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#and i think it's just one long continuous scene and it's just battle sequence after battle sequence from group to group until the end
cosmicjoke · 1 year
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No Words
God damn, God DAMN, I finally had a chance to sit down and watch Part 3 of the Final Season of “Attack on Titan”, and I really just have no words.  I’m just completely blown away.  MAPPA has done such an indescribably stellar job on every part of this last arc of maybe the greatest story ever written in manga form, and they do not disappoint here.  The gravitas of this hour long episode, including the naked brutality of the opening showing us the true horror of the Rumbling, and Eren’s own monstrosity, was one of the most amazing things I’ve ever had the true privilege to see in animation.  This isn’t a children’s show, as the manga itself was never a children’s story.  This is one of the most intensely relevant and truthful depictions I’ve ever seen of not only the horrors of war and violence, but the tragedy of the human condition.  They not only left Isayama’s panels uncensored here, but even added scenes which drove home the true brutality and tragedy of what Eren was doing.  Seriously, that entire opening sequence left me breathless.  I was just sitting here, stunned, while watching it. Again, this story is such an unvarnished and sincere look at the tragedy of war and the human capacity for violence, and really, in many ways, the inescapability of that nature within us.  I’ve always applauded Isayama for his commitment to that tragedy, and not giving in to the temptation of a happy ending in which all is well and right with the world, in which Eren is able to be redeemed, in which the cycle of violence is miraculously stopped.  Like Erwin once said, as long as there is more than one person, there will always be war.  And this episode by MAPPA captured that deeply dark, ugly and somber reality with such immensity and truth. It’s one of the greatest pieces of cinema I’ve ever seen. That really isn’t hyperbole.  I had tears in my eyes at several points watching this episode.  The cinematic quality and standard of MAPPA’s work remains as first rate as ever.
Hange’s moment, man... Again, I’m left speechless.  Hange really was the hero of this episode.  Their sacrifice, and the way it was rendered here by MAPPA, again, the brutality of it (and I know I keep using that word, but I really can’t find any other), watching them take down Colossal Titan after Colossal Titan, before finally succumbing to the heat, the way they caught on fire, and yet even still, as they were burning alive, they continued to fight and managed to take out one last Titan... Ah, it’s got me all fucked up just thinking about it.  They truly gave their all in the end to save humanity. 
And their farewell with Levi, just... oof, man.  Hange really was Levi’s last, remaining friend from the old days, and he has to watch them go, and there’s nothing he can do to save them, nothing he can do to help.  Another burden on his shoulders, another sense of his immense strength failing to matter.  And again, I have to commend MAPPA here, and their attention to detail.  Levi’s difficulty in even squeezing the trigger of his ODM gear drove home just how WEAK Levi still is at this point in the story.  For all the people that try to criticize him for not being able to do more, for not being enough of a force in the final battle, I think this one, small scene of his physical frailty should shut all those people up.  Because it makes crystal clear to the audience just how physically hurt Levi is, how he’s joining his comrades through nothing but sheer will alone.  His difficulty in performing a physical task which, through this ENTIRE series, Levi was more adept at, more capable of, more powerful in, than any other character, and yet, his hands shake here, and he has to grit his teeth and struggle to accomplish it, it proves Levi’s dedication and determination, even through his own deep impairment.  He’s in no shape to be fighting, and yet he does.  He has to, and he does.  That, like Hange, is the choice of a hero.
The same to all the cast.  Armin, Mikasa, Reiner, Jean, Connie, Pieck, and even Annie, eventually. 
I think MAPPA did an incredible job of conveying the true hopelessness of this situation.  The absolutely minuscule chances of success.  And yet here we are, our hero’s arriving to do what they can, regardless of the odds. 
And then there’s Eren.  Eren, who I will always maintain is one of the most compelling and tragic character’s I’ve ever seen.  While we see his undoubted and terrifying monstrosity on full display, and we understand truly, without question, that he has become the villain of this story, we also see in the flashback to his time in Marley, and his interaction with Ramzi, Eren’s humanity, his remorse, his self-loathing, and his regret.  And it’s that humanity we see in Eren, that genuine horror at what he knows he’s going to do, that makes his final actions all the more horrific and unforgivable.  Because he IS human.  He isn’t a monster.  He’s a human being.  And he chooses to do this.  He chooses to, because he WANTS to, just like he admits tearfully and with genuine remorse to Ramzi.  Is there anything more heartbreaking than that?  Eren’s betrayal of humanities hope is so impactful and so hard to accept because of that humanity.  Because we learned to love and care for and root for him over the entire course of this long journey, only to see him fail so utterly.  My heart bleeds for Eren, even as I know he’s become an unredeemable monster. 
My hat’s off to MAPPA, man.  I’m just floored by this first part of “Attack on Titan’s” conclusion.  I couldn’t be more impressed, or more satisfied with the seriousness with which this very serious story is treated here.  This is art, truly.  This is a story which speaks with total sincerity to the human condition.  And MAPPA has brought it so spectacularly to life.  Thank you MAPPA, and most of all, thank you Hajime Isayama for writing this incredible tale of human will, determination, dreams, triumph, tragedy, violence, cruelty, hate, fear, love, friendship and hope. 
I’m gonna’ stop now before I make myself cry.
I don’t think there’s ever going to be another manga or anime that hits harder or means more than “Attack on Titan”.  It’s truly a masterpiece, and in a class all it’s own. 
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antianakin · 2 months
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@theneutralmime
I mean, if you're just going for a crack scenario then you can do whatever you want lol, that's kind-of the point of crack in a lot of ways. So for humor reasons, sure, Anakin could call Obi-Wan and have that distract him enough that he ends up not siding with Palpatine if you wanted. If you want to take the crack scenario slightly more realistically, Obi-Wan is currently involved in a battle with Grievous on Utapau at the same time that Anakin is making that choice, so the chances he picks up are pretty minimal at best, and even if he DID get through, the chances that Anakin LISTENS to Obi-Wan are equally minimal, especially if he can just hang up if he doesn't like the answer he gets. But the distraction of calling at all, even if he doesn't get through, MIGHT be enough for Mace to finish off the job of killing Palpatine anyway.
If you want a more serious opinion on what would have happened if Obi-Wan had been in the office with Mace and Anakin when he made that decision and if I think Anakin would've legitimately listened to Obi-Wan if he tried to talk him out of it, I will point out that Anakin ROUTINELY shows that Obi-Wan's disapproval means very little to him when he's desperate, passionate, and upset about something. If we look solely at the films, you can look at the scene in the gunship when Padme falls and it's not until Obi-Wan tells Anakin to think of what PADME would do that Anakin chooses to stay, not when Obi-Wan points out he won't survive the fight against Dooku alone or when threatened with expulsion from the Order. And even after that, like 2 minutes later, Anakin rushes into the fight with Dooku despite Obi-Wan explicitly yelling at him not to.
Within ROTS, the best example I have is the Council sequence where Anakin throws a temper tantrum about not being made a master, and Obi-Wan's clear nonverbal disapproval of his actions don't seem to have any impact on Anakin's childish behavior. In their conversation immediately afterwards, Obi-Wan tries to very patiently explain the situation to Anakin and get him to view things logically and Anakin refuses and continues to blame the Council for being unfair and unreasonable. Even when he apologizes to Obi-Wan later, he is really only apologizing for being a little bratty TO OBI-WAN and still firmly believes he's in the right about the Council acting unfair to him about, you know, everything. So nothing Obi-Wan has said to him has actually truly gotten through and Anakin has learned next to nothing except like... maybe to act less bratty when called out by the Council? I don't know.
If I branch out a little, the only example I can really come up with where Obi-Wan's disapproval seems to really mean something to him is when he thinks Obi-Wan's DEAD and he makes the claim that he won't kill "Rako Hardeen" specifically because Obi-Wan wouldn't have wanted him to.
But that is ONE MOMENT among many others, even in TCW, where Anakin makes it pretty clear that Obi-Wan's disapproval is not going to stop him from doing whatever he wants, especially if he's upset or desperate to save someone he cares about.
So, personally, while I think you could argue that the same thing as was true in the crack scenario would be true here, that having Obi-Wan there to try to hold Anakin back might provide just long enough of a distraction for Mace to finish the job, I don't honestly think it would have any real impact on Anakin's choice. Anakin would side with Palpatine to save Padme's life, regardless of whether Obi-Wan was standing there or not. Anakin is presumably told about Order 66 before he marches on the Temple, which means he KNOWS Obi-Wan is about to be killed, and he weighs Obi-Wan's life against Padme's in that moment, and decides it's a worthwhile exchange. I can't see that changing just because Obi-Wan is standing in front of him instead of on Utapau. He just does not care about Obi-Wan enough for it to make a real difference.
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fitalich · 5 months
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There's Always a Tell
Jake Kiszka x Reader (Post-Band Film AU)
[Edited - 11/9/23]
After lurking here and there, I finally caved and incorporated Jake into a short piece I'd started for a college class. No, I have no shame.
I hope you find it titillating.
Feedback is welcomed and greatly appreciated 🖤
Contains: Alcohol, cursing, sexual situations...hand kink?
Lead-in: You've overworked this scene to smithereens, rewriting the score, recuts, to where the original scene has been completely abandoned. All to avoid telling the director that you need to reshoot the practical effects that were half of the film's budget. Musician blames the edit; Editor doesn't think it's salvageable. The Musician [Male, sat left] and Editor [First Person, sat right] are reviewing the sequence on the projector. 
“It's just not cutting enough," you said. 
"Mmm.” He took a generous swig of neat blanco from his hatched rocks glass, audibly forcing the liquor down. The long silver pendants around his neck fell forward, dangling in front of his chest whenever he reached for the coffee table. 
His severely unbuttoned shirt did the same, black linen separating past his sternum and joining just below his ribcage, opening itself to expose skin you hadn’t seen. Jake’s body was akin to his other features–His frame was soulfully edged, strong-knit like a craftsman, but his flesh was gentle, supple, a little romantic. 
"I think we’re just gonna have to reshoot it," you said. "Build this up properly." 
His eyes fluttered shut. All the work he’d done, it wouldn’t be lost entirely, but the time wasted pained him. The entire night had been a battle over the pacing, and why it felt so awkward. He had already written the score, so you were left to the task of cutting the film to tempo by hand. If you even alluded to the issues within the raw footage, he’d shoot you a look, don’t say it. One time you muttered, you can put glitter on a piece of shit, it’s still a piece of shit. His best suggestion of the night, I could use a drink, so could you. 
He finally agreed, nodding his head reluctantly. "I'll talk to Josh, see what we can do." He patted the top of your hand twice, resting it there loosely. "What you've done here is fantastic, I'm sorry if I–I didn't mean to insult you–"
"You didn't," You chuckled. "The blind leading the blind," you said pointing between the two of you.
His head fell back with a soft laugh. "Right you are," he said, emphasizing his words with another pat on your hand, resting it there yet again.
You've never rejected his touch, but you've felt the need to question it. You wouldn’t put it past him, whether his actions were intentionally absent-minded, or he was simply unaware of the effect he had on you. Neither he nor his brother were ones to be very shy of physical affection. After a drink, however, he would languidly dance the line of professionalism and flirtation, making himself impossible to extrapolate. That was when you realized, this was the first time you too had been drinking.
He began to tap his thumb against your skin rhythmically, contemplating, while his eyes rested on the frozen film. You watched the tendons in his strumming hand twinge and flex, his middle finger joining in for what was some pattern playing in his head. 
Then the tapping faltered, slowing to a stop. 
You could feel him watching you now, no longer lost in thought. For once, this felt unadorned, forthright, like he was asking for your permission to continue. You looked to him, searching his face for a tell of some kind, but he was only doing just the same. Like you, he had no intent to speak.
You were taken aback by his pupils, so clearly blown out, even with only the flicker of a projector. His lips fell apart from how shallow and desperate his breathing had become, but he tried to hide it. He sucked on his lower lip, softly dragging it out against his teeth, wetting it with his tongue. You felt his hand begin to stir, gently pressing the entire surface of his fingers into your skin. Neither of you had blinked. 
You began to turn your palm over. He took over naturally, leading your hand to be fully encased underneath his. It was warm, almost hot, and it flooded your body. Slowly, he curled his arm, lowering his head slightly as he brought your hand to his soft mouth. He paused. 
A small breath that had escaped his nose tickled your skin. He became entirely transfixed in your eyes, silently ordering them to stay locked on his, before moving again.
He pressed his lips delicately to the base of your thumb, again along the joint, and once more against your knuckle. You pulled a long breath through your nose. 
He looked pleased with himself, wearing a small smirk as he extended your thumb with the coaxing of a finger. He then wrapped his lips around the sensitive pad, watching your mouth part for him. With a gentle squeeze to your hand, he started to suck lightly. A jolt shot up your arm when you felt the brush of his tongue.
"Fuck," you whispered. A small, sweet sound pressed in his throat. He looked to your forearm, catching the trail of goosebumps he'd left behind. You needed to touch him. 
You brought your other hand up the side of his neck, weaving the tips of your fingers through the hair just behind his ear, lightly tracing your thumb along his jawbone. He gave a final kiss to the pulse point in your wrist, and you closed your fingers around the roots of his soft hair. He blew an impish wisp past his lips, shaking his head as if he were trying to taunt you. You tugged harshly. 
He held his jaw stiff, sucking a sharp breath through his teeth, followed by a dark, full-toned groan vibrating in his chest. As your hand wandered back down his neck, he pulled you in by the lock he had on your arm, wanting your body close to his. Pressing your thumb into the hollow under his ear, you rolled his head to the other side, exposing his neck for you.
"That’s what you wanted," he said…
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silvertsundere · 10 months
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Silver Talks AniManga (21/05/23)
no mashle this week cause there was no ep (it was a recap so lol)
forgot there was a 30 pic limit per post woops, had to remove one and combine the series list to make do, something for me to keep in mind for the future, tho I don't expect this to happen super often, it just happened that a buncha non weekly stuff lined up all together
blue - finale/completed
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Anime
Megumin Ep7
no wonder aqua is so useless when her followers act like this I know last week I said it coulda ended on ep 5 or 6 but this ep got one (1) "chuckle" out of me (when yunyun showed up) so I'll give it this one
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Imas CG: U149 Ep7
great episode, like always. koharu is one of the cast members I knew the least about (only really "she's that goofy girl with the lizard") so it was nice to learn more. the insert song in the middle was her character song so I was wondering what the hell they were gonna do for the ed but it was a solo version of onegai cinderella which is extremely fitting
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Pokemon Horizons Ep7
not much happened in the episode other than riko and roy learning how to actually battle and some stuff with bocchi dot. I had my hopes up when the cook said she's his niece so I was hoping she'd have dark skin too but I forgot I'd already seen a cap from the next ep preview and she's white so rip. I do hope she becomes more part of the cast, other than her gurumin appearance, after she gets revealed to the kids so yoppii can show off her talent more. it's a super cool opportunity for her to do a show like pokemon after blowing up with bocchi so would be a shame if she didn't get more screen time, even if gurumin shows up every ep, her performance as dot will be different since it's basically a whole different chara
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Jigokuraku Ep8
this episode added a LOT of scenes from tenza's backstory that just straight up weren't in the manga which was extremely cool to see, ofc you can say that was just to inflate the episodes lenght and make this fight/flashbacks sequence last a whole episode, and you'd probably be right, but it was still good. I know the anime has been a pretty cookie cutter loyal adaptation, without any real eye popping scenes of note, but at least with consistent quality since it's mappa, but seeing them do some original content like this actually gave me hope that maybe, just maybe, this adaptation can be a bit more than what it has been so far, I really hope so because Kaku deserves it
anyway next episode is guaranteed to be gabimaru at The Door, there's no episode next week so I'm hoping that means the fight there will have some sakuga but I know it's foolish to think so considering how the anime has been so far but a man can dream
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Manga
ST✰R: Strike it Rich Ch 2
since I couldn't end up finding a scanlation or the like I ended up paying for it, to be fair it's only 2 bucks for 6 chaps (basically a whole volume) so it's pretty decently priced (lmao at kmanga's 3 bucks per CHAP the hell are they smoking over there). anyway, not a bad chap, expected the fight to be longer but tbf hina IS a monster so ofc it ended after just 1 shot or nozomi coulda actually died. I was expecting her to just break the cuffs she was put in, but what she did was even scarier tbh
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Dandadan Ch106
vamola's flashback is finally over, it's been going for so long I kinda forgot everyone else was experiencing it too tehe. like I said last time, it was good, albeit perhaps a bit too long. hype to get back into the current fight tho, especially with upgraded okarun arriving soon
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Blooming Love Ch4
damn this is the fastest moving romance series ever, it's only ch4 and they're already going on a date let's go
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Kindergarten WARS Ch4 - 6
they ARE indeed doing 3 chaps a week to catch up, that's very good it'll help expedite catching up quite a bit. my buddy mega said some spoilers for one the newest chaps so some of the scenes in 4 and 5 were p funny with that info
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Saihate Quartet Ch12
not much to say about this chap, it was a continuation of the previous but not much happened
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JOJOLands Ch4
rohan taking out 3 stand users on his own was nice to show off the skill difference between them since he's a veteran, tho 2 of them didn't even use their stands. anyway, curious about the diamond, I don't think it'll be a major plot thing like the rokaka fruit BUT I do think it'll be tied to whatever the equivalent to that may end up being
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Jojo: Hol Horse/Josuke Spinoff Ch16 (Finale)
the spinoff wasn't bad, I wasn't sure about it at first since hol horse and josuke seems like such a weird combination but it was nice seeing these familiar characters again. the art wasn't anything crazy but I think it was serviceable, unlike mega who seemed to dislike it. the story was pretty simple, hol horse goes to morioh to find a parrot, meets josuke cause "stand users are attracted to each other" and jojo stuff happens. my favourite bits of the spin off was all the looks at dio we got from the perspective of his goons from part 3. ofc this spinoff isn't canon or anything but it was still neat seeing that. if you like jojo, you'll most likely like this spinoff and it's only 16 chaps so doesn't even take that long to read.
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Pension Life Vampire Ch6
I knew I was right to trust the author and expect some yuri considering their previous series 🙏
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Tokyo Underworld Ch41
alright chap, it's nice to see the rest of the cast do something for once other than just running around, leonidas fight should be done next time too
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The Ichinose Family's Deadly Sins Ch25
man I thought it'd be going towards the finale but more stuff keeps popping up, annoying. I've said it a billion times but I just want it to end already (no pic for this cause there's a 30 pic limit per post so I had to get rid of something)
Fabricant 100 Ch22
yeah and that's the problem with the whole series from the start since she's supposed to be so OP so there's no stakes
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Jiangshi X Ch15
not much to say, just some backstory for the girl and the overall plot and for one of the protags. tho I guess the X in the title is for these 10 super strong ones
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Nue's Exorcist Ch2
another weak chap, it has no chance of lasting on jump like this, it's sad but I'll enjoy how cute nue is while it's still around
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Do Retry Ch3
good chap, some very good matsui style panels in here too, really showing who he learned under, and finally some real boxing which is what the series is supposed to be about
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Kill Blue Ch5
hey this chap was actually p good, instead of just doing the "oh he's an old man in middle school joke" they actually talked about the difference in values between someone his age and the new generation and had him overcome those preconceptions, the scene with his kid was cute too. ending's very HUH tho
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Witch Watch Ch109
it was mostly another kengo bullying chapter for the most part but the ending gag made it all worth it
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Blue Box Ch101
AMAZING chapter, 100 was already good but I didn't expect to get something similar for natsu. all the little details were so good and then the final page was just *chef's kiss* incredibly good chap, really gives me hope the confession will ACTUALLY happen cmon miura I believe in you
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Cipher Academy Ch24
nice chap, was cool seeing iroha mad for once and this is an interesting unusual trio to take the spotlight in the coming arc, looking forward to it
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Tenmaku Cinema Ch6
very good chap, got exactly what I said I wanted out of it last week and it's good to see that they're moving onto actually filming it already not wasting any time
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Mashle Ch156
I always like the "old villains become allies and help defeating the final boss" trope so it's nice to see it here too
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Undead Unluck Ch159
good chap, fuuko's plan may have gone off the rails but things are still working out somehow
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Sakamoto Days Ch119
considering how long we've been in this flashback sequence it's kinda weird to just suddenly zoom to the end of it like this but I don't mind it. it did it's job of explaining what it was supposed to it and now we can move on with the current story, tho next chap will still be the flashback (prob the last one)
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The Elusive Samurai Ch110
nice chaps, the ending gave it very "ending of a series that got canceled" vibes but ofc that isn't the case. interest to see where it's going from here now that tokiyuki has lost all his armies and only has his handful of retainers
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Akane-banashi Ch62
good chap, the journalist girl made a good point at the start of "isn't this just gonna be a popularity contest if the audience and people online can vote for performances" which is something us the readers would think too but they had a good way of going around that, fully expecting akane to be the last to perform so I can't wait for that
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Ayakashi Triangle Ch130
it's pretty funny to see matsuri on the attack for once tho it led to a very unexpected development, guess guy matsuri is gonna stick around for a while longer after all
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biblioflyer · 1 year
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Housekeeping & Mandalorian
It was never my intent that this blog would talk exclusively about Star Trek, indeed my one mildly viral essay is actually about Captain Marvel, but wow I am having a really tough time with The Mandalorian. I see some stuff in it worth talking about, those with an eye for the symbolic would note a lot of heavy religious and messianic symbolism in the early episodes: sacraments, baptism etc.
Which is really neat. It always thrills me to see a very thoughtful approach to cinematography in pulp. Its why I have a weird soft spot for Zack Snyder. His movies are very silly in terms of plot, but they're visually interesting from an art history point of view. I needed a little bit of emotional distance from the high water mark of the Global War on Terror, but even the aggressive patriotism and military fetishism of Michael Bay's Transformers has its moments.
But in most other respects, I'm just not feeling The Mandalorian. The metaplot and the implications of what I think is going to turn into a trinitarian power struggle between Bo, Din, and the Armorer is kind of neat. The world building that is happening on the New Republic side is....something. I'm highly supportive of trying to "do a Clone Wars" on the sequel trilogy. That is to say, remodel the trilogy by creating meaningful links to other pieces of the franchise and reframe a lot of the story and emotional beats by virtue of these connections. Its what Lucasarts did with the prequels.
Yet, I recognize that there was some intentional cognitive dissonance intended in the way that Tim Meadows' scene was filmed. The way it has all of the beats of an office comedy without the laugh track. We are probably supposed to be horrified at how callous this bureaucrat is. Intellectually that's the case, but emotionally? I just didn't feel anything. I figured out that it was going to come down to a beleaguered New Republic lacking the resources or will to help Navarro.
I wasn't quite prepared for there to not be any whiff of sentimentality on the part of the requisitions officer. I'm not really a fan of this "meet the new boss, same as the old boss" kind of approach to the New Republic. I know in both continuities, this is more or less how it turned out, but I'd still rather see some sentimentality, some despair that the New Republic has too many fires and not enough fire trucks. As it is, it just seems to be reaffirming the overall gloomy mood of the sequels that everything the heroes did had turned to ashes long before the First Order opened fire with Starkiller Base.
Then there's the set piece action sequence in "The Pirate." The liberation of Navarro should feel triumphant. But it didn't. From the moment the Mandalorians embarked on Bo's transport, I had a sense that this was going to be a turkey shoot. The Mandos were going to waltz in there and be about as menaced as Chuck Norris assaulting a preschool at nap time. And I was right. Paz Vizla aka the Heavy, even tanks a direct hit from an E-Web, goes down, but gets back to his feet again in no time. After the battle he's walking and talking without even a limp to suggest cracked ribs or anything of the sort.
This isn't even Star Wars action movie logic at this point, Luke, Leia, Han were always on the backfoot and experiencing one or more reversals per fight which is what made their triumphs more interesting. They avoid major injury for the most part, but they also are frequently stymied from achieving their goals and have to find clever ways to persevere.
I get it, these are Mandalorians. The most feared warriors in the galaxy this side of the Jedi, and they were up against a bunch of drunk and disorderly pirates. Narratively speaking, of course it should be incredibly one sided. And that's a boring narrative! If you really wanted to establish how badass these guys are when they're working together in large numbers, sure, an establishing scene would be great for that. But this was kind of silly. Every last one of them is a Captain America right down to the bad guys pouring on a hail of gunfire that never hits anywhere but his shield.
Beskar is plot armor, okay sure. But like Captain America's shield, it shouldn't be abused. It should be used to permit the heroes to do things that nobody else could, up to a point. Yet, like Captain America's shield, there has to be limits. Those limits are clearly visible on every Mandalorian's body. Its the seams in their armor, the places where they don't even wear armor.
Also the capital ship nerd in me is so despondent. This series is leaning into the same beats as Rogue One and The Last Jedi where capital ships are functionally helpless against fighters to a degree that just makes it all the more questionable why anyone would arm them and send them directly into harm's way, let alone build some that are the size of major metropolitan areas.
Am I missing something here? I can see the mold of the emotions that I think I'm supposed to be feeling, but the liquid beskar just hasn't been poured in.
Do I just need to finish Clone Wars or at least watch that Mandalorian saga playlist on Disney+?
Anyway, more Star Trek content is coming. I'm going to watch the latest episode of Picard after I post this. I'm working on some essays pertaining to S1E4 but its getting down into the weeds on some of my thinking on how the show explores different ethical perspectives and uses challenging subject matter to do so and why I think its uncomfortable for OG TNG fans, but I'm trying to exercise the right amount of care and precision when exploring tricky territory while not getting too verbose, and its not going well. What I have isn't lending itself well to chopping it up into smaller, more topical essays. I probably need to be my own harsh editor and make some tough choices about where to cut and just link out to essays that are already saying a lot of the same stuff, just a little differently.
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Hi friend! Hope you're well ❤️ I'll try, and fail, to keep this short by getting straight to my question: I was wondering whether or not you plan chapters. I just started getting into writing (and into reading fanfic tbh, A Girl of the Night's Watch is the second fanfiction ive ever read -- im loving it so far) and wanted to know what your process is; with this book in particular. I love how you build tension, and how you nurture the dynamics and allow for them to grow in a slow and real pace.
One of my favourite things you've written, which you deserve high praise for, is the whole sequence of Caitie being sent off the the Night's Watch. The little snippets we see of her conversation with her brothers and how Owen's send off later ties in with Lord Commander Mormont's short talk with her. And then we get the full scene after finding out the truth of how her brothers and Mormont worked together. It was such a satisfying and well planned out reveal. I had to go back a few chapters just to go through the whole thing again. Absolutely beautiful, truly. And it was subtle, too. I hope you got all the love for it.
Im fangirling, sorry. Back to my question: your process. You seem to have planned out the rest of your fic and where you're to take it (im scared but I know you plan on doing all these characters justice). Do you do this before you ever start the fic, or is it something you do sporadically? Do you write 10 chapters beforehand, or upload immediately after writing a single one?
Sorry if this was intrusive or boringly long. I appreciate your work and just had to ask. Cannot wait for the update, im genuinely on the edge of my seat.
Firstly, let me just say congratulations on your journey into fanfiction (and into writing as a whole)! I hope you continue to have a good experience with it, and feel free to ask whatever you want whenever you want—I don’t mind.
Now to answer to your question. To be honest, it’s a bit… complicated, because I am not a well-organized person, and so my writing process is pretty all-over-the-place. I have a document with the chapters all listed (even the ones that haven’t been written yet, which are always subject to change) and I have a rough idea of what will go in those chapters which definitely keeps me on track—but for the most part, my philosophy when it comes to outlining is: “know the basics of where you’re taking the story, and bullshit your way through the rest.”
For example, some of the major plot beats of the story I did have mapped out in my head from the very beginning—the Mormont thing, pretty much everything to do with Caitie and Grenn, her being found out after the battle at Castle Black, etc. I actually even wrote the events of S8 first (though the final version will be very different because the story and characters are wayyyy more developed than they were when I started). But there were also a lot of plot beats that developed on their own as I was writing, and I simply adjusted as needed. For example, Johnna and Willa didn’t exist until I was doing some early drafting for parts of season 5 (I think I was still posting season 4 chapters at that point), and Caitie’s friendship arc with Wun-Wun didn’t really become a thing until I started drafting Hardhome and went “Oh yikes, she’s probably gonna have issues with giants, isn’t she? I should probably acknowledge that,” and then things spiraled from there. I also tend to jump back and forth between scenes when drafting, so like, if I have any ideas for a much later scene, what I’ll do is open my drafts document where I basically just vomit words into blocks of text without paragraph breaks, and write the snippets there so I don’t forget them. Then whenever I get to the scene it belongs to, I can expand on whatever little bit I’d written down earlier. And honestly, half the time, I’ll start writing a scene and let it just go wherever it wants.
I do, however, write the final drafts of chapters ahead of where I’m posting. I usually try to be about 4-5 chapters ahead, although at the moment I’m closer to 7-8 because I really, really, really, wanted to get through season 7 as fast as possible so I blew through it. But if I had a time machine and could go back to 2020 to do it all over again, I probably would write everything out before posting. Because there are always things I think of later or change my mind about and waiting to post would have been a lot more convenient than editing afterwards.
TLDR; I vomit-draft whatever comes to mind, do the bare-bones of plotting by figuring out chapters (when I’m really stuck I will actually go and plot out the chapter on paper beat by beat), then write up a final draft that I spend way too much time editing. And I usually like to have at least 4 or 5 chapters finished (pre-edited, though) ahead of posting.
I hope this made sense! If you need any clarifications, let me know.
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july-19th-club · 3 years
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once again sucker punched by the absolute scale of the silm and middle-earth stories in general. it’s never really implied that elves experience time *differently* than shorter-lived species, just that they experience a lot of it. a day doesn’t feel like a minute to them, it feels like a day. a year feels like a year. a hundred years feels like a hundred years and that’s why sometimes after you’ve seen thousands of the motherfuckers you start to fade away out of the sheer ‘for real? a day? what’s next? another one?’-ness of it all. there was me sitting around getting all emotional over maedhros and fingon when those dudes had just shy of five hundred years together after thanogordrim happens and they start to repair the feud. and fingon was only king for about seventy of them! the siege of angband itself was four hundred years long. shit. i cant even comprehend trying to make an adaptation out of this that would accurately get the concept of all this time across. you’d have to invent new kinds of montages. have an unseen but everpresent mandos doing the ‘galadriel in the first couple minutes of fellowship’ thing and quietly pronouncing dooms and reminding us of the passage of time throughout every episode, just so we didn’t forget and start thinking it was taking place over a course of a couple of months
#i actually like the idea of mandos pronouncing dooms as a sort of background narration for the story#lotr#especially in the faenor-centric parts#at first he’s just telling us relevant information#then he starts to have a bit more opinion on it#then it starts to really sound like a prophecy#in the episode that details the battle of unnumbered tears this sense is REALLY heavy#and i think it's just one long continuous scene and it's just battle sequence after battle sequence from group to group until the end#we get the scenes where the forces of maedhros and turgon scatter and 'last of all hurin stood alone'#and we see the haudth-en-nirnaeth and the blue and silver livery streaked and torn and piled in heaps#and THEN. the first proper scene in the halls of mandos where he's not just a firm but distant voice as we watch other things happen#and we realize now as we move silently through the halls closer and closer to him that he's been telling the doom TO someone the whole time#and it's fingon. he starts off looking like he's just come off the field. still in his regalia. braids fraying and bloody. ashen; stunned#but as the doom is told and he rests in the halls he begins to look more substantial. he trades his battle dress for simpler clothes#his hair regains it shine. as he listens to mandos' voice he begins to look more expressive#but he is also party to everything that happens to the sons of feanor and those they meet and slay as the age wears to a close#he spends the rest of the relevant portions of the show like patroclus just sort of......ghosting through the narrative where it pertains to#what he finds important#after maedhros is dead and most of the feanorian stuff is over we get the resolution to their personal arc#fingon died without fault and we learn that he's had the opportunity to move back to valinor for a while now#we learn he’s been putting off his opportunity to move back to valinor . wants to make sure he isn’t going to be doing it alone#this is a real worrier for maedhros who did some shit in his day and died of Don’t Touch That Rock#but i think ultimately of course they get to go back#q
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w1ndrunn3rblog · 3 years
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Female Gamers, Sylvanas Windrunner, and Sexism: Gender Politics in ‘World of Warcraft’
When Sylvanas Windrunner herself is the focus of actual academic study and is used as the primary example of how Blizzard's writing of women and it's treatment of trauma survivors is part of a larger issue regarding how society treats them, you know it's a serious problem.
I happened to find this paper purely by accident. In essence, it carry's out open-ended surveys to empirically address three questions:
In what ways does World of Warcraft (re)construct cultural ideas about gender within the game? Through Sylvanas Windrunner in particular?
Do the ways that WoW (re)constructs cultural ideas about gender affect how female players are treated in the game?
How do women talk about the ways in which they negotiate gender in the WoW community?
Much to my pleasant surprise, I found it extremely validating for what so many of us, particularly in this fandom, have been saying about Blizzard's writing for years. Furthermore, it makes a number of observations I had not even considered before. Although it was written in 2014 (at the tail end of 'Mists of Pandaria'), almost all of the observations made about Sylvanas's character, and female characters in general, are still just as relevant now. It is a daunting 87 pages long, and there are some parts which you could argably skim read, but I highly recommend my fellow Loyalist followers take the time to read it and spread the word to help other WoW fans understand where we are coming from.
Finally, it goes without saying, but ample **Trigger Warnings** for discussions regarding certain aspects of Sylvanas's story that may be too sensitive for some.
Below I have attached a few excerpts from the paper to give you an idea of what it focuses on but, as mentioned above, I strongly recommend reading the whole peice to do it justice.
Sylvanas’ story as an example of r*pe is problematic because it continues the stereotyping of women who are victims of this abuse. As O’Hara explains, “Popular r*pe myths about r*pe victims include: ‘only bad girls get r*ped, victims ‘ask for it’ by getting drunk at parties or wearing provocative clothing, and women who claim they were r*ped are lying, have ulterior motives, or wanted sex at the time but changed their minds afterwards” (O’Hara). The treatment of Sylvanas after hersoul is ripped from her body by Arthas is a perfect example of these r*pe myths as she is never sympathized with by any of the leaders of the factions, or even by the people whom she died trying to save. By using this trope of r*pe within the text, the developers continue a discursive practice in which r*pe is continued to be talked about in a way that is harmful to victims of r*pe.
Part of the insinuation of r*pe and death being linked in Sylvanas’ story sends the message that r*pe is a death, and that the way Sylvanas is able to break away is only through another life, a life of undeath, but she is no longer the high elf Sylvanas. Sylvanas’ sister Vereesa, even refuses to acknowledge Sylvanas as her sister and considers her sister dead when the player speaks with her in Dalaran. While it may be possible to argue that the developers intended to showcase the negative treatment of r*pe victims in order to eradicate callousness towards victims of r*pe, Sylvanas’ character continues to be written as a “bad girl”, a “bitch”, and she has yet to be redeemed in a way for the audience to view her as a hero.
Despite her large role in the defeat of the Lich King—there is in fact an entire dungeon in which Horde players work with her to try to defeat him, as well as bases in Northrend to bring about his downfall—she is absent from the final defeat of the Lich King in the Icecrown Citadel raid and cinematic. She also lacks a spot in the statue built in one of the main cities, Dalaran, to celebrate the heroes who brought about an end to the Lich King. Her omission completely leaves her out the minds of players as they experience the final raid and cinematic. For players, the raids and subsequent cinematic are usually very important to understanding the story line currently taking place within the game. Why, despite her large role within his defeat, is Sylvanas subsequently left out of the celebration of heroes? The omission of her in the victory statue and her character in the final battle cinematic could perhaps send the message that she is in fact not viewed as a hero, and furthermore that she lacks importance within the story. In fact, none of the figures in the final battle against Arthas or in the victory statue are women. Only men are able to be the heroes at the end, despite the large role of Sylvanas, as well as another female character, Jaina Proudmore, in bringing about his downfall. Her disappearance from the final defeat of the Lich King stresses the point that Simone de Beauvoir made in her book "The Second Sex" that as a woman, Sylvanas is secondary. After her disappearance from the final scenes of the expansion Wrath of the Lich King, her character falls into the background and subsequently is either forgotten or treated as a villain instead.
The negative treatment of Sylvanas can be further seen in the way she is treated by even other members of her faction—other leaders who are supposed to be her allies. The following conversation occurs during the WoW expansion Cataclysm, which follows the death of Arthas, between Garrosh Hellscream, leader of the Horde, and Sylvanas. The conversation taking place is primarily concerned with the problem the Forsaken are currently having with the numbers of their people falling in battle. Sylvanas believes she has found a solution: raising the newly dead as Forsaken since her people cannot procreate. While I think the argument can be made that indeed what she intends to do—raise her dead enemies as her own people much like the Lich King did to her—seems abhorrent, Garrosh Hellscream makes judgment on Sylvanas, as though her crimes are more terrible than his own, and calls her a “bitch.” We use it for the woman who doesn’t back down from a confrontation. So let’s not be disingenuous. Is it a bad word? Of course it is. As a culture, we’ve done everything possible to make sure of that, starting with a constantly perpetuated mindset that deems powerful women to be scary, angry and, of course, unfeminine (Zeisler). Sylvanas is powerful, and because she is powerful, automatically she is painted as a scary, angry, and unfeminine character through the word “bitch” and the story writers don’t work to change that in any way—in fact, they reinforce it.
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finalfantasyix · 3 years
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Meet The Team Working On A Final Fantasy 9 Remake You’ll Never Get To Play
Final Fantasy 9: Memoria Project is a fan homage like nothing we've ever seen before. “It is no secret that fan projects get shut down all the time,” Dan Eder tells us about Final Fantasy 9: Memoria Project, a fan-driven love letter to the classic JRPG. It isn’t aiming to be a playable remake of the epic adventure though - instead, it’s an aesthetic homage to its timeless world and characters.
It’s somewhat anomalous in the world of community creations, but Eder wants to use this distinct identity to craft something truly special, even if many obstacles stand in the way of making it a reality. But the team keeps moving forward: “Without a doubt, some of the most frequent comments we get from naysayers is ‘have fun with it while it lasts’ or ‘cease and desist incoming’”, Eder explains. “People are understandably skeptical of the longevity potential of yet another passion project. The key difference is that, unlike those projects, Memoria is essentially an elaborate piece of fan art, nothing more - it will have no actual gameplay, will never be released to the public, and is nothing more than a ‘what-if’ scenario. [It’s] no different from any other fan-made piece of artwork. We have never, and will never, make a single dollar out of this project, and are basically doing this for the personal gratification of the fans.”
The genesis of Memoria Project dates all the way back to Eder’s younger years, with dreams of a potential FF9 remake entering his imagination soon after the original game’s launch. That’s no great surprise - millions still regard Final Fantasy 9 as the series’ finest hour. “While it's true that the project really started to pick up steam a few months ago, it wouldn't be a stretch to say I've been planning it since high school,” Eder explains. “I remember scribbling ‘FF9 remake’ on my notepad during classes and writing imaginary new features and battle system mechanics, starting online petitions to remake FF9 for the PS2, sketching drawings depicting scenes from the ‘FF9 sequel’ and whatnot. I could confidently say that my life would probably have been completely different had my older brother not borrowed this game from his friend in the summer of 2000.
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“As a non-native English speaker who had never played an RPG up until that point, my first playthrough was a challenging experience to say the least, and I can honestly say that I understood literally nothing of what was going on the first time I finished the game (how I even managed to beat it is a mystery in and of itself). It didn't really matter to me though, since I was absolutely enamored with the incredible cast of characters, jaw-dropping FMV sequences, mesmerizing music, thrilling gameplay, and just the overall atmosphere and charm it exuded at every step. My unconditional love for this game persisted throughout my entire childhood and adult life, and it is one of the central reasons why I chose to become a 3D character artist in the video game industry. In short, this project is my way of thanking this game for everything it has done for me over the past 21 years.”
Eder’s passion for this game can be found across several industry professionals who grew up with games like this and wanted to replicate them, or create something entirely unique to live up to their brilliance. This is very much how Memoria Project found its feet, beginning life as a trivial side activity before blossoming into something infinitely more ambitious. It still has a long way to go, but there’s little urgency to reach the finish line, so the team can take their time and just enjoy the nostalgic indulgence of it all.
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“Memoria actually started unofficially as a side project when I reached out to Colin Valek [of] Sucker Punch Studios in early 2020 after I came across his fanart of an environment from FF7,” Eder says. “I had already modeled Princess Garnet, and thought it could be a fun idea to combine our talents to reimagine the opening area of Alexandria. Initially, it was progressing at a snail's pace - we were slowly chipping away at it for over a year without making a lot of progress. While Colin continued modeling the buildings, I created another character - Vivi.”
This glacial pace received a resurgence of sorts in January when the Alexandria scene was finally complete, with Eder and company finally being able to see how much potential the project had if it was opened up to a larger range of creators. “When I posted that WIP screenshot, the response from fellow FF fans was overwhelmingly positive, more than we could have imagined,” Eder remembers. “Very quickly, other people from the gaming industry started reaching out - environment artists, animators, riggers, concept artists. That's when I decided to turn this side project into a full-fledged modern reimagining of the original game, while always making sure to emphasize the fact that this is a non-playable proof-of-concept, since we never have any intention of doing anything to violate Square Enix's copyright. Four months after officially announcing the project, we've grown from a couple of FF fanboys to a huge team of over 20 industry veterans working collaboratively to honor this masterpiece, fueled by our love and adoration for the source material.”
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Now, the project has over 20 developers from Sucker Punch, Ubisoft, Rare, Unbroken Studios, and more all diving into this labour of love in their spare time, with composers and voice actors also contributing their talents to help make this glimpse into the world of Final Fantasy 9 worth celebrating. But Eder is aware of being overly enthusiastic, knowing that fan projects like this often doom themselves by undertaking something that isn’t feasible with so few resources.
“One of the most common traps for these kinds of fan projects is being overly ambitious,” Eder says. “Since all of us are actively working in the video game industry, we understand the importance of milestones, short term goals, and taking things one step at a time. For now, we are focusing our efforts on the opening sequence of the game, which mainly revolves around Vivi and his exploration of Alexandria. Where we go from here is still being discussed, but one thing I can say for sure is that Vivi will not be the only main character we're planning to include.” I’m told that Memoria is aiming to look indistinguishable - at least from a graphics perspective - from something you’d see in a triple-A blockbuster, and it seems the team has the pedigree to back that claim up.
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Visuals are the entire point after all, since turning this project into a playable piece of media would require far more resources to create. By narrowing its focus, Memoria is able to deliver something special while also hopefully avoiding the ire of Square Enix. “The fact that this is a non-playable project definitely makes it easier for us to tailor the experience in a way that would truly allow the audience to be fully immersed in the world without having to worry about technical limitations,” Eder tells me. “Creating actual functional gameplay is a completely different ball game, one that we never had any intention of even discussing given the copyright limitations. This gives us a lot of leeway with how we are going to portray the world of Gaia in terms of character interaction, camera movement, [and] scene transitions. We have a lot of cool plans for the near future - please look forward to it!”
As for the sad truth of fan projects like this often being wiped from existence by publishers throwing out cease and desist letters, Eder is confident that Memoria occupies a niche where this won’t happen. It’s not a commercial or even playable product - it’s a piece of fan art, albeit an endlessly elaborate one. If the tides were to change, Eder believes companies should welcome the enthusiasm for experiences like this.
“If I were to be completely honest, I think it could be a potentially brilliant decision by Square Enix to do something wildly unexpected and invest in a project like this,” Eder states. “There's a considerable amount of hype, talent, motivation, and pure, unadulterated passion behind it. It's not something I would expect, but I think it could be incredibly helpful in regaining some of the trust and reverence that this legendary company was known for during its golden years.”
(source)
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fakeikemen · 4 years
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The "Cave of Two Lovers" foreshadows the Zutara interactions in "Crossroads of Destiny"
[And maybe after that too; (yeah this part will be purely based on speculation)]
(See also: A meta that everybody has already written but I haven't because I was living under a rock and watched Avatar very recently)
Like seriously, it is so obvious? I see people try to interpret "The Legend Of Oma and Shu" in so many other ways; like yeah, you're free to interpret it however you want but— most people try to make sense of it while thinking that the tale is just a random occurrence? But it's not.
And here's why:
(I'm so sorry, I tried to add the "keep reading" link here because this gets kinda long but it just won't work) (Also click on the pictures if you want better resolution).
The tale of Oma and Shu is about two lovers who belonged to villages that were at war against each other. To continue meeting each other, they learnt earthbending to create caves in the mountain that divides the two villages. But one day Shu didn't come to the caves. He'd died in the war. So Oma unleashed a terrifying display of her power. And then when people were willing to listen to her, she called off the war and strived for peace between both the villages. As a result the city of Omashu was created— as a monument in remembrance of their love.
So in comparison:
1. Two people belonging to the opposite sides of the war
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(Other than the 100 year old war that has been going on, Zuko and Katara are involved in a very fundamental conflict: Capture the Avatar Vs. Protect the Avatar.)
2. With the same colour scheme:
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3. Share intimate moments in a cave lit by green crystals:
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A popular argument for this comparison is that; Oma and Shu had a positive impressions of each other when they first met. Unlike Zuko and Katara where Katara's first impression of Zuko was pretty negative because he invaded her village.
Zuko and Katara's first proper conversation happens in "Crossroads of Destiny" i.e.; the scene I'm talking about here. After this interaction that they have, I think it's safe to say that they did have positive impressions of each other. (Until Zuko made the wrong choice.)
Other than that, about the colour scheme being a coincidence: Here and here are posts by @marsreds about how the colours are definitely not a coincidence.
But seriously guys? Oma and Shu were the FIRST EARTHBENDERS and yet, instead of greens and yellows they were designed with RED and BLUE?!? (I'll take about Oma's green dress below.)
And on that note, why were Zuko and Katara the only ones who were thrown into the catacombs when everybody else was being held at the dungeons? The dungeons wouldn't have been easy to escape, neither for Zuko nor for Katara.
It's because Zuko and Katara were meant to share an intimate moment in a cave that was supposed to jog our visual memory to remind us of the caves built by Oma and Shu.
(Seriously though, I wasn't really paying attention during CoTL and thought that the Omashu legend was just put in to consume screen time, so I missed the red/blue thing. But then I watched CoD and saw the catacombs and I was like: "Isn't this like that cave made by the lovers?" And then I proceeded to have an oh shit moment because, I knew that Zutara was not canon so I never even considered the possibility of the narrative hinting at anything between them but then this happened. I mean, it's pretty darn obvious).
The colour of the crystals being the same in both caves is no coincidence either— if they just wanted two random caves with crystals, then they could've used a different colour because crystals of different colours exist:
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Moving on,
The Visual Cues:
According to the colour coding Zuko = Oma (red) and Katara = Shu (blue).
So,
EXHIBIT A:
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I feel like this one speaks for itself.
(I personally think that in this parallel Oma is in red because Katara at this point still sees Zuko as the face of the Fire Nation.)
EXHIBIT B:
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This sequence of frames show Oma (dressed in green, like Zuko was in the catacombs) and Shu (dressed in his usual blue), standing on neutral territory and reaching out to each other and then being torn apart by the war.
Pretty much like:
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The first time they are in each other's presence without the cause of their conflict (i.e. the Avatar), Zuko and Katara reach out to each other empathetically and attain bone deep understanding of each other within a matter of minutes. This whole encounter is in Ba Sing Se, which counts for the neutral territory because it hadn't been completely taken over by Fire Nation at that point.
And honestly? The raw vulnerability and intimacy of this scene and the high emotional energy of their powerful dynamic is just— wow. (I put off my binging spree for a whole day because I didn't have the heart to see Zutara not become canon after all of this.)
And soon after, Zuko and Katara face each other in battle, their tentative friendship torn apart, as they fight from their respective sides of the war.
EXHIBIT C:
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Whenever Oma and Shu appear in the same frame during the visualization of the legend, Oma is always on the left half of the frame and Shu is on the right.
Similarly, throughout all their interactions in the Catacombs, whenever the frame exclusively includes Zuko and Katara, Zuko (like Oma) is on the left half of the frame and Katara (like Shu) is on the right.
The parallels (or foils rather):
#1
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In CoTL, we see Song who is a healer (cures Iroh of his poisoning). She mentions that she hasn't seen her father since a Fire Nation raid took place in her village. Zuko empathises with her and says that he too hasn't seen his father in a long while. But then he refuses to say anything else about it.
Later Song tries to reach out to Zuko and tries to touch his scar— which Zuko prevents her from. She shows Zuko her own scars to show that she understood him.
And yet, Zuko doesn't open up to her.
After a while of life-changing and eye-opening experiences, in CoD, when Katara has her meltdown and cries while saying that her mother was snatched away from her by the Fire Nation; Zuko sees an opening to offer an olive branch and he takes it, he empathises with her and tells her that how his mother was snatched away by the Fire Nation as well.
Then Zuko opens up to Katara in a show of complete vulnerability. He openly talks about his scar and what he feels about it. In response, Katara offers to heal his scar and then Zuko lets her touch his scar.
It was nothing but a deliberate choice to make Song slightly parallel Katara (a healer, lost a parent because of the war) and then making Zuko not open up to her and not let her touch the scar, only for Katara to be the one he opened up to and allowed to touch the scar.
#2
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After being trapped with Aang in the cave in CoTL and sharing an intimate moment with him, as soon as they find their way out, Katara runs straight ahead without looking back.
But after her time with Zuko, trapped in the Catacombs in CoD, while leaving she turns back to look at Zuko.
Judging by the amount of time the animation puts into showing us Aang's disappointment at Katara running off and into making it clear that Katara did look back at Zuko and that Zuko looked right back at her, to me, it feels like the choice to show this was pretty deliberate.
(Turning back to look at a person while leaving is a romantic trope that has been overused to death? Or is it just bollywood?)
Also I wouldn't have paid this much attention to this small detail if not for the fact that just a hint of the Omashu legend theme is played here?
No, I swear I'm not making it up.
The Omashu legend theme is used in CoD:
The Omashu legend theme is largely dominated by the music of a stringed instrument (forgive me, I don't know what it's called) alongwith a steady melody playing in the background.
In CoD, when Katara and Zuko start conversing for real, (i.e.; when Katara says: "I'm sorry I yelled at you.") what sounds like a variation of the background melody in the Omashu legend theme, starts its subtle ascent as the background score, but sans the music of the stringed instrument.
It is when Katara says: "Maybe you could be free of it." [About Zuko's scar], when then first hint of the stringed instrument is heard. It is only a single note of the strings but it's there. And this "single note" sound keeps on repeating at regular intervals with the melody building up until Aang and Iroh burst into the catacombs.
But then, when Katara is leaving with Aang and she turns back to look at Zuko, this time the music that plays for a few seconds at best, is dominated by the stringed instrument again and this time it's unmistakable.
Also I don't think this music is used anywhere else in the course of the whole show? So it can't really be a coincidence? But I don't really know. I'm saying this on the basis of as far as my memory can reach.
And this is as far as canon stands testimony to what I am trying to say here.
But what about the second half of the story yk, the dying thing, you say?
Well this is where the speculations come in.
Speculation Time:
#1
As a thumb rule, a romance foreshadowed by a tragic tale is meant to have a happy ending.
So this time when Katara's (Shu) life is in danger (Azula's lightning bolt), Zuko (Oma) steps in at the nick of time to save her life (by jumping infront of Katara to intercept the lightning).
(Since I have crossed the limit of images in a post, here is a post by @araeph which illustrates this point.)
Yes, I am completely aware that Zuko taking the lightning bolt for Katara is not his declaration of love for her. What I mean to say is that the whole scene was so very painfully obviously romantically framed (the immediate change in music when Zuko realises where the lightning bolt was headed, both of their expressions, Zuko's agonized "Nooooo", the slow-mo throughout the shot).
I am also aware that Zuko would've taken the lightning bolt for anyone. But it is the narrative that demands that Zuko take the lightning bolt for Katara and Katara only. Because this has atleast 10 different payoffs (a direct callback to the Book 2 finale where Azula had shot Aang with the lightning; the grief of which was for Katara to bear but this time Zuko himself stands between the lightning and Katara instead of being the silent spectator, the culmination of both Zuko and Katara's personal character arcs, Zuko's scar would parallel Aang's: Aang got it because he chose Katara over the world and Zuko got it because he was willing to give up the world to save Katara, etc, etc).
Tl;dr: The lightning scene wouldn't hold all that much weight if it wasn't Zuko taking the hit for Katara because the narrative literally demands it.
#2
This is where we start wading into really murky waters.
From mucking around on Tumblr due to Zutara feels™, I came across this post where some of the ideas for Book 4 were written:
• The Southern Water Tribe experienced the longest series of attacks from the Fire Nation. Zuko and Katara become political partners and work together to help end the animosity and repair relations between their two nations.
• Just like how Zuko learned to appreciate the Earth Kingdom, he would learn to appreciate the Water Tribes. Katara also learns to respect the complexity of Fire Nation culture. There is no such thing as an “evil” nation.
And that basically means that Zuko and Katara would've been working together to de-escalate the hostility between their respective nations and improve the relations between the two nations, while learning about each other's cultures simultaneously as the world would be in the process of being rebuilt after the war and they would be major role-players in shaping the new world.
Which is quite similar to how Oma strived for peace between the two villages and then as a result of the improved relations between the villages, the city of Omashu was built as a monument to the love story of Oma and Shu; which might just be symbolic of building a new world where both the villages could live in peace due to the initiative taken by Oma on behalf of herself and Shu.
The story would've come a full circle; that's all I'm saying.
If you've stuck around for this long, thank you for taking the time to read this long ass post with points that you may already have read ♥️
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Episode Spotlight: M*A*S*H, Season 1, Episode 17: Sometimes You Hear the Bullet
Frank Burns throws his back out and applies for a Purple Heart.  Meanwhile, Hawkeye Pierce meets, and later operates on, an old friend and struggles with the decision of whether or not to send an underaged soldier home.
More than halfway through season 1, M*A*S*H wasn’t exactly killing in the ratings.  The show wasn’t quite sure of itself yet, with tons of recurring characters that would end up dropped and other characters not yet added to the main cast.  Airing at eight o’clock on Sunday nights, M*A*S*H was, at this stage in the game, a relatively normal sitcom, albeit one with a bit sharper sense of humor.
That all changed with Sometimes You Hear the Bullet.
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I’ll show you what I mean.
The episode starts humorously enough: Major Frank Burns throws his back out during a rendezvous with Major Houlihan.  He is placed into traction, where he applies for a Purple Heart for his ‘injury’.  Meanwhile, Hawkeye is visited by an old friend and kindred irreverent spirit: Corporal Tommy Gillis, a journalist who signed up for the front lines as he writes his book: You Never Hear the Bullet, a book meant to be written from a soldier’s point of view, instead of a reporter’s.
A helicopter full of wounded arrive at the unit, and Gillis returns to his post.
Among the wounded is a young man with a burst appendix, a Private Wendell Petersen, who is very anxious to get back to the front lines.  Hawkeye tells him that he has to rest for a few days before returning to his unit.  This doesn’t stop Wendell from attempting to steal an army jeep to try to get back, afraid that he was going to be sent home.
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After talking with him, Hawkeye figures out the truth: Wendell Petersen is actually Walter Peterson, and he’s not even sixteen years old.
It turns out that Walter posed as his brother, Wendell, and entered the war to impress his girlfriend back home by returning with a medal.  He begs Hawkeye to keep his secret, and, after returning him to his bed, Hawkeye agrees.
Shortly, more wounded arrive, and among them is Tommy Gillis.  Hawkeye operates on him, but even his best is not enough, and he dies on the operating table after telling Hawkeye that he did hear the bullet.  Hawkeye tries to revive him, but Colonel Henry Blake orders him to move on to save another life.
Afterwards, Hawkeye breaks down crying.
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“Henry, I know why I’m crying now. Tommy was my friend, and I watched him die, and I’m crying. I’ve watched guys die almost every day. Why didn’t I ever cry for them?”
“Because you’re a doctor.”
Hawkeye asks what that means, and Henry answers with one of the greatest lines in the show’s history.
“I don’t know. If I had the answer, I’d be at the Mayo Clinic. Does this place look like the Mayo Clinic? Look, all I know is what they taught me at command school. There are certain rules about a war. And rule number one is young men die. And rule number two is, doctors can’t change rule number one.”
Right then and there, Hawkeye decides to change rule number one in some small way, and calls the MPs on Private Wendell, really Walter, outing the fact that he’s underage.  Walter, outraged, tells Hawkeye that he’ll never forgive Hawkeye for the rest of his life.
Hawkeye replies: “Let’s hope it’s a long and healthy hate.”
In one final scene (one that’s usually cut from syndication), Henry Blake begins to present Frank with his Purple Heart, only to find it replaced with a purple earring, while outside, Hawkeye pins the Purple Heart on Walter to make up for turning him in, sending him home, but home a hero.
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The end.
Sometimes You Hear the Bullet is considered one of M*A*S*H’s best episodes for a reason.  This is an early episode, one that is regarded as a tone and trend setter for the rest of the series in terms of both storyline balance (one or two serious plotlines, one humorous), and content itself, one of the first episodes to sit down and truly explore the characters within this tragic situation.  At this moment, M*A*S*H ceased being a comedy show and became a dramedy, with one of the most memorable moments and exchanges in the show’s long history.
While this episode may seem like a standard half-hour of television, at the time, especially for this show, it was something different.  It was no longer a slapstick grittier Hogan’s Heroesque irreverent comedy about soldiers, it was a show about a group of people stuck in the middle of a war, with death all around them.  And no matter how good Hawkeye, or any of the doctors, are at their jobs, they’ll never be able to save everyone.
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It’s sobering, but it’s a truth that the show had, for the first time, truly explored, and it’s that initial exploration, that glimmer of what this show was going to become, that puts this episode under so much recognition: Sometimes You Hear the Bullet was the warning sign, the first moment that the writers got a handle on the show that would become a classic.
Of course, it has it’s problems.  
Not tonal ones, at least, not exactly.  Throughout its entire run, M*A*S*H often had two or three plots going, one serious, one humorous.  This is a smart strategy: balance out the dark with the light, giving each episode a more even feeling instead of being too much one or the other.  Although the show would get darker and more serious as time went on, the writers never abandoned this plan, allowing M*A*S*H to remain a consistent dramedy throughout the show’s run, keeping the audience laughing and crying at the same time.
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In the case of Sometimes You Hear the Bullet, the ‘funny’ subplot is obvious: Frank Burns and his Purple Heart.  The other two storylines are the serious ones: Hawkeye’s friend, as well as the underaged soldier.  However, in most cases, as in this one, these plotlines inevitably intersect, and it’s here that this particular episode might cause a few problems.
I mentioned that the final scene in the episode is typically cut from syndication: the sequence where Frank’s purple heart is stolen and given to the underaged soldier, instead.  While this scene may not, at first, seem inherently out of place within the context of the rest of the episode, swinging from comedy to drama within a minute, there are those who believe that this scene unintentionally undermines the rest of the episode, or the main thrust established a few moments earlier.
And those people aren’t exactly wrong.
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I certainly agree that the episode would have been stronger had it ended with the soldier’s final interaction with Hawkeye been proclaiming his hatred, only for Hawkeye to soberly respond that he hopes it’s a long and healthy hate.  Changing that to this new ending, where Hawkeye sends him home with a medal, seems almost out of character for Hawkeye, taking away some of the sincerity and severity of the message just a moment earlier.  The idea that this soldier could bring himself to forgive Hawkeye so soon, before realizing what exactly he’d been saved from, seems a little disingenuous after the weight previously given to this subplot.
In later episodes, it’s possible, even probable that this episode wouldn’t have ended tied in such a neat bow.  But that’s one of the things that’s so interesting about this episode.
Sometimes You Hear the Bullet isn’t the first episode of ‘true’ M*A*S*H as it would be remembered in the future, but it is the first episode where M*A*S*H comes into its own themes, looking hard at war, and the toll it takes not only on the soldiers, but on the surgeons, as well.  Before this, for the most part, ‘characters’, friends of the cast, did not die on the operating table.  Not when Hawkeye could save him.
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But I’m going to quote Hawkeye from another season 1 M*A*S*H episode, Yankee Doodle Doctor, as I think that it sums up this the point of this episode pretty well:
“Three hours ago, this man was in a battle. Two hours ago, we operated on him. He’s got a 50-50 chance. We win some, we lose some. That’s what it’s all about. No promises. No guaranteed survival. No saints in surgical garb. Our willingness, our experience, our technique are not enough. Guns, and bombs, and anti-personnel mines have more power to take life than we have to preserve it. Not a very happy ending for a movie. But then, no war is a movie.”
That right there is the point of Sometimes You Hear the Bullet, to the point where the doomed Tommy Gillis even references the film tropes of a young, fresh-faced kid hearing the bullet that kills him.  This is the message that Hawkeye must grapple with: he cannot save everyone.
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No matter how much he knows, how good he is, he can never save everyone.  No guaranteed survival.
It’s sobering, but it’s the truth.  And it’s what makes this episode so memorable.
M*A*S*H at this point was still mostly a comedy, a series full of jokes and the occasional serious moment, and it would continue to be so for another few years.  But it was this episode, episode seventeen of the first season, that signaled to audiences that this show could be more than that.  It could make you laugh, sure, but it could make you cry, and it wasn’t that surprising: this was war.
In short: by itself, is Sometimes You Hear the Bullet one of the greatest episodes of television, or even M*A*S*H, ever written?  Maybe.  Maybe not.  But what it is, without much doubt, is the first sign of maturity in a show that had a lot of growing up to do.
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Whether the shift was instantaneous or not, the fact is, Sometimes You Hear the Bullet was a game changer in the show’s history, the first break in format that truly showed audiences what they could expect in the years ahead.
On top of that?  It’s just a good episode.
The plot balance is decent, without too much mood-whiplash that could so easily occur in a war dramedy.  The characters, decently familiar to audiences by now, all work off of each other just as well as ever, funny, interesting, and heartfelt in turn.  It’s an example of early M*A*S*H at it’s best, overshadowing many first season episodes with a level of depth previously mostly unexplored, delivering on every scene and remaining mostly genuine.  It’s an engaging episode, full of memorable moments that are thoughtful and earnest, making this episode a standout, a moment in television history, and an unmissable installment for avid watchers of M*A*SH, and television fans in general.
Don’t forget that the comment box is always open for anything from suggestions and discussion ideas to questions and conversations!  Thank you guys so much for reading, and I hope to see you guys in the next article.
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luvlyrv · 3 years
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Another Dance (Duel Pt. 2) | Seulgi x F!Reader
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Genre: fluff, knight!au
Summary: Seulgi has taught you how to dance, but now she needs to teach you what this new feeling brewing in your chest means.
Word Count: 3k
A/N: Sorry this took a while to get out. Thank you again to my editor I always love your suggestions. I hope everything in this follow up makes sense.
Date: 5/9/21
Click here to read part one
Perhaps these last few months of your life have been the best. Despite the fact that training has been more brutal due to your nearing graduation into knighthood, every moment has felt brighter than the past several years of your life. Maybe all? You can’t remember ever waking up to a feeling like this all the time.
Yes, this feeling right here in your chest. The feeling you get when you wake up startled and in a frenzy from a dream of spending a day with Seulgi. A life with Seulgi. It’s the feeling that you get when she asks for your hand so that the two of you can make a fool of yourselves dancing. The strange way your chest seems to contract and hurt when Seulgi sneaks a smile while the commandment screams orders at you.
Since when did you feel like this? You’re not sure. Maybe it was that one night the two of you spent together weeks ago, where you finally felt confident enough to lead the dance for once. You had pulled her close with a bold move you didn’t even plan to make, making Seulgi give you a shocked look before glancing away, barely catching her soft smile. Maybe she was proud of you in that moment, you don’t know. You don’t know anything anymore besides Seulgi, besides the fact that you were hyper aware of her breath that night. Of the way her garments clung so close to skin, the rise and fall of her chest, the length of her eyelashes, the slope of her nose.
Every day you’re greeted by the sunrise, only to be anticipating its set.
Before you can spend your cherished time with Seulgi though, you had to go through the motions of your day. Time seemed to pass slowly as you sparred and trained. Nowadays though there was a lightness in your body that wasn’t there before, and your eyes had become better at reading the flowing movements of your opponents. You were ecstatic to see your improvement, likewise were the commanding officers and fellow apprentices, it seemed. Some officers urged you to continue to carry out whatever it was that you were doing to improve and to finally displace Seulgi. Meanwhile the knights-in-training were muttering among themselves about your progress and how it was done.
To say that you were happy that morning training ended would be an understatement. The second highlight of your day would be the precious half hour you spent with Seulgi during your afternoon meal. As you impatiently wait in line to be served whatever was deemed nutritious for prospecting knights, you think about how you were just a couple months ago. After spending some time with Seulgi you wanted to somehow be even closer to her, to spend time beyond the midnight dances you two shared.
When you had first decided to sit next to Seulgi instead of by your lonesome, you were uncharacteristically nervous. You were sure that if people looked carefully enough they could have noticed how your steady sword-arm shook as you held onto your tray of food. People didn’t hide their raised eyebrows at your approach, some people left the area, terrified at the thought of you possibly coming over to terrorize them.
It was a surprise when you had quietly asked if it was okay for you to seat yourself next to Seulgi. She didn’t hesitate to say yes, flashing you her crescent eyes you had unknowingly grown accustomed to. The surrounding witnesses to the sight were confused. When would you have willingly associated with anyone? Especially Seulgi, and in such a shy manner?
When you finally get your meal you walk towards the familiar table and remember your present day situation. Now that time has passed people are less wary around you and how you seemingly lack the intention to verbally abuse and berate people. In fact, when you began to take Seulgi’s advice of smiling more people seemed to… like you? It helped that you lost most of your competitive streak, instead favoring to focus on yourself and what you can do. Mostly your dancing, though, as you yearned to impress Seulgi more each and every night.
The clank of your tray against the wooden aging table alerts Seulgi of your presence. Quickly turning her head away from the person she was talking to, she opens her mouth to greet you. That was until Markus, a man who came from a noble family with notable enough skills, called out for you. You move to face the source of his voice, only to notice him uncomfortably close to your side. It was odd for him to suddenly appear when you swore you didn’t notice him on your way over.
“Hey, I was just wondering if you’d like to duel me in the afternoon? You know, since we haven’t gotten an opportunity to do so for the past couple weeks. Maybe go on a walk afterwards?” He throws you a shy, maybe even a cheeky smile. If there was one thing you knew about him it was that you’ve had much more encounters with him than you’d like recently, and that smile of his was one he’d thrown at other female trainees in the past. If anything, he was merely a passing thought.
“Sure, I don’t care.” You say in your signature neutral tone. Hoping that he’d leave you alone now, you began to turn back to Seulgi. Your movement is stopped when Markus puts his hand on your shoulder and swipes a finger across your cheek.
“You had some dirt there from practice. Just wanted to get it off.” He grins tortuously wide before excusing himself from the table. You sigh, and when you finally get to look at Seulgi she has a raised brow, her mouth forming a tight line. Not sure what to do at her sudden change of mood, you pick at your food a bit. You feel like you can’t eat anything under her intense stare.
You’re starting to feel nervous until Seulgi decides to tap on your shoulder. Glancing up from your plate you see her with a handkerchief in hand.
“I think," she pauses, "Markus made it worse, actually.” She adds before gently rubbing the dirt that became spread across your face. You scrunch your nose and eyes but a small smirk forms in affection.
“Does it really matter, though? I don’t care about how I look.”
“I think you look cuter without it. And more hygienic.”
**
After your meal came your academic and strategical studies. Your brain dulls into mush after countless hours of toiling over geography and the endless ways a person can kill someone. Although you still do well in a more scholar-like learning environment, your body greatly preferred the battlefield. You let out a sigh of happiness when you were allowed to stretch and start another round of sparring.
Keeping to your promise, you await as you lean into your training sword until Markus shows up in your vision again. He walks towards you with such unnerving confidence and a grin you think is permanently scribbled on his face.
“Are you ready, my lady?”
“Don’t patronize me.” You mumble. The two of you back away from each other to an appropriate distance before getting into your stances. Some people gather around the scene, which wasn’t uncommon for your battles. They want to make a spectacle of your fight.
When you rush forward towards Markus you get a good stab straight in his stomach. His reflexes seemed almost slow, or at least much slower than yours or Seulgi’s. He lets out a grunt, but the training armor and his natural durability keeps him on his feet. In an attempt to make you fall, he swings his sword arm directly downwards towards your back. You easily sidestep and continue a relentless sequence of parries and hard smacks against his arms and legs.
This continues on for minutes on minutes, much longer than the vast majority of your fights. Markus has proven himself to be a bad fighter, and the only reason you haven’t won yet is the fact that your sword wasn’t made to kill and the fact that Markus has stupidly good endurance. It’s hard for you to keep fighting. Not because you were lacking stamina but on account of the monotony of his moves started to bore you greatly.
Your mind wanders as you automatically parry Markus’ pathetic slashes without much thought. You recall how you have to go on a walk with Markus when he slips a slight grin, but after that you can go about your day and eventually spend the night with Seulgi. You think about how her smile looks in the moonlight, how her hair bounces as you move to a make-believe rhythm. You unconsciously put on a broad grin as you hope she teaches you something new tonight.
You’ve let your attention slip for too long though. When you get a grip on reality again, you realize that you’re now on the ground and Markus’ blade is descending on your body. Your reaction allows you to bring up your sword to his, a loud clang traveling through the air. With all your might you push back, trying to angle your sword so his would slide off and break free from contact. It seems like you may be able to fend off his weapon for a second, but he yells as he delivers all of his strength into pushing down on you.
The force is more than enough to make your sword lose contact with his. With the blade right on your throat he throws on a victorious expression and screams in happiness. The crowd around you softly murmur as they look at each other. Markus drinks in his win and he looks at everyone and then at you.
“You’ve gone soft on me, haven’t you?”
“What? What do you mean?” You try to brush the dirt off your back as you get up.
“I mean, why would you all of a sudden smile and let me win like that otherwise?” He chuckles with his words as he approaches you and places a hand on your back.
“I was just distracted.” You try to get away from him, but he gets closer and whispers in your ear.
“By me, right?” You hear a certain kind of joy and conceitedness in his voice that makes you want to vomit while simultaneously punching him.
“No. Now let's just get this walk done with so I can go shower or shoot my bow, or something.” At your words he shuffles away and uncomfortably leaves some space between the two of you as you go for a quick walk in the woods. Everybody watches as you two leave the area, and as you pass by you hear their whispers.
“…like him?”
“ …usually ruthless…why’d she let him win?”
“…was right…gone soft.”
You aren’t sure what to do about their theorizing or their mindless gossip, nor what to do with the man who was now clinging onto your side. What was usually a peaceful and quiet trail for you became loud and annoying as Markus kept trying to flirt despite your silence and lack of response to his remarks. It was hard to appreciate the beauty in the trees and forest life over the talkativeness of the man next to you. If you could, you wouldn’t have gone on a walk with him, but you felt like it was dishonorable of you to break an appointment or promise.
You think that next time you should bring Seulgi with you instead, it would be a pleasant experience then.
After what felt like a century of walking, you had finally looped around the trail and made it back to the beginning of the forest. You continue to trek forward and almost leave Markus behind, but he grips onto your waist and looks at you for a moment. The tinge of expectancy that gleamed in his eyes, and that's when you knew. You watch in a panic as he flutters his eyes and brings his lips to yours.
There’s a ringing in your ears from how hard you slap him.
“Don’t.” You say while walking away from him.
You decide that you should go to the shower to wash off his filth, then go to the archery range to practice shooting his face in your head.
**
It would be a lie to say you weren’t sore from the amount of work you forced upon your body today. As you hunker towards the barracks though, a sudden burst of energy renews the feelings in your limbs when you find Seulgi patiently awaiting you like always. The area clears out of people until it’s just you and Seulgi. She comes by your side to walk with you towards the field.
Your dance begins and you drink in the comfortable silence until Seulgi decided to speak.
“So, Markus, how do you feel about him?” There’s a sense of inquisitiveness that you haven’t heard from her before.
“Hm? He’s just a person.” She makes a face at your answer, scrunching her eyebrows as she pushes further,
“Really? You know, when I finished my practice match and walked around everybody was talking about the two of you… you know. How you’re a thing or something.”
“Just a misunderstanding.” You assert, but Seulgi seems to want to hear more.
“Do you not like him? What about anybody else? I feel like everybody is dying for your attention these days.” With the last sentence there’s a subtle shift to a sadder, even disgruntled tone in her voice. You watch as she bites her lip waiting for an answer, entranced enough to almost forget to reply. The insecurity was hard to ignore.
“I don’t really talk to anyone besides you, Seulgi, and I don’t know why people bother. Maybe they just respect my abilities and think now that I’m friendlier I’d be interested in a conversation. Also, you aren’t one to talk. You’ve had people following you around and worshipping you since day one.” Thinking about it, you can‘t ever remember a time where Seulgi didn’t have someone by her side.
Another wave of silence envelopes you as Seulgi finally nods, maybe settling with this answer. Or at least is mulling over your words. As she takes the time to think, you remember the events that happened earlier in the day and the question that had been bothering you.
“By the way, are you making me soft?”
You interrupt the dance you shared by taking a step back. You cock your head in examination. Recently it’s been hard to tell if Seulgi’s influence over you had been helpful or harmful. Especially since there were instances where you almost completely lost your focus like you did today.
“Where is this coming from?” She asks while putting on a confused smile, as if to say ‘excuse me?’.
“Well, obviously I’m more approachable now because of your advice, but now you’re getting in the way of my fighting.”
“Huh?” Seulgi is taken aback by your words and how you state them so matter-of-factly.
“Sometimes I lose focus in the middle of fights now. They accused me of becoming soft.”
“How can I possibly be at fault for that?”
“Well, it’s you that I think about. All the time.” You reach out for her hand, gently tugging it towards you and then onto your chest. “And you make my heart beat real fast. Faster than any running commandment has made us done. It kind of hurts my chest, really. Have you casted a spell on me too?”
You feel Seulgi’s hand tremble in a quake.
“Y/N, are you joking right now?”
“No, I just want to know, why do I feel like this all the time around you?” Looking at Seulgi’s face you spot how the tips of her ears turned a bright red, despite the darkness of the night. Your other hand pulls back her hair so you can examine it further. With a worried look you ask, “Oh, are you cold? Should we go back inside?” You panic a little as you see the pink had spread onto the rest of her face.
“You…” Seulgi’s breath has quickened, and she rescinds her hand from yours. You’re worried you’ve done something wrong as Seulgi refused to even look at you, instead she's staring at her feet. “You like me, stupid.” The dramatic atmosphere turns lighthearted as she laughs boisterously.
“Huh? Is that what this means?”
“Are you being serious with me?” Seulgi keeps laughing at you, much to your frustration.
“Yes! I am! I don’t understand! I’ve never felt this way before, that’s why I have to ask.” Your face lapses to a pout and that seems to encourage her to keep laughing at you.
“Hey, stop pouting!” Her laughing reduced to giggles as she walked closer to you. She brings her hands forward as they cup your face. Your knees feel weak, buckling at the warmth in her hands and the care they seemed to radiate. She finally calms down when she asks you, “Now, if you really like me then tell me," she sucks in a quick breath," would you like to kiss me right now?”
For a second you’re frozen, but soon enough you bashfully nod your head a little too hard.
Her lips reach yours and you instantly smile. The lips that you’ve stared at for hours, the ones that say the words that have moved you the most, the ones that curve adorably and ignites the dormant happiness within you. You stay that way for a moment that both felt like forever and like no time at all. Seulgi breaks away before kissing each of your cheeks.
“Oh,” she sighs while staring at you, “you’ve made me the happiest person in the world.”
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funkymbtifiction · 2 years
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Good morning, Charity! Based on your latest post, I guess it's safe to say the book is almost officially done, right? Congratulations! You must be really proud of it. I can't wait to order my own copy.
Curiously, you mentioned writing fiction is much easier in comparison, which reminded me of something I wanted to ask you. So far, I never wrote anything seriously in life, but it is my intention to soon start writing a fantasy novel after I am done with some current duties. As you are my only "tangible" writer reference, could you please tell me (and anybody else who may be interested in reading your response) the history of how your first book came to be, what were your struggles, what went wrong, what went right and also give general advice on writing fiction, especially for a starter? Perhaps things you wished you knew before doing it?
I don't know, for example, if you decide upon most of the story before writing or if you just think of it while doing it. For what it's worth, I already thought of my main characters, the villain, one additional character, the prologue, the beginning, some scenes that should happen and the ending, but I am not sure if it's enough to start or whether I should keep trying to develop it in my head first.
If it's not too much trouble, your advice would be of great use. Thank you :)
Don't get me wrong, writing a book is incredibly hard, whether you write nonfiction or fiction. But my Ne was created to write fiction, and it's way more enjoyable for me to live in a fantasy world full of characters that "appear" to me than to have to work on nonfiction and focus on tedious details, consistencies, figuring out how to structure the book for learning, etc. That is intensely STJ-land, which is hard for me to navigate for long periods of time -- and it's all I did for 7 months while working on this MBTI book. Thank God it's almost over. I get to back to Tudor England and nefarious plots in the caverns beneath a fictional London.
Every personality type writes stories / books differently, so I can't tell you what would work for you. If you feel confident knowing the beginning, end, and the characters / basic plot, that should be enough to dive in and start writing. Stories tend to build along the way and craft themselves if you are a Ne user (anywhere in the stack, as opposed to a Ni user, who prefers to plan it ALL in advance; all NJs I've talked to say characters "pop" into existence in their head, complete with back stories, professions, etc., and they think about it until the entire thing is structured and write it down; SPs report something similar, except they craft as they go more, since the entire story isn't apparent to them early on). SJs and NPs work similarly in that they improvise along the way, discover better ideas as they go, and continually re-craft / re-draft throughout revision.
My process as an ENFP is part-planning but largely improvisational. I make 80% of it up as I go along. It's an ongoing battle between Ne wanting to follow rabbit trails, invent 5 more characters, and bring in complicated subplots, and my lower Te trying to wrangle everything into a coherent, straightforward plot (thus causing me to stop on a regular basis and ask, "Is this contributing to the plot or not? is it derailing my plot? WHAT IS MY PLOT??? Who is my main character???"). Right now I'm working on my seventh and final novel in the Tudor series, so I have to wrap up everything I've set up in advance through other books. This means I have to plot more carefully than usual, since by chapter 15, these 5 events need to have taken place. By chapter 10, I have to have established most of them, going into a "climax" section of my book. Certain things MUST happen in chapter one, in chapter six, in chapter nine. I leave it a little flexible in case the writing naturally makes them happen sooner or later, but I know in a linear path what needs to happen, the chain sequence of events that must take place, just not all the details. I don't pre-plan details, that bores me in the writing process. Writing for me is an adventure; I discover new and exciting things, learn more about people's previous lives, and have fun along the way, so I only form skeleton plans and fill in the flesh and skin later. I usually write way too much, then trim way too much out of it (second draft), then go back in and add sensory details (cuz there aren't any, third draft), edit the hell out of it for sentence structure, coherence, etc (fourth draft?), and then it turns out the way I like it. This is my structured approach.
With other novels, I get an idea -- often a scene I am working toward, a twist at the end, or a big reveal, and start writing to make that scene happen. I also keep other books to a single narrator, which makes it way easier (I need four or five narrators for the Tudor books, so you are in the heart of the action scenes at all times, and not stuck on the sidelines with a character who sees no battle).
I've been writing novels since I was 12, so it's hard for me to remember the history of how the first one came to be (I just ... got an idea, opened a Word document, and started writing), but one of my first published novels was about Pontius Pilate's wife. I took an interest in him, became fascinated, did a ton of research, and was delighted to discover they know almost nothing about either one of them, so I could make 90% of it up, and went at it like gangbusters. That was fun. I'd do that again.
What were my struggles as a young writer? Too much. Before I learned to focus and structure plots, they were too long -- like, hundreds of thousands of words too long. One of the first books I wrote is 400,000 words, a true epic. They had too many characters. I have learned in the years since to combine, delete, and save good characters who add nothing for other books.
What are my struggles now? False starts. The bane of my existence. I usually find a book's stride five chapters in. That's where the characters have established themselves as important, the narrative is barreling forward, I know where I am going (my Ne supplies things to me and weaves plots without me really needing to think about the payoff to major twists) and how to get there, and there's no dead air, but it always takes me about a month of frustrated fumbling around to get to chapter five. I wind up rewriting the first four chapters about 15 times because I get into the plot, and find out -- I don't need this character, or damn, I needed that one and left them out. Rather than just bring them in now, I have to go back to the beginning and write them in, because my thinking is very linear. It can't go from A to C, I have to progress through B (the perks of being an sp/so? ;). So for about four weeks, I feel like I am making no progress, this book is never going to go anywhere, it's not working and then one day, when I find all the right characters and threads that I KNOW will pan out instead of dying on me ... it clicks and I'm off to the races.
Things I wished I'd known before doing it? Uh. How hard it is to write a GOOD book. Anyone can write a bad book. Most people can write a mediocre book. But few people can write a GOOD book. What's good is different for everyone, but for me it means a fast-moving narrative, compelling characters, and avoiding cliches. My advice to any young writer is to just get your ideas out on paper -- in a very rough first draft, and then spend months/years (depending on your type) reworking it, rethinking it, restructuring it, and rewriting it. Get feedback from actual beta readers (not your mom, she thinks you are fabulous) about what's confusing and what isn't working, and then rework it again. Study the semantics of writing -- grammar, sentence structure, etc., but do NOT worry about that until after you have a finished book in front of you. You can bog yourself down knowing too much at the start and trying to edit as you go. Editing comes later.
Just write. Train your brain to write at specific times, or through a habit that reminds your body, "Okay, now is time to focus." Some authors make themselves a cup of tea, others do stretches, others turn off all their electronic devices. I know when I sit down in my chair and turn on some classic music, it's time to focus.
Don't think it has to be perfect your first time through -- it won't be. It's gonna need cleaned up / edited no matter how good it is. And assuming you use Ne, don't be afraid to re-invent scenes to give them more interest and movement in later drafts. Sometimes a scene becomes far more interesting for a reader when a discussion takes place on an archery range or in the middle of a competition than seated at a dining table. Think creatively. Structure some scenes like you would a movie. Where are they? What are they doing? How does this story keep you 'visually' engaged?
I used to practice stuff like this by writing out a scene from a movie I loved, and forcing myself to find ways to write-visualize what I had seen on screen. What is the light doing through the window? Where is she standing and why? What actions did the actors use in-between dialogue? Look around you all the time. Notice things. You can either remember them or write them down. Charles Dickens used to keep a book of weird and interesting names that caught his attention, which later became characters in his books.
Lastly, think about two things when writing -- what story do *I* want to tell (it should entertain and excite you) and your audience. (If I name two characters starting with the same letter, is this going to confuse them since most people skim-read?? Can I really expect them to keep track of 12 characters as I flip back and forth?? ... no.)
Write at your own pace. Cut yourself some slack. And don't worry if you have to rewrite sections. It happens.
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Re: Star Wars prequel novelizations - the Revenge of the Sith book is genuinely one of the best things I have ever read and changed my life.
THANK YOU, anon, for reminding me about the Revenge of the Sith novelization.  I just reread it, and my crops are watered, my skin is clear, and — I cannot overstate this — I actually remember why I love Star Wars.  That love has been for too long stolen by The Fandom Menace sucking the life out of those movies to invent a new definition of suffering while digesting them slowly over a thousand years.
Revenge of the Sith by Matthew Stover is one of the greatest works of adventure fiction I have ever read, and it continues to inspire the way I write action sequences and character conflicts.  It does so damn much to transform a movie that is, to be honest, just okay.  There are a couple of big additions from the novel that make the whole Skywalker saga richer, and there are about five hundred little tweaks that deepen the lore in a way that shows that Stover loves Star Wars to the core.
First big addition: having Obi-Wan tell Padmé that he’s in love with Anakin. This is great because yay, queer representation!  But within the specific context of RotS, it also sets up the super-important contrast between Obi-Wan and Anakin.  Obi-Wan, Stover’s novel makes clear, is the quiet and unassuming embodiment of everything a Jedi is supposed to be: he’s selfless, loving, hard-working, and incredibly skilled with the Force.  Obi-Wan falls in love with Anakin, realizes that Anakin doesn’t love him back in that way, and... lives with it.  He spends time with Anakin, supports Anakin, enjoys Anakin’s company, and doesn’t act like the world will end if Anakin isn’t his.
Anakin loves Obi-Wan, in a siblinglike way, and he loves Padmé.  But he’s got a nasty habit of expressing that love through possession and control, through going behind Padmé’s back to “fix” her life without her permission.  Anakin falls in love with Padmé and immediately concludes that he cannot possibly live like this: they must begin a secret relationship, and he must both marry her and remain a Jedi.  Later he destroys the Jedi and eventually Padmé herself because he sees himself as having no way out of that dilemma.
And all the while, Obi-Wan is there in the background.  Also in love with someone with whom he cannot have a relationship, and just… dealing with it like an adult.  Because millions of people are in love with people who don’t love them back, and that’s just how it is sometimes.  It’s selfish to obsess over “having” their love at all costs.  For Anakin, that obsession with saving Obi-Wan and Padmé eventually leads to him killing them both.
When Yoda tells Anakin that he must deal with his fear of losing Padmé through letting go, Anakin takes this to mean “let her die.”  But what Yoda means is not “let her die,” but rather “love her the way Obi-Wan loves you: quietly, selflessly, and with a willingness to do what’s best for her, whether or not that means you get to have her.”  And Anakin never understands that, because Anakin’s view of the world is so intensely egocentric.
Second big addition: updating the Force to explain the Dark Side. Revenge of the Sith, even more so than any other Star Wars, is all about the contrast between the Dark Side and the Light Side.  Here, Stover’s contribution is brilliant; he makes the Dark Side egocentric and the Light allocentric.
Terminology! “Egocentric” in psych refers to the perspective that focuses on how the world affects you and how you affect the world.  At the extreme, egocentric thinking can be believing that a baby is crying in a deliberate effort to annoy you, or that every person in a crowded cafeteria will remember what shirt you wore when you ate there a week ago.  “Allocentric” refers to the perspective that the self is one of several disparate elements buffered around by the world.  At the extreme, allocentric thinking can be failing to realize that others are reacting to your presence, or viewing your own life as one thing you can give to help others.
Stover doesn’t use those terms, but he does describe how Dooku “drew power into his innermost being until the Force itself existed only to serve his will” (p. 64).  Later, Obi-Wan “gave himself to the living Force… the Force moved him, let him collapse as though he’d suddenly fainted, then it brought his lightsaber from his belt to his hand” (p. 285).  Dooku ultimately loses his fight against Anakin because he focuses on how everyone is responding to him, and misses that Anakin and Palpatine are beginning to build an alternate alliance right under his nose.  Obi-Wan ultimately wins his fight against Anakin because he allows the Force to shove him around, and sets aside his concern with both his own life and that of his best friend while fighting for the greater goal of peace.
Not only that, but Obi-Wan’s understanding of the Force moves beyond that of most Jedi.  He compares “the will of the Force” to “the will of gravity,” in essence stating that simply because it is beyond human comprehension doesn’t mean it doesn’t have its own rules.  One can be a Jedi without needing to understand the Force in the same way one can be a pilot without needing to be a physicist.  In RotS, we see that his refrain of “search your feelings” is a way of calling on a Force user to be mindful enough to accept realities that are already evident, if one can only allow oneself to have that knowledge.
Stover also uses these competing perspectives — allocentric and egocentric — to explain why the Jedi Order falls.  The tight control the Order exerts over the Jedi moves them away from the will of the Force and toward the will of the Council.  Its insularity creates a sense of superiority, which is the reason so many Jedi fail to see their clone troopers as threats until it’s too late. Stover tweaks the Jedi Purge scene to emphasize that the only reason Obi-Wan and Yoda survive is because of their selflessness.  Obi-Wan takes the time to befriend his alien mount, repeatedly confirming her well-being, and then she shields him with her body when his troopers open fire.  Yoda respects the Wookie command and puts himself in a position to assist rather than lead the resistance movement on Kashyyyk, meaning that when a fight breaks out between him and his troopers the Wookies don’t hesitate to side with him.  Yoda and Obi-Wan are the only two Jedi who truly give themselves to the service of others, and thus they are the only two to survive the Purge.
...and the million little favors this book does for the movie.
During the opening battle, having Obi-Wan tell Anakin to “use the Force” to fly a narrow trench and having Anakin roll his eyes at such an obvious suggestion.  It’s a callback to A New Hope, but one that drives home how much more the Force is integrated in the lives of Old Republic Jedi than it is in the lives of Imperial kids like Luke.
Fixing the minor continuity error from Episode III to Episode IV — why would Admiral Motti dismiss Vader as following outdated superstitions if there were millions of Jedi within his lifetime? — by explicitly stating that the Sith are considered a dead culture.  Ergo, Vader’s “ancient religion” isn’t the Force in general; it’s specifically the Sith creed.
Making Palpatine scarier and more seductive than he is in the movie.  Stover’s rhetoric about killing even the Jedi children is frighteningly rational and coherent, and he uses it to give Palpatine some stomach-churning speeches while corrupting Anakin.
Using the novel format for all it’s worth.  Stover skims over the physical-comedy elevator sequence in favor of having Dooku and Palpatine discussing their plans for the war.  He only tells us about Anakin’s conversation with Yoda after the fact, in scattered flashes as a panicking Anakin runs through the halls of the Jedi temple.  He gives us intense focus on Anakin’s mindset while trying to land the broken halves of Invisible Hand, less on what the ship itself is doing.  He cuts away from Anakin and Obi-Wan’s final battle, toward R2D2 and C3PO as they struggle to drag a dying Padmé into her ship out of a desperation to find some small way to help her.
Revealing that Palpatine spends the entire story trying to kill Obi-Wan.  This gets hinted at in the movie, but Stover includes several moments throughout Palpatine’s “rescue” from Dooku when Palpatine sets Obi-Wan up to die, and mentions like eight other attempts on Obi-Wan’s life as orchestrated by Palpatine.  It’s a great character addition, that Palpatine assumes he cannot get Anakin to fall unless he first eliminates Obi-Wan.
Expanding Padmé’s role in the movie (set dressing, and later refrigerator filling) by having her secretly organize and launch the Rebel Alliance right under Vader and Palpatine’s noses.
Those are just examples of how Stover clearly knows the Force, gets the Force, and strives to make the Force more internally coherent.  How he sometimes translates, sometimes preserves, and always improves the pacing and tone of the film.
I haven’t even touched on the FUCKING AMAZEBALLS imagery or introspection in the book yet, but this post is getting wicked long, so I’ll go ahead and leave it here for now.  Point is, all y’all should go out immediately and get a copy from your library and/or used bookstore, because Nonny is right and it’ll change your life.
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hello, so i’ve written my very first fan fic!! an idea came to live in my head rent free while watching this scene in a cdrama and i just had to write it. its also posted to ao3 here! shoutout to my bestie & beta @thatweirdgirljess, your enthusiasm for my hyperfixations keeps me going~~~
fandom: ancient detective, pairing: jian buzhi x zhao wohuan (m/m), lengh: 2,883
title: you’re my warm heart in a cold world
As evening grew into proper night, Zhao and Jian had retired to their room in the Yiyuan Inn. After the chaotic events of the day the quiet and comfort of each other's company was most welcome. Zhao had stripped down to his black underclothes and settled into a light practice of some of Second Master Li’s sword techniques. As he swung his sword arm, without the actual sword in hand, through the various arcs the book depicted he could feel his freshly stitched wounds on his arms and thigh sting in protest. It was easily ignored though, and Zhao found he appreciated the reminder of why he needed to keep up with his training schedule. 
Being reminded of his wounds prompted Zhao to recall how he came to sustain them, the reason why he had fought so valiantly. The person he fought to protect.
Without stopping the motions of his empty handed sword arm, Zhao looked out of the corner of his eye across the room at Jian. He was sitting on the edge of his bed, also dressed down to his own white undershirt, and seemed to be engrossed with some reading. Gently clutching the book, Jian had his head bowed over the scripture. For all appearances he seemed to be reading deeply, however Zhao also saw that he was continuously fiddling with the corner of one of the pages between his fingers and had not appeared to turn the page in some time. Recognizing the posture as one of Jian’s thinking poses, Zhao leaves him to his thoughts and returns his focus back to his practice.
Pausing his swings and glancing back down at his own book, Zhao takes note of the formation he’s practicing one more time and adjusts himself back into the first pose of the sequence.
As he practiced he continued to think about his battle earlier that day. He could still remember the fear gripping him as the assailant dressed in black relentlessly took shots at Jian. After pulling several quick moves to keep Jian mostly out of harm’s way, Zhao could put the rest of his focus on attacking the masked assailant. At the time he hadn’t actually even felt the wounds being inflicted on him. It wasn’t until after the fight was over that he even registered the cuts and their pain, too focused on thoughts of “protect Jian-ge” and trying to recall his newly acquired sword skills.
Even though he was empty handed now, Zhao felt like he could still hear the clash of metal against metal as his short broadsword met the dual swords in the hands of their attacker. It took several quick maneuvers to both block the attacks and keep Jian out of the way. Every time one of those swords came close to Jian, Zhao felt something in his chest tighten. Too close, he remembers thinking more than once.
After dealing his opponent a well aimed blow, and the attacker finally fleeing with the assistance of his female partner, Zhao’s pain was still merely a second thought as Jian came out from his hiding place. He thinks back to those few moments of pride where he felt success at fending off the villain and protecting his damsel- companion! He means his companion, and sworn brother. 
……………………………………………………………………………………………
“Zhao, when did you become so good?” Jian had exclaimed, rushing over from his hiding place behind the screen to the warrior who was still holding his final battle stance.
However, when this didn’t get any reaction out of Zhao, Jian called him again “Zhao?”
Thinking the silence was Zhao pulling his typical tricks into getting complimented on his increasing skills and finesse as a hero, Jian teases his companion. 
“Although you are great, you don’t need to pose for so long.” This finally prompts the swordsman to stand out of his pose, laughing as he replies “I’m enjoying being a hero!”
Smiling at his heroic, albeit silly, companion, Jian points out “You’re quite humble, Zhao.”
“I’m an expert, of course I have to be humble!” comes Zhao’s quick reply, striking a pose with his sword on display atop his shoulder to emphasize his point. His joy is short lived though as Jian suddenly says “Zhao, you’re bleeding!”
Disbelief fills Zhao, “An expert won’t bleed, Jian-ge!” But he looks down to the areas that Jian is pointing out across his body, and why yes there are indeed several spots where blood has seeped through his clothing. 
Zhao notes the rising panic in Jian’s voice just as his body finally registers the wounds and their pain. To cover up both the way his heart warms at the care apparent in Jian’s voice and the rising feeling of pain overcoming his body, Zhao begins laughing a little too loudly for the situation. The last thing he remembers is the feeling of Jian’s arms coming around his body as he falls forward into him and the awaiting darkness.
……………………………………………………………………………………….........
Zhao lingers in these thoughts, and the treatment he received after by the Wicked Woman, for a while longer letting the soothing atmosphere of the room and the repetitive motions of his sword practice try to settle his storming mind.
It’s some time later when Jain interrupts the quiet of the room. “Zhao, you’re still awake at this hour?”
“You’re not sleeping either” the young hero pointed out. “And besides” he continues “I want to stay with Second Master Li a while longer” holding his sword training book up towards Jian. While that was true, what he didn’t say was that he was still hesitant to go to sleep. He had a feeling that once he closed his eyes his mind would continue to replay the events of the day, but would most likely add sinister twists to the scenario. Where Zhao wasn’t strong enough, fast enough, skilled enough to protect Jian. And instead of Zhao receiving a handful of small wounds, Jian could have been… it could have been much worse.
“You haven’t recovered from your injury” Jian refutes, not looking up from his reading material. “I don’t want you to become crippled.”
Zhao pauses in the middle of his next stroke. He looks over at Jian again, takes in his tense shoulders and the ways his hands have begun gripping the book more tightly than necessary. He hears and sees the worry for what it is; despite accepting Zhao’s protection and the man as a sworn brother (and well, Zhao was still unpacking all of that and the way it made his stomach flutter to think about) Jian had trouble seeing Zhao hurt on his behalf. It wasn’t something they spoke about, but Zhao had seen the guilt in Jian’s intense eyes more than he wanted to. 
“The Wicked Woman has done her job well, Jian-ge, I am feeling well!” Zhao responds enthusiastically. “Besides,” Zhao continues as he puffs out his chest, filling his voice with bravado, “today’s victory shows that with my practicing I am becoming quite the hero!”
This elicited the reaction Zhao wanted out of his companion as Jian let out a soft huff of laughter. He continued, “The sooner I finish Second Master Li’s teaching the sooner I can be an even stronger hero!”
Letting out an obviously forced sigh, Jian replies “I advise you to learn slowly. I don’t have other sword manuals to give you. Take your time.”
Hearing Jian say this, Zhao begins swinging his sword arm more aggressively than necessary for the gentle practice he was doing. But what he heard upset him. “Take my time?” he growled. “Take my time?! For what?” He let out a few more aggressive swings. “For you to actually get hurt next time? No, thank you.” Slash, stab. “I won’t be letting that happen if I can help it,” he finishes as he lets out one last wide swipe of his arm, imagining his sword in hand, taking down his enemies. Jian-ge’s enemies, he thinks. 
Zhao didn’t realize how harshly he had let out his response until he turned and saw Jian looking at him from across the room, wide eyed, his hands having lowered the book into his lap. The two stare at each other from across the room, Zhao sword arm lowered to his side. Jian doesn’t hold the eye contact for long before turning his nose back into the pages of his book. 
Zhao continues to stare at his sworn brother. He thinks he sees a red flush rising on Jian’s neck and ears but he assumes it must be a trick of the light, the alternative too crazy to consider. Jian wouldn’t be blushing because of what Zhao had said, could he? Zhao shook his head lightly to try and clear the foggy feeling of his thoughts.
Sitting down on his own bed, he tries to focus on his training book once again but finds himself imagining what Jian would look like blushing while he could see his whole face. How his cheeks and ears would turn a cute and bright pink. How the colour might travel down his neck, to his chest, and lower still…
Abruptly Zhao brings his book up to cover the front of his face, blushing himself as he realizes where exactly his thoughts about Jian had started going. It wasn’t the first time he had thoughts like this but normally he was better at stopping himself, especially in the other man’s presence. He wasn’t trying to think of him in this way, Zhao just found himself curious about his companion and wanted to know everything about him. In order to protect him, of course. Not because Zhao was selfish and wanted to be someone Jian confided in most intimately. 
Realizing this was a particular spiral he did not feel like traveling down tonight, Zhao decided it was time to get ready for bed. He began to put his things away, stashing the book on his night table and leaning the sword against the headboard, and laid out his bedding. Jian had followed his lead and put his own book away and fluffed up his blanket.
Zhao blows out the last of the candles that light the room, leaving one lit on the centre table to allow some light to permeate the shadows should either need to get up in the middle of the night.
Both had been in bed for only a few moments before Zhao thought he could hear noises coming from Jian’s side of the room. Despite the large space, Zhao could hear a faint clicking noise. It was too dark to see Jian’s form huddled under the blanket, but Zhao imagined if he could he would see his companion’s shoulders shaking. The clicking noise was Jian’s teeth chattering as he shivered from the cold poison circulating through his body. Unfortunately, it was a sound Zhao was becoming more and more familiar with.
Shuffling quietly in bed, Zhao sits up. “Jian-ge?” he quietly asks the room, leaving room for Jian to pretend he did not hear him.
The chattering stops and after a beat he hears a faint “Mm?” coming from Jian’s bed.
“Are you cold, Jian-ge?”
“I’m fine.” 
“You don’t sound fine” Zaho refuted.
A pause. Then, “Just go to sleep, Zhao.”
“What’s wrong, Jian-ge? What can I do?” If Zhao didn’t know better, he’d say he was almost begging, the pleading in his voice clear even to him.
Jian sighs before saying, “It’s nothing, Zhao-shidi. I’m just a little chilly is all. It’ll pass. Just go to sleep. I’m sure we’ll have a busy day tomorrow.”
The resigned note in Jian’s voice has Zhao rising from his own bed and crossing the room. It has nothing to do with how soft Jian had called Zhao his shidi. Nothing at all with how that made Zhao’s stomach flutter and made the desire to protect and care for the man increase even more.
It took only a few strides before Zhao was at Jian’s bedside. “Please, Jian-ge.” Zhao said. He wasn’t even sure what he was asking for, he just wanted to be able to help. “Are you just cold?”
At first it didn’t seem like Jian would respond, but finally he rolled over slightly to look at Zhao looming over him. He nods into the semi-darkness, the candle on the table giving enough light to show his pale complexion and even paler lips. 
“Alright then. Move over.” Zhao begins lifting the outer corner of the blanket, intent on joining Jian in his bed. As a child Zhao had learned the best way to get and stay warm was to share body heat with another person. Growing up around the mountain of his hometown he had seen many wanderers injured from the colder temperatures higher up.
However, Jian didn’t budge, and instead gripped his side of the blanket tighter around himself. “What?” he all but hiccupped.
“Move over. If we share a bed I can help keep you warm. Surely Jian-ge must know that is a good way to warm up.” Zhao kept his face as neutral as possible, not revealing how nervous he actually was about sharing a bed with the older man. As much as this was his idea, and he was doing it to help Jian after all!, he couldn’t completely deny the part of him that wanted to hold the man close. He blamed it on his need to know his companion was safe.
Jian just keeps looking at Zhao, mouth opening and closing a few times as he seems to struggle to find words to reply. Eventually Jian seems to find what he wants to say, sitting up to reply, letting the blanket fall into his lap. “But it’ll be cold, Zhao, you won’t have a good night’s sleep if you sleep beside me.”
Zhao didn’t care about that, and he knew Jian knew this was a weak defence to present, but it seemed it was all the detective could come up with. Shaking his head and clenching his fists in order to keep his voice calm, Zhao decides for a moment of vulnerability, his patience for Jian’s rebuttals for help wearing thin as it gets later into the night. “Please, Jian-ge? It would help me sleep knowing you are safe.”
Jian stares up at him, eyes trailing over his face, the set of his shoulders, and finally down to his clenched fists. He pauses here for a moment before replying, “Okay”. A deep breath. Zhao pretends not to hear how Jian’s voice shakes just the littlest bit. He doesn't know if it's from his chills or something else. 
“Okay, you can join me.” He slides over in the bed to make room for the younger man.
Not wanting to waste anymore time, Zhao quickly jumps under the covers, tucking himself and Jian in under the blanket. At first they both lay on their backs, staring up at the ceiling. This way the bed is rather cramped, as it wasn’t really made to accommodate two fully grown men, let alone when one of them was as large as Zhao. 
At the first slight shiver Jian let’s out, he rolls over onto his side, his back facing Zhao. He curls in on himself slightly, clearly trying to keep warm and trying to stifle the shivers racking his body.
Without letting himself pause to think it through, Zhao rolls onto his side too and reaches an arm around Jian’s waist, pulling the smaller man into the front of Zhao’s chest. 
“Zhao! What-” Jian all but squeaks, however Zhao cuts him off. 
“I told you to let me help you. I’ll keep you warm, Jian-ge.” At this he adjusts his grip on his sleeping companion, ensuring Jian is tucked into the cage of his arms. To ensure he gets as much of my body heat as possible, Zhao reasons. Not because holding Jian in his arms made something deep within Zhao settle.
Zhao begins to worry he’s overstepped when Jian holds himself stiff inside the circle of his arms. Just when he thinks he should pull back and maybe even go back to his own bed, that he overstepped, Jian finally releases a breath and let’s his body relax into the younger man’s hold. 
It’s several moments later, and Zhao wonders if Jian has really started to drift off, when he hears a soft “Thank you, shidi” from the man in his arms.
Trying and failing to stop the smile that spreads across his face, Zhao decides to hide it by snuggling into the back of Jian’s neck, letting his nose come to rest in Jain’s hair, smelling the lightly scented soap that his companion favoured. So lost in his own dreamland, he almost, almost, misses the way Jian snuggles back into his embrace. Maybe he didn’t over step nearly as much as he thought he did.
As the two drift off to sleep, Zhao finds himself feeling a deep kind of peace. His last conscious thought before falling into darkness is that he thinks he could fall asleep every night like this. Holding his Jian-ge in his arms, allowed to protect and care for the man. He secretly hopes he’ll be able to do this again. Unbeknownst to him, Jian is having similar thoughts within the confines of his shidi’s arms.
end notes: i'm pretty sure i've gotten the relationship terms incorrect. i went with the closest terms i could think of (ge for older brother and shidi for younger sect brother) to try and highlight their new relationship after becoming sworn brothers in a previous episode. let me know what might be more correct!
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delyth88 · 3 years
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Loki episode 5 rewatch
It’s been a busy week so it wasn’t until yesterday that I had a chance to watch Episode 5 again. And I was a little worried I might not like it as much as I did on first watch, but thankfully I did still find a lot to like about this episode.
Spoilers below...
Firstly, I think it’s taken this long, but I’ve finally gotten used to this new variant of our Loki. To this overly emotive, sweetly stupid at times, often bewildered version of the character.  Let me be clear, he is absolutely not being presented in the same was at the first three films, Infinity War, or even Ragnarok. But I’m finding him easier to watch now that I have no hopes or expectations that he will be the Loki I was hoping we’d get to see again.  Sure, I’m sad they didn’t give us a continuation of the Loki we’re grown to love, but this guy seems to be starting to find his feet, and I’m curious to see what his potential is now.
I was again struck by the increased sense of purpose (no pun intended) of this episode.  It seems to be going places more so than previous episodes were. And again I loved the opening sequence and the music as we travel through the TVA and then out into the Void. It did make me wonder whether the destroyed city was actually a version of the timeline where Loki/Thanos win the Battle of New York, and that’s as far as the significance of that set goes.  My hunch is that we won’t see that long shot of Loki from the trailers in post-apocalyptic New York. They opted for the mirror of the Avengers scene instead as the way Loki finds himself in this place.
I laughed at Loki’s little rant this time too. Particularly the line “plus an alligator, that I’m heartbroken to report I didn’t even find all that strange!”.  In fact there were a few moment when I felt we were getting a little bit of Loki’s old humour. Such as, his “Delightful.” In response to kid Loki talking about cannibalistic pirates, “This is a nightmare.” and “Don’t die isn’t a plan, it’s a general demand of living”.
I do wonder though if this is just about comparison with the other Lokis?  Like they’re all so very much more on the extreme end of comical that it makes our Loki seem the straight guy in comparison? *shrug*
After several days I am still taken by Old Loki and his story.  And on watching it again I was able to appreciate the little moments leading up to his fighting Alioth. He gives the impression of being just so Over It and his crazy comics outfit also directs the audience away from how much he actually cares.  For example he is really quite upset at Lokis in general and presumably also himself after the betrayal by Boastful Loki. He says “We cannot change. We’re broken. Every version of us. Forever.”
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And he seems quite affected by Mobius’ offhand comment that “it’s never too late to change”.
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And then that look back towards Loki and Sylvie as Alioth approaches.
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Gah! This is the kind of thing I wanted for our Loki.  I don’t have the right words to describe it, but it’s partly the back story, partly the change of heart, partly the stakes, the emotional depth. I’m really quite sad that we won’t see more of him.  :( 
@scintillatingshortgirl19​ you asked me what I thought of Loki’s response when Sylvie asks, “How do I know that in the final moments you won’t betray me?”
“Listen Sylvie, I…” Loki pauses and takes a deep breath “I betrayed everyone who ever loved me.  My father, my brother, my home.  I know what I did, and I know why I did it. And that’s not who I am anymore. Okay? I won’t let you down.”
To be honest on my first watch I think I just let it slide over me as yet another one of those lines where they keep telling us what we’re supposed to think of Loki (whether it’s true or not).  I think Episode 4 might have broken me – I didn’t even blink an eyelid.  I think I’ve just heard so many people saying things that I think are absolutely wrong about Loki that I’m just… used to it now?  I dunno. Maybe it was just my mood, or the fact that there were enough other things I enjoyed in the episode that I could ignore it.
But since you pointed it out I’ve been thinking about it and after my rewatch I kinda think Loki has been a little bit influenced by recent events and conversations.  He’s just watched with embarrassment several different versions of himself strike bargains and then betray each other, in such an extreme example of this behaviour that it seemed absurdly comic. Boastful Loki even says “I betrayed you, and now I’m king.” And as they leave the Loki fight behind Old Loki says “We lie and we cheat! We cut the throats of every person who trusts us! And for what! Power!”  So I can kinda see why betrayal is on his mind.  
And perhaps this is something he’s been thinking about for a while now.  Since he tried to strike a bargain with Sylvie before he even really knew her. Old Loki ask if Loki trusts Sylvie and he says” “She’s the only one [of the Loki variants] I do trust! “
But I guess the way I interpreted it is not just literal betrayal like he just watched with the other Loki variants, but also letting people down. Letting himself down. In this context betraying his father would be the events of Thor 1 where he betrays his father’s trust by letting the frost giants into the weapons vault (I think he’s talking about Odin here, not Laufey), and then by not being able to be a good king in the eyes of his father or even his own standards while Odin was in the Odinsleep.  I don’t think he would be thinking of the moment where he lets Laufey into Odin’s chamber because he always intended to betray Laufey and save Odin. Although maybe he feels guilt for that too, in terms of lying to his father.  In regards to his brother, I’d consider any of the times Loki is acting against his brother’s interests, in a serious way such as the times that he was evading and fighting against Thor in Avengers, or when he sent the Destroyer in Thor 1 as betrayals of a sort, and the frost giants at the coronation again. And in regards to his ‘home’ I assume from his perspective this is again about the coronation and the events that led to the destruction of the Bifrost and as far as he’s aware war with Jotunhiem.  Perhaps he’s thinking of the moment when Odin says to Thor “... you are unworthy of the loved ones you have betrayed!” Potentially he’s also thinking of Ragnarok and his actions in causing it after what he read in his file in the TVA. Personally I think he knows it was necessary but still feels a ton of guilt about being the one to actually do it. In this case it’s a betrayal in action but not in heart.
So I think he’s kinda focusing on the guilt he feels. And I think this is why he feels it could extend to Frigga, although he doesn’t mention it I think we as the audience are meant to assume it.  But again, this is in terms of the guilt he feels at a future version of himself inadvertently causing Frigga’s death – as he’s heard this story second-hand from Mobius. You know how if you start feeling bad about something it’s very easy to expand that to a whole bunch of other things you’ve done?  These are the times he feels guilty for his actions in hindsight.
I also think he’s kinda lumping a bunch of things together under the umbrella of the wording of the question that Sylvie has asked.  I think if she’d used a different word he would have echoed that back to her too.
I also think he starts of with “Listen Sylvie, I..” because he was about to defend himself, refuse to acknowledge that he would do such a thing and minimise it, by saying some version of “I would never do that”.  But he catches himself and takes the opposite approach of laying all his faults out plain. Admitting in a slightly exaggerated way that he has betrayed people in the past and he knows it, which he considers is more likely to be believed, and that he won’t betray Sylvie because he’s changed since then.
So I don’t know if I really have a conclusion to draw from this, but I think Loki is exaggerating out of guilt. 
But this is also one of those lines that where the character is telling us not showing us.  Which seems to have started in Ragnarok and is being continued in this series. It’s frustrating, I don’t like it, but it seems this is what they do now.  :/
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So, it’s taken me a whole ‘nother day to get to finish writing this, and I’ve realised that this is the first episode in a while that has been on my mind since I watched it.  I’m actually invested again! Which I was very much not after Episode 4.
This episode had another piece of Loki’s story, in the form of Old Loki, and that was wonderful, and tragic.  And we’re starting to get somewhere with the plot now.  
And unlike in previous episodes where it looked like they’d left hints of things to come but that turned out not to be the case, I actually feel like we might get payoff for all those comments about Loki’s magic.  Probably not in a way I’d prefer, but at this point I’ll take any sort of change that gives Loki a bit more control over his life.
I’m also feeling again like this story matters.  With episodes 3 and 4 I wasn’t really feeling it.  I hope I’m not too disappointed. lol
I still don’t like the romance, but having resigned myself to the fact this is what they’re doing last week I was better able to watch this.  The fact that Sylvie is as utterly incompetent at personal relationships as our Loki does make it more tolerable to me, and if I take it as some weird AU (which lets be fair is exactly what this is) it is kinda cute. In a way I like that they’re both late 30s/early 40s in appearance, not teens or twenty-somethings. It adds this extra layer to their awkwardness and I think brings home how weird tit is that these thousand year old beings don’t know how to be friends if you can do the mental jumps required to believe this in the first place. I still want it to be platonic or at least not taken any further.  I will gag if they kiss in the finale. 
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