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remedyturtles · 1 month

Note

Basically the whole reason I wanted to point out your language was so I could point out two things:

1. your strategic love of periods

You use periods. A lot. And usually, in the best of ways. I LOVE reading your work because of how you use excessive periods well. For example, I’m looking at Firefight right now, and here’s a line from it.

“Donnie leaned back, breathing slow and even, trying to calm his racehorse of a heart. It was beginning to painfully assault his ribcage. He knew Leo had a plan. He always had a plan. Just give him a minute. Just wait.” Genius. Amazing. I could praise your writing for days, because the use of the periods are just perfect for conveying the hysterical desperation of the situation, the pain, the fear. Just wait for Leo, just wait for him, just wait and it’ll be better.

You could’ve written it like: “Donnie leaned back, breathing slow and even to slow his racehorse of a heart, which was painfully assaulting his ribcage. He knew Leo had a plan, he had to, he just had to give him a minute, he just had to wait.” And it wouldn’t have been as alive as you made it seem with all the periods and the language. You use periods where there shouldn’t be, and it’s perfect.

2. How you describe verbs.

I’m not entirely sure how to describe how you do this, but if it were a mathematical formula of any kind, it would be put as: “All” + (adjective + noun)

An example I made up: Leo collapsed on top of the pile, all uncoordinated limbs and heaving lungs.

From Firefight: “Leo’s eyes flickering in circles all around them, not stilling for a moment. They were so exposed out here. All yawning stars and space.”

This really reminds me of that line from. “On Turning 10” by Billy Collins, in the line “And my bicycle never leaned against the garage as it does today, all the dark blue speed drained out of it” which I think could be described as treating a characteristic like a noun. I love it when you do that.

Those were the main points that I noticed, but I have some other ones too

3. Your lack of connecting words.

I’ve still got Firefight in front of me right now, so here’s an example: “He was staring straight ahead in cold terror, sweat down his brow, pupils tiny.”

It’s just a cold, hard statement. There’s no possessive noun, it just is its own separate thing, while still being ‘his’. There’s no possessive noun, and there’s no motion, there’s just “down”, showing off how frozen the moment is, how you can’t move, you can’t breathe. He’s right there, right there, right there, breathing is too risky, I must. Stay. Frozen. He’ll find me, I’m so scared, don’t move a muscle, don’t sweat too loud.

You could’ve written it “He was staring straight ahead in cold terror, there was sweat dripping down his brow, and his pupils were tiny.”

I’m not even sure I described it right, but there’s just something about this. THIS, that just. Itches my brain.

And there’s another point with your excessive use of periods.

4. “Just. Itches my brain.”

I know this is technically a punctuation error, but it’s BEAUTIFUL. To be grammatically correct, it should’ve been, “Just… itches my brain” but the way you write it makes it so much more alive. There is an audible pause, no trailing off, just a hard . No question about it. It puts kind of a tone in the character’s voice that I absolutely LOVE. Then again, I love everything you write, haha

5. It was

Describing a void. Love it when you do that.

Again, looking at Firefight: “But it was flip-flopping all anxious and disoriented. He was still panicking. It was cold sweat broken out all over.” That last line is what I’m talking about specifically, you’re describing a feeling, or a void, with “it was [enter symbol or described noun]”

6. Gerunds

“‘Explain then.’ Donnie requested, gulping down air. Not throwing up. Leo holding onto him. [F] his ribs hurt.” This is kind of an example of your use of periods, too, and it’s also kind of a different version of your use of. “It was”, because you’re using a gerund to fill the space, describe what’s happening like the readers are there with the characters.

And this is also a little bit of constructive criticism I’ve wanted to share with you since I started reading your work, but I’ve learned that when you’re finishing a dialogue piece like in the above example, you’re likely not going to want to put a period at the end of the dialogue, unless you’re ending the sentence. The line above should’ve been: “‘Explain then,’ Donnie requested, gulping down air,” because “explain then” isn’t actually the end of the sentence, it’s just a part of the sentence. If you tried to read it aloud, the period would be an abrupt disruption. I’m not sure how to explain this rule but the best way I can think of it is to say, if you could take the quotation marks away and let it stand as its own sentence, then you’re good to put a period. But, if you take away the quotation marks and the line can’t stand on its own, then you need a comma. Unless it’s a question or an exclamation.

For example: Explain then. Donnie requested, gulping down air = does not work

Explain then, Donnie requested, gulping down air. = does work (ignoring how the second comma makes it sound weird. The quotation marks will make that up for you)

Or, for another example from the next line: Gotta breathe slower, dude. Leo told him. Vs. Gotta breathe slower, dude, Leo told him. (Again, the quotation marks make up for the weird comma)

If you wanted to implement another part of your writing quirk to make up for the periods, you could do that too. You could say, using the first example, “‘Explain then.’ Donnie was gulping down air. Not throwing up.

7. They’re teenagers

This isn’t really a quirk, but the way you write the guys just—UGH it’s awesome! They’re brothers, they’re teenagers. I’m not sure how you do it, but you portray their relationships with each other so perfectly, with how they treat each other in casual situations, with how they act in casual situations. Like, in Little Kid with a Big Death Wish. Snapchat! I didn’t even think of them being into social media like that until you said it! How it’s a regular part of their lives, how you were able to use it as a symbol. The streaks, starting over, a broken connection, I love it.

8. It’s 3 AM

This is something I REALLY admire, the most out of all the things I’ve told you about throughout this absurdly long ask. I love the reoccurring motifs, the symbolism of 3AM. It kind of feels like an inside joke that only you and I and a hundred thousand other readers know about. A secret between the character and the readers. The symbolism of 3AM was set from the very beginning, and it just kills me in the best of ways every single time I see it.

9. Repetitive language

My examples from Little Kid with a Big Death Wish and Firefight:

The last two steps of the tightrope. It’s an obscure little thing that no one would think twice about. Until you used it again, with more meaning. First time I read about the tightrope, and said, “Okay, whatever. Existential dread.” And then at the end of the chapter, you used it again, with FAR more weight and pain added to it. The terror of death, the expectation of it, the inexplicable emotion that Leo was feeling, conveyed in less than 10 words in a way that I can’t even describe accurately. But you did, you used something completely unrelated and conveyed the exact, indescribably emotion you wanted to.

Breathe deep, from the bottom of your lungs. It was only used a couple times, but it’s still meaningful, for no reason at all. The repetition of the phrase just… does things to me. I love it so much, and I don’t even know how to describe the emotion.

Words written in blood on a tomb wall. Again, feelings I can’t describe, but every time you use this, it just gives me a feeling of pained dread, of inevitable doom, just slowly crawling towards the end and absolutely terrified with it.

Pot of water. Again. Feelings. It makes the rift between Leo and Donnie painfully palpable, and it actually makes me wonder how the aftermath of the Prison Dimension will be shaped BECAUSE of this. Will there be a rift between them, even with Donnie’s crushing separation anxiety?

10. “With it”

You use this phrase a lot, actually. Usually, it’s used with an action, and the unspoken ‘it’s just makes it better every single time you use the phrase. Like: “Leo smiled, lip wobbling a little with it.” But what’s ‘it’? Good question, it’s up to you, but with context, it perfectly describes the emotion that might not have a word for it. ‘It’ is a filler for the word that would describe the emotion.

11. Illness descriptions.

Again, this isn’t a quirk, but I love how perfectly you describe the feeling of illness, dissociation, anorexia, pain, etc. I’ve experienced all of this myself, and I cannot tell you how accurately you described all of it, that feeling of separation from your body, the extreme pain that’s so strong it’s just forgotten, the lack of hunger, the struggle of trying to eat. All of it is so amazing. I couldn’t have described it so amazingly as you did even if I tried. I think I’ve told you how incredible it is before in the comments, but I’ll say it as many times and I can, because it’s true. It just feels like you know exactly what you’re talking about, and exactly how to write the characters and convey how the characters are feeling.

That’s all I have so far. I’ve been practically studying your writings because I love your voice to an unreal degree, so call me a stalker, but you’re just so cool to me. Sorry for the absurdly long ask, but there’s a lot I wanted to say. Obviously, lol.

Actually, when you reblogged that anon ask about sharing the ao3 bookmark with the least notes, or whatever it was, and you said “I got a jump scare”, I saw that post and didn’t really read a lot of it until I opened the work myself. The writing style was immediately familiar, and then I saw the end notes, and that just solidified my theory. Then I looked at your tags in that reblog and said aloud, “Called it.”

Thank you for bearing with me. I’m so sorry lol

oh my god this is so long DUDE I WAS NOT EXPECTING THIS MUCH DETAIL OK OK

i'll address the constructive comment first: many, many people have tried to teach me how to properly do dialogue punctuation. i learnt wrong a long time ago and my brain REFUSES to learn the right way so i've just accepted it. hopefully it's not too annoying LMAO

i am fascinated, thank you. i thought of my own contribution while reading this, which is that i LOVE to use the 'something about xyz' construction. eg from firefight "Something about how Donnie's throat felt about ten times smaller, and the flicker as his purple lights faded, standing next to their stupid little nest."

i have a lot of influence from poetry. fucking love poetry. oh and i've always felt that my descriptions of the connection bt emotions and physical sensations is bc i'm autistic and i spend a lot of my time going OK WHAT'S GOING ON IN HERE at my body

i don't really know what to say other than, YEAH. that's all pretty correct. it's like that thing abt how 'if artists get to have an art style then i get to have a writing style' LMAO ... i'm just glad my silly little repetitive things are fun to read, i guess? hahahaha

#rem askbox #long post #sorry if there was a way to put a read more in i would LMAO #and yes i did write that fic lmao

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marie-swriting · 6 months

Text

Confession Of Love - Jake "Hangman" Seresin [1/2]

Masterlist

Speak Now TV Masterlist

Part two

Part one - two (French version)

Summary : You've been seeing Jake for four months but you're still not officially dating. It's going to happen soon, though, right ?

Warnings : Jake is an asshole (it's not against him, I love him, I swear), angst, cheating, alcohol consumption (be careful with your alcohol consumption), maybe some grammatical mistakes as English is not my first language, tell me if you see some or if I missed any warnings.

Word count : 4.7k

Song inspiration : Foolish One (Taylor's Version) (From The Vault) by Taylor Swift

you take the new arrival of books in the box next to you and put them in the correct shelves. You pay attention to place them in alphabetical order and sometimes, you take a look at the back cover, adding then a new book to your - long - to be read list. You set the last book of a saga in its place when a masculine voice comes behind you.

“Sorry, would you have a book on how to apologise after cancelling a date last minute ?”

“Jake !” you exclaim, taking him in your arms. “What are you doing here ?”

“I felt bad about yesterday. Those are for you.” he says, breaking the embrace and handing you a big bunch of red roses.

“Oh, thank you ! They’re beautiful.” you smile, pecking his lips, “But I already told you it was okay. You were tired because of your day at work, I get it. We can always plan something another time, like tonight for example. My shift ends at 6:30 P.M, you can come pick me up at seven.”

Hope can be heard in your voice on top of nervosity. Jake and you can’t see each other frequently because of his job as a naval aviator and he’s also often hanging out with his friends. You’re aware it’s normal for Jake and you to not spend every single day together though, two or three times a week would be a good start you think.

You look at him, waiting for his answer impatiently but as soon as you hear him sigh, you guess his answer. Even if you expected it, you can’t help but feel disappointed.

“The problem is I already told my colleague I would spend the night with them.”

“It’s okay. You can send me a text when you’re free.” you affirm, forcing a little smile.

“Perfect. I’m not gonna bother you much longer. See you.” he says and kisses you.

You lovingly watch Jake leaving. Once he’s not in your line of sight anymore, you smell the roses and your disappointment leaves your body to let affection take over. It doesn’t matter if he wasn’t able to have some free time for you that night, he always makes sure to make it up to you like today. You stay in your bubble and walk in the direction of the backshop to put the flowers down. You find a container to put your roses in when your colleague Cora blows your bubble.

“Who gifted you those roses ?”

“Jake. They’re pretty, aren’t they ?”

“Wow, he must feel ashamed about a lot of things.” she comments, gazing at the flowers while you put them in the makeshift vase.

“Not at all. Why do you say that ?”

“Like they always say, the bigger the bouquet, the bigger the guilt.”

“No one says that.” you state, frowning.

“He cancelled again, didn’t he ?” she says, her question sounding more like an affirmation.

“He has a good reason.”

“I bet he does ! I don’t understand how you can still be with him. If my boyfriend was always cancelling dates, I-”

“He’s not my boyfriend.” you interrupt her, avoiding her gaze.

“What do you mean ?”

“We’re not really dating.” you inform and she gives you a look so you quickly add : “We’re taking things slow. Jake can be on a deployment any day so we don’t want too many strings attached.”

“Wait, you’re telling me you’ve been with a guy for more than four months, you go on dates, you kiss, you sleep at each other’s house but you’re not official ? He’s worse than I thought. I mean, Y/N, don’t forget about his reputation ! Jake doesn’t do serious relationship. And just to prove it to you, has he finally presented you to his friends ?” Cora asks and you stay silent. “That’s what I thought. Why are you still with him ? He’s going to break your heart just like Logan.”

“He’s different !” you say, angry by her words and the mention of your ex. “Look, you don’t know him and you know nothing about my relationship with Jake so stop giving me unsolicited advice. I’ve learned from my mistakes, I know what I’m doing.”

On that note, you pass by your colleague and go back to your work. While you keep reorganising the books, you can’t prevent yourself from thinking back to your conversation with Cora. You know she didn’t mean any harm but you’re annoyed by the way she thinks you’re too foolish to know how to handle your love life on your own. You’ve known men… stupid ones, to stay politically correct, however you know better now and Jake has proven to you he’s different from your exes. It’s not because he cancels a lot of dates that he’s a bad guy. He is a nice guy. You’re sure of it.

At the end of the day, you take back your roses and bid Cora goodbye without adding anything else, still pissed off by her words. Upon arriving at your place, you put the roses in a real vase and set it on your dinner table.

That night, you spend it alone eating, watching Pride And Prejudice. As you’re watching it, you can’t help but melt because of Mr.Darcy’s confession of love to Elizabeth. You’re waiting for the day where it’ll be your turn, the day where, like those cheesy romances you read, you will get your confession full of love by the love of your life. You know you look like a hopeless romantic but you grew up with this idea of great love stories where the man is perfect and you’ve been searching for him since your teenage years. Maybe Jake will be this man and he’ll confess his feelings to you soon. You like him a lot and you wish you could share the future you have in mind with him.

Once your movie is over, you take your phone and check your notifications. You haven’t received anything. Not a call, nor a message. You thought that maybe Jake would send you a text to tell you about his day or at least say some nice words but nothing. Radio silence. It should be a good sign he’s having fun with his friends and yet, you can’t stop yourself from thinking this silence sounds like some bad signs ; he doesn’t seem to miss you. Sure he’s with his friends, you know he’s not spending his night on his phone though, a text wouldn’t be too much ! With mixed feelings, you put down your phone and start watching another romantic movie.

During the whole night, you keep checking your phone without any change. When you go to bed around midnight, you keep on sighing and your mind starts thinking back to your relationship with Jake and to doubt it.

Once you’re laying down on your bed, you glance one last time at your phone and when you see nothing new, you groan and aggressively put your cellphone on your nightstand. You change position in your bed and try to fall asleep, in vain. You toss and turn and yet, you don’t seem to be comfortable enough and your mind who is currently overthinking doesn’t make things better. This lack of message from Jake hurts you more than you care to admit. One thing is certain, you won’t get your love confession tonight. Maybe you shouldn't have gotten ahead of yourself so much ? Maybe your relationship with Jake won’t last ? Maybe there was a little bit of truth in Cora’s words ? You shake your head, hoping to get rid of these voices who start to make you more puzzled. If you discuss it with Jake, surely the situation will get better. Right ?

At least, you feel like the situation gets better the following week. You haven’t really talked with Jake but you’ve been able to see each other more often.

Today, you spend the afternoon together. You don’t do anything special. Jake just came to your apartment and you stay on the couch watching movies and talking about random things.

Your head on his shoulder, you think you were right to trust Jake. When he has the time, he’s the perfect… boyfriend ? Partner ? Friend ? Whatever the word may be, he is perfect. You never argue and your conversation knows no awkward silence ; everything is for the best in the best of all possible worlds. You even feel like you’re getting closer and closer to the moment where you’ll finally be official. You’ll finally be able to call him yours and you’ll be able to share more than some hours here and there with Jake. You can imagine a whole future with him, that’s why you want to believe so hard that what you have is something good, despite the particular circumstances.

As soon as it’s getting late, Jake gets ready to go back to his house. From time to time, he stays to sleep at yours however when he has to wake up early the next day, he prefers to go home, his apartment being closer to his workplace. Once he’s set to go, Jake walks to the door while you follow him, tiredness visible on your face.

“Send me a message when you’ve arrived.” you say, yawning and Jake tenderly looks at you.

“I will.”

“Can we see each other next Saturday ?”

“I’ve already got something planned with my squad at the Hard Deck.”

“And do you think it’d bother them a lot if I came with you ?” you ask with a small voice before embarrassment catches you. “Sorry, it was rude. I shouldn’t have invited myself like that. It was stupid. I… Tell me when you get home. Good night.” you exclaim, ready to close the door but Jake stops you.

“It wasn’t stupid. Actually, I’ve been thinking of introducing you to them for a long time now.”

“Really ?”

“Sure. We’ve known each other for four months, it’s normal for you to meet them. I’ll pick you up and we’ll spend the whole evening together.” he states, putting his hands on your cheeks.

“Perfect.”

“Goodnight, Y/N.”

Jake gives you a smile before pressing his lips on yours. Your kiss only lasts a few seconds and you enjoy it as much as possible, celebrating this new milestone in your relationship. You’re still not official, nonetheless he wants to introduce you to his friends, you’re on the right track. Once Jake breaks the kiss, he tenderly strokes your cheek before turning around and walking away. You watch him leave then close your door, a goofy smile on your face.

When you get to the Hard Deck, Jake’s arm around your waist the following Saturday, it’s not a goofy smile you have on your face anymore but a nervous one. You know Jake is close with his colleagues and you want to make a good impression. You hope with all your heart this moment will go well. For you, this is a key moment and you can’t allow yourself to make a wrong move.

As soon as you find the group of people wearing Khakis, except one man is wearing a Hawaiian shirt, your hands become a bit more clammy. Jake quickly introduces you to every member of his squadron and you do your best to remember their names. For now, you only know Natasha’s name, as she’s the only woman. Jake proposes something to drink and judging you need to relax, you ask for a beer. He kisses your cheek before going to the bar, leaving you alone.

“I can’t believe you’re real.” Natasha starts with eyes wide open. “When Bagman told us he wanted to present us to someone, I thought he was joking. I never thought he was the kind of guy to settle down and I have to admit, I’m surprised to see you can put up with him.”

“Once you get to know him, he lets the arrogance go and you realise he’s a nice guy.” you respond, laughing.

“Hangman said you two met four months ago, right ?” Bradley questions.

“Yes, at a café. I had just gotten my coffee when Jake bumped into me and, long story short, he offered me a new coffee with his number on the cup.”

“I see he still knows how to make a good first impression.” Natasha jokes. “What do you do in life ?”

“I work in a bookshop. I’m paid to be surrounded by books, I couldn’t have dreamed of anything better.”

“That’s so cool ! I should come sometime. I haven’t read a new book in a long time.” Bradley informs you and instantly, your eyes shimmers with excitement.

“Oh ! I can give you recommendations if you want. What genre do you prefer ?”

Ensued then a conversation about your favourite topic : books. Bradley tells you some titles he likes, novels he’s been meaning to read for years and you listen to him with passion. You give him a whole list of authors and books to check out and he writes them down on his phone. Thinking you might have some other recommendations for him later, you ask him to give you his number. At the same time you’re saving his contact, Jake comes back to you and puts his arm around your shoulders.

“You’re not stealing her from me, aren’t you Bradshaw ?”

“We were talking about books, a subject you might not be familiar with.” Bradley retorts and Jake smirks.

“Oh no, she talks about it all the time. You haven’t finished getting new suggestions.” Jake says, faking desperation in his voice.

“Hey ! You’ve discovered good books thanks to me.” you defend.

“True. Anyway I’m going to play pool. You’re good here ?”

“Yeah, I am.”

Jake smiles at you before going to find his friend at the pool table. You stay with Bradley, Natasha and Bob, who just came next to you. You keep getting to know each other and you feel better, realising you don’t struggle to fit in - you’re not really the social butterfly, preferring your books more than people.

As the conversation goes on, you learn that Bradley is a good pianist and you ask to see him play. He doesn’t need to be asked twice and walk to the piano before playing Great Ball Of Fire by Jerry Lee Lewis. Natasha, Bob and you sing with him and you’re quickly followed by the other people in the bar. Jake comes to you and sings by your side and sometimes he spins you around.

Once Bradley finishes the song, you laugh with your new friends, glad to realise you’re having a good time. Jake asks you if you want something else to drink and you inform him you haven’t finished your beer yet. He tells you he’s going to grab another drink, leaving you for a moment.

“Natasha wasn’t joking when she said you were an outstanding pianist ! Very good choice of song, by the way.” you compliment Bradley.

“It’s my favourite. My dad used to play it when I was a kid. I have good memories with this song and my parents.”

“I can see that. Your parents seemed to be cute together.”

When you talked earlier, Bradley quickly told you about his parents and you have to admit the way he speaks of their relationship, it looks like a story from one of your favourite books.

“They were !” Bradley confirms with nostalgia. “Maybe too much. I’d like a relationship like theirs.”

“I’m sure you will. You seem like an amazing guy. You deserve a love story as beautiful as theirs.”

“You too.”

Bradley smiles at you before talking about his pianist skills while you’re searching for Jake next to the bar. You expected to see him with a drink in hand, but it’s a vision of Jake with a woman who has her arms around his neck that you find. Your eyebrows furrowed, not knowing who this woman is and why she’s so close to your… to Jake. Jake gets rid of the woman’s arms then tells her something. He comes back to you at the same time where Bradley excuses himself to use the bathroom.

“Who was she ?” you question, not giving him the time to start a conversation.

“Who ?”

“The woman who was literally in your arms.”

“Oh, huh, I don’t know. She tried to flirt with me but I told her I was already in good company.” Jake explains with a flirty smile yet, you stay sceptical. “Y/N, I swear I don’t know her. You don’t have to worry.”

“I’m not. I’m curious, that’s all.” you lie.

Not fully convinced by your affirmation, Jake put his hands on your cheeks before leaning in and kissing you with passion. Even if you still have some doubt, Jake’s kiss helps you to calm down.

However, it’s really during the following weeks that you feel much better. Jake is being more present, casting away every doubt you have in mind. He’s managed to have some free time for you and you’ve even spent three days together, something never done before in your relationship. This time, you’re sure, everything is alright. Everything Cora told you or even everything you thought was fake. No matter what people say about Jake and his love life, you are the exception. Jake cares about you and he’s honest. Your relationship has a real future.

You’re so over the moon that you’re not as sad as usual when Jake tells you he can’t spend the evening at your place because he’s exhausted. You wish him a good rest before reading your book again. You’re in the middle of a chapter when you receive a message from your friend Laura who you haven’t seen in months. She asks you if you want to come to the bar next to her place. As you miss your friend, you accept without a second thought before getting ready.

Once you arrive at the Scented Sky bar, you have a big smile on your face, impatient to meet Laura. Once you leave your car, your eyes find their way to a vehicle not too far away who looks like Jake’s. At first, you think it’s just a mere coincidence then you pay attention to the licence plate and recognize that it is Jake’s. Instantly, you frown. You don’t understand how he can be there when he told you he wanted to sleep, not to mention the fact this bar is far from his place.

You keep searching for a rational explanation while you go to the bar. Before you walk through the door, you glance at the window and your eyes get teary at what you’re seeing. Jake did lie to you. He is at the bar and far from being tired as he presses his lips on a woman, the same woman at the Hard Deck he swore to you he didn’t know. The world is crumbling down your feet as you’re looking at them kissing passionately and being in each other’s arms. Tears are running down your cheeks and you can’t stop them. You want to go in and insult Jake with every bad word you know yet, the shock is so strong you turn around and go back home, trying to understand what you just saw.

When you close your door, you lean on the wall before sliding down and bursting into tears. You have your head in your hands, totally desperate and angry, not only at Jake but at yourself too. You wonder how you couldn’t see the signs. Now that you think back on it, you realise that, indeed, every element was in front of you : he keeps an emotional distance, he never uses pet names, you’re never his priority and so and so forth. You thought you found someone honest and you feel like a fool as you realise it isn’t the case. You should have listened to Cora, you should have listened to your instinct. You thought you learned your lesson, especially after your relationship with Logan, apparently you still have a long road ahead of you.

Once your sobs calm down, you stand up and throw yourself on your bed, not really taking the time to change your clothes. You stay there, laying on your back, staring at the ceiling, without understanding what’s happening. In the end, you are not the exception. As always. And you never will be. You will never have your love story, your confession of love, your happily ever after.

Your phone notifying you of a new message interrupts your downward spiral. You take it and when you see it’s a text from Jake wishing you a goodnight, you want to answer him with a long paragraph, explaining how much you hate him. However, you don’t have the strength so you delete his number and block him on your social media. You feel lighter but still miserable. You don’t want to see him ever again.

Your wish is not granted. You’ve been able to avoid Jake only for a week. Despite all your efforts, Jake forces the hand of destiny by coming to your workplace. You see him entering the bookshop but you keep working, pretending to be too busy. You don’t even react when he’s in front of you. Your lack of reaction confuses Jake. He expected you to throw yourself in his arms and yet, he is taken aback by your silence.

“Hey, Y/N, it’s me.” he starts with a big smile, “I saw you weren’t answering my texts and I can’t reach you on social either, weirdly, so I got worried. Everything okay ? Are you ignoring me ?”

“I don’t know, did you give me a reason to ignore you ?” you question looking up to him, forcing a smile.

“Huh, no. I mean, I don’t think so.”

“Then no, I’m not ignoring you. You’re such a nice guy, I don’t see why I’d want to ignore you.” you exclaim, ironically.

“Ok, I’ve missed something. Can we talk about it ?”

“I don’t want to talk to you !”

“If you don’t want to talk to me anymore, I think I deserve at least an explanation. I mean, we’ve had something for four months.” Jake demands and this is your last straw.

“In the back shop. Now.”

Because of your authoritative tone, Jake doesn't dare to make an inappropriate comment and follows you while you go to the backshop. Cora looks at you from afar, completely confused by the angry expression on your face - you haven’t told her anything about your discovery, feeling too ashamed.

Once you close the door behind Jake, you cross your arms on your chest and glare at him.

“So, what’s up ?” Jake casually asks.

“I don’t know, you tell me.” you start, trying so hard not to scream, “I thought you were too tired so why were you at the Scented Sky ?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Don’t try to outwit me ! A week ago, I asked you if you wanted to come to my place to which you gave me the stupid excuse of “I’m too tired to come”. And yet, when I went to the bar, I saw you, in great form.”

At your last sentence, Jake’s eyes widen, panic visible on his face. His brain tries to find a rational explanation however before he can say it to you, you quickly add.

“And do I need to specify you weren’t alone when I saw you ? You were with the woman from the Hard Deck. You know, the same woman you didn’t know at all. And not to mention you were kissing her.”

“I have a good explanation,” he fastly says.

“Oh yeah ? Which one ?”

Jake stares at you and chooses his words carefully before speaking, as if he was in front of a wild animal. He never saw you mad before. He didn’t even think it was possible so he doesn’t know the way you could react if what he says came out wrong.

“She was flirting with me again and before I could react, she kissed me.”

“I just told you I saw and you keep taking me for a fool ?” you retort, shocked by his lie. “You were the one who pressed his lips on hers, your hands were on her hips ! How can you think I’m gonna believe what you’re telling me ? How could you do this to me ? I thought we had something !”

“I…”, he stutters before starting with a calm voice, “Look, I told you I wasn’t ready for a relationship, nothing was official between us and-”

“And I get it !” you cut him off sharply, “But It doesn’t give you the right to make me believe you care about me just for you to go see someone else. You know, if you had told me you weren’t ready for a relationship and you wanted to meet other women at the same time, I would have told you I didn’t want that and we would have called it quits ! You haven’t been honest with me when I’ve given you everything ! You’ve betrayed my trust just like the others.” you sigh, your eyes getting teary.

“I didn’t mean for this to happen. I swear I had the best of intentions.”

“If that is you with the best of intentions then I don’t want to imagine how you’d act if you didn’t care about the person ; you’ve ruined everything. You’ve taken me for an idiot for months and you have no remorse about it ! All I did was defend you, repeat to everyone you were someone nice and you’ve proven to everyone you live up to your reputation and that I am the stupid and desperate woman who only sees the best in the worst guys. Tell me honestly, were you even gonna tell me one day you didn’t want anything serious with me or were you gonna let me guess it by ghosting me ?” you question and Jake doesn’t answer. “Your silence says it all. I can’t believe I could have thought you were good. But, at least, you were useful for something. I had to learn to listen to my instinct when it tells me to walk out from a relationship instead of persisting. Thanks to you, I’ve finally learned my lesson. I hate you, Jake.” you pronounce, staring him right in the eyes. “I don’t want to see you ever again.”

“Y/N, wait-”Jake tries to say.

“No ! Leave and never talk to me again.”

Jake doesn’t add anything and leaves the room without looking back. Once the door is closed, you let your tears run freely down on your cheeks. You sit down, not having enough strength in your legs when the door opens once more, letting in Cora. She doesn’t wait before taking you in her arms. She affectionately strokes your back while you’re sobbing.

“I didn’t know what I was doing. You were right, Cora.”

“I wish I wasn’t.”

“I’m so stupid.”

“He’s the stupid one here, he doesn't know what he’s lost.”

Cora’s words should be comforting and yet, it makes you feel worse. Jake might not know what he’s lost but you sure do know what you’ve lost, time, love, energy and above all, trust. You know you’ll need time to heal from it.

And indeed, you need several months before you can spend a day without thinking about Jake. Now you can finally start to move on. This relationship, though short, has left a trace in your heart, just not like you wished. Since your split-up, you’ve decided to put yourself first instead of waiting for a man to show you his love. You need to understand what you want and what you deserve in a relationship and you can only do that alone. You need to know how to exist and to love without depending on the gaze of a significant other.

For the first time in your life, you are your own priority and you feel good as a single woman. You wouldn’t be against the idea of living your epic love story one day but you are satisfied with your current life. You’re self-sufficient and that is the most beautiful confession of love you could ever have.

Masterlist

Speak Now TV Masterlist

Part two

{This is my side blog so I'll be answering comments under the username @marie-sworld}

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orangesaek · 1 year

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hi dear! how are you? :) i hope you're well & healthy!

i'm actually new to your blog and i think your fics are so cute ❤️ i was wondering if i could please request a scenario with doyoung falling in love at first sight with a fan during a fansigning event.

this idea came to mind after i watched a clip from one of his vcs with a fan. he couldn't stop smiling and telling her she's pretty, like he had heart eyes :') /jealous/

anyway, tysm in advance and happy new year!

pairings: doyoung x fan (3rd person pov)

genre: fluff

oh my god this is sooo long overdue 🥲 i hope you're still here 😭 anyway, thanks so much for this & hope this year has been kind to you so far!

a/n: I am not, in any way, affiliated with SM Entertainment. All the things I have written here are purely based on how I think video call events are being held.

also, sorry for any typo or grammatical errors 🥲 i'll try to proofread & correct any mistakes as soon as i find one!

DoJaeJung have just successfully wrapped up their media promotions for their official debut, and are now preparing for their first-ever video call event as one of NCT's newest (fixed) sub-units.

Despite already doing this many times as an NCT 127 member ever since the pandemic started, Doyoung still couldn't help but feel nervous each time because he couldn't possibly know what kind of fan he would be speaking with.

He's genuinely grateful to his fans, and he does love them with all of his heart, but all the crazy shit and cringey stuff some of them had asked him to do during the call in the past kinda left him wanting to protect the remaining dignity he has left.

"Are you guys all set? Just reminding you gentlemen that you will be doing 10 calls each today." one of the staff informed as Doyoung, Jaehyun, and Jungwoo did some last-minute fixing to their apperance. Doyoung checked his teeth on his hand mirror, while Jaehyun and Jungwoo fixed their hair.

The three men exchanged a mouthed 'fighting!' as some of the staff went over to where they were waiting, and led them to their respective areas.

"Everything's working fine, right?" Doyoung politely asked one of the staffs who was adjusting the ring light in front of him.

"Yes, Doyoung-ssi. As usual, just 2 minutes for each fan. A translator and a staff will stay here to assist you and monitor your calls as well."

Doyoung thanked the staff and took in deep breaths to calm down.

"We'll start the first call now. Remember, 2 minutes. Don't go any more than that, alright? We'll take a quick break after the 5th call, don't worry." one of the staff that was assigned to him said. Doyoung nodded before the staff finally tapped the call button for the first fan on the list, the familiar ring on speakerphone making him feel all nervous again.

However, Doyoung greeted the fan warmly as soon as he saw their face on the phone screen. Despite feeling a bit nervous, he was still happy to see and talk to them even for just a really short time.

"See you~" Doyoung bid the fan goodbye before a staff covered the front camera and ended the call. He let out a soft moan as he stretched his arms wide, exhaling in satisfaction.

Doyoung remained seated on his chair and took a sip of water as he looked down on his notes before signing the first 5 albums. Aside from trying his best to do whatever his fans ask him to do during the call, he also took notes of the interesting things his fans tell him so he could actually make their signed albums a lot more meaningful.

For example, if a fan told him that they recently got a new job, he would scribble them down on his notepad, take note of the fan's name or nickname, and then include a congratulations or a word of encouragement to that fan in their signed album after the call.

No matter how trivial they are, he always wrote them down. He believes it's one of the ways he could show his fans that he's really listening to them. They made a huge effort to talk to him anyway (not to mention, the amount of money they spent just for a 2-minute call with him), it was the least he could do to give back, he thinks.

"We'll be starting the next batch now. Please be ready."

Doyoung took another sip of water before the staff tapped on the call button again for the next fan on the list. He honestly felt a little less nervous since the first 5 calls were just (thankfully) normal conversations.

"Last one and we're done for the day! I can already hear my delicious pork belly sizzling on the grill." his manager said in excitement. Doyoung chuckled lightly. They actually planned to eat out later with the rest of the boys (and their managers) to celebrate. He was looking forward to it as well.

Doyoung waited patiently for the fan to answer the call, feeling a bit worried as the phone was ringing more than thrice already and the staff was on standby, ready to end the call. Although they would still be calling her one more time if she doesn't answer the first time, he couldn't help but feel worried that she might actually end up missing the entire event. He just couldn't imagine how devastated she might feel after.

The staff was just about to tap the end button when the fan finally picked up the call. Doyoung choked on his own spit as soon as he saw her face.

She was really pretty. Beautiful.

"Doyoung, are you okay?" the fan asked worriedly. Doyoung took a quick sip of water before letting out an apologetic smile, clearing his throat after.

"Yes, I am. I'm so sorry, that was really embarrassing." he said, scratching the back of his neck shyly. The fan laughed softly.

"Sorry, I was waiting all this time, but one of my dogs decided to act up last minute so I had to take care of her." she said. A soft smile appeared on Doyoung's face. He shook his head lightly.

"Don't worry about it. I'm just really glad to see you." he said as the smile on his face appeared bigger and bigger until he couldn't keep himself from letting out a shy but cute giggle. The fan looked quite puzzled but chuckled at his cuteness.

Doyoung pinched his cheeks in an attempt to stop himself from giggling like a kid who had just seen his crush.

"Sorry, I'm really sorry." he said, quite inaudibly as he was now covering his mouth with his hands. He took a deep breath before focusing his attention again to the fan.

"I'm sorry," he spoke again. "You're just... so pretty. You're really pretty!"

Blush crept up her cheeks and chuckled rather shyly at him. It felt nice to hear that kind of compliment, but it feels a lot nicer when you hear it straight from your bias' mouth.

"I'm serious, you're really pretty." he said again, now looking a lot more composed. Doyoung leaned his body closer to the camera and showed her his famous gummy smile. He could only hear the fan sheepishly mumble a, 'what are you saying?'

Doyoung glanced quickly at the staff who was holding a paper that says there's only less than a minute left for the call. He mentally cursed at himself for wasting a good minute of the fan's time just to end up embarrassing himself in front of her.

"So, uhm, I'm really sorry we didn't get the chance to talk much, but I promise I'll make it up to you soon!" he said. Doyoung did feel extremely apologetic, but there's nothing he could do. As much as he wanted to extend, he couldn't.

"Don't worry about it," the fan replied. "I'm going to try my luck again next time." she added.

"I'll talk to you soon, then." Doyoung smiled. The fan only hummed in response, acting as if she was going to think about it on purpose.

"Not sure..." she teased. "I mean, I might try talking to the other members—"

"Nope, nope! Don't you dare." he huffed, scrunching his face cutely in fake disapproval. Well, not entirely, since he was actually quite serious about it.

The fan laughed at his response.

"I was just kidding! No need to choose violence." she chuckled. Doyoung eyed her suspiciously before shaking his head and chuckling to himself.

"Pinky promise me, then. Hurry~" he whined cutely, holding up a pinky finger to the phone screen. Doyoung could actually see the staff signalling him to end the call now from his peripheral vision, but he blatantly ignored them anyway.

The fan smiled shyly at him before raising her own pinky finger and virtually doing a pinky promise with Doyoung.

"I've got tickets to your next show, by the way." the fan added as soon as she heard the beeping tone, which signals the end of the call.

"Then I promise I'll look for you in the crowd." Doyoung said. The staff ran over and covered the front camera.

"Bye, pretty girl!" he quickly added before the staff could press the end button.

Although he honestly felt quite disappointed that the call ended just like that, he was still really happy.

His manager walked over to his side and nudged him lightly. Doyoung had just started signing her album.

"What was that all about? I felt second-hand embarrassment because of you. Was she really that pretty?" he asked. Doyoung nodded rather enthusiastically in response.

"Yes, hyung!" he responded. "Don't get me wrong, though. I find all of our fans really pretty, and this obviously isn't the first time I've seen a pretty girl, but she's just THAT pretty."

His manager smiled softly at him before patting his back lightly.

"Well then, if you actually get to see her again, let me know. I'll try to take her backstage for you." he whispered.

Doyoung's eyes lit up at the idea but was quickly replaced by a pout.

"Yeah, I do hope I can find her soon. 2 minutes wasn't enough, seriously." he said quietly. His manager laughed lightly at him before going out to check on Jaehyun and Jungwoo.

Doyoung went back to signing her album and scribbled a cute note on one of his pages.

"They said hair will grow on your butt if you break a pinky promise, so don't look at the other guys, okay? We pinky-promised, pretty girl ;) looking forward to see you! - your Doyoungieee ♡"

- end

DOJAEJUNG WILL DEBUT ON APRIL 17! 💚 i'm so excited :') and have you guys checked Mark's Golden Hour?! 😭

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daniwib · 4 months

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Fic Writing Review 2023

Words and fics

• 281,412 words published to ao3

• approx. 150,000 more unpublished (unfinished WIP’s)

• 2 fandoms (911 & 911 Lonestar)

• Most recent drop: Night at the (Wax) Museum – an utterly cursed piece of work that is virtually unreadable. Seriously. I dare you to try. I wrote this for a guess-the-writer event and made it so unrecognisable as my own work that virtually no one read it at all. It’s a fun story and I hope that more people will read the grammatically correct version that I’ll be posting hopefully today.

• Longest fic in 2023: empty, broken, lonely, hoping at 44k (Buck and Christopher are presumed dead when Buck’s building burns down) This is one of my favourites this year.

Top 2023 fics by kudos

• empty, broken, lonely, hoping (Buck and Christopher are presumed dead when Buck’s building burns down). I really like this one and am quite proud of it. One of my favourites I’ve written this year.

• Losing Hope (Buck gets pregnant right before the lawsuit but loses the baby). Huh. This surprised me. I never thought I’d write mpreg or lawsuit fic OR that it would be one of my highest kudos’d fic this year. How bizarre!

Upcoming events and projects for 2024

Gah this is scary, I have so many.

Reluctant Werewolf crack – I really need to sit down and finish the last chapter of this. It’s about half done.

Coronation crack – likewise. I got blocked when RWRB was released and featured a polo scene very similar to what I was planning for Buddie in England and haven’t been able to get back to it since. I think I’ll scrap that chapter and just finish it off. I loathe having unfinished wip’s partly posted, it does my head in.

Big werewolf AU – featuring all my favourite tropes of kidnapped Buck, worried Eddie, Buck whump and Eddie whump too. I started it in January 2023. It’s fully plotted and maybe 2/3’s written at around 70k.

Navy Seal Buck – there’s something so fun about secretly bamf! Buck going all out to protect his firefam. He gets whumped during the course of, naturally. Again, started in January 2023, fully plotted and is maybe half done at about 50k-ish.

Angsty Buckley family drama set around the Madney wedding aka the one that will make you all weep. Fully plotted, partly begun.

Kidnapped TK – this one is so big and complex that I’m thinking of turning it into a novel some day. Fully plotted and partially written.

Eddie porn reviewer. Plotted only.

Buck sex worker. Plotted, partially written.

Carla romance novelist gets Buddie together. Plotted, partially written.

Plus the other 90+ ideas in my Ideas folder!

I’m unlikely to get much done before Christmas, too busy with family stuff and am recovering from having to have an emergency appendectomy while also having Influenza A this week. It’s been… rough.

Same for January as hubby and I are going on the first holiday alone together since having kids – Tasmania here we come! I am very glad my surgery didn’t ruin that.

Thank you for the tag @sherlockcrossing

No pressure tagging: @daughterofscotland @rogerzsteven @cal-daisies-and-briars @ronordmann and anyone else who wants to share!

Rules: Feel free to show whatever stats you have. Only want to show Ao3 stats? Rock on. Want to include some quantitative info instead of stats? Please do this. Want to change how yours is presented? Absolutely do that. Would rather eat glass than do this? Please don’t eat glass but don’t feel like you have to do this either.

#tag game #fanfic #my writing #Ao3 #Whump #Angst #911 #Buddie

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purrincess-chat · 2 years

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Cat’s Writing Tips: Trimming the Fat

Hello, and welcome to another Writing Tip Monday on a Tuesday with Cat! My name is Cat, and I was busy yesterday. For those that are new here, I’ve been writing unprofessionally for 16 years. I’ve learned a thing or two in my time, but feel free to take any of my advice with as many grains of salt as you see fit. Let’s get into it.

If you’re someone who constantly has high word counts and are looking to cut them down to fit into a zine or just in general, then this post is for you! I’m talking to all my over-writers out there. Today I want to talk about how to trim down unnecessary words and phrases from your writing to be more concise and less confusing and redundant. Keep in mind that there are times when you can use these things, but I’m just saying that a majority of the time you shouldn’t. And before anyone gets their feelings hurt, I’m guilty of a lot of these during drafting too because sometimes it’s just easier to use them and get the words onto the page. These are all things to eliminate in editing. If it’s easier for you to use them during your actual drafting process, then by all means. Just be sure to go back and edit them out, and eventually, you’ll reach a point where you can avoid them during drafting all together.

1. Filler Words

“Cat what do you mean by filler words?”

Words like “that,” “very,” “really,” etc. 9/10 you don’t need them, but let’s talk about each one specifically.

That is one that I’m particularly guilty of. Maybe it’s a regional dialect thing, but I use “that” in my regular conversations when I’m speaking a lot. The thing about “that” is it’s usually unnecessary, and sentences can make sense without it. Key word: usually. I’ll give a couple examples to show you the difference between when “that” is appropriate, and when it’s not needed:

Appropriate use of that:

“Hey, can you hand me that?” She pointed to the wrench on the counter.

Here, context will matter, but it’s perfectly fine to replace an object in a scene with the word “that” in this context. Sometimes “that” does have a place, so I’m not saying go out and delete all the “thats” from your stories. Just assess whether or not it’s necessary in each context, like my next example:

Unnecessary use of that:

Something told her that he couldn’t be trusted.

In this context, the sentence can work without the word “that.” It still makes grammatical sense to say, “Something told her he couldn’t be trusted.” The word “that” is just an extra word filling up space in the sentence. Delete it.

“Very” and “really” tend to serve the same function, so I’ll lump them together. These two words offer a scale your readers don’t need. In most cases, it’s best to replace these words with stronger verbs, more specific adjectives, or just delete them all together. I’ll give some examples:

Weak: A very big cake sat on a table, colorful birthday candles waiting to be lit.

Stronger: A large cake sat on the table, colorful birthday candles waiting to be lit.

Weak: She was very tired.

Stronger: She was exhausted.

Weak: This wasn’t really how he planned on proposing.

Stronger: This wasn’t how he planned on proposing.

These words aren’t as descriptive as you might think, and more than anything, they just bog down the sentence. Your writing will pack more of a punch if you replace them with better descriptors and actions.

2. Epithets

“the brown haired girl”

“the blonde”

“the writer”

“the musician”

I see epithets used a lot, and I want to commend epithet users because it comes from a place of good instincts. You use them as an alternate means to describe someone because you worry people will get tired of reading a character’s name over and over, and you are correct. People will get tired of that, but they’re also going to get tired of the overuse of epithets too. Here’s my two cents on the matter:

Epithets are fine if the character doesn’t have a name or if they don’t bear any importance to the story. Let’s say your character buys a coffee in one chapter from a random coffee shop they’ll never visit again. Saying something like, “The barista handed him his coffee,” is fine because the barista is serving one purpose in the story--they’re a barista. They don’t need a name because the readers are never going to see them again.

However, if you’re using epithets for important characters or even the MC, what you’re really doing is creating distance. And in some cases you’re also confusing the reader just as much as if you used their names over and over.

“Hey,” the blonde said.

“How’s it going?” the brunette replied.

“Great! How about you?” Her friend smiled.

Like, you see how that’s just as annoying? I promise you, I would much rather just read the characters’ names in this situation, but how do we fix this in a way that doesn’t involve repeating character names or pronouns, which can also get tricky in scenes where people of the same gender are talking? There are a couple of different ways.

-Break up long conversations with action or description

Very rarely should your characters just be standing around doing nothing except talking. Create movement in the scene, utilize the surroundings, have your characters do something instead of just talking. Even if that’s all your characters are doing in a scene because a conversation needs to be had, you should still break up the conversation every now and then. How does your MC feel about what’s being said? What things might they be leaving unsaid? How does what they’re feeling manifest physically? What is their body doing?

Ex from my own writing:

“Can I make you some tea?” She offered, setting her bag on the stairs.

“Sure.”

Perfect. Tea was a good excuse not to look at him. She kept her back to him while she worked, pretending that she didn’t know where things were to stall for time. His eyes followed her every move. Watching. Waiting. She couldn’t keep this up forever, so she might as well get it over with.

“So, what’s up?” she asked while filling the kettle.

Instead of immediately continuing the conversation, you can pause to give the reader a breather, but it really depends on the situation. If you’re going to break a conversation, be sure it makes sense for the character to pause and reflect. If characters are having a heated debate, inserting a paragraph where the character is reflecting on their feelings might pull the reader out of the tension in the moment. Just be aware of what the tone and intention of the scene is.

-rather than overusing dialogue tags, consider occasionally using an action tag.

“Said” is fine. I’m not advocating for the overuse of action tags or giving every piece of dialogue a hyper-specific tone descriptor. But if you write an entire conversation using only things like “said” “asked” “replied,” you’re going to suffer from White Room Syndrome/Talking Heads Syndrome.

“Cat, how is this different from the previous example?”

The previous example was about interjecting a non-dialogue paragraph and getting inside the character’s head or following their actions. This example refers to how you tag dialogue itself. I’ll give another example from my own writing:

“Wow.” Marinette’s eyebrows raised. Her makeup never looked half this good when she did it herself—a skilled hand made all the difference. She peeked up at Gabrielle applying her own lip gloss and pursed her lips. “So, what kind of party is this?”

“Relax, goody-two-shoes, the most exciting thing at this party is wine. My parents don’t let me go to trashy parties.” Gabrielle rolled her eyes, removing her large trench coat to reveal a sparkly black dress with mesh cutouts along the waist. “Just try not to act too lowbrow, okay? Don’t embarrass me.”

“I’ll do my best?” Marinette said as they pulled up to the front steps.

“Great.” Gabrielle tossed her compact into her purse and kicked open the door. “Oh, and just because we’re arriving together does not mean you are allowed to socialize with me here. Don’t hang off me like a sad little koala. Go dance and have fun with other people.”

“Right. Wouldn’t want anyone to think we’re friends,” Marinette said.

In this case, having action tags instead of dialogue tags helps keep the scene flowing without the repeated use of their names becoming redundant. Keep in mind that there are more ways for characters to interact during a conversation other than just speaking. Body language can tell the reader a lot about how characters might be feeling and what their relationship is to the person they’re speaking to.

But just like the last point, I’m not advocating for you to go and delete every dialogue tag in your writing and replace it with an action tag. Use of action tags still needs to make sense and add something to the conversation. Using action just for the sake of action can be just as redundant and annoying to read. Conversations are a balancing act. Remember: “said” is fine, but using only “said’ is boring. Writing is a balancing act, so assess your scenes carefully.

-create distinct character voices (*a topic I’ll touch on another day in more detail)

I’ve talked about dialogue tags, action tags, breaking up conversations with inner monologues, but what if I told you some lines of dialogue don’t need any tags at all? I’ll give an example from my own writing:

“I know I messed up. I’m sorry.” He lowered his gaze. “I learned my lesson.”

“Good. With your silly little conscience out of the way, we can actually get some real work done,” Chloe said. “I do have a few ideas for you, but…”

“But what?”

Chloe leaned against her fist with a wicked grin. “I need to test your loyalty. If you’re going to lie down with the dogs, you can’t be afraid to get dirty, so I need to know you’re capable of breaking the rules.”

A chill prickled his spine, and Adrien shifted in his seat. “What kind of rules?”

“See? This is why I have trust issues, Adrikins.”

In this example, I have two lines of dialogue that are untagged, but in both cases, it’s still clear who is talking. Given that this is a conversation between two people, and by sheer adherence to the “new speaker, new paragraph” rule, you can rightfully infer that Adrien is the one who says, “But what?” Similarly, you can assume the last line is said by Chloe, but the last line in particular is very specific character voice. Chloe is the only person who calls him “Adrikins,” so even if there was another person in this conversation, you’d still know it was her talking. Giving your characters a specific manner of speaking can help readers infer their dialogue in situations like this. This specific manner of speaking is known as “character voice.” It’s literally what it sounds like--the “voice” that readers will hear in their head for a specific character. If your character has a distinct and strong voice, readers will be able to pick up on their dialogue more easily.

3. Adverbs

I feel like everyone gets heated about this one, and some writers will cling to their precious adverbs until their dying day. Cool, you do you, but I’m here to tell you that adverbs aren’t doing as much as you think they are.

Don’t get me wrong, I like adverbs, and I’m not one that’s going to tell you to go out and delete every single adverb from your story. Adverbs do have their place and can add to a scene, but you need to be conscious of how you’re using them. Let’s talk about some examples of good and bad adverb usage:

Bad adverb: “She ran quickly down the road.”

Running is inherently something people do quickly. By definition, it’s faster than walking.

Good adverb: She smiled sadly.

Smiling is normally something people do when they’re happy. By adding the adverb “sadly” in this instance, it changes the meaning of the smile.

When using adverbs, it’s best to ask yourself what exactly the adverb is adding to the scene, if anything. Is it changing the meaning of something, or is it being redundant? In general, most adverbs can be replaced with stronger verbs to improve a sentence or just deleted all together.

It’s fine to just say: “She ran down the road.” But if you’re trying to convey a bigger sense of urgency in the way she’s running you could say: “She darted down the street.” or “She sprinted down the street.” Both of those are ways to say she’s running faster than normal. You could also get showy with it and say something like:

“The rubber soles of her shoes hit the pavement, ragged breaths weighing her lungs. Her child’s pained cries fell silent in her arms, and she cradled her closer. The hospital was still three blocks away.”

There are a lot of ways to eliminate adverbs from your writing to make it stronger. The world will go on without them. Please, let them go.

There are plenty more things you can do to trim down word counts, but I feel like these are the big three I see a lot. Another option is cutting unnecessary scenes, but that’s a topic for another day. A lot of the time, you can easily cut down words by making these little line edits and improve your writing exponentially. If anyone has any more questions on how to trim these examples specifically, feel free to send me a message or leave a comment on this post. I’m always happy to talk writing! As always, we improve by helping each other, so don’t be afraid to ask. I’ll see you guys next time!

#cats writing advice #writing advice #writing tips #writing help #writing ref #writing reference #writing community #writing

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superchat · 1 month

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It does really bumm me out tho. i wish 90% of all social interactions didnt stress me out and have me overthinking and getting anxiety over it

Someone walks past my desk at work and asks hows it goind and i say "im doing well!" but internally im just like "i said im doing well instead of im doing good its grammatically correct but very awkward also i didnt ask them how theyre doing back cuz i didnt want to drag on the interaction cuz the more i talk to someone the more awkward it is i hope my tone wasnt weird either. i cant really carry a conversation and didnt know where to look when they passed either" and it was a 2 second interaction but im just sitting there uanting to bite my fingers off cuz of it and i just feel awful for a good 3 minutes but even whwn i feel "better" i still think abt it and just my general State of Self where i cant even make small talk without dying a bit

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nattikay · 2 months

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ok I’m very new at trying pronunciations for a fictional language I currently have no access to learning but I’ve got 2 OCs in the Pandora world.

Tsu’nayi is a genuine mix between a Na’vi and a human. I got it to theoretically work out if the dna is compatible even if the… natural way doesn’t work. But bottom line she’s a “failed experiment bc the scientists in charge somehow managed to flip the lung intake system so instead of a human dying when trying to breathe on Pandora, she’s suffocating when trying to breathe oxygen. Her name is derived from her experiment number: 293 (at least they’re similar.) Someone else decided to nickname her Tsu’nayi bc it’s similar sounding to tsunami bc Tsunami was typical, but taking out the ‘m’ is so much better! (Lol)

The next one is Kai’ne (I honestly pronounce it ‘Cane’). His I got from a Navi name generator and made a little backstory to make it plausible as well. He was called Adam bc he was the first of his kind. Some lady got her DNA sent in to have an avatar created and she didn’t find out she was pregnant till later. When the first mind link thing happened, the baby was connected as well and the mom died somehow (cause TBD) but the baby could now flip physically between his human and Na’vi form. However it is to be said that the Na’vi form usually shows in like life or death situations, but he could control it as time went on. After escaping from the scientists during one of the last raids before the 15 year time of peace, he changed his name to Kai’ne as a kind of way to “kill his former self.”

I’m honestly just curious if those names are grammatically correct or if there’s a more accurate name to call them. Any advice would be appreciated tho!

Hello! Spelling-wise both those names are valid, though Kai'ne would not be pronounced "cane". If you want that pronunciation, you'd have to spell it Keyn.

As for how the spelling "Kai'ne" would be pronounced, there's some mild flexibility depending on which syllable you want to stress (you get to pick, since it's a name you're making up).

Here's what the different options would sound like, followed by a version without the tìftang (Kaine) so you can hear the difference there (making this point because it's a common beginner mistake; the apostrophe DOES make a pronunciation difference!):

[KA][i'][ne] -> [ka][I'][ne] -> [ka][i'][NE] [KA][i][ne] -> [ka][I][ne] -> [ka][i][NE]

For fun here's how Tsu'nayi sounds as well. You can change the stress on this one too, though based on the comparison to "tsunami" I'm assuming the stress is on the second syllable. There's also a bit of ambiguity on whether nayi breaks down to [na][yi] or [nay][i]--it's a subtle difference but it's there, so I did both versions, and again a sans-tìftang version (Tsunayi) for the sake of hearing the difference:

[tsu'][NA][yi] -> [tsu'][NAY][i] [tsu][NA][yi] -> [tsu][NAY][i]

For more information on the Na'vi alphabet/pronunciation and syllable structure, try these videos!

youtube

There are lots of freely available resources like these for learning Na'vi if that's something you're interested in! If that's not something you really want to do right now that's totally fine, but if it is something you want and the only problem is accessibility, there's plenty of good free resources out there, you simply need to know where to find them :) I'd be happy to help you out there if you'd like!

#lì'fya leNa'vi

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toru771 · 1 year

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Happy Halloween, everyone! To mark the occasion, I thought I’d share something I’ve been working on. You may be aware that years ago, I made a page where I translated the Japanese lyrics for POTO. (Link is below.) I’ve been meaning to update it with some corrections and fixes, and may move it to Tumblr because of some issues I’ve had with Weebly since making the page.

But recently, I learned that in the time since the show reopened in Japan after the pandemic, those in charge have made some changes to the lyrics and other aspects of the show to bring Japan’s production more in line with those in London and the US. I got an audio bootleg from Masked Lion and spent some time over the last couple of weeks listening to it and noting the changes I could identify.

Recording from January 17, 2021; Tokyo, Japan

Cast: Yuta Iwaki, Sae Yamamoto, Susumu Kato, Aya Kawamura, Koichi Taira, Morito Masuda, Kimura Chiaki, Atsuto Yamada, Mariko Gosho

(info from Glass Prism)

My notes (far too many for your taste?)

- Auctioneer sounds more dramatic than in other performances

- Added a “Saa!” (“Now!” or “Here!”) at the end of the Prologue

- Overture is using the new track

- Reyer still insists on “Romu” (which doesn’t mean anything) over “Roma” (which is correct)

- Counterpoint in the “Hannibal” chorus when they start singing again after the ballet/instrumental seems to be missing

- Key change in ToM is now D-F like in all other productions; Japan had kept it as D-Eb (like the OLC album and early West End performances) for their whole run before Covid

- Christine seems more staccato on some notes in ToM

- Phantom still says “Bravi”/“Bravissimi” before AoM

- Phantom is more mocking on “brave young suitor” than usual — Ethan/Brad influence?

- Chorus added to title song — lyrics are “A world hidden in darkness… That is the Phantom of the Opera”

- IHBY - Watashi ga (instead of wa)? Grammatically iffy; probably a flub

- Extra timpani on “long to be” — live orchestra?

- Orchestra mostly at the usual (somewhat fast) tempo for Japanese MOTN, but slower in last instrumental break?

- Music box kept slow, unlike London/Bway/restaged

- Phantom a bit ahead of the beat in “Damn you” section of STYDI

- Magical Lasso — lines rearranged (description of Phantom first, then avoiding being caught)

- Changed line for “In which case I think our meeting is adjourned,” and possibly for Firmin’s spoken part reading Phantom’s note

- Slower tempo for first verse of “Prima Donna”

- Slower tempo for first part of “Poor Fool…” and in the ballet

- Rather Earl-like laugh after Buquet’s hanging

- Restaged orchestrations for “But his voice filled my spirit…”

- Sound effects make it seem like they did something like the restaged or new London version for the chandelier drop?

- Gets rather slow in the instrumental break for Masquerade

- Need to go over “Madame Giry’s Tale” in older boots to see if anything was changed

- Chaotic bit in Notes 2 doesn’t get as fast… I liked that it did in the older versions

- “Twisted Every Way” is slower, which I *am* glad for

- Christine says “I can’t do it,” orchestra transition is like the restaged version

- “Hide your sword now, wounded knight” bit in DJT Rehearsal may be changed?

- POTO reprise before graveyard changed to original title song lyrics

- WYWSHA second verse changed, somewhat flipped the lines

- Second “help me say goodbye” added

- “Wandering Child” now a trio; Raoul’s lines added

- Intro and many sections of “Don Juan” performance sound quite slow

- Some laughter added for Piangi and Passarino

- PONR slower, more like other productions’ tempos

- Kokoro *mo* kimeta wa? (“My heart has *also* decided”)

- Good tentative emotion from Phantom in AIAOY reprise after PONR

- Phantom yells “Naze? Naze da?” (“Why? Why?”) instead of singing “Naze kou na no da?” (“Why does it have to be this way?”)

- “Track Down This Murderer” after Raoul’s dive starts quite slow, gets faster

- Octave jump in “it’s in your soul…” brought back

- Phantom’s reply to Raoul in

- now “Nasake nado shiranai (“I don’t know compassion” instead of “I don’t have compassion”)

- “Sou, mohaya modorenai” — last “We’ve passed the point of no return” in Final Lair is changed

- “Make your choice” shouted rather than sung

- Slow drumbeat

- “Go now…” shouted rather than sung

- Mistake from the brass in MOTN section of playout

Cheers!

- Toru771

#POTO Japan #lyric translation #the phantom of the opera #phantom of the opera #poto

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maddybrittelli · 2 months

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Original Content Writing #2

What does your writing process look like when you text a friend?

My writing process while texting is extremely different from writing an essay. First, after reading their text message to me, I will think of a reply in my head. As I am thinking I type out each word and make a sentence. Then I read back over the sentence to make sure it looks right and is grammatically correct. After fixing all of my errors I then read back over it again one more time before I send it. Usually I am very informal while texting my friends, so my sentences do not take much work to think of and write.

#writ318mu #week3

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roleplayacc2020-blog · 3 months

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The Big Marvel Roleplay Request Thread

Hello all! I hope anyone and everyone reading this is having a good day in our crazy reality. Below you can find a little about me, my writing style, and how I approach writing. Feel free to peruse, and if you think we'd be a good match, let me know!

You can call me T! I go by he/him pronouns. I prefer Discord (Or Here) as the platform we write on, and my availability is at least once a week and more. I'm always open to communicating with my partners and letting them reply when possible. I typically aim for 200-300 words in a reply. I usually don't go lower than two hundred. Unless it's more of a back of forth dialogue type thing. Details are super important to me from my partner, so I do my best to give them myself.

I run my replies through Grammarly before I post them (including these request posts!), so at the very least, I hope my post is grammatically correct (*chuckle*). I write in the third person/past tense style and ask that my partner does the same; this is a requirement for writing with me. What I look for regarding my partner is someone that gets invested in a story, likes putting details in, and is open to the idea of adult themes and content enhancing a story and romance and not being a detriment to the work. I enjoy writing erotica and feel it enhances the narrative.

I'm looking for someone who feels the same way. In return, I put a lot into my stories and ideas to make them as thrilling and engaging as possible.

I can't stress that enough. I'm looking for partners interested in crafting a long-term story, world-building, and don't shy away from the adult aspects.I put a lot of work into my writing, and this is both a hobby and a passion for me. Even if I primarily do fandom writing, these characters are significant to me. If you're the type to ghost more often than not, please think twice about messaging me and wasting my time.

Please note this story will have adult content and be NSFW. I don't do Fade To black and I do want romance in these stories.

All Characters Are Eighteen Years Of Age Or Older

-__-

Popular Pairings

Reed Richards (Mr.Fantastic)/Sue Storm (Invisible Woman)

Peter Parker (Spider-Man)/Mary Jane Watson (Spinerett)

Peter Parker (Spider-Man)/ Felicia Hardy (Black Cat)

Logan Howlett (The Wolverine)/Ororo Monroe (Storm)

Thor Odinson (Thor)/Brunhilde (Valkyrie)

Hank Pym (Ant Man)/Janet Van Dyne (Wasp)

Scott Lang (Ant Man 2)/Hope Van Dyne (Wasp 2)

Vision/Wanda Maximoff (Scarlet Witch)

Remy LeBeau (Gambit)/Anna Marie (Rogue)

Luke Cage (Power Man)/Jessica Jones

Scott Summers (Cyclops)/Jean Gray (Marvel Girl)

Peter Quill (Star Lord)/Kitty Pryde (Shadow Cat)

Doctor Stephen Strange/Clea

Matt Murdock (Daredevil)/Elektra

Natasha Romanoff (Black Widow)/Bruce Banner (Hulk)

Steve Rogers (Captain America)/Sharon Carter

Clint Barton (Hawkeye)/Bobbi Morse (Mockingbird)

Lesser Known

Tyrone Johnson (Cloak) /Tandy Bowen (Dagger)

Flash Thompson (Agent Venom)/Felicia Hardy (Black Cat)

Hank McCoy (Beast)/Abigail Brand

Madelyne Pryor (Goblin Queen)/Alex Summer (Havok)

Marc Spector (Moon Knight/ Greer Grant Nelson (Tigra)

Nico Robin (Sister Grim)/Megan Gwynn (Pixie)

Genderbends

Steve Rogers (Captain America)/Fem Tony (Iron Woman)

Fem Steve (Captain America)/Male Tony (Iron Man)

Wild Cards

Otto Octavius (Superior Spider-Man)/Felicia Hardy (Black Cat)

X-23/ Flash Thompson (Agent Venom)

Nick Fury/Maria Hill

Miles Morales (Spider-Man)/Cindy Moon (Silk)

Jennifer Walters (She Hulk) /Matt Murdock (Daredevil)

America Chavez/Ramone Watts (Alloy)

Cassie Lang (Stature)/Nathanial Richards (Iron Lad)

Open Pairings (No Specific Person)

Jennifer Walters (She Hulk)/Open

Pietro Maximoff (Quicksilver)/Open

Carol Danvers (Captain Marvel)/Open

Billy Maximoff (Wiccan)/Open (Female Pairings)

Tommy Maximoff (Speed)/Open (Female Pairings)

Robbie Reyes (Ghost Rider)/Open

#18+ content #roleplay ad #roleplay request #rprequest #1x1 roleplay #discord rp #rp request #canon rp #marvel roleplay

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wangan · 1 year

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human translation vs. machine translation

Ever since I was a kid I would read pirated Japanese comics which were back then scanned and translated and posted online on sites like onemanga or mangafox (sites which I believe are dead now? God this ages me), and I’ve been exposed to various qualities of scanlations. Back then the scan game wasn’t as polished and far from perfect, and resources for getting into such an endeavor were not as accessible as they are now.

We’ve made technological advances that have enabled more people to enter the scanlation game, for example, with e-books being available online, higher quality raws can be acquired without the backbreaking work of scanning page by page and then color correcting them. Photoshop and other photo editing tools offer more flexibility and convenience, such as registering actions so you can color correct pages with the press of a single button, clean text boxes, and typeset speech bubbles beautifully. Language resources, such as dictionaries, online translators, and other reference material, flood the internet. But that is my one main gripe. I hate machine translation.

As a person who speaks possibly 3 languages, with an additional 2 that help me barely get by, I understand the various complexities of language and the effort it takes to learn them. Not only that, but I have been scanlating/fansubbing since around 2012, even when my language skills were non-existent, and I had no idea how to even use Photoshop. My experience with barely knowing Japanese and still trying to translate a 5minute clip gives me enough reason to know why you should not be scanlating when you barely know the language you’re translating from.

I am extremely against people who use machine translation (mtl) to translate comics and then share them online with people who are going to take these as generally correct (or even canon). I doubt half the people who read comics are critically thinking about how much effort it takes to first translate, then rewrite/edit, and then typeset so comics are legible and aesthetically pleasing.

I will keep it brief by highlighting that depending on your degree of fluency in the languages you are translating to and from, you will never get as close as 100% of the original author’s intent. If you are only relying on mtl without any base knowledge of how the language you’re translating from works at all, you will lose so much context, so many cultural tidbits. Let’s use Japanese to English as an example, because this is what’s most rampant in the communities I (try not to) engage with.

While I will accept that DeepL is very good for what it does, when you insert text into it, you lose all the context of the surrounding scene that is painted by the images around it. That is manga. That is comics. You must appreciate the entirety of the artwork, not isolate it as single speechbubbles. You cannot use Google translate to work on entire volumes, chapters, and bubbles, of dialogue. You need some grammatical and cultural awareness of the language you are translating to and from.

At best, with mtl, you are an editor. A writer? You may compose the most beautiful English prose there is, but what’s the use when you are not communicating the author’s original intent? To be more nitpicky with an example, Japanese is a pro-drop language. They can omit pronouns, which is something that doesn’t happen in English. As a result, if you insert a sentence with no pronouns to mtl, you will most likely get the wrong pronoun! You need context!

I feel so sad and disappointed by people who think it’s okay to mtl and then edit the text and perhaps? make it make sense? Sometimes the dialogues are so jarringly off that I have no idea what the characters are trying to say, and how that even relates to the pictures I’m seeing! I hate seeing translator’s or editor’s notes that read: “I don’t really know what x meant by that, sorry.” or “I don’t know what this means.” Sometimes people don’t even understand the jokes or pop culture references that are being made, when even I can detect them in the English “translation”! Don’t be SORRY. Be ASHAMED of yourself. I’VE BEEN TAUGHT TOO, WHEN I WAS “TRANSLATING” A SERIES I WAS WILDLY OUT OF MY DEPTH FOR, THAT I WAS WRONG. Since you are using mtl, who the hell is telling you that you’re wrong? Where’s the feedback?! Does the software give you alternative translations?!

Don’t get me wrong, I use mtl and online dictionaries as crutches too. Every translator does use at least some resources. This is not shameful. But I understand the grammatical rules Japanese abides by, and I understand the content I’m reading! I’ll use a dictionary or mtl to translate a word or chunk that I genuinely don’t understand (such as yojijukugo or other expressions), and then rework them so they make sense with the context I’m given! If I’m unsure, I’ll go ask someone who speaks the language! Or look it up further online! Translation cannot take you just 10 minutes! It takes hours! This isn’t just reading, it is communicating.

There are many other aspects of scanlation/fansubbing that annoy me so incredibly much, but I won’t touch upon those in this post. The bottom line is that scanlation is a set of skills that don’t just boil down to translation, but arguably, translation is the most important of them all, supported and uplifted by all the other skills. I wish I had an editor.

There is a certain degree of responsibility you must accept if you are to be a translator. Please remind yourself that you are the one spreading your version of canon to whoever reads your translation. Be responsible. Be better. Don’t machine translate.

Disclaimer: I would never claim myself to be fluent in Japanese because I am not. I am still in the process of learning (even English), but those who use mtl and refuse to learn or engage with the language(s) they are translating... You are deplorable.

Also I have a BA in linguistics and an MA in bilingualism.

#translation #scanlation #blog

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mugenrobloxunofficial · 2 years

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Intro Post (INACTIVE)

(ooc) this is a little blog i made for a series of roblox games i like from the roblox group M U G E N. MUGEN makes surreal games that sometimes include elements of horror and i have loved these dumb lil games for years. this blog lets me post my artworks i make about it, and just lets me ramble like an insane man when i need or want to

this account is played out like some unknown person or one of the characters from mugen is speaking. so i guess its kinda like a rp account then? the main 3 characters that are like posting n shit are Cheeky, Smug Sun and occasionally Mirrorman. its kinda hard to tell whos who sometimes though

if it's responding to someone, like a question or submitted post , it will hint in the tags who is responding

cheeky will mostly Type Like This or all caps and only those 2 ways of typing

smug sun will occasionally type like that but will use more grammatically correct typing most times or will hint its him by using the tag #mugen rambles

mirrorman will be all lowercase

okay now about me (the mod) but only the important parts. you can call me lemon, i use he/him and i am a minor. enjoy the bullshit

this account does not affiliate nor support the owner of M U G E N known as GuyFromBoston/XijQL/MUGEN. i fully separate him from his work and want nothing to do with the drama. this is purely for fun and so i can post my art and edits for these games.

#mugen #roblox mugen #roblox #intro post

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krunalmisal · 2 years

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AI Writing Software Of 2022

Here’s a quick AI writing software buying guide for you, but then you can read further for more info.

We all produce online content. Some of us only compose emails, texts, or posts on social media. Some of us create the text that appears on our websites, in product descriptions, advertisements, and even customer support.

Software that can write content for you includes AI writing software. Tools for writing articles, books, blogs, and other types of content are provided by an AI-powered writing assistant. These are merely a few advantages of using AI writing tools.

You can expand your toolbox by incorporating AI writing.

If you've ever used an AI writing tool, you are aware of how useful they can be. But you also realise that they won't soon take the place of true human intelligence.

No, AI won't rob you of your job. It helps you maximise your work. By incorporating AI writing software into your content creation process, you can use AI technology to simplify and increase your productivity. Therefore, you have come to the right place if you are wondering “Why should I use AI writing tool?”.

What Are The Best AI Software Tools?

The best AI writing tools are listed below. I'll give you an overview of each, highlighting its key attributes, cost, and conclusion. It is entirely up to you and your needs to determine how to find the best AI copywriting tool. I hope you find this buying guide for AI writing tools useful!

1. Rytr: Best For Beginners

Rytr is a content writing platform that uses artificial intelligence to create content for you. Rytr's algorithms are trained on historical data to produce unique and compelling articles with the appropriate tone and style, as well as grammatically correct articles.

Rytr's AI writing assistant will complete your article in less than an hour, with no human intervention required.

Features

Content generation is made easy and quick with character count, word count, and tone checker.

Plagiarism check makes sure you have the highest quality of content.

Grammar check for your article to make it professional-level.

Discover what works best for your idea by generating content from our vast library of more than 2,000 ideas.

Personalize your content with a professional touch using Form Generator.

Rytr.me login to save your work tasks

Pricing

Free Plan

Saver Plan: $9/month; $90/year (Get 2 months free!)

Unlimited Plan: $29/month; $290/year (Get 2 months free!)

Bottom Line

Rytr is a writing app that helps people write more quickly. It's an excellent tool for bloggers and content creators who need to produce a large number of articles. Rytr also allows users to search for article ideas or even write them in real time.

The flaw is that Ryter does not have “recipes” like Jasper. Jasper gives you more granular control over the AI output. If you're looking for a story writing ai, Ryter is great, but Jasper has more power.

ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED ON https://krunalmisal.com

#artificial intelligence #AITOOLS #ai

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xkotaro16w · 2 years

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grrararararrarafafzfscsgd ugh🏃🏽‍♀️

What would Leona do if when i sleep next to him and unconsciously play with his hair,like twirling it around my fingers and poke his cheek 🙊🙊

—𝟸𝟻0+ 𝙵𝚘𝚕𝚕𝚘𝚠𝚎𝚛𝚜 𝙴𝚟𝚎𝚗𝚝—

CW: Fluff, grammatical error, OOC.

A/N: UIEHAFKJFAJKFAF CUTE AF- (〃 ω 〃) BELIEVE ME HE REALIZES U DO THAT 2 HIM BUT HE PREFERS 2 SHUT UP JFBAMSFBAKJWFBAFAFM (୨୧• ꒳ •)=:♡

What a peaceful and gorgeous moment. You are in Leona’s arms, sleeping next to each other. Let us correct it again, sleeping and cuddling. He’s sleeping, you’re just laying down and cuddling to him.

Look at the exotic face he has. Gosh, such a beauty. You are distracted by his attractive face, not only face but body as well and subconsciously play with his hair. He doesn’t mind that AT ALL!

It makes his sleep more soundly. Only a soft snore you hear from him when you play his hair and twirl it. Now that’s very cute of him. He’s not upset by it, Leona’s already used to you doing that thing to his hair.

However, there’s one move that makes him slightly open his eyelids, which is when you poke his cheek. You may look at his face, but don’t annoy him, herbivore. He feels a soft finger pokes his cheek and makes him his eyes slightly open.

Oh, so it’s you. What are you doing? He looks at you in a little bit of annoyance and his arms become tighter around your body. Do you think he tells you with words not to disturb his nap? No. The only thing he does is let out a grunt. A deep, soft grunt. And just like that, he falls back asleep. What a cute lion!

I DO NOT OWN TWISTED WONDERLAND & DO NOT REPOST MY WORKS.

#leona kingscholar #leona kingscholar x reader #leona #leona x reader #twisted wonderland #twst #twisted wonderland x reader #twst x reader #twisted wonderland imagines #twst imagines #disney twisted wonderland #kotaro's work #kotaro's event #kotaro’s mutual #salmon

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meichenxi · 2 years

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Classical Chinese Lesson 2: Subject-predicate vs topic-comment structure in modern Mandarin

This is written for my Classical Chinese series, but focuses on modern Mandarin! So you don’t need to be following that series to get something out of it :D

(As ever, I am learning. If you see a mistake, please point it out and I will change it!)

A knowledge of what is the topic and what is the comment is hugely helpful in reading Classical Chinese, but before looking at our first stencils: let’s have a look at what those words actually mean. First, though, we need to talk about English grammar so we can understand just how Classical Chinese differs so much.

Subject + predicate structure

The syntax (way a sentence is put together) of English and other Indo-European languages in its most basic form can be summed up as subject + predicate. Very oversimplified, that's the pronoun/noun/whatever that is doing the verb, and then everything else. So:

[I] am supposed to be learning Korean.

[My dog] ate my homework.

[Me and my pocket Discord friends] watched all 12 hours of Lord of the Rings.

[The professor in the tweed jacket] accused me of plagiarism.

The thing in the brackets is the subject, and everything else is the predicate. The predicate can be made up of loads of stuff: a verb (watched), an object (all 12 hours of Lord of the Rings) or even a sort of equals relationship (I = supposed to be learning Korean). It can also be relatively simple (I) or relatively complex (the professor in the tweed jacket).

I said above that the subject as the thing doing the verb is oversimplified, and that's because things can get a bit more complicated than that. Look at the following sentences.

[The homework] was eaten by the dog.

[The film] scared my step-sister.

[He] is twenty-six.

[It] rained.

In the first sentence who is doing the verb? Well, the dog. The dog's eating the homework - the homework isn't doing anything, it's just sitting there being eaten. It's the dog that is doing something, but the homework is still the subject of our sentence. How do I know? 1) Because it's in 'subject position', which in English is the first position, and 2) because we could say 'the homework was eaten' and that still makes sense - 'by the dog' is extra information. That’s. That’s still confusing.

The second sentence probably seems very normal. But when you think about it a bit more: the film isn't doing anything. It's just existing. My step-sister is the one who is feeling fear, and who is scared by it - that's really all on her, not on the film. Some languages treat these types of verbs and subjects differently to the other ones above.

In the third sentence, 'is' really works just like an equals sign. It doesn't mean 'to exist' in the same way that it does in the sentence 'I think, therefore I am'. It just means he = twenty-six.

In the fourth sentence: what rained? The sky? What rained??? What is going on???

The notion of the subject in English is so important that even when there is no subject, we have to put one in. So we can't just say 'rained'. We have to put in a dummy subject pronoun, 'it', to make the grammatically correct 'it rained'. The sentence does not work without it.

The reason I'm drawing your attention to this is because all of these different types of subjects are actually doing very different things. If you were to draw a syntax tree for all the last four sentences, they'd be very different. But they are all completely necessary in English. You can get rid of any other part of the sentence if you do a bit of linguistic gymnastics: if you look at the dog example, you can say 'The homework was eaten'. But we cannot get rid of the subject.

(For all you astute people out there: this is why in linguistics we make a distinction between the agent [the thing actually doing the verb in the world regardless of the sentence structure], the patient [the thing in the real world that has the verb done to it], and the subject [the thing that takes the place of a subject in a sentence, regardless of whether it is experiencing the verb, doing it, being done to, or whatever else]. How languages order these doesn't always match up to what we're used to in English.)

NB: the subject in subject-predicate languages does not always have to be overt. In languages like Spanish or Italian that have very sexy inflectional morphology, you don't need to add the subject because the verb conjugation makes it extremely clear who is doing what. So I don't need to say yo tengo calor, literally 'I have heat' = 'I am hot', I can just say tengo calor, because tengo HAS to be 'I'. It can't be any other pronoun, because the verbs would conjugate differently. These languages are called pro-drop languages. This just means they are completely chill with not having an overt subject all the time. It does not mean, however, that they are not subject-predicate languages. They are.

The way that Classical Chinese is structured is completely different from this. Let's look at this now!

Topic + comment structure

In many languages, the biggest division in the sentence and the most basic is not subject + everything else, but rather the topic of the sentence and a comment on that topic. This is the case in Classical Chinese, and much of Modern Chinese too. It's also the case and much clearer because of particles in Korean and Japanese (though I don't have as in-depth a knowledge of those languages, so please take what I say with a pinch of salt).

What does that actually mean?

First, you establish the topic. The topic is whatever you are talking about. Let's take the example of the homework. The homework is what is important: it's what you're explaining to your teacher. So the sentence would be like:

As for my homework...the dog ate it.

'As for my homework' is the topic, and 'the dog ate it' is the comment. If you wanted to be even more specific, you could say 'As for my homework, it was the case that my dog ate it.'

This is an incredibly flexible sentence structure, because it enables us to place whatever we want to talk about at the beginning of the sentence. You can see that a lot of the examples above that have different orders in English can be simplified in this order:

As for me, I'm supposed to be learning Korean.

As for my sister, she was scared by the film.

As for last night, we watched all 12 hours of LOTR.

You can see pretty quickly, however, that some of these sentences can be changed to give emphasis to different parts. Let's take the Discord LOTR sentence:

As for last night, we watched all 12 hours of LOTR. > the topic is 'last night'. This is perhaps answering the question 'What did you do last night?' or maybe talking about what you did on many evenings, and then specifying 'But last night, we did this.'

As for all 12 hours of LOTR, we watched them last night. > here the topic is different. Now we're talking about LOTR! Maybe somebody was talking about those films, and we added that we watched them last night. Or maybe - because the function of these topic-comment sentences is often to stress or provide contrast in some way - we watched some other film on Thursday, but LOTR (not any other film, LOTR) last night.

As for me and my Discord friends, we watched all 12 hours of LOTR last night > now the topic is me and my Discord friends! So maybe some other people watched some other film or did something else, and we want to say: ok, but this is what we did.

You can see that this topic-comment structure is hugely flexible, and allows for a lot of nuance that is expressed differently in the language in question. There’s a lot more to it in Classical Chinese, Japanese and Korean - a lot more nuances - but that’s enough for our purposes, since modern Chinese doesn’t mark the topic and comment explicitly.

Topic-comment in modern Chinese

One of the most common mistakes learners (learners = me) make is following the subject-predicate structure too closely, because it’s not something people are really usually told about. Like many things in Chinese grammar, it appears superficially similar to English and other European languages - so similar that at the beginning you just go, ok, cool, these are the same. But despite superficial similarities the two languages structure information in fundamentally different ways. A lack of understanding of this difference will create Chinese that, no matter how great your tones are and how wide your vocabulary is, probably doesn’t sound very natural.

The most wonderful (most annoying) thing about the topic-comment structure is that you don't have to specify the topic if it's already clear. 下雨了- what’s raining? It doesn’t really matter. 都挺好 - I don’t need to specify 我们都挺好 / 他们都挺好. If the topic is clear - and the topic and the grammatical subject are often the same thing - you can just drop it. This is clearest of course in languages like Korean and Japanese where you have specific particles marking the topic and/or the subject but I'm not really qualified to talk about those - and it also applies to Chinese. (Actually, you can drop pretty much anything that is already clear in Chinese.) This is how you end up with sentences in Chinese that are structured like this:

TOPIC + COMMENT + COMMENT + COMMENT + COMMENT + COMMENT + ...

and so on. These sentences are notoriously hard to translate to English, because the topic or subject isn't repeated in each clause. This type of structure is very common in longer essays or literature.

You’ll also see this all the time in more natural speech. If you want to translate a sentence like ‘I don’t think that what he said at the meeting yesterday was very appropriate’, you could say something like ‘I don’t think [he yesterday at the meeting said DE speech] was very appropriate’, but a more natural translation might be like ‘what he said yesterday at the meeting, I don’t think it was very appropriate’. Let’s find some random examples from Baidu (I’ve searched for 关于 because it’ll give us the right kind of complex sentence):

要讲关于自己的问题，对我来说并不容易 = lit. ‘want to talk about my own problems, to me it’s not easy at all’ > Talking about my own problems doesn’t come easily to me.

关于这份工作你有进一步的消息吗？= lit. ‘about this job, do you have further information?’ > Have you had any more information about the job yet?

昨晚关于印度的那个节目你看了没有？= lit. ‘yesterday about India that program, have you watched?’ > Did you see that program on India last night?

关于我们的决定，下周你会接到通知 = lit. ‘about our decision, next week you will receive notification’ > ‘You should receive notification of our decision in the next week’

You can see in all of these examples that the topic of the sentence - talking about my own probelms, this job, that program about India last night, our decision - comes first, followed by the comment. Even if simple modern Chinese sentences like 我喜欢你 ‘I like you’ don’t appear to follow the topic-comment structure as strictly as Japanese or Korean sentences, that’s mainly because of a lack of particles. More complex sentences are more likely to be structured like the above.

Even simpler sentences can be structured in this way. All of these are from Chinese Grammar Wiki (you’d expect commas in writing):

不好意思，咖啡我都喝完了 - lit. ‘sorry, coffee I have finished drinking’

票还有吗？- lit. ‘tickets are there any still?’

这个问题, 你一个人没办法解决 - lit. ’this problem you can’t solve alone’

那部电影, 看过的人都喜欢 - lit. ‘this film the people who watched it all liked’

他的事，我不想管那么多 - lit. ‘his business, I don’t want to be so involved’

These are all very natural sentences, and they all follow the topic-comment structure! Even if it’s not as clear as Japanese or Korean, this is key to sounding natural as second language learners of Chinese.

It’s also *drumroll* incredibly important for Classical Chinese, which follows this structure much more closely than the modern language.

Next time: how to mark topic-comment in Classical Chinese using particles, and what happens when the particles (woe unto me, you, etc) do not behave as they should! Because. Come on guys what did you expect.

加油！

- 梅晨曦

#chinese #chinese langblr #chinese studyblr #learn chinese #study chinese #I'll go through and sort out tags and stuff later idk idk #once again I had another post but it appears this is long enough!! and why not

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