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#and i got bullied at girl scouts when i was like 7 for it
ktwritesstuff · 1 year
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The Babysitter (a Last of Us fanfic) pt. 1
Title: The Babysitter Fandom: The Last of Us Rating: PG (Later chapters will be explicit) Characters & Pairings: Joel Miller x Reader Word Count: ~2,000 Summary: Sarah's babysitter has a thing for Joel. Lovingly beta-read by @bs-fangirl, The Last of Us's number one fangirlie. <3
Part 1 (below cut) | Part 2 (posted 2/2) | Part 3 (posted 2/6) | Part 4 (posted 2/10) | Part 5 (posted 2/14) | Part 6 (posted 4/2) | Part 7 (posted 7/29)
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Austin 2002
“Hey, Sweetpea!”
You looked up at the sound of your childhood nickname, not sure right away who was calling for you.  In a small town familiarity was de rigueur.  You went to school with people referred to exclusively as Cooter, Biggie, and Ears, so it could have been worse. 
You were waiting for the bus just outside the school cafeteria when your brother, Paul, came over in his football uniform.  He almost never talked to you at school, so you figured he wanted something.  He was old for his grade and had made the varsity team as a sophomore; your parents were over-the-moon.  In your opinion, it had gone to his head.
“You have a dollar?  I want to get a gatorade before practice.”
“Here,” you dug through your purse and fished out your last dollar, rolling your eyes as he sprinted off toward the vending machines without so much as a thank you.
“We’re going to the mall when Andy gets out of practice, you wanna come?” Your best friend, Cheryl, asked.  
“I can’t,” you said.  “I’m babysitting.”  
“Nah,” your friend Mercedes teased.  “She’s got a hot date with Papi Joel.”
“Oh my God,” Cheryl laughed.  “That’s so messed up, stop it.”
“Yeah, that’s super weird,” you laughed along, hoping they wouldn’t notice the blush rising in your cheeks.
The truth was, you had long-harbored a crush on your handsome neighbor down the block: rugged good looks and soulful brown eyes, hardworking, good with his hands, a loving father, the whole package left you feeling weak in the knees.  But you would never say so, not even to your best friend.  As nice as it was to daydream about, you knew it could never happen and admitting it would just make you look desperate and pathetic.
“Seriously though,” Mercedes insisted.  “If you had to pick a dad, he’s primo DILF material.”
“JJ’s dad is kinda hot,” Tina said, stubbing out her joint on the sidewalk ramp.
“JJ’s dad isn’t hot,” Mercedes corrected.  “He just lets us party in his barn–besides, clearly Mr. Miller has ulterior motives. What 12 year old still needs a babysitter?”
It was true, Sarah was getting a little old for a sitter, but Joel still asked you to keep an eye on her.  You figured he wanted her to have another girl to talk to.  Someone older and wiser she could confide in about bullies, to go shopping with her, and teach her how to use a tampon.  On paper, you were a certified good-influence: a church-going honors student, marching band, a literal Girl Scout.  
Joel couldn’t afford to pay you much, but he was a good guy.  He kept your favorite snacks in the house and gave you rides when your daddy wouldn’t let you use the Jeep; last summer he had installed a phone jack in your room so you could have your own line.  More than that, Sarah was actually a pretty cool kid; you liked hanging out with her.
“Seriously, Mercedes,” you warned.  “I know you’re just fucking around, but you can’t talk like that.  Not at school.  That’s the kind of shit that got Mr. Spaden put on a watchlist.” 
“That and flashing sixth period APUSH,” Mercedes laughed.   
“He’s like a widower, right?”  Tina asked.  “Kind of emo.”
Your brow furrowed.  
“I don’t know,” you admitted.  “They don’t really talk about Sarah’s mom.”
“I mean, she has to be dead, right?” Cheryl said.  “What kind of mom would just abandon her kid like that?”
You shrugged.  “Maybe that’s why they don’t talk about her.”   
The Millers’ house was just two streets over from yours.  At 4pm you met Sarah at her bus stop and walked her home.  
“So how was school?” you asked.  
Sarah shrugged.  “You know, it’s school.”
You wrapped an arm around Sarah, giving her an encouraging squeeze as you walked.  
“Guess what I brought,” you said, reaching into your bag for your copy of Clueless on dvd.  “We can make popcorn and paint our nails, give you a little makeover.  What do you think?”
“Sounds good,” Sarah leaned into you. “As long as you use real butter this time.  None of that diet crap that gave me the shits.”  
“Well excuse me,” you rolled your eyes.  “Not all of us can be effortlessly thin.”  
You ordered pizza–an indulgence, but Joel insisted on treating when he had to work late–and put on the movie.  By the time the credits rolled your mani-pedis had time to set, so you brought out your makeup bag and let Sarah pick out a CD to put in the stereo–some twangy duet.  A man and a woman singing along to a surprisingly cheerful tune.
Bye bye love, bye bye happiness Hello loneliness, I think I’m gonna cry…
“What happened to Destiny’s Child?” you asked.
“Nothing,” Sarah stuck her tongue out.  “It’s one of my dad’s.”
You knew Sarah had more alternative sensibilities–even more than yours–and sometimes struggled to fit in.  She didn’t shop at Hollister and Abercrombie, she didn’t have straight hair and pencil-thin eyebrows.  She didn’t even have a traditional family.  Everyone wanted to belong somewhere, but you hoped with a little guidance, Sarah could avoid some of the pitfalls you had faced in high school and figure out she didn’t have to change herself for the sake of others.
“You don’t have to like something just because your dad does,” you said as Sarah took a seat on the carpet beside you.  “You have to decide for yourself–make your own way in the world.”  
“For your information,” Sarah said.  “Loretta Lynn is very punk.”
“Alright, punk,” you laughed.  “We can work with that.”
You gave Sarah a mirror to hold as you dusted her eyelids with sparkly blue shadow and showed her how to apply pencil to her waterline.  
“You’re pretty enough as it is,” you said, dipping a brush into the blush to apply on the apples of her cheeks.  “We’re just enhancing your natural beauty.”
Sarah shifted her seat, her brows furrowing with tension.
“How do you find somebody,” she asked.  “Someone you like and let them know you want to get to know them.”
“I’m sorry, honey, I think I’m the wrong person to ask,” you said with a laugh.  “I haven’t had much luck in that department.  Just be yourself, anyone who doesn’t appreciate that isn’t worth your time.”  
“There aren’t any boys you like at school?”  
“To be honest, high school boys are pretty gross,” you said.  “Why, is there someone you’re interested in?”
“Do you like my dad?”  Sarah blurted out.
You froze; the hairs on the back of your neck prickling.
“What?  Are you being funny?” you forced a laugh, setting down your makeup brushes.  Your ears burned red.  “Of course I like your dad.  He’s super nice.”
“No, I mean do you like him like him,” Sarah pressed.  “Do you think he’s cute…”
“He’s a good looking man,” you stammered, hoping it sounded like it was the first time this had occurred to you.  “You know, for a grown up.”
“He doesn’t have anybody,” Sarah frowned.  “Doesn’t go out..Meet people…Date.  If he’s a good guy and girls think he’s cute.  It’s gotta be me, don’t you think?  I’m the reason he’s alone.”
“Oh Sarah,” you sighed, taking her hands.  “It’s not you.  And even if it were, you’re worth it.  Your daddy loves you more than anything–I wish my parents had half as much interest in my life as your dad has in yours.  You are amazing; you have such a good heart.  So you can’t think like that, okay?  You are enough.  You are everything.”
Sarah nodded and you dabbed her eyes with a tissue before her mascara started running.  
“Come here, let me put on the finishing touch.” You swiped peach-flavored gloss across her lips.  “What do you think?”
“I look different,” she said, observing her reflection in the little compact mirror.  “I think I like it.”  
“You should keep this one,” you said, handing her the lip gloss.  “Color looks better on you.”
Sarah held the tube of gloss in both hands and finally cracked a smile.
“It’s getting late.  You go wash up before bed, alright,” you told her.  “You want to take a bubble bath?  I brought Warm Vanilla Sugar.” 
You waited downstairs while Sarah cleaned up; she changed into her pjs and was in bed by 10:30.  You nodded off on the couch for a bit until Joel came in a little after 11.
“Hey, Sweetpea, thanks for staying,” Joel said, reaching into his back pocket and pulling a $20 out of his wallet for you.  “I really appreciate it.”
He looked tired.  In your half-dozing state, you wondered what it would be like to be the one he came home to at night.  To greet him at the door with a beer and a kiss.  To curl up on the couch together for movie nights with Sarah nestled between you.  To have someone to take care of and someone to take care of you.
“Yeah, of course,” you yawned, rubbing your eyes.  “She’s been good as gold.  Just got to bed about a half hour ago.”
“Let me just say goodnight and I’ll give you a ride home,” Joel said, heading up the stairs.  
You gathered your things while Joel tucked in Sarah.  He grabbed his keys and ushered you outside.  He opened the passenger side door of his truck for you to climb in.  
Joel started up the car and pulled out of the driveway.  His hand was resting on the gearshift.  You stretched, letting your hand brush against his.  He pulled away like you had burned him.  
“Your hands are freezing,” he said, reaching for the heater, turning the dial all the way up.  “It’ll warm up in a minute, put your hands up to the vent.”  
You drew your hands back into your lap, sitting stock-still and ashamed as Joel turned the car at the end of the cul de sac.   
“So how’s school going?” Joel asked, breaking the silence.
“Pretty good,” you nodded.
“You thinking about college, or–”
“Right now, UT Austin,” you said.  
“That’s a great school,” Joel said.  “Close to home.”  You watched a muscle in his jaw flex.
“It’s a guaranteed scholarship once I finish my Gold Award,” you said.  “I’m building a rosary garden for the church.”  That was if the stupid council ever approved your damn project.  Even after you had planted and mulched and hauled paving stones and gravel, they kept insisting you needed to do more.  Apparently anything less than solving world hunger fell short of their expectations–and yet the Eagle Scouts got all the prestige? 
“I remember, you were working on that the last time you came over,” he said.  “How’s it going?”
“Actually, I was wondering if you might let me borrow some tools,” you said.  “I’m building a pergola, you know, to shade the Blessed Virgin.”
You chuckled and Joel chuckled.
“Yeah, absolutely,” he said.  “Can’t let the Blessed Virgin get heat stroke, right?”
“I really appreciate it,” you said, glancing sideways at him.  “My daddy’s kind of useless.”
“Your daddy’s a good man,” Joel said sternly as he turned the truck down your street.  “A good man.”
“I know.”  You stared out the window.  Your father had helped the Millers out after Tommy got arrested at Benji’s drive in for decking some guy for calling him a wetback.  But clearly Joel had never seen your daddy drunk.  “I just wouldn’t trust him around power tools.”
Joel stopped the car along the curb at the end of your driveway.  You held your breath as he reached over you to unlatch the door and push it open.  
“You go on now,” he instructed.  “I’ll watch you get in the door.” 
“Goodnight, Mr. Joel,” you said, sliding down from the seat of the truck.  You were keenly aware of his eyes on your back as you made your way down the driveway.  
You paused with your key in the front door, looking back down the drive before you stepped inside.  Joel was still waiting; you waved at him and he smiled back before shifting the car into gear as you closed the door.
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fleshdyke · 1 year
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in honour of april fool’s day (even though its over in my timezone) and also the amount of insane shit that goes on in my life im gonna list a bunch of things that have happened to me and i want you to guess which one is a lie. i would make this a poll but i dont have those yet
when i was like 7-ish i went to the zoo with my neighbor and went to this bird show they put on and i got to race with like 20 other kids against 15 i think turkey vultures. in a footrace. the vultures outran every single one of us. also the zookeeper lady said “don’t trip and fall or they’ll start eating you!” and it scared the shit out of me
when i was in grade 3 i went on a field trip for school and on the bus home my bus driver literally got arrested for drunk driving. with like 30 8 year olds on the bus. it was like 2:45 and we (all age 8) had to stand outside for almost an hour in november. also it was like three blocks away from the school and my house was literally across the street. the distance back to school was very walkable but for some reason they made us wait for another bus to come pick us up and take us back. but the bus was one of those ones that went to each house individually and the neighborhood it operated in was literally across the main street from my school and for some reason instead of taking 5 minutes to drop us off first they made us wait an additional half hour dropping all the other kids off at home before taking us home. then i had to walk almost a km home anyways
also when i was in grade 3 we all had to take a diagnostic test to see if we could get into the gifted program. i got one (1) below the threshold for getting into it and i was so pissed. like two weeks later they changed the score you had to get to get in so they invited everyone who got close to do it again and i got a higher score than i did before but then i STILL got one below because they raised it. in hindsight i’m glad i didn’t get in because i know it would have been bad for me but i’m still so pissed about it bc of the principle of it
literally my first day working at the aviary there was a snake in one of the birds’ feeders just chilling there. we spent like half an hour trying to catch it and it scared the absolute shit out of like 7 birds
i was a niche internet microcelebrity on reddit when i was literally 12
when i was in grade 8 we had a water hydraulics project and my class was a split class with mostly 7th graders so my teacher just sort of left us alone with a bucket of little tube syringes while she did something else with the grade 7s. then i found 3 actual needles in the bucket for some reason. one of them was in that little wrapper but the other two were just loose in the bucket that we were rummaging around in. i went out to tell my teacher bc she was in a different room and she literally told me she didn’t care and to leave her alone bc she was working with the 7s (they were reading a textbook). i was like ??? but i didnt know what else to do so i just went back into the room to keep working. then this one guy grabbed one of the open needles and stabbed two different girls with the same one like uhhh what the fuck. i went out to go tell my teacher that two people had been stabbed by the same needle and she told me she didn’t care AGAIN like GIRL. honestly i wasn’t too worried about the girls because they both bullied me honestly but yk. then later the teacher came in and berated us for not telling her like I LITERALLY DID TWICE im still so mad about that honestly
when my mom and i were watching the last two episodes of ofmd together (this was before i came out) when ed and stede kissed she turned around and looked directly at me
i was in scouts when i was younger and there was exactly 5 people in my troop and it was me, 2 of my friends (one of them ended up being one of the girls that bullied me and got stabbed with a needle in grade 8), and two boys that i absolutely fucking hated. one time one of the boys said i was dumb and i threw a rock at him
when i was in kindergarten during recess i had to shit really bad and i asked the teacher on duty to let me go inside and she refused so i asked the other teacher to let me in and she didnt have keys. i tried to hold it but i could not go inside and i was 4 so i shit my pants and i was absolutely never a kid who had accidents so i didn’t know what to do and i was so embarrassed i just tried to ignore it. i just walked around for the rest of recess with a massive shit in my pants. when recess ended the teacher told us to come sit down on the carpet in a circle. you can guess what happened next
last year i had a substitute teacher for math and i ticced fuck while she was handing something out and for some reason she refused to believe me when i said i had tics. she sent me to the vice principal’s office and he didn’t believe me at first that i didn’t know what i was there for because she had sent me down for lying to him. when he did realize that i actually didn’t know what was going on he told me that she sent me down for disciplinary action so yk. he walked me back up to my class and took the teacher out in the hall to talk to her and i was losing my fucking mind with my friends for like 15 minutes while she was getting an absolute dressing down for not believing me. then when she came back in i was expecting an apology at the very least and she literally didnt. we waited for like 10 minutes and she said nothing. then my friend actually raised her hand and said she owed me an apology and this old lady started fighting for her LIFE. also she was only a little bit polite to my white friend who was standing up for me but didnt have an OUNCE of respect for either of my other friends who were standing up for me who were black and mohawk. like literally what the hell. my friend did record it though and i have that video now so
when i finally came out to my mom i was literally in a costco parking lot. my brother was in the car and he already knew bc he just guessed it ages ago and i said “did you know one in three people are gay” and my mom said “yeah i know”. also i made a cake for my dad bc he wasn’t there and he said “when do we make the ‘we know’ muffins”
i made my 13th birthday cake and right after i finished frosting it i dropped the entire thing on the ground
when i was like 4 i made a mess of paper in the kitchen and my mom told me to clean it up so i went in there and ate all of the paper
in grade 5 my teacher found out i was self harming and for some reason she decided to talk to me about it while we were doing kindergarten buddies. my kindergartener was literally just left alone in the room. i dont know why she decided to use that time
when we were selling my old house it was during covid so we had to leave during all the open houses and one time we came back from driving around the city during one and i went to the bathroom and there was a puddle of piss on the floor. some lady brought her toddler in and she pissed on the floor and she tried to clean it up with toilet paper but for some reason put it in the garbage instead of the toilet so the whole room smelled like piss
in grade 7 i was walking home from school with my partner and i guess i ate something bad and i ended up shitting my pants halfway home
someone here called me a terrorist for lying about gay sex in bathrooms
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theloonatic · 6 months
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This is it IT'S THE VENT POST EVERYONE!!!!
What The Fuck Happened In Cadets summer camp
(Ps. I've censored names of people and places as I don't want to get in trouble for people getting any bombs under their cyars)
Tw: Bugs, Throwing Up, most if not all illegal shit, child neglect and the Ramen Sink
*let's start with a banger, a kid beat someone with a belt so bad that the police had to escort them out. We hated the kid so much we threw a party
*a kid got permanently kicked out for r@pe threats and kicking a locker over
*Five kids got in "trouble" for shoving q tips up their.....posteriors....and in peoples mouths when they were sleeping. I say "trouble" because one who I'll call Chris P became Lance corporal :,) as a result we called him "Lance corporal q tips" or "Lance corporal poo tips"
*The tuck shop was chaos. I mean chaos. These bitches were bringing out 6 and 7 tubs of pot noodle and candy floss, and a colleague of mine I'll call Spiders Georg for anonymity had taken 3 bottles of lucozade out every day. The pot noodle issue got so out of hand (and boys were spitting them on my first dorms window) they opened them after they cooked them to stop people taking them away. This only (seemingly) worked for the boys as my first dorm had a kettle and like 25+ pot noodle packets.
*I say first dorm. There were 3 girls dorms and I went through all. The first one was full of older girls, addicted to vapes and alcohol and only really talked about sleeping with boys and hiding the pot noodles. The second was full of girls from my school, pricks who bullied my friends.
The third was me and a girl just, but she left before the last day from sickness.
*I made two friends, but they went fairly quick. I'll call them Danny and Soda. Danny got a seizure halway in and was sent home, and Soda got homesick and went home.
*We found a fully empty wine bottle under the stairs while cleaning
*THE CAMPING TRIP :). The camping trip had so many ants that they'd actually crawl around u and on you as you cooked stuff, stinging u at every opportunity.
*The Duke of Edinburgh tryout was hell on earth. The tail of a hurricane was hitting, and so I and 5 others strode along the beach in rain and sleet and horrifying wind. I wasn't able to tell if it was water, spit, snot or tears in my face and on my clothes, and it was so cold my fingers went numb
* The pot noodle, both from dorm 1 and the tuck shop, caused so many issues. First, people drank it and threw it up/spat it on our windows. Second, there was the ramen sink incident, where someone put ramen in our sink. It wasn't cleaned till the last day, and I was the only one who stepped up. 💪 built diff fr
*they didn't let us use phone alarms. They had to wake us up, and the clowns didn't ever do it on time. Hence lots of rage.
*speaking of alarms, on a camping trip, aforementioned colleague Spiders Georg left his in his locker, and said alarm was "Good morning Vietnam" followed by 40 minutes of Paranoia by Black sabbath.
*There was a raid. The other section's boys raided our section's, as a result they couldn't go to the tuck shop or parties. 4000 pounds was stolen, along with earphones and underwear.
*there was also suspected internal theft. One girl lost 14 bras, and another lost her headphones. They suspected me at second (their friends first), but then some of my socks went missing too. None were ever found
And last but not least, This Was A Promo Club. For the British Army. I thought it was just like a club scouts thing, but it was truly hell on earth, followed with children being encouraged and trained into joining the military. Don't ever fall for this.
Well that's it moral is don't be afraid to give up (I didn't give up, I'll admit the last night in my own dorm was kinda nice and the free toast and hot drinks too) and also don't trust the army. 👍
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Eli Writes Sometimes - Updated Intro/Masterpost
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Hey! I've been here for a while, but my old intro post isn't amazing, so I've decided to make an updated one, especially as I've got better at using Tumblr since I made that post.
About me
My name is Elias, but I go by Eli most of the time
My pronouns are he/it, and I prefer to be referred to using masculine terms
I'm a trans demiboy, asexual and demiromantic
I'm a minor, so please be respectful of that
When not writing, I play the flute, and this makes up about 10% of my personality
This is the picrew I made my icon with
Where to find me
My Wattpad (I haven't got a lot posted there, but I'm going to post more there)
I have a shitpost/fandom blog at @eli-is-an-idiot
My NaNoWriMo profile
I'm currently sorting out Ao3, but when I do, I'll post a link to that
About this blog
As you might have guessed, this is a writblr!
I've been reblogging things about writing more than actual writing, but I'm hoping to change that and post more of my own writing
My WIPs are under the cut
I write a mix of things, but my current main WIP is a fantasy story
I also like writing stories that have a basis in my own experiences
Not ok with:
Any kind of hate speech or prejudice
TERFS, transphobes, homophobes, ableists, racists or anyone that doesn't respect other people's existence
Bullying
Entirely NSFW or 18+ blogs (I'm a minor)
Anyone who wants to buy/has bought Hogwarts Legacy
Ok with:
Being tagged in tag games - I love these, and I want to try and interact with other people in this community more, so if you want to tag me in anything, please do!
On a similar note, feel free to send me asks or DMs about your WIPs or OCs, or just anything you want to talk about, I'm always happy to listen!
On the other hand, if you want to ask questions about my WIPs, I'd love that :)
Also, if you want to be mutuals, I'd love that and just follow me, and I'll check you out, I'd love to be more active in the community :)
WIPs and navigation under the cut:
Tags:
General writing things - #eli writes sometimes
Things that don't include my writing (including games) - #eli doesnt write sometimes
Tag games - #eli tags sometimes
Ask games - #eli answers sometimes
Each WIP has its own specific tag
WIPS:
God of Chaos
Intro post HERE
Genre - Fantasy
Status - Planning/first draft
Specific WIP tag - #wip goc
The Remnants of Shadows
Intro post HERE
Masterpost HERE
Genre - Fantasy, LGBTQ+
Status - First draft
Specific WIP tag - #wip - tros
Content warnings - heavy themes of death
Alya MacNamara has always been a pillar of their community, helping any kids who needed it with any of the problems life threw at them, so when he disappears, there isn't a soul that isn't devastated - but there's nothing they can do, right?
But four of Alya's old kids don't accept this, and swear to find her - separately. The story follows these four as they realise that they aren't alone on the search, and as they try and get along with three others who they have nothing in common with except one person.
For All In-Tents and Purposes
Working title
Intro post HERE
Genre - Coming-of-age, LGBTQ+
Status - First draft
Specific WIP tag - #wip - aitap
Based on my experiences as a closeted transmasc person at a scout camp
One of my favourite things that I'm working on
A young trans boy, Elliot, is forced to go on a week-long scout camp, being forced to live around girls thinking he's one of them, boys who surely won't accept him, and judging adults watching him all hours of the day. The story follows him as he tries to navigate this harsh environment, and survive until Sunday with his sanity.
Stories 7 Year Old Me Would Have Wanted
On hiatus, I want to return to it after NaNoWriMo
Genre - Short story collection
Status - One story posted, second one being drafted
Specific WIP tag - #S7YOMWHW
Chapter One posted on Wattpad HERE
About 25% of it is me judging my younger self
I recently found a book from when I was about 7 full of prompts and story ideas. I had tried to start writing in it but had always lost motivation, or stopped writing and forgotten the "great idea" that I had.
So I'm going to share the prompt, what I wrote then, and what I'd write now.
Enjoy, I guess, and have fun laughing at me as a small child.
Jason King's Guide to the Supernatural
Intro post HERE
Genre - Comedic horror
Status - First draft
Specific WIP tag - #JKGTTS
When Jason King takes a job at a sketchy-looking paranormal investigation company, he’s just looking for anywhere that didn’t ask any questions about why his passport doesn’t match the name that he applied with, not somewhere to make any lifelong connections. He doesn’t know what to expect from being the newbie at Simon Warren’s P.I.S.S (Paranormal Investigation and Sightings Service) Hotline, but it isn’t two bored teenagers who are completely over the seemingly-commonplace supernatural happenings all around them.
The story follows Jason as he tries to adjust to his new life as a paranormal investigator and tries to stay alive while combatting ghosts, demons and insane clients.
Follow the Light
On hiatus
Genre - Fantasy, LGBTQ+
Specific WIP tag - #WIP - FTL
I'm probably not going to go back to this, I might, but it's been a long time
There's an author's note and a love letter posted on Wattpad HERE
This is a world of magic - everyone born with strange and dangerous abilities.
When Caoimhe and Nyx meet, they are both hiding something. But will their friendship help them overcome the challenges presented by society, their families and, most of all, themselves?
That's all for now, thanks for bothering to read this far :)
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oldb1og · 3 years
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i just saw someone saying they wished they had an obvious birthmark and that people who have them look so cool and now i have a bust of confidence
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beautifully-excused · 3 years
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On why I am upset and will rant on my blog because I can
For my sanity I will start with what I have understood from the two least biased translations (towards either side) of the original pann post that I found. These translations were tweeted by a native Korean speaker. I won’t include details on them because they were having a really rough time and they said that because of past experiences they couldn’t translate this particular issue but shared translations they found correct.
Links to those translations:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/19dpFwL_tSVP4QXfXfR6GUiU9VijqP1TA_telCgwXqEI/edit
https://twitter.com/RENJULYS/status/1364989391907614728
So from both of those here’s what I understood:
1) OP went to school with Mingyu and they were in the same class.
2) Mingyu would tell her to “shut up” whenever she tried to participate which led to OP not trying to speak anymore.
3) Mingyu and friends would make dirty/sexual jokes. It got to a point where he would do it in front if the teachers and they told him stop. He only stopped in front of teachers but would continue once they left.
4) Also when teachers weren’t there, him and at least another friend would joke with a pun that could mean “you are conspiring!!!” or “you even decorated the pubes(?)!!!” because pubes and conspiracy sound similar in Korean and would draw pubic hair on the board in the classroom.
5) OP does not recall who would draw the pubic hair but Mingyu definitely participated in the jokes.
6) The jokes made OP uncomfortable.
7) Eventually Mingyu left and OP heard he was scouted but expected to never hear from him again.
8) OP mentioned him in therapy because she does not feel comfortable speaking of idols when someone who played a part in a hurtful experience for her is precisely an idol.
9) OP was NOT going to mention what Mingyu had done but chose to because her therapist suggested that it could cause her future harm to keep quiet.
Now some things to keep in mind:
1) OP NEVER accussed Mingyu of the sole reason for her going to therapy. In fact the photos of her therapy and her diploma were included in a previous article OP posted (where she talked about the SCHOOL ENVIRONMENT and that she wrote to make it clear that the school both her and Mingyu went to WAS NOT idyllic because people had been saying nothing bad happened at that school).
2) In the first post I just mentioned (which I’ve only found a very brief translation of https://twitter.com/RENJULYS/status/1365015372596879361) OP talked about how it was possible for bullying to occur in their school as she had been a victim. She even has a scar given to her by a former classmate. Then made a COMPLETELY SEPARATE post specifically for the situation regarding Mingyu.
3) There was no sexual assault mentioned in the post about Mingyu (yes that does not make it any easier to diggest).
4) The proof OP posted were her diploma from the school and a copy of her therapy papers. She also included drawn layouts of the school and the seating arrangement.
5) OP never stated that she was singled out in the jokes they made (her or any other girl in the class), just that Mingyu and his friends would make them despite who was uncomfortable.
Leaving something clear, I DO NOT BELIEVE THAT “BOYS WILL BE BOYS” because as a girl I’ve met too many dicks in my life. I’ve been made to feel stupid by my “friends” and classmate. I’ve been in conversations that have touched uncomfortable topics (though in my culture it’s much more relaxed and barely anyone cares and it’s a normal thing to have dicks drawn on the boards). Passing it off as a “boy thing” just makes people not understand that you have to fucking educate a child so they have basic decency and humanity. It’s not ok to make others uncomfortable or to intentionally do something that hurts them.
That being said, the question is, do I believe OP?
The simple answer is yes. It’s clear from what OP said that Mingyu did bully her (I do consider his remarks to get her to shup up as bullying). I was never in a situation as bad as hers but I was made to feel stupid when I spoke and I can tell you it hurts. It’s very hard to get it out of your head that you are stupid. It fucking sucks. Other than that he was pretty much a dick with dick friends. He made jokes he shouldn’t have in front of people that were clearly uncomfortable but didn’t direct it to anyone in particular (that we know). Other than the teachers, it is not stated if they were told to stop but still they probably knew and didn’t care.
HOWEVER, and I have to add this, while I believe Mingyu is at fault and needs to acknowledge his past actions (we all should if we’re being honest because I don’t believe there is a single person on this earth that has never hurt another), I DO NOT BELIEVE THAT IS THE MOMENT OF HIS LIFE THAT DEFINES HIM. 
The fucking witch hunt that has gone up against him and the amount of bullying and pressure towards people that declare themselves neutral is sickening. IF all of this is a lie, then we have created another victim. How would anyone ever repair the damage done to Mingyu’s career or life for that matter? BUT ALSO IF it is true and he apologizes and acknoledges things like an ADULT SHOULD then he has probably grown up and changed. The incident was about 10 years ago (going by the age he joined Pledis which is when OP said she stopped seeing him but correct me if I’m wrong). I believe Mingyu could have changed. How he reacts to everything will show a lot about if he has or has not changed.
Believing he has changed from other people’s words for me is equal to believing he was probably shitty at one point of his life from what someone has said.
ALWAYS BELIVE THE VICTIM BUT DON’T CREATE ANOTHER ONE IN YOUR WAKE.
If it’s too much and you think you need to leave the fandom, go ahead. You’re more than allowed to be hurt. WHAT YOU FEEL IS VALID. You’re not bad, mean, fake, or guilty for how this affects you personally. You know how you need to deal with this. Don’t let anyone else make you feel guilt. 
If it’s false and you choose to come back, don’t let others make you believe you’re unloyal, untrue, or fake because you are not. You felt you needed to go and you can or cannot choose to return as long as you feel safe. 
But REMEMBER TO grant others that same freedom whatever their choice may be. If it’s all true some of us might choose to stick around because we believe people change. Let him prove he has changed and grown. You have no idea how important that can also be to somebody. Speaking for myself, I hurt somebody I deeply loved when I was 13. I was shitty and I will never be proud of the things I caused. She forgave me. I am thankful I had that luck. She’s my best friend and I still love her. I am thankful I was able to prove myself. I learned more from having the chance to change than I did for being made feel guilty by being constantly reminded of my mistake, both things were done to me by the way. 
Don’t take that from him yet, HIS PRESENT SHOULD HAVE SOME WEIGHT TOO. If you can, if you’re not too hurt, if it doesn’t break you, if it doesn’t put you in danger, then try to give him the chance all of us as humans deserve.
One last thought on OP: Don’t you guys dare to expect her to accept the apology or to be fine with it. She has her own healing process and only she can determine when she is free from the scars of all that happened to her (not just Mingyu’s part). He can apologize and she can still be upset over the situation. Her forgiveness is not what this is about.
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emeraldspiral · 3 years
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Nobody was asking, but yall are gonna get my sad TF2 Pyro headcanons anyway.
For starters, I don’t think Pyro literally thinks they’re handing out lollipops and blowing bubbles and rainbows when they’re killing people. I think if that were the case, they’d be spreading “joy” around to their own team, not just the enemy team. I think Pyro is simply a pyromaniac. Pyromania isn’t especially well studied, but what little study there is suggests that it’s an impulse control disorder that may arise as a form of stress relief. The “mania” part comes into play when it escalates to feelings of euphoria caused by starting fires. So my interpretation of Pyroland is that it’s a representation of how Pyro feels when they’re burning things. Pyromania often develops early, though isn’t usually diagnosed until around age 18. Pyromania, like kleptomania and other impulse control disorders, is often associated with ADHD, abuse, neglect, anxiety, and mood disorders like depression.
With all that in mind, the backstory I’ve constructed for Pyro is that they’re Irish and AFAB, though they don’t care what gender their perceived as or what pronouns people use. They would probably identify as non-binary today, but they aren’t aware of it as a concept at the time TF2 takes place. Pyro’s first name is Edna (Ed for short), which means “little fire” or “fire kernel”. Under the mask, they have short, choppy, red hair, and freckles and a smattering of burn scars, though nothing as bad as the TFC Pyro’s. They are the youngest of the Mercs, even younger than Scout, being only 19 at the time they were recruited, and 23 as of 1972.
Pyro went to a strict Catholic school where they struggled to learn and fit in with their peers due to undiagnosed ADHD. They were often bullied by their classmates and berated and punished by their parents and teachers for poor grades and “inappropriate” behavior. Pyro started playing with lighters as a pre-teen. At age 12, they started burning homework assignments, textbooks, and library books due to frustration with their learning difficulties. At age 13, they got revenge on a girl who’d bullied them by lighting her hair on fire with a candle they were holding during a prayer service. At age 14, they finally snapped and burned down their childhood home, killing their abusive parents. Afterward, they spent a year in an orphanage, before burning it down, and another year imprisoned in a psychiatric institute before escaping by burning it down as well. Afterward, they were homeless for 3 years, during which time they terrorized the countryside with a string of arsons, mostly targeting schools, libraries, orphanages, and mental hospitals. Like the Sniper and probably a few other mercs, Pyro doesn’t really see what they’re doing as wrong because they view the institutions and people they destroy as evil, due to their bad experiences. They consider what they do a public service, mostly for the betterment of children’s lives. Their rampage actually forced the Irish government to shut down all orphanages in the country and replace them with a foster care system.
Pyro was recruited by Helen and Miss Pauling, who were impressed with their ability to evade capture for years as much as their willingness to do whatever they asked as long as it gave them an excuse to burn things.
Pyro wears their suit 24/7 to intentionally cultivate an intimidating, inhuman image so people won’t expect them to act a certain way. They were the last to receive an Uber surgery from the Medic because they didn’t want anyone to see who they really were underneath. Medic convinced them to go through with the surgery by swearing to maintain doctor/patient confidentiality.
Pyro latched onto the Engineer as a father-figure due to him showing them kindness and patience they never got from anyone else in their life. Engie didn’t treat them like they were stupid when he realized they could barely read and never got frustrated after taking it upon himself to help them learn. With Engie’s help, Pyro obtained a college degree, double-majoring in business and engineering, which is how they became such a success at Frontier Engineering.
Heavy’s fear of Pyro comes from seeing a lot of himself in them. It’s not that he thinks Pyro is a wildcard who can’t be trusted not to burn the base down on a whim. It’s more like he can tell that Pyro is fueled by a lot of rage and pain due to something dark in their past and, if you push the right buttons, is the most likely to go into the same insane blood-rage Heavy went into when he thought Medic was dead. And if you saw what they did to that bear, you’d know he wasn’t wrong.
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currywaifu · 4 years
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𝐭𝐢𝐭𝐥𝐞: barbie movies as troupe plays part 1 𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠: sfw
𝐚𝐧: if you think i won’t do all 36 barbie movies, you’re wrong. regardless of whether people want this or not. i have barbie brainrot 24/7. i’m just separating it into parts so it’s not too long *this isn’t meant to be that serious y’all my reasons vary from legit to just jokes
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𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐥: i won’t go in-depth with any plot differences from movie to play, or how the characters would work out... for now *chuckles in future ppt*
𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝟏: nutcracker, rapunzel, swan lake, princess and the pauper, fairytopia series, magic of pegasus, barbie diaries, island princess, three musketeers 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝟐: coming soon 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝟑: coming soon
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𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐩𝐞: mixed troupe! spring x autumn. one of the seasonal events/scouts for A3! has a nutcracker theme, and to avoid spoilers that’s all i will say :3
𝐩𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐚𝐥 𝐜𝐚𝐬𝐭: since this is based on barbie’s take on the nutcracker, changing up the cast from what tsuzuru had in plan:
clara/sugarplum fairy: sakuya. i want to see him go through a costume & hair transformation sequence, not gonna lie. 
nutcracker/prince eric: juza. obviously he has to be the ruler of the land of sweets.
mouse king: sakyo or chikage. i want one of them to wave around a sceptre and say quotes like “i’ll reduce the Nutcracker to a pile of splinters"
pimm: taichi... pimm is a spy :O who has to do dirty work :O but the real reason is i just want taichi to follow around sakyo again or maybe even chikage this time lol
major mint & captain candy: tsuzuru and citron respectively. mint is pretty serious and awkward, candy is a lot friendlier- i just think it’ll be a good way to insert some humor in the play
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𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐩𝐞: mixed troupe! summer x autumn.
𝐩𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐚𝐥 𝐜𝐚𝐬𝐭: rapunzel in this one actually is the “servant” of gothel. also, rapunzel has a magical paint brush and also there’s dragons. who are purple. 
rapunzel: kazunari. obviously. actually, kazu has a lot of similarities with her: a good artist, patient, adventurous, quick thinking, hardly ever complains- also he’d look good with long hair i think ><
gothel: omi. there is an action fighto scene + also just the theme of omi playing villains lol... also THERE’S A SCENE WHERE GOTHEL PRETENDS TO BE RAPUNZEL BY WEARING A LONG WIG AND BOI- KAZU AND OMI’S BODY BUILDS ARE SO DIFFERENT BUT IT’D BE FUNNY IF THE PRINCE FALLS FOR THE TRAP ANYWAY
penelope: kumon. a PURPLE funny and clumsy dragon- fight me, the only answer is kumon especially once you see who’s next.
hugo: juza. a PURPLE dragon who’s penelope’s dad but he’s gonna be the older bro in this one (i wonder why...) 
hobie: a passive and worrisome rabbit... Tenma.
prince stefan: he also has a couple fight scenes... ngl bc stefan has blue eyes, light brown hair + described by the wiki as “fierce”, he’s banri. 
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𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐩𝐞: winter troupe. i will stand by this forever. 
𝐩𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐚𝐥 𝐜𝐚𝐬𝐭: this is like one of the ones i’ve had figured out for a while already...
odette & odile: tsumugi. i’m just saying, tsumugi’s duality- he can do both the white and black swan because he has power. impact.
prince daniel: not tasuku bc spare him the prince roles he’s sick of it. guy. why guy? because he obviously has a good idea of how to act like a prince :3 
rothbart: HOMARE! I WANT! THIS MAN! TO PLAY THE ANTOGONIST! GO OFF ABOUT DARK ARTS! TRANSFORM EVERYONE TO ANIMALS LIKE THE EXTRA BEING YOU ARE.
fairy queen: azuma. ugh just- imagining how ethereal he’d look.
erasmus: tasuku. he’s a troll that can act mean, but is genuinely kind and helpful... also, the VA of erasumus is also the VA for “unnamed burly villager” and i’m just saying-
kelly the cygnet: hisoka. there’s too many animal children, so hisoka is gonna be the baby swan. uwu. also, kelly has a quote, “I can't sleep.” and wOW THE IRONY
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𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐩𝐞: WE’RE GOING FOR THE COMEDIC ROUTE WHAT’S UP SUMMER. reason: i went “wait... no actor really looks super alike though.”
𝐩𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐚𝐥 𝐜𝐚𝐬𝐭: tafahfuoahoaf it’s my favourite barbie movie... OKAY SO THE RUNNING GAG OF THIS IS THAT THE PRINCESS & PAUPER DON’T LOOK ALIKE, BUT EVERYONE KEEPS GOING “Wow! you two look so identical!” no they don’t
anneliese: muku. first of all please look at the sprite i used in the header. anneliese = pink = muku. she’s the sweet princess archetype... but in this version she also goes on tangents about rocks and mineraLS AND HOW THE MINING INDUSTRY SUX AND THE ABSOLUTE AUDACITY OF-
erika: kumon. first of all, the sprite in the header again. erika = blue like ugh this is perfect. ALSO erika has a cat who BARKS and i just imagine kumon talking to her cat like: WOOF WOOF WOOF GRRR GRRR and the dog responding and everyone in the palace going wtf
king dominick: i had such a crush on him anyway he’s tenma. rich, young, talented king who disguises himself as a page so he can find love for realsies. im just saying. he won’t be tenma’s only role tho ><
julian: kazunari. the wiki went “he’s the only bestfriend a barbie MC ever married” really shook me like ugh friendship dynamic between muku and kazu roles??? also kazu’s genuinely smart so him as the tutor was just gucci in my eyes
preminger: misumi. FIRST OF ALL PREMINGER IS ICONIC? WHEN HE SANG HOW CAN I REFUSE I WAS LIKE UGH KING. i just wanna hear misumi play an antagonist that’s also funny and do things with his voice.
madame carp: yuki. a bossy and rich woman who owns a dress emporium. pretty much it.
nick & nack: YUKI AND TENMA. THEY WILL DOUBLE ROLE FOR THE SAKE OF BEING MISUMI’S DUMB UNDERLING DUO
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𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐩𝐞: spring troupe. i wanna see them have wings uwu.
𝐩𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐚𝐥 𝐜𝐚𝐬𝐭: just gonna combine the whole fairytopia series into one 
elina: itaru. first of all, pink motif. also i just like the idea of itaru being this recurring protagonist.
bibble the puffball played by kamekichi
laverna: recurring villain citron. for no reason other than i think it’s cool when he plays power hungry villains
enchantress: i just want sakuya to play a role that’s more of a “powerful character” but still really kind uwu. another recurring good guy.
azura & glee: tsuzuru. elina is azura’s apprentice, and glee is a friend who’s generally really happy... ngl, i wanna see tsuzuru play someone more energetic for funsies
nori: masumi. nori is kind of a stubborn and jealous person at first, him and elina won’t get along right away BUT DAMMIT THE ENEMIES? TO FRIENDS IS GUCCI!!! 
merman prince nalu & linden: chikage... yeah i just gave chikage the guy roles ngl... but i wanna see chikage as a handsome merman AND handsome fairy so *shrugs*
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𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐩𝐞: cross troupe. spring x winter.
𝐩𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐚𝐥 𝐜𝐚𝐬𝐭: partially based on the ice-skating cards (i have yet to read the event story, unfortunately).
annika: tsuzuru. i thought it’d be fun to cast tsuzuru as a more sheltered character due to annika’s parents’ protectiveness. the contrast y’all.
shiver: sakuya. shiver is a polar bear cub sidekick who’s friendly and likes shiny things and that’s just... really cute... put bear ears on sakuya...
brietta: guy. brietta is annika’s older sister... who got transformed into a pegasus by the villain... i wonder how they’d change the pegasus thing lol
wenlock: tasuku. NOT GONNA LIE- i want tasuku to play the villain for all these wonderful one-liners: "Oh, smile! You didn't lose a daughter; you've gained a pet!", and "I thank my lucky stars I didn't marry you!"
prince aidan: masumi bc i want more roomie interaction on stage i mean their friendship keeps getting cuter and cuter.
cloud queen: azuma... that’s all. i just remembered her bc her hair has a braided crown, and i went “azuma braided hair brainrot”
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𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐩𝐞: mixed troupe! summer x autumn.
𝐩𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐚𝐥 𝐜𝐚𝐬𝐭: i was gonna make it full autumn, but then the age casting felt awkward since they’re in high school...
barbie: taichi. barbie here is shy but wants to stop blending in the background! i just went “damn that do be resonating”. also i wanna hear taichi sing more y’all and barbie is a singer/guitarist here
courtney: azami. i like the idea of azami playing a spunky character who’s more of a tomboy, but still does like fashion and accessorising and... lip gloss?
tia: misumi? tenma? idk the intelligent and passionate archetype is very broad... especially in a high school setting
kevin: kazunari. just the whole best friend thing + kevin being a goofy person who loves to make ppl laugh ugh
racquelle: yuki. i know racquelle’s a bully here and say not to bullying... but sharp tongue.
todd: honestly? todd was so boring in the moving. we need someone like banri to give him CHARACTER!... yes that’s my reasoning ugh
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𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐩𝐞: sUMMER SUMMER SUMMER-
𝐩𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐚𝐥 𝐜𝐚𝐬𝐭: AHAHAHA WHAT IS THIS CASTING? MY REASONINGS FOR THIS ONE IN PARTICULAR ARE SO SHALLOW LMAO
ro/rosella: “a 16 year old girl who can talk to animals! adventurous and brave” me: *gasps* mISUMI-
prince antonio: “prince antonio loves travelling and exploring-” okay yeah it’s kazu...
queen ariana: i just want yuki to sing to me “love is for peasants which we’re obviously not” and i’d go :O also ngl... i wanna see yuki in like darker palettes and plotting to poison all the royals
princess luciana: queen ariana’s daughter... played by muku. because i wanna hear muku counter yuki with “all the shoujo mangas books i’ve read, all the poems always said, that the heart is made to share...”
sagi the red panda & azul the peacock: honestly, just basing it off of colour matching but tenma is sagi and kumon is azul lol
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𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐩𝐞: AUTUMN x SPRING
𝐩𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐚𝐥 𝐜𝐚𝐬𝐭: AHAHAHA WHAT IS THIS CASTING? pt 2 
corrine: i keep wanting to put sakuya in these roles oops. i just... let him sword fight on stage again :>
viveca: purple musketeer, artistic, designs clothes... fights with ribbons... you know, for the sake of banri being a fAshIoNisTa... it has to be banri y’all "Don't mess with the animal print dress!"
aramina: green musketeer, fights with fans, romantic and loves ballet... pfft, for the sake of “wouldn’t it be funny-” it has to be azami. poor bby, having to swoon over romance on stage- he can’t relate
renee: chikage. purely because of that scene where she threw a feather duster (?) at a flying shard of glass and perfectly hit it. yeah.
helene: the old and strict instructor that teaches them how to be musketeers... sakyo.. duh.
philippe: the main antagonist... it has to be omi again. and since philippe has a goatee, we’re bringing back facial hair omi~
prince louis: itaru, lol. he’s like the one significant non-action oriented character in the film. he has just enough moments where itaru still looks princely, but mostly? he just wants humans to fly y’all.
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want to order again?
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s1aiki · 3 years
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A little Story I wrote, Idk I kinda like it
(Day Three, Hour: 9 hours since the day started)
(Elle POV)
(First Person POV)
Running. It was always running. Why, why running, out of all things? Out of all the things that I could have had to do every day, why was it the thing I hated most of all, running? I’m not any good at running, so why did everyone else say that I would be the best one to run to the stores in town each day to try and find something that had survived 'it'. Obviously, nothing other than the people or things that were in the bunker survived, as expected, but everyone said that it would be good to check everyday for up to a month.
Whatever, I should probably be getting back now, I gotta make sure no one tries to kill each other. I still don’t understand why no one else made their own bunkers, maybe if there was another one we wouldn’t have to put people into the same building for maybe even up to a year with their bullies, or just people that they had a bad past with. No matter how I look at it, some people really are just dumb.
Sure, there are some people that I do enjoy being stuck with, like Nichole and Violet, but I feel like it’s kind of a waste to help people like Makenzie and Bella, who were just all in all jerks and bad people. They had bullied me and my friends all throughout middle and high school, and yet the second they learnt about the fact that ‘it’ would be happening, they came running over, begging to have a space in the bunker. Maybe if I learnt how to not be nice to every single person I meet, I could have turned them down, but of course, me being me, I just smiled and let them in. Luckily they were the last people, because I fear that if more people came to try and get in we wouldn’t have all fit in such a tight space.
Anyways, I better have not forgotten the password like last time, I’m almost back to the bunker. That was so embarrassing, having to call Liz to let me in. Liz is okay I guess, she’s not a bully like Makenzie or Bella, but me and her have never really been friends, but recently because of *certain* living situations, we’ve hung out quite a bit more, and she seems really.. Nice? No, that's not it... Cool? I guess she is pretty cool. And she always tells off people like Makenzie and Bella, so that also makes her cool I guess?
Whatever, I’m almost back, this is the road that leads to the bunker. I can’t even remember how many times I’ve walked down this road, whether it be on patrol, like recently, or building the bunker and taking breaks to go to the 7 11 down the road, to buy some drinks and cool off. The chashires there were pretty nice, but none of them lived in Brooke, they just came here to visit their families over breaks and needed a job to make a little bit of cash before they went back. I don;t blame them though, I’ve worked plenty of part time jobs to save up for things in the bunker, and other things. It’s nice having a bit of extra cash around the house, it makes sure you know you’re gonna be okay, and you have extra money in case something bad ever happens.
Alright, I’m back now. What was that passcode again... 4847045? Or 4857056? Wait no, it was 4747085.. Right? Ugh, I’m just gonna check. 4...7...5... (BEEP). Alright, next one. ..8..9...3...6.. (Click) alright, that's the right one then! Haha, and I even managed to keep it on tune with my playlist! My music always seems to be on time for weird things, like when the first sirens went off, my phone just randomly turned on and started playing one of my favorite playlists, as if to try and comfort me. I guess it’s kinda cool? Whatever-
Ugh, why is it so loud here? Right, this isn’t my house. This is the bunker, with about 37 people in here. I’m still not used to having so many people here, especially because I barely knew half of them, and were on bad-ish terms with about ¼ of them. What the heck are they even fighting over this time, someone taking someone's shoe? No one other than me, Liz, Miss Jackson, and Derrick and Gabrial have even gone outside, who cares about a shoe you aren’t gonna need for a few more months? Besides, they aren’t even that expensive anymore, you can just walk into a shop and take a pair of shoes from the stand. It literally costs you nothing.
“Hello Elle, welcome back!”
Ahh, Gracice. The youngest person here as far as I know, she’s about 6 years old? She lived with Miss Jackson for a while, but now they both live here, so we all are in charge of taking care of her. She’s a really sweet girl, and quite smart for her age, so I see no problem in keeping her here and raising her ourselves. She doesn’t really understand what happened, so she’s a good person to talk to when you just need an escape from this reality. She loves showing everyone her drawings of them, and for some reason always has candy and flowers, even though she hasn’t been outside in about four, almost five days now? Who really knows at this point, I’m just tired.
“Hello Gracie, how are you today?”
I suppose it is only right to talk to her if she starts a conversation, she’s a nice kid, and she doesn’t know that all I want is to get in bed and sleep until the world goes back to normal, or as normal as it can be after everything that has happened recently. It’s not her fault, she's not a mind reader, and she’s still a little kid, so she doesn’t really understand why everyone is so aggravated recently. I swear, some people look at each other like they want to tear them apart recently.
“I’m doing really good! I Made a drawing of me and Mommy, and I made some cookies with Nikki and Becca! They tasted really good! What did you do outside today Elle?”
Cookies? When did they get the ingredients to make cookies? Whatever, that kid is magic, I swear. No matter how long she’s been inside, she still looks like she's been playing in the sun all day, and always has random things that I have no idea how she got or where she found, and whenever I ask she just says that she found them. Like, a few days ago she came up to me and just handed me a fresh tulip. I asked her where she had gotten it, because we don’t have Tulips in the indoor garden, and she just said that she found it. It’s kind of scary, but the kid never found anything bad, she just found cute little kid things, like crayons and paper, flowers, and food. It is still kind of scary, but she’s super sweet and uses everything she finds as gifts for everyone else.
“I just did the usual, check for cool things and people, walk around town to try and find useful things that I could bring back to everyone”
Eh, I guess it’s best to just tell her the truth, she’s gonna have to find out sooner rather than latter, so I think it’s best to learn about everything happening outside slowly, and not just say ‘oh yeah, someone tried to blow us all up so now we’re living down here and might be for the rest of our lives, yes even your life six year old child’.. There’s just something about that that seems a bit- intense. Especially for a six year old, who has almost no idea of what the world is like outside from their school and house, and obviously would be terrified by this.
“Ooo, didya find anything cool? Like a crystal? Or some toys? If you ever find some cool toys while you’re out on your cool scout-y missions, could you give them to me? We don’t have much here, so it would be really fun to have something to do again!”
I mean, what did she think I was going to do if I found some random toys while scouting, just find them and be like ‘oh look, some cool toys! I should keep these for 22 year old me, and not give them to the six year old that lives with me. Perfect idea!’. No, of course not. If I found toys I would give them to the little kids that live with me, because even if they are slightly traumatized by seeing some of their family get blown up by the government, They still need some sort of childhood that isn’t completely a sob story to tell all the little kids when they are (or if they make it to becoming) an old person.
“No, sadly I didn’t find any cool things on this trip. If I did, I promise I would give them to you and the other kids as soon as I got back though, I promise!”
I wonder if there are cool kids toys or rocks and stuff that I could find while scouting. So far most things had either been burned or hidden, so it would be hard to find something that wasn’t burnt to a crisp that was still in nice condition to play with. Whatever, I’m not lying though. If I find something like that, I will give it to the kids that live here, they just kinda deserved it a bit more than 22-year old me. I hope I can find something worth giving soon, she asks me the same question every day, she must miss her old stuff. I don’t blame her though, I miss my house and my stuff too, but now we just have to adapt to living like this, in a bunker, with about 34 other people.
“Awh, alright then. C’ya later Elle!”
Alright, I wonder what everyone else is doing. I can hear them from all the way up here, so I bet at least three people are fighting, and if my ears aren’t completely broken, it's probably Hanna, Fiona, and Jacobe. For some reason Jake, as some of us have come to call Jacobe, and the girls have daily fights about the stupidest stuff, and then just forget about it in the next few minutes, and then the cycle repeats about three-six times a day. It can be really annoying, but it is what it is, and you just kinda get used to it after spending so much time around the two of them. Sure, I’m not saying that it's fun to deal with, but after a while it just becomes background noise. Whatever, I should head downstairs to everyone else now, if I don’t wanna miss lunch.
I can’t believe I let all these people into my house, but I got myself into what I got myself into, so it is what it is. Can’t wait for another day...
Day One: The Bunker - Part One: Hello... Completed
(Alright so this is a Picrew I made, but this just kinda shows what Elle looks like lol)
📷
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Writing prompt: rival teams, Engineer finds the enemy Medic injured and waiting for recovery, instead of going for the killing blow he lets him wait for the respawning medikit and pretends to have not seen him
tweaked this one just a little, hope that's ok! might post this on ao3 later, i actually ended up liking it more than i though i would :0
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Stalemate
A moment of fear. A chance untaken. Just your normal, everyday(ish) encounter in the Badlands.
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A chorus of bullets and rockets rang through the air as one RED Engineer wiped the sweat from his brow with his one free hand.
It'd been a rough day. Another case of RED and BLU ping ponging between capturing the same point, neither having managed to capture all 5 for least 3 hours, much to Everyone's dismay. Engie himself had had his entire nest blown up twice, mowed down by an ubercharged Heavy once, and had gone through respawn at least 7 different times.
Needless to say, it hadn't been ideal, and getting a level 3 sentry up with no dispenser at his disposal was no easy feat. (It'd gotten smashed up as soon as he started setting up the sentry. Go figure.)
But enough mulling over the past. The present was now, and presently? BLU was still frantically trying to make their 5th repush for control point #3 and he didn't want to make it any easier for them.
He scanned the battlefield for a certain friendly face, attention grabbed by a muffled, triumphant yell and the faint smell of kerosene.
"Hey, Py, you got a moment?" He called out to them, the arsonist in question turning their head when they'd heard their name.
Upon seeing Engie, they gleefully trotted over, slinging their flamethrower over their back in favor for their shotgun.
"Mrr, hurr uhr?"
"I'm outta metal and I need a dispenser but I don't wanna leave the ol' girl out here by herself. Think you could cover her for me for a few minutes?" He grinned apologetically, lightly tapping his sentry a few times with his wrench as it proceeded to murder BLU's own Pyro in cold blood. They gave him a thumbs up
"Hhur, urr hurrf!"
"Much appreciated, buddy. I'll be back as quick as I can!" He yelled out over his shoulder as he started jogging toward where he was vaguely sure the closest (and biggest) ammo box was, wrench still in hand as he made his way up the creaky wooden steps and into the barren, wooden shed.
"Ammo, ammo... where on Earth is that damn box..." Engie frowned to himself, hoping that this building even HAD an ammo box and didn't just have like... a giant health kit in it.
Yes, he knows he should've memorized where resupply points were by now, but give him a break, they'd all been fighting in the blazing New Mexico sun for hours with no end in sight. Everyone was getting pretty frazzled at that point.
He was honestly getting ready to just give up and go looking for another one, not wanting to keep Pyro waiting for too long. RED still had a fight to win, after all, and they needed as many people bullying BLU for their control points as they could get.
That is.. until he heard a startled gasp as he stepped into the last room in the building. Panic rose in him as he put his hand over his pistol, turning his back to the wall to see... a rather injured BLU Medic.
Ok, 'rather' was a bit LOT of an understatement. From what he could tell, the Medic in question had some rather nasty looking gashes in his right arm and abdomen, as well as several different bruises and cuts that implied he'd been in a pretty brutal fight. There was literally no way he had more than say... 20 health points, give or take.
And he seemed to be in the middle of (attempting) to patch himself up just as Engie had entered the room, frantically reaching over for his Crossbow and color draining from his face as he aimed it at his newfound enemy. Engie braced himself for the incoming syringe, putting his gloved hand in front of his face as some sort of shield when...
Click. Click. Click...
"...Seiße."
Engie turned back around in time to see him close his eyes and let out a wheeze of defeat, slumping against the wall behind him as both his arms dropped to the floor.
"Please, just... make it quick," He croaked, more blood dribbling out of the side of his mouth and onto his already sullied coat.
A bullet to the head and all of this would've been over. A solid wack with his wrench would've done the same job. Hell, he was pretty sure he could shoot the wall NEXT to this man and he'd just about keel over.
But something about seeing BLU's Medic so... defeated, so vulnerable, made something in him... hesitate.
So he left. Just plain hightailed it out of there, leaving a completely confused enemy healer in his wake.
By the time he was able to find a full box of ammo, he could feel his heart about to beat out of his chest. Whether that was out of fear, adrenaline, or something... else, he couldn't say.
When Pyro saw him returning, they'd waved to him, the Homewrecker in hand and a broken sapper at their feet.
"Hrr! Hurr huuf hur ffo mrrg?"
"Oh uh.. I got a little lost. All this sun is makin' my head spin. Sorry Py, I didn't mean to keep you," He chuckled sheepishly. He could feel them raising an eyebrow at him through their gas mask but they shrugged it off, getting their flamethrower out again.
"Drr hur frrr mrrd mrr?"
"Naw, you're free to go bud. Thanks again for your help!" Engie grinned, Pyro giving another thumbs up before turning and charging into the fray.
As Engie opened up his tool box and started getting his dispenser up, he couldn't help but start thinking about his... encounter with BLU Medic again, pausing only to shoot his pistol at a Scout that had somehow managed to evade his sentry's range of fire.
He couldn't remember a time he'd hesitated like that before. Even when he was first starting out, he knew his job included a rather hard and fast "shoot people first, ask questions later" guideline, it really wasn't like him to not take such an easy kill.
'It was just wanting to get back to Pyro before things got ugly,' he thought to himself. 'Wasn't good to ask a teammate for a favor and make them wait for you when they could be out causing havoc, after all.'
But deep down, he couldn't help but think it was more than that, which was a terrifying thought in and of itself.
So he pushed it aside, focusing on keeping his wits about him and his machines up and running. And if he paused every once in a while to see if he could spot a bloody blue lab coat and tousled hair curl in the sea of bullets and gunpowder before him?...
...well that wasn't anything anyone else needed to know about.
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icarus-suraki · 3 years
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If you're still doing them 72, 121, 136 :D
Suuuuure, and I'm feeling down, so...
72. What colour are your towels? Blue. Technically. I have a couple of light blue towels that I got...longer ago than I realized until just now lol...and they're technically "my towels" but I supplemented my supply with a couple of very old and slightly tattered towels that I snagged from the linen closet at my parents' house that actually, like, absorb water? Where the blue ones won't (yet, at least). I supplemented those with a couple of cheap white towels because I had some sweaters that were supposed to be dried flat. I don't have the sweaters anymore but I do have the towels and I throw them in the dryer sometimes to help a load along. And then I got a couple of dark brown ones for cheap because I was messing around with henna hair dye and I didn't want to stain my other towels. Oh, and I think I got a dark blue towel for Christmas one year, but see above re: light blue towels that don't absorb any water and are just rude like that. Hopefully these inferior ones will improve with washing. Also my bathmat is yellow. Because that's what someone gave me, I think. I'm not very aesthetic, I guess. I'm just functional.
121. Are you mean? If you asked my "Mean Girl" classmates in high school they would definitely say yes. My college classmates would probably say yes. Given how I would argue with my parents and the things I’d say to them, they’d say yes. And if you ask me, I'd say yes too.
I mean, I'm snappish and angry and depressed and impatient and "bellicose." I'm bitchy and a bitch and sometimes a super bitch and sometimes a Super King Kong Mega Mega Biatch. People irritate me. I'm a snob. I'm grumpy and crabby. I used to be fucking anxious all the time, which didn't help, though now I'm not really anxious at all so I have a hard time giving a fuck about anything. I'm way too quick with cutting remarks and takedowns and shit. I'm always thinking I'm the smartest person in the room or at least being a giant snob.
Yeah, I mean, looking back on me in middle school, even the latter part of elementary school, even earlier than that--like, I was 2 and a half and tormenting my baby brother or fighting over dress-up stuff in 4 year-old preschool. Girls in my classes in high school were always like "Why can't you just be nice?" And I was like, tch, what does "nice" mean, anyway? And they'd say "It means not mean!" And I hated them because I thought they were shallow but also because they got way more positive attention that I ever did. They had people who liked them and boyfriends and nice things. I didn't have any of that and I knew I never would, so I wasn't left with much. I always wanted to be the smartest person in the room but I never was. I was just a snob, so I ended up covering it up by being a fucking asshole. I think I would have counted as a bully on a few occasions. I wanted people to like me, but that shit wasn't going to happen. I ended up with a couple of friends, not that that was always pleasant. I started shit with them a lot, probably out of envy.
College, I was always trying to bring on the sharp comments and starting arguments for the sake of starting arguments (I still think I'm right on a lot of what I said). I was made the editor of the school literary magazine by default, which was a fiasco, and I was bitchy about all the submitted works. I had basically no friends because I hated the people I thought I was supposed to spend time around despite our being complete opposites from art to politics to religion.
"Ha ha, I got so wasted in college all the time! What was college like for you?" Well, I was a sarcastic little shit in my literature classes and full of myself because I got to skip Freshman 111 English, but I mostly remember being woken up at 2 in the morning because my roommate needed her bible and concordances because one of our hallmates believed in predestination and my roommate disagreed.
And then I can look at how unbelievably shitty I was to so. fucking. many. people. from about c. 2007 to c. 2014, at least (probably more like 2016 or 2017) when I was involved in first Livejournal-based multifandom RP and later Dreamwidth-based multifandom RP. Like I was, in popular parlance, "a fucking psycho." I would fight with anyone about anything. How the fuck anyone put up with me I do not know. Ev.er.y.thing pissed me off and yet I couldn't walk away. It's literally been the closest I've ever come to an addiction because the very thought of leaving upset me, and let's not even get started about my constant fear of my games closing or just dying. I needed my RP fix. I needed it! But needing it like that made me an absolute shitheel. People who knew me both in person and online at that time can probably vouch for how shitty I was at the time. There's a huge number of people I would like to apologize to--not so they can forgive me or anything, but just so they can hear that I'm sorry. Won't get that chance, I don't think.
And that overlapped with retail hell and graduate school. Retail hell will make anyone mean. Graduate school was first boring and then frustrating because I was definitely not among the smart set there. I mean, I got my MLS, though I'm not using it anymore lmao.
Hell, even applying for jobs after graduating, I was given feedback that I have a reputation for being "grumpy and huffy" with patrons in the library. So fuck me, I guess. I got a library job where, if the library system sat down, that library would be immediately plunged into total darkness. The "red-headed stepchild" if you will. And that was like retail hell with less cash. Was I mean? Sure, I guess, because I got called to the manager's office more than a couple of times--once because I got tired of a creepy dude talking to me, so I brushed him off to go on my lunchbreak, and he told the managers and I got in major trouble for being "dismissive" of this guy. So then I wound up standing there from 5:15 (when my shift ended) until 7:30 while this guy talked at me and told me shit like "never cut your hair because it's such a beautiful color" or tried to figure out what color my eyes are and creepy stuff like that. And all because I just didn't want to get fucking fired. Nice, huh?
I'm meaner externally now than I used to be. I'm putting that down to a lack of anxiety again. I used to be totally unable to contain my frustration and irritability with other people. Then I got to be afraid of what someone would say or do to me if I was irritable at them. And now I'm just like "fuck it, we're all going to die, climate change is real, why do I have to play by these rules?" I mean, in a hundred years, everyone I know will be dead. Whomst cares?
So am I mean? Fuck YES I'm mean. And I have been for most of my life.
136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? O P E N and they must also be pushed ALL. THE. WAY. OPEN. Because of Boo Radley. "What?" I hear you cry. Here, I’ll let Scout explain.
Ever since seeing that scene in about 8th grade, I have had to push my door all the way open so far that the door is touching the wall just so no one is hiding behind it. Boo Radley is a sweetheart, so I don't want to vilify him and I actually feel bad about my whole response now, but I'm just not keen on having anyone standing behind a half-open door.
"And this is what you remember from To Kill a Mockingbird?" No, I remember plenty of it and I'll quote the opening passages with my mom in about late June when it's really hot and if you're from around here then you just about know all the characters personally, but I was briefly terrified by poor Boo hiding there--which says a lot about how people saw him, or didn't see him. It's actually a brilliant reveal, even if it did kind of unnerve me at age 13. (And now I watch horror movies like they're nothing lmao.)
Doors shut just feels kind of stifling to me. That's an easy answer.
You can ask the bitch who owns this blog stuff if you want.
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okay need to Fear™ for a minute
okay so we all know that isolating has been shit and terrible for everybody’s mental health.
But uh. I’ve always been isolating. My life literally hasn’t changed since 2020 hit (apart from wearing masks when I do have to go out.) I have literally been isolating since I was like 7 years old and. I’ve really been thinking about this.
I went to school up till 2nd grade, then got bullied so horrifically (like. injured) that my Mum pulled me out to homeschool me bc I refused to go back.
But because I was homeschooled, I had no interaction with anyone. My parents tried to enrol me in cool kids groups and art classes and shit. Joined the Girl Scouts at one point and loathed it with my whole being and actively tried to get kicked out (while not being mean to anyone bc I was a gremlin but I wasn’t MEAN.)
I need you to understand, I didn’t have social anxiety at this point. I had 0 fear or nervousness when talking to people, in fact I was the opposite, I had manners but if somebody annoyed me I’d give ‘em what for. I hated people with the entire force of hell. I thought they were annoying and stupid and I hated, hated having to interact with anyone other than my immediate family. To the point where I’d literally lock myself in the bathroom and Yell when my parents tried to take me to a big social gathering.
So I did interact with people, but only a tiny bit. I never had friends. Never spoke to anyone my own age unless I was forced to for an interaction. I didn’t go to school so I didn’t get exposure that way. My parents eventually gave up trying to force me to hang out with people because it was like pulling teeth and I’d hate them for it and generally Be Miserable.
Last year was literally the year I made a resume, started thinking about doing a TAFE course maybe, started seriously thinking about getting a job or doing other things to meet people, but then covid hit.
Now I’m thinking wow. Maybe literally isolating myself my whole life has. really fucked up my mental health?? like wow I never hung out with practically anyone, especially not people my age. Did that affect my brain, how I think of things, my personality, everything?? Am I like. stunted in a way?? How impactful is human interaction to a child??? I’m socially fine, I know how to fuckin talk to people and interact and everything, nothing like that’s affected, the only things I struggle with are the usual Young Adult Who Has Never Gotten A Job Before Oh My God What Do I Do Where Do I Start???.
But still. I think about it a lot. If self-isolating has affected everybody, including me this badly, how badly am I fucked up for doing it my entire life?
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thirstdrafts · 4 years
Text
The wind has blown me elsewhere.
I’m gonna open up here. This is me at me rawest.
Just get it out there. Because I’m ready to just let this shit go. I can’t let it touch me anymore.
I was born poor. My father is full blooded Puerto Rican and he left when I was 2. He’d come around sometimes. Eventually he had the son he wanted and I was made to realize he never asked for a daughter. I spent years in fragments (when I could find him) trying to get him to love me. On my 16th birthday he told me he hated my mother and I reminded him of her. He said that he thought both of us would be better off if I never existed. All of this because I didn’t want to be part of their court case. I tried with him one more time when I was 21 and he stood me up. I promised he would never make me cry again. I’ll never look for him again.
My mother is a trouble maker. An alcoholic. Did drugs. Party girl. She’s not alone her siblings are too. She likes to fight to prove how tough she is. She has borderline personality disorder and is manipulative. I Iove her, regardless of how often she hurts me. She’s the reason I know how to lock doors with knives. And idk how many times there were weird people in our house because she passed out drunk partying. she almost drove us off a pier when I was a kid and then attacked me for being upset. She’s threatened to kill me and herself and I’ve had to have her committed into the ward. Asking cops to understand the she was mentally unstable but generally a nice person. She tries to make me feel bad for distancing myself by telling me that I am dead to her or she’s numb to me. It’s part of her disorder. I know that but it still hurts. I got tired of the drama... the lying and deception... the mind games. So I left and I see her sometimes but she is too much for me. She’s on a lot of meds, a breathing machine, and doesn’t drink these days. But a large piece of her is gone. She doesn’t understand things she should. But my mother is nice. Just makes dumb decisions. I love her.
I was the weird kid and no one liked me. I went to a lot of different schools and sometimes I had no friends. In one school my only friends were an autistic girl and two mutes. I was 7 but I still remember them. The only people who accepted me. I went goth in middle school. The emo and goths didn’t want me. Or the nerds. Or like anyone. I found a tribe of misfits. Most of us drifted or became different people as adults.
I was told numerous times in middle and high school by adults I adored the I would drop out because I was stupid. That I’d get pregnant because I am Puerto Rican and that meant if I stared at a man too long I’d get pregnant due to my lust and high fertility. That I would become my mother. Family rejected me. Kids bullied me and told me to kill myself. One girl hit my in the head with a rock the size of a fist. She was a softball pitcher I believe. Boys hit me with text books and shoved me.
I got violent back. Became a bitch. Was angry and it only took me until I was a junior on high school to get that way. But then a year after I graduated I realized that I was becoming what I hated and I needed to stop. But I was still sad.
My art professors in University didn’t understand my art. The one thing I felt I was ever good at... I was told I was not an artist so many times. I stopped loving art. I hurt. I graduated with honors! I slowly stopped doing art. I got a job in a cubicle. I started dying inside. I told myself it was the best I could do until they realized I was shit and got rid of me. I burried myself in Mortal Kombat feed but never played because I never felt good anymore. I did story mode and resumed laying on the couch staring at the floor for hours. I wrote head cannons and it was the only thing I enjoyed then. Because I didn’t have to be with myself. I was in a totally different world that I’d known since i was in k5 and I loved it and I didn’t exist there to fuck it up. People liked my posts. I felt better for a few seconds each time. Then the ban list was leaked and I was on it. Rejected again. Not accepted again. Because age gaps don’t really bother me. (Btw my spouse and are 15 years different. They are amazing and caring and the most stable relationship I’ve ever been in. ) I started getting in my head about what I was writing. I didn’t want to compromise myself. I also didn’t want to upset people. And apparently I was upsetting! I became afraid to post headcannons to the point I hated writing them.
Now, 4 months on Prozac, going to individual and group therapy, and living in reading mental health books and blogs. I’m constantly getting better. My self talk is improving. The ocd still is there as is the anxiety. The depression is handled well most of the time. The shaking from nerves is better. Writing is hard... but I’ve been reading a lot and drawing A LOT. I’ve enrolled in an online course in surface design. I’m starting to try and get a career direction. I’m eating healthier (my niece’sGirl Scout cookies are pure delicious evil though!)
I still love the mortal Kombat community here. And I still obsessed with mortal Kombat! But I have to get better and MK is a very comfortable blanket for me to hide away from my life under. I need to take control if I will ever get anywhere.
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cherry-valentine · 4 years
Text
Fall 2019 Anime Season
Here’s what I’m watching:
Stand: My Heroes is an otome series that’s pretty and refreshing in that it stars an adult lady protagonist who has a career - she works as a “scout” for a new program that works to gather talented individuals (all handsome single men, of course) from various fields to solve drug-related cases. The art is nice and the music is above average, with really cool opening and ending themes. My biggest issue with the show is that it has way too many characters, many of whom look very similar. Honestly, for the first few episodes I could only tell some of them apart by their voice actors. Luckily the show has some very well known voice talent. It gets a bit easier as the show becomes a little more episodic, dealing with small groups of the men at a time. But still. If all of these guys were in the game, it must have been hell trying to get all the endings! The overall plot is a little vague but I do like that the heroine is independent and respected by the men on her team. There are a couple of the usual tsundere guys but they mellow out pretty quickly. The show is interesting and attractive to look at, but it would have benefited a lot from narrowing its focus and cutting down on the number of hot guys (now that’s something I never thought I’d type).
Ahiru no Sora is a new sports anime about basketball. It actually follows a similar plot setup to Hinomaru Sumo - a talented player starts at a new school and goes to join the club of his favored sport, only to find it overrun by violent delinquents whom he’ll have to defeat (via his sports skills) in order to officially join the club and start a team. The protagonists even share the same problem of being considered way too short to participate in the sport they love and also the fact that their ill mothers gave them encouragement. The biggest difference, however, is that Hinomaru was already a very accomplished and even somewhat famous sumo wrestler when the series begins, whereas Sora is talented but has never even played in a real basketball game, making him very much an underdog. He’s a likable character, as are the delinquents that gradually come around to playing basketball with him and cleaning up their acts. I was a little annoyed by the fact that there is a peephole the guys use to watch the girls changing into their uniforms. Not by the fact that it existed, because it’s actually kinda realistic that delinquent teenage boys would do something like that, but by the fact that Sora is shown this peephole in the first episode and is never seen doing anything to close it up despite becoming friends with one of the girls and him being presented as a moral, upstanding guy. I hope they address it in the future because it kinda bugs me. On the plus side, the main female character (there’s always one in any sports anime) is a very talented player on the girls’ basketball team, rather than the team manager or whatever. I like that she’s a player of the sport rather than just a fan or support character. Also, the fact that Sora’s main source of inspiration is his mom, who was a famous basketball player herself in her youth, is pretty cool. Overall, the show is enjoyable even if it feels a little overly familiar.
Hoshiai no Sora is a revelation. It feels like a very important moment for anime that will no doubt be talked about for years into the future. Be warned that I venture into possible spoilers territory here, though I don’t share any plot details. I started the series because I saw boys holding tennis rackets in the artwork, fully expecting “just another sports anime” (which is fine, because I love sports anime). What I got was a very big, very nice surprise. Hoshiai no Sora is a sports anime, in that it follows a sports team and spends some time showing training routines and matches with rival schools. But it’s also a realistic, nuanced, heartwarming, and often painfully traumatic coming of age story about the boys on the tennis team, most of whom have compelling back stories or home lives.  Almost every parent in the show is an absolute nightmare, to the point that when a non-terrible parent shows up, every commenter on the episode was immediately suspicious of them. It should be clear by now that there are some massive trigger warnings to apply to this show. There are rather graphic depictions of child abuse, from physical to verbal to emotional, and all of it is horrifying (and kudos to the show for recognizing that there are so many different forms of abuse and all of them are traumatic). Thankfully, the show is not all doom and gloom. In fact, the show is one of the sweetest, most uplifting, most touching series I’ve seen in years, mostly due to the fact that these traumatized kids are all so supportive of each other. They’re kind to each other, even if they bicker here and there about silly stuff. They defend each other from bullies. One character in particular goes to some rather extreme lengths to look out for his friend. It’s also very important to note that the show tackles issues I’ve legitimately never seen addressed in anime, at least not in such a respectful and tasteful way. One character in particular is first presented as gay (and it seems all the other characters are aware that this person is gay, and the tennis team will NOT be having your homophobic bullshit, thank you very much) but then is revealed to be non-binary/questioning their gender, and the show seriously spends almost an entire episode talking about this, about gender identity, with one character relating the story of the transgender man who practically raised him. An anime series actually, seriously, discussed these issues. As a straight, cisgender person, I can’t speak for how accurate all of this was, but judging by the reaction to the episode by folks in the LGBTQ+ community, I’m willing to assume the show did a great job. I’m also willing to bet that somewhere in Japan, there are young people watching this that desperately need to see it, that desperately need to hear the positive messages presented (protagonist Maki kindly gives encouragement and support to his non-binary friend, and at times it feels like he’s speaking to the audience). I know some of this stuff would be considered spoilers, but honestly, I feel like more people would give this anime a shot if they knew it featured all this awesomeness. The art is lovely. The music is great. This is a series that needs to be watched by as many people as possible. Don’t sleep on this one, please.
Boku no Hero Academia Season 4 is more of the same. I’ve already talked several times now about my issues with the series (how female characters are handled in general pretty much sums most of it up) and I’ve already talked about how much I enjoy the show despite those issues. This season introduces an interesting and imposing new villain in Chiaki, who has a cool design and power. I’m also pleased that the show seems to be making an attempt to actually let the female characters DO STUFF, as well as introducing some cool new lady heroes who actually have interesting powers. So... yeah. A good show got better. Special mention goes to new character Sir Nighteye, who is a perfect example of how voice casting can really make or break a character. I would have found him pretty boring if he wasn’t voiced by the supremely talented Shinichirou Miki, who brings all his various characters to life in such a vivid way, I’ve never come across one I didn’t like.
Special 7 falls into the “urban fantasy” genre, the kind we see a lot of in anime lately, with supernatural elements mixed in with modern life. In this case, we have races like elves and vampires living peacefully alongside humans in the modern world. The story follows a certain police unit made up of various fantasy races and humans formed to deal with a terrorist group called Nine who aim to bring back dragons (something about dragons used to rule the world or maybe terrorized the world, I don’t remember). There’s a nice mix of characters in the core team, many of whom will feel familiar. They’re still fun though, and their chemistry as a team and as friends is one of the main reasons to watch. I’m particularly fond of the vampire lady named Shikisai who uses a samurai sword and is, from what I can tell, the most physically badass member of the team. She also appears to have an adorably sweet home life with her husband (or boyfriend?) and is just generally a cool chick. The animation is okay and the music is above average. The plot has several mysteries that are slowly being revealed, but has enough humor to keep from getting too serious. Fairly low on my watch list, but still has a solid spot.
Psycho-Pass Season 3 is a show I was looking forward to. I still think season one was one of the best anime seasons in the past ten years. Season two was good but couldn’t really contend with season one. The movie was great. The OVA’s were great. I was pretty hyped for season three, and so far... eh. It’s okay. Honestly if it were a new show I’d probably rate it much higher, but as a continuation of a story like this, I’m finding it a bit lacking. At times it actually does feel like a new show. There are two entirely new protagonists, who are both interesting and likable, but neither immediately gripped me the way Akane and Kogami did in previous seasons. Some elements of the show seem to contradict, or at least stretch, the world-building that had already been established. New protagonist Arata has an ability that verges on supernatural (in a show that has never had supernatural elements at all). They try to explain it away as something “anyone can do” with enough practice, but that sounds ridiculous when you see his ability in use. We also see “abandoned” areas where there are apparently criminal groups just... living there. Doing whatever. I guess they’re supposed to be like Yakuza, which makes zero sense in this series. If you can escape the oppression of the Sibyl System by just walking across town to an abandoned area, why did a character in season one have to flee the country? It just seems to fly in the face of all the setup that came before. Overall, this season has a general feel that doesn’t gel well with the rest of the series. That being said, taken on its own, it’s still entertaining, with high production values that afford it smooth animation and excellent music. The stories so far have been fairly engaging, but they give off a vibe of “really well done fanfiction”. But whatever, I’d watch paint dry to get an occasional glimpse of Kogami.
Carry Over Shows From Previous Seasons: Black Clover Diamond no Ace Dr. Stone
Best of Season: Best New Show: Hoshiai no Sora Best Opening Theme: Black Clover Best Ending Theme: Diamond no Ace Best New Male Character: Toma (Hoshiai no Sora) Best New Female Character: Shikisai (Special 7)
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jumblekinz · 4 years
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Allie’s Webkinz Pets
I realized I don’t have an updated list of my kinz... so here they are, in the order they were adopted, complete with their ages, their species, and a short little blurb about them! I’ll reblog this with new pets when I adopt, too! :)
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Kaily - Adopted 12/22/07, Kaily is my first and oldest Webkinz! She’s a gorilla who is around 18 years old, and she’s very quiet and rarely talks. She’s definitely a gentle giant - she’s very strong and athletic (and has the report card to show it!) but she handles her strength gracefully. She cares for all of her siblings and dotes on her friends - if you ever need a shoulder to cry on or someone to hang out with, Kaily’s your girl!
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Bo-Bo - Adopted on 12/26/08, Bo-Bo is a monkey with an attitude! I imagine her around 12 years old. She loves to party and can almost always be found at the beach. She’s a smart girl but tends to neglect her studies in order to cook and joke around. Monkey & Monkey and Chef Gazpacho are her heroes, and some day she wants to have a comedy cooking show.
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Darby - Darby is a lil’ kinz white mouse adopted on 12/26/09. She’s around 10 years old and prides herself on her sense of fashion - she’ll design outfits for all her siblings and all her friends, and loves to dress up! She’s very smart, too, and loves to read, but sometimes has trouble in her classes because they’re so advanced. She’s also a vegetarian! 
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Starbucks - Starbucks is a honey hamster adopted on 9/29/10. She’s 16 years old, a trans girl, and an absolute handful. She’s sassy and bold and always speaks her mind and stands up for her siblings - in fact, Star once got suspended from the Kinzville Academy for beating up on a bully. Star is very picky about her clothes, insisting that they have to reflect her personality. Star is usually holed up in her room, which is a little disorganized and cramped because she’s a bit of a pack rat. Star is really good at styling hair and doing makeup, and likes to gossip with her sisters Cappachino and Scout.
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Cappachino - A mocha pup adopted on 7/12/11, Cappachino tends to just go by Cap or Cappy because she’s a little embarrassed her name is spelled wrong (that’s my fault - sorry Cap ^^;). She’s 16 and is the jack-of-all-trades of the family - cooking, drawing, spelling, modeling, running, you name it, Cap can do it! Mostly though, Cap likes to design her siblings’ rooms and model outfits that Darby puts together. Like Kaily, Cap tends to care a lot about her siblings and often plans parties and playdates for them. Cap loves to meet new people and make new friends; she’s really friendly and outgoing and loves to spend time in the clubhouse. 
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Sarah - Sarah is a glam gorilla adopted on 12/22/12. She’s 8 years old and loves arts and crafts - if it has glue, construction paper, paint, fabric, fun foam, or felt, you can always count her in! She’s very close to Sakura and tends to look after her. Sarah likes to sing, too - karaoke is a favorite activity of hers and if she doesn’t know the words to a song she’ll make them up, and she always makes them silly! Sarah is happy-go-lucky and tends to find fun in everything, from jumping in puddles on a rainy day to blowing bubbles in chocolate milk.
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Scout - Scout is a 15-year-old lil’ kinz golden retriever adopted on 6/22/14. Like her sister Cap, she has a tendency to vibe with everyone and gets along with people easily. She’s trans and tends to hang with Starbucks a lot, the two are super spunky and don’t let anything bother them! Scout loves trading, you can find her in the clubhouse a lot! She’s also taking classes in strength, speed, and agility at the Kinzville Academy - she wants to be strong to protect her little siblings, start running track, and explore in the Adventure Park. Scout is a bit of a tomboy but she always wears skirts, and she loves trying on new clothes! Scout is also blind as a bat without her glasses, and has to always wear them.
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Absolem - Adopted on 8/22/15, Absolem is a 15-year-old caterpillar. You’ll almost never find him inside; he loves to camp, canoe, and hike in the great outdoors. He’s very close to Rudy and the two are usually hanging out together. Absolem is also a foodie who loooooves to eat - sometimes he even eats Bo-Bo’s dishes before they’re done! Absolem is happy-go-lucky and tends not to worry much about anything, and he wants to learn to play the guitar and get better at checkers because Rudy always wins!
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Rudy - Rudy is a 14-year-old tartan terrier adopted on 10/2/16. He’s Absolem’s partner in crime; the two are very close despite their differences - while Absolem likes to explore outside, Rudy can’t stand the outdoors. He’s a bookworm who loves to read, and wants to build a library someday. He often reads to his younger siblings, and if he doesn’t know something, he’ll research the topic until he finds the answers he’s looking for. Rudy spends a lot of his time with Absolem reading, making puzzles, and playing board games like checkers, Zingoz Switcharoos, and Farming Frenzy.
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Sakura - Sakura is a 7 year old berry cheeky monkey adopted on 10/1/17. She’s very shy and wouldn’t even look at the camera when I photographed her! She’s autistic and doesn’t like loud noises and tends to chew on things (hence the pacifier). She’s very close to Sarah and the two often make crafts together. Sakura is very active and loves to hang out at the playground climbing the jungle gym, bouncing on trampolines, and going down slides. She tends to stick with her older siblings, and they like to read with her and dance with her.
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Suki - Suki is a black poodle adopted on 7/8/18. She’s 12 but insists she’s “practically a teenager.” Like Absolem, she loves the outdoors - Suki loves gathering flowers, tending to her garden, and observing pretty plants. Suki spends a lot of time in the Charm Forest and exploring Zumwhere - she definitely believes in magic and is working hard to collect stars for Alyssa and Nafaria. She has a pet zum that she dotes on, and she loves to grow farm fresh food for Bo-Bo and Mitzy to cook with!
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Mitzy - Mitzy is a 10 year old snowy retriever adopted on 12/26/18. I don’t know much about her yet, but I know she holds fast to her snowy retriever heritage - she loves winter, snow, cold weather, Christmas, and even other winter holidays like Hanukkah and Kwanzaa! She loves to cook but only ever makes sweets like cookies, cakes, and cupcakes. She loves hosting tea parties for her younger siblings, and someday she wants to visit sick kinz in the hospital so she can cheer them up and host parties for them!
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Quigley - Quigley is a cockapoo adopted on 7/7/19. At 7 years old, he is an absolute baby and his siblings sometimes pick on him for being so little, which makes him upset because in his eyes he’s just as old as Sakura and just as big as all the others! Quigley loves theater and the performing arts, but he’s often too shy to get up on stage so he’s happy in the crowd. He loves Elton John and someday hopes to have enough courage to sing on stage like him!
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Cornelia - I don’t know much about Cornelia since she’s my newest Webkinz, adopted on 7/12/19. She’s a 13 year old ribbon unicorn and she’s obsessed with all things pink, pastel, and pretty! She’s definitely a diva, too, and loves to have spa days to pamper herself. Cornelia is skilled in the art of making friendship bracelets - she makes them for all of her siblings and friends. She also knows practically every type of braid ever invented, and loves styling her mane, a skill she puts to good use in grooming class at the Kinzville Academy. 
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rainingsun · 4 years
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I don’t really know where to start with this still. I’m not even sure if I’m going to post it. But I want to get it all down before Spring Training really starts. Feel free to ignore 
CW- death - Parent death 
On January 19th 2020 my mother died. She had her annual physical on October 17th and was declared perfectly healthy. 3 months later she was gone. Prion disease. It’s fucking horrible. Since this has become my baseball blog I’m gonna talk about my mom and baseball. I’m a person who needs to get everything out, so here goes. 
We are a baseball family. My dad played baseball. My older brother played baseball. I play baseball. My mom wanted to play baseball when she was a kid but she was told no- only boys. Her story isn’t one of fighting against that injustice- she just moved on. But she always liked the game- and she always encouraged me to play. 
She went to almost all of our games. She was the scorekeeper for my brothers teams and mine. I was 7 when I made a competitive travel team. She couldn’t be a coach so she became our manager- booking hotels, organizing rides, filling water bottles and so much more, year after year as I kept playing and making the teams. 
I got invited to a baseball camp run by a retired scout for the Mets when I was 9. My mom, who hadn’t fought the system for her own chance to play, made sure I was allowed to go to the camp when others protested a girl shouldn’t be allowed. I was the only girl at the camp- just 9 year old me and 200 boys ages 8-16. My dad and brother helped me but it was my mom who gave me the courage to go everyday- to deal with the teasing and bullying. a few years later there were several girls going and all the coaches had made it clear any bullshit directed at us would not be tolerated. It all started because my mom fought for my right- and the right of all girls -to be there. 
She was my biggest fan, my biggest cheerleader. She celebrated my victories and picked me up when I failed. When I realized later, as an adult, how much my mom had put into my baseball I thanked her- for all the money, all the time, all the extra stuff. She just smiled and shook her head at me, told me I didn’t need to thank her. I am so thankful I did though. 
I can still see her in my mind- sitting  behind home plate in the lawn chair she brought from home, the scoresheet in her lap, flip flops on her feet, cheering for us all, a huge smile on her face. I can’t think about it without crying and I’m sure it’ll be that way for a while- but it makes me happy too. I am so profoundly grateful for the time I got with her- for the fact that she was my mom. 
This past September when we went to Chicago together- and we couldn’t go to Chicago without going to Wrigley. One last baseball day in the sun. We ate ice cream out of those little helmet bowls and we laughed and cheered and just like always my mom got most of the baseball lingo right- but not quite all of it. It was the best. When the disease was stealing her from us and she was only aware some of the time I referenced Chicago and Wrigley- she reached out for me and hugged me so tight and just kept whispering in my ear- “oh honey it was the best. Just the best time.” And it was. Because it was time with her. And she was the best. 
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