#and i dont want to go message her cause she doesnt want to talk right now but also im just. i dont know | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

dunmeshi-darlings · 21 days

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Hello

Can I request a laios x reader, with the reader as laios ex-fiance, since their arrangements was broken off when he ran away without explanation reader have been sad and mad about it. But then someday laios mother told reader about laios become a new king after defeating a demon, reader decided to go there, because reader want to know why he ran away

I'm sorry if this is difficult to understand, English is not my first language, thank youuu

Oh you got no need to apologize its all ok. i understand what you meant. id be happy to do this. thank you so much for sending an imagine in.

Even though its been many years since laios cut off the arrangement and disappeared you still found yourself getting upset at him. He just cancelled it all and ran off to not be heard from again.

Of course over the years that anger and frustration faded greatly but every so often your mind would wander and you would feel your cheeks heat up at the thought of being abandoned like that. but over all you figure it was probably for the best anyway, you dont mind your life and that touden was always...strange to say the least even if he was a looker.

One day though as you are going about your day when laios mother approaches you, asking if she can come in. You agree and let her inside, despite your feelings about laios you had no bad blood with her. you get the both of you some tea as she starts speaking. "Did you hear about the rise of the golden kingdom?" she asks, you nod and say of course you had. it had been the talk of the entire world ever since it rose up out of the sea, seemingly out of nowhere one day. Apparently some group of adventurers defeated the mad mage and seemed like those rumors about becoming the new leader of it was true. You say casually as you take a sip of some tea. "yeah well apparently Laios was the one that defeated the mage and rules the golden kingdom now." she says so casually causing you to spit all the tea you were drinking out, shouting in confusion you ask her if you heard that right? she nods and explains what she had been told from letters from falin, you knew that falin had stayed in touch with there parents but laios had apparently cut them off a decade ago much to your surprise.

You decide to pay a visit, you feel like you almost HAVE to. you need to know why he just left you like that, why he did what he did all those years ago. It took you a bit to get to the new golden kingdom, laios definitely had travelled a far distance since your last time you saw him. By the time you reach the kingdom a full month has passed, you ask the guards to message the king telling him that "Y/N from his arranged marriage wanted to see him." of course you werent sure he would even respond, i mean why would he. he didnt want to marry you obviously so why should he care about seeing you, especially now that he is a KING of all things. However you were surprised when the guard came back and agreed to take you to the king.

When you entered you saw him sitting on a throne. To his left you see a young elf woman with twin braids beside him, This must have been his royal advisor maybe? you werent sure. However you did notice his sister beside her chatting with her...except she was different, she wasnt a tall man anymore..atleast not fully. you noticed a plume of fluffy white feathers poking out of the opening on her chest and down her arms. It was clear she had been changed by some form of magic.

As you walk closer laios asks if everyone can leave the room for a moment, he wants to talk privately with you as they agree and leave leaving only you and him. "So Y/N, how have things been?" He asks awkwardly, its clear he is uncomftorable and doesnt know what to say. You had thought of the things you would say to him for years now, over and over you had gone over in your head what you were going to say to the man that just up and left you like that. you would be furious and scream, sob and cry, all the words you planned to say just dissapear and all you can say is a single word. "why.."

He sighs as he rubs his neck and begins to explain, He tells you how he had began to despise his parents for how they let falin be treated, and how instead of supporting her and her talents they sent her away to the magic school on a different continent. He had grown to hate his parents (more so his father but he had no fond feelings towards his mother either) even though falin kept in contact with them. He also explained how he never felt comfortable around people, that he had always felt more comfortable around monsters...and that in truth he hated people. Plus he admits he wasnt the richest person in the world so would have been able to give you a proper dowry. All of these together made him feel like he wouldnt have been able to give you the life you deserved, he didnt want you to be stuck with a man that hated everyone around him and hated where he lived and wanted to leave and get as far away as he could. He figured that wasnt fair to you, and he didnt know how to properly convey this and let you down easily so...he ran.

The weight of his words hit you harder than you expected...all this time you thought he just didnt like you or hated you ever, or he didnt care about you at all. All this time you hated him for what he did and that you swore you would get answers one day...but these werent the answers you were expected. It would have been so easy to continue to be mad at him, if he said he just didnt like you or hated you that would have been fine..you expected it at this point, but no...he did this because he didnt want to subject you to a miserable life with him..he knew you would be miserable with him if he had stayed there and he didnt want to put you through that...god this was so much harder than you were expecting. "You know....now that im king of the golden kingdom money isnt an issue..and ive made sure the kingdom is a kind place that treats everyone with kindness." you see him slump down a bit. "and since monsters come nowhere near the kingdom...if you want, we can get to know each other better..and see how we feel about each other then?" he says softly, damn that man he was a looker. you sigh, almost relieved its turned out that way. saying you would like that

#dungeon meshi #dungeon meshi x reader #laios #laios touden #laios x reader

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mzblkauthor · 4 months

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Bliss

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Plug!SunaXStoner!blackreader

Warnings: Smoking, and cussing.

WC:1.5k

Summary: You decide to hang with Atsumu's friends and one happens to have the best weed you've ever smoked

Genre: I honestly don't know

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You ain’t know what was wrong with you. Probably cause you were high as hell and had the munchies. “Girl lets go you bout high as hell,” currently you were at a party at Atsumu’s house and your bestie ,Kiyoko, was the designated driver and she couldn’t stand seeing you high out your mind while any nigga there would try to take of advantage of you. “Now you know damn well you’re the one that dragged me here. Don’t blame me for enjoying the party in my own way,” you told her scrunching your face up. But, you got up anyway cause ain't no way you bout to listen to her complain and blow your high. The music was fuzzy in your ears and every time you took a step it felt like you were walking on water. Yeah it's time for you to go home.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Timeskip~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yesterday… was something. You ain't have a headache but almost everything was a blur. Definitely got a little too high. Fuck. “I hope I ain't did something I regret.” Getting up to go get some food you heard your phone somewhere in your sheets. Then after patting down what seems like your whole bed you finally found it and answered the phone call.

‘YYYY////NNNN’

“Bitch wtf why you moaning my name. You must like me huh,”

‘Girl-’

“ Its aight babygirl I know you luh me. Less fuck then get eloped”

‘Whoa first off I gotta boyfriend so we can’t get eloped second what you need in your life is some dick you horny freaky kinky fuck talking bout marriage and fucking. Girl bye’

“Fuck that nigga Tanaka. I can give so much more but you over here worried bout that bald ass wigga jigga boo.”

‘Whatever I’m loyal to my man. We for real locked in tight like a bootyhole’

“Ew fuck off my phone with that nasty ass shit. Ain't nobody asked what Tanaka’s little freaky ass likes in bed. He prolly like to be fucked instead of doing the fucking.”

‘Shut the fuck up’

“You shut the fuck up”

‘Aight I gotta go I luh you’

“Aight I love you too”

Hanging up the phone you saw a big tittied bitch getting fucked from the back. Woah. Your horny ass forgot to exit out of it yesterday “Damn I guess I do need dick in my life,” Closing the tab and heading downstairs you decided to make yourself some toast with hella butter cause that shit be hitting different when you first wake up. As you turned on the TV and got ready to chill for the rest of the day. You got a text message from Kiyoko.

Be ready in 30 mins We going to atsumus to hang Why i need to go???? Cause Tanaka wanna go and i dont wanna b by myself Plus you know them That doesnt mean i wanna go There’ll be weed. Dam u makin me seem like a feen Add in food and ill go Bet.

Groaning you got up and turned off the tv. After finishing your toast you went to get ready and chose a cute little outfit cause Atsumu be having fine ass friends. It was a spiderman crop top with jeans and your favorite spiderman beanie. You was looking mad cute but not like you was trying to hard. Cause you aint stunting no-mf-body. BEEP BEEP. “COME ON BITCH LETS GO,” the ghetto. You grabbed your bag and hurried to get your stuff. “Charger, phone, keys, pen, wallet, headphones” you told yourself going down the checklist of things you always put in your bag before you leave the house. You turned all the lights off and headed for the car after locking the door on your way out. “You know you coulda just texted me right,”

“Yeah but I didn’t want to”

Straight facing her you then nodded to Tanaka in the rearview mirror and closed the car door. No matter how much shit you talked about Tanaka you knew he was a cool dude yall just like to mess with each other hella. You put your headphones on and enjoyed the ride.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Timeskip~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Before even walking through the doors you were hit with the smell of za. There wasn’t a lot of people, maybe like 8 and you only knew 3 of them. Didn’t really matter though cause they were to high too notice you for real.

“Y/N!”

Well now they did. Atsumu’s loud ass had to yell your name. Bro don’t ever know how to talk swear, you awkwardly waved and sat on the couch closest to the door. “What’er you doin here? I ain't knew you were coming, if I did ya know I woulda gotten ready or whateva,” he was high as fuck whenever you two would get high together he always would be a flirt way more than he usually was. That's why you stopped smoking with him. He was a little too flirty for your liking. “Boy please ain't nobody worried bout you. Where’s your brother?” you told him casually brushing him off and changing the subject. “He’s in the kitchen where he always is. But you tryna roll up?”

This tall green eyed dude cleared his throat while looking at Atsumu with his face scrunched up. He was fine like something you never seen before. His tattoo’s were hot as hell in the lighting. It looked like a whole story on his arm and you wanted to ask about it but decided not to. And his eyes were somehow fox-like and the lips. God the lips. At this point you were just checking him out. Literally from the piercings lining his ears to his uncreased forces.

“Y/N!”

Slowly tuning back into the conversation and looking at Atsumu you asked him “Why you always yelling?”

“Maybe its cause you over there eye fucking Suna instead of paying attention,” he told you while taking a hit from the blunt. “Just cause I was looking that way doesn’t mean I was checking him out. Jealousy isn’t a good look on you booboo now what do you want,” you said rolling your eyes. Honestly on the inside you were embarrassed hella cause who wouldn’t be. “Well I was gonna ask if you wanna roll up,” you turned back to ‘Suna’, looked him in the eyes and asked “If it's ok with you..”

He nodded and took another hit, eyes not leaving yours. Fuck. He was fine as hell. Atsumu passed you the tray which already had everything you needed on it. Then you were in your zone, starting grinding, pouring, then rolling it all up. His eyes stayed on you. You felt it and with chase Atlantic playing in the background it made the vibe feel even better. Next thing you knew you licked the paper and closed the ends. You did pretty damn good for it being on the spot. “Roller gets first hit,” some white haired dude said tossing you the lighter. You said thanks while putting the blunt between your lips and lighting it.

Holy shit.

After 3 good hits and 30 minutes you were already up there. It felt as if your whole body was tingling and you knew if you were to get up you’d probably stumble a little bit. “Is this shit laced?” you said to nobody in particular.

“Nah, Suna’s shit is just strong,” the white haired dude said laughing and shaking his head.

Then as if he teleported in an apron Osamu called your name. “Y/n, I didn’t know you were here,”

You smiled up at him “ Yeah I knew you were in there cooking and I ain’t wanna bother you,” he kissed his teeth and then rolled his eyes.

Gesturing for you to get up he said “You know I don’t give a fuck about that shit next time come say hi. And gimmie a hug,” You got up ,without stumbling, and gave him a big hug. You and Osamu were mad cool like literally yall would meet almost every week.

“How come you don’t greet me like that when I come through the door?” it was the white haired dude who said that. You ain't know who the fuck that nigga was.

“Whatever, ignore him. Did Atsumu already introduce everybody?” You looked at Atsumu who was scratching his head and then shook your head no.

After he introduced everybody you had the munchies and wanted the food Kiyoko promised. But looking over you saw that she was knocked out on Tanaka’s shoulder. You put your headphones on and got up to go get some food low-key annoyed at the fact that you had to get up. You went to get water from the fridge and put some onigiri on a paper towel. Then sat on the counter as you got Brent Faiyaz pulled up. Whenever you were high you had to listen to music cause it felt like a journey that no one else could experience. Like the artist was talking specifically for you and only you. And Brent did that every time. So, it was just you swinging your legs on the counter while eating your onigiri while the music pulled you into a certain bliss that couldn't be replicated from anything else.

"Excuse me," you paused your chewing and stopped swinging your legs. It felt almost like a record scratch because the voice was deep as hell. You're gazed trailed from his feet to his eyes, it was obvious you were checking him out but, you were too high to give a fuck. "Excuse me," he said once again.

This time you answered, "Do you need something?" you asked while tilting your head and taking an earbud out.

He licked his lips and made his way to you "I was wondering if you wanted to come around next time we did something like this," now he was crossing his arms and leaning against the counter in front of you. He was confident. But, you couldn't tell if he was naturally like this or if the weed was a big factor of the way he was acting now. Fuck it, you thought. He was fine as hell but, you don't wanna seem easy.

"I don't know, I mean I don't even know you," you told him sweeping your eyes over his mouth "and if I do pull up. Will I have to pay? I don't wanna smoke up all your shit, that would be rude." This time you were staring at him in his eyes. Just like yours they were red and low. You knew what you were doing and so did he.

He smirked and said "As long as you roll up there wouldn't be a problem. I'm always the one rolling up it'd be nice for there to be a change."

You shrugged, "I'll think about it," telling him as you resumed kicking your legs. He pushed himself off the counter and in 2 strides was in front of you. He crouched down to your eye level and leaned forward to your ear.

"I don't think you understand," he was so close you could hear his mouth move "I want you there," his scent was overwhelming. You took a deep breath which caused your chest to press into him. You weren't wearing a bra. He noticed too, you could tell by the whisper of his laugh.

You brought your hand to his neck and slid it up to his hair. He moved his head away from your ear and stared at you, eye to eye. You bit your lip and clutched his hair at the nape of his neck.

Then tugging it lightly you told him, "I said, I'll think about it, I don't give a damn if you want me there or not." You gently pushed him back and jumped off the counter, then made your way back into the living room.

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AN: Are yall messing with this? And should I make this into a series?

Cause I feel like only a little bit was really Sunaxblackreader.

#anime x black y/n #anime x reader #x black reader #suna x reader #suna x blackreader #suna x black y/n #sunaxblackreader #haikyuu x black reader #haikyuu x black y/n #suna x y/n #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x y/n #stoner suna #stonersuna x blackreader #stoner suna x black y/n #stonersuna x y/n #stonersuna x reader

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enamation · 1 year

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if it’s okay can i request nightcord with a reader who’s peppy yet serious and caring and they want to join the group because they’re friends with kanade and what is their reactions?

Hello hallo hello !! Im literally gonna cry I had written this the second i saw the ask and right before i was going to post it i left the app since my parents had texted me and now its ALL GONE :(((, so this has been rewritten, i hope you enjoy !!

Type: Multiple Headcannons

Warnings: None

❥ NIGHTCORD at 25 + Reader: New Member?

headcannons start utc !!

KANADE YOISAKI

You had known Kanade for a while now, actually

You two had met at the music store, when Kanade was looking for a new CD to get inspiration from, she picked one that was made by your favorite group, and you started a conversation from there!!

You learned about what had been going on with her, and how she can get so immersed in music she forgets to take care of herself sometimes

This causes you to always text Kanade and remind her to do certain things for herself

Once you find out about 25-ji, it takes you a few days, but you decide to ask her if you could possibly join

She hesitates and stiffens up slightly once she reads the message

She compared the sekai, the vocaloids, and Mafuyu, to lively, sometimes serious, caring, well.. you

She first thought it might be a recipe for disaster, but she decides to ask the others first that very night before she makes her own decision

Lets find out how they react to you 🤔

❝ Ah- well, it might be a bit difficult, but I'll make sure to mention you to the others. ❞

MAFUYU ASAHINA

I mean, she didn't think that much of you, just kinda saw you as someone Kanade mentioned

When she first met you, she found you a bit annoying..

But as time went on, she suprisingly didnt mind your presence, you were just sort of something brighter than everyone else, and admired (she obviously doesnt know that) the way you can easily switch and become serious when needed

Mafuyu appreciates how you do your best to take care of Kanade and make sure she takes showers, eats, etc.

She doesnt trust you too much yet, so until Kanade decides to show you the Empty Sekai, you'll have to bear with her and her good girl persona

She doesnt mind you becoming a member at all.

❝ Welcome to 25-ji, Y/N. Its great to have you here. ❞

ENA SHINONOME

When Kanade tells the group about you, she doesnt see a reason for you being there

Whats your role 🤨❓ Kanade already is the songwriter, Mafuyu lyricist, She illustrator, Mizuki the video editor, so..... 🤔

As she hangs out with you more and understands your character, she finds comfort in you

Youre lively, youre serious, youre caring, and most importantly, you willingly act as her reference

Drawing around you calms her down alot more, and she loves talking with you even though sometimes you can get a little too happy for her liking

She would love for you to be in the group !!

❝ Thats amazing to hear !! Welcome to 25-ji Y/N !! Dont let Mafuyu scare you away, okay? ❞

You have no idea what she means by that.

MIZUKI AKIYAMA

Mizuki is the only one that thought it wouldn't hurt to have another member! That doesnt mean they don't need to meet you first, though.

Once you two finally met, they almost immediately took a liking to you!

You didnt eye them weird when they teased you, you two could goof off together, and you could take them and other things seriously immediately. Mizuki sees you as (from what they call) a 'focus point'

When they need a break from the group or the world in general, you're one of the first people they go to.

Similar to Ena, they also find comfort in you

Youre such a great person to be around, it was a yes from them before you even spoke.

❝ Yaha! I'm glad to hear you're one of us now! We're gonna have a good time together, Y/N. ❞

#♭:┆request !!#kanade yoisaki x reader #mafuyu asahina x reader #ena shinonome x reader #akiyama mizuki x reader #project sekai x reader #nightcord at 25:00 #25 ji nightcord de #25-ji

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teeto-peteto · 7 months

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Modern AU adaptation of Ruined King is just the words most unlikely friend group going on a road trip.

my internet has been dead so thats why i havent been responding asks :) but here we are now.

How to put it, yes, you're absolutely right. They would be terrible.

Depends of the roadtrip. I separate it in two possibilites.

Highschool type of roadtrip where there is more people/classmates: Classic bus, they had to wake up early to come. Ahri had to wake up extra early so she can walk her dog before leaving. They dont even need to discuss who are they gonna sit with. Ahri goes with Yasuo, Illaoi with Miss Fortune and Pyke with Braum. No doubts. Ahri and Yasuo fell asleep during the travel resting over each other, Sarah took a pic of them with her phone while Illaoi smiled and laughed with her, resting on her shoulder. Pyke would be looking through the window probably listening to music until Braum decides to talk to him about any of his stories or anecdotes because he felt like Pyke was getting sappy and wanted to cheer him up, it worked. If the trip is long, they would eventually create another groupchat or use the one they have already and play stupid games, like writing a word or a phrase and let the keyboard suggested words complete the rest of the message, they would laugh over it out loud in the bus.

Car roadtrip, just the 6 of them: See, this is more wacky. Lets say that Ahri has a bigger car, or someone from her family let her borrow it, or that we can magically fit 6 people in a car for script convenience. Ahri is the one that drives, our girlie is the taxi driver of the group, she always picks and drops people and honestly she doesnt really mind. Yasuo goes on the front seat because boyfriend privilege, he would be taking care of the map but 99% of posibilites he will mess up and they end up driving the wrong way. Sarah would be the one taking pics and friendly annoying everyone. She would put her phone right in front of Yasuo's face from the back seat to take a messy pic of him and write 'this fucker got us lost lol' and post it. Pics of her holding hands with Illaoi with cute emojis, pics of Pyke asleep captioning 'mf fell asleep' and cute pics of braum counting cows/horses looking at the window. Illaoi would be the one saying '...I think this is the wrong way...' and argues with Yasuo because none of them understands the map, but she is also the one chewing constantly on gums cause she gets dizzy on the car, often downing the window for fresh air. Braum LOVES roadtrips, he loves the car ride the most, he really likes the ambience of being stuck with friends on a car and sharing stories or laughing around, he would keep everyone entertained and point at random things he sees from the window like cows, horses, farms, etc. He actually gets sad when the car ride is over but is quickly replaced with hapiness knowing he is going to have a great time with friends. Pyke would be the one sitting on the middle with Sarah (composition from left to right would be Illaoi, Sarah, Pyke, and Braum) and he feels uncomfortable between them but he has a messed up sleep schedule and needs a depression nap so ends up falling asleep on the car to everyone's surprise. Bonus points if he sleeps in 'dad' position with his arms crossed, but even more bonus points for my pykebraum shippers if he falls asleep accidentally on Braum's shoulder and he tries not to move not to wake him up.

#ruined king #ruined king au #this is cute actually #thanks for the ask #i love my babies #miss fortune #ahri #illaoi #pyke #braum #yasuo #headcanon #au #this post... has a lot of memories on it #a lot is based on personal experience #i vividly remember those groupchats playing silly games...#my friends falling asleep on the bus...#haha

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ggukiepie · 8 months

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WOWOW. one of your girls is so yummy.

very excited for next part and to see your perspective and ideas.

but for me i think we’d need more angst rather then revenge. im assuming jk has lots of friends who he sleeps with and its not just yn. which means to him yn is nothing special (unfortunately) thats why i dont see the point of ‘revenge’ because realistically i dont think jk really cares if yn fucks with someone else which has been proved in already the first part. (jk knows yn sleeps with jimin yet doesnt seem to really care and only wants sex.) he only looked for her to sleep with her in the first place & not because he wanted to have a friendly conversation or check up on her. he started touching her before he knew about her sleeping with someone else.

its kinda the same with yn as yn also slept with jimin (which was so hot.) , except she seems to be interested in jungkook. but i dont think yn is really letting jk walk all over her because shes well aware that jk sleeps with other woman and she knows he lied to her yet choose to not speak up. although i love how she can control herself cause if i was in her place id try bring attention to myself and make jk jealous OR js go up to him and slap him especially when he said he ‘just’ left the party while he has a red stain on his shirt 🥸 but by the way she controlled herself and didnt even let jk know that she saw him with another woman, it seems like she knows her feelings wouldnt matter to him because its probably casual for him to be with another (multiple) woman each night.

AND FOR THAT REASONNN^^^ i think the song suits it smmm 😣😣 it fits so perfectly. ive been nonstop listening to the song before i read it and its the first story that im so interested in to write about my opinion. ANYWAYS BACK TO THE STORY.

so maybe shes okay with just simply being one of his girls because she knows she wouldnt be anything more & also she may not want to stop sleeping with him because thats the only way he can be close to her relationship wise.

which means yn is literally just one of his girls for some of his nights. I LOVE THAT SMSMSM. also everything here is simply my opinion and arguments as to why there should be more angst rather then revenge for atleast now until theres more development in their characters and we’d know more. althought idk how many parts ur willing to give in for this. BUT thats simply my perspective, if u think of the story differently and wanted to choose a different way for them thats cool too

i talk alot im gonna stfu now but i really like ur writing and ur idea for it was really cool. im waiting for the next part, take ur time and i hope everythings well for you. 😁

-soo ??

nooooo you're literally so so sweet. thank you so much for taking the time to send me this message. i love ur review !!

im glad u got to see how i related the song and the story. yeah, yn is a bit...not in the right head space 😭 atp she's already given up on the chance that maybe jk might like her back. ofc she can't help but feel sad bc she fell for him. ure right that she's content with being one of his girls, she'll take whatever jungkook gives her :( she didn't even have to ask jk if he slept w that girl bc she already knows 🤧

on jk finding out abt yn and jimin - jk did ask her if they're friends "like us?" i wonder what he meant 🤔

maybe i can write a short backstory of yn and jk hmmmm

#thank u again !! this message made me smile #also gave me more inspo haha #i do have some ideas and i've written maybe 1k words already #asks #anon #anon soo #fic ooyg

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setsunatekiblast · 25 days

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sorry this is like fully just insane babble and a look into truly how fucking weird i am in the head im really considering making a blog JUST for venting but im too lazy to do that rn

so like general rundown for context

i did some really downright shitty things as a teenager as a result of unresolved trauma in basically every corner of my life at the time (obviously this doesnt absolve me from what happened). when i was told about the extent of it i apologised and distanced myself & never talked to anyone involved ever again.

months later when i expressed that a former friend who had (in my opinion, rightfully) stepped in to stop the situation from worsening had caused me harm prior to all this and that it was still impacting me on my private account, it was leaked to her. i was threatened with a callout post and she was acting like i wasnt truly sorry for the things i'd done/trying to change even though i had done my level best to be accountable for my behaviour and do what was asked of me.

because of everything that'd already happened + this i was living in this constant state of severe anxiety. as in, i could hardly eat due to feeling nauseous every moment i was conscious, would randomly start shaking and crying & my physical health was deteriorating at many points. i was like this from about july all the way through to november-early december, i think?

like all of this happened five years ago but ive absolutely refused to let myself move on because i thought i would be dodging accountability for my behaviour but i've kind of just had a mental shift recently (maybe from my kansai trip i think it did something to me). looking back while talking to my friend i internalised everything about that series of incidents so hard that i considered myself a horrible and irredeemable person, so ive been keeping myself at arms length from others because i didnt want it to happen all over again and didnt trust myself to actually change. i thought that if i was pursuing relationships with others, i wasnt being accountable enough and dodging my past behaviour.

idk im just tired of living like this. im tired of all the self-sabotage and the fear and anxiety i have over the most minor of things. i'm tired of jumping up and running at the first signs of closer friendships forming. i had a panic attack over someone calling me a friend for gods sake, that's not normal. its not! the fact i even struggle to call people friends because of all this fear about relationships with others after all that isn't good and i need to change from that lol

even just thinking that i deserve better makes me feel like im swallowing needles and glass though, and it sucks so fucking much LMFAOOOOOOO. i dont even know what to do because i feel so shitty about even trying to pursue support from those closest to me. i feel like i'm asking so, so much of people when i cant give much of anything in return. not to mention that right now even the idea of being misunderstood makes me feel absolutely terrible and like i need to be on the defensive. in general i feel like i offer so little that trying to lean on people is selfish and that i'm just going to end up hurting them like i did that friend who simply just wanted to help me. i don't want to feel this way anymore but it's a cycle and i don't know how to stop feeling so horrid about everything and actually. well. allow myself to feel supported AND be normal in the head about it

like i need to move on not just for my sake but because. really. it's been such a long time and i don't even recognise the person i was in those messages. but i can hear just how much pain my past self was in and that just sucks, man. my friend didn't want me to suffer, but he was rightfully hurt and angered by the way i behaved. the best way to show my remorse has always been to do better by those who come into my life, but i never wholly succeeded in that because 90% of the time i would sabotage my own relationships with others and not get too close out of fear that i was going to ruin it all and just be as shitty as i was before. i thought closing myself off would be doing right by him, and to a degree it was. but it wasn't productive for me because i wasn't doing anything but closing myself off

anyway i handled something pretty good tonight that i know my past self wouldve probably flipped out about so that's probably a good sign i guess. its actually kind of surprising to see that even though my spoons are maybe a 1 at best rn i can still handle things with some grace and tact and Not be terrible. idk. maybe things are gonna be okay, especially since i have so many people in my corner nowadays who want nothing more than to see me overcome everything

#blabber #SORRY. i needed to get this shit off my chest before i sleep #i just wanna be okay again and allow myself to have relationships with others like a normal human being again #anyway i have been listening to a STUPID amount of rina sawayama songs these last three weeks #im about to go sleep for like a year or something god i cant wait to talk to my counsellor in like two weeks #he is going to have a field day with this after he heard about my home life during these years

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who-is-shades · 3 months

Text

raz dnd 30

time to take on the feywilds! we see a big ol manor. dusky skies, dense forest, fancy hedges. parsley soo doesnt wanna be back here lol. says he has no idea where we are. teya says her sibs said they have family vaguely around here. parsley says no, avoid strangers please. have to avoid teya's relatives cause their gonna know the contract wants her. no woods wandering either. stay on the path!

parsley yells at wheatley teya and zen to stay on the path. senna is fine shes not dumb xD lights arent on in the manor. zens going to knock oh no. nothing but silence. time to find a path. senna links an arm with teya to keep her close. we find a straight path through the woods.

parsley asks if we know the rules of the feywilds. 'dont be yourselves!' dont accept any offers of anything. dont say thank you. best behavior watch out. teya awkwardly asks parsley about his leg. he asks about the stab wounds. he lies about believing everything will be ok xD wheatley hands parsley a flower and he says to not pick them. SP tries to go into the woods and gets scooped up.

some of the trees are moving oh no. parsley says thats normal lol. "wait until it starts raining flowers." oh neat. teya is messaging parsley about the twins friend abby that disappeared and he knew an abby. one of the moving trees is literally walking on the path and theres a house in it. theres a redcap inside! he pops his head out and checks us out.

parsley does a stupid bow and introduces himself and tries to get his name xD 'like from the court?' oh hes known joy. trying to find the court. no were not family pets. 'potentially' thanks man. talking about firbolgs. hes asks her name zedalia. hes trying to fucking take it wtf. hes trying to sell us stuff now wtf no. hes seen some bots that look like wheatley with red eyes the woods took em. he wants to talk to him privately? no he WANTS a word, no hes not giving you any fuck off. parsley says its a classic. teya gives him the word artichoke lol. he points into the woods of course asshole. fucker is blocking the path. move asshole.

welcome to the feywilds.

we see a hand reach out trying to drag itself onto the path. its a robot! then something drags it back into the forest. dont piss off the woods. the path begins to move and it splits in two great. going on the right path. were back at the fork somehow coming from the left. going back the previous way i guess. just a straight path now.

wheatley fucking asks the path if it can take us somewhere with medical attention. no response. the path splits in 8 for fucks sake. gonna keep following parsley on path 1. he asks teya if this is what she wanted lol. we see that fucking redcap again. he offers to get us out for a cost. we dont want it. teya is trying to fucking message the guy and senna grabs her but she just says it outloud. he wants parsley to put in a good word for him xD his name is fiddlefink. parsley finally agrees against his will xD

grabbing onto the walking tree! off the path and into the woods. some of the trees move out of the way. walking up a steep incline. then its sliding down. we approach a big town in front of a castle!

#senna #dnd #dnd adventures

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jazz-kitty · 1 year

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CONGRATS ON BEATING THE GAME! Any particular stand-out thoughts you want to share??

OH MY GOD DO I....... first of all fern sevilla. oh my god. i love everything he had going on.well. big shocker from residential fern fan #3 but. GOOD FUCKING LORD.

i really liked seeing him and florinia. for a lot of gay little personal reasons but like. i dunno. it's nice to see him slowly try repairing his relationship with florinia. and trying to be a good person despite it all. and just. getting better i think.

he played the cards life had dealt him and played them fucking SOOOO POORLY LIKE SO BAD. but its never like. the end. his life doesn't stop and he doesn't have to go sacrifice himself and die. well. forever. to go prove that he's improved but like. he keeps on trying!!!! he keeps on going!!!!!! this shit is hard and he's embarrassed and frankly it SUCKS but he keeps on going. he apologizes to florinia he apologizes to the player and he shows that hes sorry!!!

i just think. that fern is very cool. and he deserves good things. because things get bad and in return you'll get worse but the grass still gets greener so long as you make the effort to grow it. i think that was like 8 metaphors strung together and im not sure how effectively that worked but you get my sentiment at the very least!!!

i dont know. i just love fern. he just wanted people to smile at him, but tried getting that through fear and intimidation. because being a normal kid was never enough for florinia, so clearly he was doing something wrong, right? so he gets worse and worse because this is the closest he's gotten to a Reaction out of florinia in years and if the universe won't give him what he deserves he'll take it.

JUST KIDDING. #EPICFAIL FERN. after the protagonist fucks his shit up again on victory road infront of everyone everything just. Happens. he deserved better than this- and maybe in a different timeline, thats what he got- but hes stuck HERE. mfw i am a chad but i have psychological problems so i am stuck here with you virgins. and he's embarrassed to all hell and florinia *still* just doesn't give a shit and then he starts arguing and yelling about how unfair lifes been to him and. no one cares. he doesn't get any sympathy because he doesn't deserve it and he's thrown into the machinery and is bleeding out and everyone is walking away

well. nearly everyone is.

florinia's still there. because in some fucked up way she still cares about her little brother. and in some even more fucked up way, fern cares too. he can't admit it and sure as hell wont for *checks watch* at least 60 more hours of gameplay. but theres a reason he wants a reaction out of her so bad.

and then he fights you again in the wasteland and loses *again* and he tries getting the mew and fails *that* too and his face is fucked up and everything is fucked up. and, in fact, continues to get fucked up! he stays in the corner of the nightclub because no one wants to talk to him and he doesnt wanna talk to anyone and. and. shafjsagasfhdsjkg. and despite it all. despite no one caring and despite it sucking so bad for him to do. he still tries to improve himself. he admits maybe the protagonist wasn't so bad.

and then the mewtwo quest. he takes the bullet for the protagonist and gets turned to stone. he didn't have to. it was only those two. it'd be one annoying as fuck competitor down anyways

and LORD HIS FUCKING UMBRAL AND THE MOMENTS LEADING UP TO IT SORRY NO TRYIN TO BE NORMAL RIGHT NOW IM GONNA EXPLODE. IM GONNA FUCKING EXPLODE. IM GOING TO EXPLODE. HE CARES SO FUCKING MUCH. fern message I DONT EVEN CARE *throws up and cries from caring so hard*. HE FOUGHT TWO KIDS FIVE YEARS OLDER THAN HIM JUST CAUSE THEY FUCKED UP FLORINIA'S BIRTHDAY. DUDE COME ON. BUT HE THOUGHT THAT. FLORINIA DIDNT CARE. ABOUT HIM OR ANYTHING HE'D DO.

and in his umbral state where all bets are off its time to give fucking EXPOSITION. deepest desires that he'd never say out loud. what are they you might ask person who's definitely already played reborn and know sthe answer? its seeing his sister safe T_T HE WAS SCARED. HE WAS SCARED AND JUST WANTED IT TO HURT LESS TO THINK THAT FLORINIA DIDN'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT HIM. GOD. GOD. GODDDDDD. but in his own fucked up way he loves her and always has and hjkdsg

and then he breaks out of it and florinia expects him to just go back to normal- that it was all made up and strings that lin had pulled to get a laugh out of it, or something. but NO he genuinely just wants to. hgdjkshgs. hajnxzm. hfhjkhdgsjgkg. because. things can get better. they really really can. and. oughhhhhhhhh.

and by the end its like. they've lost a lot of time together and on their lives being the kinds of people that'd keep them save but never keep them happy. but its never too late. and. things can get better. and even if its slow and awkward and the first thing they do is immediately argue over what they're gonna tell everyone else about what happened because lord knows the protagonist wont but florinias version is BORINGGGGGGGGG as HELLLLL but at the same time ferns includes 3 more explosions than were probably there they both think. that maybe its not too late. not too late to have a little brother. not too late to have an older sister

#pokemon reborn #pokemon reborn spoilers #sorry for typing so much dude T_T #my best friend who i normally talk about this stuff to HAS NOT FINISHED REBORN. SO I AM LEFT ALONE. AND ILL DIE OUT HERE #FERN SEVILLA #MY SPECIALIST SHINING STAR #jazzask

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lafrexniere · 9 months

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where are youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuyuuuuuuuuu

Lemme address my disappearance.

Im so sorry, Im super busy right now I will probably be more active in the last week of august and first two weeks of september bc thats when everyone leaves and I'm still at home chillin bc i go to school so late. There's just a lot going on and the only down time I get I just play video games or do nothing bc it's exhausting, so I will try to write again when I can but theres just a whole lot of physical and mental drainage right now.

My life rn:

Had strep throat for two weeks

Grad party

Time with my bf - this is taking a lot of my time up

Summer hockey - Drama with my teammates but its whatever idc last game is tonight then im done. Just people don't know how to treat goalies thats all I will say especially when ur the only one who willingly volunteered to play goalie (I LOVE MY GOALIE PARTNER THO LOVE LOVE LOVE HER) but when you are the only goalie on the team for a while and every loss becomes your fault even tho every shot you face is a breakaway and you face so many shots they stop counting and I manage to let in 5-6 goals a game bc no one is playing defense whatever (sorry rant)

Summer college class - also taking up a lot of time

Golfing

Packing and shopping for college

Managing a college hockey team

Performing at a music festival - practices

Other performance and rehearsals for other groups

My friends all kinda left me meaning I have lack of motivation to really do stuff bc sad - main motive for lack of inspo, this is a whole long story but I'll say it anyway: My bf is a year older than all of my friend group and plays hockey, they are not hockey people and they all have some problem that he doesnt do the same thing they do so they kinda exclude him when I host things and it just becomes and awkward situation. A whole thing went down with prom pics bc I left a gc with my toxic ex who is in the friend group who is nothing but mean to me and my bf and no one knows, me leaving that gc caused a whole uproar meaning everyone cancelled prom pics with me and tried to relocate an event I WAS HOSTING. There was a lot of lying and betrayal of trust and even tho they apologized no one will tell me the truth about prom. I then went to a concert with two of my friends in that group and they basically ditched me at the concert and were like whispering about stuff i already knew about and it was just like hurtful. Now they all do stuff without me and post it on Snap and Bereal where they know I can see it and dont even think to invite me. They all ignored me at MY OWN grad party yesterday so yeah whyd you come if it was to not see me (that sounds selfish im sorry) so theres my situation

Writers block 🤪 - trust me ive tried working on prompts you all have sent me and i just cant get started or i do start and its just like he said she said things and it just gets too boring

Sorry this became a little rant but yeah this is where I have disappeared to

Feel free to message me here tho or my insta (same username) if you want to talk about hockey boys or hockey or whatever and maybe even get to know me a little this is a sneak peek into my life 😁

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who-is-shades · 7 months

Text

raz dnd 16 mini sesh

lots of emotions from last time and also everyone in discord saying the robots are hot now lol

the robots leave the temple with senna following at a bit of a distance. parsley is setting up camp. zen guides android to the camp and he disassociates. wheatley is helping or trying to help parsley set up camp.

senna messages zen shes going to get teya and leaves. wheatley decides to learn message lol. senna finds teya thank goodness. shes doodling against a tree. senna comes over and sits nearby but not too close, watching her draw. oh its journaling actually.

senna tilts her head cutely and asks what shes doing. teya snaps the book shut quickly and senna apologizes. 'scared the life outta me did ya?' senna scoots a little bit closer. 'so uh...hell of a day right?' its been a lot for like a week lol. 'was this adventure everything you thought it would be?' senna tells teya she still has a life cause she keeps putting herself down.

teya asks what senna wanted out of this. senna gives a hollow and sad laugh. senna leans back and asks if teya will judge her. she promises not too. 'do you remember that feeling of hitting rock bottom, but you keep going anyway?' yep. 'i hoped this journey would help me take another step forward. and letely i dont know if im doing the right thing. and that scares me.' teya says she will reassure her if necessary. senna apologizes for cutting teya out. 'of course i gotta worry about you. your my little teya.' senna scoots even closer. 'i wanna tell you whats going on, but even im not sure whats happening to me.' teya says she will listen, even if she doesnt know.

'can i tell you a secret?' 'of course.' senna says she was a sorceror. her body is changing now. its never done that before and she feels angry ALL the time,like something wants to break loose. she says spingledorf tried to help and she shows teya an orb. how it glowed and began changing her faster. AS WERE TALKING THE ORB FUCKING GLOWS GODDAMN ITS IN HER HAND DAMMIT!

senna screams and drops the orb. too late. 1 level in sorcery and more physical changes! even more red scales over her body! its on her hands and neck now. its covering some of the circutry bits darn. her lower back is uncomfortable. her teeth are more noticible. SHES GROWING A FUCKING TAIL! senna is blue screening. 'do you see what i mean? i have a FUCKING tail.' shes gonna be a lot more emotional from now on. she shoves the orb back in the bag pissed.

teya hugs her aww. senna hugs her back shaking. 'i dont know whats going on but your not alone.' senna says shes scared to lose herself. 'you wont.' senna buries her face in teya's shoulder.

wheatley managed to set up the tents good job! SP is pretending to put up the tents lol. no ones really talking their all sad. parsley keeps making a fire and SP keeps messing up the fire. parsley sighs and goes to help wheatley who is stuck in the tent. wheatley goes to sit next to android. android just kinda zones out. SP looks at android and goes 'fix?' aww he wants to help him.

zen asks how wheatley is fairing. 'im tired. i didnt like that but that was obvious.' 'would you like to the on the otherside of me i have more arms?' he looks at android then shakes his head.

teya looks at senna. 'so how do you wanna handle this with the others.' 'i dont think i can hide this and its not beneficial.' teya offers her hat and senna pats her on the head. 'by the way have you noticed how you look lately?' senna puts her circutry arm by her face and says we match. teya feels her face and sighs. senna says they look pretty on her. 'you know you do that a lot.' 'do what?' 'you give compliments freely.' senna steps back and apologizes if she made her uncomfortable. 'no i care about you. a lot. and i dont know how you feel and it confuses me and i know were not on the same page and please speak im digging a hole.' senna says she likes her too and wants to get to know her more, but theres something you should know.

'im still technically married.' what. 'marriage was a business contract back home and i was lucky me and my husband liked each other. they probably never filed the paperwork for divorce.' teya is blue screening. senna tries to fix this by saying marriage was political and that most had mistresses and stuff for love rather than the marriage itself.

meanwhile parsley keeps collecting firewood and wheatley tells him 'we definitely have plenty you can sit. are you ok?' hes just overwhelmed and awkward with all that info lol.

teya finally responds! she laughs and says 'well id be lying if i hadnt taken marriage into account before with partners and i still wanna learn about you.' senna, whos ears had been flat, perk back up yay! senna giggles, picks up teyas hand and gives it a kiss. THE GAYS ARE BACK ON! time to head back to camp lol.

senna and teya are back yay! yep senna looks different now lol. zen is concerned. 'what happaned to you?' teya squeezes her hand. parsley is like wtf. 'well im a sorceror and i appear to slowly being turned into a dragon.' 'recent development?' 'within the last week yes.' wheatley says everyone has recent developments this week lol. senna shows the orb and explains it and stuff. wheatley remarks that we all have orbs! senna says thats not all we have in common. senna hands him a pocket mirror and tells him to look at his eye. wheatley says he doesnt see through his eye. senna confesses that she did it. zen says he also approved. senna apologizes for not asking him permission since he was kinda dead. wheatley says he woke up with that crack. but he does like the pattern being symbolic of the robot gods.

parsley is just like 'hell of a week.' wheatley apologizes if he unnerved any of us. parsley looks at wheatley and says he thought he died when he got turned off. 'it felt like it.' android speaks up barely. 'he can remove it.'

time for the long rest. awkward for the people stuck awake lol. wheatley goes eeby deeby for a moment but its for plot. little brother sent a message to wheatley awww. now its morning! here comes spingledorf! heres back to compensate us pog. wheatley and android dont wanna talk to spingledorf lol. teya returns a book to spingledorf. he notices senna and goes wide eyed. senna kneels down and says its ok they know. parsley decides to be a shit and goes 'WHAT HAPPANED?!' senna doesnt even bat an eye 'this is what happens when you fuck a dragon.'

spingledorf says its just her bloodline and its progressed super fast. the changes shouldve faded away. senna says the orb glowed and 'enhanced' her. parsley asks if she could grow wings and senna gets excited. dorf mentions her psyche will also take a hit. as a descedant of a red dragon shes more tempramental. he offers to take the orb back but senna shrugs and says her body is gonna keep changing anyway. dorf considers us friends awww.

items pog! parsley is shown that cursed axe! boosts his attack a bit but he gets super attached and he might go beserk when he gets attacked. nope he doesnt want it. handaxe of warning! much better.

time for teya! parsley goes to check on the firewood lol. teya gets a magic wand of wonder!

time for senna! guardian emblem! no more crits on senna or her pals! fashioned into the holy symbol of her goddess.

time for wheatley! he gets a laser pistol?! he shoots it at a tree and it leaves a burnt mark. wheatley is so excited! he shoots near parsley. he fucking shot him goddammit. wheatley freaks tf out and casts cure wounds. parsley is so pissed.

#senna #dnd #dnd adventures

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