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#and instead of wallowing in it they are gonna use it to their advantage to do what they can with what they’re given
ifidiedinadream · 1 year
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Hi 🤍
I have a little (T) Error Twin request for you
👉👈
The boys are on tour and Joel gets some hate online (for whatever reason). He isolates himself in the bus, trying to deal with it on his own. But Joonas notices something is off and when he checks on him, he just pulls Joel into a hug and smooches his face.
thank you for this lovely prompt 🥰
Joel doesn’t know why he keeps doing it. 
Why he always tries to make his mood worse when it’s already awful, if it’s a punishment he thrusts upon himself for god knows what reason or if he’s actually just plain stupid. It’s probably the second option, all things considered.  
The last few days of tour have been terrible on their own; stressful, exhausting, nothing seems to ever go smoothly and the constant setbacks have been making him anxious. 
To make everything worse, the bus just broke down in the middle of nowhere between venues, and they don’t know if they’re gonna make it to the next city in time. And obviously, unable to dwell in the uncertainty calm and collected like Aleksi or Niko would do, Joel decided to go online for “distraction”. 
Instead of TikTok or Instagram he’s surfing Jodel, and Joel wishes he knew why he chose to do that, because it’s the place most likely to show him what he doesn’t want to see. Criticism. A lot of it. 
(Not that he cares. He’s used to criticism and usually it doesn’t get under his skin, not to this extent at least; but when his mood is already sour everything is heavier and Joel doesn’t feel half as strong as he usually does.) 
That’s how he ended up staring at his phone screen, on a broken down bus in the middle of nowhere running out of time, with tears prickling at the back of his eyes. It makes him feel even more pathetic, which only makes him want to cry more. He just can’t win. 
No one is around, everyone taking advantage of the broken down vehicle to stretch their legs and maybe go look for an actual toilet somewhere. However, the shame of being so stupid makes Joel want to hide nonetheless, so he goes in his bunk, draws the curtain, and lets those stupid, stupid tears fall, in the hopes they won’t bug him again once he lets them run freely for a couple of minutes. 
But it’s never only a couple of minutes, Joel should know by now; after the first tear rolls down his cheek it’s like a domino effect in reverse and they just don’t seem to stop. Joel hates it, he hates it so much. The tightening ache in his chest worsens with every breath he takes and he loathes himself for how useless, powerless he is. 
Can’t even handle some lazy, low-effort hate online. 
His sobs quieten when the boys come back. His plan is to pretend to be asleep. 
“Joel, our driver managed to fix the bus, we should be at the venue in time for the show,” Joonas announces loudly as soon as he steps inside. “Wait, where’s Joel?” 
The others don’t respond; Joel pictures them shrugging. He sighs in relief at the news but now he just wishes they all went away again so he could wallow in peace. 
However, the bus starts as soon as he finishes the thought. They’re back on the road. He keeps on pretending to be asleep when someone enters the bunk area, even when that someone pulls his curtain aside. 
“I knew you’d be here,” Joonas says and Joel is facing the wall on the opposite side. “What’s wrong?” 
Of course Joonas would ask what’s wrong, not whether something is wrong. He knows him so well and Joel is thankful for it, but still he wishes he could be left alone. He doesn’t feel like talking. 
He grumbles vaguely, hoping to convey the message to Joonas. Joonas, however, doesn’t seem to get the memo. He forces himself into Joel’s definitely too small bunk, hugging Joel vehemently and tightly before hastily grabbing his face in his hands and violently smooching his face. Joel can’t help but chuckle at Joonas’ aggressively affectionate ways, and when Joonas notices, he just kisses his face more, sending Joel into a straight up laughing fit. 
Joonas is holding him when he can breathe again. 
“Don’t let it get to you, okay?” Joonas says, breaking the silence. Ever so wisely; like he knew exactly what’s going on in Joel’s messy head. 
Joel nods, hugging him tighter.
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cj-sparkss · 3 years
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Hello hello!! Can I request a small scenario in which reader and Jean are dating and during training she overhears him talking with the boys about how much he likes Mikasa (he was refering to her moves in the 3dmanuvergear) and the reader just straight up tells him "If you like her so much you can date her" and before he can explains Levi call them to continue training and Jean cant clear the misunderstanding until later. Some angst with fluf at the end
i’m all yours -
jean’s masterlist
a/n | I very slightly changed the story line, but it stays true to what you wanted. I hope you enjoy! warnings | none category | fluff/angst wc | 2.7k+  pairing | jean kirstein & reader
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You and Jean have been dating for three months. It was everything you could ever ask for, and more. He was caring, kind, passionate, considerate, funny, cocky too, but that only added to his amazing personality.
You loved jean with all your heart, and you never doubted that he loved you as much as you loved him, maybe even more.
At least you never did, until today.
"Come on. Wake up. We're gonna be late to breakfast and be left with the crappy leftovers."
You open one of your eyes to see Mikasa standing in front of you, aggressively shaking your shoulders and calling your name.
You groan and mumble out, "Five more minutes." while turning over. In response she shakes your shoulders even more aggressively.
"Fine, fine. I'm getting up." You sit up with a huff and attempt to run your hands through your messy bed hair.
"Good. Put on your gear too. We have training right after breakfast today."
"Okayy. Thank you for waking me up Mikasa."
"Your welcome. Hurry up."
And with that she turns around and silently shuts the door behind her.
After you've gotten ready, you walk down the hall. As you're about to enter the dining hall, you feel two strong arms wrap around your waist, and a head on your shoulder. Your nose catches a whiff of sandalwood, and you immediately recognize your boyfriend, Jean. You turn your head to give him a kiss on his cheek, and his cheeks erupt in a soft pink. You find it cute that you both still get nervous around each other even after three months of dating.
"Good morning Jean."
"Good morning. Come on. Let's go eat." Jean cocks his head towards the dining hall, he grabs your hand, softly intertwining his fingers with yours to lead you to your usual table in the back.
Sasha and Connie are sitting on one side, Marco on the other. There are two spaces to the right of him left vacant for you and Jean. You sit on the right closest to the wall, Jean in the middle of you and Marco. Your food trays are already there, waiting to be eaten.
"Good morning guys."
"Good morning love birds."
Before you even fully sit down in your seat, Sasha moves her hands to your tray.
"Can I please, please, please have your bread roll?"
Sasha looks up at you with gleaming eyes and a pout on her face. Everyone else would fall for the nice act, but you are used to Sasha's tricks. It only took you two months of getting your food stolen to realize.
As she's about to take your bread, Jean swats her hand away and gives her a glare shooting daggers into her eyes.
"Stop stealing her food. She needs to eat and you're gonna get fat."
"Owwww. You're gonna pay for that Jean-boy."
Jean scoffs and turns to you, stuffing your mouth with the bread roll before placing a kiss on your forehead.
Connie turns to Sasha and makes a vomiting face.
"Ewww. Get a room guys, nasty."
"Oh shut up Connie. You're just jealous that I get to kiss my girlfriend and that you don't have the balls to ask Sasha out and kiss her instead."
The table goes silent in shock for a few seconds, then you and the others burst out in laughter, Sasha and Connie's faces as red as a tomato looking everywhere but at each other.
After the laughter died down, you all sat there eating your food, making small talk and random jokes with everyone once in a while. The breakfast today was a roll of bread, a piece of bacon, and a bowl of soggy bean soup.
Could be worse.
After breakfast, you and the others flocked out on the field in front of Captain Levi.
"Good morning brats. Today we are going to start off with sparring. Grab a partner and get going."
You ended up being partners with Marco, and Jean with Mikasa. You didn't think anything of it, they have been partners countless of times, but Jean used to have the biggest crush on Mikasa, one that everyone knew about, including her. You were wary about it at first, but once you guys started talking, it faded away you suppose, and you weren't jealous or anything now. That was at least until you saw Mikasa pressed up against Jean's body, struggling to get out of his grasp. What are they doing?
"Hello? Are you paying attention?" Your gaze is snapped back to Marco, him questionably staring at you while in a fighting stance.
"Oh, sorry. I got distracted." You move into a fighting stance, one hand in front of your face, the other below in front of your chest. “Shall we begin?"
Marco nods his head in response.
You guys both lunge at each other, fists out about to blow. You are about to deal an uppercut to Marco when Jean's laughter catches your attention, causing you to shift your head to where it was coming from to see Jean on the floor and Mikasa standing over him.
Marco uses you being distracted to his advantage and deals a punch right in the middle of your stomach, causing you to grab your stomach and double over in pain.
"Oh my god. Are you okay? Did I go over-board?"
You look up and see Marco standing in front of you, casting a shadow over you.
"No, no I'm okay." Your voice barely comes out as a wheeze.
"No you're not. Come on. Let's get you to the infirmary. CONNIE!"
Connie comes running over, giving you a concerning look.
"Connie, can you tell Captain Levi that she got badly injured during sparring, and that I'm taking her to the infirmary?"
"Of course. Feel better. Go easy."
"Thanks Connie."
Once you’re settled in the infirmary, you hear knocking on the door.
"Come in!"
Jean walks in, holding one of your favorite flowers in his hand. He walks over to where you’re laying on a bed, and sits besides you.
"How are you feeling kid?"
"Pretty bad. Who knew Marco could pack that hard of a punch? Though I was distracted."
"By what?"
You quickly realize what you had said, and you mentally curse at yourself.
"Oh nothing. Just heard a bird."
"Mhm. You should get some sleep. I have to go do something, but I'll be back soon. Okay?"
You nod your head. Jean kisses you on the cheek, and walks out the door. Soon enough, you are sleeping peacefully on the bed.
When you wake up, it's almost dark outside, and you realize you must have been knocked out for quite a while. You stand up and walk outside the infirmary. You hear voices down the hall, and you creep down quietly, making sure not to make any notice. As you near the source of the voices, you hear a familiar voice speaking. You hide behind the corner of the wall separating you and them.
"You should've seen Mikasa. She was amazing. Her style was perfect, nothing was going wrong, honestly she is one of the best of the best."
You would recognize that voice anywhere. Jean? What was he doing talking about Mikasa like that?
You peer into the distance, and make out three figures. One is obviously Jean, the other you make out to be Reiner and then there's a shorter guy, but you can't see who it is.
"I bet you liked training with her huhhh. Oooooh Jeannnnn." Reiner nudges his shoulder, making kissing sounds and faces at Jean.
"Oh shutup Reiner. But it was an experience. I'm glad I got to spend some time with Mikasa today. It's been a while since I've laughed with her, and frankly I've missed it."
You can't help the tears starting to flow down your face. Why was Jean talking about her like that? He missed her? You thought he was over her. You thought he wanted to be with you now. Why was this happening? Your sniffles start to become more audible, and Jean looks over to the wall where you are and his face goes pale. He starts to run over to you a moment after.
You try to go the opposite way before he can get to you, but with your recent injuries you aren't able to.
Jean grabs your wrist and in one swift motion turns you around. "What were you doing. Why are you crying?" He reaches his hand to your face, but you slap his hand away.
"Why are you talking about Mikasa like that? What do you mean you missed her? And why were you all pressed into her during training? Tell me!"
Jean gives you a shocked expression, and hesitates a moment before answering you.
"Wait. Please let me explain."
"No you don't need to explain anything. I understand now.”
Your emotions start to take the better of you and you speak without thinking of your next choice of words.
"If you like her so much you can just date her instead. Save us both the trouble."
Jean's jaw drops in shock at your sentence, still trying to process what just happened before Connie appears behind him.
"Jean! Captain Levi wants us back. Hurry or your going to be on stable duty he said!"
Jean turns around to glare at the boy but lets his grip on your wrist loosen. You use this chance to slip your way out the back door. When Jean turns around and realizes that your hand has slipped out, you are already gone.
You go outside, tears falling down your face not even close to stopping, and you slump down against a tree, bringing your knees up to your chest and burying your head in your arms. You begin to cry and cry. How could you have not known Jean was still focused on Mikasa? How could you have been so blind all this time? You felt so stupid.
After wallowing in your own self pity for what seems like an hour, you hear leaves rustling and branches cracking besides you. You look up to your right revealing Jean looking down at you, eyebrows furrowed trying to figure out what to say.
You slowly stand up and turn so you're looking up at him. You silently stare at his features, admiring how attractive he looked. You get lost in his amber eyes, noting how the moonlight made them stand out even in the dark. You look at how his two toned hair is shining in the light, making it look soft and luscious, how his locks laid neatly on his head, the wind blowing it ever so slightly. You used everything in you to fight the urge to reach your hand out to tangle your fingers in his hair, just to hug him and to forget everything that went down earlier.
"What do you want Jean. I heard every thing that happened, you don't need to explain anything. I understand that I'm not the person you want to be with." As you say this, tears start to pool in your eyes, but you blink them back. You will not let yourself cry over him again. "Why don't you do the both of us a favor and jus-"
"I love you."
Jean interrupts you mid sentence, surprising you with his choice of words. Did you hear that correctly? Did he just say I love you?
He pays attention to your face, studying your reaction to what he had just said. You don't even realize you have left your mouth agape, your face holding a shocked expression.
"W- What?"
"I love you. Hell, I am pretty sure I have loved you since the first time I laid my eyes on you." He runs his hands through his hair, messing it up slightly thinking of his next words carefully.
"Since the first time I saw you eating at the dining hall, I - I was taken aback by your beauty. I was a stuttering mess around you at first, I could barely even form functioning sentences around you. Even today I get all shy whenever you touch me in the slightest way. It wasn't just your beauty I fell for, but your personality. The way a room lit up whenever you walked in, the way your smile could make anyone that was sad happy in only a matter of seconds. The way your laughter is contagious and would make anyone join in on laughing with you. You are everything I could ask for and more. I am in love you.”
You couldn't believe what you were hearing. Your expression stayed the same. Did Jean really mean everything he was saying? Was he really that in love with you?
"B- But then why were you talking about Mikasa like that? Saying she was amazing and super talented. I haven't seen you talking about her like that since you were crushing on her like crazy. I always knew you loved her before me, and I accepted that, but I thought it was all over. I thought you were done with that. I don't want to be your second choice. I don't want to be the girl you just settled for since you couldn't have her. Please don't do that to me." Once again, tears start to pool in your eyes. You looked down in confusion. Why was he saying all this? Was he just leading you on to make Mikasa jealous all this time? Why? Your tears were starting to stream down your face, but you couldn't stop them from falling this time.
"Look at me. Please." Jean stepped closer to you, putting his finger under your chin and gently brought your face up to look at his. He reached his hand up and wiped away some of your tears with the back of his hand.
"I was just talking about her combat skills. That's all. Nothing more. The truth is, I was never really in love with Mikasa. I was only in love with the idea of her. As soon as I saw you, she hasn't even come across my mind romantically like you had. You consumed my thoughts, day and night. I couldn't think about anything else besides you, and I still can't. You were never my second choice. I never just settled for you, I chose you. And I will choose you a thousand more times again, over and over. I love you. I want to be with you. Not with her. I'm all yours."
You look at him in awe. He loves you. You let your emotions get the better of you. Uncontrollable tears are still streaming down your face, blurring your vision. You close the distance between the two of you, and you wrap your arms around his body, pushing your head into his chest. Jean tenses at first, but then returns the gesture, one arm around your waist, the other arm holding your head, running his fingers through your hair. You breathe in his scent, letting yourself become vulnerable in his arms. He doesn't even care about the tear stains and snot you're leaving on his shirt.
"I'm sorry for making you cry. Forgive me? Please."
"It's okay. I forgive you Jean. I'm sorry for being jealous and lashing out." You feel your knees start to give out, and you collapse in Jean's arms, Jean tightening his grip around your waist to prevent you from falling, both of you slowly sinking to the ground in unison.
"Jean?"
"Mhm?"
You move your head back enough to look into his amber eyes, Jean tilting his head in a curious manner. "I love you too." You can see his cheeks burn red, and he looks away to the side attempting, but failing to hide his blush.
"Promise me this is forever. That no more stupid fights like this will happen anymore." You press your head back into his chest, holding onto him even tighter.
"I promise."
After all that crying, your eyes start to feel heavier, and your breathing slows, until you fall asleep protected in Jean's arms, him holding you for the rest of the night.
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5uptic · 3 years
Text
crewfu: fanfic spotlight!
We work together by Anonymous (5up & DK, unrated, gen | 248 words)
Summary: One likes plants and baking, the other loves to create and design video games. They stay up and create monstrosities together, it's their fun, it's their favourite game. Aka a 5up and Dk roommate au!
No matter how life tangles, I’m still here with you. by hungryandsleepy (5up/Steve, general rating, m/m | 279 words)
Summary: 5up has been working so hard on his new map, and of course, he needs someone to give him a motivation to go to sleep.
objectively pretty by vesque (5up/Steve, general rating, m/m | 462 words)
Summary: steve is drunk. he's pretty sure 5up is too. that doesn't mean being called pretty is any less momentuous.
you plus me by mangoedges (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 489 words)
Summary: 5up and Steve meet.
he said to me by mangoedges (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 656 words)
Summary: 5up and Steve share a moment.
by the snowmen by mangoedges (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 670 words)
Summary: Steve has a moment when it's all over.
today you got to know me (a little bit too slowly) by runninohhoney (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 675 words)
Summary: Steve lights up a cigarette. 5up doesn't smoke.
what would it take by mangoedges (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 787 words)
Summary: It's Steve's first mission. He hecks up. Or does he?
sorta cute by floweruru (5up/Steve, unrated, m/m | 822 words)
Summary: ‘I wouldn’t do that,’ he said. ‘That’s just disrespectful,’ he said. Yet there was 5up, crushed like a can in Steve’s embrace, feebly kicking at nothing as his feet leave the pavement.
i was gonna kill u, but ur kinda cute?? by Cthulhuer (5up/Steve, general rating, m/m | 1k words)
Summary: Steve is a mess and 5up is worse.
I hear a Symphony by AwkwardAce (5up/Fundy, unrated, m/m | 1.1k words)
Summary: He exhaled until his lungs ached for air, fingers twitching as he opted to remove the sleek white gloves he wore in a feeble effort to soothe himself. It didn’t work. He wrung his trembling hands together as his eyes raked down the worn leather case taking in the doodles- some etched some drawn- across the faded surface. He snapped the buckles open and his breath hitched, catching in his already tight throat. For a moment the world span, his head throbbed and he wanted nothing more than to run and hide. 5up breathed out slowly, shakily.
staring by lytriis (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 1.1k words)
Summary: steve asks 5up out. 5up doesn’t know how to respond.
and it's four am, and yet, you're here by vesque (5up/Steve, general rating, m/m | 1.2k words)
Summary: in which steve shows up at 5up's house, in the middle of the night, completely spontaneously
more than this by mangoedges (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 1.2k words)
Summary: Steve catches 5up venting.
3:15 by vesque (5up/Steve, general rating, m/m | 1.2k words)
Summary: Steve tries to guess Five's name. It's much more difficult than he anticipated.
things were different by fourpebbles (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 1.5k words)
Summary: His eyes circled around to his friends, Kimi and Janet engaging in pleasant comversation, sleepy and becoming increasingly more sober. He looked, finally, across him, and caught Dumbdog staring at him. What now bro, what did this guy want. small talk, turns into not small talk, then there's no talk
Once Upon A Dream by SmearedWords (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 1.5k words)
Summary: 5up looks ethereal, while Steve is struggling to breathe. "You're not real either." Or: Steve has a crush and a nightmare in three parts, 5up is tired, the crew life is hard and Polus sucks.
the ones you love will call you back by homeward_bound (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 1.8k words)
Summary: stevesuptic: dude, is it weird that i miss vegas   DumbDog: No? I do too.   stevesuptic: okay [steve misses vegas and apollo. they talk about it]
cough it out by cj__writes (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 2k words)
Summary: Apollo thinks that Steve must be well and truly gone, at this point, because he giggles, like Apollo’s just told a particularly funny joke. He looks Apollo right in the eye and asks, “Do you trust me?” “Absolutely not.”
ivy by Secular_Czar (5up/Steve, teen rating, gen | 2.1k words)
Summary: It might be a sad day, in general, but Steve isn't about to let it get to him. His friends won't ever let him wallow either.
The Colosseum by WhenTheFogClears (general rating, gen | 2.1k words)
Summary: Five squinted, looking at the colosseum intensely. He thinks Apollo was latched onto the sphinx’s shoulder, fur matted with blood. Janet was slumped against a column, probably out, with Kimi whose bow was snapped in two, her leg twisted at an odd angle. DK was in the corner trying to cast various supporting hexes and charms with a broken arm, whilst Hafu was dragging a heavily bandaged Steve away. or 5up slaughters a cat
Oneshots :) by woofles1990 (5up/Fundy, 5up/Steve, teen rating, multi | 2.5k words, oneshot collection)
Summary: Just a bunch of MCYT/Among Us oneshots, mainly featuring 5up's crew because yes :)
the adventures of 5up and steve staying up late because they're under 30 by 5280ft (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 2.5k words)
Summary: “The night is young!” Steve yells at the ceiling, throwing his hands up in the air. “Take advantage of it! Commit crimes! Fuck hoes!” Five catches his hands in the air and laughs. “You wish you had hoes.”
unreasonably in love by cj__writes (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 2.6k words, chaptered WIP)
Summary: "It was like pieces of a puzzle, everything coming together. And now, here they are, standing in their apartment, which looks more like a hollow shell than a home, filled solely with scattered boxes and the minuscule amount of furniture that they brought with them to Vegas." Or: what happens after Apollo and Steve move in together.
cant be love by fourpebbles (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 3.5 words, chaptered WIP)
Summary: He had chuckled to himself, he felt so stupid. Who in their fucking minds names a playlist 'sugr?', he thought, internally cringing. A story where a Steve meets an Apollo, and some things happen.
Somewhere in the darkness, us together for a while by tumtummeke (Apollo & Kimi & Steve, teen rating, gen | 3.6k words)
Summary: Apollo worries about Steve. Steve breaks his vape pen. Kimi plays power washer. Self-indulgent angst, with a generous helping of friendship and cuddles.
odyssey by 5280ft (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 23k words, chaptered WIP)
Summary: "First you will come to the Sirens who enchant all who come near them. If any one unwarily draws in too close and hears the singing of the Sirens...they warble him to death with the sweetness of their song. Therefore pass these Sirens by and stop your men's ears with wax that none of them may hear." -Homer, The Odyssey
Also: SilverSprinklez10‘s yupwaves collection.
Summary: This is a Harry Potter AU based on the characters/personas of the youtubers/streamers.
FAQ:
Wait what is this: pretty straight to the point! i’ll regularly share crewfu-related fanfictions to this blog :)
How regularly is “regularly”?: great question! LOL. it depends on the flow of fanfics that get uploaded, which i do not have any control over, but i’m looking forward to do this twice a month. after all, it’s only me doing this and i often run on a tight schedule.
What’s the format like?:
[title of fic with link] by [author of the fic with link] ([main pairing(s), if there is one/multiple], [fic rating: eg, general rating], [relationship: eg, m/m] | [word count in k] ([added prompt to specify if it’s complete or not)])
Summary: [summary provided by the author. if it doesn’t have a summary, a “No summary” prompt will be put instead]
(What does WIP mean again?): Work In Progress :)
Why are you doing this?: from the beginning, my blog has hosted conversations about RPF (real people fiction) and crewfu pairings. this has evolved into people sending me updates about certain fics in the crewfu tags every now and then, but i wanna take the next step and just do these things myself. after all, i’m already lurking in the tags often to see the fics that get posted. as someone who is both a writer and a reader, i wanna appreciate fanfic writers and help out other people that want to read fanfic and consume more fandom content!
Will it be AO3 only?: well, ao3 has a very helpful tag system that makes finding fics incredibly easy, as well as allowing people with no accounts to like and comment on fics, so that’s the site i will personally look in for fanworks. but if there are any fics you’ve written or liked in any other platforms, such as wattpad, you can always contact me through my inbox (send an ask or a dm!), and i’ll make sure to include for the next fanfic spotlight :)
Does it mean you won’t reply to fic asks anymore?: yeah, i guess. since i’ll be doing the searching myself it seems counterproductive. but if i ever skip a fic or again, it’s in another platform, or you’ve posted/read the fic a while ago and you want to get more traction on it, hit me up and i’ll take it into consideration!
Will you read every single one of the fics on your list?: oh no. again, i run on a tight schedule, and also i have my own taste when it comes to fics. i won’t be reviewing fics or any of the sort, and my intention extends to simply sharing these fics to this page so people will have easier access to them :) that’s where ao3 tagging becomes SUPER useful!!!
So what’s the criteria for the way you’ll sort out the fics in your list?: word count, going from lowest to highest. in case of fics in other platforms, i guess i’ll put them at the top of the list. i’ll also be looking for fairly recent fics, so let me know if you want any old-ish fic to be included.
I see you talking mostly about 5up/Steve and Steve/Apollo. Can I still send/see other crewfu fics?: why yes absolutely! my goal is to push every fic which heavily features regular crewfu characters - 5uptic and supdog just happen to be very popular pairings. so, to give you a list: core 4 (5up, hafu, dk, steve), apollo, aipha, annie, janet, kimi, ellum, koji... you know the drill. it doesn’t have to be centered on a relationship, or about 5up in specific, etc. my only requirement is that any of the previously mentioned members are a central part of the fic or are HEAVILY featured in it (sorry, minecraft fics with 50+ tags who only mention 5up as an afterthought won’t make the cut :/).
Isn’t shipping Bad™?: well, it’s a little more nuanced than that. i will go out of my way to discourage and shame people who often violate CCs’ boundaries by acting like so and so has a crush on this person, or that this and that are Actually Into Each Other or secretly dating. any sort of tinhat bullshit is a big nono (think larries). but i run on the assumption that people who write rpf understand that what they’re doing is simply write a completely fictional story using real life personalities, and understand the boundaries necessary to do it - aka they’re not tinhats, they understand they can’t assume everything about CCs’ thoughts and personalities, they understand that what they’re writing is strictly fiction, they keep these works only in fandom circles, etc. (but again, it’s only one me doing this, so please be kind if i don’t happen to know that this person is Actually a tinhat or whatever).
show fic: NO. (seriously. i don’t feel comfortable putting my ao3 account out there. please respect my privacy on these trying times <3)
I REALLY don’t care about your rpf/fic talk: fair! i’ll be tagging every single one of these posts as “fanfic spotlight”, so just mute the tag using tumblr settings so you’ll never have to look at these! likewise, you can follow the tag if you want to keep up with it, or search it on my blog to look at the other entries you might have missed (but this is the first one! lol).
Hey, my fic is here and I don’t feel comfortable with it being shared over here: no problem! let me know as soon as you can and i’ll take it down <3
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sergeantsporks · 3 years
Text
Whatever It Takes
Rating: Teen and Up, Gen
TW: Self-harm, attempted suicide, emotional manipulation
“While I’ve got you here, want to hear the complete history of wild magic? I’m sure you’ll find it very interesting, considering that you’re old enough to have lived through it.”
“I am not, you little brat. Shut your mouth, I don’t want to listen to your voice.” “Yeah? What if I don’t want to shut up? What if I feel like singing?"
Hunter is a difficult prisoner to keep, and Lilith and Eda are about to find that out the hard way.
Ao3
Ch 2/4: Prisoner
Ch 1
Eda perched on a chair, watching her new prisoner. “When do you think he’ll wake up?”
Lilith finished tying Hunter to a chair with a roll of her eyes. “If I hit him hard enough, not for a while.”
“Should we… try to wake him up?”
“Titan’s veins, Edalyn, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this anxious before.”
“I’ve never kept a coven head tied up in my basement before!” Eda peered at him. “What does he even eat?”
“Nothing. He photosynthesizes. I don’t know, Eda, probably the same thing we eat. He’s a witch, after all.”
“He’s a powerless witch. What if they have human diets?”
“I—this is ridiculous. Keeping prisoners isn’t that scary, I’ll walk you through it.”
Eda squinted at her sister. “Oh, yeah. Sometimes I forget that you were…” she rolled a hand. “A horrible person.”
“Hmph.”
Hunter groaned, and Eda grinned. “Guess you didn’t hit him hard enough.”
Hunter’s eyes shot open, and he glanced around wildly, kicking his feet and straining against his bonds. “Wha—where-?”
His kicking knocked over the chair, and he fell backwards with a crash. “Ow.”
Eda snorted. “Behold, the mighty head of the emperor’s coven.”
“Oh, great. It’s you.”
Eda picked the chair up, flicking Hunter’s head. “YYYYYep. Nice to see you too, nerd.”
He shook his head, as if trying to clear it. “Ugh—Darius! What happened to him?! Where’d he go?!”
Lilith studied her nails. “He left you high and dry. He didn’t care if we captured or killed you. You know how it is.”
“Is this the part where you try to convince me to, as we say in the coven, pull a Lilith, betray the emperor horribly, and end up sad and lonely?”
“They do not say that!”
“I don’t want you on our side,” Eda interrupted, shooting her sister a “don’t react” look, “I wouldn’t trust you for a second. I want you to tell me what happened to Raine Whispers.”
Hunter leaned back as best he could while tied up, looking bored. “The emperor killed them slowly and painfully. Next question?”
Eda’s heart stuttered dangerously in her chest. “Liar,” she snarled, “Your precious emperor hasn’t appointed a new coven head yet—so Raine’s still alive. Where are they?!”
Hunter clicked his tongue. “Let’s see… coven head prisoner, coven head prisoner, mmmmmm doesn’t ring any bells.”
Lilith put a hand on Eda’s shoulder as she growled. “Oh, Hunter. Your bravado isn’t fooling anyone. You know how the emperor’s coven works as well as I. No one is coming for you. There is no holding out until rescue, because there will be no rescue. Don’t make this harder on yourself than it has to be—who are you even keeping quiet for? An emperor who doesn’t care enough about you to come for you? Just tell us what you know about the bard coven head.”
He rocked back and forth in the chair, looking up at the ceiling, unconcerned. “Or what? You’ll torture me?”
Lilith raised an eyebrow. “If that’s what you want.” She turned to go. “Excuse me. I need to gather a few things.” She strode back up the basement stairs, leaving Eda and Hunter alone.
Eda rocked back and forth on her heels. “So… how’s that portal coming along? Got enough titan’s blood?
“I’m not telling you that.”
“Mmm.” Eda clicked her tongue. What did Lilith need that was taking this long? “Soooooo… what now?”
“This is the first time you’ve taken a prisoner, isn’t it.”
“No!”
“Uh-huh. Alright. While I’ve got you here, want to hear the complete history of wild magic? I’m sure you’ll find it very interesting, considering that you’re old enough to have lived through it.”
“I am not, you little brat. Shut your mouth, I don’t want to listen to your voice.”
“Yeah? What if I don’t want to shut up? What if I feel like singing? Oh titan’s heart, oh titan’s heart,” he started howling in an off-key voice, “we the covens are loyal to thee!”
“UUUUUGH,” Eda groaned, “Stop that, or I’m going to gag you!”
“We pledge our lives, our magics, our hearts to yours! When you call, we heed your voice!”
Eda stormed up the stairs, slamming the door behind her. “That kid is the most annoying creature in existence!” Her sister was lying on the couch, reading a book, and Eda leaned on the back of the couch, looking down at her. “What are you doing? I thought you were getting something?”
“No. I just want him to think I am. Let him sweat and squirm. Let him think about all of the horrible things I might be planning to do to him.”
“Let him freak himself out. Devious, Lili.”
“Oh, that’s just the tip of the iceberg. Let him imagine the worst. But now that you’ve come up, too, we can just… leave him.”
“I’m not sure how that—”
“Leave him alone long enough, and he’ll start to wonder if we’re coming back. He’ll start to wonder if we had to leave for some reason, and we left him. He’ll start thinking that if we did have to leave, there’s no one to let him out. That he’s trapped down there. At first he’ll tell himself not to worry, that we’ll come back down for him eventually. Then, as time wears on, and he has no idea how long it’s been, he’ll start calling for help, thinking we’re gone.”
“And that’s when we go down?” Eda interjected, “When he’ll be happy to see us?”
“No, Edalyn. We wait for him to stop calling. We wait for him to give up, thinking that no one will come for him. We let him wallow in the fear that he’ll starve down there, tied up, and then, then we return.”
Eda scooted away from her sister. “… have I ever mentioned how incredibly glad I am that you changed sides?”
“You could stand to mention it more.”
“You’re not gonna… actually torture him, are you?”
“Physically? I wasn’t planning on it, no, why, do you want me to?”
“Titan! Lilith, no!”
Lilith shrugged. “To each their own. He’s probably not feeling too well—a blow to the head is no joke, and neither was that spell he took for Darius. He’ll spill.”
“He seemed fine to me. Just as annoying as ever.”
“It’s an act. Bravado. He’s hurt, he was just flat-out betrayed and abandoned by the person he was protecting, and he’s captured with no hope of rescue, because he knows that’s not how the emperor’s coven works. He’s a resilient pest, but all of that will take its toll quickly. Give him a few hours, and he’ll crack.” Lilith hesitated. “But… Eda… about rescuing Raine, should they still be alive…”
“What?”
“I’m just… not entirely certain it’s the best plan.”
“I can’t just leave them!”
“I know you don’t want to, but… we have the upper hand over Belos at the moment. We have his right hand, a coven leader, in our grasp. We’ve put his day of unity plans to a grinding halt. We go running off on a hare-brained rescue mission? If one of us gets caught, it’s all over.”
A new plan quietly clicked into place in Eda’s head. “We have the coven head. We have the right hand of Belos. Why not make a trade? His precious golden brat for Raine! Either way, we end up with a coven head, so we won’t be giving up our advantage, but this way, we’ll have Raine, who will fight with us, instead of the brat tied up in my basement!”
Lilith sat bolt upright on the couch. “Are you insane?” she hissed, “You want to try to ransom him back?! Edalyn, an attempt to negotiate with the emperor will go very, very badly! Let’s say we achieve the best case scenario, let’s say Belos agrees to the trade and we get Raine back. The emperor will not stop hunting us down. When I was attempting to capture you, it was just that—capture. If you try to make a deal, trade hostages? Belos will want you dead. Even having kidnapped the golden guard is risky—for now, Hunter could be anywhere, no one knows we took him. But if Belos finds out? We may as well start writing our obituaries now.”
“Fine.” Eda growled in frustration. “It’s just—I don’t want to leave them, if they are alive! It just doesn’t feel right.”
“I know. We just have to be patient. And after the Day of Unity passes, we can go after them. I promise I will help you retrieve Raine.”
“Helloooooo?” Hunter’s voice called up from the basement, “Are we gonna get this interrogation going, or what? I’ve got places to be!”
Lilith motioned for Eda to stay quiet. “Here we go,” she whispered.
“Traitor? Crazy owl lady? You there?”
Eda head a scraping noise, as if Hunter was dragging the chair he was tied to across the floor. There was a pause, then, “Titan, there’s stairs. Helloooooo?” Another pause. “Okay, I’m going to escape now! Anyone up there to stop me? No? Okay!”
“Should we go down there?” Eda murmured to Lilith. Her sister shook her head.
“He can’t get out of that chair, you heard him about the stairs.”
“I mean it! I’m breaking out of here! Oh, look, I’ve got the ropes off! No? Nobody?” Then, a little more quietly, “Guess they’re gone.”
Eda heard a lot of thumping, and then an ‘ow.’ She snorted softly. “Sounds like he’s knocked himself over again.”
Lilith pulled her away from the basement door and into the kitchen. “Give him a bit.” She started flipping through one of Eda’s potion books. “Any chance one of these has a truth potion recipe in here?”
“No, but I think there’s a knockout potion somewhere. If he keeps trying to sing, I might use it.”
Lilith snorted. “Right. I’ll go ahead and brew that. Forget feeding it to him, if I have to talk to him for much longer, I’m going to want it for myself. Where do you keep your sleeping nettles?”
“Cupboard by the trashcan, do NOT let Hooty know where they are.” Eda paced the kitchen. “What if he is in the middle of escaping?”
“He’s concussed, has short little legs and no staff. He won’t get far.”
Eda snapped her fingers. “No staff! Where’s his little palisman, I didn’t see it!”
Lilith stopped mid-stir. “Palisman?! Him?!”
“Yeah, he has a little cardinal palisman.”
“Belos hates wild magic! Do you know what it took for me to keep a hold of my palisman?! You’re telling me that Hunter hasn’t just got a palisman, he’s hiding it from Belos?”
“I guess. What’s the big deal?”
Lilith laughed. “Oh, he is in for it when Belos finds out! See if he’s still the favorite then!”
“…Lili, you’re not in the emperor’s coven anymore.”
Her sister resumed stirring her potion. “I know that.”
“And we aren’t going to use Hunter’s palisman as leverage against him, okay? I want more info about Raine, but I’m not going to threaten an innocent palisman to get it.”
“Fine.” Lilith set her spoon down. “I think it’s about time we check in on him. Let’s see how much he’s panicking.
When they got down the basement stairs, Hunter was asleep. Eda snorted, setting the chair upright again. “So much for that idea.”
“You have got to be kidding me!” Lilith growled.
Hunter opened his eyes with a smug look that Eda was relatively certain meant he’d never actually been asleep. “Oh, hey, when did you guys get here? Hope I didn’t keep you waiting.”
Lilith lunged towards Hunter, and Eda had to hold her back. “You are a horrible, conniving little brat, and if I never saw you again, I could die happy!”
“Oooo, might want to watch that temper, Lilith, isn’t that how you got beaten by your sister so many times?”
Lilith’s nostrils flared, and she stopped trying to get past Eda, taking a deep breath and smoothing her hair. “Laugh all you want, brat. I may be out of the coven, but at least I chose to go. Unlike you.”
“I’m not leaving the coven. I’m going to get out of here, and I’m going to go back, and y’know what, I’m going to drag both of you with me, and this time we’ll finish the petrification process.”
Lilith chuckled. “Oh, Hunter. You don’t really think you can go back, do you? Not after you failed like this.”
For the first time since he’d gotten here, fear flashed in Hunter’s eyes. “I didn’t fail,” he said defensively, “Darius got away—I protected him from your assassination plot. I completed my mission—you failed.”
“But you were captured,” Lilith said softly, leaning in close to him, “Of course you carried out your mission—but you’ve still failed the emperor. You lost. To us. How humiliating.”
“I only lost because that coward Darius used me as a meat shield,” Hunter snarled, “It wasn’t my fault!”
Lilith laughed softly, pulling away. “Do you really think the emperor will accept that excuse? You know as well as I that you cannot blame others for your own mediocracy.”
The shift in Hunter’s attitude… Eda wasn’t quite sure what to make of it. Lilith had gone from dancing to Hunter’s tune and rising to his taunts to playing the flute herself. Hunter was a marionette on her strings. She grabbed her sister’s arm. “Hey, Lili? A word?”
She pulled Lilith upstairs, shutting the door so that Hunter couldn’t hear them. “What was that?!” she hissed.
“I know how the emperor’s coven works. I know how Belos works. I know how he treats people—you could hurt Hunter physically all you wanted, and he wouldn’t give up anything.”
“So you play mind games with him, Lili? That’s just cruel. Did you see his face when you said he’d failed Belos? That wasn’t just worry, that was terror. You really freaked him out, and I don’t like how you’re going about this.”
Lilith pointed at the door. “I’ve seen hardened demons break down at the idea that they’ve been left locked up with no hope of anyone ever coming for them. Do you want to know why it didn’t work on him, Eda? Because he was trained in the exact same torture methods I was. He’s the head of the emperor’s coven at age sixteen. Do you know how you get there? It isn’t by being an innocent kid, I can tell you that. Neither of us could kill him. But he’s dangerous, and Belos is the only one who could ever keep him in control. You heard him! He would drag us to our own petrification in a heartbeat! So if I have to invoke his fear of Belos to keep him from hurting you or I, I will!”
“Lilith—”
“When you first met him, he threatened King to get you and Luz to do what he wanted. He is not some cute little witchling who will roll over for belly rubs, he’s a lethal, dangerously unstable individual who is dead loyal to Belos and will stop at nothing to please him.”
“Okay, okay. I get it. It still doesn’t feel right, Lilith. And I don’t think it’ll make him crack.”
“Oh, please, he was about to be putty in my hands.”
“You make him scared of what Belos will do to him because he failed? He’ll just start thinking about how much worse it will be for him if he gives up information. No more head games, Lilith. I don’t like it, and I don’t like how much you’re acting like you did when you were in the coven.”
“Yes, because it’s effective. Good luck getting any information out of him.”
Eda grabbed her sister’s hands. “I don’t want to win by losing you. I’m not going to risk you reverting to your coven ways like that—you’ve come so far, and it’s not fair to put you in a situation where you’ll backslide.” Eda squeezed her eyes shut, turning her face away. “You were right. Raine will have to wait.” It felt like a betrayal just saying it, but she couldn’t say anything else—Raine had risked everything to make sure that she, at least, could get away. Throwing that away based off of information they got from Hunter of all people would be disrespectful of their sacrifice. “We just need to ride out this storm. No more interrogations—we’re not going to just let him go, but we’re not going to hurt him, either. Okay?”
“If that’s what you want.”
Eda plucked a feather off of her sister’s arm. “This isn’t helping you—it’s making you worse. So trust me, Lilith—it is what I want.”
Xxx
Darius growled, kicking at a burned clump of vines. Of course the Golden Guard wasn’t here—he hadn’t really expected him to be, but it would have been nice. Right. Well, he could do a grueling search of the area—or worse, call in Eberwolf to help track the Golden Guard down.
Oooooor he could interrogate the last people to have seen him—his would-be assassins. He hadn’t seen their faces—the smokescreen had ensured that. But he had thought he’d heard a familiar voice.
Darius turned towards the Clawthorne estate. It wasn’t much, but it was a start.
Ch 3
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mythicamagic · 3 years
Note
Please write the second-to-last prompt!
*cough* I’ll put this one under a ‘read more’ because it’s a tad too long. And involves nakedness- and we all know how tumblr feels about that. M rated with no actual naughty business.
“it’s because i’m so attractive isn’t it?” “i say this. and i cannot stress this enough. i find you completely repulsive.” 
---
Sesshoumaru arched a brow, torn between amusement, befuddlement, indignation, flattery and satisfaction. 
It was a confusing mix. 
Kagome stared up at him, cheeks stained crimson and hands planted on her hips. It was not the appropriate expression for one asking another for a favour. 
Thin lips parted, before his mouth clicked shut. He blinked once, tipping his head to the side. 
“You wish to…”
“Draw you,” she confirmed stiffly. 
“Naked.”
“It’s called ‘Life Drawing’ and I need it for my college class. You’d...really be helping me out, okay?”
Sesshoumaru hummed, gaze sweeping over her critically. He’d never seen one of her pictures, and wondered if her skills could do him justice. “And you chose this one to be your subject?” he arched a brow, confidence radiating off him in waves. “It is because I am so attractive, is it not?”
Kagome made a noise, bursting into a laugh and waving this off. “I say this, and I cannot stress this enough; I find you completely repulsive.” 
The teasing dance of her eyes told him she was joking. He huffed, finding the mere idea ludicious. None could find him repulsive. 
“Look the reason I’m asking you is because it would be awkward with anyone else. I’m not dating anyone- and Inuyasha is out on account of him being my ex. Miroku is married. You’re the only available person who is kinda, sorta my friend. My last resort is asking a random villager if they’ll strip for me,” she sighed. “I’ve sat in on classes, I’ve tried using books for reference poses- but nothing works! My teacher always says they come off as stiff looking and the uh...the…”
Sesshoumaru watched her steadily turn redder, unblinking.
Kagome glanced around the empty hillside with paranoia, whispering the next part; “the penis…” she blushed, seeming to die inside, “always looks...uh...inaccurate, apparently.”
Mirth coloured his blank, guarded expression. He glanced at her waiting bag beside the tree. “Show me.”
“What?! No! No one will ever see those sketches! Ever! I’m gonna burn them!”
The Daiyoukai glanced away, arranging his features into something haughty and disinterested. “Then you will not sketch my body.”
Kagome gaped, groaning and burying her crimson face in her hands. “Urgh!” 
To be fair to her skills; the men in her sketches held fairly accurate physiques. Nice bone structure; and a softness about their faces and dark shading that portrayed a moody tone, longing for something he couldn’t name. She’d even captured hands and feet remarkably well, something he knew most artists struggled with. 
But then, inevitably, golden eyes strayed downward from their torsos. 
“A-are they bad?” Kagome peered over his shoulder as Sesshoumaru sat, perusing her sketchbook. 
He closed the book with a sharp noise of finality. “This is grave indeed.”
“I knew it,” she whined, wallowing in sadness. 
Sesshoumaru’s nose twitched as he stood, passing the sketchbook back to her. “...You may capture my likeness.”
Her breath hitched, and relief immediately swamped her features. “I- thank you,” Kagome breathed, easing closer to him. “Thank you so much!”
“Hn,” inwardly preening and thinking that all beings should thank him for the generous sight of his naked form, Sesshoumaru set the date for their ‘meeting,’ inviting her to the Western Stronghold in two days' time. 
---
They greeted each other easily enough on the actual day, Kagome being let into his private chambers with many a raised brow from his servants. 
Sesshoumaru slid the door shut to conceal their ‘activity’ away from prying eyes, though he had no shame in his bare form. Merely, he sensed the miko’s nervousness and did not wish her concentration to be broken. 
After stripping easily enough, shedding the finery of his clothes, Sesshoumaru stopped before her seated position at a respectable distance. 
“Where do you want me?”
Kagome made a strangled noise, having looked up from her sketchbook. Blue eyes immediately locked onto the area between his thighs. 
“Uh-! I um-” she stammered, attention flitting around the room like she were following a game of ping pong. “Standing is fine!” Kagome squeaked, turning scarlet as she motioned with her hand, “m-maybe just b-backup a little.”
Nodding primly, Sesshoumaru concealed his smirk, stepping away and waiting as her embarrassment slowly abated. Her bright gaze running over lithe, pale muscles couldn’t quite hide her curiosity; her hunger. Kagome pursed full lips and sketched a standing pose, before instructing him to instead sit down upon his bed of furs and busy himself with something. Sesshoumaru decided to read. 
Keen, pointed ears caught every glide and sharp drag of lead on paper- every indrawn breath and hiss through clenched teeth.
After a little while, she sighed. 
“You keep avoiding it,” Sesshoumaru hazarded a guess. 
“I totally do,” Kagome groaned, staring miserably at the sketches, “right now you’re sexless. There’s a blank space where genitals are supposed to go.” 
Golden eyes flitted up to her. “You are too tense. Come here.”
“W-what?”
“The bed is comfortable,” he clarified, tone becoming flat and business-like as he minded some silver hair back over one broad shoulder. “I refuse to be drawn inaccurately.”
Nodding, she swallowed and gathered her things, awkwardly padding over. A plume of repressed desire followed her like a cloud of smog. Clearly she was trying to remain professional and judging by the guilt mingling with it; felt ashamed by any natural reaction to his person. 
Naked bodies were not inherently sexual things. They were just...bodies. But he felt no annoyance with Kagome for her attraction. Quite the contrary. She’d been acting like this for months with a cycle of repression. This ‘study’ had been a golden opportunity. 
Kagome sat before him and took a long breath, forcing herself to look at his lap. 
His cock twitched. 
Making a thin noise, she blushed and directed her gaze firmly to the paper, scribbling away furiously. 
Sesshoumaru’s fangs caressed his bottom lip in a sensual brush, sighing. A spike of his own arousal had more obvious effects on his person. He couldn’t conceal it like her- and Kagome’s intense attention only had him hardening quicker. 
“Ah-” Kagome gaped, losing her voice. She cleared her throat, staring. Unbidden, she wet her lips, blue eyes flitting up to meet dark, golden hues steadily dyeing passionate red. “We- we can stop...until it goes back to normal?” she suggested thinly.
“Did you not require extensive research on this particular part of me, miko?” he purred silkily. “Perhaps sketching it in various states would be to your advantage.”
“I-I guess that’s true,” Kagome swallowed, shyly glancing at it and then meeting his gaze again. “Maybe…”
“Maybe?”
“I could…”
Sesshoumaru leaned closer, the cool air feeling too keen on his heated skin. Her breathy voice made goosebumps rise over pale flesh. “Yes?” he asked in a hushed tone.
Kagome looked at him again, silently seeking consent. Barely imagining it was possible he could reciprocate. But she did not know; had not come to learn the patience that wild, predatory beasts possessed. He’d bided his time so long his waiting looked like indifference on the outside.
Taking a short, quick drawn breath, Kagome bridged the distance between them. She learned the full scope of Sesshoumaru’s anatomy intimately well that night- and continued her studies for many nights after.
---
The feedback Kagome gained back from her life drawing was ‘good use of shading and muscle definition, an impressive level of detail. Improvement on discussed anatomy - but a tad too unrealistic in size.’
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toastedkiwi · 4 years
Text
Returning The Favor
Summary: after realizing you’ve been taken advantage of your friendship with Sebastian, you’ve decided to spoil him like he does with you.
Pairing: Sebastian Stan x Rich!Reader
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You knocked on Sebastian’s door. No answer. You knock again. Still no answer. You pouted and grabbed the door knob. You turn it and head into the apartment. You close the door and lock it.
“Sebastian?” You called out looking around his open floor plan.
You head to his bedroom and opened up the door. And then you hear the puking. You frowned and head into the bathroom. Sebastian’s hugging the porcelain as he throws up his guts. You immediately think of what he does for you when you’re sick and you spring into action. You start rubbing his back which makes him question who’s in his apartment.
“The fuck you doing here?” Sebastian grunted seeing your high heels and he flushes the toilet.
“Well clearly taking care of you,” you said brushing his sweaty hair out of his eyes.
He’s shaking in his skin. Truly, you wanted to take him out to his favorite restaurant for lunch and treat him since you saw that terrible article a reporter did on him but your favorite man is sick. It was about time for you to return the favor because who knows how many times you’ve called him over something and he comes over quickly to comfort you or help fix the problem. He’s called you and you wouldn’t show up claiming to be too busy for him.
“I didn’t call you,” he said.
“I know. I tried calling you but you didn’t pick up,” you said.
“‘M sorry,” he mumbled.
“It’s okay,” you said grabbing his bicep. “Let’s get you into the shower.”
He groaned as you helped the 200 lbs man onto his feet but he’s a bit confused at your behavior. You leaned him against the bathroom counter and opened the glass door of the shower. You turned on the shower and found the right temp. You spin around to a butt ass naked Sebastian and he isn’t bothering covering anything. He’s definitely gifted.
“Fuck modesty,” he said giggling and making his way into the shower as you keep your eyes to the ceiling.
You closed the shower door behind and said, “please never do that to me again.”
You leave him in the shower and head into his bedroom. You take the bedsheets, sheets, blankets, and pillowcases off the bed shoving them into the laundry basket knowing it’ll be better for him to have clean ones on his bed instead of dirty ones. You try to make quick work even though it’s a struggle.
“Y/N!” Sebastian called out whining. “HELP!”
You come into the bathroom and he’s peaking his head out of the shower. The poor man looks absolutely miserable and exhausted. He holds the shampoo bottle to you. You take it and he lowers his head. His greasy wet hair falls forward dripping onto the rug. You opened the shampoo bottle. You squeeze more than enough in the palm of your hand. You put the shampoo bottle on the floor and then run your fingers through his hair. You make sure you’re gentle and lather every strand on his scalp. He nearly moans.
“There. Now rinse,” you said.
He does what you say and you rinse your hands in the sink. You then dry your manicured hands.
“Towel, please?” Sebastian begged after the water turns off.
You grab a towel on the rack and his bathrobe that you sent him because it was too big for you and was not your style. You hand him the towel as he steps out and he covers his dick thankfully since he doesn’t want to flash you this time. You help in his robe and you tie the belt around his waist. 
“Are you feeling alright?” Sebastian sniffled looking at you.
“Yes. Why do you ask? Do I look sick?” You asked frantically. 
You spin around and look in the mirror. Sebastian chuckles before coughing. His arms go around your waist after putting the towel on the counter.
“You look beautiful, Y/n,” he said. “Always do.”
You spin back around placing your hands on his broad shoulders and you look up at your proclaimed BFF. The shower seems to have helped him out a bit.
“Then why did you ask?” you questioned.
“You don’t come over unless you need me,” he said.
You frowned but know he’s right. You’re quite the selfish person. It’s bad. Real bad. But thankfully, you’ve started realizing it and you don’t want to be that way anymore.
“So, what do you need from me?” He asked.
“I need you to get better but for now, you’re gonna camp out on the couch while I make your bed and do your laundry,” you said.
Sebastian laughed before going into a coughing fit. You pat his back and you’re pretty worried about him. 
“I gotta see this,” he said.
You pouted and lead him into his bedroom. He seats himself in the chair that usually houses clothes he throws on it. He sees his sheets and what not on the floor in a pile.
“You’re really gonna make my bed?” he asked shaking a bit in his seat.
“Yes, I am,” you bragged. “You won’t even want to sleep on it since it’ll look so amazing and you won’t want to ruin it.”
Sebastian grins knowing you’re in over your head. You don’t know how to make a bed. You grew up with a rich daddy and mommy who had maids and nannies raise you and clean up after you and your snobby ass sister. Your dad funds your lifestyle with a maid still even though you’re 25. 
“I can’t wait,” he sniffled.
You rush off grinning and giving him your “I got this” look. It’s quite adorable especially with your black long sleeved shirt underneath the dress you’re wearing and the heels. You always wear heels. It’s what you were taught to wear. It’s very old fashioned but a good dress and heels are great for any event.
“I don’t like this!” you whined and pouted as the fitted sheet keeps coming off of the corners.
“Prinţesă-,” Sebastian said. 
“Shh!” you shushed the fool.
He stands up and treads over to you. You crossed your arms over your chest and glare at the poor sick man.
“You’re going diagonally. Start on one side, Prinţesă,” he said.
You huffed with an adorable pout and start getting to work. You even have your best friend sit on a very stubborn corner as you get the rest.
“I did it!” You exclaimed happily.
Sebastian smiles and you hug him as he’s still seated.
“Congrats, Prinţesă,” he said. “Can you grab me some medicine? It’s in the cabinet by the fridge.”
You nod and head off pretty proud of yourself. It makes him smile briefly before he has to lay down on his unmade bed with a blanket you grabbed. You’ll probably be mad since you didn’t finish but you’ll just have to make the bed with him in it.
“What are you--?” You asked.
“’M tired, baby,” he said.
You sit down on the edge of the bed placing the medicine down on his bedside table along with a glass of water. He sits up a bit so he can take the medicine. You give him some cough syrup and then some cold medicine after reading the labels.
“I feel like shit,” he groaned laying back.
“I know,” you said caressing his cheek. “But you’ll be all better soon.”
“You’ll probably get sick from being near me, darling,” Sebastian said.
“Then we can be sick together and I can call Junie to come take care of us,” you said with a smile.
He shakes his head no and said, “we are both adults. We can take care of ourselves, Y/n.”
“So, does that mean you want me to leave while you wallow away in your misery?” You asked.
“Don’t go,” he whined and weakly grabbed your arm. “I like you taking care of me.”
His words brought the biggest smile on your face. It’s bigger than when you go shopping and make him hold your bags. No shopping trip can get that smile.
“Alright, it’s only because I love you so much,” you said.
It’s his turn to smile wide as he’s feeling quite drowsy with the medicine kicking in.
“I love you too,” Sebastian said. “You should cuddle me. It’ll make me feel better.”
“But you’ll need to eat something,” you said.
“Just until I fall asleep, please?” he begged with a puppy dog look and a pout you can’t say no to. “I’ll eat for ya later.”
You take off your heels and then lay beside him. He tucks you under his arm and wraps both arms around you. You both sigh contently.
“I think I’ve been a shitty friend to you,” you admitted.
He frowns but knows you’re right. He can’t argue on it if he wanted to. He’s adored you for the last four years. Yes, you’re younger than him and maybe he’s got a thing for chicks younger than him but he can’t help it. You’ve got the poor man wrapped around your finger and he’s completely and utterly hooked.
“What made you come to that conclusion?” Sebastian asked and it sounded a bit snippier than he would’ve liked.
“My other friends are pretty shitty and... you aren’t. You treat me like a queen and never expected me to treat you like a king,” you said. “Which I’ve been taking you for granted and you deserve better but I’m quite selfish and instead of letting this friendship go, I’m gonna do better for you, Sebastian.”
Sebastian smiles. It warms his heart. 
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hargrove-mayfields · 3 years
Text
Just A Dream Away
Chapter 5/13 read here on ao3!
for @harringrovebigbang
~~~~
Robin gets to the phone first.
Steve was too busy wallowing in his bed to get up and answer, though he figures it might be worth seeing who it is that’s calling. None of the kids call him anymore, but he always considers, even if it’s for just a moment, that it could be an emergency. He’ll know whenever he decides to get up, or if Robin even decides to pick it up.
Its ring echoes shrill and loud in the apartment, the tone making him want to wrap himself in a blanket and never come out, so he slides out of his bed, calling down the stairs in search of a solution to end the noise, “You gonna get that Rob?”
For a moment, he wonders if she’ll even respond. It’s barely been a couple of hours since he made her cry, but she calls back, “Are you expecting a call?”
Relieved to know she at least still tolerates him, Steve answers, “Nope.”
“Then no.” Comes her simple response, and the phone ringing promptly dies out, “Guess it didn’t matter anyways.”
But almost immediately, it starts up again, somehow sounding more sharp than before. Steve tells her just to get it so the ringing will stop, coming down the steps to see for himself who it is calling.
He watches Robin pull the receiver from its base, in the place of a greeting going straight for, “What do you want?”
Steve takes note of the fact that her mood isn’t entirely better yet, though he’s definitely glad she’s taking those feelings out on the telephone and not on him, but, despite her abrasiveness, she still receives no response.
It looks like she’s going to hang up before she hears something, her features closing off as she focuses on whatever comes through the other end, “Hello? I can’t hear you. Who is this?”
There’s a whining static loud enough for even Steve to hear from the other side of the room, getting louder, and then a pop that makes the lights flicker and the phone die out, making Robin shriek and drop it, shaking out her hand.
“Son of a bitch shocked me.” She mumbles, picking up the dead receiver and showing Steve the two burnt ends.
In the moment though, something he’ll perhaps feel bad for another time, Steve isn’t worried about his friend. He isn’t rushing to see what happened and check if she got burnt, he instead just freezes up, filtering through the overwhelming questions filling his head to ask, “Did you hear who it was?”
“No, it just sounded like it was all distorted.”
Her answer is nonchalant, but it makes Steve feel weak and panicky, sitting down at the table as pale as a ghost.
That’s obviously not a normal reaction, and Robin asks, tone more afraid than concerned, which he thinks that’s appropriate for what just happened, “What’s going on Steve?”
Grimly, he explains, “Mrs Byers’ phone did that twice before, blowing up after a call just like that.”
“Okay, well maybe there’s just a storm coming and it’s just a coincidence that happened to her too?” She tries to reason, but Steve already knows, he's felt this dread before. “No, Robs. It happened because Will called her from the Upside Down.”
“But then that means-“ Robin starts, working through the implications, Steve finishing the statement for her, “Someone is trapped over there.”
“Holy shit, but the gate, hasn’t it been closed for a year and a half now?“
“Unless someone else opened it, yeah.”
Stiffly she nods, asking hesitantly, be it because of her questions or the disagreement between them earlier, “Well what do we do?”
A reflection of his lack for anything but pessimistic doomsdaying anymore, Steve worries, “What can we do, Robin? I’ve only ever fought the things that end up in our world, and you’ve never even seen half of the monsters that come from over there. We’re too overpowered here.”
More rational than her friend, Robin suggests, “I think we should get a hold of Eleven. You said she's the one that really understands any of this other dimension stuff. She can help.”
But Steve shakes his head, “Her powers are gone. She might know what to do, but I don’t think she’ll be able to do anything.”
“So you just want to leave whoever it is over there?”
“No, fuck no. That’s not what I mean.”
“Then what should we do?”
“I don’t know..” Steve frowns, thinking hard before he answers determinedly, “But whoever it is, they reached out to us. We have to help them.”
~~~~
The phone doesn’t work.
What is Billy supposed to do? He’s tried everything, and with his last resort at reaching out a dud, he’s not sure what else he even can do.
So, in true Billy Hargrove fashion, he lashes out, cursing and unnecessarily yanking the phone jack out of the wall, the plastic handheld skidding across the kitchen tile into the corner, “Goddamnit!”
The noise may have been a mistake though, because, despite how sure he was the dogs wouldn’t find this place, he hears a chitter, and the click of claws on hardwood floors. The damn thing is in the house, and his machete is by the door.
A recurring theme with these hell beasts, is that there’s never enough time to run, but unless he wants to use decorative mugs or a cookie jar to fight it, he doesn’t have much of a choice but to try.
He makes two mistakes as he runs, the first being that he hesitates, not wanting to leave Steve. Even if he couldn’t find him he had gotten so damn close, but a snarl from the dog puts things into perspective, and, with a heavy feeling of remorse in his chest, he leaves through the backdoor as quietly as he can, bolting down the rotting back steps.
His second mistake is looking over his shoulder. Just as his boots touch brittle grass, he decides just to glance back and see how much space is between him and the hellhound, but the second he sees it, he just freezes up.
Because it’s fucking big, for one thing. It has to force itself through the door frame, meaning it’s wider than he is. It has a lot more teeth than the others. It’s skin is pale and it’s limbs much longer. Something tells him the others he’s seen are immature, and this one is close to its final form, whatever that may be. Either way, he’s decidedly not fucking around with that.
The daunting unfamiliarity of this part of Hawkins, intimidating as it is, isn’t Billy’s main concern right now. He just bolts like a coward, hoping against hope that there’ll be anything along his path he won’t have to corner himself to get that can be used as a weapon, basically his only other option for surviving this that this amped up dog will get bored of him fast.
But, and really, he knew this was the case, he just hadn’t wanted to admit he was prey yet, it easily charges him, going up on its back legs to knock him off his balance. It misses at first, so he thankfully doesn’t get pushed to the ground, but his reflexes, especially when blurred by emotion, are no match to a monster of this size, and before he can even process its next move, it clamps its teeth on his arm.
Now, he’s been here for a while. He’s had scratches and cuts and welts from their tails, but he’d always been quick enough, smart enough, prepared enough to not get bit. Which he really wishes was still something he could still attest to, because it fucking hurts. Razor sharp teeth from too many mouths tear into the muscle, a stinging pain all the way from the point of impact in his wrist up to his shoulder.
It’s his fault, all this stuff with Steve was getting to his head, feeling his presence and hearing his voice again for the first time in god knows how long only to be unable to reach him. It was doing things to his judgement.
But this is still bad. Really fucking bad.
As soon as it lets go, he knows it’s going to latch onto him again, so he does what he does best in a situation where he’s hurt and scared and alone. He cries, for one thing, but he also fights. But where he’d normally just use his fists and his ego to prove his strength, this world is built differently. Even with a pocket knife to stand up for himself that’s not enough to survive, but he’s still going to make it count. If at the end of this he goes down, it won’t be without a fight.
A fight to just get back to the way things were. To prove to himself he could do this and survive. For once in his fucking life, just to overcome hardship and move the hell forward, no cycles of hatred and pain, love and respect drawing him back. Nobody else in control of his body. Nobody else holding him back from being happy.
He just wants to survive this.
There’s blood on his jacket sleeve, but Billy refuses to look at how bad the wound truly is yet. There quite frankly isn’t enough oxygen down here to afford a panic, but from the pain and the blood alone, he knows it’s not going to be good for him.
The fighting isn’t going too well either, with only one arm not weighed down by injury and a knife the size of his palm his last standing lines of defense, it’s mostly him dodging the creature and flailing his limbs to either stop an incoming bite or confuse it, both of them too confident in its ability to tear him to shreds to advance further than that.
But it gets bored of fucking around with him, and it rises to its back legs again, and Billy knows he’s fucked, squeezing his eyes shut and blocking his face, but the attack never comes. There’s a huge crack of lightning in the ever looming storm above, and a chorus of eerie chittering from more dogs at varying degrees of closeness to where they are, and it draws the attention of the big one away.
While the monster is distracted, he uses that opportunity to his advantage, takes charge of his circumstances to give himself a fighting chance. That strategy never worked for him before, only ever got him into deeper shit, but he can’t exactly just stand here and be monster bait either so, though it breaks his heart to put that distance between him and Steve, Billy chooses to run.
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flying-nightwing · 3 years
Text
Act IV: The Finale
Hi people! Finally the last part of this short serie! Honestly I had no expactation for it but I think it might slither into my all time favourite things I’ve written. I won’t lie, I think I’m in love with this last chapter. I feel like it’s the part we really understand both characters and their motivations in relation to each other. Anyway, I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it! 
Edit: I realize I have kept this gender neutral! so I change it on the infos on the first part and this one
Parts 1-3 in Masterlist!
Pairing: Tim Drake x gender neutral reader
Word count: 3456
Warnings: language, mention of violence (non-graphic)
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“... And this is why I have taken the decision to repeal the vigilante act. All measures taken by the city and GCPD to collaborate with vigilantes on the matters listed are to be repelled at this instant. We will no longer tolerate criminals telling us how to protect our city and all arrest mandates out for vigilantes are to be reactivated--”
Tim passed a hand in his face after Bruce turned off the TV. There was some serious tensions going on in the batcave, especially after this gruesome live tape of the mayor, visibly held hostage in some kind of basement, delivered the new order to cancel all the work they had achieved to at least stop the cops from trying to hunt them down instead of focusing on actual crime. 
The first thing he had done once he came back to the cave was to research you in any database he could hack into. He started in the state registry, knowing you had told him you had been an orphan. He had no idea what was a lie and what wasn’t in what you had told him, but that was apparently true. The picture attached was a younger version of you, that was clear, but any update on your whereabouts stopped at age 11. Then, he tried to look for a driver’s license, passeport, any ID documents you could have. He also hit a dead end with that too, so he looked into less savory types of repertories. 
He finally found you in the mercenary databases, with a clear, recent picture and your… Impressive record. As he scrolled down your list of confirmed hits, he felt his stomach sink further and further. Marco Rizzo, the philanthropist, the kidnapped mayor, and it went on and on. What truly put him on the floor, however, was to see your credentials. You were Falcone’s main gun and you had trained under various mentors including Slade Wilson, out of all people.
You were the real deal and he had let himself fall for you, hard.
He felt stupid now. Did you even know who he was at night? Had you gone to him to throw him off your scent? Even after discovering all of this about you, a part of him still hoped you had no clue. It would hurt less to know it was a coincidence you bumped into each other rather than a calculated move from you. 
“So… Your date uh?”
Tim cringed when Bruce spoke up. It was even worse to hear it out loud. 
“I don’t wanna hear it” He mumbled, keeping his eyes dead set on the wall. He knew he had acted irresponsibly, he knew he should have seen the signs sooner, he knew he should have remained alert and not let himself be charmed by you, or let himself be sidetracked from his mission. It was a rookie mistake. 
“Talk about sleeping with the enemy” Damian snorted from behind them. Tim turned around, glaring at him. He was sitting in a computer chair, casually eating noodles with chopsticks and watching the exchange like it was a movie. Of course, the demon had spied on the conversation.
“Damian!”
“What?” He looked at Bruce, shrugging nonchalantly.
Bruce sighed, shaking his head. He returned his attention to Tim again. “What do you want to do now?”
Tim didn’t reply straight away. He was conflicted, angry, sad, disappointed; he had rarely felt such a cocktail of emotions like that. On one hand, he wanted to wallow in self pity. It seemed like the one thing left to do, as life finally sent someone he could see himself get with but made them the exact opposite of what he stood for. But he couldn’t, he had to put a stop to this madness. He had to confront you. 
“We’ll need to set a trap” He finally spoke, rubbing the bridge of his nose. “A contract that can’t be refused, draw them out. I’ll take care of it, it’ll be better that way”
“Are you sure you’ll be up to it?”
“Yes” Tim snapped, and Bruce took a careful step back. “I won’t be fooled twice. I can do it”
“Alright, just making sure” Bruce wasn’t convinced, but he still trusted his son. He knew he'd do the right thing if push came to shove. “What did you have in mind?”
Tim took a deep breath. “50 millions for a bullet in Bruce Wayne’s head”
---
It was too good to be true, and your suspicions of foul play were confirmed when your eyes spotted the red and black sticking out of the grim portrait of Gotham’s roof tops.
You knew something was up when you were offered a 50 millions solo contract. You usually went out for 15 millions for high profile targets, but curiosity got the best of you. The only thought of potentially pocketing that much money was enough of a motivation for you to at least find out what was up. But now, it was clear it was a set up as Red Robin himself was waiting for you. It was too bad for the money, but the prospect of facing a real Gotham vigilante for the first time was exciting. 
“I’ve beaten you twice already” You smirked. “You called me for a third?”
A scowl set on his masked face. “Trust me, there won’t be a third” He spoke up in a gravelling voice. “Either you come with me here and now, or we do this the hard way”
“Oh, now you’ve got me interested” You teased as you circled him. “Do tell me more about this hard way of yours”
He deployed his staff. Your eyebrows raised at his challenge. “You’re arrogant” He stated. He wasn’t wrong. “It’s gonna be your downfall”
“... Or not” You shrugged, not stopping your assessment of him. “Still waiting on the monologue detailing your plan to stop me, by the way”
“There isn’t one”
He lunged. He did it so quickly and smoothly you almost didn’t see him move. Your reflexes allowed you to roll out of the way just in time, and the way the staff collided with the cement told you it wouldn’t have been a long fight if that had hit its intended target: you. You looked at him and you regained your footing, reevaluating the situation. You were skilled, but you doubted it would be enough to go toes to toes with Red Robin, now that you had had a glimpse of what he could actually do.
You raised an eyebrow and smirked. “Catch me if you can”
Before he could process your world, you turned around and jumped off the building, landing on the roof a dozens of feet lower. You didn’t waste time taking off, knowing he would be right behind you. You ran across the rooftop and leaped off the ledge and above the alley to grab onto the fire exit on the next building over. You hurried to climb it, ending up on yet another rooftop. You ran alongside the pool and jumped over the tables, kicking them back to try and slow down Red Robin, who was little by little gaining on you. Fuck, he’s fast, you thought. You weren’t even tempting to look back, but you knew with the sound of his footsteps alone. 
You hadn’t planned on him being able to follow you that easily, not even cursing behind you as you took another jump over a considerable gap between buildings. You were fast, faster than most. Making exits had always been your strong suit, whether it was on foot, by car or otherwise. However, the only times you had faced him were when you had a rocket launcher as a deterrent or when you were driving an actual race car. Now that the field was levelled, you didn’t have the advantage anymore. You knew you wouldn’t be able to outrun him if you kept going on that way, so you had to change your strategy.
You took a sharp turn to the left and grabbed a clothesline, pulling out a knife from your belt and severing in behind your grip. You took a good running start and let yourself fall on the building on the other side of the street, pausing to glance at Red Robin standing where you had just been seconds ago. He was trying to find another way to cross, but there was none and even he couldn’t make that jump. You gave him a wave and a wink before taking off again. However, on the corner of your eyes, you still could see him tracking you relentlessly, not letting you get away so easily. 
You jumped over an alley, and instead of landing on the next roof, you aimed for the first balcony from the top. With your shoulder first and your head tucked in, you went straight through the sliding door window and rolled on the landing to smooth your fall. You glanced beside you at the terrified man in his underwear who was cowering on the couch and looked behind you, shrugging.
“Sorry for the mess” You didn’t wait until he replied to walk out the apartment. You jogged down the stairs, knowing Red Robin would have lost your trace now. Or so you thought.
You halted your steps when you noticed him waiting at the bottom of the staircase and leaning on the rail with a nonchalant expression, like it had been easy to predict you would come out that way. He returned the little sarcastic wave you had given him minutes earlier, making your face fall. You turned around and climbed back the steps back to the first floor, barging in and running across the hallway until you reached the window at the end. You took the time to open this one, seeing as he had not yet reached the floor. You slipped through it and climbed down the wall to land into the back alley. You were about to head for the streets when an already too familiar red and black figure blocked your way.
You took off in the opposite direction, well, until you came face to face with a brick wall. There was nothing to climb onto, no fire exit to use, no way to get away. You closed your eyes and cursed under your breath as footsteps reached you. He wasn’t in a hurry, his pace was tauntingly slow and confident he had you trapped. You recomposed yourself before turning around to face him.
“You forced me to make a mistake” You stated with a sigh. “Impressive”
“Told you” He said, taking a step toward you. “Arrogance did end up being your downfall”
“I don’t suppose we could have a rematch, uh?” You tried, smiling coyly. “That staff didn’t seem such a bad idea in hindsight”
“If you thought you could win then, you wouldn’t have dragged me into this pointless chase” He scoffed, and your eyebrows raised. He was right, but damn. “Unless you want a beating at that too”
“Ouch” You chuckled. “That really hurts my pride”
“Good” He smirked. “Now that you know you won’t get away from this one, just do the logical thing and surrender. There’s nowhere to go”
You held eye contact for a moment before slowly raising your hands. “Alright” You complied with a nod. “You earned that one”
He took careful steps toward you, alert to whatever quick move you would do. But you could recognize when you were beaten, so you didn’t plan any surprise move. Getting caught by a vigilante was an eventuality, even you knew you wouldn’t escape them forever. You just didn’t think it would have been this soon. He grabbed your wrists, and once he was sure he had you solidly enough, he twisted your arm behind you and pushed you rather roughly into the brick wall.
“Woah there champion” You coughed out in surprise. “I feel that spark between us, I really do, and I admit I am partially to blame for it, but I’m kinda seeing someone? And I’m really into him so if you could just. Stop manhandling me that way, that’d be great”
You felt him take a considerable step backward, and his grip on your arm dropped. You frowned, carefully turning around to face him. You didn’t understand why he had let you go, and his blush combined with his bewildered expression only made you more confused.
“Okay, what is going on, now?” You asked, not taking your eyes off him. It was like he was a completely different person now, and you couldn’t point out exactly why it was suddenly so familiar. “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, jeez”
“I’m not” He defended too quickly, his voice wavering. Your eyes squinted even more as you took one step forward. He didn’t move, it was like he was frozen in place. “It doesn’t matter. It’s over for you”
“Uh” You took another step, and he squared up, trying to cover the fact he had totally lost his edge over you. You could have made a run for it, you knew it would have been ridiculously easy at that moment to evade him, but something held you back. You scrutinized him, your head tilting to the side. He gulped, and suddenly it all pieced together. That reaction to your flirting, you knew it all too well. Your eyes widened, before you gave him a sympathetic smile. “You know, while this mask does suit you, I prefer to see your eyes, handsome”
His muscles tensed for a second or two, but his shoulder sagged soon after. He sighed and rubbed his forehead. “How long have you known?”
Your eyebrows furrowed. “What do you mean, how long?” You asked. “Thirty five seconds ago”
“You didn’t know before?”
“Uh, no” You replied. “What does it matter?”
“You… You didn’t go on a date with me to distract me from your trail?”
“No, I went on a date with you because I like you?” You raised an eyebrow. “I would have been way more careful with my lies if I had known, fuck I was so obvious, no wonder you figured it out. Besides, I just told you I’m really into you--”
You were surprised by the sudden movement of his arm that sneaked behind your neck and brought you flush against his lips. Okay then. You returned the kiss without hesitation holding on to his shoulders under the sheer force he was applying against you. It was a lot different from the shy boy you had met at the racetrack, but then again, he was Red Robin right now, more so than Tim Drake. You could have never connected the two if it hadn’t been from your flirting from up close. Before you knew, he tore himself from you and jumped back like you were actual fire, cursing under his breath. You blinked slowly at his sudden absence from your immediate vicinity, then rolled your eyes. Dramatic much?
“What is it now?”
“You’re still a criminal” Now he refused to meet your eyes. 
“Are you-- Is this because of what happened in the alley the other day?” You sighed, throwing your hands up before letting them fall back and slap on the side of your thighs. “I’m sorry, okay? I wouldn’t have ran you into the garbage pile if I had known it was you. And I wouldn’t have threatened you with a rocket launcher either-- Shit okay I see your point, I’m really sorry about that too”
“No!” He yelled. “I mean, yeah, kind of. But you kill people for a living, I can’t--”
“What does it change?” You asked. “You liked me before you found out. You were about to hand me to the police, I still like you! In fact, if you could ram me into the wall once again like you just did, I wouldn’t--”
“Please stop talking”
You grinned. “Does it turn you on?”
“Y-No” He replied, correcting himself last second. You raised a subjective eyebrow. “Stop that”
“Stop what?” You asked innocently. “I’m just saying it’s on the table. If I had known it was you when you did it, I would have enjoyed it so you’re welcome to do it again”
“Do you ever stop flirting?” He deadpanned. He crossed his arms against his chest, but it definitely didn’t have the intended effect. Instead, you just checked him out even more, since his muscles were very well defined in that suit. You liked it.
“With you? Not a chance, handsome”
And here came the blush again. He looked away and gulped, ignoring your self satisfied smile. You could do that all day and never get bored of it. Still, you regained a somewhat serious expression for the conversation that was inevitably coming.
“So now what?” You spoke up. “You give me to the cops? We pretend nothing happened between us? Because I’ll be honest with you, I don’t want that. I meant it when I said I liked you”
“My job is to stop crime, and the people who commit it” He began with a sigh. “I just can’t ignore the fact that you are one of the bad guy”
“That’s valid” You nodded slowly. “But this is just a job. I don’t do it for the power trip of taking people out, I do it because I’m good at it, and because I like the money that comes with it. Although, I’ll admit I do enjoy making dramatic exits from time to time--all the time”
Tim snorted. Of course you liked your exit, that had been obvious from the start. But even if he did not agree with your job, or with the lack of morals that came with it, he had to recognize the difference between you and the typical Gotham criminal. From what he had found out so far about you, you never caused casualties in any of your contracts. You always kept the mess to a minimum. You were a far cry from the Joker or Poison Ivy, for that matter.
Even if you couldn’t see his eyes clearly, you could just see the gears turning in his head. Would it be so bad if he let you go? What if he kept seeing you? He could agree with you on one thing: behind his reluctance because of your job, he really didn’t want to pretend nothing happened. He liked you a lot, and it absolutely frustrated him that the one god sent person he instantly clicked with was on the other side of his moral spectrum. 
“Tell me” You said softly, bringing back his attention to you. “If you had never found out about my job, would you have asked me on a second date?”
“Yes” He didn’t hesitate in his answer. It was like you could read his mind, reminding him of how well you fit together. He wanted both to scream and to kiss you again. 
You took a deep breath, letting him think some more. You could very much suspect the news of your activities was harder on him than his were on you, so you understood the need to let him a little space while he figured it all out. You had half expected him to go ahead with his initial plan though, so you prepared yourself mentally for him eventually binding your wrists and dragging you to the nearest precinct. 
That’s probably why you were surprised when he took a step aside, no longer blocking you from leaving. You didn’t move, only stared at him.
“I won’t give you a free pass if I catch you doing shady stuff” He sighed, gesturing to the exit of the alley. “ But for this time, I guess I’ll see you next time you do something stupid”
“Not before?” You raised an eyebrow. The corner of his lips slightly lifted.
“Maybe before”
“Is that a yes on the second date?” You asked, hopeful. “7:30 next Friday at that lobster place you mentioned?”
“Will you be working that night?”
“I won’t!” You hurried to confirm. “I swear I won’t”
He let out a long sigh like he was reconsidering his entire life. “What the hell, sure”
“Great!” You grinned wide, stealing a quick kiss on his lips. 
“Go, now” He ordered, gaining back his more authoritative vigilante voice. Oof, that was hot, you thought, but you kept it to yourself for once. “Before I change my mind”
“See you on Friday, handsome!”
He watched you run out of the alley, finding himself suddenly excited at the prospect of seeing you again, whether it would be as Red Robin or as himself on a date with you.
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italiantea · 4 years
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khun and rachel parallels
alright i’ve been shitposting left and right on this fandom lately so here’s a. more serious post i guess. because i’ve been thinking about fictional characters more than my final tomorrow hahaha anyway
i saw someone say khun and rachel are more alike than they think and that got me thinking, and i realized there are some interesting parallels between the two of them regarding their goals and the mindset with which they approach them. (now i know they’re different don’t come at me i’m too tired to make a proper analysis of their differences so this will focus on their similarities)
for rachel, the goal is to be the heroine of the story, and for khun, it’s to defeat his father and take over as family head. so for rachel, the person she has to surpass is bam, and for khun, that person is his father. both of them have a love/hate relationship, or i guess a rejection/reliance relationship with the people they are trying to surpass.
so rachel wants to climb the tower. at first i thought rachel wasted a huge advantage when she decided to betray bam instead of letting him stay with her. like he was super powerful and loyal as a puppy, she could’ve just hitched a smooth ride straight to the top right? she’s relying on other people to climb the tower anyway so what’s the big deal? but the thing is rachel doesn’t just want to climb up the tower, what she truly wants is to replace bam as the star of the story. sure, she would have smoother time climbing the tower if she relied on him, but she would never reach her true goal of surpassing him.
but despite asserting that she hates bam and wants nothing to do with him, rachel simultaneously seems to take for granted that he cares for her and would take anything she dishes out without complaint. she uses their past connection to her advantage when it’s convenient, while pushing bam away and actively trying to sever that connection. she also has this.. contradictory mindset where shes immensely ambitious and seems to genuinely believe that she can twist destiny into letting her be the heroine, but also wallows in self pity and seems convinced that she’s destined to be too weak to do anything on her own and that’s just. how she’ll always be. it’s in wild contrast to the brash front she puts up when she’s competing with bam, almost like she’s trying to convince everyone and herself that she can be powerful, while not believing it at all.
now on the other hand, khun wants to take over his father as family head. similar to rachel refusing to rely on bam, khun refuses to rely on his natural strengths inherited from his father (the ice spear). on one hand it’s a waste of talent but on the other, his reasoning does make sense- he can’t beat his father with the abilities he inherited from him, just like how rachel can’t surpass bam if she relies on him to climb the tower.
khun also has a love/hate relationship with his family. he’s proud of his heritage and the natural abilities he has thanks to it, but at the same time he obviously doesn’t regard the khun family in a loving light. his childhood sucked, he hates the family politics. within the family, he’s actually in quite a similar position to rachel: he’s an unimportant outcast in a family of like 3000, not a main branch member, not even that powerful compared to his family members. no one’s gonna take him seriously and can you blame them? like, he got kicked out of the family, raided his dad’s treasure house and ran away to the tower. this guy’s dignity is in tatters. and yet, despite all that, he still holds the lofty goal that one day he will rise to the top and take over as family head. he’s very proud and confident in his own abilities. 
however- and this is clearly illustrated in the mini shinsu crisis he has in the hidden floor arc- khun has a very similar mindset to rachel regarding his power. he’s acutely aware of his own weaknesses, and is so insecure that he straight up refuses to even try to work hard when he has no certainty of winning. (sound familiar?) he claims that he will beat his father, but also seems convinced that his father is too overwhelmingly powerful to be beaten. (‘you’d want to run away too if you saw him’)
i don’t doubt that he really wants to be family head, but i suspect that he didn’t think of the goal seriously in the beginning. think about it, it doesn’t even really suit his character. he was raised as a tactician to support his older sister in becoming princess. he played the supporting role in making maria a princess. now he’s helping bam with his goal. khun isn’t really one who uses his abilities for his own goals, it’s always in support of someone. he seemed surprised when rak told him that instead of helping his loved one to the king’s side he should just kill the king and become king instead. i suspect the ambition of becoming family head someday started out as a... sort of way to preserve his hurt pride, instead of a genuine goal. like ‘oh you’re kicking me out? fuck you. i’ll become you.’ he’s working towards the goal, but at the same time still struggling to break out of his old mindset and convince himself that he’s capable of achieving it.
edit: OH also. obviously khun isnt as useless as rachel is but both of them are blessed with very powerful teammates, and their real strengths lie in utilizing those teammates to do their bidding. remember when khun was leading wangnan’s team and started feeling nervous before the exam? and whoever it was (i forgot lol) said that he never knew that it was normal to feel nervous before tests because he’d always been with above average teammates. yeah. these two have been taking the nice teams the author gave them for granted smh.
anyway in conclusion khun and rachel are both characters who set out to reject the role they were meant to play in life and forge their own destiny while having similar contradictory feelings regarding their past and how it shaped their sense of self worth. i think their relationship is really interesting because they don’t just hate each other, they understand each other. just look at that verbal smack down khun gives rachel in the dallar show arc, he absolutely understands how she thinks. when they look at each other they can see their own worst insecurities magnified and reflected, and that’s part of the reason (aside from, y’know, the backstabbing) why they hate each other on such a deep, personal level. and i think it’s precisely these contradictory mindsets they have that make them interesting characters, as well as very human and relatable to read about.
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TATMILB, CHAPTER 3
Penelope spent her life writing love letters, which didn’t seem like a terrible idea until the letters were mailed out and Schneider received one of them. Hoping to fool their exes, they agree to fake a relationship. But are they lying to everyone around them, or to themselves? aka my To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before-inspired AU.
Penelope x Schneider, ODAAT. available on ao3 with extra author’s notes.
Chapter 3: Penelope tries to bond with Alex during movie night; he and Lydia bring the family’s donations to Goodwill. Schneider returns from vacation and confronts Penelope. She panics.
While Schneider was away with Nikki over the weekend, Penelope splurged on a trip to the movies--luring Alex with the promise of food he didn’t have to sneak in.
She was trying to focus on silver linings instead of her anxieties about Elena, and the upsides included her new availability for Alex. Twice as much parent to go around could only lead to more bonding, right?
He had lobbied for an R-rated comedy, which she was definitely not willing to pay for. On her own, she would’ve headed right for the newest Bradley Cooper drama, but no amount of chocolate could convince Alex to sit through that.
So they compromised on an action movie--which would have the added benefit of covering up the sound of her soda later. Agreeing to buy concessions for Alex didn’t make her a different person. Her discount snacks were better than their overpriced junk, anyway.
He grinned at her over his bucket of popcorn while they waited for the lights to go down, and she considered her bribery a success. See, she could be the cool mom. Even if she had Raisinets in her cargo pants.
“Hey, Mom?”
“Yeah?”
“Do you still miss Max?”
Where did that come from? The question hurt, mostly because it was so unexpected. With Max exiting her life right before Lydia’s stroke, neither Alex or Elena had mentioned him much in the last year. They’d all had other things on their minds.
She let the pain pass by before she answered.
“Yes, Papito, I still do. It’s hard to let go of people you love. Sometimes, a part of you misses them even after you’ve moved on.”
He nodded, sipping his soda.
“Do you think you’ll start dating again anytime soon?”
That question was even more out of character for her son, whose world had been so often self-centered since he first came into it.
Penelope narrowed her eyes at him. “Why are you suddenly so interested in my dating life?”
“I was just wondering.”
”Well, I’m having fun the way things are. You and me, catching a movie on a Friday night, mother and son time with Elena away. Why would I want to date when I could be doing this?”
She grabbed a handful of popcorn and caught the way he cringed. Or flinched. Whatever it was, there was guilt there. Her mom radar went up.
“Alex, what is it? Is something going on?”
“It’s nothing!” He assured her in a rush. “It’s just...I kind of--did have a date.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah. You wanted to go out together, so I rain checked it with Chloe for next weekend. But I mean, let’s be real, Mom. This can’t last forever. I’ll go off to college too, or modeling school, whatever, and then who will you hang out with?”
The trailers started playing, just in time, letting her wallow until the movie started.
Penelope couldn’t keep the sadness off her face as she watched Alex settle in with his snacks. He was growing up so fast on her. Too fast. And Elena was practically out of the house already.
She didn’t want to date just to avoid being alone, but hearing that concern from her teenage son? Ouch. So much for being the cool mom.
Now Penelope was glad that they’d picked an action flick. She was ready to watch some stuff blow up.
****
Alex emerged from his room the next morning waving his phone at her.
“Mom, that was the third text I’ve gotten from Elena since she left reminding us to take that stuff to Goodwill.”
“Good morning to you, too,” Penelope replied. 
She was almost out the door, but her son had the luxury of sleeping in on Saturdays until baseball season started. He was taking full advantage of it.
“Seriously, she woke me up--and I need my beauty rest. She’s not gonna stop bugging me until you drop it off.”
“Alex...” Penelope shrugged into her coat, kissing her Mami on the cheek in thanks for the quick cafecito she had substituted for breakfast. “It’s all boxed up, we finished it before she left; it’ll get there.”
“I’m just saying, she’s gonna start texting you next, and I don’t think you’ll enjoy the lectures any more than I do.”
“Well, I’ve got plans with Jill today--and I’m about to be late. Mami?” She raised hopeful eyebrows in Lydia’s direction.
“Hmm?”
“Can you go with Alex to the Goodwill donation dropoff? I won’t be back until dinner.”
“Si, Lupita. Go have fun with your friend, we will handle it.” 
“Great. Thanks. The things I’m getting rid of are in my room, next to the closet.”
“You know, this would be much easier if Schneider had not taken his girlfriend on a vacation.” Lydia frowned. “He could carry much bigger boxes than myself or Papito.”
“Hey, I can lift heavy stuff,” Alex protested. 
“Yes, but you should not have to! You should save your strength for wooing your future wife.” Lydia patted his face.
“Luckily for us--and Alex’s future wife--none of the boxes are all that heavy,” Penelope said. “And there aren’t too many of them. Now, I really have to go. I’ll see you both tonight.”
****
Absorbed in work and school, Penelope didn’t give their Goodwill donations another thought until Tuesday, on her way out of the hospital. The two boxes she’d packed in her room were gone, concluding that chore.
Or so she thought.
Penelope was  digging in her purse for her keys when she saw Schneider striding her way. “Oh, hey! I thought you were gonna be off the grid with Nikki for another couple of days.”
“No, that trip is kind of...over. That whole thing is kind of over.” 
“Again?”
Hurt crossed Schneider’s face before he buried it. He was really good at that, she’d learned--mostly from moments when she was the one hurting him. Way to go, Penelope. 
“I mean, I’m sorry. Are you okay?”
“Eh, I will be. Eventually. It’s not like we were engaged, right?”
Schneider shook his head. “That’s not why I’m here, though. Nikki may have dumped me for one of the jock dads at St. Bibiana’s, but that doesn’t mean I think you and I should blur the lines on the rebound.”
She stared at the creased blue paper he held up as he continued.
“Not that I’m not flattered, obviously. You’re the most badass woman I know, an amazing mom, anybody would be lucky to--”
Penelope’s field of vision narrowed to the letter in his hand, a letter that she definitely recognized. She didn’t hear the rest of his sentence. She could only hear her heart pounding in her ears, making her wonder if she was about to pass out there, next to her car.
How did Schneider get that? What was happening right now?
“I found it slipped under my door when I got home. And honestly, Pen, if you needed to tell me this stuff, you could have just done it in person--we’ve had enough late night chats that nothing’s really off limits at this point.”
She took a deep breath, trying to focus on a technique that worked for her during panic attacks and after nightmares. Since the moment felt like an actual waking nightmare, slowly counting backwards didn’t help much. He was still there. Waiting.
“Schneider, that letter--it’s not what it looks like, I swear. I don’t want to date you. At all. I wrote it because...”
She was still trying to find the words to explain something much too complicated for a parking lot when she saw motion past Schneider’s left shoulder.
Max was exiting the hospital and heading straight for them, holding a bright white envelope in one hand.
It didn’t take a genius to know what he was coming over to say.
Which was good, because Penelope’s mind was not exactly in top condition. It was already a five-alarm fire up in there, and every part of her was screaming I cannot deal with this.
In the fraction of a second she had to consider her options, Penelope acknowledged that the mature response would be to face it now--to explain the situation to her ex-boyfriend and her best friend at the same time.
Or, she decided, as she felt both men’s eyes on her and her palms started to sweat...she could do literally anything else.
Going with her first impulse, Penelope reached up and grabbed Schneider’s shirt with both hands, pulling him toward her. Before Max could get one step closer, she kissed Schneider like her life depended on it.
She couldn’t have explained to anybody why kissing Schneider seemed like a better idea than letting Max think she was still pining over him. Right then, she just needed Max to stay back. To leave them alone. 
Did it work? She wondered. She couldn’t check without breaking off the kiss, but the silence seemed promising.
Of course, the quiet only emphasized the situation she was now in. She was kissing Schneider. She was in a hospital parking lot, a few yards away from her ex-boyfriend, kissing Schneider. 
Pressed against her, Schneider didn’t react. Not after the initial moment, or several more. He let her kiss him, but he didn’t kiss back. And that was fine, Penelope told herself. That was better.
“Thank you,” she said when she let Schneider go. He stood there, flushed and baffled, looking at her like he had never seen her before. 
Though confusion was written all over his face, Schneider nodded. “You’re...welcome?”
Penelope wasn’t willing to push her luck any further. She couldn’t avoid the embarrassment forever, but at least she had managed to postpone it until she got home. She needed time to figure this out.
Without another word, and without glancing back to where Max was probably still holding his own letter, she got into her car and drove home.
****
Her reprieve was brief, not that she’d expected any different. She caught the aroma of dinner as soon as she walked through the door, and barely had time to praise her Mami’s cooking before Schneider arrived.
“Oh, good, Schneider, you are home from your vacación,” Lydia said. “I made enough for you to join us, just in case.”
“Hey,” Alex added from his spot at the table. “You’re back early, right?”
“Yeah, Nikki and I broke up.”
Schneider offered that explanation to Alex, but he was looking at Penelope. She shook her head in response, hoping the tiny movement would go unnoticed by the others. Hoping that Schneider would understand. Not now. Not in front of the family. Please.
His shoulders tensed where he stood, like her silent plea was a blow he had to absorb. But when he finally looked away from her, smiling at Lydia and taking his seat, Penelope knew he would let it go for now. “So you can see why I needed a nice, comforting family dinner this evening.”
“Oh, pobrecito Schneider,” Lydia said, patting his back before she sat down across from him. “You can do better.”
They were waiting for her to settle into her place at the table, but Penelope couldn’t join them until she knew for sure. She headed for her bedroom, straight to the spot where her army duffel would be. 
Or where it used to be.
“Mami?” She returned to the table and sat, trying to sound calm. “What happened to my duffel bag?”
“I don’t know,” Lydia said, pouring herself some rum as though her daughter’s world wasn’t spinning out of control in front of her. “Where did you see it last?”
“I keep it in my closet,” Penelope snapped back. “It’s been there for years. Where did I see it last,” she added in a mutter.
“You do not need to take that tone with me,” her Mami scolded her. “I did not touch your ratty old bag. I do not know where it is.”
“Well, I know I didn’t move it, and it’s gone. So can anybody explain to me how it up and disappeared?”
Lydia thought it over. “I suppose...if it was in your closet...it might be at the Goodwill.”
She clamped down even harder on her temper. “Why would it be at the Goodwill?” 
“As I said, Lupita, I have done nothing wrong. But your boxes were next to the closet. So if it is missing, that may be why.”
“It was just an old duffel bag, right, Mom?” Alex was halfway through his dinner, but he couldn’t ignore the tension in the room. “You can get a new one.”
“Not everything’s replaceable, Alex. That old bag had a lot of memories attached.” She picked up her fork and tried to focus on her food while her mind reeled. It also had five incredibly personal love letters tucked into the inside pocket. Letters she’d never wanted their subjects to read.
Now Max knew she never got over him, and wanted him back. God, after more than a year, how pathetic he must think she was. 
And that didn’t begin to address the other letters. How long until those came back to haunt her, too? What about the man currently watching her while he ate, pretending that he wasn’t? How could she possibly explain any of this to Schneider?
She stabbed at her salad, lost in thought until she was done eating. 
Worried she might snap at him next, even Schneider was quiet during the meal. The scraping of utensils against dishes filled the silence until Penelope cleared her plate and went to her bedroom.
Schneider swallowed loudly after Penelope left, but didn’t offer up his usual attempts to paper over the unease that lingered behind her. 
Instead it was Lydia who broke the silence. “Lupe hasn’t used any of her old bags in years. I do not understand why she is so upset about this one.”
“Maybe she’s going through menopause,” Alex offered up.
Schneider’s fork clattered loudly onto his plate. 
Lydia shook her head. “No, that can’t be the problem, Papito. She is far too young.”
“It can start between the ages of 40 and 50,” Alex argued, ignoring the way Schneider was gaping at him. “Mom’s just inside the window.”
“This is very inappropriate talk,” Lydia scolded him, standing up to clear the rest of the plates.
“Elena wouldn’t stop lecturing me about it, okay? She wanted me to be ready when it happened in case she was moved out already. You know how she never shuts up.”
Schneider left Alex sitting alone to go find Penelope--normally she would be back out with the family after dinner, but if she was going to try this hard to avoid him, she wasn’t giving him much choice. 
With Lydia at the sink and Alex’s face in his phone already, Schneider doubted the others would even notice him gone. 
He tapped lightly on her door. “Penelope?” 
The long silence wasn’t comforting, but eventually he heard a quiet “Come in” and let himself in. 
“Hey,” he said as he shut the door behind him. “You know, Max seemed just as confused as me, back at the hospital. He just sort of stared at me, once you drove off, for the longest five seconds in history, and then he left without saying anything.”
“Yeah?” Penelope was looking at the floor more than him, but he could tell she was listening.
“Yeah. I think he wanted to talk to you too. Which made me even more confused. What’s going on?”
A brisk rap on the door sounded before it opened--not giving either of them time to respond. 
“Mami.”
“It’s time for dessert,” Lydia told them. “What are you two doing in here?”
Penelope ignored the gossipy insinuation in her tone--she knew better than anyone that it was her Mami’s way of hoping something interesting was about to happen, whether it actually was or not. “We were talking about dessert, actually. I was asking Schneider if he wanted to go with me to get ice cream.”
She raised her eyebrows, hoping he would follow her lead. “What do you say? Dessert run?”
Whatever he was thinking, or feeling, Schneider kept it to himself. “Sure, Pen. Sounds good. My treat.”
“Oh, Schneider, you are such a generous man,” Lydia told him with a hand on his arm--laying it on a little thick even by her usual standards. 
“Mami, calm down. It’s ice cream, not new shoes.”
“Lydia, did you want new shoes?” Schneider perked up, and Penelope grabbed him by the arm to pull him past her mom before they could get any ideas. 
“She doesn’t need you to buy her shoes. Let’s go.”
Penelope rushed him to the door with one hand on his back, nudging him forward as she opened it.
She was in such a hurry, she almost shoved him directly into Ben--who was standing on the other side, hand raised to knock. 
“Oh, hey, Penelope. Is this a bad time?”
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xxgoblin-dumplingxx · 4 years
Text
Sick Little Games: Twenty-Nine
Clint knocked back the rest of his whiskey and took a deep breath. Today had been hard. Really hard. And he hated watching on the sidelines while you fought a bitter, bloody battle. 
You had fought hard. It was a valiant effort. But it was in vain. It just hadn’t been enough. And Clint knew you were heartbroken.
What he didn’t know was how it had gotten so... bad. How everything had gotten so far off track and into the woods. In his head, he could hear a conversation. One from long ago. One from the night he met you.
He and Natasha had been the first people to meet Tony. He’d been doing some consulting work or... something. Whatever it was that Tony had allowed SHIELD to pay him to do. 
Clint had met him following him around while he did Tony things, and of course, Nat had met him before that. It had been exhausting, and all Clint had wanted to do was eat and be unconscious for a little while. Tony was really good at making him feel like an idiot, and his impostor syndrome was in full swing. Because, how can Clint be worth his spot on the team if they want someone like Tony? A high school drop out with a GED and no real claim to fame other than some incredible marksmanship. 
At least. At least until Tony had declared that he was hungry and demanded some food be ordered. Clint had to give it to him, he was charming. Charming in a way that made you want to punch him in the teeth even as he made you laugh. But Clint was less than interested in talking. He was in full sulk mode. 
He didn’t want to be noticed. But that didn’t stop you from noticing. Newly instated as an official agent. Clint had heard of you but never seen you. Natasha was in charge of training you, and she had good things to say. You were green but had some up-and-coming talent, powers, and augmentation aside. 
Still. As you picked your way up to his perch, like a little nimble mountain goat, he couldn’t help but smile a little. 
“So,” you muse, handing him a plate, “How much chaos can I cause with a nerf gun?”
Clint cocked his head and gave you a look, “Chaos, huh?”
“It’s been a while since Fury’s been reminded he can’t control everything,” you say, smirking.
“And how exactly are you gonna remind him of that with a toy?” he asks around a mouthful of pizza.
“Wanna fuck around and find out?” you counter, pulling one out of your cargo pocket.
And Clint knew he should say no. And council caution but your smile had made his brain stop working and, as he watched you take aim at the side of Tony’s neck, Clint couldn’t say no. It was satisfying. So very gratifying that Stark was about to be under siege with nothing he could do about it. And as it devolved into nerf darts and makeshift barricades, not even Clint’s impostor syndrome could keep him from participating. He’d had your back, enjoying teaching you the finer points of sniping people from shadowy corners. 
He wished, studying the amber liquid in his glass, that you’d bothered to learn those lessons a little better. That you had learned to lie and sneak. To press your advantage and destroy someone. Because in the end, it had been your honesty. Your heart. That had been the undoing of all your careful plans. The same heart Bucky had exploited once, had betrayed you again. And Clint couldn’t even be angry at you. He knew that anything he could say was only a fraction of all the hateful things you were saying to yourself. And somehow, that had hurt more than he could say. 
_________
You lay on the mat where you fell. The day's exertion and your exhaustion keeping you down as you play your day in court back in your head. You’d had a strong case. Good lawyers. An Ace in the hole. Everything you needed. 
But you’d underestimated the fear of you. And the religious fervor that persisted in that county. So much so that even an endorsement of your character by Captain Fucking America hadn’t been enough. 
Not once, Bucky had given his statement. He’d said that Cap didn’t know what you got up to in your off time. Promiscuity. With him. Premarital sex. An abortion. It had been everything he needed. And, God bless the boys. Too young and indoctrinated to understand that someone could lie about you. The misogyny of the church too ingrained. When it had come time for them to speak, to be your ace in the hole and say that they had contacted you. That they were afraid of Stirling and had been seeking safety. They’d called you a Sorceress. Told that they feared you instead. And you knew. You knew they’d never come to you now. They could forgive a lot of things in service of getting out from under Stirling’s thumb. But not that. Not when they’d been told all their lives that a woman’s purpose was to have children and raise them.  They hadn’t looked at you again after. You were a murderer. Beyond redemption. They may not be able to judge you, but they were pretty sure they knew how god would, and. As such. They wouldn’t even attempt to come near you now. 
You wished you could have lied. Hidden everything. Even from Clint and just stayed away. If you had stayed away like you wanted, none of this would have happened. You never would have seen your family again. Never would have been abandoned again. You’d wanted this so much. To save your boys. But nothing was going to make it happen now. They didn’t want you. 
When the training room door bangs open, you pull yourself into a sitting position slowly. But you don’t turn. You know those footsteps, and you know it’s Bucky. 
He stands next to you, and you don’t move. Or turn to look at him. 
“Y/N,” he said, his voice approaching something like tenderness, “I did it for you.”
When you don’t answer, he presses on, “You wouldn’t be happy out in the country playing housewife for Barton and cleaning up after those kids.”
He offers you a hand, wanting to pull you to your feet.
You look up at him slowly, and he smiles a little, “C’Mon. I’ve got a place we can go to. No one will find us. Not till the dust settles.”
“Fuck you,” you bite out, shoving his hand out of your face. 
Bucky pulled back, calculating. You were supposed to be broken. Properly broken. Willing to come with him. Shaken out of all your little pastel daydreams.
“You don’t mean that doll,” he rumbled, trying again, “Come on. I can make it feel better.”
You get to your feet and try to get away from him. Not trusting yourself to keep your anger in check. Not trusting yourself not to kill him if he didn’t back off. And metal fingers close insistently around your wrist to stop you. 
And you don’t think. All you do is react. Eyes glowing silver and nothing but a red, raging, awful haze takes place where reason and compassion usually sit in your mind. 
And when you rear back to hit him, Bucky plans to deflect it. He thinks he can dodge it. But when he puts his hand up to block it, the force of the impact shattered every bone in his arm and left Bucky reeling back from the pain, and he knew that if someone were to touch his arm, it would feel like a tube of toothpaste with marbles in it. And he also knew that the healing process was going to be excruciating. 
“Touch me again,” you growl, teeth bared.
“Y/N,” he said, a sense of danger rising in the pit of his stomach. 
“Fuck around and find out Bucky,” you tempt, “You wanna see how easily I can rip someone apart? You wanna see what else those fuckers did to me? Touch me again. I promise. I’ll slow it down so you can watch.”
Energy crackles as your fingers curl into fists at your sides, and Bucky knows. He knows that he has to tread very lightly, or you're going to tear him to pieces. He knows that currently, no one in the tower can stop you. And not for the first time, he’s thankful for his metal arm. At least that one you can’t liquify. 
So as he rocks back on his heels reluctantly taking his fighting stance and you start forward, he knows he only has once chance. He has to stay out of your way because if you get a hold of him, not a force on Earth can pull you off of him. Even the one on Asgard has to struggle to do it.
_________
Across town, the hair on the back of Clint’s neck stands up. He knows that you asked for space. For a little time to wallow and sort out your feelings. But maybe, just maybe, he figures he ought to get on home and make sure you weren’t doing anything you couldn’t undo. Because he had a sense. And awful sense that that was probably exactly what you were doing. 
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anakinskywalkher · 4 years
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Palpatine raises the twins and accidentally activates Anakin’s dadmodus - An alternative Star Wars plot.
@jasontoddiefor: Palpatine raises the twins & angst w/ Vader not knowing who the two are @dlegohargreeves: im gonna fuck shit up
written together on WhatsApp while listen to crack music.
------
(Barbara) Palpatine has long before he declared himself emperor abandoned the ways of the Sith. He uses them to create utmost loyalty to himself but he will not abide to the rules of his predecessor, one Palpatine would’ve defeated had he been around at that time.  People, be they sith, jedi, or other are all moldable to whatever he wants them to be.
He tricks Padme with sugar and soothed spun words, manipulates Anakin with spice and presses on his rage ("the jedi forbid you from loving your mother thats why you couldnt save her. i would never")  -- Palpatine is aware of the long game, but he has eternity. He’s a god, no one will be able to withstand him.
What Anakin never realised was that he wasnt the actual chosen one, Palpatine had seen in his vision that Anakin's children were in fact the chosen ones, and so when confronted with the soft boy he molded him into this shell to avoid his vision from happening,.... and yet these damnable children are still born. Palpatine is terrified that he wasn’t the only one with the true vision and firmly believes that owning the twins would be the least risky choice. (like he owned anakin, who long ago posed a risk)
He hunts them down, -- while anakin/Vader is completely crippled by his mental breakdown about "murdering" Padme and his child. Palpatine smiles and lets him wallow, for what Vader doesnt know is that Palpatine the God poisoned padme once he found out about her pregnancy.
Palpatine finds them, born hours ago and already pulsing brightly with the power of the force. Obi-Wan puts up a fight but Palpatine strikes him. He gloats to Obi-wan, brags about killing Padme, about manipulating Anakin (”I have taken everything from you, and now I will take your life) and takes the children. He leaves Obi-wan to bleed out by his stomach wound a faraway galaxy          (Palpatine reasons that Obiwan deserves it for this is how he left Vader to die. )
And so Palpatine at the rise of his galactic empire ends up with a crippled sith boy (not a man no matter what anakin thought), and with two babies who are most powerful force users in history. (now were shifting to meta instead of story telling lmao)
Palpatine has a god complex, he doesnt actually believe he would ever die, such petty thing is only for the unfortunate. even if his body would succumb to age, his mind through the force would rule forever -- he is unstoppable. To rule however even a godlike emperor needs tools, and while Vader is to be his guarddog the twins he believe can be shaped and molded into his personal hands, amplify his reach across galaxies.
So to mold them into his tools, Palpatine believes in starving them for love, only ever receiving ounces of recognition and pride. always craving his acknowledgment -- and it works, the twins once old enough to have actual brains (according to palpatine) he removes their wetnurses and gives them teachers, makes their training cruel and harsh and make them compete for his gaze. And it works till a certain extent, but Palpatine’s god-complex makes him blind to things he deems unneccessary, And thus he misses how the mourning of Vader for his family, turns him into a guilt-ridden man who believes giving these children some form of attention and care as penance for his own misgivings. And thus without meaning to Vader gives the children the love Palpatine tries to deny them (accidentally shifting their loyalty on the long run)
Elias: Vader hates the kids at first, with them reminding him of everything he lost and could have had, but at the end of the day, after some aggressive introspection, he gets that they’re just kids and probably starts projecting a lot the longer he’s exposed to them -- Vader, guilty, sneaks them candy and gives them stuff that’s kinda useless (like books that are not about politics or war or economics and and and) and he doesn’t think it’s much but the two would kill a man for him and probably have done so. ((Palpatine tries to break apart the codependent twins, forcing them apart for weeks, but the Force, unlike anything is a tool in hands of desperate children with a bond so strong it connected their mind)) This is not healthy, Vader thought, recalling decade old lessons from the Jedi. The twins rarely spoke, never mind both at the same time. They’re asked for their opinions, echoes of the Emperor’s wishes, and only one of them replies. They always moved at the same time, terrifying weapons of perfect synchrony, constantly aware of the other’s presence. They were living at least half in each other’s mind, even when the Emperor depraved them of contact for weeks. They were clingy afterwards, holding each other’s hands and wrists until they bruised, but Vader knew their minds were never separated. Luke slammed their teacher’s (victim’s) head to the ground as Leia kicked away his feet. They didn’t need any call signs, or training in coordination, one moved and the other followed. During battles, the twins’ dependence was a huge advantage. “Again,” Vader called out and the two of them fell back into the first Kata, the bleeding teacher still lying on the ground.
Barbara: However once the twins are older they need to learn through missions, so Vader has to take them along for missions  (once Palpatine believes they wont connect with Vader) - it starts normal but Vader slowly starts to make the missions longer, gives the kids downtime, lets them free and just engages small talk with them, he can’t face himself if he doesn't let them be actual children. But the twins are suspicious believing theres a catch but Leia, the master mind realises that theres none and so they accept reluctantly, and slowly but surely they learn how to be children under Vader’s tutelage. It takes time and dulling a sharpened blade, but the moment, that first time when the twins laugh and seem actually happy, its that moment that Vader decides, he has to become Anakin again, because these children are his second chance - And so he starts planning.
(insert a bit of crack:
Elias: Firmus: Lord Vader, are we to expect you and the Operatives back tomorrow? Vader: we haven’t finished the mission yet -Leia and Luke like 12 or so, in the background yelling in excitement bc idk they got a game, neither are in uniform- Firmus: Of course )
Barbara: Anakin: "i made sand castles when I was young" Leia: “that structure seems awfully unstable for a house”
But ever since Vader mentions the sand castle, the usually more mature one Leia clings to the idea and while he wishes he could show her, but his suit and wounds cant handle the sand. And when he explains Luke goes " well lets get u a proper suit then" and vader goes " im a moron" (leia in the back: yes duh) So Anakin looks into the treatment he’s still receiving to see if he can make it so that his breathing machine could withstand the sand and realises that Palpatine is actually keeping his body weak, he has no need of the breathing machine because its that actual machine thats poisoning his lungs. So of course Vader does a lowrisk experiment and turns off the machine and he can actually breath fresh air in 12 years (the rage controlling Anakin is one different than those before, for it is ice in his veins instead of fire. And it makes him tactical instead of foolish for once). Soon after that Vader catches some rebel transmission and  finds out that Obi-wan is alive and looking for the twins and its that moment that Anakin 'kills' Vader, believing that Obi-wan can save the twins in a way he can't.
Anakin takes the kids to fight the rebels on Palpatines order but he seizes the chance and instead he shows them his face without the mask (lets ignore the idea that hed be bald bc i hate the uglification of ani) and Leia goes: You look an awful lot like luke Anakin who hasnt actually seen his own image for 12 years, realises that luke is a spitting image of himself as a child, and leia who is glaring at him, he realises, is a carbon copy of Padme. BUT anakin thinks hes projecting and doesnt follow up with it.
Instead he asks them (and for leia this will always be the most important part), he asks them if they wish to stay with Palpatine and do his bidding or to dissapear with him -- and well the choice is easy right, Luke&Leia don’t actually like Palpatine, because despite everything, the force made them sensitive and they feel so much (the despair of the people, the sadness of Vader, the greed of Palpatine)
So they leave for Tattooine, the one place where Palpatine would never look because he never found out that Anakin realised his suit was a boobytrap. The wanted pictures of the twins (both bald shaven and in uniform) nor the one of Anakin (known as Vader, with the helmet)  soon dont match the long haired white dress wearing twins and the blond haired bronzed man.
and so Anakin and the twins go into hiding, but guess whose on Tatooine? Thats right -- ObiWan
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thor-tony · 5 years
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Consider this: Thor/Tony high school pining idiots AU
The Avengers are in their senior year and part of student government which includes a senate committee. Their positions are as follows: Rhodey- Presiding Officer; Pepper - Treasurer; Bruce - Secretary; Sam - Senator of Discipline; Thor - of Athletics; Nat - of PR; Tony - of Student Life, Clint - of Service, Steve - of Academics)
The committee members are all good friends with each other but they also have their own close-knit group of friends outside of the committee that they moan to about their crushes
Thor and Steve are also in the football team (duh)
Tony likes to watch them practice after AP Physics and likes dragging Rhodey with him. He always claims that he’s just there to support Happy as well as his friends from student gov. Rhodey knows better and teases him and urges him to stop acting like some teenage girl in an anime watching senpai practices on the side hoping senpai would notice him. 
Tony doesn’t know if he should be concerned how Rhodey knows all those anime references or if he should be really doing some self-reflection. But as far as he’s concerned Thor and Val are an item, or at least have something going on. Val is a year below them, she’s highly competitive with Thor but they also have this tension between them which Tony thinks would be really hot if he wasn’t pining for Thor. And she’s going to be the Senator of Athletics next year for sure. The two are just so close and they’re always laughing and hugging and they’re so perfect and excuse Tony for a sec, he’s wallowing in his sorrow again.  
When Tony’s not feeling sorry for himself, he’s offering the football team based some strategic plays on his observations. The team of guys who are mostly 6′2″ all respect this tiny compact 5′9″ genius, and some would say adore, which is especially true for a certain linebacker with a thunderous laugh. Tony’s presence always motivates him to put in extra effort at practice. So maybe he’s a bit of a show off but he wants Tony’s attention. Tony’s smart, funny and attentive, and offered to get him greasy breakfast food and a hangover cure when Thor came to school after a wild house party one day. Thor’s never forgotten that act of kindness and care.
Then one day before practice, Steve, who’s also captain of the football team, runs up to Tony before practice begins, to express his thanks for Tony’s input and support as they'd won their game the night before, which was against their biggest rival Hydra High. Tony’s taken aback by the genuine gratitude being expressed towards him, and from Steve, of all people, who always challenges/disagrees with him during their senate meetings. He’s not used to this and he blushes from the praise.
School gossip circulates the next day on the Daily Bugle section of their school’s smartphone app. Everyone in the comments section is wondering if the Captain has captured The Tony Stark’s heart because someone has snapped a picture of that moment with the two yesterday. Tony doesn’t pay much attention to the rumours because he’s used to being the topic of people’s conversation -- it kind of comes with the price being a Stark -- and it will soon be yesterday’s news anyway. 
But now Thor is really bummed by the rumours, and it’s all making sense now why Tony watches their practice all the time. And it also explains the whole Tony and Steve glaring staring-at-each-other-until-someone-clears-their-throat thing at their meetings. And it doesn’t help overhearing what Tony’s been saying to Rhodey over lunch. (Yes he’s pathetic, as his brother has kindly reminded him, choosing a table so ‘causally and coincidentally’ next to Tony’s so he can be closer to him in hopes of getting a smile from him)
At the table a couple metres over, Tony’s been saying to Rhodey something about luscious blond locks and a golden smile that warms the whole galaxy, a spirit so vigorous yet gentle like the morning sun, and, “he’s so kindhearted and funny and those muscles !! Rhodey!! I’ll admit it’s shallow of me but it’s a work of art, I’m only human, and we all strive for beauty and art.” 
When Tony and Rhodey turn to leave, they notice Thor’s been sitting right next to them this whole time and oh shit, he’s not supposed to hear that oh no! He must think I’m shallow only lusting after him, and he’s gonna avoid me now congrats for blowing it Tony! Great!
Tony gives them a tight smile turns on his heels, and Thor is even sadder now. Not only has he lost Tony to the Captain, but now Tony’s mad at him for eavesdropping. Even Loki can’t tell who’s Tony is talking about and he wouldn’t be surprised if the rumours turn out to be true. He can only pat his brother’s slumped shoulder and offer him his ice cream as consolation.
Now in comes Steve, who may be a bit of a disaster when it comes to his own love life but he’s observant and he can tell when his friends are into each other. He knows about the rumours going on and he uses them to his advantage, teams up with Rhodey so they can work together to get their friends’ heads out of their asses and admit their crushes on each other. Thor and Tony are being dumb, okay, and the rest of their friends are really tired watching them blush and stammer at each other or moaning about each other at lunch when they can just be making out under the bleachers instead and their friends can finally eat in peace.
So Steve decides to rile Thor up a bit, play up the rumours and make them seem true. In the locker rooms before practice he’ll be singing Tony’s praises, saying, “Tony really had an incredible idea for our next charity event, don’t you think, Thor? He’s got such a great business sense. With Nat’s help I’m sure they’re going to get a lot of sponsors. He’s so great.”
Thor, through gritted teeth, says, “Yes, he’s wonderful. You know I think he’s amazing.”
Steve: “He sure is! We had lunch together today --”
“I noticed.”
“-- and he was so cute when he had trouble opening his jar of chia pudding -- apparently he’s trying to eat healthy at least once a week. Anyway, I got it open for him and he was really sweet. He went on and on about how much he’s appreciative of big muscles paired with shiny blond hair, and how he loves watching football practice because of the way our pants fit. Isn’t he the best? He’s outside now waiting for us to go out and start practice and man, I’m just so glad to provide him with a nice view when he’s sitting on those bleachers watching us.”
And if Thor had bothered parsing out those words, he’d realize that everything Steve had described was vague enough that he could totally be referring to himself and insinuating that he and Tony are an item (or close to being one) OR he could be talking about Thor and how Tony loves watching him.
But Thor’s seething, okay, he’s annoyed because Steve KNOWS how much he’d always liked Tony. He doesn’t need to rub it in like this. Thor’s frustrated af because hello???? He has all those qualities that Steve described too??? Why can’t Tony look at him instead of stupid perfect Steve???
Thor’s a dumbass.
A week later, Thor, Steve, Nat, and Rhodey are sitting at lunch together so they can discuss their group project for their environmental science class. Of course, things get off topic and Homecoming is brought up. Nat mentions she’s going to be sending out another email to the student body about nominations for Homecoming king and queen, and reminds the guys that they need to send Pepper daily updates on how many tickets they’ve sold. Steve nudges Rhodey a bit and nods at Thor, which prompts Rhodey to go, “You know, Tony’s been waiting for a certain blond football player to ask him to the dance. And if said football player doesn’t do so soon then Tony might think the worst of himself and wallow for the rest of the month. I’m probably gonna have to give up my homecoming plans to console him for that entire weekend. Bring him ice cream, watch Star Trek with him until he forgets about aforementioned football player.” He says that last part very, very pointedly.
Thor’s glaring at Steve when he hears this. He thinks, what the fuck dude? He’s your boyfriend and you haven’t even asked him to the dance yet? You don’t know how to appreciate him, ugh, I could do so much better.
At the same time, Steve turns to Thor, cheeky shit-eating smile on his face and says, “You heard him. When the hell are you going to get your act together and ask Tony out, huh? If you wait any longer someone else is going to snatch him off the market.”
And Thor’s so confused because wait, Steve isn’t dating Tony??? He wants to smack himself because what the FUCK, he’s an idiot. Tony likes him back and they could have been dating and sharing milkshakes and sitting together at lunch this whole time if Thor had just asked Tony out for a coffee in junior year when Tony offered him that hangover cure.
So Thor gets up, marches over to Tony’s table with half his lunch -- an uneaten cheeseburger (he ran out to Burger King and bought two that day -- he gets hungry, okay?) -- and the thermos of coffee he keeps in his bag and presents it to the school’s resident genius.
Tony, who’d been alternating between complaining to Pepper and Happy about not having a date to the dance and gazing longingly at Thor, is completely surprised by his crush’s sudden appearance by his side.
The blond cuts to the chase. “I know this isn’t the fanciest way to ask, but I didn’t want to waste any more time,” he tells Tony. He pushes the food over to Tony, knowing that he’s weak for junk food and caffeine, and, apparently, Thor. “Would you accept this greasy burger and unfortunately lukewarm coffee, and, perhaps, go to homecoming with me?”
Clint, who’d been watching and lazily shoving waffle fries in his mouth, goes, “fuckin’ finally, god.”
“Shut up, birdbrain,” Tony says without even looking at Clint, because he’s too busy staring at Thor with heart eyes and wow, is that a flush of red creeping up Thor’s neck? He’s adorable.
Of course, Tony says yes. And just for the record, that was the best way anyone has ever asked him out.
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parsnipit · 4 years
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choose your own grillster part vi: easier to bear
warnings: insecurities, self-loathing
a/n: here we are!!! the end of my first choose-your-own-grillster, and what an experience it was!! i had so much fun reading your guys’ opinions and writing in response to them, and i learned a bunch in the process!! i’m definitely looking forward to doing something similar to this in the future :3 but for now, please enjoy the end, and happy valentine’s day!!!
part i | previous
and here is some music to go along with this part, if you’re into that sorta thing :D
---
“...” Grillby hunches his shoulders, glancing away.
“Grillby?” Gaster’s brow furrows with concern. “Hey—hey, something’s wrong, isn’t it?”
Grillby’s eyes flick towards the ground. He opens his mouth, then shuts it again. Gods, why is it so hard to just talk about this? Why is it always so hard to find words when he needs them most? He balls his hands into fists, then forces them to relax again. “I’m sorry,” he manages, finally. It’s the only thing he knows for sure.
“No, sweetheart, don’t be. It’s okay. It’s—”
“It’s not okay,” Grillby says, terse and frustrated. He takes a deep breath, trying to smooth his voice out. “It’s Valentine’s Day. It’s supposed to be a happy day. I know you’re really excited about it, and I don’t want to mess that up for you. I’ll be okay, really. It’s nothing that can’t wait. Let’s just go wherever we’re going and—”
“No.”
“Wings.” He rubs his temples. “Please. I don’t want Valentine’s Day to go to shit just because of me. I want to spend time with you. I want to enjoy this night. I want to see what kind of date you have planned for us—I know you’ve worked hard on it. Don’t let me ruin this.”
“No, you know what would ruin it, Grillby?” Gaster asks, and when Grillby glances up, he has his hands on his hips and a scowl on his face. “You forcing yourself through something while you’re suffering just to make me feel good. I want a partner, not a damned martyr, and you know it. Why on earth would you think I’d be happy to let you suffer?”
“It’s not suffering! Or it—it shouldn’t be,” he insists. “Being with you, doing things with you, having fun, it shouldn’t be suffering. I should be looking forward to it. I should be happy. I should—”
Gaster slashes a hand through the air. “Enough with the I shoulds. You can’t always control how you feel. You can’t expect that of yourself.”
“Yes, but the way I act on how I feel is entirely within my control, and I don’t want to act this way. I want to act like a decent damned husband for once.”
“A decent—for once—? Grillby, you’re an amazing husband!”
Grillby scowls, folding his arms across his chest. Dark, unhappy smoke trickles from the corners of his mouth. “It doesn’t feel like it. This doesn’t feel like what an amazing husband feels like on Valentine’s Day. So can’t we just forget about it, just for tonight, and—”
Gaster flails his arms. “No!”
“We’re going to be late—”
“I don’t give a shit about that! I don’t want to go anywhere if you’re feeling this badly. I’ll reschedule, it’s not a big deal.”
“You spent money—”
“It’ll transfer to the next reservation.”
“You had a plan—”
“I’m adapting it.”
“You wanted—”
“I want to help you stop feeling like shit.”
“Then just let me act like something other than shit! Let me take you out, let me make you happy, for gods’ sake, it’s Valentine’s Day and you deserve it.”
“No.” Gaster folds his arms over his chest, the stubborn bastard. “I won’t feel happy if we go out tonight while you’re feeling like this. I’ll let you spoil me some other time, if that’s what you need to feel better, but tonight we are staying home and we are talking. Look, the kids are gone, we have peace and quiet for the next few hours, so let’s just figure this out together.”
Grillby scowls, a hoard of unpleasant emotions boiling in his chest. “I don’t want to—I don’t—I can’t—agh!” He sparks in frustration, beginning to pace. Words twist and curl in his throat, but none of them are right, none of his arguments are ever strong or clever enough to keep Gaster from carving holes through them.
...but for once, Gaster doesn’t speak. He sits down on the bed, crosses his legs, and waits in utter, damning silence.
Pressure builds in Grillby’s chest, and he flexes his fingers and claws desperately for his words. He has to say something. The longer this silence stretches between them, the worse he feels—the stupider, the weaker, the wronger. His flames shudder in distressed reds, and still, still Gaster doesn’t offer him reprieve. He looks...sad.
Grillby made him sad.
Fuck. Of course he did.
His pacing comes to a sharp halt, and he straightens up, clasping his arms behind his back again in a foul mimicry of parade rest. (That position, at the very least, reminds him of a time when he was more than some miserable backwater bartender.) “I’m sorry,” he says briskly. “There’s no saving tonight, is there?”
Gaster tilts his head, then stands and crosses the room. He stops behind Grillby, resting a hand against his back. “The night is fine the way it is.”
“It isn’t.”
“What makes you say so?”
“I’m upsetting you.”
Gaster leans his head against the back of Grillby’s shoulder. “...alright, well, there’s that,” he admits. “I am upset, but not about missing out on a date. I’m upset that you feel so badly about feeling badly. I’m upset that you’d rather make me happy than make yourself less miserable.”
“You deserve to be happy.”
“I know,” Gaster says, simply, “but I’d rather not take that happiness at your expense, my dear. We’ll go and have fun some other time. Right now, this is more important.”
“It really isn’t. I—”
“It is. If not to you, than to me. You won’t be making me happy if we go out tonight, not like this. You know that.”
Grillby’s shoulders feel so—so heavy. It’s an effort to keep them from sagging, especially as Gaster leans more heavily against him. “I know,” he says, his voice soft and rough. “I’m sorry. I really wanted you to be happy.”
“I know you did, sweetheart.” Gaster kisses his shoulder, then winds his arms around his waist and burrows against his back. “For what it’s worth, you did your part. Those desserts, they were wonderful. They made me very, very happy. Tonight’s date was supposed to be me making you happy.”
“It was supposed to be about making us happy.”
“And it will make us just as happy some other time,” Gaster says firmly. “I should have checked to see how you were feeling before I made plans.”
“You made these plans weeks ago, Wings. I was feeling perfectly fine weeks ago.”
“What changed?”
Grillby shrugs helplessly.
“Nothing happened?” Gaster presses. “Nothing caused you to feel this way? No memories? No unpleasant anniversaries I don’t know about? No bad dreams, no stressful situations?”
“I—I guess I did have a weird dream last night.” He rubs the back of his head, flickering a frown. “I don’t remember it.”
“But it made you feel bad?”
“I woke up feeling badly, yes.”
Gaster rubs his cheek against Grillby’s shoulder, humming sympathetically. “My poor boy,” he murmurs. Something sharp and unpleasant yanks in Grillby’s chest again. “You’ve been feeling bad all day?”
“I mean, not bad bad, just—I don’t know. I’m wallowing.”
“It’s okay to feel bad.”
“I don’t want to.”
Gaster laughs quietly, squeezing him. “I’d imagine not. I’m sorry you have to go through this, but things are gonna be okay, you know?”
“Yeah. I know. I just wish I didn’t have to wait. There’s no point to feeling badly right now, no rhyme or reason, no sense, no advantage. It just ruins an entire day for nothing.”
“Was the whole day bad? Not even a little good part?”
Grillby thinks for a moment. “I suppose—I suppose getting nice cream with the children was good.”
“And seeing Belous, was that fun?”
“What?”
“Belous?” Gaster peers up at him. “You know? When you made the little raven?”
Guilt sears in his throat, burns along his shoulders in flickers of shameful yellow, and he swallows rapidly. “I—that wasn’t today.”
“Oh? Really? You just left it in your pocket, then?” It isn’t an accusation—it sounds like Gaster is genuinely trying to believe him.
Grillby opens his mouth, but his words falter again.
“...Grillby?” Gaster nudges gently into the crook of his neck.
He can’t say anything. He can’t tell Gaster the truth, but chasing this lie seems utterly futile—moreover, both options make him feel like shit. His hands curl into fists again, black smoke trickling between his teeth. The silence stretches, taut and painful.
“Hey,” Gaster says, after a moment. “It’s okay. We have time.”
They have far, far too much time—especially when Gaster has decided to be patient, of all things. That patience is more threatening than anything else. Grillby yearns to begin pacing again, but Gaster’s arms are snug around him, and he dares not struggle away. Instead, he stands stiff and unyielding and wretched, and Gaster?
...Gaster begins to hum a lullaby, soft and slow and sleepy.
It soothes the silence just enough to make Grillby feel like it’s not tearing him apart.
Gaster pulls, and Grillby allows himself to be guided backwards, onto the bed. He sits heavily on the corner of the mattress, and Gaster drapes against his back, sharp and familiar. He wraps one arm gently around Grillby’s waist, and his other hand goes to work tracing aimless patterns across Grillby’s chest and collarbones. He loosens Grillby’s bowtie, and the sudden lack of pressure around his throat makes him feel smaller and softer and wronger.
When he takes another breath, it hitches in his chest.
Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. He clamps a hand over his mouth, forcing himself to breathe slowly and calmly. Gaster makes a soft, pained sound and burrows against his neck. “Grillby,” he says. “Honey, it’s okay. It’s okay.”
Grillby’s eyes sting, and then there are tears rolling down his face and dripping off of his jaw to sizzle on the blankets and he is a wretched, miserable, stupid creature with an aching soul and a head full of warped glass. Gaster croons softly at him, hugging him more tightly.
“It’s alright,” he whispers. “It’s alright, you can cry, you can be sad. You don’t have to be strong right now.”
That doesn’t feel at all like the truth. Gods, his chest hurts. He reaches up with his free hand and digs his fingers into his sternum, but Gaster gently pushes his hand away and begins rubbing soothing circles over his soul instead. It eases the ache, if only slightly. As he massages Grillby’s chest, Gaster continues to murmur sweet condolences against his neck, and Grillby shudders and breathes and cries as quietly as he can.
“I’m sorry,” he repeats, his voice ragged. “I’m sorry, Wings, I’m sorry I’m so sorry I’m sorry—”
“No, sweetheart, no no no. You don’t have to be sorry for this.”
“It’s supposed to be a happy day, it was supposed to be good for you, it was—”
“It’s okay if things don’t always turn out the way they’re supposed to.”
“And I can’t do—can’t do anything right, I couldn’t—”
“Hey, that’s not true.”
“—even make your Valentine’s Day present the right way, couldn’t take you on a good date, couldn’t even act like a decent goddamn husband—”
“Grillby! Enough,” Gaster says, his voice suddenly whiplash sharp. Grillby bares his teeth. “That’s enough. I don’t want to hear anything else like that. You are wonderful. We will go on an incredible date some other time, and you will make me very happy. And your Valentine’s gift was perfect—it always is.”
“Because it’s the same old thing year after year after year,” he says, his voice bitter. “The second I try to do something different, the whole day’s ruined.”
“Different?”
“The bird!” Grillby flails a hand angrily at the glass raven. “The stupid bird, I made it for you. Gods, and it’s so ugly, it’s humiliating, it’s—”
“For me?”
“Yes. Fuck. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have even tried, I should have just—”
“Grillby.” Gaster takes his shoulders and rattles him gently. “Griiiiillby. I’m so—I’m so happy you thought of me. I’m so happy you even tried to make me something. No, it’s not perfect. No, it’s not even close to anatomically correct. It’s clumsy and awkward and obviously not an experienced attempt—”
Grillby can’t help but laugh wetly. “What happened to making me feel better? I think you’re doing it wrong.”
“—but you tried, for me.” Gaster reaches forward, gently cupping Grillby’s chin and pulling it around until their eyes meet. “And that makes me really, really happy, Grillbz. Thank you. I know you aren’t comfortable trying new things, but it means a lot that you made an effort. You know what, though?”
Grillby rubs his eyes. “What?”
“Even if you never tried anything new, I would be happy. I’m happy with you this way. Yes, I like new things, I like surprises, but I know you don’t, and I knew that when I married you. I’m not asking you to change. Of course—” He cracks a grin. “I won’t complain if you want to change things up from time to time. I’m not gonna be disappointed if you don’t, though. C’mon. That’s something you’ve gotta talk to me about, if it’s making you feel insecure. If it’s made this whole day bad for you—”
“No! No, no, it wasn’t just that,” Grillby insists, taking Gaster’s hands and enfolding them in his. “I like surprising you, even though I’m...not very good at it. I guess today was just a bad day for trying new things.”
“Well, you were already feeling awful,” Gaster says. “You didn’t exactly get off on the right foot. You can try again some other time, okay?”
“Not with glass.”
“Not with glass if you don’t want to,” Gaster agrees. He reaches forward, pulling Grillby towards him. “Now, c’mere. Let me hold you, big guy. You need it.”
Grillby curls up against Gaster’s chest, and Gaster strokes a hand soothingly over his head and down his back. He unbuttons Grillby’s waistcoat, and this time the lack of pressure isn’t quite as terrifying. He rolls his shoulders and presses his cheek to Gaster’s chest, feeling the low thrum of his soul. Tears stick to his face, and he takes a deep, wobbly breath.
He still feels bad. There’s no getting around that—it’s the sort of deep, achey bad a single conversation won’t fix. It is, however, the sort of bad that’s easier to bear in the presence of another. So, with his husband’s comfort close at hand, Grillby finally, finally lets his soul hurt and feels absolutely, completely, entirely bad—
But he also feels loved, and that makes just about any bad easier to bear.
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lily-mj-fae · 4 years
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Rant
Honestly i feel like this is a long time coming. But I just....I sometimes hate being in any fandom. Because of other people. Someone went off on me completely. Over simply commenting reasons because i see the situations for the greyscale (not the basic black or white) events that they are.
Earlier today I was scrolling through tiktok. and came across a video that was listing some of the things Rhys has done that aren’t great. (Including: allowing those under the mountain access to velaris, him treating tamlin better than he did nesta, and not telling feyre about the bond). I just replied that Rhys had little choice because they’re preparing for a war, that he held a deep resentment for Nesta because of how she was a total bitch to feyre for no reason while they were humans (i love nesta, but i really don’t think there’s anything in the world to justify why she mistreated, used and took advantage of feyre and found her reasoning to be a little less than sincere but appreciated her going after feyre), and that he didn’t want to force the bond on feyre.
They lost their fucking shit. like made another video and was like “say it” and acted like I was excusing Rhys. And like...no. But they also commented that we shouldn’t “normalize doing shitty things in war”. Like.....first of all...that’s...that’s literally war. 
Second of all, in real life, there aren’t always pretty decisions between “good choice” and “bad choice”. Sometimes there’s “shitty choice” and “bad choice”. 
For Rhys, letting Keir and those under the mountain was the “bad choice.” And if someone else has other feasible options for getting the darkbringer army that they needed feel free to share. But I can think of two others. And i’m saying this assuming controlling Keir into it isn’t an option otherwise that would have been the choice i think
1) Attempting to find something else he wants just as much. Which, with keir being who he is was likely impossible, or would take more time than they could afford and not guarantee anything
2) Murder Keir. Which....is not how you get an army to follow you. You don’t kill their commander and have them willing to fight for you. 
So unfornately, Mor’s safe place being invaded by her abusers was his “best” option. And he still fucking owes her an apology for it. He should have warned her and Feyre. But he prepared for the fallout preemptively, making sure Keir would not find Velaris welcoming. And Mor of course still has permission to kill her family any time she wants to, and she likes to remind them of that.
Then we already know the inner circle disliked Nesta and Elain. I think more towards Nesta because of her overall attitude. They all were (even Cassian towards nesta at first). They were biased against her from the start, and Rhys had an especially strong distaste for Nesta. (Again, not an excuse for mistreating someone with ptsd just a yeah he’s gonna treat someone differently than someone else because there are different connotations to the relationships). And this...this part was ridiculous. because I had said that Nesta was a bitch (because you can’t really say that she wasn’t), they looked at my profile...with my new Elain videos and just...”i see you like elain. and she’s just as if not more so toxic than nesta” and i’m seeing people’s arguments. And i just. I feel like because Elain was the second sister, the middle child, she gets pushed to the back both in the narrative and by people saying she’s boring.
Elain started to atone in ACOMAF. She recognized that she and Nesta fucked up. And that Their sister needed their help. So despite being engaged to a man who was anti fae, risking the relationship with the man she loved, she insisted that they help Feyre. She wanted to help.
And then she was kidnapped, and forced into the cauldron. Came out suffering PTSD. And this same person said it was elain who wallowed in self pity thinking about herself. PTSD as much as Nesta and Feyre. She was also struggling, dealing with visions that no one understood until after Nesta and Feyre were attacked in the library. Then she began to be free of that fogginess and lack of understanding. And once she did, she was the only one to find a potential solution to the humans being abandoned. And knew she needed to be the one to face. In fact, she started to resemble her sisters in that moment, with her strong stance. Which was so unlike her, because she’s soft. And it’s okay that she’s soft and not a fighter.
And Rhys, rhys not telling Feyre aboutt he bond was a misguided decision. He thought telling her would force it on her (in contrast to Elain and Lucien). He wanted Feyre a chance to sort through the things she needed to sort through and come to her own decision about her feelings and about her wants. And she did. 
But all of this....because someone couldn’t handle looking at the whole picture instead of focusing on little pieces. And then this same person said “i don’t mind discussing peacefully” and “I respect others opinions” while deleting mine (which hadn’t been disrespectful) and others comments. And has since basically posted several videos essentially vaguing about me (and maybe others?) continuing to accuse me of excusing characters and acting like discussing characters reasons means i’m saying that those bad behaviors are acceptable.
No.
Explaining does not equal excusing. 
And i can’t believe i ever would have to say it but....neither does cosplaying. Just because I cosplay a character, doesn’t mean i excuse their actions. It’s the dumbest fucking logic i’ve ever seen
I admit to making a few vague videos myself in response. 1) the elain video i posted here. Where I discuss her flaws. 2) one mentioning that explaining doesn’t equal excusing that it’s often looking at all the events that create an event. Which is more interesting anyway. 3) one stating the actions of the conversation
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in-dire-need · 4 years
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Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge- My Chemical Romance
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The only 2004 album that could even come close to giving American Idiot a run for its money is Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge. My Chemical Romance’s second full-length album shot the band out of its familiar water. Its numerous hits continue to reach billboard charts, such as opening track “Helena” and world-renowned “I’m Not Okay.” According to frontman Gerard Way, Revenge stands as a “pseudo-conceptual horror story”. Every track on the album ties into this twisted and supernatural story of the two lovers featured on the cover, which was created by Gerard Way.
“Helena (So Long and Goodnight)” opens this story of Three Cheers with a heartfelt yet twisted dedication to the Way brothers’ grandmother, Elena Rush, had passed away under circumstanced unknown to the public during the band’s tour of I Brought You My Bullets, You Brought Me Your Love. Elena had heavily influenced the brothers from a very young age and inspired them to pursue their dreams. When she passed, Gerard Way was sent into a spiral of anger and self-destructive behavior. He wrote the song to be somewhat of a letter to himself, expressing the hatred he felt for himself at the time. Despite the dark theme behind the lyrics, “Helena” continues to be a radio classic on rock stations everywhere. 
The story element behind the album begins during the second track, “Give ‘Em Hell, Kid”. A man has been divided from his lover after the devil resurrects him from the dead and, in order to resurrect his wife as well, he must kill one thousand evil souls and present them to the devil. While he ventures out to accomplish this, his wife wonders where he has gone and is clueless of his plans. She is livid at him for wrecking their marriage that began when they were young and dumb. In the next few tracks we listen as the protagonist crashes a wedding in order to kill the guests. He begins to question his sexuality and if his wife is worth one thousand souls. Continuing the double-meaning, the “To The End” is also based on the short story “A Rose For Emily” by William Faulkner. In this story, a rich wife begins suspecting that her husband may be a homosexual, so she poisons him before he cheats on her or leaves her. 
“You Know What They Do To Guys Like Us in Prison” features Bert McCracken, frontman of The Used, with whom all of My Chemical Romance was extremely close with at the time of Three Cheers’ release. Gerard was also featured on their 2004 album, In Love and Death, which toured with Three Cheers after its debut. Since then, the bands had a falling-out and didn’t speak for years before heavily hinting that The Used would be opening for My Chemical Romance’s reunion tour that was scheduled for 2020. This information was never officially announced, though, seeing as COVID-19 has ruined every hope and dream that it could lay its greasy paws on. Anger aside, “Prison” continues the protagonist’s journey to kill one thousand evil souls to resurrect his wife as he is arrested in a restaurant gunfight. Once in prison, he begins falling for an inmate of the same sex, which confuses and upsets the protagonist who had assumed he was heterosexual for his entire life. He still dreams of his deceased lover, whom his journey is all for. The other inmates begin to take advantage of him, forcing him to dress in drag and give blowjobs to accommodate to their sexual desires. He begins to lose his sanity and believes that he might as well be executed since he will not be able to fulfill his mission from prison. He decides that when he leaves, he will burn down an entire hotel to quickly raise his body count.
Another track that has gone down in history is number four, “I’m Not Okay (I Promise”. It follows a girl who struggles with dealing with the problems in her life. She vents and complains to her boyfriend, who is dealing with his own problems. He puts them aside to comfort his girlfriend time and time again. She does not take this into account and simply continues to wallow in her own pain, attempting and failing to relate to sad songs with deeper meanings. He has finally had it with her by the end of the song and explodes, telling her that he is not okay and he is done with her melodrama. “The Ghost of You” is another smash hit produced by this album, which continues the story already present. The protagonist expresses the grief he experienced after losing the lover he is trying so hard to save. Later tracks emphasize this as the protagonist begins to doubt his ability to bring his lover back.
Standing as a message of inspiration and a sign not to give up, “Thank You For The Venom” has become very popular within its target audience. Critics began to blame My Chemical Romance for making music purely to become famous, to which the band responded saying that the fans are a huge impact on their music. They never wanted to be on the front covers of magazines and at the head of the rock scene, but at a certain point they could no longer fight the inevitable. The song narrates what is possibly a nun attempting to convert a horrible sinner, then being murdered by the man. The sinner could be the protagonist continuing his killing spree, knowing that no amount of preaching could save him. In the following tracks, he questions again if his lover is really worth kill one thousand evil souls. After a woman representing his lost love holds him at gunpoint and tells him to stop his killing spree, he considers shooting himself and therefore dying for her instead of killing. He trudges on still and vows revenge on this woman as his story nears its end. After killing nine-hundred ninety-nine evil souls, he realizes that the last one he must take is his own. He begins hallucinating that his wife is there with him and even holds conversations with her before remembering that she is not there. It is heavily suggested that his lover committed suicide after getting drunk, though the means are unknown. The protagonist finally comes to terms with the fact that he is destined to die and that he would never have been able to resurrect his wife. 
In the final track, “I Never Told You What I Did For a Living”, the man completes his transaction with the devil. He accepts his fall from grace, but knows that once he is with his love again it will all have been worth it. Once he kills the last soul, himself, it is revealed that the devil tricked him. As a result of his astounding body count, he has been damned to hell instead of being reunited with his lover. His final realization is that it was all for nothing and that he has simply become a monster. 
Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge’s final lines are a callback to the group’s first album, I Brought You My Bullets, You Brought Me Your Love, or Bullets for short. Dozens of lines throughout the album reference Bullets, and the lovers featured are even referred to as two “Demolition Lovers”. Initially, fans and critics believed that the two albums were linked as one continuing story, but that theory has been denied. Past its horrific tale, many songs actually send a buried positive message- keep going. Specifically “I’m Not Okay (I Promise)” and “Thank You For The Venom” have worked to debunk the band’s stereotype of being a suicide cult. Ironically, these songs have also become symbols of this said suicide cult, given the references to death and self-destruction, which leads many younger listeners to fall prey to this cult mentality that the media has created. That very concept was something that My Chemical Romance vehemently spoke out against, seeing as the very reason they began making music was to help people. Even despite being twisted and forgotten by the media, that is still exactly what they did. Although fame wasn’t what they wanted, in the end they achieved exactly what they wanted: to help people. Their worldwide fame simply allowed them to reach farther and wider than ever imagined. 
As previously stated, all tracks on the album not only tie into the crazy narration of two dead lovers, but into the real lives of the bandmates, specifically Gerard and Mikey way. For example, “The Jetset Life is Gonna Kill You” personifies Gerard’s struggle with alcoholism and cocaine addiction in the form of a woman. He says that he could stay with her for hours even though she will eventually kill him. He was able to sober up and toured for Three Cheers during his first full year sober, which he described as extremely difficult. “The Ghost Of You” helps paint the picture of how the brothers were grieving after the loss of their grandmother, Elena.
Elena was one of the most powerful influencers behind the creation of My Chemical Romance and continued to inspire them throughout their entire career. Thanks to her, the band went on to inspire millions of young adults worldwide. Had she not supported her grandchildren like she did, so many more influencers would have never developed the confidence to take their first steps into the sunlight. These influencers include Palaye Royale, Twenty One Pilots, Post Malone, and Yungblud. Who knows how many more celebrities truly are that wouldn’t be where they are without the influential messages of My Chemical Romance? Who knows who the next possible star will be? I guess we’ll just have to wait and find out. Go enjoy yourselves, internet.
“And we'll love again, we'll laugh again We'll cry again, and we'll dance again And it's better off this way, so much better off this way I can't clean the blood off the sheets in my bed!”
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