#and im just. venting. im just thinking out loud

[maudiemoods]

Ok not cool why am I hearing voices

#i need to go to the doctor 🧍🏼‍♂️ #somethings wrong because usually they're not this clear #its weird and i dont like it #they sound like people i know and its too much right now #little vent sorry but i think im actually struggling #im so confused #aurhhg #ren won't shut up #mental illness #idk sometimes they get really clear and it freaks me out #other times it sounds like a bunch of voices talking over each other and it drives me crazy #most of the time when they're clear they just have very boring conversations #wow i didn't realize how much this was affecting me huh #most of the time its right as im trying to fall asleep. i can't tell if its just my dreams?? idk #but sometimes ill hear very loud words that are super clear #aa its scary sometimes grrr but normally it doesn't mess me up #but i heard a loved one say “help me” and now im freaking out aaaaurgggg #gonna text them because i also have paranoia really bad #tw mental illness #idk just in case i guess #im fine just a little spooked jdkxjsjxj #anyways sorry for the vent/ramble i just really needed to type it all out #might delete later idk

[goodtimeswithgrian]

man i just gotta accept that i was put on this earth to do small doodles on a plain background and microscopic canvas and not giant ambitious fully rendered zine pieces

#i am dying #or like. maybe i should just do small doodles on a plain bg on a giant canvas instead. would u still love me if i gave u nothing #this is not a vent btw im just thinking out loud <- is having fun drawing but its way above his skill level so it doesnt look Right #szad.txt

[angelpuns]

Having one of those weeks where I'm so busy/so consumed by so many things I'm having trouble remembering to talk to people/remembering WHEN I talked to people so posting is gonna be way way way slowed down ( other than Kid Leo update today I mean )

#like idk just #disconnected from time #like ive been so busy i look at my dms and am like ' wait did i talk to this person recently' #probably did #just #usgdhrhrh #online interactions do not feel v real rn #ngl interactions in general do not feel real #not a vent brw #not a vent #just thinking thoughts out loud cause i feel verh #oh ig also disconnecred from my body #not entirely but im kinda loke #hmmm #feeling very to the left today

[angelboybreakdowns]

god i really wish i could just. control my voice. could control my volume and how much i speak.

#vent in tags #cant take the bus home anymore. last time the driver didnt hear me when i pointed out my stop #i was in the front seat. i was being as loud as i could. he couldnt even hear that i was talking. #i think one of my coworkers might think i dont like her. she says hi every time we pass each other #all i can do is a little nod. i can hardly ever say hi on command #cant always speak on command in general. #i need to be prepared. to be anticipating a conversation #and even then im too quiet #or if im w friends and family im too loud. i talk too much. too fast #i just. i wish it was in my control #it is for everyone else in the world. why not me. #actually autistic #ok to rb #rambling

[azpherambles]

Feel like face blindness is underestimated as a thing that Completely Fucks Up your ability to socialise and make friends, especially when its combined with time blindness.

Want friends but cant recognise people and have no idea when you last talked to someone?

The only way you can do that is to be in a situation where the same people show up in the same place at the same time, or/AND where said people approach you first and frequently enough to where you can figure out a way to find them that doesnt involve needing to know what they look like.

Oh, you already did that? Well now you have to actually remember they exist and contact them. Regularly. And pretend you care. You wish you did.

Even worse if you're depressed or otherwise emotionally suppressed naturally or otherwise. As a lot of autistic people are. Its not at all surprising no one makes an effort to hang out with someone who never recognises them, never contacts them, and if they do has nothing they want to say and has no response to anything you do or say, and shows no sign they even like you at all.

But people are still really cool. Wish my brain actually wanted anything to do with them sometimes. Would be nice.

#That aspie quiz haunts me with that 'tends to form bonds with people they dont know #and tends to lose interest when they get to know someone' #idk if thats what the qestion meant but i wonder if its being drawn to strangers or just never being able to get past that first interaction #yes i dont care about you at all. yes i want to see you and hear about how you are. i dont care that i havent talked in a decade both as #time doesnt matter to me and. the gap fills me with no urge to fill it #born a human who needs humans. born with none of the instinct to make that happen or to care that it doesnt #not aro as in aromantic but aro as in my brain is incapable of bonds #i want to talk about that more someday #as usual 'is this autism or just depression' #cares the least about anyone through no fault of their own. friendliest person to everyone around you to compensate #that a thing? yeah? i dont like saying it out loud cuz it sounds like and i say this with heavy literal and metaphorical quotation marks #“”“”psycho behaviour“”“” #this isnt a sad or vent post im like doing The Thinker Pose because im thinking #autism #depression #face blindness #time blindness #actual tags for finding things look at that #do they even work this far down

[safyresky]

I am having. SOO MUCH FUN with these goobers. (CS Spoilers abound!)

Pyros is being thrown around like a MUPPET when not being out quipped by his twin and outsmarted by his niece and nephew. his revenge plan isn't going very well right now, I gotta say 😏😏😏

this chapter has been SO FUCKING HARD, as an aside. I've been working on it for like, 2? maybe 3? months at this point. Every read through I'm like "this is AWFUL" because describing motions during elemental based fights is HARD and I only know like, 7 words! (I'd like to thank not only god but also jesus for microsoft word's thesaurus feature)

Like, how do people do it? Write fight scenes that flow so well and have such lovely, DIFFERENT words that evoke such FUN and FAST PACED scenes while still sounding the way a fancy garden looks???? It's INSANE. IT'S SO HARD. I WANT TO EXPLODE THINGS

#my god the fiera just jumped out there #anyway i'm on the last third of this chapter and it is KILLING ME. #i've had to rewrite jack's cool scene twice now #and read it out loud a bunch to see if it sounds as good as i thought it did #richard's been enjoying it IMMENSELY #and it is reassuring to see it's reading well! #and snips i've sent people have come back with IT'S GOOD IT'S NOT REPETITIVE DW #but y'all im dying #i think i've stared at it too long but i dont want to jump ahead just yet bc everything i've been writing for this chapter #has ended up V DIFFERENT FROM MY NOTES. ISH. #I AM. LOSING IT #dani speaks #venting in the tags #anyway #plz enjoy this twin princes snip #twin princes #they're OLD and OVER IT rn #cs snips and wips

[dreamsb0u]

I'm gonna be honest, I really haven't been doing well recently and I know it's probably been pretty obvious but I just felt like I should say something. I don't think I'll be super active for a few weeks

#taking a little break #vent ish #thats not to say im gonna be completely gone i'll be around liking people's stuff and commenting and replying and stuff #i probably just wont be posting #this isnt really anyone's fault its a mixture of stuff online and offline that have taken up a lot of my energy to deal with #i have trouble pacing myself and i like to smash out things all at once and feeling the consequences after #i just need a little bit of time to unwind yk #im still happy to talk to people! #just not about anything that makes me stressed i'll back out if i feel like i'm being pressured #i think its burnout? i dont know. #just dont expect much from me rn #is this a hiatus? #i think so #its loud in my head

[sensitivegoblin]

Damn I need to get teased within an inch of my life so that the stress can leak out of me please

#ramble #vent #gimmetag #I'm very very tense and stressed and need a hug #I'll try answering dms and anons I've missed I'm truly sorry that I suck so bad at that #I'm just tired but I'm too afraid to sleep #I'm being melodramatic but the statement stems from truth #I feel like such a loser but tickling/sex and Fortnite are literally the only things that make me feel better #I'm too depressed to do anjghing else my dad sucks all of my energy #I need to fall into a hug and sleep pls hmu volunteers😭 #I like sleeping around awake people that's when I sleep my best #YouTube videos used to fill that hole but now I just can't stop thinking of myself as such a loser #mt dad turned 60 and hes depressed and he thinks out loud so I'm hearing really depressing stuff #and nothing I do helps so I just have to soak up his pain and somehow wanna live to see 60???? #if you heard the carousal of stuff he repeats every breath that im with him you'd go crazy too #anyway im trying to get out of my frozen state so o can take pills and masturbate and cry lmao #FUCK I NEED A REAL HUG😭

[craycraybluejay]

i wna put the razor blade to use again. and i want to have painkillers so i feel less like absolute wet garbage. im so tired. its all too much. i just. want. to feel good. and not think about anything at all really. but isnt that what brought me here in the first place. but its because i failed. i didnt even have the means to be properly braindead happy. what i wouldnt do for a hundred thousand doses of my happiest substance and a very long, dreamless sleep. im so tired. everything hurts. i know i need to snap out of it and keep on keeping on. but how. why even.

#vent #my feelings are too much #loud loud loud #begging me to drop empathy and half the emotional spectrum with it #i cant #i dont trust myself and it only feels sicker in the end #i lost my empathy for a hot minute on a pill and immediately felt a very strong urge to kick a puppy #idk how some ppl do it #i want to smash my head against the wall #over and over just so it might SHUT UP for one fucking second #its so loud #it feels like my insides are itching with weird energy #i want it to stop #how do you make it stop #maybe xanny will help but im running out i should restock asap #dyou guys think itll help #delete later

[cherry-shipping]

aaaooughhh. cook for me fictional other. fictional other. cook for me

#cherry chats #or just. get me food. pleeeeeeeease im asking so niceys #i didnt. get any food today Cause they freaking forgot me #which. shoulnt be a problem because im almost 19 i should be able to make food for myself #but. as it turns out. i canttttt #and anyway i like to imagine papyrus cooking for me because he loves cooking and i think making food is how he shows he cares 4 ppl….. #or one way at least #blegh. anyway im not gonna go full vent mode on here because who give a shit but. it also makes me feel so STUPID 4 not being able to do #like. basic stuff like feeding myself #so. i think papyrus would like making me stuff to eat and also encouraging me about it #also. hed be good at forcing me to eat in a way that doesnt make me feel bad #ive talked about this before but i feel guilty when i tell people i havent eaten in awhile so i lie and stuff….. #like ‘oh i ate not too long ago so im fine’ and then #‘not long ago’ means like. 3 days. #and it makes me feel guilty and makes other people worry and then THEY feel guilty cause they cant really do anything #but papyrus is cool and awesome and smart so he doesnt make me admit it out loud and he makes me eat stuff even when i dont wanna #but. in a way that doesnt make me feel bad either. hes a master of psychological manipulation But like good #like. i tried a new recipe and you HAVE to taste it and tell me what u think or ill look sooo sad and dejected ^__^ #blarfgh. anyway -_- #i wish my cool awesome bffsie papyrus was here to make me awesome food

[milksnake-tea]

tmw u don't agree w some of ur friends takes on ur babykins but you don't want to start a fight or have a "bad take" so u just smile and nod along or just be quiet bc u might be the problem here GOODBYE

#thinking out loud 🏵️ #vent #ig??? #JUST ME COMPLAINING A BIT BYE BECAUSE 😭😭😭 THERES LIKE A 70% CHANCE THEY WON'T SEE THIS #wipes forehead man i love my friends i swear but when we disagree w takes im just standing there like 🥹🥹🥹🥹 #OR IM THE PROBLEM #IDK #delete later probablies

[dipyronegirl]

god i wanna start over so bad, i fucked up and ruined university just like high school, and high school was SHIT after what i did, everyone stared at me in the hallways and everything was horrible for years, i don’t wanna go through it again with the time i have left in uni, i wanna go someplace else where nobody knows my face and start fresh with a clean reputation — that i know i’ll ruin in a couple of years but by then i’ll be graduating so i can just start over again in residency

#this could be ab anything i guess but if u kno me at all u know what its ab #i still dont wanna say it out loud #they staged a fucking intervention after class yesterday. i cant go back there after this #i cant face them i dont want to. and my ex bf wants to hang out w me cause we’re still friends and id love to but #all his friends be telling him im a bad influence and shit and i just dont wanna be that person. but i AM that person i cant help it #and some of his friends get real quiet when im around and i wanna go away and be alone but he insists that they like me but its like buddy #they think im dragging u down u said so yourself. some of them give me this look that i cant explain #how can i ever go to class again after every degrading state theyve seen me in #and all the ‘we’re only doing this cause we like u and we’re worried ab u’ yeah right. some of u dont know anything ab me #its not my first intervention and it wont be my last and its not the first time i fuck up and it wont be my last but #i just wish things would go back to the way they were by the end of last year #or even by the beginning of this year (though i was going thru a financial crisis then) #but i cant. its already ruined. its alteady tainted. i slipped and spent the last 6 months making sure of that #vent post #tw

[leofrith]

been thinking about it and i have GOT to start looking weirder

#gotta start dressing more dykey my sanity depends on it #there are too many people in this shit hole who seem to think i look like the kind of person they can feel safe venting their bigotry to #i look boring i look too friendly i need to start looking more visibly insane as a litmus test for these fuckers #i have no personal style either which kind of sucks. gotta fix that. #idk im just thinking out loud now but. the point is i want to start expressing myself more in that way #and a somewhat unintentional side effect of that is that people might think twice before being transphobic in my presence #or maybe just not trouble me with Their presence at all in the first place #ky posts text

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

mewhen i

#im feelin. so awesome #i think. its because i have not eaten since breakfast. and ive gone on two hour-long walks. #during one of which i got soaking fucking wet in the rain #idk #feelin. bad #might b going 2 the zoo with my grandma tomorrow if it doesnt rain surely that will make me feel better #<< guy who is ashamed to show their face at the zoo bc ive gotten turned down by jobs there twice now and oh god what if they recognize me #its fine. j would like 2 see the sharks. i havent seen them in like 2 years now #sigh. i would like a hug. real bad #i dont even know what it is this time im just. sigh #im tired. im exhausted. ive officially spent too much time at home #bc ive started referring to myself as a girl again both out loud and in my head out of instinct and that just does shit to the dysphoria #i knewww this was coming. the last like. 2 or 3 days ive felt ok abt where im at in life it had 2 come crashing down eventually #as in. rn #aaughghhh #i dont want 2 vent im not going 2 vent i refuse 2 vent #i will instead be screaming into a pillow and crying while i fold stupid laundry and listen to music too loud #delete later