#and idk i always felt so lost

[tatck]

i love sonic boom (games)

#my unpopular opinion- boom games > boom show #i was only interested in s1 of sonic boom. then it lost me. #in all honesty i did not like most of the show #i never watched all of season 2 fully. i ended up just watching clips or skipping through 😔 #but i enjoyed it's comedy. not everything landed tho #i am no good at explaining why but the boom games i just love more. i played them all #tho i remember being a little let down by rol's story the first time.but then it did really grow on me and i came around to it. #idk maybe ijust love the games for it's potential and earnesty. #when i was the boom guy i felt like a little imposter when everyone kept talking about the show in my notes #little did anyone know it was always the games that inspired me #with a little of the shows humour. so i could def see why it was assumed lol #WAIT i loved the comics too. nice and cute art

[icewindandboringhorror]

There's always a slight yearning in the back of my mind wishing I had been born in the right place, time, family situation, income level, etc. to have just lived in one single house for my entire life. Imagine being born in a place that still suits you, even through all of your personal evolutions and etc. The idea of deep familiarity with an area because you've lived and explored it for 40+ years, being encased in a web of memories and connections. Being able to clean out your old childhood bedroom and find personal artifacts, to dig in the yard and remember. I know those lives can still be plenty imperfect, but there's just something so seemingly solid and stable and Grounding about it that I sometimes wish I could have.. (At least from my outside perspective as someone who's moved around a bit geographically and even within the same area, never lives in the same house/ apartment /etc. for more than a few years usually.) Like... having a place that is printed upon, fully your own, rather than chronically a visitor, every thought of a space always tempered with the notion that one day soon you'll have to pack it all up again, etc. There's something peaceful about the permanence.

#I think also because I'm a very nostalgic person - THOUGH not in the way that somep poeple mean when they say nostalgia because I've realiz #ed that to some people apparently it means like.. more of a sad emotional thing? Or when I talk about being nostalgic they say 'me too' and #then describe how they're always depressed dwelling on the past wishing they could revisit it and replaying it and feeling sad and etc. #Whereas for me - it's not in a deep or emotional way at all. It's very detached - kind of like someone who is doing like a scientific #cataloguing of something? I don't feel any remorse or sadness or longing or sitting there sobbing for hours over people/pets I've lost or #etc. It's more like a fun contemplative excercise and extension of self analysis plus just documentation. Like I know your memory fades as #you get older OR even as stuff is actively ongoing humans have terrible recall - even the ones who are less emotional/more focused on #accuracy our minds still twist things or etc. SO I looove to have documentations of everything possible so that in the future I will have #as full and complete of a view of myself as I possibly can. sure the image will undoubtedly be a little distorted but having real evidence #of how something was at a time is very valuable. You look through old messages or letters or something and you always find other alternate #versions of yourself. Not in a worse way like inherently inferior Previous Models Of You who haven't yet been perfected but even just in a #neutral way like 'what they're saying is not a BAd thing but also is not how I would say that today.' etc. ANYWAY I find it really interest #ing to document and remember things and love revisiting the past - not in a sad way - but just like. curiosity. reminiscing and recalling #and filling in gaps. or trying to have the same feeling I felt at a previous time so I can remember what it was. Collecting information for #documentation purposes. Like for example - I would love to go back and tour all of my old childhood houses/apartments. Not to like #sit in the middleof them and cry and go 'ohhh my childhood waughhh' - but literally because I want to take detailed photographs so I #can remeber exatly what they looked like and recreate them in sims or some other digital way. Why? idk. just to gather the information. If #I ever live to like 80 years old and I'm still reflecting on my life curious about the dteails of it. I want to be able to fire up my #ancient windows 10 laptop I've kept all these years and open up the sims 4 and tour my old home with accuracy etc. ?? #Not sure why really. Maybe an extension of how I generally care a lot about having an 'accurate' view of things? Like I would rather be #accurate than be happy. I don't understand 'ignorance is bliss' because I would always rather know. I always always in any situation am mor #focused on 'what is the well researched practical truth' than about 'how does this make me feel' or etc. Truth above ALL else even if it #were to make me miserable. Aka why I'm a 'boring' 'annoying' 'UM actually..' type of killjoy lol because it's very hard for me to understan #that some people can enjoy something or have a good time even not knowing the full facts of a situation or etc. BUT anyway. since that is #some core driver of my personality for whatever reason (just the plague of ennegram type 5 perhaps lol) maybe that also drives me to my #kind of minor obsession with like 'I must have a complete view and calatoguing of my life that is as accurate as possible within the means #i have' . Is it REALLY important for me to know the exact layout of on of my first childhood bedrooms? no. materially it does nothing for m #in life. BUT hey. it would make a great addition to the Accurate Life Story Catalogue lol. ANYWAY.. But I think a lot of wanting to live in #one place forever is not just the ease of documentation. but the sense of having a constant. Much of what i crave most in life is stability #& familiarity &routine bc of how my brain works. And it just would feel so good to be Settled. Never uproot again. One little place FOREVER

[shikai-the-storyteller]

Listen, I know next to nothing about ARMY, but every interaction I've seen of their community with any community I've been a part of has always been so sweet, like???

Is this not the sweetest thing you've ever seen?

I love seeing people being passionate about the things they love, and something about this specific interaction makes my heart so soft. It reads like "Something I love recieved recognition by something you love, and for a brief moment we were connected and united by that love."

Idk man, something about people and their passions and the intersections communities have because of it genuinely makes me so emotional.

#i talk #qsmp talk #I mean this in a bigger sense though it's not just with regards to Q or QSMP #People being passionate about what they love always genuinely gets me #something about love being shared really gets to me #anyways #I don’t know much about ARMY but I know some K pop fans get a bad rep #just like with a lot of MCYT in general #but at the end of the day we're all just people who are passionate about the things we love #I lost the plot halfway through writing this post but idk man #it just felt really nice to see #it's been a rough day #a rough while really #But anyways. Whenever I think of ARMY I think of r/place. That was so funny

[iamthemaestro]

had a character development moment today where I realized maybe I simply do not have a healthy relationship to classical music anymore

#i always felt terrible about 'losing interest' but it never felt right to say that #partially as a music student but partially because i *love* classical music I always have and I still do #so perhaps it's not that i've lost interest #for lack of a better term i just can't be normal about it anymore #it just. exhausts me #like i wish i could just turn the analysis brain off even for a moment #and just enjoy it #but it's ironic because the analysis brain is a result of the fact that i love it so much #idk. i just want to be able to listen without it feeling like it has to be a source of self-improvement. #without it feeling like an educational endeavor every single time #i love learning about it but if you turn every single interaction you have with a thing into a learning interaction #it does kind of eat away at the fun you have with it if you're not careful #because at a certain point you stop thinking about what you enjoy about it and what you love about it #in favor of what you can glean from it #and like. if you just think about that out of context. that's not a healthy form of love #idk. ironically enough maybe i need to not immediately jump to the score videos #i think i need to just listen to things again #like I don't actually Need to know how they work immediately. that information is going to be there regardless #i can just. try to listen again #idk. very specific problem to have #the things you go through when you spend your life so intensely steeped in one art form #i would be more normal about it if i was less intimate with it in a way. it's a double edged sword #because at least i know it's this thing i carry with me so deeply and so permanently #this thing that has ingrained itself into my very being and the way i think #it's as dangerous as it is wonderful #i just wish i could wield it better #anyway. #composerposting #mine

[udovaintomyheart]

“You heard me. My enemies understood brutality. And so did my crew. After it was over, I drank with my men and divvied up the spoils. Then I went back to my cabin, vomited up the very fine dinner my steward had prepared, and cried myself to sleep."

Nikolai Lantsov (Siege and Storm, Chapter 10)

#idk why this line always makes me wanna hug him #like he lost his best friend not even that long ago #and now he is out at sea trying to prove himself #idk like i just feel like he must have felt so lonely that day #nikolai lantsov #strumhond #siege and storm #alina starkov #grishaverse #grishaverse quotes

[eenochian]

i found a song that i listened to the night before my family had to put one of my cats to sleep and now i am just. sitting here crying. fuckin hate it here man.

#i know this is probs annoying and depressing #so i’m sorry #but at the same time.. #idk i guess i just. have to talk about my grief #it’s been just over 6 months #(it was april 1st that we put her down) #and i keep thinking that i’m over it until i think about her again #i know this is probably so insignificant to people. but she was my first loss. #we had her for almost 10 years. since i was 10 years old. #i felt so lost for weeks after she passed #i’d just wander around the house like a zombie. i couldn’t think. couldn’t figure out what to do. #i didn’t even realize i was wandering aimlessly until my mom pointed it out. she always had to distract me– give me smth to do #so i wouldn’t just sit there staring into space. #this is…. not conducive to my fic writing tonight

[fourteenthz]

!!! Insane in the head atm !! unhealthy in ways you would never understand !!!! if anyone cares !!!! DRIVING MYSELF UP THE WALLS !!!! HELLO HI !!!

#txt #kelly plays bg3 #kelly says #so many SO MANY ACT 3 SPOILERS BELOW THIS TAG OH GOD DON'T LOOK #I NEVER FELT SO MUCH IN SUCH SINGLE QUEST HOLY SHIT that shit stressed me out in ways i CANNOT FENTON #cazador quest btw. it does NOT help that astarion's va did a fantastic job HOLY FUCKING SHIT MAN LIME #in the beginning of the quest once u enter the palace his voice is trembling THERE'S NO WAY PPL CAN DO THAT #like I cry easily but I thought it wouldn't affect me as bad as his soft voice spaking with/abt sebastian did #but the part where he confronts cazador and throws him on the ground it changed me as a person (for worse) #his swearing made me go into a break down btw. if anyone cares. #there's so much to his character I feel like I have to sit tf down and think abt it for centuries... #there's so much of s.a. victim in him that truly only shows once hes back to that fucking house and the path to convincing him is so gentle #there's literally nothing left unsaid to me. i legitimately adored every single dialogue in that scene #by the end i was holding my screen and screaming I'M SO PROUD OF YOU #the aftermath to that quest is SUCH THREAT and GOD astarion v.a. truly fucking shines man like idk how he does #but astarion always had this fake easy to him and in the aftermath he genuinely sounds so happy. i was bawling my eyes again #there's something to tav kneeling down onto his grave and putting a flower there. and saying that astarion was never cazador's #and then THE SEX ON HIS GRAVE YEAH THAT'S HIM it's literally who he's. we never lost him hes just this free version of himself #it makes me go FUCKING BONKERS I cannot even begin to express how much I adored this quest. #the timing is so good the atmosphere is wonderful the character development is astonishing #legit said out loud and IN TEARS “this game is fenomenal” while astarion started crying #I'd do anything for him. my tav will do anything to keep him safe and happy and hes my most special boy ever #didn't thought they could make a character so different from my taste match so much of my taste. there he is I guess. #he goes to the top of my holy shit there's nothing more well written than this mf list I GUESS #by the sex on the grave part I was crying as well btw. if anyone cares. genuine laughing tears whem he pushes tav back. #they are the friends and lovers of all times I ADORE THEM SO DEARLY. #i don't think ill able to do the ascend path with my dark urge as i planned.... him like this is so.... so. #seeing him loosing his cool was insane btw but seeing them in the end + THAT SOFT LOOK he gives her by the time they kiss. SO FUCKING POETIC #i cannot stop playing that entire quest in my head its driving me up the walls i adore his writting i adore him he's the man of all time. #never felt happier with timing like i did by taking my oath of vengeance before going there. i adore them. CAN ANYONE HEAR ME HELLO HES SO-

[girlwithfish]

any time i have any sort of day im like i deserve a treat lol

#walked 1.79 miles + prob more bc i didnt always have my phone on me from just subbing #and managed 18 8 yr olds who were a lot to deal w and got thru most of the lesson plan besides some stuff i couldnt find lol. #Ughhhhhh #i need to stop buying treats but i cant help it 😭 #idk if i wanna work tmrw i kinda feel sick #i feel better now but it was rly bad in the morning idk if it was bc it was super coldi n the building so i felt even more stuffy and sick #and i lost my voice from talking so much and having to talk loud bc i cld not hold these kids attention for more than ten secondsm ax maybe #i feel fine rn mayb #it being literally freezing this morning fucked me up lol. idk #but i kinda just wanna rot in bed tmrw my sinuses have been so bad idk if i habe a sinus infection and like allergy medicine isnt helping #and mucinex helps kinda but im almsot out but like everything that kind of helps just stops working eventually or gets less effectivr so #im like 🧍‍♂️ #i got these saline packets to do like a saline rinse and i thought the thing came w a spray bottle but it doesnt so now i habe to buy that #Idk what to do i straight up cant breathe thru my nose sometimes #hot showers dont help either 😭

[shougancid]

Mari's gaze is quite uninterested and cold, by virtue of the resting bitch face and her eyes, but when she looks at someone or something she likes or is passionate about? She just has this oxymoronic look that's both soft and intense.

#➤ h e a d c a n o n┊ ❛ the picture isn't pretty but it's perfect ❜ #mari is a cat in the body of a 6'1'' woman no i will not elaborate #except i totally will in that mari is an oxymoron of a person who's both passionate and passionless and truthful but a liar?? #when i first created her she was an 18 year old captain of a volleyball team who would cry in the bathroom if she lost and that was #simultaneously her life and something she loved and something she felt obligated to do because she was so determined to be better than yui #and there's more to life than being better than someone and she knows that but she doesn't accept it because if she's not the best #she's nothing and that's why she holds herself to such fucking high standards she feels like she has to be twice as good to have half #of what others have because of who she is and how she is #so yes she's bitchy but she's always been like the moon who only shines because of the light from the sun and she wants to step out of that #and when i played her years ago the people she was closest to were the ones who didn't take her at face value and idk it's fun

[theinfinitedivides]

said a prayer for Jjong today.

#shinee #jonghyun #idk i don't usually yk. do things like that for people that have passed but it's been six years and it felt fitting somehow #six years ago i was what. 12 about to turn 13???? had already been to a fair bit of funerals but the only ones that had hit me before #this one were the pianist at our church who passed away suddenly from a heart attack and the regional club leader who had cancer #for like three years and passed just as the doctors thought she would go into remission #and those both happened around October/November so. going into the winter season has always been hard for me and Jjong #was no different. #it's gotten better slowly but it still hurts sometimes. some days i wake up and i can't even look at any of his pictures other days #i get up and put his albums on loop and laugh and reblog so many of his antics #it's funny bc when my aunt passed on New Year's in 2019 it was exactly two weeks after the 1st anniversary date rolled around. always has #been but i never noticed until we lost her and we had to go down for the funeral and i basically disappeared off the internet for a good #two to four months sans queue and checking in on Discord and sh*t and that year he managed to keep me sane. sounds f*cked up #but that year it was just me and Spotify and my playlists and Jjong's voice amid it all. i wish i could meet him and tell him in person #that he practically saved my life even tho the fandom was still raw af from losing him but the prayer will have to be enough #you did well Jjong. you worked so hard. you are our pride. love you to the moon and back 🌒🌙 <333

[theood]

Gonna be entirely honest from what ive heard abt New Soupernatural it honestly feels very unfitting for Dean to go around actually saving his mom. Like. Im SORRY to say it but the way John raised Dean and how John shaped him to be Sams Protector to be There For Sammy to raise him with the burden of "you may have to kill him for me, Dean. You're going to need to watch Sam and I need you to promise me you'll shoot him if he goes south" is really fucking integral to why Dean is Dean.

YES, we see Dean multiple times wanting a white picket fence life. We know he doesn't want to hunt. But for him to completely rewrite time. Alter a timeline feels. So disingenuous to who his character was.

Dean didn't deserve to die how he did, but what he's doing in Heaven is no better. Deans story should have ended differently yes, but not how it's going in The New Show

#im.not gonna tag this bc from what I've seen its an unpopular opinion but 8/ like. idk I ( #Know Dean. And I think like truly as much as I love the show we DID stray from what he was. WHO he waz because og #John. Because he lost his mom #There was always a split between him and Sam bc of his mom. And we know Dean early on got the role of protector thrust on him #and he viewed himself as killing his mom. I don't think its right he finally gets to fix that. It doesn't feel right. #Dean is. Narratively a tragedy. His happy ending is happy but his true wants aren't fufilled but by the end he should have learned #to let go. To mourn truly and wholely and properly. Family doesn't end with blood. He can cry. #idk. I'm being preachy over the show I didnt watch bc it looked kinda shitty and I really didnt care for #follow baby boy john b4 he abused his kids and blamed them for mommys death #But I also really fucking hated Marys return on SPN it felt so dumb. Its such a dumb fucking arc to me #IDK. Hashtag Castiel kinnie has feelings on his source material but like man this ain't it #spn posting

[ukrainian-psycho]

i wish i figured it out sooner

#I feel like I’m too old for transition #I know it’s not true but I wish o didn’t waste a quarter of a century being lost and miserable #I wish I already had some results and went through it when I wasn’t so fucking alone #idk man #I always felt like a glitch in the matrix I guess it finally explains it #I’m too tired for anything maybe too tired to live too tbh #I’m juggling so many things constantly #some bullshit comes up and I’m the only one who has to deal with it #idk

[godfistgonnalive]

how i feel lurking in that ultrakill discord servers channels all the time cuz i want to talk to people but theyre all so cool and im scaredddd

#owls nonsense #the Beast will get me if i make a fool of myself in general one more time #also kinda on topic but i just realized how fucking like awful i am at interacting with people. well like ive always known but like #its become very apparent these past 2 weeks #1st example: interacting with people online is hard. im not being normal enough and im scared im now Weird #2nd example: had to follow around a group of classmates like a lost puppy silently cuz everyone else left with their groups and #i was the only person left #so they were like just join us and said exactly zero words the whole time we were doing the activity #3rd example: also yesterday i had to work in pairs with this random ass like i think he was a junior or senior on a thing #and idk it felt awkward #and i tried to make small talk but i think im really doing that All Wrong. #i wanted to rip my hair out #SAD! ultrakill/hetalia/homestuck fan/tumblr user/speedcore/gabber listener who doesnt go outside cant interact with people

[realfrenz]

whenever i watch descendants i cant help but think that technically. technically. and stay w me here. technically farquaad and doug are cousins

#and then farquaad gets mega pissed #bc why the fuck does doug get to be like 5'8". #idk i cant find his height but hes like normal ass human person height obviously #thats not FAIR??? #❛❛ ooc : i've always felt so lost.

[mell0bee]

ok i dont want to maintag but just finished s4 of tdp and is it just me or was it kind of wack??? (spoilers in tags)

#like i love terry. i thought viren was pretty good. ezran was great and soren was pretty good too #but everyone else just like???? felt completely ooff #which is so weird bc i feel like this show usually has such a pulse on these characters #and as someone who didnt read any of the tie in novels i felt completely lost re: rayla and callum which is. wack. #the last ep or 2 also lost me. so much deus ex machina for no reason. #why is there a lemur. #the season is called the mystery of aaravos and yet hes barely in it #and it feels like there is hardly any payoff for anything #also i feel like they did claudia so dirty like she was such a compelling character so why did her motivations change to be completely wack #in that scene with soren #i liked the amaya and janai plot but it felt so disconnected from everything #idk man i havent rewatched it in a while but s1-3 were just. good. tight writing and characters. the humor pretty much always fell flat #but thats finr #but like. ????? #wack. #bee post #the last episode is almost comical with how many fakeouts and deus ex machina there is like im sorry but i cant take it seriously #maybe i really am too old for this. watching a show at 15 wont be the same as watching a show at 19. #but like part of why i liked tdp so much was bc it never felt like it was talking down to its audience???? it told it how it was!! #like it treated the audience like it was smart and it would catch onto nuances and here its just #cheap tropes and characters that are all over the place #am i going insane??? #ok anyway give me a few days to be salty about it and then i will calm down probably

[spear-gsun]

Where is that Bustling Marketplace Now has been stuck in my head all day specifically this part its so insanely good like holy shit actually one of the best things ever i cannot get enough of it

#Idk how to describe it but like the whole song feels like its describing Chimata's story #Like everything up until this part feels sorta heavy and almost sad in a way #the way the song fits with the battle too to me has always felt like shes telling you her story through her spellcards if that makes sense #like how she had lost her power and was on the brink of dissappearing #the music builds up while the timeout spell (rainbow ring of people) gets faster and faster #and then BOOM its like youre now back in the present with Chimata who's now regained her power and is full of confidence #i dont know how to describe it but it feels so charismatic #i could ramble about touhou music and gameplay for hooours and honestly i really want to