#and i was a dumb 14 year old. and i was not a good friend. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

nyx-is-missing · 4 months

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hello! Can you write a Clarisse La Rue x reader where they met before Clarisse got sent to camp halfblood when they were little and were best friends then Clarisse left for camp with no explanation then years later reader goes to camp and sees Clarisse for the first time in years and it’s kinda awkward but cute

thanks :)

This is kinda long sooorrry, to help, the part where she gets to camp (kinda) will be in green

Girls on film 📷

Clarrise la rue x fem!reader

Warnings and explanations: bad words (take the kids out of the living room she swears) gender is specified cause it was written as wlw, but it doenst actually makes a diference, fluff, like two sentences, there is a kiss in the picture but they dont actually kiss sorry.

Unspecified parent gender for both sides so yall can pick wichever

Trying not to kill myself.

That was what i was doing 15 hours ago, just as any normal teenagers living (or as i prefer saying fighting for the soul to stay on the body) during finals week.

In my room there was nothing but piles and piles of normal work, piles for extra credit, piles of old quizzes to try to get me prepared for the new ones and a dumb incomplete project for photography class that was due tomorrow.

Okay ill admit, i had a month to make that, and all i needed to do was shoot pictures, but that was the problem, i prefer taking pictures of people, their emotions, whatever they might be, just never ceases to amaze me.

And my dumb project made take pictures of....landscapes.

Not too bad, if i had any actual real talent for that type of photography, but i dont, every picture gets ruined somehow, its the lightning, the lack of it, my camera falls, gets full of dirt and i get so mad that i just give up.

That whole speach was necessary for me to explain what i was doing 14 hours ago, and that would explain what i was doing 5 minutes ago.

14 hours ago i decided to shoot the photos, i could try many times before it got dark, and if o was lucky enough i wouldnt go insane before the golden hour, and could actually get some nice pictures.

I grabbed my totte bag taking with me only the necessary, camera stuff, the camera, some snacks and my notebook to upload the pictures before i went mad.

13 hours ago i was running to save my life.

And do you know that moment went you go through so much your mind decides to erase it?

That happened, now, what i do remember, i was sitting in a bench by a calm road not too far from the town, i had got some actually good pictures, some of me, some of the trees, some of a butterfly, maybe three cars had passed by since i was there, driving slowly, always saying hi and doing a thumbs up, normal, friendly people from the town.

And then i heard a noise that shook the trees.

I remember seeing something, but never what, i remember running to home as fast as i could, feeling my heartbeats in my neck, i remember the noise, but the people in the streets looked at me like there was nothing behind me and i went crazy

I remember getting home, having a desperate talk with my parent while they got my suiticase ready, and i dont remember a single word.

I remember a funny looking guy my age that got to my house, with goat legs and a more desperate look, and i remember one last hug before i left.

And thats all, aside from a hell of a lot of running nobody cares.

Aparently i passed out from shock or exaustion because i woke up in a unknown place, at night, in a hospital bed, with no actual doctors other than 15 year olds teenagers.

And a horseman standing in the corner, with quite a intelectual look actually.

And let me tell you guys that after the talk we had, if somebody told me i would marry queen Elizabeth within 4 days, i would just belived it.

Because nothing ever in my life would ACTUALLY beat up the level of crazyness of finding out i DO have another parent, they are just, A FUCKING GOD. GREEK. GODS. AH.

Then, after telling me my whole life was in fact, a big fat lie, the horseman... left.

Telling me i should sleep in the infirmary this night for precaution and that he was going to get me to a cabin tomorrow.

Like that was the most normal thing to ever happen to a human, he said goodnight and left.

While i sat there just trying to...basically form a sentence that wasnt "for fucks sake what the fuck was that"

I would have loved to say that i did slept that night, dreaming about glory and greek myths but that did not happened, at all.

I walked around the infirmary for hours, opening every cabinet and trying to make my mind to something, i searched for my stuff, and thankfully found my camera, with some pictures i hadnt noticed i had taken, one specific had a blurred thing in the forest.

When the first rays of sunlight appeared i got dressed, and decided that, in order to prove to myself (and probably to the mental hospital afterwards) i was not insane, i needed proof that i was actually living, actually there, being a demigodess, thats what they called.

Very few people were up already, and i did received some weird looks, it was clear nobody knew me, that was fine, i didnt knew anybody either.

I walked around taking some pictures, sometimes getting lost, but everything amazed me, the forest, the cabins, the stables, i found the entrance to a beach too, and then i got to the training area, aparently, i stayed far away, god forbid i woke up from this nightmare with a spear in my head, oh no, that would be bad.

Openning my camera i zoomed in the people, my speciality, it was sweet, seeing them trully smile, and not pretend for the picture, it was a genuine feeling the camera would keep forever, i zoomed around other peoples faces, but my camera focused on a face i could never forget, and she looked back at me, and realized i was there, but not that i was me, because she came towards me with a angry look.

Ill admit, the look scared me as hell, so much i tried to pretend i was never taking pictures of her, i slightly changed the angle and kept my face hidden behind the camera.

Do i need to say that did not fucking worked? No? Thank you.

"Who the fuck do you think you are taking random pictures of pe-"

She yanked my camera off of me mid sentence and stopped completely, looking like she had seen a ghost for some seconds.

"(Y/n)?"

"Clari?"

"How- what are you doing here!?"

She asked, with a worried look, still kind of confused, she did this look since we were little girls, and for a moment i had a big deja vu.

Two little girls running around, playing all day, telling each other secrets and stories, running to hug each other eveytime they were close, i still saw that girl in her eyes, but by her previous look, she did not.

"What am i doing here? What are YOU doing here? One day you dissapear without a trace, and your family said you went to a new school even though it was the summer, and now i find you sparring with a spear? You are that too? A demigoddes, i mean?"

I spoke fast, nervous, as if my time in the world with her would end just as it did once.

Instead of responding me right away, clarisse did something that maybe would scare every single soul she knew in the past years.

She hugged me. Hard.

Breathing me in, and not letting me go exactly as you would expect of someone who hasnt seen me in years.

"I couldnt tell you anything... it wouldnt be safe...im sorry, i missed my friend... i missed you."

I just looked at her for some seconds, and then hugged her again, this time i was the one making it extra tight, i was the one going insane by the reconforting smell of her shampoo, praying that she couldnt feel my heartbeats against her chest, and how strong they were.

"Just.. dont leave me again okay? And ill forgive you, i promisse"

#fanfic #lesbian #clarisse la rue x reader #clarisse pjo #pjo tv show #pjo series #pjo #clarisse la rue

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monstersandbrothers · 6 days

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i’m sure someone’s had this exact thought before but i can’t stop thinking about 18 year old dean seeing 14 year old sam staying at home every night, no friends, just generally being a loner and it hurts his heart because sam is so cool and smart and funny and why can’t anyone else see that? why does he hide himself away?

but now they’re in high school together, so dean drags sam to a party one weekend even though sam whines about not wanting to go the whole way there because “everyone’s just gonna think i’m dumb and boring, they’re gonna think i’m a baby” and dean reassures him, “come on sammy, you don’t even have to talk to anyone, just come and have fun, i’ll be with you the whole time” but then his plan backfires immediately because everyone at the party is suddenly obsessed with dean’s sweet kid brother, all shy and he can’t hold his liquor and it’s all just so adorable, the girls can’t keep their hands off him and dean just goes a little bit insane with jealousy and territorialism. he grabs sam and drags him back to the car and now sam’s pouty because he was starting to actually enjoy himself, the attention felt good, and “we’ve only been here an hour, dean!” but dean doesn’t care, “we’re leaving, sam, this party’s fuckin’ lame” and sam’s like “this was YOUR idea, you’re the one who said i was antisocial” and dean’s just white-knuckling the steering wheel trying to keep his cool, that’s his fucking boy, no one else’s, see the way they touched him? like they had the right? no fucking way. “it was a stupid idea anyway. you’re just a kid” and it comes out so so angry and wrong and the hurt is so obvious on sam’s face, he’s still young enough that he can’t hide his feelings. but dean doesn’t know how else to be when other people so casually think sam is theirs

#anyway #just thinking about shy insecure sam who thinks he’s irredeemably weird and dean who thinks he hung the mf moon #what else is new #contributions to this hc welcomed and encouraged #spn #supernatural #dean winchester #sam winchester #wincest #preseries #teenchesters #spn hc #Weecest

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 23 days

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AITA for pranking my friend?

Ever since my friend (28m) and I (27m) were little kids, we've had this prank war going. I know, it's a little dumb and immature, but it doesn't hurt anyone (we made a gentlemen's agreement against pranks that might be dangerous when we were like 14 and things got a little out of hand), and it makes our lives a little more interesting. We still talk about really good ones years later, like the time he made me think I had a peanut allergy for a week via strategic use of buzz buttons, or the time I had him going for six months that my three cats (identical) were one cat that was just really fast.

However, something unexpected happened this time. I had an old gaming mouse that was starting to die, right? About one click in 10 wouldn't go through. It was also, crucially, identical to the brand new gaming mouse he just got. So I covertly swapped it out for his, intending to give it back when he commented that his mouse was acting weird. Funny joke, right?

Apparently, it went downhill fairly quickly, and while we were hanging out gaming at my place bro finally raged out and threw his laptop while swearing at the "broken piece of overpriced shit". We're talking heated gamer moment here. He immediately looked shocked at himself, and I can't stress enough, this was VERY out of character for him. He explained that (he thought) the usb port was getting iffy and not accepting his mouse inputs. He was going to get it looked at, and now also to fix the broken screen. He left pretty quickly after that.

I still feel so bad about it. I haven't told him about the prank yet, and I don't know if I should. AITA? Did I go too far?

AITA?

Happy April Fool's Day!

#aita #am i the asshole #april fool's day #afd

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r0ttenhearts · 6 months

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goodbye, old friend

scaramouche x childhood friend! reader

sypnosis: the memories of your childhood spent with scaramouche

warnings; angst, no comfort, mean scara, arguments, abandonment

WINTER

“what are you doing, (y/n)? stop acting like such a child!” scaramouche’s cold, pink cheeks puffed out as he smacked your hands, the cold snow falling from your gloved hands. the bottom of your lip jut out as small tears started to well up in your eyes.

“stop crying! grow up (y/n)! you’re not a baby.” scaramouche’s harsh words set off your wailing. sucking in his teeth, scaramouche set his cold hands into the snow. a small ball was formed before he set it in your hands, your crying ceasing momentarily. “y-you’re so mean to me, scara.” you sniffled out.

“i just don’t want you to be childish.” he muttered, his hand resting on the top of your head. scaramouche was only a year older than you, 13. but he acted as if he knew it all. his clear influence on you was being shown as you began trading juice boxes for flavored water, stuffed animals being hidden away in your closet when you knew he’d be over for a visit.

a small smile graced your face before cold ice hit scaramouche’s face. a startled yelp left scaramouche’s lips, your giggles following suit before he chased you in the snow. small footsteps following each other, imprinted in the cold white powder.

SPRING

“this feels so weird, scara.” you whispered to him as you both sat on your bedroom floor. the purpled haired boy sat across from you, his cheeks a slight red as he leaned in slowly. “this was your idea, (y/n). or do you want to back out?” the mocking tone in his voice was evident, a smirk across his lips with a shake of your head. “no! i don’t want.. anyone else to have this first with you, scara.”

“oh? so, you want all of my firsts?”

“shut up! that’s not what i meant!”

with your flustered, babbling self you hadn’t noticed scaramouche slowly inching towards you until his lips met yours. it was a quick, gentle kiss. enough to send scaramouche reeling backwards immediately with a choked out “are you happy now?”

a quiet yes left your lips, a small smile on your face. you had taken something he would always remember. his first kiss. his first kiss was with a girl he claimed to not be fond of, but you knew how much you meant to him. he wouldn’t spend every afternoon in your room with you if you never meant much to him. you knew that as well as he did.

that quiet afternoon was spent with you both side by side, a happy revelation that you had gotten what you had always wished for. losing your first kiss to scara at 14.

SUMMER

“you don’t mean it, scara.”

“oh but i do, (y/n). i don’t want anything to do with you anymore.”

hot tears burned your eyes, it couldn’t be true. he wasn’t doing this to you, not again. the disinterested look across his features wasn’t something you were unfamiliar with. it seemed that all he had for you lately was distaste. the past year and a half had been a whirlwind of drama and heartbreak between you two. you had ended up claiming more of his firsts, just like he teased you about.

but it seemed that you had paid a price for every little moment you would forever remember. his cruelty seemed to grow month by month. scaramouche was no longer interested in spending afternoons with you, but with other girls he would deem as interesting for a month. in return, he’d ignore you.

that was until he came back after a nasty breakup. he seemed to care more for this girl than he had for the others, as he usually was in your arms within a month. retelling the stories of how much lacking those girls had been in comparison to you.

but this time was different. his scowl wasn’t only showing his arrogance, but his anger.

“you promised me, scara!” a shared promised on a hot summer night in your backyard. a promise to not go back to the ignoring and neglect, a promise to stay. for good.

“i was lying! are you really still that dumb, (y/n)? i never wanted or needed you. you were just a placeholder until i found other girls. but you knew that, didn’t you? you just didn’t want to believe it.”

you shook your head, more hot tears rolling down your cheeks. “please, don’t do this scara. what about us? what about our friendship? i don’t want to know a life without you.”

“i do. don’t call me anymore.”

you would never forget the tears that would escape your eyes. your heart was aching for the remaining hope for things to go back to what once was. but the rest was seething, angry that you believed him time and time again. angry for his false promises.

“if you go through with this, i’ll never forgive you.”

“so be it.”

AUTUMN

a familiar scarf was wrapped around scaramouche’s neck. a dark purple, almost black thick scarf was hiding his mouth. the same scarf you had gifted him years ago on his birthday. even with the presence of the scarf, it didn’t damped the feelings that welled up in your chest. the hurt, the anger.

“well, did you need something?” you spoke flatly, shopping bags in your grip. christmas was coming up and you had started your shopping a month early. what you hadn’t accounted for was running into scaramouche. his new blonde girlfriend in a candle store nearby, unaware of the tension between you both.

“i..” his mouth opened and closed, almost like a fish gasping for air. you huffed impatiently, the gnawing anxious feeling swallowing your chest. “if there’s nothing then i’ll be on my way.” you mumbled curtly, taking a step to the side of scaramouche. his pale hand shot out, grabbing your wrist, keeping you in place.

“i’m sorry, (y/n).” he whispered, loud enough only for you to hear. the great egoistical scaramouche was apologizing to you?

“i’m sorry for, everything.” he added in a hushed whisper.

“it’s a little too late for that, don’t you think?”

you two weren’t kids anymore. this wasn’t a small thing to smile widely and take his hand again, like you once did. it was a betrayal. one that cut you deeply like a knife that was never wedged out from your heart. that pain stayed with you, that resentment. the resentment for a boy you once loved in your younger years.

“i don’t expect you to forgive me, but i want you to know that i’m sorry.” there was a slight desperation in his voice, his eyes scanning yours for a hint of what he felt so deeply when he looked at you. but you wouldn’t meet his eyes, you hadn’t since you noticed him looking at you.

you shook your head, your wrist gently being let go from his grip. you left him standing there, wondering if things could have played out differently if he hadn’t left you that summer night. watching your back slowly disappear from view felt like a familiar memory. but this time he wouldn’t expect to see you again. you were older, after all. he still remembered the promise he had broken earlier in the year. a promise to apply to the same college and share a dorm together.

your hesitance at the time bothered him, but now that he was looking back, you were right to hesitate in agreeing to it. it was a promise made to him, after all. and he had never kept a good record of keeping his promises to you. but you always forgave him anyway.

now it was college application season, you both turned in different applications to colleges in complete opposite regions. scaramouche wanted to go to sumeru, and you fontaine. he still had the list of furniture you both had planned to buy for your shared dorm. it still laid jotted down in his notepad that he kept in his bag.

it felt bittersweet to flip past it whenever he had to scribble down something, but he couldn’t bring himself to tear it out. your messy handwriting on that piece of paper was the only thing he had left of what once was a close friendship.

WINTER

the freezing cold temperatures outdoors helped for a lighter mood that christmas morning. the warmth from your parents home was inviting as you opened gifts from your family and friends.

but after all the wrapping paper was torn off boxes and cardboard, there still lay one gift for you. it resided in your parents mailbox, an early morning drop off from scaramouche himself. a letter wishing you happy holidays and tickets to an aquarium you had planned to go with him, only for him to ditch you on the day of, were nestled safely inside the card.

a six year friendship coming to a close, for good this time.

taglist: @samarill @whorerificstuff @sakiimeo @astrolomona @dearsumire @saeism @shoheartluv @0kauy @lelemnh @ayameei @aqualesha @msdevilis @linkookie197 @beriiov @xiaonscaraswife @foxlover1144 @gh0sts0up @darliingyu @magica-ren n @scara6 @Maxineslair

#genshin angst #genshin x reader #genshin x reader angst #wanderer x reader #wanderer angst #scaramouche x reader angst #scaramouche x y/n #scaramouche x you #scaramouche x reader #genshin scara #scaramouche angst x reader #scaramouche angst #scaramouche #scara x reader #scara x y/n #scara x you #scaranation

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just-your-average-cryptid · 7 months

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ok I know fluff all about economics but. we really need to move away from shareholders and stocks

look at Lego. It’s privately owned, all the stock is in family/company hands, no shareholders. The bricks are made just as well, they’ve kept up good business, they’re doing great. No degrading quality or crappy tricks to increase profits, a set from the 90s will work just as well as a brand new one. Only real difference is more complex pieces (I did their monthly builds before they ended it a few years back, you can see the improvements over the years.)

now look at apple. Apple went public, they’ve got plenty of shareholders. Apple changed their charger ports to a proprietary version. Apple got rid of headphone jacks on their phones. Apple forces you to get a new phone by making apps only use newer software versions that old phones can’t get. Or just killing their battery.

yeah, these are two specific and very different companies, but the point is that businesses that answer to shareholders have to convince them to keep those shares. they want a return on their investment- line go up, more more more, bigger and better. Private companies like Lego don’t - they can keep doing the same thing forever, as long as it still works, and make small improvements along the way. You go public, you chain yourself to the infinite growth cult. And at a certain point, you’ve hit the max. There’s only so many people who need so many things. There’s only so much material to make or run things. You physically can’t keep growing forever.

now this bit is my personal opinion, but shareholders. don’t actually do anything useful. it feels like if I gave you $20 one time and then expect you to give me 0.5% of your paycheck every week after that. I didn’t do anything to help you get that money, but I gave you that $20, so I deserve it. actually, I deserve more. you need to work harder so I can get more money from you. otherwise I’ll take that $20 back, plus interest. you don’t want that, do you? no. so go do some 14-hour shifts and ignore your friends so I can get more money out of you.

you get what I mean? it’s dumb. it sounds really, really dumb.

do not explain the stock market to me I know how it works it’s still stupid

anyway

if we want to still have a livable planet and make real progress towards… anything actually beneficial to the general population and not ten guys with more money than god, we need to step away from shareholder control of businesses. it helps no one, it causes so many problems, it’s not good. deincentivize eternal growth and expansion, center people over profit. use over profit. longevity over profit. etc.

#it speaks #enshittification #anti capitalism #i mean it I’m not hearing 1000 explanations about the stock market shut up

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lvrcpid · 1 year

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young, dumb and broke - modern!au

includes : reader is gn! use of they/them pronouns. DAD TSU’TEY AGENDA!! most of the kids are 17 with lo’ak being 16 (i had to keep the age gap), i STRUGGLED writing for 14-15 year old freshman. sfw!!

high school with modern!avatar headcannons

lo’ak:

— rizz master

— only messes with tsireya though

— we love a loyal king don’t we ladies

— since y/n can drive, he’s constantly asking them for rides

— “PLEASE Y/N NETEYAM SAID NO-“

— “shut up and get in the car.”

— definitely on the basketball team

— points to tsireya and says “this one’s for you baby” AND MISSES 🤭

— he probably has good grades just is a big class clown. like no seriously his jokes are hilarious even the teachers laugh.

— speaking of teachers all of his teachers love him. he’s really respectful (THANK YOU JAKEY POOH!!)

— he’s so trifling

— def would go around quoting “GIRL WHERE YOU GOING- MMMMWAH!!!”

neteyam:

— tries to be mysterious but fails miserably

— probably one of the popular kids but he’s not a jerk about it

— FOOTBALL CAPTAIN. NO MORE CHITCHAT.

— def makes y/n wear his jersey at his games

— gets sad when you can’t come

— “what do you mean you’re busy 🥺”

— homeboy is SMART im talking straight A’s type smart.

— definitely plans on going D1

— has a smalllllllll (BIG) crush on y/n but he’s too punk to tell them

kiri :

— actually mysterious

— keeps to herself

— definitely has one friend group

— science is definitely her favorite topic

— hates hates HATES school lunch. she gives it away each time

— crystal necklaces all day

— def has a job and bought those expensive ass sony headphones

— her converse game is strong. i’m talking every single color for every single outfit

— hangs in the bathroom with her friends

— along with her brothers, her teachers love her

ao’nung:

— RIZZ MASTER.

— seriously his rizz with y/n makes them fold all the time.

— basketball captain anyone??

— probably drives to school

— C average in his classes , he’s just lazy

— “y/n are you coming to my game?”

— “WHAT DO YOU MEAN NETEYAM HAS A GAME- FUCK HIM-“

— as you can see he also gets upset when you can’t come to his games

— probably has a few fights on his record

— always messing with your hair in class

— you look at him like this 😡 while he’s over there like 😈

— always leaving campus to get food (he gets you some so it’s no biggie)

— brags to neteyam that you came to his practice

— “HAHA THEY CAME TO MINE AND NOT YOURS”

— also has a big crush on y/n and it’s obvious, you just choose to play dumb

tsireya :

— class president. argue with the wall.

— Y/N’S BEST FRIENDDDDD

— her brothers wingwoman fr

— probably is in a dance club after school

— tutors people in her free time (side hustle queen)

— probably also drives to school but just rides with her brother to save gas

— probably wears outfits inspired by clueless

— hands lo’ak his water bottle after practice

— she’s such a sweetheart

— she invites a girl who was alone at a table to sit with her and her friends

y/n:

— Y2K KING/QUEEN

— no literally your style is to die for

— definitely sleeping all the time but still manages to get good grades

— your dad is apart of the pta. along with tonowari and jake. PTA DADS!!

— you probably wear lots of bracelets.

— you give them away as your way of flirting

— (neteyam and ao’nung definitely have a few of them on their wrists)

— chilling with kiri and tsireya in the bathrooms

— going home and immediately going to sleep.

— probably getting written up a few times for walking out of class

— your parents weren’t happy about this :/

bonus!

tuk:

— our girl definitely rocks the newest light up sneakers

— “my mommy got me these” *stomps foot on the playground*

— gets her teachers gifts for holidays

— has a fruit by the foot for lunch all the time

— her lunch box is definitely all sparkling

— MONKEY BARS MASTER.

— probably went to the nurse a few times cause her pride got the best of her and she fell

— definitely not the type to fake sick. she loves seeing her friends

— she’s the leader of her friend group but she’s not mean (neteyam DUPE!!)

— neytiri could send her to school with her hair one way and itll come back looking a MESS.

— at least she had fun!!

TAGLIST: @zatarias-pandora

#avatar #avatar x reader #neteyam x reader #awotw #jake sully x reader #kiri x reader #loak x reader #neytiri x reader #sully family x reader #modern!avatar

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nottapossum · 2 months

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Itty Bitty Sinners 1.6

Pirates and dolls 🏴‍☠️🧸

⚠️TW⚠️: Abusive parents, taking away comfort items, implied sexual abuse, losing a pet, being ignored, being abandoned, having to give up a pet.

Lmk if I should add.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

'I was never a sharp one

But I try to write even when it's dull

This night is a dark one

But sometimes I like when it gets cold

Yeah, all of my movies play in black and white

This wasn't the same old plot I thought I had in mind

Don't ask me if I'm alright, I can't decide

I'm spiraling down, don't wanna take you on a ride.' ~Tony22, Safe place.

~~~Velvette past: Age 13~~~

Velvette's favorite doll was her cabbage patch doll, her name was Nicoline katherine.

It was a gift from her grandmother when she turned five.

She was the only person in Velvette's life who actually listened to her, the only one she could tell anything to without being shot down, judged, or made fun of.

School was awful, home was worse- both of them. And she just needed one person to share her frustrations with.

On this specific day, she came home from school in need of a friend.

She wasn't exactly popular, in fact she was the very opposite.

She wore clothes the other kids found weird, she was loud and overenthusiastic, and though she was really smart, she never did well on tests so everyone of course thought she must be dumb.

It was an awful day, the worst day possible! She hated the world and hated everyone in it.

She ignored her siblings, ignored her step mother, ignored everyone who tried talking to her when she got home in favor of walking upstairs to talk to Nicoline.

But she walked into her room and saw her beloved doll gone.

“Dad? Have you seen my doll?!” She shouts.

Her father does not answer her.

What a surprise.

Velvette sighs and stomps downstairs. “Dad?!"

“Woah, hey. What's going on?” Julie, her stepmother asks, standing in her way. "What happened?"

“My doll isn't in my room.” She says.

“Oh, maybe Sasha took it." She suggests.

“What? She isn't even old enough to climb the stairs!" Velvette says, walking over to the small two year old holding her doll.

“Sasha!” Velvette shouted, she took the doll from Sasha and caused the little one to cry.

“Hey, leave her alone!" Her father snapped at her. "What is the matter with you?" He asks, taking the doll from her.

“That's my doll.” Velvette tells him. "She stole it!"

“Okay. And? You can't share it with her?" He asks.

"No!"

"Aren't you a little too old for dolls anyway?” He asks her.

“No, aren't you too old to be jobless?" She asks.

“Hey, you will treat me with respect, young lady!” He scolds. "I didn't tolerate this attitude with your mother, I won't tolerate it from you!"

"So divorce me too then!" She shouts. "I don't care!"

He doesn't respond to that, he just hands the doll to his other daughter.

“She's my doll! You can't just give her away just because you like your cheater brat more!” Velvette shouted.

She's slapped across the face.

She looks up at her father again, holding her cheek.

“Go upstairs to your room. I don't want to hear it.” He said.

So she went upstairs and slammed the door.

That was the only time her father ever struck her.

Because Velvette never gave him a reason to…

She didn't talk to him much except to answer questions.

And when she turned 14, her mother got full custody.

And no, she didn't get her doll back.

Her mother agreed she was too old for dolls, so the rest were given to charity.

She didn't complain.

A good child was a quiet one after all.

She took her frustrations elsewhere.

At school,

Then later online.

No one was safe from her opinions there.

She also vowed to buy herself a thousand dolls when she became an adult.

She didn't need her parents.

She didn't need anyone!

She could be her own parent.

~~~Angel:~~~

Angel woke up the next day, just relieved to be in the hotel, and not at Val's place.

He got up, completely ignoring his phone in case Val was going to try and convince him to work today…

He just can't today, he doesn't care what Val does.

Angel got himself ready for the day ahead.

Took a shower, brushed his hair, got a bit of makeup on…not a lot just enough to cover the black around his eye that Val so “lovingly” caused and some mascara to make him look more awake than he actually was.

It was enough to convince them that he was still worth investing in.

It's enough to make them think he's okay.

Yeah. It's good. He's good.

Angel opens the door to his bedroom to meet with everyone downstairs, he's ready to fake a smile through the next couple of hours- but he sees someone waiting at his door.

“Good morning, Angel.” An annoying smile says to him.

Angel sighs. “What do you want, Al?”

“Me? Oh nothing.” He says. “Just wanted to make sure everything was alright. You seemed so upset about Niffty taking your baby blanket yesterday.”

“It's not a baby blanket.” Angel growls.

“Oh? Then what is it?” Alastor asks.

“It's…it belongs to fat nuggets.” Angel says.

“Oh, yes of course. Silly me.”Alastor says, tilting his head to peek inside Angel's room. “So, I suppose it's safe to assume the adult sized pacifier is also his?” he asks, leaning on the doorframe.

Angel looks behind him and sees Fat Nuggets with his pacifier.

Shit! How does he keep getting a hold of that!?

He takes the pacifier from Nuggs quickly.

The pig just sat down on the floor and smiles, the piglet so proud of himself, thinking he did something good…

Angel doesn't have the heart to tell him what he's actually done.

Angel anxiously fiddled with two of his hands, one was gripping the pacifier tightly, and the last was tugging at his hair.

He was screwed.

“What's the matter, Angel?” Alastor asks. “Are you afraid?”

“Al, I think even you can understand why I don't want this getting out.” Angel says.

“Don't want what getting out?” Alastor asks.

Angel crosses two of his arms. “Stop playing dumb.”

Alastor scoffs. “Honestly, Angel. What's the big deal?” He asks. “Are you worried they'll judge you?” Alastor asks.

Angel crosses his arms. “No.”

“Worried they'll think you're too much to handle and leave you?” He asks. “You don't have to be. I'm sure Husker won't abandon your friendship once he finds out about it.” He says, still smiling.

Angel froze…

Once he finds out?

Angel takes a deep breath, he has no patience for this. “What do you mean by that?” he asks, starting to sound Angry.

Alastor simply shrugged. “Nothing.”

“What do you want? I don't have much of a soul to sell if that’s what you're after.” Angel says.

“Oh, I desire nothing from you. I simply wanted to talk, catch up.” Alastor says.

“I don't believe you.” Angel says. “You always have an angle.”

Alastor shrugs, then he disappears into a shadow.

“Al wait- ugh fuck!” Angel curses.

Angel walks back into his room and throws his pacifier against the wall.

Angel sits on the floor. “Shitshitshitshitshit! What am I going to do- honestly, of all the people to find out! Why did it have to be him?” He asks out loud.

Nuggets fetched the pacifier to give it back to Angel.

He takes the pacifier from his baby piglet, and sets it aside. He picks up Nuggets and holds him close. “Thanks Nuggs.”

What was Alastor up to?

And more importantly, how was he going to stop that strawberry fucker to keep his mouth shut?

~~~Charlie:~~~

After the group had completed their trust exercises for the day, Charlie and Pentious went to her office for their daily age regression session!

Angel hardly said a thing all day, it worried Charlie greatly….

Was he okay?

Was something wrong?

Can she help?

She shook her head. ‘No no, focus on Pentious, talk to Angel later.’ She decided.

“Okay Pentious, I thought we'd try something new today. Something a bit more vulnerable.” Charlie says.

Pentious tilted his head. “What do you mean?”

“Well, I got you another gift.” She says, handing him a box.

Pentious opens it, this time without hesitation and smiles when he sees a little soft toy....Teddies he thinks they’re called! He didn't have them as a kid, but he's pretty sure that's what they are called.

In the box was also a super soft blanket with an elephant on it.

The teddy wore a hat...he liked that about it.

He stared at it for a moment...something was strangely familiar about it…

Something…nostalgic.

And…comforting?

“Pentious?” Charlie asks. “Are you okay?”

“What- what is it?” Pen asks her.

“It's a little dog plushie.” Charlie says.

“It's a dog?” Pen asks.

“Yeah, I thought it was a bunny at first but I looked it up and…”

Charlie's voice muffled underneath his thoughts.

Of course he was a dog. A very good dog.

Yes, that's what this was!

A good little puppy.

~~~Past:~~~

“Okay, baby blow out your candles.” His mother told him.

He squeezed his eyes shut and made his wish before blowing out the single candle on his cake.

“What did you wish for?” His mother asks.

He shut his mouth tightly.

“What? You won't tell me?” She asks.

Pen shakes his head.

“Can I make a guess?” His father asks.

Pen thinks about it and nods.

“Is it a…new pair of shoes?” He asks.

Pen shakes his head. "No."

“Is it a new book?” He asks.

Pen shakes his head again.

“I only have one more guess…is your wish… in this box?” His father asks, handing him a box, it wasn’t wrapped, it was just a small box with a lid that was barley placed on top of it.

Pen takes the lid off the box and a small beagle jumps up at him and licks his face.

“A puppy! How did you know?!” Pentious asks them, picking up the dog happily.

“Must be magic.” His mother says.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you!” He says. “I love him! I'll take such good care of him! You'll see! I'll be the best puppy father ever!”

“I have no doubts.” His mother says, ruffling his hair and kisses his head. “Happy birthday, darling.”

~~~Present:~~~

“Pentious?” Charlie asks.

Pentious doesn't say anything, but he hugs Charlie close, crying into her shoulder.

“Hey, it's okay, I'm here.” Charlie says. "It's okay.” She says, patting his back. “Are you okay?” She asks him.

He let's go of her and holds the little puppy close to his chest.

“Are you okay, Pen?” Charlie asks. "What happened?"

Pentious looks down at the puppy teddy. “Yes, I'm okay.” He says. “I just- I-”

He wipes away tears. “I love it.” He says. “The teddy is wonderful, Charlie. Thank you.”

Charlie smiles. “Awe, I'm so glad you like it!" She says, relieved. "I was worried something was wrong."

"No, I'm okay...I think..."Pentious felt a fuzzy feeling in his mind. It was strange…unnatural. He felt like’ like a-

His pupils expand as he looks at his new Teddy. He wipes away his remaining tears, understanding what it must be. “Charlie?” he asks.

“Yes?”

“I do…feel smaller now.” He says.

“Wait, really!?” Charlie asks, getting excited.

Pen curles into himself, the feeling of small isn't a bad feeling, but it is rather strange and he doesn't know how to process it. “I think! I…uhm I feel like I am small and fuzzy inside.” He explains. "like I'm smaller than I actually am."

“Pen! You regressed! That's amazing!” Charlie's cheers.

“Is it?” Pen asks.

“I mean, yeah. I think so anyway. How are you feeling?” Charlie asks.

“I- uh. Good. But strange.” Pen explains as best as possible.

“That's okay. You'll get used to it.” She says. "Did the...Teddy trigger it?"

"Yes," Pen explains. He reminded me of my alive dog when I was alive!" He says.

"Oh yeah?"

Pen looks sad all of a sudden. "He was a good dog."

"I'm sure he was." Charlie says.

"I miss him." He says. "I had to abandon him because they wouldn't let me keep him."

"Who's they?" Charlie asks.

"The orphanage." Pen answers, his eyes building up with tears. “Dogs weren't allowed there, so I had to let him go.”

“Oh…pen. I'm sorry.” Charlie says. “Can I hug you?” She asks.

Pentious nods. “Uh, yes. Please." He says.

Charlie smiles and does just that. She squeezes the snake tightly. “Thank you for telling me, Pen. I'm so proud of you."

Pentious feels even smaller as he hugs her back. "You are? Really?”

"Of course I am. You're being honest about your feelings, and opening up to me, it shows just how far you've come since you first got here. You're growing."

"No, I'm shrinking but in a good way." Pen corrects.

Charlie chuckles. "That too."

Pentious rests his head against Charlie. "Thank you, Charlie."

Charlie pets his head. "You too, Pen.”

~~~Charlie and Pentious: Later~~~

Charlie and Pentious were playing with Legos when Charlie's phone went off.

“Oh, Vaggie is calling me." Charlie says to Pentious.

She answers the phone, so Pen keeps quiet. "Hello?”

“Mama?” A small voice says through tears.

Ohh no. That's little Vaggie. “Hold on a second please, sweetie?” Charlie asks.

“Uhm…Otay.”

Charlie smiles at Pentious. “I gotta take this, uhm, why don't you-” Charlie grabs a remote and turns on the TV. “Watch some cartoons. And I'll be back soon, okay?"

Pentious nods. "Oh-okay." He says. His attention turns to the screen as she walks out.

~~~Charlie and Vaggie:~~~

Charlie, with very limited options, walks out of the room. “Vaggie? Baby? You still there? Where are you? What happened?”

“I sowy.” Vaggie starts sobbing through the phone.

“You have nothing to be sorry for. Are you in our room?” She asks, whispering in case anyone is listening.

Vaggie sniffles. “Mhm.”

Charlie climbs the stairs quickly as her heart pounds in her chest, anxiety rising. “Okay, babygirl. I'm on my way, just stay put.” She tells her.

Vaggie doesn't respond, so Charlie just focuses on getting to her room.

She opens the door and starts to look for her precious little one. “Vaggie? Baby? Are you okay?"

Vaggie crawls out of the closet she was hiding in. “Mama!” She cries, holding her arms up to Charlie.

“Oh, baby. Are you okay? Are you hurt? What happened?" She asks, picking up her little one.

Vaggie hugs Charlie. "M' otay." She says.

Charlie sighs with relief. "Oh thank goodness. Sweetheart, what happened?” Charlie asks.

“I wegwessed.” Vaggie says.

Charlie almost laughed- but kept her composure, Vaggie is obviously upset, making her feel embarrassed on top of that wouldn't exactly help the situation. “Yes, I can see that. Have you been feeling overwhelmed?” She asks.

Vaggie doesn't answer.

“Vaggie?” Charlie asks.

“I'm sorry!” She says. “I twied to big!”

Charlie hugs her. “No, it's okay, it's fine! You're fine. You didn't do anything wrong.” She tries her best to reassure her.

“I twied to stay big, I twied to be good.” Vaggie cries harder.

“You are good, you're so very good. It's okay to be little.” Charlie explains.

“But, you aweady take’ caew of Pen.” She says. “I in da way!”

Charlie kisses Vaggy's head as she holds her close. “I don't care what I'm doing, or who I'm with, I always have time for you.” She says. “You are never in the way, you're the full picture, you understand?” Charlie asks.

Vaggie nods. “Otay.”

Charlie pets Vaggie's head and holds her close.

She really needs to get back to Pentious, he's all by himself and so small! She can't just leave him alone!

She takes a deep breath. "Vaggie, sweetie. I have to ask you something, and I want you to be completely honest with me, okay?" She asks.

Vaggie nods.

“Would it be okay if Pentious knew you were a little?” She asks.

Vaggie doesn't answer that, she just looks away from Charlie.

“Because right now, Pentious is little too, and I don't want him to feel abandoned. Can I bring you downstairs with me, so I can take care of both of you? I promise Pentious will play nicely. He's very nice.” She says.

Vaggie nods. “Otay, bu’ you ‘tay wif me.” She says.

“I won't leave you, I promise." Charlie wraps her pinkie around Vaggies’.

Vaggie wraps her finger around Charlie too.

Charlie sets Vaggie down on the ground. "Can you walk?"

Vaggie nods and takes her hand.

“Okay, sugar cube. We gotta be careful and walk downstairs together, so you can hold my hand, but I need you to be very quiet so no one else knows you're regressed. Okay?”

Vaggie nods. “Mkay, mama.”

“Good girl.” Charlie smiles and kisses her cheek.

The two of them walk downstairs quietly. The only one who saw them was Husk…and he couldn't care less what they were up to!

How lucky are they!

~~~~~Pentious, Vaggie, and Charlie! Playdate Time!!~~~

Charlie and Vaggie walk back into the office, Vaggie holding Charlie's hand tightly.

The TV was happily playing: “Can he fix it? Bob the builder-”

“YES HE SHALL!!” Pentious shouts as the two women enter the room. “Charlie! You're back! You was gone forever!” Pentious says. "Dis many minutes!" He says holding up all his fingers on one hand.

“I know, I'm so sorry, Pen.” Charlie says. “I actually have a big question for you, and I need you to be honest with me, alright?"

Pentious tilts his head. “What is it?”

“Well, Vaggie is little right now too. And she needs me to take care of her. I was wondering if it's okay that she plays with us today?"

Pentious looked at Vaggie who looked very shy…

But he smiles at her. “Of course! Does she like Legos too?” He asks.

“She's a little small for Legos right now, but I'm sure there's a bunch of games we can all play.” Charlie says. “Oooh! How about mega blocks?” She asks.

“What's that?” Pentious asks.

“They're a lot like Legos, except they're bigger.” Charlie explains, grabbing the big zippy bag of blocks from the closet of many things.

“Okay, I'll play.” Pentious says, slithering over to them.

Charlie sits on the floor and Vaggy crawls onto her lap.

“Vaggie, do you want to play mega blocks with me?” Pen asks her.

Vaggie nods. “Mhm.”

“Superb! What shall we build?” He asks her.

Vaggie thinks about it.. “Uhhm piwate ship!”

“Ooo! I like pirates.” Pentious says. "That's a great idea!"

“Piwates!” Vaggie giggles. “Mama, nee’ mah Piwates.” She says.

Charlie chuckles. “Okay, hold on. Let me get them." She says.

Charlie sets Vaggie down and walks over to the closet and gets Vaggie's pirate toys. They keep some of them here so Charlie can keep an eye of Vaggie while she does some work if needed.

She sets the toys on the table as she starts putting away the Legos.

"Don't ruin my work in progress, Charlie." Pentious says. “I want to finish it later!”

"I won't," She says. "I'll put it up here for safety." She says, setting his lego project on the desk.

"Piwate." Vaggie says, taking her little pirate cat figurine.

"Are we making a ship for them?" Pen asks her.

Vaggie nods. "Piwate!"

Pentious is very patient with Vaggie, even though she's a little young and it's hard for her to build like he does, he never complained about her doing it wrong.

“Oh, Vaggie. That goes here actually.” He says, tapping where the block she placed was supposed to go.

Vaggie picked up the block and set it where Pen said to. Then she looks up at the snake to be sure it was right this time.

"That's better!" He says. "Good job."

Vaggie smiles at him, and Charlie does too. She was a little worried about how Pentious might react to a younger little one, but he's doing so well! Like a perfect older brother! It was so cute!

He finished the pirate ship for Vaggie since she lost interest very quickly.

"There you are, your pirate ship." Pentious says, setting the ship in front of her.

Vaggie gasps and sets her little pirates on the ship. "Chawe, Piwate!" She says to her caregiver.

"Mhm it's very lovely, what do we say to Pentious who made that for you?" Charlie asks.

"Tant' oo' Pen." She says.

"You're welcome. While you're playing with that, I'm gonna build a sea monster to attack them!" He says.

"What a fun idea!” Charlie says.

Vaggie handed Charlie one of the pirates to play with and the two of them started to play out a story.

"Hello, pirate cat. Are you ready for our big pirate adventure?" Charlie's fox character asks her.

Vaggie's cat character jumps on the table. "Twesue'" She says.

"Yup, gotta find the treasure. I sure hope we don't encounter any evil sea monsters on the way." Charlie says.

"Piwate ship!" Vaggie shouts, placing her cat and Charlie's fox into the ship and moves it around the table.

Pen did a very good job building it, it didn't even break when Vaggie moved it.

"Rawr! An evil sea monster approaches!" Pentious starts to play, with his monstrous and extremely clever creation.

"Oh no, pirate cat. What are we gonna do?" Charlie asks dramatically.

Vaggie looks around and sees a single mega block. "Tannon!"

"A cannon, what a great idea. We can defeat the monster!" Charlie says.

Vaggie's character shoots the cannon and hits the beast.

Pentious's character groaned. "Nuuuu you have shot me! What a world what a world indeed! I deaded! I deaded forever!"

Vaggie laughs at Pen's dramatic characterization of the monster. "Montow no tay dat." She laughs.

"What?" Pentious asks.

"What do monsters say, Vaggie?" Charlie asks.

"Waw!" She growls.

"Ohh." Pentious understood her that time. "Rawwwwr!" Pentious played the death scene again, this time in proper monster language. "Can I be a pirate now that my monster has died?' Pen asks.

Vaggie hands him the dog pirate. "He-a-go." She says.

"Thank you." Pentious says. "Let's go find that treasure!"

“Good job sharing, Vaggie.” Charlie whispers, making her little one smiles.

The three pirates did find the treasure after a long journey across the office.

"Finally, the treasure!" Pen's figurine said.

"What if the treasure was inside of us all along? What if the real treasure was friendship?" Charlie's little fox asks.

"Uhm, no it's...it's gold." Pen's dog pirate says.

"Oh okay." Charlie says. "My bad."

They found the gold and they returned home.

“You did it, Vagitha!” Pen says.

Vaggie giggles. “Yay!”

The perfect ending to a perfect little adventure.

~~~Velvette and Vox:~~~~

Velvette worked overtime and then some.

She worked until she could forget what made her so upset in the first place.

And when she still didn't, she stopped when she became too tired to continue working anymore.

She walks to the kitchen to get some water and sees Vox at the table with a cup of coffee.

"Vox? What are you doing up this late?" Velvette asks.

"Vel...hey!” Vox says, sounding exhausted as he rubbed his screen where his eyes were. "I uh- that, up there is for you." He says, pointing at a gift that was on the counter.

She raised an eyebrow at him. "Uh, what?"

"Just- open it, please?" He asks.

She unwraps the box and...

It was a cabbage patch doll...

It wasn't Nicoline, but she was still very lovely.

She looks over to the Tv man. "Vox-?"

"You mentioned that you used to have one when you were little. I was going to give it to you on your birthday, it's probably not the one you had as a kid, but-"

"Did you seriously stay up just to give me this?" She asks him, hand on her hip.

Vox scoffs. "What? No! Of course not, I was up already, I just thought I'd do something nice since you were so upset." He says, as if it wasn't a big deal.

Velvette rolls her eyes. “Sure.”

“Look, I'm sorry you had a rough couple of days.” Vox says. “It's okay if you don't want to talk about it. But, you can if you want to, and I'll listen.” He promises. "Or you can talk to the doll if that’s easier, that's fine too."

Velvette looks up at him. "How-"

"You told me while you were regressing a few weeks ago." Vox says. "I know something happened...and I don't think it's right for you not to talk about it."

She looked down at the doll again.

He listened to her...

And took her pathetic little story about a doll seriously.

Huh.

"I know it's not really like us to talk about stressful adult stuff." Vox says. "But, it can be."

Velvette's eyes fill with tears. “Really?” She asks. "You actually want to hear me bitch about stupid shit all the time?"

"Who doesn't bitch about stupid shit?" He asks. "Me and Val do, why in the hell would it be any different with you? I don't care less just because you're not a kid. I don't hate your company, and I don't hate talking to you either. You have great ideas, it's nice to have someone to talk to who isn't an idiot."

He actually thinks she’s smart?

He actually cares?

Actually wanted to hear her? Actually want to listen?

Velvette puts the doll down and she runs to hug Vox.

"Vel?" Vox asks, this was clearly not at all what he expected.

She doesn't want the doll, for the first time in a long time she didn't want the doll.

She just wanted her caregiver.

Velvette starts sobbing into his shoulder. "M'sowy." She says, sounding small- tiny even.

Vox knows the voice, so he picks her up and hugs her. “It's okay, I'm here.” He says to her. “Get it all out, it's okay.”

She wraps her arms around his neck

"You ready to get some sleep?" He asks her once she's calmer.

She nods. "Okay. Can you stay wif me?"

Vox nods "Yeah." He takes her doll and carries both of them to her room to get some well deserved rest.

They can talk about it tomorrow.

~~~Charlie, Vaggie, and Pentious:~~~

Vaggie and Pentious had a fun time playing together, they played pirates and aliens, and Charlie even taught them patty cake!

It was a full fun day for them.

Vaggie got pretty tired after a bit and asked to take a nap and cuddle with Charlie.

So, Charlie put on Jake and the Neverland pirates for the two littles, and all three of them cuddled up on the couch to relax.

After episode two, Vaggie had fallen asleep.

Charlie turns to Pentious. “Thank you so much for being so nice to Vaggie today, Pen. You were such an amazing friend to her.” She says. “I know it's not always easy. I just wanted to let you know that I really appreciate it.”

“It was very easy.” Pentious says. “Vaggie is fun.” He says. “She likes pirates, adventures, and weapons!” he says. “I haven't had so much fun in ages!”

Charlie smiles. “I'm so glad to hear you had fun.” She says.

“Could we do it again sometime?” He asks.

“Of course, if Vaggie wants to. I think she had a lot of fun too.” Charlie says.

Pentious smiles and snuggles up next to her once again.

There's nowhere else in the world Charlie would rather be right now.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

'Oh, by the way

All my stuffies wanna know if you're okay

I've been great, 'cause they put me in a safe place

Act like I'm nine when I watch Adventure Time

To cure the pain, I'll explain

That shit put me in a safe place.' ~Tony22, safe place.

Taglist: @todayimfour @trophyxtissues2 @ask-dusty-boy @dex-dawn @abby5577 @innocentlittlelambsnursery

#ittybittysinners #ittybittysinnersq&h #hazbin hotel agere #hazbin hotel age regression #little!Velvette #little!Sir Pentious #little!Vaggie #cg!Charlie #cg!Charlie morningstar

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beanghostprincess · 2 months

Text

Rayleigh explains to tiny Shanks and Buggy what Valentine's Day is because Roger won't stop running around the ship saying he doesn't know what to get Rouge as a gift (they've been like this for a long time and they've lost count of how many islands they've visited in such a short time already).

So the man, of course, tells them it's a day in which you give presents or just celebrate your love with the people you care about the most... Mostly in a romantic way, but when they were very little and very close, Shanks and Buggy instantly went "We like each other!!" and ever since they've been giving each other presents for Valentine's Day, even if it's meant to be in just a platonic way.

The thing is-- They grow up together, and of course, they develop feelings for each other that are beyond what friendship. And suddenly Valentine's Day has a new entire meaning. Buggy comes to the conclusion, at the age of 13, that they're too old to be doing this with each other when they should be doing it with their crushes. Which they don't have. Because they're quite literally the only ones of their age on that ship. But whatever- Shanks is devastated. He accepts and goes with the typical "Yeah, of course. Pffft. I'll just save all my romantic ideas for a girl--" but he doesn't want any girl. He wants Buggy. And he has known that for a long time.

So fuck it. He's impulsive and it's dumb and he wants to show Buggy how much he means to him as more than just a friend. At 13, he uses the "I had already bought you a gift before you complained about this" excuse, and at 14 Shanks just says he had forgotten about not doing it. Old habits die hard. But then they're 15, and they're alone and the crew disbanded but at least they're alone together. And Shanks has this constant fear of Buggy leaving him too the way the rest of the crew did, so he doesn't give him anything. He had something planned because of course he had. But he keeps it to himself this once.

What he doesn't know is that Buggy is actually waiting for him to give him something. He's proud and stubborn and he would never admit it, but he regrets complaining about Valentine's Day now that Shanks doesn't want to officially celebrate it with him anymore. He tells himself he doesn't care. He doesn't give a fuck if Shanks doesn't want to give him a stupid present. He doesn't care if Shanks has forgotten about it. But the thought of Shanks celebrating this day with somebody else makes him unable to concentrate for the whole week. He wants to throw up.

But it's killing Shanks. It's eating him alive. So he swears he will confess his love and will give him a proper Valentine's Day gift next year. Next year. He only needs to wait. And Buggy promises to himself that if this happens- That if Shanks gives him something. Anything. Any hint from the universe that Shanks wants to be with him. He'll say yes. They've lost too much for them to then separate again.

Soon enough, Roger dies. Before Valentine's Day and before they can say anything. Before Buggy can fix whatever is wrong with him and his jealousy and rage toward Shanks. Before Shanks can act upon the feelings he's been forever keeping to himself. An 'I love you' rests on the tip of Shanks' tongue while he watches Buggy running away from him, and it stays there for years and years, patiently waiting for the next time they see each other again. Because it's the first thing he'll say to the clown.

But he doesn't save it until they see each other again. No. It's much sooner than he expected and a bit too late, too, to hope for an answer. Shanks loses his arm for the future generation and realizes how fragile life is and how little time he could have left if something went south. So he writes Buggy a letter (that nobody but him would understand because he's not writing precisely with his good hand) and attached to him there's this music box. It seems like a silly present. A dumb, childlike thing that no adult would appreciate. But Buggy grew fond of it when they walked through several stores with Gaban one day, and he didn't have enough money for it so he kept whining about it the whole week. Shanks had... All of his money left. He wanted to buy himself more chocolate, but he guessed a music box was alright too. It would be Buggy's, but since they're always together it would be his too, anyway, right?

They're not together anymore and Shanks can't see Buggy's face when he receives the gift. He can't hear the music box, either. But he guesses it had always been just for Buggy, at the end of the day, so he doesn't care. He just wishes Buggy had responded to it somehow because there's never any sound at the end of the line when he tries to call him and Buggy never responds to his letters either.

To this day, though, the music box rests on one of Buggy's most precious treasure chests that not even Alvida or Cross Guild can come close to, next to a bunch of letters he has carefully kept over the years. Shanks never knows if Buggy receives his gifts, but he keeps sending letters anyway. And Buggy refuses to respond to them, hoping Shanks will keep sending them nevertheless.

#they make me overly emotional and i want to cry #this is just a random thought i had yesterday don't look at me i am sobbing #crying over shuggy again #i am a child of divorce i can't do this #hahaha i am so normal about them #one piece #shuggy #buggy the clown #red haired shanks

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sturniologals · 3 months

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Say it. {M.S}

*AN~ this is a lil long ngl but it is SO worth it i swear. I literally love this sm and i’m willing to write a part two with smut in it but this one is just cutesies and angst and just ughhhh😫

pairing: matt x reader, friends to enemies to lovers (it’s a long ride yall😭)

~warnings~ fluff, cursing

5.1k words

summary: y/n and Matt had an unbreakable bond until y/n’s 16th birthday when an argument took place that changed their dynamic and now, y/n’s 17th birthday is coming up and she really wants her best friend back and the world is working in her favor because Matt ends up offering her driving lessons where feelings are re hatched.

“I told you this wasn’t a good idea” I say to Chris as i hit my forehead on the steering wheel in frustration.

“I’m starting to think you’re right. This is the sixth curb you’ve hit in the last 20 minutes.” I turn my head at him and shoot him a snide look.

“It’s not y/n’s fault that you don’t have the mental capacity to teach her to drive. You can barely drive yourself.” Nick says, shooting up from the backseat. I laugh and put the car into park.

I slide out of the drivers seat and walk around the car so me and chris can switch spots.

On the drive home, nick and chris argue over who gets aux and i can’t help but to zone out and think about how i’m turning 17 in less than a month and i still can’t drive, but i’m lucky to have the best friends that i do. Nick especially, he’s always there when i’m going through something, he can always make me laugh when i need it. Chris is just chris. Hes hardly ever serious about anything but when he knows i’m going through something, he always finds the will. And matt… he’s hardly ever around me, and when he is, it’s just side glances full of what i think is hatred.

It’s been like that ever since my last birthday. My boyfriend at the time, Blake, got mad at me because of matt and I’s friendship.

Flashback to y/n’s 16th birthday:

“Oh my god you are oblivious!” blake shouts at me.

“Can you keep it down?” i say knowing that my family and friends are downstairs waiting for me to cut the cake and blow out my candles and i’m in my room arguing with my boyfriend who i honestly don’t have feelings for anymore. I’m not sure i ever even did.

Blake runs his hands over his face and i can see the vein in his forehead flexing.

“Blake what are we even arguing about right now?” I say bored and annoyed, wanting to go back downstairs and see what gift Matt got me.

I was eavesdropping on Chris and Matt a week ago and heard them talking about how much i’m gonna love what Matt got me.

“Y/n are you actually that dumb or are you just trying to piss me off?” blake questions me with annoyance and i feel myself shudder at him calling me dumb, reminding me of the words my father would spat at me every day right up until he died.

“Don’t call me dumb, and i’m not trying to piss you off, i genuinely don’t know why you’ve been mad at me all night.” i try to keep my voice steady, not wanting to cry.

“Matt” he says in a stern voice as if i’m supposed to know what he’s talking about immediately.

“What about him?” I say, wondering why he’s mad at me over the person i’m closest to. I’d never tell blake that though. He thinks he knows everything about me but the truth is, Matt has known everything about me since I was ten years old.

When I scraped my knee while we were riding bikes when i was 12, he gave me bandaids and a shoulder to cry on and after he let me play mario kart with him all day. When i was 14 and got my first boyfriend who broke up with me after a week, Matt was there to call him an idiot and ask if i wanted him to beat him up. So Blake has no place to say anything about Matt, not when he knows how much Matt means to me.

“Y/n! Did you just hear a word of what i said?” blake says, shocking me back to the present and i realize i’ve zoned out the last thirty seconds. I do that a lot.

“Uhm no sorry, i zoned out.” I say quietly, not wanting him to yell. He huffs out a breath and shakes his head as if he’s refraining from saying something.

“You and matt. Did anything happen? ever?” He asks sternly.

“No! What? No! Why would you-“ I start to list reasons why i don’t like matt like that and never could but i can’t come with any so i stop talking.

“Why would i think that?” He says, finishing my sentence.

“Yes blake, why would you think that?”

“Theirs a million fucking reasons! Oh my god!”

His face is as red as a strawberry which makes me think of my strawberry cake downstairs that i so desperately want to get back to. But, i also want to know what he’s going to say about Matt, so i suck it up and listen.

“You’re with him more than your with me, you’re always zoning out and being all sad and shit when your with me but when your with matt- your all fucking giggly and laughing and smiling and actually speaking! I can hardly ever get a word out of you! And hell y/n, even if you don’t see him like that, I can take one peek at the way he looks at you and see that he sure as hell does feel like that about you and I don’t want my girlfriend all cozy with someone who so obviously has feelings for them.” He finishes off his rant breathlessly, leaving me thinking about a lot of things. Matt, Matthew, Matty, and how much i want to eat some of my birthday cake right now.

“I don’t know what you want me to say blake” i say truthfully. I don’t even know what i’m feeling, what i’ve felt ever at any point in any time. It’s all too confusing and i’ve decided to collectively ignore this situation and continue to be grateful i have my best friend and a strawberry cake with Jacob Elordi’s face on it waiting on me downstairs.

“you don’t need to say anything.” He says in a determined voice.

“Are you breaking up with me? on my birthday?”

He looks like wants to say yes he is but doesn’t. He just walks in front of me to the door and opens it. I go behind him and standing at the door, is Matt.

“Great” Blake scoffs and passes Matt up as he heads down the stairs. I can feel the tears swelling in my eyes and I don’t even think it’s because of Blake. I’m almost 99.9 percent sure that it’s because of the pure confusion and panic about what Blake said about Matt.

“y/n” Matt says in a low voice, he looks as if he wants to reach out and touch me but he doesn’t.

“Matt” I say with a frown on my face and I immediately fall into the comfort of his arms. His scent smells so comforting as i nuzzle my face into the crook under his chin.

“How much of that did you hear?” my voice comes out muffled from his hoodie.

“Enough to know why he broke up with you.” He says quietly as if he’s scared to upset me again.

“Can we not talk about it?” I say even though i feel like he definitely wants to.

“Yeah no it’s whatever we don’t have to talk about it. Come blow out your candles, yeah?” he says removing me from his arms and his voice instantly changing to more stern and cold. I haven’t felt like this around Matt since I accidentally let his pet bunny out of its cage and it escaped in the 7th grade.

“Matt-“ I start to tell him that we can talk about it, that i think i have feelings for him but i’m confused, that i love him and i just don’t want anything to change- but i don’t. I let my voice falter as he walks down the stairs. I follow behind after getting myself together for a few moments.

The whole time while we’re cutting the cake and i blow out my candles and then I open up my last gift, Matt’s eyes are trained to be anywhere that’s not on me. His normal semi- talkative self has now changed to a silent, closed off one.

After i sit down the digital camera that nick got me, I wait for Matt to pull out the gift that he and chris thought i would love. He never does, and I don’t question it. I watch chris nudge Matt on the arm and Matt shake his head, a movement so subtle that i wouldn’t have seen it unless i hadn’t been staring at Matt endlessly the whole last hour.

Present-

“Y/n, hey, helloooo, hiii” Nicks voice brings me back out of the memory.

“Yep, right here. Sorry.” I say as i unbuckle my seat and get out of the car. Matt has continued to be cold towards me ever since that day and i don’t think i’m ever going to be used to it. It’s not like he’s mean to me but i feel like he doesn’t care. Anytime i try to interact with him, he acts as if he’s not interested in what i have to say so i’ve stopped trying with him. I don’t know why he switched up all of a sudden and everyday i miss my bestfriend, anytime something bad happens, I always go back to the old familiar feeling of wanting to run to Matt and tell him what happened, and i have to refrain from doing so. It always hurts, but I know it’s for the better.

Nick unlocks the front door and me and Chris follow in after him.

I kick my sneakers off at the door and I find myself looking for Matt.

“Matts around here somewhere. He said he had to stay home to study.” Nick says as if he read my mind.

“Matt? studying? No way.” Chris retorts while sitting down at the kitchen island with a bag of popcorn.

“What’s he doing?” I ask, stealing a piece of popcorn from Chris and popping it into my mouth.

“Hell if I know.” Nick says while pouring some trix cereal into a bowl.

“Why don’t you go see what he’s up to?” Chris asks me and nick looks at him as if he’s just asked me to kick a puppy.

“Okay” i say, trying to appear as unbothered as possible but the truth is i’m really excited to talk to Matt.

I quickly jog up the stairs and reach the door to Matt’s room that i barely ever pass through anymore. I take a deep breath in and Knock twice.

“It’s me” I say loudly so he can hear.

“Come in” Matt shouts from behind the door. I slowly open the door and see Matt sitting at his desk playing a game with his headset on. Half of the headset is pushed back behind his ear so he can see me. He turns around in his swivel chair and stares at me like he’s waiting for me to ask him something. We never did need a reason to talk to each other, we just did. And today, nostalgia has been eating at me so I make the decision to blurt out

“I miss you”, I say it so quickly that my brain doesn’t process it till seconds later.

“Uhm sorry I don’t know why i said that- well, no i do know why i said that. I said it because I miss you but i know it’s odd because i said it out of nowhere but nostalgias been getting to me all day-“ I sit down on the edge of his bed. “And i don’t know I just wanted to tell you i miss you- and Matt and Chris took me driving today and I hit four curbs. FOUR Matt. I’m never going to get my license.” I say the last part into one of matts fuzzy blue pillows.

I let out a groan and throw my hands back.

Matt’s silence makes me turn my head towards him. He’s just staring at me, smiling-no, he’s cheesing. Matt hasn’t looked at me like that in almost a year. We haven’t talked like this an almost a year.

“What?” I say with a chuckle and i feel my cheeks heat up and a familiar feeling i always get in my stomach when i’m around Matt comes back.

“Nothing, i just missed hearing you talk” His voice grew quieter at the last few words, as if they accidentally slipped out.

My breath hitches and thoughts run through my mind. I want to tell him that i’d talk until my voice goes out, that i want him to make me yell until my voice doesn’t goes out. All the ways he could shut me up makes my stomach turn and my hands go clammy.

“Oh” is all i can manage. He smiles at me and turns back to his desk.

“I’m gonna take you driving tomorrow. Be ready at 4, i’ll come get you.” He says while putting his headset back on.

I can’t help but to be utterly shocked at him saying he wants to take me driving. Matt volunteering to spend time with me. I’m happily surprised.

As i walk out of his room, I can see him still smiling through the reflection on his computer.

I shut the door behind me and walk downstairs to tell Chris and nick about the breakthrough i just made.

“Yup I told you guys i was gonna get him back in the groove of y/n!” i say smiling and gesturing at myself.

“What the fuck, don’t do that again” Nick says and we all burst out into laughter.

“See you tomorrow y/n” Chris says as he shuts the door behind me and i walk across the street to my house that sits directly in-front of them.

I tell my mom about how Matt’s taking me driving tomorrow and she smiles and tells me she’s happy that we’re talking again and I go up to my room and fall asleep thinking about Matt and how he said he missed hearing me talk. I can’t help but to feel desire grow in my stomach and the wanting to slip my hands into my underwear and relieve some of the pressure but i fall asleep before my thoughts continue.

The next day, I wake up and find the blue sundress that sits right above my knees, I know Matt loves this dress. He bought it for me last Christmas. I pair it with a pair of tan sandals and once i hear the horn of Matt’s car, i walk down stairs and out the door.

I see Matt in his car, one elbow propped against the console and his other hand on the wheel, he’s wearing a black t shirt that lets all of his tattoos be shown. My god, he’s had to have gotten more since the last time i’ve saw his arm. I think I have a thing for Matt’s tattoos. I’ve always wanted to run my mouth along every one of them and watch Matt squirm underneath me.

His jaw is tense and his eyes impossibly blue in the sunlight shining through.

“Are you gonna get in?” Matt says rolling the passenger window down so he can talk to me. I move from my position on the sidewalk and get into the car.

The scent of leather and coffee instantly hits my nostrils and even in this weather, I can’t help but to feel cold at Matt’s switch in behavior.

I slide into the passenger seat and Matt’s hands reach over and slide my seatbelt across my chest, his knuckles grazing my chest sending shivers through me. He buckles it in and clears his throat before switching in the ignition.

“Matt?” I utter out whilst his focus is fully on the road ahead.

“Yeah, y/n?” he says softly, almost an apologetic tone after his first one when he pulled up.

“Nothing, nevermind.” I say, trying to think of a subject change because I’ve decided to take good Matt while i can get him.

He looks at me as if he knows what i was going to say but he doesn’t pressure it.

“So i thought we’d get something to eat then we could go to the college parking lot and practice?” Matt asks while turning the radio on, keeping it low.

“Uh…yeah,sure” I say, feeling like old times but not. I feel the remains of our friendship, just as strong as it was 11 months ago but now, the tension in the car is enough to smother me.

We drive the 3 minute drive to downtown in silence but I keep catching Matt stealing glances at me. I keep noticing his eyes scanning across my legs, skimming over my dress. It’s enough to force me to cross my legs, not because i’m uncomfortable but because i’m desperate to relieve some of the tension.

We park into the restaurant Matt brought us to, my heart palpitates once I realize just where he brought us. It’s not a restaurant, it’s a diner. It was our favorite place to go to the last few summers. Matt and I would come out here every weekend and get a banana milkshake and share a slice of cherry pie.

“Aw Matt you must not hate me completely!” I say sarcastically as i slap his shoulder playfully and get out of the car. Matt gets out and follows behind me up the sidewalk and I feel his hand on my lower back.

“I don’t hate you at all y/n.” He says quietly from beside me.

“It’s more complicated than that” He says before ruffling my hair and picking up his pace to get in front of me to open the glass door to the diner.

When i walk in, in front of him, I don’t say anything and just immediately head for the booth in the corner we always sat at. The red leather booths and white tables are all still the same, the dim lights barely doing anything although they don’t necessarily need to considering the summer sun lights up the place all by its self.

Matt sits down in front of me, sliding into the booth with ease. The waitress almost immediately comes up behind us. “Jill!” i say happily not knowing that she still worked here, she’s worked here since we were kids and was always the sweetest.

“Y/n and Matt… why haven’t i seen you two in here in so long?” she says, her wrinkles more apparent now from the last time i saw her, the gray in her hair showing more.

“Oh uh” I start stuttering, not knowing what to say

“Sorry jill, y/n got diagnosed with lactose intolerance. She kept farting so we stopped coming in here!” Matt says smiling deviously.

“That- that is-“ I start to protest but stop. “That’s right. Yup, blew my britches away!” I say laughing towards jill but side eyeing Matt with all i could muster. Jill smiles and nods but looks suspicious.

“So what’ll it be?” she asks us, her pen and pad ready.

“Two banana shakes with extra cherries and a piece of cherry pie.” Matt says quickly, ordering the exact order we always got.

Jill arches a brow. “I thought you said she’s lactose int-“ she starts to question but I cut her off.

“Oh just for old times sake! i’m taking a stomach pill too, i’ll be fine” i say giving her my cheesiest grin. She nods in agreement and walks away with our order.

As soon as she’s a few feet away Matt breaks out laughing.

“Seriously?!?” I say trying to act mad knowing i secretly want to laugh too.

Matt rolls his eyes at my obvious dramatics and leans up towards the table, resting his elbows on it. “So how bad are you at driving? You gonna wreck us immediately?” He asks with a smirk that i know all too well.

“Yeah haha so funny.” I snark back.

“You didn’t answer the question.” He says with raised eyebrows, waiting on my answer.

“No i’m not gonna wreck us…immediately.” I say the last word a bit quieter.

“hey i’m joking, i know you probably suck right now but that’s because you haven’t had one teach you that actually knows how to fucking drive. You’ll catch onto it fast. You always have been a quick learner” he says in a more serious tone. I notice his hand is not even an inch away from my mine and i jerk my hand back quickly. My movement makes his eyebrows jerk up and he looks like he’s about to say something but he stops when jill appears back with our shakes.

“Just a minute on the pie” she says smiling while handing us the pale yellow shakes with whipped cream and a two cherries on top.

We take our shakes and start to sip on them when jill walks off.

“Mmm” he moans in delight.

“Good?” i ask him smiling.

“yep” he says while chewing on the straw.

It’s silent for a moment as we just stare at each other. We haven’t held eye contact this long in months. My loud mouth just has to break the silence tho.

“Hey Matt, can i ask you something?” I can see something in his eyes change, he looks unsettled. Like he’s scared of the un-knowingness of what i’m gonna ask.

After he hums in agreement I muster up the courage to ask him. “Can we-“ i take a deep breath in. After a moment of him looking at me, as if he’s begging me to just say it. I chicken out. Like a fucking coward. I don’t want the pie anymore, i’m not hungry, i just want to go. “Can we go?” i say, stiffening my body. Matt’s face falls in disappointment and nods his head.

I watch him as he tells jill to put the pie in a box and he pays the bill before walking out in front of me without so much as looking at me.

I walk out behind him and I notice it’s going to storm soon. Clouds are forming and the sky is darkening so i get to the car quickly. I slide into the passenger seat, Matt throws the buckle over me quickly without touching me and i can tell his nostrils are flared like he’s angry but i choose not to say anything.

Again, I leave all of my feelings bottled up because i’m too scared of saying anything i feel.

We drive in silence and the only noise is the traffic surrounding us and the patter of my foot bouncing in anxiety. We get to the parking lot and thank goodness it’s mostly empty so theirs not much i could hit.

For a moment, it’s silent and Matts eyes dart over to mine and with the way he looks, I can’t tell if he’s about to cry, yell, or run away. It’s such a fragile situation and I don’t know what to do. Only to wait and see what he says.

“y/n…” He breathes out a sigh but his eyes flinch and he sits up straight. “Uh nevermind let’s get started, it’s about to rain.” He cannot be serious. I need him to say it because i’m too afraid to and I know. I know i’m selfish, I know i’m a coward but i still push at him.

“No, matt what was you gonna say?” I turn my body to his and I grab his wrist away from the ignition. His eyes shoot down to where i’m holding onto him but I don’t move, i keep my hand over his.

“I said never fucking mind” each word coming out like a needle against my skin. I can tell he sees the hurt in my eyes because his eyes quickly softens.

“I’m sorry” he says quietly, and i can see the conflict in his eyes. I want to know what’s going on in his head so fucking bad.

“No wait, i’m not sorry.” as he says this, the rain starts pattering against the windshield but I don’t move my eyes away from his.

“what?” i say, i’m not angry, just confused. I want him to let me in. I need him to let me in.

“Forget i said anything, I can’t have this conversation with you.” He says, shaking his head.

“Great it’s fucking raining! Now we can’t have our driving lessons because I don’t think you could drive on a normal road- hardly a wet one” He shouts, not at me, but at the wheel.

I don’t get hurt at his words because I can tell he’s not mad about the lesson, he’s not mad because i suck at driving but because we both want to say it but we don’t know the other one does. I’m almost completely sure Matt has feelings for me but i’m so scared that he doesn’t, that i stay silent. I think he feels the same way. I get the frustration. I’ve felt it too, although i think he’s felt it for much longer.

“Matt” I coo, bringing my hand up to the side of his neck. He immediately jerks away and starts to open the door.

“Fuck y/n, don’t touch me.” he spats out before quickly getting out of the car and stepping into the pouring rain that has tremendously picked up over the last two minutes. I quickly follow behind him and open the door.

“Matt, it’s pouring! Get back in the car!” I shout, trying to speak loud enough so that he can hear me over the rain.

We both are standing in front of the car, only maybe a foot and a half away from each other.

“say it Matt” I say sternly, feeling tears brew in my eyes. Matt only shakes his head no and looks as if he’s struggling to breathe.

“No y/n, I want to hear you. You fucking say it. Stop being such a coward y/n.”

I feel tears fall but i don’t think he can tell because of the raindrops also falling onto my face.

“Matt do you understand how much i’ve missed you? You were my best friend” I say, now sobbing and putting my heads on my head, moving my feet around taking small steps.

“You left me. You’ve looked at me like you’ve hated me ever since my sixteenth birthday and you’ve never even had the audacity to tell me why!” I shout at him.

Matt’s eyes grow huge and he looks so frustrated. “You cannot be serious. Do you seriously not know why?!” I flinch at how loud he’s yelling but shake my head no slowly

“My god y/n, I couldn’t be around you, not after-“ he stops.

i shake my head in confusion. “What Matt?! after what?!”

“After you told me that you didn’t want to fucking talk about the fact that i’m in love with you! You didn’t care about me. Or my feelings, you didn’t care that i’d suffer just because you didn’t want our friendship to change. Hell, you could’ve at least rejected me and moved on but y/n…i couldn’t be just your friend. Not after that. So yes, i kept away. Also, for fucks sake, i wasn’t looking at you with hatred. Anytime you’d come into view, it made me want to curl up into a fucking ball and never come out because I had to look at you and know that i could never have you. Do you know how much that fucking hurts?!”

The rain pouring down coating Matt’s brown hair making it droop down onto his forehead makes it hard to read his expression but I can still tell what he’s feeling right now. I always have been able to just know.

“Matt- You have got to believe me when i tell you i didn’t know. I didn’t know, even on my birthday when Blake said all of that, yes i thought you might’ve just found me attractive sometimes or something, but i didn’t want to talk about it because i thought you was embarrassed and it would be awkward or- fuck i don’t know. But Matt-“ I start laughing, unable to contain how funny i find the absolutely ironic situation we’re in right now.

“You find this funny?” he asks me

“No, No- actually well- it kind of is because- Matt I love you, so fucking much and ever since you stopped being my best friend, i had to see you and it was complete and total agony because like you said earlier- i’m a coward Matt. And i’ve been completely oblivious to the way you’ve felt about me and i didn’t want things to change- so I didn’t say anything. But now I’m telling you, I miss you and I love you and I don’t want to be your friend Matt. “

I finish off breathlessly, panting, trying to draw in air without the droplets of rain.

Matt comes closer and places his hands on the sides of me head before moving the wet hair off of my face.

“I think that we are both fucking idiots and waisted eleven months of what could’ve been filled with this” And then his lips are crashing onto mine, the kiss is rough and desperate as Matt tugs and nips on my lips with his teeth. His lips are soft and pillowy like I’ve always thought they would be. I can’t help but to think about how long i’ve wanted this, how long ever both wanted this. It feels just as good, and right, as i thought it would.

After a few more moments, Matt pulls away, leaving a mix of saliva and rain on my lips.

“Let’s go before we get pneumonia” Matt says laughing as he pulls me towards his car.

I slide into the passenger seat, my dress dripping and my hair plastered to my skin with rain. Matt gets in and reaches over to buckle my seatbelt. I smile at the gesture and he rolls his eyes before turning on the ignition.

“Will you still take me out driving tomorrow?” I ask.

“Yeah of course” he says as he starts to back out, placing his right arm on the headrest of my seat and turning his neck back to see out the back window. The sight makes me shift in my seat. His veins in his arms are drool worthy and the way his clothes are sticking to him, really helps my imagination.

“y/n” he deadpans, turning back around.

“Hm?” I ask, snapping out of my thoughts.

“your staring.” he says, smirking.

“i’m allowed to.” I say smiling.

“Since when?” He asks while pulling out of the parking lot.

“since you became my boyfriend.” I say smiling dramatically.

“Oh yeah? what do i get?” Matt asks smirking.

“Hmm, we’ll see.” I shrug.

#chris sturniolo #christopher sturniolo #matt sturniolo #nick sturniolo #nicolas sturniolo #sturniolo smut #sturniolo triplets #sturniolos #matt sturniolo smut #chris sturniolo oneshot

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justagalwhowrites · 11 months

Text

Lavender - Ch. 25

You bond with a student and try to take matters into your own hands at the clinic. A continuation of Lavender Ch. 1-24 found on Tumblr here.

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader

Warnings: Smut! (Unprotected P in V sex - don't be dumb), canon typical violence. No use of Y/N. Minors DNI, 18+.

Length: 5.6k

Tuesday, September 14, 2021 - Five and a Half Years Later

“So fucking cool.”

The small girl standing in the corner of your classroom hadn’t noticed you yet.

You’d gone down to refill your water bottle at the start of your lunch period, leaving an empty classroom and coming back to find a girl you didn’t know running her fingers over the worn spines of the books on the bookshelf you’d made out of scrap wood and cinderblocks. You just watched her silently for a moment, leaning against the doorframe, as she worked her way to the mural of the solar system you had on one wall. You’d been meaning to touch it up but it kept falling to the bottom of the list of things to get done.

The girl didn’t seem to mind, craning her neck as she took it in.

“Strong language,” you said, finally speaking up. She jumped and spun, her eyes wide.

“Shit,” she said. You smiled.

“I don’t bite,” you said, pushing off the doorframe and going for your desk. “Though I’d appreciate if you cut down on the swearing in my classroom.”

“Sorry,” she said. She looked around the room a bit more, her fingers tapping on desks as she did.

“You’re not one of my students,” you said, sitting down and taking a sip of water before grabbing some jerky out of your bag.

“How do you know?” She frowned.

“Well, I know my students, for starters,” you smiled a little. “But also, I’m guessing you’re a year or two young for my classes yet. How old are you?”

“I’m 12,” she said. “I think, anyway. Not really sure about my birth date.”

You nodded slowly.

“So you’re not one of my students,” you said, watching her. “And you’re too young to be in my classes. But you’re in my classroom. So, tiny human, what brings you by?”

She smiled a little at the title.

“I had some science questions and my friend told me that I should come talk to you because you were cool,” she said. “And that you’d probably help me find the shi…stuff I was looking for.”

“Dang,” you shook your head.

She frowned.

“What?”

“Your friend said I was cool?” You asked. She nodded. “Well now I’m going to just have to do whatever you want, my primary goal has always been to make teenagers think I’m cool. Who’s your friend?”

“Riley?” She asked it more than said it.

“Dang,” you said again. “Riley’s a good kid, that makes it worse. Alright, what do you want to know about?”

“She said everyone calls you Doc,” she said. “So are you like a doctor doctor or someone who just got a bunch of degrees and shi…stuff before the world ended?”

“Doctor doctor,” you said. “So if you have questions about biology, I’m your gal. Other stuff I might need to do some research on.”

“Oh,” her face fell a little bit.

“I can do some research though,” you shrugged. “I like research.”

“Yeah?”

“Yup,” you nodded. “Pretty much the whole reason I became a scientist to begin with, research is fun. So tell me what you want to know about and I’ll see what I can find for you.”

“I really want to know about space,” she said, sitting at the desk closest to yours in the front row. “It’s just so fuck…freaking cool and huge and we only just started sending people up there before the world ended and we never really got to do anything with it…”

“Space is very cool,” you said, getting up from your desk and going to the bookshelves. “I lived in Texas for a while. I went to the space center in Houston with a friend and his daughter once. Definitely something to see…. How comfortable are you reading? Do you like reading? Good at it?”

“Reading’s cool,” she shrugged. “I like comics best but I read other stuff, too.”

“If I’m grabbing anything that’s too hard, just let me know,” you said. “Any specific questions you have about space?”

“Mostly what people actually did up there,” she said. “People left the freakin’ planet, do you know how cool that is?”

You smiled a little. That was pretty cool.

“OK,” you said, making a small pile of magazines and one book. “These are the magazines I have that talk about space a lot. Give those a read, tell me what you think is most interesting and I’ll find you more about that. Go ahead and make a list about any questions you have, too. Either words or concepts you don’t know or anything you want more information about, I’ll see what I can answer for you and then I’ll find you answers for the rest. And then, for fun, there’s A Wrinkle in Time, a book about traveling through space time. I think you’ll like Meg, she’s the best.”

You grabbed a clipboard with a piece of paper and a pen on it, handing it to her.

“I’m afraid I’m going to need your name to loan these out to you, though,” you said. “Put your name, the date, and just write space stuff on the ‘what I’m borrowing’ line, I’ll know what you mean.”

She took the clipboard and filled it out. You took it back, looking at her blocky writing.

“OK Ellie,” you handed her the pile. “Think you can come back by a week from today and bring back what you’ve finished? Doesn’t have to be everything, I just like keeping an eye on my library.”

“I can do that,” she nodded. She glanced quickly at a corner of your classroom where you’d set up some beanbags before looking back to you. “Thanks for…”

“Want to sit and read in the beanbags unit your next class?” You asked. Her face lit up. You smiled a little. “Go make yourself at home. You can come by here at lunch and read anytime you want, my door is open.”

“Cool,” she smiled, taking a magazine to the corner and flopping down on the bean bag. You pressed play on the tape deck at your desk, a mix tape that someone had probably made for a girlfriend decades ago but it had a good mix of music to it. You turned the volume down low and read while eating, glancing up at the small girl curled up on the beanbags now and then.

Ellie read, a serious look on her small face, until the bell rang. She looked surprised that time had passed so quickly but she gathered her things and stopped at your desk.

“It’s really OK if I just come here at lunch?” She asked. “Riley has a different lunch period than me this year so I don’t really have anyone to sit with…”

“Of course,” you smiled. “Come by anytime. And don’t forget to take those notes so we can do some research, OK?”

“Yeah,” she nodded. “Thanks, Doc.”

You hoped Ellie would keep coming back. She was clearly a bright and curious kid, this school was almost certainly failing her at every opportunity.

The school had never been great. It was part of the reason why you stayed, you felt someone needed to be invested in the students and their education and if no one else was going to do it you were. But it had been steadily declining the last few years, just like the rest of the QZ.

A lot of infrastructure that had just been hanging on since the outbreak started to fold around the 15 year mark, more now that you were closing in on 20. It had been two years since you’d last had hot water, the hot water heater in your apartment going out after being repaired half a dozen times in the years prior. It finally gave up the ghost and so, too, had hot showers. Buildings badly needed repair and maintenance and the Fireflies had continued to make things worse by blowing up the stuff that didn’t.

It seemed like the school you taught at now was just doing what it could to bring students up to be soldiers, not give them a proper education. When you’d started here, FEDRA needed people who could do a multitude of things, so a comprehensive education was necessary. The last few years, they just wanted muscle. Muscle didn’t need to know about the nervous system or the water cycle or the history of the United States. You were half waiting for FEDRA to drop all the pretext and stop educating students entirely. But, in the mean time, you tried to make your classroom a safe space for them, give them access to as much information as you possibly could.

Your value to the QZ as a doctor gave you some leeway here, too. You were pretty sure they wouldn’t tolerate your methods and would just do away with you if you weren’t one of the few medical resources the QZ had.

Of course, that value was seeming more and more limited now, too. FEDRA kept cutting back on resources. Most of the drugs that came in were opioids now, hardly anything for actual treatment, just managing symptoms. Tess was checking pharmacies for you on every run now and you were going out more and more frequently to find what you needed - Joel a silent wall who pretended you didn’t exist and you mostly happy to do the same. Even though you caught yourself looking at him more often than you cared to admit.

Derek was less than thrilled with the situation. He still didn’t know much about Joel - your history became even easier to hide once you started actively avoiding him again - but he didn’t like your leaving the QZ so much.

“There has to be another option,” he said one night as you were getting ready for bed, your bag packed and ready to leave in the morning. “It’s dangerous out there…”

“Trust me, I’m not exactly itching to go out there,” you said, rubbing the lotion you’d left at Derek’s house into your hands before climbing into bed. “It’s hardly a picnic. But FEDRA hasn’t really given me another choice.”

“Do you think other QZs have people out risking their lives to see what drugs they can scavenge?” He asked without giving you a chance to answer as he got into bed beside you. “Because I can just about promise you, they don’t. It’s not reasonable for you to be going out there all the time, you can’t help anybody if you get yourself killed…”

“Then I’ll just try really hard not to die,” you kissed him. “It doesn’t matter if no one else is out there doing what I’m doing. I just can’t live with myself if I’m not doing everything I can. Soon things will be gone or so far out of date that they’re useless regardless of dosage so this is kind of a finite thing, anyway. But for now we have these resources so I intend to use them.”

“I still don’t like it…”

“Can we not fight the night before I leave?” You asked, pressing yourself against him. “I can think of way better ways to spend our time…”

You kissed him and, at first, he reluctantly kissed you back. But it didn’t take long before his hand went to your ass, fingers sinking into your flesh, pulling your hips tight to his. He rolled you onto your back, nestling himself between your legs as your arms went around his neck, grinding his hips down against yours. You groaned into his mouth as his hands slid down your body to your underwear, hooking his fingers in them and tugging them down, tossing them aside before sinking two fingers into you.

“See?” You said, grinding against his hand. “Way better than fighting.”

He just bit your lower lip in response, making you laugh. You shoved his pants down before nudging him into sitting up. You moved with him, straddling him, reaching between your bodies to grip his cock while his thumb rubbed your clit. He quickly added two fingers to your pussy, pressing into you firmly as he kissed down to your breasts, taking a nipple in his mouth. You rose up on your knees just enough to notch his head against your entrance and slowly took him inside you, his face buried in your neck as you did.

You rode him slowly, rising and falling on him in long, firm strokes as his hands and mouth ranged over your body, his hips pressing up into yours so his cock would bottom out inside you.

“Don’t want to lose you,” he groaned, his mouth against your throat.

“You won’t,” you gasped back, your body tightening around his cock. His arms went around your waist, pulling you so tight to him that the only way either of you could move was him thrusting up into you, his face buried in your chest. The tip of him pressed into the place inside you that made your head spin and you came around him with a shuddering gasp, his orgasm not far behind.

His grip on you loosened after he filled you, his head tipping back to look you in the eye.

“Promise you’re coming home to me, Love,” he said.

You kissed him gently.

“Promise.”

The trip had been relatively uneventful. You’d run into one group of raiders, but you’d heard them coming soon enough that you and Tess were able to stash yourselves safely away while Joel talked with them and they moved on, no blood spilt. You came home with only a few dozen usable bottles. You knew you had a year, maybe two left of being able to scavenge anything like this at all. You weren’t sure what anyone was going to do then.

You were still thinking about Ellie that afternoon at the clinic. It had been so long since you had a student seek out knowledge quite that aggressively. You really really hoped she came back. You were going to tell Andrew about her but he just looked exhausted.

“You practically have a kindergartener,” you teased. “There’s no way you can blame lack of sleep on the kid.”

“I can blame it on the future kid,” he groaned. “Jess was tossing and turning all night, she’s at the severe discomfort stage.”

“As a medical professional, I can tell you that all stages of pregnancy are the severe discomfort stage,” you smiled. He glared at you. “But yeah, she’s getting pretty far along.”

“I think she’s ready to come here, hand you a scalpel and say ‘please cut this thing out of me,’” he said. “She’s so done, wants to have the baby here and skip the rest of the pregnancy and labor part.”

“If only,” you said. “How is young Miss Elizabeth by the way? I haven’t seen her this week.”

“Eating everything in sight,” he said. “Think she’s having another growth spurt…”

“Does she need cookies?” You asked. “Because I can make cookies.”

You’d become enraptured with Andrew and Jess’ daughter, Elizabeth, from the second she was born. You could watch her do anything and everything, wanted to give her whatever her heart desired.

Jess had asked for you and Andrew with her when she gave birth and watching that little girl draw her first breath had been one of the best moments of your life, even as it was tinged in the bittersweet thought that you’d never experience that with your own child. They’d named her Elizabeth, after Jess’ mom, but had given her the middle name Sarah in honor of the girl who you’d loved like a daughter. You sobbed the first time you held her, her soft perfection blurry behind your tears.

“I think we will pass on the sugar high, thank you Auntie Doc,” he smiled.

“Hey Doc,” Kristen hung her torso into the waiting room. “Need you on a consult.”

“Cookie offer still stands,” you said as you headed back. “If she wants cookies, I’ll make cookies.”

You could practically hear him roll his eyes. You looked to Kristen.

“Whatcha got?” You asked.

“Well, it’s basic,” she said, keeping her voice low. “But there’s a pattern…”

She opened up the chart. It was for a woman you’d treated before, Penny. Small things over the past few years, a few broken bones, lacerations that needed stitches… You frowned at the locations, the frequency.

“I see what you mean,” you said. “What’s her living situation?”

“Just her and her husband,” she said. “But he’s a guard…”

“Shit,” you sighed.

“Doc,” she looked at you. “It’s bad this time. I’ve tried to do safety checks before but…”

“I got it,” you sighed, heading to the door. You knocked once and let yourself in.

“Hi Penny,” you smiled, forcing yourself to hold it. She’d gotten the shit beat out of her. One eye was swollen shut, there were bruises around her throat. Kristen had already set a broken wrist. “How are you doing today?”

“Oh, I’ve been better,” she tried to smile but her cut cheek kept it for being too wide. You did a few quick checks, seeing if she had signs of a concussion or internal bleeding before pulling up a stool next to the exam table.

“So,” you said, looking at her. “Want to tell me what happened?”

“It’s not that bad,” she said quickly, but her eyes were welling up with tears. “Really, I just…” She started sobbing. “I don’t know what to do, he’s a guard so no one will arrest him, I can’t just leave town…”

“Hey,” you said, putting a hand gently on her knee. “I understand, OK? We’re going to figure the out. To start, we’re going to keep you overnight at least for observation. Maybe a few nights. Maybe a week. I’ll try to see what we can get worked out in the meantime, but for now, you’re going to be safe and in here, OK?”

“Yeah,” she nodded. “OK.”

You gave Kristen a few instructions and went back out to the front. No one was in the waiting room, but you lowered your voice, anyway.

“Andrew,” you said, standing close to him. “I need you to find Penny’s emergency contact sheet, find out who her husband is.”

“Yeah, sure,” he said with a frown, going over toward filing. You hovered by the front desk, trying to think of a solution.

The QZ was small, too small for her to stay hidden for long. You could maybe see if she could travel as a passenger on a convoy headed to Atlanta under a different name. Elias might be able to make that happen. Then it would just be a matter of hoping that no one traveling with her knew her or her husband, especially not the guards. And that you could get her out of the city before he fucking killed her. You sighed. It seemed like things that were problems before the outbreak were just bigger problems now. Like the world had decided to go to shit in the most extreme way it could possibly find.

You still hadn’t come up with a solution the next day beyond keeping Penny in the clinic for a bit to at least keep her out of harm’s way for now. She was getting anxious, though, certain that her husband was going to track her down and cause problems.

She was right. That evening, you were in with a patient when you heard some screaming from the entry, a man’s unfamiliar voice and Andrew’s forceful baritone back.

“Excuse me,” you smiled to the woman you were treating before peeling off your gloves and leaving the exam room. There was a heat in you, building, spreading through your body. White hot, vengeful, righteous. You’d fought for years to make this place safe and someone was threatening it.

You ducked into a surgical suite on the way and grabbed a scalpel from an area that hadn’t been sterilized yet, holding the handle in your fist like a talisman. You went into the waiting area to find a man in a guard’s uniform - hulking, at least six feet tall - screaming at Andrew, who was standing behind the desk.

“I will burn this fucking place to the ground if you don’t bring me my goddamn wife!” He yelled.

“Hey!” You yelled, stalking up to him. He turned his attention to you quickly. “Get the fuck out of my clinic before I make you get the fuck out of my clinic!”

“The fuck you going to do about it?” He started toward you and you whipped the scalpel forward, slicing the palm of his hand. He hissed, yanking it back in surprise and you took the opportunity to put the blade to his throat.

“That,” you snapped. “Get the fuck out.”

He scowled at you.

“This isn’t over.”

“It is for now,” you said. “Leave.”

He held your gaze for a second, spittle on his lips, before he stepped back.

“Fucking kill you too, you little bitch,” he stalked off.

The second he was out of the door, you looked around. Everyone in the waiting room had cowered back into a corner.

“Everyone OK?” You asked. No one said otherwise. Andrew just looked at you.

“Alright,” he said, coming over and putting his arm around your shoulders. “Come on…”

He steered you into the break room before carefully pulling the scalpel from your hand.

“You good?” He asked, searching your face. You realized then that your hands were shaking. “Yeah, didn’t think so, where the hell did that come from?”

“I don’t know,” you were hyperventilating. “I just heard him, I knew it was him, I knew what he was after and I just wasn’t going to let him hurt anyone here on my watch and the only thing I could think to do was that…”

“Look, I love that you threatened to shank a FEDRA guard,” he said. “That’s the dream. But he’s going to come back and if the guards won’t do anything…”

“I know,” you were shaking. He pulled you into his chest.

“It’ll be OK,” he said, stroking your hair. “We’ll talk to Elias, there has to be something we can do…”

You just nodded into his chest. But you had a different idea, one that you couldn’t afford to bring Andrew in on.

You ducked out of work a few minutes early. Andrew had volunteered to stay the night to fend off any potential acts of aggression. It made you nervous but he could handle himself. There were weapons on site in case of an outbreak, so he was armed and ready at least. You, on the other hand, walked straight to Joel’s.

He opened the door quickly when you knocked, frowning when he saw you standing there.

“Tess ain’t here,” he said.

“Not here for Tess,” you replied. “Here to talk to you. I’m calling in a favor, think you owe me a few at this point, Miller.”

He sighed, opening the door and letting you in.

***

You refused to properly sit down, instead just leaning back against his kitchen counter as he stood opposite you, a glass of whiskey in his hand.

To say he was surprised to see you was an understatement. You tolerated him on trips outside the QZ but said as little to him as you possibly could. You’d made it very clear that you were done with him. It killed him every time.

“What do you want?” He asked, as though he would drive some kind of hard bargain. As though he wouldn’t just give you whatever you asked for.

“I need you to tell me how to kill a person,” you said, chin out, defiant. “In a ‘make them disappear’ way.”

He looked you up and down. He knew you were in your 40s now but you didn’t look it. Even after all the years in the QZ there was still something soft about you, something safe and warm and kind. You weren’t a killer.

“Why?” He asked.

“I have a patient,” you replied. “Her husband damn near killed her. Came into the clinic today threatening to burn the place down if we didn’t give her to him. I had to put a scalpel to his throat to get him to leave…”

“Tell the guard,” he shrugged, watching you closely.

“He is a guard,” you replied, shaking your head. “They won’t take down one of their own. He threatened to kill me today as he was leaving… I’ve thought about it and the only way to do this is to kill him. But I’ve only ever shot infected or euthanized people, I’ve never… I don’t know how to do what you do. I need you to tell me so I can do it.”

His jaw tensed as he strained to hold himself back. Someone had threatened to hurt you - a guard, no less - and you just wanted a guidebook on how to handle it yourself.

“No,” he said firmly.

“What do you mean no?” You snapped. “Like I said, I think you owe me a favor or two at this point, Miller, I’ve spent a decade and a half helping to keep you alive…”

“Derek know you’re asking for this?” He asked, all but spitting the man’s name out. He had no reason to, he seemed like a decent enough guy. He just got to touch you and he hated him for it.

Honestly, Joel owed Derek at least a thank you. He’d picked you up with Tess from Derek’s one morning to go on a run and Derek had invited them into his apartment while you grabbed something you’d left in his bedroom. There were photos spread out on the kitchen table. Joel caught a glimpse of one of you. You didn’t look like you even knew the photo was being taken. You were folded into a threadbare armchair, a book in your hands. Your hair was a little wild, a ribbon holding it back from your face. You legs were bare, he could just see a hint of tank top and cleavage over the top of the book. Your face was the real draw though, totally absorbed, as though there was nothing outside of you and the page in front of you in the world. He hadn’t seen you like that in years. When Derek turned his back, he pocketed the photo.

“Why would Derek know?” You asked. “He’s not involved. No one knows I’m asking for this and I’m just trusting that you won’t turn me into FEDRA for it. Tell me how to make someone disappear.”

“Can’t just tell you how to kill someone like that, Kid,” he said, crossing his arms. You opened your mouth to protest but he cut you off. “What’s his name.”

“What?” You frowned.

“His name.” He said. “Give me the name, where I can find him. I’ll take care of it.”

Your eyebrows knitted together.

“No,” you shook your head. “I’m not asking you to kill someone for me, I can handle my own shit…”

“No, you can’t,” he said. “You really think you can just kill a guard? You, who hates killin’ and hurtin’ anything thinks you’re going to just waltz into some guard’s living room and put him out?”

You glared at him.

“You’re right,” he said. “I owe ya. I owe ya a lot. Give me the name.”

“You know what, Joel,” you snapped. “If you don’t respect me, just say so, OK?”

“Never said I don’t respect you,” he frowned, confused. Ever since you’d found out he’d sent Tommy away, you automatically jumped to the worst possible conclusion about anything he said or did.

“You respect strength and skill and you clearly don’t think I have any,” you snapped. “I still know you, Joel…”

“Apparently you don’t if you think I don’t respect ya,” he snapped, closing the distance between you quickly, caging you back against the cabinets. Your breath hitched. “I know you’re smart, I know you’re capable and I know you’re not a fuckin’ killer, let me keep you from turnin’ into one and give me the goddamn name!”

His body was against yours for the first time in years. You still felt the same against him. He still wanted to touch and hold you in the same places, still wanted to knot his fingers in your hair and kiss you until your lips were swollen with it. You still smelled like lavender. You still would rip him open and destroy him if he let you.

You slowly reached into your pocket and pulled out a small piece of paper with a name and address. Your eyes never left Joel’s. He took it, stepping back from you.

“I’ll take care of ‘em,” he said, putting it in his pocket.

“Joel,” you said softly.

“You should go home,” he said. “Make sure you’re in before curfew.”

You nodded once.

“Thank you,” you said quietly as you turned to leave.

Joel waited until he knew you were gone to fuck his hand while thinking about sinking into you. What would have happened if he’d kissed you. How he’d have held your face, touched your breasts, fingered you until you came around him. The sounds you made when he ate you until he was drowning in you. The way you felt when you came around his cock as he drove deep inside you, so wrapped up in you that he almost didn’t know where he ended and you began. He came harder than he had in months, the memory of the feel of your body against his so close but so far.

Joel got an early start the next day, going and waiting near the address you’d given him. He watched a man come outside and shook his head. He was huge, he’d have taken you apart. It would have been almost funny, you thinking you could kill this man without the help of a gun, if he hadn’t threatened to kill you.

He let the rage fill him then, soaking in the heat of it. Killing this man would be justice. Killing this man would be a good thing. Killing this man would protect you.

He came along side him, glancing to his name tag before he took his knife and put his arm around the man’s shoulders, pressing the knife into his side.

“What the…”

“Shut the fuck up or I’ll kill you on the street,” Joel snapped. “Walk with me.”

He steered him into an abandoned building, taking him toward the center of it.

“You don’t know what the fuck you’re doing,” the man snapped. Joel shoved him into the room.

“You beat your wife?” He asked. The man just blinked at him in shock. “Say you’re going to burn down the clinic? Threaten to kill a doctor?”

“That fuckin’ cunt send you?” He snapped. Joel wasn’t sure if he was talking about you or his wife but he didn’t care. “Look, I don’t have any problem with you…”

“I’ve got one with you,” Joel said. “You threatened her so I’ve got a big fuckin' problem with you.”

“That little doctor bitch?” He snapped. He was getting worried now. Joel liked it. “I’m sorry about that, OK? If that’s your problem, nothing needs to happen with her, I’ll leave her be, I just want my fuckin’ wife back…”

“That’s not how it works,” Joel shook his head. “I don’t take risks with her, not with pieces of shit like you.”

The man tried to charge him but he sidestepped him and thrust the knife into his gut, twisting and pressing it deep as the man gasped in shock. He felt the blood spill onto his hand and he pushed the man to the ground. He yanked his knife free as the man gasped and blinked up at him in shock.

“Now,” Joel knelt beside him. “You’re lucky, You hadn’t hurt her yet, or this would be worse. Sounds like you deserve worse, anyway, but…” he shrugged. “Rather be quick with it.”

He slit his throat and waited until he was sure he was dead before he cleaned his knife on the man’s clothes and grabbed the blood splattered velcro name tag from the man’s uniform. He pocketed it, gave himself a once over to ensure he’d missed the worst of the blood, and left him there. With the building’s state, it would likely be weeks before they found him, if at all.

That afternoon, he went to the clinic. Andrew frowned at him.

“She here?” He asked gruffly.

“I’ll grab her,” he said, looking Joel up and down for a moment before disappearing into the back. He came out with you and you just froze in the doorway to the exam rooms.

Joel allowed himself a second to just look at you. He’d always liked how you dressed the days that you both taught and were at the clinic - a combination of bright and cheerful for your students and professional and serious for your patients. It seemed most like you. His mind lingered on the feeling of unbuttoning your shirt when you got home, feeling how you melted against him after your long day.

He wordlessly walked over to you, pulled the name tag out of his pocket and pressed it into your palm. You looked down at it for a moment, running your fingers over the stitching before looking back up at him.

“Thank you,” you said softly.

He just nodded once and left before he gave into his urge to touch you.

A/N: YES THAT'S RIGHT WE HAVE ELLIE! WE'RE GETTING SO CLOSE!

Next chapter will likely be the last all pre-canon QZ based chapter (maybe one more after but I doubt what I have planned to wrap up all the OC QZ stuff will take more than one chapter) and then we will be off on the quest to bring Ellie west :D

(Also note, though it wasn't by name, Ellie heard her first Joel story today, did you catch it?)

I have a taglist, please let me know if you'd like to be added by commenting below :)

Thank you, as always, for reading and interacting! Love you all :)

Taglist: @paleidiot@ayamenimthiriel@ginger-swag-rapunzel@drewharrisonwriter@flugazi @pedropascalsbbg@taoyuji@starstruckmusiciansartghost@splendsay@bigboiseason123@jpbplvr @ashleyandring @mrsyixingunicorn10@sloanexx@ninaminaromina @lady-bellyn @hufflepuffriver @sarap-77 @storyarcscribe @mellymbee @jasminedragoon @lemonmeli @reds-ramblings@arizonadaydreamer@mumma-moonchild@blackroseguzzi

#fanfic #joel miller x female reader #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #smut fic

198 notes · View notes

olderthannetfic · 7 months

Note

re people regretting transition or detransitioning.

My little cousin experimented with gender for a bit in her late teens before deciding that she was a cis girl after all. The experiment involved clothes shopping, a haircut, and asking her friends to call her by different pronouns, and lasted for maybe two months tops.

Some of my our family members are generally supportive of that, and view it quite reasonably as a young person exploring various options before finding herself. The dumber and meaner ones, on the other hand, say she detransitioned and is proof that trans people are just playing around and that anyone teen who transitions will come to regret it.

And then they turn around and say they're happy for me and proud of my transition. Because I didn't get anything figured out until I was well into my twenties, and I didn't get to start HRT until I was past 30. These family members are actually dumb enough to think it's an age thing, and that my having to suffer for decades was somehow a good thing.

If the "worst" that happens as a side effect of trans acceptance is a bunch of teenagers getting dumb haircuts and wasting a few hundred bucks on clothes they won't wear again, I don't see how that's a negative side effect at all. That's just what teenagers do.

Grrr. Fucking assholes.

A lot of the "Oh noes, what if you regret it?" stuff comes with a huge side of "What if your WOMB is no longer able to make BABIES after you POISON yourself?" nonsense too. I see plenty of transphobia of all sorts in all directions, but the specific fretting over transition is so, so, so often about how every uterus should be used as a baby factory. People say this shit with a straight face who would never support that idea if you forced them to face the subtext of what they're saying.

There are, genuinely, rare people who do regret it, but it's way more common that someone either experiments with entirely reversible things or takes hormones for a while and then decides to stop taking hormones without actually characterizing it as "regret" themselves.

It's usually other people imposing that narrative from the outside, aside from rare cases where there was some level of coercion to do medical procedures the person was never that into in the first place (e.g. transitioning in order to be legally allowed to change pronouns on ID or getting a boob job at a partner's behest—a thing that afflicts cis women too).

I remember a friend from school years ago going "What if I'm wrong?" and even at the time, I was like "But what if you're right and then spend 20 years waiting to be sure while being miserable?"

In this, as in most other big life decisions, I think you should take your best shot, not second guess yourself, and if you change your mind years later, you can deal with that then. But yes, so many people think there's some sort of virtue in decades of misery as you either can't figure out what's wrong or know what's wrong and are denied access to medical care.

I questioned my gender in my teens back in the 90s. I just didn't do anything that made other people particularly aware of it at the time and ended up deciding that gender is a big lie and who cares. This is probably more common than people think.

The main upshot was that I ended up reading an incredibly dense book of journal articles on third gender roles that was a bit of a headache for a 14-year-old.

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newtdrawz · 6 months

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Ponyboy and Steve relationship (not ship) headcanons, plz😁😁😁

Omg yess ofc I love these two 🙏 big brother figure number 3 LETS GO 💪💪💪

Ok first of all, it was SO difficult to get a picture of these two omg 😭😭 it's like there's 0 good pictures of them together which is a crime 😭 (from pinterest like all the other pictures are)

Ok so!!! These two are insane ❤️

These two argue constantly,, you would think by the way they argue that they'd actually be related or SOMETHING 😭 but they're not Steve's just some guy arguing with his best friends little bro 😭

They will find literally anything to argue over, the gang actually has a "how long can Steve and Ponyboy go without arguing over something dumb" bet (Dally always wins because half the time he's starting the arguments between the two cuz he thinks it's funny)

They try not to argue infront of Soda tho cuz he obviously loves his brother and his best friend and wants them to get along

They do actually get along sometimes tho

Steve will give Pony rides to school and once in a great while he'll give him rides home, he does this only if Pony hasn't annoyed him for a bit 😭😭

Steve, like Two-bit and Dally, will watch over Pony when Darry and Soda aren't around. He usually does it more at a distance instead of upfront like Dal and Two. Cuz Steve really does care about him deep down and he doesn't want him to get into too much trouble. Mostly at school he'll keep an eye on him, making sure no ones messing with him or if he so happens to come to the DX and Soda's busy he'll watch him from the corner of his eye to make sure he doesn't do something stupid lol

Pony wouldn't admit it to him but he does genuinely think Steve's fun to be around, he does enjoy hanging out/tagging along with Soda and Steve

When Steve's done complaining about Pony coming with them he also genuinely has fun with both Pony and Soda lol

So Soda literally doesn't understand why they BOTH complain about hanging out together and then they both end up having a great time 😭

For real tho these two do care about each other

When Pony starts going to rumbles and Dally and Johnny aren't there anymore he'll mostly stay by Pony when his brothers can't

The two always do this checklist thing before they leave the Curtis's or anywhere (PB: you got your keys? St: yeah, you got your blade? Pb: yup, you got yours? St: uh huh.) (It was a subtle way for Steve to make sure Pony started carrying a blade and it was another subtle way for Pony to make sure Steve didn't lose his keys lol)

Steve, along with Darry, was really "annoying" (annoying to a 14 year old lol) about NOT walking around on his own, he'd "reluctantly" offer to walk Pony places or drive him if he could

Giving a gift to Steve is the hardest thing on the planet for the gang

Pony one year for Steve's birthday drew a picture of Soda and Steve and gave it to him and Steve actually really loved it. (Soda nearly cried lol)

He keeps it in a frame Two-bit stole for him lol

I think this is all I really have for them 😞

I wish I had more, hopefully soon I can come up with more hc's and I can update this post cuz I really do love their friendship/the potential their friendship has. I've read a really good fic abt them being friends and how Steve really did care for him lol sorry for such a short post tho 😞🙏 promise to add more when I can!!!

#the outsiders #ponyboy curtis #sodapop curtis #steve randle #the outsiders headcanons #outsiders headcanons #Ponyboy and steve #the outsiders sodapop #the outsiders ponyboy #the outsiders steve #they are besties #but they hate each other #but they're besties

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lvrsparadise · 5 months

Text

'IVY' - M.S

synopsis - "i thought that i was dreaming when you said you love me"

warnings! - kissing (makeout), profanity, shitty ending bc i didn't know how to end it lmao, i think that's it!

A/N - so, tomorrow is my grandparent's memorial and i have to sit in a car for four hours. i love this, other than most of the ending, was kinda stumped w that one. pink + white is planned but i don't know how to put what i want into words, so if anyone wants to know the plot and help, please dm!! love y'all!

!3rd person!

-5 years ago-

Matt smiled as he flung the stick into the water, looking to his best friend who stood next to him afterwards.

“How was that one?” The pair was maybe 14 or 15, not quite old enough to be out by themselves, but yet here they were, out at 2 in the morning.

“That one was a little bit better. I think the problem is that you’re throwing a stick.” She laughed and bent down to grab a rock before flinging it into the water, the rock going impressively far.

“Oh. Yeah that might be it.” He chuckles at his own dumb actions but shuts up as he watches her throw the rock in awe.

“That was a really good throw.”

“Thanks.” They turned to each other with huge smiles on their faces for a few seconds before bursting out laughing for no reason, just for the laughs.

After calming down from their laughing fit, the pair lays in the grass next to each other, looking at the stars.

“Are you going to get married one day?” It was such a wide and complex question for a 15 year old, but Matt couldn’t help but ponder at the question as he turned his head to the girl lying next to him.

“I don’t know. Maybe. Maybe I’ll marry you one day.” Those were serious words for Matt, but to help the mood, he laughs at it and soon the girl joins him.

“Maybe. Who knows what the future holds.”

----

-Present day-

!Reader’s POV!

I let out a breath and watched as the air left my mouth in the cold air.

I check my phone again.

Maybe he forgot?

I sigh. There’s no way Matt would’ve forgotten to come pick me up, he must be busy then.

I shoot off another text, this time to Chris.

Me: are you guys busy rn? Chris: yeah, we’re stuck in a meeting, and everyone’s phone is dead but mine 🤦🏻‍♂�� Me: oh, okay. Just let me know when you’re out.

I drop my arm back to my side before looking around, again.

This is not how I planned to spend my afternoon. Waiting for a guy to come pick me up while I wait in the cold.

I mean, I get it. He’s a busy man, but that doesn’t stop a girl from hoping.

And what sucks, is there’s no benches around for miles. And there’s frost everywhere, and it’s cold.

---

!Matt POV!

This sucks. I should be on my way to pick her up. Not stuck in some useless surprise meeting.

I thought about going to the bathroom and just leaving, but then how would Chris and Nick get home?

I sigh and look at the clock, 5:53.

Only 7 more minutes.

Chris’s phone goes off, because he always has to have his ringer on.

“Sorry.” He mumbles as he picks it up and turns off his ringer, but he’s texting someone, that much I can tell.

Chris looks up at me from across the table. Seeming to have known what I was thinking, he mouths her name and it clicks.

I nod and turn my attention back to Laura as she’s wrapping up the meeting, cleaning up, all that fun stuff.

---

!Reader POV!

My phone buzzes in my hand and I’m quick to check it.

Chris: we’ll be out of here by 6, we’ll scoop you up on the way back to ours. Me: that works with me :)

I cross my arms over my chest, this sweatshirt was doing nothing for the cold biting at my skin.

Now, I wait.

After about 10-ish more minutes of waiting, I hear the music before I hear the car.

I roll my eyes and chuckle to myself at Chris’s choice of song before I see the car pull up in front of me.

“I’m sorry I didn’t come get you sooner, we got stuck in a surprise meeting.” Matt apologizes when he rolls down the window.

I just shrug and walk towards the car, going to the passenger side and getting in the backseat.

“It’s fine. I understand.” I smile at Matt through the rearview mirror as Chris turns the music back up and I hear Nick groan.

I sigh gratefully when I step inside the boys’ home, the familiar scent and warmth feeling like home.

We all walk into the living room and Nick splits to his room to edit and to shower while Chris goes to his room and Matt walks into the kitchen. I move to sit in my normal spot on the couch, covering myself in one of the blankets next to me.

“Better?” I look up to Matt and take the water bottle from his hands.

“Warmer.”

“Good.” He smiles and sits down next to me, grabbing the remote and turning the TV on, finding something to watch.

I rest my head on his shoulder as he puts on The Sandlot.

I faintly hear mumbling, and feel my body shaking softly.

“Hey, hey, wake up.” I lift my head and open my eyes, blinking them a few times before I can see again.

“Huh?” I must’ve fallen asleep, because what?

As if he could read my thoughts, Matt chuckles.

“Yes. You fell asleep.”

“Oh.” I rub my eyes and flip the blanket off of me, my body being warm from the mini, or not so mini, nap.

I hear Matt chuckle.

I re-open my eyes and look at Matt.

“You hungry?” As if on cue, my stomach growls quietly.

“Well now that you mention it.” I chuckle as he stands up from the couch and extends his hands to me. I take them and stand up, stretching as he goes and grabs the car keys.

I slip my shoes back on and we walk to the garage and get in the car.

After a bit of driving around, we found a lake like the one we had back home in Boston.

We get our food and we go sit at the picnic table near the water.

“We haven’t really had a lot of time together lately.”

I swallow the bite I was chewing and nod.

“Yeah, but it’s understandable, you know? You guys just got back from tour, a lot of tiredness, jet-lag, catching up on work.” I shrug.

“I know, but I feel like we just aren’t hanging out as much as we used to. And it feels weird.” I furrow my brows and take a sip of my drink.

“What d’you mean?”

“Well… I don’t know. It just feels off not having you around as much.” Then, something in my brain goes off that makes what he’s saying make sense.

“Are you trying to say you miss me?” I chuckle, even though this is a pretty serious thing.

“Well… I-” He sighs and thinks about it.

“I mean, I guess so. Although, I’m not sure how I miss someone who I see practically all the time.” We both laugh at that.

We go silent and just enjoy both our food and each other’s company.

I will admit, I haven’t really been around, but they did just get back from tour, a tour I couldn’t go on because of college.

“Well, I guess I have been a bit caught up in school work lately.”

“Yeah but that’s not your fault.”

We fall into silence as we finish our food.

I get up from the picnic table and sit in the grass, pretty close to the water with my knees up.

I feel his arm around my shoulders as he sits next to me, pulling me closer to him.

“You remember that one time at the lake in Boston when we were dancing and you pushed me in?” I chuckle at the vivid memory of Matt pushing me into the cold water. I did drag him in with me though so I got my vengeance.

“Yeah I do. You made us both sick for like a week.” I rest my head on his shoulder and I feel his head on top of mine.

I wince at the memory of his mom scolding us as she drove our shivering bodies to the hospital.

It’s moments like these that make life happy.

Just sitting in each other’s arms in the cold air.

“I never got to ask, how was tour?”

“It was good. I may not have won, but I had fun. That’s all that really matters to me.”

God, this man makes me fall in love with him more and more.

“That’s all that should matter. Winner or not, at the end of the day it all matters if you had fun. I’m glad you had fun, and I’m sorry I couldn’t go with you guys.”

“That’s understandable though. You had school, I understand that.” He kisses my head, and I can feel the smile on his lips.

“I love you Matt..” It slips out without warning, but I don’t try to correct myself or take it back. Not when I mean it.

---

!Matt’s POV!

My mind blanks when she speaks. I never thought this would happen.

Am I dreaming?

No, I’m not.

“I-” I can’t seem to form words. The words I’ve wanted to hear from her for so damn long finally here, and I don’t know what to say or do.

I love her too. So, so damn much. But my mind can’t make the words to say it.

“I'm sorry. Just pretend I didn't say that.” She shakes her head and pulls away from me as she starts to stand up.

I shake my head and wrap my arms around her waist, pulling her back down to the ground.

“No. No, don't be. I love you. So much more than you can imagine. I just didn’t know what to say, or how to say it. I froze up.”

---

!Readers POV!

“What?”

“I love you. So fucking much. Ever since we were kids.”

My heart flutters.

I have no other thoughts than him. Everything about him I’ve loved flashing in my mind all at once.

His smile. His hair. His tattoos. His style. His personality. Just, him.

I wrap my hands around his neck, pulling him to me as I plant my lips on his.

I feel his arms tighten around my waist as he deepens the kiss.

The air no longer feels cold, but warm.

Warm and filled with love.

He pulls back and rests his forehead against mine, smiling.

“I love you.”

Tags ! ♡

@dwntwn-strnlo @ssturniolo @strniolo @20nugs @prettysturniolo @mxqdii @thetriplets3 @slaysturniolo @gwenlore @opheliaofficial07 @gabbylovesreading @luvsturniolo @itsaaliyah2 @strniolosworld

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I love you all !

And I hope you all have a good day and / or night ♡

#𝙗𝙡𝙤𝙣𝙙𝙚 #matt sturniolo #chris sturniolo #nick sturniolo #sturniolo triplets #matt sturniolo x reader #matt sturniolo imagine #l writes!

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