#and i’ve been continually changing and adding to it since november

[ladyhindsight]

Family tree anon again. Another continuity error I’ve noticed is that in the CP2 family tree it states that Jem and Will were born in 1861 (I think Jessie is the same age as well) and Tessa in 1862, which would make them 17 and her 16 in TID (this is confirmed in canon afair).

I don’t know where these new dates originated, but in the TSC wikia it states that Jem Will and Jessie were born in 1860, with Jem’s birthday in November, Will’s in December, and Jessie’s in August. So means the 3 of them would be turning 18 in 1878. Maybe I’m just doing the math wrong, but this makes no sense to me in canon.

First of all: Jessie always mentions how much she hates being a Shadowhunter and how she wants to leave the Institute, but she can’t since she’s still underage. If she actually turned 18 in 1878, she would’ve been able to leave during the event if CP (which takes place in July-August).

Second: Jem and Will are always being excluded from things involving the Enclave since they’re underage, but I feel like if they were turning 18 that year they still wouldn’t be treated like children? Also when Tessa and Jem are talking about their wedding, Jem says he feel guilt for binding her to marriage at 16, and she replies “you’re only 17”. How could he be “only 17” if he’s turning 18 soon?

I just don’t get how CC could change something like this that’s so clearly in canon.

Helloo!

This was actually a bigger rabbit hole than I first anticipated. Also the biggest mystery why Clare changed Will’s and Jem’s birthdays at all!! Not the first time assigning whatever birthdays have fucked up things. So, the Shadowhunters fan wiki says Will’s birthday is December 30, 1860, and it is sourced Clockwork Angel 10th Anniversary Special Edition. I watched a flipthrough of that edition but I didn’t really see where the info was exactly. The trivia on Will’s character says that (as of December 7, 2023):

The birthday (December 30, 1860) assigned to Will and revealed in the 10th Anniversary Edition of Clockwork Angel contradicts previously established canon: In Clockwork Prince, he said he was three months younger than Jem (whose birthday was revealed as November 8, 1860, making him only a month younger), and his birth year was listed as 1861 in the "found" family tree released with Clockwork Princess and An Illustrated History of Notable Shadowhunters & Denizens of Downworld, though the family tree may easily be considered inaccurate.

But the An Illustrated History of Notable Shadowhunters & Denizens of Downworld should be accurate, and I did check and Jem’s birth year is 1861 as is Will’s. (Thought to note on accuracy, many details have changed concerning TLH characters as well.) Now Jem’s assigned birthday is November 8, 1860 (source Clockwork Angel 10th Anniversary Special Edition) and the trivia says, “In Clockwork Prince, Jem is said to be three months older than Will. However, in the 10th anniversary edition of Clockwork Angel, their birth dates were revealed as one month apart; causing a continuity issue.”

Definitely. The scene in Clockwork Prince, chapter 4 “A Journey” went like this:

“Yes, though Charlotte’s rather fallen off in tutoring us lately, as you might imagine,” said Will. “One either has a tutor or one is schooled in Idris—that is, until you attain your majority at eighteen. Which will be soon, thankfully, for the both of us.” “Which one of you is older?” “Jem,” said Will, and “I am,” said Jem, at the same time. They laughed in unison as well, and Will added, “Only by three months, though.” “I knew you’d feel compelled to point that out,” said Jem with a grin.

Soon, meaning next year? Which makes me wonder what the original dates of birth were.

Jessamine was born August 10, 1860 (source Clockwork Angel 10th Anniversary Special Edition), but no trivia notes on her birthday. Probably because it was intended to be the one stated. In Clockwork Angel she even says in chapter 6 “Strange Earth”, “As I am sure horrid Will has told you, my parents, my dear papa and mama, are dead. But they left me a not inconsiderable sum of money. It was put aside in trust for me until my eighteenth birthday, which is only in a matter of months. You see the problem, of course.” Which takes place in May once Tessa has arrived to London. Tessa is born January 28, 1862, sourced also Clockwork Angel 10th Anniversary Special Edition. No trivia notes on the birthday because it is what it is.

The book timeline is:

1873, November 10: “Will Herondale left Wales and his family to become a Shadowhunter. Months after, Jem Carstairs arrived at the London Institute and met his future parabatai Will.” I wonder how that year was come up with since Will only tells Cecily in Clockwork Princess chapter 10 “Like Water Upon Sand” that “I first came here when I was twelve” and “It was, to be precise, the tenth of November of that year. And every year after, on the anniversary of that day, I would fall into a black mood of despair.” Which, in the “original” timeline, would mean Will had already turned 12 by November, because originally he was born 1961. Now that canon has changed, it means Will would turn 13 in the end of December, making him already soon to be 18 years old in 1878, which is not the case as we later see here. What also speaks of the fact that Will turned 12 years old in 1873 is this:  “When he’d reached twelve years of age, he’d been sent to the Institute; at that time he’d still been so small that he’d looked barely nine.” Quite point blank period.

1878 April is when the events from Clockwork Angel begin. Will is 17, Jem is 17, Jessie is 17 about to turn 18, Tessa 16. In May, Tessa arrives at London. On June 5, Clockwork Angel ends.

July to August, Clockwork Prince takes place. I don’t remember there being a mention of Jessie’s birthday. On July 27 Benedict threw the secret masquerade ball which Tessa and Will infiltrated. At this point Jessamine is already 18 and engaged to Nate. In the chapter 11 “Wild Unrest” of Clockwork Prince Sophie finds the invite from Benedict and it is dated 20th of August, which means Jessie’s birthday came and went, and I couldn’t find a single mention of it.

One could argue she stayed at the Institute in order to spy the Institute for Nate (and by extension for Mortmain). She had a chance to leave but she was also enamored with Nate and subsequently played into his plans. And after her betrayal Clave took her wealth and she was ordered to return to the Institute by Charlotte. So, Jessamine essentially (after turning 18) was spying for Nate and Mortmain, subsequently caught and tied to a bedpost, interrogated and taken to Silent City. After being released from the Silent City she was returned to the London Institute where she was immediately killed upon arrival. I mean, she had her moments to leave but in the end she stayed and some of these could be reasons why. I don’t think Clare really thought of Jessamine as much, though in Clockwork Angel chapter 6 “Strange Earth”Jessie says:

“Don’t you? I can leave the Institute, Tessa, but I cannot live alone. It wouldn’t be respectable. Perhaps if I were a widow, but I am only a girl. It just isn’t done. But if I had a companion—a sister—”

So there’s the main reason. It isn’t proper. Additionally in Clockwork Prince chapter 2 “Reparations” Jessamine says, “I don’t want to be thrown out of the Institute if we can’t find the Magister,” Jessamine went on. “Is that so difficult to understand?” When Charlotte tells her she can leave if she wants. So there’s also that.

October to December, Clockwork Princess takes place. Will proposed to Tessa in the Institute Christmas party and later tells Cecily, “You can’t be married, Cecily! You’re only fifteen! When I get married, I’ll be eighteen! An adult!” So Will was still 17, also ironic that there wasn’t such opposition when James and Cordelia get married at 17.

Also interestingly, Gabriel’s birthday is June 2, also in 1860 but in Clockwork Angel he is described as “the youngest of the group, a boy probably no more than a year older than Jem or Will.” Which could be Well, he looked older! But in light of all that we have gathered here, Clare initially wrote Jem and Will having been born in 1861. Then later Callida Fairchild says, “Perhaps with help from James Carstairs and Will Herondale, but neither of them is any older than seventeen. How much help can they be?” Also meaning Will and Jem were both born in 1861. Also:

“Nate, Tessa thought disgustedly, is exactly two years older than Will. Hardly a century. Nor is he by any stretch of the imagination “mature.”

And Nate’s birth year is stated to be 1859.

In the chapter 24 “The Measure of Love” in Clockwork Princess, Will thinks how it is “First Christmas morning without Jem in six years. The purest cold, bringing the purest pain.” For which the birthdays make even less sense in the context of “Months after, Jem Carstairs arrived at the London Institute and met his future parabatai Will.”

1. Christmas morning, aged 12 (because Will was already 12 when he came to London Institute)

2. Christmas, aged 13

3. Christmas, aged 14

4. Christmas, aged 15

5. Christmas, aged 16

6. Christmas, aged 17 (When Jem has become a Silent Brother)

Because Jem was 11 years old when Yanluo attacked (“When I was eleven, Yanluo found a weak spot in the ward that protected the Institute, and tunneled inside.”), so it stands to reason it didn’t take years for him to arrive at London.

Anyway, the point of this tirade is the same as yours. There is so much stuff stating Will’s and Jem’s ages, so why in the earth would she change it by a year and fuck all of this up?? I cannot fathom.

#Will Herondale #Jem Carstairs #Tessa Gray #Jessamine Lovelace #Gabriel Lightwood #The Infernal Devices #Series discussion #Reply

[duffy-is-daydreaming]

Very belated Martyshka status update 😅

So this is kind of embarrassing, but it’s high time I get around to explaining why I dropped off the map for so long. Tl;dr, a lot of awful life drama came up all at once right as I was trying to finish chapter 16, and I lost all my writing mojo for a couple months while I was sorting everything out. I’m starting to feel good about writing again, and chapter 16 should finally be out next week!

Abbreviated story under the cut:

Back in June, I found myself wrapped up in quite a few unpleasant life developments. Family drama, increased work load, trouble with school plans, financial anxiety, etcetera. When I wasn’t doing my part to try and manage all of these things, all of my free thought space was taken up by the need to decompress. Try as I might, I couldn’t sit down and work on Martyshka for more than half an hour at a time without it adding to my stress, which is NOT what writing this story is supposed to feel like. I knew that if I kept trying to force myself to write, I would start to resent it, and that would be the end of Martyshka. Thus, I decided to put this work on the back-burner until I could get back out to school, wrap up my most pressing tasks, reestablish my routine, and find the clarity of mind to continue writing. I absolutely should have made a post like this earlier as a heads up, and I apologize for not doing so. I think I was just embarrassed to suddenly be abandoning the schedule I’d been able to hold myself to so well since I started this story last November.

Things have gotten significantly better in the meantime. I’ve been seeing a therapist, I got back to my own apartment, and I’m settling back into a healthy space. Back in July, I was able to join one of my professors from last semester and some other students on a two-week camping trip to Grand Teton National Park, and that time away from the city did me wonders. I feel reinvigorated mentally and physically, and after reevaluating my schedule and writing habits, I think I’m ready to get back into Martyshka.

The update schedule will probably change a few more times over the next few months as I start my senior year of college. I’m anticipating having chapter 16 done and uploaded by next Sunday, and chapter 17 will hopefully be up by mid-September, if not sooner. Thank you all so much for your patience, and I’m sorry again for any fear of fic abandonment my silence might have caused. I promise you, I still fully intend to see this fic through to the end; it’d be a disservice to my very exciting plans and all those who’ve helped me form them to leave them unaccomplished.

That’s about all for now, so enjoy some lovely pictures from my camping trip while I finish chapter 16. I’ll see you all next week!

#psychonauts #psychonauts 2 #martyshka #fanfiction #psychonauts fanfiction

[letters-to-my-lovely-ex]

all the things i’ve wanted to say

i know i turned your world upside down that you must feel cheated, robbed, and lied to that maybe you wonder if i ever loved you at all or was i only pretending?

what i know is that i loved you with every fiber of me every moment, laugh, hardship, hug, kiss, mistake, and lesson realer than i could have imagined or ever manufactured i gave you my truth and nothing else i simply didn’t know another way

all i ever wanted was to light up your life to redefine what a relationship could look and feel like to help heal your inner child to show you that love is abundant and not scarce to make you feel worthy of love, respect, and happiness because you deserve those things regardless of us

i tried so hard to accept you as you are to write a happy ending for us in my mind i truly and honestly did, my love i gave it my best shot

pushing every day to convince myself that it could work with someone who’s not expressive with their words whose independence surpasses any need for affirmation who sees vulnerability as weakness

thinking that i’d be okay not receiving in the way that i give that maybe i could soften you over time or that maybe i could harden myself into happiness.

fool’s errands, clearly and sad reflections of my hubris which i’ll continue to regret

for better & for worse i am still the same person you fell in love with warts and all

it must feel irreconcilable to accept that the part of me that broke your heart is still a part of me from warm hugs & kisses to cold silence and emptiness i knew what my decision meant, and coming to it shattered my world i’m just so fucking sorry it shattered yours too

in the aftermath of our death i felt that i had to mourn us in silence i wanted to be strong and keep the house from falling apart to act normal for you the same way you needed me to when your dad passed

it felt like disrespect to indulge in my own sadness, loss, and pain i didn’t want to minimize your experience and i wanted to give you space to feel but i see now that my consideration has come across as callousness that my silence must hurt that all along i’ve been guilty of the aloofness i project onto you

well let me put it out there then: i fucking love you and i haven’t stopped loving you for a second i hurt, dissociate, and compartmentalize just like you do i crave your love, your touch, your affection i am utterly and helplessly consumed by thoughts of you afternoons spent crying on the phone or at wi spa, or on the couch obsessively checking if you added anything to your story refreshing your facebook page for absolutely no reason at all trying to feel something, anything scrolling through our pictures and old texts at 3:45am wanting to relive all of our moments and words in an infinite loop i too am in a bad dream i wish to wake from

i haven’t done any real work since november i half ass my meetings and pretend to do shit on the computer when all i’m really doing is toggling between the same three windows hating myself figuring out how to make it to tomorrow thinking about how to reach you, how to do right by you how to apologize to you and make this less horrible for you because i know it’s killing you

i want to turn back time make it so that you never met me i’d wipe your brain’s memories of me if it meant shielding you from this sick, selfish brand of pain i’m the kind of person who sees all love as worth it and i still wouldn’t trade us for anything but my god, this hurts more than i could have ever prepared for

i miss you so much i miss our life together your leg wraps at night our dates, coffees, and trips all of ryar’s idiosyncrasies your laughs and adorable self-talk how amazing you smell that wonderful feeling of knowing you’re just a kiss away in constant awe of how you manage to balance everything in your life

after the year we’ve had, you’ll forever be a part of me i just can’t keep holding on to hoping you’ll change in the ways i need you to i’m sorry i put that weight on your shoulders that i expected you to carry with ease a load you’ve never been handed i just really needed to be loved in the same way that i love i didn’t want to keep resenting you for not understanding something i need my partner to fully understand

i read somewhere recently that how you feel about someone is different from how they make you feel and that cut me deep

to think that my love for you might over time become marred by indignance that i would never be able to compromise my expectations with our reality was a future too sad for me to entertain

===

i hope you know that i loved you in every way i knew how to i adore your beautiful, radiant, complicated, brilliant, shimmering soul so secretly full of life and love i was so proud to call you mine and i hope you were proud that i was yours because i truly was

i gave you my whole heart and never held back i meant every word i ever said to you i know me choosing myself might make you feel differently but what i’ve felt for you has been the realest part of my year

this next chapter is already pulling us in different directions removing us from each other’s lives re-making us strangers for now taking us back to the break room at rose just a minute before i walked in and was told i’d be training you

i know we need to grow apart and take time away to heal these wounds i had to introduce into our life to slowly transform this pain and sadness into understanding and acceptance

i dream of a time where we can hold space for each other again when we grab coffee or a bite in a new city when you catch me up about the amazing things happening in your life and all i’ll feel is happiness that someone i loved with all of me is doing well

#love #dating #relationship #relationships #vulnerability #vulnerable #heartbreak #heartache #feeling #absence #emotion #connection #depth #longing #emotional #sorrow #loss #grief #boyfriend #girlfriend #separation #separate ways #goodbye #i miss you #i love you #letting go #breakup

[serviceswetm]

The Digital Marketing in 2024

Français

Hello,

Did you notice the new designs announcing the content direction of the first quarter of 2024? They are newly produced to highlight the topics of professional articles to sell digital advertising banners in featured articles.

And in addition to serving as an intro to my post on digital marketing and advertising in 2024, including a major upcoming trend of promotional placement in targeted display content, I explain to you why the Advertising Service of the Marketing blog is the best placement for companies whose target is users of websites and digital tools of Quebec businesses.    Of course, I finish the article with my digital marketing trends for 2024, à la Jeff!    Happy New Year Marketers! Let our businesses shine!    MusicScore: Yes, We Can Can, from the formely The Pointer Sisters, a thunderous concert version of the 1974 album. Listen to this, I love them very much, even tho I discovered them later in 83’ MTV. Like a sales pitch, I can sing you the chorus at any time! I know we can do this... 

The 2024 digital marketing

Last November, HEC Montréal's Digital Agency-School published a post about the upcoming digital trends in marketing for 2024 in the form of 7 points. I immediately noticed the word content on each trend.   

Maybe I'm influenced by the fact that I have a blog of professional articles, it seems to me this trend is taking more and more place in the lives of consumers to, and especially in the way they buy their products. The Content... 

This content, disseminated on a referred website, associated with a presence on social and mobile in order to develop a transparent relationship, associated with social causes, would be a Summary of the 2024 trends in the virtual market for companies in the next 12 months.   

For content writers, the importance of personalizing to customers on several digital promotional platforms forces us to see the possibility of making several promotional versions of the same product, therefore finding a distribution and message publishing system as soon as possible, if you have not already done so. Personalization and content direction require us to be creative, because at the moment, artificial intelligence writing does not yet master this very well. However, this could change very quickly in the first quater.  

Since last Summer, I've been developing columns, things to create a membership habit and other small incentives for my clients to develop reading habits, inspired by my teenage days who patiently waited for my music magazines to arrive at local convenience stores at the beginning of each month. These incentives are also added to the content of emails, newsletters and websites.  

Finally, the quality of the language and SEO should always be impeccable; This is the continuity of 2023 in terms of search algorithms at this level. 

The first Semester of the Marketing Blog  

The Marketing Blog's presents the content direction data sheet for the first few months of 2024. 

Advertise your business in articles and to readers and marketers of the website. Availability of placement of your digital banner: 

The 728x90 Leaderboards  in this month's professional article on the programmable software applications for businesses. 

The Monthly Partnership for a posting with no end date in the Monthly Ticket at the beginning of the month, plus a complete and daily promotion all month long. 

The Monthly Leaderboard Package of popular entertainment content. 

The benefits of advertising your products and services on the Digital Marketing Blog 

A targeting of specialized articles readers by owners and users of corporate websites and digital tools. 

Display in French or French and English with separate links, (French is mandatory).  

5% of the value before taxes of your advertising purchase returned to advertising with personalized targeting on Meta. * Info on the site. 

A service provided from a secure site with a good virtual reputation with current tools, with referencing and updated article distribution applications in both languages, and with sharing tools that facilitate the transfer of information to readers' social medias and email networks. 

Obtain weekly Analytics reports disclosing the information of the article (number of visits by the number of unique visitors, as well as general information of non-confidential origin and according to the applicable laws of Quebec, as well as the general information of your campaign and Meta targeting.

A reasonable price offered for local companies for an advertising display in articles dedicated to local companies. 

Web + Marketing Mission 

The Marketing Blog's mission is to democratize the management of digital promotion tools for companies, SMEs, startups and freelancers.  

Top 5 Digital Marketing Trends à la Jeff 

I'm making a top 5 of what I foresee in the field of digital marketing for 2024. These are the points that will mainly affect my job. 

  1- The inclusion of artificial intelligence (AI) in digital marketing. Artificial intelligence is likely to change lot of things in my field in the coming months. This is the main topic of 2024. However, I'm not an expert on AI and I'm still hesitant to talk about it.  What I will be following closely will be how the experts will humanize AI writing. What do you think? 

 2 – The Tik Tok movement and REELS. This point goes against the first trend of automated editorial content, exploiting REEL and live video is totally a path to take in 2024 if your domain allows it. However, keep in mind that this is a type of writing, as a spontaneous or live clip is being prepared. At the start of 2023 when several spontaneous media users tolerated everything, in 2024, we no longer want endless conversations from the corner of the counter in the morning under the pretext that we are too busy but that we want to do a live before leaving...  In 2024, we prepare, we organize ourselves before leaving home, and then we do the REEL on Tik Tok and other social networks. 

 3 – Tired of email subscriptions. I have an average, after a little calculation of the last month, 232 spam emails per day, half of which are subscriptions. How many spam emails do you receive? And do you always manage to identify the ones you really want or you don’t even open them? It seems that consumers in general are opening emails less and returning to social media pages to keep up to date, which are now dressed with REEL, live clips and more recent videos, in addition to being able to read comments. Have you also noticed the return of the long social media post since the last quarter of 2023? 

 4 – Get found by search tools and list your company in the company pages. Whether it is in terms of the natural referencing of websites, or the registration of companies in the company pages of search sites, it is necessary to be visible and searched-found on a mobile by a search of the search bar. If only to be seen locally by your immediate surroundings, usually around 20 to 30% of the annual turnover. 

 5 – Introduce yourself, know the reason for your company and its mission and place in society to represent it well. Of course, you have to be able to introduce yourself and your company digitally, as well as in person, if only for Zoom meeting openings and presentations, it is important to be able to introduce yourself in 15 seconds with the right words.  There should be no hesitation and as in the theatre, this line should be said at all times, whether in a formal meeting, or when seeing former customers at the grocery store, or a prospect in the parking lot of your office. 

Conclusion

I concluded this text on the trends of 2024 with great enthusiasm. Content marketing, now combined with data insights and artificial intelligence, will be very interesting to follow in 2024.   

With technological advancement evolving by the hour, the field of virtual sales is totally exciting, with many new features that improve our quality of work and purchase. Don't you think so?  

Anyway, I'll keep you up to date on the most important and leave you the sources to push your own research, fear not. 

Have you seen on the site the appearance of a soundtrack for advertising? Visit the Home Page ;) 

Sources:

Les tendances digitales du marketing en 2024! Agence-école numérique de HEC Montréal : https://digital.hec.ca/blog/les-tendances-digitales-du-marketing-en-2024/  

Stratégie marketing : « La vidéo, format roi de la communication digitale ». Article de Matthieu Eugène avec la participation d’Alexandre Benoist, chef de projet communication digitale pour Blog du Modérateur : https://www.blogdumoderateur.com/strategie-marketing-video-format-roi/  

Images credit: W+M Services

Next article: the Monthly Tix of January 1st.  

Other Blog tickets

Writing & Advertising services

Freelance work is diversified and allows you to meet a lot of people. That is why I am doing this job, so that people can discover, learn and pass on knowledge.

The content direction is something I like to do. I enjoy doing research and share my discoveries.

Do you have a service, or a project, to share with the public? Maybe to produce a blog article or a publication would be a good idea?

Contact me, for information about the writing service in English and French! You can also place your advertising in a Blog article to reach your next client! Let’s talk about it.

#digital marketing #writing

[quotes121sworld]

Backstreet Boys' AJ McLean SPLITS from wife Rochelle after 12 years of marriage

Backstreet Boys' AJ McLean has split from his wife Rochelle DeAnna McLean.AJ, 45, and Rochelle, 41, announced the news TMZto make it clear that they are not getting divorced, but separating."Marriage is tough, but it's worth it. We have decided together to temporarily separate to work on ourselves and our marriage in hopes of building a stronger future," he told the outlet. "The plan is to get back together and continue to nurture our love for one another and for our family. We ask for respect and privacy at this time.'"The breakup is hard enough without the comment, please be kind and remember children are involved," the statement concluded. The couple, who have two daughters together, married in 2011 after dating for six years.

The Latest: Backstreet Boys' AJ McLean has split from his wife Rochelle DeAnna McLean

Family: The couple, who share two daughters, married in 2011 after dating for six yearsAJ and Rochelle, a makeup artist and hairstylist, met in October 2001.The duo began dating in 2006 when the singer proposed to her on his birthday - January 9, 2010. They married his Backstreet Boys bandmates on December 17, 2011 at the Beverly Hills Hotel.Rochelle celebrated her 11th anniversary in December 2022 with a throwback to her and added lyrics from a Guns N' Roses song called November Rain."And when your fears subside / And shadows remain, oh yes / I know you can love me when there's no one left to blame / So forget the darkness, we can still find a way / Cause nothing lasts forever, Even cold November rain.'She added #eleven in honor of their 11th wedding anniversary and a black heart and lyrical emoji. In October 2020, AJ spoke about his journey to sobriety after 20 years of drug and alcohol addiction.He had just returned home from a trip to Las Vegas. "I've never been sober. Not for a second. And the turning point for me was when I came home, my wife could smell it on my breath and my youngest of two daughters didn't want to sit with me," he said Good morning America. After that moment, AJ has maintained his sobriety and is working with a program and sponsor.

The star: AJ, 45, and Rochelle, 41, announced the news to TMZ, clarifying that they are not getting divorced but are separating

Bittersweet: Rochelle celebrated their 11th anniversary in December 2022 with a throwback snap of them adding lyrics from a Guns N' Roses song called November Rain

Global Stars: His drug addiction was a secret for a while, until his Backstreet Boys bandmates Nick Carter, Brian Littrell, Kevin Richardson and Howie Dorough found out about it; seen at their concert in Sao Paulo, Brazil on January 23, 2023Adding: "There's too much to live with today - my beautiful kids, my amazing wife, my career, my brothers. I've never felt so grounded as I do today.” During the same interview, AJ revealed when his drug addiction began. "The first time I tried drugs was literally an hour before my call time for The Call video shoot," he recalled. "I was off the walls" during video shoot.His drug addiction was a secret for a while, until his Backstreet Boys bandmates Nick Carter, Brian Littrell, Kevin Richardson and Howie Dorough found out.“When the guys somehow noticed, I missed the rehearsal. They practically broke into my house and poured ice water all over me while I was passed out in my bed.”"Everyone started to understand. I wasn't me anymore, you know, I was just living a lie," AJ said. He first entered rehab in July 2001 and reentered in 2001. The star went for a third time in 2011.In September 2022, during an interview with , AJ revealed that he was in the best shape of his life and also a year sober Today.The star revealed he's lost 32 pounds since beginning his lifestyle change in February 2022.AJ has been sober since September 27, 2022.He eliminated alcohol and fast food from his diet and worked with a trainer.AJ and Rochelle are parents to Ava (10) and Lyric (6). Ava decided to change her name to Elliott last year.In September 2022, AJ opened up about the name change, revealing that she felt her name wasn't unique. "When my daughter asked to change her name to Elliot, I didn't know at first if it was a transgender thing, which it isn't, but it's a personal choice," he said during an appearance on the Today Show via page six.

Talented: AJ, Nick, Brian, Kevin and Howie formed the Backstreet Boys in 1993; they're in the middle of their DNA World Tour in support of their 2019 album DNA; seen at their tour stop in Sao Paulo, Brazil on January 27, 2023

Birthday boy: Last week, the couple celebrated their sixth birthdayLast week, the couple celebrated their sixth birthday.He shared snaps from her birthday party on his Instagram page and wrote: "Happiest of bdays to my mini me. Daddy is so proud of the little woman you are. i love you baby girl Happy birthday my love! Now let's go party!'AJ, Nick, Brian, Kevin and Howie formed the Backstreet Boys in 1993; They are in the middle of their DNA World Tour in support of their 2019 album DNA.The tour began in May 2019 with a two-year hiatus from March 2020 to April 2022 due to the COVID-19 pandemic.The tour resumed in Las Vegas on April 8, 2022 and is currently ongoing.Her last show was in Hong Kong on March 15, 2023. They are on a short hiatus until April 28, 2023, with the band playing in Reykjavik, Iceland and then to Egypt, India and then the Middle East before concluding in South Africa on May 20, 2023. Read the full article

[eriellesudario]

Pokemon Ultra Moon – Not Worth Playing?! // Review

Pokemon Ultra Moon has been released in Australia on November 17 2017 and as usual, I pre-ordered the game. But unlike before, this game disappointed me as it reuses similar plots from Pokemon Moon. You know that inside joke where Pokemon is pretty much the same thing over and over again? Well, Ultra Sun and Moon took that joke literally as the game is pretty much a carbon copy of the previous titles… but with some added gimmicks that don’t change much of the original game.

When I got Pokemon Black 2 in 2012, the game takes place a year or so later in the story timeline where you play as this new character and so forth. And playing Alpha Sapphire in 2014, it still provided a lot of changes such as gym format and the mapping in certain areas that make it slightly different from the original. These were the sequels and reboots that I was really excited for back in the time when it was out.

Pokemon Ultra Moon, however, doesn’t give off that ‘change’ that I was hoping for. I’ve spent the whole day going through the whole first Island Trial since I already knew what was going to happen!

Basically, how the games started is shockingly the same to the original:

Lillie tries to escape the Aether Foundation (Again)

Then 3 months pass and you meet your mom… in the same house in Pokemon Moon

You pick your starter which isn’t as grand to how it used to be anymore

You save Nebby on the bridge (again… in the same style as last time) and the island guardian rescues you… again…

Pretty much everything is similar to the old game that in my opinion, Ultra Moon is copy-paste game with a few small changes. I feel like I will just be replaying similar events to the game with a few alterations that wouldn’t be major to the story.

The small changes that were added to the game, they’re just small tweaks and gimmicks that make it slightly different trailer/preview wise… but not as much in the overall game.

I will try to continue the game when I can as I know there is more to what I’ve seen so far; but based of my own experience with the game, I don’t think it’s worth playing unless you haven’t played Sun and Moon yet.

#2017 #review #pokemon #video games #pokemon ultra sun and ultra moon

[dollhousemary]

do you guys have a carefully crafted, chronological list of your favorite episodes of spn (including who wrote them) or are you normal?

#ivy.txt #i also have my absolute favorites in bold #and i’ve been continually changing and adding to it since november #i genuinely don’t know if this is that out there or not tbh #i often make lists like this but my mom seemed to think it was kind of odd akdjcmsk

[fierysafrina]

Where’s my love | Nash Gold Jr

Fandom: Kuroko no Basket Rating: Teen Word Count: 4.300 Genre: Hurt/Comfort | Angst | Romance Additional tags: cursing, mentions of groping, mentions of physical and verbal abuse Summary: You thought you had everything. How wrong you were. Notes: I gotta admit that this one made my heart hurt a bit. As you more or less realized at this point, this one’s also inspired by a song of the same title by SYML. I honestly can’t believe I managed to complete this oneshot that I’ve been writing since november 2020. Enjoy it~

You didn't know where you went wrong. It was perfect. Well it wasn't to a t, but it was close when you were with him. He was sweet to you, his sarcastic side coming out once in a while, but he was never cruel to you. Not once did he treat you less than you were worth and always told you sweet nothings.

You knew of his reputation, your parents even disagreed when you introduced him, but you didn't listen to them. You continued dating the notorious playboy that could break your heart any moment. You knew of his one-night stands as well, but it didn't bother you, because he was devoted to you.

Or so you believed he was.

But then one day everything changed. Everything turned bad and you wondered where you messed it up, because it couldn't have been his fault but yours. He was the one to break it off, saying nothing more as he left you shocked and stunned just outside your home. You didn't know how to react, but while you watched him drive away on his Harley Davidson, you wondered where the fuck did it go wrong.

And how stupidly naive you were to fall for him.

You were holding an empty glass of liquor in your hand as you danced with your friends. You were laughing, feeling the world around you spin as your heart beat at the same pace as the beat of the music.

“Drink!” You looked at your friend and pointed at the empty glass. She nodded and you took the chance to stumble through the crowd towards the bar. Already tipsy—if not drunk—, you chuckled to yourself as you leaned on the bar, eyes catching the bartender.

“The same, please,” You said a little louder over the music. “Jäger-cola,” you added and the man nodded, taking your glass along. You turned towards the crowd and spotted your friends, grinning from ear to ear. You sang along to the song, completely unaware of eyes that stared at you.

After the song ended, you turned around to see the drink ready. You reached into your pocket to grab your phone and money from it when someone stepped right behind you, their body right against your back, and a hand placing the money down. You blinked and watched the bartender nod before he disappeared to tend to another customer while a pout formed on your lips. A smile was quick to spread instead as you turned to see who just paid for your drink.

“Thank yo—”

Your words died on your tongue, once you recognized the man in front of you. Like cold water was splashed over your overheated body, you were wide awake. Without a word, you drank the whole glass before you slammed it on the bar. You pushed past the man, disappearing back onto the dancefloor, wanting to forget it. To forget that look he had in his eyes.

When you reached your friend, you leaned close to her and spoke; “I’m leaving.”

The way her eyes widened and held your arm, it was obvious she was confused. “Why?”

“He’s here.” You gritted your teeth and it seemed like she just spotted him, because her eyes grew wider like he stood just behind you. “I’m leaving.” You repeated and she nodded, immediately stepping behind to hide your figure, so you could leave in silence.

Luck truly wasn’t on your side anymore.

A hand gripped your wrist, turning you around. You managed to free yourself quickly, glaring as he stood in front of you. You could still hear the music from inside, a shiver running down your spine from the cold as fog crept on the street.

“What are you doing here?” he asked, his voice cold, harsh like he was scolding a child.

“What is it to you?” you scoffed, taking a stumbling step back. “Fuck.” You cursed as you tried to catch yourself, but refused to let him hold you when he reached out for you. “Fuck off…”

“Jesus, how much did you drink?” he held you by upper arm nonetheless.

“I told you to fuck off!” you raised your voice and shoved him. If only you had strength like before. “Leave me alone!”

“You’re fucking wasted! I ain’t leaving you alone. Not when you’re like this.” He argued back, but your patience was running really thin.

“When I’m like what, huh?” you stepped in front of him, staring into his eyes. “Why don’t ya go back inside for some bitch huntin’, huh?” His eyes widened at your words. “I’m done with you! I told you to leave me the fuck alone!” You struggled to free yourself from his grip, feeling the alcohol even more than before. You shouldn’t have drunk that last glass in one go.

“Why don’t you come to your senses already?”

“Oh, a really wise thing to say.” You shoved him in his chest and he took a step back.

“Does your mom know you’re out this late? It’s fucking 1am.”

“Why do ya ask?” you raised an eyebrow. “So you can get me back home and listen to her yellin’ at me how worthless I am? How stupid I am for being with ya? How you ruined their perfect sweet child?” You scoffed and he froze at your words. “Fuck off, Nash. You don’t have to involve yourself with me anymore.”

Releasing your arm, you turned and began to walk away. You stumbled every now and then, knowing too well that he was following right behind.

Stopping by a crossroad, you let out a deep sigh, eyes focused at your feet instead. Your eyes and nose were burning from the cold and you shivered before you reached into your pocket to grab a pack of American Spirit cigarettes.

Before you even managed to put one between your lips to lit it up, it was taken from your hand. You glared at Nash, who was glaring right back at you. Instead of saying anything, you took another out, staring him directly into his eyes, like you dared him to take another, but he still took that one.

“Give it back, asshole.”

“You’re smoking this shit?” he scoffed, crumpling the two cigarettes in his hand. “The fuck happened to you?”

“You.” Was your short answer. He seemed startled. “I don’t know, man, I mean, you fucked me up.” You laughed and successfully lit the third cigarette. Taking in a deep breath, you slowly let it out, your mascara definitely stained around your eyes, you were sure of. “Who wouldn’t be fucked up after a breakup out of nowhere?”

“I didn’t—”

“You didn’t, what?” you interrupted him, refusing to listen to his reason now. “You didn’t want to break up with me? Why did you then? And don’t give me that bullshit about how you weren’t good for me. Less alone on what my parents said about us. I give shit to what they think. Always have. I had a million reasons to break up with you, but didn’t, because I love you.” You tapped your foot on the concrete, looking across the street instead, eyes focusing at the small cloth store. You certainly sobered up enough to think and see what was going on. “Then again why do you even bother now? Go back to that club and fuck the first girl that falls on your dick.”

“[Name], it wasn’t—”

“Not tonight.” You laughed, shaking your head. Taking another breath of nicotine, you blew it straight into Nash’s face, making him grimace. “Since you dumped me, I always wanted to tell you to fuck off.” Throwing the cigarette on the ground, you stepped on it before you walked away.

This time, Nash didn’t follow.

The second time you saw Nash after the breakup, it was in front of your college. You were sitting outside with your friends, smoking when you spotted him across the road. It didn’t go unnoticed by your close friend, who knew what he did to you. To say the least, she also cursed at him when she saw him the first time, except that this time around, she completely ignored him.

Only when he was close enough did she speak just a bit louder; “Hey, [Name], wanna ditch the rest of classes for today.”

Your eyes widened, but a smile spread across your lips. “Count me in.”

When you stood from the bench, Nash was looking at you, his expression unrecognizable, but you didn’t want to bother with him much. You were the first to look away, your arm crossed with your friend’s as all of you walked away from college.

“Did you see how Nash stared at you?” Another asked.

“He?” you raised an eyebrow in amusement. “Why would he?” you laughed and shook with your head. “I don’t even know the guy.” You lied.

“I know right? He’s too good unlike what he was before.”

“He became such goody two-shoes.” Your close friend said. “But I heard he still fucks around so that’s nothing new.”

It was odd, because her sentence didn’t rest well with you. You grimaced at that, but didn’t say anything. Shaking your head, you focused back in front again, completely ignoring the need to look back. To look at him just one more time.

The third time Nash saw you, it made his heart ache. Your hair was a mess, covering your face, but he didn’t miss that bruise on your cheek even if you wore makeup. He knew you too well. You were quiet, too quiet than the last time he saw you and he wanted to approach you and ask if you were okay. But he was afraid of your outburst like that time in the club.

It was the same club though, but you were sitting alone, drinking what seemed to be whiskey. You were holding the glass in your hand, swirling it around, eyes completely focused on liquor in it.

“What do you want?” You spoke, raised your head and looked directly at him.

Nash spotted a lit cigarette in your other hand and he winced. This is what he feared. This isn’t what he wanted you to become. But you did and it was his fault.

Moving closer to you, he sat on the seat beside, ordering whiskey himself. “I saw you walking in.” he spoke and you scoffed.

“What now, are you some kind of stalker or what?” you rolled with your eyes and took a sip. You grimaced at the taste and the corners of his lips twitched into a small smile. You never liked whiskey. “It was too bitter” – you told him.

“If it makes you feel better then yes.”

“Actually it doesn’t,” You replied, making a face. He chuckled and you smiled – that smile you always showed only to him. How he missed it.

“What happened?” he asked, glancing at the bruise.

“The usual,” you shrugged.

At that he frowned. “Usual?” he repeated, igniting you to talk.

“Came home really early, at like 6 or 7, I don’t know and of course mom was already up, dad too, they know I’ll be dropped out of college, ‘cause what? I don’t have brilliant attendance, you see.” You sighed, shaking your head. “I’ve been thinking though,” you continued, eyes focusing back on whiskey in your hand; “I’ll move away instead.”

“And what will you do? Where will you go?” he choked, trying to hide the guilt and disappointment that he felt at your words.

Your hand, which rose to take another intake of nicotine, stopped midway. You turned your head, your bruised cheek even more visible, and looked directly into his eyes. “And what will you do if I tell you? Beg me to stay?”

At those words Nash realized that yes, he would beg if it meant that you would stay.

Nash doesn’t spend much time on social media. He finds it annoying, constant messages and comments from across the country and world, but he would be damned if he wasn’t checking your updates once you moved.

It's been a couple of months since he saw you at the bar. A couple of months since you left the states and he hadn’t gotten over it yet. Your bruised cheek haunted him on every step he took and perhaps it was one of the reasons he was constantly checking on you. You weren’t exactly the type to hide anymore and somehow he feels glad for that. At least he could see that you’re happy wherever you are even if that meant his heart breaking into pieces.

If only that was the case.

Your posts to instagram and snapchat are far from that. Being so far away from your family, it looks like you ended somewhere worse. Nash didn’t like that. He wants you to be happy, to live the life you always wished to have--the one you spoke to him about. He wants to reach out to you, ask you if you need help of any kind, but he fears you’d block him and he doesn’t want that. He doesn’t want to be in the dark when it comes to you. Not when he grew to love you so much.

It’s a completely normal day when Nash stumbles upon your mother by pure coincidence. He flinches when he spots her, freezes when her eyes fall on him and widen in surprise. He expects anything really--from curses to a glare, but it surprises him when she lowers her gaze and walks away instead. He doesn’t know what to think of it, so he questions the one friend who’d know more than he does.

Your best friend.

He knows he’s not welcomed anywhere in her vicinity, but he wants to know. The guilt is eating him alive and he knows, he can see it in her eyes, that Katy, your best friend, revels in it.

“Why should I tell you?” Katy asks, her voice cold, gaze holding a glare that he had received ever since he broke up with you.

“She’s ruining herself!” Nash didn’t mean to raise his voice, but he’d be damned if he didn’t get what he wanted. “Don’t tell me you don’t feel anything while watching her falling apart.” he hisses through his teeth and Katy’s façade falls. It takes him by surprise, because he had never seen her that way.

“Why do you care now?” Her voice is quiet, much too quiet that he has to strain his ears to hear her. “You have no idea what you did to her, do you?” her eyes glisten from sudden tears and it leaves him stunned. “She doesn’t listen to anyone. What makes you think she’ll listen to me? Indeed her parents threw her out, but nothing reached her. We all hoped leaving the States would do her good…” she trails off, eyes averting to the side.

“She was ready to give you the world, Nash.” Looking back at him, Katy smiles sadly. “She loved you so much and she didn’t care what her parents thought of your relationship. She just wanted to be with you. That’s all.”

Nash goes with hands through his hair as he turns to the side. He grits his teeth in annoyance at himself, because he was the cause for this. He did this and there was no turning back.

“Fuck…” he curses under his breath and looks up into the clear sky.

“She’s living with her aunt and grandmother, but I don’t know for how much longer.” Katy continues. “Her parents only want what’s the best for her.”

Nash looks at her and a thought comes to him.

If you never met him, you wouldn’t be in this situation.

You’re sitting on a bench on a hill, staring down at the village beneath. The first rays of sun are slowly proding through the clouds with a cold breeze. Wearing only a t-shirt and capri sweats, you shiver, but you don’t mind it much because you accomplished what you came here for.

A sunrise in late summer.

It’s been years since you last saw your aunt and grandmother, so when you moved to Europe it felt like a burden was lifted off your shoulders. You could breathe again, the unfamiliarity making you ache to discover things, but there was still that side that made you rebel. Being so far away from home it was the perfect place.

It’s those lips that linger on your neck with hands groping you that wake you from the drunken daze you’re in. You push the man away, heart beating fast against your chest as you stumble your way through the crowd and leave the bar. It reminds you of him and you don’t want that. You want to show him that you don’t have feelings for him anymore, but it’s hard.

Even after all those months and so many miles away, you still ache for him. You still want him to hold you in his arms as he whispers sweet nothings into your ear even if they are nothing but lies. You want him and your body has never ached for someone as much as it did for him.

So you do what you did back in the States. You know he follows you on social media, because that’s what you want. You want him to check how you’re doing, want his attention. You didn’t have much of it before, but now that you do, who are you to stop to get more of it? You know he’s blaming himself and a part of you thinks ‘he should be’ while the other side of you wants to reach out and tell him that you’re fine and that he shouldn’t bother with you anymore.

But you can't help yourself. You're in contact with Katy, although lately you don't bother to reply back. You still read her messages only to find out that Nash is asking for you. He's worried and something stirs inside you because he never exactly showed his worry for you before. Only now, when you're breaking down and destroying yourself, it is apparent that that is the only way to keep him close.

What you didn’t expect is for your feelings only to grow stronger.

You’re not exactly sure how it happens. Must have been because of those gin-tonic drinks you made yourself back at the apartment and then those jäger-colas at the bar that you don’t realize until you hear his voice. You’re holding your head, but when you hear him call your name you look only to see him standing in front of you.

He's panting like he was running and his eyes are wide, but before you can say his name, his hands are cupping your face and he’s kissing you. It’s hot and needy, but at the same time it's also soft like he was waiting too long for this. And instead of pushing him away, you cling to his arms, returning the kiss.

Never again.

It was just a fling. He told himself that many times. And surprisingly it worked each and every time. He never held any emotions for anyone. Not even when you came along.

Yet you were anything but.

You were the complete opposite of him.

An enigma he was curious about.

A forbidden fruit that tempted him the longer he watched you from afar.

And when he approached you, you hid instead, too shy, too embarrassed for his advances. It tempted him more than he dared to admit, but most of all, he wanted to break through your defense just to see you break. He wanted to see you reach for him in any case, wanted you to call for him no matter what, no matter the time.

The moment he realized he fell for you hard, deeper than he intended to, the two of you were lying in his bed on a Saturday morning. His mother was in the kitchen, preparing breakfast with his father already gone to work. You were so beautiful, sleeping in his arms that he couldn’t help but marvel at how the sun shone down on your skin.

You stirred in your sleep, crunching your nose and it made him laugh. You could make the cutest expressions he knew and he didn’t care about it at all. He didn’t care if he laughed or made a fool of himself in front of you. If it made you laugh, kept you safe from anything then he’ll become a fool just for you.

Yet there was one thing neither of you expected. The disapproval of your parents. Although your father wasn’t entirely against the relationship, your mother on the other hand was a complete opposite.

“My answer is no and that is final.”

Your eyes were wide as she spoke those words. Nash couldn’t deny that he thought of the possibility of them being against. He understood your father to not give away his only daughter to a playboy like him, but what hurt the most was that you stood up against them.

“I love him, mom!” you claimed, eyes tearful before you looked at your father for help. As expected, you didn’t receive any.

“I’ve heard of his reputation, [Name], and it’s nothing good.” She stared directly at Nash, who lowered his head in shame.

For the first time he felt the shame of his wrongdoings.

“I do not approve of this relationship and nothing will change my mind.”

“You’re unbelievable!” you huffed, which only worsened the whole situation.

“Nash…” you whimper, clinging on his arms for support, eyes shut tight like you’re afraid he’ll disappear the moment you open them.

He kisses the corner of your lips and your cheek and you can’t help but cry. He’s holding you like you’ll break any moment and it only makes you feel worse.

“It’s okay,” he whispers into your hair, caressing your back. “I’m here and I’m not leaving.”

You’re not sure how much time passes, but you soon find yourself sitting on a bed back at your grandmother’s place. Nash is holding you in his arms, your grandmother looking at you in worry before she leaves once she sees you return back to your senses.

“Nash?” Your voice is hoarse, quiet and instead of answering you, he only tightens his embrace.

“I’m sorry…” he whispers and if it weren’t for the quiet room, you wouldn’t be able to hear him. “I’m so sorry.”

You remain quiet, despite wanting to tell him that it’s okay. But you know it would be a lie and so would he.

“I thought it was for your own good, believe me.” He pleads. You try to pull away, but he doesn’t budge. “I love you so much that I wouldn’t go against your parents, just so I wouldn’t be a reason for your arguments.” Your eyes widen at his words. “I know I messed up before we started going out, hell even when we started. I fucked up so many times, yet you remained by my side. I would be a fool if I said you didn’t have an effect on me.”

“T-then why…” you can’t end your sentence as your eyes fill with tears once again. It still hurts to remember the day he broke up with you.

“I met with your mom.”

You freeze. You haven’t talked with your mother in such a long time that it feels weird hearing it from Nash.

“She’s sick worried about you. She approached me after what Katy told me and-and-and we talked.” Pulling away, he looks at you and smiles sadly before he wipes away the tears from your cheeks. “She cares for you so much and I know I made a mistake. A big one.” He laughs more at himself. “I should have fought for you, show them how much you mean to me, but I was a coward. Just like you said, I don’t think you deserve me.”

You’re cupping his face, brushing his cheeks, staring into his eyes. “You’re an idiot.” You choke on your own words. “I know my mom; I know eventually she’d soften up the longer you’d remain by my side. You’re such an idiot.”

“I know,” he’s nodding, covering your hands with his. “I’m the biggest idiot there is.”

You chuckle and Nash smiles. “And so am I.” you admit.

“You’re not.” He shakes his head.

“I am,” you sigh and look away, releasing his face. “I’m such a fool for worrying everyone. I know they just want me to be safe and happy, but—” you look at him; “—the happiest I’ve been, was with you.”

“We can work it out.”

“Can we really? After all the things I’ve done back home and here. After the things I’ve posted. I was jealous, Nash. Jealous that whoever would catch your eye next, could make you happier than I did. I was angry at myself for not standing up to mom even more.” You’re rambling, feeling overwhelmed the longer you remind yourself of the past. “If only I fought harder for us.”

“You did.” Nash says as he holds your chin, forcing you to look at him. “I was the first to give up on us, not you. You fought for me, for us, but I was the first to bolt. How can I ever get you back? To gain your trust once more?”

“You never lost my trust, or love, Nash.” You whisper. “After all this time I still love you so much it hurts.”

Without another word, Nash kisses you on the lips. For a moment you hesitate and like he could feel it he’s ready to pull away, but you move, pulling him closer instead.

“Forgive me…” he whispers against your lips.

You look into his eyes as they focus on your lips, his finger tracing down your cheek. “I already have.”

#Nash Gold Jr. #Nash x reader #Kuroko no Basket #safrinawrites #KNB fic #oneshot #KNB fanfiction #KNB fanfic #Nash fanfic #Nash fic #Nash Gold Jr #fanfiction #fanfic #Kuroko no Basket Last Game #Kuroko no Basket Extra Game #KNB Last Game #KNB Extra Game #KNB oneshot

[a-clockwork-justice]

Everything I Love About Loser Geek Whatever

So, not too long ago, it was the third birthday of Loser Geek Whatever. Yes, I know the single was released on November 30th 2018 and its considered the song’s official birthday, but the 26th July three years ago was the first showing of the 2018 Off-Broadway revival of Be More Chill and the first time Loser Geek Whatever was shown to the world in any capacity. Therefore, I consider that day to be the song’s unoffical birthday and I’ve been waiting to write down everything I love about it so here I am. (This was originally gonna be posted on the 26th July but I can’t make anything concise so it took longer than that).

I’ve gone on and on about what Loser Geek Whatever means to me personally, how a slew of random chance introduce me to it, got me deep into Be More Chill, introduced me to 90% of my current friends, and overall up-ended my whole life, but now it’s time to dissect the song itself and why it’s so great. As much as I adore Loser Geek Whatever, it could’ve easily been any other song that threw me down a rabbit hole and that I could’ve latched onto- no, wait, it couldn’t have been, because Loser Geek Whatever is unique in that way. I did about a year of music at A-Level so I’m gonna delve into some of the technical aspects here too. I’m chronicling this mostly for myself so I am going as deep as I see fit because this song is a treasure hiding yet more treasures. If you happen to love Loser Geek Whatever as much as I do, this’ll be your goldmine.

So, grab a snack my fellow fans, because here’s a comprehensive list of everything to love about Loser Geek Whatever in roughly chronological order. Long post incoming:

The song starts off strong from the first millisecond - I don’t know what instrument(s) they used but just listen to the single version again - that opening chord blares at you like a siren. It calls for your attention, screaming this is incredibly important, and indeed it is. That chord, an F chord, has no indication as to whether it’s major or minor - it’s just the tonic F with its dominant C and another tonic F above it. In other words, it’s unresolved, it hangs in the air. From a narrative standpoint, Jeremy is at a crossroads, torn between giving into the SQUIP or staying loyal to Michael, and the music paints this. It has the same effect on both the single and album versions - I always hold my breath as it holds, it’s the gap in this crucial transition for Jeremy between who he was and him becoming something he isn’t.

To continue the thread of musical painting, the melody line contains the accidental E-flat which doesn’t belong to the key of F major. This once again illustrates Jeremy’s uncertainty, but there’s more - the whole introduction is a slowed-down version of the Apocalypse of the Damned theme from Two Player Game, arguably the point in the show when Michael and Jeremy’s relationship was at its strongest. Jeremy’s recalling everything he had with Michael, but the slowing down of the melody shows hesitancy, along with highlighting the accidental E flat. These latter points of course aren’t unique to Loser Geek Whatever - they’re also in the section of Upgrade that twins with Loser Geek Whatever. I’m just laying out why they work so well. 

I’m glad I waited until after I saw the show in London to finish writing this - I’m something of a Loser Geek Whatever purist, as made clear by my ire at them cutting it in half and tacking the end of Upgrade back on for the London version. I still enjoyed the show in London though and I’m glad I knew about this change ahead of time, because they did change something about the song that I think really worked - they added two notes in the bass to each bar, like heartbeats, which once again signifies Jeremy’s uncertancy and the importance of this major turning point.

It’s been firmly established by this point that Jeremy is a loser and he knows it. He doesn’t want to be a hero, he just wants to survive, but there’s a difference between that and feeling “inconsequential.” Jeremy is basically admitting that, in his eyes, it doesn’t matter to the world or anyone except Michael if he even survives or not. He’s not just a loser, or a geek - he’s a whatever, with no one caring who he is. And he’s felt this way for years - since middle school began. He’s now in his Junior year of high school - that’s five years of being in this state of being unnoticed at best and picked on at worst. He’s “the one who’s left out”. With just one little line, hell, one word, we’re given more layers as to why he so badly wants to change that.

Moving from the first verse to the chorus, we start to see Jeremy’s attitude shift, from being sad to being angry - he’s frustrated, resentful that he’s spent so long in this state (A lot of people have made similar comparisons about Will Roland’s Jeremy as a whole in relation to Will Connolly’s Jeremy and I think this song exemplifies that). He doesn’t deserve to feel this horrible - not now and certainly not for the next two years until he and Michael can be “cool in college.” When you think about it, what options does he really have? He could either give into the SQUIP or reject it and go back to where he was, still miserable and lonely. Yes, he has Michael and Michael is an amazing, kind, loyal best friend, but as many have pointed out, he’s also dismissive of Jeremy’s feelings of inadequacy whether he means to be or not, which only made Jeremy feel more lonely. Should Jeremy just expect to feel better about himself at some point before college? He’s waited for years, why would that happen at any other point?

More layers baby! Second verse, Jeremy rants on about his father’s advice about following his own instincts and how it’s gotten him nowhere he wants to be. Come to think of it, Michael’s advice about staying the same and waiting for their environment to change can be seen as similar - it’s arguably easier for Michael as he has two loving mothers who undoutably give him plenty of positive reinforcement. Meanwhile, Jeremy’s mother has left them, which likely instilled further feelings of not being good enough, and his father has fallen apart to the point where he can’t even put pants on, let alone step up to take care of his son, meaning that Jeremy likely isn’t going to take his advice very seriously, especially after it’s failed him so thoroughly. But to Jeremy, the problem isn’t necessarily the advice itself - it’s that it’s being followed by him. So now he’s going to turn around and put his life and every choice in something else’s hands, even if - no, especially if it goes against his own instincts. It still doesn’t feel quite right, it “feels bizarre”, but it’s getting him somewhere, so it has to be right in the most meaningful capacity, and to Jeremy, the “most meaningful capacity” is any capacity that isn’t his own.

Now the best line - the one about being a “normal, handsome guy”. Let’s get this on the table - Jeremy is trans. Will Roland himself said that he often thinks of the show’s young trans fans when he sings that line. Naturally, societal transphobia plus gender dysphoria would have a pretty catestrophic effect on the self-esteem of any growing teenager, even more so one in Jeremy’s situation for the reasons I’ve just laid out. He’s probably missed out on a lot of things that “normal” guys take for granted, with most girls barely looking in his direction, let alone in any positive manner. Jeremy’s own sexuality aside, it’s mostly society, and the SQUIP by extension, that considers scoring with girls to be a “manly” or masculine activity, and through Brooke treating him as dateable material, Jeremy feels better about fitting into society’s rules of how a man should be and act. This isn’t the only reason he feels good about Brooke finding him attractive, of course, but it’s just another layer that Jeremy sees more value in conforming to how society says he should be rather than in how he actually is.

I know I just said that the last point was about the best line, but honestly, there’s more than one best line in this song. The bridge is where we start to see Jeremy’s language becoming more technologically inclined - “prompt”, “command” and “bandwidth” are all terms used in computing and used to show how Jeremy is likening himself, or his intentions, to a computer, effectivly merging himself and his SQUIP into one entity and Jeremy willingly giving over his own individuality.

And HERE, we get to the kicker. I’ve talked a lot about layers throughout this whole essay, about themes and motifs building on each other. Jeremy is essentially peeling back the layers of his own situation and only finding reason after deeper reason after deeper reason as to why he should follow the SQUIP and not be a loser anymore. Now, he hits the core, the seed, the crux of it all - “The problem has ALWAYS BEEN ME!!” Everything he is, everything that makes Jeremy Heere himself, is and has always been wrong. This line is a gut punch and EVERYONE knows it - the performer always takes a few seconds to let it sink in before continuing.

As an aside, I wanna mention the differences between the single and the album versions of the bridge. The album version starts of quieter after the vocalising of the last chorus, and builds up to the climactic final line, while the single version is loud all the way through but gets even louder and punchier at the end. Both are good, but I personally prefer the single version - the album sounds like Jeremy is broken and desperate and on the verge of tears as he reaches his inevitable but ugly realisation. The single is also desperate, but it’s pleading and all-consuming and a THOUSAND times more powerful, I get chills every time I hear it. (Side note, the London version starts of loud like the single and ends quieter like the album, almost as if Jeremy is reluctant to admit what he truly believes about himself, and it’s easy to see why, it’s a damn harsh condemnation).

“Take a breath and get prepared” - Jeremy sings to both himself and the audience. The first half has been heavy and we need a breather. Yet just before he goes over the brink, he has second thoughts. His conscience, his own voice in his head, breaks through, warning him that his choice will have consequences for other people than himself. People will get hurt - Michael most of all. Not just by Jeremy ditching him; here’s something else - when Jeremy is the “cool dude”, he might end up being a bully to those who are losers just like him, cutting them down just as Rich’s SQUIP made Rich do to him. Who would be the perfect target for Jeremy’s potential future bullying? His former best friend and fellow loser, Michael Mell. It’s pretty damn likely that if the SQUIP hadn’t optic nerve blocked Michael, it would’ve told Jeremy to pick on him, and even though Michael has ostensibly been pretty good at brushing these things off before, the takedowns would hurt a LOT more coming from his former best friend - and we know this because IT ACTUALLY HAPPENS, granted without the SQUIP influencing Jeremy directly (also let’s just clear up that just because the SQUIP wasn’t on doesn’t mean its influence on Jeremy hadn’t disappeared - that’s not how emotional abuse works).

Twelve years of loyal friendship, of borderline unhealthy codependency … can he throw all that away for Christine, a girl he’s thus admired from afar and is only just starting to get to know as a person? Moreover, even if Jeremy gets Christine, what about himself, who he wants to be? He just wants to be something other than himself because he thinks that anything is better but … what? The cool dude, the hero or … whatever. He’ll take anything because he’s that desperate, but what about when he gets it? Will he finally be satisfied? Will it be worth failing his one real friend, an act so scummy that the only way he could possibly stomach it would be to somehow pretend he hadn’t done it?

But none of those questions matter to Jeremy now - he’s fully gaslit into believing that every thought and inclination that comes from himself is wrong and shouldn’t be followed. He needs to sync up with the SQUIP and the rest of the world and mute his own defective inner voice. When you think about it, the relationship between Jeremy and the SQUIP is one of the most intense abusive relationships ever put to fiction - we’ve seen emotional abuse and brainwashing before, but here, Jeremy is literally preventing from THINKING the wrong way because the SQUIP can detect his every thought. See what I mean when I say that doesn’t go away when the SQUIP turns off for a few minutes?!

Throughout all of this is the undercurrent of Jeremy wanting to get better. He’s been trying so hard for so long to have a better life, but nothing has worked. Not listening to his dad, not trying to get closer to Christine through theatre, and certainly not listening to Michael’s advice to wait until college. Why should he resign himself to even more time being miserable with no end in sight? After all, being cool in college isn’t a guarantee. After all he’s been through, it’s his turn to finally be cool, after an eternity of being someone he doesn’t want to be.

Another best line in this song - “I’m Player One.” As mentioned a few times in the show before, like in the Broadway upgrade, Jeremy feels lower even in his friendship with Michael - he’s Player 2 as the more experienced Michael is Player 1. As previously established, Jeremy admits that he’s “not the one who the story’s about.” Now he’s ready to finally take control of his life, be the main character and have good things happen to him, and that means cutting out Michael, the old Player 1. The irony here is that Jeremy is less like Player 1 and more like a video game avatar. In reality, the SQUIP is Player 1, making Jeremy do whatever it demands of him.

More best lines! The slew of insults towards the end serves not just as yet more gut punches for the audience but as a major catharsis for Jeremy - It’s telling that the insults get harsher as his rant goes on, from the “weirdo” to the “weakling freak” to the “failure” to the climactic “please don’t speak”. He’s unloading everything that he’s been carrying over the years, ripping out the bullets that have been embedded in his skin and re-opening all the wounds in the process, but he’s done with the pain and he’ll never ever let himself be hurt like that again, if he follows the SQUIP.

I’ve made a whole post about the significance of the best line “Please Don’t Speak” before so I’ll mostly be repeating a lot of what I said there because it’s been a while since that post and because I want to. Who would’ve said that to Jeremy? Probably not Rich or Chloe, it’s not like them. It had to have come from an adult in a position of authority that could’ve commanded Jeremy not to speak like that - one that apparently did so enough times for him to internalise those words like he did the others. (Even worse if it was more than one adult ...). Out of all of the insults, it’s easy to see how that can easily be the most scarring out of all of them - how would an adult let a child know they’re inadequate? By silencing them. Making it clear that their expression of self not only means nothing, but should be forcibly avoided. Put like that, it makes it much easier to see how and why Jeremy fell under the SQUIP’s influence so easily - telling it was hardly different from authority figures he’s experienced before. In even more sad irony, as Jeremy claims that he’s breaking free and letting go of his past as the “please don’t speak”, he’s just walking right into another, similar trap that he can’t easily escape from. The SQUIP literally vocal cord blocks him during The Play - if that doesn’t say “Please don’t speak,” what does?!

The climax is growing! The music shifts into the relative minor as Jeremy fully gives in to the SQUIP’s evil influence. This is the point of no return, the point where he’s literally being surrounded and overtaken - if you’ve seen this on stage or even just a bootleg, you’ll know what I mean, when the lighting shifts and the circuitry start closing in around him, it’s wonderful. The bass ascends, Jeremy declares once and for all that HE IS NOT THE LOSER, THE GEEK, OR WHATEVER, and he never will be again! As some have pointed out, the sequence of notes on the final “again” is the same as at the end of Be More Chill Part 2, except the last note is different. In BMC part 2, it goes further down by a minor third, but in Loser Geek Whatever, it rises up to the same note it started with. This foreshadows Jeremy’s fate - that he will eventually overcome the SQUIP and that he still has it in him to do so. Man, let me just point out how amazing that last belt is - it lasts for a full 15 seconds in a really high range and takes a LOT of control to bring it back up to the high B without breaking. This song really was written for Will Roland - his voice can pull it off seamlessly, but other actors and understudies have had to find workarounds. No disrespect to them, it’s a damn hard song and it kicks ass all the way through. Scott Folan apparently had trouble with it too, but on the day I happened to see him, he pulled it off without breaking, so props to him!

Overall, Loser Geek Whatever is my favourite song in Be More Chill and not just for its sentimental value to myself. It’s a genuinely deep, complex piece that earned every second of its six minutes. Loser Geek Whatever is definitely the missing piece the show needed - not only is it Jeremy’s solo song, it’s also his “I Want” song and, in a way, his 11 o’clock number all in one, as he’s having a major epiphany after going on a journey, albeit only half of one. It’s easy to see why Joe Iconis dubbed this his anti-Defying Gravity, but it’s also easy to draw parallels to No Good Deed - how both Jeremy and Elphaba vow to become something that society is forcing upon them rather than what they are, even if that society’s will is objectively worse for them. Loser Geek Whatever deserves a thousand times the recognition it has and I still wonder to this day what the fandom reaction would’ve been if it had been in the original soundtrack.

So, that was it. I’m not sorry it was this long.

TL;DR: Loser Geek Whatever is wonderful and anyone who doesn’t think so is wrong.

#be more chill #loser geek whatever #joe iconis #will roland #be more chill meta #music theory #broadway be more chill #be more chill 2.0 #be more chill 3.0 #musical theatre theory #tw depression #jeremy heere #michael mell #be more chill analysis #tw emotional abuse #trans jeremy heere

[outofgloom]

The Matoran Language [2021]

[also on Twitter btw!]

Over the past year, I‘ve been hard(ly) at work on something I’m calling the Third Edition of the Matoran Dictionary. There’ve been many developments, but as I’ve worked on that project, I’ve realized more and more that it is fundamentally different from other conlang work that I’ve done in the past. It’s a different branch of creativity--still language-related, but more like telling a story, at this point...

With that said, at the end of November 2020, it came into my head to look back at past Matoran work. So I dusted off the old documents, looked through old posts...and what I found was something...fragmented, incomplete, and inaccessible to most. Explanations are vague and scattered, ideas are half-formed. So far, I really just hadn’t had the motivation to create a fully-fledged usable Matoran conlang, with enough material for anyone to work with. 

I hadn’t had the motivation, that is, until now.

In this post, you will find links to two different documents, in both a PDF version and a (viewer-only) link to a working Google Doc:

The first doc is called the Introduction to the Matoran Language. It is 80+ pages long, with 7 chapters of material describing a revised Matoran Language, now called Matoric, in some detail--spelling, phonology, morphology, syntax, and semantics. I’ve kept the explanations to a beginner/intermediate level at the start, moving into more advanced material later on. If you have studied any of my Matoran material in the past, you may find this a good starting point. A lot has changed, but you might still recognize some things along the way!

LINK: Introduction to the Matoran Language [PDF] LINK: Introduction to the Matoran Language [Google Doc]

The second doc is called A Phrasebook of Matoric. It is 30ish pages long and contains a list of phrases and vocabulary, “cultural notes” for its intended Agori readers, and a simplified reference grammar of Matoric. If you are new to language-learning or grammatical terminology, or you’re just looking for Matoran words, this is a good place to start.

LINK: A Phrasebook of Matoric [PDF] LINK: A Phrasebook of Matoric [Google Doc]

I consider both of these documents to be drafts, and I’ll continue to update and develop them, adding additional material as it is created. My goal is to produce a large amount of additional vocabulary.

What about the Third Edition of the Matoran Dictionary? It still proceeds! I suspect, however, that the documents posted here will be of much greater interest to people in the BIONICLE community in the short-term, since they enable anyone who is interested to learn and utilize the Matoran Language for their own purposes.

#bionicle #matoran language #conlanging #outofgloom #matoric #reference #2021

[princessphilly]

Word count: 5627

Tag list:  @ohpuckyeah, @joelsfarabee, @besthockeyfics. @dreamer1430 @Defiant-Mouse @miracleonice87 @lovethepreds @linkingdolans @chicagostylehockey @heatherlcrosby87 @hockeywocs @shortstacks-blog @heatherawoowoo @newlibrary @markymarkstrom @iangiemae @puckbitchesgetmoney @missymore @himbos-on-ice @fiveholegoal @no-pucks-given @pagirl6866 @willieshakesqueer @nazdaddy @whatishockey @alphalib22 @romanseggy @laurenairay @texanstarslove @konecny-s @cutiesara23 @myhockeyworld87 @extratragic @squidlywiddly87 @stuff4me2do​ @allinangel93 @mydarkestsecretlol​

CW: angst, meeting the family, references to the n-word, people sucking

I decided to go ahead and finish it when I got a sudden burst of creativity when I came home.

*

Nina snuggled in bed, a happy little sigh leaving her lips. Sidney looked at her, a fond smile on his face. It had been a month since they were back together and life was almost perfect. Well, they were 6-3-2, 14 points earned which was okay but not where Sidney wanted the team to be. It was still early in the season, it was mid-November so there was plenty of time to right the ship. He and the boys would fix it. Sidney sighed before attempting to try to go back to sleep. However, he heard the sound of a door opening and he sat up, pushing the covers down inadvertently. 

Sidney racked his brain. It was Sunday, Marta, his housekeeper’s day off. Mario or Nathalie would have called before coming over. He had no idea who the hell it could be. “Fuck,” Sidney breathed. There were only two people who would do a surprise visit and one of them was a week earlier for the Moms trip. 

Lightly brushing his fingers over Nina’s side, Sidney urged, “Pretty girl, wake up.”

It was roughly 8am so it wasn’t hard to get Nina, an early riser by nature to wake up. “Urgh, mawning,” Nina mumbled as she cracked open her eyes. Sidney looked anxious and agitated which made Nina focus. 

Sidney opened his mouth, then closed it. If he was right, he was fucked and his pretty girl was probably going to run away screaming. He finally said, “Um, someone just opened the door and there are exactly five people other than me who have a key. There are two who’d do a surprise visit.”

Looking down, Nina was thankful that she had on one of Sidney’s shirts and shorts while sleeping. “Well, fuck, at least I’m not naked,” she said pointedly. Sidney had the grace to blush as Nina continued, “If it’s what you think it is, you need to get that under control,” pointing at his rather obvious morning wood. Sidney pulled the covers back over himself and Nina

Then a voice called out, “Morming, Sid!”

Sidney sighed in relief. It was Taylor, not his mom. Nina noticed it and arched an eyebrow. “Eh, it’s my sister, pretty girl.”

“Shit,” Nina fretted. This was going to be awkward, she didn’t even know if she wanted to meet his family but now, she was going to,have to. At least it was a sister.

The door creaked open and a blonde-haired head peeked in. “Boo,” Taylor said. Then her eyes perked when she saw who Sidney was with. 

Nina groaned. Her hair was in a scarf, it was obvious she slept over and fuck, fuck, fuck. A devious smile spread on Taylor’s face. “Nice to see that you finally let a girlfriend sleep in your room, Sidney.”

“Shut the fuck up, Taylor,” Sidney yelled as his little sister giggled before closing the door.

Nina facepalmed. “That was fun. Fun fun fun.”

Rolling onto her front, Nina mumbled, “I’m not ready to meet your family.”

“I’ve already met yours,” Sidney reasoned. 

“That was because Yanni was part of your Lil Penguins program. That was work related for you, doesn’t count.”

Trailing his fingers down Nina’s back, Sidney replied, “True but, it still counts. What are you doing next weekend?”

“I’m going to be in Philly for a wedding.”

Nina turned onto her left side, facing Sidney. Sidney sucked his bottom lip into his mouth before letting it go. “Don’t get any ideas.”

She slipped off the bed, pulling the scarf off her braids, letting them fall down her back. Rummaging through her clothes on the floor, Nina pulled out her bra. Pulling her shirt off, she put it on to the sound of Sidney’s groans. Nina rolled her eyes. “I’m stuck having to meet your sister because she decided to give you a surprise visit. I’m not meeting her without wearing a bra.”

“But you look so amazing without one,” Sidney replied. 

 Nina shook her head before leaving his bedroom. Making her way to the kitchen, Nina literally bumped into Taylor. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry,” Nina gasped. 

“I’m okay,” Taylor reassured Nina, taking the moment to check out this girl that Sidney was now seeing. She wasn’t exactly what Taylor was expecting but one thing that Taylor liked about Nina was that she had kind eyes. Taylor had heard about her over the years, especially that Nina had kept rejecting Sidney. Her brother rarely heard the word no so that made Nina intriguing to her. 

Taylor offered, “Have you had breakfast yet?”

“No, and I’m hungry.”

Opening the fridge, Taylor took out the ingredients to make omelets. Nina sat at the island, a pensive look on her face. “You know, I totally didn’t expect to meet you this way. This is awkward as fuck.”

“Eh, don’t feel bad, I should have given Sid a heads up,” Taylor replied. “Plus, I’ve heard about you over the years.”

“Oh really?”

Taylor laughed as she cracked eggs. “Sidney couldn’t shut up about you. First it was he met this nice girl at work. Then, it was that you kept telling him no and he was confused. Later, he was beating himself up because he managed to fuck up before he could even ask you out. I really enjoyed that, I liked that you kept not only telling him no but when he pissed you off, you didn’t forgive him right away. I love my brother but his ego needs to get cut down sometimes.”

“True, he has a huge ego. He needs to take himself less seriously,” Nina concurred. “But it’s probably impossible to get him to do that.”

Taylor shrugged, pursing her lips. “At least he means well,” Nina added. 

Nodding, Taylor replied, “He does mean well, most of the time.”

“Already ganging up on me?”

They both laughed as Sidney entered the kitchen. “Why are you here, Taylor?”

“I went on a camping trip and I decided to be nosy and visit my big brother before heading home,” Taylor chirped. “The look on your face was worth it.”

“Hahaha. Should’ve called,” Sidney grumbled. 

Taylor quipped, “Oh, did I ruin your morning sex plans? I’m so sorry.”

Nina snorted as she laughed. Sidney gave her hurt eyes and Nina blew him a kiss. 

“Don’t worry Sid, I’m not staying long. Just enough to rest and then get back on the road,” Taylor said. 

“You drove,” Nina asked. Sidney was now standing right behind her and she could feel his hands massaging her shoulders. 

Taylor nodded as she flipped the first omelet. “You’re not what I expected, Nina. You’re way too pretty for a hockey player like my brother.”

Sidney wanted to kill his little sister as she continued to chirp him. Well, not only chirp him but ruin his planned lazy morning sex. But as he watched his sister and Nina interact playfully, Sidney could admit there was a slight good point. Taylor and Nina were hitting it off and Sidney knew that Nina would meet his family soon. This was a good sign. 

**

However, after practice four days later, Sidney was wishing his sister had never stopped by. Nina had been incredibly busy all week and Sidney knew he wouldn’t see her until next week due to her trip out of town. He was feeling extra irritable and hearing his name over the tv didn’t help. 

“So, two weeks ago, Sidney Crosby admitted that he was having relationship issues that were affecting him on the ice.”

Tanger went to change the channel on the tv in the lounge, muttering, “Fucking ESPN.”

“Shh, keep it on,” Sidney urged, crossing his arms over his chest. He wanted to see what kind of bullshit ESPN was saying now.

A couple of the guys stopped to check out the TV. Kevin Neghandi laughed as he responded, “Yeah, he admitted that after breaking a slump. Ever since, he’s been on a 2 point-per-game streak. But this really isn’t about him.”

“Huh,” said Geno, scratching his head.

Buccigross continued, “There was a picture of Crosby and his girlfriend posted on the internet, a nice picture. Someone posted it and made a derogatory statement about his girlfriend, Nina Jackson. This player is a player for Clemson.”

Neghandi laughed again. “Ms. Jackson has a younger brother named Jason Jackson. He was also the number 20 prospect, number 1, 5 star tight end. He also now plays for UNC.”

Sidney chuckled as he realized exactly where this was going. The guy on the tv continued, “Clemson and UNC had the rare Thursday night game last night. #1 Clemson went to the Tar Heels, ranked #22 and got spanked, 56-30. Jason Jackson had 10 catches, 200 yards receiving, and 3 TDs. His response in the postgame.”

The tv showed a clip of Jason talking to the media. A reporter asked, “What inspired you to have such a big game tonight.”

“Lowell decided he needed to talk about my sister on the gram so I had to put him in his place,” Jason drawled.

Sidney’s phone buzzed and it was a message from Nina. my brother is so dramatic 🙄

Nice to know he’ll always have your back, Sidney sent Nina. 

**

Nina smiled happily as she looked at the Thai food on plate. She was so hungry and excited to see Jamila face to face in person for lunch. Her friend looked more vibrant than usual, as life was treating her good. They made small talk until Jamila said, “I heard something about you, that you aren’t single for the first time in forever.”

“Oh really?”

Jamila looked at her best friend. “You’re dating Mayo boy.”

“What?!?” Perplexed, Nina stared at Jamila while Jamila rolled her eyes. 

“Sidney Crosby is like Mayo. Super white. Damn, my dating habits really did rub off on you. Welcome to being a basic bitch like me.”

It was Nina’s turn to roll her eyes. “Stop being so fucking dramatic, Jamila Brown.”

“I was an actress, I’m supposed to be dramatic. Tell Mayo boy if he ever breaks your heart, I’ll kill and cremate whatever’s left of him after your father and brother are finished with him.”

“Are you really gonna nickname him that?”

Jamila smirked at Nina and Nina sighed. Shrugging elegantly, Jamila replied, “I’m a part of Philly sports Twitter. I got lots of other names I could call him.

“Be a bigger bitch, Mila.”

“He gets a better nickname when he lets you fully run his pockets. And don’t give me that look, don’t be afraid of being called a gold digger. They are probably calling you worse names. Make Mayo boy run that card up when he takes you on baecation. Once that happens, I’ll upgrade his nickname.”

Nina sighed as she looked at the menu. Jamila reached out and put her hand out, covering Nina’s menu. “You know I’m just playing, right?”

“I don’t want to talk about it now, let’s talk about Toyin’s wedding instead,” Nina murmured. 

It was Jamila’s turn to sigh. “I’m sorry, Nina. I’m sorry for being a bitch. I shouldn’t be taking out my bad mood on you. I hate men.”

“Not forgiven yet,” Nina snarked. 

Jamila looked pensive as she said, “I like this guy but I don’t want to admit I like him. He’s like too perfect, too nice, well not that nice. He actually gives a fuck.”

“Let me guess, you’re scared and about to do something super stupid,” Nina dryly replied.

Jamila gave Nina a shocked look before she slumped in her chair. “I don’t want to,” she pouted. 

Nina reasoned, “Then don’t. Just ride it out for once.”

“Easy for you to say,” Jamila replied. 

Nina shrugged as her phone buzzed. It was a message from Sid, well really just a picture of him sweaty post-practice. Nina left him on read, she would get him back later for that. “Stop being stupid, and stop self-sabotaging.”

Jamila rolled her eyes as she ate her food. After swallowing, she arched an eyebrow. “Mayo boy sent you a message?”

“Yeah, but I’m focusing on you. I’ll see him next week… and his parents.”

“This is going fast,” Jamila commented. 

Nina bit her lip before saying, “I guess he had to wait eighty-four years, I mean five years, so he’s going to take advantage while they are in town.”

“Interesting.”

Nina pointed out, “At least I’m giving my relationships a chance, unlike you.”

“Fuck you.” 

Jamila gave Nina an exaggerated nasty look as Nina quipped, “I’m strictly dickly, bitch.”

The conversation switched to safer topics. However, throughout the wedding weekend, Nina had the thought in the back of her mind that maybe things were going a bit too fast. 

**

“Well, Taylor says she likes her. I checked out her instagram account and she doesn’t even mention you. Lots of nice vacation pictures though.”

Sidney looked at his mom from across the table. Trina had a pensive look on her face. Troy raised his eyebrows before leaning back in his chair. 

Sidney reasoned, “I want you two to meet her. Give her a chance. Nina is amazing, I’m lucky that she even likes me.”

“Why wouldn’t she like you, you’re Sidney Crosby,” Trina scoffed. 

Sidney shrugged. “Nina’s a PhD student and everything. It hasn’t been easy for her either.”

“Interesting,” Trina said. 

Nina herself was feeling extra nervous. She wasn’t sure if she was ready to meet Sidney’s parents, especially after having to turn in a huge paper and part of her thesis to her advisor. But, as she shook her head and smoothed down her shirt, they were in town and she was going to try to make her best impression.

Midway through dinner, Nina began to wish she was somewhere else on this Friday night. While Troy, Sidney’s dad, seemed nice, it felt like Trina was judging every single thing she did. Every reply Trina made to Nina’s questions was in a dry voice, as if it was boring her. Nina felt a bit discouraged. Sidney obviously loved his parents but it felt like his mother didn’t like her. 

On the other hand, Trina felt like Nina was looking down on them. It seemed like she was mentioning her PhD program, her thesis, like she was too smart for them and her boy. Trina sipped her water as there was a pause. She didn’t know about this girl but at least, every time she looked at Sidney, Trina could see the stars and hearts in her eyes.

Nina looked at Sidney, her palms sweating. She didn’t know what to say as she looked down at her plate. Her appetite was gone. Sidney, himself, didn’t really notice anything as he answered his father’s questions about the beginning of the season. Then Troy turned to Nina. 

“So what do you plan to do now that you’re with Sidney,” Troy casually asked.

Nina replied, “I have about two more years left before I finish earning my PhD. I plan to continue to work and I may teach a class or two.”

“You still plan to work,” Trina asked.

Nina nodded. “Yes. I love what I do and I’m not wasting my degrees.”

“Why do you want to work?”

Nina could tell that Trina intended that question to be light but Nina could still feel the claws. She was tired of this passive-aggressive bullshit and ready to curse her out. But Nina couldn’t so she measured her words carefully. “I did four years of undergrad, three years of school for my doctors in physical therapy, and I will do four more years for my doctorate. Why would I stop working after earning my degrees?”

Trina paused; she had expected some trite, suck-up answer. But it seemed like Nina was serious. “I would think that if you were with my son, you’d rather not work.”

“I’m not built to be a housewife.” Nina laughed. “I love what I do and if I’m expected to stop for Sidney, then maybe I need to reevaluate some things.”

Trina felt like she lost control of this conversation. All she wanted was to see what kind of user her boy’s dream girl was. Now, she had the feeling that her son was going to get dumped and it was going to be her fault.

Sidney laughed. “I don’t expect you to be a housewife. You would be so bored if you were.”

Nina flashed Sidney a quick grin before adding, “Nathalie has let me know the responsibilities though. I’ve done lots of volunteer and charity work over the years so that isn’t new at all. I’m excited about the toy drive, I remember when my parents just got out of the army and cash was tight. I got my favorite doll as a kid from a toy drive.”

“That’s nice,” Trina said. Maybe this Nina girl wasn’t completely stuck up, she thought as the night continued. After a couple of hours, Nina said her goodbyes. It was getting late and she was spending the morning taking her little sister to volleyball practice. After she left, Trina let out a sigh as Sidney turned to her.

“You have to lay off on Nina, Mom.”

Trina turned to look at her son. Sidney was giving her his most serious look and she sighed. 

“I like her but I don’t know if she’s the one for you, Sid. It seems like she’s one step from leaving you,” Trina said. “I don’t see her sticking with you if things go bad.”

“Just because she plans to work?” 

Sidney gave his mother an assessing look. He knew she meant well but this wasn’t for her to decide. “This isn’t your problem.”

“Fine, I like that she has her own life. She’s not obsessed with you and she plans to be her own person,” Trina conceded. “But she’s different.”

He knew this was going to be hard, asking his mom to back off but Sidney knew he had to do it. Nina hadn’t said anything last night but Sidney could sense that she was tired of how his mother was acting. Sidney also knew that if Nina decided to cut ties, it would be completely over. Sidney started, “Compared to Nina, I’m a dumb hockey player. But what I have with her, I’ve never found with anyone else. If you have a problem with that, that’s you. But be civil to Nina.”

“Really, Sidney Patrick Crosby,” Trina said, incredulous. But the look on her son’s face was something she had never seen before. Even though she didn’t believe her son would really pick any woman over her, a voice at the back of her mind told her that if Sidney ever did, this would be the woman he’d pick over her.

**

It was Saturday night and Nina pasted another smile on her face. If Trina got snide again, Nina didn’t know if she could be nice about it. But at least they were in public. As they sat down for dinner, a couple of guys came up. Sidney and his family had perfect PR smiles but the guys stopped in front of Nina.

“Hey, aren’t you Jason Jackson’s sister?”

Nina grinned. “Yes.”

“Why did he have to have such a great game against Pitt today? He killed them,” one of the guys said.

Nina shrugged. “Pitt should play better defense.”

After the guys left, Troy asked, “your brother plays college football?”

“Yup. He was the top prospect in Pennsylvania last season. Games on tv and everything.”

“I didn’t know that,” Sidney murmured.

Nina giggled as she replied, “All you do is eat, sleep, and breathe hockey.”

Sidney blushed as everyone laughed at that statement. However, through the night, more people came by the table to give Nina props for her brother’s monster game than to try to get a glimpse of Sidney. Jason had 184 yards receiving and 2 TDs for UNC today and there was already buzz about Jason being on the fast track to the NFL. During a lull, Trina stated, “You must get asked about your brother a lot.”

“I’m used to it. Once ESPN comes to your brother’s games when he was a sophomore in high school, you have to get used to it,” Nina said with a shrug. “I’m old enough that it really doesn’t bother me.”

“How does your brother deal with it,” Sidney asked, curious as he remembered some of his early experiences with fame. 

Nina replied, “College football is a different beast than the pros. So, he’s on scholarship and his days are pretty much regimented with meetings, practice, classes, more meetings, video study. I ran track when I was in undergrad so my experience was slightly similar. Main difference is that Jase gets paid for his likeness in video games now and a percentage of any jersey sales with his name and number.”

“You ran track,” Troy asked. Unlike his wife, he felt a bit more open towards Nina. It was obvious that she didn’t need Sidney for anything and Troy could see that his son was able to relax in a way with Nina that he hadn’t been able to relax with a woman before. 

“I had a partial scholarship. I ran the 4x100 relay and the 100 meters. I didn’t have the athletic ability to race for a living but I did decent,” Nina stated, feeling a bit shy. It had been a long time since she even talked about her track career. “I was state champ my senior year and my team won silver at the Penn Relays my sophomore and junior years of college. Now, I just run to stay in shape.”

“Wow,” Sidney said, impressed. “Sounds like you loved it though.”

Nina flashed Sidney a grin. “I did, I love running. What most people forget is that you can’t just run for health, you have to run and do strength training and yoga or Pilates.” 

“Have you been to any of your brother’s games,” Troy asked. “Seems like they are doing well.”

Nina replied, “We went to the season opener. I will never go to North Carolina in August ever again if I can help it. I’m going to their game next weekend at Virginia Tech. We’ll probably go to the bowl game since my little sister will be off school that week.”

“Seems like you stay busy,” Trina mused. 

Nina couldn’t help a little glare as she managed to say without malice, “I plan my calendar in advance.”

Trina said, “That sounds good. You have a life outside of everything.”

“And I will continue to have a life outside of everything,” Nina said with a syrup-sweet smile.

**

Nina quietly washed her hands, glancing up to the mirror. Trina was looking down on her hands as she washed hers. Tentatively, Nina asked, “Are you having a good time on this trip?”

“I enjoyed the Moms’ trip,” Trina replied. 

Nina looked down at her hands as she dried them. This was so awkward and she wanted to cry. 

“Sidney Crosby is here, and so are his parents,” somebody exclaimed just outside the ladies bathroom. Trina and Nina both shared a look until another person said, “And his n-word girlfriend is here with them too.”

Nina opened her mouth but Trina put up a finger. The second person continued, “His mom doesn't look too happy with that black girl. Maybe you could get a chance, finally.”

The door opener and the two women came in, laughing. The laughter stopped when those women saw Nina and Trina. 

“You don’t have to worry about getting a chance with my son because there’s no way I’d let him be with someone like you when he’s with a lady like Nina,” Trina stated. 

The two women shared a look but Trina stared them down until they left. Nina let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding. “No wonder my son is always saying that it hasn’t been easy for you,” Trina offered. “Don’t worry, I’ll make sure they get kicked out.”

Nina sniffled as she said, “That’s the first time I’ve heard it in person. It’s usually nasty messages online. I really, really hate it. But I guess I’m going to be stuck with this for the rest of my life.”

Impulsively, Trina reached out and grabbed Nina’s hand. “From the way that my son looks at you, nasty women like those will just have to be angry forever.”

Nina giggled as they shared a look. It felt like there was a truce and she was going to take it. After Trina talked to the manager and got those women booted, Nina definitely felt like there was definitely a truce.

**

“Don’t take anything seriously. If they don’t like you, they’ll say absolutely nothing to you. If they make jokes, they like you.”

Two weeks after meeting Sid’s family, it was his turn to meet Nina’s family. The team was home for American Thanksgiving and they didn’t have a game until Friday evening this year. So Sidney was going with Nina to meet her extended family. He was feeling extra nervous and desperate to make a good impression. 

Sidney grimaced as Nina giggled. “Plus, it’s Aryanna’s birthday so they won’t be too mean. I think.”

“Anything else I need to worry about,” Sidney asked. 

Nina reached out over the console and touched Sidney’s hand. “Relax, it’s not a game. You can’t lose.”

“But, I want them-”

Cutting Sidney off, Nina said, “I know, you want them to like you. So be the dork that you are instead of faking like you aren’t a dork.”

Sidney felt a bit insulted but Nina gave him a dazzling smile. “I like it when you’re being dorky, anyway.”

**

Sidney tried hard to follow Nina’s advice. There were so many people that he couldn’t keep them all straight so he focused on making sure he remembered the names of the older people in Nina’s family. There was Mawmaw, the family matriarch, Tracey and Vernon, Nina’s parents, Aunt Tasha who baked the sweet potato pie that he was having his third slice of, Aunt Dee, Uncle Tony, and Uncle Bashir. All of the cousins kinda blurred together but Sidney figured he’d learn their names quickly. 

Overall, he felt like everything was going well. Sidney answered everyone’s questions and he guessed his answers were good since one of Nina’s older cousins told him his new nickname was White Boy. Nina had snickered while some of the younger ones giggled. Right now, Sidney was talking to Aunt Tasha. “What would it take to get you to bake me a pie of my own,” Sidney asked. 

Tasha laughed while Tracey smirked. Tracey interjected, “Oh no, Tasha gonna be bragging about this forever. ‘Guess who came to Thanksgiving and loved my sweet potato pie? Sidney Crosby loved my sweet potato pie.’ She will never shut up!”

“Don’t be mad that you can’t bake a pie as good as me, Tracey,” Tasha chided, laughing. “Nina makes a better pie than both of us but that girl don’t wanna cook.���

Tracey smirked when she saw the look on Sidney’s face. “Oh no, Tash, now this boy gonna be begging my daughter to make him a pie.”

Everyone laughed as Nina was in a different room. Mawmaw chided, “I’m happy that one of my family don’t got to be in the kitchen like that. I wish I could’ve been the same at her age.”

Sidney decided to scroll his phone as the older women began to argue. Then he felt someone tap his shoulder.

“White boy, you wanna play spades?”

Sidney looked at this cousin of Nina. He was sitting at a table with Vernon, one of her aunts, and another cousin. “No,” he replied, shaking his head. 

The cousin got a devious grin on his face. “It’s easy, you should play for Shantara, she can’t play for shit.”

Sidney’s competitive instinct told him it was a bad idea. And from the way Vernon was eyeing him, Sidney knew he was right for shaking his head. “Nope. I’ll learn by watching.”

“Nina’s white boy smart,” Aunt Tasha hollered. “You play spades and renege, boy, someone about to go for those knees.”

“Stop torturing, Sid, Deonte,” Nina scolded as she sat in Sidney’s lap. “At least wait til the second visit before hazing him over spades.”

“I like this boy, Nini. Keep him, he’s betta than that last boy you brought here, bless his heart. Didn’t know how to talk to people,” Mawmaw advised. 

Nina wanted to die as the rest of her family snickered. Holidays: the time of the year where your greatest fuckups get rehashed for shits and giggles. 

Nafis snorted. “What’s his name... it wasn’t that Ron boy, was it? Naw, it was James’s old friend, Jordan. We all knew he wasn’t shit, I mean, nothing, when he made Tommy mad.”

Nina winced as remembered that. Tommy was one of the sweetest guys and hard to rile up, but anyone who could make cousin Tommy mad was a douchebag. 

“Her pets like him. Tess curls in his lap and Steely lets him pet him,” Vernon said. 

Everyone stared at Sidney, eyes wide. Stuttering, Aunt Tasha said, “T-t-that cat and d-dog hate every damn body other than Nini and her family. I be damned.”

Mawmaw laughed.

The rest of the dinner went without incident. But at a quiet moment, Vernon pulled Sidney from the group to a quiet spot in the yard. It was late November in Western Pennsylvania so no one else was there. 

Vernon Jackson had seen more of his fair share of crap in his life. Growing up in Ward 8 of D.C., Vernon had dodged dealers, hustlers, stick-up kids, etc. to survive. His grades weren’t great so Vernon went into the army to ensure that he escaped. Through being deployed in the Gulf War then to Mogadishu, Vernon had done his best to make sure that all his children had more than he did growing up. 

Now, his sweettart, his eldest, his sweet girl, Nina was grown. She had done more than he and Tracey combined. But looking at the man he was sure his daughter was in love with, Vernon began to wonder if he made a mistake. 

Oh, it was obvious that Sidney Crosby was in love with his daughter. But the feelings of love could fade and given his history, Vernon couldn’t trust that Crosby would do the right thing. 

So as a loving father, Vernon pulled Sidney to the side. “I just wanted to ask you something important before I give my blessing to this.”

“Yes, sir,” Sidney responded. 

“You know your children will be considered Black?”

Vernon watched Sidney’s face after asking that question. Lust and infatuation was nice but this was his little girl. The last thing he wanted was his daughter hurt because she fell for someone not just clueless but maliciously clueless about race. 

Sidney quietly replied, “I know. People will see them as Black and will think the worst of them first.”

Not bad, Vernon thought. He expected a colorblind response.

Then he heard Nina call out, “Dad? Sid? We are about to cut the cake!”

Vernon and Sid both grimaced but for different reasons. Vernon because he couldn’t really have cake because of his diabetes, Sid because cake wasn’t on his meal plan. Vernon told Sidney, “before you start making plans for rings, you need to start thinking about how you are going to start speaking up about race. Think about that.”

**

Sidney kept Vernon’s words in his mind through the week. Trina had told him what happened in the bathroom that night but Nina told him that his mom had handled it for her. But as he waited for Nina to open her door, Sidney couldn’t help but think what he could do to avoid situations like that from happening for Nina. But words failed as Nina opened the door and gave him a shy smile. 

“Hi pretty girl,” Sidney drawled as he walked in, closing the door. He hung up his coat on her coat rack before sitting on Nina’s couch.

“I missed you daddy”

“Missed you, pretty girl. Did you have fun?”

Nina straddled Sid’s thigh and replied, “it was a good time even though UNC lost. The VT campus is beautiful. How was the road trip?”

Sid laughed as Nina played with his hair. “It went well but Geno got hurt. He’ll be out for two weeks.”

“That sucks.”

Sidney hummed his assent as he wrapped an arm around Nina’s waist. He missed his pretty girl and it seemed like she missed him too. They sat there together for several quiet moments before Nina whispered, “I really missed you, daddy. It’s been too long.”

Sidney gave Nina a slow smile as she began to grind on his thigh. He felt the same way as he kissed Nina, soft and slow. Then as they broke apart, the sensual haze on Nina’s face turned into horror.  “God damn it,” she muttered. 

Sidney frantically asked, “What’s wrong, baby?”

“I just felt my period show up, three days early,” Nina said, rubbing her temples. Her period was cock-blocking her after a couple weeks of no dick and she wanted to die. “I just felt cramps and as much as I’d like to slide to my knees and suck you off, it won’t happen tonight.”

Nina groaned as she closed her eyes, head down. Sidney just started to laugh. 

“Cmon, pretty girl. Let’s just watch movies tonight.”

“Movies sound good,” Nina replied, “I just refuse to watch Friends, ever.”

Sidney giggle-honked as Nina moved from straddling his thigh to curling into his lap. 

#sidney crosby #Sidney Crosby imagine #sidney crosby imagines #sidney crosby fic #nhl imagine #nhl imagines #nhl fic #nhl fics #nhl fanfiction #hockey fic #hockey fiction #hockey fics #hockey imagine #hockey imagines #penguins fic #penguins imagine #penguins imagines #all bets are off #sidney crosby fanfiction #hockey fanficiton

[gabrielkahane]

after the silence, a change of scene

The last time I posted here was in November of 2019. Needless to say, that was a different era. A few weeks after I shared that cryptic photograph with a post office box address, I began an extended digital hiatus, about which I’ll have more to say in the coming months. In the meantime, I wanted to say hello. There has been a whole lot of grief, loss, and trauma around the world, in our country, in our cities, in our communities, and within our families. And it continues. Three people very dear to me have died in the last year, and I imagine that many of you have experienced similar losses. I hope you’re all doing okay, and I send all my love. And with that…

Two Concerts in San Francisco; a world premiere

Next week, I will play my first concerts since the pandemic began. If you happen to be in the general vicinity of San Francisco, I will be appearing at Herbst Theater on July 17th and 18th as part of a new summer festival presented by San Francisco Performances.

On Saturday the 17th, at 7:30pm, I will give a solo concert featuring a dozen new songs written in October 2020, drawn from thirty-one composed that month. The program will be rounded out with selections from Book of Travelers, The Ambassador, and Where are the Arms. Tickets may be purchased here.

The next afternoon, at 2pm, I’ll join (as pianist) the wonderful tenor Nicholas Phan in a wide-ranging survey of song, including music by Caroline Shaw, Sarah Kirkland Snider, and Esperanza Spalding; a whole lot of Schubert; and the world premiere of Final Privacy Song, an eighteen-minute work I’ve written for tenor and piano on a new poem by Matthew Zapruder. Tickets are here.

A New Publication

Ten years ago this September, I released my sophomore album, Where are the Arms. Yesterday, at long last, several boxes of piano/vocal scores for those songs arrived at my doorstep. I’ve arranged them all for piano & voice as I play them, with chord symbols for guitar where appropriate. They will begin shipping out today, and you can pick up a copy here. And for the cellists & violists in the room…

emergency shelter intake form

Just as the pandemic ensnared the world in its vice grip, I was preparing, alongside soloists Alicia Hall Moran, Holland Andrews, and Holcombe Waller, to bring emergency shelter intake form to the Orlando Philharmonic, the Detroit Symphony, and the Milwaukee Symphony.

While it was disappointing to see those concerts go up in a puff of smoke (in addition to performances planned by the San Francisco Symphony and Louisville Orchestra), I am happy to share a video of the entire piece (found t the bottom of this post), captured in Portland in August of 2018 during a free community concert presented by the Oregon Symphony, which, along with the Britt Festival, commissioned the work.

On its face, emergency shelter intake form is a piece that addresses homelessness. But at its heart, it’s a cry against inequality, not only the kind that results from ruthless, unregulated capitalism, but also the sort that manifests when we close our hearts to other human beings, treating them as if they exist in some discrete universe of misfortune distant from our own. If nothing else, I hope that esif shrinks that distance, and may help us to recognize that we, too, might be one medical emergency or job loss away from having to make wrenching decisions about how to devote our limited material resources.

Oh, and there’s an album, too.

Thanks to the generous support of members of the Portland community, we were able to document the aforementioned performance of emergency shelter as an album. The physical object, which has the feel of a hardcover book, was designed, along with its stunning cover, above, by the stupidly gifted composer-pianist-graphic designer-bean cooker Timo Andres, and includes a forty page booklet with the compete libretto. The album, in physical and digital form, is available for purchase here.

In Conclusion

My time away from digital spaces was intended, in part, as a diagnostic for my not-always-super-healthy relationship to the internet. Those who follow me on social media may (or may not!) have noticed that I’ve been silent on those platforms since late 2019. It’s my hope going forward to use them sparingly (if at all), and to communicate more frequently through bandcamp’s messaging platform, which, because it is not an ad-based service, is not wrapped up in surveillance capitalism, its pernicious algorithms, and/or the attendant destruction of democracy, etc. And of course, I will continue to post here from time to time.

Thank you as always for your support,

Gabriel

#homelessness #orchestral music #songs #caroline shaw #esperanza spalding #timo andres #gabriel kahane #oregon symphony #milwaukee symphony #san francisco symphony #detroit symphony #louisville orchestra #orlando philharmonic #san fransisco performances #nicholas phan #sarah kirkland snider #herbst theater #art song #folk music #capitalism

[h2bakugou]

celebrating 1 year of h2bakugou | pumpkin patch date

a/n: we made it! it’s been a year since we launched h2bakugou as a side-tumblr account that has flourished into what i consider my job! 

-

on october 10th, 2019 i published my masterlist and my first fic on h2bakugou, and my first mha fic, ‘match’stick.

i continued to write throughout october and eventually i hit 100 followers. on november 5th, 2019, i published a shinso fic titled ‘hanging out’ and then disappeared off the platform, only to return on january 21st, 2020.

over the time i had amassed over 700 followers. it was mind blowing to me. but i opened up requests and now, we’ve grown, and looking back, it’s been so much fun.

i promise this isn’t going to be much longer and you can get to all the yummy headcanons down below, but from the bottom of my heart, thank you so much. when i started mha, i was just some fangirl who fell in love with characters and i combined something i loved with a hobby i had. 

thank you for the laughs, the tears, the joy, the happiness, all of it, i can’t wait to see what the future holds, h2bakugou isn’t just me as a writer, it’s all of us. i love you all so much <3

and thank you so so much for 4,500+ followers <3 !!

-

headcanon: them taking their s/o on a pumpkin patch date 

key: (y/n) - your name / (f/n) - first name / (l/n) - last name / (e/c) - eye color / (h/c) - hair color / (y/q) - your quirk

warnings: swearing, fluff

;cut for length;

»»————-　★　————-««

katsuki bakugou

»»————-　★　————-««

His goal by the end of this date is to bring home the biggest fucking pumpkin. I kid you not, this fool is going to be scouting the patch from the second he gets inside it.

It’s most likely a competition. You’re going to want a nice pumpkin to carve, so you look for one, and you find a nice, big one with plenty of room for a nice design.

Bakugou’s eyes land on your pumpkin as you heave it up into your arms and he’s like ‘oh hell nah.’

“Let me carry your-”

“Find your own pumpkin.” You stick your tongue out at him as you begin to rush back to where you purchase them and Bakugou begins to chase after you. He’d told you he was looking for a big pumpkin and while it had only just dawned on you that your pumpkin was great in size, you intended to keep this pumpkin.

Bakugou eventually gives up and settles for a slightly smaller pumpkin. He won’t admit defeat though. 

Later on the date, you two go on a hayride, and hold hands. The smell of pumpkin and fall seem to grow stronger as the day goes on.

After the hayride, there’s the corn maze. 

I hope you’re ready.

Because the winner, out of you and Bakugou, gets treated to lunch paid for by the loser, and gets bragging rights.

Bakugou is pissed when you dart of into the maze because clearly in the list of rules he’d laid out- yeah you stopped listening when he said rules and got a head start.

Bakugou is determined to find you, and without cheating. He sticks to the paths and eventually he can hear you laughing, because you can hear him shouting at the corn that keeps wacking him in the face as he tries to run through.

When he catches up to you, it’s too late. You’re already out of the maze and Bakugou is left dumbfounded. How did you complete it so fast?

“You followed me the whole time, I think you owe me two lunches.” You smile, hugging him as he stands at the exit of the maze.

“How-”

“Shh, let’s go get food, I’m starving.”

When you return back to the dorms, you head straight to Bakugou’s room. Lunch was great, all thanks to Bakugou paying.

You give Bakugou your big pumpkin and he’s hesitant at first.

“It’s yours. You found it-”

“Take it before I change my mind ‘Suki.” You lean up and give him a kiss on the cheek. He’s happy to carve some absurd picture into the pumpkin while you try your best to carve your own design.

A very successful October date.

»»————-　★　————-««

shoto todoroki

»»————-　★　————-««

Todoroki hasn’t been to a pumpkin patch in ages. He can’t remember the last time he went and actually had fun. But you were determined to make sure he had fun today.

You’d planned it all out, and you started with a hayride.

Sitting atop the hay, Todoroki sat close to you, his hand holding yours as the tractor began to move, pulling you along with everyone else in the open trailer.

“Do you know what you’re going to carve into your pumpkin?” You ask as you admire the fall scenery, taking in the lovely view of the color-changing leaves, the scent of pumpkin, and the sound of people running and having fun in the corn maze.

“I’ve never carved a pumpkin before.” Todoroki uttered, which blew your mind.

“You’ve never- Shoto Todoroki today you are carving a pumpkin.” You had a look of determination on your face.

After the hayride, you insisted on the corn maze, which Todoroki thought of as a challenge.

“So it’s a race.” Todoroki stood, looking at the entrance and the exit.

“No- it’s just a maze, but if you’d like to race, you can eat my dust!” You dart off into the maze and Todoroki charges after you. He’s smiling and happy. And that’s enough for you.

He catches up to you and traps you in a dead end you’d stumbled upon.

“Sho!” You smile and laugh as he hugs you. He pulls away ad leans to give you a quick kiss before darting off. You’re flustered but gather your senses as you try to locate the exit.

Todoroki makes it out first, but you’re close behind him. You congratulate him on his win and decide to head over to the pumpkin patch. 

Picking out a pumpkin was much more difficult than Todoroki had imagined. He was going to carve it, so he needed a good size for whatever he was carving.

He looked over and found you heaving a giant pumpkin in to your arms, a devious look on your face.

“That is a large pumpkin.” Todoroki states, trying not to laugh at you as you struggle to hold it in your arms.

“Which one are you getting?” You ask, heaving the pumpkin up onto your shoulder to carry it better.

Todoroki settles on a medium-sized pumpkin, with the perfect amount of space for a nice carving.

Taking them back to the dorms was easy, but you were not prepared for what was Todoroki carving a pumpkin.

He somehow managed to lose the top to his pumpkin after cutting it out, he got pumpkin guts everywhere, you were still finding seeds in the common room after you cleaned up.

But on the front porch of the dorms, sat your giant pumpkin carved with a spooky design next to Todoroki’s smiley-faced pumpkin.

»»————-　★　————-««

izuku midoriya

»»————-　★　————-««

Izuku is super excited. He’s all for carving a pumpkin and going on hayrides and much more.

When you arrive at the pumpkin patch, you decide to do the corn maze first. 

Izuku insists on completing it together, so you do. As you begin to walk through the rows of corn, trying to find the exit, you get lost a few times.

“Izuku I’ve seen this same stalk of corn before.” You laugh as you point at the corn stalk that had been bent in a funny way.

“Okay maybe we are going in circles.” Midoriya laughs as he stops to try and look for a different path.

When you finally make progress, Izuku wants to take a few pictures. Peaking out from the corn you smile as he snaps a picture of you, and you yank him into the corn for a cute picture together.

You kiss his cheek as he snaps the second picture. He’s a blushing mess, but it was worth it.

when you find the exit, you rush to it together, sprinting out of the maze.

Next is the hayride. Cozying up to Izuku, you admire the beautiful fall scenery as you ride along the pumpkin patch.

Laying your head on his shoulder, you’re happy to just be spending time with him. 

After the hayride, you head to the pumpkin patch to pick out your pumpkin. Izuku wants a nice-sized pumpkin, something he can have plenty of room to carve on.

You point to a green pumpkin and smile.

“Izu’ look! It’s a little Deku pumpkin.” You hold it up and giggle, Midoriya’s cheeks tinting red.

“Have you found a pumpkin yet?” Izuku asks, looking around until his eyes land on a good pumpkin.

“I think I like the little green one.” You hold it in your hands and walk with Izuku as he heads toward his pumpkin. It’s pretty big but he picks it up like it’s nothing.

Back at the dorms, carving the pumpkins is an adventure. Deciding to try and carve All Might, Midoriya is hard at work while you carve your pumpkin.

In the end, Izuku’s All Might is more of a stick figure with muscles. Nevertheless, they sit outside on the porch, lit with a candle setting the mood for fall.

»»————-　★　————-««

denki kaminari

»»————-　★　————-««

Kaminari is super excited as well. He’s up bright and early the morning of, surprisingly, and running out the door when it’s time to leave.

He wants to do the hayride first, and you sit beside one another, his arm around your shoulder. He holds you close to him as you admire the scenery.

He’s constantly making puns related to the change in season, and while they’re corny and simple, you love them.

“I guess you could say I’m really fall-ing for you.” Kaminari wiggles his eyebrows. You giggle and give him a peck on the cheek.

“You dork.” You smile and cozy up next to him for the remainder of the hayride.

After the hayride, you two go to pick out some pumpkins. Kaminari isn’t looking for the biggest pumpkin, but he definitely wants to impress you.

“This one’s the size of your head!” Kaminari lifts up a rather large pumpkin. Your eye twitches as you look at him.

“Wait shit, my bad! It’s the size of my head! My head! Your head is cute!”

The recovery is about as funny as the comparison he’d made but you decide to let it slide.

After settling on some medium-sized pumpkins, you set them in a safe place to come back to later so you can go and enjoy the corn maze.

When you enter the corn maze, the sun is shining. However, when you leave, the place is about to close, it’s dark, and all you’ve got when you leave is your phone flashlight which saved your life when it got dark.

Denki is nowhere to be found. 

He tried to be all funny and try and sneak off and scare you, but when you realize he’s not behind you after you told him it was time to exit the maze, you’re worried.

Darting back inside, you debate on calling for him or not. 

“Denki!” You call out, deciding it’d just be best to give yourself away in case he was trying to scare you.

“Denki come on, it’s not funny anymore, where are you?!” You yelled again.

“Boo!” He screams as he jumps out form between some corn. You let out a yelp and latch onto him.

“Asshole.” You mumble as you hug him.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t think I’d still be able to scare you.”

“I was worried! You weren’t behind me and I-”

Kaminari hushed you with a kiss, his arms linking around your waist.

A bright light shone on your faces as the owner of the pumpkin patch called for you.

“We’re closing, come on and get out!” They yelled. 

Purchasing your pumpkins, you returned back to the dorms to carve them, and despite being a little upset at Kaminari for scaring you, you still cuddled beside him after passing out on the couch.

»»————-　★　————-««

eijiro kirishima

»»————-　★　————-««

Heading to the pumpkin patch clad in matching fall themed sweaters, Kirishima is going to spoil you.

He’s helping you carry the pumpkin you pick out when you look at all the pumpkins. He’s such a sweetheart.

He’s also going to have a lot of fun.

On the hayride, he’ll let you sit in his lap, which makes the ride that much more bumpy, you can’t count the amount of airtime you got and how much Kirishima laughed when you practically floated off his lap.

His arms hooked around your waist after the first few bumps to secure you, hugging you close to him.

After the hayride is the corn maze. And honestly like Kaminari, he could spend hours in there. Whether it be scaring you, or making a map of the place, he’s having fun as long as you are.

The first time you do the maze, you race one another. You finish first, although Kirishima was two steps behind you.

On the second run through, you go together. 

“I went this way!” You begin to pull him along but Kirishima doesn’t budge.

“I went this way.” Kirishima nodded toward the other path.

“Well who won?” You teased, following after him.

“I’d say we tied.” Kirishima replied, pulling you along the path. When the sun began to sink below the horizon, you tried to do the maze in the dark.

It was much more difficult than you thought. You bumped into Kirishima more times than you could count, and eventually you had to break out your flashlight.

And on the fourth time around, you entered the maze first and thirty seconds after, Kirishima entered to try and track you down.

It was slightly terrifying. Using your flashlight was sure to get you caught, but without it you could hardly see.

There were a few times where Kirishima had walked past you, where you had decided to try and hide rather than run away from him.

But when he found you, you had been cornered.

“Boo!” Kirishima yelled, scaring you. You jumped and let out a yelp as he gave you a hug, laughing it off.

“I got you!” He kissed your cheek as he held you close to him, smiling proudly.

“You didn’t have to scare me.” You smile, nuzzling into his chest.

“Let’s go carve some pumpkins.” Kirishima leads you out of the maze for the last time, having it memorized by now.

When you arrive back at the dorms to carve the pumpkins, it’s very late. 

Kirishima puts on a scary movie and the two of you carve away. 

You pass out in the common room, cuddled up on the couch after successfully placing your beautifully carved pumpkins on the porch.

»»————-　★　————-««

tamaki amajiki

»»————-　★　————-««

Tamaki is excited, and the entire date is hyped up by Mirio and Nejire. He’s happy to go on a date with you, albeit a bit nervous, but excited.

When he sees you, his heart flutters. You look beautiful in the autumn colors, and he’s falling even more in love with you as every second passes.

When you arrive at the pumpkin patch, you decide to go pick out your pumpkins first.

“Do you know what kind of pumpkin you want Tamaki?” You ask, holding his hand. Tamaki smiles at the warm feeling in his chest as you hold his hand.

“Something c-cute. Like you.” Tamaki complimented you. You let out a small laugh and hugged him.

“Well if that’s the logic, we’re both looking for cute pumpkins.” Complimenting Tamaki right back, you both head out to find pumpkins.

Tamaki returns with a tiny pumpkin, like comically tiny. It’s cute, and manageable.

“I’m going to name it Bunny. A-after you.”

Your heart melts at his action. You show him your pumpkin, which was on the medium sized scale, not huge, but enough for a small design if you wanted to carve it.

“I’ll name mine Suneater.” You lean and kiss his cheek.

After picking out your pumpkins, you decide to do the corn maze, which was a load of fun.

Tamaki’s hand in yours made you feel secure as the two of you navigated through the stalks of corn, trying to find the exit.

You probably spent an hour or so in it, just having fun and talking.

“Look! We did it! Tamaki we did it!” You smile and jump wit excitement as you exit the maze, giving him a short and sweet peck on his lips.

Tamaki blushed, his arms wrapping around your waist as he hugged you close to him during the unexpected kiss.

After, the two of you headed to the hayride. It was about 10 minutes long, and it gave you plenty of time to rest, even though you weren’t really tired, you cozied up to Tamaki as the ride started.

The leaves on the trees had changed color, each red, orange, and yellow leaf catching your attention as you enjoyed the faint scent of pumpkin in the air.

“It’s so beautiful.” You commented, holding Tamaki’s hand in your own. Tamaki nodded and nuzzled his head into your shoulder.

When the hayride was over, you purchased your pumpkins and headed back to the dorms.

Mirio and Nejire had agreed to carve pumpkins with you, and while Tamaki’s pumpkin was too small to carve, he definitely enjoyed helping the others.

Putting on a Halloween classic, you and Tamaki cozied up on his bed and fell asleep together.

»»————-　★　————-««

mirio togata

»»————-　★　————-««

Mirio has planned the entire thing out. He’s excited to spend the day with you. 

When you arrive at the pumpkin patch, he wants to ride the hayride first, insisting you sit on his lap. He wants to hold you, his hands intertwined with yours, taking in all the beautiful autumn scenery.

He’d given you one of his knitted sweaters to wear before going outside in the cool air. It looks good on you, and he can’t help but smile every time he looks at you.

“Do you have any idea of what kind of pumpkin you want to pick?” You ask, a soft smile on your lips. Mirio just hums, resting his head on your shoulder.

“One that’s cute, like you, sunshine!” Mirio kissed your cheek, a giggle escaping your lips.

“Mirio!” You snuggle into his arms as a cool breeze of wind blows by. 

Once the hayride is over, you head over to the pumpkin patch where you struggle to find a pumpkin.

You debate on something small or something big when Mirio approaches you holding a medium-sized pumpkin, perfectly round and ready to be carved.

“That’s like the perfect pumpkin how did you-”

“I thought you might like this one.” Mirio suggests, his eyes landing on another good one.

“But you found it, I-”

“It’s all yours, besides,” Mirio hands you the pumpkin before reaching and grabbing one that sat by your feet.

“This one looks more like me.” Mirio lifts the large and tall pumpkin up to his head and smiles.

“Did you just compare yourself to a pumpkin?” You smile whilst holding Mirio’s perfect pumpkin in your hands.

“I sure did.” Mirio laughs.

“You need help?” Mirio asks, motioning to your pumpkin. You shake your head and hoist it up into your arms with a better grip, walking around some more.

After picking out pumpkins it’s time to do the cornmaze. You decide to start seperately, racing to the end. You bump into each other a few times, and youe ven bust Mirio for following you.

“You’re cheating.” You pout standing in front of him.

“I was just following my dreams.” Mirio says smoothly. You sigh and place a kiss on his cheek before continuing off down the path you believed to be the exit.

Mirio follows suit and the two of you make it out at the same time.

“So much for a race.” You laugh. Mirio just waves his hand and hugs you from behind.

“Let’s go carve us some pumpkins!” He’s excited to get back and carve a pumpkin so you head on back to the campus.

Mirio carves a cute sun on his pumpkin and declares that it reminds him of you. It sits outside the dorm alongside yours, Tamaki’s and Nejire’s.

»»————-　★　————-««

hawks/keigo takami

»»————-　★　————-««

Avoiding paparazzi, it took you a bit of time to get into the pumpkin patch, but once you were in, you were in.

Hawks was trying to be smooth, acting tough and trying to carry each pumpkin you laid eyes on.

“I can carry my own pumpkin.” You smile, reaching down and picking up one of the largest ones you could find.

“Oh yeah?” Hawks went to grab it and immediately felt his arms drop as the pumpkin was way heavier than he expected. His feathers came to aid, lifting he pumpkin back up and saving it from cracking open on impact.

“Way to go, handsome.” You tease, deciding his feathers were fine to hold it if they so wished too.

“Hey-”

You shut Hawks up with a kiss, holding onto the edges of his fur lined jacket. He’d come straight from work, but he didn’t mind. As long as he was spending time with you, he could care less when or where it happened.

Hawks wasn’t complaining. He kissed you back and smiled, pulling away with a goofy grin on his lips.

You hiked over to the hayride next, hopping on some hay bales, you cozied up to Hawks, resting under one of his wings which hugged you closer to him.

As the tractor tugged the attached trailer which you and Hawks sat on along, you gazed at the beautiful pumpkin patch. It was simple and easy on the eyes with the beautiful and cute decorations set up for the fall season, as well as a few Halloween themed decorations.

“It’s so beautiful.” You commented, resting your head on Hawks. Hawks smiled and slid his hand in yours.

“Not as beautiful as you.” He cooed, thinking he was being smooth.

“Did you practice that one in the mirror?” You tease. You did love Hawks cheesy pick up lines that you’d heard a million times before, it was what made them that much better honestly. 

“You’re the one dating me.” Hawks mumbled, placing a short kiss on your head, mumbling something into your hair.

“Hm? What was that?” You ask, glancing up at you.

“I love you.” Hawks smiles at you. You return a smile and return to gazing at the scenery.

After the hayride, you take on the maze. Hawks is determined to finish it in some high score, but you want to enjoy it. 

Getting lost and hitting dead ends is what makes a maze that much better. It can be frustrating, but you enjoy it.

Hawks ushers yo down several paths that all end up back at the same place, and in the end, you lead him out of the maze.

“I had that down, babybird.” Hawks tries to reassure you that he had figured it out but you just laugh.

“Sure you did.” You smile, giving him a peck on the cheek.

You return back to his home and set up for pumpkin carving, promising to spend a little more time together before he eventually gets called back in for hero work.

You both fall asleep on the couch after carving, wore out and tired from a long day.

»»————-　★　————-««

dabi

»»————-　★　————-««

Villains have to be on the low about things. Dabi couldn’t waltz out in the public freely, he’d be spotted. So he has to go disguised.

At least, if you go during the day, that is.

Breaking into the pumpkin patch was way easier than it should’ve been, and for the first thirty minutes, Dabi was on edge, thinking that something was bound to go wrong and that you’d be caught up with him.

But alas, the night carried on and the chirping of crickets and other various nighttime creatures kept the chilling silence away.

“Alright baby, where do you want to go?” Dabi asks coolly, resting an arm around your shoulder. You nudge him toward the corn maze. 

It’s a race to the end the first time, but the second time around, Dabi wants to play hide and seek.

You’re it first, searching around for your villain companion, but you couldn’t even come close to finding him...until you notice a faint blue glow.

Creeping up on him, you decide to scare him.

It doesn’t entirely go that great.

Your face feels hot as a blue flame erupts in your field of view.

“Shit! Don’t do that!” Dabi curses, quickly extinguishing his quirk from further roasting you alive.

“I scared you though I totally got you!” You laughed, not at all bothered by the fact that he nearly singed you.

“Baby, you’re gonna regret that, because now I’m it.” Dabi’s voice was low and husky as towered over you. You smiled and leaned up, kissing his lips before darting off to go hide.

Your spot is pretty solid, hiding in a dead end, behind a few thick stalks of corn. You think you’re safe seeing as how you don’t even remember seeing this portion of the maze so how or why would Dabi come back here.

Everything’s going great until you hear things snapping and breaking behind you. You whip around to investigate but your back is forced to the ground as you look above you.

Dabi’s cerulean eyes peer down at you as a smirk dawns his lips. 

“Got you, baby.” Dabi kisses you passionately, his hands resting on the ground on each side of you.

When the make out is over, you both sit up and decide to go pick out a pumpkin. You can’t go on a hayride since that’d make a lot of noise and probably alert someone that people were here when they shouldn’t be, but Dabi promises to make it up to you.

Remind him to ask Tomura for a tractor. He can write it off as a league business expense or something.

Picking out a pumpkin was much more difficult. Dabi found his in a matter of seconds, ready to head back and get to carving. He was actually pretty excited about the whole thing. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d enjoyed the fall season, or Halloween. 

He waited on you to pick out a pumpkin, watching as you searched for the perfect one.

You settled on a rather large pumpkin, something you could carve a rather large design into. You wanted to really go all out, and you wanted to try and show Dabi up.

Pumpkin carving was a hidden talent of yours.

Returning back to wherever the league was stationed this time, you and Dabi got to work.

Toga and Twice stopped by to watch as you carved away, giving some input and cheering you on as you tried to beat Dabi in some sort of pumpkin carving challenge.

“Shigaraki! Can you judge our pumpkins! You’ll decide whose is the best.” You call out to your ‘boss’ and smile.

“Whatever.” Shigaraki mumbles, trotting over to examine your pumpkin beside Dabi’s.

After way to long, Shigaraki decides to give you the win. Dabi is pissed after all the effort he put into it, but you assure him his pumpkin is amazing.

A blue flame flickers on the candles you placed inside your carved pumpkins and you cuddle next to Dabi a little more that night to make up for his loss.

»»————-　★　————-««

overhau/kai chisaki

»»————-　★　————-««

Chisaki wanted to spend time with you, and althhough he was a villain, he had connections that set up a rather autumn-themed date. he was taking you to a pumpkin patch.

He’d lent you his flufy green and purple jacket to wear, and he couldn’t deny that it looked adorable on you.

His gloved hand resided in yours as you walked through the cornmaze.

It was something he’d never really understood, but seeing the excitement on your face as you begged him to go through it with you, he decided to go along with it.

A few other members of the Shie Hassaikai were scattered around, making sure the place was empty, and keep an eye out for heroes and such.

“Which way do you think we should go?” You’d stopped at a forked path, confused at which way to go.

“This path looks like it loops back around.” Chisaki commented, the first path did turn whilst the second path seemed to go traight and then curve back right.

“Second path it is!” You tug Chisaki along with you. when you reach the end, you give him a brisk hug and jump around with excitement.

“That wasn’t so bad.” Chisaki glanced back at the cornmaze, throughly impressed with how difficult it had actually been.

There was no one around to give the hayride so you had to miss out, but walking to the pumpkin patch itself was more than enough. 

All the leaves had changed colors and the wind smelled like cinnamon and nutmeg.

Picking out a pumpking was fairly difficult. You wanted to carve something on it, but you didn’t know if you should pick the biggest one or something managable.

“Are you picking one Chisaki?” You ask, watchig as his amber eyes gazed around the field.

“I suppose it wouldn’t hurt.” Chisaki sighs, bending down to pick up one he’d been staring at. It was a fairly large pumpkin. He held it carefully in his gloved hands, grimacing at the dirt that stained the white fabric.

You’d decided on a pumpkin and brought it back with you, excited to get back to the base and carve it.

Chisaki wasn’t excited about the mess, but watching you carve a design into the pumpkin took his mind off of it. He was happy just watching you be happy.

He didn’t carve his although you asked if he wanted help with carving it. 

They sat outside his room in the base, a small candle lit inside yours to illuminate the carving.

»»————-　★　————-««

tomura shigaraki

»»————-　★　————-««

Like Dabi, the two of you can’t exactly go to a pumpkin patch in broad daylight. Tomura is a wanted criminal, and since you’re associated with him, you’re not gonna get away entirely scot-free either.

So, a little breaking and entering never hurt anyone, and it was very mild compared to the things Tomura usually did.

Also similar to Dabi, the hayride is out of the question, but Tomura claims he can take you for a drive any day, all you have to do is ask, that is if  you feel safe with Tomura behind the wheel.

Picking out pumpkins first, you and Shigaraki tackle the patch together. It’s a struggle to find one you like, and even more so, to find one Shigaraki likes.

Carving it is really up to you, but whether you chose to carve it later or not, you want to pick one out.

“What about this one?” You ask, heaving a large on up into your arms. Shigaraki’s eyes land on the bright orange pumpkin in your grasp and suddenly it’s the single pumpkin that he wants.

“I want it.” Shigaraki mumbles. You let out a giggle and walk toward him.

“It’s heavy.”

“I can handle it.”

“Careful!” You transfer it to his grasp, rolling it into his arms. His upper body droops as he catches it, struggling to hold it without decaying it at his touch.

“I got it.” Shigaraki hisses, clearly struggling. The pumpkin begins to slip and you’re able to snake your arms under it just in time.

“How about we share one?” Your soft expression calms Shigaraki’s growing anger. With a nod, you place the pumpkin somewhere so you can head to the corn maze, the part Tomura was looking forward too.

“It’s like a stage from a video game.” Tomura began trying to think of all the possible ways to clear the maze, but with your hand carefully wrapped in his, you began pulling him along.

Tomura wouldn’t say it out loud, but when you held his hand, or trusted him in general with things like touch, he felt much closer to you. 

He didn’t feel so distant, he knew you weren’t scared of him, and that’s what he treasured.

“It’s this way.” Shigaraki’s sense were just leading you in all sorts of directions.

“Tomura, if we pass this little circle path again-”

“I know I know.” Shigaraki tugs you in another direction and sure enough, the exit comes into sight.

“We did it!” You hug him, pulling his face down closer to yours, pressing your lips on his gently.

Kissing you back, Tomura’s hands travelled to your hips, tilting his head ever so slightly to the side, deepening the kiss.

Returning back to the hideout, you set up to carve the pumpkin in your shared room.

Tomura gives some input on what you should carve and you get to work.

When the night is over, you’ve got a pumpkin carved sitting on the broken kitchen table for the rest of the league to admire when they stop by.

»»————-　★　————-««

eraserhead/shota aizawa

»»————-　★　————-««

Aizawa isn’t a big media fan, so he’ll try to avoid paparazzi or media at all costs. 

Taking you out on a little fall date was Hizashi’s plan, and Aizawa actually liked the sound of going to a pumpkin patch.

The first thing the two of you do is the hayride. It’s short and simple, you sit next to Aizawa, holding his hand as the two of you cozy up when a cool breeze blows.

Sho’s hair is tied back from when you were playing with it on the couch prior to leaving for the date, he just never took it down. It was a good look on him, anything was really.

“Thanks for taking me out.” You smile and kiss his cheek. It wasn’t rare to go out on a date, but you both preferred to be inside when it came to dates, whether it be ordering takeout and watching a movie, or attempting to cook a meal to have together.

“Of course.” Aizawa pressed a kiss of his own to your cheek, smiling against your skin.

The hayride was over in about ten minutes which gave you plenty of time to explore the patch.

Next you went off to the corn maze where you got lost. 

It wasn’t supposed to happen, but having so much fun, you lost track of where you were going, and somehow, you’d lost Shota along the way.

When you were finally reunited, an all black kitten laid in Shota’s arms.

“Sho...”

“It was all alone. Am I a hero if I can’t save-”

“It’s so cute!” You smiled, approaching the small kitten slowly. It warmed up to the both of you quite quickly, and it seemed to like Aizawa a lot.

Cradling it in his arms, Sho attempted to show you the way out. You followed behind.

Making it out of the maze, you headed toward the pumpkin patch, keeping the kitty some what hidden. Sho had every intention of taking it home with you, and you certainly didn’t have anything against it.

Picking out some pumpkins was easy, you settled for a pretty medium-sized pumpkin while Aizawa picked up something small, able to sit on his desk and not take up too much space so he could still sleep.

Getting the kitten home was Sho’s next top priority, right next to giving you a kiss before it got to crowded again.

Sneaking a kiss on your lips in the middle of the ‘deserted’ pumpkin patch, he kissed you tenderly, stroking the kitten in his arms as he did so.

Returning home, you pulled out the food bowls and filled one with some water and another with kitty food. Thanks to Sho having a habit of bringing home strays and nursing them up, you had quite the collection of cat toys, food, and other random assorted pet items.

“Are we going to name it?” You asked, sitting beside Aizawa on the floor as you watched the kitten eat. 

“You wanna keep it?” Aizawa questioned.

“I think we could handle another one.” You smile as one of your other cats comes pouncing into your lap, resting on your thighs as you pet it’s back.

“Alright then, how about Pumpkin?” The name was cliché but you loved it. Resting your head on Sho’s shoulder, you smiled as you enjoyed the rest of your fall themed evening.

»»————-　★　————-««

masterlist

#bakugou x reader #todoroki x reader #deku x reader #kaminari x reader #kirishima x reader #tamaki x reader #hawks x reader #dabi x reader #shigarki x reader #aizawa x reader #my hero academia x reader #boku no hero academia x reader #mha x reader #bnha x reader #shouto todoroki x reader #shoto todoroki x reader #denki x reader #denki kaminari x reader #midoriya x reader #tomura x reader #tomura shigaraki x reader #bakugou #todoroki #deku #hawks #kirishima #kaminari #dabi #shigaraki

[arctickat2400]

Love Reunited <> Sebastian Stan

Y/N walked through Central Park, taking in her new surroundings. She just moved to New York, or back to New York. She smiled at the fresh air, the cool November breeze blowing through her hair. Katie walked onto the sidewalk and strolled by the shops and restaurants lining the streets.

Just then, Y/N came across a quaint, 3-story bookstore cafe. She’s never noticed it before, or maybe she just doesn’t remember it. She wandered inside, the little bell on the door jingling, announcing her arrival. She glanced around as the warmth surrounded her. It wasn’t busy. Only one or two other people occupied the place. An older couple sat together, deep in conversation with coffee mugs and a shared piece of pastry in the middle of the small table.

Looking up, there was a balcony on the second floor with the bookstore. There was a set of spiral stairs leading downstairs where, further inside, Y/N spotted the cafe counter and a display case filled with what looked like fresh, delicious cakes and pastries.

She walked in, overlooking the menu and then the display. Just then, as Y/N figured out what she wanted, her eyes darted towards the spiral staircase as footsteps skipped down to the cafe.

“Sorry to keep you waiting. Don’t worry, I heard you come in,” Y/N heard a familiar chuckle and voice but thought nothing of it. “What can I…” the voice was cut off as Y/N met the eyes that belonged to the voice.

“Sebastian?” Y/N was completely shocked, her long-time best friend from years ago stood just a few feet away from her. She never thought she’d see him again.

“Y/N? Is that really you?” That smile you could never forget crept onto his face. She started for him.

“Oh my god, it’s so great to see you!” Sebastian exclaimed, meeting her halfway and embracing her in his arms. Y/N never thought she’d feel the homely warmth she only ever experienced with him.

“It’s been too long, Seba,” Y/N never failed to make him blush with that nickname. He smiled as he held her close, missing the love that filled his arms.

“How are you?” She asked as he stood in front of her, shoving his hands in his pockets.

“Great, actually. Been keeping busy with this place. Started it up a few years after…” Sebastian stopped short, and Y/N knew what he was gonna say. “After you left.” He finished, Y/N’s face falling at the thought of how they left off. “But, it’s been going well.” A silence fell between the two friends.

“Well, how have you been? Can I get you anything?” Y/N let out a slight giggle at his questions as he made his way around the counter.

“Um… can I actually get a black tea and a brownie?” Y/N asked as he replied, “Of course. Brownies are still your favorite snack, I see.” Y/N blushed. “They look so good. Kinda like the ones you used to make back in the day.” Y/N added with a smile, reminiscing on the memories.

“Well, I actually made everything here,” he gestured towards the display. “Well, me and my co-worker.” He smiles as he hands Katie one of the brownies and begins on the black tea.

“So, how are you? Never thought I’d see you back in New York, not for a while at least.” Sebastian gave her a sweet, sincere smile.

“I’m alright. Not my usual self. Haven’t been for a while, really. I actually just moved back,” She paused, and she knew that look on his face. Confused, concerned, in need to know more. “It’s a long story.” She chuckled, her gaze shifting towards the floor.

“Well, I’d love to catch up. Maybe I could take you out sometime. I close around 7. I could pick you up around 7:30, take you to your favorite restaurant I know you’ve been missing.” Y/N couldn’t help but blush at how well he still knew her. Ever since they met, he always knew her better than she knew herself.

“I’d really like that.” Y/N smiled as Sebastian did so, finishing up her tea.

Y/N stood there, lost in thought at what she and Sebastian used to have before things got all screwed up, before she moved away. She didn’t even realize she was staring at him when he called her name.

Coming back to the present, “Oh, sorry,” she paused, seeing the tea on the counter in front of her. She always became a bit flustered when it came to Sebastian. “Um… what do I owe you?” Y/N questioned, digging in her mini backpack for her wallet.

“No charge. The least I could do for my best friend.” Sebastian replied. “Come, have a seat.” He took her tea and led her to one of the tables in the cafe.

Sebastian excused himself for a moment to check on the couple to see if they needed anything. As he made his way back to Y/N, she was taking off her jacket that hid one of her secrets. It was barely noticeable at first, but Sebastian noticed quickly. He noticed everything about her, even the things no one else did. He didn’t say anything though. She was, what looked like, 3 months pregnant, and he was even more eager for tonight to come. He knew Y/N has been through a lot since they last saw each other.

“So, what’s new besides the cafe? Anyone new in your life?” Y/N offered her famous smirk that Sebastian missed almost more than anything else.

“Well…” Sebastian was about to answer before a child’s voice filled your ears.

“Daddy! Daddy!” Y/N’s eyes widened in surprise as a little girl, about 5 years old, came running down the stairs towards Sebastian. He opened his arms as she rushed straight into his embrace. He picked her up and perched her on his lap.

“Hey, baby girl.” Sebastian, then, met your gaze and let out a small chuckle. “Y/N, I’d like you to meet my co-worker, more commonly known as my daughter, Grace.” The little girl giggled as she wrapped her arms around his neck, laying her head on his chest. He pressed a kiss to her forehead.

Y/N was speechless. So, this was the co-worker that he was talking about before.

“Daddy, who's that?” Grace asked, glancing towards Y/N.

“This, my love, is Y/N. My very good friend from years ago.” The statement brought a smile to both Sebastian and Y/N’s faces. Grace perked up, leaning forward against the table as Sebastian held her at the waist to keep her secure on his lap.

“You’re Y/N? The one daddy’s always talking about? The girl that stole his heart?” There was a bright sparkle in the little girl's eyes, a look of complete and utter astonishment. Her lips lifted into an adorably beautiful smile.

Y/N could feel the tears building up in her throat at Grace’s words. The thought that Sebastian actually talked about her, thought about her the way he did. She looked up at him with a look of amazement, shock, an emotion unknown in her eyes. Sebastian let out a laugh that Y/N knew was only created from embarrassment. It was cute. She composed herself.

“Well, I don’t know about the last part, but yes, I am Y/N. It’s a pleasure to meet you, Grace.” Y/N smiled brightly at the girl. Grace held out her hand, and, shaking her hand, Y/N was amazed at the girl's manners. She must’ve gotten them from her daddy.

A minute later, “Daddy, I’m tired.” Grace admitted, leaning back against Sebastian as he wrapped his arms around her.

“Okay, sweetheart. How about you go upstairs and take a nap? I’ll take you to grandma’s later. I have plans with the pretty lady over here.” Sebastian met Y/N’s gaze, sharing a breathtaking smile, winking at her. Y/N couldn’t help but blush. Grace nodded.

“Nice to finally meet you, Miss Y/N.” Grace squeaked.

“You as well.” Y/N smiled, waving to her as she made her way upstairs. There must’ve been an apartment on the third floor.

Y/N looked back at Sebastian and he had a guilty smile on his face.

“Well, she has some fantastic manners.” Y/N smiled with a bit of a chuckle mixed in.

“Yeah, we have a lot to talk about.” Sebastian let out a small laugh, making Y/N smile more. His laugh was always contagious.

“Well, I hate to take you away from your work, but it doesn’t seem like you’re too busy,” Y/N mentioned, gazing around the vacant cafe before meeting his eyes again.

“You never fail to say what’s on your mind, Y/N,” Sebastian commented, leaning forward on the table, leaning his head in his hand as he offered a sweet smile.

“Some things never change.” Y/N smiles back.

“Well, where to start…” He begins, leaning back in his chair. “I guess, when you left, when I heard you’d moved to L.A. with your boyfriend I never knew about,” the mention of Y/N’s ex made her wince. Sebastian noticed that, too, and knew something must have happened. But, he was going to wait for Y/N to bring it up herself. “I had kinda shut down. I continued with a movie I was working on, and I formed a relationship with one of my co-stars. We had a thing going on for a month or so. One thing led to another and 9 months later, Grace was born.” Sebastian paused as you leaned forward, listening intently on his story.

“It wasn’t a very stable relationship to begin with. Once she had Grace, it had only been a few weeks later that she left. I came home to a note on the table saying that she couldn’t handle whatever was going on at the time. She couldn’t handle a baby. I didn’t think I could either. I had gone into Grace’s room to find her asleep in her crib. I don’t know how long she’d been alone for. She was fine, though, so I guess that’s what matters.” Y/N could see the tears building up, his voice wavering at the memories. He rubbed his eyes, followed by a rough sniffle.

“So, from then on, it was just me and Grace. I knew I couldn’t work on any more movies or accept any more jobs for a while. But, I needed money. So, I bought this building, thinking it would be perfect. A steady business connected to an apartment that easily became home for the two of us. It was hard at first, getting used to living alone with a baby and starting a business. It got easier over time. And since then, there’s never been anyone besides Grace. I’ve never wanted anyone else. She’s all I needed. I’ve had my mom watch over her when I needed help. As she got older, I was able to keep her around here while I worked. She would visit with the customers. They love her.” He chuckled and Y/N smiled at the sweet relationship between the father and daughter.

“Now, she’ll help upstairs in the bookstore if anyone needs help. She’ll help me in the kitchen. Taught her everything we know. She’ll bring orders to customers. She’s just everything I never knew I needed.” Y/N rarely saw this side of Sebastian. There was never a reason to see him this way. He was staring off into space, and you could tell his mind was in a million different places.

“She seems like a great little girl, Seba. I’m glad you’ve had her all this time.” Y/N comforted him. They sat in comfortable silence for a minute or two, staring into each other’s eyes. Y/N never knew she could miss anything or anyone as much as she missed Sebastian. And for him, as he memorized Y/N’s eyes after all those years, he finally reunited with the love he’s always felt for this girl. He just hoped he’d never have to part with it again, never have to part from her again.

“Well, I should probably get back to work. Almost closing time.” Sebastian commented, breaking the silence, and Katie nodded in agreement. “Can I get you anything else? Maybe grab you something to go? Not that I’m rushing you out or anything. Stay as long as you’d like.” He offered, standing up. Y/N giggled as he stumbled over his words, and he just chuckled at himself once he noticed her comforting smile. Y/N stood up as well, though with a little bit of a struggle that he could tell. He took her hand, setting his other on the small of her back, helping her up.

She gave him a weak smile. “Thank you. I’ve been in a bit of pain lately.” She explained, but she didn’t need to.

“No worries. I completely understand.” Sebastian gave her a concerned, but sincere smile.

Y/N locked eyes with him, and she couldn’t help but share the smile.

“It was really nice to see you again, Seba. I missed you.” Y/N confessed as she went in for a hug. Sebastian didn’t hesitate to welcome her into his arms.

“I missed you, too, Y/N. I hope your transition back home won’t be too hard. And don’t be afraid to ask us for anything. We’re happy to help.” Sebastian said with that sweet, loving smile.

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Y/N replied, shrugging on her jacket. “Thank you for the tea and the brownie. Just as good as I remember them.” Y/N smiled, making Sebastian blush lightly.

“Of course. Anything for you, Y/N. I’ll see you tonight, 7:30.” He reminded her in a quiet tone.

“See you then, Seba. Tell Grace I said goodbye.” Y/N responded and he nodded. She blushed as Sebastian leaned down to press a kiss on her cheek. Y/N, then, walked out of the cafe that she predicted she’d be spending a lot of time at in the near future.

#Sebastian Stan #sebastian stan imagines #sebastian stan x reader