boxers down in one swift movement, his impressive length springing out as you lick your lips at the sight. You wanted him in your mouth so you grab his dick and stroke it with a tight grip earning an eager moan from Midoriya as he grabbed your hair. 

“N-No. As much as I want you to, I have to be inside you.” He stutters, pulling your dress up over your hips. He kissed you sloppily, slipping some tongue in as you moan into the kiss. He motioned for you to bend over and you do so with excitement, wiggling your ass to tease him as he smacked it with fervor. 

“You ready for me?” Izuku asked tapping his dick against you as you nod and back yourself onto him, feeling his dick slide inside you with ease. You both moan at the feeling as Midoriya grabs your hips and thrusts harshly inside you, holding nothing back as he pulled your hair and smacked your ass. The muffled sounds of the music along with the sinful noises coating the walls of your room were all you could hear as you feel his hand reach forward to rub your clit as he brushed up against your g-spot repeatedly. You scream, trying to keep up with his swift and hard strokes as you throw your ass back on him, gripping the sheets for dear life. You’re sure everyone can hear your loud moans over all the music as you approach a second climax. 

“I’m gonna fill that pretty pussy with my cum, baby. You want me to fill you up don’t you, you filthy whore?” Izuku said, earning a frantic yes from you as you whine for him. You’re shocked at his words but more so turned on by them as you clench around him, cumming for him a second time. Izuku hissed as he rode out your orgasm, chasing his own. Soon enough, he’s coating your insides with his hot seed, grunting and moaning as he ruts into you a few more times. You whine at the loss of his dick as he pulled out of you. Izuku watched as his thick sperm dripped out of you, satisfied with the job for now. He grabbed a towel and cleaned you off sloppily, still heavily intoxicated. You giggled and grabbed your underwear and slipped them back on to rejoin the party. Izuku and you were both a visual mess. It looked as if you both just had sex, your hair was an absolute wreck, your dress was disheveled and you were missing a shoe. Izuku was just as bad, sweat glistening on his forehead and he had this big cheesy grin plastered on his face. You hoped you were both inconspicuous enough for you both to just rejoin the party as if nothing happened in your bedroom. But Mina took one look at you two and erupted into laughter. 

“You two just had sex didn’t you?!” 

#bnha fanfiction #bnha smut #bnha #bnha izuku #bnha midoriya x reader #bnha bakugo x reader #bnha todoroki x reader #bnha x reader #bnha fluff #bnha imagines #bnha bakugo katsuki #bnha bakugou #bnha headcanons #bnha kirishima #bnha midoriya #bnha oc #bnha todoroki