#and its not too intense or too slow so it keeps me engaged

[mysteria157]

Chapter 1

Word Count: ~ 2.3k

CW: Mentions of pregnancy, profanity

Summary: Your life comes to a startling halt when you realize the abrasive and dismissive man you shared a passionate but drunken night with is now the father of your child.

Notes: Hello! First chapter for you all. Let me know in the comments, chat or messages on what you think. A like or reblog is great too if that’s what you want. <3 I hope you enjoy reading!

Divider: @cafekitsune

Ao3 | Next Chapter

It Had To Be You Masterlist

How?

You had taken every precaution and painstakingly logged your cycle every single day. An IUD, sex during a low fertile week, and a condom to seal the deal.

And yet.

After five tests with the same result, you held onto the denial for as long as you could. The phone call from the gynecologist to confirm that yes you are pregnant, was enough to seal the earth shattering deal.

Pregnant.

This had to be a mistake. Even with your occasional trysts and short lived relationships, you didn’t have one slip up or scare. But a drunken night five weeks ago so blurry that you could barely remember seemed to have been the final straw in your streak of good luck.

The steering wheel suddenly felt incredibly hot as you gripped the leather tighter. You pressed your forehead to wheel, squeezing your eyes tight and forcing a slow breath from your lungs. The morning sun beaming into the car window was too bright, the air conditioning blowing through the vents too cold against your skin, your thoughts too incessant, too anxious, too loud.

 It wasn’t that you were against having children. At twenty-nine years old, you were coasting steady in life. Magna Cum Laude in marketing from one of the best universities in Sendai, an internship that blossomed into a full-time job, and after years of overtime and grasping every opportunity you could, you’re now a Marketing Specialist of one of the best firms in the city. You had a sizeable income from years of working hard and saving, a small but cozy house that you fixed yourself, and the freedom to actually do the things you wanted.

But this was a big step. A step that you wanted to follow a certain way if you could help it. A serious relationship, marriage, and maybe a kid or two.

Now? When you were this close to a promotion, when your mother was finally showing a modicum of pride in you, and you had your vacation planned?

It was too much, everything was too much, too intense, too fucking loud.

The sharp vibration of your cellphone the cup holder jolted you from your thoughts and back into cold, hard reality. Work. You can deal with this later.

Omelia: I got the latte you wanted and its sitting neglected on your desk. Where are you.

You're being dramatic.

Omelia: I wont be dramatic when I say no the next time you ask me for coffee.

I just parked. I’ll be right up. Keep calm until I get there.

Omelia: 🙄 

You shook out another breath, pushing away from the steering wheel and smoothing a hand down your white button up blouse.

“You can do this. It’s going to be just fine.”

By the time the elevator dinged on the thirtieth floor of the skyrise building in the middle of downtown Sendai, your nerves weren’t as frayed. The anxiety still buzzed against your skin as you walked past various cubicles, smiling kindly to your coworkers before hitting the stretch of office doors that led to your own. There were days when you wished you were in a cubicle again. It was easier to meet others and socialize, forming a small family of the same people year after year. But the more you volunteered to stay after hours to assist for projects and the more your boss recommended you for opportunities you had only dreamed of, the less you saw your coworkers. But you tried to stay engage as much as you could, eating lunch with them, going out for dinner and drinks.

But you guess that would have to change soon.

“I used my rage to reheat it for you.”

Omelia’s low and raspy voice was a welcome distraction to the current thoughts in your head as you closed the office door behind you. Perched in an office chair across from your desk, the usual silver-eyed glower from your best friend stared holes into your skin. Even petite in nature, she was the most intimidating but also the most beautiful person you had ever met. You couldn’t be envious of her. Since meeting her in second grade, she was often chased by boys. When they pulled her thick kinky hair as a means of flirting, she responded with a punch to the gut that always ended her in the office and her mother’s usual response was to take her out for ice cream instead because she shouldn’t be punished for stopping boys using violence as a means to show affection. But as you both got older, her violence morphed into carefully calculated sarcasm capable of cutting anyone down before they could do the same to her. But you were never afraid of her mean words, because when you’re the only two black females in your second grade class, you naturally gravitated to each other. And being able to gauge her emotions behind her words always helped you understand her more.

You reached for the cup and hesitated, the anxious thoughts of the effects of caffeine and fetal development flashing through your mind before you ultimately gave up.

Her eyes narrowed, silver orbs laser focused and analyzing body language as you sipped the latte, the usual caramel flavor hitting your tongue.

“Ah yes, I can still feel the rage. Thank you.”

“It’s rare when you’re late and you usually text me if you’re gonna be.”

You shrug, setting your Michael Khors purse on your desk before sagging into the ergonomic chair.

“Forgive me for my transgressions.” She rolled her eyes at your attempt of a joke, crossing elegant skirt clad legs before sighing slowly. “I know you hate mornings Ome, but this level of disappointment is rarely directed at me. What’s wrong?”

She didn’t speak for a moment, opening her mouth and closing repeatedly, full lipgloss covered lips puckering to form words before she shook out another disappointed sigh.

“I’m sorry. Just boyfriend troubles and I’m taking it out on everyone I see. I’m so close to just dumping the fucker.”

“Then do it?”

It was no lie that Ome had more than had it with her three year on again-off again relationship. Years of short lived jobs, lack of interest in her or her family, and the latest cheating stint, she was ready to call it quits. But why she hasn’t, you’ll never know.

Maybe she doesn’t want to be alone. Having stone walls around you for most of your life will do that you imagine.

You hesitated again before taking another sip.

How much caffeine is too much? 50 mg? 200?? Your stomach lurched painfully, the sharp pang of nausea making your mouth water. You’ve been drinking three cups of coffee every day for the past five weeks.

Oh God.

“Y/n.” Ome’s voice rang in you ear, cutting through the loud echo of thoughts. Her gaze was less harsh this time, concern softening her ethereal features. “You good?”

You smiled at her, pushing the coffee away.

“I’m good.”

***

It turns out that you in fact were not good. Because every little thing seemed to send your mind into a frenzy. You spaced out at every meeting as you thought about just all you needed to prepare for.

College fund. Daycare. Medical care. Baby clothes. Furniture (baby furniture?). Telling your fucking mother.

You couldn’t eat your salad because you were curled over your phone instead, googling every ingredient to make sure nothing was toxic.

You couldn’t look your coworkers in the eye because you could feel the waves of irrationality in your mind as you imagined their disgusted filled stares as they looked at your stomach.

No matter where you went or what you did, everything seemed to set your mind off.

How much do babies even cost?

The thought made you groan softly, your stomach taking what felt like the millionth backflip of the day.

“Are you alright?”

You blinked, face heating instantly in embarrassment as you looked up at your boss. Jin Itadori’s glasses sat perched on his nose as he looked at you curiously, dark brown eyes soft but filled with concern.

“I-I’m. Yes, I’m alright. Sorry it’s been a weird day. I meant no disrespect, Itadori-san.”

He chuckled in reply, hands folding on his desk as he smiled softly at you. Jin was probably the nicest boss ever. He was always soft smiles, an even softer voice, and a demeanor that made others relax instead of stiffening in his presence. But despite his demeanor, he had revamped the entire marketing department fresh out of college, brought in triple the revenue the company had ever seen, and usurped the previous boss’ position in less than three years to become Director of Marketing Operations for the Sendai branch. He was serious about his work and refused to let anyone walk over him or his colleagues. And he was one of the few people who didn’t judge you by how you looked and instead admired your work ethic, your personality, and your goals.

So to zone out in the middle of a one on one with him was completely out of character.

“You’re not disrespecting me. You’re always so formal, please relax. I can tell you have a lot on your mind. Do you need to take a few days off?”

You shook your head. “No sir. Or at least I’m not sure yet. I’ll let you know.”

He pursed his lips before looking down at his planner. “Well, what I was saying is that our latest project will be our heaviest yet. It’s going to take a lot of work, a lot of attention to detail and therefore collaboration with others outside of our company. The branch in Tokyo that held the annual summit a few weeks ago has reached out and would like to be included.”

Ice cold water felt like it had been doused down your back, your nerves jolting in shock. Of all the branches, why Tokyo? Niigata’s branch was good. Albeit, not as big and popular and well known as Tokyo, but still good.

“We’ve projected about a year from start to finish. I wanted to visit Tokyo next week to begin initial talks, create a plan, statements of work, you know the whole spiel. I want you there.”

The anxiety washed away for just a second, your heart pumping at yet another opportunity to get your foot in the door.

“Of course. I would be honored to be apart of this sir.”

“Yaga was especially impressed with your work ethic last month and insists on your presence.” He smiled again at you, his kindness radiating off his skin and made your shoulders relax slightly. “You’re a great person on this team and I wouldn’t have anyone else. I’ll have details to you by end of day.”

***                                              

Your happiness had slowly melted away by the time you made if back to your office and sagged into your chair.

It was a great opportunity. The assistant to the leader of a large multiple branch project? The best thing to come into your lap in a while.

You’ve worked so hard for this. Another step closer.

But the fear of your future, the anxiety of something you had no contingency plan for, the frustration and sadness of having to do this alone was just too palpable to ignore.

Meetings that you would have to reschedule because of OB appointments. Money that you would have to rearrange to plan for a life you didn’t intend to nourish this soon. Disappointment that you would have to swallow from Jin when you told him that you would have to take maternity leave and someone else would have to fill your place.

It was too much. You’re not ready. You’re not fucking ready.

The door to your office opened before you could have another thought.

“Oh my god, if he texts me again I’m going to fucking scream y/n—” Ome paused, her hand on the doorknob as she looked at you softly. “Why are you crying?”

You reached for your face quickly, fingers touching the wetness on your cheeks before you pulled them away to look at the tears on your fingertips. Ome closed the door softly and walked to you, her hand resting on the side of your neck.

“Tell me.”

You should have said something as soon as you walked in the office this morning. You could never go long without telling her your thoughts. But from the moment you hung up the phone with the gynecologist in your car until right now, you’ve been on auto pilot. So much turbulence, but on auto-pilot all the same.

Your vision blurred as you looked up at her, her face distorted through your tears.

“I’m pregnant.”

Finally saying it out loud seemed to be the final nail in the coffin as you hiccupped harshly and broke down in front of her. She knelt down immediately, pulling you into her embrace and pressing your face into her blouse as you sobbed loudly into the soft fabric.

Accidents happen and you can never truly be prepared for a pregnancy. You wouldn’t get rid of it. While you weren’t against that choice, the thought of doing so only made you feel worse. But you thought you would at least be with someone when the surprise came.

But that one drunken night five weeks ago changed everything. His glares during a night out with coworkers were dulled by the many shots of sake you took and started the course of a path you didn’t even want to imagine him being the catalyst of.

Because the first day you met him, he was quick to judge and cut you down with words that made you swear you would never foster a stupid work crush again.

Of all the men it could have been.

It had to be Nanami fucking Kento.

#Nanami kento #Kento nanami #Nanami Kento x reader #Nanami Kento x black reader #Nanami Kento x black fem reader #nanami x you #Nanami Kento x y/n #jujutsu kaisen #jjk #jjk x reader #jujutsu kaisen x reader #It Had To Be You #mysteria157 #anime x black reader #Nanami Kento fanfic #jjk fanfic #jjk x black reader #Nanami Kento smut #jjk au #masterlist #It Had To Be You masterlist

[eksvaized]

[ Previous ┃ Next ] [ All In One ] part 14, MDNI

Simon talks, talks, and talks. His voice reverberates through the room. It's firm, resolute, and leaves no room for negotiation or dispute. Refusing to abandon the search, he tells you that returning home without your brother is no longer a viable option. He presents you with a choice: you can stay in the shop, wait a day or two until Simon returns, or you can go with him. Regardless of your decision, Simon will be leaving. He will go looking for your brother, with or without you, by his side.

"Simon, please," you implore, your voice heavy with exhaustion and frustration. You draw in a shuddering breath, the air around you heavy with tension, and release it slowly as if you're deflating a balloon of your pent-up fear. You walk closer, only coming to a halt when you're standing right in front of him. "We can't keep going anymore. I want us to go home. I want us… you to be safe." Your eyes lock with his. Your shoulder is still throbbing, but you keep your back straight. You don't dare to glance at your wound, not wanting to reveal you have been bitten, not wanting to add more burden to his already heavy shoulders. Not yet.

His lips part, as if he's about to speak, yet he bites his tongue. After a few moments of silent contemplation, he finally forces his chaotic thoughts into coherent words.

"My life, and my efforts to preserve it—they no longer matter," he says and rubs his face before turning and walking away. As he moves, he nudges you lightly with his shoulder. It's an unspoken request for you to move aside and give him some space.

"What do you mean, it no longer matters? Of course, it does." Your trembling hand reaches out to grab his arm, hoping to stop him, to make him turn around and look at you. Yet, halfway through the motion, you hesitate, your fingers hovering in the air before you withdraw your palm and take a step back.

Since your narrow escape from the ravenous horde of the dead, you've done nothing but engage in relentless arguments. Your voice, once soft, now echoes with the harsh clang of surrender, a desperate plea to abandon this doomed crusade. Yet, no matter how hard you attempt to rationalise with him or how passionately you articulate your unwillingness to have him risk his life for your sake, his resolve remains unwavering. He stares at you, eyes clouded with confusion, unable to decipher the sudden shift in your behaviour—your abrupt, jarring decision to forsake the search for your brother. You are aware of what needs to be done to put an end to this futile back-and-forth. Still, it's a challenging task to muster the courage to express your thoughts, to reveal the secret you've been hiding from him.

"Just a short while ago, you were determined, insistent on finding your brother. It's impossible that in the span of a mere ten minutes, you've so drastically changed your mind, deciding that this is no longer what you truly want." He pauses, turning around to face you, his eyes meeting yours with an intensity that sends a shiver down your spine. "I'm running out of time, and I have to help you before it's too late."

You are perplexed, unable to comprehend what he is trying to tell you. As though in slow motion, he extends his arm towards you. You notice the torn sleeve of his jacket. Suddenly, a heavy weight descends onto your shoulders, like a slab of ice, sending shudders down your back. You attempt to speak, to ask what's happening, but the words remain trapped in your throat, choking you. Simon unrolls his sleeve, revealing the dried blood that stains his skin. As he peels away the fabric further, the shocking sight of an awful wound comes into view. It's a bite mark, cruel and jagged, as if teeth have been brutally drilled into his flesh.

"When I tried to reach you—I was so focused on making sure that you don't get hurt—I failed to be aware of my surroundings. Some biter got me, I felt its teeth sinking into my arm," he explains. His voice is filled with a strange calmness that somehow makes the situation even more unbearable.

The only thought shrouding your mind, like a relentless fog, is your culpability. It was you who had recklessly dashed back to retrieve the fallen pistol. It was you who had needed to be saved while the ravenous biters circled around you, like a lone deer surrounded by wolves. Simon got bit because he placed your life before his own without a second thought. And in the end, none of it matters. By the time he had reached you and pulled you away from the dead, you were already a lost cause.

With a muted wince, you raise your arm. Pain shoots through your body like a bolt of lightning. Your trembling fingers hover over the vicious bite on your shoulder. As you trace the outline of the teeth marks, a grim reminder of your impending fate, the sticky, warm blood that's still seeping from the wound causes you to grimace. It trickles down your back, staining your shirt and jacket in a dark, crimson hue. The sensation of the liquid, reminiscent of a relentless river seeping into the fabric, makes your muscles tremble.

He doesn't pull away immediately. Instead, his muscular arms encircle your frame, pulling you closer to him, drawing you into his warm embrace. He whispers softly into your ear, "After all that's happened between us… I lo… Actually, that's irrelevant—The point is I don't want you to be left alone."

Like a snowflake surrendering to the gentle heat of a palm, you allow yourself to melt into Simon's embrace. You close your eyes, sealing away the harsh reality. Burying your face into his chest, you nuzzle your nose into his shirt. The fabric smells like him, and a mix of sweat, dirt, and fresh blood.

The relentless march of time hurls forward at an alarming pace. It feels as though you just met Simon yesterday, yet many months have passed since that day. The moment you got to know him, to really know him, it was as if a gust of fresh air filled your lungs, a sensation so invigorating it felt as though you had been unknowingly yearning for it your entire life. You never expected to fall in love with someone in this bizarre new world. Yet, you did. But now, no matter how much you want to plan your future with Simon, to reassure yourself that those nasty bites will heal, a part of you knows better than to get lost in the labyrinth of fantasies that bear no chance of becoming reality.

Simon's hand gently moves across the delicate curve of your lower back. His fingertips trail upwards, tracing the bumpy ridges of your spine. It's a soothing touch, so subtle you barely notice. Unhurried, his hand continues its journey upwards, coming to rest on the round of your shoulder. As if scalded by the hot water, he jerks his palm back. His heart plummets to his knees. The sudden terror takes hold of him. An icy chill creeps over his face, turning his complexion a ghostly, ashen colour as he moves his palm towards himself. His worst fears are confirmed at that moment. His fingers, now trembling, wrap around your arms, and he forces you to turn around. The shock renders him speechless. His voice gets trapped in his throat. When you glance over your shoulder, your eyes meet with his, and in them, you see a reflection of your own fear, like a mirror image in a still lake. His gaze is brimming with anxiety. After a moment, his focus shifts back to the bite on your shoulder. The sight of it sends another shiver through him, the reality of the situation sinking in.

In the dense, suffocating silence that has enveloped you both, no words dare to escape your lips. The gravity of the situation has rendered speech unnecessary, and there are simply no appropriate words that could possibly capture the tempest of emotions storming within you. You both realise you are going to die, and there is no way to avoid it.

Simon, in particular, is immersed in a dense fog of guilt and self-blame. It feels like a heavy stone is lodged in the pit of his stomach. After all, he was the one who had insisted that you swear to keep his pistol safe. His instructions were clear to you. So, when the gun slipped out of your grasp, you didn't hesitate, didn't pause to weigh the risks. Instead, you raced back to retrieve it… You are equally filled with remorse, chastising yourself for your own stupidity. How could you have been so foolish to return for a mere gun, only to find yourself swamped by a starved horde of the dead? The decision was impulsive and foolhardy, and you've forced Simon into a situation where he had to gamble his life to save yours.

"I just want to go home," you whisper, the words barely escaping your lips before they're swallowed up by the heavy silence hanging in the air. As the echo of your voice fades, you take a hesitant step back, feeling the distance grow between the two of you. His hands slide down from your shoulders, grazing your body like a feather caught in a breeze before they fall back to his sides.

Simon gives a slow, understanding nod. He knows that the idea of going on a wild goose chase for your brother is futile at this point. Time is not a luxury you possess. Even if you were to somehow pinpoint his exact location, the task of infiltrating the heavily fortified base is a monumental challenge in itself. The thought of successfully navigating through it seems like a far-fetched fantasy. And if, by some miracle, you find your brother, there's absolutely no guarantee the three of you can sneak out unnoticed. The base is teeming with men who are eager to catch Simon. It would be akin to willingly stepping into a viper's nest, where the odds are overwhelmingly stacked against you.

Despite the searing pain of abandoning the search for your brother, a part of you is forced to acknowledge the bitter reality. You yearn to spend your remaining time with Simon. You want to cherish each moment, each breath with him before it's too late. The decision to forsake your brother is cruel, yet it's a sacrifice you feel compelled to make.

TAG LIST: @randointhecloset, @lurkinwbreexy, @breadpitt69 , @browtfyoudoing , @yelenassafeplace, @itsthealice, @naxxsstuff, @lotionlamp, @aquarianix If you want to be added, let me know!

#simon ghost riley #simon riley x reader #writing #simon riley x you #cod #ghost x reader #call of duty #ghost x y/n #ghost x you #ghost cod #ghost #ghost call of duty #cod ghost #ap2 #zombie apocalypse #apocalypse #apocalypseaughost #fem!reader #cod fanfic

[audhd-author]

YESSSSSSS PT.2 PT.2 PT.2

And taking the opportunity, since they are engaged on this, can I also ask for the wedding ceremony too? We could use some tony fluff 🥹

Hey anon!

Of course I can do the wedding ceremony, I'll get started on it when I can but for now here's the part two to Charity Ball!

I also apologise to everyone for taking a moment before posting again, its been a busy week and I doubt my weeks will slow down so I might only be posting on weekends for a while.

- Audhd Author

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Charity Ball (Pt. 2)

After a long night of remote controlled fun, Tony intends to keep his promise from the ball.

1,432 words

NSFW (18+)

Hair pulling, rough sex, cunnilingus, ownership kink (if you squint), marking kink, creampies, restraints, multiple orgasms, blindfolds, nipple play, fingering

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“Cum for me, love.” He murmurs, gently nibbling your earlobe as you let yourself go. Pure bliss crashes over your body, euphoria filling your veins as your body shudders with delight against him. “That’s my girl.” You can barely hear his affirmations through your light-headedness, fully relying on him to keep you upright as your body pulsates with divine pleasure.

“When we get home, I’m not going to stop until the only word you can scream is my name.”

_______

Tony plans to keep to his promise. Lifting you up, he sucks the skin of your neck into his mouth as you wrap your legs around his waist as he walks into the bedroom. Your back bounces on the bed as he throws you down, quickly crawling over you as he grabs your hands, pinning them above your head with one hand. His teeth gently bite into the sensitive skin on your neck, his tongue gently licking over the indents, turning pain into intense waves of pleasure. Moans fall freely off your lips, already so stimulated from the toy still stretching your walls.

His hands make quick work of removing your dress, revealing the red lace lingerie accentuating your body. A low growl emits in his throat at the sight before he reaches forward, pulling the hidden handcuffs from the headboard. The fluffy material hugs your wrists as he secures them, his lips still dancing over the skin of your neck. His hand slips under your panties, gently removing the toy as you're left with an empty feeling after all that time. Through your bra, Tony sucks your nipple into his mouth. The feeling of the lace with his hot breath makes your body shiver in delight as his tongue runs over your now hardened bud, a soft gasp escaping your lips as he does. Switching his attention to your other nipple, he repeats his ministrations, extracting his name from you in a breathless moan.

His hot breath dances over your bare skin as he trails his mouth down your stomach, peppering gentle kisses over your body as he positions himself in between your legs. Grasping the waistband of your panties in his teeth, he drags them down your legs, a deep groan escaping him as he sees your release coating your thighs. His hands grab your hips firmly as he runs his tongue through your folds, stopping just before your sensitive clit. Undoing his tie, he gives you a questioning look. Understanding his meaning, an excited smirk pulls at your face. His lips press against yours gently before he wraps the tie over your eyes, securely tying it behind your head.

Goosebumps rise over your skin as your remaining senses heighten. Feeling the bed move beneath you, you hold in an anticipating breath. Ever so soft, Tony's tongue lightly trails around your clit, a soft moan escaping you as he does. Gently pulling against your restraints, your hips instantaneously buck towards him, silently begging for more. Again, Tony repeats his ministration as your back arches towards him. Your body shivering with anticipation, he extracts another moan from you as he continues, sucking your clit softly between his lips. Your veins surge with pleasure as he begins to teasingly nip along your inner thigh, no doubtedly a line of purples and reds blooming over your skin.

His flattened tongue runs up the sensitive skin where your dripping core meets your inner thigh, a shiver running down your spine as he does. Returning his attention to your aching bud, his tongue gently flicks over it, your body squirming against the restraints in response. His fingers tighten their grip on your hips as he switches up the movements on your clit. A gasp falls off your lips as he begins to spell. M. I. N. E. Your thighs try to clench shut as arousal leaks out of you. "Yours." You repeat as a groan falls off his lips, a carnal desire flowing through his veins. Trailing his fingers teasingly over your entrance, your body arches as he pushes two fingers inside you, pressing firmly up against your sweet spot. A string of curses fall off your lips in a breathless moan as he increases the pace of his tongue, flicking it over your sensitive mound.

There’s nothing more that Tony loves than being in between your legs, a dominant female with a wild spirit that turns into a moaning mess beneath him just from his tongue and fingers. Mesmerised by the sight of your hips grinding over his fingers, he increases his pace. His nails dig into your hip bones as he tightens his grip, leaving scratch marks down your skin. The coil in your stomach tightens further as he thrusts his fingers in and out of you at an ungodly rate as your legs begin to shake around him. “You’re mine, darling.” He growls against your clit, euphoria crashing over you as your body succumbs to the pleasure. “Only yours, Tony.” You manage to moan out amidst a string of curses. Pure bliss floods your veins as your body shakes uncontrollably. Your thighs close around Tony’s head as your chest rises and falls heavily with each breath, the cuffs straining around your wrists.

You can feel the bed move beneath you as Tony leans forward to place a gentle kiss on your lips, letting you taste your release on his tongue as his fingers swiftly undo the cuffs. Your wrists feel empty without the fluffy material pressing against your skin. His fingers dance over your body as he slides one hand behind your back to unclasp your bra as he reattaches his mouth to your nipples. You can hear each item of clothing land on the ground as Tony hurriedly undresses. "Roll over." His voice is deep but no louder than a whisper, your core immediately aching for him as you hear his words.

He places a pillow beneath your stomach as you obey, your ass arched towards him. His knees on either side of your legs, he pushes them together as his hands pull your arms behind your back. Holding them in place with one hand, you can feel him line himself up with your entrance. You can't help his name falling off your lips in a gasped moan as he pushes inside. A groan emits from his throat as your walls stretch around his girth, arousal leaking from your core. You can feel him rubbing against your sweet spot with each slow buck of his hips, breathless moans freely escaping you. His muscled chest presses against your back as he leans over you, peppering kisses over your shoulder as he begins to increase the pace of his hips.

Each thrust in this position makes you see stars, the depth of him stretches you out in the most delicious way. You can feel the coil in your stomach tighten with each ministration as you breathe out a shuddered 'fuck.' Again, his pace increases, now moving in and out at a rapid speed. A low groan escapes him as he leans back, one hand reaching forward to grab your hair as the other still restraints your hands behind you. A string of curses escape you in a desperate moan as he pulls your head back by your hair. Your thighs begin to twitch around him as each precise buck of his hips rubs over your sweet spot. "Scream my name, darling." He growls, his tone deep as he works the both of you closer to your highs. At those three words you can feel the coil in your stomach snap. You obey his order as your body clenches around him, shaking with pleasure.

Tony's hips stall before you feel his hot release coat your walls, prolonging your high. He groans against your skin as he collapses on top of you, his grip loosening on both your hair and hands as stars dance over your vision. Placing a gentle kiss to the back of your shoulder, he slowly pulls out of you, immediately removing his tie from your eyes as you try to regain your breath. Moving up the bed beside you, Tony's arms wrap around your body, pulling your back to his chest as he gently kisses up your neck.

"Are you ok, darling? I wasn't too rough, was I?" He murmurs as you immediately shake your head. "I'm ok love, you know I like it rough." You grin as a soft chuckle sounds from behind you. Placing another kiss to your skin, you can feel his smile against it. "That's my girl."

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#tony stark fanfiction #tony stark smut #audhdauthor #marvel #marvel fanfiction #marvel smut #tony stark x reader #tony stark

[coldresolve]

Your post made me think, you said abuse is “slow burn” and torture is “explosion” but what about cases of months or even years of torture? What would that be classified as? Because it’s not the interrogation type.

Wouldnt there be a point where the person is so damaged mentally and physically from the repeated pain and psychological torment that they just give up entirely? If they see absolutely no end? Like they dont interrogate him but just hurt him, out of a vendetta or something like that.

Im asking because a lot of stories i see here on tumblr are not about interrogation but mostly like a… “passion” kinda thing? And although i personally dont really like this whole “pet whump” concent (even writing it down it looks dumb), keeping someone locked for years and conditioning him with torture could possibly grind down a person’s will to basically nothing. It’s my personal opinion and just thinking about it, i feel like it would happen to me if i was in that situation. Like not torture once or twice but for months or years (given the fact that he stays alive of course)

What are your thoughts on that? (And again not pet whump i know what you think of that and honestly, same hahaha)

it would be classified as torture. i'd see it as a very intense long-time burn with a bunch of explosions along the way, i guess, if we're sticking to that metaphor.

fair warning, heavy subject matter: i'm going to talk about a historical case of long-term imprisonment and torture, including some stuff about suicide, sexual assault and executions. im trying not to get too graphic in my descriptions to not sensationalize it, but these were real events and i don't want to take away from how horrific it was, so. idk i guess im still figuring out how to balance those two things.

in 1941, the allies started engaging in conflict with the japanese imperial army throughout the pacific, which, among other conflicts japan had going at the time, resulted in the capture of prisoners of war, especially from 1942-1945. these POWs were held in camps mostly located on japanese soil or in the philipines, but they shifted around quite a bit as the war progressed and the japanese war machine got more organized, so throughout the months or sometimes years of their imprisonment, POWs were constantly moved from camp to camp, with no warning or explanation.

the japanese imperial forces famously viewed surrender as beneath contempt. you can imagine how that belief influenced their treatment of POWs.

you'll read accounts from the survivors of these camps about how POWs were fed rice soup infested with enough worms to move on its own, usually as the only meal they recieved in a day. the kinda shit you're happy to eat because you're starving to death. this wasn't the result of a food shortage, either. it was deliberate, because someone who is starving is less capable of fighting back. as a result, a lot of POWs and political prisoners in japan died of starvation. or, alternatively, disease or infection as a result of sleeping in tight quarters in rooms infested with bugs and vermin, or not having access to clean drinking water. sanitation was nonexistent.

rape of POWs was common. beatings, stimulated drownings, stress positions and other forms of torture, either as an "interrogation" method, punishment, or just for the hell of it in a lot of cases, were common, and often resulted in death. executions were common. the remains of the deceased were often mutilated.

and there's this thing about the cycle of violence...

This added to the rising tide of hatred and racial discrimination of the Japanese people on the home front. Due to the assumed military threat and the inability to verify at this time, 110,000-120,000 Japanese Americans were interned in the western United States. While torture was expressly forbidden by the US government, loss of property and dignity changed the lives of many US citizens of Japanese descent. (x)

but i digress.

when you read about the japanese POW camps, or the concentration camps used throughout the holocaust, or the forced labor camps of the USSR, or any other account of long-term torture, survivors often talk a lot about the fact that the human ability to adapt to extreme conditions like these is staggering. defiance is the norm with torture, and it comes in the face of being treated like someone who is less than human, in every aspect of life. escape attempts, attacking the guards, obstructing forced labor, sabotage, sneaking aid to other prisoners in need, stealing food or other necessities, and the list goes on and on and on. all of these things, at least to me, speaks to a belief in life, in the face of the most morbid fucking conditions you could imagine. human beings are really, really resilient, that's the thing.

and they'll also describe how some people just "gave up". some committed suicide. some just deteriorated rapidly, physically, once they'd lost the hope and will to survive. some collapsed doing physical labor and just layed there waiting to get shot in the head. that happens, too, and erasing that part of reality isn't fair. i don't think anyone has the right to think any worse of these people, or to consider them "weak". despite me being passionate about suicide prevention, i think the decision to die in extreme circumstances like this is understandable, and it's not something i would ever consider a moral or personal failure. this is not a question of being "conditioned". its the conscious decision, sometimes as an act of defiance in and of itself, to avoid being subjected to more torture.

torture destroys. it cannot create anything. and there is no such thing as controlling how it will affect someone. if you're aiming for "conditioning" or "brainwashing" - you can try to break someone down, and if you're successful in making them give up on life, which there's a good chance you won't be, even after years - you're not gonna be able to "replace" that hopelessness with something else. they're not gonna do what you want them to do, or believe what you want them to believe. why would they? they've given up. congratulations, that's the literal only thing you've achieved. and you can enjoy that achievement for as long as it takes them to kill themselves or deteriorate and die.

the effects that torture has on victims vary greatly from person to person, that it's not something torturers can predict, or "direct", or otherwise have any control over whatsoever. it's not just that the list of neurocognitive changes and mental/physical health issues that can be caused by torture is diverse. victims of torture vary in how they conceptualize their trauma, and the people who caused it. they deal with moral injury in different ways. they come to different conclusions about it. and no wonder - fitting something like torture into your view of humanity in general isn't particularly straightforward. a common trend is that torture survivors generally don't tend to speak very positively about their torturers. they might reach a point of understanding, or even forgiveness, after years of processing what was done to them. but this isn't exactly the same as excusing it, yknow. it's part of them healing from their trauma.

if you're interesting on reading about more long-term imprisonment and torture like this, there's a plethora of books out there. unbroken by laura hillenbrand is a biography of louis zamperini, and it specifically deals with the japanese POW camps and the historical context that surrounded them. the gulag archipelago by aleksandr solzhienitsyn talks a lot about the political and philosophical ideas that go into the use of torture and labor camps. a book i think you'd find especially valuable here is man's search for meaning by viktor frankl. he was a jewish psychiatrist and a holocaust survivor. he goes into the psychology both of those who "give up" and those whose hope perserveres. it's a pretty harrowing read, but it's one of those books that can genuinely change your philosophy on life in a pretty deep way.

to answer your question, yes, some people do "give up", for lack of a better way to put it. that happens. suicidal ideation can happen as the result of torture. but it is also not as simple as "it makes you give up eventually", because even disregarding the people who went on to survive and tell their stories - most of the POW deaths i've mentioned in this post did not happen as a result of them "giving up" - they died of starvation, or disease, or torture, or they were executed. people who were just as defiant as the ones who ended up surviving, who still had the will and the want to survive, and who held on to that hope until their last breath. humans are tough. unbelievably tough.

i think it's also important to talk about the whole concept of being "broken" here, because it's a thing that comes up with discussions of people "giving up" because of torture. but this post is long, and you can probably imagine why i don't think it's a good idea to describe human beings as "broken", so.

in conclusion,

take a guess at how i view the ideas that underline the "pet whump" genre. lol just a take wild shot in the dark

#asks #torture discussions #torture cw #suicide cw

[c-ones-adults-only-club]

Slowly, Slowly

Crosshair x GN! Reader (no descriptions given)

Rating: E. Minors DNI

Contains: Slow sex, Crosshair being his usual endearing self…

“Take it easy with me, please. Touch me gently like a summer evening breeze. Take your time, make it slow.

Andante, Andante, just let the feeling grow.

Make your fingers soft and light, Let your body be the velvet of the night. Touch my soul, you know how.

Andante, Andante

Go slowly with me now…”

The sheets are bunched up in your fists, hair sticking to your forehead as sweat glistens in a delicate sheen on your skin. Your legs are trembling underneath you as they try to support your weight. Your breath is leaving your body in desperate pants, whines and whimpers intermingling with each ragged exhalation.

Gentle fingers trace your arched spine, before changing direction and lightly caressing your quivering sides in slow, almost tickling, sweeps. They brush down to ghost over quaking thighs and dance over the globes of your buttocks.

All the while, the hard shaft of your lover is rocking into you in torturously slow increments. It feels like it's been hours since you began, and you can feel your release building.

But its just not building fast enough.

"Sweet Gods, Crosshair… please… " A breathy chuckle is your only answer, but he doesn't speed up. Instead, he leans down over your back, dragging his lips over your shoulders and up the nape of your neck, nipping at the skin. He shifts to breathe in your ear, the new angle making him slide against a particularly sensitive spot deep within you. You gasp and whine, clenching and trying to rock back against him, trying to force him to pick up the pace.

Not that you can move very much, pinned as you are underneath him.

He laughs again at your attempts to speed up.

"You wanted slow, cyare. So I'm keeping it slow." You shudder as the silken hiss of his voice dances in your ear.

There are times that you wish you could keep your mouth shut.

This, all because you'd insinuated that Crosshair couldn't do slow and steady, that he only knows hard and fast. You really should know better than to challenge the sniper.

"Is it too late to take it back?" You ask, your voice already husky with breathless need. He chuckles in your ear again, and you can only imagine the smug smirk on his face.

"Too late to take it back, yes. Never too late to beg for mercy." He nips at your shoulder, before clamping his teeth and sucking a mark into your skin. You whine as the slight pain ignites your arousal further.

"Please, Crosshair…"

"Please what, Doll?"

"Faster… please…" He hums in your ear.

"No. I think slow and steady is the way to go. I'm enjoying taking my time with you." He pushes himself into you to the hilt, carefully grinding against your sweet spot with pinpoint accuracy and taking you further to the edge.

And then begins his torturous rhythm again.

"Maker… Crosshair…" You lean forward and press your forehead into the sheets. You can feel everything. Every vein, every shift of skin, every nerve-ending lighting up. Its so intense, slow as it is. It's too much, yet not enough.

You try to move your hand down beneath your body to touch yourself, give yourself some relief, but he notices and wraps his long fingers around your wrist, pulling it up and behind your back. And then he does the same to your other one. You whine at the now complete helplessness of your position.

"You come on my cock or you don't come. Think you can do that, sweetheart?" He angles himself again, this time constantly pushing against your sweet spot. He stills, making you shift and keen.

"I asked you a question, cyare." You know he won't move until he gets an answer, though you find it difficult to re-engage your brain.

"Yes…" He grinds against you.

"Yes, what?" he whispers.

"Yes sir." He kisses your neck before lifting himself up, keeping your hands in place.

"That's good. You're so good, aren't you cyare. You're so good to me. Are you going to come for me, now?" He keeps his thrusts slow but somehow manages to ramp up the pressure against your point of pleasure. You can feel your end approaching, you can already tell that it's going to be the most intense it's ever been.

"Oh, sweet Gods… oh Maker… Cross… Crosshair… please… yes… oh Gods, yes… Crosshair… Crosshair!" He bends and presses his head into your shoulder, growling your name.

And that's all you need for the dam to break.

Your release hits you, harder and more intense than it ever has before. You're certain that you're screaming, but you barely hear anything above the white noise of your climax. Your vision whites out, and you feel like you're floating miles above your body. You hear a guttural wail above you and feel wet heat spreading through you.

And then, you both collapse, your hands pinned between your burning, sweat-slick bodies. Crosshair pants into your ear. You're both trembling from the intensity of it.

It feels like forever before either of you can move. You whimper as the sniper slips out of you and rolls to the side, trying to catch his breath. You weakly shake out your hands and lay against him, basking in the heat pouring from both of your bodies. You feel an arm wrap around your shoulders and a kiss press against your crown. You respond with a kiss to his chest.

"Wow… just… wow…" you say. He chuckles softly.

"Yeah. I know."

"Didn't… didn't think it would be so… intense ."

"Me neither." You lift your head to look at him. He looks back at you with a half dazed expression, like he's still trying to figure out what hit him.

"It was good though, right?" He strokes his fingers over your cheek.

"Very good." He brings you down for a slow and sensual kiss. You groan into it. He grins up at you when you break the kiss.

"We're doing that again." You nod.

"You bet your life we are."

"Just not yet."

"Nope. Need to bring myself down from space, first." You still feel like you're floating. His grin softens, pulling you down into a comforting embrace.

"Take your time, cyare. I'm not done with you just yet." You shiver in his arms.

"Oh? And what do you have planned for me, ner ram'ser ?" His chuckle takes on a strangely dark yet exciting tone.

"Let's just say that your voice is going to be hoarse from screaming." You drag in a shaky breath.

This is going to be a long night…

Dividers by @galacticgraffiti.

@kaminocasey @moonstrider9904 @grinningnexu @nxctuaryninetythree @botherbother-blog @stardustbee

#crosshair x reader #gn!reader #inspired by an ABBA song #of all things

[i-did-not-mean-to]

T - Tragedy

Written for @maalezzo :)

Song: I never told you

Words: 683

Pairing: Bagginshield

Warnings: Sadness, canonical death

After having spoken words much too tender to bear, Thorin closed his eyes—wearied beyond words by the battle and weakened by his wounds.

Time seemed to slow to a crawl as his lids slid down ever so delicately, like snow drifting on the ocean, obscuring the salvation of a blessed isle in the distance.

Never had Bilbo yearned to see that blazing blue—the hottest part of the flame— of Thorin’s eyes as much as in this very moment; it felt as if the sky itself had lost all colour.

Dazed as he was, he couldn’t help but wonder whether the Shire was but a panorama of drab greys now that Thorin had left the world devoid of vibrant colours.

“The eagles,” he cried, then whimpered, then sobbed until his voice was barely above the sound of flapping wings itself. “Thorin, look!”

If only Thorin would open his eyes, Bilbo would not have cared if he had looked at anything but the feathered saviours—he would have been especially happy and gratified if that warm, intense gaze could have touched his own face once more.

Just one more time to prove that he was all right and that the kaleidoscope of joy and anticipation spinning madly in Bilbo’s heart was not broken beyond repair.

“Thorin,” he keened, “there are so many things I have never told you, please, I am begging you, open your eyes and look at me.”

Surely, dwarven manners also demanded that one met the eyes of a person who was trying to engage in a conversation, Bilbo thought frantically, giving the cold, hard shoulder of the one he had stared at longingly for too long a light shake that quickly devolved into jerky wrenching and hard shoving.

“Thorin,” he repeated compulsively. “Look at the eagles, look at me…just pry those lids open…”

And suddenly, all the words he had kept locked up, like his mother’s best silver, burst forth in a maelstrom of agony.

“I live in your gaze, you know? Whether you glower at me in impatience or wink at me in a rare moment of mirth, I love your eyes…they invariably betray your thoughts and feelings. Did you even know? No matter how impassive your posture might be, those deep-blue windows into your soul always give you away.”

I love you, he thought, biting his tongue as his jaw began to quake uncontrollably.

I love you, please don’t leave me here alone.

“I remember all the times you defended and protected me,” he kept on babbling, picking up speed in his race against a clock that had stopped, its perfect silence roaring in his twitching ears. “And I shall do the same for you, I will stay here and keep you safe and warm.”

Fitfully, he pressed a kiss—a weakness he would never have allowed himself in normal circumstances—onto Thorin’s bruised and bleeding brow.

His arms, stronger than they had ever been, closed around the frighteningly heavy and motionless body of the dwarven king, pulling him against his heaving chest.

“Please,” he sobbed, “please, Thorin, if you could just look at me one more time, I could tell you what these last months have meant to me—what you mean to me…”

When he got no reply, Bilbo cupped Thorin’s face and—with a dirty, hesitant thumb—he pushed up one blood-encrusted lid carefully.

He had spoken true for—when he looked down into those eyes he so adored—he saw dull, lifeless darkness; there was no sign of the king’s dry humour or absurd pride.

Infallibly, those eyes that had caressed and reprimanded, praised and comforted him, spoke a truth too monumental and heavy to ever put into words. Thorin had ever been taciturn and so it was unsurprising that this humble admission of defeat and his last goodbye would be expressed by his empty gaze rather than by a rambling speech.

Bilbo wanted to wail, but—along with Thorin’s life—words had fled him and so he merely sat on the icy ground, chewing on words that would now never be spoken.

@fellowshipofthefics So, here's a sad one for today :(

Lots of love

-> Masterlist

#og post #IDNMT writes #fanfiction #writing #tolkien writing #jrrt #April Alphabet #fotfics april alphabet #fellowshipofthefics #Hobbit #Bagginshield #Thorin x Bilbo #T #Tragedy

[karrenseely]

Hurting and Rambling

Depression sucks. My mood has backslid today. I don't want to be here. I don't want to deal with the dysphoria. I don't want to deal with the hate. Nevermind that most of the hate is just remembered from childhood. Parts of me are so stuck that it feels like now. I don't want to be have to be the one that comforts the little girl in me. It shouldn't ever have had to have been me. It should have been my parents.

She hurts so much. My therapist is on maternity leave as of this coming week. I don't know what I'm going to do with no outlet, with no one to help mediate with the part of me that hurts so much and the parts that hate me and the parts that just want to end it all so all of this just stops.

Parts of me are scared. Other parts of me are just done. And the part of me that hate myself is running rampant. He scared the ever living light out of me a few months ago. Up to that point, I had no idea how much self hatred I had. But that day, he made it very clear. In comes this intrusive imagery of him stabbing me with a large knife, savagely, over and over and over and over again. And I so wanted to do that to myself in that moment, never mind that it's not really possible to stab yourself in that way over and over again. The feelings were there. I hated myself viciously and savagely in that moment. I've never fantasized about physically hurting anyone, not even my parents. So this imagery and the feelings that went with it threw me for a loop.

I've kinda been ignoring them for the past few months. But this evening... I just don't want to be here, and I can feel that part of myself egging my suicidal self on... and right now. I don't really care that he's doing that. Over the past 3 months I've been in intensive outpatient treatment. I had TMS therapy, ketamine therapy, psych meds, counseling... And all of it has at most brought me back to my baseline meh at most.

It's not bad, I'm not hurting all the time when I'm at my baseline. But it's still just a feeling of meh. Of going through the motions and not knowing why I'm doing it, but the survival instinct is engaged so I just keep going. I went through all of this treatment to really feel better. Not meh. To actually try and get that feeling of contentment I once had back. But when it comes down to it, none of the things I've done have helped the little girl in me not feel so much pain and hurt. I don't know if anything can help her anymore. Maybe I ignored her too long. Or maybe there's just no healing what was done to me. I feel so broken. I feel like the freak I've been called in the past. And she doesn't understand why her parents didn't love her, why they hated her. So she thinks she's a monster too. Why else would her parents hate her so much?

I've just started equine therapy because I'm running out of options and I thought that it might help... but it's infrequent. And it's conflicting with my ketamine therapy. I do feel better when I'm with the horses, but it's short lived. And last session was hard, we kept getting close to the hurt and pain, and then stepping back. Dancing up to the line and back. That takes its toll too. I'm fairly certain that's part of the treatment. But tonight, everything feels too slow. Nothing seems to be working. And the part that doesn't want to be here, that doesn't want to deal with this world is really strong tonight.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not planning on doing anything about it. I haven't been fantasizing about how I'd end myself. Nor do I have access to my preferred methods when I did fantasize about how to do it. But the feelings of not wanting to be are there. I haven't gotten anything done today. All I've been trying to do is distract myself. I tried sending some of that pain and hurt to my therapy horse to hold for a little while... but I'm not that attached to him yet... He's a nice horse... but he's just an acquaintance at this point. I don't have any strong feelings for him, any significant connection... so it just feels like I'm going through the motions... I wonder if that's the fact that I'm Demi or if it's just because I'm hurting so much and don't trust or form bonds easily. Maybe it's both... or that could be a chicken and egg question. Regardless, it's not really helping. He doesn't feel real when I'm not next him.

Nothing feels particularly solid at the moment. Not even the bonds to my chosen family. Not because anything bad has happened with them. I think it has more to do with just how much the little girl in me is hurting, is longing for a feeling of belonging, completely and unconditionally. And she can't see it for all the pain she's in, that her chosen family does love her, loves her a lot. Other parts aren't helping as they know my SO isn't physically attracted to me. That she doesn't see me as a partner or a lover. And they think that's necessary for an SO, never mind my being ace. Nevermind that the most my fantasies involve of her is cuddling. They see the lack of physical contact and romance as damning of our relationship and love to insert constant doubts, particularly because she's that way with her other SO's. And these parts will latch on to any evidence to help support it, no matter how unreasonable that evidence is. But the end result is I feel lonely despite my chosen family.

We're poly, so it's not like I can't look for someone to fill the need for physical contact... but, it's hard. I didn't really get to be a kid, I almost never dated. And I learned early and deeply how dangerous it is to tell the people you love your deepest needs, fears, feelings. So even if I find someone I can't get myself to talk about anything meaningful. But then I don't know if that's what society has told me I need to do/taught me...

I mean, if I write it down and give it to the person... or talk via texting, I can sometimes get those deep feelings across. But to verbalize them? I've never been able to verbalize them with anyone I love. Even when I came out to my parents the first time, I did it via letter because I couldn't be verbal. The second time was the same... I think. It's all kinda fuzzy. The last time I came out to them and put my foot down, it was still via letter. I dunno. Maybe if I'd gotten the love and support I needed then, I would be able to verbalize my feelings in the moment today. But maybe not. Maybe it's just inherent faulty wiring in me, like all the other faulty wiring...

Being Trans, ADHD, not knowing if my feelings are atypical when it comes to SO's. Having recently begun to want to have sex w/ someone but not with my SO even though I'm fairly certain I'm ace. I mean, do I even really understand what love is? What it means to be in love? What it means to be ace vs just some completely broken miswired human being?

Can I be ace if a part of me wants to have sex with someone? I thought I was demi, but this part that wants to explore that form of physical contact doesn't want it to be with anyone I already have a strong emotional bond with... Is it because of the trauma? Is it becuase there's something wrong with me? Some faulty wiring. Or is it because I'm just a freak of nature that never should be?

I thought I understood what love and romance were, because I thought I felt those things in movies and stories where it was happening... but now. Now I'm not so sure. I mean... I never really understood sexual attraction. Anyone that I had the hots for, it wasn't that I wanted sex with them, it was just that I wanted to be in there presence. I wanted to get to know them, to be friends... These days, I understand how not typical that is. Worse, it's rare for me to even have those feelings about a person in the first place. And that makes it that much harder to find someone who would even remotely return those feelings. That's not to say there aren't people out there that want a sexual or romantic relationship with me. I know of at least one... but I don't feel the same way. My feelings rarely mesh with anyone else in a way that would meet either of our needs wholly and completely. The closest I've gotten is my current SO.

Add to that that I know how much self hatred is present in me, and how am I supposed to love anyone wholly and completely when I don't even love myself, when I feel like a monster, a pervert. Someone whose own parents couldn't even love her. How could anyone else? And so these thoughts just run around and around in my head. And nothing ever really changes. I still feel bad, I still have no idea how to interact with people to indicate I'm interested in them in terms of a close a relationship. I never got that education growing up, because I couldn't be the teenage girl I was at that age... And now, it feels like it's too late, even though the rational part of me says otherwise. It's easier to believe the parts that hate me.

And so no solution is in sight. And now I just end up having fantasies that a someone will come and save me. Will sweep me off my feet and just hold me and comfort me and love me, except, I don't want to be called George. And I want to be able to give back. I want to be able to give back so much... Now that I think about it, I suspect that's why I'm constantly trying to help my SO in lots of ways, whether it's paying for stuff, or giving rides, driving, or getting dinner... it's because I want to give back and I don't know how else to do it. I feel like all I do is take. Constantly take, that people only tolerate me because they pity me, not because they want my friendship, or want to spend time with me. Because who could ever want to spend time with a freak like me? So I give... I try to give what I have to give. I try to be there, I try to listen, I try to find solutions, I try not to criticize, I never demand, I never ask for what I truly need because if I do, then they'll realize that they just tolerate me and don't need me around anymore and drop me.

I've wandered all over with this post. I'm sorry. My thoughts tonight are not organized. I just needed to write. Even if it's nonsense with no real purpose other than to go in thought circles. It's hard to heal when you don't trust your own perceptions, when you feel like a monster, when it's so hard to trust the people around you. It's even harder when you live in a society that hates you, actively wants you dead and has no compunctions about killing children who are like you.

That's the most terrifying thing about the Right wing terrorists in power across the U.S. they not only don't care that they're hurting kids. They're actively trying to kill the kids in my community... because they know they can. Because they know they can get away with it. It's horrifying. It's even more horrifying watching that evil spread to other countries across the globe. Why? I cannot fathom anything justifying what they are doing. Why would anyone want to hurt and torture children? Why does our society hate children so much? Why does it hate its future so so very much?

Why do so many people claim to be Christian, and then do the very things Jesus would abhor. Worse, they do it in his name. Why? I don't understand. When I was younger, I really thought Satan had won, afterall he seemed to be in control of the churches, the religions, the followers. But these days? I know he doesn't exist. This is all the people's own doing. They are the ones that choose to do these evil things. Not some imaginary being. But people, who feel it's ok to murder and torture other people. Who feel it's ok to murder and torture children. People are responsible for the own actions and inactions. Including myself.

Last year, these terrorists targeted my child's school. Because a parent couldn't accept their trans son and told the terrorists about it. Multiple bomb threats were called in to the school. Traumatizing the children, traumatizing my child. Traumatizing the parents. We don't live an era where it's inconceivable that someone would bomb a school full of children. Not anymore. Not with all the mass school shootings. Not with the evidence of school bombings occuring in other countries. No. There is nothing benign about these threats. They are terrifying. And that's what terrorists do. They work to instill fear, and they do whatever they feel is necessary to do it. Eventually, threats won't be enough. They'll follow through on it. Gods forbid it be at any school, much less my child's. And this is the worst part, our government doesn't take any of this seriously enough. Not really. Yes it's aware right wing domestic terrorism is the biggest threat right now. But it's not doing much of anything to stop it, to curtail it. Because right now it's fashionable to torture and kill LGBT+ kids. Because our society has never seen LGBT+ people as human.

Even after Hitler was defeated, and LGBT+ were freed from the concentration/death camps along with Jewish and Roma people... my people were thrown right back in jail. We were never freed. The world has never acknowledged what it has done to us. It never acknowledged all the LGBT+ people they put back into prison after the war. Everyone else was allowed to go free. The world sympathised with the horrors that were inflicted on the people in those death camps. Except for queer people. We apparently deserved it. We never should have been freed. The world agreed with Hitler when it came to queer people. That hasn't changed. Our society still agrees with Hitler. If it didn't then none of these terrorists would have been allowed to have any power whatsoever. None of them would be allowed to terrorize the queer community as they have. Queer people wouldn't be living under the fear of capital punishment for being queer in other countries. We wouldn't be the world's scape goats for all the ills that exist.

How can I or any of us heal knowing this? And you know what the hardest part of this is? Unlike every other minority group in the world. Way way way too many of us don't have our families, our communities of origin to fall back on. Because our families hate us as much as the world at large does. We don't have the love and support of our families to help us through all this dark horrible stuff. We do the best we can by being each other's chosen families, to be each others communities... but that's not the same. Knowing your own flesh and blood hate you, at best want nothing to do with you, at worst want you dead. That takes its toll, even with the support of communities of individuals who have gone through similar things. Don't get me wrong. We are a resilient group of people, we've survived, some of us have even thrived. But then, we've had to be. We had no other real choice.

And on the individual level? It's hard. It hurts. And some of us are more resilient than others. Some of us survive by believing the propaganda that we're evil, or that certain groups in our community are evil. Some of us don't survive. Some of us survive, but hurt all the time. Some of us... Some of us are fortunate and have loving supportive families. And that is an amazing thing, the most wonderful thing. That families exist today that love and support their queer children and siblings. That so many do is a miracle given the climate we exist in. It's a testament to the hard and diligent work our community has done over the last century. To the sacrifices we've had to make. But it also makes it that much more disheartening when society takes a nosedive and starts targeting us all over again.

Healing is hard enough in the best of times. It's nearly impossible when the world hates you. I don't even know if it is possible when both the world and your family hate you. And I'm tired of fighting. I'm tired of constantly having to justify my right to exist. My right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. Of my children's right to the same. Of my community's children's right to the same.

I don't want to fight anymore. I don't want to have to, or need to. I just want it to all go away. Because unless you are what your society wants, you're garbage to be tossed out when ever you inconvenience that society. And I'm so done trying to get it to change for the better. I'm so tired of it. These days I just want to go to some uninhabited part of the world and create a sanctuary for people to exist, to be compassionate for each other, to understand that we as a species could be so much more if we loved and supported one another rather than try to kill each other over this mote of dust we live on, over one trait one group feels is superior to another group. The problem is, I don't think any place like that exists, I don't think it's existed for millenia... so no I'm tired and I don't want to be here, I don't want to be part of this world. And we don't have the technology to colonize Europa so we can't leave (Billionaire predators have already laid claim to Mars and the Moon)

It is late, I'm going to try and find something else to distract myself with because I'm just saying the same thing over and over again and it doesn't change anything. The world still sucks. And I still hurt so very very much, and the little girl in me still never got the parents/family she deserved and needed.

#lgbt #lgbt+ #lgbtqia #trans #transgender #trans kids #childhood trauma #complex ptsd #trauma #family #LGBTQI+ #lgbtqi community #lgbtq #lgbtq community #queer #queerphobia #prejudice #homophobia #discrimination #intersectionality #bigotry #terrorism #Right wing terrorism #Terrorists #Right wing terrorists #generational trauma #mental health #suicide #SI #asexual spectrum

[khaleesiofalicante]

Ahhhh can’t believe this is my final Tlnd analysis. I know I was late to the game but it’s been such a beautiful journey for me so thank you for giving us all this. Gonna try and keep this one short 😬 (joke of my life tbh). Some pretty fucking special things this epilogue gave me:

A constant presence you can always rely on.

I love how the meaning of this statement has evolved so beautifully over Tlnd. How Alec transformed into this man who now engages persistence and resilience with complete trust in himself and the power of enduring love. He struggled throughout Tlnd with doubting Magnus’ love but now he has complete certainty of the promise and permanence of it’s existence. Now he is prepared to wait patiently, not because he has to but because he knows there is no rush anymore. There is nothing to prove, no desperation to tame. He doesn’t need to hold on so tightly to Magnus anymore, he knows that no matter where he goes and what he does, Magnus will always be a steady current of devotion in his life. I love the fact that they agreed on non-negotiables in their new relationship, that even if it mean being apart they would work around each other’s needs. Alec literally went from this man who clings to this need to keep Magnus in his orbit, to a man who helps Magnus reorient himself back into their orbits. I think it was so beautiful when he decided to move in with Magnus, realising that Albany was a part of a cycle that taught him about his strength and the consequences of endless sacrifice. Albany showed him that he can defy the odds, be an out gay Governor, be married to the man of his dreams, have a beautiful family, uphold the legacy of the Lightwood name. That anything is possible as long as he stays true to himself and honours the people who always fight for and be by his side every single day.

Magnus rushing, Magnus taking time.

It was so interesting to see the way that Magnus’ desperation for Alec’s love took a new form. He went from fearing that he would lose Alec if he chose himself, to realising that choosing himself is choosing Alec too. I think once it all clicked for him he didn’t want to wait anymore, didn’t want to waste another moment not being completely consumed by Alec’s love again. He wants to drown in Alec’s love, he chooses to drown, but this time he knows he can handle its intensity, knows he can swim and stay afloat. Him wanting to get remarried straight away spoke to me of his desire to feel the stability and permanence of their union. To know that he is bound to Alec again, not out of need but out of complete promise to always stand beside each other. To finally be able to pour that endless love he was directing into replacement Alec’s, back into the real Alec, the one who loves and accepts him to no end. I think it was so important that Alec slowed Magnus down, allowed him to gradually come back to him, give him a chance to fully trust their relationship to keep him safe. Know that they have taken time to craft every puzzle piece so it fits seamlessly and harmiously together. This was important because like Alec said: Trust doesn’t come to Magnus as easy as love does. Magnus’ big heart means sometimes he sees potential and possibility over reality. He sees the innocence of people, accepts their flaws and unfortunately has had many people he loved (or who were meant to love him) betray his gentle soul. This is why I think that their first kiss was such a moment! Just that build up of slowly developing an easy affection again, so that when Alec finally kissed him, Magnus surrendered so effortlessly into the safety, solitude and serenity that only Alec can bring him.

Ah, to be Lightwood Banes again.

I can’t believe they waited 8 years to get married again! (did I get that right). It just goes to show that for them, marriage was no longer a necessity but rather a seamless reunion of the completeness of their love. It was kinda interesting because I saw this juxtaposition between their first marriage being something Alec endlessly and desperately fought for and their second marriage being something Alec fought with patience and promise. A big thing here was him realising how important the divorce was for the both of them to grow and heal. The ease of Magnus’ second proposal almost felt like him saying ‘thank you for always fighting for me’ ‘thank you for being you’ ‘thank you for waiting for me’ ‘ thank you for your love’. It was an honouring of the 8 years of unofficial marriage that they had worked hard to build again, the 8 years of respecting each other’s choices, of rebuilding the Lightwood Bane name, of creating a new dream, a new legacy, a new life to keep them safe. I loved the fact the their second wedding was low key and something special for them. Something to remind them of how far they had come, a chance to truly begin again. Shinyun and Ben being there to bless their union was so beautiful because they were the two biggest supporters of Magnus and Alec during the divorce (and the kids too) and by their own regard catalysts for helping Malec find their ways back to each other again.

Alec and his baby.

I fucking loved this. The ease with which the endearment slipped out of Alec’s mouth. How it was something so relaxed and casual. How it was this small piece slotting into place within Magnus, reassuring him that ‘yes, he made it home’. I love how baby went from being a word of claiming Magnus as Alec’s love to a reminder of a promise to always be Alec’s love. The fact that Alec allowed Magnus to call him Alexander from their first reunion moment but he waited to call him baby. It was almost like he was giving Magnus a chance to become the baby he wanted to be, not the baby that Alec wanted him to be. That he would never use the power of that word to try to get persuade Magnus to not choose himself again. That he has no problem waiting because Magnus is the only person that will ever be his baby.

They are a team. They got each other.

Shoutout to the LB fam for fucking killing it this epilogue and last few chapters. I was laughing so much when Magnus was trying to be all heartfelt about telling the boys that him and Alec were dating and Alec literally cut straight to it 😭 I actually loved this though:

It’s more of a conversation. Because we don’t want to just talk. We want to hear you. We want you to feel included. And we want you to be honest about how you feel.

It really spoke to the ways in which Malec were no longer just parents, they were now mentors and also students in their relationships with their sons. They are respecting them as adults now, trusting them to make the right decisions and do what’s right for them. It was so interesting the conflict between Alec and Max. It almost felt like this underlying remaining tension of the fact that Max chose Shinyun & Edom over Alec, in the same way that Magnus chose Shinyun (and Edom too). It just goes to show how sometimes we think we’ve moved on from things but there is always more to learn. That as much as Alec has grown, that he can still make mistakes, that he doesn’t need to be this perfect image anymore, that he will always be supported and loved regardless.

Notable mentions

- Max kinda making Spidey the offical ambassador of Edom 🙃

- Magnus going to Luca again, reminding us that not being okay doesn’t mean you’ve hit rock bottom

- Minerva Jude Lightwood-Bane representing the dreams, love, wisdom and reunion of the legacy that is the LB name.

Song for the formidable and adorable true loves, Malec: Find Someone Like You - Snoh Aalegra (cause baby nothing is perfect but oh you’re perfect for me 🥰)

All the best Dani, thank you again. I hope life gives you all the blessings you deserve.

The fucking end, Mia x

My dearest Mia,

Thank you so so so so much for not only supporting me and loving my story, but also helping me (and others) understand it better. Your reviews and analysis are like the nerdy (affectionate) version of watching YouTube reaction videos. It's TOTALLY my thing.

Thank you for the memes and anaysis and song recs and the love.

I know you are glad you found this fic but I'm so glad this fic found you.

Much love.

Dani x.

#tlnd

[kitewithfish]

Wednesday Reading Meme for 10-26-22

What I've Read - Omega Required - Dessa Lux (aka, fanfic writer Dira Sudis) - Werewolf Omegaverse m/m arranged marriage romance novel- I bought this in 2018, read 25% of it and then never picked it up again, because I am a fool. I finished it this week and I found the main couple really quite charming.  Beau wants to be a werewolf doctor to humans, Rory ran away from home at 16 with an older man who promised to take good care of him and has some major trauma around sex. It's careful to show Rory's recovery, tho it's a romance novel so he's improving on a pretty brisk pace. Beau is used taking care of only himself and not asking for help so he makes some fairly stupid (but very in-character!) mistakes around his new job. The resolution is sweet and generally hits the points that think a thoughtful romance ought to. I am probably going to read other things Dira has written - this series has a couple of other books, and this is hitting a self-indulgent spot for me. Good world building around how werewolves would function in the open in the modern world.

Wife to the Marines: A Military Reverse Harem Romance by Krista Wolf (reverse harem het romance, straight woman with three straight men) - Well, this book had some great elements? The sex was fun, the character dynamics were a bit spare (perfectly fine for this genre) but what was there felt engaging, the plot was brisk and both acknowledged the silly elements but made them feel emotionally true to the female lead's internal life. I finished it and at the low price of $1, I feel like I got my money's worth. I have definitely paid more for worse. 

But, oh man, I am too queer for this book. I am just too dang queer for this book. I literally picked this up because I was curious about the reverse harem romance sub-genre (aka, straight woman with multiple male partners, yay!) and wow, this is just - like, do gay people exist in this world? Do ace people? Polyamory is briefly mentioned but not actually engaged with at all, so functionally, nah. Because I just cannot imagine a world where queer people exist and these men are making the life choices they are making about committed relationships to other men, and having sex with the same woman in a committed relationship, and then like, just not talking about the fact that you are in a queer poly relationship. It's just, like, the most hetero and monogamous take possible on a very queer, very poly relationship. It's almost as if it's a het romance where the dude just happens to have three bodies? It's so fucking weird to see a book go so far out of its way to frame this as hetero brothers-in-arms who love each other? Like, the intense military friendship that is actually a romance in disguise is literally a gay cliche - this one is ours, straight people. 

Also, massive trigger warnings for eating disorders shit (the woman is a trainer and runs a youtube channel where she makes "health food" recipes, constantly breaks food into good or bad categories, calorie counting, talks in detail about the weight loss plans of her clients, none of it needed) and also, uh, military kink?  using the American invasion of Afghanistan as a neutral-to-justified backdrop for a personal vendetta? (Dudes, is it gay to avenge the death of your boyfriend's brother under the cover of a legitimate Marine mission while you lie to him and keep him out of the loop, safe at home with your other shared boyfriend and girlfriend?) This was a compellingly written novel full of sympathetic depictions of people who I would not ever want to have a drink with!

What I'm Reading

A Taste of Gold and Iron - Alexandra Rowland - A re-read for my book club. So sweet, so queer, so fun. Deeply good worldbuilding.

Thrawn: Treason - Timothy Zahn - Getting fun and brisk with this one! 55% in.  Hunting Towards Heartstill - Blackkat - Star Wars Clone Wars Cartoon au - marriage of convenience, fake marriage, Mace Windu/Cody - Slowing down because we're crash landed on an abandoned Sith planet and I'm watching Mace be annoyed at Anakin and, well, he's very annoying! I'm going to try and buckle down and get some more under my belt so that I can actually just get past this part. I got stuck here last time too.

Stay With Me, Go Places - cac0daemonia-  https://archiveofourown.org/works/39540420 - "After months of living a quiet, peaceful life on Ryloth, Waxer and Boil must don their armor again. What begins as a rescue operation in conjunction with a bounty hunter becomes a journey that the Force itself seems to have a hand in." - I am really enjoying this ongoing series, the Reconstruction Corps AU, which posits that a fairly minor change in the Clone Wars plot around the clones control chips allowed the Jedi to stop Darth Sideous and save the galaxy and allow clones like Waxer and Boil to retire to little backwaters and build themselves a community. 

What I'll Read Next

2312 - Kim Stanley Robinson - Book club pick, long one, too! Bought it since we're probably splitting it up over six weeks Library books: Our Wives Under the Sea - Julia Armfield Maul: Lockdown - Joe Schreiber  The Whale Rider -Witi Ihimaera  Tiger's Daughter - K Arsenault Rivera  Riot Baby - Rochi Onyeuchi The Silence of the Wilting Skin - Tlotlo Tsamaase  An Unkindness of Ghosts - Rivers Solomon

Libby:  Truth of the Divine - Lindsay Ellis Devil House - John Darnelle   

#reading meme #dira sudis writes good books #clones wars fanfic #star wars #alexandra rowland writes good books

[hollandorks]

BESTIE OMG THE EPILOGUE

(EPILOGUE SPOILERS AHEAD)

FIRST OF ALL, I KNEW THEY’D BE ENGAGED BY THE EPILOGUE!! when i read the line about him wanting to marry her i was like OOOOO ITS COMING! Y/N ASKING ALFRED TO WALK HER DOWN THE AISLE AND BRUCE ASKING HIM TO BE BEST MAN 😭😭 CRYING (and i love that it’s his mom’s ring!! i expected that but ugh i love it)

GIRLBOSS DRIVING THE BATMOBILE AGAIN/ALL THE TIME NOW!! I LOVE IT!

ofc she helps him now 😌 there was no way she wouldn’t! also love that she’s staying true to edna mode’s words and refusing a cape 🤪 and very glad bruce is making sure she stays protected/bulletproof! (although there’s no way he wouldn’t lmao)

“Sometimes, when she wanted to be funny, she stole Bruce’s eye makeup and wore that, too. It always earned her a smile or a rolling of his eyes.” JDKSHKSJA I LOVE THIS

HER RESTAURANT AHHHHH THATS SO PERFECT!! every single detail about that is just sooo perfect

i love the way they work in conjunction so well 🥺 the fighting together, the way she takes off his armor while he continues to journal, etc. they’re so precious

“Congratulations on the engagement, by the way,” Gordon said with a flash of a smile. He glanced at Bruce. “Looks like you were too slow, buddy.”

^ THIS MADE ME LITERALLY LAUGH OUT LOUD

the conversation about wishing their parents could come to the wedding 😭🥺 aww

shelby i’m literally tearing up i don’t want it to be done!! 🥺 lol what am i gonna do with my life besides sending you incoherent asks screaming about every line i love!

the epilogue was so perfect! sorry i didn’t have much to say except for the fact that i loved it!

i love that you’re getting convinced about taylor swift! and omg your out of body experience when you heard afterglow! i love that (that is like THE bruce and y/n song in my mind) and then not specifically for this chapter but for the couple in general, my song rec is You Are In Love by Taylor Swift :) also, My Heart’s Always Yours by Arkells

again, i can’t believe motn is done 😭 i’m so so excited for the blurbs and sequel and literally just any content you’ll make in the future (including a potential neil fic 😉)

thank you so much for your writing!! love u bestie 🖤🥺

🖤

***EPILOGUE SPOILERS***

Couldn't help getting them engaged!! Their feelings are just so intense for each other (I mean they both literally keep trying to die for each other) that I knew marriage would happen fast-ish. It just makes sense! 🥰

Also glad you liked the eye makeup part 😂 I feel like this reader is going to turn into a serious prankster lmao

And Gordon steals the scene again!! I swear when I go to write him Jeffrey Wright is just like whispering the lines in my ear as weird as that sounds 😅

I don't want it to be done either though 😭 (obviously since I am immediately writing a sequel lol)

Love that you send me TS songs and other song recs in every ask. Keep it coming I love it

Also apparently I've heard You Are In Love before and didn't know it! These lines in particular are so so good for this fic (and especially the epilogue!): "coffee at midnight/ the light reflects/ the chain on your neck" 🥺

Ajdjfjals that arkells song made me so soft for this fic!!! 🥺😭

Thank you so much bestie I love you 🥺🥰

#asks #motn spoilers #bestie 🖤 #🖤 anon #🖤

[bitten-fruit]

hiii i just wanted to say your writing is phenomenal, i am going back to reread licking wounds and i noticed some comments, probs made in good faith!! but still they irked me kinda and i hope that you arent feeling bad for putting updates on the backburner for a bit. your work is amazing and its such a kindness to share it at all for free on here, and i hope you arent being made to feel like some sort of 'content machine' or something, bc ive noticed the cod community starting to treat writers and artists like such but anyway yeah thats all love your stuff, hope youre having a lovely day and your writing is well worth some patience and rereads so ignore anyone being annoying lol💕💕 (and if im just being too sensitive about the comment thing i hope to at least tell you youre an extremely talented writer!!)

this is truly the nicest and sweetest message ever, seriously brought me to tears 😭

i’m genuinely so blessed and grateful that people enjoy my work enough to ask me for more of it, and i’m lucky that most people who request updates are sincerely kind and are just enthusiastic about my stories!!

i have been slow with updates and i do feel guilty about that, because i really want to keep my readers engaged, and i worry that taking too long will alienate some. But genuinely this message is so encouraging, that even one person is willing to wait and even going back to reread is just 🥹❤️!!!

licking wounds especially has reached an emotional peak and will kind of stay that intense for the remainder of the story - which definitely takes a lot more thought and effort to write (hence my delay 😓). But i’ve made my bed and i must lie in it!! I promise i’m working on the next chapter, i have the entire story laid out, I just have to get my fingers going.

truly this message has made my whole month, year even, i appreciate you so much and i’m just so overjoyed that you enjoy my stories 💗💗💗 thank you and i adore you anon!!!

#i love you

[helpinneed]

How to boost your metabolism speedily in seven simple ways.

Weight loss is one of the greatest challenges that many people face or are battling against. One of the best ways to do this is through the proper functioning of one’s metabolism.

I know you might be wondering how to increase your metabolism for an increase or speedy weight loss.

Here I have given some simple ways you can do that without stress. Keep in mind that metabolism is the first thing to be considered when it comes to speedy weight loss. Unfortunately, most people cannot tell how metabolism works. Let me try to explain how it actually works and give seven simple ways you can boost it.

What is metabolism?

‘Metabolism’ is a term that refers to the chemical processes that occur within living organisms so as to maintain life. To be more specific, it refers to the role played by enzymes in the body’s ability to break down or digest food.

For quick weight loss use this proven method

When one eats food, the food is transformed into energy that the body can use.  With a slow metabolism, one’s ability to lose weight is either directly or indirectly slowed down.

Speaking to Dr. Aparna Govil Bhasker, Consultant Bariatric and Laparoscopic Surgeon at Saifee, Namaha, Apollo Spectra, and Currae Specialty Hospitals, Health Shots produced the following ways to speed up metabolism.

Ways to increase one’s metabolism

As earlier said, metabolism refers to how successfully the body performs all its activities, which includes the digestion and absorption of food that provides energy to the body. Metabolism is not something that one can change or improve overnight by just consuming supplements like L-carnitine/fat burners or green tea. Improving one’s metabolism needs a holistic and consistent approach. To get a better result, one can go with the following:

a.  Engaging in high-intensity exercise

There is a need to keep the metabolism and fat-burning rate elevated for hours, longer than just the time you exercise. For this to occur, one needs to engage in high intensity workout. According to Dr Bhasker, HIIT workouts, running, swimming, and cycling are some of the activities that one can try to improve one’s metabolism and burn out fat. This can also help in the reduction or burning up of a lot of calories in a short amount of time.

b. Avoid skipping meals

The habit of skipping meals or eating less is not the proper way to lose weight. To be precise, it can have adverse effects on your metabolism eventually. Putting in Dr. Bhasker’s own words, “Eating at regular intervals helps to maintain the metabolic balance. Having a small meal or snack 1-2 times between the main meals boosts metabolism.” From research carried out, taking snacks in between main meals helps one to eat less during meals.On the other hand, having long gaps between meals helps to slow down metabolism. This is not too good for the system as it increases the body’s ability to store fat. To be sure of what you can take between meals and when to do that, you can consult a nutritionist.

c.  Take or consume green tea

The consumption of green tea is a healthy habit to be practiced if you are fighting body weight. From a review study released by the Maastricht University Medical Centre in the Netherlands, green tea helps boost your energy consumption or the number of calories and quantity of fat you burn per day. When you take about 2-3 cups of green tea each day, it can help the body to burn calories more quickly than it would without it. It is an exceptionally good option to lose weight.

Add food rich in protein to every meal

Energy is spent more on breaking down proteins than carbohydrates and fats. This causes an increase in chemical reactions in the body or metabolism, referred to as the thermic effect of food. According to Dr. Bhasker, a high intake of food rich in protein has been shown to significantly boost metabolism and increase the number of calories you burn.” Moreover, protein makes you feel satisfied, and less hungry which helps to prevent overeating in subsequent meals.

Having enough sleep

You may not be aware that less sleep may affect the hormones in charge of hunger and appetite. Though sleep may not decrease or increase metabolism, lack of it can lead to the imbalance and dysregulation of these hormones. Less sleep causes hunger, which can lead to eating at midnight, intake of sugary foodstuff, and consequently, you may end up taking in more calories than the body requires. Thus, the extra energy can lead to a gradual weight gain as metabolism is affected by this eating habit.

f.   Drink enough water

The role played by water in the body is very important. It helps carry nutrients and oxygen to cells, lubricates joints, lessens the burden on the kidneys and liver by flushing out waste products, and most especially, increases metabolism and controls appetite. These are just some of the many uses of water for the body.  When you drink less water, it causes dehydration which slows down your metabolism. As a man, you need to drink at least 3.7 liters of water a day while a woman needs at least 2.7 liters. This includes other fluids from food and fruits and other sources.

g. Nutritional content

Make sure to take a diet that contains fat-burning food. This helps to speed up your metabolism rate. Foodstuff good for boosting metabolism includes food rich in protein (like meat, fish, eggs, dairy, legumes, nuts, and seeds), food rich in minerals like iron and selenium (required for the proper functioning of the thyroid glands which regulate metabolism), chili pepper (which can help to burn up 50 extra calories per day.), coffee and tea (while coffee contains caffeine, tea contains health-boosting compounds called catechins. The two work together to boost metabolic rate).  Apples, dairy products (high in protein), fish, eggs, lentils, avocado, red fruits (rich in antioxidants), pineapple, kiwi, lemon, ginger, cinnamon, grapefruit, etc.

Try this method of weight loss

#health & fitness #weight loss #weight lose easy #lose weight easily #keto diet #keep fit #healthy lifestyle #healthy nutrition

[cinastre]

honestly ive had are you alright stuck in my head all week and one day is basically the only thing keeping my brain from melting out of my ears

#nyx.txt #lovejoy #the chill dancey indie vibes are a really good middle ground of the stuff i usually listen to #and its not too intense or too slow so it keeps me engaged #also theyre kind of ridiculous songs so theres that #but like im so out of it in life its one of the few things im engaged enough in to not just zone out completely

[readyforthegarden]

Can't Get Enough of You

Based on the prompts from the lovely @screechesincoherently "i can’t get enough of you." / "you could never hurt me." with sam

A/N: This shit hurt, yo. Also I think I'm going to take a brief break from prompts and smut. Just for a bit. I promise I'll be back to keep y'all fed.

Pairing: Sam Kiszka x Reader

Warnings: 18+ ONLY! MINORS DNI! Sensual fluffy smut. If you're a Sam babe, this is gonna wreck ya.

The warmth was what woke you from your deep slumber. A body pressed impossibly close to yours, palms flat your torso to hold you in place. A nose embedded into the hair at the nape of your neck, further warming your bare skin under the duvet. Your tired body stretched to the best of its abilities in this position, and you gently laughed as the arms around you pulled you in even tighter, a small, dissatisfied groan humming from the back of his throat.

“Stay here.” Sam mumbled softly, still half asleep. The bedroom was still dark, just a few patches of moonbeams sneaking through the slats of your blinds. He’d been home from tour for only a week, and you admittedly felt guilty, having had a full schedule the whole time, ending up crashing by 9pm, half your dinner still on your plate. You knew Sam missed you terribly, and you missed him just the same. You’d made sure that last night was the night he wanted since he’d been back. A simple, home-cooked meal, his favorite records on the smart speakers, and deep purple silky, barely there slip dress that always drove him wild with lust and passion.

“I’m not going anywhere, baby.” you whispered, gently placing your hands over his. “I’m right here.” Sam snuggled into your back even more, his soft, plush lips pressing lingering kisses along your shoulder. His hands gripped at your stomach, and you felt the all too familiar prodding against the back of your thigh as his hips softly, lazily rocked against you. “Sam, how are you not exhausted?” he simply rolled you over onto your back, attaching his lips to your in a slow, deep kiss. One of his large hands was cupping your face while he maneuvered his body on top of yours, and you understood what he needed. The hours before had been rough, fast and frenzied. Sloppy and desperate, as the two of you joined together for the first time in a long time.

“I can’t get enough of you.” Sam murmured in your ear, pressing a warm kiss just under your earlobe. “I want all of you, baby.” Humming, you ran your hands down his back, dragging your nails gently, getting the shiver from him you wanted. With a few short movements, Sam was nestled between your thighs, hands pressing them into the mattress and his tongue giving you a long, flat lick. Your head fell back into your pillow, eyes closing at the slow tingles of electricity that coursed through your veins and Sam took his time with you. You felt as if his goal wasn’t just to pleasure you, but to taste as much of you as he could. The little sighs that fell from your mouth were like praises to him, and the soft jolt of your hips as his lips closed around your still sensitive clit filled him with pride.

“Sam, baby that feels so good.” you breathed, your hand running through his hair. You made sure to push it back from his face so you could watch him, his eyes flicking up to as his tongue lapped against your skin. The intensity of his lust-blown brown eyes was nearly enough to push you over the edge right there. He knew you were getting close from your squirming and deftly slipped his middle and index fingers inside of you, pumping as your walls clenched around him. “Oh god baby, yeeess..” Sam worked you through your orgasm, lapping up every drop he could before climbing back up your body, engaging you in a steamy kiss. You tasted yourself on his lips and tongue, gasping sharply into his kiss as he glided his cock into your soaked center.

“Did I hurt you?” he asked, breaking away from the kiss, staring down at you in concern. You stared up at your love, his eyebrows furrowed, body tensed as he held himself above you. Shaking your head, you reached up a hand and cupped his face, bringing his forehead to rest against yours.

“You could never hurt me.” you assured him softly, bringing your lips to his again. Sam’s body unfroze, his hips beginning to thrust against yours, slowly. He was drawing out his movements as his tongue lapped with yours, as if he was savoring every touch. You hooked your legs around his hips, urging this long thrusts a bit deeper, moaning as his lips sucked at your neck and collarbone. Sam’s hips started to pick up the pace as he rested his weight on you. His arms sliding under you against the sheets and cradling you to him. Your breathing was labored, whether from the weight of your lover on top of you or another impending orgasm, you weren’t quite sure. All you knew was no matter how wild, rough and tumble, or kinky the two of you could get together, Sam making love to you was your best and most favorite of the flavors he offered.

Sam’s soft moans in your ear urged you to lift your hips to meet his, whispering in his ear how good it felt and how close you were. Sam groaned, feeling your walls begin to clench around his cock. His hand slid up your back and cradled the back of your head, kissing you again as his hips stuttered against yours. “Fuck baby, I love you so much.” he sighed against your lips. You gripped onto his shoulders, finding your release again through his shallow pumping.

Sam dragged the tip of his nose across your cheek as he caught his breath and stilled his body. The intimacy that dripped with every touch of his skin against yours was overwhelming in the best way. There are the moments you wished you could drown in, no matter how much you loved the goofy side to him, the genius side of him, or the badass rockstar side of him. Sam’s gentle, sensual soft side was always there, but it was always reserved for just the two of you. You reveled in it selfishly, knowing few, if any others, would get to ever experience him this way.

After a few moments, Sam unwrapped himself from you, laying down closely beside you, stretching out his arms, getting the blood pumping back through them. You rested a hand over your chest, feeling your heart beat against it, counting the beats and trying to regulate your breathing. Once you felt like your legs weren’t completely made of jelly, you got up from the bed, heading to the bathroom to clean yourself up. Once you came back, Sam was on his side, patting your empty spot on the bed. You hurried over and crawled back under the covers, letting him wrap his arms and the duvet around you once more, and finally letting you both drift off to sleep, getting some much deserved rest.

#writing prompt blurb #sam kiszka x reader #sam gvf #sam kiszka #greta van fleet imagine #greta van fleet #screechesincoherently

[krabs-quill]

hello my love! i would like to send an ask, if you do not mind :]

mcyt’s reacting to you being new on the server? how they would react and how they’d treat cha? :]

have a beautiful day, hope you see this!!

- deacy! <3

new guy ~ dsmp x gn!reader

characters: c!tommy, c!wilbur, c!quackity, c!slimecicle

main characters pronouns: not mentioned

trigger warnings: brief mention of death, mention of bones

authors notes:

OMG DEACY THIS WAS SO DAMN COOL TO WRITE ALSO HIIIII!!! its been a while since ive had to brush up on my characterization skills, but it was super nice to practice, so thank you!! i hope you like it!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tommy:

He's not gonna care about you all that much.

When you join, Tommy is either gonna be indifferent about you or think you're a weirdo until you say something he likes

You guys probably walk past each other and he realizes he doesnt recognize you

It's honestly really hit or miss with Tommy!

He's like a visual novel character

If you say specific things he likes, then he’ll like you and say something along the lines of “yeah, me too.” (albeit in a more generic way)

If you say something he doesn't like, then he will make that one scrunched up face of disgust at you and straight up TELL you that you're weird

And while that's all surface-level impressions, depending on what you say you CAN have a much more meaningful impact on Tommy!

You've gotta show him that you're on his side of things- be someone who makes him feel safe!

Christ knows people aren't giving him that a bunch lately.

Wilbur:

This dudes gonna act all silly goofy

Like yasss omg!!! There's someone new on the server?? Time to see if they wanna be my buddy!

Gonna be asking you a lotta questions like who you've met already, where you've visited, what you know n jazz

Gonna be walking around a lot, and if you dont catch up to him then that's your problem! He can't seem to stay in one place for a long time

Actually, he was lying. He's gonna hook his arm around your shoulder and talk to you like that if you can't keep up with him.

He doesnt wanna lose his new pal!!

Speaking of lying, though,

He's gonna be lying. A lot.

Probably gonna say that he and Quackity are besties, or that he doesn't know how explosives work.

But sometimes, he's gonna be straight up honest with you.

If the subject is brought up, then he’ll just casually mention the way he died

Or how limbo was

And then move on like nothing he just said was concerning.

All in all, hes eager as hell to make a friend

So might as well try to be a pal, right?

Quackity:

Gonna have motives RIGHT when he sees your new face

A bit skeptical of you, to be frank.

With the way he speaks to you, you'll be able to notice that he’s tryna test you if you're observant enough

His tone is gonna be slow and casual, kinda muse-typa vibes y'know?

Not completely friendly but not completely businessy and stern

He's gonna be testing the waters to see if you'd be some sort of benefit to Las Nevadas

And if not, maybe one less of a potential obstacle to deal with in the future.

The conversation won't be super intense at first, Quackity will make sure to keep it in the smalltalk stage for a bit

But once he starts hitting you with questions, then that's when the conversation gets more interesting.

Quackity will gladly bring up something minor about himself if he was the person to ask the question that engaged the subject.

But man, does this guy have BOUNDARIES!

Refuses to answer any question you ask about him if it's too personal.

Brushes it off with a “were not quite uh, close enough for you to be asking such personal questions, alright? Tone it down.”

Doesn't seem to recognize the hypocrisy in that, but oh well.

Courtesy, though? 100%

He’ll give you some gear or food if you need it, respectful to an extent.

Might even show you around Las Nevadas! A tour, of sorts!

He wants to get on your good side, but not without careful observing and testing to see if you're even WORTH your good side, of course

Charlie:

OH MY GOSH HE WANTS TO HAVE A NEW BESTIE!!!

And since you're new and you seem like not a terrible person, why not try to talk to you?

SUUPER friendly! You offer him a handshake but he doesn't know what you're trying to do

Once you explain that it's a salutation, he shakes your hand vigorously like a little kid shaking the hand of their idol.

Super buddy-buddy, and he already knows your name and some place you've settled down in for a while.

Talks to you a lot, he doesn't really understand social cues super well so he talks and talks and talks even if you're tired of him.

Eager to drag you around and show you Las Nevadas since that's where his favorite person, Quackity, is!

Will tell you about all 206 of his bones in his body and if you bring up parts of his rib cage poking out of his slimy exterior, he WILL be getting defensive

But despite his bones not being his, he's got a big heart!!!

Which also does not belong to him!!!

But my gosh will he think you're super cool and interesting despite only just meeting you.

At times, you'll be teaching Charlie little things like what rain is, or what a cow is.

And he will be very invested!

Definitely will be rambling to Quackity about the stuff you told him about.

And in return, he will be telling you about a nice damp hole he recently found.

Charlies only here to make friends, and boy is that what he's gonna do.

#krabs kreates #dsmp x reader #mcyt x reader #tommyinnit x reader #wilbur x reader #quackity x reader #slimecicle x reader #mcyt x platonic reader #dsmp x platonic reader #dsmp x y/n #dsmp x you #mcyt x you #mcyt x y/n

[beyondspaceandstars]

hi dear!! do you think that you could do a loki laufeyson smut oneshot with the prompt “Doing so good for me, honey.” it’s okay if not!! thank you for considering!

Slow and Sweet

Relationship: Loki x Reader

Warnings: SMUT, NSFW, penetrative sex, dirty talk - 18+, minors DNI

Word Count: 2k

A/N: This uses some of my favorite cheesy tropes so I hope that’s okay! thank you so much for requesting, I hope this was alright!

Masterlist

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

Loki was unlike any other lover you had had before. A literal god, he exuded a dominance both inside and outside the bedroom that you were very much addicted to. He knew how to take care of you in every way shape and form, having you weak and babbling as he pulled pleasure out of you for hours in bed using ropes, toys, degradation… Anything to get you off in the rawest way possible.

And you very, very much enjoyed it all, obviously. Loki’s style of loving was so fresh and inviting. You had never been with a man that could be so commanding. Heck — you never thought you’d be attracted to any kind of commanding from any man. But while he brought out a secret primal side in you, at heart, you were still a sucker for softer, more loving nighttime activities.

You just… You just didn’t know how to bring it up with him. For as much of a confident man he could be, you knew some insecurities lied beneath that armor. He was always very insistent at the end of your nights that you let him know if you enjoyed yourself. You certainly never lied but you also really, really craved something slow.

Still unsure, you called a friend one night to vent and hope she had some ideas. Really, though, she didn’t understand your dilemma.

"Girl, you’re getting railed by an Asgardian God. I don’t understand the problem."

You sighed into the phone, gripping it between your shoulder and cheek as you began prepping dinner. "I don’t know. I just want him to be a bit softer, I think. Maybe something closer to love-making."

She chuckled. "Do you think he even has that in him?"

"Of course," you said. "He’s more than sweet out in public. There’s no reason that can’t translate into the bedroom."

"Well, then I think you should just tell him."

"I know, but-,"

Your words were cut off suddenly but the sound of something loudly hitting the dinner table behind you. You jumped, turning abruptly to find Loki standing in the kitchen, staring you down. He must’ve thrown his book on the table to get your attention. You looked between the item and him.

All while you’re engaged in a staring contest with your visibly confused boyfriend, your friend is screaming at you on the other end of the line asking what happened.

"I-I’ll call you back," you said quickly into the receiver before ending the call. The vibe in the room had gone cold. You didn’t know how but you knew Loki knew.

Still, you forced a smile, deciding maybe it was best to act like you weren’t discussing such intimacies with a third party. "Hey, babe," you said before turning back to the food you were preparing.

Loki didn’t respond and you were way too nervous to look over your shoulder. You focused on the slicing of vegetables very, very closely…

A hand landed on your hip. He was behind you now. You could practically feel him breathing down your neck. His hard body was pressed to your back. But nothing about him seemed to scream angry or hurt. He was amazingly calm.

"Who was that on the phone?" Loki asked. He was just about whispering in your ear. You gulped, trying to keep your focus on the cutting board in front of you.

"My- My friend," you responded. Another hand was suddenly on your other hip, pulling you into your boyfriend. You sighed at the contact.

"That’s nice," he hummed. "Must be good to catch up with your friend."

"Yeah-,"

"But tell me, dear, do your conversations together always end up with you complaining about our sex life?"

You shook your head. "Loki, I wasn’t complaining-,"

"You want me to be softer," he gritted.

You sighed, placing your kitchen knife back on the counter and pushing away the vegetables. Dinner was definitely on hold now. "That doesn’t mean I’m complaining," you explained. "I love what we do so much, you make me feel incredible, but I also want to slow down sometimes. I’ve loved exploring the rougher side of sex with you, I just… I want the other side of it, too. A balance, maybe."

There was a lull for a moment before Loki hesitantly spoke, "I’m afraid I won’t know how to."

You closed your eyes, absolutely dreading hearing the words you had feared. But you pulled through, slowly nodding your head, trying to accept it. "Alright, I understand—"

"But I want to try."

"Y-You do?"

He nodded as one of his hands slowly began creeping its way up and under your blouse. His hands were so rough compared to your soft skin. As Loki’s hand brushed over your bra-covered breasts, warm lips began decorating your neck with kisses. He nipped and sucked still but it was nothing compared to how he used to do it. It didn’t feel like he was trying to devour but instead savor you.

"Is this close to what you had in mind?" Loki asked, his voice dropping lowly. You moaned in response as his hand began traveling south, fingers light and delicate as they skimmed the top of your shorts.

Your eyes slowly drifted shut in anticipation as you murmured, "Feels good…"

Loki tsked. His hand stopped. "You haven’t felt anything yet."

There was a swooshing sound. You opened your eyes and in your confusion took in the sights of your bedroom. Loki was still pressed behind you. You were facing the bed.

"If my darling wants traditional loving then it needs to happen in a traditional spot, correct?"

You wanted to comment that being transported to the bedroom in such a manner wasn’t traditional by any means but before you could speak, Loki was guiding you to the bed, sitting you at the edge of it.

He dropped to his knees in front of you, throwing one of your legs over his shoulder. "Are you…" You began to ask but were cut off by him placing a kiss in your inner thigh.

"Now," he mumbled into your skin, "I prefer to feast rather hungrily but I’m going to try it your way, okay?"

You bit your lip, nodding slowly, completely hypnotized by the sight of Loki kneeling for you. Usually, when he ate you out you were completely lying down in bed. He had never dropped to the floor for you.

"Terrific," he said and with a flick of the wrist, your clothes had vanished.

Again, you wanted to bite back that that certainly wasn’t part of old-fashioned love-making but your protests were silenced by his tongue finding your clit. Gently, he moved in soft, tight circles around your clit before testing your folds. Instinctively, your hands flew to his hair, tangling your fingers in his dark locks as your body arched in pleasure.

Loki let out a low hum at your grip before his tongue slowly maneuvered its way inside you, caressing your folds. You gasped as his tongue worked on you, bringing you closer to an orgasm. He began altering now from your folds to your clit, pulling pleasure in surprising ways. To add to it all, Loki’s hands were running up and down your thighs as he went. You didn’t know what it was about the simple touch but it was driving you crazy.

The longer you stared, the faster the tongue worked, the closer you were getting… Your brain was spinning as you felt your orgasm building.

"I-I’m-," you tried muttering out but Loki seemed to get the memo. Abruptly, he removed all contact. You gasped, a bit surprised, a bit angry. You shot daggers at him.

"Patience, honey," he snickered, "You wanted it slow and sweet, didn’t you?"

"Yes, but…" Your words couldn’t finish, once again, as Loki attached his lips to yours. Slowly, he pushed you back on the bed as your tongues now fought with one another. You were completely encapsulated in tasting remnants of yourself on him and the kind way he was kissing you, you didn’t even realize what was happening until your head hit your pillow.

His lips left yours and began working down to your jaw, your neck, across your breasts… It felt like he was loving every inch of your skin. You felt truly beautiful, admired, at that moment as he practically worshipped you. He placed a quick kiss on your clit and you thought maybe he’d continue his actions down there but then he was back, face level with you.

"Fair warning, darling," Loki whispered, "it’s going to take all the patience I possess to go slow once my cock is buried deep in your soaking core."

His gaze was intense, almost too much, but you just nervously nodded and waited. Loki intertwined one of your hands together while the other one fell to your hip. Typically, at this point he’d just grab your waist and pull you into him, never giving you the chance to breathe or adjust. He’d fuck you a bit wildly, letting bruises from his fingertips litter your skin.

Tonight, though, everything was with a lighter touch. And when he entered you, he stopped halfway, letting you both really feel the moment. You moaned at the fullness as Loki groaned in your ear. When settled, he eased in fully and you were just about done for.

You could see Loki resisting the urge to just take you relentlessly but then he placed a gentle kiss on your lips and pulled out a little, slowly, before diving back in. Your back arched as you felt every inch of him, really felt him. It was so snug but just right. You felt your wetness pooling shamelessly.

"That’s it," Loki groaned as his pace continued at a slightly antagonizing slow rhythm. "Doing so good for me, honey."

"Feels amazing…" You sighed, taking in every time Loki’s cock would nudge the right spot or stretch you just a little bit more. It felt… It felt like a first time. Like you two had been saving this moment.

Loki’s pace picked up just slightly and you knew he was getting close. That was maybe one thing he could never resist — chasing his orgasm with you at all cost. You snaked your free hand down to your clit, working for that extra pleasure but Loki’s hand on your hip quickly pushed it away.

"I’ve got you, darling," he whispered and replaced your fingers with his. He rubbed tight, cautious circles on your clit. You squealed as your orgasm began approaching quicker and quicker.

"Please," you begged, "I need to cum." Loki could never resist your begging and it seemed to drop the facade a bit. The circles and pumping picked up even faster. It hit you at that moment that while you loved the slow foreplay, getting fucked in such unconventional ways was really delightful.

Loki must’ve felt your walls tightening because he mumbled, a bit weakly, "Cum for me, dear. Come on, cum for me."

A few more flicks on your clit and you were there. Your back arched off the bed again as your body shook. Your orgasm filled you just as Loki was now filling you. The warmth of both actions consumed your body, bringing pleasure beyond belief. You twisted and turned on the bed as you two slowly came down from the highs.

Loki gently wrapped his arms around you, still huffing and puffing from his own pleasure. He was still inside you as he laid on the bed. You could feel his release leaking out of you and onto your thighs. You sighed, very content.

"Was… Was that okay?" Loki eventually hesitantly asked. You were watching the ceiling, still trying to get your breathing under control, as he stared at you. He disconnected your hands and began carefully running his fingers through your hair, lovingly.

You nodded. "That was lovely," you smiled. "Thank you."

"I just want to make sure that every time you leave this bed, you’re satisfied."

"I-I didn’t mean to make you think I’m not satisfied," you mumbled. "I’m always pleased when you’re pleasing me."

Loki grinned at the silly phrase. "Good," he said then began moving a sneaky hand down your body. It stopped where you two were still connected. You let out a sharp breath at his touch. "Would a round two be satisfying? You’ve had your love-making. Now I want to fuck you."

You could barely nod your head in response before Loki was pouncing on you.

#1k celebration #request #loki fic #loki imagine #mcu loki #loki oneshot #loki laufeyson x reader #loki laufeyson x you #loki laufeyson #loki #loki x reader #loki series #loki laufeyson blurb #loki laufeyson fluff #loki laufeyson one shot #loki laufeyson imagine #loki laufeyson drabble #loki smut #loki x you #loki x original female character #loki laufeyson smut #smut #loki fluff #loki drabble #marvel fanfiction #marvel one shot #marvel #mcu fic #mcu #avengers