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#and i sort of mean this in a gradual sense too
jonnywaistcoat · 1 month
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Hey, Horrormaster Sims. I have a wildly different question that barely relates to TMA (Sorry about that) but its about your own process. Please, if you could, can you tell me how your first drafts made you feel? I'm on the fence about writing my own thing (not a podcast, and again, not Magnus related, though I have a million little aus for that delightful tragedy you wrote, thank you for that!) But I'm discouraged by the collective notion that first drafts are always terrible, because there's no ... examples I can solidly use to help the dumb anxiety beast in my brain that tells me everyone who is in any way popular popped out a golden turd and not, well, you know. One of my friends said 'Oh I bet Jonathan Sims's first draft was nothing like what he wanted' and I got the bright idea to just. Send you an ask, since you're trapped on this hellsite like I am. Anyway, thanks for reading this (if you do) and if you'd rather ask it privately, I am cool with that. Alternatively, you're a hella busy man with Protocol (you and Alex are making me rabid, i hope you know) and you can just ignore this! Cheers, man, and good words.
To my mind all writing advice, especially stuff that's dispensed as truisms (like "first drafts are always garbage") are only useful inasmuch as such advice prompts you to pay attention to how you write best: what helps your workflow, what inspires you, what keeps you going through the rough bits. There are as many different ways to write (and write well) as there are people who write and so always consider this sort of thing a jumping off point to try out or keep in mind as you gradually figure out your own ways of writing.
On first drafts specifically, I think the wisdom "all first drafts are bad" is a bit of unhelpful oversimplification of the fact that, deadlines notwithstanding, no piece of writing goes out until you decide its ready, so don't get too hung up on your first draft of a thing, because a lot of writers find it much easier to edit a complete work than to try and redraft as they go. It's also important to not let perfectionism or the fact your initial draft isn't coming out exactly how you want stop you from actually finishing the thing, as it's always better to have something decent and done than to have something perfect and abandoned.
But the idea of a "first draft" is also kind of a fluid one. The "first draft" you submit to someone who's commissioned you will probably be one you've already done a bunch of tweaks and edits to, as opposed to the "first draft" you pump out in a frenzy in an over-caffeinated weekend. For my part, my first drafts tend to end up a bit more polished than most, because I'm in the habit of reading my sentences out loud as I write them (a habit picked up from years of audio writing) so I'll often write and re-write a particular sentence or paragraph a few times to get the rhythm right before moving to the next one. This means my first drafts tend to take longer, but are a bit less messy. I'm also a big-time planner and pretty good at sticking to the structures I lay out so, again, tend to front load a lot of stuff so I get a better but slower first draft.
At the end of the day, though, the important thing is to get in your head about it in a good way (How do I write best? what helps me make writing I enjoy and value? What keeps me motivated?) and not in a bad way (What if it's not good enough? What if everyone hates it? What if it doesn't make sense?) so that you actually get it done.
As for how my first drafts made me feel? Terrible, every one of 'em No idea if that's reflective of their quality, though, tbh - I hate reading my own writing until I've had a chance to forget it's mine (I can only ever see the flaws). I suppose there's theoretically a none-zero chance they were pure fragments of True Art and creative perfection, but Alex's editing notes make that seem unlikely.
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kaciebello · 2 months
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 Bring a scythe to a sword fight
Masterlist
Luke Castellan x Hades! reader (implied, fem)
Percy Jackson x Hades! reader (platonic)
Summary: The reader is gradually suspicious, not believing Clarisse is the lightning thief 
Warning: Angst?, no use of y/n
authors note: Idk, I kinda blacked out writing this, sorry if it does not make sense. English is not my first language so I am sorry for any mistakes beforehand. Proofread by me and me only :(
Word count: 1.6k
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Ever since Poseidon claimed Percy and he was moved to cabin 3, the camp became lonely. He eats at his own table, gets to choose his camp activities, and calls ‘ lights out ‘ whenever he feels like it. The other campers think he's a monster magnet now. Most people avoid him, and even Clarisse stays clear of him. Only 4 people in this camp don't seem to be afraid of him. Grover, they often pick strawberries together. Annabeth, who took it upon herself to teach him ancient Greek. Luke, still gives him sword lessons, although they are now more of one-on-one sessions. And the girl Luke seems to have heart eyes for. She mostly hangs out around them when they are training. Such as now.
Luke, was not going easy on him, as always. But Percy was still on his feet, meaning he was improving. Or that is what he believed in before Luke managed to tap the back of his knee and make him fall. A frustrated groan leaves him when Luke's sword touches underneath his chin.
“Giving up?” Luke asks and moves the sword away, extending his hand to Percy. He takes it and gets up. Percy can't help but curse a little.
“Don't worry bubble boy, Castellan is just a show-off, you're doing great.” Says the girl, who was sitting on a rock this whole time, nose in some sort of book he did not recognize. Scoff leaves Luke as he puffs out his chest. Percy picks up his sword and turns his whole body to the girl.
“I'm not really sure of that.” He says, hesitant.
“Trust me, once you take one of the other campers you'll be alright, Lukes is just hardcore when it comes to it.” She says, putting her book down and getting up, stretching her body.
“ How about we give Percy a break. Why don't you fight me? a little spar?” Luke says and walks to the girl, offering a sword to her. Her face twists in disgust and pushes it away. Laugh just leaves his friend before he turns to Percy in the fastest way possible.
“ She claims I'm hardcore, but the truth is, I've never seen her with a sword in her hand,” Luke says, smirking when he hears the girl scoff. Percy's eyes widen.
“You don't fight?” He peeps out, higher than he wanted to. She just shook her head.
“I'm a healer, I don't fight. And I certainly don't play with swords” She says and flicks her hand. Luke rolls his eyes when she sticks her tongue at him.
“How do you survive capture the flag?” Percy asks, he's still not sure he understands the game. He also notices his friend now sitting down and decides to sit down on the floor as well. She, again, shakes her head.
“ I don't play, I stay in the med tent.” She says sitting down next to Luke. Although to Percy it looked like Luke dragged her to him more. He wondered if he could also do that. Just not play. Although Luke probably wouldn't let him. Percy spaces out, not noticing the older campers sitting now a little bit close to anyone's liking, giggling. He also does not notice Annabeth heading their way. But in his defense, she could have been wearing her Yankee cap, he would not know. Her voice snaps him out.
Turns out she was not there to laugh at Percy's poor fighting skills, nor was she there to spy on his progress. Luke was needed, ‘counselor duties’ she said. Completely ignored the fact the other two campers there were technically counselors of their cabins too. Luke told them both he would see them at the bonfire and followed Annabeth back to the camp. Leaving the two forbidden kids alone.
“Ya know,” she says. “I could beat him.”
“What?” Percy turns to her.
“I could beat him up in a sword fight, I just chose not to.” She says getting up, and picking up her book. Percy just gives her a confused look and she sighs.
“ You could too, with time I mean.” She extends her hand to him and helps him up. “We are children of the big three, Percy. There is a reason why they promised to stop having us. You and I, by default, can be the strongest people here. Even someone like me can beat the best swordsman in the last 300 years in his own game. You just need time.” 
Till now Percy thought he was the only one. I did not accrue to him that she may understand. Now that he thinks about it, Percy can count on one hand that he has seen her interact with other campers, not counting Luke of course.  Percy now realized he wasn't alone in this lonely life of Poseidon's son. She is, kinda, his family now too.
“ We know who’s the lighting thief.” Says Percy on the other side of the Iris message. She and Luke were just in Chiron's office discussing what to the with the other campers, as they started to take sides.
“How do you know?” “Who?” They say simutainlusly. She looks at him weirdly for a second, thinking that that's not an appropriate question. Percy and Annabeth ramble about meeting Ares, he says something about Ares knowing who the lighting thief is and protecting him.
“ His favorite daughter. Clarisse is the lighting thief.” Luke finishes Percy's thought.
“Nonsense, Clarisse would not do that.” The girl defends her. She may not like the girl very much, but her being the lightning thief is ridiculous. Luke just gives her a pointed look and promises to tell Chiron. Percy turns to say more, but the iris message ends. Luke looks at her softer than he expected.
“ I don't think we should tell Chiron anything.” He says and takes her into a hug. She wrapped her arms around him and they swayed from side to side. Nodding in agreement.
“ If we go by their deductions, it could be anyone. I mean think about it. You would not be in the clear either. Who else than Hermes's son, the god of thieves, to steal the lighting bold.” She was just saying her thoughts out loud. However, Luke's hug tightens. He narrows his eyes and she can see the anger that shows up whenever someone mentions his father. 
“ I did not mean it li th-”
 “ Or you, who better than a daughter of Hades, someone who hates both Poseidon and Zeus.” Luke cuts her off. His eyebrow rose, wanting to see her reaction. She sighs and wraps her hands around his neck. Her comment was not meant to hurt him, but she knows she went overboard and decided to stay silent. Her fingers tangled in his hair, tugging a bit. His eyes close for a minute. She went to play with the camp necklace hanging on his neck. When he opened his eyes again, the hatred was gone.
“Come on, I'm sure someone needs medical assistance.” He says and makes his way out of the office.
“The Apollo kids can do that.” She says but follows him nonetheless. A laugh escapes him. They stop at the outside porch. He turns to her with soft eyes, some would say lovesick one.
“Ya know, there is one thing I did steal,” he says. She just gives him a confused look. “ Your heart.” 
A smile spreads on his his as she groans. He turns around and walks down the little porch. She stops him when he gets to the bottom.
“Luke.” He turns to her with a hum.
“Whose side are you on?” She asks him, looking down at him from the top of the stairs. He was hesitant to answer, so she continued.
“ Percy or Zeus?” He just smiles, takes her hand, and helps her down.
“ I don't side with gods.” He says.
Before Luke could strike Percy something blocked his sword. When he looks up he sees her. Before he can react, however, a dagger is thrown his way and he dodges it. Looking that way he sees Annabeth take off her cap. This is not how it was supposed to go. 
“Annabeth…” He breathes out. They were not supposed to be here. He was supposed to recruit Percy. He was gonna recruit them later.
The girl helped Percy up but kept him behind her scythe. Standing in the way of any danger that could come his way. When Luke turns to her, she points her scythe at him.
“Come on, sweetheart…” he tries, but by the look on her face, he can tell it is not gonna do anything.
“ You need to leave,” She says, her face hard as stone. Luke could not read a single emotion from her.  He tries to take a step to her but she swings her scythe at him. He blocks it with ease. He knows she does not want to fight. He knows that the swing was a warning, to keep him away. He knew she would never fight him.
So when he swings it does not come to his surprise she only defends herself. Never playing offense. To others, it may look like they were just dancing, old partners getting together for a spar. It was when Luke felt the wind from the portal he realized she moved him away from his original position. He knew that Annabeth and Percy would tell Chiron right away. She was allowing him to escape.
She stood in front of him. Scythe in a thigh grip. Her eyes reminded him of a momma bear defending her cubs. With tears in his eyes, he turns around and leaps into the portal. In his mind, he promises to go back for all of them.
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blindmagdalena · 3 months
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Guilty Pleasures
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18+ 3.3k homelander x plus size f!reader. workplace harassment, stalking, voyeurism, masturbation, lite humiliation kink, sublander flavored. nebulously takes place post s1. part 1/3. AO3 link. part 2.
Homelander is on top of the world. He can say or do whatever the fuck he wants, and the sycophants around him will bend over backwards to make his word law, with few notable exceptions.
He never expected you to be one of them. When you put him in his place after a workplace incident, he becomes fixated on the promise of a firm hand alongside a soft body.
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It’s Thursday, which means Homelander is currently bored to tears less than ten minutes into Vought’s weekly digital marketing meeting. These monotonous discussions of percentages and trending graphics gradually begin to feel like a drill pushing slowly into each of his ears, but they’re a necessary evil if he wants to have input when it comes to his image.
He taps his fingers impatiently on the armrest of his chair. The tapping pauses, however, at the appearance of a new presenter.
You.
You’re a far cry from the dime a dozen jackass in a suit that had been presenting before you. He’s sure he hasn’t seen you before, which means you’re new. His gaze drifts from your round face to the sensible cut of your blouse, the garment buttoned nearly to your throat. Anything less would be considered lewd given the size of your breasts. He wets his lips absently, adjusting himself to sit a little straighter.
He’s completely lost track of what you’re talking about in favor of watching the way your hips sway each time you walk from one end of the board to the other, tactfully engaging each observer. You have a resonant voice, commanding attention without sounding harsh. With a rack like that, you must have to fight to have a word you say heard by anyone with even a passing interest in a good pair of tits.
Not that the cheap fabric of your bra is doing them any favors. Silk would be better. He’s always liked the shine of it. Softer, too. It wouldn’t scrape against your shirt the way he can hear that cotton blend you’re wearing is doing. 
Curious, he focuses his vision to peer through your blouse. Your undergarments are plain and sensible. Boring. Still, it elicits a distinct pang between his legs. His mouth waters slightly. Even from where he is, he can smell you, fresh and clean, slightly sweet smelling–like vanilla. Your clothes may be pedestrian but at least your perfume is nice.
Letting his gaze slide lower, he admires how the curves of your body flow into one another. He can tell just by looking at you how soft you would feel against him, under him. How good you would feel to grip and hold in place, sink into and lose himself in. Your voice has a soothing quality to it that lets him easily imagine you’re breathlessly singing his praises instead of rattling off bullet points in a presentation.
Fuck, he’s getting hard, his cock throbbing lightly against the cup of his suit. It’s the only thing that allows him to fantasize as freely as he does. The best part of it is that he’s fairly certain he can sense something warm and wet throbbing between your thick thighs.
He suspects he’s not the only one fantasizing.
The room is quiet for a second too long, and Homelander abruptly tunes back in to realize you’re staring directly at him, expectancy in your gaze. He pulls a blank, realizing he hasn’t processed anything you’ve said. “Say again?”
There’s a flicker of irritation in your eyes before you tightly school your expression back into polite professionalism. His lips slowly split into a devious smile that he consciously fine-tunes to be more neutral. How close you came to some sort of heated response was kind of… cute. It makes him want to give your proverbial pigtails another tug just to see what else he can evoke.
The thought of pulling your hair is good. The thought of you pulling his hair is better, though.
“I asked if you have any feedback for our campaign leading up to the premiere,” you say, though Homelander finds himself more interested in the flash of your tongue he gets as you run it along your teeth afterwards. Your temperature is up a notch, too. You must not be used to such direct attention from someone like him.
“Nope,” he says glibly, turning on one of his patented knock-out smiles. “Looks good to me.” At that, he pointedly looks you up and down, meeting your gaze with a quick wink. 
Judging by the slight tic at the corner of your mouth, you aren’t charmed by his response. Still, he waits in preemptive satisfaction for you to appease him by returning his smile.
You don’t.
Instead, you say nothing more than a terse “Wonderful,” the singular word barely passing for civil, let alone professional. You move on, and Homelander finds himself taken aback. You don’t meet his eye for the remainder of the presentation, and while that gives him plenty of opportunity to ogle you, it bothers him.
Towards the end of your time, he clears his throat. Everyone looks at him.
Everyone but you.
“Thanks so much for your time,” you say to the committee, smiling, finishing your piece with a small incline of your head. You go sit, and there’s a slightly awkward pause before the next presenter takes center stage.
Homelander sits in stunned silence. The idea that you, some fresh faced nobody, think you’re in any position to blow him off is laughable at best. Who cares if he didn’t pay attention to your little presentation? That’s not his job. You’re lucky he’s even here, lucky that someone like him would think to give you time out of his day.
By the time the meeting concludes, you haven’t spared him so much as a glance. Indignation builds hotly in his chest. He’s had more than enough of being snubbed lately. He’s not going to tolerate it from the likes of you.
You should be on your hands and knees begging for his attention.
He watches a handful of your peers congratulate you on your first presentation, though plenty of others cast him weary glances and decide not to approach you. They know better. They know who’s really in charge around here. Naturally, they all skitter away like roaches when he strides towards you.
“Not bad for your first presentation,” he tells you, his smile toned down into a thin, lopsided smirk.
You look around yourself, no doubt taking note of how the other little insects around you have scattered. Maybe now you’ll realize your mistake.
“Thank you, sir,” you say, your body angled slightly away from him, as if you’re ready to bolt at any second.
“Got a lot on my mind, though, so I don’t think I absorbed as much as I could have,” he says, laying on that boyish charm a little thicker than usual. “Would really appreciate it if you could stick around and run that by me one more time.”
Your gaze flickers away from him–he wishes you would stop doing that–to the others who’re filtering out of the room, slowly leaving the two of you behind. “As I said during the presentation, all the documents will be available online,” you say, finally looking back at him. You actually have the audacity to look annoyed that he’s talking to you.
“I don’t have a computer,” he replies, his own voice beginning to flatten.
“I’m sure someone in IT can help you with that,” you say, undeterred by his attempts to corner you. 
His smile tightens minutely. “Do you have some kind of problem with me?”
Your heart jumps. He finds satisfaction in that, at least.
“No, sir,” you say sharply, a barely discernible hitch in your voice. “What I have are deadlines. If you’ll excuse me, I’d like to meet them.” With that, you manage to squeeze by him. Despite the steady confident tap of your shoes against the floor, your heart races rabbit-like in his ears.
He contemplates you as you go, momentarily stupefied by your flagrant disregard for him. You weren’t entirely unaffected by his presence, though. If you’d had less of an avenue for escape, would you have been so flippant? He continues to focus on the beat of your heart as your steps carry you further from him. It doesn’t slow. You’re still full of adrenaline, the scent of it lingering alongside your perfume. He inhales a slow, deep breath, the leather of his gloves creaking as he curls and uncurls his fist.
Homelander finds himself wondering what your agenda is, what makes you so desperate to break from the norm and catch his attention. It’s clear to him that’s what you want. Why else would you be so stubborn where anyone else would yield? He scoffs to himself. 
God, it’s so obvious in hindsight.
He has no doubt that your brazen attitude would shatter if he pressed in closer, if you felt the heat of his breath on your lips. He could part your soft thighs and paint the face of God on the ceiling above you with his tongue inside you. You couldn’t dismiss him so easily then, could you?
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You’re so determined to be noticed that it’s almost pathetic. He shouldn’t reward this kind of behavior, and yet he feels strangely inclined to commend it. What you’ve done is brave in a way. Insolence and sycophants he can’t abide, but a touch of bravery? Well… That can be rewarded.
Your heart thunders in your ears as you make a beeline for your office. You can feel a terrible burn crawling up your chest and into your cheeks, the reality of what just happened finally allowed to sink in. You had spent all morning preparing yourself for presenting your work in front of not only your new peers at Vought, but in front of the world’s most prolific superhero. You were solid, you were ready.
Until you felt the gravity of his gaze on you. The weight of it made you stutter where you shouldn’t have, lose your train of thought mid-sentence. Every time you dared to look at him, he was looking at you like he was going to swallow you whole. Never have you felt more acutely aware of yourself than you did beneath his stare, feeling the way he was picking you apart as keenly as you would feel his hands undressing you.
It left you as furious as you are flustered.
That arrogant bastard!
You close the door behind you with a rough breath, closing your eyes. You can’t even sit, you have to pace your office instead, shaking your hands out as you walk. You know you weren’t imagining it. He confirmed as much for you when it took a solid eight seconds of silence for him to tear his gaze up from your chest, smiling as wickedly as any devil and caught elbow-deep in the cookie jar.
You couldn’t look him in the eye after that. It was humiliating to be reduced so thoroughly and obviously in front of your peers. Worst of all, he seemed damn pleased by it. 
Though that isn’t the only reason your heart is still racing. You’re not quite ready to address that yet. You’re fairly certain if you’d been forced to speak to him any more than you had, you would have said something that would cause you to lose your job. You just need space to breathe, to collect yourself, to–
There’s a brisk knock at your door. Great. What now?
“Just a m–” You’re stopped dead in your tracks by a familiar flash of red, white and blue as Homelander lets himself into your office, closing the door securely behind him. 
“Howdy,” he greets. He looks cartoonishly wide and brightly colored against the neutral colors of your office, even more larger than life than he’d seemed in the conference room. He has a smile that looks like it belongs in the mouth of a shark about to take a bite of you. It sets you off kilter completely–not that you’d been much on it to begin with.
You gawk a moment before managing to close your mouth. “Homelander,” you say, your voice curt in your own ears. You have no idea how to address him, still frazzled from not only the presentation, but your interaction that followed it. You should ask him what he needs. 
“What’re you doing here?” That came out ruder than you meant it to. Not that he doesn’t deserve it. Still, you’re trying to keep this job.
“Are you always this pleasant?” He asks, cocking his head slightly as he comes to a stop in front of you, his arms held behind his back beneath his swaying cape. “Or did I catch you on a bad day?”
Is he serious?
“Your conduct today was inappropriate,” you say flatly, settling your hands on your hips.
Homelander scoffs lightly. “Oh, relax. You gonna ‘#Metoo’ me over a wink? Christ, you’re done up tighter than that blouse of yours,” he says, his gaze dipping. A chill rolls up your spine as you watch his tongue roll along his teeth. He’s like an animal anticipating a meal.
Your jaw drops, cold shock settling in your gut alongside that blistering heat. Of all the things you had prepared yourself for before coming to Vought, Homelander being a misogynistic sex-pest hadn’t been on your list.
Well. Not the sex-pest part, anyways.
You point to your office door. “Get out.”
He blinks, zero comprehension in those deceptively charming baby blues. His smile turns incredulous. “I’m starting to think you don’t understand what’s happening here,” he says, his tone taking on a precarious edge. He lets out a breathy, mirthless laugh. “You know, most people in your position would be begging for my attention.”
There it is.
You suck a noise through your teeth, nodding slowly. "Oh, I understand exactly what’s happening here,” you say, shifting your weight like you’re winding up for a pitch. “I know you think you're special because you're famous, or a supe, or both. I know you think I should be grateful that you’d even look at someone like me, but you’re not special, and I’m not grateful. The reality of the matter is I can get dick whenever I want it–good dick–and I can get it without being humiliated at my job.”
The silence in the room is deafening. Homelander looks stupefied, but you decide that you’re not done.
“You're not blessing me by making entitled passes and crude remarks while I'm trying to work. You’re being a nuisance,” you say, your heart beating in your throat. “So please, would you kindly leave?” You ask, voice firm despite the friendlier nature of your phrasing.
Finally, Homelander is the one left gawking. He looks like a fish with the way his mouth keeps opening and closing, but it’s the dismissive, aborted little scoffs he makes in between that really sell his wounded bewilderment. You can see tension lurking just beneath the surface, an anger that skulks in the creak of his leather gloves.
Fear begins to creep up the back of your throat, burning like bile, but you hold steady as he seems to be deciding what he’s going to do with you. The longer the quiet stretches on, your focus entirely on the subtle spasms in his expression, the more sweat begins to prickle at the back of your neck. You refuse to fill the space, you refuse to back down.
For all his power, he’s still just a man.
Eventually, he swallows. “Okie-dokie,” he says, his tone unlike anything you expected. He sounds confused–a little dazed, even. He walks to the door, and after one hesitant look back at you, he leaves.
The door closes with a soft click that still makes you flinch, the sound of it loud in the silence of the room. You blink several times, the abruptness of his departure making the whole encounter feel like some sort of fever dream. 
What the fuck just happened?
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You’re not special.
The impact of those words struck Homelander’s ears like a loud, painful ringing that follows him as he walks out of your office. He feels off balance, each step leaning slightly to the right.
It’s a ludicrous statement. Objectively wrong. Who in the fucking world could be more special than him? He’s a literal god, and you’re no one. A faceless, nameless cog in Vought’s mechanism that hoists him to the top of it all. That’s your job. To elevate him. Worship him.
Instead you spoke to him as if he were nothing. He could have cut you down where you stood for that. He could have put your head through your office window, snapped your neck, held your skull and burned your eyes out of–
He shakes his head sharply, swaying. He all but stumbles into the bathroom, surprising one of the worker drones washing their hands. “Get out,” Homelander says gruffly.
“Uh, sir–”
“Get the fuck out!” He snaps, startling the man so badly he immediately rushes off, fumbling with the door on his way out. Homelander slams it shut and lets out a ragged breath, digging the heels of his palms into his eyes, then his temples as he paces the bathroom. His reflection taunts him from his peripheral vision.
He hasn’t been able to look himself in the eye since he snapped his Doppelganger’s neck while he knelt before him.
That’s what he wants from you, isn’t it? Mindless desperate praise and worship. Why, then, does the thought od it make his stomach churn so violently he can taste the burn of bile? He tugs compulsively at his suit collar, the press of it against his skin uncharacteristically hot and itchy.
“I can get dick whenever I want it–good dick.”
He shamefully palms himself through his suit, confusingly hard amidst a swirling turbulence of contradicting thoughts and feelings. He could be good for you, too, if you’d fucking let him. He knows he could make you crumble, take apart that carefully constructed demeanor of professionalism and make you see him for what he is. He can prove himself to you. He will prove that you’re wrong about him, and then you’ll show him the love respect he deserves.
Hurriedly, he unzips his pants. His eyelashes flutter as he shoves his hand into them, roughly grabbing hold of his cock. He braces his forearm against the bathroom door and lets his head drop forward, watching his crimson glove pump the leaking head of his dick. His mind bounces between scenarios. He imagines himself in your place, fully on display for you to ogle. He imagines you’re watching him even now, staring him down with that unaffected look of indifference, of irritation, of disgust.
He bites back a whine, gritting his teeth. He wants so badly to imagine his face buried in your soft tits while he fucks the plush space between your thighs, but he knows you won’t let him. Not right away. You’d make him earn it, wouldn’t you? You’d make him watch you please yourself before he ever got so much as a taste.
The glassiness in his eyes begins to sizzle, the moisture burning away as crimson light flares up in them. Would you laugh if you could see him now, or would you scold him for touching himself without your permission?
Homelander comes hard, tipping his head back with a loud moan as he paints the bathroom door with ribbon after ribbon of come. He barely manages not to blow a hole through the ceiling, the light of his eyes flaring and softening in time with each euphoric wave of release. He pants through it, head falling forward and thunking lightly against the door, resting there while he catches his breath.
“Fuck,” he exhales eventually, sighing. He wipes his hand on the wall and then carefully tucks himself back into his pants, his mind swirling hazily on the best high he’s had since…
Clearing his throat, he puts himself back together before leaving the bathroom. Clearly, the thing that he’s been missing is a challenge. 
Luckily for him, you’ve kindly volunteered yourself.
( chapter two )
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captainmera · 4 months
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My God I love your depiction of the Wittebane brother ❤️
Do you think there might have been a chance that your Pip wouldn't kill his brother when Calec goes to Demon Realm? He seems way more tolerable of weirdness and is actually curious about the taboo things. That it makes me wonder if other steps were taken by people around him, maybe he would make different choices and not turned into a brother-killing genocide goop man. Obviously, the blame is still his for what he did, but I can't stop wondering what if.
And him getting along with Evelyn instead of hating her right of the bat is really cute.
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Thank you! :D <333
He grew up with this theatrical bisexual of a brother. Pretty sure the reason Belos didn't give a hoot on the Boiling Isles about queer stuff is because he kinda knew, and accepted, that Caleb was kinda queer. In some cases, people can ignore or bend certain rules for people they love. Even disregard them or pretend they don't apply or exist.
(long rant about writing and narrative foils and blah blah under the cut)
Unlike Caleb, I think Philip is the sort that only picks-and-chooses whatever rules he feels will supports his personal wants/thoughts and tosses the rest.
Caleb was not hiding it as well as he thought he did. lol.
I think that, sure, there was probably a turning point for Philip.
And absolutely, people around him influenced him. He's just a kid, a vulnerable one at that, in a protestant Christian cult.
I kinda like to think of it as a corruption arc. Mostly because it seems (to me) that the whole reason Luz was meant to have a depression-arc and Philip getting all "YoUrE JuSt LiKe Me!" thing was because.. There was supposed, I think, to be similar beginnings for them.
But Luz, in season 3, got depressed and felt a lot of guilt, so her arc is going from this happy-go-lucky kid interested in different things, to a depression arc where she questions herself. While Philip has a corruption arc, where he gradually goes from a well-meaning kid interested in different things, to evil and delusional.
I am also combining Luz, King, and the Collector into Kid-Philip's themes.
King is fascinating as a pre-narrative foil for kid-Philip. I think. As King was very clingy to Luz and didn't want her to leave, he too had a delusion about his own importance (disregard that it was kinda true in the end there). King tried to dictate (in that book episode) about what his and Luz' book should be about, how it should go, and it really hurt Luz' feelings. In the end, they solved it. But as a narrative foil, I think for the Wittebanes, they probably had a similar struggle on a larger scale, and it didn't get resolved.
The Collector, too! They're desperate to be close with someone, anyone, who gets them and wants to play on their terms. Kinda like Belos wanting him and Caleb to be witch hunters. Not accounting that Caleb is his own person outside of him-- Which, if you think about it, Caleb made his whole life (in my version anyway) about taking care of Philip. So I'm sure Philip felt like he really was Caleb's entire world. And then suddenly he wasn't. Because of a witch. The Collector, despite having this incredible power (just like Pip having his brilliant brain) is still a child and using their power in selfish ways. Not intentionally, I think, just out of a fear of abandonment or isolation.
I personally am in favour of nobody-is-born-evil-but-anyone-can-become-evil kinda thing.
I would like to explore how Philip gets corrupted.
I am slowly influencing Philip in my fanfic with little things that will, eventually, boil down to not so great moments.
The thing about delusions is that the person truly believes in it. Philip believing he's a hero has to make sense and feel believable.
Belos is a jerk. Philip isn't, yet. He becomes that jerk. But I don't want to write a sociopath. I also don't like using less-favourable mental illnesses as an "easy way out" to write why Philip became Belos and a genocidal maniac.
I have strong feelings about de-stigmatizing mental illnesses in writing, without romanticizing them or leaving out the really awful and less discussed sides of it. This includes diagnoses within all the clusters of the DSM5. I will not sit here and say I only support a diagnosis like Autism or GAD, and not things like Histrionic or Borderline.
And including people with MH issues and personality disorders is important, too, as well as not trying to downplay them.
People throw around Belos with things like Narcissism and Psychopath, without actually understanding what those means or what the different types there are. For example, is he a grandiose, oblivious or a fragile narcissist?
Yes, these disorders are looked down upon. A lot of people who have them aren't very nice people. But that doesn't mean they're evil or have no heart.
Lots of children can display early signs of these, and in a rough time like the colonial 1630s of America, it is not unthinkable that those rough times bred some dysfunctional people. I'm sure Philip has his own slices of pie as far as mental health goes, just like Caleb and many other struggling people.
But, I will not write from an angle that implies Philip just has darkness from the start in him.
There's a reason why I had Caleb go on a rant about being born evil in chapter 5. Because puritans, and Christians alike, at the time - truly did believe bastards were just... Half people. Did you know that if an orphanage found out a baby was a bastard, they wouldn't let it suckle the nursery goat's udders. Because they were afraid it would soil the milk and, in turn, might give the non-bastard babies bad influence. Somehow.
With that kind of logic in your culture, it's no rocket science that people would put nonsense together and think it made sense.
I'm much more interested in how puritanism and witch hunting culture influenced and corrupted Philip into becoming who he became, and why he refuses to budge on his beliefs to the point of murder.
As the owl house, the show, has commentary on systems influencing cultures in a bad and positive way. But in particular, the one Belos tries to influence the Demon Realm with; being a not-so-great way. So! With that as a clue: what made Philip turn bad, most likely, was partially the puritanism and its extremist ways. I think TOH is also a bit of a nudge at the HAYS-code of Hollywood and how it has trickled into most all the American culture-core. As it's both trickled into schools, morality, politics and other things outside cinema.
Just pointing at him and going "He's a sociopath because he became a genocidal tyrant" is, to me, cheap. Not only does it further stigmatising mental illnesses by implying only a disorder can make someone do such evil things. But it also disregards the most horrific truth of all; that the true monsters are people not at all unlike yourself. And that they, too, were children once.
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alicerosejensen · 7 months
Text
I will never write bad about Ada, because I like her personality, but I will never see her love with Leon. I really don’t understand why many people think that they are in love, but I’m not going to judge anyone. It’s just hard for me to believe that there is anything there other than mutual sympathy and affection for each other. She used him repeatedly, but Leon knows this and he allows her to do it. Yes, she saves him and helps him, but nevertheless it is beneficial for her too. Yes, I believe that they had short (intimate) dates, but I do not believe that a person like Ada can let someone close enough to really love someone.
I’m not saying that she’s insensitive, I mean that she doesn’t need the very concept of love as such. Leon admires her, he likes her in every sense, but love?..
Of course, everyone has their own concept of love and there are different types of love. However, here I see only attachment to the woman with whom his personal trauma is connected. I always had the feeling that Leon was a kind of puppy who simply tagged along with those he helped in Raccoon City, because he believed that this was his duty.
Perhaps I’m just a supporter of healthy relationships, and therefore my brain denies their “Love”, because it constantly palms off an analysis of these very relationships and I DO NOT SEE REAL LOVE THERE!”
I'm okay with the "It's Complicated" status in their relationship, but I really believe that by giving Leon a healthy, loving partner, and not just a one-night stand, he'll gradually be able to sort out his feelings. I believe that Ada is a woman that he will not be able to forget, but rather because of the traumas and the aura of mystery that Ada surrounds herself with. I've seen similar relationships in real life and they didn't end well.
But everyone decides for themselves. I just wanted to express myself a little. On the other hand, I have an anxious attachment type and I think that someone like me could completely destroy Leon's brain 😂
But this is just a joke. (Which came up in the last text)
In fact, I love Ada (I even ordered perfume!), but for the life of me her relationship with Leon is simply toxic.
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hanniluvi · 10 months
Text
LOVING YOU FROM A DISTANCE — HEE FIC.
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“one day, i will stop falling in love with you…”
S ☆ — Heeseung has liked you for ages, too long for him to even recall how. Sure, he should be confessing now, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t, especially if you have a boyfriend. So how is he going to tell you his feelings in only a span of a year before he leaves?
2 LOVERS? — best-friend!heeseung x best-friend!fem!reader
GENRE — high school au, bsfs to lovers to ???, he fell first, she fell harder (+ sort of right person, wrong time), angst, fluff
WARNINGS — brief mentions of insecurities (abt looks, way they act, etc), some people may be shitty …
FEATURING — beomgyu from txt, sunghoon from enhypen
WORD COUNT — 18K+ (18379)
SOPH — giving angst another try 🙏 and with lyfad being the one with the most votes on that poll, this is the fic you guys chose! you let me know if you chose the correct one 😊 (sona don’t speak u dont count u lyfad HATER 🤬🤬🤬) . also i looped the playlist i linked when writing so you know the playlist really hit 😜 anyways i hope you enjoy <33 !
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ONE.
You looked at him, your gaze filled with admiration for Heeseung’s abilities. He had remained seated, skillfully plucking the guitar strings and producing a soft chord. As he glanced up, he smiled upon seeing your awestruck expression. You couldn’t help but feel a sense of pride for having such a talented best friend.
Whether it was academics, sports, or any other endeavor he pursued, he seemed to effortlessly excel in everything he did. His dedication and determination were inspiring, as he never settled for mediocrity. Being around him sparked motivation within you, urging you to push your limits and strive for greatness.
"Dang, you're good. I never knew you could play!" you exclaimed as he finished playing the guitar.
Heeseung smiled and put the guitar down beside him. "You know me; I'm always good at everything, but I don't mean to boast," he said. “You really don't know your best friend, do you?"
"Seriously, you're good at everything. It's hard to keep up with you," you joked, thinking about all the skills he possessed. "I wish I could play like you."
"It's not that difficult to learn. You're a quick learner," he reassured.
Eagerly, you suggested, "Could you teach me?"
"Sure, why not?" he agreed with a smile.
Excited about the opportunity to learn from Heeseung, you both decided to take some time for a quick guitar lesson. You sat right beside him, preparing to learn a few tips.
"Alright, let's start with the basics," Heeseung said, holding the guitar and showing you how to hold it properly. He hands you his guitar, allowing you to copy what he does.
You watched attentively, eager to learn everything you could. "Like this?" you asked, mimicking his hand position.
“Exactly, just position that slightly a bit more towards this way,” he scoots closer to you, propping the item correctly in your hand. “You’re doing great!”
"Now, let's learn how to strum the strings." He demonstrated a gentle strumming motion. "Try it yourself." He hands you the pick, watching over you as you try it out.
You nervously held the guitar and attempted to replicate his strumming. The sound was a bit off, but you kept trying.
Heeseung smiled reassuringly. "You’re doing great! Perfect for a first timer."
He patiently taught you the chords, giving you the encouragement and guidance that you needed. Even if you fumbled a bit, you gradually started improving the sounds. "Wow, that sounds much better now!" you exclaimed, surprised by your progress.
Heeseung chuckled. "See? You're a fast learner. Just keep practicing, and you'll be playing like a pro in no time."
"I just have to teach you a few more basic chords before I can teach you a song," Heeseung said, reaching over to take the guitar from your hands. However, before he could proceed, the door swung open, revealing Beomgyu. He greeted you both with a warm smile.
"You know," Beomgyu chimed in cheerfully, "if you really wanted to learn guitar, you should've asked me." He plopped down beside you, extending a hand towards Heeseung. "Hand me that guitar, Hee."
You exchanged surprised glances, amazed by the unexpected turn of events. Handing the guitar over to Beomgyu, you watched as he effortlessly adjusted his posture and strummed a few chords.
"I've been playing for a while now," Beomgyu continued, "and I'd love to share what I've learned with you."
"You know how to play guitar too?" you asked Beomgyu in surprise.
"Of course I do. Your boyfriend knows a thing or two," Beomgyu replied cheesily, earning a giggle from you. As the playful banter continued, Heeseung couldn't help but feel a twinge of discomfort, sensing himself becoming the third wheel. However, it wasn't an entirely unfamiliar situation.
Gradually distancing himself from the two of you, Heeseung settled into a corner, observing your interaction. He wore a gentle smile, occasionally chuckling at your playful mistakes and Beomgyu's teasing scolds.
In that moment, Heeseung couldn't deny the bittersweet longing within him. He wished he could be more than just your best friend; he wished for something more.
In the corner, Heeseung's heart felt conflicted as he watched your interaction with Beomgyu. Part of him wished he could be the one making you laugh and sharing those playful moments together. He couldn't help but wonder what it would be like if he were the one holding the guitar, strumming strings that would make your heart skip a beat.
He tried shaking the thoughts away, just as he easily did when he first found out you and Beomgyu were dating. But it was getting more difficult to accept it, rather than easily moving on as he should. Even if he’s happy for you, deep down, there’s still that silent hope that one day the stars will align and you will see him in a different light. But until then, he continued to cherish every moment spent with you, treasuring the friendship that was the foundation of it all.
And so, with a mixture of emotions, Heeseung chose to stay in that corner, watching over you and Beomgyu, silently wishing for your happiness, even if it meant his own heart had to endure a subtle ache in the process.
What else could he possibly do?
All he knows is that he must finally share something he's been keeping inside for a while. He knows he has to do it soon, before it becomes too late, even if the odds aren't in his favor. And he needs to know when it is the right time to do so.
TWO.
"Man, can you believe it's our final year already?" You exclaim, intertwining your arm with Beomgyu's as Heeseung quietly trails behind.
"I know, right? We've made so many unforgettable memories here," Beomgyu replies, his hair tousled by the wind.
"Definitely. This school will always hold a special place in our hearts," you say, noticing Heeseung's lack of response. "Come on, Heeseung, don't lag behind like that." You pause, grabbing his arm and pulling him closer to you. Heeseung cracks a smile, now walking beside you as you keep your hand on his arm, ensuring he doesn't get left behind.
Heeseung can't help but notice that if you continue to act this way, it becomes increasingly difficult for him to let go of his feelings for you. Instead of feeling numb or unaffected, he experiences a strange, growing sensation in his gut that intensifies with each passing day. Every little gesture or interaction from you brings a blush to his cheeks, causing his face to turn pink. As much as he wishes and wants to keep feeling these things, he can’t enjoy them for too long. All because of your relationship with Beomgyu, his other best friend.
Trios often come with their own set of complications, and deep down, Heeseung silently disagrees with the idea of it working out for you three. Being in a trio, especially when two friends are in a romantic relationship, usually leaves the third person feeling like an outsider. However, you and Beomgyu are unaware of Heeseung's hidden feelings. Heeseung was adept at concealing his true feelings.
Heeseung can vividly recall the day when Beomgyu asked you out and witnessed the joy that lit up your face upon accepting. He saw the radiant smile you directed towards Beomgyu, and in that moment, Heeseung had no choice but to smile back, despite the confusion and mixed emotions swirling within him.
He wondered why he couldn't be the one to bring that smile to your face, just like Beomgyu did effortlessly. Ever since that day, Heeseung has been pretending to be genuinely happy for you and Beomgyu, even though it weighs heavily on his conscience.
Heeseung carries a sense of guilt for pretending to be a supportive friend. Deep down, he yearns for something more, but he also grapples with the realization that his desires may never be fulfilled.
As time went on, Heeseung couldn't shake the feeling that he and Beomgyu were growing apart, and he believed that you were the cause of their distance. In his eyes, you became a huge barrier, separating him from Beomgyu. The bond they once shared seemed to weaken, overshadowed by the presence of your relationship.
Heeseung was convinced that Beomgyu knew of his crush on you. He remembers Beomgyu's comments whenever he gets caught looking at you with adoring eyes or speaking more softly when you are around. However, Heeseung had consistently denied any romantic feelings to Beomgyu, perhaps leading Beomgyu to pursue a relationship with you. Heeseung couldn't help but wonder if things would have been different if he hadn't denied his true emotions.
Heeseung wondered if it was his fault for giving up his chance. Perhaps he had been too hesitant, fearing the potential consequences of confessing his feelings to a longtime best friend. Heeseung couldn't deny that, if it were you, he would gladly accept his confession in an instant. However, he remained uncertain about your response. The fear of rejection and the possibility of jeopardizing the bond you shared kept him hesitant and apprehensive.
It was definitely his fault—at least that’s what Heeseung thought.
"Bye, Gyu!" you called out before heading off to your first period. Thankfully, Heeseung shared most of his classes with you, which he was grateful for.
"Bye, cutie!" Beomgyu playfully messed up his hair and quickly darted away before you could yell at him. It made Heeseung feel a bit uncomfortable, as he found it gross, but if he were the one saying those words to you, it would be a different story.
Heeseung knew he should try to suppress these feelings, but it was easier said than done.
"Come on, Heeseung, let's grab seats near the window." You pulled him along by the sleeve, leading him into the classroom. He couldn't help but smile at your enthusiasm, allowing you to take the lead.
How could he simply stop falling for you?
"Why don't we sit there?" Heeseung suggested, pointing to the two desks at the back of the classroom. You glanced around, noticing they were the only available seats left.
"It's a bit far," you remarked, but nonetheless, you walked over to the desks with Heeseung.
"Don't worry; if we take any notes, you can always look at mine," Heeseung reassured you with a smile.
As you settled into your seats, Heeseung pulled out his notebook and pen, ready for the class to begin.
"I hope it's an interesting class today," you said, glancing around the room.
Heeseung chuckled softly. "Well, I can’t say the same. With you by my side, any class becomes more enjoyable."
You laughed at Heeseung’s remark, giving him a glance. "You always know how to make me smile, Heeseung."
Heeseung's heart skipped a beat, but he quickly composed himself. "I'm glad to hear that. It's important to make each other happy, right?"
You nodded, a small smile playing on your lips. You playfully teased Heeseung, "Definitely. Geez, where did you learn these words from? Beomgyu?"
What a way to ruin the mood.
The mention of Beomgyu's name brought a slight pang to Heeseung's heart. It seemed like no matter the conversation, Beomgyu's name would always find its way into the mix. He couldn't help but wonder why it couldn't just be the two of you, free from the presence of his best friend. Was it wrong for him to feel a sense of dread whenever Beomgyu's name was mentioned?
"Nope," Heeseung replied with a forced smile, hoping to mask the feelings swirling within him. He didn't want to burden you with his internal struggles, especially when you seemed to be oblivious to any underlying tension.
You took his response at face value, assuming that everything was fine. Unaware of the mixed emotions he was suppressing, you continued to talk with him, leaving Heeseung to grapple with his unspoken feelings.
Heeseung knew deep down that he would forever be seen as just a friend in your eyes. Despite this painful realization, he couldn't bring himself to reveal the truth and risk losing the precious bond you both shared.
Each passing day, he endured the ache in his heart, all while putting on a facade of unwavering support and friendship. It was the least he could do for you to see you happy with Beomgyu. He didn't want to disrupt the harmony that existed between you and risk causing any rifts.
Even though it pained him with each passing day.
Is it bad to always wish for more?
THREE.
"Class is so boring," you whispered to Heeseung, unable to hide your lack of interest in the lecture. The monotony of the school routine had already set in, and it felt like another uneventful week.
"I know, right?" Heeseung replied, resting his head on his hand. He couldn't afford to let himself get too bored, knowing that you would probably ask him for notes once you snapped out of your drowsiness. He slid his notebook closer to you, diligently jotting down everything the teacher was saying.
"Thank you, Hee," you whispered, grateful for his assistance as you gazed absentmindedly out the window. You couldn't have asked for a better seatmate.
Heeseung hummed in response, stealing a glance at you and breaking into a warm smile.
Heeseung continued writing, his focus momentarily interrupted by the sensation of a cold marker tracing along his resting arm. He glanced over to find you grinning mischievously and drawing random doodles on his skin.
A soft chuckle escaped his lips as he pointed at one of the drawings. "What the hell is that?" he teased, referring to the lopsided smiley face you had sketched. You joined in his laughter, defending your artistic skills.
"Hey, don't judge my smiley faces! You were moving too much, so it ended up like that!" You playfully protested, pretending to be offended by his critique.
"Sure, sure. I could definitely do better. Give me the marker," Heeseung teased, reaching out to take the marker from you.
"No way!" you exclaimed, pulling it away from his reach. "Oh, come on! Let me show you my superior doodling skills," he pleaded, a mischievous glint in his eyes.
You playfully shook your head, resisting his attempts to snatch the marker from your grasp. "Sorry, but I don't think the world is ready for your 'superior' doodling skills," you teased, a smirk dancing on your lips.
Heeseung feigned a hurt expression, dramatically clutching his chest. "Ouch, that hurts! My artistic abilities are being underestimated here," he replied, mock offense evident in his tone.
You laughed, enjoying the playful banter between the two of you. It was moments like these that made you appreciate Heeseung's presence even more. He always knew how to bring a smile to your face, even in the midst of a dull classroom.
"Here, let me give it a try," Heeseung insisted, determined to draw something special. You relented, finally surrendering the marker to his hands. He gently took hold of your wrist, bringing your arm closer to him, and focused on creating the perfect smiley face.
As he meticulously crafted the drawing, his brows furrowed in concentration. However, despite his efforts, the smiley face seemed to take on a similar drooped appearance to the one you had drawn on him earlier. Heeseung's disappointment was evident on his face.
"Look—" he began to say, but you quickly interjected with a laugh, not letting him finish. You found it amusing that the smiley face turned out nearly identical to yours.
"See! I told you, it's the same for everyone!" you exclaimed, chuckling at the matching doodle he had created on your arm.
"It might be the marker's fault," Heeseung suggested, trying to find an explanation.
"Fault or not, at least we have these adorable matching doodles now," you replied, a warm smile gracing your lips. You moved your arm closer to his, comparing the two smiley faces side by side.
“They’re actually pretty cute,” Heeseung said with a smile, his eyes reflecting genuine warmth. He couldn’t help but find the simplicity of the smiley-face drawings charming.
"They definitely are," you agreed, admiring the simple yet endearing drawings. For a brief moment, it felt like there was nothing else in the world except the two of you, sharing a genuine connection.
“Oh right—Beomgyu’s basketball game is next week; are you coming?” You asked as the question finally popped into your head.
There was a basketball game already. Heeseung frowned, quickly regaining composure, so you didn’t notice. He didn't want you to notice the twinge of disappointment he felt deep inside. In that instant, Heeseung couldn't help but be reminded of the unspoken truth between you.
No matter how much he cared for you, Beomgyu would always hold a special place in your heart as your boyfriend. Heeseung, on the other hand, would forever remain in the background, a loyal friend with unrequited feelings.
He had grown accustomed to being the one in the background, supporting you both silently. But in moments like these, the contrast between his hidden feelings and the reality of your relationship with Beomgyu became more apparent, casting a shadow over his heart. It was a reminder that no matter how much he wished for something more, he would always be the one left behind, watching from afar.
As much as he wanted to be happy for Beomgyu and support your relationship, it was hard not to feel a tinge of sadness and longing. But Heeseung knew he had to hide those emotions to preserve the friendship that meant so much to him.
With a sigh, Heeseung forced a smile and added, "I'm sure it'll be a great game. I'll be there to cheer Beomgyu on." Deep down, however, he couldn't help but wish for a different outcome, knowing it was a distant dream.
You nodded, sensing a shift in Heeseung's demeanor, but you didn't press any further. It seemed like your words passed through him, as if he were lost in his own thoughts. The sound of the bell ringing didn't even register for him, further emphasizing his distant state of mind.
Concern crossed your face as you gently touched his arm, trying to bring him back to the present. "Heeseung, are you okay? You seem a bit off today."
He blinked, refocusing his attention on you, and mustered a small smile. "Yeah, sorry about that. I just got lost in my thoughts. I'm fine, really."
Though his words reassured you, a lingering worry remained. It was unlike Heeseung to be so absent-minded. As you both gathered your belongings and prepared to leave the classroom, you couldn't shake the feeling that something was bothering him—something he wasn't willing to share just yet.
"Let's meet at our usual spot, alright? I'm sure Gyu's already waiting," you said, getting ready to leave the classroom while Heeseung was still packing up.
Of course he'd be waiting.
"Yeah, see you guys later," Heeseung replied, attempting to sound cheerful, which elicited a faint smile from you.
Putting away his pencil case, Heeseung glanced at the oddly drawn smiley face and the random doodles you had playfully sketched on him. It brought a genuine smile to his face. However, as he let out a heavy sigh, he gathered his belongings and exited the classroom, making his way towards the usual meeting spot.
In his heart, Heeseung held onto the hope that his sincere smiles and friendly gestures would be enough to conceal his true feelings, at least for the time being. As he walked towards the rendezvous point, a bittersweet smile lingered on his lips. He knew he could still bring a small measure of happiness to your life, even if it couldn't be in the way he longed for.
Yes, he could do that, he reassured himself, even though deep down he couldn't help but wonder how long he could keep up the facade.
He shouldn’t have any trouble doing so, right?
FOUR.
It was the day. The day for Beomgyu’s basketball game, the one you’ve been worried about. Heeseung doesn’t understand why your boyfriend was a good player anyway.
“You think I should make a sign?” you asked, seeking Heeseung’s opinion.
“Depends on how big it’s going to be,” he replied, maintaining his nonchalant demeanor.
“I don’t know, maybe just like a small banner that says, ‘BEOMGYU ACE!’ It has a nice ring to it, don’t you think so?” You said, already excitedly planning how you would like to decorate it.
Hearing you use the term “Ace” for others always felt a bit weird to him. He’d listen to it very often now when you went to compliment Beomgyu. He couldn’t help but reminisce about the times you’d called him that—a little joke between you two. But it seemed like things had changed, and he had to accept it.
Although the word “Ace” seems to suit him better. You should’ve just made a sign for him instead, but he couldn’t bring himself to voice that desire. How would he do that anyway?
You didn’t know the slight wince that crossed Heeseung’s face as his back was turned towards you. He forced a small smile when he turned around, focusing on being a supportive friend.
“Yeah, I think that would be nice,” Heeseung finally said, breaking the brief silence. “I’m sure he’d love it.”
Heeseung would’ve liked it. A lot.
So there he was, listening attentively and giving you suggestions on how to decorate it. After all, it was Beomgyu’s important day, and you two had to do something to support him.
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When you two arrived, the excitement was noticeable in the air. Heeseung found himself amidst a sea of people, sitting on the bleachers with you.
“I’m already nervous,” You say to Heeseung, not being able to shake off the feeling. You weren’t playing; Beomgyu was, but you couldn’t help it.
“I’m sure Beomgyu will do great; he always has,” Heeseung reassures you, grabbing the water bottle next to him. “Here, this might help you a bit.”
You took the water, taking anxious sips. Heeseung was right; Beomgyu was, without a doubt, a fantastic player. His basketball skills were undeniably impressive, and it was one of the qualities that initially drew you closer to him.
As the game was about to begin, the atmosphere in the gymnasium became charged with excitement. The sound of enthusiastic cheers and rhythmic clapping of hands filled the air. Heeseung and you stood up, joining the crowd in cheering for Beomgyu’s team.
When Beomgyu’s team made their entrance, you couldn’t contain your excitement. The radiant energy exuded by the team was palpable, and you eagerly searched for Beomgyu among his teammates. Your face lit up when your eyes locked with his, and you couldn't help but let out a squeal of delight. "Beomgyu!" you called out, your voice filled with admiration and support. He noticed you in the crowd and grinned, waving back at you with a mixture of pride and determination.
As Beomgyu's gaze met Heeseung's, a moment of acknowledgment passed between them. Beomgyu raised his hand and waved at Heeseung, a genuine smile gracing his face. Heeseung reciprocates the gesture, waving back with equal warmth, momentarily pushing aside his internal struggles.
As the referee blew the whistle and the game began, Beomgyu's determination was apparent in his every move. You could tell that Beomgyu was motivated to perform well in the game, not just for himself but also for you. The desire to impress and make you proud shone in his eyes as he prepared to take the court. It was evident that he wanted to demonstrate his skills and prove himself as a capable athlete, all while knowing that your eyes would be on him throughout the game.
Beomgyu's basketball skills were undeniably impressive, and it was one of the qualities that initially drew you toward him. His agility, precision, and finesse on the court were captivating to watch. You admired his dedication and natural talent, which made him stand out among his peers. It was no wonder that you were attracted to him, as his basketball prowess added to his overall appeal.
Heeseung, although standing beside you, couldn't help but feel a mix of emotions. He masked his true feelings with a supportive smile, even though inside, it hurt him to witness the connection between you and Beomgyu growing stronger. He couldn't deny the talent and effort Beomgyu put into the game, but a part of him longed for your attention to shift toward him.
Every now and then, Heeseung's eyes would unconsciously drift to you. He watched as you cheered, your voice filled with genuine enthusiasm. Your laughter and smiles were contagious, spreading joy to those around you. He couldn't help but feel a mix of happiness and sadness, knowing that he wasn't the one who could evoke those reactions from you.
Seeing you smile and cheer for your boyfriend, Heeseung couldn't help but feel a pang of longing deep within his chest. What was so different between him and Beomgyu? Is it because Beomgyu was more good-looking? Did he have the features that could make anyone fall for him and not him?
His thoughts were slowly eating him alive, as if they were gnawing on his skin. He quickly pushed those thoughts aside, reminding himself to focus on supporting his friends.
As the game reached its climax, Beomgyu's team secured a victory, and the crowd erupted into cheers and applause. Heeseung clapped enthusiastically, sharing in the jubilant atmosphere. He couldn't deny the pride he felt for his friend's achievement.
After the game, filled with excitement, you and Heeseung approached Beomgyu. The elation on your faces was palpable, but unbeknownst to you, Heeseung was grappling with inner turmoil.
"You did amazing!" you exclaimed, extending your arms for a congratulatory hug from Beomgyu. He reciprocated with a wide smile, wrapping his arms around you and lifting you off the ground, twirling you in a moment of pure joy.
Your infectious laughter echoed through the air, enveloping the scene. It was as if Heeseung blended into the background, a side character of your happiness, while his own heartache intensified.
Heeseung mustered a smile, trying to suppress the gnawing emptiness he felt inside. Is it okay for him to feel this way?
“I saw your signs; they made me play even better today,” Beomgyu giggled. Heeseung smiled, glad it helped him, even if it did just a bit.
He congratulated Beomgyu once again, his words filled with genuine admiration despite the turmoil within him. Deep down, he wanted to be the one who could sweep you off your feet, revel in the joy of your laughter, and share those intimate moments with you.
"Let's eat out!" you suggested enthusiastically once Beomgyu put you down from the twirl.
"I would love to, but maybe next time? Coach told me there's going to be a team dinner, and I don't want to miss that," Beomgyu explained with a slight pout.
Weird. Heeseung found it weird. Beomgyu rarely attended team dinners, despite being the ace player. The coach would always have to persuade him to join. Nevertheless, Heeseung pushed the thought aside and chimed in, "Aw, well, next time then?"
Beomgyu nodded in agreement, causing your frown to fade as you understood his commitment. "Alright, Gyu, make sure you eat plenty, okay? I'll go home with Hee."
As you turned to leave, Heeseung caught a fleeting glimpse of an indiscernible expression on Beomgyu's face. It was a mix of emotions that left Heeseung questioning his own perception. Was he imagining things, or was there something more to Beomgyu's look?
Maybe he was too tired from that game.
FIVE.
As Beomgyu's schedule became increasingly packed with various commitments, Heeseung couldn't help but notice how you sought comfort and companionship from him. While he enjoyed being there for you, a twinge of insecurity crept into his thoughts; sometimes he wondered if he was just a backup when Beomgyu wasn't available. However, he considered you his priority, so he let go of those thoughts.
"You won't believe what Beomgyu did today!" you exclaimed, frustration evident in your voice. You plopped right next to him, making him take off his headphones.
Heeseung tilted his head, giving you his full attention. "What happened?"
"He completely forgot about our plans again," you sighed, exasperated. "We were supposed to go to the movies, but he got caught up with his friends and didn't even bother to let me know. I checked his story, and he’s having fun with them. It's like I'm not even a priority."
Heeseung frowned sympathetically. "I'm sorry to hear that. It must be really frustrating."
You nodded, grateful for his understanding. "Yeah, it is. I mean, I know he's busy, but it hurts when he constantly lets me down. Sometimes I feel like I'm just a second option."
And that’s what he feels whenever you hang out with Beomgyu. The feeling of being considered the second-best option for such a long time weighed heavily on him. He wondered if you could truly comprehend his perspective and the emotions he grappled with every day.
"I understand more than you know," he replied softly, his voice tinged with a hint of vulnerability. "Sometimes, it can be really tough feeling like you're not the first choice. But please remember, you're incredible, and anyone would be lucky to have you as their priority."
You’d definitely be lucky, but he wouldn’t be. He considered you his number one, but did you? Definitely not.
"You know, Heeseung, sometimes I just don't understand Beomgyu." You sighed, frustration evident in your voice. "He can be so oblivious to my needs and feelings. It's like he's always caught up in his own world."
Heeseung nodded sympathetically, his gaze fixed on you. "I get it. Relationships can be complicated, and it's normal to have ups and downs. But remember, communication is key. Have you talked to him about how you feel?"
You sighed again, running a hand through your hair. "I've tried, but sometimes it feels like he doesn't really listen or take my concerns seriously. It's frustrating."
Heeseung's expression softened, and he reached out to place a comforting hand on your shoulder. "I understand how important it is to feel heard and understood. If you ever need someone to talk to, you know I'm here for you, right? Your happiness matters to me."
A small smile formed on your face as you looked at Heeseung. "Thank you, Heeseung. I'm really grateful to have you as my friend. You always know how to make me feel better."
Heeseung smiled back, his eyes filled with a mix of fondness and longing. "That's what friends are for, right? I'll always be here for you, no matter what."
Just friends, nothing more.
Heeseung, wanting to alleviate your disappointment, mustered the courage to offer a solution. "Hey, if you don't want those movie tickets to go to waste, I could go with you instead. We can make it a fun outing, just the two of us." He tried his best to sound cheerful, hoping to turn the situation around and spend quality time with you, even if it meant setting aside his own feelings.
You looked at Heeseung, surprise evident in your eyes. "Really? You'd go with me?"
Heeseung nodded, a small smile tugging at his lips. "Of course. I wouldn't want those tickets to go to waste, and besides, it'll be fun. We can grab some snacks, enjoy the movie, and have a great time together."
A mixture of gratitude and excitement washed over you as you realized you wouldn't have to miss out on the movie after all. "Thank you, Heeseung. That means a lot to me. I'm really looking forward to it."
Heeseung's smile widened, but deep inside, he couldn't help but wish it was more than just a friendly outing. Nevertheless, he pushed those thoughts aside, determined to make the most of the time he would spend with you.
It was time. Heeseung stood outside the theater, waiting for you to join him. He couldn't help but feel a mix of nervousness and anticipation. It was just a movie outing with a friend, but it felt significant to him.
As you approached, Heeseung's heart skipped a beat. You looked stunning, a smile lighting up your face as you greeted him. "Hey, Heeseung! Sorry for keeping you waiting."
Heeseung shook his head, a warm smile on his lips. "No worries at all. I'm glad you made it. Shall we go in?"
You nodded eagerly, and together you entered the theater. "I'll grab our tickets, and you can take care of the snacks," you suggested, prompting a nod from Heeseung before he headed towards the snack counter. He contemplated whether to get two small bags of popcorn or opt for a large bucket. Eventually, he settled on the large one, partly for its convenience in carrying, but deep down, he couldn't help but hope for subtle moments when your hands would touch while reaching for the popcorn.
Returning to you with his arms full of snacks, Heeseung couldn't hide his satisfied grin. You looked at the amount of snacks in awe, surprised he had gotten so much. Heeseung chuckled, realizing he might have gone a little overboard with the snacks. "Yeah, I might have gotten carried away with the popcorn. But hey, we won't go hungry during the movie!"
You giggled and took a handful of gummy worms, popping one into your mouth. "I appreciate your enthusiasm for snacks. You know me too well, Heeseung."
Heeseung couldn't help but feel a surge of happiness at your words. He loved how easily you could share these simple moments together. As you settled into your seats, Heeseung couldn't help but steal glances at you. The dimmed lights added a certain glow to your features, and he found himself captivated by your presence.
As the lights dimmed and the film started, you settled into your seats, passing the snacks between you. During the movie, there were moments when your hands brushed against each other while reaching for the snacks, bringing a subtle thrill to Heeseung.
You both shared a lighthearted laugh, enjoying the anticipation of the movie ahead. Throughout the movie, Heeseung laughed at the funny scenes, sharing popcorn and exchanging comments with you. He enjoyed the easy conversation, the shared moments of laughter, and the shared snacks. It felt comfortable and familiar, yet a part of him longed for something more.
As the credits rolled and the lights came up, you turned to Heeseung with a satisfied smile. "That movie was amazing! Thanks for the snacks, Heeseung. You always know how to make things more enjoyable."
Heeseung smiled warmly at you, feeling a sense of contentment. "I'm glad you liked it. It was my pleasure, really."
Leaving the theater, you walked side by side, engaged in lively conversation about the movie. Heeseung couldn't help but think about how wonderful it would be if these outings were more than just friendly gestures. But for now, he cherished every moment spent with you, silently hoping that one day the line between friendship and something more would blur.
"My Uber is about to arrive," you announced, glancing at your phone to check for updates.
"Alright," Heeseung nodded briskly.
"I'll see you tomorrow, okay? Thank you so much for keeping me company today." You expressed your gratitude, a genuine smile lighting up your face as you waved goodbye.
Heeseung waved back, watching you as you walked away. The chilly air nipped at his cheeks, but a warmth spread through his being. It wasn't just the physical warmth he sought, but the warmth that came from being in your presence, even for a short while.
As he strolled along with his hands tucked in his pockets, he couldn't help but reflect on the day's events. The shared laughter, the moments of closeness, and the genuine connection he felt with you brought a sense of fulfillment that transcended the wintry weather. He couldn't deny the happiness that blossomed within him, fueling his hope for a future where he could be more than just a friend in your life.
With each step, Heeseung carried the flickering flame of his feelings, knowing that one day he would have to summon the courage to illuminate the truth and reveal the depths of his affection and desire. Until then, he treasured the memories made and the moments shared, cherishing the warmth that enveloped him as he embarked on his journey towards an uncertain but hopeful tomorrow.
All he could do was hope. And that hope was ignited just because of today.
SIX.
Five months into the school year, the weird nature of your relationship with Beomgyu continued. The on-again, off-again pattern left you feeling confused and hurt. Sometimes he would be present, acting as if nothing had happened, only to suddenly vanish without a warning. It was a rollercoaster of emotions that took its toll on your heart.
Throughout it all, Heeseung stood by your side, silently witnessing your pain. He despised seeing you upset, especially over someone who claimed to be your lover. He wanted to be the one who could bring you stability and happiness—the person you could rely on without fear of abandonment.
"I don't understand why he keeps doing this to you," Heeseung expressed with a mix of frustration and concern. "You deserve so much better—someone who will treat you with the love and respect you deserve."
You looked up at Heeseung, grateful for his unwavering support. "I don't know, Hee. I keep holding onto the hope that things will change and that he'll finally commit and be there for me. But it's exhausting."
Heeseung reached out, gently rubbing his hand on your back. “You know, it’s okay to reconsider your relationship with him.”
As tears welled up in your eyes and you buried your face in your knees, you confessed, "I know, Hee. Love doesn't just vanish easily. Despite everything, I still have feelings for him. You know, I still love him."
Heeseung's heart shattered, resonating with your pain, though you remained unaware of his own hidden emotions.
“Yeah…love doesn’t disappear easily, no matter the obstacle someone could face,” he replied, forcing a bitter smile, careful to conceal his own feelings that mirrored yours.
Heeseung's words caught you off guard, and you looked up at him, wiping away your tears. "What do you mean?"
Heeseung hesitated for a moment, choosing his words carefully. "I mean, sometimes we hold onto love even when it hurts us, even when we know deep down that it may not be the best thing for us. It's difficult to let go, especially when our hearts are involved."
You furrowed your brows, trying to understand his cryptic message. "Are you...talking about me and Beomgyu?"
Don’t slip up, Heeseung.
Heeseung sighed, his gaze filled with empathy. "I'm just saying that sometimes we need to prioritize our own happiness and well-being. Love should bring us joy and fulfillment, not constant pain and uncertainty."
Why was his love for you hurting him instead?
You nodded slowly, the weight of his words sinking in. "I guess you're right. It's just hard to let go of something that meant so much to me."
Whew, he escaped that easily.
Tears welled up in your eyes once again, but this time they were tears of gratitude. "Thank you, Heeseung. Thank you for being there for me and helping me see things more clearly."
Heeseung gave you a warm smile, his heartache masked by genuine concern. "Anytime, YN. I'll always be here for you, supporting you every step of the way. Just please talk to him.”
“I’ll try.” You see him offering a hug, which you gladly accept. You felt comfortable in his embrace, feeling the tension in your body disappear.
You felt better, while someone else watched you two in anger.
It was Beomgyu. Why? He doesn’t even know.
Beomgyu hurriedly approached, his hand reaching out to grab your arm.
"What the heck, Gyu?" you exclaimed, caught off guard by his sudden action.
"Let's have a conversation," he said urgently.
"Out of nowhere?" you questioned, puzzled by his timing.
"Isn't that what you've been asking for?" Beomgyu retorted, his voice tinged with frustration.
Yeah, but after five fucking months?” You scoffed, not believing the words coming out of his mouth.
“Now, I've been distant, and I apologize for that. I've been trying to figure things out, but it's not fair to you. I don't want to string you along if I'm not sure about us anymore."
A mix of frustration and sadness welled up within you. "So, what are you saying? Are you breaking up with me?"
Beomgyu sighed, his gaze falling to the ground. "I... I don't know. I’m not saying that. I need some time to think and to sort through my feelings. That’s why I keep telling you to talk to me." Frustration starts to get to him, still keeping his grip on your arm.
Heeseung, who had been standing nearby, watching the tense exchange, couldn't bear to see you in pain. He stepped forward, placing a comforting hand on your back. "Hey, it's going to be okay," he reassured softly, his voice filled with empathy.
"Hey, let's step away from this for a moment," he urged gently, trying to diffuse the situation.
Beomgyu's eyes narrowed, his anger turning towards Heeseung. "What's your problem? Stay out of this!" He snapped, his voice laced with frustration.
Heeseung stood his ground, his voice steady. "I care about her, and I can't stand by and watch her get hurt. We both want what's best for her, don't we?"
Beomgyu clenched his fists, his expression filled with defiance. "Don't act like you know what's best for her. She's my girlfriend, not yours!"
Heeseung's gaze hardened, his protective instincts kicking in. "What’s wrong with you? It's not about me or you. It's about her happiness, and right now, she's hurting. So, I'm going to make sure she's okay."
Beomgyu's face hardened, a stubborn determination replacing his previous uncertainty. He loosened his grip, gritting his teeth. "Fine, but this isn't over. We'll talk, just not now."
As Beomgyu walked away, leaving you and Heeseung behind, the weight of the situation settled heavily on you. But with Heeseung by your side, offering his unwavering support, you found a glimmer of strength amidst the pain.
With determination in his eyes, Heeseung gently tried to guide your mind away from the heated argument, leading you to a quieter and more peaceful space where he could offer you the comfort and support you needed.
“You okay?” Heeseung asked, looking at your not-okay state.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” You said, lying straight through your teeth. You were not fine; how could you be?
“It’s okay; just be honest with me,” Heeseung said, sitting beside you.
Be honest. It's ironic for him to be saying such a thing. Was he being honest with you? Definitely not, but he argues that it’s for the greater good.
“I don’t think me and Beomgyu are going to work out,” you sighed, running your hand through your hair. “I think it’s over.”
“Oh,” Heeseung says, the only word slipping out of his mouth.
Heeseung's heart ached with conflicting emotions. He questioned his own motives, wondering why he still felt compelled to pursue you despite knowing that you loved Beomgyu so deeply. The weight of seeing you sad and torn between two people crushed him, as he couldn't bear the thought of causing you any more pain.
"Why am I even doing this?" Heeseung thought to himself, doubt lingering in his mind. "What's the point of chasing someone who will soon be my best friend's ex and still has feelings for him?"
Yet, as he contemplated these questions, he couldn't ignore the fact that you were his best friend, someone he cared deeply about. The bond you shared was special, and he cherished every moment spent together. It was that connection that made him question if he should listen to his doubts or follow his heart.
Heeseung wrestled with his conflicting feelings, torn between his desire for your happiness and his own emotional well-being. The uncertainty gnawed at him, leaving him uncertain of the path he should take.
Would he rather be a supporting character or a second love interest that gets pushed away?
The answer was clear. Maybe it was time to question his doubts—his doubts about pursuing you.
Maybe.
SEVEN.
"You're telling me you two got back together again?" Heeseung asked, trying to hide his disappointed tone.
He had hoped that things would have changed, that you would have realized your worth and moved on from the tiring relationship with Beomgyu. But hearing that you had reconnected with him only deepened his disappointment.
Heeseung's heart sank as he braced himself for the answer, knowing that it would confirm his fears. Yet he couldn't help but hope for a different outcome—a chance for him to finally express his true feelings for you.
"Yeah, we worked things out," you replied, oblivious to the underlying emotions in Heeseung's voice. “He apologized and got me gifts.”
Heeseung forced a smile, though it didn't quite reach his eyes. "I'm glad to hear that," he said, his voice sounding a bit strained.
You looked at him, sensing something was off. "Hee, are you okay?"
Heeseung quickly composed himself and nodded. "Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. Just... surprised, I guess. But if you're happy, that's what matters."
You reached out and touched his arm, concern evident in your eyes. "Thanks, Hee. You're such a good best friend."
Best friend. The words echoed in Heeseung's mind, causing a wave of frustration and longing. He despised how effortlessly those two words rolled off your tongue, unaware of the impact they had on him. It felt like a constant reminder of the boundary he could never cross and the role he would forever play in your life.
Heeseung yearned for a time when he could fully embrace being your best friend without the conflicting emotions that accompanied it. He wished he could accept his title and find contentment in it, but his heart yearned for more. The desire to be more than just a friend consumed him, even as he fought against it.
Every time he heard those words, a mixture of hope and pain washed over him. He longed for a day when he could call you more than just a friend, when he could openly express his true feelings without fear of jeopardizing the precious bond you shared.
"Yeah, your best friend," Heeseung replied through gritted teeth, his tone laced with a mix of bitterness and resignation. He tried his best to mask his true feelings and make it seem like he was content with being just that. But inside, his heart ached with unspoken longing and unfulfilled desires.
He will just continue what he’s best at. So he played the part, pretending that being your best friend was enough, even when it tore him apart inside. He swallowed his own yearnings, hiding them beneath a facade of acceptance, all the while silently hoping that one day you would see him in a different light.
"You want to go to the party tonight?" You asked, attempting to shift the mood and bring a spark of excitement into the conversation.
"What party?" Heeseung inquired, his tone slightly disinterested.
"You know, Mark's party. I heard his parents left for work again," you explained, hoping to pique his interest.
Heeseung hesitated for a moment before responding, "I'll think about it."
"Come on, it's our final year! Let's loosen up a bit and have some fun," you urged, hoping to persuade him to join in on the festivities.
Heeseung looked at you with a mix of uncertainty and longing. He wanted to be there for you, to make you happy, but the idea of attending a party where he might have to witness you with someone else was a painful thought. Nevertheless, he couldn't bear to let you down.
"Alright, I'll go," he finally agreed, mustering a smile despite the conflicting emotions swirling within him. "Let's make it a memorable night."
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"Hey Heeseung, are you ready—" Sunghoon's voice interrupted Heeseung's frantic search as he opened the door. Sunghoon's eyes widened at the sight of the chaotic scene in Heeseung's room. Clothes were strewn all over the place, making it nearly impossible to find a suitable outfit.
"Heeseung, what the hell?" Sunghoon exclaimed, bewildered by the mess.
Heeseung sighed, feeling a mix of frustration and self-doubt. "I don't know, Sunghoon. I just... I want to find the right outfit, you know? Something that makes me feel good and confident."
Sunghoon shook his head, a knowing smile playing on his lips. "You're overthinking it, Heeseung. Trust me, you always look great, no matter what you wear. Just pick something and let's go have some fun."
"Who are you trying to impress?" Sunghoon chuckled, enjoying the sight of his friend's newfound determination.
You. He was trying to impress you tonight. Heeseung hesitated for a moment, the truth lingering on the tip of his tongue. But he couldn't bring himself to admit it, not even to his closest friend. "No one," he replied, trying to play it off casually.
Sunghoon raised an eyebrow, seeing through Heeseung's response. "You're a big liar," he teased. "But fine, I'll help you out. Let's find you something that will turn heads."
As they sifted through the clothes together, Sunghoon offered suggestions and shared his fashion expertise. Heeseung appreciated his friend's support and the distraction it provided from his own conflicted feelings. Deep down, he knew that impressing you shouldn't be his main priority, but he couldn't help but want to stand out in your eyes.
After a few moments of searching, he pulled out a well-fitting black button-down shirt. Its sleek design and subtle pattern added a touch of sophistication.
He paired the shirt with dark black jeans that hugged his frame just right, emphasizing his slender figure. The jeans were slightly distressed, giving off a cool and effortless vibe. Heeseung knew they were one of your favorite pairs, and he hoped you would notice.
To complete the ensemble, he opted for a pair of black shoes that added a simple touch to the overall look. They were comfortable yet stylish, striking the perfect balance between casual and put-together.
As Heeseung looked at himself in the mirror, he couldn't help but feel a surge of confidence. The outfit accentuated his best features, highlighting his charm and charisma. He knew he looked good, and he hoped it would catch your attention.
As they finally settled on an outfit, Heeseung looked at himself in the mirror, feeling a newfound sense of confidence. Sunghoon grinned, giving him a thumbs up. "Looking good, Heeseung. Now let's go and make some memories tonight."
Heeseung nodded, appreciating Sunghoon's friendship more than ever. "Thanks, Sunghoon. I don't know what I'd do without you."
Sunghoon shrugged with a playful smirk on his face. "Hey, that's what best friends are for, right?” Sunghoon and Heeseung walk out, walking side by side, getting ready to go to Mark’s house.
And as expected, Heeseung stepped into the vibrant atmosphere of the party, immediately engulfed by the pulsating beats of the music and the contagious energy of the crowd. The room was filled with colorful lights, illuminating the main room, where people were already showing off their moves.
He glanced towards the backyard, where Mark's large swimming pool became the center of attention. Laughter and splashing sounds filled the air as people cannonballed into the water or lounged on inflatable floats, enjoying the refreshing respite from the heat.
The party was in full swing, with friends mingling, sharing laughter, and creating memories. Heeseung navigated through the lively crowd, feeling a mix of excitement and curiosity. He wondered if you were already there, enjoying the festivities and embracing the carefree spirit of the night. As they continued walking, they spotted Mark, who soon noticed their presence.
"Hey, look who decided to grace us with his presence!" Mark exclaimed, pulling Heeseung into a friendly hug. "I didn't expect you to show up, man."
Sunghoon chuckled, joining in the teasing. "Yeah, I thought Heeseung was allergic to parties or something."
Heeseung shrugged, feigning nonchalance. "Well, you know how it is. It's senior year; I've got to make some memories."
Deep down, he knew he was lying. The real reason he had decided to come was you. Only your presence could have convinced him to step out of his comfort zone and immerse himself in the party atmosphere. But he wasn't ready to share that truth just yet.
Sunghoon chuckled, nudging Heeseung playfully. "Yeah, right. We all know there's a secret motive behind your sudden interest in parties."
Heeseung shrugged, trying to play it cool. "Maybe I just wanted to let loose and have some fun."
Mark grinned, oblivious to the unspoken tension. "Well, you came to the right place! Let's make some unforgettable memories tonight!"
As the music thumped in the background and the laughter of partygoers filled the air, Heeseung's gaze scanned the crowd, hoping to catch a glimpse of you. He couldn't help but wonder how the night would unfold and if fate would bring them closer or keep them apart. But for now, he pushed those thoughts aside, determined to enjoy the moment and make the most of the night ahead.
As Heeseung scanned the room, his gaze landed on you, and time seemed to stand still. You were in the midst of a joyous conversation, your laughter filling the air. In that moment, it felt like the entire party faded into the background, and there was only you, illuminated by the soft glow of the lights. He couldn't help but be captivated by your beauty, his breath catching in his chest.
Your smile reached your eyes, and the sight of it sent warmth surging through Heeseung's veins. He felt a mix of emotions stirring within him—admiration, longing, and an unspoken desire. In that instant, he couldn't deny the strong pull he felt towards you and the way your presence had the power to brighten his world.
Heeseung's heart skipped a beat as he took a step closer, drawn to you like a magnet. However, he quickly reminded himself to maintain his composure. Tonight was about having fun, not revealing the depth of his feelings. With a subtle smile, he made his way towards you, ready to just see you up close. He left Sunghoon with his group of friends, walking towards you.
"Hey Hee," you replied, your smile growing wider as you took in his appearance. Something about him seemed different tonight, and you couldn't help but notice how attractive he looked. His hair fell casually over his forehead, giving him a slightly tousled yet effortlessly stylish look. The partially unbuttoned shirt revealed a glimpse of his collarbone, adding to his overall appeal. As he settled down beside you, you couldn't help but appreciate his presence, though a voice in your head scolded you for even thinking about your best friend in such terms.
You shook off the fleeting thought, reminding yourself of your friendship. It was only natural to notice when someone you cared about looked good, right?
"You look great," Heeseung complimented, his words barely audible over the blaring music.
"Hm?" you tried to respond, straining to hear him amidst the noise.
Seeing your confusion, Heeseung leaned closer, his lips almost brushing against your ear as he whispered, "You look pretty tonight."
His words sent an unexpected shiver down your spine, and you couldn't help but feel a rush of warmth spread through your body. This wasn't the usual Heeseung you knew. There was something different about him tonight—a newfound confidence that intrigued and captivated you.
Lost for words, you simply smiled in response, appreciating the unexpected compliment. “You too,” you whispered in his ear, gaining a grin from Heeseung. He’s glad he looks great tonight; nobody else’s opinion matters now but yours.
"Where's Beomgyu?" Heeseung couldn't help but inquire, his curiosity getting the better of him as he searched the crowded party for any sign of his friend.
"He's off with his own friends. We decided to go our separate ways for the night," you replied with a hint of disappointment in your voice.
"Why?" Heeseung pressed further, genuinely wanting to understand the dynamics between you and Beomgyu.
You shrugged, a mixture of frustration and resignation evident on your face. "I don't know. He's got some friends he wants to impress, I guess."
Heeseung's heart sank a little at your response, knowing that you deserved better than being left behind for others. At that moment, an idea crossed his mind, and he mustered up the courage to offer it.
"Well, if he's not around, I can keep you company for the night," he suggested, his voice laced with a mix of sincerity and a hint of nervousness. Deep down, he hoped that you would accept his offer and give him a chance to show you a different kind of friendship—one that was unwavering and genuine.
You looked at Heeseung, surprised by his offer. A part of you wanted to decline, fearing that it could complicate your friendship. But another part of you, one that craved his unwavering presence, couldn't help but consider the idea.
A smile played on your lips as you nodded. "I'd love that, Hee. It's always a good time with you."
Heeseung's face lit up with a mixture of relief and joy. He couldn't hide the happiness that swelled within him at your acceptance. For a moment, he forgot about his own unrequited feelings, focusing instead on making sure you had a memorable night.
As the night unfolded, you and Heeseung found yourselves engaged in lively conversations, laughter, and shared moments that reinforced the deep bond between you. Heeseung went out of his way to ensure you felt valued and appreciated, his unwavering support evident in every word and action.
You couldn't help but notice how different Heeseung was tonight—more confident, more present. And you found yourself seeing him in a new light, appreciating the depth of his friendship and the genuine care he had for you.
As the party continued, you found yourself losing track of time, completely immersed in the connection you shared with Heeseung. The music blared in the background, but it seemed distant compared to the warmth and comfort you found in each other's presence.
Eventually, the night began to wind down, and the party started to thin out. You and Heeseung found a quieter corner where you could talk without shouting over the music. The atmosphere became more intimate, and the energy between you grew palpable.
You and Heeseung found a tranquil spot outside, settling down on the grass and gazing up at the starry sky. The twinkling stars illuminated the darkness, creating a serene backdrop for your conversation.
A peaceful silence enveloped the two of you, offering a respite from the blaring music that still echoed from the party house. The ambiance felt both calm and tinged with a hint of melancholy, causing Heeseung's thoughts to revolve around you. Concern for your well-being mingled with his own personal worries, making him feel an unexpected surge of boldness.
Under the night sky, as the gentle breeze swept through, Heeseung found himself captivated by the moment. The weight of his emotions and the intensity of his connection with you compelled him to embrace the vulnerability of the present.
Heeseung's gaze shifted from the stars to your face, his eyes filled with a mix of tenderness and determination. It was as if the night had emboldened him to confront the unspoken feelings that had long resided within his heart.
"I love you," Heeseung confessed, his voice carrying a mix of apprehension and sincerity.
Your eyes widened in surprise, caught off guard by his sudden declaration. Initially, you brushed it off as his casual sentimentality, assuming he was merely in one of those cheesy yet cringe-worthy moods. After all, it was dark outside, and the night had a way of making people more introspective and sentimental.
For Heeseung, it was a rare opportunity to release the weight of his emotions. It was the only moment he could unburden himself, knowing that you wouldn't suspect anything beyond a platonic exchange. It was his chance to express his true feelings without you realizing the depth of his affection.
You smiled, patting him gently on the back and reciprocating his words with a lighthearted tone. "I love you too, Heeseung."
But within Heeseung, a bittersweet sensation lingered. Why did your response feel so effortless, devoid of any romantic intentions? Why did those words, which he had longed to hear, now taste somewhat bitter?
He had always imagined that such sweet words, exchanged between two people in love, would bring joy and contentment. But instead, they evoked a sense of unease within him—a mixture of guilt and confusion.
"Are you okay, Hee?" you asked, concern evident in your voice.
"Yeah, I'm fine. Don't worry," Heeseung replied, offering a small smile to conceal the turmoil he felt inside. It was another lie slipping effortlessly from his lips, mirroring the ease with which you had spoken those words to him.
At that moment, Heeseung realized that you both shared something in common. The ability to utter those words without fully grasping their weight or the impact they carried. And perhaps, in that shared understanding, he found solace, alleviating some of the guilt that had consumed him.
EIGHT.
"It's been six months. College application responses are starting to come back, and it's making this whole month nerve-wracking," you confessed to Heeseung, your voice filled with anxiety. Once again, Beomgyu wasn't present, despite his promises. At this point, you had learned not to get your hopes up anymore.
"I'm sure your dream school will accept you. Results come out today, right?" Heeseung reassured you, trying to offer you some comfort.
"Yeah, for some schools. But I'm nervous about us not being able to get into the same school," you admitted, your worry palpable.
Heeseung shared the same fear. The thought of being separated from you, especially during such a crucial time in your lives, weighed heavily on his mind. Yet he never wanted to sever ties with you. You had made a promise to always stick together, no matter what obstacles you faced.
"Well, we're all going to pursue different professions, aren't we?" Heeseung reasoned, hoping to ease your concerns.
"I guess... God, it's almost time," you muttered, feeling the tension build as the moment of truth approached.
"Do you want to check alone?" you asked, contemplating whether you should face the results on your own.
"We can check our emails together to see if we get a response back," Heeseung suggested, offering to share the moment with you.
"That sounds good. Let's sit outside," you agreed, seeking solace in the open air.
"Heeseung, it's telling me to check my portal. Oh my god!" you exclaimed, feeling a surge of panic as you settled down.
Heeseung, who hadn't received any notification, calmly replied, "Oh, I didn't get anything yet. Just go check."
Nervously, you took a deep breath, your palms sweaty and your legs trembling. This was your dream school, and the anticipation was almost unbearable.
"Okay, I'm logging in," you announced, mustering the courage to face the outcome.
You entered your login information, your heart pounding with each key pressed. Heeseung watched you intently, sharing your anxiety even though his own fate was yet to be revealed.
As the webpage loaded, time seemed to slow down. The anticipation was palpable as you navigated to the admissions section. Your eyes scanned the screen, searching for the decisive message that would determine your future.
And there it was—a notification in bold letters, your heart skipping a beat. You clicked on it, and a mixture of relief and joy washed over you as you read the words: "Congratulations! You have been accepted to your dream school."
Tears of happiness welled up in your eyes, and you turned to Heeseung, beaming with excitement. "Heeseung, I got in! I can't believe it!"
Heeseung's face lit up with a genuine smile as he watched you get all excited.
"That's amazing! I knew you would make it. Congratulations!" He exclaimed, pulling you into a tight hug.
"I can't believe it! I got in!" you exclaimed, your eyes gleaming with joy.
“That was all you, YN! I’m so proud of you!” Heeseung beamed, a proud smile spreading across his face.
You couldn't contain your excitement, and a wide grin adorned your face. "Thank you, Heeseung! I'm so grateful for your support throughout this journey."
As the realization of your achievement settled in, you couldn't wait to share the news with your parents. Their pride and joy would only amplify the happiness you were feeling at that moment.
Curiosity filled the air as you turned to Heeseung, eager to know the outcome of his own college application. "Have you received your results yet?"
Heeseung shook his head with a hint of anticipation. "Not yet, but I'm staying hopeful. Now, let's focus on celebrating your success. How about we grab a meal together? It's my treat for your incredible achievement."
Your heart swelled with gratitude, touched by Heeseung's gesture. "That sounds wonderful, Hee! Thank you for always being there for me. I couldn't have done it without you."
As you entered your favorite restaurant, a sense of comfort washed over you. The familiar surroundings and inviting aromas instantly put you at ease. You settled into a cozy booth, ready to indulge in a well-deserved celebration.
Heeseung's words resonated with warmth as he encouraged you: "Order whatever you want, YN. Today is your day, and I want to treat you."
A smile played on your lips, appreciating his generosity and thoughtfulness. "Thank you, Heeseung. You're too kind."
Glancing at the menu, your eyes danced over the delectable options. From savory dishes to mouthwatering desserts, it was a tantalizing array of choices. You couldn't resist the temptation of your all-time favorite dish: savory pasta with creamy sauce and succulent grilled chicken.
"I think I'll go with the pasta," you declared, excitement bubbling in your voice.
Heeseung nodded, his own eyes scanning the menu. "Great choice! I'll have the same.”
While you excused yourself to use the bathroom, Heeseung's attention was drawn to the familiar chime of his phone. He retrieved it from his pocket and glanced at the screen, his heart skipping a beat when he saw the email notification. Curiosity piqued, he opened the email, his eyes scanning the contents anxiously.
As he read the message, a mix of emotions washed over him. The update from one of his chosen schools had arrived, bringing a surge of anticipation and nervousness. He couldn't help but feel a knot forming in his stomach, wondering what awaited him in that email.
With bated breath, he absorbed the words on the screen, his eyes darting across the lines. Time seemed to stand still as he processed the information, his heart pounding in his chest. As the realization sank in, Heeseung's eyes widened with a mix of astonishment and elation. He had been accepted into his dream school, the very place he had yearned to be since he was young. It was an incredible achievement, the culmination of years of hard work and dedication.
However, alongside his joy, a tinge of bittersweetness crept into his heart. The realization hit him that the school he had been accepted to was located in a different country, far away from where you would be pursuing your studies. The paths that once seemed intertwined were now diverging, leading in separate directions.
Heeseung couldn't help but feel a sense of longing and a pang of sadness at the prospect of being physically apart from you. The thought of not sharing the same campus, the same classes, and the same experiences together weighed heavily on his mind.
His mind raced with conflicting thoughts and emotions. On one hand, he was ecstatic about his acceptance and the opportunities that awaited him at his dream school. On the other hand, he grappled with the uncertainty of maintaining your close bond and the fear of growing distant due to the physical distance between you.
Is he just going to have to love you from a distance? Taking a deep breath, Heeseung reminded himself that change was a natural part of life. Sometimes, pursuing one's dreams meant making difficult choices and embracing new chapters, even if it meant temporary separation from loved ones. He knew deep down that both of you had your own unique paths to follow and that growth and new experiences awaited each of you.
As you returned to the table, his eyes met yours, and he mustered a smile, although a hint of sadness lingered behind it. He wanted to cherish every moment and every shared memory and support you in your own journey, even if it meant being physically apart.
As Heeseung observed your radiant smile, he couldn't bring himself to dampen your spirits on such a momentous day. It was your special day, and he wanted nothing more than to see you happy and free from worries. The thought of tears staining your cheeks again, especially after the pain you had endured over Beomgyu, tore at his heart.
He wrestled with his own emotions, torn between the desire to be by your side and the yearning to pursue his own dreams. It was a difficult decision to make, as his departure was never his intention. He had never wanted to leave you or add another departure to the list of loved ones who had left your side. Yet he knew deep down that he couldn't simply give up on his dream.
The opportunity that awaited him at his dream school was something he had longed for and worked tirelessly to achieve. It was a chance to grow, to learn, and to become the best version of himself. Heeseung understood that sacrificing his dream would only breed resentment and regret in the long run.
However, that didn't mean he would abandon you or sever the bond you shared. He made a silent promise to himself that, despite the physical distance, he would always be there for you, supporting you in every way possible.
Now, every time Heeseung catches a glimpse of you smiling, his heart will be torn into pieces. It was a painful reminder that he would soon no longer see you give him that smile. If Beomgyu wasn’t such a piece of trash, he would have something less to worry about.
NINE.
As Heeseung crossed off each day on his calendar with a red marker, a wave of sadness washed over him. It was a constant ache in his heart, a reminder of the remaining days he was going to be able to see you in person.
Whenever you visited and asked about his college acceptances, he would conceal his true feelings and claim that he was simply counting down the days until graduation. The lies weighed heavily on him, but he had become accustomed to masking his emotions from you.
You, on the other hand, were genuinely thrilled for him, believing that he would attend a school near yours. Even if you ended up at different schools, you were confident that your friendship would remain intact, envisioning moments where you could still crash at his place and keep in touch.
If only you knew the truth. If only you knew that a significant amount of time would pass before you would see each other again. It would be a separation so prolonged that the risk of forgetting each other lurked in the shadows. Heeseung couldn't fathom the thought of you slipping from his memory, but he wondered if the same held true for you.
Heeseung grappled with the daunting task of how and when to tell you about his upcoming departure. The weight of his secret pressed heavily upon him, and he knew he couldn't keep it hidden forever. But finding the right moment and method to reveal the truth was a challenge he wrestled with daily.
Should he plan a heart-to-heart conversation, choosing a quiet and intimate setting where he could lay bare his feelings? Or perhaps he should seize a spontaneous moment when emotions were running high and honesty seemed more accessible? Heeseung contemplated the various scenarios, each with its own set of risks and uncertainties.
He wanted to find the perfect balance between timing and your emotional state, ensuring that his revelation wouldn't overshadow any important events or milestones in your life. Heeseung wished for a moment when you could both be fully present, where he could express himself openly without the fear of disrupting the joy and happiness you deserve.
But as days turned into weeks, Heeseung's inner turmoil grew. The weight of his secret intensified, and the fear of losing you became more tangible. He knew that he couldn't delay the inevitable forever, yet the right words eluded him.
It was hard. Harder than he had expected.
But that was okay; he still had more time.
But clearly not enough.
TEN.
"I'm nervous," you chuckled, sitting under the familiar shade of the tree with Heeseung. It has become a regular spot for your daily hangouts, despite already spending so much time together every day.
Heeseung grinned, his eyes crinkling at the corners. "Why are you nervous? You've never been nervous around me before."
You shrugged, fidgeting with a blade of grass. "I guess it's just this weird mix of excitement and uncertainty. You know, once school ends, everyone is going to be going their own ways."
Heeseung leaned back against the tree trunk, observing you with a gentle gaze. “Yeah, that’s true. But you know, I've always got your back. Even if we get different professions.”
A faint smile crossed your lips as you appreciated his words of comfort. "Thank you, Heeseung. I'm really grateful to have you as my friend. I knew you would stick around."
"I don't know what I did to deserve you," you chuckled, feeling the breeze brush your hair away as you sat on the grass with Heeseung.
What did Heeseung do to deserve you? Heeseung couldn't help but smile at your words, a mix of gratitude and self-doubt swirling within him. He looked at you, the person who had been there for him through thick and thin, the one who had always believed in him and supported him unconditionally.
“I could say the same for you.” Heeseung smiled bitterly, knowing he would soon hurt you, probably more than Beomgyu did.
"Say YN, what if I suddenly left without a word?" Heeseung's voice was filled with a tinge of sadness as he contemplated the question. The weight of his thoughts hung in the air, causing a ripple of unease to pass through you.
"All of a sudden?" You turned to face him, looking into his eyes with genuine concern.
He hesitated, his gaze shifting to the ground. "Yeah. What if?"
"You wouldn't." You stared off into the sky, listening to the birds chirp, as silence enveloped you both.
His heart clenched, feeling the need to break into pieces. Of course he wouldn't, but he had to. He watched as the leaves on the tree above rustled and gently fell, their descent mirroring his swirling emotions. He let out a bitter smile, unable to hide the pain in his eyes.
"Yeah, I wouldn't," he replied, his voice filled with a mixture of resignation and longing.
Your heart skipped a beat, a sudden surge of concern and confusion washing over you. Why did his question and response affect you so deeply? You looked at him, studying his face as the wind tousled his hair, adding a touch of ethereal charm. Your eyes met, and you found yourself momentarily captivated, unable to tear your gaze away.
Heeseung let out a soft laugh, a familiar sound that never failed to warm your heart. You felt a faint blush creeping onto your cheeks, the realization of your own emotions catching you off guard. Could it be possible that you were starting to develop feelings for your best friend? The thought seemed both exhilarating and terrifying, leaving you grappling with a whirlwind of emotions.
But no, you quickly dismissed the idea. It couldn't be. You and Heeseung were best friends and nothing more. The bond you shared was precious, and you were afraid to jeopardize it with romantic complications. It was just a passing moment, a fleeting thought that you would tuck away and bury deep within your heart.
"If you had to, I wouldn't mind. It's not like I could do anything," you continued, your voice tinged with a hint of resignation. "But promise me, Heeseung, promise me that you'll tell me, even if it's just a hypothetical scenario."
Heeseung's heart ached at your words, feeling the weight of your trust and acceptance. How could he break it to you? How could he shatter the harmony of your friendship with the painful truth? He wrestled with his own emotions—a battle between love and self-sacrifice.
"Yeah, of course," he replied, his voice carrying a mixture of longing and sadness. He let out a small sigh, a silent release of the turmoil swirling within him. Heeseung's frustration gnawed at him as he reflected on his missed opportunity to tell you about his impending departure. He couldn't shake the feeling that he had let another chance slip away, leaving him questioning his own hesitation.
"Why is it so hard to tell her?" Heeseung muttered to himself, his voice filled with a mix of disappointment and self-doubt. He knew he had valid reasons for his silence, but the weight of his unspoken truth weighed heavily on his conscience.
As he replayed the scenarios in his mind, he realized that fear had played a significant role in his inability to open up to you. Fear of your reaction, fear of hurting you, and fear of losing the precious bond you shared. It was easier to keep his feelings hidden to spare both of you the pain of saying goodbye.
But now, in the wake of yet another missed opportunity, Heeseung couldn't deny the growing frustration that bubbled within him. He understood that time was slipping away, and with each passing day, the impending separation became more inevitable. The longer he remained silent, the harder it would be to find the right moment to reveal his truth.
He had to let you know.
ELEVEN.
“So you’re telling me that after breaking up with your ex, you started having feelings for your best friend?” Yoon exclaimed over the phone.
You broke up with Beomgyu a week ago, knowing things didn’t work out the way they used to. Since then, you both kept your distance, only seeing each other when you both went to see Heeseung. It was a pain in the ass to see him everywhere, pretending nothing had happened between you two.
“Ugh, don’t say it like that.” You winced, collapsing onto your bed. “As bad as it sounds, yes, I think I did. Ever since that party at Mark’s house.”
“No wonder why Mark’s parties are known to start love,” Yoon said bluntly, not judging you in the slightest. “People have always said that.”
"Please, just stop," you groaned, fully aware of the precarious position you found yourself in. It was undoubtedly a complicated situation.
Despite the awkwardness and confusion, you couldn't deny the undeniable chemistry and connection you shared with Heeseung. It felt like the lines between friendship and something more had blurred, and you were left grappling with newfound emotions and conflicting thoughts.
Yoon's voice softened, understanding the complexity of the situation. "I know it's messy, but sometimes love works in mysterious ways. You can't control who you develop feelings for. Just be honest with yourself and with Heeseung. It may lead to something beautiful."
You sighed, grateful for Yoon's support and advice. “Thanks Yoon, but I don’t want it to be seen like I only said I liked him because I just want to get over him.”
“What if he likes you, though?” Yoon was clearly invested in your love life.
“No way—him liking me? Impossible.” You denied. There was no way he liked you for all these years.
“I have seen the heart eyes he gives you. If you weren’t so smitten with your boyfriend, maybe you would’ve seen that.” Yoon chuckled, amused at how obvious you could be.
"I mean, if he likes you and you like him, shouldn't that be easy?" Yoon remarked, her voice laced with a touch of exasperation.
You let out a playful eye roll in response, fully aware of the complexities surrounding your situation. "Come on, Yoon, my ex was our best friend. It's not that simple."
Yoon pondered for a moment before offering her perspective. "Well, maybe you should just tell him. That way, if you ever do start showing interest, he won't feel like he's intruding or being a homewrecker."
A wave of disbelief washed over you. "Yoon, I'm not planning to hit on him! Besides, I'm pretty sure Heeseung already knows about the breakup. We've been avoiding each other lately."
Yoon raised an eyebrow, clearly unconvinced. "And how sure are you about that?"
You paused, contemplating her question. "I'd say about 80 percent sure."
Yoon shook her head with a mischievous smile. "Not good enough, my friend. You need to be 100 percent certain."
An exasperated sigh escaped your lips as you playfully scolded her. "Oh, come on, Yoon. Can't you just trust me on this?"
Yoon grinned, refusing to back down. "Trust you? I trust you with a lot of things, but matters of the heart? Not so much."
You couldn't help but chuckle, appreciating Yoon's concern and her unwavering honesty. "Well, thanks for your vote of confidence, Yoon. But for now, let's just focus on our friendship drama, okay?"
Yoon nodded, a glint of mischief still evident in her eyes. "Fine, fine. But mark my words, you better figure out the Heeseung situation soon. Otherwise, I might just have to take matters into my own hands."
You playfully scolded Yoon over the phone, both of you laughing. Deep down, you knew Yoon had a point. The tangled web of emotions and unspoken desires between you and Heeseung couldn't be ignored forever. Just not right now.
It just might take a while for you to actually confess.
TWELVE.
Walking home together, you soon arrived at Heeseung's house. "Alright then, bye Hee! I can't stay over today; sorry about that."
Heeseung chuckled, finding your reaction amusing. "Don't worry about it. There's always a next time, right?"
Always a next time.
"Yeah, always," you replied with a smile, turning around to walk back home. As you made your way, your heart pounded in your chest, its rhythm matching the uncertainty and anticipation that filled your mind.
It was the seventh month of school, and the days seemed to be slipping away faster than either of you could have imagined. You were anxious about starting high school and stepping into a new chapter of your life, while Heeseung was burdened by the weight of when and how he should reveal his upcoming leave.
Heeseung fumbled with his keys, hastily unlocking the door to his house. As he stepped inside, he spotted Sunghoon lounging on the couch, munching on a bag of chips while engrossed in a TV show. “Hey, the least you could do is give me a heads-up when you crash at my place,” Heeseung quipped, his tone half-joking.
Sunghoon shrugged, his mouth full of chips. “Well, you always let YN pop up here almost every day. It seems like plain favoritism to me.”
Rolling his eyes, Heeseung tossed his bag next to the couch and made his way to the sink to wash his hands. “Just drop it, will you?”
Sunghoon continued munching, unfazed. “She’s not here today? I thought she was going to help you pack up. She always helps you out with that kind of stuff.”
Heeseung sighed, running the water over his hands. “No, she’s busy today. And well, I was packing, but I still have about two months left.”
Sunghoon chuckled with a mischievous glint in his eyes. “Yeah, wait until graduation sneaks up on you and leaves you scrambling to get everything done in time. It’ll be quite the sight to see.”
Heeseung shot his friend a playful glare, water droplets falling from his hands onto the sink. "Thanks for the vote of confidence, Sunghoon. Really uplifting."
Sunghoon laughed, reaching for another handful of chips. "Hey, it's all part of the experience, my friend. But don't worry; I'm sure you'll manage. Be glad we are both going to the same college.”
Heeseung couldn't help but crack a smile, the banter with Sunghoon easing his worries, if only for a moment. "Yeah, yeah, I know.”
Heeseung settled down next to Sunghoon, helping himself to a handful of chips. "You know, I'm still worried," he admitted, his voice tinged with concern.
Sunghoon raised an eyebrow, his curiosity piqued. "Why? What's bothering you now?"
Heeseung sighed, his gaze fixed on the television screen. "I still haven't told YN."
Sunghoon's eyes widened in surprise. "What? You still haven't told her? Why not?"
Heeseung leaned back on the couch, feeling a weight on his shoulders. "I don't know; it just slipped my mind, I guess. I've been so caught up in my own thoughts and worries that I haven't found the right moment to bring it up. It's becoming a problem."
Sunghoon paused for a moment, contemplating his response. "Look, Heeseung, I understand that you want to focus on yourself and your relationship with YN, but keeping something like this from her is not fair to either of you. She deserves to know what's going on, especially if it's something that might impact your future together."
Heeseung nodded, realizing the truth in Sunghoon's words. "You're right. I need to find the right time and place to have that conversation with her. It's just... I'm afraid of how she'll react."
Sunghoon placed a comforting hand on Heeseung's shoulder. "I get it, Hee. It's not easy to have these kinds of conversations, but you owe it to both yourself and YN to be honest and open. Trust in your friendship and the bond you share. She'll understand."
"I'm afraid to tell her in person, though.” Heeseung contemplated Sunghoon's advice, weighing the options in his mind. "You think writing a letter would be better?" he asked, seeking confirmation.
Sunghoon nodded thoughtfully. "Sometimes, putting your thoughts and feelings down on paper can help you express yourself more clearly. It also gives the other person time to process the information without feeling put on the spot. If you feel more comfortable expressing yourself through a letter, then go for it. The most important thing is that you find a way to communicate with YN honestly and openly."
Heeseung sighed, relieved to have Sunghoon's support. "I think you're right. Writing a letter will give me the chance to carefully choose my words and convey everything I want to say. It will also give YN the space to absorb the information and react in her own time."
Sunghoon smiled, his eyes filled with understanding. "I'm here for you, Heeseung. If you ever need someone to talk to or help you through this, I'm just a phone call away."
Heeseung nodded gratefully, appreciating his friend's support. With a renewed sense of purpose, he knew it was time to gather his thoughts and pour his heart out onto paper, hoping that the letter would convey the depth of his emotions and the difficult decision he had to make.
He just hoped he had the time to write about everything he felt.
THIRTEEN.
The two months had swiftly passed, catching Heeseung by surprise. He found himself now adjusting his cap anxiously, eagerly awaiting your arrival. Graduation day had finally arrived, a day he had looked forward to with a mix of excitement and trepidation, knowing that it would mark the beginning of a painful farewell.
Heeseung stood among his classmates, excitement and nervousness buzzing in the air. The graduation ceremony was about to begin, and he couldn't help but feel a mix of emotions coursing through him. The cap on his head felt oddly heavy, as if carrying the weight of the impending farewell.
As he glanced around, his eyes searched for you in the crowd. He knew you would be there, a constant presence throughout his high school journey. But today, it held a bittersweet significance. It marked the beginning of a new chapter in both of your lives, one that would take you on separate paths.
The minutes ticked by, and anticipation grew with each passing second. Heeseung's mind wandered, replaying the memories of your time together. The laughter, the tears, the shared secrets, and the unspoken bond between you. He couldn't help but wonder how things would change after today.
Suddenly, he spotted you in the distance, making your way through the crowd. His heart skipped a beat as you drew closer, your smile lighting up the room. Heeseung's gaze never wavered from you, his emotions swirling within him.
As you approached Heeseung, you noticed the slight tension in his expression. You reached out and gently squeezed his hand, offering him a reassuring smile.
"Hey, Hee, are you ready for this?" You asked, trying to break the tension.
Heeseung looked at you, his gaze filled with a mix of emotions. "Yeah, I am. It's just... bittersweet, you know? Graduation marks the end of an era for us."
You nodded understandingly. "I know what you mean. It's hard to believe that after today, things will change. But hey, we've always managed to stick together through everything. I’m sure we will be able to do that again when we are in college.”
Heeseung's hand held onto yours, his grip growing tighter. He felt a lump form in his throat, and the urge to let his emotions spill over threatened to overcome him. He desperately wished he could make you a promise, but the weight of an impending goodbye weighed heavily on his heart. He turned away, blinking rapidly, hoping to conceal the tears welling up in his eyes.
But you saw right through his facade, your intuition picking up on the hidden emotions he tried to hide. Your heart ached at the sight of his struggle, realizing the depth of his fear and the significance of your connection. The thought of losing someone as dear to you as Heeseung was unfathomable. The bond you shared was precious and irreplaceable. Who would ever wish for that?
Before you could offer your comfort to Heeseung, the commencement speaker took the stage, commanding the attention of the hushed crowd. Your hand remained firmly in his, a simple gesture of support that spoke volumes. Both of you turned your focus towards the front, listening intently to the words being spoken.
The speaker's voice filled the air, carrying a sense of inspiration and reflection. They spoke about the accomplishments of the graduating class, the challenges faced, and the bright futures that lay ahead. It was a moment of celebration and reflection, marking the end of one chapter and the beginning of another.
As the speech continued, you stole a glance at Heeseung, taking in the mixture of emotions on his face. There was pride, tinged with sadness, as if he were already experiencing the weight of parting ways. You squeezed his hand gently, a silent reassurance that you were there beside him.
The speaker's words began to blur into the background as your mind wandered, reflecting on the journey you and Heeseung had taken together. From the countless memories shared to the unspoken understanding between you, your friendship has grown into something truly special.
As you sat there, surrounded by the buzz of graduation, your mind began to wander back to the memories you shared with Heeseung. The moments in class, the times you hung out, the events you attended together—they all flooded back, painting a vivid picture of your time together.
Each memory was intertwined with Heeseung's presence; his infectious smile and laughter were etched into every scene. The way his eyes crinkled into crescents when he laughed—that heavenly sound that never failed to bring warmth to your heart. It was in those moments that you realized something had shifted within you.
Fuck, you fell in deep. A surge of realization washed over you as you came to terms with your feelings. Maybe it wasn't just a passing fondness or friendship. Maybe, deep down, you have always liked Heeseung more than you realize. Perhaps it was hidden beneath the surface, waiting for the right time to reveal itself.
The thought of liking him, not just a little but a lot, was both exhilarating and terrifying. You couldn't deny the flutter of your heart whenever he was near, the way your smile widened when he was happy, or the pang of longing when you were apart. It all makes sense now.
How had you missed it before? Perhaps you had been too caught up in the comfort of your friendship, too afraid to acknowledge the possibility of something more. But now, as the truth unfolded before you, you couldn't ignore the depth of your feelings any longer.
As the ceremony continued, the realization settled within you, filling you with a mix of excitement and nervousness. Graduation marked not only the end of high school but also the beginning of a new chapter in your relationship with Heeseung. The question remained: would you have the courage to explore these newfound feelings and share them with him?
The answer was uncertain, but one thing was clear: the bond you shared with Heeseung was special, and it was worth exploring the possibility of something more. Graduation had become more than just a farewell; it had become a turning point, a chance to embrace the unknown and discover the depth of your connection with Heeseung.
With renewed determination and a sense of anticipation, you turned your attention back to the ceremony. As the crowd erupted into applause and the ceremony reached its climax, you couldn't help but steal a glance at Heeseung. His eyes met yours, and in that moment, you knew that whatever the future held, your feelings would guide you towards a path of truth and authenticity.
As the crowd erupted in cheers and applause, you joined your fellow graduates in turning your tassels, symbolizing the culmination of your high school journey. The air was filled with excitement and joy, and in that moment, everything seemed perfect.
But amidst the celebratory chaos, Heeseung's laughter pierced through the noise, drawing your attention. You turned, and there it was—the smile you adored, the one that never failed to make your heart skip a beat. His eyes met yours, and you couldn't help but feel a surge of emotion well up within you.
There was a tenderness in his gaze and a depth of affection that spoke volumes. It wasn't just your imagination playing tricks on you; he was looking at you with love in his eyes. The realization hit you like a wave, and a mixture of disbelief, hope, and overwhelming emotion washed over you.
Heeseung's tear-filled eyes mirrored your own, as if both of you were sharing an unspoken understanding. Heeseung's tears took you by surprise, and your heart ached at the sight of his distress. Concerned and wanting to offer solace, you closed the distance between you, gently placing a hand on his trembling shoulder.
"Don't cry, Hee," you whispered softly, your voice filled with genuine care. "Please, tell me why you're crying. What's wrong?"
Heeseung took a deep breath, trying to compose himself as he looked into your eyes. His voice quivered as he spoke: “It’s nothing, just us leaving high school.”
“Are you sure?” you asked worriedly, thinking there was more to it.
“I’m sure,” Heeseung whispered, his eyes slightly reddened. He reached out to retrieve something from his seat, clutching an envelope in his trembling hand.
"Promise me you'll wait a week before opening this, okay?" he pleaded.
"A whole week?" you questioned, a hint of impatience in your voice.
"I understand it feels like an eternity, but please trust me," he implored, his voice laced with sincerity.
Heeseung's request piqued your curiosity, and you nodded, agreeing to his peculiar condition. You took the envelope from his hand, holding it delicately between your fingers.
"I promise," you replied softly, your voice filled with a mix of anticipation and uncertainty. "I'll wait a week before opening it."
Heeseung offered you a faint smile, his eyes still glistening with unshed tears. "Thank you, YN. It means a lot to me."
Heeseung extended his arms, inviting you into a warm embrace that felt both comforting and bittersweet. He held you tightly, as if trying to etch the memory of this embrace deep into his being. You reciprocated, wrapping your arms around his waist and matching the rhythm of his heartbeat with your own. In that moment, your connection felt unbreakable, and the world around you faded away.
You two finally graduated from high school and are off to start your new journeys in life.
FOURTEEN.
As each day passed, the presence of the unopened letter weighed heavily on your mind. Despite being occupied with new hobbies and family time, curiosity about its contents lingered in the back of your mind. Heeseung's absence during this time only fueled your anticipation, as you wondered what could be so important that he asked you to wait for a week before opening it. With each passing day, the envelope seemed to stare at you, silently urging you to unravel its mysteries.
After an entire week of anticipation, the time had come to open the letter. Excitement surged through your veins as you hurriedly made your way to your room, a sense of eagerness driving you forward. You located the envelope you had carefully stowed away in your drawer and settled yourself into a seat.
With a mix of excitement and nervousness, you took a deep breath and gently tore open the envelope, savoring the moment of anticipation. The sound of the paper crinkling echoed in the room, and you carefully extracted the contents from within. Your hands trembled slightly as you unfolded the letter, your eyes scanning the words written on the page.
Hi YN ^^ !
This is Heeseung after a week! I hope you waited patiently, just as you always do. I know you keep your promises, so I had faith in you. If you did wait, as I believe you did, thank you so much. Now, let me get straight to the point, as I know you prefer it that way.
First and foremost, I want to apologize. Writing this letter is challenging, but expressing my feelings this way feels easier than doing it in person. You hold a special place in my heart, and I felt it was crucial to share this with you. I trust you would have appreciated that. So…
YN, I like you. More than just a little, it could even be considered love. I have loved you from the very beginning. However, Beomgyu was fortunate enough to be the one by your side, taking away any chance I had. It hurt, but seeing your happiness with him eased some of the pain. Please don't blame yourself, as you had no way of knowing.
All I ever wanted was for you to be happy, even if it meant I would remain in the background. So what if I was just your best friend? It didn't matter, as long as I could see you smile. When he hurt you, it made it even more difficult for me to confess my feelings.
I had intended to tell you earlier, ever since Mark's party. Did you notice the hints of 'I love you'? Because I do, I really do. It was my attempt to confess—it didn’t work out as you didn’t pick up on it.
If feelings weren't already complicated enough, my college situation adds to the frustration. I have been accepted to a different school than yours. I'm sure you're aware of that, but there are some things you don't know. I got into one of my dream schools, but it's located out of state. This means I won't be able to see you ever again. Not for now, at least.
I'm sorry for dropping this news on you suddenly and for not telling you sooner. I didn't know how to, and I despise seeing you sad. Losing Beomgyu made it even harder for me to bring it up. So I kept it to myself, which eventually backfired.
I find it frustrating that I have to express myself through this letter rather than in person. I know I may come to regret this decision, but it's too late to turn back now.
By the time you read this, I will already be at the airport, ready to depart. If you're lucky, you might catch a glimpse of me, although I doubt it. I anticipate being too busy to stay in touch through texts or calls, which only adds to the complexity of my situation. So, I must bid you farewell with these words. Goodbye, YN.
Please remember to keep yourself happy and never let that radiant smile disappear. It pains me to see you without it. And always remember: I will never forget you. That is a promise I will keep. Please don't forget me either, okay?
YN, I'm sorry that we couldn't fulfill our promises. I hope that our paths will cross again in a few years. If you decide to stay here, I will do my best to return to you.
Thank you for everything. Know that I love you, my YN.
— Heeseung, your loser.
As you read the final part of the letter, panic welled up inside you, and your eyes began to well up with tears. He was leaving you? Now?
You couldn't believe that he had shouldered all of this alone for so long. The thought of him suffering in silence while seeing you with your ex filled you with regret.
You berated yourself for not realizing his feelings sooner, but there was no time for self-blame now. Without wasting another second, you rushed downstairs, determined to reach the airport as quickly as possible.
You had to reach him before it was too late.
You had to say goodbye properly, at least.
FIFTEEN.
With a racing heart and a sense of urgency, you dashed out of your house and into the bustling streets. The minutes felt like hours as you navigated through the crowded sidewalks, desperately trying to reach the airport. Your mind was consumed with thoughts of finding Heeseung before it was too late.
The airport loomed in the distance, and you pushed yourself to run faster, your breath becoming ragged. Sweating and panting, you hurried through the entrance, scanning the bustling terminal for any sign of Heeseung. The sea of unfamiliar faces only heightened your anxiety.
Frantically, you approached airport personnel, trying to inquire about departing flights and destinations. Time seemed to slip away, with each passing second intensifying your fear of missing him. You searched for any information that could lead you to Heeseung's departure gate, hoping to catch a glimpse of him before it was too late.
Finally, a helpful staff member directed you to the correct gate. With renewed determination, you weaved through the crowd, your eyes scanning every face, hoping to spot him among the travelers. The sound of boarding announcements echoed through the air, adding to the urgency of your mission.
As you reached the gate, your heart sank as you realized the boarding process was already underway. You desperately looked around, searching for a familiar figure and praying that you hadn't missed him. Time seemed to slow down, and your breath caught in your throat.
And then, just as you were about to lose hope, you spotted him. Heeseung stood near the gate, his gaze fixed on the departure screen. Relief washed over you, and you called out his name, your voice filled with a mix of emotions.
"Heeseung!" you exclaimed, your voice trembling with both relief and urgency.
He turned, a mix of surprise and joy flickering across his face as he saw you. "YN? What are you doing here?" he asked, his voice laced with a mixture of disbelief and hope.
You rushed forward, breathless and overwhelmed. "I couldn't let you leave without saying goodbye," you said, your voice filled with determination. "I had to find you."
A flicker of emotion danced in Heeseung's eyes as he took a step closer. "But I thought... I thought you read my letter."
Tears welled up in your eyes as you shook your head. "I did, but I couldn't just let you go without trying. I can't bear the thought of losing you."
Heeseung's expression softened, and he looked at you, tearing up. “I’m sorry, YN,” he whispered, feeling himself getting closer to you. “I never wanted to leave, but I had to. You’ll find someone better.”
"There's no one else who compares to you. I can't believe it took me this long to realize it, but Heeseung, I like you too, a lot."
"But aren't you still with Beomgyu?"
"No, we actually broke up a while ago. It's just you and me now, Hee. I've had some time to reflect, and I've come to realize that my feelings for you have always been there. I truly mean it. Do you still feel the same way?"
Heeseung felt a surge of relief hearing your response. Part of him wanted to say yes immediately, but another part held him back. He didn't want to rush into anything and risk hurting you. He needed time for himself.
Your words hung in the air, and he looked into your eyes with a mix of emotions. "YN, I appreciate your honesty and the courage it took to tell me how you feel. I do care deeply about you, and that hasn't changed. But with everything going on right now—my college plans, the uncertainty of the future—I want to take some time for myself before committing to a relationship."
Confusion and disappointment clouded your expression. "So, you're saying you don't want to be with me?" You asked, your voice quivering with a tinge of sadness and hurt.
Heeseung reached out, gently cupping your face with his hand. "No, that's not what I'm saying, YN. Please understand that it's not about not wanting to be with you. I do love you very much, but I’m scared the long distance wouldn’t work out for us. I want both of us to be ready for this.”
Tears welled up in your eyes as you processed his words. "I understand, Heeseung. I don't want to push you into something you're not ready for. But please know that my feelings for you are genuine, and I hope that in the future, when the time is right, we can be together."
Heeseung tightened his grip on your hand, a soft smile playing on his lips. "Thank you for your understanding, YN. You mean the world to me.”
Heeseung's voice trembled slightly as he spoke, his eyes fixated on the sign of his imminent departure. "Could we share one last hug before I go?" His words were laced with a bittersweet longing, and you could hear the hint of pain in his voice.
The weight of his impending absence settled heavily upon you, and your heart ached with a mix of emotions. Tears welled up in your eyes as you nodded, and your own voice choked with emotion. "Yes, Hee... one last hug."
Closing the physical gap between you, you stepped forward and wrapped your arms around Heeseung. The embrace was a mixture of comfort and farewell, as if trying to capture the essence of your bond in a single moment.
As you held each other, the weight of impending separation hung in the air. You could feel Heeseung's arms tightening around you, as if he wanted to etch this embrace into his memory. The world around you seemed to fade away, leaving only the two of you in that poignant embrace.
His voice cracked with emotion as he whispered, "Thank you for being here with me, even until the very end."
Tears welled up in your eyes, threatening to spill over, as you held onto him just a little tighter. The realization that he would soon be gone made each second feel precious and fleeting.
You found solace in the warmth of the hug and the silent understanding that flowed between you. It was a silent exchange of love, support, and the acknowledgment that distance could never diminish what you shared.
Reluctantly, you released each other, gazing into each other's eyes. The unspoken words and emotions lingered in the air, a testament to the depth of your connection.
As you watched him walk away, the weight of his departure settled on you. But amidst the ache, there was a glimmer of optimism, a belief that this temporary farewell was just a chapter in your story together.
As Heeseung walked away, his mind filled with a whirlwind of emotions, and he felt the need to distract himself from the ache in his heart. Seeking solace in the familiarity of his phone, he decided to clear his inbox before boarding the plane. As he scrolled through his unread emails, one message caught his eye, causing his heart to skip a beat.
His eyes widened in shock as he opened the email, revealing an acceptance letter from your dream school—the very same college that had been his second choice. A mixture of disbelief, astonishment, and a tinge of bitterness washed over him as he read the words on the screen.
Once again, he had a chance he would have taken but missed.
He was too late.
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💭 — hey you’ve reached the end 😊
ENHA PERM TAGLIST — @flwoie @ixomiyu @yenavrse @shinsou-rii @bearseulgs @ilovewonyo @yenqa @dimplewonie @bubblytaetae @wtfhyuck @ineedaherosavemeenow @starcubes @starikizs @wonioml @chirokookie @xiaoderrrr @neozon3nha @en-chantedtomeetyou @millksea @enhaz1 @eundiarys @woon2u @ja4hyvn @judeduartewannabe @j-wyoung @thia-aep @vampcharxter @softpia @officiallyjaehyuns @itsactuallylina @hsheart @sweetjaemss @ahnneyong @hanienie @jwnghyuns @kpoplover718 @jiawji @rikizm @haknom @yeokii @wvnkoi @tnyhees @teddywonss @shinunoga-iie-wa @flwrshee @skzenhalove @chaewon-slays
LYFAD TAGLIST — @misoxhappy @vizstars @junzwrld @whippedforbeomgyu @rikisly
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Text
A million Bucks
Chrollo x Reader
Word Count: 2.7k
Summary: You and Chrollo are both dorks waiting for any chance to info dump. Also. Chrollo gives you a million dollars. Literally, it's in the title.
thank @ddarker-dreams for their latest Chrollo concept amongst others inspiring me.
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“Come! On! Enough exposition about the flowers, we’re going to miss it!” Watching your boyfriend go off on color and symbolism about each flower patch you passed in the botanical garden had been cute; You imagined him to have studied up on this ever since you expressed a desire to go. It was adorable, but if he kept talking like this the both of you were going to miss the sunset, and that was something you did not want to miss.
He lets you drag him by the arm, and in your huffy mood, you can just sense the amused little smile he wears, and you pull him along faster along the path.
“We still have around fifteen minutes before the sun sets, dear.”
“So? We can't just go when the sun is about to set–it's a gradual thing, watching the sky change color and such…Just trust me.” You pat his hand and he chuckles.
The hill is a perfect height, and you happily plop yourself down when you reach it, sighing in bliss.
“And now we wait.” There are already couples of all sorts sitting in the grass around you, and Chrollo immediately takes the spot next to you, shoulder to shoulder, thigh to thigh.
“So this is what you wanted to see.”
“Yes, isn’t it pretty? It’l be even prettier in a few moments.”
“Hm,” He puts a hand to his chin and you know he's about to ask one of his questions.
“Tell me, common folk tend to romanticize watching the sunset, but if removed from their conventional daily schedules, would a person be able to tell the difference between sunrise and a sunset?”
“I think it’s pretty easy to tell though? Daybreak is softer, pinks and blues and lavenders and the like. Though the same colors could be found here too…Maybe because it's more tranquil? Everyone is still mostly asleep during the daybreak so you can hear the birds and the like.”
“Yet I can hear the birds now as well. And, excluding telling factors such as sound or general aura, could you truly tell the difference?”
You shrug.
“I'm not sure? If you plopped a random person on a hill such as this, but with no accompanying factors of time– like the street lamps turning on, or the clock or business folk walking home— how would they know?”
Now he’s got you hooked, time to unload some of the random trivial knowledge you have stored in your brain. You tilt your head in thought and carry on.
“The sunset often has a more yellow tone though? Sunlight is composed of a multicolored spectrum, just like a rainbow. It passes through the atmosphere, which is a mix of gaseous molecules like oxygen and nitrogen and water vapor, at a slant as the sun drops towards the horizon. The atmosphere is thicker during this time since during the day, general activity and the sun’s beams cause molecules to swell and expand, so the sun’s light rays have a harder time traveling. The short blue and violet waves have a harder time traveling, even the yellow and orange ones, which is why more densely packed and thus polluted areas usually have red sunsets. We’re lucky today to see such a bright orange sunset, but I guess that’s just a testament to how clean the city is. I knew I voted right.”
You laugh under your nose, but soon a question pops in your mind.
 “On another note though… these names that we give to these different times; Daybreak, dawn, dusk, twilight, noon, day and night…for a person who doesn’t know such things how would they apply them? Couldn’t daybreak also refer to the sunset, or to twilight, since that's when the day ‘breaks’ into night? Afternoon is pretty straightforward, but what is the concept of noon to someone who's never experienced it before? I mean, everyone has experienced noon but–” 
You look up, and the light is so bright and orange for a moment you could’ve sworn you saw your lover covering a lovesick smile. He quickly transitions to wiping his mouth, and you’re left stupefied if that really happened. There is still the slightest red hue on his ears, and a glimmer in his eye, but that could just be the sunlight.
“Well that's getting into the topic of linguistics, and the pattern we apply to languages for the patterns we apply to our general lives. It varies greatly among language and culture, different regions and dialects. There's certain parallels though to be found. Like how in many languages, like Spanish, day is referred to with the masculine, in this case ‘Buenos’ and night as the feminine ‘Buenas’. Apollo and Artemis, Lugus and Rhiannon, Inti and Mama Quilla, Huītzilōpōchtli and Mētztli, etcetera.”
“Oh, but that's getting into gender and its role in religion. And what about cultures that are the opposite? Like Ameratsu and Tsukuyomi-no-mikoto? Sol and Máni? And at this point, if we’re speaking about an established and organized religion then that means that such patterns have already been set and defined, and our original question has already been answered by our hypothetical person or peoples.” You grin and lean in closer to him. His hand creeps along your thigh but you let it.
“Removing all factors, How could one tell the difference between a sunrise and a sunset? They’d have to rely on intuition, with the absence of context clues. Maybe they’d be able to tell, since humans are mostly Diurnal? What do you think?”
He just stares at you, drenched in the sun’s rays, and gosh he’s really freaking pretty. Modeling contract when?
But he just keeps staring, and now you notice the way his pupils are dilated, the way he's leaning in.
“Chrollo?”
“I think,” he licks his lips before he speaks. “That you’re going to miss your sunset if you keep on.” You’re already flailing a little before he finishes his sentence, and Chrollo can't help the expression on his face as you eagerly lift your head to the sparse clouds up above.
“As riveting your conversation is though.”
“Oh shush you, we almost missed it!”
True, the skies edges were being beaten into blooming shades of indigo and plum, slipping into a golden orange and bleeding red at its sinking core. It was nothing he hadn't already seen before.
But you were acting like it was your first time; Your widened eyes glowed in the reflection of the sun, painting you in golden armour. It painted your hands, gilded your hair, lay heavy over your eyelids, and slick across your mouth like honey, opened slightly in awe. It seemed to almost pool on your tongue, and he so wanted a taste.
“Why are you staring at me?” You say, not keen to pull your eyes away. More's the pity. If you turned your head you would catch a glimpse of a man so besotted, drowning willingly in a love he never once thought he’d ever be able to experience.
“I seem to find you more captivating dearest.” 
Your brow pinches, adorably, but you scoff a laugh.
“Don’t be silly, you see me almost every day. You’ve seen my face a hundred times.”
“And I've seen the sunset a thousand more. So why would I choose to look at a dying star when I can stare at you?”
The sun is almost gone, but the red hue on your face doesn’t fade, and something in Chrollo’s chest warms; purrs and curls, like a snake.
He inches forward while you huff.
“Mister Casanova over here trying to be smooth…Just what are you thinking?”
It might be indecent, the way his hand smooths along your inner thigh, but he finds he doesn’t care. Neither do you, when you finally turn to look at him, and your breath hitches with how close he is. It's getting darker, but not all of the street lamps are on.
“I’m thinking…” And he smooths your hair away from your neck. You shiver. “That right now, I'm much too endeared by you to deny you anything you might ask.”
“Oh really?” Your tone is amused, disbelieving but he nods. Goodness he was…Ah, how did Uvo and Shalnark put it again? Whipped?
“Okay, I want a million dollars.”
His expression doesn’t change. “Alright.”
“Alright? Don't tell me you’re that easy love.”
“I’m afraid I am, for you dear… Is there anything else you desire?” You flush darker, but in a bold move you grab onto his collar and drag him down into the grass for a kiss.
Your mouth does taste sweet.
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A few days later, you were relaxing at home…Until you decided to go to your local coffee shop and treat yourself. Your favorite barista made your drink perfectly, and you checked your bank account to see whether you could give them a more generous tip then your usual, to find something very shocking. Now you’re pacing your bedroom with your phone pressed to your ear.
“.....Yes, dear?” Finally he picks up. You immediately lay into him.
“Chrollo? Honey, dear, darling, apple of my eye, gem of my heart…I seem to be in a bit of a conundrum.”
“Is that so? How about you explain it to me so I can help you.”
“That's exactly why I called. Now, can you tell me why there is suddenly an extra one million dollars in my bank account? Hm?” You know it's his fault. You know it.
“Hm. Maybe your boss gave you a raise?”
“Oh, is that so?”
“You have been working hard dearest.” Cheeky bastard.
“Chrollo.” He chuckles on the other end of the line, and you feel like the top of your head is going to blow off.
”Chrollo.”
“Alright, alright. It was me.”
“And why in the nine circles would you do that?”
He’s silent over the line for a minute, you can only hear the hum of his car, so you assume he‘s driving, wherever he is.
“Well, you asked for it.”
“What–”
“As your spouse, isn’t it my duty to attend to your every want and need?” You slam the phone down on your bed, and immediately smack face down into a pillow, and scream. What the hell. You can hear his muffled voice on the side, and pick the phone back up after about a minute of suffering.
“Are you alright dearest?”
“My disappointment is immeasurable and my day is ruined.”
“Oh? Now that won't do. Would another million make you feel better?”
“I will literally leave you if you do that.”
“I always knew you were a thief. Not content with just my heart, are you?”
You sigh hard and pinch the bridge of your nose. There is an anxiousness curling tight and hot in your belly, and his amused tone of voice isn’t helping.
“Where did you even get this kind of money?”
“I won the lottery.” You yell his name and he laughs, full on laughs, you’re sure your face is completely red by now.
“I'm truly serious.”
“I’m not going to accept that as an excuse.”
“Fine. Then it was inheritance from a rich estranged aunt of mine. Perhaps I'm secretly the CEO of a major conglomerate. Or perhaps I own a couple of mines. Maybe I got lucky with the stocks I invested in. Whatever makes it easiest for you to accept, darling.”
“Accept what?”
“I think we both know what I’m alluding to.” There's that tone of voice again. That tone.
Sometimes, Chrollo just…puts you on edge. There was always something eerie about him, and while he could shrug it off and be his dashing, charming self, you couldn't deny that he sometimes made the hairs on your neck stand on end.
He was too observant, you could never sneak up on him. Never.  And he liked to stare, a lot. He was also crazy observant–bringing up little tidbits of info and conversation you brought up years ago with perfect clarity. He acted the most odd when you were your authentic self, like he was simultaneously amused and fascinated by your ‘quirks’. 
Like when you would stop to talk to and help strangers, or when you’d return a wayward shopping cart to its right place, or when you stop to pet the local stray cats. You had always brushed it off with probably him being jaded, a bit awkward (he doesn't get internet lingo, he doesn't know basic meme culture but can tell you in excruciating detail where the murderer went wrong in whatever documentary you’re watching), but you cared for him. The good outweighed the strange, right?Even  if he was gone so often, or never took off the wrapping around his forehead or changed in front of you, or how he could sometimes move so fast.
Your partner is creepy, honestly. But who doesn't want a borderline cryptid boyfriend? You stay with him anyways.
Maybe that's to your own detriment.
You sigh again, feeling like five years has been taken off your life. “You can't just drop a million dollars into my bank account Chrollo.”
“And why not?”
“Because… Because!! A million dollars Chrollo?”
“I see no issue with it. And I’m not taking it back.” He cuts you off before you can start your next sentence.
“I don’t see much value in material wealth. It makes no difference to me. Consider it disposable income.”
“Spoken like a true bourgeois.I can’t believe I betrayed my fellow man for a blood sucking parasite.” You wipe a fake tear away.
“‘Parasite’? I'm quite partial to spiders myself.”
“Ew, whatever.” Of course he would like spiders. “I’m donating your money to charity then.”
“Alright then. It’s your money now dear.”
“...You’re amused by all this, aren’t you.”
“I’m not quite  sure what you mean,” sounds of traffic overtake the line as he goes silent for a moment.
“I’m just endeared by your humility and generosity. But there's no need for theatrics dear. What's mine is mine, and what's mine is yours,” you can just imagine the smugness radiating behind that genial smile.
“And naturally, you are mine, so my point stands..”
You’re silent, and Chrollo waits for your response. You just sigh again, and shake your head.
“I can’t understand you sometimes.”
“There's no need for you to, darling. Just indulge me.”
“Yeah? And what would you like?” You tease, slipping into familiar territory. He hums in thought as if he doesn’t already know what he wants.
“Let me take you out to dinner tonight. No fuss from you.”
“You already made a reservation huh.”
“Of course. Five star." Oh dear goodness, this man is going to be the death of you.
Well, at least if you fall ill due to the stress of being with such a man you can actually cover your bills, and then some.
“So what do you want me to wear?”
“Something long sleeve, we’ll be dining on the open balcony.”
“You’ll just give me your coat if I get chilly. Anyways, I asked you what you want me to wear?” He goes quiet and you try not to grin.
“You said indulge you, right?”
He’s quiet over the line, before he laughs low, and despite yourself there is a flutter in your gut.
“You’re a wonder Darling.” he mutters something about ‘missing this later’  but before you could make head or tails of that he continued.
“Wear something black. Surprise me.” You roll your eyes and yourself off the bed, padding over to your closet.
“You and your monochromes…Alright, where are you?”
“Just a few blocks away.”
“That hardly gives me enough time to get ready.”
“No need to rush, we have time. I set the reservation for eight tonight, so you still have a few hours.”  
“Then why did you come so early?”
“What if you need help zipping up your dress?” You laugh, and close the closet, having grabbed what you needed.
“Whatever, let yourself in with the mat key. We’ll talk about your disposable income when you arrive. And you can put the roses away yourself when you come.”
His voice is smooth and deep with mirth. “How did you know I brought roses?”
“You always do, dear.” You hear the sound of a car roll up to the driveway and grin, hanging up the phone. You rush into the bathroom to get ready.
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purerae · 7 months
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— ROOM 42
CHAPTER ONE ;; PROLOGUE
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ROOM 42 MASTERLIST
SYPNOSIS ;; Y/N, surprisingly, in detention for missed homework, teams up with the school's delinquent to investigate a mysterious door. Unable too explore further, Y/N and her friends devise a plan to sneak into the classroom after school and explore the hidden space. Their curiosity leads to a sinister game of secrets and betrayal. As they and their friends go deeper, the consequences grow. How far will they go to hide their sins? How far will they go... for her? (click on master list for more details)
(keep reading for chapter one.)
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??? POV
"Why is it always me?" Zion groaned, frustration etched across his face. “The teacher's pet constantly snitches on every bloody thing I do." He slammed his fist into the wall, causing more chips to fly off the already ruined surface.
For the seventh time, Eliza, the teacher's pet, had reported Zion Minh for skipping class.
"Bro, she just doesn't like you. I skip class all the time, and she never bothers me," his friend Adrien chuckled.
Zion rolled his eyes. "She just wants to suck your dick, shut up."
"I mean, who wouldn't? Just look at me~" Adrien teased.
Zion gave him a blank stare and narrowed his crimson eyes. Adrien snickered at his own joke.
Despite their banter, Zion and Adrien were actually close friends. They had known each other since they were babies due to their parents' close work relationship.
Zion, with his dark crimson red hair and matching eyes, had a reputation as a high school delinquent. He was always ready to confront anything that seemed like a threat. Everyone in school knew better than to mess with him, except for his gang and Eliza.
Adrien, with his dirty blonde hair and khaki green eyes, was also a delinquent but less intimidating than Zion. He had a reputation as the school's playboy, often flirting with the girls. Teachers liked him, but they knew he could be mischievous at times. Only Zion and his dad had seen Adrien at his worst.
"Alright babe! Enjoy your detention, I'll see you later," Adrien chuckled, running off to the main entrance and leaving the building.
Zion grimaced at the mocking pet name and muttered a quick goodbye before heading towards Room 42, the designated detention room at the back of the school. He preferred this room to avoid the other students, as he was often tempted to pick fights with them.
Upon entering, Zion noticed a tall woman with long blonde hair sitting on a desk at the front of the classroom. He rolled his eyes, recognizing her as the one who often gave him detention.
"You're here again, Mr. Minh? You really need to step up your game before you get excluded from this school. Also, surprisingly, someone else has a detention right now in this room," she sighed, looking him up and down. "Please don't annoy her. I'll be gone for half an hour to attend a meeting. You better still be here." With that, she trudged off, her footsteps gradually fading away.
"You better still be here," Zion mimicked in a high-pitched voice, raising his hands mockingly.
He made his way to the back of the classroom, his usual spot, and started playing with his pen. After a while, boredom set in, and he decided to explore the classroom. He rummaged through the books, broke some pens, and generally acted nonchalant. Finally, he went up to a tall bookshelf and grabbed a boring science book, which he despised. With a sense of rebellion, he began vandalizing it, scribbling all sorts of things and profanities.
However, he soon noticed something in his peripheral vision. A girl with her hood up and earphones in was staring straight at him. The sound of music bled through the buds.
Feeling awkward, Zion looked up and made eye contact with the girl. She quickly rushed to the front of the class and took a seat. It then dawned on Zion that this was the person he had detention with. He rolled his eyes at the realisation, 'Great, some freak i have to share the room with for a whole ass hour…’
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ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ Y/N L/N
Y/N was ten minutes late to detention because she couldn't find the isolated classroom. 'Of course, I'm the one who has detention at the stupid creepy classroom,' she thought with a groan, tilting her head back out of frustration
This was her first detention, and she was panicking. It happened because she had failed to submit her math homework three times in a row. It wasn't entirely her fault; she lacked the motivation and struggled to understand math for fucks sake!
As Y/N entered the room, she noticed a red-headed boy crouching down, aggressively defacing a book. He already gave her an odd impression as she wondered why he was torturing the Science book meant for younger children. She stopped her music and put her hood up, hoping to avoid any attention from him.
The boy's face was visible to her, but he seemed too absorbed in his task to notice her. It dawned on her that this was Zion Minh, the scariest person in school and Eliza's one-sided enemy. At that moment, she wished she could just run out of the classroom to avoid any potential conflict.
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A/N ;; The first chapter is awful I am so sorry!! Please trust me, and it will get better as the chapters go on. comments and reblogs heavily appreciated <33
purerae &lt;3
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denimbex1986 · 4 months
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'...In season 2, Gaiman and his co-writer John Finnemore takes us beyond the pages of the original book and focuses on the millennia-lasting connection between the book-loving angel Aziraphale (Michael Sheen) and the demon Crowley (David Tennant), who cares more about saving humanity than he'd care to admit.
While fans are certainly eager to see more of Aziraphale and Crowley, actors Sheen and Tennant were also more than happy to reprise their roles. "It was very pleasing to slip back into those slightly too-tight trousers," Tennant joked to me about donning Crowley's wardrobe once more. I talked to him about "Good Omens 2" before the SAG-AFTRA strike, and we touched on how season 2 even came to be, what it was like to have Jon Hamm's amnesiac Gabriel throw a wrench into Crowley and Aziraphale's relationship, and — for a brief moment — about fan fiction.
With the first season, there was the source material from the book, but season 2 is new territory. How did Neil [Gaiman] pitch season 2 to you, and when did he pitch it to you in the process?
It gradually came into focus over a couple of years, probably. I mean, from the initial idea that there might be more story to tell, which probably had its genesis way, way back as a sort of fantasy idea, really, where we were shooting [season] 1.
And then [season] 1 came out, and I think from that point, there was a slow realization that actually there might be more to come. Neil was clearly excited at the idea, and I think Amazon were keen to do it. And Michael and I were thrilled that we would get to return to [these] characters. We always thought it was a one-off. That was how it was pitched. That's what we were contracted for. When we started off on that journey, there was never a sense to go further, but what a treat that it was going to. And I think Neil would drop us little nuggets down the months and years, really.
Then there was a point, now when would it have been? I was in Romania filming "Around the World in 80 Days." Michael was, I can't remember where he was, but we had a Zoom call together where Neil read us the first scene, the opening scene, which is, if you've seen it, you'll know we meet a very youthful Crowley and Aziraphale, very much way back at the beginning of time. And Neil read that out to us over a Zoom call and then gave us a quick sketch of what the rest of the series was going to be. He told us some of the other writers that he was working with, and some of the early ideas, and he told us how it ended. That was all worked out, and it just felt delicious, really. I mean from that moment on, it just felt like it was always meant to be. It felt like it was such a perfectly formed idea. I think it's fair to say that Michael and I didn't need much persuading.
One thing I love about both seasons is that Aziraphale and Crowley are definitely an odd couple, but in "Good Omens 2," they're an odd couple who gets a toddler — at least in the first few episodes with Gabriel.
Yes, yes. That's a very good logline. Yes. The odd couple with a toddler.
I have a toddler, and some of the lines, I was like, "Is Neil in my house taking audio of my child?" Because you had the established dynamic with Michael for Crowley and Aziraphale in the first season, how did the dynamic change in those scenes with the two of you and with Gabriel when he's in that toddler state?
Well, I suppose it's Gabriel's very presence that changes it, isn't it? I mean, he's the grit in the oyster there, because I think they've just about managed to figure out a way of existing separately and together without their head offices ruling their lives. They're living with existence in the shadows on Earth and actually having probably quite a reasonable time. I mean, Crowley's living in the back of his car, which isn't ideal, but they're bumping along, and they can spend time together with less of the threat of being told off for it.
The absence of heaven and hell has actually been quite a good thing for them on the whole. So to have Gabriel revisiting is a bit of a disaster. Especially — I mean, he did try to discorporate Aziraphale and that Aziraphale was actually Crowley at the time, and that's not something Crowley's wanting to forgive. So to have Gabriel back in their midst and inexplicably amnesiac at the same time, it's not really what they needed and it's not helping them to keep their heads down. So it's brilliant in terms of setting these characters off on a new story and taking them to places they didn't imagine they would ever have to go. It's a fantastic device and like you say, yes, it's a bit like the odd couple with a kid, or two supernaturals and a baby, something like that. And I think that's the joy, isn't it? If there's characters that you know and love, you just want to spin them into a situation that they've not been in before and sit back and enjoy it.
Another thing in season 2, and I'm going to keep this spoiler-free, but there are a lot of flashbacks to other points in time, which you got a little bit of in the first season. But I think we get more of it here, and one of the things with those flashbacks is that you, especially as Crowley, get to wear the most magnificent costumes. What was that like for you, to embody these clothes and portray Crowley through all those different points in time?
Who wouldn't get a kick out of being able to reimagine what that version of Crowley would've been? Because unlike Aziraphale, who tends to be a bit more conservative in the way that he addresses whatever period he's living through and in some ways sort of changes very little, Crowley leans into wherever he is and tries to find the zeitgeist of the moment and chew it up and spit it out a little bit. So from a design point of view, that's great fun. Obviously, Kate Carin, our costume designer, was allowed to run riot, because you get to design a period look and then add another 25% on top of it. And Stevie Smith, who designs my makeup on it, gets to find new ways of sticking facial hair on me. And it's hugely fun to play, and hugely fun for everyone to create.
And those little stories — the stories within the story — to get to see those characters at different points in their existence, it's a treat. It was always Michael and I's favorite bit of the first [season], that sequence — episode 3 where you saw them traipsing through history. And so it was delicious that there was more of that in season 2, and they're very much crafted at specific points in the story to illustrate an element of how Aziraphale and Crowley's relationship has developed over the millennia and why they are where they are now. So they're not just indulgences for us all. They're very specific plot points to tell.
I'm sure there's fanfic out there that's similar to what we see of Crowley and Aziraphale, and it's interesting to see the official version of it.
Yes. I mean, I've experienced some fanfic in my time. I think it's best, probably not for me [to read]. Sometimes you find yourself doing some very, very extraordinary things. So perhaps I'll leave that ....
No, I think that's wise on your part. And then for my last question, it just looks like you're having fun when you're playing Crowley —
I wouldn't want you to imagine anything other than very, very hard work. Very difficult, very dull, very boring. I'm never enjoying myself at all.
Yeah, no, of course not! But for Crowley, is there anything you do to get into that mindset?
It was interesting going back for series 2, because there's been quite a gap between filming 1 and 2, and I was a little bit concerned that the voice or the walk or whatever else it might be have slightly left me. But once I was staring at Michael Sheen's bleached white hair and his ... oh, I could be rude. I'm not going to be rude. So no, it all sort of seemed to come back fairly easily, to be honest. I felt, there's certainly, it's a very pleasing character to inhabit and all that full cynicism that he splashes around himself, which actually hides, I would say, a heart of gold, although Crowley would never admit that himself. It was very pleasing to slip back into those slightly too-tight trousers. It really was a pleasure. It was great fun.'
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e-the-village-cryptid · 8 months
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Andor charcter names & Spanish!
so while watching Andor, Saw Gerrera's name popped out to me as obviously being based on the Spanish word guerrera (warrior), but once I noticed that a whole lot of other names presented themselves so I am compiling a list:
Brasso — abrazo (hug) — this man is so friend-shaped
Saw Gerrera — guerrera/o (warrior) — he sure fuckin is
Taramyn Barcona — barracón (barracks) — he was a former Stormtrooper
Dedra Meero— miro (I look/I watch) (pronounced the same as meero) — her meticulous observation is her key character trait
maybe this is a reach but Kassa Andor— casa, andar (home, walk/go/travel), he's someone always running from or trying to return to his home
Clem Andor— clemencia (clemency/mercy) — he was always shown trying to keep the peace and yet was shown no mercy himself
Perrin — perra (bitch.)
also some that are probably just me making something out of nothing but are way too close to spanish words not to include:
Cinta Kaz — cinta is just straight-up a spanish word, meaning tape/ribbon but can also be used to mean film in the movie sense. maybe trying to say she is the tape/ribbon tying this rebellion together? or if it's the film definition, invoking a meta sort of tragic inevitability? (I am reading too much into this and I am wrong here let's be clear)
Vel — vela means candle— as in she is this small but burning flame of rebellion; velo means veil— as in her sight of some parts of this thing are clouded. (once again I am reading too much into this and I am wrong here please ignore me)
also not spanish but. luthen. luthien. an instrument crafter. the way he gradually builds tools to play the music of the rebellion. the NAMESSSS the names
please add on if you have more!
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virtueking233 · 2 months
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Oh wow… I said I was going to try and post here more often and tell my theories but I completely forgot to… anyways, is it just me or am being delusional?
And I don’t know if I have talked about this on here before but does anyone notice how Weiss Nevermore summon is possibly greatly connected to Ruby and Weiss relationship?
Like… if you think about it for a moment and just analyze what the Nevermore possibly symbolize/represents (as a great deal of Weiss summons are allusions to something or share some sort of connection or mean something), you sort of just notice that Nevermore is practically directly linked to Ruby and Weiss relationship
(Which makes sense given that Weiss wasn’t really the one to have killed the Nevermore… it was Ruby who cut off its head)
And the way this Nevermore summon connects to Ruby and Weiss relationship symbolically is possibly through it representing Trust, belief, connection, understanding and Freedom (possibly)
(Which again, makes sense for the Freedom part due to how birds are symbolically used to represent freedom)
But the thing that made me think this and made me sort of notice this connection is when the Nevermore is first killed and the slow gradual attempts by Weiss at summoning the Nevermore until her first actual summoning against CC (also some stuff about what Winter said about summoning/the Schnee family semblance back in V3)
And the reasons these make me think of this… well, starting off with the Nevermore being killed
This part is rather simple since It’s the beginning piece of what creates and gives way for Weiss to be able to summon the Nevermore
In the beginning of the finale fight of the Emerald forest arc against both the Nevermore and the Scorpion (brain fart, forgot its name), both Ruby and Weiss sort of come to a small mutual understanding about each other and both chooses to accept and trust in the other
When Ruby comes up with a plan to kill the Nevermore, a plan that Weiss chooses to trust in and chooses to believe in Ruby (and Ruby chooses to trust in and believe in Weiss as well) being able to kill the Nevermore
And this belief in Ruby is quite easily proven true
Now moving on to the bit about Weiss attempts to summon the Nevermore till she truly does in the finale of V10
And before I fully go into depth on it, I would like to say some stuff about how during the atlas arc… Ruby and Weiss slowly got more and more distant from each other due to being too busy, having issues with some burdens, or possibly some miscommunication
And this is important because this is slightly reflected in Weiss first attempt to Summon the Nevermore in order to try and save Ruby… but yet she fails due to not being quick enough in summoning the Nevermore (and partially because of a Grimm attacking her before she could summon), because her connection and sort of understanding about Ruby has sort of… fades a bit due to distance
But this slightly changes come V9, after RWBY reunites
With how Weiss comes to learn and understand a bit about Ruby’s current emotional state and tries her best to help her a bit by trying to talk to her and get her to open up… but fails as Ruby doesn’t want to talk right now and chooses to focus on the task at hand
Something important to note is how Weiss not only understands that Ruby is hurting and something is bothering her… but Weiss also partially misunderstands when Ruby walks away when Weiss is trying to talk to her about Penny… that Ruby wants to be left alone for now and wants to get things handled first before she opens up
And Weiss (believing in that little misunderstanding since Ruby does want someone to support her or talk to her and help her) chooses to trust and believe that Ruby will talk to her and open up to her about what’s hurting her and will rely on her as well as coming to accept that Ruby needs some time
Leading to Weiss being able to almost fully summon the Nevermore but only being to summon the wings and use the wings
But not yet being able to manifest it yet
Until Ruby breaks and Weiss comes to understand and fully realize what was wrong with Ruby and what she needed most
Until the group arrives at Tree statue Ruby and Weiss comes to understand, trust and believe and accept that whoever or whatever comes out of that statue, will still be Ruby Rose
That whoever Ruby chooses to be and comes out as… Will always be Weiss’s partner, leader, and best friend to her
Which once Ruby comes back and once again… proves that belief true
Weiss is fully able to summon and conjure up the Nevermore to help in the fight against CC
But who knows… I could just be coming up with this is or looking a bit too deep… but what are all of you folks thoughts?
Also, I didn’t really get into the “Freedom” part about the whole Nevermore thing and might just make a part two to fully explore it
But to simplify it just to put it in here
The Nevermore represents Freedom because through Acceptance and Understanding, through trust and believing in one another
Ruby and Weiss manages to come together and learn to be free together
Free to choose who they want to become and who they wish to be
Free to follow their own path and define their own name
Free to find joy and love wherever it may be… to be free to find comfort and warmth in friends, family, and partner quite special
But again… what are your thoughts on it
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cat3ch1sm · 1 year
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⚰️~ hello, everyone- i am back! thank you all for your patience and support<3 i apologize to all those who have requests pending, i have resumed work on them now. :) here are some death note headcanons, enjoy!
・┆✦ʚ🤍ɞ✦ ┆・ slight nsfw, gn!reader
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𝐝𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐡 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞 𝐠𝐮𝐲𝐬 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐚 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐢𝐜/𝐝𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐩𝐚𝐧 𝐬/𝐨!
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light yagami
ᥫ᭡ he enjoys the quiet and also admires how independent you are. light isn’t a fan of overly bubbly and emotional people, so you’re just what he needs
~ however, sometimes it is a little annoying when you hardly react to things he has strong feelings about
~ he doesn’t see your expression change at all very often, so when you smile one of your rare smiles it does make him happy. if light is just in one of those moods he might tease you a little to try and make you lose your composure by kissing or touching you unexpectedly. and while you do have a hell of a poker face, he loves seeing the color gradually stain your cheeks.
l lawliet
ᰔᩚ l obviously isn’t that sociable and finds it difficult to talk to people, and having a partner is new to him. sometimes it can be a little overwhelming, so he’s glad you never push him to talk to you too much and you aren’t super dependent.
~ he does find you mildly intimidating sometimes- your sense of sarcasm has sent more than a few people home in tears
~ the only thing is that sometimes when the two of you are alone, l mistakes the silence for tension. your body language and facial expression are just really cold and uninviting sometimes (though of course you don’t mean it). so he’ll ask out of the blue if you’re alright or if you need anything.
near
𓆩 ♡ 𓆪 i don’t think near would mind your personality at all. he’s probably the most similar to you out of all of the guys mentioned here. anyway, he’s very focused on his work, so having a low-maintenance s/o is good for him. don’t get me wrong though, near still treats you right when you need to be :D
~ one day, though, experimentally, i think near would randomly put a strand of hair on top of your head when you sit next to each other. just to see how you’d react. chances are he’d get little to no reaction, and just for fun, he’d do these little things to see if you would acknowledge them. although you’re hard to crack, he’d get a noticeable reaction whenever he touched you or told you sweet things like “i love you” or “you’re beautiful/handsome.” so he’d definitely start doing that type of stuff more.
mello
♡ ̆̈ okay ngl i feel like an emotionless, stony s/o wouldn’t go well with mello. he’s already got a ton of shit going on in his life, so coming back to a completely blank face and no warm greeting from you might not be the best. mello really needs some sort of tranquilizer, someone who balances his storm with the sun. you definitely wouldn’t be that😭 i can see him possibly getting aggressive when you don’t react to something the way he wants you to. he’s just so angry and you’re stony and unreadable. it would make mello mad that you aren’t as fiery as he is about the things he’s passionate about, and you would probably grow tired quickly of the aggression. you’re the type to just one day walk out and not tell him anything. you’re both a problem here ☠️
matt
‹𝟹 matt is the total opposite of you- outgoing, funny, mischievous. that said, it’s in his nature to want to try and melt the wall of ice that seems to surround you constantly.
~ he’s constantly making corny jokes and using cheesy pick-up lines on you simply to get a reaction. matt also takes advantage of the fact that you’re his s/o and teases you way too much with the touching, kissing you randomly on the lips or neck or pulling you down onto his lap. he rarely gets a big reaction from you (unless you’re in bed 😀) but matt always notices when your breathing speeds up and the barely audible moans that escape your lips.
~ he’s also kinda like that one sibling who walks into your room just to throw something at you and walk out like nothing happened. matt loves to randomly put his clothes on your head, like even if it’s just some random sweater he’ll just drop it on your head to see you swipe it off and cast him a resentful look. sometimes though, even with his stupid jokes, he’ll earn a smile from you here and there, which never fail to make his day.
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saintsenara · 3 days
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I’m curious why you loathe the implication that wizards are immune to muggle diseases. Is it because it reinforces the idea that they aren’t really the same species as muggles?
thank you very much for the ask, @urupotter!
and the answer is - yes, pretty much.
how the body is understood, how illness and disability are thought about, how the medical system works etc. are all questions that i am primed to obsess over in any piece of media - even when they're not actually significant parts of the story.
which is to say, i completely understand the reason why the harry potter series treats these topics in the way it does. magical medicine isn't one of the themes the story is designed to focus on - which means that its purpose is as incidental worldbuilding detail which reinforces the whimsical vibe of the earlier books and the darker vibe of the later ones, and which means that its treatment in the text makes sense within the setting and genre conventions of canon. harry being able to take a bludger - a cast-iron cannonball moving at speed - to the head and living to tell the tale is the same as john wick being able to fall from a great height, land on his back, and then get up and walk around: he's an action hero in a fantasy.
and so wizards being more physically durable than muggles - and also wizards having their own magical diseases, and being immune to muggle ones - all makes sense within the context of the books as literature. kids don't want to read about harry having a cold. they want to read about him being a wizard.
but when i'm deciding to enjoy myself by taking the question of just how fucked-up wizarding society is much more seriously than canon does... the implication that wizards are immune to muggle diseases and that they are broadly unaffected by physical trauma unless that trauma has a magical cause really bothers me. entirely - as you say - because it directly undermines the series' thesis that the purity of magical blood is irrelevant and that the wizarding world's dehumanisation of muggles and muggleborns by treating them as, essentially, separate, lower species is wrong.
the main canon example of this which i detest is dumbledore's suggestion in half-blood prince that merope gaunt could have survived childbirth if she'd simply "raised her wand to save her own life". after all, if a little bit of magic makes one immune to experiencing complications during childbirth [unlike thousands upon thousands of muggles throughout history, who would probably have very much liked to have lived to see their children grow up]... then voldemort is completely justified in thinking merope's death was a selfish, shameful, deliberate choice.
[i do understand that the idea merope chose to die is primarily included in the text so dumbledore can segue into saying that lily "had a choice too", contributing to the gradual reveal in half-blood prince and deathly hallows that she's the key to the whole mystery. but i still think that jkr could maybe have though a little bit harder about what she was suggesting with this than she evidently did...]
and so i think in fandom it's both fun and important not to accept the idea that wizards are automatically resistant to anything which might kill, injure, or disable a muggle - especially because it lets us really play with some of the big worldbuilding questions surrounding the conventions and institutions of wizarding society.
what do disability rights look like in a world which is so rabidly intolerant of difference, and which appears not to have any sort of welfare state? the nhs is a recent invention, created in a muggle britain which is culturally and institutionally separate from the wizarding one: so is treatment at st mungo's free - and, if not, what happens to those who can't pay? how is queerness understood in a society which appears to have views on sexual expression which are fairly conservative - and how does this mean the wizarding state responded to the aids crisis? what do reproductive rights look like in this kind of society? if the dementor's kiss results in - essentially - a vegetative state, what is done with the people the kiss has been performed on? what might it be like for your relative to develop dementia at 100... when you know they might live to 250? what impact do biases about blood status have on how muggleborn patients are treated?
i just think it's interesting!
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momentinparadise · 1 year
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Ted Lasso / Julie Andrews
I have so much to say about the episode #3 of Ted Lasso, but I really want to focus on the scene where they discuss their favorite Julie Andrews characters because Julie Andrews is my FIRST LOVE and it all seemed so significant.
So please, come along on this crazy ride with me:
Roy / Maria (Sound of Music): Something that is very symbolic to me is that both Roy and Maria had to take on responsibility and independence at a very young age. Roy playing football away from home and Maria at the convent - both had to grow up quickly, which gave them a strong sense of duty and responsibility. Additionally, both characters have a strong desire for family and connection.
Despite Roy's attempts to appear stoic, he has an extremely loving side to him, and I think he identifies a lot with Captain von Trapp too. Like Roy, Captain von Trapp is also initially depicted as a stern and unyielding character. However, as the story unfolds, we see his softer side emerge as he connects with Maria and his children in new and meaningful ways. This mirrors Roy's journey throughout the show, where we see him gradually open up and become more vulnerable with those around him.
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Coach Beard / Eliza Doolittle (My Fair Lady): A character that is clearly rooted in the lower-class, marginalised portion of British society speaks volumes about Coach Beard's own underground personality. Eliza is a character who defies the expectations placed upon her by society, using her wit and resourcefulness to transcend her lower-class origins and gain acceptance in high society. This resilience and determination are qualities that Coach Beard likely admires, as he himself is known for his unconventional and creative approach to coaching. Additionally, Eliza's story highlights the importance of education and personal growth, as she transforms from a rough and unpolished street vendor to a refined and sophisticated lady. This is something we see every episode with Beard: he is always engrossed in a book, always improving his knowledge.
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Trent Crimm / Queen Clarisse Renaldi (Princess Diaries): Fits him so well! The character's level of sophistication and elegance aligns well with Trent's own refined ways. And both Queen Clarisse and Trent show a willingness to make sacrifices for their beliefs: Queen Clarisse is willing to renounce her position as queen if it means allowing her granddaughter to marry for love, while Trent is willing to sacrifice his job and reputation to stand up for what he believes in. When he is fired from The Independent for revealing his source (Trent admits that he was the one who ratted himself out) it reflects the same values of breaking with tradition and challenging the status quo that are embodied by the Queen.
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Ted / Higgins / Mary Poppins: For Higgins the character of Mary Poppins may represent a loving, nurturing figure who helps guide and care for the children in her charge. This may reflect Higgins' own values as a family man, and the ability to provide a sense of warmth and security to those around him.
But for Ted, the choice of Mary Poppins may have a more personal and emotional significance.
As a coach, Ted is often in a position of leadership and guidance, and he may see himself as a paternal figure to his team. The character of Mary Poppins may represent a sort of idealized father figure to Ted, one who is wise, compassionate, and always there to provide guidance and support.
BUT
I tell you, my friends, there is not the case.
Because Mary Poppins is not about the nanny.
IS ABOUT THE FATHER.
When Mary Poppins arrives at the Banks family's home, she finds a gap between the children and their father. He is always at work and worries too much, while the children crave attention, love, and a sense of family. Although the mother is present and is loving towards the children, she is often silenced by the father, despite being a suffragist 😂 .
So, the real transformation really occurs with George Banks. His character serves as a commentary on the pressures of societal expectations. However, through the magical intervention of Mary Poppins, he is able to find a new balance between his work and his family, ultimately leading to a happier and more fulfilling life.
I wonder if this is not something Ted wishes had happened with him, in some level.
And let's not forget that P. L. Travers wrote Mary Poppins based on her own father. In the 2013 biographical film "Saving Mr. Banks", several scenes depict Travers' difficult childhood. Travers idolized her loving and imaginative father, Travers Robert Goff, but his chronic alcoholism resulted in his repeated dismissals, strained her parents' marriage, and caused her distressed mother to attempt suicide. Travers' father died of tuberculosis when she was seven years old.
I mean.
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literary-illuminati · 7 months
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Book Review 48 – Legends and Lattes by Travis Baldree
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I will be honest, I read this book because it was nominated for a Hugo award and I have a mildly masochistic personal commitment to read every nominee I can (and so remain at least slightly aware of the genre at large). Otherwise, I’m quite certain I never would have touched it – everything about the pitch and marketing made it seem like something I would hate. I’ll try to be fair and approach the book on its own terms but, well it wasn’t exactly painful I wouldn’t say my initial impression was wrong either.
The book follows Viv, an orcish adventurer in a generic D&D fantasy sort of world, as she decides to retire from the dungeon-delving/monster-slaying game with her last big score – a magical stone that, when buried, is supposed to bring ‘the ring of fortune’ to whatever you do above it. She opens the city’s first and only coffee shop. The book follows her collecting a cast of lovable misfit friends/employees (Calamity the hobgoblin carpenter, Tandri the succubus barista/eventual love interest, Thimble the ratfolk baking savant, a bard whose name I’m blanking on, Amity the dire shop cat/security) as they run the business and develop it into what by complete coincidence will end up looking very familiar to the a cute quirky modern indie coffeeshop. There is theoretically some conflict happening, first with the local mob boss and then with one of Viv’s old adventuring companions, but they both feel pretty perfunctory and like they’re only included out of a sense of obligation.
The actual meat of the book is basically focused on Viv instantly becoming fast friends with all her employees/coworkers and how endearing they are, and also the step-by-step of the coffeeshop's development. First in renovating the property into her vision, then in the branding and marketing, and then the gradual addition of menu items and live music. Through it all Viv and Tandri have a developing romance that (rather appropriately) feels like a coffeeshop AU fanfic where the author decided the slowburn tag meant ‘every other character will just assume they’re already dating by the halfway point but they’ll act like flustered teenagers and refuse to actually discuss their feelings until they kiss on the literal last page’.
So, the book is ‘cozy fantasy’ which as far as I’m aware does basically means ‘no tension slice of life fanfic but with original characters’ (alternatively, ‘2000s ‘cute girls doing cute things’ anime but with a moderately more diverse cast and in sf/f book form’). The only other books in the genre I’ve read are Becky Chambers’ stuff which, while I didn’t particularly love them, I now feel I was being way too harsh on. Those have legitimately impressive worldbuilding and coherent themes and at least gestures at real compelling character arcs and dilemmas. This, well, what you see is what you get? Like, there’s zero false marketing, the entire book is entirely dedicated to hitting the exact broad emotional beats you would expect it to. There’s not really any interest in the world beyond the cafe, it is in fact a plot point that Viv attracts a found family she clicks perfectly with and their relationships are all uniformly positive, and there is exactly one point where she suffers any sort of real reversal – which lasts for about five pages before everyone comes together and rebuilds things even better than ever. There is a wizened gnome whose clearly living time backwards who takes the time to pat Viv on the should and reassure her that everything turns out alright, in about as many words. There's clearly a market for this, and I am not it.
Morality in the book is basically synonymous with niceness. If someone is friendly or at least polite to Viv then even if they seem like an obvious problem in the end they’ll turn out to have their heart in the right place and only want the best – as, for example, the local crime boss proves to be a nice old lady who accepts an order of cinnamon buns every week as ‘protection money’ and donates several shipments of materials to rebuilding the place without any expectation of payment or stake in return. The only two characters in the book who are rude assholes to someone in the cafe are also coincidentally the only real villains there are.
All of this is stuff that on some level I more or less expected opening into the book. The thing that actually disappointed me is that this fluffy book about opening a coffee shop doesn’t actually care about coffee. If you’re going to make it the centrepiece of your whole book, I expect some exultation and appreciation of the stuff! Give me self-indulgent passages going into detail about the smell and taste and smell and experience of it. Make me put down the thing actually craving a latte!
But the book’s mostly interested in the, like, trappings and signifiers associated with a cafe, not (despite Viv’s theoretical obsession with it) the actual coffee. This feels like a point that generalizes. (There actually is a decent amount of detail spent on the baked goods their genius baker invents, which just makes the lack feel stranger.)
As an aside, and I know this is very clearly not a book that expects you to care about the worldbuilding, but it’s kind of strange that coffee is presented as this new exotic novelty to a vaguely European fantasy metropolis that is explicitly already familiar and comfortable with tea? Like obviously the historical analogues aren’t worth getting into – Viv is creating a cute neighberhood coffeehouse by a college campus, no a 17th century Venetian cafe – but it’s not the first place I’ve seen the same portrayal of the two drinks and it’s, odd? Like it’s not like tea is any less foreign to Europe, or arrived particularly earlier.
But anyway, yeah, didn’t enjoy this but can’t say I was misled. It is in fact a book that you can entirely judge by its cover and not be surprised one bit.
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hanniluvi · 10 months
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LOVING YOU FROM A DISTANCE — TEASER.
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S ☆ — Heeseung has liked you for ages, too long for him to even recall how. Sure, he should be confessing now, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t, especially if you have a boyfriend. So how is he going to tell you his feelings in only a span of a year before he leaves?
2 LOVERS? — best-friend!heeseung x best-friend!fem!reader
GENRE — high school au, bsfs to lovers to ???, he fell first, she fell harder (+ sort of right person, wrong time), angst, fluff
WARNINGS — some curse words possibly, insecurities (abt looks, way they act, etc), some ppl might act shitty .. (will add more if any in actual post for the fic)
FEATURING — beomgyu from txt, sunghoon from enhypen, yoon from stayc
SOPH — since lyfad had the most votes in the poll, here is the long fic that i will be working on 😊 hope you guys think you made a good choice on picking this!! enjoy this little snippet 🤭 + thank u sona fans (or u guys) for picking one on sonas poll, as promised, here is the teaser <3
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"Dang, you're good. Never knew you could play," you exclaimed as he finished playing the guitar.
Heeseung smiled and put the guitar down beside him. "You know me, always good at everything, but I don't mean to boast," he said. “You really don't know your best friend, do you?"
"Seriously, you're good at everything. It's hard to keep up with you," you joked, thinking about all the skills he possessed. "I wish I could play like you."
"It's not that difficult to learn. You're a quick learner," he reassured.
Eagerly, you suggested, "Could you teach me?"
"Sure, why not?" he agreed with a smile.
Excited about the opportunity to learn from Heeseung, you both decided to take some time for a quick guitar lesson. You sat right beside him, preparing to learn a few tips.
"Alright, let's start with the basics," Heeseung said, holding the guitar and showing you how to hold it properly. He hands you his guitar, allowing you to copy what he did.
You watched attentively, eager to learn everything you can. "Like this?" you asked, mimicking his hand position.
“Exactly, just position that slightly a bit more towards this way,” he scoots closer to you, propping the item correctly in your hand. “You’re doing great!”
"Now, let's learn how to strum the strings." He demonstrated a gentle strumming motion. "Try it yourself." He hands you the pick, watching over you as you try it out.
You nervously held the guitar and attempted to replicate his strumming. The sound was a bit off, but you kept trying.
Heeseung smiled reassuringly. "You’re doing great! Perfect for a first timer."
He patiently taught you the chords, giving you encouragement and guidance that you needed. Even if you fumbled a bit, you gradually started improving the sounds. "Wow, that sounds much better now," you exclaimed, surprised by your progress.
Heeseung chuckled. "See? You're a fast learner. Just keep practicing, and you'll be playing like a pro in no time."
"I just have to teach you a few more basic chords before I can teach you a song," Heeseung said, reaching over to take the guitar from your hands. However, before he could proceed, the door swung open, revealing Beomgyu. He greeted you both with a warm smile.
"You know," Beomgyu chimed in cheerfully, "if you really wanted to learn guitar, you should've asked me." He plopped down beside you, extending a hand towards Heeseung. "Hand me that guitar, Hee."
You exchanged surprised glances, amazed by the unexpected turn of events. Handing the guitar over to Beomgyu, you watched as he effortlessly adjusted his posture and strummed a few chords.
"I've been playing for a while now," Beomgyu continued, "and I'd love to share what I've learned with you."
"You know how to play guitar too?" you asked Beomgyu in surprise.
"Of course I do. Your boyfriend knows a thing or two," Beomgyu replied cheesily, earning a giggle from you. As the playful banter continued, Heeseung couldn't help but feel a twinge of discomfort, sensing himself becoming the third wheel. However, it wasn't an entirely unfamiliar situation.
Gradually distancing himself from the two of you, Heeseung settled into a corner, observing your interaction. He wore a gentle smile, occasionally chuckling at your playful mistakes and Beomgyu's teasing scolds.
In that moment, Heeseung couldn't deny the bittersweet longing within him. He wished he could be more than just your best friend, wishing for something more.
In the corner, Heeseung's heart felt conflicted as he watched your interaction with Beomgyu. Part of him wished he could be the one making you laugh and sharing those playful moments together. He couldn't help but wonder what it would be like if he were the one holding the guitar, strumming strings that would make your heart skip a beat.
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ENHA PERM TAGLIST — @flwoie @ixomiyu @yenavrse @shinsou-rii @bearseulgs @ilovewonyo @yenqa @dimplewonie @bubblytaetae @wtfhyuck @ineedaherosavemeenow @starcubes @starikizs @wonioml @chirokookie @xiaoderrrr @neozon3nha @en-chantedtomeetyou @millksea @enhaz1 @eundiarys @woon2u @ja4hyvn @judeduartewannabe @j-wyoung @thia-aep @vampcharxter @softpia @officiallyjaehyuns @itsactuallylina @hsheart @sweetjaemss @ahnneyong @hanienie @jwnghyuns @kpoplover718 @jiawji @rikizm @haknom @yeokii @wvnkoi @tnyhees @teddywonss @shinunoga-iie-wa @flwrshee
LYFAD TAGLIST — @misoxhappy @vizstars @junzwrld @whippedforbeomgyu @rikisly
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