#and i went so lightheaded and nauseous when they took the needle out that they had to recline me so my feet were above me head

[just-your-casual-nerd]

Can you possibly do a gwendoline/ or one of her characters comforting you after getting out of surgery please?

I just had surgery for the first time yesterday and I was stuck all alone and my nurse wasn’t really the nicest 😅 I just need some comfort in my life 😅❤️

I don’t normally do this kind of thing, then again, I've never had anyone ask me to write before. So, I'm going to give this a try and hope it turns out ok. Also, this was not beta read, so I’m sorry for all the spelling mistakes you'll probably find. I have chosen to write about Larissa x reader, I hope you like Anon! 

Warnings: Sickness, hospitals, lots of love from Larissa ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You're Not Alone  

When you woke up Tuesday morning you knew something was wrong. Your whole body felt like it was on fire, you were nauseous and lightheaded, and it felt like someone had stabbed you in your abdomen.  

It took all of your strength to just sit up on your pillows and look at your clock. Four thirty am shown brightly at you in bright red, causing you to turn your head away as a migraine started to form.  

Slowly, you turned your body towards the other side of your bed, facing the wall. Closing your eyes, you tiredly grabbed at your blankets around you and brought them up to your chin, shielding you from the world around you. Slowly you fall into a restless sleep as the world went dark around you.  

Sometime later you awoke to a banging on door and someone calling out your name. You tried to say something, but with every move you made it felt like you were going to die. The pain had increased ten-fold as though you were getting stabbed by a million tiny needles at once. 

Your throat was dry, and you could only let out a pained moan. Everything was blurry around you, and the last thing you heard was the door opening, your name being yelled, and a tall figure running towards you as your vision went black.  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You could hear this annoying beeping sound on the right side of your head. The bed you were in felt uncomfortable, the blankets were itchy, and something was weighing your left hand down, holding it in a tight grip.  

You weren't in your room; you could tell that right away. But where were you? The last thing you remember was terrible pain and someone yelling your name.  

Before you opened your eyes you tried to listen to the world around you. Besides the annoying beeping you could hear distant noises, people talking, and alarms going off. The air around you smelt like disinfectant, bleach and someone’s sweet perfume.  

Were you in a hospital? 

You could hear someone on the left side of you, and every so often a sound like a page being moved could be heard.  

Who could that be? 

You slowly turned your head to whoever was holding your hand and you slowly opened your eyes. What you saw next made your whole world stand still.  

Your principal, the allusive Larissa Weems sat next to you in what looked like a horribly uncomfortable white chair. Her hair was in her usual up do, her makeup perfect, yet you could see slight exhaustion written on her face as though she hadn't slept properly in days.  

All you could do was stare at her as she read whatever book was in her hand. Her face held a slight frown as though it was taking everything in her to read the words on the pages in front of her.  

It felt like hours as you watched her, memorizing every detail on her face, though it was probably only a few seconds until she noticed you.  

As her eyes met yours you saw the relief flood through them, and a slow smile grace her face. She sat up straighter, with her empty hand, she set her book on the floor and slowly leaned towards you. Now grasping your hand with both of hers, giving it a little kiss.  

“Y/n...you had me so worried darling. Are you ok?” 

You opened your mouth and tried to answer her, but all that escaped your mouth was cough. Your throat felt like sandpaper.  

Her eyes widened a little and her hands left yours as she moved to grab a glass of water for you. Once she had a cup of water in her hand, she brought it up to your mouth and you took a sip, feeling better now that your throat wasn’t as dry.  

Satisfied that you had drank enough water, she put the cup down on the table near your bed and grasped your hands in hers again.  

“wha...what happened? Where am I?”  

Larissa's face turned back to a frown at your questions.  

 “Darling, you're in the hospital. Your appendix burst, you had to go into surgery so they could remove what was left of it. But you're ok now, honey. They were able to remove it and said you will make a full recovery.”  

You were in shock. Your appendix burst? How? When? Is that why you were in pain? All these questions and more flooded your brain, but you settled on one to ask her.  

“How long have I been here?”  

Larissa looked away for a moment as she settled back into her chair. Facing you once more she took a breath and said, “Honey, you’ve been here four days. It was serious, but everything is ok. I'm here for you, your safe and sound.”  

Four days. You’ve been in the hospital for four days. All you could think about was the amount of homework you had piling up and all the things that you were missing out on. How were you going to take care of yourself when you got out of the hospital? What was going to happen next... 

Larissa could see the panic written across your face as your mind went ten thousand miles per minute. She could see the tears start to glisten your eyes and she knew she had to do something to calm you down. To show you that she was here for you, and you weren't going to be alone. 

She got up, and gently put her hands on your cheeks and leaned down giving you a gentle kiss on your forehead.  

Your mind went blank as you stared up at her and she smiled down at you.  

Still holding your head in her hands, she gently whispered to you; “Its ok darling. You're not alone, I'm here for you and we will get you through this together. You're not alone, love.”  

She leaned in to kiss your forehead one more time and you closed your eyes, knowing everything would be alright.  

#larissa x reader #principal larissa weems #larissa weems x reader #larissa weems #principal weems #fanfic #gwendolyn #gwendolineuniverse #gwen christie #fandom #fangirl #tumblr #tumblr girl #larissa weems fanfic #larissa weems fluff #wednesday netflix #love #fanfiction #fantasy #my love

[cyarikaa]

blood loss is no joke, kids

i donated blood for the first time today and damn

#i mean no ragrets ny is in a shortage #but also mine took twice as long as it should have bc the needle wasn’t placed right #and i went so lightheaded and nauseous when they took the needle out that they had to recline me so my feet were above me head #had to keep a huge bandage on my arm for 6 hours #just took it off and it started to bleed again :) #got out of bed to get a bandaid and almost passed out again lmaooo #still no ragrets #ramblin #not sw #blood #tw blood

[first-and-last-neocount]

Whumptober Day 2

So much love to @theobscurepotato and @peregrinealpha, you guys are fantastic and I really appreciate the support, it means the world to know that I’m not the only one excited for this! <3

I have no excuse for this one. Pretty sure this is the purest definition of an id fic, because it just kinda wrote itself, and when I was done and went back to read over it the front of my brain was like ‘what the hell did I just create’ and my lizard brain was purring ‘yesss, good’ like goddamn Palpatine. This is definitely not a scenario that I think would actually have happened in canon, but apparently it’s a scenario my brain wanted to play with, and I definitely do blame it on Gerald canonically having way too much fun needling Damien for no obvious reason other than for the sake of winding him up. 

Much like day 1, this is right in the grey area where I wasn’t sure whether to tag it NSFW or not, but I’m erring on the side of caution because I’d rather be overly conscientious than not. I also wasn’t entirely sure how to word the content warning tags, so I tagged it for general self destructive behaviour, because uh - what Gerald is doing here is not how to have a healthy relationship, kids. This is ‘personal experience with adolescent trauma’ meets ‘horrifically bad coping mechanisms’ with a dash of ‘really really warped views on intimacy’. This is also a consent nightmare, because Damien is not aware that Gerald is intentionally provoking him. Please do not try this at home. 

Day 2 - Theme Chosen: Choking

Gerald Tarrant wasn't above using deception to further his own interests, but he preferred evasion to direct falsehood, and he certainly wasn't in the business of lying to himself. Thus, he was well aware of why he was engaged in his current endeavour – that being, inciting yet another argument with his companion, intentionally goading the priest he'd spent the last few months travelling with into a heated debate over the fate of the little girl they'd unintentionally absorbed into their group after encountering the Terata. The part of his mind that was coolly analyzing his actions, though, was smaller than the part which was focusing on the argument itself.

Both of those part combined were smaller still than the part of his brain that was fixated on what the priest's hands would feel like closing around his throat.

“For the last vulking time, I am not just abandoning her!” The Knight's fraying patience finally snapped, and the bulkier man took a step toward the adept, his eyes blazing. He was only letting go this much because Jenseny was well away from the cave that was currently their refuge, gathering sticks with Hesseth to make a fire; the rakh-woman had sensed the building tension, and had deliberately taken the girl out of the way so that the two men in the group could clear the air.

“I don't care if you think it would be easier, I promised to keep her safe -”

His hands were clenched into fists at his side, the force of his indignation expressed through the whitening of his knuckles, the corded tension in his arms as he held himself back from violence. Gerald fired back a retort on autopilot during an appropriate pause in the priest's rant, his own manner cool and detached, his mask of indifference firmly in place despite his mental preoccupation. God, the strength in this man – Damien Vryce was a fighter, and the proof of that was in every line of his body, the broad stretch of his shoulders and the thick muscle that layered his naturally-sturdy frame. His hands were large and strong-boned, the skin tanned and weathered by years of travel, thickly calloused by the tug of leather reins and the hilts of weapons. Fae-augmented healing or not, if Vryce hit him, it would hurt. It would leave a mark, at least for a while.

It would feel real, in the way things rarely did now, isolated as he was by his own carefully crafted cocoon of power.

The words of a past lover drifted through his memory, that long-gone voice dripping with disgust. You're pathetic. So desperation for attention, you don't even care what it looks like. I could make you bleed and you'd say 'thank you', wouldn't you?

“Are you even listening to me?”

Gerald snapped back into the present moment fully, his unnaturally slow heartbeat accelerating a little as he registered the building fury in Vryce's voice. His lack of attention had been noticed, it seemed, and the priest's handsome face was turning an alarming shade of red as his temper swelled. Pride simmered in Gerald's chest at the reaction he'd provoked from the normally level-headed man, satisfaction slithering through his veins even as he replied in a deliberately bored tone.

“It's not as if you're saying anything you haven't said before, Reverend. Given the intensity of our pursuit, the girl would likely be safer out of our presence than in it. Regardless, though, it comes back to the same point; our goals are too important, we can't allow ourselves to be sidetracked by one insignificant chi-”

He read Vryce's intentions through the fae before it happened, the sudden resolve bleeding off the priest in an unmistakable wave of crimson, but his own surprise at finally eliciting such a concrete and visceral reaction kept Gerald from responding in time – not that he knew, necessarily, what response he might have tried to make. In a single smooth movement, the Knight grabbed Gerald's shoulder with one hand, shoving him forcefully backward while the other settled around Gerald's neck. As the Hunter's back slammed into the rough stone of the cave wall, Vryce pinned him there, leaning in as he snarled out his words in a voice gone guttural with rage.

“Don't you dare call her insignificant.”

The vitriolic reply he would have given in any other situation died unspoken as Gerald's usually turbulent mind went utterly, blissfully quiet, only a single line of thought remaining to him.

Yes. That's it. Do whatever you want. Hate me.

Hurt me.

Just don't let me go.

A dark and twisted lesson it might have been, but Gerald had learned one truth of human nature early in life, and had never forgotten it even as centuries passed. People were more than happy to lie and cheat their way through life, and would deceive you at every turn; you could so rarely be sure of  where their real intentions, or attentions, might lie. They could talk, laugh, eat, fuck, and at every moment their thoughts could be elsewhere – but not when they wanted to hurt you. If they were that angry at you, no distractions existed.

Once you drove them over the edge enough to put their hands on you, you were the only thing in the world that mattered.

Gerald tipped his head back against the unyielding stone behind him, just to feel the way Vryce's hand was clenched around his neck a little better; he didn't technically need to breathe to sustain himself, but he was reeling and lightheaded nonetheless, from the heady mixture of triumph and adrenaline pumping through his veins. A sensation of mingled horror and satisfaction, so deep it made him nauseous, made him swallow reflexively against the way his mouth flooded with saliva in response – and then swallow again, when Vryce's grip tightened on his flexing throat, strengthening the whirl of emotions in his mind until Gerald felt a very real stab of fear that he might actually faint.

All of it lasted, however, for only the briefest moment.

He could see it as the Knight came to his senses; their faces were only inches apart, wide grey eyes staring into burning hazel, and he saw the exact instant that the blind haze of fury fell away and Vryce realized how far he'd lost control. A wave of horror doused the smouldering blaze in those warm green-and-brown irises, and Vryce wrenched himself away, his hands going lax and falling back to his sides as he stared at the Hunter in horror.

“I'm – I didn't mean – hell!”

Gerald drew in a ragged breath, now bracing himself against the cave wall intentionally as his head spun; there was a vague sense of loss echoing in his mind, but far louder was the roar of victory, the greedy hunger in his chest transmuted to a throb of purring satisfaction.

Yes, I can hold you, I can draw your focus, I can make you care...

Careful this time to show nothing of the emotional tempest in his mind, Gerald lifted one hand to rub lightly at his no-doubt-bruising neck, casting the Knight a sardonic glance.

“Don't flatter yourself, Reverend,” he muttered, with a icy steadiness that he most certainly did not feel. “I assure you, if I felt you posed a genuine threat, you would never have gotten that close to me. You couldn't truly hurt me if you tried.”

At least, not when I can make you look at me with that much fire in your eyes...

Vryce seemed to have registered his words as the subtle threat Gerald had meant them to be taken for, though, if the priest's thoroughly shaken expression was anything to go by. He opened his mouth as if to speak, then hesitated for a long moment, looking deeply conflicted and vaguely sick. Finally, he shook his head sharply, and bit out a curt few words.

“It won't happen again.”

With that proffered statement – surely meant to be reassuring, or perhaps pacifying, for no doubt he assumed the Hunter was furious about Vryce's presumption in laying hands on him – the priest turned and strode hastily out of the cave. Gerald stayed where he was, hands splayed out against the cold rock behind him, feeling his pulse beating forcefully in his throat as he closed his eyes.

Oh yes, it will. If that's the only way I can have your hands on me, I'll make sure it does.

#whumptober2021 #no.2 #Choking #coldfire trilogy #fic #masochism #self destructive behaviour #nsfwhump #evil is what you make of it #gerald tarrant #damien vryce #the neocount writes

[adarafaelbarba]

Hi! May I please have a one shot with sonny (svu) x reader? Reader forgets to eat and gets super dizzy and that's it ! Thanks 🌈✨

Pairing: Sonny Carisi x reader

Fandom: Law and Order SVU

Requested: Yes (and no)

Request: «Hi! May I please have a one shot with sonny (svu) x reader? Reader forgets to eat and gets super dizzy and that's it ! Thanks 🌈✨» - @ theichabbieclub

A/N: Last fall I started feeling super dizzy at work. Whenever I turned my head, or leant my head backwards to look up. It was worse than I was used too (I’ve always had a low iron level in my blood, so I have to take supplements for that). It took about a week (and my boss/colleagues telling me) to get me to get a doctors appointment. It turned out I got something called benign vertigo, which isn’t dangerous. It just means the crystal like particles in your ears that tells your brain where you’re turning your head (and in general helps you keep your balance) have come loose and you’ve got to do some exercises to get them to hopefully attach again (this could take from one month to a year or more). So I started writing this little fic a while back, never finished, until I got this request and I felt like it would kinda fit with the unfinished fic 🥰 Hope y’all like it ❤️ -Karen

“(Y/L/N)! Do you have a moment?” Sonny asked as I stood discussing the case with Fin. “Uh, yeah sure, what’s—.” I started before feeling overwhelmingly dizzy. “Hey! You okay?” He asked, catching me as I fell forward, catching the attention of everyone in the bullpen. Not trusting my voice I nodded.

“What happened?” Olivia asked, walking too us. “I don’t know Lieu, one second she was standing up, the next she almost passed out”, Sonny explained, still holding me. “(Y/L/N), what’s going on?” She asked, looking to me. “I’m probably just tired and dehydrated. I’ll be fine,” I said, sitting back down to work. “Go home (Y/L/N). That’s an order.” Looking up at Liv I was about to fight it when she just gave me a stern look. “Fine.”

Grabbing my things I make quick way to the elevator. When I look back at it, I probably went too quick.

I didn’t really know where I was when I woke up, but there were loads of people standing over me when I came too it.

«Detective (Y/L/N)! Are you alright ma’am?!» someone asked as they stood over me. Sitting up slowly I looked around me. The lobby. «Uh, what happened?» I asked, my voice shaking as I breathed in. «Someone found you laying on the floor in the elevator and got you out here», the man said. «Ambulance is on the way», he added. «That’s not necessary sir!» I tried, but he held a hand up.

«(Y/N)! What the heck happened?!» Amanda asked, running over. «I must have gotten up too fast. I’m amazed I even made it to the elevator.» I shrugged, sitting up. «I’m taking you to the hospital to get you checked, and that’s not up for debate!» groaning at her antics I was about to argue with her when the guy from earlier butted in to say there were already an ambulance on the way. «No need, I’ll take her myself!» a few back and forth’s with them and the man gave in, calling to cancel the bus.

«Amanda!» I groaned, but she wouldn’t have any of it.

Getting to the emergency room I was taken straight to see a doctor.

“Alright ladies. What seems to be the problem?” He asked, looking at us. “My friend here is struggling a bit with dizziness, and today she passed out in the elevator at work”, Amanda explained. “Oh my”, the doctor said, looking from Amanda to me. “There are a handful of things that could have caused this, but I think it might be vertigo. It isn’t harmful, it just means your balance is off.” he went on explaining as he printed out a stack of papers.

“Now if you could sit down at the bench there Ms. (Y/L/N), I’ll run some tests before doing a blood test”, he said, motioning to the bench in front of us.

…

Standing back up when we finished off I could feel myself growing tired, and nauseous. “Is the nausea normal?” I asked, looking at the doctor. “It is. Vertigo basically makes you feel like you’re really drunk or like you’re on a boat. It sometimes gets easier with time, but I suggest getting some rest, drink a lot of water, do some of the exercises on the paper there», the doctor said, motioning to the exercises he was talking about. «Alright then I just want to take a quick blood test, and then you’re free to leave», he said, taking out the needle.

…

two days later I was back to work.

«(Y/N), hey, how are you feeling?» Sonny asked, looking over to me as I walked into the precinct. «I’m okay», I replied, smiling at him before sitting down at my desk. «Yeah? Here. I got you coffee», he said, handing me the cup of steaming beverage. «Thank you Carisi. That’s so nice of you», I said.

Work took my mind of the dizziness for the most part. That was until I got up to hand something to Amanda when I felt myself getting lightheaded again.

«Whoa! Easy there doll!» Sonny grabbed me before I fell. «If I didn’t know any better I’d say you were falling for me», he said, chuckling. «Keep dreaming prince charming!» I laughed, straightening myself up before patting his cheek.

«Seriously though. What did the doctor say?» he asked, keeping his eyes on me. «I’ve got something called benign vertigo. It’s not dangerous, or contagious, it’s just, I’m off balance. My brain thinks left when I’m actually turning right, so it feels like I’m on a boat», I said, looking from his ocean blue eyes down to the white coffee lid. «Or … you remember PO Thomasson’s birthday party two years ago? When we both drank more than we should have, and had a hard time standing straight?» he nodded at this. «It feels like that.»

«(Y/L/N)! Catch!» Amanda called, passing a water bottle over. «Rollins!» I groaned, thanking Sonny for catching it. «Remember what the doc said. Hydrate!» Nodding my head I set the coffee down before taking a big sip of the ice cold water.

I caught Sonny giving me a sympathetic look as I capped the water bottle again. «What?» I asked, looking at him. «Nothing, I just, I’m sorry this happened to you. And also, I’m your partner, I should be the one looking after you», he said, hanging his head in shame.

«Don’t be like that Carisi. Only reason Rollins knows all this is because she’s the one that took me to the hospital, and she was in the room when the doctor checked me», you reasoned. «Still, (Y/L/N), I should be looking after you. And I will, starting now», he said. «You really don’t have to Carisi.» But he wouldn’t budge.

…

He had done his homework apparently, reading up on the vertigo. «Hey Lieu! I need to take this phone call. I’ll be back!» you called out for Liv while carefully getting out of your chair and making your way to the break room.

«Dr. Edward, you got my bloodwork result?» you asked, trying not to let your nerves eat you up. «Yeah, your iron level was low, not dangerously low, but the level was low enough to make you dizzy. So I want to start taking iron supplements as soon as possible», he explained. «Thanks Doc, I’ll get them right after work.» You thanked him again and said goodbye before hanging up.

«Detective (Y/L/N)? Can I talk with you in my office?» Liv asked, looking at you. «Yeah, of course, what’s going on?» you asked. «Let’s talk in my office», she repeated herself.

Entering Liv’s office, you awkwardly sat down on the chair in front of her desk, waiting for her to start talking. «Are you okay?» she asked, sitting opposite you. «Yeah. I feel fine. I’ve taken time to rest. I’m eating more and I’m cutting back on coffee», you said. She didn’t seem at all convinced. «You still sway, like you’re about to fall, and you’re more cautious when getting up. If the dizziness don’t subside, I’m gonna have to put you on desk duty», Liv stated.

«Desk duty?! Lieu, with all due respect, I got it under control!» you exclaimed. She shook her head at this. «Until you get me a note from your doctor saying your fit to go out in the field, I’m keeping you on desk duty detective (Y/L/N), and that’s final.»

You exited her office in a huff and stormed off to the locker room, not caring who saw you.

«Hey, what happened?» Sonny asked, having followed you. «I’m apparently not fit to be in the field», you murmured, punching you locker door. «Oh?» he sounded surprised. «Yeah.» sitting down on the bench you leant your head back, immediately regretting it. «I’m on desk duty until further notice», you groaned.

…

You had nothing against cops liking or even wanting to be on desk duty. But it was not for you. You were an active person, an adventure seeking person, not someone who would do well being confined to a desk for the whole work day.

If you had someone to come home to at night it would be somewhat bearable, seeing as you got somewhat normal hours. But you lived alone, you were single, who would want to date someone with an irregular work schedule? The hours you got at home were spent laying on the couch and staring at the celling while the tv played in the background.

…

Four weeks into it all Sonny walked straight over to you after coming back from the DA’s office. «Come on, let’s go», he murmured. «Where are we going?» you asked, getting up so you didn’t have to crane your neck too much. «Lunch.» His smile was so infectious you couldn’t help but return it. «Lead the way Carisi.»

You found yourself sitting opposite each other in a cute little diner a couple of blocks down from the precinct. «What’s the occasion?» you asked, sipping on the lemonade you had gotten. «It’s a little pick me up, because I know you don’t like being on desk duty.» That made you smile. «Thank you Carisi», you said, your smile seemingly permanent on your face.

«Could you drop me off at home? I got to get something before going back to work», you asked Sonny after he had paid for lunch. «Yeah of course. I can wait while you grab it, so you don’t have to make your own way back», he suggested. «Then at least come up and wait. I can make you coffee to go.» Sonny nodded at this.

«Make yourself comfortable, I won’t be long», you murmured, going to your office to grab what you needed while leaving Sonny in the living room.

By the time you got back out to the living room, he was stood there holding two disposable cups. «I made coffee while I waited», he said, giving you a shy smile. «Thank you», you responded, blushing.

Taking the coffees from him you quickly put them down on the breakfast island. «Thank you Sonny. For helping me get my mind of the current situation. You’re an awesome partner», you said, hugging him tightly. «Oh, of course (Y/N). Anything to see you smile.» Looking up at him you couldn’t help but smile wide. He was literally the sweetest man in the world.

«We should head back to work before Liv starts calling us», Sonny murmured, turning to grab the coffee. «Yeah, hold on.» You had no idea what got over you, but you got a sudden urge to grab his face and pull him down to you. So you did, meeting him halfway to kiss him softly on the lips.

It felt like a mistake as soon as you kissed him, his lips almost frozen still against yours. «I’m so sorry Sonny! I don’t know what came over me», you gasped, pulling away. «I read the signals all wrong! Shit, I’m an idiot! Please let’s just forget this even happened», you rambled on, not even looking at him.

«Can you shut up for a second and stop pacing so I can speak?» he murmured, effectively stopping you in your track. Looking up at your partner you waited whilst nervously biting on your lower lip. «Sorry», you whispered. «I’m not», he replied, pulling you back in for a searing kiss.

There was one thing you were sure about, you never wanted to stop kissing Sonny. His lips moulded so well with yours as you both stood there in each others embrace. You let out a small moan at how good it made you feel, and Sonny took the chance to slip his tongue into your open mouth. Fuck, does this man know how to make out! you thought to yourself, your hands going into his hair.

When you reluctantly pulled away, you were both out of breath. «That was—wow. I’ve wanted to do that for the longest time», he murmured, caressing your cheek as you both stood there. «Yeah, me too», you confessed, smiling up at him.

«Shit. Yeah we really have to go. Let’s continue this later though.» Nodding at him you both grabbed your coffee and ran out the door.

Maybe being on desk duty wasn’t so bad after all?

Taglist: @thatesqcrush @beccabarba @itsjustmyfantasyroom @detective-giggles @sweetcannolicarisi

#sonny x reader #sonny carisi #detective sonny carisi #dominick sonny carisi jr #sonny carisi x reader #sonny carisi imagine #sonny carisi one shot

[yellowmagicalgirl]

Seklos and Gaylen, They Were Cagemates! Chapter 3: Reaching Out

Aja and Archie try to talk to their respective allies. Douxie is experimented on.

Thank you to everyone who reblogged and commented on the previous chapter 🥰

Spoiler/trigger warning: kidnapping, medieval torture (referenced only), needles, medical torture, dehumanization, unsafe medical practices (explained in more detail at the end of the chapter), referenced death.

If you would like to skip the torture scene/unsafe medical practices, skip the second scene; the end of chapter notes will have a brief recap of the scene with any plot-important stuff in there.

AO3

FFN

“Hey, hey, Aja, it’s gonna be okay,” Steve said to her over the phone. “I’m sure he’s fine. Maybe he just went for a walk this morning as well?”

Aja sniffled. “He doesn’t like it outside, though. He doesn’t like trees.”

“But he went outside yesterday, right? When you were on the phone with me? Maybe he came back and then went for another walk?”

“I mean, I guess, but I don’t think so. Zadra’s been on the alert all morning.”

“Could he have snuck out when she was asleep?”

“Zadra is a taylon; they’re trained to need very little sleep. Plus, I think I saw her making coffee using one of the energy drinks Stuart dropped off for her as a welcome-to-Earth gift.” Aja laughed a little at that, thankful for the distraction from her missing brother, and then she frowned.

She shouldn’t have been distracting herself from the fact that Krel was missing.

“Does anyone else know that Krel’s missing? If we get a big enough group searching for him –“

“No, we can’t. Maybe if he were human, sure, but if anything, people are going to see him as the enemy! If we get a big enough group, he’ll be dead!” Steve made a concerned noise; she had scared him. “I’m sorry for yelling; I’m just worried.”

“I know, I get it. But you weren’t around for all of yesterday’s battle; the people of Arcadia Oaks don’t mind the trolls. They gave them shelter from the sun.”

“But trolls were seen helping humans. Akiridions weren’t. Even if there are humans who would help us, how could we be sure no one would sell us out to bounty hunters, especially when Krel’s hurt? Or what if they did the same to Varvatos, for that matter?”

“Okay, I won’t push you if you aren’t ready. But do you have any other options – people who already know and you trust – than just me and Zadra? Because more people looking for Krel means more people that might find him and bring him back safe.”

Douxie was strapped down to a metal table by his arms and legs. He was cold, because his only clothing was a thin hospital gown, and the table was a cold metal. His head hurt from where he had been hit. He was hungry because he didn’t know when the last time he had eaten was. It had been a long time since he hadn’t known if he’d be getting a meal any time soon, but unlike back then he wasn’t sure if he would be able to eat even if food was offered. He felt too nauseous with dread.

He was going to be tortured. Even the knights wouldn’t have tortured Douxie. He was a wizard, yes, but he had been a child living on the streets. He wouldn’t have been any use in finding the few covens and independent wizards living in Camelot in defiance of King Arthur’s laws. They wouldn’t have tortured him for information; they would have just given him a swift death by the sword. They nearly had, until Merlin had saved him.

Douxie suspected that Merlin wasn’t going to save him from this Area 49-D (or whatever the four-armed alien had called it) place. Yes, his master was going to come back for him, despite all the sympathetic looks that Archie, Zoe, and Tatik Margarid gave him when they thought he wasn’t looking. But Merlin had said to wait in Arcadia. And despite Douxie’s efforts, he wasn’t following them. Hopefully Merlin wouldn’t be too disappointed in Douxie, despite how he always was. A better apprentice wouldn’t have been caught by humans with tasers who were about to…

Honestly, Douxie wasn’t quite sure what they were going to do to him. He remembered hearing about how people would be hung by their thumbs and have fires lit under their feet. Neither of those made sense with being strapped down.

An elastic band was tightly tied around his lower arm, and one of the orange suited technicians jabbed a needle into one of the veins in his hand.

Douxie whimpered as the blood began to flow out from his hand into the vial. It hurt so much.

“Hey, how many vials do we need for testing right now?” asked one of the two technicians.

“I think the tests are being done in pairs, right?”

“Yeah, that makes sense.” They switched to a second vial. “So, how many extra should we take?”

“We don’t want it to die on us too early.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right. Besides, we can always jab it more later.” The room was silent aside from the pained noises escaping Douxie’s throat. They finished filling the second vial.

“Okay, time for the second pair.”

“Wha-“ Douxie started, but he felt an odd jolt run through his system as one of the technicians took a remote and turned a dial. The lights on his cuffs dimmed slightly. He still felt cold, sore, nauseous, hungry, and scared, but he felt more normal than he had ever since the Battle of the Bands.

“Do y’think its blood samples will be any different from that other freak we captured?” asked one of the technicians.

“Eh, that’s our job to find out. Plus, we’ve gotten more funding since that other magical freak died.”

Douxie tried very hard not to hyperventilate. They had captured another wizard and probably tortured them to death. They would probably do the same to him.

“Maybe now we could see if there’s any changes in its blood when we turn down the magic suppressors.” The technician grabbed the remote and turned the dial again. Once more, he felt better.

Douxie’s eyes widened. Magic, of course! That’s what the cuffs were doing to him. Gritting his teeth, Douxie reached out to his magic. It was barely there, but his hands started glowing. Maybe he could force the needle out of his hand. His eyebrows drew together in concentration, and his hands began to glow.

A fist connected with his jaw. Tears formed in Douxie’s eyes as he lost his concentration.

“Don’t even think about it,” the technician who had punched Douxie said to him. “I’d be more than happy to beat you up, you fucking freak, so go ahead and fight back. There’s more where that came from.”

Douxie lost track of the time until they finally finished collecting his blood. Before they undid the restraints they took his magic from him once more. He was lightheaded when they finally threw him back in his cage. He gazed at his reflection. There were multiple bruises forming on his face. He looked beyond the glass and frowned, then winced because that made the bruises hurt more. The four-armed alien was gone. Douxie hoped he would come back. He could use a friend.

His face hurt. He was cold, because the glass cage and thin gown didn’t keep the chill from his bones. He was nauseous and hungry at the same time. Once more, he couldn't feel his magic.

The technicians hadn’t even given him a bandage for the bleeding.

Hex Tech didn’t open until nine AM, but Zoe always got there at a quarter to eight. She had to as manager and matriarch. Well, mainly as matriarch, because her business skills caused her to constantly be working the front desk in longer shifts than the state of California considered legal. It didn’t help that, as much as Zoe tried to keep up to speed with the modern era, wizards born after the industrial revolution were a little more proficient with picking up new things. Like how to play nice with the witches running corporate.

Zoe stretched and yawned. Her coven would have to have a meeting soon about how much they would reveal. The youngest members of the coven wanted to reveal themselves since the whole town knew about trolls. Older members of the coven were concerned, whether it be about the town potentially turning on them, or about the potential that revealing that their franchise was a coven would put all the other Hex Tech-affiliated covens in danger, since presumably they didn’t have to deal with trollish invasions. And, of course, since the majority of her coven had been born after Killahead, every single wizard who refused to learn more than an extremely basic monsterology was demanding answers on why lumps of rock had attacked the town.

Well, at least most of the rubble was gone, probably eaten. Most of it, except for a broken red-and-white guitar laying in front of the door to Hex Tech. Great. Just great. She hadn’t seen much rubble on her way her way to work and here it was. She knelt down to grab it and then she saw a stray black cat curled up next to the guitar.

No.

Not a stray.

No stray cat had a pair of glasses on his face.

“Archie? What’re you doing here? And is that Douxie’s guitar?” As forgetful as Douxie could be, he had always been rather responsible. Zoe knew she had gone soft when she caught herself thinking he was too responsible, not when his childhood was far more similar to her own than that of the children of this century. Douxie knew the value of craftsmanship and the fear of shortages, and he wouldn’t just leave his guitar on the sidewalk with his just-waking familiar.

Archie looked up at her. The fur around his eyes was stained by tears. “I need your help. I can’t sense Douxie anymore.”

Zoe staggered to the door, trying to keep her breathing steady. She fished in her pocket for her keys with one hand and made a fist with the other, digging her nails into her palm to ground herself. She was the coven matriarch; she couldn’t break down even though she wanted to right now. As far as she could recall, the only thing that could break a familiar bond was death. No. No. She was used to outliving people she cared about, but the last few centuries had made her go soft. Douxie was only a kid; he shouldn’t be dead.

“Let’s go inside,” Zoe said, voice shaking.

A/N: Sorry about the lack of Krel in this one; I promise he'll be here next chapter! Also, Douxie's backstory is a bit different from show canon, mainly because I'm changing up the Wizards lore in such a way that time travel isn't needed because I'm not a time travel fan.

Torture scene recap: Douxie is strapped down and has his blood taken from him. He learns that the cuffs are blocking his magic, but can be adjusted so that he can have access to it. Area 49-B is attempting to learn if the amount of magic he has access to can be detected in his blood. He also learns Area 49-B captured another wizard previously, but that wizard is dead now. Douxie attempts to use his magic only to be punched for fighting back.

On the unsafe medical practices found in this chapter: hand-based blood draws suck; I've had them and they've always hurt. However, they can be safely done, and work especially well if you're too dehydrated for the nurses to find the veins in your elbows. The personnel are only doing it in the hand because it hurts, though. In addition, they chose not to sterilize the injection site, even though this could lead to Douxie getting an infection. In addition, Douxie not receiving a bandage contributes to both blood loss and risk of infection. Torture ≠ sound science.

#staja #aja tarron #steve palchuk #hisirdoux casperan #area 49b #toa zoe #toa archie #tales of arcadia #3below #toawizards #torture tw #death mention #kidnapping #needles #medical torture #medical malpractice #dehumanization #my writing #and they were cagemates #seklos and gaylen they were cagemates!

[highfunctioningflailgirl]

Whumptober No.20

“Ow! Are you fucking kidding me?!”

Rios hissed through clenched teeth, staring at his shoulder in disbelief. An arrow was protruding from it, its head deeply buried in his flesh.

“Cris!”

Agnes dropped to one knee beside him, blue eyes anxious.

“Stay down!”

That was Elnor, his phaser spitting fire at the handful of natives they definitely shouldn’t have underestimated. More arrows clattered against the pile of boulders they were sheltering behind.

“Ow, dios, fucking hell!”

Rios was writhing on the ground like one of those idiots in an old cowboy movie, too stupid to take cover when the shit hit the fan.

“Don’t move! Stay still! Cris!”

Agnes had her hands on his chest and hip, trying to keep him from rolling. She looked afraid but determined in that shaky, fierce way she had when things went out of control. And keeping still was probably a good idea when you had an arrow stuck in you, so Rios made an effort at complying, hissing another curse to channel his pain and fury.

This was not how a first contact was supposed to go down.

“That’s it. Hold still.”

Rios rolled his head as much as the pain allowed to see what Agnes was doing. She took one look, then ripped his shirt open around the arrow shaft and inspected what they were dealing with. A little nauseous, Cris saw the arrow sticking out of his skin below his collarbone, shuddering with each breath he took, blood oozing up around the shaft and smearing his chest.

“Shit.”

Agnes tore her bandana from her neck and pressed it down around the wound. Rios bit back a scream.

“Picard!” She shouted into her comm badge. “We’re under attack! The captain’s been hit! Beam us up immediately!”

The reply was quick and disheartening: “Negative. Their defense system is blocking our transporter signal. I can’t get a lock.”

Oh, come on! They were shooting arrows, but their technology outsmarted La Sirena’s?!

Cris groaned.

Over Agnes’ shoulder, he saw Elnor rise cautiously and sweep the sight of his phaser across the landscape. But he’d stopped shooting, and the shower of arrows had ceased.

“Cris is hurt,” he heard Agnes shout urgently. “He needs medical assistance, and he needs it now!”

“I’m sorry, doctor Jurati,” the Emergency Engineering Hologram’s voice responded in Picard’s stead. “We’re tryna find a work-around, but I dinna ken how long that’ll take.”

“And Emil?” Agnes sounded anxious. “Can you send him down at least?”

“Negative.” That was the clean British accent of the EMH. “Holographic patterns are blocked as well. I will have to assist you from here. At least the bioscanners are working. Captain Rios’ vitals are indicating a traumatic injury including blood loss. What exactly is the nature of his medical emergency?”

Agnes groaned, tipping her head back to close her eyes for a second of endless frustration. Rios fought down a surge of fear. They were stranded, he was wounded with no help available, and if Agnes fell apart now…

But she didn’t. Rios saw her pull herself together. She took a deep breath, murmured a quick “okay”, and when she opened her eyes again, they were filled with new determination.

“He has an arrow stuck in his left shoulder, below his collarbone, close to the joint,” she reported. “There’s bleeding, but it doesn’t look arterial.”

“Copy that,” Emil’s voice came back. “Your observations concur with my readings. Do you see an exit wound?”

The bastard sounded intrigued.

Agnes touched Rios’ face. “Can you roll a little? I need to check your back.”

Cris nodded back and did as told. Gingerly, he shifted his body weight to his right side and lifted his left to turn on his side.

Ow. Ow. Ow.

He felt Agnes slide her hand behind his back and run it across his shoulder blade.

“Okay. It didn’t go through.” She exhaled. “No exit wound.”

Gently, she helped him back into his flat position.

“Meaning the head’s embedded inside,” said a matter-of-fact voice. “It will be all the more difficult to get it out.”

Elnor had joined them, apparently finished with their attackers. Judging by his usual efficiency, they were all lying stunned in the grass, out for the next hour or so. He’d had orders from Picard not to shoot to kill, and he mostly took orders seriously.

“Thanks for your candor,” Cris gritted out. “As usual, it’s very refreshing.”

The Romulan squatted down beside him, unperturbed, but he rested one hand on Rios’ arm in a comforting gesture. His honesty had nothing to do with unkindness.

“We’re not taking the arrow out here, Elnor,” Agnes informed them both. “We’ll leave that to Emil once we have Cris back on board.”

“Good idea,” Rios rasped. Agnes was still pressing the bandana down on his wound, and every time her fingers only so much as brushed against the arrow shaft, pain flared up sickeningly, burrowing along a fiery path through his shoulder. He couldn’t even imagine the agony of pulling the damn thing out without anesthesia.

“I’m afraid we can’t wait that long,” the EMH chimed in. “The scans tell me that Captain Rios’ system is being compromised by a class B biotoxin. I assume the arrowhead was coated with it.”

Chesumadre.

At least it explained the curious pins-and-needles feeling that had sprung up in Cris’ hands and feet. Unless that was related to shock, and Cris was pretty sure that shock was an item on the getting-shot-by-an-arrow checklist.

He craned his neck to look at Agnes. She looked… spooked.

“What’s a… class B biotoxin?” Elnor asked, sounding both curious and worried.

“It’s a type of poisonous agent that affects the central nervous system,” she explained, reverting to professionalism while Cris could see the worry in her eyes. “It paralyzes the muscles. Type B means it’s slower-acting, which is good, because it gives us a little time, otherwise…”

She put one hand against Cris’ neck, feeling his pulse, and bent lower to check his eyes.

“Do you feel any symptoms? Any numbness or weakness?”

Cris swallowed. “I have pins and needles in my hands and feet.”

Admittedly, the pain and the fear were slowly getting to him. He was used to the EMH materializing by his side in any case of emergency, wielding his tricorder and hyposprays and generally getting on his nerves while fixing him up. He was also used to stoically waving the hologram away and dealing with minor injuries on his own. But this wasn’t minor, and he could feel it.

Agnes’ cheeks flushed with worry.

“Can you squeeze my hand?”

She’d placed hers into his right, good one. Rios closed his fingers around hers and squeezed, but his grip felt odd, tingly, and from the way Agnes’ forehead creased he could tell something was wrong.

“Weakness in his right hand,” she spoke loudly into her comm unit. “I can’t check his left because of the injury.”

“Noted.” There was a moment of silence before the EMH spoke again, his voice sounding uncommonly grave. “Doctor Jurati, you have to remove the arrow, and you have to do it quickly.”

Oh fuck.

To Rios’ surprise, Agnes nodded without hesitation. She looked shaken, but like someone who had seen this coming. Her hand still held Cris’, and it was dry and warm.

“Affirmative,” she said. “How do I do it?”

“There is a small med kit in your backpack,” the EMH replied.

Elnor grabbed the backpack that she’d shucked off during the attack and pulled a silver case out from its bottom.

“I have it!”

“Open it,” Emil instructed. “It should hold disinfectant, bandages, a laser scalpel, a dermal regenerator and a hypospray with several loading vials.”

While Rios watched Agnes rifle through the kit, her lips moving as she read the medication labels to herself, he noticed a certain detachment overcoming him. Pain was still fanning out across his shoulder, reaching into his back and chest, but he somehow seemed to care less. The tingling sensation was creeping up his arms and legs. Was this shock or the poison?

“Agnes,” he rasped. “I… I feel strange.”

She stopped rummaging and stared at him. Her eyes were intense.

“What do you mean, ‘strange’?”

“I don’t… numb. Weird.”

It was true. His body felt heavy, and the tingling sensation had reached his stomach and neck. His thoughts as well felt… shrouded.

Agnes tore her eyes away from him and looked up, into the sky. “Emil? Did you hear this?”

“I did. We need to hurry, Doctor Jurati.”

Rios listened with increasing difficulty as the EMH listed instructions. Something about cutting wide enough to evacuate the arrowhead in one piece and about using the dermal regenerator to help get the bleeding under control. Something else about not cutting the axillary artery and staying clear of the radial nerve. Sadly, he didn’t catch anything about anesthetics, and he felt too sluggish to ask.

Agnes’ face reappeared in his line of vision. She brushed her blond curls out of her face and gave him a shaky smile.

“Okay, Cris. I’m going to be as quick as I can, but it’s going to hurt. Elnor will help you keep still.”

She blinked, blue eyes braver than anyone could have guessed she could be, and he met her gaze in silent trust. Elnor’s face hovered into view next to hers as he got into position, giving Cris a firm, wordless nod.

The EMH’s voice returned: “Ready, doctor Jurati?”

“Ready.”

Agnes pressed a hypospray to his neck that made him feel lightheaded. Elnor’s arms came down across his chest and hips, and Cris saw white-blue light flash as Agnes lifted the laser scalpel. Then the pain came. It bit into him, the smell of blood mixing with that of cauterized flesh, and he gasped. But the pain didn’t let up, and Agnes didn’t stop. He felt the laser cutting deep into his shoulder, relentless, and Cris arched his head back and released a scream. Elnor held him down, murmuring strings of Romulan - prayers? And Cris screamed, and Agnes cut, and the disembodied voice of the EMH drifted from the sky, and then Cris thought he would lose his mind as Agnes grabbed the arrow tight and pulled it up, pulled it through muscle and tissue and skin with a sick, slurping sound, and then, gracias a dios- darkness.

The pain wasn’t gone when he came to, an indefinite amount of lost time later, on La Sirena’s transporter pad, cradled in Elnor’s and Agnes’ arms, but the EMH was already bearing down on him with a hypospray. A hiss. A cool sensation, and then the pain ebbed away, and so did his fear at seeing his own chest splattered with blood and smeared all over Agnes. Cris heard voices, saw faces, but he couldn’t move, didn’t want to move. He only wanted to know if it was over and if he could go to sleep without worrying if he would ever wake up again.

He felt himself being lifted onto something soft, and, on his back, stared at the ceiling of the transporter room, then at Agnes leaning over him as they moved.

Her cheeks were wet, but she was smiling as she placed her hand on his forehead.

“It’s over. You’re okay.”

Cris closed his eyes and went to sleep.

#whumptober2020 #whumptober #star trek picard #aramis in space #fanfic #fan fiction #cristobal rios #agnes jurati #elnor #EMH #field medicine

[ashtonsunshine]

Hi, I'm back from the hospital. My grandmother is okay. She can't sit up but she's okay.

That hospital is so big. We had to walk so much to reach her room. We reached the elevator and waited for it to arrive. As we waited, a bed with a lady came out of the emergency OR and was waiting for the elevator too. When it reached our floor, everyone had to get out of the elevator so the bed with the lady could get in because patients have priority. We had to wait for like five minutes for the elevator to come back down. We couldn't use the stairs because my aunt has difficulty walking so we couldn't do anything but wait.

As soon as we entered the Cardiology area, I started smelling the hospital scent of disinfectant and that was when I had to gather myself. That smell makes me feel so uncomfortable. It brings me so many bad memories: painful vaccines with blindness and deafness as side effect, injured hands, twisted ankle, acute intestine pain, painful needles for intravenous liquids, visiting my grandfather and him dying days after. I hate that smell.

When we entered the room, my gran was drinking water from a straw. She was in a good mood despite not being able to move her leg or sit up.

Two hours went by and it was snack time. The hospital staff brought her tea and buttered bread for her to eat. When she finished, the nurse came by to check on her bandage. I had to look away. The only thing I saw was bruised thigh and I had to deep breathe to not feel lightheaded.

I can't handle my imagination when it comes to internal body imagery. When we were being taught the circulatory system in high school, I almost fainted in class. I'm fine with seeing blood and opened bodies on TV, but listening to people explain medical procedures and bodily functions is too much. One time, I was watching The Good Doctor and in it they show those graphics on screen as he explains what's up with the patient. I had to stop watching it because I felt like vomiting. I had to go to the bathroom just to make sure I didn't vomit on the living room floor. But Grey's Anatomy I'm totally fine with because they don't explain in depth what they are doing. They just say the patient has a tumour or whatever and move on.

Then, we left to go grab us a snack and let her rest for a bit. I even drank milk coffee to snap me out of my state. I never drink coffee. I hate coffee. When we were done, we walked for a bit and went back to the hospital.

My aunt and uncle went in and I waited in the reception for like 45 minutes. In that time I found out that the pockets of my blazer are real, after all. They were just sown in. I've had this blazer for almost a year now and always thought it had fake pockets. Turns out it does have pockets. I spent that waiting time ripping the threads out to open them up.

My uncle came down so I could go up. He told me that the nurses were around my gran because she had a bit of a fever. They did some tests and gave her medication for it, and also positioned her better on the bed.

When I arrived to the room, she was already eating chicken rice and vegetables. After she finished dinner, she went to take her meds but the meds fell on her, so me and my aunt were kind of scavenger hunting for them. We found them, she took them, we said our good nights and then left.

As we were walking through the wing corridors, the smell of disinfectant was stronger because they must have been cleaning and, man, I had to focus on other things to take my mind off it.

Now, I am home, slightly nauseous and with a bit of a headache.

#carmo says things #personal #text

[spn-ficfanatic]

Normal Again- Pt 1

MASTERLIST - - “NORMAL AGAIN” SERIES MASTERLIST

Summary: After being poisoned, you come to believe that you are confined to a mental hospital and that your life as a hunter never really existed.

Chapter Summary: You turn up at the bunker after a hunt gone wrong, cold and injured and seeing things you shouldn’t. Hiding the latter from the brothers is the best option though... right?

Characters: Sam x Reader (eventual?), Dean

Word Count: 2707

Warnings: Swearing, talk of mental institutions, descriptions of being restrained

A/N: Credit for help remembering the Buffy stuff goes to here. I can’t access the site beyond this page but it’s not the first time I’ve gotten a script from here and (at this rate) it probably won’t be the last.

Italics are happening in the readers mind... or is it?

You knocked on the door of the bunker with your good arm, hoping against hope that the guys would be home. Catching a hunt in town seemed like a great chance to catch up with them, however you hadn't anticipated the strength of the monster you'd fought. You had fought hard but in the end the bastard got away, leaving you with a stab wound on the arm and a lump on your head as a memento of your encounter. Shivering slightly in the cold you wrapped your jacket around your shoulders tighter, avoiding your bleeding arm as best you could.

It had been a while since you’d visited the bunker. You used to hunt with the brothers all the time but the last few months had been difficult on you mentally, and you preferred your own company when you were like that. Two months ago you took off, leaving a note. They were upset but you saw no need to worry them with your near-constant state of teary-ness, nor be concerned about how much you were (or weren’t) eating. Not that you didn’t keep in touch though, emailing and messaging Sam on occasion to reassure them you were still kicking; knowing if you didn’t they would probably turn up on your hypothetical doorstep after tracking you down through your GPS. They hated when you decided to fight solo, but knew you were too stubborn to come back to fight with them unless you wanted it.

 You sighed in relief as you finally heard heavy footsteps approach the door, and plastered a smile on your face to greet whichever brother was on the other side.

"Y/N?" Dean asked in surprise, lowering his weapon which had been aimed at your face. “Where the hell have you been? It’s been weeks!”

"Good to see you too D," you told him, wincing despite your best efforts as your shivering body jostled your wound.

"You're hurt," he surmised, tucking his gun into his waist and taking a hand to guide you in. You let him, grateful for the help as you started to feel lightheaded. You swallowed thickly and closed your eyes, hoping for the feeling to pass quickly.

"Yer. Lost a bit of blood too, was hoping one of you could help fix me up?" you asked him quietly, embarrassed to be asking for help after your disappearing act.

"Sure, just hang here for a second," he instructed, leaning you against the railing while he went back to close the heavy door behind you. Shrugging off his jacket he laid it across your shoulders, earning a hiss from yourself.

"Sorry sorry. Let go fix you up yer? Sam's just in the library. SAMMY!" Dean called out, using his best 'get the first aid kit on your way' tone of voice as he helped to guide you down the stairs, sensing you were a little woozy. One arm behind your back and the other gripping your good hand, you took each step one at a time before finally reaching the landing.

"Christ, when did you add more stairs to this? Don't remember it taking so long last time," you puffed.

Dean huffed humourlessly. “Yer, well, if you didn’t go MIA for so long maybe you would.”

You sighed in defeat as he led you to the nearby table, sitting you down in the chair before tearing away at your sleeve. You let out a soft whimper and when he looked at you concerned you shrugged with your good shoulder.

“Nothing, just… was my favourite shirt.”

He rolled his eyes and inspected your arm while Sam ran over.

“Y/N? Are you ok? What’s going on?” he asked concerned. Dean reached over for the first aid kit and Sam handed it to him, coming around to your other side to inspect the damage.

“Jesus, what the hell were you fighting?”

You shook your head gently, acutely aware you’d also hit your head during the scuffle.

“I’m not sure, I’ve not seen anything like it before. Um, big and muscly, red eyes and translucent white skin that kinda looked like melted wax?” Sam shook his head, not able to pinpoint the monster off-hand. “It was stronger than I expected too, threw me against a wall and jabbed me in the arm with this… pointy thing on its hand before running off.”

“What, it was holding a pointy thing?” Dean asked, confused.

“No, ON its hand. It was like it was attached, like a retractable weapon that shot out of its wrist. It was fucking weird,” you told them. Sam looked at your wound concerned while Dean finished cleaning and wrapping it up.

“I should probably do some research then. Other than in pain is anything else wrong? Headache? Nauseous? Hallucinations?”

You shifted in your seat, nervous.

“Um, yer, well, it threw me against a wall and I hit my head pretty hard so you know… concussion maybe.”

Dean took a torch and shone it into your eyes without warning, causing you to recoil and shield your eyes with your hand. He tutted.

“Only a little one from the looks of it. You’ll be ok,” he announced, patting your knee and turning the torch off before putting it back in the kit.

“OK enough to sleep?” you asked, nearly pleaded. “I haven’t in about 24 hours and I’m wiped after that fight.”

“Ah yer, sure. Come with me, you can crash in the room next to mine,” Sam told you, holding out his hand for you to take as you made to lift yourself out of the chair. 

A sudden feeling of dizziness overtook you and a flash of white flew across your eyes. Humming, you shut your eyes tight and held onto the chair tighter. You felt four strong hands on you, and heard your name being called but it sounded so far away. The smell of antiseptic stung your nostrils before everything seemed to come back to you. You opened your eyes again, and was greeted by Sam and Dean’s concerned faces staring back at you.

“Y/N? You with us?” Dean was calling, and you nodded.

“I’m ok, I’m sorry. Felt a little lightheaded is all.”

Dean and Sam shot each other a worried look before Sam took your hand again and this time wrapped his arm around your waist. Carefully he led you to the spare room beside his own and sat you on the bed, stopping to fluff your pillow before standing back up. You eyed him curiously before he blushed.

“We’ve not had anyone stay in here before so I thought that, you know, maybe the pillow was a bit flat, or… something,” he stumbled awkwardly, embarrassed. “Anyway, I’ll let you get some sleep. I’ll do some research, figure out what we’re dealing with. And then Dean and I will go out and kill this thing. Don’t worry about it ok? Just sleep.” He backed out of your room while talking and without waiting for a response shut the door behind him.

You sighed as you sat on the edge of the bed, resting your face in your hands. You hadn’t told him about the possible hallucinations, maybe you should have. Scratch that, you definitely should have. But then they’d want to know what you were seeing and… you couldn’t face that. You’d not told them about that chapter of your life and you weren’t keen to anytime soon. Laying back on the bed gently, you closed your eyes and felt yourself drift off to sleep easily.

Walking toward the back of the apartment block, you stopped when you heard a coarse hiss. You held your blade higher as you softened your steps, hoping to catch the monster by surprise. Backing up, you felt yourself walk into something hard and you leapt forward before turning around to face your enemy.

“Oh. Hi.”

Deciding you could chastise yourself later for getting snuck up on, you and the monster began to circle each other. It eyed you like a rabid beast.

“So. You didn’t by any chance attack a couple of women this week did ya?”

The monster took the first swing, fast and heavy. You ducked, dealing it kicks and punches while working it back down the alley. The bastard got a shot in though and it sent you flying back, cracking your head against the wall hard. Your knife had gone flying too, and lay a few feet behind the monster now. You recovered from the blow remarkably quickly and grabbed the closest thing, a nearby trashcan lid, and started banging it the monster on the head with it desperately.

Christ, if Sam and Dean could see me now I’d never hear the end of it, you thought embarrassed.

With one swipe the monster shredded the lid and knocked you back against the wall before a long, needle-like stinger sprung out of its wrist. You flailed under its other hand, helpless to escape under its strength, until you felt a hot stabbing pain in your arm. A white flash clouded your vision and you felt like you were being flung through the air. When you came down you realised you were still being held tightly, but there were now human voices screaming at you.

“Y/N!! Stop fighting!! You're gonna hurt yourself!!! Calm down!!”

You opened your eyes to see a man in a white uniform struggling to keep hold of you, while another backed away holding an empty syringe. Your arm stung, and your eyes flew wildly around the room trying to figure out where you were. You caught your reflection in the metal bedframe and were horrified to see the person looking back. Dark rings under your eyes, pale skin, and greasy flat hair falling over your face in strands. You couldn’t help but scream, realising at last where you were.

“We’re going to have to strap her down,” the man with the needle remarked, coming closer to you to help the other man who was still struggling to keep you still. You hadn’t stopped fighting him, kicking and pushing the whole time.

As you felt their strong arms lift you, your head swam once more and you felt yourself dropping out of space and time.

When you opened your eyes you were alone, and you immediately leapt to your feet. Dazed however, you fell back against the alley wall gripping your arm when you realized it was dripping with blood. Everything hurt. And what the hell happened there for a sec?

Gasping, you sat up quickly. It took you a moment to remember where you were, safe in the room next to Sam’s. You looked at the clock and realised you’d only been asleep for a couple of hours, though for a hunter that was nearly half of what you got every night so you decided it was enough. Gently, you pushed yourself off the mattress and decided to head for the kitchen for a drink of water.

You smiled when you heard voices ahead of you, and turned in to find Sam and Dean sitting at the table with a coffee each.

“Hey Y/N,” Sam greeted you with a worried smile. “Did you get any sleep?”

“I managed a couple of hours, thanks,” you replied tiredly, heading to the counter for a glass. You whimpered when you remembered they were out of your reach, and Dean got up to give you a hand.

“Here you are shorty,” he commented, handing you a glass from the top cabinet while you gently hit him in the stomach with your good arm.

“We can’t all be 10 feet tall, you freaks,” you replied with a laugh, filling it to the brim with water before chugging it down in one go.

“Christ, what are you, half camel?” he asked, earning a glare from you. You pulled the glass down and wiped a drop of water from your chin with your wrist.

“I haven’t had anything to drink since before the hunt, excuse me for feeling a little dehydrated,” you scolded playfully, walking over and sitting down at the table with Sam.

“So, any luck with the research?” you asked him, resting your arm on the table.

“Not yet. How’s that feeling?” he asked, gesturing to your bandaged wound.

“Meh, I’ll survive.”

“So Sam and I are thinking we’ll just head out and find this asshole,” Dean commented, coming closer and resting his hands on the back of the chair and leaning against it.

“Great. I’ll come too,” you decide. Sam and Dean exchanged a look for a split second before each hiding a hand behind their back. As you took your glass back to the kitchen you missed their exchange of rock, paper, scissors, and Dean’s grimace as he realised he’d lost. Again.

“Um, Y/N, I understand your wanting to get this thing back and all but you’re hurt, you’re concussed… coming with us is basically the worst idea you’ve ever had. Just… really really stupid.”

Sam threw his hands in the air behind him in frustration.

“Dude!”

Dean turned to look at him, confused. Sam shook his head and stood up to face you, trying not to be affected by the pouty face you were throwing his way.

“Y/N, Dean’s right. NOT about the, you know… whole “stupid” thing,” he said, raising his hands to make quotation marks with his fingers. “I understand wanting revenge but you’re in no position to fight. You could get hurt again.”

“This was my hunt Sam! I’m not going to let this prick, no pun intended, get away with killing those girls!”

“And neither are we, I promise!”

“I’m coming Sam.”

“No, you’re not.”

“Am!”

“Not!”

“Sam, if she wants to come just let her.”

“What? Dean, are you crazy?”

“No crazier than her! But we’re wasting time arguing about this and-”

“I’m not letting her risk her life for a stupid hunt!”

You hated when the boys argued, especially over something as stupid as your stubbornness, but a wave of dizziness hit you just as you tried to calm them down.

“Um, guys…”. Not again, you silently begged. Gripping your head you felt your knees give out, and a pair of arms grab you just as your knees hit the floor.

You tried to focus, as if coming back from a really vivid dream. You saw nothing but blurry white figures, and someone stepped toward you. You cowered, and as they came closer you recognised them as a doctor. Seemingly kind and compassionate, but the jury was still out until they spoke you decided.

“Y/N? Can you hear me,” he asked softly.

You stiffened, realising Sam and Dean were no longer with you.

“Whe… what is this?” you asked, your voice gravelly as if you hadn’t spoken in months. Your eyes focused further and you began to recognise the hospital room from your previous episode. Your breathing escalated with fear and panic.

“Do you know where you are?” the Doctor asked kindly.

“I-I’m with Sam and Dean. In the Bunker.”

The doctor raised a hand as if to place it on your shoulder, and you shrunk back against the padded wall. Stepping back he raised his hand in the air to show he meant no harm, and proceeded as gently as possible.

“No, Y/N. None of that is real. None of it. You're in a mental institution. You're ill. You've been with us ten years now, do you remember?”

You blinked rapidly, your focus jumping from clear to blurry sporadically. Inching away even further you stared at him in shock. You could see figures approaching behind him, but they still looked like blurry blobs to you. The Doctor noticed you notice them, and held a hand behind him to gesture to them.

“It's going to be okay. Look... Look who's here.”

He stepped away revealing your parents, alive and well. Certainly not in the state you last saw them… every inch of skin ripped to shreds. They approached you tentatively, their faces full of emotion. Your eyes widened and you tried again to shrink away. Your mother stopped, not wanting to scare you but desperate to touch you again.

“Y/N? Darling?” She smiled, on the verge of tears. “Welcome home, honey.”

Part 2

Part 3: coming extremely shortly!

“Everything” Tags: @angelsandwinchesters, @grace-for-sale, @growningupgeek, @iamnotsaneatall, @nanie5, @queen-of-moons2025

“Normal Again: Tags: @fandomoniumflurry, @ellen-reincarnated1967, @depressed-moose-78

#supernatural #Supernatural Fan Fiction #supernatural fanfiction #Supernatural fanfic #supernatural fic #sam #Sam Winchester #sam winchester fanfiction #sam winchester angst #Sam Winchester Fanfic #sam winchester x reader #sam x reader #dean winchester #dean #reader #reader insert #supernatural angst #reader angst #y/n #sam x y/n #spn fic #SPN #spn fanfiction #spn angst #buffy the vampire slayer #angst #fanfiction #fanfic #reader fanfiction #reader fanfic

[delayed-release]

so i had my first appointment with the other doctor today and it went really well, i’m really pleased with how things turned out. i talked to the doctor (her name is Bella and that’s adorable) and she was really supportive and understanding, said she’s willing to work with me to help meet my goals (whatever they happen to be), and referred me to a therapist who is experienced with trans clients. she also commended me on how much reading and research i’d done, and said i’d done a lot of their work for them, which was nice.

(the next paragraph has a description of me getting blood work done so skip it if you’re squeamish, i don’t know how to do a readmore link on mobile lol)

then i dealt with the nurse Aldona who was amazing. she had to take like 7 vials of blood for all the tests they wanted done, and honestly it was the most comfortable blood drawing i’ve ever had done. i barely felt the needle when it was in my arm, and it left basically no mark where it went in. also, because i hadn’t had a chance to eat breakfast yet, i got SUPER lightheaded and nauseous, and she took such good care of me. she sat in front of me with her knees against mine so that i wouldn’t faceplant on the floor if i passed out, and when the worst of it was over she went and got me a granola bar and a bottle of water. i think i love her 💕

anyway i’ll be doing a follow-up appointment soon to go over the results of my blood work, and i’d be interested to see where my hormone levels are at. i’m gonna make an appointment with the therapist too, who can hopefully help my wife and i get through this okay. all in all it was a super positive experience and i’m glad to have such a wonderful medical team there for me.

#transition #thoughts #next step: hormones??? #i want to get started on hrt but it probably won’t happen yet

[leaves-of-three]

Pretty Boy || Mouth Surgery

Request: Connor x Reader and the reader having a medical condition involving her mouth and has to go in for surgery and he's comforting her or something.

Author Note: I’m not super sure what kind of medical condition involving a mouth would be so I made it having wisdom teeth removal?? I hope that works!

Tagged: @sertodesire

Warnings: Mentions of blood. 

The nervous energy swirling around your stomach made you feel nauseous. You never had any sort of surgery before. Even if it was considered to be very minor, you were still terrified. Once you had read a horror story of someone going under anesthesia. They were still awake and could feel everything but they weren’t able to move to let anyone know. They had to suffer the pain and couldn’t do anything about it. It might have been an old urban legend but it was still scary. Your leg bounced with anxiety as you sat in the stiff waiting room chair. 

Connor placed a hand over your knee to steady the bouncing, “You’re going to be fine. I had my wisdom teeth out last year. It wasn’t bad.” 

“That’s easy for you to say. You’re fine with pain. I get one splinter and I’m done for the rest of the week,” you pouted and slumped against his side. 

“You’re way too dramatic. It’ll be over before you know it.” He had volunteered to be your ride home. That way your parents wouldn’t have to take time off of work and you’d still be cared for. He wrapped an arm around your shoulder and idly played with the ends of your hair. 

A nurse walked into the waiting room and you both looked up. She called your name and your stomach dropped in fear. Connor must have seen your face pale because he stood up with you. “Can I come in with her until she’s out?” He asked. The nurse nodded. You reached for Connor’s hand as she lead you down a long hallway to the last room. He gave it a reassuring squeeze.  

It was a simple room. A dentist chair was stationed in the middle surrounded by special lights and equipment. You caught a glimpse of the metal, pointed instruments sitting on a tray. Soon they would be cutting into your gums. You started to feel a little lightheaded. “I changed my mind. I have to reschedule. We can do this next month,” you said. You turned to leave. 

Connor kept a tight hold on your hand and pulled you back. He laughed lightly under his breath. “You’re not going anywhere.” You were pulled into his chest and his arms circled around you into a hug. “You won’t even feel anything. You won’t even realize anything has happened. It will be like you’re sleeping. I’ll be right outside the whole time.” 

“If you hear me screaming in agony, I expect you to barge in here and bash some heads in,” you mumbled into the fabric of his shirt. 

He laughed, “I promise.” He pulled back, holding you at arms length. “You are going to be okay. Now get in that chair.” 

“Fine,” you whined. You took a deep breath and sat in the chair. Connor stood by your side while the dentist came in. 

She went over the whole procedure again with you. You were only half listening. It was hard to focus on words when your anxiety got this heightened. The nurse came over and knelt beside you. While she inserted an IV into your arm, you kept your eyes trained on Connor. Needles were the worst. He gave you a smile of encouragement. It was the last thing you remembered. 

-

You were sitting on a comfortable chair. It rocked back and forth when you moved. The room around you was blurry. You had to blink a few times in order for it to focus. A long haired handsome boy appeared in your vision. You smiled at him. 

He gave you an amused look back, “There you are. It’s about time you woke up. I’ve been waiting forever.” 

Nothing he was saying processed in your brain but he was cute so you didn’t mind. “Cooonnoor,” your voice sounded funny to your ears. It felt like your mouth was stuffed with cotton. You brought a hand up to try and remove whatever was invading your mouth. 

A woman put a hand out to stop you. “Careful there, sweetie. You don’t want to take those out yet.”

You narrowed your eyes at her. Who did she think she was telling you what to do? You looked back to Connor with an incredulous look, “This bitch over here thinks she runs the world.”

He snorted and hid a laugh, “I knew I wouldn’t regret volunteering to drive you.” He turned to look at the nurse. “How much longer until I can take her home?”

“Give it five more minutes and then she’ll be ready to go,” she replied. 

“Go where? I have to get my wisdom teeth out, remember?” You looked between the two. Your thoughts were cloudy and sluggish. 

The nurse smiled at you, “You already got them out, hun. It’s all over. You get to go home soon.”

Oh. Okay. You settled back into the seat and closed your eyes. “Lie with me,” you mumbled to Connor. 

“You’re in a chair not a bed but scoot over.” He shooed you to the side of the chair and slid in beside you. It was a tight fit. He pulled your legs over his lap so you could cradle into his side. 

“My mouth feels weird,” you sighed. 

Connor ran his hands through your hair and hummed softly to you, “That would be because there’s wads of gauze stuffed in there. You should probably not talk so much.” 

“Yeah I bet you’d like that.” You let out a yawn and snuggled against him. 

As the next few minutes floated by, you stayed in and out of a daze while the drugs from the surgery wore off. By the time the nurse came back, you were a little more coherent but still a bit groggy. Connor patted your side, “Alright up you get. Time to go home.”

With a groan, you struggled yourself into a standing position. The room began to spin. You had to close your eyes and you swayed slightly on your feet. Connor quickly got up and wrapped a bracing arm around you. You leaned into his side for support. 

After getting a run down from the nurse, Connor helped walk you back out to his car. He sat you down in the passenger side and leaned over you to click your seat belt shut. You slumped against the door window once it was closed. Connor jogged around the front and slipped behind the wheel. “You ready,” he asked. 

You garbled out an incoherent response. A trail of bloody drool dribbled down your chin. Connor made a face of mild disgust and wiped it off with the sleeve of his shirt, “Never mind. Don’t speak. It’s gross.”

Chunks of time disappeared from your memory on the drive home. One second you’d be focused on the road ahead then, you’d blink, and suddenly you’d be three neighborhoods over. Everything felt numb and you were thirsty. The cotton in your mouth was absorbing all moisture. You let out a quiet groan and turned to focus your attention onto Connor. Once he was in your line of sight, you forgot what you were about to start complain about. The sun was beaming on him and illuminating his brown hair. “You’re pretty. Prettiest boy I’ve ever seen,” you mumbled. 

He side glanced at you and chuckled, “You’re weird when you’re high.” 

“No it’s true. So pretty. Prettier than anyone,” you sighed. “I love you, pretty boy.”

“Ew, okay, I’m letting that name slide because you’re doped up. But if you ever call me pretty boy again, I will kill you.” He pulled into your driveway just as he finished the sentence.  

“Pretty boy.” You let out a dull, halfhearted laugh. “Hey look. I’m home. So fast. Like magic.” 

“Or like driving...don’t move. I’m going to help you out.” He turned off the car and got out. 

You awed in disappointment when he left you, “No. Come back.” When he opened your door, you smiled again. “You came back.” 

Connor gave you a confused look as he unbuckled your seat belt. “I don’t remember being this fucked up after my wisdom teeth. Maybe I’m just used to being high.” He was talking more to himself than to you. 

You were too busy stroking your hand across his face, “So soft. So pretty.”

With a heavy sigh, he swatted your hand away and wrapped your arm around his neck before heaving you off of the seat. He carried you in his arms up the front steps. Once he reached the top, he put you back on your feet and got out your house keys. The door opened. 

“My home!” You stumbled forward into the hallway. “I live here!” 

Connor followed behind you, “Take your shoes off. Do you think you manage to change yourself into pajamas while I get you some ice packs?” He hesitated as he thought it over. “No. No, of course you can’t. Okay, change of plans.” He pushed your into a nearby chair, “Sit.” Then he proceeded to take off your shoes for you. 

You sat patiently and watched. You kept mumbling “pretty” under your breath every few seconds as you stared at him. A small smile danced across his lips. He tried to hide it but even under the lasting effects of the drugs, you still managed to catch it. You giggled softly. 

With your shoes now off, he pulled you back onto your feet and helped you to your bedroom. Sitting out on your bed were some sweat pants and a big tshirt that you had laid out this morning for when you got home. You managed to get the pants on yourself but as you were putting on the shirt, your arm hit your mouth, and pain shot through your jaw. You let out a muffled yelp. 

“Careful!” Connor helped you tug down the shirt and gently inspected your mouth. “You made yourself bleed more. It’s probably time to change the gauze anyway. Lie down and I’ll go get the fresh gauze and ice packs.” 

Your bed was warm and cozy. By the time he returned, you had made a little nest out of the blankets and pillows and was curled up inside. He gave you a smile at the sight. 

“Open up,” he instructed. As tenderly as he could, he removed the wads of wet, bloody gauze and replaced them with clean ones. Then he handed you an ice pack. “Put that on your face. I’m going to go throw these away and wash my hands. I’ll be right back.”

You were asleep by the time he returned. 

-

It was dark outside when you woke up. Your head was throbbing with a pulsating headache and your jaw was aching and swollen. The back of your throat burned as well. You tried to lick your dried lips but your tongue felt like sandpaper. You moaned in pain. Someone stirred beside you. They rolled over and flipped on a light. You squinted in the sudden brightness. 

Connor sat up, “You okay?” His eyes were glazed over as if he had just woken up from a sound sleep. Judging from your alarm clock, he probably had. It was just after midnight. 

You opened your mouth to speak. “Water,” was all you were able to croak out. 

He rolled out of the bed and grabbed a water bottle off your desk. He held it up to your lips and carefully poured it into your mouth. Half of it dribbled out your sore lips and down your chin. You felt so disoriented. 

Connor wiped up the water the best he could then took the bottle away, “You should probably change your gauze again. Then take some pain medicine. I��m sure you’re feeling the effects now.” 

You could only nod in response. Talking would hurt. Everything hurt. You got to your feet. For a second, you were wobbly but the dizziness quickly passed. You managed to get yourself to the bathroom and leave Connor sitting on your bed. Looking at yourself in the mirror was a bit of a shock. Your poor face was so swollen. There was dry, crusted blood coating your lips and dribbled down your chin. After using the toilet and washing your hands, you washed your face, then changed to some fresh gauze, and downed the pain medicine the doctor gave you. By the time you got back to your room, you were feeling more human though still in pain. 

Connor had curled up on your side of the bed. He laid on his back and had a pocket notebook in his hand. “Are you feeling better?” He asked. 

You nodded and snuggled by his side, wrapping the blanket over you both. 

“I bought you a notebook,” he handed it over to you with a sharpie. “So you wouldn’t have to talk.” 

You took them and opened to the first page writing, “Smart idea.” 

He smiled, “I know. I’m a genius. How’s the pain?”

You flipped the page and scribbled, “Sucks.” 

“I’d offer to get you high but I don’t think I can handle that. Yesterday was enough for me. The pain meds will kick in soon enough though. Don’t worry.” He tucked you into his side and ran his hands through your hair. He knew it was your favorite. It was a sure way to lull you into relaxation. 

You sighed softly and settled against him. A sneaky smile curved your lips as you remembered something from earlier. You flipped the notebook page again and jotted down a small phrase then encircled it with a big heart. You lifted the page up to show him. 

Connor grabbed the notebook from your hand and tossed it across the room. “I regret giving you that,” he said with a laugh. 

You chuckled to yourself. The notebook landed on the ground. It managed to stay opened onto the message as if to still taunt him from across the room. 

“Pretty boy.”

#connor x reader #connor murphy x reader #connor murphy fic #connor murphy #dear evan hansen #deh fic #deh #requests

[midnight-stiches]

Midnight Stitches

{S} was a 'normal' kid she was born with black hair and skin was as pale as snow her beautiful icy blue eyes seemed to almost have a glow to them. She was tall for her age, are the age of 15 she was already 5'9. Her mom thought she couldn't get any taller. As for her dad, he didn't care. Not as long as she didn't get in his way. {S} grew to be 6'6. Her dad took notice and he told her, "Why can't you be a 'normal' height for a 'FEMALE'? Why do you have to be so freakishly tall?

She was now 18 and Her father had had enough of her and wanted to set it straight. He wanted her gone.

She was just sitting in her room minding her business and he came in knife in hand and told her, "Shall I or will you?" She looked at him confused and as she took notice of his knife she now knew what he meant. His question was plain and simple, should I kill you? Or would you kill yourself? She shook as he stepped closer. "Now, now need to be scared, my little 'princess' dad will read you a bedtime story. Her father smirked. She stood up close to her father's height. "Wrong action sweetie." As she was about to ask why he quickly grabbed her neck. "Now how should it be? Quick and painless? Or slow and miserable?" "Shall I tear you up like a piece of meat? Oh we'll see.

(⚠️!!GORE WARNING!!!⚠️)

He pinned her down and calmly said, "Now we would want any begging now would we?" Her eyes grew as tears began to make their way down her face. He forcefully opened her mouth cut off her tough, blood dripping down and out of her mouth. He closed her mouth swollen and covered in blood. Then he set the knife's blade on her chest. As the blood went through her dress. she began to feel woozy and lightheaded. She looked at him her eyes fading and looking dull. He then he began to cut her feet off. She almost faded from the blood loss. He tapped her forehead and then told her, "Goodnight." Then pushed the blade against her neck.

(Gore ends here!)

A scream was heard after he stood. He turned to see his wife horrified. She had walked in on her husband murdering their only child.

Skip to {S}---

She woke up in a dark room knowing she was dead made her uneasy. She knew her father hated her but she didn't know that much.

She swore to protect whomever came across her and make sure to also make sure they had no problems if they did she'd have to take care of them for her.

Bri was 6, she loved to spend time with those whom she loved. Her family was small her being the only child she quite liked it like that. One day Bri was making sure all the rocks weren't on the porch, and she heard someone or something behind her. Getting a little frightened she stood still processing on what to do.

She finally turned around and say a girl. The girl's mouth had been sewn shut and her hair covering her eyes. She had short messy black hair that faded to a dark gray to a slightly lighter grey. She wore a long dress that went passed her feet. And she had her hand behind her back. Her whole mouth sewn shut into a smile. Not one of those big over the top creepy smiles. It was one that made you look friendly if someone was passing by. Her dress being mostly black with grey looked of a older fashion. And it had a slight turtleneck that only went past to her mid-neck. She was much taller then Bri.

Feeling a bit uneasy by who this stranger was and why she was on her porch. H-hello. Bri said as the uneasy feeling worsened and she began to feel nauseous. W-who, what are you? Bri asked nervously. I'm {S} and I'm her to help you. {S} replied calmly. S-so you aren't h-here to kill me? Bri asked carefully. W-why? You look like I shouldn't trust you. Bri states feeling slightly confused. Shh ,if you question it something might happen to you. {S} says unamused. Bri gives her a confused look.

Skip to 7 years later. {S} was sitting on a chair reading, and Bri comes in {S} looks up from the book and under her bangs raises a brow. What's wrong Bri {S} asks. Then looks back down at the book. A classmate told me to swallow some bleach. Bri told her. And they also told me 'Also to pour it over myself and maybe it'll clean up how I look. Bri said about to cry. It sounded worse in her head then out loud to {S}.

All {S} could think was, Now I know why they usually have a stereotype of girls being overly sensitive. I mean it's not all the time someone tells you to drink bleach or pour it over yourself. Why bleach though?

{S} mentality question humanity. Okay look Bri I'll take care of it okay? {S} told her. Okay. Bri replies. Go to bed it's Ten pm, it's past your bedtime. {S} told her glancing as the clock.

It was Midnight and she told herself, I promised I'd protect whom ever I befriended did I? I just can't believe the first one is this stupid. She found the person's house and went to their bedroom and quickly uncovered her eyes removing the stitchings and opening her blue eyes now faded to more of a grayish blue. And looked down at the kid sleeping. Then took a breath and removed the stitches from her mouth not opening it at all. Then she lightly tapped the kid to see how light of a sleeper they where. She took the sewing kit out and quickly stitched the kids mouth and eyes closed drawing blood from the small holes the needle poked in the skin. When she was done she turned in invisible to where the kid couldn't see her. The kid was waking up. As they sat up they couldn't help but notice how they couldn't open their eyes, or mouth as a matter of fact. She whispered "Shh keep quiet. You'll wake your parents." The kid looking like they where going to pee themselves, and shook in bed. She went back to check on Bri. She was sleeping soundly not knowing what her friend had just done. {S} places her hand on Bri's head patting it slightly. She got the feeling something was going to happen.

It was a Saturday, the sun shining down brightly. Bri, her father and {S} were all in the car, Hey {S} what's your real name? Bri asked her. About to answer but her feeling returned a feeling of dread. She looked out the front window as everything slowed down, she grabbed Bri and put herself in front of Bri holding on as tightly as she could. It wasn't enough though. She opened her eyes her mouth sewn shut again, her eyes weren't. She looked down still holding Bri. Bri terribly beaten from the crash she moved Bri from the car and sat her on the ground. Trying to stop the bleeding she remembered something. She grabbed the needle and quickly stitched all the wounds closed but to no avail. She had died not long after. Her dad was also dead from the crash. The car hit a truck, not a way they'd live from that. She looked from a way to call 911 and called. She sat there holding Bri until the ambulance arrived.

3 weeks after the accident. {S} was hovering over Bri's gravestone. Bri Miami Overington ~January 19th 1978~ to June 6th 1985~ She couldn't think of a way to revenge her. She remembered the question Bri had asked her. Sara, is my name. She told the gravestone as she sat her hand on it. A idea stuck in her mind. A twisted, sick idea. She disappeared to a random house.

It was Midnight. As she whispered to the kid Shh, screaming will only make it worse. She put her hand over the kids mouth to stop any screaming. She sewed the kid's mouth shut. You'll give me a headache, So be quiet. She told the kid. The kid was crying she turned the kid to face her staring as the kid face to face. Her dead, cold eyes staring into the kids scared,bright eyes. She opened her mouth to speak, once she did blood poured out. Making it look like she'd had her mouth filling with blood for hours on end. Skin slightly breaking from her mouth being closed for so long and small amounts of blood coming from the holes under and above her eyes. "You've seen, you've screamed and now your left completely unable to do anything. So hush now, you've given me a headache."

They've said if you hear a click in you room at night, don't move, don't make a sound. She might just leave you alone.... But most importantly, don't look into her eyes....

A/N

Hey! I hope you enjoyed this short story! It's bad I know but I tried to be at least a little scary. I guess you could say I got a little inspiration from Laughing Jack's and Laughing Jill's story. I'm not quite sure though. But any who it did take me a little while to find out how to end this off, but I think I did okay. Oh well who knows.

(For any questions you may or may not have....)

-Is Sara {S}'s real name?... yes.

-Is {S} a ghost?.... Yes.

-Does {S} only go after kids?.... No.

-Is {S} real?.... No, {S} is a fictional character I made up for a scary(ish) story.

-How old is {S} and Bri?.... {S} is 18 years old. And Bri was/is 13.

-What's {S} favorite food?.... Nothing she doesn't eat.

——————————————

Okay if you have any questions I will or will try to answer them! Anyway, bye!

[bizarropurugly]

okay I’m actually back this time, I really am

I’ve been immensely sick from withdrawal, and I know for sure that’s what it is because I was immediately better after I had my medicine

I was so nauseous that it made it hard to do literally anything. After a certain point, even laying down made things worse, particularly any time I would move my head at all, even just to flip over. 

I started throwing up to try to alleviate it. Which is a kinda funny thing, I thought I had gotten over my emetophobia enough to be able to do this but I’ve relapsed HARD on it. So hard that I had to force myself basically every time, and it got to the point that even jabbing a toothbrush into my throat wouldn’t make me upchuck. My body outright adapted and I started to involuntarily relax my throat instead of gagging, which meant I had to get aggressive and unpredictable with the jabbing. Even then, I could only come up with a little. I spent years of my life so strongly resisting puking that my body refused to do it, and I thought I had kind of fixed this but it was not the case.

It kind of helped but a lot of it was temporary and depended on whether the thing I ate was being bothersome. I had a really hard time eating these past 2 weeks and lost nearly 10 lbs over how little I was eating. I drank plenty of fluids but it was still a miserable affair and I was incredibly sensitive to almost everything. I subsisted primarily on water, protein shakes, chicken noodle soup, and tiny baked potatoes. 

The actual sleep study was a miserable, miserable affair. The naps I was supposed to take were scheduled and really shouldn’t have been called naps because I’m given only 35 minutes max for them. And with the nausea on top of my syncope acting up from the stress and from the cabin fever, it was just... miserable. I wasn’t allowed to shower or do anything considered “stimulating”, which meant I mostly watched tv and scribbled a few things.

When I finally got to have my meds again, though, I overdosed and wound up in the ER. I took my full strength dose too soon, basically. I couldn’t breathe and my blood pressure had plummeted so badly that they couldn’t get blood samples out of me for testing. I have several bruises all over my arms from the attempts. It wasn’t that they couldn’t find a vein, but that the blood wouldn’t flow. I was flipped upside down, patted and smacked, and they were considering laying hot water bottles on me because my skin was like ice. In the end they decided to stretch what they had. It didn’t help that I had started violently twitching during the sleep study and kept weakly flopping and kicking from the general discomfort along with the needle-poking.

I got to experience a catheter for the first time. That was fucking miserable and since it doesn’t give you the satisfaction of peeing you still feel like you need to go for a little while. But I didn’t have the strength to sit up on a toilet.

On top of all of that, I’m so severely constipated that I spent the other night in agony because standing up made me want to push and laying or sitting down just hurt. It felt like someone shoved a cactus up my ass and that my innards were filled with sharp rocks or needles. I’ve managed to reduce that pain but I constantly feel the need to push when I go to the bathroom. And now I’m filling the toilet with enough blood that it looks like I made koolaid, but I have no access to a doctor until at least monday, possibly longer. I’m trying not to panic about it.

I did my first day back at work and I ended up leaving an hour early because I was having such a hard time. At one point I went lightheaded simply because of the pain I was in.

#emetophobia ---/// #unsanitary --// #tmi

[heyymonkey2]

First Night Back in Fuuga Chapter 21: Are We on the Same Side?

AO3 Link to Chapter 21

Summary: Yona finds herself in a series of unexpected positions

Sweat slides down Hak’s worked body and his messy dark hair is stuck against his skin as he returns to camp with the warriors in the evening. Light armor shifts in step on his over six feet of height and that deadly glaive rests casually over one shoulder. The Wind warriors look with admiration up at their lord, official or not. Even the Fire soldiers they’d practiced alongside that day have solidified their reverence for this Thunder Beast of many legends. No one was questioning the stories anymore. Not after today.

What a day it had been. All of them getting their asses kicked by this seemingly impenetrable man. All of them better for it by the time the sun fell low in the sky. Though they all questioned Hak’s sanity to work this hard when he’s about to be fighting in the war against Kai himself. Another great warrior might have opted to save his strength. But there was nothing selfish about this man out there. He was focused, intense... already fighting some war. And he only took a breath once, the same time they all did -- when she walked by.

The princess was like a ray of light, her brilliant red mane flowing behind her in the breeze. Princess Yona was always unmistakable. Even today, dressed in a traditional Water Tribe gown, a teasing loose silhouette with a tie just above her bosom. And it was fantasies of that bosom that all the men, regardless of tribe, brought back with them to the tents where they de-armored....

“Which Wind warrior did she wave at? Lucky bastard!”

“Old friends,” Han-Dae embellishes with flushed cheeks.

“Forget old friends, I’ll be her new friend,” a Fire warrior suggests with dirty thoughts clouding his eyes.

“Think she’s a virgin?” now all the Fire warriors are speculating with increasing bravery and lewdness.

“Depends who had her all that time and where they went. That’s all still a mystery, but what’s for sure -- that maidenhead is one valuable piece of ass.”

“Can you imagine one night with her? I’d give a limb. I’m not joking. I would.”

“Don’t let this idiot make a deal with the devil -- he’d end up trading his dick to get a night with the princess.”

All the men are laughing now.

Well, not quite all. As Tae-Woo changes his clothes, his concern rises -- his group can hear this and a certain someone is right there. Hak sets his weapons down with impressive care, his movements rigid, focused, but his face serene. Tae-Woo can tell -- this guy is pissed. And yet, in control of it.

Hak would like to introduce these smartasses to the end of his glaive. If she was here, if she had heard of a word of it, he wouldn’t have been able to control himself. There’s no question -- from the depths of his soul as a man he wants to protect her honor. But he’s endured years of listening to idiot warriors talk about what they’d like to do with her. He understands too well the second a Wind fighter causes a ruckus with the Fire warriors, the day’s unity will be jeopardized -- and he knows she’d rather he be protecting that today than anything else. But that doesn’t mean... a side grin creeps up...

“How dare you!” Tae-Jun is fuming red, incredulous, “To speak of Her Majesty this way,” he’s almost in tears at the thought of these vulgar statements about his precious Yona, “another word and I’ll have you charged for treason!”

The Fire warriors under attack immediately shut the hell up because Tae-Jun is actually an important person. But across the room, other Fire warriors who missed the reprimanding are still at it--

“Think Li Hazara would trade for her? Seems like a good peace move. I’d stall a war to get her as a wife.”

“What kind of countryman are you? You don’t trade your only princess to a barbarian!”

Hak’s eyes narrow as he removes his forearm padding and tries to ignore them.

“Naw, no way. King Soo-Won won’t trade her. He’ll want her for his own heir.”

“Yeah, isn’t she with him right now? He’s probably working on that as we speak. Think about it… it’s right before a war, they’ll probably be married first thing back at Kuuto...”

“Damn, thinking about them right now is giving me a hard on. Think he’s rough with her?”

Tae-Woo puts a calming hand on Hak, whose breathing has visibly quickened, and offers, “If you’re worried, then I can go check on the person you’re worried about...”

Hak keeps it together, in a low growl, “No. It’s safer for that person if we keep our distance. And… I left her with someone I trust.”

Tae-Woo watches Hak leave into the cold night air and thinks… he’ll never be as strong as Lord Hak. He never imagined how deep that man’s ability to suppress and sacrifice can go.

In his tent, Soo-Won moves figurines on a wooden war board, focusing on the strategy ahead. Keishuk sits in a nearby chair watching him, as always, when General Joo-Doh enters in a huff--

“She hasn’t stayed in one place all day!”

Soo-Won smiles faintly, “Remind you of old times?”

“She’s not six years old anymore,” Keishuk snaps.

“Certainly not,” Soo-Won surrenders, then, “Has she been near anyone in particular?”

“Just Lady Lili and that green-haired bodyguard.”

Soo-Won’s eyes flick up over the board to Joo-Doh with a specific concern, “None of the generals?”

“You’re asking about the Thunder Beast, right?”

“I have reason to be particularly curious.”

“No, she hasn’t met with or spoken to him. Just one of the Fire nobles, I forget which. She hugged him... it was almost painful to watch the way he gushed over her.”

Soo-Won raises his eyebrows, then returns to his pieces, “Tae-Jun’s always had an interest in her.”

“Things like that are what I have been warning you about,” Keishuk grumbles.

Soo-Won sighs, “Where is she now?”

“The medic tents.”

Of course she is, Soo-won thinks, “And where has Hak been all day?”

“Training Wind and Fire warriors. I watched him -- he’s everything he’s ever been. It's concerning. The troops look up to him. They follow him--”

“Enough.” Soo-Won cuts Joo-Doh off as he meets eyes with a seething Keishuk. Damnit.

“Where are you going?” Both Joo-Doh and Keishuk are watching Soo-Won head to the door.

As Soo-Won pulls on his cloak, “To get the princess. She’ll stay with me tonight.”

“After your back was slashed at the onsen, I asked to learn how to do this stuff. I was so terrified that night,” Lili is changing a young man’s bandage in the medic tent while Yona supports her and Jae-Ha watches from the perimeter, “I can’t imagine losing someone important because I don’t know a simple skill like this,” she blushes up at Yona.

“You’re being modest, this is hard work,” Yona admits, feeling a little lightheaded as she hands Lili a small bone needle and horse hair for stitches.

As Lili begins closing the wound, she braves a hunch, “Do you do this sort of thing for Hak?”

Hak. Yona is dizzy from the blood smell in the tent mixed with her anxiousness about him. She’s been thinking about him all day. To the point of being overwhelmed by it. Overly-distracted. She’s felt like throwing up for hours and really just wants it to stop.

“No…”

“What are you asking about?” Jae-Ha moves an arm around to steady Yona as he takes over the conversation, “Yona dear hasn’t been together with him in a long time.”

Lili continues working, looking down down at the stitching so she can ask bold questions, “Then what happened… I thought…,” her eyes flit up to Jae-Ha as she considers, then down to Yona who just looks tired. She decides to go for it, “I thought you had feelings for him and seeing you two this afternoon--”

ACHOO! Jae-Ha sneezes flamboyantly and turns to get a glimpse around the room to make note of who could possibly be listening.

“Jae-Ha,” Yona lifts a hand to his cheek to bring his attention back, then quietly comforts, “I think I need to go lay down anyway. Give Lili and I a minute, OK?”

He lifts her into his arms, “Of course.”

Lili watches this, Yona now in this man’s arms, and she wonders why it bothers her so much.

Once they’re back to their tent, Jae-Ha sits Yona on the edge of the bed and agrees to wait outside while the girls change.

“You feel sick, huh?”

“Actually, I think it was the blood. Just being back here resting, I’m starting to feel better already. And I think a distraction would be nice. Talking to you helps me feel better.”

“Here,” Lili helps Yona get her dress off and then pulls hers off, too, before heading to a chest to grab clean sleeping garments, “Also, I have this,” she lifts a lavender essential oil, “it’ll help if you feel nauseous.”

“Wow, it’s been so long since I’ve had access to nice remedies like that. It’s crazy to think I used to use those every day.”

Lili sets the clothes down next to the bed and gestures for Yona to lay down, “I guess you won’t be on the road much anymore. It’ll be like it was before… or will it?”

Yona starts to feel dizzy again, “OK, I would really like that lavender,” and rolls onto her stomach for Lili to rub it onto her back, “Today, being here… it’s all a lot harder than I expected.”

“Really? I would have thought it’d be easier,” Lili pulls Yona’s undergarments down to expose her naked back so she can massage the oil on, “I really missed you while you were traveling. Never knowing where you were or if you were OK.”

“I missed you, too,” having the oil pressed into her back feels incredible. She hasn’t been massaged like this in so long, she could fall asleep right now, “Mmmm…”

“Be honest with me… why do you keep saying you’re separated from Hak?”

“I guess... I wanted something else,” Yona lies.

Yona lifts up on her elbows to look at Lili, then suddenly feels nauseous again. Lili sees, “Just lay back down, don’t push yourself,” Yona rolls onto her back as she catches her breath, an arm over her chest to cover her nipples. Lili’s eyes notice the exposed bits of her curves, her waist, her bellybutton. Yona is pale and beautiful. Delicate and womanly. Tense.

“Relax,” Lili crawls on top of Yona, straddling her, and puts her oil-covered hands on both sides of her waist. She begins caressing up and down her sides to create warmth, “Something really has you stressed. ...is it the king?”

Yona’s breathing quickens as a clear answer.

“Shhh…,” Lili tries to calm her, “It’s OK. Please relax.”

As Lili’s hands move up and down Yona’s sides, it’s a strange sensation for Yona. It feels wonderful. This gloriously-scented physical contact and comfort from a close friend. And Lili’s soothing words are putting her in a zen state, too. But there’s something about how Lili’s hands move closer and closer to her breasts that tighten something in her core. Like it’s forbidden but Lili is getting closer and closer to that forbidden thing... but Yona isn't sure. It feels good though.

Lili moves Yona’s arm down to her side, now both of her breasts openly exposed, and Yona's ring necklace resting delicately between them. As Yona worries about this being exposed...

Lili starts to massage again -- delicately, carefully, finding herself entranced by Yona. This feels good. She's beautiful. Maybe this feeling she's had these past few days... weeks... maybe Yona parting from Hak... possibly? She sees Yona's eyes searching hers for something... should she?

Lili leans froward and kisses Yona on the lips. Whoa. Yona has a moment of shock, then feels Lili's hands suddenly over her breasts. Wait, what? Yona begins to pull away and wiggle beneath her--

“Ha--” Yona swallows his name before she can finish it as an explanation -- she's supposed to be hiding her relationship with him. Lili pulls back, watching Yona...

“Yona?”

“No... I'm sorry... I didn't mean for...” this entire experience has been out of nowhere and Hak is the only person she wants to touch her this way. Even though she may have just accidentally led Lili down a path to think very different than that.

Lili quickly moves her hands, then closes her eyes, realizing she was stupidly forward just now, caught up in her own lust -- a terribly embarrassing mistake. She opens her eyes to see Yona, an arm back across her chest and as red as a tulip. Lili whips around to see both Jae-Ha and Soo-Won standing frozen with the cloth tent flap open, a mix of surprise and confusion on their faces. And who are we fooling -- a little intrigue on Jae-Ha’s, as well.

Jae-Ha yanks Soo-Won back outside, a little shocked but still playing along with it, “As I said, the ladies need a moment.”

Soo-Won silently nods, then stands facing away from the tent, wide-eyed and collecting his thoughts about what he just witnessed.

A few moments later, Yona stumbles outside in her night garments, “...Your Majesty?”

Jae-Ha smiles softly at her in encouragement. His sweet, innocent, Dear. How scandalous.

Yona and Soo-Won stand across from one another trying desperately to be serious, but the air has suddenly changed.

Lili pops out of the tent. Both the men turn in unison, “No. Go back inside.”

Lili looks at Yona to get a read.

“It’s OK, Lili.”

Lili nods and heads back into the tent while side-eyeing both of the guys.

Soo-Won is off-balance but, “I’d like you to come with me. Just you.”

Yona is also kinda out of it still. Did he just...? Oh no. Her breathing becomes labored. The moment she feared is now?

“I can’t allow that,” Jae-Ha is firm.

“My understanding is that only she can allow or not allow... when it comes to you,” Soo-Won states matter-of-factly.

There are few times light-hearted Jae-Ha has ever been truly pissed. This is one of them.

Yona clutches onto Jae-Ha's arm as she stands defiant against Soo-Won’s request, “Where I go, he goes.”

Soo-Won looks at where she clings onto him, then gives the parting blow, “I’d like to discuss Kai. However, I am only willing to discuss it with you. Alone.”

“No,” Jae-Ha is adamant.

No. Yona can hear Hak’s voice in her head, begging her not to go. As a husband, commanding her not to. And yet… this is the entire reason they all are here. This one thing. She knows she won't be able to negotiate out here -- this is her chance, possibly the only one. So she closes her eyes in a prayer, Forgive me, Hak, then opens them to look up at Jae-Ha in apology, “I need you to stay, Jae-Ha.”

Jae-Ha’s face morphs into such a sadness as the dragon’s blood irons him to obey. He didn’t know that he’d ever want to act against her will… and not be able to.

Yona sees what she’s done and it cuts something deep inside her. Her Jae-Ha. Her promise. His. She takes his hands in hers, not caring if Soo-Won is right there, and yanks Jae-Ha down so she can wrap her arms around his neck and kiss his cheek, trying to relieve some tension in his agonized forehead, “Please forgive me one day."

Soo-Won who has been facing away from the display, turns back when she’s at his side. He begins walking and she follows.

All the while as they walk, Soo-Won is off-balance questioning everything he’s come to think about this girl. Polyamorous? No...

Finally they reach Soo-Won's tents. As Soo-Won has Yona enter, General Joo-Doh stops him at the door with an update… “Arrangements have been made with the other generals. We’ll meet in the morning to finalize strategy.”

It’s just the two men outside and General Joo-Doh is both surprised and impressed at having just seen the princess enter.

Soo-Won waits for something more.

General Joo-Doh knows what the king is interested in… “He’ll be there, too.”

In the tent, Yona stands facing Soo-Won's bed, heart racing and head in a fog, truly wondering what she's just gotten herself into.

#akatsuki no yona #hak x yona #fanfic #first night back in fuuga #hakona

[bts-dontknowher]

Wishin’ That I Was Yours - Chapter 2

That’s a long title oh well!

Jimin x Reader & Taehyung x Reader ?

Word Count: 2,165

Genre: Fluff, Angst

Jimin’s arms were loose around me when I woke up, the blackout curtains over his windows, making it seem like it was still night. He has a clock that projects the time on the ceiling, so I know it’s 10:34, even though it feels like 4. Jimin: Good morning. I looked at him and he was just lying there, staring at me with a smile on his lips that didn’t reach his sad eyes. Me: No hangover? Jimin: I woke up around 8 and took some medicine. Did I…come onto you last night? I nodded slowly and he sighed, drawing circles on my hip where his hand rested. Jimin: I’m sorry. I wasn’t in my right mind. Me: Trust me, I know. His lip quivered a little and he closed his eyes, letting out a shaky breath. Jimin: Cali, she…she was ch… My eyes widened to the size of watermelons and he sighed again, clearing his throat. Jimin: S-She was cheating on me, for almost 6 months now. And, and when she finally confessed, she blamed me. She said I didn’t treat her right and I was mean and abusive and she needed someone nicer. Me: You? Abusive? He looked at me and nodded, looking as baffled as I felt. Jimin: I don’t know what she was on about but…but she left me. I give a girl 6 years and she just- His voice broke and he started crying, hiding his face in my neck once again. I willed away the need to cry with him and played with his hair, giving him time to calm down again. Jimin: She was saying how much better he is… How he buys her more things and takes her on cute dates and how he-he fucks her better. Me: Jimin- Jimin: It hurts… My chest feels like someone is pushing down so hard with a billion needles. He backed up and blinked a couple more tears down his cheeks. I wiped them away quickly and he frowned, looking down. Jimin: Thank you. Me: For what? Jimin: Always being here for me, you’re an amazing friend. I flinched at the word friend but nodded still. His eyes met mine again and he looked confused, but didn’t ask. Me: Have you eaten anything? Jimin: No, I was waiting for you. Me: Well, I want to shower but pancakes sound amazing. Jimin: I’ll make some. He got up and went downstairs so I ran to the bathroom, stripping and getting in the shower. I cried, shamelessly, feeling his pain strongly, but honestly mine is worse. This boy…I’ve been in love with him for almost 15 years and this is the shit that happens. He picks some other girl over me, who’s been right in front of him, and then she goes and destroys him! I sighed and washed my face to make it seem unanimously red and irritated.

I got out and put on some clothes I’d left here from times before then went downstairs and watched him cooking. Tae: Hey. I looked at him as he walked past me and sat at the bar. Me: Tae. Tae: What’s up? Where’d you go last night? Jimin: She was with me. I needed her. Tae: Huh. Jimin put plates of pancakes, bacon, and eggs on top of the little bar part of the counter and shot a look at Taehyung. Jimin: Why? Did you need somewhere to put your dick? I looked at Jimin and I knew I looked crazy, but where the fuck did that come from? He glanced at me and he looked angry?? Me: Where did that come from? Jimin: I just put it together. How long have you two been…doing that? Me: A while. Jimin: Oh. I guess that explains why you don’t want to come over as much this year. I thought it was me. IT IS YOU. I shrugged and he did, too, going to clean up the dishes. I looked at Tae and he looked confused as ever, staring back at me. I mouthed “what was that?” and he just shrugged, eating a piece of bacon. JK: Good morning all! Chels: You’re too happy in the morning. She laughed softly but stopped short, looking at all of us. Chels: And way too happy for this crowd. Jimin: Did you know they were hooking up? JK: Uh, I found out yesterday, why? Jimin shrugged and kept focused on the dishes. JK: Okay? He looked at me and I threw my hands up in a shrug. Jimin slammed a pan down and left the kitchen, all of us watching him go. Me: Jimin. Hey, wait. I sighed and ran after him, stopping as his bedroom door slammed in my face. He opened it again after a few seconds and shoved my bathing suit and shirt at me. Jimin: Here. Me: Wait. I tried to stop the door but ended up failing. He closed the door hard and it slammed into my toe, a scream ripping from my throat as I fell to the ground. I grabbed it and blood dripped onto the carpet, making me nauseous and lightheaded. His door flew open again and he was down at my level, freaking out. Jimin: Oh fuck, I’m so sorry. I-I didn’t mean to. Me: It’s okay. It doesn’t hurt that bad, j-just the b-blood. He grabbed my shirt off the ground and pressed it to my toe, making me whimper. Me: Ow… JK: What happened? Are you okay? Why’d you scream? Jimin: I accidently closed the door on her toe. Tae: Accidentally hurting her all the time. I looked up at Taehyung and felt my face heating up, not from embarrassment but anger. Jimin: What? Tae: Nothing. He walked off, mumbling to himself and I whimpered when he applied more pressure. Me: J-Jimin, that hurts. Jimin: We have to stop the bleeding, you’ll survive. Can you get the first aid kit under the skin in my bathroom, Chelsea? She ran in past him and I laid on my back, covering my eyes with my forearm and breathing slowly. I hate blood. I felt him cleaning and wrapping my big toe and then he sighed, kissing my knee. Jimin: I’m sorry I hurt you. Me: Yeah, I know. I sat up and sighed, staring at my neatly wrapped toe. Me: Thank you. He and Jungkook helped me stand and I brushed them off. Me: Really, I’m fine. It doesn’t hurt. JK: Well, we’re going out so we’ll see you two later. Me: Yeah. I hope not. He rolled his eyes and they walked off to his room. Me: I’m going home- Jimin: No, please. I can’t… Y/N, I don’t know what I’m doing. I’ve been with her for so long it was my normal. Me: So, you get the sad out. You cry in the shower, cry yourself to sleep, and then you find the good things you still have and you use them to keep you happy and you build yourself back up. Jimin: You make me happy. Me: I can’t help you, Jimin. You keep coming onto me and it’s… I sighed and shook my head, looking down. Jimin: I’m sorry. I’m trying to get back at her. I know it won’t hurt her, but in my head, it’ll fix something. Me: It won’t. Revenge sex, distraction sex, it’s not good. I know I need to stop. Jimin: What? Me: Nothing. Jimin: You’re having sex for those reasons? With Taehyung? Me: No. Jimin, I’m going home, okay? Jimin: No. He grabbed my wrist and I stared at his hand. Jimin: What’s wrong? You’ve been different for a while now. Me: You notice that? Jimin: Of course, I do. You’re my best friend. I nodded slowly and shrugged. Me: I’ve just been dealing with a fit of depression. I’m getting past it, though. Seeing you crying did not help, however. He smiled and it finally reached his eyes. Jimin: This is why I need you around. You make me feel so much better, no matter the situation. I sighed and nodded, watching his hand slip from around my arm. Me: I’m glad I can help, but I want to go. Jimin: Fine, but later I want to do something. Me: Do what? Jimin: I’m not sure yet, but I need it to be with you. I miss you. I know that I haven’t- Me: Later. I leaned up and kissed his cheek gently then turned and gathered my composure, leaving as casually as I could. – It’s been exactly 14 days since Jimin tried to apologize for putting his girlfriend first. And it’s been exactly 13 days since I realized that he only noticed because she broke his heart and that he only realized he was hurting me after she was gone. Had this horrible event not happened, he never would’ve noticed. That hurt me more than you’d think.

(2:33) Jimin: You’ve avoided me for two weeks. I’ve tried to do what you said, I’ve stopped crying, but I genuinely can’t handle this anymore… (2:36) Jimin: You opened it. You’re ignoring me. (2:36) Jimin: I started cutting a couple days ago, and I see now why you did it. (2:37) Y/N: Park Jimin. What the hell is wrong with you? (2:37) Y/N: Cutting is no fucking joke. Don’t you dare ever do that again. Do you understand me? (2:39) Jimin: Where have you been? Chelsea says you’ve barely left your room. (2:39) Y/N: DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME? (2:40) Jimin: I’m in pain… It makes me feel better. (2:40) Jimin: Since for some god forsaken reason you don’t want to even speak to me. (2:43) Jimin: I’ll stop. I only did it twice. (2:45) Y/N: You’ll ruin your perfect skin, Jimin. (2:46) Jimin: Won’t happen again.

I put my phone down and went back to staring at the wall like I had been for the past two weeks. It’s depressing, I know, but I’m just…I’m so depressed. I can’t snap out of it. It’s eating at me. He’s eating at me. I want to be with him so badly but he doesn’t see it. I’m not going to sit here and pretend I can handle it when I can’t.

(2:52) Jimin: I had a dream about Cali last night. (2:56) Jimin: She came over to apologize and we ended up having sex. But like halfway through, her eyes started glowing red and then her tongue was super long and she had claws. She started scratching me all over and drinking my blood all while staring down into my eyes and smirking. I think my dick retreated back into my body.

My eyes ran over the message and I smiled slightly at the last sentence. He’s so childish sometimes. Surprisingly, I’ve never really thought about what sex with him would really be like. I knew it was never an option, so why make myself go through that? I can imagine him being so vanilla but so sweet and really wanting the girl to get off. Also, I bet he really likes praises and being told what to do. Taehyung is very dominant. He’s aggressive, but he’s so…loving at the same time. He’ll be incredibly rough, pulling my hair and spanking me, and then he’ll stop when I get quiet to ensure I’m okay. Like yeah, I’m fine, I just can’t even make sounds to describe how good it is. I was giggling to myself until my phone went off again. I opened the message and my mouth dropped open.

(3:02) Jimin: You didn’t think that was funny? I did. (3:04) Jimin: *image* (3:04) Jimin: Oh god…that wasn’t for you.

My mouth dropped open and I felt my blood boiling with rage as I left my messages and went to my recent calls. I pressed Taehyung’s name and he answered after the fourth ring. Tae: Huh? Me: Come over. Tae: Ugh, it’s 3 in the morning. Me: You can come all over my face. Tae: Ah. I heard shuffling and then a door closed. Tae: 10 minutes. I hung up and groaned loudly, why would Jimin send me a picture of his dick?!

(3:07) Jimin: Y/N I’m really sorry. (3:08) Y/N: Nah, no need to be sorry. Simple mistake. (3:09) Jimin: I know you said distraction sex is bad…It’s just sexting. (3:09) Y/N: I don’t want to know, Jimin. (3:10) Jimin: …

I put my phone on the charger and put it on silent, taking my clothes off and closing my eyes as I got comfortable. He has a key, I don’t have to get up. I was almost asleep when I felt the bed dip and lips trailed up my leg. Tae: You tired? Me: It is really late. Tae: Yeah, you woke me up, so you better wake up. He slapped my thigh and I bit my lip, looking down at him as he kissed up my stomach slowly. Me: I’m up. Tae: Me, too. I caught the innuendo and grinned, pulling him up to my lips. Maybe one day I can take my own advice.

*shrugs*

-Churro

#jimin #park jimin #bts jimin #bts park jimin #taehyung #kim taehyung #bts taehyung #bts kim taehyung #bts v #bangtan

[mylifemydiary]

Adventures in testing.

So I have been known in the past to not be a good blood-giver.  It’s not that I am afraid of needles, because I’m not.  I can receive shots or get tattoos all day long, no problem.  But something about getting my blood drawn makes me weak.  It makes me lightheaded and want to pass out.  I have almost passed out before.  I have had smelling salts used on me before.  Honestly, if they can get in and get the blood and get out, I am fine.  As long as I am distracted and talking about something, and not looking at the blood being drawn, it’s all good.  But when they start fishing around for a vein or start taking a long time and really drawing it out, I can feel myself start to slip down into a black hole that I can’t pull myself back out of.  It starts with a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach, then I get sweaty and start breathing erratically, then I hear people’s voices like they are miles away, like I’m in a bubble, and finally I start seeing lights and dots everywhere.  I imagine this is what people see and feel before they lose consciousness.  

The point of explaining all that is to tell you what happened this morning.  I did the dreaded glucose test last Friday, and really, the stuff wasn’t that bad.  It just tasted like a sprite with a ton of sugar in it.  I went in and had my blood drawn an hour later, and everything was fine.  Then Monday I get a call that the test came back high, and I would have to do the much longer 3 hour glucose test.  This test consists of fasting, having my blood drawn first thing, then drinking the glucose solution again, then an hour later having  my blood drawn again, and then again, and then again each hour after until 3 hours had gone by.  Four needle sticks.  FOUR in 3 hours, while not having eaten all morning.  These days by 8:00 I’ve had a Starbucks drink and a breakfast sandwich AT LEAST.  Ok.  Fine, it has to be done.  So I psych myself up and in we go this morning.  My beautiful gorgeous human being of a husband took time off of work to go with me and to be my driver in case I feel weak, he holds my hand and makes silly small talk and pinches my face while the blood is being drawn, and I love him for it.  We get there, get the first blood draw from my right arm, and drink the stuff.  So far, so good.  She tells me, if we don’t come get you in an hour, let somebody know because we don’t want to miss it.  Gotcha.  I set my phone timer, and 2 minutes before go time I go and tell the receptionist it’s my time.   My right arm has been burning from the first poke but nothing unbearable.  I try to ignore it.  A few minutes later they call me back again.  This time, we try the left arm.  She seems to have a hard time locating a good vein.  Then I feel the poke and I’m still doing good.  I’m looking at my husband’s face and he seems to be concerned with what she’s doing.  I feel her moving around a lot, jabbing and taking her sweet time it feels like.  After what feels like an eternity she tells me ‘you aren’t going to want to hear this, but nothing is coming out.’   She leaves the room to go get something, what I’m not sure, I’m imagining a thinner needle, or some miraculous device that will make this whole process easier.  She doesn’t come back.  She sends another nurse in, who starts setting up.  ‘Did she try the right arm again?’  No, just the left I say.  So she tries the left, too.  She can’t feel a vein.  We are going to have to try the first arm again.  By this time, I’m starting to not feel so hot.  I’m starting to sweat and be uncomfortable.  By the time she’s about to poke my right arm again I have to stop.  I’m seeing dots.  I’m nauseous and want to leave my body.  ‘Well it’s been too long now, we’ll just have to reschedule.’   WTF.  So now, I get to try again in about 10 days and go through this whole ordeal once again.  I didn’t even make it to the second blood draw out of four.  And now this will weigh on my mind until then.  I dreaded this appointment, and it turned out how I feared.  Now I get to go through it all over next Friday.  

I cried.  I am frustrated at the whole situation.  Disappointed that it wasn’t over with today.  Humiliated that I couldn’t handle a simple series of blood draws.  Angry at my body and mind for betraying me.  Furious with the nurses for being so terrible at drawing my blood.  Terrified of having a repeat show next Friday.