#and i dont know how to explain but some songs have a smell

[do-i-look-like-a-doctor]

Gojo headcanons bc ive got too much time on my hands

bro ate chalk as a kid and ive got proof

look at his kid self for a sec, he’s got a grown out buzzcut and the blue eyed stare. thats a chalk eater

you can’t convince me he’s a good swimmer

he’s lanky and tall, bro gets swept away the min he is near the ocean. he’s built to be shark food, sorry luv

the cloth he wears to cover his eyes is raggedy as hell

let me explain. he wears it constantly both in and out of battle, he wears it in any weather, and let’s be real he’s so odd that he probs sleeps in it sometimes

this leads me to believe that even tho he almost never gets hurt during a fight the blood and grime gets all up in the cloth

no amount of Tide or even acid could get rid of the STENCH that mask holds

it smells like ten cans of bounce that ass. one whiff could, quite literally, kill an old man

he’s a chronic podcast listener

tried to become one of those skater kids, failed miserably. geto never let him live it down

i think he’d make a great partner but if you listen to Hozier he will cause a scene

basically what im saying is he’s jealous of Hozier

Gojo knows that no matter how strong he is he will NEVER compare to that man’s vocals/lyrics and what they do to you

que Gojo trying to sing your fav Hozier song(s) but he can’t match the pitch which sends you into cardiac arrest

other than that he’s a pretty good singer, could probs serenade you to sleep

you know how everyone has an irrational fear? yuh his is birds

you ever see him interact with one in a normal way?

you see a bird, he sees a sack of organs with hollow bones that sore through the sky and sometimes they can talk

he pisses his pants when he sees a macaw

he’s a rich bitch and it’s a problem. not cuz he’s an ass abt it but bc he spoils the hell out of the teens

we know he would buy Megumi anything in the world but Yuuji and Nobara get the same treatment

he saw Yuuji’s orphaned ass and immediately transferred HUNDREDS to Yuuji’s bank acc

ain’t no student of his gonna be broke, that’s for sure

probs carries around pics of Megumi from when the teen was a kid

some are cute such as Megumi at the beach or having a fun at the zoo. others are of Megumi fighting for his life

i feel that when Yuuji entered the equation he also started taking pics of him during cute, fun, or important moments

very much sentimental older brother energy

whenever Gojo gets sick or injured he either becomes a massive baby or denies it until he’s dead

depends on the problem tbh. if he’s got a head cold he needs to be hospitalized but if he got his legs cut off he’d ignore it for weeks

you know how most men’s body wash or shampoo is named in, what’s considered, “masculine scents”

like redwood, campfire smoke, whiskey, fucking piss water

yuh he’s not a fan

i don’t think he’d really like those scents. in his mind, why does smelling like burnt coal or salt = masculine?

he probs just grabs whatever he likes, maybe orange scented stuff or even subtle vanilla

whatever cologne he wears tho is fucking delicious. you smell it and immediately your knees give out

i think if you gave him a huff of old spice tho he’d just disintegrate

im thinking of his general hygiene now, he has a solid routine

it’s not a million steps, probs just good quality face wash, serums, and moisturizer

that being said he suffered horrific back acne as a kid. dont ask how I know this, i will eat you alive

he looks and acts flawless but we know the truth. he sucks at card games

Yuuji’s biggest flex is he beat Gojo at go-fish 28 times in a row

he says calabunga and not a single person can stand it

that’s it for now, i’ll probs add more headcanons later

thanks for coming to my ted talk, i hope this post finds you before Sukuna does

(this is all mildly unedited, soz for mistakes)

#jjk #gojo satoru #jjk satoru #Gojo #jjk gojo #satorugojo

[dreamersville]

ik everybody says hi, or some variation of that hut idk what else to say .. so HIIII. 😂😂 anyways i was wondering if you had any headcannons for Haikyuu!! like the ones you did for fatgum and tamaki .. i dont have a specific character but you could write for anybody if you dont mind. um thank youu and i really like your writing style

an? hiii love bugg🥰🥰. i wasnt really sure who to write for so this is more of like a general thingy? if thats so okay with you. and thank you so much for the compliment 🥹🫶🏽. the delusion was at an all time high for this 😭😭. request are open.

pairings? haikyuu x black reader

tw? none that i know of

Lying on their chest while they are on their back on the couch. You and them watching movies from your childhood including: Drum Line. Juice, Love & Basketball, Friday, and many many more, you explaining all the lore to them while they have one arm rubbing up and down your back the other one in your humming and asking questions every now and then to show that they are listening and intrigued. [daichi, anoe,yamamoto,semi,matsukawa,]

— You're used to hearing them wandering around the room getting ready for work, and waking up usually waking up to the noise but today you didn't, matta fact .. you didn't even hear the alarm go off, you groan as you turn over to see that they are still asleep. You slide up behind them wiggling your “ice cold” toes between their calves and shake their shoulders to wake them up. They jump up with a quickness thanking you for waking them up, as they rush about trying to get ready, but ofc they cant forget to come back and give you your “see you later” kiss. [konoha,tendō, osamau, ukai, kenma] — ORRRR you're usually the one who gets up earlier than them but today is your day off so you're going to sleep in and get some extra sleep. They are tiptoeing around while getting ready trying not to wake or disturb you because you really need this sleep. They come back in the room and fix their side of the bed then coming to your side you read just you and your head scarf, kissing your forehead goodbye. They might have stood there watching you gravity towards their side of the bed and snuggle into their pillow.. But you can't prove it. [yakuu, saeko, asahi, koganwgawa] — Let's talk about how they hover around you when you're cooking not only because it smells good but you like to have them taste test the food. Coming around the corner, spoon in one hand while the other one is under the spoon catching anything that might fall, you hold their chin as you let them try the food. Even if they rain down praise on everything they taste and are truly no help, you still have fun as you dance around the kitchen with them. {they also try to sneak an extra taste while they think you're not pay attention but gets caught every single time} [hinata, hanamaki,atsumu, ninshinoya, daishō] — They’ve grown to love Sundays. The idea of cleaning and listening to music with you all day ??? sooo domestic. Yall typically split the cleaning, there are no specific “rolls” per say, yall just do what yall wanna do. You are always in charge of the playlist because you are having the bestest songs ever. Don't let Let's Groove by Earth, Wind & Fire play because clean????? When let's groove playing??? Ain't no way baby. [sakusa, yachi, kita, kai, takeda] — They've always come back to you with some new bruise or cut and insist that you are the one to take care of it because you're always gentle and kiss it to make them feel better quicker. And the products you use after you're done always smell really good!! When you're done they always say “I think i've got a cut on my lip too” [hinata, kageyama, kyōtani, lev, bokuto] — You always turn the air down when you want to cuddle with them because they always claim it's too hot and you just wanna cuddle and be comfortable. You're used to the air being at 70 but their not, so here they come with with sweatpants on 2 pairs of socks a hoodie with a shirt on and a blanket on their shoulders, demanding you give up some of your body heat [goshiki, tsukishima, futakuchi, tanaka, michimya]

— [ ] who likes to come find you, interrupting whatever you're doing to put you in his lap and make you touch your forehead with and stare into each other's eyes. Mostly to be annoying but they like to have your presence around them and don't know how to ask so they just .. yk. [kageyama, fukunaga, anoe, terushima] — They loveeee to come behind you while you're standing and wrap their arms around you holding you while swaying side to side. Most times they don't initiate a conversation, they either put that chin on your head or shoulder or bury their face into your neck. Smelling that scent of shea butter and whatever frit you decide you wanted to smell like. [daichi, kuroo, akaashi, ushijma, oikawa] — [ ] knows your orders for multiple fast food and restaurants. + all the lil specialties of is, such ass you liking a spicy chicken sandwich combo no sauce add mayo, chilled strawberry lemonade from popeyes. its second atp. you just tell them where you wanna eat and they take care or everything else. [aone,kenma, osamu, aran, suga] — Yall have dance battles at random ass times. R a n d o m ass times. Yall could be grocery shopping, you send him to go get something on the other isle, you'd hear a song yall both like over the intercom playing, and you immediately look towards the end of the isle to see them slide into just in time as yall start dancing towards each other, not caring who see you. [tanka, nishinoya, tendō,hanamaki,] — They see you do your skin care routine and decide that they wanna copy you because your skin is literally the softest skin he’s ever encountered. But he likes when you apply the product to his skin because their fingers are calluses from playing volleyball. Matching headband to pull you guys hair back. It's sooo cuteeeee ahh i'm in love. [oikawa, atsumu and osamu, sakusa,] — You said i love you first and freaked the absolute dogshit outta them. Frfr. baby was clutching them pearlsssss, didn't know what to say? What to do? Obviously he loves you too, more actually if you let him tell it but they are still in this state of pure shock. You would be panicking if they didn't already say it to you when you were “sleeping”. [ashai, yamamoto, yamaguchi, konoha, kita] — On the contrary they said it first … accidentally but they still said it first. Yall were probably doing so mundane shit and they was just thinking “damn i really fucking love them” except it wasnt in their head, it was definitely out loud. Out loud as in you could hear them out loud, you were shocked but said it back and continued on with what you were doing like you didn't just change their life for the better. [suga, semi, washio, iwazumi, yaku] — Now they had a whole plan set out. From the time you woke up until the time they decided it was best to say it. They act like the finna propose or sum. It's really nice you're not suspicious because it was date night. You cried or wtv, (it's not or wtv, it was that ugly cry. lip curled back, nose running, ya getting red inna face, hiccuping after every breath, they are concerned dd) anyways you eventually say it back because duh you love, like hello?? You were already planning your wedding. And so were they. [lev, asahi, fukunaga, aran, kageyama]

hopefully you enjoyed!! thank you for the request💜!! i tried to include a wide variety of characters 😭, sorry if this wasnt what you wanted. request are open

#haikyuu!! #.haikyuu sleep talks 💤 #haikyuu x black reader #haikyuu headcanons #daichi haikyuu #daichi headcannons #sugawara x reader #sugawara headcanons #asahi headcanons #nishinoya headcanons #tanaka headcanons #tanaka haikyuu #kageyama haikyuu #kageyama headcanons #hinata headcanons #hinata haikyuu #tsukishima headcanons #kuroo headcanons #kenma headcanons #yamamoto headcanons #lev haikyuu #haikyuu oikawa #oikawa headcanons #iawzumi headcanons #kyotani headcanons #anoe headcanons #bokuto headcanons #akaashi headcanons #ushijima headcanons #tendou headcanons

[sir-arlieosaurus-lung-struggler]

the holidays are always really fucking weird, i dont like many of them but specifically December is just- ew

Anyway ill just thro my mini pitty party real quick:

These song explains how I feel about christmas time *perfectly*

Have yourself a Merry Little Christmas by mother mother (christmas playlist)

From heres basically a trauma dump about being in the hospital, but i typically talk about this in a tone more like "oh yea! i nearly died lmao"

When i was like, just turning 6 I had 💫pneumonia💫 & needed to go to the 💫hospital💫. So I spent like, 12/11-31/15 in the hospital. along the way i had these treats happen (not really in order, 💜=story from family member, ❤=i actually remember this)

💜being diagnosed by my sisters 16 yo boyfriend by looking at my gums, whereas medical staff took 4 days

❤Some mcdonalds, cool auntys banana bread, jello & making popin cookin sets w/ my older sister

💜a 5 day medically induced coma

lung surgery therefor cool fuckin scars on my back (WHICH I CANT FUCKING SHOW ANYONE CAUSE I WAS CURSED W/ TITS AND 2/3 ARE UNDER MY BRA)

💜waking up from said coma periodically only to say "im scared" w/ my mom trying to comfort me but i had ear shit going on

💜Finnaly actually woke up, yelled "IM DEAD", which is reportadly the scariest shit my dad has ever heard, my mom asks if i hurt, i say yes, she like "ur not dead honey" again i was 6 & in & out of a coma 😂 (idk why but I've always found that story funny)

💜my parents being thretened w/ truancy by my dumbass school

❤Christmas, I had *2* mini christmas trees in my hospital room 💅 1 was cool but my cool uncle & aunty got me a pink 1 which I still have to this day as a lamp

💜only trusting 1 of my doctors cause he looked like my grandfather who'd been deceased for 2years at that point

❤💜going on walks around the kids floor in a wheelchair & stealing a little gingerbread beanie baby ornament but they didnt care so they just let me keep it & i still have it somehwere.

💜my mom met a lady who had a son who was a few months old & they didnt expect to live past a couple weeks but he *did* (more on that later)

💜had food in the cafeteria and i proceeded to rub the pizza i got *into my hair*. My response? "Its just cheese" my family and I quote that to this day lmao.

💜being reverted to a toddler for a good minute (someone asked my age i said i was 3, i was not) & needing to relearn walking, talking, the little bit of reading i knew & getting into a shower w/out being scared of being pulled down the drain

❤said dude who asked my age worked at the hospital cafeteria & we visited him after most of my appointments. miss u uncle (that was what he went by), wish u well. Dont know where he since covid cause the part of the building cafeteria was in was torn down.

❤and after all that later and i got releaced on new years eve :>

results:

From there forward i had a 20-30minute nebulizer to do every 4 hours (which my parents had to wake up at like 2am for a half hour for), 2 twice daily inhailers, 2 nasil sprays, "the tire" (tastes like shit and makes me feel anxious) (that isnt even all of it my mom counted 8 meds at one point) and i slowly dropped them year by year till they had me down to just rescue inhailer as needed & if my lungs r really shit for a min i go on the tire. (Tire=prednisolone but what 6 year old is remembering that name lol)

specialist appointments every week, then 2 weeks, then every month, 3 months, 6 months, now im at checkup every year and check in as needed

"Look whos inside again" by bo burnham is my life in a nutshell

To this day the smell of a consentrated area of hand sanatizer just has me stop in my tracks lol.

seeing a picture of tiny me on my parents facebook feed yearly of me unconscious in a hospital bed w/ tubes in mah face

couple of close friend i met post hospital (keep in mind i was like 7) didn't believe me so i ran around the playground cursing them the fuck out (never did get in trouble for that 😂) ((I still talk to 1 of them shes cool))

Idk where to put this but about that kid I was talking about before, I found out last year around this time he had just died- of 💫pneumonia💫. yea that fucked me up for a good minute, he was around 6 too which didn't help, I never even met the kid and I still had a weird form of survivors guilt.

Anyway have a merry fucking christmas i really dont get this holiday lol, treat yourself kindly, feel free to be the grinch you are and explain in detail why u hate the holidays u arent alone lol

#tw hospital #cw hospital #health #hospital #medicine #tw medication #tw medical #asthma #Asthmatic #Im a grinch #the grinch #fuck christmas #xmas #christmas #holidays #merry fucking christmas #good afternoon #vent #personal vent #tw vent #trauma dump #vent post

[iloveyourmommorethanyou]

CRY- Hyunjin imagine

TW: daddy issues, angst,

You know when you stumble upon one of these little moments where you smell, or hear, or see something that reminds you of someone? It can either be the best or the worst feeling. For you, music had always been what connected you to people. Almost every song you listened to reminded you of someone.

...

You and your boyfriend Hyunjin were watching a movie together, as you often did on friday nights. You cherished those moments with him. Completely at peace in his arms, quietly watching the movie. Everything was perfectly fine, and you were even starting to drift off to sleep as the movie reached its end. Your eyes slowly closed as the generic started. You suddenly hear something familiar, waking you up in an instant. It clicked so quick, the song that your father used to sing to you every night was playing.

Now you had had a pretty hard year dealing with your relationship with your dad. It wasn't the worst, but it wasn't the best. Let's just say you found out about some stuff that he did in the past, that made you distant and angry. But as you listened to that familiar melody, you couldn't help but just miss him.

Your started to get watery. You stood up from Hyunjin's lap in a swift motion. " Hey, what's wrong?", the boy said worried from your sudden actions. "Nothing I just have to go to the bathroom." You said before leaving the livingroom to head to your shared room's bathroom.

You hadn't got to that part of your life with Hyunjin yet. I mean, he knew almost everything about you, but that deep history had been hard for you to dig up and explain. So he basically didnt know about any of your problems with your dad.

You wiped your tears as you looked at yourself in the mirror, sighing at the pathetic sight. You hated how that one stupid song changed your mood so quickly. You walked out of the bathroom, and sat down on your side of the bed.

" baby, are you okay?" " what's going on you seemed upset?" Hyunjin said as he watched you from the doorframe. " I'm okay" " it's just, that song at the end of the movie brought back some memories.."

He quietly walked towards you. He sat down on the other side of the bed, meters away from you, not really knowing if you wanted to be comforted or not. Hyunjin knew that most of the time, you preferred to have your space. " Do you want to talk about it?"

You played completely against the headboard, sighing. " Its kind of hard to talk about." You said honestly. " that's okay, I dont need you to tell me. But just know that if you think it would help to talk about it, I'll always listen to you." He said, scooting just a little bit closer.

" I know baby, and I thank you for that" you said, forcing a smile threw your still flowing tears.

The sight saddened him. " Its okay. You're gonna be okay" he said, kissing your forehead gently. You looked up at him, eyes full of fear and sorrow. " Can you hold me?" You said, almost letting out a whine.

" Of course baby". Hyunjin placed you on his lap, your back to his chest, wrapping his arms around your heart.

His touch always calmed you. Enough to get up the courage to speak again. " I think it's time I tell you about this."

Hyunjin didnt say anything for a while, confused about what you meant. " Okay" " You can tell me anything honey I'll listen".

You sighed to calm down once again. " So, what happened is that the song that played at the end of the movie, it.."

" it what baby?" he said. " It reminds me of my dad."

" In a bad.. way? I presume, seeing how it made you feel." He said not so sure.

" Actually no, kind of in a good way I guess."

" I'm just so frustrated and angry."

" Avout what baby?" He asked.

" Last year, I found out about things that my dad did, even before I was born.."

" Scary things?" He asked cutely.

" No, unforgivable things." " And it made me so angry, that I'd been living all my life, thinking that like every other little girl, my dad was the best man out there." " It really hurt me you know?" You said, tears starting to stroll down on your face again.

" Yeah, I understand." " Do you feel comfortable telling me what you found out?"

" Yeah well,... he, he cheated. He cheated on my mom, while she was pregnant with me."

Hyunjin sighed out of compassion, closing his eyes at the horrible news and slowly placed his head on top of yours, tightening his arms around you. " I'm so sorry to hear that y/n." He whispered.

You wiped the tears off your face, trying to get a hold of yourself. " My whole life I never knew that that was the real reason that my parents got divorced." " They tried to stay together for three years you know?!" " I cant even imagine how hard that must've been for my mom." " What saddens me the most, is thinking about the fact that even before I was born, my parent's relationship went downhill, and the only man in my life had already fucked up." You say with a harsh tone, as if you were mad.

Hyunjin went silent and so did you.

Moments later you felt a droo hit the crook of your neck.

You attempted to turn around to look. Hyunjin was crying. " Baby,.." you said worried, wiping the tears of his cheeks. " Y/n.." He said slowly, bringing up the strength to hold your face between his hands to make you look at him. " I dont want you to ever feel like that again." " Not because of him, and mostly not because of me." " I love you way too much for my own good, and that assures me that I'll never do something like that to you." " You're so important, so worthy, and so loved." " I love you." He finished, leaning in to kiss you, with the most gentle approach. Your tear smothered cheeks sticking to each other's. You cried even more, feeling so incredibly lucky to have this human being as a partner.

And like that, he kept his promise and became the only exception to your 'men ain't shit' moto.

#hwang hyunjin #hyunjin imagines #stray kids #hyunjin ff #angst #skz imagines #daddy issues #fanfic

[i-bring-crack]

I can understand Cha Hae In suddenly wanting to be close to Jin Woo.

I mean, imagine if your entire life everyone around you smells as though they just came from an anime convention. jk, but in part it is true, some people smelling bad, others smelling at least neutral, the higher up they seem then the stronger the stench smells until it can cause you a headache, dizziness and maybe even vomiting like it almost happen with the Ant King.

And on top of that you had to see them every day on your job, they were everywhere. The stronger they where the harder it was to evade their smell which is probably why she might have never sparred with S ranks, or at least we see that she choose to become the pupil of a C rank instead of other higher ranked swordsman.

So here are some canon divergence I would have liked to do for the story, obviously some of the ideas might be in other fics I will eventually make:

If the author wanted her to have some sort of connection to the E rank, he could have had. Especially since Sung is the literal weakest which probably meant that he wouldnt smell as bad to her as say, you know, every other hunter. She could have befriended more low ranked people because they dont smell as bad, which could have also show her caring nature against those weaker than her.

We can see she cares because she is going out on patrol during her raids when it is time to rest, and it could even help show a bit more interaction between the mining team and the rest of the upper ranked hunters, giving her a subversion of basically what every other S rank has done up until now, which is act like they are in control of everything. (Like the mining team casually dropping hints that "Oh yeah Miss Cha is more calm than all the other S ranks, Mr Ming Byung Gyu too because they treat us like normal human beings despite their power exceeding us by miles. Its almost like tshe doesnt care about numbers for a dungeon but rather people which she can rely on and help.")

Cha Hae In could have even come to "know" Sung Jin Woo through Mr Song, her teacher, and about the constant dangers he was in. Which, unfortunatly due to her constant working she wouldnt have time to meet him but would definetly know of his situation in the dungeons, and maybe tend to help him out by letting Woo Jin Chul or another member of the assosiation keep an eye out on the poor boy. She could also have a sharp sense thatt he might not have done this for fun. And this conversation could have been explored around the prisoners arc. She doesnt need to have known him for a long time, but the gradual idea of acknoledgement even as an E rank could be intriguing to see. How does an s rank think of an E rank? is the lower ranker more brave than the S rank? would she be curious as to how he is constantly be saved? would it be pity or wave it off? We meet the first S rank as Hwang Dong Soo, someone who is ready to kill without any remorse two low ranked hunters, thus establishing a first idea to how even D´s and E´s can be preyed upon by S ranks. But then we would have another point of view, an opposite point by having Hae In tend that code of "Protect the weak no matter how strong you are." thus also explaining as to why the whole world hasnt completely been changed by tyrant S rankers, because there are still others who hold their morals far above than their own powers.

We have the Hunters Assosiation, yes, but what do normal S ranks think? do they value other lives? or is it just money and power they are under? and when we get to the Red gate arc, have the confrontation between Baek and Hwang, it can be shown that yes, people are still naturally good despite the whole awakening and dungeons and new enemies to fight with.

Anyways having Mr Song as her teacher would actually connect Cha Hae In and Sung Jin Woo to something that wasnt just coincidental. She could have learned about the double dungeon and even shown a bit of care towards those who survived it, once again showing that she cares not only low ranked hunters but also her master that was in probably one of the most traumatic events of his life so we wont brush off the PTSD that fast, or at least not turn it in simply a cold act.

And with that level of knowledge it wouldnt come off as weird for Cha Hae In to suddenly drop out of nowhere in Sun Jin Woo's life (it was weird cuz she is suddenly willing to leave everything out for him without even knowing his personality, I get it why (and also the whole feeling safe under him adue to Jeju, which, fair) but at least some hesitance could have fleshed her out more, like she doesnt know who he personality wise and only did a surface level research, there could have been more, SHE COULD HAVE TALKED WITH HER MASTER!!!. But if she knew him before or at least got the sense of who he was, she could have weighted out her options and opted to meet him again, maybe offer him some work at the dungeon so she can be around the boy more and doesnt have to fear for his safety, or if he chooses to become a backpack boy then she could have someone who doesnt smell as bad as the rest of her team, and thus lean closer to him.)

The research part could have also been expanded on like how Woo Jin Chul had done but bc she has more influence as an S rank and is the vice-master, she could have been the first to gather up on jin Woo´s mother, or even, the sudden shift in hospital visits. She could have supplanted a theory to Jin Chul or Jong In or Baek yoon ho (gnashing my teeth bc Yoon Ho seems to be the most apparent to her well being, seeing that he seemed to worry about her nose problems when they were sparring between S ranks. ) about him being a false ranker, which could alarm Jin Chul in order to understand hima little better.

If Cha was someone who deeply cared about others (which she is) then she could have also served to link Jin Woo more closer to his humane side than simply letting him be edgy as fuck. Of courseis not the whole "I can fix him" its rather the "Fix yourself Im just here tomake sure you dont become worse"

Because, he killed, he has the power to kill as many as he can and no one will be there to stop him at some point, he is loosing himself to the powers of the Shadow Monarch, to the Black Heart, he is becoming more and more Apathetic. But for the first time, he gains a friend (or at least a friend which doesnt feel like he is a burden too, with Lee Joo Hee they were close and I also wish they got to explore more of her too but not right now, this is Cha time,) he gains some support in his life and when Cha Hae In goes out to confront Sung Jin Woo about: The smell, the weird reawakening, his sudden jump to powers as he continously grows, and also the message Min Byung Gyu left for her, He COULD FINALLY have someone to talk about the system!

Sorry, but yeah, he can finally talk about all the things that the system has commanded him to do so, and because he has no choice but to answer her (She is an S rank that has been nice to her and she doesnt show off any sign of killing him, so he cant excuse the system for her death or try to threaten her, he has to at least answer. And maybe he can be vague or he can come completely clean, but he can at least get some things off his chest.) and suddenly Jin Woo now has someone which can at least try to him to help sort his problems out.

Though im not making Cha Hae In the therapist here, nor do I want Jin Woo to suddenly have all his problems resolved, but I can see it as the first step for Jin Woo to not be overcomed to take the position of Ashborn. Which, granted, he didnt have much of choice in the matter cuz it was a "Become Shadow Monarch or die" kind of situation, and he did want to grow strong enough to survive and pay his bills, to save his mother, but after Jeju there seems to be a breaking point. there is almost no reason to go on further because he has fufilled all that has mattered to him, but the system still wants him to go on, to keep struggling and becoming stronger so he can protect even bigger threats that NO ONE knows existed.

Cha Hae In, and maybe Baek Yoon Ho too, even Yoo Jin Hoo could start to gain more relevance here because they too have continued to hunt despite obtaining what they needed. Jin Ho still wanted to be with Jin Woo because of his family problems and could have sought out for more of Jin Woo's affection as well as the affection of the other sibling that also cared for his brother every day, Jin Ah. (Could have fleshed out that dynamic because Jin Ah seriously had more backstory with her friend Song Yi than Yoo "legit never met him once and now she is his wife at the last chap" Jin Ho.)

Jin Woo could have learned through Baek Yoon Ho's life just how great Byung Gyu was before and therefore leave an impact of Sung Jin Woo and whenever or not he should be using human soldiers when at some point they were just normal human beings. Iron, who did leave the weakest behind to die, but they were also stuck in an extreme situation with dire circumstances. The mage Park Hee Jin could have also come back and made Jin Woo face that other psychological conundrum about Iron. But instead of getting rid of Iron, cuz, its Jin Woo, he instead starts to think of what it really means for his shadow soldiers to be revived, and that if they are now under the shadow of an S rank hunter, they are hunters of their own who will, by choice, understand and protect humanity, not only because they are ordered to, but because this is a second life which they are allowed to become heroes.

And it dives even deeper into those shadows which, when we see the School dungeon break out, we can see some of the shadows be more impactful towards the situation at hand. Some who are apathethic to it, but other shadows who do feel a bit of remorse towards the situation bc of their link to a human(Jinwoo) is affecting their minds and letting thm have more empathy, making them more human than shadow.

Slowly, maybe even Sung Jin Woo too, could start to think if the fighting against magical beasts is really worth it, and how long will it be until humanity has exterminated all alien life through this.

We could see Sun Jin Woo develop more 🎆detective skills🎆 as he tries to find out about the working behind the gates and the awakened humans. Cha Hae In could also use her nose to detect waves of mana that are different from the rest, just like how she did with Jin Woo, and as they work toguether they truly start becoming friends friends. They get on each others nerves, they play with each other, they would no longer feel socially awkward, they tease and do their best to work well with one another, theyd comfort each other and even debate whenever or not they should try to reach out to see if the international rank hunters are like Jin Woo. Maybe Choi Jong In joins in after seeing his S rank get along too well with the Ahjin guild helps Jin Woo and Jin Ho on how to run a guild, which they are suprised by but Choi relates to Hae In that unlike Baek, he doesnt want to fight another S rank over the authority of the A rank dungeons in those areas, and maybe the Hunters guild can branch out to take more part in other cities of Korea without worring about the big cities, after all the gates are increasing.)

And then comes then Double Dungeon!

Which now feels a little more natural for Jin Woo and Hae In to be called friends, and even more reason for the Hunters, especially Cha He In, to save him from completely loosing himself to the Shadow Monarch and his black heart.

#solo leveling #cha hae in #sung jin woo #solo leveling au #manwha #baek yoon ho #choi jong in #song chi yul #solo leveling spoilers

[lyadontknowmel]

Okay but hear me out and prepare for a rant about our lovely Grindeldore

All too well (10 minute version) by Taylor Swift is one of the top songs that describe Gellerts and Albus' relationship.

And I was thinking on the drive down, any time now

He's gonna say it's love, you never called it what it was

'Til we were dead and gone and buried

^ "Because I was in love with you" being said when they fell apart already

Check the pulse and come back swearing it's the same

After three months in the grave

And then you wondered where it went to as I reached for you

But all I felt was shame and you held my lifeless frame

^ Them touching each others hearts during the duel

Maybe we got lost in translation

Maybe I asked for too much

^ Gellert's pov cause he wanted to do horrible things

But maybe this thing was a masterpiece

'Til you tore it all up

Running scared, I was there I remember it all too well

^ Gellert's pov again because Albus was the one to leave

And you call me up again

Just to break me like a promise

^ Them constantly being forced to meet or think about each other

So casually cruel in the name of being honest

I'm a crumpled up piece of paper lying here

'Cause I remember it all, all, all

^ Albus' pov cause Gellert is cruel in the name of "freedom". Also Albus is always reminded about Gellert even as a headmaster for example with the Elder Wand

They say all's well that ends well

But I'm in a new hell every time you double-cross my mind

^ Everyone telling Albus its okay now cause Gellert is locked but not knowing how much pain Albus is going through

Some actress asking me what happened, you, that's what happened, you

^ I dont think I have to explain

But then he watched me watch the front door all night, willing you to come

And he said, "It's supposed to be fun turning twenty-one"

^ Gellert wishing Albus would come back

Time won't fly, it's like I'm paralyzed by it

^ They both cant and never actually move on

I'd like to be my old self again, but I'm still trying to find it

^ The whole thing changed and hurt them both deeply and they will never be the same

After plaid shirt days and nights when you made me your own

Now you mail back my things and I walk home alone

But you keep my old scarf from that very first week

'Cause it reminds you of innocence and it smells like me

You can't get rid of it

'Cause you remember it all too well, yeah

^ In the beggining of SoD its the blood pact, then for Albus its Elder Wand

'Cause there we are again when I loved you so

Back before you lost the one real thing you've ever known

^ They never had anyone else ever again. They never loved anyone that much. And probably never trusted anyone else that much either

And I was never good at telling jokes but the punch line goes

I'll get older but your lovers stay my age

From when your Brooklyn broke my skin and bones

I'm a soldier who's returning half her weight

^ They changed. They are scarred for life and will never heal

And did the twin flame bruise paint you blue?

Just between us, did the love affair maim you too?

^ I dont think I have to explain

#grindeldore #dumbledore x grindelwald #gellert grindelwald #albus dumbledore #fantastic beasts secrets of dumbledore #fantastic beasts #secrets of dumbledore #all too well 10 min version #all too well #taylor swift #harry potter #lgbtq #gay couple #gay love #ggad

[glitch-e-rat]

should wait until i'm done with loop to do this, but i'd like to actually sleep tonight SO

theories and tidbits to remember is.at masterpost is a go - SPOILERS GALORE UNDER THE CUT.

is siffrin their real name? they seem to be poking at themselves at least once when they ask what kind of person can't remember their own name... is siffrin one they made up? like the king did?

obvious big question is the island. no mention of a scent of sugar i can find, and similarities to the time flashes we get when picking up stuff we already have suggests time shenanigans

BUT the red meaning breaking could also mean it's like.. some kind of shield? a shell? someone WANTED the island to be forgotten but its still there...? again i've seen enough to think i can get better info from loop so that's a big pin in that. heh...

the sadnesses that smell like sugar. i tried really hard to get siff to comment on that, especially after they fully understood what wishcraft is, but no dice. so for now i'm rolling with the idea that, given how helpful they are, the smells and the stars in their design/battle screen that they are part of siffs wish.

....sorta makes you wonder if they show up when siff isnt there

...maybe loop sent them...? that. would also provide enough prove of their ability to interfere (somewhat) subtly with the party to explain how they made it through without siff that one time..

they could also be a part of the kingdoms wish. little friends to help the saviors with their savior-ing..

why are colours gone? they didnt forget how to see them - they're just gone! where did they go. did it happen around the same time the island vanished? it sounds like that was p recent (bonnie 'remembers' forgetting, they are quite young) whereas colours disapearing is treated as a great historical mystery... so no? maybe not...

who. who cloned themselves? wheres the other one? i think this is a loop related quandry.

did the king stay at the house before taking it over...? the observatory seems to be being set up as his space, the attempts to write a forgotten name in a forgotten tongue.. the stars... idk i know there are others from their island around so it may be a co incidence

i dont think the other room is his. it's clear whatever happened there happened a long, long time ago. the books are moldering away - thats not a recent thing.

the death song sounds like laughing. its a fun touch. are the mal du pays laughing at us...? they probably should be..

that boss name is a kick in the teeth (/pos)

how do get in locked house in village? it needs a word to unlock but i never learned any more phrases for that. i know the person comes out at the end but there has to be a way in.. right?

what the heck kinda high level craft user is siff? they pull off major wish craft BY MISTAKE???? a forgotten art likely unique to their land. combined with the cloak i feel like. they used. to be someone very important... i wonder if we'll ever get info to follow up on those tidbits, given particular attention is drawn to the cloak on purpose.

OH I FORGOT. the sweet smell during wish magic and the fact siff is perpetually hungry, as well as the way they loop being a tug on the stomach. that feels... at least somewhat likely to be connected right? it still doesnt explain why siff has the ability but it might at least explain what's fueling it and why he has to eat so much (and why not eating for two days is what finally stopped him)

...i think that's all i got for now. i'll. probably come back and add more as i go. little frazzled tbh.. it's. a lot. and my brain will be rolling it around for weeks no doubt.

#glitch.bat #spoilers #major is.at spoilers #yall know me and the theorycrafting... #weeeee

[xardoth]

Unknown Source | Pelle Ohlin

Hallo! This interview doesn't have questions, it was only Pelle's answers. Once my schedule calms down I'm gonna try to get some Øystein interviews published :)!

"THE ANSWEAR...ING OF YOUR QUESTIONS---?

This is not sooo many answears I give you, but what the fuck it's so many questions HUH! Ok, I'll try now.

1? It goes very slowly

2. No, I wear a warm jacket.

3. The simple reason is that I couldn't find another, what do you thoughts?

4. GLLLUAPP... NW. G!.. Oh yeah the question.. The reason to live is, of course, to die, but after that... hmmmmm.. WAIT I'M NOT FINISH YET.. there is so many ideas about this, so I don't knowe, what about that???

5.0 I like to discuss that. The most of all idiots want to die when they are sleeping and quickly - no pain. I prefer to die slowly so I can see how it feels - WHAT A PLEASURE! I'll only do this once.. and why not in TORMENT?

6..2? Ok, I had heard the name before! Don't say any thing.. Hmmmmmm.. Oh yeah I'll think Mayhem is a great band with cool dudes. I heard that Maniac leaves and maybe I will fit. I didn't knowe then that they know so lot of people. The contact of the very first degree were when I send them our (Morbid) rehearsal tape and of course a crucified rat. I think they liked that 'coz they sacrificed it in a fire place. THE SMELL WAS GREAT!

7. NO! Ok, a longer answear (as you told me). Morbid doesn't exist anymore. The real Morbid were me and the guitarist John. Every one had an own reason to leave the band so we were split up. The other guitarist and the incredible stupid drummer Drutt wanted to call their new band Morbid. This NEW band sounded like the stupid poser band Testament(?). Me, John and some others told them friendly to change the name 'coz that's not Morbid. And they did... HA! Me and another guy will start up a new band (hobby band). At first we wanted to start up old Morbid again but John wimped out as always, so this is also another band, no name yet. An old member from the darktime before the demo, called T.6. Known(?) as shitcan. who did My dark subconscious and the most part of wings of funeral, will also join. what about the mysterious John, in the middle of  Åkersberga? We will record (just we) a following demo (!!!!!) of the first and only Dec. Moon (Morbid) demo. It will be one/eng/eins/ona - 1. song. The first demo ends with a trailer Death Execution, also known as La-LaLa-LaLa. etc... We will do the rest of it. INCREDIBLE, huh? (I HATE TO EXPLAIN THIS BUT IT'S OVER NOW... I will also take a break, think (??) worth it.. HALLO... HEY, Marcin? - Ok, I'm back now

8. In the very past time of the MORBID ages I did all the lyrics. That were a problem. I wanted the other guys to write, but they dont wanted to. And when I had done a lyric, the didn't like it, 'coz I writed the things that I'm into. But I wanted they to also write! That were a prblem of course. The things who influence me are Horror stuff, sometimes occult stories, psycokillers, some cannibalism, blaspheme, the christs, black magic and scare people to death, and corpse infections, etc;. Nowadays in MAYHEM we write the lyrics together. Now we try to describe how it feels strangled to death feel the face veins blowed up with blood it wents black before your and and unpleasant pictures turning round inside of your eyes. Another song is about the pleasure you feel when you get killed."

Thank you so much to my lovely friend Ember for sending me the original interview! Muah <3!

#pelle ohlin #dead #mayhem #black metal #death metal #lords of chaos #euronymous #øystein aarseth #hellhammer #necrobutcher #true norwegian black metal #varg vikernes #metalhead #metal

[born-to-lose]

can u go thru when i dont have u line by line please ... so interested 2 hear the choices behind each bit

Full heartbreaking analysis under the cut

What will I do

When your scent on your shirt disappears

For Valentine's Day, my love gave me a sleeveless shirt he's had for years so it smells like him a lot. It feels like home and good memories because the sheets of the holiday home where I spent my summers at the North Sea as a child smelled the same. Since I got it, I've been smelling it every night before going to sleep in an attempt to memorize the scent and when it's not too cold, I sleep in it. But I've also been worried about the scent fading over time and about me forgetting how he smelled at some point.

When your lipstick's all used up

For my birthday, he gave me a dark pink/red lipstick, which has sort of become my signature shade when I go out. I can't get this brand and exact lipstick in my country, so I would have to get it imported from the UK when it's used up (it also accidentally melted a bit and broke off after a while ago and I somehow fixed it but the cute little pattern isn't there anymore). Even if I did get a new lipstick in that shade, it would still not be the same as applying the one that was hand-picked by the love of my life.

When I want new pictures of you

Because I've looked at the old ones a million times

I still keep a framed photo of him on my bedside table because I can't bring myself to put it away in a box or even just my desk or shelf. In addition to that, my usual way of coping with missing him was (and still is) looking at the pictures I have of him on my phone, but after a while you want new ones because you just miss their face so much, you know?

What will I do

When I don't have you anymore

The main question of this whole poem, and also of this whole week. Actually, what will I do now? I'm still trying to figure that out.

When I can't call you every week

We used to have weekly video calls and every week without a date (because one of us was busy or didn't feel well) was rough for me and the thought of them never happening at all kills me.

When I can't hear you laugh and sing

I'm absolutely in love with his singing voice. He used to sing a few songs on request for me and even recorded some so I can listen to them whenever I want. His laugh is my favourite sound in the world and I was always so happy when I could make him laugh.

When we don't stay up late talking about everything

Especially in the first months and on weekends, we stayed up really late on some nights to talk about all kinds of things and I enjoyed those conversations more than I can say.

What will I do

When you're not in my arms

Sadly, I never got the chance to have him in my arms, but I literally dreamed of that and still crave it so much. If I could hold him just for a moment, I would never let go.

When I miss your face next to mine

As we were long distance, I didn't actually have his face next to mine, but sometimes when we nearly fell asleep on video call, both of us wrapped in blankets, it just felt so nice and cozy.

When I don't feel your hands on me

Again, I never really did and this is too intimate to discuss, but a single touch from him, no matter in what context and with what intention, would make me melt.

When I can't play with your hair as you lay on my chest

Another thing I really wish I could do. He has beautiful hair and I've always wanted to play with it or braid it while we're cuddling.

What will I do

When your tapes are worn out

He made two mixtapes for me, which I think is the most romantic thing ever, especially because he used actual cassettes and didn't just create a playlist (although he also did that and it's almost 9 hours long). The parts where he talks in between the songs to explain why he added them or what we were talking about at the moment always make me smile, and I keep rewinding to the parts where he sings along so they're ingrained in my mind forever. He told me several times not to wear them out, but I'm afraid they will be eventually, so I'll need to get them digitalized just in case.

When the ink on your letters fades

We wrote each other letters and cards and I love rereading the ones he sent me. They still have their place in a letter rack on my desk and at some point in the future I'll put them in a box and keep them until I die, hoping they'll still be legible decades from now.

When your scented candle stops burning

For Christmas, he gave me a white pear and patchouli scented candle. Sometimes I light it so my room smells like him and it always makes me feel better when I do. It's a jar candle and I really hope it will last for a long time because like with the shirt, I have a thing for scents and associating them with people I love and if there's nothing like that left of him, I'll be devastated.

When the blood in your vial necklace turns brown

He made a blood vial necklace for me and I tried to make one too, but I couldn't get enough blood out without actually relapsing into cutting. I never leave the house without it because I want to carry part of him with me at all times and show him off a bit. The fact that it's his own blood and that we had a thing for blood and talked about literally giving each other our hearts makes it even deeper and more intimate to me. When it arrived by mail, the blood had already clotted a little and by now it's turned into a very dark, almost black, shade of red, which looks really pretty in sunlight.

What will I do

When you're gone and all I have

Even if for now, he isn't actually gone and still in my life, and most importantly not dead, it's still hard to shift from the blissful life together I've gotten so used to in the last 7 months to the situation I'm in now.

Are the things you've sent me

I'm scared of the day when he's not with me in any way and literally all I have are his gifts he sent me.

Your soft voice and pretty face in my head

As mentioned above, I adore his voice and he's the most gorgeous man I've ever seen. I'll never get that out of my head; even when I'm old and can't remember anything about myself, I hope he will always be in my memory.

And the memory of you and our time together

Over the course of our relationship, we made quite a few amazing memories (as far as possible when you live two countries apart) that I'll never forget, even if we had so many more plans for the future. Our time together was the best time of my life and he's by far my most important relationship I've ever had and ever will have. I'm pretty sure he's the love of my life and I will never be able or want to call anybody else than him "my love" because he will always be that to me. Honestly, I don't think I could ever love as deeply again as I love him.

#sorry this took so long but god i really put everything into this and now i'm crying #ask #zigmentality #barbi

[hatsunerandal]

part six of my playlist analysis!!

part 1 <;- part 2 &lt;- part 3 <- part 4 <- part 5 <- BACK TO THE SOUP WITH YEE

la seine - vanessa paradis no fucking clue what theyre saying but lockwood does idk he just knows french i feel it in my bones. he taught lucy the girls part and they sing it together. he didnt tell her wtf it meant hto and i think thats funny.

merry go round of life - nuvo orchestra THEY DANCE TO IT IN THE KITCHEN LATE AT NIGHT WHEN GEORGE IS ASLEEP SO THEY DONT WAKE HIM WAILS SOBS CRIES.  father - the front bottoms do i remember lockwoods canon relationship with his late father? no!! have i decided he has daddy issues?? yes!! (other than his dad being. dead. yk) young girl a - siinamota go look up the english lyrics. have fun. :) a match into water - pierce the veil we've seen how protective lockwood is of lucy, now what if someone almost killed her? think about that for a little bit smile. faster car - loving caliber this is about to give some people fucking WHIPLASH. im not even gonna explain this one cuz i wanna see how many people get it. its only sex - car seat headrest this song is just me projecting onto lockwood so im not. gonna vent here LMAOO laugh till i cry - the front bottoms more lockwood being reckless after lucy left? methinks yes. meteor shower - cavetown (i dont support or even like cavetown all that much i just have an emotional attachment to this song dont kill me please) RHHHGHGHGHFH THIS SONG IS SO CUTE ITS SO THEM ITS SO DOMESTIC AND SILLY JUST IMAGINE IF THE PROBLEM DIDNT EXIST AND THEY COULD GO OUT INTO A FIELD AT NIGHT (if they lived somewhere were feilds existed obv) AND LOOK AT THE STAIRS IM ACTIVELY SOBBING. ribs - lorde this song puts me into an immense state of grief everytime i hear it because it has one of those "nostalgia for something that never existed vibes" and i cherish it so dearly for that and it just gives them vibes. it fits their trio so well (i love holly but she doesnt exist yet here). alien blues - vundabar this is self explanatory i think. come a little closer - cage the elephant this one is similar to ribs for me. where is my mind - the pixies soft nighttime vibes reading together before snuggling up and going to bed <33. its ok i wouldnt remember me either - crywank lockwood thinking about death and how much he has to work with death just knowing jess is right there :( its one of those days when he just cant. get out of bed. luce and george always help him through those days, but its still hard.

memento mori - crywank same thing slightly different font. creature - half.alive uhh fuck you [throws religious trauma at lockwood] my alcoholic friends - the dresden dolls angry lockwood, but not anyone in particular, just angry at the system and the way it treats kids. because its a fucking nightmare and i hate the government. two birds - regina spektor owie owie owie norrie and lucy but the one who stayed didnt have a choice :(. i love you so - the walters rrhhfhhfhfhfhd angst angst angst theyre both feeling like their to much so they both start distancing when literally all they want is to be in the others arms but they cant because theyre afraid. goodbye, my danish sweetheart - mitski i love this song sm its so lucy idek why its just. her. cigarettes & feelings - the haunt absolutely locklyle skirting around talking about their feelings for WAYYY to long. perfume - lovejoy ouch lockwood constantly smelling lucys perfume wherever he goes after she leaves, he sees her shadow everywhere, thinks he sees her out of the corner of his eyes, but shes not there. its all futile! its all pointless! - lovejoy lockwood and his suicidal-ness just thinking for to long about how long he has to live and how hard it will all be. ramblings of a lunatic - bears in trees lockwood ranting to lucy late at night with her hands in his hair just listening to him talk about random shit but theyre together so its ok. snakes - mccafferty i have a slight mccafferty problem can you tell? i dont even know it feels like another just 'them talking' song. the house with no doorbell - mccafferty this entire song is so lockwood coded i will die on this hill. drop from our windows - mccafferty same as the last one. fentanyl - mccafferty i dont actually really know for this one i just think its lockwood vibes. water fountain - alec benjamin what lockwood thinks is gonna happen if lucy hangs out with kipps LMAOO. this is sorta a joke but hes genuinely scared that kipps is going to steal her from him. nights like these - pigeon pit another lucy-and-lockwood-are-both-having-breakdowns-and-panic-attacks-but-seperately-wishing-they-could-be-together type beat. little lion man - mumford & sons lockwood thinking about jess -> could also be lockwood thinking about how he drove lucy away after she left. trees II - mccafferty jesus i have a mccafferty problem. 'i need you more than you need me' NO YOU BOTH NEED EACHOTHER AND YOU DONT RELAIZE IT BECAUSE YOURE TOO BUSY BEING SCARED OF OPENING UP TO THE OTHER ONE DAMMIT. twin size mattress - the front bottoms yk i had to. lockwood is an angsty lad we know he aboslutely loves tfb. aesthetic? (more like ass-pathetic) - panuccis pizza lockwood you sad sad little man. internet ruined me - wilbur soot OK I KNOW. WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE. but the actual sound of it gives lockwood vibes. not the lyrics but the sound. first love/late spring - mitski this is such a lucy song come ON its so her the whole 'i was so young when i behaved 25'??? literally her. helium - glass animals its just. its so them. also kinda feels like george watching their relationship unfold and being jealus vibes WHICH IS WHY I PROPOSE QPR- [gunshots] https://open.spotify.com/track/2BlDX1yfT0ea5wo0vjCKKa?si=32f77e7933024562 <- link because i dont know japanese!! this!! song!! if you where on anime tiktok at anypoint in time you know it and you know why its here.

1983 - neon trees dancing in the kitchen vibes. little talks - of monsters and men this song makes me so distraught but its another situation with talking to the moon (bruno mars) where its lockwood talking to himself in his room, pretending hes talking to lucy. and the series goes on!! we're more than halfway through tho :D part 7 here we go!!

#lockwood and co #locklyle #lucy carlyle #anthony lockwood #george karim

[fyodorloveclub]

Hi my favorite little slut (I ran out of ideas to call you horny) It’s me again because I love talking to you, mwah. Now we all know I love Fyodor and you love Fyodor so I present to you: Dazai osamu, because I’m mean <3

JUST KIDDING. Anyways here’s some fukuzawa headcanons, because I’m a liar.

Ranpo Headcanons

Fyodor hates blue cheese with a passion, like he wants to abolish it. He even made a petition for companies to stop selling it.

Fyodor doesn’t cut his nails often because, 1. He bites them. 2. He actually lets them grow out. On the occasions that he doesn’t bite his nails he grows them out, and they’re kept clean and look quite pretty. He doesn’t paint them because he finds it dumb.

Fyodor accidentally started a small war between two countries when he was 16 by hacking into a government officials email. LMAO he literally shat himself when he saw it on the news but also kinda boosted his ego.

Fyodor tried selling Ivan on the black market. He only got one bid and it was from Dazai.

Fyodor lost his ushanka (his hat) one time and stopped everything he was doing to find it. Like he searched for hours. He left it on his desk where he was currently working.

Fyodor is lactose intolerant but still eats dairy like it’s no one’s business. Like he can eat an absurd amount of it in a single sitting.

Fyodor hates socks. He doesn’t like the feeling of them so if he can he’ll be bare footed.

Fyodor has an extensive shower routine but he only showers every three days. LMAO don’t worry he usually just smells like despair and blood.

Fyodor couldn’t figure out how to open a bottle of champagne and instead broke the very top of it off and drank it straight from the bottle.

Fyodor likes the piano music but hates pianist because he can’t play it. How that works idk? Also cello is harder to learn than piano 💀

Fyodor hates bananas, for no reason, he just hates bananas

Fyodor likes butterflies, like he genuinely finds them so pretty and fascinating. He could stare at them for hours.

Fyodor’s idea of savings, is having a piggyback.

Fyodor actually doesn’t care too much for his home country. He hates how cold it is and how it always seems to be freezing. He’s just dramatic though because they have pretty decent weather the rest of the year.

Fyodor likes BTS no im not explaining. His bias is Suga. Knows every single song by heart.

Fyodor one time ran over a man and subconsciously said “oh nice 10 points”.

Fyodor uses the laws as his bucket list 🫶

Fyodor can’t hold his liquor.

Fyodor wrote a whole manifesto about how trees are better than humans. It was quite beautiful. 10/10

Fyodor has a pet chinchilla named Pantene. Yes like the shampoo.

Fyodor dyed his hair blonde one time, because he was evading capture and he gets nightmares about it. He absolutely hates himself blonde. Cried for three hours when he first looked in the mirror. Genuinely had a breakdown inside of a 7/11 bathroom floor and almost had to re evaluate his entire life’s goals and ambitions. Got so drunk because he genuinely couldn’t stand it. He blacked out and ended up in Venezuela and ended up working for a shady business that sold perception glasses.

Sincerely your one and only liar 😘

Guess who I kin from bsd and I’ll give you dilf fukuzawa headcanons 🫶

-🪱

BDKSHDKAHDJSJDJSS THESE ARE ALL SO FUCKING UNHINGED LIKE I DONT EBEN HAVE ANYTHING TO ADD HHMSBFSKFNKADNZK

also @nameless-noodles drew us a wonderful depiction of blonde fedya

#YOU HAVE TO BE A DAZAI OR RANPO KINNIE #voices in my head #🪱 demon

[vampiredeck]

found out today that i probably have some kind of synesthesia bc i went insane trying to explain that the song the song the anthem by good charlotte is joey wheeler but not bc of the lyrics just because It Is Him

and i was like yknow its like how the sax instrumentals at the beginning of cry for judas by the mountain goats are an indigo color similar to the way the sky tastes but the rest of the song is distinctly the orange glow of a campfire in the woods

or how vinegar is a cold smell but Ajax dish soap is a hot smell

or how hearing a pop sound feels like swallowing or hearing a kitchen timer go off feels like the sound is physically crawling on my body

or how tuesday and the number 3 have physical spaces they take up and they are right next to each other

and then i realized hey wait maybe thats not normal and other people dont know what im talking about

#gil.txt #im so sorry that anyone reading this will not know what i mean when i say an indigo color similar to how the sky tastes #bc that is the only way i can describe it with words

[faeriescorpio]

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 9, and 10

what song makes you feel better?

Song that makes me feel better. I think Touch Tone Telephone by Lemon Demon is up there. I can't drive without blasting this song because I have a lot of fear about driving and blasting this song makes me happy. When I'm not listening to melodramatic and emo alternative songs I'm blasting (checks spotify wrapped with tears in my eyes) ...bubblegum pop. I mocked that genre last year but apparently that's what I listen to. Like. Um. Classic by MKTO. look its very bouncy and also it kinda sounds like Wilbur Soot's Your New Boyfriend and I will not elaborate

2. what’s your feel-good movie?

Ooh I've got a few comfort movies. I constantly talk about how I love bad movies, and it really shows. I usually watch The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey, National Treasure, Star Trek: Into Darkness, or Mission Impossible 5: Rogue Nation when I wants a comfort movie, whether im in an adventure mood, or action mood, or gentle angst mood

3. what’s your favorite candle scent?

I have this cinnamon scent that I adore, but I've been informed that it smells like soap. I think they're lying but whatever. i don't actually know what else is in there besides cinnamon, because I bought it at a witch store and the label just says "Scorpio" and it doesn't list ingredients or anything

4. what flower would you like to be given?

I said roses but I'm always ready to go into detail. I have these kind of pink-red roses in my backyard and I adore them, and I have some white roses but those are more susceptible to the mildew/mold so I never get to show them off. I give my friends yellow roses sometimes because those are supposed to mean friendship. supposedly they also mean jealousy but what my friends dont know about flower symbolism cant hurt them so if I'm giving my crush's boyfriend a yellow rose because "youre part of the friend group now" who's to say anything? who's gonna know. whos gonna know. i love to dick around with flower meanings and not explain anything to my friends

5. who do you feel most you around?

my best friend, easily. we've known each other for 11 years, and younger me had no filter so by the time the concept of Keeping Things To Yourself got into my brain my bestie already knew more about me than I did myself because I forget a lot of stuff, an excellent example of my bestie knowing more about me than me is this fic

alternatively i guess bestie's gf I feel pretty me around too. all those posts about aggressively third-wheeling are no joke. they recently did a two year anniversary thing and they posted photos of themselves and literally over half the photos were either MY house or I was in them but was cropped out for anniversary purposes. I was rolling on the floor cackling over this. like yeah, thats exactly where youre supposed to be >:3 my house

6. say three nice things about yourself (three physical and three non-physical).

I have nice hair, I have nice eyes, I like how tall I am. I like my creativity, my determination, and my loyalty.

7. what color brings you peace?

lavender and blue-greys calm me. also the sea-green color

9. what calms you down?

im not great at calming myself down but if im unhappy about something then I usually watch youtube videos to distract myself. Honestly I try to hype myself up more than calm myself, like make myself giddy with excitement. a great way to do this for me is to watch videos where people react Avengers Endgame in theatres because Thor's hammer will start lifting into the air and the whole movie theatre will scream and for some reason listening to a punch of people cheer hypes me up. i am using my dumb little sensitive empathy as a weapon against myself

10. what’s something you’re excited for?

part two of in space with markiplier! also mission impossible 7 and 8, theyre being filmed back to back. they just finished filming MI 7 and its in post-production and theyve started MI 8. MI 7 was supposed to come out like this summer but its coming out next summer because 1) quarantine and 2) Tom Cruise is delaying production over an argument over how long Mission Impossible 7 should be in theatres before it goes on a streaming service. I've heard rumors that either a character I dont like, or a character who is the fan favorite and my special scrungly may die in MI 7 which is like. are you kidding. not to be rude but i hope the fan favorite survives and its the character i dont care for who dies, and since my character is one of 4 people confirmed for MI 8 I'm in high hopes. (grips Tom Cruise by the shoulders) you wouldnt kill the comedic relief, the fan favorite, right? if you wanna read about me talking about mission impossible for half an hour the i did make a post a few days ago

#using links so i dont ramble too much on my main #look listen to Classic then listen to your new Boyfriend. i promise theres something there

[commanderquinn]

Good Space Chapter 1: Flower

! i dont! keep these posts! updated! like i do! ao3!

that means you're going to find typos and shit (and possibly minor detail changes) that don't match the ao3 version! that's because im not going to bother fixing the tumblr posts until i finish good space as a whole. im only uploading them here as a backup tbh

—

master list / ao3 chapter link

—

She’s the one good thing about trips to medical in the Avenger’s Tower.

Every other day, at her direct insistence, her lab is the only place in the entire wing that he’s willing to go to. It smells warm and safe, nothing like the antiseptic that makes him want to break a limb. For the first two weeks, he tries to tell her that she doesn’t have to do this. He’s been looking after the link from his arm to his brain for years. There’s never been a problem with it that he couldn’t handle, and he’ll come back if anything ever feels off. No matter how much Steve hovers, she doesn’t need to waste her time on this.

By the start of the third week, he can’t bring himself to suggest that anymore.

—

psa: there’s some gross ass (sometimes detailed) nazi medical shit all through this fic, so if lobotomy talk of any kind is a no for you, skim over any brain talk. your best bet is just to skip the lab scenes where you can ❤️

fic title is a song by skrillex! we needed bouncy shit that vague hinted at plot. the chapter title is a moby song to lay out the v i b e s 👾 im always going to list these, so y’all have a song to listen to while reading

all i can think that needs to be said for canon clarity (ill make it all clear over time dw) is post-WS buckaroo got picked up by steve and sam to be taken for a shower and therapy. no civil war, no age of ultron. we're taking parts of it and doing other shit, you'll see. fury’s publicly alive and director again, shield got flushed out because mmmmm i said so i guess. no red room here. its not about nat, the lack of consent history hanging between them isnt something i want with this. i want to focus on other parts of their trauma bond. alsomaybeishipnatwithsomeoneinthis.

im sorry, but i never started wanda content on my end, and AI jarvis is comfy nostalgia i want to play in, so likely not a lot for her here. yes, we will be having shuri bully bucky, ofc, she’s the pin that holds this whole plot together (what else is new)

oh and i treat bucky’s arm as more of an atompunk feel rather than “the nazi’s had bleeding edge limb tech in ww2 that only affects bucky’s arm, definitely not anything else”

other than that, we’re firmly in good ‘ol stark tech magic and too many open wiki pages for all my plot device needs

also my grammar aint the good. i write these mf's in my spare time while baked af, you're gonna have to give a bitch a break babes 👾

—

Febuary 17th, 2018

"That's not what I'm asking about."

Tony throws up his hands from the other side of the conference table, then lets them smack back down against the polished surface dramatically. "Illuminate me then, Rogers. I'm running out of ways to explain that she's the best I've got to offer for this."

Steve pushes a hand through his hair with a frustrated huff. "I'm not a brain surgeon." 

"No shit, that's what she's here for."

"I meant that I don't know what the fuck I'm looking at."

"Now I know you're worried if you're willing to," Tony clutches at the front of his shirt in mock horror, "swear in public." Pepper smacks his shoulder without even looking up from her tablet. The sight would make Steve smile under normal circumstances. 

"You can hand me any resume you want, Tony. I'm telling you that I won't be able to see a difference. I know you're giving me a team who can do the work; I'm asking if they can do it while it's Bucky."

"Are you worried about his safety or theirs?" Pepper asks, finally looking over. Her tone isn't judgemental. If anything, it's veering towards the gentleness it has when she's talking Tony down.

"I'm not worried about theirs. I will be there every time. Even if he has a bad day, I'll make sure that—look. Nothing's going to happen. It's just...." Steve flips open the folder he's been carrying for a week. The edges of it are starting to wear down at this point. Sighing, he slides his summary notes to their side of the table. "He still doesn't... he doesn't talk about the previous escapes. No matter what his therapist tries. He just can't bring himself to do it. But it's not hard to get a clear picture of what used to happen. He does this every time. He builds himself a strong house, then a fallback point, and then he goes to work trying to fix all the damage alone, which he'll never be able to do. No one could. And there's not going to be a goon squad rolling in to drag him back anymore, so he's just going to—"

"Yeah, yeah, push him to help him; I grasped the concept the first hundred times," Tony cuts in. If he weren't so damn anxious, Steve might honestly feel bad about being so far up everyone's ass over this. "You've got me on board. So, what's the concern here? Will she quit the first time he bites her head off? That's a pretty chauvinist perspective, especially coming from you."

"She's had to put up with Tony long enough to befriend him; that should be proof enough." Pepper smiles as the nightmare himself points toward her in silent agreement.

Steve raises his hands amicably. "I'm not trying to insult anyone's professionalism. I'm sure she's had more than her fair share of problem patients to get where she is today. I'm... I'm more asking if—Christ. I'm sorry in advance, alright? But... Tony, I need you to look me in the eye and tell me that you'd have trusted her to get you home."

A stiff, all-consuming silence falls over the spare meeting room. Pepper and Steve waiting on bated breath; Tony frozen as he looks back at him with an expressionless face. 

Steve despises himself for doing this to him. The knowledge of what happened in that cave is something the man is unimaginably protective over. It took years—and a night of blackout drinking on Tony's end—for the story to even slip out of him. Talking about Yinsen is the only time Steve's seen him cry that he can remember. It was just one overflow, barely even two tears that got scrubbed off his cheeks within the first minute, but it was there. It's the only way Steve knows to get his point across.

Tony looks down at the table and adjusts his posture. His head shifts and his lips purse in that signature move of his, the one that comes up when he's forced to be a person. With feelings. Pepper's arm moves, no doubt taking his hand under the table. 

He looks back up, meeting Steve's eyes as his posture relaxes. "I wish they could have met. I think Yin would have gotten a kick out of her fashion taste. I think she'd have gotten an even bigger one out of putting him in it."

It's the most ringing endorsement he's ever heard the man give. More importantly, Steve knows just how much weight sits behind the guarded words.

—

"I've got their personnel files if you want them. They all volunteered them to you willingly."

"I'm alright."

"Do you want their names ahead of time?"

"No."

"Not even their first ones?"

"They can tell them to me."

"Okay."

"...."

"...."

"...What are they?"

"The ones that'll be behind the glass are Hannah and Wyatt." Of course Steve knows to start there, where his nerves will fixate the most. Asshole. "You probably won't even talk to the two of them today, but your main doctor for this will definitely offer to let you. Her name is Ava. She's going to check in with you for confirmation on a lot of things before she does them. I shadowed her for over a week, asshole. It's not about you; she does it for everyone."

Bucky grunts. "I wouldn't have jumped on her for it."

"No, you'd have sat there brooding like a petulant jackass instead, probably making her feel bad." Steve pauses for a long moment, fiddling with the paper coffee cup in his hands. "You should read Hannah's file, Buck."

"Why?" He shouldn't ask. He can hear the motive sitting in his best friend's voice. It's a fucking trap, and he fucking knows it, but he also can't stop himself.

"Her last name is Schuster."

He absolutely despises the way the situation makes his gut clench. They're dead. They're all dead, and the ones in their place have been declawed for much longer than he's been off ice. He's probably not even going to talk to the woman, at least not today. He might catch the sight of a name on a coat, however. Or on a chart.

He wanted to do this without letting old habits in. He wanted to at least start this feeling like a person, not a weapon. But he gets why the dickhead is trying to baby-step him into it.

Bucky holds out his hand. Steve silently passes him the tablet he keeps. Neither of them says a word as he reads the SHEILD file to himself, line by line. Taking in a stranger's entire professional life. Her family, her known associates, every residence she's ever held. It takes a moment of hovering his finger over the subfolder with her medical records to talk himself down from opening it. Nothing is lingering in those shadows; Steve wouldn't allow it. That's not a line he needs to cross anymore. 

He hands it back when he's done. "The other two?"

"Nothing I could think of. Ava's seen your hard limit list—you remember I told you I was gonna give it to one of your—?"

"I remember. It's okay. That's why you have it."

"Yeah." Steve takes another long pause. "You remember that she knows—"

"I know."

"Good. The others don't. She says they don't need to for any of it, and it's never going on record again." He looks over out of the corner of his eye. "She's going to bring it up today."

"I had a hunch."

"I just wanted to make sure it didn't surprise you."

"I know."

"Good." Steve picks up his coffee to drain the last of it in one swig. He tosses the empty cup into a trashcan by the wall a few tables over before looking back at him. He extends his now-empty hand. "Ready?"

"Not in the fucking least." Bucky raises his hand to lock with his best friends momentarily. "Let's go."

There's no wing in this tower—and he's been through all of them by now—that he dislikes more than medical. The place makes his skin feel like a thousand goddamn spiders are crawling all over him, and the smell of it, fuck. It sits in his head like a fog while it burns up the inside of his nose, making him want to break anything touching any part of him. He'd make Steve be here with him no matter what; that's a given. But the fact that there's going to be a doctor poking at him today while he's trying to power through it all makes the guy's presence non-negotiable. Bucky needs the safety net for the good of everyone in that room.

Steve doesn't try for talking to distract him, mercifully enough. There are times when it helps. Today isn't going to be one of them. He doesn't even have to bring it up for Steve to know, and the reminder that he's understood helps his nerves. It's been an incredibly long time since he had an incident. He's proud of every last one of those days. He won't be upset with himself—well. He'll try not to be upset with himself if that streak ends. But he really, really wants that day not to be today.

Bucky treats it like a mission. He's braced and ready for the antiseptic when they first get through the entrance. He doesn't flinch or huff through his nose at the invasion, not even as they make their way to the specialized divisions. He's walked these hallways before; he's walked every single one in the tower. It was the only way he could get himself to sleep during his first week here. Aside from a few trips to the emergency intake, he hasn't had to force himself back. 

He's definitely never bothered with meeting the specialists themselves. It took long enough to convince himself not to memorize the names of every staff member in the tower. He doesn't need to do that anymore. That's what his therapist and the Star Spangled Spandex keep insisting, anyways.

The door Steve goes for sticks out against the sleek hallway long before they reach it. It's painted, and not just a solid color; it's covered with a garden scene done by several different hands, going by the skill variation. Bucky runs his thumb over one of the hundreds of flowers as they walk past it to feel how thick the tiny acrylic mountains are. One of the petals cracks under the light pressure of the move, making him frown. The mural's not sealed at all, despite being long dried. Not the kind of thing maintenance usually overlooks.

An absolute shock of color hits Bucky's eyes when he gets his first look at the neurosurgeon's office. The walls he can spot from this side of the entryway are lined with tie-dye hanging cloths, and the floor is covered in fluffed-up, vibrant rugs. There's not a hint of SHIELD regulation left in the architecture, with all the walls that aren't glass holding even more heavy paint globs. Some of the murals are more flowers, but a majority of them are space themed. 

The stench of antiseptic fades the farther into the room Bucky goes. By the time the door shuts behind him, it's entirely replaced with the warm aroma of apples and cinnamon. A long, curved desk is off to one corner, pushed against the glass wall overlooking the city and covered in picture frames. An arrangement of chairs piled with pillows matching the rest of the decor sits in the center. Each one of them is fucking massive.

The room itself is separated in half by a thick glass wall. He can spot two doctors sitting behind an array of equipment on the other, equally decorated side behind the glass. There isn't any creative paint in there from what he can spot. If it weren't for that, he could almost forget that he's standing in a medical lab. 

Almost.

"Hi there," comes a voice to his right. 

The woman it belongs to almost blends in with the office once Bucky turns his head to look at her. The lab coat that comes down to her knees is a solid blue rather than tye-dye, but it's covered in stitched designs. Most of them are shaped like bees. Bucky barely stops his eyebrows from raising at the sight of the outfit underneath. Loose cloth pants hanging low on her hips, with even more bees on them, and a hand-knit top that would have been called obscene during most of the decades he woke up in. The bun she's pulled her hair into must have been done this morning; more than a few bundles are hanging down haphazardly. Bucky hasn't met a lot of brain surgeons that he knows of, but he doesn't remember any of them having glasses as thick as hers. He's pretty sure that good vision is something most of them need for the job. Not that he's nervous.

She walks over with a warm smile, already extending a hand to him. She's a short, round little thing. Barely five feet, if his guess is accurate. It always is. "I'm Dr. Ryder. You can call me Ava. I'm told you're my newest patient."

He accepts the shake with a nod and tries not to think about how sweaty his hand might feel to her. Wiping it against his pants would have been too weird. "James."

"But you prefer Bucky, right?"

"Yes, ma'am. Ava," he corrects himself quickly.

"Oooh, someone's stepped on some toes in the new century." Her smile takes on a teasing edge. "I'm originally from Canada; you won't find me taking offense. Ingrained cultural manners are a bitch to hold back."

"Careful, they're the only manners he's got," Steve warns, already heading for one of the chairs. 

"Ignore him. I'm house-trained," Bucky assures her. Taking his hand back, he hikes a thumb over his shoulder, needing something to stall with. "You sure you don't want someone to give your door a few clear coats? It'd be a shame to see all that work chip off."

Ava waves dismissively. "We redo it a lot; it's a relaxation project around here. It'll look different pretty soon." She points toward the glass wall separating the two halves of the office. "I've got the rest of the team working on a project to give us some space, but I can bring them in for a minute if you'd like to meet them?"

"I'm... I'm alright for now, thanks. I can meet them—whenever."

She doesn't insist further or comment on the blatant nerves in his voice. Her hand waves at the arranged chairs as she moves to sit in one. "Take your pick of the lineup, then. Typically I'd offer to take you to the corner of the roof that we've claimed for ourselves as an alternative. But, I need to keep you in environmental controls for sanitation, at least for the initial visit."

Bucky nods a few times as he sits in the one next to Steve's. His ass sinks nearly a foot into nothing but pillows, and his spine goes rigid. "Here's fine." 

He'd have said no anyways, not that he'll mention that. Too many open sight lines with his anxiety on edge. He'll be revisiting the roof before his next appointment to familiarize himself, though, that's for sure. His last trip up there was long before she was even hired. The mental image of bead strings and tye-dye throw blankets on patio furniture flits through his head. If she decorates the same way everywhere, he's guessing it won't be all that hard to find the space. 

Ava pulls up a tablet from the coffee table to rest in the middle of her folded legs. He's guessing she's into yoga in her spare time. One of her eyebrows arches at them in amusement. "You know, I've never actually seen someone fill one of these before now." 

"The benefits of dosed living," Steve quips, his tone a little too positive. It makes Bucky's foot start to bounce silently against the floor on instinct.

If she notices, the doctor doesn't mention it as she focuses on Bucky. "Steve tells me you prefer when doctors keep things direct with you."

Bucky shifts his eyes over to the man in question, who busies himself with one of the pillows, picking at the hanging fringe. Fucker's going to be hearing about this later, that's for damn sure. 

He looks back at Ava. Time to get it over with, he encourages himself. "Yeah, if you don't mind."

"Not at all. I know Steve's already told you, but I want you to hear it from my mouth. I have The Soldier's activation memorized."

He can't stop the gut instinct to swallow over hearing the words, but he nods. "I'm okay with it."

"It's not in any of my notes; it never will be. My team understands that there is a specific trigger in place; they need to in order to do their job. But they have no indication of what it is. I'll never write the words out or speak them where they can be picked up. Steve helped me with the pronunciation and the order when he first gave me your records, but you have my word that I won't be repeating them."

"You should," Bucky insists immediately. "If anything happens, you should, and you shouldn't hesitate about it."

"She knows, Buck," Steve assures him with a murmur. "I took her through the worst case drill. She's got a panic button on her."

"Steve tells me that my reaction time is fast enough for working on your case safely." Ava's head tilts to the side slightly. "Your comfort is the priority here. We can always run through a silent drill together if you'd like the reassurance."

He thinks about it. Honest to god, he lets himself sit in the idea of putting Steve's training to the test for more than a few moments. Neither of them push him for an answer. "I might take you up on that at some point."

She nods, the hair hanging closest to her face bouncing slightly. "Whenever you want. That offer is permanent. I'm taking this case on because I want to help undo what's been done; I'm not here to let it be continued, not even in research." Her eyes shift to Steve, with a bitter defiance building in them. "I trust that'll be clarified to the director if our work here ever reaches his ears, captain."

Steve nods, finally looking up from where he's moved on to picking at the pillow's stitches. "There's no more mud in that water. Fury understands how far over the line we went."

Ava doesn't look convinced in the least. Bucky doesn't blame her, not with the scattered memories of his role in all of it sitting in his head. When she looks back at him, the distrust leaves her eyes. "I'd like to get a better idea of what we'll be working with. I know that's probably going to be one of the most difficult parts of this, so we can try to get through it now if you'd like. Or we can wait until you're feeling more comfortable. It's entirely up to you."

Shifting slightly to straighten out his shoulders, Bucky nods. "I'm ready now."

It's an outright lie, but that doesn't really matter anymore. There's never going to be a time when he is ready. He still needs to do this.

"I'm going to need to adjust your head a few times today," she tells him with a relaxed, melodic tone as she stands up. She lifts a black briefcase from the coffee table and brings it over to rest on the arm of his chair, where he can easily see it being handled. "Is there anywhere you'd prefer me putting my hands? Or anywhere specific you want me to avoid?"

Bucky sees Steve shift his head slightly in his peripheral and wants to roll his eyes. Asshole. He'd have made a joke at the most; he wouldn't have been insulted. Probably. "I can't think of anywhere to steer you away from. You're good to do whatever you need to do."

She doesn't take him into the other section of the room like he thought she would. She doesn't even make him stand back up. All it takes to get the nightmare he's been dreading for years started is Ava pulling a wired, plastic wreath from the briefcase to put over the top of his head. She doesn't push a cold faceplate over his eye and against his temples; no bite guard gets shoved in his mouth. There's no frigid metal probing into the top of his neck to make his teeth buzz until he wants to rip them out of his jaw. The air around him isn't humid and suffocating like it was in that bunker. He can't hear the hum of electric coils or the squeak of leather boots on linoleum. 

He's not in Siberia. He's in New York. This isn't a HYDRA agent strapping him down. This is a hippie, who definitely smoked pot this morning, putting a sensor on his head that barely has any weight. 

"Here, hold this for me," she tells him from behind his chair, offering her tablet over his shoulder. He takes it silently, bringing it to rest in both hands. A digital scan of his brain is already being mapped out on the screen. It's the first time he's seen the anchor that wraps around his brainstem since the X-rays HYDRA used to leave up like trophies. "We can get a look at this thing together."

Bucky takes a deep breath in. It's… not a pretty sight. Whatever they put in him isn't registering in the bright blue lights of the rest of his brain. They're all dark spots, primarily lines branching out from the anchor that might as well be a black hole. 

"You see that?" Ava leans forward to run her nail up the path of one of the lines. It starts at the anchor, and it's attached to another point further up, but that junction is the source of even more lines that go all over. There's a fucking mechanical spider web in his brain. "That's your motor cortex, and those links are tethered to your arm, starting there. That—the one right there—is what's making your cybernetics work."

"What's the rest of it?" There's a fucking lot of it, whatever it is. A lot more than he remembers being put in. 

"Considering the intent of the Nazis that had you, the end goal was probably total control." Her finger moves, tapping several things that look way too fucking important as she keeps talking. "All of those there are connected to your essential functions: breathing, heart rate, consciousness. From there, they branched out into trying for control over your limbs. Jesus." She leans further over his shoulder and pinches at the screen to zoom in. "It looks like they were already building into your entire cognitive process."

"What does that mean?" Steve asks, worry rising in his tone. 

"It means they were reckless on top of being cruel. And fucking stupid—pardon my French."

"You're talking to soldiers, doc," Bucky reminds her quietly, his brows drawn in as his eyes trace the black spots in his grey matter. 

"Right. In that case, fuck every last one of them and the horses they rode... into whichever circle of hell they're burning in, I guess." Bucky's lips twitch slightly as she zooms back out. "They were venturing into parts of the brain that haven't been studied enough for human testing, even by today's standards. Blindly poking just to see what worked; my guess is because they knew that you could survive it. You see that big scary thing under your hippocampus?"

Bucky nods as she taps at the anchor. "Yeah. Yeah, that was… that was the first part. That got put in, I mean." He clears his throat when it starts to scratch. "I'm. I'm pretty sure it was the first part." 

"Do you want to know why you don't feel sure?" she asks gently. Her voice has dropped to something much softer. It makes him sit back in the overly comfortable chair incrementally. 

"Yeah," he tells her quietly, honestly. He wouldn't have a year ago. 

Ava circles her finger around the center of his brain, where one of the more prominent lines from the anchor holds several thinner, black branches. "That's your limbic system. It controls emotion, memory, behavioral habits, that kind of thing. They fried it at some point trying to get to your memories, I assume. My team has the photograph from your HYDRA file, the one with the X-ray from your initial brain surgery. I've studied it with my own eyes. That serum in your bloodstream is the only thing that brought you back from being a vegetable. The salvaged notes from the initial facility they kept you in mention months of unresponsiveness and varying levels of brain activity. 

"There's a reason you can't remember who you were then, Bucky. They wiped you clean because they knew you, out of all their test subjects, could recover from it. There wasn't enough left of your mind to hold memories, much less any kind of higher will." He hears her clothes shuffle behind him and sees Steve turn his head to look back at her from the corner of his eye. "I'm more than willing to testify to that in any court on Earth, captain. So we're clear."

"Understood," Steve replies, his voice thick. "I appreciate that."

Fuck, so does Bucky. Too bad he can't get his throat to open back up at the moment. 

"Now, let's talk about the hard part." He hears Ava sigh. "From what I can see, there's no way we can remove any of this. Not by any standard that I'm willing to entertain, at least."

Bucky shakes his head and tries clearing his throat again. It doesn't feel anywhere near as successful this time around. "That's fine. I don't—I don't think I'd… I wouldn't be ready for that. I just want to know it's not…."

"Capable of being controlled remotely?" she offers when he trails off. 

"Yeah. Aside from the code. I don't—that's not a problem. They're dead. Anyone else that had it, I mean." Christ, his foot's going to bounce straight out of his boot, right through the leather. 

"I can't make any kind of assurances at this stage when it comes to that. But you have my word that it will be my team's primary focus." Her hand pulls back, and he feels four of her fingertips lightly rest on his shoulder. "I'd prefer to check that connection point they left over your spinal cord before you leave today, but the rest of what we need for diagnostics can wait until another time."

Bucky pulls in a heavy breath through his nose. "Yeah. I'm ready to do that."

"I need to get a few things for it and check in with my team." She taps at the side of the wreath lightly. "You don't have to keep looking at the scan, but you should leave this on while I'm gone so we can get some basic readings."

"You're the boss, doc." He tries not to make it look like he's in a hurry to get the thing out of his hand when he dumps the tablet on his leg. 

"I'll be back in just a bit," she tells them, calmly shuffling off into the other half of the office. The glass door hisses loudly as she goes through it, confirming it's a sterile lab. The wall frosts over shortly after with the privacy screen activating.

Neither of them says a word for the first few minutes.

"Well," Steve finally offers up, his voice still as thick as when he thanked the doctor. "There's the confirmation you've been waiting for."

"That's not what that was—"

"Alright, you know what? Fuck you very much, Buck—"

"Fuck me? Fuck me? Yeah, I guess that's how it works now, what with you making alll the fucking calls—"

Steve's finger comes sailing into his face. "This affects more than just—" He stops with a short, muted groan and yanks his hand back to shove through his hair. After a moment, he lets it fall to his thigh in a clenched fist. "You want to sit here blaming yourself for it all, fine. I've got no right to tell you to stop when I'm still doing the exact same thing. But I'm pulling you through this whether," his voice goes high and mocking as he turns to glare a hole into the side of Bucky's head, "yooou like it or not. I let you fall once; I'm not fucking doing it again, asshole."

Bucky stares down a lava lamp sitting on the coffee table for a long, silent moment, his face pinched. He counts the number of wiggling blobs floating from the top to the bottom. He takes in their shared color and picks as close to a stupid paint name for it as possible. One by one, his photographic memory goes down the list of stupid colors from that stupid swatch wall at the stupid art supply store that Steve takes him to when he can't sleep at three in fucking the morning. He decides on fuchsia because it sounds extra stupid. There're twelve in total, they're fuchsia, and his best friend is as stupid as the name of their color.

The anger eventually eases up. "You're the asshole."

Steve sits back in his chair with a sigh. "Love you, too."

It takes a long minute of grinding his teeth for Bucky to force out the question that won't stop echoing in his head. "She doesn't know about the others?"

"She knows there were other attempts, but no, I didn't tell her any of them were successful. I left my notes in her file on what's been held back from her, along with the things she knows that her team doesn't. You can tell her whatever you want; that's up to you. I really think you should read through all of their files."

"Yeah?" Bucky snaps mockingly. "I really think you should kiss my ass."

Steve reaches out to grab one of the magazines from a stack on the coffee table. His posture is resigned and absolutely screaming I know better than you right now, idiot. "You should grow the fuck up."

—

There's no way the notes from HYDRA cover all his surgeries, not with this much framework built up inside his brain.

Steve warned her to expect something like this. The bastards passed Bucky around like a science experiment over the decades. Whenever a station was compromised, all of its records were destroyed to safeguard HYDRA's critical secrets, the work and confirmed existence of the Winter Soldier being one of them. Only a handful were raided by SHEILD efficiently enough to prevent further loss of his medical history. What remains is the scattered works of solitary minds spanned across decades. 

In Ava's opinion, not one of those minds should have been granted the mercy of seeing daylight again after their senseless, abhorrent, despicable crimes against the sergeant. Never in her life has she been a violent woman, but given a blunt object and five minutes with the lot of them, she'd have been very tempted to rebalance nature with ruthless gusto. 

A hand nudges at her arm, pulling her from her distraction with a quick inhale. "Sorry, repeat that?"

Wyatt's eyebrows pull in sympathetically. "Y'can hand this part off to one of us, boss."

"You can hand it off to him," Hannah interrupts briskly, her eyes never moving from where they're pressed against a microscope. 

"Y'can hand it off to me," Wyatt rapidly corrects with a warm smile. He drums his stylus against his arm and leans against the lab's center console. The movable hologram program Tony gifted them is already building detail into one of the darkest acts in human history. Right there, in front of one of the most gentle souls Ava's ever met. The contrast makes her stomach drop. "I mean it; y'know me, I got a real sweet touch. Betch'a the sergeant wouldn't even know I'd been there til it was over."

"Don't make me say it, Combs." Hannah almost sounds bored. The former marine is in a good mood today.

Wyatt doesn't even bother with throwing a quip back at her. He's usually wise enough to know when he's in a losing battle. Reaching out, he gives Ava's shoulder a supportive bump. "You said so yourself; he's alright with meetin' us."

Ava shakes her head, bringing her hand up to rub at the bridge of her nose. Her eyes are stinging hard enough to make them water. She shouldn't have pulled an all-nighter before this; it definitely isn't helping her frustration. "He's okay with it; that doesn't mean he's ready for it. You should see the way he's practically vibrating in that chair. There's not one part of this he isn't forcing himself through. I want to try to limit contact until he feels like he's in control of the space around him."

"That won't take long," Hannah comments quietly, reaching for another slide. "There are certain habits infiltrators don't lose."

"Speakin' from your own experience on that one?" Wyatt asks, curiosity creeping into his tone. Their eternal beacon of southern sunshine has yet to give up chasing details about her, unlike everyone else who visits their little medical corner. 

"Infiltrator is not the classification I would have given myself. I was never very subtle in my old line of work."

"Yeah, 'cause subtle's definitely the word I'd pick for your blunt ass now." Wyatt rolls his eyes and extends his hand to rapidly spin the projection of Bucky's brain with the flick of a stubby finger. "Either'a you looked at these trenches much yet? There's different cablin' in every major section. None of it's got a set standard, far as I can tell."

"I don't think he ever had the same doctor for more than two surgeries." Ava leans heavily against the console with a sigh, trying not to let herself venture into the mindset of a terrified soldier. She has to stay detached, or this will eat her alive before they're even halfway done. The enlarged hologram already hurts to look at in more ways than one. "Steve confirmed that HYDRA intermittently lost sections of his records through the years. All of this could be fractured by the decades; we won't know until Paige starts getting a read on the programming behind that main port."

"How do you want us to handle data transfer?" Hannah asks.

"Let's keep this off our internal server as much as we can help it. Tony sectioned off a virtual instance that we can burn when needed, but the only time you should be using that is for his scans. Put everything else on an isolated hard copy here in the lab, wherever you can do it without hindering the work. I want the equipment analysis kept as off-record as possible. I don't want this being recreated. By anyone."

"Definitely agreein' with you on that one, boss." Wyatt pokes his finger into the projection's left frontal lobe, halting its slowing spin. "I know we said extraction ain't the goal here, but I'm gonna be runnin' some sims on that when I've got the time. I don't like the idea of leavin' any'a this shit in, even if we do get it identified and nuked."

Ava nods and reaches up to give his shoulder a warm squeeze. "Let me know what initial paths you route; we can build from there. I doubt he'll be ready for any extensive work for years to come, but the least we can do is present him with some options." She takes a deep breath through her nose as she looks over the port connection on the hologram. "Alright, I'll be back after I finish his consultation."

"Good luck, boss," Wyatt encourages with a smile. "Tell the sergeant we said hi."

She waves her hand over her shoulder with a hum and braces herself to face her latest patient again. 

The sergeant himself is sitting just as stiffly as he was when she left, but the captain has moved on to relaxing with a magazine in his hands. They both look up at the sound of the door opening, with a laid-back smile on Steve's face and a forced one on Bucky's. She almost wants to tell him that he doesn't have to make an attempt. 

"Sorry for the wait; needed a quick check-in with the brain trust." And to not want to throw something heavy through Tony's fancy glass walls. "They wanted me to pass along their hello's. Dr. Combs, in particular, is very excited to meet you."

Bucky huffs a silent laugh through his nose as she returns to stand at the side of his chair. She doesn't try to move behind him for the moment. "Yeah, I'm sure I'm real—"

"Buck," Steve cuts in softly with a side eye in his best friend's direction.

"Fascinating?" Bucky's eyes lift to Ava's at her teasing guess, and his responding nod is sheepish. She smiles at the attempted manners. "Your case is as interesting as it is horrific, that's for sure. Lucky for you, we're a morbid bunch, so you can go for the gallows humor whenever you want." She taps at Bucky's arm with the pad of her index finger, trying to warm him up to repeat physical contact. "However, I'm pretty sure Wyatt is looking forward to asking for your autograph above everything."

The sergeant's eyebrows rocket toward his hairline. "What's he looking for? Love, The Winter Soldier?"

"Bucky." Steve doesn't even look over this time; he just drops one side of the magazine to pinch the bridge of his nose. 

The sight of an exasperated Captain America sitting in her office makes Ava snort loudly. She doesn't miss the way it makes Bucky's lips raise at the corners. "He comes from a long line of history buffs who believe accurate preservation is the best tool to prevent it from repeating. The guy grew up with battle models and field testimonials from every major war. I'm guessing he had some Howling Commando envy as a kid, though he won't own up to that on his end."

"He knows I was one of them for all of five minutes, right?"

"None of us were Howlies for long," Steve forcefully insists, one foot coming over to kick Buckys. "But that doesn't change the good we did while we were."

"It also won't stop him from chewing your ear off about it if you let him." Ava crosses her arms over her chest in amusement. "My advice is to stop him early. Definitely before he starts asking what you remember about the maps. You've got a real Milo Thatch working on your brain now." Bucky looks up at her in confusion. "Haven't gotten around to Disney movies yet? Milo's a character from Atlantis, one of my personal favorites. He and Wyatt share a certain level of academic excitement."

"I'll add it to the watch list." A small smile comes up, making her wonder what his cheeks look like when he really lets it go. "And keep the point of no return in mind."

She stops herself from gushing about the beauty of the art behind the movie, wanting to honor his headfirst approach. "You ready to get the last part of today's visit over with?"

His shoulders rise with another resigned intake, making her want to be ferociously violent toward the closest available Nazi. "I'm ready when you are, doc."

"My go-to hardware specialist built a prototype connector based on the scans Tony got during your initial intake. It's only the first iteration for the sake of data extraction, so be sure to speak up if anything feels off. Anything at all, even if it's just minor discomfort. She can work on changing it for the next build. I'm sure Steve can attest to Paige's efficiency at her job by now."

The slightest hint of a blush comes over the captain's cheeks at the teasing mention of his numerous visits to the engineering department. "Ms. Findley—"

"Does she ask you to call her that?" Bucky jumps on his best friend with immediately. Ava would feel bad about chumming the waters, but the banter is making him relax against the chair. 

Steve shuts his mouth momentarily. The blush gets a shade darker before he opens it again. "Paige is a very dedicated worker. And a lovely conversationalist. How do you two know each other? Through Tony?"

Now Ava really does feel bad. She puts a hand on her hip and tries to keep her smile from growing. "No, I'm the one who introduced them. She's been my best friend for about fifteen years now."

Steve freezes, and Bucky's grin takes over the lower half of his face. The sergeant sits all the way back, with shoulders that are perfectly at ease. "Oh, good. If I think of anything later, I can just have Stevie drop it off for me. I'd hate to forget between appointments."

Ava pulls the wireless reader and its port connector from the briefcase on Bucky's chair. She steps up behind him and tries not to let her eyes linger on how his smile lights up his face or how it warms her chest to see. Her free hand comes to rest on his left shoulder, leaving the exit door in his right peripherals. "This shouldn't take more than a few minutes at most. Ready?"

"Hit me." It almost doesn't sound forced. 

She lifts his hair and runs her thumb over the port once to brace him for the new sensations before lining up the connector. As she'd explicitly requested of Paige, the mechanism doesn't snap into place when she locks it in, meaning there's no responding vibration to move through his skull. The notes from Bucky's therapist that were passed along didn't mention it, but they hardly mention anything at all. There's a lot he's holding back, there has to be, and she's been trying to preempt as much of it as she can. 

Bucky's nails dig into the arm of the chair, and he inhales sharply. After a moment, his fingers start to relax one by one. Ava watches them all, her eyes moving between his hands and neck repeatedly, while the reader begins its data harvest. She gives him long enough to get a few steady breaths in. 

"Have you started any animated movie binges?" she prods, wanting to stall for time to get a closer look at his implant. With him letting her hold up his hair like this, it might be her only chance for the foreseeable future. 

"Sam's gotten me to sit through a few of his picks," he replies tensely. 

"Mmm. I'm guessing Mister Feathers is a Pixar fan." 

"I know that's an animation studio, but that's the extent of my expertise on the subject. Are they the ones who made Lilo and Stitch?"

"He did not make you watch that one first."

"He did, but that's technically not my first animated movie. We had them back in the 30s, you know."

"Some of us still call it animation's golden age," Steve mutters in the most crotchety old artist fashion, his eyes back on the magazine in his lap.

"Take a look around this room, Rogers," Ava sasses. "Do I look like someone who'd argue with you about its significance?"

"Point taken." 

Her eyebrows pull in while she looks over just how much of Bucky's spinal cord is exposed to outside influence. She knows how far the port runs thanks to the scans, but now she's getting an eyeful of movable hatching and flesh that will never get the proper chance to heal. 

"How are you handling the daily care of this?" she asks, running her finger around one edge of the port.

"I do it," Bucky tells her simply.

Her eyes lock on the back of his head in disbelief. "You do… what, exactly?"

"I've got a morning routine for it. Clear the excess buildup, sterilize the whole area, work the skin, that kind of thing."

"You understand that this has direct access to your brainstem, right?"

"I know." He shifts his weight in the chair. "I'm careful."

"I have several medical degrees, one of which is entirely focused on the human brain, and even I would hesitate to approach this on my own body. If anything that can give you so much as a hundred-degree fever touches this, you're dead, Bucky." She lets the hand not holding up his hair come to rest on his shoulder. "I'm not trying to scare you with this, but as your doctor, I need to make sure you understand the severity here. I don't want you doing this yourself anymore; I want you to come to my office for it."

"That's not necessary—"

"What time do you want him here in the mornings?" Steve asks, ignoring Bucky entirely. 

"I don't need to come here in the mornings—"

"It doesn't have to be every morning," Ava offers, wanting to give him a compromise. She's definitely not letting him go back to doing it himself. "I can set up a stable cleaning routine every other day whenever you have the time to come in."

"I have it handled, really—"

"I wouldn't push it past three days, though."

"Every other morning," Steve agrees. "That's perfect. JARVIS can keep an eye on the schedules for him."

"I've got working fucking eyeballs," Bucky almost shouts, making Ava and Steve finally let up. 

She squeezes her hand on his shoulder, half in apology, half in sympathy. "Yes, you do. But they happen to be in the front of your head. My eyes can see the back of your neck without a mirror, and they've got a decade's worth of disgustingly thorough medical training behind them. You came here because you're ready for this to get done. Now you actually have to let me do it."

Bucky lifts a hand as if he's about to argue but then lowers it with a soft sigh. "Yeah... yeah, alright. But I'm not always going to be here in the mornings—"

"She said it doesn't have to be the mornings," Steve cuts in again.

"You know what I mean, jackass. I'm not always going to be here consistently. I have, you know, a job that you try to boss me around on—"

"We can make sure you've got a trained medic to help—"

"No, Grant."

The words are said softly, and it takes a moment for Ava to even remember that it's the captain's middle name, but something happens in the wake of them. Steve's relentless push stops on a dime, and the fight leaves Bucky's shoulders. The two of them relax marginally, and Steve nods once. "Okay. So, we establish the routine here. Get it ironed out; get you practiced with it. Then I'll clear you for doing it yourself on missions. But if you miss even one while you're here, so help me—"

"I got it, I got it."

Steve watches Bucky with a tightly held expression for another long moment. Then he looks up at Ava with a nod. "He'll be here, and I'll make sure he's not cleared for another mission until you two have a stable routine for taking care of this."

Ava gives Bucky's shoulder another light squeeze. "I promise it'll be quick every time. I'll work with Paige on making you a field kit. In the long run, this shouldn't interrupt your normal day-to-day much at all."

"Appreciate the effort, doc." Bucky gives a soft grunt. "Sorry for the. Y'know. Pushback."

"I think the world owes you a little more than patience as backpay, Sergeant. I'm happy to help where I can."

—

Febuary 19th 2018

"I can handle it if you want me to."

"No. No, I... I can do it."

"You're sure?"

"You think I can't?"

"I think you look like you're about to throw up on my shoes."

"I don't like the idea of... starting off like that."

"That's why I'm offering to do it."

"No. It should be me. There are things you won't be able to explain."

"You can always fill in the blanks when she shows up for Soldat training."

"What a great alternative first impression! Hello, ma'am, not only am I a complete jackass, but I also delegate my role as—"

"You're not delegating; you're assigning the right person to the job. And this takes away the need for you to be a jackass."

"Leaving you to be a confrontational bitch in someone's eyes?"

"What's the issue there?"

"That's not what you are, Nat."

"Says who?"

Steve reaches out to smack the side of her arm. "That's one of my closest friends you're ragging on."

"She can take it." Natasha looks over at him, a bored hike to one brow. "Let's stay focused on what the doctor can take. This won't be like the therapists. We can't put him through multiple doctors on this. We'll only get one or two tries before he draws the hard limit."

He nods, turning his eyes back to the closed elevator doors. "Right. Right, it's for a good reason. I can do it."

"You don't have to. I can handle it."

"I know. But it should be me." He knocks the side of his boot against hers. "Thank you."

"Always. Let me know how it goes."

Natasha's off the elevator before the doors are even finished opening, leaving Steve to collect himself alone. He pushes off the back railing with a heavy sigh. No part of this is going to be easy to stomach. He's accepted that. He exits the elevator with a resigned set to his shoulders.

The medical wing is dark this late into the day. JARVIS already confirmed that the doctor is still in the building. From the AI's reports, she pulls late nights like this regularly. It bodes well for what he'll have to ask of her and her team.

He stops to admire the heavy paint on the outside of the lab's door. There's days worth of work here, clearly a labor of love. It takes until he's admiring the fourth flower of his perusal to notice that it's not all the same artist. He scans it a bit quicker after that, trying to take a guess as to how many different hands took part. His best guess is four.

Accepting that he's been inadvertently stalling, Steve pushes it open roughly. He probably should have expected the onslaught of color in the room from seeing the door. It still hits him hard enough to make him do a double-take through his exaggerated annoyance. The doctor sitting on the other side of a very large desk nearly jumps out of her chair.

"Christ Al-fucking-mighty," she swears, one hand coming up to brace against her chest. Steve gets nailed with a furious glare. "Knock much?"

Well, that's one test passed. "Are you Dr. Ryder?"

"I am. Who the hell wants to—oh." Recognition dawns on her face as Steve gets close enough to be illuminated by her desk light. The fury in her shifts toward indignance. "I happen to hold a lot of respect for you, at least during normal business hours. So, I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt here and let you have a moment to explain yourself, captain."

He almost starts with an apology, but he catches himself in time. "I've been told you're one of the best neurosurgeons we're in contact with—"

"No, you've been told I am the best." She crosses her arms over her chest and leans back in her chair. Her head inclines toward him. "You can continue."

Steve's reservations about her being able to handle Bucky are leaving rapidly. It almost makes him smile. He holds it together with his best captain voice. "I need your expertise on a consultation. A private consultation. Completely off SHEILD books."

"Am I being roped into the organization's second overhaul?" There's bitterness lingering in her tone. The kind Steve remembers feeling on his own end for months leading up to Fury's near-assassination.

"No. When I say private, I mean private. This isn't under SHIELD purview. I'll be expecting discretion if you think you're up to the case, so we're clear."

The doctor's eyebrows sail up, and her head moves back far enough to hit her chair. "I'll be expecting you to hand over some details before I agree to a damn thing. As a follow-up, you can provide me with an explanation as to why this needed to be done an hour before midnight, with no forewarning and definitely no respect. Otherwise, you can turn your happy ass back around and go find the other neurosurgeons you didn't feel like harassing first."

Damn. He really should have gotten Natasha to do this; she's faster with proper comebacks. "You'll be given information as you need to know it. First, I need to make sure that—"

"First, you can fuck off." Her head shifts to one side as he pauses. "I don't respond well to authority, captain. I'm sure whatever's going on is very important if it's got America's Sweetheart making an ass of himself in the middle of my office on a Monday night. But that's not really my problem. It could be, were I given a reason to care about it."

"Does rectifying war crimes warrant your valuable attention, doctor?" The words feel awful leaving his mouth; she doesn't deserve to get barked at like this. But he needs an honest indication of how she'll react to a bad day.

Ava watches him with a slightly open mouth for more than a few tense moments. Then recognition dawns for a second time, and her eyes roll dramatically. "Oh, for god's sweet sake. You could have just asked if I have experience with PTSD patients. Hell, you were clearly sent by Tony, and I met the man at a veteran's benefit, so you could have asked him. Barnes' presence on the Avenger's roster isn't exactly a secret these days."

Steve holds himself still, then shifts his weight to one foot. "You met at a veteran's benefit?"

She nods slowly, with a bit of mockery behind the motion. "Yes. Almost a decade ago. He funds most of my work with the VA."

That hadn't been included in her resume. He didn't want to invade her privacy by pulling her file until she agreed to it. Steve feels heat rise to his cheeks. Then the anger starts to surface. "You know, I'm not one hundred percent sure I was supposed to know that."

"You think?" The words are bone dry, and her posture is still defensive, but there's a smile working its way up from the corners of her lips.

"Look, I...." Steve raises a hand to the back of his neck sheepishly. "I apologize. I promise it's not about doubting your professionalism—"

"It's about protecting family, yeah, I get it." Her arms don't unfold from her chest. But her eyebrows do come back down.

"He's very important to me. I want to make sure he's in good hands, that's all."

"Well?"

Steve's brows draw in. "I wasn't trying to dump the case on you right now—"

"No, idiot." Her eyes roll again, with much less aggression. "I'm asking if I passed."

"Oh." He nods, his cheeks still feeling far too hot. "With flying colors, so far. There's still a lot more to cover before we get Bucky involved, but. Yes, ma'am. I think you'll handle him just fine."

With a sigh, her arms finally lower. She extends a hand out in his direction. "Ava Ryder. It's very nice to meet you, Captain Rogers."

He takes her hand with a firm shake, inclining his head apologetically. "It's very nice to meet you, as well, doctor. You can call me Steve."

"You can call me Ava. So can James whenever I'm finally graced with his presence."

Yeah. She'll do just fine. "He prefers Bucky. And I'm sure he'll provide you with a much more agreeable first impression. All that can wait until you don't look like you're going to fall asleep on your keyboard, though.

Ava smiles warmly at him, falling back against her chair as she takes back her hand. "I'm looking forward to it. You can send me the details on the case at a reasonable hour to make up for scaring the shit out of me."

"Yes, ma'am." He tips his head respectfully, already backing up from her desk. "Sorry for the scare. And for being so disrespectful. He really is—"

"Important to you." She waves her hand dismissively before reaching up to push at her glasses. "I get it, don't worry. I'd be twice as much of a wreck in your shoes. You're doing fine."

Sometimes, on the rarest of occasions, there are benefits to having the worst moments of his life in the history books. "I appreciate that, thank you. You have a good rest of your night, ma'am. I'll send—I'll have JARVIS send you his file—"

"Captain Rogers is unaware of how to forward SHEILD files, doctor," the AI cuts in gleefully.

"I had my suspicions, JARVIS; thanks." She waves her hand again, this time in goodbye, as she looks back at her computer screen. "Please don't trip on my carpet and bust your ass on the way out of my office."

Steve pointedly turns on his heel, glad for the excuse to hide his burning face. He all but races to the door. "I'll be in contact, doc."

"Mhmm."

When he pulls open the painted door, he's almost unsurprised to find Natasha leaning against the other side of the hallway. She doesn't move at all, but one side of her mouth lifts in a smirk.

Steve lets the door shut softly behind him before cocking his head to the side. "Very cute. You two in on it together?"

"No, but sniffing out Tony's bait didn't take long. You'd have noticed, too, if you weren't so far up Bucky's ass." Her head tilts in the opposite direction as his. "Feel better?"

He straightens up with a nod. The motion feels confident. "Much."

—author's end notes, yoinked straight from ao3—

“what’s paige like?” well. to put it simply. she is every last ounce of karma that steve has earned by lovingly terrorizing his best friend 😌

i feel like the overall theme got covered enough with this to tell if the plot is for you or not. flirting starts next, but isn't super blatant until chap 4. i am in zero rush and will have no problem with dedicating an entire chap to cuddling tbh, this is a comfort project im in for the long haul. check back later for * to get full smut taste, current (possibly changing) map has it in chap 9. OR you can check back for kinktober, i have all 31 days outlined for these idiots. i need starfield to be good so i can do smut for that too, bethesda pls

keep in mind this will get sci-fi weird at times, and loosely ref/revolve around greek myth tropes bc iiiii like ‘em ❤️ im a fandom ancient who takes no issue with cleaning out the dickhead comments 😌 also i might edit shit. im still not clear on what ao3 will email about a bookmark (god willing its not edits that dont include a new chapter) but just in case i figured id warn for anyone who doesn't want email spam

im gonna try to keep ava and paige as vague as possible, aside from a few scattered physical details so i have SOMETHING to write. my favorite bucky fic in existence is a reader!fic (safe with me is Ungodly levels of good, and i dont just say that as a fellow west wing addict. i constantly forget that his apartment in it isn't actually canon and there're no m&ms hiding for eternity somewhere) so you wont get any judgment from me on replacing both of them right down to their names, that’s how im writing them!! it just feels unfair to tag it a reader fic with them being given SUCH a heavy “presence" i guess

main pov's (the undated ones) will always flip between bucky and ava. the dated ones are other characters pov's OOOOOOR its a flashback in which case it could be the two of them, but ill always try to make it clear whose headspace is focused up front, so i dont think ive set up a hurdle there

thanks for reading ❤️ i love and appreciate feedback immensely ❤️ feeds the brain chemicals 😌 no worries abt spoilers, i feel like anyone looking there knows what theyre risking lmao

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes fic #chapter update #man the way thats going to be the extend of effort i have when it comes to promoing this damn thing #truly astonishing how little fandom energy i have lmao #i sure as shit aint taggin the other ones with anything but my sorting tags lmao #i do not have the Energy #good space

[locusbewitched]

date recorded for this log- 10/2/22 

i have begun to perceive the auric field of others in another strange and wildly bizarre way. through song. some songs i know and am familiar with. some i have never heard. some that are not songs at all but mere noise category to their internal persona. i have no idea how to explain it. but i will find a way. i was out in public today and got a lot of readings, but my phone was dead so i could not record them and could not find my notebook to write them in. the sad part following this ability, is the loss of memory.. its fitting thered be some sort of thing in the way, though it doesnt bother me. one day i will work through it. regardless i did not log hardly any auras from my time there. i remember mentioning them all to my sister,((as if i find i cannot write them down or record them, i say them aloud to either her or myself. so maybe they are preserved longer. and able to be recorded later in the day. though this method doesnt usually work. it has saved some of them.))regardless, id begun to be hearing songs and noise from my sister when standing closely to her and it beading into my own auric field.. i mentioned it to her. she had a look of disgust on her face as she surveyed a book shed seen and disliked heavily. “you sound like christmas music” i said, though i cant remember what song id mentioned, it may have been last christmas.. deck the halls.. no idea. she looked at me and said “yeah thats cause i hate christmas music, and i hate this book.” this is the only thing i remember cause immediately after, we left and spoke instead of this strange ability regarding the different music i am hearing so suddenly. i feel its been happening alot lately, but i am never forward thinking enough to write it down in the moment.. ugh. regardless, shes the only one that knows of my aura reading through taste and smell, shes known for years now. ((or so i recall)) her and some of my friends, ((if they even remember)) but not really anyone else. its not really important to me people around me know. they dont really understand anyway.. maybe ill tell more people one day, but i just dont see the needance to share it. this log book is enough i think. i dont imagine an ability like this is important to anyone else besides me haha. especially since it is so subjectively experienced by myself..

#an interesting way in which these things are playing out.. #i am not sad about this #we all have our internal minds to keep us company in our subjective experiences #its reassuring really #alaynas pocket of importance #aura logbook psa

[reidsnose]

happy campers

overview: the bau goes on a team building camping trip but reader and spencer spend most of their time together

genre: fluff

a/n: ive been kicking myself for not posting in forever but i think this one is pretty cute! please lmk what yall think :)

masterlist

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the stuffy, eight person suv finally rolled to a stop, the overgrown children that call themselves the bau tumbling out as quickly and gracelessly as possible. Morgan and Reid nearing the end of a 2 and a half minute long slap fight that you happened to be caught directly in the middle of. you looked at jj, pleading to make them stop with her mom powers.

"boys behave or ill ground you both," she sighed, going to help out with taking things out of the trunk.

they immediately stopped, muttering under their breath that the other one started it. but before they could start again, Spencer caught a glance at you. you were taking a deep breath, smiling contently, very clearly happy to get some fresh, forest air. despite being in direct sunlight, your smile was far brighter than anything he'd seen in his whole life.

before he knew it he was being snapped out of his daze and asked to help set up the tents. he was really hoping to have a chance to share a tent with you, like you sometimes had done on cases when hotel rooms were scarce. but he knew that almost everyone wanted a spot in your tent because you're that much fun to be around. Penelope would win, obviously, and he would be paired up with morgan again.

he let out a sigh as he finished up pitching one of the tents, pulling the corner and nailing it into the ground. as he did so, something caught his eye: a pink, round, fat little worm crawled out of the dirt.

his attention was now fully on the worm, ecstatic to see it because he had been reading up on worms for a while. he called morgan and hotch over since they were the closest to him, rambling excitedly all hes learned about them so far. he looked up and could see the disinterest behind their polite smiles. his own smile faltered for a second, until he saw you finishing up pitching a tent.

"im gonna go show y/n. shes gonna love this!" spencer giggled, already walking towards you.

"hey kid i dont know if she-" morgan began.

"reid she might not-" hotch started as well.

but he had already reached you, sticking out his hand and revealing the worm. hotch and morgan looked at each other worriedly, concerned that the tiniest rejection from you, even about something as small as a worm, would tear his heart to pieces.

their faces changed from worry to confusion as they watched a wide grin crack on your face.

"oh! a worm!" you exclaimed gleefully.

they observed as you put your hand out and Spencer dropped the worm in your hand. you watched it wriggle around and would occasionally look up and nod along with his rambling, asking questions and listening intently. hotch and morgan were speechless, knowing full well if they offered a girl they liked a worm, she would not have the same reaction.

you and Spencer started walking back over to the tent, where hotch and morgan tried their best to seem busy. you two were laughing, something about putting the worm back where he found it so it gets home safely. if there was ever any doubt that you and Spencer would be the perfect couple, its completely disintegrated now.

you and Spencer were typically joined at the hip, but after the worm encounter, you two were especially inseparable.

the girls went down by the lake to tan while you and Spencer tried to build a hut out of random sticks and logs you found around the forest. and while the guys were fishing on that same lake, Spencer and you were rock skipping, and he was explaining to you the physics behind it. and you were both scaring away any potential fish for rossi, hotch, and morgan to catch. so you two were banished back into the forest for the time being. when the rest of the team came back, you and him were up in a tree, eating some of the snacks they'd packed, talking and laughing and subconsciously leaning into one another. you didn't need to be a profiler to see the signs. you two were head over heels already, even if you guys didn't know it yet.

after a bonfire full of roasted marshmallows and scary stories, laughs and giggles. it was a wonderful, but tiring night and before you knew it you were getting ready for bed, sharing highlights of the day back and fourth with Penelope.

"i'm picking up on a bit of a pattern," she giggled, wiggling her eyebrows.

you wracked your brain, "what pattern?"

"all of your highlights included a certain adorkable genius."

"what? no we just...he's my best friend so we-cause its fun and i just-" you stammered, feeling your face heat up with every passing second.

"relax my love, i was just teasing," she chuckled, turning over to go to sleep.

"yeah i know. goodnight pen."

"goodnight lovely," she sighed, "but give some thought to lover boy."

you chuckled lightly before whispering to yourself, "trust me i have."

you woke up and checked the time, it was 4:47am but you just could not fall asleep. you crawled out of the tent, grabbing your blanket when you felt the cool morning air rush at you. you didn't want to wake anyone, so you made your way over to the little hill that the suv was parked on, stealing the keys from hotch's bag and crossing to the other side that faced east. the sun would be rising soon, it would be nice to watch; you draped your blanket across your shoulders. you heard footsteps coming from behind you, your blood running cold, immediately assuming the worst.

you turned around and were met with Spencer's sleepy smile. his hair stuck up in all directions and he looked perfectly adorable. you had to resist your urge to give in and kiss him right then and there.

"you scared me!" you whispered, trying to stifle a smile.

"im sorry," he giggled, "why are you up?"

"im not sure i just couldnt fall back asleep. why are you up?" you echoed.

"morgan keeps farting."

you and him let out hearty laughs, quickly covering your mouths as to not wake up the rest of the team.

you faced the car for a second, legs growing tired from standing.

"look how pretty the fogged up windows look," you observed, facing back and fourth between the colorful sky and the muggy version reflecting on the suv. you pressed your hand against the window, leaving a print, "so cold!" you chuckled.

spencer put his hand next your handprint, quickly recoiling, "you werent lying," he laughed, shivering a little.

you looked at the two handprints, his comically larger than yours and you couldnt help but smile to yourself.

"do you want some blanket?" you asked, opening your arms.

"i think im too tall," he frowned, "maybe if i crouch?"

"how about," you dangled the keys infront of your face before opening the trunk of the suv, "front row seats to the sunrise and some blanket."

"that sounds perfect," he smiled, begging his body not to redden his cheeks.

you two crawled into the trunk, draping the blanket across both of your shoulders, being pulled together by the small piece of fabric. you two were completely cuddled together, getting maximum warmth from the blanket and each other's body heat. a comfortable silence floated between you, faint bird songs and the others breathing filling it with peace. you felt your eyelids droop, despite the breathtaking rebirth of the sun happing in front of you. spencer was just so comfortable.

he felt the same way, his head falling to rest on top of yours as sleep pulled at his eyes. he yawned lightly, pulling you closer and breathing you in. you smiled. perfectly content.

about an hour later, hotch woke up, searching frantically for his keys. he ran up to check if the suv was still there, only to be met with your sleeping figures in the open trunk, wrapped up tightly in a blanket, smiles on both of your faces despite being asleep. hotch was good at predicting things, he saw scenarios play out fully before they truly began.

he snapped a picture, knowing it would be put to good use in a few years, he smelled a wedding.

spencer and you spent the drive home smiling like a couple of idiots, grins growing wider each time the sun hit the window just right, revealing your handprints.

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ultra mega super cool taglist:

@mac99martin @imhreid @spencersmagic @hollydaisy23 @raelady1184 @a-broken-pact @padfootswife @hey-there-angels @star-stuff-in-the-cosmos @sonnydoesrandomshit @averyhotchner @laurakirsten0502 @reidyoulikeabook @rem-ariiana @spencerreid9 @vampire-overlord @takeyourleap-of-faith @spenxerslut @violetspoetic @aperrywilliams @b-a-utiful @eevee0722 @srhxpci @reidemandweep @imdefinitelyfloating @random-human-person @gurkiloni @luvspence @calm-and-doctor @ssavanessa22 @singularityjc

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