#and im anxious when im not working on things

[thestarsarebrightertonight]

i hate it here // mattheo riddle x fem reader

playlist : i hate it here - taylor swift

"im there most of the year cause i hate it here"

summary: you and mattheo find yourself laying on the rocky edge of the black lake , giving you a moment of serendipity to show him there is a world beyond the cold castle behind you.

y/n , no specific house , fluff , short!

you allowed the sound of the waves to drown out all of your thoughts as you found yourself laying amongst the rocks of he black lakes shore , mattheo riddle doing the same besides you.

"do you ever worry theres nothing beyond hogwarts?" he said softly as a silence followed , "i mean i hate it here but what if these are the best years of our lives and we're wasting them hating a place that isnt so bad afterall?"

you listened to his soft , anxious rant before simply turning your head to look at him , mattheo doing the same.

"i like to imagine everything i could do after hogwarts. when im in herbology i imagine my life travelling the world and collecting plants and discovering new ones , in defence agasint the dark arts i imagine chasing a death eater through the streets , i imagine the feeling of catching them - the euphoria. in charms i imagine being a professor , inventing new spells , teaching or working for the ministry." mattheo silently stared at you as you spoke , "the point is , there so much more out there mattheo , not even in the wizarding world , in the muggle world too. it may sound stupid but doesnt being a muggle singer sound fun? or a librarian protecting the acient words that are around me every day , lending people the knowledge of a well known poet or showing them the new world of a fiction novel."

he began to smile as you listed every opportuinity , the adventure of every posibilty flickering in his eyes.

"life doesnt end at hogwarts , thats where it begins." you smiled at him.

he grinned at you , seemingly happy with your response , "no matter what happens when we leave this place , ill be with you. even if you work in a muggle cafe or become the worlds greatest quidditch player , ill be there. i hate it here but i will never hate you."

"good because what we've got going on is a forever thing!" you both laughed as mattheos heart fluttered at the thought of it.

"forever" he smiled.

#harry potter #harry potter x reader #hp fanfic #x reader #hp #hp fandom #mattheo x reader #matheo riddle #mattheo riddle #slytherin #hogwarts #taylor swift #theodore nott #draco malfoy #ttpd #i hate it here

[realbeefman]

stacy is sooo interesting because she's in love with house but knows that they will never ever be able to have a healthy, stable, sane relationship because they're too similar so. she finds house-lite instead and marries him and. essentially moves on with her life! and is successful in this because she's a moderately well-adjusted person!

wilson, in contrast, never manages to escape the inevitable, in spite of his best efforts to find a house-lite of his very own, because he's an absolute fucking freak and ends up glued to house to the bitter. bitter end

#yeah im too sleepy to revise this. UNFILTERED posting wooahh #some may b shocked but i do actually read thru most of my posts several times to make sure i didnt accidentally write mein kampfe 2 #recently ive come to the realization that i am in fact not an incredibly chill person #and that the constant paranoia and fear in which i live my life is actually PROBABLY a symptom of severe anxiety #like damn. ive always known that im pretty prone to depression but ive preetty much always been aware of that #my mom is a chronic depressive so i know the symptoms i know the signs i have a pretty good arsenal of healthy coping mechanisms #UNFORTUNATELY mommy's mental health problems did not help her not abuse me as a child #so i ended up being a terribly anxious kid who was constantly being screamed at and told i was overreacting (because i was. because i had #a severe anxiety problem that was making me react irrationally.) to everything all the time #which is you know. it is VERY difficult to deal with a mental health problem when you arent aware you have a problem! #its incredible how much. better. my life has gotten since i figured this out and started actively trying to work out what triggers it #and being able to like. realize 'oookay. there is an Issue here and it needs to be overcome' #instead of just beating on myself constantly for not being able to do things without feeling sick or getting breathing problems! #anyways. trauma dumping in tags is over now! #house md #hilson #greg house #james wilson #stacy warner

[sapphicautistic]

Repeatedly chanting "I don't want to, but I can, and I'm going to."

#i have p severe phone anxiety esp about things I'm already anxious about and esp esp when i know it will be hard to hear/understand #BUT #i am going to call to work on the dental insurance issue #i have a cracked tooth and i am going to be responsible about it!! #tomorrow is the day I've scheduled for this and I'm getting ready for bed so that's why it's on my mind #i don't want to but i CAN and im GOING TO!!!! #updates on my boring life

[hatekawa]

Do you mind if I have a message to the Anons? (you can just ignore this ask if you don't wanna post it)

My Dear Anons and everyone here present

Plz Let Kawa Cook and Chill a little

As you could see from the last posts, she didn't had a nice time lately, so she deserves to just sit and enjoy her drawings If she will be ready to show us some of her gorgouse work, she'll show it

Guys plz remember that asking Artists "When will be the next chapter of this and that", "What are you cooking there" isn't always a good thing, there are a lot of us here, it can make the artist tired and it (in my opinon) doesn't really help to get more motivation if everyone is asking these questions

Guys! Some mistery from the Artist side is good! It will hype us more!

(Again Kawa, you can just ignore this Ask if you are not comfortable with answering it, I hope that you feel a little better then before)

Okay, so.

Today was my first day in a new school. Im very anxious about this. New people, new surroundings, new stuff to learn and new responsibilities.

Because of my school year starting, I'll have less time for myself which means less time to draw and write :(

-

Im planning on some stuff for you, but I dont wanna tell you what it is. I want you to have a surprise & its much less pressure for me!

& I dont mind asks, comments, dms, requests or questions. I like when you talk to me!

Just please be patient with me, and thank you!

HAVE A NICE DAY/NIGHT/ANYTHING!!!!!!🩵🩷🩵🩷🩵🩷🩵🩷omg the hearts are so pretty what yhe hell

#anon ask #ok time for stuff im too embarassed to say out loud #the whole attention and kind feedback makes me feel accepted and important even which i dont feel on daily basis #i do realize its internet and not real life which makes it impossible for me to get attached to but its still very nice #im flustered when you guys get hyperfixated over my stuff or when you create something because i inspired you #its just. #so cool to see you make stuff #also im not joking. asks dont make me feel pressed or anxious at all #btw the thing im working on is smiliar to arcane crossover :) #i hope i will finish it LMFAO my ass just cant focus on finish one thing at a time /hj

[wildmelon]

survived the weekend from hell and after a packed, sad, heartwarming, healing, and stressful couple travel days i'm home again... exhausted and drained, but home and feeling so much better after mourning and saying goodbye as a family ❤️ and we also got good news from the vet 🥹 thank you once again to anyone who left a kind comment last week, it meant the world to me 🫶🏼

#im so happy with how the service went bc i put so much effort into making it nice and was so anxious about things going smoothly #i was crying every day about my cat as well while trying to work on everything and be there for my parents who were both falling apart #but now i can say im so proud i was able to be there for them and help make the service beautiful #good example of a time when without my medications i wouldve been toast #instead i was able to process the grief and overwhelm and take care of myself and others #still lots of feelings and grief going on but im glad i can acknowledge ive come a long way in the middle of it ❤️ #lush.talk #personal #death cw #funeral cw #grief cw #animal illness cw #pet illness cw

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#theres gotta be. like there has to be something wrong with my head #ugh. not wrong. wrong is a bad word. just. i should not b this hard to get my brain to focus on literally anything that matters #its just so frustrating. im doing the best i ever have. and yet i still cant focus. wtf else can i do? #god dammit. all i wanna do is listen to garbage and draw and draw and draw my shitty little scribbles #maybe my head jsut wasnt built for what im trying to do with it #so idk how tf im supposed to get thru the next 4 years of my phd. or wtf im gonna do after #maybe i should just have just started working at a lab when i graduated. just be a lab manager for thr rest of my life #i dunno. i dunno what to do. how to make my head work. it shouldnt be this hard. my dad can just do things he doesnt want to and im like #HOW??? Im too much like my mom. especially now that im way less anxious. she was a procrastinater and a messy disaster #ay. im just frustrated and feeling guilty abt the lack ot work getting done. i just wanna get back into thr lab #unrelated

[silenthillbunni]

🐁☁️🌫️

#sorry gnna sound like a shit person now but im not feeling well i just need to rant #nothing good ever happens to me. every aspect of my life is a mess. im constantly miserable w nothing to pull me out of it #it's been getting worse nd worse for years nd if it keeps getting worse im not gnna be able to take it much longer #ofc there are sooo many others who have it way way way worse than i do. so i feel weak nd pathetic for being so affected by it when i know #it could be literally sm worse than it is now. like i get that. i know im not nearly as bad off as many ppl are #but idk still it's rlly tough to have *nothing* that makes me keep going. the literal only thing is that i dont kms bc i dont wanna hurt mom #bc im poor so i cant do ANYTHING. i cant go anywhere. not the cinema not concerts not to the mall not to the bookstore not an amusent park #i cant even go to cafées bc i dont have any money at all to spend on that #i have no friends to hang out w. even if i couldnt afford going anywhere i cant even just take a walk or sit nd talk to them bc there r none #my sisters havent talked for me in over a year #and like yada yada i dont have anything to pull me out of my misery bubble. no friends to comfort me no family to hang out w #nothing to do or nowhere to go. hell i havent even been able to eat for 8 months so i cant even like eat smth yummy nd watch a movie lmao #i cant even read bc of the constant noise! i cant go out into the forest bc there r always subway construction work or choppers or gun shots #i know im 'focusing on the negative' but what am i supposed to do when theres nothing positive to focus on lol????? #im always physically uncomfortable bc of pain nd health issues nd im always anxious nd stressed too so like... yay #and. this is where i sound mean but like after years nd years of nothing good happening to me... idc for others anymore like #when they talk abt their loving relationships and their kind friends nd them going to concerts im like.. wow !! u get to be happy!! i dont!! #im just envious nd jealous nd bitter bc why cant i have ANYTHING good???? not just ONE fkn thing? #other ppl get to have multiple things but i get nothing????? #and its not exactly like i hate them or wish illwill on them im just like wow kinda dont feel sympathy for u bc u have sm things #i've never had :))) nd u can never understand how awful it feels to be deprived of it so idc :))))

[pepprs]

i literally need there to stop being situations circumstances events developments complications and happenstances. for the fucking love of god

#purrs #but there will never stop being any of those things so actually what i literally need is to learn HARD AND FAST how to stop getting so #fucking triggered over a situation i know is NOTHING so bad that im anxious for the entire rest of the day and can’t even get any work done. #like (jade from tesco voice) girls… im not gonna lie to you. i think therapy is not working. i think i am not mentally or emotionally strong #enough to work in this job and i think i am never going to get mentally or emotionally stronger. ive been stuck in the quicksand too long #and now im atrophying. i cannot develop the situational awareness and motor skills or awakeness (and i mean AWAKEness.) to safely and #consistently drive a car. i cannot develop the intellect and drive and courage to get an advanced degree or be in a leadership position that #everyone actually sees as a leadership position lmfao. and i cannot develop the emotional intelligence and inner peace to not get triggered #out of my fucking mind at work to the point where im having anxiety heart palpitations and fighting back tears. i am just stuck as i am #forever. and you know how i know that? BECAUSE IVE WORKED AT THE NATIONALLY RENOWNED CENTER FOR YOU-ARE-NOT-STUCK-AS-YOU-ARE-FOREVER FOR #FIVE FUCKING YEARS SINCE ITS LITERAL FOUNDING AND HELPED TO FOUND IT AND IM STILL LIKE THIS!!!!!!!!!!!! i go back to square one EVERY #FUCKING DAY!!!!!!!! how am i supposed to tell other people who they are is what they bring and the world can change and whatever when i am #the fucking antithesis of that. when i don’t even believe my own words. like the way i want to punch out every window in this building rn i #HATE BEING LIKe this i hate being in the psychic prison of scared little girl mode all the time forever no matter what and being beyond help #and disappointing and burdening the people around me because i can’t be fucking normal about like. hierarchy and institutional politics LOL #delete later

[seknots-izumimir]

Love u is there a course you are looking for or are they all...boring this time :(

love u

tbh. i don't. know. most of mine seem pretty. meh. plus i got stuck in a class that runs from 5pm-6pm and i hate that </3

tbh i cannot really think of one. there's another like. game business-y one. and another business class (im so bad at business waaaa)

oh there is a class abt like. communication nd shit tho. which tbh i need <- guy who does Not communicate well irl

#there's a very funny thing that happens with me at school actually #like. TRUE system privileges here actually! i am extremely socially anxious and struggle to really even speak (like. vi can vouch for that #mumbled like 99% of the time i was talking to them skghds) so. when i have to talk some of the others just kinda. do it for me #so people describe me as super personable and cheery and stuff and im sitting here like 'thats just hiyori and bluebird working together' #like. its kinda funny tbh im an entirely different person. bc i am LITERALLY a different person at those moments skjdhgs #anywya. yeah. being able to communicate as myself is probably a useful trait tho sdgkjhds

[jellyfish-grave]

Rate my setup /j

#first we got my cover cuz i always get cold when i draw for some reason #my folder so full it's on the verge of fucking bursting at any moment #my school tablet for music #facing front so the sound sounds better and for the surface to be flat #and not in the center so i can hide the camera with the drawings im working on #(yes im anxious about cameras. shush.) #and finally my ruler and my fucking. four coloured pen #this is the stupidest thing ever #camma rambles

[moving-to-dreamwinged]

my dad came in and saw me on the couch (for the first time all day and i had literally just sat down for less than a minute when he came in) w heating pad and immediately goes "you have two options" (different chores to do) (as if i was like 10 years old and getting punished for something that i didnt even know i did wrong). what about secret third option where you treat me like an adult or i don't come home for winter next year. Lol

#.mei chats #soryr really my family is. great i need to stpo complain #i just wish theyd realize that im not incompetent #i do a really good job taking care of myself for the entire 10 months out of the year that i dont live with them #and im proud of the independence ive developed bc i worked really hard to feel ANY sort of positive feelings about myself #but they just dont recognize it at all when i come back #trying to tell me how to microwave my food and reminding me of paperwork i have to do #Thanks i literally managed the entire program tasks myself for the last 6~months but yeah you better remind me about the medical forms #or else ill totally forget and mess up the whole thing :'333 bc im just so stupid!! thakn you soooo much for taking care of me!! #<- not like ive been hypervigilant and anxious about making sure i do every little thing with it perfect #in fact there was actually an issue w one of my forms bc they made me submit it even though i didn't think it was filled out properly. #they were like “itll be fine youre overthinking” guess who got an email 3 days later saying the form was completely invalid. #god just bottom line why cantthey trust me when i say im on top of it. fucking trust me this program is my entire life right now #i am putting literally eveyr ounce of effort i've got into not ruining it. they just dont see the improvements and growth ive made at all #so frustrating bc ive worked so hard to pinpoint and fix that specifically but what can ya do #god this got long. sawry #.not f/o related

[toastsnaffler]

sometimes I wish I was a more interesting + charismatic person just so I could keep conversations going bc I like sharing space with other ppl but they routinely lose all interest and leave once I run out of things to say/start talking abt things that don't concern them :-(

#and boy do I run out of things to say so fast when I'm talking to friends who ik dont give a fuck abt any of my interests... #theres only so much i can make small talk or ask them questions abt their own interests/lives yknow. man #it just makes me feel like im constantly competing with smth else for other ppls attention all the time + constantly losing #eg. when i say smth + my flatmate reaches for her headphones a little dark souls banner appears across my vision like INTERACTION FAILED #and i can feel my rsd + insecurities praying on it like the more i feel this way the more it prophetically fulfils itself #by making me less willing to try and take up space so i become a smaller and smaller person around others #it frustrates me a lot sometimes and i dont rly have the will rn to undo that and force myself to take up more space regardless #ik this sounds like a water is wet complaint like oh nooo woe is me people get bored of me when i talk abt boring things (!!) #but when im spending time w ppl i like i enjoy listening to them talk even if im not interested in the subject bc its Them talking #and if they care abt smth then its worth hearing abt!! to me anyway. but it rly feels like no one reciprocates that idk #oh well not that it matters. at least i like the shit im into so i can talk to myself abt it in my head or on this site lmao #and i like myself as a person even if other people dont so theres always that. ur no 1 should always be urself <3 #voicing this makes me feel so stupid + embarrassed urgh. i hate being anxious abt dumb shit i hate being the sort of person who worries #that their friends privately dislike/just tolerate them or whatever bc id never want a friend to worry abt whether i thought that abt them #and im not naturally a very insecure person!! i think im just feeling particularly vulnerable atm bc of the season + jobhunting so long #+ the fact im dissatisfied with my current social life + still feel very wobbly from not having other ppl i can trust or rely on etcetcetc #and thats just bleeding into other areas. and it sucks a lot. but theres nothing to be done abt it rn bc im not going to communicate it #to other ppl bc im not pathetic enough to make my anxieties someone elses problem + beg for pity attention im too proud for that 👍 #anyway. gonna play some noita + then i rly need to work out today bc thats probs part of why im feeling so shite #if ur reading this ignore me im just venting itll pass. i hope youre having a nice day :^) #.vent #.diaries

[angeloftrumpets]

i think about this picture a LOT

EDIT: WARNING I JUST INFODUMP IN THE TAGS IM SORRY ???

#when i used to work at burgerking the parking lot literally looked like that and it would be dark and I NEVER STOPPED THINKING ABOUT THIS #the two weeks i worked at burgerking is hwen i made like. my weird au related to genesis apocryphon #duudeeee #when i first found out about it i lost my mind because i came up with my whole concept of be.ginner bible tapes traumatizing someone to a #point where they have a horrible fear of angels and gab. is like Hm... this is gonna be Really Funny and teaches some 20 year old about the #universe #but ends up being a good thing ? ? #< i havent gotten far to the au i still am processing how they would interact with eachother upon first meeting #i have to say my absolute favorite scene in man.dela is gab and dave like ? ??!!?!? I SAW IT LIVE LIKE WHEN IT WAS PREMERING AND I LOVEEE #VOL 4 ITS SOO GOOOD #i never really talk about this anymore but for a bit of last year i hardcore kinned si/x and like oh my god #dadtruder being CANON made me so happy because i was fighting for my LIFE to other mand/ela fans i know and NONE OF THEM AGREED WITH ME #i rewatched vo/l 4 with like 5 different people the day it came out i am not kidding #my initial getting into the series was really strange #it all started by seeing someone in an avatar of him in vr chat ?? but like a long time before that i saw someone who did this AMAZING #FANART OF HIM and when i staw it i just Stared at it for an Hour. #but there was someone in a del/taru/ne world on v/rchat and i just stared with autistic eyes i wanted to ask for the avi so bad but i was #way to anxious BC IT WAS LIKE. REALLY TALL. OKAY. #i used to run around in a backroo/ms world as si/x and gab it was truly a time #whenever soemone makes a toonie avi in vrchat its OVER I HAVE THE NAME ON THERE im so proud #im so sad i couldnt get it on discord it puts me in anguish when i think about it #but YEA i have been typing for like idk how long and im so sorry for the tag spam if you read through this i hope you have a wonderful day #or night ^ u ^ !!

[batvillainz]

Honestly I think telling people ANY time is the best time of their life is an awful idea but doing to to collage I do think is worse for me specifically because now I'm in this ridiculous position of having so much pressure on me to be having fun that I have regular panic attacks about it.

#val chats #like. how did we get here. why are we having anxiety attacks over hanging out in our dorm and teaching ourselves to oil paint. #why has my brain taken “social activities” as the most important thing i could possibly do and have me get anxious when doing Any Else with #my free time #INCLUDING social activities with people its decided 'don't count' like my partner #who i do a lot of out and about stuff with because they're the easiest person for me do talk to #i just keep working myself up into these states of massive anxity where i feel like im literally not allowed to spend time alone or like #hanging out with my roomate

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#its crazy how much easier it is to do things when youre not completely miserable lol #this past week has been weird bc ive felt really really good and like normal in a way thats kinds unfathomable #im hoping its the medication but my mood was already on an upward tilt and i was told it would take like 6 weeks for the meds to work #property but like ive been sleeping way more than usual. and by that i literally just mean 8hrs a night lol which is weird for me #like that never ever ever happens multiple days in a row. so idk. when i feel better it makes the 0cd way easier to manage as well #and im just generally not as anxious. on the more worrisome side i kinda just give less of a fuck so like i have an exam im not ready for #Tuesday and im just kinda like hm fuck that lol. ill go thru lil fluctuations of having a lot of energy too #like: i could run around in circles rn. i dont have to but i could. like yesterday i was out with friends and i was like bouncing up and #down while standing and rocking from side to side while sitting. which i kinda do anyway while in crowds but it was more to expend energy #last night i also got like 5hrs of sleep. so like maaaaybe ive been on the bleeding edge of mood elevation but for the most part it just #feels good and not destructive. like if i felt like this all the time that would b fantastic. its like oh so this is y ppl dont long to b #put out of their misery lol. depression? who? i dont kno her. sounds fake. but as soon as i fucking say that ill b fucking slapped back #down to earth. ugh. annoying. no emotional object permanence. i hope its the meds. if this is the person i am under layers of misery then #that is fucking so insane. we shall see. im curious to hear what the psychiatrist thinks of my brain when i follow up with her #i gave her my full dys1exia assessment which gives a pretty good picture of how my head functions. oh fuck i bet i would do waaaayyy better #on thise test if i took it in this state of mind. but anyway she has that on top of like 3 assessment sheets i filled out #dispite everything i still want someone to categorize me into a discreet box. tell me doc. am i really bip0lar? really really? #ur sure??? like 1000% sure bc my brain wont let me accept that unless its beyond a reasonable doubt. i just doesn't seem that serious. #i mean. it is but like ya kno. its not that bad. ay. this glob of mush behind my eyes runs me in circles #but for now thats ok bc i feel like i could run up a mountain or punch someone in the face lol #unrelated

[di-girls-dem-sugar]

#

#okay so. #in my culture having premonitory dreams is a huge thing right #not just dreams but also just feelings and generally speaking things into being #and its one of those things where you just know what to brush off as superstition and anxiety and what you should pay attention to #i have dreamt about death 2 nights in a row #in a very “abstract'' sense which isnt how my dreams normally are when it comes to these things #but basically the night b4 last i dreamt that (hear me out. stay with me) i was investigating a location for the oiar? the magnus institute #and me and whoever else was there found ourselves in a graveyard and as we tried to leave we met up with an avatar of the end #so i went back and reported that i was ''touched by the end“ i.e. my days were numbered #last night i dreamt about a zombie apocalypse which is something i dream abt relatively often so normally I'd be like whatever #except i woke up and went back to sleep and the dream continued?? how often does that ever happen to anyone #the entire dream took place in my house in my home country and we were basically packing our bags to move somewhere safer #but my dad wasnt home yet from work yet and i was unsettled #and nowwwww im anxious as hell and idk why #could it be nothing? yes. is it most likely nothing? yes #i just wanted to talk abt it #i know i might sound slightly crazy but. yeah #shut up kayla