#and it's So So Stupid!!!!!! it wasn't even targeting any one particular group it's just!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[electrasev5nwrites]

Ninja Daily: Vapors 38

"God Aiko, is this just going to be a thing now with you?"

She looked up at her disgruntled cousin, a little confused. "I'm sorry, I don't speak crazy, Karin."

The older girl picked up a short pillow and whacked her with it before sinking down into the couch across from Aiko. "I mean your clothes, dum-dum. The Hokage is making a village announcement tonight."

Aiko frowned. "Didn't she do that recently?"

"You're hopeless and you need to pay attention to life outside of paper and missions," Karin flatly informed her. "The Hokage left the village last week and came back in yesterday morning. Everyone was talking about it."

She shrugged. "Why would I care?" At the particularly scathing look she got, she moved to correct herself. "I mean, I care and all, but talking about it doesn't help. We'll find out whatever she deems appropriate tonight."

Then she looked down at herself and frowned. "And I'm fine, thanks." Her clothes were perfectly serviceable.

When she found herself dragged into a group of her peers (age-wise, if not in rank) she found that she had apparently been on the same wavelength as most of the boys. They all seemed to be dressed normally as well. Except for poor, fabulous Lee, of course. The other girls were all at least slightly dressed up. Even Tenten had apparently been ambushed and taken shopping. She looked hopelessly awkward and out of place in a short dress, nervously tugging on the hem and rubbing her fingers over the obvious outlines of hidden weaponry.

Aiko rather thought that standing her ground had been the best decision in this particular instance. She carefully wandered away from Karin's grabby monster hands (seriously, that girl was strong) and made an escape into the crowd to find an isolated spot to listen from. She could listen to the stupid speech without making it a big social affair, thanks.

It wasn't that she minded crowds or socialization, exactly. They were fine. But they didn't seem to energize her the way they did most of her peers. Karin and Ino would undoubtedly strong-arm most of that group into going out dancing or something after Tsunade was done speaking (either in celebration or to commiserate. They could find any excuse to party). Aiko very rarely felt the urge to do something so social.

'Apparently Root doesn't inspire great fondness for crowds either,' she noted with some amusement when the roof she landed on was already taken. She jerked her head in a vague nod to Sai. "Mind if I listen from here?"

It was a good spot, after all. Actually, she could see her group from here. Ino appeared to be sitting on Kiba's shoulders for a better view. He'd probably agreed so he could touch her legs. Not to be outdone, Karin seemed to be honing in on the other boys as if about to pick a target herself.

Sai merely shook his head, something unfathomable in his dark eyes, so she settled in to hear Tsunade speak with an apprentice at either shoulder like especially tiny bodyguards. She noticed with some disgruntlement that Sasuke was almost as tall as Shizune. That fucker'd had a growth spurt, hadn't he.

Big surprise, Konoha had officially aligned itself with both Sand and Mist, as well as a separate patronage pact with Nadeshiko. Honestly, if the Mist alliance hadn't gone through she would have been shocked. There was no way Tsunade would have leant Mist a seal master if she hadn't been all-but certain the resulting jinchuuriki would not be immediately turned against Konoha.

Sand wasn't surprising either. She'd heard that Gaara was in charge earlier that week from the lady she bought her fruit from at morning market. Things could have changed, of course, but what she knew about the possible future had made her relatively certain that unless Konoha provoked him, Gaara would remain fond of Naruto. His belief that Naruto would be the Hokage one day would doubtlessly lead him to tolerate all but the most extravagant of idiocies from the current administration.

Aiko didn't know shit about Nadeshiko, though, other than that it was located slightly south-east of Water country. Undoubtedly, they would prefer to be on the same side as their geographic neighbors, now that Water had a Kage again. Even if Nadeshiko didn't manage an alliance with Water, Terumi would have to be an idiot to touch them now. That would break her pact with Konoha and Sand and tick them off.

The only real surprise was the official acknowledgement of Konoha's enemies in Sound, who were apparently harassing Sand and some small villages. Tsunade spewed a steaming load of patriotic tripe that made the crowd cheer and stomp their feet. They positively roared when she announced that Konoha would be helping her allies. Not all of them, of course. Many of the older citizens, civilians and shinobi alike, looked distinctly stiff or unhappy. Aiko thought she could see an Inuzuka woman actually growling.

It didn't take a genius to conclude that this was actually an offensive hidden under the terms of a more publically acceptable defense of territory. Sand didn't share any borders with Sound. Unless Rain had fallen, Sound's foothold in Grass would make no difference. This was a thinly disguised move heralding the escalation of conflict. And many of the people were cheering the notification that their shinobi would be going off to die far from home for other countries.

"Idiots," she mumbled before realizing Sai might take offence.

He merely looked at her. Then he slowly looked back over the crowds below them. She was actually surprised when he spoke up. "You do not share their enthusiasm."

"Um, no." Aiko suppressed a sneer. "This could be the prequel to another large scale war. It's not a cause for celebration. At least we know Tsunade-sama is an excellent rhetorician, though," she dryly added. It was true—that woman could work a crowd.

"Hmm."

That was all they said. What else was there to say?

The lines under his eyes weren't getting any better, Itachi noted ruefully when he returned to the Akatsuki base where he and Kisame would be separately making their reports sometime in the following day. Stress was deepening them.

He was always stressed, of course. Every day he drowned in guilt that he could never allow to abate, every day he worried about his most precious person, and every day he allowed himself to associate with people he found utterly foul and repugnant.

Kisame was probably the best partner he could have had in Akatsuki, although he wouldn't have believed that at first. The Mist expatriate was a traitor, after all, and seemed to be a particularly bloodthirsty one.

Time had not changed those perceptions. Sometimes, first impressions were exactly accurate. Those facts were undeniable, but in the years since he had left Konoha, Itachi had become desperate enough for at least companionable silence to become something of a 'the-glass-is-half-full' person. Despite his many flaws, Kisame was ideologically motivated instead of greedy or small minded. No matter how repulsive Itachi found Akatsuki's aim of peace through subjugation, he could at least appreciate that his partner was ideologically committed to the cause of peace and not just a violent, money-grubbing hired hand like Kakuzu.

In a way, their desire for peace between the nations made them philosophical allies, even though Hoshigaki was undoubtedly fooling himself about his ability to refrain from violent action. He enjoyed a fight too much. In that, Kisame was like most of Akatsuki, even Sasori.

Kisame was by far the best option for companionship in Akatsuki. Deidara, perhaps, might have been led down a path of maturity. He was brash and willful, but not needlessly cruel or small-minded as Hidan was. But that path had been closed by Itachi himself when he tricked the boy into joining Akatsuki.

Perhaps he just hadn't wanted to see the boy change his mind and genuinely commit to such a foul organization. At least now, Akatsuki had a ticking time bomb strapped to its chest.

He somewhat bitterly wished that Madara would be around when Deidara finally lost his head completely. At least then he could allow Sasuke to find him for closure and just die already. Though he desperately wanted to die, he could not without assuring that his brother and his country had been protected as best as he could.

The older Uchiha had been up to something lately. Itachi had no doubt at all that much of the unrest in the Elemental Nations was due to his meddling and war-mongering.

But it didn't quite coalesce into a picture yet. That is, unless he assumed that the most recent and aggressive piece on the board was being controlled by Madara.

Although Sound had been founded by Orochimaru, there was no reason to believe that the current leader had any particular grudge toward another nation. They were a blank slate. Perhaps if this Kabuto was bitter about Orochimaru being killed by Konoha, he might have tried to harass them. But Sound could not hope to compete militarily with Konoha.

But they had not made a single move against Konoha. They had destroyed the Hidden village of Grass, and turned their raiding parties on other small villages like Rain. There seemed to be no purpose. Often, when new countries or administrations came into power, their first order of business was to improve their standing by acquiring desirable land and resources. But this didn't even look like an expansion of borders—Grass shared no land with Sound. They could not possibly hope to keep what they had taken unless they also defeated Fang and Waterfall. Yet they had barely touched that area, instead focusing on Rain.

Only the hypothesis that Madara or someone else with a potent grudge against Konoha made those bits of illogical action into part of a coherent picture. Attacking Grass had actually made some small amount of sense for someone who eventually planned to destroy Fire Country. They had been allied with Konoha and shared a border relatively near Sound. They would have been the first to interfere with any attack on Konoha's land from the North. With the hostile Earth Country to Konoha's North-West and Lightning to the North-East, it would be the logical point of entry for any attack.

It would not have made sense for Sound to do such a thing on their own, however. They could not hope to face Konoha's might, or indeed that of any great nation. Only a disposable pawn would be made to act in such a way. Sound was merely meant to sweep away any minor players that might come to Konoha's aid later.

Madara would not make his real move until after Sound had fallen, Itachi knew. But he might play Lightning and Earth against the Land of Fire for his own amusement even before Akatsuki had given him what he wanted, to make them miserable for as long as possible.

"Itachi," an amused voice that he would have much rather not heard called out. He gracefully took to his feet and padded towards the man who was nominally his master.

"Yes?" he questioned mildly. Nothing external betrayed what he was thinking, but inside was only turmoil. Madara was cruel, and suspected Itachi of turning against him. He was right, of course, but amused enough by the thin pretense of ignorance and innocence not to do anything about it. He was a man who liked to see others squirm.

Rather like a playground bully, Itachi had thought once. But that assumption was mistaken. Madara was like a man who had been tormented and bullied himself. He delighted in asserting himself over the powerful, not the weak. Indeed, he seemed to have a strange weakness for all manner of pathetic creatures. But never Uchiha.

Ignoring Madara would be a most unwise idea. But Itachi did not wish to hear what the man had to say, either. Perhaps he had come to mock Itachi for his weakness again.

"Itachi-kun, I wanted to have a word with you."

That voice almost had to be an affectation, Itachi mused silently, expressionless. It was far too low for a man of Madara's size. He was pitching his voice lower because he associated the masculine sound with power.

It wasn't the first time Itachi had the thought. He would never so much as whisper it.

"Taciturn, as always." Madara practically purred, like the world's most terrifying kitten. "Do you know, I've heard from Konoha. I think you may have made a mistake all those years ago in sparing Sasuke-kun. He's found himself a position under that Senju whore and is practicing pediatrics." The sneer was audible.

Both the crass innuendo and the information were somewhat brain-breaking.

Firstly, the Godaime Hokage was an admirable woman and would never act as improperly with an apprentice as Madara implied, regardless of Sasuke's status as a legal adult. He refused to even contemplate the absurdity. Itachi had been pleased by Sasuke's choice in mentors when he had found out, though it was unconventional.

Secondly… Sasuke was becoming a children's doctor?

That raised a lot of latent emotions. His otouto had always been so caring and a hard worker. Their parents would never have allowed him to take such a peaceful career path. Itachi was… proud. He felt proud of his little brother. Perhaps Sasuke could really be happy.

But he was also internally terrified, because…

"He's never going to get the Mangekyou like that," Madara rumbled, clearly amused by what he thought would alarm a man who was desperately greedy for the eternal Mangekyou eyes. "As his elder brother, it is your duty to rectify this grave mistake before it is too late. That is all."

Madara had allowed him to spare Sasuke because he thought Itachi wanted to use his brother in the same way Madara himself had used his younger brother. No doubt it had amused him to think of the last of the Uchiha tearing each other apart like wild dogs. If Madara thought there would be no use for Sasuke, he might do Itachi the 'favor' of taking care of him.

Of course, he could also choose to kill Sasuke to prevent Itachi from potentially growing any stronger. It was hard to tell with a man like that.

Konoha was militarizing. The signs were subtle, but present. Identification codes were being updated, merchants were being encouraged to travel as little as possible (to free up genin and Chuunin teams, undoubtedly) and even lower level nin were being pushed. Karin had been forced back into teaching part-time at the Academy, but the field medicine classes were being streamlined for entire classes in addition to Tsunade's program for gifted students.

Hinata found herself shifted back onto her original genin team. As a team of trackers, team 8 was now relieving Jounin teams that usually responded to requests for investigation of strange signs at the borders. They were a sort of covert investigation squad, aided by Kurenai's genjutsu and their ability to detect targets at a distance. Chuunin with Jounin-level skills in one needed area were being promoted to special Jounin status and given part-time missions at their new clearance.

And Aiko had been summoned to report on her findings to the Hokage herself.

'I suppose I knew that my break couldn't last forever…'

At least it had been productive. She had three potential counter-seals, and she was almost certain that one of them would work. That might please Tsunade.

The Hiraishin, on the other hand, needed testing. The exact seal that Minato and the original inventor had used were unsuitable for Aiko. Her chakra nature was different, as were her intentions with the technique. So she had tailored the original seal, cutting and adding what she needed and desired. The end result was startlingly different in appearance.

But the theory was very similar.

At its core, the Hiraishin was a method of folding the space-time continuum at two positions, one of which was your physical location (although it hadn't been explained in those terms) and using your spiritual chakra to re-orient yourself in relation to a beacon. It was an instantaneous tug of position, where the user essentially coaxed the universe into thinking that they had been in another position the entire time.

Aiko hadn't been able to think of a way this could possibly work without displacement of an equal mass of some sort—if it didn't, the Hiraishin would suddenly leave a vacuum in space. It was almost like a really unconventional body-switch technique, utilizing microscopic materials in the atmosphere instead of a convenient log or another body.

She wasn't particularly keen to test this theory, but it had to be done. 'Tonight', she promised herself. 'After I'm done with Tsunade, I'll try it out in the training ground.'

Aiko was at least mostly certain that even a failure wouldn't result in her death. It appeared that if she was totally misunderstanding the technique, it just wouldn't do anything. She just didn't like failing at anything. That tendency made it difficult to try new things. But at the same time, this technique was just too valuable not to utilize.

Of course, this experiment tonight might also lead to the collapse of her pet project, which she was worried about. If she was wrong and she could only attune to one signature at a time, her triangulation idea was completely worthless.

"Hokage-sama will see you now."

Aiko nodded politely to the sweet-faced older woman who managed the desk outside Tsunade's office and strode in, giving a polite bow to the woman inside before falling into a 'ready' position. For her, that meant her feet were slightly apart, her back was straight, and her hands were clasped at the small of her back.

"On time? Nice to see Hatake's only taught you to emulate his better habits," Tsunade muttered. Aiko had to consciously remember to stay still and impassive at the considering look the older woman leveled at her. She didn't really know the Hokage on a personal level, despite the fact that Sasuke was her apprentice and Naruto thought fondly of her. Aiko admired her on a merely professional level, since she had yet to make a personal judgment.

But she did know that the Hokage simply could not be as obtuse and brash as she appeared to be. Her snubs were calculated, and her abrasive nature had to be a tool. Tsunade was a woman who pushed.

The impression Tsunade gave of a person with a formidable force of personality was not a mere affectation, after all. Only the unpolished nature was false. Tsunade was a diamond, like the shape on her forehead. The Hokage was a deceptively beautiful and innocuous seeming woman who had been perfected into cold, shining hardness through years of intense pressure.

So she said nothing. It was best to remain silent in the presence of larger predators. Besides, that would force Tsunade to direct the conversation.

Tsunade rolled her eyes, as if irritated by some thought. "I want a report on that seal. What have you found?"

"As far as I can tell, it is a two-layered seal for the purpose of preventing the person marked from sharing sensitive information whether inadvertently, willfully, or under duress. In extreme cases it could cause paralysis as a counter-measure, but it probably functions by causing the tongue to swell and block the air passage to prevent speech. It must have a similar component for writing-based information leakage, and I think that may be what the paralysis is intended for. I have devised three possible counter-seals. Further investigation is not possible with my limited abilities without testing on an actual seal."

Aiko tugged out her collected notes on the silencing seal and stepped forward to pass them over to Tsunade. "My notes on my findings and analysis, Hokage-sama." It was best to be concise. She didn't want to seem like a braggart, but the alternative explanation could either bore Tsunade or make her think Aiko didn't have enough faith in her analysis. Besides, she wanted to get out of here and do testing on her personal project.

Tsunade could either trust her word and get a Root member to test the seal on, or piece through the notes. Aiko thought she knew what the older woman would choose to do.

"Very well. Leave those with me. I'll call you again once I have read through them. Dismissed."

Just to be cautious, she gave another bow before she left. As soon as she'd cleared the tower, Aiko broke into a flying sprint, easily crossing town to her favorite training grounds in minutes with a rush of air and color over buildings. Her hands shook just a little as she inked up two of her personalized seals—she had destroyed all the process copies. Best not to leave things like that laying around.

Since she wasn't interested in humorous mishaps involving emerging literally on the signal with a kunai in her innards or something, she didn't attach the seals to anything yet.

This was the part she had so far only read about. Aiko sat down with just one in her hands in a meditation type pose and saturated the seal with her own chakra. It took a fair bit to fill, but that was fine. She had large reserves and seals were reusable. Otherwise, this technique would be far too time and chakra intensive for anyone to actually use.

Once a fifth of her reserves had been pumped into it, the first seal stopped accepting chakra.

And the strangest thing happened. It appeared on her chakra sense, much like Karin or Shishou would. As if it was in fact another person. Except she didn't actually feel a mass of chakra. It was just a tug on her senses, something that wasn't sight, hearing, touch, taste, or anything else she could identify. But it was there, and she felt she would know that feeling anywhere.

Minato had described the feeling as an inexorable draw. He was right. Some critical part of her attention zinged to her creation.

It was fucking awesome, and she hadn't even tried to use it yet. She was tempted to, but the original plan had been to make two and only use one to see if she could sense them at the same time. It seemed obvious now that there was no chance she could fail to notice one of these seals attuned to her chakra and heartbeat, but it was best to go with the plan.

She had to actually meditate for a few minutes in order to calm down enough to attune the second seal. It had felt like she was high earlier, and Aiko welcomed the new clarity of mind. The second seal was much faster, now that on some level she wasn't expecting it to suddenly reject her chakra and give her a painful snap. She only slowed down when she was nearing three-fifths of her reserves, and welcomed the now-familiar singing in her blood that signified an active seal.

The moment of truth had been what Aiko had been worried about for days—failing at this final juncture. But she knew with every part of her being that this was the easy part. This was breathing and blood pumping and electricity moving in her nerve system. She felt the extra sense twang and rustle when she set the seals down on the grass and a little reluctantly walked to a point away from both of them.

Pulling on one was child's play. She had been by the oak tree, and now she was not. When she looked down, the little paper rustled up at her from between her toes. Aiko twanged the other connection, and looked back in time to see the grass where her feet had been springing up.

Best. Thing. Ever.

She actually laughed with the adrenaline and the singing in her blood, flickering back and forth mindlessly, high on the totally bizarre feeling of instantaneous travel. This… this was like magic. Sure, she could turn into a puddle of water or spit lightning or run at insane speed, but that took conscious effort. This was as natural as her teal eyes—it was just hers, and she had no idea how she'd ever lived without noticing it.

It took several dizzy minutes of transporting between the two seals before she calmed down enough for coherent thought. Granted, it wasn't exactly a cautious thought or one she would have had normally, when she wasn't riding high on unprecedented success and adrenaline and the supernatural feeling of her own chakra zinging all around her.

'I know I wasn't going to experiment until I'd had more practice with the regular version, but… I want to make a third seal and try triangulating now.'

They were her plans anyway. She could change them if she changed her mind. It only took about forty seconds to sketch out a third seal and a few minutes to attune it. When she was done Aiko was actually a little woozy from the sudden expenditure of chakra—well over half of her reserves in something like twenty minutes. So she forced herself to lay down for a while and calmed her rapidly beating heart.

When she finally tried, this part turned out to be harder than she had thought. It was hard to want to tug on all three at once—some part of her feared ending up in three pieces. After nothing happened with the first few tentative tugs, she took a deep breath and gave a sharp pull on all three.

'Well, at least I moved that time,' Aiko dazedly noted from her sudden position on her back blinking up at the midday sky. 'That's a good sign.' There appeared to be a good-sized rock digging into her back. When she managed to cringingly sit up, rubbing at her poor abused spine, it was hard to gauge whether this was a failure or a success.

She'd moved about two feet closer to the spot that should have been her destination. With some effort she got on her feet again and used more force on all three active connections, now that she knew she had been too cautious before.

That time was a success position wise, and she only ended up on her knees that time. But being destabilized twice now was a pattern, and something she hadn't considered. The girl frowned.

'Maybe it's less stable than using one seal? Because I'm forcing myself to orient against three different signals, I'm probably not hitting any of them dead-on like I do with just one. Practice should help me maintain balance when I land, I think.'

At least, she hoped it would. Triangulating wouldn't do her much good in a fight if she ended up on her ass half the time, even if it would still be fine for longer distances where she didn't have to be immediately aware and ready for a fight.

Now that she had managed to merely move closer to the signals once and managed to land in the center once by equally using each connection, Aiko was certain that her idea was going to work. Still, she had to test it before she went home and took a long nap.

Staggering, Aiko made her way out of the triangle again and closed her eyes to focus. Whew, she hadn't had to do that before, had she? Well. She'd be done soon anyway. She had a killer headache.

She firmly connected to the upper most signal and the left-hand one, barely brushing against the one on the right. And opened her eyes to see she was. Well. Not where she'd optimally wanted to be. That position was about a foot to the right. She hadn't gripped the last one firmly enough. But still, she was positioned in between the three signals at unequal distance in a way that corresponded to how she had focused on each seal.

A heady smile tugged at her lips, and Aiko was already collapsing. 'I think I'm taking my nap here,' she noted distantly, far too disoriented to really care.

Judging by the position of the sun, she had either slept for about 24 hours or only passed out for a few minutes. She blinked the tears out of her eyes and then wiped at the wetness on her face. Alarm bells went off like a siren even in her dizzy mind and mellow state when her hand came away red with blood. 'Ah. May have over done it.'

'That possibility was probably why I planned not to do more than one experiment at a time,' she realized. It was hard to remember right now, but that sounded about right.

Now vaguely concerned that she should go to the hospital before she passed out again, Aiko laboriously climbed to her knees. It was definitely harder than it usually was. Oh, headrush.

Omake: (Maybe happened, maybe it didn't. Whatever floats your boat.)

Shizune knocked on Tsunade's door and pushed it open without waiting for a response. The team debriefing in front of the desk gave her disgruntled looks she ignored.

"Tsunade-sama? Could I get some help at the hospital? I don't know what to do with this, frankly." She paused. "And it's freaking the nurses out."

Tsunade slowly raised an eyebrow at her apprentice's sheepish expression.

"It's Uzumaki Aiko," Shizune explained apologetically. "She's… well. She's bleeding from… here." She made a circular gesture over her face with her palm.

Tsunade groaned. "Are you fucking kidding me? I had her in here not two hours ago and she was fine."

Shizune bit her lip and sucked in a deep breath. "Well… Maybe you should fix it, before Hatake decides it's your fault and valiantly charges in here to tear you a new one. Because he's going to know soon." She muttered the next part under her breath. "God only knows how, but he'll know. I told the nurses not to say a word, but…" she shrugged as if to say, 'what can you do?'

The Hokage appeared to be on the verge of tears. Somehow, every time an Uzumaki scraped their knee and needed a bandaid with pandas on it, it was her fault. Even when it was Naruto and Hatake found out about via letter weeks after the fact.

#vapors #uzumaki aiko #electrasev5n #ninja daily #fanfiction #naruto fanfiction

[ceoofmetagala]

Hi again, same anon from earlier. First I want to apologize for now my original message came off; I really wanted to be clear that by no means was any of this meant as an attack towards you, but rather there's a place my constructive feedback came from. I've been on social media and art fandoms for a very long time now, and I've had my share of emotional posts where I was strongly expressing my distaste for topics. By 'emotional maturity', I was referring to how mature one expresses/shares their emotions outwardly, which I struggled with daily at your age. By no means was I blind to that. However, I scared many people off with that type of behavior. Before I knew it, I had lost a whole friend group because I didn't have the insight at that age to find a more calm and controlled way of expressing myself. I am also autistic. To pair, at the time I was friends with another autistic person who was very open about the way they expressed their strong negative opinions, generally making similar posts as you did earlier (this was on another website); they got bullied, harassed, and targeted so violently for that behavior that no amount of blocking and reporting could stop the sheer amount of alts and people willing to take advantage of this person, knowing they'd get a reaction. These horrible people thought it was funny. Eventually, they had to leave the website for years and come back with a whole new alias. I can't even believe I was able to reconnect with them all this time later. I guess the point I was trying to get at with that part of my ask wasn't to harm you or call you stupid, but just to let you be aware that unfortunately there are people on the internet who don't see it as an excuse that your a teen- they see it as fair game. Overall, I really just don't want to see this happening to you which is why I wanted to tell you. I wish someone did for me when I was that age. Reading into your further posts after the ask response, you had said that your parents don't take you seriously when you're trying to handle your emotions? I am really sorry to hear this. I don't want you to think anyone here has anything against you, by all means you brought up very valid points in your response and its easy to see that there's far more deep-rooted issues going on than simply disliking a headcanon. Not to backseat therapist, but it really sounds like to me when you said "I struggle with/ignore my negative emotions/one is enough to break me down" that you struggle with regulating your emotions in general. For that, I deeply apologize for the way I worded my post as I would never think you're 'emotionally unintelligent' but rather just... need guidance. Perhaps if you're not already at the moment, maybe see about visiting a counselor or therapist to work on this as I can see it's really hurting you. I can understand if you're not able to given what you've shared with us about your parents, but perhaps someday. There's definitely a lot of material on the internet that can help in the meantime. Otherwise, please take what I'm saying with a grain of salt. I'm just another person on the internet and I thought I was doing the right thing by letting you know of these issues; but it's up to you to interpret them however it might help you. There's nothing wrong with you as a person so please never think that. As for the tags? One in particular that was shown to me was you misspelt "body horror" as "horrer" and so that came up on my dash. People make mistakes, so again please know I'm not upset with you and still very much enjoy your work. After all, we have to help each other grow however we can.

Please take care, and keep doing what you love. I wish you all the best.

Hello random anon again. Again I will break down points to address

- okay so I tried to see s therapist for other issues because my tendency to bottle emtions up had. Ande me lash out in school do I was forced to get therpay and erm.... There's only 2 therapists near my area for in person one of which we tried but my medicate? Care ? ( I forget and mix the 2 up)didn't cover do we WNET to another and WHOOO was that one BAD bro straight told me "suicide in teenagers in normal and not a sign of mentall illness" do yeah. Phsycail out of the window and I DO NOT. Feel comtoble with online . My parents CAN hear. Even if they can't fully understand they will. Its just. Not safe . Mainly cause ya know? They are part of the issue this isnt even getting into the fact they are straight up transphobic and also slightly homophobic and ya knows... abusive. So yeah therapy is just not an option for me at this momment I thought of going once I was 18+ and had a place to "run away" to safely

And even if it were an option and tehre were slot of therapists in the area I wouldn't feel comtoble since that same bad one also told my parents everything so I refused to dig further and just said "I'm fine" for like a solid 30 mins? And also not even a safety issue but a "I feel bad to ask for anything even if it will atuclly improve my life" and if I ask for therapy where there were options my parents would likely feel I DIDNT need it.

So yeah overall I've had bad experiences with it and don't plan on it until it's even safe for me and I can afford to.

(this is a very touchy subject as well since I'm struggling to keep my emotions in check again. A bit worse than last time)

And the final point yeah I learned the proper spellinh when I was rbinh something else since while trying to think about if it need to be tagged I thought it's s bit of body horror might tag that and thought "horrer" looked off and then finally looked it up to grab the proper spelling took me a solid few minutes. Very common occurrence for me to straight up not know how to spell words and think the improper was the proper one.

#mocha asks #sory i didnt bring the whole forst aort uo coudlnt think of snything to say #i cant and it is not safe for me to regulate negative emotions so ignoring is my ejst bet and having breakdowns st night timw where #no one car hear is cuenlty my only option at the momemnt