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#and led them all to it and it was LIFE and reconnection and joy
codiemarin · 13 days
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Such Small Hands - Alexia Putellas x Reader
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Summary: You give Alexia an ultimatum.
T/W: Angst.
A/N: I´m testing the waters just in case it seems a bit wonky. As mentioned, I´m on hiatus but this was in my head so I tried to do it. 
You were standing in front of the kitchen island, meticulously chopping vegetables and focusing on the task at hand in an attempt to quell your nerves for what lay ahead. You were hoping that tonight would be different, a chance to reconnect with your wife and bridge the growing chasm between you both that had been steadily growing for the past few years.
As you move on to sauteing some garlic and onions in a pan, you can't shake off the feeling of unease that settled deep in your belly. Your relationship and marriage with Alexia had been perfect, like it was straight out of a romance novel. Childhood neighbours turned best friends, then lovers. You couldn't remember a time in your life that you were without Alexia, spending your younger days and ascending the ranks of La Masia together, until you both made it to Barcelona Feminí´s first team and led them towards victory after victory. You were on top of the world, and you thought that nothing could stop you both. 
You vividly remember when the first crack appeared in your marriage. It was during a training session in 2022, you had already retired from football in lieu of fulfilling another of yours and Alexia´s biggest dreams, having a child together. You and your daughter Estela were kicking a ball in the far corner of the field, when you heard the sound of Alexia´s agonised scream and looked up to see her collapse in a heap on the field as she clutched at her knee. The diagnosis was devastating for the team and for your family, an ACL rupture that made sure that she was sidelined for months. The Alexia you knew lived and breathed football, and it was utterly despairing for you to see the disbelief and hopelessness that filled her face as her tears ran down her cheeks. 
In the days that followed, you watched as your wife slowly spiralled, the once proud and spirited Captain, turned into a shell of her former self. That was the day you promised that you would do everything in your power to lift her out of the abyss that she found herself in. The first few months of her recovery were the hardest, Alexia would refuse to leave the room and wouldn't speak with anyone. Every day you would drag your reluctant wife out of bed, you made her a healthy breakfast and ensured that she did her stretches to strengthen her muscles. You waited on her hand and foot as she continued her relentless descent into depression. Her mood swings became more frequent and she lashed out at you and your daughter with such uncharacteristic anger that broke your heart and instilled a fear of her mother in Estela.
Despite your unwavering love for Alexia, you found yourself sinking from all of the responsibilities that were thrust upon you. Not just caring for your wife during her recovery, but also raising your daughter as a single parent because Alexia was too far gone within herself to contribute to anything in the household. Your house that was once filled with joy and laughter was now silent and tense because of Alexia´s unpredictable behaviour, you and Estela were left walking on eggshells in her wake, never knowing when the Catalan´s next outburst would come. 
Desperate to salvage the crumbling relationship of your family, you strived to work harder, pouring in as much of your energy into supporting Alexia and agreeing to her every whim to keep her happy enough to spend time with you and your daughter without further incidents. You've managed to create a new normal for everyone involved, and the screaming and constant arguments between you both have stopped. However, the damage was already done for Estela, and you didn't know how to fix it.
You couldn't decide if the Captain´s recovery was a blessing or a curse. On one hand, Alexia´s return to the football pitch had made her calm, happy and almost like her old self. However, as your wife threw herself into training with even more determination, you realised that this might be another reason to widen the chasm between you both. 
The Catalan Captain´s sole focus ever since her recovery had been her career, leaving very little time for you and Estela because of her hectic recovery schedule and the increase in her required media appearances. At first you were happy about it, seeing a glimpse of the sparkle in Alexia's eyes that you love so much. On her rare days off, you would be back to sitting on the couch with Estela between you both as you watched a TV show. It was like she's been revived and you finally had your wife back, however as the months went by, her passion and dedication to the sport overshadowed everything else, including your family. 
You and Estela were relegated into the back of Alexia´s mind as she put all of her time and energy into being the Captain Barça needed, as well as advocating for women's football across the world. You continued to slip further into the background, becoming a spectator in Alexia´s life instead of sharing it with her. The strain in Alexia´s relationship with Estela also became evident when your daughter would walk away as soon as Alexia entered the door, deciding instead to paint in her room until your wife would leave again. She was young, but she was old enough to understand and feel like she wasn't wanted every time Alexia would sigh when she asked if they could spend time together building puzzles while waiting for you to finish cooking dinner.
It wasn't because of lack of communication from your part that was the cause of the issues in your relationship, you really did try to speak with Alexia to come up with a plan to return to how you were before. However, every single plea fell on deaf ears as the Catalan was always in a rush, or simply brushed you off every time you attempted to speak your mind. As you watched the cracks in your relationship deepen, your only source of strength was trying to make sure that Estela had a home with two loving parents who thought the world of her, a concept that was steadily going down the drain as you see the strained relationship between your wife and child. Your daughter´s innocent spirit was dimming under the weight of the emotional neglect caused by the Catalan.
Each night, as you tucked her into bed, you were haunted by the weight of your decisions and the consequences of trying to keep your family together. You desperately longed for the warmth of Alexia´s embrace, the reassurance of her presence by your side as you both read a bedtime story to your child, but instead, you face the reality of loneliness and isolation. Seeing the drastic impact Alexia had inflicted upon your daughter became the catalyst for your decision to give her an ultimatum.
You were hoping that it didn't have to come to that point though, that you and Alexia could sit down and finally spend some time together, reconnect and try to rebuild your relationship. You asked Eli and Alba to take Estela for the weekend, already arranging activities that they can do to keep her distracted as you attempted to bring Alexia into a proper conversation. 
As you finish setting the table, the clock strikes nine, the time Alexia is supposed to be home. Your heart flutters lightly in anticipation of her arrival, still optimistic about the conversation that you´ll have with her. Yet as the minutes stretched, first fifteen, then thirty, and then an hour with still no sign of Alexia, your hope began to wither, being replaced by that familiar knot of heavy dread in your stomach. 
You tried to text her, when that was unanswered, you moved on to calling. First her, then her family and finally her teammates. Nobody knew where Alexia was and the dread in your stomach turns into a gnawing sense of anxiety that threatens to make you hurl. You paced the living room, tightly clutching the phone in your hand as each ringtone echoed tauntingly in your empty home. At one in the morning, Alexia stumbles through your front door loudly, clear exhaustion etched into the lines of her face. 
“A-Ale, where were you? You weren't answering any of my calls and nobody knew where you were. I was worried sick.” Your voice trembles.
“Why do you always need to know where I am, Y/N?” She said, throwing her keys in the bowl. “I had to stay late for practice, it's none of your business.” 
“It's my business because we had plans together, Alexia. Plans that you promised you would do with me.” You say, walking towards her. 
“Well forgive me for having a job, I don't have time for this right now. I'm exhausted and I want peace for once, none of this nagging from you.” She rolled her eyes, annoyance dripping in her tone.
You felt your heart sink at her words, “It's not just about tonight, Alexia. It's about every night. You´re never here anymore and it's tearing our family apart mi amor.” You were trying to explain gently, begging for her to understand.
“Don't you dare guilt-trip me, Y/N. I have a responsibility to my team. Maybe if you played football, you'd understand.” She snarls.
“This isn't about football, Alexia. It's about our family. Don't you see what you're doing to us?” You implored, getting close enough to her that you can feel the warmth radiating from her.
“No, Y/N. What I see is you being so needy and trying to control me. I don't need this.” She says, eerily calm. 
“Needy? Alexia, I am your wife. I don't think it's controlling when I barely see you at home anymore. Is it too much to ask for a simple text to let me know you're okay?” You say.
“Maybe the reason why I´m not responding to your text messages is because I'm sick of your constant nagging.” She says as she pushes past you to go to the kitchen, as she looks up, she sees the table that you´ve set and her favourite dish on a plate, but she ignores it and you follow after her quickly. 
“Nagging? Is that what you think this is? I'm trying to hold our family together while you're out doing god knows what!” You say incredulously. 
You see her face contorting in anger, “Don't you dare bring our child into this! This is between you and me. I'm so sick of your constant whining!” She screams at you and you feel yourself flinching from her tone, tears gathering in your eyes. Alexia knows that you didn't take raised voices very well, but she was too far in her anger to consider stopping now.
“Alexia, please.. Can we talk about this calmly? I´ll reheat the food and we can eat. I made your favourite, are you hungry?” You say quietly, voice shaking as you reach out a hand to her, hoping to soothe her anger.
“NO! I'm done talking! I'm sick of this goddamn mess. I feel trapped and I'm constantly suffocated by your constant neediness. I can't do it anymore!” She says roughly, batting your hand away. 
“I've done everything I can to support you, Alexia. I've been there for you every step of the way, but it feels like you don't see it.” You feel your eyes welling up with tears, getting overwhelmed from Alexia´s anger. 
“I can't live like this, Y/N. You´re overbearing and it's too much for me. What I need is space, I don't need whatever this is. I´m going to bed.” She says harshly as she moves to make her way to the bedroom. 
You feel the tight grip of anguish on your heart as her words sink in, despite all your sacrifices and efforts to make everything better for Alexia and keep your family together, it wasn´t enough. As she reaches her breaking point, you know that what you needed to do next was for the best. Not just for you and your daughter, but for Alexia too. You take a deep breath, trying to calm your racing heart before uttering your next words with resignation. 
“Alexia, if space is what you need then I´ll give it to you.” You walk towards her and grab her hand swiftly. She watches you in confusion, but you didn´t dare to look in her face fearing that you ́ll break down when you lock eyes with her. You walk silently through the living room where a small luggage was waiting with a bag on top of it. You quickly grab it by the handle and continue walking. As you make your way through the hallway, Alexia tries to ask what was happening but you continue in silence until you are in front of the door.
“I love you with everything I have, Ale.” You used your free hand to reach into the bag, pulling out a set of keys, Alexia looking on with silent trepidation. 
“But like you said, I can't keep living like this.” You untangle your fingers from hers and reposition her hand, palm facing up as you press the keys gently into it before closing her hand around it. 
“Amor, wait. What is this?” She begins, slightly panicked, and you reach out to touch her face gently hoping to calm her. You stroke her cheek softly, finally looking into those hazel eyes. You feel her leaning further into your touch and you knew you needed to do this before you gave in to her again. For both of your sakes, at the very least. 
“Everything you need is in these bags, Ale.. There´s a folder in the backpack that you can start with. It's in order, so start from the beginning.” You say quietly, looking earnestly into her eyes and finally seeing the realisation dawn on them. 
“Mi vida, no. Please, I -” She speaks again, with a newfound fear in her tone as she grabs your waist to keep you in place. 
“Don´t, Alexia. You´ve said enough. I´m not angry, I promise.” You could feel your heart breaking for the umpteenth time and you let out a laboured breath as you clutch onto her, trying to commit the feeling of her to your memory.
You tilt her head down and reach up to press your lips to hers, and it took everything in you to keep your knees from buckling at finally feeling her touch again after all these months of isolation and loneliness. You hear Alexia let out a quiet, shuddering breath as she tightens her grip on you. Like if she holds you securely enough, it would stop the train wreck that was about to happen. You give her one final kiss and push her gently away from you, ensuring that there was ample space between you both as you deliver the final blow. 
“Take the time you need to heal, Alexia. But remember that I need to take care of myself too.” You utter softly as you open the door and usher her out. The Catalan, knowing that she´s done enough damage, left without a fight. She´ll regroup and you´ll speak at another time, she promises to herself.
It was only after you closed the door behind her and made sure that she's gone, that you finally let yourself fall to the floor, your whole body wracked with broken sobs.
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drdemonprince · 1 year
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I wanted to thank you for Unmasking Autism. Beyond the content, which is both extremely relatable and extremely insightful, I am overjoyed with how much listening to it has pulled me in and kept me engaged. I have struggled with reading or even listening to audio books since my diagnosis because my ability to read and process information was the biggest casualty of the intense burnout that began when my mom died in 2020 that ultimately led to my diagnosis. Reading just broke for me, and it's been gut wrenching.
This is the first book I have attempted to read or listen to that I am devouring the way I used to devour books, and it is because so much of it is relatable and articulated in a way that resonates. The way you write about your experiences is so similar to how I describe my own, even when describing traits where I present very differently. You understand and recognize the incredible nuance and intersection of autism and other parts of identity and life experience, but you present it in a way that is understandable and relatable. The infinite complexity is acknowledged and embraced without the explanation itself being needlessly complicated.
Unlike every other audio book I have tried, I rarely find myself having to rewind to try to parse something that didn't make sense on first listen, which is filling me with such joy because I have struggled so much to recover my reading ability and while audio books have been somewhat more accessible because my visual challenges aren't an obstacle, it's still been such a source of pain to struggle to understand and process books. It felt like losing something that was a huge part of my life and a major form of emotional self care.
I plan to read the text version once I finish the audio book. The way this has woken up parts of my brain that felt locked away is giving me confidence to try to break into the rest of those walled off areas again. It might sound hyperbolic, but it feels like you fixed part of my brain that I thought might be gone for good. This is the book I needed right now to feel more like myself. It needed to be this topic, something which has been central to every aspect of my life for so long and which I am still trying to understand. It needed to be written this way, with a voice that is clear and direct. It needed to be written by someone who's understanding is personal but also communal, someone who understands the intersections of identity that lead to inequity and hostility for marginalized communities.
I really needed this right now.
Thank you so much.
This is such an immensely lovely comment to receive, I've been sitting with it the last few days not knowing what to say. I'm really glad you've found a way to enjoy and reconnect with reading and that you're feeling empowered to do more.
Over the years I've had long lulls between being able to enjoy any books, video games, or even music at times, and losing an ability to access a type of joy I once considered a big part of me is very tough and deadening. But rediscovering those passions and the ability to take them in and appreciate them is like coming back alive.
(I just had that kind of deadened lull recently with gaming-- because of the medium being associated with my ex, I havent been able to enjoy it the last couple years for myself.
but then i rediscovered the passion of being swept up with a wonderful, thought provoking game on my most recent play thru of disco elysium and fuck, the dora conversation had me really tearing up. and all the conversations about ideology in the game have me feeling passionate about political psychology, a field i studied for years and then abandoned, for the first time in a long, long while.)
Sending you well wishes and hoping that anybody else who is reading this who has been unable to enjoy their passions the past few years finds a way to reignite that spark again soon, too. I think lockdown and the breakdown of regular daily rhythms combined with increased social media usage made it very, very hard for me to gear shift into enjoying challenging art for a *while*, and from what i've seen and heard many people are reporting the same. may it all come back for us.
anyway, yeah, thank you for telling me. im glad my book was able to help get you back on the road to enjoying books. i was very intentional when i was writing it about signposting everything that i was going to say and explaining things both thoroughly and clearly, trusting that the reader could understand and find pleasure in groking all the the scientific work and sociopolitical argumentation so long as it was presented to them in sensible way. i was so fortunate that my editor allowed me to really get into the weeds and parse through the nuances of many topics while also encouraging me to put things plainly and compassionately.
i dont know if my next book is quite up to snuff in this regard yet -- it's really dense, and i seem to have lost some of the ability to slowly break down complex topics sometimes lately, so your message is a necessary reminder to put in that work. if i can't explain something simply, i dont yet understand it, and that means i have some more work to do.
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ashton-ryder · 5 months
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🔥🍑 📙
𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬 ; 𝒓𝒂𝒊𝒏𝒃𝒐𝒘 𝒔𝒆𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒔 … ( 𝒐𝒓𝒂𝒏𝒈𝒆 ) (x)
🔥 — everything’s all aflame! a headcanon about a time in my muses life that felt incredibly chaotic or out of control around them.
tw: dissociation 
Ashton comes from a quieter part of Minnesota and never really lived in a huge city with him more attuned with being in nature. So to have been accepted into NYU for doctorate program and moving there had him facing the urban jungle and he didn’t expect it to feel that overwhelming. The day he arrived, every sudden loud burst of sounds had him on edge and flinching, especially just leaving the marines and the mishaps of his final mission. He remember trying to walk through the crowded streets to get groceries; people shoving, fast walkers glaring, cars honking, ambulances blaring, and Ashton remembered his mind shutting down as if to protect and disconnect him from the bombardment to his mind, dissociating and watching himself try to keep up with the notions of New York life, blurring the noises away, numbing himself from the overstimulation of life, one step forward, and then the next, just get to somewhere quieter, somewhere to think without the chaos. He didn’t know how long had passed. And before he knew it, he stopped dead in the middle of the street, an oncoming car blaring loudly at him and a kind stranger yanking him out of the streets and out of the self preserving state he was in that unknowing could’ve led to his death. It took him a long time to get accustomed to New York, starting with a constant use of headphones and music yet slowly but surely, the city life would grow on him.
🍑 — you’re a peach! a headcanon specifically about a physical aspect of a person they are attracted to.
Physical and sexual attraction was something less familiar to Ashton compared to emotional attraction, he had a hard time grasping for an understanding of it when his friends or bunkmates talk about it. He thought back then that maybe something was broken in him that he couldn't relate, but it rarely bothered him. He had other things to do in life. He had his whole life ahead of him to come back and figure it out again, maybe if he just waited a little more it'll hit him. It never did but Ashton never felt like he was losing out. But if he had to choose a physical aspect that he at least admired, it would be people's eyes, as the saying goes, the eyes are the windows to the soul, you can see one's joy, sadness, fear, unfiltered. What a beautiful aspect of humanity's silent communication.
📙 — in the orange book! for a book, poem or piece of literature that my muse really loves, and why.
The Voyager Record: A Transmission by Anthony Michael Morena
You are getting so far away now. Does your distance mean your irrelevance? How the further away you hurtle from Earth, the less you become about us. You will be about another people, not who we are. Faerie elves exist only to supply meaning to words like "flit" and "folk." This is you to us. A boogeyman encased with stellar dirt with a golden eye that, in ideal conditions, sings.
Ashton remembers finding this fascinating book when it first launched, encapsulating the beauty of The Voyager's Golden Record mission back in the 1970s. He has always been a man of science, of numbers, hard cold facts and calculations of space. He lost a bit of the spark of wonder over the years and his professor recommended to him to reconnect with the human and philosophical aspects of space. We look to space because we are human. We can't forget that.
The Voyagers carry a message from Earth, a phonograph record plated with gold containing 27 songs, 118 images, and greetings in 55 languages meant to summarize all life on our planet for the extraterrestrials who might one day encounter the crafts. This book is the record of that record: a history in fragments exploring how legendary astronomer Carl Sagan and his team attempted to press the entire human race into a single groove.
Often, the book focuses on what’s not on the record. No photo of a naked man and a naked woman. No hip hop. No gay couples. No Grandmaster Flash. Many of the book’s pages contain only one paragraph, or a single word, with each snippet floating in a white space that invites further rumination. Zooming the lens way, way out, the book asks us to consider humanity’s need to nail down our context in the universe.
In effect, it elegantly and soulfully reaches to grasp the vastness of space, human experience, and manifestations of our attempts to matter.
It was a profound book that is still a favorite of Ashton's, and still sits on his book shelf. He takes it out to read every once in a while, every time he feels like he's slipping too far away from humanity.
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lovequinn · 1 year
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annual new years eve post where i ramble about my feelings into the void as if anyone is going to read it
2022 wasn't a perfect year, but it was the year i needed
i keep trying to type this post and end up backspacing it because this one isn't as easy as the last few times i've done one of these. this wasn't the best year of my life, by a long shot. it also wasn't even close to the worst. the most significant? maybe.
the very first thing that happened to me in january was a terrible case of covid (which i had totally avoided until then) that took me an entire month and then some to recover from, and i was pretty sure it would set the tone for how the rest of 2022 went. yet this ended up being the year i moved forward for the first time in a long time. was every step i took the right one? probably not. there are a lot of things i'm not happy with right now. but there are a lot of things i am happy with, and the things i'm not put into perspective what i actually want to do to change them (to an extent lol we are still a little lost out here).
i pushed forward in a career that i enjoy and i'm good at. i admitted that i'm really not in love with new york city the way i always felt i was supposed to be. a lot of the time i actively dislike it here. i did fall in love with los angeles and for the first time in my life stepped into a place and got the overwhelming feeling, for no apparent reason, that it was right (thank you again @laynemorgan for letting me sleep on your futon and eat your food and for helping turn what would have been a terrible weekend into something so much more important to me).
so many posts on here this year were me joking that i had regressed into old fandoms and old embarrassing ships but honestly? it was a big lesson in just reconnecting with things that make me feel joy. i spent a good chunk of years losing what i love in some attempt to be something else and connect with people who were never going to be good for me. finding yellowjackets and feeling that indescribable pull towards a piece of media again, the energy and desire to write and create and be in a community, was like meeting an old friend and realizing "i haven't exactly been the same without you here." jumping (a little manically) back into glee, supercorp, and so many more things that used to be such HUGE parts of my life brought something back that i didn't know i had been missing. and i don't particularly care anymore if that sounds stupid. fuck it.
i gained a lot of self respect this year (new for me!) and really learned what good friendships and good relationships look like, the kind that i deserve to have. i learned a lot about myself, and took steps to not only guard my own peace but make sure i am doing better and doing right by the people around me. i did a lot of things i regret and that i could've thought through better, and i did a lot of things that were overdue and freeing and led to something brighter. i'm working on not giving a shit about what people think about me when they don't even bother to get to know me. to boot, i got comfortable with the nonbinary label and knew i was finally surrounded by the right people when everyone just rolled with it.
i also felt those first butterflies in my stomach for someone new recently that i thought had been dead for a couple of years lmao (reading this back and i definitely meant the butterflies were dead. not the person. i'm not crushing on a corpse. thank you). i don't care if that doesn't go anywhere but like...if you know me well, you know that's big after the last couple of years. so. cool.
and i dyed my hair red this week because i never got to do that as a teenager and i figured why the fuck not. here's to entering the new year with a head the color of wine.
this got really long, these posts aren't usually this much, but i hope my friends (and my mutuals here!!) know i love them and they helped me experience all of this. i would do 2022 again in a heartbeat. the emotional drunk nights out, the video game nights in, the road trips, the concerts, the long days of work, the good, the bad, the annoying.
here's to a cautiously optimistic 2023. ❤️
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sleepydross · 11 months
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Examination: The Faceless | A Modern Decadence, or A Modern Expression of the Mutable Soul? Presenter: Zero (Unit Slash) Slash, former Front Line Robotics Specialist, Currently Hardware Coordinator and Systems Connectivity Specialist for Aiani Xenobiotica.
You can't walk down the street these days without seeing the Faceless afoot. There are many of them, and though they tend to be quiet, and even polite, they often avoid interactions with non-faceless, or at least, keep them to a pleasant, professional minimum.
Some operate for collectives - and many think ALL operate for greater, shadowy collectives. This is a social movement, people cry - and they're RECRUITING! We've seen all of this before, of course, in the echoes of the history of Humanity, the history of Demons, and the history of many others from the many planes.
But are they? Is this a shadowy cabal of strange people concealing their visages for nefarious, or dare I even suggest...
Sexual, fetishistic reasons?
Naturally, the answer is... no. These are all the result of baseless speculation the likes of which has origins in...
Let's be kind to ourselves. We all know precisely where these so called speculations and allegations come from, and we know the voices espousing this rhetoric. I'll spare you all a lengthy and miserable history lesson - though if you find yourself confused, I highly recommend Erga Vala Lara's presentations on 'The Basics Of Not Being An Asshole - The Modern World, and The Wrong Things To Worry About.' I assure you, the title is a bit bracing, but xe's very gentle in person, and even offers a full holo of the presentation if you like that authentic feeling.
But you say... the Faceless are submissive! They try to force everyone into their weird perverse-
Service workers serve. Our world might run on an awful lot more than money now, but supply needs are individual. People still need places to go to get specific, individual objects, supplies, ingredients. There's no one size fits all package for everyone, though may basics packages have been devised and are available for various purposes.
Is it so strange that people who fervently believe in the value of service to others, who desire, on a personal level, to be of help to others... would go into service industries? I think perhaps what is most interesting is how many of the Faceless have volunteered for land reclamation in the previously frigid lands near to the source of the White Frost. Outside of the controlled zones of the planet, things are dangerous - and yet, selflessly, the Faceless volunteer in droves.
Many presume this is to escape the higher scrutiny of the walled cities and fortress installations - and such claims have led to a suppression of acceptance onto reclamation effort teams. This has, in turn, led to statistically lower rates of success, and greater incidence of reclamation failure.
People die, because they choose not to bring strong, capable, devoted people whose most prominent goal in life, whose very belief system, is centered around the joy found in helping others. Now, you're free to not believe me, but the numbers don't lie.
Perhaps numbers aren't your thing, however. So let's get down to brass tacks.
What are the Faceless? Why are they... the way they are?
In the later days of the Reconnection, our end of the gateway now known as one of Earth's seven Ways, was still inaccessible. Time itself was broken in its vicinity, and remained so for two centuries. Trust me when I say we did attempt various access techniques, including experimental temporal dilation machinery. The results were... well... There sure were seventy-one volunteers who very suddenly... defrosted, as it were. Quite the mess, for them most assuredly.
Regardless, it was an age of cybernetic growth. We were losing people, and losing them fast. The biggest things to come from that era were the Mark VI Cyberinterweave, which was, if you don't recall, the first to integrate the neural bridge link, and the first to include headware, allowing active realtime monitoring and so much more.
It was, of course, a disaster - one we still feel the echoes of today in the Maraka Act, and a number of other legislative measures related to extensive requirements for volunteer testing, among other such safety precautions - necessary ones, I might add. The headware failures of that generation arguably took more from us than some of the monsters.
However, with the advent of Human Integrated Neurocode Interpreter Platform, or HINIP, such issues were vastly mitigated, and eventually... eliminated.
Why does this matter?
The Vault of The Vast One cracking open in the Grand Trench, or rather, finishing opening, released mutagenic hell upon us. The storms alone would strip the skin from bones in seconds. No one alive today is going to remember this, but it was for a time, not uncommon to see people with severe caustic damage.
The machines that gave us back the sky came not longer after those storms began, but the protective gear...
I imagine seeing a few people melt will really ramp up the anxiety if you're not in your shroud or mask and gear. The regions that still experience that rain, rarely, often have public caches of the equipment, significant shelters...
What does this have to do with the Faceless?
The first reports of Faceless humans come from this time, as this was when the Way opened, and suddenly, we had envoys from a dozen planes. The Faceless, as a group, was originally quite common in Hell, and as such... well, a number of the envoy were such.
With our cybernetic tech being so rudimentary, even with information sharing efforts underway, the original human Faceless were typically what is, in the community, called 'Simplemasked.'
Simplemasking is, essentially, the usage of a balaclava, sometimes without such, and a standard respiration mask with either a mirrored or otherwise obfuscating faceplate that concealed their features. Such equipment, at that time, was abundant.
So why would they wear these masks if they could not express with them, if they could not integrate them more completely?
Because it's not about the tech. It's about CHOICE.
The Faceless do not feel an overwhelming attachment to their biological features. They simply feel differently than many others, and as such, desired a face that was one they CHOSE, and not one that was forced upon them. Very few have ever consented to be born, certainly no one I know consented to it. Furthermore, no one I know consented to their features.
It leads to a lot of arguments, when this point comes up.
Well none of us get a choice! We just have to live with it!
Sir, I have some devastating news for you.
You simply don't.
Why should anyone have to simply live with it? Why should anyone ever have to? Yet, looking back at Pre-Reconnection documentation, even Pre-Vault, Pre-White-Frost documentation...
The Faceless always walked among us. For most of history, they were forced to hide, or as some rather cruel people... just live with it. Endure a face they didn't choose - and that's at the heart of it all, you see.
Choice. It's not about forcing anyone to do anything. It's not about forcing people to engage in some bizarre fetish. It's not something that marks a person as horribly distrustful. You're forced to do nothing but accept one simple fact - another person's body, and that person's face?
You do not, and never will, control them.
But why is this so important? Why do they have to make it their whole identity?
Why do you make your face, sir in the front row who has been scowling for some time, your whole identity? Why did you put so much work into that perfectly waxed mustache? Why is it you wear eye shadow, sir?
The face is the most prominent feature that a person sees. You greet one another, people try to look at your eyes, or your nose or forehead, but they take in details, they make impressions and judgement.
Sir, you look angry, but let me ask you this...? Do you wear that shadow, care for that mustache, do all that damn work... because perhaps you wish to have control over your visage? Is your nose piercing similar? Your face, right?
What makes a person who chooses to mask any different from you, in that regard?
What if I told you, for the Faceless...
Nothing at all. We are animals, sir, but we are very smart, very clever animals who have done things never thought even possible. We have sent people into space, sir... and we have begun to harvest energy en masse from MAGICALLY stabilized plasma torus generators. We have planted feet on deeply distant worlds, breached the FTL Barrier, and we now reclaim our home.
We are not leashed to flesh and bone, nor the faces, or arms, or legs, or organs we were born with. We can save a man blown in half, sir, and give him back his legs, his genitals. In two years, unless he took his pants off, and even if he did if he had the right cosmetic packages, you'd never know he was blown in half in the first place.
We exist in a time where a mask is a simple beast, and I daresay no more radical than, and nowhere near as invasive as, implanted tissue decorations like the gold stripes along your cheekbones... sir.
You don't look angry anymore.
That's good. For what it's worth, you look very nice.
Yes, I do mean that. Thank you for being a good sport.
Now, we've established what the Faceless are, who they are, and their motivations. We've covered history, technology, and this man's fine mustache. I now have to confess to you something.
He's my neighbor, believe it or not. I'm not going to just randomly go at someone in the audience! That'd be rude! Thank you, Ankor. That's it folks, laugh. It's all been so serious, so far, but now... I think perhaps you understand, a little better.
So now, another confession...
[It is noted in the transcript that at this point, the presenter retrieved a relatively standard Faceless helmet, donning it and sealing it to his neck implants.]
We can just talk. You can just talk to us. We're people, just like you. The only difference is... we choose our faces, entirely, instead of altering individual elements. We don't resent you. We don't judge you.
There's nothing wrong with loving your face, or liking your face. Ask a Faceless.
Ask me.
The face beneath this helmet is rather handsome, if I do say so myself.
It just isn't mine.
Goodnight, folks! Thank you for your time. No more lectures, but there is an open bar in the lobby and a tender who makes a WHIRLWIND of Elax Punch-
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no-face-no-shame · 1 year
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In today's episode of "adult man cries on animated movie":
I love the duality in portrayal of death. Pinocchio was brought to life by Geppetto's grief. They bonded because Geppetto missed the sense in his life after Carlo's death and Pinocchio wanted to be loved too. He didn't manage to replace Carlo - it was an impossible task from the beginning. Him being alive brought Geppetto closer to who Carlo could've been if he didn't die, still the barrier of death couldn't be crossed and at the end of the day Pinocchio was himself - not more, not less. just himself. Death at first parted him and his father (Geppetto still waited and hoped for Carlo to return), but eventually led to them being closer and finding joy in each other.
And then comes the end of the movie. Pinocchio became mortal, still his body didn't age. He witnessed the people he loved die one by one of old age. Was he sad though? No, because he understood what death is and that one day they will all be together again. Geppetto was reconnected with Carlo, they even rested next to each other. Pinocchio will die one day too and then he will join them. Just in his own time - death parted them temporarily, however in the end it will bring them together.
The duality of death is also reflected by the two sisters but that's a topic for a whole another post. Anyway, I believe this is the best take on the story of Pinocchio I've ever seen and I'm glad I decided to watch this movie after seeing some gifs on Tumblr
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fayes-fics · 2 years
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Hi! I have no idea if this is a strange thing so send to someone hence the anon but I just wanted to say thank you!
I had a bit of sexual trauma I was working through which led to me getting in my head and me and my partner hadn’t really been having sex for like a year and a half (😅😅)- I found your fics and I don’t even know what witchcraft but they’ve kinda fixed me????
The way you write all the lovely delicious things that can happen with someone you love has managed to get me out of my own head and in the moment and enjoying this all again as if I’ve discovered it for the first time. I’ve even started writing my own little bits and sending them to my bf!
It’s a lot to put on an internet stranger, I know, but I feel like I’ve found apart of myself that I lost. You’ve probably saved my relationship. Thank you❤️
Nonny
I am… I am truly speechless and just so, well, awed that my writing has been able to do anything as profound as this for anyone.
Firstly, I am so, so sorry you experienced sexual trauma. That must have been awful. While I’m so happy I’ve been able to help, I would encourage you to chat to a therapist about what you’ve experienced, if you have the means or ability to do so.
I am so happy you have been able to reconnect with a side of yourself that was missing. I’m also so happy you have started writing yourself too!
I want to thank you for sending this - It is not a strange thing to send at all. And not putting anything on me as an internet stranger, I promise you. I’ve never gotten any feedback that is even half as powerful as this about anything in my life. To think something I do to entertain myself and others could ever do anything like save a relationship is, well, so humbling and amazing.
I’m SO grateful you reached out. It must’ve taken courage to even write this down and I just want to say I’m in awe of you and what you have done for yourself. If my writing even played a tiny part I’m so unbelievably delighted. I’m actually crying happy tears for you tbh. And I’m crying cos I’m so touched you would take the time and care to tell me about it.
Thank YOU for being the awesome person you are. Please reach out anytime. I love connecting even if on anon. I wish you so much joy and contentment for you as a person and within your relationship.
Again THANK YOU for reaching out.
Much love & light,
🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡 Faye xx
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hlmowrer · 1 day
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Week 55: "O Remember, remember"
You guys, this week was weird.  I'm still kinda trying to collect all my thoughts and make sure I'm remembering all of it, because this bad boy had MANY chapters.
It wasn't a bad week.  We reconnected with two friends we had lost contact with...one is very enthusiastic and wants to be baptized (yay for Dylan!) and the other is less gung ho but we had a really great impromptu Bible study and we were far closer to the same page than we were when we started, so we're making it a weekly thing now!  All of this was a tremendous blessing, because finding new people to teach has become extra difficult lately and we haven't had a lot of success.  Never underestimate the Lord's power to work miracles!
Wednesday I had another exchange with Elder Burrill, one I expect to be the last for a while.  We supported each other as always, and we were so spirit led!  Elder Burrill is amazing at listening to where God wants him to go...we were putzing around in Meijer and he suddenly felt prompted that we needed to go in the direction of the sporting goods...and immediately got distracted looking at the disc golf equipment.  We began to wander off, hoping we hadn't missed our moment when he decided we needed to go back, and 30 seconds later decided that "dang it, we don't need to be here anymore".  We were a bit disappointed, but I made a crack about how perhaps the Lord sent us over here just to delay us, knowing that our juvenile minds would get caught by the discs for just long enough to be in the right spot later.  We went to go find the car, and at exactly the right split second we ran into Austin, a super chill dude that was down to hear a scripture and ended up being pretty interested in the Book of Mormon!  It was such a rad testament to the need to sometimes follow the Spirit without knowing why, and I was pretty proud of myself for correctly guessing what was happening.  Later on our faith was tested again...we were prompted to go into a restaurant, and we found the person we think we were looking for but making our escape without buying any overpriced pizza was a challenge.
Also on Wednesday (now you can see how packed this week was) we had a district council, and I felt inspired to share a message about remembrance.  I've been pondering this a lot lately, and the need to remember is so critical to holding on to your relationship with Christ.  We are taught things in our lives by the Spirit, sometimes through a thought or feeling, or perhaps through an experience.  I know that there have been moments in my life where I felt like I could not be more joyful to be alive/more faithful in Jesus Christ/more loved/more confident.  We ALL are given the experiences we need to be faithful and happy...but how often do we handicap ourselves by forgetting them?  This is why we write things down and say them out loud.  This is why we must consciously choose to keep the joy and the confidence in spiritual things at the forefront of our minds always, because if we never forget we will never falter.  And I feel pretty confident in that being what the Lord wanted me to share, because once again (this happens a lot in the Big Rapids District) every person who shared at that council shared a very similar point despite there being no communication amongst us beforehand.  And then a member of our mission presidency did a missionwide devotional about remembrance two days later...again without knowing about anything we were talking about amongst ourselves.
Saturday we had a really epic opportunity to travel to Western Michigan University in Kalamazoo for an oratorio performance called The Lamb of God.  The Lamb of God is about the ministry and sacrifice of Jesus Christ, and is designed to bring people of different faiths together.  It was written by a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, but each Lamb of God performance is put on by over a hundred people from dozens of Christian denominations.  It was a powerful performance, and as part of a district goal from Elder Burrill I considered what the Lord may want to teach me as I listened.  Remembrance once again filled my mind, and temperance also.  I think the Lord is trying to tell me something.
About half the mission was invited to the performance, so it was also a very fun opportunity to see people I haven't seen for a while.  I really, really have such a great love for these missionaries.  I've been working hard to see people as Christ sees them, and I feel like I'm getting better at it.  I've also never been to Kalamazoo before (it is apparently a real place) so that was neat.
Since then, my life has mostly consisted of taking care of my dear companion...he seems to have gotten something stuck in his intestines, and has been in pretty brutal pain for the last few days.  We're trying to get approved to go see a doctor...pray for us pretty please.
Alright folks, I hope I got it all (I probably didn't, but when do I ever).
I love you all!  (Really!)
<3
-Elder Beren Mowrer
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a-shared-experience · 5 months
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Pile 2 The Obsidian arrow
Say yes
The major arcana in tarot represent big life lessons, karmic influences, and the journey of your soul to enlightenment. This means big things are coming your way. Have no fear, you are travelling on the right path and heading towards blessings. Try to quiet your mind and allow for everything to unfold as fate has planned. Sometimes we don’t have all the answers because some things are better left a surprise. This reading is about closing our old cycles and starting a new. The universe wants you to embrace change and step into the new version of your life. Tens are about endings , fulfillment and with the fool card we boldly step into the unknown and begin.
The wheel of fortune represents Jupiter in Capricorn and Jupiter is known to expand on situations and bring in blessings- I definitely feel something great is about to happen to you.
The wheel is always turning and unfortunately that means there will be times in our lives when things simply don’t go our way. It may be that you are coming out of very trying times where you’ve faced a lot of challenges. Your destiny is to be happy and so it’s time to get ready for your luck to turn. This can bring fortune and abundance in any form, you may reconnect with someone from your past who is currently making really big decisions to let something go in order to experience life and grow with you. This is a significant relationship which has experienced set backs and delays on purpose so that each person could find their inner power and slowly learn to believe in love. It will take time and grow slowly but it will last. It’s important to consider what a blessing is to you, this card urges us to be soul- led and to detach from materialism and dive into our joy. You’ve learned that you have nothing to fear for with every set back you re-emerge stronger than before. Go with the flow, don’t fear the outcome, live for the moment and watch how it builds into something magnificent. You are wise and you’d be wiser to embrace the fool card. Fall head over heels in love, take on new opportunities- don’t let them pass you by, show your feelings, speak your feelings into existence, remain childlike in curiosity with love, pour your whole heart and soul into yourself and your lover. Reconnect together with your inner children, play, get butterflies, giggle, be weird, embrace your creativity and thrive as equals. say yes to your blessings. They are about to arrive.
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ebikess · 8 months
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eBike Adventures in the Caribbean: Embrace Sustainable Exploration in Paradise
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The Caribbean, with its azure waters, pristine beaches, and vibrant culture, has always been a dream destination for travelers seeking a slice of paradise. Now, with the rising popularity of electric bikes, or eBikes, exploring the wonders of the Caribbean has become even more accessible and eco-friendly. Offering a unique blend of adventure, sustainability, and unforgettable experiences, ebike Caribbean tour are revolutionizing the way we travel and connect with this enchanting region.
Unleashing the Power of eBikes
eBikes are rapidly transforming the way people explore the world, and it's no surprise why they are becoming the preferred mode of transportation for Caribbean adventures. With their electric motor assistance, eBikes provide a smooth and effortless ride, allowing travelers to cover more ground without breaking a sweat. Whether you want to conquer hilly terrains, explore scenic coastal routes, or venture into quaint towns, eBikes are the perfect companion for any adventure.
Sustainable Travel with eBikes
As responsible travelers, it's crucial to be mindful of our impact on the environment. Traditional modes of transportation, such as cars and buses, contribute to carbon emissions and pollution. In contrast, eBikes produce zero emissions, making them a sustainable and eco-friendly option for exploring the Caribbean's natural beauty. By opting for eBike tours, travelers can reduce their carbon footprint and actively participate in preserving the fragile ecosystems of these stunning islands.
Discovering Hidden Gems
One of the most significant advantages of eBike tours in the Caribbean is the opportunity to discover hidden gems that are often inaccessible to conventional vehicles. These tours are meticulously designed to take travelers off the beaten path, immersing them in the heart of the islands' landscapes and communities. Pedal through lush rainforests, cruise along serene coastlines, and meander through charming villages, all while connecting with the locals and their authentic way of life.
Tailored Experiences for All
Caribbean eBike tours are incredibly versatile, catering to a wide range of interests and fitness levels. Whether you are an experienced cyclist seeking challenging rides or a leisure traveler looking for a relaxed scenic tour, there's an eBike adventure tailored just for you. Many tour operators offer customizable itineraries, allowing you to craft your dream Caribbean expedition.
The Joy of Slow Travel
In the hustle and bustle of modern life, we often rush through our travels, trying to check off as many destinations as possible. eBike tours encourage a different approach: slow travel. By pedaling through the Caribbean's breathtaking landscapes, you have the opportunity to savor every moment, appreciate the little details, and fully immerse yourself in the local culture. It's a chance to disconnect from the digital world and reconnect with the beauty of the present.
Expert Guidance and Local Insights
eBike tours in the Caribbean are led by experienced guides who possess a wealth of knowledge about the region's history, ecology, and cultural heritage. Their insightful commentary enhances the experience, providing travelers with a deeper understanding of the places they visit. Moreover, these guides often have strong ties to the local communities, facilitating authentic interactions and creating meaningful connections.
Embrace the eBike Caribbean Adventure
Before embarking on an eBike tour in the Caribbean, consider a few essential tips. Dress comfortably, wear appropriate footwear, and don't forget to pack sunscreen, a hat, and a reusable water bottle. Keep in mind that the Caribbean climate can be hot and humid, so staying hydrated is crucial.
In conclusion, eBike tours in the Caribbean offer an unparalleled way to explore this tropical paradise while making a positive impact on the environment. By embracing sustainable exploration, travelers can relish the beauty of the Caribbean's landscapes, connect with its vibrant cultures, and create cherished memories that will last a lifetime. So, hop on an eBike and let the adventures unfold as you pedal your way through this captivating region.
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mugunghwc · 9 months
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unprompted ask / always accepting
@badheart​ said: He sure caught her off guard with that question, as she had never quite thought about it. Overall, she knew him just barely. Just the surface, he showed to everyone else, and only a few traits in front of his few friends.  "I'm his daughter." Still clinging to that term, even if it meant nothing anymore. But usually it implied a deep connection, but they were not even related by blood. "You don't believe me," she huffed. "Why shouldn't he?" Looking almost offended, that Han seemed to imply that Akira was incapable of feeling that, or why was he sounding so doubtful. "I like you. So!" It should be true. Certainly liking something about Han, who also offered to be a possible bridge to reconnect with her stepfather. She still had his number, though nothing made him really reply yet.
 "...you?"  He could stop her, and coming this far, she sure seemed less out to fuck it up this time, but she was also quite mesmerized at this point as she kept staring. If her legs would play along, she would be already all over him. Her face turned into a deep shade of red, when he seriously thanked her. Personally, she could not tell, why she became so flustered over something so simple, but she certainly was weak to any kind of praise. It did not become any easier for her, when he called her cute (despite mentioning her less positive traits the second after). Fang had to cover her face. Come to think of it, she never was this close with someone so weirdly perfect. His choice to tan was probably the only weird choice he did. "Does that mean, you like me then?" She finally managed to lean down, after he had presented himself so nicely. Laying with her cheek flat on his abdomen, while her hand wandered over his chest, before pulling his shirt further aside, possibly opening more buttons in the process, before burying her face into his abdomen. Lips wandering over his hardened crevices, kissing his abs. Honestly, she does not recall ever doing some body worship. But she did not just want to feel but taste them. She actually dared to dip her tongue into his navel, while her hands held onto his hips, below his shirt. Pulling slightly away, with parted lips, some drool ended up right on his abdomen, trickling down. It was not accidental. Flicking her tongue right across the trail it had left. Down to the hem of his pants, while looking up towards him.
     “that doesn’t say anything about your relationship with him... does it?” just as his father was his father by blood, but nothing else. there was not even that between these two, & yet, she seemed to cling to that title despite no longer being a part of her life. if he hadn’t caught her surprise upon hearing that he knew of that man, han would’ve been led to believe that she approached him with that purpose—to indirectly get closer to that man. why was she so insistent over something she wasn’t so sure herself? that was the most confusing part of all this. her response appearing almost childish in nature, as if stating ‘ because i said so ‘. the fact that she liked him wasn’t a testament over having something in common with that man she called her father, but that of her desperation & the search in all the wrong places, if she made a habit of taking such risks for it.
     at this point, there was no more resistance from his part—simply curiously gazing at her & how far she’d go ; how depraved she really was. was sex all she sought for, or did she hope to fill a void that her stepfather had left upon walking away from his marriage? everything pointed at the latter. the effect that he had on her was clear as water ; joy was experienced upon seeing her cheeks gain colour over something so minor. she hadn’t given it a second thought when her hand reached for his crotch, but now the mere thought of having her lips explore his body seemed to overwhelm her. “as i said, i don’t host anymore.” meaning that he did not do this kind of thing with others, making her an exception, just futaba had been. she could make an answer from that, refusing to be straight-forward. he didn’t even know her name, but she was already asking with hope in her eyes if he fancied her. that alone, reflected on her immaturity.
     he remains completely relaxed as she leans down, wondering for a moment if the position was uncomfortable for her, or if it did not mean a thing since she could not feel either way. such thought led to other that were more lecherous in nature—wondering if her body still reacted despite her limitations. was her excitement evident in her underwear? that thought brought a chuckle from him, before focusing on the attention that she gave him. the contact with her tongue only caused his muscles to tense further ; while allowing her to have it her way, dragging her tongue along his torso until it reached his pants. han didn’t give her a verbal response, but a silent command when he gestured down at this crotch. he had given her permission to undo them while he remained with his arms close to his body—curious to see how bold she could be.
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     “you said you have a big appetite, so eat.”
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emmamcgowanhnd2a · 1 year
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Margret Michell
Some Of Her Work -
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To be without a home is not only a tangible experience for an individual but also an emotional one, where the necessity for safety and security accompanies a need to belong. In ‘An Ordinary Eden’, individuals in Scotland offer an insight into the practical and psychosocial impact of past or current homelessness and their search for home and connection.
This long-term project works with people to highlight aspects of their lives and amplify the issues they face. Reflecting not only on the individual’s personal story but also on the wider questions about our society and who we want to be. A society that cares for others in a timely manner or one that ignores, disregards, doesn’t try hard enough.
  “It’s tiring – this is your life, I’m safe now but it’s all limited, I don’t exist anymore”
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Family
1994
The series ‘Family' started from reflecting on the stigmatisation of certain strands of society in the context of the UK political landscape in 1994 and developed into a portrait of a childhood. The photographs feature the daily lives of my sister Andrea and her three children Steven, Kellie and Chick as they navigated their lives in difficult emotional and socio-economic circumstances.
The Raploch (Stirling, Scotland) where they lived, scores high in the Scottish Index of Multiple Deprivation, a measure not only of low income but multiple factors that affect the quality of life such as housing, opportunity and access to resources. Within the area, there was friendship, community, family and support existing alongside social problems that could often, unsurprisingly, overwhelm some lives. Photographing Andrea and her children became about the children’s internal lives, inside their own home and that of their gran’s round the corner, only partially reflecting the beginning of an outside influence.
Within ‘Family’, Andrea existed as a background figure to her children’s daily stories. She fed, clothed, washed within this complex and sometimes imperfect domestic sphere. The children's lives revolved around their involvement and experiences with one another. It is a story of childhood that was happy as well as difficult. The children had an intense bond, a glue between them. They experienced it together, they stuck close. All these photographs can do is share some of their story: their joy, their mutual dependence but also their difficulty, and the disadvantages creeping slowly in. Their home life dynamic could only hint at the multiple influences that were inevitably seeping into the children’s idea of who they were and contributing to and shaping who they were to become.
These photographs offer a small insight into a place and a time and the lives that the children led, lives similar to many other households throughout the UK in these years. An updating project 'In This Place' (2016-7) revisits the family, tracing their lives and offering a broader commentary on environment, opportunity and social inequality.
“(Their mother) fed, clothed, washed within this complex and sometimes imperfect domestic sphere ”
Notes From Talk-
Her work work expresses/ shows awareness of poverty
where her family grew up and ended in the same place
took photos of family reconnecting with them
she documented them from a young age then took photos 10 years again later to contrast
it was eye opening as they were living in the exact same red area of Stirling
she expressed this brought thoughts of maybe people who are born in poverty are automatically burdened and destined for staying in the same runed down area.
she experimented with film + environmental portraits she found photographing people in their natural daily state helped her portray the reality the life subject was living. she would continue this behaviour of observing throughout her project.
Contrast 
to show expectations vs reality she would take a normal photographic posed image keeping the focus on the subject to then she would take one in their surroundings / the environment of what the subject was living in.
studied in Napier uni always focusing on stereotypes identity stigma etc
she documented communities within Mary hill. peoples childhood
she is inspired by children and that period of time teenager to adult as she feels this transition you are still figuring it all out emotions heightened something happens in a phycological way 
she would show contrast in citys a wealthy spot then turning the corner and seeing something the complete opposite
deprivation
she talked about kids from both areas colliding in the same schools as they both live in the same area but but others are still more fortunate than others
when Margret works she explains before the photographing process she likes to really spend the time and make an effort to get involved in other areas and really get ot know the subjects. loves to know who exactly she is photographing 
‘ do we have choices in life or are they already predetimded for us’
Her Advice 
feed back she received and how she handled it - ‘be more positive’ someone said in a gallery showing her reaction was unimpressed as her goal is not to show positivity but to show reality and unfairness of the situations so many are facing. which yes can be very unipositive at times.
as long as you feel your work is respectful of the person then no ones opinion should matter take pride
there will always be one who will disregard it
people always judge as long as you are happy its a lived reality that youve photographed 
always research your work prior
take time to know
always get to know subject
before continuing with anything
Views and Beliefs
society appropriates 
agrees things are worse and have gone backwards
life's gotten more difficult in the last 30 years changing
food banks shouldn't be acceptable 
conclusion 
 she gained a deeper understanding into peoples life's doing this work
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worldecoideas · 1 year
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In the digital age, with smartphones and tablets to hand at all times, we’re constantly connected. But that doesn’t mean we have to give up our personal hobbies and interests in favor of staying connected 24/7. Instead, we can reconnect with the things that bring us joy in the digital age by incorporating them into other aspects of our lives.  Creating a home that feels welcoming and isolated from the world is one way to do this. Incorporating eco-friendly ways to light your home in addition to upgrading fixtures and accessories will also contribute towards creating a more sustainable environment within your abode as well as leaving you with lower energy bills in the long run. Here are some great eco-friendly lighting options for any self-respecting homeowner who wants their space to feel cozy and welcoming at all times: Light your home with natural light Natural light is always the best option for lighting your home. It is an abundant resource and is free to use (other than paying for electricity to power your lights). Keeping your windows clear from obstructions like curtains and blinds will allow the most light to enter your home and let you experience the true colors of your abode. You can go a step further by adding natural lightbulbs to your home. This eco-friendly lighting option uses a halogen bulb that mimics the yellow light emitted by the sun.  Natural light bulbs are perfect if you want a warmer ambiance in your home that feels like you’re basking in the sun. They’re a great option if you want to reduce the amount of electricity you’re using while still maintaining a bright home. Bring the outdoors in Bringing the outdoors inside is a great way to light your home in a more eco-friendly way. You can do so by incorporating plants and greenery into your indoor space. Indoor plants are a great way to add life and color to your home.  They’re also a great source of natural light, with many types of plants emitting light via their leaves. Bringing the outdoors inside also has the added bonus of helping to reduce your carbon footprint. Indoor plants absorb carbon dioxide from the air and release oxygen, making them great for purifying your indoor environment.  Bringing the outdoors in can also be a great way to distract from any busy areas of your home. If you have an open-plan kitchen or living space, bringing the outdoors inside can be a great way to divide the space into separate areas. Incorporate eco-friendly artificial light Artificial lighting, like natural light, is an abundant resource and a free way to light your home. But not all artificial lighting is eco-friendly. Incandescent bulbs, as well as halogen bulbs, are not eco-friendly.  They’re extremely inefficient and use a lot of energy, leading to high bills. Instead, look for bulbs that are eco-friendly. LED lights are a great option as they’re 90% more efficient than incandescent bulbs, use less energy and last longer.  LED lights are a great choice for general lighting in your home as they can be dimmed and come in a variety of colors. Other great eco-friendly options include light-emitting diode (LED) rope lights or solar-powered lights. LED rope lights are a great way to add an extra touch to your décor, while also providing general lighting.  Solar-powered lights are a great way to light up your walkway or patio as they generate their own power and require minimal upkeep. Keep candles burning While candles might not be the best option for general lighting, they’re a great way to provide a more natural ambiance in your home.  Aromatherapy candles can be used to relax and unwind after a long day, while scented candles are a great way to add a natural fragrance to your home.  Using beeswax or soy candles is a more eco-friendly option as they burn longer and are more sustainable than paraffin candles. One of the best things about burning candles in your home is that you don’t have to switch them on or off.  Candles
are a great way to create an ambiance in your home that is disconnected from devices and electronics. You can let them burn throughout the day and night, slowly filling your home with their scent and providing a soft glow. Set up a lamp on a timer By setting up a lamp on a timer, you can ensure that you’re not squandering energy by having it on when you don’t need it. A timer lamp is a great way to do this. Combine a timer lamp with an eco-friendly bulb and you’ll not only be letting in a soft glow that brightens up your home, but you’ll also be saving energy.  Eco-friendly bulbs are designed to last longer and use less energy, so you’re saving money on your electricity bill as well as creating a more sustainable environment. There are a number of low-wattage bulbs available for timer lamps, suitable for general lighting. Install motion-sensor and programmable lights Motion-sensor and programmable lights are a great way to automate your lighting and save you time and energy. By installing a motion sensor and programmable switch in your home, you can set up your lights to come on when you enter a room, as well as shut off when you leave.  This is a great way to make the most of your lighting, only using it when you need it. It’s also a great way to create a safer environment in your home by illuminating potential hazards. Conclusion Lighting is an essential part of any home, and it can be used in many different ways to create different moods and atmospheres. From the traditional incandescent light bulb to modern energy-saving fluorescent bulbs, there are a wide variety of lamps available to suit every application.  When choosing a light fixture, it is important to consider the amount of light needed, the amount of wattage needed, and the type of bulb needed. All lights consume energy, so it is important to select fixtures that offer the most light with the least amount of energy. Choosing energy-efficient lighting can help reduce your energy costs and protect the environment.
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theastrointrovert · 1 year
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Monday October 10, 2022
This is a FREE extended reading. To access all extended readings, click here.
Happy 10/10! Today is a day of planning and gaining back a sense of control over something that once felt as if it was a lost cause. You're gaining back momentum, possibly with something or someone from the past. This is a very auspicious day -- you can expect dreamy, creative bursts and checking things off of your to-do list with lightening speed. Anything that you want to accomplish, but have been putting it off, today is the day to get it done. You have an abundance of energy, even while not getting enough sleep. It's a very high-energy day.
You may notice people wanting to be around you, more than usual. You're emanating a very magical and confident vibe that make others swoon and admire you. They may not say this, but you will notice in how they look at you. You could reconnect with a friend that you haven't spoken to in awhile, or want to all of a sudden call an ex that you miss. The energy is calling for you to rectify past connections, come together to heal even if not physically, so that you can move forward, either with or without them. You're being asked to make a choice between one or the other. The one you choose will be the focus for the next 6 months.
Where you may have held your tongue in the past, or found yourself people pleasing and agreeing with things that you didn't really have interest in doing, you're now speaking up for yourself and choosing to do what makes you happy. There's a realization that difficulties in your life, have come from you choosing what others think is best for you vs. what actually makes you happy. Today, we're being asked to make the flip.
Celebration! You may receive an invitation to dinner or to hang out with a friend, colleague or loved one. Or you may feel led to go somewhere where there are groups of people for the sake of putting yourself out there to meet new people, or network. The idea here is to celebrate small things with people who uplift and bring you joy.
Happy, New Beginnings!
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sceada · 2 years
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Hey there. It's been a few years. You might remember me as Key? I've been thinking about you recently, and I was a little surprised that just punching in 'sceada' as tumblr handle actually worked out. It looks like you've been through a lot since we last talked. I'm sorry it's been so rough. I know you've struggled for a long time, even since before we met. But it's heartwarming seeing you're still here. I'm proud of you, and I hope you can be proud of yourself too. Take care of yourself.
So... first off, I am sorry it took me so long to reply to this. Part of it was due to it being a very busy week, but another part was... well...
Initially, I just didn't know what to say, really. Because when I first read this on saturday night, it left me teary-eyed and touched me deeply. And well... I didn't just want to reply with something short, as this... this deserves a longer reply.
First off... Of course I remember you, Key. How could I forget? You were a dear friend to me, someone who I greatly enjoyed talking with and also hanging out with, and not to mention, you're the one who got me into Ace Attorney among other things. I often catch myself thinking back to those times when we were Staff on PokéFarm, and how our little group felt almost like a small family of sorts.
I know I really only have myself to blame for how I gradually lost contact with everyone once I quit staff and then, during the transition to PFQ, also slowly disappeared from the site. But you can believe me when I say that I've often lamented my failure to stay in touch, and not rarely wondered if I could even manage to reconnect with my old friends anymore.
Granted, some of the reasons that led to this gradual disappearance of mine had to do with everything I went through in the last years, or maybe the last decade rather, but it's no excuse for how I fell off the face of the earth in a sense. I know communication is a two-way street, but that doesn't mean I can just always wait for others to take the first step - a lesson that took me entirely too long to learn, I have to admit.
That said... it really has been a lot, with quite a few things not going my way, to put it kindly. First me breaking up with my first girlfriend and falling out of university, which gradually nurtured an underlying depression that years later, after more interpersonal setbacks and failures, would come to bite me hard, leading me to almost make a terrible mistake.
Then, the long way fighting back from that and the issues it all brought with it, with all these many roadblocks that sprung up, complicating every step of the way until I finally felt somewhat healthy again, and ready to tackle something new, to take proper steps forward.
And then December 2016 happened, with them finding the tumor in my spine, and the then urgent and honestly almost a bit rushed decision to remove as much of it as possible right away. The resulting paralysis after the surgery. The first few days when I couldn't feel anything below my waist and felt utterly miserable. Then the realization that slowly settled in that my life would change harshly. The fear, the uncertainty, the feeling of no longer being any good whatsoever... - I don't want to delve deeper into this. I'm sorry, if this makes you or anyone else reading it uncomfortable.
And then, the rehab. Being away from home and everyone for half a year. Learning to live with a wheelchair and limited mobility. Rediscovering how to find joy in small things, how to just take whatever came and make the best of it. We cannot choose the cards that Life deals us - only how we play them. And fortunately, I had the good luck of doing my rehab at a place that taught me how to play my cards well, and make the most of them.
There's been many more things in between then and now, not to mention our dear friend Corona and how that affected us all, but ever since the rehab, things have been climbing up that big steep hill. Maybe not always with progress, maybe sometimes even with setbacks even, yes. But things did improve in the big picture of it... - and I'm glad I'm still here now.
Nowadays, I can walk again, albeit with a crutch most of the time. I can work in a job that's rarely ever boring, with people who are a delight to work with and have around. I finally got to live with my girlfriend, whom I've been with for a little over 8 years now. Yes, there's still plenty of troubles and issues, some big enough to make you despair. I won't deny that. But all in all... I've come a far away.
And Key, I'm not sure I can even convey just how much it meant to me when I saw your message. When I was allowed to see an old friend reach out to me, and beyond that, even express happiness and pride that I'm still around. I wouldn't have believed it beforehand, but really, this is more than I could have ever asked for. And yes, it's making me teary eyed again right now.
I'm sorry, this is getting very long again... - as you can see, I haven't quite made it past my tendency to ramble on at times and write walls of text. My apologies. But really... I needed to write all of this. And I hope that is okay.
I am proud of what I've achieved, especially in the last five years. Sure, compared to what others my age have achieved, or even many who are younger than me, it isn't all that much. But it's a lot for me, especially given all that happened. I may never become as succesful as I once dreamed or even as well-paid as I hoped to be, but that's alright. I've had steep hills to climb in the last decade, and much to overcome. And I managed to get over most of time. And as you said Key... That is something I should be proud of.
I shouldn't keep this going much longer now though, so let me end with something I hope you'll see, and maybe other old friends one day will as well:
I was very happy to hear from you again, my dear friend. I've missed talking to you, and quite frankly, I'd love to reconnect one of these days. Sadly, as this ask was sent on anon, I have no way to contact you right now, so I can only hope you'll see this one day, but...
If you'd like to talk again, if you'd like to maybe even reconnect, then I'd be more than happy to do so. Currently, the easiest way to reach me is through Discord. Given how original I have been lately, I'm sure the username comes as no surprise to you: Sceada#1085
Feel free to drop me a message or send me a friend request whenever you feel like it. I'd definitely be happy to hear from you again, and maybe even get to talk some more. I've missed you, my friend... And I sincerely hope you are doing well in your life.
So... yeah. Thank you for thinking of me... It means a lot to me. And thank you for having made my day happier with your message.
Patrick/Sceada~
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appleciders · 3 years
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rachel and leah and the water...i’m shortcircuiting
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