#and its also great when its done as like a little audience secret!! and you watch the characters get tricked and manipulated!!!

[dufrau]

Okay so bear with me this is Erathia fanfiction aka fic of a movie within a fic aka absolute nonsense inspired by @eskawrites

It's ronance but also not ronance? But it is ronance?

(if you havent read this story that we found ourselves in this will make no sense im sorry and even if you have read it this might make no sense! it is for me and like 3 other people! but also you need to read it and then start reading the nancy pov if you love yourself even a little)

Anyway it's uh. Their wedding night? But in sort of a "i heard you like fake dating AUs so i put a fake marriage AU in your fake dating AU but of course its a very real marriage but robin/lark hasn't fully grasped that fact?"

(Lark= Robin, Tenar= Nancy)

"It was a lovely ceremony, Your Highness." 

Lark stood stiffly with her back to the door, ill at ease in the queen's quarters in a way she hadn't felt since her first days in the castle. Tenar moved about the room brusquely, as if willing the strangeness away with her quick little movements. Brushing the enormity of what they had done away like dust from her desk, as if any dust would dare settle on her royal furniture. The maid could hear a mote fall from across the courtyard, it would not last a second.

"Did you think so? Really?" Tenar asked, making no attempt to mask the doubt in her tone.

"It was a successful one, at the very least," Lark conceded. "Your plans, as always, gone off without a hitch."

"One hitch, intentional as it were," Tenar corrected her.

"Right."

Tenar turned to look at her, standing at attention by the door, and let out a deep sigh.

"Come take some wine, I think it would do you some good. You've been too sober all day."

"For your safety, Your Highness," Lark insisted. "Beloved as you are to your people, there will  always be some who would take liberties. It is my job to be too sober."

Tenar laughed, ringing like clashing steel, her wits undulled by whatever wine she herself may have taken.

"I know it well. Was I not married today with a scabbard on my hip?"

That she was. She wore a gown, of course, as per tradition. But on top of it she had donned a leather coat, plated in steel. Lighter than her real armor, fitted and filigreed for ceremony. But it would slow an arrow if not stop it outright, if by some catastrophic failure an arrow was allowed to get that far.

Her sword now lay discarded across the great map table in the center of her quarters. The entire kingdom laid down willingly under her blade.

They were a grateful people, by and large, for the peace she had won them. And there had been no whispers of violence that day. Only celebration. Carts sent out through the cobbled streets of the city and out along the cowpaths to the villages loaded with wine and meats and everything needed for a feast. The ceremony would not be held hostage in the great hall of the palace but spread out across the realm, every person invited to partake.

When Lark had stood on the dais in her own finery and watched the queen take the stairs one by one, accepting Moss's steadying hand as if daring the people to question her forgiveness, she had all but lost her breath at the sight of it. 

She had stumbled blindly over the vows, repeating them almost mindlessly as Ged struggled not to laugh. The vows were nothing to her. She had taken them long ago in secret. They bound her heart and her hands as surely as her nerves bound her tongue in repeating them now before this audience of friends and strangers.

Arren had stood at her back, and she was grateful for his snickering presence. The only normal thing apart from the taunting fire in Tenar's eyes.

That fire undying, it shone as fiercely as ever now when it was just the two of them as it did for the entire kingdom. Lark had a selfish wonder if perhaps that fire was meant for her all along.

It burned her, regardless.

She pushed herself off the door and into the queen's gravity. She took the offered glass and she drank, and she felt the warming wine move through her. Only the best for the queen.

"I appreciate your participation, today," Tenar told her when she was satisfied with Lark's sipping. "I know you've never cared for ceremony. I fear I've bound you to a life of it, now."

"I suppose I could take in a hunt when I sense a feast day approaching," Lark said. She felt loosened already by the wine to some small degree, enough at least to jest. "Is that not the proper pastime for the Queen's consort?"

Tenar smiled up through her eyelashes. Through her crown.

"Indeed," she said. "But be careful not to catch anything or we will need to throw another feast to show off your prowess."

Lark took another sip of her wine.

"I have not missed a ceremony or a feast these recent years as it stands," she sighed. "Now at least I can count on a comfortable chair."

"You can count on anything you need," Tenar reminded her. "This hasn't changed. I would have given you any chair in the realm if you had asked. But you don't ask."

"I'm a woods-grown rogue, I have sat in places far worse than the chairs in your court."

"Would you like to sit on my bed? It's softer even than a throne. To help me with my dress, if it pleases you."

The fire, undying. 

Lark swallowed her wine roughly, the warmth turned to burning.

"Would not your handmaidens be better suited?" She asked. Her fingers twitched around her goblet. 

"I can call on them, if you'd prefer." Tenar turned her back to pour more wine and Lark was faced with the temptation to do as the queen directed. How easy it would be to untie those strings. Like setting a snare, only this time Lark feared she was the one in the trap. "I thought you might appreciate the privacy after having so many eyes upon you today."

"You are too kind," Lark thanked her. "I only worry that it wouldn't be appropriate, Your Highness."

"We are married," Tenar spoke it into existence.  The reality of it almost sent the wine back up Lark's throat. "It is more than appropriate. If anything it is expected."

The wine stayed down but a laugh came up in its place. She set her cup down.

"Well I fear I'm doomed to fail at fulfilling those expectations." Her free hands gestured disbelievingly. "Certainly no heir can come of it, unless your court magician has tricks up her sleeve I am not privy to."

"No tricks, no." Tenar shook her head.

"Well then what can they expect of us? Of me?" Lark felt herself rising to panic. "What is it we owe them, in here? I won't sully you in the name of ceremony."

Tenar laughed without humor.

"Sully me?" She asked. "Do you think me so soft? So easily broken? Do you still think me the wilting flower? The helpless princess locked away safe in her castle?"

"No, My Lady," Lark insisted. "I was a fool ever to mistake you so."

"You are many things, but a fool has never been among them."

"Your Highness-"

"Enough!" Tenar's patience rarely ran out but she let it now. "Don't feed me more formality, I have had my fill. We are equals. If you won't call me your wife I would have you at least use my name."

"You have no equal, My-" Lark cut herself off. She cleared her throat, trying to clear away the tenderness that always gathered around the two syllables she had to speak. "Tenar."

She watched the word hit her queen's ears, watched them pink.

"You make music of it, my name," Tenar said softly.

Lark looked at the ceiling and loosed a helpless laugh. "It is the only song I know."

Tenar stepped forward and took Lark's hands into her own. A warrior queen, her dainty fingers calloused and strong. 

"I should think a woods-grown rogue would have heard some more bawdy lyrics than those," she offered.

"If I have ever heard any I have long since forgotten them," Lark told the truth. 

"I believe it." Tenar's eyes were steel. Unbending in her resolve. "You're no rogue anymore. You wear your station like a costume, and I understand it. I do the same, much of the time. But I know your heart. It is real. And those that look upon you, that look upon me? To them it is real. It has to be. They'll look upon us, now, together. What will we show them?"

Lark felt wordless under Tenar's gaze. She fell back upon her oath. "Your will is my will, my queen. I will be what you need me to be."

"I need you to be your own self, Lark." Tenar insisted. "I need you to stay my hand when it would move too hastily. To act when I am unable. I have a sword, and an entire armory full of spares. I don't need another weapon to wield. I need a wife, if you would be one. But do not mistake me, it is your choice, always. Even now. I would have your friendship and be grateful for it, if that is what you offer."

"I will be whatever-"

"Lark." Tenar dropped Lark's hands and took hold of her face now, forcing her to look, and to see.

The fire. Undying.

Lark could not win this war against a woman who never flinched. She broke open.

"Fine. Yes." She raised her hands in surrender. She could only beg for mercy. "You have me. I'm caught, at last. There are likely still bounties on my head somewhere, and they are yours if you'd like to cash me in. You have me. I am yours. I have been your friend. I would be your wife if you should somehow find me acceptable." She fought for her breath and she caught it. She slowed herself. "I would be your wife, Tenar. If you would have me."

"I would."

"Well then. I guess you do. Have me."

"And you have me. Understand, I would not be sullied, by you or by anyone." Tenar told her. Lark's apology was cut down in its stride. "But you have marked me already, and deeply. It cannot be undone. And I am the better for it."

Lark was all out of oaths. "You flatter me."

"I do not waste my words."

"Flattery is not wasted on me, Your Highness." She watched a smile touch her queen's face underneath the flush of frustration.

"I have asked you to stop that." Tenar let go of Lark's face and stepped back. "I took a knee to ask you to marry me and you took a deeper one to say yes. Will you never stop putting me above you?"

"It is a hard habit to break," Lark mused. "I have spent so long looking up at you, even despite your stature."

"Ah!" Tenar laughed, sincerely. "Insubordination, at last."

"Progress marches ever forward." Lark, too, marched ever forward, following in her queen's footsteps.

Tenar turned and asked over her shoulder. "And how does it sit, this equality?"

"Unsteady, truth be told."

"Well,"Tenar offered. "If even footing is too much to bear, can I suggest that I might prefer to be beneath you, at present?"

Lark could only sputter. "Are these the bawdy lyrics you spoke of, my queen?"

"My name," the queen insisted.

"Tenar," Lark breathed.

"There. That is the tune. Now come and sit on my bed where it is soft. Help me with my dress. I will teach you the words."

#cfdau #tenlark #ronance #eskawrites #basically this is the same flirting i always write but in an obnoxiously different dialect #im sorry #or youre welcome #this is not canon in the erathia/cfdau universe this is just me exorcising a brainworm

[biggiedraws]

okay i just finished rewatching fma brotherhood and can we please talk about how fuckin 15 ed is. like lots of anime protagonists are 15 but ed is *so* 15.

like- he needs to disguise the car so he makes it into a 15 year olds idea of a really cool car, and its so cringe the adults force him to change it. he makes ling a sword and puts a little skull on the handle (for literally no reason except that he presumably thought it would be cool, even though they were in the middle of getting their asses kicked by envy) and then gets defensive when ling calls it lame. he gets riled up unbelievably easily over NOTHING. his fighting style is scrappy- hes experienced but not disciplined, and he'll use whatevers on hand to get the job done. he'll mess around in the middle of a fight, use unnecessarily flashy moves/weapons, and hes just generally a nuisance in combat. he gets really flustered when people insinuate that winry is his girlfriend, and then when he DOES confess to her 2 years later he uses a fucking alchemy metaphor because hes a NERD.

im saying all of this with affection by the way- hes a cringe 15 year old because 15 year olds are cringe! i feel like most of the time these high school age protagonists are basically just adult characters with more naive ideals, or theyre a bit more emotional, or they have "childish" interests. ESPECIALLY with these high stakes action-adventure stories, where the fate of the world is in their hands. but a kid can have the weight of the world on their shoulders and still handle their emotions poorly, act recklessly, goof off at inappropriate times, and generally think and act in a way that adults wouldnt. and still be mature and competent characters! i mean, ed is a GREAT protagonist. he has a full understanding of the stakes and he knows how and when to get serious. but he also does shit like breaking into a secret government laboratory, alone, in the middle of the night, with no plan, and nearly gets himself killed in the process. because hes a reckless kid! and if he HADNT done that, they never would have found out the enemys plan in time!

and its just so perfectly executed- instead of childish traits being sprinkled on top of adult problem solving and emotional regulation, him being 15 informs how he acts all the time! sometimes this is a good thing because he solves problems in a unique way, and sometimes it causes even MORE problems. its a fundamental aspect of his character that contributes to both his strong and weak points.

and my absolute favourite part is that hes still treated like a person worthy of his title and reputation- not only by the adult characters, but by the narrative itself. but he isnt treated like an adult either! the adults around him dont talk down to him, but they also dont have adult expectations of him. theres a whole bit about how the adults shouldnt stand by while the children are on the battlefield- insinuating that while the children are worthy of standing on the battlefield alongside them, they also feel some responsibility to lead them since theyre the adults. which is super reasonable! its probably the best take on adult mentor figures for child main characters ive ever seen.

and yeah theres an argument to be made that it was pretty fucked up of mustang to recruit ed to the military at 12 years old. but he was super upfront with him about what it would entail and didnt force him into it. so watching it as an adult, yeah, its fucked up. but the target audience is kids and thats how kids want to be treated! yeah its a lot of responsibility, but ed knew that going in AND he has a huge support network of trustworthy adults who are looking out for him. hes fine. and hes DEFINITELY better off than most high school age protagonists, who are just sort of thrust into high stakes, life-threatening situations with little guidance. the dynamic is less "you are The Chosen One who will singlehandedly save the world" and more "i mean you certainly have the skills and we really appreciate you working with us but what the fuck is a child doing in the military. who authorized this?? youre going to get yourself killed PLEASE be more careful!" and like. if youre gonna have a show about a 15 year old saving the world, then thats definitely the way to do it.

and what really seals the deal is how pissed ed gets when people treat him like a kid. thats the most 15 year old thing ever! he FEELS like hes being talked down to and disrespected just because hes not given the same expectations and responsibilities as the adults. watching it as a 20 year old im super impressed by the way the adults treat ed, but i can also understand why ed gets so frustrated. its the nature of being a teenager and thinking you can handle more than you can. which really just solidifies how fuckin 15 he is

btw im not saying ed is the only well written teenager in the show. hes just the clearest example- hes so LOUD about who he is and it makes it really easy to talk about his character traits. also hes like my favourite character ever and i just have to talk about him. so like al and the rest are also really convincing kids, and a lot of this stuff kind of applies to all of them! im just talking about ed because i want to lmfao

#i dont really have a thesis here i just love it #great writing and so fun to watch #fullmetal alchemist #fma #fmab #edward elric #analysis

[asa-do-your-thing]

The rainbow trout

Robb Stark x Frey Reader 18 + MINORS DNI WC: 5,1k Warnings: forced marriage, mentions death, alcohol, dubcon, angst

You knew you weren't his first choice. You also knew what would happen, should Robb Stark, the Young Wolf, not accept your hand, so you did everything in your power to convince him to marry anyone of your female relatives. You sent him coded messages, diguised yourself and warned his pregnant lady... You did everything in your might to persuade him.

That was why it hurt you even more that when he came to the Twins and told you all to stand in a big semi circle ordered by your ages - you stood almost at the farthest end, having only just flowered - and he walked over to your aunts and older cousins, all past the ages of five and twenty. Everything within you itched to call out to him - King of the North, 'tis I who saved you!

But Robb Stark, the Young Wolf, was a man known for his honor and duty. He gave each woman a polite nod, exchanged pleasantries and, with a hint of discomfort in his eyes, moved along the line. You watched him as he went from your eldest aunt, Lady Amarei, a stout woman with greying hair and a face that had lost the battle with age long ago; to your cousin Alyx, then onto Waldene and Wylda - all older than you by several years and already mothers to their own broods, though you supposed it was pleasing for him to see their fertility.

The air in the Great Hall was thick with expectation as the Young Wolf made his way down the line of eligible Frey women. The flickering light from the hundreds of candles gave an ethereal glow to the scene, casting dancing shadows along stone walls adorned with the ancient heraldry of House Frey. The wheels of your father's great wooden chair creaked as he shifted his weight, watching his potential son-in-law examine his flock.

As Robb Stark drew closer to you, your heart pounded in your chest. Despite your best efforts to maintain decorum, your hands were clammy against the lush fabric of your dress. When he finally stood before you, his azure eyes met yours with an intensity that stole your breath away. His face was unreadable; he made no comments about your youth or offered any compliments as he had done for some of your relatives.

He nodded once before moving on to your younger sister - a girl who barely even knew how to keep her hair out of her soup bowl - and then carried on down the line. You could feel the disappointment welling up and looked up in amazement when he went back up to his previous spot. He... knew what would happen should he not accept any one of them? What was he doing?

Robb Stark, the Young Wolf, turned back to look you in the eyes. His gaze caught yours in a strange dance, akin to two foxes circling one another before withdrawing. He thanked your father, Lord Walder, for his hospitality and the introduction to his lovely daughters and nieces. His voice echoed along the stone hall, each word punctuated by silence from the gathered Freys.

"Before I proceed," he announced, raising an eyebrow as if he had just been struck by a sudden thought, "I would like to ask a question about a small rainbow trout." The hall fell silent.

Your heart leapt into your throat. The 'rainbow trout'. The code you had used so many times in your letters to him. You had used it as a symbol of danger, warning him of impending peril. And now he was using it back at you.

The question Robb asked was incredibly mundane in its nature for anyone else. Yet behind those words, there lay a hidden realm of understanding known only to Robb and yourself; its context spread across a plethora of secret letters exchanged between you two under various pseudonyms over the years. The audience stared at him blankly while your mind raced to pick up the hidden message in his query.

Just then, your innocent little sister nudged you and whispered in your ear right below a breath. "Has King Robb gone coo-coo?" You could hardly suppress the laughter that bubbled within you at her naive words. She didn’t understand what was passing between Robb and yourself and for that, you were both relieved and eternally grateful.

"No dear one," you whispered back, patting her small hand. " he's simply curious about our streams."

A hushed murmur passed through the crowd as they tried to comprehend the Young Wolf’s peculiar question. Lord Walder, from his high seat, let out a puff of irritation. "Is this a jest, Stark?" he asked gruffly.

The Young Wolf looked at him, his eyes hardening. "Not at all," he replied sternly. "In fact, it is rather important."

You noticed the subtle change in his demeanor and felt your heart flutter with anticipation. Robb turned his gaze back to you, the hardness softening once more into a look filled with intent and secret understanding.

"Your rainbow trout seems quite interesting." The Young Wolf finally spoke in his clear voice, echoing through the hall, carrying a message for you alone amongst the throng of confused onlookers. His words were enigmatic and carried an underlying layer of significance that no one but you could decipher.

The corners of your lips curled into an involuntary smile as you met his gaze and nodded subtly. You understood what he was trying to say, what he had so bravely alluded to in front of all your family members.

"And what would such a trout want?" asked Lord Walder impatiently. His sharp gaze pierced through Robb Stark who merely smirked and shrugged lightly.

"That’s for the trout to know," replied the Young Wolf cryptically. Before anyone could question further, he bowed courteously towards Lord Walder and then swept an arm towards you in an elegant gesture. "Perhaps your young lady there can provide me an answer?"

"Walderette?", your father croaked out and raised an eyebrow.

A big rumble went through the hall and you blushed up to your roots, not used to being stared at. This was pressure and you needed to handle it quickly and well - so well that your old, disgusting flea of a father would forget about this instance.

"Yes, Father?" You responded, managing to keep your voice steady, despite the thudding of your heart. Your eyes slipped towards Robb who looked at you encouragingly.

Your father huffed, "You'll entertain The Young Wolf's humor about our trout?"

"Of course, Father," you replied softly, your gaze locked with Robb's. An understanding passed between you two, an assurance that somehow he would make things right.

You then cleared your throat and addressed the hall in a voice far more confident than you felt. "Rainbow trout," you began, glancing at Robb who nodded subtly as if urging you to go on. "Is a delicacy in our rivers. It’s versatile and can thrive in different environments. It can be elusive yet it can be caught if one is patient and diligent."

The room was quiet as everyone watched you curiously. Your father squinted his eyes at you while your younger sister nervously bobbed up and down on her feet. He didn't dare suspect anything, or else your fate would be just the same - being slit open by your family.

"It is very good when smoked and lasts long, and it is easy to transport. It goes well with pickles-"

Lord Walder raised his hand and shrugged. "Yes, Wald... Walderette your name was, right? Rainbow trout is good." He looked at Robb, who gave him a relatively neutral look. "And you are sure you want... her? I have girls with prettier faces, bigger tits and that talk less nonesense."

Robb didn’t flinch under Lord Walder’s crude remarks. Instead, his gaze seemed only to harden, a touch of steel flashing in his eyes as he coolly met the old lord's gaze. "Aye," he said, holding your gaze again with a softness that contrasted sharply with the icy tone he had used for Walder.

"I'm sure." His blue eyes glittered with certainty and warmth. Your heart fluttered, nearly missing a beat at his declaration. To have him, Robb Stark, The Young Wolf, choose you in front of everyone felt as surreal as it was exciting.

Lord Walder grumbled something incoherent under his breath, shifting uncomfortably in his high seat. His gaze oscillated between you and Robb before finally settling on the young king with a grudging acceptance. He sighed heavily and grunted out a curt, “Very well.”

A murmur rippled through the hall, turning into excited whispers that echoed around the stone walls. This was unprecedented; a Frey girl chosen to be betrothed to the King in the North!

Your sisters looked at you with wide eyes, surprise and envy coloring their expressions. You could almost feel their piercing stares burrowing into your back, but you didn’t care. Robb had chosen you. And even though this was part of a grand scheme that remained secret from most, an indescribable joy surged within you at being chosen by him.

Robb then leaned slightly towards you, his voice barely audible above the hushed chatter. "I hope I picked the right trout," he murmured to you, a glint of worry in his eyes.

"There is only the one, my King," you reassured him with a small smile and breathed out once everyone went back to their seats - even the women, which gave you the greatest hope of there not being a massacre tonight. "Though if I find out anything that will hurt you or your... uh, friend, I will give you a signal and lots of likeminded trouts will help."

Robb nodded, his gaze fixed on yours. His eyes were the color of a stormy sky - deep, chilling, and deadly if challenged. Without breaking the eye contact, he whispered back, "I am looking forward to seeing what a school of like-minded trouts can do, thoug I hope I shall never feel the need to see them."

A hush fell over the room as Lord Walder straightened in his chair and clapped his hands together sharply. "Enough of these fish conversations," he barked, his voice echoing throughout the hall. "It's time to sit down for the feast. You're to be wed! My grandson shall be a King!"

As the guests began to shuffle towards their seats, you took Robb's arm and led him to the high table alongside Lord Walder and his newest wife. The woman, who was no more than a year older than you, was beautiful in a fragile kind of way. Her honey-coloured hair was bound up intricately with tiny pearls gleaming in between her locks. She shot you an encouraging smile as you both took your seats.

Throughout the feast that ensued, she would lean towards you from time to time, whispering coded words in your ear between bites of her meal or sips of her wine. "Remember," she once whispered casually as she spread some butter on her bread, "the pickles are of a dangerously spicy sort."

"Just the pickles?" You asked just as casually, keeping your gaze focused on your own plate.

She nodded subtly in response before turning her attention back to her own meal.

The night wore on with laughter and merriment filling the air beneath the vaulted ceilings of the hall. Everyone seemed at ease - even Robb appeared more relaxed now. However, underneath the surface, you were still fully ready to run. Your father was everything, but a honest man and nothing could fully guarantee your safety.

As the feast came to a close, Lord Walder rose to his feet with all the grace of a prowling cat despite his advanced years. "May I have your attention!" he bellowed, effectively silencing the chatter throughout the hall. He nodded his approval at the sudden quiet before turning his steely gaze towards you and Robb.

"It seems to me," he began, his voice carrying an uncanny edge that made the hair on your neck stand up. "That we're forgetting one important detail of this evening."

His gaze intensified as he continued, "These two lovebirds are yet to be wed!"

A murmur of agreement rippled through the crowd. You felt Robb stiffen beside you, but your father's newest wife pressed a reassuring hand on your arm. It was, after all, part of their ploy.

A frail old septon shuffled forward from among the crowd. The wrinkles on his face gathered into deep crevices as he smiled warmly at you and Robb. He held out a red silken ribbon - your symbol of unity in this farce of a marriage.

You found yourself whispering vows under his quiet instruction, your voice choked by anticipation and fear while Robb's steady and firm words only added another layer to your pounding heart.

"And now," Walder announced gleefully once you'd both spoken your vows. "Seal it with a kiss."

Robb hesitated for a moment before leaning in, his warm lips brushing against yours in a chaste but lingering kiss. The hall erupted in cheers, and for a fleeting moment, it felt real - like true love had finally found your side, yet you knew that this'd be a farce. But then again, what would a loveless marriage be against dozens of dead innocents?

"Take the lovers away! Undress them!", croaked Walder and grinned implishly as a mass of Frey girls came and picked Robb up. Silencing his prostest with the smallest of nods, you, in turn let yourself be carried by some Stark men.

The crowd of Stark men was like a sea of shadows, each figure blurred into the next by the dim candlelight. The soft murmur of their voices was punctuated by the occasional chuckle or whisper as they carried you away through a labyrinth of stone corridors. The cold, rough-hewn stones beneath your feet were a stark contrast to the warmth and merriment of the feasting hall. The ancient walls echoed with tales of grandeur and battle, each echo ringing in your ears as an ominous forewarning.

With each step, you felt your heart drumming wildly in your chest - this was unchartered territory, a dance with danger and uncertainty. You stole a glance at the jumbled mass of Frey girls disappearing with Robb into another corridor, his eyes locked onto yours for an infinitesimal second before he was swallowed by the throng.

You were ushered up a winding staircase, its spiralling steps leading you to a chamber high above the ground. The door creaked open to reveal a room bathed in soft moonlight. It wasn't chained and barred like the dungeons you'd feared, but rather adorned with silken tapestries depicting intricate hunting scenes.

A sigh of relief escaped your lips as you entered. The room felt strangely comforting with its high vaulted ceiling and large canopy bed draped in furs. A lone window overlooked rolling meadows bathed in silver moonlight, their serene beauty belying the uncertainty that lay ahead.

The Stark men began to undress you, their roughened hands deft yet respectful on your garments. Your heart pounded in your chest like a wild bird trapped in a cage and only stopped once Robb came into the room, dressed only in a sheet that was held up by your giggling sisters. He quickly excused his men and gave the girls the same, stern look.

"Good night, little fish!", "Have fun!" and "Make sure that you'll make a king tonight!" were their parting words as the filed out, giggling.

The heavy door shut behind them with a reverberating thud that echoed in the silence of the chamber. The echo faded, leaving only your heartbeat to fill the quiet space. You turned to face Robb, his striking blue eyes filled with an uncertainty that mirrored your own. The bronze-toned light of the hearth danced across his features and played in his hair, casting him somewhat divine in your sight.

His broad shoulders lifted and fell in a heavy sigh that seemed to shake the very air around you both. The silence hung between you two like a tangible veil as he slowly approached you.

"We needn't…" he began, his voice gravelly and low – softer than you'd ever heard it. Suddenly, all of his kingly stature seemed to melt away, leaving behind only a boy burdened by expectations.

"I know," you quickly cut in, eager to relieve him of his discomfort. "I could just…" You trailed off, suddenly aware of the crude absurdity of your plan. But you pressed on, forcing out the words as your cheeks burned with embarrassment. "... just scratch myself open…"

Robb's gaze flickered downward before snapping back up to meet yours, a horrified look crossing his face.

"I mean... people just want some proof… or else... or else there will be talk... we could pretend…” You stumbled over your words, unable to keep eye contact with him anymore.

A moment passed where only the crackling flames dared break the silence. Then Robb let out a soft chuckle, shaking his head slightly before he met your gaze again.

"You remind me why I chose you for this alliance," he said with a warmth in his voice that took you by surprise, his hand reaching out to gently cup your face. "You're willing to hurt yourself just to protect our farce, and the people we're sworn to protect."

His thumb swept across your cheekbone, drawing a shiver from you. There was honesty in his eyes - a rarity in this world of duplicity and deceit - and it was startling.

"You don't need to do that," Robb continued, the corners of his mouth curling up into a small smile. "We'll find another way. A better way." He let his hand drop, but the warmth lingered on your skin, spreading like wildfire through your body.

"Robb…" You began, but he cut you off with a shake of his head.

"No need for formalities," he said with a small grin, trying to lighten the mood. "We're married now, remember?"

He was attempting light-hearted banter – an attempt to alleviate the tension hanging thick between you two, and it was surprisingly endearing. Still though, unease crept back into your heart. After all, what other way could there be?

"But they will expect…" You started again.

"We'll be careful," he interrupted once more. "And we'll be smart. Let them think what they will."

A knock resounded at the door then – a single, harsh rap that echoed in the chamber and made both of you jump.

"Shall I pour the wine?" A thin voice floated in through the heavy oak door, belonging to an old servant woman probably sent by Lord Walder himself to see their progress.

"Yes," Robb called back after sharing an understanding glance with you.

The Lady came in and hobbled her way towards a small table, filling two cups with a cheap red wine, one that smelled more like a tincture than a lovely Dornish Red. To add to that, she set down a small dish of pickles. "If you do not manage to do your duties tonight, your Lady sends this dish to bring you back to your senses.

You began to panic slightly and nodded at her, doing your best to mime an innocent. Walking over to the small table, you dismissed her and quickly gave Robb his glass. As soon as the Lady went away again, you stripped and gulped down the beastly drink, positioning yourself on the bed like a bitch in heat.

Robb, for his part, wore a look of sheer surprise as he followed your unceremonious actions with wide eyes. He took a deep breath, setting his own glass down on the table beside him before he turned back to you. His cheeks were flushed a delicate pink - a stark contrast to his usual pale complexion - and he looked almost boyish under the soft candlelight.

"Please," he started, his voice rough in the quiet of the room, "You don't need to do this. Not like this." His gaze was steady and honest as it met yours, and his words tugged at your heartstrings.

But your mind was filled with vivid images of Lady Catelyn's tear-stained face and Rob's pregnant girlfriend - their lives hanging by the thinnest of threads because of you. You swallowed hard, pushing away the comforting warmth of his words. "We can't risk it Robb," you insisted. Your voice wavered despite your best efforts to keep it steady.

He sighed heavily, running a hand through his mop of auburn hair. But he made no move to stop you from lying back against the bed – your back cold against the rough fabric beneath you. He looked at you then – really looked at you – taking in your determined expression and your trembling hands.

For a moment, all was silent in the room - save for the crackling flames.

Then, without another word, he began to disrobe himself with an air of solemnity that felt too heavy for the occasion. He moved carefully, meticulously even, stopping momentarily to kick away his modesty sheet before he joined you on the bed.

"Lie on your back, Walderette. I needn't take you like an animal," he whispered solemnly as he made sure to keep his eyes on your face.

His voice was low and gentle, a tender lullaby whispered in the quiet of the night. It was an unexpected sweetness that only made your heart hurt with more force, your guilt gnawing away at you like a starved beast. But you nodded, complying with his request and shifting position, your heart pounding in your chest like a war drum.

A silence descended upon the room as he settled down beside you, his broad form dwarfing yours. His muscled arms propped him up as he leaned over you, his gaze never wavering from your face. You closed your eyes, your breath hitching as you felt the cool touch of his hands against the bare skin of your sides.

He stayed silent as his hands began to wander, their slow and deliberate movements adding an excruciating tension to the silence. He explored without hurry; his fingers ghosting over every rise and fall of your body as if committing it to memory.

You could feel the heat radiating off him – a feverish warmth that made goosebumps rise on your skin. Any other night, under any other circumstances, the feeling would've sent pleasing shivers down your spine.

"I…" you choked out, opening your eyes to find Robb hovering over you. His body pressed against yours in an almost comforting manner but it did nothing to dampen the guilt-ridden fear gnawing at your insides. "I… don't know what I'm doing," you admitted softly.

Robb's eyes darkened slightly at your confession but he gave you a small smile nonetheless. "It's alright," he whispered back reassuringly. "Neither do I, really. I've never... had to... take someone."

You blushed and gave him a shy smile. "I am not completely against it. Just... do whatever needs to be done and if we will not manage to create an heir, I am sure we will be able to do this... everything, under better circumtances."

“Are you sure about this?” he asked again, his voice barely more than a whisper. His eyes met yours, the steady gaze filled with an equal measure of fear and determination.

"Yes," you answered just as softly, your heart pounding in your chest. Despite your fear and uncertainty, you knew there was no other option. The lives of those you cared for were at stake. This was a small price to pay for their safety.

Robb nodded, his face a solemn mask. His eyes held yours, a lingering connection in the quiet room. He moved closer, laying his body against yours in a slow, deliberate manner. You could feel the warmth radiating from him, the rapid beats of his heart echoing your own.

"Close your eyes," he whispered, and you complied without question. His lips found yours then, a tender kiss that tasted of wine and apprehension. His lips moved against yours gently, coaxing you into a rhythm that was as haunting as it was comforting.

His hands moved up your sides, skimming past the sensitive skin of your torso to rest at the sides of your face. He pulled back slightly from the kiss, his breath warm against your cheek as he began to whisper words meant only for you. They were soft promises of safety and care; sweet nothings that melted your worries away like morning fog under the sun's rays.

In spite of the circumstances, the tension in the room dissipated at his gentle ministrations. Your body relaxed under his touch, fear and uncertainty replaced with a sense of security.

Then he was moving again, inch by agonizing inch. The heat of him was all-encompassing now; a comforting weight pressing down on you with each passing moment. You let out a gasp when he finally pushed forward – a soft sound drowned out by the crackling fire and rustle of fabric.

It was not painful nor pleasurable - merely an odd discomfort that became more bearable as Robb began to move with slow rhythm, whispering soothing words into your ear. His hands never left your body – one rested on the small of your back, the other cradling your face. His thumb stroked your cheekbone in small circles, drawing out a soothing pattern that almost lulled you into a trance.

The room had become warmer, or maybe it was just the heat radiating from Robb — every inch of his bare skin touching yours, filling your senses with his presence. You clung to him, hands clenched on his broad shoulders, fingers digging into his flesh as he moved with quiet determination. You kept your eyes closed, taking in every sensation, every small sound he made as time stretched thin between each heartbeat.

He smelled of wood smoke and winter air. A hint of the strong drink you both had shared still lingered on his breath mixed with the warm scent of his skin. Each breath he drew was a low sigh against your ear, a soft symphony playing under the rustle of linen and crackle of fire.

His movements remained slow and deliberate — no rush, no urgency. He was careful with you, maintaining a rhythm that was mindful and tender. His touch was gentle but firm, holding you close yet giving you space to breathe. His lips found your forehead once more, pressing a soft kiss there.

"Are you all right?" he asked softly once again, pulling back slightly to look at you. His voice was barely audible over the slow rhythm of his body and your combined breaths.

You opened your eyes to meet his gaze. His eyes held an intense mixture of concern and uncertainty, but also a strange form of peace, as if in this moment he had found some sense of purpose.

"I... am," you answered truthfully – Your body was tingling from the strange experience but there was no pain or discomfort anymore - only an odd sense of warmth... and maybe even something akin to contentment.

His gaze held yours, his expression softening at your words. A sigh of relief escaped him as he lowered his lips to meet yours again. His kiss was languid, unhurried, a complete contradiction to the rapid beating of your hearts.

He whispered your name between soft kisses and gentle touches, turning it into a sweet lullaby that danced with the crackling flames in the hearth.

Gradually, your world shrunk until it was made up of Robb alone—the rhythm of his breaths matching your own, his fingers tracing patterns on your skin, and his whispered words filling the silence. Time seemed to stretch on endlessly; seconds turning into minutes and minutes into hours as you lost yourself in him.

When he finally pulled back after depositing his hot spend in you, it was slow and deliberate. You felt a pang of loss as the warmth of his body disappeared only to be replaced by the cool air of the room. His fingers lingered on your skin for a moment longer before he moved them away too. He didn’t look at you as he rolled onto his side, putting some distance between you two.

It was understandable, you thought to yourself. His true love was outside, in th tents, worrying about her lover, the father of her babe.

For a long while, there was only silence in the room. You could still hear the faint sounds of Robb's steady breathing and feel his warmth beside you, but there was a sense of melancholy in the air that you couldn’t ignore.

The embers from the fire were slowly dying out and you knew that dawn was approaching; still, neither of you made any attempt to speak or move.

Eventually, Robb broke the silence, "I'm sorry..." His voice was barely audible over the dying embers. He turned towards you again, worry etched on his face, quickly wrapping the towel around himself.

"I don't know why I did that... I shouldn't have..."

His words hung in the air, heavy with regret. You turned your gaze to him, seeing the anguish painted across his face. The light from the dying fire cast a soft glow on his features, emphasizing the shadows of guilt etched deep within his eyes.

"It's okay..." you whispered, laying a hand gently on his arm. "It was necessary."

But even as the words left your lips, you couldn't help but feel a pang of sadness. You were both trapped in a situation neither of you wanted to be in. Each decision made out of obligation, not desire. It was a cruel reality, one that seemed determined to tear you both apart.

He looked at you then, his eyes searching yours for any sign of resentment or pain. When he found none, he let out a sigh, heavy with relief.

"I wish things were different," he said after a long silence, his voice barely audible over the crackling embers. "I wish we could choose our own paths."

You chewed your lower lip, contemplating his words. You knew what he meant. Your lives were dictated by forces beyond your control-- duty, responsibility and a looming war that threatened everything you held dear.

"We can't change what's already happened," you said quietly, meeting his gaze. "All we can do is move forward and make the best of what we have."

He nodded at your words although his expression remained pained. He reached out to take your hand into his own larger one and gave it a comforting squeeze.

"Thank you," he murmured softly, getting up and handing you your dress.

"No, thank you, my King," you said with a small smile. "Let us leave this horrid place."

#asas fics #robb stark #robb stark angst #robb stark smut #robb stark fanfiction #fanfiction #game of thrones #game of thrones fanfiction #asoiaf #asoiaf fanfiction

[yuesya]

I'm eager to hear your complaints about Fontaine's last story segment.

Haha Fontaine complaints! (Cracks knuckles)

Also: Spoilers ahoy! If you’re someone who plays Genshin Impact and has not finished the Fontaine archon quests, then I do not recommend reading any of this.

I’d also like to add: Fontaine’s main story definitely had some bright spots for me, and there were various scenes and tidbits that I enjoyed. That said, I also had several complaints by the end of it all. This entire thing also... got pretty lengthy, whoops.

… Anways! Without further ado:

1) Furina’s Trial

Personally, I am not a fan of the way that Furina’s trial was handled.

Firstly, the setup involved in luring Furina into their initial trap: The boat/house that was transported to the opera house courtroom. This was accomplished through psychological torment and manipulation, in which people were purposefully incited into targeting her.

When the walls eventually fall down around Furina and reveal her standing inside the stage of the courtroom, the Traveler has a line somewhere around there when she tells Furina that she had her last chance to come clean with her secrets to them, right before these walls came down. Here, I just wanted to ask –clearly there was already a full house in the audience seating, and they literally brought Furina onstage. Even if Furina did decide to come clean in those last few moments, what were they expecting to do? “… Hey everyone, sorry there’s no trial happening after all! You can all go home now, the show’s over!”

Moreover, the trial itself. Furina was driven into a corner and put on the spot, and she was publicly grilled and humiliated in front of an audience. The Primordial Seawater test was also… just, why would you do that? Bringing in a harmful substance and forcing someone to test it on themselves in front of an audience? Sure, it might’ve been diluted to a ‘safe’ level. But instead of just saying that and informing Furina that a Fontaine person would show corresponding symptoms anyways, Traveler & Navia chose to present it to Furina as a lethal substance. Aside from causing mental anguish, I fail to see the point of it.

“But this trial is necessary! Furina won’t tell us what’s going on otherwise.”

Alright, then let’s just commit to that. It’s necessary for everyone to take on an antagonistic role in order to drag Furina to court and make the truth come to light.

But can’t we still… address things, in the aftermath? You can argue that Traveler & co. were trying to act for the ‘greater good.’ The fate of Fontaine was at stake. Still, even if the tactics used in bringing Furina to court and trialing her were necessary, lying and manipulating and gaslighting someone is not the right thing to do.

Except does anyone properly acknowledge that in the aftermath? Is there anyone who admits that this is a terrible thing they’ve done, and makes that clear? Did anyone apologize to Furina for forcing her through such a traumatizing experience? (Side-eyes Paimon in Furina’s character quest.)

Nah, instead we just save a country and give ourselves a pat on the back for doing a great job.

Happy Ending!

2) Focalors’ Death

I want to preface this by saying that I understand Focalors is the Hydro Archon, so in order to get rid of the Hydro Throne her death was probably inevitable, from a godly perspective.

From a human perspective, however, Focalors is innocent. She was not the one who committed the original ‘sin’ of using the power of the Primordial Sea to turn Oceanids into pseudo-humans. And yet she is the one who must pay for it. The only resolution we have to this is that Furina now gets to live her life freely as a human. Now, it might just be me, but for all that Furina was split off and created from Focalors’ humanity, the two of them are essentially seem to be two separate, different beings.

3) Humans vs. Gods

Thematically, Fontaine’s story seems a little mismatched when compared with the other regions.

In Mondstadt, its people play an active role, as seen in how the Knights of Favonius (and Diluc) join Venti in helping Dvalin and restoring peace.

In Liyue, we see the people stepping out from the gods’ purview. With the ‘death’ of Rex Lapis, the Qixing declare that the age of humanity has come, and it’s the people of Liyue working together towards a new future.

Inazuma has people literally fighting a war and rebelling against their archon; in the end, Raiden hears the cries of her people and she is the one who changes, in response to her people’s hopes.

In Sumeru, Nahida is locked up by her people (the Sages) but also saved by her people (Alhaitham, Cyno, Nilou, etc.) And in the fight against false god!Scaramouche, Nahida connects the Traveler to her Akasha terminal (?) and literally uses the collective wisdom of all of Sumeru’s people to assist in the fight.

For all four of these regions, it’s the people who step up and play important roles in resolving their respective nations’ crises.

In Fontaine, we do see its people also tackling various problems –Navia with her Spina di Rosula, Wriothesley and his flying ship– but in regards to the most important issue that’s the ominous prophecy hanging over their heads?

Neuvillette, a Dragon Sovereign, is the one who saves Fontaine’s people from Primordial Seawater by turning them fully into regular humans. Focalors, the Hydro Archon, executes herself in order to give Neuvillette the power to do so –and that’s not even mentioning her meticulous plan to fool Celestia, and the 500 years of silent suffering that Furina endured.

Focalors’ sacrifice is essentially what saves Fontaine, in the end. Divine intervention.

4) Meropide Detective Arc

This is a lot more minor, but it feels like we spend a lot of time running in Meropide looking for clues and learning about useless things that didn’t play any significant role towards the main plot of the archon quest.

You spend days and days running around the prison, and in the end you find out it’s only important because Wriothesley wants to test your observational skills. My dude, that is really not the most important thing here!

Personally, I think Sigewinne’s thing with cooking suspicious-looking food would’ve made a better character quest than a side tangent in the main story. I don’t even remember what the betting ring was about anymore.

I think I would’ve liked a stronger focus on what we originally came there to look for –investigating Childe’s disappearance– which might’ve wrapped up the jail arc a lot quicker, true. But maybe we could’ve gone back and spent more time with Furina instead? Maybe discover for ourselves that Furina is hiding things, and talk to her more, get to know her better? … It would provide more context and an extra ‘oomph’ for the upcoming Furina Trial, at the very least.

5) Powerscaling?

Okay this is definitely a LOT more minor, but. Powerscaling. It feels like things just escalated very, very quickly in Fontaine.

Childe. We know he’s strong, we fought him back in Liyue. Except Neuvillette crushes him in his Abyss form in, what. Less than a second?

Eventually, we encounter Skirk at the end. We find out that the space whale responsibly for nearly destroying Fontaine is just her master’s “pet,” which implies a whole other level of terrifying power that exists out there, along with whatever faction Skirk happens to be a part of.

It would be cool if we get to learn about Skirk more in the future, but overall there seems to be a lot of higher power appearing after higher power in Fontaine. Maybe that's just me, though.

#QA #genshin impact #anyways #sorry for rambling hahaha #i had several gripes with fontaine's archon quest #that being said there were things that i liked #the case with girls disappearing and subsequently leading to the discovery of people dissolving into water? #definitely hit me when i saw it #navia's character was also well-written #except when she brought primordial seawater to furina's trial anyways #melus and silver protecting her even as oceanids was nicely done too #there were also cool cutscenes! #several cool cutscenes throughout fontaine storyline

[minijenn]

Jen Tortures Herself With Every Dreamworks Animated Movie Ever: Kung Fu Panda 2

Full disclosure, I haven't seen this movie or Kung Fu Panda 3 in years so I was excited to revisit the entire franchise again! And with good reason, because Kung Fu Panda 2 is fantastic! But... is it as legendary as the first movie? Well... let's get into it.

We pick up with Po, now fully settled into his role as the Dragon Warrior, when he and the Furious Five set off to Gongmen City to stop the evil Lord Shen from using a deadly new weapon to take over all of China. Along the way, Po discovers the secrets of his forgotten past and must find inner peace despite the pain that past may bring.

The story here is even more simple than the first, very much carrying the vibe of an adventure movie more than establishing this world and characters like the first film did. And I do like that about it, I like that we get Po and the Furious Five being together as a team for most of the movie, getting to see how they all play off each other now that they're an established team. But... I think this movie is a touch more... spectacle than its predecessor was. More fight scenes, more slapstick, more... things happening instead of getting to know, say any of the other Five (besides Tigress, who is still the most in focus among them) better. It's all done very well, but it still feels like the movie is padding itsself out with that just a touch.

The characters are all still great though. We get some really great development for Po here, along with his genuinely tragic backstory and how he learns to overcome the anguish losing his family at such a young age may bring. The Furious Five are also all still very fun, with some really great friendship moments between Po and Tigress in particular. As for our new characters, we have the Soothsayer, who is a really well-done wise elder type character who also lays the sass down on our villain. Speaking of which...

I'm just gonna say it. I think Lord Shen may be one of the greatest Dreamworks villains ever. Holy shit ya'll, this goddamn peacock is just... insane. He has a tragic backstory too, but it's of his own damn doing, he's utter unhinged and bloodthirsty, hilarious in his own haughty way, and his design is so fucking great, like how Dreamworks made a peacock of all things so sinster, I'll never know, but they sure as hell did.

Once again, the animation here is top notch, with even more beautiful stylization than the first. The colors pop so vibrantly and the kung fu scenes are an absolute feast to the eyes, as are the set pieces. The score is also utterly beautiful, a returning trend in this franchise, I've noticed, with both strong, punchy action tunes and stirring emotional melodies alike.

The humor here is still pretty strong, but I think it takes something of a back seat to the emotions. And golly, this story does have them, it's probably one of the heaviest movies Dreamworks has made yet (it opens on recounting a literal panda genocide, I mean). But it's message, about not dwelling in the past and that what matters is who you choose to be now is absolutely on par with the simple, beautiful wisdom of the first. And at the end of the day, it's a message I think Po and the audience learn in a perfectly poetic way.

So yeah, Kung Fu Panda 2 is absolutely wonderful. I still think I like the first Kung Fu Panda just a little more, mostly because I think its message (beliving something is special is what makes it special) strikes a cord with me just a little bit more. Even so, this was a great second step in what's one of Dreamworks' best franchises. I'm very excited to see what the third (and the upcoming fourth) have to offer.

Overall Rating: 9/10

Verdict: Killed by a gay peacock and his big boom boom canon

Previous Review (Megamind)

Next Review (Puss in Boots)

#jen watches #dreamworks watch #jen tortures herself with every dreamworks animated movie ever #kung fu panda #kung fu panda 2 #dreamworks

[moviemunchies]

Ah, yes, the del Toro Hellboy movie; it’s much better than that other attempt at making a Hellboy movie that came out in 2019. It’s a very del Toro movie, which means it’s not that faithful an adaptation of the original comics. Still, it’s close enough, and it’s a pretty good movie in its own right.

In World War II, Professor Broom leads an American military in thwarting Rasputin’s Nazi experiment to open a portal to the Ogrdu Jahad, the seven gods of chaos (just roll with it). They defeat Rasputin and his forces, but something does come through the portal: an infant Hellboy. He’s adopted by the Professor and the newly-formed Bureau of Paranormal Research and Defense (the BPRD). Aging much slower than an ordinary person, he of course becomes an agent of the BPRD and something of a cryptid to the general public. As he doesn’t really get along with his coworkers/handlers, Professor Broom hires FBI agent John Myers to work with him, and help introduce the audience to the world of the BPRD.

Except! Ohes noes! The Professor is dying! And Rasputin and his minions are back, raising up unkillable monsters and hoping to force Hellboy realize his destiny as Anung Un Rama, the Beast of Apocalypse.

There are several noticeable differences between Mike Mignola’s comic characters and del Toro’s versions of them. Hellboy being a grumpy young adult, rather than a serious investigator at this point comes to mind, as well as him being romantically interested in Liz. Abe is psychic now (a change which I actually kind of prefer?). Most of all though, the biggest change is that the BPRD is a secret organization, and Hellboy must hide from the public’s view, causing a lot of angst and conflict.

These are the hallmarks of a Guillermo del Toro picture: a monster who wants to be accepted by humanity, and can’t because humanity sucks sometimes. That’s not A Thing in the Hellboy comics, and it makes me understand why some comics fans don’t like these movies as much. That being said, apparently Mignola went into the the adaptation giving del Toro his blessing to do his own take on the world and characters. Also, this was my introduction to Hellboy (and I suspect that for many that’s the case as well), so I can’t really hold it against the movie too much.

Supposedly, according to TV Tropes at least, there is a Director’s Cut out there, and it develops the characters better than the theatrical cut. I have never seen anything about that, and I don’t know where I’d track that down, but let me know if you see that floating around!

There are some changes in the worldbuilding as well, like how the Ogdru Jahad are slightly different from how they appear in the comics. This is kind of excusable–the backstory and full explanation of their nature were things that Mignola knew, but hadn’t shared yet when the movie was in production. He actually decided to explain all of those in a comic story (“The Island”) when on set for this movie. So I can’t fault the movie for changing some of that.

Then again, there’s also the 2019 film, which tried to include a lot of the comics story and ended up being an overcrowded mess.

The special effects are… well, it’s a mixed bag. The practical effects, of which there are a lot, generally aged pretty well. You know you’re looking at something real when you’re looking at practical effects. The other effects are a little more hit-or-miss. It looks like del Toro realizes that the CGI wasn’t always as strong, as some of those weaker CGI images are in quick action shots, or in dark places, so that you don’t see it on screen for too long, or can’t make it out on screen, so it still works. Other things, like Liz’s flames, or when Hellboy electrocutes Samael–those are weaker effects and don’t hold up as well today.

Still, it’s overall a darn good movie. Even if it’s only a loose adaptation of the comics, it’s a solid, memorable story, with really good visuals and great scenes. Every action sequence is memorable and well-done. The characters are likable, the Plot is easy to follow, and the movie is loads of fun to watch.

Also it’s about a half-demon that’s been raised Catholic, which is a darn interesting premise by itself.

And Hellboy punches a robot ninja Nazi in the face. That’s pretty great.

So I suppose you should watch the movie.

#Hellboy #Movie Munchies #Guillermo del Toro #Ron Perlman

[daeyeol4you]

The Chay Rewatch

As part of my KP Rewatch, I’m going to be commenting on each episode and analyzing the different Chay scenes. He’s my favorite character, and I thought I’d put down my thoughts (as well as timestamps for his scenes) as a fun way to express that.

Ep 1 & 2 Chay Rewatch

Episode 3 - Enter Kim Stage Right

Time: 1:46 – 1:54 & 2:04-2:07 – Previously on, my greatest enemy and only ally

At least they used different clips this time

Where is my baby boi? Where is Chay? When will he return?

Ep 3 dives deeper into how screwed up all three of the major family boys are

Kinn can’t commit and is slowly falling for who Porsche is

Tankhun is hilarious, and his outfits are always a treasure trove of weird fashion. His trauma is so present even when he’s having fun. Tong plays him so well.

And then there’s Kim.

Time: 31:38 – 33:51 – Mysterious Balcony Man

The introduction to Kim is done is pieces, slowly feeding the audience. The storytelling carries on the amazing writing from episode 1. It’s a great way of showing that Kim may not be living in the compound or running things, but he’s one to watch out for (and maybe even fear). First, we hear Pete’s description of him back in ep 2 (that essentially states he’s dangerous and aloof while also setting up that his storyline isn’t going to connect to the family compound much) and then we hear his voice just before Big bows to someone offscreen. The build up tells the viewers that this new person, the one that we’ve been waiting for almost 3 episodes for, is powerful and to be feared. The colors of this scene are also noticeably darker as compared to the warmer tones used in the main family compound or the bright pink from Yok’s bar.

I adore the first shot we get of Kim. Standing with his back to the camera, he retains his air of mystery, but the metal fixtures on the glass doors make me think of a birdcage. He’s out of the compound, hell he’s even in the open air, but this shot shows that he’s just as trapped in the mafia world as his brothers despite the space he’s tried to create between himself and his family. He’s the songbird trapped in Korn’s game.

“Are you in the wrong place?” – Kim is so bitchy I love him. This is Kimhan Theerapanyakul, the third son. Before we even see his face, we get to know his arrogant and aloof side. Except do we? Kim immediately asks who is protecting his brother, and he knows enough about Kinn’s guards to know that Ken is the likely successor with Big injured. Kim’s emotions are always just under the surface. The only problem is no one digs deeper until we get to Porchay. Everyone is scared of Kim or just accepts the mask he shows them.

Kimlock Holmes makes his introduction. A new bodyguard with a suspicious background? Who’s been put on the security detail of both of his brothers? Big you might as well have wrapped this mystery with a bow. In all seriousness, Kim is protective of the few people he allows into his heart (though he will never ever tell them that), and this news would have put his brain on red alert because Kim will not tolerate any harm to his loved ones.

“Do you want one heartbroken song, huh?” – What a little bitch, again I love him. Kim sandwiches his concern for his brothers with two backhanded comments attacking Big. Kim (I’m going to let you all in on a secret) is very bad at hiding. His concern, his conspiracy board, his feelings for Chay, etc. This man is so lucky that everyone is a little scared of him and knows to keep away, or he’d be found out in an instant. (Also, only one Kim? After Chay blocks you, you’ll be writing a million. Love the foreshadowing to Kim’s inevitable heartbreak though. This show does do great set up for some of the storylines)

And then the scene ends without ever showing the viewer Kim’s face further drawing out the viewer’s introduction to Kim. Its honestly great set up for this character, and while he’s not the only one receiving this kind of drawn out treatment (hello Vegas in ep 2 with the hot assassin lady) his is done successfully. I remember first watching this show with no background at all wondering who the hell this guy is (I did have to rewatch the scenes to match the voices before I could connect mysterious balcony guy to WiK but that’s neither here nor there)

Kim’s outfit: Either costuming or Jeff really love themselves an oversized suit jacket. It makes Jeff look bigger than he actually is which works for the introduction of his character. Its also very different from his other outfits through the series. He’s dressed closer to the major family look with his suit jacket and darker color scheme. He still retains his idol status though making this one of the few looks that blend his two personas. I have a few theories about how Kim uses his different jackets as a shield to hide his real self, given the only times we see Kim not wearing his jackets is when he’s in his feelings about Chay (ie the warehouse scene, the fight in Yok’s bar, him recording the song, him crying over Chay’s polaroids), I’d say I’m close to being right

Still no Chay, but I will accept meeting his love interest during this Chay drought

Overall Chay Rating (Chrating): I’ll give this episode a D

There’s still no Chay, but we get a really great introduction to Kim which sets up Chay’s entire storyline. Thus, a slightly better grade. Episode 3 in general is better than episode 2 to me. Its not jamming a ton of character intros and wacky worldbuilding into the episode the same way Ep 2 does. We get a real introduction to Tankhun and Kim as well as the first sparks of KinnPorsche. I could have done without 2 party scenes in one ep (mainly because to me it makes them feel rushed), and it makes me as a viewer wonder when we’re going to get any real mafia action in the mafia romance story. But overall, I have one question... WHERE IS MY BABY BOI?!

#kprewatch2023 #ep 3 #kinnporsche #kinnporsche the series #porchay kittisawat #kim theerapanyakul #my ramblings

[maskedemerald]

Writer Q&A Tag

Took a while but thanks @pb-dot for the tag! It got a little long but I really enjoyed doing this!

What motivates you to write?

My mind is nearly always churning with ideas and stories. If I left them there they would stage a rebellion. No but really I'm motivated to write because I love telling stories. I want to share those stories with others where I can. I'm always my first target audience and if I like it then there is sure to be someone else out there.

A line/short snippet of your writing that you are most proud/happy of. If not maybe share a line of someone else's work that you love (just please credit them)

Picking a bit of my writing is hard. I have scenes that I really like in all of my WIPs but its hard to choose something. Right now with my focus on A Curiosity Piqued the bit I would like to share most is my opening. I just feel it really sets well the frame of mind Aelfraed is in at the start.

Aelfraed had been hearing the snapping of the metaphorical thread for weeks, the weight of years of pressure pulling on him. Stretching fibres fraying. He was about to break.

Which OC makes you smile every time you think/talk about them and what are they like?

I must betray Aelfraed right now, he isn't the character that makes me feel like this. It depends depends on the story. For A Curiosity Piqued it would be Ari but they don't show up for some time so Shhh... secrets. As for Magic Act I'd say it's Night. I love the mysterious over enthusiastic fae. I love how sinister they are without meaning to be and trying so hard to understand humans. Specifically Magician who they are currently helping to hide.

What process of writing do you enjoy the most?

The drafting process. I like the flow and creativity that is involved. I'm distinctly less fond of editing and unfortunately editing is where I am at the moment with the first A Curiosity Piqued novella. Maybe I can change hating editing this time!

What part of writing do you think you are the best at? (Yes stroke your own ego it's okay)

I think the thing I do best when I'm writing is getting in the heads of characters. I find when I get really into a character's head for a scene the writing flows. My favorite though are the existential crises, if I haven't given a protagonist one its more I haven't given them one yet!

What is something in the writeblr community is most enjoyable?

Honestly the tag games and asks. I love getting a tag or a question. It reminds me to talk about my project rather than just hide in a corner and write. It also sometimes has me thinking about things I hadn't considered before for a project!

Seriously I'll always be happy to see an ask or tag even if it takes me a while to get to it!

A writing tool/device you use that helps you with writing? (It could be speech to text, a writing program etc)

I know a lot of people here will be mentioning Scrivener. Scrivener is great and I love using it but I really want to talk about the notebooks I use for discovery drafts. When it comes to the very very first draft of a story before I even have a proper outline I like to pick out a nice notebook that has something about it that feels inspiring for the story. Basically pretty notebooks inspire me and give me some feel for the mood of the story too. It also means I write with a certain level of no taking back what I have written which is great for fighting through that first draft. Once I've got that go with the flow stage done things get digital for making a proper outlined first draft.

A piece of worldbuilding that you like in your own story? (It could be the magic system, a particular place in the story, a law etc)

The thing is I love world building, I could probably answer this for all the WIPs I have shoved under the rug in the corner that I have to keep sweeping back under if I want to focus on my main ones.

For A Curiosity Piqued it would have to be the magic system. I wanted a system with hard rules about what can be done and how, while still having a sense of mystery. That comes from treating it as a science. The society is experimenting and learning how magic works while also learning how other sciences work so that they can use that in their magic. The rule at its most basic is you have to have an understanding of how it works to do it magically. Traditional healing magic can seal a cut because they've seen it happen over time and know what helps. More advanced healing magic needs knowledge of the science of how the body heals that deeper or larger injury what the blood does, what the cells do, etc.

What piece of advice would you say to encourage others to write if they are having a rough patch?

Don't be afraid to take breaks if you need them, burning out will not help.

Pick something in your project that makes you smile and write that next. Not got any. Drabble with your characters with tropes that make you smile. Like found family? Write a fluffy scene of your characters all together. It doesn't have to be something you use later just something to get you smiling about your project again. Get creativity flowing and the like.

It won't work for everyone but this it what helps for me when I'm struggling to find the motivation to write for a specific project.

Tag some people whose works you love/have been your biggest supporters

I smile when I see posts from @pb-dot , @scribe-of-stories , @jasperygrace , @card-queen and @squarebracket-trick I love reading about their work, the snippets they post and the talk about the writing process. I would recommend checking out their blogs and dropping them a follow!

Gently no pressure tagging the people above if they haven't already done this. I'd always love to hear more about what you are creating and the process! Also to anyone else that wants to do this!

#writing #creative writing #writeblr community #writeblr

[ultrahpfan5blog]

Spider-man: Across the Spider-verse is a dazzling and entertaining delight....

Having watched the film over the weekend, I wanted to sit down and digest it a bit and let the initial euphoria of the movie dissolve to give a more objective opinion. This film is undoubtedly a blast. Incredibly fun, with characters that you genuinely like, with breathtaking animation to boot. I remember Into the Spider-verse was an unexpected treat back in 2018. I watched it late at night in an almost empty theater, and I was similarly mesmerized at that time. Its tough for me to rank ATSV against ITSV, because the latter is the reason for the former. ASTV is much grander than ITSV, and uses multiple art styles to depict the different universes. However, ASTV is also a part of a whole while ITSV is a complete movie on its own. That isn't a major ding on ASTV, but definitely you don't get the narrative satisfaction of a complete product from the movie, even though I feel there are definitely story arcs for Miles, Gwen, and even Peter B, which do come full circle by the end of the film.

The way I see it, there are 3 types of multi parters. One is where the first part acts as an individual movie, where character and story arcs are completed and new ones are set up for the next film, like in Infinity War, which was a definitive conclusion of Thanos' journey to balance the universe by getting all the infinity stones. The second is where neither character nor story arcs are completed, and the film is left on a cliffhanger, similar to how Fast X did it a few weeks ago. The third is where character arcs are completed by story arcs are not. This third category is where ATSV lands. Without spoiling anything, it feels like Miles reaches a definitive point in his development. Gwen does too. But the primary villain and the story conflict are still to be resolved, and new story points are introduced towards the end of the movie.

The artwork in this movie is just stunning. The work for Gwen's world, with the watercolor effect and colors changing based on mood of the characters, looks magical on screen. Miles' world retains that comic aesthetic from the first film. But the main villain, Spot, is another artistic wonder. I also loved the escalation of the character. He starts off as a bit of a joke, but he slowly gets weirder and creepier, both in character and design, to the point where he's an incredibly powerful villain by the end. The artwork in Mumbatten is also lovely, as is the work done on Spider-punk. The film introduces many new characters, and all of them are appealing. Both Spider-man India and Spinder-Punk are immensely likable. Miguel is a character who you both love and hate. There is a lot of mystery around the character and I think there are many secrets to be unveiled in the next movie when it comes to him.

All the returning characters are fantastic. Miles of course is at the center of the film and he's a hero that we can genuinely root for. Gwen is almost a co-lead in this film and the film expands on her past and her relationship with Miles and her father quite a lot. She makes a lot of mistakes in the film, but the audience is always empathetic to her plight. Both of Miles' parents are vital characters in this film. While the father was great in ITSV, in this movie, Miles' mom is also a crucial character. That family unity is very loving and believable. I do think the film spends a little too much time at times, going over the dynamics and issues the parents are having with Miles, but the characters are great. Peter B. Parker, who was my favorite character from ITSV, has a reduced role, but he does have some vital scenes. Like Gwen, he also does a few things which are misguided, but given the context of his life, it makes sense. There is a conversation between Peter and MJ towards the end of the film about parenting. I didn't realize it at the time, but I later understood that he was essentially talking about how to correct mistakes and adjust course.

The voice acting is superb, with Shameik Moore as Miles, Hailey Steinfeld as Gwen, Jake Johnson as Peter B, Jason Schwartzman as the Spot, Oscar Isaac as Miguel, Brian Tyree Henry as Jeff Morales, and Luna Lauren Valez as Rio Morales being the standouts. All in all, this is a superb film that is worth watching and lives up to ITSV, in some ways surpasses it, some ways is just below it, but is always entertaining. A 9/10.

#across the spiderverse #spider man: across the spider verse #spiderman across the spiderverse #miles morales #peter b parker #gwen stacy #miguel o'hara #the spot #shameik moore #hailey steinfeld #jake johnson #oscar isaac #jason schwartzman #brian tyree henry #luna lauren velez #spider punk #spider man india #into the spider verse

[gnomebud]

eulie can i ask you to pitch trigun to me. i know nothing about it other than 1. blonde guy with cool red jacket. 2. bigolas dickolas? it sounds interesting and i see it everywhere- what do you like about it? is it a movie? tv show? help

[cracks knuckles] hi emma i'm finally done with finals and moving out and am home and ready to answer this. okay so

elevator trigun pitches:

the most pathetic guy you've ever seen goes through the horrors in a big desert. there's big worms and cowboys and cosmic body horror and guns

two insurance agents/reporters are having the weirdest job assignment of their life following around a walking natural disaster

aforementioned insurance agents:

wow! can one man really have allegories for this many people from the bible? you bet!

gay people on a couch

the transmascs stay winning fancam

knives? like, millions? (-- @whale-blanket)

the kindest guy you've ever seen is so determined to be kind even when everyone else wants him not to be

ok. actual reply. blond guy with cool red jacket is vash the stampede, the main character of trigun! he is a very good guy who is committed to pacifism and is constantly going through the horrors because of um. an evil twin brother (it’s complicated). he's joined by two insurance girls who are trying to keep him from doing more damage than he normally accidentally causes (or, in trigun stampede, two reporters) and a totally normal priest with a totally normal cross.

trigun is a manga (also referred to as trigun maximum bc most of the volumes are published under that title) that has been adapted into two anime: the first is the '98 trigun that aired before most of the manga was released and the second is trigun stampede, which is probably largely what you have seen me posting and which had its first season air this year! i mostly really care about trigun stampede and trigun maximum!

bigolas dickolas refers to nicholas d wolfwood who is one of the characters of all time. i'm normal about him. he's a totally normal priest/undertaker with a totally normal cross. he doesn't have secrets at all. don't worry about it. it also refers to twitter user maskofbun's tweet about this is how you lose the time war that managed to skyrocket the novel to best-selling again by sheer virtue of their audience of trigun enjoyers buying it

i got into trigun stampede as it was airing and got to watch new episodes with friends, which was really really fun, and i think it's a great introduction to the whole canon! stampede rearranges a lot of stuff from trigun maximum but does so in a really fun way. it's a little confusing at first but a really fun time! and the music is incredible! i was literally motivated to watch the first ep by the transmascs stay winning fancam -- took one look at that guy and was like i need to know everything about him. vash is possibly the blorbo of all time. once stampede s1 ended i read all of trigun & trigun maximum (trigun overhaul on tumblr is the place to do that if you're interested!) and absolutely fell in love with the whole thing even more. trigun has really interesting stuff about violence, humanity, family, love, what it means to be a monster, etc. that made me love it SO much. and the art is so so so cool! even if fight scenes are kind of incomprehensible. every character in trigun is so interesting and the whole story is so cool and makes me SO sad and contemplative. it's been the only thing in my brain for nearly 6 months. trigun...

in short: watch trigun stampede ! extremely good animation, cool intro to trigun, great music, and there is a guy with millions of knives. it's a space western! it's scifi! it's weird! you get to be endlessly sad about some guys! yay!

#answers #this is so long and i still feel like it makes no sense <3 happy to elaborate #thank you for asking emma ily i love to talk about trigun...... #i didn't really talk about the 98 anime in here bc it's kind of its own thing... aired before most of trimax was out #a lot of people are very fond of it and i get it but after seeing stampede and reading trimax i did not really like it at all #it has some funny bits but not my jam mostly #trigun stampede is really really good #trigun maximum is even better!!!!

[twistedtummies2]

Top 12 Characters from FOX’s Sleepy Hollow

Halloween may have ended the day before yesterday, but I wanted to give the spooky season one last hurrah! I recently did a couple of lists related to characters from Washington Irving’s classic tale “The Legend of Sleepy Hollow.” I’ve been on a Sleepy Hollow kick lately, for a few reasons…and due to this “kick,” I decided it was time to revisit the somewhat controversial FOX TV Series simply called “Sleepy Hollow.” When the show first came out, I actually only got part of the way through Season One before I stopped watching it; at the time, I had a lot of other things eating up my attention, and I think I was also a little more closed-minded towards the drastic reinventions this series put forth.

After revisiting the show in the past couple months, I found a new sort of love and respect for it. It’s not a perfect series, mind you, but I think the mixture of my love of the source material and the excellent performances from the actors, above all else, pull it through. The show is a supernatural crime drama, similar to things like “Supernatural,” “Lucifer,” or “The X-Files.” The series focuses on Ichabod Crane - a dashing Revolutionary War hero, in this version of the story - solving a variety of strange crimes in the modern day. From witches to demons to figures from mythology - and, of course, the Headless Horseman - the show had a lot of really wonderful characters and creatures on display. I decided it would be fun to count down some of my favorite characters from the series overall, in honor of All Hallows Eve (or, given today’s date, Dia de los Muertos; take your pick). Because not only did this show have great reimaginings of the characters from the Washington Irving legend, but also a fine array of original characters unique to this interpretation. They all deserve to be recognized. So, without further ado…here are my personal Top 12 Characters from FOX’s Sleepy Hollow.

12. Jake Wells & Alex Norwood.

These two characters debuted in the show’s fourth and final season. I’m just going to state outright: in my opinion, Season 4 was the worst season of the show. On its own terms, it wasn’t necessarily all that bad, but I think it tried to do a few too many things at once, and changed up the formula of the series in a few too many ways. When you compare to the prior three seasons, it stands out as the weakest link, in my opinion. One of the issues this season had was that it had a whole new cast of major characters we’d never met before, which meant a whole new set of relationships, personalities, and performances for the audience to get used to. Thankfully, most of these characters were pretty strong. Case in point: Jake Wells and Alex Norwood, two eccentric history buffs who work as the chief operatives for Agency 355: a secretive part of the FBI that investigates supernatural phenomenon. Jake and Alex I always saw as a duo, first and foremost, hence why I decided to include them together here. Jake is a dorky, geeky fellow who has read more books on history, and done more research into the paranormal, than almost anyone else; his knowledge on both subjects almost rivals that of Ichabod himself, and he is eager to prove his worth as a hero when he realizes his true calling. Alex, meanwhile, is a snarky, sneaky weapons expert fascinated with ancient technology and cursed objects; she’s actually a bit more skeptical than Jake, but she goes along for the ride. Alex also has a hidden crush on Jake, who naturally remains totally oblivious. These two were just a fun pair to watch in action, and many of the funniest moments in the final season came from their interactions.

11. Jobe.

While Season 4 may have had a lot of problems, one thing I almost unconditionally loved about it was its villains; most notably its two main antagonists. One of those antagonists is Jobe. It’s unclear if “Jobe” is actually his true name or not, but regardless, Jobe is a Mephistophelean sort of figure: a high-ranking demon who has become the personal bodyguard and assistant of the season’s main villain, Malcolm Dreyfuss. Dreyfuss made a deal with the devil years ago, part of that bargain being that Jobe would faithfully serve him until Dreyfuss’ death. However, Dreyfuss’ plans to gain immortality put that exact bargain at risk, and Jobe is thus in danger of potentially becoming a pawn in the mortal man’s game forever. There’s an interesting contrast with Jobe’s relationship with Dreyfuss; Malcolm relies on the demon constantly, and goes to great lengths to help him out, and Jobe will do just about anything Malcolm demands. At times, one could almost believe the two were friendly with each other…but it eventually becomes clear that Jobe is NOT Malcolm’s friend. He’s simply fulfilling the contract’s stipulations to the letter. While he does not approve of the loophole being used, there’s nothing he can really do about it…aside from finding his own loopholes to try and sabotage the scheme.

10. Katrina Van Tassel.

A.k.a. Katrina Crane. In this version, she and Ichabod actually get married, so which surname you use can be interchangeable. I call her “Van Tassel” simply because that’s the character’s name in the original story. ANYWAY: Katrina was a major figure in the first two seasons of the show; in many ways, she is the catalyst for a lot of the action that goes on in the series. It’s revealed that Katrina is a witch who was secretly working with American Revolutionaries. It was partially due to her influence that Ichabod defected from the British side of the conflict, and the two were eventually wed. For the first season and a half, Katrina is one of the main protagonists…but, in the latter part of season two - for various reasons - the character falls to the dark side, going from a good and noble enchantress to a truly wicked witch. I’ve always felt sort of conflicted about this portrayal of Katrina; my biggest issue is that, for that first season and a half, the writers couldn’t seem to make up their minds if Katrina was meant to be a strong, independent, powerful woman and role model…or a rather silly damsel in distress. On the one hand, she’s quite literally got a ton of power as a witch, and she’s a skilled manipulator in her own way…but on the other hand, most of her time before we get to her descending arc is spent with Ichabod trying to save her, and it gets old fast. Having said that, I honestly think she became a much more interesting character in the second half of season two, with her descent into darkness story arc; the tension of love and anger between herself and Ichabod, not to mention the other characters, made for some dramatic moments, and her motivations and goals as an antagonist were really quite interesting. She got more chances to actually SHOW her strength as a character, helping Ichabod on cases in the early parts of Season 2B, and then shifting and turning her coat as the arc went on. Actress Katia Winter really helps sell the character, and while I may have some issues with the way she’s written, she’s still an important and iconic figure in the series.

9. Diana Thomas.

Yet another character from Season 4. Played by Janina Gavankar, Diana had a really tough gig to follow: for the first three seasons, the two main characters of the show had been Ichabod Crane and “Leftenant” Abbie Mills. However, due to issues with the creative team behind the scenes, Nicole Baharie - Abbie’s actress - decided it was time to leave the show. Rather than end the series with Abbie’s death, however, the writers decided to provide Ichabod with a new modern detective to join forces with, and invent a new “Second Witness” as well. This is where Agent Diana Thomas of the FBI comes in: much like Abbie, she meets Ichabod when her own partner and her boss end up killed by a demonic entity. From that point on, the two become entangled, as Ichabod helps Agent Thomas with a variety of cases not in Sleepy Hollow, but in Washington D.C. itself. At first, we believe that Diana must be the new Second Witness…but instead, it’s revealed that Diana is a mother, and it’s her ten year old daughter, Molly, who is the Second Witness. Diana effectively tries to become a crusader for her own offspring, fighting the battles Molly is too young to fight, and trying to find some way to balance her duties as a mother, a member of law enforcement, and part of a secret war against Hell itself all together. While following on the heels of “The Leftenant” wasn’t exactly an easy task, I actually think Diana pulls it off: her own relationship with Ichabod hits some of the same beats, but her character and setup is unique enough to make her interesting and fun in her own right. The way things develop between herself, Molly, and Ichabod is also quite engaging; if the show had gone on longer, she might have ranked more highly here.

8. Nick Hawley.

It’s weird that this character ranks so highly for me, because - much like the Season 4 cast - this was a character who only appeared for a single season. And unlike most of the S4 cast I’m covering here, he WASN’T a series main during his tenure. I guess one could just argue that character is simply that strong. Nick Hawley, a.k.a. “The Privateer” (as Ichabod likes to call him), is a self-proclaimed treasure hunter. He seeks out rare and mysterious artifacts and items, which usually have some kind of supernatural or mythological tale behind them, and then sells them off either to private buyers or simply to the highest bidder he can find. Hawley is a modern-day pirate: while not completely without scruples, he cares most chiefly about his own health and finances, which makes him an unpredictable, anti-heroic figure for the season. He’s smart, he’s capable, and he’s a great ally to have when you have him…but he’s not above leaving people behind in the lurch when it suits him best, and he even acted as an enemy once or twice to the main heroes, whenever his clients weren’t exactly friendly souls. He was a major figure in Season 2, and he got richer and richer as the season went on…but unfortunately, this was the only season Hawley appeared in. His story effectively remains unfinished, since his departure from the show saw him planning to actively hunt down his own adoptive mother (who had become a demon…it happens). We never saw Hawley again, so we have no idea how his adventures on that front turned out. I had a feeling they MIGHT have been considering using the character in future seasons, but for one reason or another that never happened, either because the show was canceled before such a thing could occur, or because the actor just wasn’t available. Whatever the case, he was a fun figure who brought a sense of mercenary chaos to the program, and his time in the series, while short, was truly unforgettable.

7. Malcolm Dreyfuss.

Like I said, in my opinion, the best part of Season 4 had to be the villains. Chiefest among them is Malcolm Dreyfuss, the main antagonist for the show’s final season arc. Dreyfuss is a character who feels like something straight out of a comic book, and I mean that in the best possible way: he’s an eccentric, half-mad tech mogul, with a flamboyant, sleazy sort of personality. He feels like he’s somewhere between a mad scientist and a used car salesman. It was a unique personality for a main villain in the show to have; most of the main villains before were more serious, stoic, sinister characters; hyper-powerful beings who controlled legions of Hellspawn and could kill you with a look. Dreyfuss is the exact opposite: he’s just a guy. A very, VERY bad guy with a lot of ambition and a lot of money. In fact, at times Dreyfuss is quite pathetic; one of my favorite elements of this character is that, despite all his theatricality and high-flying schemes of grandeur, there are so many times where the vulnerability and fearful status of Dreyfuss’ position comes into play. Whenever someone sees right through him, so to speak, he goes from a criminal mastermind to a whimpering child, and it’s equal parts funny and kind of sad to see this character fall so low. While he’s an awful creature, he’s also highly entertaining, and his reasons for his evil deeds are actually somewhat sympathetic: this is a man who lived his life in the shadows for so long, and desires to finally be in the spotlight. I think that’s a concept we can all relate to. The season as a whole may not have been the best, but Dreyfuss is a great villain who made for some of the most memorable moments in the final arc of the show.

6. Frank Irving.

Played by the inimitable Orlando Jones, Captain Frank Irving was one of the main characters in the first two seasons; I can’t help but wonder whether or not it’s merely coincidence that, in my opinion, the latter two seasons - where he was NOT present - were the least grand of the series as a whole. In any case, Irving, for the first half of season one, starts off as a pretty standard sort of “doubting police official” character. While he isn’t a bad person, he doubts in all of the supernatural and fantastical explanations Ichabod and Abbie try to give him for the various crimes they face. It isn’t until his own close encounter with the Headless Horseman that Captain Irving becomes a more active member of the team, as he realizes the war with evil is very real, and far more bizarre than he ever gave it credit. That war hits close to home when a demon actually possesses his daughter; an event that causes endless dismay for Irving, and sets in motion many of the struggles he faces for the rest of his time in the show. Seeing Captain Irving’s transition from a tough-as-nails doubter to an increasingly more tragic and complex character entangled in a web of danger made for an interesting story arc. The lengths he’ll go to in order to keep his family safe are only matched by his tenacity on the battlefield, and the many twists and turns his own private side of the story faced made for some of the most intense parts of the show. It’s really a shame that, after Season 2, we never saw him again, or even got much mention of where he was and what was going on in his life.

5. Henry Parrish.

Played by the Scarecrow himself, John Noble (or Denethor himself, for you Lord of the Rings fans), Henry Parrish was one of the main antagonists in the first two seasons of Sleepy Hollow. In fact, in Season 2, he basically acted as the main villain, outranking even the Headless Horseman himself! When we first meet Henry, he is a somewhat neurotic, mild-mannered fellow, suffering under a great burden: Henry is a Sin Eater, someone who can physically absorb people’s sins into his own body, a fact that seems to torment him constantly. As the series goes on, he comes out more and more as a worthy ally to the main team…but it’s ultimately revealed that Henry is actually the master manipulator behind many of the things that have gone wrong in the season up to that point. Henry, you see, is actually Ichabod’s own son, Jeremy Crane; abandoned by his mother as a child while Ichabod was still in the crane, Jeremy grew up hated and feared, and was eventually - like Ichabod himself - buried in a state of suspended animation, only to be reawakened years later, and years before his father (hence why the son is physically older than the father; he’s had more time to age). But while Ichabod rose from the dead as a force for good, Jeremy - renaming himself “Henry Parrish” - has become a force for evil: he is the Horseman of War, one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, and a servant of the arch-demon Moloch, whom he sees as his “real” father. John Noble plays the character to perfection, and despite his ultimate defeat in Season 2, Henry would actually be one of the few characters to see the show to the end: he returned a few times in Season 4, first in a nightmare Ichabod has while under the influence of a monster, and then for real in the last couple episodes of the show, teaming up with Malcolm Dreyfuss, as well as hiss old compatriot, the Headless Horseman. Speaking of…

4. The Headless Horseman.

I mean…it’s Sleepy Hollow. So of COURSE the Headless Horseman is going to be in the Top 5 here. In fact, some of you are probably wondering why the Horseman isn’t in the Top Three! How could the HEADLESS HORSEMAN not make the top three in SLEEPY HOLLOW?! Well…I’ll get to that in a bit, but first, let’s go over the positives. In this series, the Horseman is revealed to be another of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse: specifically, he is the Horseman of Death. And, being the Horseman of Death, he cannot truly die, no matter what happens. As a result of this, even as other villains came and went throughout the show, the Horseman stuck around: alongside Ichabod and Jenny Mills (more on them later), the Headless Horseman is the ONLY major character in the series who appears in all three seasons. While he didn’t show up in every single episode, every time the Horseman DID appear, it was a big deal, which made his appearances all the more special; you knew bad stuff was going down in the Hollow when Death rode into town. I also appreciate that the series actually went out of its way to make the Horseman a real character, with a proper true identity, backstory, and personality…at least at first. This is where the problem with the Horseman, and why he isn’t in the top three, comes into play: in the first two seasons, the Horseman is handled EXTREMELY well…but in Season 3, the character only appeared twice. First in a cameo in the opening…and then in a more prominent part in the season finale. That’s it! We never see or even get much reference to him anywhere else! In a show called SLEEPY HOLLOW, it was kind of shocking that such an iconic figure was almost nowhere to be found, especially after his huge level of importance in the prior two seasons. In Season 4, the character had a more prominent role - acting as a tertiary antagonist after Malcolm and Jobe, with at least as many appearances as he had in Season 1 - but the actual character took a HUGE step back. He basically just became a faceless monster; that’s not necessarily a bad thing, since most versions of the Horseman are that, but a big part of what made the first two seasons and their handling of the Horseman so great was that they DID give him more real character and development. Season 4 really watered down the character, and felt like a missed opportunity as a result. There were lots of places where all that established lore and personality could have been utilized, and it just never really was. Having said all that…it was still really cool to see the Horseman anytime he appeared, and the fact he lasted till the end is definitely a credit to the ghost’s power. Also, I guess one CAN technically say he was in EVERY episode, since the opening titles for every season featured the Horseman…but I think that’s pushing it a bit. Anyway, great version of this classic horror icon, and easily my favorite villain from the series…but not great enough, within the show’s own setup, to make the top three.

3. Abbie Mills.

Abbie Mills, a.k.a. “The Leftenant,” was the secondary protagonist of Sleepy Hollow for the first three seasons. And unlike with Captain Irving, it’s no coincidence at all that the show’s biggest decline happened courtesy of her departure. Abbie is an ambitious police officer at the start of the show, with a checkered past; as a child, she encountered supernatural evil at a young age, something she has tried to deny all her life. Tragic events in her past led Abbie to becoming a petty thief, but - with the help of her mentor, Sheriff August Corbin - she eventually found her calling in law enforcement. In Season 3, Abbie went from being a simple police lieutenant to an agent of the FBI, stationed in New York, which kept her close to home, so to speak, while still allowing the character to advance and shake up the formula a bit. Abbie was a fun character; her relationship with Ichabod was one of purest friendship. There is no romance between them, yet they are as close as two human beings can be; as Ichabod describes in the “Bones” crossover episode (yes, that was a thing), they are a relationship of pure opposites. Ichabod is a quirky, theatrical, grandiose figure out of place and out of time, given to grandiloquent phrases and speeches and constantly prattling off trivia about a past he lived; Abbie is a more down-to-Earth, grounded person who takes things more easily in her stride, but is still open to having her horizons broadened. Both often feel alone in the world, due to various personal tragedies they’ve faced and mysteries they have yet to figure out, but at the end of the day, they always have each other. At times they may bicker and banter, but the chemistry between them is pure gold. When “The Leftenant” finally did leave the show, she went out like a hero - sacrificing everything to save her friends, her family, and the world itself - which was just the proper sendoff her character deserved. One only wishes she never had to leave at all.

2. Jenny Mills.

While Jenny Mills was never the secondary protagonist in ANY season, she was, effectively, the tertiary protagonist of EVERY season. Like I said before, she was one of only three major characters in the show to appear in every single season, practically from start to finish. (The only other two were Ichabod Crane and the Headless Horseman, and…let’s face it, in a show called “Sleepy Hollow,” it would have been more amazing if those two DIDN’T show up every single season.) At the start of the show, Jenny is Abbie’s estranged sister; a notorious delinquent who has spent much of her life in-and-out of the local mental hospital. It’s later revealed that all that time “out” of the hospital was spent with Jenny running various secret missions for Sheriff Corbin, who knew all along that the Apocalypse was night, and helped Jenny out when she was possessed by a demon during her adventures. As the show goes on, Jenny became a more and more interesting and important character, and even after Abbie and so many other characters who had played such a big part in the series for the first three seasons disappeared, Jenny stayed on right to the last episode. Jenny is just a bad@$$, plain and simple: she’s not as straight-laced as her sister, much more trigger-happy and far less lawful. She’s essentially a treasure hunter; a low-budget Indiana Jones who works from a trailer rather than a university. In many ways, she is a lot like Nick Hawley; but while Hawley fights for himself above all other things, Jenny believes in a bigger plan, and is simply trying to find her place in it. Because she lasted so long in the series, we got to see Jenny interact with more characters and form more relationships than almost any other in the show, barring Ichabod himself; and as the show progressed, and her role increased, we saw Jenny mature and become more and more independent. The final season indicated that she was actually planning to leave “Team Witness” and go off on her own, no doubt preluding the actress’ departure; I’m actually sort of glad this DIDN’T happen, only because it meant that the character did remain a firm anchor all the way to the end of the ride. Having said that, it would have been interesting to see how Jenny and the show would have fared if this had; this is a character so strong that I actually would have loved to see an entire series JUST about her, and that’s high praise indeed.

1. Ichabod Crane.

For some, it’s probably an obvious no brainer to put the main character at the top of the ranks. However, in all honesty, I would argue it’s more surprising to do so, since - as we all know - the MAIN character of any series isn’t necessarily one’s FAVORITE, nor the BEST. But in the case of “Sleepy Hollow”...there is no question, this is just a case where the central protagonist is my favorite. I think a lot of the credit goes to the actor, Tom Mison: while the character he plays owes precious little to Washington Irving’s spindly schoolmaster, something about the personality he gives Ichabod, and the way Mison looks, in general, just feels so much like it captures the basic DNA of the character we all know and love, while adding something brand new and utterly fascinating to the mix. Much of the humor from the series comes from Ichabod’s “fish out of water” status - a man from a past long-misunderstood, stuck in a future-present he is still struggling to fully understand. At the same time, much of the pathos for the character comes from the same place: a constant theme in the series is Ichabod constantly battling between the sense of being alone in the universe, and realizing that maybe he isn’t AS alone as he really thinks. Throughout the series, he loses allies, friends, family, and even loved ones…but through it all, he perseveres, and finds new people to assist him, as well as new enemies to combat. There is never a dull moment when Ichabod is onscreen, and that’s thankfully most of the show’s runtime, given his status as the main character. He is by no means my definitive take on the classic character, but he is a strong and interesting protagonist in his own right, and it’s easy to see why, when all else failed, you could count on Ichabod to keep people coming back to the show, over and over again. It’s really not a shock at all that Ichabod Crane is My Favorite Character from FOX’s Sleepy Hollow.

Honorable Mentions…

Sheriff August Corbin. (He’s played by Clancy Brown. ‘Nuff said.)

George Washington.

Benjamin Franklin.

Andy Brooks.

Betsy Ross.

#sleepy hollow #fox #tv #television #halloween #horror #mystery #crime #supernatural #list #countdown #top 12 #favorites #best #characters #ichabod crane #jenny mills #abbie mills #headless horseman #henry parrish #frank irving #malcolm dreyfuss #nick hawley #diana thomas #katrina van tassel #katrina crane #abraham van brunt #jobe #alex norwood #jake wells

[borntobecheap]

What drew Kevin's contempt was not, as I had seemed to imply, our patent incapacity to protect him from the Big Bad World. No, to Kevin it was the substance and not the ineffectuality of our taboos that was a joke.

Sex? Oh, he used it, when he discovered that I was afraid of it, or afraid of it in him, but otherwise? It was a bore. Don't take offense, for you and I did find great pleasure in one another, but sex is a bore. Like the Tool Box toys that Kevin spurned as a toddler, the round peg goes in the round hole. The secret is that there is no secret. In fact, plain fucking at his high school was so prevalent, and so quotidian, that I doubt it excited him Alternative round holes furnish a transient novelty whose illusoriness he would have seen right through.

As for violence, the secret is more of a cheap trick.

You remember, once we gave up on the rating system to see a few decent films, watching a video of Braveheart as, dare I say it, a family? In the final torture scene, Mel Gibson is stretched on a rack, all four limbs tied to the corners of the compass. Each time his English captors pulled the ropes tauter, the sisal groaned, and so did I. When the executioner thrust his barbed knife into Mel's bowel and ripped upward, I squeezed my palms to my temples and whinnied. But when I peeked through the crook of my arm at Kevin, his glance at the screen was blasé. The sour half cock of his mouth was his customary expression at rest. He wasn't precisely doing the Times crossword, but he was absently blacking in all the white squares with a felt-tip.

Cinematic carve-ups are only hard to handle if on some level you believe that these tortures are being done to you. In fact, it's ironic that these spectacles have such a wicked reputation among Bible thumpers, since gruesome special effects rely for their impact on their audience's positively Christian compulsion to walk in their neighbors' shoes. But Kevin had discovered the secret: not merely that it wasn't real, but that it wasn't him.

Over the years I observed Kevin watching decapitations, disembowel-ments, dismemberments, flayings, impalements, deoculations, and crucifixions, and I never saw him flinch. Because he'd mastered the trick. If you decline to identify, slice-and-dice is no more discomfiting than watching your mother prepare beef stroganoff. So what had we tried to protect him from, exactly? The practicalities of violence are rudimentary geometry, its laws those of grammar; like the grade-school definition of a preposition, violence is anything an airplane can do to a cloud. Our son had a better than average mastery of geometry and grammar both. There was little in Braveheart or Reservoir Dogs, or Chucky II— that Kevin could not have invented for himself.

In the end, that's what Kevin has never forgiven us. He may not resent that we tried to impose a curtain between himself and the adult terors lurking behind it. But he does powerfully resent that we led him down the garden path— that we enticed him with the prospect of the exotic.

(Hadn't I myself nourished the fantasy that I would eventually land in a country that was somewhere else?) When we shrouded our grown-up mysteries for which Kevin was too young, we implicitly promised him that when the time came, the curtain would pull back to reveal—what? Like the ambiguous emotional universe that I imagined awaited me on the other side of childbirth, it's doubtful that Kevin had formed a vivid picture of whatever we had withheld from him. But the one thing he could not have imagined is that we were withholding nothing. That there was nothing on the other side of our silly rules, nothing.

The truth is, the vanity of protective parents that I cited to the court goes beyond look-at-us-we're-such-responsible-guardians. Our prohibitions also bulwark our self-importance. They fortify the construct that we adults are all initiates. By conceit, we have earned access to an unwritten Talmud whose soul-shattering content we are sworn to conceal from "innocents" for their own good. By pandering to this myth of the naif, we service our own legend. Presumably we have looked the horror in the face, like staring into the naked eye of the sun, blistering into turbulent, corrupted creatures, enigmas even to ourselves. Gross with revelation, we would turn back the clock if we could, but there is no unknowing of this awful canon, no return to the blissfully insipid world of childhood, no choice but to shoulder this weighty black sagacity, whose finest purpose is to shelter our air-headed midgets from a glimpse of the abyss. The sacrifice is flatteringly tragic.

The last thing we want to admit is that the forbidden fruit on which we have been gnawing since reaching the magic age of twenty-one is the same mealy Golden Delicious that we stuff into our children's lunch boxes. The last thing we want to admit is that the bickering of the playground perfectly presages the machinations of the boardroom, that our social hierarchies are merely an extension of who got picked first for the kickball team, and that grown-ups still get divided into bullies and fatties and crybabies. What's a kid to find out? Presumably we lord over them an exclusive deed to sex, but this pretense flies so fantastically in the face of fact that it must result from some conspiratorial group amnesia. To this day, some of my most intense sexual memories date back to before I was ten, as I have confided to you under the sheets in better days. No, they have sex, too. In truth, we are bigger, greedier versions of the same eating, shitting, rutting ruck, hell-bent on disguising from somebody, if only from a three-year-old, that pretty much all we do is eat and shit and rut.

The secret is there is no secret. That is what we really wish to keep from our kids, and its suppression is the true collusion of adulthood, the pact we make, the Talmud we protect.

Sure, by the time he was fourteen we had given up on trying to control the videos he watched, the hours he kept, what little he read. But watching those stupid films and logging onto those stupid web sites, swigging that stupid hooch and sucking those stupid butts and fucking those stupid schoolgirls, Kevin must have felt so fiercely cheated. And on Thursday? I bet he still felt cheated.

Meantime, I could tell from Harvey's expression of forbearance that he had regarded my mini-lecture as more destructive self-indulgence. Our case—his case, really—was pearled around the proposition that I had been a normal mother with normal maternal affections who had taken normal precautions to ensure that she raised a normal child. Whether we were the victims of bad luck or bad genes or bad culture was a matter for shamans or biologists or anthropologists to divine, but not the courts.

Harvey was intent on evoking every parent's latent fear that it was possible to do absolutely everything right and still turn on the news to a nightmare from which there is no waking. It was a damned sound approach in retrospect, and now that i's been a year or so, I feel a little sheepish about being so cantankerous at the time.

Eva (We need to talk about Kevin)

[haggardclint]

Storytelling in Combat

What Professional Wrestling Can Teach Us About Running Combat Encounters

In the world of professional wrestling, where every slam, suplex, grapple, and high-flying maneuver tells a story designed to captivate its audience, lies an unexpected trove of inspiration for game masters seeking to better craft their combat encounters. Like a well-choreographed wrestling match, combat encounters are an artful blend of pacing, tension, and dramatic moments. In this quest to unravel the secrets behind crafting epic encounters, let’s step inside the ropes and explore how the structured chaos of a wrestling match can teach us how to orchestrate a dynamic, unforgettable battle for your tabletop game.

While not a hard and fast rule, traditionally, any professional wrestling match will follow the Seven Stage Structure. These stages are designed to raise the audience up and lower them down. If done well, tease and twist their emotions into a fever pitch until they explode. Any tabletop combat encounter can follow a similar rhythm. The initial lock-up between wrestlers mirrors the roll of initiative. Characters assess their adversary, position themselves accordingly, stalk the combat space, size each other up, and then go! From there, the narrative evolves into a series of turns, just like the back-and-forth in the squared circle. Tension escalates, reaching a boiling point and then BAM! 1-2-3! The climatic finish and a winner declared! Such pacing, stakes, and pivotal beats transform the mere skirmish into an epic tale of heroism and villainy.

Stage 1: The Stakes

In wrestling, a match has two defined roles: heels (Villains) and faces (Heroes). Start your combat by clarifying to the Heroes how tough and nasty the Villain is. The Villain antagonises the players through trash talk or monologing or, without hesitation, kills a minion or an innocent NPC. Alternatively, or along with, you can have the Villain unleash their most devastating attack, potentially as a surprise, like a chair shot to the head! The more damage you deal at the start of combat, the higher the chances of their hit points being high enough that you won’t completely kill them, but you’ll also be sending a message.

Stage 2: The Shine

The opening moves of your Heroes that’ll allow them to answer back. This stage invites the back-and-forth where the Heroes retaliate, and you have the Villain answer back with equal attacks, allowing them to remain a threat but ultimately be bested. This is the fun part for the Heroes, and by the end of the round, your Villain should be feeling the need to get a little dirty or creative.

Stage 3: The Heat

The Villain has been injured by the players, pushed too far, and will now do just about anything to survive or win. They go for the low blow, use an illegal weapon, or some other underhanded tactic to establish that they’re “the bad guy” and do what it takes if they have to. Like all good heels, the Villain should be arrogant in their one-up-manship. This is a great time to have a few pre-prepared taunts or actions designed to get under the Heroes’ skin. They take turns attacking one of their beloved NPCs instead of them or attempt to entrap them behind a wall, keeping them annoyed and in pain.

Stage 4: The Comeback

With the stakes never higher, the Heroes, too, must find the fire inside them they need to survive. They scramble around the environment, maximise their spell use, and let loose with whatever they have left to solve the puzzle that the Villain has become. The Villain gets hurt and shakes it off as best they can, but is clearly getting hurt and sending the message that the Heroes might just have them licked!

Stage 5: The Shut Down

Just when we think the Heroes will win, the Villain unleashes an unexpected maneuver that changes the encounter into a puzzle needing to be solved. This is the part where the Villain explores (and changes) the environment in some dramatic way that temporarily nullifies the Heroes. The dragon flies into the air out of reach, the wicked wizard teleports to higher ground and unleashes a flood, the rogue general calls down a rain of fire from their warships, or the mad scientist activates the machine and unleashes a devastating earthquake in the area. Whatever it is, it’s a big, environment and stakes-changing moment that creates a puzzle for the Heroes to solve.

Stage 6: The Final Moves of Doom

The Villain makes a mistake the Heroes can capitalise on, or the Heroes somehow get the upper hand, overcoming the Shut Down. In wrestling terms, this is where John Cena says, “You Can’t See Me!” and shakes his hand in their opponent’s face before unleashing their biggest and best attacks in quick succession. This combat stage is quick and loud, like an explosion, putting the Villain on his last legs.

Stage 7: The Finish

With a mighty crescendo, the Villain is beaten, escapes or brings the whole environment down on the Heroes, sending them into an escape scenario. Should Villain find a chance to win, this can happen in various ways. They call minions in to shield their escape. They straight-up cheat and flick a lever, revealing a trap door or self-destruct button. Whatever it is, if the Villain loses, then ok, everyone goes home happy. However, should the Villain win, the previous stages have set the tone to ensure the Heroes may be disappointed but hungry to chase them down and get a second chance.

That seems like a lot of stages? Won’t combat drag on forever?

GOOD QUESTION! Here’s the good news! At any point, if the Heroes kill the Villain or the Villain needs to get away, you can always “go home” and cut to Stage 7: The Finish. While the previous stages raise the stakes and emotions throughout the combat, the Finish can always take place and do its job satisfactorily.

In my experience, though, no combat should last longer than 3 rounds. You can streamline the Seven Stage Structure into 3 rounds using only 3 stages, as follows:

Initiative - Stage 1: The Stakes

Round 1 - Stage 2: The Shine

Round 2 - Stage 3: The Heat/Stage 4: The Comeback

Round 3 - Stage 5: The Shut Down/Stage 7: The Finish

Embracing the narrative flair of professional wrestling, game masters can enhance combat encounters using a formula designed to entertain due to wrestling’s ability to evoke emotions and escalate tension to craft epic battles. The stages, mirroring the back-and-forth dynamics of wrestling matches, provide a rhythmic approach to combat, transforming a skirmish into a captivating saga of heroism and villainy.

Your friend in time, Haggard Clint

#dungeons and dragons #ttrpg community #game masters #dungeon masters #dungeon master advice #game master advice #professional wrestling #prowrestling #dnd 5e #dnd #d&d

[glenngaylord]

Mucha Libre - Film Review: Cassandro ★★★1/2

Who would have ever expected a film set in the ultra macho, extremely homophobic world of lucha libre wrestling to serve as a celebration of women and effeminate gay men? Director Roger Ross Williams along with co-writer David Teague have crafted such an experience with their biopic, Cassandro, the true story of Saúl Armendáriz, an underdog who achieved legendary status against all odds. With a fearless, career-defining performance by Gael García Bernal, this queer Rocky story has plenty of laughs and charm, but it also has real power in how it challenges gender conventions. It’s such a joy falling in love with Saúl.

When we first meet him, he’s an out gay, skinny 18-year-old living with his single mother Yocasta (the fantastic Perla De La Rosa) in late 1980s El Paso. His religious father left them when Saúl came out a few years prior, so he and his mom share a close bond. He works as an exótico in nearby Juárez, Mexico. Unlike the masked lucha libre wrestlers, exóticos don’t hide their faces and exist as the flamboyantly gay punching bags who purposefully lose their bouts to their more macho opponents while also getting brutally heckled by the audiences. Think of it as professional queer bashing. Undeterred and clearly made of stronger stuff, Saúl’s wheels start to turn after losing bout after bout.

Inspired by the women in his life such as his strong, courageous mother and his gutsy trainer Sabrina (an engaging Roberta Colindrez), Saúl creates his alter-ego, Cassandro, who sports leopard print leotards as well as makeup inspired by Yocasta, and vows to be the first exótico who wins. When he first enters the ring as Cassandro, defiantly baiting the booing crowd, feeding off of their slurs, camping it up wildly, his big gay hair flipped back just so, you can’t help but root for him. Just seeing him not bat an eye as he takes on a wrestler three times his size and give him a run for his money should inspire anyone who has ever felt threatened by a bully.

By this point, Teague and Williams have done such a great job of letting us fall in love with Saúl, warts and all. Sure, we may see him party perhaps a bit too hard and maybe trust people a little too easily, but his steadfast belief in himself keeps you riveted. His secret relationship with a closeted married fellow wrestler, soulfully played by Raúl Castillo, seems like a bad idea from the jump. Early on, he secures a manager, Lorenzo (Joaquín Cosío) who has a loving way of cheering Saúl on, but he also has an assistant Felipe, played nimbly by music superstar Bad Bunny (aka Benito Antonio Martínez Ocasio) who provides an endless supply of cocaine whenever needed. This dichotomy goes under-explored and could have provided a little more conflict. Much of the external conflict, in fact, gets a little glossed over.

Regardless, Saúl’s journey has enough riches without it, culminating in a series of crowd-pleasing sequences guaranteed to get you cheering and turn on the waterworks. It also contains a brief, powerful scene which provides every queer person with the tools for how to respond to a parent who has rejected their child. Bernal’s performance in this scene, as he gazes directly into the camera, is subtle and gorgeous.

Special mention must be made of cinematographer Matias Penachino's work, which lovingly captures the 80s and onward without fetishizing the times. The film has a visual poetry, such as in a wonderfully intimate pool scene in which Saúl and his mother daydream at a house they’d one day like to purchase and it achieves grandeur in that truly iconic final shot. Same goes for J.C. Molina’s lived-in production design, which feels so vivid and true.

It’s worth pointing out that Mexico was ahead of the United States on such issues as marriage equality despite its image as an ultra-conservative, macho society. I’d like to think that not only the acceptance but the outright celebration of queer icons such as Saúl Armendáriz contributed to such a cultural shift. Late in Cassandro, Saúl goes on a talk show and names women, famous and otherwise, who have shaped his life. He embraces women. He embraces his own femininity. The world would be such a better place if we could all be more like Saúl, but barring that, I hope Cassandro gets people to at least open their hearts.

Cassandro opens in select theaters September 15th, 2023 and streams on Amazon Prime September 22nd.

[yessadirichards]

Jason Mraz is feeling free and curious — in music and in love

GARY GERARD HAMILTONNEW YORK

Jason Mraz is freer than ever, and that liberation has allowed his curiosity to get the best of him — in the most optimistic ways.

Musically, the two-time Grammy winner released his latest album, “Mystical Magical Rhythmical Radical Ride,” in June, a pop record that’s a turn from his balladeering, acoustic persona. Like many other current dance projects, it was conceived during the pandemic, and the 46-year-old says his fans helped shape its direction.

“I’d been noticing this for years — on the setlist (when performing), we were missing the songs that kept the audience on their feet,” explained the “I’m Yours” artist. “Something I long for is more experiences of that, where I could keep an audience elevated … it was a little bit (of) the audience asking for it, more than anything.”

Led by up-tempo tracks like “Feel Good Too” and “I Feel Like Dancing,” the guitarist wrote his 10-track, eighth studio album with close collaborators Raining Jane, whom he worked with for 2014’s “YES!”

But Mraz, who’s prepping a September deluxe reissue of his popular 2008 EP, “We Sing. We Dance. We Steal Things.” is also continuing a personal journey, one that publicly began in 2018 when he revealed he’s bisexual. The “Lucky” artist says he’s learning to embrace his identity, and the unknown paths that lie ahead.

“I realize I’m not final. And the more we grow and spread our wings, I think the more queer all of us may become. Because when we don’t limit ourselves to some construct of who we’re supposed to be in love with based on our society’s laws … we could find ourselves falling in love, or becoming attracted to all walks of human life,” Mraz said. “That’s what I found was happening to me.”

Mraz spoke to The Associated Press about his mom’s impact on the album, how publicly embracing his sexual orientation shapes how he now creates music, and why he needs forgiveness. The interview has been edited for clarity and brevity.

Mraz: We’re all on this ride through life. Life is basically just time traveling, and music is a great way to travel through time. And as I’m looking back, in my mid-40s, at 20 years in music, where I’ve been, what I’ve learned, how I can forgive myself for some of the things I’ve done, and then how I can be optimistic and purposeful ... I feel like I’m right in the middle of my journey.

Mraz: Breaking hearts. When you’re young, you have relationships that are filled with so much promise. And then, if they don’t work out, you’re left with this feeling of failure or shame which is not always easy to recover from. … (Also) I look back at some songs that I maybe rushed through, either for a deadline or just my idea wasn’t fully realized.

So that’s one thing we constantly have to do in life, is forgive others and forgive ourselves of our shortcomings.

Mraz: My mom heard some early demos that I was working on early in the process and she thought, “These are great. They’re cute. They sound like you, but I’ve heard that before. … You should make a pop album before it’s too late.”

I took that to heart and said, “You’re right."

Then, unfortunately, my mom was diagnosed with cancer during our album-making process. And so, our sort of musical inspiration would really be, “What would cheer up my mom? What could cheer her on in life and what will she be excited to hear from us?” And luckily, she’s doing great right now.

Mraz: I know who I am today, but I don’t know what my future holds and what future relationships I’m going to have. … I love doing stand-up with some friends of mine and I find myself talking about my dating experiences in the queer community and what that’s like. And just the ability — the freedom — to have that type of healthy banter with peers is a big step, versus who I was in 2018 when it was just a few secret peeps that I would share with.

Mraz: It is different. I find even with my old songs, when I perform them live, some I’ve either just retired or I find new ways where I can make them gender-neutral. I grew up hearing songs that had “girl” in the title, and I don’t fully connect with that or even want to limit my audience to just, you know, “girl” … that’s been the biggest change.

Mraz: I’m so happy. I’m still not happy that I’ve broken so many hearts along this journey, but I feel that I’ve done a lot of work in healing those relationships. And I’m so happy to be where I’m at today.

#yessadirichards

[s-------i-------g]

4/16/23-4/22/23

Resident Evil 3

If you’re a regular reader of this column (you are not), you’ll recall how I just finished the Resident Evil 2 remake with the $5 cheater mode. Unfortunately, there was no way to obtain a rocket launcher with infinite ammo without working for it, so I played through the entirety of this game entirely legitimately. So, how was this type of game now that I had to deal with inventory management?

I fucking loved it.

Look, I know. I’m going to get so much shit for saying that this is my favorite Resident Evil game, but so far it is. There is a chance that RE4 tops it at some point. But it’s not likely, considering I don’t have the remake and that I found the control scheme so weird and fucked up, that I gave up after dying in the village in the original game (the “original” being the HD version they ported to PC as played on a Steam Deck).

What I really like about RE3make is that it is blatantly dumb. They’ve thrown most of the horror in the trash and now it’s just an action movie about Millia Jovovich Jill Valentine kicking ass, escaping the zombie apocalypse, and getting revenge on those bastards at Umbrella. Sure, there are still some puzzles, and inventory management can still be a pain in the ass, but when Nemesis showed up every now and then, I was less panicked than I would be when Mr. X showed up; instead I was more annoyed than anything else. Although it is funny that hard shell supply cases just sort of fly out of him every now and then.

Capcom went all in on making this game more fun than anything else. I never felt like I didn’t have the tools to deal with whatever it was that was coming at me, but I had a damn blast handling the situation. If Resident Evil 2 is Alien, Resident Evil 3 feels like Aliens. And that works a lot better in a game than a movie, let me tell you.

The Full Monty

I don’t know on this one. It’s a little too goofy for its own good, and despite touching on depression (social and economic), it really doesn’t feel like it has much to say about… well, just about anything. Maybe body positivity? It’s not a bad movie, but with a plot hinging on a strip show where men strip down to the buff, the fact that they don’t show the movie-watching audience the dick is a travesty. They have that one hot guy who is supposed to have a giant dick, but they don’t show it? Cowards.

Contact

I can’t help but be a fan of anything sort of science fiction that focuses almost entirely on the minutiae of a niche discipline. I’ve been wanting to see this movie for a while (while also confusing for Cocoon, weirdly), and I find SETI and the Very Large Array to be an inherently interesting subject.

Robert Zemeckis is always an uncertain factor in basically any movie he’s attached to, but he remains grounded for most of the movie, with CGI used more sparingly than you might find his later animated abominations.

Jodie Foster does a great job as a capable woman who’s determined to reach her goal and is constantly underestimated by the men around her, just not in the same oppressive a way as they were in Silence of the Lambs. Matthew McCounaghy is around and serves to give the movie and extremely tiresome theme of where faith factors in when it comes toe world of science. The theme itself isn’t inherently bad, but it’s just done in such an overt way that I feel like it takes away from the ending the film which is all about faith.

The real star of the show is John Hurt who shows up a few times as the reclusive and enigmatic billionaire who funds Jodie Foster’s project. His presence often seems otherworldly and the fact that he always shows up to provide hope and keys to the secrets of the aliens paints him in a more extraterrestrial role. Unfortunately real space-faring billionaires are not nearly as interesting, humanistic, nor helpful.

What strikes me though, is that the ending feels hopeful in a way that seems genuine and sincere. Sincerity is hard to capture, and more often than not a message of hope feels jammed into a work to please an audience more than expressing a genuine thought. Good on ya, Bobby Z, you deserve to be forgiven for Forrest Gump.

Also, if there are any Jake Busey fans out there, watch out for this one, because your man has an outsized role in the film.

SOUNDTRAXXX

Mummification and Prayer by Prurient

History of Aids by Prurient

Fossil by Prurient

Pleasure Ground by Prurient

The Golden Chamber by Prurient

Colonialist Nature and Misanthropy by Prurient

The Black Post Society by Prurient

And Still, Wanting by Prurient

Cocaine Death by Prurient

Annihilationist by Prurient

Oxidation by Prurient

Worship Is the Cleansing of the Imagination by JK Flesh and Prurient

Of the Memories of Friends by Prurient

Through the Window by Prurient

Rainbow Mirror by Prurient

Garden of the Mutilated Paratroopers by Prurient

Black Crows Cyborg by Merzbow and Prurient

As is likely extremely obvious, I’ve been listening to almost the entirety of Prurient’s back catalog, spurred on by the excellent album Creationist. I really don’t know what to make of it, thought. Some of these albums are beautiful, challenging, and far too interesting for their own good and I like track after track, but others are grating, annoying, and full of whiny scream-o vocals. If there was a distinct trajectory that Prurient was following it would be easy to say whether I definitively like his music or not, but he’s definitely one of the more interesting artists I’ve come across in recent memory.

Profound Mysteries III by Röyksopp

I liked this a lot more than PMII, so I don’t know what to make of that.

WRAITH by Teeth of the Sea

I was testing out a new pair of headphones, and this was the first TOTS album I listened to, so I found myself going back to it. I still love it. It’s weird, dark, ethereal. Something like a cyberpunk noir soundtrack, with some wonderful trumpet solos peppering some great ambient work. Good stuff!

Dubnobasswithmyheadman (20th Anniversary Edition) by Underworld

Again, I was testing headphones, and I figured I’d throw this on. Still fucking great. Almost wall-to-wall bangers, and definitely one of the most important electronic albums ever.