#and i just hate feeling so useless and like my body is rejecting me

[khami-the-raccoon]

Good Morning/Evening!

I was wondering if you could do Will Graham x Android!Reader.

Reader is an android built by the FBI to provide protection or get information. But instead, Reader ends up getting in Will’s way.

I don’t know how to explain it 😭

(Reader can be male or gn)

Hey! Thank you so much for your request! I absolutely loved the idea <3 I hope what I wrote it’s okay and I hope you like it :) Have a great Valentine’s Day!

Will Graham x Android! Male! Reader

Summary: Will Graham x Android! Male reader, where Will finds himself reluctantly partnered with Y/N, an android assigned to protect him. After their rough start, they slowly start falling in love.

Word count: 1727

Will Graham Masterlist

General Masterlist

In the dimly lit FBI headquarters, Will Graham sat at his desk, his eyes fixed on the crime scene photos spread out before him. He was deep in thought, analyzing the gruesome details of the latest murder case that had landed on his desk. He was trying to imagine all the scenes in his head, he was very concentrated, well, until the door suddenly creaked open, ripping him away from his thoughts. He sighed, annoyed, and turned around to see Jack, but he wasn’t alone. Next to him was one of the latest FBI creations: protection androids.

“Will, I’d like you to meet Y/N,” Jack Crawford, Will’s boss and mentor, announced as he entered the room.

Will looked up, his brow furrowing in confusion as he took in the sight of the humanoid android standing beside Crawford. “What’s this?” he asked, a hint of skepticism and rejection in his voice.

Crawford approached Will’s desk, a serious expression on his face. “Given the nature of your work and the dangerous cases you’re involved in, we’ve decided to assign you an android protector,” he explained. “Y/N is programmed to ensure your safety at all times and help you with whatever you may need.”

Will’s eyes narrowed as he studied Y/N, feeling a mixture of apprehension and annoyance at the idea of being babysat by a machine. “I don’t need a babysitter, Jack,” he muttered, his tone defiant.

Crawford placed a hand on Will’s shoulder, his gaze unwavering. “Will, this isn’t up for debate. Your safety is our top priority, and Y/N is here to make sure nothing happens to you.”

Reluctantly, Will nodded, knowing that arguing with Crawford would be useless. “Fine, but don’t expect me to like it,” he grumbled, shooting a distrustful glance in Y/N’s direction.

Jack started to leave. He knew Will wouldn’t be happy about having an android given his lonely nature. But he couldn’t risk having Will killed by the Chesapeake Ripper.

"Agent Graham, I am Y/N, your assigned android protector," the metallic voice announced.

Will looked at him, raising an eyebrow at the android standing before him. Y/N had a very humanoid design, it could have been easy to mistake him for a human, but his robotic voice was enough to know he was far from being a human.

"Great, just what I need," Will muttered under his breath, sarcastically of course. But even though he hated the idea of having an android, he couldn't help but feel a twinge of curiosity about this new addition to his team.

Y/N approached Will's desk, his movements precise yet awkward, as if he were still learning how to navigate his own body. "I am programmed to ensure your safety at all times, Agent Graham. I will do my best to assist you in solving this case."

Will sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Alright, Y/N. Just try not to get in the way."

As they delved deeper into the investigation, Y/N proved to be both a help and a hindrance to Will. His logical reasoning and analytical skills were unmatched, but his lack of understanding of human emotions often led to clumsy interactions and misunderstandings. And not only that but also the fact that he was still learning how to move his body and how to use colloquial words properly.

One evening, Will was sitting on his desk, thinking of the case. He couldn’t shake that feeling off that something was missing in the evidence, something important. Also, he had been having nightmares and hallucinations, he saw stags everywhere, and sometimes lost track of the time, he was very stressed.

He was so focused on his thoughts he didn’t even realize the door was being opened, he turned to look at the person who had entered his office, only to find Y/N there, awkwardly standing in the doorway, holding a stack of files in his metallic hands.

"Will, I have the latest forensic reports for you," Y/N’s familiar voice said, completely breaking Will's concentration.

He let out an exasperated sigh, feeling his patience wearing thin.

"Y/N, I told you I don't need your help with paperwork," Will said curtly, his annoyance evident in his voice. "I have more important things to focus on right now."

Y/N's glowing eyes dimmed slightly, a gesture that Will had come to recognize as the android's equivalent of sadness. "I apologize, Agent Graham. I only wanted to assist you in any way I could."

Will shook his head, his frustration mounting. "Just... just leave them on the desk," he muttered, turning his attention back to the case files spread out before him.

As Y/N deposited the files on Will's desk and turned to leave, his foot caught on a stray cable, sending him stumbling forward. With a loud crash, Y/N collided with the desk, sending papers flying everywhere.

"Y/N!" Will exclaimed, jumping to his feet in frustration. He didn’t say anything else, but the way he pronounced Y/N’s name hit the android hard.

Y/N’s eyes were glowing wide with hurt. "I-I'm sorry, Agent Graham. I didn't mean to..."

But before Y/N could finish his apology, Will stormed out of the room, his anger still simmering beneath the surface. He didn’t even know why he was being so hard with Y/N. It was an accident, Y/N was still learning how to move himself and tried to help however he could. And while Will couldn’t afford to let Y/N’s mistakes jeopardize their investigation, he couldn’t shake the feeling that perhaps he had been too harsh with him, not only this time but the whole time they were working together.

Alone in Will’s office, Y/N couldn't help but feel a pang of sadness at the realization that he had once again failed to meet Will's expectations. Despite his best efforts to be a capable protector, it seemed that he was only ever destined to disappoint the one person he had been programmed to keep safe.

After that incident, Will couldn't shake the feeling of guilt that weighed heavily on his conscience. As he returned to his office, he noticed Y/N carefully picking up the papers that he accidentally dropped to the ground and putting them in order. Will could see he was sad, or at least he thought he was, being the android he was, Y/N didn’t exactly express emotions like humans, but the way he moved was enough to show Will how bad he felt about what happened.

Approaching the android, Will hesitated for a moment before speaking. "Y/N, can we talk?"

Y/N looked up, his glowing eyes betraying a mixture of sadness and apprehension. "Of course, Agent Graham." He said. Still talking calmly and as if he didn’t feel a knot in his throat.

Taking a seat beside Y/N, Will sighed, his expression softened with remorse. "I want to apologize for earlier. I know what happened was an accident, I’m stressed and I shouldn't have let my frustration get the best of me."

Y/N remained silent for a moment, processing Will's words. "You were right to be upset, Agent Graham. I failed in my duty to assist you properly."

Will shook his head, reaching out to place a comforting hand on Y/N's shoulder. "No, Y/N. It's not entirely your fault. I should have appreciated the paperwork you did for me and not yelled when you fell, it was an accident Y/N.”

Y/N looked up, meeting Will's gaze with a mixture of gratitude and relief. "Thank you, Agent Graham. Your forgiveness means a lot to me."

In that moment, the tension between them melted away, replaced by a newfound understanding and acceptance. And as they sat together in the quiet of the room, Will knew that despite their differences, they were in this together. As partners, as allies, and perhaps, as something more.

As the days turned into weeks, Will and Y/N's relationship continued to evolve, blossoming into something deeper and more meaningful than either of them had anticipated. Despite their rocky start, they found themselves growing closer with each passing day, their friendship getting better.

In the quiet moments between solving cases and analyzing evidence, Will and Y/N began to open up to each other, sharing their hopes, fears, and dreams. They discovered a shared love of literature, often spending hours discussing their favorite books and authors late into the night.

Slowly but surely, Y/N's presence became a constant in Will's life, a reassuring presence that he found himself relying on more and more with each passing day. And as their partnership got better, so too did their friendship, deepening into something that went beyond mere professional obligation.

One evening, after a particularly grueling day at the office, Will found himself inviting Y/N back to his house for dinner. It was a spontaneous gesture, one that caught even him by surprise, but as he watched the android's eyes light up with excitement, he knew it was the right decision.

As they sat together in Will's cozy kitchen, the scent of homemade lasagna filling the air, they laughed and talked as if they had known each other for years. As the evening wore on, Will found himself feeling more relaxed and at ease than he had in a long time, the weight of the day's worries melting away in Y/N's presence.

And so, as the night drew to a close and the stars twinkled overhead, Will made a decision that would change the course of their relationship forever. "Y/N," he began, his voice soft but determined, "would you like to spend the night here? I mean, if you want to. You don't have to, of course."

To Will's surprise, Y/N's response was immediate and unwavering. "I would like that very much, Will," he replied, his glowing eyes shimmering with anticipation.

And so, as they settled in for the night, side by side in Will's cozy living room, they both knew that this was just the beginning of a new chapter in their relationship. And as they drifted off to sleep, wrapped in each other's arms, they couldn't help but feel a sense of hope and excitement for the future that lay ahead.

#hannibal nbc #willgrahamxgnreader #male reader #fanfic #x male reader #writing #trans male reader #gn reader #hannibal lecter #will graham x male reader #hannibal x male reader

[mishapocalyse]

Please please PLEASE give us more soldier boy! I have barrelled through all the soldier boy content on this hell site and I am jonesing for another fix! Also yours is so poignant and darkly beautiful so just anything. I wouldn’t say no to a little smut tho if you’re good with that but if not just keep up the good work <3

Complex

Description: Soldier Boy wastes no time entering your life. Knocking down the very pieces of you that you thought you had built up over the years. However, just as quickly as he came--was equally the same when he decided he was finished. No matter if it hurt you or not.

Pairings: Soldier Boy x Reader

Warnings: Soldier Boy is his own warning, language, light implications of smut, and loneliness.

Note: Lemme’ feed you darlin’

———

I’m 21 the edge is razor thin

Between being numb—and feeling everything

Good days only serve as relief again

Soldier Boy didn’t deserve you. The young and innocent girl you were, he did not deserve you.

Now I watch as I waste away my days and nights

It’s a cross dissolve of a scene I’ve play before

And the leading role that I thought I’d hold

Doesn’t listen to me anymore.

He left you alone in that bed after he was finished with you. Every time the two of you intertwined as one. The way he found himself deeper inside of you feeling the inner workings of your hot and desperate soul.

The way your body pleaded to be touched; to be loved. Your hands trying to slip into his-only to be rejected and held against your will over top of you. Soldier Boy, Ben. He would never give you what you wanted.

You gave him your very innocence, in return he gave you nothing but regret for your own willingness to throw yourself at him.

You felt stupid; you felt useless.

But I’m wearing his boxers

I’m being a good wife

“I gotta’ head out, Princess. Keep the bed warm. I’m not done with that pretty little ass of yours.” He said, the butt of the joint in his mouth bobbing as he spoke.

You didn’t answer him. Only nodding as you turned over.

You knew he wouldn’t be back for awhile.

Normally you would have crawled, naked from the bed to press a sloppy kiss to his lips, your scent mixed with his wafting the room.

You didn’t bother this time. He didn’t care. You should have listened to your friends.

Soldier Boy didn’t care about you, no matter how hard he tried to make you believe. You knew you weren’t the only girl he was sleeping with, you’d seen how he was with women.

It made you sick.

It made you hate him.

The feelings never lasted long before you were back in his arms as if he were yours forever.

We won’t be together

But maybe the next life

I need him like water

He lives in a landslide

You were a fucking mess. Why did you do this to yourself? Getting with the man you knew right off the bat was bad news. Yet, you kept the left side of your bed warm every night like the two of you were an actual item.

Yes, you wanted that ideation to be true —but it was all mindless daydreams that would never come true.

Before you knew it, there he was again. Slipping inside of you, tearing at your skin, like a rabid dog. Hungry for more than idle flesh. Heat rising from your flushed skin, nails digging their graves into his back .

“Beautiful.” He would murmur in between grunts and moans.

“Absolutely stunning, Princess.”

After your routine of self loathing was over, he would watch you walk to the bathroom, head propped up on an arm. As if he were infatuated by merely your presence.

That was a lie too.

Everything he did or said was a lie. And you found that hating yourself was easier than telling him that what you both had was over.

I cry in his bathroom

He turns off the big light

When he asked you to go with him to the bar-it took you so far aback. You had thought you had shifted to a different dimension. There the two of you sat, drinking from the whole bottle he bought for you two to share. You were not a drinker. Yes, maybe one drink was all you had, and you knew that this wasn’t a date. Made it very clear he wasn’t dating you in the beginning.

He just didn’t want to be alone.

None of the other women wanted to go out like you did. You cancelled plans just to share the time with him-and for the simple fact is that without you he’d fall apart and you would find him on your doorstep, out of his mind and drunk.

You were keeping together just fine.

I’m being a cool girl

I’m keeping it so tight

I carry him home while

My friends have a good night

I need him like water

He thinks that I’m alright

I’m not feeling human

I think he’s a good guy

After everything he had put you through, you thought you could handle anything he threw at you.

“I think we should see other people.”

You told yourself that he would be back. But after last night, he never showed back up at your door.

You told yourself you wouldn’t do a lot of things after Soldier Boy.

You were a liar too.

Triangular, I can see them now

Three points at which I let myself down

I was just a girl, what's the excuse now?

You found yourself where you and him first met. It was the roof of an old warehouse that had been abandoned. It overlooked a large portion of the city and was high enough to have you getting ideas with your unstable mind.

Too regular, this pattern

I've been taking shelter in reaching new highs

When I was nineteen I wanted to die

You took another heavy drink of the bottle in your hands, as you emptied it. With enough force, you reeled back to chuck the bottle, hearing it break on the ground below.

You laughed; your phone buzzed.

From: SB☺️💕

What’re you up to? I stopped by your place but you weren’t home.

Your phone buzzed again.

From: SB☺️💕

I miss you.

You typed out a message the best you could.

To: SB☺️💕

Playing Life where we first met, seeing how much it takes before I go overboard.

It wasn’t the healthiest thing to send him. But you shut off your phone and stood. Tip-toeing along the edge of the roof while you swayed left and right, horribly keeping your balance. Thoughts of staying safe was shoved out the window. There was no going back now.

Now I just want to kill you

But I don't want to paint you the victim

“What the fuck are you doing?” You felt Soldier Boy tug you back from the ledge, your back hitting his chest.

You blatantly started swatting at him, trying to get out of his grip. He firmly planted you in front of him. A look of worry was across his face. Something you have never seen from him before.

“Calm down-“ you slapped him, which loosened the hold he had on you. You immediately made a beeline towards the door.

“Wait. Please. I-I’m sorry.” He said which made your hand freeze on the doorknob to the stairway.

“For what?” You replied.

“I hurt you. You gave me everything and I fucked you over.” He stared directly at you, you raised your head to meet his gaze.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I need to get home.” You answered, but he was much quicker, his hand slammed the door shut-holding it.

“Let me walk you home, at least. We can talk about this.” He gestured.

You sighed.

And I talk a good game

I'd die for just the promise you'd listen

Soldier Boy had lost just about everything. Sure, you forgave him. But it didn’t mean things were just okay with the two of you. He had been pulled into more and more hero work, while you waited on him to come home. Just like old times. The routine cycling back to normal.

I’m wearing his boxers

I’m being a good wife

We won’t be together

But maybe the next life

The next life could wait, you were sure that things were going to get better.

I need him like water

He lives on a landslide

I cry in his bathroom

He turns off the big light

“Come to bed, Princess would ya’?” He smiles at you, motioning you to let him hold you against him.

You had been reading in the window seat, placing the bookmark to save your spot for the next time you opened it.

I’m being a cool girl

I’m keeping it so tight

I carry him home while

My friends have a good night

The drinking subsides and the two of you found other possibilities to keep the both if you engaged and entertained. Like your reading and him whittling small trinkets he would make for you to put on the hanging shelves of collectables you had in your place.

I need him like water

He thinks that I’m alright

I’m not even human

I think he’s a good guy

Soldier Boy smirks as he pulled you down by the neckline of your shirt. Your lips connected with his in a slow paced embrace.

But it’s a complex

It’s a complex

It’s a complex

I’m a complex.

Soldier Boy and your relationship with him was far from easy. It was harsh, frustrating and complicated.

It was strange.

But loving, as the two sides of the coin became one.

It was a complex that you would never let slip through your fingers again.

#jensen ackles #jensen ackled #askmishapoc #soldierboyedit #soldier boy🍦🪖🎯 #soldier boy the boys #the boys soldier boy #soldier boy is his own warning #soldier boy x reader #soldier boy #the boys

[thecw-unicorn]

*SPOILERS FOR ACOTAR SERIES*

This is a bit of a rant post because I see WAY too much Elain hate in the fandom. I understand that some feel we don’t know Elain enough to form an opinion—and that’s totally reasonable. But many times I see people who swear their hate up and down for her and I can help but feel a good portion of it is internalized misogyny, especially with how she’s treated in comparison to other characters, specifically male characters. I’m going to do my best to break down many of the anti arguments that are used for Elain and why they simply don’t make sense.

“Elain is useless”

This is quite simply straight up not true. Sure, she wasn’t helpful in the first book, but she’s changed so much. She convinced Nesta to help Feyre and the IC in Mist & Fury, and welcomed Rhysand, Cassian, and Azriel in, despite her obvious fear towards them. And let’s not forget in Wings & Ruin. She told the IC about the betrayal of the queens to Vassa, Koschei and his lake (and his mysterious box?), warned about the ravens, and most of all, she killed Hybern. Elain killed him. Not Nesta.

“Elain abandoned Nesta”

This is also obviously not true. Nesta was lashing out and acting toxic towards her, so in my eyes, Elain had every right to take a step back and focus on herself. It’s also mentioned in Frost and Starlight that Elain had attempted to visit Nesta in her new apartment, but was rebuffed, and also in Silver Flames Nesta had seen Elain walking about in Velaris and ignored it. It’s also important to note that we haven’t gotten Elain’s POV so we don’t know what other visions she may have gotten, and with that assessment it’s possible she knew it was the best decision for the time to take a step back from Nesta’s toxic behavior.

“Elain should’ve planted vegetables instead of flowers”

It’s first important to acknowledge that the flower seeds were gifted to her by Feyre. Feyre, who had gotten them for Elain because she knew growing things and the act of gardening brought her job so she gifted her the seeds. She didn’t have to do that. And Elain certainly didn’t have to gift Feyre the paints either, but they were in poverty and doing whatever they could to find some form of joy. Speaking of, it wasn’t just the Archerons who were poor, just about their whole village was impoverished and starving. Nobody would be casually selling vegetable seeds in that condition, and certainly not at a price that Feyre could’ve afforded. Growing flowers is NOT the same as growing vegetables as well, and later on when Feyre was visiting her sisters, Elain mentioned wanting to start a vegetable garden once she learned more.

“Elain doesn’t belong in the Night Court”

This argument has never made sense to me, mostly due to the fact that it stemmed from a dress that didn’t look good to her. By the point of Silver Flames, Elain has established herself filming in Velaris. She has a job, tending to and helping others around the city with their gardens, and has made friends with Nuala and Cerridwen. She isn’t going to just up and leave the Night Court simply because she doesn’t look good in a dress. Also worth mentioning that scene happened at the Court of Nightmares, a place NONE of the IC like, so I don’t understand why Elain’s discomfort is singled out here. Even before, she said herself that her home was at the Night Court and she would do whatever was within her power to protect it.

“Elain treats Lucien terribly. She needs to reject the bond already”

I feel like people need to understand Elain’s POV in this situation. She was to be married to a guy she genuinely seemed to love, only to have it ripped away from her in an instant, have her body drastically altered without her consent, and to have a male she’s never seen or met before tell her that she is his mate. Of course she isn’t going to want to be with him right away. Once again, we don’t have Elain’s POV so we can’t know her complete thoughts, but it’s not impossible or crazy to think that Lucien most likely reminds her of the worst trauma and experience of her life. Regarding the bond, the talk of rejecting one was only ever discussed between Feyre and Rhysand. It’s not a stretch to think that Elain most likely isn’t even aware of the act of rejecting a mating bond, much less how to go about (this is really the only time it’s mentioned so it’s not like WE the readers are aware of how it happens). It’s important I feel, that we remember what Elain said—and that Lucien is not entitled to her time or her happiness simply because of a bond.

This was a bit longer than I had intended, but I hope it gets the point across. Elain has so much potential for her story arc, and I honestly can’t wait for her book to come out!!

#acotar #elain archeron #elain #acotar series #acotar elain #pro archeron sisters #pro elain #pro elain archeron #acotar fandom

[grandgrief]

RP SENTENCE STARTERS INSPIRED BY "PEACEMAKER TRIES HARD!" (2023) MEGAPOST

Edit pronouns/names/locations/etc. as needed when sending.

GENERAL WARNING FOR NSFW/UNSANITARY/VIOLENCE/ETC.

____

"Why would you even want to diverge from the preexisting beloved lore?"

"They probably have to change it a little for like, legal reasons or something, right?"

"I haven't heard a ton of jazz musicians but that doesn't mean they don't exist and aren't good at their jobs."

"The protein powder is for maintaining my ripped and sensual physique, and the instant cake mix is for a very special event this weekend."

"What's your deal, anyway? You shoot laser beams or turn into a fishman or something?"

"Shoot. With this poop-eating motherfucker on the case, we should have peace any day now."

"Did you say 'muscle cake?' is that a euphemism? Because we've talked about this."

"The lady at the store said something about it. You know what, I'll just look it up when I get home."

"Last time we were at one of his get-togethers, it was just him showing off his collection of VHS porn. He said he found it in the woods."

"It was disgusting. Even for me."

"Oh shit! I don't envy them. I hate fighting that guy."

"Do these guys have some meta-human in there? Some guy named Koncrete with a K or a cyborg called Lasernuts?"

"There's a whole GROUP of us! We're likeminded and happy to be in each other's company!"

"What a fancy little man. He looks like he has a tuxedo on."

"It's a stray. Strays don't have names."

"--Anyway so you should come check it out, there's going to be beer, cake, hot music, so many bangable chicks. Or dudes. Or whatever you're into--"

"I'm not coming to your party. None of us are. We don't know you, dude."

"Maybe those guys are right and no one does like me. I'm not going to lie, it feels like that."

"You can't trust nothing that forms loyalty without an ideology."

"But maybe a dog's super power is seeing something worth loving in anyone?"

"Now hit all the targets or I'm putting you in the moron box for 48 hours."

"Cardio is for pussies, but it's important for heart health."

"Damn [NAME]-- you can't just barge in here, I could've been jerking off."

"If you violate your parole enough you know, I'll have to take you down. And I always get my man."

"You know you need eggs for this, right? I've seen your fridge, and all you have is a half-empty jar of pickles and a bottle of mustard."

"It's instant cake mix. You just add water."

"Bro, I'm a city employee. I just work here."

"I wish to make love again! To PRANCE through fields! To EMOTE with facial expressions and dramatic arm movements once again!"

"I'm afraid I need a body that has no risk of rejecting an intelligent brain.

"I'm way better than Batman. That dude's been fighting the same clown for twenty years."

"You know how many clowns I could beat up in twenty years?... Probably like EIGHT BILLION!"

"The TV said the Penguin robbed a bank, so this dumbass went to the zoo and started causing a ruckus in the Antarctica exhibit."

"HA HA! Because joke's on you, because my mom's dead. Unless you're saying your parents fuck dead moms?"

"I'm not crying, by the way. I got a scratched cornea from tearing some terrorists new buttholes yesterday and my eye's just leaking."

"WHAT are you doing? Everyone knows the driver controls the music."

"You know, I thought I was getting saddled with some stupid, villainous henchman sent to babysit me. But you're cool as shit."

"I hope this is the place, because we're in the middle of bumfuck nowhere."

"We aren't approved for overtime and we're an ass hair away from deadline."

"You knocked over my bowl of hard candies. There are going to be little carpet hairs mixed in there now. It's utterly ruined."

"This has gone on long enough! I'm getting one of my delightful death machines."

"Now where did I put my glasses? I need my glasses for death dealing."

"You know who wants to help a turd? Fucking no one. Because no one cares about a useless little piece of shit."

"My only friend is a dog I just met. One who, honestly, probably doesn't know me well enough to make a decision on if they actually like me or not. Which is moot anyway because some dudes kidnapped the dog to trick me into doing something for them. Which feels awful because not only is my only friend gone, but I'm so desperate for attention I was actually excited to be needed by the type of people that would steal a dog."

"And worse, it turns out they didn't even need me for that job and betrayed me and then tried to kill me. My current existence is fraught with utter loneliness and all-encompassing incompetence."

"I believe this fella is using a feminine napkin as a band-aid."

"You ever seen a super-hero in this sad condition before?"

"You guys might be right, you know? I just wanted to make the world more peaceful... but it's not more peaceful."

"Are you crying, boy? Superheroes don't cry."

"EVERYONE cries, dammit!"

"There ain't no super-villains allowed in this bar!"

"Look, sorry about your friend, but I was just a pawn, I--"

"We had 63 days without a worksite incident, you son of a bitch!"

"Jesus, you freak. Orange juice in the eyes? You may as well have thrown acid in his face!"

"Maybe I do suck, but I don't suck compared to these guys!..."

"... I suck compared to Green Lantern, and that dude wouldn't let these assholes push him around."

"You crossed state lines again without approval."

"I'm responsible for making sure dozens of super-powered ex-convicts follow the rules of their release."

"[NAME] is here to kick your cocks off!"

"You can control bees? Like a whole SWARM? That's hardcore, bro!"

"I don't know, man. I don't know if we can do this. I don't know if I got what it takes anymore and you're an old man with a bee."

"You know they only put me on the most dangerous cases, right? I wouldn't be here if you weren't a force to be reckoned with."

"You DO know that with just the push of a button I can have a hundred armored mechs descend on this place and render you into pieces?"

"Because... if you don't... I'm going to shove this napkin dispenser all the way up your OLD, WRINKLED ASS."

"I was alive at the dawn of man. I've touched every spot on this wretched planet, and drew blood on most. I've lived countless years with endless time. There's nothing I have not seen or done."

"Do you honestly think that in all of my long life I've never had a napkin dispenser up my rectum? Do you really consider that a THREAT to me?"

"Well... you'd be right. It was incredibly uncomfortable and I despised it. You boys are really refuting all my bluffs today."

"Don't you worry about me, I can still do the three most important things in life: flying, fucking, and fornicating."

"This is not the team-up I was hoping for, man. I was hoping for Harley or Deadshot. Hell, I'd even take King Shark, even though he smells like the seafood section at a grocery store."

"Well, you better tell your little friend to be careful. This place is full of crazy, dangerous, poisonous little predator fucks."

"See these tree frogs? They have enough poison on them to kill ten to twenty grown men. They got this giant centipede here that can catch and eat birds and bats and shit. And that's dope, but I sure as fucking hell don't want to be pulling it off my junk. Probably because I went to take a piss and it was like 'Yum, that looks like a small mammal, I should eat it!'"

"I'm not going to die because something gave me a little bite. I'm going to die the way god intended: mid-fuck, eating a club sandwich I just dipped in honey mustard."

"Hey, have you guys seen a mad scientist super-villain hangout around here?

"This place used to be BUMPING. Had us smuggling guns, drugs, jewels, stolen art. We lived life on the RAZOR'S EDGE. If it was profitable we were in on it. No matter how illegal or dangerous. Now they've got us smuggling recreations of rare trading cards. This crate here? FULL of knockoff limited edition sneakers!"

"I don't know what's going to make me and my boys feel the best, you know what I mean? What's going to pop off."

"Feed them to the Piranha? Oh SHIT!"

"Hell yeah! Let's party: FUEL ME, MY CUMULONIMBUS STIMULANT CLOUD!"

"Did you mickey his cocaine with a poison dart frog?"

"Yeah, but I feel real bad for that frog-- wait. There it is. It's fine."

"Birds and the bees? I never got what that talk was about. How things fly? I could fly too if I had wings and hollow bones."

"Clones means they're easily replaceable, right? Expendable henchmen?! I'm going to kick so much ass!"

"We aren't really fighting henchmen. We're more like 'experiments and janitorial' henchmen."

"We're actually not evil despite being clones of someone incredibly evil. It has initiated some pretty compelling nature vs nurture debates here."

"Believe it or not, by the time he mastered the cloning process he'd been in that ooze too long and his original body rejected him."

"Anyway, we're all pretty smart and can see what's coming next, so we're all going to flee en masse."

"Fuck, I'm not going to sleep for a month. I feel like crying right now."

"And it's not even like he talks to me or anything. It's just train-train-train, all the time."

"Drink all your vitamin goo. Learn to make explosives from common items."

"I know how it feels when you're a burden or a disappointment. Like you can't do anything to earn their love."

"But you know what I realized? When you go to the airport, you have to take your shoes off and they scan your stuff. When you give blood it gets screened. You have to pass a test to drive a car. But there's nothing to keep any old loser from becoming a dad. Dude puts a baby in someone's belly, they think they're king of the world."

"But a good dad would tell you that you don't suck, and that you're good enough despite what other assholes tell you. Because you don't suck, and you are good enough. A good dad wouldn't let you fight your battles alone. A good dad wouldn't tell you what you're going to be when you grow up. They'd ask what you wanna do and support it."

"I'm not sure how anyone survives past that age. It's exhausting."

"I hope you both choke to death on a fart."

"Yeah, it's another day I have tolerate your useless idiot face."

"You stole my dog. You tricked AND betrayed me. Hell, you shot me in the back. You tried to KILL me. But pretending to be my friend? That's worse than ANYTHING!"

"You're a brutish oaf who's made it this far despite himself. A doofus thorn in my side who has ruined my plans and home by fluke."

"So now I'm going to ruin everything in your life. Starting with that loathsome little town you call home. AND THEN THE REST OF THE WORLD!"

"It's my destiny. It was meant to be. Avenging the loss of my squadron on the man who killed them with the very machine that slaughtered them."

"It would be a disservice to them not to make everyday the best, most beautiful thing it possibly could be."

"I've dedicated myself to living a life without regrets."

"There's an evil, vile tidal wave crashing relentlessly against this world. Its churning waters smash the good and drown the kind. Every moment of this existence is unjust turmoil and chaos."

"You're a good kid and a great hero. And I can see you're trying as hard as you can."

"You had a really good dad who cared the shit out of you... and most of us don't get that."

"If they were here I know they'd tell us not to be sad they're gone. Life's too short to be sad."

"But I think that's a lot to ask. I know I'm going to be sad for a really long time. And I know you will be too.

"But we should try not to be: for them."

"You shouldn't smash burgers down like that. They're gonna lose all their juices."

"We ain't gonna miss the best superhero in the state's birthday party."

"Met 'em when they tried to kill me in a sewage treatment plant. Good dude."

"For god's sake, let the tree go! What are you going to do, replant it?"

"What are we doing here? I'd rather be in prison than deal with this guy."

"This place smells like a high school boys' wrestling team and everything's... curiously sticky."

"Is this just celery on a bun?"

"You're a wooden club of a human being. Simple, rough, and only good for bashing things. But somehow... despite yourself... you've come through with a victory again."

"Your presence is the only presents I need."

#RP meme #Sentence Starters #Dialogue Meme #DC Comics RP #Superhero RP #Supervillain RP #Suicide Squad RP #Peacemaker RP

[silver-strings-of-fate]

The Devil's Awakening

((A bit of writing, establishing the start of my palace au. Enjoy, or don't, I'm not your dad.))

It was supposed to be a triumphant moment; the people of Tokyo coming together to break their chains and reject the god of control. It was merely Ren's job to strike the final blow. Satanael's bullet was meant to be the grand finale. It was all over.

Yet, as Yaldabaoth's towering body began to fall, Ren's mind was suddenly filled with the god's voice.

"Very well, Trickster. It's seems that I've lost this game. Take your reward, then. I'm eager to see what you will do with it."

Before Ren could question what the god meant, he was met with a rush of crackling heat washing over his body. The feeling was familiar, similar to the way obtaining a new persona would fill him with a pleasant warmth. But the sheer intensity of it left him reeling. He fell to his knees, gasping for air.

"Joker!" The other Phantom Thieves cried out, all rushing to his side.

"Don't worry guys, I'm fine," Ren said, stumbling to his feet. His knees felt weak, and his head felt like it was going to split in two. But he could stand. There was no need to worry his friends about it. They'd all gone through enough already.

--

"I'll be blunt," Sae said. "I want you to turn yourself in to the police."

"You want me to... what?" Ren suddenly felt small against the towering Shibuya skyline. Turn himself in? Let the cops put him through another so-called 'interrogation'?

"Your testimony will be necessary to prove Shido's guilt. However-" Sae was still talking, but Ren couldn't hear her over the sound of his own heart beating against his eardrums.

His head was pounding again, worse this time. His hands shot up to clutch at his temples, as if his skull would crack open if he didn't hold it together. Ren felt like the world was closing in on him, the edges of his vision blurring. He didn't realize he was falling until he felt his side hit the cold ground. Sae was calling his name. People were starting to crowd around him. Everything was going dark...

--

Sae had managed to drag Ren's unconscious body back to Leblanc. With Sojiro's help they'd been able to get him into his bed, but he was still out cold. By the time he came to, the prosecutor had gone home for the night, leaving a note asking him to speak with her again once he was feeling better. Sojiro gave him a cup of warm milk, a few ibuprofen, and a firm instruction to take it easy before he took Futaba back to their home and left him alone in the cafe to rest.

That night, Ren sat awake, staring blankly at the frost clinging to the attic window. He should feel some sense of accomplishment, right? He'd saved the world! He'd killed a god! This was exactly the kind of thing he'd loved reading about in his favorite books as a kid. Shouldn't he feel happy, relieved, something?

But no, the only thing Ren felt was a digging, clawing anxiety in his chest. What happened now? What could he even do now? Turn himself in, help bring the full extent of Shido's crimes to light, and hope Sae could keep him from rotting in solitary confinement? It would keep his friends safe, at least. But it made him feel so helpless.

And even then, what about the rest of the world?

The Suzui Shihos and Mishima Yuukis of the world wouldn't stop being abused by their teachers just because he shot a god in the face. Shido would be prosecuted, sure, but nothing was stopping someone even worse than him from worming their way into office. And with the metaverse gone, they couldn't even change hearts anymore. The sick and corrupt would have free rein, just like always.

Ren grit his teeth, turning away from the window. His head started aching again, like something was stuck inside and desperately wanted out. He hated it. He hated feeling so useless. After all he'd done, he still couldn't change anything in the end.

"But you can change it, can't you?" Something at the back of his mind whispered, soft and soothing.

Ren froze. By now, he was used to his personas talking to him, cutting in with the occasional quip or advice. But his personas should be gone, right? Gone with Yaldabaoth and the rest of the metaverse. Though, the voice sounded a lot like Arsene's, or Satanael's, he supposed. Maybe a small trace had remained…

"If Yaldabaoth can change reality, why can't you?" The voice continued, wrapping Ren in a comfortable warmth. "You have the power."

The power… That must have been what Yaldabaoth had meant by his 'reward'. That must've been the flood of heat and the pounding pressure in his head. The god had given Ren its strength. And he could do with it what he wished.

"You could build a new world. One without control. No rules, no limits. Anyone can do whatever they like. Doesn't that sound nice?"

"It does…" Ren whispered back. "B-but that wouldn't be right! I wouldn't be any better than Yaldabaoth."

"Would you? Really? Would you take away the free will of the people, or would you make it absolute? A world where no person can control another. How would that be the same as what that malevolent god wanted?"

"I guess you're right." His hesitance was slipping away. Wasn't this exactly what he had been wanting just a moment ago? A way to help people be freed from their pain? Why should he reject that?

Ren turned to the window again. His reflection stared back with bright yellow eyes and a wide smile that he knew he didn't have. It was then that he realized; the voice wasn't Arsene's, or Satanael's, or any other one of his personas. No, it was his own voice, his own desires.

"This is what you want, right?" His reflection said, pressing a hand against the window's cold glass. Ren did the same, a smile growing on his face to match his other self's.

This time, he and his reflection spoke in unison.

"Then let's put on a show."

#the devil with 22 faces (palace ruler ren) #palace au #p5 joker #persona 5

[voorvore]

The Boy and His Dog

No. Time.

I stand at the window of my room. I watch the entire world, everything, all go on without me. I need not interfere.

I can't interfere.

The sky is a maligant depressive shade of grey. No joy to it. No sorrow to it. Just a covering, a tarp thrown over any real chance of feeling. A late-night horror movie viewed through child-sized splayed hands. Too scared to look at it face on, but stricken with enough of a disgusted, morbid fascination to continue watching in this zero-sum state. No risk. No gain. A shaft of His light 'graces' the corner of my room. I do not look. I do not know what I am missing. I do not feel incomplete.

As if driven by my own rejection of His 'grace', a cloud covers the shaft streaming through the window. This window is at the basement level.

My room is closer to a prison cell than an apartment. The walls are bare, naked with all the subtlety of a brutalist concrete painted lady, constructed from cinder blocks. A bare mattress lays on the floor to the south. Covered by a singular piece of soiled cloth masquerading as bed linens, soiled with blood and shit and piss and cum. A thin ebony crust has formed on the spots infected the worst, whereas the mass-at-large of the cloth remains a sickly pale yellow. It reeks like an abandoned parking structure, forgotten by all those who walk by, its urine soured, asphalt melting in the summer light.

The window is to the north. The glass has yellowed over decades of abuse and misuse, forcing a view of the world through a pair of piss-coloured glasses. I suppose that only to be fitting of me.

A boy walks on the other side of the road, on the sidewalk, a companion walking alongside him. A dog.

I struggle to make out the finer details of their appearances. My retinas have rotted in this self-created contrievance.

The boy is young, perhaps a prepubescent, unaware of the conspiracy against ourselves that we all partake in. He wears golden hair atop his crown, like an innocent prince. A noble. A sire. An adventurer. His eyes are a stunning azure, striking awe into wherever they glance. The boy wears a simple coat and children's shorts. The dog walks without a leash. Its fur is groomed to an exquisite standard of near-perfection, slicked back. Its thighs are plump with maturity and age, as if to suggest the wear and beauty of motherhood. Its eyes… oh, its eyes… stunning; eyelids covered in a sheen of iridescent makeup, eyelashes delicately blacked and exposed for all to see and worship, emerald-coloured irises, nearly human in nature, uncannily so.

The boy and his dog continue walking on. I can only watch for so long. The beauty in this life stays around for such little time. But the suffering is constant.

The boy and his dog turn a corner, out of sight. They do not leave my mind. All that remains is the same dampened skies, the same urban decay, the same decrepit apartment complex all around. And me.

I turn around. A lone rusted knife sits in front of me.

Demons mock me in my mind. Abraxis, sitting upon His throne of hate and conspiracy, spits upon me. I am useless. I am a malignancy upon this world. I am a diseased algorithm. A great procession of horrors, of monsters and revenants, of those things that act behind the scenes, of those things that we may never accept the existence of, carries me down to the river. A river of death.

I am lying on the mattress. I hold the knife above my chest. Pointed downwards.

Yet I do not plunge the knife inside. I do not end this contrievance of organic shit that festers inside these concrete intestines only to be shit out as a corpse waiting to be taken away by the sanitation workers who call themselves the law. I limply let it fall to the mattress beside, apathy becoming one with me. I am no longer anything that should exist. A paradox. A self-conscious nothing. A body without organs. A self-perpetuating neverending crypt.

I am haunted- By that which I would not do. No. Time.

#voor.txt #voor.reblogs #tw suicide #tw: suicide mentions #tw self destruction #creative writing

[im-fxcked-111]

Remember when i said i would sexualize the fuck out of my insecurities? Well yeah i basicly did that. Really personal piece of smut from yours truly, with many sprinkles of moments of sincerity here and there. Enjoy.

Characters: 5K

cw: rape, forced masculinization, degradation, weaponized insecurity, mentions of pet-play, misgendering <— as in invalidating someone's AGAB. Misogyny.

Summary: dumb "girl" can't cook 4 shit so she gets dunked on by her toxic boyfriend.

The thud of a plate falling and crashing, the soup scattered all over the floor, already unedible. The vegetables cut in deformed shapes, uneven. It would lead into my body getting bent over the table and my holes getting absolutely raped and torn apart.

A mutilation of everything i am, everything i was meant to be, a hole where my purpose would live, getting stretched with force by the head of his pulsing, repulsive cock. "You're not a woman if you can't cook" he would say, and in his length goes, my body jerking from the ruthless intrusion. Cries, soft begging, pathetic whinning. The snot and tears turning my facial features into an ugly, souring face. That's all he would hear, the similar symphony of a broken self-esteem, tore down femininity, replaced by baggy clothes that don't quite fit and comfortable boxers that you made sure stretched around my best assets. "Because you're too flat to be a woman, your tits just aren't enough." And that would be another reason to thrust into my hole mercilessly, my cries and begs in total silence as i accept, once more, your cruel words as total truth. And you'd still slam into me, you'd still sneak a finger or two to rub at my sensitive nub, boxers and pants tugged down at upper thigh length. I look appetizing in this position and to you, i'm not even a woman anymore. "Your (boy)cunt is so abnormal, it's deformed. It's gross and i can't stand the taste. I hate it." Hence why you no longer go down on me, tearing my clothes apart feels better to you, adding the word 'boy' to my cunt feels like the correct way to describe it. Because that's not how girls look like down there, is it? Because real women have innies, real women have pretty pussies. "Not whatever you have down there, a faggot's useless excuse of a hole." The words don't sting anymore and i firmly believe that with every new, long and torturous thrust, i start to wire my mind into the belief that i no longer deserve to be a woman, to be a part of a community where the color pink is gospel. Where ruffles and baby bows are what makes us, girls. "Even your body is accepting it, can you feel it?" How it clenches and throbs when you use he/him pronouns, how i smile when you praise and sing your 'good boy's and 'hush puppy's. How my boy pussy starts to drip at your mean words, calling me a freak, calling me something more than just broken, something that dosen't deserve space in this world, something that will be hated, disgusted by.

"You'll be forever alone in this world. You have no friends, not that you could care. There's nothing that'll change it. You bare all the weight in the family, you'll forever be: the black sheep that yearned to be perfect." And so your cock starts to slam again, more animalistic this time. You grab me by my freshly cut hair, you left it androgynous because you know that's how i like it, a constant question: boy or girl? Girl or boy? It dosen't matter right? I'll be one thing to you and for the rest, a nobody that contributes nothing to this society. The same one that'll reject me. You tilt my head and neck backwards, making me see through the window, eyes wide and panting coming out on a desperate beat, your cock still pulsing and twitching inside of my warmth in this new, punishing position. My nails, fingers wretch from how heartless your thrusting is becoming, ramming into my nothing-cervix. You force me to see, as you force your cock inside deeper and deeper, mocking how wet it's getting, how easy i'm becoming.

"You see them? I know you do. People that are normal. Unlike you. People that have normal lifes. Unlike you. People who have gone through things with no struggle. Unlike you. People who haven't been failed by the system, by their God, by their perception of who's superior. Unlike you, every. Fucking. Time."

Is there anymore tears left to cry? When i'm rather happy getting railed and degraded like this, fucked raw like a dog, a bad one that can't help but snap, to get angry, frustrated. When nothing's perfect i bite in unadulterated wrath, one that had been embbeded into me from my father's father. It lives in there and someone ought to fuck it out of me, to remind me that i'll always be a weak dog. One that will eat, eat and eat and still look bony, one that no matter what diet, it will remain with it's bones potruding, a skeleton with skin, an untouchable being not because it's immortal but because, it's ugly to the sight. Everything is. There's no need to get rid of my teeth, of my canine fangs. Since i'll be the one who always bleeds, who gets put down, isolated, rejected. A rythm, a cycle one i am too familiar with and now, i see as normal.

"You should start taking T. You'd look better, act better and behave better as a boy."

And with that you finish inside. "Because you aren't a woman, you dress up like one, you'll talk like one, you'll act like one. But there's anything that i can see that is womanly about you. You are through and through, a weak boy. A bad, broken and sick dog." Boys can't get pregnant, hence i feel you drip down my inner thighs, huffing, breathing while my last tears dry from my face. The food is still scattered and soon it'll be trashed. I can't even cook. I'm too clumsy for that.

Ps: When i was making this, it reminded me a lot of those Incel 4chan threads where some men would encourage others to take Estrogen if they had "no way to improve/become hotter/looksmaxx." Their cruelty and lack of tact made me realize that i thought in a similar way to them when i got deeply insecure last night. Just a little note. I may or may not genuinely start turning into a neet, basement dwelling incel. 💀💀💀

#౨ৎ sick girl writing #r@pe kink #r@pe play #rough cnc #rough kink #dumb puppy #misoginy kink #forced masculinization #forced masculinity #i repeat this is a very personal smut post... i hope that the people who get it get it....

[tordenvejr]

hey vic 💓

i would love your input on something if you’re willing. my eating disorder has gotten unmanageable and i want to recover but i feel like i can’t without an audience, if that makes sense. a big part of me wants to be sicker, and the part that wants to recover thinks im not sick enough to warrant recovery yet. i think about trying to challenge a behavior and it feels useless unless everyone around me knows about it and is proud of me for it, like i can’t just do it for myself to be happier. i’ve been to treatment twice, and i think now my brain thinks that im only allowed to recover in that setting. im also really struggling with the possibility of weight gain. i gained a lot of weight during my second round of treatment and maintained that for 2 years until this relapse, but the whole time i was absolutely miserable and felt awful about myself. i feel like if i gain weight again it’s going to be the exact same thing and i can’t deal with that again; i hated myself so much. now that i’ve lost most of the weight i’d gained i recognize myself again and i don’t want to go back to how i felt before. any thoughts or advice would be immensely appreciated. thank you vic.

hi 💛 be curious to get to the root fear of the resistance to getting better, we'll ask a lot of questions to cover a lot of ground, some may be resonant and have big answers, others may not be relevant. go with what makes sense to you ✨🌻

• what are you protecting yourself from?

• what are you truly trying to control?

• what emotional needs do you have that are not being tended to right now?

• which parts of yourself do you reject or shame?

• what do you perceive that you gain from being sick?

• do you feel that you are allowed to be visible and take up space, emotionally and expressively? do you feel comfortable with this? why, why not?

• are there any people you are not comfortable being perceived by? when and how did that begin?

• what need is your disordered eating fulfilling albeit in a harmful way? control - if so what are you afraid of surrendering to, what are you afraid will happen if you don't have it? comfort - what do you need comfort around, what other ways could you fulfill this need? being invisible to certain people and feeling safer as a result - how else could you tackle this need for safety? gaining approval - whose approval do you want? why would disordered eating provide this?

you can extend the curiosity to things that you yourself are saying:

• why do you need to be witnessed to care for yourself? go with whatever answer intuitively comes up. has there ever been a time where you were rejected, alone and you tried to justify the treatment by also abandoning yourself?

• what does your story look like in terms of health and the care you've received growing up? has there been a certain extend of suffering needed to be cared for?

• do you feel others are proud of you, in general and/or in various aspects of your life? do you feel that they care or that they are indifferent to you? do you feel that your recovery matters in their lives? it doesn't matter what you think, what do you feel?

i find that little of disordered eating is actually about the physical aspect, it's how it shows up and how we recognize it, but it's almost always tied to something else

i'll give you my experience for insight. when i was experiencing disordered eating as a child and as a teenager - anorexia, binging, bulimia it was at a time i didn't feel there was any space for me. i was anxious, scared, actively experiencing trauma. dissociating all the time as a result of said trauma. i didn't feel safe or "good", i felt i should disappear. i felt no one understood, listened, or could help me. i needed food for comfort, to soothe because i didn't have any emotional regulation tools, and i couldn't bear being visible to others. this was after many years of being groomed online as well, plus having a very strange relationship to my body in terms of my gender identity and experiencing dysphoria. i'm sharing this because the environment around me, my emotional state and the state of my nervous system was a huge part of my disordered eating. and for me, what really helped me get better was healing my relationship with me, gaining tools for emotional regulation, fostering acceptance and then love for me, not my body, me. it doesn't mean it can't still be hard for me at times or i can't be triggered, but when i do i understand why and what happened and i don't spiral. know your triggers. for me my main one is getting misgendered a lot in a short span of time, so when that happens, i'm aware, i tend to myself, i give myself space to struggle - while tending to and giving my body care and food. it is possible to have a very sturdy healthy baseline, and at the heart of it, i think, is emotional healing + feeling safe ⭐️

#answered

[grav3yardbb92]

WHY?

Derick Morgan x reader

TW: slight mention of rape and abuse

********************************

I met my boyfriend Derick about six months ago, but we've only been dating for two. He is the one person in my life that I feel like I can trust with anything. I've told him all my secrets, well, almost. There's only one thing from my past I haven't told him, or anyone.

Before I met Derick, I was in an abusive relationship. My ex, Daniel, would beat me, call me names, or say just horrible things to me. He made me feel useless, weak and unloved. For years, I was trapped in a living nightmare, and every time I managed to escape him, he'd find some way of suckering me back to him. I still don't know why I let it go on for so long, I am so ashamed and mad at myself for waiting so long. It took him raping me and breaking my arm for me finally leave and never look back.

That's how Derick and I met. My arm in a cast and sling, juggling my purse and books fighting through the crowded sidewalk. He noticed my struggle and opened the door to the coffee shop, allowing me to step inside. It started with a mere smile and a thank you, but he continued to show up every day at the same time, holding the door for me. As days went by, we talked more, learning everything there is to know. We soon graduated to dinner dates and movie nights on his couch. I eventually trusted him with the knowledge of my ex and his abuse, but regrettably left out the rape.

With him working in the FBI, I should have guessed that he would catch on to my behavior. The way I tense up when our make outs become too heated or my sudden nervousness and shaking hands when he brings up sex or makes inappropriate jokes. It's not that I'm afraid of him, I know he won't hurt me, I trust him with my life. And I know that I want to go further in our relationship. But how will my body react, I don't want to scare him off or make him disgusted at me being so damaged, so misused, so ugly.

Today is Thursday and he is working late. I am at my weekly Victim Support Group meeting at the local college campus. I've been attending these since before I met him, but I just keep finding a way to not tell him. When he ask where I am, I lie. Sometimes I'm shopping, at the movies, or at a friend's house. I hate lying to him, but my fear of him rejecting me or hating me when he finds out is stronger.

I step into the meeting room, make a cup of tea and find a seat in the circle. Three people have told their stories and I'm up next. I'm still nervous, but each time, it does get easier to tell, and I do feel better after I do it.

So why can't I tell Derick? Why?

#criminal minds imagines #criminal minds #derrick morgan #derrick morgan imagines

[chemicalarospec]

hi im a terf misandrist following you . just letting you know i will be spreading your posts to radblr and everyone will know youre one of us :)

On the off chance you take a look at this response (let's be honest, who's really gonna follow-up on a hate anon, but you did say you're my follower), let's start with the important thoughts I have for you: what is it that makes the men evil? The testostrone? Why, then all women are evil too, because that's a universal hormone! The Y chromosome? I'm not famaliar with TERF ideology but what about intersex women, who were raised as women and live as women and might not even know? Do TERFs reject these poor, innocent women, victim to biological diversity? Is it the fact that men occupy the privileged position in society? Well, then if you enact your dream society and subjugate men and institute a matriarchy, wouldn't all women become evil?

And spend a moment thinking about how much it hurts to be known as someone you're not -- something I assume you understand since you appear to be attempting to threaten me with it. Think about hating your body, and how horrible that would be if you felt that way about the place in society you take. Why do you inflict such pain upon people, for such little benefit? You try to protect the norms of society or the division of men and women, yet both of those things have been very different across cultures and times.

From your attitude, I may be talking to the King TERF themself here, but, hey, it's worth a shot. Consider these things.

Okay now on to the normal response (if you want to get in a catfight and not debate, start here) because, despite how much I try, I am a person of very little patience and sometimes I just want to let it out.

I love how you started out so frightening and then just gave the least impactful threat of all time. I guess that would be scary to people who TERFwatch all the time and are terrified as being percieved as bigoted idiots? But, believe it or not, I actually have more than one active brain area and didn't even think to feel fear at that. And I instantly took "everyone" to mean "all FARTs" (usually I don't deal in useless insults but now really seems like the time) because most of this website already has yall blocked and nobody likes TERFs but TERFs. Hey, maybe that's a hint that your ideology doesn't make any sense in the real world when you take a step back!

If "everyone knowing [I'm] a [person completely lacking empathy and intelligence]" is your goal I don't see how you will succeed because I have both those traits and share none of your views. But if you're offering to give me some free notes, I do have some other unpopular opinions, and I'd love to strike a deal, whip up a few posts, and convert all TERFs to being anti- magic crystals, witchcraft, astrology belief, and pseudoscience/anti-science attitudes in general! Just like your beliefs, these ones are not popular with feminism at large, which is a sign you should adopt them! (However, unlike your beliefs, mine do not involve making the world unsafe for for people who believe differently (not that I respect them, but I can let them live freely), so maybe they're not cruel enough for you.)

In any case, as I love blocking people and investigating things, you've made me look forward to carefully examining my followers to root you out :)

A threat for a threat is only a fair trade, so here's my threat to you: One day, you're going to mature. You'll realize that if your beliefs are shared by people who don't "believe" in evolution and climate change and tell people to "go back to where you came from" -- and believed for the same reasons --, they aren't the most measured and sensible convictions. You're going to realize that hating any one group of people and calling them evil, especially for something they cannot change, is worse than offensive and bigoted: it's illogical.

(And make friends IRL. I think that would help you get a sense of reality.)

#i said this #anon #terfs leave forever #tw terf #tw misandry #asks #discourse #i had more debaty bits #but i dont think i can get through here tbh #i just did the cursoary Polite Good Person Attempt lol #the Help instinct in me is just too strong lol. let me be mean

[honestlyno]

Notebook 3

My humanity could eat shit and die. I hated it. What define us as humans? Which human is righteous and which is the villain of the story? Who gets to decided all that and make the rules?

It was all bullshit. How could someone think "humanity" and then immediately think of "morality"? How did people even come up with those terms? Why can't we all just be people?

I am being hypocritical. I hated people and despised the ones who tried to think of themselves as something more than the others. All the while i was engrossed in the history of some of the cruellest dictators. I loved reading about how their reign made people feel, how their psychology and sociology changed during the years. All of those things and more helped me gain better understanding on the ugly creature that is the human.

I continued my act during school and locked myself in my room every night to not get interrupted while my mind was running miles an hour thinking of life, death, cruelty and morality. I was trying to define my humanity, all the things that made me feel like a useless person. I got annoyed at people who often recorded themselves and posted videos about some "spiritual" realization, only to talk about the ideas of somebody else and copy all of the person's personality. They were all as fake as me and i was getting angry that they weren't doing such a good job at acting as i was.

"You look cold."

I hated that sentence with passion. Wherever i was meeting with somebody knew i gave my best to look presentable, funny, friendly and ready to mingle with the new person i was getting to know. Yet they always responded with that simple sentence that brought me to Earth with a shot to the mind and a bucket of cold water over my body. I would often snap and leave but my snapping couldn't be described as an ordinary one. And it's pretty easy. I drop my smile, stare with cold eyes at the person and then take my leave without saying anything. That hurts more than being rejected and i knew it because ordinary people didn't like silence, being ignored and sassy young human beings like themselves.

Suicidal tendencies were something i came to possess after much trauma and thoughts on life and meaning. I loved spending time just thinking about things i knew would never interest someone else. That's what i thought made my mind unique and that's exactly how I've written my doom. Falling from a high place felt exhilarating, cutting at the skin on my hands felt freeing, pulling at the skin around my nails untill the bleeding wouldn't stop felt like a much needed punishment. And all of this because I didn't have a childhood one would describe as happy.

My parents weren't rich so they worked a lot which automatically meant less time for me. Most of my childhood was spent with my grandparents who gave their best to turn me into a human. They somehow succeeded. But the need for my mother was powering over those feelings, leaving me with a sense of dread and sadness.

I was the first born, loved by all. I was the first child from my generation in the family, i had everything and everyone wrapped around my finger. Maybe that's why i didn't feel the numbness that took over when I wasn't with my parents.

#writing #writeblr #writers on tumblr #daily diary #angst prompt #angst #writersociety #self h@rm #depressing shit #humanity

[connieventnsfw]

TW:GORE

dysphoria vent art. i hate what happened with my life. in 2019/early 2020 i was so close to getting HRT. but my plans were ruined by the stupid hope that one person gave me that they truly love me and there’s no need for any change in my body. but now i’m rejected over and over again, i don’t feel loved anymore. i feel just like i did before. i hate myself. my body hurts a lot from having genetic anatomical issues. i wish i could get at least hysterectomy. i really wish i could. but at the end of the day it’s not my decision, but my stupid environment. i wouldn’t regret. i’d be happy.

now i’m so underweight that i have no top dysphoria. i could pass as stealth/cis without surgery or i’d be able to get periareoral. i could start HRT and gain weight but in places where i’d want to gain weight. i could go to the gym. currently me going the gym is pointless, i can’t gain muscles because of my body. i’m trapped in this useless body. nobody loves me. nobody cares.

being transgender, at least for me, is very hard. people i met during discussing our transition experiences with each other are for many years on HRT now. they’re happy, they’re becoming their true selves. but i’m still sad, trapped in a relationship that doesn’t make me feel happy in my body, but doesn’t allow me to transition either. i’m so helpless.

#cw: gore #gore drawing #fursona #vent art #cw vent #personal vent #tw dysphoria #gender dysphoria #transgender #nonbinary #transgender struggles #helpless #trans dysphoria #dysphoria is a bitch #bottom dysphoria

[somephilosophercat]

Still invisible

I know it's my job to get to a point of not caring about things like this, and they are really small details and I can see that. We have a group where we talk about our weekends, it's time limited since everyone in group need to take their turn. It's always missing time because some members of a group talk too much and in too much details. Well mine was short and clear but on the verge of longest talks I have at that group. And it was weekend full of triggering thoughts and rejecting socialising because I feel too bad in my body and wardrobe and just can't face people and food on events. And I did couple of more things, including loooong ed walks and picking my things out of riding club after almost 10 months and getting soooo scared of horses even though I cuddled them for a bit. It's the first contact with horses after accident.

And fine, I talked in briefs about it. But I kept my talking short and doctor leading the group wasn't interested in anything. Just went on another person. It's not that I want questions, they make me uncomfortable but even with members who came much later she had question or statement. Sometimes she just state how hard the weekend was for someone. They just never ever see how hard is for me if I don't talk about strict suicidal thoughts. And I can't talk about my weight because it literally disgust me. I can't show more emotions there and I am just overseen because of it. I am not loud or talkative and group tend to be curious but I feel so small and invisible. I hate myself for not being able to show emotions but I can't change that. And it makes my stay there so pointless. I only have a month left but that's useless too..

I hate myself so much.

#16/05/22

[edenfelled]

This headcanon was originally posted on @abyssine ! I've just tidied up and added some sections.

forword: this is going to be my big compendium for all the stuff to do with my wol ! consider it a constant wip; i will make edits to it constantly, it will probably be huge; i will not apologise for my hyperfixations.

as always, a disclaimer: any mention(s) of canon characters can be changed if the people playing them are not interested. i do not expect my portrayal to trump personal comfort. some aspects of the game have more written about them than others; this mostly comes down to when i started writing on tumblr (shb).

01.  to  touch  her  is  to  become  a  child.  to  love  her  is  to  be  buried.  /  AMAUROT.

born kore, the maiden. she was best known for her mischievous nature and wanderers spirit — to the point many wondered if her seat of azem was more a ploy to keep her contained. in truth, she was bestowed the place due to the vast love she had for the world and its people. she mentored under venat, worked alongside members of the convocation, and was generally well liked — if little too passionate ( looking at you, grape incident ! ).

she did not know what was to come when it came to the final days, only that those on the outer provinces were slowly being drained of aether that turned its people into mindless beasts. when she returned to amaurot, she learned of the convocations plan to summon zodiark and defected. this coupled with her similar rejection of hydaelyn's followers earned her the monkier 'persephone' — more accurately dread persephone; queen of the dead, usher of winter. she accepted this title along with her fate to sunder and die. in the end, she was killed by a falling meteorite during the star's final hours after a cryptic conversation with venat.

footnotes:

i subscribe to the idea that the ancients were open in their relationships, so kore doesn't have a 'main' ship, and could be shipped with multiple people at the same time. i'm down to explore any dynamic with ancient muses!

kore helped with the creation of beast tribes such as moogles / fae / sylphs.

when people compare kor to kore, especially in appearance, she tends to believe they are describing her sister. however, the one striking difference from lily is that both kor and her ancient both have amber-coloured eyes.

generally speaking, ancients (before the sundering) will call kore by her birth name. ascians will call her persephone.

02.  call  me  when  they  bury  bodies  underwater,  it’s  blue  light  over  murder  for  me.  /  1.0 | ARR.

eldest child of fleet-captain dimitri swan, kor has always been defined by her binary gender. born a woman to a man who valued masculinity above all else — the stockiness of his highlander genes, not the midlander ones she inherited — her status as the eldest and most legitimate heir thrust on her responsibilities she had no choice to want and abuse she did not deserve. many of her earliest memories were of her father's fist, whether by her own acts or defending her sister from his ire, and she quickly learned that no amount of appeasement, placation or resistance would ever deviate his feelings. he hated her because he believed she had no value.

"she's a blight," he hissed. "a cunt." if you relayed it back to koret, she'd give you a twisted little smile and a roll of her shoulders. "he makes sure i never forget."

without a son to inherit his legacy, dimitri was reluctantly forced to take kor on as his protégé and she, by extension, was forced into his service. though she inherited her father's ship the wolfsbane, it was his expectation she would fail in her charge due to her inexperience in leadership and the complexity ( and oftentimes the illegality ) of his tasks. however, assisted by her first mate robince and a rag-tag crew her father believed were too useless to sail, they managed to successfully chart their first course and all those succeeding it. much of 1.0, as a result, was kor carving out her status as captain.

in those first few years of service, dimitri's attention shifted from his eldest daughter to his youngest. with a kind heart and an intense need to please, kor returned from her ventures to find her sister betrothed to one of dimitri's associates in his bid for more power and wealth. though kor did her best to plead with lily to leave with her, it was her sister's misguided belief that her marriage would redeem herself in the eyes of their father and gain her absolution and respect.

this belief carried her through her marriage, her new husband's abuse and her eventual murder — the latter of which kor was given unwilling clairvoyance. the echo, most people called it ( though to kor a personal curse ); no amount of sailing gave her enough time to save her sister. when she arrived back in limsa lominsa, it was all she could do to identify the body three-days bloated by the sea and enact vengeance on her killer. though she called it justice, it never brought her peace.

in her grief, she left her ship under robince's care after y'shtola's recognition of her echo. though she joined the scions willingly, she kept her distance for much of the early game as she tried to unravel the meaning behind her new 'powers'.

footnotes:

kor's story does not deviate too heavily from the normal wol's aside from a few things.

kor's first class was machinist ! or, more accurately, musketeer. limsa lore backs up their existence and i will die on the hill. she had a rapier, she had a gun and she had no time for your shit.

minfilia was probably the first person kor grew close to, though she'd argue it was begrudging. being one of the few people also possessing the echo, she would have a found a kindred spirit in how simultaneously powerful and powerless the echo can make you feel. it was her tender leadership that really inspired kor to join and her death later in the game took a massive toll.

kor didn't come out of her shell until well into post-arr. in truth, she was hoping to monopolise the scions for all their information about the echo and leave, only to realise she had come to care for them by the end of the game.

the slyphs pretending to be the scions was the funniest shit for her. naturally, as a shard of azem, she could easily identify who the real one was.

kor volunteered her father's ship to be the one used during the trial with leviathan. this was twofold: one, to spite dimitri. two, she gained assurance from merlwyb that all damages would be compensated... so she chose to wreck it. the restorations were fantastic!

haurchefant wins the award for person who became her friend the fastest. she found his earnest appreciation endearing and he had a knack for drawing rare bouts of sincerity from her.

likewise, she bonded quite closely to g'raha, though his choice to lock himself in the tower really messed her up. he was the first person she had a recognisable 'crush' on. so his death made her withdraw quite keenly into herself.

03. caught  in  the  river  turning  blue,  hold  your  breath  as  it  covers  you.

heavensward is my weakest expansion when it comes to kor lore, so sorry everyONE. the rest of this post will be a lot of footnotes / titbits of information for each expansion. eventually, when i have time, i'll replay each and give greater notes for their parts.

dimitri began to feed coin into the crystal braves at the end of arr, particularly upon learning of their plan to implicate kor in the assassination of the sultana. this was not because he had any great interest in the wider implications towards eorzea, he just wanted to take her out. he was of a mind that, where she not outright lying about everything she had done, she now possessed a keen threat to him and his assets. he wanted her reputation ruined, allies gone, crops salted, etc. being ala mhigan himself, he was able to plead his case and promise his assets were she removed.

kor had suspicions of his involvement but had no way to prove it. proof came when she, alphinaud and yugiri went to rescue raubahn and dimitri appeared alongside ilberd and the others. though he challenged kor to a limsan 'duel', her echo gave her clarity to the fact her father would not fight fair. she shot him dead before he got a chance. some in limsa would consider this dishonourable.

the rest of the expansion is a fairly one for one representation of how i think her story would go. please come back to this section later.

04.  show  me  those  pretty  white  jaws.  show  me  where  the  delicate  stops.

hello stormblood. i love you, even if the wider community does not.

the freeing of ala mhigo was an exceptionally weird time for kor, and it's not something she's keen to talk about. her mother was limsan born but dimitri was not. his family ( and hers by extension ) are ala mhigan, but he left just before the garlean occupation and shunned any members of his family that tried to escape through him. she doesn't feel like she can claim to be disapora, not in the same way her cousins can, and she feels very disconnected from her people due to her fathers rejection/manipulation of their plight. this lead her to default to other members of the resistance ( m'naago, conrad, meffrid etc. ) for guidance.

if anything, she felt more at home as a foreigner in the east than a daughter of ala mhigo.

however, cue members of her crew coming to aid in parts of the story ! a lot of them were refugees that dimitri tried to exploit. rob would often write and let her know which members had settled throughout yanxia and the peaks so she could go visit.

zenos. ah yes. he's really the first person who 'matched' kor with the echo — like he did with any wol. stormblood was around the time that kor was grappling and coming to terms with her suicidal ideation and her shifting opinion of it, so to have someone who could kill her was a terrifying thought.

zenos took kor's eye. of all the headcanons i have, this is the one i'm not going to budge on. if this is a dealbreaker for zenos roleplayers, i totally understand ! in the royal menagerie, as part of the shinryu fight, kor was critically injured. i like to think of it as the literal 'eye for an eye, a pound of flesh'. she took his life, he took something from her.

this brought into prominence kor's reliance on the echo and how weak hydaelyn's power had become over time. given she never thought highly of hydaelyn or the echo due to how she received it, it had not occurred to her just how accustomed she had become to it. in her mind, she had let it become a crutch.

also, the silence of hydaelyn's power coupled with her friends just dropping dead ? obviously they weren't dead dead but, when you have nightmares of your deceased sister suspended on a table manifesting in real life... it fucks you up ! she was not okay ! how do you protect your loved ones from something you cannot perceive ?

kor picked up a gunblade in this time. she saw it on the back of a dead garlean, picked it up, examined it, shot it and went 'o FUCK yea'

05.  i  know  for  the  last  time  you  will  not  be  mine.  so  give  me  the  night.

SHADOWBRINGERS, I LOVE YOU. my favourite expansion, love of my life.

kor knew immediately that the exarch was raha. she chose all the text options that called him out on it. that being said, she didn't push once he was like 'haha, that's so weird!!'. she saw it less as him having a master plan and more he had chosen to reject her as a friend and confidant in the time he'd spent on the first. baby has some self-confidence issues to work on.

she got into a lot of heated arguments with thancred over mini!filia. ryne becomes something of a sister to her throughout the story and she cares deeply for her. in a lot of ways, her protection of her and the other kids is her own atonement for being unable to save her sister.

her sin-easter is called forgiven insolence! i have art of it.

the horror of the light fucked kor up. it's the dichotomy of feeling like you're so corrupt you're the only one who can absorb the light, but also feeling like it's not expunging anything worthwhile.

this also lead her distancing herself from much of the scions. she knew something was up between urianger, y'shtola and the others. she has never appreciated people obfuscating and ( in her mind ) lying to her.

in rare moments ( see: the dying gasp, sos ) she is... uncannily kind to emet / elidibus. this is kore's influence. emet's is more in the theme of 'kill your abusers' due to what he did to kore/kor, whereas elidibus was more the comfort of a wayward soul. you can choose to be kind, even when people hurt you.

06. what  is  your  soul  made  of  ?  beauty.  and  what  is  beauty ?  terror.

hello the pain that is endwalker. i only have a few notes.

the wolfsbane took the scions to old sharlayan ! this was really nice for kor. she got to catch up with rob and see how his crew was going. though she technically holds all of her father's assets in his death, she passed them onto her first mate to manage in return for their assistance. he probably carried on about transporting the esteemed scions of the seventh dawn and their warrior of the light until she threatened to kill him. in truth, he just let her have the wheel for old times' sake.

in elpis, upon meeting venat and regaling her the fate of the world, kor made her promise not to give her the echo until her sister died. this was the point kor realised she would not have started her hero's journey until her sister passed, turning the event of her death full circle. it's also the moment she realises all her hatred towards hydaelyn was misguided — venat had the strength to not only sunder the world but endure the hatred of the one person she knew could save it. it's very poignant for her.

she sees lily in the aitiascope. this was the final event that made her really accept she was not at fault for her death and lily didn't hate her for it. their fates were inevitabilities until that moment; they were simply products of fate.

kor openly cries for hydaelyn and begs her forgiveness. it comes from both her and kore, though she doesn't realise it.

meteion is both kor's daughter and sister. i will not accept constructive criticism. as someone who once saw despair in everything, i think kor being able to impart the hope she learned was profound for them both.

she also can't really fault hermes. bitches be depressed. this doesn't mean she condones his actions, she just... gets it. deep down she knows, were she presented with the facts as he was, she very well could have done the same thing.

don't talk to her about ultima thule. time and time again she would have died for her friends if it helped them advance their plight. she never wanted it to be the other way around.

vrtra's plight to save his sister was extremely important to her.

for now, that's it! if you got this far, thanks for reading. this doc will be expanded as i see fit. anything new will be noted at the top.

#｡･ﾟﾟ･ — 𝐦𝐮𝐬𝐞 : koret #｡･ﾟﾟ･ — 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧 : koret #holy shit i forgot how long this was #AAAA #but it's done (for now)

[doktordismemberment]

Brain Puke: Rising to Puke Again.

-Laid up with a broken foot not even two weeks after a back injury that put me out of commission for over a week and it's starting to fuck with my mood.

Boredom is definitely part of it, and so is feeling like a bit of a burden because my wife has had to handle most of the cooking and cleaning while I've been hurt.

And like, she's been super cool about picking up the slack while I've been dealing with this shit, but I still hate feeling useless.

-

-In more positive news, me being stuck in the house has given us a lot of time to work on music and the new album we've been working on is really starting to take shape.

-

-In less positive news, I've been feeling really fucking lonely lately.

Got one friend I hang out with (and am married to), one friend I email with on the semi-regular, one friend who lives 3000 miles away who I talk to three times a year if I'm lucky, a couple people I upvote on social media, and everyone else I knew has either died or fucked off into the swirling mists of "grown up life."

I keep wondering if I said or did something to piss people off, but truthfully I think it's just this horrible digital age we live in and they're probably somewhere feeling as fucked up and lonely as I am and yet it's like there's this intangible wall of distance and silence that stops anyone from ever reaching out to anyone else.

Maybe it's a symptom of being super busy?

Maybe it's meaning to make the time but not realizing how much time has passed since the last email?

Maybe it's fear of being cringe?

Fear of being seen as needy?

Fear of having to respond to "Holy shit! How ya been?" with "I dunno man, I've been feeling really lonely lately, it's brutal" and being rejected for it 'cos something something therapy something something touch grass blah blah emotional labor?

Feeling like there's nothing to talk about, and no one to talk about it with, so all your words and thoughts have kind of withered on the vine and you're nothing but an empty human outline with a permanent fucking dial tone ringing in your head?

Being lost so deep down your own rabbit hole of interests and tastes and obsessions that it's hard to relate to anyone else's?

I dunno... I just fucking miss people is all. And I hate yearning for connection and existing in this fucked up world of strangers when all it takes to make a friend is the courage to open up and talk to someone.

-

"Moloch in whom I am a consciousness without a body!"

-Allen Ginsberg

#Brain Puke #Doom Metal #Lonely #Band Stuff #power electronics

[casspurrjoybell-28]

Alpha's Temptation - Chapter 40 - Part 2

*Warning Adult Content*

I've been stuck in this shit hole for a few days now and Henry's body absolutely reeks.

The scrawny omega who comes down every day to give me the bare minimum of food and water does nothing about it, just anxiously titters around and avoids eye contact with me.

I've tried talking to her, to try and convince her to let me out but she remains silent, pretending like she can't hear me.

It's not like I blame her.

Theo and his gang are probably terrifying to her and she could be punished for helping a prisoner.

In the time I'm forced to spend down here, I rack my brain for signs that Tristan was going to betray me.

I don't find any.

I've always trusted him, felt like I could rely on him.

So why did he do this?

I torture myself with the question for hours on end, not wanting to believe it.

I groan, getting into push-up position and doing a few sets.

I need to keep strong if I want to make it out of this.

I do exercises every day, no matter how much I want to lie down and rest.

Because resting here means joining Henry and dying on the floor.

On the sixth day, as I'm finishing up the crumbly, stale-ass bread I was brought, the door creaks open.

My traitor of a brother walks in.

"Rhia tells me Henry is dead?"

Theo observes the dead Alpha's cell, spotting the lump of what's left of the man on the  ground. I shrug.

"Daemon. You will answer me," Theo spits.

I glare at him from where I'm sitting in the back of my cell.

"He wanted to die."

"You expect me to believe that? That he hung himself?" Theo asks me, gazing skeptically at me through his dark-rimmed glasses.

"Happens if you're locked up in a shit hole like this long enough," I snarl.

I don't really give a fuck if Theo believes me or not.

There's no witness to the crime but myself and I'm pretty much doomed anyway.

I just needed reassurance that if I don't find a way to get out of this, my mate will be safe from Henry when I'm gone.

Theo sighs, ordering his underlings to drag the corpse out of the cell.

"You're lucky I don't really care. In fact," he walks closer to my cell, resting a gloved hand on the bars.

"I'd say we're alike in that aspect, personally seeing to it that our obstacles are taken out of our way."

"I am nothing like you," I clench my jaw, the familiar feeling of rage boiling to the surface.

"Think what you want. I couldn't care less. What I'm really here for is to see if you're ready to do what I've asked of you."

I stay silent. I hate his plan.

I'll hate any plan he comes up with.

"Clarify what is going to happen."

"It's simple, Daemon. You reject your mate, accept death, and then we can all go on with our fucking lives... Without you, of course. Then no one has to be harmed, not even your little mate."

I growl.

"I can't trust you. Your words mean nothing to me after all the shit you've pulled."

He tsks, shaking his head.

"You don't have a choice, really. Because if you don't do what I want... you already know, right? Do you want to watch as your mate is tortured, violated and executed right in front of you..."

I shoot up from my spot on the ground and come as close to the bars as I can, growling as my eyes flash to my wolf.

"If you so much as touch him, I will rip out your organs one by one and grill you over an open fire," I spit at him through gritted teeth, the veins in my neck feeling like they'll pop. "You hate me. I get it. But to bring my mate into something between us..."

"You know I play dirty. He's your weakness, Daemon. You should've thought twice before you took him as your own. Did you think I would just allow you that privilege?"

I bite my tongue, realizing that trying to talk sense into Theo is completely useless at this point.

He's not right in the head.

"You're going to suffer like I did. How you would've suffered, if Lucien hadn't been there to protect you all this time," he continues. "It's exciting. Finally there will be some retribution for you killing my mother."

I glare at him.

The way he says it, the venom in his tone, it makes me angry.

It makes me want to hurt him.

'I didn't kill her.'

I want to shout at him again and again.

I'm so sick of him saying that.

Because the more he says it the more it feels like I did, the more I feel myself slipping back into my old way of thinking.

I clench my eyes shut, remembering what Ash told me.

That it wasn't my fault, only Dark Moon's.

That I was too young to stop it from happening.

I tense my body, trying to imprint that in my mind.

I didn't kill Rose.

I loved her.

She was my mother.

She wouldn't want this for me.

She loved me.

My chest constricts in pain as the memories flood back and I look up at Theo through the darkness, the hate inside me overflowing as he continues to rant about how much I deserve this.

His voice filters back in like an insistent, annoying whine that makes me head pound.

"I want your last moments to be in agony. To die knowing you've broken your mate's heart and he'll live the rest of his life never knowing you didn't mean it. Won't that be hilarious? In your last moments, I want you to think about how you two will never, ever get to be happy together."

"You're insane," I tell him.

He grins cruelly.

"You've only just realized that?"