#and it’s just so cool bc they published those books and yeah i see their name everywhere bc i keep up with the author

[bandedbulbussnarfblat]

Your post about Daniel's LinkedIn page reminds me of a theory I had awhile back. I think Daniel wrote a "fiction" novel called The Devil's Minion back in the day, but he never got it published. He'll be reminded of it in s2 and as he's reading the old manuscript, we'll see the story onscreen

oh, that would actually be pretty cool. like we know daniel never finished the book he was writing in 85, from that one trailer. the part where they mention alice and daniel says something about never finishing the book and leaving without paying the bill. that could have been the book he was writing! i mean, probably a straight (and maybe even white) washed version of it, since it was 80s. and daniel seems to struggle with his sexuality. unless he was writing under a pseudonym, which is what he did when he wrote iwtv in the books. and

(also book lestat used a pseudonym to write his books. do you think he used daniel's pseudonym, and has basically been plagiarizing him this entire time? or did he publish under a different pen name and publish what was technically fanfic of daniel's iwtv? you don't have to answer that. i just wonder these things)

but yeah, that could have been what he was writing. maybe he meant to publish it as a sort of goodbye, or as a romantic gesture toward Armand (maybe trying to win him back? perhaps armand is tired of sharing daniel with his family? or maybe armand left him so he could have his family, but he didn't take his memories?)

then alice tells him she's pregnant. daniel realizes he can't leave her now. one kid she could manage by herself, but not two. bc it's the 80's and even though the EPA was passed in 63 it wasn't exactly strictly adhered to, and there's still that wage penalty for motherhood thing going on, and while maternity leave was given, it could still get given unpaid or underpayed. it all depended on where you worked. we didn't get fmla until 93. daniel could literally be leaving his wife and children for at least 6-12 weeks. even at 6 weeks, or hell, maybe she got those weird mom hormones and liked hulked it out and only took 4 weeks. That's still a month with no income, so the only she'd have is what's left in her and daniel's joint account, bc that's a goddamn crazy thing that married couple's do, like to this day. and daniel is drug addict, that bank account is probably in the red. and alice is probably smart if daniel falls for her, in the books his two relationships are armand and marius. armand is extremely clever. but also a manipulative bastard. marius is basically a fucking philosopher. and also a manipulative bastard. so my theory is alice is also probably smart, and at least a little bit of a bastard. so that girl definitely has a run fund.

(let me explain the run fund thing to y'all that is too young to have heard about this. when you get to a certain age--it differs depending how far down south you are--your momma pulls you aside and tells you that you need a run fund. she may not call it that, there are different names for it, or she may try to phrase it more delicately so you don't think this is just about your father, bc it applies to all men. (and if you're mom is progressive, she'll say something like, 'or maybe a woman if that's how you turn out') i am from the south. i am telling the southern tale of this, where most of us are brought up baptist, so we're supposed to not think lustful thoughts, but at the same time, there's kinda this assumption that girls are like naturally chaste. like girls don't watch porn, girls don't masturbate, girls can enjoy sex, but never desire it. at the same time there are those women. whores, sluts, hoes, bad women. and their was a tight fucking line you had to walk to prevent yourself from being one of them. you know, typical virgin/whore complex shit. anyway i think i was around 16ish when my mom told me. it's your emergency stash of money you have hid away somewhere, something secret that he (or she) doesn't know about it. it's your 'get the fuck out money'. it's your 'if something happens' money. and your momma ain't gotta tell you what if something happens means, because you already know; it's if he hits you, if he hits the kids, if he forces you into it, if he touches you like that without your permission, if he touches one of the kids like that. it's your grab the kids and go money. if you're lucky it'll get you back to family or friends who can take you in. or maybe you have enough to shack up at some cheap motel for awhile. but don't sign anything with his name, use your maiden name if you can get away with it, and never ever use any of the checks or cards with his name on it, use your cash. only your cash. take the first job you can find, no matter how shitty. but always look for something better. leave the kids with whoever you can find to keep them, and then you just keep going til you find something better and you find something better and then one day finally you can fucking breathe and you realize that you're okay that got really long and over winded but i am, so fucking high rn.

anyway, what i'm saying is alice could have reasonably had enough money to float by a month or two hidden away, but daniel wouldn't know about it anyway. so from his point of view he'd be leaving his kids with zero income for at least a month. so he couldn't be a dick and do that, he'd have to stay until at least she could go back to work.

but of course he could always leave before she has the baby, like as soon as he fucking finds out. but there's a 50/50 chance she's on his insurance because sometimes it's better to be on your spouses insurance than use your own. so he could hypothetically leave his pregnant wife without access to medical care.

maybe he decides to try to 'do the right thing' and stay with alice until she's able to make it by herself. hell, maybe he decides to stay long term bc he decides he wants to be a good father and not abandon his kids.

or he does the easy thing and is like, 'armand, babe, could we send them money? i'd feel really bad about leaving them if we didn't' and then makes puppy eyes at armand, or something more x-rated if you're nasty.

and armand is either going to erase his memory 'for his own good' so he can go live a normal human life. or daniel is going to try to call things off for good, and armand knows he won't be able to give up what they have, so his erases his memories so he can go live his mortal life, but he's like, super bitter about it. or worse option, daniel could ask armand to wipe his memories of them so he can move on.

god, i have been rambling so much. i have strayed far from the original point into what seem like random tangents, but i promise on link together in a beautiful spiderweb in brain. like that silvery stuff in that one windows loading screen or screen saver or something. i think this may be back from the windows xp days.

but my point is i really like your theory. and kinda want write fic about it one day, far away (but only with your permission of course)

#sorry i rambled #my brain is moving so fast rn #it's like the mental zoomies

[galathynius]

allison! i’m going to rant about a book real quick. i just finished a book called forget me not which i only realized after beginning was a pulled-to-publish reylo fanfiction ! historically, i don’t mind some of those because ususally it just means enemies to lovers/grumpy sunshine which i’m generally cool with (and i try to support fanfic writers turned published authors as often as i can, bc that’s us! that’s the community!!) but this one was NOT good. not even a little bit :( she’s a wedding planner and he’s a florist and they’re exes because she’s known since she was a kid that she never wanted to get married (and was VERY upfront about that with him) but he assumes he’s the exception to the rule so he proposes to her (at a wedding!!) and she says no and they break up. and i was like yeah good!!! marriage is not a requirement for a healthy relationship and he was wrong to disregard her express wishes like that! but then it ends with three years later after seeing one super beautiful wedding she decides she wants to be with him forever, so she proposes to HIM. and that’s supposed to be happily ever after????? it infuriated me! there’s absolutely nothing wrong with a long and committed relationship that never even approaches marriage. that is a normal and acceptable eventuality. UGH it was so annoying. some of the rest was cute though idk

noooo i don’t like that !! especially since i’m assuming her reasons for not wanting to get married were probably rooted in very real concerns about traditional roles/expectations or something like that so to go back on it just undermines that

also proposing at someone else’s wedding is not cute it is not your moment 🤨

#i have not read any reylo-inspired romances none of them sound like my cup of tea lol #answered #acotars

[queerregulusablack]

watching s2 of young royals today and honestly the thing about how adults make shows abt minors having sex is cool but ff isn’t….. literally a major plot point in this show is that a sex tape of minors gets spread, and i’ve never seen anyone question the morality of having that in a show?? everyone loves this show (or at least the ’minors having sex on screen’ isn’t why they don’t). double standards🙌🏻 don’t even get me started on call me by your name lmao

See, the thing about this argument is; yeah! You're entirely correct. There is a massive double standard in fandom when it comes to underage sex in paid fiction - TV, published books, comics, movies - verses when it appears in fanfiction. Euphoria is a really big one for this, because those underage characters are also constantly having sex, but there's no massive stink raised about adults writing that script either.

(CMBYN had the double whammy of a 17 year old having explicit sex AND the age gap of the main pairing which no one seems bothered by. It's a little different to my eyes - living in the UK, the age of consent is 16, so I don't see the underage aspect there - but it's another example of a typically American fandom ignoring their supposed morals when it's harder to get their hands on the creators/the work itself includes everyone's favourite skinny white boy, Timmy.)

But the real problem at the heart of this moralistic, puritanical campaign against underage sex depicted in fanfiction, is how twitter fucking loves to call it child porn. Because it's not.

Calling explicit underage sex in fanfiction child porn isn't just harmful to actual victims of it, but it also encourages the idea that queerness in inherently explicit/nsfw/unacceptable to greater society; because the fanfic that gets this pushback? Is overwhelmingly queer-created, and featuring queer-pairings.

This piling on encourages the idea that the mere existence of queer teenagers is nsfw, and it does so much harm, especially when trans kids are suffering so much already. A person might argue 'oh well stop writing that we're having sex at 16 then'; except that's real life. And everyone who was once sixteen knows it.

There is nothing unrealistic about writing teenagers having sex. When I was a teenager almost everyone in my class started having sex at fourteen. I had my first ever dramatic wlw breakdown at 14 when my best friend - who I had not yet realised I was in love with - admitted she'd had sex with her boyfriend, again, at fourteen years old.

So it's not unrealistic. It's not child porn, because that's a very real and harmful crime that affects real life children; and as a reminder, is a crime, and so would not be allowed on AO3 if that's what it was.

If the problem is the ages of those creating the work in question, I have two points.

First; if all underage smut was written by sixteen year olds, it would suck. That's not a judgement, it's just a fact. At sixteen you don't have enough life experience to know what good sex feels like, let alone how to write it well so everyone enjoys reading it. From all the 'im just gonna separate the artist from the art' rhetoric out there, it's clear that people get this point already. It's good fic. It's good because of the years of life and writing experience. The problem is the age of the creator. Which brings me to point number two.

Second; the people coming after writers for underage smut are cowards, and they're hypocrites. I don't feel like sugarcoating it any more. Twitter has been quite gleefully gloating about threatening some people's children, so there it is; cowards and hypocrites.

You will quite happily come after small creators on the internet BC they're in their 30s, but the 40-50 year old men having actors who represent underage teens in their shows get their tits out? The actors themselves, performing underage sex? Nah.

It's hypocrisy at its finest. If your morals do extend to shows like Euphoria, it's cowardice, because you're only throwing your weight around here, behind anon, where there are no big consequences for you being a little bitch.

The double standards are exhausting. The sad part about them is how few people recognise their own double standards. Sadder still is that their reaction, most likely, would be 'then I should stop watching these shows' instead of 'well then I should leave these people alone'.

I hope you're enjoying your show though, dear anon. I've not got around to watching Young Royals but the premise does make me 👀 I'll admit.

#owl post #old man yells at cloud #another day another discourse post #thank you for the visit feel free to come back <3

[spookfished]

media roundup dec 2024

hi everyone :3 another backlog post from december! its always interesting to look back at something that you were super into during finals. haha. during finals week i think i read a romance novel every 2-3 days?

with this, ive read through almost every single courtney milan book that my library has to offer. they are excellent romance novels if that's your thing, but i also watched some fantastic movies and played some really good games :3 once again will be crossposted up on my website at. some point in time

books:

once upon a marquess by courtney milan: m/f romance. judith, a ruined woman from a ruined family, encounters the man responsible for her familys downfall: her childhood friend. i started reading through this series bc of the most recent installment, the devil comes reading. that ones still my favorite but this one is pretty good! the relationships between the worth siblings were really good and the banter was cute :3 i think ms milans strong sideplots come through pretty clear here--the tension of judiths search for her sister was really sad! her every wish by courtney milan: f/m romance novella. daisy is trying to bluff her way into a grant to start her business, but only one person has the confidence to bullshit his way through: her ex. ok idgaf about small businesses so i didnt read this one for a while, but crash (the love interest) is sooo charming :3 the reasons that their relationship fell apart and the way those hurts were resolved felt really good i think. yay! the pursuit of… by courtney milan: m/m romance novella. hunter, a black soldier during the american revolution, is trying to get back to his family. a british deserter with nothing better to do accompanies him. yeah this was cute. not a lot to say about it :3 the charm offensive by allison cochrun: m/m romance which i picked up bc its about a romance between the bachelor (from the bachelor) and a producer on set. (its not actually the bachelor.) very cute! very fluffy! i have to say, not quite as good as uhhhh all of the courtney milan books ive read over the past couple months but still pretty solid. dev is a cute lead but i found the other lead (charlie or sth) kinda annoying for a significant portion of the book. which i think is somewhat intentional but its like ehhh. i can find awkward tech boys irl too. (SPOILERS) liked how the 'evil ex' actually got some nuance to him too mrs martins incomparable adventure by courtney milan: f/f romance novella featuring two women over 70!!!! and its conwoman x mark?? dudeee miss milan NEEDS to write more femslash im kinda begging here. this was really light and fluffy and also just really awesome. there is a lot to appreciate about romance when youre old i think. im really into it 👍 after the wedding by courtney milan: f/m romance. ok so if you read the first book in the worth saga u know a big b-plot is about trying to find judiths sister camilla. this book is about camilla! so spoilers for that. she gets forced into a mutually unwanted wedding, and while the bride and groom try to annul the wedding they ~also grow feelings~. another milan novel with a weird amount of detail on ceramic design + manufacture? well im not complaining that part was really cool actually. camillas situation is honestly just really sad so its satisfying to see her get out of it

what happened after midnight by courtney milan: f/m romance novella. a man chases after his (former) betrothed after she runs away with his fortune? yeah this was cute. loved the melodrama

unclaimed by courtney milan: dnf. f/m romance. a woman has staked her livelihood on her ability to seduce the ultimate target: the inventor of male chastity??? lmao this is one of her earlier novels published in 2011 (i think) and it kinda shows? the premise is a little bit too unserious for me and the banter/dynamic between the main pair is just not quite as good. it also felt like it dragged a bit. however!!!! i would still extremely recommend pretty much all of her more recently published stuff!! so

love on the brain by ali hazelwood: dnf. f/m romance, but its also by the reylo author. this one neuroscientist has to work on a project with a guy who she thinks hates her, but actually he is ~super in love and too shy to say it~ my mom really wanted me to read this bc she likes the author a lot and "it has women in stem". well guys i have to say i am not a fan of the reylo author. honestly out of all the women in the book the lead is literally the least interesting one? idk it was bad. uninspiring prose. also i wasnt really a big fan of the way it focused on chauvinism and discrimination in the workplace, but thats a personal thing

comics/manga:

peace of mind (2019): short furry comic about a cosmetic brain surgeon, and some of the issues she just cant fix. yeah this was cute!!! pretty classic concept but presented in a sillyfun way imo. like literally only 20 pages i thought the art style was cute go check it out if you have the time

yugami kun has no friends: slice of life school comedy about a transfer student desperate to make friends after moving around her whole life who unfortunately gets placed next to yugami, who is THE MOST AUTISTIC BOY IN THE WORLD. i think i read this whole series in like two days lmfao its just?? extremely charming??? i really like these sort of slices of life where you get to gradually expand your cast of characters over time. everyone is sort of an ass but also trying their best in the way that high schoolers kinda are. also has some very fun will-they-or-wont-they. bro i felt straightbaited. also has some really charming art with good expressions! definitely recommend :3

to strip the flesh by oto toda: manga oneshot from an anthology. chiaki, a trans man, works as an animal dissection youtuber but feels trapped in the closet to keep his father happy. idt it hit as hard for me as it might for some people but i still liked it! wow being trans! and being meat!

movies/tv:

blade (1998): marvel action movie about vampires (and the half-vampire sworn to slay them) but like, before marvel moveis were bad. watched this with friends over the thanksgiving weekend and it was so badass!!!!!!! fuck yeah!!!! honestly id forgotten that action movies can be good but they seriously can be. full of style :3 the boy and the heron: miyazaki movie about uh, grief? and isekai-ing into a cool world with freaky stuff? i heard somewhat negative reviews from my Movie Friends before watching this, which definitely colored my impression. yeah its a gorgeous movie, but also kinda messy and not super coherent imo. mr miyazaki please quit your job and spend time with your family ok. log off christmas perfection: f/m christmas hallmark romcom. protag who just wants the perfect (IRISH) christmas is transported to a world of eternal (IRISH) christmas where her parents are no longer divorced, everyone drinks hot cocoa every day, she has the perfect boyfriend, etc. will her childhood friend be able to get her out? does she even WANT to get out? so i got this rec from a post made by @.dragonomatopoeia who is apparently the hallmark romcom expert. dude. this movie is so fucking awesome. its literally christmas coraline. i love how everything is irish for no reason and also the irish. please watch this movie

video games:

zachtronics solitaire collection: ok so this is literally just a bunch of solitaire-like games. zachtronic games is infamous for making games that feel like work (spacechem, shenzhen i/o, etc). they also included solitaire minigames in several of these, which are compiled here! most of these are arent standard solitaire games, like spider or klondike. theres a solitaire based off of kabufuda, a solitaire based on mahjong (but not like that other one.) and also my favorite, tarot-based FORTUNES FOUNDATION!! which gives you a READING at the end!!! anyways i had to uninstall this game because i was spending 20 hours a week on it.

7 billion humans: parallel programming game. in a world where robots have replaced all necessary labor, whats left for mankind to do? well, make up jobs for themselves, of course! ive grown up with tomorrow corporations dry, dark, and corporate sense of humor from world of goo and that continues, of course. a fun set of problems that gets really fucking tricky, especially if you even take the teeniest peek at optimization. also has a lot of QOL improvements from the initial game such as being able to c+p code, line by line debugging, and more! i feel like youre already going to know if this game is for you or not.

in stars and time: rpg game about TIMELOOPS!!! siffrin, an adventurer, gets trapped in a timeloop on the day of the final boss. dudeeeeee ok ive been a fan of insertdisc5s writing/art for like an embarrassingly long time and it was really cool to see it in longform. some of my friends got to see me rending my hair and wailing about this game in real time even! i think isabeau + odile was my favorite non siffrin rship, but im a huge sucker for romance so the siffrin + isa stuff really got me. and in the end i got extremely suckerpunched by Loop Obsession and also every single character + convo was very delightful so who can say!!! i remember seeing some crits saying that the writing felt too 'young' or juvenile--it definitely takes a lot of inspiration from undertale, earthbound and the like, but also i think that like. the jrpg genre As A Whole demands some willingness for like. idk Earnest and Youthful Whimsy. plus i literally am a youth so it didnt bother me lol. the game definitely can feel pretty grindy at times, but its also like…. very ludonarratively accurate? or something like that?? like. you get tired of killing the same stuff + skipping the same convos As siffrin becomes inured to the loops, as they become increasingly estranged from the rest of the party. which is honestly really awesome and captures that rpg grindy feeling like nothing else really does haha. (and theres also quite a few features to ease that friction!) even if you played the demo there are some really good twists still left in there and also i teared up at the end fr. who else thought about loop (loop)

music:

i spent a lot of this month listening to the clod by no party for cao dong and scales by king isis, which ive already talked about! so im going to spotlight a couple tracks + one album ig lol?? grace by idles: this is from idles' upcoming album tangk which im super looking forward to!!!! i love when these guys do slower tracks (such as progress and mtt 420 rr from their previous album) and this is a very nice evolution from that. has a warm but slightly eerie feeling zapper by nanoray: more jungle music!!!! this is the album that introduced me to nanoray bc i knew a guy who would just blast this kind of stuff while cleaning the kitchen. favorites are nekomata '97 and salmon cannon deluxe--i tend to listen to this album in like, airports and stuff or while cleaning? its such such a wall of catgirl-themed sound that its impossible to be anxious :P iron by woodkid: ok so i found this from the playlists for in stars and time that came out before release--specifically, the one for the king? (big villain who wants to freeze the kingdom in time forever) i havent listened to this since before finishing the game and man. listening to the lyrics with additional context is kinda crazy. anyways woodkid is apparently much better known for directing a bunch of music videos such as KATY PERRYS TEENAGE DREAM? but also makes 'chamber pop' which is when, uh, pop music incorporates a lot of classical instruments? anyways i have a lot of fondness for brass (synth or not) in pop music so this was nice <3 so melancholy… so winter…learning that this was also used for an assassins creed trailer did make me like it less unfortunately.

hey whats up. writing about stuff i read a while ago isnt as interesting huh… but i also feel the need to do things in chronological order… oh well :3 the semester starts for me very soon.. how scary. anyways if you finished reading thanks as always! dont forget to stretch your hamstrings. did you know that crab rangoon is named after the city of yangon in myanmar?

#txt #i could talk about some of my favorite things from 2023..hm

[protect-namine]

also, when did zampano go blind because like. it's kinda wild that he supposedly wrote this whole report on a film plus has so many footnotes and cites many other people's reactions and commentary on the film. so my guess is... did he go blind later in life? are all those cited papers available in braille? are those what he asked the women in his life to read to him? I mean, some of those citations are from magazines so if magazines in this world are easily accessible in braille, that's pretty cool actually

but I guess the existence of the film is also in question. and johnny also was the one to publish it, and idk yet how much he changed it. he did mention it's kinda weird to read bc zampano writes so much about seeing things

also, truant writing his anecdotes in footnotes is kinda funny. he's like. "oh yeah speaking of this particular word, this reminds me of something that happened in my life and also here's a list of my own anxieties" and The Editors just. shrugged and let him keep that.

the footnotes are like book pvp with 3 narrators fighting for space and their own commentary to be included and truant is hogging it all

#mine musings #liveblogging hol

[regular-john-16278]

20 Questions for Fic Writers!

(no one tagged me I just wanna do it)

1.) How many works do you have on AO3?

7, officially, but I've been writing for yonks and I used to like write a fic and then orphan it when I was younger and I did that a lot so idk fully lol

2.) What's your current AO3 word count?

again officially, 166,268 (although this is due to start increasing again)

3.) What fandoms do you write for?

AOT & kinnporsche. I have WIPS for good omens, marauders, LOTR, Not Me, manner of death, mdzs, mortal instruments/shadowhunters & supernatural tho

4.) Top five fics by kudos?

Take Me Somewhere Nice

Blood Hands

The Usual

Don't Tell

Hear Me

(which only tells me I need to write more bc i dont like 2/5 of those anymore lol)

5.) Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

absolutely every single one if i can, although I usually leave it until ive updated then go through em all while the nxt chapter is fresh in my mind idk why

6.) What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

uhhhhhhhh they all have pretty happy endings tbh i actually rly dont like angsty endings they stress me out lol. if i had to pick maybe New Dawn Fades but thats bc its a horny ending

7.) What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

hahahahaha uhhhhh probably The Usual just bc its sooooo fucking corny and cheesy like tooth rot shit that i wrote in 2019

8.) Do you receive hate?

eh not rly, sometimes get like constructive criticism n people correcting my errors but i respect that like ur helping me out at the end of the day so cheers.

9.) Do you write smut?

yeah mate im getting my head around it i had a break but im back on that bullshit

10.) Do you write crossovers?

nah. my brain is too small to get my head around diff universes. take my metaphorical hat off to people that do write crossovers tho that shit seems super complicated to me

11.) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i am aware of but ive had people offer to publish my shit elsewhere which i have no interest in

12.) Have you ever had a fic translated?

YES by ME into ITALIAN but thats it no one else has translated my shit. I am tempted to translate all my fics into italian tho maybe

13.) Have you co-written a fic before?

sort of? i proofread for a bit, and i had a rly cool idea for a crossover collab situation with an old discord pal but that never hit the ground alas. still have the WIP somewhere on docs, who knows one day it could come into fruition.

14.) What's your all time favourite ship?

........ all time is a ROUGH question.

up until like 2020 it was eren n levi from AOT, like there was a time when i ONLY read AOT fics.

but now....

hmmmm thats rough actually. I think maybe malec just because they were like one of the first gay couples i consumed in media. Just imagine little John sat in the back of the library reading my cool nephilim demon killing book and BAM gay and bisexual characters got me feeling all warm and fuzzy n shit ygm

15.) A WIP you doubt you'll ever finish?

that is ACTIVE, lol probably New Dawn Fades idk why apologies, maybe one day

that is in my docs drive, 1000000000% the mdzs fic thats set in a lotr-esque universe AKA all the sects are elf clans. I put a shit ton of effort into planning it like honestly HOURS but im so intimidated by my plan idk if i cld ever finish it haha

16.) Writing strengths?

hmm

i like that moment when a character sees someone they are bound to fall in love with / are immediately in love with. idk if thats a strength thats more of a like

dialogue i guess, mainly bc my best fic is currently PURELY dialogue

tenderness and hurt/comfort situations omfg i live for that shit

17.) Writing weaknesses?

I get overexcited and rush shit lol

i never wanna end stuff so i drag it on for ages too so direct opposite

18.) Will you write dialogue in another language?

yessir i frequently do and intent to continue doing so

19.) What was your first fandom?

if we're talking fanfic fandom, then AOT

20.) What's your favourite fic that you've ever written?

like all my WIPS hahahahahha

if we're talking active then def take me somewhere nice tbh for some fucking reason, although im still chuffed with the concept of blood hands

do this if u want, i just saw this and felt like it bc i am procrastinating from fic writing how mad is that

#ao3 #fanfic #kinnporsche #aot

[somuch-4-stardust]

hi guys i just dusted my bookshelf now i think we should talk about my favorite books

heres a really bad picture ummm we should get the non books out of the way thats spider man (IN MY FAV SUIT I LOVE THE IRONSPIDER SUTI SO MUCH) and u cant see it but hes holding the iron gauntlet and hes sooo cool and epic and hes from my favorite non spiderman marvel movie (infinity war!!! its my fav bc it has spider man and dr strange and iron man all interacting and they are my favorites!!) and then theres a jar of frogs. ummm in there theres a few random frogs but most of them are my collection of poison dart frog figurines and also TWO frog bouncy balls one (the one u can see its got this kinda weird purple bottom) has a bumblebee frog in it (not a real one obv) also u cant really see but the jar is organized vaguely by color. also it used to be painted (thats the blue on the top and the random white spots) but i took most of the paint off (and then got lazy and didnt take off the rest of the paint) and yes its ontop of three pairs of gloves (two pairs of winter gloves and gardening gloves) that i wear sometimes when i dont want to touchanything. also i forgot to mention that spider man is number 77 which is great bc 7 is my favorite ever number which brings us into the books <3 counting by sevens (second on the top shelf, red spine) was my favorite book in like second grade . which totally has nothing to do w my obsession for the number seven hahahahahahahahahah <- lying. okay first on the top shelf i havent actually read that book it actually is probably pretty okay but i havent read anything for a long time lmao it was gifted to me by a friend tho thats why its on my Special shelf. then its counting by sevens (thats the one w the autistic girl who i was obsessed w for years. like i read the book at age like 7 and then JUST bought it last year so i could finally have it forever) and then the secret life of bees which was another gift from a friend i dont remember if i ever finished (we have the problem that i was reading it when smth traumatic happened so i dont remember shit abt it) AND THEN!! the laura ingalls wilder series which i was obsessed with in like..... third grade???? anyways i really wish i had the first few books (those are my favs!! tho i like town on the prairie too) but i didnt actually buy them my uncle gave them too me (he works in a publishing company) and he didnt even know that i liked them. then is howls moving castle which im pretty sure ive read but it was like when i was 8 so again i dont remember the book (i watched the movie recently w a friend tho it was great) then is a dictionary which i annotated (we added. our fav characters at the time to it. yeah.) and also i carried it around w me for like a month. then is anne of green gables which i also really like at some point when i was younger (yes i have seen the netflix series yes i did like it for the most part) ONTO THE SECOND SHELF !!! tuesdays at the castle was a book my friend and i read together in third grade and it was what finally got her into reading. then is the first four years which is also another laura ingalls wilder! and then its the school for good and evil (i enjoyed the first book but it got SO BAD LATER that is not the first book that i have it was one of the bad ones but again i got it from my uncle who works in The Book Industry) AND THEN!! the carry on/fangirl series!! which i was obsessed w like two years ago. then theres my book of fairy tales !!!!!!!!!! which is pretty old i think. i have older books tho i have a 1977 a 1972 and a 1959 anddd the fairy tales are only from 1997. so none of my books are SUPER old but theyre old enough u have to be careful. anyways NOT PICTURED BUT STILL IMPORTANT TO ME (they were too tall for these shelves): the chronicles of narnia, a complete collection of edgar allan poes short stories and poems (WOOOOOOO POE!!), the little house cook book (another laura ingalls wilder thing!!), the princess tales (love them when we were like five!!) sea view secret ( mystery i remember none of but our dad read it to us when we were little) THATS IT tumblr is cutting me off word count wise

#HAHA i know that no one will read this bc its so long that I dont even want to go back and reread to look for grammar/spelling errors #AND ALOS. TUMBLR SAYS 'whore ur talking to much' THIS IS SO SAD. TUMBLR JUST TOLD ME TO SHUT THE FUCK UP #guys im not. im not autistic okay dont even worry about it okay #so anyways thanks for coming to my ted talk i think tumblr will count this as a long post #if there are errors just dont even worry about it

[harrylegendstyles]

#I HAVE A BOOK SHELF NOWWWW #my room had a bunch of stacks of books and now they’re all in one place! #these aren’t all my books but they’re most of my most recent books #it’s so cool to see them like this so easily #i’ve never had a bookshelf before #AND AHH i know this picture is so bad my bed is in the way so there’s no good way to take it #but i really wanted to share it bc i love how my books look #i feel like i have a bookstore in my room #but in a good way #ALSOOO has anyone heard of 1001 dark nights blue box press #???? they publish books and on my bookstagram i posted a pic with from blood and ash and tagged it and i’m guessing that’s how they found #the post and they LIKED it! and so i added their like to my story and then they REPLIED and omg they’re so sweet and nice #AND they added my mention of them to their story!! #and it’s just so cool bc they published those books and yeah i see their name everywhere bc i keep up with the author #just super cool :) #i wanted to add that to my story but i felt like that was too much back and forth idk i have no social media etiquette #**it’s / blue box press #if anyone’s curious that lego inside that thing on top of the bookcase is harry potter dwhdkdhwkzjsj

[ectonurites]

It especially annoys me when writers get details about Jason's and Stephanie's time as Robin wrong because compared to the other Robins, their times as Robins are so short????? It's really not that hard to read or even skim through their issues because I KNOW it would be relatively quick. So even though I should expect it by now, when I see that writers didn't put in the basic amount of research lol.

Anyway fuck the Robins comic and fuck the round robin concept in general because that was a shit show that was used as an excuse to write this story instead of having more diverse comic in circulation.

LMAO YEAH NO FOR REAL!! Tim & Dick's times as Robins are massive so details (especially more n the middle parts) getting mixed up is definitely more forgivable (although landmarks like their beginnings really shouldn't be hard to find and read and reference correctly)... but Jason & Steph there's really no excuse. Steph's Robin run was literally only 6 issues as it was published (and then later there were retroactive shorter stories in Solo & the Robin 80th anniversary special). Damian's somewhere in the middle bc like, still a lot less than Dick & Tim but I think he's been in the role long enough that there's a pretty big amount of content to get through.

but yeah Round Robin in general was stupid and all those books should have just gotten made, Robins shouldn't have been part of it to begin with because a book like that was gonna get published anyways. it took away the chance for some really cool new stories and i will forever be mad about it

[i-did]

hi hello i couldn't sleep last night so i was scrolling thru all ur asks and stuff and ur opinions and analyses are so interesting!!! and then afterwards i was thinking about what u were saying about mlm smut and i'd also been thinking about such things a little bit recently bc like.....at a certain point it becomes quite clear that the vast majority of smut-writing is just imitation. like there's the sex noise verb list and all and the whole general mechanics of the sex and those things just .... replicate over and over. and the whole thing w people writing mlm vs wlw smut regardless of their own sexual orientation..... like i feel like a big part of that is just a self-perpetuating thing. like if u have not had sex and u r getting all ur (pleasure-related) sex ed from fandom (even if u do watch porn, that doesn't rlly tell u how to describe stuff? idk) regardless of What fandom , the majority is going to be mlm smut. which is itself majority imitation of other mlm smut, imitating and imitating back to whoever knows what the first smut fanfic was etc. there's just way More to mimic than there is on the women side of things. which then becomes a self-perpetuating thing, bc the mimicry continues and generates more and more. and---if there are fundamental misunderstandings of anatomy involved---those self-perpetuate as well. and maybe even exaggerate. and yeah. does this all make sense? idk i was just thinking about it. like all the stereotypes and stuff continue bc writers are getting their inspo from other writers rather than their own brains. or something. idk!!!!! it's just all... divorced from reality? bc words. or something!! i hope u get what i'm trying to say. just thoughts i've been thinking. anyway i think ur thoughts are cool. and ur writing. ok bye have a good day!!

Okay yeah this is kinda messy but hope u see this, uhh yeah I think you're right about the echo chamber effect fr about stuff. I think it's a mix of projecting too sometimes. talk more under the cut and also link to a video essay since I love video essays.

Here’s a video that sort of touches on this topic: 

“Gay fanfiction” by Sarah Z. (has CC)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H8E_C00dKwI

This video begins to talk about fetishization at the end, but also… not really. The words “gay fanfiction” is used as a catchall, when really gay fanfiction is largely mlm written by non-mlm.

Fandom is a largely women's space dominated by the female gaze in a media industry world that is dominated by men and the male gaze. I'm really glad women have this space to explore creativity and queerness, and I don't expect the female gaze to go away, but I am still ultimately bummed out I can’t read most fanfic or interact with most fandom spaces without having fetishization in my face. 

So about 80% of fandom is women, and most of those women aren't straight, but 90% of those women prefer mlm ships. Why don’t they prefer wlw ships? Well definitely part of it is the fact that queerbaiting is centered around white straight men, and then there is also the fact that women tend not to be written as well charcter wise. But the fact still remains that you get jerjean getting priority over Layla and Alvarez who are in canon just as much and are a canon wlw couple who actually interact as well as Alvarez could likely be a woc because of her Hispanic last name. Korasami doesn’t get nearly as much hype as zuko and saka, despite the fact that they are 2 fully dimensional characters who canonly kiss and hold hands, something the creators fought for and ended up having to sacrifice another reboot for. 

I do believe the fandom echo-chamber is largely responsible for… a lot of things, like you're saying. But what's interesting is that the complaints I've heard about visual porn from non mlm in the fandom space is that they can’t get off to it because its for the male gaze and misogynistic usually. But they also don't seem to notice how the mlm smut circles has the female gaze and is also… almost always mlm. If it was a pure anatomical not knowing thing, I get that, but I also think that leads to the question of “then why the male body for porn, and not your own? The one you know and are familiar with?” 

I know some people want to get outside of their own body for porn and don’t want to think of their own anatomy at all, but overall I'm still uncomfortable. If an anglo said “well I watch porn of only Mexicans so I don't self insert” I'm gonna be like … hhhh in a similar way. I understand people “like what they like” but I wish they also noticed said patterns in the first place. I understand the t4t tumblr porn circle, and how it's different from cis people who only watch trans porn. 

I actually wished that instead of fandom focusing on mlm ships where some asshole guy hits on bottom troupe charcter for top troupe character to save, was instead… a wlw character experiencing said shitty getting hit on and other wlw swooping in. what's interesting is fandom writes a lot about misogynistic experiences without often realizing it. Ive read fanfic where guys get called sluts for sleeping with people or called bitch for speaking their mind, these arent things men usually experience, but rather women. Fandom has a lot of internalized misogyny and also queerphobia imo. Women characters often get pushed to the sidelines and men become the canvas for female fans to project onto. 

There is this natural inclination to mlm. When people are talking about “gay shipping” or “gay books” or “gay feels” or even just “gay” mlm is what’s largely in mind. I honestly am kinda saddened by this because if gay fanfiction was really solely about writing more to feel represented, then you would see a lot of bi and ace and lesbian rep, but this isn't the case. Queer women are seriously underrepresented, and I want to hear their stories and read them in fanfiction as well as published. 50% of lgbt literature is mlm, and of that its largely written by women. Becky Albertalli, Rainbow Rowell, Maggie Stiefvater, are the YA big names and are all women writing mlm. Red white and royal blue is written by Casey McQuiston and Captive prince (which is not YA) is written by C. S. Pacat, who is non-binary, but is also TME and not mlm. These are all the big names in mlm lit, behind them is some gay men, but honestly their stories aren't preferred, they're not the right “flavor” for the consumers usually, who are largely women. In general YA consumers and authors are women, but I wish that they… just wrote about women too. I think there is a certain… snowball effect to the overrepresentation of mlm representing the whole LGBT community that leads to fetishization, as well as misogyny playing a factor in: less women characters being written well to write fanfic on, when they are written well they're taken less seriously or the audience struggles to relate to them, they're less marketable then men. 

Idk I never feel “seen” or “represented” by any of the books above, which don't address boyhood and manhood and queerness intersecting really, and AFTG doesn’t either. I relate to AFTG as a trauma victim who has experienced a lot of what many of the characters go through and have gone through in the EC as well as them just overall being very well written characters, but I don't relate to it as a mlm really. I've never seen like.. gay voice or being straight passing or femphobia or how boyhood can be affected from a young age by those around you sensing you're ‘other’ or if you didn't experience this you feel outside the mlm community. Let alone sub cultures like bear and leather and pup, at most you see the word “he's such a twink” in fandom which... i fr hate non mlm using that word because it's usually used to replace the f-slur essentially, used derogatorily or to call him “such a bottom” and stuff like that. It’s like a joke or an insult.

Long story short, idk mang this was a ramble and I think I'm coning down with something. I wanna see more queer women rep and women authors writing about being a queer woman too. I think it's a complex web of fetishization and a bit of forbidden love yaoi culture (or it used to be in the BOYXBOY days) as well as misogyny on an industry level, creator level, as well as reader/consumer and fandom level. I don’t think it’s inherently wrong to explore other peoples stories and what we read has to be segregated, “only mlm are allowed to read and write mlm, only wlw are allowed to read and write wlw,” but I also think author’s intent and audience and background is telling, as well as overall statistics. Like about an hour ago I was looking for cookbooks in spanish or in english, and I was looking for some mexican food cook books, but I had to look for them using words in spanish because otherwise what came up was a bunch of “fiesta party, easy as uno dos tres authentic cooking!” and I was like… hm. Since I could tell they were marketing to anglos. (also the author’s last names were like michelle smith, james cooper, and this could be for a variety of reasons, but I trust Hispanic names more tbh and deadass would look at the authors pictures and if they had other books in Spanish or what their specialties were.)

anyways. not sure how to end this. uhm if anyone has any book recs (my to read list is like 500 books tho no joke) preferably not YA white mlm written by a white lady, hopefully queer women written by queer woman, LMK, I need more wlw and queer women stories on my list. I have a decent amount but always looking for more. I kinda wanna link my goodreads or my storygraph but I also don't want to get doxxed and it has my legal name on it so.

Also, I'm dyslexic and using spell check but if there's like some wild typos my b.

#ask #fandom politics #fandom culture #fandom psychology #mailob

[bean-na-farraige-agus-foraoise]

Druids ain’t shit and here’s why.

Straight from the Pond- here’s a lesson from your friendly neighborhood historian.

It’s a long post so the history lesson is under the cut. 

Druidic “history” (or pseudohistory rather) actually begins with early renaissance politics. 

Basically Italy is dominating politics and religion by being able to call back to an ancient history that led directly into the formation of the centralized Catholic church. Surprising nobody who's familiar with European history- the German states want in on that action but they don't really have that direct line linking them to antiquity beyond their conquering by Rome- so, like any good 15th century academics, they create that link by just making shit up. 

So they look back at ancient roman writings, and see mention of druids, and also realize that they actually don't know fuck all about them, there's no records of them beyond a few classical authors- and for the record, classical authors are NOTORIOUSLY unreliable, there are entire graduate level seminars dedicated to teaching people how to read through ancient Roman propaganda, almost every druid I have ever met has taken classical authors at face value, anyway I digress, they just start making up a history of the druids, German lands used to be populated by Celts, and they create these mystical druids who serve as the direct precursor to The Church in these areas, like they forge documents and everything so when Italy goes "oh yeah since when?" they have something to hold up as a "gotcha" - they fashion statues and hide them in crypts as further evidence. It’s wild. 

So, France sees that the German states are becoming more politically popular within the HRE (Holy Roman Empire) because of these druid stories, and so they go "Hey Celts used to live in France too... we should have druids"- and they create druid stories. Scotland at the time is very close with France politically and they go "Hey us too, we're still Celts,” and then it spreads to Wales, and then England. Ireland is mostly staying out of druid nonsense- like in this period of the OG pseudohistories Ireland is like "this is disgusting we don't want druids" so like all the writings in Ireland in this period on druids are like "yeah the Church HATES druids"

Things quiet down for a little bit, because the stories are established, the cards have been played, whatever, but then Neo-Classicism and the Enlightenment- and now suddenly it's cool to have ancient history again - but like... Britain has "we got conquered by Rome" or "hey a few centuries ago people were saying we had druids?”; so naturally the more nationalistic go with druids....which is how we get, Iolo Morganweg.  Iolo's real name is Edward Williams but he insisted on going by his "bardic name"- bc druids.  Williams was a Welsh antiquarian- who is in some scholastic circles considered the father of “modern” druidry.  Williams literally named his son Taliesin after the bardic poet behind the Poems of Taliesin which is frequently in association with the Mabinogi in Brythonic texts. To pull from the wiki on this asshole: 

[he made] claims that ancient Druidic tradition had survived the Roman conquest, the conversion of the populace to Christianity, the persecution of bards under King Edward I, and other adversities. His forgeries develop an elaborate mystical philosophy, which he claimed as a direct continuation of ancient Druidic practice. Williams's reportedly heavy use of laudanum may have been a contributing factor

Yeah.... just... yeah. So not only did he forge like hella documents, which today in the 21st century, over 100 years after he was revealed as a fraud, are still more popular than the originals- but he also is the reason that ogham is like that. Williams created a ‘bardic alphabet’ based on combining Scandinavian runes and extant ogham - we are still wading through his bullshit trying to fix ogham. 

And this brings us to the Celtic Twilight...... 

To quote @liminalblessings​, “And a bunch of noodle fuckers decide "hey, we didn't bastardize the Irish enough for the last however long.... We should do more of that."” But for those of you not familiar with the term, it's a nationalistic pan-Celtic movement that wanted to like, make the Celts in vogue again? but like their idea of the Celts as "noble savage” - because the modern era was scary. At this point, Pan-Celtic Nationalism is starting to rise as pushback against British colonialism in Celtic nations. Unfortunately it's heavily reliant on the Druid myth as like.... A foundational shared cultural history between the surviving Celtic nations. The point largely is, though, "look at us. We should all be sticking together because we're the same / cousins / brothers". Which leads to a L O T of Celtic culture from various countries kind of getting.... molded into one singular idea- which is USUALLY what we think of today when we think of Celts. Basically everything gets branded as Irish because the Irish were “pure” and a “separate racial identity” as opposed to the Scots and Welsh. It took that idea of a pan-Celtic singularity, and then went ham with it mostly on Irish pre-Christian stuff, and as it occurred not too long after Williams’ fuckery, it really cemented those forgeries and psuedohistories in the cultural memory. And Williams wasn’t exposed as a fraud until after the Celtic Twilight had died down.

Now... Yeats, we all know Yeats- some people recommend his writings for learning about the fairies. DO NOT LISTEN TO THOSE PEOPLE. Yeats makes up an entire tree calendar, and also files all Scottish fairy lore under the “Irish” tab because he’s part of the Celtic Twilight and didn’t you know that everything Celtic is actually Irish? Fuck this guy. #yeetyeats

Enter... Robert Graves- destroyer of histories and all around fuckwit. Graves maked up an ENTIRE religious notion around a mother goddess and shit. And like, the irony of that is the people he supposedly went to originally were like lol dude you're a fucking idiot none of this is real. But he published it anyways and of course it got taken seriously. And then there's a lot of reverse etymology at this point which is just.... really bad linguistics. And because of Graves’ white goddess + said bad linguistics by others, you get Danu.(Danu is a whole thing, please shoot me an ask if you want a post about all of that nonsense). 

So.... Gerald Gardener.... to quote @liminalblessings​ again- “didn’t have a direct role in druidism, except he kind of did.”  See, Gardner had a good friend who was hella interested in the Celtic twilight. Said friend was hella inspiried by Gardner's "recreation" of old British trad witch traditions... But he didn't jive with the old British trad witch traditions. HE jived with Irish Druidry. So while Gardner's doing HIS thing, his friend's doing the modern Druid thing- heavily drawing from Gardner's own work but "making it more historically Druid" Except, as you may have picked up- there is no such thing as “historically druid” that can be reconstructed. Basically he can only pull from Williams, but because he had issues with with the old 15th century on stuff, up to the Twilight era (despite those being his sources) so he tries to distance himself from the earlier movements and leans hella heavy into Gardner's work as a result. Which is, if you've ever wondered, why Wicca and Druidry have such incredibly similar ritual structures and beliefs.

SO, this guy starts the Druid Order, decides that he’s gonna like pull his teachings from Williams- but he's also gonna say that Williams has nothing to do with his druidry because y'know, Williams has relatively recently been revealed as a fraud. This guy goes through the grueling process of ripping off his best bud gardner founding Druidry, right. So The Druid Order has this rebranding in 1951, that lauds the “history of the druids” as written by Williams but simultaneously rejects Williams saying “yeah we have nothing whatsoever to do with that guy.” Mix into this narrative, Gardener’s “burning times” bullshit, and now not only do we have mythical pseudohistorical druids, but a rewrite of Williams’ “the druids survived conversion” which then turned into - “The druids were heavily persecuted by the church and survived a horrible burning times but despite this there’s a tradition of continuous druidic belief.” Here begins the bullshit known as “vestiges of pagan thought”- which took actual historians not even a decade to disprove, and yet still circulates in pagan circles, because nobody picks up a fucking book.  Theoretical Folkloric archaeology became very popular at this time, which postulates (incorrectly) that all folk traditions and folklore absolutely stems from Pagan times and is 100% the Christianization of pagan practices and thoughts- which is not at all true. (Not-so-friendly reminder that Eostre? DOESN’T FUCKING EXIST. STOP FALLING FOR A JOKE MADE BY A MONK)

Td;lr so far- the druids went from 

the Catholic clergy before the Catholics existed 

to 

a religious group that survived conversion

to

druids survived an intense and violent persecution 

And now? In this our 21st century? 

Well.... druidic organizations today tend to still push these ahistorical narratives, that buy into the pagan persecution complex.... and several of these organizations also have known racists and terfs on their recommended reading lists. And while some organizations have made attempts to become more historically accurate- but the end result is usually.... bad. It tends to result in them using a source from like 1960 that’s been disproven 1000 times since by other historians to go “look a historian agrees with us!” rather than like... keep up with current research trends and academic standards. Druids also tend to be hostile to the syncretism of the Irish church which is just..... so fucking dumb. Don’t worship gaelic deities if you can’t accept that our lore are Christian texts about pagan beliefs. 

So yeah..... druids ain’t shit and I can prove it historically. I am also more than willing to send anyone links to full length books on the history of druids if you want to learn more. 

#anti-druidic rhetoric #druids #druidry #fuck druids #druidism #druid

[mallowstep]

(Reedwhisker anon)

The Erin's don't say and Reedwhisker is made an apprentice around the same time Ashfur and Ferncloud were, thereabouts I'd expect. (Both Brindleface and Mistyfoot were pregnant at the same time. I think Brindle's litter is a moon or 2 older though. Idk.) But he has been through ALOT. When I realized Mistyfoot didn't mention her kits in Canon I assumed those whose bones were mixed in with Bonehill, but then I noticed Reedwhisker in TNP and investigated him, found out he was Reedpaw, Misty's kit, and had the same thoughts you did. Mistyfoot, who wouldn't stop training Featherpaw even though she, too, was starved? Mistyfoot who watched her brother die but kept on going for Stormpaw and Featherpaw? Like...forget her own son in Canon? Like she would have told Grey and Fire to take Feather and Storm and she'd have gone back for her son. Her only surviving kit. She made him her fucking deputy, a mother's love is literally the MOST painful life a leader receives. In Misty AU, there is no Choice. It sucks, it's fucking painful, but Featherpaw is dying and they need to get out. But I can also see Reedpaw being the one of the few cats desensitized to EVERYTHING when Tigerstar loses all his nine lives? Man, I can even see him say "Oh...so this has happened now too. Can anything else get more fucked up?" Especially in Leopard AU. He's. Well in that one, he's seen and heard some shit. Now a leader's had all nine lives ripped from them with one blow and all clans have three days to get the fuck out or else? And Shadowclan just...flees back to their territory after trashing Riverclan's, their leader and medicine cat aren't talking (not that he can blame Leopardstar, he hates Mudfur too, by now.) He doesn't have a mentor anymore. (Not that Blackfoot really was one.) And he still hasn't seen his mother, or Feather, or Storm. But yay, his dad can actually treat him like he's his son again? So...that's something, I guess. Misty AU, after the Bloodclan battle, finding out his mom's pregnant with that monster's kits, like Twanypaw wasn't enough of a reminder. Tbh, I think he'd honestly have some beef with Twany. "You willingly gave up your mom, who loves you, and your brother, who also loves you and joined a fucking monster? Are you for real right now?" (In either AU, this warrior WOULD definitely have interrupted the Gathering once Blackstar announced Twanypelt's kits names. "You're letting her settle an innocent with that name, giving THAT Monster a fucking Legacy, and burdening her son with THE SAME SHIT SHE LEFT THUNDERCLAN FOR SHADOWCLAN FOR? ARE YOU FOR FUCKING REAL? BECAUSE THERE NEEDS TO BE A GOOD TIGER-WHATEVER THE FUCK? SHE'S A FUCKING SHITTY QUEEN, AND YOU'RE A SHITTY LEADER, BLACKSTAR.") Just...Reedpaw telling Stone or Misty everything he saw and heard that night Feathervand her escaped, Leopardstar's first death, how she struggled against Tigerstar and "he just held her head in the river and looked at her like she was a kit he was chastising." He shakes as he says this, choking on the last words, and Mudfur has to bring him poppy seeds to help him sleep that night. He gives me feels. In Canon he survives Tigerclan, Bloodclan, the destruction of the forest, the journey to the lake, the Great Battle, and now this whole no Starclan thing. If there was ever someone who needed therapy it's him...and I can't really see Reedwhisker being the type to think Misty didn't love him. He knows he was relatively safe compared to Feather and Storm, and...tbh I think he'd tell Misty she made the right choice. And I think that would probably break Mistyfoot's heart more in all three AUs then anything else. Feather's, too. (She's too kind, I swear.)

/nm but for the future if y'all don't mind trying to include some paragraph breaks for your local adhder that would be Appreciated. ik on the old ask box it's not possible but. if you're using the new one i really struggle with text walls. (it's ironic bc i tend to write them but.)

okay. gonna do sentence my sentence thing.

The Erin's don't say and Reedwhisker is made an apprentice around the same time Ashfur and Ferncloud were, thereabouts I'd expect.

(Both Brindleface and Mistyfoot were pregnant at the same time. I think Brindle's litter is a moon or 2 older though. Idk.)

But he has been through ALOT.

When I realized Mistyfoot didn't mention her kits in Canon I assumed those whose bones were mixed in with Bonehill, but then I noticed Reedwhisker in TNP and investigated him, found out he was Reedpaw, Misty's kit, and had the same thoughts you did.

Mistyfoot, who wouldn't stop training Featherpaw even though she, too, was starved?

Mistyfoot who watched her brother die but kept on going for Stormpaw and Featherpaw?

Like...forget her own son in Canon?

Like she would have told Grey and Fire to take Feather and Storm and she'd have gone back for her son. Her only surviving kit.

She made him her fucking deputy, a mother's love is literally the MOST painful life a leader receives.

In Misty AU, there is no Choice. It sucks, it's fucking painful, but Featherpaw is dying and they need to get out.

But I can also see Reedpaw being the one of the few cats desensitized to EVERYTHING when Tigerstar loses all his nine lives?

Man, I can even see him say "Oh...so this has happened now too. Can anything else get more fucked up?"

Especially in Leopard AU.

He's.

Well in that one, he's seen and heard some shit.

Now a leader's had all nine lives ripped from them with one blow and all clans have three days to get the fuck out or else?

And Shadowclan just...flees back to their territory after trashing Riverclan's, their leader and medicine cat aren't talking (not that he can blame Leopardstar, he hates Mudfur too, by now.)

He doesn't have a mentor anymore.

(Not that Blackfoot really was one.)

And he still hasn't seen his mother, or Feather, or Storm.

But yay, his dad can actually treat him like he's his son again?

So...that's something, I guess.

Misty AU, after the Bloodclan battle, finding out his mom's pregnant with that monster's kits, like Twanypaw wasn't enough of a reminder.

Tbh, I think he'd honestly have some beef with Twany.

"You willingly gave up your mom, who loves you, and your brother, who also loves you and joined a fucking monster? Are you for real right now?"

(In either AU, this warrior WOULD definitely have interrupted the Gathering once Blackstar announced Twanypelt's kits names.

"You're letting her settle an innocent with that name, giving THAT Monster a fucking Legacy, and burdening her son with THE SAME SHIT SHE LEFT THUNDERCLAN FOR SHADOWCLAN FOR? ARE YOU FOR FUCKING REAL?

BECAUSE THERE NEEDS TO BE A GOOD TIGER-WHATEVER THE FUCK?

SHE'S A FUCKING SHITTY QUEEN, AND YOU'RE A SHITTY LEADER, BLACKSTAR.")

Just...Reedpaw telling Stone or Misty everything he saw and heard that night Feathervand her escaped, Leopardstar's first death, how she struggled against Tigerstar and "he just held her head in the river and looked at her like she was a kit he was chastising."

He shakes as he says this, choking on the last words, and Mudfur has to bring him poppy seeds to help him sleep that night. He gives me feels.

In Canon he survives Tigerclan, Bloodclan, the destruction of the forest, the journey to the lake, the Great Battle, and now this whole no Starclan thing.

If there was ever someone who needed therapy it's him...and I can't really see Reedwhisker being the type to think Misty didn't love him.

He knows he was relatively safe compared to Feather and Storm, and...tbh I think he'd tell Misty she made the right choice.

And I think that would probably break Mistyfoot's heart more in all three AUs then anything else.

Feather's, too. (She's too kind, I swear.)

okay cool let's start at the top. i love u anon just want u to know. everything u send me about this makes me feel so many things. my beloved. <3

re reedwhisker's age: unless/until i get a confirmation that he was apprenticed, etc., on page, or an erin statement about it, i'm maintaining my position. he doesn't show up in asir which you would 100% expect him to, and asir was published june 2020, which means reedwhisker as mistystar's surviving kit was known, which means that i really don't think he was born yet. like i really, really, really think that someone mistakenly went, "well, mistyfoot had a litter in tpb, so reedwhisker was a part of that litter," and we've all just been operating under that assumption.

(open to changing that opinion on evidence. i just need a source -- an erin statement, author chat, blogclan, a book, w/e, just something that will confirm when reedwhisker was actually born.)

because like -- ferncloud is nearly a year older than the bramble, storm, primrose, etc., so i don't know. there's no good timeline. reedwhisker appears as a fully grown warrior in twilight. so. heck if i know.

like there's no way mistyfoot would leave him behind? there's no way he wouldn't want to reunite with stormfur and feathertail and his mom? like he would be in asir, right? i'm not crazy? of all cats?

scream.

but moving on from my open anger re. the reedpaw problem;

i mean -- to be clear, mistyfoot and featherpaw are in riverclan from the beginning of tigerclan to the end in the misty au. no escapes are made. so even if reedpaw was alive, they're there. unlike the other aus, the misty au is Defined by yours truly because i'm actually writing it. so none of that angst, just the -- pain of watching the fall.

hnng.

and yeah he's just. so done and over everything.

and oh my god like -- he thinks he's Very alone in the leopard au. because he doesn't -- oh my god. and when they show up in riverclan again it's great but also -- he's been alone witnessing all of this Shit holy god i swear.

mistyfoot is...not Really visibly pregnant until after tigerclan, and he wouldn't be close enough to smell it, so yeah -- he'd still be surprised. or maybe. not surprised so much as. argh. you know like. he doesn't want to face it.

i like the idea of him having this very complex but entirely one-sided relationship to tawny. like, they went through some pretty similar stuff, but she chose it, and embraced it, and that's. you know. and she doesn't really think of him because she doesn't Know that like. mistyfoot is his mom.

and yes more people calling out tawnypelt's terrible naming decisions. i mean i love the angst it gives me for writing purposes and tigerheart is my favourite husband in warriors (he's so in love with his wife i love him for that), but yeah. what.

and oh my god like -- he would be the one to explain things. because -- i mean because he's scared and alone and is the only one who saw this and hasn't been able to say anything and he finally sees his family and Safe and. they're all watching him like "oh shit how the fuck did it get worse after we left" and oh-

all of these cats need therapy.

[ID: text that reads "5. Hawkwing and Frecklewish invent therapy." /end ID]

(a chapter title from "Heathertail's School for Attractive, Murderous She-Cats")

and yes. yes yes he would. i bet mistyfoot would apologize and he would be like -

no, why are you apologizing? i was safe, you weren't

and he wasn't really safe but seeing him just -- seeing how he just has this. i dunno how to say it. but when mistyfoot sees him and how's he's just had to grapple with this and oh.

she would be so upset.

<3

#reed au #ask #anon #misty au #leopard au #mine

[boylebingo]

fic writers tag

@montygreen​ tagged me in this ages ago but I have been having the nuttiest couple of weeks so it took me a hot sec to get to this, but I do appreciate it and if you somehow don’t already follow leila on here, you should go do that rn

now down to business :) 

1) How many works do you have on AO3? only 3 at the moment! 

2) What’s your total AO3 word count? 45238 as of today 

3) How many fandoms have you written for and what are they? just never have i ever! although i’m sure there are a few unfinished, never-published, years-old stories from assorted fandoms from when I was younger floating around in the void somewhere

4) What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

haha well I’ve only got 3 published, but the number one spot goes to vanilla ice cream, which makes sense since it’s the only one i’ve actually finished so far 🙈

5) What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

none of them? i feel like the reason i often read fic is because there is some unresolved canon-angst that i want someone else to resolve so while i definitely have points of tension, all of my stories tend to end (or are planned to end) happy  

6) What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

i think vanilla ice cream will still probably be the fluffiest bc of that epilogue i decided to write last minute, even once i finish all the others. but they’re all pretty happy 🥰

7) Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

not so far, though i try to make it a habit to never say never. I think its one of those things that’s really difficult to write well and I’m just not sure it’s in my skillset to do so. but who knows? maybe one day! 

8) Do you write smut? If so what kind?

see above haha. it’s pretty much the exact same answer :) 

9) Do you respond to comments, why or why not? 

I really try to answer all of them, although I know I missed a bunch while I was on a sorta unplanned writing hiatus. It’s only been a year of me posting anything I’ve written and it still genuinely baffles me that people not only read but also enjoy the things I put out there into the world, so every “thank you for reading” is from the heart for me and it’s so worth taking the two seconds to make my appreciation known. 

10. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

no, thankfully! i think part of that is just i haven’t been around that long haha

11) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

i don’t... think so? 

12) Have you ever had a fic translated?

no but how cool is that? i wasn’t even really aware that was a thing that could happen! 

13) Have you ever co-written a fic before?

no! but if anyone wants to feel free to hmu 👀 i am super busy rn but i would love to eventually cuz so many of the folks who write for this show are so talented

14) What’s your all time favorite ship?

oh gosh. all time is really, really hard. obvi for NHIE i’ve fully boarded the ben/devi train, but some other all time TV faves of mine are ben/leslie from parks&rec, david/patrick from schitts creek, and josh/donna from the west wing. you might be able to tell i love a rivals to lovers moment from some of these lol 💀 but there are so many that i love for different reasons it’s like picking a favorite child lmao

15) What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

I do have plans to finish the 2 remaining fics up on ao3, but I will admit, the rosy dot over the i of loving was... ambitious, and not exactly well thought out when I started it. so it may be a while. i haven’t started much else new since those 3 went up, since i’ve been trying to finish what i’ve started. but i have had this ben/devi idea rattling around in my brain ever since i read the book “the unhoneymooners” that I am just not sure i’ll ever quite get around to. 

16) What are your writing strengths?

i like to think i’m pretty good at writing dialogue! in college, i took a creative writing class for playwriting, where it was drilled into our head that you want to get as much of the story as humanly possible out through words, rather than actions. basically my professors argument was that any stage direction could be ignored by a director if the action/object/setting/etc. wasn’t directly referred to in lines said by a character. so if it was important to you, we should make someone talk about it! i think because of that my narration tends to be a little sparser (but hopefully that’s to the benefit of the dialogue!!)

oh, and i also took a class in humor writing and got an A, so.... 👀

17) What are your writing weaknesses?

i think i could be a lot better at coming up with themes/symbols/metaphors/etc. Having not really planned out the WIPs on AO3 now, this was hard to do, so I guess that also goes hand in hand with my time management haha. But yeah I find it a little difficult to have those sorts of literary devices in longer works (i used to write a lot more poetry and it was a little easier for me in that format so i have faith that i can get better).

18) What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

i only fluently speak english and you do not want to see me butcher french or german, let alone a language I’ve never taken courses in. so it’s a hard no for me personally haha. that said if you know more than another language, first of all i’m jealous, and second of all, go for it! 

19) What was the first fandom you wrote for?

i don’t really know! like i said i used to write things without publishing them anywhere, so it’s hard to remember. maybe harry potter, when I was like 10? i feel like i probably wrote the same self-insert hogwarts moment that literally every 10 year old in the late-aughts was writing haha

i know for sure there was a b99 fic that was almost published on ao3 back in like season 2 or 3? that’s why my username is what it is 😊

20) What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

i’m really proud of finishing vanilla ice cream. buuuut i am also really proud of the poems in the rosy dot over the i of loving and i think if i ever finish that one, it will be my favorite for pushing me out of my writing comfort zone.  

Tagging: fellow benvi advocate and @gross-vishwakumar and anyone else who would like to answer that hasn’t already been tagged by someone else cuz i know i got to this a bit late lol 🙈

[fogsrollingin]

SPN Fic Reclist: 2020 variety pack 

For the supernatural fan community fandomnatural on reddit, for this thread I read and found fics to rec that were published on AO3 in 2020 in each of these categories: team free will, found family, dean-cas centric, and sam-dean centric, and other. Link to my catalogue of ficrecs. Ready? Let’s go!

Endings, Beginnings, And Some Parts In Between by Lolapola. Gen, G, 5k words. Summary: Dean's death from Dean's point of view, and what Sam does next. This is an AU of sorts to the finale; in some ways I stick with canon but after Dean's death I change things up a bit and make it a bit more found-family focused, with a smattering of scenes and details I would've liked to see. ao3.org/works/27717175 my thoughts: I enjoyed this fic a lot. I loved the concept of intro-ing the new Death, then Sam coming to Jody with Miracle, becoming a father, then Dean Jr's perspective for a bit. Finally an extended finale scene of the finale on the bridge, happy endings all around, f yeah!!! 😆😊

Of Sleepless Nights, Unhelpful Minds and the Strange Behaviour of Older Brothers by broken_ankle. Teen+, Dean/Cas, Sam&Dean, 4k words. Summary: Sam's mind has never been the most useful thing, but he's used to the ebb and flow of its functioning. Not being able to fall asleep, losing time, hyperfixating on a meaningless particular, being incapable of focusing on anything when not hunting, those are just things he's been coping with for his whole life. When Dean begins behaving strangely, that's just something to add to the list while preferably finding out why, and where is Castiel going at night, anyway? ao3.org/works/27198985 my thoughts: This fic takes place somewhere in S4. I loved neuro atypical Sam, his perspective as he stresses and worries and loves his brother, awww. Then some soft, sweet Dean and Cas cuddles. Dean explicitly comes out to Sam as bi in this fic whatwith how he's spending nights with Cas and Sam is happy for him and Dean's happy and it's a HAPPY FIC but also the narrative featuring Sam's executive dysfunction keeps it grounded. This fic is so fractured yet everything is emotionally coherent and lovely. Totally worth reading and giving kudos bc it doesn't have enough imo

Nothing Equals the Splendor by RurouniHime Dean/Cas, rated E, 7k words. Summary: Maybe it’s the cynic in him. The hunter, always under the surface of any quietude he ever found. Or maybe it’s just that he has always had trouble with blind faith. But after a while (a blink? A decade? A century?), Dean raises his eyebrows, looks around, and says—“Uh. No.” It’s so close. Just so slightly imperfect. And maybe, he analyzes, maybe that’s the final knell of this bell called contentment. Dean’s experience with happiness has always been that last rise in the road, right before it turns. Right before fate comes barreling around the corner head on. He turns in his spot on the bridge, and suddenly Sam is like a cellophane film through which he can see the light streaming, and the taste of cheap beer on his tongue is much, much older a memory than it should be. “Oh, you’re good,” he says, and means it. ao3.org/works/27744514 my thoughts: so I lit upon this destiel fic and loved it. First, I need to acknowledge this author has a fantastic style and handle on prose. I loved some of their turns of phrase; they're strikingly elegant! As for the plot, the utter grief and emotionally-hurt!Dean in having lost Cas is tangible. He has moments of revelation about sexuality, physical bodies, etc.  that I really appreciated. It was so thoughtful, giving Dean's processing of Castiel's final speech so much weight. When Cas comes back, the sex is literally transcendent 😂 it was fantastic. And finally, Sam makes a small appearance and the amount of love circling between them is so wholesome. A+ fic, highly recommend!

Familiar - (The Tale Of A Mage And His Cat) by Merenwen76, art/illustrations by amberdreams. Jared/Jensen, Teen+, 30k words. Summary: Since he was a little boy, Jared has only one wish; to become a magician like his father and brother. Although Jared is extremely talented, his familiar - his soulmate - must find him to pass the exam. When it almost seems that Jared can never become a true magician, a tabby tomcat enters his life and turns it upside down. But what is the secret behind the tomcat with the most beautiful green eyes? ao3.org/works/27504847 my thoughts: The Jared angst actually got me emotional in this one for a little bit, I was not expecting that! hahaha. Wow though, this was such a great story, such a satisfying read. Jared's mean family, the kind mage teacher at school (also Jared's lovely uncle and his store), the elusive Familiar (the anticipation buuuuuilds!). Jared's cool talents as a mage and there's some bits about his inherent goodness/oneness with nature that's so cool, cat!Jensen and his own unique power(s) & then this fantastic action-y ending. YES! I was so happy with this fic 😊🥰️ ALSO shoutout to the lovely amberdreams for their artwork in this fic. It was so innocent and nostalgic, almost. Like an adorable children’s book romance.  🥰️ 🥰️ 🥰️ This fic’s been added to my animal transformation reclist and soul stuff reclist.

Another Go Round by KassandraScarlett. Teen and Up, Sam/Dean, 21k words. Summary: Someone sends Dean back to 2009, with a mission: change the past, change the present, so the apocalypse never happens.Dean leaves behind a Croatoan-ridden world, only to stumble into the one person he's always loved more than anything else.Or:Zachariah doesn't send Dean to 2014. Instead, Chuck sends the Dean of the future to 2009. ao3.org/works/23284600 my thoughts: The aaaaaaangst in this one was so, so amazing. I loved how kassandra had future Dean, this savage post-apocalyptic warrior, realize he was in the past, pre-apocalypse, he's got Sam, and everything falls away and he gets to love Sam again. And Sam, how desperate he is during this time period in canon for Dean's affection... 😭😭😭 ugh, this was so good, y’all. This fic’s been added to my alternative seasons 4 & 5 reclist & my time travel reclist

#my fic recs #spn multishipping #2020 variety pack #wincest #destiel #j2 #padackles #spn genfic #spn gen #gen #gencest #gencestiel 😂 #sam/dean #dean/cas #spn fanfic #supernatural fanfiction #spn fanfiction #supernatural fanfic #spn fic #supernatural fic #spn fic recs #supernatural fic recs #spn fanfic recs #supernatural fanfiction recommendations

[savrenim]

I’ve got to say there’s something kind of depressing about only having 7 folks following my patreon just bc, like.... I put so much work into it! I have really cool posts every week! and cool longer posts every month! it’s really cool content that I really want to share and it’s, like. kind of depressing that only a handful of people are getting to even see that content! to the point where honestly I’m mildly tempted to make my patreon be “all content for paying patrons is early release that following patrons will get after a month” just to see if more people will follow me, but, like. mildly worried that even that won’t happen!

but, like. more than that it mostly solidly feels like my work isn’t valued?

like. I started publishing ifmlam in dec of 2015, which was kind of me re-entrance since high school into publishing things onto the general internet. ifmlam is 204233 words. that is two full-length novels. it was meticulously researched to the point where most end-of-chapter notes basically have a works cited, and needed to be meticulously researched because it was in a field that thoroughly was not my own I had not had a US history class since high school type deal. I worked on it during my last year and a half in college, in time that I could have spent studying for GREs, applying to grad school, and writing my thesis-- all things that certainly would not have been hurt from extra time spent. people left comments going “if this were a physical book I would buy it.” which, like!! mostly was just flattering!! it was a labor of love that I started out writing for myself and didn’t really expect anything to come from it! but it did kind of transform into a burden that I kept writing because it had a following, and, like. any future work that gets put into it is mildly coming from a sense of obligation to finish for the people who care about it, and it kind of makes it feel in hindsight like I was creating a product and it was a product put out there for free and the only thing that resulted is a lot of people who want more of that free product that is no longer a labor of love, it is meticulous research and meticulous writing and meticulous editing and time out of a graduate thesis and job applications and writing papers in my field and things that are so intrinsically more important than when I was writing it in college

and, like, I have boundaries, I’m only going to write when I have the time and inspiration to write, but gods has ifmlam turned into a burden and was a burden for a fair portion of the end there of writing it and it’s a mild bummer that it’s a burden that people do not care about throwing me $1 a month or, like. hell, people have bought me two ko-fis in the entire five years I have been writing. and I know I haven’t advertised a lot. and I know that mostly I haven’t needed the money. but, like.

I have published 387735 words on ao3 in the last five years, and certainly have more than 20k of drafts that, like. honestly should be ready to post in the next month or so. so, like, round up, that is more than four full novels length. and back when it was just fanfiction that I was working on, like, yeah it’s just fanfiction and that is not the sort of thing that I hell even would feel comfortable making money from. and I know nothing is published so people can’t see it now, but, like. my primary writing isn’t fanfiction anymore! it’s an actual proper full novel! draft 1 will be done and going out to betas in the next week or two! that I am going to be putting out there for free!. and my patreon really isn’t about “support me bc I’ve been writing fanfiction”, it’s a “hey you’ve seen my writing samples over the course of five years and wordcount of four novels so you trust that I’m a good writer, right? do you maybe want to hop on the bandwagon to try to support my original work too?”

I’ve run the costs from cover to ISBN to copyright filing to actually setting up a personal website to getting print drafts of the book and, like, esp given that I decided screw it I’ve been saving up for years I really want to commission one of my friends to make a professional cover, Opus I is going to cost me out-of-pocket more than $1000 to publish. and it’s being released for free. even if thousands of people read it, as I have set this up, I will not make a single penny from it. and that is okay, I knew that going in. but I definitely can’t afford to pay $1000 out of pocket to publish Opus II, or like. any of the dozens of books that I really do want to publish and have them look polished and professional going forward, that even cutting out cover art carry a price tag of ~$300 for me to do on my own.

and I guess I just...really hoped that there would be enough people either that went “yo your work is cool we trust you on this” to throw what comes out to $12/year, which, like. is the cost of a more expensive ebook if the goal is to be able to release about a book in the Opus series per year, or even just who are enough interested in the content that I have to put out that hey $1/month really is not a lot and the thought process behind my writing is interesting and valued.

and it feels like I’m being dumb and whining complaining in the first place and I’m stupidly lucky to have any sort of following at all or anyone willing to read even the fic I put out or comment on it, like. it’s super cool that my work is acknowledged and read period end! and honestly I think it’s mostly bothering me because, like. I am super self-conscious about “is anyone even going to bother to read Opus” and the fact that this thing that I set up to lay the foundations for and support my original writing only has seven people following and five of those people are close personal friends really does not bode well for feeling like there is any sort of interest in what else I can produce other than the fanfiction that I already have up, but, like

my patreon is cool!!! my content is cool!!! my book is going to be cool!!! and I just really wish there were more people seeing it!

#my life #my writing #it feels so dumb and tiny and petty to care #esp bc so far all I've put out is fanfiction and like. I'm well aware that on the scale of broke writers on the internet #I sit in the 'well it's at least not paycheck to paycheck' category #and my work being accessible and being read is the most important thing to me #and it feels dumb and selfish to center my writing around those principles and then surprised pikachu feel not valued #but whatever I'm allowed to have contradictory emotions #also hella not trying to guilt anyone into signing up #honestly mostly just wanted to vent

[florenceandthemachine]

in which i still do not know how to answer an ask without publishing it too soon

@maysgrant  asked:

since im in astronaut au mode, what about a soft fic about eddie going stargazing ?

please enjoy this short mess feat soft dad eddie with minimal stargazing bc i can’t stick to a prompt to save my life.

(fun fact—a few years back I applied for a job with nasa and made it past the screening and the exam all the way to the interview round but the interviewer scheduled me in the wrong time zone so I missed the interview completely and cried for two days! anyway I love space very much and love your astronaut au and also love you ok onward)

“What’s that one?”

“Mmmm, that one is… Cassiopeia, the Queen.”

As much as Eddie loved Los Angeles, as much as he loved the city, as much as Eddie loved his life with Chris, and Buck, and the 118, sometimes he longed for El Paso.

Sometimes he longed for clean, dry air, for cool desert rains, but more than anything, he missed looking up and seeing stars when the sun set. He had grown up with the ability to see the Milky Way right outside his bedroom window (or at least, that was how it felt as a kid). Abuela used to tell him about every star, every constellation, every story behind them all, and Eddie had kept that information with him for years.

As great as LA was, it was shitty for stargazing—the city never slept, literally, and when Eddie looked up at the sky he could hardly see more than the Hollywood sign when he wanted to forget everything manmade.

It mocked him.

“What about that one?”

“Ooh, good eye. That’s not a star, that’s a whole planet. You’re looking straight at Jupiter, kid.”

“Wow.”

Yeah, wow.

As usual, Carla was the answer. She had no more than mentioned the word ‘stargazing’ while recounting the road trip her husband had taken for his birthday, and Eddie was all over her, begging politely asking her for more information. Turns out, less than two hours outside of the city, there was one of the best state parks in the country to look up into the sky at night.

Who would have thought?

The fact that it was just as easy to convince Buck to take a night off with him as it was for Eddie to pull Chris out of school the next day said a lot; and while Eddie wasn’t usually one to be super introspective about his relationship, he could tell that it meant just as much for Buck to be included with he and Christopher as it did for Eddie to be able to open himself up to someone outside of their little bubble. 

He had to admit—as excited as he was to share what was such an important part of his childhood (and such a good memory), he was a little worried that Chris wouldn’t feel the same way Eddie did about it. Chris, of course, immediately put that fear to rest—he had immediately dug out one of the beaten old Astronomy books Eddie had given to him, and spent the entire two hour drive 

God, sometimes Eddie forgot just how hungry his kid was to learn. 

“Okay, okay, you see that one buddy? The one that’s moving really fast?”

“Is that a shooting star?”

“No, even cooler—that’s the international space station. There’s astronauts from all over the world up there.”

“Really?!”

Chris’ little hands were flying over the book that Eddie had given him so long ago, easily filling in some of the information the book left out (yes, stars really could explode, no, they didn’t actually twinkle). It might have been a little shallow, but Eddie still loved feeling like he was useful for Chris—the kid who was outlearning him at an alarming pace. He lived for the moments that he got to share; even if he all but promised Chris a telescope for his next birthday, it was more than worth it to see the awed look on his face as he looked up to his dad.

He had all but cocooned himself between Eddie and Buck, claiming the fluffiest pillow for himself, the overstuffed duvet Eddie had spread over them covered in an assortment of snacks. Eddie might have gone a little overboard in the blanket department, but he couldn’t find a reason to think of that as a bad thing—who said their miniature camping excursion had to be uncomfortable? 

(Buck, to his credit, had made it exactly one half hour into stargazing before dozing off in the mountain of blankets Eddie had piled up in the bed of the truck—his head resting on Eddie’s shoulder, Chris resting between the two of them, all but using Buck as a glorified booster seat.

Eddie didn’t mind—the fact that Buck felt safe and comfortable enough to sleep around him made his heart warm in a way he wasn’t sure he was allowed to think about.)

“Do you think I can get my own constellation?”

“You already do, buddy... see, that one, right there. That’s Cepheus—the king of the world!”

Any protests that Chris tried to squeak out were immediately negated by the force of his giggles.

At some point in time during the evening, in between telling Chris all about Andromeda and Leo, about Orion and the Scorpion, Eddie had to admit, he stopped watching the sky and started to watch Chris. For so much of his life, he had felt guilty, like he had to make up for all the time that he had missed when Chris was a baby, but looking back now, he wouldn’t change a thing—even if it did hurt him to admit it. After the tsunami, Eddie had brought Chris and Buck back together the next day, his reasoning simple—it was Chris’ turn to save Buck, just like Buck had done for Chris, but now was one of those moments where he realized that Chris didn’t just save Buck—he had saved Eddie, too. 

‘I miss you all the time.’

Hearing that had done a number on Eddie, but looking back, it was easy to identify that as the lynchpin, the catalyst of change that pushed them across the country, into the 118, that had brought Sharon back into their lives for the end of hers, that had thrown Buck at him before Eddie even knew what was going on. More importantly, it was the moment where Eddie realized that Chris wasn’t just his kid, he was his own person—he existed outside of anything that Eddie could control or maintain, and it was all he could do to hold on as Chris took charge in his own life.

He could barely remember what it felt like, to be so young, and open, and willing to take whatever information the world could give you. It wasn’t always easy to see himself in his kid, but he prayed that Chris never lost that sense of curiosity, of wonder, that he had when he was a kid himself (that all but abandoned him now, taunting him, hovering just out of his reach). 

He couldn’t resist leaning over as Chris looked down at his book, kissing the crown of his son’s head, letting himself breathe for only a moment through the mess of curls as he closed his eyes.

“Where’s the Big Dipper?”

Eddie grinned and hunched down next to Chris’ eye level, mindful of the human body he was using as a seat, his index finger tracing over the familiar cluster of stars.

"See, here’s the head, and body, and legs, and tail... and right between the Big Dipper and Cepheus… that one is the Little Dipper. Big Bear and Little Bear.”

“Just like you and me, huh dad?”

Eddie had to swallow before responding.

“Yeah buddy, just like you and me.”

(”Buck can be Virgo.” Chris decided after a long moment of quiet, nodding sagely as Eddie had to choke down a laugh as to not wake the Virgin himself.)

#flospeaks #floreplies #eddie diaz #chris diaz #stargazing #astronomy #911 #buddie (kinda) but more eddie and chris being soft #eddie is such a good father it makes me cry #chris diaz is a national treasure #GUESS WHAT IT'S SOFT DAD EDDIE OCLOCK #flos weird jobs