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cieloclercs · 8 months

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what would you say (if i told you i love you)? — charles leclerc

PART: 5/? (read part 4 here)

summary. in which childhood best friends blur the lines between what they’ve always known, and something more

pairing. charles leclerc x artsy!reader

warnings. it’s GROVELLING time !! sad charles, sad reader, swearing, everyone still kind of hates charles (as they should) angst but not quite as angsty as the last part

face claim. tara michelle

author’s note. i hope this is enough suffering for you guys 😭 i’m weak tho so there’s a tinyyy bit of progress at the end 👀 i feel like this one’s a bit messy so i’m sorry about that?? it’s also kind of just setting up the next part but oh well 😭 anyways, LAST PART COMING UP NEXT ☹️ i’m gonna miss this series :’(

NOW PLAYING | Singapore 2023 post-FP1 interview: Charles Leclerc

COMMENTS 32k

username i’m still charles’ number 1 hater rn but he looked so sad at the end… ☹️

username girl no we need to be strong! don’t fall for the sad puppy dog eyes (i know he’s cute but srsly don’t) 🫠

username you’re right, you’re right 😔 haters until the end 🫡

username sir don’t try and blame your shitty mistakes on y/n 😭😭

username HE LOOKS SO SAD I CANT 🥲

username i really hope y/n sees this and realises he’s actually sorry

username no way that’s too easy. charles needs to apologise properly !!

username oh my GOD the way he started smiling when he said y/n is his ‘lucky charm’ AND THEN THE WAY IT DROPPED WHEN HE REMEMBERED THEY’RE NOT FRIENDS ANYMORE IM GONNA SCREAM 😭😭😭💔💔💔

username charles do you see what you’re doing to us charlesy/n stans?? PLEASE JUST TELL HER HOW YOU FEEL FFS 😫

username i swear if these two don’t pull their heads out of their asses soon I WILL COMMIT MURDER

username so real bestie 😔

username it’s such an invasion of privacy to ask about this though 😭

username fr the press don’t know when to keep out of it 😒

username i think he knows he’s in love with her now, he’s just not sure how to fix things ☹️

username i’m scared this feels like right person wrong time you know? 😃

username don’t say that 🫣 i’m just praying y/n forgives him. as soon as he apologises properly ofc, can’t make it too easy for him mwahahah

username i want to keep hating him but i’ve never seen him look that sad 🥲

username CHARLES YOU DONT GET TO ACT LIKE THE VICTIM WHEN YOU’RE THE ONE THAT’S CAUSED THIS

username so true. he needs to stop feeling sorry for himself and apologise 🙄

liked by yourfriend and 47,837 others

yourusername always on my mind ☁️💫

view all comments…

username SHE’S BACK IN MONACO GUYS EVERYBODY STAY CALM

username MOTHER HAS RETURNED !!!

username wait is that f1 she’s watching on her phone? 🤨

username omg it is 🤭

username SHE WATCHED THE RACE OMFG

username charles podium as well 😩😩

username it’s like he knew she was watching 🥹

username i hate how quickly everyone’s switching up on the charles situation just because of that interview but at the same time i can’t deal with my parents fighting anymore i need them to make up 😫

leclerc_pascale Bienvenue à la maison, ma fille ❤️ / welcome home, my girl

yourusername 🥰

arthur_leclerc YOU’RE BACK

yourusername did you forget? i literally saw you twenty minutes ago 😭

username the caption 🤔

username we can all agree she’s talking about charles, right?

yourfriend ma femme 🤩 / my wife

yourusername mon amour 😘

username she is everything.

username forget her art SHE IS THE ART RIGHT THERE

charles_leclerc belle / beautiful

username EXCUSE ME??

username SIR WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE PHAHAHA

username charles get tf out of here 😭

username i love how y/n’s just straight up ignoring him 😭

username CHARLES IS HERE GUYS HOW ARE WE FEELING

username i’m so conflicted rn

username like i want them to make up but at the same time he needs to SUFFER like he made y/n suffer

username fr, make him squirm a little 😌

username idk guys, if charles leclerc commented ‘belle’ on MY instagram, i’d be on my knees in an instant 🫣

username girl please 😭

username charles babe please go away you’re ruining the vibes x

username i swear to god if he’s here just to fuck with y/n’s head again i’ll fucking kill him

username he wouldn’t do that

username @charles_leclerc if you want to win her back this is NOT the way to do it

arthur_leclerc @charles_leclerc what did i tell you? 👀

username HAHAHA ARTHUR STOP

joris_trouche @charles_leclerc you should listen to our advice mate 😃

yourfriend @arthur_leclerc @joris_trouche shut up both of you 😒

joris_trouche yes ma’am 🫡

username they’re all ganging up on him 😭

liked by formula1updates and 9,736 others

f1gossip Charles Leclerc and Y/N Y/L/N spotted at the same night club in Monaco 👀

view all comments…

username OH MY GOD IS IT HAPPENING??

username there’s no way this is coincidence charles is boutta beg for forgiveness i’m calling it

username y/n’s actually smiling tho 😭 charles please don’t ruin it x

username we need y/f/n to scare him off before he can ruin her night 🤞

username AHAHAHA YES

username what i’d give to be in that club rn 😔

username fr y/n better be roasting him 😭

➜ part 6

taglist: @cxcewg @incoherenciass @formula1mount @allywthsr @meabhcavanagh @driveswiftly13 @zzblooda @gaslysainz @be-your-coffee-pot @siovhanroy

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lixxpix · 3 months

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happiness looks good on you- lee felix

summary: you love felix, but he doesn't love you back.

warnings: sad ending, angst!

author's notes: hi everyone<3 this is my first fic, kinda wrote this at like 3am on a whim instead of sleeping but like😭 idk why i made this so sad (is this a sign im depressed or something) but hope u enjoy!! please to comment ur user if u want to be tagged in this or my future posts<3

"happiness looks good on you."

raging storms and unshed tears.

"happiness looks good on you."

heartbreak and rainy days.

"hurry up lix, we're going to be late," you complained, brow furrowed as you stuck your bottom lip out in a pout.

"if you really want to go to school that early just walk there yourself." felix taunted, knowing you were scared to walk alone. he was your long-term best friend, inseparable since kindergarten 'til today.

the two of you argued and bickered on the way to school, throwing insults at each other. by the time the both of you had gotten to school, you were both given a scolding and told to sit down. you glared at him as you were being scolded while he just snickered.

the audacity of this man, honestly .

by the time class had finished, you had cooled down, just like felix knew you would. otherwise, he could just stick out his bottom lip while you huffed and pretended to be mad.

"y/n!" he gasped, clutching at your arm, "areum just looked at me!"

he squealed, like a little kid at the toy shop, over his long time crush.

if only you looked at me in that way.

because i do.

"nah, she probably was just looking at someone else." you lied through your teeth, feeling your heart sink.

"hey, stop being mean!! she clearly looked at me," he pouted.

you sighed.

i've loved you for years and you've never noticed.

"well just confess to her already then."

it was painful watching your own crush and best friend fall for someone else, someone that wasn't you.

you wished, rather selfishly, that areum would reject him. then you could be the shoulder he would cry on. not her. but honestly, you couldn't bring yourself to hate her. what was to hate? she was pretty, got good marks, and was friendly and easygoing. not to say you yourself weren't pretty, but you just weren't as pretty and hardworking as her.

and you weren't the one he wanted.

maybe the pain would end if they just ended up together and you were out of the picture. it was obvious she liked him too.

"you really think i should? but what if i get rejected..."

you're so blind but i still love you.

"yes, how many times do i have to say this, she likes you. it's obvious." you rolled your eyes.

"should i just confess tomorrow? better late than never..." he trailed off, worrying at his bottom lip with his teeth.

gods you look so cute when you do that.

"yeah. get her some flowers and write her a note."

why were you breaking your own heart? you didn't know why. maybe you just wanted to end your own heartbreak.

"good luck with that, anyways i need to go to s house for a project." you actually didn't, but you would do anything to just escape from this.

"why~~are you really just going to leave me alone to plan my big confession by myself," he whined.

"sorry lix, but you'll figure it out." ruffling his hair, you walked out the classroom.

you did, in fact, go home. then sat on your bed and cried until you couldn't physically squeeze any more tears out of you. so this was what heartbreak felt like. you had known him since the both of you were ten. you had have multiple crushes here and there, but they were just passing, fleeting moments, nothing of importance. until him.

you didn't know when you had first started to like him. maybe it was that time in the library where he was helping the librarian stack books. maybe it was that time in the rain where he danced in it for hours.

maybe it was one summer day where your world just exploded in colours.

and now it felt like it was fading back to grey.

the next day, felix came bouncing up to you.

"i got her peonies, do you think she'll like it? i told her to meet me in the garden."

"yeah, she'll definitely like it. i would've too... " you muttered the last part all to yourself, turning away and blinking rapidly as tears threatened to prick your eyes. you offered him a smile of encouragement.

"good luck."

when lunch came, you watched as the nervous australian carried the peonies and went to the garden.

then you watched as they walked in ten minutes later, smiling bashfully and holding hands like schoolchildren in love.

because they were.

you went home, not even bothering to call in sick. you just grabbed your bag and went home. you would deal with the consequences later.

your heart hurt.

you were numb.

you were hollow.

you were crying.

you hated everything.

the next few days were spent at home. you called in sick. felix texted you countless times but you ignored him.

lixie<3

y/nie?

where r u?

she accepted!!!

im so happy>.<

read at 2:03 a.m.

yeah, right. good for you. but what about me?

lixie<3

...hello?

y/n?

can u please respond...

im worried...

what happened???

why didn't you come to school today??

read at 3:46 p.m.

you turned off your phone then turned over and cried again. you hated this. why did you have to fall for him in the first place?

finally, after four days of missed calls, texts, and school, you had to go back. its not like you had a choice anyways. you missed your parents. they lived overseas though, so you lived alone. but you really couldn't continue living like this for the rest of your life, even if you wanted to.

"y/nie!!!" felix exclaimed, running up to you. "why didn't you respond to my texts? are you okay? it's unlike you..."

"im sorry lix, i was just under the weather. im ok." you offered him a tight lipped smile. "congrats by the way." you closed your locker door and rushed off before he could ask you anything more.

"huh? thats unlike her... why is she acting so weird lately?"

and so you avoided him, as much as you could. you kept your conversations short and brief, not talking to him as much as possible, and even switching seats to sit far away from him. you watched his hurt face the day he walked in and saw you sitting somewhere else, but then cheering up as areum sat next to him. you watched as he laughed and held hands, ate tteokbokki and ramen with her in the cafeteria. that should've been me.

but honestly, it did nothing to fill the felix-sized hole in your heart.

you drifted apart. he barely texted you now, barely said hi to you, barely even saw you in the hallways anymore.

then exams were finished, and graduation started to roll around.

you watched as they attended prom and twirled around on the dance floor giggling.

you watched as they broke up on the doorstep of his dorms, watching as felix's face fell when she dumped him for another guy.

you didn't have the heart to tell him i told you so.

so you busied yourself in your exams, earning a scholarship to your dream university. felix tried reaching out to you several times to rekindle your old friendship, but you would always politely decline, preferring to be detached instead of going through more heartbreak.

you still loved him, but the once burning passion had now been reduced to a soft flicker every now and then, sparking ever so slightly whenever you saw him in the corridors. your own felix-shaped hole in your heart hadn't decreased over the years, but your heart became bigger, expanding so that other people could fit in it. the hole would always be there, but at least there was space for healing.

you turned around in the backseat of your friends' car to see the campus you had once called home fading away into the distance and felix along with it.

goodbye, the wind whispered.

"happiness looks good on you, lix. i hope you make the best of it."

#lee felix x reader #felix x reader #skz x reader #skz #stray kids #gn reader #angst #sad ending #lee felix #high school au #heartbreak #lost love #heartache #stray kids x reader #stray kids x y/n #stray kids x gender neutral reader #stray kids x you

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the-s1lly-corner · 6 months

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I got an idea from the child reader request.

Like the same wolf in sheep's clothing concept but like FULL SWEET TO DARK PERSONALITY.

Wanna hear?

So basically child reader is like cute and innocent at first sight but IS A TOTAL DEMON, Having a very dark sense of humor, Sometimes out of nowhere walk up to someone of the gang and threaten to gouge out their eyes while they sleep, they are always with an cute expression but turns out that they like to cause chaos and havoc just like Jax but in a more creepy way.

For example, SOMEHOW reader is caught hanging from the ceilling scaring the fuck out of gangle just because its fun. Or staying in the dark waiting for someone so they can jumpscare them.

Basically child reader uses their cute-kid as an advantage to scare others off.

TADC x child!reader who is a menace! (platonic)

wasnt quite sure what to title this so!! some segments may be shorter than others since im still trying to get a hand of writing/coming up with ideas for certain characters (cough cough gangle) (i love her sm but shes so hard for me to write idk why) hope you enjoy! majority of this post is just me tormenting the cast TToTT

CAINE:

oh my god you kind of remind him of bubble but more... flkmddlvm

makes a time out rule when you keep making threats to the other circus members, that behavior is not family friendly!

he might even consider trying to go into the code and censoring your common phrases as well as some other words, if he has the capabilities for that

still tries to be a dad to you, though, wants to be a good role model and guide you in the right direction for the sake of everyone else

the first time you say something... morbid to him he just

slack jawed, stares at you before shaking himself back to reality and just

bro is astonished he was not ready to hear that today, let alone hear it from a small child

POMNI:

you know how in the other post with a child!reader i mention that pomni is vaguely uncomfortable around kids since she knows they can dish out some real cruelty

take this idea and multiply it by 10x

actually looks like that one sad spongebob meme with the big eyes and tear when shes put in charge of keeping an eye on you during an in house adventure

meek attempt to get you to behave

not much to say here imo, since its like an amped up version of the last post :O

JAX:

makes a joke about how youre already entering your edgy phase, he now has to watch his back lest some of his digital fur be shaved off

fear does not come close to describing how he feels when he discovers that you somehow found keys to some peoples rooms. he hopes you dont have a key to his room

and he thought he was hot shit, but no some random kid makes him fear the consequences of his actions

is this his punishment for his constant bullshit? what did he do in particular to deserve this?

instinctively looks up at the ceiling when he enters a room to make sure youre not about to drop on him

congrats, youve instilled fear into the funny rabbit

RAGATHA:

the 'nightmare kid' thing some babysitters go through at least once in their life, but instead of tantrums and such its just you talking about how you sometimes tear apart the dolls that came with your room. to the doll person

very uncomfortable by a lot of the stuff you casually say, even more so because its coming from a kid. though i think she would be uncomfortably be talk like that in general

SWEARS that one day shes going to blink and youll suddenly be right next to her or within her proximity

like on one hand she wants to try to guide you to be less dark, like caine, but i think she would need someone to back her up because she cannot get the image of the torn up dolls out of her head

KINGER:

poor man

like even if the things you said were empty threats, he would be scared shitless

if he isnt already in his fort, hes retreating to it the second he sees you around

kind of funny since kinger is in his late late 40s and youre a kid and hes terrified of you

anyways

less of a discomfort thing and more so scared that youre going to go through with the things you say

he walked into the common area one day and saw you literally crawling across the walls, he was with gangle when he saw it. you see his irises of his eyes shrink

doesnt even bother going to his fort, which is under where you currently are

he just

slowly

backs away, he can find refuge in his room... unless you have a key to his room

ZOOBLE:

less discomfort more annoyance with zooble, i think that while she would find it funny when a kid swears she finds people talking like that to be cringe; kid or not

the only one who isnt really scared of you. sure you threaten to disassemble them constantly and hide their pieces across the grounds to assure they can never be whole again, but they're just internally cringing while you try to make them turn away

in a weird way you two create an odd dynamic where you just go on and zooble just halfway listens, you kinda just talk at them

like while caine tries to be your dad, and ragatha tries to be.. something.. zooble is like a weird 'friend'

probably has the most potential to become a friend and get you to chill, but thats just based on my experience

like if its an attention/reaction thing, zooble isnt going to give it to you, which kind of. ruins the point of it for you, and you just

stop, or at least tone it down over time

or maybe thats just me seeing zooble having the potential to be an older sibling figure

GANGLE:

the gif is gangle when you get your hands on her

i understand that she cries easily, but like, you have probably made her cry at least once either on accident or on purpose

i think shes one of the few characters out of the cast who would probably start avoiding you for the sake of her emotional state, but she would feel bad about it since at the end of the day you're a kid

refuses to go anywhere near you when her comedy mask is broken, because otherwise shes a glum mess

you know how in poppee the performer, kedamono's mask sometimes just. pops off when he gets scared or surprised (well it happens regardless of expression/mood but yk)

gangle does that when she sees you LITERALLY CRAWLING ON THE WALLS LIKE A BUG

how are you even doing that

she doesnt wanna know, actually

"imma tie you up double knotted style" *high pitched crying*

#tadc x reader #the amazing digital circus x reader #digital circus x reader #caine x reader #pomni x reader #jax x reader #ragatha x reader #kinger x reader #zooble x reader #gangle x reader

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elli3luvs · 1 year

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Can I please req hcs for Ellie w a Reader who needs a lot of reassurance like always asking “are you mad at me?” Because I am the most sensitive girl in the world I fear 🙁

a/n: so real im also so sensitive it's crazy idk how ive made it this long LMFAO

ellie is kinda rough around the edges there's no changing that

she tries, and i mean really tries, to be softer around you but during high stake times she can kinda snap

not really at you just more at the situation at hand

but being sensitive, you do not take it like that

it takes every fiber in your being to hold back the tears and keep the heavy feeling in your chest at bay

"you could've gotten killed! what would i have done without you, huh?" she rants as she walks out of a random abandoned building

you may have seen a clicker and tried to kill it without making a fuss

you didn't want to burden ellie as she was searching for supplies

but it didn't go down without a fight

thankfully ellie heard your screams from downstairs and ran to handle it

"i tried. i fought really hard," your voice is wobbling as the tears well up, "are you mad at me, els?"

you hear her sigh before she's turning back to look at you

her face softens at the pitiful look that's gracing your features

"no. i'm not mad," she reaches out and pulls you into her arms. you relax at the comforting feeling of her near you, "you scared the hell out of me though. don't know what i'd do without you."

shes rubbing her hands up and down your back in a soothing motion

the pit in your chest feels a bit lighter now that you know she's not angry

"i just wanted to feel like i could do it on my own." your voice is muffled by her shirt

you feel her shake her head, "you will never have to do it on your own, shouldn't have to. i'll always be here so lean on me."

ellie feels like crap every time she makes you sad

she works on it as much as she can

but she is also more than happy to give you the reassurance you need

nothing makes her happier than feeling you relax in her arms

#ellie williams imagine #ellie williams scenario #ellie williams fluff #ellie williams x you #ellie williams x reader #ellie headcanons

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just-some-random-blogger · 11 months

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Hiii 💜 could I request a Daemon x Reader fic? They are in an arranged marriage and it's their wedding night. Reader is quite shy and reserved (she's the total opposite of Daemon) and she is very nervous about having to spend time with him because she knows about his reputation all too well (and also what happened to his first wife, Lady Rhea Royce). So when they're all alone in their chambers she tries to delay the inevitable but he sees right through her. So they start to argue and in the midst of their discussion she tells him she's scared of him. He just chuckles and tells her that he was the one that asked her father for her hand with the approval of his brother, king Viserys. And maybe then some smut? Thank you so much, love!

Mourn Me

Daemon Targaryen x Reader

Summary: You were the daughter and only child of a wealthy Lord and Lady that had met misfortune during their travels. Falling under the ward of your aunt, she was so graciously set on allowing you to marry for love. However, you did not want that, you wanted Daemon Targaryen.

Word Count: 3k+

Warnings: fem!reader, smut (dub con, virgin!reader, first time awkwardness, fingering, vaginal penetration, oral [f receiving], praise kink, degradation kink, corruption kink, hair pulling), mentions of death, devious!daemon but you already knew that, fluff maybe, typos, etc.

A/N: folks MDNI im experiencing a crash and burn meaning i cant write anyfin⚰️ so i offer youz dis cos i will just be🧍 lurkin for a while. Anyway idk i had a hard time tryna convince myself that daemon would want an arranged marriage after rhea tbfh so i HAD to convince myself which means i took some liberties SO yeah. also i combined this with another req i have that's pretty similar hope yall like it. Tagging: @pinksirensong @aralezinspace @sloanexx @deniixlovezelda @targaryenmoony @risefallrise @slavyanskiyahui

I recall the day my father's brother died. It was a dreary, solemn day, and I had a vapid look upon my face. I felt for my uncle; indeed, it was quite sad that he passed, but I was not terribly close to him.

My father, I knew, was. This was why when he turned from me from over his shoulder, making it a point not to be inconspicuous, and made exaggerated cries in an attempt to make me laugh, that day truly felt sad to me.

My father cared more about how I felt than how he felt. The thought squeezed my heart.

And as I knelt upon the floor, before casket of my father and my mother, tears streaking my eyes, I realized no one in this world would ever do that for me again.

No one would ever swallow their sorrows in lieu of alleviating mine. Not my friends, not my cousins, not my servants, and especially not one of the men presented to me truly cared for my tears, not that way. I knew the acerb truth. They all wanted me for I was the door to my parents wealth.

I was by myself, on my own, and terribly lonely.

And it was not that the Lord of Fleabottom offered anything inverse to it, but I appreciated the fact his mere presence made the thick sea of avaricious men part.

Daemon Targaryen unabashedly eyes me as he hands a random man his cup and walks over. The moment he did, the lords surrounding me dissipated into thin air.

"I thought you would be better looking up close," he speaks once he is beside me.

I turn to him, eyes widening, "I beg your pardon."

"Well," he looks around, "you have all the lords in a riot," he leans towards me and inhales deeply.

I recoil in mortification when he does.

He pulls back with a smirk, "yet you smell like the rest of the ladies, and appear no fairer than them."

My lips part and my wide eyes blink slowly at his words. The prince does nothing. He does not even seem amused by my reaction, instead, he merely assesses me.

What am I? Cattle?

My face contorts and yet I do not get to chew at him, for he asks me abruptly, "what's gotten them so restless?"

I scoff and heave heavily. A loud fit of giggles from the women across the room snap me out of my angry state. Both Daemon and I turn, finding the women were glancing our way, clearly talking about us. I eye the long haired, uncouth ruffian, deciding it would be better if I simply walked away, rather than unleashing the fury that had been building up in me the whole day.

Daemon watches as I walk off. He raises a brow and purses his lip. He raises his voice, "you're a rude one, aren't you?"

I feel my eye twitch, and out of my dropped jaw comes a sound of annoyance. I clench my jaw tightly and strangle my skirts in my hands. I do not give him the satisfaction of turning back to him and head for the banquet to pour myself a cup of wine.

Regretfully, I am quickly hounded by lords left and right again before I can even finish my cup. It is deeply irritating, and though I mention to them I wanted a moment to drink on my own, none of them relent. All the attention draws back that of the prince's.

Once more, like clockwork, I watch as all the men flee the area upon catching sight of the roguish Targaryen making his way over.

This time, I note his deterring presence in the back of my head as I watch him march over to me. Daemon comes up to my side of the banquet. He is facing the opposite direction I am and pours himself a drink, "how do you find the wine, lady?"

I look at him, gobsmacked by his question. I scan the room, finding that the lords and ladies that were so readily coming at me moments ago, since the moment I arrived, were now finding it hard to even keep my gaze. I blink and turn to the man to my side, finding he was already looking back at me.

Daemon takes a sip of his drink.

"It's quite dry, and I think it's been sweetened with honey."

He chuckles as he draws his cup from his lips, "an astute observation," he turns around and looks out to the crowds, making everyone that was looking flinch and look away, "I heard the fool hosting this gaggle cannot stand the taste of sour wine and had all them sweetened-- stupid fuck."

I knit my brows at that and watch him take another sip, "yet you still drink."

Daemon tilts his head and licks his moistened lips, "better than nothing."

For a moment, we do nothing but stand next to each other and scan the room. During this time, I catch sight of my aunt, looking back at me with a wary and concerned expression. She motions with her head, wordlessly telling me to have my leave and go back to entertaining the lords.

I clench my jaw and sigh.

She meant well. If I there was anyone I could trust anyone, it was her, but she was too eager and persistent in marrying me off, in having it done. Yes, she was doing this for my sake. Yes, she was giving me the choice to marry who I please. But I'm exhausted. I'm worn like chalk on a wall. And, in fact, this was the most peace I've had in weeks. Just me, my thoughts-

I turn to my side and watch the man wince at the drink he still pointedly continues to subject himself to.

-and Daemon Targaryen.

I find myself in an interesting situation it seems.

I give my aunt one last look. Her wide eyes were practically screaming at me, though her lips were tightly pressed together. I look back to the prince. He looks back at me with an idle expression.

"Are you here to insult me further, my prince?"

Daemon knits his brows slightly, "insult you, have I? I merely speak plainly."

I do little to mask how my face contorts.

He lifts his cup to sip some more wine, but then changes his mind. He raises a finger from the hand which held it, "if I actually wanted to insult you, you'd be left in a fit of tears."

I release a small breath, "then consider me honored to have not been insulted by you, your grace."

"You don't sound too much it," Daemon sets his cup down, "methinks you should try again."

When Daemon's lilac eyes lock with mine, I hold his stare and ignore his words. I mutter, "if you are still curious as to why a gander of men are flocking toward me, then--"

"Oh no, Lord Barnaby over there already enlightened me of how handsome your inheritance is," he points then tents his hands in front of him, "in truth, I came here to spectate your championship, but the lecherous fucks have evaded my presence," he purses his lips in false thought, "odd, dont you think?"

I cannot help the faint, airy chuckle that leaves my mouth. I shake my head, "clearly, they are all intimidated by your presence."

"Yet," he looks off, "here you are, tall beside me."

I silently look at him for a moment, taking in the slope of his nose, and the cut of his cheek and jaw. I only turn away when he tilts his head and speaks, "do you know her?"

I turn to where he was looking and find my aunt staring back. She gives me another look and I immediately turn away, "she is my aunt."

He hums, "she too can keep my gaze," he turns to me, "color me impressed by the women of your house."

"She no longer belongs to my house."

He hums again, "and soon you no longer will belong to yours."

It was clear at this point, the prince now lost his interest in me and was about to walk away.

I don't let him.

"The lords have fled because they're intimated by the competition."

Daemon, about to walk off, stops himself before he even does. He looks at me and chuckles. He then eyes my body, "I am not interested in the game."

"I doubt they are interested in the game, your grace," I cross my arms, "they are only interested in my gold coffers."

I catch how his eyes land on my bosoms before landing back to my face. Daemon presses his lips into a line and shrugs, "then I'll leave you to finding the most interesting idiot you'd like to give offer your coffers and cunt to."

And though I cringe at his words and he manages a few steps away, I stop him yet again, "you, my prince."

Daemon stills. He takes a moment before turning back to me.

Once we catch each other's eyes, I speak out for good measure and relax my arms to my sides, "I... would interest you."

He looks at me with a darkened gaze. I could not exactly say what expression it was, but it made my stomach roll. He slowly steps forward, "so you enjoy insults?"

He steps again. "You did not insult me, my prince."

Another step, "didn't I?"

I, myself, step back when he presses closer than where he was a while ago, "n-no."

He hums, taking another step.

"Truly," my back hits the banquet table as Daemon invades my space. I shudder at his scent, warm like furnace fire and sweet like oranges, "rough as you are, you do only speak plainly."

Daemon only stops once there was but a step between us. His head is downturned and his eyes are upturned, "zūgagon hontes," scared bird.

I release a breath and manage the gall to push him away. He looks at my hand when it presses against his chest. He chuckles as he steps back, "you want to interest me, yet insult me yourself by calling me rough."

"I-"

He grabs my hand before I pull it away and drags me forward, "what would a little girl like you know of rough?" My heart is trapped in my throat when his calloused fingers begin to rub against my palms as he speaks, "aōha rāpa ondos emagon dōrī gaomagon rhinka mirre." Your soft hands have never done rough work.

I yank my hand away from him and he thoughtlessly releases me. He tilts his head, "what about me has gotten you interested?"

I rub my hands together and breathe deeply, "... your teeth."

"My teeth?"

I huff through my nose, "not a single person has come to interrupt us. Not even as you've pressed close and grabbed me."

Daemon raises his brows.

"I have been tirelessly pestered left and right with marriage proposals, only now have I known repose," I gulp, straightening up. "If I were to wed you, then my peace would be guaranteed."

He scoffs and rolls his eyes.

"I would only be pestered by you and your concerns, but never would I have to frolic with ladies I do not care for, not engage in pleasantries with lords that make my skin crawl."

He narrows his eyes and presses close to me again. I let him this time.

He does not hesitate and grabs me by the waist, pulling me flush against his chest untill my senses are bombarded by nothing but him. My heart is thundering in my chest.

"You take me a fool to believe that's all you could want from me?"

I let out a shaky breath, "like you, I only speak plainly."

He makes a sound. He lifts his hand and drags his knuckles down my face. My skin pricks with gooseflesh. I cannot help that my hands come up to his chest and push him back again. This time, he does not relent or release.

I begin to panic, "I am the last of my house, its undisputable inheritor. There are no male heirs, no alliances, none other than that which would be borne out of my marriage. I-I would belong to you, wholly. And I-" I squeak when he pushes me into the table, "I would--"

Daemon mutters, "you would never know peace as my bride, foolish girl. There would be not a moment were hankering pricks ceased picking at your being, at your every move. You would bare the weight of the kingdom's qualms on your shoulders," he releases me, "and from that you would never know respite."

I heave as he steps away, eyeing me hotly, still. I swallow a thick knot in my throat, "b-but you would stand in its way."

Daemon's face contorts.

"And from what I know of you, prince Daemon, that is assured. I cannot say that for any other lord I've met."

When he walked away from me that moment, I felt an immense crash of shame and regret wash over me. Truly, I was a fool for thinking one such as the Rogue Prince could ever be persuaded only by words.

And yet an even more immense crash washed up when Daemon Targaryen came to formally ask for my hand. Even now, as he's whisked me off in what I will forever know as our shared chambers in the Red Keep, I was unsure what exactly this emotion was inside me.

Hard as I tried, I could not help my bodily reactions to his touch. I could not mask my shivering or flinching as Daemon undid the ties of my dress from behind.

I could not help the way I shriveled up when he leaned into my shoulder and whispered hotly there something I did not understand.

As my skin pricks, he pushes me toward our bed and I obediently lie on my chest as he brings me down. I feel my heart pounding against the mattress as he rids of my shoes and rakes his fingers up my legs from beneath my skirt. I muffle my whimper.

"I asked if you regret your decision, timid thing."

I shake my head and pipe up, "no."

I feel Daemon's hand on the back of my thigh, hiking up my bum. He mutters, "are you quite certain?"

I let out an almost pained sound, "perhaps we can... do this a-another time."

He throws my skirt over and digs his fingers into my smallclothes, "and why would we do that? That's a terrible idea."

I press my legs as tightly together as I could when he begins to pull my garments down. At some point I begin to wrangle my legs against him. I offer, "we- we have not spoken much!"

He grabs my legs and yanks me toward him to prove a point, "I assure you, you need not speak at all. In fact, I doubt you'll be able to."

I feel my face burn.

Soon enough, he works on my dress again, and the next thing I know, I am lying rigidly on my back in nothing by my shift.

He chuckles softly with the sound of ruffling clothing, "will you not even offer me your assistance, poppet?"

I suck in a breath for courage and turn to him. He was already undoing his breeches, and his chest was already bare. I look to the ceiling, "you're able bodied enough, husband."

Daemon laughs.

I close my eyes when I feel the bed dip. My heart hammers all over again.

"Open your legs."

I clench my jaw and gulp heavily. I drag my feet up and part my legs below my knees, thighs very much clamped shut. He laughs again as I feel his hand bunch my remaining clothes up to my hips. Daemon says, "you'll find I quite enjoy toughing it out."

When his hands press on my knees, I decide not to fight him when he pushes them apart. I feel him maneuver in between my limbs, "good girl."

He wraps my legs around him and comes upon me, sinking down to my neck to plant kisses there. Instinctively, my arms warp around him and my fingers dig into his frim flesh. I whimper manically when he ruts into me.

I did not anticipate that his kisses would trail down my body. By the time he reached my navel and his hands were practically prying my thighs apart, I grab at his hair and tug him up, "what are you doing?!"

My stomach rolls when he looks up at me and states, "you wouldn't survive if I roughed it out before I did this."

I don't get to reply as my words are pulverized into a yelp when I feel his fingers come to my pulsing core, "D-Daemon, what-"

"Shhh," he continues his descent as his fingers work into me, "your body knows what I am doing."

Daemon amuses himself with the sounds he gets from moving his fingers in and out of the wetness before him. "A crying virgin, you are," he notes. He laps at my weeping center. I whine at his burning hot breath when he speaks, "so dripping wet for nothing," he smirks, "so wet for me."

His motions feel deliberately as though he was stretching me out. And for every move he made, my voice and thighs react. He keeps me open with the weight of his arms pressing down on me. The sensation of his mouth and fingers leave me a shaking, whimpering mess.

I grip on his hair for dear life, and yet it does not even occur to me that I could be hurting him. I don't think I care, to be honest.

The only thing I get out of Daemon are a couple of grunts and many hot huffs.

The sound of me being worked on by him is absolutely obscene. And soon enough, my cries exceed that level of obscenity when I crumble into a rubble of throaty breaths and shivering pleasure. The feeling was nothing like I've ever felt before and it was mind breaking.

I tense tightly as croak at the delicious feeling coursing through me. My nails dig into his scalp. My thighs begin to shake.

Once I am out of breath and reeling, Daemon lifts his head and nips at my flesh, making my toes curl, "such an easy prize, aren't you? Barely took a second."

I dare to pry my screwed eyes open as my husband crawls over me and brings my shift up along with him. Helplessly, and rather deliriously, I lift up my hands and let him finally strip me naked. He throws my clothes off to the side and looms over my face, "how was that?"

I look up at him and, even with the haze in my mind, find embarrassment in how... how sloppy his face looked, gleaming under the dim lit room. I find myself unable to move.

He smirks and, sequentially, chuckles, "I told you so," he grabs my thighs, "not even a sound from my doe. Finger fucked silly."

A great many sounds do leave me when I feel a hard intrusion push into my tender folds. My breath catches in my throat and, by my ear, he whispers a string of curses. Daemon begins to slowly rock his hips, easing slowly but deeply into me.

"Daemon," I whine, arms clutching him tightly against me. He pushes my legs to my sides, folding me into such a vulnerable position. It gives him complete access to me d as he moves, he knocks into a nerve that makes my eyes roll back. The sounds that leave me become louder and deeper.

"Mmm, fuck, such a hot, little cunt," he hisses, "so soft," he harshly kneads my flesh, "my tight fuck pillow," he grunts, "hope you don't regret it."

Daemon's mouth finds mine, and the tangy taste all over his tongue and lips make my stomach coil in indescribable ways. My nails helplessly dig into the taunt base of his working spine. He groans into our kiss and moves faster.

I pull away from him, in desperate need for air and feel myself grow wetter and wetter all over, especially between my thighs.

"Tell me. Do you regret this? Would you have rather were talked like you wanted? Shall I pull out and stop fucking my stupid little wife?"

Daemon's hand finds my cheek and his thumb smears the slickness on my parted lips.

Much to both his enjoyment and annoyance, he receives no reply from me, and the only sound that ripples into the room is that of slapping skin and gutteral moans.

He drags the skin on my cheek back with his palm, "gonna need an answer, pretty girl, or else I'll fucking stop."

Hearing that and feeling him slow makes me sentient. I tighten my arms around him and rapidly shake my head as I desperately respond, "no. I don't- don't regret it. Pleasedonstop."

Daemon's ego is stroked and his thrusts pick up the pace.

The rapid shift of him barely being there to being filled to the hilt makes the corner of my eyes prick with water.

I call out his name and he dutifully hums, "mmm, shall I stop?"

"No! Please-"

"And why shouldn't I?" he growls, as if in anger, as if threatening to stop, though, in truth, his motions do not slow at all.

I cannot for the life of me think of a reason, nor can I even think, to be honest. Instead, I latch onto his shoulder, biting, kissing, and muffling my noises.

Daemon leans into me and answers himself, "s'it because I should take care of my things, hmm?" He pants, "you belong to me, don't you?"

"Yes, Dae- yes, yes, ye-"

He drags out a hum, "oh, I'd be so sorry to break my pretty thing, wouldn't I? So sorry to break you," he chuckles lowly, "shall I take care of you, sweetheart?"

I squeak, "mmm, please. Pleassse"

"Such good manners," he sighs, "so well-bred. So willing to be bred."

The second wave of pleasure that comes upon me is far more intense and far more tiring than the first. I practically stop breathing as I convulse around him. I squeeze him so tightly with both my arms, my legs, and my cunt that I possibly empty the air out of his lungs as well.

I call out his name as I shatter beneath him.

Eventually, his persistent movements relent as he, too, quakes, and sequentially lays heavily above me, catching his breath just like I was.

As my pulse thuds, and as I feel his thudding, both against my chest and in my womb, I begin to stroke his back gently, relishing in the feel of him, his hotness, his scent. I think about what he asked, if I regret this. I release a deep breath. Certainly, in this moment, there was not a lick of regret or doubt in me with him.

My eyelids are as heavy as my breathing. If this would be what's it's like to be his wife, to love him, then there would never be an inch of regret in me.

I vaguely feel Daemon kiss my jaw before rolling off.

#daemon fanfic #daemon targaryen x reader #daemon targaryen #daemon x reader #daemon targaryen fanfic #daemon smut #daemon targaryen smut #daemon fluff #daemon targaryen fluff

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adhdtsukasa · 17 days

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i love every relationship in wxs, obviously, they're frequently bought together do not separate and i can't imagine looking at them without acknowledging that they were all equally important im each other's development, but if i had to pick my favorite, then it would be emukasa. wihout doubt. there is something special about emukasa that makes me slam my head onto wall everyday

not even in a shipping sense, i don't even quite literally ship them outside of polysho — i just think that their friendship is something so precious, a special thing that needs to be hold gently, or else it makes my heart ache. they care for each other. all of wxs do, and this is a fact. but when i think about how emu and tsukasa do so, it stings even more.

the way they started as a weird girl and a boy who tries his best to not lose his shit (or break his spine, according to the main story animation. yes i still think about it on daily basis) dealing with her — and the way they're best friends now, laughing together, crying together, getting mad togther. the way emu was so scared of tsukasa leaving her in amidst a dream, but still wished to support his dreams, because he matters to her so much. the way they were both crying and making fun of each other for it in our happy ending, so the other wouldn't feel so sad. the way it's tsukasa who invites emu to start a new story together in kirapipi★kirapika, just like she has invited him to their first one, to forming wxs together. all these details and moments in their relationship, revealing the bond that they've created.

yes, there are wxs ships i like better, but none of them just hits the way emukasa does. i don't want them to be kissing. i just want them to hold hands and keep on being best friends together, making me cry over them everday.

idk man i just think that everyone should think about emukasa sometimes

#project sekai #pjsk #prsk #emu otori #emukasa #kasaemu #ri says things the tag #this is another of the posts that serve no purpose besides me wanting to cry about my favs. bear with me.#retag because i just realized i spelled it wrong.#also #tsukasa tenma #tsukaemu #i just remembered how their shipname is called in reverse LOL

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1427 · 2 months

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When the Levee Breaks (pt. 5)

Daryl Dixon x OFC

Story Summary: The one in which a stripper that used to know Merle and Daryl shows up at the Atlanta camp. Daryl’s feelings are complicated but mostly he hates her, right?

Chapt Setting: The Farm/Woods

Chapt Warnings: pretty explicit drug use (meth), season 2 Daryl, degrading/sexist language (he’s starting to get better lol), SOPHIA CHAPTER (I think that deserves a warning)

Word Count: 2.7k

A/N: Daryl’s POV story. Daryl’s starting to be less of a dick, trying really hard to make it feel organic/make it make sense in the story. Idk. This chapter was really rough to write because… it made me sad. Also have no idea if it even makes sense (the hallucination bit, really hope it does) lol ALSO; I looked up some timeline stuff and i just?? Really thought Daryl was out there for days on his own? But apparently he wasn’t? We’re just gonna say that he is in this story. 🤷🏼‍♀️ I can only do so much when the timeline of TWD is fucking stupid sometimes. (I mean it. Come for me. Idc. Rick was in a coma for 59 days without food or water???!?!!!? Bye)

masterlist

17+ mdni (no smut in this one tho sorry)

Like fiberglass in my veins, it tears through me. Mellow, at first, almost think I should rail more before I can feel myself sweatin’. Different kinda sweat, comin’ from my fuckin’ soul.

Haven’t felt like I was doin’ something ‘wrong’ since I was little. That feeling that ch’ya get when you’re doin’ somethin’ ya know you’re not s’possed to. This ain’t the first time I done spazz, but maybe it’ll be the last. The anxiety about doin’ it goes away the second I feel the devil kick me through my nose to the back of my brain. Even though I know it’s comin’, it always feels like gettin’ skullfucked by satan.

Been out here for a day. I brought Merle’s shit with me because I decided to finally get rid of it somewhere. But I got somethin’ that needs doin’. And anyway, I got years of experience with ice. Not doin’ it. Sometimes doin’ it. Never let Merle know, he’d’ve made some big whoop ‘bout it. And everytime he’d gone and done more than he remembered, he woulda blamed me. Shit though, sometimes it was.

M’not like Merle and Beatle. Ain’t an addict. Can do shit and put it down. Always been able to put it down. Figured other people could too, that they just didn’t wanna. ‘m not sure, but still kinda think that.

Never felt fuckin’ guilty about it before, though. Fuckin’ Beatle. I’unno if it’s cuz I’d be done with her if she did the same shit, or if it’s cuz I know if she knew that I was - she’d be mad at me. Mad I didn’t invite ‘er.

But this shit ain’t for fuckin’ playtime. Only reason ‘m even doin’ it i’so I can find Sophia. So I can stay awake, focus, and get ‘er back. They use ta use this shit in war. War’s the reason methamphetamines even exist. Nazi’s? Hell, every single one of ‘em in WWII. Kamikazi’s loaded up, totally fuckin’ wasted outta their minds on crystal while they bolted ‘em in. Kept ‘em awake, kept ‘em happy, kept ‘em focused on the mission. Tha’s what I gotta do.

I can’t stop lookin’ til I find ‘er. Sophia. ‘m the only one that can, only one that knows how. And anymore, ‘m the only one that seems to give a shit. ‘Sides Carol. And Beatle. She wanted ta come. Told her she’d only slow me down. Distract me. Drawn more geeks. She woulda. Told her I didn’t need food either but she packed me some anyway. Knew I wasn’t gonna be hungry. Knew I was gonna use this dumb shit to help. But whatever.

Doesn’t matter what happens to me, right? My life’s not worth nothin’, not compared to that little girl. Now that her old man’s outta the picture she actually got a chance. Maybe not mucha one, not the way shit is these days. But she got ‘er mom. And ‘er mom can actually be ‘er mom now. Not scared of some piece’a shit prick that finally got what was comin’ to ‘im.

Man fuck that guy.

The trail I’m followin’ disappears so I backtrack to the mangroves where I found her doll and try to find another one.

I start to wonder what kinda old man Beatle had. What kinda mom? Startin’ ta realize I don’t know a damn thing about Beatle. I know she likes drinkin’, she likes laughin’, she likes fuckin’ with me. But…

Beatle keeps surprisin’ me. Not just because she let me hump her face a few days ago, the fact that she liked it, shit I haven’t even had a second to process that. Nah, more cuz she hasn’t brought it up. Hasn’t tried to hold my hand again. Hasn’t been annoyin’ me nearly as much. Not even at all, if ‘m honest.

My brain’s goin’ a million miles a fuckin’ second over Beatle and what happened between us. Not just the other night, but back then. Got questions that need answerin’ but she ain’t here. Try to keep myself occupied with trackin’ but it ain’t like trackin’ takes much thinkin’. Follow every trail I pick up, but none of ‘em lead me to Sophia.

I’d prob’ly start gettin’ really frustrated about this, but that’s what crystals good for. All the dopamine I need, and nothin’s annoyin’. Focus.

✨🏹

Bent branches, wilted leaves, mud impressions, walker guts. Trees and rocks and blood and mud and dirt and greens and browns and reds and blacks. And it’s dark and it’s light and it’s dark. And it smells fuckin’ rotten. Bent branches, wilted leaves, another trail, another dead end, another undead shithead. Bent branches, wilted leaves, mud impressions, Beatle.

How many times did I go into Merle’s bag and take the devils dick up my nose? Cuz Beatle’s standin’ here right in front of me. ‘Cept she’s all done up in makeup and glitter and her pupils are the size of dimes. Little pink crop top, tiniest pair’a daisy dukes I ever seen. ‘n she’s in my face sayin’ the shit I been thinkin’ about her sayin’ since that day she said it.

“I like you, Dar.”

“You like bein’ fucked up more.” I say it like I said it the last time.

“That’s not true! I mean - I like you, Daryl.” She steps closer, tries to put her hand on my cheek before I brush her off. She slumps back a little, turning away. “You like me, too. You said it.”

My hearts in my fuckin’ throat and I’m standin’ there, this can’t be fuckin’ happening. I know is’not but doesn’t make it feel any less real. “Tha’ was before I really knew ya, Beatle.”

Hate that I said that to ‘er. Did I really say that? Cuz maybe that’s how I felt. Hell, maybe that’s how I felt last week. But it ain’t fair. I don’t know her. Still. Now. Don’t know ‘er at all. Thought I did. Thought I understood what kinda girl did those kindsa things. Is that really what I said? Fuck.

She’s still turned away from me, but I walk the half circle around to look at her face. And she’s sobbing. Silently, trying to stay as still as possible. I… I don’t remember this part. Maybe I didn’t see it? Nah, I saw it. Just didn’t care. Didn’t wanna look at ‘er. Didn’t want to hear her lame ass confession. Especially after she’d brought up that I told ‘er I liked ‘er. She sniffles and wipes her face before she pulls a bubble pipe out of the waistband of her shorts and lights the bottom, starts smokin’ it. She asks if I want a hit, like last time.

I go to say no, but the words don’t come out. Instead my hand reaches for it. I look back up and Beatle’s dressed all different. Baggy jeans and a bikini top. That night. Fuck. Shit. I don’t want to relive that night.

“I promise, I won’t tell Merle.” She says, handing me her lighter. And I smoke it. Inhaling the vapor slowly like she had. “You gotta sip at it, like it’s a coffee and you’re drinking the air to see if it’s still too hot. Roll the bowl or it will burn.” I do it the way she says. She’s like ten years younger than me, but she looks at me - talks to me like it don’t matter. Like she don’t see it that way. Guess I don’t either, never really did.

I’d never wanted to smoke it before. But that night I wanted to. With her. Woulda done anything she’d asked that night ‘fore she ruined it. I ruined it. Til it got all fucked up an’ it was never the same again. Not the way I saw her, not the way she looked at me.

I’m goin’ through memories like they’re happening all over again. Feelin’ fuckin’ sick. I don’t wanna remember this.

I hand the pipe back to her and she asks, “How do you feel?”

“Fine.”

“Just fine?” She smiles.

“Good.” I clarify.

“Good.”

Don’t say it. Don’t say it. Don’t say it. “I think I like you, Beatle.”

She laughs too hard, “you think?” I feel myself getting sicker and angry again all at once.

I split in half. One half feelin’ those same feelings I felt. That this conceited fuckin’ bitch really acts like everyone likes her. I hear her words and it sounds like she’s sayin’ ‘well obviously’ - but the other halfa me hears it like a real question. Like she wanted ta know what I meant. I don’t remember how I responded then, but I can hear myself say it, “Self-obsessed cunt.”

Beatle laughs, “Is that what you like about me?”

My misunderstanding continues; Thought she was pickin’ on me. Makin’ funna me. All these years. All this time. Thought she was fuckin’ laughin’ at me. Never told a girl I liked her. Not that I never did like one, just never told ‘em. Not like some teenage fuckin’ confessional. And I do and what? she just laughs.

Shit.

Cuz inside ‘m screaming. Screamin’ at myself ta say somethin’ different. To jus’ tell her. She’s special, she’s exciting, and when she smiles at the shit I say it makes me feel like I’m the only one in the fuckin’ world to her. Tha’s what she wants ta here. Tha’s why she’s askin’.

“Nah. Forget it.” She nods, and I thought she did forget it. She forgot until she brings it up again in the memory I already re-lived.

Tha’s how I was so damn sure she didn’t give a single shit about if I liked her or not. Didn’t bring it up again for months. Didn’t give a single shit about me at all. Felt stupid for ever thinkin’ she might. Just a dumb crush on a dumb girl, and I forgot everything about it. An’ every little thing she did that made me like ‘er ended up as somethin’ else I hated. And every time I saw her after that she was fucked up on somethin’. Meth or booze or weed. Usually all three.

It comes at me like a fuckin’ freight train, her lips crashing into mine, but this time I want it. Don’t wanna stop kissin’ ‘er. Instead my arms move and I push her down to the ground. She’s wearing the crop top again, can tell she’d been cryin’. She’s layin’ there in the rocks lookin’ up at me and I flash back to the living room where this happened, where she’d told me she liked me back. I wanna beat the shit outta myself for makin’ her look like that.

How didn’t I see it?

I did see it. I just didn’t care. Thought I knew what kinda girl did those kinds’a things.

Wonderin’ what kind of old man she had. What kinda boyfriends before she met me. How maybe she’s just as fuckin’ scared’a feelin’ stuff as I am. How maybe it took her months to even get up the courage to tell me after I’d told ‘er never mind and slowly started to hate her. How many’a those drinks were for courage? How many’a those hits were cuz she was nervous?

Shit.

And she’s runnin’ away like she did then. Away from me an’ outta my life until a few weeks ago. I know it ain’t real but I run after her anyway. Screamin’ her name into the open air like maybe somehow I can change it if I can get her to come back. But she’s gone and ‘m still running tryin’ to find her. Screaming for her ‘til my throats hoarse.

‘Til the walkers hear me.

✨🏹

Andrea fuckin’ shot me. What is wrong with this fuckin’ group?

✨🏹

Beatle’s in the bedroom with me but I can’t look at ‘er. Don’t wanna. Feels like she knows what I was doin’ out in them woods without ‘er. Like she can see the dirty shit in my soul and for some reason it makes me ill. Can’t look at ‘er. Knowin’ I hurt ‘er like that all that time ago. Knowin’ it now like I ain’t ever known anything else.

It’s just me ‘n her and she doesn’t try to talk to me. Just lets me lay there hatin’ myself for all of it. Didn’t even find Sophia.

Spent a lot of my days in my life hatin’ myself. Thinkin’ I was good for nothin’. Now ‘m sure of it.

I feel the bed move under the weight of her. She hugs herself around me, and like some pathetic kid I fuckin’ cry. Don’t know if she can tell or not but she tries comforting me anyway. “It’s okay, Dar. You did your best.” Her voice… how could I have ever thought it was annoying? Her bein’ so nice just makes me hate myself more.

“Lea‘me alone, Beatle.” Shakin’ her arm out from around me. She gets off the bed and sits back in the chair she’d been in. God, I fuckin’ hate myself. Wanna scream No, come back. I didn’t mean it.

Still got question’s that need answerin’. This time Beatles right here, and I ain’t got nothin’ to lose. “Why were you naked in Merle’s room?” Grateful that she’s sittin’ behind me. Don’t think I could talk to ‘er ‘bout this stuff if she was lookin’ at me. Right now? If I saw her face? Don’t think I could talk at all.

She laughs. Fuck her stupid fuckin’ laugh. “I still can’t believe you think I fucked around with Merle.”

“Why not? Y’all hung out every other day.” My voice is sharp, feels like she’s laughin’ at me again. Always feels like everyone’s laughin’ at me.

“We all hung out every other day, Dar.”

“Stop callin’ me tha’.”

“I was carpet surfing. Your dumbass brother spilled all the schkag all over the damn place.”

Oh…. But, “Ya didn’t have any clothes on.”

“I never had any clothes on, Daryl. You sure I wasn’t just wearing something ‘slutty’? You know, like you always said I was? Cuz I don’t remember, but I’ve never been naked with Merle. Ever. Sounds fuckin’ gross.”

Oh.

It made sense. Makes so much sense, ‘specially now. She keeps talkin’ an’ ‘m grateful cuz if I tried to say anything else I’d start fuckin’ cryin’ again. “I liked you, man. I…” she stops herself. Wanna beg her to keep goin’ but I can’t.

Instead I ask ‘er the only question I got left, “Why’d ya leave, then? Ya left ‘n ya never came back.”

She’s silent for a long time. “When you and Merle moved, where’d you go?”

She did come back.

“Why’d ya leave, Beatle?” Doesn’t matter where Merle and I went. She’s avoidin’ the question.

“Got sober. After that night… with you. Wanted to get sober. Wanted to…” she don’t say the rest but she don’t need to. I got it. Fuck, my heart can’t take it.

“Cuz I said ya liked gettin’ fucked up more than ya liked me.” It ain’t a question. I know.

“Think it was more the other thing you said.”

Tha’ was before I really knew ya, Beatle. I can still taste the words. “Shouldn’t’a said that to ya.” My voice is barely a whisper.

She gets back up on the bed and puts her arm around me again, this time I don’t shake her away. Her voice, so close to my ear, “I didn’t want to tell you that I came back. I didn’t want you to know that I got sober for you.”

What? “Why not?”

“Wasn’t sure you’d care. And if you did… I didn’t want you to have all the what-ifs in your head that I have in mine.”

She hugs herself into me so tight it’s hard to breathe, and she tells me, “It doesn’t matter anymore.”

I feel guilty, can’t take any of that back. Can’t make any of it better. I don’t deserve this. Her. After all the nasty shit I ever thought about her. After what I did to her the other night. I can’t bring myself to tell her to leave cuz I know she wants to be here. Don’t wanna make her cry again.

So I let her hold me. Even though I don’t fuckin’ deserve it.

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