#and i'm fucked

[dumplingsjinson]

Okay so a LOT happened today. This is going to be a mess, so yeah, just a heads up!

TL;DR at the very bottom, like always.

One thing before I start: Even after all of this has happened, there’s a part of me that wonders if he likes me or not but it’s definitely solidified the fact that I like him 😂

On with it!

So I met up with him at the train station, and we went to one of the art galleries located 10 minutes away from the station. Nothing much really happened here. We hugged as a way of greeting and I held back on kissing him because I didn't want to startle him, and I also wasn't sure if he'd be okay with it. I did link arms with him and shit during the start of it but eventually let go.

Anyway, we were in the city for probably an hour before we hopped on the train (I was leaning on him and everything during the ride because I was tired lol), then changed to the metro, then got to his car so he could drive us back to his suburb.

We walked around the shopping centre for like, an hour. While we were on the escalators, we would like... Lean against each other and shit; doing shit couples do. At one point, he was placing his chin on my shoulder and had his hand on my waist and I was like OMGREONGKNREG.

(Funny thing about this: his mother was also at the shopping centre, because he saw her car parked near his, and he called her about it. All I heard was him repeating my name over and over again after she asked him who he was with. He didn't address me as a friend to her, just like how he didn't address me as a friend to his other family members the last time I went to his house so like... Oop. Good sign, perhaps? I never saw her at the shopping centre, but when we got to his home, she was just pulling out of the driveway to go to a party. So I met her for like... Five seconds lmfao.)

Anyway, the house was empty. Everyone's gone. I was in his living room lounging around for a bit, and then like... 10-15 minutes of me being there, he invited me up to his room and this is where things get... Interesting.

Things after this are going to be a bit out of order lol, I'm writing them as they come to me.

We were lying on his bed and he was all snuggled against me (keep in mind, his bed is a single bed so it's quite a tight fit for two people, and it means we kinda need to be pressed up against each other so the person who's on the outer side doesn't fall off the bed lmfao). He was telling me stories about his life, I was telling him stories about my life, he told me about his exes (he's been in two relos before: first one was for 2 years, second one was for 3 years. Been like... Two years since he's been in a relo since lol, or least a serious/long term one afaik). He ended up telling me about his exes because I was kinda asking him, "So do you do this with other people?" (the cuddling and kisses on the face and stuff) just to like, see where he was at with all of this, which lead to him being like, "No, unless we're talking about exes".

I ended up telling him how I've never been in a relo before (since he asked) and have only started using these dating apps seriously at the start of this year, and that I never really met anyone interesting and then he was all like, "Until you met me." LIKE. DAMN BOI. OKAY. I SEE HOW IT IS.

He was kissing me on the face every now and then, and at one point he asked “Can I kiss you?" and I non-verbally say yes, so he leaned in and kissed me and I'm just- LEKNFEKLWNF. I wanted this so bad, and it's finally happened! (This is the first and last time of him asking me that lmfao - every other time after this is him kissing me unabashedly and me kissing back. The first time he tried to make out with me, I kinda pushed him away because I wasn't feeling it too much, but after that I was like... Fuck it. I want this. I want him in whatever way I can have him. I caved really bad lmfaoooo.)

He was telling me how I smell good (my perfume is winning me points!), and I was like "you smell good too" because fuck me, he really does smell so good wlfknewklfn.

He kept calling me cute/adorable while cuddling up against me.

I'm wearing something deemed kinda hot for a day like today (I thought it was going to be cold but I guess not), and so he asked me "You sure you don't want to take that off? Or you could wear one of my shirts instead?" and I'm like UH NO IT'S FINE LWKENFLWEKNFKLN. I literally only had my singlet on under that shirt, and I also didn't really want to change lmfao.

At one point, we napped a bit; we woke up and ended up switching positions. I'm on the outside of the bed and he's on the inside.

More cuddling ensued. And when I say cuddling, he was like... Literally pressing up against me. You know the "bodies pressed flushed against each other" type of scenario? Yeah, that. Our legs were entangled, he was combing his fingers through my hair, he kissed me every now and then: all over my face, on my lips. (At one point, he was literally on top of me while we were making out, and that was when he started peeling back my turtleneck and trailing kisses down my jaw, then down to my neck LAKEJNFEWJKLNFEKLNF. And I was like "please don't leave any marks" LMFAOOOO. And yeah, he just kept doing that over and over again. At one point I wanted to be like “Can you kiss my neck more” BUT I WAS TOO SHY SJDKDK).

Told me, and I quote, "I could kiss you forever." So yeah. I'm just going to fucking combust somewhere, thank you!

He continued to call me adorable and cute, and I'm out here being like "stop lying, I'm not cute or adorable" and he's like "I'm not lying. You are adorable." We're like basically bantering every now and again lmao, and I end up calling him adorable at one point because he kinda is tbh.

But anyway, he was all like "you're so soft" and "you're so warm and cuddly" and "you're so cozy" and I'm just l;kJEWLKFNWEKLNF plEASEEEE I LIKE HIM SO MUCH LMFAO AND HIM SAYING ALL OF THAT IS NOT HELPING MY CASE.

He continuously checked on me to make sure I'm okay with him doing all of this, which I honestly really appreciate because it's just so like... Sweet? Told me if he's being too much then to let him know. And honestly, he wasn’t. He was being just right. I loved every bit of what he was doing to/with me, not even gonna lie. So I let him know I was okay with this, and that I was comfy with what he was doing.

We both were are being really clingy with each other, and were teasing each other about it and shit HAHA.

During all of this, he slipped in a, "So where are we going for the next date?" SKGNLWNKN. SOOOOO. I guess we're dating? (As much as I wanted to ask what exactly we were while we were all snuggled up against each other, I think I'll save that for after another few dates lmao.) At one point, when I had my head on his chest, I could hear his heart beating so fast, and when I asked, "Are you okay? You nervous?" he's like "I'm fine. Pretty sure that's the normal heart rate" so I'm all like "Yeeeeah, sureeeeee. Whatever you say." (My heart rate was through the roof, I checked my Apple Watch for my heart rate while he went to the bathroom and... Yeah. It told me everything I needed to know. I could practically feel it beating out of my chest and I was hoping he wasn't able to hear it wlkfnekwlnf).

AND OH GODDWELKFNWEKN at one point, he told me "Try kissing my neck. If not, I'm going to kiss your neck" and I was like "You're saying this like you haven't been kissing my neck already" LMFAOOO.

We dozed off every now and again while snuggled up against each other, and when we woke up, we'd cuddle some more. I had my leg over him and everything, much like a koala, and he was slotting his thigh between my legs and everything. Just... Pressed up against each other. Big spooning me at one point. Back hugging me. The lot. I was DYING the whole time.

All I can say is that this man got so fucking comfortable with me, and I loved every bit of it. That's how fucked I am.

Did I mention how he kept telling me I should stay the night? And I kept saying "I want to but I can't." Like, just before I left he was like "Are you sure you don't want to stay the night?" ELWKNFEKLWN He wanted me to stay the night so bad, and I wanted to stay the night so bad (and I let him know, saying shit like "I want to so bad but I can't" and "I don't want to leave but I have to" because if I didn't, my parents would most definitely kill me lmao).

The first time he asked me that and I said no, he was like "Maybe next time", but then he kept asking me again after that anyway LMAO. I was kinda fuelling him on since I flip flopped between "Maybe I should stay" and "But nah."

And oh GoddddDDD, I was like "I won't see you again for a bit because of how busy you're going to be for the next few weeks" and he was all like "Yeah, so let's cherish this moment."

And yeah... At one point, I told him "I wanna stay here tonight because I know I'm gonna miss you once I leave but I gotta go home". So uh. Basically a confession and a half on my part LMAO.

Who knew clingy me was also very unfiltered? Though I will say, there were other things I wanted to say to/tell/ask him but I kinda held back lol.

I also was like "You're going to have to teach me a lot of things" and he was like "So what do you want me to teach you?" and I got all flustered because of that EVEN THOUGH I WAS THE ONE WHO FUCKING MENTIONED IT LWEFNKLEWN.

And I also asked if I was too boring (since we were just laying there and cuddling and shit and I wasn't really initiating much LMFAO) and he was like, "No you're not."

And oh yeah, he also asked if I was feeling shy in a playful manner and I just ran with it and used it as an excuse whenever I didn't want to do something with him lmfao. He was never pushy about the things I didn’t want to do, though, and he really did stick to the, "Don't worry, we can take things slow."

AND JEJDKS his dad came home after work with pizza and I didn’t end up going down to eat anything because I wasn’t hungry, so I didn’t meet his dad… And then just as we were leaving the house so he can drive me home, I see his dad in the newly bought massage chair, sleeping away and I was like OOP-

Thank God none of his family saw me with messy fucking hair because that would have been bad 💀💀

He drove me home after that, I hugged him good night and kissed him, told him to message me when he got back home, and yeah. He messaged me and goes “can’t wait to cuddle more 🥰” or something like that, and I replied with “sameeee. I’m always down for some cuddles” 😭😭😭

So yeah. We basically spent the whole day cuddling. He kept kissing me all over the face. He kept calling me cute/adorable and cozy and comfortable and LKNEWKLFN. Complimented me and shit ahaha. We spent our sweet time kissing again and again and again lksnfewnf. We were just very, very affectionate with each other (I told him that he was very affectionate and cuddly and he was like “anything wrong with that?” and I was like “nope. I like it that way, at least with you” and he was like “I’m glad.” I let him know time and time again I'm new to this, and he kept reassuring me about it. I was all like "I'm not familiar with this" and he was basically like "Well, get familiar with it because I'm going to be doing this a lot."

AND YEAH. THAT'S BASICALLY WHAT HAPPENED. This recount is all over the place because I'm writing everything down as they come back to me rather than having the events be in order; everything has kind of blurred together lol, and some things aren't said verbatim.

TL;DR: We went out, then we went back to his home and spent like... 5-6 hours just cuddling in his bed before he drove me home. We made out so many fucking times, to the point where I've basically lost count on how many times we did that, he was whispering sweet nothings to me, he kept playing with my hair, he kissed me all over my face, kept pecking me on my lips, he was trailing kisses down my jaw and my neck, he didn't want me to go home, we were bantering here and there AND I think he wants a fourth date... So. Yeah.

#long post #personal #love life rambles #so yeah that's where we're at #and i'm fucked #cat guy chronicles

[murderoushagthesequel]

*sigh*

regretting all my life decisions

#idk how to tell you all idk how to spell decisions #i would be dead without autocorrect #until they can't recognize my word #and i'm fucked #2000 posts #tumblr milestone

[buddydolly]

I'll be like "I swear to god dude I'm losing my fucking mind I can't take this shit anymore I'm gonna—" feeling like I need to be institutionalized and studied and shit and then just cry for a week and rot in my bed and continue to take it because that's fucking life I guess what other choice do I have

#buddydolly #I might have pmdd #at any rate I think there's just something deeply irreparably and irreversibly wrong with me #and I'm fucked #I'm just fucked #it's not going to get better until I go through menopause or fucking die I don't think #so. cool.

[monsoon-of-art]

#I'm serious stop doing it #theyre scraping fanfics and other authors writing #'oh but i wanna rp with my favs' then learn to write #studios wanna use ai to put writers AND artists out of business stop feeding the fucking machine!!!!

[lastoneout]

Ya know when people told me "when you're finally safe enough that you can leave survival mode and start to let go of and process your c-ptsd/trauma things are probably going to get really, really bad before they slowly start to get better" I thought that was reasonable. I did not understand that by "things are going to get bad" they meant "you're going to find yourself in the worst mental state of your entire life, but dw, that means it's working" and tbh I simply wish someone had been more clear.

Edit: If everyone could please take a minute and think about what it must feel like to be struggling and then have multiple strangers say to your face that they find the prospect of going through what you're going through so horrifying that they'd rather kill themselves and then stop leaving comments like that I would greatly appreciate it.

#hply fuck y'all I haven't felt like this?? ever??? #tryinf to be gentle with myself #but I truly feel like I'm made of glass #personal #negative #vent #cw suicide mention #ask to tag

[ohnoaname]

So LGBTQ+ is now completely illegal in Russia. I wonder if anyone going to talk about that. I'm so tired

#I'm an extremist now) #yay #fuck this country honestly #russia #news #lgbtqia #lgbt #ohnotalking

[nouverx]

"I want to eat you" is their love language and you can't change my mind

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel fanart #hazbin alastor #hazbin rosie #radiorose #alastor #my art #autodesk sketchbook #they are so freaky they must have so many fucked up conversations like that I just know it #it's their weird way of “flirting” yk what I mean #I headcanon that Alastor HATES burgers and fast food in general ik it's very specific #my artstyle is so inconsistent ahah I'm experimenting don't mind me

[dazzlerazz]

Screw terfs n all but are you normal about transgirls who don't want to medically transition? Are you normal about transguys with boobs who don't wear binders? Are you normal about the trans people who only want to socially transition because that's what's right for them? Are you normal about the transgirls with beards? Are you normal about the transguys who love their curves? Screw terfs, but are you normal about trans people?

Important Edit!!!!!

I don't mean to piggyback off of the success of this post but

A trans person is in need of your financial help

My friend @the-fab-fox is struggling and is in need of help

If you can, please consider donating to him, lord knows he needs it right now

Finley is at risk of losing his living situation, vet bills piling up, and much more

Please consider donating to his fundraiser (linked below) or donating via PayPal ([email protected]) with a note that it's for the GoFundMe

Edit 2

Thank you for those who have donated so far, it means the world to him and to me!

If you could, please donate further so Finley is able to get the products that he needs!

Please follow this link to understand what and why

#queer #keep seeing people say 'I won't respect you as a trans person until you look cis' n shit #fuck you I love my body and I'm still a guy #I come to tumblr I post stuff about being queer and then I drink two cups of coffee and have a cheese pizza

[vivi266]

#love how this is actually about something but it's so broadly applicable i dont want to actually make that specificity clearer #original text: oh you think you're soooo fucking smart. with your fucking convoluted pretentious sentences #anyways the sticker is also extremely relevant and i'm tired of this post being popular

[xiaq]

So my bike was stolen from our garage last night. My beloved, custom, carbon fiber, most-expensive-thing-I-own-aside-from-my-car bike. I just found it listed on FB marketplace. Shit is about to go down.

#im so mad i'm shaking #asking questions about it and he's just making shit up #fucking asshole

[marypsue]

Keep seeing that post where OP starts like 'Thinking about...grieving the undead' and then adds on about like. Real life situations where people have not died but have left your life and you would have reason to grieve them.

All respect, that's an important concept, but that is not what I am thinking about when I read 'grieving the undead'.

#your brother is a vampire. he's sitting across the table from you chatting with your mother about her day #and he's dead and he's gone and he's never coming back. #he laughs the same and he talks the same but his arm is cold when he grabs you in a headlock and your dog won't be in the same room with hi #he'll still hang around watching TV with you and give you wedgies and make stupid jokes #but you can't tell him about the bullies at school anymore because this thing with your brother's face will just find them and kill them. #and not even stupid fucking Jason deserves what the monster in your dead brother's skin would do to him. #your brother is dead and lost and right there in arm's reach and gone forever with no hope of ever getting him back. #i'm sure there are corollaries to be written about like ghosts and zombies but this is the one i'm personally hung up on recently

[spyglassrealms]

had a fucking hilarious dream that tumblr replaced the "block" function with the far funnier "glock" function, which did the exact same thing except whenever anyone blocked you a random bullet hole, like a png of a bullet hole, would appear on your blog. discourse blogs were unreadable bc you'd go to the page and the sheer amount of bullet hole pngs stacked over the blogs obscured everything. I woke myself up laughing

#normally I don't chronicle my dreams here but fucking hell that one was funny #I think this would genuinely make tumblr better tbh #@ staff do this cowards #spy has thoughts #my life is a sitcom and i am my own laugh track #functional website #spy's smash hits #Glock function #edit for everyone in the notes saying 'everyone clapped' #I know I can't prove to you that it happened for real you're just gonna have to trust me on this #but I swear on my goddamn life I'm not making this up #I make so many conscious puns that sometimes my subconscious cooks up a real good one

[anarchopuppy]

I, a hearing person who likes subtitles just as a preference, shouldn't have to read a subtitle that's obvious nonsense, go back a couple seconds, and listen again in order to figure out what's going on. An accessibility feature should not be the most half-assed part of a professionally made production. Scripted media has absolutely no excuse for not having subtitles or having subtitles that aren't perfectly verbatim. Professional captioning services should be ashamed of the shoddy work that they put out. Captions should be treated as a part of the production, just like filming, editing, audio balancing, etc - and anything that releases with missing or bad captions should be seen as unfinished

#the subtitle mistakes i've seen are absolutely fucking embarrassing #subtitles should make something easier to understand not harder #and i can hear just fine so i'm lucky! #i've seen the kind of mistakes that would make an entire video unintelligible to someone who doesn't have the audio for any reason #it's unacceptable

[marielle-heller]

it really is crazyyyyy how much January they managed to fit into this January

#make it fucking stop i'm depressed

[ardri-na-bpiteog]

Also increasingly aware that a LOT of people "manage" getting through the 40+ hour work week by sleeping less than is healthy and relying on stimulants like coffee and energy drinks to keep them going.

For people who are unwilling or unable to do this...work really does just dominate your life. Like we really should not have to rely on unhealthy practices just to have a social life or keep on top of housework or whatever.

I know I post about this a lot but I'm so TIRED all the time and it's just so depressing that this is how we're expected to spend the one life we have.

#i have to get at least 8 hours of sleep a night to even barely function #with sleep #getting ready for work #commute #cooking #and errands #I typically have maybe 2-3 hours to actually do what i want in a day #and I'm usually too tired to actually do the things i want to do #and that's with a very short commute #if i actually had a long commute I'd basically do nothing but work #i see my friends like once every few weeks or months #because we're all so fucking busy with work and have such little time for socialising #and none of us even have kids or anything!!

[genericpuff]

starting 2024 off on a good fucking note

snoozing tumblr live PERMANENTLY 👏👏👏

#i'm not even gonna be the bigger person and say rest in peace #i hope it burns in hell jfc #get fucked #tumblr live #goodbye tumblr live