#and im so bad at explaining my thoughts

[barghest-land]

ata tu corazón, mi amor, y arrástralo por la tierra

#this art hurts so bad #in a way i'd never be able to explain #also it just upsets me a lot because i don't like how i did it:( #idk how to make it better so i'm just gonna leave it as it is #and go to sleep good night #it was supposed to be cool and simple just like that #but in my eyes it's just missing everything and i don't know how to fix it #genuinely thought it was gonna be a good art but here i am oh well. that happens i guess #im sorry javier :(( i'll make more good art i promise #barghestland #art #artists on tumblr #rdr2 #rdr2 fanart #javier escuella

[monstermonger]

A Night Sky in the Woods

#art #friedrich #caspar david friedrich #another study- this time of Chasseur in the Woods #phantom is based on the feeling of lost home #and gave it textures of tree wood + stars + tears #have a version without the phantom too #but i feel he has a similar atmosphere with what the artist was originally going for so i don't feel too disrespectful posting this etc #eh etc etc im bad at caring enough to explain my thoughts well....... ;; #fantasy art #fantasy creatures #phantom #dark forest #wdhgwid #ghost #dark woods #night sky #fantasy illustration #inks #alone

[julijbee]

girlbossing too close to the sun.

#art #ive literally just been treating this game as a library simuator #i walk from bookseller to bookseller opening up all of their books #vivecs sermons are either a highlight or the point at which i stop reading #ive been trying to convince the ordinators that imitation is the highest form of flattery but it hasnt been working #let me wear your helmets please theyre so funny.. #posting morrowind in 2024 isnt a cry for help but youre not wrong to be concerned. #morrowind #almalexia #vivec #im going to explain the chitin armor give me a moment #so the bonewalker nerevar on the shrines is adorable and it was only after drawing it however many times that i realized #it looked relatively close to a modified chitin armor #and so i modified chitin armor a few times and this was probably the cutest result #i also know i drew almalexia relatively pristine and untouched by years and vivec not so much but my thought process was #vivecs role as if not a favorite then the most accessible divine or the most “hands on” in a manner of speaking #acting in ways visible to the general population or actions explicitly brought to their attention #like not that almalexia isnt doing anything she is #but the dissemination of information regarding that is very different etc etc etc #anyways to a certain extent a god is the face on a shrine or in art or upon a statue or carving #but vivecs presence is interwoven with the geography of vvardenfell especially and his actions and writings with pubished materials #and the arts and culture and customs etc etc etc #so to me the face of a god you know and feel a commonality with or a god that walks alongside you is a face you would recognize #and vivec is already otherworldly looking enough #the simple mark of the years on his skin in some way grounding him in reality felt more right #that and i think the ways in which he and almalexia care about outward appearance are slightly different- they prioritize different things #and the ways they present outward power and their embodiment of their respective attributes share some similarities as they both have that #important preoccupation with physical power and physical strength to a certain degree #oh my god nobody read this i am yapping so bad. #tes

[sonknuxadow]

am i the only one who still thinks that they didnt do enough with rouge in sonic prime. and not in a "she didnt get enough screentime" sort of way but in a "they didnt seem to be putting as much thought into what they were doing with her as they were with the other main characters" sort of way

#someone else would be better at explaining it than me i dont really know how to explain my thoughts on this #sonic prime #sonic prime spoilers #idk not really but im tagging just in case #like i wouldnt be surprised if they already had the idea for the plot and what they were going to do for all the characters down #but then realized how bad it would look if there were only 3 girls in that huge cast #so they just threw rouge in there without really thinking about it #its a huge shame really because i really like rouge #and was super excited when it was revealed that she'd not only be in the show but also be a main character #and she was super cute and fun in the first episode #all of her shatterspace variants feel like they easily could have just been some other character and the story/impact would have been #exactly the same. which isnt the case for other characters. except for big but big doesnt really do anything plot relevant for the most par

[puppyeared]

i feel like. theres designing a character with certain themes and motifs in mind, and then theres making a gijinka for the water bottle on my nightstand

#me when im the only person on the bus wearing a mask: i should make a furry plaguesona #its hard to explain bc. most of the time i try NOT to give my characters a 'strong' theme like making their whole design around #one thing like apples or even broad stuff like baking or cottagecore.. idk if its partly for flexibility or because i cant imagine them #making it their whole personality. not bc i find it cringe or overblown but more like ive learned to associate design with character depth #i had a cutesy uwu persona for most of highschool because i thought it would make me more. likeable? easy to remember? since #memorable character designs are easy to recognize. and one way of doing that is simplifying it with a theme or symbol so you form an #association. but since im a real person its exhausting keeping up that appearance all the time and denying myself things when they dont #fit my 'aesthetic' or 'theme.' i think ive grown past that bc i just collect stuff because i think it looks cool and dont let myself dwell #on how it might 'fit' with my image. but i cant help feeling bad doing it to my own characters bc it feels like im making them too one #dimensional. despite knowing that theyre not real and design alone doesnt reflect depth i cant help feeling like its wrong #despite that i love seeing motifs because it feels like it reflects the characters soul and paradoxically gives them depth. it makes them #interesting to look at too and honestly its pretty fun combining things that fall under a similar category when designing #i struggle find a balance between those two things #actually this reminds me of noelles christmas theme.. i dont remember her saying anything abt liking christmas despite a lot of #her design and character tying back to it. it makes me wonder if she would have feelings about that or doesnt think abt it too hard #or if its like a matching family shirts situation and shes just going along with it?? #maybe i should just do whatever i want with my character designs since theyre not real and im thinking abt it too hard #although. this probably has something to do with deep seated identity issues huh #yapping #oc talk #oc

[wikiangela]

wip wednesday

tagged by @jesuisici33 @callaplums @daffi-990 @loserdiaz @thewolvesof1998 @disasterbuckdiaz @fortheloveofbuddie 💖💖

made a bit of progress on the sick fic so here it is🤷

prev snippet

___

“Maybe we should get you to a doctor.” Buck muses, wrapping the blanket over Eddie’s shoulders.

“I don’t need- I just closed my eyes for a second. I’m fine.” he grumbles, fumbling with the blanket too long to want to actually throw it off, but he does in the end – he’s cold and refuses to admit it, and he’d rather sit here and pretend he’s fine. He’s impossible.

“Eddie, that cough did not sound fine.” he points out. 

“Buck-” he sneezes, and then wraps the sleeves of his hoodie over his palms. Buck raises his eyebrow, and Eddie pointedly avoids his eyes, as he not-so-discreetly wipes his nose with a sleeve. 

“I bought tissues.” Buck reaches for the bag and digs out a box, then tries to give it to Eddie, who, instead of taking it, just levels him with a stare, as he sniffles loudly, and swipes a sleeve under his nose again. “Seriously? You’re gonna be gross and disgusting just to prove you’re not sick?” That’s a new level of stubborn Buck hasn’t seen from Eddie yet. He can’t believe this is the man his heart decided it wants. And that even while sick and gross and stubborn and ridiculous, a part of Buck is still endeared by him.

“I’m not.” Eddie insists, sounding so congested Buck swears he can feel it in his own sinuses. “Let me just finish my coffee, and then I-” another sneeze. “Have so much to do today.” he finishes, but at least this time he reaches for the tissues, looking anywhere but at Buck, cheeks red.

“Yeah, no, all you’re gonna do today is rest and take some medicine.” Buck says decisively, then takes the bag in his hand, and slowly starts walking to the kitchen. “Get comfortable, and I’ll just put this all away and be right back. I bought meds, tissues, and something to cook you some soup-” he starts listing off, getting louder the further he gets. “Oh, and stopped by the farmer’s market to get honey. Did you know that honey has antioxidant and antibacterial properties?” he asks excitedly, ready to tell Eddie every single thing he found in his quick research. Buck learned a long time ago that with Eddie he doesn’t need to hold back and can rant and ramble all he wants, and Eddie is happy to listen to him.

“Yeah?” Eddie yells back, voice hoarse and strained. Buck can hear the couch shift as Eddie gets comfortable, maybe even finally lays down. He knows Eddie won’t just give in and admit he’s sick, but this is a start. “Why don’t you tell me all about it?” he sounds genuinely interested, though also really tired. 

“I will, just a sec! I’ll make you some tea with lemon and honey, how’s that sound?” he asks, and gets a grunt in response, though he’s not sure if that’s an answer, or if Eddie’s just trying to suppress a cough in an attempt to hide that he’s sick, as if Buck didn’t already know. He chuckles to himself. He really has his work cut out for him today.

___

no pressure tags: @elvensorceress @gayarthur @diazass @thebravebitch @silentxxsoul @shortsighted-owl @eddiebabygirldiaz @arthursdent @diazblunt @911onabc @eddiediaztho @housewifebuck @lover-of-mine @gayhoediaz @rogerzsteven @watchyourbuck @hoodie-buck @monsterrae1 @hippolotamus @ladydorian05 @forthewolves @honestlydarkprincess @wildlife4life @spotsandsocks @eowon @theotherbuckley @weewootruck @thewolvesof1998 @giddyupbuck @disasterbuckdiaz @hoodie-buck @spotsandsocks

#wip wednesday #sick eddie fic #eddie is so ridiculous in this lmao #this is really gonna be so silly and fluffy i can't wait haha #buddie fic #buddie wip #buddie #wikiangela writes #my writing #fic snippet #my wips #still lowkey stuck on alive shannon and coffee shop #and this one isnt going so smoothly either #but im here and trying to work on it all! #ngl i still feel so fucking bad and exhausted and awful and sad i cant even explain it #i thought itd be better and id be back to myself after my cold and my period were over but nope #thought about taking a lil break from writing but tbh idk how id cope without it so pushing myself through it lol #this got venty lmao ignore me #i think this silliness is exactly what i need rn hahaha

[dailykugisaki]

Day 137 | id in alt

I got mad about Ui Ui's popularity pole description so I shaved Gojo's eyebrows off.

#dailykugisaki #jjk #kugisaki nobara #itadori yuji #fushiguro megumi #tokyo trio #zenin maki #gojo satoru #inumaki toge #THE WHOLE FUCKING PARTY IS HERE YALL #Gojo would let Kugisaki do this i dont know how to explain it but its a feeling #i jusg made his eyes glow #he isn't using infinity if he does the glow is absolutely worse #i also gave him 6 eyes in odder positions bc i felt like it #hes gonna stay eyebrowless for the rest of this life hope yall know that #Gojo is brainless he is happy to be there #he tries to not think as much as possible because the rct is restarting his brain so much its insane #i love drawing expressions its funny as fuck #Kugisaki insanity so bad ive actually vividly thought about peeling my skin off #sedation is needed #im about to edit out every mention or image of a man from every panel shoko is in because im tired

[frenchfriedgiraffe]

dghda season 2 and childhood

this is adding on to this post i made a while ago. basically, i fully believe that the writers of this show set up the perfect opportunity to have the theme of s2 be about childhood, specifically exploring the effects of trauma (and escapism/maladaptive daydreaming). its already something that is featured or referenced to, however i think that there was a lot of potential for the show if they fully embraced the theme.

the biggest and most prominent example of the theme of childhood being present is in the character of francis (The Boy), who experiences severe childhood trauma and as a result creates a fantasy world that he can escape to. this world is full of stereotypes of a conventional children’s fantasy, with knights, a magic train, and even a crazy evil wizard guy. yet despite this, the world he created also contains elements from real life, specifically things that he found traumatic. francis witnesses his father get killed with a pair of scissors, and the main weapon used by the characters in wendimoor are a pair of giant scissors. also, in the house within the house, theres a copy of his kitchen, featuring the scissors and smashed flowerpot.

this is probably the most obvious display of the lasting effects of childhood trauma in a character, although there are a LOT more, though they are quite subtle.

dirk may be the second most obvious example of the presence of this theme. his very first scene in season 2 is set in blackwing, the organisation that took him and experimented on him as a child. blackwing is hinted to have abused him as a child, although we only see how they treat him as an adult. (there is a deleted scene of him when he was a child talking to the previous head of blackwing, meaning that there was a possibility we could have seen what it was like for him as a child too.)

however it is clear that he suffered trauma from his time at BW as a child, as many of his mannerisms throughout both season 1 and 2 mirror those of someone with c!ptsd. and having that trauma resurface in s2 also causes him to be more distant and get upset more frequently. (theres more but this is long enough already)

despite escaping blackwing early on in the season, dirk is obviously extremely shaken from his brief time back in there, and its pretty safe to say that the experience brought up a lot of bad memories. he is much more subdued throughout s2, and his previous optimism is rarely present, with his attitude towards the case being very different from s1.

like francis, there are a few tiny hints to escapism as a result of dirks trauma from blackwing (although im probably grasping at straws here). while in blackwing, he frequently dreams about being rescued by todd and farah. while being chased near the end of the season, dirk is lethargic and rather unresponsive, which could be some sort of dissociative state that he entered in order to escape from the reality of his situation.

while these are the most prominent examples where characters are shown to be effected by their childhood experiences, most of the other characters can be interpreted this way too.

farah is another good example, where she mentions the passing of her dad, and talks about how he wasnt a great father figure and caused her to often feel like a failure. she actually gets a resolution to this, with hobbs seeming to step in as her new father figure (yay!)

this was also something that seemed to be half set up for other characters. for example, todd and amanda having to learn to accept the changes in their relationship and amanda having to recontextualize her past. tinas frequent references to her struggles with addiction as well. farson and his whole family… thing. oh, and also like EVERY other blackwing subject. (more examples but again, this is a fucking long post)

essentially, the characters in this season struggle a lot, and a lot of this is because of things that happened (or possibly happened) because of their childhood experiences.

which leads me onto my next point (oh god, theres more!?) about the missed opportunity with this set up. many people agree that a lot of season 2 felt rather… aimless? while things were loosely connected, they definitely felt a lot less connected than in season 1. events happened and because there were plots happening in different DIMENSIONS, there was often very little overlap. having an underlying theme like this would have made each plot connect much more seamlessly, and it would have been a nice opportunity to further develop and explore some characters.

for example, throughout his journey in season 2, dirk could be seen recognising the parallels between the case and his own internal conflict. as he sees the destruction caused by francis’ powers, he could mirror the events with his own experiences and perhaps realise the effects of what pushing down trauma does. i think it would have been nice to see a conversation between dirk and francis about blackwing, ending with francis telling dirk he needs to learn to face the shit he went through and stop trying to ignore his trauma. this would have been a good way to connect their characters more as well.

it would have been a good opportunity to connect ALL the characters, especially if the show embraced the idea of escapism and pushed it further through wendimoor. as they got closer to solving the case, we could have seen them recognising their own flaws and looking back at their pasts.

and they wouldn’t have really had to make any super drastic changes, because theres already so much material for this theme to be introduced!!

tl;dr: s2 set up a lot of cool themes and the season would have been a lot more well-rounded if they embraced them more.

dont even get me started on the concept of good and bad…

#fucking hell thats a long post #thanks for reading if you made it to the end… if you didnt then tbh same #dghda #dirk gently #dghda meta #todd brotzman #idk what to tag this tbh #um #the consequences of experimenting on children??? idk #im so sorry if this is indecipherable im so bad at explaining my thoughts

[demento]

ive seen a lot of people still not quite caught up on why everyone voted fuuta guilty in the first trial and not kotoko — they both took justice into their own hands, and, arguably, fuuta’s crime was manslaughter and not intentional, whereas kotoko knew what she was doing. it doesn’t make sense why a man who indirectly killed someone could be seen as unforgivable, but a woman who attacked someone with the intent of murder could be forgiven — unless, of course, the audience was (& debatably still is) biased.

the diference between fuuta and everyone else, i think, is that unlike the other cases we do not relate to or empathise with the murderer. we relate to the victim. i imagine most people on this site have, or at least know someone who has, a learning diability; or had an abortion; or dealt with grief. (these given examples make haruka and yuno and shidou more forgivable.) your normal, average, everyday tumblrina cannot relate to child abusers or cult leaders. (these given examples make kotoko and amane more forgivable.)

however, fuuta’s victim kind of hits close to home. anyone on the internet can make a stupid decision, and anyone on the internet can have a callout post made on them, and anyone on the internet can kill themselves because of the resulting harassment. it’s a very much us vs. them attitude social media users take, and this situatuon is no different —“people like us fear for our safety on the regular because of people like him.”

we are more focused on what fuuta did than how he went about it, or if the victim deserved it, or if he deserves a guilty sentenceat all. thats bias for you. one billion trillion explosions💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥

#milgram #fuuta kajiyama #kotoko yuzuriha #“amanes mother wasnt a cult leader” I KNOWWWW but how do i *BRIEFLY* explain her mothers relationship to the cult?! i CAN’T!!! SORRY! #never make my ass write vague character analysis again im so bad at ending it or summarising my thoughts. figure it out yourself!! /silly #yabbering

[fleshdyke]

#csa warning for tags #ughhh ik i was just talking abt this but man. Man. constantly bullied as a child + raped as a child is a brutal combo huh #completely irreversibly fucked up sense of intimacy. i dont want to have sex with anyone i dont care what ppl think of me looks wise but i #also care more than anything and want people to want me so bad #like when ur only experience with anyone at all finding you desirable is being raped at 6ish. fucks u up man #was constantly told by everyone i knew that i was undesirable from day fucking one. i was always the one ppl would dare their friends to #'ask out' bc everyone thought i was that bad. i never had those rumours of 'some boy likes you' without people laughing in the background #all of my friends. even the ones that were also weird kids and bullied etc etc always have stories of other kids having crushes on them or #whatever. and i just never had that. it feels like i missed out on something important #i want to be pursued by a guy i hate i want them to not leave me alone. i want to feel like im in danger. and i know how fucking disgusting #that is but i cant help it. like i feel like thats the only way im going to feel normal and wanted like theres not something inherently #wrong with me. and i know how dangerous that is but its not like it matters anyways bc still no one likes me at all. #and i know how stupid of a thing it is to obsess over like what am i 9 years old? but i just cant get it out of my head #like idk i feel like the only way im going to actually feel desirable at all is if someone tries to rape me again. or if i feel like i have #to worry about someone raping me again. i know i wouldnt feel that way if someone was like. nice about it. #bc if someone genuinely liked me and was a decent human being about it i wouldnt be able to see it as anything other than faking it for pit #i wouldnt be able to believe it. even if i wasnt waiting for them to drop the joke and start laughing at me i would always think it was jus #an act bc they feel bad for me. the only way i could ever think it's genuine and that i'm desirable at all is if someone sexually #harassed me. like idk how to explain it but thats the only way i could feel desirable at all #bc it's the only way i've ever been desirable. when i was a kid. #and it terrifies me so bad bc i know how fucking disgusting that is and how self destructive it is #but i still feel like i dont even have to really worry about being assaulted. bc i still believe im completely undesirable at my core. #i dont believe i could be desired so i dont believe i have to worry about being raped. bc no one would want to anyways #rambles #vent

[heirtotheempire]

The Bad Batch season 3 has been interesting thus far. I really liked episodes 1-7 and I've nothing particularly bad to say about any of those episodes. But honestly episode 8, and after today, episode 9, it's once again gotten to be a bit of a pain to get through. Maybe I'm just too much of a Crosshair guy, idk. Today's episode especially irked me but last time I discussed the topics it delves into I got some pissy people in my notes and I'd rather avoid that this time around.

#star wars #star wars the bad batch #tbb spoilers #the bad batch spoilers #(not really spoilers but just in case yaknow) #to be as non-spoilery as possible: #midichlorian discourse is a beast and talking to most people about it is about as fun as pulling teeth #finding someone with nuanced takes about it is incredibly difficult #by the way. this post is not an invitation for people to run into my notes and whine #which was a problem i had when posting about s2 #fun concept: me having an opinion doesnt mean you have to agree or try to convince me otherwise #sorry if im sounding aggressive in these tags or am being way more weird about this then i should be #i did Not have a good time trying to talk about tbb s2 and the ahsoka show on here and it kinda... #made it less fun to post my thoughts. bc felt like everything i said was being taken in the worst way possible #thus im not posting much about tbb s3 and when i do im gonna cover my ass with lengthy tags like this #also im autistic and i feel the need to explain everything i do. so here we are. sorry to the 3 people who will ever see this #regardless its my blog and if i wanna rant in the tags then dammit. i will

[pineappical]

I always thought is very tricky to draw that wrinkle that goes from the nose and around the mouth and still male it look good, but gosh you nail it in every art, super expressive and pretty. Looking at all your drawings 🔍🕵‍♀️ to properly appreciate and study it. But wow really in love with your art style is so expressive and pleasing to look at, and the colors are so pretty 👌👌👌👌

i LOVEEE drawing wrinkles!!! it makes faces soso so expressive and i try to add wrinkles to every character i draw whenever i can. and the fact i also love drawing characters smiling (they make me happy, so i want to be able to share my joy to other people by drawing them smiling too!) which of course makes that wrinkle around the nose and mouth more prominent :-)

im not a person that can draw well from memory, i use references excessively even if it doesnt turn out the same way from the reference im copying from in the end 😊

i drew these out real quick but i have no clue how to explain any of these so i just thought about sharing it with you anyways!

call it "cheating" or whatever, but most of the time i even trace over the reference just to have a base i can copy the expression im trying to draw from. i do art for fun and if it makes my process that much easier then. well!

anyhoo, ignore the fact these are all mr lassos... i just love him a whole bunch 💛

#im not saying 'tracing is good!' as a whole. never trace from other people's work and pass it off as your own obviously. i just think you - #can learn a whole bunch of tricks and how to draw specific things if you just Trace Over References #'ohh but youll never Get Good by just tracing though! :/' who cares. i love drawing men being silly and thats enough for me. #Getting Good be damned! #apologies if this doesnt make any damn sense LMAO !! i just got home a couple hours ago and its now 3am zzzz #pn.ask #theres also the matter of me being obsessed with handlebar facial hairs and how it 'removes' the upper lip when im drawing so i use the - #bottom part of the mustache as the line for the mouth itself #ITS THIS WHOLE PROCESS.... IDK!!!! wish i could explain it any better but i am. so bad at writing down my thoughts. why cant i just beam - #them directly into your mind smh #THANK YOU FOR THIS ASK THOUGHHHH i waited till i got home before answering it because i have some stuff i wanted to say

[forestofsprites]

oh we are in full sobbing range folks. we are floods of tears not getting words out

#i can't begin to explain how much this means and changes things for me #everything the past 3 years #and i've beat myself up so hard for not doing this as an honours bc i had to be online bc y'know dying in bed #and now #not only have i got the smartest people i know telling me that i'm so capable they want me there and i can skip to a masters #but just that i can #y'know my health is so shit and it's so variable and i don't know how long this treatment plan will run for #before it fails #and #now i get to try #to do this #and fuck i didn't know if i'd be alive this semester w how bad things were in April #and this just doesn't even feel real #i'm happy to just to be alive #and all this on top is just #insanity #i just cant emphasize enough i thought id be dead #and im #ive veen so happy just to be here #just to be loving and living #and now this? this accolade? it doesnt feel real #its so much more than i could ever have hoped for myself

[macroglossus]

being evaluated for adhd by having one of those full psych evals that last like two hours. scared frightened etc.... last time i took it i lied extensively bc i was 13 and thought they might tell my mommy if i said i had suicidal thoughts. and i still have a habit of lying to therapists bc i'm embarrassed......... AGH idk. what if i take it and they tell me that the reason im Like This is bc im genuinely just weird and shitty and not bc im mentally ill at all. SCARED

#which is dumb bc i have been formally diagnosed with multiple mental illnesses i dont think they can just take it back right????? #this is so stupid and cliche but what if i have been faking it........ all along........ Argh. #when i was in res i was put on adderall (bc the house psych just kind of experimented w meds LMFAO) and i had to go off them after like #two weeks bc it was affecting my appetite in a way i couldnt afford at the time lmao. but i do genuinely feel like it helped during that #time.... which is why i want to go on it again!!!! but im scared theyll just be like nah and i wont be able to take any of my meds anymore #is that crazy. am i being crazy rn. idk i truly do think most of my experiences w school and like. life could be explained by adhd and #when i was a kid they thought i had it but the two meds they tried didnt work for me so they just. kind of gave up #and i was really extremely unable to do school and graduated hs w an insanely low gpa and then dropped out of community college. LMAO. not #that people w adhd cant be good in school i just couldnt make myself do homework and couldnt listen in class bc i was too busy focusing on #listening. if that makes sense #IDK. idk. i know it's become like. a trend to have adhd is the issue and everything is being attributed to having it so im worried that ive #like. accidentally fallen in w that? even though ive thought i had it for forever and everyone has been like girl do you have this. IDK!!!! #idk. idkkkk im just like. genuinely scared. it's not the end of the world if im not diagnosed obviously but that means that #im just like this for no reason at all. and there's no way of helping it bc it's just the way i am. and i actually am just shitty n lazy. #epic. which incidentally is the proper name for how fucking long these tags are my bad. if you read this far sorry for being insane 👍

[mueritos]

bestie you often reblog the 'when things are scary' cat are you okay? sending you hugs and some love

ah 😭 im in a much better place rn and definitely surrounded with support and not in the fucking su*c*dal trenches I was last semester, but ive just been thinking a bit this morning and hilariously a lot of the readings im doing for research have been helping me settle in some feelings. i have therapy later today and i would never dump my private life online. just working thru some resentment and realizing that in a lot of ways i'm seen as far too independent and level headed to be asked if i am okay. i'll feel much better after therapy tho, but i have to just sit in these feelings and remind my body im in the present. thanks for checking in tho 😭😭

#muertoresponds #i never want to be where i was last semester #but god is it still traumatizing #just tryna sit in my feelings #ive been misunderstood my entire life #that unfortunately even at my lowest and most suicidal ever people still thought i was....capable.... #when really i was so low because it felt like no one was trying...to reach out... #and i understand theres some responsibility on my end to communicate how bad i was doing but guys..... #i cant even explain how fucking obvious it was. everyone knew. and no one ever asked if i was okay #i am unfortunately the therapist friend who is always giving but can never ever receive the same support #im doing a lot better but man does it sure like. trigger me and make me feel resentful #im not alone its not october or november im not alone im not alone #it is february i have friends and i am not alone i am not alone #sigh

[puppyeared]

i wanna post my skip to loafer art but i cant do it knowing ppl are gonna put it on tiktok and pinterest bc itd be like. bringing an invasive species ykwim

#my meds just kicked in so im feeling talkative but truly idk how to explain it #its like. with anything else id be more than happy to introduce it to ppl like monkie kid and mp100. witch hat maybe but its personal to me #but skip to loafer is special to me. and i feel bad for saying this bc other ppl do deserve to watch smth they will enjoy #hell the reason i got into it was bc my friend was kind enough to lend me her copy and i got hooked #its so ironic im saying this esp given how insecure i am abt depicting characters wrong. but i really dont want to look thru the tags #and see them on a 'can i copy your homework' tier list. or ppl getting mad abt why egashira mitsumi and shima cant just be a throuple #its just!! i wont stop you if thats how you like to engage with the show or how you interpret it bc ill just ignore it and leave u alone!! #and theres no objective wrong way of doing it!! and i know that interacting with the work is what forms a community after all!! #but keeping it tight knit is just easier for me bc nobody has to worry abt making each other laugh and we can enjoy it for what it is #fully aware im saying this as someone whos drawn monkie kid art with text post memes and owl house draw the squad templates #but at the same time i just. dont want to explain myself or give ppl reasons why shima and mitsumi are ace coded just bc it 'feels right' #fandom is a communal thing and it feels so hypocritical thinking this. too many conflictng thoughts that idk what to act on #yapping