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#and i dont trust anyone especially myself
stopgorepeat · 2 years
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While we're all talking about Andhra being ace and Rue coming out extremely publicly can we talk about that beautiful moment. Immediately after Rue reveals their true form, Andhera goes to them, embraces them, which we know canonically is the most true demonstration of comfort and platonic affection in the unseelie court, and expresses sadness that they ever felt the need to hide as well as a reassurance that they are not alone.
The soft eyes and queer solidarity had me more choked up than anything yet. Oscar said it is always a dice role to come out, and is correct. But I hope everyone has their moment of terror in the face of being out balmed by the comfort of understanding and the validation of not being alone.
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thefrogdalorian · 6 days
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Having of those moments where I wish to yeet the like button into the sun or maybe make it so there was setting you could turn on so that people can only reblog posts (even better with the minimum requirement of adding at least one tag)!!
It's kind of absurd that one of my fics is getting close to 500 notes while simultaneously being one I've had the least actual human interactions come from. Like...... come on, that's now how it should be AT ALL!
Don't get me wrong, I'm so thrilled people are clearly finding it and I guess enjoying it(??) but just having endless likes without people letting me know what they enjoyed about it or even if they liked it kind of makes me sad. That's not why I want to share my writing here!
I love having those little human connections with others. I don't ever want my writing to feel transactional. I would love to talk to more people about things I've written. It's truly one of the best feelings and I would hate to lose that, the more I write or the more notes my fics get. Please don't be shy!! I get the social anxiety, but there is no reason to be. I am truly just a Din Djarin obsessed loser.
Anyway, whine over. I don't want to focus on the negatives here and I appreciate every single person who has ever left a positive interaction with something I've written. You are truly a light!
#i don't JUST like posts too often#really the only posts i dont reblog but like are to save for later or if it's too personal/explicit#or i guess i have nothing to add and OP has said it all yknow#but if i see some writing or art i love then hell yeah i always force myself to add at least one tag i like just so the artist/author sees#otherwise it feels like a hollow transaction and i really want people to know i appreciate their art more than just pressing a button yknow#and I KNOW it's intimidating at first to interact with others!! TRUST ME i get it and i'm still awful at it#but just one little comment can make someone feel so good about their writing... why wouldn't someone want to try that at least#especially if you enjoyed it!!! even a key smash or a string of emojis!!!#and the death of the tumblr tag is SO SAD because where else am i meant to talk to you lot?#i mean these tags are longer than my actual post and that's the beauty of tumblr#you don't have to perceive me down here but you can if you wish and i love you for that!#and it's a nice way to organise your blog to make it navigable for others#ANYWAY said i was done whining and continued whining down here so there's that LOL but i always want to interact with more people#please do not be afraid of reaching out to me! scroll through my blog for 5 seconds and you'll see what a nerdy loser i am#akdjgds i mean aren't we all here#spud rants#writing#but thanks again to anyone who leaves nice comments im giving you a (consensual) forehead smooch MWAH
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sturnmad · 4 months
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Chris getting a little too relatable w his fear of commitment now
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softshuji · 4 months
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y'know it's a night when hal sits and eats cereal in the dark room at 1.30am.
#i was thinking abt it earlier#but i've been crying so much lately like so much. almost every second day if not every day and i dont know why#actually i do kinda know why.#i think im hitting my limit with a lot of things and one of them is my parent dumping their problems on me#earlier today my mom told me again abt the whole debacle with my dad cheating on her multiple times and everyone knows i find this subject#too much for me i dont tlike to think about it or anything and im so tired of hearing it and especially when i lived through it trust me i#was literally there the whole cheating subject is very raw to me for many reasons and im just tired of being the emotional dump so often#especially because she always comes to me for everything all the time and im so sos tire d#everyone always tells me i should consider my own needs as a person and its okay to have them and yk in theory i agree with this but i just#cant. i grew up not having any needs met so how can i let myself have them now it makes me feel absolutely awful with myself to even#consider having to ask for something off someone and yet i know how wrong this is iknow needa and desires and wants are natural#but mine have always been on the back burner for everyone else. so its' no surprise ive let myself think im something to be used for other#peoples sake. whether that be physically or emotionally and especially the latter. because thats how i see myself someitmes. something#something to make people feel betetr about themselves that has no use outside of how i make them feel - just something to use until they#move onto the next best thing. something more entertaining and better value whatever that might mean something with less feelings less#sensitive. it feels like sometimes thats what i am. the indestructible never breaking hal that somehow has a solution to everything and can#always be there to fix every issue and is there to make people feel better but needs nothing in response#and god it really does feel like my problems dont mean anything to anyone#it does feel like no one thinks theyre worth anything#not worth listening to not worth thr same attention etcetc and yknow what i hate hate hate asking for attention and yet i get upset when i#feel like im not actually being heard or listened to#and i find it happens so often. sometimes i wanna hear it just once for once i wanna hear 'hey its okay to be upset i wish i could hug you'#or something like that god i dont want to be strong and nursing my wounds in private anymore#god i want a hug so bad and someone to just let me cry on them just once i want to be held and told someones got me instead of me doing it#for everyone else all the time#is thisselfish? it feels selfish to say#this is why it affects me so deeply whenever anyone does validate me or tells me its ok to want things or that im loved or anything nice#god i cant handle niceness at all it feels like it knocks me so bad it takes me ages to recover#and yet somehow all i can tell myself is that theyre only saying nice things because theyre being obligated to and not becayuse they feel#like they actually like me
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snekdood · 1 year
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Whats pretty frustrating for me is that i know theres people who think of my preferences as like. Super unrealistic or something... as if i dont already know that. like.
The whole point is that im literally so scared of getting with other people that if they arent like the person i want to be with in my head, i dont trust them. It has nothing really to do with how "attractive" they are, rather, i self isolated for a while in highschool, realized that my base emotional feelings towards others was mistrust, and decided at that time it was impossible to find trustworthy people so I instead decided to go inwards and essentially "make up" people that i could trust. Because part of me really REALLY doesnt want to believe this is a cold heartless world where you cant trust anyone, I then would try instead to find these people externally. I know its not realitisc but I still havent met someone outside of my characters who I feel like I can fully trust.
#and now even especially after that abusive relationship#where someone knew this and then decided to betray me anyways#not giving an inch of a fuck how my trust is effected or how the rest of my life will be#like they essentially sealed for me that i cant trust anyone ever again and the only people i can trust is my ocs.#ive yet to be proven otherwise.#mood#so yeah. me being like 'ur not good enough for me lol 😜' is me coping with the fact that i dont feel like anyone is good enough to trust.#and ig my effort to socially shame people into trying to be trustworthy enough to be with me if they want it that bad lol#probably not a good thing but i also dont want to get hurt anymore !#kinda tired of getting really close to people only for thme to betray my trust like! i dont think yall understand.#i retreated into myself for years bc of csa. i finally open myself up back to the world. find someone who PRETENDS ro be everything i want#and everything i can trust in a person. literally told this person so much about myself. so much more than ibe told literally any other#physical person. i got so extremely vulnerable eith this person like with no one before. only for them to do a 180 and sexually abuse me#also. and yall expect me to walk awya from this situation unscathed and unbothered and i just need to let myself fall in love with like#anyone and everyone 🤪 when theyve essentially sealed the fate of me never being able to trust another external person ever again.#and then yall wonder why i wanna burn the earth over.
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pepprs · 2 years
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literally for so many reasons i should not do this program tomorrow but explaining why i can’t would be so embarrassing but also i really shouldn’t. lol
#i keep panicking bc i don’t know how to talk abt this in a way that makes it safe for ANYONE. it feels wildly wildly inappropriate to be#participating in a conversation about such an intensely personal sensitive thing LET ALONE facilitating one as someone who has been touched#by it directly. and maybe that’s just me being weird abt this entire broad topic my whole life and uncomfortable at the prospect of even#saying the broad words and touching on the overall topic but this really really feels unbearable and bad. but also i can’t not do it so. lol#purrs#the thought of telling my story and going as deep as i possibly can which might trigger someone when i don’t know who is in the room and#THEN hearing stories from everyone in the room — people i KNOW!!! interact with on a daily basis!!’ — about what horrific things they mightv#been through and getting triggered by that. AND possibly also having ppl in the room who think it’s all bullshit and will say stuff and#everyone else is allowed to react if they’re triggered by that but i am not because im the facilitator and my job is to deescalate. like lol#how am i supposed to do any one of those things. potentially all of them. i feel like collapsing and to say why it makes me feel like#collapsing would involve me having to explain this to people i know anyway so either way im fucked. and like i do want to talk about it very#much but also i dont. at least not until i know what everyone has gone through first. bc i don’t want to hurt anyone bc it can be painful an#and i get hurt by hearing stories too. which is like dumb bc it’s not even MY thing to have stories about lol but im still like this. anyway#this is clearly something i need to be working thru in therapy bc it impacts my life in ways literally no one else in the world sees or#knows about but i don’t know if i will ever be able to bring it up in therapy bc it is just so uncomfortable and embarrassing for me. lol#and like i know km going to contradict myself in even telling the story too which will open the door for someone on the other side to do a#gotcha. and i don’t even know what to do w that. i don’t trust anyone who might be in that room to listen or understand or protect me which#i especially should just let go of because as the facilitator im the person who has to do the protecting. and it sucks bc i need protecting#with this and i will have to pretend im strong and healthy about it when really i have no right to be leading a conversation about it or#even talking about it bc it happened to me but not in ways that anybody even thinks about or cares to think about. so lol. ok stop rambling#even before this all started i have a tjougjt related to this topic every single day. every single one. and it just makes me squirm to think#that now i have to talk about it bc it’s my job. and i really really want to. and i really really don’t
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mrfoox · 10 months
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Can information be an love language? Because I think it's mine...
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turnbacktyne · 1 year
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/ /tw emeto, Dream situation, anxiety, self harm in tags
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I'm just so tired of fucking up
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partyhere · 2 years
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i love the people close to me in my life so so much it’s insane but i’m just so done with myself i don’t know what to do
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normansnt · 2 months
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Ace
(Alastor x male reader)
Explain to Alastor what Ace means
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"(Y/N)?" Called out Alastor to you
"Yes?" You answered not looking up from what you were reading.
"Would you like to go, get some coffee with me, in, what your generation calls, a date?"
Now to this you looked up.
"What?" You answered very confused
"In a...romantic way?" He tried explaining it to you thinking thats the part you didn't understand.
"I mean...I would love to but you dont have to push yourself if it would make you feel uncomfortable" you answered while you put your book down slowly on the coffee table.
"Uncomfortable? Why would it make me uncomfortable we are close are we not?"
Now he got confused as well.
"Well because...your ace and/or aro?"
"What is with that word, Rosie said it as well and the meaning of it still avoids me" he answered starting to get annoyed by his lack of understanding.
"What- ohhhh what did you say when did you die?"
"1933, however its quite rude to ask someone that." He answered looking at you in a scolding way.
"I'm sorry but because you lived back than thats why you don't know that word, please sit let me explain"
He sat down on the couch in front of you.
"Ok, so when we say 'ace' we refer to someone who has little to no sexual attraction and aromantic or aro is someone who has little to no romantic attraction. Of course there is much more to this subject but this kind of sums it up."
Alastor just stared at you.
Him? Not being interested in romantic relationships or sex??
Thats...true. He never felt the need to sleep with anyone he was doing totally fine without it. Romance...was another category completely however, and he didn't know if it was something he was interested in it or not.
He asked you out in the first place because he felt very good in your presence. He felt comfortable and content. Was that not romance?
"Alastor?" He has been staring at you for a while and it was quite creepy.
"Listen I understand thats a lot of information to process especially if you just realized some things about yourself so I can leave if you like-"
"No" Answered Alastor a bit fast. He has made up his mind. He might not be interested in a sexual relationship however he really wanted to kiss you right now.
"It might be true that I have not known this so far in my life or death, and you did make me realize some things about myself, but even so my offer still stands."
"Oh? Are you sure because I only want to if it doesn't make you uncom-"
You couldn't get the rest of your sentence out due to a pair of lips on yours.
Alastor kissed you.
You were stunned for a second but after you realized what was happening you kissed back immediately.
His lips were surprisingly soft, not to mention he did pretty good looking at the fact that it was his first kiss.
"Trust me, dear, If something would make me uncomfortable I wouldn't do it." He said grinning and holding your chin after you two parted.
You were a blushing mess.
You've never thought about Alastor that way, since you thought he was aromantic. But now that you did, fucking god, you like him.
Whit that thought in mind you kissed him again.
This time you stood up and he put his hands on your waist while yours were on his neck.
It wasn't a heated kiss and it will never be very likely you didn't want to step over his boundaries.
"...So my dear, would you like to get that coffee now?" He asked smiling while offering you his arm.
"I would love to" you smiled back at him.
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Guys I have a serious problem Im literally shitting words I have never written this many fanfics in one go🥹
BUT YK WHAT WORTH IT CUZ I LOVE EM
I literally love almost all characters in hazbin hotel so much I JUST CANNOT STOP💀
Thank you sm for the correction @whyarewehere103 😎🙏🧡
I hope you enjoyed your reading ladies,gentleman and other, good afternoon good evening and good night🦖🧡
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girasollake · 1 year
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everything i wanted
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ꨄpairing: neteyam x fem!omaticaya!reader / jake sully x reader(platonic)
ꨄrequested: no
ꨄtype: mostly angst, some fluff
ꨄsummary: you always wanted to feel appreciated, neteyam always wanted to be the best warrior; in short: u seek validation in older men cause you dont have family and because you are the best warrior, neteyam is jealous of you, the whole fic roughly follows the plot of atwow!!! ummmm kinda enemies to lovers?????
ꨄwarnings: SPOILERS AHEAD, DONT READ IF U HAVENT SEEN ATWOW, mentions of being shot, angst, my bad writing cause i havent written anything since september, reader is a year older than neteyam
ꨄa/n: i feel like this is so bad i am sorry
ꨄword count: 3,402
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‘How could you both be so stupid?’ You threw your hands in the air and shot a glare at Neteyam. ‘You could’ve died! Does that mean nothing to you? Your father explicitly told you to observe, not engage! You are like a child Neteyam, both you and Lo’ak!’
‘I wanted to stop him, he’s just too disobedient.’ He avoided your eyes.
‘And you had to take the blame again? He’s never going to learn if you keep doing that.’ You shook your head and sighed.
‘Can you stop? I’m the oldest and I need to protect my siblings.’
‘No. No, Neteyam. I am the oldest. I may not be your sibling but I am the oldest and, believe it or not, I wouldn’t forgive myself if anything happened to them.’
Especially you.
‘You can protect them, be a big brother, but don’t take credit for every stupid thing they do!’ You moved closer to him and snapped your fingers in front of his face to get his attention. ‘I know you want to prove your father you can be a warrior, but it doesn’t mean that you have to put your life at risk when Lo’ak does something stupid.’ You huffed. ‘Just be careful next time.’
Neteyam felt jealous of you, of the way his father trusted you enough to put you in risky missions because he knew you would survive, of the way he praised your fighting skills and of the way he put you on a pedestal. You were born during the first war with the sky people and both of your parents had died fighting. The clan surrounded you with love when you were growing up, but you had never had anyone to call a mother or a father. You were just an orphan trying to find a place alongside everyone that you crossed paths with. So, when Neteyam was jealous of you having his father approval and trust, you were jealous of him for having a real family. When you were younger you would hide behind the trees and watch them cuddle underneath the night sky, your little heart breaking and longing for this kind of comfort and love. Even though you were Omatikaya by blood you still sometimes felt like an outsider. You occupied your time with training, flying, shooting arrows and that’s why Jake was impressed, that’s why you were one of his favorite warriors and he knew he could trust you. He even got you your own gun, which Neteyam and Lo’ak were especially jealous of.
Deep down you knew what this was about. Jake cared about you, but not like he cared about his own children. That was the real reason you were sent on those missions, the reason he took you everywhere with him on fights. He just didn’t want to risk his sons life's. You knew that and you still took part in everything because those were the moments when you felt like you belong.
° 𐐪𐑂 ♡ 𐐪𐑂 ₒ 𐐪𐑂 ♡ 𐐪𐑂 °
‘Can we talk?’ Jake asked from behind you.
‘Of course, sir.’ You nodded your head and stopped sharpening the spears.
He sat down next to you and sighed.
‘We are leaving tomorrow.’ He said firmly. ‘This is not a safe place for my family anymore.’
‘Oh, I see.’ You whispered, a wave of sadness ran through your whole body.
‘I want you to come with us.’ Your ear twitched and you looked up at him with hopeful eyes. ‘And I want you to promise me you will protect my children when I won’t be able to do it myself.’
‘I promise.’ You answered quickly. ‘I’ll do my best, sir.’
He smiled at you and stood up, ‘Tomorrow after the ceremony. Be ready.’ He shot you one last glance and walked away.
The next day you were waiting for the Sully family by the ikrans, your thoughts were interrupted by a loud shriek of Tuk.
‘Are you coming with us (Y/n)?’ She asked after she ran up to you.
‘I am.’ You smiled at her and after giving you a hug she ran back to her mom in order to get on an ikran with her.
While you were checking your bags attached to your own animal, you felt someone intensely staring at the back of your head. You didn’t have to turn around to know it was Neteyam. You never knew why he gave you those weird glances, a part of you wished they weren’t that hateful. At first you tried being friends with him, but after a while his behavior towards you had changed. While you were getting along with his younger siblings, he was always staying away from you, watching your every move. The relationship between you felt like some sort of rivalry, but there was always this warm feeling you couldn’t shake off when you knew he was nearby.
After a long, tiring flight to the Metkayina clan you were exhausted, the thought of laying down was the only one in your head. You made the appropriate gesture towards the Tsahik and the Olo’eyktan when they arrived and you suddenly felt really small under Ronal’s gaze. She started walking around you all, examining your tails and postures.
‘Is this also your child, Jakesully?’ She asked, you could feel her judging eyes on you.
‘No. She’s not my child, but she is the best warrior in our clan and she is important to my family.’
‘Is that true?’ She moved to look into your eyes.
‘Yes, Tsahik Ronal.’ You gave her a long nod and felt the warm feeling spreading in your heart after hearing that you were important to the Sully’s.
She whispered something to herself and went back to her husband who a moment later agreed that all of you could stay with them. You smiled to yourself when you were walking through the village following Tsireya, everything felt so fresh and untouched by war, those people didn’t live in fear unlike your clan. You dropped your belongings on the floor and went over to Neytiri to help her.
‘It’s okay, you can go with others and learn the Metkayina ways, I can handle the unpacking.’ She told you and put her hand on your arm.
‘Are you sure?’
‘Yes, go.’ She smiled sweetly and playfully pushed you towards the exit of your new home.
You ran towards the shore and started looking for your friends. When you finally spotted them you quickly jumped into the water and swam quickly in their direction.
‘Can I join?’ You asked Tsireya when you emerged from the water.
‘Of course!’ She gave you a smile. ‘Follow us everyone.’
After swimming for a while she took all of you to meet the ilu’s and learn how to ride them. You were scared of failure, especially after seeing how fast Lo’ak let go of his ilu. Tsireya helped you get on the animal and told you that you’re gonna be okay, you just have to hold it tight.
‘How could she not be fine? She’s the best warrior after all.’ Neteyam muttered with annoyance.
‘Stop it.’ Kiri smacked his arm.
‘What? She shouldn’t be here, her place is with the clan. I don’t even get why she’s here with us in the first place.’
‘It’s not my fault your dad values my skills more than he does yours.’ You replied harshly and then without a second thought told your ilu in your mind to go forward.
You felt angry at Neteyam, rage was filling your body. You were the best for a reason and you would prove that to him. You tightened your grip on the handle attached to the animal’s body and took the biggest breath in your life before diving into the depths of the ocean. The speed was horrible and you felt your hand slowly relaxing.
No. I won’t give him the satisfaction.
You tightened your fist and held the handle even harder than before. After readjusting your position and squeezing your thighs to feel more steady you felt the oxygen slowly leaving your lungs. You shut your eyes and rode upwards, soon emerging from the water and jumping with your ilu only to dive again. You rode over to your friends and smiled at Tsireya. Everyone was impressed, because this was your first try and it definitely required special skills to get it this perfect. Annoyance was written on Neteyam’s face, he scoffed and started swimming away. You sighed and got off the ilu.
‘Neteyam, wait!’ You screamed and swam towards him.
He didn’t even look back and you reached him after you both got out of the water.
‘Neteyam, what happened?’ You touched his arm and he immediately turned around to face you.
‘You happened.’ He scoffed. ‘I am tired of you taking my place all the time. I try so hard to meet my dad’s standards and it’s never appreciated because of you!’
‘It’s not my fau-‘
‘It is. It is your fault.’ He interrupted your sentence and walked away quickly.
And there it was again. The feeling of loneliness consumed you once again, when the boy you adored walked away feeling only hatred towards you. Sure, you were often picking fights with him, replying to his comments with the same energy, but maybe this time you really did take it too far?
° 𐐪𐑂 ♡ 𐐪𐑂 ₒ 𐐪𐑂 ♡ 𐐪𐑂 °
You were helping Tsireya with some of the duties one day and Neteyam was far from you, but still in your sight. You were stealing quick glances at him so that your friend wouldn’t see it, when suddenly he quickly swam away and you couldn’t see him anymore. You excused yourself and left Tsireya by herself to go and see what had happened that made him go that fast. The closer you got to the direction he swam towards, the better you heard voices screaming and sounds of fighting. You came over to Kiri, she was softly laughing at the pile of boys in front of her. You had to admit it was funny, but at the same time you were all supposed to be on your best behavior. Because of that, you walked over to them and hissed loudly, their heads turning to face you.
‘Enough.’ You spat and looked over at Lo’ak and Neteyam. ‘Both of you.’
They stood up and walked towards Kiri, you hissed at the Metkayina boys once again and turned around to join the Sully’s.
‘It was going well, you didn’t have to-‘
‘Was it, Lo’ak?’ You stopped and looked at him. ‘You were supposed to be on your best behavior, what were you thinking?’ You turned to the older boy.
He didn’t reply to you, he just took his brother by his arm and walked away.
‘You are both unbelievable.’ Kiri whispered making you turn your head in her direction.
‘What do you mean?’
‘Just tell him you like him already.’ She whined.
‘You know I can’t.’ A sigh escaped your lips. ‘He hates me, Kiri. He sees me as a rival, he despises me.’
‘He doesn’t.’
‘He does.’ You said louder. ‘I don’t want to talk about it anymore, let’s go.’
‘Lo’ak was the one that started that fight, he was just helping him.’
‘I know.’ You replied and looked down, soon arriving at your home.
‘And you? Why weren’t you keeping an eye on them?’ Jake turned to you when you entered the shack.
‘I’m sorry, I was helping Tsireya.’ You avoided his gaze. ‘Next time I won’t let anything happen to them.’
And you were right.
You jumped down from your ikran and landed on the sky people’s ship. Neteyam found his way to his siblings and Tsireya as fast as you, jumping onto the deck from his ilu. You shot your arrows towards some sky people coming towards you.
‘Cut the handcuffs!’ You told him when he reached you.
‘Come on, bro. Hurry up!’ Lo’ak screamed at his brother.
You turned around and saw Tsireya and Tuk jumping into the water, ‘Go! Both of you!’ You yelled at the brothers.
Neteyam started dragging the boy away, ‘They have Spider! We have to help him!’ Lo’ak tugged on his brother’s arm.
You locked your eyes with Neteyam, ‘Shit!’ He hissed. ‘Okay, let’s go.’
‘No, you are not going anywhere.’ You stopped both of them. ‘Go back to your father, right now.’
‘We have to help Spider, please (Y/n).’ Lo’ak looked at you with terrified eyes.
‘UGH!’ You shook your head and hang your bow on your body. ‘Just stay close.’ You told them and ran towards the inside of the ship.
You were quietly moving on the big pipe on the ceiling when some people started walking your way, Spider was surrounded by them in a circle. All three of you jumped down at the people and freed your friend, but then a pure moment of joy was interrupted by gunshots firing your way.
‘Go! Go!’ You screamed and pushed the boys towards a wall that would hide all of you.
Neteyam snatched the gun from Lo’ak and started shooting at the enemies, you pulled out the gun Jake had gifted you and helped him.
‘I’ll tell you when to jump and you jump!’ You shouted and looked over at them, they were rapidly nodding their heads. You gave a few more shots towards the enemies and took a deep breath. ‘Now!’
Lo’ak and Spider jumped quickly into the water, you pushed Neteyam first and jumped as the last person. For a second you felt relief when you heard their happy screams, but it was washed away when you started struggling with keeping your head above the water. Adrenaline started coming down and you felt your lower abdomen on fire.
‘Yes! We did it bro!’ Lo’ak hugged his brother who was laughing softly.
‘Come on! We need to go!’ Neteyam yelled when Tsireya came up from the water riding her ilu.
‘Nete…Neteyam…’ You coughed.
His smile faded and he rapidly swam towards you.
‘I’m shot you skxawng.’
‘Shit! Shit!’ He cursed. ‘Just hold on a second!’ He held you tightly and sat you down on the ilu. ‘It’s okay, just hold on.’ His panicked voice echoed through your ears.
He saw his father standing on a rock and everyone started screaming for him. A worried expression came up on his face when he saw his son holding you tightly.
‘She’s shot, dad, help her!’ They started pulling you up to rest you on the wet rock.
Jake inspected your body only to see a big wound on your lower stomach which was quickly bleeding out.
‘Take her to the village, right now.’ He told Neteyam and helped put you on the animal again.
Neteyam held you in his arms as he tried to ride the animal as quickly as he could without causing more damage to you.
‘Hold on, okay? Don’t you dare die on me!’ He yelled to you.
‘But I am so sleepy, Nete..’ Your voice was weak, but he still heard you.
‘No, don’t sleep, we’re right there, just…Just hold on..’ He finally saw the village and hope filled him up. ‘We’re here, it’s okay. It’s gonna be okay.’ He looked down at you to check if your eyes were still open and he saw you slowly blinking. ‘HELP! I NEED HELP!’ He screamed as loud as he could which caught the attention of some people by the coast, they quickly ran to get the Tsahik who was helping other wounded warriors.
‘Neteyam..’ You coughed.
‘We’re here, hold on for me.’ He looked down at you again.
‘I see…’ Your voice was getting weaker. ‘I see you, Neteyam.’ You whispered and closed your eyes.
‘No. No, no, no. Help! I need the Tsahik!’ He got off the ilu holding your limp body in his arms.
Ronal emerged from behind the people and told him to put you in one of the shacks. The Tsahik pushed him outside and covered the entrance with a curtain made out of big leaves and seaweed. Neteyam finally felt the tears on his face which previously were washed away by the splashing water. He didn’t know what to do, fear, sadness and adrenaline were running through his body. He waited for what felt like hours and when he felt Tuk’s arms around him all of a sudden he felt safe. His whole family was okay and when he came eye to eye with his father, he broke down crying again. Jake hugged his son and caressed his hair with his hand. A sudden rustle made Neteyam break the comforting hug. Everyone turned towards the sound, Ronal was standing in front of the shack, her expression was unreadable. She locked eyes with Neteyam.
‘She’s alive. Barely.’ She stated.
‘Thank you, Great Mother.’ Kiri whispered and hugged her brother from the side.
‘She needs a lot of rest and I am not certain if she will survive the night.’ Ronal said and started walking away. ‘Do not bother her. Now it is all up to Eywa.’
° 𐐪𐑂 ♡ 𐐪𐑂 ₒ 𐐪𐑂 ♡ 𐐪𐑂 °
Your nostrils were filled with a disgusting smell which made you slowly open your eyes. You saw Ronal putting some type of paste on your wound and you hissed.
‘I guess this means I’m not dead.’ You whispered, your voice hoarse.
‘No, but it was close.’ She replied and wrapped some bandages around your stomach. ‘Rest, my child.’ She whispered and walked out, leaving you alone once again.
After a while the silence was interrupted by Jake, ‘Hi.’ He said as he sat down next to you.
‘I told you I’d keep them safe.’ You weakly smiled at him and he let out a soft laugh.
‘Yeah, I knew you would.’ His smile quickly faded. ‘I.. I wanted to thank you. For protecting them. And I’m sorry for using you so much, on all of those fights… I forget that you are still young, god… You’re only a year older than Neteyam and I’ve never thought something like this would happen to you…’ He paused. ‘You have a whole life in front of you, I’m sorry for trying to take that away and not protecting you.’
‘It’s okay.’ You whispered. ‘I know you only wanted to keep your family safe.’
He nodded and stood up, a tear fell down his cheek. He looked like he wanted to say something more, but nothing came out, he gave you one last smile and walked outside. After a while you closed your eyes because the light started bothering you, but you immediately opened them when you felt someone put their hand in yours. You looked at the way your fingers were intertwined with Neteyam’s and gave him a soft smile.
‘I’m so sorry.’ He whispered.
‘You have nothing to be sorry about.’ You coughed out.
‘I have. I am sorry for getting angry at you, for getting jealous about my father and for..’
‘Hey, it’s okay.’ You whispered and stroked his hand with your thumb. ‘And I’m sorry too, I shouldn’t be taking your place by your dad’s side.’
He nodded and squeezed your hand, ‘It’s okay, I know you just wanted someone to be proud of you. Kiri told me how… How you feel like an outsider all the time, because you don’t have…’
‘Parents?’
‘Yeah.’ He looked down at the floor.
‘After all these years I got used to having no one, but when your dad and other warriors from the clan were so proud of me… I just felt this hapiness that I finally belong somewhere, that’s why I always wanted to be the best…I’m sorry again, Neteyam.’
‘I forgive you.’ He smiled. ‘I can’t believe you were ready to die for me.’ He softly laughed and you reciprocated the smile.
‘I can.’ You whispered. ‘And I forgive you too, for being so mean to me.’ Your smile grew wider. ‘But you were cute when you were angry.’
‘Is that so?’ You gave him a long nod. ‘And now I’m not?’
‘No.’
‘Liar.’
Your giggles filled up the space around you and you didn’t even notice when he got so close to your face. You felt his breath on your skin and he put his other hand on your cheek.
‘I always thought you hated me.’ You whispered into his lips.
‘Do you still think that?’
‘No.’ It left your lips more like a breath rather than a word.
He finally closed the gap between you and it all just felt right. His lips on yours felt so right. You finally felt like you were not alone.
‘I see you, (Y/n).’
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likes and reblogs are appreciated<3
taglist: @neteyamsgirl @vviolaswrld
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teaboot · 9 months
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Okay so I have therapy later so I'm thinking about things my therapist has said and one thing I'm actually stuck on is "You can just have casual friends you hang out with sometimes for fun. You don't have to like everything they do and you don't have to agree with their choices, they can just be sometimes-have-drinks friends" and like???
I can TOTALLY get along with people I don't 100% agree with! I can ABSOLUTELY be friendly and have a nice afternoon with people I don't especially like! But like??? If I don't trust and respect them, wht would I call them my friend??
The conversation started as, like. "I only have three or four people in my life and I want to expand my bubble a little, but I've been told I have high standards- My standards are just, "people I like being around, who I admire and respect and don't treat me badly"- so how do I lower that standard without putting myself at risk? SHOULD I lower that standard? Or is it better to be a bit lonely, rather than allow for the chance of negativity and discomfort?"
And it feels like her solution to that was just, "expand your definition of friendship".
But like. How??
A friend is someone who I'd trust alone in my home. A friend is someone I want to do unpleasant chores for. A friend is someone who could have a spare key and my phone number and takes turns venting and sharing dirty secrets and asking for help and advice.
And the things I "don't approve of"- things like lying, cheating, dumping work on others, being catty and passive-agressive and not communicating... I can get along with people like that, but I dont consider them friends, because I don't trust that they wouldn't do it to me, and I don't like that they do it to others, and it's exhausting to confront people about their behaviors even if you DO already like them.
But I should hang out with people like this socially, and call them friends, and invite them into my life? Just to get out of the house? What happens if they want to come over? How could I say, "No, I'm scared of getting closer to you"? Or, "No, I don't want you to get closer to me"? Or, "No, I don't actually find you entirely pleasant, and it's not at all your fault, but let's keep this casual"?
That doesn't seem very nice, or very fair. But feelings aren't fair, are they?
Is this an Autism thing? Is it a Trauma thing? Narcissism? A misunderstanding? A delusion? Or something else?
Is everybody constantly trapped in the choice between Comfortably Lonely or Exhausted with Company?
How is anyone supposed to choose?
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moonlight1110 · 2 months
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My Best Friend, König
bestfriend!König x reader ; college!au
Your best friend, the person you trust the most in the world to protect you, and most importantly, be there for your needs <3
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Tags: afab!reader, König x reader smut, throat fucking, blowjobs n shit, smut to fluff, far from canon König, quick read, college!au, secret lovers, aftercare, no german aside from the petnames bc i dont wanna embarrass myself, not proofread
Notes: exams are done so i can finally shake sum asss 😩, i have so many ideas i wanna write for simon and konig im going insane, but expect that in the next few days or weeks, love yall <3
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You were always known as the loud mouth. The most bubbly person anyone's ever met, and it was often meant as a compliment. You always knew how to light up a room the moment you walked in and it just seemed like no one ever had anything bad to say about you.
It seemed like you were able to catch anyone's eye, and that was reflected by the amount of attention you got whenever you would walk around campus. Turning heads and whispers followed you whenever you went, and that was especially true in your classes. But with your extroverted nature, it was a question in everyone's mind why your best friend was the total opposite of you.
König was your best friend, it was like you were both attached at the hip with how you never went anywhere without him to the point that people thought you were a couple. You two would debunk these rumors of course but that just showed how close you two were.
König was quiet, introverted, and intimidating, he was like the perfect bodyguard and that was one of the reasons you loved being around him, because of how safe he made you feel and how he always made sure you were okay, of course it was natural that you'd return the favor.
"K-König... Wait..." A soft moan slips past your lips, you can't hold it in with how good König was fucking you on his tongue right now. He chuckles, humming against your weeping cunt as he pinned your hips down on the mattress, one hand digging into the flesh of your hip as the other rubbed circles right on your twitching clit.
"You want me to stop, meine Schatz?" His voice dripped with desire and cockiness, knowing he was the only one who could see you in such a vulnerable and fucked out position with your legs trembling and draped over his shoulders as he ate you out and fucked you open on his tongue and fingers.
"No... No, don't stop!" you cried out helplessly, tugging at his hair. He growled, sliding his tongue out from your cunt with a satisfied moan from the pressure building in his scalp.
"On your knees, let me fuck that pretty mouth, meine Liebe..." He groaned, gently pulling your hand away from his hair and kissing your palm as he led you off the bed and on your knees in front of him, making space for you between his legs as he stroked himself in front of you. Up and down, slowly.
He was big and it made your mouth water as you inched closer on your knees. You couldn't help the small gasp that slipped when you slowly wrapped your delicate fingers around him.
"That's it... You know what to do..." He chuckled, intertwining his fingers with your hair to encourage you while he looked down at you with a smirk tugging at the corners of his lips.
"Scheiße... Such a good fucking girl..." König's voice seemed to deepen at the feeling of your soft hands slowly pumping him, his grip on your hair becoming just a little bit tighter as he moaned your name, throwing his head back in ecstasy.
You could feel the heat pooling between your legs when König looked down at you, his eyes blown out with his lip between his teeth and it was clear he was resisting the urge to buck his hips into your mouth, force his dick right into the back of your throat with the way you were doing such a good job for him.
When you slowly wrapped your lips around him, he moaned breathlessly, his shoulders slumping at the feeling of your warm mouth around him. You couldn't help but close your eyes as you started to take him deeper, it was just too much, but he didn't like that at all.
"No, no... Keep your pretty eyes open... Keep looking at me..." He tugged on your hair lightly, forcing you to wince at the pressure but you followed his words of course. When your eyes fluttered open, you were met with the sight of König's chest heaving softly, his mouth opened just a bit as he groaned.
"Ja, that's it... Good girl..." He chuckled, humming as his grip on your hair softened, replacing it with a gentle massage on your scalp as you took him deeper, keeping your eyes on him the whole time.
Your started to bob your head in a steady rhythm, pumping the rest of the length you couldn't take. König, as much as he tried his best to keep his composure, was a mess for you. His chest was heaving and low growls would rumble from his chest every once in a while when his hips would buck into your mouth ever so slightly.
"Can I fuck this pretty mouth, baby? Please..." He pleaded as if he was even waiting for an answer, almost sounding like a drawn out whine when he started to buck his hips into your mouth, he just couldn't help himself, he couldn't resist you at all when you looked so pretty for him.
Your hands found purchase on his thighs, nails digging into his flesh as your eyes rolled into the back of your head when he started to push his cock deeper into your throat, making you gag on him.
"Feels so fucking good, Liebling... I can't help myself..." He moaned as he threw his head back, he was getting rougher now, giving you his cock deeper and deeper as he whispered his praises, telling you how good you are and how much he'll reward his darling after he's done.
Your jaw was starting to hurt, and despite his early instructions, you couldn't help but close your eyes as he pushed your head down with a deep groan. Your fingers were digging into his flesh that you were certain it'd bruise by the morning, but even with how your jaw was starting to get sore and with how your tears were staining your cheeks, you just fucking loved it.
"Shh, shh... You're doing so good, Schatz..." He cooed with a mean chuckle as he wiped your tears away with his thumb. What a gentle man your friend was, carefully pulling your head from his cock as he praised you. "Breathe, baby..." He whispered as he caressed your cheeks, letting you catch your breath as your hands relaxed on his thighs.
"Sorry... I couldn't stop myself..." He apologized after a few moments, carefully picking you up from the cold floor and onto his lap in a bridal position almost. "Was I too rough, Liebling?" He whispered affectionately, gently caressing your thighs as he pressed a soft kiss to your cheek as you nestled your head against his shoulder.
"Nothing I couldn't handle" You laughed quietly, relaxing in the warmth his body provided while his hands soothed your thighs and hips.
"You're right... You did so well, like you always do" He chuckled against your hair, kissing your head with a hum.
"Let me take care of you tonight, darling... You deserve it"
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starwikia · 1 month
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suicide cw
look i have been in this area before mentally. it sucks and i wouldn’t wish this on anyone. but, and this is going to sound callous, but i don’t feel any sympathy for james somerton. even if i hope he’s like. not dead. But thats all the amount of goodwill im willing to give him. The more i think about this really, the more angry i am. 
ngl this entire situation is another example of how white people weaponize their mental illness to avoid consequences. Im seeing it in real time.
this man has a continuous habit of using self-harm as a get-out-of-jail-for-free card. in both of his apologies, he has worded his supposed attempts in ways that were clearly meant to guilt people who displayed his plagiarism and overall horrendous history of racism and misogyny. i say supposed because, while i’m not saying those are lies and this would he such a fucked up thing to lie about that i don’t want to think he has, unfortunately, it’s been proven again and again that his word can’t be trusted, as he’s known to lie to try get out of consequences. Hes a proven liar. him lying about this is actually the best case scenario, because no one should go through this entire situation, wouldnt wish this on anyone, but you can only do this so often before people stop sympathizing with you. is this callous? Yeah, but like. I’m actually fucking angry he cant straight up take no as an answer. that this is how he reacts realizing he cant be one of the Cool Kidz™️ on youtube anymore. he acts like he DESERVES a career, like its not a privilege hes lost due to his own actions.
He lied about apologizing and forgiving people, he lied about giving the money to hbomberguy to give to ppl he ripped off (yknow, instead of doing it himself), he lied about the jessie gender situation and rewrote the narrative to make it so he isnt the bad guy, and hes the victim all along actually!
you can’t tell me that supposed last message of his isn’t meant to be a 13 reasons why esq attempt to deflect the blame “look i’m going to kill myself and it’s all YOUR PEOPLES FAULT for not letting me achieve my DREAM of being filmmaker IN PEACE!!! I just wanted Nick’s (the guy who I have thrown under the bus again and again) portfolio up!! Im just being a good friend dont you all FEEL BAD” he refuses to take ANY ACCOUNTABILITY of any of his actions and he IS STILL trying to shove the blame over to other people again.
it’s also pretty ironic people are like “uhhh well hbomber’s fans harassed him!!!” like hbomber outright told people NOT to HARASS JAMES!!! ALSO acting as if james doesn’t have a very real documented history of STRAIGHT UP sending his fans to harass and threaten smaller creators, more notably women, trans, and bipoc creators. especially after he’s stolen typically very personal anecdotes so he could profit from them. so why can he do it but the second people are like “hey this guys an actual piece of shit.” and he can’t handle it suddenly people are trying to white knight his shit? like no he doesn’t get that. he doesn’t get that at all just because he couldn’t handle the consequences of his actions. 
what? were supposed to stay quiet about a man profiting off of other minorities because he wanted to be the spokesman for all gay people? people tried to solve this on a smaller, more private scales for YEARS and he kept doing it. it was clear that the giant public video was the ONLY way to get people to notice. HE WOULDVE GOTTEN AWAY WITH STEALING 87 FUCKING THOUSANDS WORTH OF DOLLARS. HE CANT HANDLE THE FACT HE CANT GET AWAY WITH IT. 
am i supposed to feel bad for the guy who basically threatened a trans woman with the police? i don’t care what anyone says, it’s so fucking obvious that he threatened jessie by implying he was getting the police involved in their conflict. what am i supposed to act like that didn’t happen? are we supposed to pretend like he didn’t glorify nazi’s and outright said that gay people made up a good chunk of the nazis? That he didnt say america joined ww2 bc they were jealous of the NAZIS. WHAT WOULD POSSESS YOU TO FUCKING SAY THAT. but then? He gives women (not even women most of the time, he misgenders nonbinary ppl constantly) shit for writing mlm. are we supposed to act like he doesn’t straight-up sees himself superior and better than people of color and steals their works to put himself on a pedestal? Are we supposed to act like he didnt spit on our elders by saying “only the boring gays survived aids” like man! Fuck you! He BLANTANTLY MAKES UP HISTORY TO PUT HIMSELF ON A PEDESTAL!! HE ACTIVELY TRIED TO REWRITE LGBT HISTORY TO SUIT HIS FUCKED UP NARRATIVES!
yes this sucks ! no one deserves this but no one should be making him a martyr. Thats what he fucking WANTS! He wants to be immortalized as a victim!! (again, supposedly, it was reported hes alive but its not confirmed).
The shit he got isnt near the amount of fucking callous behavior hes done again and again. Again, to drill this point, EVEN IF HE DIDNT CALL THE POLICE HE THREATENED A TRANS WOMAN INTO THINKING HE DID!!! The fact he tried to use a head injury to justify years of the outright ghoulish shit fucking astounds me. Why the fuck did anyone in his life thought it was a good idea to let him TRY to come back. in the end, he had options. he didn’t need to try to make a comeback. HE DIDNT NEED TO FUCKING LIE OR IGNORE THE SHIT HE WAS CALLED OUT ON the reality is, he wanted to come back thinking he could shove it under the rug, was told that no dude, you’re not allowed to be a youtuber anymore. you’re done. you need to move on and went full nuclear. it’s not on anyone’s hands but his own. HES BEEN DOING THIS TO HIMSELF!! But nah man we cant call his shit out bc hell may or may not kill himself. Fuck the other minorities who have the same issues but worse and sometimes BECAUSE of him. This is going to SUCKKKK so bad when other ppl, specifically white gays, are going to weaponize this shit to get away with their stuff.
#warning: do not read this post if you want me to be nice to james somerton. i am extremely mean in this post.#before anyone accuses me of shit i legit never contacted him myself or anyone involved. i am someone who witnessed this behavior repeatedly#again. i hope hes alive and well. the fact is him lying about this WOULD BE THE IDEAL SITUATION. BC NO ONE SHOULD GO THROUGH THAT. but.#he HAS to forever be the victim in his eyes. attempting doesnt automatically mean youre free of sin.#its just terrible to see that regardless whether or not he did do it#its very clear his attempts to run away from his consequences are working on some people#we need to acknowledge that if your shitty ex friend can weaponize a threat to kill themselves#so can this internet person after being called out for horrendous shit#like what was the alterative? what were people supposed to fucking do? be nice about it?#yeah as if poc and trans women arent historically given shit for being 'too mean' about wanting justice.#this isnt just the plagiarism this is the fact a white dude has been parading himself as THE speaker for the gays(tm) but has been using hi#gayness to shield himself from his misogyny racism transphobia and antisemitism#its very clear regardless this means that ppl r going to side with him and then give him benefit of doubt#if you cant handle the heat stay out of the fucking kitchen dude. this is the consequences of your fucking actions.#hes a disgusting person who cant handle being told no so hes going to drag everyone down with him#like. idk this entire situation is frustrating to me.#its also frustrating ppl trying to be moral abt it like 'see! i knew this was bad all along!' no you didnt. shut it.#for the record im like mainly talking abt twit watching those spineless uwu cutesy ppl basically saying hes done noting wrong#oh and also alt righters who are clearly weaponinizing this where u know they wouldnt give a shit if a right ytber did this.#james somerton#idk might delete this later its just. ugh...
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polariae · 1 month
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Hi my loves!
So I would like to inform u of some problems about the fanfic Savior i am Co working on and the truth on how my Fanfic Ideas of my OC Izumi x Geto got taken advantage of. And how the tragectory of everything went on. From the start to the reason why I wanted her to stop/delete my FF.
As u know I have had my OC Izumi for some years now as a staple in my artworks and I got so much love and curiosity from yall to know more about her. I ofc had a whole backstory in my mind already fleshed out from the start for Izumi, since i just love to make up stories and backgrounds for OC characters. Its just something that comes naturally and all my maladapive daydream girlies will know exactly what im talkin about 😂 and after so many DMs about wanting to know more about her i was like, a fanfic would be amazing to do!
The problem was, English is not my first or second language and I just didnt had the means to bring my thoughts rightly to paper. I also am really invested in drawing here and that takes up all my freetime already. So i had no time or skills to make this FF work.
Thats how I came across a tumblr user who had open a requests on her page so I dmed her. I liked her other work she made with Geto (even tho it was kinda brutal) i liked her writing style a lot. So I asked her if she would like to write this story with me. We agreed that I would give her my ideas and she would write it. I saw her as a friend and trusted her.
But soon she wanted to add and change things up, she said that thats how it is with co writing and thats just how its gonna be. I was okay with that at first, since the changes were sometimes beneficial and it was fun to brainstorm with her. It was clear that this was my vision and any changes had to get through me. We both agreed on that but I was naïve and let myself get talked into things. I just wanted her to keep writing and was dependent for her collaboration.
For anyone who read the FF: The character Kai was never planned by me, it was a character she wanted to have in it, hes someone who abused Izumi in her captivity. He was like the prisonguard of her. I was like okay fine u can add him but i said from the beginning that I do not want him to touch Izumi in a sexual way.
I shouldve known immediately that things will go south as the writer said she wanted to add sexual abuse in it.
I was very reluctant but I sensed how she spoke that she wouldnt wanna write further so I agreed in just very mild things, which already were awful enough but i tried to make the best out of her wishes. Since she was insisting. And i hoped that if id agree to this mild things that that would be it and hopefully not picked up further in the story and at last forgotten by the readers.
My only thing i always said was: I dont want to have any of this abuse to interfere with Izumis and Getos relationship. That was a big thing since I wanted them to have a romantic and loving relationship further on. The NSFW scenes were planned to be sweet, and sensual especially cuz Geto wouldve been all Izumi knew sexually and her first (and Geto is just peak hotness and perfect for that) Izumi should enjoy her firsts with Geto fully.
Going on she started to change more things.. and it got further and further away from how Izumi and all was. She started to change Izumi and her personality. Shes so far off of what I pictured her to be and what was discussed. But that wasnt the worst thing.
Then the writer just started to take things to new levels, Izumi having to be forced to suck Kai off for food, Kai fingering her to her orgasm against her will etc.
Pls know that she just posted the chapters without informing me, so i always tried to talk her into removing these scenes but to no avail.
Boiling point was now the latest chapters cuz she made Izumi have panic attack and flashbacks. Worst, she made her having one as Geto and Izumi tried to take things further in the bedroom. She made Izumi think of Kai and her sexual abuse. Tormenting Izumi with memories of Kai sexually abusing her when Geto was touching her. Its awful.
And that was what made me just so so sad. Cuz Kai wasnt even supposed to be in the story at all. And now exactly what I didnt wanted happened. At this point i wasnt even invested anymore in the story cuz it just wasnt enjoyable to read about all this mess. Izumi was snappy, her personality is weird and unpleasant and it was just such a weird vibe between Geto and Izumi. The writer always talked her way out by saying thats just how trauma works ect. Without acknowledging my wishes and my OC Izumi. Izumi and Geto just were soo weird together and after this all their whole dynamic was not there anymore. It wasnt loving, it wasnt sweet.
And i would like to add that im a sucker for Angst. Like im not someone who reads fluff. But this was even for me not even Angst anymore, it was just uncomfortable.
Like it was the drop that made it overfloat. What made me not wanting to be associated with it anymore. She wrote on many Autors Notes especially the recent ones, that she does not have the drive to write more on the FF. That she healfheartly literally ended the FF today in 3 chapters. This fanfic just has nothing to do with what I imagined anymore and im sad that i gave away all my ideas away to her tbh. If i had known I wouldve never asked her to write my ideas out. It also became her most read Fanfic. We discussed sooo many cool ideas and scenes for this fanfic till the end chapters like i just dont understand why she just insists in having this sexual abuse in it and tormenting Izumi. And also drag it over so many chapters. So many of you DMed me and said hoe uncomfortable it made u feel reading the latest chapters and how the storyline just didnt seem the same anymore. Which was as u see now absolutely true.
I asked her many times on why she insists on having sexual abuse in it so much? But shes never gave me an answer, no she tries to turn in on me saying "u agreed to it". Which as I discussed with u above was not what happened AT ALL. She says she cant remove it anymore, wether the scenes or Izumis mental torment and trauma. But she COULD.
ITS A FANFIC. U can always make it work.
Its also funny how she tries to say "im doing it for free" to hint that she can do whatever she wants. In that case i just have to say; i also gave all my ideas for free like? Its insane how this is even a conversation.
The gaslighting she is doing in the chat is hard to manage and Im srsly so sad and also annoyed that this had to happen.
I wont engage in this with her more cuz I have to keep my mental health in tact.
You saw how she is turning things around, how she manipulates and changes the context of conversations. I remember vividly how the first times she laughed at how emotionally invested i was in my story and belitteling me. I created Izumi nearly 4 years ago while I was batteling severe anxiety while i was homebound. How she always blackmailed me in saying "ur not paying me so I can do whatever I want" and when I then gave her some payed content for free she is now changing the narrative as if she never asked for money. I was the one who thought we would do this for fun and was always hurt when she talked about this tid for tad mentality.
I tried to build a friendship and let things that she said pass during our "friendship" out of good faith. I was hurt how she treated me and dismissed me and my character requirements and how now that I was the one saying I dont see her as a friend anymore she turns it around to make it seem im the "mean" one for now standing up for myself. I am still shook about this disingenious behavior. I never sent hate to her even tho she tries with all her power to say so. I even insisted to keep things kind and graceful. And after she shit on me and I saw that she wouldnt budge, I stood up for myself. Also; Calling me a bitch and telling me to fuck off is no "quirky" way to talk to people as seen below. Especially in this context.
Shes now deleting every comment that doesnt benefit her on the comment sections. Im not surprised. So be it.
Tbh I do not care anymore. I just made story posts but since she showed the DMs I wanted to post the truth for u to read here as well. Iwont let this negativity from her linger any longer and give her any platform.
As I said in the DM i rather had kept this private but I had to share the truth in this matter since she spread misinformation. You deserve to know how things really went behind the scenes. And im sick and tired that my kindness is always taken advantage of.
I had to speak up for myself, my Ideas and my OC. Thank u for all that messaged me and having my back! Everyone of u sent nothing but love and support my way my heart was bursting out of greatfulness.
I LOVE YOU.
If you've read so far im so so grateful for ur time. And in due time I will tell the real story of Izumi and Geto in a FF worthy of their love.
Latesr DMs she also posted but here with context.
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soulidarity · 2 months
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midnight talks
dialogue heavy / comfort / 274 words / rafayel x mc
being hunted by nightmares of the incident, mc visits the sea
"fancy seeing you here, miss bodyguard" the artist took a seat next to her on the rocks, looking ahead into the sea. "didnt think youd like late night swimming"
no response. his bodyguard was hugging her knees, eyes locked on the waves. he took a closer look and noticed how distraught her face looked.
"what's wrong?"
"it's nothing, i just wanted to see the sea. why are you here? inspiration?" she smiled
"dont switch the subject onto me, dont pretend to be okay. do you not trust me?"
"its not that at all! I just... it's dumb"
"no feeling is ever dumb" she sighed at his response, fingers reaching to the tide that had risen.
"i've been having nightmares again about... the accident..."
"with your grandma and caleb?"
"yeah... I just feel like, I couldve done something. I mean I saw the weird figure I shouldve-"
"put yourself in danger?"
"thats one way to put it"
"no, its the only way. things happen for a reason and you're still here with me for a reason. dont go doing anything dumb that could kill you, especially following weird figures without telling anyone."
she chuckled "i thought i was the bodyguard? here you are protecting me"
his face turned serious "if this job ever makes you prioritize my safety over yours, you oshould quit immediatley. you should be your own priority."
"i think my job description would beg to differ but i'll do my best to take care of myself" a yawn escaped her and she snuggled closer to her client, his arm wrapping around her.
"take a rest, i'll can take care of you now"
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ive made a challenge to write one short story every day, or scene may be a better way to put it. when i used to write more in other fandoms i averaged 2k words but it's a bit hard now. anyhow, i wanted to thank everyone for the support pearly tears got, i was expecting 3 notes but it definetley went over that. ok now im rambling.
my ask box is open if you have a request or want to discuss smth!
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