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strangelysamantha · 3 years

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hey, i have a jj maybank request! fem!reader, possible angst!

so basically, y/n is a pogue and gets along with the other pogues (john b, pope, sarah, kiara & cleo) except for jj. y/n is always bright, a total sweetheart and bubbly and jj…hates it.

john b recently opens up a surf board shop on that stranded island that they’re on?? and he leaves y/n and jj alone to polish some boards hoping that they’d get along. jj complains about every little thing y/n does and starts calling her names. she gets really upset and storms out the shop to clear her head. she goes by the water for a swim but a dangerous tide picks her up and jj notices and saves her?? hopefully this makes sense!

the deep end ☆

jj maybank x fem!reader.

warnings: mentions of drowning, jj being an asshole, swearing.

words: 1,674.

summary: jj somehow finds everything you do annoying to the point he criticizes everything you do. john b thinks of a plan that will ensure his two friends will befriend each other. it was working at first, until it wasn’t.

request? yes!

a/n: y’all have such good ideas what the?! thank you for the request! if you enjoyed please like and comment. this is angst with fluff at the end. <3 BTW i am from missouri and have never surfed so i hope i got the polishing of the surfboards correct. :)

my masterlist

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john b always had a plan, well usually he did. if two of his friends were fighting, he would always find a way to get them to get along. he knew that stranding kiara and sarah on a boat together in the middle of nowhere would force them to fix their friendship. so, with that knowledge, he knew that he could do the same thing with jj and you.

you were always nice to jj, he just seemed to get annoyed with you all the time. you didn’t know what you had done, if you had even done something. he just always felt the need to critique you. it became harder and harder everyday to ignore him.

since washing up on the abandoned island, john b was ecstatic for his brand new start. unsurprisingly to anyone, his first idea for creating a new civilization would be a surf shack. he started building it right away. you would occasionally help, but he was determined to do it on his own so he would always send you away.

“okay! john b what would you like my help with? i can do anything you need. just let me know.” you smile brightly at john b, while he stared at you. “listen, i love you. but, i don’t need your help at the moment. you should talk to everyone else.” you frown at his words, “fine. but you better get me the minute you need assistance.” he nodded. “will do.” and with that, you left joining the others.

jj was talking to cleo before silencing upon your arrival. “hey everyone!” you smile at the group in front of you. “hey! how’s john b?” kiara asked. “i think he is good, he’s actually pretty much done.” you play with the bracelet on your wrist. kiara nods, “that’s great.” pope smiles, “statistically speaking, we can’t ensure that his shack will be entirely safe as he built it all on his own.” you stare at pope. “true… we’ll let’s hope it doesn’t collapse on him.” pope smiled at you, glad you listened to his random fact.

jj groaned. “awe, how sweet pope!! you found a girl who wasn’t disgusted by your weird and useless knowledge.” you gasp in shock, “jj! shut up you are so rude.” jj laughs, “it’s just a joke, why do you always have to be so offended?” you glare at jj. “jj it’s not funny, you’re just a dick.” pope sighs. “it’s okay, don’t worry.” you frown in popes direction. you quietly pull away from the group. you walk to an area of sand, plopping yourself down. that’s when john b approached you.

“hey, remember when i told you i would come get you when i needed help?” john b smiled at you. “yes! do you need my help?” you tilt your head to the side, waiting. he nods. “i need you to wax up some of the boards i made.” you nod. “okay! sure.” he walked you to his shack, helping you set up. you began waxing the board, paying attention to the direction and the amount of wax you were applying. john b waits a minute watching you, before he decides to leave.

after a minute, you see jj approaching the shack with john b who held a smug smile on his lips. you shake your head, confused. “friends.” he looked between you and jj. jj held an unamused look on his face. “as my close friends, you will wax these boards for me. you can’t stop until you guys fix whatever feud is going on between the two of you.” john b stands his ground. jj scoffs, “we don’t have a feud.” you nod your head in agreement. “jj is right, his hatred is definitely one sided... it is not a feud.” you laugh softly seeing jj send a glare your way. “yeah okay. whatever guys. just fix it, and if you even try and leave, i’ll send cleo after both of you.” your eyebrows lift in shock. you mutter a quick okay, returning your attention to the board.

jj stares at you, watching you apply the wax. he couldn’t help but get upset. everything you did just made him annoyed. he grabbed the wax, working on the board right by yours. silence falls over the two of you. it’s not awkward or weird, it actually feels quite normal. until jj interrupted it so he could judge you.

“youre doing it wrong. i mean come on.” you stare at jj, “jj please just focus on your own board.” you shake your head, continuing to polish the surfboard. he glares at you. “whatever. just keep doing what you are doing, and then john b or i will fix it after you.” his attention turned back to his board. you rolled your eyes. “i will, thank you.” he breathes in, inhaling the waxy scent. “you are so annoying you know that?” you ignore jj’s words, focusing on the board. he continues, “i mean everything you do. everything you say, it pisses me off.” you nod slightly. “you done?”

“no, actually i’m not.” you bite your lip, fixating on the wax that is spreading along the smooth surface. jj stops waxing the surfboard. you look up to see he is already staring at you. “you know, you act like you are better than us, i mean why do you hang out with us anyway?” jj waits but continues when he realizes you won’t reply. “you are fake, you are so upbeat and bubbly that it’s annoying. you are a double sided two faced bitch who says anything to get in good graces.” you inhale, looking up at him.

“listen jj. we are stranded on this fucking island. TOGETHER. so either drop it and move on, or just shut the fuck up and stay away from me.” you place your hands on your hips, breathing slightly staggered from anger. “everyone speaks so highly of you saying how great you are; but the only jj i’ve met is a total douche. if you hate me so much then just stay the fuck away from me. if you continue you’ll just be wasting your breath and energy anyway.” jj holds back a laugh at your sudden outburst.

“you really think if i had the choice, i would want to be here? especially with you?” jj asked, you already knowing the answer. you stay silent. “exactly. no one can deal with you for that long anyway.” you roll your eyes.

“whatever jj. you win.” you toss the wax to the side, frowning. you don’t turn back to him, you just ignore him. you start to walk towards the beaches seashore. it was getting slightly hot, so you decided to take a dip into the water.

you were salvaging the few moments of freedom you had, before you got john b’s and cleo’s wrath from leaving the scene before mending the friendship with jj. it was practically impossible. what did jj have against you? you tip toed into the water, getting deeper and deeper. you floated at the top of the water; the coolness feeling great on top of your hot skin.

jj truly had the biggest nerve, your mind was overwhelmingly clogged. you felt seaweed scratch against the bottom of your foot, this caused you to jump, your adrenaline levels rising since you thought it was a fish. you try to remain afloat, but the high tide caused the waves to crash right over you repeatedly, being faster and higher than ever. you went above water trying to shout for help, but your mouth was filled, causing no sound to come out. you thrash against the water, kicking to stay afloat. your throat was burning, your legs tired from kicking, and your lungs filled with liquid.

a pair of hands wrap around your stomach, dragging you out the water. you were placed on the warm sand. “shit.” jj stared at you. your head felt light. jj’s hand began pumping your chest, curses falling from his mouth. “come on, just breathe. please.” you cough, the salt water exiting your lungs, and dropping onto your neck. you gasp for air, opening your eyes to be met with jj’s face. you breathe heavily for a minute.

“jj… thank you.” you sit up, pulling him into a tight hug. your hands wrap around his neck, one of them grabbing his hair. his arms held tightly around your waist. his chest was heaving heavily, shaking slightly. “i hate to be so cliché j, but you genuinely saved my life.” he frowns at you. “i almost lost you.”

jj’s confession confused you. “what?” you say softly, your hand combed through his hair. “look. the reason i’m so mean to you, is because i knew that if i was nice to you, my already intense feelings for you would only amplify.” you frown at him. “you’ve had a crush on me this whole time?” jj nodded. you went to talk, but your friends interrupted the moment.

john b rushed to your side, kiara and pope swiftly behind him. “what happened!! we were watching from over there.” john b pointed in a direction farther away. “one minute you were swimming… the next you we’re gone!?” you wipe your neck, trying to dry it off. “jj saved my life. i almost drowned.” you frown, the group in front of you nodded. “im so glad you are okay.” kiara bent down pulling you into a hug. “i’m glad you are safe now too.” pope joined in on the hug; as well as everyone else.

sarah, kiara, and cleo bend down, reaching for your hands. they help you up, dragging you to your feet. they walk you away from the crowd, bombarding you with questions. “so when you were drowning what did it feel like??” you turn around watching jj, you smile slightly before turning to them. “oh get ready for the amount of details i’m going to give you guys.”

possibly a part two…??? not sure yet :) <3 also!! i’m proofreading this tomorrow since i’m not entirely sure if it has errors or not! ily!!

#jj maybank obx #jj maybank #jj maybank x reader angst #fiction #writing #jj maybank x fem!reader #jj maybank fanfic #jj maybank angst #jj maybank imagine #outerbanks fanfics #outer banks imagines #outer banks story #outer banks angst #jj maybank one shot #jj maybank outer banks #jj maybank obx fanfic #jj x fem!reader

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aenniesryu · 3 years

Text

tsukikage middle school exes

tsukishima kei and kageyama tobio. both in their first year of high school and are also teammates since they played in the same vb team for their school

ofc everyone is well aware of the fact that these two kind of hated each other. not that it was an obvious fact to begin with since ever from the beginning the two would constantly bicker and throwing insults at one another

however, that was it. that was the only thing everyone knows about the two. the team even had to separate the two of them when things escalated quickly just to make sure none of them will started to throw fits

no one knows the actual reason as to why they would bicker every so often. the team just thought that the two have so different perceptions towards volleyball that makes them so hard to get along with

the team did tried to help them to get along but it just ended up with them constantly at each others throat arguing about whatever it is

what the team actually didnt know is that tsukishima and kageyama once dated back then in their middle school days.

so basically the entire thing going on between those two were just them being salty because of 1) the break up and also 2) their mindset when it comes to volleyball

tsukishima and kageyama once dated before despite them not attending the same school

but, both were living in the same neighbourhood and their houses were basically next to each other making it easier for them to constantly see each other

however, that was a year ago before kageyama's family decided to move to another neighbourhood

no, the break up was not because of them moving because they would still see each other if they put more efforts in it

the break up on the other hand was because of this one major thing. it was a silly reason but nevertheless it was the thing that made them broke up and that thing is volleyball

yes, volleyball. even tho both were playing for their respective teams back in middle school, their perspective when it comes to volleyball differs too much.

kageyama being the volleyball freak he is would just spent most of his times practicing his serve. even on the weekends. tsukishima, however didnt really took it seriously when it comes to volleyball ever since it was just a club anyway, right?

with kageyama spending more and more time with his practice, tsukishima was left alone. they barely even get to meet each other because of them being in different schools and then kageyama's free time was now full with volleyball alone

tsukishima might felt a lil bit jealous since kageyama, his boyfriend at that time would constantly talked about oikawa. it's always oikawa this and oikawa that. he knows kageyama only meant no harm and hes just looking up onto his senior who plays really well.

tsukishima was fine with that. yeah, he really does because never once did he ever tell kageyama to shut up whenever he talks about oikawa.

what was not fine was that kageyama spent the only free time they had on volleyball. it was the only time that they would be able to hang out and go outside but suddenly it stopped. no more seeing each other, no more dates and no more talking to each other

yes, kageyama did tell him over and over again that he feels sorry and that he just needs to prepare himself to be the best for their team

tsukishima did understand him but as time passed by, tsukishima became selfish. well that's what he thought. hes tired of waiting. he shouldn't be blamed when all he wanted was for his boyfriend attention

then 2 months before the very important match for kageyama, tsukishima went and break things off. and just like that they are no longer boyfriends or friends

kageyama moving to another neighbourhood just make things a lil bit easier since they wont be seeing each other anymore after the break up

"What the fck was that kageyama?" Tsukishima is now in rage with his once called boyfriend. They were in the middle of a practice match where they were divided into two different teams and just to make them work along together and maybe become friends, coach ukai and daichi thought it would be the best to put them into the same group. Oh how wrong they were because now they are fight again.

"I just did what's the best for the team. All you need to do is jump a lil bit higher than usual for that toss. you are already tall enough, make sure of it for once" kageyama was surprisingly calm when he said that but only god knows how scared he felt whenever tsukishima raised his voice at him because he got irritated. it wasnt a pleasant sight to see and get into especially when tsukishima is dmn mad. like the situation they are in now.

"yes my height alone is enough and that is why, you as the setter should take in mind that I would perfectly score if you just tossed me the ball right at where my hand can reach. making me go through all the hard work just to reach that fcking ball you threw is just wasting my energy" tsukishima is really not having it. not only did kageyama sent him a high ball, hes also pissed that kageyama made him wasted his energy in jumping higher than he normally do.

"excuse me? I'm just doing what's the best for the team. I'm taking out that fcking capability that you have in you that you decides to freaking hide and toss it away, just because you think putting an effort even the slightest of it into the match is a waste of your time" now kageyama started to boiled up. he knows that tsukishima has a lot of talent when it comes to volleyball, he knows that really well. perks of being his boyfriend throughout their middle school years. well honestly kageyama thinks tsukishima is just wasting his talent with his kind of mindset.

everyone at the gym are just staring and listening to them arguing. daichi was closed to tear them apart and continue with the practice match, but before he can do that sugawara stop him. daichi was not having it but sugawara had something else in mind. he thinks that maybe them arguing this time would make the rest of the team to get a grip on what making them argue in the first place. and maybe the truth would unfold without them needing to ask tsukishima and kageyama. coach ukai seems to have the same thoughts too since he make no moves in stopping them. so the team just understands and silently look at them and wait for more.

"I dont get your obsession with drawing the team's talent or whatsoever because you ended up getting more demanding. I thought you were a setter. didnt setter usually can already feel his teammates thoughts? im here just doing what I have to do during practice and waiting for it to end like it always did but you? you just have to screw up everything. im already tired but you clearly didnt see that! just what kind of a setter who acted like a dictator and yet hes not even the leader of the team? tell me!" tsukishima yelled his frustration out. he wants this to end just so he can go back to his house and do whatever he finds interesting. and basically volleyball is not one of them.

kageyama didnt said anything after that. he felt bad and all the memories from when his old team abandoned him during a play starter clouding his mind. to make it worse he's on the verge of breaking down. his eyes are filled with tears but he held them back. hearing those things from someone you love didnt really felt the greatest.

"what? now you decided to stayed silent? why? just realizing how my words are true and theres no point in denying it? did you ever just sit back and think about how your shitty your attitude is in court? about how tired your teammates felt trying to satisfy you? this is literally the reason why your old teammate decided to abandoned you in the middle of the match. because you are so demanding and it stresses them out more than the actual game is" just when he finished saying what he needed to say, kageyama slap him. when tsukishima turn to see him, kageyama is already crying.

"YOU! out of all people in this world should know how important volleyball is to me. you should've known that theres literally nothing I can do aside from volleyball. you shouldn't have said that if you know what I went through the entire year. and then at the end? what did I get? I get abandoned. not only by my teammates but I was also abandoned by my own family. just to make things even worse, you fcking break up with me at the times when I needed you the most kei. the one person i thought that would always stay by my side. but you didn't even listen to the shit I have to tell you because you completely shut me off. I went through every single thing alone. All by myself. I practice alone, think of the best strategies for my own team on my own because I was pressured AND threatened by the coach, I came back to an empty house and freaking live alone. theres no one I can even call and relied to!! I cant even call the person I love because hes sick of me. all I ever wanted was people to appreciate my efforts even tho it's only in volleyball. I wanted YOU to be proud of me above anything else because I cant reach your level when it comes to academic. I wanted to be perfect for you and all I ever wanted was for people around me to be proud of me for the one thing I'm capable of but all I get is people abandoning me!!"

silence. theres no sound can be heard in the gym aside from kageyama's heavy breathing. everyone is just stunned with the sudden confession. not only did they just heard kageyama's biggest fear but they also heard the part where he mentioned about their break up. tsukishima and kageyama were a thing before? they were dating? since when?"

"tobio-" tsukishima breaks the silence. hes panicking but he didn't know what do to because everything is just too sudden and all he can think of is how shitty of a boyfriend he was during the time that they were dating. thats what his brain has been saying. after all never once did he ever asked how kageyama was feeling. he was indeed selfish and everything is all his fault. if only he stayed-

kageyama seems to snapped back into reality when he heard tsukishima called him by his given name. he panicked. he just spilled everything in front of the team.

"i-im sorry. I should just go home. I'm really sorry you guys have to witness such a pity side of myself" kageyama chuckled and wipe his tears. "coach, i would like to take a break from the team for the time being. again, I'm sorry for the inconvenience. I'll see you guys later" and with that kageyama walked out of the gym ignoring his teammates eyes and the calls.

"what the hell just happened" tanaka said as the argument really is tensed and they literally just heard something that is kept secret between tsukishima and kageyama.

"tsuki, you and kageyama-" yamaguchi said softly as to not add any more anger in tsukishima. after all tsukishima kind of had an anger issue.

"ugh fuck, yes we did." tsukishima sigh. theres really nothing he can do. everyone knows and they probably think its his fault anyways. but the team has the opposite thoughts than him

"I honestly dont know what to say" sugawara said to him. he really wanted to help but it's not in his power to do so. all he can do is give them advice.

"ha, no need. I already know it's my fault. you guys can blame me. I would gladly accept it"

"What? No" were the replies he get from his team members. he was clueless coz after all kageyama wouldnt turn into a tyrant if only he stayed and didnt leave.

"we didnt blame you. both of you were young that time it was just normal for you to feel he loved you less. but you two lack in communication which leads to this whole entire mess. idk what you two went through and how long you've been together, it's not my business. but, all I can say is that you two need some closure. and clearly none of you even moved on from the past. arguing with each other every other day isnt the healthiest way to cope with the break up. just please sort this out with him. hes in pain and so are you." enoshita who has been quite the entire time decided to speak up. he do got a point especially with that lack communication between tsukishima and kageyama. sooner or later he needed to settle this whole mess before it started to drag the entire team. kageyama is the regular player in their team, and even with sugawara who can replace him as a setter, kageyama really is needed in the team. hinata also needed kageyama.

"I know I'm the last person you want to hear this from.. but tsukishima please bring kageyama back to the team. I needed him. the team too. and I think you needed him too. so please, I will do whatever it takes to help get him back into the team" hinata cried out. after all they were the freaky duo. they relied more on one another.

"but didnt kageyama only asked to take a break? it's not like he would just quit" nishinoya chipped in. "indeed he said that, but we are not sure on how long would the break be. it can be days, weeks, months and even years." coach ukai reasoned.

"let's just stop here. you guys can go home now. I will cancel tomorrow's practice so please just take a good rest. We'll continue our practice on the day after that. And you tsukishima" coach ukai added and turn to look at tsukishima with a soft look. It was a rare sight to see but they know it's for the best

"yes?"

"idk what you are planning to do. whether you sort things out and talk to kageyama or you didnt do anything about it is up to you. just clear out your minds whenever you came intl practice. we already less in one member, we didnt need to lose another one"

"thank you coach!"

listen, idek what I'm doing but I'm just gonna post this even tho I know it was bad because honestly when I reread this I felt truly nothing lmao but my friend said it was good/okay idk dont really trust her but hey, the very least I can do is post this here so I can move on(?) welp, enjoy ig.

#haikyuu fic #haikyuu ships #haikyuu #haikyuu angst #tsukikage #tsukishima kei #kageyama tobio

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maira-writes-shit · 3 years

Text

Salt, saltier, Yahaba and Shirabu

Haikyuu Yahaba Shigeru and Shirabu Kenjirou friendship

Fluff, mild angst, Yahashira childhood friends

Yahaba and Shirabu met when they were 8.Some may ask: How did that happen? Well this is the story:

Both of them had been dragged to a business dinner by their parents...

Shigeru’s parents were business people. That’s just what they were.Everything they did, they did it for business.

They got married for tax benefits and to combine their companies. Sure they did love each other but that wasn’t the main reason they got married.

They got children for image. They used them to seem closer to the „average family“, to try and seem more trust worthy and kind.

So that’s what he was here for.“And this is our son Shigeru.“,his mother said with a fake smile on her thin lips. She was talking to a small woman with copper hair. Something suddenly moved behind her legs and Yahaba tried to get a glance.

The woman took a step back and a boy with the same copper hair as the woman became visible.

He was a little bit shorter than Shigeru, had chocolate brown eyes and a pale complexion.

“Well this is Kenjirou!“, Shigeru’s mother put out her hand, she had to crouch down a little do to her wearing the heels that her son always wonder how she could even walk in, the boy -Kenjirou- took her hand and nodded to her.

The two women walked away chatting with equally fake smiles and cheerful voices, leaving their sons on their own.

The awkward silence between stretched out for multiple minutes until Kenjirou sighed.

“I’m Kenjirou Shirabu...“

“Well I know that.“, Shigeru whispered looking away.

“Hey jerk! I’m trying to talk to you!“ „Well you're not succeeding!“ „You’re talking to me, right?!“

Shigeru opened his mouth but shut it again.

He was right

The taller pouted.

“Why are you like this?“

“I’m trying to not fuck this up for my parents.“ at that Shigeru looked up at Kenjirou.

„What do you mean?“ „We just moved here and my dad says he needs friends under the other higher ups...“...“I’m Shigeru Yahaba. You’re the first other kid I’ve seen here.“

“Really?“ „Yeah. I only come along for the image.“„Well I guess we will probably have to cross paths a few more times so-“, Kenjirou extended a hand with a sly look on his face „-We should probably get along.“

Start

They were 11.

They had ended up on the same middle school.

Easy to say:The teachers both hated and loved them.

Both were smart and talented people and they knew it. And they abused it.

They didn’t pay attention in class and would always make snarky remarks only loud enough for each other to hear because they knew they could keep up.

Fun

They were 12.

“You know...I think I wanna join the volleyball club.“

Kenjirou looked up from his homework a bit startled.

“Huh?“ „I mean every time we play in gym class I just have so much fun and it makes me feel good! You know?“

Do I know? Yes I do know.

“I feel like I have the control yet at the same time I can play in a team!“

“I want to join too!“ „Really?!“ „Yeah! We can play together!“

Friendship

They were 14.

Sweat was dripping down Shigeru’s face.

24:23 for the other team...it seems useless...

The silver haired boy turns his face to his best friend.

I can’t do it. It’s too much.

Those thoughts wash away as soon as he sees him.

He was determined.

That’s what he admired the most about Kenjirou...he didn’t give up.

Shigeru was weak alone. All it took was a B on a test to send him spiraling but Kenjirou was always there.Kenjirou was his setter and Shigeru was his spiker.

They were feared for being able to know exactly what the other was thinking.

They were a threat.

Shigeru couldn’t do it on his own...but he wasn’t on his own.

Kenjirou was there and he was looking at Shigeru with that look of determination that always made him go though with all the shit they thought of.

They won.

Determination

They were 14.

This wasn’t normal.

He shouldn’t feel like this.

But he did.

Chikara Ennoshita.

The brown haired boy had been his and Shigeru’s friend since the start of middle school. He was smart, determined, kind and he was able to handle the combined salt level of both Shigeru and Kenjirou.

He had been his first real friend after Shigeru.

And now here he was...having a crush on him.

That’s all it was though: a crush. Still...he was a guy...This wasn’t right.

“Kenjirou? You ok?“

The copper haired boy jumped a bit at his best friends voice. He looked up and-“Shigeru I think im gay-“

Why did I say that? I never planned on telling anyone! Let alone Shigeru...what will he think of me now-?

“Same.“

“Wait what?“

“Well I’m not completely gay- I do also like girls...so bi? Maybe even pan or something...I don’t know yet.“

„Wait you aren’t surprised?“ „Shirababe...nothing about you staring at Chikas ass is subtle. Turn the horny down child!“ „I AM OLDER THAN YOU!“

“NO YOURE NOT! WELL AT LEAST NOT MENTALLY!“, Shigeru threw a pillow into Kenjirou‘s face.

The shorter got hit right in the face and let out a dramatic gasp while throwing the pillow right back.

“STOP WITH YOUR MENTAL SHIT, ASSHOLE!“

Acceptance

They were almost 16.

“Wait what?“

“I said I’m going to apply for Shiratorizawa.“

“But-we said we would got to Seijoh together!“

“Well there is still the possibility of me failing the exam because we both know I won’t get a sports scholarship.“

“Oh who are you kidding!? You are going to pass that exam with flying colors!“

“Well thank you.“

„KENJIROU YOU PROMISED!“

“I WAS LIKE 13!“

“YOU SAID- You said you won’t leave me alone...“

“Oh boo hoo! Little baby Yahaba can’t take being alone!“

Yahaba? He had never called me that...

“Well that may have to do with the fact that you always need to show me that your better than me in everything, Shirabu!“They stared each other down.

Sure they had had fights over the years but nothing quite like this.

There was so much to lose.

But also so much to gain.

I can’t do it. It’s too much.

Shigeru walked away.

Fear

They were 16.

Kenjirou had made it to Shiratorizawa.

He looked down at his test results with a grain of salt though.

He had passed with flying colors...just like he had said...

They hadn’t talked since their fight. They had graduated without a word to each other and now they were separated.

Shigeru got his test scores back some time ago, he would go to Seijoh after summer break.

Ennoshita would go to a different school as well.

Kenjirou‘s Heart hurt a bit at That thought as well. Not only was Chikara his only other real friend but Kenjirou also still had his stupid crush on him.

Kenjirou Shirabu was sitting in his room alone.

He was alone.

He had forgotten what that felt like.

Ever since that faithful day 8 years ago Shigeru- no Yahaba- had always been there somehow. Kenjirou had always seen him or texted him in some way and even when they were fighting he would always have Chikara to talk to.

But now both of them were gone.

Empty

They were 16.

Everything reminded them that the other wasn’t there.

It hurt.It hurt worse than when Yahaba got rejected by the girl he liked.

It hurt worse than Shirabu being beaten in his favorite subject.

It hurt more than the punches exchanged when they fought over something so seemingly little now that they forgot what it was.

How do you feel after the person you spent half your life with leaves?

Broken

Lost

Alone

They were 16.

„Yaha-Chan we Are playing a practice match today and I want to put you in.“

The dyed brown haired teen turned around a bit startled.

“But Oikawa-san I’m not even that good! I just started really playing this position! I can’t possibly-“ „Trust yourself more Yaha-chan!“

Yeah as if that’s so easy...Kenjirou was my setter and I was his spiker...I honestly just wanted to try this position but-

“I can see you overthinking Yaha-chan!“, Shigeru’s senpai snapped him out of his spiraling thoughts.

„You are a great setter Yahaba. Don’t forget that.“

The younger looked up from the ground.Instead of the usual sing songy voice of Oikawa those words were said with a kind yet very stern voice.

He cracked a little smile.

Change

They were 16.

Winning.

That was what he did all of this for.

Winning.

So this was being part of a real team, huh?

He only stood on the court for a few minutes but here he was...screaming, laughing and hugging his teammates.

The last time I was this happy I was with Shigeru-

The copper haired boy turned around to the other side of the net.

There he was.

Yahaba Shigeru was crouching over a third year crying on the floor.He went around giving everyone water bottles.

He hadn’t played.

He had sat on the bench observing and filling up water bottles.

Anger rose in Kenjirou. How could they not let him play? There was definitely more than one of the third year spikers that was way worse than Shigeru!

Why won’t they let him play?

Or did he choose to not play?

Did they think they could win against Shiratorizawa and then use him as a secret weapon?

What was up with him?

He was slapped on the back by his senpai, their setter Semi Eita.

One eye contact was all Semi need to check up on him...

One eye contact and he could feel himself falling.

He wanted to tell Shigeru.

Longing

They were 16.

Loss.

That was the worst part about this.

Losing.Shigeru was on his bed looking up at the ceiling, like he and Kenjirou used to do when they told story’s till 2am.

His phone pinged.

Bangsie:

“Heh“, Shigeru smiled. He had forgotten to reset the nickname.

What does he want though? Rub his win under my nose? Tell me how much better than me he is again?

He picked up his phone anyways.

Bangsie: Shigeru we need to talk...same place

Same place.

Shigeru knew what he meant by that.

When his older brother was younger their parents had bought him a little treehouse at the outskirts of the woods not far from the Shirabu residents.

They would go there when Shigeru‘s little brother was being noisy, they wanted to get away or they just didn’t feel safe enough at home.

The Fake brunette sighed and put on his shoes.

Fixing

They were 16.

He came.

They sat in silence.

Until The copper haired boy broke the silence: „I’m sorry.“

„I know I made a promise and I knew what it meant to you but-“„No no I get it! Shiratorizawa fits your needs as a person and for your future more...I was being selfish.“

“But you had all right to be! Your brother left you behind and he was the only one there for you, I did the same!“

“Don’t fucking blame yourself for my problems!“

They stared at each other down for a good minute until they broke and they ended up hugging and crying.

The next hours were spent catching up.

Shigeru learned about Kenjirou’s crush on his upperclassman Semi.

Kenjirou learned about a guy named Kyoutani that absolutely drove Shigeru crazy and now even quit.

He also learned that Shigeru had switched to being a setter.

The night ended like many nights in the treehouse ended: with them curled up in blankets falling asleep on each other.

Home

They were 17.

I need to get better. I need to work harder. I can’t stop-

„Yahaba!“

The ball dropped on the other side of the court and he turned around to see his spiky haired senpai Iwaizumi.

“You are overworking yourself, Yahaba...“ „Oh I’m sorry I didn’t-“ „Oh no you know exactly what you’re doing! I already have one of you dumbasses!“, he looked at Oikawa, standing in the door talking to a few fan girls.

“Don’t freak out too much, ok?“, he sounded concerned...

“I’ll try, Iwaizumi-san!“

Shigeru hurried out of the locker room.

He was late to his and Kenjirou’s weekly movie night!

While he was mentally crossing all the things in his bag off a list as to not forget what to bring the boy ran into someone...and crashed to the ground.

“Hey watch were your going!“ the guy he bumped into only gave a little growl as answer.Kyoutani.

Of course it was Kyoutani.

“You’re good...“ came a little murmur from besides him where Kyoutani had apparently set off into the same way as him home.

Shigeru raised an eyebrow.

“You’re a good Player...“ Shigeru shoot around at that.

“Wh-what? You t-think I’m a g-good player?“

“I mean yeah...“Shigeru could feel a flush creep up his cheeks.

Wait what? Im supposed to hate him! He quit the team! But...

Diffrents

They were 17.

“This arm has to be a bit higher.“

Kenjirou was maybe having a so called gay panic.

Semi was too close. He was also correcting his form and touching him in all these places- Kenjirou couldn’t do this.

He threw the ball into the air, jumped and smashed that ball to the ground.

“Not so bad-Not so bad! But there is still some things you need to work on.“

“Well I wanna see you do a jump serve.“, he whispered.“As you wish, Shirabu my highness.“ The older said with a little bow before he got up to serve.

Kenjirou refuses to admit that his heart danced a little cha cha cha when Semi said his name.

The ash blond threw the ball up into the air, the perfect hight, he took two large steps and leaped into the air and finally his hand made contact with he ball and hit the ground with a beautiful thudh.

Kenjirou stood in awe for a few minutes before he excused himself to the bathroom.

Beauty

They were 17.

The ball dropped.

They lost.

Again.

Shiritorizawa won.

Again.

Again

They were 17.

They were sitting in the treehouse again.

„You guys played really well you know...“The copper haired boy looked over at his best friend and found the tear rolling down his face.

Neither one of them have ever been good at putting their feelings into words so all Kenjirou did was hold him.

Hold him while he crys.

Emotions

They were 17.

Karasuno.

Every point was a battle for power.

Yahaba got to play again...

He got to feel the ball in his hands again...

He made points!

He let the ball drop...This was his fault.

He thought he could be better, he thought he could finally face off against Kenjirou but no.

He was still weak.That’s all he was.

Weak

They were 17.

“This will be our first practice match with you as captain Shirabu.“, Kenjirou’s Coach looked at him. „You can do it.“

The new captain smiled and walked behind his team again.

“Hello and welcome at Seijoh!“ a familiar voice said. Kenjirou smiled.

“It’s a pleasure to win agains you.“

“Hahaha win? Yeah sure! We will stomp you to dust, Shirabu.“

“Game on, Yahaba.“

“Well what do we have here?, a singsongy voice said from behind Shigeru.

Oikawa Tooru

To be continued

#haikyuu #haikyuu!!#my fanfiction #haikyuu fanfiction #yahashira #yahaba shigeru #shirabu kenjirō

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littlebitoffanfic · 4 years

Text

The Warriors Smile

Fandom: Pocahontas Characters: Kocoum, Kekata, Nakoma, Pocahontas Relationship: Kocoum AN: So I remember seeing this request for Kocoum, but I cant seem to find the specific request. I remember it being about him not dying and the reader traveling with John and the reader falling in love with Kocoum and respecting his culture, but the details are foggy. Im not sure if this was what you had in mind, but I hope it satisfies you for now and if ive totally miss remembers the request or its not what you were looking for, just let me know 😊

You didn’t like being on deck when it was such a storm. You were useful as a medic, but your training didn’t extend to battle the harsh sea. But after John had jumped overboard for Thomas, you came to make sure they weren’t injured. John saw your sour face when the men started talk of killing anyone you came across in the new world. After he came down from the crows nest, he tried to cheer you up, not knowing that you only stayed on deck to speak with him. “You look like you were the one who fell overboard.” He leaned against the banister, his face scrunched up in fake concern. “I wish you wouldn’t call them savages.” You mumbled to John, not having enough energy to fight with the rest of the crew. “But they are.” He looked at you perplexed. “Besides, everyone else on this ship calls them sav-“ “You’re not everyone else, John. And they look up to you. You cant have not noticed Thomas following you around like a shadow.” You saw the smirk pull at his lips meaning he knew what you were talking about.

“He listens to you, too. Hes becoming pretty knowledgeable with medical stuff because he follows you around like a child.” John fires back, and he was right. But only because you warned Thomas that you might not always be around and he needed to know enough in case something happened to you. “Just, just remember. They’re humans too.” You huffed, wanting to move the subject back. “But they’re different.” John kicks off a boot to pour out some water. “They aren’t as different as you think, John. We’re different. Most people on this ship are different. Different eye colour, hair colour, height, weight, built.” You wave to the crew who weren’t paying any head as they secured the deck. “But i bet they have hearts that beat, lungs that breath and blood that runs red.” “Maybe I’ll find you a savage for you to find out.” John smirks at you as he tries to lighten the mood, but the moment he saw you weren’t impressed, he stopped. John could normally read you like a book. You had bother grown up together, and he pulled you along on his adventures many times. He got into fights and you patched him up. You had warned him that you were just a nurse, and one day you might not be able to patch him up. But he dismissed you as a ‘rambling wife’. Not that you were married, or anywhere near a relationship. In truth, you were sure you two would rip each others throats out if left alone too long. But people often assumed there was more than friendship. “I truly hope you are joking, John. No one deserves to die for simply being alive.” You shake your head, disappointed as you stand, rubbing your arms. You turn to disappear back into your quarters, hoping your words might have some weight with the man.

------time skip ---------------

When John disappeared from the landing party, you found yourself wondering into the surrounding woods. You knew you would be chastised for it later, but you didn’t care. It was so beautiful. you wouldn’t go too far, venturing about 15 minutes away from the others until you found a clearing. The way the sun shone down on the forests was like something out of a fairy-tale. You were so lost in the beauty of it all that you almost didn’t notice the small chirping coming from the ground beside you. Glancing down, you saw a small bird. It had a yellowy orange chest, with a blue back and black markings. Crouching down, you wondered why a bird would be this close to the ground. It seemed dangerous. Unless something was wrong with him? The bird began to jump to you, but you saw its left leg wasn’t taking any pressure and it hobbles a little. “Shhh.” You picked up the small bird with ease and sat down with your legs crossed, your skirt making a small nest for the animal to sit in. “I think you have dislocated your leg, sir.” You mused, gently wrapping the bird in the towel and making sure you could still get to the leg . You grabbed some small bandages you used for fingers and smaller cuts and folded it in half so it was the length of the birds leg. You wrapped the small leg till you felt it had enough padding without hindering the bird too much and then tied it up. “All done. My fee will be in the mail.” You laugh to yourself, even though there was no one around to hear your little joke. You unwrap the bird, which tweets happily. “Lets get you somewhere high.” Getting to your feet, you hold the bird in your hands, leaving the towel and your medical supplies on the floor as you searched the surrounding trees till you found a branch about the hight of you eyes. Taking the bird over, you place it on the tree, but the branch wasn’t thick enough and you didn’t think it was high enough either. “Higher?” You ask, even though the bird has no say as you pick it up again, venturing to another tree which was higher up. The bird didn’t even move from your hand as you reached up to let it go onto the branch. It started tweeted, looking up to a near by tree. You followed its eyes and saw a small bundle of sticks and twigs nestled between two thick branches. The problem was that the nest was about 10 foot off the ground. You groaned, walking up to the tree and looking up at your new destination. There was a branch that you could grab onto, but you didn’t know if you had the upper body strength to pull yourself up and hold yourself with just one free hand. Moving the bird into one hand, you reached up and grabbed the branch. You managed to walk up the tree and pull yourself up till you were eye level with the branch you were holding, but your arm was shaking. You were almost parallel to the branch as you glanced down, seeing you were now a good 5 foot off the ground. Before you could even reach out and attempt to put the bird up to its nest, your arm spasmed and you lost your grip. You didn’t even have a chance to yell as you fell, preparing yourself to crash on the ground. Until arms caught you. Your eyes had been scrunched shut, expecting pain, so your mind immediately thought John or one of the others had found you. Opening your eyes, you forgot how to breath. The man who had caught you was unbelievably handsome. Strong cheek bones and jaw line with dark brown, intelligent eyes that stared back at your own. You knew your surprise was painted on your face, but his was stoic, like a warrior. He had long hair with shaven sides, like a mohawk, but the hair fell to the left and down to his shoulder, and white feathers adorned the back of his head. The man lowered you to the ground gently. You both watched each others every movement, trying to work out if the other was dangerous or not. Just because you refused to call them savages didn’t mean you trusted them completely. You were on their land, their homes. They were within their rights to chase you off or punish you if they saw fit. The bird chirped in your hands. Apparently, you had tried to protect the bird from the fall rather than try held yourself. Great self-preservation skills. The man took a few steps back from you but before you could ask why, he ran at you. You let out a small yelp, turning away to try protect yourself. But then you heard a grunt. Looking through your hair, you saw he had ran right past you. And up the tree. He was holding himself on the branch, managing to get enough momentum to get past the lower branch and brace himself on it with a straight elbow on one hand. The sheer strength in his arm was shown by the muscles. He reached out to you, eyes darting to the bird. You instantly understood and went to him, placing the bird carefully in his outstretched hand. He rose it to the nest and the bird jumped happily into its home. You smiled widely, happy that the animal could recover from its injury in its home from a little while. Perhaps you could bring it some food later. The man looked back to you, and you caught his eyes. Despite your smile, his face stayed stoic. Taking a step back, you allowed the man space to jump back down, landing elegantly before straightening back up. He towered over you, and you suddenly felt rather intimidated by his presence as your eyes fell to the red markings on his chest. Two clawed paws. Like a bears or wolfs. You opening your mouth, about thank him when you heard voices calling your name. Whipping to look over your shoulder to where the voices came from, you started to panic. If they found this man, he was dead. Looking back to him, you saw his eyes darting to the sound as well, his stance strong. In fact, you could see that he was growing more hostile with every call. “you need to go.” You whispered, drawing his attention back to you. But his eyes showed confused. He couldn’t understand you. You tried make a shooing motion with your hands, but he only grew more perplexed. Eventually, you were drawn to more drastic measures. You placed your hands on his bare chest and pushed him back behind the tree. He stumbled slightly, before his stance became really aggressive. But he was out of sight now. You backed off, pressing your fingers to your lips as you silently begged him to stay hidden. And just in time. “[y/n]!? Where have you been?” Thomas called out to you and you flashed the man a small smile before walking back to your items. “Frolicking through the flowers, are we?” Ben laughed but ti quickly stopped. “Whats that on your hand, lass?” Looking down, you saw some of the red paint from the stranger had rubbed off onto your hand. “Oh, I found an injured bird.” You wiped the evidence on your skirt as you gathered up your things. “We better get you back.” Thomas looked to the sky, the sun lower in the sky. “Okay. I’ll follow.” You nod, throwing your bag over your shoulder. The two men retreated back into the woods, you following behind. But not before you could steal a glance back to the tree, seeing the stranger watching. You smiled at him before turning back. You heard the men grumbling about having to dig for gold. You would certainly make sure Ratcliff had a piece of your mind if he thought for a second you’d be digging. however, the moment you got back, all hell broke loose. Guns were firing, and crys that there was savages. Ducking behind a waggon, you saw them firing at some people in the trees, and they hit one. That might have been the end of it, but then you saw the man from the forest. He scooped up his fallen alley and carried him back into the wood as they all retreated. Stuck in a conflict, you stayed hidden as you thought. You owed him something. Not your life, but he had saved you from a broken hip or a concussion. And you knew they probably wouldn’t be able to treat a gun wound. You thought of the man, suffering in agony before dying with no understanding of what had hit him. So you did the unthinkable. Racing into the woods, you followed them, until they reach a village. You almost collapse when you see the colony of small huts. The crew would slaughter them as sure as day. A deep sickness filed your stomach as you press your hand over your mouth. You took an oath to help people, not hurt them. Holding the strap of your bag, you take a shaking breath. You could very well be walking into certain death, but that man needed your help. Taking a deep breath, you circled the outside of the village until you saw them taking the injured man into a hut. That must be either his home, or a medical place. You would bet the latter. Slipping inside, the group were too preoccupied with the wounded man to notice someone who wasn’t like them had entered. You felt like you had just entered a sleeping lions den. So you cleared your throat. Like lions, they turned and bore weapons at you as if they were fangs. “No, I want to help.” You held your hands up to show you meant no harm, but the men couldn’t understand you. You looked around, trying to figure out a way to show them you wanted to help him. Pulling the bag open, you pulled out the bandage you had. Showing it to them that it wasn’t a weapon, you began to wrap it around your arm. “Help.” You repeated, pointing to the gunshot wound. Their eyes narrowed, but none protest as you moved closer to the injured as you unravel the bandage from your arm. You would need it. You inspected the gunshot wound. There was no way he could survive this without medical help. But you would need the take the bullet out, clean the wound and sew him shut. You didn’t notice the chief looking to the man you had met not an hour ago. There was a silent understanding between them to let you be unless you caused any issues. And the shaman had said he didn’t know how to heal such wounds. “I need to take the bullet out.” You spoke, knowing they couldn’t understand everything you said. You rummaged to the bottom of your bag and found the spare bullets that the men had dropped. Pulling them out, you showed the man you assumed to be the leader one of the bullets between your thumb and pointing finger. You then mimicked how the men held the guns and made a quiet gun shot noise before showing them the bullet flying to his wound. Eyes widened as they realises what you were saying. “We need to take it out.” You pull out your bullet remover. It was a relatively new invention in the medical word, only about 50 years old but it was a key part of your tool kit. But you didn’t know it they would understand that. Your eyes flickered to the head healer, who looked to chief. A breeze came through the tent, making you shudder while the small group closed their eyes for a brief moment. When the chief opened his eyes, he nodded to the head healer who looked back to you. “Save him.” He told you, making your eyes widen at his English. But you nodded, and got to work. They let you work without question but with watchful eyes. You warned it would hurt, and apologised. But the man gritted his teeth and managed to stay still. Bullets were kind of a speciality of yours. It wasn’t something you were proud of, but it was a fact. the bullet was out with 5 minutes. But that didn’t mean it was over just yet. You sewed up the wound, trying to make it as neat as you could. “You’re doing really well. Im nearly done, I promise.” You glance to the injured man, and you could see the relief in his eyes. “Why did you come?” Their leader asked you. “To help. Im a medic. I took a vow to heal people where I could.” You answer truthfully as you wipe away the blood from around the wound and placing a gauge over it. “Your people caused this.” The chiefs words made you flinch. “My people are ignorant and arrogant. I am not like them. I don’t want a war or anyone to get hurt.” You shook your head, feeling the guilt in your stomach. “Why?” he knelt next to you, his eyes watching your face closely. “All blood is red. Its my job to heal that.” You look at him, hoping he might understand your reasoning more than you did. “We cannot let you leave.” The chief stated as he stood, but you had prepared for this. “if you don’t, they will come to find me.” You answer, looking up at him. “Then how do we know we can trust you?” he asked, his chin rising as he spoke to look down at you. “You cant.” You answered honestly, your eyes dropping. “But I can trade you supplies. Like these. To help if you do get into fights. I don’t have much, but it will help you.” The chief regarded you for a moment, his mind thinking over your deal. “Are they dangerous?” The leader asked you as you focused than you needed to on tying the bandage. Pressing your lips together in a straight line, you nodded once. “Leave by night fall. Do not return.” He spoke with authority and you nodded, thankful he was allowing your freedom. “Thank you.” You bowed your head to him out of respect as you packed your things. “We will fight this enemy, but we cannot do it alone. Kocoum-“ the chief was answered as the stranger from earlier stood and followed him. “Send messengers to every village in our nation. We will call on our brothers to help us fight.” He walked out the door, the stranger from earlier at his side as he addressed his people. “These white men are dangerous. No one is to go near them.” You sat back on your heels, unsure what to think. Had you condemned your friends? But these people had a right to know, to protect themselves, didn’t they? You were conflicted, torn between the right thing to do. The lead healer hummed a little, regarding you. You held out a spare gauge and bandage to him, which he took along with a bottle of anti-septic. “Its incredible, how calm he was.” You look at the man, who lay with his eyes closed as if in a trance. “I will speak on your healing once it is done.” He muses, but his eyes danced with some amusement as you smiled at him. He pushed a bowl of water to you so you could wash the blood off your hands. Just as you were drying your hands, the stranger from earlier stepped back in. Kocoum. “I hope to meet you again, child. But not in such circumstances.” The healer smiled, nodding to you before he continued his chant from earlier, signalling it was your time to leave. Kocoum snuck you out the back, and guided you through the forest in silence. You followed without question, occasionally falling behind a little but always catching up until you saw the wooden logs being hauled up to build a fortress. Placing a hand on Kocoums arm, you stopped him. “You shouldn’t go any further.” You told him, your eyes screaming apologies to him as you stepped in front. “But im glad we met again, even if the circumstances were awful.” Kocoum nodded, and you were sure if he was agreeing with you or simply acknowledging your words. “Goodbye.” You step away from him, and he gives you a small bow, before he moves behind a tree, hiding. When you emerge, it feels like the entire crew fauns over you, worried. But Ratcliffe suddenly appears, parting the crew like a sea as he regards you. “Where did you run off to?” he asks, his voice not showing any concern for your wellbeing but probably for your lack of labour. “The guns and fighting scared me. I ran to the woods for cover and got lost.” You lied. “And did you… find anything?” Ratcliffe prys, leaning down as if to intimidate you but you stood your ground. “No.” You shook your head, not breaking under his pressure. he huffed, demanding everyone gets back to word before retreating to his quarters. As the crew disperses, you steal a glance to the woods, unable to see Kocoum anymore.

-------------time skip ------------

You told yourself that you were just going to feed the bird. That’s the only reason you were going back to that clearing. But you weren’t. That man had plagued your sleep, and you wanted to see him again. walking through the forest, you wondered if you were lost, until the clearing came into view. Digging into your bag, you grabbed the paper bag of bread pieces and seeds you had managed to get your hands on. Walking up to the tree, the bird appeared on the lower branch that you could reach, apparently recognising you and tweeting happily. You took a palm full of the food and held it up to the creature, who happily jumped onto your wrist to peck at the food. “Thank you.” A voice spoke from behind you, making you jump. But when you saw it was Kocoum, you relaxed. You had never heard him speak before. “How is he doing?” You ask, going back to your task of feeding the bird. You could just leave the seeds on the branch, but you wanted to be doing something. “He grows stronger every day.” Kocoum informs you. “That’s good. I cant imagine the fear he must have felt.” You muse, as the bird jumps onto your fingers, hopping across your hand to stand on your palm to peak at the food. You were grateful because you could lower your arms, which were hurting a little. “Why did you follow?” Kocoum suddenly asked as you turned and sat at the bottom of the tree. In truth, you knew it was risky. Any instinct you had told you to run away, but you were so interested by him that all you really wanted to do was talk. “I already told you. I don’t like seeing others suffer.” You move the seeds into one hand, freeing your right hand. With the back of your pointing finger, you stroke the birds head, smiling. “Plus, I own you for saving me from a nasty fall.” He didn’t laugh with you, but you didn’t mind. You were a stranger to him, an enemy even. Kocoum stayed standing, but backed away so he wasn’t looming over you. It suddenly dawned on you that you knew his name, yet he didn’t know your own. “Im [y/n].” you suddenly say, wanting to right that wrong. “Kocoum.” He pressed a fist to his chest. “I know.” You smile, amused by the birds trust in you as you petted it. Looking up, you saw Kocoum was confused and, perhaps, suspicious. “I heard the others call you by that name.” Your explanation seemed to ease his suspicions, but not completely erase them. He sat with you for an hour or so, and you told him about your home. You didn’t want to ask about his own in case he thought you were going to relay information. When you noticed that your absents would soon be reported, you stood. Placing the bird back in the tree, you told Kocoum goodbye, but he followed you. At first, it made you a little uneasy, until you reached the edge of the forest and it dawned on you that he was making sure you got back safely. Before you could turn and thank him, he was gone. For the next few days, you found yourself running off to the clearing, and most times he was there. There was the occasion that he wasn’t, but he seemed to like your little meeting. You were both suspicious of each other, but it seemed to ease out as you both spoke. Well, you spoke and he listened. He would ask questions, and seemed interested in you, but didn’t seem like much of a talking. You joked about it, saying that it was fine because you could talk the ear off anyone, so you could easily make up for it. And, at the, he smiled. You nearly fainted. In the setting sun, in this beautiful clearing with this handsome man, he smiled at you. Your legs were jelly as you couldn’t help the blush that rose to your cheeks. “Your voice like bird song.” Kocoum’s words would be the death of you, you were sure of it. Now a blushing mess, stumbling over your words, you knew it was time to head home. He accompanied you as always, and yet he stayed a little close than normal. Just before you reached the outskirts, he grabbed your hand. “Stay safe.” He whispered, and you could see the corner in his eyes. “You too.” You returned the concern before the two of you parted.

-------time skip ----------

Whatever was going on with John, you were worried. Pacing by your tent, you wondered where he had ran off to at such an hour. He should know better than to do this. You didn’t want to confide in anyone in case they told Ratcliffs and he got angry. In fact, you hadn’t seen Thomas around either recently. Stopping, you glance around. Something felt off. Suddenly, the calmness of the night was broken by screams. Grabbing your medical bag, you followed the others. Thomas came running, crying out for help, that John had been attacked and taken. You rushed to calm him but the others got there first, demanding to know what happened. “I kill one of them.” Thomas whispered, swaying back and forth before dropping his gun. “You- you did what?!” You nearly shriek, but managed to keep it down as the men gathered weapons. “I shot one. They took John because I killed one of their own.” He scrunched his eyes up, but when he opened them again, you were gone. Running into the forest, you felt yourself trembling as you raced to the tribe, treason be damned. Maybe you could help, or exchange something for John. You didn’t know. “[y/n]!” A voice called out, making you nearly fall over as you stopped, heart beating so loud as you saw a woman running through the forest to you. She stopped when she saw you had noticed her. “Kekata told me to find you. He said… you could help Kocoum.” She seemed unsure as she spoke, her eyes darting around. “He- He was the one shot?” You whisper in disbelief. And she nods. You followed her as she raced back to the hut where you had went to heal the first man. Sneaking around the outside of the village, you both managed to slip inside without notice. Kekata sat by Kocoum side, who was still. You were praying he was asleep. Passing Nakoma, you raced to his side. “It isn’t as the first one was.” Kekata spoke to you quickly, and you could hear the worry in his voice. “No, its in a more dangerous area.” You nodded, confirming his worries. A hand was placed on your shoulder, making you turn to Kekata. “I wanted to give Kocoum a fighting chance. But I do not expect a miracle from you.” his words sunk in as he stood, preparing to leave. You didn’t know what was going on. What was going to happen. “I do not trust the white men. But I trust you. you might save one life, but I suspect blood will still fall at sunrise. Stay here. This is my safe haven for you, for what you have done for us. A debt repaid. Do not come out of this hut. Do you understand me?” Kekata spoke with such urgency and hints of aggression that all you could do was nod. “If he wakes, sound the horn.” Kekata draws your attention away from Kocoum to look the elder. He was standing at the entrance, gesturing to the corner. You didn’t follow his direction, instead noticing Nakoma, who seemed confused and almost fearful that Kekata was leaving you alone with an injured Kocoum. “But I do not know if it will stop the war.” War. The word hit you like a bolt of lightning as the realising dawned on you. You knew what would happen now, but you couldn’t think about it. You just had to focus on saving Kocoum as the two left the hut with no further words. Putting on your calm façade, you told yourself it was just another patient. Your hands shook a little more than normal, and you paused before you went near the wound. But once you got to work, you were immersed. All the items you had given them were laid out to your side, along with your own and 2 bowls of water. Time seemed to drag, and you felt sick, but you pushed through. You heard things happening outside the hut, the warriors marching to battle, but blocked it out until there was silence. Working by candle light, you blinked away an odd tear and focused. Maybe, if Kocoum did wake, you could spare John too. Then its not a life for a life. Shaking away the grim thoughts, you worked through till you heard the morning chirping of birds. It was still mostly dark out. Once you were finished, you sat back. The cloth you had been using to clean the wound was bloody, and you didn’t want to use it any more. Ripping a piece of your shirt, you knew it was freshly cleaned this evening. The first bowl of water was more blood than water now, so you moved on to the fresh bowl and used the rag to carry water and run it over the wound to clean it. You went to the water and wet another tore bit of your shirt before coming up and sitting beside his head to clean his brow. Your eyes darted to the paint on his chest, but you didn’t dare touch it. It wasn’t your place to remove that sort of thing. You didn’t speak, not needing to offer any comforting words to anyone, but the silence was near unbearable as you waited for something to happen. For war to break out? For Kocoum to wake? You really couldn’t put your finger on it. After what felt like a millennium, you noticed his eyes were moving behind his eyelids. You held your breath, your lips pressed together in a harsh line as you tried to keep yourself calm. However, the moment his eyes fluttered open, you broke. Tears of relief streamed down your cheeks as you pressed a hand over your mouth to hid your sobbing. The fear which had had your body in a tight grasp eased the moment he woke, and you had done so well keeping yourself calm while you had been alone that you were overwhelmed. His eyes found you, and he began to sit up, despite the pain he must be feeling. Leaning on his left elbow and forearm, he pushed himself up into a sitting position before you could even talk. “Don’t sit up, it will be painf-“ you couldn’t finish your sentence as a large hand slipped behind your neck and he drew you to his lips. The moment his warm lips met your own, you were a goner. The nurse had left you, replaced with the girl who was screaming with excitement as he kissed you. The kiss was intense, but controlled and carful, just like Kocoum. He controlled every aspect and, if you had been standing, your knees would have been weak. It was so perfect, like a dream which you wished to never wake from. Some part of you was convinced you had falling asleep by his side and you were dreaming all this. You reached up to his face, your fingers gently grazing across his cheek before mirroring his own hold on you by slipping your hand around the back of his head to just above the base of his neck. with your other hand, you gently wrap your hand around his wrist, your thumb pressing against the veins, feeling the pulse beneath the skin. A small shiver ran through your body as you moved closer, running your hand along his arm and to his chest. Pressing an open palm above his heart, you could feel the steady beat. Pulling back, you felt the air flood into your lungs and the tent suddenly seemed to much bigger and brighter. You couldn’t help the red in your cheeks, or the smile on your lips as you look at the man who had stolen your heart from the very moment he had caught you. Much to your surprise, you saw a smile tug at his lips, his eyes dancing with a joy you had never seen before. No one had ever looked at you like that. He looked so happy, so full of life. Suddenly, what was happened beyond the tent hit you like a wave as you jolted back. “We have to tell them you’re alive.” You suddenly say, and you see the happiness be replaced with concern and confusion. “They think you’re dead. They are going to kill John in revenge but Ratcliffes marching to war with them.” You began to panic again as you turn to where Kekata had pointed before he left. In the corner was a horn. Moving from his side, you grabbed the horn. Turning back to Kocoum, you knew you couldn’t ask him. He was already moving way too much and you were terrified his stitches wouldn’t hold. Getting to your feet, you went to the mouth of the hut and looked up at the blue sky, praying it wouldn’t see red today. Taking a deep breath, you raised the horn to your mouth and blew. The sound was deafening but you pushed through for a solid 10 seconds before lowering it. You didn’t know what it would do, or who could hear it. Perhaps you were too late. Some leaf’s rustled as a wind ran through them in your direction, but what you felt was not the wind you knew. It was a small gust, and it seemed to run up your body, winding around your legs and waist before passing your head and fleeing, taking leaf’s with it. You stared in the direction it had went, and something told you that there was still a chance. You jumped when you felt a hand on your lower back, turning to see Kocoum standing behind you. “We need to go to them. They will need proof.” As he spoke, you knew he was right. “But, you are still healing.” You press a hand to his chest, desperate to keep the heart beating within it. “I will have time to heal when this is done.” Kocoum spoke with conviction, but you pressed firmly on his chest. “No, you could undo your stitches.” You shook your head, until a small figure appeared from beside the hut. Your eyes darted to her, nearly jumping at her sudden appearance before you recognised her as the girl from the night before, Nakoma. She looked at Kocoum as if he were a ghost, a hand pressed over her mouth before she stepped forward. “I’ll go. I’ll tell them you are alive.” She nods firmly, before turning on her heel and running off towards wherever the battle was going to happen. Hopefully, the horn was enough to cause a moment of doubt, and Nakoma would be the voice of reason. Hopefully, it wasn’t too late. You pushed your worries to the back of your mind and turned to Kocoum. “You need to rest. Please.” You take his hands in your own and guide him back into the hut and towards the mat. Despite his protests, you helped him lie back down as you chested the stitches and saw they were fine. Although, even if everything did turn out okay, you were sure you would have a battle trying to keep him still to heal. There was not much else to do, but wait.

Within an hour, Nakoma ran back. By the look on her face, it wasn’t good news. You held your breath, waiting for her verdict. Thankfully, the sound of the horn had reached Pocahontas in the forest as she ran to save John. Apparently, this was the one John had been sneaking off to see. She had manged to stop everything, even speaking sense to her father before Nakoma had appeared, telling everyone that Kocoum was alive. But then she grabbed your wrist. “Your leader, a shot hit John. Hes bleeding.” As she spoke, you felt sick to your stomach. Another bullet. Grabbing your bag, you stuffed your medical supplies in. “I’ll go. Will you stay and make sure he doesn’t move? His stitches are fresh and it could do damage.” You didn’t wait for her to respond before taking off in the direction she had came. Something guided you through the woods, until you appeared at the bottom of a hill. You saw your crew on the other side at the bottom of a sheer drop, and Kocoums tribe were on the hill. There was relief on everyone’s face from your crew at your appearance. But you were worried. You had patched John up a fair few times. Your worries were that this time, you couldn’t. Climbing the hill, the tribe parted for you as you came to John. “Another bullet, eh?” you dropped to your knees beside him. he was lying with his head on Pocahontas lap as she soothed him. “Yep, I’ve heard you’re pretty familiar with them.” He tried to laugh, but winces, holding his side where the blood was. When you saw the position of the hole in his shirt, your heart sank. Pulling away the material, your greatest fears were confirmed. “John, the entrance wound is right on top of the scar from before.” Your voice shook and, for the first time since you arrived, you felt useless. “What does that mean?” Pocahontas asked, unsure why that was an issue. “It means I cant help him here. He needs to go back to England and get it surgically removed by a doctor. I don’t have the tools or the ingredients to do it here and I’m totally useless-“ Tears welled in your eyes as you were overcame with emotions. But John interrupted you. “Hey, hey, hey. From what I heard, you’ve been very useful. Theres only so many times a sailor can patch up his ship before he has to put it to specialists, eh? And this ships taken a few waves or two over the years.” He chuckles, wincing yet again. But he soothed you immensely. “I’ll get your bandaged up, give you some stuff for the pain. Im sure Thomas will be by your side the entire way home.” You smile, reassuring both him and yourself.

-----------time skip --------------

You stood by the sea, waiting as John asked. He said she would come say goodbye, and Kocoum had agreed the same. “So, let me get this straight.” You sat, crossed legged by Johns side. “Me and you, two people who get mistaken as a couple all the time, each started a relationship with two members of a tribe who were due to be wed?” “Yeah, funny how things work out, eh.” John smirked. “Look.” Thomas, who had been standing on watch, pointed to the mist that lay thick on the forest floor this morning. You couldn’t see anything at first, until there was the silhouette of not just Pocahontas and Kocoum (you were partly annoyed that he was walking so soon), but also of at least 8 others. The crew held their breath, clutching their guns, until it was revealed the others were carrying baskets of food for the journey home. You couldn’t help but smile at the gesture. As Pocahontas came to John, you stood. But Thomas met her, taking off his hat out of respect. “Going back is his only chance. He’ll die if he stays here.” Thomas spoke with her, and she placed a hand on his shoulder. You watched the two with such amazement and respect. Powhatan and Nakoma approached. Powhatan pulled off his shawl and lay it over John. “You are always welcome here. Both of you.” He looked to you as well, making you smile with gratefulness before turning to speak only to John. “Thank you, my brother.” He smiled down at John before retreating. John said farewell to the animals, he then turn to Pocahontas. He cupped her cheek in an intimate way. He asked her to come, and she refused because she was needed by her village. But when he offered to stay, she said he needed to go. Their love would be broken by distance, and as she leaned in and kissed him, you took your leave to go see Kocoum. “Stay.” He took your hands in his own, holding them tightly against his chest as if he never wanted to let them go. You couldn’t help but smile, but you faltered in answering. Was it selfish to stay? John was leaving Pocahontas, with an open invitation back. What if something happened on the way home and they needed a medic? Were you abandoning your promise by staying here? But you were staying as a healer as well, so did that balance everything? Your thoughts were interrupted when you felt a hand clapping your back. “Sorry to interrupt.” John called over to you. the smirk on his face was not one you trusted. “You know, [y/n], I think that we need a new nurse. One whos not going to run off and heal the enemy. Not that you’re the enemy now.” He quickly added to Kocoum. “No, I think that you should be somewhere that’s peaceful, somewhere that you cant run into trouble. Like, oh say I don’t know, here? Just something to think about.” If he hadn’t been shot, you might have kicked him. Had everyone been eavesdropping this whole time? Looking back to Kocoum, you couldn’t help but beam at him. “I think that means I can stay.” You nod, bouncing on the balls of your feet with excitement. Kocoum smiled, and you heard him let out a breath that he had been holding. Something small flutters to your side, and you turn your head to see an old friend. The bird, with the blue back, was hovering beside you, chipping before flying into the sky. Something told you that you would see the little guy again. You raced to say goodbye to the crew, and Thomas promised you that he would take care of John no matter what. You told him that you believed in him. John didn’t like long goodbyes, so gave you a handshake along with a smile. “I’ll see you soon, anyway.” You smile. “oh, I’ll be back as soon as I can stand.” He joked. “You know, I would roll my eyes, but Kocoum only got stiches a day ago, and he came to stay goodbye, so I have no doubt that you men are stupid enough to do that.” You returned, swatting his arm. But soon, it was time to part. The sadness you felt from seeing the ship sail into the distance was no unfelt, but as you felt the warmth of Kocoums body beside you, you couldn’t help but be excited for this next chapter of your life. You were welcomed in the village both as a healer and Kocoum’s wife, and quickly became known as the only one who could make the warrior smile.

#pocahontas #kocoum #Kocoum x reader

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thetomorrowshow · 3 years

Text

a jig in plaited time

Happy holidays, @under-the-blue-moonlight ! I really enjoyed writing up some intrulogical content for you (and this may actually get additional chapters lol, I’m really happy with it).

Here is your @sanderssidesgiftxchange gift!

ships: Intrulogical, background Royality

cw: anxiety, intrusive thoughts, panic attack, mannequins, mentions of food

Why was Remus at the mall?

That was a simple question, with a just as simple answer. He was at the mall for a suit and tie, one he needed for his brother's wedding. It needed to be “salmon” or whatever, with a blue tie.

A much less simple answer was to the next question.

Why was Remus at the mall on Black Friday?

In all honesty, Remus hadn't known about Black Friday until he arrived. He hadn't really had a good feeling about it on the way here, but he'd paid no mind to his instincts. He didn't often have a good feeling about anything. There had been far too many cars for this time of morning on a weekday. What had really tipped him off, though, was the huge sign in the window of Nordstrom's.

'BLACK FRIDAY SALE!'

Even at that point he wasn't entirely sure what that meant. It became far more clear when he entered the building to find it absolutely packed. Well, there could be an upside to this. Maybe there would be a sale on the suit he needed.

Remus hadn't been this close to someone since he was in the womb, and he could not say that he was very comfortable with it. Remus didn't care much for close spaces and touching people, he hadn't since middle school. It just made him feel sort of icky.

As soon as possible, he ducked out of Nordstrom's, only to find that the rest of the mall was in a similar condition. JC Penney actually looked worse. Normally when Remus was feeling overwhelmed, he'd sidle into Hot Topic or somewhere else with obnoxiously loud music. By drowning his feelings in the noise, he generally was able to recollect himself. The mall was certainly loud, but not in a good way at all. Even if he tried to find someplace with music, he wouldn't be able to enjoy it with all these people.

Remus was stressed. But he needed this suit, seeing as his brother's wedding was literally tomorrow. Why did he leave it this late? Well, Remus knew he was nothing if not a master procrastinator. He also knew he couldn’t be the only one.

Remus waded his way through the crowd to a relatively people-free corner and wiggled his phone out of the pockets of his definitely too-small jeans (not that he'd admit they were too small out loud—his brother had told him they were on every occasion he wore them) and texted the wedding group chat.

Remus: hey im at the mall. anything yall need?

Robro: Why are you at the mall on black friday?

Patty-Cake: ooh can you get me a pair of sunglasses? Mine broke last week

Remus: sure. stuff for wedding?

Robro: idk. Let me ask mom

Remus shoved his phone back in his pocket, then extracted it again as it buzzed a moment later.

Robro: Yeah mom says get some classy decor or something

Ant: I don't think remus knows what classy means

Remus: shut up i got this

Toby: wait what's going on? It's like 10am why are you all awake

Robro: idk if you knew this tobes but I'm getting married tomorrow

Toby: shut up man

Ant: even Remy knows

Sleep: even i know loser

Remus: toby do u need help

Toby: I hate it heeere

Patty-Cake: Aw Toby that isn't very nice! And good morning everyone!

Robro: hello sunshine!! <3

Sleep: i need you both to not start that

Remus: get a room dorks

Okay, classy decor. Sunglasses for the groom. Pink suit. Blue tie. Probably some dress shoes. A wedding present. Dress socks too. Did Remus need to have a tie pin? He'd ask later. Napkins, definitely. No one ever had enough napkins at events. Did he need to have a pocket handkerchief?

Remus checked the list of what his suit needed that Roman had sent him a month or two ago. Yes, a blue pocket square. This was a lot.

Remus swallowed back his sudden panic and took a few deep breaths, jamming his still-buzzing phone back into his pocket. He could do this. Sunglasses first, there was a Sunglasses Hut within eyesight. All he had to do was fight through the crowd.

He reached the kiosk with few incidents and surveyed the sleek glasses for five minutes before seeing a pair that were shaped like a cartoon frog. Patton would love those. And if he didn't, then Remus just got a neat pair of sunglasses! He purchased the glasses and moved on to the next place to conquer.

By the time Remus was back at Nordstrom's, he was completely out of energy. Nordstrom's had two levels, and so much stuff, and so many people. He still had to get the suit and socks, and the wedding present. Maybe it seemed like he hadn't done much, but he had actually done a lot, considering how busy the mall was. He'd barely escaped a fistfight outside of the electronics store. The fact that he'd been able to get shoes and so-called 'classy decor' and napkins? Remus was pretty proud, all things considered.

Nordstrom's was even busier than when he left, which was certainly distressing. Remus couldn't even see any clothes. Was that a mannequin or a really tall lady? Was that the escalator, or a bunch of people climbing on top of each other?

What if I set off a bomb right here? Would the whole tower fall down, the ones on top not actually hurt until they hit the ground?

Remus shook off the intrusive thought. This was getting bad. It was already almost one—that meant that not only was he stressed, but he was getting hungry. His thoughts would continue to devolve until he got out of here and got some food.

I could eat that man! That would certainly clear the place out, and I'm sure he's delicious!

Remus groaned. He needed to sit down, but there were no seats free anywhere. He hefted his bags higher on his shoulders and forged on. He had to get this suit, or else the wedding would be ruined. The man in question (who was fairly attractive) bumped him, and Remus had to close his eyes to fight his brain. This was getting out of hand.

There was a little square cut out in the wall where a headless mannequin stood, no doubt showing off the latest in boys' fashion. Remus ducked between its legs and pushed his back up against the wall, knees drawn up close to his chest. He pulled out his phone with some difficulty.

Remus: hey so ro does my suit need a tie pin

Robro: Don't worry abt it, mom got matching tie pins for everyone

Sleep: ree babes are you buying ur suit now?

Remus: shut up

Sleep: on black friday?

Remus: no

Ant: did you even know it was black friday

Remus: ...

Toby: wait the wedding is tmrrw

Robro: Believe me tobias I'm aware

Remus: yah ik im not buying the whole suit just shoes

Robro: Good I almost had a heart attack, you almost certainly wouldn't be able to find one

Now truly panicking, Remus dropped his phone onto his stomach and buried his fists in his hair. How was he supposed to find a salmon suit and a blue tie, as well as nice socks? Plus a wedding present? Especially in this crowd, when he had no clue where to even look for a suit. And he still had to go to the party tonight, then the wedding tomorrow, and it was so loud. Everyone was yelling over each other, and Remus couldn't even hear his own thoughts—except the bad ones. Why did he have to put this off so long? He needed out, he wasn't going to be able to get any of the stuff, he was going to ruin the wedding, like he ruined everything—

“Hello, may I help you?”

Remus looked up—at least, as up as he could look, with a mannequin just above him—to see a bespectacled store clerk looking down at him. 'Logan', his nametag read.

Remus opened his mouth, then closed it again before a string of curses could come out. He really wasn't doing well. There was just too much, too much everything.

“Is there anything I can help you find?” Logan asked, his voice rumbling a bit—or maybe it was the thunder of people in the shop. Whatever it was, it made Remus's stomach drop a little.

“Um, uh, pink!” If Remus had any shame, he would have slapped his own face. As it was, he started trying to pantomime a suit while stuck in a tiny hollow in the wall. Logan watched kindly, his face not betraying the disgust he was probably feeling.

“Pink what? Shirt?” Logan guessed. Remus shook his head, running his hands down his legs. Pants too, pants too.

“Pink . . . coat? Shorts? Pants?”

Remus traced back over his arms, almost crying. Here he was, bothering this poor clerk with his stupid non-verbal self.

“A pink suit?”

Remus jumped for joy, hitting his head on the crotch of the mannequin, instantly shuddering at the thoughts that flooded into his head. Logan held out a hand, and Remus took it, allowing himself to be pulled out of the wall.

“I can direct you to the suit section, right this way.”

Remus let himself be led by Logan, who occasionally looked back to make sure he was still there. The man had a curly mop of dark hair, and was slightly shorter than he was—not that it was a problem. Or anything important. Remus wasn't looking for a date. He was inconveniencing a store clerk on Black Friday. Although, he did need a plus one for the wedding. . . .

No, it was out of the question. He didn't even know this man. Roman would be upset if he ruined the wedding even more by showing up with some rando who would probably jump in the wedding cake or spill food all over the nice tablecloths or turn out to be really ugly because he was just wearing a mask made of someone else's face.

“Here is where the suits are. Do you need anything else?”

Remus stared at him, his mouth opening and shutting a few times. He wanted to say something stupid, like yeah, I need those eyes in my life, or something far more obscene, but he was okay. He could do this. He could survive peopling.

Logan gave him a sympathetic smile. “I can help you find the right suit, if that's what you require.”

Before he could stop himself, Remus was nodding. He let Logan pull him past a crying couple and two arguing families to a rack of suit coats that were red.

“Will these suffice?” the clerk asked, gesturing at them. Remus frowned. They weren't pink. Was the man messing with him? Seeing his look, Logan checked the tag and groaned. “Apologies, I'm colorblind. I could have sworn these were pink. Hopefully the last customer who I pointed this way was not upset.”

That was a joke, right? Remus almost laughed, but knew if he did he would start crying. Logan led him through the crowd with seemingly unending patience, occasionally smiling gently at him. Remus felt his heartrate spike every time one of those smiles was sent his way, but for a reason completely unrelated to the overpowering noise and crowd.

Logan found him a probably very nice pink suit—Remus wasn't really looking at it. Then Logan was kind enough to let him into an employee restroom to try it on, seeing as the dressing rooms had a line that ran all the way to the front doors. It fit nicely, tight (though not as tight as his jeans) and sleek, accompanied with a blue tie that Logan had found while he was changing.

“That looks very sharp on you, sir,” Logan informed him, as Remus blushed.

“Remus,” he blurted out. Logan raised his eyebrows.

“After the character in Roman mythology?” asked Logan, his tone betraying something like excitement. Remus nodded, then looked down at the tie.

“We—didn't look at—at ties yet,” he stammered, trying to make his voice work. “Where—?”

“Ah, it happens to be one of mine,” Logan said. For the first time, he looked a little uncomfortable. “I keep one in my locker for emergencies, and I thought it would look nice on—it would look nice. With the suit.”

Remus finally found the courage to smile back. “Thanks, Specs. Uh, sorry for taking up so much of your time. I'll just buy this, it's dope.”

“Oh no, I do not at all mind assisting you,” Logan said quickly. “At least I don't have to deal with . . . whatever is going on.”

“You could assist me by being my date!”

Logan stared.

Remus clapped a hand over his mouth.

“. . . What?”

“Nothing, nothing nothing,” said Remus. “I just—um—you need to get your tie back right? And I—if you let me, of course—I could just wear it, save money and all that, and you could come and then take it home so that I don't steal it or whatever?” He scrunched his eyes up, turning away so as to catch no sight of Logan rejecting him. Why did he have to say that? The noise pressed down on him again; despite still being in the staff restroom, it was almost too loud to bear.

“Wear it . . . where?”

Remus would already be curled up on the floor were it not for the very un-purchased suit he was currently wearing. “Um, my brother's wedding tomorrow?” he chanced, hands clenched over his eyes.

The utter disbelief in Logan's voice was clear as a bell. “You are buying a suit . . . for a wedding . . . that is tomorrow. On Black Friday, of all days.”

Tears choked Remus's throat. “Y-yeah, I'm really bad at planning.” Why was he even asking this cute clerk out anyway? Just because Roman kept teasing him for not having a date to the wedding? Or did he actually have a crush on Logan?

He searched his feelings briefly, and found almost instantly that he for sure had a crush. Okay, that was a lot to deal with right now. They had just met! It was just . . . the way he smiled at him, the way he didn't abandon him even though he'd been having a panic attack for about an hour at this point, how gentle and kind he was. Not to mention how put-together he was. And his hair? That was just hot.

Now though, just seconds after realizing he liked Logan, the guy was going to reject him because he had run his stupid mouth. Remus cringed. The silence had gone on for far too long.

“Well, I expect you to pick me up an hour before the event begins. I do not currently have my own means of transportation. You are quite fortunate that I do not work tomorrow.”

Wait.

What?

“You—you really—?” Remus's voice broke. He jumped as Logan lay a warm hand over his own, which were still pressed into his eyes.

“Of course,” Logan said kindly. “I know very little about you, but I rather feel that—and no offense meant—you will be distressed at such a large event as a wedding. I would love to continue to assist you.” He coughed, then added, “Also, the streak in your hair is very attractive.”

Remus almost sighed in relief. This was okay. He let Logan pull his hands away from his face, then ran a sleeve over his eyes and nose. Logan froze.

“Well, now you have to buy that suit,” Logan said. As an aside, he muttered, “At least it looks good on you.”

“Aw, Lo, you think I look hot?” Remus asked shakily, managing a smile. “What about my jeans? Think I look good in tight clothes?”

Logan turned away, unfortunately letting go of Remus's hands, the tips of his ears turning pink. “Are you always this insufferable?”

Remus slung an arm around his shoulder. “Yep! And you're stuck with me for a whole date!”

Logan pushed his glasses up his nose. “If it doesn't work out, we can just pretend we never met, if you like. We will both move on with our lives. There is no obligation that comes with this date, we are both free to back out at any time.”

Remus quickly retracted his arm from Logan's shoulder, then nodded. That made sense. He did like Logan, and he didn't want to upset him. Shameless flirting was definitely on the table, though.

“When's your lunch break?” Remus asked, as casually as possible. Logan snorted.

“I only have a twenty minute lunch today, they don't want me to leave them without as much help as possible.” Logan went to open the door and exit the restroom, then glanced back. “One o'clock. I plan on getting a sandwich at the Subway in the hall outside of the store. It would be wonderful if someone would wait in line for me and order me an Italian BMT and a bag of potato chips, so that I am not late in returning.”

Remus grinned. Easy-peasy, and just like that he would get to spend some time with Logan before the wedding.

Logan made to leave, but Remus grabbed his arm. “One sec, hot stuff,” he said, butterflies racing through his stomach at Logan's blush, “not to bother you any more or anything, but do you have any suggestions for a wedding present?”

The utter disbelief on Logan's face completely wiped out any blush that had been there. “The wedding is tomorrow, Remus.”

Remus's breath caught. Logan said his name. It sounded so beautiful coming from him. If a heavenly chorus had been singing around him at that moment, it would have been dull compared to Logan saying his name.

Logan sighed. “Of course I have some ideas. Do you need anything else?”

Remus pulled himself together, then grabbed his phone from the pile of his clothes on the floor. He checked the list, ignoring the notifications from the group chat.

“Uh, yeah. A pocket square to match the tie, and some nice socks.”

“That's doable. Tell me about your brother and his partner while we find those items. Perhaps you and I can put together an ideal gift.” Logan stepped out of the restroom to give Remus privacy while he changed back into his clothes. Remus shucked the suit off as quickly as possible. All the intense stimulation had blurred into the background, Logan being the only buzz he needed to keep going.

Remus didn't often have a good feeling about anything, but this? Oh yeah, there was definitely something good here.

#sanders sides gift exchange #sanders sides #thomas sanders #ts sides #ts #remus sanders #ts remus #logan sanders #ts logan #sanders sides fic #remus is a disaster gay #he also has social anxiety which influences his intrusive thoughts #i wrote a couple of my own habits/mannerisms into him #like the fact that when he gets really anxious he plays loud music to drown it out!#it's such a calming thing that i rarely see people write about #and it feels sort of weird that he gets anxious when the surroundings are too loud #when he uses loud music to calm down #but that's just literally me #projection city: population me #also ash i sent you an ask forever ago trying to sound out if you wanted an au or canon-type fic #you said au!!#so here we are #if i end up writing more it'll probably be the wedding from logan's pov #anyway i hope this is something like what you wanted!#happiest of holidays to you!#and anyone else reading!#much love -mas

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bustedassgames · 3 years

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Chaos Legion

Man.

Fucking Chaos Legion.

It's an hack and slash made by Capcom, it's not Devil may cry, but it's kinda close.

The plot is... I don't know how to describe it, it feels good enough, but it isn't delivered very well; it's about two edgy anime dudes, Sieg Wahrheit , which, by the way, is named after a fucking painting, and Victor DeLaCroix. Sieg ( the dude you control ) killed Siela, a girl who was very important to Victor, we don't know how or when, but now Victor has gone mad and wants to bring about the end of the world and bla bla bla bla

And, you know, this isn't THAT BAD, i mean, there's a little bit of mistery going on since we don't know why Sieg killed Siela or what's Victor’s plan etc, but it feels soooo clichè and it kinda makes it hard to take it too seriously, since fucking EVERYONE can't stop from making cringe anime poses in every single cutscene.

But enough of that shit, now for the gameplay. In this game you kill stuff, a lot of demon stuff and man does it feel great to kill stuff in this game. It controls like a standard third person hack and slash, you've got your standard 4 hits combo, a dodge roll, you can sidestep etc, but the interesting part comes with the legion system, your legion is basically your stand, you can choose up to 2 legions per level, there's about 7 of them and they all feel cool to use. You can use your legion by eiether performing an assist (your legion comes out for a single attack) or by just summoning them, which makes Sieg weaker and slower but the price to pay is well worth it. Sieg in general controls pretty well, the dodge roll is kinda trash and jumping away is always the better solution for dodging attacks. Also it feels sooooo cool to just walk around with your legion following you, makes for great screenshots too!

The levels are super linear, you go in a room, enemies spawn, you kill them, go to the next room, repeat. BUT, surprisingly, it doesn't get boring! Killing shit just feels good and there's enough room for you to experiment and play around with your legion to see what works and what doesn't, and it's something that you'll have to do cause this game doesn't fuck around, even on the standard difficulty some levels will kick your ass for a while, but the game isn't very long so it doesn't get too frustrating. Bosses are also pretty good for the most part, even if a bit gimmicky.

*im too cool to look into the camera* This leads me to talking about something else; the lenght of Chaos Legion. It's pretty short, about 5 hours to finish up the campaign, but you can also get back on the already completed levels to get more exp and high scores etc etc. The thing is, those 5 hours will feel much, much longer than what they really are. I would normally be able to finish a game that lasts 5 hours in one sitting, but Chaos Legion fucking EXHAUSTED me, after every couple levels i just had to close the damn thing cause i was phisically getting tired, but in a good way! Im not sure how to describe it, you should try this for yourself. One of the things that can make the whole experience feel frustrating is the lack of a decent tutorial for most of your moves, or any kind of explanation on how to level up your damn legion really. For example, at one point i kept on bumping into items that i just couldn’t reach with my normal jump, i went into the menus and found out that i was supposed to be able to jump higher thanks to one of my legions but it didn’t really tell me how, turns out you have to level up the ‘’enchant’’ attribute to get passive bonuses for Sieg, which kind of fucking sucks. Speaking of level up, there are two ways to get stronger, exp ( which is used for your legions only ) and items, items straight up increase your attributes permamently, and there’s no end to them, so in theory you could just repeat a level over and over again to farm stat-boosting items to get stupidly op, but there wasn’t really a need to do that. You can see that as a kind of last resort, if the game is getting too intense, you’re taking too much damage or not dealing enough, just retreat and farm a bit, it can only get easier. To wrap this up, there are two last things i want to mention At one point in the game you get to play as another character, Arcia, who duel wields guns, and honestly, despite her having a single level, she’s just so much more fun to play as than Sieg! The whole time i was playing her level i kept on thinking ‘’man i wish there was a whole game where you play as her’’ which i found pretty interesting, given how usually games throw at you ‘’alternative’’ levels (such as the ones with vehicles in crash bandicoot) and they can be total trash or just boring, when here it’s just better than the base game!

And now, for the audio. The audio is really fucked up. The voice acting is... decent, about what you would expect from a sunday morning anime, the sound effects are way too fucking loud, i really suggest turning them down first thing after you boot up the game, but the music is FANTASTIC, honestly, the boss themes are absolute banger and they immediatly ended up in my playlist, if you’re not sure about playing this try to look up the boss theme, you’ll want to play this after hearing that!

Oh, an by the way, this is painting after which the protagonist is named, it’s called Allegory or The Triumph of Justice, 1598, by Hans von Aachen

#chaos legion #ps2 #playstation 2 #capcom #gaming #games #anime #edgy

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currentfandomkick · 4 years

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Bio! Dad Strange part 3

Marinette, she had no idea how this happened, she swore, somehow got lost in gotham during an Arkham jailbreak. All she knew was one minute she was talking to Uncle Ed and then the next there was explosions and then she was... wherever she was.

Apparently Two-Face recognized her on the streets and grabbed her... only she didnt know him.

Her response was to flip him over her tiny shoulder and flee with a vengence. Guess which member of the batfam saw?

If you guessed Tim before he became a Robin because Dick was still Robin—albeit in charge of the Titans and not in Gotham at the time.

Tim did the reasonable thing and somehow convinced the freaked out french girl to go into a cafe while they called her parents.

Two-Face, convinced that tiny Tim kidnapped tiny Marinette and somehow his family would hurt tiny Marinette. Which given that she has how many Rogues around her little finger—Strange, Joker, Quinn, Ivy, Riddler, Penguin AND Zsasz. He did a coin flip to see if he should save her from being in the public eye and possibly expose her family. The coin was in favor of keeping Marinette from being on the news with pictures.

Two-Face decided it was safer to kidnap her from said public place and bring her to Ivy and Harley.

So he grabbed mutliple machine guns, raided the cafe and threw tiny Marinette over his shoulder and sent out shots at abyone that tried to get near them. He wasnt dying becuase of this kid, ok?

Of course said kid is super-powered, terrified, and did i mention its sunny out so her treatments are wearing out faster? No, well they are. This means everything is much scarier and louder and overwhelming that bwing thrown over a stranger that shot at people should be in any situation.

Tiny Tim is very scared for her. He finds Batman and alerts him to the tiny foreigner’s kidnapping—nearly getting killed by Mr. Freeze in the process to boot.

Batman is angry for many reasons, manages to take down Mr. Freeze and tells Gordon to be on alert for Two-Face who kidnapped a tiny french girl.

Only it gets worse.

Superman saw what was going on in Gotham and went to help out—his freind was dealing with a mass prison break of very dangerous criminals, why wouldnt he help?

And on hearing a tiny kid that freaked out in french was in danger? Well, what was he supposed to do Bruce? Ignore her?

He sent Conner after her while he helped out with a number of distrubed individuals, including a pyromaniac (firefly).

Conner manages to track down the pair on his own and almost loses it when he sees tiny Marinette kick Two-Face hard enough he falls down and the girl bolts a lot faster than a normal kid should. He comms in that the girl is a scared foriegn meta, and requests backup.

Kidflash is the one who answers, and takes care of Twoface while Conner tries to track down a terrifed tiny meta that screams in french.

Conner sees her running to a greenhouse and follows her in. Especially as the tiny girl jumped a lot higher than she should and it felt too familiar for comfort.

He manages to sneak in, followed by Kidflash, and they have an ‘oh shit’ moment when they see the scared girl run to a younger Poison Ivy with brown hair, crying. This teen holding a crying child is Rose.

Rose is visibly pissed. “Do you want me to kill him? J called dibs on his brother this time and Harley’s aiming for Tetch after last week.”

Tiny marinette shakes her head and delivers the best line for the young justice members, but worst for a baby Rogue.

“I dont want him to die, i just want him to stop hurting people.”

*remember, she is Jill in Gotham.

“Jilly bean, the world isnt nice. If it was, then batsy wouldnt have dropped me onto an ecoterrorist when i was a week old, and i would be allowed to leave the greenhouse. You wouldnt need to have nearly as many aliases as you do. You can try to make it nice in a lot of ways. I’m happy to handle extermination sicne thats the only thing i have shot at besides the rkc.”

Tiny marinette is frowning. “But then the world wins. I want to beat the world, not lose by being like it.”

Conner is (understandably) confused. Kidflash is processing that oh fuck. This is a meta raised by villians. And another meta raised by villians and goddamnit batman, why did you give a villian a baby? (He didnt. He gave ivy a ten year old. He thought she was her kid and she was raising her or something.)

Tiny Marinette is not happy with Rose’s conclusions.

“Can we call Ghoul and Frost? Maybe they can help with their dads?”

“And why not Puzzles?”

“He has asthma and he cant dodge.”

Rose considers for a moment before nodding. She grabs a plant and talks into it. “Ghoul, Frost, i need you at HQ. Someone has to reign in our dumbass parents. Bring the nuetralizers and tranqs.”

A voice came from another flower. “Should we have zsasz come with?”

“No! He’ll switch sides again!” Marinette yelled.

“Oh. Nets, what the hell are you doing at HQ?”

“Two-Face stole me. I ran.”

“Well, Fuck. Be there in five. Uh, how are your treatments holding?”

“She’s getting lighter. Might want to break out the rocks again.”

“Double fuck. Ill force Frost out of lab. Be there in a few—any crews to aviod or...”

“If they have a green arm band dont give them the fear toxin fixes, and Jerimah’s cult is back,” Marinette added.

“Fuck me up why dont you Gotham!” Ghoul cursed.

“Hey, she’s a kid!” Rose snapped

“Im older than you though!” Marientte chirped.

Conner had a lot to process with this information. Kidflash put together that they were applarently going to try to help the gothamites rather than the rogues, and decided they should leave and focus on helping the others.

Given that Marinette didnt catch the pair (she was still trying to focus on near things) she doesnt know that anyone but Batman and maybe Batgirl is fighting.

So she doesnt hide her abilities, flying at low levels to aviod Batman’s attention. But Kidflash and Batman see her and have a Moment of ‘which of us is telling Superman he might have another clone?’

Marinette, oblivious to this, is seen beside Jason Todd giving people Fear Toxin Antidote and Joker Gas Nuetralizer. Marinette is getting and distributing the antidotes. Jason Todd is making sure she doesnt die by wielding his baseball bat and riding his bike while she flies.

The day ends with most going back to Arkham and Marinette and Jason hiding from heroes for obvious reasons—including a teen and small child ignoring evacuation orders and avoiding GCPS.

Batman is aware of Marinette’s existence as “Jill” and “Nets” and that she helps a group of Rogue’s children that are content to undercut their parents crime. And now he knows Rose is either mcuh younger than he thought when he gave her (he thought brought her back home to) Poison Ivy. And is feeling guiltyTM

If you thought he was having a case of Serial Adopter Bruce Wayne, you are correct. He is now actively looking for these kids and where they are hiding since they moved post-breakout.

Zsasz is only slightly disappointed that Marinette didnt kill Two-Face. Jerome thinks its great and somehow convinces him to apoligize to her by offering to make up a number of contracts between rogues and the gotham underground in general to make things more organized so she and other rogue kids have a safe way of handling situations like that in the future.

Why dies JEROME of all people think this up and not Eddy or Riddler? The answer is he stole the idea from them, gave them no credit, and yes, is doing this as an attempt to score a few extra of marinette’s cookies. He has no shame in this, and riddler hates sweets so he isnt mad. Ed is too busy teaching Marinette Science to realize what happened until long after it did.

This puts Marinette and the RKC in a very odd position. Not only is The Batman trying to find them now, but they have to handle the Rogues trying to baby them. Ghoul and Frost are almost an adults, most people think Rose is almost an adult when irl she’s 5, and yes, Marinette is very much now Gotham Underground’s Princess as the Council is basically set up to ensure her safety.

Marinette knows none of this, as she is small child that just wants to cuddle her stuffed kitty Chaton and sleep on her Father (Strange) while he finishes up in his lab. She does this.

Mr. Freeze and Scarecrow got pictures. They use these to insert themselves in the Teach the Kids Science and Dangerous ThingsTM.

At one point marientte learns how to diassemble a bomb, reassemble one, and diffuse various bombs.

Riddler starts to use bombs more when she’s around to help her practice. Batman is confused as that is Not his usual M.O. Robin/ Dick gets called in and thigns get messy for the Batfam dynamics (he saw the research on the RKC and is pissed that He Was Right! Ivy Didnt Have Rose! and then saw plans for new batkids and reacted BadlyTM due to Teen AngstTM).

The summer ends with Batman having a bad fallout with Robin, Marinette thinking No One knows she’s kyptonian. When Conner suspects, Batman and Kidflash put two and two together, and no one has told Superman yet because um. Well.

They need the girl as proof and would rather not send Clark into another spiral about havig kids he wasnt aware of, ok? He just got decent with Conner. No need to rock the boat, right? (Wrong)

#maribat #maribat au #marinette strange dupain cheng #bio!dad strange #bio!dad au #marinette strange dupain cheng part 3 #my au #my idea #my ideas

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hockeybabestars · 4 years

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New Year, Same Us - Auston Matthews - Eight

a/n: im going out of town for a football game/visiting friends this weekend and i’m not bringing my computer so i thought i would post this early for yall!! thank you to every person who has been keeping up with this story and liking or reblogging! you mean so much to me! i hope yall enjoy the longest chapter of new year same us, to make up for the shortest in chapter seven (yikes!) we’re almost through with this story yall! we have a lil flashback in this chapter! (in italics) and finally have the prompt that started it all! (in bold)

September 18, 2018

Austons P.O.V

“Aus?!” She yelled from her room. “Are you almost ready?”

I had been ready for 20 minutes and was sitting on our couch waiting for her to finish up. “Yeah I’m ready now!” I rolled up my sleeve to get a better look at my watch, “are you almost ready? It would look really bad if my plus one made us late.” I snicker as I heard her heels clack, the light to the hallway going off simultaneously.

I got up from the sofa as she entered, and boy, was I going to have to keep an eye on her tonight. She looked stunning. The light pink dress cinched her curves in all the right places, and her hair was in waves. She was like something out of a dream. She didn’t bat an eye as she went to the kitchen looking for the keys. I came up behind her and dangled them in her face, and before she could snatch them I pulled them away. She reached for them again but I held them behind my head, and suddenly she was all too close to my face. I glanced down at her lips, wanting to kiss them badly but then I quickly diverted back up to her eyes. “You look stunning (Y/N).”

I could feel her breath hitch against my own lips and the minty flavor of her gum hit my nose before she smiled genuinely, her signature smile where her lips tilted a little crooked at the corners, and it made my heart flutter. “Thanks Aus, you don’t look too bad yourself.”

She stepped away and we did a once over of our apartment, making sure we didn’t forget anything. I grinned and opened our front door for her, watching her walk as she went. I locked the door and we went down the hall towards the elevator, “just out of curiosity,” she toyed with a strand of her hair, eyes flicking up to me through long lashes, “how much did your suit cost?” She was smirking at me and I couldn’t resist really. “Wanna bet on it?” The elevator dinged for us to get on and she rolled her eyes, “do I even have a choice?”

“No use fighting at this point babydoll.” I flashed her my signature smirk as the floor indicator ticked down.

“Does that really work on girls?” She played.

“Apparently not on you.” I laughed but deep down I kinda hoped it did.

“It’s because I know you better than you know you.” She stated matter of factly. She did though. That was the scary part. We hit the first level and strolled out, before she added thoughtfully, “did you want it to work on me?”

I felt my cheeks flame, and was thankful she was walking slightly ahead of me, “uhh,” I faltered before gaining my confidence back, “depends on if you wanted it too.”

She stopped for a split second, giving me a chance to catch up before she continued walking, this time leaning into me a little bit, “maybe.”

My heart jumped at that, “Still wanna make that bet?” I opened the car door for her. She thanked me and I hopped in the drivers side.

“Am I betting high or low.” She gave me side eye as she buckled her seat belt and we were off.

“What do you think?” I grinned. There’s no way she gets this. “Do you know your suits? What brand am I even wearing?” I smiled.

I could feel her eyes on me as mine were on the road, and she reached over and ran her finger down the lapel of it, feeling the fabric. I tried to concentrate on the road but she was leaned over the console examining the details of my suit, looking for anything that would give away the designer or price. I needed to think fast, I could tell this would be a long night already and it hadn’t really even begun.

I swatted her hand away, “hey stop it! that’s cheating.” I smiled and looked over at her as we hit a light. She placed her palm flat against my chest as she mocked me, pulling her lower lip into a pout. I could feel my heartbeat pick up and surely she could too.

“Just seeing what I have to work with Aus.” The nickname melted off her tongue like butter and really I only like it when she says it anyway. The light flashed green and I grabbed her hand off my chest, entwining our fingers together and resting them over the middle console. “I’m betting high, what like $7,000? Is that too much for a suit? What is it Gucci? Aren’t you like their poster boy or something?”

I laughed at her accusations and she squeezed my hand a little too hard. “Ow! Jeez woman that hurt. Those are my money makers!”

She swatted at me again, “sorry not sorry. Isn’t like half your closet Gucci or something. I feel like I should know this but I’m really drawing a blank here.”

A smile crept up onto my face. She’s cute when she’s thinking too hard. She always over thinks or over-analyzes everything. It’s like it’s written in her DNA or something.

She looked over at me and I attempted to keep a straight face, “it’s Gucci isn’t it.” I nodded. “$7000 close?”

I kept a tight lip. She turned towards me, “it’s fuckin higher isn’t it!!!” Her voice raised towards the end and I burst out laughing.

“$10,000.” Her jaw dropped, “what do I get since you couldn’t guess it?”

“I can’t believe you spent $10,000 on a suit.” She was in awe, “that’s like a trip to Europe, or a down payment on a car, what are you psycho?”

“Are you really belittling me right now?” I chuckled, “you guessed $7,000 that’s just as high!!!”

“Yeah but-“

“But what? $7000 okay to drop but $10 is too much?” Her face went blank as she tried to process it and I howled as her eyebrows knit together. She was something else.

“I hate you.” She fought to keep the smile off her face.

“Your mouth says otherwise.” She covered her lips with her hands as we pulled up to the venue, she finally pulled them off as we valeted the car. And as we walked into the rustic barn I elbowed her a bit, grinning wildly, “seriously though, what’s my prize since you didn’t guess right?”

She linked our arms as we tried to figure out where we were sitting and smirked at me, “Bragging rights.”

“I bet we could make it a little more interesting.”

“Oh of course you bet huh.”

“You owe me a dance.”

She pouted. “Aus-“

“Nuh-Uh. We’re dancing later, it’s the least you can do.”

I can tell she wanted to press me further but instead she just nodded, “Okay.”

“Wow, I didn’t think that would be this easy. I need to win bets more often.” I knew how much she hated dancing. It was because she had two left feet and literally tripped over herself on any normal day. She didn’t like to embarrass herself. The truth was, she wasn’t a bad dancer at all. She could dance fine by herself, especially after a drink or two. But she was clumsy enough that partner dancing wasn’t really her thing. I always try to get her to at weddings and events but she doesn’t budge. She's stubborn as hell, but it’s why I love her. She doesn’t change for anyone. Not even me. I always ended up finding some random bridesmaid to dance with at these things, but tonight she was mine.

We wandered further into the barn stopping for a few pictures together before the ceremony as Paige snapped away on her phone and a film camera as well. Mitch and Steph found their way to us too and soon enough we had group pictures with the six of us, then guys, girls, and finally as we finished up it was about time to find our seats.

The Tavares wedding was really going to be something. Greenery was everywhere and there was a modern feel to their set up even with the more natural elements. I put a hand on (Y/N)’s lower back and guided her to our seats on the grooms side. We were in the middle back and slid into the refurbished white bench with ease, the rest of our group following suit, filing into the row after us. I wrapped an arm around the back of (Y/N)’s seat as she crossed her ankles, leaning into me while we waited for the ceremony to start. A comfortable silence settled over us and somehow both our free hands found each other on their own accord. Soon enough she was playing with my fingers, clasping and unclasping them, tracing the outline of my hand and holding our palms up to watch our hands align. It was something we had done plenty of times before. Whenever we got bored or were watching Netflix or at family events. It was inevitable that our hands would meet. Her hand was a lot smaller than mine, and we quietly played a game of thumb wars before the loud chattering settled down. I could hear the preacher say to rise, so I gently grabbed her hand in mine and lead her up. She was still leaning into me as we waited for the bride to make her way down the aisle.

John and Aryne chose to say their own vows although short and sweet. It was nice. Being here, celebrating them. (Y/N) was the perfect wedding date. She was classy and reserved when needed but could definitely open up and make conversation with anyone who approached her. And soooo many people approached her. Which was crazy because she was the plus one. But that’s just (Y/N), stealing everyone’s heart the way she stole mine.

It had to be obvious at this point. I thought my incessant flirting and annoying her every chance I got would be enough to give her the hint, but apparently not. I thought that living together was another sign that maybe I was kind of into her but she just took it at face value since it was the most logical option. I think I really realized how I've felt this past May. I mean, it was there all along, but I didn’t admit it to myself until then. She started hooking up with some random guy at college, and when I walked into some kid in our apartment it made my stomach lurch. I don’t think I’ve ever felt that sick in my life.

I had talked to her earlier in the day. We were on a long road trip in the west and I was excited to get back and see her.

It felt like maybe things had been changing between us lately, and I wanted to get back and test the waters a little just to see if she even felt a tiny bit the same. It was easy with her. I missed her like crazy, constantly texting to see what she was up to, and sending snapchat updates of what the boys and I were doing, just because I knew she would send a picture back and I could see that gorgeous face again.

Our flight was delayed because weather in Toronto was pretty bad. And we didn’t end up landing till pretty late. I texted her when we landed at 12 that I would be home soon. I never got a response so I figured she was asleep.

What I didn’t expect, when I came home at 1am on a Saturday, was some random guy going through the cupboards in our kitchen with just his boxers on.

“Uh who are you?” I had a sour taste in my mouth.

The guy looked up from his position on the floor, going through the bottom cabinets and I swear almost shit himself. “Oh my god you’re Auston Matthews.” I frowned. Oh jeez a hockey fan, how rare in this city! He shook his head in disbelief and stood up, walking over to me and put his hand out for me to shake. I took it, begrudgingly. “I’m Reese, it’s really nice to meet you, although I never thought it would be like this.”

I scoffed, but he didn’t seem to notice. He found (Y/N)’s post it notes on the kitchen island and pulled one off handing it to me, “do you think you could sign this for me?”

“What the hell is going on here? Reese I thought-” (Y/N) ‘s voice sounded a little groggy, like she might’ve been sleeping, but when she came out of her room, only clad in black lace underwear and a t-shirt I presumed to be his, my breath caught in my throat. One because she looked damn good. And two because she was wearing his clothes and practically nothing else. I felt a fire in my chest. I swallowed hard and tried to remain neutral.

When she finally realized I was home her eyes went wide. “Oh, uh, hey Aus.”

“(Y/N) you didn’t tell me your roommate was the Auston Matthews.” This guy was still here?

She uncomfortably glanced over at me. Yeah me too. “Uh roommate? Try best friend.” I said smugly.

“I didn't see a reason to bring it up.” She said. Ouch that hurt.

“Sorry Reese bro, but I’m gonna have to ask you to leave, I really need to get to bed and I’m sure your friend (Y/N) here can fill you in on all the dirty details later. Have a great night.” I walked past them and into my room, shutting the door. Trying to get ready for bed without my head exploding from everything that just happened. I waited until I could hear him leave before I went and knocked on her door.

“What Matthews?” I opened it slightly and peered in, leaning on the door frame and watching her fix her bedding a bit, now in another old t-shirt.

“Matthews huh? Can I come in?” She nodded and crawled under the white comforter patting the spot next to her. I sat down on top of it before rethinking this whole situation. “Actually can we go to my room?” I wasn’t really comfortable that they just fucked in here and wasn’t too keen on sitting in the bed that someone else got to touch her in.

She nodded and as I grabbed her hand, I felt tingles. I didn’t dare to look behind me as I lead her to my room. We crawled under the covers and sat against the headboard.

We stared up at the ceiling a bit before she turned to me. “You’re so dramatic.”

I looked over to her and I could tell she was slightly upset. “But I know that’s not exactly the most fun thing to come home to and I’m sorry.”

“S’okay. Were you ever gonna tell me you were kinda seeing someone?” My jealousy got the best of me, and I couldn’t help but let it seep into my voice a little as I ask.

“No not really, you never tell me when you do...So.” She shrugged, and I tilted my head back a little, groaning.

“You don’t tell people we’re friends either?” It sucked knowing that maybe she was ashamed of me for whatever reason. I always told everyone about her. I loved to talk about her and how proud I am of her for working hard in college and her internship which she officially secured, and just being the amazing, kind hearted person that she is.

“It’s different… I- I don’t tell strangers or people I just met or at least until I have a grasp on their personality. I stopped doing that a long time ago. I can never tell if they want to be friends with me, or have a relationship with me, for me or to get to you.”

“Oh.” It sucks, but it makes sense.

“Oh. Is right. Also I don’t want people to be up either of our asses if they're just clout chasers.” She smiled, shaking her head as I laughed, “Just not how I want to spend my time.”

I sighed, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to kick him out, that was just weird and I wasn’t expecting you to have company and-“

“Auston. It’s okay. I should’ve warned you in some way, or gone to his place. Maybe this whole thing could’ve been prevented. I’m the one who’s sorry. That situation was pretty awkward.” I don’t want her at some guys place. I want her with me.

I grabbed her hand and placed a soft kiss on her cheek. My stomach churning as I did so, “Stop worrying. Don’t be sorry either. We good?” She nodded and entwined our pinky’s. “Always.” And with that she slipped out of the darkness of my room and back down the hallway to hers. And my heart ached with every step.

Maybe I wasn’t doing enough, maybe I just needed to be upfront.

I took a swig of the beer I was drinking and set it back on the table as I watched her converse with Steph, Paige, and Aryne, Probably complementing the bride on her gown and the allure of the wedding.

Pretty soon we were eating steak, mashed potatoes and wedding cake, and my stomach was all too full when the bride and groom shared their first dance. I looked to (Y/N) to see her swooning at John and Aryne adoringly. She was facing the back of her chair, hands resting on the back of it, and chin resting on her hands. “Don’t you just love those two together?” Her nose crinkled. It was really cute.

I stood and held my hand out to her as other couples started to join in on the dance floor. She looked up to me, eyes slightly glazed from her glasses of champagne, but I knew she was at a good level. Sober enough to make good decisions, buzzed enough to have a good time. “Are you gonna dance with me?” My heart felt like it was racing as I waited for her answer.

She took my hand so I took it as a yes. I lead her out to the dance floor, Kiss Me by Ed Sheeran coming on as we stopped in the middle. She wrapped her arms around my neck and my hands settled on her waist, pulling her close. My stomach churned with nerves and a little bit of excitement. I looked down at her, her head on a swivel, looking everywhere but me. Other people are looking at us and her brow knit in confusion. Her hand was burning a hole where it was placed flat against my chest.

“What’s going on in that pretty little head of yours?” I touched her forehead lightly, then bringing my hand back down and wrapping it around her waist securely.

She looked back to me, eyes widening, “It’s nothing.”

“You know you can tell me anything right?” I tried, pulling her back into me as she slowly tried to pull herself away. “That’s what friends are for. And hey, quit trying to leave me!” I laugh, grinning. “Were kind of in the middle of that dance you owe me.”

She smiles back softly but glances around the room again, this time almost self consciously. “It’s just that… I don’t know- I don’t really know how to say it without sounding weird.”

“Are you okay? Is something wrong? You know nothing you say will ever sound weird to me? I’m pretty sure we’ve been through it all.” I leaned my forehead against hers and try to ease her mind but she seems so off. I don’t know what happened because everything seemed normal when we first got here.

She took a breath and pulled back a little looking right at me, “Everyone thinks we’re a couple.” I could see the nerves riddling her features and it made me curious as to why. It’s not what I was expecting, but it made me grin, “I know.”

“You know? It doesn’t bother you?” Her nose scrunched again.

“Should it? Does it bother you? I mean, personally I think I could do worse as far as fake lovers go, but…” She playfully shoved me and we fell right back into place, swaying as the song went on melodically.

“It really doesn’t bother you?” She seemed unsure, but avoided my question nonetheless, looking up at me as if the only answer I could give would be yes. That it does bother me. And that couldn’t be further from the truth.

I shrugged trying to play it cool, “why would it bother me?”

“I don’t know…” She looked away, back to the surrounding crowd as the song changed. “You’re Auston Matthews.” She huffed. “You can get any girl you want. Wouldn’t people believing that… we’re an item… wouldn’t that get in the way?”

I grabbed her hands in mine, looking down at them. She instinctively clasped them together and my heart warmed as I glanced back up at her. “That’s just the thing.” We had stopped dancing at this point, and I’m pretty sure we were in the way of people trying to dance, but I didn’t mind. “You don’t see me as the Auston Matthews. You never did. You just see me as Auston Matthews, your extremely good looking and talented best friend.” I smirked.

“Way to ruin it.” She laughed.

I gently pulled her closer, “you see me as the dumb kid who broke his arm at your eighth birthday party, and the horrible friend who spilled punch on your prom dress, and the annoying son of bitch who always tries to force you to dance. You never see me as someone who’s untouchable,” I grab her hand and place it over my heart, “you always touch me.” She looked as if she lost her breath, eyes swirling with emotions. She carefully removed the hand that was over my heart and stood still for a second. She looked back up to me meticulously, “let’s get some air yeah?” I let my hand rest on the small of her back and nodded as she lead the way out, one step ahead of me. My heart was pounding in my chest.

I couldn’t be more grateful for the little piece of privacy that we had out here. The air had turned slightly cooler, and I could see her shiver a little, although she would never admit she’s cold. I shrugged my suit jacket off anyway as we walked along the outside of the barn. The sun was starting to go down and the chill in the air picked up. I wrapped my jacket around her shoulders, and used it to pull her in closer to me.

She muttered a thanks and I sucked in a breath. Now or never Matt’s.

But she turned to me sharply, beating me to the punch, “you can’t just say stuff like that you know?”

“Why not?” Her eyes met mine and the wary look on her face told me what I needed to know. I know what she’s thinking. And she means more to me than anyone. She must know that. She has too.

“You could never get in the way of anything (Y/N).” I tucked a lone strand of hair behind her ear as her eyes sparkled and flickered up to mine. “It doesn’t bother me because I don’t want just any girl.” I toe around the subject, hoping she can figure it out before I have to say it outright.

“Well, what do you want Aus?” I want you. Don’t make me say it. Don’t make me ruin a good thing (Y/N). I don’t want to lose us.

My eyes flicker down to her lips. I close my eyes and lean in a little, nudging her nose with my own. Slowly but surely closing the gap between us. I could feel the electricity radiating off her, our lips barely touching before I heard a voice coming from the door. We broke apart, wide eyed, hearts racing, both looking to see who joined us outside.

Kappy looked drunk. And Paige looked like she was dying from laughter. They spotted us and made their way over. I looked back at (Y/N), her cheeks flushed and managing to look anywhere but me, although my arm was still wrapped around her. She leaned into my touch as they approached.

“Youuuuu guyssss.” Kap slurred and Paige just seemed to notice the position we were in.

“Uh Kappy needed some air, but I see you guys did too.” She grabbed his hand and tried to lean him into her for leverage. “We’ll just let you guys have some privacy.”

(Y/N) turned her face into my shoulder as Paige tried to shove Kappy back into the reception. I looked down to her and laughed. She did too, bringing her face out of my shoulder. I would’ve tried to recreate the moment but it seemed like it was lost as she grabbed my hand and tugged me back inside. “C’mon Aus, we should get back.” And I had no choice but to follow.

#auston matthews #auston matthews imagine #new year same us #nysu fic #toronto maple leafs #hbsimagine #hockeybabestars #friends to lovers #friends to more

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vinylhazza · 5 years

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ethan being sick and begging you to suck him off because he wants you to take his pain away temporarily

“i’m dying this is what’s happening my life is ending and i haven’t planned my funeral or beat the last level on my batman game,” ethan is groaning from the his side of the bed, pathetic and small under the heap of covers on top of his limp body. you wanted to cuddle but you needed to tidy up the room just a bit or you would surely go insane from the clothes strung all over the wooden floor, bed, and chair.

it’s never messy in his room but he’s a sick mopy mess so you thought you would help out knowing how annoying and whiny men get when they are sick. hence ethan’s over dramatic testament.

so you’re bustling around picking up cups and making little comments here and there:

“a banana peel ethan? really?”

“you haven’t even worn these shorts yet why are they on the floor?”

“okay that’s it, this is the last cup i better find in here or i’m gonna flip”

and he would be laughing at your irritated voice and try and kiss it away for you but he’s so fucking sick he can’t even find he energy to pay attention. you sound like his mother and he hates it but he feels like he literally can’t move. he’s been stumbling around the house sneezing his soul out at every 10 second periods that the energy has drained away from him and leave him to be a stiff lump under the covers. all he’s good for at this point is whining.

he wants to cuddle. he wants to cuddle so bad, but his best friend at the moment is a pale blue box of tissues that are half empty from him blowing his face off for so long. his nose his red, itchy, and sore and his cheeks are puffy and pale. he doesn’t look good. perfect to you as always but to anyone else he probably looks like death. but when you hear his statement you are whipping around.

“e baby you aren’t dying you’re just sick quit being a whiner,” you smile softly at him, stepping close and leaning onto the bed to kiss his cheek despite his quiet warnings that he is a walking sickness machine.

“but i ammmm i just want some lovin’ but i’m tired” he’s mumbling, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear gently. his tone is suggestive and he’s fiddling with the necklace he got you for christmas, sparkling against his face from the light of the lamp. he couldn’t handle the natural light from his window - moaning that it was too bright and was just mother nature mocking his headache.

“bubba you’re a little too tired to do anything aren’t you? you can’t even move,” you’re trying to be rational but it’s hard because you would never turn down any sexual moment with ethan even if he is sick. he was the one denying all the attention all day and warning you away like he had the plague.

“yeah but maybe you could...give me a little somethin for my troubles?” he smirks with hopeful puppy dogs eyes, now moving to twirl a lock of your hair around his finger.

“a little something for your troubles huh?” a sly smile is cast across your face at the look in his eyes, honestly excited because he hasn’t even let you touch him except for him spooning you during the night since the day he got sick. you have been having to beg to even lay against his chest when he naps. he loves his girl, just doesn’t wanna get you sick. and honestly you wanted to help him out cause it might help you out too, seeing him all worked up again. “such an inconvinence isn’t it?” you mutter with a teasing gleam.

he’s nodding with his bottom lip out in a pout, brown eyes gleaming up just drinking in all the sympathy he can get so he feels a little better. he still can’t breathe that well but when the cover finally drops and the cold air hits the skin that was showing just under his hoodie, he’s sucking in a breath and clutching your hand - wanting you to help him but hating the cold so so much.

ethan watches as your bat his hand away with a giggle, assuring him he’ll be warm in no time. you quickly remove his joggers with urgent fingers, wanting to get the show on the road seeming as you were just as eager to have him in your mouth as he was to be in it.

he hoped you knew how much he appreciates you doing this when he’s been so yucky and gross. but you would never think of ethan in any other way than your honey - he was just a bit sick that’s all.

he complies by lifting his hips when you tug at the band of his boxers, knowing he’s rock hard and being slightly impressed that he got that worked up just by the thought of you sucking him off but knowing it’s been a few days and that seems to be a lot when it came to you guys. he normally can’t keep his greedy hands off of you.

he watches with a ghost of a smile as you tug the boxers down so he springs free and all the way down to his feet and toss them to the end of the bed.

“make you feel all better,” you whisper absentmindedly, knowing it’s not going to fix the virus persay but it’s gonna make him feel better for a little while and get his body amped up for a bit.

“thank you swee- h-holy shit okay,” he’s overwhelmed already by your warm hand that comes to wrap around him. his voice is shaky and little coming from such a big man.

“holy shii- okay that’s-“ he breathes when he feels your hot palm circle around him, squeezing lightly. his voice is gravely but he gets the point across well. you’re smoothing some of his precum that oozed from the tip down his base, alluringly clutching his dick and smirking at the fact it is much more smooth and wet and easier to rub.

your movements are slow at first, wanting to ease him into it and give him a slow burn so it would last longer for him because he just looks so excited. it’s a slow up, down, and twist of your wrist with heavy eye contact. you’re thumbing the slit quickly back and forth making his cock jump in your hands and his body jolted with a gutteral moan, drawn out and heavy.

“fuck that felt good baby”, he’s admitting through quivering lips. he really looks like he might cry with how good you’re already making him feel.

you were taking your time. it was honestly because you were nervous and excited to get him in your mouth at the same time. it just seemed like everytime you saw him bare he got bigger. you would never tell him that he already had a massive ego. you always tease him about being small and it usually gets him into an angry possessive sex mood and you love it too much to ruin it with admitting he’s actually massive. he knows it anyway. when you usually say these things he fucks you against every surface of the house and he didn’t give a damn WHO was in the house, just that you know his dick is the only one you’re ever going to need.

he did look quite cute laying down all snuggled in his hoodie, the neckline just low enough to show his mouth. you could’ve giggled but he kept twitching in your hand and making it hard to concentrate. his girth his heavy in your palm, so fucking hard so fast.

he’s looking at you with timid eyes, tucking fringe back when you lean down to give his tip a sweet kiss. the sight of your hot plump lips laying against the tip affectionately, passionately, almost like you loved it, sent another moan ripping through him quickly.

your eyes closed and your lips envelope him after waiting so long to get him as hard as he could get, so tight and wet. you’re twirling your tongue and rolling it on him.

“roll your tongue on me- yes yes like that keep doing that- oh,” he’s whimpering and clutching your hair in his hand, slipping the the hoodie higher over his stomach from started to sweat and getting too hot.

you’re suckling on his cock like a pacifier, wide doe eyes blinking at him under long eyelashes. he groaned and his hips threatened to buck. you know he’s completely not concerned about how sick he is at this point, just about your warm wet mouth working on him. your pussy is clenching and pulsing, craving him being up inside you. but you want to just ease him into this and if you would have him inside you at this point you would just ride him until you black out so that wouldn’t be the best option.

he’s panting heavily when you take a hard lick against the head of his dick, tonguing the slit and swirling it for added torture. your hand wraps around his base once more.

you’re rubbing him up and down fast, spreading spit over his length to make your hands that much smoother against him.

“this making you feel better bubba?” your voice is thick and sweet like honey, dripping with seduction.

“yes,” he swallows hard, voice tiny and desperate. he’s all but massaging your scalp as you sink down on his dick repeatedly.

you speed up to a steady pace, twisting one hand to meet your mouth on the way down, focusing on his erratic breathing and the gasps and whimpers he would let escape from his slack mouth. focused on the tightening of his stomach and hand in your hair.

“shiittt- mhm im gonna cum,” he warns you urgently, lifting his hips into your mouth to face fuck you gently with the energy he had left.

“give me all of it bubba,” low voice pushing him further to that place. you look up at his face once more and moan around him when you notice color had come back to his face, rosy cheeks to match his rosy nose.

you knew what was coming and you were prepared to catch it all. you hummed around him and with that he yelled out, finishing in your mouth in hot spurts shooting onto your tongue. it just keeps coming. he’s letting go so hard his thighs are quivering, his head is thrown back, mouth open, moaning loud, eyes watering, totally gone.

you suction your lips when you come up, keeping all of it inside and taking his face in your hand, making him look as you swallow. that has him shooting a little more from the tip, kind of embarrassed at this point that he came that hard but feeling so good and warm he doesn’t care.

“fuck you’re too good to me,” he chuckles, a drunk dazed looking smile coming to his face. you laugh lightly, lowering yourself down to have him wrap his big arms around you. you have to take the crap you picked up to the kitchen but you’re honestly horny as fuck so you might have to fix your own situation before you can even think about continuing to clean.

“you deserve it bubba,” you mutter, kissing and sucking on his neck, pulling the covers back up to cover his lower half and over your shoulders. his breathing is becoming heavy, the blood flowing through him easier now he feels like. he’s sleepy and your lips on his neck feel so good that he’s slipping into sleep again. so thankful for his angel.

#asks #e!concepts #ethan!concepts #im gonna die #sorry it took so long #you can hate me if you want #hope you like it

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faejilly · 5 years

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i hate how everyone felt the need to dictate what alec should or shouldn’t do to save his bf like if izzy didn't jump in front of simon risking her life to save him&jace didn’t risk everyone and everything for clary, same w clary yet when alec thinks of becoming a vampire as a way to save his fiancé that'll still keep him "alive" they flip out like hypocrites

basically what im saying is they all get to do whatever tf they want without getting alec’s thoughts on the matter and when alec does they don’t care (and the narrative glorifies them and gives them moral high grounds like always) but when it comes to alec and magnus suddenly there has to be a whole meeting for everyone to feel comfortable

Hmm.

Well nonny. I both agree & disagree with what you’re saying here? Like, it’s a consistent problem in the show that everyone does stupid shit all the fucking time (because it’s a melodrama and also they’re mostly all 19 and I’m sorry to my younger readers but everyone is an idiot at 19, we just are, I’m including myself in this, there is no getting around it; we may all be idiots in different ways but it’s still there!) but Alec is both older & the only one who has a story/character-arc about reconciling one’s mistakes, so he’s the only one who ever has to deal with consequences and that is super shitty. It makes everyone else look like assholes even when they’re not supposed to, and it makes his storyline heavier and sadder in comparison to potential hero-moments that other people get. (He never gets to be right, not really, and that’s exhausting.)

Like, I don’t think anyone’s disagreeing that that’s a thing the show does and also that it’s crap. Alec gets judged and everyone else (mostly) gets away with shit. (Every time Clary charges out of the Institute to Do Things™ in season 1? Alec’s legitimate tactical concerns being framed as jealousy over Jace? Izzy & everything remotely related to her sub-plot in 2a? Every time Jace refused to tell anyone anything about what was wrong in 3a? SUMMONING LILITH IN 3B ANYONE? Dear lords. *sighs forever*)

The counter to this is that Alec gets AGENCY, he gets to make decisions about his life and act on them; even when they’re shitty decisions they’re his, and everyone else is mostly just sitting around and reacting to things all the time. (Especially Magnus in 3b OH GODS I WILL NEVER BE OVER THAT, but sorry, different post.)

I will say, there’s a meeting about Magnus/Heavenly Fire/Edom because Lilith is going to try and destroy the world and so it’s not just about Alec needing to rescue his fiance. It’s not that everyone got together just to judge Alec for making emotional decisions when he’s, you know, legit emotional about things, they do have other issues to discuss.

I also think there’s a difference between most of the crew’s tendency to impulsive & stupid decisions in the field, and Alec’s ability to think tactically and make a decision and throw himself at it in .5 seconds while everyone else is still standing around going wtf? Like, it’s one of my favorite Alec traits, but it’s a little concerning to watch if you love him and don’t know he’s fiction and thus it will all work out in the end.

Like, you can see Alec, in his head, in the same amount of time it takes everyone else to think: oh shit, can we even get to Edom? What now? going:

I can’t go to Edom as a Nephilim.

De-Runing won’t work, still have angel blood, how to get rid of Angel blood?

Some sort of blood curse would be dangerous and would probably take too long and I don’t even know if it would work, have to be a Downworlder.

There’s no known way to turn into a Seelie or a Warlock, Werewolf change isn’t guaranteed and won’t go into effect until the next full moon, so that’ll REALLY take too long. Vampire will have to kill me and also might not work but the odds are better than curses or Werewolf and I’ll be ready to go tomorrow… any other way? No?

“Simon Make me a Vampire”

THAT’S NOT NORMAL.

It’s delightful and I love him, but that’s not how most people’s brains work, so I don’t begrudge the fact that everyone else around him went: what, NO.

I went oh no, baby, don’t do that and I was totally with him on the thought process. (He will die and he might stay dead and not get up again. Also what’s he gonna eat in Edom? What happens if he loses control and bites Magnus? What’s he going to do in a hell dimension for FOREVER while Lilith tries to kill Magnus? That’s only the start of a plan, where’s the rest of it? And of course he has to kill himself as part of the process! That’s different on a visceral level than the rest of his family’s ability to throw themselves between someone and a sword in the heat of battle.)

Now, to Alec’s credit, I think he’s completely aware of all those follow-up questions, it’s not that he doesn’t know he only has half a plan… he just doesn’t care. His longevity is never a factor when he’s making tactical decisions.

Which is traumatic for the people who love him, and gets them being all judgey at him when he does it. (Which may not be the best way to express concern but hey, sometimes people are really dumb even when they mean well.)

So yes, I hate that Alec is consistently held up to higher standards than the rest of the cast, I hate that they let him bear the consequences of everything that happens to everyone ever, that the show mostly framed this as reasonable because it was always busy shoving Clary & Jace into the Next Disaster™ and that no one except Magnus ever even seemed to notice that Alec carried everyone else.

That said… I don’t think everyone being upset at Alec’s “TURN ME INTO A VAMPIRE” plan was really a case of them being hypocritical so much as it was a case of them being in denial about how bad the situation they were in actually was: No, that can’t actually be the only way to do this, there’s got to be a better option, right?

/shameless self-promotion: for further thoughts on Alec as Vampire, pls see my insomnia-fueled not!fic.

Now, part of their disbelief can be attributed to the fact that none of them (except Simon being raped & murdered by Camille, and Isabelle and her yin fen arc) have ever actually faced the consequences of their terrible decisions before, and in both those cases they kind of… never addressed the consequences again later? But I’ve always taken that as a failure in the story-telling rather than a character trait, iykwim.

The show never deals with consequences and emotional aftermaths, it’s not that sort of show. Can you blame the characters for that, or do you assume it happens off screen and we just never got to see it, because the story never told us that part for anything? (Except notably Magnus’ flashbacks after the agony rune, and there’s a reason that arc is one of a lot of people’s favorites, and it’s mostly HSjr’s amazing performance but it’s also that it is one of the few moments of proper emotional catharsis & follow-through in the whole series.)

It is really just personal preference, I mean, you have to base the characters on what the show gives us, but sometimes, idk. You can disagree with canon. Sometimes canon is wrong, and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with basing your enjoyment of media on that premise.

For me it’s important to acknowledge the limits of the media, the style of the show and the pressures of production and scenes where it seems clear that what they’re trying to say and what ended up on screen may not be the same thing, to take character inconsistencies and wonder which ones are part of the character, (because people are inconsistent) and which ones are a side-effect of production errors. *shrugs* ymmv and all that though

#shadowhunters #alec lightwood #sh meta #sh critical #long post for ts #Anonymous #jilly answers #my sh rambling

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thechildoflightning · 5 years

Text

JKSF Jobs

I got asked awhile ago by the lovely @mewithanie if I could write about everyone’s jobs in jksf if it sparked my interest. It did spark my interest, but I couldn’t figure out how to make it into a one-shot or story, so take a tumblr post bullet-style explanation instead!

Read on to find out all about the jobs Patton, Roman, Logan, and Virgil hold in just keep stumbling forward (baby im waiting for you)

tw: suicide (oc), PTSD and trauma (mentioned only), mentions of drugs, alcohol, and school shootings.

Patton

Runs a non-profit

Non-Profit pairs up with schools

Non-Profit is an art therapy center focused on increasing connection within teenagers and allowing them an appropriate outlet for emotional turmoil

Patton’s group generally gets placed on ‘high-risk’ campuses or campuses that have incidents happen at them

‘High-risk’ in this case is defined by higher than normal suicide rates, low attendance rates, high-levels of illegal activity (generally drug and alcohol use), high rate of poor mental health, more than average amounts of cheating, etc

Instances involve things like excessive inappropriate school-wide behavior (ie. all the kids getting drunk and disorderly at a school event) as well as shocking incidents (student death from suicide, overdose, drunk driving, or things such as school shootings)

Some kids come by choice, others are referred through a suspension exchange program

Pretty much, a kid gets suspended but can choose to go to the group’s meetings instead of facing suspension

Kids get referred for suspensions that deal with violence, drug use, alcohol use, excessive absences, and so forth

The idea behind it is that suspended the kid will only negatively impact the kids record and give no reason to change behavior, while the group can help get to the root of the issue and work towards solving/improving that instead

Other kids go by choice bc they’re looking for extra support, a healthy outlet, advice, etc

They have weekly after school meetings (per each district, with one focal school in each one. The program is currently seven districts wide)

They also have lunch drop-ins were you can come make art, chill, get a snack, pet a therapy dog, and other stuff

One of Patton’s first schools was the same school Virgil works at

Patton generally leads the entire non-profit and has delegates to deal with the different districts

He handles the school/district that Virgil is at, though he attempts to go to as many things at the other districts as he can

Does a lot of outside work promoting the program to school and school boards, but is starting to delegate a lot of that work to others so he can focus on the kids instead of the bureaucratic shit

Has had to cut back on individual involvement and delegate more as the work and stress from running an entire non-profit has taken a large toll on his health related to chronic illness

He is Not Happy about this fact, but it’s for his health and he needs it. His spouses help support in any ways that they can.

Roman

Theater Boi

He is a director for a local theater company that is actually not half-bad

Enjoys the heck out of it

Went into college planning to become an actor

And boy does he love acting and the truth is? He was good enough. He could have become an actor.

But somehow he finds it even more magical running everything behind the acting (and so so much more work, god he never realized how much Work This Was)

So he joins a theater company and he slowly works his way up

At first he comes in as assistant choreographer

He’s young and they don’t think much of it, but the show genuinely improves by his individual suggestions and work and wait, who the fuck is this kid and how do we hang onto him?

He makes his way up quite quickly, sliding his way into assistant directly and then co-director and then suddenly the director’s leaving and now he’s the director

It happens fast and it’s very very exciting but he’s also honestly a little overwhelming and he’s never been good at managing large tasks without procrastinating bc executive dysfunction (see this post and this one about Roman and ADHD)

And now he is The Director and an entire production is depending on him. Everything. All of it. And it was what he was looking for but it’s a lot.

The first time he’s on his own, it goes okay

It’s by far not the best the company has done, but it’s also not the worst and the company is pretty supportive of his jump to director and the people who have been there longer help him learn to delegate tasks

And so he tries again, and he does better, and he just continues to get better from there

There’s just one hiccup: the scenographer

Basically the scenographer Does Not Like Roman and it creates Conflict

(In my head I sorta imagine the boss character Joan played when they were playing Thomas as Roman as Joan as the boss character in that one part of “Can LYING Be Good?”)

Luckily, Deceit later takes that position, and him and Roman work way better together and pull off some pretty bomb ass productions

Roman has been asked to join other companies before- specifically travelling companies and work on Specific Productions- which is very cool and very exciting but he decides he’d rather do what he’s doing now bc

a) he enjoys the rhythm of his work. b) larger productions are more stress. c) he doesn’t want to be gone from his spouses. And d) he gets a lot of positivity and meaning out of what he does now and doesn’t see a reason to change that

Every summer he also runs the local chapter of Shakespeare in the park.

He does act in these as well bc it’s completely volunteer based. Deceit also acts in these with him and these two theater dorks have way to much fun together

They may or may not of kidnapped Trixie for one of the productions (with Virgil’s consent of course)

Logan

Logan works for a company that considers themselves as a “research and problem-solving team for the improvement of marine environments”

Basically, Logan researches issues that negatively impact marine life and helps come up solutions to improve or solve these issues

Most of what he does is cycle through data that other researchers collect and figure out what that data means and how it connects

He looks at a lot of abstract numbers and pulls them together to state exactly what the numbers are reporting

From there he brings that research to a board that forms a hypothesis and then comes up with potential solutions

These solutions are often considered very progressive and liberal and as such cause a lot of debate

Solutions range from legal changes (laws reducing companies waste, laws to prevent oil spills, protection laws around certain species/habitats, etc) to inventions (boats that clean the ocean, replication of habits to help support species that can’t live outside of a certain ecosystem, etc)

The company Logan works for has had numerous very successful projects and many of these projects were successful bc of Logan’s involvement

Logan’s spouses are very very proud of this fact

Logan is modest af and brushed it off

Logan’s had quite a few articles published in scientific journals and his findings/theories/work have also made it to national news in the past

Logan himself has actually been asked to present some of his stuff on the news multiple times. He refuses each time and someone else goes in his place.

Does this mean that person gets a lot of credit that should be assigned to Logan? Yes. Does that person feel bad? They do and try to give credit to Logan. Does Logan care? No, no he does not.

Logan could care less about credit, he just cares about marine ecosystems and That’s Literally It

Seriously, people ask him things like “does he understand the ‘political implications’ of his job” or “Are you okay with your team constantly stealing your work” and he’s just like “Fish are cool. Leave me the fuck alone.”

Logan has also done more hands-on experience which has included cool adventures that included scuba diving trips to study coral reef damage, spending days in heavy wetlands, and swimming with sharks

His spouses think that this is the coolest thing and Logan agrees a 1000%

He usually works on research because that’s Where He’s Comfortable, but the occasional planned (it has to be planned) research trip is always exciting

Logan also has so much passion for his job. So much passion. It’s sort of an agreed upon deal in the house that when Logan comes home he will generally Need To Infodump because his job is The Coolest

Because of this, a time period between him getting off work and them eating dinner is designated Logan Infodumping Time

Generally this happens while they cook (because as mentioned a few times, Logan is the best cook)

Even if his spouse aren’t helping w/ dinner, they usually try to stick around and listen because a) Logan is Cute when talking about things he enjoys. b) he talks about interesting stuff. c) even if they don’t find it interesting, Logan’s enthusiasm is infectious and they just Have To Listen

Virgil

Virgil is a high school English teacher

He generally teaches sophomore regular English and junior AP English

Classes can shift slightly depending on the year

Virgil was at first a very distant teacher and didn’t connect with his students

Like his students thought he was a fine teacher bc he wasn’t too strict and didn’t assign a bunch of hw, but no one really liked him either

About his fourth year teaching, a kid at Virgil’s school got suicide baited and ended up taking their own life

It was a Big Deal (and is also how Patton found his way to Virgil’s campus)

After the event, there were lots of discussions and groups at the school, and each teacher talked to their classes

Virgil’s discussion was,, impactful to say the least

He talked to the students frankly about the issue and opened discussion to the topic while making sure to keep it respectful and calling students out on shit while at the same time helping support everyone who was struggling

He ended it with a small speech about self-worth, what it meant, and the struggle to achieve it, especially when everyone around you is pulling you down

It spreads like wildfire throughout the school and suddenly Virgil is a very well-liked teacher because He Gets It, y’know

(to clarify- his student’s do not know about his suicide attempts or personally history regarding his PTSD and experiences, that said, they all know there’s something different about this teacher. Something that makes him understand in a way others don’t)

He also has just this snark that students fall in love with

(One of his class’ learning targets for an entire week was just “We’re going to stick it to The Man. How you ask? Well we’ll find out!”

There was also a situation one year when one of Logan’s articles turned up in a multiple choice quiz and No One, including Virgil knew the answers (Virgil did have the answer key but it Did Not Make Sense)

He had to actually call Logan to figure it out

Turns out, most of them was the quiz maker’s mistake because he was asking questions about “author’s tone” and “author’s purpose” and Logan’s just like,, I didn’t meant to have any tone? I don’t understand tone? My purpose was I like fish? Why are they saying it’s to educate the average person??

(pretty much they analyze Logan’s article from a neurotypical standpoint, which Logan Is Not, so it doesn’t work. Virgil scraps the quiz.)

#ts virgil #ts logan #ts roman #ts patton #sanders sides #ts sides #jksf #just keep stumbling forward #colfanficextras #autistic logan #adhd roman #patton has chronic pain #patton is chronically ill #chronic illness #chronic pain #virgil has ptsd #virgil has trauma #service dogs

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fatedtruths · 4 years

Text

☀ FITZ HEADCANON 001 ☀ ▒ AUTISM

fitz was never formally diagnosed as being autistic . unable to wait for the NHS, it was expensive enough for his mother to get his iq tested when he was five and they couldn’t afford to get him evaluated for autism as well –and the NHS was also far too willing to put his behaviour down to his intellect. although his mother was told that he almost certainly was on the spectrum and it was also greatly believed by the psychiatrists he went to see and the people who tested his iq. however this means that it’s not in his shield file but he does fall on the spectrum. although he’s not particularly severe some people who have experience with autistic people have started to suspect most just put his difference down to a symptom of his genius intellect.

love of routine & hatred of change

the world can seem a very unpredictable and confusing place to autistic people, who often prefer to have a daily routine so that they know what is going to happen every day…….it may be difficult for an autistic person to take a different approach to something once they have been taught the ‘right’ way to do it. people on the autism spectrum may not be comfortable with the idea of change. ( autism.org.uk)

the most notable feature of fitz’s autism is his love of routine and his hatred of change. moving years and classes when he was advanced through the education system was stressful enough, although with the change to university first in Glasgow and then down in Imperial Collage and Cambridge was worse. Going to lectures and lessons, however, worked with him well –they were more or less the same every week and he could build a solid annual routine around them. the routine is also a reason why he likes electronics, physics, maths and mechanics so much because the way that things are built or worked out are methodological and in a specific order that doesn’t change. however, the change to the shield academy, sci-ops and then the bus threw him as well, the bus more than the other two because there was no routine on the bus at all. this is also why he refuses to switch from metric to imperial, from Celsius to Fahrenheit or to the Americanized way of spelling.

highly focused interests

many autistic people have intense and highly-focused interests, often from a fairly young age. ( autism.org.uk)

this aspect of his autism almost goes without saying, from the age of two fitz already had a love for taking things apart. when he was three he took apart the toaster and could name every type of car, plane and train. this interest in mechanics and maths never left him and his mother said from young age that he would end up doing something to do with engineering.

over sensitivity to sounds - sensory overload

autistic people may also experience over- (or under-) sensitivity to sounds, touch, tastes, smells, light, colours, temperatures or pain. this can cause anxiety or even physical pain…sensory overload : noise can be magnified and sounds become distorted and muddled. may be able to hear conversations in the distance. inability to cut out sounds – notably background noise, leading to difficulties concentrating. ( autism.org.uk)

when under varying levels of stress fitz often experiences sensory overload. when there are too many people talking, when he’s trying to think or trying to work he gets overloaded with ‘useless’ information and often gets frustrated and shuts down. this is why he’s known throughout shield for suddenly exploding and kicking people out of labs –even when he was in the academy. simmons especially realised very quickly that this happened to him and did her best to make sure that it didn’t happen as often as it could. for leo, being unable to concentrate is more frustrating than anything else and the frustration often leads to anger.

repetitive behaviour

repetitive behaviour may include arm or hand-flapping, finger-flicking, rocking, jumping, spinning or twirling, head-banging and complex body movements. you may also see the repetitive use of an object…or repetitive activities involving the senses. this is known as 'stimming’ or self-stimulating behaviour. although repetitive behaviour varies from person to person, the reasons behind it may be the same: - to gain sensory input: ie. rocking may be a way to stimulate vestibular system - to reduce sensory input: ie focusing on one particular sound may reduce impact of a distressing environment - to deal with stress and anxiety and to block out uncertainty -to pass the time and provide enjoyment. ( autism.org.uk)

leo does actions to either provide a tactile stimulation or an audio one; although it is normally the former. fiddling with clothes that he is wearing ( hence why he would rather wear cardigans or jumpers ), tapping his fingers off of a desk/his thigh or clicking a pen which is a mix of the two stimulants. he does it to calm himself down, to give him something familiar to concentrate on to help him think but also because he enjoys it. he associates the behaviour with being effective in his work. items such as stress balls, fidget cubes or elastic band are often on his person.

issues with communication

many have a very literal understanding of language, and think people always mean exactly what they say. they may find it difficult to use or understand: facial expressions, tone of voice or jokes and sarcasm some … will often understand more of what other people say to them than they are able to express. ( autism.org.uk)

with an iq of 192, his mother was warned that fitz might struggle to communicate with people but she already knew that this was true. he got frustrated with her easily enough when she didn’t understand what he meant when he spoke but as he grew older he got less annoyed with her over it. in truth this is as much a part of his autism as it is his genius iq. when it comes to talking to someone with an iq of under 160 he gets frustrated because he has to dumb himself down and also frustrated because why can’t they see what he sees, it’s EASY. it also took fitz a long time to understand sarcasm. although his humour is often dry and contains sarcasm he does have more issues in recognising it. on top of that he does tend to take people literally. when he says things like i would risk my life for you he is being very serious ie. aos; hunter: everyone drop everything. fitz: im not going to drop this it’s extremely expensive

lack of social interaction

many autistic people experience social isolation. this may be due to a range of reasons. for example……they may prefer to be on their own and enjoy their own company…..a bad experience in a social situation in the past may have been generalised and the person is now trying to avoid a repetition of this negative experience.. ( autism.org.uk)

for fitz socialising was always difficult, until he joined shield no one was as smart as him, and even then his iq was still one of the highest that they had ever seen, higher than simmons’. surrounded by people who could never be in his league before the academy, he often found that they had nothing to talk about and sometimes talking did more damage than good. being bullied to the point that he hated going to school was more than enough to make him not want to try to socialise anymore. he does like company but is also more than content by himself. simmoms was the first person that he didn’t mind spending all of his time with; the first person that he could spend all of his time with without getting frustrated and she convinced him to be more social and outgoing.

touching & personal space

fitz doesn’t like people touching him normally and only a select few are the exceptions to this; his mother, simmons, ward, mack, hunter, bobbi and skye/daisy. however it is unknown if this is because he was bullied physically when he was younger and he now fears touch ( repetition of negative experiences ) or if it’s because he has a mild over-sensitivity to physical touch. sometimes he can’t stand being touched by anyone but other times he is incredibly tactile, just like sometimes he suffers from sensory overload and other times he’s fine. since having a genius iq does effect his level of eq ( emotional quota ) there is no way to find out if it is because of his autism or because of his iq.

#[ FITZ — headcanons ]

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clintashaotp · 5 years

Text

Damaged, Chapter Nine

Chapter note: School is still hell, so this is still in the rough stages. Sorry guys :/ On the plus side here’s a little ThorBruce, and introducing Tony :)

1,232 Words

Tony Stark's house looks almost exactly the same as it did the night before. Not that Natasha can remember much of it, as she was more than a little drunk, but the front porch looks familiar. And unfortunately, so does the brunette standing awkwardly next to the door.

Natasha forces down her embarrassment and climbs out of her car, trying not to think too hard about the situation.

“Hey,” She smiles, and Tony smiles back, though the tension is still pretty high. “Listen, I’m really sorry about last night, I wasn’t really thinking very clearly…”

“Hey, it happens,” Tony shrugs. “I’ve been wasted at enough parties to know. Listen...I’d happy to ease up your tab, if you want.”

“Seriously?” Natasha raises an eyebrow at him, but he smirks back.

“If you help with the cleanup?” Tony offers, and Natasha sighs. While cleaning up after a bunch of sloppy drunk teenagers doesn’t sound appealing, it sounds a lot better than spending the money she had been saving for her date on a booze charge from the night before.

“Deal,” she sighs, and he grins, patting her on the shoulder.

“Come on in...what’s your name?”

“Natasha. Romanoff,” She says quickly, and he nods.

“Well, Romanoff, ad you’ll hear from everyone around here, I’m the king of nicknames...so im just going to call you Red, okay?”

Natasha’s a little too tired to care, so she just follows him through the doorway and into the wrecked living room.

The night before, the room had been full of twerking teenagers and a gigantic stereo, but this morning it is littered with red solo cups and stray jackets.

“A few people stayed over. I’m going to start kicking them out, if you could start picking up the trash?” Tony asks, and Natasha just nods tiredly.

“Got it.” She grabs the black trash bag that Tony offers and bends down to start collecting the cups off the ground. That’s when she hears the wet, messy smacking coming from the corner of the room, and jumps in surprise when she sees a couple straddling each other on a chair in the corner, completely oblivious to her presence.

“Jesus, sorry,” she blushes, scrambling to back out of the room as the boys turn around. “Um...sorry, I thought I was alone...I didn’t mean to interrupt…”

“Hey, it’s fine,” the guys shrug. The brunette with curly hair crawls off of the blonde and the two stand as if her catching them making out was a normal occurrence. “I’m Bruce, by the way.”

Natasha just blinks for a moment. Tony Stark has some confusing friends, and Bruce and his blonde friend are far from the strangest.

“I’m Thor,” the blonde one smiles at her, and Natasha just smiles at them as politely as she can.

“Um, nice to meet you,” She says carefully, still a little confused. “I’m Natasha.”

“Red! Her name’s Red!” Tony calls from the back of the house, and a sleepy group of teenagers wanders out of the house towards the front door, Tony at the back like a hyperactive sheepdog. “Everyone out, come on, the doors that way. Thor, Bruce, you guys can hang out.”

“Wow, you got a nickname already?” Bruce smiles, seemingly impressed, and Natasha shrugs, a little overwhelmed. “Good for you.”

“Uh, thanks. I’m just here to help clean up,” she says quickly, and goes back to collecting the solo cups as Tony bustles into the main room with the smugness Natasha is beginning to associate with him.

“They call me rage monster,” Bruce chuckles, and Natasha raises an eyebrow at him. Bruce grabs a trash bag from the counter and kneels to help her. “Yeah, it’s kind of ironic, actually.”

“You should see him when he gets mad, though,” Tony laughs, hopping up on the counter and grabbing one of the remaining bottles of beer, popping the lid off with a bottle opener and taking a long drink. “Don’t get on his bad side.”

“Noted,” Natasha laughs, and even though the situation is completely awkward, she feels much more comfortable with this group of boys than she has with a lot of the kids in her classes.

“Thor over there? He’s Point Break. Big weight lifter, used to be a wrestler in high school,” Tony motions to Thor, who smiles sweetly at Natasha. He reminds her strongly of a puppy. A combination of sweet, caring, energetic, but can sometimes be aggressive.

“Nice,” Natasha grins, and Thor shrugs modestly.

“Everyone did high school sports.” He says, grabbing the remaining trash bag and sweeping the glass shards off the counter into it. “How about you, did you do any sports?”

“I was a gymnast,” Natasha smiles at the memories. Almost seven years she spent in various gyms with various coaches, but there was something comforting about the consistency of the sport. Everywhere she went, no matter what country or state, gymnastics was always the same.

“Were you any good?” Tony raises an eyebrow, taking another drink from his beer.

“I was alright,” Natasha grins. Truth be told, every gym she went to she was easily one of the best there. Maybe it was because of the dedication she had to the sport, or the hours of strength training she put in every weekend, or simply her natural flexibility, but she always seemed to be at a higher level than most of her teammates. “I also did a bit of self defense for a while.”

“Boxing?” Thor asks curiously, and Natasha laughs.

“A little,” she shrugs.

The conversation takes off, and Natasha listens avidly as Bruce tells her about his scientific social experiments, and Tony rants about his professor, and Thor tells her stories about his brother, Loki. The hours pass quickly, and they clean up the main room, back porch, bushes and kitchen without complaint. When they finish, Tony glances at the clock, and puts his hands in his pockets, looking at Natasha with a sideways grin. Thor and Bruce have already returned to their spot on the couch, and even though they’re refraining from kissing in front of her, she can tell the second she closes the door the make out session will resume.

“Look, Red, the place looks pretty clean, you’ve done your part. I’ll handle washing the sheets, if you know what I mean,” he winks, and Natasha rolls her eyes. “But hey, you seem pretty cool, so maybe we should hang out sometime?”

“Uh, I have…” Natasha stops herself from saying the word boyfriend. She and Clint are going on one date, and he seems a little shy of labels, so she bits her tongue. Tony picks up on it, however and smirks at her.

“Relax, I meant as a group. Bring your….boyfriend? Girlfriend? Friend with benefits? Complicated relationship buddy? Whoever they are, bring them with you,” Tony laughs, and Natasha sighs, her cheeks heating up in a blush.

“Sounds good,” she smiles at him, and he waves to her with his free hand.

“So long, Red. Hopefully I’ll hear from you soon,” Tony nods, and Natasha closes the door behind her.

Once she gets back in her car, she rests her forehead on the steering wheel, trying to push the headache away. She glances at the clock, and groans into the silence. Too much to do. It’s only two o’clock, but she completely spaced lunch. Plus, she had a date in four hours.

Tag list:

@written-writer r @natasha-barton @baker151910 @crafting-alchemist @spacenerd-universe @kyrri0 @imcaptainobviousmate @evilispretty-dead @peterparker-noir

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mbti-notes · 5 years

Note

1/4 / INTP, having trouble communicating with IxFJ boyfriend because we respond differently when stressed. He likes to talk through his problems with me right after they happen as it helps him destress. Im happy to listen but personally like to distract myself from a problem first, solve it when I have a detached view, then talk about it later. This created a rift between us. He has a habit of venting in the car after work, then asking me about my problems.

[con’t: But rehashing difficulties when I haven’t resolved them stresses me worse so I don’t go into detail. Even though I have explained to him that venting does not help me like it helps him, he interprets this as me being secretive, not trusting him with my problems and thinking of him as weak for talking about problems out loud (his words). I have never said or implied this. But though he complains about this, he also doesn’t take me seriously when I ask for help. He said its because “he didn’t think it was urgent because I didn’t look stressed”. It’s true, I am not very expressive, but I know this, so I try to make my requests very clear. Ex: “please help me with these forms due tomorrow, I am under pressure”, but he takes it lightly until I’m stressed to tears, only then does he realize the problem is serious. This also happens when we argue. He says if I look and talk so calm, I must not care, even if I say I’m upset. or when I’m under pressure and trying to distract myself with my hobbies, he assumes I’m wasting time. Am I misinterpreting him or doing something wrong? He only seems to take me seriously after I’m past my breaking point, but I don’t want to be pushed there every time I need to make my needs clear. Do you have advice for communicating with him? Thanks.]

It seems you are trying your best but the message isn’t getting through because he’s prone to making assumptions about you due to projecting his own worldview (i.e. expecting you to be the same as him). Additionally, if auxiliary Fe isn’t well-developed, a person is more likely to misread emotional cues. It is difficult to communicate with someone when you always have to break through the wall of their faulty assumptions. Unless he’s willing to acknowledge this problem and work on it directly, I doubt it will improve on its own. However, there are still aspects of the problem that are well within your power to address.

I was once told about an intp who suffered a devastating loss of a loved one. As you said, intps like to process and solve problems on their own, so everyone around him left him to grieve and process on his own. After some time had passed and he was back on his feet, he complained about how no one stepped up to help him and he felt like he didn’t have any real friends or support. Of course, this was kind of insulting to his friends because they made great efforts to set aside their natural inclination to get involved in order to allow him to do things at his own pace on his own terms. In other words, they were trying to show him that they understood him and respected his natural self-sufficiency, but he perceived it as quite the opposite. He wasn’t able to communicate to them what was really happening and what he really needed from them, so they could only guess at what to do. Hopefully, this simple but very common example illuminates how intps contribute to the problem of being misunderstood. Individuals of every type encounter communication problems that manifest from their own development issues. There are two major stumbling blocks in communication that intps tend to be unaware of due to their development issues:

1) Poor attentiveness to detail (from lack of Si development). Ns don’t like details because oftentimes they don’t have a good grasp of them; they have messy minds in that respect. Therefore, when they communicate, they don’t get detailed enough and they don’t explain well enough. This easily creates an unconscious expectation that other people should be mindreaders who are able to “connect the dots” and fill in everything you haven’t said out loud - this is an unreasonable expectation. You have to accept the fact that different people think differently, otherwise, you’ll always have trouble communicating. You can always work on being more detailed and try to provide fuller explanations. For example, when you say, “I am under pressure”, try to give a FULL STORY, in an ORDERLY fashion from beginning to end, that details exactly why you are under pressure AND what the consequences will be should you fail to meet your goal or remain under too much pressure. Now, if after reading that sentence, your kneejerk reaction is that people are stupid if they can’t understand what being under pressure means, then you are falling into the trap of expecting people to magically know everything that you know about your situation. When you are detailed and give full explanations, people take you more seriously because they have a fuller and deeper understanding of where you’re coming from. In other words, people understand you better when you help them understand. This is especially important when the other person is your functional opposite (i.e. your higher functions are their lower functions). The two of you are speaking different languages, therefore, translation is often necessary.

2) Expressing facts or thoughts rather than feelings (due to lack of Fe development). Ts often don’t understand what it means to express feelings explicitly. Let me play devil’s advocate and interpret your words through an FJs ears: “I am under pressure” is not an expression of feeling but rather a statement of fact. The problem with this statement is that it’s quite common to be under pressure, especially in work-related contexts, and it’s normal to feel under pressure when you have deadlines or a lot on your plate. Furthermore, if I’ve observed you to consistently handle pressure very well most of the time, then “I am under pressure” is no big deal, right? There is nothing in this statement that really conveys abnormal levels of urgency, so the statement doesn’t do enough to make clear your exact emotional state.

It’s always better to use the word “feel” in your sentence when you want to convey your emotional state, e.g., “I am feeling very stressed right now and I need help” is much more to the point. If you want people to take your emotions seriously, you have to take them seriously enough to convey them effectively via explicit feeling statements. Feeling statements express your urgency but also, more importantly, your vulnerability to pain, and that is what makes it easier for FJs to move quickly from passive sympathizing into active helping. When FJs feel that you are in pain or soon to be in pain, they’ll jump to help you, but they can’t feel it when you don’t express it such that they can feel it. Ts often trip up when talking about feelings because, unconsciously, they don’t want to confront or expose their emotional vulnerability. In masking your feelings behind factual statements, you do your emotional life a disservice and you make it harder for people to know what’s really going on with you. The fact that you are so afraid of “feeling worse” implies an avoidance of that aspect of yourself. If you can’t fully face up to your feelings, how can you express them fully?

FJs, due to higher Fe, predominantly speak through the language of feelings, which means that they understand feelings in terms of how they manifest via face, body, and words, though a mature FJ should be aware that not everyone speaks this language fluently and make adjustments. Remember that FJs won’t be able to gauge your emotional state very well without those cues, and you shouldn’t expect them to, because then you’d be forcing them to speculate and make assumptions, which exacerbates the original problem you’ve described of jumping to conclusions. A blank face and matter-of-fact tone can have multiple possible interpretations, and if that’s what you present to them, it’s not really fair to blame them for guessing it wrong. How can someone know how you feel when there is no agreement or common language to communicate that information? You can’t have it both ways: You can’t say that people should accept your emotional inexpressiveness (and any unwillingness to change it) and then also expect that they should still magically know exactly how you feel. The breakdown of communication is caused by you if that’s the case.

Communication is a two-way street. Ideally, when opposites communicate, both sides should make an effort to translate themselves well to the other person, and it sounds like many more couple discussions are needed about how to bridge your Ti vs Fe cognitive differences. When the other side isn’t capable of meeting you halfway, then you sometimes have to work twice as hard to make yourself heard. It’s not an insurmountable problem, but it’s hard work to develop the right strategies and put them into practice. It’s worth it, though, because it also helps you with your function growth and development.

#intp #intp relationships #tertiary si #inferior fe #communication #relationships #ask

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