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#and i shouldn't force myself to be happy with this
fairyroses · 2 years
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— SMALLVILLE, “Pilot” (1.01)
+ bonus
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qumiiiquinnquin · 5 months
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i am genuinely so fucking tired being expected to know when you want me to stop talking to you and just leave instead of you directly telling me. you never fucking tell me. im supposed to pick that up on my own and i cant until you start saying shit like "im tired" or sighing heavily when you think im done or you just sit there on your laptop or phone no longer acknowledging me, waiting for me to leave. you wont even look at me. always as soon as i leave i hear it - you immediately hitting unpause or putting in your headphones and sometimes even going into voice chats to talk to other people. i wonder if you've noticed that ive picked up on when you're evidently tired of me talking that i just cut myself off and walk out. or i wonder if you're grateful that i finally put that brake on myself and leave you alone. im tired of being ignored and just talking to a wall. im tired of half-hearted acknowledgment to what im saying when you aren't actually bothering to listen. im tired of having to just leave when i realize itd be convenient for you because you're bored with my company. and its not just you - everyone in this fucking house, this entire family, does it.
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asteralien · 2 months
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trying to articulate that while i do want to be more mentally healthy and more stable, i am not a woo woo uwu humanity is basically good <3 i love living life and romanticizing every little thing <3 if depressed people would only try to see beauty in a plastic bag they would no longer be depressed <3 kind of person and i don't see why i should have to be in order to Not Be Depressed. this is literally high school all over again
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mountain-lion-gremlin · 2 months
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so after some contemplation (and a nice, very warm shower - along with decompressing by watching some Laat Week Tonight lol) I've decided that it's probably best for me to stop overthinking and letting myself fall into a mental spiral from the whole situation.
Because I was.... heavily unregulated and sort of unreasonable over the whole thing. I have incredibly bad anxiety, and it got to the point where I was imagining that he was forced to do things (such as change his discord settings and stop talking to me) when in truth that is highly unlikely.
I cannot put it aby better than I was spiraling, and needed to find stability.
Like how the hell am I supposed to know? How am I supposed to know what's happening? It doesn't help me to be so attached and so incredibly worked up from everything I notice and see. I felt like I was being almost downright creepy. I was driving myself into a very bad mental state, and i need to step back.
Stop being so incredibly attached to something I simply do not have control over.
So, obviously i will continue to be here and wait for when he returns. But I need to detach from this idea that i actually know him and his whole life, down to everything happening in his everyday life and that this is incredibly "abnormal". I simply need a break from this, it's too much mental strain on me and probably even him.
I sent a message asking if he was okay, and that's all i can do. Spiraling out of control won't help me or him at all.
#so yeah that's just something I've had to work out with myself#I let myself become incredibly vulnerable that I forgot that I come first#not him really :/#if he isn't texting me I can't force him to do so. He has his own autonomy.#Being in a relationship is HARD#I had no idea this kind of shit was lying underneath the surface 💀💀💀#Like when i really think about it i have never had someone i could fully open up to in my life#so having someone like that made me incredibly attached#so this has been quite a rough time for me learning things I've known but haven't quite realizes#(low key imagined my own worries being one of my friends and they were asking me for advice. Best thing I have ever done ✨️)#thank you to those who reached out with your kindness. Sometimes I use this page to vent (my poor notes app LMAO)#and it really touches me when someone reaches out ♡#Regardless#I'm just trying my best here. Trying to understand what healthy relationship boundaries are and work through it all#You know... it just makes me think about all of the examples of love I've been shown in my life#and i feel like they are trying work into my relationships too#like BITCH#NO#I'm trying to be happy not stressed#and I think what really brought me to start working through why is because a relationship shouldn't bring you to your knees#crying over them and what's happening#I love him to death but DAMN#this isn't healthy#this feels like something everyone assumes but others just don't get#like my dumbass#this was incredibly stressful but it was an important lesson to learn#my poor tags 💀#anyways thank you for reading my relationship Ted talk B)#bye#human override.txt
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milfbro · 2 years
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highest compliment I ever got was when a girl I'm family friends with (who lost her eyesight years ago) told me I was the most disabled non-disabled person she knew
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new-lorien-artist · 2 years
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Very tempting to just drop the whole 13yearsoflorien project, quit art and writing for like a couple years, get into the daily grind of work, exercise, eat and sleep, then hop back on LL Tumblr only to depress myself because everything I ever knew is gone now
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neverendingford · 7 months
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#got to walk someone through the tingly numb twitching face stress panic attack experience last night.#christianity goes on a lot about how your pain and suffering is meant to help other people. and yeah you shouldn't be reductionist like that#don't turn someone's present current pain into an object lesson for years down the road. that's absolutely not helpful in the moment#but it can help process the pain in retrospect.#I was able to talk about my experiences forcing myself to speak in front of the class in my college spanish class#and about how I would leave the class and wander the 9pm parking lots for hours to calm down my face muscles#was able to explain how even if you can't put words to the stress. it's still real.#about how even if you don't even feel bothered by it right now. stress still affects you.#how psychosomatic isn't a way to blow off someone's ailments but rather a way to understand how intangible stressors still affect us#being able to explain to an eighteen year old that he's not alone because he's feeling what I did when I was eighteen.#my pain did not have a meaning when it happened. my pain was not caused for someone else's benefit#but I can choose to use my experience to help others after the fact. I can look back and choose to turn that pain into something else#if someone is hurting. do not give their pain away to someone else years from now. use your experience to connect with them.#being able to say “I think I know what you are feeling because it sounds like my experience as well” is a way to say “you are not alone”#to hear someone screaming into a pillow and talking with people that do not exist and say “I have done the same thing.”#sure you might be crazy. but you're not alone. sure you might be out of your mind but I know what it's like#I know what it's like to almost lose hold of reality like a kite on a windy day.#idk. it's beautiful and makes me happy.
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redysetdare · 24 days
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I'll never understand why people assume that something being a phase is a bad thing, especially when it comes to identity. because the thing is that our lives are made up of phases - they always have and always will. nothing, and i mean nothing, stay's completely the same forever. it's always changing ever so slightly - we are always changing ever so slightly.
We grew up in phases. We would grow up and maybe we liked robots as a kid but then as we grew up we instead decided dinosaurs were cooler - you didn't see people getting up in arms about how a kid liking something was just a phase and why that made their experience with that interest invalid.
We grow up choosing random jobs that we think would be cool as a kid but then as we get older we tend to choose something completely different - no one ever shut down those dream jobs for kids because it's understood that changing your mind isn't a bad thing. It's not bad to say "i want to be an astronaut" and then change that later. No one makes a big deal about "how do you know you actually want to be an astronaut, though?" because that's seen as a silly question to be asking.
it shouldn't be any different for identity. "How do you know you're aromantic?" how do you know you're straight? how do you know you won't change your mind later and realize something about yourself as you grow as a person?
sure, i'm aroace now. That may stay the same it may not. I'm a human being who grows and changes just like you are. Just like we all are. that's the whole point, isn't it? to grow and change?
So what if being aro or ace is a phase. The experience isn't any less valid. it still helped build me as a person. my life was richer because of it, even if it was temporary. I'd rather grow as a person and be happy than feel miserable because I forced myself into stagnation.
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pinkanonwrites · 1 year
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As Our Fingers Entwine
The end of the trilogy!!! I hope you all enjoy, both newcomers and those who have been eagerly anticipating this piece! It is in fact NSFW, appropriate tags below. Read it on AO3 here!
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TRIGUN STAMPEDE EPISODE 7 SPOILERS IN FIC BELOW!
Vash/Reader, 6,000+ Words, AFAB Reader but no specific pronouns used, mutual pining, body worship, frottage, vaginal sex, alien biology, praise kink, enthusiastic consent, begging
You couldn't say for certain why the ambience of the peaceful town didn't lull you to sleep the same way the rattling underbelly of the Sand Steamer seemed to, but you had a distinct feeling it was because you weren't right next to Vash.
You'd never admit it aloud, mainly for fear of revealing your painfully obvious affections for your blond companion, but nowadays you always slept better with Vash by your side. And as happy as Vash seemed to have a room to himself and time to catch his breath, a selfish little part of you had hoped he'd be cheap again, crowd the two of you into a single room to save a few double dollars. The last time you truly got to sleep side-by-side with him was a few bumpy hours on the Sand Steamer, before the incident with the Bad Lads and the shootout and the, well, the entire steamer nearly catastrophically crashing to pieces. There wasn't much sleeping on the bus ride into town either, no matter how exhausted the both of you were. 
And yet, when you collapsed face-first into the surprisingly comfy hotel bed, you found yourself agonizingly conscious. Somehow, a simple wall in between you and Vash was enough to keep you from getting a good night's sleep. Just when did you become so dependent? Now three nights have passed, each one spent tossing and turning, unable to get more than a few blissful moments of shuteye. It wasn't like you were scared, or even stressed! Your body had just acclimated to the idea of sleeping curled up next to Vash, and now without him…
"Hey, anybody home in there?"
"...Hmm? Oh! Oh, yeah, I'm listening." You hadn't realized you'd started to doze off at the diner table over your supper until Vash leaned over and snapped his fingers in front of your face. You jolted up, grabbing a wedge of your sandwich and jamming it quickly into your mouth as he gave you a soft and sympathetic smile, his salmon sandwich basically finished and his free hand twiddling a stray french fry back and forth across the plate. Ah, he must have been waiting for you.
"You're a little out of it today. Everything alright?"
You waved him off, taking a swig of water to force down the mouthful of bread and various fillings. "It's fine! Just not sleeping well, it's no big deal."
Your response didn't seem to soothe Vash's worries at all, as his little smile fell into a frown. "That's no good. Is everything alright? You don't feel unsafe or anything, do you?"
"Nonono, nothing like that, really!" His concern really shouldn't have been enough to fluster you, Vash would have been worried for just about anyone who looked as worn-out as you did. But it still hit a soft little spot in you, something eternally sensitive to Vash's care and attention that you had to do your absolute best to stifle basically every moment of every day. "It's just too quiet, you know? I'm not used to having a room to myself anymore, heh. Pretty silly, isn't it?"
Judging by the soft and further  furrowing of Vash's brow, your  placations did nothing to assuage his concern. "Is there anything I can do? To help, I mean."
Stay. Stay with me, always.
Yeah, right. Like you could actually say that out loud. You sunk further into your seat, feeling a bit like an insect under a magnifying glass in the face of his consideration. It felt as if one wrong word or move would suddenly and jarringly expose the affections you held for him that seemed so glaringly obvious at all times, always.
"I dunno. It's not a big deal, anyway. We don't have to worry about it."
He seemed to sense your own discomfort with the subject matter, and leaned gently back in his seat. "I saw there was a tailor in this town! If you want you can come with me tomorrow, maybe get that tear in your cloak patched up?"
You thumbed the rugged fabric edge in your hand, almost not wanting to. Vash had patched it for you last time, and though the job was a touch on the rough side you didn't exactly like the idea of someone undoing his heartfelt, albeit clumsy, stitchwork. But shopping with Vash? That definitely sounded like how you wanted to spend your afternoon.
"Yeah, that'd be nice. Anywhere you wanna stop by?"
"Might pick up some ammo, but not much besides that!"
And you were certain that would be the end of it. Even after thumbing out a few double-dollars to pay for dinner, opening the diner door for you with a cartoonish bow, and chatting idly as the two of you made your way back towards the hotel, Vash didn’t broach the subject again. By the time you’d made it to the door of your room you were certain he’d forgotten about it. But just as you were about to wish him goodnight and slip through the crack of the doorway his hand came to rest upon the door handle, that familiar soft expression of concern sneaking back up across his face.
“If you wanted… I could stay until you fall asleep?" There was a distinct shyness about it, like he was genuinely afraid of what your reaction may be. "Just to see if it would help?" 
You blinked at him once, twice, needing a moment to process the words he was saying before it actually clicked in your mind. Face growing hot, you prayed your expression didn't fully give away your embarrassment as an image wormed itself into your brain, an image of yourself in Vash's arms, his lips resting on the jut of your collarbone peeking from the hem of your shirt, of warm hands on the soft dip of your hips climbing higher, and higher…
Seeming to take your extended silence as rejection, or worse, disgust, Vash began to frantically backpedal, hand flying from the doorknob to tangle in the soft hair at the base of his neck. "You can say no! I just wanted to offer. Maybe that was a little weird, huh? Sorry, you can forget about it.”
But you didn't want to forget. Forgetting meant a return to… To whatever you and Vash were before that first night you woke up and saw him gazing at the stars. Forgetting meant pulling away again, faking a smile, pretending there was nothing there when you so desperately wanted there to be. Forgetting meant not acknowledging that he kept offering his hand to you, and that out of your own foolish anxieties you kept drawing away. 
And yeah, maybe things could still go catastrophically wrong. But wasn't that what you loved about Vash in the first place? How the entire world could fall apart around him and he'd still get up again, offer you a smile and put his best foot forward? 
You loved him. You loved him. And you were fucking sick of pretending you didn't. Your fingertips had closed around the fabric of his sleeve before you could second-guess yourself. 
"Stay with me."
And oh, oh, if the expression that crawled its way up Vash's face wasn't worth any and every possible humiliation, rejection, or vague discomfort. Red bloomed up from his collar, creeping up his neck into his cheeks and the tops of his ears. He blinked twice behind his oversized lenses, gaze flicking from your face to where you'd gripped his sleeve and back again a few times over. A thin, wobbly smile snuck across his lips, making his relief obvious despite his conscious efforts to hide it. A peek of sharp canines glinted from the gap as he shot you a crooked, sheepish grin, despite being nearly as red in the face as his signature coat.
"Y-Yeah!" He winced at the way his own voice cracked, oblivious to just how endearing you found it. "Yeah, heh, no problem! Let me, let me get my… I'll be right back. Five minutes? Give me five minutes, pinkie promise."
He even interlocked his pinkie with your own, a small, familiar laugh sneaking out before he slipped, momentarily, from your grasp. You watched as he stumbled down the hall to his own room, fumbled the door handle once, twice, banging his body into the wooden frame before managing to get it open, never once taking his eyes off you until the door slipped closed. Cute.
You stepped into your own room, clicking on the bedside lamp and flooding it in a warm, yellowed glow. Shedding your day clothes as quickly as possible, you kicked them into a heap in the corner and scrambled into your pajamas, taking a seat on the edge of the bed. Without Vash's buzzing, eager energy at your side you had just enough time before he returned to briefly feel incredibly embarrassed at your show of need, face growing hot as you replayed the little scene over and over in your mind. Your hand around his sleeve, his expressions, your choice of words… God, you were so obvious. Had he really not picked up on it at all? But he seemed so eager, as eager as you were at the very least. Maybe he wasn't the only one who had been a little oblivious lately.
True to his word, it couldn't have been more than five minutes before you heard a soft knock on the door to your room. Standing on the other side was Vash, not clad in his signature red jacket but rather his familiar, beige pajamas. The worn out shirt hung loose around the collar with the sleeves draping just long enough to cover half of his hands, the loose elastic of the sweatpants held tight with an old, white drawstring. His hair was floppy and now shower-damp, hanging partially in his face as he gave you that so soft, so sweet little smile.
"You look comfy." He said, voice as soft as his grin.
"I could say the same for you." You responded, cracking a similar smile. Stepping to the side you let him join you in your room, door closing with a soft click as a palpable air of… something simmered between you two. Tension? Nervousness? It felt like a melting pot of just about everything you had or could feel when it came to Vash. He stood awkwardly in the center of the room as you flitted around him towards the bed.
"You should probably get some rest, huh? I'll just grab a seat at…" He gestured vaguely towards one of the two chairs set at the table by the window, words dropping from his lips as he watched you pat the open space in the bed next to you. He blinked again, face flushing pink once more.
"...Only if you want to." You added softly. He visibly swallowed, nodding so gently you could have almost missed it, and set his glasses on the nightstand with a soft clack. Carefully, hesitantly, he pulled back the covers and let himself into the bed beside you, moving like he was afraid at any moment you were going to change your mind and ask him to leave. 
You would never. You wanted him beside you. At all times, always.
He clicked off the lamp, and the two of you were plunged into darkness. A single stream of moonlight filtered between the thin curtains, falling diagonally across the bedroom floor and providing just enough light for you to keep Vash's face in view. When the two of you shared a sleeping bag for the first time the closeness was a necessity, there was nowhere else for you to go in the tiny shared space. But even now, with the width of the bed slim but still far greater than a sleeping bag could provide, you couldn't help but press yourself close to him. As always he was warm, so warm, heat radiating under the thin covers to soothe you, a constant thrum of energy just beneath his skin even when he was relaxed and doe-eyed as he was with you right now, laying on his side mirroring you, unable to look away. 
In this moment you couldn't help but consider that Vash was more alive than you had ever been in your own lifetime, or that you ever would be. He was a walking enigma, incredibly powerful yet so gentle, capable of such inhuman feats but so intimately, painfully fragile. Maybe you'd never fully understand him the way you wanted to, maybe there would always be secrets he couldn't share or stories he wouldn't tell. But you didn't mind, not as long as he was yours and you were his.
"Hi." He murmured, breath hot against your lips, that small, sappy smile never leaving his own.
"Hi." You replied. "Is this… Is this okay?"
"Yes." There was a relief in his voice, a borderline reverence. His hand hovered, briefly, coming to rest on the small of your hip and sending a jolt of need crawling up your spine fast enough to give you a headrush. "Are we… okay?"
"Always."
He let out a low, shuddering breath, hand flexing around your hip. "I haven't… I want… I want…" His gaze flickered from your eyes to your lips and back again. He let out another breath, a short, warm huff as he hesitated, brow knit like even now he was afraid of the oncoming rejection, the inevitable hurt.
The two of you really had been completely oblivious, hadn't you?
You closed the gap yourself. Slowly, carefully, for no more than a few moments, you pressed your lips to his. He gasped when you did, a sharp, surprised inhale through his nose before his entire body seemed to melt into your several points of contact: your legs, his hand on your hip, your lips. You watched his eyes slide open again after you pulled away, crease in his brow receding as he blinked at you, almost owlishly.
"You kissed me." He murmured, that air of reverence returning to his voice.
"I did." You said it like it was the easiest thing in the world, and that's because it was.
"You'll… You'll always be in danger. You know that, right?"
"I do."
"We're always going to be moving. You wouldn't rather settle down somewhere nice?"
"Not if you're not there."
He sucked in another shaky breath, corners of his eyes growing glassy and wet. "It won't… It won't be easy. Being with me. It's hard."
"Vash." You cupped his face with your hand, forcing him to meet your gaze. "I promise you it's not. It's really not."
He positively beamed, knocking his forehead against yours as he burst into quiet giggles. "You're really amazing, you know? You're the most amazing person I've ever met."
"Shouldn't I be saying that to you?" Your own laughter joined his, and any hint of apprehension or concern Vash may have still held seemed to melt away in the face of your smile. "Now shush. Kiss me again."
He was clumsy, clearly overeager as he pressed his lips to yours once more. It started as another soft, fluttering thing, then a second, then a third, before you tipped your chin up and opened your mouth into the next kiss, inviting him to do the same. Fingers tangled in his soft hair, you pressed further into him, tasting honey and sunlight as you licked into his open mouth and he moaned against your lips. You didn't even realize he was moving you until you found yourself on your back, Vash's sturdy build boxing you in, knees framing your thighs as his teeth clicked wetly against yours and he groaned again at the feeling of your mouth moving against his. It was a messy, relief-stricken thing, like finding sweet, cool water after a day trekking across the open dunes. His still-flesh hand gripped your hip, fingertips indenting your soft skin, but his prosthetic hand cradled your cheek so gently, with such veneration it could have brought you to tears. There was a wet smack and a sharp gasp when he finally pulled away, like he was coming up for air. A single sticky strand of saliva still connected your lips, and as you swiped it off of his lower lip with a smile he gave you a sheepish grin in return.
"You gotta breathe through your nose, Vash."
"I know, I just…" He watches as you bring your thumb to your mouth, licking off the smear of spit there. He gulps, teeth worrying his lower lip. "...Just got a bit sidetracked, is all."
When he leaned back in a second time his target wasn't your lips, but the gentle slope of your neck. He placed a featherlight kiss upon you, relaxing when he heard your content hum and your fingers carded through the hairs at the base of his neck. Then he sucked a mark into the soft junction between your neck and exposed collarbone, teeth grazing and tongue lathing over the sensitive spot as you writhed beneath Vash's touch. His breath ghosted hotly over your neck, goosebumps prickling out across your skin as heat pooled low and eager in your stomach and you fisted one hand in the front of Vash's night shirt.
"Vash." You whined, and his low groan in response rumbled out against your already sensitive neck. "Vash." You moaned again, louder this time, needy but not completely sure what for. 
"Hmm?" His questioning hum was barely discernible from his soft, pleased groans, only the uptick at the end of the throaty sound cluing you in that Vash had even heard you at all. His lips rested on the curve of your jaw, thumb trailing back and forth across your cheekbone. You fisted the back of his shirt in one hand and tangled the other in his messy hair, whimpering at each barely-there kiss he left as he trailed his way up your jawbone to your ear. "You're so soft. So, so soft."
His lips brushed the shell of your ear and you couldn't help yourself, whining as your hips jerked up against his. His breath stuttered and he jolted back from you to blink with wide, shocked eyes. Immediately a hot flush of shame coursed through your body, searing behind your eyes and cheeks. Was he disappointed? Disgusted? 
"I'm so sorry." If you could shrink back and disappear you would, but it's not like there was anywhere for you to go. Vash's brow furrowed again for a moment before his eyes blew wide once more, immediately taking your face in both hands as gently as he could.
"No, no it's alright! There's nothing wrong you just- just surprised me a little! That's not bad! I just- Aw jeez." He pressed a kiss to your lips, then your nose, then your forehead. "Please don't cry. I promise I'm not upset or anything, so don't cry, okay?"
"I'm not gonna cry! I'm just… embarrassed." You mumbled between squished cheeks, eyes trained down and away from Vash's sympathetic smile.
“There’s no need to be.”
“I know that.” You whined, covering your eyes with the palm of your hand. You felt another fluttering kiss on the tip of your nose, and peeked through your fingers to find Vash beaming at you. There was a cautious apprehension behind his eyes now though, a similar fear to what you knew you were currently feeling.
“There is, uh, something I have to tell you though.” He fidgeted a little, not quite meeting your gaze. “It’s just that my body is kinda… Well, it’s a little… different? And I don’t want to freak you out or anything. But if you do freak out… That’s probably completely valid, I’ll be honest.”
“Vash, I’ve seen your scars before. You know I don’t mind, right?”
He winced a little, lower lip jutting out in a bit of a pout. “...That’s not what I’m talking about. It’s a… It’s a PLANT thing.”
“Oh.” As Vash sat back on your thighs you propped yourself up a bit to meet his gaze. “Well, that’s alright too. I won’t judge you for anything you can’t control, Vash.”
“Yeah but it’s… It’s pretty out there.”
“Try me.”
Vash opened his mouth, then shut it, then opened it, then shut it again, blush crawling its way up his cheeks with his fisted hands tucked into his lap. He twiddled his thumbs, worried his lower lip with his sharp teeth, and still failed to meet your gaze. 
"It's, uh, it's just that it's a bit… different. My, uh… y'know?"
You'd been pretty oblivious to Vash's affections for you, but that didn't mean you were stupid. The way his gaze flickered down and then back up again when he spoke? The way one hand fisted the fabric of his pants and the other remained firmly tucked between his thighs, not quite against his crotch but definitely blocking it from your view? You could at least put those puzzle pieces together.
You rubbed the top of his knee with your hand, and tension seemed to melt from his stance with your touch alone.
"Would you… be willing to show me?"
He grimaced a bit, continuing to nibble on his lower lip until you ran the thumb of your other hand across it, trying to soothe the reddened skin. "I just don't want to freak you out or anything, is all."
"You really think at this point there's anything you could do or say to freak me out?" You bumped your forehead against his, the same way he had for you just moments ago. "Hate to break it to you, but you're kind of stuck with me now." He barked out a laugh, saying nothing but finally meeting your gaze, so you continued. "I don't want you to feel like you have to make yourself uncomfortable for my sake, but I also don't want you to run away from me. You trust me, right?"
"I do."
"Then trust that I won't run away either. I promise. I just want you, Vash, that's all."
He sucked in a shuddering breath, nodding softly against you. "Yeah. I want you too." Looking up at you through his eyelashes, he flashed you a cartoonish pout. "Maybe if someone gave me another kiss I'd get a bit braver?"
"You dork." You giggled, cupping his face in your hands and kissing him breathless once more. He leaned into you again, mouth open and eager, finally letting his hands trail back up your body where you'd wanted them. "Wait, switch with me."
"Hrmm? Whoa!" You wrestled Vash to the side, rolling the two of you over until you were now the one straddling his hips, not the other way around. He blinked up at you, mouth agape and lips slightly slick as he took in your form in the pale moonlight. "Oh. I could get used to a view like this."
With a single, sudden twist upwards of your arms, you pulled off your shirt and let it fall somewhere off the side of the bed, baring your chest to him fully. Vash gasped, hands squeezing against your soft sides as his gaze raked over your form.
"This one too…" He murmured. Trailing your fingertips down the length of his chest, you fiddled with the hem at the bottom of his shirt, lifting a bit but not quite tugging.
"This okay?" 
He nodded, hands joining yours to help wrestle his shirt off over his head. Immediately you were upon him, a featherlight trail of lips and fingertips upon every inch of scarred skin, tracing the outline of the metal reinforcement over his left pectoral as gently as you could. Your thighs squeezed around his hips, the front of his loose pajama pants tented and straining where they met your clothed core. He was big, that much was obvious. Another roll of your hips, not accidental this time but intentional, left Vash gasping out a sharp, labored wheeze as his hips finally jerked forward against yours.
"Sensitive." He panted, shuddering helplessly as his hips stuttered forward again. "C-Careful, it's sensitive."
That sensitive, with several layers of clothes still between you? Now you were getting really curious. You rolled your hips again, friction sparking pleasure up your spine but it was nothing compared to the way Vash positively mewled, back arching and hips rutting erratically to meet you. A dark, damp spot was beginning to seep through the fabric at the tip. You cupped his clothed length with your hand as gently as you could. 'Sensitive.' You reminded yourself. But a bolt of surprise rocketed through you instead when you could swear that, just for a moment, you felt his cock squirm against you, pressing up into your hand without the aid of his hips.
"Please don't freak out." Vash wheezed. You squeezed his length again, pressing in firmly, but it was impossible to tell what writhing was from Vash squirming around and what came from, well, Vash squirming around.
"I'm not freaking out." You reassured him, and in all honesty you weren't. Were you surprised? Of course! But there wasn't really anything about Vash that could truly "freak you out" anymore, even this. You stroked his length through the fabric once more and watched that wet spot at the tip bloom farther and darker, Vash shivering like he'd just touched a live wire. "Is it okay to take these off? Only if you're okay with it."
You hooked a finger into the waistband and waited, Vash's gaze laser focused in on your hand. Slowly, carefully, he nodded. Fingers looped in the elastic of both his pajama pants and his boxers, you gave him plenty of time to change his mind as you tugged them down, Vash letting out a quiet, hitched gasp when his cock sprung free.
Well, Vash certainly wasn't lying about it being different. Arching upwards from between his legs was what you could only describe as a tentacle, thick base sprouting from slick folds at the apex of his thighs. It curled upwards towards his belly and tapered slim at the tip, beading semi-translucent liquid that dribbled down the length of the shaft. It wasn't the same shade as his skin; It was closer to a bluish-white, marked up the length with abstract patterning similar to the glyphs on the outside bulb of a PLANT. Vaguely you wondered if it was always out like this, or if it settled itself snugly within those wet, petal pink folds when he wasn't aroused. You had to think it did, if Vash was as sensitive as he made himself out to be, otherwise he'd be on the verge of cumming with each step he took.
On second thought, that wasn't a bad image either.
Vash gulped, squirming a bit under your gaze, knees pulling together but unable to close fully with your body in the way. "So, uh, you're not screaming. I'm gonna go ahead and take that as a good sign!" You smoothed a hand up the length of his thigh, pausing right at the junction of his hip, and his cock twitched towards you subconsciously like a writhing tendril. He seemed to shrink in on himself a little at this, shoulders pulling up towards his ears as he anticipated your reaction.
"Vash, God Vash… Do you even have any idea how pretty you are?" He had to know, you couldn't let him wake up tomorrow and just bumble around for the rest of his life not knowing. He was ethereal, scarred skin painted in hues of blush pink, cheeks burning, eyes soft and wide… He had to be a PLANT, because it just wasn't feasible for a normal human to be this achingly beautiful. "You're so, so pretty Vash."
"Oh." His breathing shuddered, hips twitching when you squeezed down on the fat of his thigh. 
"Sensitive, right? I'll be careful, just tell me if it's too much, okay?" Fingertips trailing off the junction of his hip, you finally, finally, closed your palm around his length. It was hot, slick to the touch everywhere you put your fingers on it, and you could swear for just a moment that those glyphs pulsed with a faint blue-white light as Vash whimpered. "This is okay?"
He nodded furiously, hands fisting the bed sheets as he all but gasped for air. "Good! It's good. I haven't, it's been a long time since I- ohhh please…" Another bead of thick, slippery pre-cum drooled from the tip, slicking your palm as you moved it so slowly up the length of his cock, squeezing slightly on the downstroke and making Vash's back go concave against the mattress as he moaned. Heat burned low in your core, and you wrestled a hand down the front of your pajama pants to stroke your own slick folds directly. You couldn't help but picture how the silky writhing of his cock would feel inside of your pussy, slick oozing around where your bodies would meet as it pushed upwards into your aching core…
"Me too…" Vash groaned, hand grabbing for the waistband of your pants as he struggled to sit up. "Lemme touch you too, please." You stumbled off the bed for only a moment, but it was still far enough to make Vash whine at your lack of contact. Slick from Vash's cock smeared across the fabric as you wrestled both the pants and your underwear onto the floor before crawling back into Vash's lap like you couldn't stand to be away from him for another moment. His hands found your hips the moment you were within reach, rubbing soothingly up and down the outer curve of your thighs as he stared down at you, eyes swirling with arousal and adoration.
"Beautiful." He murmured, pressing his lips once more against the curve of your neck. "Tell me what you like, tell me how I can make you feel good."
Hand around his wrist, you guided him to the dark patch of hair between your legs. His fingers crooked carefully, curiously, two fingertips swiping upwards through your wet folds and catching over your clit. He shuddered when you moaned, the very act of giving you pleasure seeming to do him the same. Finding your clit again, he rubbed over it with his fingertips in slow, almost soothing circles.
"That's good." You cooed, taking him in hand again. "You're so good for me, Vash, such a good boy."
"Yes!" He moaned, his metal hand coming around to grip your ass, urging you to roll your hips against his hand. "Yes, 'm good, I'm so good." Sharp teeth dragged over your collarbone, just hard enough to send a prickle of pleasure up your spine. As you began to rock your hips he pressed his hand further in, letting you grind your clit against the heel of his palm as he slid his middle finger into your entrance. The intrusion was slick, effortless, and you couldn't help but moan as he curled his finger against your soft, hot walls. You pumped him again, another thick glob of pre-cum dribbling over your fingers as his cock wriggled in your grasp. "You feel so good inside." He continued to babble, drooling against your neck as he whined and gasped. "Wanna… wanna feel you, so bad…"
"Yeah?" You purred, shifting your hips further up his. With how keyed up you were you doubted you'd even be able to last more than a thrust or two with Vash inside you, but still you wanted. Nudging his hand out from between your legs, you shifted your hips down to trap his cock in between your pussy and his tense stomach as you rolled your hips and let it slip messily back and forth between your folds. Vash positively howled, head tossed back against the pillows as his other hand came around to grip your ass as well.
"Yes! Yes, please, oh please wanna make you feel so good." Shifting your hips to align his tip with your entrance, he peppered wet kisses across your neck and up your cheek as you hovered over him. You tipped your head to catch his lips with your own, moaning into his eager mouth as you finally let him nudge into you. Euphoria crackled up your spine with each small movement, an almost unbearable heat between the two of you as he shifted you so gently down his slick cock. It was almost effortless the way he slid inside, your combined wetness leaving no room for pain around the incredible pleasure as he stuffed you full, coiling and massaging your walls as you finally found your thighs resting on his and your lungs gasping for air.
"Oh, oh Vash." He shuddered at the sound of your name leaving his lips, hips snapping forward and once again driving the breath out of you as white-hot pleasure exploded behind your eyelids.
"Sorry, 'm sorry, not gonna last. Gotta make you cum, fuck, please cum for me…" His chest pressed to yours and his face pressed into the curve of your jaw, his hips thrust forward again, and again, wriggling one hand in between your sweaty bodies to thumb eagerly at your clit, rolling the swollen bud beneath the pad. You wailed, pleasure prickling tears at the corners of your eyes as your stomach coiled tighter, pushed you higher. 
A sharp blossom of pain erupted from the crook of your neck, making you cry out as Vash growled against your skin. His sharp canines dug into your sensitive flesh, bruising the soft skin there and blooming pain and pleasure into a swirling cocktail of overwhelming sensation. You dug your nails hard into the flesh of his back, shivering helplessly in his grip. The desert had been cruel, and crueler still had been its people, but you would make sure that any marks you left on Vash would be ones he wasn't ashamed to show, to feel.
"Love you." You sobbed, bleary-eyed and desperate for release, babbling similar nonsense to Vash as you tumbled into pleasure-drunk ecstasy. "Love you, I love you I love you Vash!"
He wailed, teeth pressing further into your soft neck, hips stuttering forward once, twice more before he finally shuddered, pouring his load into your awaiting core. Molten heat flooded your pussy, sending you tumbling into your own release. Rapture flooded your senses, writhing in Vash's hold as waves of pleasure overtook you, walls fluttering helplessly around his length again, and again, and again. He was spilling so much into you, you could feel it pooling out around where the two of you were joined, slicking his thighs and inevitably staining the sheets below. Even as your own orgasm began to subside, little aftershocks of pleasure sparking in your mind, he was still spilling more into your fluttering heat.
"I love you." He sobbed into your neck, drool and tears dampening your skin as he clutched you tight, so tight. "Love you so much." His tongue lathed over the bruise his teeth had left behind, a silent apology for daring to leave a single mark upon your body. With a final, shaky thrust of his hips, he seemed to spill the last of his cum into you, muscles relaxing with a stifled groan. You curled a hand in the hair at the base of his neck, pressing a kiss to his temple as he nuzzled into you. He whined as his cock seemed to slip from your heat of its own accord, another gush of hot slick spilling from your entrance as it went limp.
"I've got you, baby." You cooed. Slumping gently into his lap and ignoring the sticky-slick feeling cooling between your bodies, you let yourself melt fully into Vash's gentle hold.
"...They're probably gonna charge you extra for cleaning, you know?" He quipped, and you could feel him grimace a little at the tacky feeling between your thighs. "A lot extra."
"I'll take my chances." 
He guffawed against your neck, dragging you down to the mattress with him in a sticky heap. You curled into the curve of his body, head resting on his shoulder. His arm immediately rose to curl around you, pulling you tight against his side.
"Mmh, we should probably clean up." You mumbled, eyelids already beginning to flutter.
"...Five minutes?" He rumbled, pressing his nose into the crook of your jaw.
"Mmm… Five minutes."
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sparklingself · 9 months
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𝐍𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐇𝐈𝐁𝐈𝐓 𝐒𝐄𝐋𝐅
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I never barred myself. (Neville)
Your imagination is truly a gift. Everything is possible in your mind. Your mind is the vessel that holds everything, every seed to every physical action, every experience, memory - it is your whole world. Consciousness is everything. Nothing outside of your consciousness cannot exist to you.
Intrusive thoughts
You have many thoughts throughout the day. You may have thoughts you may call intrusive. These are unwelcome thoughts to you. Maybe you're trying to persist with diligence and then you get these unwelcome thoughts. You might try to force them down, to aggressively shut the door to them. But then you see that this manner of trying to be rid of them with all your might isn't the most effective. The trick is to guide them to the right direction, instead of forcing them.
Your mind is your home. You should feel safe. There are no intruders, there are no others, there is only self.
So, whenever you get an unwanted thought that doesn't align with the physical reality you want to achieve through your mind, all you need to do is remind yourself. Say, I want to affirm the reality of being rich. I've been persisting for a few days, but then I look into my wallet and see emptiness. I instantly get the thought and feeling of "who am I tricking, I have no money, I'm poor". Now, you have three options: a) cling to that feeling, b) bottle that feeling, but let it accumulate back when you don't have the energy to force it down anymore or c) remind yourself that the 3D is only a mirror, only an illusion, and isn't objective reality. The true reality is what is within. Once you remember that you can go back to feeling affluent. You're not being delusional, everything is a feeling anyway. You can acknowledge physically having an empty wallet, but you know that what matters is how you feel as opposed to what you see.
What you're doing is letting yourself have that thought, but just not holding on to it by actively reminding yourself of your imagination being the almighty, as opposed to the physical which is just a mirror. This avoids that feeling coming up again, or at least makes it a more rare occasion.
2. Bottling desires
I also want to talk about desiring. I'm sure you've found yourself in the situation of desiring things you "shouldn't" desire. For example, maybe you've lusted over people you shouldn't lust over, or food you shouldn't eat, or whatever. You've had a desire and then you get the feeling of it being forbidden.
Desires should never be bottled. That's what's called sin in the Bible. Not letting yourself have your desires. However, I think there are instances where your desires should be evaluated. For example, an SP that is unavailable. It's not that you can't erase them them being unavailable, it's just that you should ask yourself why you want that person. Maybe they reflect a subconscious need unmet in yourself and it's not the person you want, but something else.
Another different example would be sexual paraphilias that harm you or other people. I hold the belief that if you desire to hurt someone you're not actually happy. And hurting someone wouldn't make you happier. That's where you also have to evaluate what you actually want.
The Bible speaks of "godly" desires and "ungodly" desires. I would interpret godly as something you truly, really want. A desire you know is pure and coming from the deepest crevices of your heart. And ungodly would be a desire that is not actually align with you. You are mistaken with what you actually want. The ungodly desire reflects the godly desire and you must find it within.
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hotdsworld · 4 months
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"Patience"
Jake sully x fem!Omatikaya!Reader
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a/n: I needed the patience writing this, and it didn't even turn the way I wanted it to turn BYE
word count: 2,5k
summary: you need to learn how to be patient and your mate is more than glad to teach you that
warnings: 18+!, daddy kink, orgasm denial, collar and a leash, oral (f), thigh riding, degradation & praise (not really), p in v, unprotected sex, breeding kink
Minors do not interact!
Being the Olo’eyktan for sure was a big responsibility and a lot of stress. Especially for Jake, because this generation brought a lot of morons that he needed to train. It was taking time so Jake was spending all day out, coming back to your hut only at night, usually when you were already asleep. You didn't mind it, he was just trying to teach the future of the clan, but your body ached for him. The lack of his touch was frustrating, but the longing for your mate was a normal thing. You just needed to feel him in every way. Trying to stay patient, you focused on your duties, but you didn't have as much as him. Mo’at was still the Tsahìk, so you weren't under that much pressure, but you did your best to learn from her. You spent days trying to learn everything from Mo’at, and to be patient about Jake training the youngsters, but you weren't known for your patience, so after two weeks of such games, you became annoyed and frustrated. It took this long for you to threaten your Olo’eyktan that if he won't come back early tonight, you will invite one of the warriors for a pleasant evening. Of course, you weren't serious but it worked like a goddamn charm. Maybe it wasn't so good for you, considering your position now. Kneeling before your Olo’eyktan who was holding a leash that was connected to the collar on your neck.
“You are as needy as a pet, you know that, yawne?” Jake teased, seeing your flustered face. You would go down on your knees for him a lot, but this was something different. Ever since Jake became the Olo’eyktan, he also grew to be more dominant. At the beginning of your relationship, you would dominate him a lot, but now, the roles were reversed, and Jake loved reminding you of that.
“I'm sorry, I just couldn't wait longer,” you act innocent like you regret taunting him, but you didn't. The action brought forth some results, so you weren't exactly sorry for that.
“I should teach you a little patience, shouldn't I? Now you will kneel like a good girl when I'm pleasing myself, got it?” The question was rhetorical, of course. Jake wasn't really asking, he was informing you. His eyes never left yours as he moved his loincloth away, freeing his cock. He was getting off to seeing you like this, on your knees with the collar, submitting to him. Jake missed you a lot during these two weeks, and maybe if you weren't such a brat he would fuck you nicely right away, but no. You had to earn it. You looked away, not wanting to torture yourself any longer, the wetness soaking your loincloth was enough, you didn't need it to ache even more. Jake pulled the leash, almost making your face meet the ground, but you held your balance. “I didn't say that you can look away. Do you like being a brat? Suffer your punishment. You are going to watch the whole time, not moving, not looking away, did your pretty little head get it?” He was talking to you like to his warriors, but even they didn't manage to get him as frustrated as you did earlier.
“Yes, I got it,” you sighed. Jake was definitely too happy with torturing you like that.
“How does it feel, little slut? It could have been you if you didn't disrespect me like that earlier. Now you can just watch your Olo’eyktan stroke his big cock that was meant to be inside you,” he groans. You forced yourself to watch, even though your hands just ached to touch him or yourself. Jake was getting closer, you could see that in his movements, you bit your lip waiting for the end of the torture but he stopped. Jake smirked looking at your confused expression, it wasn't hard to surprise you. You looked at your Olo’eyktan staying silent, you didn't want to risk anything now. Jake patted his lap, and you got the hint pretty quickly sitting on his lap. He nodded in approval with a faint smirk on his lips. His hands untying your loincloth painfully slowly.
“Now, ride my thigh like the little slut that you are.” It wasn't fair, not at all. The way you waited so long for him and he didn't even bother to fuck you, but you were too needy and aroused to care as your hips began to move. Jake’s tail swayed happily, feeling your wetness on his thigh. “Does my dominance get you off? Who would have thought…” he wasn't going to go easy on you. You kept grinding against his thigh desperately searching for any relief from your primal needs.
“Please, Jake. I need so much more,” you begged. It wasn't a state he was seeing you in usually.
“Correct yourself, yawne,” his expression was stern, almost like you annoyed him… but then you got it.
“I'm sorry, daddy. Can I please get more? I need more,” you begged so sweetly it almost made him give you what you wanted, but Jake was tough.
“I like when you beg but it won't change what you did earlier, little brat,” he pulled the leash, making you tilt your head back. Your neck was exposed, Jake didn't hesitate to take advantage of that right away. His bites were hard enough to leave marks, but that was his intention. You were going crazy from just grinding against his muscled thigh. The pleasure building, driving you close to your orgasm. You were grateful that at very least he would let you come in that way. “Stop,” his voice barely reached your ears. Jake put his hands on your hips to keep you from moving, and you whined disappointed. “I told you, you need to learn to be more patient. I don't like to repeat myself, you know that.” You wanted to protest because he just took away one of the most wonderful things that you could feel, but it wouldn't be smart to talk back, not right now. Without a word, he put you down on your back surprisingly gently, putting his face between your legs. Your breath hitched as you waited, cheeks flushed from the way he was staring at you. Jake took a long lick upwards, gathering your wetness on his tongue. “I fucking missed that sweet pussy,” he was moving his tongue on and around your clit painfully slowly. You began to understand the punishment and you didn't like it one bit. You relished in the feeling of his tongue teasing your clit,.he knew how to push your buttons. Your pussy was clenching around nothing as he was making your nub swollen and sensitive with his tongue.
“Great Eywa, please daddy,” you whimpered, holding yourself with all of your strength to just not push his head closer. Jake wouldn't like you taking control, you guessed that much. You needed to feel something inside you, anything from him.
“I told you to be patient,” he focused on sucking your clit while his fingers began to trace patterns on your wet folds. Your head was going empty from the need to be filled and the pleasure that your Olo’eyktan was providing. The worst of tortures, giving you something so sweet just to take this away after a while. You stopped begging, just continued to moan occasionally calling him as he wished. Jake, noticing your obedience, pushed his finger inside your dripping hole. All the way in and curled it at the end, hitting your special spot. Your hips bucked forward involuntarily as you sought more pleasure, trying to feel more of him, deeper. Jake chuckled against your sensitive clit, sending pleasant vibrations through your whole body. He added the second finger, making you moan for him even louder. The familiar feeling was building up inside of you again, and you weren't going to let this go for a second time.
“I beg of you, daddy. I need to cum so so much, will you let me? I will be a good girl, I promise,” you were desperate. Maybe it was pathetic, the need clouding your mind but you didn't care. All that you cared about was his tongue and his fingers pleasuring you. Jake kept going and you could feel yourself going straight to the edge, your eyes shutting from the intensity, and then… there was nothing. Jake pulled away from you casually, clearly not caring about the pout on your face. He flashed you a toothy smile and at the moment, you hated him. The effect that he had on you was something beyond imagination.
“Fast learner… that's my girl. Not even whining now, huh?” Jake made you sit up by pulling the leash. He looked at you with amusement, your red cheeks, watery eyes, dripping pussy. “Before you pulled out a stunt like that I really wanted to make you cum on my face, but after you did that? I couldn't leave my girl unpunished,” he became somewhat soft as he noticed the sadness in your eyes. It seemed like you genuinely needed this, Jake needed it too but he enjoyed tormenting you, especially when he had a reason to do so.
“Are we done?” You didn't even hope to get an orgasm today. Jake smirked seeing you finally submitting, not arguing or trying to change his mind.
“On your hands and knees,” he demanded. You obeyed right away, getting into the desired position. “What a good pet would you make, my sweet girl,” he got behind you, his hand caressing your thigh. Your tail swayed nervously, you didn't know what to expect. Today Jake surprised you a lot, usually, the punishment didn't last that long. Did you get on his nerves that much? Your mind got off of these thoughts as you felt the tip of Jake’s rock-hard cock rubbing against your opening. You stopped breathing as you waited for him to finally push himself inside, after waiting so long, it was what you deserved. Jake took his time, sliding his cock inside lazily instead of pushing it in one thrust. “Fuck, I missed that pussy so much,” Jake grunts. You were patient, which was new but it didn't go unnoticed.
“Look at you… finally understanding how important patience is. Daddy’s so proud of you, my yawne,” he was thrusting into you slowly. It wasn't enough, but at this point, you were taking everything that he was giving you. “Such a good little pet for me, I'm so proud of you,” he cooed as his thrusts became faster. The sounds of skin slapping against skin mixed with your lewd sounds filled up the hut.
“Yes, daddy. Just like that, oh my,” you wanted to be good for him. Being a brat was all fun but when it comes to this? It was worth it to be Jake’s good girl. Jake intensified his movements, his hand getting between your bodies to tease the sensitive nub. He was turning you into a puddle, no thoughts behind your pretty eyes, just the feeling of his cock filling you up so deliciously. The pleasure was overwhelming and when you thought it couldn't get any better Jake pulled the leash making you arch your back even more. “Daddy!” you whimpered feeling him even deeper. You were a mewling mess for him.
“You are such a little slut for daddy, baby,” his tone was gentle but the way he was rutting into you was not. It was primal, the way he was hitting the best spots inside of you. “Why couldn't you wait longer for me?” Earlier, when you were capable, he didn't want you to talk. Now, when you are a mess he expects you to answer. Anything that you were trying to say was turning into a moan. “Have I fucked my girl dumb already? Use your words, love,” he was getting closer, but tried to not show it too much, still pounding into you like an animal when his fingers were caressing your clit gently.
“I-... I was bored and needy,” you managed to utter. Jake didn't like the fact that you made him so jealous because you were simply bored. His pace increased like he wanted to fuck his anger out.
“Maybe we should give you more chores, huh? You get bored so quickly… How busy you would be carrying my offspring,” you mewled something in response. Jake didn't need to understand that, he listened to your body language. “The way your pretty pussy clenched tells me everything my yawne. You want to walk around carrying your Olo’eyktan’s precious seed, huh? You would love the feeling of having part of me always with you, wouldn't you? I'm going to breed you, brat. I want you to be a good girl for me now and take my cum, okay? I'm going to pump you so full of it that it will be dripping out of your little hole for hours,” he grunts. “I'm going to cum deep inside you and you will thank me for it, yes my yawne?” Jake couldn't believe how fast you were getting him to his release. The way your tight pussy kept clenching like it wanted him to stay inside you forever.
“Yes, daddy,” you were that desperate, thinking of nothing but your own orgasm. “Fill my pussy with your cum, claim my womb. I'm all yours, daddy,” you mewled anything just to get him to keep fucking you. Jake put more pleasure on your clit, knowing that it would make you clench even more, and that was just what he needed.
“Fuck, yes. Good girl, good girl. Gonna make you a mommy, breed you so full,” he grunts as his balls tighten. “Take it, take it, you little slut. All of my cum,” when Jake cums, he cums a lot, but the amount he let out today was unlike anything. Probably due to not having sex or getting off in a while.
“Thank you, daddy. Thank you thank you thank you,” you whimpered loudly. The fullness and his hand working on your clit sent you straight to Eywa. With a scream, you came undone on his cock, your body shuddering from the climax. Jake had to hold you so you wouldn't fall face flat to the ground. You were spent but satisfied, your lips curving into a little smile as you were trying to breathe normally.
“Is my yawne alright?” Jake needed to make sure you weren't uncomfortable as he was taking the collar off.
“Yes, I'm more than alright,” you exhaled, resting your head on his shoulder. His hands surround you, giving you a sense of comfort and safety. Jake kisses your forehead gently like he didn't just fuck the living soul out of you.
“I'm proud of you, my sweet one. You needed to learn patience since you crossed the line earlier, but besides that, you are a perfect little brat,” he massaged your stomach tenderly.
“Now, we need to be patient,” you laughed as Jake frowned.
“Waiting that long to know whether you will make me a real daddy or not it's too infuriating.” Jake might be a little but if hypocrite, but the good thing is that you learned how to be patient.Being the Olo’eyktan for sure was a big responsibility and a lot of stress. Especially for Jake, because this generation brought a lot of morons that he needed to train. It was taking time so Jake was spending all day out, coming back to your hut only at night, usually when you were already asleep. You didn't mind it, he was just trying to teach the future of the clan, but your body ached for him. The lack of his touch was frustrating, but the longing for your mate was a normal thing. You just needed to feel him in every way. Trying to stay patient, you focused on your duties, but you didn't have as much as him. Mo’at was still the Tsahìk, so you weren't under that much pressure, but you did your best to learn from her. You spent days trying to learn everything from Mo’at, and to be patient about Jake training the youngsters, but you weren't known for your patience, so after two weeks of such games, you became annoyed and frustrated. It took this long for you to threaten your Olo’eyktan that if he won't come back early tonight, you will invite one of the warriors for a pleasant evening. Of course, you weren't serious but it worked like a goddamn charm. Maybe it wasn't so good for you, considering your position now. Kneeling before your Olo’eyktan who was holding a leash that was connected to the collar on your neck.
“You are as needy as a pet, you know that, yawne?” Jake teased, seeing your flustered face. You would go down on your knees for him a lot, but this was something different. Ever since Jake became the Olo’eyktan, he also grew to be more dominant. At the beginning of your relationship, you would dominate him a lot, but now, the roles were reversed, and Jake loved reminding you of that.
“I'm sorry, I just couldn't wait longer,” you act innocent like you regret taunting him, but you didn't. The action brought forth some results, so you weren't exactly sorry for that.
“I should teach you a little patience, shouldn't I? Now you will kneel like a good girl when I'm pleasing myself, got it?” The question was rhetorical, of course. Jake wasn't really asking, he was informing you. His eyes never left yours as he moved his loincloth away, freeing his cock. He was getting off to seeing you like this, on your knees with the collar, submitting to him. Jake missed you a lot during these two weeks, and maybe if you weren't such a brat he would fuck you nicely right away, but no. You had to earn it. You looked away, not wanting to torture yourself any longer, the wetness soaking your loincloth was enough, you didn't need it to ache even more. Jake pulled the leash, almost making your face meet the ground, but you held your balance. “I didn't say that you can look away. Do you like being a brat? Suffer your punishment. You are going to watch the whole time, not moving, not looking away, did your pretty little head get it?” He was talking to you like to his warriors, but even they didn't manage to get him as frustrated as you did earlier.
“Yes, I got it,” you sighed. Jake was definitely too happy with torturing you like that.
“How does it feel, little slut? It could have been you if you didn't disrespect me like that earlier. Now you can just watch your Olo’eyktan stroke his big cock that was meant to be inside you,” he groans. You forced yourself to watch, even though your hands just ached to touch him or yourself. Jake was getting closer, you could see that in his movements, you bit your lip waiting for the end of the torture but he stopped. Jake smirked looking at your confused expression, it wasn't hard to surprise you. You looked at your Olo’eyktan staying silent, you didn't want to risk anything now. Jake patted his lap, and you got the hint pretty quickly sitting on his lap. He nodded in approval with a faint smirk on his lips. His hands untying your loincloth painfully slowly.
“Now, ride my thigh like the little slut that you are.” It wasn't fair, not at all. The way you waited so long for him and he didn't even bother to fuck you, but you were too needy and aroused to care as your hips began to move. Jake’s tail swayed happily, feeling your wetness on his thigh. “Does my dominance get you off? Who would have thought…” he wasn't going to go easy on you. You kept grinding against his thigh desperately searching for any relief from your primal needs.
“Please, Jake. I need so much more,” you begged. It wasn't a state he was seeing you in usually.
“Correct yourself, yawne,” his expression was stern, almost like you annoyed him… but then you got it.
“I'm sorry, daddy. Can I please get more? I need more,” you begged so sweetly it almost made him give you what you wanted, but Jake was tough.
“I like when you beg but it won't change what you did earlier, little brat,” he pulled the leash, making you tilt your head back. Your neck was exposed, Jake didn't hesitate to take advantage of that right away. His bites were hard enough to leave marks, but that was his intention. You were going crazy from just grinding against his muscled thigh. The pleasure building, driving you close to your orgasm. You were grateful that at very least he would let you come in that way. “Stop,” his voice barely reached your ears. Jake put his hands on your hips to keep you from moving, and you whined disappointed. “I told you, you need to learn to be more patient. I don't like to repeat myself, you know that.” You wanted to protest because he just took away one of the most wonderful things that you could feel, but it wouldn't be smart to talk back, not right now. Without a word, he put you down on your back surprisingly gently, putting his face between your legs. Your breath hitched as you waited, cheeks flushed from the way he was staring at you. Jake took a long lick upwards, gathering your wetness on his tongue. “I fucking missed that sweet pussy,” he was moving his tongue on and around your clit painfully slowly. You began to understand the punishment and you didn't like it one bit. You relished in the feeling of his tongue teasing your clit,.he knew how to push your buttons. Your pussy was clenching around nothing as he was making your nub swollen and sensitive with his tongue.
“Great Eywa, please daddy,” you whimpered, holding yourself with all of your strength to just not push his head closer. Jake wouldn't like you taking control, you guessed that much. You needed to feel something inside you, anything from him.
“I told you to be patient,” he focused on sucking your clit while his fingers began to trace patterns on your wet folds. Your head was going empty from the need to be filled and the pleasure that your Olo’eyktan was providing. The worst of tortures, giving you something so sweet just to take this away after a while. You stopped begging, just continued to moan occasionally calling him as he wished. Jake, noticing your obedience, pushed his finger inside your dripping hole. All the way in and curled it at the end, hitting your special spot. Your hips bucked forward involuntarily as you sought more pleasure, trying to feel more of him, deeper. Jake chuckled against your sensitive clit, sending pleasant vibrations through your whole body. He added the second finger, making you moan for him even louder. The familiar feeling was building up inside of you again, and you weren't going to let this go for a second time.
“I beg of you, daddy. I need to cum so so much, will you let me? I will be a good girl, I promise,” you were desperate. Maybe it was pathetic, the need clouding your mind but you didn't care. All that you cared about was his tongue and his fingers pleasuring you. Jake kept going and you could feel yourself going straight to the edge, your eyes shutting from the intensity, and then… there was nothing. Jake pulled away from you casually, clearly not caring about the pout on your face. He flashed you a toothy smile and at the moment, you hated him. The effect that he had on you was something beyond imagination.
“Fast learner… that's my girl. Not even whining now, huh?” Jake made you sit up by pulling the leash. He looked at you with amusement, your red cheeks, watery eyes, dripping pussy. “Before you pulled out a stunt like that I really wanted to make you cum on my face, but after you did that? I couldn't leave my girl unpunished,” he became somewhat soft as he noticed the sadness in your eyes. It seemed like you genuinely needed this, Jake needed it too but he enjoyed tormenting you, especially when he had a reason to do so.
“Are we done?” You didn't even hope to get an orgasm today. Jake smirked seeing you finally submitting, not arguing or trying to change his mind.
“On your hands and knees,” he demanded. You obeyed right away, getting into the desired position. “What a good pet would you make, my sweet girl,” he got behind you, his hand caressing your thigh. Your tail swayed nervously, you didn't know what to expect. Today Jake surprised you a lot, usually, the punishment didn't last that long. Did you get on his nerves that much? Your mind got off of these thoughts as you felt the tip of Jake’s rock-hard cock rubbing against your opening. You stopped breathing as you waited for him to finally push himself inside, after waiting so long, it was what you deserved. Jake took his time, sliding his cock inside lazily instead of pushing it in one thrust. “Fuck, I missed that pussy so much,” Jake grunts. You were patient, which was new but it didn't go unnoticed.
“Look at you… finally understanding how important patience is. Daddy’s so proud of you, my yawne,” he was thrusting into you slowly. It wasn't enough, but at this point, you were taking everything that he was giving you. “Such a good little pet for me, I'm so proud of you,” he cooed as his thrusts became faster. The sounds of skin slapping against skin mixed with your lewd sounds filled up the hut.
“Yes, daddy. Just like that, oh my,” you wanted to be good for him. Being a brat was all fun but when it comes to this? It was worth it to be Jake’s good girl. Jake intensified his movements, his hand getting between your bodies to tease the sensitive nub. He was turning you into a puddle, no thoughts behind your pretty eyes, just the feeling of his cock filling you up so deliciously. The pleasure was overwhelming and when you thought it couldn't get any better Jake pulled the leash making you arch your back even more. “Daddy!” you whimpered feeling him even deeper. You were a mewling mess for him.
“You are such a little slut for daddy, baby,” his tone was gentle but the way he was rutting into you was not. It was primal, the way he was hitting the best spots inside of you. “Why couldn't you wait longer for me?” Earlier, when you were capable, he didn't want you to talk. Now, when you are a mess he expects you to answer. Anything that you were trying to say was turning into a moan. “Have I fucked my girl dumb already? Use your words, love,” he was getting closer, but tried to not show it too much, still pounding into you like an animal when his fingers were caressing your clit gently.
“I-... I was bored and needy,” you managed to utter. Jake didn't like the fact that you made him so jealous because you were simply bored. His pace increased like he wanted to fuck his anger out.
“Maybe we should give you more chores, huh? You get bored so quickly… How busy you would be carrying my offspring,” you mewled something in response. Jake didn't need to understand that, he listened to your body language. “The way your pretty pussy clenched tells me everything my yawne. You want to walk around carrying your Olo’eyktan’s precious seed, huh? You would love the feeling of having part of me always with you, wouldn't you? I'm going to breed you, brat. I want you to be a good girl for me now and take my cum, okay? I'm going to pump you so full of it that it will be dripping out of your little hole for hours,” he grunts. “I'm going to cum deep inside you and you will thank me for it, yes my yawne?” Jake couldn't believe how fast you were getting him to his release. The way your tight pussy kept clenching like it wanted him to stay inside you forever.
“Yes, daddy,” you were that desperate, thinking of nothing but your own orgasm. “Fill my pussy with your cum, claim my womb. I'm all yours, daddy,” you mewled anything just to get him to keep fucking you. Jake put more pleasure on your clit, knowing that it would make you clench even more, and that was just what he needed.
“Fuck, yes. Good girl, good girl. Gonna make you a mommy, breed you so full,” he grunts as his balls tighten. “Take it, take it, you little slut. All of my cum,” when Jake cums, he cums a lot, but the amount he let out today was unlike anything. Probably due to not having sex or getting off in a while.
“Thank you, daddy. Thank you thank you thank you,” you whimpered loudly. The fullness and his hand working on your clit sent you straight to Eywa. With a scream, you came undone on his cock, your body shuddering from the climax. Jake had to hold you so you wouldn't fall face flat to the ground. You were spent but satisfied, your lips curving into a little smile as you were trying to breathe normally.
“Is my yawne alright?” Jake needed to make sure you weren't uncomfortable as he was taking the collar off.
“Yes, I'm more than alright,” you exhaled, resting your head on his shoulder. His hands surround you, giving you a sense of comfort and safety. Jake kisses your forehead gently like he didn't just fuck the living soul out of you.
“I'm proud of you, my sweet one. You needed to learn patience since you crossed the line earlier, but besides that, you are a perfect little brat,” he massaged your stomach tenderly.
“Now, we need to be patient,” you laughed as Jake frowned.
“Waiting that long to know whether you will make me a real daddy or not it's too infuriating.”
"You were torturing me ranting about being patient," you looked at him sternly. Jake just grinned.
"It was a lesson for you, not me," Jake might be a little but if hypocrite, but the good thing is that you learned how to be patient.
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ronkeyroo · 2 months
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A positive Update
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Friends, kind folk - Hello Again 🤍
Ever since my last update post, I've been thinking about it , a lot ;; I knew I needed time to cook and reflect, and im so glad I gave myself that...
2024 started rough for me; I fell severely ill again - I was too busy cursing my life and dwelling over how betrayed I felt by things still not getting better despite my efforts that I didn't realize I was walking into a self fulfilling prophecy. Its true that the struggles I'm going through are yet to be solved, that its gotten so much to the point giving up seemed easier, and that a couple individuals haven't been making it easier on me either; I swayed and i rattled and I steered within feelings ranging from confusion to anger to dismay and all of this back and forth did nothing but remind me of yet another self-destructive loop I just don't want to allow in my life anymore. Its exactly the kinda stuff that made me ill to begin with, and I've been so lost dealing with everything in between that i forgot to tend to the actual core centering all of this...
It grew unbearable how much emotional and physical turmoil I was pushing myself into, and knowing how intertwined these two elements have been; I had to draw a line before i majorly screwed myself over, gathering any bit of inner will to discipline myself back into some sort of clarity, enough to at least look through a lens OUTSIDE my pain for once, towards the kind of life I want to lead, and the kind of life I don't; and I came to an understanding.
From my physical state to my mental, to the people and memories I've experienced, both the good and the bad - I want to prioritize the good.
Not in a shitty ass, toxic optimism kinda way but in a "I want to prioritize knowing and living the possibility that even when it hurts, even when i want to be gone, even when life doesn't align - There's still every good reason in the world to keep moving forward, to face things from a perspective of growth & compassion, and to grow to love the promise of a better tomorrow even when today was unbearable." To know that I don't end or begin in my suffering, that the infinite potential I speak so fondly of applies to me, as well...
I want to be able to wield and create and share that goodness, too, Especially when it is already in decline...And for all gods sake, to internalize that all of this STILL exists and STILL matters even when it doesn't work the first couple or dozens of times.
As for my place here in Tumblr...I know the sentiment might feel silly to some but the experiences, memories, and connections I've made here have truly been such a significant force in my life, and i don't want to give up on that ;; Not because of my own insecurities, or an inner state of hopelessness, and especially not over a bunch of emotionally immature Anons that dont know how to handle themselves; I want to forgive all of that.
I'm stubborn, and there's an unyielding force within me that no matter how many times it is struck down, it proved itself ridiculously resilient. I'm perking up with with a fiery confidence realizing just how many times it rose back up, enough to realize it is an unchangeable part of me ;_; I shouldn't underestimate that force, and I want to keep living by its side. Whatever positive change I can sprinkle onto my life and the lives of those I care for, I will! And the reason why this space in particular is so important to me, is because so much of that already exists here, alongside you folks;
THAT'S the kind of energy i want to nourish and walk into the new year with! I want to continue growing as a person, challenging my inner turmoils, undoing the self punishing dogmas that still haunt me, stop flexing my teeth over things that don't deserve my time and god DAMN, just - indulge in the stuff that makes me happy, even when I'm going through unhappy times.
So yeah...I guess that means, I'm back & I'm staying ;_;)🧡
I know i may seem like a broken record when it comes to expressing gratitude but - Thank you, thank you thank you everyone who have reached out for me, who so fondly kept me in their thoughts and kept encouraging me whenever i was hurting, both then and now...You folks mean more than whatever ailment or struggle I can go through, and while I'm unsure of how the future will look like as I'm still going through various challenges- I couldn't have asked for a cooler, sweeter audience to have by my side whenever Its time to take a rest or hype over our sexy delicious blorbos!
Speaking of which....................I have been cooking quite a lot of things in the time i was away 👀✨ I most definitely intend to serve them, eheheh
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kazzykatt · 4 months
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kinda following this (spoilers)
In the Ruin version of Arts n Crafts Sun is distant, kinda scared, saying that we shouldn't be there, is not safe.
But still, he shreds the art, says "Bad! Bad! Bad!" when we mess up. He's been alone and hurting for who knows how long and still, he wants us to leave.
"You can make crafts, but then you need to go." He repeats over and over with the same tone.
Its a big contrast with the normal game. "gOod FrieeeENd, you're back..." "Whyyyy are you taking so looooonnnng?!" "Areyoudoneyet?" "UUh googly eyes *giggles*" his voice has feelings! He gets happy and impatient and sassy! In some lines you can feel how he talks with a forced smile (bless u Kellen Goff) (this is my favorite line its great)
But then he loses all life. He's scared and sad and still wants us to leave!
And in all this, Moon's just laughing. Hiding here and there, going up and down giggling and clicking around the room.
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Look at him. Hands on the desk and spinning his head. He doesn't kill us immediately like Sun does when the time runs out or like how Moon does in Ruin. Look at him. He's just... Does he wants to make Arts n Crafts too?
How long has it been since the ending of Security Breach? Sun is not begging for help, Moon is not instakilling...
But now that I think about it, there's no more "its past your bed time" or "Naughty naughty", just laughs and agony screams. On the other hand, Sun still, still, has the guts to call you out if you do the art wrong.
This is fascinating to analyze. Theres so many new behaviors, so much new knowledge about them. Sun is sassy af and is not afraid to turn the lights off if the situation calls for it ("I should turn off the lights myself"). And Moon! Moon goes places! He's in the carousel and in Bonnie Bowl and Foxy's water ride. They get so much life and it gets taken away it in the same game I'm gonna scream!
This is not Ruin. Sun still has a defiant tone in his voice. Moon is laughing and curious and not attacking as his first move.
In Ruin they fight. In Ruin both are more desperate for light/no light.
What changed between this and Ruin? What happened between them? How much time did it pass?? For Sun to lose the confidence, for Moon to become so agressive and defensive of its time out.
I had a little headcanon back then about how FazCo sold the animatronics the idea of reopening. Is this around that time? before losing all hope? Why keep the Arts n Craft station? With all the materials and in their room no less. To pass time? To keep the Daycare clean? Why are they acting like this? What do they know? What do they don't know? Why are they so broken? Have they been like this this whole time? If so, and with Sun's "I can do it myself" attitude, why hasn't he done something? He's there, there's light! He's out!
He's out...
Out and switching with Moon. Letting it play and be spooky while he judges the art. There's no fear between them, there's no hate, no keeping one in an eternal nap. Changing and playing with the little light they have in their little fort in their room...
They have gone through so much. Its painful now that we know more of them. From going to a sassy "I'm gonna put you in a nap!" to a terrified "I'm trapped in a nap!". From laughing and having fun around the place to being in so much pain he slashes a kid's face off.
And the worse part? They have no control over it. "If I was programmed to I would" but he's not. They're not. They can't be more than they are, they can't learn to be more. Not programmed to. Just do with what we allow you to. Can't can't can't and its so, so unfair
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animehideout · 3 months
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LOVE IS THE MOST TWISTED CURSE OF THEM ALL
PART TWO.
Read part 1 here.
Read part 3 here
Gojo Satoru x Fem! reader.
a/n: I hope you enjoy this part, in the next parts things will get more exciting and heated so stay updated..
warnings: At some point this story will contain SMUT parts.
words count: 1127.
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You awoke to a pounding headache, your phone ringing none stop. You had trouble sleeping at night, the house was spacious and it felt really cold and empty.
"Shit, it's already 10 am," you muttered upon realizing the time.
Picking up the phone, you anticipated the caller is your nosy cousin.
"Morning," you greeted, met with her enthusiastic response. "Everything okay? Why'd you call?"
"Come on, spill! Did the curse break?" she asked.
With a sigh, you knew this was none of her fucking business.
"No. You know it takes time, right? It's gradual."
"Ah, how was it, then?" she inquired.
"How was what?" you raised an eyebrow, already prepared for her persistent questioning.
“Having sex with the famous Gojo Satoru?”
Your eyes widened, and your heart raced. Should you lie? He didn't touch you he hadn't even stayed the night.
"G-good," you lied, "Gotta go now," you added, ending the call with a flush on your face.
You'd always fantasized about your first time, picturing a softly lit bedroom, under the touch of your lover, while making love passionately. But, all those dreams shattered the moment you married Satoru. Neither of you had any intention in touching each other.
You stretched out of bed to prepare breakfast "Am I gonna live like this forever?”
•At Jujutsu High•
"Oh, Gojo-sensei! What brings you here?" asked Yuji.
"Huh? Teaching!" Gojo replied, putting his blindfold on.
"But you just got married," Yuji remarked.
Gojo patted Yuji's head and smiled, "Then who's going to teach my precious students if I'm not here?"
"Oh, about that, Principal Yaga said Mei Mei and Utahime-sensei will handle it."
"Hah? No!"
"Bothered, Gojo Satoru?" Mei Mei said in a seductive tone as she approached.
"Shouldn't you be next to your wife? Snuggling?" she teased.
"And let you teach my students? Oh no."
"Utahime, you're here! See, Gojo left his wife all alone in bed just to teach."
"I give it to you, Gojo. You're committed to teaching," joked Utahime.
"Satoru," said Principal Yaga, appearing in the classroom.
"Been on the phone with your wife," he added.
"Huh, why?" questioned Satoru.
"Well, you're a married couple, and teaching will consume all your time. So, she'll start teaching here as well, and both of you can spend time together," he explained.
Satoru froze but maintained a blank, poker face.
"She doesn't even have cursed energy. What do you expect her to teach? Rocket science?"
“Huh he doesn't want his wife here?” whispered Utahime.
“I mean you know both of them were forced into this, bet he didn't even fuck her” said Mei Mei in her usual amused tone.
"I know, but she's skilled in martial arts and weapon use. She'll excel at training your students."
"Did she accept your offer?" Satoru asked through gritted teeth.
"Yeah, she was happy about it. She said she'll be here in an hour."
“So should be we leave, since Gojo is here?” Asked Utahime.
“Leave? hah we've come all the way just to leave” Replied Mei Mei “also it's a great opportunity to meet your wife, Gojo.. and celebrate”
“Celebrate?” asked Megumi.
“Yeah your step mom will start working here, she deserves a good welcoming”
“Quite that Mei Mei, dont make a buzz out of it” said Gojo in an annoyed tone.
“come on, Gojo.. Don't spoil the fun.. don't you think your lovely wife is deserving of a celebration ”
• Time Skip •
Y/n's Pov
It was my first time at Jujutsu High, unlike my siblings, cousins, and now husband. I've always been at home, locked away because my family feared that curses might harm me and I won't be able to defend myself. So, I trained at home, learning martial arts and weapon use as my only means of self-defense.
Now, stepping in as a teacher, life indeed full of surprises.
End Of Pov
As you walked inside, someone snatched you into an empty corner.
"What the hell do you think you're doing y/n?" asked Gojo, placing his giant hand on your mouth.
You pushed it away, frowning "Huh?" you raised an eyebrow.
"You'll go to Principal Yaga now, apologize, and tell him that you changed your mind and rejected his offer."
"And who do you think you are to order me around?" you fought back.
"You have no business here, y/n. You're making this more complicated for both of us."
"So, you expect me to be locked in your house forever? Sleeping, eating, and looking out the window?"
"Yes, but not forever, its until you get rid of that curse, and then we'll divorce."
"You're insane. Get out of my way," you said, walking past him but he grabbed your forearm, pulling you closer, his face a few inches away from yours, you could feel his hot breath.
"You're making a mistake."
"Don't worry. I'm here to teach, not to chased after you" you spat back, freeing yourself and leaving him standing there.
....
..
“SURPRISE” everyone screamed their lungs out the moment you stepped into the school's common room.
New faces, you only recognized Principal Yaga's face since he was invited to your wedding.
“Hello y/n sensei!! I'm Itadori Yuji, This is Fushiguro and this is Kugisaki.. we'll be your students” he said in a cheerful tone, giving you a genuine contagious smile.
You smile back, “nice to meet you Itadori-kun” .
“Y/N” started Mei Mei “Congrats for this post, and congrats for your wedding as well” she smiled giving you a hug.
“we heard a lot about you” added Utahime hugging you as well.
Gojo finally joined you, silently leaning against the door frame, observing as you interacted with his students and collegues.
“GOJO!! this beauty deserves a honey moon, can't believe you. You know teaching can wait” Mocked Mei Mei trying to embarrass you.
“Yeah true, newly wed couples should have other things to do instead of teaching” Teased Utahime, trying to offend both of you.
As he began to speak, you cut him off, "Nah, don't worry about us. We already talked and decided to postpone our honeymoon," you said, smiling, fully aware of their intentions.
Gojo approached, wrapping his strong arms around you. "Yeah, y/n and I did talk things out," he stated, leaning in to whisper in your ear, "I'll let this slip once. Don't get comfortable, acting like a real wife."
"You're the one clinging to me right now by the way" you retorted, prompting him to move away.
"Do you see that, Utahime? Not even a spark of love or respect between them," she smirked.
Gojo's Pov
Is that so, y/n? Trying to embarrass me and act like a real wife now. I'll need to put you in your place, and I think Utahime and Mei Mei might be useful this time...another woman will definitely push you away.
End of Pov
Taglist 🫶🏻:
@hermitkerm @smolbeanzzz @eolivy @sanriosatoru @khaleesihavilliard @ryumurin @bookswillfindyouaway
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poohsources · 7 months
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🐝  *  ―  𝑻𝑯𝑬 𝑳𝑬𝑮𝑬𝑵𝑫 𝑶𝑭 𝑲𝑶𝑹𝑹𝑨 𝑺𝑬𝑵𝑻𝑬𝑵𝑪𝑬 𝑺𝑻𝑨𝑹𝑻𝑬𝑹𝑺.
❛  so, i sort of started a civil war ...  ❜ ❛  i am so sorry for turning my back on you as my mentor.  ❜ ❛  i needed to understand what real suffering was, so i could become more compassionate to others.  ❜ ❛  what's the big idea with making me train this early in the morning? the morning is evil.  ❜ ❛  oh, i'm sorry. did i put you in a difficult position by fighting the giant force of pure evil that was going to destroy the whole world? maybe your administration could have handled that.  ❜ ❛  fighting is something the old me would do. that always made things worse.  ❜ ❛  let's go on a vacation, just the two of us. anywhere you want.  ❜ ❛  it's all right. people usually assume that i'm daddy's helpless little girl, but i can handle myself.  ❜ ❛  the world is in trouble ... i have to go help.  ❜ ❛  i'm impressed. no one has ever gotten the better of me like that.  ❜ ❛  i assure you, i have a plan. and i'm saving you for last; then you'll get your duel, and i will destroy you.  ❜ ❛  when we hit our lowest point, we are open to the greatest change.  ❜ ❛  i did what i had to do to survive and protect my little brother.  ❜ ❛  and ... what am i going to find if ... i get through this?  ❜ ❛  we should always learn from those who came before us, but we must also forge our own path.  ❜ ❛  why don't you come and find out?  ❜ ❛  if you look for the light, you can often find it. but if you look for the dark, that is all you will ever see.  ❜ ❛  you need to make decisions based on what you want. don't make the same mistakes i did.  ❜ ❛  i don't know what i'm supposed to be doing half the time.  ❜ ❛  right, friends. no, no, i didn't mean to imply.  ❜ ❛  i do like the idea of putting you on a train and sending you far, far away.  ❜ ❛  you need me, but i don't need you.  ❜ ❛  you swore your loyalty to me and i gave you a chance at greatness. this is how you repay me?  ❜ ❛  i told you dating a teammate would be a bad idea.  ❜ ❛  stick around five minutes and you'll find out who's bluffing.  ❜ ❛  wait! we can't fight them all. we need to be smart about this.  ❜ ❛  you know, it's okay to be scared. the important thing is to talk about our fears, because if we don't, they throw us out of balance. i'm always here for you, if you want to talk.  ❜ ❛  what i'm trying to say is, as much as you drive me crazy ... i also think you're pretty amazing.  ❜ ❛  see, that's what i admire about you, [ name ]: your willingness to go to extremes in order to get what you want. it is a quality we both share.  ❜ ❛  ending a relationship is kind of like pulling off a bloodsucking leech. you just gotta rip it off and get it over with. you'll feel a lot better afterwards. trust me.  ❜ ❛  don't tell me you are still mad about everything that happened?! i did some good things, too!  ❜ ❛  all right, hold on. will you quit ignoring me and tell me what's going on?  ❜ ❛  how about, for now, i just promise not to show up at your house and attack you again?  ❜ ❛  what would you do, if you were in charge? help me be more like you.  ❜ ❛  i wish you were putting up more of a fight, but it was still fun.  ❜ ❛  please, just let me say one thing, then i'll never contact you again.  ❜ ❛  i'm not sure i'll ever be able to forgive you. but that doesn't mean i shouldn't try.  ❜ ❛  i came here to look you in the eye and tell you that you have no power over me. i will no longer be scared of you.  ❜ ❛  but if you had any other options, you wouldn't be here now, would you? we may have been enemies once, but for now, our interests align.  ❜ ❛  you don't have to apologize for anything. i'm just so happy you're here now.  ❜
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chamomiletealeaf · 1 month
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Sweet as Pie
Chapter 4
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The willow tree was the biggest Simon had ever seen. It's long branches and leaves swayed in the light breeze and he found himself staring at it, admiring it in its grandeur.
"Pretty, i'n it?" You ask him, standing with him in front of the tree.
Not as pretty as you He thought.
"Gorgeous." Simon said, but he meant it more towards you than the tree.
"C'mon, come sit." You urged him along, as you moved the willow's leaves out the way, and you disappeared behind them.
He followed you and sat in the shade of the tree, wrapped and hidden away by the Weeping Willow, facing the lake. It was truly such a calming and beautiful sight. But yet again, Simon just couldn't focus on anything other than you and how your hair reminded him of the branches of the tree, just falling so gracefully and perfectly.
"I sit here a lot when I need somewhere quiet away from the house." You tell him with a smile as you stare at the lake, the both of you sitting against the tree's trunk.
"Y'know, I think there's some kind of magic in this tree." You continue. "No matter what could be goin' on, the world could be endin' and yet this tree will stay it's same, quiet self. And anything hidden behind it's leaves is immune to anything outside of them. It's like... A force field. A safety net. Everything, all the noise and bad things, just get left outside when you walk behind this wall of leaves."
"Feels that way." Simon responded. "You seem to know this place really well. You been here a while?" He asks.
"Been here all my life. House was my auntie's. One day she told me: 'y/n? When I'm dead an' gone this place gon' be yours. Keep it alive for me.' That's why I keep so many plants in it. To keep the life in that house my auntie always had. Treat em' like my babies." You confessed.
"I can see that." Simon joked, referring to not too long ago when he saw you dancing and taking care of them.
You laughed, and surprisingly, so did he.
"So what about you?" You asked, shifting the conversation.
"What is a handsome man like you doin' all the way out here alone?" You teased as you nudged his shoulder, a boldness taking over you.
Handsome? She thinks I'm handsome? Simon thought, and that damned blush he hated made it's way back onto his face for the umpteenth time.
"Military." He answered. "My best friend in my Task Force nearly died by a shot to the temple. I never thought my life meant anything which is why I dedicated it to the military but when I almost lost him, it was a wake up call. I realized I had something to live for, and I knew I shouldn't take life for granted so I wanted to try and do something for myself."
You looked at him with sympathy, listening to him intently.
"So, I bought that house to at least get a breath of air before I take my last. To experience something good for once."
Simon was shocked with how much he let slip out, but for some reason, he felt like he could trust you with his life.
"I'm sorry about your friend. I'm glad he's ok." You comfort him. "That must've been real scary. But I'm glad you're doin' something good for yourself. You deserve it. I'm sure he's happy for you too." You punctuated your sentence with a smile, and Simon smiled back.
You both sat there under the willow tree getting to know each other until the sun was just beginning to set.
"Simon?" You ask him.
"Hm." He answers.
"Would you like to come over for dinner tonight?" You ask softly and hopefully, and Simon's brain short circuits. Were you... actually interested in a man like him? Or maybe you were just being friendly.
"I'd love that." He says.
You smile at him again as you begin to stand up.
"Well, hope you like Shepherd's pie, sugar, cuz' i've been dyin' to bust out the ol' recipe for it." You brush off your cardigan and wrap it around yourself.
Simon stands up and brushed himself off, flattered that you want to cook for him. You were too sweet to him, and he wondered what he ever did in his life or past one to deserve the company of you.
"That sounds lovely." He smiles down at you and the both of you make your way back to your house.
As you two enter your little yellow house, Simon admires how nice it is. He looks at all your well-loved plants and the little trinkets adorning your shelves. He looks at your patterned furniture in the living room and notices a really old looking white wooden rocking chair with the paint peeling off of it in the corner. In it sat a dark green wool knit blanket. It looked so warm and comfortable, and he wondered how it felt compared to his old black and navy blue bedding.
"Well, here it is. This is home." You say proudly, closing the front door behind you two.
"It's lovely." He says, still looking at the blanket and rocking chair.
You notice him staring at it and take note of his curiosity.
"That's aunties old rocking chair. Been in the family for years. She used to sit in it and knit me all kinds of clothes. Now I sit in it and knit too. Made that there blanket myself." You tell him, gesturing to it.
"You made that?" He asks in shock. It was a huge blanket, and it looked so well made. Of course you made something so perfect like that. What couldn't you do?
"Yeah" You beam up at him. "Here." You say, and go to grab it from the rocking chair. You bring it back to him and wrap it around his shoulders.
"There you go hun'. It's yours." You say and wink at him.
He goes to take the blanket off his shoulders in protest.
"Oh no I, I can't take this you must have spent so much time on it."
"Oh please that's nothin', I saw the few boxes you brought into that house of yours, you ain't never gonna find yourself a nice blanket like this one. Trust me." You joke to reassure him as you grab his wrists to stop his movements and you wrap the blanket back around his shoulders.
Did she just, grab my wrists? Simon thought, the action taking him off guard and he felt heat run through his body that wasn't from the blanket.
Fuck stop stop stop don't blush He told to himself, or more to the blood rushing to his face.
"It's your color anyway." You say, taking a step back to look how the dark color brought out the brown of his eyes. Were his eyes always such a pretty, rich, honey color?
"Come on an' sit at the table while I get this started." You tell him, and he secretly liked how assertive you were. You wanted to take care of him, which is something Simon never experienced before. It made his heart melt.
He watched you cook for him and how you hushed him when he offered to help, and he felt a smile creep it's way onto his face. There was something so... intimate about what you were doing for him.
"You sure you don't want me to help?" He asked again.
"Oh hush now with all that, you just sit there and look pretty while I fix this up for you. Excited for you to try it. Haven't made this in forever." You tell him with a smile.
His heart jumped once again at your coddling, calling him pretty this time. God he was gonna have to make a list of all the sweet things you called him to remember them all for the nights he's feeling lonely. Or maybe, you would be there to tell him directly.
You placed a plate of shepherd's pie down in front of Simon and one for you across from him. You then set out two glasses and went to the fridge to take out a pitcher of iced tea. With a mischievous smile, you poured some into both glasses and sat down. Little did Simon know, he was gonna taste the sweetest, most tooth rotting iced tea he's ever gonna have.
"Thank you y/n." Simon said, then took a sip of the iced tea. You brought your own glass to your lips and took a sip as well.
Then Simon placed his glass down with a coughing fit and you let out a cackle.
"Bloody hell what did you put in that?" Simon asked between coughs and you were losing it.
"That right there, is some authentic southern sweet tea baby." You laughed.
"Christ if a bullet doesn't kill me that sure will." He laughed, his coughing subsiding.
"Well do you like it at least?" You ask.
Simon took another sip, preparing himself this time, then nodded after a second.
"Yeah... I could get used to it." He smiled at you, and you smiled back.
"Go on an' eat now, look like you haven't had a thing all day." You said, as you picked up your fork to try your freshly prepared meal.
Simon did the same, and when he took a bite of the Shepherd's pie, he swears he'd never tasted anything better in his life.
"Holy shit." He says with his mouth full.
You look up at him from your plate with wide eyes, hoping he likes it.
"This is the best damn thing I've ever had." He said, taking bite after bite.
You giggle, glad he enjoys it so much.
"Really? Ok good, I was nervous. Haven't made it in a while." You confess with the biggest smile on your face, watching the big man in front of you eat like he hasn't in weeks.
By the time you finish your plate, Simon has already finished two and downed his sweet tea.
"I haven't had a meal like that since before the military." Simon says, leaning back in his char satisfied, wrapping the blanket back around his shoulders.
You finish off the rest of your sweet tea then place the glass down to answer him.
"What? Really?" You ask in shock and horror, wondering why this mountain of a man hasn't been eating the way he's supposed to.
"Oh baby we gotta change that." You say with a laugh.
There it is again. Simon thinks. Baby.
He doesn't know how to react, all the affection he's receiving from you, someone he just met, was more than any affection he's had his entire life.
"Here, lemme help you clean up." Simon offers, standing up and grabbing his plate.
But you stand up too and reach for the plate in his hands.
"Uh-uh, I got it, you're a guest tonight." You say, hands going to take his plate.
Simon pulls it back so you can't grab it.
"No no please, you've done so much for me already. I got it." He says, and you stand there for a second, considering.
"Ok." You say, giving in to his warm, brown puppy eyes he's giving you.
"Just place it right there in the sink." You tell him.
After you two clean up, Simon realizes how late it got. Time with you seemed to fly.
"Well, I better get home now." He says sadly, not wanting to let the night end, but he doesn't want to keep you up taking care of him. "Thank you so much again, y/n." He says, smiling down at you in the kitchen.
"You're welcome, Simon." You say, now smiling up at him.
You two stay there for a few seconds, just smiling at each other, enjoying each other's presence and proximity.
"Here, lemme walk you out." You say, breaking the moment first.
You both walk to the front door together, him trailing behind you and taking note of how cute the sway of your hips is as you walk. You open the door for him and you both look at each other again.
"Goodnight, y/n, I had a good time." Simon says.
"You're welcome, me too." You reply. Then you notice he doesn't have the blanket you gave him. Your eyes widen and you gasp, making Simon's eyebrow rise in concern.
"Oh my god, wait, your blanket!" You say and hurry off to the kitchen where the blanket was draped over the kitchen table's chair and bring it back to him.
"Here you are honey." You say, as you reach up on your toes to place it around his shoulders.
Simon grips the ends of the blanket and tugs it the rest of the way around his shoulders.
"Don't want you to forget that." You smile up at him. "You're gonna sleep real well with that, trust me." You say.
"I'm sure I will. Thank you." He says, smiling back.
"Goodnight Simon." You tell him softly, smile never leaving your face.
"Goodnight y/n." He reciprocates in the same soft tone.
He turns to walk out the door and onto the porch, then looks back at you before turning around to make his way back to his house.
You lean in the doorway, crossing your arms over your chest as you watch him walk away, feeling warm despite the night's brisk air, then you return back into your house when he reaches his own, smiling to yourself for the rest of the night.
Simon makes his way to his room, but not before looking at your house through his kitchen window one last time, watching the lights turn off inside them.
He enters his room and sits on his bed, wrapping the blanket still on his shoulders tighter around himself. He lays down, bringing it up to his nose to take in the scent of your house, trying to etch it into his brain forever.
He gets lost in how warm the blanket is and how it smells so much like you that his eyelids get too heavy before he can change into his night clothes. The thought and smell of you overwhelms his senses in the best way and he finds himself falling asleep to their comfort.
And as he slept, not a single nightmare creeped it's way into his mind. How could they? His mind was already occupied with dreams of you.
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