#and i do think Az should clear up everything he is feeling and a lot of it includes Mor | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

acourtofthought · 2 months

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Hi I was wondering if you still think eluciens book is next after hofas?

Even after HOFAS, I still think Elucien's book is next especially because as of HOFAS, Az still does not seem to give credit where credit is due in terms of Elain.

SJM gave Chaol a book but not at the expense of Aelin finding the person with whom she was meant for.

I like Chaol very much but I don't think it can be denied that he was unable to truly embrace Celaena for everything she was. Dorian once said to him that he didn't get to pick the parts of her that he loved and it was true. He struggled with thinking she was assassinating people at the Kings orders though that is what she was hired to do. He struggled once he found out she had magic. He struggled once he found out she was really Aelin.

So imagine if SJM gave Chaol his HEA with Yrene before Aelin fell in love with Rowan? It would send the message that "hey, it's cool you had prejudices and here's your reward in Yrene!"

People in the fandom go gaga over Az. They either moon over his interactions with Elain or over his interactions with Gwyn.

But his attitude towards both Elain and Lucien often gets swept under the rug unless it's being addressed in a post trying to prove why he and Elain aren't endgame. There's a sense of "he doesn't respect Elain and therefore will not end up with her" and then many move right on to how he and Gwyn would be great for one another while completely skipping over the fact that he probably needs to learn a lesson or two before that ever happens.

It would be like SJM giving Tamlin his HEA with someone before Feyre ended up with Rhys. Or Tamlin getting his HEA before Lucien.

I'm not saying Az is exactly like Tamlin but there are similarities there and I think it's odd that we would all probably agree Tamlin should not have gotten his HEA before Feyre or get one before Lucien because of the way he treated them while some believe Az, with the way he acts towards Elain and treats Lucien, should get his HEA before them.

Az's behavior is problematic but many want to turn a blind eye, believing that as long as he is with Gwyn, he'll be a better male.

To me, Az's true growth will not ring as true until he sees that Lucien is in fact good enough for Elain, that she does in fact have interest in him, that Elain and Lucien are in fact just as powerful and capable of Az himself and him feeling happy for them, him being able to acknowledge he was wrong.

Az finding his mate in the next ACOTAR book and him suddenly being gracious as a result is not a lesson learned. "I got my mate so now I can admit you're a good guy Lucien, sorry about that."

It rings insincere. I think that as we just got the first hints of a Gwynriel mating bond introduced in SF, it's not crazy to think that SJM will give their story a little more time to cook while Elucien's mating bond is first dealt with.

Beyond that, I don't think a Gwynriel book at this time moves the plot forward with Koschei, Beron, Tamlin, Vassa, or the peace treaty.

Suddenly drawing the current "villains" into Night Court territory drama with the Illyrians, the Valkyrie or the Prison lands doesn't make a lot of sense to me because then, Elucien's story would be set in the NC.

I think it's clear that the current main issues in their world exist outside the NC borders.

Beron wants Spring lands and the NC needs Springs armies as an ally yet Tamlin isn't getting better.

Koschei wants to free himself of the lake to become master of their world (not just one territory).

The fae in Vallahan want to move into human territory.

Vassa's curse takes her back to Koschei's lake on the continent.

The Valkyries and the Illyrians have nothing to do with these plots. People claim that Koschei is connected to the Illyrians because of the Rite but that was Briallyn's plot for Nesta because she needed to wear Nesta's powers down. "Your power is too strong - throwing you into this primitive spectacle wore you down". It really had nothing to do with the Illyrians themselves.

I also don't believe that SJM is going to heavily tie Merrill and time travel into what's going on across the continent and Spring. I think SJM laid the groundwork for her future series which I imagine will deal with more crossover plots, Merrill as a villain and world walking but the Valkyrie storyline which consists of building up an entire legion of elite female warriors is not something I see happening within the same year that the idea of the Valkyrie being reborn took place. And there's no point in suddenly tying the Valkyrie / Illyrians to Koschei and the peace treaty in a single book when we know Elucien's book will not take place in the NC. It makes no sense for SJM to turn Beron's attention to the NC when Rhys remains the most powerful HL and could easily wipe Beron off the map if he dares to enter NC territory. The reason Beron is looking to Spring is because of it's weakened state.

I once called it a marble run but SJM recently used the airplane taxiing metaphor.

Yes, Gwyn talked of wanting to leave the library but Vassa has been trying to free herself from her curse for much longer.

Yes, Gwyn and Az have both been given mysterious backgrounds but both Lucien and Elain have had unexplored powers and Lucien's still hasn't learned of his real father for a much longer time.

Yes, Gwynriel had the first hints of their mating bond established but Elucien's "will they / won't they?" has been one of the main questions of the ACOTAR series since ACOMAF.

Yes, Gwyn has her own story to tell but Elain is Feyre's sister and she's been waiting to tell her story for much longer. And I do think the underdog deserves her chance to shine when SF continued reminding us that there are still some who feel it's alright to speak for Elain and who don't believe her capable.

This series is not going to end up only being about the Archerons, I imagine SJM will continue on with Mor's story, Gwynriel's story, and more on Nesta's journey outside of Feyre and Rhys.

But to me it doesn't make sense that she would skip over Elain to tell Gwyn and Az's romantic arc first, especially when Az is one of the guilty parties of underestimating Elain.

SJM herself spoke of how her stories revolve around the female's journey and while I admit she also writes books that start off because of a male's journey (Chaol), I think Az getting a book before Elain would completely go against the foundation of what she typically writes. A problematic male character's happiness gained at the expense of a female character's happiness (and an unproblematic male like Lucien) would not be a very Girl Power message.

But of course, that is only my opinion and I have no idea whether SJM sees it that way or not.

#elucien #pro elucien #elain archeron #lucien vanserra #anti e/riel #pro lucien vanserra #pro elain archeron #Azriel critical

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tadpolesonalgae · 3 months

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ive seen the argument that rhys killed the winter court children thrown around so much but thank you for saying that bc i was starting to think i read it wrong. kallias only agrees to help the night court when it's made clear that rhys didnt kill the children and that amarantha had another mind reader. and they even become allies because kallias and viviane are at some celebration at the housw of wind later in the books right? if it had been rhys none of that would happen.

there are a lot of reasons you can not like rhysand he was always meant to be a morally grey character (imo sjm made him too nice actually) but im always confused when people keep using this reason because it might be the only one he was proven innocent

i loved the story dont get me wrong but reader in that is closer to hybern than to rhysand like the whole thing with the ic is that they all did terrible things but with a reason and she's just a bitch for a lack of a better word

i also felt both az and rhys were justified in how they treated her, i mean it was tough to read but she went way too far in how she was talking about elain, calling her all type of misogynistic names just because azriel and her are together so ofc azriel lost it on her (and not even that badly like he meant everything he said and none of those were lies) and then ofc the last straw for rhys was her threatening to dig up the archeron dad, that's a disgusting thing to do and rhys doesnt play about feyre. also if she has had this personality for centuries i can only imagine the list of shit the ic has against her

id love to read more of this story but i think it's pretty clear she's a villain, not even morally grey like the ic. i do love villain stories though so im excited lol

I mean, with the Winter Court situation, I’m pretty sure that’s what happened? 🫣 I don’t have the books on me at the moment so I can’t check but I agree it would be weird if Kalias and Viviane came over for the solstice with the death of a dozen children between them, so I’m inclined to believe Rhys wasn’t the one who committed that particular crime for Amarantha 🫠😭

And with Rhys being morally grey, I feel like it gets a little confusing because we don’t really get to see what he’s like as a character without Feyre? I feel like he probably took a bit of a (positive) turn now that he has his mate if that makes sense? Also the fact he isn’t under the pressure of maintaining a mask so thoroughly has probably contributed to who he’s become? I’d really like to get a scene though where the morally grey part bleeds through, perhaps if someone’s threatened in a future book? 👀

Either way, he’s a fictional character (to many’s upset 😔) so I suppose his personal ethics aren’t a particular point of contention when held against some problems occurring in our world 😕

‘i loved the story dont get me wrong but reader in that is closer to hybern than to rhysand’

You do not have to worry about a thing, she is fully intended to be easily and actively dislikable though I don’t think it’s an issue if some people take her side since this is a work of fiction 🧡💛

However, I am really interested in seeing what sides people take when it comes to what she does and her motivations, as well as what she holds dear and who she’s loyal to when it comes down to it! I’ll be curious if anyone will feel her actions might be more easily justifiable or at the very least understandable once more of her past is dug up? Whether people feel a bad deed is always a bad deed irrespective of circumstance, or whether the context and environment surrounding an action should be taken into consideration before passing judgement :)

‘calling her all type of misogynistic names just because azriel and her are together so ofc azriel lost it on her’

To be perfectly honest with you, I really enjoyed getting to write the parts because of how inappropriate they were given the situation 🤦😭 Her trying to convince Az to be with her and then insulting the person he claims to be in love with 🫣

‘and then ofc the last straw for rhys was her threatening to dig up the archeron dad, that's a disgusting thing to do and rhys doesnt play about feyre.’

I mean, not only is she a prominent figure in society, but she also has some pretty intense power readily disposable, and she doesn’t really act like she’s responsible enough to handle it (but we’ll inevitably examine those parts, too, because it would be weird if she just came into all that power without any sort of accountability or understanding of death and life, right? 👀)

‘id love to read more of this story but i think it's pretty clear she's a villain, not even morally grey like the ic. i do love villain stories though so im excited lol’

Honestly I’m still figuring out what’s going to happen in the end? She’s going to get with Az, but I’m indecisive on whether it’ll be a clean ending or not? I feel like if it is going to be like that, there’s a line that she won’t be able to cross, whereas it might be quite interesting to see how people try to reconcile her actions while still keeping in line with their own morals?

Also witnessing through her actions what sort of person she’s become and what situations have led up to that (and whether there are other people partially responsible for the things that have happened)

Either way, I think it’ll be exciting to figure these things out! There’s still so much of the story yet to be decided on, so it’s going to take some time for a next part to come together! And thank you so much for writing in!! I absolutely adore getting to read thoughts like this, it makes me so happy to know you’re invested to this level 🧡💛

#anons <3 #the other woman

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feysandfeels · 3 years

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I’m sorry but how can we have that gwynriel romantic book without Az and Mor having a tiny, little, quite insignificant really conversation first... and how can that conversation and its ramifications not be seen from the povs of the people it affects the most.

#truly having that conversation from just one pov would be such a disservice #and i do think Az should clear up everything he is feeling and a lot of it includes Mor #before having the actual romance romance #what if we are to have a ToD type of narrative when the established couple does not follow the dynamic we assumed they would #like sjm said that each book would focus on a pair and deal with a romantic pairing and we all assume that those would be the same #but what if it's like Mor and Az share the light in the way that Chaol and Nesryn did #and those two definitely got their own romances there #Yrene in this case would be Gwyn #in that she gets essentially a third of the development #idk man #I just can't get over this Mor silence.#anywho #Mor #Azriel #Moriel #Inner Circle #Gwynriel #Gwyn Berdara #The Morrigan #Feysandfeelspost

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shadowsingersmate · 3 years

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Angst azriel x reader request

i just thought, what if the one mate could feel it when the other would cheat on them? azriel cheating on y/n and she doesn't tell him that she knows, she keeps it to herself until one day she's had enough because she over hears him telling someone in the ic that he loves y/n and would never hurt her and they start to fight. she tells him the truth and she just leaves him all togehter. overtime az tries to talk to y/n but she doesn't budge they end up not getting back together and stuff if you wanna change some things thats fine

Okey I’ve been vv inactive but it’s because I’m just not okey but I LIVED THIS IDEA so here we go.

Also I have about three or four requests draft that I gave up in the middle so I’ll try to finish those as well .

I didn’t proof read so…. Yeah I hope you like it :)

The black blanket had fallen over the sky signing the arrival of the night.

You were sitting on the couch, reading a romance book that nesta had recommended you couple of days ago, it was alright you guessed. It was particularly hard to concentrate to the main characters love life as yours was already falling apart.

Azriel hadn’t been at home a lot lately. He had a lot of work and you knew, you could understand but it was all too much. You had missed his touch, his company, the endless talks that you two would have at the nights were you both couldn’t sleep.

You close the book as you sighted and went over the kitchen to make some tea, maybe that would help calm you a bit, maybe that would help to get your sleeping schedule back to normal. You had gotten used to Azriel holding you that you found it hard to sleep when he wasn’t there.

Once the tea was brewed you went into your bedroom and sat on the bed, admiring the view from the window, the stars were beautiful! You smiled as you remembered how Azriel would take you out on late night dates, just you two staring at the night sky.

It hadn’t been long before you fell asleep, the sleeping tea madja had recommended was truly doing wonders when it came to sleep diprivation.

Azriel’s scarred hands were grazing her naked body as his lips found hers. The passion was clear, both of them fighting for dominance, their sent of arousal filled the air making you gag.

“Azriel…” you choked but he didn’t listen, he didn’t even spare you a glance.

You felt his emotion, the longing, the want, the lust. You felt everything. You shook your head taking small steps back as tears escaped freely. You could hear their moans, you could see everything.

“Azriel!!!” You shouted again and closed your eyes, but when you opened them again you weren’t in the room were Azriel and the girl had been but your own shared bedroom. You were sweating, weeping.

A dream you realized but them you felt a wave of pleasure running through your body and then another. You felt longing and want but no, those weren’t your feeling they were azriels.

It wasn’t a dream it was a moment, a moment of azriels long nights working. He had lied, he was cheating on you.

You just stayed there frozen, waiting for the emotions to stop and they did, then you felt his regret and you closed the bond shut forming a thick brick wall between your and his mind.

You rushed to the bathroom, you knew Azriel was coming home, he would be there in a couple of minuite sand you weren’t ready to face him.

You cried and cried trying to remember anything you had done that led to this moment.

You couldn’t really blame him, the girl was beatiful, blonde hair and blue eyes eyes, her breasts were much fuller than yours and her curves were perfect, unlike you, you looked like a child compared to her.

It was your fault, you should have taken better care of yourself maybe then Azriel wouldn’t feel the need to seek something more mature, someone better.

You heard the door click from downstairs and hurriedly you wiped your cheeks and stalked over the bed.

“What are you doing awake love?” love? Seriously?

“Good, how was work?” You asked

You expected from him to look regretful or maybe tell you the truth, but he didn’t instead he said a quiet “fine” and went to the bathroom to get ready for the night.

Once he laid on your bed you had seriously contemplated to tell him, yo let him know that you knew what he had done but you decided that it would be bette rig you just stayed quiet.

Months had past with you being silent. Everyday he would come home and you expected him to break and reveal the truth but he didn’t.

Meanwhile you felt anger building up, you felt like you were suffocating. You no longer trusted him, you found yourself thinking thrice before you believe anything he said.

He was taking you on more dates than before and he was being at home for longer which made things harder.

You tried to better yourself by working out longer hours and eating healthier, you no longer felt comfortable with him seeing you without make up.

Azriel had realized obviously and you knew, that was something. Maybe now you could be enough for him.

It wasn’t until a couple of weeks when you were passing rhysands office when you heard the three brothers talking.

“I don’t know what’s happening to her, she barely even let me see her in the morning” Azriel exclaimed “she doesn’t even touch sugar, you all know how much she used to live sweets”

“Have you tried to talk to her?” Rhysand asked.

“Yeah, I’ve tried once or twice but she just change the conversation completely, I don’t know what going on” Azriel said worriedly “I’m trying to think of anything I may have done to hurt her but I would never do anything that would cause her the littlest bit of pain you know that right?”

You laughed out loud and the males stopped talking, after a few minutes cassian opened the door and his eyes softened at your presence.

“Y/n what are you doing here?” Azriel asked.

“I was just passing by when I heard your little speech do how much you love me and care about me” you scoffed voice dripping venom.

Azriel flinched at your words. “Love? What’s going on?” He asked perfectly calm.

“What’s going on? You must be kidding me Azriel. You really must think I’m stupid” you chuckled darkly.

“What are you saying?” Cassian interrupted.

“Oh I’m just talking about the passionate night Azriel had with a stranger not to long ago. Do you remember love?” You said mockingly.

Azriel’s eyes widened and he started shaking. “What? I-“

At this point both Cassian and rhysand had turned their attention to their brother both shocked. “Azriel is this true?” Cassian asked clearly angry.

Cassian was your best friend and his anger was clear.

“I-“ Azriel stuttered.

“You what? You went and slept with someone and I blamed myself for it. I though okey maybe Azriel wants something more someone better. So you know what I did Azriel? I tried to become better” you practically shouted “and now” you laughed “and now you’re what? You decided that you love me? You decided that you worry about me?”

“Y/n let me explain please I- you are perfect I just-“ he was panicking.

“No, you know what? You had your chance to explain, I gave you two months for you to tell me, to be honest with me and explain how I don’t want to hear it” you spit before you turned and left.

Months after the hurt was still there buried deep, the void of losing someone you loved so dearly was there but you couldn’t ignore the weight that lifted off your shoulders.

Azriel had tried to talk to you for months after that but you refused to listen, you left the inner circle but still held your relationships with the rest of the inner circl. You’d till went shopping with mor, you still spent hours taking with Cassian, you still read with amren and nesta, you still went to Rita’s with them when azriel didn’t go.

You were happy that you had succeeded in keeping your relationships, however sometimes you still had thoughts of what would happen if you decided to talk to azriel, what would happen if you’d let him explain and maybe try again fresh. But that wasn’t possible, he had lost your trust, even if you wanted you could never trust him, you would never be like you were before.

Sometimes you liked to look forward to the future and see what would happen if you and Azriel made up and become friends, maybe you could rejoin the inner circle but he was your mate.

You sighted, he was your mate and he had hurt u deeply and just like that the pain blossomed again before you pushed everything down and wore the blank expression again as you realized that nothing would be the same again, you would never find happiness again.

#a court of mist and fury #a court of silver flames #a court of thorns and roses #a court of wings and ruin #acotar #azriel #shadowsinger #acotar fanfiction #azriel angst #azriel acosf #azriel x reader #azriel fanfic #sjm fandom #sjm fanfic #sjmass

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ncssian · 3 years

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A Favor: Part Twenty-Seven

Nessian Modern AU

Masterlist

a/n: working a full time job + part time job tutoring english + applying for scholarships + still having free time left is a lot harder than i thought it would be. which is my way of saying this chapter should've been done a week ago lol.

i call this my goodbye chapter b/c goodbyes are made.

***

As Nesta brings the last of her things into the cabin, Azriel takes the last of his stuff out.

Standing beside Cassian, Nesta watches Azriel shut the trunk over the final box of his belongings. With all the extra stuff he stole from the cabin, it almost seemed like everything wouldn’t fit into his tiny car, but here he is. Ready to go.

He dusts off his leather jacket and approaches her and Cassian. “This is goodbye,” he says, coming to a stop before them.

Nesta once thought this would be the happiest day of her life, second to her wedding day. She should have predicted that her rightful joy would be extinguished by sentimentality.

Cassian claps Azriel on the shoulder, the two brothers having already said their goodbyes in private. Still, Nesta can see a little sorrow in Cassian’s eyes, as if he also got too used to having Az around all the time.

Azriel, the dick, reveals nothing through his eyes. Neither does Nesta.

The two of them look at each other awkwardly for a moment, and then he comes in to hug her. Nesta hugs him back, arms crossing around his broad back, but it has the same stiffness as two Barbie dolls being made to kiss each other.

When Azriel tries to pull away, Nesta clutches him to her with surprising strength. “I know about the picture,” she says lowly in his ear.

“Too late to take it back now.” She might feel him smile on top of her hair.

Nesta lets go of Azriel swiftly, having had enough physical contact with him to last a year. “Drive safe, so Elain can find you in one piece,” she orders.

Azriel grimaces at that, reminded of what waits for him in Velaris. Whatever Elain decides to give him, it’ll probably be deserved.

“I’ll get going then.” Az starts backing away, and Nesta hears Cassian sniffle. She looks toward her boyfriend in concern, but he circles his huge arms around her shoulders and pulls her back to his chest before she can catch him getting teary-eyed.

They watch Azriel get in his car and drive away. Nesta waves until the car disappears fully into the thickness of the surrounding trees, waves until her arms are too tired to keep going.

Once Az is gone, she turns in Cassian’s embrace and jumps up into his arms. Her legs hook around his hips and his hands fit themselves under her thighs. She smiles and tells him, “Let’s go home.”

Ten minutes later, they find themselves sitting in the silence of the kitchen. It’s the quiet of a house adjusting to a missing person, and Azriel’s absence is tangible.

Cassian is the first to break the silence. “Do you think he’s past city limits by now?” he asks as he stirs his coffee.

“No.” Nesta turns the page of her book, focused on reading. “Not if he stopped by Gwyn’s before leaving.”

She hears Cassian stop stirring. “What does that mean?” he says.

Nesta looks up at him and shrugs. “It means he probably wants to say goodbye to her.”

***

“One charge of assault, one for battery, and one huge lawsuit against my company,” Rhys reads aloud from the file in front of him.

Cassian waves a hand in dismissal. “Just make it go away like you always do.”

Rhysand’s near-violet eyes narrow with barely restrained rage. “Cassian. You shattered an employee’s hand.”

“Hey, O’Connell.” Cassian strolled up to him early last Monday morning. The underground parking lot was near empty at this hour, since most workers wouldn’t come in until nine. “How was the rest of your weekend?”

O’Connell looked up from getting his bag out of his car, clearly surprised to see Cassian willingly make small talk with him. “It was good,” he answered lightly. “You left Velaris early, though.”

“Yeah, about that.” Cassian came to a stop by O’Connell’s car and held out his hand, catching the car door before it could be shut. “I had to take my girlfriend home.”

O’Connell looked confused, but nodded along. “That’s nice. Can you—?” He gestured at the car door, indicating to Cassian to let go.

Cassian didn’t. “What hand did you use?”

“Excuse me?”

“When you touched her,” Cassian clarified. “What hand did you use when you touched her?”

O’Connell’s look of confusion morphed into one of contempt. “What the hell are you talking about, man?”

“Nesta Archeron.” Cassian straightened up, hand tightening over the top of the car door. “Your old college friend.” Realization dawned across O’Connell’s face, but he still hadn’t answered Cassian’s question.

“If you don’t tell me now, I’ll have to take my pick.” Cassian clicked his tongue in disappointment. “You’re left-handed, aren’t you?” He snatched up O’Connell’s left hand, and in a flash O’Connell was pressed up against the car, his hand pinned to the doorframe.

“Hey, wait, what are you—” O’Connell protested.

The sound of a car door slamming shut on a hand was louder than Cassian expected. It was the crunch of bones and muscle followed by immediate screaming.

“It could have been worse,” Cassian said flatly over O’Connell’s cries of pain. “It could have been your tongue, since you like talking shit so much.”

Cassian blinks out of the memory. “So what if I did?” he shrugs in response to Rhys.

“You are a member of my inner circle,” Rhysand fumes. “Keith O’Connell is a respected figure in our industry and a higher up from Vanserra and Co., and the head of our Milan outpost, but you saw fit to take out justice on him without asking me first.”

“You had nothing to do with it.”

“That is not up to you!” Rhysand jabs a finger at Cassian. “What will our shareholders think when they hear about this? What will the board members say?”

Cassian is starting to get irritated now. “They won’t find out, because you won’t tell them,” he says firmly. “We both know you’ve covered up worse things to fit your agenda, but it’s a problem if I don’t want a creepy bastard working under my jurisdiction?”

Having learned most of his business tricks from his father, Rhys is no perfectly clean CEO himself. He would’ve done far worse to O’Connell if it was Feyre in Nesta’s place, and he would have ended it all with a speech about how abusers and their sympathizers have no place at Night Court Inc.

The thought only inflames Cassian more; maybe he’s still riding off the anger of O’Connell making Nesta cry.

Tempering his feelings, he tells Rhys, “When you’re done shutting O’Connell up,” because Rhys would do it no matter how angry he pretended to be, “make sure Nesta never finds out about this.”

Rhys sits back in his chair, a bitter smirk pulling at his mouth. “Afraid she’ll be horrified of what a brute her sweet boyfriend is?”

Cassian nearly snorts at the image of Nesta recoiling at a broken hand. She’d probably call him weak for not shoving O’Connell into a ravine. “No,” he answers tiredly. “It’s not violence that offends her, but if she finds out it was in her name… I don’t want to put that on her shoulders.” Which is a shame, because in any other situation Nesta would love to hear about the unfortunate circumstances that led to O’Connell quitting his job.

Rhys lets loose a long sigh. “Damn, you both scare me.” After a few moments, he asks, “Now what are we going to do about Milan?”

***

Life after moving in with Cassian passes by quickly, and before Nesta knows it, she’s completed her second year of law school.

As for the boys who were some of her first friends and drinking companions, back when Nesta barely knew the definition of a friend—today they complete their final year of law school.

Nesta fans herself with the pamphlet she was handed at the beginning of the graduation ceremony, trying to stop the harsh morning sun from melting the makeup off her face. The audience is packed like sardines onto one huge field, and the announcer on stage hasn’t even reached the last names that start with D. Eris, Justinian, and Isaac are all near the bottom of the alphabet.

“Do we really need to be here today?” Nesta murmurs to Emerie, squirming in her metal foldout chair.

Sitting at her right, Emerie throws her a scolding look. “Don’t be like that. We’re never going to see these guys again.”

Nesta sincerely doubts that, considering how none of the guys are moving more than a few hours away. But her uterus is raising hell right now, even though her new meds have put a stop to her periods. Paired with the ache in her back from these terrible chairs, she’s about to call it quits and go straight home.

“Nesta!”

She whips her head to the left, finding Elain striding through the row of chairs to reach the empty seat beside her.

Like watching the Red Sea part, everyone in the row pulls their feet back and makes themselves as small as possible so Elain can have a clear walkway.

Nesta moves the purse she used to save Elain’s seat aside, and Elain drops her butt onto the little foldout chair like it’s a throne.

“A little warm for an outdoor ceremony, don’t you think?” Elain fans her face.

“You didn’t have to come all the way here, you know,” Nesta says.

“Eris made me. I haven’t talked to him since I broke up with his brother, but I think he wants to look like he has a lot of friends here.”

“Yeah, that checks out,” Emerie mutters from Nesta’s other side.

Elain seems to take notice of Emerie for the first time, and her Southern charm turns on like a switch. “Oh my, I don’t think we’ve met.”

Elain introduces herself and Emerie does the same, smiling and nodding politely, and Nesta can’t even decide if she likes this crossover because she’s too busy massaging her aching abdomen.

A string of “Excuse me, sorry!”s go up in the row they’re sitting in, and a moment later a familiar face plops down on the chair to Emerie’s right.

Gwyn leans over Emerie and holds a bottle of Advil out to Nesta. “This is all I could find in my car, babe.”

Nesta releases a sigh of relief and snatches the bottle. “It’s perfect, thank you.”

Elain’s gaze moves to the medicine, then to Gwyn. “You must be Gwyn.” She offers a smile. “I’m Nesta’s sister, Elain.”

Gwyn’s eyes widen imperceptibly, and Nesta realizes she should have warned Gwyn that Elain would be here.

Going off how Gwyn’s been acting the last few weeks, Nesta can only assume that she influenced Azriel’s final decision to move away, whether directly or indirectly. Nesta doesn’t even know much about what happened between the two of them during their weird sex deal, considering that she and Gwyn promised to never discuss such horrible things with each other.

All Nesta knows is that Azriel is Gwyn’s closest male friend, and close friends that have also slept together probably don’t want to bump into each other’s exes without warning.

“Are you here to see Eris graduate, too?” Elain asks.

Gwyn looks like a deer caught in headlights. “Who? Oh—no, I’m just here so we can drive to brunch together after.” Her voice gets quieter with each word, and she tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. “Nice to meet you,” she adds in a murmur, her face a furious shade of red. She quickly looks forward at the stage as if the graduation ceremony is the most fascinating thing ever.

Elain doesn’t note the odd behavior, instead refocusing on the Advil pills that Nesta pops into her mouth and swallows dry. “Are you still hurting?” Elain says, furrowing her thin brows. “I thought you got that problem fixed.”

Nesta tries not to snort as she accepts the bottle of water that Emerie wordlessly passes her. “You can’t ‘fix’ endometriosis, Elain. That’s not how it works.”

“Oh. Well how was I supposed to know that?”

Nesta slides unamused hooded eyes to her sister. Before she can retort anything, Emerie elbows her hard. “Look, it’s Isaac!”

She refocuses on the ceremony, cheering and clapping half-heartedly as Isaac takes the stage. It’s not that she doesn’t care about her study buddies; it’s just that she feels like shit right now.

Justinian follows suit a few minutes later, grinning and waving when he spies Emerie cheering for him. Gwyn is distracted on her phone through all of it.

The Advil has finally started to kick in when Nesta murmurs to Elain, “How is Azriel adjusting to being back in the city?”

“I don’t know what you mean,” Elain answers innocently. “I haven’t seen much of him since he returned.”

“Just spill it,” Nesta says. “Azriel wouldn’t tell me anything, so I’m assuming he’s humiliated about it.”

Elain sighs, delicately pushing her hair behind her shoulder. “He came to me to talk. I heard him out, and then we went back to his apartment for coffee, and then I took my fabric scissors and cut out the crotch from all his pants.”

Nesta raises a brow. “All of them?”

“All of them.”

Nesta shrugs, turning back to face the stage. “It’s good enough. I could have done worse.”

“Then it’s a good thing you’re not me, isn’t it?” Elain snips.

Nesta won’t say it, but she supposes she is a little happy for Elain. In fact, she thinks this might be the first time Elain has stood up for herself instead of letting Nesta handle it.

After the ceremony is over, Emerie goes off to congratulate Isaac and Justinian. Gwyn follows so she can get away from Elain, and Nesta, being sweaty and overstimulated and more than ready to leave, settles for waving her arms and grinning at the boys from across the field.

She’s about to say goodbye to Elain and make a beeline for the parking lot when she spots a head of shining red hair approaching her. No—make that two heads.

Eris looked unbearably snooty as he received his degree, likely smug with the fact that he has a comfortable job at a family friend’s corporate law firm lined up for him after he passes the Bar. Nesta admits that she’s a little disappointed in him: after all his talk of working hard and being the smartest person in the room, he ended up riding his father’s coattails to a disgustingly high salary. But maybe that is hard work for him, considering that there was such a ruckus in the Vanserra family when he chose to go into law instead of business.

As for Lucien… Well, Nesta really has no idea what the kid does, but she knows he looks good, better than the last time she saw him. An early summer tan makes him glow in comparison to his brother, while lean forearms are revealed under the rolled up sleeves of his dress shirt. He looks comfortable in a way he wasn’t at Thanksgiving all those months ago.

Even with his ex standing just a few feet away.

“Elain,” Lucien greets her with a foxlike smile.

Elain rolls her eyes in response and turns to Eris. “Congratulations on graduating, hun. Now that we’re even, kindly delete my number from your phone and never call me again.”

Even? Nesta raises a brow, wondering what that could possibly mean.

“I take it this is goodbye?” Eris tells her.

“I’m already leaving,” Elain says sweetly. She blows a kiss at Eris, then Nesta. “Feel better soon,” she chirps at her, before striding away in her pastel pink heels.

Very jealous of Elain getting to escape before she can, Nesta calls after her, “Hot date to catch?” She’s wearing the signature perfume she usually does when meeting with a man.

Elain tosses over her shoulder, “Something like that.” Her purse swings as she disappears around a corner to the parking lot.

Nesta watches her go with envy, and when she turns back she finds Eris already looking at her. Meanwhile, Lucien still has his eyes glued to the spot where Elain disappeared.

“You feel sick?” Eris asks her.

“No thank you, I have a boyfriend,” Nesta replies on instinct.

Eris scoffs once in indignation, then twice. “Don’t flatter yourself,” he says with disbelief. “I can care about my friends, you know.”

“You want her,” Lucien mutters.

Nesta’s eyes snap to Lucien, who seems to be acknowledging her presence for the first time today. “And what do you want?” She tilts her head at him, intrigued at having a new playmate. He’s less predictable than Eris, at the very least.

Lucien looks at her and offers a sheepish smile. “Nothing you can give me.”

Eris rolls his eyes at the both of them, clearly regretting bringing his brother along with him. “I’m already bored of this conversation,” he laments. “I’m out; the D.A. is here and I want to say hi. Find me when you’re done, punk.” Eris bonks Lucien on the head with his rolled up diploma and starts walking away, only pausing to extend a mocking bow to Nesta. “We’re not over yet, Archeron,” he calls as he leaves.

Now it’s Nesta’s and Lucien’s turn to roll their eyes.

With only the two of them left, Nesta feels obliged to ask awkwardly, “So… how’ve you been?”

Lucien’s gaze slides to her. “I didn’t know you were Elain’s sister,” he says.

She huffs a laugh. “I didn’t know you were her ex at first, either. Does it matter?”

Lucien’s mouth turns down in thought, but he doesn’t answer her question. “I’m doing good,” he says in response to her former question instead. “I’ve been living the nomad life, traveling around with friends, roadtripping in a van.”

But would you come home for Elain? Nesta can’t help but wonder.

She didn’t know Lucien had dated Elain until after her first meeting with him, but even then it had been something of a throwaway detail. Elain dates lots of guys, and falls in love with even more of them. She seemed to barely remember Lucien’s name when Nesta first brought it up in front of her.

But for some inexplicable reason, Nesta genuinely likes Lucien. A part of her recognizes something similar in a part of him, and it makes her sad to imagine him being stuck on a girl who won’t think about him twice.

“Take my advice,” Nesta tells him bluntly, “and move on if you haven’t yet. Staring after Elain when she already broke up with you will get you nowhere.” Elain isn’t the type to ever look back, and she never falls for the same man twice.

Lucien just looks at Nesta with a blank face. “I broke up with her,” he says.

Nesta’s mouth falls open.

“And,” he adds, “I was staring at her ass.” He starts walking backwards to his brother, giving Nesta an innocent grin as he leaves. “It was nice meeting again. See you in another six months.”

Nesta is dumbfounded watching him go, not knowing what to do with this new knowledge. As far as she knows, no one has ever broken up with Elain except for Azriel—and that ended in Az losing all of his pants.

It only occurs to Nesta that she shouldn’t have let Lucien get away with that ass comment when Emerie and Gwyn suddenly appear at her side, each of them interlocking an arm with hers. “You feeling better?” Emerie inquires cheerfully. “Ready to go?”

Nesta nods slowly, forcefully putting Lucien Vanserra and his too-sly demeanor out of her mind. He isn’t her problem right now. Summer is already here with a vengeance, and she’ll only have so much free time with the people she loves most. So she chooses to focus only on them.

Tugging her friends closer and squeezing their arms, Nesta asks, “Where are we eating?”

***

a/n: this needs sooo much more editing lol i could have done a lot more with this chapter if i wasn’t constantly tired and pressed for free time. sorry y’all :/

tagging: @hellasblessed @sjm-things @thewayshedreamed @drielecarla @valkyriewarriors @superspiritfestival @aliveahaahahafuck @cupcakey00 @sayosdreams @rainbowcheetah512 @claralady @thebluemartini @nessiantho @missing-merlin @duskandstarlight @lucy617 @sleeping-and-books @everything-that-i-love @cassianscool @swankii-art-teacher @wannawriteyouabook @awesomelena555 @julemmaes @wickedqueenoffantasy @poisonous-bloom @observationanxioustheorist @gisellefigue08 @courtofjurdan @theoverlyenthusiasticwriter @wolfiixxx @cass-nes @seashade @royaltykxx @illyrianundercover @queenestarcheron @monstrousloves-explodinggalaxies @humanexile @that-golden-lyre @agentsofsheilds @mercy-is-alive @cassiansbigwingspan @laylaameer01 @verypaleninja @maastrash @bow-dawn @perseusannabeth @dead-on-the-inside666 @jlinez @hungryreadingaddict @anidealiveson @planet-faerie @shallowhighwaters @ghostlyrose2 @chosenfamily-valkyriequeens @rarephloxes@readiajin @nessiantrashh @live-the-fangirl-life @ifinallygavein @xoblivisci @sjmships @jungtaekwoonie-is-life @lysandra-tiara @lanyjoy-13 @post-it-notes33 @loosingdreams @fromthelibraryofemilyj @18moneytoad @dontgetsalmonella @champanheandluxxury @togreblog @arinbelle @ladygabrielli1997 @meridainthedisneyland @moodymelanist @pixieelea @teagoddess99 @mystic-bibliophile

#nessian #ncssianwrites #nesta archeron #cassian #a favor #nessian au #nessian fic

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bookofmirth · 3 years

Text

Az, Gwyn, and power

Something I’ve seen going around a lot lately, in the past couple of months, is that if Azriel and Gwyn were to enter into a relationship, it would be unequal or imbalanced, basically that Azriel has more power than Gwyn and so it would make for a potentially... bad (? definition tbd) relationship.

I’ve already explained why the theory about Elain not knowing how the bond works makes her look like either stupid, or ignorant, or supremely passive. I’m assuming that is not the intention of the stans.

Now lemme explain why this interpretation, of a gwynriel relationship being inherently imbalanced and problematic for being so, would make Azriel look like an asshole.

I keep seeing people saying “because this person has power and this person doesn’t, this thing is bad”. No. That’s not how it works. Power is much more complex and nuanced than that, and it depends on how the individual decides to wield it. There are multiple ways that someone can gain, retain, and use power. Some have more access than others, for different reasons. However, it is not inevitable that those with more power will exploit those with less.

In the post about power I mentioned Rhys, and he is a great example of why having power isn’t necessarily a bad thing for everyone around him. The only thing that keeps Rhys from literally every sort of privilege is that he is half Illyrian. Other than that, he has everything going for him. However, he rarely, if ever, takes advantage of his power to the detriment of others. We could probably argue about why this is or isn’t true and to what extent, but the point is that we have other examples of similar fae - Beron - who wield the same types of power and do not gaf about anyone else. Rhys intentionally allows the IC to have a voice in what happens in the NC, he listens to them, he takes their advice, and sometimes he does a shitty job but he tries to avoid ruling with an iron fist.

Back to gwynriel.

So the idea that Gwyn and Azriel cannot be equals in a relationship initially came from the idea that Gwyn is, somehow, at 28 years old, mentally and emotionally a child. We know that this is NOT true. It has been confirmed by the writer, who did hear explanation of the different rates at which fae age. So her denial that Gwyn is a child was not out of context. She knew what people were thinking.

However, there are still issues that people bring up regarding Gwyn being a priestess and Azriel being the spymaster. But let’s be clear about who Gwyn and Azriel are:

Gwyn is a priestesses. She is not a nun. She spends her time learning and aiding others in that pursuit.

She protected children when her temple was under attack.

Gwyn is Carynthian. One of the only two women in history to earn that distinction. That accomplishment took intelligence, cunning, cooperation, and strength.

Gwyn is mostly High Fae.

Gwyn is a SA survivor.

Azriel rescued her.

Azriel is a spymaster.

Azriel is also Carynthian.

He is part Illyrian.

Azriel’s role in the library is not “supervisor”. He is not their camp counselor. He is not their authority figure. He brings women to the library who have been victimized, and then he leaves.

The two people who are actually in charge of the library and its citizens safety are Morrigan and Rhysand.

Combining all those facts with Gwyn’s age, Gwyn is not Azriel’s inferior in any way. No matter which way you look at it, there is nothing about Azriel that inherently puts him in a position to abuse his power.

She is also not his inferior in terms of maturity (while I can see that being an argument, it would need to be equally applied to nessian, feysand, elucien, e*riel, etc.... and it’s not. Unless an sjm anti is reading this, then yeah, I can see them making that argument.)

So let’s just say, for the sake of argument, that Azriel does hold a position of authority over Gwyn. He doesn’t, but let’s just pretend that these arguments are actually valid. If - if - Gwyn and Azriel were problematic as a relationship because of some power imbalance, then it stands to reason that that ship is problematic because Azriel is the type of person to exploit that imbalance.

Is that what y’all were going for when you try to say that gwynriel makes you feel uncomfortable??? Doubt it.

One last point about my list above - if y’all think that the fact that Azriel rescued Gwyn means that he can only see her that way, that he can only see her as an SA survivor and can never see beyond that, fails to recognize her growth and strength, even though he helped her to complete the Blood Rite Qualifier... again, that doesn’t say great things about Azriel (and maybe doesn’t say great things about people who would make that argument, since people are not defined by their trauma!)

I have seen (maybe? maybe I imagined this) a comparison between Azriel and Gwyn that he’s like... a teacher, and she’s the student, to explain why they are not an appropriate ship. The big problem with a teacher/student relationship is that the student in the scenario feels like they cannot say no. Your teacher is an authority, they are more mature, more knowledgeable, they have influence over whether you pass a class and get a good grade, they can tell your parents if you have been behaved or completing your work, etc. There are a lot of ways that a teacher can punish a student for not doing what they want. This is why those relationships are always frowned upon - it’s big dubcon territory, if not straight up noncon.

However, again, Gwyn is participating in the Valkyrie training voluntarily. She lives at the library voluntarily. She is a priestess voluntarily. There is nothing that Azriel can do to Gwyn that would force her to comply with what he wants. Gwyn can tell Azriel to fuck off, to go choke, to eat dust, to go jerk off, and... nothing would happen. He would probably stop hanging around as much, but that’s... it. He has no actual power over her in the sense of being an authority figure or being in control of her life in any way.

Something that I almost put in that original post but didn’t because it was besides the point at the time, was that there are always power differences. People will always have differing levels of access to privilege and power. That does NOT mean that people can and must only ever be in relationships with people of similar levels or power/privilege. In that post I mentioned how feylin didn’t work out because Tamlin had so much access and Feyre had none - to compound this problem, he allowed her access to none. He did nothing to try to even the playing field, to educate or empower her. That’s what made it a problem.

So do y’all think that Azriel would be like Beron? Someone willing to take the privilege he has and wield it over someone else like a cudgel? Or is he more like Rhys? Aware of his position and working to support - not manipulate - others? Because even if we were to accept the premise that there is a problematic power imbalance between Azriel and Gwyn, the only reason we should be uncomfortable with that is if we think that Azriel is the type of person who would exploit that imbalance.

#azriel #gwyneth berdara #gwynriel #acosf #acotar #acotar meta #power #i hope this made sense #i still feel like i'm getting my thoughts about it in order #jfc this got longer than I intended

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elriell · 3 years

Text

Some jumbled up thoughts about Elain, Lucien and Azriel + Mating Bonds

There have been a lot of conversations regarding this topic and I thought I’d flesh it out a bit myself, but these are facts/observations that as a fandom many have noticed, discussed, analysed. I just wanted to dive in myself fully.

I want to talk about each of them individually as well as, as a whole. Their emotions and mindsets, as someone who loves all three characters and wishes for all of them to get a happy ending. I will preface this with saying I will be discussing why it is very likely Elain will reject the bond and such things, so along the lines of Anti-Elucien. If you are a fan of them, thats cool, just skip this one if you happen upon it.

We are going to dive in to the following;

Lucien & Elain (their choices)

Lucien & Azriel (contrast)

Rejecting the Bond

New Bonds

Fate & THE POV

and why the writing is basically telling us everything we need to know...

Lucien

Lucien is noble male, he has a good heart and has suffered his plenty, and this is why people want what is best for him, to be the happiest he can... Unfortunately I think that in this case Elain is not it.

He is right to feel that way, just as Elain has a right to feel as she does. I think it is incredibly interesting that when we finally see from his POV we see that in a way he feels as though this has been thrust on them.

That with his last love he had a choice and so did she.

It reminds me very much of this line about Rhysand’s parents, who were an example of an unhappy mating bond.

We will deep dive in to wrong matches further down, but the fact is that mated couples are not always indicators of true paired souls, that they very well could be the couple that do not end up happy together.

I speak on Elain and her agency a lot because I feel like a large portion of the fandom like to discard it as if it means nothing, and even judge her for it but if we actually take a look at Lucien’s behaviour he is not all that more happy.

There are some key differences between them though, Lucien as a male feels their bond to a different degree than she does, and he also has been raised to believe and respect the bond. And thus he feels a certain obligation to honour it in the best way he can.

This doesn’t mean he thinks she is right for him, any further than his attraction to her (which like same dude same), he hasn’t displayed any signs that they actually aline as a couple. And I feel like SJM clearly highlights this when she sets examples of his gifts not being... well right for her.

The gloves we know she never wears show us how little they know each other as she loves to get dirty [which Feyre had told him] and the pearl necklace is then contrasted by Azriels which was very personalised to Elain.

(The rose, the secret beauty of it hitting the light etc...)

These are all deliberate moves by Sarah to showcase their misaligned bond.

And during Elain’s section I will also be pointing out some Lucien moments that really don’t read well for him. I genuinely believe he is much happier amongst the Band of Exhiles than he is when he is seen with The Inner Circus.

Elain

Here is the thing, this situation isn’t any easier on him that’s true but people need to respect Elains feelings, and the fact is she does not like him. Not only does she not like him but she shrinks in on herself, she looses all the progress and confidence she has made since the Cauldron. That is not a good sign of anything healthy.

If this is suppose to be a romance we root for why is she doing everything in her power to make it seem the opposite? If she genuinely was playing the long game she would have at least started to make them comfortable around each other, goodness they don’t even have to talk, but she does the opposite.

She emphasises that he brings out the bad in her. Again, no bueno. She quite simply does not want to be around him and with SJM’s writing I think this is highly deliberate on her part.

[And let’s be clear there are countless quotes from the other books that do NOT reflect well on their relationship but I am trying to stick to ACOSF, as it is her most recent work, otherwise I would be here all day.]

Rejecting the Bond

We have almost a two page discussion on why mating bonds are not an exact science, and that they can be more harmful than good. We are given two examples of it, with both Rhys’ and Tamlin’s parents. And then we get a very subtle hit at Azriel. This is all in the book Sarah said she began planting the seeds for the sisters journeys.

We also know from this there is a choice. But that many force it, because they feel it it right, (much like Lucien is probably doing right now, because he feels a duty and hope that it will work out.)

Then we have the fact thrown at us that a lot of males believe that their mate belongs to them and will challenge the other male, which we now have a call back to with Rhys’ mentioning “The Blood Duel”.

There is literally not one reason Sarah would put this in TWICE only for it never to happen or come close too happening. How anyone can question at this point that Elriel will happen is confusing to me, she has laid all the groundwork for it.

Now I don’t believe for a second that Lucien wouldn’t respect her choice, I think it will most certainly come down to Beron forcing his hand to wage the war we know he wants.

I think despite what Rhys said in Azriel’s POV under immense stress, TNC will protect Elain and ultimately stand by her decision.

Not only does ACOSF spend a great deal of time creating a further divide between Elain & Lucien it also add a shockingly large quantity of easter eggs about “Elain choosing bonds” “Other Mate” “What if it chose wrong?” and again in this book like in ACOMAF we bring back up a failed mated pair to remind you of it’s existence.

All possible signs lean towards them breaking the bond.

And frankly from a storytelling perspective having three perfect bonds that are basically the same overarching love story (enemies to lovers) is boring, she would want to shake it up and throw a little curveball.

Lucien + Azriel & Why I think Azriel will have a bond with Elain.

“If anyone can sense if something is amiss, it’s a mate” And low and behold it is Azriel who figures out what was going on with her. Not to mention in the reveal SJM further displays that Lucien has no clue what was going on with her.

I don’t know what bridge holds their bond but I wouldn’t trust crossing it personally... :/

Further still, Lucien cannot hear her heart. Their bond is definitely not strong but you could also argue that is not an element of the bond at all but rather of her abilities perhaps. Since we know she could hear the sea too though it was nowhere close by.

But Azriel did hear her, he did pay attention and he figured out what was amiss.

It is interesting to me that people took such issue with this when I believe very few have issues with Rhys or Cassian fighting for their respective partners. Now I have gone in to it in depth about how I think that this was pure emotion and illogical on Azriel’s part, and I don’t believe he would kill Lucien so carelessly.

I think it speaks to the same blind emotion a lot of them have displayed for their mates, Lucien may have wanted to see if she was worth it but Azriel knows she is worth the fight.

And for all intensive purposes in that moment he was willing to fight for someone he believes shares his feelings.

Now let’s tackle the whole “Possessive” crap.

First of all, all of the male pairings in this series have shown moments like this, so if it is bothering you here why isn’t it bothering you at other points?

Lucien has been just as instinctively possessive from their bond, and let me clarify, I am not shaming him for that anymore than anyone else. What I am pointing out is the double standard, if anything Azriel has more reason to feel like he can fight for her because she has actually shown him care, interest and attraction.

They have actually bonded a lot more than she has with Lucien thus far.

And if they truly do have an upcoming bond then judging him on three paragraphs when we don’t know what the heck is going on is just ridiculous.

On the same note of that scene, let’s talk about “deserve”

First of all he never said he deserved her, Rhys implied that is what he was gleaning from the conversation and that it is just lust, which we know is not the case. Clearly Rhys perception is not accurate at all so to take his statement at face value and call it fact is a bit disingenuous.

Azriel wasn’t claiming he deserves her, did you read his POV at all?? He didn’t even feel like his hands should touch her let alone deserve her. Please go back and read that chapter again if you can’t see that.

Not to mention I think that the idea of FATE, and believing in hope even when the odds are stacked against you (AKA her having a mate) is actually very consistent with SJM storytelling and Az. Remember this;

The fact that he is hopeful despite the despair of his situation is exactly what people have valued about him. Not to mention after Rhys says this to Azriel he says to them;

So Rhys too believes they were brought in his family for a reason, some sort of fate.

Amren too thinks they are blessed by fate. Why is it so shocking and offensive that Azriel have a little hope that there is a reason they came in to their lives? Because he isn’t with your fav?

Let’s be honest he didn’t exactly get over Mor in ACOMAF, ACOWAR and then even ACOFAS there are slight moments, thats over a long period. Three sisters didn’t just arrive and he went TAG “I want one.”

No, he genuinely grew to care for Elain, and let go of his past, and in watching Elain not find any connection with her mate he saw it as a sign that the Cauldron was wrong, which we know it can be.

I don’t know if people are selective readers but if you think that he doesn’t care for her as a person beyond being a “sister” I don’t know what to tell you, we are not reading the same books.

ANYWAYS back on topic.

I think Sarah has laid a lot of groundwork for her breaking the bond and perhaps choosing a new one. I know not everyone is keen on another bond as they feel her free will and choice is enough, that’s fair and I agree to a point.

I just wanted to analyse the data at hand, and I do believe after ACOSF (I never thought it prior really) that they are mates in some capacity, whether that is because of the Cauldron or something that will occur... I think she has laid enough groundwork for them being Soulmates at the least. Hence why I love the idea of a Carranam bond.

There are so many parallels between Rhys, Cassian & Az that could be taken as little signs but honestly this is long enough I am sure you all want to kill me already for making you read all that hahaha

One last little morsel, it very well might be nothing but Az shouting after they take Elain is an interesting choice, it’s ambiguous enough that you can take it to mean the pain but it could also be another little crumb.

Basically with all said and done I think she will give Elain her agency back and break it.

And potentially something will occur with Azriel as a result but thats certainly more grey than the rest of it.

Thank you for coming to my ted talk!

Obviously, to each their own opinion, have fun and ship whatever you want these are just my thoughts on the text at hand!

(Also I am sorry I got like 20+ messages to get to in my inbox, yeah I kinda ignored everyone and worked on this today, sorry!!! I’ll be back tomorrow)

#elriel #elriel mates #elain archeron #azriel #acosf spoilers #acosf #acotar #azriel x elain #elriel meta #myelriel #anti elucien #anti-elucien

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meher-sumedha · 3 years

Note

gwyn and az go to see a movie (any genre)

Gwynriel Modern AU Headcanon : Movie

@aelingalathyniusrailme I have an exam tomorrow but this is more important. Also Fluff and Banter! And sexual tension, a lot of it. Also Azriel totally being in love with Gwyn.

"Azriel!",Gwyn shouted from outside his door. Gwyn banged on the door a few times, "Az what the hell is taking you so long!" ,Gwyn was about to bang on the door again when Azriel opened the door, and Gwyn stopped her hand midair.

Gwyn just froze for a moment, and Azriel smirked. "Like what you see Gwyneth?" Azriel asked and Gwyn cleared her throat and rolled her eyes, she then said, "Why the hell are you wearing a fucking suit to a movie?" And turned around to stop staring at him.

She then went to the kitchen and knew Azriel followed her. She took out a bottle of water and drank from it, waiting for Azriel to answer, "Well I was hoping to woo some girls" And Gwyn choked on her water and Azriel grinned evilly.

Gods she hated him and his damn pride. His pride was so big that it could probably feed all the poor people in the world. "Woo some girls? Who even uses that phrase anymore. And besides, don't u have like a ton of right swipes on your tinder account?" Gwyn asked, trying to not sound bitter.

"Well I do but still. One to one action is always the best, ", "Well won't a bar be better for that?" And Azriel stilled. He then tried to cover up his nervousness by saying, "Well I know the girl I wanna woo will be at the movies, " "Wow, stalk much?"

"Oh please, that's how Cassian and Nesta got married. If Cassian hadn't stalked Nesta all those years, then they probably wouldn't be together right now." Gwyn considered that for a moment before saying, "Hmm Alright. But then we don't match. I'll change into something more 'exciting."

And Gwyn went into her room. Azriel finally let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. Gods he hoped Gwyn didn't think of him as a fucking whore. He was doing all this to impress her anyway. This suit, the smirking, he'd hoped it was enough to impress her. Cause impressing a 'medical' girl, wasn't nearly as easy as he'd thought.

He couldn't just flash his smile to get her to swoon at him. No, she was wayy to smart for his own good. And wayy out of his league too. But he knew he'd fallen in love with her since the day he'd seen her in the white lab coat cutting open a frog.

Cassian and Nesta only made it easier for him, as they'd simply exchanged places when Cassian got together with Nesta. Gwyn took Azriel's old room (she went into Cassian's room and even she couldn't handle the smell of it) and Azriel had taken Cassian's room while Cassian moved in with Nesta in her dorm.

And he was already studying law at Harvard so it was pretty hard for them to spend time together. But they always took out at least one day in a month as a day off without any studying and hung out together.

And now Azriel was hoping he'd impressed her and- WHOAAA, Azriel almost fell over when he saw Gwyn walk out of her room with a glittery top and a black skirt.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. He should have never tried this.

Azriel was regretting his entire life right now. He shouldn't have worn a suit cause now Fucking Gwyneth is wearing that damn dress that has made blood rush to his cock and he Fucking hoped that Gwyn hadn't noticed. Fuck. The way Gwyn smirked, he knew that she knew exactly what that dress did to him, and what it could do to boys.

Azriel was no boy. He was a man. But seeing Gwyn in that damn dress had made all the hormones in his body go crazy. "Ready Shadowsinger?" Gwyn asked, referring to his surname and gods the way it rolled on her tongue made Azriel nervous even more.

"Yea- Yeah" Azriel managed to choke out before following Gwyn out the door.

And even as Gwyn was going to the parking lot, all the eyes were on her, and her backless top. Azriel saw some perverts staring at her, so he immediately put a hand behind her lower back, and gave those pervs a deathly glare.

And then they entered the car, while Gwyn put on her 'Sour' playlist. And Gwyn sang along to all the songs, the lyrics already memorized. And it was like someone possessed her whenever the song, 'brutal' came on. Gwyn was shaking her head, banging the head board and having the time of her life, while Azriel slowly giggled. God he loved that weirdo.

ALL I DID WAS TRY MY BEST

THIS THE KIND OF THANKS I GET

UNRELENTLESSLY UPSET

THEY SAY THESE ARE THE GOLDEN YEARS

BUT I WISH I COULD DISAPPEAR

EGO CRUSH IS SO SEVERE

GOD! IT'S BRUTAL OUT HERE!

wait a minute, no no no no, you don't love her, GET A GRIP YOU DON'T LOVE HER! Azriel tried to remind himself but then he noticed he was smiling while thinking that and fuck.

And now that the playlist was finished, Gwyn noticed his little smile and asked cheekily, "What's got you smiling like a little boy?" Azriel realized that and immediately got back into his cool demeanor, "Noth- nothing" He said, trying to play it off. Gwyn just smiled and then looked forward, and then suddenly started playing with Azriel's hair.

He knew she was staring at him while doing so, but he didn't move his head towards her, just let her play with his hair, massage it, it felt good, it felt nice.

And then he stopped the car, as they hd reached. He finally looked at her, to find that she was still staring at him. Everything was silent now, "You have really nice hair." She whispered and Azriel swore that he felt himself blush a little. Correction - a lot.

Gwyn just smiled at that and said, "I love making you blush." And Azriel was immediately more nervous now. She then forced his gaze to look at her.

He noticed they were so close now. That if they just moved a teeny bit closer, they'd kiss. And then Azriel suddenly blurted out, "We're here" Which caused Gwyn to move back and groan. Fuck. You could've kissed her! Why the hell didn't you? And the dumbass of the year award goes to Azriel, azriel thought. Azriel mentally kicked himself before moving out of the car.

Gwyn followed and Azriel locked his car. They both decided to see a movie known as, They Fault in Our Stars, as Gwyn had a thing for Romantic, and also because she'd already read the book and loved it.

Azriel just rolled his eyes but smiled while doing so at her obvious choice. They went inside the theatre and fuck was it cold. Azriel was surprised that after 5 whole minutes of being in the theatre, Gwyn asked, or commanded, "Give me your jacket.", "What?" Azriel pretended not to listen and he could feel Gwyn roll her eyes even in the dark.

"Azriel I swear to god if you don't give me your jacket right now I will literally burn all your clothes." And Azriel tried to stop himself from laughing, but failed miserably, "What's the magic word Gwyn?", "Give me your jacket", Gwyn said in a deadly calm.

Azriel scoffed and Gwyn was still shivering, "Magic word Gwyneth" And Gwyn huffed but finally said it through gritted teeth, "Please give me your jacket".

And Azriel smiled at her and finally gave her his jacket. He remembered the way their fingers touched and how soft her skin- GET A GRIP AZRIEL, he mentally reminded himself.

They then watched the movie in silence. Well Gwyn did, Azriel mainly watched Gwyn. The movie ended and they both walked out of the movie theatre. The ride back home was silent, Gwyn was slightly smiling and looked like she was in deep thought, and Azriel asked, "Did you like the movie?" He looked at her to see that she was simply looking forward at the road.

"Mhmm", "Did it live up to the book?" And after a moment of silence, Gwyn replied, "I think it did."

And the ride back home was silent. It was around 11pm right now, and they were simply walking around, Azriel staring at the way how oversized his coat looked on Gwyn. "I'm keeping your coat." Gwyn announced while kicking a stone. "Are you even asking or telling?" Azriel asked with a grin and Gwyn stopped and acted like she was hurt, "Do you even need to ask that Azriel?"

And Azriel smiled at her. Suddenly out of the blue Gwyn asked, "Do you like me?" And Azriel froze in his spot, "Why- why do you ask?", "I don't know, I think you do, " Oh, oh. Was it that obvious, he thought.

"Well do you like me?" Azriel asked, not confessing as he really didn't want to be rejected today. And then Gwyn came up to him. And kissed him.

She took his shirt in her hands, and pulled him down to her level. The kiss was soft but rushed. Her lips were soft yet fast. He couldn't think about anything else except her lips on his. Except the way her body felt pressed against his. It was pure ecstacy, and it was an indescribable phenomenon, an unearthly experience.

He knew she was inexperienced, and then he realized that this was her first kiss. Wedding bells started going off in the distance, oh fuck.

Gwyn then broke the kiss, tried to smirk but Azriel could see the bright red blush on her cheeks as red as her hair, "I hope that answers your question." And then they walked in silence, but Azriel, he intertwined their fingers, he couldn't tell her that he liked her. He literally couldn't, it's like his mouth froze at that.

But he hoped, that this small action let her knew, that he liked her too. And by the way Gwyn was smiling, he knew it did.

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httphonsool · 3 years

Text

the great spymaster

3. promises

synopsis; a series of drabbles in which you manage to conquer the great, brooding spymaster’s heart- this time you’re making promises

warnings; i don’t think there are any in this one, talking about hatred, insecurities?

tag list; @grandpascurtains @samaras-weavings

notes; i’m sorry it took me so long to write this, school’s started for me again in real life so i’m lacking time and things, but here’s part three, and please I just think Azriel would look pretty in a dress. And fight me- he would definitely reluctantly let his s/o paint his nails just to spend time with them. Petition to put Az in cosmetics lmao.

Azriel’s realised he highly dislikes your bubbly personality, after all, how can a person be so happy in such a corrupt world. It’s been a few days since you’ve arrived at the House of Wind, and he can’t help but notice how you were good to him, you respected his space, leave him be for most of the time, only ever asking him to take you to the library after you wake up late around ten o’clock (by his standards at the least), there’ll be times you’ll tease him, playful banter exchanged between the two of you, and he enjoys it, it’s pleasant having someone else with him, and that’s exactly what he hates. He hates how good you are, despises it, in fact. He especially despises when you play cupid, when you sit there in the library pretending to read some book full of smut and you listen into his conversation, with a cutesy schoolgirl smile planted on your face urging him to make a move on Gwyn.

And maybe he would make a move on Gwyn, but he can’t because you’re urging him on, and now he’s just focussed on disliking you.

Or maybe he just dislikes you because he felt the mating bond when you were in your cell. He felt it in the last conversation he had with you in the cell; when you’d stared into his eyes, it had snapped into place so quickly and he wanted to curse the Cauldron for giving him a human mate, and now he was going to despise you to keep you away, to keep you safe.

Yet he can’t help but be close to you, you’re lonely, and you accepted everything so fast even though he can quite literally feel your misery, but you hadn’t ever willingly talked to him unless there was something you needed so he didn’t offer either.

It doesn’t help that you constantly tease him about how pretty he would look in a dress, or with makeup on, or with his nails painted, “embrace your feminine inside, Mr. Spymaster sir, there’s no harm in doing so,” you had said to him in the library yesterday, he almost let out a smile; though he still can’t understand why you were so Cauldron-damned happy all the time, you made yourself smile even though you were in the worst position to do so.

And he watches you now, as you read in the library yet again, with a tinge of guilt, a tinge of sorrow gleaming in his eyes, because he actually felt sorry for you. Sorry that you had to end up here, sorry that he was your mate, sorry that he’ll never tell you you’re his mate even though he told Rhys he would.

Well, he never said when he’d tell you, it’d be a shame if he only thought about telling you after you die.

“You know,” you start, “if I were you, I would make a move on that priestess as fast as possible, wouldn’t want her to find someone else.” And there you go again, blabbering on about your cupid-esque escapade.

“Gwyn’s just a friend,” He repeats, the words tiring his mouth quickly after having repeated them so many times.

“All men say that,” You groan, “my friend’s ex-boyfriend said that and turns out he was having an affair behind her back; she’s a friend but you want more I can see it in your eyes.”

“Your friend needs better taste in men,” He jokes, and he wishes he hadn’t because then he had to see that stupid, warm smile on your face. How could you smile at him? Someone like him doesn’t deserve something like that from you of all people.

“She truly does. Shame I’m not there to tell her.” You sigh, furrowing your eyebrows and closing your book shut, “This book is boring, let’s go home.” Home. You had called it your home. It seemed like you’d accepted your fate, if only Azriel could accept his too.

Azriel yet again watched your tiny frame as you stood by the balcony staring wistfully out onto the city. You were so alone he couldn’t stand it anymore.

Your head quirks up (almost as if your brain received a notification he was watching you) and turned around, the brightest smile sitting upon your face. He almost fell to the ground for you.

“Hello, Mr. Shadowsinger sir,” God those nicknames.

“You can just call me Azriel, ___.” He replied, your name feeling holy on his tongue. It was the mating bond making him feel this way; he swears, and he can’t give in, he could never give in.

“How long have you been watching me?”

“Just a few minutes, you looked like you were in deep thought.”

“I was just thinking about how lonely it is up here.”

“I can always take you somewhere-”

“I’m too scared to ask,” You say quietly, curling into yourself.

He scared you? Of course he did, he scares everyone, and everyone dislikes him.

“Not that you’re scary, I love your shadows, I think they’re so playful, but I mean they never show up around me- that’s beside the point, I’m sorry, uh, what I meant was that, I’m scared that I might make you angry.”

Cute. No not cute.

“Why would I be angry?”

“You don’t seem to like me very much.”

“I don’t mind you.” Honest, he was being honest. Gods, he couldn’t figure out what to even do with himself.

“Really? I mean that’s great, It just didn’t seem all that way, you know? I’ll stop talking.”

“You talk quite a lot.” He points out.

“Yeah, I’m sorry, I don’t mean to, my friends always get annoyed by it, you know? That I talk too much, it’s only because I feel like someone might actually listen but really they always just tell me to shut up.” You were so bright.

And Azriel was such a dick, had he not just told you to shut up a few days back? Did that not hurt you?

“You can always talk to me.” He wants to make it clear, let you know that he’s listening even if he acts like he isn’t.

“Can I?” You joke, giggling. Azriel quickly realises he actually really likes your giggles.

“Yes.”

“Okay, okay, let’s make a promise then.” You say as a-matter-of-factly.

“A promise? Why not a bargain?”

“No, no bargains, promises sound nicer.” Promises it is then.

“Okay then.”

“Promise me you’ll always let me talk to you?” You ask, your eyebrows furrowing yet again.

“I promise.” You’re so…golden. That’s the only way he can describe you; a ruby in a pile of diamonds.

“And…I promise you I won’t ever bother you all that much.”

“But you never bother me all that much anyway.”

“Don’t I?” You smile mischievously, eyeing him up and down.

“Cauldron, what are you up to?”

“Deciding what kind of dress we should put you in; a ball gown just wouldn’t suffice.” You giggle. A ruby in a pile of diamonds, he had thought.

“Oh, I’m more of a summer dress kind of person.” He jokes.

“Really?” He wishes everyone could see the pure, innocent joy on your face.

“No.”

#rhysand x reader #rhysand #rhys #acotar x reader #acotar #lucien x reader #lucien vanserra #azriel x reader #azriel #cassian x reader #cassian #feyre #drabble #az

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starbornvalkyrie · 3 years

Text

paper rings [a nessian one-shot]

a/n: hey besties!! here’s some fluff for this fine saturday. i wrote this for my mate, my besta @vanserrasvalkyrie bc i love her to death and she deserves everything. i wrote this based on paper rings by taylor swift. enjoy!

acotar masterlist || masterlist of masterlists

When the sunlight hit his face, Cassian stretched with a groan and reached for his girlfriend. Girlfriend. Three years and he was still shocked that was the title he could call Nesta Archeron. When they met all those years ago, he could have sworn she hated him. He thought it might have been his high clouding his mind but no.

Nesta gave him the cold shoulder every time they hung out, though he never failed to sense her eyes on him when they were out with his friends. There was something about Nesta that always drew him to her. Some sort of gravitational pull that made her irresistible--even as she pushed him away.

Cassian frowned when he found that the other side of the bed was cold, his girlfriend long gone for the day. Blinking slowly, he wondered if she told him what she was up to today. Not that she needs to, but she usually gives him a heads up. His thoughts were pulled away when his phone chimed.

A single text message from Nesta read, Morning, babe. I’m out running errands with Feyre today. I’ll see you later. Xx

Cassian couldn’t help the grin that formed on his lips at her use of the word babe, and he used that energy to get out of bed and prepare for the day. The day that he hopes will bring him one step closer to calling Nesta his wife.

He dialed Rhys, putting the phone to his ear as he fastened his watch around his wrist. He smiled fondly at it, remembering the day Nesta gave it to him saying, “Your old watch is too loud. Use this.”

Rhys answered on the last ring with a labored, “Hello?” followed by a female yelp and giggle. His brother shushed her, but Cassian’s brows furrowed.

“Is that Feyre?”

Rhys cleared his throat, “Yeah, of course, why?”

“I just thought…” He trailed off. “Nevermind, brother. Is everything still set for tonight?”

He could practically hear Rhys rolling his eyes when he replied, “Yes, brother, we’ve been over it a thousand times. It’s going to be great.”

“Okay, okay. I’ll leave you two to… whatever I interrupted.” Cassian almost gagged hearing Rhys’ stifled groan of a goodbye as he hung up, patting his jacket pocket to feel for the ring one more time. He was about to grab his keys when he noticed a note on their side table, the elegant script telling him who left it. Smiling, he picked it up and read.

Cassian,

Do you remember the night we first met? I remember it vividly, probably because I wasn’t as stoned as you. But what I haven’t told you is that I went home and stalked you on the internet. Full on FBI mode. If you tell anyone, I will not hesitate to kill you. Sometimes I think about how I tried so hard to learn every detail I could about you without actually talking to you, but now I feel like I know more than I should.

We’ve shared a lot these past three years, and I have to say that one of my favorite hobbies to share with you is reading. The days we spend wasting away in bed reading side by side are the days I hope we will continue to share for the foreseeable future. While they aren’t my favorite, I do enjoy the war novels and thrillers you keep beside your bed. I think I’ve read all of them by now.

I skimmed Catch 22 this morning and was particularly intrigued by page 143.

It wasn’t signed, but Nesta’s perfume lingered on the page, igniting Cassian’s senses. The memories she wrote of came to the forefront of his mind. She was shy at first, not wanting him to know the sort of books she enjoyed reading with her friends. But one night he snuck one off her nightstand. Needless to say, they’ve had their fair share of experimentation based on a few of her novels. And when she read his books and talked excitedly with him, he thought he’d propose on the spot.

Cassian rushed to his bedside table and, sure enough, Catch 22 is on top. He flipped to the page she mentioned. Another note fell out along with a blue paint swatch. The color looked familiar, but he couldn’t figure out where he knew it from. Shrugging, he read the note.

Cassian,

Do you remember when Azriel made us all help him paint his room? My favorite memory of that day was the fact that there was more paint on us and our friends than there was on the walls. You, of course, had the brilliant idea of jumping into the pool of Az’s apartment complex. At 8PM. On a January evening. No one wanted to join you, for obvious reasons. I still think you’re an idiot for suggesting it. I still think you’re an idiot for actually doing it.

But then again, I followed. You may have jumped first, but I went in, too. I will always follow you, Cass, to the ends of the earth.

Will you follow me, too?

Yes. One hundred percent, yes. Cassian would follow Nesta to the ends of the earth and back. He’d slay dragons for her or just sit back while she conquered them herself. He couldn’t think of a time when his world didn’t revolve around Nesta. While they played games of cat and mouse when they first met, it was always Nesta. For him, he would always follow Nesta.

Will you follow me, too? He absolutely would. There were no other directions on the note, but Cassian knew exactly where he needed to go. Carefully folding the notes, he placed them in his pocket next to the ring. Giving the pocket another pat, he grabbed the keys to his truck and made his way through town. Azriel moved out long ago to live with his girlfriend, but Cassian still knew how to get to his old apartment complex.

That night was one of the best nights of Cassian’s life, but not for the reasons Nesta might be thinking. It was fun, definitely, swimming in that freezing pool, alcohol the only reason they didn’t feel the icy bite of the water. But that was the first night Nesta laughed and smiled with only him. Sure, before then, he had seen her radiant smile and heard her mesmerizing laugh with their friends. But with no one else around them in the pool, Cassian had relished in the fact that he was the reason for her happiness. It was the first time he had dared to hope for something more.

The apartment complex wasn’t gated, so Cassian drove right in, straight to the clubhouse pool. He hopped out of his truck, leaving it running idle, as he searched the area. He searched the chaise lounge chairs and tables but only saw a towel and duffel bag that someone left behind. He walked the perimeter of the pool itself. Still nothing. Did he get it wrong? Was he supposed to go somewhere else? Confused and frustrated, Cassian was about to give up when something at the bottom of the pool caught his eye: a ziploc bag anchored by a can of paint.

“You have got to be kidding me, Nes,” he mumbled to himself. Cassian went back to inspect the duffel bag, cursing his cruel girlfriend the whole way. When he unzipped the bag, a note was on top. Have fun getting wet, was all it said. Underneath was a pair of Cassian’s swim trunks and an extra pair of clothes. Accepting his fate, he changed in the restroom, and dove into the pool.

Pulling the paint can--the same color they painted Az’s room--to the surface was harder than he thought it would be, but eventually he was sitting on the edge of the pool, feet dangling in the water that was a lot warmer than it was that night. Shaking the moisture from the bag and his hands, he took out the note, slightly shorter than the rest. Nesta knows he’d be impatient and nearly irritable by now, and he loved her even more for thinking about that detail.

Nice day for a swim, right? I wish I could have been there to see it, but don’t worry, I’ll have you wet and shirtless in no time later. But in all seriousness, I had a lot of fun that night. Getting to know you better in the pool is one of the highlights of our relationship and it’s something I will never forget.

But let’s go back to the beginning. Meet me in the place it all began. I’ll always be waiting for you.

Cassian grinned and pushed himself up to dry off and change. He grabbed the clothes Nesta packed for him, pleased to know she knew his style, and meticulously transferred the small box from his jacket pocket to the front of his jeans.

Knowing exactly where to go, Cassian made his way to meet his future wife.

---

Nesta waited nervously on the dock of a lake just outside of Velaris. She clutched the final envelope in her hands, reminding herself every few minutes not to ruin it. She sat on a blanket, a basket filled with Cassian’s favorite foods. She tried to push doubt from snaking its way into her brain, but she couldn’t help it.

She had been dropping hints to Cassian for months now but to no avail. After Rhys proposed to Feyre six months ago, Nesta felt that tug in her heart that told her she was ready. She practically told Cassian as much. She made it a point to talk about Feyre’s wedding prep every day, asking what he would want if he was in their position. She even went as far as showing him rings.

But Cassian hasn’t made a single move. Nesta knows he loves her, but does he not see her as wife material? Does he only love her for now? Nesta didn’t think so, and she didn’t let herself believe that, but the seed of doubt is still there, waiting to grow. To counteract the doubt, she decided to take things into her own hands.

Hence the basket and the notes.

Her phone chimed with a text from Az telling her that Cassian just jumped into the pool. He got it on video. She laughed and asked him to let her know when Cassian left the apartment complex. While all of their friends were in on the event, Azriel was the only one she trusted to trail Cassian without being caught. Everyone else was tasked to decorate their apartment for a party after Cassian left on her scavenger hunt.

Nesta stood as she heard the sound of tires on gravel and braced herself as she watched Cassian step out of his truck and make his way towards her. Much to her amusement, she realized his hair was still a little damp from his impromptu swim, but he was also wearing the jeans and button down shirt she had packed for him as well. Nesta still counted herself lucky, praying to the Cauldron every day that this was the man that crashed into her life all those years ago.

Cassian stopped in front of her, surveying her from head to toe. His gaze sent shivers down her spine, but she stayed still as he scanned her set up on the dock, a smile gracing his lips as he most likely remembered what they’ve done out here. Multiple times.

Finally, he turned back to her and greeted her, “Hi, Nes.”

“Hey,” she said, voice low.

“What is all this?” He started to move towards her, but she held up her hand, nerves getting the best of her.

“I-- uh, we’ll get to that. But first,” she held up the note she held in her hand. “Last one.”

This time, he did step closer to her, but didn’t touch her yet. Ever observant, he knew she needed her space right now while her nerves went haywire. He stopped just in front of her, though, and asked, “Will you read it to me?”

Nesta’s eyes went wide, scanning the hazel ones she’d come to love so much. She saw only love and a hint of amusement staring back at her, so she whispered, “Okay,” and opened the envelope. With a few deep breaths, she began to read.

“Cassian. My best friend, my love. The biggest brute on the planet.

I don’t know how else to put this, but when I think about who I was when we first met, I can’t help but feel that I fell in love with you by accident. Don’t get me wrong, I am so glad that I did. But you know me, I hate accidents. I hate when things don’t go the way I want them to. And that’s you in a nutshell. I never know what’s going to happen, but I’m here for it, along for the ride for the rest of my life.

You know my past better than anyone else, even my sisters. All of the things that happened with Tomas… if none of that had happened, I wouldn’t have found you. I can even say I’m thankful for your past girlfriends, knowing that you wouldn’t be the man I know without them. We may fight, we may not be perfect, but that doesn’t stop me from loving you and hoping you love me in return.

Because I want it all, Cassian. I want you and all the complications you may come with. I want to kiss you randomly just because I can. I want to brighten your dreary Mondays, for you to wrap your arms around me while I cook, and everything in between.

You’re the one I want, Cass, in any way you’ll have me. Picture frames, dirty dreams, you name it.”

Nesta paused, steadying herself for the next part. She wiped the tears that started to fall from her eyes as she read. When she looked at Cassian, she could see the silver lining his own eyes as he gave her a watery smile. The smile she can’t imagine living without ever again. Steeling herself, she asked, “Are you going to make me do the knee thing?”

The corner of Cassian’s mouth turned up higher at that, decorating his face with that smirk that’s gotten him into so much trouble in the past. “You know how I like to see you on your knees in front of me, Nes,” he teased, making Nesta’s heart stutter.

“Brute,” she mumbled. “Fine.” Nesta adjusted her dress as she got down on one knee, holding the note in her palms. “I know this isn’t a shiny ring or anything fancy, but I don’t need any of that. I only need you, Cass. You’re the one I want until we’re taken to the next life and every moment after that as well. Will you marry me?”

Cassian hesitated for only a split second before he was on his knees in front of her, her face in his hands. “You stole my thunder,” he accused, his voice playful. When Nesta only stared at him with a cocked brow, he chuckled. She watched as he reached into his jean pocket and pulled out a small velvet, black box. Nesta couldn’t contain her gasp as he opened it to reveal a perfectly cut ruby set on a simple silver band. “You’re the only one for me, Nes. You’ve always been the only one for me.”

Nesta stared at the ring. “Cass…” she whispered.

“Are you sure you don’t want the shiny things? I can return this…”

“Don’t you dare,” she snapped. “Ring me.” Nesta stuck her left hand in Cassian’s face. He laughed but removed the ring from the box to slip it onto her ring finger.

They both watched in silence, the air buzzing with anticipation, as Cassian pushed the ring past her first knuckle then the second. Until it metaphorically clicked into place at the bottom of her finger.

A perfect fit.

Nesta launched herself at Cassian, tackling him to the deck with a searing kiss. Her heart thundered wildly, their tongues tangling as the words engaged, fiance, and future husband played on repeat in her mind like her favorite song. She pulled back to look down at her best friend, her everything, his eyes shining right back at her.

“I love you, Nes,” he said, voice low but thick with emotion.

“Until the end of time,” she replied with another kiss.

---

Thanks for reading! If you’d like to be added to/taken off my general SJM tag list just send me an ask and be sure to include the fandom! i’m very good at losing them in the comments. love y’all!

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#nessian #nesta archeron #cassian #acotar #acotar fanfic #fluff #nessian fanfic #fanfiction #usermegs

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hlizr50 · 3 years

Text

Update: The Raven and the Songbird

Chapter 4

Gwyn is coping. Merrill is the worst. Az is... Az.

Read on AO3

Gwyn rubbed her eyes, the book spines blurring in front of her. It didn’t help that she’d been banished to one of the lower levels, where the dark creeped between the stacks and threatened to follow her. It also didn’t help that she had barely slept the night before. And that she’d come to the library straight from training.

It had been six days since she’d woken up bleary-eyed after Azriel had left her in the rain. And, as she’d thought, things were better. She had thrown herself into training and work, but she felt good about how she was managing.

She was tired.

But she could deal with that.

Merrill, of course, had sunk her claws into Gwyn’s wounds almost immediately, but she knew how to handle the haughty, hateful priestess. The first few days had been rough, but she sang to herself through the extra hours she spent in the library and let the melodies accompany her as she shelved and retrieved the tomes Merrill had demanded.

Azriel had even returned to training, which was oddly comforting despite this new distance between them. It was almost normal again – Cassian with the advanced females and Azriel with the novices. Neither of them lingered after like they used to, but she couldn’t help stealing a glance or two in his direction.

She would have to work on that.

With the last book shelved and her cart filled with new volumes for the white-haired priestess, Gwyn began the trek back up the ramp. She tried not to think about what Merrill would say when she found out that Gwyn couldn’t locate one of the tomes on the shelves. She’d looked at every pile left on a table or desk but couldn’t locate it. If she hadn’t already taken too long she would have started inquiring with every priestess she could find –

“Where is that miserable girl?”

The freckles on Gwyn’s nose bunched as she scowled, Merrill’s screech echoing over the ramps. She inhaled deeply and breathed out her sigh, steeling herself for the encounter.

“I’m on my way, sister!” Her legs burned with the extra effort it took to push the cart laden with leather-bound parchment. With her extra time in the library – to help her minimize the time when she was idle and alone – her body was still adjusting to the additional walking, pushing, and lifting.

Library work really was good conditioning.

Merrill was no longer at the rail when she reached level four so Gwyn pushed the cart through the stacks and down the hall to the sister’s office. Papers and books were strewn about, and the copper-haired priestess wondered how she could possibly keep everything straight. Of course, she’d had Gwyn to help – that was how.

“I hope you found the time between frolicking and singing to do what I asked of you?”

“Merrill, I was fully focused on your task,” she searched for a way to satisfy the female. “The work just makes me so happy I can’t help but sing.” Gwyn pasted a bright smile on her face as she lugged a stack into the office, searching for any clear surface that might hold them.

“Foolish Gwyneth,” Merrill hissed, not deigning to look at her. “Have you ever thought that some of the females here don’t want your songs thrust upon them? Have you ever thought about how they might feel seeing you so joyous when they cannot be?”

The younger priestess stilled, arms growing heavy with the weight of the tomes in her grasp. She hadn’t considered that, ever. The library was a place of sanctuary and healing, and she had been experiencing those things. She had never noticed if any of the other sisters were affected by it. Surely Clotho would have mentioned something to her if there had been complaints.

“Selfish, wretched girl.”

Gwyn sighed and set the books down as gently as she could on the corner of a small end table.

“I couldn’t find the third volume of The Continent. One of the other priestesses must have it. But I’m going to inquire with them now.” She turned to leave, hoping she could make it before the wintry female could toss more vitriol at her.

“Pathetic, Gwyneth. To prance around happy and content when you can’t even perform your basic duties. When you play at being strong and brave yet can’t manage to leave the library. You should learn that you are not special. You are utterly plain and ordinary and you should behave as such.” Gwyn kept walking although her shoulders sagged. She knew she wasn’t special – had never thought herself better than anyone else. But she also knew she wasn’t ordinary. She had been training in combat for more than a year. She counted some of the most powerful fae in Prythian among her friends. She had won the Illyrian Blood Rite.

But Merrill, of course – the cunning white witch – had snagged a claw in one of her buried insecurities and dangled it before her, as if it were on display for all to see. Gwyn still wasn’t comfortable with venturing into the city, for all of her growth and accomplishments. She walked proudly most days with a smile pulling at her lips, secure in her body and strength and heart. But somehow Merrill always knew what to say, where to push and prod. She had joked with Nesta that she must be daemati and would just gaze into Gwyn’s mind as if it were her own.

Nesta had just said she was a bitchy old crone stuck in a fae body, doomed to live for a near-eternity, and she was just bitter about being alive for so long.

The priestess grinned to herself as she went in search of… well, anyone. She pictured the list of females that she would have to check off, one by one, to ensure she found the missing volume. She was nimbly navigating the stacks when a familiar voice reached her.

“Gwyn! Somehow I knew I’d find you still here.” Gwyn paused and turned toward Nesta’s call, smiling wide at her Valkyrie sister. She noticed how the eldest Archeron had started wearing her hair down and smiling easily, and Gwyn felt her heart swell to see happiness reflected in those once-frigid eyes.

“Nesta,” she sighed as they met for an embrace. “What brings you down here at this hour?”

“Well you weren’t in your room,” Nesta fixed her with a pointed look before echoing, “at this hour. You’ve been working a lot.” Not an assessment, nor an observation. Just a statement to the priestess, a signal that she was onto her.

Gwyn flashed the most convincing serene smile she could muster and beckoned for her friend to walk with her. If Merrill caught her dilly-dallying she was as good as dead. “Merrill has been very demanding lately. Spending more time here helps me accomplish more and helps me make sure she gets what she needs.” She avoided Nesta’s skeptical reaction, knowing full well the look in those eyes would burn right through her defenses.

“So… you’re working yourself to exhaustion to appease that witch?”

Gwyn couldn’t very well admit that she needed to stay occupied, or that her exhaustion wasn’t just because of long working hours.

“You know how much I value her research, Nesta. It’s worth a little extra effort.” The two warriors continued to wander through the stacks, Gwyn making sure to eyeball every stray pile of books in search of volume three of The Continent.

“Well, tomorrow night you’re taking off,” Nesta mused, breaking the companionable silence. The young priestess halted, mouth opening to argue. “You’re spending the night with Emerie and me.”

“Nesta –“

“No, Gwyn. You’ve been working constantly, barely talking to us after training. We miss you.” She gave Gwyn the most un-Nesta-like face, pouting her lower lip and widening those ice-gray eyes. “Pretty please, Gwynnie?”

“Oh you know I hate when you call me that,” Gwyn huffed. But her nose crinkled with her grin as she reached up and pinched her friend’s cheek. “How could I say no to that face, though?” The Valkyries giggled together and Nesta leaned in to kiss her sister’s cheek.

“Perfect. Six o’clock, the House library. We’ll have dinner and dessert and books and Mother knows what else.” Gwyn smiled as Nesta gave her a look. “Don’t work too late, Gwyn. You’re tired. I can tell.”

“Oh, quit worrying you busybody,” she shooed Nesta away as she stuck out her tongue. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

~~~

Azriel paced around the group of novices, shrewdly observing footwork, weight distribution, and body position as they moved through their stretching and grounding exercises. Despite his neutral expression he was relatively impressed. It wasn’t like him to offer praise in the training ring – that was more Cassian’s and Gwyn’s nature – but he could acknowledge consistent improvement he was seeing.

“Alright, take a break,” he let his voice rise into the summer afternoon. “Get some water. We’ll start working core in a few minutes.” The shadowsinger quirked his lip as he ignored their groans and strode over to the other side of the training ring, where his shadows had been pulling him. They had been particularly insistent since he returned to training, eager to be nearer to a certain priestess after so long apart. Cassian stood, arms crossed, observing the sparring matches between the advance females. Gwyn and Nesta were a blur of punches, feints, and footwork as Azriel stopped next to the general.

“Berdara is sluggish. Watch,” Cassian muttered, and Az forced his gaze toward that ribbon-tied hair shining like copper in the sun. Even with her face red with exertion he could see the bruise-like circles under her eyes and the tightness in her features. Her breathing was ragged, shoulders slouched, weight too far on her heels.

“She’s dropped her left elbow every time she side-steps. She’s lucky Nesta hasn’t targeted that shoulder.” Azriel tried to sound like the seasoned teacher and watchful warrior, not belying the concern blooming within him.

“She’s lucky she’s talented enough with hand-to-hand. If they had weapons I would sideline her,” the general growled, frustrated. “It’s not safe for her to fight in that condition.” As soon as he said it Nesta’s foot connected with Gwyn’s shoulder. She swiped the priestess’ feet out from under her as she staggered and she fell with a resounding thud on her back. Azriel winced as he tried to control his twirling shadows – they wanted to go to her, to make sure she was okay. It was an effort not to give in to them.

“Water, you two!” Cassian called over as Nesta and Emerie pulled Gwyn to her feet. The spymaster’s eyes narrowed as he watched her. She bent over, hands braced on her knees, panting. Likely that fall had knocked the wind out of her. He looked up in time to see Nesta approaching, water in hand.

“Well fought, Archeron.” Azriel dipped his chin, acknowledging her effort.

“No. I’m not going to claim that victory.” She shook her head before looking to her mate. “She’s not herself.”

The shadowsinger bristled and his shadows seemed to twitch around him.

“What’s going on with her, then?” Cassian asked.

“I’m not sure. I know she’s working double shifts in the library. I’m not sure how she’s sleeping but she seems tired.” Nesta looked between the two Illyrians. “Even if she’s sleeping fine, spending extra time getting berated by Merrill can’t be healthy.”

Azriel grimaced. The priestess – Merrill – had a reputation, to be sure. And to hear that Gwyn was putting herself under so much stress was alarming. He glanced back across the ring and studied her. No laughter, no shining smile.

“I’ve staged an intervention for tonight. She’s spending the night here with me and Emerie.” Azriel felt Nesta’s eyes on him as she spoke. “We’ll get to the bottom of it.” When he dared to glance to the side he found them both with shrewd stares centered on him.

“What?” He knew his attempt at nonchalance was pitiful.

“Nothing to offer, Azriel? No thoughts you’d like to share?” Nesta raised her brow to challenge him. Azriel held his mask firmly in place, stoic and cold. But his chest was a chasm, guilt rushing in like a waterfall. He knew… he knew the changes they were seeing were because of him. He turned unseeing eyes across the ring, struggling to find a place to focus. But that copper-spun hair shining in the heat of the afternoon grounded him, a tether to reality. He couldn’t get the sound of her crying out of his head as he took in her wan features and sagging posture. Smoky tendrils settled over his shoulders in resignation.

He had been a fool. A coward.

He had been wrong to walk away.

Azriel turned from Cassian and his mate without a word, ignoring the questioning gazes and the racing thoughts. Instead he slipped into that quiet, observant, demanding presence with the females under his charge.

“Alright, ladies. You’ve had long enough. Time for core.”

He didn’t even grin like he usually did when they begrudgingly obeyed, his mind too full and his soul too empty.

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#gwynriel fanfiction #gwynriel fic #gwynriel supremacy #azriel x gwyn #gwyneth berdara #azriel shadowsinger #azwyn #acotar fanfic #acosf #ao3 #fanfiction

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dani-reads-bookish-things · 3 years

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My take on Azriel’s POV

Long post incoming but if you’d like one psychologist’s take on Azriel, please keep reading! This is my first time posting. I came to the fandom ~2.5 years ago, and I thought that everyone had said everything that needed to be said at the time but with a new book, I’m very interested in participating in the fandom theories and interpretations!

So I’m a psychologist and part of my job is to take data and interpret what I think it means. I have a specific set of lenses that I look through, and am I sometimes wrong? Absolutely, but that’s something I always disclose, that it might be trial and error, I try to make all the information make sense, and ask for feedback. I am also always very intentional with my language and word choice in my work. I am by no means trying to say I have the best grasp on mental health or think that my viewpoint is 100% accurate, but I just want to explain some of the psychological things and writing choices that stood out to me.

I think the thing that has bothered me most is people being upset and uncomfortable with Az’s POV and how he views Elain. More so because I think it’s a misunderstanding, but of course, everyone is entitled to their own interpretation and reactions.

SJM is always intentional about what she does so I was curious as to why she left out emotional/romantic words and writing in Az’s POV and maybe that is what bothered others about it (it didn’t bother me, give me more horny Az please). He didn’t express any longing or emotional/romantic feelings towards Elain (and neither with Gwyn and I’m not going to discuss shadow interaction at all because that’s a whole other post). His behavior, to me, definitely did convey longing and romantic interest though. I wouldn’t say it was normal, but it wasn’t abnormal that he keeps the medicine gift on his nightstand and stares at all the time and hasn’t used it once. It’s meaningful to him in some way (I have my own interpretation as to why but I’ll leave that out for now and just focus on what it does mean behaviorally). He pleasures himself in the dark of night with thoughts and images of Elain after even his Shadows have gone to sleep (which I interpreted to mean that he doesn’t want this separate entity but also part of him to know about how he wants and desires Elain).

I think Azriel, who has a history of not feeling worthy of his romantic interests per Mor, doesn’t allow himself to be hopeful for himself. As he’s contemplating kissing Elain he thinks, But he could have this. This one moment, and maybe a taste, and that would be it. To me, Azriel just wants this one moment of happiness and to give into his desires and then he’d be satisfied for the rest of his life (I don’t think he would, but it still says a lot about how he views himself and what he wants out of life IMO). So I think he hasn’t allowed himself to fully be hopeful and give into the growing feelings for Elain because he doesn’t think he’s worthy of her and doesn’t believe that they could actually have a relationship for whatever reasons (mainly the mating bond it seems, could be more to it). After he leaves Rhys, he thinks, He'd been so vigilant about keeping away from Elain as much as possible, and had stayed up here to avoid her, and tonight...tonight had proved he'd been right to do so. So some internal belief he had (that is most likely untrue because that’s how anxiety works. Not that anxious feelings aren’t valid, just that we overthink or think things will be worse than what is actually real), was “proven” right to him.

Furthermore, when Rhys says, “So you’ll what? Seduce her way from him?” (Another word choice example that stood out and bothered me (but is intentional), as if Elain belongs to Lucien, which in this world with the mating bond, it is seen this way, but I think Elain would disagree with Rhys.) the book says Azriel said nothing. He hadn't gotten that far with his planning, certainly not beyond the fantasies he pleasured himself to. I’ve seen plenty of people cite this is as more evidence of Elriel not being endgame because Azriel hasn’t thought of a future with Elain. But if we continue down the trail of the psychology of Azriel, I think it’s more representative of him NOT allowing himself to go that far, because if he dreams and fantasizes about this grand love story with Elain, and then it doesn’t come true? That’s more hurtful for someone like him, to have dreamed and lost, than to have never dreamed at all.

So it just bothers me when people say “Elain and Az are so toxic, he definitely needs to be with Gwyn, and she can help him better than Elain could.” Um no, Az the is common denominator in all this (insert TikTok sound: We are not rehab for broke men), so neither of these girls should be seen as more worthy or better for him. Az needs to work through this on his own and unlearn the mental pathways he has in his brain, and if either girl is by his side and makes him realize things, good. But they are not in any way responsible for his mental well being and recovery, they can definitely help if they wish to.

I don’t want to say that that Az’s behavioral/mental patterns are unhealthy as in it’s bad (because that conveys judgment in my world and I try to stay away from that language unless something is clearly unhealthy), but I think you could say it’s not healthy as in it’s not good. Because I don’t want people to believe that people who have this mind frame or mental pathways (because I’ve seen children and adults that demonstrate this mindset) to think that it is wrong or bad, or that they can’t have meaningful relationships while they have this mindset, because it’s possible for people to have meaningful relationships and be on the road to a healthier mindset simultaneously, but definitely something that needs to be worked on so that relationships to be more successful and have less barriers.

Because also saying that he can’t be in a relationship with Elain (while simultaneously pushing a relationship with Gwyn, and I know this isn’t all of Gwyn and Az supporters) also then disparages all the characters and relationships that SJM has ever written. All of her characters are processing trauma and feelings when they enter relationships. These relationships aren’t perfect which is what makes them realistic. When Feyre accepts the mating bond with Rhys, she tells him, “I want you to know that I am broken and healing, but every pieces of my heart belongs to you.” Azriel’s mental state does not make him any less deserving of a relationship. In the real world, is it best for sometimes to take time for yourself, maybe go to therapy? Yes, but this faerie world, therapy the way we know isn’t an option and so healing happens in different ways and through relationships.

Do I believe Elriel is endgame? I so want to believe it because I think both Elain and Az compliment and balance each other. Other people have made glorious posts on this, so I won’t go into it. But I think Elain’s journey and book would focus on her identity, standing up for herself, being the person who she wants to be, going for what she wants, being more than just a pretty face and seen as someone who needs to be protected all the time; which I think is something her sisters AND Azriel need to learn (Yes, it was cute and made me squeal when Az told Amren that there was a darkness to the Trove that Elain should not be exposed to, but buddy, Elain is going to surprise us all, you included).

So if this is route that is taken, I think Azriel could learn a lot from Elain being that optimistic fighter and believer in love, that no mating bond itself is going to dictate who she can want and can or can’t have. Because whether she ends up with Lucien or Azriel, the only thing I believe is certain is that the mating bond with Lucien will be addressed, and that will require her standing up for herself and being clear about what she wants.

#elriel #elain x azriel #elain archeron #azriel #azriel x elain #acosf #acotar5 #elain

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julemmaes · 3 years

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We Have To

Nesta Archeron x Cassian modern au

A/N: I’M SO SORRY THIS IS SOME WEEKS LATE, BUT I MADE IT, I DID IT!!!!

@darkshadowqueensrule ELLA THIS IS FOR YOU. I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS FLUFFY;) THING AS MUCH I DID PLANNING AND WRITING IT AND I HOPE IT BRINGS YOU JOY

Word count: 3,098

Cassian had so much to do that day that he cursed himself for not thinking of everything sooner. He had already bought the flowers for Nesta, who lay in the seat next to him, and the smell of the food and spices their neighbor had given him was already intoxicating him. He just hoped it wouldn't get too cold by the time they got to Azriel and Emerie's house. They were all going to be there, as they did every year, to celebrate Nesta's birthday in company, but before joining their family, Cassian had to pick up each of his four children from school.

He arrived almost immediately at the school of the youngest, Alesia and Becan, and smiled when he saw them on the edge of the sidewalk, waiting for the line of cars to flow by until theirs would appear in the parking lot.

They were only a year apart, but Alesia was the oldest, and in the last year she had grown so much that Cassian's heart ached every time he looked at her. She was starting to look like Nesta and he couldn't have been happier, even though she was losing the light blonde hair that was being replaced by the classic light brown color of the Archeron sisters.

Becan, on the other hand, looked exactly like Leka, his oldest son, and both were the exact copy of Cassian, it was as if they weren't even Nesta's children. Both of his little men looked older than they were, and they never failed to have that silly, cocky grin on their faces - as Nesta used to point out.

When the two children saw the familiar car they lit up, pointing him out to the teacher and starting to run towards him. Alesia was the first to catch up and got in right away, pulling up Becan's backpack, which at times seemed to tower over him as big as it was.

"Hello gorgeous." said Cassian turning to his children.

"Hi daddy!" they both yelled.

He reached out a hand to his daughter's head, fixing her hair behind her ear and then turned to his son, "What did you guys do today?"

Becan was arranging his backpack next to him with a frown on his face, "I had English and we got to plurals and the teacher said we're great, but I didn't understand why I can't say foots." concluded the youngest looking directly at him. Alesia beside him giggled, turning to face her father as well.

Cassian's eyes went wide with amusement, restraining himself from laughing, "What do you mean?"

"Why do I have to say feet?" the boy asked, arching an eyebrow, "Why can't I just say foots, or mouses?" then he shrugged, curling the corner of his mouth, "We'll never know."

"It's the irregulars," Alesia beat him to the punch, still looking at him for approval. Cassian smiled at her and nodded slightly, "There are no real rules, you just have to read a lot of texts."

A car in line behind them honked and Cassian huffed, turning back to the steering wheel, "Seatbelts please." he waited to hear the click of both children before driving off towards Xhuli's school, his first daughter. He turned on the radio, keeping the volume low enough to hear what his children were telling him.

He was more relaxed than in years past, oddly enough. He was always so fidgety during this time of year, and when Nesta's birthday came around, he couldn't help but remember all the times they had been young and celebrated for days on the beaches of Adriata, waiting for the sun to go down and rise the next day from over the mountains. He couldn't help but think of all the little gifts he gave her - the shells, the stones, the flowers - that Nesta had kept throughout the years to come and that still sat on the middle shelf of the bookcase in their room.

He thought about how the light from the coastal region was a gift from the gods, the way it had lit up Nesta's clear eyes every holy time, making them shine just for him.

He sighed, running a hand through his hair, focusing on his daughter's words.

"Then during the break Ella gave me a piece of her snack and I gave her a piece of mine," Alesia yawned, then nodded thoughtfully, "She's nice."

"And did you manage to do the geography test or was it too hard?" he asked her, turning into the street of Xhuli's school.

"It went well, I think," she murmured, "although I couldn't remember the name of the mountains in Illyria, what are they called?" she asked curiously, leaning forward. Cassian restrained himself from telling her to sit down in the seat, as an unnatural fear welled up inside him.

He cast a glance at Becan as well, to make sure he was buckled in properly as well.

"Myrmidons." sighed Cassian, returning his eyes to the road as his heart sped up in his chest.

"Yeah!" shouted Alesia, grunting, "The Myrmidons." then slammed a hand on her forehead dramatically.

"Are we going to Uncle Az's?" asked Becan suddenly.

Cassian parked the car under the big oak tree where he always waited for Xhuli to get out of school and unbuckled his belt, turning to face his kids, "We have to pick up Leka first, then we'll stop by mom's and then we'll all go to Az's together, yeah." he replied, reminding them that they wouldn't be eating at home today and they wouldn't have to wait for the oldest to come back with the bus. Becan nodded, yawning as well, and Alesia laughed, reaching over to stick a finger in his mouth until he had it wide open.

Cassian laughed when Becan closed his teeth on her finger and Alesia wailed, retracting her hand instantly afterwards.

The little boy unbuckled his belt, "Can I show you what I made for mommy?" he asked his dad. Cassian nodded excitedly, smiling at him, but feeling his heart tighten in his chest, "It's not beautiful, but the teacher said it's the thought that counts."

At that he snorted, because it sounded like something Teacher Aelin might have said, but the laugh was short-lived, because Becan showed him a drawing of them. It wasn't a masterpiece, as the child had already anticipated, but you could see how much effort he had put into coloring inside the lines, going over the edges with markers. He and Nesta were in the middle of the paper and holding hands, lying on what Cassian imagined were beach towels on the sand, while their four children were all in the water and playing catch.

"It's Adriata." he whispered, swallowing noisily and handing the drawing back to his son, "It's really beautiful, you've improved so much since last year."

Becan beamed all over, thanking him and settling back in his seat, bringing the drawing to his lap. Cassian turned around when he heard his new teenager's voice ring out not far from them and smiled, seeing that she was running to the car, waving her hand at him. He raised his own, waving back.

"And I made this card," the little girl said, pushing something shiny between the two front seats. Cassian wanted to laugh at the amount of pink and gold glitters on that thing. "But I don't know if mom will like this cause it's very sparkly."

"I'm sure she'll love it." he said, smiling reassuringly at his daughter through the rearview mirror. "What did you write inside?"

"That I love her and that I-" she couldn't finish the sentence, because Xhuli had flung the door wide open.

"Hello everyone!" she squealed, picking up the flowers and putting them on her legs, getting into the car. She turned to Cassian, leaving a quick kiss on his cheek and turning to her siblings right after, "Are you ready to play ride or die all afternoon?" she cheered them on with a bright smile on her face.

Alesia and Becan shrieked in delight, jerking their hands in the air and Cassian shook his head, his eyes wide, "Why do you always have to instigate them to play that awful game?" he asked her as he settled into his seat, "Someone always ends up getting hurt and crying."

Xhuli chuckled, shrugging, "It's always Tedian or Daorsa anyway."

Cassian looked at her open-mouthed, "Xhuli."

"What?" she asked equally dumbfounded, then huffed, looking ahead, "Even Uncle Rhys always says they're whiners and should learn to take jokes," she told him with a pointed look, "And he's their father."

He shook his head, running his hand over his face, "If your mother were here-"

"She'd tell me to make them cry harder probably," Xhuli chuckled again, "Come on you go, I can't wait to eat Aunt Emerie's meat pie."

"Belts." laughed Cassian, not leaving until he was sure everyone was buckled in.

The drive to Leka's high school was longer, considering he was studying downtown, but Cassian relaxed a bit as Xhuli distracted the little ones, focusing on the road.

"I got a nine in literature today," the oldest daughter said, catching his attention. Shifting his gaze to her for a moment he noticed that she was torturing her hands, playing with one of the rings Nesta left her.

He gave her a warm smile, "It's a really good grade, I'm proud of you."

"And I finished the correction before the others, so I did something for mom," she said in a more uncertain voice, starting to rummage through her backpack. He couldn't see her face, but he knew her cheeks were red. "It's crap."

Cassian really didn't understand where all the low self-esteem that seemed to be in each of his children that day was coming from. He guessed that the idea of doing something that Nesta might not like scared them as much as it had scared him in the early days of dating.

They stopped at a red light and Xhuli held out the small blue piece of paper toward him.

He opened his eyes wide again, admiring the way she'd folded each corner, where she'd decorated the still visible parts of the paper, until it was a beautiful heron in flight.

"Baby," he breathed, "I know I'm supposed to scold you for doing this at school, but-" he chuckled, shaking his head, "it's beautiful." and a relieved, very short laugh escaped her lips.

"Thanks, dad."

They arrived shortly thereafter at Leka's school, who was standing on the sidewalk and looking annoyed. When the car stopped just ahead of where he was, Becan unbuckled his seatbelt, shifting into the middle seat, but his older brother opened the passenger door, nodding to Xhuli, "Get in the back."

"Excuse me?" his sister asked, genuinely shocked.

Leka clenched his jaw and looked at her with dark eyes. Cassian knew immediately that something was wrong.

The son huffed, "I said go to the back."

"No," Xhuli shook her head, "I got here first and you're always in the front."

"Stop that right now," his father scolded them both. Then he crossed Leka's gaze and his son looked over the car, across the road.

Xhuli had a deep frown on her face, "He started it."

Cassian sighed, looking at the girl, "Could you please get in the back?" when she gaped, he clasped his hands around the steering wheel, "I know, you're already sitting in the front and it would be so much easier and faster if he just got in the back, but it's a hard day for him and-"

"It's not hard just for him," she retorted, in a tone of voice Cassian had never heard her use. She sounded like Nesta at that moment, authoritative rather than condescending.

"Please," he whispered, looking into her eyes.

Xhuli must have seen something in his gaze, because she huffed and gathered up her stuff, before walking out and giving her brother a shove. Leka didn't even seem to mind and dropped into the seat next to Cassian, quickly buckling himself in and resting his hood-covered head against the window.

"Leka-"

"Just drive, please," he murmured, not even looking at his father.

The relatively cheerful air that had been there up until that point had disappeared completely, and even when Becan had tried to get his older brother's attention, he hadn't paid any attention to him at all. Xhuli had tried to point out to him that he was being an asshole, but Cassian had snapped at her, and told her to apologize straight away.

They'd started talking about who would give their mom the gift first, and Cassian had more felt than seen, Leka tense up at his siblings' words. He had taken deep, shuddering breaths and it had taken all his strength for the man not to stop and hug his son in the middle of the road.

The second they pulled up in front of the particularly green and overgrown lawn, the three little ones hopped out of the car without even waiting for their father's permission and started running towards what they knew was their mother's gravestone.

Leka looked away from his siblings, shifting his gaze to his father and then his eyes filled with tears, but nothing fell down his cheeks, "I want to leave."

Cassian felt his heart in his throat, his hands trembling around the steering wheel.

"I want to go home, I don't want to go to the uncles," Leka continued, shaking his head, "I want to get out of here."

"Leka..." he tried again, reaching out a hand toward him. His son smacked his arm, pushing him away. Cassian closed his eyes.

"No!" he shrieked into the silence of the cockpit. His eyes were wide and he was struggling to breathe, "Why do we have to do this every year? It's sick." he spat at him.

Cassian shifted his gaze to his children, the ones who were now kneeling in front of his wife's grave. In front of the grave he took such good care of as he had taken care of Nesta while she was alive. Alesia was opening the card she had drawn at school and he saw a pool of glitter fall on the grass in front of them.

He turned to Leka, feeling his eyes water, "We need-"

"We don't need anything." he interjected again, more angrily, "You, you need this thing, because you can't seem to get away from mom."

Cassian jerked back at those words, opening his eyes even wider.

Leka seemed satisfied with that reaction because he continued, "She died five fucking years ago," he spoke through his teeth, "and you still bring me here and make me stand in front of her grave for an hour like it's going to do me any good, like talking to a fucking stone is going to help me." his son's voice cracked at the end of the sentence and tears slid down his skin. Cassian let go of a breath as his heart tightened in his chest more with every word Leka said.

"Stop it, you don't mean that," Cassian murmured, turning toward the gravestone-covered lawns, catching sight of some other relative who had come to visit a lost loved one.

"Yes, dad, I do," Leka shouted, "and being here so long, it hurts me! Just being here makes me so sick I can't breathe, and it makes me miss mom so much I can't think." a sob broke Cassian's breath, and he forced himself to look at his son. Leka was in no better condition than he was. "We come here and I can't think," he sobbed.

His face flushed, his breathing short, tears now falling without concern. He was opening and closing the fingers of his hands, looking for something to distract him from the pain so deep and inescapable that was grief.

Nesta Archeron, mother of four beautiful children and wife of the luckiest man in the world, had died in a car accident just a week after turning thirty-five. It didn't take long to realize that the news had shattered not only the family, but the entire neighborhood.

Cassian didn't remember much about the first few months after Nesta's death, always in a delirious state between anger and despair, but when it had taken shape in his head, when his body and mind had finally been ready to accept that this was now his new reality, another kind of grief, completely different from what he had experienced up until that moment, had taken over.

His children had needed him. And he hadn't been there for them.

Nesta would have been ashamed of him.

That had made him wake up somehow.

The idea of Nesta watching him, from wherever she was at that moment, and judging him for the way he had abandoned everything - for the way he had abandoned their children - had revived him and made him find his place in the lives of his daughters and sons.

And now, as he looked into his son's pitch-brown eyes, he couldn't speak, just as he had years before.

"Dad." Leka begged him in a broken voice, "Please let's go home."

Cassian shook his head, closing his eyes, "I can't."

Leka burst into tears, bringing both hands to his face to cover the grimace of pain and suffering as his body was shaken by loud sobs. Cassian placed a hand on his back, crying silently in turn, and Leka didn't take half a second before he pushed himself to him and let his father cradle him in his arms.

"I miss her so much." whispered Cassian as he wrapped his son up, "Every day."

Leka made a sound much like an animal that had just been shot before he resumed crying more loudly, "I miss mom."

His heart clenched so tightly in his chest that Cassian thought he was going to die, "I know."

"I miss mom." repeated Leka, pressing his face against his chest.

"We'll make it through, for her." murmured Cassian, clasping his hands around his jacket and bringing him as close to him as he could. He could feel Leka shaking, and he just wanted Nesta to be there with them, to help him fix the mess that was their lives. Watching Becan as he picked up the paper bird and flew it high above them, he thought he could never make it without the love of his life, but he still said, "We have to."

A/N: There’s one thing I always tell my readers, be aware of the winky faces;) I leave them anywhere I plan on destroying people’s hearts, so yeah, you’ve kinda been warned about the fact that this was NOT going to be fluff, I hope you liked it anyway, goodnight guys:)

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#nesta archeron #nesta #cassian #nessian #nessian fic #acosf #nessian baby #nessian children #acotar #acomaf #acowar #acofas #acotar ff #a court of silver flames #nesta x cassian #cassian x nesta

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bookofmirth · 3 years

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If you have the time/energy I would love to hear more of your thoughts about Az's persona! He's such an interesting character to me, and I feel like most of the theories I see about him centre around elain, and how his behaviour is mate behaviour (the double bond thing). Personally I think azriel has a lot of anger, isnt very open with his friends, and also feels like he has to be the one to fix everything (this comes out with elain but also all his relationships).

Can I just start this off by saying “what the fuck” at the double/true/created bond thing. I’ve seen some WILD shit out there in the fandom, wild.

I have been writing and deleting and copy/pasting etc. this post forever and I can’t decide how to approach it, so I hope this makes sense! I didn’t pull out a ton of quotes because tbh it’s a lot of work and I’ve read these books???? So many times. And this is tumblr, not comprehensive exams.

I would agree with your characterization of Azriel!

Anger - this comes out in really inappropriate times, and I wouldn’t be surprised if he turns his anger around on himself. We all know that Rhys described his “icy rage”, and later on his “cruel competitiveness”.

Lack of communication - yeah, when has he had a heart-to-heart with anyone in this series? When he does, it’s not about making himself feel better, or sharing his own feelings. It’s to be of service to someone else. All the IC have described trying to reach out to him in their own ways, and not being successful.

Needing to fix things - yes! I see this as his need to be of service. He’s always the first one to jump into work. It took Mor hundreds of years to get him to go to Rita’s, right? He’s a workaholic in a world with no labor laws. He always wants to be the one in charge of gathering intel, of finding people, or fixing problems. I think this is closely tied to two things: his lack of self-worth, and his anger. If he can stay busy enough and work hard enough, he can prove his worth to other people, if not to himself. This is why he loses it when Rhys or Feyre tell him that he can’t handle something.

Funny thing, but people who have followed my blog since early 2017 know that I shipped moriel hardcore. I just loved it. I wrote so much meta and fanfic. A lot of the arguments that I see now remind me a lot of arguments people used to make about moriel - and it makes sense! Az’s behavior around both Mor and Elain are eerily similar. So I thought I’d compare his behavior towards them because that can tell us about his character!

To me, his treatment of Elain (and Mor) comes down to two things:

What his mother and Mor suffered (and he was unable to prevent), and

His lack of self-worth due to abuse

Azriel and Mor didn’t know one another very long before she slept with Cassian and was left brutalized by her family. This happened when they were all in their late teens, which is not long after Azriel was tortured by his brothers, rarely let outside, and rarely got to see his mother. At the same time that Azriel sees his mother treated so poorly, he then feels intense guilt and rage at what happens to Mor. It’s enough to make him overreact in the future, any time that Mor (or another female) is in danger. So here are a bunch of examples of him being overprotective of Mor and Elain. But mostly Mor.

In acomaf, Azriel has the audacity to tell Mor no, that she can’t go to the human lands (chapter 41)

“I fought in the War, you will do well to remember-”

“No,” Azriel said again, refusing to break her stare. His shifting wings rasped against the back of his chair. “The would string you up and make an example of you.”

At the end of acomaf he is still highly protective of Mor

Azriel’s head lifted from where he was sprawled in his own blood, eyes full of rage and pain as he snarled at the king, “Don’t you touch her.”

Mor looked at Azriel - and there was real fear there. Fear - and something else. She didn’t stop moving until she again kneeled beside him and pressed a hand to his wound. Azriel hissed-but covered her bloody fingers with his own.

Then in acowar, of course, he explodes at the High Lord meeting after Eris says that Mor dresses like a slut:

Azriel stopped.

Eris gasped for air as those scarred hands loosened. As Azriel turned his face towards me-

The frozen rage there rooted me to the spot.

But beneath it, I could almost see the image that haunted him: the hand Mor had yanked away, her weeping, distraught face as she had screamed at Rhys.

And now, behind us, Mor was shaking in her chair. Pale and shaking.

And of course in acowar Azriel goes with Feyre to rescue Elain. This ties together all of his issues with Mor and his mother. IMHO, Azriel sees Elain as a second chance. He saves Elain in a way he failed to save Mor, and so he begins to transfer his need to protect and serve onto her.

Azriel’s refusal to let Mor assist in dangerous situations is similar to how he says no, Elain cannot help.

Azriel stiffened, an outright sign of temper from him as he said quietly, “There is an innate darkness to the Dread Trove that Elain should not be exposed to.”

*Note that it’s an “outright sign of temper” - not an outright sign of protectiveness, or caring, or concern, or worry.

If being protective of another character is “mate behavior” or sign of a mating bond, then Azriel and Mor would be mated. There is far more evidence of him being overprotective of her than of Elain. So while we know that mates are protective (naturally!), Azriel’s protective tendencies are coming from something else - a combination of his failures to protect his mother and Mor.

In acofas, what Cassian jokes is Az being a stickler for manners in forcing everyone to wait for Elain, Rhys explains as being related to Azriel’s mother - not Elain or Cassian.

Rhys took a bite, gesturing with his knife for me to eat. Let’s just say it hit a little close to home. At my beat of confusion, he added, There are some scars when it comes to how his mother was treated. Many scars.

Again, it seems all well and good that Az was thinking about being polite, but Rhys tells us that it’s because of Azriel’s mommy issues! Which are understandable and important, but a clear example of Azriel trying to make up for poor treatment in one woman by overreacting around another.

In the acosf POV, when Az questions why he wasn’t mated with Elain (and he can smell bonds so wouldn’t he smell his own?) it’s not so much about Elain as the fact that he feels he did everything right this time. He saved the damsel. He was of service. Elain is safe and healthy and she seems much more amenable than Mor ever has. So what did he do wrong? This is the source of his anger, combined with his loneliness and desire for a shiny lovely mating bond of his own.

When we think about Azriel’s motivations, it comes down to service and self-worth. He sees his main value or purpose as saving others from harm, and when he was barely into adulthood he failed in that duty for the two most important women in his life. Hence his need to overcompensate around Mor, and now Elain.

#anon #acotar #acosf #morrigan #elain #azriel #antielriel #anti e*riel

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weirdfanaus · 3 years

Text

The Path that Leads Home

Summary: Azriel, on a mission in Day Court, finds himself in a moment of weakness, but somehow he finds his way back home with a life-changing dream in mind.

Rating: Mature

Words: 3347

Pairing: Azriel (ACoTaR) and Original Character

Author’s Note: All characters except the original one are from A Court of Thorns and Roses. The original one was created by a friend and she allowed me to use her in this story. You can find her under @majolishdustybooks .

No spoilers for A Court of Silver Flames

Also on Ao3

Azriel didn't know what to do.

He had always known what was going on, but now he was lost.

He was in the middle of nowhere, had muddy attire, no trace of the target he was chasing and a mood at its lowest.

He sat down on a stump and felt how his syphons hummed in agreement; they needed a break too. He sighed, combing his hair with his fingers and angled his head towards the warm light.

The sun shone and through the dome of leaves, its rays got to his tanned and tired face.

And the only thing he wanted was to sleep.

Azriel and his spies had been chasing his target for more than three months. And when they found that they had been hiding in a forest over the border with the Day Court, he didn't care who was supposed to take care of them. Thus, he winnowed near the frontier and used his connections and knowledge about that court to pass it as silently as possible.

But the mission after passing it… was not as easy as it was supposed to be.

The Day Court had always meant something else for the Spymaster. He was feeling closer to home, calmer and even younger. His instincts were different than usual and his lazy syphons, having a mind of their own too, were enjoying their time in the court of light more than they should.

He was sitting against another tree, half of the front of his leathers open due to the heat and was trying to find the will to fight the sleep that was slowly conquering his whole body.

A voice broke the silence of the forest, the birds stopped singing and the Illyrian opened an eye and looked at at the owner of the voice:

"Wow! The Night Court's Spymaster sleeping? During daylight? I've lived to see this day! I thought that you, bats, slept only during the night. Is the Night Court no longer good for you, old man? Decided that you preferred the sun over the moon and the stars?"

His siphons suddenly woke up.

"Nice to see you're alive too, Cyra," he replied with a tougher voice, sleep already clouding his body.

"Darn! You really must like me, if you are still half asleep right now."

If it were autumn, her proximity would've been alerted by the fallen leaves. But because they were still enjoying the calm weather and longer days, the summer gave Azriel the lisp of the leaves’ help.

"One of our guards caught Edgard trying to break into the main building." That sentence was a wake-up call for the Spymaster and when he stood up, back in the middle of the clearing, he noted how close he was to the female.

The silence was familiar. He didn’t like to talk too much when it wasn’t needed, but her presence demanded it and his heart and mind was happy to oblige.

And that's why, even though it was not needed, Azriel's right corner of the lip rose and a "Hi" broke the silence.

Cyra's hazel eyes sparkled at his tone and, because of the light, they became greener. Her lips curved in a smile too, while saying: "Hello, Azriel. Nice to see you alive and well. Heard you made new friends."

The male shrugged and stretched his wings lazily, while the female was assessing him, looking judgely. He knew that his wings were something meaningful to her, not only because they were his, but also because of her Illyrian heritage. His wings, scarred and darker than wet tree branches, connected her to her mother, whose wings brought the late female more pain than freedom.

“Can we go to where you hold him? I need to winnow him to the Court of Nightmares and get him to talk.” Cyra was somehow caught by surprise by his voice, but she shook it off fast.

“Yeah, he is kind of asleep now. You hit him hard.” Her voice was calmer, her body more relaxed than usual, not as guarded as she was the first time he met her. Back when she was cold, young and with strands of brown hair flying in the bitter winds of the Winter Court’s mountains, possessing a look in her eyes that would’ve killed him right there.

“It’s of no surprise that you look like you got hit by a volley of arrows. Yeah, minus the blood. That’s all mud and probably… poop.” her hands moved with such speed, while she spoke, that only by looking at them, he felt more tired than before.

“Cyra… I know I look like actual shit, but can we not talk about my attire right now? I would prefer to sleep, I haven’t slept five hours continuously for days and I think that I might pass out.” He stepped towards her in a manner very unlike him and Cyra’s face turned into an open book, worry filling its pages.

“You smell…” was her reply when she caught him right before he could fall. It was a sure thing that she was thinking whether she had a dead man in her arms or not, but his head moved against her hair, white strands finding their way through his dark locks and some even reaching in his mouth. He tried to get rid of them without using his hands, but when he realized there had been no progress made, he tried to use his hands, but the female moved faster than him. “And still act as a baby.” Azriel’s face was empty of any sign of emotion.

One moment they were in the middle of a clearing, in the forest, under the sun and the other they were in the middle of a living room. Warm colours, browns and a lot of white surrounded them then.

He would never get used to the great number of plants in that house. Even though in the years he had known her and they had started to get closer to each other, his house back in Velaris was almost as crowded as the one he was in. Stalks, leaves and flower petals covering almost every surface.

He asked her once, while she was bringing yet another potted plant into his apartment, back in Velaris: “Why are you so keen on growing a forest inside my apartment?”

Cyra just shrugged and while he waited for the more elaborated answer, which was coming, he watched how she played with one of the white hair strands that were framing her face, the rest of it was kept together with a clip.

"More oxygen won't hurt you."

"Yeah, but when there is no light outside, they use my oxygen. So…?"

She made an annoyed face then and raised a finger in his direction. "You are already dark and broody, why not brighten the place a little bit?"

"I get that you don't like my colour preference, even though we are in the Night Court, sweetheart. You didn't have to fill this place that much that I don't have any place to even stand. And it's my apartment!"

The female shrugged, pissed off by his statement. She bit her lip and looked at the plant she was still holding.

"Plants show us that even after weeks of cold weather, there is still a moment when the sun will come and we will have our moment to be reborn. They bring us all joy. I thought you needed some joy in your life, Az."

He had always known, deep down, that happiness would come at some point, even though for much time he had lived in darkness, hurting.

Cyra, with her bright hair and hazel eyes, sometimes even the colour of the plants she loved and cherished, was like the light at the end of the tunnel for him. She brought him joy, freedom and he felt like light, weightless, although he was always in the shadows.

And then, in the Day Court, surrounded by plants and flowers and vegetables, he was home.

But he was still unsure what to do next.

The female started walking around the room, moving blankets on the sofa, opening cabinets and pulling out packages, cans, jars, utensils and plates.

The water was boiling on the stove when he finally decided to talk.

"I should've gone to sort the problem with Edgard."

"Don't worry about him, he will be there after you take a shower and have something to eat. We need to catch up. It's been a while. I want to know everything about your brand new High Lady." Cyra didn't raise her eyes from the cutting board, where vegetables started gathering. But her tone showed that she was in the mood to gossip.

"I heard she likes soup." She rose her eyes to him and cleaned the tomato juice off one of her fingers.

Azriel chuckled at that.

There was a joke between the Inner Circle, about how Feyre gave Rhys canned soup when they sealed the mating bond. And Azriel knew that there was no way, the Spymaster of the Day Court would not find out about it.

She lived off tormenting his friends, usually the males.

"Can I at least have a bite… small bite… from what you have decided to cook?" He tried, but he was very aware that he was full of mud, probably smelled of deer poop and looked like he had got run over by dozens of wild horses. He knew Cyra very well and her eyes told him that he needed to get cleaned as soon as possible and there was nothing else to discuss.

He puffed, sad that he had lost that ‘battle’ and aimed for the bathroom.

The bathroom was the same as he had seen it last. Toiletries spread out on the counter by the sink: toothbrushes, razors and different kinds of soaps, each specially created for certain use.

He swiftly undressed himself and lowered in the already filled magical pool. The water was always warm and his muscles sighed in approval for the moment of peace. The last week had been filled with the smell of grass, branches and flowers. Their pollen sometimes disturbing his senses, a problem, which was once a disadvantage but had been redeemed by knowing the woman in the other room. After all, he basically had a garden in his house back in Velaris.

He rubbed all the mud off and when he decided that he had spent enough time in the bathroom, he got out. And with a towel around his waist, he walked into the bedroom linked to the bathroom.

Sunlight bathed the room and the plants were sprawling towards it. On the bed placed against the wall, right in the middle of the room, sat a pile of clean clothes, black pants and underwear and a white short-sleeved shirt, which he put on.

Back in the kitchen, the female, now with her long white hair bound, was mixing something in a bowl, the water in the pot boiling behind her. He reached it and the smell it emanated was a sign that its contents were done. Opening cabinets with familiarity, Azriel strained the vegetables and dumped them in an empty, clean bowl, placing it on the counter. He seasoned them and watched Cyra take a tray with meat out of the oven.

"Take a plate and pick your favourite." She said, tray in one hand and a fork in the other, gesturing towards a cupboard where he knew she held plates.

Minutes later, the two of them sat at a table by the window, plates before them, glasses filled with lemon water. The sun was covering everything on the table, the flowers in the vase spreading their petals in approval.

Everything in that house loved the sunlight. He preferred it over the darkness of his past and shadows.

"I've heard that Rhysand got a mate." Cyra, even though she wasn't a fan of talking, was the one that usually started a conversation between the two of them.

And this conversation wasn't something he felt like doing after the week he had just had.

"Yeah, he did," was what left his lips as he chose to pick at his vegetables and steak instead of looking at her.

"When?" she stopped eating altogether, now sitting in the chair in a way that favoured conversation.

"When what?"

"When did the mating bond go… boof." she moved her arms as if she had just finished a magic trick.

"I don't know… maybe around the annual snow fight? We were in the Steppes when Feyre found out that Rhys kept the fact that they were mates from her. “

“So, she is what… angry at him, takes some time off from all of you and they sort it out?”

She jumped in, making her usual assumptions, and Azriel just nodded his head in approval. “And they do the whole cook a meal thing and stuff like that.”

“Yeah, something like that.”

“What do you mean by ‘something’?” she looked at him confused.

“Cans.” the word made her burst into pure laughter. She moved her hands and was almost going to spoil a glass’ components on the table, but Azriel caught it just in time.

When she calmed a little, she wiped some tears from her eyes while saying: “If Cassian gets the same treatment, I swear to the Cauldron that the three of you are destined to have mates that know nothing of the culinary arts.”

Azriel just puffed at her statement, which made Cyra shrug and plaster a small smile on her slightly tanned skin.

“She will learn…” he said hopefully, but Cyra just continued to look at him, smiling.

“It’s not like she will starve by not knowing” They looked at each other longly, thinking about a night around 200 years ago in a cabin in summer court, during a horrendous storm and a bag of potatoes.

“At least I knew how to mash potatoes,” she added a second after while grabbing another bite from her serving.

Her words, her tone and her actions right after she said that, made Azriel burst into a laughter of his own. He didn’t stop for a while, thinking of the awkwardness that went on between the two of them that night. Possibly thinking about that she started laughing too.

Still laughing, she collected the dishes off the table when they were finished, his plate almost empty, except for some leaves she used for seasoning.

“How’s Cas?” she asked while cleaning the dishes. Azriel walked around the counter, right from the dining area and propped himself against the now clean marble.

“In the Illyrian Mountains. He is trying to help Feyre's older sister figure life as Fae out.” he said while crossing his arms.

“Oh… is he all right? After what happened during that last battle…”

“It’s been a rough period of time for all of us. And I also know that I should’ve come by sooner…”

“I knew that you were alive. I could feel that you were also well, as much as somebody can be after a war… That’s what mattered,” she told him while drying her hands with a cloth. They looked at each other for seconds that felt more like hours. The silence was familiar, calm and it assured both of them that there was still time left, it wasn't running out, just yet.

“I think…”

“We should…”

They started talking at the same time. And sharing a mind connection had never been weirder and more useless before. But they held their minds from each other most of the time and that path that connected them was used in the most important situations.

And that was one of the reasons why they were that day together, because, in his state, Azriel used that connection to call for help. Help that he knew would come unconditionally.

They had decided decades ago that for this eternity to not be a burden, they needed their space. Also, the secrets of their Courts were bigger than them and they needed to be kept safe.

But the last war woke up something in him. Something that he had known since he had first met her during that mission in the Winter Court.

“You say first.” As she could feel the fight that went on inside his head, she broke the silence. Cyra looked off guard, something that he wasn’t used to, but he had seen before.

His hands were sweating, he was nervous and he didn’t even know why. It wasn’t like that was the first time they shared their hopes, dreams and insecurities with each other.

They were mates.

“I think… I think that we should try to have a baby.” He said. His voice small, eyes partially filled with fear, scared of rejection. He didn’t expect her to be always on the same page as him.

But Cyra didn’t look as angry as he had expected. She played with her fingers, one holding her wedding ring with a blue stone, the same colour as his siphons, which shone in the midday sun. And when she raised her eyes, hazel mixed with silver, she just nodded.

"I think so too."

And his whole world became even brighter than before.

He hugged her and kissed her whole smiling face, forehead, cheeks, nose, eyelids and lastly her lips a couple of times.

Their last kiss was longer than the previous ones, minds open to each other, secrets still hidden in the darkest depths of them, but happiness was buzzing between them.

Their foreheads were together when Cyra opened her eyes to look at him. He could feel her eyes on his face, his olive skin, the scars on his brows and cheeks, the circles under his eyes, but also the wrinkles created by the smile still present.

He started kissing her skin again, but this time his lips took a different path. Her throat was covered by his warm, chapped lips and in their trail, the skin was left wet and sometimes red, from sucking. She brought her arms closer to his neck, fingers running through his dark locks.

Small sounds were leaving her full lips when Azriel’s hands gripped her thighs and she was lifted off the floor and carried to the bedroom.

The sound of a closed door was followed by the rustling of clothes. Laughter filled the air again when the Illyrian stuck his shirt in a talon of his wings, but she helped and they kissed again.

The world seemed to be suddenly set on the right path when they finally joined. His kisses covered the inked skin of her chest, their marriage tattoo set right over each of their hearts. And with each step they took in their dance, they got closer and closer to the end.

Her legs hugged his waist, her arms, his neck, hands massaging his scalp, his elbows on the mattress, one hand at her nape, the other keeping him from crushing her, lips glued and their hearts were over the other, skin on skin, tattoo over tattoo. His hand searched blindly for hers when he felt that they were close to the climax, his movements speeding up. When their fingers laced through each other on the bed, the moment came.

Ragged breaths replaced the sounds of pleasure and their foreheads were once more against the other, bodies still joined and coming down from the high.

“I love you.” Her hoarse breath broke the silence. Her hand covered his cheek, trying to wipe some sweat off of his face. In a movement so similar to a cat’s, Azriel nuzzled his nose, face and hair against her damp face and placed his head in the crook of her neck, kissed the pulse point and hugged her body even more. She replied to his action by moving her hips higher and squeezed his middle. He muffled a swore in her now wild hair.

I love you too. Filled her head and a smile crept on her lips.

#azriel #azriel shadowsinger #a court of thorns and roses #a court of frost and starlight #azriel x oc #azriel x original character #acotar #acofas #weirdfanaus

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