Tumgik
#and i feel like i deserve to enjoy the things i like without feeling guilty about it
monkey-d-ezekiel · 2 days
Text
personal
3 notes · View notes
lady-starbind · 2 years
Text
haha hearbreak go... OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW no brrr, heartbreak really doesn’t go brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr elkrnklrenkerlngelnrkelnerklngreklnkrel don’t even know that I can enjoy Spoon 3 at this point currently
1 note · View note
honeydewcorporation · 6 months
Text
Some Things I Did Not Realize Until Later In Life
When it is sunny and miserably hot (>65F) outside and someone tells you to "enjoy the beautiful weather," they're not being ironic and genuinely think it is pleasant weather.
The default amount of pain most people are in is literally 0, not figuratively.
Most people feel a compulsory urge to breed with their preferred variety of people. Sex isn't supposed to be some kind of trial you endure to prove you love someone, and it's ok if you don't want any.
Polyamory doesn't have to be [people A-N in a relationship with each other at the same time] it can be (and is much more logistically feasible as [person A in a relationship with every person B-N individually]
If you think something is wrong with your body, follow that hunch as far as it will go. Your body doesn't just hand out warning signs for fun, those serve a purpose. Sometimes your body spamming you with warning signs for no reason is the problem in and of itself, and you should see a neurologist.
The golden rule is usually pretty good, but it can get you in hot water if you're autistic and trying to help someone. (I don't have a fix for this, just try to make sure people know your intentions before you speak to them.)
You don't need a "type"
You don't need a label.
You deserve accommodations for any disability you have, even if "it's minor" and you can live without them.
People tend to want to help each other out. Often you do not need to make it worth someone's time to ask for help, and they would prefer spending time to help you over spending time watching you flounder around without help.
It's ok to stop talking to people you don't vibe with, just be nice about it.
If you know someone who has a condition triggered by someone doing something they can't control such as Misophonia (when certain sounds send them into a panicky rage) triggered by a family member's eating noises: Neither of them are at fault, and it's ok to for either to ask the other to leave.
Equality is great in an ideal world but we live in a horrible bastard world where equity (certain marginalized groups receiving the aid they need before and in larger volume than advantaged groups) makes more sense.
Capitalism will always be at odds with general prosperity.
People give each other gifts because they like them. You should not feel obligated to give someone a thank you gift or feel guilty or indebted in any way. They would not like that.
Visualizing things from other people's perspective if you have low or no empathy is made easier by picturing it's you in their situation. A reminder that the world is complex and all those other people living in it are like you sort of.
Sorry this turned more into life advice! Hope it helps at all!
1K notes · View notes
strawberrystepmom · 4 months
Text
Tumblr media
pairing: Kenjaku x F!Reader, past Geto Suguru x F!Reader
word count: 3.6k
about: you become kenjaku's captive to ensure that he will not miss his opportunity to fight the strongest after his return from the prison realm. the temptation of being this close to the last remaining earthly fragment of the man you once loved, suguru, proves too much to resist and you give into your desires despite the hole they're bound to leave.
contents: NSFW - MINORS DNI. DARK CONTENT WARNING, MAJOR MANGA SPOILERS FOR CH 236 AND BEYOND | dubcon, manipulation, violence against reader, asphyxiation, kidnapping | reader is a sorcerer and went to school with geto and they had mutual feelings for one another, mentions of religion and references to god, kenjaku retained some of geto's memories and knows reader through them, reader has breasts and descriptions of vaginal anatomy are given, rough piv sex with little prep, reader is referred to as "girl", major character death (off screen).
notes: i've uh....been going through some things lately LMAO tbh i started this awhile back before thanksgiving but have felt weird about posting it and it very nearly stayed in the "between me and god" folder so i held back but today i said fuck it. if you read, thanks and i hope you enjoy!!!
header art is by jenny holzer and divider is by @/cafekitsune ♡
Tumblr media
“The old occupant of this vessel was very fond of you, you know?”
How dare Kenjaku mention Suguru so casually, as if he were a tenant to his own flesh and bone instead of its rightful owner? 
“You know nothing about him,” The words are full of venom, flying from your mouth not unlike the way you spat at the curse user’s face two days prior to now. He chuckled when the fluid hit his cheek, wiping it off without a second thought. “Or me.” 
You felt so guilty for spitting at his face, the face of a man you once believed that you loved, that you wept until you began to dry heave atop the futon mattress in the room that has been designated as yours. It’s the same bed you rest on now, duvet over your knees that are hiked to your chest. It’s a means to protect yourself from any vulnerability but it’s truly no use. If Kenjaku wants to harm you, he will.
He has insisted your accommodations be comfortable since arriving three days ago given you are collateral and not a captive, his own clever wording for the situation, but you’re more than aware that if you were to attempt to escape from the cage that you’d hit the window just as all birds hungry for a taste of freedom do. There are no cuffs, chains, or bars but your freedom is no longer yours. It is a prize to be won pending the defeat of the man standing across from you in the doorway, shoji door open beside him, flowing hair as dark as the midnight sky brushing the backs of his elbows.
For years you wondered what you’d do if faced with Suguru again. Would you strike him, insisting he deserved it for all the hurt left in his wake? Ask him why in a scream so powerful your shoulders would shake with the weight of your fury? Perhaps you’d forgive him, as you’d been taught and encouraged to do your entire life, and those mumbled prayers cast to the God you believe in above you would be true for the first time since they’ve left your treacherous lips. 
“I forgive him, I hope you can, too.” You have begged God aloud and silently since sixteen years old. You have always been devout in your faith despite abandoning most of the tenets that make someone a believer, your lack of devotion not enough to deter you from selfishly asking for absolution for a man who you know deserves none.
God’s answer is clear when faced with the fact that this is not Geto standing in front of you. There is no less mercy a person can be shown than their body being used as a sick prop after their death.
The space where his thoughts and dreams and hopes used to lie is occupied by something far worse than just visions of a world purified through means of violence, a place where people like you could live without the threat of death and sacrifice to keep others safe. Granted, that wasn’t exactly a noble purpose either, but at least it didn’t threaten your life the way that whatever lives inside of his skull does now.
“I know more about both of you than you think.” 
Kenjaku’s words drip with smugness and your stomach flips. The natural responses of your body to a man who looks and sounds just like Suguru make you sick but you cannot focus on fighting them off and keeping yourself protected at the same time, you have to simply make peace with the butterflies in your stomach that feels like something is punching you in the gut over and over again. He dares enter the room and you scoot further up the futon, hitting the wall behind you and leveling a glare in his direction.
Suguru’s body reacts to you, as well, something that Kenjaku planned long ago to use to his advantage. It started with hazy dreams, a face he recognized as yours drifting through them, your thighs and your lips and your skirt. It’s a version of you a little younger, a little warmer - less edgy than you are now. You are sharp and finely tuned to harm while the version of you that lived in Geto’s mind will forever stay soft, a freshly unfurled rose.
“All you’ve done is vandalize him,” you accuse and he shrugs, dressed in a cotton yukata rather than the robes he stole in addition to the body they dressed. It’s easy to imagine another life where this is Suguru and you are you and he’s coming to your shared bedside, kneeling on the ground the same way Kenjaku is now while he invites himself to the only space you currently have as your own.
“You’re a smart girl, don’t play dumb.” Your glance moves from the doorway to him, disgusted by how brave he is getting this close to you. “Perhaps I’m simply using the power this body holds in the way he was too cowardly to attempt.”
Despite your current state of sitting in nothing but a yukata yourself, you are physically strong from spending the last decade of your life as nothing more than a glorified weapon to use in the fight against evil. Even if your Cursed Technique would be unlikely to have any effect on the man, you could be a difficult problem for him if you wanted to be, yet you sit and do nothing but wait and refuse to respond to his words. He chuckles at your stubbornness and reaches across the bed and your body to grab your chin between his thumb and index finger. He shifts your head until you’re staring directly at him and a smile crosses his lips.
You do not fight him off.
“Tell me, sorcerer,” he starts and you swallow, bottom lip quivering. You want to reach out and slap him away, to scream and kick but your body stays still, the only place blood is pooling between your legs and in the heat of your face. “Where are those teeth and claws you were so eager to show me on your first night here?”
He reaches his thumb upward and presses it against your mouth, stopping the shake with a single touch - your body’s natural reaction to a man you are now certain you loved, given it’s the only explanation for your behavior. It’s a form of trust, the muscle memory of a kiss he gave you in your dorm room at the school you once shared. The first night you were spitting and hissing, now you’re so placid.
“Nothing to say for yourself?”
Stubbornly, you shake your head and Kenjaku chuckles again, pulling his thumb away from your lip but maintaining the grip on your chin. You know this is not Suguru, it’s as clear as the stitches across the forehead of the practically empty vessel that further closes in on you. He moves silently until he’s mere inches away from you, his head hovering over your knees that are still pulled against your chest. You watch him with narrowed eyes, tucking against yourself tighter than you ever have as a means of comfort, but it does nothing to stop him from lingering.
“I could just make you speak if I wanted to,” he warns. The power in this situation belongs to him.
“What’s the point of fighting you? You’re going to do whatever you want with me anyway.” You admit, defeated. Whatever fight you had left in you was smothered weeks ago during the attack on Shibuya. Even the release of Gojo is not enough to fill you with hope for the future. It’s pointless to keep fighting when the only outcome is going to be loss.
The shaky sound of your voice makes the curse user move closer to you and you shut your eyes tightly, refusing to look at him lest your body continue with these inexplicable natural responses. Heart pounding against your chest, it’s inexplicably frustrating that it cannot seem to separate what your brain knows is true from what your body wants to believe.
It isn’t him, you scream within the confines of your own mind but it does not prevent your palms from feeling clammy and the squeeze of your inner thighs against each other to provide some relief against the heat in your core.
It isn’t him. It isn’t him. It isn’t him…
Chanting the words internally, you open your eyes and are met with a pair of golden ones staring directly at you. They’re the same that stared at you in a dorm room a decade ago although they’re missing the warmth they had back then, dripping honey sweetness hidden in the irises turned to tar. 
“You’re right, I can.” He nods and dark hair falls over his eyes, catching your eye. Your stomach turns when you spot the stitches across his forehead but your gaze returns to his so quickly you can hardly think about it. “But will it be what I want or is it what this body desires, I wonder?”
This piques your interest and Kenjaku tilts his head to the side inquisitively, dark hair sweeping over your knees and around your body. It feels like a curtain, a veil like the ones you are so used to using to keep people safe and ignorant and outside of your world of sorcery.
“What do you mean?”
A smirk is the response you are granted and he moves closer to you, one of his hands reaching for the duvet you’re using to cover you. Pulling it back gently, your robe covered body coming into view and once again, you make no effort to fight. With this barrier removed, he runs his palm over the outside of your thigh. Muffling your whimper at the touch, you attempt to hide your face in your shoulder but he stops you, still grasping onto your chin and still holding your gaze.
“Interesting.” 
His hand travels from the outside of your thigh to the insides and you gently spread them to allow him access before realizing what he’s searching for. Attempting to cut off his access by closing your legs, he holds your thigh in place and lets his fingers dip lower along the soft skin. You quiver and shake beneath him like a leaf clinging to the branches of a tree in winter, desperate for somewhere to remain, and those fingers inch closer and closer to your core. He stops when he feels the coarse hair covering your mound and dares to dip a single fingertip between your folds, raising his eyebrows when he feels the arousal seeping from you. 
“I knew it,” he whispers so low you wonder if you were even meant to hear it but the way he gazes at you, like that of a man starved, tells you that the words were meant for no one but you.
Your hand shakes as much as the rest of you when you finally lift it from your side, reaching out to him and taking a strand of hair between your fingers. It feels just as you imagined it would, silk between your digits, and a breathy sigh leaves you before you begin to cry. Dropping the small strand, you choose to reach out toward his forehead and use your hand to block the stitches covering it.
“Suguru.”
You babble the name like it is precious, your lip quivering just as it did before, and the evil man shakes his head, capturing your wrist with the hand he just removed from your chin. He lowers your hand enough that you can see the stitches unobscured.
“Kenjaku, actually.” 
He lowers your hand to his lips and kisses your knuckles, amused when you squirm where you sit, practically delirious with lust and confusion. You do not want this, at least that’s what you tell yourself while parting your legs further and panting, chest heaving with every breath.
Wordlessly, he uses his free hand to untie your robe and it falls off of your shoulders, exposing you to him fully before he can blink. This is something he remembers seeing in one of those dreams but you look different than whatever the imagination of a man who was infatuated with you was able to come up with during his loneliest hours. It amuses Kenjaku that he is the one to see you like this, bare and willing. 
Tracing down your belly and lower, he stops between your legs which makes you whimper. You’re so desperate to be touched, to pretend he is someone you’ll never have the opportunity to love as properly as you could have if you’d both lived a different life, that your hips actually arch off of the bed eagerly. It should embarrass you but you are past the point of humiliation, willing to be fucked by evil incarnate just for the sake of a taste of Suguru Geto.
“Pathetic little thing,” he coos and you say nothing in return. You’re well aware of your failings as a sorcerer and a human being as his fingers spread your labia to get a glance at what you have to offer. For a moment, you consider praying for Suguru again; to selfishly beg God to make sense of your own actions but you know that he no longer has mercy for an ill behaved member of his flock. You will simply accept the consequences, whatever they will be.
His thumb brushes your clit and you moan, tipping your head back and toward the ceiling. You wait for the sensation of pleasure to climb through you again but it doesn’t come until you look downward again, eyes fluttering open.
“Eyes on me or you get nothing.”
Too afraid to look away lest it keep you from the only good thing you’ve felt in who knows how long, you keep your eyes glued to Kenjaku’s face while his hand works between your legs, spreading the slick from your cunt toward your clit and back down. If you could just shut your eyes, you could pretend, but they’re open and glued between your legs, watching every feathery stroke of his fingers through your folds.
Kenjaku’s cock hardens against your thigh and for a moment you dare to feel powerful knowing you aren’t the only one surrendering to the most base of your needs. He drops your hand and reaches for the tie of his robe, opening it and giving you the only look you’ve ever been lucky enough to get of Suguru’s bare body.
Scarred, honed, a tool - just like yours. If you weren’t so lost in the moment, the lifetimes you have imagined for years would be playing through your mind.
You gasp and knit your brows together, bucking against the increasing pressure of Kenjaku’s fingers while he brings you back to him and out of your head. Whatever you’re thinking about doesn’t matter when he inserts a finger inside of you, only testing how wet you are with no intention of preparing you for his cock. 
When he’s satisfied with how wet you are, he withdraws his finger and you whine. The sound is the most he has heard from you since the first night and it makes his eyes widen in interest. He shifts until he is standing between your spread knees and the realization that this is really happening hits you at once, your face flaming with desire.
“You’re so impatient.” 
The curse user tuts at you with a roll of his eyes and spreads your legs as wide as they can go to accommodate the width of his body. He’s broad in shoulder and hip and you bite your lower lip when he runs the head of his cock through your folds, following the same pattern of his fingers. You expect the teasing to last longer but it stops abruptly. Before you can take a breath to prepare yourself, his cock is buried to the hilt inside of you, and you gasp with wide eyes, shocked. 
“As good as you imagined?”
Words come to your mind but do not form enough to leave your mouth while he thrusts roughly, your body jerking violently against his. It’s painful, the size of him with little prep in conjunction with how he uses your body as nothing more than a glorified place to take his aggression out, but all of the numbness within you thaws and for the first time since you realized Geto was no longer Geto in Shibuya, you feel. 
It’s hard to name all the emotions you are experiencing because they blur into something barely comprehensible. Pleasure and pain and bone chilling sorrow, the kind that makes tears silently drip down your face while he takes what he wants from you. He doesn’t bother to play with your clit and there is no need to, the joy you’re taking simply from being used by Suguru’s body enough that the knot inside of you is slowly beginning to unravel. 
Skin on skin punctuated by his low grunts and your whines fill the small room and you are so lost, you lift yourself halfway up to meet Kenjaku and consider kissing him. Would it be close enough to kissing Suguru that you could eventually justify it or would it just sully the one good memory you have of him? 
You don’t have long to think about it before you are pushed back down to the bed, one of his hands caging your throat and keeping you pinned to the bed below. A reminder that this is for his pleasure and not yours although you feel yourself coming closer to the edge than you were just moments prior, shutting your eyes tightly. All of the motion inside of you stops, the hard thrusts of his cock ending, and your eyes shoot open.
“Remember what I said. Eyes on me or you get nothing.”
Nodding, you keep them open and he begins again, pace rougher than before. You can do nothing but grunt and struggle to breathe, his cock carving out space inside of you that didn’t exist until he entered you. Every kiss of his tip against your insides knocks the breath out of you and finally you cum in a strangled moan, walls quivering around his length. 
His hand inches further up your throat and squeezes experimentally. As expected, you do not fight back and he takes his indulgence with a grin, choking you with varying degrees of pressure and feeling your cunt spasm around him when he surprises you by tightening his grip. 
You like this. You want this.
He leans forward and shifts his weight to his arm and hand, finally spilling inside of you with a deep moan. Warmth fills every inch of you and you wish that you felt as full in your heart as you do in your cunt but a void remains.
Kenjaku’s other hand slides up your body and wraps around your neck, both of his palms resting on either side of your neck and fingers splaying over your throat. It’s dangerous to let him have this much access to any part of you that he could possibly crush but you do not move, tearfully looking up at him and sniffling. He increases his pressure, not enough to harm you, but enough to make you work hard and you realize how easily he could just…end this.
“Please kill me,” you beg while struggling to breathe, realizing what you’ve done now that the afterglow of orgasm can no longer protect you from the cold hard truth. 
You are a betrayer. You slept with the enemy to sate your own selfish desires and death seems almost too kind to beg for, yet you do.
“Kill me.”
Your face turns in shade and your vision is dotted with darkness, a miserable end to a miserable life you consider, but at least it will be over. The pressure of Kenjaku’s hands around your neck continues to increase until you are certain you are taking your last breath, lungs aching until he abruptly stops. He glances down from where he rests above you, half swollen cock softening and letting his cum leak out around the tip of it that is still inside of you and onto the sheets below. 
“I will not give you the satisfaction of death until you give me the satisfaction of watching you fight for it.” 
Removing his hands from around your throat completely, he glances down at the pressure indentions of his fingers with a smile. Your eyes flutter shut, you’ve passed out from lack of air, and he admires the heap he has left you in, reaching for your robe and wiping the remnants of his release and yours on the corner of it.
Nobody is coming to save you, a secret Kenjaku knows that you are not yet aware of. Satoru Gojo is dead, defeated at the hands of Sukuna. The news broke this morning and he was preparing to come to your room to let you know until this little distraction occurred. He had an inkling you were susceptible to Suguru Geto’s charms even from beyond the grave but he had no idea it would be this easy, your slumped form resting on the futon beside him. He pats your head as one would a treasured dog, long and loving strokes that do not stir you, your bare breasts swaying slightly with every breath you take.
The new world is on the horizon and he may keep you around as a plaything for a little longer than he originally intended.
526 notes · View notes
becomingmina · 4 months
Text
Fuckboy Min 2 - angst w/ Lee Know + Hyunjin. 18+ only mdni.
{ Part 1 here + Part 3 here }
{Mina’s notes: I really enjoyed writing this. Sorry it took a while! Let me know what you guys think through comments or my ask box 📃💖}
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
“You done crying yet or?” Hyunjin jokes after watching over you for the past thirty minutes. He was in the drivers seat handing out countless tissues to you, who was in his passenger’s.
“Hyunjin, stop,” you crack up at his teasing. You were done crying now, you just weren’t done being upset yet. A heavy feeling still lingering around your shoulders as you try your best to block out Minho’s words circulating in your head.
“Are you still not going to tell me what he said to you in the bathroom?” A hand comes to wipe away the last of your tears, his tone gentler now.
Hyunjin can see the marks on your neck, anyone can. He can tell what happened in the bathroom and he knows Minho must’ve said something to overwhelmed you to cry, but he just doesn’t know what exactly.
“I don’t want to re-live it Hyunjin,” you couldn’t tell him. You didn’t want to tell him that you said the L word to Minho within the same month you got rejected by him. Hyunjin could never judge you for that but how can you tell him without telling the whole thing, how it was forced out of you. Dirty? Dirty because of Hyunjin? The words repeats again, haunting you. Hyunjin was involved in Minho’s mean and hurtful words and you feel guilty. Hyunjin did absolutely nothing wrong, he didn’t deserved to be dragged into whatever mess was going on between you and Minho.
“Why? Is it because you might cry again?” He playfully says, not wanting you to feel downhearted at your own actions. He lets out a giggle after observing how you quickly pierced your eyes at him sassily - something you picked up from him. It doesn't matter what situation you're in, Hyunjin always makes it light hearted. He's so playful but in a way where he is still careful and you never fail to warm up to him. Just like this moment.
“I just got my heart broken by the city’s fuckboy, I don’t need the city’s heartbreaker to feed into it,” you chuckle and he follows with furrowed brows, unable to keep a straight face at the names.
“Those names are crazy Y/N,” he remarks.
“I actually don’t think you’re a heartbreaker Hyunjin, it’s just what everyone calls you,” you reassured him, hand finding his to give him a tight squeeze.
"I probably am one," he held yours back tighter, letting you know he didn’t take it to heart. "I'm curious though," he continues .
“Hmm?”
“Curious to why the city’s fuckboy keeps yelling at you,” you eyed him again, arms crossed this time with a fake pout. “Or is it that you’re just a cry baby?” he laughs but he was serious though, he wanted to see why Minho keeps leaving you in tears.
“I’m not a cry baby,” you defend yourself. “You’re probably tired of me crying hey? I know how to smile too!” To be fair, you were kind of a cry baby especially as this is the second time he has picked you up and wiped away your tears, all within a month.
“Wait, can you actually?” he continues.
“I’m actually really sweet Hyunjin, I promise!”
“How about the city’s heartbreaker takes you out one day?” The tension from the incident with Minho start to disappear as Hyunjin slowly soothes it, directing your attention somewhere else - something he is very good at.
“Hmm?” brows furrowed together. His question had taken you by surprise, you were unsure if he was serious. “Like on a date?” You clarified.
“Mhmm,” he confirmed. “So you can show me how sweet you can be and that you’re not just a cry baby.” He already knows how sweet you are. Last couple of weeks you guys spent together talking about everything and nothings have really shown him what type of person you are. You were caring, cheerful, playful. You loved to tease, loves to be teased and takes on jokes like a champ. You were just full of laughter and happiness and meeting someone like you is hard for Hyunjin. It seems that he has developed a soft spot for you, but unlike Minho he isn’t afraid to show you.
You just giggle back, unaware of the thoughts going through Hyunjin’s head, everything falling into silence right after.
Hyunjin is a lovely person and you hate to say yes just to distract yourself from Minho. But Hyunjin has that effect on you, where he has made you forgot about Minho whenever you’re with him. You don’t know how to explain it. Like earlier tonight before all of this, when you went with him to the party, you had zero care for anyone and anything besides Hyunjin and wine. Or like right now, Minho was slowly fading away in your head. If you give him a chance, maybe he’ll be better than Minho. He always was, seeing as he was the one who was here, unlike Minho who didn’t even chase after you.
“Hyune?”
“Hmm?”
“A date with you sounds cool,” your silly smile returning. He couldn’t control his smile back, his eyes turning into thin lines as his upper lips disappears a little showing his white pearlys.
The man who broke your heart an hour ago long forgotten, in moments like this.
+
“You okay hyung?” Han asks, after observing Minho for the past hour just downing his drinks.
“Yeah.. Good.. I’m good.” Minho could barely reply, slurring on his words clearly intoxicated.
“What happened in the bathroom? What did you do to her?” Han was worried about you both. He still doesn't understand what you did to get Minho to push you away like that, especially when Minho would used to reschedule his plans with Han and their friend group just to be with you. It was clear to Han that you guys had something going on. Minho wasn’t much of a drinker too but seeing him suddenly finish all these drinks made Han sense something was up.
“Nothing, I just.. Nothing just shooed her away like usual,” Minho replied, acting uninterested in the conversation.
“Marks on your neck tells me otherwise,” Han replied back, eyeing up at his hyung. Minho doesn’t reply, instead he stays quiet, one hand coming into contact with the marks you left on his skin. His head is in a daze, the scene of you pressing kisses to his neck, how soft your plump lips felt, your tiny hands holding the back of his neck to keep him in place while the other was wrapped around his..
“Hyung? Hey hyung?” Han snaps the older man out of his thoughts, holding him by the shoulder trying to steady him. “She’s a good girl. If you don’t like her don’t do that to her.”
“She gave me the marks Jisung.. I didn’t do anything to her,” Minho huffed, trying to defend himself.
“Sure, it’s not like she didn’t walk out of the bathroom with marks herself,” Minho just rolls his eyes. “If you don’t like her like that, stop hurting her.”
“Looks like you also want to fuck her, seeing as how you’re talking about her-”
“-Just because I feel sorry for her doesn’t mean I want to fuck her, hyung. No girl should be treated like that,”
“Whatever,” Minho pushes the smaller boy’s arms off his shoulders making him stumble back a bit.
“See how you act? You’re a dick. How is it that every other girl gets let off easily when they admit they like you and when Y/N does it she gets yelled at?” Han was over his hyung’s antics, also fuming from the way he was pushed even though he was only trying to help him up.
“Last month you pushed her away then tonight you’re all over her again just because she’s with someone else. You’re so possessive. What did you do to her in the bathroom?!” Han has never called Minho out like this but the way Minho acted was very possessive. It was like he hates seeing other people interested or talk about things that was his. In this instance, you.
“I don’t know,” as much as he hates to admit it, your words engraved itself to his brain. He couldn’t come up with a reason why he treated you the way he did tonight or ever. Just the words I love you bouncing in his head, hitting every surface of his brain. Did he like you back? He’s not in-love with you right? Or was he just possessive over you? Did he want you to himself only? Minho was overwhelmed with his thoughts, unable to voice anything else, eyes just seeking some sort of help from the younger boy.
“You okay hyung?”
“No.”
+
A couple weeks go by and Minho catches himself thinking about you every second pf his day. He doesn’t know how to make it stop. He contacted so many girl just to ghost them before they meet up as he has this feeling of guilt. Not towards the girls, they don’t mean anything to him but guilt towards you. It was like he was doing something wrong to you. But you weren’t even his and he doesn’t even like you back. He has just be constantly in and out, and his friends aren’t any help either. Well to be fair, he’s only been keeping his thoughts to himself so it’s not really his friend’s fault. But you and Hyunjin has been the topic of the week, updates of where you guys went or what you guys did was brought up every single day in conversation.. well ofcourse it would, seeing as how Hyunjin and Minho shares mutual friends.
“You think he really likes her?” Felix asks the others.
“Yeah, if he didn’t he wouldn’t have come with her to the party the other week,” Chan clarified and they nod in agreement.
“Why wonder we haven’t seen him all of last month, he was with Y/N.”
Minho listens to the conversation, quietly contributing and attacking Hyunjin in his head. Yeah but she doesn’t like him. She clearly loves someone else.
“Wasn’t she one of your flings?” Chan’s question wakes Minho up.
“Hmm? Y/N?” Your name comes out more tender than expected from his lips. “I don’t remember,” Minho lies.
“Anyways, I reckon the photo he took of her from earlier this week was cute,” Seungmin says, the rest giggling like high school girls at their friends love life.
“Looks like the heartbreaker Hyunjin found someone he really likes.”
“And Y/N seems to really like him too,” Minho was furious, wanting to tell them what the reality was but even himself wasn’t sure if it was true anymore. Maybe you have fallen for Hyunjin. Maybe you have forgotten all about Minho now.
He looks to his side, watching Felix swipe through Hyunjin’s instagram story. It was the first time he saw you since. You were as pretty as ever. Hair in a half up half down look, in a black dress looking and smiling at Hyunjin’s camera.
Hyunjin had taken you out to one of his favourite bakery and art museum. He had told you to wear something pretty, and be ready by noon. You got dolled up, picking out your most gorgeous dress and by the time he promised, he messaged you to come outside. Hyunjin was lean up against his car, his camera strap across his body, a small bouquet in his hand. It was something you never experienced before, you couldn’t help but smile instantly at the sight. Oh how sweet he was, and definitely very handsome.
“You look like you can be very sweet, Y/N,” he playfully says before pulling you into a hug. You hold him back, arms wrapping around his body pressing your cheeks against his toned chest, staying there a little bit longer than you extended.
“Ready to go?” He asks, and you remove yourself.
“Mhmm, ready to go and ready to show you I can be sweet!” The conversation you had with yourself, a couple days ago still implanted in your head. You will give it a try with Hyunjin. He has always treated you well, despite his title he received from everyone, but a little part of you is afraid. Minho treated you well too, but turned his back on you the second you liked him. You were afraid you were going to fall for it again. Hyunjin could never make you fall for him then ditch you right? But to be honest, has Minho ever picked you up in broad day light like this? No. You guys would sneak around all the time, and was only ever relaxed in a closed off area - that being his house. Minho has never planned a date this. But did your heart wanted that more than this? A unlike tingling heavy feeling fallen in your chest, the feeling is different.
As Felix continues to tap his screen, more images of the date appears. You guys spend a while in the coffee shop just goofing around with each other, then at the art museum.. Oh the art museum.. countless photos of you standing infront of and looking at the art works makes Minho go red.
“Fuck-” Minho bites, fist forming into balls as he feels his blood boiling. Minho was angry now, he was jealous. He didn’t ever show you off like this and was mad someone was able to do.
“Gotta go, gotta go call Bella,” Minho walks out, everyone else looking around trying to seek a reason why he was acting like that.
+
It was dark and late, 9pm to be exact. Silence fill the air as you and Hyunjin both just sit in his car. You shyly glance over to him, unsure of what to do now, he just gives you a smile. You really enjoyed your day with him, it was fun and quite the romantic day. But do you invite him in now? Do you take it slow? What would you do if you invite him in anyways?
"I enjoyed today with you too Hyune," you break the silence. "I'm actually really tried from everything though" you lie, you needed to distant yourself for the rest of the night, to work out what you were feeling. You needed to take it slow. The tingling sensation before was still around you, a feeling you can't explain. "I think I might start ready for bed," you observe his reactions, but there is none. Just him keeping a small smile like earlier.
"We did so much today, I’m tired and ready for bed too," he agrees, one hand reaches over to hold yours. He was so soft, it's like he knows the barrier you had set up. He doesn't questions it and just lets it be.
"Thank you Hyune," you reply, twisting your wrist so your fingers can interlock with his now, giving him some sort of affirmation. You lean in towards him and ahe air grows a bit cold now. You had to do it, to show your gratitude. You continue to move in, giving him a peck to his cheeks. Hyunjin freezes in return, the sudden affection makes him flustered. "Goodnight Hyune." You retracted back your hand, collecting your stuff, along with your nice bouquet of flowers and exiting his car.
It was clear to Hyunjin after the peck that he liked you. He really liked you but he was still unsure of where your feelings stands. Regardless, he wanted to keep trying with you.
+
You were in the middle of the dance floor, to the grand party that Hyunjin asked you to be his date at. Well technically, you were invited by Minho's mum but you can't turn down a cute date with Hyunjin.
“Where are you?” You ask on the phone, eyes searching for a lost Hyunjin. He has disappeared from your sight so suddenly after you guys had spend a hour of drinking the free wine.
“At the table we were before," you can hear him slurring on his words, unable to keep your giggles in at how tipsy he is.
“Okay, coming! Stay where you are," as you turn around someone pulls you back, making you stumble a bit forward into them.
“Can I talk to you?” You encounter a familiar face. Minho was standing in front of you, his hand gripping your wrist not painfully but strong enough for you not to pull back. Your eyes scan his face. He looked so different. He had his hair down covering his forehead, something he never wears out in public. His eyes were coated with a thin cover of gloss, almost looks like he had been draining in his emotions for the longest time ever. Minho looked so soft, you were taken back.
“I gotta go. Hyune’s waiting for me,” you reply trying to pull away from him. You needed to avoid Minho, unsure why but you had too.
“Hyune?”
“Yes, Hyune,” you managed to escape and walked off, only because he loosen his grip. Minho was left on the middle of the dance floor, watching you make your way through the crowd.
“Hyune?” He whispers to himself, confused. A nickname already? Maybe the boys were right.
You don’t know why but a sudden urge to spin around got the best of you.
“Hey Min!” The nickname makes him instantly turn around but he knows it wasn’t going to be you standing there, so he prepared himself for whoever was there.
“Hey, I was looking for you,” he lied to the gorgeous woman infront of him, Bella.
You watch as Minho smile at her, his hand coming in contact with her cheek. You spun around again, not wanting to watch any more of what he got up to, going back to Hyunjin.
+
The music was blaring now and you feel yourself getting light headed from the countless shots and mimosas you consumed. You lean into Hyunjin’s chest, wanting to stay still for a minute to regain control of your body.
Minho doesn't know how he got here but there he stood a couple steps infront of you, watching you with Hyunjin. He has Bella in-front of him holding his hands as she sways to the music, seeking for his attention.
“Hey, I’m losing you here Y/N,” Hyunjin laughs, although him himself was feeling the same thing. He had to control it, he couldn’t let you both loose to alcohol.
“I’m so tired Hyune,” you replied, unable to move your head from his upper chest.
“You wanna go sit down?” He asked, hands coming to your waist to help hold you up. The small contact with your body makes you widen your eyes. You steady yourself back on your heels as you make eye contact with the sweet boy in front you. Your eyes catch his lips for a second, they were so plump, so full and the perfect shade of pink, almost a reddish. A thought ran through your head and you feel guilty about it but you wanted to do it. You want to feel his lips on yours to confirm that feeling that keeps staying around in your chest. His eyes flutter from your eyes to your lips. You looked so pretty like this, your cheeks was pink, eyes looks so bright and full, you were so kissable. Hyunjin slowly leans in, one had holding your face and when he doesn’t see a signal of you avoiding it, he closes the gap between your lips.
Minho’s heart sinks watching Hyunjin kiss you. He has always been possessive of you, hating when your attention is on another person. He has always been annoyed, always been angry but right now, he feels broken, he feels hurt. He didn’t come here with Bella because he liked her. He came here with Bella because he wanted to use her as a distraction. He wanted to use her to get over you. He doesn’t realise it until now, after witnessing the kiss, that since the night you confessed your feelings to him, he felt the same. He felt the same but he was too afraid to say it, to show it. Liking someone was overwhelming, let alone loving someone. Minho was just afraid.
The feeling doesn’t go away, it’s heavy it’s numbing your body. You pull away from Hyunjin’s lips, hands on his chest to help you detach. You can’t keep his eye contact, letting out a heavy breath.
“Hyune, I..” you look up over his shoulder and catches Minho eyes as he towers over Bella. Minho stops to observe you, observing your next move. For a second the world stops, everyone’s face was blurred, the music goes from blaring loud to a long beep, something you hear when your brain restarts similar to the sound in movies when the main character watches someone close to them die. It was only you and Minho.
Part 2 was was like a filler, I know.
{Tag list 🏷️@20minsat180dgegrees @feybin @whosanaanyway @k0nst3nceee @hoes4lino @ihatewritingshit @armystay89 @redstayrosie @captainchrisstan }
556 notes · View notes
Text
Ready, Aim, Shoot (3)
Tumblr media
Hi guys!
This is a little longer that what I was thinking, but it's the last part of the Ready, Aim, Shoot 's serie. Thanks to @holly-wallis for her ideas and advice ♥
Please enjoy ♥
I had to repost it, sorry if you already saw it ♥
TW : Blood, trauma, scare, creepy therapist.
PART 1 | PART 2
______________________________________________________________
Blood. There is blood everywhere. The more you look, the more there is. You look at your shaking hands, cover in red too. You don’t know whose blood is it though. The room you are in is only white, adding to the contrast with the blood color. Breathing quickly, you look around and that’s when you finally see her.
Alexia.
Alexia is on her back in the middle of the room, her body surrounded by red too. Panicking, you kneel next to her, shaking her to try to wake her. But she doesn’t. She stays still in your hand, not moving. Not breathing. This is when you scream.
You scream so much that it wakes you up suddenly. Heavily breathing, you sit on your bed, blindly trying to find the button on your bedside lamp. You finally managed to find it, but when you put the light on, Alexia isn’t next to you in your bed.
It’s only when you left your room to look for her that you remember. She’s not here tonight, she’s sleeping in Tenerife, where she played today. Or yesterday, because it’s actually three in the morning. It’s the first time she leaves you alone for all the night since you came back.
Alexia is not here, but it’s your fault really. You assured her that you will be ok, almost pushing her out of your shared flat. She made you swear to call her if you need her, no matter what time it is. She asked Mapi to come to look for you last night, so you watched the game with the blonde before she went home. You fell asleep quickly actually, you were far to imagine a wake up like that.
You should really call her; she will be disappointed with you if she learns the state of panic you are in without calling her. But you hate the idea to wake her up at this time of the night. She played yesterday, she’s coming home today. She needs to rest.
You find refuge on your couch, putting the TV on. But you can’t forget the picture of Alexia and the blood everywhere. You feel like it’s still on your body, no matter how many times you look at your hands to be sure that you don’t have a little red on you. Thirty minutes after you wake up, you decided to go take a shower.
You pass a long time under it, water burning, washing your body again and again. You ignore the scare that your accident left on your body. You hate them. No matter how many times Alexia kissed them, telling you that you are strong and even more beautiful than before.
You feel guilty as hell when you think about your girlfriend. She is amazing with you, so patient and so loving. You don’t feel like you deserve her. You don’t make any progress with your mental health and it’s disturbing. You even think about breaking up with Alexia one time, disgusting by yourself. She deserves so much more than you. But right after, you had a panic attack, because how can you live without her? She’s your whole world.
You are not even strong enough to make the things right for her.
When the feeling of the hot water and the strength with which you rubbed your skin became too much to handle, you stop the water and get out of the shower. This time your skin is red, but you know why.
You pick a hoodie from Alexia and one of her old Barcelona’s short. If you can’t have your girlfriend’s arms, at least you can have her smell. And, after some hesitation, you even take her pillow to go with you to the couch of your living room. You take snack and watch some stupid things on TV while scrolling on your phone.
You are still tired, but you don’t want to take the risk to fall asleep again. You’re terrified to have this dream again. Every time the images came back in your brain, you try to hug Alexia’s pillow harder. It kind of work, but it has nothing to do with Alexia’s comfort.
You fall asleep after 8 o’clock, after your girlfriend told you that they are boarding and that she will be home soon.
You are still asleep when Alexia comes home. She smiles seeing you laying on the couch, cuddle against her pillow, in her clothes. You are watching YouTube now, from her account, and you choose the playlist where she puts all the games she finds interesting. Only putting her suitcase on the ground, she comes to sit next to you, softly stroking your hair.
“Alexia?” you mumble, opening your eyes with difficulty.
“Hi sleepy head”
Her smile is affectionate, and you get up on one elbow to rub your eyes and have a better look at her. Her hairs are down and she seems fine. She seems happy, maybe to see you? The plan was that she takes a taxi with Jana to come back home, Alexia didn’t want you to drive because some noises sometimes make you jump.
“How are you?” Alexia asks softly.
“Can I have a hug?”
She smiles and passes her arms around you to hug you. But you lay on the couch again, taking her with you on it. She giggles and you smile, forgetting for the first time your nightmare.
“I’m glad you’re here” you whisper after some minutes.
“I’m glad to be back to you too.”
You hum, turning a little to pass a leg around her knees and cuddle tighter against her. She’s stroking your back lovingly, sometimes kissing your head. You started to wonder how much mental pressure you are putting on her when she talks again.
“You remember Marta? From the media team?”
“I think I do” you answer, frowning. “Why?”
“She just left for her maternity leave, and she doesn’t know for now if she will come back.”
“Ok?”
You are still frowning when you look at your girlfriend, not understanding where she wants to go. I mean you are happy that people have baby and all. But what does it make a change for you?
It looks like Alexia’s idea was that you apply for the job. You try to escape that idea, not really happy about the idea of meeting tons of people who will know about your story and look at you with pity in their eyes. But Alexia assures you that it won’t happen, adding that you just can go for the interview without saying yes after.
Long story short, you are now sitting on your desk for your first day.
Your job is basically to find idea of activities to anime the games, a little more marketing than journalism to be honest. But it looks fun and like Alexia said before, when Marta will come back, you don’t have to stay here if you don’t want to.
********
“Hi, I’d like a meeting with the new media manager?”
A voice in front of you make you raise your head, even if you recognize it immediately. Alexia is smirking at you from the door of your office, looking like she just finishes her shower. Which she probably did, given the time.
“I’m sorry, but you have to talk to my assistant first, she will give you my time schedule” you smirk back.
Alexia frown slightly, closing the door behind her before coming for you.
“You have an assistant?”
You know that frown and you roll your eyes while standing up to great her like she deserves it.
“Yes, I have” you answer, letting yourself go against her when she takes you in her arms.
She hums, her lips against your hair, trying to look discreetly in the open office by the window. The gesture makes you chuckle and you raise your head to have a better look at her.
“What? I was just looking to know if you knew her, that’s all.”
“Sure, mi Amor.”
She pouts and you kiss it better, just to see the smile she has right after. You weren’t really happy to start to work again to be honest, but you have to admit that it’s a good thing for you to keep your head busy with something. Alexia was right, once again.
“Are you ready to leave? I’m taking you home.”
“I am.”
You take your stuff with you, before letting Alexia passes her arm around your waist to take you with her. You don’t know if it’s only the jealousy talking right now, but you have to admit that she is way more openly affective with you since your accident. Not that you have a problem with it, obviously. But the way her gaze is scanning the room when you left after saying goodbye to your colleagues, it makes you think that there is at least a little part of jealousy in it.
Which is totally stupid, you only see her.
“You seems happier” Alexia says cautiously over her plate that night.
You look at her for some seconds before nodding. You are, but you are scared to mention it in case that it makes your nightmares coming back.
“I am. Thanks to you” you smile softly.
“Are you really? Or are you hiding something from me like when I was away for the game to Tenerife?”
You blush and almost chock on your tomato, but you somehow are able to keep some dignity. You don’t take the time to try to deny her statement though, you know that she knows. Of course she does. She reads you like an open book. Alexia has the decency to not point anything else, waiting patiently for your answer.
“I really am better. You were right, I really needed to get out from here even if it was difficult at first. It’s great to have something to do, not that cooking for you wasn’t entertaining. But going out… It’s great.”
She nods softly, without leaving your face with her eyes. You know immediately that there is something else in her mind, but you don’t push, letting her carry the conversation.
“Do you think I was too suffocating with you? Maybe if I…”
“No!” you cut her after some seconds of incredulity. “Alexia how could you…? Are you joking? You are the reason that I’m still here and mentally good. You are the reason that I keep fighting to be fine again. I couldn’t have done it without you. I forbid you to think of anything like that.”
“I’m sorry. It’s some insecurities and I shouldn’t have told you that” she frowns again, playing with her forks and some pasta left in her plate.
“Alexia, don’t please.”
She looks at you again when you stand up, just to come sit on her lap. She welcomes you by taking you close against her with her arms. You pass your arms around your neck, one of your fingers playing with the baby hair on her neck.
“You are so perfect to me. I don’t know if I’ll be able to thank you enough one day for it. You were always right and done nothing wrong all those days. A lot of people would have abandoned, but you are still here with me.”
“I’ll never abandon you” she mumbles, looking right into your eyes.
You can see how much she means those worlds and you have to take all your strength not to start crying like a baby. You’re pretty sure that your eyes are shining from tears but you busy yourself by stroking her cheek tenderly.
“You said one time that my come back is a miracle, do you remember? Well, you are my miracle.” you add, after she nods.
She kisses you and the way she did makes your head turned. She only let you breath for several seconds when you need air, before kissing you again with even more intensity. You had sex again after some weeks of rehab from your part, but not like you did before your departure. And it’s hard to see Alexia restrain her gestures, scared as hell to hurt you. Tonight though, you feel like that maybe it will come back.
********
It came back.
You are laying on your bed, lovingly enveloped in your girlfriend’s arms. Her skin is so soft against yours, your face hiding in her neck. You are lull by Alexia’s deep and slow breathing and you are starting to wonder if she’s falling asleep when she talks quietly.
“How are you feeling?”
“Great. Safe. Warm.”
“Perfect” Alexia sighs softly, moving a little to be more comfortable on the mattress.
You look up at her, admiring the shape of her jaw, her perfect nose, her beautiful eyes, and her so kissable lips.
“What?” she asks when she sees you staring.
“Nothing” you giggle. “You’re just so beautiful.”
She rolls her eyes before closing them, tightening you harder against her. You don’t need anything than her body to keep you warm and you love it.
“Would you be angry if I stopped working there?”
The sudden question makes her open her eyes again to look at you. She seems to be thinking for several seconds before answering.
“Of course not. Why do you want to stop anyway? Is someone nasty with you?”
“Not at all” you deny, already imagine her hunting the person who would do that to you. “I was thinking that… maybe I could finish one of my book projects?”
“You mean one of your thousand amazing scenario who are desperately waiting on your computer?”
“Exactly that” you answer, rolling your eyes.
She teased you way to much about it already.
“If it’s what you want, of course I’ll support you. But what about going out to meet people?”
You see the worried already and you answer, kissing her cheek.
“I’ll go write into a Café or something. Maybe seeing people, crowd and streets will help me to get idea.”
********
That’s exactly what you did, after finishing your job with the media. The first days, you weren’t really effective, more focused on what’s going on around you and which story you want to choose. After some debate with yourself and help asking to your mother and Alexia, you choose to mix two stories and start writing again. It made you start from the beginning, but it’s maybe better like this.
You still get to your psychiatrist to your session twice a week, always a little more scared to go without Alexia. Your psychiatrist told both of you that it could be good for you to come without your girlfriend. Alexia accepted immediately, always being interested in everything that can make you feel better. So on Mondays would go without Alexia and on Fridays you go with her.
You always have a strange feeling without Alexia’s halo, and it’s only happened when you come here. You don’t have trouble to go grocery shopping without Alexia or go to the Café to write.
It’s particularly hard to come today, you talked to Alexia by the phone before your appointment to ease your stress. She seems to realize that something is wrong, because she talks a lot about her day. She only does that to change your mind, and you love her for that.
“Good Morning, Y/N.” your therapist greats you.
You great her back and start talking about your new occupation, your activities since the last time and the travel Alexia proposed to you last night. It was something you can’t stop to think about since she mentioned it, eager to go away for some days in the sun with the woman you love.
“Don’t you think it will be too soon?” the doctor asks sceptically, only looking at her notepad.
You are taken aback. You would never have thought that she can be thinking that it’s a bad idea. She never stops to tell you to go ahead and try new things since the beginning.
“Taking a plane, going to an airport, in a place that might remind you of your trauma? What would you do if you have one of your panic attacks there?”
You don’t know what to answer to that. Alexia mentioned Canary Islands and a private hotel with a private beach, which seems far away from the Middle East.
“No, I mean… I’m going better now. And I’ll be with Ale. Everything will be ok.”
She looks at you this time, raising an eyebrow. Her look is sharp, almost mean and you have trouble swallow your saliva. You feel like a schoolgirl getting bullied by her teacher.
“Don’t you think you already lean too much on the poor girl? Maybe she suggests the holidays to have some rest, are you sure she wants you to go with her?”
You don’t really remember the end of the appointment, but it keeps getting worse. And you don’t know how you managed to find yourself in the Barcelona’s facilities either after it. You can’t think straight anymore, it’s like this woman knew all your insecurities and tell you that you are right to have them. One after the other.
What if she’s right? What if Alexia can’t stand your presence, your toxics dreams and mental health? You already knew that you weren’t good enough for her and that she deserved better. You can’t believe that you let her makes you believe that she can love you. How can she? How can anyone?
You were turning around to go home when you hear someone call your name.
“Y/N?”
You recognize Mariona through your tears, but you can’t say anything. She doesn’t seem to mind though, carefully taking your arm in her hand.
“What are you doing here? Are you looking for Alexia?”
You try to scream at her to let Alexia alone and not to get you to her, but you can’t. When you don’t say a word, Mariona decides to take you to Alexia. Luckily the Majorcan woman came late today and she knows exactly where to find your girlfriend.
You let Mariona drags you around, hearing her soothing voice without being able to understand what she’s saying. Sweets, encouraging words, for sur. You can’t figure out really what happens next, but after several minutes of walk, you hear Mariona calling your girlfriend’s name. And more seconds after, you are surrounded by her arms, her perfume, everything that is her.
Everything that you don’t deserve.
When Alexia realizes that she’s facing a wall and that you won’t say a word, she takes you home. You are like anesthetized at this point, letting her do what she wants with you. It’s only when you are laying on the bed you retake some reality and stare at Alexia who seems to be choosing clothes to put on you after taking a shower.
“I’m breaking up with you.”
The words were lifeless, but you see Alexia froze. She turns in your direction, with eyes wide and the most chocked face ever.
“What?”
“I’m breaking up with you” you repeat, looking at her straight in her eyes.
A silence pass and you see Alexia watching at you, probably waiting for you to say something else. Maybe to explain yourself, but you don’t say another word. Plus, the reasons are obvious, no?
“Are you- don’t you love me anymore?”
She seems broken. That doesn’t make any sense, she is supposed to be relieved, not sad. You don’t understand her reaction, so you shrug before answering.
“That’s not the point, Alexia. You are free. I’m giving you your liberty back.”
“What the hell are you talking about? Are you drunk? Did someone give you something to you?”
She seems angry now, almost shouting with her eyebrows frown. You frown too, because why the hell won’t she understand? You sit in the bed while she’s still standing in front of you.
“No! I just… Why won’t you…”
Why is your brain suddenly transformed in pudding?
You look at Alexia when she comes to you and takes your face between her hands. She does it with so much care that you want to cry again.
“Why don’t you let me break up with you?” you whisper.
“Because I love you. I told you; I’ll fight for us every day if I have to.”
There we are, you are crying again. But this time Alexia is here, she can take you against her, rock you will you cry and whispers sweets nothing in your ears. She waits for your sobbing to stop, holding you tightly. Only when you can breathe normally again, she speaks.
“What happened?” she asks softly.
You don’t know really where to start, so you just shake your head without answering anything. But she waits, again and again. So, after some minutes, you talk too.
“I just want you to be happy. I know you’ll be happier without me.”
“You are wrong.”
Her voice is gentle, but as the same time strong enough to let you know that you don’t have to try to deny it. It’s her truth and that’s enough.
“Well you need to take some time apart from me so it’s not –“
“Where the hell does that idea comes from?”
She’s lost. You were good when you end up your call some hours later. Stressed but good. And then you appeared crying during her training, only to say her when you come home that you want to break up with her. But you frown again, lost too. And tired, to be honest.
“My therapist said that I’m leaning on you too much. And that’s way you wanted to go on holidays without me.”
You explain that like it’s the more logical thing in the world, but for Alexia it doesn’t make any sense. She starts to understand where it comes from however, even if she doesn’t understand why.
“I’m not going anywhere without you, what the point to have holidays if you’re not with me?” she answers, looking right into your eyes. “Did your therapist say other things?”
You nod and start to explain everything happened and everything she told you. The more you talk, the more Alexia seems to be furious. Her jaw is clenched, her eyes are literally throwing lightning and she so tense that you are really concerned that she can have a cramp somewhere. But when she talks to you again, her voice is infinitively soft.
“Nothing of that is true. I love you. I will do everything to help you to make you feel better. I’m not going to give up on you, Y/N. I’m not going to give up on us.”
You look at her, almost desperately. But she has the same gaze that she has when says things like this. Her eyes are soft, caring and so loving that you can’t do otherwise than believe her.
“I don’t feel like I’m better, Ale” you whisper. “I don’t think I will be one day.”
“You are. You are working, you are getting out, you are smiling again. It’s ok to have bad days, like everyone else. Yours are a little more complicated because you had to go through horrible things. But you have the right to not feel good or needing help a little more some days. And what she said was wrong.”
You are lost, honestly. Alexia can see that you are coming back at yourself again though. Like if you are waking up. You seem always a little desperate and she takes you carefully against her. You let her, sighing of relief when you find the comfort of her arms.
“What if she’s right and you haven’t realized for now?”
“She’s wrong. And she will know it.”
You don’t question what she was implying, too tired to realize what her words may imply. You let Alexia taking you in a bath and more generally taking care of you. You look at her through the mirror when she does your hair.
“When I get better, it will be me who will take care of you” you inform her.
She smiles and finish to undo a knot in your hair before answering, looking at you through the mirror too.
“Okay Cariño.”
She’s smiling but doesn’t seem to make fun of you. You relax, letting your shoulder go down a little bit. That’s mean that she really believes that you will be better.
********
Alexia keeps her promise, going to your therapist’s office in the early hours to talk to her. You don’t know what she told her, but now you don’t have to go to your appointments, and you even have a new psychiatrist, advised by someone from Alexia’s staff.
Rumour has it that Alexia’s shouts still resonate in the psychiatrist’s office.
You don’t know if it’s your breakdown of the change of therapist, but some days after this episode, you feel better than ever. You wake up with your head and your body feeling lighter and Alexia is surprised to see you coming in the kitchen when she’s taking her breakfast. Usually, you stay way longer in bed.
“Is everything alright?” she asks nervously.
You nod, rubbing your eyes before coming behind her to pass your arms around her waist.
“Just wanted to be with you a little bit before you leave.”
Alexia hums when you kiss her neck. You can feel a gaze studying you while you are making yourself coffee, before coming to sit next to her.
“Are you sure that you’re ok Cari?” she asks, almost shyly while you stole a strawberry from her bowl.
“I’m sure baby” you smile at her.
Alexia is looking at you suspiciously during several seconds. She red things about people being “high” before getting down and of course she is scared. But you seem really good today and she can’t help but smile when you kiss her cheek.
“Uhu” she said, taping her lips with expectation.
You giggle but kiss her anyway, smiling against her lips. You are still smiling when she strokes your cheek with her fingertips and when she puts her forehead against yours.
“I love you so much” she whispers before kissing you again.
“I love you more” you smiles.
Alexia does no with her head and put a finger on your mouth when you want to talk again.
 “Would you like to come with me to training today?”
You hesitate for several seconds before answering. It’s been a while since you came to see Alexia in training. You can’t remember who you saw some days before, only Mariona. But you hope that they weren’t a lot.
“You can say no if you don’t want to.” Alexia adds after seeing you hesitate.
“No, I want to come. But… Who were here, the other day? You know…”
“Only Mariona. And I’m sure that she doesn’t say anything to anyone.”
You are relieved to learn that, even if you don’t know how Alexia can know.
“Did you treat her?” you smirk.
“No” Alexia laughs. “I know the girl, she’s one of the most loyal, sweet and discreet that I’ve ever met.”
She was right. Mariona didn’t told anyone about what happened and after several minutes you realize that Alexia was right once again. You hug the Majorcan woman a little longer than Alexia’s other teammates when you met them, silently thanking her. She seems to understand because she smiles at you before taping your cheek affectionately.
And today, as you watch Alexia training and laughing on the pitch with the teammates that she considered like her family, you’re starting to have hope again. Alexia was right every time, so maybe she will be right this time again. You will be better.
230 notes · View notes
angels-sins0 · 5 months
Note
i beg you to continue with this fic of ghost, i want reader to gain some strength and make something 😭
Ghost x f!reader
Cw: I apologize in advance, emotionally (un)available Simon, age gap relationship (Simon is depicted in his late 30’s and the reader is around 21), older man!Ghost, young & naive!reader, slight spoilers for MWIII, brief mention of a developing alcohol addiction, hurt/no comfort, angst, screaming and crying, please don’t kill me for this.
Six months had passed since you last saw Simon. Truth be told, you’ve never felt better than you do right now.
You had moved out of your apartment three months ago after getting a promotion at your job, earning more money than you ever thought of having.
Life was good without him. You didn’t have to worry about getting your feelings hurt anymore.
Simon on the other hand, had been going through the worst months of his life.
He lost a good friend of his while on a mission which resulted in him frequenting the bar close to his house more than he’d like to admit.
Work was hard then and it was even harder knowing he couldn’t see you or hear your soft voice again.
He hated whatever it is he felt when he thought about you and the last time you were together. He despised himself for the way he treated you.
He missed your sweet laugh and the way your eyes lit up each time you saw him even if he proceeded to ruin you moments later.
What was it about you that made him feel weird inside whenever he thought of you? If only he felt that way when you were still with him.
Simon felt like he saw you everywhere around him, like you were with him no matter what he did. It was a strange feeling at first but he had learned to succumb to the comfort it brought him.
It didn’t help that you were the main star in his dreams more often than not. Whether it be dreams where he fought harder to have you back in his life or him fucking you in your bed, a guilty part of him enjoyed the latter.
He couldn’t take it anymore. He had to see you, had to look at your face one more time, hold you in his arms and never let you go again.
Simon stood in his apartment and contemplated if he actually wanted to do this.
What if you didn’t want to see him?
What if he was too late and you had found someone who treated you the way you deserved?
He had to try, right? Sure he would be hurt if you didn’t want him anymore but at least he would have some kind of closure.
And so, he made his way to your new place. He had gotten the address from Laswell but not before she made some snarky comment about him finally “getting laid”.
Simon knocked on your door and stood looking down at his feet.
Then you opened the door and he swore his heart could’ve popped out of him at that moment.
“Hey,” he breathed out, but you just stood there, rendered completely speechless by the fact that he was actually in front of you.
“H-how did you find me?” You said after a few moments of silence.
“I’ve got my ways.” He said plainly. You weren’t sure what you were supposed to do.
Should you let him in?
All the while, you both just stared at each other.
“Do you want to…?” What the hell do people even say in these situations?
“Only if you want me to.”
And so, you moved to let him in, closing the door behind you and leading him to sit on the couch.
It was awkward. You didn’t even look at each other, just sat there in silence.
“Why are you here, Simon?” You asked. Why the hell would he show up now?
“I’ve been…thinking a lot about where we left things off.” He looked at you and you nodded slowly at his words.
“And?”
“And I think— I know I was an asshole to you and you didn’t deserve the way I treated you.” He sighed, and you stared at him, dumbfounded.
“It took you six months to figure that out?” You didn’t know what it was exactly that made you so angry. Was it his audacity to show up after all that time and think you’d be okay with it?
Simon went quiet again.
You stood up from the couch. “Do you have any idea what it’s been like for me the entire time you were away? How long I spent crying over something that wasn’t real? We had nothing! And i still felt like you were everything to me…even when I knew you’d never feel that way about me. Did you really think that—I would…let you in again after all this time?”
You couldn’t help the sob that escaped you, covering your face with your hands to wipe away your tears so he couldn’t see them.
He got up as well, slowly approaching you and he gently pulled you into his arms. You reluctantly relaxed into him, the tears still falling from you.
“I’m sorry for making you feel like this…I wish I was better—i want to be better…” Simon cupped your face with one hand, the other still wrapped around you and placed his forehead on yours.
With your eyes still closed, you hadn’t realized he’d lifted his mask up above his mouth. Your faces were impossibly close and he leaned in to connect your lips together in a kiss.
You felt like you were being controlled by something and it made you kiss him back, even when part of you wanted to push him away.
It went on for a couple of seconds before you eventually pulled back and stared at him.
“Is this what you’re really here for?” You said, voice laced with a hint of anger.
“No! Fuck, no! I wanted to calm y’down and it just happened.”
“I wanna be better and i wanna make you happy but most of all I want you to forgive me for how things were between us.” He was almost pleading, his eyes searching yours for any emotion.
You couldn’t help but scoff.
“All these words…and you still kissed me with your mask on, what does that tell you, Simon?”
He stayed silent. “It tells you that no matter what we have, you’ll never be able to feel like you can let your guard down around me.”
“But i-“
“And if we really decide to do this, what happens when you think i’m not enough or when you feel like you don’t want me anymore? How the hell am I supposed to be okay with that?! It took me six months to start feeling better even though what we had was nothing!”
“You are enough! For fuck’s sakes, you are all I’ve ever wanted!”
“Then show me who you are! I’m never gonna be able to love you if I don’t fucking know you, Simon!”
“You know I can’t do that…”
“Well, then you have your answer…” You looked down, not wanting to see his face anymore.
But he couldn’t look away from you, part of him knowing this was the last time he’d ever see you so he wanted to memorize everything about you.
“I think you should go.” You said, breaking the silence between you. “Please don’t try to come here again.”
You looked up at him and for the first time since you’ve known him, Simon looked hurt. You couldn’t help but feel a pang in your heart at the sight of him standing there, trying to salvage whatever this was but ultimately failing.
“Right…”
“I’m sorry for everything I did to you.” Were the last words he spoke before leaving.
On his way home, he had this weird feeling in his chest that he couldn’t explain, it made him realize why he was always so closed off and why he never tried to have something with someone.
Simon has always had this unexplainable fear of being rejected and left alone, and tonight, you invoked that fear further into him.
He had two thoughts that kept circling through his head.
He was never going to love again.
And the second one that pained him every time he would think about it.
You were gone and there was nothing he could do about it.
@ghost-is-my-bbg , @evehasdied , @darlingvinny , @dragonstoneshortcake , @dest-nai , @imhereforthespice , @graciewacey , @annoyinglysweetobject , @7thsthings , @kaa212 , @rorylover71 , @deareststhings , @dxrak , @ghostslillady , @kazuhyahs , @spookyboogyuniverse , @dangelus , @kenz-ee , @goodkittyspost , @puppybittingotherpuppy , @skulfan1 , @prttylilkittn , @emmalandry , @justgivingupsblog , @simpforfic , @ciggsaftersex , @massiveduckkidcookie , @c3r3al-k1ll3r887 , @riverbutghost , @spxctorslxxt , @marriedtoeddie , @delightfulwolflawyerfreak-blog , @sixxslut , @ghostslittlegf , @tf141glory , @ghostswife141 , @prazinos , @toastedkjeks , @naio-kummer , @sunsetsimon , @livingdead-g1rl , @chimochai , @yo1mamma , @loving-azerath , @lanadelreygirly777
790 notes · View notes
crownmemes · 2 months
Text
Tumblr media
Manipulative & Controlling Sentences
(Sentences for manipulative muses, and for those that have had enough of it. Adjust phrasing where needed)
"I don't appreciate you trying to guilt-trip me."
"You do know that it's not a crime to say no to you?"
"Why don't you trust me anymore?"
"Stop being so manipulative!"
"I'm not going to allow you to walk all over me anymore."
"I don't have to explain myself to you!"
"Don't tell anybody else; they won't believe you."
"I'm only doing this because I care about you."
"Why are you always so controlling?"
"You're overreacting; it's not that big of a deal."
"You're so sensitive. Do you realise how silly you look to everyone else?"
"No one else will ever care about you like I do."
"It's not selfish to say no to things that I don't enjoy!"
"Stop making a scene. You're embarrassing me."
"After all I've done for you, you owe me."
"I'm the only one who has ever been there for you. I'm the only one who will ever be there for you."
"Don't talk to me like that. I deserve respect too."
"You can't do anything right, can you?"
"I can't believe it's taken me this long to realise how little you respect me."
"You don't get to decide how I feel."
"Are you even listening to me? Because it doesn't seem like you are!"
"You'd be nothing without me."
"I'm perfectly capable of making my own decisions!"
"Why are you being so paranoid about this?"
"I guess I was wrong about you. I thought you were capable of more than this."
"I'm not overreacting! This is important to me!"
"I can see what you're doing, and I'm not going to fall for it."
"I'm not going to feel guilty when I know I've done nothing wrong."
"Just because you say it doesn't make it true."
"That never happened. You're imagining things."
"I'm not going to argue with you anymore. You're not listening to me."
"We talked about this already, remember?"
"Trust me, this is for your own good."
"If you really cared about me, you would do this - but maybe you don't actually care at all?"
"I'm the only one who truly understands you. You know that, right?"
"You'd do anything for me, wouldn't you?"
285 notes · View notes
outsideratheart · 8 months
Text
Play Nice (Alexia Putellas x reader)
Tumblr media
A/N: Where did this come from you ask, I have no idea.
You knew facing Alexia would be difficult but you didn’t realise that watching her win the World Cup final would bring out a side of you that you would be ashamed of. Seeing her win the very thing you worked so hard for filled you with envy even though you know that she deserved it. 
Once the celebrations died down, Alexia asked you to stay with her, with her family because that is what you are to her but you couldn’t. Your pride was wounded and you knew you wouldn’t be the best company. You wanted her to enjoy the moment and the best way for her to do that was without you because your need to win didn’t allow you to be happy for her. You were so focused on winning that the loss caused you to lose focus on the person that would be by your side long after your career was over. 
It was a dark couple of days for you and as a way not to be reminded of the loss you decided to turn your phone off completely. Alexia had been made aware of this of course. If anything she expected it as you did the same when you lost the champions league final but still having no way of contacting you was something she was struggling with even as she celebrates the title in Madrid with her team.
The Catalonian’s sour mode continues as their celebration tour hits Ibiza. More so because it’s a town that reminds her of you given that she had never been here without you. 
“Alexia, come celebrate with us” Jenni begged as she watched her friend sit at the front of the boat with her legs tangling off the edge.
“I will. I’m going to try and call her again then I’ll join you” 
It was naive of her to think you’d answer but this is the longest you had got without speaking and she desperately needed to hear you voice.
“I will ask Ana to call Patri and see if she can get Y/N on the phone” Jenni suggest. 
“She’s in Barcelona already? She should be resting not punishing herself by returning to training” 
Alexia didn’t know where you were and technically what Jenni said was true but she knew that the call would be no use. She didn’t like seeing her friend so down in what should be one of her happiest moments so she took matters into her own hands. You were a tough woman to get hold off when you go dark but you always followed one rule and that is you had to check in with at least one person. Alexia was so blinded by her worry that she forget the person you told all to was her own mother. 
It wasn’t an easy decision for you to make but you knew that you wanted to celebrate Alexia and all she had achieved. It’s just a shame that would include being around the other Spanish players too. Still, you swallowed your pride and that is how you find yourself on a small boat on the way to the yacht that was anchored just off the coast of Ibiza. 
“Calm down chicas. There’s a lioness on board” Misa teased as you boarded. It was brave on her part and the look she received in response told her to tread lightly. 
“Don’t stop on my part ladies” you say as go on search of your girlfriend “make the most of it, I won’t happen again” you whisper but just enough so that Ana can hear you. The Swiss woman spits out her drink and you wink in response. 
You went to the front of the boat as Jenni said but Alexia was nowhere to be found. You tell the forward to go to the group and you’ll find her yourself. As you wander around the boat having no idea where the next turn will take you, you end up finding Alexia sitting at one of the tables in the lounge area. 
She was on her phone and if you were a gambling woman you would put money on that she was trying to call you. Here she was a world champion yet she was too worried about you to enjoy it and it made you feel incredibly guilty. 
“There’s a party upstairs. Care to join?” You ask. 
“Un minuto” she holds her finger up but her focus remains on the phone in her hand so much so that she didn’t register that it was you who had spoken. 
“Alexia Putellas, put down the phone” you put on your assertive voice one which is very rarely used off the field. 
You now have her undivided attention and you cannot tell whether she is mad at you or happy to see you. Rightly or wrongly the thought last seconds because when she stands you see she is wearing nothing but a blue bikini and a floral wrap around skirt.
“Why are you here?” She stands in front of you waiting for an explanation, one which you know you owe her. 
“A very smart woman told me that I should stop blaming myself and spend some time with my very beautiful girlfriend. Oh and she called me an arsehole” you pretend to act wounded “it was your mother Ale” 
Alexia’s eyes widen as she tries to imagine her mother calling you that because in Eli’s eyes you can do no wrong. 
“I’m sorry I closed down. It’s been a really rough couple of days and I didn’t want to be a dark cloud that covered the sun” 
You had been thinking about what you’d say to her since you boarded the plane to Ibiza. Now was your chance to be open and honest with Alexia but she didn’t have the same need for the truth. 
A finger placed over your lips bringing you to silence. That finger is soon replaced by Alexia’s soft lips. It was the first time you have kissed her since leaving for the World Cup and that is proven by the hunger of the moment. The way you two battle for dominance is not a rare thing and whilst you want nothing more than to finish what Alexia has started, you are aware of your surroundings
“As much as I would like to continue this” you kiss her again “we both know if we don’t stop then I will lose control and it will be very hard for you to stay quiet” 
Alexia pulls away almost as if weighing out her options. Your hands begin playing with the string of her bikini because you knew what you wanted to do. 
“I don’t care” that is her response and you don’t need to be told twice. 
Not even a second later, your hands are roaming her body and you are pushing her towards the closest room.
“Oh my eyes, it burns” Jenni says with impeccable timing as always. 
Alexia pulls away slightly embarrassed that the two of you have been caught even if it was only a heated make out session. She grabs your hand a pulls you towards the stairs that lead back up to the deck.
“I wouldn’t worry about your eyes unless you plan on watching. Cover your ears and go away” you don’t give up but when Alexia playfully shoves the back of your head you know that she is over it and it leaves you no other choice that to admit the mood is ruined.
“Vale, I’m going” you drop your head but not for long because you hear Alexia scolding Jenni behind you.
The group of players on the deck are still very much in a partying mood but it doesn’t bother you as much as you thought it would as they are not throwing it in your face. It also helps that you are able to tune them out thanks to the Catalonian who is laid on your chest running her finger over your protruding hip bone. It is only when her finger travel dangerously close to your bikini line do you stop her by grabbing her hand, bringing it it you mouth and placing a kiss on the back of it.
“Not now. We have an audience” you don’t have to turn around to know that some of the girls will be watching you. 
Most the the girls that are on the boat haven’t seen the two of you be this open with your relationship. Sure they knew you were together, the whole world did, but rarely do they get to see it with their own eyes.  Alexia looks back and is met with several eyes watching the two of you. You laugh at her small huff because you know you are right, something that she hates admitting to you. 
“What are you all looking at” Alexia stands and asks them, slightly annoyed at the lack of privacy even though the two of you are out in the open.
Ona, Misa, Jenni, Laia and Aitana look at the two of you, neither one wanting to speak in fear that they will get in trouble.
“We are going in the water and wanted to know if you were joining us” Laia says.
“We sure are” you jump up and your girlfriend knows by the look on your face that you are up to something “Are you joining us Laia? I can’t wait to see your diving given your practice in the final” 
The way you walk towards her is similar to how you walk towards your opponent on the pitch. You are intimidating and a wave of satisfaction rushes over you when you see her face drop. You stop just in front of her and wait to see if she is ballsy enough to respond. 
“I have a gold medal” She panics and it’s the first thing that comes to mind. 
“And a god awful own goal, don’t forget about that” 
“Play nice” Alexia kisses your shoulder before pulling you to the back of the boat. 
You spend the rest of the day on your best behaviour. The only thing on your mind was celebrating your girlfriend because she truly deserves it. You are no longer England forward Y/N Y/L/N, you are just Y/N girlfriend of World Cup champion Alexia Putellas.
998 notes · View notes
jjks1ut · 4 months
Text
Crawling Back To You
pairing: toji x reader
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
summary:after a major argument having you and Toji breakup here you are to get your things from your apartment but he's ready to convince you to stay, you always come crawling back to him anyways.
cw:explicit content edging, cheating, arguing, manipulation, foul language, degrading, pet names, unprotected sex, tit-sucking, fingering, overstimulation, some praise, p in v, heated making out, slight breeding kink
a/n:hi and happy holidays to all my followers, im so sorry for my lack of content for the longest as for a good while I've lost motivation in writing and been so caught up in life. I hope u can come back and enjoy my writing again even if its a bit rusty :)
Tumblr media
“You already found another boyfriend?” Toji asks, there’s almost a sneer on his face. “You can’t even handle being single for a month.”
He doesn’t even mean what he’s saying, but he hates seeing you move on. Toji’s self-aware enough to know he’s in the wrong. He wasn’t a good boyfriend. That doesn’t mean you’re allowed to move on, though. Isn’t it obvious he still wants you? Why do you need some other guy? Just come crawling back to him like you always do.
“I’m sorry Toji”, were your only words as you began to pack a suitcase to take all the things you had left in his place.
Deep down inside you really didn't want to leave him but after the last argument you two shared. It had been over something so small, but Tojil continued to reject that he was at fault and it drove you crazy and up the walls of your apartment as you yelled at each other all that night, and when Tojil left to go ‘blow off some steam’ you knew this was the last straw.
So after your breakup you found yourself going to parties, bars, and all kinds of social places while you stayed at your friends place hoping to blow off some steam of your own now without Toji in the picture. So when you found yourself hooking up with a guy or two one of them had finally asked to take things further and make you his lover.
Since then you went straight to dating that new someone to get Toji off your mind and push away your deep down longing. When Toji heard your sudden acceptance and eagerness to leave and move on to someone new it cut him deep.
He doesn’t want you to go. He knows he doesn’t deserve to have you in his life. Not after the way he treated you. But just the idea of you leaving? For another guy? No. He can’t let you go. Not this easily. He can’t let you move on from him. He’s not going down without a fight.
“Wait, please don’t leave babe”,he spoke practically begging you to just hear him out and stay as he went to grab for your wrist. Toji looks up at you, the expression on his face shifting as his expression becomes more sincere. He holds your gaze, making his voice soft.
“Please baby, I know I’ve done a horrible job as your boyfriend these past few years. I took you for granted. I didn’t appreciate you the way I should have. And I regret all of that more than you know”.
He continued as he came closer to you, taking your hands in his own as he began to trail light kisses along them trailing them down until they reached your upper arm bringing out a small moan at your lips bringing a smirk from Toji’s smug grin.
Yet even with the way Toji was making you feel, you felt guilty. Your mind was telling you no, to not put yourself in the same situation you had been in with Toji for so long but your body told you something different as you felt the throbbing of your core as Toji’s ever so hulking form was towering over you. But, to your body’s dismay you followed your mind.
“After everything we’ve been through Toji, I just can’t”, you sighed, pulling your hands away as you went back to packing your things.
As you continue to maneuver around the house getting more of your things each time Toji tries to slow you down or stop you spewing apologies. Even trying to convince you to stay a little longer. Probably just even hear him out but you refuse each time.
Toji’s eyes widened at your refusals, not wanting to let you go so easily. He steps in front of you. "Please. Don't. This time it'll be different. I can fix things, I know I can." He steps closer to her.
"I need you. You can't leave me alone to pick up the pieces." That last sentence comes out just as he intended. He needs you. He needs you to be with him. He can't do this alone.
It’s those first three words that make a small ache form in your heart. Somewhere deep down inside you knew he was lying about trying to fix himself. But, the way he spoke those three words ‘I need you’ made you want to come crawling back but you continued to refuse those feelings.
“It’s no Toji”, you protested as you finished with your bag beginning to make your way to the door with your luggage in hand rolling right beside you. But, what was to happen next you didn’t expect.
As you made your way to the door, Toji wasn’t taking your shit anymore and went to the last thought and resort he had. “Does he make you happy? Does he please you the way I do?”He spoke, leaving you to completely stop in your tracks. It’s a question you never wanted to have to answer when it was coming from Toji.
You had to admit the new guy you were dating was a nice man, a great man even but you knew he could never compare to Toji. From the way his hands would roam over the expanse of your body even outside the bedroom just hoping to get you flustered.
From the way you didn’t even have to ask him and he knew you wanted him. Even needed him to fill the intoxicating throb you felt at your core whenever you two were apart. So that’s exactly why you ran straight to another even after only a month apart hoping to fill that void but to your disappointment it never was.
“What did you say?”,you asked, turning to look at him with a slight eye roll.
“You heard me”, he spoke sternly as he stepped towards you with a slow but almost intimidating pace as he carefully took each step approaching you.
When he finally reached you he slammed the slightly open front door behind you shut, having you jump slightly now backed into the door with his hulking form. At this point you could feel the atmosphere thicken and your skin seem to warm at the sudden closeness Miguel was now bringing at his proximity.
“Toji-“,you try to speak but are soon cut off by his hand covering your mouth, feeling the warmth of skin rise even more. “You didn’t answer my question, y/n”. Toji replied with a smirk forming on his smug face as his other hand brushed some of your hair from your face.
“Now tell me, does he please you the way I do? Make you weak in the knees just at his touch?”, he continues his hands now leave their place on you as he steps back giving you any chance at this point now to leave, to walk right out his home and leave him feeling defeated knowing you’re now not his anymore. But your next words surprise him…
“No he doesn’t, and he never will”,you reply stepping an inch closer as you take his hand into your own.
This now brings a smile on Toji’s face as he steps back towards you placing a hand on the side of your face caressing it with his thumb as he presses a soft kiss against your lips. “That’s a good girl”,he whispers as his kisses begin to trail down your neck leaving you to melt into his arms before carrying you back to his(your shared) bedroom.
Once finally in the room Toji tosses you effortlessly onto the cool mattress where you two spent many heated nights together. That has always been the effect of your disputes. Where he would show how sorry he was through the way he laid you out and used you like his own personal slut.
“Be a good girl for me and strip out those clothes of yours”,he demanded without a second thought. You pulled the sweatshirt of yours over your head and slipped off your pants revealing a lacy bra and panties you had under. “I can’t believe the sight I’m seeing right now”, Toji laughed with an amused look written all over your face.
Just a moment ago you had been eager to leave him but here you were undressed in some sexy underwear as if you came here just to do this with him.
“Now tell me, was this little set for me, or that dumb fuck you’re dating instead of me?”. Toji spoke as he came close to your quivering form to lightly hook his finger at the band of your panties and let go just as fast to hear the quick snap of the material against your skin eliciting a soft mewl from your lips.
In any other circumstance these would be bold words and a straight insult coming from anyone else but from him it just made you need him even more as your thighs clamped together on instinct to hold in the way your core began to leak with arousal.
“Come on, talk to me, pretty girl”, he said, holding your face in his hand to make sure you were looking right at him as his brown eyes bore holes into your skull.
“They just looked nice is all Toji'',you replied, placing your hand on top of his. With your words he smiled, pressing a small kiss on your cheek before he completely pulled off the lingerie, tearing off the bra and doing the same with your panties.
“Toji! That was expensive!”you shouted in protest, now completely bare for his eyes to see as you tried to cover yourself with your hands as heat began to rise on your face, contrasting unfortunately with the cool bed sheets.
“Shut up and just let me pound you into this mattress like the dirty little whore you are sweetheart. Besides we can just buy you a new one once we’re back together just as pretty”,he spoke in an almost cruel tone but his words were filled with sincerity almost hinting at the fact you’ll be coming back to him even with your new boyfriend.
Now with you completely bare in front of Toji everything was open and ready for him to access. So to start the night off he continued to kiss you like he did earlier now trailing his kisses from your neck down to your collarbone until it reached your soft mounds as he took one in his mouth flicking his tongue against the erect nipple and doing the same on the other side but with his finger.
“Toji~”, you moaned in ecstasy at the way his tongue ran circles along the tips, having your whole body quiver beneath his touch already clawing at his back for leverage.
“Fuck I missed this feeling baby, the way you feel under my touch. Tell me, does that new boyfriend of yours make you feel like this?”he whispered as he ran a finger along your silk folds in sensual and long strokes as he watched the way you gasped and trembled at the feeling.
“Tojil..I-”, you began to speak but all that came out was a whimper of yours as you felt him push in another finger into your seeping wet heat. “Speak up, pretty thing, I want to hear what you have to say about the bastard. The one that I know could never make you feel the way I do”. He continued as one finger ran circles around your clit as two others of his thrusted inside your puffy folds.
With one swift motion he began to pump his fingers inside separating your folds apart with two fingers of his. Just one of his fingers felt like two, almost three of your own.
“Just shut up already, Toji.” You whined as his pace increased his hands working in tandem with the way your hips thrusted against his fingers hoping to get the best out of the feeling his fingers had you under.
With each thrust all you could think of was Toji and how well he did you, even if it was just his bare hands he knew each and every spot that would have you squirm.
So as his fingers continued their tantalizing pace inside you, it was only a few seconds until your orgasm washed over you causing your back to arch and mouth to fall open in a silent scream, and no matter if you wanted to deny it or not all that could be heard was you screaming Toji’s name as you left your high.
“I knew you missed me”, he smirked as he could already feel the ache from the forming dent in his pants. “You think your ready for what you’ve been missing out on the most'' he smirks as you can already hear the unzipping of his jeans and as he lifts up his shirt showing off his toned pecs he had always been running to the gym to make even bigger and bulky.
But what really had your eyes widening and mouth watering was the dent in his boxers from his member hidden within his drawers. “You think you can take all of me? Or you've gotten used to that other guy’s micro shit”, Toji teased as he slipped off his boxers, slapping his member against your walls as he let it slide up and down your soaked lips watching the way your pussy seemed to puff up at his member against it.
“Look at you, I haven’t even put it in yet and you're soaking wet practically begging me to put it in”, he continued to tease as he took your lips into his own as he muffled your whiny moans with his tongue sucking in your rambling words of release and for him to already use you already which he obliged happily. “You asked for it pretty thing”
Your breath caught, the unexpected contact of his member sending a shiver down your spine. You met his eyes, finding a silver of vulnerability in his usually cheeky behavior as he let out a breathy groan upon entering your soaking cunt. For a moment, the air crackled with an unspoken tension as he let himself take the final push inside you.
“You good sweetheart? You think you can keep going?”, he spoke softly the first time he generally spoke words of comfort without any backhand talk as he caressed his hand along the side of your cheek his thumb running small circles there.
But, once you nodded in consent his fat dribbling tip finally seeped inside your slick walls. Almost instantly your thighs spread unconsciously for his long legs to take place in between them, an arm snaking from below your side to hold onto your hips as he kept a steady pace slipping in out of your hole that was clenching at the large size stretching your walls.
You feel like a fucking toy under him, just taking all of him at once as he pleased but you wouldn’t deny in the slightest you took in every last bit of his cock as you could hear every noise that was coming from the two of you. From your breathy moans of desperation begging for more of him, to his grunts and groans as you dragged your fingernails along his back gasping from each time his cock would hit that sweet spot inside of you.
The feeling of his length’s veins coming in and out of your chasm is so euphoric, and the kisses to your cervix left your body to writhe and squirm. Yet your haze gets more potent once he picks up the pace, rutting into you with increased speed. Your slit, still sensitive from earlier, gets overstimulated with the constant grazes on your gummy walls and jabs to your tender cervix.
And no matter how badly you want to last longer for him and not come so early you can already feel your brain turning into mush from the relentless ruts against your puffy wet lips.
“Toji~, Please I’m gonna come~” , are your last words as you feel your eyes roll into the back of your lids as tears streamed down your cheeks and drool falling past your lips running down your chest but Toji continued his onslaught even with his precise hits to your canal of nerves.
“You just feel so good princess, let me come inside you first.”, he whispered as his finger slipped between your thighs playing with your clit as he watched the way another wash of release was already on your face. “You gonna let me come in this pretty cunt of yours? Let me be yours instead of that stupid bastard?” Toji mumbled into your ear as he grabbed you by the chin forcing you to stare into those green eyes.
The mere thought of having a child is the last thing that should be on your mind. But in a time like this, who in their right mind would be thinking straight? So without a second thought you obliged as you were practically rutting against his thrusts as you watched the way his cock would make its way in pushing the mix of slick and previous orgasms back inside you.
With one final shared moan between you both you felt his hot seed slip inside your walls filling you to the brim. “Fuck I can’t wait to see you with my baby”, Toji sighed with one final breath before falling against the now warm sheets as he pulled you in close.
Later that night, you would wake up to go use the bathroom with Toji dead asleep knocked out with the occasional snoring from the bigger man. But, even with this clear chance to sneak out and leave you had no intention to. Just like he said you would, you came crawling back to him like you always do.
As you pulled out your phone while on the toilet you were met with over 20+ messages from the guy you had been talking to in your time apart from Toji and when you opened the messages you were met with an interesting sight.
There you were sprawled out on the sheets you had just been on with Toji as a video played of your moaning and drooling face crying Toji’s name as he practically made you his bitch on screen ;).
378 notes · View notes
jarofstyles · 7 months
Text
Relaxation & Revelations
Tumblr media
Helloooo. I Hope you enjoy. we're getting into the more serious part now, but it's gotttta be done don't it? 
Check out our Patreon for exclusive writing and early access!
Warning- age gap/taboo relationship
WC- 3.3k
Previous part
____________
Y/N liked playing house with Harry.
It was a real problem, actually.
Her own apartment rarely saw her as she had been spending a lot of her time with her lover at his large, fancy and now mostly empty house. Y/N had helped Lia move in with her girlfriend, albeit a little bit fast in her opinion, she wasn’t one to judge. She was quite literally banging her father. All she could do was be supportive.
It was a weird mixed feeling in her chest. On one hand, she saw how fucked up it was. How she was betraying her trust, how she understood how it would disturb her if she had done the same- though no offense to her own, but she was safe in that aspect. It was not the best person to choose to fuck around with, but this aspect may be worse.
Falling in love with your best friend’s father is arguably worse.
Y/N knew it was going to blow up in her face at some point, but ever the optimist, she had decided to try and look at the positives and understand that whenever it came out, she would need to deal with the repercussions like an adult. Take whatever reaction there was and deal with it. It would be valid, regardless.
One of the mixed things was that Lia had caught on  about Harry seeing someone. She had wrinkled her nose and told Y/N that she had seen scratch marks on his back with no way he could cause them when she’d went to swim, that he had a hickey (that she had no idea Y/N had sucked onto his skin), and he had been noticeably happier. She had talked about how miserable he had been after the divorce, how for years he had hovered a bit because Lia had been his one focus, but she as glad that he was giving her space to breathe as an adult who was now out of college and supporting from a healthy distance.
“Y’know, I’m just happy he’s smiling again. He was whistling last time I came into his home office, ordering flowers. It’s gross because he’s my dad but cute because he deserves a second chance at love. Just like you!”
Y/N had felt both happy and guilty after that conversation.
Since moving out, Y/N had a steady drawer building in his closet. Her hair ties in a drawer in his bathroom. His room was their safe space considering Harry had built boundaries with Lia about it being his personal space when she got older, needing a room that wasn’t overrun with her stuff and a private place to breathe- just as he promised to stay out of her room. Y/N was free to lounge about his room without a care, use his giant marble bathroom to bathe and giggle with her bath bombs while Harry finished up work calls.
It was a nice little housewife roleplay. One Y/N realized could potentially be a reality if she played her cards right. Harry seemed to be just as into her, but she was still worried. He spoiled the shit out of her with his affection and newly, gifts, but she was always watching to make sure she didn’t overstep.
At some point they needed to have the dreaded ‘what are we’ talk, but right now? She really couldn’t risk messing it up. She was too happy, too comfortable with their slowly developing dynamic.
Sitting in the jacuzzi tub, the bubbles moved about as the jets massaged her back, a book in her hand as she enjoyed her bath. Harry’s bathroom was stupidly gorgeous. It had exquisite white and gray marble walls and floor, adding a touch of elegance to the room. The tub was surrounded by marble steps leading up to it, making getting in and out of the tub easy and safe, the depth of the tub something she hadn’t seen before.
The bathroom also had separate Mr & Missus sinks, each with their own marble countertops and elegant faucets. The Mr sink held a darker marble countertop, while the Missus sink had a lighter, veiny marble countertop. The sink was separated by a wide vanity mirror with those circular light bulbs to give the best possible lighting- though it was a tiny bit unforgiving, she could admit. No one needed to see pores that well. Underneath the vanities included cabinets and shelves for towels and other bathroom essentials- built in, Harry had provided. Made just for this particular bathroom, the black paint shiny and unscuffed.
The bathroom’s large shower with frosted glass entry doors also had a built-in bench. She could sit in the fucking shower! And… do other things. Harry liked that part and had shown her just how useful it could be.The space was complete with touches like gold-accented fixtures, eucalyptus hanging from the shower, monogrammed plushy white towels that probably cost more than her entire room at home, and a cozy, fluffy bathrobe hanging on the door- and he had sneakily brought one for her, too. The thought made her flustered. Harry was a very detail oriented person, and the things he could remember were slightly unsettling. He’d remembered her brand of face wash after seeing it once. One time!
Relaxing here had been a welcome part to her day after her shift. Being on her feet hadn’t done her well today, especially after being berated by entitled customers who thought that the prices were too high- as if Y/N herself made them. Being able to come here and crumble into Harry’s arms, have him wipe her pouty tears and promise her a meal after he finished his work for the day had made it significantly better.
“What’s the pretty girl reading?”
Y/N jumped, almost dropping the book into the foamy water as her heart pounded in her chest. She had been distracted and lost in thought, not hearing him enter in the slightest. “Fuck! You scared the shit out of me.” She squeaked, placing the narrowly saved book down on one of the steps outside the tub, her hand resting over her thundering heart.
“I wasn’t exactly quiet.” Harry laughed, that crooked grin making her want to sink down further into the bubbles. It was unfair that a man could be that devastatingly attractive. “Tripped over one of your shoes.”
Y/N pursed her lips together as she looked up at the ceiling, pretending she knew nothing about said shoe. “I dunno who’s shoe that could have been. Surely it wasn't mine!” Harry had warned her about it prior. Her two true bad habits were leaving her fake eyelashes on his nightstand- which he had once mistaken for a spider and squeaked, making Y/N laugh so hard she snorted- and leaving shoes in the middle of the room.
“Mm… I know I don’t own pink, fuzzy sandals.” He shot her a look. “”But I’ll forgive the discretion for a kiss.” Leaning over the foamy, rose and vanilla scented bathwater, he tilted her chin up and pressed his lips on to her own. The man took a seat on the side of the tub, Plaid trousers paired with a white button up that had the sleeves rolled up. His forearms looked particularly delicious, the vein she usually drooled over showing as he used his arm to hold himself up. Glasses sat in his hair, the reading pair not needed for seeing her face.
“Everything okay?” She chirped, looking at his tired eyes. Harry worked hard, despite having moved a lot of his days to work at home. He preferred it. As charming as he was, he was a homebody, a slight introvert. His work was better when he could stay home and focus.
“Mhm. Now it is.” He let out a sigh, taking one of her dampened hands in his own as he played with her fingers. “Had a long day of calls. Sort of takes the wind out of me. What was it you said- need to charge my what battery?” His eyes squinted as he tried to remember what she had told him a few weeks ago.
“Social battery?” An empathetic smile was given when he nodded. “I understand that. Mine too. We both have tomorrow off, though… So if you can stand seeing my mug for another day, we can sit and watch that show you wanted….” Even after a few months of this developing arrangement? Relationship? She felt a little nervous to invite herself to stay over.
Obviously, Harry did not feel the same. His face lit up at the suggestion, shaking his head at her self-dig. “I always want t’see your face.” He said seriously. “So pretty. My favorite one.” Leaning over, he playfully pinched her cheek to make her smile. “I think that’s a lovely idea. Don't really want to see anyone but you anyways.”
It was a little scary how quickly that had become true. Y/N had become his person very fast and it had happened without his permission.
It was easy with her. Once that tiny hint of awkwardness at the beginning where they didn’t know how to navigate the new development had fallen away, he found himself indulging in her. Spending more time than just the sex they had initially had. There was no way he could just simply fuck her and leave- even though he’s had to in the past- considering he’d always cared about her on at the very least, a human level. It had them planning nights away, Harry renting a hotel room for them for a night here or there, texting each other daily, even just to chat. She’s been so supportive and kind and he was fucked.
Her beaming grin nearly knocked the wind out of him, warm cheek leaning into his hand at his response. He could feel the smile against it, how she was flushed-  from more than just from the bath. Harry had that effect on her, had her smiling and blushing and he wanted to make her giggle all over again.
He always wanted to make the woman happy. More than he wanted to make her cum- and that was a fucking lot. This was a potential problem, sure, but he wasn’t about to give her up. He knew the risks that it was taking. Greatly upsetting his daughter, ruining a friendship, hurting his own relationship with her- but he just liked her so, so much.
——-
Y/N was older than Lia by 2 years, having started uni later because she wanted to work for a bit and save up some money for when she went. The girls had clicked immediately when they’d met in their third year. The first time she and Harry met, she had been polite. Sweet. Complimenting his car as she approached it with Lia, looking in interest and offering to help them both carry up her stuff into their apartment. Harry had found them both a good place and Y/N had offered to pay rent to him- but he gave her a very discounted rate. She had said she wasn’t comfortable accepting a free place which he could understand, but she was in uni. He’d feel like shit pocketing any of the money. So instead he had simply used the money to help buy them furniture when it broke, get them meals when it was a special occasion, putting it back into them.
He had seen her quite a few other times after the first meeting. She had begun to pop up all around, coming home with Lia on a break or a long weekend, going on their boat in that first summer, hanging around the house when Harry had worked more at the office. She’d become a fixture for a while. He’d enjoyed their conversations, her energy refreshing and sweet- but he hadn’t had any sort of feelings for her. Y/N had just been a kind girl that he appreciated talking to and being a good influence on his daughter. She’s been beautiful the entire time, sure. But there had been something those few months ago that had just made it all snap into place.
Last summer they hadn’t come over in a long while. Their last year of school had been hard on both of them, and he understood that they hadn’t wanted to take the trips back up to see him as often. He’d sent groceries and care packages for both of them, knowing that he had more than enough money. Y/N didn’t ask, but had become close with his daughter and had her straightened out a little bit. He wanted to treat her as well. The man had turned a blind eye to the credit card charges for clubs and bars because she had been on a straightened path for a while and her grades had improved.
Harry loved his daughter with his entire heart, but he knew that she had been a bit of a difficult friend for Y/N for a while. She had dragged her into things and made her play mother hen quite a few times. Sure, he knew she liked to have a good time out but there had been a period of time where he had gotten a few phone calls from a frantic Y/N asking if he could track Lia’s phone, or if he could see if she used the Uber account. Most of the time she had run off with a guy or girl and Harry had been apologetic those few times when Y/N had been the one to go off and find her. After the 3rd time, Harry had properly told Lia off and scolded her, letting her know that she was lucky to have a friend who cared as much for her as Y/N had and if she continued she would more than likely lose her for her own selfish actions.
Since then she had calmed- for the most part.
Having an empty home now, with Lia now moved in with her girlfriend, would have crushed Harry if it hadn’t been for Y/N. It had been different when she was at school, but knowing she left and didn’t necessarily want to come back except to visit had hurt his heart. He’d been lonely for a while, with the divorce and his daughter going away to school, but he had always counted on her coming back and staying for a while.
The man had a decent arrangement of friends, but only a few people he trusted. He was truly a homebody and kept a very tight knit inner circle, but it hadn’t been the same as having someone with him. Within arms reach. Someone who could lounge around in the living room while he worked and a face to greet him in the kitchen when he came out at lunch to grab a snack. He loved Mitch, but he knew he wouldn’t want to sit in his kitchen and make him a snack just out of the goodness of his heart like Y/N had been doing.
He also knew Mitch was going to be a bit shocked at the revelation of who he had been spending his time with lately as he sat at the bar with him- but he hadn’t expected him to choke on his beer, coughing up a storm as he grabbed at a napkin. His friend was usually calm, cool and collected, someone he thought would never be phased. Turns out, he had been wrong.
“You’ve been seeing who?” He asked once his throat was clear and his nose didn’t burn from the uptick of beer that had gone right up it.
“Y/N.” Harry said, blinking right back at him.
“As in, Y/N your daughter’s best friend? That one? Her old roommate?” He was speaking lowly and monotone, but he knew his friend. He knew he was absolutely shocked.
“Yes, her. Listen, I know it’s not ideal but it just… it happened. And I came to tell you because I’m so fucking happy but equally as terrified. Lia is going to be so upset and I don’t want that to happen, but things are getting deeper with Y/N and I finally-” he was interrupted by his friend cutting him off.
“Yes, Harry. Lia is more than likely going to be upset that her father and best friend are involved. It’s a natural thing. I’m positive she would never expect that.” He stressed. “It will be normal for her to be upset. I’d more than count on it.”
“Gee, thanks for the support.” Harry muttered, raising his glass to the words.
“No. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t be happy, H. I’m saying you need to expect that. It’s the reality of the situation. Y/N and Lia are not going to be the same but you need to ask if that’s a risk you’re willing to take.” His face softened a little bit seeing the anxiety written clearly on Harry’s features. It had been so long since he had that little light in his eyes again, and no one would want to ruin it. But he had to be a good friend. “Listen… I want you to be happy, Harry. We all do. But you need to wait and see if this is what you truly want. Don’t jump into telling her yet. In other instances I’d say honesty is the best but… If this doesn't last, if you start to get cold feet, you don’t want to cause an upheaval for no reason.”
Mitch didn’t want to doom the relationship- even though he sort of suspected he had having some sort of midlife crisis, he won’t mention it- but he wanted Harry to think and not get ahead of himself. “Have you guys talked about it yet?”
Harry squirmed slightly in discomfort, eyes falling to the glass of amber liquid in his hands. They hadn’t. It was a lot of reading between the lines. A lot of going off of emotions. He had real feelings, but what if she didn’t? What if this was just a fun fling for her? She was a twenty-something year old. Did she want to settle down? He wasn’t in a rush, but he didn’t have time for games anymore. He was grown. Did Y/N want something serious?
It had progressed over time. At first, it was a bit of dirty, naughty fun. He liked her a lot as a person and the sex had been hot and tickled a taboo part of his fantasies, but it had grown. Evolved. She stayed with him half the week, she slept in his bed, curled up in his arms as she listened to him read the news on the phone in the morning. She made him coffee and brought it to him in his office, sat in his lap while he scrolled through emails. It had gotten to the point where they didn’t even have sex every day. They’d kiss, cuddle, they’d chat, but it felt a lot like a relationship. One he had always wanted when he was younger. Far from innocent, but pure in its own form.
They needed to discuss the emotional aspects of it, but he was scared. Terrified, even, to bring it up and potentially ruin or disturb the lovely routine and vibe they had now. He didn’t want to scare her away, but Mitch was right.
He needed to know if this was real.
652 notes · View notes
psychedelic-ink · 8 months
Text
𝐒𝐖𝐄𝐄𝐓 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐆.
DAY ONE OF HAUNTED HOEDOWN
prompt: taboo au + "i'll be your dirty little secret, if that's what you're into."
pairing: stepbrother!frankie x santi's gf!reader
genre: explicit smut, minors dni
summary: you were seventeen when Frankie became your stepbrother, but no matter the title, he never felt like a brother to you, going off to college right after your father remarried. But no matter the circumstances, he was still off limits. Years pass and when he returns from the army your relationship with him is even more strained. You end up settling for the second best thing instead, his best friend. Everything seems to be going fine until Frankie stays over and Santi needs to leave for work.
word count: 5k
warnings: infidelity (reader cheats on santi), stepcest, possesive!frankie, y'all this fic isn't morally okay at all but it's not exactly "dark" it's just really messed up so read with caution, breeding kink, dirty talking, fingering, mild degradation kink, male masturbation, piv, oral sex, spitting, pillow humping, size kink, poor santi didn't deserve this, size kink, cuckolding kink???? (santi isn't there but frankie gets really turned on talking about it)
a/n: i don't know who's or what's gonna do it but I need someone to forgive me for this. also hopefully this turned out okay, it's very loosely edited and feel a bit all over the place but hopefully I'm just overthinking it. enjoy babes
Tumblr media
Your father remarried when you were seventeen. 
You felt cheated at the time. And not because your father had found love again—no, that made you quite happy actually. You just wished he’d done it sooner, you could’ve benefited from having a big brother early on. Your relationship with your birth mother wasn’t easy, especially when you were young, and having someone there to vent to would’ve been like a dream. Your dad listened, but you know he felt someone guilty for it even though it wasn’t his fault. 
Frankie was only three years older than you. Sadly, he didn’t stick around for long, going off to college a year later. But his visits were frequent enough that you two developed a somewhat friendly relationship.
Emphasis on the somewhat. 
Being young and dumb, you developed a crush on him instead. It was an innocent thing. Just some hearts around his name and following him around like a duckling whenever he was around. Your dad and stepmom found it cute, endearing. Frankie seemed indifferent most of the time. He listened when you needed to vent, brought you soup when you were sick and your parents were working—and that was pretty much it. 
Then he went and joined the army. 
You remember the chaos that decision brought over the household. You were applying for colleges all on your own, your dad busy trying to console your stepmom, the latter being distraught over the potential of losing her son. You were just. . . sorta around, floating and looking over them, listening without really being there, just. . . there. 
A month later you were surprised to find a letter addressed to you. There was one for his mom and one for you, you just stared at it, confused when your dad handed it to you. 
You opened it in your room. You swore the damn paper smelled like him, the beat of your heart too loud to your own ears. 
You read it. There was only one sentence scribbled down, his handwriting even more crooked than usual. 
I’m sorry. 
You didn’t write back to him. You had no idea why he was apologizing and you were too afraid to ask at the time. During your first day of college you just assumed it was because he left you to deal with the mess his absence caused. 
Then he returned. 
The house was bustling when you came for your weekend visit. Your stepmom grinning from ear to ear when you arrived, hugging you tight with tears shining in her eyes. Frankie had brought a friend with him, a friend almost as handsome as him. 
Said friend had smiled at you, squeezing your hand tight, “Santiago,” he introduced himself. He stayed over for about a week and so did you, charmed by this sudden stranger that was your brother’s best friend. 
Frankie didn’t address the letter. Or what he’s written inside of it. He was the same as he’d ever been and for a second you doubted if you ever did receive a letter. But you knew you did. You still had it. 
At the end of the week, Santi officially asked you out, telling you that he’d already spoken to Frankie about it. You almost laughed at the absurdity of the whole ordeal. It wasn’t like Frankie ever was protective towards you, you were pretty sure Frankie couldn’t care less about who you dated. But nonetheless, you said yes, hoping that Santi would bring you the normalcy you so desperately craved. 
And he did. You were happy, enjoying every moment you spent with him. Santi didn’t push you aside, he didn’t make you feel like you had to fight for his attention. You didn’t have to play tricks or games, you weren’t second place to no one. Finally, you felt like the lead in your own goddamn life and you would always feel grateful to him for that. 
You couldn’t say the same thing with your relationship with Frankie thought. He completely iced you out, only talking to you normally when people were around, especially Santi. No one seemed to notice. You wanted to ask him about it but too much of a coward to do so. And honestly, you didn’t have it in you to care anymore. Neither you nor Frankie were young anymore; if he had a problem, he could just ask.
Three months into your relationship, you moved in with Santi. 
Tumblr media
The setting sun's warm, orange glow pours through the open windows. A gentle breeze brushes against your skin, as you place a cup of hot black coffee on the table in front of him.
Santi sits on the couch, absorbed in the files from work. His fingers flip through the pages as he studies them intently. The soft rustling of paper mingles with the soft summer air. 
You sit next to him, your legs brushing together. Unlike him, you didn’t hate yourself so you were cooling your insides down with an iced coffee. You take a sip, your eyes eating at the way the sun kisses his skin, sharpening his jawline further. 
“Thanks,” he mutters, lifting his mug to your lips. His eyes find yours midst of drinking. “What are you looking at, querida?” he asks, lips twitching into a smile. 
“Oh nothing,” you hum. “Just looking at my very hot boyfriend.” 
“Very hot hmm,” Santi places the mug on the coffee table and gives you all his attention. “Seems like someone’s gonna miss me when I’m away.” 
Before you can quip back, he pulls you to his lap, your thighs framing his hips. You instinctively grind down and let out a shuddering breath, Santi drops his head back against the couch. “Fuck, you really are going to miss me, aren’t you? Sweet thing.” 
You cradle his jaw with both hands, leaning in, you press your lips together. Santi eagerly licks the seam of your lips, a silent order for you to let him in, you do, moaning at the feel of his tongue dancing alongside yours. He sucks the air from your lungs, tracing every inch of you with his tongue, a shiver runs up your spine, your body rubbing against his despite yourself. 
When he parts away you take in the sight of his swollen lips, his lustful gaze. Your heart skips a beat and your insides flush. 
“Oh, by the way, Frankie called,” he says out of the blue and out of breath. 
Well, that certainly kills the mood. 
“He needs a place to crash a couple of days, is that alright?” his eyebrows raise. “I’m actually surprised you don’t know. What kind of sibling relationship do you two have?” 
“You know we never actually lived together right?” you shrug. “But of course, he’s my brother and I love him. He can stay as long as he wants to.” 
He nods. “Good,” then nods again before giving you a quick peck on the lips. “It’s a bummer I won’t be here when he arrives.” 
“You could’ve rescheduled.” 
“This isn’t that kind of job sweetheart, you know it.” he nuzzles your cheek, feeling your discomfort. “But anyway, I’ll see him plenty when I get back.” 
You draw him into another kiss, and you take your time with it, feeling the fat strokes of his tongue delving into your mouth as you part your lips further. You wish he’d be here when Frankie comes. He still doesn’t talk much unless there are others around and after all these years you don’t know what you did to anger him enough so that he’d hold a grudge. 
Santi moans into your mouth and cups your breasts, toying with your hardened nipples with his thumbs. You wonder how okay he’d be with it if he knew about your past crush on Frankie. He’d probably laugh it off, it was a long time ago anyway. 
Your mind drifts to Frankie. To his messy curls the ballcap he refused to take off. Deep down you wonder what his reaction would be in learning about your past crush. A gush of heat rolls down your spine, slick gathering at the seams of your underwear. Santi's fingers glide downward, tracing the path between your legs. You shudder, a moan breaking through your lips. 
You’re not sure who you’re thinking about right now, two faces merging as one. 
Tumblr media
You’re sitting on the couch, rigid, when you hear the knock that you hoped never came. 
All day you’ve been pacing around thinking about it, thinking about Frankie. He hadn’t called you not even once. All of his travel info was forwarded to you by Santi. It hurt to a degree. Him ignoring your presence so forcefully. You haven’t visited home in ages just because you knew he was staying there, helping your dad with the business. Sometimes you teased your father that Frankie was the son he’d always wanted, and despite your awkward laughter, you knew there was some truth to that statement. 
Another forceful knock. 
You finally push yourself off the couch and head to the door. Blood pumps vigorously through your veins, your heart beating too fast—too loud. You don’t have time to calm yourself as you yank the door open. 
His eyes immediately meet your own. Dark like chocolate chips but bitter like coffee. Sweat clings to his skin, hair curling at the ends, his shirt darkened in color sticking to his sternum, highlighting the contours of his chest and the swell of his stomach. You swallow. 
“Hey, Frankie,” you make a move to help with his luggage but he pulls it away before you can touch the handle. Filled with unease, you take a step back and leave enough room for him and his luggage to pass through. “How was the flight?” 
“Good.” 
Jesus, why does he always make everything so difficult? 
You close the door when he fully steps in, he does a brief once-over across the living room. His eyes linger on the picture of you and Santi on the coffee table, then quickly turn back to you, ignoring his own picture entirely. “Which room am I in, hermanita?” 
Your eyes widen at the endearment, your pulse picking up again. It had been years since he last called you that. “Uh. . . last room down the hall,” you murmur, mind absent. When he’s about to leave, you grip his arm, stopping him. His muscles tense underneath your touch, his eyes burning holes into the hand that’s holding him. “I cooked,” you say, choked. “You must be hungry, let’s eat first then I’ll show you around.” 
Frankie rolls his shoulders and moves his jaw from side to side. You’re about to take back your offer when he sighs, his shoulders dropping. “Fine. Okay.” 
Tumblr media
You’re heating up the food when Frankie walks through the kitchen door. He’s wearing a clean shirt, cheeks damp from where he splashed water over himself. 
“Smells nice,” he mutters, standing next to you and peering from above your shoulder. “Is that mom’s recipe?” 
“It is,” a soft smile touches your lips. His eyes follow the curve of it, a slight surprise etching between his brows. “But I don’t make any promises about the taste. It’s my first time making it.” 
“You shouldn’t have.” 
There’s something in his tone that prompts you to stop your stirring and look at him. You’re surprised to find him already staring. His eyes clouded, lips tight as his gaze searching yours. “I shouldn’t have. . . what?” you ask very slowly, every word chosen very carefully. 
“Cooked,” he’s so unbelievably close. So close that you can hear the rasps in his voice, feel the heat of his breath across your cheeks. Your breath catches in your throat, heat pooling in your stomach. 
“O–Oh, well it’s nothing,” you force a chuckle. “Didn’t want to feed you something you didn’t like when you’re already probably uncomfortable.” 
He laughs, a sound you hadn’t heard in such a long time. Your body vibrates with the sound. “What am I? A dog?” However, the moment is fleeting like the sand dancing under the wind. His brows furrow. “What do you mean uncomfortable?” 
Ah, so much for picking your words carefully. 
You shrug and turn off the stove. Your eyes move up to the cupboard, you so desperately want to break away from the hold the close proximity has on you but it just feels good to be physically close to him again. He’s taller than Santi, that combined with broad shoulders and chest, Frankie’s presence can be quite demanding when he wants it to be. You guess that right now is one of those moments. He cups your chin, his fingers brushing against your neck. Your throat bobs heavily under his palm, sweat gathering at the small of your back. 
“Don’t play dumb,” you answer him sharply. “You barely talk to me when we’re alone. You didn’t even tell me you were staying over or your itinerary, I had to learn it all from Santi,” you break away from his grip, your anger starting to boil over. Frankie’s unphased by your sudden movement. “So what? All of that changes just because I cooked for you? Just because you only now noticed that I actually care about you? Do you have any idea how—” 
You clamp your lips shut. It was too much— too much threatening to bubble out. The inside of your mouth feels like sandpaper, your throat convulsing painfully as regret coats your tongue. You dare a glance at Frankie. He doesn’t seem taken aback by your outburst. In fact, he’s giving you a look as if he’s been waiting for this. 
“I know that you care,” he murmurs and you look away, the softness in your tone more than enough to convince you that he knows. And he had known, all this time. “I had to ice you out. I didn’t have much of a choice.” 
You need to hear him say it. You need him to tell you that he knows—you need him to blatantly tell you that every time you averted your gaze at the last second years before. . . he noticed. 
“Choice in what? Just tell me,” you wrap your arms around yourself, feeling like your entire body might shatter into a billion pieces at any second. 
He gives you a knowing look, eyes moving up and down your figure. “You know why.” 
“So as always it’s my fault.” 
“What?” he blinks rapidly and comes closer, hands finding your waist in an odd sense of familiarity. “No no, it’s not your fault. I. . . I was protecting you,” he licks his lips, eyes dropping to your mouth. “I was. . . protecting you from myself.”
You shake your head, fighting every urge to nuzzle his neck like a wounded animal. To smell his scent to soothe you. God, you’re unbelievable. And here you thought all your feelings had disappeared, apparently, they were just laying dormant under the flesh and bone. 
His nails bite into your skin despite your clothes. 
“Do you know how hard it was seeing you with him?” he spat the last word as if it was poison. A shiver crawls up your spine, needles digging into your skin. “You started to look at him the same way you used to look at me. I had to pull away.” 
“You were jealous?” you ask, confusion crossing your face. “Why didn’t you just tell me?” 
“Because it’s wrong, hermanita.” 
The Spanish hit his tongue more violently this time. A reminder of what this relationship was supposed to be. However, the word doesn’t stop him from coming closer and closer, until his lips are only a breath away. 
“We’ve never been brother and sister, Frankie,” you say voice surprisingly hoarse. “Everyone knows that.” 
He scoffs, “You’re dating my best friend.” 
For that, you don’t have an excuse. All you can do is swallow and nod, his chest now flush against his, the only thing separating you to is your own arms that were still squeezing you tight. 
Frankie observes you a second longer, eyes flitting across your face; taking in the sight of your parted lips and dilated pupils. “But,” he continues, voice dangerously low. "I'll be your dirty little secret, if that's what you're into."
Tumblr media
You enter the bedroom and as soon as you do guilt rapidly builds in your chest, Frankie is right behind you, closing the door while your gaze remains glued to the picture that’s on your nightstand. A picture of you and Santi; there’s frosting on his nose from your birthday cake, your face split in a huge smile. You also remember being mildly bummed that Frankie hadn’t called. 
He follows your gaze, frowning when he notices what it was that you were staring at. With large steps, he walks over to the frame and slams it down. 
“Do you want this?” he breathes out, voice nothing but gravel. He doesn’t turn to look at you, his face lowered to the nightstand. “Because if you don’t, you have to tell me.” 
He’s asking the wrong question. 
You walk up to him, sliding your arms to his front as you press your forehead between his shoulder blades. 
Of course, you want this. 
The question he should be asking is if it’s worth throwing everything away just for one night. Because this is what that was. You don’t think you can hide it, and you’re not even sure if you want to hide it. 
Being with Frankie tonight means that you’re saying goodbye to Santiago, whether you tell him or he figures it out. 
You clutch the front of his shirt. It’s damp with sweat. You press a kiss, enjoying the moisture gathering at your lips. “Do you?” 
He turns around and grabs your face, pulling you to him immediately. Your mouths crash together, tongue and teeth eager to explore more of the other. He’s already pulling you away before your brain can’t even comprehend the taste of him, “More than anything,” he growls, hands still cradling your face. “Get on your knees.” 
Your drop instantly, not even bothering to take off your shirt. Warmth blossoms all over your skin as he drops his pants along with his boxers, cock already hard and ready. He starts stroking himself and tilts your head back. “Open your mouth,” he orders. 
Slotting the head of his cock between your lips, fist moving up and down his length. You close your lips around him, dipping your tongue into the slit. He groans with a rock of his hips, the first drops of precome stain your tongue, a loud moan ripping from your throat. You desperately want to bury your hand between your legs, your clit throbbing angrily. 
Frankie moves his hand away from his cock and brackets your head with both hands, pushing you forward down his cock. Only halfway down and you begin gagging, struggling for breath. You knew he’d be big, you just weren’t aware of how big. 
A cruel laughter rings above you, “That’s it?” he asks. “That’s all you can take?” you look up, eyes teary as he thrust a little bit more. Your throat squeezes helplessly around the width of him, your nostrils flaring. Frankie clicks his tongue, “My poor baby sister,” he tuts. “You’re not used to taking something this big huh?” 
You attempt to convey an answer but end up choking around him instead, your lids flutter, wet lashes kissing the skin under your eyes. “I guess I’ll have you train you myself,” your nipples harden at the promise, slick gathering at the seams of your underwear. “But later,” he says and much to your disappointment, pulls out. 
You breathe heavily, chest heaving as oxygen floods your lungs. 
“Strip,” he says, pulling off his shirt and kicking his pants away. “And get on the bed.” 
“So bossy,” you mutter, and as soon as you do, Frankie tugs you roughly against him, his tongue slipping between your lips hastily. He doesn’t allow you to breathe, mouth moving before you get the chance. He licks deeper into your mouth, and sucks your tongue as he parts away. Your insides flush. Your head spinning and legs trembling. Lightheaded, you grip his shoulders. 
“I’m not bossy,” he grunts, wet lips touching your forehead. “I’m just eager.” 
That makes both of you. Quickly stripping, you climb the bed waiting for him to show you just how eager he was. 
Instead, he walks around the bed, examing the pillows, “Which one is his?” 
“Santi’s pillow?” you raise an eyebrow. “It’s the one on the left.” 
He takes it with a hum, “Spread your legs,” he says and when you do, he places the pillow between them. Your heart races, a surge of arousal coursing through your veins. You don’t lower yourself down on the pillow, too embarrassed to do so. Frankie sits on the footstool at the end of the bed and takes his cock into his fist. He stares at you expectantly. 
“Uh—What am I supposed to do?” 
His cat-like grin makes you realize he wanted you to ask that, he leans forward, touching himself slowly, “I want you to make a mess of his pillow,” he groans. You clench at the order, your cheeks heating at how slick you’ve gotten just from the thought of it. “I want you to drench it so when he lays his head, he knows you don’t belong to him.” 
Frankie’s gaze flash with hunger, it frightens you to a degree, how angry he truly is. 
The fact that you actually do it, frightens you more. 
You lower yourself onto the pillow, feeling its softness beneath you and a strange thrill whispering through your body as your arousal surges higher. With a moan, you begin to ride the pillow, sinking your hips deeper with every thrust. You feel it grazing your clit, a whimper dropping from your lips. Mouth agape, you lift your gaze to Frankie. 
He’s stroking himself with a smile, wet noises coming from his fist fill the room, he swipes a thumb over the head. Your mouth flooding with saliva, you press against the pillow harder, the muscles of your legs clenching. Frankie notices and spreads his legs further, giving you a show of cupping his balls before moving his hand up again. 
“You look like you’ve never seen cock before,” he purrs. “You can’t wait can you? For me to fill that hungry pussy up. Don’t worry, big brother is going to take care of you.” 
“Fuck—” you can feel your body becoming increasingly slick, your breathing heavy and labored as pleasure ripples across your skin. Your body tenses and trembles as you rock against the pillow relentlessly, the coil tightening as you circle your hips. 
Dampness gross underneath you, Frankie’s eyes fixed on where you and Santi’s pillow connect. You’re embarrassingly wet, strings of slick stretching between. Your movements start to slow as your orgasm nears, it’s too much and you have the need to just bend over and let Frankie fuck you hard without any of the games. 
The legs of the footstool drag against the hardwood floors, the sound making you jump. Climbing the bed, he sits on his knees, “Let me feel how wet you are,” he groans. He pushes his hand between your legs without waiting for an answer. He slips a finger in, your eyes rolling back at the pressure. “He can’t get you this wet can he?” he asks rhetorically. “Bet he’d loved to see you getting yourself off like this, coming for another man.” he curses, thrusting into his other hand. 
You hover above the pillow, your thighs starting to shake for exertion. 
“Don’t stop, baby. Come on, soak it—soak it and I’ll fuck you.” 
Your nipples tighten and your skin begins to tingle with arousal. Your head tilts backward and your mouth opens slightly as your body arches and grinds against the pillow. Something devastating builds inside, it builds and builds and builds—builds until you can’t take it anymore. Liquid heat sprays out of you, your walls convulsing as you drip down his hand and soak the pillow, just like he said. 
“That’s it, that’s it,” he murmurs, pulling out his finger and dragging the wet digit over your cheek. He kisses you deeply. “Good fucking girl,” he growls into your mouth, nipping your chin. 
You gasp for breath, your hips slowing but still shaking with pleasure even when you stop. Your mind is in a state of ecstasy. Frankie forces your jaw apart and purses his lips, spitting into your mouth. You jolt when it hits your tongue. “Swallow,” he murmurs. 
“Gonna fuck you now, sweet girl,” he coos. “Gonna claim you on the bed you sleep with him every night,” he chuckles into your mouth. “I’m going to fuck you so good that Pope’s gonna keep wondering why it always smells like sex in here.” 
God, you wish it didn’t but the words and the depravity he said them in makes your skin prickle, an involuntary moan slipping from your lips. 
Frankie turns you over, pulling the pillow under your hips as you remain on all fours. Your arms feel weak, legs still trembling from your orgasm. “F–Frankie,” you slur your words. 
“Don’t worry baby,” he murmurs, pressing his mouth over the small of your back. “I got you, and I’m never gonna let go.” 
He positions Santi’s pillow under your hips, the fabric dark in color from your slick. Your arms finally gave way and you drop face-first into the sheets, you can smell him now, Santi’s pine scent fills your lungs. 
Shit, what the hell is wrong with you? 
“Stop thinking about him,” Frankie hisses from behind you, parting your folds by dragging his length. He lets out a deep sigh before you can answer. “It doesn’t matter, you won’t be able to think of anything else soon anyway.” 
You shudder at the promise of his words. He leans in, the heft of his body covering yours as his lips touch your ear, “I’m gonna come inside this pretty cunt. Then you’re going to squeeze every bit of it out and taste it—Got it?” 
“Y-Yes,” your voice is trembling, your body burning from the inside out. 
Suddenly he grips your nape, squeezing until pain ebbs under the skin. You swallow, tears stinging the corner of your eyes; he doesn’t say a word, pushing his cock between your wet thighs. It’s filthy how he makes you feel, how badly you want to surrender to him. You drool all over him, your walls spasming until the head catches against your clit and a whimper leaves your lips. 
Frankie comes to a halt and his grip around your nape lightens, caressing the skin. 
You let out a little groan as he eases himself inside you. He moves further and further until he’s fully sheathed. A thrill surges through your body. Your eyes roll back at finally faving him inside, a wanton moan falling from your lips. 
Frankie flexes his cock and you groan at the stretch, “Who’s bigger?” he huffs, pushing deeper. Your body becomes limp underneath him. “Me or him.” 
“You,” you manage to garble a response. “You’re so much bigger than him, Frankie.” 
“Yeah?” he pants, chest heaving. “He can’t fuck you like this can he?” 
He presses your hips flush against the pillow, the dampness that touch you scorching your skin. You nod helplessly and claw against the sheets. “He can’t—” you choke out. “Frankie please.” 
He gives you what you want, grinding against you, cock filling you up with every forceful thrust. His ragged moans echo around the room, and you grasp onto the sheets tighter. Every thought is knocked out of your head every time he buries himself into you. Hips bruising where it hits your skin. You reach the peak quickly, that familiar tingle blossoming between your legs. 
“Fuck—” beads of sweat line Frankie’s body, and you can feel the heat radiating from him. “You feel so good, so fucking good.” 
He wraps an arm around you and pulls you out, holding one breast tight. His thumb goes in circles, lust lapping at your tired body as he presses deeper. “I want to feel you coming just on my cock,” he moans into your cheek.
Frankie angles himself in a way that he brushes against something devastating inside of you. It’s like a jolt of electricity, the force of it enough to empty the air in your lungs. He drags his cock over the same spot again and again, his thrust quick paced. You cry out his name when static fills your ears and dots dance over yoru vision. Your head falls back, chest heaving as your body quakes. 
Your cunt continues to squeeze and throb around him, and soon enough, you feel the hot spill of come filling you to the brim. You swear another orgasm washes over you, the flavor of it thick on your tongue as you meet his thrusts. Frankie huffs a tired laugh and grips your asscheeks, spreading them. 
“I can feel you dripping,” he murmurs, you hear the smile in his voice. “Makes me want to stay buried in your forever,” in contrast to his words, Frankie pulls out. “I hope you didn’t forget what I said,” he kisses your neck, long and slow. “Drag that full pussy all over his pillow.” 
You spread your legs wider, rolling your hips over the soft material, you hiss when it brushes over your clit. “S-Shit, Frankie—” 
“Bet he never fucked you like that before,” he remarks. Satisfied with the mess, he gestures you to move away. You practically collaps, head thudding against the headboard. Frankie’s gaze is fixed on the poor pillow, drenched in your slick and his come. 
No matter what Frankie says, you’re not letting Santi sleep on that pillow. You’re fucked up, but you’re not that fucked up. 
Staring at the pillow, reality finally settles in. A sharp inhale parts your lips and Frankie’s eyes snap toward the sound, his gaze searching yours. “There’s no going back from this,” he says. “When’s he coming back?” 
“The day after tomorrow.” 
“Good,” he crawl over to you, taking place between your still trembling legs. He slides his palm up your tigh and presses his mouth against your neck. “That’ll give us more time.” 
You’re too much of a coward to ask time for what. 
752 notes · View notes
plutonianeris · 1 year
Text
a message from 13 year old you ‧₊˚✩彡 [letter] 💓🍬
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
this is a general reading. take what resonates and leave what doesn't. scroll through the images & choose based on your inner guidance and gut feeling. ⛓️ *・῾ ᵎ⌇ ⁺◦ if you feel guided to: tip jar💘 ✧.*
Tumblr media
Pile one ‧₊˚✩彡
"what did I tell you? I always knew it would work out in the end. I was always knew the pain wasn't going to last forever. It hurt to be treated that way by the people closest to me, especially the women in my life. there was always so much confusion growing up. people would say pretty things but there body language would show something else. I felt caged in my connections. But I always had some faith. I always had a feeling that the universe was watching out for me... for us. that it was sending us signs. that eventually I would be able to enjoy life to the fullest without feeling guilty for it. without feeling like I had to compare myself to the versions of me that they wanted me to be. I hope you know now that those versions don't exist. that we weren't born to be dolls for other people to dress up and control and shove words and opinions in their mouth and to gargle and spit back up. I doubted my intellgience so much.. underestimated my creativity. but looking at you now.. looking at us... I feel so proud. dont forget about me please! I always believed in you. even on those days where you couldnt stand to look in the mirror. I was on your side this whole time, its just that sometimes you werent listening. But now looking at you, you are everything I ever wanted to be. Im so glad I didnt give up. You deserve it all. the world. your dreams. im rooting for you. heres to more blessings and abundance."
Tumblr media
Pile two ‧₊˚✩彡
"remember the way everyone would make fun of us for the weird things we did? Our odd expressions and the questions we asked and how we laughed out loud and our desire to see the world. how it always labeled as silly. I know it had made us dull our self expression for a little while. How we forced ourselves to shrink down, to fake laugh to the mean comments, or "oh this? not a big deal" or "its not that good.." so many of those... just to blend in better with our friends and family at the time. to make them like us. to see if that would make them stop criticizing so damn much. I hope we no longer are letting comments like that slide. I hope we dress like the way we always wanted to in our head but were to afraid to wear out. I hope we didn't let the world extinguish our playful nature. life felt like heartbreak after another. what do you know about love? youre just a kid. they deformed the way we saw it for a long time. but not anymore. It makes me emotional.. the way you never let go my hand. and how you always carried me along with you in your heart. Of course, now you call me your inner child. Or I guess inner teen. Ha, inner tween. Thank you for always being my friend. I see now that you are always what I was meant to be. Out of all the stars in the sky, we shine the brightest, you and me."
Tumblr media
Pile three ‧₊˚✩彡
"you are so beautiful... wow we really are so different now. But I still see hints of me in you. in your smirk and your mischievous laugh and in your questioning glances and sharp stare when someone gets a little bit too close to our personal space. I admire the way your presence can make someone nervously glance away. I use to feel so powerless.. so many things I did to try to gain some control, even if it meant hurting myself and pushing away the people I love. I love how vulnerable you are. I really did see it as a weakness but looking at you now, it makes me realize how brave you are. of putting yourself out there despite the uncertainty. of taking that chance even if could end up badly. even if you could end up with a broken heart it seems like you no longer find sastification in staying in the darkness. I understand, its.. well, lonely... being alone. Do you think you could take me with you? That part of you... that is still afraid. do you think you could tell me? tell me that I am not broken or incomplete that there is nothing wrong with me. that I am not the worst thing that has ever happened to me or will happen to me. Reassure me? Tell me that some things we have to do even when we are afraid. that its terrifying and nerve wracking and makes our palms sweat. but then once we do it, it's glorious, it's liberating, it's everything we have ever dreamed of and more. I see it now. Take me with you. Do you see me? I see you. The way you look at the world and want to devour it. I see you now, with a crown atop your head. how you wear it so gracefully..."
Tumblr media
Pile four ‧₊˚✩彡
"So many times.... I was so close to giving up. to listening to that little voice in my head that kept telling me over and over again that there was no point. that the feeling and the ache in my chest would last forever. that it was always going to be me versus the world. me versus me. that everything around me would always be dull and gray and that I would always be blue. I doubted my self-worth so much. It was practically non-existent. I still do in some ways now when I pop up and invalidate the way you feel, shrugging my shoulders wondering if maybe we are actually deserving of this happiness... of this success. it feels foreign. like its not really mine.. well, ours. We're not in a really good situation right now and my parents are trying to hide things from me that im just too big now to pretend not to notice. they don't make me feel that protected anymore. and that hurts me a lot. whose gonna take care of me now? Im so glad youre here now. Im so glad we got to grow up and that we survived. and im so glad that now that we survive we can actually live. Thank you for reminding that we can let go now. that theres no room for a pity party anymore. thank you for letting me know that your'e not going to leave me behind. thank you for keeping my memory alive. thank you for looking back at me with kind and loving eyes. but most of all, thank you for fighting for me. I know I can easily lie and say "everything is fine" but thank you for showing me that it eventually it is. thank you proving to me that eventually I will say its fine. its okay. its great even. and that I, that we, actually mean it."
© plutonianeris
1K notes · View notes
uglyducklingofthe2000s · 11 months
Text
Homie Hopper pt 2 - Charles Leclerc
Charles Leclerc x Gasly!reader - Pierre Gasly x sister!reader - Lando Norris x Gasly!reader - Yuki Tsunoda x plantonic!reader
Summary: Pierre’s sister has been friends with Charles all these years too, and after she oversteps and gets bitten. He finds himself guilty and sorry for it. But nothing feels worse than when she sets out to make him eat his words.
Tumblr media
Beginning to notice that Charles is a bit of a homie hopper if rumours are true and I felt inspired to create a story with a character that calls him out and maybe leaves him realising he’s avoided feelings.
Use of y/n
Part 1    Part 3    Part 4     Part 5
---------------------------------------------------------
Yuki is such a bad influence.
That’s the first thing that crosses y/n’s mind when she wakes up with the heavy thud of her own pulse beating through her head. In fact it feels like it’s dulled her senses till she shifts and feels the brush of skin against her abdomen. Specifically someone else’s skin.
Y/n can’t shoot up without bringing up whatever alcohol Yuki talked her into drinking. She is never trusting him again-She is in Yuki’s bed cuddling him right now? Kind of cute, kind of need to get the hell out of there.
“It’s Lando.” A very husky and sleep-heavy voice states once she’s rolled over but still not found the courage to open her eyes and confirm her suspicions. “How are you feeling? You made quite an entrance last night.”
“Did we have sex?”
“No, you couldn’t even stand up right. But you did make a really good go by stripping off and crying till I got in bed with you...I tried to be respectful, but you made it a little hard when you got tears involved.” Lando admits while slowly releasing her from his hold. “Not that I would’ve otherwise been opposed but you were very drunk.”
“I’m a disaster. I’m so sorry.”
“It’s fine, really. I’m not complaining. It was funny if anything.”
“That’s just what I wanted to hear.” Y/n laughs then sighing and grimacing at the hangover that is clearly intending to go nowhere. “Is there anyway I could borrow some clothes just to get over to Pierre’s motorhome? He’s staying in the hotel, so I should be able to getaway with it and not be caught or land you as his victim.”
“I mean anyone who was in the paddock last night probably heard you. You were banging on my door screaming my name for like 5 minutes at like 1 in the morning.”
“Blame Yuki...was I on my own?”
“Yes.”
Lando does get up finding some clothes for y/n which are all McLaren branded. Much to his amusement. 
“You look good in papaya.”
“Thanks. Maybe they’ll make me a mascot or something.”
---------
After finding the willpower to force herself out of Lando’s motorhome she shivers at the cool morning air hitting her. She needs to get hold of something that is going to ease her hangover. She’s already chugged well over a litre of water before even leaving Lando’s company. 
“Y/n?”
Perfect. As if the past 24 hours couldn’t suck more because of him. He has to show up now.
“What do you want?” Y/n spits not hiding her bad mood.
“Is that McLaren clothes?”
“They’re Lando’s. Need to know anything else?”
Charles looks shocked by the hostile attitude that he’s never even witnessed from y/n before never mind been on the receiving end of. Safe to say it doesn’t feel very good. But he also knows he crossed a line yesterday.
“Charles, I’m hungover. I feel like shit. What do you want?” Y/n questions making him shift back a little. “Nothing? Good. Have a great fucking day-oh and I hope your new girlfriend enjoys dating an asshole. I’m sure she’ll appreciate it when you dump her and move onto her friend.”
It was harsh but no harsher than she thinks he deserves after yesterday and with her foul mood. She’s not feeling like filtering her words for his feelings to not be hurt.
Y/n is gone before he has a chance speak. Her body storming off while he sighs and deflates. Though he can’t ignore the unfamiliar feeling at the sight of her wearing McLaren and having clearly came from Lando’s motorhome. She’s never even worn Alphatauri branded clothes, aside form maybe a cap or the rare occasion she’s borrowed Pierre’s jacket when she was cold. 
Something about her being in Lando’s clothes just really gets under his skin and the more he thinks about it, the more he hates it.
He’s decided out of all the possible colours. He thinks orange suits her the least. 
Charles actually spoke to Pierre last night and admitted her messed up with how he spoke to y/n. Not his finest moment and Pierre told him that he wanted to speak to y/n before he thought Charles should speak to her. He’s successfully messed up that plan, even if it was by accident. 
--------
Upon Lando’s instruction, y/n had kept the hoodie and has been wearing it over the past few days. Pierre is more annoyed than ever about it and Charles is beginning to really join him in the annoyance.
“Y/n, can we talk?” Charles asks catching her walking through the paddock, for once without Lando or Yuki there as a guard dog and she seems to deflate hearing Charles voice.
That hurts Charles a little more than he thought it would.
“I’m actually busy.”
“Y/n, please. I am sorry. I should not have said what I said.” Charles tries while she nods and gives him a half-hearted smile that doesn’t at all look forgiving.
“Ok.”
One of the worst replies to an apology. Only thing that can make it worse is for her to flat out say he’s not forgiven.
“Anything else?”
She sharpness of her tone is really deserved but it doesn’t mean he wishes he could force her to change it.
“Can we hang out?” You can do better than that, Charles.
“I’ve got plans.”
“I didn’t say when.”
“Charles, I mean this from the bottom of my heart. Leave me alone.”
So safe to say it’s going to take a lot more than an apology and hoping that she’ll look past what he said.
“Are you dating Lando officially?”
Why would he ask that? Why did those words come from his mouth?
“Why do you care if we are? Or are you about to give me a lecture about how I can’t keep a man again without him cheating on me?”
“Y/n, I’m trying. Please. I know I shouldn’t have said what I said...but I don’t think Lando is right for you.” Charles mumbles making her whole body tense before she turns and glares at him. “I’m just thinking-”
“Charles, what I said. I said because I care and I think you’re making a mistake. Talking about who I choose to spend my time with after the way you spoke to me and the attitude you had about my comments. Consider anything you say not worth listening too.”
698 notes · View notes
hopepetal · 10 months
Text
Hi!
So @applestruda and I have been working on a little thing for the boatem knights au. I hope you enjoy this next arc of the story as much as we do.
You can find the masterlist of the previous bkau fic here, and I will be posting this on ao3 as well.
Reblogs and comments are much appreciated :)
Tumblr media
Impulse was painfully, bitterly, human. Just a normal guy, with normal hair and normal eyes and friends that were anything but. Even Mumbo, who he'd thought to be his one human companion, turned out to be something different. Something special.
When it had finally been revealed to the knights that Mumbo was, in fact, a shapeshifter, no one was really surprised. With the amount of non-humans in the group, and magically gifted ones besides, it was only a matter of time before Mumbo revealed that he was obviously, not human.
While they were all joking around and laughing over Mumbo's newly revealed ability, Scar had turned to Impulse with that friendly smile of his and asked, “So, when are you gonna reveal your super secret backstory to us, Impulse?”
Impulse had laughed off the pang of bitterness and guilt combined (and how stupid was that, feeling guilty over the fact that he didn't have a special ability or secret backstory to reveal?) and shook his head. “Nah,” he had responded with a shrug, “I'm just a guy. Just Impulse.”
Just a guy. Just Impulse. 
Simple words that had become a mantra over the past few days, lingering in the back of Impulse's mind. A whispered chant, just audible enough to catch his attention but hardly loud enough to deserve a shushing. They were an apt description of what he was– of who he was, of course, and Impulse knew that. He had known that all his life, and, up until this point, had convinced himself that he was fine with that.
(He never had been ‘fine’ with it in the first place. It’s why he trained from dawn till dusk for years, honing his strength and skills. He couldn’t fly, couldn’t breathe underwater, couldn’t withstand a fiery blaze, and most certainly couldn’t teleport. But he was smart, and he was strong, and that was enough. Wasn’t it?)
Mumbo was good with redstone, too. He was a genius, even. What with his constant inventions and how he thought outside of the traditional redstone conventions, and the way he brushed off any compliments with a wave and a soft, “It’s quite simple, really.” 
Impulse’s mother had told him that everyone was special. That they were all made up of stardust and the love of the universe. It was an old wive’s tale, but it had been comforting. 
Now, surrounded by shapeshifters and avians and magical beings, Impulse was wondering if the universe forgot to give him a little stardust.
The sun had just begun to rise, bathing the world in its golden light, as Impulse got dressed and headed out to the makeshift training area to work on his swordplay. It wasn’t long before he was hacking away at one of the many training dummies the knights had made together in an effort to “work on their arts and crafts skills”, going through the familiar motions of a swordfight. 
Just a guy. Just Impulse. 
He’d always wondered what it was like to fly. To dive deep into the ocean, without fear of drowning. To never feel the terrible pain of burns, or to get to where you wanted to be instantly.
Just a guy. Just Impulse. 
It wasn’t like being a human was bad. Not at all! Being human was great! He didn’t have to worry about getting hurt by the rain, or his wings being targeted in battle, or, void forbid, being hunted for sport. He could do so much as a human! 
But it wasn’t enough. Not anymore.
Just a guy.
Sweat dripped down the back of his neck as he continued fighting, his breaths coming in short pants. In his mind’s eye, the training dummy was an enemy, and it was his job to defeat it. Slicing and stabbing and slashing, Impulse went back and forth in a dance all his own, in a battle that held no weight on the future. 
Just–
“Impulse?”
Pulled from his reverie, Impulse stumbled to a rather clumsy halt, his sword arm falling to his side as he looked over for who called his name. Standing at the edge of the arena was Pearl, leaning against the little wooden fence that surrounded it. She wore a bright smile as always, but something akin to concern shone in her eyes, barely hidden.
“Huh?” Impulse got out, before blinking and shaking his head. “Sorry, Pearl, I uh– I didn’t see you there. Were you calling me?” His muscles were aching, and he was absolutely drenched in sweat. Just how long had he been training for?
Pearl nodded. “Yeah, mate. You were fighting that dummy with the intention to kill, huh?” she joked, gesturing to the very much falling apart training dummy. She continued, “You were training for a while. Lost in your own world, were ya?”
Impulse glanced up at the sky, internally wincing at how high the sun had climbed without him noticing. “Yeahhh…” He laughed, scratching the back of his neck. “Kinda got caught up in my own thoughts, y’know.” He looked over at the training dummy. “Uh… sorry, mister dummy,” he apologized awkwardly, which Pearl found hilarious judging by her soft laughter. 
“You should come get some breakfast and wash up,” Pearl advised, “I’m heading to the village in a bit to pick up some stuff– do you wanna come with?”
Impulse shrugged, before walking over to where Pearl was and hopping the fence. “Sounds like fun, and I don’t have anything else planned.” 
Pearl grinned, and gave Impulse a fistbump. “Great! I’ll go get the horses ready, if you wanna go eat and change real quick?”
“Will do!” Impulse gave her an over the top salute. “Thanks, Pearl!” 
He began to head back to his tent at a slow jog, and decided that maybe it was best if he ignored that soft voice in his head. His friends were incredibly perceptive, and the last thing that he wanted was for them to get all worried about him and start asking questions. 
Would they judge you? Call you jealous? 
Maybe. And maybe Impulse was jealous, at least a little. Did that make him a bad person? For wishing he could be more than what he was? For hoping that he had some chance at standing on the same level as his friends?
Impulse tried to shake those thoughts out of his head as he quickly scarfed down some breakfast and changed out of his sweat-soaked training clothes. Pearl had just finished with getting the horses ready by the time Impulse returned, and greeted him with a smile. “Ready to go?”
Impulse returned her grin as he mounted his horse. “You know it. Road trip time!” 
The trip to the village was a short but pleasant ride through the forest, on a well-worn path the knights had traveled many times. Impulse and Pearl made idle conversation as they rode, Pearl mentioning that she wanted to stop by a couple of shops and the library. They arrived at the village after about thirty minutes and dismounted, tying their horses reins to the hitching post before grabbing their bags and walking into the village.
Impulse had been here before, of course, but visits had been rare recently with… well, everything that had happened. It was nice to get back out and just walk through the village, without any life-threatening or world-ending danger looming over their heads. And as a bonus, he got to hang out with Pearl, which he always enjoyed. 
They went through the shops one by one, Pearl picking up supplies and things they had run out of. Eventually, they were finished, and Pearl pulled Impulse rather excitedly toward the library. He didn’t blame her– he was the exact same way around candy shops. Everyone needed a place that they were excited to go to, in his opinion. 
The librarian– a woman with messy black hair– looked up from behind the counter and greeted them with a nod, before going back to reading her book. Impulse caught a glimpse of the name tag that was pinned to her shirt, the name ‘Evelyn’ written in neat cursive. 
Pearl led Impulse into a room full of bookshelves and, of course, books. “I’m going to go look for some books,” she whispered to him, “you can go off and see if there’s anything that catches your eye.”
Impulse nodded. “Alright. See you in a bit,” he whispered back, and watched Pearl disappear into the maze of bookshelves. 
Looking around, Impulse began to wander. The library was well stocked with literature on nearly every subject he could think of, with golden labels on the end of every bookshelf to indicate what the books in that particular section were about. He found himself walking past the shelves that normally would’ve had his attention– books about redstone and industry ignored as he gazed at the shelves. 
Finally, a particular bookshelf caught his eye. The label told him that the books here were about all things supernatural, and with a shrug, he began to walk through the aisle. Most books seemed to be rather thick, scholarly texts, which made sense given the topic. A couple books drew his attention– an old book with a faded purple cover and block letters that spelled out Evolution in all capitals, a book on curses, and a book that probably had been misplaced, given its title– The Legend of Theseus. The mythology shelf was right next to the supernatural one, so Impulse took the book and brought it back to where it was hopefully supposed to be. 
Once the book was back in the mythology section– next to a very old book with a cracked spine and strange symbols on the cover– Impulse headed back to the supernatural section, glancing over the titles with relative disinterest until a particular book caught his eye. He bent down and carefully took it from the shelf, instinctively brushing off the cover and flipping it open to the cover page. Skimming the summary of the book, Impulse found himself nodding along to the words.
He closed the book and glanced around. Pearl was nowhere to be seen, so he likely still had some time. Tucking the book under his arm, Impulse walked back to the main room of the library, placing the book on the counter. He cleared his throat awkwardly, and Evelyn looked up from her book. “I’d like to check this out, please.” 
Evelyn took the book, looking at the spine and writing down something on the sheet in front of her. “An’ what’s your name, sir?” she asked, not looking up from the sheet. 
Impulse blinked. “Ah– uh, Impulse.”
Evelyn wrote his name down, before setting her red feather pen down and handing him the book. “Alright, sir. If you’d please return this by the end of next month, and no writin’ or rippin’ any pages out unless you wanna pay for it.”
Impulse took the book and placed it in his bag with a thank you, just as Pearl returned with her collection of books. She gave him a smile, which Impulse returned– albeit a little nervously. 
As they were walking out of the library, Pearl asked Impulse if he had seen anything he liked. Impulse answered with a shrug and a shake of his head. “Nah. I’m not much of a reader.”
Something must’ve spooked the horses while they were gone, as Impulse’s horse was clearly nervous when they returned. He calmed the horse down with a bit of petting and a treat Pearl had bought for their horses before mounting up and beginning the journey back home.
It was a little past noon when they returned, and they were greeted by Scar and a barely awake Grian. Mumbo was busy working on something, but he soon ran over to say hi and help with the supplies and horses. 
The rest of the day went by as normally as it could– it was a calm day for the most part, the only “mishap” being Grian stealing Mumbo’s rocket launcher as revenge for drawing a mustache on him while he slept. They all ate dinner together as they usually did, and after, Impulse left to go to his tent.
Finally alone and in the quiet, Impulse took the book out from his bag, brushing his fingers over the title. 
The Art of Summoning - Demons. 
He opened the book.
Obviously, a book given out at a library wasn’t about to teach him how to summon a demon– void knows he didn’t want to do that, anyway– but Impulse had always been fascinated by demons. He had been told a lot of stories as a child, which probably was the reason for his interest, but there was also… something else. He had been drawn– pulled to this book, almost. As if by magic, or something. 
…some demons can grant their summoner a wish– whether it be super strength, speed, or even flight, there have been records of people making a contract with a demon for their own benefit. When asked why, many of their answers were similar. They wanted to be unique, or special, and had become desperate.
That… sounded familiar. Impulse pressed his lips together in a thin line as he continued to read. He obviously wasn’t desperate enough to summon a demon– he doubted he would even be able to if he wanted to! Which he didn’t. Because that would be crazy. 
As he went to turn the page, a sharp pain shot through the tip of his finger. Impulse sucked in air through his teeth as he yanked his hand away, examining the fresh papercut. “Oh, come on…” He shook out his hand, annoyed, before going to flip the page. 
As soon as he touched the book, Impulse found that his fingers were almost glued to the page. He couldn’t pull away, couldn’t pull the book off his hand, though he tried frantically to do so. It was then that he noticed a small bead of blood had welled up from the cut, and smeared on the page when he had gone to flip it again. 
That… was probably bad.
Just as he was considering calling for help, a soft voice spoke up in his mind. Not soft enough to be inaudible, but not loud enough to be quieted. 
Hello.
Impulse tensed up, looking around the tent. “...I didn’t mean to summon you,” he began, “assuming you’re…?”
A demon? The voice was… quite pleasant, actually. Not like anything Impulse had thought a demon would sound like. Yes, I am one. And you haven’t summoned me. Just drawn my attention. I’ve been trapped in this book for quite some time, you see. It’s been a long while since anyone has opened it.
“Why were you trapped inside the book?” Impulse asked, still on edge. “What did you do?”
Well, that’s rude. The demon sounded as if it were pouting, as if Impulse had offended it. I didn’t do anything. I just… It sighed, and its voice took on a tone of loneliness. I was young when I came to this world. I… wanted to be different, I guess, from the rest of the demons. Everyone had this cool thing going for them… one could curse multiple people at once, one could take human form, and everyone else… had something that made them special. I didn’t. I’m just your regular ol’ demon, residing in your thoughts.
Impulse frowned, settling the book carefully on his lap. “So… why did you get put in the book?”
I’m getting to that. I… got excited. I wanted to show everyone that I was special, too, by cursing someone. I didn’t really think things through. The demon paused. I don’t even want to curse someone, anymore. I just want to go home.
“I’m… sorry…” Impulse began, “that sounds really rough.” He sighed, leaning back slightly. “I get it, though, as crazy as that sounds.” He briefly debated on whether or not he should tell someone– a demon, no less– about what he’d been going through. “I’m… the only human in my friend group,” he started, hesitant, “and it’s just… I’ve always been just a guy. Just Impulse. And no matter what I do, I’ll never be able to change that.”
There was a moment of silence, and Impulse could almost feel the demon thinking. Well… maybe you could. Maybe, we could both help each other out.
Impulse’s brow furrowed. “What are you thinking of?” 
I know, you were against summoning demons earlier, but… hear me out, okay? I could tell you how to summon me, and not only would that free me from this book, but I could also maybe grant your wish! 
The demon sounded… genuinely so excited at the prospect of being freed. Being trapped, all alone, for however long it had been, must’ve been really difficult. Impulse didn’t blame the demon for wanting to be free. He would want the same thing, were he in the demon’s position. 
…and maybe, just maybe, a small, selfish part of him spoke up and influenced his reasoning. But Impulse closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and sighed. “Alright. I’ll help you. Tell me how to summon you.”
Excellent choice! Alright, first things first, you’re going to…
Impulse was painfully, bitterly human.
He refused to be just Impulse forever. 
693 notes · View notes
mysticheathenn · 3 months
Text
Tumblr media
Where is Your Current Path Leading You? (Short)
Hi there! Remember to take what resonates and leave what does not. This reading does not supplement your need to go seek professional help.
Take your time when choosing your pile. Ask yourself the question and choose the picture that you can’t stop looking at. Listen to your intuition.
PILE l: Sacred Destiny Oracle: Release, & Forgiveness, Transformation (bottom of the deck) Cards: Tower, 10 of Swords, 10 of Wands, 8 of Wands, The Fool, & Ace of Wands)
You're walking away from always carrying the burden of constantly surviving and not living life. You're tired of living life in survival mode. You want something better for yourself to the point you're willing to do any and everything to achieve it at this point. New beginnings are on the horizon especially those who are in the creative field (doesn't have to be something creative). You're moving away and releasing things that no longer align with what you want for your life. This could be people (including yourself), vices, jobs, or even living situations. I say including yourself because with the transformation card maybe some of you are tired of the new year same me and want something better than what you have been giving yourself. For example, maybe you want to lose weight, learn a new language, or pick up some new skills or hobbies. Some of you I see that you feel ashamed how you wasted so many years on either not getting your sh!t together or on people who don't deserve it but now no more. You have made your mind up that this year will not go by wasted on potential or excuses. Beautiful endings are happening and it's coming in fast. Be ready, don't be fearful of these changes. For the new to come in you need to get rid of the old. You've got this! I'm rooting for you! Keywords to where your current path is leading you are: Movement, Release, New
Pile ll: Sacred Destiny Oracle: Going Forward, & Standstill Cards: Knight of Cups (reversed), The Tower, 2 of Pentacles (reversed), King of Wands, 9 of Cups)
I'm hearing fulfillment is what your path is leading you on. A lot of you this is more of an emotional fulfillment than a financial one. For the ones that resonate with financial fulfillment, I see you're going to come out on top in being financially stable for once. You've been struggling for so long with your finances you started to lose hope, but soon things will even out. For those who resonate with emotional fulfillment maybe you have been feeling depressed, anxious, experiencing panic and anxiety attacks because life has been too hard and stressing you out. Things will come to a pause soon and life will feel more at ease to just take a breather and enjoy life a bit more. Some of you an old friend might reach out and see if you want to hang out with others you might decide to let yourself enjoy the simple pleasures in life without feeling guilty like you have to be busy or everything is going to fall apart. Keywords to where your current path is leading you are: Fulfillment, Balance, & Ease.
Pile lll: Sacred Destiny Oracle: Illumination, Forgiveness, & New Beginnings, Healing Chaos (bottom of deck) Cards: Ace of Cups, The Hermit, 6 of Swords (reversed), Knight of Wands, The World Cosmos (reversed).
There are two messages here for pile 3 but a large portion of you are coming out of hermit mode because you are beginning to feel safe after some people have hurt you whether it's a relationship, family, friends, or even a workplace. You've been doing some healing and maybe even shadow work to help ease some of your pain along with just staying to yourself and with that comes new friendships, relationships, and possibly even a new career. You're going to be looking at life with a brand-new lens. Of course, some of you may be hesitant when you decide to dip your toe outside your bubble but you're going to be met with people who match your energy and not deal with one-sided friendships and relationships. Keywords to where your current path is leading you are: Relationships (Romantic/Platonic) & Healing For others, I see your path is about showing you who your true friends and family are. There are some snakes in the grass and foxes in the hen house. I feel a moderate amount of you know exactly who this person is but you keep giving them the benefit of the doubt because wHy WoUlD ThEy HuRt YoU when you have done nothing but love them. Remember sometimes the way people treat you has nothing to do with you or how you treat them but more so with their lack of love for themselves. This group reminds me of my previous tarot reading titled "The Harsh Truth You Need to Know" If you haven't already I would definitely advise checking that one out. Keywords to where your current path is leading you are: Endings, Choices, & Deception
Pile lV: Sacred Destiny Oracle: Adventures, Voyage, & Trust, Openness (bottom of the deck) Cards: 10 of Cups, The Hierophant, 3 of Swords (reversed), 2 of Wands, 9 of Pentacles
Upon seeing the Hierophant card I heard the poem by Rober Frost The Road Not Taken. You're leaving behind worry, self-doubt, and people-pleasing and walking into a new light where you follow what you want to do and not what others want you to do. You're trusting that inner voice that keeps nagging you to do what you want to do because you're tired of living life by the rules of others. You're tired of playing it safe because you feel it hasn't gotten you anywhere but feeling a whole lot of lack in your life and you're meant to be abundant pile 3. Some of you want to be travel influencers and travel the world but maybe some of your parents or even friends keep using scare tactics on you by sending you articles of people dying or getting hurt abroad. Or maybe telling you making money by doing something that isn't a 9-5 or "traditional" isn't worth it nor substantial and you've had enough. You're finally ready to take that leap and "Go Your Own Way" by Fleetwood Mac. Just know when you take this leap it's not without a little bit of struggle, but I assure you with the 10 of cups you're going to feel happy and see that it was all worth it in the end. Keywords to where your current path is leading you are: Going Against the Grain, Happiness, &Belief
That's all I have for everyone. I hope you enjoyed this reading. Until next time, stay safe and blessed.
385 notes · View notes