#and i tried doin diff lip shapes

[justanotherqueerboy]

👄✨

#idk why i did this #i have a glitter palette and i never use it #so i decided to slap various lipsticks on #and smear glitter over top #and i tried doin diff lip shapes #but i think the purple one is the only one that looks different lol #my face

[fuwafuwamedb]

The Rayshift Thefts Pt 4 (Rin, Cu Chulainn)

Thus far: 1, 2, 3

___

She hadn’t known what to make of the room she was in.

To be fair though, she hadn’t really had many options when Cu Chulainn had appeared out of nowhere and plucked her from her home. The servant had yanked her to this place and had tended to her wounds. She had to have a reason for being here, but the thought that someone had cared for her enough to rush to her rescue as she lay dying had been a fantasy that she hadn’t dared contemplate.

With each time she opened her eyes to a new day, she had expected to find herself in a situation. She kept waiting for that other shoe to drop and the servant’s master to appear before her. It was the reason that Cu Chulainn was hiding her here, wasn’t it?

How long could they live in this limbo?

She didn’t know what to think of him.

Cu Chulainn tended to her each and every day. He carried her straight over to the sitting area in his room and pulled her book after book on runecraft and gem magecraft. The books were new to her, she didn’t mind spending the morning reading while he went to work. She tried a few things out as well, careful about her mana output with the condition she was in.

Her wounds were closing. Her energy was growing.

With each passing day, Rin found herself feeling more recovered than before. Her hands buried into the servant’s blue hair, brushing it back from his face and braiding it carefully behind him.

“Think you can handle a bath?”

Rin looked up at him, biting her lip. “I’m not sure. Reaching for things-“

“Nah, I’ll join ya.”

“You’ll… You’ll what?’

The man grinned, leaning in.

“No.”

“I sleep next to you every night. I don’t think a bath will do any harm.”

“I sleep with clothes on.”

“There’s nothing under those clothes that’ll surprise me. Come on, you’ll like cleaning up. I’ve had you cooped up too long in here.”

His hand was held out.

It wasn’t like she had a lot of options. Either he would be carrying her to her doom or carrying her to a bath. Cleaning up wouldn’t be bad, considering that her hair felt greasy and her body wasn’t in much better shape from having bandages regularly changed.

Rin placed her hand slowly into the man’s hand, placing her trust into the servant again.

He had talked about saving her before.

Either he had a great imagination for saving people or he had actually managed to save her life in some alternate place and time. In his mind, it seemed he was some kind of great hero.

Hero…

It made her think of that fool. To think, she had imagined getting close to Shirou when she had been alive. For some reason, she had actually dared to think about her sister’s love in such an awful manner. Despite his talk about some kind of hero after the war, she had actually started to think of him like that. She had believed him to be something like that for Sakura…

But it was hard to think about him doing anything like this.

Shirou was an infant compared to packed steel of Cu Chulainn’s grip. His face was a baby’s cherub cheeks compared to the carefully sculpted jawline on Cu Chulainn. The smiles that Shirou had held had been dorky, sheepish and innocent. There wasn’t anything in that head of his, just air and the faint whistling of wind.

“Alright,” Cu Chulainn grinned, pushing a door open and entering the large baths. “I went and drew this bath before comin’ to get ya so it should be cool enough now for bathing in.”

The man set her down on the water’s edge, standing up and reaching under his arms. The soft clicking of clasps could be heard. His shoulderplates came off first. His arms reached down, pulling the top of his blue armor off.

“W-WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” Rin covered her eyes, turning away.

Hadn’t he said this was her bath?! What was he-

Something else fell to the floor.

She wasn’t going to do this. It was a large bath, sure, but she wasn’t going to be taking such a bath with someone else around. Especially not him; her sanity didn’t need the memory of this-

A pair of arms were wrapping around her body.

As she tensed, she could feel the buttons at the front of the large shirt she had on being undone. The sound of water could be heard, with someone entering.

“Cu-“

Rin gasped, feeling her body yanked under. Clothes and all, she smacked at Cu only to find him pulling her deeper and deeper into the baths.

“DAMN IT, CU!”

The man laughed, pressing his forehead to hers. His arms released her waist, pulling lightly at her shirt and throwing the soaked thing to the side of the baths.

“You’re the worst.”

“That’s nonsense and you know it.” The man simply glowed, those eyes glinting as he moved closer to her, his head the only thing above water. “Feels damn good, doesn’t it?”

“I prefer to take my baths alone.”

She preferred them without her underwear on as well. She was already in this too deep. He seemed like he was just looking at her from the chin up.

Well, more than anything, she just didn’t want to be wearing her panties in the water. It was awkward. She reached under, carefully and slowly pulling the scrap of fabric off and attempting to throw them out.

Attempting, because she didn’t make it.

Cu laughed, following after the scrap of black fabric.

“It’s not that funny,” she growled.

“It’s cute,” he threw her direction, throwing the panties to where her shirt had been. “And nah, it ain’t the funniest, but you’re injured. You’re not gonna be throwin’ things far right now. Give yourself a couple weeks and I’m sure you’ll be pounding me into the following weeks if I try this.”

She would. Rin nodded to him at that thought.

Moving carefully to one of the sides, she found a nice nesting place for the time being. The bath was large and it was warm. The steam rising up was a good distraction from her company, but even more, she liked the new space. It was good to leave Cu Chulainn’s room for once.

The man moved in the waters, coming closer. She could hear him splash a bit to her left, but she could see he was finding a nice resting place near her.

She’d been thinking about Shirou before, but now it was only that much more obvious the differences between the boy and this servant.

Cu’s hair was falling around his face, loose and unbound around his shoulders. His face was sharper, angled with sculptor’s careful attention. The muscles of his arms had her jealous, the blue hairs on his chest were drawing her attention to the waterline.

The water was covered in suds and was opaque enough that she couldn’t see below, but…

He was a strong servant. In appearance and most likely in general. His master had multiple servants, but she used him often. She knew enough about him to know that his talents were second to none. Guts talent that allowed him to escape death, dodge that allowed blows to miss him, a heal set of runes that he would pull from time to time to cure ailments and recover his strength; that was who she had needed to summon.

To think, she’d wanted saber.

“You know, it’s a bit hypocritical to get after me for lookin’ at ya and then doing the same thing to me.” Those red eyes glanced over to her, smirk playing on his lips before she sunk deeper into the waters.

“…You’re here with me.”

“Yeah, I’m certainly that.”

There was no missing the smile that was on his lips, adding a note to his voice. She could feel his hand pat at her head a little, his arm pulling her carefully to his side.

“Feels damn good, don’t it?”

She didn’t dare say anything, her hands far too close to his chest now. She was too close to him. It wasn’t good for her to be near him like this. In bed was one thing, she could pull a pillow or the blankets closer and take in his warmth, but here she couldn’t do that. Here, in the baths, it was only water between them, but not enough for her peace of mind. The bubbles and the gurgling waters were doing little to help.

It wasn’t good in general to be around one person all the time. That was another problem with this whole thing. Spending all this time with Cu Chulainn, wasting the days away with books and stories and warmth- it had her thinking about whether or not she had actually lived through the wounds around her waist to begin with. Had Sakura killed her successfully?

“You alright?”

The man was moving, shifting to meet her hands beneath the water. He tilted her head up to look at him.

“The wounds hurting?”

“No… no, they’re fine.”

“If they’re bleedin’, then we can pull you out and rewrap them. I figured I’d let you soak out some of the stiffness. I was asking my caster self about it earlier during a good training time and he seemed to think it’d be a good idea, but if your wounds are still weak-“

“I’m fine, Cu. I’m fine.” Rin shook her head… then paused. “…Your caster self?”

“Yeah, there’s four of me here. Five if you include the little mini shithead of a beast.”

“How is there four?”

“Eh,” the man shrugged. “Servants can be from a series of classes and a lot of times converge here. I’ve got a Caster, a Berserker, the little one I mentioned before, then there’s my younger self. The earlier three should be fine, but if Proto gets near ya, you tell him to go away.”

“Why?”

“He’s a terrible flirt.”

She couldn’t help but to snort at that.

“He is. You should see him. It’s ridiculous.” The man leaned back, shaking his head. “Caster’s pale. Handles runes and shit a lot. Proto’s got a problem with doin’ his hair. You’ll note half his damn hair hangs over his forehead.”

“Like yours?”

“Mine ain’t that bad.”

Rin nodded, trying to remain stoic.

“Then you’ve got Berserker. He’s… well, he doesn’t have quite the personality you love in yours truly, but he’s alright. Does the job, you know? Sometimes it ain’t about how the problem gets resolved, so long as it does.”

“What’s he look like?”

“Runes over the body. Dark hood, skin burned slightly from the runecraft and grail shit he had to go through. You’ll know him if you ever see him. He doesn’t trust easily so I’d keep my distance if I were you.”

“I don’t trust easily either.”

“You seem to trust me.”

She didn’t trust easily, but he had been different. She didn’t know how to even begin to express her reasoning. The man leaned in, brushing a bit of her hair behind her ear. Looking into those red eyes, it was getting harder and harder to guard herself from trouble.

He always explained. He was always upfront about what was going on and about his rationale for things.

Never was there a moment of ulterior motives. The longer she was here with him, lingering in this limbo of a place, the more she found herself unable to push the man away. The drinks last night had been a moment where she’d been sure something would happen, but he’d carried her to bed, as he’d done every night.

Cu Chulainn didn’t think that far ahead. He was so grounded in the present.

“Cu,” Rin closed her eyes, shaking her head. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do here.”

“Heal.”

“After that,” she argued. “I can’t hide in your room forever. As nice as it is, I’ll keep growing older and older. If you end up getting injured in one of your battles and can’t make it back, how would I even know?”

“Hold on-“

“And if one of your other selves came in, they wouldn’t know me, would they?”

Now that she was thinking about it, one of them would have come around if they knew about her, wouldn’t they? Cu was close enough to her. She would have learned about the others by them coming into the room and staying with her when Lancer was away. She would have already known about the flirt or the rune-ridden Cu Chulainn if they knew her.

“This is dangerous for you,” Rin pointed out. “You told me that your master doesn’t know that I’m here. If that’s the case, then if she found out that I was here and commanded you to kill me, then-“

His lips found hers.

Stealing away the words from her lips, Rin found him pulling her closer, pulling her onto his lap. Her body felt warm, her head spinning as she tried to fight the molten feeling roaring to life within her and think about the situation at hand. There were too many dangers. She didn’t want to see him die. She didn’t want to die by his hand even more.

The sobering thought was doing little with the man holding her against himself and tilting his head. She couldn’t help the sound that escaped her lips, her hands balling to fists as she pressed them to his chest.

“Cu,” she breathed, pulling back for air. “Cu, this is serious.”

“There’s another servant here,” he murmured. “We have an agreement. If he reveals you’re here or allows anyone to find out, then I tell about his woman that he’s got here.”

“That doesn’t solve anything. That just makes the stakes higher. If his woman is found-“

“I’ll talk to my master.”

Rin pulled back a little more, wincing at her wounds.

“You need those wounds look at by the doctors here,” Cu pointed out. “You’re healing, but it can’t hurt to be looked at. Gudako’s a strange master, but she won’t turn away a friend when one comes along. Especially if I introduce ya.”

It was too risky.

Despite being one of the smarter options, it was a risk she wasn’t sure about.

“I’ve wanted to be your servant ever since I saw you on the roof of your school, lookin’ into the spells that Caster had placed on the top of the building.” His hands were stroking at her face. “There’s nothin’ I want to do more than to tell Gudako to let me be yours.”

She had to look away from him. She had to try to get a moment of air, but his hands were brushing at her hair, turning her attention back to him.

The steam was messing with her senses.

It was the heat in the room that was drawing her to him. It was the warmth and the comfortable atmosphere that was making her fall under these languid kisses. That was the only reason she could think for why her usual control and her strength to push him away was gone. It was the only reason she could think for why she was losing herself in gentle caresses and soft murmurs that seemed to be hidden away in their bath together.

Somehow, in some strange way of theirs, she found that she was washed up and her body pampered in that bath area. A new set of bandages was around her waist, her body wrapped in a large towel as he carried her back to his room.

She was in another of his shirts, curled up amongst the furs of his bed.

The conversations were gone, but the distance between them was much the same.

Whatever she’d felt before this place, before she had run into this guy, it was nothing. She’d only had a whisper of whatever this warmth was that was filling her under his long and deep kisses. He didn’t try to do anything more, thank god for that.

She could barely think with his lips pressing to her neck and her face. The feel of his lips against her own had her toes curling.

She’d summoned the wrong servant for her war.

Cu Chulainn was the only person in the entire universe right now that she could trust to care for her.

Everyone else had forgotten her. Everyone but him.

#drabble #drabbles

[rbbtrd]

I Love Healing

i wrote this when i was tryin to vent but i have no idea how to fuckin vent so instead i. tried to write out healings entire bg lmao a lot of brain stuff was goin on so it might not b. the best piece of literature uve ever read

some misc facts and other htings might b missing bc (points at how fucked my brain was and also how fuckin VAST healings character is and how much development he has)

//warnin theres kinda crass and sensitive language or whatever and there will b mentions of diff kinds of abuse in his story and other not good things under cut so my bad but i wasnt in a good state of mind and tryin to tag n warn u abt it all is skjncfdvav plus this was a vent post for me originally anyways lmao

//another warning lmao under the cut is a Wall Of Text there is a LOT of stuff under cut like 6000+ words so like. warned ya my pals

healing is my favorite fuckin oc and p much. why i fuckin stay alive sknfsef he means so so much to me and has so much meaning to me and is very very very very very very very important to me i fucking Love healing okay i project a lot (i.e All Of Myself) onto healing so he is p much almost quite literally me and vice versa but also not rlly??? its weird and complicated lmao i Love this man tho no one will ever love him more than i do i will fuckin Fight you hes so improtant to me

he is 57 yrs old, his birthday is march 17 but also dec 5th (its complicated) but mostly march 17, his favorite color is red not only bc im projecting but his first loves fav color was also red, he is 5″7 ft tall, hes very silly and kooky and tries his best to become happy and heal and learn and atone for what hes done and expereinced, he LOVES the sea and the ocean and anything relating them like the sea/ocean is very very very important to him for multiple reasons, also loves rabbits and goats and has 2 pet goats (i like to call em his service animals lol)

healing was born to both pure blood tiefling parents, his mother was a servant/slave that belonged on a ship and his father basically just knocked her up, he never met or knew anything about his father other than that he was a tiefling and misc stuff his mom/other servants had told him. his dad is mordecai ahkrah and hes chaotic evil and genuinely a very fucking awful person, his mom is ariarei kallies and is just?? kinda a chatoic neutral, maybe more of a lawful evil, but she has a very bad selfish personality and nasty. she holds no maternal feelings for healing and only sees him as a nuisance and only takes care of him (taking care of him means. The Bare Minimum. i.e- makin sure hes just Not Dead) bc she has to and kinda forcced to. healing does not see ariarei as his mother, but “as the woman who birthed me / brought me into this world” and stuff like that and therefore holds no feelings towards her like a child would w their mother, over the years, healing considers the ocean/sea as his mother more than ariarei and is more emotionally connected to the sea

 healings mom actually never named him, he was nameless/had no name up until the age of 27-28. both his mom and the owners of the ship and whoever hired him always only ever called him “boy”, “child”, “it”, “thing”, “errand boy”, “chore boy”, and names like that bc he never had a name and no one bothered to give him one. both his mom and the owners/ppl who hired him treated him very very poorly and did abuse him frequently in many different ways and manners (lmao projects myself onto my oc) so he has a lot of feelings and experiences w lots of kinds of traumas and abuse

he most specifically received a lot of physical abuse especially from ppl and verbal abuse, some but not too much emotional abuse, and also a handful of sexual abuse. at the time, he thought it was fine and normal and did not realized he was being abused bc “this is just how life is” bc he had literally. never heard of or experienced anything else other than a shit life.

he didnt rlly think anything of the poor treatment or the abuse bc this was all he ever knew, he grew up this way, so he thought it was normal and thought everyone didnt feel anything and if they did OF COURSE theyd b negative feelings, bc thats all u (healing at the time) r capable of feeling. he doesnt get out of this mentality until hes around 18-22

he receives a handful of scars and marks from his time as a servant, he got his first scar when he was a literal Baby bc he was cryin out and his ma got mad and upset abt and scratched his face thus resulting in his lip scar. when he was like 5-7 he met this other servant kid who had The Very Opposite mindset he had and was v bright and optimistic and he dragged healing along when he played and he broke smth and healing took the cover not bc he wanted to save this kid but bc it would be less troublesome bc then the current owner would only have to punish 1 child and the other kid was well liked on the ship unlike healing so then the morale of the servants wouldnt be affected. the owner beat him up p bad but it Wasnt Enough so he smashed healings face into the wooden boards so hard it Broke The Board and also broke his right horn, this also gave his scarring above his brow and stuff up to the broken horn. another prominent scar he has that holds memory to him is the scar on his chest above his heart, where he got that from a case where he was sexually abused and his abuser threatened to tear out his heart if he kept bein a brat. he has NO SCARS on his tail tho, but thats literally bc up until he was w morgan, he was just Lucky in not havin his tail injured. from the time he met morgan and beyond, he then started to actively protect his tail from harm and from ppl touchin it bc morgan said he rlly liked his tail and how it looked and how cool it was and from then on hes liek Oh

he constantly worked when he was of age to and started w small things and worked up to doin manual labor and other things, he only stayed w his mom up until the age of 11-12, after that they were separately sold to different ships and never saw eaqch other again. from that point on, he was switched around a few different ships and buyers, but was otherwise was still  just treated as cargo and property like he had been the past few years. 

the ship he was on at the age of 17 was stopped and liberated by a man named morgan wake (also can be written as morgain), a  human sailor captain (some kind of good, leanin on neutral or chaotic) who specializes in trade, cargo, and just transportation, but also will sell his abilities to fight/go into war or battle and liberates slave ships on his free time lol morgan becomes a Very Very Very important person to healing and is ESSENTIAL to shaping healing into who he is now. healing slowly falls in love with morgan over the years, but never tells morgan abt these feelins bc 1) he doesnt kno what the FUCk hes feelin lmao this boy has only experienced negative emotions and feelings up until he met morgan and 2) he thinks morgan will think hes weird or wrong or gross or smth. healing had absolutealy NO PLACE and NO ONE to go to after he was liberated so morgan saw this and was like Hey. You Should Come Work Under Me For MY Ship. morgan is a BIG BIG BIG guy on justice and equality and stuff for ALL PEOPLE and EVERYONE so this is also a reason why he let healing onto his ship of mostly humans and half-elves and halflings and also this part abt morgan rubs off on healing so healing also becomes a big guy on justice and equality and stuff

the ship morgan owns is a Lil prejudiced againt tieflings so they arent jumpin for joy when morgan makes healing his first mate at the age of 19 bc theyre. Gently Racist over tieflings but morgan kicks their ass and makes healing his first mate and right hand man anyways. at this point, healing is still nameless bc morgan tells him “i cant give you a name, a name is really important, its your identity and what makes you YOU, its ur soul and ur dreams and ur hopes, its YOU, you hear a name and u think of that person etc etc etc” and rlly cheesy stuff like that pertaining to names so morgan is Vehemently against naming healing and instead calls him “buddy”, “pal”, “friend”, “best friend”,  “first mate”, “mate”, and other various nicknames made over the years. he was very adamant on having healing name himself and refused to call him by a name that someone else gave him bc healing told him abt his mom and how he said that his mom wasnt rlly a mother in the first place

morgan knows Everything abt healing and healing w him vice versa bc when they first met and healing was still in his Uhm Nothing Matters Ill Tell You Everything mindset, he told morgan the story abt all his scars and what has happened to him up until that point and what people have done to him. morgan is truly very genuinely heartbroken over this?? bc healing was just Born into this world of shit and awful things that he didnt deserve and also the fact that healing just spoke of his abuse so freely and casually as if it meant nothing and didnt matter and healings view on his own life and life in general due to how he has lived so far and morgan makes it his personal mission to help healing grow out of this and start to become more Alive and less :| and :/ abt life 

morgan becomes very important for and to healing bc like. he literally taught healing Emotions and how amazing and happy and good life can be. morgan taught healing how to Be Alive and Want To Be Alive and how to Feel. before when he was a servant, he was literally just a Shell and genuinely thought life was Supposed to just be inherently shitty and ur suposed to always expereince bad htings and ALWAYS feel ONLY bad negative emotions and feelings.he thought that if he died, it wouldnt matter AT ALL bc he would easily b replaced by another servant and his life had literally no meaning and he genuinely thought he would die before the age of 20 and he was Okay with that he thought it was fine he thought it was okay to not expect to live past 20-25 and etc etc etc. 

when he saved healing, morgain was already quite old-ish?? he was 30 yrs old when healing (at the time, age 17) met him. healnig didnt rlly start to fall in love until around age 19 just some time b4 morgan made him first mate. over the years that healing is on morgans ship, he becomes who he is bc of morgan and  he learns things abt himself and who he is and builds himself bc of morgan and he becomes who healing is in these very moments that he spends with morgan and rightly falls in love because of it bc morgan Saved Him from so many things. morgan took an empty husk and shell of a man that had Began as empty and put smth in it. he had breathed life into an empty bag and made music, he had taken a broken branch and carved a nice ass figure. morgan took something with nothing and gave him Everything.  healing has such a strong connection and attachment to morgan yall cant even begin to understsand it. Runs So Deep in healing, this lov and feeling and attachment he has to morgan

morgan also rlly rlly rlly Rlly likes and appreciates healing and actually also loves healing in the same way, but doesnt tell healing for the same reasons why healing wont tell morgan. they spend the next 10 yrs basically unknowingly pining over each other bc theyre too fuckin afraid to tell each other bc they think the other is gonna b homophobic and its Awful. but also like. sailors back in the day were Rlly Gay so healing and morgan have had their fair share of mutual masturbation and Very Gay Activities w each other bu they were never in the context of romance or in a relationship beyond like. Rlly Rlly Good Best Friends lmao like sex friends but better??

bc healing. was never fuckin educated lmao he doesnt kno how to read or write. over the years he spends with morgan, he BARELY understand the alphabet tbh. he can like,,,,,, understand certain words but he doesnt recognize those words as words they register kinda like symbols in his head. numbers r even WORSE for healing lmao. like he understands map terms north, east, west, south, map, longitude/latitude, etc etc but he recognizes the words as like pictures or symbols in his head that relate to object or meaning or smth, kinda how u see a lil pic of a tree and u recognize it as a tree, thats him w words. healing was morgans first mate and co-captain for 10 years, he often went with morgan to negotiations and business meetings and trades and etc etc etc healing is VERY good w his words bc of this and is actually rlly smart and intelligent and wise. he just cant read or write lol. he has a +0 intelligence on his sheet but a +3 wisdom

healing lives the next 10 yrs of his life after being liberated at the age of 17 to 27 w morgan and his ship and his crew and hes enjoying himself and livin it to the fullest and hes happy and its so good and all is well, but also keep in mind that healing, through out all of these 10 yrs, has STILL not have a name for himself yet. BUT morgan HAS given healing a seashell necklace as well as his ear piercings. he wears these items everyday and they hold like. a lot of emotional important and support for him

but then morgan dies LMAO morgan dies at the age of 40 when healing is 27 and he dies from both sickness from old age (bc sailors back then. died p early skdjfnwsndv) and also from an injury wound he had gotten when in battle earlier that month. morgans death strikes his crew very harshly but without a doubt everyone on the ship agreed that healing was the MOST hurt and affected and shaken from morgans death. morgans last words and also his will states that he wanted healing to become the new captain of the ship. healing doesnt rlly become the new captain bc hes too busy mourning over his death for the next yr.

morgan and healing NEVER tell each other abt their feelings for one another, so morgan dies with this regret of never saying anything and healing lives with the regret of never saying anything before he died. this plays into how healing chose his name

after his mourning and grieving period he starts to slowly collect himself and in this period of time, this is where he finally chooses his name. he thinks abt how morgan was never able to call him by a proper name despite how important names were to morgan, so as hes starting to heal from his death, he picks his own name for himself. he debated on choosing his name as love, bc he loved morgan but never told him despite the fact that morgan quite literally taught him how to love. but he decides on the name healing bc he also thought abt how morgan said how he wanted to help healing start to mend and heal from all the trauma and abuse hes been through and healing sort of just shoved love into that process of healing, therefore That Is His Name Now. his name is now like. an important memoir of morgan as well as like. His Name. his name now holds a very hefty important weight and meaning to him now.

when morgan dies, he makes a lot of vows to himself like how hell never love someone again and how he would keep up morgans work and how he would keep morgans policy of justice and equality and how he would never treat people the way he was treated as a servant and how he would never hurt someone on purpose. after morgans death, he starts to like. hoard items he thinks morgan would have liked and then eventually this just turns from “hoarding for morgan” to “depression coping hoarding” and he just hoards things he thinks has some use or worth of value (which is like. Everything lmao so he never throws stuff away)

the ship crew are not All That Happy that healing is their new captain, but they really did intensely respect and appreciated morgan both as a captain and an individual so they abide by his will and last words and let healing be captain despite the fact that they thought hed b bad at it. but Surprise Surprise healing is actually rlly rlly good at being a captain bc he spent 10 yrs by morgans side and he knows how to do everything rlly well and the crew r kind of surprised and apologize for sterotypin him and for being so prejudiced and not trustin him and etc etc etc and healing is happy for another long while bc now he has like?? a family?? this crew was now his family and he loved everyone on this ship and they loved him?? he was Rlly Good at what he did bc he took over morgans work of trade and also liberating ships and sellin his time to fight for ppl and he was super close to his crew and they grew closer over the yrs and they give him a seashell bracelet similar to how morgan gave him the necklace and earrings so now healing has like. a physical object to associate his emotional relationship and feelings and shit to like he did for morgan w the necklace and earrings

but ofc knowin me its time to Fuck Him Over Again lmao over the yrs while hes in his 30s hes gets like. Rlly Rlly Rlly well known for his deeds and his work and actions so he gets super popular and he has. A Lotta Sex and is Very Well Known for sex and also his dick lol and also sometimes got into. not so hot relationships. at current time right now, age of 57, healing has 5 children he isnt aware of bc he left the other person before they even Knew they were pregnant. he was rlly good with not letting his partner get pregnant but accidents happen lmao sometimes he let the fame and popularity get to his head so he was kind of a Cocky Narcissistic Dick sometimes 

a total of 5 times during his 30s he got himself into. very bad toxic abusive manipulative relationships. these 5 people were all very similar in what they did to healing and how they did it to him. in each of these 5 cases, both healing and his crew reacted the same. when u hang out w manipulative bad ppl, u kinda become manipulative and bad urself, and thats what happened w healing and his crew. these 5 ppl preyed on the fact that healing was emotionally very weak and vulnerable to romantic affection and intimacy and how he had a Rlly Rlly Big Fear of losing people he loved or cared about. they made him care abt them and threatened to leave him if he didnt do what they wanted, as well as abuse him in other different manners physically, emotionally (BIG TIME emotional abuse), verbally, and mentally. during the itme he was in these relationships w these ppl, healing was very much not like his usual self, hes a chatoic neutral but when w theswe ppl he was like?? lawful evil?? true evil?? he became Rlly Bad and did Rlly Bad things that, now in current day time he regrets deeply and feels.

when he was in these relationships, they made him break a lot of the vows he took when morgan died or else theyd do smth to him or to themself ot to his crew or smth like that and it haunts him to this very day abt how he could have done those things to those people despite the fact that the same was done to him and how he NEVER wanted to do that to other people. it dredges bad things up in his memories and in his heart and he has nightmares abt both his traumas and abuse as well as the traumas and abuse hes made others go through.  these people hurt him very deeply in his 30s and scarred him emotionally and mentally more intensely than the people that mistreated him when he was a servant

his 30s was a. Rollercoaster tbh. he went thru very intense and frequent highs and lows bc the time when he was with these people they were his Very Very Low Lows and when he wasnt with them and just doing his job w his crew and livin life he was very happy and his life took on a Very Good High. as he got a lil older at the age of 37 he was doing good and it was a high during his lifetime and that point and when he was 37 he was actually on his ship hunting down a bandit/pirate ship bc someone had bought his ships and effort to help them track down this ship

he has a lot of adventures in his 30s and goes thru so many things and and thru so many situations and so many people and encountered just. A Lot Of Stuff in General. hes experienced probs like. 2 lifetime of experiences and shit by the age of 37 lmao but he wouldnt trade any of these experiences, good or bad, for ANYTHING in the world

but sadly (bc i love makin his life so full of angst) as hes chasing this ship, a Rlly Big Storm comes by and fuckin. WRECKS his ship. absolutely obliterates it. it catches fire and tons of his crew members r jumpin off and panicking and the ship is falling apart and hes so AAAAAAAAAAAAA rn. in the future, the imagery of a sunken or turned up or just in general not normal 100% functioning ship is very unsettling to him and triggers this rlly bad memory. also Rlly Rlly Rlly BIG BIG fires unsettle him very badly and makes him Extremely Uncomfortable but it doesnt rlly trigger this bad memory as much as broken ships do

healing is knocked from the ship and passed out and when he awakes hes on the shore with the remains of wood from his ship along the shore and he is. absolutely broken. he lost his Whole Family in one night and yet he was the one who didnt die?? he assumes everyone on his crew ship died (even tho some survived but he has yet to encounter them) and he was the only one who survived and at the moment he HATED this fact. he hated that he was left to live and he reverts back to his mindset that he had when he was younger how his life didnt matter and etc etc etc

hes also??????????? SUPER upset and heartbroken that the sea was the one who did this to him. the ocean, to which he was born and raised on (he has never lived on land in the past 37 yrs of his life, hes been on land and stayed overnight at inns or smth and stuff but hes never Lived anywhere on land and thinks houses r Weird bc hes lived on a boats and ships for 37 yrs kjefnvslefv), the ocean to which he considered his real mother, the ocean that granted him so much freedom from so much of the things that hes experienced, the ocean to which he was so deeply emotionally connected to and how much the sea had meant to him. he knows he cannot control the sea and accepts that the sea had sunken his ship but that doesnt mean hes not going to still feel sad and shitty abt it lol 

he Basically has a meltdown at this shore and cursin at how he should have been the one to die in this wreck and passes out bc. exhaustion and etc lmao. and then in comes Love Interest #2, noel, a neutral good wood elf monk who, just like morgan, is a very free spirit and very kind and reminds healing just enough of morgan to make his heart start to feel something again

noel sees this tieflin dude passed out on the beach and is like. Oh. Thats Not Good. and he goes to help him out and brings him back to his campsite to patch him up and heal his wounds and take care of him and nurture him back to health a bit until healing wakes up.

healing is like HWHA and is like uhhhh thnks but i gotta Go Now bc Yet Again in this mnoment he vows a bunch of other shit like how hell live a life of solitude and never involve himself w others bc he thinks of himself as a harbinger of bad things and chaos and doom and misfortune follows him and how everyone he loves or tells them abt his life/story dies

but noel is too friendly and caring to just Let Him Go and hes just rlly interested in healing just as an individual and just also wants a companion to travel w bc hes just like a wandering monk who weaves in and out of woods and forests and villages and stuff

fast forward- after a Lot of effort and A Lot of time and A Lot of trust and such, healing slowly Very Very Slowly opens up to noel about himself and his life and what hes gone though and all of the sort of bad and good things hes experienced and grows closer to him and they fall in llove with each other and its both mutual and healing is like “wow??? being in love is so nice?? this is such a good feeling?? i love noel and he loves me back and we can kiss and hug and do stuff and both of us know we are doing this out of mutual romantic attraction??????????” and this is like. A Brand New Feeling for healing bc his relationship and love for morgan was 100% unrequited

noel basically becomes healings teacher tbh since noel is a monk he teaches healing the way of bein a monk most specifically the way of the 4 elements. noel is a master of the way of the 4 elements, but is best w earth and air, healing has such a strong attachment to the water and a close relation with fire so hes naturally like. rlly good w those 2 lmao he catches on real quick despite the fact that. only noel is teaching him and neither of them belong to a temple or have a temple to go to lmao

as time goes on both healing and noel are like. kinda famous monks that travel through the land and are well known bc healing was already previously well known as a rlly rlly cool famous captain and now he kinda dropped off the face of the earth for like 5 yrs but now hes back w noel and he looks a lil diff now bc hes older and his hairs a lil longer but ppl are aware that hes healing

its all good and healing is enjoying life real nice rn and hes happy once again and hes in love with noel and noel is in love with healing and its so good and healing is traveling again but also like. up until he was 37 yrs old he was like livin at sea on a ship. so when he goes along w noel when they travel through the woods on land its kinda Weird for him bc hes like. Never Been On Land For This Long lmao

from the moment he was stranded on that beach to right now in his current time, healing ALWAYS has smth of the sea/ocean w him ALWAYS it is a must and he has to have it for multiple reasons and most of the reasons are for like. safety reasons?? theyre like his safety items it calms him down and soothes him in multiple ways like emotionally and mentally. he ALWAYS has at LEAST 1 (one) bottle or flask or SOMETHING filled w sea water he always has some sea water on him, he also just. collects a MASSIVE amount of shells and sea glass and any other things u could find on the beach or sea he always has some of this stuff on him for comfort and stuff

like with all of the deep and intimate and important and emotional relationships in his life, noel gives healing smth that he can attach noel to emotionally and etc etrc etc. noel gives healing tattoos that are like monk tattoos and symbolize what he does best on his back i.e fire and water and also a few like. just fun lil casual tattoos to make healing and himself happy like a boat and anchor on his wrist and stuff and healing is like Oh Gee Hope Nothing Bad Happens

but smth bad does happen lol. after 10 literal yrs (healing is now 47) theyre in the woods camping out and etc etc etc and its like the dead of night and theyre sleepin in their tents and its good and all but then some bandits or smth just pass by their site and decide “hey. lets fuckin loot this place and fuck shit up” and they do and engage in combat w noel and healing and its just a series of unfortunate events and bad luck and timing and long story short these bandits do lethal and fatal damage to noel but healing manages to fend em off and they go running and now healing is kneeling over the dying body of his lover

noel literally dies in healings arms and this event triggers all of his previous mental state and mindset from before abt how hes a harbinger of bad things and how everyone he loves does and he only brings misfortune and hes liike “y do the ppl around me die???? y cant *I* be the one to die for once??? wtf????” and he feels so many emotions and is so ANGRY at himself bc This Just Keeps happening and the people he loves just keep Getting Hurt and he cries and buries noel and makes a grave and does a lot of sentimental stuff and mourns and just stays where he is in the woods for like. weeks until his supplies runs out and he finally leaves the area of the forest hes in with a heavy… Everything slkdfnvsdkfs fvhesfdnviksfd hes RLLY intensely emotionally and mentally fucked now

he makes the same kinds of vows as before again plus some but now its even STRONGER. he Will Not EVER fall in love ever again, he will never tell anyone ANYTHING abt him thats not surface level info, he takes up his old vows like never hurt ppl on purpose and never treating him the way he was treated and how he will upkeep his code of justice and equality, and how he will NEVER EVER have any deep relationships and friendships and he will keep them very surface level and how he will keep everyone at like an arms distance and a half from him

and so he mourns over his lost loved ones and is just a fuckin angsty emotionally shut and locked up traveling tiefling monk and hes alone and just. travels bc he feels like if he stays in one place too long he might bring misfortune to the ppl around him and he just. BASICALLY keeps this up for ANOTHER 10 yrs dsfkjvnsenfvedv je travels around EVERYWHERE and the first few years he tried his best to avoid rlly thick wooded areas and the sea but eventually he grew and healed a bit more and allowed himself to get on boats again and go thru forests and woods

healing chose his name bc he wanted to heal and grown and change and become a better person and try his best to just be as happy as he could be and to atone for what hes done and just. try to get thru life at this point. and make sure he leaves people better than when he meets them and to make sure everyone he encounters have AT LEAST a Not Bad impression of him. so thats basically what his goal is after noel dies and he just travels on his own and in solitude and he nevers takes along a companion and is jsut by himself and quite literally isolates himself all the time. he keeps the people he talks to at an arm and a halfs distance, he never lets them know anything below surface level info abt him, he like?? basically puts on a front and all but he is still genuinely friendly and likes to talk to ppl he just. doesnt want them to know any like Substantial Info abt him or kno him beyond surface level and stuff

after some time tho he meets a man named elias aka MAN OF THE HOUR aka my datefriends oc and he jsut?? will NOT leave healing alone he just WILL NOT go away and he basically just. is forcibly at healings side as they travel and healing just CANNOT get rid of him and elias is just with him and hes trying to pry thru healings massive amounts of layers and walls and barriers and etc etc etc and ofc he does this respectfully hes not like. forcing his way into healings life and forcing healing to tell him abt his life he just. wants to kno more abt him and is very genuinely attracted to this man in many many ways 

healing realizes he cant force elias to go away and is just like (shrugs) ok w/e guess i cant get rid of u and tries to keep his walls and his front up but he just finds himself getting rlly comfortable w elias?? he finds his presence soothing and stuff bc hes been alone for the past previous yrs and now he has a companion again and its a rlly nice feeling and they grow a lil closer bit by bit over time

more time passes on and eventually, in the middle of a mental break/meltdown, healing just. Spills Everything to elias like. All Of His Life from the moment he was born until this current faction in time where hes sobbing into elias’ arm about his whole life and he feels kind of better and its okay for a while and he just passes out in elias’ arms but then he wakes up and has a panic attack and is like AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I TOLD THIS MAN MY ENTIRE LIFE I HAVE TO LEAVE NOW OR HELL DIE I RLLY LIKE HIM THO I DONT WANT HIM TO DIE and he faces the facts that he 1) likes elias 2) is very internally and mentally fukt 3) is internally rlly fuckin secretive and tries to hide everythin abt himself and 4) is Dyin Real Bad for multiple reasons

elias tries to reassure healing and tries to tell him everything will be fine and he wont die and etc etc etc and stuff and from this point on forward healing and elias are much closer and continue to get closer until theyre basically in a relationship and its difficult tbh bc healing rlly wants to leave elias out of his fear but elias stays w him and its a long proccess and journey for healing to learn how to properly cope w all of the things hes felt and experienced and grow and heal and etc et ect

eventually fast forward in time, at the age of 57, healing is MARRIED to elias :’’) and they r in love and everything is okay and healing has and is continuing to learn how to accept what hes done and how to properly cope and deal w things and have less walls and barriers and be better and elias is one of his MOST important relationships to him, on par w morgan and noel, and its all good and happy and healing lives the rest of his life out w elias and dies happy and etc etc etc and its all just GREAT and also their shipname is heelies bc its funny lmao 

i left out a lotta details but fuckin. whatever lmao

anyways i love healing thnk u and good night

#oc:healing #time for some fucking HOT ASS meta and bg info about this boy lmao #i would die for healing