#and ive been crying a lot this week :(

[hammill-goes-fogwalking]

I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI.

#not dislike. its hate #it made me cry several times today #thinking of how my classmates manipulate our teachers #and chatgpt AIs can EVERYTHING #its so painful to think of it #today I broke down in the bus and cried #idc what people think. hiding my feelings any longer would destroy me from the inside #maybe youve also seen how people use freakin AIs in their exams #the thing is that: #we wrote an exam for which Ive studies for like 2 whole days #this week we finally got the exams back (w the grades ofc) #and ok Ive got a 3 (C in America syste #*m) #my friends who used chatgpt throughout the exam got way better grades (I didnt expect it otherwise) #PLUS #the most provocating messages from the teacher: #“10/10 POINTS :)” “YOURE ROCKING THIS” “YEAH” #💔 #seriously #this breaks my heart #dont the teacher see something suspect in the exam?! #why cant they open their eyes and get modernized to reality. #& they KNOW- the students Im talking of. they usally have bad results. #once our teacher came to a chatgpt student and said the most miserable thing: #“youve been using duolingo a lot lately hm? thats where your nice grades come from 😉🥰” #you get it? #no- this peoson didnt learn. #no- this person isnt even interested in the stuff we learn in lessons #AWFUL feeling to hear the praisings of da teachers when *I* gotta sit among the gpt-students and look like Im a worse student than *them* #[writing this at almost 1 at night] still have some tears. this topic really has the power to destroy someones day. 💔💔

[goozeghost]

happy birthday cry of fear !! WOOHOO!!!

#cry of fear #cry of fear simon #cof #cof simon #simon henriksson #afraid of monsters #aom #afraid of monsters david #david leatherhoff #aom david #grey anderson #grey mod #ive been in this fandom on and off for 2 slutty slutty years #ignore the differences in the artstyle kinda i havent been drawing a lot recently and these are from like a week ago or someshit #:)

[sneez]

some posters for conrad veidt films with my cat mole edited in in mspaint

#i have been watching. A Lot of conrad veidt films recently #the man who laughs is now one of my favourite ever films ive watched it three times in the past few weeks and i cry violently every time #i love all of them though hes so much fun to watch and so lovely i wish i could have met him #also hes like the best actor who has ever existed and im a homosexual so can you blame me #anyway ive been having fun putting mole on the posters. shes a star :) #i havent talked about her much here but my life basically revolves around mole she is my world 4 ever #i wish you all could meet her she is very small and old and i adore her with every part of my being #i hope you are all doing well friends i am very almost on holiday (yippee) so will hopefully be around more often #yippee 2 #ghost post #id in alt text by the way i thought it made more sense for a post like this

[slutdge]

Not to get deep here or anything but i really think i dont want to have a relationship with my sister anymore and ive been reflecting on that a lot. like sure she didnt abuse me or really do anything to directly traumatize me, but she voted against me having human rights because im queer, as well as voting for a party that wants to harm first nations people despite both of us being first nations i just.... i dont think i can forgive her for that. weve had laughs and good times together but i find myself unable to forgive her for her politics. i wouldn't tolerate bigotry from anyone else, i shouldnt tolerate it from someone just cause theyre family.

#can anyone provide me guidance on this? ill bring it up with my therapist but i dont see her for another week #anyways im making myself cry late at night whats new lol ive been processing a lot this week #ok eta: and theyll always make you feel bad for this!!!!! #theyll be like ''ok so everyone has to bend to your commie regime to have a relationship with you 🙄'' #like yeah actually you do #if you really loved me like you claim to you wouldnt be FUCKING VOTING FOR THE PEOPLE WHO WANT TO TAKE MY RIGHTS AWAY #yes you do have to respect my rights if you want to have a relationship with me that is completely reasonable #whats ACTUALLY unreasonable is you asking me to ''just get over'' the fact that yall support people who think i shouldnt have human rights #right wingers will try to gaslight you into believing basic human decency is an unattainable and torturous request #then when you get upset theyll be like ''god the left is so emotional 🙄'' #like yeah. i am. and you should be emotional too about human rights violations. the fact that youre not is pure evil. #anyways ill go cry myself to sleep like a faggot now #it just breaks my heart that i dont have any immediate family members who dont blatantly hate me for being queer/first nations

[britneyshakespeare]

me learning hank green nonchalantly came out as bi three days ago on twitter

#i don't use twitter how am i supposed to know these things #fucking good for him!!!! we love to see it!!!!!! happy pride hank #vlogbrothers #hank green #text post #yeah i've been bingeing a lot of vlogbrothers lately whose business is that #i mean i've been watching them pretty casually since i was like 12. not like ive watched every upload since then but #yeah funny enough i was watching a lot more of them awhile before hank's cancer diagnosis #kaily texted me at work two and a half weeks ago just the sentence 'hank green has lymphoma' and i felt like crying #i might've said that already #anyway as far as the text cited in that tweet i have no idea what any of that means but good for hank

[galaxygermdraws]

I don't usually post sona related art, but I just beat the SMRPG remake and it made me just. start crying. Like i was just sobbing my way through the end of the game, and my hope for the future of Mario RPGs has never been brighter. So it made me just. Feel a lot of emotions and I didn't really know how else to capture them.

I'm very happy I got to live during a time when this wonderful game got a remake that will be more readily available for people to play. And I am so happy this game was just as good as I have been told it was. Definitely looking forward to replaying it again.

Uh. Yea. Jus kind of a personal piece I 'spose. Bonus little doodle I drew the day before the remake dropped under the cut

#germdraws #germ draws #goop #sona art #smrpg remake #mostly bc thats what this is talking about #i dont expect this to get notes this was just like. a personal piece about my emotional state today #not too often does a game quite drive me to the point of drawing my emotional state about it #I didnt. expect to cry like a baby over it #i knew id prolly cry. most mario rpgs do make me cry #but i havent cried this hard since i replayed origami king earlier this year #and that was probably bc it was like. the same week as finding out mario was getting a new va #and bc i was witnessing my favorite piece of media travel into a new era #and i am beyond excited #especially because the second major game to kick off said new era....is a game from 1996 #a game ive been told about a lot in my life. every other mario rpg that was hyped to me never hit right. ttyd n bis both #i never finished ttyd. bis was rather tiring. maybe ill replay it one day. who knows #but smrpg was. rlly good. i rlly liked it. it made me very happy. i made me very emotional.

[crescentfool]

beaming everyone on the dashh with good brain day vibes!!! i hope that you all can remember to extend self-compassion to yourself whenever you're feeling down about something 💙

#lizzy speaks #the human brain works in such profound ways i think #lately i've been thinking about that post that was like 'you will always be your oldest friend take care of yourself' #it's definitely a sentiment i agree with and i appreciate how it emphasizes the importance of extending compassion to yourself #you wouldn't say such hurtful things to your friends right? (or at least i'd hope so) #so why would you say it to yourself? #you are your own friend too. and i think everyone has a beautiful soul within themselves. nurture it! water it! feed it good thoughts. #basically i wish everyone a 'i hope that your brain is not your own enemy but rather a friend that you can find comfort in' #things will work themselves out with time. there's beauty in life and you will find small delights to cherish!! i am manifesting it for u!! #and for those who find it difficult to transition from a self-critical mindset to one that's more compassionate and nonjudgmental #i truly think that with time you will be able to rewire your brain to be kinder to yourself. i'm proud of you for taking any first steps :) #there are times in which it feels counterintuitive to go against habits that feel hard-wired... but brains are very malleable littel guys- #with such a wonderful capacity for changing and learning new things. so i hope everyone can learn to be their own best friend! #not to undermine the importance of a support network ofc. that's good too and im all for that!! but i hope everyone remembers to be kind- #not only to others but also to themselves!! you're going to do great out there!! i love you all!! #ive just been thinking about this a lot... i needed to get it out there. you all shine so brightly!!! we shall be fine!!! have a good week! #sorry if this is out of nowhere but if there's anything about me you should know it's that i'm the 'hey dont cry 8 billion people on earth- #ok?' post. idk i just find great joy in knowing others are out there thriving and finding a daily delight yknow i love humanity!!

[stayatsam]

ended up not making easter cakes but im still in a baking mood so i might bake more pita later

#ive been cooking a lot this week and im like oh god i cant even imagine making dough rn #happy easter if u celebrate if not happy sunday anyway #sam crying #i made pita for the first time last week and i think i had the heat TOO high #also ended up smoking out my apartment that cast iron is built different

[tearfest]

mini life update in the tags bc i need somewhere 2 rant < 3

#u can ignore but! #in the process of secretly prepping to cut my mum off bc shes got total financial control over me (im 26) #i got a lot of money when i was 18 from an accident n shes basically in control of my assets bc she made it that wah #*way #if that makes sense #like i can only access my money if i go to the bank with her. she lives in a house i boyght her free of charge #sje bullied me into biying another house in wales so she can rent it out as a holidah home n use it as a free holiday spot n said i would #get an income from it but shes given me nothing in the 4/5 yrs weve had it #she put her name on the deeds to all my assets #so i have money but it is inaccessible #i need some bc i need to fund my phd next year but sje wont help me #anyways! thats lowkey besides the point #my dads got a brain tumor n my mum doesnt know i still see my dad bc she thinks i havent spoke to him since je left like 3 yrs ago #but i helped hjm leave bc she was abusing him n had been since i was like 9 #n now im stressed out bc my dads not well and i feel like um running out of time with him #but hes in the hospital at the minute after having a siezure a few weeks after his brain surgery #so ive visited him like 3 days in a row n he remarried this year and my stepmum/sisters are so nice #its like having a real family #and it makes me feel guilty yo say that abt my mum n sister #like the guilt of havi g a bad parent is so real tonight fellas im just gonna sit n cry for a few dags #tbd. #if u read this far i love u .. whats hr zodiac #but yeah! this is why im so inactive #n bc im doi g my masters degree but . that pales in comparison rn

[daydadahlias]

WAIT WHERES MIM?!?! PLEASE TELL ME YOU’LL RELEASE THAT ONE AGAIN PLEASE

I need you guys to understand that the reason I took down my stuff was for my own peace of mind because they're my stories and i started feeling unsafe having them out because of how they - and I - were being treated.

absolutely nothing is wrong with mim and I love that fic and I care so much about it which is why - for my peace of mind - i want it to belong to only me rn. I know the fic was only out a month after i finished it and that really upsets me about taking it down. i want to reupload it because i know people like the fic and i love sharing my stuff but also there's that level of how much the fic matters to me and how much more devastating it makes it when people are cruel. and how much it hurts when I, as the creator of something, am treated like I don't matter at all and that my stuff can so easily be stolen or copied. like, it's an extension of me, yknow? You can't separate content and creator in such a small and intimate sphere as fandom. like, you guys all use my first name when referring to me, yknow?? there's that sense of connection. and since it's such an intimate space, having that trust be betrayed or disrespected is so much more potent than if we were in a large fandom with a lot of creators.

the fear of having MiM copied is really immense and real for me rn and i know that's potentially me being overly paranoid but considering the Amount of times this has started to happen - and how blatantly rude and nasty and entitled readers have been getting with me and other creators over the last year - it's definitely not out of the realm of possibility.

MiM wasn't written for readers, it was written for me. and i shared it because i wanted to and that was wonderful. but to have any of my stuff stepped on so much just doesn't make me feel very safe in this fandom space rn and makes it hard to let people have access to something that matters so much to me.

I'm not saying MiM has been deleted forever, I'm just saying i want some more time for it to be mine.

#like i thought about not uploading scene 14 too especially bc she HAS been stolen verbatim before but. #at this point it just feels too late bc so many people have already read it #yeah i have a lot of conflicting feelings and im not saying i'll never repost mim but i just need some more time with her yknow???? #like she matters a *lot* to me. and im allowed to be a little finicky with her #and this has been just so. immensely hurtful lately #like i spent most of the weekend crying my eyes out over this stuff because it's just so. hard. to consistently share things #and *have* consistently shared things for three years #and to actively *see* the change that's been occuring in this fandom where people just started treating content like it was consumable #and dispensable. and then started just *expecting* things from me and demanding fics or being pointblank rude and like... #i just dont have time for it yknow?? #this stuff is supposed to be *fun*. i do it in my free time and share it with strangers for free bc i want to share the fun with others #and when people start disrespecting that. it makes it hard #like ive had so much more fun in the last week writing fic solely for myself and *not* sharing it than i have in. like. the last month #bc whenever i share fic publicly now. i know im going to have to deal with people potentially stealing it. #or not giving a shit about it and just asking when the next thing is coming. or going on twitter and ? talking about me publicly #where i cant even see it #like it's just been *so* many things lately. and it's hard when this is something i should only be doing to make me happy. #and it's been causing me sm stress instead. #and the fact that i took a week off tumblr and like. i got several pretty?? shitty asks?? that really undermined my feelings on everything. #and made it about themselves like #i dont know how to explain to you guys that we're all people and the whole point of fandom is to *share* with each other #not take. #so yeah i want to be able to share my stuff again and feel comfortable doing that but right now i just dont #and im gonna. get off my soapbox now ok <3 #the biggest thing is that. people act so overly familiar with me by calling me jess in asks and comments and acting like they know me #and then somehow. they are also so mean and devaluing of me? i cant really make sense of it. #ok enough of me. talking about myself. and venting #pigeon #anon

[raksh-writes]

Im a pent-up ball of pure stress and restlessness (like chest-tight and heart pounding type of stress) and I have 0 idea what to do with myself, because anytime I want to try and go distract myself with Something my anxiety spikes and my brain goes "!!! NO!!! DANGER!!! LOOK OUT FOR DANGER!!!" so I guess I'll just spend the day pacing the house and refreshing the same 3 pages on repeat, huh...

#personal #Raksh posts #tomorrow I'll know if I got back into uni #so that's the culprit #but I also have no way of assuaging it so fuck me I guess 😩 #and depending on if I do or dont get in #its either gonna be a full on depressed crying or a crazy busy next week #plus so much has been happening all around #I finished my internship last friday #we found out our doggo is sick and we're going with her to a vet cardiologist next friday #my younger cousin Ive always been quite close with came to visit with her boyfriend and announced yesterday they got engaged #my bro today said he's planning to marry next year #Im trying not to let my crippling loneliness take me over #it's kinda a lot when all put together 🙈 #I thought maybe I could finish typing up what I have of my recent vegaspete AU #its a super indulgent time travel a/b/o shifterd thingy with outsider pov - Nops in this first part #and so I could maybe have something to finally post sometime soon and motivate me to write some more #but I can't focus on that #Ive also thought of maybe gaming a bit #Id actually like to check out Cyberpunk with this new 2.0 update #but again it feels like anytime I try to occupy myself with something my brain goes into alarm mode ughhh #this stressing business is so useless and unproductive why isnt there a switch to it I could just flip and turn it off?? #ughhhhh anyway #Im just venting dont mind me #hoped putting it down in some way shape or form would help but will it work? prob not 😂😪 #vent #rant

[zebrafiz]

quick life update teehee

#so my job is going well! im still learning things but ive gotten into my groove w it #ive definitely experienced a lot of shit dfkhgkgkj..... snake ultrasound last friday btw. that was crazy #its a very emotionally taxxing job and i def know i cant do vetmed full time as a career but i dont want to rule out other fields with anim #ls bc i do genuinely like it! just the medical field is very difficult at times fdkjhgkjdf #ive been dreamingggg of working at a cat sanctuary or cat cafe #secondly! ive applied to 1 university so far! ive got like 5/6 more i need to apply to soon as well.. i plan on going next spring! #my 21st is in a few weeks and i want to hopefully go to epcot and do that drinking around the countries thing if we can afford it #also my laptop has been being a major bitch so i havent been able to get far w ts4 even if i wanted to.. but im gonna try today #lastlyyyy ive been crying abt sad boy and lola and baby bird all weekend #personal

[todayisafridaynight]

looking back on all my y7 comics is so funny but now im compelled to organize them 'chronologically' and see what that looks like

#snap chats #i also wanna stick em in a book... nay.. i shant... #Point Is LOL #sorry just saw my fave masada| comic of mine and was like #'oh this is before arakawa gets necked isnt it thats hilarious' #but then i realized before THAT wouldve been aoki asking jo to kill arakawa #all things ive done comics of #so now im just sitting here thinking 'how many y7 comics HAVE i done and how many of them can i organize in order' #sounds like it could be funny.... #ok my tummy hurt by. i have one more comm to do and then uhhh #idk the demons are whispering to me to play SADX </3 #'snap what happened to shadow' i am taking a BREAK i love my son but i also have to play Relatively The Same Route #like 28 times ok. i need to look at something else for a hot minute #ALSO I MISS MY CHAOS I WANNA SAY HI TO THEM #awful so for the past couple days my dads been calling me Every Day #i called him like Twice this past two weeks which is a LOT more than usual #and every time i did i was always crying or whatever so ig he was finally like 'lmao wait.... we should call more often....' #and now we do so im happier now :) i forget why this is relATE DI REMEMMERB #ITS BECAUSE EVERY TIME HE GOES TO HANG UP HE'LL BE LIKE 'laters :) One More Thing--' #LIKE OLD MAN YOU SAID BYE ALREADY but then i realize... of course.. im doing the exact same thing... #ok bye fr this time BYE

[thesunoficarus1]

I think I'm finally gonna do it folks

#i need to understand the “i can dig elvis” reference #i feel like it wont affect me that much tbh it takes a lot to make me cry #ive lowkey been avoiding it #its been preloaded in my kindle for weeks and i have been too afraid to open it #spn #destiel #fanfic #twist and shout #supernatural #ao3 #edit: #read chapter one and my feelings are already hurt idk if i can make it through this one team #from my brain™

[iliveinprocrasti-nationn]

“hey so there’s been a bunch of exposures recently but we’re gonna have the volunteer party this week bc it’s outdoors so we’ll be fine. yeah it’s a bunch of people all talking maskless face to face in relatively close proximity but we’re outside so any transmission would of course be impossible” be so fucking for real

#i love this place i love volunteering there. they have air purifiers around the center and tell people in no other words that if they’re #feeling unwell in the slightest they shouldn’t come in. they’re offering free tests to anyone exposed. they’re doing so much more than so #many other places and a lot of times it’s a place im able to relax a bit #but im just. exhausted. a week from tomorrow will be the three year anniversary of my dad dying from covid so im already in a bad place #plus covid in general is a trigger for me because. yknow. i watched it slowly strangle the life from my father until he was a grey #breathless husk who couldn’t walk three steps or say three words without panting. and that was when we made him go to the hospital #and then the next time he came home it was just his ashes in a bag #but it’s been four years. five if you count the early cases that popped up in 2019. and we’re still dealing with this shit #im just tired of it. im too exhausted to have a full sobbing shaking breakdown so ive gone to the other end of the spectrum and just feel #heavy and hollow. i should probably have a big cry but i don’t have the tears or energy #vent tw #im just hoping my n95 and the air purifiers were enough to keep me from contracting it at all. the worry is the n95 could’ve been loose and #sometimes the metal on the nose loosens slightly but the mask was pretty new overall so im hoping it worked to its full capacity and kept #out any covid molecules so that i didn’t contract any #only time will tell i suppose. in the mean time #im just praying a lot bc that’s the only control i have. i will be saying the shema whenever i get too stressed about it

[the-kipsabian]

.

#death // #really tho just. losing two family members within a week from one another is. really rough #even if it is from natural causes and old age it still feels very sudden #and even if we werent that close it still hurts #little things remind me of the grandparents i dont have anymore. like making dinner and realizing im not eating their cooking again #or my grandmas favorite songs. its just. rough #im just thinking a lot. and not looking forward to two funerals within the next few weeks #just.. yeah. i feel kinda fucked up on the inside. more so than usually but for once not cause of myself #its. odd to me. grief hasnt really been constant in my life in years. apart from losing my brothers cat few years ago #before that i lost my other grandma like eleven years ago. since then immediate family has been okay #its just weird. i dont really know how to grief. it comes in waves and odd memories and it feels really.. idk. off to me #ive had few crying fits over some random things but i just feel. numb. maybe its cause of the sudden frequency of these #or cause i dont know how to deal. its strange to me. feels out of place to mourn something other than what i made myself lost #maybe its cause while there was a connection there was a larger disconnection. i havent seen either of them since covid started #idk. regrets and shit and whatnot. i just feel all but nothing at the same time #just. just saying. idk. just wanna clean my brain a little. its been a difficult day. sorry #night is an absolute mess on main