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denileisariver · 2 months

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pairing: batman aka bruce wayne x f!reader

summary: you move into wayne manor, but not everything is as it seems. pt.2

warnings: smut, some non-con/dub-con but not really, doggystyle!, creampies ♡, mentioned babytrapper!bruce but nothing happens (or does it 🫣?), some anal play but also not really, unprotected sex, descriptions of male and female genitalia, bruce is not the best father unfortunately, age gaps, uses of the word(s) 'baby' and 'daddy' like once or twice, non-consensual recording?, reader is described as dating girls in the past.

a/n: i guess this is a small continuation. i'll still be tagging as yandere due to some slightly darker undertones kinda. i'm not sure how i feel about this one but oh well :).

bruce never believed that he was a good man.

he could care less for all the praise he received throughout the years. fundraisers and charities, his image as a loving adoptive dad who took in struggling and orphaned children, or as batman. deep down, he knew he was selfish.

everything he did, he took too far. whether it was to fulfill a pipedream he realistically knew would never come true at the expense of others. or even with love, using the people he cared for the most just so he could gain something out of it. he considered himself lucky that all the little vigilantes he collected over the years stayed. and he was even happier you decided to stay as well.

bruce knew fear like the back of his hand. he could easily recognize it in your eyes whenever your eyes met his. whether it was subconscious or not, something in you knew that you should be cautious around him, and for good reason.

he couldn't quite pinpoint when his infatuation with you started. the only thing he knew was that it had crept up on him slowly, and it had been far too late until he realized its claws were sunk deep and he wanted you wrapped around his finger.

his mind would drift off sometimes, wondering if it's because of how closely he's been able to keep tabs on you over the past couple of years. you were strong and independent, more than able to take care of yourself, and others if given the opportunity. he admired that you were bold and selfless, driven. and he wanted to control that.

he stood by on the sidelines for far too long, watching you be strung along like an afterthought. he hated seeing your pathetic dates that always turned out horribly, pitiful men who only wanted one thing from you and girls that led you on because they were 'experimenting'. he hated the sad puppy look in your eyes whenever you hung around dick, before he invited you into his family, even if it was unintentional.

whether you believed it or not, bruce truly wanted what he thought was best for you. and if that meant keeping you under his surveillance, where you were at arms length 24/7, then so be it.

bruce wanted to train you how to be obedient for him. you were already establishing your own place in his household, practically marking your territory there, and he enjoyed every bit of it. for the most part, at least. there were still some challenges he needed to overcome, but you'd always been a good girl for him. that much he knew.

you tried to be grateful for him as much as possible.

even after his creepy behavior and even weirder training, you wanted to trust him. it felt wrong not to. everyone had been kind and did more for you than anyone else in your life had, and bruce set the foundation for all of it. you'd finally got a taste of being part of his family like you always wanted, and you weren't willing to let it go just because of eccentric assumptions and silly feelings.

you did find all of it a bit extreme, though. the excessive amount of gifts, the kids were attentive as ever, and alfred practically babied you. but it was normal. completely normal. at least that's what you chalked it up to, living under the roof of a well renowned billionaire, and you weren't about to complain about it either.

being around all the other wards put you at ease. regardless if you truly saw them as found family or not, you considered them your best friends. whether it was helping alfred around the manor as much as possible, burning pastries in the kitchen with the girls, playing video games with jason (which grew to be one of your favorite pastimes), you found yourself letting your guard down. like you could finally breathe and be safe in your own home, which was basically never while you were still surviving on your own back in gotham.

speaking of jason, you think maybe you are beginning to like the boy. sure, he had always been attractive, but you never actually got to interact with him longer than a short conversation here and there before dick decided to butt in. he had always been protective of you like that. you figured whatever you felt for jason might've been weird at first, but considering tim and stephanie dated for a little while, and they were still here, that it was okay.

you tried to subtly spend more time around jason. sitting close by during dinner or while catching a flick, offering to be by his side during patrol. maybe you were a bit more obvious than you would've liked, but jason took it well, much to bruce's disdain. the boy started to talk to you more often, more lively around you than ever, staring at you from across the room, making physical contact. and you greedily accepted it.

and of course dick would be the first to pester at you about it. he'd snuck up from behind, startling you when you were too engrossed in a romance book that you'd discovered while exploring the ginormous library.

"so you and jason are a thing now?"

the sound of his sudden voice makes your body jolt, damn near dropping the precious book you were reading that probably cost more than your entire life. the only people in this world that could make you flustered the way you are now are all living underneath the same goddamn roof, and you've successfully trapped yourself in it, willingly.

"what're you talking about?" the blank look on dick's face makes you cringe. in all your years of friendship, the two of you never really fought. the thought that he'd be mad about you being with jason was almost enough to make your heart sink. but the truth was, you weren't really actually with him anyway. things were just.. different.

all of his rigorous training with bruce had apparently worked off, because almost right on cue, dick notices how anxious you are right now. he shifts his body language to a more lighthearted demeanor, no longer as stiff. his voice is soft. "listen, i don't care, kind of, but.. just be careful." the way he says it almost makes you feel better, like he cares, and of course he does, but—

"what's that supposed to mean?"

your defensiveness is no surprise to dick. the look on his face let's you know he expects it, and you almost hate yourself for being so predictable.

"i don't want you to get hurt, that's all i'm saying." he tries to reassure, but it does nothing but the opposite. hurt you? you never expected much to come out of your tiny fondness for jason, and even if it did, you knew better than to think it'd be something that'll last forever. "I won't get hurt."

you say it like it's a sure thing. there's this unreadable look in dick's eyes. something that you don't think you've ever seen before, and it almost scares you. like he knows something you don't, but you can't tell what the hell it is. he curtly nods, forcing back that charming smile to his face, but you're no idiot, especially when it comes to him.

"i don't doubt it." and with that, he's gone.

☆☆☆☆☆

it's been a couple of days since your little talk with dick. well, more of a warning than anything, so that's what you take it as. you started being more mindful, not just around jason but everyone. more observant and aware of how you interacted with them. and after a while, you deduced that whatever dick was thinking is just part of his overprotective nature, both as a brother and as a friend. that he'd grow accustomed to you and jason just like everyone else was.

that was up until you noticed your possessions were starting to go missing. it started with just panties, then a bra or two, eventually your sweaters or jewelry. at first, you thought you were going crazy, just misplacing and losing things, but it was happening way too often. bruce spoiled you enough so that everything was replaceable, but still. was dick right?

was jason some sort of pervert or stalker?

well, you think all of them had the stalking part down, getting it from bruce, but you aren't completely oblivious to the fact that jason harbored reciprocated feelings for you. but to go as far as stealing your stuff? even dirty panties? there's no way. it couldn't be. if it was true, you were daring enough to confront him about it. you'd just have to wait for the right time to do it, but that proved more than difficult. there seemed to never be a perfect moment.

bruce had been more rough than before during sparring. and honestly, you didn't mind. at first, it scared you. but with the emotional turmoil you were suddenly experiencing, you almost liked it. those damn hands in your hair, a tight headlock cause his bicep was wrapped around your neck, a muscular thigh between your legs. it felt better than you would ever admit, and you found yourself almost looking forward to it. it was just because you needed some stress relief, right?

bruce intimidated you more than anyone you've ever met, but that didn't stop you from checking him out occasionally. the older man was more than attractive, and no one could deny that, not even you, regardless if you thought he was a bit peculiar.

if you hadn't been so enamored in your thoughts, trying to convince yourself that you weren't just another perv, maybe you would've felt bruce's growing hard-on accidentally poke your ass. or that he's held you in this same position for too long, admiring how you looked bent over for him like this and wanting nothing more but to make you take him right then and there. but he was upset with you.

you were getting too close to jason. on a fatherly note, he knows he should be happy. jason always had trouble around others, and he was probably just another reason for you to stay. but a larger part of him wanted to spank your ass over his knee, gag your tiny mouth on his cock in front of everyone so they knew who you belonged to.

he has to be more careful. he'd barely gotten ahold of you, and if he pushed too much, he'd run the risk of you trying to escape. but he couldn't bear to just stand by and watch while you and jason tried to pursue a relationship. no.. that couldn't happen. jason would have a knife at his throat if he caught bruce just now, that he'd hate him even more if he found out that the girl he was crushing on was being lusted on by his father figure.

but bruce could live with that.

that's why he doesn't say anything when he gently bounces the leg that's slotted between your thighs, your clit grazing against him through the thin fabric of your workout shorts. he only gauges your reaction to it, waiting, expecting you to fight back but you don't. the movement was soft enough for you not to notice it at first, but when the rubbing gets repetitive and you finally realize just how long you've been in such a comprising position for him, a flood of both excitement and anxiety goes straight to your core.

it almost feels like a betrayal to jason, even if you owed him nothing. you couldn't even remember the last time you hooked up with somebody, and it was actually good. you'd been stuck with making yourself cum, and that got old very quickly. on one hand, doing this with bruce could potentially ruin your relationship with his other wards if you were caught, and on the other hand, you were horny enough to not be thinking straight. even if bruce was a weird fuck that you didn't trust fully.

you manage to let out strained whimpers, hoping to appeal to bruce so he'd let you go. the arch of your back had become strenuous, but even then, you found yourself yearning for more. if this is what he wanted, you couldn't bring yourself to stop him. your hips move on their own accord, rutting and pressing the plush lips of your cunt along the thick muscle, face contorting slightly in pleasure whenever your sensitive bud received the attention it craved so much.

he allowed you to hump his leg like an animal in heat, his hips jutting out forward and now fully pressing a heavy cock against your ass, the clothed tip resting by the lower half of your back. whether you fully wanted this or not, it didn't really matter to bruce. the arm that was wrapped around your neck moves down, then squeezing a handful of one of your tits, appreciating its weight and how squishy it was in his grasp.

the differences in sizes made your body appear tinier than it really was, and bruce thought that was cute too. his other free hand wrapping around your body so he could feel both of your pillowy breasts in his hands, his groping making you squirm. even if you encouraged this more than you probably should've, you wonder if this is moving way too fast. he's your best friends dad for christ sake. jason's dad. (as much as he liked to deny it). and you were already living in his mansion.

all while these thoughts swirl through your head, bruce is slipping his hands beneath your shirt and moving the cups of your bra out the way, twisting and pinching at your pert nipples. his teeth find your neck, biting, a tongue licking the sensitive skin. you felt helpless to how quick and overwhelming all of it is. it doesn't take long for it to feel like his presence and touch is suffocating you, and bruce is even more greedy than you are.

"can i touch you baby?" the grufness of his voice sends chills down your spine.

you don't know why he even asks. you stupidly nod your head in agreement, even though rough pads of his fingers are already eagerly shoving themselves into your shorts and cupping your tiny pussy through cotton panties. he hums in content, noting the warmth of it and the gentle rhythmic pulses. your heart races, resisting the urge to hump his hand just like you were on his thigh.

much to your disappointment, he slips his hand out of your shorts, whining at the loss of contact. that is up until your bottoms are being pushed down your legs, and suddenly, you're conscious of how anyone could walk in on the two of you. and you still can't bring yourself to protest.

bruce bends you over once more, your face down and ass up for him. his cock aches in its confines, throbbing and begging to be released, but he holds it off. he stares at your exposed cunt, making you feel subconscious for a bit. your lips are soft and glistening, tiny clit shyly hiding beneath the hood. his thumbs spread your cheeks a bit, your slick holes on display for him.

your arousal drips down, dripping a bit onto the sparring mat in the process. your openings wink at him a bit with small flutters, and bruce leans down slightly, using his own spit to lube up your asshole and rim it with his thumb, even if he wasn't going to use it yet.

your body jolts, yelping a bit in surprise. no one had ever touched you there, and you certainly weren't expecting it just now. your hands move to try and cover yourself. "wait— i've never—"

bruce interrupts you with low shushes, kneading the soft flesh of your asscheek in his hand. he decides to feel your clit instead, his thumb working its way down your slit and easily finding the tiny nub. the constant and steady movement ties a knot in your tummy, instinctively pushing your cunt against his hand, soft moans emitting from you. fuck, he was good at this.

you were no stranger to playboy bruce wayne. ever since you've met him, he always had a litter of lovers that followed him around like lost pets, people that he'd never commit to always at his beck and call. you think you might understand why, now. he was a provider, strong, handsome. and even though you hadn't felt his cock inside you yet, you feared you might not ever want another one again after this.

your pussy fluttered desperately, needing something inside you, an impending orgasm building up but frustration was still there. one of his long, thick fingers offers you grace, gently pushing into your cunt. it was almost comical how easily he got you to gush and make a mess of his hand, the digit rubbing and pushing at that sensitive and spongey spot deep inside of you.

"fuck!— bruce—" you cried out, back arching even further, hair sticking against your forehead due to your sweaty state. you pant quickly, trying to regain composure, but your heart only beats more wildly, like a tiny prey animal, the sound of bruce's clothes being removed filling your ears.

you twist your body and head a bit so you could look at him, the sight making your mouth fall open slightly, practically drooling while you oggled him. regardless of his age, the man before you was built like a damn sculpture. hand-crafted to perfection. he was still toned in all the right places after all these years, even if his body had grown softer during his time as a father. coarse hair that led down to a fat cock that was standing up at full attention.

you whimper a bit, unsure if you were really prepared for this. you assume that whatever this is will have an unspoken agreement to be kept secret, at least you hope so. bruce was sometimes unpredictable, but if dick or even jason found out, you'd imagine you and bruce would be killed.

"don't worry baby," bruce grunts softly, as if he knows exactly what you're thinking. the head of his cock teases your entrance, before moving his hips in a mimick motion of thrusting into you, fucking himself in between your thighs and cunt. the tip of his cock smears pre-cum along your stomach, a thick vein protruding from the shaft, and you worry your guts are about to be rearranged, not knowing if you'll be able to walk without a limp tomorrow.

you haven't been able to catch a good look at his cock yet, but you're sure he's gonna have the biggest dick you've ever had. it's proven to you quickly, the air being knocked out of your lungs when he fully sheaths himself inside, bottoming out without warning.

bruce grins above you, his hand resting on your lower back, just above your butt so he could watch the delicious jiggle of your ass bouncing on his cock. he keeps a slow pace at first. judging by your reaction, he knows the stretch hurts you a bit. your baby pussy was so taut around the meaty length, lips struggling to open up for him, even after playing with it.

soft ah ah ahs spill from you, body quivering ever so slightly. it would've been unnoticeable to anyone who wasn't watching you as closely as bruce was. you wanted to take it. you wanted to be good for him. you didn't want to disappoint him. you needed to take his cock like a big girl, even if you didn't fully understand why you wished to please him so much. maybe it's just cause you were sick of feeling like a child in front of him. like you had something to prove even if it wasn't needed. he'd adore you either way, but you didn't know it yet.

bruce was surprised you even succumbed to him as easily as you did, an adorable determination in your eyes, he presumes for a number of reasons. you were deprived just as much as him, which sometimes led to some questionable decisions. which meant he also knew you'd regret this later. but those were problems for another time.

one of his hands finds your wrists, keeping your arms pinned behind your back. bruce imagines the dainty fingers struggling to wrap around his thick girth, how pretty you would look with a cock fucking down your throat. he had fantasized about this happening for too long.

he fucks you with consistent movements, cherishing this moment in case he wouldn't be able to get it back. you were a kind girl. he knew all about the conflicted feelings that were settled deep in your heart because he felt them too. the teary look in your eyes, not knowing if you wanted him to stop or fuck you even harder, but he'd do the latter. with or without your permission.

bruce snaps his hips with more ferocity, keeping his focus on the recoil of your ass, his cock getting getting increasingly wet with creamy white slick, a ring of cum forming at the base of his length. you shudder a bit, his heavy balls slapping against your clit, and you shift your hips to fuck him back, needily chasing your own orgasm.

"that's it— use that little pussy on daddy," bruce hisses through his teeth, his nails digging into your supple flesh, all the filthy sounds that you and that sweet pussy made had his cock pulsing.

you could barely register a word he said, completely forgetting about anything other than the persistent pounding your weeping cunt was receiving. tears prickle your eyes, spit spilling out of your mouth. you looked a damn mess, barely coherent other than the small chanting of 'daddy' just like a prayer, mindlessly accepting the title.

this was something that bruce could get used to. everything about you was just so damn perfect. he shamelessly hoped that you were ovulating, wishing to fill your womb with his seed and make your belly full and round with his child, then you'd have no reason to leave. even if you tried, he wouldn't allow it.

your toes flex and curl, legs trembling from a wave of ecstasy. your poor cunt spasms uncontrollably around his cock, a strangled but sweet moan forced out of you while you rode out your climax. bruce stuffed you full, plugging himself deep inside of you. he stayed there for a moment before fucking you with slower but unmerciful strokes, skin slapping against you with a force that made your breasts bounce harshly.

your pussy squelches, juices leaking all over him. you struggle to crawl away from him cause of the overstimulation, aching and already sore due to the ceaseless strech. but he only pulls you back, growling at your disobedience, swatting your ass with a calloused hand. bruce cums with a raspy groan, a bruising grip on your hips, the sticky substance painting your velvety walls.

the mat below you is drenched in a mixture of yours and bruce's fluids, sure to leave a stain unless poor alfred was stuck cleaning your mess, and you had a feeling bruce wouldn't do it. you'd be willing to clean it yourself to save the embarrassment, but your weak limbs had other plans.

you think he's finished with you until you're hoisted up, forcibly turned around so bruce could see the rest of your naked body. he wastes no time to latch his mouth onto one of your nipples, swirling his tongue around the stiff peak. he wasn't going to allow you to leave here without leaving his mark on you, claiming you by filling up and covering your chest with his lovebites.

he could care less if anyone had seen how effortlessly he managed to corrupt you. all it took was to turn you into his perfect little cocksleeve. it'd be damn near impossible to avoid him after this. even if he wasn't around, the memory would be forever ingrained into your mind, and you wouldn't be able to look at dick or jason or any of the other wards without the reminder that you fucked their father.

you gently try to push at bruce's broad shoulders, the effort not doing much other than making him bite down on your tit, then moving along to the other. you guess the post-nut clarity had hit you, and a tinge of guilt welled up in your chest.

your brows furrow a bit in a feeling of discomfort when bruce glides two fingers through your folds, then gently massaging the swollen button above them. but your heartbeat picks up again, cunt clearly working with a mind of its own.

strained whimpers spill like honey from your lips, now finally shaking your head and attempting to push yourself away in defense when it's what you should've been doing since the beginning. bruce let's you break away from him though, his lips pulling off of you with a pop.

stern eyes meet your lustful but ashamed gaze, a state of displeasure evident on bruce's face. it's something that worries you, unsure of what that might entail. you don't want to make him angry, and you also don't think you're ready to leave the manor just yet, but you also don't know if you can act indifferent around bruce and the others.

maybe if he wasn't around as often, things would be easier, and you'd be able to pretend like this wasn't a mistake. your throat bobs, swallowing your anxiousness, wanting to reevaluate yourself, preferably alone.

you kneel there and wait, half expecting bruce to just fix himself up and leave without much regard for you, because you assumed that's the type of man he would be after fucking someone, but he doesn't. instead, he let's out a small disgruntled noise, collecting your panties and shorts that he had pulled off of you earlier.

his cum is still seeping out of you, a thick load slow to ooze out of you when bruce had emptied his balls inside your abused pussy. he doesn't ask if you want help or if you wanted to be cleaned up, simply raising the fabric up your legs and thighs till the most precious parts of you were covered again. the cotton becomes damp, your wet core coating them with the evidence of yours and bruce's sex.

he shortly cups the tiny cunt in his large hand, gently swiping his thumb over your mound. a small sigh leaves his lips, almost as if he was sad to be leaving the warmth and tightness of it so soon. you're not sure if you're comfortable with how easily he assumed he should have access to your body, but you guess it's also partly your fault, so you allow it for now.

his lips find yours, surprisingly gentle and loving, a stark contrast to how hard he was pistoning his dick inside your belly. but it's pleasant, so you welcome that also. bruce's tongue is smooth and soft, gliding along yours for a moment before he breaks away, a hazy look in his eyes. something you don't think you've ever seen there before, and you swear he's so dreamy to look at.

it's when you remember he's still undressed, eyes shifting below between your bodies and honing in on the massive cock that bruce endowed. even if it was gradually getting softer, he was still semi-hard, his blood pumping to that area just in case he needed to go another round. he'd be more than willing to stuff that tiny hole for you again, and he wished you'd ask him to, but you don't.

but maybe you will someday.

he let's you stare at his cock unabashedly, his breathing heavy and shaky. he slowly moved his hand, gently jerking the long length since you were gawking at him. you let out a cute squeak, suddenly remembering you were about to leave.

bruce doesn't seem to care that it's getting late, or that the rest of the family would be heading down to the cave sooner or later, his focus purely on what was in front of him. but he can see the look of worry written all over you, and it deters him. he stands up to his full height, your eyes widening slightly, his cock dangled in front of you shamelessly, and a small smirk forms on his face.

he has to refrain from grabbing your hair and prodding his dick between those pretty lips of yours. he moves to tug his joggers back on, his cock slapping a bit against his thigh from the movement. you never break eye contact, and neither does he, your thoughts plagued by bewilderment and amorosity.

you stumble over yourself while picking yourself up off the ground, barely reaching bruce's shoulders. you have to tilt your head up just to look at him without straining your eyes, uncertain of what to say or how your relationship with him will be like after this. it's distressing for you, but you're even more concerned with how you're gonna be able to look dick or jason in the eyes again afterwards.

you push away your apprehensiveness, chewing on your bottom lip so you can find the right words. "this— this never happened," you stutter out, your voice coming out more frail than you intended.

bruces lips curl a bit in dismay, his jaw clenching. out of everything he wanted to hear you say, that was certainly not at the top of his list. his hands ball into a fist, his nerves tensing up. he would never think about hurting you. not physically, at least. but you didn't know that. bruce scoffs lightly, almost amused that you actually thought he'd let you off that easily.

you scramble a bit, trying to get your point out before he can get a word in. "if anyone found out–"

"who i fuck is my business only," he cuts you off, already knowing what you'll say next. it's something he's thought over plenty times already. dick had been suprisingly compliant with bruce thus far, so he wasn't an issue according to bruce, and it was easy to get to him anyway. but he didn't foresee his other sons feelings coming into play, or yours. "and you're not an innocent little girl either, so don't act like one."

shit. you were practically digging yourself into a deeper and deeper hole since you moved here. you stare up at him with pleading eyes, and he can't help but soften up a bit. if you were more smart, none of this would've ever happened. how the hell are you gonna be pining after jason now? and bruce.. he seemed less than pleased at the moment. and your gut told you that he wouldn't be letting this go anytime soon.

but he was at heart, a family man. everything he did was out of love, and a desire to protect others so they didn't have to experience the pain he felt when he lost the people most important to him. at least that's what you liked to believe. after jason's passing, they worked so hard to rebuild their relationship, and the trust between them had slowly begun to resemble what it used to be, even if there were some slight changes.

there was no way in your mind that bruce would destroy all of that just for you. you were just some girl, who occasionally hung around his son, but that didn't mean you held as much value in his life than his adopted children. he wouldn't go as far as breaking down his own home, again, just for you, would he?

"if this ever happened," you gesture between the two of you, shaking your head, already gathering how he must've felt about this based off his demeanor. you were no master detective like he was, but being able to easily read body language, sensing people's energies, and intuition, you were good at. "it would ruin everything."

"we're not going to argue about this." he rebutted, taking on a more stern tone, his voice raising above yours. like he was already making the decision for the both of you, and you weren't having that. you want to say more till the sound of footsteps catch your attention, a familiar voice resonating from the stairwell.

"master bruce, is everything alright?" you silently thank whatever higher power that it's alfred instead of someone else. alfred has had his fair share of catching bruce in.. less than favorable circumstances. but the look of surprise on his face isn't something you can miss, even if it's only there for a split second. you'd been caught.

alfred's eyes wander down to the floor below you that's still wet with juices, registering what it was quickly. his eyes meet yours for a moment, smiling at you weakly, then taking a step back from you and bruce. "sorry for the interruption, sir." the older man says formally, turning on his heel to leave, but you do the same before he can.

"actually, i was just leaving." you glance at bruce whose eyes haven't left yours since even before alfred entered the cave. and then you were back to feeling small and helpless around him, back to square one. you sigh and roll your eyes at his poker-face, trying to rush out the cave to escape the awkward interaction.

alfred's eyes follow you with worry, only turning to bruce with a vexed expression once you're gone, shaking his head in disappointment. bruce stared at him blankly, already knowing he was about to get a scolding. "i'm a grown man—"

"precisely." alfred cuts him off, sass in his voice. "she's over a decade younger than you, your sons friend. you have no right to take advantage of her." he argued, pointing a finger in bruce's face.

"she can make her own decisions." bruce seethes, unwilling to hear him out. he hates himself for knowing deep down the butler was right, but he didn't force you to do anything. not really. he knew this wouldn't be without repercussions, but alfred wouldn't say anything either to avoid suspicion.

everything would blow up in bruce's face, and maybe he'd take some accountability for once in his life, but alfred highly doubted that would happen anytime soon.

bruce faced away from him, dragging his tongue over his bottom lip. he hated how easily you turned this around on him, turning into a little cock-drunk slut while having sex and then turning around to be angry at him, but it was something he'd seen coming. bruce huffs out a heavy breath, ignoring alfred's smoldering expression. "just get out, i'll clean this up."

"and what of the girl?" alfred asks, side-eyeing the man he raised. he cared more for your safety and how you felt rather than getting on bruce's nerves. "that isn't your concern. i'll take care of it."

alfred was less than enthusiastic about what that could possibly mean, or what any of this would result in. his heart ached for you and jason, even occasionally eavesdropping on the time you spent together, and the friendship had blossomed. maybe it could have turned into something more, but he isn't so sure now.

he turns back into his more reserved and neutral state, giving bruce one last judgmental stare before leaving him to tend to him thoughts. there was no point in trying to reason with him, so he wouldn't waste the energy. he'd only watch you like a hawk now. and bruce included.

with alfred away now, bruce makes quick work of his computer. he searches for the camera he placed in your room upon your arrival to the manor. there's a weird feeling in his chest that he can't quite explain, unsure of what it even was, seeing you curled up in bed, staring off into space. this was one of the rare times he wished he was meta, just so he could read your mind, pick your brain, even if just for a little bit.

you didn't seem sad or angry. just more confused by what he could tell. your eyes shifting like you were thinking up all the possibilities and outcomes of this, and he hated to see it wrack your head. he wished he could say something, or hold you, anything that would give you comfort, but it'd probably just have the opposite of his desired effect.

he had hoped to dwell on the fact that he finally got to penetrate that pretty little cunt of yours more without having to stress over issues that were nonexistent for now, but that wouldn't be the case. there was always something there to bite him in the ass and humble him if need be.

now he could only dream that whatever emotions you possessed for jason would alleviate. that he was an option you didn't know you had up until today. he hoped that he could make you his. and he would. just one day at a time.

he makes sure to save the footage that the security cameras all over the cave had captured, for later usage. he didn't think he'd get an experience like that again anytime soon, that he had just gotten lucky this one time.

but you were almost too eager to fuck him back. bruce wondered if maybe he had more of a chance than he thought, but he didn't know the extent of the loyalty you held for jason or him. or if you would want to avoid the situation completely and decide to leave the mansion. he was never a religious man, but if there was anything for him to pray for, it was you.

he didn't know what was worse. his eyes narrow, analyzing you for a quick moment before shutting off the computer, his head almost beginning to hurt due to the frustration.

just one day at a time.

#batman x reader #bruce wayne x reader #batman #bruce wayne #smut #jason todd #jason todd x reader #red hood #batfam #yandere bruce wayne #yandere batman #yandere batfam

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eddiemunsonsbedroom · 4 months

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Pairing: Joel Miller x reader

Summary: After months of dancing around your feelings with Joel, it comes to a head. And his reason for avoiding you comes as a surprise.

Warnings: MDNI 18+; suggestive content, no actual smut (yet?), potential for part two, which would be afab reader, since that’s all I can really do justice/know first hand, but no descriptive qualities as far as looks. Jackson era, swearing, age gap (32 and 56). Let me know if I missed any.

A/N: Be gentle on me- I haven’t written much and not in SO long. And none for Joel.

Also rapidly realizing that despite taking so many honors English classes in HS and college, I really know fuck all about correct paragraph format and present/past tense, omfg.

Lemme know if you want the smut and I’ll make a part two lmao.

Joel is avoiding you.

You know it. He knows it.

And you know why.

You’ve been dancing around each other for days now. Ever since all of the lingering glances and brushing of arms came to a head and you grabbed his thigh in the shadows of the Tipsy Bison. Encouraged by his low lids and your even lower whiskey glasses.

He stopped breathing, and when he realized himself, he jumped like he’d been burned. Muttering some excuse before darting from the bar.

You weren’t sure whether to laugh or to be embarrassed. But why be embarrassed when you knew how he actually felt? You could see it every time he looked at you with those dark eyes. Did he think he was being sly?

Months of the spindly fingers of your dry humor and wit, selflessness and competency that he so admired, worming its way through the splintering cracks of his walls until, without him even noticing, they shattered completely.

But you were too fucking young. He could’ve been your dad, for fuck’s sake.

You couldn’t have been more than your early thirties, at most. He was afraid to ask. At 56, he had no business looking at you in any form other than just his patrol partner. At most- a friend.

But fuck, it had been so long. Maybe that’s all it was, right? But even with Tess, he’d never felt like this. That was friendship- the sex just a means to an end- a way to escape. With you… he knew it went beyond just physical attraction. If he said it didn’t, he’d just be lying to himself. It was all of you.

It wasn’t his fault that he liked when you shot a clicker in the head without even an afterthought. Or that you could put someone in their place while being respectful at the same time. That you could teach him new things without making him feel like a stupid old man.

It wasn’t his fault that you could catch him off guard and make him laugh like he hasn’t in years. Or that your eyes sparkling in the Tipsy Bison twinkle lights made him stop breathing. And it definitely wasn’t his fault that he had to practically run from you so your wandering hand didn’t feel his thickening hard-on that came out of nowhere, like he was a fucking teenager.

It wasn’t your fault that he felt this way about you. But he had to be the one to stop it. Pretend like it never happened.

Which obviously you wouldn’t stand for. He should’ve known better.

As soon as you saw your name next to someone else’s on the patrol schedule for the following day, you decided that enough was enough. You gave him a few days to sort his shit out. It was time to give him a piece of your fucking mind.

———

Walking to Joel’s house was easy. Unfortunately for him, you were neighbors. Fortunately for him, you left your knives at home. You were fantasizing about stabbing him at this point.

Passing by Ellie’s lit up apartment you were relieved that she wouldn’t have to bear witness to your rapidly growing annoyance. It was beginning to fester into self doubt. Because fuck, what if you imagined how he felt and you basically assaulted him in public? Except you know that’s not the case. Right?

As soon as Joel opens the door you’re pushing past him into the kitchen.

It looks like he hasn’t done a dish in days. Flannels taken off after a long day strewn over the backs of dining chairs. Crumbs on the counter.

“Jesus, Joel, crack a window. What’s going on in here?”

Sighing your name, he rounds the corner after you. “Is there a reason you barged into my house?”

“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe because you’ve been avoiding me,” you huff, leaning against his counter.

“Dunno what you’re talkin’ about,” he averts his eyes, deciding that now is the time to tidy his kitchen.

“Don’t bullshit me, Joel.”

“‘m not,” he sighs, filling the sink with warm water.

“Yeah? Then why is now the time to do the dishes that have been sitting there for three days?”

Fuck. He knows you’re not going to let this go, but he’ll be damned if he doesn’t try to avoid the topic for as long as possible.

“Joel, did I make you uncomfortable?”

His head snaps up, “what?”

That, unfortunately, was the furthest thing from the truth. He wishes it was so he could gently let you down and have you be on your way. Go back to the way things were before, before he knew what he was missing. Before he got addicted to you and you consumed his every waking thought.

“When I… touched you. In the bar,” you falter, suddenly feeling embarrassed. Second guessing everything. Because what if that’s actually what this was?

He decides to get it over with before this becomes any more unbearable.

“Christ. No, I wasn’t uncomfortable. That was the problem,” he grits out.

“I fucking knew it! I fucking. Knew it!”

“Listen-“

“No, you listen. I don’t know what your deal is. I get that we’ve both been through some fucked up shit in the last twenty years, and maybe that’s a huge reason for why you’re so closed off. Denying yourself something that you obviously want-“

He starts to cut you off, saying your name in a stern whisper, but you don’t let him.

“Let me finish.” Surprisingly, he lets you continue, a war waging in his eyes.

“I’m not asking you to marry me, Joel. I’m asking you to just be fucking honest with me. It doesn’t have to be anything serious. It doesn’t have to be anything at all. But I know you feel something for me.”

He’s gripping the counter so hard that his knuckles are turning white. His jaw ticks as he looks down into the sink, watching the little soap bubbles burst until he collects his thoughts enough to speak. You don’t realize that you’re holding your breath until he starts talking.

“I don’t… I don’t know what to do with this. I’m too-“

“Stubborn?” You suggest, despite yourself.

“Old,” he forces out.

Your eyebrows shoot into your hairline, because that is not at all what you were expecting him to say.

“What?”

He lets out a humorless laugh. “I’m 56. I’m way too old for you, sweetheart.”

You clench at the nickname despite wanting to throttle him. “I’m 32. Not 13.”

He groans. “Not helping.”

You lean away from the counter. “I thought you were avoiding this because you were like…” you flail your hands, trying to find the words, “emotionally fucked up, or something.”

He snorts, despite how flustered he feels at admitting his insecurities. “I probably am. But that’s not the point.”

“I’m a grown ass woman. We met as two grown ass adults, Joel. What are you afraid of?”

He clenches his jaw. He can’t meet your eyes.

You press on. “Are you worried about what society thinks? There’s an apocalypse, if you haven’t noticed. I don’t give a shit what Mrs. Johnson down the street thinks. She’s an asshole anyway-“

“Darlin’-“

“No. What’s the point in surviving if you stopped really living twenty years ago? You’re not dead. You deserve to do what makes you feel alive.”

He drags his eyes up to yours, leaning up from the sink. You think he might touch you, but he only faces you. Hesitant.

“Doesn’t bother you that I’m old?” He rasps, eyes low, inching closer. “Hm?”

“I think it’s kind of hot,” you say, smirking.

You shyly smile at each other. Letting it settle.

“We only live once, Joel,” you whisper. “I don’t want to be on my death bed thinking, ‘damn, I really wished I’d fucked that old man’.”

He barks a single surprised laugh at that, throwing his head back.

And you think he’s never looked so beautiful.

#pedro pascal #joel miller #tlou #the last of us #joel tlou #thelastofus #pedrohub #joel miller x reader

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enderwoah · 7 months

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im so unwell about q!pac no its not even funny anymore i need to put him in a terrarium up on a shelf and keep him safe up there. he doesn't deserve any bad thing, ever. i don't even care about "having a good story" or "giving your character a conflict" anymore, nah, no, if ONE (1) MORE BAD THING HAPPENS TO HIM IM GONNA LOSE IT!! IM GONNA START BREAKING THINGS!!!

he's so. sad. hes such a sad character. his insecurities about being useless to everyone are so real and so painful because he's not, all of us know that he's not, but we also completely understand why he feels that way because he's had everyone he loves ripped away from him and he hasn't been able to lift a finger to stop any of it. he's just left to sit in the ruins without any help. he's collateral to all the tragedy surrounding him and the favela 5 in general and he's. tired. not in the way that cellbit is tired (though that works, too). he's exhausted of feeling sad all the time. of crying all the time. of feeling that loneliness that gnaws holes into his bones and settles in the marrow and never leaves, not when richas' bed is empty, not when mike's bedroom has started to collect dust, not when he can't see a real, tangible presence in forever's dilated eyes. the only person he has is cellbit, and he could never ask cellbit to give up what he still has when pac has nothing to lose (and god, how selfless, how kind is that?), so when he figures the only way to get an antidote to the drug is to have the drug itself, why wouldn't he offer himself up? and if that wasn't the only reason he tried to get his hands on it, who could blame him?

maybe he took it first to just feel the effects and understand the angle it took in affecting his mind. maybe he just took it for research. do you think he had slipped by the second time? do you think he took it once and, for a short thirty minutes, found that he could forget about all the sorrow lining his lungs and breathe? do you think reality crashed back onto him after that first try? do you think he was scrambling to take it again, to go back to that...maybe it wasn't blissful ignorance, per se, but willful disregard? do you think he couldn't wait to be submerged so deep that he couldn't think one more time? do you think he was hesitant? do you think he kept promising himself, one more, one more, one more...

god he is so. so sad. i was watching phil's pov, so everything was like a neat little movie for me, and just. cellbit and forever arguing while pac was just sobbing in the background was AWFUL. just. awful. it hurt. (cc!pac was damn good at acting, too, and that DID NOT HELP.) the moment he stepped on the trap i felt like i was hit with a brick. like no, of COURSE we should NOT be putting PAC in a CONFINED JAIL CELL. ALONE. and i know it was for his own good but i still felt so so so sick. the way he immediately curled up in the corner. the way he was crying to himself. the way he instantly answered richas' birthday the moment bad asked for it. the way he got visibly more upset and terrified when cellbit started shouting at forever. what the hell. no seriously what the HELL.

and, like, oh my god, making him the one to solve the antidote? proving that even though he may have fallen to the drug (the drug which was basically created by GODS, by the way, lets be real, the federation is nawt normal), he's still so useful. he's still such an asset. he's smart and he's kind and he's charismatic and he's trusting and he's so so selfless and so so brave and so strong. tubbo put it perfectly. the fact that he's gone through all the horrible awful stuff he's gone through and he's still standing just proves how capable he is. how tough he is. cellbit calling him "my dear." pointing out the fact that he sacrificed himself without knowing he was going to come back. "i'm only afraid of being sad again." "you will be sad again. but you won't be alone." he's so. he's just. he's. im frothing at the mouth. he gave himself up to save the rest of the island from this plague that took one of his best friends and might've taken the entire island if he didn't do anything. under that stress. experiencing that level of loss.

pac is one of the toughest goddamn people on the island and if anyone on that server even dares try to imply otherwise i will do heinous heinous things, mark my WORDS.

#writing a post about q!pac isn't enough i need to inject his character directly into my bloodstream (risus-core)#pactw #pac tazercraft #qsmp #qsmp spoilers #cellbit #qsmp richarlyson #forever #mikethelink #mike tazercraft #god he makes me insane #myyyy baby myy baby #you're my baby say it to me #myyyyy baby mmyyyy baaaaabyyy #tell your baby that iiiim youuur baaaabyyy #iiiiii bet on looosinggg doggsss <- going insane #its him he's the losing dog #drug abuse

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zabiume · 7 months

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i know everyone is sick of hearing me talk about this, but there is something so interesting about this idea that orihime is the one who witnesses ichigo's hollow transformations in all of its stages and that her pov is usually our indicator for whether or not he's too far gone. this is especially interesting when you consider the fact that the heart motif shows up repeatedly in her character arc. what is a hollow, if not a being that has lost its heart? orihime saw this happen to sora, so we can tell why it makes her uncomfortable every time ichigo loses a little bit of his. she is the 'heart' character, after all–the moral antithesis to ulquiorra's emptiness and nihilism. she believes the heart should be the foundation from which one fights, which is why she's anxious when ichigo loses sight of that and acts on his more vengeful impulses. remember, what zangetsu wants to protect is not what ichigo wants to protect, so they are constantly at odds with each other – the selfless, duty-bound human/shinigami side vs the self-protecting hollow/quincy side. it's why ichigo is so ashamed of himself when he wins his fight against ulquiorra. the only reason he even made it back to his human form at all was because he clung to the promise he made to protect orihime (a promise he made as a human with a moral purpose)

by the time horn of salvation comes around, ichigo proudly shows orihime his new form – orihime, who was traumatized by his complete loss of control (his death). orihime, whose reactions had upset him in his fight against grimmjow. he knows how important it is to her that he remembers why he fights, what impulses he's acting on, who is really the king when he wields his weapon. "this time i'm still me," he says, because he remembers how distraught she was when he was forced to throw everything away for absolute power. ichigo had never been sure about himself before, had always feared and resisted this side of himself before, but he's embraced it now and he can't help but tell her – part showing-off and part reassuring her that he will always be the guy she thinks he is (the one who wins fights and protects people and is endlessly undiscriminating about who he shows his kindness to)!!!! i am dead!!!!!

#i am always going to be a multi-shipper don't get me wrong but absolutely nothing hits harder than ichihime babyyyy #me and the 3 other girls and gays on this site who get it get it idc #ichihime #like. this to me is so indicative of their romance. their shared ideals that they both work so hard to live up to #for their own sake as well as the other's sake.#horn of salvation was true marriage to me i didnt even need to read up to 686 bc their arc had come full circle by that point #they will always be MY beloved m/f ship....uwu <3 ichihime's strongest soldier fr

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the-crimson · 8 months

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God I can’t stop thinking about bbh’s fight with code Tilin yesterday… not only was he able to keep toe to toe with Tilin, he did it all of his own merit and intelligence. He made the battle backpack that keeps him armed at all times. He didn’t pop a single totem during the fight. At one point - just before Etoiles came in and got the kill, Tilin was trying to escape bbh. And he did it all with a broken mouse.

It really feels like an analogy of his whole arc right now.

Bad could have been the one that killed the code Tilin, he got its health down to a one shot, but Etoiles was lucky and arrived just in time to have the final blow. No one remembers how Bad tanked that fight and could have beat it on his own - only how his magnets kept picking up peoples weapons and how Etoiles got the finishing blow.

To the rest of the island, Bad is the insane one obsessed with Skeppy. He’s helpful and rich but annoying. He’s always there to the point people take him for granted.

Of course he’ll be able to baby sit ur kids. Foolish doesn’t even ask, he just assumes. Of course he’ll help with a dungeon. Of course he’ll give you resources. Of course of course of course

Etoiles is the only one who recognizes Bad’s martial prowess. Baghera and Foolish are the only ones who recognized Bad’s spiraling mental health. Bad went on vacation in an attempt to tell the islanders that he can’t be counted on right now but they still ask and ask and ask it never stops

There is a reason I resonate so hard with all of bbh’s characters because they are just like me. Bad puts others first at the expense of himself but is taken for granted. When talking about who helped the island the most Forever presented these larger than life projects he completed like the NINHO that completely over shadowed Bad because they are tangible. How do you present on a slide show that Bad is the sole reason no eggs have died from neglect since trump? How do you show that Bad has probably given more resources, armor, and backpack upgrades to the islanders than any other player? Almost all of the eggs are wearing armor Bad made and enchanted specifically for them. But this is expected. No need to show gratitude when that’s just who Bad is. No one stops to think that this selflessness might have a toll on him when no one stops to reciprocate his kindness.

From the very beginning Bad has played a support role for everyone else. Is this all bbh is to the rest of the island? A resource farm and a babysitter? A secondary character to grander, more important stories?

#qsmp #crimson speaks #idk he makes me emotional #hits too close to home #selflessness to the point of self annhilation #my life story

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realbeijinger · 4 months

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Another semi-coherent rant on climate change, the value of idealism, and TGCF (I finally finished!)

Well, I finished Tian Guan Ci Fu. And, oh man, if you read my last post, you’ll know that I was terrified that the entire novel would be a criticism of blind idealism. But I am SO glad I was wrong!!! Looking back on what I wrote before… it’s kind of hilarious how worried I was. I was so sure that I knew where it was going, was so busy preparing myself to be offended/emotionally crushed, that I wouldn’t even entertain the idea that maybe MXTX had a similar worldview to me all along.

In my defense, aside from the line, “Something like saving the common people… although foolish, it is brave,” everything seemed to point toward the idea that trying to do good is pointless. I mean, up until the moment when Xie Lian was lying with a sword in his chest on the streets of Yong’an, all of his efforts to do good had essentially been in vain. He hadn’t been able to help anyone.

And then, when the one guy stopped and gave Xie Lian his hat, I dunno, I just cried. It was so perfect! Like, ugh, damn you, MXTX! So sneaky… destroying us, just to bring us back later!! It was such a small, insignificant win, but it was exactly what Xie Lian (and I) needed. I love the line, “Just one person was enough!” Just one person doing something selfless. It’s enough to give us hope.

It really resonates with me because I think a lot about how to maintain hope. In terms of the climate crisis, I feel like Xie Lian—completely powerless. I want to stop eating meat, use less plastic, spend more time on environmental activism, but honestly, what do any of these things matter? The meat industry is not going to change because I choose to stop consuming. Even my activism has a completely negligible effect—whether or not I join a protest or write a letter to my congressman will almost certainly not be the deciding factor for any climate legislation, no matter how much effort I put in.

And yet, I still want to. I love the moment when Xie Lian chooses to get stabbed over and over rather than create a second plague of Human Face Disease, and White No-Face asks him in shock, “Why??”—as in, why would you ever do that? And Xie Lian responds: “I don’t have a reason—just because I want to! Even if I explained it to you… Useless trash like you wouldn’t understand.” This line is so great. Xie Lian can’t explain it to White No-Face, because, in truth, it isn’t entirely logical. It can’t be explained by reason. I want to do my measly, unimportant part to help the world… because I want to. Because it feels right. Because it’s my way of keeping my heart, of maintaining faith that there is some good in this world worth upholding. (As an aside, I love how the English title of the live action drama—which we may never get to see, God damn censorship!!!!—is called “Eternal Faith.” Of course it refers to Hua Cheng and Xie Lian’s faith in each other, but I think it also means having eternal faith in the value of doing good, despite centuries of experience that seem to show its pointlessness.)

As I talked about in my last post, if you zoom out far enough, nothing really seems to matter. Everything we love and care about will one day be gone. And yet, I believe we still have to act like it matters. This is the basic tenant of existentialism, and I think MXTX portrays this philosophical paradox really beautifully.

It’s funny, because I think MXTX has a lot of profound things to say, but in an interview I read, she warned against viewing her work too deeply, saying, “I am not a guru.” I get that she may not want the responsibility of giving people spiritual advice, but I do think she presents some really fascinating, really novel, philosophical ideas. So, sorry MXTX, but I’m about to analyze TGCF like it’s a piece of freakin scripture. Soo here we go…

The main theme she comes back to again and again is that fortune is limited, so the only way you can do good for others is by taking fortune from somebody else. Which leads the characters to a bunch of ethically impossible choices: the people of Yong’an and the people of Xianle can’t all be saved (Xie Lian must choose who to help), neither can the people of Wuyong and the surrounding kingdoms (Prince of Wuyong must choose), and Shi Wudu can’t save his brother from a tragic fate without taking fortune from an innocent person. When the characters try to avoid choosing, and try to “play God” by creating a “third path,” it just invites disaster.

But is this really true? Is fortune actually limited? It’s an idea that reminds me of Buddhism and Daoism, but also seems kind of revolutionary… (I like to think I know something about Chinese philosophy but it could certainly be a thing and I don’t know). I don’t believe in fate, but I do believe in limited resources, and the idea that nature tends toward balance. I think conceiving of it this way, as a pool of fortune, is really interesting.

It reminds me of this Meme:

In other words, who is the protagonist and who is the villain is entirely based on perspective. And, according to the laws of nature, we all must survive by eating others, or causing others to starve (i.e. avoiding being eaten).

I tried to think if this is really true in all areas of life. I’m a teacher, and one of the ways I convince myself that I am doing good in the world is by helping my students—preparing them well for college so that they can get into good schools and follow their dreams. But then, is this just taking fortune from others? If I do prepare my students well, and as a result they all get into top universities, does that mean they are taking spots away from other students? Am I simply just helping “my own,” at the expense of others?

One place where I see this concept play out very clearly is with our modern, industrialized society. As I mentioned in my last post, we live in a world of abundance. Most of us have enough food to eat, live in houses with electricity and running water, and don’t worry about a whole host of diseases endured by our ancestors. It seems we have done what Xie Lian couldn’t—we have expanded the well of fortune for most of humanity.

But this fortune wasn’t spontaneously created. It was taken from other species. It was borrowed against our own future, when climate change will likely destroy this world of abundance we have created, causing untold suffering. In truth, when it comes to prosperity, there is no such thing as a free lunch.

Even now, when we ought to be enjoying our fortune, most of us are not happy. We want other things. We take food, clothing, and shelter for granted, creating even bigger, more lofty demands—a bigger car, a better house, a machine that’s sole purpose is to make bread. In fact, it seems like whenever we make things “better,” the goalposts just move. I recently read a book called Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals, which mentioned that with the advent of washing machines and vacuum cleaners, everyone assumed there would be more free time. Yet, the real outcome was that standards of cleanliness just changed. Suddenly, people expected you to wear fresh clothes every day and have a perfectly dust-free home, which meant spending just as much time cleaning as in the past.

And according to psychologists, getting what we want doesn’t really make us happier. Instead, something like getting a promotion causes our happiness to spike, before it quickly returns to baseline. The psychologist Dan Gilbert writes that the purpose of our emotions is to act like a compass—to tell us which direction to go in. If you feel good, you can continue the way you are going. If you feel bad, you should probably turn—make a change. But if you get what you want and become permanently happy, your compass is now broken. It’s stuck in one direction and becomes useless.

All of this is very Buddhist, of course. Suffering is not caused by our external circumstances, but our desire to change them.

Like I said, I don’t necessarily believe in “fate” or “fortune.” But I believe this all points to something deeper that MXTX is getting at: which is that we cannot fundamentally make a better world, for the common people, or for anyone. This idea of “better” doesn’t really exist. The world is as it is. Trying to alter that is like playing God. And like Xie Lian says, “In this world, there are no true gods…”

So, what do we do? How can we survive this absurdist tragedy of life? I don’t think we can just throw up our hands and not give a shit—that way lies depression and Jun Wu-style cruelty. We cannot lose our heart. But we also can’t try to fix everything.

One thing I find a bit difficult about MXTX is she is very clear about the impossible situations our characters find themselves in, but not really clear about the solution. She seems critical of the characters’ actions (I’m thinking also of Wei Wuxian here), but what exactly does she think they should have done? In other words, what is the point?

I spent a long time thinking about this. And I realized that Xie Lian was able to get back on his feet, find happiness and make peace with himself. How did he do this? Ultimately, I see Xie Lian’s solution as having three parts: self-sacrifice, gratitude, and purpose. Which all sounds very academic and maybe not that profound on an emotional level. But hear me out. Because, in the end, I think these choices are incredibly beautiful. They are the kind of thing that make me feel like reading TGCF was actually a spiritual experience, no matter what MXTX says. That makes me admire Xie Lian and want to follow him (like the God he is).

Okay so first: self-sacrifice. If fortune is limited, and the only way to make others’ lives better is to take fortune from someplace else, then there is really only one place you can take it from without hurting others—yourself.

So, part of Xie Lian’s solution is to take fortune from himself and give it to others. It’s why he asks for a cursed shackle that disperses his fortune, so that his fortune will naturally flow to those around him. It’s, of course, a very small thing. He is no longer playing God, or trying to “fix” the world on a grand scale. He is simply, in his own, quiet way, serving the common people.

My desire to give up meat and to spend more time on activism—these things feel like big sacrifices for me. And yet, they will have a very small impact on the greater situation in the world. They’re a drop in the ocean. I still want to do it, but it’s hard. It’s hard to care, or think that these things matter. Yet, this is the trade-off Xie Lian was willing to make. I really admire him for it.

I believe self-sacrifice is actually a really important, beautiful thing, that our society has forgotten the value of. We are individualistic—obsessed with our own wants. As I mentioned previously, our expectations have risen, so we buy and buy and buy. We are unwilling to rein in our consumption. I know a lot of people baulk at lifestyle changes as a solution to the climate crisis, and I agree that putting pressure on individuals instead of governments or corporations is misguided. But, first of all, there simply aren’t enough resources on earth to sustain our current levels of consumption. And, second… I don’t think we can completely let individuals off the hook. What is society anyway, but a collection of individuals? If we are going to address this thing, it’s going to take a massive movement—bigger than the civil rights movement or the works’ rights movement or the women’s movement. It’s going to take millions of people worldwide getting out of their own heads, their own lives, and concerning themselves with the greater good. That requires immense sacrifice.

Which takes me to gratitude. In order to be willing to sacrifice, you have to appreciate what you already have.

People often talk about gratitude these days as a path to mental health. Instinctively, it sounds like an uplifting, positive thing. And it is… but it also entails having a relatively negative worldview. It means remembering all the horrible things that exist in this world which we are lucky enough to avoid on a daily basis. You stepped in some dog shit? Well, that sucks, but you could have stepped into an open manhole and broken your neck! So! That’s something to be grateful for.

We are all so lucky. I’m sure everyone reading this has pains and traumas and challenges. This isn’t to diminish those, but, I hope, at least we all have at least one person to love. That’s all Hua Cheng had, and it’s what kept him going. Just one person was enough. And most of us, I hope, get to eat food every day, get to sleep in a bed, get to play video games or read novels or write poetry when we are sad. Not everyone gets those things.

Xie Lian, of course, was the king of low expectations, because he knew his future was going to be bad. He had intentionally accepted bad luck for a lifetime. So, there was no point in hoping for things to get better.

I think this attitude is best shown by his interaction with the Venerable of Empty words. The Venerable of Empty Words feeds off people’s fears. But Xie Lian didn’t really have any. When the Venerable of Empty Words warned him that his hut will collapse in two months, his response is, “Two months? If it’s still standing in seven days, then it’ll be a real miracle.” Because his expectations are so low, he’s essentially immune to fear. I can’t help but think that if you could really think this way, it would be a kind of superpower. It reminds me of the famous quote by spiritual teacher Krishnamurti, “Do you know what my secret is? You see, I don’t mind what happens.”

And so Xie Lian is okay with everything. He can sleep anywhere, crash boulders on his chest for money, not eat for three days, regularly suffer corpse poisoning, and still be okay.

Which leads to my third point: purpose. Xie Lian is able to endure such hardship because his expectations are low, but also he knows all his suffering has a purpose. “If I am to become a God of misfortune, then so be it,” he says. “As long as I know deep down that I am not.” He is okay with being laughed at or avoided for his bad luck, because deep down he knows he is doing the right thing. People can withstand a great deal if they feel their suffering has meaning. In Man’s Search for Meaning, the psychiatrist Victor Frankl’s writes about the horrors of living through a concentration camp, and how over and over, it was creating purpose that allowed him, and others, to find motivation to survive. Which I think has an important lesson for self-sacrifice. People are willing to sacrifice a lot, if they feel their sacrifice has purpose.

I get it when MXTX says that she is not a guru, and maybe it’s a lot to ask of a danmei novel to take spiritual advice from it. The book wasn’t necessarily perfect, and I do have some critiques (which I was gonna add here, but this thing is already wayyy too long). But… I do think I found something really meaningful in this story—some inspiration. I want to follow Xie Lian’s example, and live with gratitude and acceptance, while keeping my faith in doing the right thing. In other words, WWXLD! (What Would Xie Lian Do?)

#tgcf #mxtx #heaven official's blessing #tgcf meta #tian guan ci fu #climate change #xie lian #hualian #danmei #chinese bl

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survivalove · 29 days

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one example of atla fans’ media illiteracy is that they don’t understand the past avatars’ advice was written in a way that’s so vague that aang literally does everything they told him to do.

i see so many takes being like aang just ignored his past lives or even yangchen would’ve blah blah and i’m like. how did you miss the point that badly???

so i’m gonna point out all the ways the writers wrote around what the previous avatars said so that aang actually does what they all advised:

starting with the most obvious point: none of them actually tell him to end ozai.

kyoshi: “only justice will bring peace.”

aang? takes away ozai’s bending so the fool rots in a prison cell for the rest of his life.

the world? at peace.

kuruk: “aang, you must actively shape your own destiny and the destiny of the world.”

aang? makes his own choice against what everyone tells him to do and literally ends a war that was going on for centuries.

the world? destiny changed!

yangchen (because for some reason you all don’t get this one and it’s just never been clearer to me lmao): “selfless duty calls you to sacrifice your own spiritual needs, and do whatever it takes to protect the world.”

so let’s point out some key words:

selfless duty calls you to sacrifice your own spiritual needs, and do whatever it takes to protect the world.

and let’s go back to aang taking ozai’s bending away, but before that, when he says this right before even meeting the lion turtle.

aang: “I guess I don't have a choice, Momo. I have to kill the Fire Lord.” - Selfless duty

see even just like you guys, aang didn’t catch the signs, but that’s okay! cuz shortly after this the lion turtle starts to move and makes itself known to aang, and reward him for sticking to his faith.

now, let’s look at what the lion turtle was actually saying and how this aligns with yangchen’s advice:

lion turtle: “To bend another's energy, your own spirit must be unbendable or you will be corrupted and destroyed.” - is the willingness to Sacrifice his literal Spirit sinking in yet??

if not, here’s what was actually happening while he said that:

[As he speaks, Ozai's energy begins to make its way to Aang's body, consuming the blue and replacing it with red energy. Cut to a view above Aang looking down at his face as the energy reaches his face and continues to cover the beams shining out his mouth and eyes. Cut to a side-view as the red light begins to take control and the blue light diminishes. Cut to close-up of Aang as the red energy has taken over almost completely with just one eye left...]

WHATEVER IT TAKES?? literally? like hello

i feel like because this is a kid’s show and that it was obviously gonna have a happy ending, that people take for granted what aang did and what he was willing to do.

he put his literal spirit on the line to end the war, and this was after he was running trying to spare ozai for an hour.

and then you say you wanted him to end him. and sure yeah, let’s pretend that doesn’t go against the whole show and would’ve ruined his entire arc for a seeeecond, how exactly is that supposed to be more satisfying or end any differently to what we got? aang would’ve still been hit with the rock ex machina. ozai would be dead sure but the climax would be a lot less visually appealing, and everyone in the world would STILL be at peace except for…. oh right. AANG.

#atla #aang #sozin’s comet #yangchen #like please stop using yangchen for your stupid arguments #when you didn’t even bother to understand what she said #or what literally everyone else said??#including the damn lion turtle #longer than i expected #my bad #anti atla fandom

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nakianshuri · 7 months

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Not to wade too deeply in the "Nancy is selfish/always right posts" I've being seeing lately, but I don't think that's the problem with how Nancy is written.

Yes, when it comes to the plot and solving mysteries, Nancy is always right. But Dustin is mostly if not always right, too, and so is Robin. The show has a lot of characters who are right about things. But all of those other characters get to have moments of levity. Moments where the show isn't taking them so seriously. Robin is brilliant and always right, but she rambles, she's awkward, she talks to Steve about things unrelated to the plot. Dustin is brilliant and drives a lot of the plot because he's always right, but he's also awkward, funny, a know-it-all who needs to be humbled sometimes, and gets to engage in conversations and activities unrelated to the plot.

El is another character who I'd say is mostly if not always right and the most traumatized character on the show, but she gets moments to be fun, funny, and has scenes completely unrelated to the plot. S3 gave her an entire montage of trying on clothes at the mall for no reason except to show her gaining a friend and building up her own voice and identity.

We arguably don't see this with Nancy. When it comes to her emotional life outside of her trauma and the plot, she's underwritten. We never see her appear to enjoy herself as much as she did at Steve's pool party, when we're told through Jonathan and Barb that she pretending to be someone else. Right after Barb's death and then in the seasons afterwards when she's with Jonathan, we mostly if not only see one side of her: the driven and determined side, whether that's her on a crusade to get justice for Barb, or to be taken seriously at her summer internship, or when she's working on the school yearbook. There's no downtime, barely if any scenes of her and Jonathan talking about anything other than their shared trauma, the plot, and their career/academic goals. After season 1, we don't see her have a casual conversation with Mike what she's going through or what his life is like.

With the exception of talking about Steve and Jonathan, her conversations with Robin are about the plot. I mean, I have no problem with Robin and Nancy as friends, but why are they friends? Nancy was rude to Robin until she realizes she and Steve aren't dating, but perhaps Robin sees Nancy's unhappy and needs a friend? I'd accept that, but I'd also argue that Robin and Nancy's friendship is a lesser version of El and Max's. Both friendships start off with El and Nancy being rude to Max and Robin, respectively, out of jealousy. But we get to see Max and El become friends before the plot enters the story: El needs Max's help with boy problems, Max gives her advice, they bond, they play around at the mall, have a sleepover, then they get dragged into the plot. Robin and Nancy don't get that in part because of how s4 is structured, but also because we just don't get Nancy outside of her ambitions, shared trauma, and the plot. Nancy's not a character we ever see just hang out.

And lastly, Stancy. I love Stancy oddly enough because of the reason they broke up: it as the last time she got to be a stupid teenager like everyone else on the show. But for me it also works for me because the show has given Steve time apart from the plot to grow. I've seen some people say the show doesn't care enough about Steve, but I don't believe that at all. Sure, we haven't seen his parents, but his whole arc is about how he grows not only because of the plot but because of his relationships with other people: Nancy, Dustin, and Robin primarily. He's given a chance to be selfish, pigheaded, bitchy, dumb, and wrong, and then to apologize, be a good friend, be selfless, and wisely reflect on his behavior in a productive way that doesn't leave him stuck in a cycle of guilt about his past behavior. Nancy needs this same treatment. The majority of the self-reflection Nancy gets to do is about Barb, and its to wrongly blame herself for her death and to be stuck in avenging mode. She has a great conversation with her mom in which she seems to regret how she's disregarded Jonathan, but it's mostly there to reaffirm that she's right not for her to consider if she went about things the right way. We have also never heard her reconsider if she went about her relationship with Steve the right way either. Does she regret how that ended? Does she regret dating him for a year despite appearing to want Jonathan? We don't know.

I think Nancy is a fascinating character, and I never expect any show to be perfect or to replicate how I envision these characters. But I do hope that in its last season we get to see another side to her.

#nancy wheeler #stancy

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opinated-user · 26 days

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Something I've been thinking about a lot is when Lily doxxed poppys email. She supposedly did it because, based entirely off of Courtney's word at the time (which lily is constantly claiming is untrustworthy and nobody should listen to them), Poppy was sharing Courtney's nudes, right?

It just feels like Lily was trying to make a big claim to Courtney. "Nobody is allowed to abuse/blackmail/be sexually involved with this person but me". She couldn't help herself and in doing so completely contradicted everything she's been saying up to that point.

Its so disgusting. Because if Courney was such an untrustworthy source, why the fuck would Lily give ANY claim Courney made the time of day? But suddenly for that single moment she must be telling the truth? Like, why the fuck would that be the only instance of Courtney telling the truth, according to Lily?

If you ask me, we got a little peek into Lily's real self at that moment: A possessive, obsessive monster who can't help herself when trying to lay claim to her sister. She knows Courtney is telling the truth. She's known this whole time, and she gets a sick thrill out of being possessive and "protecting her sister."

it was worse than that, anon.

what actually happened is that Courtney had already cut contact with P because of a violation to it's consent. then an anon (some random anon, we could never fully confirm who they were, although i have a vague idea) came out of the woodworks to tell everyone that P had shown Courtney's nudes during a drunken discord call while going through their DMs. the same copypasted message was send to me and all other blogs at the same time. for the record, Courtney never said they believed that to have happened. mostly because, again, it was just one single anon who said that and nobody else came out to confirm it. there was no screenshot, no recording, nothing. even now, after everything went down and every questionable action of P was being called into question, nobody has ever said this was a thing that happened.

LO just went along with the word of a complete stranger that she had no reason to trust at all, that she had no way to know who they were, with zero evidence, and dropped the work email of a trans woman with the hope that someone would harass her through that angle. a trans woman that, at that point in time, nobody knew how much of a sex pest she truly was. according to what Courtney had said, LO was bragging about having the doxxing information of P on her server for a while now. back when all P was for LO was one of her critics who made videos on her. i really need you to understand how truly unhinged LO was about P and entirely for the wrong reasons.

i never believed that LO doing that ever came from a selfless place and neither did anyone else who knew a little bit about the situation..

#lily orchard

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risetherivermoon · 4 months

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here have a sparrow related rant :D (dndads ep 48 spoilers!!)

btw, my entire perception (or all together understanding) of sparrow oak has shifted after this episode-

i think unconsciously i saw the twins as completely different people, like wildly different from eachother, after season 1 and in season 2

but honestly- after we find out that sparrow is the one who enacted code purple, the conversation with henry and mercedes? i still see them as different characters, but i feel like they are actually way more similar than i initially thought

they're just both two guilt ridden idiots, and at first i was really confused why it seemed like sparrow would always group himself with lark when talking about who "ended the world" or whatever (i thought it was probably him saying it in solidarity or whatever, which i think is still partially the reason) but now he also basically did what lark did

i think thats whats heartbreaking to me, because henry immediately forgives lark after he releases the doodler, but sparrow is immediately told he will never be forgiven, and where lark has the motive of wanting to defeat the doodler and become stronger, sparrow has the motive of just wanting to protect his family-

im not saying this is out of character of henry, i definitely think this is how he'd react since he has the knowledge of exactly what code purple will do, and we also know that sparrow tried to lie to him to enact it as well, but its just- fuck

personally i think because of how lark and henrys relationship is in late s1 (and afterwards) henry probably was unconsciously more attentive to lark afterwards, trying to repair that broken relationship- and so his perspective of sparrow is different, sparrow usually goes along with lark and backs him up but he never actually argues with henry or whatever,

so when sparrow does something that he does himself, it seems so off and random to henry, personally i think if he had to think about it that lark would be the twin that what would be most likely to be the one to do it, a lot of it is sparrow acting on his own principle and we really don't see that often, (blah blah, its lark and sparrow not sparrow and lark, blah blah)

basically i think that it was so unexpected of sparrow that henry immediately freaks out and is more aware of the betrayal than he was back when the doodler was released,

im relistening to the mummy issues arc in s1, and was listening to scene of henry and darryl arguing about the pyramid, and i think that's really the thing yk? because henry's moral compass is more pointed towards being selfless, where sparrow seems to be on the opposite side of that in this situation

for example, henry wants to go and get arrested by neverwinter because they had let the pyramid fall instead of trying to save lark and sparrow from the omegadads, which makes sense that he doesn't approve of code purple because it would put faerun in danger, even though it would mean his family would be safe,

and then sparrow, who enacts code purple because even though it would destroy faerun, he and his family would be safe,

ive seen people compare code purple to the trolley problem- and honestly, i agree so much, its similar, where if the same amount of people are on both tracks but one has your friends and family/people you love on one side as well,

really sparrow was put into such a huge position of either way he will end up hurting someone, his 6-year-old son is attacked by a flesh hoard that he can get rid off by flicking a single switch, and of course he's going to do it, even if that means his parents never want to speak to him again and that he dooms another plain of existence to destruction

im just in love with how much this podcast spins morality around, it can be so incredibly philosophical for being a dungeons and dragons podcast about a bunch of stupid dads, it really makes you realize how complicated humans are

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tallseaweed · 5 months

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Relinquish Your Burden: Chapter 1

Summary: 3½ years have passed since Loki gave the multiverse a chance. What if it no longer had to be his burden to bear?

Word Count: 1.3k

For a sneak peek at what you might be getting yourself into, check the AO3 tags!

1,277 days.

That's how long it had been since Loki had sacrificed his freedom to give the multiverse a chance.

After leaving Mobius with an open-ended goodbye, Sylvie had returned to the branch she’d begun to call home.

For a while, her new life was everything she'd hoped it would be. She finally had true freedom, a supportive community, a job she enjoyed, and had even adopted a cat! All without the threat of the imploding Temporal Loom hanging over her head.

All of it was possible thanks to Loki. Every day, her thoughts were pulled toward him—holding together the branches of the multiverse.

At first, these thoughts filled her with gratitude. His sacrifice was the reason she was finally able to live. Never again would anyone have to survive like she had—fighting tooth and nail for the right to exist with the TVA breathing down their neck around every corner.

But as the weeks turned into months, and those months turned to years, guilt about Loki's situation began to steadily infiltrate its way into the peaceful life she'd built.

Yes, she finally had everything she'd ever wanted, but at what cost?

The passionate, wise, and endlessly infuriating man she had come to know was enslaved by his selflessness.

If Sylvie had been able to harness the branches as Loki had, would she have done it? She'd like to think she would, but her previous actions seemed to speak otherwise.

"I asked for your help and you walked away."

"Just so we're clear, no, I didn't. I'm here, aren't I? Again!"

"You're only here because you couldn't kill him."

Loki had been right. She wouldn't have been at the TVA helping with the Loom if Victor Timely had been as easy for her to kill as He Who Remains. Years of living in apocalypses had made her selfish and reactive. She had to be selfish to survive, and being soft would have gotten her killed millennia ago. But maybe she had taken it a bit too far.

"You can't give people free will and then just walk away, Sylvie."

"It's up to us to protect them. It's up to us to do better than He Who Remains."

She hadn't even considered protecting the timelines. She'd freed them, hadn't she? Naively, she'd thought that would be the extent of her responsibility. She'd been so relieved to finally be able to live, that it had blinded her from seeing the bigger picture.

No, she wouldn't have sacrificed what Loki had, because she was selfish in a way that he would never be.

She had let him down so many times.

The worst realizations came to her at night, when the world was dark and dormant, unable to distract her from the harshest truth: that Loki would never have chosen this if he hadn't been forced to.

"If we make it, and the TVA is gone, there might be a timeline for you to rule."

"Ah, and then I'd finally be happy," he quipped back sarcastically. Leaning over, he nudged her shoulder. "What about you? What will you do, when this is all over?"

"I don't know."

"I don't know either. Maybe… Maybe we could figure it out together." As his eyes locked onto hers, she saw the deep sincerity sparkling within. If she was being honest with herself, the weight of the moment frightened her.

"Maybe."

Loki hadn't wanted a throne or glory, he'd wanted to have company. Her company, before she had taken advantage of his feelings and shattered his trust in her completely. When faced with the endless possibilities of the multiverse, Loki had wanted to create a life where he wouldn't be alone.

Yes, Sylvie loved the life she'd created, but with astounding clarity, she realized she would never be able to live it with a clear conscience. Not unless she tried everything she could to help Loki regain his freedom.

With a sigh of resignation, she shuffled over to her closet and crouched down to open the safe she kept at the bottom. With a click, it swung open to reveal He Who Remains' TemPad. With a swipe of her finger, she opened a Time Door to what had formally been the Citadel at the End of Time.

When Sylvie stepped through the faint glow of the opaque orange door, there was no ground beneath her. Freefalling, she desperately swiped at the TemPad until she tumbled back into her apartment.

Sprawled onto her shag rug, she tried to calm her erratic breathing.

What the bloody hell just happened?

Obviously, the kintsugi asteroid she had been expecting was no longer there. But she could’ve sworn the portal she'd seen Loki pull himself and the timelines through had led to that exact location.

When she cleared her mind enough to remember past the panic of falling, she realized there had definitely been a green light in her peripheral vision. And the distinct aura of powerful magic.

Tentatively, she swiped open another Time Door. This time, she opened it above her, so she could keep her feet firmly planted in her bedroom. When she stood and saw what awaited her on the other side, her breath caught in her throat.

Yggdrasil.

Loki had woven the timelines into the Worlds Tree.

Her childhood memories were barely more than blips of a dream, but they had been enough to create an instinctual reverence for the tree that linked the Nine Realms together. Most people, herself included—endless skeptic that she was—believe it to be intangible, or possibly even metaphorical. Regardless, she couldn't think of a more fitting symbol to uphold the multiverse.

She didn’t know how long she stood there marveling at the glowing green behemoth, but when she dropped back into her room, her cheeks were wet with tears.

Sylvie couldn’t sleep that night. After she had processed her initial awe at Loki’s spectacular feat, she realized something vital: magic of that scale could sustain itself.

While she herself had never been able to manifest anywhere near that much power, she’d seen enough in her overly long life to know it was true. The knowledge was partially based on experience, but more compellingly it seemed to come from innate wisdom deep within. Seeing as every Loki she had met (minus the alligator) seemed to draw on a similar magical core, this seemed like something she could trust.

She had felt the life force from Loki’s Yggdrasil. Regardless of its cosmic position, power, and creator, her instincts told her it embodied the characteristics of any other tree. Including the ability to be self-sufficient.

So why was Loki still there? Didn’t he realize this too?

She supposed it was possible he didn’t. He had seemed a bit off. One second he'd seemed so sure that Timely's little device would fix the loom. Then, within a minute of entering the control room, he'd seemed absolutely positive that his sacrifice was the only way to save them all. What had changed?

But what if he did realize his Yggdrasil's self-sufficient potential, and there was some other reason he was staying there, resigned to his self-imposed martyrdom?

Well then, if that were the case, she would just have to convince him he was wrong. That shouldn’t be too hard. After all, she’d successfully done it before.

She could convince him that he deserved to be happy too.

A trickle of doubt penetrated her confidence. Based on their last few interactions, it was entirely possible that Loki might not trust her anymore.

But maybe she wouldn’t have to convince him alone.

As the sunrise filtered into her bedroom, she opened a new Time Door. It was about time she checked on an old friend.

-----

Notes: As much as I loved the last episode, it hurt too much to think that Loki would have to be alone forever. I really wanted to use some of the dialogue from episode 5 where Loki and Sylvie talk at the bar, but unfortunately this Sylvie never had that conversation.

All that being said, I hope you enjoyed the first chapter of my first published fic! I'm guessing that it'll end up being at least 8 chapters.

Next chapter we get our first Mobius POV...

Next Chapter | Masterlist

#loki #loki fanfic #loki s2 finale spoilers #loki spoilers #fix it fic #lokius #lokius fic #mcu loki #loki marvel #mobius #mobius m mobius #mobius mcu #loki series #mcu #marvel #brodinsons #the sun will shine on us again #relinquish your burden

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polyamzeal · 7 months

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Would you ever consider writing something about red flags in polyam dating? I'm so new to the community (and dating in general) that I feel like it'd be really helpful

If you google it some results come up. I feel like I would have a very hard time because everyone is different. What might be a red flag might be a pink(?) flag for someone else. I think our society likes to conflate a single one flag with "Absolutely stay away at all costs" when it is suppose to be, "Take this into careful consideration and if there are too many red flags then it might be a good idea to stay away." But here are some of the ones that stand out to me.

Overly structured relationships, especially unbalanced ones. It is good to know what we want and polyamory allows us to structure the exact kind of relationship we want. But it also allows great flexibility in our relationships. And if that flexibility is being ignored for complete devotion to a certain structure that can be concerning. These include only dating as a couple, OPP, or coerced mono-polyam partnership. Being really strict about wanting lap-sitting polyamory or Don't Ask Don't Tell also falls under these. As well as Hierarchy vs non-Hierarchy. Maybe they have good reasons to pursue these dynamics, some of which are often very toxic, but never being open to discuss the alternative is even worse than starting off there. I find OPP awful but lots of couples start there when first opening up and quickly transition away from it.

Being too self-centered or selfish. By its nature, polyamory is more community focused than monogamous dyad dating, even if only in a closed triad. I am not saying that polyamorous people need to be selfless charities. But I think a good polyamory person has at least some ability to recognize when their own needs are legitimate met and they can put effort toward or make a sacrifice for someone else that doesn't directly benefit themselves. But a sub-set of polyamorous people can be very selfish. This is where we find the harem seekers, NRE junkies, and the cowboys/cowgirls (we seriously need a better label for that). These people want lots of partners but will manipulate their partners to not pay attention or spend time with their other partners.

Bad relationships with other partners. This one is really tricky and nuisance. Not every polyam relationships require you to meet your metamours, a DADT relationship is controversial but can sometimes work in a healthy way in extreme cases. But even if you don't meet their other partners, if they are always talking bad about them to you that can be a problem. If the other partner is calling to yell at them a lot, that is suspicious. Many couples open up their relationship, realize the initial relationship is really toxic, and want to get out while continuing other polyam relationships. I'm not saying cut those people out to leave them high and dry. But know that their will be additional baggage there. And sometimes the person you are dating is the toxic one, that their other partners are correct to not get along with them. All couples fight so don't judge this on one or two incidents. But if there are no happy moments with their other partners that is a bad sign.

I think the last one is just rushing in too fast. That one is pretty self-explanatory. People that really don't know what they want out of relationships. This kind of covers people new to polyamory too but that is not to say that polyam veterans should never date newbies, just keep in mind the extra burden it might bring. All of these naive or wishy-washy people can cause a lot of extra trouble or stress in more complicated polyamorous relationship. While this one is less of a dealbreaker than the others, it should be accounted for as it is very common.

#polyamzeal answers #anon ask #red flags #dating red flags

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rogersideup · 2 years

Text

Emergency Contact

(Steve Rogers x Reader)

All fluff

Word count: 3,081

Summary: After three years together, you finally experience the joy of being Steve’s emergency contact.

Warnings: Mentions of injury, guns, illness, and medicine. Loopy Steve! My blog is 18+ only. All minors or blogs without an age in bio will be blocked.Minors DNI.

AN: I love writing Steve fluff, and honestly, I think the world needs more of it!!!! All mistakes are my own, hope you love it! <3

Steve Rogers was a man of many traits, but needy and attention seeking was definitely nowhere on that list. Well, at least that was the case for most of his life.

The Avengers loved teasing him for the way his striking authority and stubborn independence completely crumbled away into a pile of dust the moment you walked into the room. Just the sight of you relaxed his stiff posture and brought a permanent grin to his otherwise expressionless face.

Sure, off duty Steve was all laughs and smiles. Any time he spent with the team that didn't involve boring meetings or adrenaline pumping athletics, his personality was larger than life. But for some reason, you pulled it out of him even when he tried his hardest to stay neutral.

He never accepted help or allowed others to love him the same way he helped and loved everyone around him, unless it was you.

Which made you the very obvious first choice as his emergency contact, and you had been since two months into your relationship with the Captain. It wasn't even something that was discussed or you were informed of. It was an executive decision made by Tony the moment he realized you were pretty much the only person qualified to be there.

Now here you were three years later. Still americas sweetheart, and still the perfect emergency contact. Three years of waiting for an emergency call that never came, well, that was until it did.

Steve, the selfless and heroic bastard he was, snuck onto enemy lines and over a blockade to free over two-hundred hostages.

Did he free them? Yes.

Did he get shot in the head? Yes.

Did it only get worse from there? Yes.

Luckily for him, his helmet bared most of the burden. It did it's job exactly as intended, stopping the bullet and protecting his precious skull and even more precious brain. But after years of wear and bravery it's life came to an end as it inevitably cracked in half.

That resulted in a gnarly concussion after Steve was thrown off a five story building just moments after the helmet met its fate. The doctor explained to you that because the concussion was combined with pretty routine injuries, the serum could only do so much for Steve and that he was temporarily immunocompromised.

Steve sat patiently on the edge of a gurney while you listened to the doctor tell you all about how to take care of him. Your eyes occasionally drifted over to your human golden retriever and you almost wanted to slap him across his perfect concussed head.

He held an ice pack to the back of his head with a proudly smug expression on his face. His suit was tattered and torn, and you could see dark red stains of tacky pooled blood. His arms were scraped and he had deeply pronounced cuts on his temple, lips and nose. Your personal favorite part was that he could barely keep his eyes open, yet after they would slowly close, he would rip them open and blink a few times just to get his vision to focus on you.

After you and the doctor debriefed, you waited until he left the room to address Steve.

"You exhaust me, you big dumb idiot" You quietly scolded him after the door softly clicked into it's closed position. "I've been worried sick about you since I got the phone call almost two hours ago and you're sitting here smiling?!"

"You're so pretty" Hir smile stretched wider as you pulled him into a tight hug. "I missed you"

"I missed you too" You sighed into his hair. It was odd having his head below yours for once, but him sitting and you standing allowed for the unique experience.

Steve could tell that you really had been worried about him. You were practically melting into his arms, holding onto him so tight he thought that maybe he had actually died and came back to life. Even though your tight hold strained every screaming ache in his body, he held back winces and groans to allow you the comfort you needed.

"Please don't scare me like that ever again" Your sternness had quickly turned into worry and sympathy.

"'M sorry, darling. I didn't mean to" Steve slowly rubbed your back in attempts to appease your distress. "You know I'd never do anything that would keep me from coming home to you."

"You almost didn't" She denied his statement. "You were shot in the head and thrown off a building. That doesn't sound like something that would happen to someone just trying to go home"

"That's a normal Tuesday for me" He stated like it was a matter of fact.

"I hate Tuesdays" He could hear the pout in your voice before you pulled away and cradled his cheeks in your hands. "Are you okay?"

"I will be" He reassured you, but the pained expression on his face and the dulled blue in his droopy eyes told you that he definitely wasn't feeling good.

"I'm so happy you're home" You told him, but it came out in a broken whisper that allowed Steve to understand what you were really trying to say.

I'm so happy you made it home alive.

"Thank you for coming to get me" sincerity was laced into every word he spoke.

"Let's get you cleaned up and in bed" She grinned. "Doctor said you're on mandatory bed rest for three days. Are you going to listen, or did the fall make your hard head go soft?"

"I'm pretty sure my brain is a pile of mush right now, maybe three days would do me good" Steve pressed a gentle kiss to your lips.

Beyond your wildest expectations, your stubborn hard headed boyfriend actually did listen. He spent three whole days sleeping away in your shared bed, or the living room couch in the compound. It was almost concerning to everyone who passed by to see him so deeply asleep and almost lifeless.

Amongst the words those would use to describe Steve, restless and active were very high up. But now those were tossed out of the window and replaced with needy.

By day four he wouldn't even let you out of his sight, but you didn't really want to leave him either. He spent hours curled up in a little ball with a pained scrunched up face.

His head was pounding, his muscles were sore, and more recently he found himself with a scratchy throat and blocked sinuses.

Having not been sick since the 40's, he was out of practice and strength to deal with it. The whole team accused him of having the 'man flu', exaggerating his symptoms to keep you close. Fake coughing and sneezing for a few extra back rubs, because really, how on earth could a super soldier get sick?

But they all didn't see him how you did. It was really out of the ordinary for him to make himself seem so small. They weren't the ones wrapping his shivering body in heated blankets, massaging his sore lower back, or playing with his hair just to get him to release any sort of misery to lull him to sleep.

Not only was he sick, but you could tell he was dealing with stirred up past trauma. He spent practically his whole life up until the war being unwell, struggling to breath with a body so nimble and weak it felt like it could give out at any moment.

So that's how you ended up here, with two hundred and fifty pounds of pure muscle using your chest as a pillow while watching Snow White.

Much like you loved to show him stuff he missed while he was in the ice, he loved to show you stuff from his time before the ice. Snow White just happened to be the one Disney film you hadn't seen, and the film that he has fond memories of.

He told you when you first started dating that it came out when he was nineteen years old, and it was the first thing to bring a genuine smile to his face since his mom passed away when he was eighteen. Steve knew with everything in him that she would've loved it.

You were more than happy to lay awake at 2:30am to watch it and play with his hair even if it would make him just the tiniest bit less miserable.

You mindlessly ran your fingers through the short length while he held you tight and snug. He was under so many blankets that you weren't really sure where your bodies started and ended, but you did know that between him and the pile, you were way more than warm. His body was like a furnace, it usually was but this was a whole new extreme.

The medicine he was prescribed was strong enough to tranquilize a horse, but it was a tough match on the super soldier who was desperately trying to stay awake to finish the tale of the seven dwarves. It was equal parts endearing and frustrating that he was fighting off sleep with every ounce of strength he had.

Luckily, this was a battle that he had lost around three in the morning. You waited a few minutes to make sure he was out cold before slipping out from underneath his sweaty body in attempts to take care of yourself too.

You had already accepted the fact that you're sleep schedule was royally fucked up, so you didn't even bat an eye when it came to showering at such an ungodly hour.

The real trouble came when you tried to make yourself a cup of chamomile tea to will yourself to sleep after days in bed with Steve.

Maybe you weren't quite as stealth or quiet as you thought you were being, but there was definitely nothing quiet about the shriek you let out when a warm pair of unsuspecting forearms wrapped around your stomach from behind.

"God, you scared the shit out of me" You complained to your drugged up boyfriend.

He was in nothing but his boxers with a blanket draped around his shoulders. His arms held your back tightly against his front while his head dropped to your shoulder, he wasn't doing much to support his body weight.

"You left me" He complained with the saddest little pout. His sweet voice was raspy and muffled by a very obvious sore throat, it was enough to make you weak in the knees. "Woke up s'sad"

"I'm sorry, baby." You used your free hand to grab his forearm and draw hearts into his skin with your thumb.

"Thassokay, so happy now" He was obviously in a cold medicine induced loopy state. "Needed to see my beautiful girl"

"I think you need some good sleep" you suggested, trying your hardest to finish up so you could get him back in bed.

"No more sleep. I wanna do whatever you're doing" Steve sniffled into your neck before placing tiny kisses along your shoulder. "I haven't seen you in like two weeks"

"Honey, I've been with you for four whole days" You smiled at his drugged thoughts.

"I haven't seen you in six yearssss" he slurred.

"We only met three years ago" a giggle slipped past your lips.

"Nooooo. It's been at least 10. I've known you since two life times ago. Promise" He placed a kiss on your cheek. "Every second without you feels like a lifetime."

"I'll take your word for it" You brought your mug to your lips and took a long sip.

"Why have you been in bed with me for four years, pretty girl?"

"Days" you corrected. "Because you don't feel good, and I'm trying to make you feel better." You placed your mug down on the counter before turning around so you could face him.

"You've been taking care of me for four whole days?!" He questioned.

His eyelids were heavy and his expression was weary. A pretty shade of pink painted his cheeks and the top of his chapped nose while his hair stuck out in a million different directions. The soft stubble growing along his bold jaw and upper lip was coming in and filling out which was a rarity with Steve. He always kept his face cleanly shaved in attempts to keep up with public image and old fashioned habits.

You couldn't even help but to smile at how cute he was, even drugged out of his mind.

"Mhm" You grinned.

"Wow. Woooooooowwww! I'm ssssoo lucky" He threw his head back with a huge smile, the first time he smiled in days. "You must really love me. Like. A lot."

"I do" You confirmed while trying to fix his hair. "I love you a whole bunch"

"Tomorrow I'm going to go buy you flowers" he stated proudly.

"No you're not" You gently denied. "Tomorrow you have to rest so you feel better, remember?"

"But I have to" He wined with a poked out bottom lip in the most pathetic pout you've ever seen.

"Why do you have to?"

"Because my mother always told me that I have to buy pretty flowers for even prettier girls or else they'll run off. I don't want you to leave me." He explained.

"I'd never leave you" You reassured him, trying to take it as seriously as he was. Your thumbs made their way to the very corners of his pouted lips, and stretched them up into a grin. "I promise, I know you love me. I don't need flowers to know that"

"Really? You promise?"

"I promise" You confirmed with a small nod. "You look like you aren't feeling good, do you want to go back to bed now?"

"I feel fine" He denied. "Don'tcha worry your cute little face about me."

You lifted your hand and pressed your palm against his forehead. "But, honey, you're hot. You're practically burning up"

"Why thank you" He smirked.

"I meant your temperature" You chuckled until you realized that his face fell into another pathetic pout.

"I'm ugly?" He asked sadly.

"What? No- baby you're the handsomest man I've ever seen. All I'm trying to tell you is that you have a fever."

"Oh" He perked up. "Yeah, I really don't feel good" His head dropped back into the crook of your neck. "Should probably go to bed, but I don't wanna"

"Why not?"

"Cause I want cuddles from my pretty princess"

"I can give you cuddles in bed" You tried reasoning with him while drawing shapes into his bare back.

"You smell so good" You could feel his smile against your skin. "And you're so pretty. And warm. It's so cold"

"How about we get under the blankets to warm you up?" You desperately tried reasoning with him.

"I have a blanket right here, see? We're sharing it." Steve readjusted then blanket so it was tighter around the two of you. "Why is your hair wet?"

"I took a shower- washed my hair" You told him with a grin. His lack of self support caused his weight to push your back into the counter while his front leaned into yours.

"Without me? That's so mean"

"You were asleep, I didn't want to wake you up"

"But I'm here now" He proudly stated.

"I'm so happy you're here. But do you know where I want to go?" You asked, hoping you could trick him.

"Where do you wanna go? I'll go aaaaanywhere with you. I can even start up the quinjet if you want" He lifted his head to look at your face again.

"I want to go to bed"

"Awww s'my angel so sleepy?" He questioned sweetly with a higher pitched tone as if you were the tiniest puppy he had ever seen. "Let's get you cozy"

He unraveled himself from his spot then grabbed your hand and brought you back into the bedroom. To your surprise, he got into bed with no complaints.

Without saying a word, the two of you found your spots exactly where you were. Bodies becoming one, tangled into endless blankets, his head on your chest, and his weight pushing you deeper into the plush mattress. You pressed play again on Snow White and Steve pressed a little kiss just below your collar bone as a token of appreciation.

One hand on his smooth back, the other forever tangled into his silky blonde hair.

"Do you feel sick too?" Steve practically whispered after almost ten minutes of silence.

"No, honey, I'm feeling okay"

"Okay, I'm so happy you don't feel like this" He squeezed his eyes closed and nestled his cheek into the cotton of your shirt. "I don't want to feel like this anymore"

The statement brought a genuine pain to your chest. Steve was just too cute to handle, and if you could take every drop of illness out of him and bare it yourself, you would do it in a heartbeat.

"I'm so sorry, Stevie. This is the worst of it, okay? Bruce said you should start feeling better within the next day or two" You sealed the statement with a kiss to the top of his head. "If there's anything I can do to make you feel better just let me know and I'll do it, alright?"

"You're the best emergency contact in the whole world. You're granted this position for the rest of my life" He appointed you.

"I'm glad. It's a privilege to take care of you, I love you."

"I love you too"

Another few moments of silence and calm fell onto the room, and his evened out breathing and relaxed muscles lead you to believe that you had successfully lulled the big friendly giant to sleep. You couldn't even help your brain wandering as you had a chance to unapologetically stare at the creature that was your boyfriend.

He really was so beautiful. A sharp jaw, strong nose, and bold cheekbones all softened by a sweet, lopsided smile, baby blue eyes, and a loyal, timeless personality.

"I'm going to go buy you flowers tomorrow" His voice ripped you out of the trance he had put you in to begin with.

"You're a pain in the butt" you couldn't even help but to laugh, and a smirk formed on his face though his eyes remained closed.

"I have a good butt"

"Go to sleep, Rogers."

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skylaryozora · 2 years

Text

Unpopular Opinion: Why I prefer the way Bloom gained her Enchantix

Yet another thing I realized while rewatching the show.

But I guess we need to start with the episode where Faragonda told Alfea's students about the final fairy form.

Faragonda: The test will find you at a critical moment in time. You will need to rescue someone from your own world and it will require a great sacrifice. If you succeed, then and only then you will achieve the final transformation.

As much as I love Enchantix as the brand new fairy level and aesthetic (the soundtracks, the concept of Fairy Dust, and the wings, omg, I would die to have Stella's or Flora's ones), there is one thing about it that has always bugged me, namely, the way it is earned.

Now, please refrain from throwing stones at me for the time being, and give me a chance to elaborate on that. I do not have a problem particularly with girls proving how noble, selfless, and courageous they are, I absolutely love that. I am strictly talking about the... technical side.

The ultimate condition determines that in order to achieve Enchantix one has to rescue someone from their own realm. I see two problematic aspects of that:

This is clearly an external factor, something a fairy does not even have an impact on. What if a fairy is "unlucky" enough not to encounter anynone who would need their help? What is she supposed to do then, create such an opportunity? (XD) And also, what if she tries her best to save someone, but fails for some reason? The default way to gain Enchantix implies putting oneself in danger and even sacrificing your life if necessary, which makes it a very precarious trial, and maybe some fairies could dare consider it an awful chore to get over with and mark as completed, which kind of brings me to my next point. Digression: See, the condition to gain Charmix was to overcome personal fears and anxieties, which makes more sense to me because it is an internal factor. It is different for everyone and it gives great value to the next fairy level, because it celebrates the fact that a fairy managed to grow as a person and step out of her comfort zone.

The limitation regarding the rescued person's origin is just plain ridiculous for me. Honestly, it makes little to no sense, and I dare say it is even discriminatory. What if it was Bloom or Musa who saved Flora's sister or Stella's dad for some random reason? It would not count as an Enchantix-worthy deed, because Bloom's planet is dead in S3 and Musa has her own different realm she should "focus" on? But what about Tecna then? She activated her Enchantix through self-sacrifice but not directly for Zenithean citizens' sake, but rather for the whole magical dimension, which just makes it a bit confusing. In that case, Bloom could do the same thing, in fact, she was ready to do so (only together with Aisha, Tecna, and this Androsean sage Tabok who was eventually useless), but Tecna decided to do it of her own accord (Tabok prevented Aisha from stopping her by saying she must fulfill her destiny... Honestly, what destiny all of a sudden? If I remember correctly, we never hear about Tecna's destiny before and after that episode). Also, what if a fairy detests her home realm and its inhabitants (and let's assume she has a legitimate reason for that), and wants to break free from it for good? She unwillingly comes back there and gets a chance to rescue someone, but it is a person whom she absolutely despises for the same legitimate reason. Is such person simply not able to achieve the final form? I know it is an extreme example, but it is still possible.

The second condition has a considerable impact in Bloom's case, as it makes her feel excluded and deprived of a chance to evolve into a full-fledged fairy. She genuinely wishes to become stronger, and she asks the headmistress for guidance. This is what Faragonda tells her:

Faragonda: There's only one place you can go to become stronger, Bloom. It is called Pyros. The island of dragons. The power you can acquire there is great, but the dangers are severe and your survival is far from certain.

Leaving aside many aspects which confuse and upset me about this turn of events and Pyros arc (like this small dragon Buddy existing just for one episode, or Bloom not being told how exactly staying on Pyros can help her acquire this great power), Bloom is teleported to a place where she meets a new mentor, Maya, the only one who offers her some concrete instructions.

Maya: If you want to get stronger, you must open your heart and your mind. (...) Your magic is more focused, and you're able to control your fear. Your powers reached a whole new level of sophistication. (...) Every magical place has a unique kind of essence and not just every place, but every magical being too - and that includes you. Just like Pyros, you are defined by the particular blend of magic which lies deep at your core. What you must do is allow your own essence and that of Pyros to come together and work as one.

During her training with Maya Bloom learns how to medidate, which is officially proven to be a major performance booster if done well, and also does some physical workout, which I also appreciate because I imagine that growing more powerful implies it is an all-encompassing process which enhances both your body and mind.

Besides, no wonder why Bloom will always be considered the strongest in the show: she seems to get more opportunities to hone her skills and even learn secrets related to spiritual development after all. I am aware it is partly because she herself is big on self-improvement because she often feels not good enough in comparison with her Enchantix squad, but still, the other girls do not get opportunities to acquire this kind of knowledge, which would benefit them too and make them even more powerful. Bloom is later seen using the knowledge she acquired during her quest on Pyros in order to understand how to approach the guardian dragon of the Omega Dimension, which clearly gives her an upper hand in understanding how the magical world works.

Maya even gives Bloom a vial containing the essence of Pyros, which basically becomes Bloom's Fairy Dust (!). Of course, it is not said that Bloom is now bonded with Pyros forever, which would make sense, but it is something I find especially interesting.

Maya: All the energy you possess was totally focused for one perfect moment, and that's what set your Enchantix free. It can only happen to someone who has the Dragon Fire within. (...) You found yourself, Bloom.

Faragonda: Bloom, I'm not going to lie to you, your Enchantix power is dangerously incomplete. The others have a power that was born out of sacrifice, yours was created by the pure force of will, it's not the same.

So, Bloom made her way to Enchantix through refining her mind power, achieving inner peace, learning how to focus her energy, and becoming one with the realm of dragons, not to mention going through various physical trials, sometimes without using magic and wings. Basically she forced herself into Enchantix form using the honed strength of her character and the ungiving power of her will... and you are telling me that her Enchantix is incomplete (to make it worse, this is repeated like ten times throughout the show, which I find incredibly annoying) just because she had no choice but to do it in her own untypical way?!

This is where I need to state I do believe that the way Bloom got Enchantix is more fascinating and just deeper when you think about it. I adore the idea of gaining the final magical form through understanding what is inner peace and achieving the ultimate focus, which in fact translates to more effective performance (let me remind you that Valtor was medidating too!). It kind of resembles spiritual awakening which could be a huge milestone in fairy's evolution, right after conquering one's fears. Bloom went out of her way to prove she is uniquely gifted, after all she acquired the final form by herself, without being granted it by some external source.

And yet, Bloom is told that despite her being unique, one of a kind, super powerful and what not, she is still not good enough, and Faragonda does not specify what actually makes Bloom's Enchantix a demo version.

One last but random thing, you know what might have been cool? If teachers had not revealed to them that such a final fairy form exists and how to acquire it. This way Aisha's transformation would have been an even greater surprise for the girls and all of the Alfea students, and a moment of enlightenment of what it takes to achieve this level (and they would need to figure it out by themselves!).

That is all from me, and I am eager to read about your take on Bloom's case and Enchantix in general.

#winx bloom #winx enchantix #bloom enchantix #winx #winx club #winx commentary #fairy evolution #enchantix

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