#and learn to change herself based on the situation so that nobody was ever worried about her and she was reliable to others

[ianenjoyer]

obsessed with fiona's code switching </3

#she's like 5 different people depending on who's she's with #it's giving young girl raised in an unstable family where she had to constantly look out for other people #and learn to change herself based on the situation so that nobody was ever worried about her and she was reliable to others #sooo true do you wanna kiss? #ian does it too help :( #they're so similar &^%*^(&$

[letarasstuff]

"I don't wanna leave you, Daddy"

(A/N): This was requested by an Anon and it's based on this concept. I hope you are ready for the feels.

Summary: Hotch's daughter is an introvert. A quiet one. But why does she go even quieter after her mother's death?

Warnings: So much hurt. Angst. Fluff. It's bitter sweet.

Wordcount: 2.3k

✨Masterlist✨ _____________________________

(Y/N) never really was an outgoing person. Even since she was able to walk and talk, she still clung to her parents. She refused to play on the playground when other children were there. Socializing was just not her thing. Her parents were sure that she would never be the person to stand up and perform on stage spontaneously. And it is ok.

This doesn’t really change when Jack comes around. Sure, as he grows older and more capable of things (Y/N) plays with him. But it really seems like he is the only one around her age she is not afraid to befriend.

Aaron and Haley reassure themselves that their daughter will find friends in elementary school. After all this is an institution where many children go to and there also are adults trained for helping them coming along. She definitely will find at least one other kid to hang out with regularly and learn how to be a proper child. Because as of right now (Y/N) is more like a little adult, taking responsibilities, like watching over her little brother, she doesn’t need to do voluntarily. Maybe she will be more messy, rebellious, anything but a perfect child.

But this doesn’t exactly happen. (Y/N)’s teachers are really happy with her. Every parent-teacher conference is about how well and polite she is, always behaving good and following the rules. Sadly, they don’t have any good news regarding her social life. It’s not that she doesn’t get along with her classmates, it’s just that she isn’t able to strike up a conversation or is very good at keeping one long enough that a kid is interested in her.

Knowing that (Y/N) is mostly quiet in her school days, Aaron makes it a habit to bring her more often to the office. She surprisingly warms quickly up to his team and whenever she is around them the girl is an unstoppable tornado running loose around the bullpen.

This is kind of how she grows up until the age of middle school. (Y/N) learns some social skills and makes a few friends over the last few years. Unfortunately these friendships are not as deep as the parents wish, still it’s better than nothing.

Things get difficult when Aaron and Haley start to separate. It never is easy when parents fall out of love and it is not only difficult for Jack to see his father not as often as he used to, considering he still is a toddler needing both parents. Especially (Y/N), who is more of a daddy’s girl than a mommy’s girl, suffers from the situation at home.

Of course it’s hard on her to not see her father for a week or two at a time, but ever since her parents are going on parted ways she sees him at most one weekend every three weeks. This also changes her social life dramastically.

“(Y/N), don’t you wanna do something with your friends? You can invite them over for the weekend”, Haley suggests after watching her daughter not going out with somebody outside of school for several days. For the past two weeks the ten year old just comes home, does her homework and puts her nose in one of the books her Uncle Spencer recommended.

The girl only looks up at her mother to shake her head. “Why not, Sweetie? I haven’t seen William and John in so long. Are you still friends with them?” (Y/N) nods again. “So what is it? Are you guys fighting?” Haley sits down next to her on her bed.

“No, they just-just don’t know about this. I don’t want to tell them. And I want to stay home. It’s ok how it is right now”, she admits. Her mother’s heart breaks at that statement.

In this moment she realizes that anything a parent does has immediate consequences for the children. “I’m sorry, Sweetie. I didn’t know this is so hard for you. Maybe you can talk to them over the next few days about it, I think it’ll help you. Do you want to watch a film with me for now? Jack has a sleepover at a friend’s. We can do a girl’s night. We hadn’t had one in a long time.”

(Y/N)’s eyes light up at that. “With all the candy in the world?” Haley smiles at the newfound excitement. “Of course. Anything you want.”

From only seeing Aaron every now and then it suddenly turns to not knowing when she will see him next. After George Foyet ambushes him and makes his family into the next target, (Y/N), her brother and her mother have to go into witness protection.

The goodbye at the hospital is painful and filled with tears. “But Dad, I don’t want to leave you. I’ll miss you too much. I don’t like not seeing you. And what about you? You will be more lonely and-and I can’t leave you”, she confesses, sobbing into him.

Hotch has to hold his own tears back. He doesn’t want to come over as stoic, but as the strong father figure he always tries to be. “Honey, I know I’ll miss you so much. You have to be strong for your mother. This will not be easy and I know it. I promise to do my best to get all of you back as soon as possible, ok? Please be good for your mother and behave. We all need to work together for you to get back fast and safely.”

(Y/N) continues to cry into his hospital gown. Aaron can’t help it and dissolves in tears himself while trying to calm her down. “Shh, Honey. Everything will be fine. I’m so so sorry for all this. I never wanted something like this to happen. Shh, we will see each other real soon. The team and I will do our best. Just please, don’t cry. Please, it all will be better. I can’t let you go without seeing your beautiful laugh for one last time.”

“I don’t wanna leave you, Daddy. I-I wanna stay with you and Uncle Dave and Auntie JJ and Uncle Spencer and Uncle Der and Auntie Penny and Auntie Em. I’m scared you won’t be fine when we come back.”

It’s needless to say that nobody cracked even a smile that day.

Going into witness protection made Haley worry about Jack especially. He is just four years old and she isn’t sure how much he understands about what’s going on. Surprisingly the boy gets accustomed to the situation pretty fast. Of course he misses his father and his people from school, but he is also quick to meet new ones in the town they moved to.

(Y/N) has bigger problems. New school. New kids. New everything.

“Maybe you can see it as a fresh start. Here is nobody you know. You can be whoever you want to be. I can take you shopping and you can try out a new style”, her mother tries to make the situation sound advantageous to her. But the girl dryly answers: “When somebody doesn’t like me how I am now, how will they like an act?”

Sam Kassmeyer regularly reports back to Aaron about his family’s well being. “Jack is thriving. His teachers describe him as a bundle of joy. (Y/N) slowly gets acclimated to the change. Haley told me she started making friends with a girl in their neighborhood. I already ran a background check and the family is clean.”

Hotch lets out a sigh of relief. He turns towards the image on Penelope’s monitor. “Happy fifth birthday, Buddy.”

A few weeks after that it seems like the events overturn each other.

Foyet coming back. Kassmeyer getting tortured. Foyet finding Haley and the children. Them coming back to their house. The call. Working the case with Jack. The gunshot. The fighting noises. Hotch opening the box and hugging both of his children, relieved to see them alive.

The following weeks are difficult for the now smaller family. They mostly consist of watching videos of happy memories and talking about their feelings. Although it’s more like Jack talking about his feelings, (Y/N) went mostly silent ever since their mother’s death. This worries her father more than anything.

Two months have gone by. “Hey Honey, I’m going into the office today. Do you wanna come with me, stay at home or go to school? Anything is fine by me”, he asks her softly, kneeling beside her chair at the table. The girl is munching on her cereal halfheartedly.

“Can I come to the office?” (Y/N) asks in a hoarse voice. It’s actually the first time in four days that Aaron hears her voice. A small smile forms on his face. “Of course, that’s nice. Aunt Penny is asking me after her favorite Hotchner for days on end now. And Uncle Spencer got a stack of books he has for you to read.”

His daughter nods and quickly gets ready. They are soon on their way to Quantico after dropping Jack off at daycare. “How are your classmates? Do you like the new school?” They decided to send (Y/N) to a different school. She couldn’t bear the thought of only being the girl whose Mom died because of a serial killer.

“It’s fine. There are a few girls who are really nice. I think we can be friends. Mo-” She suddenly cuts herself off. Aaron glances over at her. “Continue, Sweetheart. Just tell me what’s on your mind”, he tries to encourage her.

The girl hesitates before following her father’s advice. “Mom would have liked them,” she mumbles. It’s quiet for a few seconds. Hotch is looking for a suitable answer. After all it’s the first time she talked about her mother since her death. “I’m sure of it, Honey. Maybe you can invite them over and I can get to know them. Think about it, no pressure of course.” (Y/N) nods to indicate that she heard him.

Not long later they enter the bullpen. “There she is! My little Hotchner! How you doing, Baby?” Derek asks her and envelopes her into a hug. But she only shrugs her shoulders. This goes on for the rest of the day. Whenever anyone talks to her, the only answer is given by her body language.

Hotch watches helplessly Spencer trying to engage in a conversation with her. His arms and hands are waving around. (Y/N) though just looks at him without being really there mentally. It seems like she is lost in her own thoughts, like it happened so often over the last few months.

“Have you tried talking to her about it?” Dave asks, sitting down on the chair opposite of him. Aaron looks at him funny. “Of course. But (Y/N) is just not ready to talk about Haley and everybody grieves differently. I can’t force her to speak, Dave.”

The older agent leans back in his seat. “I don’t think she needs to talk about her. This probably is too soon. She needs to talk about you. The changes.” After a short pause, in which the other one still doesn’t get the point, Rossi continues. “That little girl just lost her mother. She is scared to lose her father, the one with the high risk job. I think that is enough to talk about.”

This occupies the agent for the remainder of the day. Aaron was so invested in fulfilling both parent roles, that he forgot that he is just a father. The man his children go to when they have a nightmare. The one, who is more lenient than their mother. He can’t be both ones. He can’t be two people in one.

A kid trusts a mother and a father usually. And he can’t be mother and father at once. Hotch has to accept the fact. The fact that (Y/N) and Jack are going to grow up without a mother. But luckily not without mother figures.

Later that day, after tucking Jack in, Aaron knocks on his daughter’s door. A small “Come in!” echoes back to him. He enters her room and spots (Y/N) already in her bed reading a book Spencer gave her today.

“Hey, do you have time before it’s lights out?” He asks, still wanting to give her the upper hand on this. The girl nods and scoots over for her father to take a place. He lays next to her, pulling his daughter into a hug.

“I know I can’t promise it. Coming back to you every time. You know it as much as I do. But I promise you to try anything and everything in the books. You guys keep me going.” Tears roll over both of their faces.

“I-I just”, (Y/N) moves her head onto his chest to sob into it, “Just don’t wanna lose you, too. I-I don’t think I-I can’t be the girl, who doesn’t have a mother AND a father. C-can you stop that from happening?” Hotch has to wipe his eyes before answering.

“I-I try to keep that from happening, Honey. I promise.”

This is how they fall asleep, squished in a twin bed close to each other. In the morning they both are overheated and got a visitor during the night. Jack wakes them up, asking why they had a sleepover without him.

This morning is the first time Aaron sees (Y/N) smiles since day zero.

Taglist:

All works:

@dindjarinsspouse @big-galaxy-chaos

Criminal Minds:

@averyhotchner @mggsprettygirl @herecomesthewriterwitch @ash19871962

#criminal minds #criminal minds fanfiction #x reader #reader insert #fanfiction #aaron hotch fanfiction #aaron hotchner #aaron hotch imagine #aaron hotch x reader #aaron hotch x child!reader #aaron hotch x daughter!reader #aaron hotchner x reader #aaron hotchner x child!reader #aaron hotchner x daughter!reader #x daughter!reader #x child!reader

[daim1812]

One Last Time

Levi Ackerman x Reader

Labels: Romance, angst, drama, mentions of suicide, blood, children involvement, pregnancy and death.

Warning: Some manga spoilers. Change of storyline for adaptive purposes.

Song of choice: Saturn by Sleeping at Last

As the sun went down so did his body, sitting down on the log with a perfect view to a hidden lake between enclosed tall trees. Rising up from the mountain, the moon made its way into the night sky.

Levi couldn’t stop himself to stare at the moon. He couldn’t stop breathing the air, feeling it hit his lungs with small fights. He couldn’t stop from repeating the same images in his head.

His squads death made him realize that death was always near. He knew that no matter how much he ran away from it, it was always going to catch up to him.

Mike’s death shook him slightly. He knew this man for his whole years of being in the Scouts, and consider him someone close to him.

Erwin’s death threw him in a verge of loosing himself, almost to the point of ending things. And yet... he found himself weak to the thought. He couldn’t do it, it was someone else’s job to kill him and end his agony. Even when Hange stood there with him and helped him realize that he wasn’t that alone, her sudden sacrifice pushed him into an unknown feeling.

And so he sat there, amaze by the scenery; amazed by the simple thought that he was still... living.

Without a care in the world, Levi closed his eyes and emerge into the swing of the wind. Hitting him softly on the face and pushing his hair back, he indulge in a new feeling he couldn’t describe before.

He was delighted.

He was enlighten.

Yet, he hated that. Everybody else died, leaving him alone to understand himself and hate himself at the same time. All he wanted was... for them to come back. Since Isabel and Farlan, Levi learned the hard way that life isn’t the way he thought it would be. Kenny’s death was another punch in his face. His mother's death since the beginning made him this solitary person filled with problems.

Levi wasn’t normal.

Two pair of hands took him by surprise, but not enough to act defensive. He already knew this hands.

She pressed her face on Levi’s head, her body slightly pushing to his back. Her hands collared on his neck, embracing him thoroughly to her own content.

“What are you doing, Captain?” Her voice swayed Levi’s ears, the melody in her voice making him subtle and nostalgic.

“I have never stopped myself to watch this place, Captain.” He mumbled, almost too low for her to understand, but she did. Levi felt her jaw tense and knew she was smiling.

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it? This is what we fight for, Levi. For this place, this scenery, for the wind, for the people, for the oceans, for the animals, for us.” She let go of Levi to sit beside him, looking at him.

Levi finally got rid of his bandages, half of his face with a scar that marked a battle in transition; his left eye was hidden over a patch. She wanted so much to contain herself from touching his face once again. One after the other, every time she saw him like this, her hands immediately moved to touch his face. Levi doesn’t care much, but at the beginning he prohibited her to do so.

“Can I...?” The whisper made Levi look down, slowly nodding, not wanting to show her that he needed her to touch him.

Her fingertips rolled on his skin and scars, slowly, and carefully, she continue the path from the chin to his forehead. She stopped the movement once she reached his eye patch, looking at him for confirmation. He didn’t say anything, still staring at the ground in front of him, how the grass moved with the wind.

“I love your eyes, Levi.” She smiled at him, continuing her path, her fingers sinking inside his hair.

He finally let go of a sigh, looking up at her with the most saddest eyes, the color of his eyes slowly fainting by the light of the moon.

“If you die...” He started, stopping her movements. She frowned her eyebrows, looking back at him with fierce.

“Don’t say that. I’m not going to die. I’m not planning on doing so. My plan is to finish this war with Eren and those idiots, and then... we’ll retire in a cabin in the woods. We’ll have lots of kids. I’m still young, I can have at least 7 kids. Don’t you think?” She chuckled, Levi loving so much her action.

When was the last time he felt so affected by the emotions of another person? She had him wrapped on her fingers and yet he couldn’t do anything about that. He didn’t know the feelings he was going through. He didn’t understood what this new emotion was.

Was it really love like the books in the library described?

Was it the love Hange so furiously told him about when they stayed up almost all night drinking with Erwin and Mike?

Was love the past arrangement Erwin had with Nile’s wife?

Or was it that anxious feeling of seeing someone for the first time and noticing how beautiful they were?

He couldn’t decipher anything even if they were together. He was confused with all those emotions flowing into him. From the beginning, in his childhood, he never got to experience love and affection. Farlan and Isabel gave him affection, that friendship, and he learned from that. From Erwin he went through companionship, same with his squad, Hange and Mike. He understood those feelings; he already battled those and lost. Levi knew death, despair, loneliness, sadness; he knew all of those and yet he never once understood love.

She changed those thoughts so easily it scared him.

“You would look so beautiful holding our baby...” Her smile made Levi weak to the knees. How couldn’t he have fallen for her? “My plan is for us to be together until we are old and we decay with time. I want this to be over so we can be happy. What do you think?”

“...” Levi couldn’t say anything. If something he learned from all those years of loneliness and misery, it was to never dream too much. He wanted to live in the present because every time he thought things were alright something ended up wrong.

“Levi?” She looked so worried for him, letting her knees touch the grass in front of Levi.

His hands immediately hold her elbows, not wanting her to get on her knees and get her pants dirty just for him. Yet, she didn’t cared, only pushing away his hands a little bit to not make him feel bad.

“Talk to me, Ackerman.” Her voice soothes him. How many times has he loved hearing her call his name or just say anything in general?

He didn’t wanted to admit it, but having her near him, breathing, laughing, talking, whispering, singing... made him sleep so good for the first time. He finally let go of the worries in her arms and slowly pacified his urges of ending thing. Whenever he could sleep with her, he felt like the world didn’t needed to end just yet. Sleeping with her seemed like the only medicine he needed for days full of regret.

Either way, with those thoughts in his head while he stared down at the girl he profoundly fell for, he couldn’t let himself be like her.

Levi was the opposite of her. Down to earth, cold, and with secrets nobody needed to know. She was an open book, imaginative and lovable. He just didn’t wanted her to feel bad for saying words that could hurt her.

“This is real life, Captain. We are in a fragile situation right now in where we don’t know if tomorrow we will be alive. We live our lives to the fullest imagining that at some point we will stop and notice we fought so hard for our freedom.” Levi’s eyes connects with her, noticing how the light faded a little bit. “I can’t live in a fantasy... not when everything around me is based in reality. You are the one thing,” He stopped for a few seconds, his finger grabbing onto some of her locks. “I can’t loose.”

“You’re in bad luck, Levi, ‘cause I’m going into battle tomorrow and I promise you I will live. I won’t die yet. I can’t leave you alone.” Suddenly she pressed her forehead softly against Levi’s forehead, both of their noses slightly kissing. She closed her eyes and Levi admired her fractions.

He liked her so much.

She was the only reason why he hasn’t indulge into the darkness and end his life right there.

His fingers pressed her locks behind her ear, some of the hair covering his face and hers. She giggled at the humble actions of the man she loved with all her life. He continues to push her hair behind her ears, slowly passing his fingertips on her earlobe.

“Don’t die on me, brat. Keep fighting.” His whisper made her eyes crystallize. She felt the feelings behind those words. He wanted her to continue living even if he didn’t made it through another day.

She shook her head, the hairs from behind her ear falling back on her face as she pulled away from him.

Her hands locked onto his, pressing them on her chest tightly, a little careful of Levi’s bandage hand missing two of his fingers.

“No. Don’t YOU die on me, Levi. I want you to live and fulfill my wish with me. I want you to wake up tomorrow ready to battle and do everything it takes to come back into my arms. Many will die; death is inevitable, yet I’ll be here always. I want you to survive because you deserve to. I know how much you await death. You’ve been waiting for so long to feel it. The grass on your fingers, the blood gushing out of your mouth and the pain. But, Levi, I assure you, nothing is better than living the moment. Nothing will be better than this moment. You and me... finally together. I won’t let you die, Levi. We will have each other’s back. But you will survive even if it means me saving you over and over. I won’t let you fall into a darkness you won’t ever go out. I’ll light up your path every time you see it darken. I’ll keep the light up every time the wind tries to blow it. I’ll be here for you... until death do us apart.” Her eyes quickly tried to gush out the feelings, but the feelings were already dripping down her face.

Levi couldn’t stop himself anymore. He grabbed her cheek, pulled her up a little to be at the same height as him and pushed his lips against hers.

Her lips danced slowly on his, taking almost all the control of the kiss. Even if they were together for so long, Levi didn’t know a lot of things couple usually did. He didn’t know how to kiss, how to compliment, how to touch, how to love. Yet, she didn’t care for those small details. Being near her lover solely made her live happily.

Their lips continued to stick together, Levi wanting so hard to not let go. Maybe he didn’t wanted to let go because he wanted to love the moment like she told him to do; or maybe he felt the need to kiss her one last time just in case something bad happened.

Her hands touched Levi’s cheek, rubbing her fingertips on his cheek. He felt the cold round of tears pressing on his face, sticking them.

Breaking the kiss with a subtle movement, Levi gazed at her up and down, taking a mental picture of his lover for future references. For when the battle came, he could keep calm and fight dedicating his heart.

“Don’t cry, idiot.” He rolled her tear off her face with his right thumb. She nodded quickly, wiping her face with her long sleeve shirt.

“Promise me, Levi... we will fulfill my dream? Just promise me that.” His hand pressing on her cheek, she shoved it even closer to her.

He couldn’t promise that. He just couldn’t. Levi didn’t know if he was going to survive. The situation was getting dangerous and if everything went south, he would have to sacrifice himself to save the others. He needed to give them a future, Levi already fought enough, lived enough.

But now he had her... Now he was supposed to live to keep her by his side. He needed to survive. Yet, he just couldn’t say that to her. He wasn’t very good with words. Showing actions and taking actions was his forte.

The moon shined on them once again, the lighting in his eyes finally shinning again, the back of her head being lightened by the moon as well.

He wanted to live for her.

“I promise.” He mumbled, watching her shriek and throw herself on him, almost pushing both of them back into the ground.

She flowered him with kisses all over his face, being extremely careful of his eye and scar.

“I love you, Levi. Thank you. I’ll keep you safe.” Those words brought him so much joy. An emotion he hasn’t felt at all in his life, yet he was purely in love with this woman and he was going to make her happy.

“Me too, Captain.”

————————————

“Papa, papa, papa!” A little kid, around 6 years old with short dark hair and beautiful grey eyes threw himself at Levi. He catches him almost in midair and makes him sit on his arm and waist.

“What is it, Teo? I’ve told you to not interrupt me while I’m working.” The little kid shrugs his shoulders and purposely hides his face on Levi’s chest.

Levi noticed by the corner of his eye the little girl standing near the door, half of her face looking at him and the kid.

“Alora doesn’t want to play with me and I feel lonely.” His voice makes Levi tremble gently. Who would have thought that the Captain of the Survey Corps was going to be swayed by the adorable side of his older child?

“Alora, come here.” He turns around to the door, the little girl holding onto a dark teddy bear that hanged on her right hand and kept being swept on the floor.

She walked in with her face looking down on the floor. Alora couldn’t lie about it, she was almost scared of her father. He was always so quiet and cold; while she was the opposite. She was curious, a shining sun wherever she went, and a beautiful, intelligent little girl. With only 4 years old she already knew how to do basic math (something her mother continuously felt proud of and mentioned every time).

Levi looked down on her and gently squatted down with Teo on his arms, leading him to stand up on the floor.

Pressing his hand on Alora’s black, long soft hair that fell until her lower back and was tightly put in a ponytail, he smiled at her. Alora looked at her father and smiled back, loving those moments with him.

“Alora, would you like to play with your brother for a little while? Papa has some work to do, but once I’m done I’ll play with both of you. Anything that you want, I’ll play it.” He kept smiling, watching the kids as they celebrated that their dad was finally going to give them some attention. “Go play, kids.”

The kids rushed through the door, running into their rooms to play and have fun with each other.

Letting out a small sigh, Levi got up and sat down on his chair again. He still couldn’t believe he was a father of two children that made his life a whole heaven and a living hell as well.

A knock on the door caught him slightly by surprise, turning his attention towards now the person standing at the door.

He stared up and down at his wife, and how the dress made her look so irresistibly gorgeous.

She smiled at him and entered the room without invitation. Holding on her back for support, or for pain, she finally stood next to him. A hand pressed on Levi’s left shoulder, making Levi close his eyes and sigh again, loving so much her touch.

“You must be exhausted, Levi. Are you sure you can’t just finish this later? I could really use a massage, you know.” She leaned down a little bit, rubbing her nose on his cheek and ear.

“I have to finish today. I’ll be done soon.” Sighing once again, he let go of his desire to stop working and just let her shower him in affection and love.

“You’re so tense, dear.” Her hands touched his shoulders and made pressure on her hands to make him feel at ease. Levi’s head fell back a little bit, seeing his wife enjoying giving him all the love and attention he needed.

“Go do something else, brat. You’re always trying to make me feel good. I’m fine.” Levi pushed his body upwards, breaking the contact of her hands on his shoulders. She chuckled, understanding that Levi didn’t wanted to feel vulnerable at the state of tension he was in.

“Alright, Captain.” She makes the old salute, making Levi tremble at the sight. Even so, she continues to smile, leaning down on him to kiss him on the lips real quick.

“Tsk... idiot.” As soon as he said that, his body lay back at the chair, resting himself on it as he watched his wife walk away with a smile.

As soon as he heard his wife say dinner was ready, his body immediately got up and walked to the living room, seeing how the kids ran to the table. Getting from behind Alora, he helped her get on the chair. Giving her a short smile, Levi sat down at his respective chair, not having any other option than watching his wife put the plates and utensils at the table.

Levi always loved watching his wife do housework. He was a clean freak, and noticing how she always tried her best to keep everything tidy up and clean, made him love her even more. It wasn’t rude or anything, Levi helped a lot in the chores, helping whenever he wasn’t doing his own work.

“You’re slacking off, Levi.” She smiled, putting down the utensils next to his plate. He looked up at her, and her eyes shined to him. God, he could loose himself with just a stare.

“I’m tired.” He said with a sigh, resting on the chair.

“You could finish up quickly, papa.” Teo’s small voice makes Levi smile. His ear rings to that voice and he just enjoy his son’s voice.

“Yes, papa. You have to play with us.” Alora smiles while her mother pours some food on her plate.

“I know, kids.” His wife presses her thumbs to Levi’s nape, slowly rubbing it.

“Papa will be busy, but I’m sure he’ll take some time to play with you, kids. Right, darling?” Levi lets his neck fall back a little bit and looks up at her staring into his eyes. A faint blush covers his cheeks and he tries his best to hide it, yet she already notices.

“Yeah.” Mumbles, staring down at the food that was being served.

After they finished eating, Levi went back to his studio, trying as fast as he could to finish his work.

With a loud sigh, he finally finished doing all the things he had to do. He got up the chair, stretched his back and walked over to the room in where the kids were playing.

Standing on the entrance of the room, Levi let his back touch the wall and just decided to stare for a little bit at the kids giggling and playing.

He never had a childhood like that. All he knew while growing up was self defense. He knew how to stab, how to kill, how to defend himself. Levi didn’t know what other feelings were. The emotions he was feeling right now while watching his daughter show him her doll and his son the little train he got for his birthday, he didn’t know what that was called.

Knowing well enough how to battle an enemy, Levi never thought he would have to be fighting himself over and over in the future. He thought, maybe, after marrying her and starting a new life he would stop all those thoughts. And he did stop those thoughts. The birth of Teo brought into his life a whole new meaning that he didn’t know he needed so much.

Levi found love.

“Papa, papa! Come! Play with us.” The little girl’s voice shook him out of his thoughts. Looking up and down at her, he smiled, walking over to them and joining their small party.

Levi tucked both kids into bed. He wore them out enough for them to be knocked down cold into a huge sleep. Sliding the blanket over Teo and Alora, Levi kissed their small little forehead. If Erwin saw him right now he would have been surprised at the sight of weakness Levi was showing. “What would he say about this?”, Levi thought while staring down at the little girl holding tight her small bear. Nevertheless, Levi didn’t care. All he cared about were those kids and his wife. Erwin was long gone and he knew that if he saw that, Erwin would have been so proud of him. Levi found exactly what Erwin wanted for him, and what he wanted as well. No thoughts would change his mind on what his ex-Commander and best friend would have thought in that situation. Erwin would have been happy.

Turning off the light, Levi closed the door to the room and walked over to the room he shared with his wife.

And there she was, looking over at the door in wait for her husband. She smiled, opening her arms so she could get Levi next to her.

“Tsk. You’re a needy brat.” He crossed his arms, but still walked up to her. She grabs his hand and detangle them from his chest. Bringing him close to her, making him sit down on the bed, she gently pressed his hand on her belly.

Levi felt a knock, a kick, that startled him a lot. A life was in there. His next child was there. Levi finally understood that feeling. He felt it when Teo came the first time and when Alora also came. The feeling of being alive.

“It keeps kicking. It’s so funny.” She whispers near Levi’s shoulder, letting her head fall on his shoulder.

“He wants to kill you. I’ll kill him if he comes out like the other two. Disorganized and dirty.” His comment makes her laugh and Levi has no other option than to enjoy it. He wanted to record that in his mind forever. Her voice and her laugh.

“You silly... They are only like that because you let them be. I remember when I was a Captain and every time I saw you, you were scolding the cadets for leaving dirt everywhere.” She makes him remember, and he just snickers. He really was a strict Captain. And still, he always got the job done.

“I lived so long in dirty and dark places... I didn’t wanted HQ to be the same.” After he finishes talking, he feels another kick, letting go of a small smile.

“The HQ was bland. It was colorless. It reek of death and broken dreams. I didn’t like that so much.” She closes her eyes and rubs Levi’s hand over her belly.

“We didn’t have time to be thinking of colors. We were always living in a die or live situation.” She nods on his shoulder.

“I agree.”

“We should head to bed.” Levi mumbles again, not wanting to take his hand away from her belly or the warmth of her hand on his.

“Mhmm... let’s stay like this for a little while more. I missed your scent.” Her whisper makes Levi shiver, yet he only lets a small grunt come out of his throat, responding to her.

The small shallow breaths she was taking, the thumb rubbing on his hand, her hair falling on his shoulder and her thighs pressing on him made Levi so renewed. At the end of the day, all the tiredness faded away when she was there with him.

He knew she had her eyes closed, she was just resting on his shoulder. Yet, he wanted to look at her, kiss her, hold her, do everything he could think of even if she had a belly growing up. She has done so much for him and continues to do so by loving him every single day of their lives.

Levi slowly pulled his hand away from her belly and her, but now press it on her cheek. She opened her eyes and leaned back from his shoulder, now staring at him with bags under her eyes.

She was fucking stunning even when she was tired.

Letting his fingers roam from her cheek to her ear, pushing the hair to the back of her neck and ear; Levi cut the distance between each other and kisses her. Slowly, shaking and almost afraid of being too aggressive even if he wasn’t. Her hand found Levi’s shirt and gripped it. He pressed his other hand on her cheek and hold her face steady for him to kiss her better. Licking on her lip slowly, he went back and devoured her lips once again, showing off his dominating side.

Hearing her small moan, he let go of her. Staring deeply into her eyes, the small faint blush on her cheeks made him smirk. He loved making her flustered.

Slowly, but surely, Levi pressed his nose against her nose and gave her a lovely Eskimo kiss.

“I love you, Captain.” She said first, leaving him speechless once again like always.

He stared at her up and down, watching her completely. She always had this effect on him. Not for nothing they were married. Even so, Levi couldn’t be so easily frank like her. He loved her, but saying it was so difficult for him. Yet, when seeing her eyes shine the same way it did when they kissed for the first time, Levi couldn’t let her be disappointed on himself. He loved this woman with all of his life.

The woman who saved his life.

“I love you, too, (Y/N).”

————————————

“I’M NOT LEAVING HIM BEHIND, JEAN!!!!” The small faint voices of a girl during a silent world, were being simply shouted against the noise.

“We have to leave. We need to help Armin and Mikasa. If you stay here, we’ll be loosing you too, Captain. Please, reason with me here. We already lost Connie and Reiner is seriously injured. We need you.” Jean tried his best to reason with the girl who fearlessly continued to cry and shout at the tall man.

“NO!!! I CAN’T LEAVE HIM!!” She cries out, her tears falling in Jean’s arms and onto the floor.

“I understand, Captain. But Captain Levi wouldn’t want you to stay here and do nothing. We must continue to fulfill his wish and save the world. Please...” He couldn’t hold her anymore. She kept screaming while trying to push Jean away so she could hold her lover’s body on her arms. “CAPTAIN, GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER!!”

He let go of her and she fell on her knees, scrapping them against the rocks and sand. Yet, it didn’t hurt. Her body was numb to the exterior damage. She just couldn’t react to any of that. All she could do was cry and cry and keep crying.

Her body crawled closed to her lover’s body and she grabbed his bloody hand.

When did that happened? How did it happened? Where was she? How did she let that happen?

She kept questioning herself over and over again into the smallest details. Levi’s death was upon her and she couldn’t help but blame herself.

Levi’s soulless body was laying on the ground, his left arm missing and his left leg. He was not coming back from this one and she knew it. After everything she promised. After everything she tried to do to keep him safe, she failed every and each of those promises.

“Wake up, Levi... Yo-You... you promised... You pro-promised we were going to live. You promised ME you were going to live. You promised, you promised, you promised... YOU PROMISED!!!” Her shouts could be heard all over the quiet ambient. Jean let some tears fall down as well, his head falling forward to not be seen weak.

She grabbed Levi’s body and got him close to her, pushing his face near her and sobbing. Tears falling down on Levi’s face, almost washing away the dirt and the blood. She just couldn’t believe that was happening. Levi was actually dead, his body resting on her arms.

“You promised... we were going to have kids... and live happy in a little house on the woods! We were going to raise our children the way they never raised us. Please... please... Levi, please, I love you. Don’t go... don’t leave me!”

The sound of her sobbing suddenly were muffled by extremely loud crashing sounds.

Jean looked over to where the sound came and his eyes became plates. He quickly grabbed her arm and pulled her forcefully, making her shriek and cry harder.

“Captain, Armin is in trouble. We need you. I know it hurts. I know you and Levi had dreams. But right now, if you don’t stand and get your shit together, everything that Captain Levi fought for will be for nothing! DEDICATE YOUR HEART!” Her red face and covered with tears, dust and blood suddenly came to a halt.

Levi wouldn’t wanted her to be like this and not in that moment. She gazed at Levi’s body on the floor one last time, got closed to it, kneeled down and after crying out her last tears, she gave him a farewell kiss.

She wiped her tears off and got up, her face drastically changing to pure anger.

“Let’s save humanity, Jean. DEDICATE YOUR HEART, SOLDIER!!”

The End

Thank you so much for reading.

Have a good day or night, darling. 🥰

#levi x reader #levi ackerman #levi x y/n #levi angst #levi attack on titan #attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #levi romance #couple #blood and death #levi death #self insert #levi x reader fluff #levi x reader angst

[talatomaz]

kidnapped | hailey upton x fem!reader

a/n: of course, I have to make everything angsty since hurt-comfort is my fave genre 😁

this is based off 5x16 (chicago med) but instead of nat being kidnapped, it’s the reader.

requested by anon: “a hailey upton x female reader. where the reader works at 51 or med and both hailey and the reader have hidden their relationship from everyone.”

warnings: mentions of blood/guns. kidnapping (past and present). sexual references

word count: 2.4k

masterlist | navigation | request rules

after reader gets kidnapped by a murderer, hailey finds herself losing her mind because, though nobody else knows, her and reader have been in a relationship for almost a year and she is the love of her life

i do not give you permission to repost or translate my fics on any platform - likes/reblogs are okay and are much appreciated

“Okay, I’m at work now. Have a great day, love.”

“You too, baby. Bye.”

You smiled as your girlfriend disconnected the call.

You had been dating Hailey for just under a year and you couldn’t help but be a bit pleased that the two of you had managed to keep it a secret this long.

With you working in Chicago Med and Hailey working in Intelligence, there was a lot of overlap with your work and considering you all spent your free time at Molly’s, it was a surprise that no one knew of your relationship.

You’d met Hailey almost two years ago. She had brought in a young teenager who’d been a victim of a home invasion - her parents had been brutally murdered leaving her as the sole survivor.

Hailey had remained by her side the entire time and you couldn’t help but appreciate that. Many detectives tended to just leave the injured with you or your fellow colleagues and then go off to work their respective cases.

Not that there was anything wrong with that, mind you. But there was something about the way that Hailey cared for this child that had just captivated your heart.

And since that day, you’d found yourself pining, for lack of a better word, over the blonde. But what you hadn’t realised was that she had felt the exact same way about you.

For several months, the two of you found yourself dancing around your feelings, both on the precipice of revealing your feelings before relenting at the last second. It was only until Ruzek had hit on you one night at Molly’s that had Hailey finally revealing how she felt about you.

You remembered how she stood there, cheeks red from the cold, eyes full of jealousy and black with lust. Suffice it to say, you couldn’t help but mentally thank Adam for unwittingly hitting on you because it had allowed you to finally be with the detective. And almost a year down the line, you were stronger than ever.

“Morning, Dr L/N!”

Blinking, you gathered your thoughts and turned to see Dr Marcel walking towards you. Furrowing your brows, you spoke, “Didn’t your shift start an hour ago?”

“Forgot my badge in my car. I should superglue it to my forehead.”

Returning his laugh, you spoke, “Think a stapler might work better.”

As you were about to walk away, your head whipped around to face a man running up the two of you. You immediately noticed the blood staining his hands and before you could speak, his voice came out in a frantic and rapid pants. Partly because he was running but mostly, you assumed, because of fear.

“Help! My wife. She’s in labour. She’s bleeding real bad.”

Glancing over at Crockett, you saw that his expression mirrored yours and, without hesitation, the two of you ran after the man, following him to his car to help his wife.

You were shocked, however, when upon approaching the van, you saw a man lay bleeding on the floor. His hand raised, a gun in his palm. Though it was winter, the sun still beamed and the light glistened off the metal, threatening to blind you.

“Give me your phones and get in.” The man, who’d come running up to you just moments before, said harshly.

“You don’t have to do this.” You said calmly, obeying his orders.

You weren’t sure how your voice came out so steady when it felt like your heart was beating out of your chest, the lump in your throat threatening to choke you before his gun would surely kill you.

“I’m the surgeon, alright. Let her go.”

Crockett’s attempts to reason with the two men were futile as they shouted for the two of you to get in.

Holding your breath, you willed yourself to calm down, needing to believe that Hailey would soon be looking for you.

God, please let Hailey find you.

                ✧── ･ ｡ﾟ★: *.✦ .* :★. ───✧

“Get up.”

Turning to look behind you, the man, who’d tricked you this morning, opened the van doors and you fought to hide a shiver as the cold Chicago air blasted through you.

You looked over at Marcel who tried to sit up as best he could, “I’m the surgeon. Let me go. I know what to get.”

“Cuff him. Do it.”

Catching the set of handcuffs that had been thrown in your face, you followed the man’s orders and, with a solemn look, you cuffed your friend to the bar above his head.

“Come on.”

You bit your tongue to prevent a curse leaving your lips as the man, what could only be described as, yanked you out of the van and held you tight to his side.

“Make any stupid moves and you and your friend both die.”

After picking up some supplies, you approached the checkout and silently pleaded at the cashier with your eyes, wishing that he could see the panic in your eyes and alarm someone to your predicament.

When it became obvious that that wasn’t going to happen, you began to lose hope before catching a glimpse of a security camera in the corner of your eye. Glancing up at your kidnapper, you saw he was preoccupied with paying, giving you a brief moment of reprieve to remove your hospital badge, letting it fall to the marble ground.

“Come on, sweetheart. Let’s go.” The man said, feigning a nurturing tone as he spoke to you through clenched teeth.

You winced at his harsh grip and followed him back to the van where you helped Marcel perform surgery to repair the bullet wound in the man’s leg, whom you assumed to be the brother of the driver.

Hailey frowned as she looked at the text she had sent you a few hours earlier; the one tick indicating that you hadn’t read it yet.

Where were you?

She tried to reason with herself, believing that maybe you were busy in the ER but she couldn’t shake the feeling that something bad had happened.

And Jay and Voight’s secrecy only seemed to add to her panic.

For the past few hours, her partner had been leaving the district and then coming back with a schooled look on his face that Hailey knew he used to conceal his worry.

And it didn’t help that whenever his phone rang, he left to privately answer it and immediately went to Voight’s office, closing the door which people only did in serious situations.

When Jay left Voight’s office, Hailey got up from her chair and grabbed Jay’s arm, dragging him into the dingy break room.

“What’s going on?”

“What?” Halstead crossed his arms, his attempts to feign confusion failing miserably.

“Never play poker, Jay. What’s going on?” Hailey repeated.

Jay sighed, “Dr L/N and Marcel have been kidnapped.”

The blood drained from Hailey’s face as she grew visibly pale. Trying to keep her voice as steady as she could, she spoke, “What?”

“Maggie found their phones in the car park. There was blood on them and we lifted a partial print and matched it to Tyler Clemons. A convicted murderer.”

Hailey leaned against the table when she felt her knees buckle beneath her.

Halstead stared at her in concern but before he could question it, his phone rang.

Hailey watched silently as he hummed in response to the other person on the line. When he disconnected, he looked at the blonde, his eyes filled with unbridled relief.

“I think we’ve found them. Gear up. I’ll tell Voight.”

Without hesitation, Hailey immediately rushed out the door and ran downstairs to get ready.

                ✧── ･ ｡ﾟ★: *.✦ .* :★. ───✧

“This is Detective Jay Halstead with the Chicago Police Department.”

Your shoulders slumped in relief as you heard your friend’s voice be projected through, what you assumed was, a megaphone.

The two men had taken you to their mother’s home where you gained clarity on the reasoning for their actions.

The injured man, who you learned was called Tyler, had a young son diagnosed with terminal brain cancer. Unfortunately, there wasn’t anything you or Marcel could do, and instead, you’d been forced to restrain yourself to the wooden chairs you were currently sitting on.

You listened as Halstead announced that the house was surrounded, hoping that Hailey was outside but simultaneously wishing that she wasn’t in fear of it going sideways - you didn’t want her to see your dead body.

“Here. Uncuff her.”

You held your breath as Tyler threw the keys at Crockett, not wanting to say a word in case he ended up changing his mind.

After he freed you, you rubbed your wrists, slightly wincing at the red marks that had risen on your tanned skin. Then you began to protest when Tyler made it obvious that he was only letting you go but after some persuasion from your friend, you reluctantly left Crockett in the house.

Opening the front door to the suburban home, you felt another wave of cold air run through you and you raised your hands in a surrendering gesture.

“Patrol, stand down. Friendly coming out.” Jay had yelled and then you found yourself being hurried behind shields to where Jay stood.

And Hailey.

The moment you laid eyes on the blonde, you fell into her arms as she held you fiercely against her.

Her arms wrapped tightly around you before she pulled you back. Her eyes roamed over you, trying to look for any injuries.

“I’m okay.” You whispered, your hands on hers.

Her eyes filled with tears as she tugged you back towards her and kissed you. The kiss was passionate, laced with the ferocity that often came with almost losing someone you love.

Pulling away once more, you rested your forehead against hers and breathed out, your breath coming out in harsh pants.

“I think the cat’s out of the bag now.”

You laughed dryly as you glanced up, noticing Halstead, Maggie, Natalie and April staring at you both with wide eyes.

“I don’t care.”

And you could tell she truly didn’t when she kissed you again, more tender this time.

“God, I thought I’d lost you. I was so worried.”

“I’m okay, baby. I’m right here.”

You reassured your girlfriend as you embraced her once more, wanting nothing more than to feel her bare skin on yours, devoid of the winter clothing she was currently wearing.

“I love you so much, y/n. I never want to be without you again.” Hailey whispered harshly, gently rocking you in her arms, her hand cradling your head against her chest.

                ✧── ･ ｡ﾟ★: *.✦ .* :★. ───✧

“I’m glad to see you’re okay, y/n.”

“Thanks, Kev.”

Almost everyone had gathered at Molly’s despite it being past midnight. You’d all collectively decided that, after the day you’d had, you needed a drink. Marcel had stayed for a while and you thanked him for looking after you whilst you were taken. Hailey also expressed her gratitude to the surgeon which he accepted graciously before deciding to turn in for the night.

You were currently sitting in a booth, cuddled up against Hailey, her arm wrapped comfortably around your waist.

Since the house, she hadn’t left your side once, not when you were getting checked out by the paramedics nor when you were giving your statement to the police.

And whilst being by your side, she also never let her hands leave you. Whether it be a hand on yours or her arm around your waist, she was never not touching you.

To be truthful, you were grateful because her touch grounded you and made you feel safe in a situation where your sense of security had been shattered.

“That was a smart move, dropping your badge on the gas station’s floor.” Halstead commented, sipping his beer.

“Did what I had to do. Speaking of which, Maggie, I’m gonna need that back so I can go to work tomorrow.”

Just as Maggie was about to hand the badge over to you, she snatched it out of your reach.

“Um, I don’t think so. You are taking a few days off, at the minimum.”

You raised your brows, challenging her when she spoke again.

“L/N, if I see you in my ER tomorrow, I’m gonna cuff you to your bed.” Maggie said, making everyone else around you laugh.

“Hey, if anyone’s cuffing y/n to the bed, it’s gonna be me.”

You blushed profusely at Hailey’s comment, the redness of your cheeks contrasting with your tanned skin.

“Kinky.” Jay commented before abruptly closing his mouth when Hailey stared at him.

“Now, how the hell did you manage to keep this a secret for a year?”

“Yeah, aren’t you supposed to be detectives?” Natalie joked, looking at Burgess, Atwater and Halstead.

“Guess we’re just great at keeping secrets. And it became kinda fun, I guess.” You shrugged, glancing up into Hailey’s eyes and she smiled at you.

“Yeah, it became like a game to us. To see how long we could keep it secret.”

“Probably could have kept it secret much longer if you hadn’t kissed me like that.” You chuckled, planting a soft kiss on Hailey’s lips when she playfully frowned.

“Says the one who got kidnapped.”

“Hey, it’s not my fault I got kidnapped again.”

“Again?!”

Everyone except Hailey stilled as they all stared at you.

“It’s a long story.” You stated.

It wasn’t that difficult to talk about now but it still left you uncomfortable and you wished you could will the words back into your mouth.

Sensing your discomfort, Hailey answered for you.

“A story for another day. Come on, let’s get you home.”

Nodding, you stood up and hugged your friends goodbye and then left the bar, your hand clutched tightly in Hailey’s.

“Are you okay?” She leant down slightly to kiss your cheek and then whispered in your ear.

Not wanting to lie but not able to find the right words either, you ended up shrugging instead. At that, Hailey brought your joined hands up to her lips where she gently placed a kiss on yours.

“I’m here for you, baby. Tonight and every other night.” Hailey said, alluding to the bad memories that would surely plague your sleep.

Since being with Hailey, the night terrors you’d once had about your past had become more infrequent.

Though, you were sure you wouldn’t be able to sleep tonight. The trauma of almost dying coupled with your previous abduction would ensure your lack of sleep.

But you would have Hailey next to you, so it wasn’t that much of a bother.

You may not feel safe in the world but you did feel safe in her arms and that was enough for you.

#chicago pd #chicago pd x reader #one chicago #one chicago x reader #chicago med #chicago med x reader #hailey upton #hailey upton imagine #hailey upton x reader #jay halstead #jay halstead x reader #hank voight #hank voight x reader #crockett marcel #crockett marcel x reader #natalie manning #natalie manning x reader #april sexton #adam ruzek #adam ruzek x reader #kim burgess #kim burgess x reader #kevin atwater #kevin atwater x reader #intelligence x reader #c: hailey upton #s: mine #c: kidnapped

[vs-redemption]

hii! i swear i read your request rules but i’m still worried this doesn’t follow them. anyway i figured i’d ask and you can obviously decline ahahah. i just read Gray and it’s so well written and makes my heart shiver and i wanted to ask if you’d write a part 2 or a one shot/scenario of having levi as a soulmate in the same eye color soulmate au as Gray? thank you !! :) (^･ｪ･^)

From Cindy: I apologize for taking so long to get to this! It took me a while to get an idea I liked, and then I had trouble getting into the mindset to write it. Inspiration finally struck though, and this is the result! I hope you like it!

Soulmates (Levi x GN!Reader)

Based on the same AU as Gray (Levi x Gn!Reader)

⚠️angst and hints of sex work (Levi’s Mom)⚠️

Levi loved safety

Being born in an extremely run down and sketchy part of the city was one of the worst fates a person could experience. Ever since Levi could remember, he’d been burdened with warnings from his mother who had learned most lessons about living amongst the dregs of society the hard way. He never stepped a foot outside their tiny one room home without hearing her voice expressing concerns about who he talked to, which streets he went down, how late he stayed out, and which shops he visited. There was danger everywhere and no one to protect him.

“Levi, stay close to me,” the woman would say to him when he was younger. Even going out in the middle of the day was a risk for them because his mother had a reputation. In order to feed him and keep the roof over his head, she’d reduced herself to a line of work that garnered an uncomfortable amount of negative attention. In a world ruled by the existence of soul mates, everything about their lifestyle was wrong and all it took was seeing a woman with duel colored eyes and a child for someone to know she’d committed the biggest taboo.

At first, Levi didn’t understand why anything about his mother’s appearance would cause such a stir. He’d seen plenty of people with two colored eyes, including himself. As he got older though, his curiosity grew and one day he made the mistake of asking about his father. The pained look on his mother’s face filled him with regret immediately, but he sat and listened to her intently as she explained the ways of their harsh reality.

“Your eyes are a promise,” she’d told him as delicately as possible. “A promise not to share yourself with anyone until you meet the person who you are destined to find and be with forever.” Levi had been filled with sadness for his mother when she admitted to breaking her promise. It was clear that she’d only committed such a disapproved act out of absolute necessity. People were judgmental though and could only see the fact that Levi’s father had not been the woman’s soulmate, which is why her eyes remained mismatched.

“You can still find them,” Levi had tried to hold on to a glimmer of hope for her, but she just smiled sadly and shook her head. The likeliness was low at her age, and even if they happened to cross paths, her past and status as a single mother would drive any respectable person away.

Levi loved stability

After learning about and coming to terms with the truth of this mother’s situation, Levi became determined to help her out in any way possible. He didn’t want the woman sacrificing herself for him any longer. And once he got older, he begged her to start staying home while he did what he could to provide for them both.

“It’s not your job to take care of me, Levi.” She’d smiled at this thoughtfulness while cupping his cheek in her delicate hand. “Everything I’ve done will have been worth it as long as you can have a better life than me.”

He understood her sentiment, but was too stubborn to give up. It was hard to find honest work in a town full of desperation and poverty, but Levi did his best. He took odd jobs here and there, and tried not to get mixed up in any of the bad business that ran rampant in the area. The money he earned wasn’t nearly enough to cover the cost of his small home though. After a handful of threats from the landlord to toss them out on the street, Levi knew he had to do more.

Levi loved familiarity

Resorting to petty theft went against everything Levi’s mother had taught him, and he knew it would probably break her heart if she ever found out. Still, he couldn’t allow their home to be taken away, or worse, his mother to return to the work she’d done before.

He had to be smart though. Being caught stealing in his neighborhood could get him killed. Going into the nicer parts of the city would be a better bet. He didn’t know the area as well, of course, but there was the benefit that he wouldn’t be recognized if anyone saw him. If he did happen to get caught by law enforcement, he’d end up in a jail cell rather than a cold ditch somewhere. Neither option was ideal, but stealing from the rich would have to do until a better plan presented itself.

Things went decently for a while, and Levi was a quick learner. He figured out what worked and what didn’t without having too many close calls. He made sure only to take enough to get by since the thought of being too similar to the criminals he’d grown up around made him sick to his stomach. It was only a matter of time though before his luck ran out. Rumors of a pickpocket spread and people began to act more cautiously about carrying their valuables out in the open, forcing Levi to get more reckless with his stunts.

It was on a particularly frustrating day that Levi caught a glimpse of you. More accurately, he caught a glimpse of the leather purse filled with coins hanging from your hip as you chatted away with a friend outside a popular confectionary. With practiced movements, he slipped into the crowd and made his way in your direction, thinking that snatching up the money would be simple and easy. He’d made a mistake though. Your pouch wasn’t tied up like he was used to, but secured with a metal ring designed specifically to prevent the very act he was trying to pull.

You begin to turn around as soon as you feel the tug on your belt and Levi freezes for a moment, trying to think of a way to get out of the situation. One word from you and everyone in the vicinity would be on him. As soon as your duel colored eyes met his however, something happened that put all other thoughts out of both of your minds. Levi watched in shock as you blinked once, twice, and then suddenly your left eye changed color completely to match your right. The look of initial alarm on you face softened and Levi knew he had to get out of there. He turned on his heel, ducked his head down, and walked away as quickly and as naturally as his legs would allow. He waited for any sign that he was being pursued for a moment or two and then broke into a run.

Levi loved certainty

In his panic, Levi didn’t even greet his mother as he rushed past her once arriving at home. His heart was pounding and a light sweat covered his forehead uncomfortably. He went straight to the bathroom to stand in front of the cracked mirror above the sink. It took a few seconds to muster up the courage to look into his reflection and find that everything that had happened was real. The two colored eyes that he was so used to were gone.

“Levi, sweetie, are you all right?” his mother appeared in the doorway, looking scared. “Did something happen at work? You’re not usually home this early!” He turns to look at the woman who notices his matching eyes immediately. Her hands come up to her mouth which spreads into a smile and tears spring into her eyes. “Congratulations! Who is it?”

The question makes Levi feel ill. Never in his wildest dreams did he imagine he’d meet his soulmate while trying to rob them. And if his mother found out, she’d be so disappointed.

“It doesn’t matter,” He tells her stiffly. “I can’t be with them.”

The words were far from enough to satisfy his mother though, and she nagged him the rest of the evening with questions about what you looked like and where he’d saw you. He kept his lips sealed until he’d had enough of the interrogation.

“Please, my obligation is to you and nobody else,” he tells his mother. “I don’t know anything about this person. Not only do I have no interest in being with them, I’m certain they have no interest in being with me either.”

“Levi, this is all I’ve ever wanted for you,” his mother begs, taking his hands into her own. “Do not live your life feeling empty and alone. Take this chance and find your happiness.”

Levi shakes his head, refusing to even consider it. His only focus had been himself and his mother for so long that it seemed ridiculous to add a third person into the mix now. It was better to pretend he’d never met you, and he imagined you would feel the same way. How disgusted did you feel knowing your soulmate was the infamous pickpocket? It would be even worse once you found out where he lived and about his mother. Surely you were both better off without each other.

Levi hated the thought of a life without you

Despite his resolution to continue on with life as normal, it only took a few days before Levi caved and went back to the spot where he’d encountered you. The image of your face had never once left his mind, and there was an incessant need to see you again that he could not ignore. He thought perhaps one more look couldn’t hurt, and he had to go back anyway if he wanted to collect enough money to pay his landlord that month.

“I hoped you’d come back.”

Levi had been sure you wouldn’t recognize him after only getting that small glimpse, but apparently fate had engrained his face into your memory as well. He whirled around, his gaze immediately locking with yours. It was wild to see the familiar color of your eyes looking back at him. He had no idea why you’d be here looking for the person that tried to steal from you. The cautious smile on your face as you introduced yourself put him on edge as well. “What’s your name?”

“Levi.” He hadn’t meant to say it, but part of him already felt an attachment to you. What was more, hearing your name for the first time felt like a fire had ben lit inside of him. He shakes his head to get his mind straightened out. “I shouldn’t be here.”

“No!” the panic in your features makes him falter, “Please stay. Can’t we talk for a moment?”

“I’m sorry,” Levi backs away, trying to fight off the instincts rising up inside of him. He didn’t want you to be sad and he didn’t want to disappoint you. He knew though that it was inevitable that he would.

“Levi…”

Hearing his own name spill from your lips was enough to have him second guessing everything. Would he really be able to go the rest of his life without hearing it again? He wasn’t sure he was strong enough to stay away. He’d already come crawling back once already after all. As a last resort, he knew what he had to do. He had to tell you everything. And he did. He revealed his entire life story to you without hardly pausing to take a breath, knowing that every detail would drive your further and further away. Having so soulmate at all was much better than having a soulmate like him.

By the time he finished talking, tears had welled up in his eyes as well. His mother had told him to take the chance for happiness, but instead he’d violently thrown it away. A few seconds passed and suddenly you were slipping your hand into his. It was the wrong reaction to the story but he can’t help but tighten his grip around yours anyway, wanting the comforting feeling you brought to last forever.

“I’m so sorry you and your mother have had to fight so hard just to survive,” you tell him softly. “But you won’t have to live that way any longer, or at least, I want to join the fight with you.”  The genuine kindness and determination in your voice was overwhelming for Levi. Somehow he knew you meant every word, and the image of a brighter future for all three of you began to take shape in his mind. He had no idea if such a future was actually possible, but with you at his side he knew he’d definitely be willing to try. Being born in the roughest and seediest part of town had to be one of the worst fates a person could experience. Levi knew that first hand. He also knew he wouldn’t trade that fate for the world if it meant having you as a soulmate.

#Levi x Reader #levi ackerman x reader #snk x reader #aot x reader #Levi Acerkman #aot #snk #Soulmate AU #Cindy's Writing

[cozy-the-overlord]

Dances and Daggers

Summary:   The Summer Festival is upon Asgard, as is the tradition of the dagger ceremony, where each unmarried gentleman chooses a lady to bestow with the honor of carrying his dagger for the night. As Prince Thor’s betrothed, Teki’s only goal is to accept his dagger with grace and hope that her violent stepfather doesn’t find fault with her in the process. But Prince Thor is unpredictable, and when he ignores his engagement on a whim Teki finds herself in a desperate situation. Luckily, Thor isn’t the only prince in Asgard…

Pairing: Loki x Original Female Character

Chapter 17: The Resolution

Previous Chapter  |  Next Chapter

Word Count: 2,424

Chapter Summary: Now that the truth is out, Teki and Loki navigate their way through the aftermath.

A/N: I can’t believe we’re on the second to last chapter! It blows my mind that this has gone by so quickly-- I feel like I just started posting a few weeks ago. Also, sorry this is going up about an hour later than usual-- my classes got cancelled today, so I decided to sleep in XD

Thanks for reading!

TW: Violence, child abuse

Tags: @lucywrites02 @gaitwae @moumouton4 @berriemalfoy @whatafuckingdumbass @sophlubbwriting

if you want to be tagged, feel free to just send me an ask/message! :)

Read it on Ao3!

Teki stood in the center of the Throne Room, struggling not to wilt under the scrutiny of over a dozen pairs of eyes. She had always known that someday in the future she’d have to attend the King’s council meetings, but never had she thought that she would ever be the focus. The old men of Odin’s courtroom seemed to glower down at her like she was an insect they had accidentally stepped on as they bickered over what was to be done with her. Luckily, the friendly faces in the crowd were almost enough to drown out the tension.

Loki smiled encouragingly from his place at the base of Odin’s throne, rolling his eyes whenever someone said something particularly hurtful. Frigga too supported her with a warm grin. Even Thor seemed to shoot her a sympathetic glance every now and then.

Still, the council continued arguing.

“The marriage engagement is in writing. We cannot change it—”

“That writing is in blood. Would we have the daughter of a murderer as Queen?”

“We should not hold the girl accountable for the sins of her mother—”

“But what of Asgard’s reputation? What will other realms think when they learn how easy it is to cheat their way into royalty—”

“The circumstances are irrelevant. The agreement was made. To go back on it now would be to sully the word of the king—”

The last few days had been a whirlwind. Teki felt as if she had repeated the same story over and over again at least a thousand times, to a thousand different people. At first, there had been the scramble for evidence, gathering anything and everything that might be used to prove her word—the vials from her mother’s liquor cabinet, the document of dissolution that her father had been forced to write moments before his death, written statements from Völundr and Asta (the real one this time). They had even taken her father’s journal, although that had been returned to her after they decided that the unfinished letter he had written to her mother was all they needed.

But once Áslaug signed a full confession, the focus shifted. Now that she was good and caught, everyone could concentrate on capturing Osvald. He had been gone when Frigga’s guards arrived at their apartment to arrest him and hadn’t been seen since. It seemed he had caught wind that the game was up and made a run for it, a thought which terrified Teki to no end.

“Don’t worry,” Loki assured her one night, in the new rooms in the royal wing that she and Brant now occupied. “They’ll catch him before long.”

Teki only nodded as she stared out into the inky blackness beyond her window, praying to the Norns he was right.

There were also the questions popping up now, everywhere she turned. Was she still engaged to Thor? Did the marriage agreement stand if it was made under false pretenses? No one seemed to know.

Some felt that since Steinn had opposed it, and since Áslaug very clearly did not have Teki’s best interests in mind when she agreed to it, that it should not be allowed to stand. Others were quite adamant that the agreement had been signed and that it must be followed through, for better or for worse.

Of course, nobody had asked Teki what she thought should happen.

Well... that wasn't entirely true. Queen Frigga had approached her the day after her mother was arrested to talk about the whole situation, and while she didn't ask for her opinion either, the topic of her engagement had come up.

"The AllFather is not one to go back on his word," she told her. "I doubt the betrothal will be drastically changed."

Her tone was encouraging, but Teki couldn't bring herself to mirror her optimistic smile. Of course she'd still have to marry Thor. The actions of her mother would have no bearing on something that had been set in stone for nearly her entire life. She knew this. Still, a part of her, the small, hopeful part that had dared to dream of someone else in place of Thor's hand, withered at the return to reality.

The ache in her chest must have been reflected on her face because Frigga frowned. "Is something wrong?"

Teki shook her head, forcing her features back to familiar neutrality. "Of course not, Your Majesty," she said with the same artificial cheeriness. "As always, I will be honored to wed your son."

For a moment, the Queen only studied her, as if searching for something hidden behind her eyes. "Yes," she finally said, voice distant. "My son."

It didn’t even matter anymore. They’d all been going round and round in circles for what seemed like an eternity, and Teki was tired of standing there bearing the brunt of their speculation. She wished they would just sentence her to life with Thor and just end it already. It took everything in her to keep from picking at the sash of her dress in front of everyone.

But then Frigga stood, and the voices fell silent. “If I may, my King?”

Odin nodded at his wife, and Teki couldn’t help but think that he looked as exhausted with this as she was. “Please.”

She stepped forward, addressing the council directly. “If I am correct in understanding, the conflict here surrounds the question of whether Lady Tekla is suited to be Queen in light of what we now know of her mother and stepfather, yes?” A chorus of affirmative hums answered her.

The Queen smiled broadly. “Well, I believe there is a way to honor the agreement without jeopardizing the queenship.” She turned back to Odin with a respectful bow of her head. “My King, you have two sons. If Lady Tekla were to marry Prince Loki instead of Prince Thor, she’d still gain royalty, but not the throne.”

A flurry of whispers broke out across the Throne Room. For a moment, Teki thought she had misheard her. Wait, did she mean…

She whipped to Loki, who was staring at his mother with eyes were so wide they were almost bugging out of his head. When his gaze returned to Teki’s, there was a stunned sort of hope in his smile.

The King cocked his head to the side, seemingly lost in thought. He turned to his son. “Would you be willing to pursue such a course of action, Loki?” he asked.

The prince sprang up. “Yes, I would, my King. That is —” he looked back at Teki nervously. “If Lady Tekla was willing.”

The collective stare of the council flipped back once more to her.

Teki inhaled. “I—I’m willing, sire.”

“Very well.” The King motioned towards Loki, who stepped purposefully off the platform and down to her side. “Prince Loki, you will take the hand of Lady Tekla in marriage. Prince Thor, you are released from your betrothal.” He sighed. “Perhaps now we can finally lay this matter to rest.”

Teki didn’t hear the rest of what he said. Loki lifted her hand to his lips, pressing a kiss to her knuckle.

“My lady,” he whispered with a breathless smile. She beamed, heart soaring higher than any wings could ever carry her.

…

Going back to their apartment was strange.

It had been decided that Teki and Brant would permanently move into the royal wing of the palace, sharing a suite until Teki married and moved into Loki’s rooms (although Frigga assured her that wouldn’t be for quite some time). Their old apartment was gutted of all items of importance to be transferred to their new rooms, leaving only its skeletal remains when Teki and Loki returned for one last look through.

There were several things Teki wanted to be sure to get. Brant’s reading notes, for one, and his unfinished map of the tunnels of the Nine Realms. She wouldn’t be giving him reading lessons anymore—he had already begun to attend proper class and was doing quite well—but he had confided in her that he still preferred her lessons. The music books gifted to her by the Queen—she was particularly excited about those, because Frigga had ordered a piano constructed just for Teki’s new sitting room.

“I hope you don’t mind that I didn’t ask you first,” she had said, almost apologetically. “I just you’d enjoy being able to play at your own discretion, without having to rely on me.”

Teki could’ve cried.

And then there was a dagger. Teki nearly had a heart attack when she checked under her mattress and found it wasn’t there, only to remember that she had shoved it in her nightstand that time her mother walked into the room.

Loki grinned when she slid it out of its sheath.

“I had wondered what you did with that,” he said. “I never saw it when I would come over.”

She laughed. “Well, I couldn’t exactly hang it from the wall.” Now that she thought of it though, it was probably a blessing that she had been forced to move the dagger to her drawer. As furious as her stepfather had been upon discovering she had taken her father’s journal, it would’ve been infinitely worse if he had realized she was also keeping a weapon under her mattress. The image of Osvald advancing towards her flashed before her eyes, this time waving a blade instead of a leather book. Teki shivered. She sheathed the dagger, placing it in the box with her other items.

They combed the apartment one last time, a cursory look-through to make sure that Teki had gotten everything she wanted to save. There really wasn’t much. It was a bit startling—this place had been her home her entire life, and yet she felt practically nothing upon saying goodbye to it forever. If anything, it was relieving, like coming to the surface to breathe after being underwater for far too long. She was ready to leave this bad dream behind.

Teki only hesitated at the downstairs table, staring at the same chair in which her father died. Loki came besides her, squeezing her hand in comfort.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

“Nothing. It’s just…” She struggled to find the right words. “I ate here every single day,” she said finally. “My whole life. And I never knew what happened right next to me.” Had her father been watching in frustration from the realm beyond? Had he been begging her to ask questions, to look for him, to discover the truth as she munched on her morning toast?

Tears were pooling in her eyes once more. Teki swallowed shakily. “I should’ve done something sooner,” she whispered. “I never did anything. I just let it all happen.”

“You were a child,” Loki said softly. “What could you have done? You’ve brought justice for your father, and for you. That’s all that matters now.”

She sighed. Maybe he was right. What she did or didn’t do in the past wasn’t important. Now, her father could rest easy knowing his killer would rot in prison, her plans in tatters.

Teki hoisted her box up with one last glance about the room. “I think I’ve got everything,” she said as she headed towards the door. “Thank you for coming with me.”

“It was my pleasure,” he smiled, rushing to hold the door for her. “It seems that—”

He didn’t get the chance to finish his sentence.

Osvald barged his way through the doorway like a living battering ram, smacking the prince into the wooden door. Her stepfather didn’t even spare a second glance as Loki crashed to the floor. Teki barely had the chance to scream before his fist caught her in her sternum. The box flew from her hands, contents clattering across the floorboards as she fell backwards.

No sooner had her head hit the ground than Osvald was on top of her, eyes as frenzied as wildfire.

“You thought I’d let it go?” he snarled, holding her down by her shoulders with his forearm as she struggled. “You thought I’d let you fuck everything up?”

She almost didn’t see the glint of the blade in his free hand.

Norns!

Teki jerked just as the knife came down, cold metal grazing her cheek as he buried it into the floor beside her head. She grabbed for the hilt as her stepfather spat curses in her face.

Get it away from him!

He smacked her away, ripping the knife from the floorboards and stabbing towards her again. Teki braced her arms against his wrist, pushing against him with all her might, her eyes tearing up. Come on, please! Still, the tip of the blade inched forward, closer and closer and closer…

Something crashed into the two of them. One moment, her stepfather was on top of her, pinning her to the ground, the next he was on the floor next to her, thrashing wildly as Loki fought to rip the blade from his grasp. Teki rolled to her stomach, trembling as she gasped for air.

“Get help!” Loki yelled at her as the two wrestled on the ground. Osvald landed a kick to his stomach, and he hissed in pain.

Teki struggled to her feet and tried to make a run for the door. Her foot slipped on one of the papers strewn about from the box and she tripped, slamming against the floor.

Behind her, Osvald’s knife clattered to the ground. Still, they struggled.

Her legs were shaking too badly to stand. Teki crawled towards the door across the mess, unable to hear anything else over the pounding of her heart.

Without meaning to, her hand closed around the hilt of her own dagger.

Loki cried out, a short, quick gasp of pain.  Her stepfather’s footsteps vibrated deep in her stomach as he approached.

He yanked her to her feet by her collar and whipped her around, his fingers at her throat, grin wide and demented.

“Now—”

Teki buried the blade in his chest.

For a moment they just stared at it, gasping, the golden hilt crowning the fast-growing stain of crimson across his chest. He glanced up at her, icy eyes having lost their chill. Teki gaped back at him, frozen.

On the other side of the room, Loki pulled himself to his feet, eyes wide.

Her stepfather collapsed, a marionette with its strings cut, his blood splattering across the same floor he had so often beaten her against.

#dances and daggers #loki fanfic #loki x ofc #loki marvel #dances and daggers chapter 17 #the resolution #cozy writes

[gamer2002]

Ralph Breaks The Internet - Review2002

Ralph Breaks The Internet is a sequel to Wreck-It Ralph that focuses on Ralph’s and Vanellope von Schweetz’s merry misadventures across the Internet. The movie, despite upholding visual quality and humor of the original, received rather mixed reception. A lot of fans of the original say that the movie betrays Ralph’s character development, the beginning is an idiot plot, Vanellope goes Turbo, she is treated by the movie with unfair forgiveness that Ralph doesn’t receive, and the moral of the story is contrary to the previous one.

Personally, while I enjoyed the movie, especially loving its commentary on the Internet and Disney itself, I recognize that the writers have opened themselves to all this criticism. I think that if the movie was more critical about Vanellope, while emphasizing on what made her different from Turbo and first-movie Ralph, rest of the issues would be more easily forgiven.

So, let’s do the review of Ralph Breaks The Internet, that doesn’t criticize the movie, but reviews how it could be improved.

Mutually Toxic Friendship

The movie’s main lesson is that you should trust your friends. This is what Ralph learns, realizing that his friendship with Vanellope was possessive and lacking trust of her being capable of simultaneously pursuing own happiness while remaining a true friend of Ralph. I wouldn’t say that Ralph having such issue is out-of-character. Until the first movie, Ralph had no real friend and was generally unliked. While his standing has improved, with Van becoming his BFF, that never translated into Ralph improving own social skills. Becoming a friend like Vanellope was the happiest thing that ever happened in his life, but was also a thing he never had been prepared to handle. Ralph, being a rather simple-minded bloke, never put much thought into such issues as “Vanellope may become unhappy with her own game” or “Vanellope may find happiness far away from Ralph’s home”. The opening scene does demonstrate Ralph simple-mindedness, where he doesn’t think much about Van’s questions about the nature of their existence.

It isn’t a problem that Ralph doesn’t think much about life. He, after years of unhappiness and lack of satisfaction, can finally be happy. Not to mention, the very lesson of his movie was to not demand too much from life. With Vanellope as his friend, he has everything that makes his life fulfilled, and he isn’t greedy for more. And Vanellope is a beloved star of her game, so, in Ralph’s view, she shouldn’t even consider wanting anything more. But while Ralph isn’t obsessed anymore with having more than he has, he is possessive about what he already has. Which is why he turns out to be insecure about his friendship with Van, and those insecurities are what he needs to overcome.

The problem that movie doesn’t notice is that Vanellope herself is in need of learning to trust Ralph. While Van is friendly and nice towards Ralph, she sees him as incapable of accepting any change to an already satisfying him status quo. And yes, Ralph does have clear difficulties with that. But Ralph having difficulties with accepting change is a far cry from Ralph being incapable of accepting any change. Ralph being simple-minded is a far cry from Ralph being incapable of considering needs of others. Ralph wanting to be with Vanellope is a far cry from Ralph not ever letting her go. But Vanellope constantly underestimates Ralph, avoiding discussing issues on the first sign of Ralph’s displeasure. It’s a toxic positivisms. No healthy relationship functions without any conflict, which is why Van avoiding any conflict with Ralph only fuels his worries and insecurities. Which is what happens when Van ditches Ralph and goes to GTA game, without telling him anything.  

When Ralph has issues with trusting Vanellope changing things, Vanellope has issues with trusting Ralph to accept any change. Their relationship is filled with mutual distrust, and this is the distrust they both have to overcome.

Thing is, while Ralph does learn his lesson, Vanellope is treated like she never had to learn any. Even though Van does learn to trust Ralph enough to trust Ralph-virus that he will never hurt her and will stop harming others if she just stays with him. That scene, with the following Ralph’s declaration of trust, could be a beautiful resolution of a mutual problem. But the problem isn’t shown to be mutual.

What the movie lacks is explicit criticism of Vanellope’s treatment of Ralph. One way for this, in the first act, was to have Van share a scene with Tamora. Tamora is now married with Felix. She could mention that occasionally they do have fights, but they always ends well anyway. That could provoke Vanellope to express her worry that a fight with Ralph could end up not so well, which would be criticized by Tamora as an unfair view towards Ralph. Shank’s gang could also be used to demonstrate this, with them constantly bickering among themselves, but remaining trusting friends anyway. And finally, Yesss could criticize Van for selfishly ditching Ralph for Shank after he had worked so hard for her sake. That would lead Van to realization that Ralph wouldn’t hurt her, not would Ralph-based virus, leading her to the idea of stopping the virus through self-sacrifice. And, of course, after the crisis with virus is resolved, there could be a mutual apology.

The justification of Vanellope’s not-that-Turbo desire

Van’s desire to become a character in GTA game is seen by some fans as her going Turbo, which is contrary to what Ralph had to learn in his movie. It’s true that her desire is similar enough to Turbo’s, and can be also called a selfish abandonment of responsibilities towards her own game. The writers should have recognized this issue, and explicitly explain why it does not apply.

There is a difference between what Turbo, or first-movie Ralph, wanted, and what Van wants in the sequel. Turbo couldn’t stand his game (and himself) losing popularity, so he hijacked another game to become its central character. His motivation was greed and envy. Ralph, while better excused, also envied Felix and was greedy about obtaining a better status for himself.

But Vanellope didn’t want popularity or status, it was the opposite. She already was the star of her own game. She already was the only picked character there. She was unmatchable there. And she was the ruler there. And that’s why she preferred GTA world, where she would be an enemy NPC working for somebody that was at least as good as her. She wanted to lower her status.

Of course, it’s undeniable that this was going against her responsibilities. The movie could fix that, by seriously demonstrating that Vanellope’s very existence was making things unfair for other characters in her game. Because Van was OP. She wasn’t just designed to be the best character there, she also was glitched into becoming completely busted. If her game was capable of hosting tournaments, she would be permanently banned from them. And this was bad for the game.

The movie could demonstrate this by showing low morale of other racers in that game. Nobody but Vanellope was winning. Nobody but Vanellope was being picked. She outclassed everyone, even beyond the intended programming. How about showing the players mocking aloud every other character, calling them unworthy to pick? And to put more pressure on Van, all characters forced themselves to accept this, because they all loved her unconditionally. Or maybe everyone was just programmed to love her unconditionally? This is what Vanellope could have referred to, when she was questioning her existence.

In such situation, it could be better for Van to remove herself from the game. Without her, the other racers would have a fair chance. Plus, they also would be freed from their obligations towards her. In this way, the movie could justify Vanellope’s decision for changing games, by making a decision that could improve lives in her game.

#wreck it ralph #ralph breaks the internet #vanellope von schweetz #movie review #review #writing tips #disney #cartoon #movie #animation #animated movie #review2002

[panharmonium]

...and damn the consequences

These are just some thinky-thoughts that I suppose could be an addendum to this old piece about Morgana, since I saw a couple of different discussion threads in that general vein in the tag a while back, and you know reading about this show always gets my brain going. :)

Most of what I ran into was written with the intention of shifting the blame for Morgana's issues away from Merlin, which is something I appreciate, personally - I've talked plenty myself about the myriad reasons why Merlin does not owe Morgana his secret and does not deserve "blame" for the things she does.  

But when the blame is shifted (rightly) away from Merlin, it does sometimes end up getting pushed onto others.  And while I do understand where that impulse comes from, I actually tend to approach this from a slightly different perspective, so since I don't think I've ever typed up anything about this particular subject before, I figured I might as well set down a few potential things to consider about a) Morgana (in relation to Gaius, specifically), and b) the more general question of "the blame" (and whether it's really a productive line of discussion, given that the question only has one legitimate answer, for me, at least).

disclaimer, as always: these are just my own thoughts, and nobody is obligated to share them!  If my particular perspective isn't interesting to you, don't worry about it - I'm just hanging out talking to myself on my own blog, so feel free to scroll past and continue interpreting the show in whatever way is most enjoyable for you!

i. my favourite patient is always welcome

So, first of all - some thoughts about Gaius.

I was really surprised at how infrequently Gaius appeared, when I first started poking around in the fandom.  For such a major character, and for someone who is such a huge part of Merlin's life, I definitely thought he would be more prominent, but essentially the sorts of posts I've seen about him are mostly restricted to two things: 1) memes, and 2) call-outs (he's in a very similar position to Kilgharrah, in that way).   

I don't necessarily think those things do him justice, and there’s a lot more we could talk about when it comes to his character, but for now, the only thing I'm really interested in working on is maybe adding some nuance to the perpetual question of Gaius, Morgana, Merlin, and "the blame."  

(For clarity’s sake: nothing that follows necessarily means that Gaius makes the “right” decisions.  The entire point of his character's history is in fact his failure to always do the right thing - see: Kilgharrah's line where he tells Gaius to “do nothing," because “that is, after all, your talent."  What I’m saying in the section that follows is just that there's more to consider about the choices Gaius makes than “he's a coward.")

So - some things to consider, when we think about Gaius and Morgana:  

1) One thing I'm not always sure people realize about this show is that neither Gaius nor Merlin knows that Morgana has magic until 2.03.  

And I definitely can see why people don’t necessarily realize it, because as we all know this show can be a little haphazard/loosey-goosey with its worldbuilding, but just to help clarify: until 2.03, Gaius does not know that Morgana has magic.  He knows that "some of the things she dreamt" have indicated certain future events (NOT all of them, importantly - more on that later), but her dream-visions are also specifically stated to be a separate gift from sorcery - dream-visions and magic are clearly established to be different things in this show, and prior to 2.03, Morgana has only ever demonstrated one of these abilities.  

At the end of 1.07, Merlin asks, "Is she like me?  Does she have the gift?" and Gaius's response is, "I hope not, for her sake."  Earlier, he also says, "The gift of prophecy is too close to the work of magic," indicating that the two things are, in fact, different abilities (if equally dangerous ones, in Uther's eyes).  “It's said to be an innate ability.  Those who have it are born that way.”  Whereas magic, in the Merlin-verse, is a learned skill.  We spend so much time around Merlin that we tend to transfer his experience to all other magic-users, but we have to remember that Merlin, in this world, is directly stated to be unique.  He uses magic without spells, without study; he tells Gaius he was born doing it.  But when Gaius hears Merlin say this, his response is, "That's impossible."  It's not something that happens.  

In the Merlin BBC-verse, people can be born with the "gift" - the ability to use magic - but their magic doesn't just manifest on its own.  What happens to Merlin (being able to use magic "before he could talk," with no training and no spells) and Morgana (starting a fire accidentally) is NOT something that is indicated to ever happen to other magic-possessors.  We aren't being introduced to a world where magical children will automatically start manifesting their magic in dangerous ways unless they're trained to use their abilities (ie, the X-Men model, or the Force-sensitive child model, where choosing not to teach someone is automatically irresponsible ).  Magic, as presented to us in this show, is something that cannot be used without training or specific spells/power-amplifying artifacts.  Merlin (and, later, Morgana) are exceptions to a universal rule.

And this is just something to keep in mind, because it does provide some context for Gaius's decisions.  It doesn't mean people have to agree with the choices he makes - it doesn't even mean *I* always agree with the choices he makes, to be honest - but I do think it's worthwhile to at least remember that Gaius doesn't make his decisions thoughtlessly.  As far as Gaius knows, even if Morgana did have magic, there is no way that it could ever manifest and become an issue for her without her being trained.  If she doesn't learn how to use magic, she can't use it, period.  And if she can't use it, no one will ever know she has it.  And if no one ever knows she has it, no one can ever kill her for it.  

(Once we hit 2.03, the conversation changes, obviously.  It becomes clear that Morgana is some kind of anomaly as well, and at that point, the only appropriate path forward is to tell her she has magic.)

(Which is, of course, precisely what Merlin does.)

2) According to the show, only "some of" Morgana's dreams have actually played out in real life; others have just been regular nightmares (and we see later on that even some of her prophetic dreams are vague to the point of incomprehensibility - eg, she dreams about a raven in 2.01, but how would she ever know what that meant, or if it meant anything at all, barring external context?)  Some of the risk/benefit analysis on Gaius's part has to take this problem into account - what if he did tell her that some of her dreams might be prophecies?  There would be no way for anyone to sort out which ones were real and which ones were just nightmares.  And Gaius has known Morgana all her life - he knows what she's like; he knows how headstrong she is.  She would assume all of her dreams were real, and she would act on all of them, because what if the one time she ignored a dream, something bad happened to someone she cares about?  

Gaius is familiar enough with Morgana to know with absolute certainty that this is what she would do.  And he knows that this could SO easily end up getting her killed, either by Uther, who would quickly figure out that something was going on, or by the sheer dangers associated with Morgana throwing herself into confrontations based only on uncertain visions (or worse, regular old dreams).

3) We also have to think about what this show tells us about prophecy in general.  Trying to act on prophetic information, in this world, is firmly established as a dangerous game, one which, more often than not, ends up directly causing the outcomes one was trying to prevent.  Trying to change the future, in the BBC Merlin universe, backfires on people every single time.  In 2.10, the Crystal of Neahtid is framed as holding "a terrible power," and Merlin knows instinctively that "no good [will] come of it," even as he feels compelled to look into it.  In 3.05, Gaius himself says of the Crystal Cave that "the crystals are treacherous," and Kilgharrah says that "to change the future is no simple matter, Merlin.  To do so is fraught with danger."  In Season 5, of course, we all know what happens with Merlin's attempts to prevent Mordred from killing Arthur - it ensures Arthur's death!  And that's not even mentioning all the collateral damage it causes - Kara's execution, Mordred and Morgana’s eventual deaths, etc.

I thought I could alter the future, but instead, I caused it.  I made it happen.

What you did was dangerous, even for someone as gifted as you.

These are truths about the universe in the BBC Merlin world, not Gaius's personal opinions.  Gaius had been brought up steeped in the rules of the Old Religion; he knows how that world works.  The risk posed by Morgana interpreting all of her dreams as prophecies (and the absolute certainty that she would constantly attempt to alter their outcomes) is not a trivial concern or something he should ignore.  It is real, significant, and extremely dangerous, for both Morgana and the people around her.

So in general, I do think there's a broader context to what Gaius does than we typically look at.  I'm not saying that it isn't a sticky situation, and I'm not even saying that Gaius makes the right calls.  All I'm saying is that I think it's worth acknowledging that the decisions he makes are a) always sincerely intended to protect Morgana from a number of very real dangers, not just Uther, and b) founded on more than simple cowardice or carelessness.

ii. of course what really matters is the blame / someone you can blame

More generally -

Whenever I see discussion circulating about Morgana’s descent into villainy, occasionally the conversation can start to feel to me a little bit like that scene in Into the Woods where all the characters start going "so it's HER fault/HIS fault/YOUR fault" as they backtrack further and further along the chain of events and tear apart every single character's innocuous decisions (the consequences of which could not possibly have been foreseen) in order to escape any scrap of personal responsibility, until the Witch interrupts their bickering and rips them a new one for worrying so much about who to blame when they have a real problem to solve.

These blame-placing conversations about Morgana, much like this scene, are interesting and enjoyable to think about in their own ways, but they rarely get quite where I want them to go.  I definitely love seeing people articulate the "we shouldn't blame Merlin for what Morgana does" angle, but things often then slide into "we should blame X person instead", where X person is Kilgharrah or Morgause or Gaius or Uther or whoever.  

And for me, that analysis doesn’t quite hit the mark.  The correct endpoint of "we shouldn't hold Merlin responsible for Morgana's actions" isn't "we should hold X person responsible instead."  The correct endpoint is "the only person responsible for Morgana's actions is Morgana."

The last time I wrote about Morgana like this, I mentioned that ultimately, the difference between Merlin and Morgana for me is that Merlin owns his choices.  He feels guilt, he expresses regret, he apologizes for his mistakes, and he blames himself for his missteps (as well as for other things that aren't remotely his fault).  Morgana, on the other hand, never apologizes for anything (despite the fact that she's made plenty of mistakes worth regretting), and sometimes it feels like in fandom we don't necessarily expect her to do so, as if it's a benchmark we don't need her to meet.

So because I really do have strong feelings about the double standard we use when it comes to Merlin and Morgana, I want to talk for a minute here about Merlin and Gaius’s relationship, to provide a comparison.

Morgana isn't the only person who's had important information about her parentage and potential abilities withheld from her.  Gaius hides both Merlin's dragonlord heritage and the identity of Merlin's father all the way until the end of Season 2, when necessity forces him to reveal the information.  Merlin's mother, for her own part, has been hiding this information from Merlin all his life - out of valid fears for Merlin's own safety, of course, the same way Gaius is trying to protect Morgana.  But still, from Merlin's point of view, in the moment when the information is revealed to him, the justification offered by his guardians is unacceptable.  He is angry and upset, and he feels cheated out of knowledge he deserved to have, the absence of which has negatively affected him all his life.  “I had a right to know,” he keeps saying, on the verge of tears.

Has Merlin been harmed by the choices his guardians made for him, even if said choices were made to protect him?  Yes.  Does he have a right to feel hurt, betrayed, and angry?  Yes.  Is he entitled to every ounce of his righteous rage?  Absolutely.  

Is he also responsible for how he reacts, now that the information has been revealed?  YES.

Merlin has no say in what his parental figures do to him in the name of protecting him, and he has no choice about how it makes him feel.  He does, however, have a choice about what actions he will now take in response.  He can react in a way that hurts others, or he can choose a path of lesser harm.  And there's plenty we can say to justify both options, certainly, but either way, the decision he makes is on him.  

What that means, in short, is this: Merlin is not responsible for what was done to him.  But he is responsible for what he himself does next.  

The same goes for Morgana.  In absolutely no universe would we classify Merlin's behavior as acceptable if he'd reacted to the revelation of his Dragonlord heritage by assassinating Uther, claiming the throne for himself in the name of his murdered kin, and then shooting innocent civilians in the street when the knights refused to recognize his legitimacy.  We would never say that was okay.  And we definitely wouldn't then blame Merlin's downfall on Gaius, saying it was Gaius's fault for withholding information about Merlin's powers for so long.  The choice to act in a harmful way would still be Merlin's, in that situation.

The same standard holds true for Morgana - particularly when she has access to resources that Merlin can't even dream about.  She is rich, beyond his wildest fantasies.  One of her dresses costs more than everything Merlin has ever owned in his life - his house, his land, his livestock, every bushel of wheat he's ever harvested.  She isn't the 1% in comparison to Merlin; she's the 0.0000001% - a princess in all but but name, and one who would presumably be heir to her father's entire estate in addition to everything she already has in Camelot.  

Morgana has the wealth to go anywhere she wants, including places where magic is practiced freely (see Helva, as mentioned in S5).  She has the prestige to affiliate herself with powerful people outside of Camelot, if she chooses to do so.  Any person in her position would have a broad, high-status network of friends and allies, and indeed we do see that Morgana has political ties outside Uther's court (see: how easily she's able to go to Cenred, Agravaine, Annis in Seasons 3/4 and be admitted, recognized, and trusted, as well as her repeated ability to recruit and/or take command of external armies).  

She could leave Camelot if she wanted, learn about her abilities, and build a life for herself elsewhere.  She could stay in Camelot and use her considerable resources to work toward her people's liberation, without indiscriminately murdering and enslaving the innocent poor.  She could seek out other magic-users like Alator in the spirit of true solidarity, as opposed to just using them as tools to get what she wants and then turning on them when they decide that they don’t want to use her sort of tactics to achieve their liberation.  She has hundreds of options, none of which necessarily even require her to forgive or reconcile with the people who harmed her, and none of which are even remotely open to Merlin, who (like Morgana) is still learning about his own abilities, and who (unlike Morgana) has no money, no social power, and no connections that he can leverage or lean upon, besides a tiny village of dirt-poor peasant farmers on the other side of the border with Cenred's kingdom.

Morgana has options.  The choices she makes are hers.  Gaius's decision not to tell her about her dreams is not equivalent to her receiving a blank check for harmful behavior.  She has so many resources.  She has so much power.  She could have chosen so many other paths - like Merlin tries to plead with her, in the crypt, after he tells her that he does not believe she deserves to be executed, despite what she's done: “We can find another way.”

She's the one who says, “There is no other way.”  She makes that decision.  She chooses to dismiss the thousand other paths available to her.  

That's on her.  That is always going to be on her.

iii. i'm going to give you one more chance

This last section...it’s more just a muddle of feels-riddled musing as opposed to a real opinion.  It's not something that has a right answer or a solution; it's just something I ponder sometimes.  

When we talk about harm being done in the real world, we talk about how intentions don't matter.  And that is absolutely true, in terms of both the impact of harmful actions and the harm-doer's responsibility to own what they did/make restitution.  If someone knocks you down, and you break your arm, the impact of that event doesn't change depending on whether the person in question did it on purpose or not.  Your arm's still broken, either way.  Intent doesn't matter, in terms of impact and responsibility - the actual harm done is the same, and the person who knocked you down should still be apologizing and making amends, regardless of whether they intended for you to fall or not.  

However - intent does matter when you're considering the future of your relationship with the person who knocked you down.  It affects how you react to what they did.  It changes how you respond to their actions.  If someone threw you to the ground on purpose, you'd (probably) feel differently about that than if a friend knocked you down because they were trying to pull you out of the way of an oncoming vehicle, or because they were carrying too many things in their arms and didn't see you turn the corner.

I think about this sometimes when it comes to Morgana and Merlin.

I don't want to frame this as "Morgana should have forgiven everybody who hurt her," because I don't think that's the case.  I've written before about how I fully understand her reasons for ultimately rejecting Arthur, Gwen, Merlin, Gaius, etc.  She's not required to reconcile with anybody if she doesn't want to.

At the same time, though, I do wonder sometimes about intent.  And sometimes I ask myself how things might have been different if Morgana had considered intent, before things went completely to hell, and whether the story’s ultimate outcome might have changed, if she had given even just one of these people a chance.

Morgana has plenty of reasons extend some degree of understanding to the people who caused her pain.  The vast majority of the people who caused Morgana harm did so either a) out of love, in a sincere attempt to protect her from being killed, b) without any knowledge of the fact that she needed help, or c) after they thought she was attempting to kill everybody in the city.  Everything Gaius ever conceals from her is concealed with the intention of keeping her safe.  Arthur knows absolutely nothing about Morgana's parentage until after Morgana has already violently invaded Camelot, and he knows nothing about her prophecies/magic, either.  Gwen, too, is never told anything about Morgana's parentage or her magic, even though Gwen supports Morgana when Morgana thinks her dreams might be sorcery.  And Morgana never comes to Merlin for help, despite his demonstrated support in 2.03 - what he does later, in 2.11, is a response to him legitimately thinking that she is actively trying to kill everyone in Camelot.  When she comes back a year later, he forgives her for it immediately, and when he realizes she has turned against them again, he STILL tries to talk her around, to offer his hand.  

So I think about that sometimes.  And I wonder what would have happened if Morgana had chosen to recognize things like this.  Merlin, for his own part, always chooses to recognize things like this when it comes to the people who've done him wrong (and by this I do not mean to say that his response is always the best one - I'm not talking about him consistently allowing Arthur to continue oppressing him and his community, here.  I'm talking about him, on an interpersonal level, being able to recognize when the people who've harmed him did so in an attempt to keep him safe, or without fully understanding the potential consequences of their actions.)  

Merlin understands that his mother lied about Balinor and the dragonlords in an attempt to protect him, and he continues to love her in spite of the fact that the deception legitimately hurt him.  He understands when Gaius gives Finna up to Arthur, because he know that Gaius sincerely believed her to be a trap laid by Morgana.  He understands many of the things Morgana does, too, and he gives her all kinds of chances - he knows why she tries to kill Uther in 1.11, and he holds no grudge.  He knows she tried to steal the Crystal of Neahtid in 2.10, and again he holds no grudge - he doesn't even suspect her, at the beginning of the next episode, when the entire city falls asleep.  He forgives her in 3.01 after she (as far as he knows) tried to kill the entire city at the end of the previous season, and even after she reveals herself to be a traitor in 3.02, he tells her he doesn't believe she deserves to be executed for who she is.  He still feels for her.  He still understands.  He wants to connect with her.

And, admittedly, neither Morgana nor Merlin are obligated to extend this kind of understanding to the people who've harmed them.  The impact of the harmful actions is the same, and Morgana doesn't have to give her friends a chance if she doesn’t want to.  She doesn't have to consider their intentions.

But she could have.  And I think that in some of these situations, there are compelling reasons why she should have.  

It's important to me to recognize that Morgana's choice not to ever consider her friends' intentions, particularly when it comes to people like Gwen, who didn't even understand what was going on and who were given no chance to prove their willingness to help Morgana before Morgana attacked first - completely obstructs the possibility of making amends, working things out together, making a connection, or seeking a more positive outcome.  Morgana’s actions come out of nowhere, for most of the people who know her.  She starts trying to kill them before they ever even know anything is wrong.  She doesn’t give them a chance to help her.

And she doesn’t have to, certainly.  But I wonder sometimes what things would have looked like if she had.

#the once and future slowburn #meta #sometimes you've got to do what you think is right

[corpse--diem]

You Better Watch Out | Dakota & Erin

TIMING: A few days after Christmas PARTIES: @dakotasgrant & @corpse–diem SUMMARY: Thanks to the town’s magic going awry, someone on the naughty list crashes Erin and Dakota’s movie and dinner date.  CONTENT WARNINGS: Teenager death, Medical blood tw (mentions)

A Nightmare Before Christmas horror movie special was most definitely up Dakota’s alley. She’d always loved horror films, even back when she was a kid and her parents fell asleep on the couch while she watched The Exorcist and shit like that. She didn’t normally like doing things with people she didn’t really know, but that’s how you make friends in the world. And who said being friends with people meant they had to be close? Regardless, it was hard for her to say no to Erin based off the horror film factor alone. Plus, well, she seemed nice enough (and also not pushy enough) to hang out with while keeping at an arm’s length. Plus the prospect of dinner after a movie with this person didn’t sound awful… Especially when she was the one who had, once again, flirted her way into this situation. So, she showed up at The Nordica, maybe a few minutes early, and waited for Erin -- and yes, yes she had ordered a large popcorn to share. With butter.

Erin never minded her own company. She’d grown up the only child of two busy morticians and entertaining herself for hours on end was just… normal. Even into adulthood. The last year had changed something about that though. Maybe it was finding some souls she didn’t mind filling some time with, the multiple near-death escapades, but here she was actively reaching out to people she didn’t even know to go see a movie. Like none of the things from this year had happened. Like she could just pick up and carry on a normal life. She had to try at least, right? Why else had she survived if not to try? Dinner and a movie. She could do this. Have herself some fun with an attractive, smart woman. That was normal and healthy. Just have fun - she was sure that’s what Marley would be suggesting after gleefully teasing her for the attempt. If they were talking, at least. Another thing she didn’t want to think about right this second.

When she approached The Nordica, she kept an eye out for the description Dakota had given her as she purchased two tickets--she’d asked her out here, after all, right? Erin glanced up to see an older couple bickering as they made their way through the lobby. It was hard to miss, or hear, rather. 

“I don’t even want to see this damn movie. What’s with you and horror movies anyway? And what the hell is a Krampus?” 

“Then just take a nap, Harold, I don’t care what you do.”

It was hard to hold back the chuckle as they passed, slipping past her into the theater. Her eyes glanced around when she made a lucky guess on a dark haired woman with a tub of popcorn. “Hi… uh, Dakota?” She asked, giving a small wave. “If you’re not Dakota, I’m so sorry but I’m Erin? Erin Nichols?” She offered, a friendly smile on her lips, holding her hand out. “Nice to finally meet you, maybe-Dakota.”

Dakota didn’t really know what she was getting herself into when it came to Erin. She seemed normal, and the concept of the night truly did sound like a typical thing to do with a friend. Watch a movie, eat some popcorn, small talk. Dinner afterwards. But Dakota was quickly realizing that the more time she spent in White Crest, and the more people she spent time with in White Crest, the more wild everybody seemed. With Marley, she’d dug herself into a shitstorm of crisis. Morgan made her question what the hell she knew about blood as well all physical, organic, biological happenings—which, that reminded her, that she should probably ask the medical examiner about what’d she’d seen. But all of that was just to say that she’d realized that whoever she talked to here in White Crest always had her confused in one way or another. She chalked it up to either everyone in this damn town was ass-backwards, or she was. Erin had approached her at just the right time, though, because the more she thought about it, the more worried she got that this woman would end up being a fucking crazy person. But the moment she thought about taking the bucket of popcorn and hightailing it back to her place, the woman appeared right in front of her. Erin. Erin Nichols.  “Oh, uh, yeah. Dakota Grant.” She’d shook her hand, and then awkwardly tilted the bucket of popcorn in her direction. “Real butter. I thought you said something about loving this place’s popcorn. Plus you bought the tickets, so.. I thought I could at least buy the snacks.” And they’d probably arm-wrestle for the bill at dinner.

“Oh, so you were listening,” Erin smirked, cheekily plucking a few popcorn kernels from the bucket. Nodded approvingly as she chewed. “Mmm, yep. Just as good as I remembered. I don’t get over this way as often as I usually like so this is a treat.” She held one in the air like a mini-toast. “Hope you enjoy,” she added and chomped on another, pulling out the tickets for the movie. It felt weird now, standing here in front of this stranger, trying to pretend she was normal. She was. In comparison to more than half of the people she knew, she was on the normal side of that sliding scale. From what she knew of Dakota so far was that she was a quirky CSI that wasn’t hard on the eyes. Maybe just her brand of weird enough to get along with. “Krampus is the only thing playing right now. Hope that’s alright with you,” she smiled and handed her the ticket. Tilted her head, nodding towards the hallway that led further into the theater. “Ready when you are?”

“Believe it or not, I’m a great listener.” Well, so far, so good, right? Dakota had to think that Erin couldn’t be all that crazy if so far all she did was eat some popcorn and ask if Krampus suited her fancy. Which.. Well, at this point in her life, she was just so happy to get out of her house and talk to someone that it didn’t matter what they watched, because Dakota would have gladly sat her ass through some sappy rom-com if it meant not having to be alone wracking her brains about a case or.. Well, worse. Truth be told, she actually really liked Erin already just based on the fact that she owned a funeral home—and, given that this get-together didn’t end in awkward words or sliced fingers—she was already planning on asking for a tour. It didn’t take them very long to find their seats and get situated. They were early enough to not miss previews, but it seemed like the place was practically dead anyways, which Dakota would prefer so she could talk a lot of shit about the movie in real-time. “So.. You’re from White Crest, then?” she asked, popping a few pieces of the buttery goodness into her mouth.

Erin slunk into her chair--outdated ones that probably hadn’t been replaced since she was in high school herself. They were tiny, only barely reclined and were more likely to be found around a stage theater than in a movie theater. “Born and raised. Pretty boring stuff,” she nodded, growing more comfortable. The theater was on the emptier side, which she had planned for. One of the perks of growing up here was that she knew exactly what times this place would be dead. “You said you recently moved here?” Propping her feet up on the empty chair in front of her, she reached into the bucket to grab a handful for herself, munching one at a time. “What in the world brought you here?” She asked, trying not to sound judgmental and held as much of a curious, getting-to-know-you vibe as possible. “I just mean, you know, I’m glad you are! There’s just... not much here, even though it feels like outsiders are rolling in by the busload. I just don’t know the draw.” That wasn’t entirely true. Erin had learned what exactly that draw was but she didn’t know if Dakota knew what it was.

Erin seemed so.. Laid back. And maybe that’s sort of what intrigued Dakota about her, because she was so fucking wound up all the time that she didn’t know what it was like to just… Lean back, eat some popcorn, and chill the fuck out for a few minutes. But, like she’d said, she was born and raised in this town, and that had to be some pretty boring stuff—although she didn’t really see how that could be boring when Dakota herself was investigating scenes left and right, yet nobody seemed to be surprised by that. But, of course, she then wanted to know what brought her to this place, of all places on the map, and the only person she’d ever told the truth to was Morgan. And, to be fair, a movie theatre didn’t seem like the best place to spill her guts. “Just needed to get out of the city. I grew up in Detroit—like you, born and raised. It’s a big city but everyone knows everything about everybody like it’s a small town. So… I picked a town that seemed the most boring, packed up all my shit, and.. Well, sayonara.” The previews were just beginning to show, and of course a lot of them were old reels that probably nobody bothered to change before showing a movie, and there was a sort of nostalgic easiness in that. “I don’t think there’s much of a draw. Maybe the schools, the cool bar scenes. Me personally? I threw a dart at a map and made the decision.” Half-truths aren’t still considered lies, are they? “So you’re telling me in all your time living here there hasn’t been one crazy thing that’s happened? Clearly it’s not all boring.”

Erin could understand that feeling--wanting to get out, get away. “Good for you. Sometimes you just need to get away from it all. You know? Start fresh. I get that. Really.” She’d almost done the same thing a year ago, when she’d gotten to the point where she thought she’d reached her breaking point. It was almost laughable how low that bar was at time. “Crazy? Here?” Erin visibly grimaced at Dakota’s last question, a hint of a smirk that let on more than she was probably willing to share at the beginning of a blossoming, normal friendship. “Well--no. Okay. It’s not all boring. It’s actually not boring at all. For small town standards, anyway. I mean, you heard about that tornado in the common the other week right? Or that huge sinkhole that swallowed up some buildings?” She popped a few more pieces into her mouth before point a very serious finger Dakota’s way. “I know I’m going to sound nuts saying this, and I hope I’m not the first person to warn you, but stay away from the mimes. They’re an actual fucking menace to this entire town. I don’t know how they’re still allowed but you’re better off walking down an alley on Amity Road alone at night than approaching one of those fuckers.”

Dakota arched her brow as Erin talked, though for the most part she was just listening. She had heard about those things—the tornado, the sinkhole. But those were natural disasters that could happen to any town. Erin did get a little intense when she started to talk about the mimes, which made Dakota laugh—actually laugh. “Nobody’s warned me about any mimes, and I’ve never seen any, but when I do, you’ll be the first person I tell. Fair?” she asked, finally relaxing into her seat a bit more and popping pieces of popcorn into her mouth. The theater was still fairly empty save for a few people scattered around, and the previews slowly came to a close as the opening scene finally started. Dakota didn’t think that this was going to be a formal movie watching event, so while her eyes were still on the screen, she kept the conversation going. “Didn’t you say your funeral home burned down or some shit? What was all that about—electrical fire? Arson?”

Erin sat up at Dakota’s laughing. Oh, no. She thought she was joking. A fair immediate assumption, she supposed. The fact that this was something she had to warn people about was reasonably humorous but the reality absolutely was not. “No, I’m serious!” Still, the infectious laugh that shook her own shoulders couldn’t be helped. “I’m serious. Okay? Just--be careful. Don’t you dare say you weren’t warned.” She didn’t know how to emphasize that anymore without making it seem even weirder than it already was. She tried, at least? Of all the phobias she thought she’d develop, this wasn’t one of them, but it still had nothing on the fear that struck her at Dakota’s last question. Dakota, the crime scene investigator. She nodded, her eyes stuck on the movie as the opening credits started. “Yeah, it did. They couldn’t determine the cause, so they had to label it as an accident. They think it was the faulty wiring. It was an old house, it makes sense, I guess.” She shrugged, trying to move past it quickly. “But it’s almost rebuilt. Thankfully the whole place didn’t go down.”

A jump scare almost got her--almost, but she played it cool, blaming the slip up on only half paying attention. Not everyone was so lucky though. The older man in front of the startled, the same one from the lobby, making good on his word on his nap. Erin didn’t pay too much attention when he muttered something to his wife, eyes wide and fearful, like he’d woken up from some sort of nightmare. “Harold, shush, it’s just a movie--” she heard his wife say, hushing him quickly, eyes never leaving the movie. He grumbled and said something else before settling back into his seat.

Her eyes flicked back to the movie--and yep, there he was. Krampus himself, ready to scoop up one of the family members. Something shadowy seemed to move behind the actual screen but she chalked it off to the old movie reel or the old theater itself. “I’m, uh--surprised you weren’t on the case for that one. You’ve been in town… how long again?” She asked, unworriedly snacking and drank a heft sip of her water to wash it down. “Do you see that?”

Well, at least Erin had warned her. It was weird, because she’d lied about never being warned before. In fact, this was probably the third or fourth person in this whole town to warn Dakota about the mimes and she still didn’t know what the problem was. The French street performers didn’t scare her, and neither did the shadow that passed in front of the projector. She thought nothing of it, and nothing of the old man muttering in his sleep. If she were being honest, Erin was probably the only person she’d laughed with so far, so she was far too busy trying to keep conversation alive to care about the shadow moving behind the movie screen.

“I could have taken it, but uh.. Ya know, I was on leave. Not.. Real leave, I guess. I just sort of shut myself out from the world for a few months, no big—” Do you see that? And Dakota did, in fact, see it. A large shadow moving behind the screen of the movie… Normally she would have brushed it off, determining some employee was back behind the screen for some reason, or a projector malfunction, but… The silhouette didn’t look.. human. “I, uh.. Yeah, what the hell is that?” She wondered, both aloud to Erin as well as to herself. It didn’t take long for shit to hit the fan, though, because there was a loud ripping noise, and when Dakota looked up, there was a giant slash in the silver screen, and a beastly looking… What the fuck is going on?

She was stunned, though. Stunned enough not to know if she should be scared or amused, or if Erin knew what the fuck was going on. But regardless, she was definitely stunned still, frozen in place. “Erin… Please tell me this is part of the movie…”

Erin would have preferred to continue the conversation--she would have preferred just about anything than what was currently unfolding in front of them. Screams ripped through the small theater, the loudest coming from the teenagers who had managed to sneak into an R-rated movie up in the front row. Christ. She couldn’t even get through one night, one night, She popped up in her seat, knocking over the popcorn between them. “I don’t know, I don’t--” A roar bellowed louder than anything in the room, followed by the slash of the staff in the thing’s hands. When her eyes adjusted, they landed on the horns sticking up from the top of his head. The movie continued to play, flickering over the behemoth in the most eerie light.

She froze when her eyes locked onto the shadowy figure. It was Krampus. The Krampus on the screen was the same one ripping through this goddamn theater. She didn’t have time to even think about the how’s or why’s of it. God damn fucking magic was the only thing that crossed her mind, over and over. Just reached into her bag for the hefty knife Nic had left her, and the same one she brought with her everywhere in this stupid town, thanks to situations like this. “We gotta go,” Erin managed, starting to guide Dakota up. And she was about to run for the exits, let someone else deal with this, when one of the teenagers let out a blood curdling scream. Krampus was going for the kids. Of course. Of course. “...Fuck,” she cursed under her breath. Glanced at the exit one more time, glanced at Dakota, then back to the violent scene at hand. Someone was already helping the teenager who had been slashed but the thing was going after someone else. “You should go,” she nodded and ran over to help.

Dakota would have preferred just about anything other than whatever the fuck was happening. She would much rather enjoy her pseudo-date with Erin rather than witnessing the traumatizing event unfolding right there in The Nordica. But she couldn’t think about what she wanted, even if it was light banter and orange chicken at The Red Dragon. Especially not when there seemed to be an actual monster standing in their presence. In her whole adult life, she’d seen a lot of horrific bullshit. Bloody scenes, cruel murders, victims practically mauled to death in front of her eyes—but nothing terrified her more than the events unfolding right here, right now, at this very moment. At first, she believed it was just some prank or some weird theatrical spin on Krampus—god, how badly she wanted to believe that still—but it was probably the way Erin tried her best to get her out of her seat, the soft-spoken We gotta go, and the blood-curdling, terrifying scream ringing in her ears that convinced her more than anything that this wasn’t a joke, nor was it a performance, and if it were, she was never speaking to this woman ever again. A critical decision had to be made, and she had about three seconds to choose between fight or flight. It was weird because she didn’t necessarily feel her legs moving, but she knew she was following Erin into the chaos unfurling. She didn’t quite know exactly what she was doing, but she knew she needed to help the kid on the floor, despite the other person being there. She tried to help stop the bleeding, she heard herself yell for more help, but it was fucking everywhere—she’d seen loads of blood before, but Jesus Christ, it was fucking everywhere. Dakota would regret what she did next for rest of her life, probably, but she left the kid with the other strangers trying their best and ended up at Erin’s side, not sure exactly what the fuck she was doing, but was ready to do what needed to be done. Amongst the mayhem, someone had pulled the fire alarm to alert authorities, and Dakota found herself fighting to be heard amidst the noise. “You gotta plan?!”

A plan? Erin’s eyebrows shot up, not just from the shock that Dakota was still here, but that she was actually looking to Erin as if she had any idea what she was doing. There was a palpable ire from the small crowd garnered from the slashing of a young teenager. It shouldn’t have come as a surprise. There was enough in this town that fought the townsfolk. Eventually there became a point when people just became pissed. As Erin watched the scene unfold, it became clear this was the case. The monster was roared, only just a little louder than the cut of the staff through the air as it swung--and often hit the other patrons. Blood splattered across the ripped screen. “Don’t die?” She offered to Dakota, though immediately regretting her choice of words. Her heart clenched at the pain in the poor kid’s face. She brushed his hair back, feeling the cold sweat building on his forehead. Fuck. He wasn’t looking good at all. “Can you get him out of here?” She asked, hopeful that there was still time. That anger in the room filled her and she found herself standing, moving to join the crowd who was doing anything they could to fight back against this monster that mirrored the one still playing on the screen behind them. It would’ve been comical, with the way purses were being slung, drinks were tossed in its face, trash cans rolling under their feet, if there wasn’t a very real threat of death with every swing of its sharp staff.

The Krampus creature shrugged off the few people around them, focusing on the woman he’d slashed, now crawling away a few feet from them. “Fuck, fuck, fuck,” she grumbled between grit teeth. With the monster’s back to her, she gripped the knife in her hand and booked it. The staff was in the air, ready to slash the woman on the ground again when the knife dug in between it’s shoulderblades. It roared, dropping the staff, immediately jerking and throwing Erin off of it. It howled in pain, growing desperate and angry. One of the patrons managed to kick away the staff, earning a swipe from the creature that sent them into a row of seats. The knife was still sticking out of his back as he set his eyes on Erin, who was scrambling away. The other woman was bleeding but she’d managed to pull herself somewhere safe.

Fight or flight. When presented with something that instills fear, stress, anxiety, or anger, the amygdala sends a distress signal. What did Mr. Fredericksen say? Right—amygdala, hypothalamus, adrenal glands, adrenaline. The hypothalamus activates the sympathetic nervous system, and then the automatic nerves haul ass to the adrenal glands, which then respond by pumping a shitload of epinephrine—Or adrenaline—into the bloodstream. Textbook.  

At the end of the day, it was all textbook. It all boiled down to physiology—just a bodily reaction that occurs when in the presence of something that is mentally or physically terrifying. The last she checked, Dakota had never seen a fucking… Whatever the hell this thing was. And she also never stood in a crime scene before it was finished being made. So...Terrified? Understatement of the goddamn century. She tried not to think about it too much, though. The specifics of it all. What the creature was, the point of entry...because the more thought she put into it, the shakier her hands became, and it was really fucking hard to pick up some lanky teenager and drag their nearly-lifeless body somewhere relatively safer when your hands were shaky. It didn’t really matter, though, because she’d seen a pool of blood that size before, and spoiler alert—the vic’s never made it out alive.

It all just… It happened so fast. One minute she was trying to stop the bleeding, the next she was asking Erin what the plan was. In a mirage of memories, she could only assume that she’d started dragging this kid out of the way moments before the roar. She hadn’t seen, it all happened so fast. The staff, though—she heard it clang to the floor, a grunt and then a thud, and by the time she looked back, Erin was on the ground, scrambling away, just.. Jesus, they were all just fighting for their goddamn lives. Fight or flight.

She didn’t think. Dakota didn’t have the capacity to think—a trauma response working itself out in real-time. One minute the staff was on the floor, just far enough away from the beast to maybe grab, and the next it was in her hands. She let out the breath she’d been holding for what felt like an eternity, and like ripping off a band-aid, she’d charged towards the beast, using its own spear to impale him—steak right through the heart.

Erin barely rolled out of the way of the creature’s huge swipe radius in time to earn a shallow gash along her arm instead of her stomach, where the thing had originally aimed. She was waiting for the next blow, hands covering her head as if it would help--but it didn’t come. Another roar shook the small theater and when she looked up, she heard the squish of flesh and she was greeted with a gush of blood. When the creature fell, pathetically and angrily squealing on its way to the ground, she saw Dakota standing there. Had she really just delivered the killing blow? Her eyes shot up, finally realizing how hard and fast her heart was pounding in her chest. So much was happening, and still happening, that her mind was still trying to catch up. That’d just happened right? A fucking Christmas monster had just… hopped out of the screen and attacked them all, right?

A few others were poking the creature beside her, making sure the thing was finally, actually dead. Multiple prods confirmed it. “Did you--was that you?” She asked, and after a short pause, followed up with, “Are you okay?” She was a little bewildered and little something she couldn’t quite place. Impressed was a good word for it for now. She held her hand out for Dakota to help her up. “Fuck, is the kid okay?”

As soon as she’d jabbed the weapon through the beast’s flesh, Dakota stumbled backwards just a few steps, breathing heavy not so much for the effort, but more so due to the rush of it all. The commotion may have stopped once the monster had collapsed to the floor, but there was still much to process. If you would have asked her how she expected tonight to go, she couldn’t have made this shit up in her wildest nightmares.

Silence rang in her ears despite the noise happening around her. It was like white noise—she knew Erin had said something to her because she saw her lips moving, but she was crashing from the adrenaline, and shock was now beginning to sink in. Reaching down, Dakota grabbed Erin’s hand and helped her up, brushing her off and even instinctively checking her over for any more serious injuries. She came to the conclusion that she had a laceration on her arm, but the rest of the blood stat soaked her clothes and painted her face had to of been either from the kid, other people who had been harmed, or the beast’s.

The kid. That’s when her hearing tuned back in. “I.. Don’t know.” It was an honest answer to two simple questions. Was she okay? I don’t know. Was the kid okay…? “No, um.. No, he’s not. The gash was too deep. Abdominal aorta, I think...? Definitely hemorrhaging,” Jesus Christ, she just witnessed a kid die. “He was probably dead in under two minutes.”

There was silence, and then there were sirens. Officers were on their way to collect statements and paramedics were dispatched to collect the victims and tend to those needing medical attention. Looking back over at where the monster should have been laying only to see an empty space that a puddle of blood now occupied, though, forced a pit in her stomach to open up and swallow her whole. She didn’t even process the information at hand before she had mumbled something along the lines of “let’s get the fuck out of here,” grabbed Erin’s unscathed arm, and started tugging her towards the exit.

Erin felt her entire body sag at the news. The kid was dead. Fuck. It always hit a little different when there was a kid involved. More than a decade of dealing with tragedies like this never made it easy, not even for her. The thing--Krampus?--wasn’t even there anymore. It was dead presumably, gone for sure, but there wasn’t even a body anymore to vindicate the kid’s death. Magic. She didn’t know how or why this thing had suddenly appeared but the only explanation for it was fucking goddamn magic. A new surge of panic filled her when she heard the sirens in the distance. “Shit,” she muttered. The last thing she needed right about now was another unexplainable run-in with the police with another dead body. Erin nodded wordlessly, running almost solely on adrenaline and fear at this point and followed Dakota out the doors. Didn’t even feel the shallow slash on her arm, more concerned with the sirens growing louder behind them and Dakota’s state of mind. Which, from the looks of it, was frazzled at the absolute very least.

Only once they were piling out into the parking lot, the cold air was smacking them back to reality, did Erin finally take a long, wavering breath. She didn’t even know how to approach this. Usually Erin was the one getting smacked with something like this, left flabbergasted and traumatized. And while she was both of those things, she felt a little more prepared than how Dakota looked. She stood, giving Dakota another glance over--she looked fine, physically. And that’s all she could hope for either of them at the moment. Clearing her throat, she glanced back at the theater one last time and then nodded towards the other woman. “So, uh--rain check on dinner?”

#you better watch out #wickedswriting #chatzy #chatzy: dakota #medical blood tw #just mentions but tagging to be safe

[darkdevasofdestruction]

Sheepless Sheep Girl ~Yin Zhi x Reader

Yin Zhi, the 3rd Prince, was a mystery for everyone living in the Palace, no matter their age, gender or even if they were his own relatives. He was truly an enigma that, no matter how much you’d try to decipher, you couldn’t. He was unique, a thorough individualist, and all he’d ever want to do is practice archery, study, read diverse literature books and enjoy a secluded life somewhere beautiful, all alone...Or perhaps, with someone by his side to understand him...

But he’s a weirdo, by everyone’s stuck up and closed-minded views, so he doubts he’d ever find anyone to actually get him and who he is.

He’s the 3rd Prince, after all, and since the 1st Prince died young, and the Crown Prince is a fuckass that everyone hates, people look at him to take up the reigns and become the best candidate to lead.

What a joke.

He couldn’t care less about trivial things like these - Being an Emperor is too much hassle than it’s worth. Too many responsibilities, too many people to hear and please, and way too many women and heirs needed...Too much socialisation, too many voices, lies, gossips, snakes and threats to deprive him of the peaceful life he always dreamt of.

Life, however, is an unexpected turn of events, and what was supposed to be just some basic archery training in some far away forest, and somehow, he ended up heavily injured, his horse running away, and he was barely able to keep himself standing.

He was beginning to hate himself for not telling anyone - Not even his eunuch - About his adventurous trip, so nobody would be looking for him any time soon...And maybe, by the time he is found, he will already be animal food, or dead from this wound overbleeding.

Perhaps sleeping at the base of this old oak tree wouldn’t be such a bad idea...

When he next opened his eyes, however, instead of feeling the hard bark of the tree he was leaning on, he felt himself in a weirdly comfortable...Bed? This couldn’t be...How COULD this be?

He shot up in a wild panic, only to feel a pair of hands on his bare, bandaged chest, pushing him gently back down on the bed. It was a beautiful girl with a gentle, yet exhausted complexion, eyes resembling those of a baby fawn, sweet and wet, filled with a myriad of emotions, and her hair looked shiny, long, let down, reaching below the waist, mimicking a gorgeous cascade.

“Please, don’t move too much. Your injuries were pretty grave. I disinfected and stitched them while you were unconscious, dressed them and...You risk ripping them and overbleeding.” she explained, gently brushing her fingers through his hair, getting it away from his face. “Who are you...? And how did you find me?” Yin Zhi asked in a tired, hoarse voice. “I am just a sheep girl. I found you by the Oak tree when I went out looking for mushrooms. I couldn’t possibly let an injured being die out there, helpless, could I?” she spoke with an amused smile...Her voice was so light and warming...What was so different about this woman that made her stand out so much? She’s no noble lady, she’s just some...Sheep girl, living alone, in the middle of the woods. “And how can a Sheep Girl treat such life-threatening wounds anyway?” his sharp eyes peered into hers, analysing her every single move and reaction. “My parents and I used to be the village’s physicians, so any little health issue would come our way. I may be young, but I have enough experience to treat such basic wounds like yours.” she got up, putting some more wood into the heater and stirring into the pot on the oven a few more times, she put stew in a bowl and taking a spoon, came back to sit by his side. “Then why do you live so far away from the village?” he murmured, getting in a sitting position with the help of the girl. “My...My parents died because of a new disease that struck the village. Many died...And while in that terrible state, my parents begged me to experiment on them to find an antidote...Which I did. It’s just...I got blamed for the deaths, so I was shunned. And here I am. Living out here, away from any problem, worry and annoying, stuck up people.” she shrugged simply, clearly used to the idea and the tragedy that befell her. “I see. I’m sorry to hear that.” the prince muttered, not knowing what to say in such a situation. “Don’t be. That’s how life is...Although, sometimes I miss socialising with actual people, not just with sheep.” she chuckled awkwardly, looking away. “It’s a peaceful place you’ve got here. I wish I could live in a secluded place, away from all the nosy and incompetent people out there.” Yin Zhi spoke out, almost without realising. “Would you mind sharing your story with someone you’ll never meet again, stranger whose name I don’t know?” she took the bowl away from him as soon as he finished eating. “Only if you vow to treat me the same as before.” his look changed into one of warning, but she was not intimidated in the least. “I’ve been away from socialising for a long time. Forgive my lack of manners, but I’ll behave with you the same way no matter the status you hold.” she shot right back, which made him smirk in delight. “My name is Yin Zhi, the Emperor’s 3rd Prince. And what is yours, mysterious physician?” he asked, waiting to hear the name of the brilliant woman taking care of him. “Y/N. Nice to meet you, Yin Zhi.”

Due to the gravity of the injuries, he had to stay for two weeks to recover, and in this time, he was able to discover who this girl really was, from her kindness, to her intelligence, her points of view, her choices in books, in literature, how versed she in sciences, in herbalism and many more.

Not to mention, despite his amusement about the 3 animals, grew fond of the family of sheep. Only one ram, one sheep, and a little lamb, all the named after her and her family.  The lamb, especially, was incredibly playful and affectionate with him, and would always try to stay around him, poking his cheeks with her wet nose, jumping on his lap, running around his legs and many more, which, for some reason, amused the man greatly.

He had so much to learn from this lone woman - In fact, so much more than many of the scholars, teachers, physicians and eunuchs in the Palace could offer him - And so, he didn’t think of his hunting accident as a misfortune, but as as grace from fate.

These two weeks in this place were truly all he ever dreamt of, and more, should he not have been in pain from his wounds, but by now, he was fully recovered, and as a thank you, he properly taught her how to use a bow and arrow, to protect herself and her sheep family from any potential predators, and more, he helped her build a better shelter for them.

However, like all beautiful dreams, one must wake up, and thus, he was forced to return to the Palace, with the promise of visiting again, and also, to help her with anything she needed, no matter the cost.

Yin Zhi cursed how dull Palace life was, and truly, he felt more all here, constantly surrounded by thousands of people, than away n the woods, with Y/N, so he did what he always did to escape reality - Succumb himself into studying and reading, and clearly, staying as far away from people as possible.

Days passed, then weeks, months, and his mind kept flying off to that great, peaceful time when he was all alone, just with her, some animals, away into the forest, and he could read at leisure without being interrupted by these annoying pests.

He almost wasn’t sure how much time passed, until he received a letter from his trusted Eunuch, from someone calling themselves “The Sheepless Sheep Girl” and worry started harbouring in his heart, as he began reading her words.

As stated, some thieves came by while she was away, picking berries from the forest, and killed her sheep, destroyed the crops and stole everything she had, and now she’s helpless, scared and has no clue what to do.

Darkness and anger flooded him for the first time in ages, realising that, to save her, he needed to get her into the Palace, maybe saying she was his new Head Maiden... What a difficult situation they both found themselves into.

Well, why should he care what anyone else thinks, anyway? He’s not going to be an Emperor, so he doesn’t need to be surrounded by concubines, consorts and whatever other useless women or different statuses and ranks that they did nothing to earn, so why shouldn’t she just be given the title of Imperial Physician?...HIS Personal, Imperial Physician?

Sure, only men have the privilege of having this title given, but she’s talented, well-versed and knowledgeable, so there’s no reason why she shouldn’t be able to be HIS Physician, right? She already saved him once, anyway. It’s not like the Emperor could deny or complain about it, considering he never asked for anything, and used his own power and knowledge to achieve everything he wanted.

She won’t even have to leave his Palace, if she doesn’t want to. She is a timid little doe who has no idea of Palace mannerisms, or how cruel everyone in this forsaken place is, and truly, the last thing he wants is to break her soul and taint her bright innocence and purity with the evil hanging around this polluted air.

Nonetheless, she needed to be taken care of, and so she will be, under his wing, without anyone interfering.

As soon as he got back to her place, Yin Zhi noticed how the house was in a terrible state, and she...Her face...It was obvious that she was exhausted. She was barely able to keep herself standing, she was weak, and her face was pink from the crying... This deteriorated state of her made his own heart ache, and that’s when he realised that he wanted nothing more than to protect her and her precious smile. He wanted her happy, by his side. It didn’t matter if she loved him or not, he just wanted her to shine brightly again, just as before.

He had his Eunuch find the best maid for her to attend her every need, and he found some petite girl called Shi Lian, with a soft voice, but very friendly, and with that, at least, he was content.

“Thank you...You did more than I asked you to...How can I ever repay you, Your Grace?” Y/N bowed her head down, speaking in a broken voice, almost as if feeling herself unworthy to be looked at by someone like him. “First of all, never call me that again. It’s only my name, for you, understood? Secondly, look at me, just like you used to. I won’t allow anything bad to come upon you ever again, I promise you. You saved me once...Let me save you now, Y/N.” he extended his hand for her to hold, as a way of asking if she trusts him. “...If it’s not asking for too much...Please take care of me, Yin Zhi. I trust you.” she gingerly held his hand in both of hers, raising it to her face, placing a soft kiss as a thank you. He realised that, compared to all the women in the Palace, her hands weren’t as soft and delicate, but more on the rough said, from all the hard work she had to put into taking care of herself. That’s a truly reliable woman, he thought, as he vowed to make sure she’s pampered at all times. “Anything for you.” his voice came barely above a whisper as he kissed her forehead, hoping she wouldn’t hear his heart’s confession...And yet, the soft blush on her face proved otherwise.

With each day passing, he could see her skin glowing, her eyes sparkling with life whenever she’d lay down at the base of the willow next to the pond as she would read one of the books he had in his library, her smile, dazzling as before, whenever some stray cat would get in his Palace garden and she would play with it, feed it, and somehow end up adopting it...Them...For there were many cats now in his garden, but it’s not like he could complain. He wasn’t the one doing the cleaning in his Palace, and he was content enough with seeing her happy.

She would sometimes play the flute while he was reading outside, or would pick up flowers from the field and make flower crowns for her and Shi Lian...And yet, on one occasion, she put one on his head while he was too absorbed in his reading to notice.

She wasn’t afraid to ask him for help to understand things she didn’t know from books he had that she wasn’t familiar with, and somehow, he never felt irritated by her - In fact, he actually felt his heart warm whenever he had to explain things to her - And the same went the other way around, when it came to science.

Not to mention how thrilled she was when she found out she was allowed to be a physician once again, just like long ago, and even more, she was bold enough to throw her arms around him, pulling him into a hug, that shocked him beyond belief.

And so, one day, when he came home, he brought a little gift for her... A little lamb that he named after her, to remind her of her little sheep family from before.

It made Y/N laugh with happy tears in her eyes, as she started playing around and cuddling the little lamb, even going as far as to let the baby lamb sleep in her own bed with her, and truly, Yin Zhi didn’t think it could get any better.

His life was finally beginning to shift in the right direction, the one he’s always dreamt of...Especially after one night, she lead him up the hill to watch the beautiful moon and the fireflies, holding hands as they lay on the soft grass and observing the stars, pointing out constellations, telling little legends, myths and stories about random things. He couldn’t help but admire her beauty highlighted by the silver light of Mother Moon, and how she looked like a dryad in that flowy, light green dress, and the fact that she looked ethereal without having to wear make up truly made it obvious how she was above them all without even trying.

For the first time in his life he felt completely enamoured, his heart was captured by this unique woman and he couldn’t help but put his hands on her delicate cheeks and kiss her pink lips that resembled the petals of the softest, most beautiful rose. He was never interested in love or women, he preferred to enrich his boundaries and knowledge, but this one...This one was truly something else. She was special, and he was making him feel special without even trying.

There was no doubt about it - She was truly the one. 

And he couldn’t be happier.

It felt like he was living in a fairy tale, the Prince and the Princess, having their happily ever after.

But like any fairy tale, there must always be something bad happening to the Princess.

He wasn’t expecting anything like that to happen - He was sure she barely left his Palace and nobody held any grudge against her. It’s not like she was trying to get up the ranks, or get the Emperor’s favour, she was just a simple girl enjoying the simple life he was offering her.

As he got back home, pissed off for having had to meet up with a neighbouring Princess for the 10th time this week, or, rather said, her father alone, for some reason - Princess that the Empress wanted him to marry, he got in the house, expecting to be greeted by his brilliant lover and her little lamb, or her adopted cats and dogs...But he wasn’t. Instead, he was greeted by a trail of blood that led out in the garden, and to his horror, the girl he held so dear to his heart was sprawled on the ground, he arm extended towards the pond water...

He ran to her, held her in his arms, checking for a pulse, that was faint, but at least there, so yelling for his Eunuch to call for the Imperial Physician, he was able to pronounce that she was poisoned, based on the tea served in the Palace’s tea house, and now, the question came - Who poisoned her?

Of course, the main suspect was her Handmaid, poor Shi Lian, but something in his gut told him that this girl was innocent. Perhaps he wanted to trust her innocence, for it resembled that of Y/N, or maybe he just wanted to trust Y/N’s own trust in her.

Every day and every night, he would be restless, unable to sleep, so he would hold her hand, caressing it, kissing it, kissing her forehead, wiping away the sweat from her face, making sure she’s comfortable, despite the state of agony her unconscious self is in.

“Ricin...” Yin Zhi heard a soft, barely audible voice, struggling to mumble coherently. “Ricin?” he asked again, louder and clear, hoping he didn’t mishear or hallucinate. “Nails...Tea...” she continued, as tears kept streaming down her face, as she was finally able to open her eyes, her breath ragged, as she was fighting with her own body to keep herself awake and coherent. “Ricin...Nails...Tea...So the culprit put Ricin poison in your tea...With their nails? Does that mean it was Ricin powder hidden in their nails, so when they went to help prepare the tea, they mixed it in your cup, correct?” he asked, hoping for an affirmative answer, which is confirmed with a slow nod. “Who was it, darling? Do you remember? A name, a gender, some distinguishing appearance traits?” he pressed again, feeling adrenaline surge through his veins. “Princess...Jealous...Yin Zhi...” she started coughing blood again, clinging on his arm to keep herself grounded, as he helped her drink a glass of water. “A jealous Princess...I know just who you are talking to. Don’t worry, darling, I will solve this and make sure she pays for her sins. Nobody dares harm my beloved dove and gets away with this.” it was obvious he was angry, and rightfully so, and yet, she held onto his arm, not wanting him to leave. “Don’t go...Please...” she whispered, looking up at him with tired, fawn eyes, that melted his rage away. “I will be here until you fall asleep, my dear. I promise.” he kissed her softly, and stroked her hair until she fell asleep with a smile on her face.

He had to deal with this bitch Princess, but he couldn’t just rat her out without being petty and have his revenge. He had to get his physician to prove she had ricin powder in her nails. He could only guess it must have been in her pockets, because a sachet would have been too obvious, so with more help from his darling Y/N, he found out she was wearing a yellow and pink dress with only one pocket on the right, so with the help of his spies, he stole that dress, and his physician found the powder right there.

He won, once again.

And now, it was time for the grand finale, before this stupid Princess would leave. He was going to marry Y/N even if it was the last thing he’d ever do in his life, no matter how angry and disapproving his father would be, or how much the Empress would be against it, since the Princess is from her own family.

So, as soon as Y/N was back in full health again, and discussed things with her, so she wouldn’t feel uncomfortable or surprised at what was going to happen, and so, he took her with him in front of the Emperor and the Empress, along with the Princess and her father, to present his case.

“The 3rd Prince summoned us here for a reason, correct? It is not often that you choose to be surrounded by so many people.” the Empress pointed out with a pleased expression, thinking she knew what was going on. “Your Highness, the Empress chose Princess Ruong Xian to be my bride, for she is of noble birth...Her own bloodline. I do not doubt that she is a capable woman with many attributes...One of this attributes being poisoning and deceiving a harmless, innocent woman, because of her burning jealousy. I do not think someone like her should be the wife of the Emperor’s son.” his voice was as cold and harsh as usual, despite his politeness, which created chaos among everyone. “Poison?! Me?! How DARE you accuse me of something so vile? I’m a woman, I do not study plants and poisons, that’s the work of a physician! And what do I have to be jealous of? This ugly, no name who’s nothing more than a hand maid? She has no way of competing with me!” the Princess’ passive voice twisted into a hideous glare, pointing accusatory at the sheep girl who was awkwardly standing right behind him, fidgeting with her fingers and looking down as to not attract too much attention to herself...More than she already did, that is. “My son, that is a grave accusation you are telling us. Knowing you, however, I do believe you have some kind of proof to prove it. I am listening.” the Emperor spoke calmly, knowing very well to trust his intelligent son who never crosses boundaries, breaks rules or does things for the sake of it. “Physician Li, bring forth the dress. Father, this woman I brought home, Y/N, was poisoned recently, and it was proved that the poison was in the tea. Ricin powder. Barely detectable, unless you are incredibly knowledgeable and used to working with plants and medicine, like Y/N, who was brought up in a Physician home, and continued the tradition. The only way Ricin powder could have been put in her tea was through powder brought on her nails, most likely brought in a pocket, for a pouch would be too obvious.” Yin Zhi explained the theory, which made both the Princess and her father yell at him for the disrespect brought. “You have no proof, 3rd Prince! How dare you accuse my daughter of something so evil? You are tarnishing not only our name, but the Empress’ as well!” her father scowled at him, and he could only give him a cocky smirk. “Your Highness, this dress is the one the Princess wore on the day of the poisoning. If we get it inside out, we can still see some powder inside, that on further examining, proved to be ricin powder, which completely proves the theory the Prince explained.” the physician spoke out, showing everyone the proof, and suddenly, the Palace of Mental Cultivation became quiet as a graveyard. “To think that the Empress’ own blood would dare do such criminal acts in my own palace! This woman, Y/N, has been nothing but helpful for the kingdom and our Imperial Physicians, and you dared attempt to kill her? That simply cannot go unpunished! Guards! Take the Princess and her Father to the Hard Labour Camp and give them 50 canes!” the Emperor rose from his throne, his voice loud and angry, not even blinking from the bloodcurling pitched shrieks of the Princess that were imploring the Prince to save her, nor of her father’s. “Yin Zhi! My darling, please, save me! Please, my beloved! You deserve someone pretty! Someone of high rank! Not some filthy shepard girl! Yin Zhi! My Prince! Please, have mercy! Pleaseeee!” she kept shrieking as she was dragged away, only for the Prince to not even spare her another chance. “As sharp and intuitive as always, my son. I’m proud of you and your choices. I am sure you would make for a great Emperor someday...And yet, I know that is not your wish, nor ambition, unfortunately.” the old man’s voice became more fatherly and nostalgic as he looked at his son. “Father, I thank you for your praises, but I am undeserving. I will be forever grateful for you accepting my decisions, and I hope today you will stand by it once again, for I want to marry Y/N. I know she’s of no royal blood, but since I won’t be an Emperor, I believe she would be the best person for this Kingdom. She is kind, incredibly smart, studies all the time, is well-versed in multiple subjects, including science, healing, poetry and music, she is altruistic and helpful to all people, and, as you said, she has been an incredible asset for the Physicians, and was the one to realise it was ricin powder in her tea, even in her delusional fever-induced state. I only ask for your blessings, father, so please, take everything into consideration when you give your answer.” the Prince spoke up in a bold and firm voice, which made the girl standing next to him blush furiously, as she wasn’t used to so many compliments, as Yin Zhi was one to show his affections indirectly, most of the time, not through words, but with actions. “I see...I can see you are smitten with this girl, and rightfully so. I believe she truly is the perfect choice for you, but with her status, she cannot marry a prince.” the Emperor began, making his son frown, only for the man to continue speaking right away. “That is why, for the marriage to take place, I shall give Y/N the title of Lady Shuyu, the title given to Wise and Virtuous women of the Palace, and I will officially give her the post of the Chief Imperial Physician, specifically your personal Physician, my son. Is that to your liking?” the Emperor’s eyes sparkled with amusement as he saw both his son and the girl next to him looking at him with shock in their eyes. “Thank you so much for allowing our love to continue, Your Highness. You are most merciful and benevolent.” the girl immediately knelt, obviously bewildered at what just happened. “Thank you, Father. You have our eternal gratitude.” he couldn’t speak much from the shock, as he also knelt as a thank you. “You have my blessings, my children. You deserve to be happy.” he smiled kindly, seeing as the left the Palace, holding hands.

Out of the Palace, the girl jumped in his arms, as he held her tightly, kissing the top of her head, finally feeling content and at peace with what was going on. They could finally live together, without anyone daring to utter a word against her, or try to sabotage her. Their life together in partial solitude could finally be a dream come true, as they could have a little house somewhere in the woods, back there where she used to live, if they ever want to escape this royal chaos they had to live in, and even better, they could live with all the pets they wanted, go out together in the dark, watch the fireflies, go for a swim in the lake, read together, practice archery together, all while facing no scrutiny or complaint.

They could finally live the dream life their heart yearned for all this time.

#legend of the phoenix #legend of the phoenix imagine #legend of the phoenix headcanons #legend of the phoenix x reader #yin zhi #yin zhi x reader #yin zhi imagine #3rd prince #yin zhen #crown prince #emperor #empress #china #qing dinasty #imperial china

[celsidebottom]

Rambling About my OCs: Take 3

With Season 5 of tma coming out, I figured it’s time for me to actually talk about my tma oc, Esme

(I’m going to try and keep this short but I have a LOT of headcanons and feelings about her so no guarantees)

TW for gore, bones, scars, fleshy stuff

Esme is from the Usher Foundation who is basically a transfer to the Magnus Institute because she is an expert on Leitners and similar books.  Elias was like, hm, how do I track down the idiot trying to undermine my evil schemes, and he started off looking for a nonviolent approach before -brutal pipe murder-  However, bureaucracy tied up the paperwork, and she didn’t get sent there until after Leitner was dead, and shortly before Jon’s name is cleared.

She started to learn about Leitners and other books (though of course his library was the most expansive) because she had a run in with one when she was young.  It was flesh-based, but instead of bones it dealt with skin. Mainly ripping it off of yourself. She was compelled to cut the skin from her legs while reading The Butcher’s Block and was barely found by her father in time before she bled out.  Because of this, though, she has massive scars, mainly on her thighs, so she never wears shorts or skirts and nobody knows about them save for her parents and her doctors.  She started doing research on books and the Usher Foundation scooped her up to do work for them.

Nobody trusts her, naturally, when she shows up in London.  She was called in by Elias and they’re just starting to understand how much of a prick he is – doesn’t help that he didn’t let anyone know to expect a new employee from America.  The Archives crew takes her out for drinks like “hey our boss is a prick and we’re all trapped here” and she’s just “uhhh… all this talk about Brexit has really messed you guys up, huh.”  But at the same time, she knows it’s true; she literally has the scars to prove it.

When they meet in the tunnels to plot against Elias, she does come along, and convinces Jon to use his compulsion powers to get her to reveal that she’s not hiding anything about this, all she’s hiding is that she carved off her own skin because of a Leitner and she doesn’t let anyone know about it, ever, except here, because she has no choice but she wants them to trust her.  During the Unknowing, she stays behind to run interference in case Martin’s arson plan doesn’t work or someone else stumbles on Melanie while she’s snooping.

Esme has always known that she’s moderately marked by the Flesh, but she also has an intense desire to Know things, to figure out how the books have powers, how the Entities manifest themselves in our world and in objects, and not just allowing “idk fear magic” as an answer.  During the Flesh attack, Jared Hopworth seeks her out and reminds her that she is one of them and the sooner she learns that, the better, but, until then, he’s going to take something so that she remembers.  He removes her right fibula in such a way that she has trouble walking afterwards and has to use a cane at all times.  

But, because of this and the Unknowing, Esme pours herself into a guidebook to the Fears, a sort of manual for the next generations of Archival Assistants who are tasked with stopping rituals and understanding the horrors of the world.  And, in so doing, she finally meets Helen.

It wasn’t that Esme avoided Helen, but she never had much need to see her, so she kept her distance. When it comes to understanding the Spiral, though, who better to ask than the Spiral itself?

Helen is skeptical, and it’s not as if there’s any possible way of understanding the Spiral except in understanding that it can’t be understood.  They get talking on the nature of monsterhood, and Esme explains that she believes anyone can be a monster, it isn’t a transformation that just happens when you serve an Entity, etc, it’s in one’s actions.  And eating people’s fear is weird and she’s glad it’s not happening to her, but at the same time, is it all that much different than a hawk eating a mouse?  It’s a twisted part of the circle of life, and she understands that.

We’re keeping this short, so I’m not going to go into detail about the long and extravagant flirting that takes place here, featuring Helen raising up Esme’s chin while discussing whether or not she’s a monster and Esme realizing that Helen could be as monstrous as she wanted to her and that would be more than okay.  Or the part where Esme brings her coffee with her to chat with Helen and offers her some, only for Helen to complain that it’s too sweet, and for Esme to start bringing in her super decked out coffee for herself and a hot black coffee for Helen while they hang out.  Or how Helen’s door starts being more of a feature in that room because she likes hanging out with this strange assistant who doesn’t quite know who she is yet.  

Anyway because I’m definitely not projecting (I would like to smooch Helen KnifeHands McWife!) Esme realizes that she feels safest when she’s with Helen, and they kiss and start their own unique relationship.  Esme is allowed into the hallways of the Spiral and Helen makes a bedroom for her there, so she doesn’t have to keep sleeping on the camp cots in the basements.  Helen may not need to sleep, but she winds up spending a lot of time in bed beside Esme.

The first time Esme wakes up there, she panics.  For a brief moment, she wonders if it was all a trick, and she walked right into the Spiral without thinking, without doubting.  But, as she said before, she is willing to accept that fate, because trust is more important, it’s something they all need, and she wants to trust Helen. Then Helen comes in with their usual coffee order and Esme realizes that it doesn’t have to make sense, it just has to be.

Helen has a feeling that Trevor and Julia are coming to the Archive before it happens, and she wants to keep Esme safe, so she opens up a door to somewhere else, like, “it’s okay, we’ll be safe here.”  But Helen sends Esme through alone.  To Hilltop Road.

Annabelle Caine owed Helen a favor (or allowed her to think the scales became unbalanced at any point), so Helen asked her to look after Esme while the Hunters are prowling around. This is also part of my headcanon that Annabelle is a rampant knitter, because here she is definitely knitting Helen and Esme matching couple scarves like “yes I know you’re freaking out but look aren’t they cute?”  Esme starts asking some questions and the ones that Annabelle likes, she answers.  

Especially after losing her fibula and needing a cane and to sit often, Esme has felt weak and helpless. She doesn’t want to be a burden, and that’s all she’s been recently, as evidenced by even Helen shoving her off when things were about to get hairy.  And Annabelle reminds her that there’s an easy way to fix that.

There’s a man out back who is still struggling to remove the remains of the tree that had been toppled over. He’s about the same height as Esme, and it’s not like he couldn’t live without his fibula.  She just has to take it.

Esme decides to give herself over to the Flesh in order to be strong enough to protect herself and the people she cares about.  She apologizes, but she pries up his skin and takes the man’s fibula for herself, discovering that she doesn’t much care for the feel of bone.  She can walk now, though, she can take care of herself.  

Helen returns, very apologetic, but she was worried, and Esme is like, you know?  It’s okay.  I know now that this is how this situation had to be and check it out!  I have a new leg bone!  

From there, Esme leans heavily into the idea that the Web has ordained all of this, and she was always meant to serve the Flesh.  And, truthfully, she enjoys it.  Bones are Jared’s thing, she focuses on skin.  It starts with taking skin from people to fill in the scars on her legs, just a strip here or there, and then she covers herself and becomes a patchwork of different slices of skin, all different shades and textures.  Except for her face, because Helen likes it, and her private bits, because she might be taking skin off of people, but she’s not creepy.  The Boneturner offers up massive amounts of fear right before the victim dies, usually, but Esme works by taking small bits, something that the person can survive, but it’s a constant reminder of what happened, of the being that came for them and how they are now a part of their collection.  

Helen helps her when she first starts out, though.  It’s hard to track down victims when you still have some doubts, so Helen traps people in her corridors, and allows Esme to practice.  It’s like a dinner date, for people who feed on Fear.  

 Now, I have two avenues here.  The first is that the Fearpocalypse happens.

Helen and Esme are able to do a lot more now, of course, since their Fears are more solidly manifested than ever before and there’s no need to hide.  Esme and Jared run into each other and he’s like “I knew you would come around.  Check out this guy’s skin I bet you’d like that.”  And she’s just “Yeah this guy has a really weird looking elbow you could use that for your fifth arm.”  

However, with the Eye watching literally everything now, the Fear they consume doesn’t taste right anymore.  It might be easier to get fear, to constantly feast, but it isn’t the same with the Beholding corrupting each course.  So, they agree to help Jon and co with whatever scheme they’re hatching to reverse course, even if it means turning against their other Avatars and maybe even their gods.

 The other story here is that there’s no Fearpocalypse (at least not until later), and Helen changes. She’s seriously injured and the next manifestation of the Spiral takes over.  Her name is Nia.  

Esme is furious and demands Nia give back Helen, she has to.  Nia has been cavalier and snarky up until she sees the tears in Esme’s eyes and she just softly apologizes, but there’s nothing she can do.  

Before Helen turned (this is in all storylines), she and Esme exchanged significant jewelry.  Esme gave Helen her necklace, which was the first frivolous thing she bought for herself after leaving home and starting her own life, and Helen gave her a bracelet that, well, it was important to the mortal Helen, and she’s never seen fit to take it off, even if such things don’t mean so much to her anymore.  The necklace that Esme gives her, though?  That means a lot.

Nia is wearing that necklace.  Every other aspect of her has changed, but that necklace is still there, her memories and feelings for Esme remain.  But she’s a different person now, and Esme is trying to grieve, but how much of what she felt for Helen was for the entity known as the Spiral?  How much is Helen?  How much is the amalgamation of everyone else the Spiral has consumed?  How much is Nia?  

She avoids Nia at first, but after a while she comes to terms with the fact that it isn’t Nia’s fault, and they can at least start fresh.  Nia is new to the whole Spiral thing, so Esme helps her out by scaring people into the corridors (they may need to open the door themselves, but that’s a more appealing prospect when some oozing skin monster is chasing you) so that Nia can get her fear too.  

And several weeks later, Esme remembers the whole thing about the Spiral is that it doesn’t make sense, and that’s just how things are sometimes.  She doesn’t know how much is Helen, how much is Nia, how much is the Spiral, but she can still care for the being in front of her now.  

Taking people’s skin and organs, etc, as she needs them, means that Esme is pretty much immortal.  The Spiral may change faces every so often, but she always waits for them to wake up and helps them come to terms with who they are.  She doesn’t fall in love with every iteration, but there’s a connection there that underlies all of that, and they become an unstoppable, horrible duo every time.

#tma #my very own magnus archives tag #rambling about my ocs #she does not have a last name yet tho #I have all this other stuff but not that #names are hard #she is also very much not a self insert obviously #that is entirely sarcasm #I too would like to be able to change my appearance and kiss the Spiral

[muthaz-rapapa]

StarPre Ep 29: Planet Saaman, the Frontier (??)

Alternatively,  “YEARSH, MOAR LALA!!”

Sooooo many things to discuss about this episode (yay!) as I expected as much with going back to Lala’s homeland.

Therefore, I should go through everything efficiently (ahahaha~). 

*cracks knuckles* Let’s begin!

1) Saaman, a world ruled by AI + Lala, the anomaly

I believe by now, most of us have consumed enough media to understand that a utopia run completely by a computer is NOT the ideal world it paints itself to be.

While there are certain perks in efficiency, the lack of freedom, authenticity and most importantly, the limit on a person’s individuality and true potential (among many other things) are so alarmingly concerning that such a reality is not worth it.

However, Saaman is just that. Its citizens not only thrive on their reliance of the AI, they are also super (!!) content with a machine deciding every single aspect of how they live.

Which suggests that Saaman’s current social infrastructure and foundation must have lasted quite long already (probably centuries) for the entire population to rarely, if ever, question the decisions that AI “Mother” made for them.

Save for one. Our lovely Lala-chan.

I mean, can you blame her for not going along with the norm like her family and fellow Saamanians do? 

AI Mother’s evaluation of her determined that she was most suited to investigate garbage.

After everything we’ve seen her done, how much she’s experienced and grown on this journey, of course, she can never be satisfied with that!

Lala deserves SO👏MUCH👏 FRIGGIN’👏MORE👏 (give her the galaxy!) than to sit hours upon hours sorting through junk!

Unfortunately, given the longstanding situation and culture of her planet (again, a reminder that the people of Saaman have no problem with this lifestyle), it would be incredibly difficult for anyone to actually voice their opinions of disagreement with Mother’s decisions.

Especially Lala, whose parents are big shots in Saaman and older brother is the poster child/epitome of Saamanian values.

When the majority of your family is so ensconced in societal conventions, it’s not surprising that they would push the “lesser” relative to be more like “everybody else”.

Please don’t make the mistake that this means they don’t love and care about Lala because it doesn’t. It’s so obvious that they worry for her and only want the best for her.

BUT! It’s also obvious that they don’t really know Lala nor can they be considered close to her (she calls her parents by their given names instead of simply “Mom” or “Dad”, for stars’ sake!). 

Lala’s family doesn’t understand her or her unhappiness with her assigned role on Saaman. They’re so content with their own jobs that they fail to see anyone else can feel differently about theirs. So the only solution they can think of to “help” Lala is to push her further into it, believing that eventually she’ll become content.

It’s something that happens to a lot of people and perhaps the reason why Lala left Saaman in the first place. She couldn’t exactly rebel so she ran away from the pressure on her spaceship. Maybe she didn’t intend to be away for an extended period of time but still, she left hoping to search for something that Saaman could not, would not, give her.

Then she fatefully bumped into Prunce and Fuwa running away from the Notrayders, met Hikaru, became Precure and the rest was history (or rather, destiny~).

At least, that’s how I see it.

2) Madoka relates

Y’know, at first, I thought Madoka empathizing with Lala’s discomfort was based on their similar upbringings.

Despite how close Lala and Hikaru are with each other, it’s Lala and Madoka who have the most in common out of all the other members of their team and I’ve been waiting for the writers to touch on that for some time now.

From birth or early childhood at the very least, everything was already decided for them. What they will be when they grow up, what their routines will be every single day, what expectations they’re supposed to fulfill, etc. 

It’s a suffocating position that doesn’t leave a lot of room for argument and what shaped these two girls into having very detrimental perfectionist outlooks before that changed after meeting Hikaru and becoming Precure.

And now that Lala finds herself under stucky circumstances with her family, unable to enjoy the same openness with them as she does with her friends, I thought Madoka was going to try to encourage Lala not to let that get to her. She’s going through the same thing with her own father, after all, so if anyone can tell Lala’s going through a hard time, it’d be Madoka.

But turns out, that’s not quite the case here as the issue lies with them keeping their Precure identities and duties secret from their families instead.

Which is fine because at least Lala still has someone who can understand her on that.

Anyways, it’s a problem because being the upstanding, honest and serious types they are (majimeko) and both coming from families with high reputations, it’s really difficult for Lala and Madoka to not tell the people who are important to them about another part of their lives that is very important to them.

For Madoka, she feels that she’s betraying her father by hiding the fact that her friends, the very first and truest friends she’s ever made, are either aliens or helping the aliens avoid being caught.

For Lala, she’s torn between her duties as a Saamanian and wanting the acknowledgement of her family and community against the desire the protect her friends from the consequences of acting on the former.

And they are right when they suspect things would probably be worst off if they were to reveal that they are Precure.

Sure, they can probably expect to receive some more substantial support from the officials of their home planet (more from the Starscape Alliance than Earth’s government, sorry Madoka)...but at what cost?

The Star team can operate and travel smoothly throughout space precisely because nobody else is aware of who they really are. If they reveal their identities, there’s no doubt they will be targeted to be controlled.

Because sadly and not to get too political or anything, that’s just what governments do. They have to control the situation, they have to think about the interests of their own countries and more often than not, they extremely suck at it and turn everything into a huge mess (and this is just massively simplifying the general for length).

If they let other people get involved, the team’s balance and even their friendship will likely absolutely be affected and strained because no way will the universe at large care about a bunch of girls getting along as much as they do about using them for its own needs.

Which I’ll get more into on Point #3 below.

But for certain, that’s one of the reasons why Lala and Madoka are unable to tell their families about being Precure.

Yes, it makes them very uncomfortable to keep this huge secret...a secret.

But at the same time, it feels even more wrong to expose it because once that happens, nothing will be the same. Nothing can stay the same.

Even if they avoid all the worse case scenarios, the ones who will definitely suffer the most will still be the girls.

Perhaps that sounds selfish because they’re putting their friends above everything else but it’s not like the Star team isn’t also doing their best to keep the villains at bay while trying to save the universe at the same time. And they’re already doing an exceptional job without anyone breathing down their necks about it.

*cough* Sorry, getting off track a bit.

Anyways, the point is, they’re following their instincts this time which is a BIG deal for people like Lala and Madoka who have tendency to lean more towards logic.

After meeting Hikaru, after letting Hikaru teach them about valuable things they didn’t know before, both Lala and Madoka learned that there is much more to the world than the structures built around them.

Sometimes, the right answer doesn’t lie in the data or the rules, cold and fair in judgement.

Sometimes, simply trusting what you feel is just more correct.

Nobody ever said doing the right thing will be easy (in fact, many times, it never is) but the heart can never lie to you after all. And it’s even more dangerous to ignore it and live through the regrets afterwards.

So which would you choose?

Going with what you feel and doing everything you can to get the best outcome? Or choosing the opposite, knowing that doing so, the best outcome becomes more impossible to achieve and you can only hope for the best of the worse?

Eh..my phrasing isn’t very good but you get what I mean, right?

Anyways, it’s just very meaningful for Madoka to be the one to say these words to Lala.

I wouldn’t say she and Lala have completed their personal journeys yet (we still have like 20 more episodes to go after all) but I do believe that this particular moment marks a very significant point in their arcs.

Having been exposed to more of the world out there beyond their own, they would never go back to being the same Lala and Madoka from the beginning.

They are still unsure about whether their choices will lead them to what they’re looking for but they both know there’s no point in looking back. They can only move forward, trusting in what they feel as right.

Which it will be and not just because this is Precure but because it will leave a very bad taste in my mouth if I wrote all that and the right doesn’t end up prevailing. :P

3) The next step...

I’ll give you a straight up “NOPE!” to that, Pops!

Apologies for letting some of my RL views seep into this post (though can you blame me when it’s been disaster after disaster out there?) but I’m positive that “joining” the Starscape Alliance (their terms, not Precure’s), no matter how well-intentioned they are, will hurt the Star team more than benefit them.

Again, cuz it will allow busybodies to unnecessarily butt into their affairs and make things harder for the girls than they already are.

Moreover...

This is just Lala’s boss being an incompetent ass-for-brains idiot but if the Starscape Alliance is anything like him or even thinks remotely like him, then the Star team coming under their control spells doom for all.

Seriously, this is another level of messed up stupid. They just got terrorized by a flamboyant tengu woman and the person he accuses of trying to steal the Princess pen is Lala?! Even though the wrecked video footage is NOT enough sufficient evidence to point her as an accomplice to Tenjou? Even though Lala’s safely holding onto the pen in the aftermath, is noticeably NOT running away with it and showing concern for her boss?

WHAT THE SERIOUS FUCKING FUCK?!?!

D:<

That said, I hope that in midst of all the chaos of next week’s episode, Lala’s family will at least refuse to believe Lala is a thief and try to find a way to talk to her to know what’s really going on.

Because if they can’t even do that and join the chase to jail their own daughter, then I have another concern to worry about and will immediately fly to Saaman, lay waste to it, take Lala home with me and file to adopt her as my own child (don’t laugh).

But seeing how Lala fought so hard, despite her awkward relationship with her family, to make sure Lolo’s efforts weren’t for nothing, I’m sure it’ll be alright.

Having both her parents and Lolo come to understand Lala would be ideal...but if not, then either one or the other. I’m banking on Lolo atm since he’s her twin but he can be the type who chooses the system over his own kin, too, so... 

The screentime we were given just wasn’t enough for me to grasp where each of Lala’s family members stand on their respective relations with her so I can only hope for the best. :/

Ooo, and also, Cancer Star Princess gets revived next week! Yay~! :D 

#i gotta go #spent all morning doing this #star twinkle precure #hagoromo lala #kaguya madoka

[impracticaldemon]

The Other Man’s Princess

Ikesen fanfiction by impracticaldemon ~ for acrispyapple, with thanks and best wishes, and for Vespe, Yuuki, and all my other Kenshin-fan friends!

Words:  5800 [Note:  about Kenshin, based on an incident in Masamune’s route]

Coming soon to AO3 and FFnet [but tumblr isn’t kind to links]

Summary:  Kenshin chooses not to kill Date Masamune when the enemy warlord is saved from imminent disaster by the unexpected arrival of the rumoured Oda princess.  The princess’ willingness to protect Date at all costs--and the fact that his enemy is obviously fighting injured--ruins the whole thing.  But what if somebody else wants to save Kenshin?

~~~~~

The Other Man’s Princess

Anna had known it would be a difficult battle.  She might not have the years of experience of the men and women around her, but she was observant, and it hadn’t taken her long to learn to read the signs.  At first, she’d only been able to gauge a situation by looking at the local inhabitants as a whole:  were the men cocky, serious, or grim? were the women resigned, tight-lipped, or overtly anxious?  After almost a year in the Sengoku—and a hard, dangerous year it had been, until recently—she was much better at understanding the nuances of war, and she noticed more subtle tells, such as increases in the price of food, and fewer merchants in the marketplace.

Sasuke arrived back at the castle first, as he usually did, to bring news to the reserve commander, Kurata, and to her.  She’d noticed he was troubled almost immediately, even though his first message was that Kenshin was safe, and that the troops were withdrawing in good order.  Apparently, the Oda had been able to bring up their reinforcements faster than expected, which meant abandoning the conflict for another day, when the Uesugi-Takeda forces had grown stronger.

“It was pretty bad out there,” Sasuke told her confidentially, once he’d given his formal report. “I’m glad Yukimura decided to retreat.  Lord Kenshin was—well, he was as unstoppable as ever—but the joint Date-Tokugawa cavalry had already targeted him once, and they would have gone after him again once the rest of the Oda forces arrived.”  His gaze became unfocussed for a moment, and he sighed.  “I would never say this to my employer—or to Yukimura—but it was pretty amazing seeing Tokugawa Ieyasu and Toyotomi Hideyoshi on the battlefield together, near the height of their powers.”

Normally, Anna would have smiled knowingly at his absurd-but-genuine adoration of the Sengoku superstars, but she could tell that he was worried about Kenshin, and that made her impatient.  She waved a hand in front of Sasuke’s face.

“Hey—ninja boy!”  She raised both eyebrows, and gave him a very direct, ‘stop-stalling’ look.  “I know you have to get back there—you always do—so you might as well tell me what you didn’t tell Lord Kurata.”

His eyes slid sideways for a moment, as they usually did when he was thinking, or embarrassed, or both, but they returned shortly to meet hers.  Sasuke’s expression rarely changed much, but she’d learned to tell the difference between excited-stoic and worried-stoic. This was definitely the latter.

“At some point during the battle, Lord Kenshin took off on his own, as he does, and he and Date Masamune ended up in a one-on-one duel—which is actually very rare, despite what you see in movies and stage plays.”  He paused, caught Anna’s expression, and hurried on.  “Anyway, I missed what led up to it, but I was in time to see the conclusion.”

“You were hurrying to Kenshin’s side to protect him, of course.  I’m sure it wasn’t just an opportunity to see two of the great swordsmen of the era in personal combat.”  Mentally, she face-palmed—hadn’t she just told Sasuke to skip the fanboy stuff?  It had to be nerves.

“…There may have been an element of extreme personal excitement—after all, Uesugi Kenshin and Date Masamune never met like that in our timeline.”

“Sure—go on.” 

“Just as I was approaching, Lord Kenshin disarmed Lord Masamune, who appeared to be injured. It looked like Lord Kenshin was going to kill Lord Masamune, but then an Oda soldier suddenly jumped out of the grass waving a rifle, and distracted Lord Kenshin by yelling at him to stop.  As you probably know, Lord Kenshin isn’t easy to distract when he’s fighting—or not for very long. But this time he stopped cold, because the voice was clearly a woman’s.”

“A woman?  Nobody ever lets me go off to Kenshin’s battles—not that I want to be in them.”

They exchanged a look.  Sasuke shrugged semi-apologetically; Anna shrugged in acceptance.  Kenshin would never want her anywhere near such a battle, and she knew enough, after two months of getting closer to him, not to push him too far when it came to her safety.  He was a wonderful, caring, fascinating—devastatingly beautiful—man, but he had wounds that she was still figuring out how to heal.  Patience and steadfastness were what he needed, and once she’d decided he was worth it—very early on, in fact—she’d thrown herself into the joy and the trials of being there for him.  

~~~

She’d originally met Kenshin in a town about a day’s ride from Kasugayama.  He’d rescued her from two brutish ronin who were intent on dragging her off as punishment for standing up to them on behalf of an elderly shopkeeper.  Kenshin had refused her thanks, but although he’d seemed cold—even rude—there’d been a quality about him, beyond his obvious beauty, that had drawn her in.  When he’d saved her from the same two men just a few days later, he’d criticized her survival skills, but he’d calmly walked her home, and he’d slowed his pace to hers.  More than that, he’d told her to be herself with the people around her, something she’d somehow forgotten how to do since being dumped into the Sengoku three months before.  It had been exactly the advice she’d needed, and she’d been grateful.

Not long after, she’d met Sasuke, who’d been shocked to discover another “future person” so close by.  He’d offered to bring her to Kasugayama, where it was safer and more comfortable, and she’d had little reason to refuse, and at least one good reason to accept.  In fact, she hadn’t been altogether surprised to discover that Kenshin had arranged for Sasuke to check up on her in the first place. Moreover, Kenshin hadn’t seemed to mind Sasuke’s seemingly abrupt decision to bring her to the castle, despite his reputation as a woman-hater.  She and Kenshin had spoken often since then, although Kenshin always came up with specific reasons for seeking her out, much to the amusement of his ally Takeda Shingen.

~~~

“…Yes, it was definitely a woman, based on the voice and hair.  She was pretty well disguised by her armour, but”—Sasuke stopped and held out a hand, as if to say, I’m so sorry, please don’t kill me—“she was awfully short for a samurai.”

He looked at her hopefully.  It took her a long moment to catch the reference, but then she groaned.

“Star Wars, Sasuke?  Really?  And that’s a really obscure reference.  You’re lucky my undergrad was science, honestly.”

“The original Star Wars movies are a key part of geek culture, sorry.  I guess she kind of reminded me of Princess Leia.  Though I suppose a Lord of the Rings reference would be more appropriate—you know, ‘I am no man!’ and all that.”

“Sasuke—”

“Lord Kenshin just stared at the woman, totally ignoring Date Masamune.  But she—well, she tried to shoot him.”

“But—you said he was fine!  Or did she miss?  I’m impressed she could shoot one of those old matchlocks, actually.”  And I am not feeling competitive.  At all.

“Lord Masamune rushed in and somehow managed to deflect the shot—actually knocked the barrel of the rifle up. He’s fast.”

“I don’t understand.  Why would he protect his enemy?  Was it some kind of dumb chauvinist thing?  You know—'can’t let a woman kill my enemy for me’?”

Sasuke gave her an odd look.  “Well…” he said slowly, as though feeling out his words, “you know how I said there’s a person like us living in Azuchi?”

“Yes… You mean it was her?!  And she tried to protect Date Masamune by shooting Kenshin?!”

Sasuke looked as unemotional as usual, but she was pretty sure it was a façade.

“It was an interesting event from a time-travel, or alternate universe, perspective.  A person who shouldn’t be there tries to kill a man who should already be dead—er, sorry if that was tactless.”  Sasuke blinked apologetically, but added, “And she does it for the sake of a man who died five hundred years before she was born.  You can imagine how I felt.”

“No.  No, I really don’t think I can.  What happened next?”

“I think Lord Kenshin was… very disturbed… by the fact that there was a woman there in front of him, clearly prepared to kill, and also, well…”

“Prepared to die?”

“Yes.”

All at once, Anna could imagine how the strange scenario must have affected Kenshin, and it suddenly became far more important to see him—to reassure him—than to hear all the details.  Especially with Sasuke’s unique editorial commentary. No matter how bizarre it was that another time-traveller had tried to kill the man Anna loved, during a battle that had never taken place in Anna’s—or the other woman’s—own history, the important thing was that Kenshin was probably hurting.

“Okay, just give me the gist of the rest, Sasuke.”

“Lord Masamune said he was ready to keep fighting, but Lord Kenshin put his sword away and walked off.  He said the fight wasn’t fun anymore, so he was letting them go.  I didn’t want to make things more tense, so I didn’t intrude.  Not that I left him alone, of course.  I made sure somebody brought him a horse.  But… he had that smile.”

“So Kenshin’s on his way home right now?”

“Yes.  This all happened yesterday.  I left mid-afternoon to report back here.  I thought… I thought you might want to know about it ahead of time.”

“Yes, good—thank you, Sasuke.” It came out sounding abrupt, so she tried again.  “I mean it: thank you.  You’re a good friend, and an amazing ninja.”

“Yeah, that’s me.  Your friendly neighbourhood spider-ninja.”  

The words sounded oddly lonely, instead of cheerful, but she let it go. She had reviewed her options, and made her decision.  “I’m going with you, Sasuke.  Don’t bother to argue.”

“…He’s not hurt, Anna.  I promise, if he needed medical help, I’d have told you.”  Anna had medical training, and had been working hard to learn Sengoku-era medicine—although it consisted mostly of inefficient herb-lore, last-ditch surgery, and opium, from what she could see.  At least Japanese doctors believed in cleanliness, unlike their European counterparts of the same century. And to be fair, a good doctor could diagnose and treat wounds, and set bones, and alleviate the effects of certain illnesses.  

“I think he is hurt, and I think you know it.”  She fixed him with what she hoped was a compelling stare. “Now wait for me right here—or better yet, find me a good horse.  It will take me less than ten minutes to change and grab my bag.  Got it?”

~~~

“You shouldn’t be here.”  Kenshin’s voice was flat, and Anna winced a little at his tone.

She’d known—based on Sasuke’s story—that he’d probably be struggling, emotionally, but it was hard not to react when it felt as though he’d suddenly decided to ignore how close they’d become over many weeks of conversations, quiet evenings out on the engawa, and even occasional disagreements. He refused to admit it, but he was extremely protective, and they’d had to sort out some framework they could both live with, where he knew she was safe, and she didn’t feel stifled. That was a work in progress, obviously.

“I was worried about you,” she told him, letting her sincerity speak for itself.  “I wanted to be beside you, so that I could see for myself that you weren’t hurt.”

“Why didn’t you stay where you were safe?  I’ve told you how dangerous it is to travel right now.  You should have listened to me.”

She could tell he couldn’t hear her—not properly—and instead of frustrating her, that settled her resolve to be patient and gentle.  Once she’d set aside her hurt at her chilly reception, she’d seen the expression—the fractured look—that hovered behind Kenshin’s cool stare and irritated, dismissive words.

“As I told you, Sasuke was with me the whole time, Kenshin-sama.  And I am always safest with you, wherever that is.”

Kenshin’s beautiful, mismatched eyes narrowed slightly, but they stopped moving restlessly around the room, and focussed on her face.  That was better.

“I—that’s not the point.  You should have waited for me.”

“I’m sorry I couldn’t wait.  I wanted to see you.  You’re important to me.”  Anna stretched out a hand to him, and Kenshin automatically took it, then looked almost comically surprised by his action.

They were kneeling facing each other in Kenshin’s tent.  Anna had dissuaded Sasuke from going in with her when they’d arrived, regardless of military protocol, and in spite of Sasuke’s evident determination to bear the brunt of Kenshin’s wrath.  After a certain amount of argument, Sasuke had admitted that it would be pleasant not to face a sword at his throat the moment Kenshin took in Anna’s presence.  Consequently, she and Kenshin were alone, which was for the best.  Alone in the immediate sense, at least—there were thousands of soldiers in the camp around them.

Kenshin cleared his throat.  She knew that he wanted to keep making his points about her safety, and about following orders, but he felt constrained by their joined hands, and by the comfort he took from her touch—something that he’d told her once, after enough sake to poison the ordinary man.

“…I suppose you’re here now.  And at least you came straight to me, and are unharmed.”  His gaze softened a little, but Anna didn’t relax her guard.  He was no longer cold, or frowning, but his smile remained disquieting.  “You know… If I can’t be sure that you’ll stay in the castle while I’m away, I may need to take better precautions to keep you safe.”

“I already feel safe,” Anna said immediately, working hard to keep her tone light, but firm.

“You aren’t always careful enough, Anna.”  Kenshin suddenly extended his free hand to caress her cheek and jaw, catching her off-guard.  Although he had once rested his head on her lap, and they often held hands lately—by strictly unspoken accord—this touch was new, and more deliberately intimate. It was also undeniably possessive.

“I appreciate your concern, Kenshin-sama,” Anna responded, as calmly as she could.  She did her best to focus on the tricky situation with Kenshin’s emotions, rather than the rush of warmth that flowed outward from his hand.  “However—”

“I sometimes wonder if I should lock you in your quarters, for your own protection.  You can be reckless.”  Both tone and expression were bright and brittle.

Anna managed not to react to the threatening words; she’d known that it was a risk to come out to meet him.  Instead of pulling away, she resolutely set aside her fear of being locked up in favour of conveying how much she appreciated his touch.  She covered Kenshin’s hand on her cheek with her own, and turned her face further into his palm.

“I know that it’s important for me to be careful,” she told him, “most of all when I’m not with you.”

Kenshin’s eyes narrowed, but after a moment of surprise—it obviously wasn’t the reaction he’d expected—sharpness gave way to interest, and a hint of amusement. His fingers on her face gentled and then stilled.

“Are you trying to persuade me that your journey here was undertaken with safety in mind? Because you are safer with me?” He stroked her cheekbone with the pad of his thumb, and she wished she could just relax and enjoy being—somehow—important to this very special man.

“I wouldn’t go that far…”

“No?”  Kenshin leaned forward, so that their faces were almost touching.  The humour had vanished from his two-coloured gaze. “That’s good… But you won’t promise to stay put.  And a woman doesn’t belong on the battlefield.”  His grip on her hand and face tightened again.  “How can I make you understand?”

“I understand, Kenshin-sama.”  She might not appreciate—or agree with—his declaration, but she also knew better than to take it at face value.  Kenshin was trying to use a simple, obvious (to him) statement to express a complex fear. “I know you don’t want me to go onto a battlefield, and I agree that it would be too risky.”  For now, anyway, she added silently to herself.  Sometimes it was hard to wait patiently, not knowing how things were going, wondering if she could be helpful.

“You say you understand, but—”

Anna could almost see the struggle going on behind his ice-sculpture features.  He knew, rationally, that she hadn’t been the woman on the battlefield when he was fighting Lord Masamune.  But the sight of a woman in mortal danger had clearly opened old wounds.  It made her sad to see him so obviously afraid, even when he expressed it as concern for her safety.  He was fearless by nature, and immensely strong, but that just made it worse for him.

“I have never ventured onto a battlefield,” she assured him. More slowly, she added: “And—I won’t.  Not unless you agree to it first.”  She’d given it a lot of thought during the ride to the camp.  It had been a struggle from the beginning to balance her modern views on freedom with the realities of life in feudal Japan.  But she’d decided this was a choice she could give up, for Kenshin’s sake.

“Well, I don’t agree to it.  And I won’t.”  Kenshin’s words were forceful. She would have been irritated, if she didn’t understand him as well as she did now.  “It would be foolish and pointless.  I won’t allow you to put yourself in such danger.”

“I will accept your decision.”

“You have to.”  He was torn between asserting his authority—the man was akin to a divine prince to his clan, after all—and seeking reassurance.  Not that he was one to invoke his rank, or power, explicitly.  It was just part of who he was.  Anna sometimes challenged that assumption of authority, as it applied to her, but she understood it.

“I mean it, Kenshin-sama.  I will not follow you onto a battlefield without your knowledge and agreement.” She couldn’t quite bring herself to say permission.  “You don’t have to force me to obey you. This is important to you, so I’ll let you decide.”

“Anna…”

“Yes?”

He remained silent, unable, or unwilling, to voice his thoughts.  After a time, he seemed to reach a decision that satisfied him, and he smiled.

“I will take you home.”

“You’ll take me back to Kasugayama?  I mean—now?”  It was getting late; the sun had disappeared over an hour ago.

“It will be fine.  I know the road well, and I can be back here well before dawn.”

“But…”  This time it was Anna who was at a loss for words.

Kenshin withdrew his hands, although he paused to stroke her hair in a reassuring manner.  Anna felt her heart thump almost painfully in her chest, and for just a moment she forgot how to breathe.  Which was ridiculous!  He affected her like this, more and more as time went on, but she could never decide what part of the attraction was his physical beauty, and what part was everything else—his integrity, his (constantly denied) kindness, his strange combination of strength and fragility.  Or maybe she’d been truly lost when she’d come to believe that he needed her?

“We’ll just take one horse, to avoid being separated, or attacked.”  The brisk, almost enthusiastic, statement brought her sharply back to earth.

“But, why do we have to go at all?  You must be tired…”  Not that he ever seemed tired after even the most gruelling battles.  This time, though, she saw traces of strain.

“We’re not far from the castle, by horse.  It’s much slower for the infantry, of course.”  Kenshin regarded her intently, frowning a little.  “Or are you tired after riding here?  You can rest, and have tea, while I hear Sasuke’s report.”  His expression changed when he mentioned Sasuke, and Anna suspected there would be swords involved. ‘To be expected,’ Sasuke had told her.

“Kenshin-sama.  Isn’t there room for me in the camp?  I thought it would be pleasant for you—for us—to see each other, even if you didn’t have much time to spare.”  

Of course, she didn’t say that she had needed to make sure for herself that he was coping all right with his strange encounter with The Other Woman—the other time-traveller—who isn’t The Other Woman in any way, why did I even think that? Ugh!  It was annoying to realize that there had been a twinge of jealousy in her sentiments toward a woman who might even be a friend, if they could ever meet.  Or maybe I’m just worried that it isn’t me who’s special, and any woman from the future would be new and interesting?

“It’s better to return to the castle.”  Now his tone was flat, and that caught her immediate attention. “I”—uncharacteristically, he seemed to change what he was going to say—“appreciate your effort in coming here.” Even though they weren’t touching, she could sense tension return to his body as fairness warred with instinct. “It wasn’t wise of you, but you were anxious.  Women are emotional.”

As if you aren’t!  Amazingly, she managed to keep that to herself.  It was worth being patient if she could help.  Kenshin had come to terms with her arrival relatively quickly, had even seemed reassured to have her near—for a short while.  But now he wanted her back in the castle, and it might be more sensible to give in.  Hopefully, he wasn’t serious about locking her up.

“If we’re going to go back, then I’d rather leave sooner than later.” Certain parts of her body wanted to protest the whole idea of getting back into the saddle, but she was starting to catch Kenshin’s restlessness.  Or maybe they both wanted to be away from others for a while?

Kenshin nodded, relaxing, but he scrutinized her closely before rising to leave the tent.  When Anna moved to follow him, he waved her back.

“You might as well rest a little.  I have to talk to Sasuke either way, and it may take me some time to get away.”

“But I thought—”

“I won’t go far”—Anna was quite sure he wouldn’t—“so don’t worry.  Get some rest.”

He spoke brusquely, and left the tent without looking back, but Anna was only briefly discomposed.  She guessed that Kenshin had noticed her fatigue from the earlier ride, and was giving her an excuse to recover before starting back.  Of course, he’d made it impossible to refuse.

~

They left an hour later.  Sasuke saw them off, his face even more unreadable than usual in the gloom.  He appeared to be uninjured. The moon was still low in the late summer sky, but approaching full; its light dimly illuminated the path they’d be taking through a rippling series of hills and valleys.  There wasn’t much flat land in Japan, once you were away from the sea.

Kenshin had insisted that Anna ride with him for safety’s sake, but she hadn’t needed convincing.  The rest had helped, but while Kenshin knew every part of this route, and rode as easily as he walked, she had no such knowledge, or skill.  Privately, she thought that the danger of falling off her horse, or guiding it into a hole, far exceeded the chance of being attacked. She couldn’t imagine any bandits stupid enough to prey on the roads this close to Kasugayama.  Besides, she’d come to be with Kenshin, so why wouldn’t she ride with him?

“Are you comfortable?”

“Yes, thank you, Kenshin-sama.”  

It wasn’t quite true, since she’d become unexpectedly self-conscious from the moment he’d lifted her into the saddle and seated himself behind her. His arms were warm around hers, and it was impossible not to be fully aware of his—taut, lean, muscled—body against her back.  They both wore thin summer clothing, and despite Anna’s light haori, worn in deference to the damp night air, she felt as though they were practically skin-to-skin. She was glad she was facing mostly away from Kenshin.

“Do you always ride so stiffly?  No wonder you were tired.  Didn’t Sasuke teach you to ride?”

“Oh! No… I mean, yes, maybe that was it.”

Kenshin shifted, transferring the reins to one hand, and tightening his other arm around her.  She tensed, and then gave up and settled back against his chest.  How could she resist?  She wondered if her heart-beat was as loud to Kenshin as it seemed to her. Probably not.  Right?

“Are you sure you’re all right?  You seem alarmed.  There’s nothing to fear while you’re with me, and we have no need for haste, so I won’t push the horse.”

Or maybe he had super-human powers of observation, when he wasn’t focussed on other things.  Looking down, she realized that his hand was wrapped carefully around hers, and his thumb was pressed to her racing pulse.  Of course.  So he had noticed her pounding heart-rate.  While riding a battle-trained horse through the near-dark on a winding, hilly trail.

“I’m not alarmed.  I’m not afraid of being attacked, I’m not afraid of falling off, and I’m not afraid that you’ll go too fast.  You pretend it’s not true, but you are very considerate of me.”

He was loosening up as he rode, she could tell.  She, on the other hand, was struggling to keep her cool. Kenshin’s voice carried warm breath past her ear as they rode, and it was yet another distraction to add to all the other pleasant-but-possibly-inappropriate distractions happening right now.  She wondered, again, what he really thought of her.

“Is it considerate to make you ride through the night with me after you have just endured the same ride in the opposite direction?”

“Mm, okay, I’m not sure on that one, but if you’ll tell me why, then I can answer your question.”

“You can be very stubborn.”

“So can you.”

“…I’ve heard that before.  I wish you wouldn’t quote Shingen at me.  It’s annoying.”

He was ‘annoyed’ enough to tighten his grip on her, but it felt a lot more like a hug than anything bad.  Anna realized that she’d be very okay with hugging him back, if they weren’t on horseback, on a difficult trail, in the middle of the night. Inadvertently, she sighed.

“What is it, Anna?”

“Nothing.”

“Ah.”  His breath tickled her ear again, and then—and then—he softly kissed her temple.

“Kenshin!”  Did she really squeak like a fangirl just there?  Yes, yes, she did.  Damn.

“Sasuke told you about the woman—Date’s woman—didn’t he?”

“Um—yes?”  Context? Hello?  Did you just move from kissing me to asking whether I knew about the other woman—no, the other time-traveller who just happened to be a woman?  She was curious, irritated, and a little ‘glowy’ all at once.

“And that’s why you came to see me?”

“Yes… I suppose that’s true.  I was worried.”

“There was no need to worry about me.  Sasuke sometimes—frequently—oversteps his bounds.”

“I worry about you, Kenshin-sama.  I care about what happens to you, and I think about what you’re doing. I wonder if you are all right.”

“I didn’t want you anywhere near the battlefield.  Or in an armed camp full of men.  Sasuke shouldn’t have brought you here.”

Okay, now what?  

“Is that the answer to why we’re riding through the night like this when you should be back at camp overseeing your army?”

“There were a lot of wounded.  Oda Nobunaga—and in this case, Date Masamune and Tokugawa Ieyasu—is a worthy opponent.”

She wanted to point out that he’d just changed the subject again, but over their time together she’d become adept at following his thoughts.  It took an agile mind, and a certain intuition, but she could do it.  Sometimes, she made him spell it out anyway, but it was so comfortable being with him like this that her inclination to push back was waning rapidly.

“You didn’t want me to insist on tending the wounded?”

“I didn’t want you wandering camp—it would be dangerous and inappropriate.”

Inappropriate?  She wasn’t sure whether he meant that she might see, or hear, inappropriate things, or whether he was just being weirdly jealous.  Come to think of it, he could mean both.

“I don’t think I would be in any danger in your camp, with you nearby,” she said, seriously.  “But I travelled to the camp for the sole purpose of seeing you, and even if I didn’t like it, I would follow your instructions while at the camp.”

“She saved Date’s life, you know.  I probably would have killed him before Tokugawa could get to him.  Though he showed surprising stamina for a man who I suspect was badly wounded.”  Kenshin’s assessment was ungrudging—he admired courage and strength in friend and foe alike. “I look forward to a proper fight in the future.”

“Setting aside your quest for a suitable opponent…”  Anna leaned her head back more securely against Kenshin’s chest, and suppressed a sigh of contentment.  “You know that I’d do a lot to save your life, right?”

Kenshin immediately tensed.  “You promised—”

“But you have my word that I won’t chase you onto a battlefield.”

“Good.  I don’t need you to.  You’re a very strange woman—I shouldn’t have to make you promise not to subject yourself to… all that.”

“In exchange—”

“You’re trying to bargain with me?”

“I’m hoping you’ll hear me out.”  She took the silence that followed as assent, if not happy assent.  “I want you to promise you’ll live.”

“You what? That’s—”  He stopped abruptly.

“I’m very sorry if I’ve upset you, Kenshin-sama.”  She hadn’t wanted to.  She’d much rather have ridden on without conflict.  “But I care about what happens to you.  It will make it easier for me to stay away from battles, or war camps, or whatever, if I know that you are doing your utmost to come back safe and sound.”

“You don’t need to worry.  Nothing ever touches me.”

“Kenshin-sama… I trust you.  So if you tell me that you will do your utmost to live, then I will believe it.” She’d try, anyway.  But it would help a lot if she knew he cared enough to come back.  She’d heard the whispers that he couldn’t be touched, couldn’t be killed, because he was the so-called God of War.  It just made her more worried, since she’d already noticed a certain sad fatalism in Kenshin.

They rode in silence for several long minutes after that.  Kenshin’s grip on her slowly relaxed, but remained strong enough to be reassuring.  She found she had to keep pressing her lips together not to add to what she’d said—whether to cajole, or entreat, or just argue.  Eventually, she heard Kenshin sigh, but gently, like a release of pent-up breath.  He drew the horse to a careful stop, allowed the reins to loop over the pommel of the saddle, and wrapped both arms around Anna.

“I told Date Masamune that dying for love was the worst kind of foolishness.  And it was both of them!  She risked everything to be there—she’d already interposed herself between us once, earlier in the fight, although neither of us knew it.  But Date was worse.  He was losing, he’d just dropped his sword, and he still had the nerve to knock away his woman’s killing shot.”

“Bravado?”  She’d suggested that before, but Kenshin hadn’t answered her.  Right now she cared more about Kenshin talking to her, and holding her, than anything else, but she was still a little curious.

“No, worse.  He didn’t want her to have to kill.  He didn’t want it to change her.  I didn’t hear all of it, but that was the gist.”

“I think that’s—” Anna stopped on the edge of saying that she thought it was very sweet.  More than just sweet, it showed true caring and protectiveness.

“It was ridiculous.  He endangered both of them by not letting her shoot.  I had to let them go after that.”

“Of course you did.”  Because he was a good man, and had too much integrity to pursue a fight under such circumstances.  And probably because seeing the woman there shocked him.  But either way, it was just like him to refrain from mindless killing, despite leaving an enemy commander alive.

“I wasn’t being kind.  They took all the enjoyment out of the fight—both of them.  …And I’d heard Date was a ruthless adversary, the kind of man who didn’t let sentiment come in the way of his duty!”

He sounded peeved, Anna thought.  She had to smile.  She hid her face so that he couldn’t accuse her to laughing at him.  Then she felt a kiss on her hair—the first of several. Her body temperature seemed to rise with each kiss, and the way his hands were stroking her back.  She didn’t protest when Kenshin finally lifted her face up to his and pressed his lips to hers.  A hand slid into her hair, and their kiss deepened, becoming more passionate.

When it finally ended, they were both short of breath.  Anna wondered if she looked as startled and—happy?—as Kenshin.  Probably worse, she decided.

“You’ll stay safe?”  He spoke almost too softly to hear.

“I’ll do everything I can to stay safe.  How about you?”  The moonlight turned his hair and eyes to silver; he looked almost otherworldly.

“I’ll—You know I’ll need to go on fighting?”

“Yes.”  She wouldn’t debate the need, or whether it was personal, or duty.

“Yet you still want me to stay safe?”

“I want you to promise to keep yourself alive.”

“I can do that.”

“Then I will promise to stay as safe as possible, and to stay alive, for you.”

“Anna, you are—”

“Very strange?”

To her surprise, he laughed—she wasn’t sure she’d heard him laugh before.

“I was going to say stubborn.  And hard to resist.”  He stopped laughing, and bent to kiss her just below the ear, in a way that made her gasp.  “Also, right now, I want you all for myself.”  He kissed her jaw, and the corner of her mouth.

Anna hummed her agreement.  That wasn’t a problem:  she wanted Kenshin all to herself, as well.  Really, this moonlight ride made perfect sense, now that she thought about it.  She’d just have to count on Kenshin to keep her from falling off the horse.

[END]

A/Note:  I hope you enjoyed this foray into the “okay, but what about Kenshin?” or “and in the background...” or “off-stage...”  If you get a chance, let me know what you think!

Note 2:  I didn’t tag anybody, because tumblr search isn’t good about *any* links anymore, including links to people on tumblr (eyeroll).  I’m still trying to figure out a work-around for this! 

#ikesen #ikesen fanfiction #uesugi kenshin #ikesen kenshin #imp writes #acrispyapple #drama and a bit of fluff #canon-based masamune's route

[bucket-girl]

Chapter 2-1 Personal Info logs

In chapter 2, it’s possible to buy the personal info of Nao, Reko, Gin and Q-Taro with tokens, but it’s easy to miss. Reloading saves and redoing minigames is a hassle so I wrote them down for convenience. Most of them are in the form of conversing with AIs, I’ve put Sara’s lines in italics. Text under cut.

Gin > History ...History? What should I talk about, woof? "Hm... Just an introduction would make me happy." Gin Ibushi from Heiwa Elementary Class 6-3! I'm 12 years old, meow! I take care of the animals, meow!! "Is school fun for you?" Hmm... It's not that fun 'cause of some guys I don't like, meow. But it's fun to meet friends, woof! We play games together, meooow! "Do you wear that outfit to school, too?" Nah, because people get mad. It's only when I'm at home, woof! ...It's kinda easier to talk when I wear this, meow. But I can't wear it to school, so I get uneasy, woof. So people at school tell me I'm obedient, woof! But that's wrong... meow... My aspirations are to live with animals all the time, meow! "Heehee... What kinds of animals?" I'm way into gators right now, meow! They're cute, wooooof!

> Physical Info I'm 138 centimeters and 35.5 kilograms, meow! That's 4 foot 6 inches and 78 pounds, woof! And I grew 2 centimeters at my last checkup, meow! "Your growth spurt and voice change must be coming up soon." Obviously, meow! I'm gonna be bigger than you, big sis Sara! "Ahaha, I'm sure you'll look really cool. I've got high hopes for you." Yeah! I'll sweep you off your feet, meow! Be grateful, woof! "Okay, let's make it a promise." Got it, meow! A promise for when I outgrow you, woof!

> Relatives My family's a double-income household, meow! I don't have siblings, so... It's lonely when I'm there by myself, meow... My mom's super nice even when she's exhausted, woof. No matter how late she gets home, she always makes dinner... And no matter how much I tell her not to overwork herself... "Do you like your mom?" I love her, meow! I'm worried how she's even busier lately, woof... "What about your dad?" I don't like some things... but I like him, meow. But I super hate when he's a drunkard who causes trouble, meow! It's embarrassing, woof! And he's always getting yelled at by mom and apologizing, so it's like he's got no dignity, woof. I don't wanna be that kind of pathetic grown-up, meooow! ...But I'm sure I won't, meow. 'Cause I'm not blood-related to dad, woof. "Huh...?" I heard he married mom when I was 2, meow! So that genetics stuff won't make me turn out like him, woof! "Is that so...?" Well, it's not like I hate dad, woof. It's true, meow!

> Death Game info I dunno, meow... It's scary, woof... What's dying feel like, meow...? "I... don't know either." I don't wanna never meet mom and dad again, meow... Big sis Sara... are you scared too, meow? "...Yeah, I am." "...Really scared..." .......... I'll definitely protect you, meow! Come see me anytime, woof! "Heehee... Thanks..."

> What he holds dear What I hold dear...? That's hard, meowww. Hm... It's gotta be mom and dad, meow! I'd be sad if they went away, woof! Ah! And the Mew-chan cushion I'm always with! They're super precious to me, meow! We're always together, so I forgot, meow! Sorry, Mew-chaaan! Woof... "Mew-chan is family to you too, huh?" That's right, meow! I got seriously mad when dad was gonna throw them away, meow! Unforgivable, woof! Get me a new one?! No way, meow!! You're a dummy, woof! I'm getting furious just remembering, woof! Mom should yell at him again, meowww!

Q-Taro > History I was raised up in an orphanage that's just a mite bit weird. Had people from all sortsa countries. I got a lotta dialects and stuff mixed in me... 'Course, they sent me to compulsory education up 'til high school. Can't thank the place enough. An' now, I'm a pro baseball player. ...Kiddos at the orphanage root for me, too. I wanna hurry up and show 'em... That even guys in situations like ours can get on a mound and have the stadium roarin'... Well, point is, I got no history yet. I'm about to be makin' some radiant records! Better get yer autographs early, Sara!

> Physical Info 6 foot 4 inches! 230 pounds! And lemme tell ya, it's all muscle, not fat! My position's pitcher, but I got confidence in my batting, base-running, and fielding! But my greatest weapon's my head. Gotta be smart to be a first-class athlete. "Is that how it is?" 'Course, I'm reflecting on the time I tore apart those puzzle rings by force, but...

> Relatives .......... "Is it hard to discuss?" Nah... there's just nothing to discuss. 'Cause I've never seen my birth parents' faces. Only place I knew was the orphanage. That's why... the people there were my moms and dads. Doesn't matter our blood relation. But, well... I do get thinkin' sometimes. What kinda people was I born to, and what kinda genetics do I got...? I started baseball jus' for fun, but... I've thought how if I pitch as a first-string pro... maybe my birth parents'll be watchin'. "...Do you want to meet them?" If we could talk and laugh it up, that'd be the best. All at ease, like "I'm havin' a great life"...

> Death Game info Huh, you're doin' this Death Game, right...? Knowin' me, I doubt I got even the slightest notion of dyin'. Hell, to a second-stringer, baseball's a Death Game with my life as a player on the line! But to do some self-analysis... I wonder if maybe I'll try an' win within the rules of the game... In the saga of a sports player, ya tend to forget about breakin' the rules. Maybe somebody like you, young and not knowin' fear, is more suited to findin' a path to survival. "...Is that so..." ...Sorry to make it sound like it ain't my business. I mean look, I'm an AI, y'know?

> What he holds dear Hold dear, huh... The caretakers at the orphanage, the kiddos... Of course, baseball, and... Myself... probably. I ain't gonna sugarcoat it. I don't wanna die, and I don't want the people I like to die. So I don't like to kick people... But if I gotta, I got the resolve. But I hate the kinda asshole who's got that as their first thought! ...Sorry for gettin' all fired up. Shouldn't have said that all cocky-like when you're involved in it... Don't you mind me.

Reko > History Err... I'mma super cool, 23-year-old singer-songwriter... Something like that? I've liked music since I was a kid. Classical, folk, heavy metal... I listened to all of it. Think around grade school, I found myself starting to compose and write lyrics. My instincts moved my body. That was a fun time... People praised me, and my parents were just plain happy... Once they started calling me a gifted kid... Then there started being more noise. Old bastards in the music industry wanting money... My pops craving the limelight... Before I knew it, I was making music that my heart wasn't in. In middle school, I rebelled. I was a rocker! I made tons of songs nobody even wanted! But even then, noise swarmed around me. Man, even my spirit had to give in. From high school on, all the spice was gone... Didn't even have anger... My activity dried up. I had tons of chances to be famous. But I smashed 'em all. I was totally just the industry's problem child. Everybody kept their distance from me. Once I couldn't even gather members, I borrowed Alice to make a band... Hahaha. Then two and a half years ago... He caused that incident... ... Well, at any rate, I am who I am now 'cause of that shitty past. Learn something from that, Sara?

> Physical Info 5 foot 7, 121 pounds. Pretty proud of my reflexes! And I can remember choreography in a snap, so... My memory's bangin'! Well... I'm not great at baseball and stuff... Hell, maybe I'm not great at anything that's got nothing to do with music. "By the way, what are your measurements?" N-No reason to tell you that, right?

> Relatives Family... Well, uh... ...I like my mom. Though she's a little weird. She's affectionate... and I cause her lots of trouble. Yeah, I gotta show my appreciation more. My old man... Well, he's a good guy... But let's say he gives in to temptation. He's not the most true to his convictions. I hated him for the longest time... But he's woken up now, and gone back to his plain and simple personality. After them is... Alice, huh. He's... what should I say? Why'd he do something like that...? A while after he got arrested... I left music Ahh... I just remembered. At the time, I wrote in my diary, which is rare... I wrote that music, the thing I'd poured my soul into all this time... suddenly felt like a cold series of notes... this inorganic thing. I wondered, was this how music sounded to people who didn't care about it...? ......... I always thought I didn't care about my brother, and never listened to him, but... Truth is... Maybe I was a little jealous of my normal brother. And acted that way out of spite. ... ...You shouldn't ever murder somebody...

> Death Game info Why do I gotta go through this shit...? Do we have anything in common...? I haven't got a clue...

> What she holds dear Believe it or not... I think family's important, right? I wanna show appreciation to my parents. But like, right now... The original me is being put through this Death Game, yeah? If she dies, she can't do... anything. So when you think of it like that, what's important's my own life, ain't it? "...What about your instruments?" Instruments...? "When I first met Reko... I heard she treasured her bongos." Bongos...? Well, sure. I'm playing bongos in my new band, but...

Nao Unlike the others, Nao's personal info comes as documents you can read wherever. > History Egasaki Elementary School ... Graduated Egasaki Middle School ... Graduated Third Kurotsuki Private High School ... Graduated Takesasa Private College of Art ... Currently 1st year Middle-class, born and raised by a very ordinary family. School grades below average. Focused on art starting in high school, and now seems interested in pursuing only that. Looks up to an art club advisor she met in high school, staying deeply intimate with him even post-graduation. Often seen going to the man's atelier. Doesn't appear to have many friends, but has a long association with most she does have, so it's suspected she values relationships. Also, refrains from going out at night, generally staying at home even on days off. No information known on what men she associates with.

> Physical info Nao Egokoro Age: 19 Gender: Female Height: 162cm (5'4") Weight: 55kg (121lb) Has little experience in sports and the like, limited to P.E. classes in compulsory education. Even so, her reflexes are poor. Perhaps due to her inclination toward art, she has very good eyesight. Her ability to remember a scene for a long time or recognize the individual flaps of a bird's wings is within reason, yet superb. Since much of this comes from practice, about the only thing that can be called a born talent, it is thought, is her passionate love for art. No other notable characteristics, although she has a large bust. (Sara will remark that the last line is harassment and tear it out)

> Relatives Born to a middle-class, extremely average family. Both parents are in good health. Having good relations with them, her situation is common yet happy. The father has been an office worker for 20 years. The mother has carried various jobs. No siblings. The father is under his wife's thumb. When they fight, it appears Nao Egokoro often defends her father to resolve the conflict.

> Death Game info Safely cleared the First Trial. Survived the first Main Game. Greatly affected mentally by death of her teacher. Took off with teacher's head and ran amok. This could be taken as mental weakness, but endurance of great shock could make her that much more mentally sturdy going forward.

> What she holds dear Most likely, Nao Egokoro treasures the artworks she has created, and brushes et al. received from her high school teacher. Due to minimal desire for money, she does not seem the type to want expensive things.

#your turn to die #kimi ga shine #yttd #gin ibushi #q-taro burgerberg #reko yabusame #nao egokoro #yttd spoilers #I'm not sure how to structure this any better #my posts

[kikcalum-blog]

no more bad days (part one)

prompt: after losing their home, shawn and his girlfriend must learn to navigate their newfound hardships of life together. [reader insert!]

words: 3.2k

category: fluff, some angst

a/n: i did not copy this from another user because i am that other user. thank ya:)

Shawn stuffed his face further down into his scarf as the two fought against the harsh snow falling down upon them. He held Y/N close to his side and gripped his suitcase a little tighter, grunting when he felt her begin to slow down.

“C'mon, baby.” Shawn nudged her gently, motioning just up the road. “We’re almost there, see?”

The city’s streets were unbearably silent save for the whizzing of freezing air that seeped into their skin and chilled their bones. He could tell she was extremely tired and cold just as he was, but he refused to let her give up now when they were so close.

He could hear her sigh of relief when he finally reached out to open a door, warm air hitting them instantly. Shawn quickly dragged her into the building and turned around to face her, examining her better now that they weren’t being berated by the snowfall. Her arms seemed stuck to her body and nearly her entire face was covered to keep out the cold, only her snow-frosted eyelashes peeking out.

Shawn moved his hands to begin unraveling her many layers until he finally saw her face, her pout and her flushed cheeks shattering his heart. She said nothing as she did the same for him, taking special care to run her delicate fingers over his cool cheek that was finally beginning to regain its color. Once they were finally done and settled in, they took a look around.

The place wasn’t the fanciest, of course; nobody ever expected a homeless shelter to be. The wallpaper around them had begun to split from the base and rot, giving the room a brown tint. The floors were of a hard wood that creaked with every other step one took, and the light overhead flickered with the promise of a short; however, anything was better than their former spot in an alley.

Y/N clung to him tightly as he walked up to the front desk, clearing his throat to catch the attention of the redhead sitting there.

“Excuse me?” Shawn prodded, biting down on his bottom lip. “Do you all have room for two more?”

The woman slanted her lips as if she were considering whether or not to tell them the truth- whether or not to let them stay the night. Her eyes flitted between the couple seemingly in judgement but it was the pleading look in Y/N’s eyes that finally broke her down.

“We have one cot left.” The woman let up, nodding her head slowly. “Write your names here and go through those doors, it shouldn’t be hard to find.”

Y/N pursed her lips to fight back any protest or outburst she was conjuring in her mind, instead deciding to merely pick up the pen, write their names, and grab Shawn’s hand to drag him into the next room.

The room wasn’t anything North of what they were expecting. The dimly lit room was packed with people just like them, scattered around on the many cots provided. In this sea of people were whole families, single men and women, and couples alike. Coughs and sneezes were commonplace and the smell was unlike anything they’d ever witnessed, but as they made their way to the one empty cot, all they felt was numbness and none of the aforementioned things mattered.

“Put your stuff down, let’s go get something to eat.” Shawn whispered, making sure to keep his hands on her at all times. He knew how anxious she could get in crowded situations like this but he would help her in any way he could, just as she always did for him. Y/N did as he said and set her things down on and next to the cot, following closely behind him as he led them to the kitchen portion of the shelter.

The tomato soup was certainly nothing special, and the same could be said for the extremely hard, half piece of grilled cheese that went along with it. Y/N sat across from Shawn in the relatively empty kitchen, presuming that everyone had gotten their food earlier. He noticed she hadn’t spoken a single word since they started their journey to the shelter, always having her head down low and lips pressed tightly together.

She was trying her best to be strong for him and she knew that if she spoke, the quiver in her voice would give her true pain away. She certainly didn’t need to hide this from him as he felt her pain all the same, but Y/N was stubborn, so Shawn let it go for the time being, instead focusing on ways to make her smile.

Shawn pretended to bite down onto his piece of grilled cheese as if it were a brick, immediately retaliating and wincing jokingly. This brought that smile of hers that he loved dearly back to her face, her cheeks heating up. Even at times like this, he was still the same dork she’d always known.

He continued on with these gimmicks and jokes until he was down to his last spoonful of tomato soup, downing it quickly. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and it was then that he let out a roaring burp, his own eyes growing wide at the intensity of it. This was what it took for a genuine laugh to rip from Y/N’s throat, her eyebrows raised in disbelief.

“Oh my god, that was disgusting!” She continued to laugh, wiping away a tear at the corner of her eye. Shawn smiled brightly, relishing in the serenity of her beautiful laugh. It was a laugh that could mend spirits and souls and the warm sound did that for him every time he felt down, but it wasn’t often that he heard it nowadays, so he cherished this moment dearly.

He was surprised when she retaliated with a burp of her own, the loud sound ripping through her chest and into the small room’s air. His jaw dropped in disbelief that the huge noise just came from the small girl and she couldn’t control her giggles, covering her mouth with her hands.

“And you had the nerve to talk about my burp!” Shawn laughed, running a hand through his hair and shaking his head. When her laughs finally died down (To his dismay) she reached her hands out to grab his, staring into his eyes in deep thought. This sudden change in attitude worried him and he squeezed her fingers, cocking his head.

“What are you thinking about?” He inquired.

Y/N chewed on her lip and he could tell that she was tripping over herself, wondering how to word her next sentence. She eventually took a deep breath and shrugged, soothingly rubbing her thumbs over Shawn’s knuckles.

“I dunno, I just..” She trailed off, gaze flickering down to the table. “I think it’s time to call your parents.”

She felt Shawn begin to pull away with a groan which was the opposite of what she wanted, gently pulling him back as she insisted, “Shawn, maybe you’re being too modest. I know we were doing okay for a while but you know we can’t keep on like this. Something’s gotta give.”

Shawn bit the inside of his cheek and looked at her; really looked at her. The bags under her eyes were dark and deep, her skin dry and lips chapped. She’d definitely seen better days; Hell, they both had. He frowned at this and guilt overtook him. He was always saying that he’d do anything for her, so if that meant putting his dignity aside to get her out of the cold, he’d do it.

“Okay.” He agreed, gravitating back towards her again. She smiled as he continued, “I’ll call them first thing in the morning, I promise. Now hurry up and eat your brick sandwich so we can sleep.”

-

Shawn situated himself as close as he could to Y/N on their tiny shared cot, draping both of their heavy jackets over top. She pushed her back further into his chest and he snaked an arm over her side, nuzzling his face into her neck with a sigh.

Mostly everyone else in the shelter had turned in for the night save for a few people holding conversations here and there.

Time passed with the two merely breathing with one another, the feeling calming both of them. He wasn’t sure if she was sleep or not as he hadn’t heard her speak in a while and he didn’t want to ask in fear of waking her up, so he only resorted to running his fingers over her arm, shutting his eyes tiredly.

“I dunno if you’re asleep or not, but I just have something to say.” Shawn whispered as low as he could, taking a deep breath. “I love you more than words can describe. I know you want to give up sometimes but we can get through this as long as we stick together. I’ve got us, okay?”

Shawn wasn’t sure what answer he was expecting but when he heard her soft snore confirming that she was sleep, a warm smile blossomed on his lips, heart at ease knowing that she was resting; that she was okay.

He breathed out a short laugh and relaxed his muscles, knowing that everything would work out in the end.

“I’ve got us.”

-

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Y/N asked, unloading her suitcase from the taxi.

Shawn was unsure as he stared up at his childhood home. For most, returning home after years would instill happiness and good memories, but not for him. The falling-out he’d had with Karen and Manny left their relationship nearly nonexistent and coming back was the last thing he wanted to do, but he knew he had no choice.

He’d met Y/N when he was only 16; high school sweethearts, and made the decision to move out with her when he was only 18. His parents were never particularly fond of her to begin with and that was what stirred the pot and started the entire feud. Karen and Manny warned him of how stupid of an idea it was, saying that she wasn’t right for him and she wasn’t responsible enough. Shawn was set in his beliefs that he was making the right choice, though, spawning a series of bitter fights. It hurt that his family wasn’t accepting of the love of his life, but he had to make a decision.

And two years later, after cutting off his family, here he was, right back on their doorstep.

Shawn held onto Y/N’s hand tightly when the door swung open, revealing Karen standing with her arms over her chest. Her expression was hard to make out, a mix of happiness and anger all at once. Y/N shifted uncomfortably on her feet when she reminded herself that she was the reason for Karen’s latter emotion.

His mother stepped to the side and allowed the two inside, granting Shawn a “Welcome home”.

Shawn squeezed his girlfriend’s hand as they walked inside, instantly hit with a wave of emotions. The air was thick when Manny walked out of the kitchen, wiping his hands on a paper towel. He eyed the two up and down before holding his hand out to Y/N, making her eyes widen in surprise.

“Nice to see you again.” Manny greeted, shaking her hand when she finally took it. “I wish it were under better circumstances.”

“Y-Yeah.” Y/N nodded, letting go nervously. “Me too.”

Karen cut her eyes at Manny’s hospitality and sighed, nodding to Shawn. “You both can sleep in Shawn’s old bedroom. Make yourselves at home.”

The couple could tell that she didn’t mean that but Shawn gave her a tight-lipped nod anyway, wasting no time in dragging Y/N and their luggage up the stairs and to his room. As soon as they’d stepped through the doorway he closed the door, groaning loudly and going to crash on the queen-sized bed.

“Well, that could have gone a lot worse.” Shawn muttered, running his hands over his face. When she didn’t reply he lifted his head from the bed, opening his eyes to see her still stationary at the door, nervously twiddling with her fingers. “Babe, what’s wrong?”

Y/N shook her head and took a few timid steps forward to sit on the edge of the bed. “I dunno. I feel so hated here. And I was expecting to, but now that it’s actually happening, it’s worse than I thought.”

Shawn frowned and sat up, scooting to sit next to her and wrap his arms around her. He leaned down to make sure she saw his face as he insisted, “They don’t hate you, Y/N. If anything, they’re more mad at me- you know that. But none of this is our fault. All that matters now is that we have food and shelter, and we can finally get back on our feet.”

Y/N wasn’t convinced though, changing the subject. “’M tired, I think I’m going to take a nap.”

Shawn considered trying to drill his words of encouragement into her brain more but he knew deep down that she wouldn’t listen to him. So, he let it go, allowing her to strip down and situate herself underneath his covers. He leaned down to kiss her forehead, lingering there for a second before disconnecting.

He would do anything for her, and he hoped that she knew that.

Shutting off the light, he exited his bedroom and mentally prepared himself for what was next to come. He knew that as soon as he walked down the stairs, his parents would begin their skepticism, their “I told you so"s, and their snarky comments. And he was completely right.

"So what happened exactly?” Karen instantly questioned when Shawn walked into the kitchen. She stared down into her teacup, stirring it slowly. Manny leaned against the kitchen counter with his arms crossed, choosing to remain silent.

Shawn cleared his throat and pocketed his hands. “We couldn’t make it with the jobs we had. Her college fees were piling up and the apartment fees increased and it was all too much.”

Karen stopped stirring for a few pulses before looking up at her son sadly, “I told you moving in with her was a bad idea-”

“Karen, stop.” Manny ordered sternly, shooting darts at his wife. “Look, the past is the past. We all make mistakes and ours was being so quick to judge. He needs our help now, isn’t that all that matters to you?”

She took a sip of her tea and looked between the two men, her mind trying to conjure a response. Deep down, she knew that Manny was right, and her bitterness was uncalled for. Still, she couldn’t completely let it go, settling with, “Dinner will be ready in an hour. Let Y/N know, please.”

It wasn’t much, but it was progress, and Shawn would wholeheartedly accept it for the time being.

-

“So, how do you all plan to get back out there?” Manny questioned, pushing up his glasses and stabbing at a piece of broccoli on his plate. It was more than awkward as both couples sat on opposite sides of the table, the air thick with tension once again. Shawn began to speak up but Y/N interrupted him.

“I have an interview tomorrow!” She sprung up, sporting a fake smile. “At Google. If I get the job, it could change everything for us.”

Karen pursed her lips, looking up from her plate for a second. “What do you do?”

“Software engineering!” Y/N nodded, making Shawn smile. She always got excited when she talked about her work and he adored her for it.

Karen hummed, staring at the girl. “Don’t you think that’s a bit far-fetched? You haven’t even gotten through college yet, why would they choose you?”

Shawn felt his anger rising already, his jaw clenching as his eyes cut up toward his mom. “Mom, I’m a high school dropout trying to be a musician. She’s doing much better than me, so I’d appreciate if you’d just drop this act.”

Everyone was shocked by his sudden outburst, the room quickly going silent once again. The dinner was over as soon as it started, and in this moment, it was like he’d never left home. His loved ones were still split and he didn’t want to choose between the two, but his family was making that hard.

He clenched his jaw and stood up from the table, grabbing his plate and motioning for Y/N to do the same.

“We’ll be in my room.”

-

“I know you want to defend me, but maybe that wasn’t a good idea.” Y/N hummed, looking up from her plate and at Shawn who was sitting in front of her on the bed. Her fork continued to lazily poke at the meatloaf Karen made as she reasoned, “We are staying in their house, after all.”

Shawn sucked at his teeth and shook his head stubbornly, “I don’t care, baby. They’re being assholes to you for no reason and I’ll live on the streets again before I let anyone disrespect you.”

She remained silent and Shawn went back to eating whatever food he had left, presuming she would do the same, but when he heard a sniffle come from her, confusion washed over him. He quickly looked up just in time to watch a single tear sliding down her cheek, her lips quivering sadly.

“No, no,” Shawn began to panic, quickly moving his plate to the bedside table and going to sit next to her. “Don’t cry- What’s wrong? Talk to me.”

More tears continued to fall by the second and Shawn pulled her into him, allowing her to wrap her arms around his middle and bury her face in his chest. Y/N didn’t hold back the sounds of her crying either, the loud sobs and heaving filling the room.

“I just don’t know what’s wrong with me,” She cried, squeezing him a little tighter. “Why don’t they like me? Why aren’t I ever enough for anyone?”

Shawn shushed her and gently pet her head, his heart hurting at the thought of her in pain. “No, please don’t say that. You’re enough for me, and when we get back on our feet, we don’t have to worry about any of this anymore. This is just a bad day, and we’ve been having a lot of those lately, but we’ll be alright.”

She stifled another cry and bit down on her lip, lifting her head to look up at him. He frowned seeing her eyelashes coated in tears and her face flushed as she clung to him.

“You promise?” She asked, voice no higher than a whisper.

He granted her a tiny smile and leaned down to kiss her nose, lingering for a few seconds before brushing a strand of hair away from her face lovingly. “I promise, Y/N. Come on, let’s go pick out your interview outfit, we gotta have you lookin’ snazzy.”

This comment elicited a giggle from her and the sound was music to his ears- Confirmation that his own words were true, and that everything would be okay.

So long as they had each other.

#my writing #masterlist #shawn mendes #shawn mendes imagine #shawn mendes x reader #shawn mendes fluff #shawn peter raul mendes #shawn mendes au #shawn mendes fanfic #shawn mendes fanfiction #shawn mendes imagines #shawn mendes oneshot #shawn mendes smut

[alternislatronemhq]

Congrats, Beth, you have been accepted to AL for the role of Narcissa Malfoy (FC: Skylar Samuels). Ahhh, Beth, really well done! I think it’s really easy for Narcissa to be seen as this innocent flower who just got dragged along into the dark side by her husband, but you have totally shattered that trope. Your Narcissa is a complex woman who has a mind and heart of her own as well as the courage to follow that. She’s going to be in such an interesting place in this game, and I have full confidence that you’re going to portray that with justice! Please send in your blog (no sideblogs for first characters, please) in the next 24 hours and be sure to take a look at our new player checklist.Welcome home, we’re so excited to have you join the family!

OOC

name — Beth age — 24 pronouns — She/Her timezone — CST activity level — I currently have literally nothing time consuming going on irl until mid-August. I’m a teacher, so I’m on break until then. After that, I will be restricted, but I’ll have weekends and at least one or two nights a week to do rp replies. I’ll also often be online enough for plotting, even if I’m not actively writing replies that night.

IC Overview

name — Narcissa Malfoy faceclaim — Skylar Samuels, Margot Robbie Samara Weaving age — 30 (Birthday: December 14, 1955) gender — Cis female sexuality — Undefined and unconcerned. As far as most people need to be concerned, Narcissa is attracted purely to her husband. That said, she’s never put much focus on how she feels about other people outside her husband. She’s not opposed to the two of them seeking comfort with other people but she cannot imagine it happening completely outside their marriage. Communication is key to any power couple, in general and in the bedroom, especially if the bedroom isn’t theirs.

patronus —Runespoor. Narcissa couldn’t help chuckling when she saw those three heads. A snake, of course, which a family history in Slytherin should approve of, but also three. Narcissa is the third of three daughters. She watched her family decide they should bite off a head. Andromeda was gone before Narcissa cast her first patronus, although Narcissa would never admit it was a memory of the three of them together that led to her first corporeal form. On the personality end of things, it fits as well. Narcissa is certainly not quick to act, and she tends to spend a lot of time both imagining and criticizing what those choices might lead to. The duality inherent in her patronus feels accurate to the way her mind works (This was according to the Pottermore test, and honestly I agree with it so much.)

boggart — Narcissa’s boggart is Draco as a baby lying there with gasps and whimpers as he slowly turns blue and loses air. It’s not just about her son dying but rather seeing him fading as Narcissa stands unable to do anything to save him. She has never been able to banish a boggart at this stage. Eventually after her baby has “died,” the boggart shifts between people like Lucius and Bellatrix screaming at her that she’s a failure and a betrayal. She can’t banish the boggart at that point either. Narcissa’s biggest fear is in many ways her world crumbling around her with no way to stop in and blame pointed squarely at her for being unable to fix the situation. A good pureblood wife holds her family together. Narcissa is terrified she won’t be able to do the same.

IC In Depth

personality traits —

After a life time of learning to think about legacy above all else, Narcissa has become incredibly pragmatic. She looks at each situation for how to problem solve, rather than taking the time to consider her own emotions. Some might consider Narcissa repressed, but she would prefer to think of herself as quiet and complex. There is a lot going on under the surface, even to the point that she is an over-analyzer if she doesn’t immediately know how to act. She is not rash, nor does she let her emotions get the best of her often. She can be short-tempered when pushed, but Narcissa has spent years learning to hold back. Above all in public, she is polite, although she can come off as cold to people who don’t know her well. She would prefer that, though, to people knowing too much about her opinion. Narcissa firmly believes it is better for others to see her as distant and aloof if it means staying adaptive in a changing situation, as she has had to do socially.

character biography —

Narcissa Elladora Black was born the youngest of the Black sisters. She was the finishing touch in a trio of wonderful daughter, even if her parents would forever mourn their lack of sons. From her position as the youngest, Narcissa grew up even more spoiled than her two older sisters, but it was always clear to her what her duties were. Like her sisters, Narcissa knew it would be her job someday to marry well to a pureblood husband with a strong family name, and it would be her duty to uphold that family and produce heirs to continue her husband’s family line—a line which would naturally be hers then. The Black family are full of tradition and self-ties, but practicality was important above all else. While Narcissa did hope that within a few generations, her children could be tied back to that proud family name, she wasn’t silly enough to think that her family now would come above her husband.

She hadn’t expected that truth to be thrown in her face in such an ugly way as Andromeda took the first opportunity to muddy herself. Narcissa would never admit it later, but she did send a letter to Andromeda begging her to come back. A baby could be dealt with or left with the father. It wouldn’t make her the most desirable, but surely there would still be a pureblood husband for her to take on. Andromeda never responded. The whole experience was really the first time in her life that Narcissa had ever had fantastical version of the world shattered. Things weren’t perfect and couldn’t always be fixed. A strong family name could be sullied in an instance. Before Narcissa even had that husband’s legacy to protect, she was having to choose it over family.

When Lucius Malfoy began to court her, Narcissa was delighted. Here was a man who cared about appearances, both his own and his family’s. He was not the cold unfeeling man she’d been mentally preparing herself for. He was warm and delightful, and if Narcissa was willing to experience her wedding bed with him before she had a ring, well, that was nobody’s business but their own. Narcissa sparkled as a bride and shined as a new wife. She had only one issue. Narcissa seemed unable to carry children to term. After three miscarriages—Omega, nine weeks, Lysandra, twenty-six weeks, and Orane, thirteen weeks—Narcissa began to fear she would never carry a child to term. When she became pregnant a fourth time, Narcissa spent the better part of a year treating herself as delicately as possible and accepting weekly visits from a trusted healer. She couldn’t lose another baby. She wasn’t sure she could handle naming a fourth child that she never got to properly hold.

Then all Narcissa’s wishes upon magic were answered on June 5, 1980 with a beautiful baby, only four weeks early and there to fight. Despite her initial worries that their miracle would be snatched away, Draco thrived. They didn’t know he was Draco then, of course. They mistook their baby for a girl based on what information they had to go on then and named her accordingly. It was only a few years later when they understood what their five-year-old had to tell them that Lucius and Narcissa changed tactics. Narcissa and her child sat down together to talk through constellations and possible names associated with them. She’d been named for mythology—a concession her father had made on Daughter #3 to Rosier preferences—but Narcissa wanted her son to better fit what she considered the proudest part of his family history. Once Draco had decided upon his name, Lucius immediately announced him properly in The Prophet. The Malfoys never looked back, and they had no time for anyone who did.

Prior to that realization, Narcissa had lived with a certain level of constant dread. They had a beautiful, perfect child who would always be enough in Narcissa’s eyes, but she couldn’t help hearing her mother’s voice in her ear, grooming her from a young age to know that part of her duty as a pureblood wife was to carry on the Malfoy line. Could she and Lucius settle for one perfect child if that child would one day lost the family name? Her parents had stopped, but that had been after three children and with other male Blacks to potentially pass on the family name, which Orion eventually did. Especially in a time where family name and heritage meant everything, Narcissa wasn’t sure she could justify stopping without a proper heir. Then again, she never wanted her baby to feel like not enough. Her own parents had never explicitly guilted the three girls, but it was a known fact of life. Narcissa didn’t want that for her baby. Once Draco’s voice could be heard, it shocked her not because it meant the hard decisions were made—although that certainly helped—but rather because Draco was once again perfect, as he always was. Narcissa would have loved him and supported his choice in any situation, but as it was, she only added another reason her child was the greatest blessing she could have received.

But motherhood was not all Narcissa’s life focused on. Lucius had been recruited in many ways to join the Dark Lord’s ranks, and it was a great honor. Narcissa would have preferred neutrality as a self-preservation mechanism, but she did believe in those ideals and could appreciate what the Dark Lord was trying to do. She herself never joined, but she did support Lucius’ choice and often acted according to the Dark Lord’s whims. When he fell, it was a great shock to her system, but Narcissa couldn’t take the time to figure out how to feel about his loss. She had to keep her husband out of prison and their family reputation high. They were no longer servants to anyone but each other, and Narcissa scrambled to fix their situation.

It took a few years before she felt trusted. That time was full of swallowing her thoughts and smiling nicely, but the same had been true among the Death Eaters. She was simply swallowing a different kind of thought. The Malfoy family had always held power, and the same could be said of the Black family. Bellatrix and her husband had fallen from grace, but Narcissa needed to do as she’d always been taught and put Lucius’ family name above her own family blood. If that meant reaching out to a sister who she’d long above mentally severed, fine. Narcissa would do it. She and Andromeda would never truly be what they’d been, and Narcissa couldn’t look at her niece without mourning her bloodline and lack of title. Still, they were rebuilding. Slowly change for the better had happened.

Now Narcissa doesn’t know what to do. The Dark Lord’s return threatens all of the work she’s been doing. She still believes in purity and the ideas he’d promised, but she still doesn’t like the methods he’d stood for. She likes her husband free and isn’t sure a return to the Death Eaters’ full power will allow that.

plot ideas — Perhaps Narcissa (and occasionally Lucius) host regular tea events, maybe once a month. After Voldemort’s downfall, they started curating a little more charity into their guest lists. Now with rumors of his return, it’s a careful balance of the traditional gust list one month and their pity invites the next.

extra —

Headcanon: Narcissa cannot go to sleep without signing Draco a lullaby. Her night feels incomplete. On nights when Lucius puts him to bed, she sneaks in after to sing for his dreams. Now that he’s getting older, she’s terrified for the day he decides he’s too old for her to sing.

Headcanon: Narcissa doesn’t technically have a job, but her proficiency in charms, herbology, and potions could have made her a healer. While she knows only the basics of that profession, she does keep a lush garden and greenhouse. She also enjoys potion making and often makes at home things that other purebloods might buy. She would never lower herself as to sell them because her station is so much above something so ordinary, but that doesn’t mean she won’t give them to friends or occasionally use her own potions as a bartering chip.

Headcanon: Narcissa has always felt quite at home on a broom. In some ways, she was relieved the first time she played Quidditch and hated it because it didn’t fit the image she was trying to curate. Flying, though, is something she could never give up for image.

Pinterest board: https://www.pinterest.com/myrpboards/narcissa-malfoy/

#al:accepted #narcissa malfoy