not to expose my daddy issues or anything but i really don’t think companies should send out emails/advertisements about holidays revolving around families (mother’s/father’s day) bc for people negatively affected by those holidays it can really suck lol
what’s w all those tiktok mirrors huh. they’ll be like i’m OBSESSED with this mirror and it’s just a square plain rectangle mirror w bouba in a clay snake around and over the edge like. okay. it doesn’t cover up the weird mirror edges And it intrudes into the space you’re supposed to use to look at yourself. and the colors are like that weird pale pink and sage green and off blue sky blue that everyone likes like,
Hey, I like talking about how much I like Tommy’s little throwaway lines that somehow say a lot. Tommy’s Dream SMP streams are full of these!
I love how natural they always sound, his chatter isn’t all planned out but he often makes it a point to show his character through such lines. And its a character that is now markedly different from Tommy’s normal streamer persona even though it pretty much started as that.
In the above clip, Wilbur’s talking about the idea of him working in a restaurant in Las Nevadas which Tommy’s not keen about.
Wilbur: You’ll be set for life. You’ll be a caterer, right? I don’t know if you want to be a caterer?
Tommy: Quite frankly, I’ve run my fair share of businesses. All have succeeded - some have failed - all of them have failed - it doesn’t sound that fun.
Its such a little moment. Wilbur doesn’t react to it and Tommy continues on talking like he hasn’t just offhandedly mentioned how everything’s he’s ever worked for has failed.
But it reveals a little bit of Tommy’s character’s feelings. His character has a very low sense of self-worth. He’s never fully gotten past his suicidal thoughts and he’s full of regrets. He’s in a very fragile state, not sure what to do or who to trust and not wanting to be involved in more conflict in fear of causing more hurt. Tommy is not proud of his history and fears the future being the same. It’s why his recent stream was so stressful with how much his history was being brought up. He doesn’t want to make a nation with Wilbur again for instance. And yet he also doesn’t want to fail Wilbur when he needs help and there’s a chance at making things right this time. But he’s in fear of repeating past mistakes.
So here you’ve got Tommy giving one of his standard lighthearted boastful comments about everything he does succeeding. And then he can’t help but let some honestly slip out. Nothing’s he’s done has succeeded - it’s all failed. He can’t help his persona (which is a shield for his true thoughts) slip.
This offhanded comment won’t go anywhere. But this and many other little comments like it really help contribute to Tommy’s character. It’s oddly subtle, displaying his feelings not in big gestures but little throwaway comments you might dismiss. They’re scattered all over his streams and I often notice extra stuff I missed if I rewatch a stream. And every one is like a stab to the heart because Tommy’s character is not a happy one. His real thoughts and feelings are often quite depressing. This way of sprinkling in little remarks like that one is pretty cool from a meta standpoint and it’s part of why I find Tommy’s streams quite immersive and always pay attention to them. Even when he’s joking around, he’s in character and can throw out an unexpected line at any time.
As a black person, if Ranboo's given shit for his skin and him "not actually being biracial" and shitting on cosplayers heads will r oll. I've always wanted to make funney jokes about "haha c!Ranboo is half black" but like, that situation would be So Hostile.
you know i actually remember there being someone who made a high school au of the dsmp. and the main focus was c!ranboo, who they made a black person with vitiligo. and i was actually shocked at the lack of discourse i saw about it, but i think its because the creator of that au just... doesnt respond to it. and i blocked the au tag they used for it so if they do every address any discourse about it, i wouldnt know lmao.
i'm also kinda frustrated about like
irl, i'm super nice. like, tbh it's kind of a problem
(a little ranty-rant after the break)
but honestly, i just like being left alone. like there's some people i'll talk to. and usually those people like.... don't require me to perform for them all the time. like we can just be excited to acknowledge that the other hasn't croaked and that's enough. but a lot of other people need you to like.... be nice to them, but also entertain them and impress them for a while and i just
i feel like all of that could be avoided if i just don't talk to people? like, stop being nice to folks, even in passing?
like, there's one girl at work. no one really talks to her. idky everyone else doesn't but i know i've been specifically avoiding talking to her because she seems too eager to like.... maintain some type of friendly work relationship? and i feel like if i talk to her she will especially like.... latch on to me and wanna talk to me all that time, even when i'm on my breaks just trying to hide from people and microdose on vacationing
but i made the mistake of talking to her. about hair. she has locs.
now she won't leave me alone.
and she does exactly what i feared: eating up all of my break times just to talk when all i want to do is astral project to the nearest star system for 15 minutes and forget i even have a job or a human life
or like, my neighbor. he's new to the neighborhood. and i happen to keep running into when we take our dogs out. i figure that maybe if we let our dogs meet then maybe they'll stop flipping out when they see each other and just like.... USE THET BATHROOM? SO WE CAN GO BACK INSIDE???? but then like, it got to the point where my neighbor specifically would wanna come outside and talk to me for like, an hour? like, bruh, i just wanna go back inside? like, if i see him outside with his dogs, i either wait for him to go back before i leave my yard or i go back inside. once i walked over into a field by my house, waiting for him to pass so i could take my dogs to pee without them flipping out at seeing his dog, and like..... he followed me over there???? like bruh. i know you know i've been avoiding you all of these last two weeks. I just wanna spend 7 minutes taking my dogs out to pee, not 60 just talking + another 7 after you finally leave for them to actually pee. I don't wanna be outside taking my dogs to pee at 11pm
and it's the same things at work. like, of course you're supposed to be nice to customers. but like, the adhd in me has such a rehearsed and scripted way of providing customer service, it's like a shopper's wet dream. so customers literally seek me out like fucking homing missiles just to have me help them instead of having my coworkers assist them, because i'm "the nice one." like, if we have 500 customers in one day, i'm sure i'm dealing with like, 450 of them
and like.... i just try to be nice so people won't give me a hard time and they'll leave me alone, but it seems like being nice just keeps people coming back, which is giving me a hard time and people won't leave me alone 🙃
more of the year I lived in japan. you can read the first parts in this tag.
remember the principal's assistant/secretary that taught me how to say しつれいします? he became my guarantor. I spoke with him, we signed the papers, and I was set to move into my new apartment at the beginning of october. I thanked him profusely--gave him a thank you gift of some American candy--and started the really arduous process of cleaning my current apartment so I could get my $1500 deposit back. mind you, I paid this deposit to move into a filthy fucking wreck since my predecessor left the place an actual dump, but if I wanted that money back... It was my responsibility to tidy. There were heaping bags of trash I took out every. single. day. every nook and cranny of this place was CRAMMED with trash. americans really, really don't understand the japanese method of trash-sorting (every day of the week, you put out a different "type" of trash, like paper on one day, plastic on another).
it was the first week of september when things actually started getting, like, really bad in my placement, which is such a shame, because I was finally getting optimistic about my future: I was getting a new apartment! my terrible commute was going away! the other teachers at my school helped me super willingly, replacing my interactions with my terrible supervisor!
there's no amount of optimism that could help the shit that came at me next.
and before I can really dive into everything, I gotta introduce you to the other JETs. because I finally got a phone, I was able to finally connect with the other participants in my area, and much to my surprise (and--at first--joy), these participants had social outings almost every single night. yeah, even on school nights. JET participants have a bit of a reputation of being party animals and this group was no exception.
there was a slight problem: this group had already been hanging out for three weeks regularly and I was a complete outsider. I wouldn't say they were super cold/rude/standoffish...except for one exception. there was a girl in the program that had my same name. when I started meeting up with the group, this girl was RIDICULOUSLY rude to me--outright hostile, in some cases. she genuinely put me in danger more than once by intentionally sending me to the wrong area of town/giving me incorrect directions/straight up sneaking away so I'd find myself totally alone in a strange place.
this might sound stupid, but I feel like she disliked me because we had the same name, and it bothered her to "share" it in the group. she saw herself as THE Oak Antony and I was an annoying imitator--or something. this is just a theory, though, because when I finally confronted her about it months later, she told me I was being "crazy" and that she'd been "nothing but incredibly kind."
but I'm getting ahead of myself. lol.
this party animal group consisted of two married couples and four single girls (five, if you include me). one of these married couples were famous in the internet anime space. think, like, the most famous person you know on anitwt, and you’ve got the right idea of their “fame level.” and they wanted me to know it. they introduced themselves to me and before they even said their names, they said they were "the couple that ____." funny enough, I don't even remember their names, right now... I'd have to look it up. but I remember _____. (apologies for the censorship; I don't want to like...out the group... and if I said what ____ was, you'd be able to google their names in seconds.) the point: I didn’t really jive with them and their strange pride in being...famous. very, very nichely famous.
of the four single girls, one of them was this really bright, bubbly, and not an anime fan. I immediately gravitated to her. look. i'm a weeb. I get it. but I also want to crawl into a hole and die every time I hear a white person scream "KAKKOOIIIIII" at a hot japanese stranger on the street. which means I avoided...those people. so, Bright and Bubbly became my closest friend.
for about a week.
a few days after we met, her city had a festival! I traveled to the festival to visit and it was actually amazing. we danced with strangers, drank shots, drank beer, played festival games, and ate so. much. streetfood.
her house, however, could only be accessed by car. which meant--when we got wasted, we couldn't go back to her place. so we hopped on a train and went back to my apartment. when we got home--at maybe 3am--I set her up on the floor with a bunch of blankets (I still had no futon). I passed out under my trench coat on the "couch."
at around 5am, I was woken up by the sound of dripping. drip drip. drip drip drip. it was pitch black still. I fumble off the couch and reach up to pull the overhead light cord and illuminate the room.
it's on the walls. some splashback hit the ceiling--even the ceiling light. thus the dripping. the blankets are soaked brown with it. I somehow, out of sheer luck, managed not to step in any of it on the floor while getting the light. but it's all across the floor. and Bubbly is not there. I do some spider-manning to get out of the room and see the light on under the door to the toilet.
she stuck her head out and looked at me, eyes rimmed in red. "I think some of the street food was bad. And I drank too much. I'm gonna go home."
"I, uh, oh my god? What happened?"
"Sorry. I can come back tomorrow to help you clean if you want but I gotta go home." O_O
she cleaned herself up enough to grab her bag, her shoes, and walk out the door. she was sober now and able to find her way home and I was left with...this. I did the only reasonable thing a person could do: I tore up the stained sheets to use as rags and used them to clean the apartment. then I soaked them in boiling water on the stove, bagged them, and put them out for burnable trash pickup that week. it took me the entire day and the vomit and bleach stench never really left, because I couldn't open up my windows. if you recall: factories. so it was either a vomity bleach or gasoline smell--pick one. I picked, uh, crying myself to sleep, back to square one: no bedding.
I didn't buy any until I moved into my new place, either. I saw Bubbly again, several times, but, uh, we never hung out one-on-one again. I didn't even get to see her house, which was unfortunate; it was apparently a traditional kominka style, surrounded by rice fields. :'(
anyway. the next week, mid-september, was our prefecture orientation--and my pool of potential friends was about to expand WIDE open. once again, I was optimistic, and once again, shit went sideways, fast.
I, unfortunately, have to put some trigger warnings on the next several parts: sexual assault, stalking, and death. (I told you: my experience on the JET programme was horrific--though at least I survived it. :\) I'll put markers for each of these events at the start of the paragraph so you can skip over them if you need to.
it REALLY sucks that theres a lack of rouge the bat merch. the only ones i’ve seen are the GE plush, the ufo sonic x plush, and the small sonic x figure (which is pretty rare and hard to get now, unless you have like hundreds of dollars). it’s just cuz they only see her as ‘big booby bat’ and unmarketable 😔 shes so much more than that. if they ever make any more rouge merch (that isnt like a shirt or mug), i would buy her in a heartbeat.