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#and i couldnt tell you because it would make everything harder for you and it would make things worse and i
svnnysidez · 3 months
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thinking about high sex with anton,,,,,,,,, (can i be 🎀 anon too?)
YSYSSYSYSYSYSY, i love smoking so this prompt really is for me 🤭. sorry i got a little excited. and ofc doll you can be 🫶🏻🫶🏻
anton would be so so so sensitive when hes high. at the slightest touch he jolts. and you, you forgot to tell him, but when you get high your sex drive is through the roof. you had invited your best friend anton over just to hang out. then you told him that you had bought a little bit of bud off of your friend the other day and you asked him if he wanted to smoke some with you. ant had never smoked before but he didnt want to look lame in front of you his crush so he obviously said yes. the first couple hits he took he was coughing, especially after you tought him how to inhale properly. he got high so quickly, and short after you were in the clouds as well. taking hits of the third joint you had rolled that night. you'd noticed how everytime you would touch anton in the slightest he'd jolt. and you also noticed how drenched your panties were, oh how he looked at you with his blown out pupils, droopy eyes. god you loved it, you were suprised how he hadnt caught onto you rubbing your thighs together at any chance you could.
you watched how his eyes would flick inbetween your face and the collar of your very low cut top. he had no shame in gawking, if you had even looked at him when he was sober he would get so red and frazzled. but now he was all confident, well confident was a strong word, he just didnt care about the consequences now. your hand making its way upto his chin lifting his face up. him slightly jolting at the contact and his face turning red. "tonnie' do you wan'a touch em' ?" you slurred, your speech messing up because of the high. his eyes widened at your question, and then him taking a deep breath before he nodded rapidly. "go ahead then." you smiled at him. he raised his hand a little bit, it shaking a lot. you laughed a little bit before grabbing his hand and placing it under your shirt over your bra. slightly whining at the touch, he flicked his thumb over your nipple. your head falling into his shoulder biting your lip. "tonnie' need your dick so bad. please can i ride you, need it." you whined into his shoulder. him nodding. "y..yeah need it too." he mumbled and you smiled.
his hand pulling out of your shirt as you quickly pulled off your shorts and panties and he pulled his pants and boxers out. his hard cock springing out of his pants hitting against the white t shirt he had on. he desperately pulled off your top and you undid your bra. letting your tits out of the thin bra. your hands tugging at his shirt desperately and he pulled it off. revealing the delicious figure hidden underneath. his cock long, standing tall against his abdomen, pre-cum leaking out of his swollen tip. you wrap your hand around him his cock was so thick that you couldnt even get your hand all the way around him. that would normally make him so much harder but he was way too focused on your breasts and the way they jiggled with every movement you made. you hovered over his cock and he held his hand on your hips helping you guide your way down. once he pushed into your walls there was so much stretch. more then what you were prepared for. "fuck tonnie! s' big, c..cant take it." you whined as your head fell into his shoulder. you werent even halfway down onto him yet and you were clenching around him so tight, god it took everything in him not to cum just from that. "c'mon baby, know you can take it, you got this." he said softly, encouraging you. you nodded slipping down his long cock more, he pushed you down. almost forcing you to bottom out on him. the tip of his cock hitting your cervix. god it felt so good. you started rocking your hips on his his cock hitting all the right places. you honestly didnt know how much longer you could hold on. your hands making their way upto his shoulders as he held your hips, helping you bounce on his cock. his tip hitting your cervix over and over again. you cried out "fuck fuck! ton! gonna cum, cant, cant hold it anymore." your head falling into his shoulder as he nodded agreeing with you. "me, me too, gotta cum inside you, is that okay baby, dont think you'd mind right?" "mhm ton need you inside, need to be full." you said tiredly, your energy depleting as you felt your end coming. just a couple more of antons lazy thrusts inside your cunt made you come undone. your cunt squeezing around anton, god he swore hes never felt this good ever (he hasnt) his cum shooting deep into your cunt. he caught your lips in his, sloppily kissing you.
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ninmnoi · 4 months
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— Stop, you’re losing me.
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mingyu x reader || angst.
summary ; trying to save an already failing relationship is a lot harder when he forgets your birthday.
(not proof read lol)
⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅
Its your birthday, you’ve never made a big deal about it tell you met him. You still remember his shocked face and loud “WHAT” when you told him you dont found your birthday a big deal, its just another day. Ever since then, he always celebrated your birthday in fun surprises and dinners. He made it so important and meaningful for you, and the big part of that is because you know he’ll be there.
So your nothing short of despair when its past 5pm and he hasnt once messaged you. It’d be another thing if he just didnt message happy birthday, you wouldve been okay with goodmoring.
You sigh putting your phone down, bitting your lip as your eyes water. It shouldnt be this serious, you’ve never even cared about your birthday before, so why dose it hurt so bad now?
Mingyu
That god damn Mingyu.
He used to be such a soft spoken soul, aiding to your needs as you do with him, those first few years of your relationship. He confessed to you in your own backward, he put his effort and time into it. You can even smell the flowers that lead to Mingyu, see the lights that brightened his soft smile, that swift hair and tall figure standing nervously fiddling with the bouquet in his hands. And who could forget the blush that tainted his face and ears, tears threatening to jump out after you said “yes.”
Now, your even lucky if he stays with you a whole day. Its always this or that driving him away. When he left your sisters engagement dinner because a friend of his needed help moving in, or when he canceled a date because he forgot a “really super duper important project” as he said. The nights he wouldnt call, the empty king bed. The second toothbrush that hasnt been moved in 2 weeks.
It drove you insane, but you still gave him the benefit of the doubt.
“Maybe he’s busy”
“Hes probably sleeping”
“God his phone must’ve died”
Your friends would yell at you over text, spamming you with the reality check you needed, but never could deposit. After pacing around the kitchen trying to ignore the cute cake you bought with a sad candle slowly sinking into it. You pick up your phone and call him.
Ring…
Ring…
Ring…
*click!*
Did he just hang up on you..?
No, he would have to be crazy.
You call again.
Same fucking thing, even quicker just 2 rings in.
You open his contact info, trying to see where his location would put him.
“No Location Found.” You curse, what is he hiding? Your mind leads to the one scenario you’ve been dreading, infidelity. The thought of him cheating makes you wanna throw up, but sadly its a most common event. You’re just so done with everything, putting the cake away into the fridge and changing clothes. Its now 6:42pm and with the major headache you have, you simply decided to sleep it off. Hugging the build-a-bear Mingyu bought you a year back, it muffles your sobs, soaking in the tears.
It’s cold and dark when your awaken by an extra weight adjusting it’s self onto the right side of the bed. You recognize it all to well. Mingyu pulls the covers over himself, giving you a small peck on the tip of your ear.
“You’re home” you say, your drowsy and hurt voice clear.
“Yeah- im sorry im so late” he whispers to you
“There's cake in the fridge”
“Cake? For what”
You sigh, “My birthday”
You can hear his breathe hitch.
“Fuck- Baby im so sorry. I didnt mean to forget. I was just so bus-.”
You sit up.
“Busy,? from what? So busy you couldnt even text? Because clearly it wouldnt have taken as much time as hanging up on me and turning off your location did. So if ‘busy’ is some new slang for ignoring then that makes way more sense.”
“I didnt even know you called, i swear. My location should be on babe.. I” He mumbles on
“Then whos hanging up on me? Making sure i dont know where your at? Is she fun?”
Mingyu’s eyes widen
“What are you talking about?”
“Her, you know.. Is she attractive? What is it huh? Skinner than me? Or maybe blonder? Or is because you dont need to be responsible for her?
“Baby no, its none of that.” He grabs your shoulders.
“I love you, calm down”
“How can i?” You exclaim, jumping off the bed.
“You missed my birthday! I waited for you like some stupid dog! I felt so stupid.”
“I dont understand, birthdays were never that big of a deal for you”
“They werent until you made it a problem! Now look at me” you say, the tear stained face and puffy cheeks evident.
Mingyu gets up, walking over to you.
“I know ive been distant, let me make it up to you”
“Where were you tonight?”
He stays quiet for a moment, taking a deep breathe
“My friend he uh… invited me to a club” he quietly says.
“Oh. Okay.”
“Okay..?”
“Mingyu, get out”
“What?” His heart drops.
“Get out! Did the club music deafen you?? I want you gone” You yell, tears streaming down your face as you push him out. Though you have little to no affect of moving his body, it makes it all the more depressing.
“Okay…Okay..” He quietly says, grabbing his phone off the dresser. Looking down at you with remorseful eyes. His heart aching at the messed up state your in. And its because of him, god.
You slam the door behind him, locking it. You sigh before faintly walking back to your bed.
And theres your build-a-bear, ready to be hugged and to soak all your tears again.
Atleast, that comforts you.
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leebooposting · 5 months
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Catch up
summary: quackity invites wilbur over to his place to make up for him not being there for qsmp meetup.
characters: lee!wilbur, ler!quackity [brief lee!quackity ler!wilbur at the end]
[STRICTLY platonic, nsfw/shippers dont touch this]
word count: 852
a/n: AH this is probably out of character. ignore it if it is. its just like 3/4s of tickling sorry im tickle trash . also the title is shit i know how do u fuckig titl
a/n 2: i barely proofread this ignore any mistakes
requested tags: @orphicrublee @chocolateydinosaur
this is a tickle fic if u couldnt tell! if u dont like that, scroll away please :))
--
Wilbur didn’t go to the QSMP irl meetup. Due to conflicts of schedule, with Wilbur being on tour and everything, he did not have the chance to make it.
And for that, Quackity felt bad.
So he decided he’d invite his old friend over to have a little party of their own. Yknow, because he missed out on the meetup.
But also because he missed him.
They sat in Quackity’s living room together, wine glasses in hand, laughing and chatting away as they caught up on everything they missed.
“And that’s when the eggs were stolen? Or, well, went missing?” Wilbur asked for confirmation, swirling the wine around in his glass. Quackity gave a single nod. “Yeah, that’s the basics of that lore.” 
“Mate,” Wilbur hummed, a teasing tone to his voice. “If I didn’t know better I’d say you’re actually doing a good job at this server thing.”
“Thank y- wait.” Quackity glanced up at his friend. “What do you mean ‘actually’?”
Wilbur barked out a laugh, to which Quackity put down his glass and leaned slightly closer to Wilbur. “No- what do you mean! What’s funny?!”
Wilbur giggled harder, having to put his own glass down to not spill any of the drink. “Nohothing- it’s nothing, Q, don’t worry about it.”
“No, you’re going to elaborate!” Quackity insisted. “Are you implying I’m not good at hosting shit?! I’ll fuck you up, Wilbur, don’t test me-”
“Noho! No, it was a joke. I was joking, Quackity.” Wilbur assured, still with that cheeky little grin on his face. Quackity couldn’t help but smile - who wouldn’t?
“Ohh, you’re joking, are you?” Quackity began, and Wilbur felt his smile widen - why was he beginning to feel nervous? He eyed Quackity as he shuffled closer to him. “You think this is funny? You want me to give you something to laugh at? Cause I can do that. I can really do that.”
By now, Wilbur is struggling to hold back his anticipatory giggles, a wide, giddy smile stretches across his face as he leans back. “Cmon, big Q, I-I was joking, I was joHOHO- FUHUCK-!”
Before Wilbur could finish his sentence, Quackity latched his hands onto the taller’s ribs, digging into the spaces between the bones and sending him in a fit of cackles instantly.
“Ohoho, I had my suspicions, but I had no idea THE Wilbur Soot would be so ticklish,” Quackity half teased, half commented. He was surprised at how Wilbur reacted, but not without thinking it was the cutest thing ever.
“QUACKITIHIHY!” Wilbur yelled, squirming so much he fell off the couch. Quackity burst into laughter as Wilbur lay there giggling at both the tickling and how funny the situation was.
But then, Quackity went silent again, and Wilbur felt his heartbeat speed up, and the next words were haunting.
“I’m not done with you.”
Wilbur stumbled to stand up, but Quackity was quicker. He leapt off the couch and tackled Wilbur back down, and with a quick tussle for the upper hand, Quackity found himself atop Wilbur’s waist. He was almost certain Wilbur let him, but he’d point that out later.
“Q-Quahackity- please, cmon..” Wilbur began, falling into more giggles as Quackity lifted Wilbur’s hands above his head, an evil little smirk on his face. Wilbur felt his stomach explode with butterflies, unable to maintain eye contact.
Quackity then immediately moved his hands down to squeeze at Wilbur’s hips, drawing out a shriek from the taller man, his arms shooting down to protect himself. “OHOH FUHUHUCK- QUACKIHIHIHITY-!”
“No, no. Keep them up, Wilbur.” Quackity said, lifting Wilbur’s arms again. Wilbur let out a whine. “I cahahan’t.”
“Maybe this will teach you to be nicer to me.” Quackity giggled, drilling his thumbs into the hip bones and delighting in the squeal that tore from his friend, accompanied by the violent jolt he gave. “IHIHI- QUAHAHA- QUACKITY!!”
“Keep them there!” Quackity reminded, “I think I’ll stay here for a little.”
“P-PLEHEASE-!!” Wilbur yelled, resorting to using his arms to cover his face instead. Quackity grinned wider. “Yknow, I think Tallulah would love to hear about this.”
“NOHO-” Wilbur’s eyes shot open, his hands immediately colliding with Quackity’s to try and protect himself. “DON’T YOU DAHAHARE.”
“Aw, why not? I think she’d find it super funny to know her father is just so ticklish.” Quackity punctuated his sentence with a quick squeeze, drawing out a squeak from his friend. Deciding to be merciful, Quackity retracted his hands, moving off of Wilbur’s thighs and sitting beside him.
“Fuhuhuck..” Wilbur huffed, hands covering his face. “That was horrible..”
“Whatever, you didn’t tell me to stop once.” Quackity pointed out, to which Wilbur peeked at him through his fingers. “Fuck you.”
“I’m still telling Tallulah.” 
“Don’t you fucking dare.” Wilbur said, before he shot his hands up to latch onto Quackity’s sides, eliciting a surprised shriek from him. Wilbur was quick to turn the tables, placing himself over Quackity’s thighs now and continuing to target his sides.
“WHAHAHAT THE FUCK- WILBUR YOU FUHUHUCKING-” Quackity yelled, as Wilbur smirked evilly. “What? You deserve it, you ticklish bastard.”
“NOHOHOHO!”
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Text
Dont make me do this
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Masterlist
Summary: The chosen one has fallen, disappearing into the dark, following sidious. And though it is your duty to end him you just cant, why? Why should you kill him when ll he had done was be human? He gave everything for the love of his life. And you would do the same, you abandoned him once, and you will not make that mistake again, even if it meant following him into the shadows.
Warnings: jedi bashing? Swearing, angst, poorly writen gore/graphic injury.
A/N: This is a purely self indulgent fic based around unrequited/hidden love and HE DIDNT DESERVE THE FUCKING SUIT! All that precious little bean did was try to save his wife a baby 😭😭😭
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"Obi wan, we have to do this" you pleaded quietly, trying not to let padme hear you from your position in the cock pit. Your eyes searched his desperately, praying he'd see reason and agree to help you. You couldnt do this alone. Your prayers were unanswered Instead you felt ice prickle in your veins. shuddering under the intense glare the jedi master sent you. Youd never seen him so... angry before
"This is madness! You are letting your feelings cloud you;" he scolded quickly wiping the rage from his face trying not to succumbto his own emptions and be called out as a hypocrite.
"Damn fucking right i am! I am letting it get in the way, because being fucking emotionless drove him away, drove him to this." you snapped back your own desperation driving you to a furious frustration.
"Thea please now is not the time for this;" obi-wan sighed once again trying to brush you off as he often did. As everyone did. But this time you refused to be ignored, this was too damn important. You leant over slamming both hands down on the console letting your force crackle ominously around you.
Obi-wan stiffened at the display of hot fury. Something he'd heard mace and yoda raise concern about in meetings, yet he'd never seen this for himself. It was unsettling to see you so riled up. For the first time in his life he saw somthing else in you. Something frightening.
"It is the only time for this! Obi-wan, Anakin has struggled all his life in the order. He feels much more then anyone i know. He doesn't feel sadness only devastation, not happiness but elation, never fondness but love. He always has. And he felt completely and utterly alone" obi-wan tried to argue, he opened his mouth wantingnto find the words to counter you. But he couldnt, you were right, Anakin sought out connections. He didnt mean to but he did, subconsciously he always needed to cling to something, someone.
And in pushing him away, setting clear boundaries between them in an effort to stop himself becoming a father figure to anakin he hadnt been there to stop this madness. He'd failed to curb anakins need for attachments. Perhaps if he had allowed anakin to latch onto him as the boy wanted, he wouldnt have unknowingly sought out sidious, or you or persued padme. He could have happily continued his path as a jedi along side his master.
"We did that, we isolated him. Or made himmfeel isolated. He felt like he couldnt come to us for help obi-wan. He thought we'd judge him, that we would abandon him."
"He was terrified that the one person he loves, the only person in the world he could truly be ungaurded around was about to be torn from him. He made mistakes but so did we..." you traild off slumping back against the wall of the ship feeling your own shame wash over you. The many times youd seen anakin not himself, but let him brush you off, telling you he was just tired or giving some other generic excuse. Should you have pressed him harder? Pushed for answers, made him snap at you and perhaps get the truth. Was that what he needed?
"He slaughtered the younglings! He's become sith, and you want to pity him, you dont know what your asking!" Your self doubt was cut short as obi-wan growled in anguish. He was so torn, hurt by what had happened. Maye more so then you, he probably felt even more responsible for this then you did. He practically raised anakin. But no mtter how much this hurt him you were not about to let him take it out on you. No. He didnt get to do that, he wasnt the only person hurting, nd you werent about to become an emotional punching bag for him.
"I am asking you to fucking help me. I am asking you not to do this, dont fight him. He doesnt need an adversary. He needs help, he need us to accept him, to be honest with him and guide him" you snapped back watching with a tightening chest as obi-wan pulled back slightly. Before shaking his head scoffing at you, trying to calm his irritation. He spun away from you flicking a switch on the control panel before ducking his head pinching the bridge of his nose.
"Accept him? How. How can we accept this! How can you stand there and tell us we need to join him!" When he finally spoke again his voice rose quickly. You faltered not used to seei g anything but mild disapproval from him. Never had he bordered anger like this. You knew it was only natural, a mix of fear, disappointment and dread. He felt betrayed.
"Because thats what we need to do to fucking bring him back! I want to bring him back and we cant do that if we arnet beside him. For fuck sake this is the orders fault as much as it is sidious'... its our fault obi-wan. We ignored the signs, we... took Anakin for granted assumed he would cope alone so left him to his own devices" you managed to keep calm, trying to reason with obi-wan.
"We nurtured his turning by allowing his marriage to go undeteced we should have reported it;" obi-wan didnt get to finsh. You were narling in his face before he could move an inch.
"Dont you dare. DONT YOU DARE! Padme is the only reason he didnt fall sooner and you know it!" Your temper flared as you pointed in the direction of padme somewhere in the ship. Youd put up with a lot, but blaming padme because he couldnt stomach the thought of failing in his teachings was not one of them.
"And now look! He turned anyway! He fell Thea." He spoke quieter this time realising he may have begun to be unnecessarily harsh.
"Yeah he did. He fell right into the hands of sidious, because we couldnt catch him ourselves. Joining the dark side isnt the answer... even if we were just pretending so we can make him see the light, sidious would know." You offered once more, still trying to make obi-wan come around to your way of thinking. Surely it was better to try and save Anakin by nymeans then to just go and kill him? Didnt obi-wan love him enough to try?
"Im sorry but i have to do this. He has to see reason or..."
"Careful Obi-wan that almost sounded like an absolute." You hissed cruely making him snap his gaze to you. Eyes hardening as he took in your stnce, the way your force rippled around you sinisterly.
"Thea" he warned gently, trying to calm you and use that legendary charm he was famed for. But you sneered at him instead. All you could think was how easily the jedimaster was giving up, how he threw away his brother so quickly and would turn on him when there were other ways.
"You don even care how hypocritical you just sounded do you? The same old jedi double standard" Youd scoffed rolling your eyes, unable to The hypocrisy and intolerance wouldnt change.
"Please try to see things clearly" he almost pleaded, but unfortunately it was too late. Youd made your decision, and he had made his. All you could do now was watch things crumble around you.
"Oh trust me I do. i didnt before, but i finally understand. You dont see it. Do you? Its the order. Its poison. It's infected your mind like a sickness. They made sure the order means more to you then actual living breathing people." Your words began to twist, prod and slice at him but once you started you couldnt stop. Wouldnt stop.
"That no one in the galaxy should be more important or more powerfull then the jedi. Its funny really. The sith empire will rise again; more powerfull then last time and it was pssible because of the jedi orders hubris and even now the jedi are so blinded by their pride they refuse to admit it" your eyes locked with obi-wan's pwn pained gaze. He didnt respnd, you werent sure if it was because he was hurt by your words orif he thought this would blow over, that you were just throwing a tantrum. After a few more moments of silence he sighed, opeing his mouth to speak but it was too late.
"I dont want to hear it. Just know if you raise your saber, i will to." You anounced drawing a line in the sand before gettingnup, leaving the cockpit ignoring his calls to come back and talk this out. But there was no talking. No reconciliation. The time of the jedi had ended, the order was dead. and unfortunately obi-wan wasnt smart enough to admite defeat and abandon the sunken ship.
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You watched from Inside the ship as anakin and obi-wan dueled across mustafar's boiling terrain. You yelled in fury obi-wan was cunning, after youd left him in the cockpitt to mull over your words he'd removed your acsess to the doors. And left with pad,e quickly making sure you were kept on the ship.
Your heart broke as the fight continued, eyes watering as two people you caredmfor deeply camemto blows in a brutal battle. Padme was unconscious on the floor by the ship. It had been frightening seeing first hand what anakin was capable of, what he was willing to do to those he belived betrayed him. A tiny part of you wanted to stay on the ship out of fear. You were scared he now thought you were a backstabber. That youd forsaken him as padme and obi-wan had.
No. no you couldnt allow it. You wont let him think so little of you.
"3-po! Quick we have to get padme, come on we have to help her" you pleaded motioning to the woman sprawled out on the floor. Your words drew the droids attention and suddenly he was stepping towards the back of the ship all the while continuing his usual anxious rambling.
As soon as the door was open you bolted, running past the droid full speed stopping beside padme checking her over. She was unconscious- maybe passed out? But not dead. Thankfully Anakin would never forgive himself or obi-wan if padme had died here like this.
"3-po you handle this, take her to the ship and look after her" you called over your shoulder to the droid ignoring the complaints from him.
You raced across the surface of mustafar unclipping your lightsaber as you climber a small burning dune of sand only to freeze at the scene. Obi-wan had anakin trapped, the former was being backed up to the flowing lava. They were yelling at one another, screaming. Anakin was meeting his master blow for blow but Obi-wan wasnt relenting or holding back instead he was leading anakin to the river. Anakin hadn't noticed, he was to angry, he wasnt paying attention.
You ran, jumping, leaping forward trying to close the distance between them before it was too late. Your anger spiked fueling you, urging you to go faster. Obi-wan was going to throw him in the lava. He wasnt going to kill him himself. He didnt have the guts to do it cleanly himself!
Obi-wan brought his saber down in a powerfull blow tipping Anakin off balance . And with that the chosen one began to fall.
"NO ANAKIN!" the scream tore from your throat in such a mournful bellow it hurt your vocal cords. Both men looked towards you startled by you. Your arrival destracted obi-wan enough for you to stretch out to the force as Anakin fell into the molten lava.
He screamed in excruciating pain as one arm, shoulder, leg and the side of his chest became burned but you yanked on him. Your force was quick enough to pull him from his fiery grave before it could engulf him. And it was strong enough to put some distance between him and obi wan. Anakin landed heavily out of harms way quivering, hissing and moaning as the pain of his wounds began settling.
Anakin was alive. He was alive. Thank the force youd got out of that ship.
You didnt stop. Even though Anakin was alive, you didnt stop your charge. No. Instead to ignited your own saber and jumped over Anakin before lunging at obi-wan.
"Wait what are you doing? You said youd help" obi-wan yelled raising his saber only just managing to block your own. He staggered back, unprepared for the power youd put behind the blow. He waited for you to pull back but you didnt. Instead you pushed on keeping your blade locked with his, digging your heals into the rock below you and using your weight to throw him back a few steps creating some distancebetween the two of you.
"I said id raise my saber if you do. I never said it'd be pointed at Anakin" you panted pointing your saber to him threateningly.
His eyes widened, realising you had intended to kill him. He glanced to the purple of your saber. He knew what it meant, had always known what it meant. You were comfortable useing the dark side if you had to. It was unspoken but purple sabers were somewhat feared in the order. It meant you had afinty for both light and dark. It meant you were a different kind of jedi. Strong, dangerous. Suddenly he felt sick, the beginings of dread and icey fear curling around him. It was as they had always feared. You were turning. Not just Anakin, you were going to the dark aswell.
"No. No! Thea dont do this! Dont follow him down this road" obi-wan pleaded lowering his saber shaking his head at you, hopeing, praying you will stop before its to late.
You widened your stance before casting a look over your shoulder to Anakin. As silly as it was you were uncomfortable with him behinde you. He was clearly stressed, angered beyond the point of reasoning. Your eyes locked with his and he frowned. He was trying to figure out if you were an ally in this or not. You nodded subtly to him.
"Youll be okay Anakin. I'll help you with your wounds i promise just... just sit tight okay?" You said glancing at the burns on his side, the bionic prostetic was fucked, the metal and carbon melted and twisted, his fingers all stuck in odd angles and fused as if he had cramp. It was probably where the caseing was melted and shrunk pressing on the components below. It was completely useless now.
Your gaze lifted with a wince the top of his arm and shoulder was almost steaming from the way the intense heat that had caught it. His skin was blitering, torn and sagging away from his actual muscles and tendons. He was sitting down at an odd angle, his arm jutted away from his body, avoiding the same agonising blisters and open wonuds on his arm that also decorated one side of his chest, down his ribs and abdomen.
He only uttered your name in response. Hissing as he shifted trying to inch closer. His eyes told you all you needed to know. He was relieved you were here, thankfull you saved him. Yet determined, angry. He wanted to kill obi-wan you could sense it. See it in him. He was frustrated because he knew how close he'd come to failing. How close he'd been to death. Yet he still wanted to fight. But he also knew he couldnt take on obi-wan again in this state.
"Thea Move!" Obi-wan demanded angrily drawing your attention away from Anakin. You growled locking your shoulders and tensing, anticipating a strike from the jedi master.
"Move Thea please, dont make me do this" you scoffed keeping your eyes on him as he poised his saber for another attack. Both of you prepared to do what must be done.
"Im not making you do anything, your doing it all on your own. Leave obi-wan. Its over, the orders dead. Just... just go" you hissed feeling the irritation grow with obi-wan. He couldnt see it! He was blinded by faith in an order that never was.
"You know i cant do that i cant walk away from this" the jedi master pleade, as if tryingnto make it seem as if his hands were truley tied. And that right there was the problem. The jedi order did this to people. Took away choices, forced decision onto people claiming it was for the greater good. When in actual fact it was just to protect the orders values. They belived that there was no other way, all other veiws were immoral. It was almost amusing the amount of hypocrisy the order spewed, the absolutes they enforced despite only sith deal in absolutes.
"Yes you can, just go. While you still can. I dont want to kill you but i will." Your words were almost pleading, yet too harsh to be considered as such. You needed him to just walk away.
"Youll really do this? Really stand by him? After what he has done! Join his madness?!" You winced as he tried to manipulate you, twisting the knife in the still raw open wound. Dredgeing up the worst atrocities Anakin had just commited to try and sway you. Did you agree with the younglings slaughter? No. Your not a monster. But whats done is done, and you knew Anakin would regret that untill the day he died. When he dropped out of what ever manic fury he was in the younglings will haunt him forever. Thats his burden, his punishment, his guilt to bare. Not yours.
"Yes. I wont abandon him when he needs me. I wont let him suffer alone. Not again" you called out louder then intended, you heard Anakins faint gasp as you confirmed your intentions. You felt his force signature lift from behinde you. Perking up with a warmth you knew to be his own relief and joy. He was happy you werent going to turn on him.
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"You.. you love him. All this time you've been in love with him. Youll be sith fall into the darkside for him? This is why we dont love! This is the reason!" Obi-wan's words were small at first, doubtfull and confused. But quickly became frustrated accusations. You met his gaze and drew a breath choosing not to respond which made the jedi master snarl in frustration.
You had to look away from him, casting your eyes back to Anakin who had been torn between watching the scene before him and trying to ease his pain with deep breaths and force healing, that he wasnt exactly the best at.
But Anakin had heard, you wished he hadnt but he had. Looking up with a startled face, locking eyes with you questioning if it was true with a single gaze. You tore your eyes from him, fightened of what youd see in the next few moments. You didnt want him to know, didnt want him to see how far you had fallen. You were ashamed, your love was forbidden. But you loved your best friend, your comrade, brother. You loved a man who belonged to another. And it ate you alive.
"Dont you see? Dont you both see love feeds the darkness! It pushes jedi untill we are irrational and we fall untill we are sith;" Obi-wan began another rant, desperately trying to turn things around and scold you both into an epiphany. As if you both would suddenly stop holding people dear and your love would dissappear.
Obi-wans words seemed to be the final straw, he had found your tipping point. Scolding you like a child about pride and responsibility when he himself couldnt even admit the order had fucked up. That they had been cruel and negligent.
"I am not a jedi! I am not a sith! I am a fucking human being obi-wan. A free, thinking, feeling, angry, tired human being who has had just about enough of the orders propegander cultist shit!" Your scream echoed in the valley so loud it rendered the roar of mustafar almost silent in comparison. A small amount of your force rippled around you shifting the sand and rocks about your feet. Your rage had come to a boil, the darkness within you flickering awake. But you refused to stamp it out, refused to deny it this time.
"Thea.." the jedi master stepped back lowering his saber in shock as your aura darkened before him finally releasing what felt like a lifetime of pent up rage and fear. The fury and down right evil radiating from you was enough for him to rethink this battle. You were glorious and frightening to behold.
"Your right. Your right I love Anakin! I love you! I love padme and ahsoka and stars forbid i even hold a love for my master!" You continued shouting, loosing yourself in the truth of your own emotion. Welcoming the anger and frustration for the first time in your life. Finally, finally letting yourself drown in it.
"But i also hate. I hate master yoda for not listening to me when i sought reassurance, instead of helping me he gave me riddles and kept me silent. I hate that i was never allowed to question anything, i hate that i was expected to give up so much for so little. That my life would become meaningless just because i could use the force; it fucking condemned me! Condemned all of us!" Your words spewed like venom they were acidic on your tongue so much so you had to spit them out to so they wouldnt poison you further.
"I hate that i have become a fucking gaurd dog of the elite! That i spend my days protecting crooked senators instead of helping the civilians i vowed to protect and i loath; no detest the order and its stupid fucking rules, rules that were created out of fear" you clenched your saber tight in your fist untill the ridges of the hilt threatened to cut into your skin. You shook, quivered dragging sharp breaths through your teeth as your own words resounded around you. The fear, hate, shame and guilt youd always felt releasing at once in once torrent of regret.
"You dont know what your saying;"
"Yes i do! i said it and i meant it i hate the order. Hate it Obi-wan! And im fucking relived that this is the end of it because its needed to fucking die for years!" You shut him down quickly with a snarl, inching forward as another more powerful wave of your now tainted force escaped in yet another blast towards him despite you trying to hold it back. It was impossible, the air around you was charged with it. Crackling and twisting in an invisible violent display of power.
You closed your eyes pulling yourself back from what ever edge you were teetering on. Trying to calm yourself and draw some deep breaths. You didnt want to loose control, not like this but... but you didnt want to lie to yourself anymore or pretend. You were a human, you were entitled to feel your feelings.
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Obi-wan watched in horror as your saber rattled in your hand, shuddering violently in your grip for a few long seconds untill it faltered. He felt sick to his stomach as the blade transformed before his eyes. Red seeped from the hilt, consuming the purple of your blade with greed. It was over, there was no coming back from that. Your kyber had absorbed the hate and malice. He coudlnt pull you from the dark side now. You were lost.
Even Anakin was shocked never seeing such a thing happen before. He knew how it happened but never once thought youd bleed your crystal. You were always so controlled and carefull with your saber and handling your kyber. Perhaps this was why? You were close to the dark and it wouldnt have taken much to slip and fall. What shocked him the most was that you hadnt even realised what youd done. Was it was so natural for you to feel this rage that you didnt even notice it properly? You didnt cast a second thought to what might happen to your kyber?
You began speaking again, this time clamer. But still on the cusp of pure unadulterated rage. The frightening female rage that could stop a man in his tracks with a single 'no' still oblivious to the new red hue of your blade.
"Between the hate, love and frustration most of all i am sick. Sick and tired of this galaxy and everyone in it trying to contain those gifted with the force. Just because the force chose us to wield it; doesnt mean we have to be fucking soldiers or pawns or or slaves to someone elses doctrines" you explained revealing just what you thought the jedi truley were. Slaves.
You heard Anakin from behind you, repeating the word gently in a strange disbelief. As if he himself had never associated the two. But you felt the realisation. The moment his own anger spiked before knosediving into a deep depressed disappointment. He had replaced slavery for slavery. And he'd never even noticed.
"You.. you have been straying? these? Thea how long has this...." obi-wan summarised, not even angry at you. How could he be? This was the orders failing. For a moment you thought you could see understanding. That he accepted the order hadnt just failed to understand and protect Anakin, but you aswell. How many others? How many jedi hated the order and were just too scared to sya it? How many people had stayed silent just so they could remain with their loved ones and not be exiled?
"Longer than him. As long as i can remember I..." your words trailed off. Once again shame and doubt cluding you. This was difficult, for the first timemyou were being honest with yourself, with obi-wan and Anakin. It was daunting letting everything out like this, feeling true emotions willingly. Youd been trained not to, itgoes against everything youve been brought up to belive.
"Thea? Why did you never say anything?" Anakin called from behind you finally managing to stand and breath through the pain, all be it unsteady and lopsided, his uninjured arms curled below his burned one.
"I couldnt. I never wanted to admit it... anakin you? Had your own doubts if I'd said something? I didnt want anyone to know my real thoughts. Or influence you." You uttered slowly still coming down from your rage, inching yourself back into a calmer state of mind. Somehow your outburst had stopped the raging war between the jedi master and Knight.
Or maybe obi-wan wasnt attacking because he knew itd be useless. A master jedi would struggle taking on one dark side user, let alone two. It was clear both you and Anakin had embraced your afinty for the dark side to certain degrees. You were both unpredictable now and obi-wan probably wouldnt best you both.
You tried to ingor the flutter of pride, you made a jedi master question his own strength and resolve. It wasnt a stretch to say he might even fear battleing you now youd begun your decent into the so called darker aspects of the force
"There is only the force and it is grey. It is balance, but it is power and we all use it to gain victory. The force is blameless and we are all manipulators. Thats it. Nothing else you either use it or you dont. Everything in the force can be used for good or evil." Anakin hummed pondering the words in a very un-anakin like way. He never seemed one for deep thinking or philosophical nonsense. But he seemed to be taking in your points weighing them up against one another.
"Dont you see obi-wan we twisted it, us. We made it what it is and use the force as an excuse to control one another. And if you force me to choose between slavery in the light and freedom in the dark?" You turned from Anakin and began pleading for your friend and teacher to understand your point. He had to, even if he didnt like it or agree you had to make him know of your reasoning. That you werent ust an evil woman driven by a need for power and vengeance.
"I choose the dark, just like Anakin. And honestly i chose it long ago... i was just scared of loosing what was most important to me. Scared to break the chains" you glanced to Anakin again unable to keep your self from checking on him. You were worried, concered and anxious to see if he was angry or disgusted by the way you felt about him. But he didnt give any indication, he was lost innhis own thoughts and didnt seem to aware of what was going on in that moment.
But then again he was probably overwhelmed. In the last few hours he'd betrayed the jedi, stormed the temple, slaughtered the younglings and jedi, almost killed padme and his unborn, fought his master, almost been burned alive and then had to deal with your hidden feelings coming to light.
"Thea please;" obi-wan tried again holding out his hand to you, trying to offer you a path back into whats left of the jedi. And it felt like the final attempt. He looked conflicted and exhausted.
You shook your head and stepped back as if he was trying to poison you. And in a way he was, he wanted to draw you into something youd only just managed to truely escape. He was still a slave he just couldnt see it. You pitied him in a way. He was too far gone and would never ever be free.
"No. I wont warn you again kenobi. You need to Leave now. And do not seek us out again" your voice didnt waver. You didnt flinch or stutter. Though the strength was just a mask. Inside you were crumbling, it shouldnt have come to this. The order should have just faded away like all relics of the past. But the jedi were greedy in their own way, stubborn. They refused to change, belived there was no need to ever compromise and for that hubris they had paid dearly.
Obi-wan didnt say anything, what could he say as you severed every connection you had with him. Every familiarity gone in a instant. He flicked his gaze from you to anakin and back again before disengaging his lightsaber and backed away. And then he was gone, falling out of sight behind the dunes.
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You stayed alert until, you saw the ship take off and felt you and anakin were alone. Only then did you finally disengage your own saber and relax, collapsing to your knees taking a moment to come to terms with what had just happened. You were out. Free, free to feel and love and hate, free to decide whats best for you, live on your own terms with your own beliefs.
Tears began streaming down your face. This wasnt what you thought itd be, wasnt what you feared. Where was the shame? The terror and guilt? You were supposed to be lost and alone now. But all you felt was relief and strong. You felt peace yet a chaos, powerfull. You felt bold. It was everythingnyou were told it wasnt. You heard anakin shuffle behind you and then a gruntal moan as he fell heavily to the floor next to you. That snapped you out of your trance, you can reorder your feelings later, for now he needed you.
"Fuck, fuck are you okay? Here lets get away from all this lava, come on up here, let me see." You began quickly assessing him while trying to usher him futher up the bank. He swore under his breath pushing at you hands as you tired to support him. It was slow going but you managed to help half drag him higher moving him away from the rushing lava river that nearly killed him.
"Hey talk to me..." your voice grew quiet as the silence dragged on becoming uncomfortable and tense. But he just stared at you, yellow eyes burning into you trying to figure something out. Like you were a puzzle for him to pull apart.
"You... saved me from the lava... you pulled me free before....and protected me. You chose to stay?" He finally spoke confusion lacing his words. For a moment you thought he was going into some pain induced delirium or shock syndrom. He was both questioning you and doubting himself. Yet at the same time reaffirming what had happened.
"Yes. I did... Are you okay? Anakin your scaring me;" you confirmed before trying to find out if he was feeling like himself. You needed to lnow if he was going to turn and attack you or not. You had to be ready, he may have dropped his saber but youd seen what he'd done to padme without it. You didnt want to be the next one on his list.
"Anakin is dead." He snarled, sharp and furious. It was manic he was desperate to distance himself from who he once was. You drew a breath nodding to him, raising your hands slowly in a surrendering motion as you felt his force swirl around him erratically smothering you in a thickening cloak of raw power.
"W-who has taken his place?" You tried not to fear the answer, fear him. But he was glareing at you so intensely it almost physically hurt.
"Vader. Darth vader." You flinched, swallowing dryly. So it was true, he wasnt just becoming a dark jedi, but a sith. A true sith apprentice, one day a sith lord like the old tales. But you managed to take it in your stride simply nodding along with him.
"And what is darth vader going to do? I-is he; are you going kill me? Now that obi-wan is gone and the jedi are being eradicated" with that he relaxed. The acceptance soothed him, his rage receded as if he understood you werent going to argue or harm him. You felt an overwhelming sadness at that. He was so defensive and vulnerable yet youd never noticed before. He didnt reply the silence was deafening, you could only assume the worse.
"It okay vader... its okay of you need to; just at least let me help fix you up first alright?" You reassured him holding back tears. You knew this was a possibility. Knew he might kill you anyway to truly set himself free of the order. And you were willing to do that for him, to die for him to release himself from the shackles of the order.
"Thank stars its your right at least you wont lose another hand, well youll need a new prostetic and your shoulders fucked for now but we can;" you continued babbling trying not to think as you began healing him slowly, carfully letting your force flow through you to at least sooth his pain. He stared the whole time gazing almost blankly at you. Not evern hissing or flinching as you worked over the burns.
"Were you telling the truth?" His voice carried a vulnerable lilt to it. Like a child asking a parent if they were truly forgiven after being naughty. It was a small voice one youd never heard him use before. You stopped what you were doing and sat straighter giving him your undivided attention, yet it was you who felt like you were under a microscope.
"Is what you said true? About the order... the dark. Your feelings... your love?" He struggled to voice the words aloud but had to. And just like he had to ask you knew you had to answer.
"Yes. I havent ever truly cared for the order, but i did fear them. I stayed because i had people i was afraid of losing" you looked down still feeling shame. It was so ingrained into you that everything you thought and felt was wrong you could'nt help but be nervous revealing it so intimately.
"But eventually you have to be true to yourself and accept it. Even if it means getting yourself killed. If thats the case I'll die free and honest" you summarised tryingnto let him know you understood and you were at peace with your impending demise, especially if that ps what he needed.
"And your love? Was that a truth you had to face? The thing you couldnt lose...The person you were afraid of losing?" He asked again this time more desperate. He raised a hand to yours, clasping your wrist tightly and pulling it from his wounds. You closed your eyes sighing.
"Im here arent I?" You chuckled nervously motioning around you. Trying to deflect and make him assume what he wanted to save yourself the embarrassment. But he shook his head a growling at you in frustration, irritated at your refusal to answer him directly.
"No. Thea I need to hear you say it. I need to know the truth. Tell me." His frustration rose and his grip grew tighter making you wince. Your eyes searched his, pleading for him to let this go. Whats the point in pouring your heart out to him now?
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His gaze was stern, brows pinched and jaw set firm, twitching in anger as the seconds slowly ticked away in silence as you continued your staring match. Finally you gave in looking away afterall you didnt have to look at him to bare your soul to him.
"Say what? That ive been madly inlove with you since i was a child? That i didnt understand what it was untill it was too late? That i adore you? That i always pushed myself harder and harder just so i could keep up with you and we wouldn't be separated? So i could be there if you ever needed me? That i could be strong enough to save you if you needed it?" You managed to wokr up the courage to look at him and gently twisted your hand from his grip and raised one slowly to his face. Cupping his jaw softly. He closed his eyes pressing into your palm, twisting slightly nuzzling into you enjoying the soft comfort.
"Yes. Yes to all the above. I love you and it has always terrified me like nothing else in the world. I was told so many times by my master by yoda and everyone who noticed that i was wrong. That it was dangerous and itd destroy me but i didnt care. I love you An-Vader;" you stopped yourself short and pulled away from him before you broke down. You felt like your chest was in a vice, being crushed. Your stomach was churning unsettled by the mix of fear and warmth you were feeling. It felt unnatural to just be human and experience your own emotions without resisting.
Vader followed your hand unconsciouly before capturing himself. Frowning in disappointment as the soothing touch fell away from him. He let you retreat knowing you you needed to distance yourself to get this off your chest once and for all. He was prepared for tears, and frustration and cursing. But he wasnt ready for the dark turn your words took.
"Fuck i even pulled clovis aside and threatened to skin him alive when he started to interfere; and i wasnt bluffing i was going to do it. I had a plan on how i was going to get away with it too. i scared him and myself. i couldnt find it in myself to be jealous of padme or resent her becasue i just wanted you to be happy. And if her love made you happy that was enough for me" your words pulled your force,making it thrum once more igniting under the surface with an eager malice as you remebered the fear. The promise you made to clovis as he trembled at the thoughts you were pushing into him. Youd gone too far that day. You knew you had, forcing him to see his own torture in his minds eye. It wasnt the jedi way. Youd avoided him after that. Not wanting to relive it, far too frightend of your own commitment to your threat. Youd have done it. Youd do anything for Anakin.
"She didnt, she never actually;" Vader began speaking searching for the words to explain himself. As much as he didnt want to belive it he knew there was only one explination for padme's refusal. He wasnt enough. His love and devotion wasnt enough to keep her by his side. He trembled, lip quivering as he turned to look you in the eye and finally with a shaky breath he admitted outloud what you both knew to be true.
"She has betrayed me. She wouldnt come with me y/n. In the end she didnt want me enough. I did everything for her. All this for her and she abandoned me her love wasnt enough to stand by me." He broke down, he didnt understand. Didnt want to, the pain was too much. He had sacrificed everything for her survival. And he sees now it was in vain. He'd been living a lie for her and she didnt see what it had done. What she had cost him. What he was willing to pay for her to be safely by his side.
You inched closer as he crumbled, mouring his love. His loss, his failure. It cut you, twisted cold knives in your gut. How? How could she have done this? Didnt she see what there marriage had cost them? Cost Anakin. No. How could she? Padme was free, she had nothing to lose. To her she had a powerful, respected ,handsome husband who she could have exciting secret couplings with when ever she wished. She got to run around in her own exciting forbbiden romance reality.
Yet Anakin could have lost everything he had worked for . All his years of blood sweat and tears would have been for nothing. He'd have lost his home,family, freinds, job his entire world would have crumbled around him if he'd been caught. And in the end he gave it all up willingly, falling from grace so thoroughly just to save her life. And it wasnt enough.
"But you didnt run... you didnt abandon me..your feelings are real, they have to be" you were pulled out of your thoughts by him grasping you, his hand coming to your cheek. You gasped as he pushed forward fingers trailing down to your jaw thumb lightly, ghosting your lower lip and then with a languid twist his fingers rose once more to settle on your cheek again.
Its was like he was mapping out your features. Fascinated and in awe. You blinked at him speechless from the delicate feather light touches. He'd never done anything like this before. His eyes became haunting as the yellow shrunk giving way to his puplis that grew wider. It was like he were seeing you for the first time, releasing the tight grip on his own restraint. Just as you were about to break the silence he spoke again, this time softer.
"You... you just threw away everything for me. Risked everything to protect me, just as i did for her. You truly love me. More then the others; more then my own wife. Im sorry, sweet angel im so so sorry i never saw it before." He apologised slidingmhis hand to cup the back of your neck and tipped forward pressing his own forehead to yours.
"I will not forsake you as she has done me. Do you hear me? I will not, i swear to you Thea. Come with me. Join me" the vow caught you off gaurd. This was something you only dreamt of. A fantasy youd kept in secret. He closed his eyes arching up pressing a kiss to your head inching closer and pulled you to rest on his collar bone. His arm now dropping to coil around you as best as they could with the damage done to his prostetic. You leant into him letting yourself curl into him, closing as much space as you could between the two of you.
"Join me? Please? We can... we can build something. Be something greater than what we were designed to be. Make an empire that will bring peace, that will punish the wicked greed festering in the galaxy" you shuddered feeling a sob bubble up. The guilt and elation both clashing in an overwhelming storm of emotion youd never been allowed to experience before. Tears began flowing once more as you tried to latch onto something familiar, something comforting. But there was nothing, it was all brand new and frightening.
"But what about Padme? Arent you going to try and convince her again? Or sidious? He will kill me im not strong enough to join him he'd never;" your words were mumbled, sentences torn apart by weak sobs and soft sniffles. You were desperately trying to find some stability, some comfort in all the chaos. And you were most comfortable when denying yourself everything youd ever truly wanted.
"Padme is not my concern any longer. Its time i stopped kidding myself, she showed where her loyalties lie. She was willing to let me; the so called love of her life, her husband, the father to her child; die at the hands of obi-wan becuase i chose another more powerful path" You shook your head disagreeing in mumbled hlf sobs weeping into him still unable to really understand what he was saying, you heard the words but it didnt register. You didnt want to risk believing them incase this was a trick, a ruse to ruin you completely.
"You were not. You who has been by my side, and loved me in secret. You stood up against obi-wan to protect me, thats the loyalty and courage a true wife should have. I will not ignore that sacrifice" he said louder, a grit to his voice determination and authority pouring from him. He wanted you to listen. To truly listen and see this for what it was. This was the defining moment of both your lives. The moment you both truly found oneanother and began walking the same path, marching towards a future that would give the both of you everything youd ever wanted and needed.
He honestly belived that both of you had been drifting through this life, mearly exsisting waiting for this moment where the force finally unites you both. He could feel it now, see clearly for the first time in years. The sleepless nights, doubts and fear of his own desires and marriage came to an end and al. He knew was that this was where he had meant to be. Here with you standing on the dawn of a new era for the galaxy.
"Sidious will not harm you. I will not allow that. You are loyal to me. You are mine. And i will fight to,protect you as you have fought for me today." His words poured, hands grasping you tighter as you cried still weakly holding onto the past. Your own doubt and fear clouding your resolve. He hated it. The way you crumbled so completely into him, you were strong. Always so strong but here and now you were lost and overwhelmed. It was down to him to pull you through. To guide you back and show you your place amongst all the changes.
"But im a jedi; vader dont... dont toy with me. I know you need to kill me and its okay. Its okay, im ready. I knew; you dont have to;"
"You are no longer a jedi. Look. Your saber...see?" He cut you off quickly, a snarl. Then he let out a breath before tipping his head to your saber and explained gently. You frowned at him before leaning to the saber youd discarded beside the both of you as you slumped to the ash. With a quick look to Vader you ignighted your saber only to yelp and drop it as soon as the red glow shone from the hilt.
"Oh... oh stars what?" You blreathed out fear and shame flushing through you. Vader moved bringing the saber between you both again ingiteing it again needing you to face the reality of your new predicament.
"You bled it Thea. Somehow while your kyber was still sat inside your saber. I haven't even managed to bleed mine yet. But you? It seemes you have been much closer to the dark side than me for a while" he hummed flicking his gaze from your awe struck face and the now red saber. It was odd seeing one so close without being attacked. It was raw, powerful. He could feel the rage and distress from within it, he knew he was feeling your own discontent through the hilt. But at the same time there was almost a relief? You were at peace with the red kyber. There was an understanding. He could only assume youd been fighting it for a long time.
"I think that is what made obi-wan retreat. He realised you were serious and willing to do what ever it took. That you meant every word and if he had stayed he would be fighting a powerful woman with no jedi rules to follow" he pondered outloud still watching you trying to decipher your thoughts. He could see how this was a moral dilemma. You seemed to return to him from the shock and gave a half smile taking the saber from him with a lightly nod and clipped it to your belt.
"He feared for his life and ran" he smirked as you scoffed at that rolling your eyes at him. He released a breath he didnt realise he'd been holding as you seemed to have gatherd yourself together with an odd acceptance.
"Once i have gained the knowledge i need i will end sidious and We shall rule. You and me Thea. The jedi order and all those who stand in our way will fall;that is if you want to join me? Become the force wielder you were born to be" he ducked down following your eyes as they dipped away from him, his uninjured hand tipping your chip up once more. You flicked your eyes to his, the amber was almost golden and shone with a sincere pleading. He was being honest.
"Become the woman you were meant to be. Im asking you take this final step with me please. Come with me, serve me, stand beside me; where you belong take your place along side me and rule. Will you help me make them all pay?" You swallowed whimpering quietly lowering your eyes to your saber resting in your lap and then locked eyes with him again. What was there to lose now? You had nothing now. Nothing but the freedom to choose.
"Yes of course i will. Id do anything for you" you managed to speak through the thickening lump in your throat, managing to push through the emotional whirlwind that encased the two of you.
"And i you. Perhaps it is not too late for us, maybe we can both finally break our chains and find the true love we have always craved"
"Dont say things like that, you love padme and that wont change. And thats okay Vader." you grunted into him still weakly trying to deny what had just happened. Still convinced that Vader was lost in his own feelings and hurt by his wife. Refusing his love for her out of spite.
"You love many people, why would you think im any different. I have always held you close to my heart. I do love you, i thought i loved padme more. But... I was young and foolish, you were jedi and untouchable she wasnt. I loved you enought o never risk you, yet i didnt do the same with her. Maybe i was wrong?" He sighed pondering hos own reasoning and short comings. Maybe he should have giving things more thought before jumping the gun the way he had. He would admit after his marriage hed been torn, happy to have a slice of normality but felt an uncomfortable pain when he'd watched your face drop at the news.
"Fuck anakin really must be dead. He's never been wrong before" you laughed slapping at him playfully. He grunted pushing you back making you fall back into the ash calling you a brat.
"Oh thank god theres still some sass in there, for a second there i though vader was going to be a boring old fart" you both chuckled at that and for a second there was nothing else. No responsibilities, no betrayal no jedi of sith. It was just the two of you chuckling at your own antics as youd done so many times a children. Before everything real and pure had been stolen away and twisted for someone elses gains.
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"Come. We should go he isnt patient" vader spoke glancing up the ridge as he felt Sidious approach looking down the bank to the both of you. He stood with a grunt dragging you up beside him with useing the force. You gasped lightly at the way his life force acquainted itself with you in a new familiarity. It was forbidden to use the force this way, touching carelessly could cause unbreakable force bonds, your own life forces could mingle and become reliant on one another. It was almost seen as rude and obscene to let your force touch someone else outside of healing and battle.
You eyed him flushing but said noting, instead shyly opened yourself up to him as you both began to climb up the bank towards sidious. You felt unsure as you followed vader, but you trusted him. Sidious might not have wanted you but... would he real1ly deny another corrupted jedi? Your answer came as you approuched him, he peered around vader to you and his face lit up into a sinister grin. He nodded eyes glinting with glee, it would seem he was pleased with his two for one deal.
"Come, let's get both of your injuries tended to and then we can discuss our next objectives" you relaxed visibly at that before letting Sidious lead you both away. You weren't sure what was going to come next, and selfishly you didn't care. All you knew was for the first time in your life, you'd made the choice. And you will stay beside Vader for along as he allowed you to. You will not turn your back on him. Not now, not ever.
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kumezyzo · 8 months
Note
omg so idk if this is a weird request or not but I was watching a tv show and thought this idea would be cool for sapnap😭😭
brothers best friend sapnap (or bbf!sapnap) where him and the reader have to hide their relationship from dream and george (dream or george ,depending on what you prefer to write, being the readers brother)
its not a weird request! ive never thought about this type of scenario with them so this is actually really fun for me to write and come up with plot 😭
i wrote for both brother dream and brother george. and i wrote specifically twin!dream and older brother!george (separately). to make the age gaps less scary😭 and for plot.... nonstreamer fem! reader. and i ended up making this a little too long and angsty so im sorry 😭😭😭
okay, enjoy!....or dont :) m.list
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brother!dream
bbf!sap who youve known and been friends with since day one because of twin!dream.
twin!dream who you tell everything and noticed when you started crushing on his closest friend.
"do you like nick?" he would ask you one day when youre eating together silently.
you pause mid bite and look up at him, your heart having skipped a beat. you look back down and finish chewing as you come up with something to say.
"why are you asking me that?" you ask back with an awkward laugh.
"fuck- you do dont you?" he would sigh in annoyance.
"and what if i do?" you ask defensively. "its not like hes gonna like me back. nothings gonna happen."
he looks at you, his eyes looking over your face. the face he had been familiar with his whole life. the face that he had grown with and trusted more than himself.
"whatever..."
bbf!sapnap tried to hide his crush on you from both you and dream but failed miserably with the latter.
"do you like yn?" clays voice sounded through nicks headphones. he furrowed his eyebrows as if to fake confusion although they couldnt see eachother.
"what are you talking about?" he asked, confusion completely lacing his voice.
"do you have a crush on my sister?" clay said more pointedly this time.
"what, no?" nick responded defensively. "why would i like her?"
"i dont know. you just seem... different around her," clay explained, the clicks of his mouse being heard after his voice.
bbf!sapnap who found it harder to hide and fight his feelings for you once he moved in with you two.
in turn, he started leaving the room when you would walk in. he would barely look at you when the three of you were in the room. and you felt your heart hurt more and more slowly as the weeks went on this way.
bbf!sapnap who had to tell you how he felt about you after you mentioned someone asking you out.
"did you say yes?" he asked a little too quickly for his own liking.
"i mean, yea, why not?" you shrug, moving through the kitchen.
"is he...a good guy?" clay asked you from next to nick on the couch. from your angle, it looked almost comical the way they were both turned to look at you. confused expressions heavy on both of their faces.
"i dont know clay," you say with a scoff. "i just met him today."
clay got up and walked over to you, "okay, well... dont die?" he said unsure. you rolled your eyes up at him and crossed your arms. he nudged your shoulder as he went to the fridge and grabbed a water bottle.
"thank you, really. great advice, clay," you say sarcastically as he rounds the kitchen island to the stairs.
"anytime! night!" he calls out as he walks up the stairs. leaving you and nick alone.
you sighed, waiting for him to get up and follow his friend up the stairs. you didnt expect him to stay where he was, watching you from the couch.
"what...?" you ask, looking behind you as if it wasnt you he was looking at.
"so you're going on a date?" he says mainly to himself. "when?"
you let out a deep exhale as you think for a moment, "im not sure yet. he's yet to tell me. told me he would text me when he had a gap in his schedule," you said, trying your best to not make the conversation more awkward than it already was.
"hmm," nick hummed as if in deep thought. he looked down at the white tiled floors. you pursed your lips and glanced at the stairs.
"well, i think im gonna call it a night..." you trail off, hesitantly heading towards the stairs, waiting for him to make some comment or attempt to keep the conversation going.
when he didnt, you continued on your way, beginning you mental spiral on why he was acting this way with you.
"wait, yn," he called out just as you were about to place your foot down on the first step. you looked over at him, confused. "i need to tell you something."
his heart was pounding in his chest, unsure of how to proceed. you felt like you were going to be standing there the whole night with the way he wasn't speaking. and that idea alone made your stomach twist and flutter.
"what is it?" you ask with an awkward laugh.
he took a deep breath, running his hand over his face. the longer you stood there, the more anticipation filled you. the awkward smile on your face falling and slowly replaced with something more serious.
"nick?"
"i like you."
bbf!sapnap who tries to not make it obvious how suddenly he's not ignoring you or avoiding you anymore.
but he cant now that your two are dating. its too hard to not smile at you when you walk into the room or want to sit right next to you when the three of you were sitting around.
bbf!sapnap who sneaks you a few kisses when dream isnt in the room.
"nick!" you whisper shout as you pull away from his kiss. "he literally just walked out of the room, relax"
"but i wanted a kiss," he pouted, leaning in for another. you squirmed and pushed him, looking at him like he was crazy.
brother!dream who knows you two are dating but just waits to see how long you guys can keep this all up. he finds it amusing and annoying but he would rather wait for you guys to tell him on your own time.
when you do tell him, he doesnt even bother to act suprised. he just shrugs and laughs at you with a "you guys are idiots."
brother!dream who later has to sit down and talk to sapnap about dating you.
"dont do extra shit around me. like weird and kissy," clay says with a disgusted face almost as if the idea alone was repulsive. "and please dont have sex while im home."
"what-" nick cuts himself off with an embarrassed laugh.
"im serious. if you do, i dont want to hear that shit."
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brother!george
bbf!sapnap who knew of you and spoke to you a few times. the first time he spoke to you in person was when he came to visit george. He had seen you in pictures and an occasional off chance FaceTime call where you're in the background and waved across the room.
when he sees you for the first time, in person, it throws him off guard how different you look. in the few pictures he had seen of you, he hadn't realized they were from years past. you had obviously gotten older and he realized you were his age. not sixteen.
bbf!sapnap who can't stop staring at you when you're having lunch with him and george. everytime you laugh or make a joke, he feels like his heart does a little happy dance.
bbf!sapnap who asks for you number on a night you two are getting to know eachother more.
"hey, whats your number?" he asked, trying to seem nonchalant. you smiled at him suspiciously.
"why?" you asked in response trying not to sound as smug as you felt.
"for...emergency reasons," he said, realizing how much it sounded like bullshit. even to himself.
"right..."
bbf!sapnap who cant help but talk about how he finds you attractive on stream with george.
"yea guys, i met yn too," he says, glancing at george. "you never told me how hot your sister was, george."
george looks at nick with a disgusted face, "what are you talking about?"
nick shrugged and read a chat, changing the subject as george looked at the camera with a grossed out face.
bbf!sapnap who starts talking to you when he gets back to florida without george knowing. the only clues he gives are talking about how he finds you attractive.
when you two start dating, you start to feel bad for lying to olderbrother!george about it. so you ask him hypotheticals and drop small hints here and there.
"would it be weird if i thought sapnap was cute..." you ask him nervously. george looks up from his phone and furrowed his eyebrows.
"...do you...?" he asks slowly, eyeing you weirdly.
you shrug, trying to be nonchalant despite the type of question, "He's not terrible looking... i guess."
he rolls his eyes, "just dont start dating. then it would be weird."
you stare blankly at your phone, as you chuckle humourlessly at the irony.
bbf!sapnap who has to ask dream about what to tell george.
"wait, nick, you guys are dating?" clay asks incredulously. "and this was after george talked in detail about how much he hated the idea of you two together?"
"before, actually," he said, crossing his arms.
"that doesnt make a difference, actually," clay says with a scoff. then he rubs his hand over his face and sighs. "just tell him. worst that can happen is he gets mad and gets over it eventually."
"well, i dont want him to get mad at us," nick said, stress laced in his voice.
"well, you'll have to tell him at some point."
after a week or two, you decided to tell olderbrother!george yourself.
"hey, george, i have something to tell you," you say, trying masking your fear.
"mhm," he hums simply, looking down at his phone. you close your eyes for a second as you took a deep breath. george looks up at you waiting for to speak. "what is it?"
"nick and i are dating..." he looked at you blankly, looking over your face.
"what?" he asks, hoping he just heard you wrong.
"we're dating..." you say. waiting for him to freak out on you.
"okay?" he says dumbly. you laugh awkwardly, confusion clear on your face. "i was kind of expecting it."
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yea georges was kinda garbage. specifically the ending. but i kinda wanted to post this. and i guess it wasnt really them hiding it, but more so just them hiding their attraction? so my bad.
i think i just need to actually doing what the asks ask me 😭😭 i hope you enjoyed anyway... -nony
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wh0refornikolailantsov · 10 months
Note
prompt: "there's nothing I wouldn't do to keep you safe"
w Tolya x reader plss:))
Oh yes please.
Keep Me Like A Prayer - Tolya Yul Bataar
Content Warnings: Not Beta/Proof Read. Abandonment Issues.
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"You... you are sending me away?" You ask. You are stood in the hallway made of tall marble, and it's never felt so daunting as watching Tolya stand in an arched doorway, taking up all the space the arch gives to him, and being unwilling to meet your eyes. "Tolya? Tell me you arent sending me away."
"I am asking you to go with Genya," he says.
"So you're sending me away," you state. You couldnt believe it. After everything. With everything so close to being over, for better or for worse, Tolya was trying to send you away.
"I am not," he tries. You can see Tamar behind him, sat at a table, suddenly very interested in her plate of food.
"Tamar?" you call out, not even having to ask.
"It's not sending you away, but it's not... not sending you away," Tamar says, and before you can pull her into it any further, she grabs her plate and leaves with as much subtlety as as a bird stuck in a net.
"You are sending me away," you say adamantly.
"There's nothing I wouldn't do to keep you safe," Tolya says. "Including things that might make you mad at me for doing them."
"Tolya, sending me away won't keep me safe," you say. "You keep me safe, we keep each other safe."
"I cannot do this with you here," he admits quietly, "I cannot be what is needed of me while I think of you being in danger. I cannot bare the thought of losing you, so I would rather send you so far away that I might never see you again, rather than have you here, and in danger."
"Tolya," you sigh. You understand, of course you understand, but it doesn't make the idea of him sending you away sting any less.
"The Saint's will keep you safe, and I have to believe that, but I cannot put you in further danger just so I can have you beside me, I cannot, and I won't, I won't ask that of you," he says.
"So instead you ask me to leave, you can ask that of me?"
He looks smaller than you've ever seen him. "It is the necessary evil that keeps you from harm then I will ask things of you I never thought I would, if it's what it takes to keep you safe," he says.
You want to argue with him, you want to point out that not knowing where the other one is and how they are doing is just as dangerous as the distraction of being around each other. But you know how hard this must be for him, he who wanted nothing more than for you to stay with him, who fought to have you beside him, and has never been as happy as when you are at his side. You know how much it must be taking from him to ask this of you, and you will not make it harder than it has to be.
"Okay," you say, looking at the floor, "I do not like this, but I will go with Genya, because you asked me to, and because if I do this, you have to promise you will return to me."
"Nothing will keep me from doing that," he promises. He doesn't say it, but you can feel the words: Not even the Saints.
"I do not pray often," you admit, voice quieter now, "but I will pray for you, Tolya. I will pray for you ever moment we are apart and until you safely return to me."
"And I will safety return to you."
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nozomi-akamivt · 1 year
Text
Scalpels and Paintbrushes || Chishiya Shuntarô x Reader
- read ‘til the end for notes -
When a freelance artist travels to Japan to rekindle her passion for art and her life, she finds herself in a whole other predicament. Dangerous games, dangerous people, a dangerous world with dangerous rules. She’s alone, fending for herself, until she meets a disoriented medical student that will bring her comfort but might bring more difficulties and heartbreak aswell.
TW: gore, Niragi being Niragi
Chapter 7: I am not a Woman I'm a God
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The first two weeks of being alone without Chishiya were the worse, I felt disoriented, like I was a ship lost in a turbulent sea without an anchor to keep me in place. I lost an arm and it also felt like I had lost a friend, or more than that... a lover.
I didn't know what we were, everyday, I wrapped my wound and felt the stump left instead of my arm, wanting it to be him helping me lick my wounds. Everyday I fall asleep with my walkie talkie clutched tight in my arms. I was waiting for him, because he was the only one I had left. And unlike Hide or Yumeko, he wasn't dead, I didn't kill him, he was fine....was he? Is he? I still have no news and I am starting to lose my mind. I try to be positive, to tell myself he'll call but then another week passes. Two more games are completed. They are harder when you only have one arm left.
"I should get in better shape, I'm back at letting myself die at this point."
Looking in the mirror I see that the chub that used to be around my hips and waist, and the one around my legs and right arm are gone. My face is looking thinner and my clavicles start to show. It has been hard taking care of myself while lacking an arm and someone to help me in this disorienting situation. I still needed to find ways to make everything easier for myself.
"I need to eat more, and I definitely need to do something about this nest of hair."
"Seriously, I need to put on some muscles, I won't be able to help anyone out if I'm a dead woman standing. C'mon (y/n) he'll call when he can, when he's ready. He said he needed time, and so you will need some too, not thinking about him, but getting better for others and him to see that you are here, alive and well and ready to help."
Because that was my vow to Hide and Yumeko. That I'll help others in this shitshow of a world.
And with a sigh I cover up the mirror and prepare myself to go get the traps I set outside for wild rabbits, hoping for a good catch. Hunting by setting traps was by far the easiest way to get food for me, as I couldnt hunt with only one arm, or at least not yet, I'd adapt sooner or later I hope.
Fortunately, three rabbits were caught in my net. Enough to last me two days, and as I could make broth out of the bones they would last me even more.
That was how my life was since Chishiya left. One armed lass against the cruel world of the borderlands, waiting for her beau to call. Playing games when absolutely needed and hoping they didn't require two arms or else she'd be royally fucked.
And then three weeks turned into four, then five, six, seven, two months, then three, then four.
And as I lost hope of ever seeing him again, whether it be because he died or ghosted me, which would be the same in essence, I decided to take it upon myself to get stronger.
So one might expect a training montage while I say this and honestly it might be better but the reality is more cruel unfortunately.
It started after the one month mark:
In the mornings I'd wake up and run until my legs and lungs gave out, having two arms to catch yourself is easily taken for granted in situations like this one and I most often than not face planted.
Nose bloodied I made my way to the traps, some days luckier and more bountiful than others.
More often than not I'd go to games whenever I could in the evenings, they'd keep my mind sharp and would force me to adapt to my new disability. And as monstrous as it sounds, you easily get adapted to the sight of brain matter and organs on the floor and walls.
My stump hurt like crazy still, it also itched under the bandages. And more often than not, I woke up with the phantom pains, feeling as if my arm got ripped from me, again and again.
I could rarely fall asleep, so I went to take Chishiya's old blouse and used it to cuddle as i curled on myself during the hard nighs, which were most of them.
After the two months mark I got better:
My legs and lungs had a harder time giving out so I ran further and faster until they did.
I also barely managed to cut my hair at this point, it was down to the middle of my back and looked just about ready to be a rat king. So with gardening scissors, a lot of shaking and a lot of patience I managed to look like a little boy who cut his hair with daddy's ball trimmer. It was bad, but more breathable, easier to take care of, and I mean who doesn't like a short haired, one armed wonder?
I didn't but you get used to it when it's all you can have.
I also started hunting bigger catches, like wild boar. And to do so I had to learn by myself, with the help of books I found in the mall book store. My japanese, having gotten much better in the bast two months, helped me enough that I could decypher how to observe and analyse the tell tale signs of the presence of boars. Bite marks on the trees, shape of frictions on the ground, hoof marks...
And that also meant I had to learn how to make spears. You never know how much more useful can your legs get until you use them as a second arm to hold wood down as you sharpen it. And they are definitely of use when trapping a boar down as you pin the beast with all your weight and deliver the killing blow.
That also meant my right arm got much stronger, I mean to compensate for my lacking left one, I had to make it better than it was. So, remembering Yumeko's self defence lessons I started to use them on real people in games.
To train of course.
.
.
.
But also because those people really need to get a grip. The lack of physically present autorities and the permission to commit atrocities really get to some people and they need to get their brains out of their asses before they get got.
Of course if assholes died it isn't much of my fault, I mean I do warn them. But do I go out of my way to save a guy that just groped a middle school girl? Nah. Fuck that. I much prefer saving the pregnant woman from getting killed by a masked kitsune.
And the third month I started to see:
My stump had healed almost fully by this point, it was itchy yes, the phantom pains were killing me, also yes. But there were almost no signs of fresh flesh or almost no risk of infections. That was one less worry to have? But to give me more balance I put a belt around it and gave it some weight, it would help me be better and faster on my feet without fearing that I'll fall every second that I live.
The walkie talkie was loud with silence, it teased me, laughed in my face at my abandonment so I hid it in Yumeko's stuff. And speaking of Yumeko and Hide, I organized their stuff in boxes, but not without crying at the memories and reiterating my vow to them.
I swore once more to them that I'd live once more, but also that as much as I'll help the ones around me I won't trust anyone to be close again. Not if it ends up with death, not if it ends up with them leaving
I left the idea of Chishiya contacting me again, maybe he did die, maybe he really did just leave, or maybe he broke or lost his walkie talkie. But I have to forget him, as good as it was he isn't here anymore so I have to learn to be by myself.
And that had to be the hardest thing.
"Goodbye Shuntarô."
I say as I close the box containing his scrubs, ID and white vest.
And until the summer I thrived:
After the third and fourth months I felt it, how I hardened mentally. The loneliness didn't feel quite as gruelling, the sound of silence not as mean. The pain in my stump stopped and other than my flashes of phantom pain I was, almost back to normal, as normal as I could be lacking a limb.
During a game in Harajuku I also found much better clothes than what I had. And I decided to treat myself, a trench coat, similar to the one from the Kuchisake-Onna game that felt was years ago. But also better, stronger and more comfortable combat boots. The rest was easy enough to find as Harajuku is the fashion district of Tokyo. But looking in the mirror, it was a different me than the one I was when I first came to Japan.
"It pains me to say it, but this batshit insane game really did give me my spark back. Just not in the way I had hoped."
But a win is a win, and I was not about to refuse something alright happening to me.
Hunting was bountiful, once every four to five days I could catch a boar and on the daily would be fish, some rabbit too. I also started to grow chillies, soy, sorghum and wheat as they were easy to conserve and create durable meals out of.
As time passed I saw some sort of faction make itself more and more known, people dressed in bikinis and other swimsuits rolling around in old cars with guns and a strong smell of weed following them. They were loud and participated in a few games with me, seeming more excitable and deranged than the average game player around.
So, I kept an eye on them, danger is common around here but they were trouble.
"Why are you looking at those people like that?"
I turn around to see a tall lanky girl with dreadlocks looking at me curiously.
"It's fine, they just seem way too excited to be here."
"I hear you. I'm Kuina, nice to meet you."
"You're part of their org aren't you Kuina-san?"
"Oh please don't be so formal with me. And yeah, I am. Is that a problem?"
She asks looking a tad bit nervous.
"As long as you don't cause any problem, no. But if your friends do don't expect me to go easy on them."
"You didn't tell me your name?"
"It's (y/n). You've been with them for long?"
"Nah, only a month or so? I had a good card they wanted so they brought me to their boss and boom."
She shows her wrist, showing a locker key bracelet with a number on it.
So, it seems this org was looking for cards, did they want to have every number from every suit? Why would that be?
Could it be their answer to being out here, could it be a way out?
It would be stupid, but maybe not impossible.
All of a sudden a chime is heard.
"Game, Eight of Spades: The Cage. You will have weapons at your disposition and the group will be separated in four smaller player groups, each fighting in one of the four arenas until only one is left alive. The four players left will be granted their visas. Good luck!"
Damn, my fucking arm. I'm fucked, but I need to try.
On the four tables are an array of simple short range weapons, american fists, many types of knives, boxing gloves reinforced with metal, batons, tonfas, bo, kendo swords. All in all, they'd be better for abled people.
All except for one. A long and strudy steel chain whip with its blades looking ready to shred flesh.
I close my hand in a fist, trying to calm my shudders, and take the whip. It was heavy but not too much, the lack of material made it lighter than a two handed sword but the length made it harder to manipulate than a butcher knife. They will do, they have to. and all of a sudden it glows teal, displaying my name on the pommel.
"Players, please separate in even numbers to form the groups"
Kuina and five other people are sent to one side of the room to an arena as she nods good luck to me and I to her. A bald and tattoed man, feeling similar to a snake somehow, lead his group to another arena. A long black haired man with a monochrome patterned shirt and a sadistic smile lead his to the penultimate arena. And I was left walking with my own group to the last one.
Here we were given earphones.
"Welcome to arena four. The rules are simple, the matches are one to one and end only when one of you is dead. The winners will fight each other again one to one until two are left, the winner of this last fight will recieve their visas and be granted the right to keep their weapon. Good luck."
Some look anxious and others look extatic, as for the latter one of them approaches me and grabs me by the stump.
"I'll take you, it'll be an easy win for an easy woman."
"Of course you go for the disabled one, trying to compensate for something big boy?"
The people around us laugh.
"Cause if so c'mere, mommy will put you to sleep so you can think on it. Unless I bashed your brains in enough that I destroyed your last braincells."
I get in the arena and motion for him to come teasingly.
"(y/l/n) (y/n) against Yoshitsuke Kunizaku"
And Kunizaku doesn't waste time, coming at me full speed with his machete. So I drop to the ground and kick his feet from under him, his momentum making him fall harder than he would've normally.
He is like a boar.
He attacks again and again, brashly but with a strength to worry about. So just like a boar I slowly turn around him, I make him lose his breath with unnecessary chases.
He nicks me on the face, under the breasts, on the arm, on the leg. But he breathes herder, and as I evade him I swing my whip, and I cut and lacerate his legs.
And so they give up on him.
And he is left writhing, clawing his way to his machete and when he does he blindly cuts as he tries to get back to his feet.
"You see the sad thing about a bladed whip is that I can't kill you at once, so don't make it harder for yourself little boar."
The whip is lashed at the man, and the arm holding his weapon is cut again and again until only bone and mangled flesh are left. And as he bleeds and screams I swing the whip again and again and again. My rage, my stress, and the pain felt during the past months possessing my senses as I finish by wrapping the whip around his head and cutting it clean off.
.
.
.
"(y/l/n) (y/n) wins"
And I pant as I get off the arena, people looking at me while I pant and wake up from my haze. The rest of the fights are a blur until mine.
She was fast and slippery like a fish. She hit with small cuts, nothing impairing but definitely would make you lose enough blood on the long run so that she could win.
So instead of playing around like with the boar, I take her by her hair and kick her to the ground, then make her a belt out of my whip. I try to shut my brain off as I saw her in half and she screams in agony.
What am I doing with myself. That I what I ask to the inner me who laughs and just say one word that rises bile in my mouth.
"Survive"
Yeah, right, survive.
"(y/l/n) (y/n) wins"
My last oponent is a very tall man, probably ex military. He looks, blank. And I would be scared of him, if I wasn't already of myself. This game was only one of the many after the Eight of Hearts in which I had to kill someone....multiple someones. And I was doing it flawlessly. As I did last time and the time before. And the fact that I didn't feel much while doing it was disgusting me.
But that's how the borderlands are. They change you, and it's never for the best.
"(y/l/n) (y/n) against Hikaru Kazushi"
He waits for me to attack first. He is patient, almost catatonic. It's a game of who will crack first and give the upper hand to the adversary.
So I slowly approach, wating to tease, to tempt him to attack first but he doesn't. So I turn around and prepare my whip, acting as if I was preparing an attack.
And he beats me to it.
Hitting the back of my head with his american fists. He turns me around expertedly and hits just about everything he can.
My eyes start to fade to black.
I need to find an opening
But where?
WHERE?!
I don't want to die, not yet, I need to repent, I need to uphold my promise
I NEED TO LIVE
"Found it."
He was using his left arm more, flinching when using his right. When I heard him move, he limped and seeing as he ended with his right leg he limped from the left.
So as he winds his right arm to hit my face I turn at the last moment, trapping it between my stump and my ribcage in my armpit. I kick his crotch a few times to destabilize him and turn us so I would be on top of him, his arm still in my grasp. And I wind my legs around his left leg and squeeze, hearing a pained yell from him and a crack from the leg. I then take care of the right arm and hit his elbow, hitting it so that it breaks and then bending the limb to an unnatural angle, the arm almost completely cut in two.
"See, now we're twinsies!"
I say as I agitate my stump in his horrified face and then use what is left of my left arm to cut his hair flow. With my right arm I grab my discarded weapon and bring it to the throat of the bleeding man beneath me and slit his throat.
As he gargles with his blood chimes are resonating all around the building.
"Takatora Samura, Suguru Niragi, Hikari Kuina and (y/l/n) (y/n) congratulations!"
I get up and as I do I try not to look beneath me as I fear I will vomit. And I stay here for a while, standing up without moving. My breaths short and rapid, body covered in blood, short hair sticking to me like glue with my sweat and blood.
"Damn woman, that was hot. Do you wanna do the same but in my bed, I'd love for you to draw my blood and use me as a fucking punching ball as I fuck you into my mattress and cut you open."
wha- What the fuck?
"What the hell Niragi, don't you know how to talk to a woman?!"
"As if YOU were a woman Kuina. Plus she isn't just a woman, she's a fucking war machine! A blood Goddess!"
I turn to see that Kuina was arguing with the man that flirted with me...? The psycho himself was the monochrome patterned shirt wearing man from group three.
"Blood Goddess? I'm flattered but refrain from talking to me like that or I'll castrate you kiddo."
The tattoed dobby wannabe snickered at that and full on laughed when Niragi glared at him.
"We've seen you around sexy, you've made quite the impression. Everyone at The Beach knows about you one way or the other, you've killed many of us and always seem to observe. We'd like to recruit you, we're sure you got some good cards, plus we could have some fun you and I. One on one, or if you want more I could always call more friends, fill you up real good with all of us until you're round and satisfied."
I visibly cringe at this, I've seen him around too. Always laughing, always smiling, always with his gun and always sadistic and horrendous towards others if he isn't already gutting them open.
"Listen I get what your org is trying to do and I'm fine on my own, why should I get in?"
"Why not, we have electricity, we have pleanty of food, booze, drugs, anyone you could ever want to have sex with. We have comfortable beds and a shelter that is assured against any type of exterior attack from greedy newbies or other factions."
"Yeah! And (y/n) I could really use a lady friend, shit is pretty much boring for me female wise there, they all act the same and you seem cool! Wouldn't you like a friend?"
"Not really no, you know what happens to people around here, I'm not losing someone else around here Kuina."
She nods, knowing the feeling. And then her head shoots back up with her eyes sparkling. And she starts to talk as we get out of the building and towards their cars.
"Listen I know you don't want to come and I won't force you but if you have enough good cards you could very much become a member of the executive council, and then you'd get infos no one else has and influence!"
"And why why would I care?"
"From what I know you want to protect people right? With those you could very well be the guardian of our people here at The Beach. There will always be a purpose for you there, and you won't be alone!"
That had me interested. Loneliness, I had gotten adapted to it but it was certainly getting to me at times. There I could go to my room or disappear outside if I needed alone time.
I also would have a permanent job. Whether as a card collector or as a "guardian" as Kuina put. It would certainly give me a purpose other than waiting until I get a new game and visa.
And it would certainly beat the emptiness at home.
So I sighed and climbed in the car next to Kuina who beamed at me.
"Niragi, drive before I change my mind."
He snickers and answers with a playful "yes ma'am" as he speeds on the road.
It was quiet surprisingly, the night was black and it was cold enough to stay awake but it was also so comfortable. The wind was blowing on us. And I stood straight, holding the headrest of Last Boss (as I learned he prefers to be called) and let myself relax a bit. The blood caked on me was going to suck ass but I'm finally going to be able to have a bath. From what I've heard they even have a sauna.
"How the fuck do you guys have so much, are you in a hotel?"
"Sorta, yeah. We're in a holiday resort, so there's the hotel but also a shit load more."
"Damn. That's fun."
"Where did you live before?"
"Oh a store in a mall that old friends and I made into a cool living space. We recycled rain water, and lately I even grew my own food for some things. I hunted for my meat in the suburbs, mostly boar and rabbit but also fish. It was calm enough but I had to wack away a few assholes that tried to overrun the place."
Kuina then stands up holding Niragi's headrest to be with me.
"We also recycle rain water, we use the fuel from cars to fuel our generators to make electricity and the old cars are our means of travelling since electronics are not worth much in this world compared to analog."
"Yeah, I can see you guys are self sufficient if The Beach hasn't crumbled yet in the time it has been around, even with the large number you guys seem to be."
And as I finish talking I hear yells from afar, they get louder and louder as we get to the coast where a resort is situated.
They scream at us like the public yells in joy after a gladiator wins his fight against a feral animal, like a country welcoming their war heroes. And I look at Kuina, silently asking her if it was always this way, and by the way she laughs at my face, it seems to be the case.
And after the car was parked Kuina said goodbye to me and Niragi and Last Boss lead me to where I'd be introduced to the "executive council". Overall, I respect the organization of...well, the organization. And so we walked, up many stairs and down many corridors until we arrived at a large double door.
"So uh lady let me tell you, the boss is quit an egotistical asshole so try not to bite his head off, though I'd love to see it."
"Niragi, I'm not interested."
"Hey, but you might be some time!"
"Yeah, no. I like my men less psychotic and my women nicer. Open the door please? I'd rather get this done quickly and be able to shower."
"Sure baby, come to me anytime you want to-"
"Niragi."
And with that he knocked, calling upon the people inside who he contacted previously via walkie talkie, and opened the door with Last Boss. They allowed me to walk first and closed the door behind me.
"Come, come! Please sit! I am Hatter, the boss of this utopia that is The Beach!"
Yeah he's a hatter alright, a mad one for sure. Extravagant and loud but most importantly way too confident.
"And you, who are you sweetie? I gotta know who my future member is after all!"
"(y/n)."
"Not a talker are you?"
"Not really no, I'm efficient in my work, that's all you need to know."
"And that's fine! I love it when we have efficient players! What cards do you have darling?"
I reach into my backpack and pull a packet of a dozen or so cards and Hatter looks extatic. And as he looks excitedly through the cards that he snatched from me I look around the room. There is one man with glasses, he seems tense. A woman with sunglasses who seems to be impatient. A woman with short side bangs and long black hair who seems almost like she is pleased. A tall muscular man, probably ex military. And in the far back someone, in white...
In Hide's old clothes.
He looks at me, face lacking expressions but eyes showing surprise and maybe even fear.
The man that left.
The man who abandonned me.
The man I tried so hard not to think about anymore, not to love anymore.
Shuntarô Chishiya
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WELCOME BACK TO S&C EVERYBODY, I never forgot about this story I just had a rapidly declining mental and physical healthy I HAD to take a drastic time off of everything. Writing was the lesser concern so I appologize for continuing this story only nearly two years after last chapter. But due to my now stronger than ever mental fortitude, the new season of AiB and a multitude of projects that I have: I decided to come back and make it count. SO welcome to the new and bettered Arcanox tumblr which will in substance, be the my main hub of influence since it is where I have the most followers!
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yavehwrites · 1 year
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Xyx x reader angst
prompt:  “i can’t do this anymore.“
word count: 1k
content warning: none 
angst to fluff ( i was gna make it pure angst but i rmbed how much i love this silly fellah)
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You knew, you knew how much he hates clingy people. He hates it when people push him to open up. You knew that so well. 
So you never asked him to open up, you kept telling yourself “its fine i will wait for him”.
But it was always you talking, always you starting the conversation and him playing along with it. 
You were starting feel sick of hearing your own voice. How could anyone even like listening to me when i cant stand my own words? 
It was always the same topics, food, video games and what is the next big adventure. 
You look at xyx but you never see him.
He talks but never speaks.
He always manages to somehow make sure the mood is always upbeat, like sadness could never exist when he was around. 
You sat on his bed with your head hung sadly. You were starting to feel sick and tired of how everything is going. You wanted more of him but you were afraid you would push him away. When did it became a crime to show him how much you love him? Were you being clingy, annoying or even selfish? These thoughts circled around your brain. You kept trying your best to be the partner he wanted. But do you even know who you are anymore? 
As you were swamped with depressive thoughts, he walked in merrily. But stopped in his tracks when he saw you depressed. 
“doll, is everything alright?” He asked with concern.
You were so tired of eveything, and this was the type of tired that cannot be cured with a nap. You couldnt even open your mouth to reply, the gravity of your feelings weighed you more than you could imagine.
You managed say silent as a whisper “I can’t do this anymore”.
Xyx eyes widened in surprised and he asked again “What?” in a quiet voice.
You looked at him, feeling terrible so you redacted your statement.
“Sorry, it was nothing.” you say quickly, trying wipe the tiredness of your heart with your hands.
“No it wasnt nothing, you said you cant do this anymore! Are you breaking up with me?” He asked with a slow pain forming in his heart.
“Answer me! Did i do something wrong? What is it?” He asked unable to be wait for your reply.
“I love you xyx” you said quietly and he looked taken back and a little calmer.
“But you put a distance between us, it’s always there. Im holding your hands yet i can feel an invisible wall between us. You push me away and i know you do. Maybe you are not comfortable being open with me or you dont want to take this relationship serious. You want to keep it light hearted. But im tired because i feel like im clingy and selfish if i ask more of you. I want to love you more but i always fear my love is suffocating. I know i can be too much, sometimes i wish i can have distance from myself too” You reply with your eyes looking to the floor. This was terribly difficult for you to admit, your insecurities to the person you love the most. You wanted to show your good sides, the best version of yourself.
Upon hearing you speak, xyx felt heart shatter. Thunderstorms brewed in his head. How could he have let you feel this way? Did he say you were clingy? How could his lover think that their love was suffocating? If anything it felt like warm fire engulfing them in a cold night. He sat next you quietly and pulled you into a hug.
“I’m sorry, my love.” With that sentence alone was enough to set you into a sobbing mess. You hugged him back and held his shirt tightly. You didnt want him to leave, not ever.
“I tried- i tried so hard so you would keeping being in love me, but i dont even know who i am anymore” You say in between sobs. He looked into your eyes wiping your tears.
“There, there. I know, i know you try harder than anyone for me. Im sorry i left you feeling like you werent enough. That you think it would be clingy for you to ask me to talk more about myself or that you thought i was playing with you. I am so sorry, doll. I just wanted you to be happy when you were around me so i kept pushing off the more serious matters. I didnt want you to feel sad about my past.  I love you enough to be vulnerable with you. I love you more than that too. It was a terrible habit of mine and it made you feel inadequate. I am sorry.” He said sincerly.
“Tell me if you had a bad day, ask me to be there for you. Dont take it all on your own. I dont care if your ‘ruining the moment’ or whatever. If you are sad, i want to know. I feel terrible knowing i was happy when you werent. I want to be there for you” You say with the words getting all choked up in your throat.
“I know, i know doll. I’m sorry, I’ll do better from now. But i could tell you the same thing, please dont try to be perfect for me. You can show me who you are and i will still love you. Love is a choice and i would choose you a million times, no wait a trillion? what was the largest number again? zillionth times.” He says with a chuckle. His joke earned a smile from you.
“What I’m trying to say is, if you want more of me, i will give you more. But you should give me more of you too. I want you to tell me before you get tired like this, okay doll?” He says quietly, looking into your eyes with adoration and warmth.
“Yes” You say before falling into his chest and hugging him back. He thinks you’re adorable when you shy away from his eyes.
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etherealspacejelly · 2 months
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Okay so. This is a bit of a rant that I cant give my parents and... You're really supportive and all. I get that this might be too much, so... If you dont wanna answer this, dont. Its okay. It has helped me already to write it. And this is very clearly different to your usual asks.
Im not officially diagnosed with Autism or ADHD. Im very weird, struggle with a bunch of stuff and definitely have anxiety disorder. I kinda fell into depression? Im out of it now. Got a CPTSD diagnosis too. All the fun stuff.
Anyways. When I was in the clinic and people kept telling me I was super duper intelligent and basically could therapy myself and none of them understood that this self awareness was partially the fault of my depression, it felt like shit. They told me I was too socially adapt to be autistic and too focused for ADHD.
But they did say I could have a really high IQ, but didnt have a reason to test that.
When my parents asked why it was important to me, I didnt have words. I guess I always felt like the robot or the alien or the black sheep and that I had to make an effort to fit in. I always felt like I was missing out.
Would knowing change anything? I dont friggin know, Dude.
So why am I telling you? Its probably because you're really nice about these kinds of things and everything concidered, maybe I just wanna hear one person tell me that its okay to want to know even if it doesnt change anything. I couldnt explain it to you. I just wish I had been tested. Maybe things wouldnt have been so hard then? Maybe I could have been happier, you know.
This is a bad little pipeline to go down, but hopefully it makes sense to you anyways. Im trying not to think that way. I wanna know for myself. I want that stamp on the paper telling me Im not making it up. Validating my struggle, I guess.
Anyways. Im sorry for barging into your asks like this. Do you have any tips for people like me, who are just kinda... drifting?
oh sweetheart :(
im so sorry that you are going through that. i dont have any tips for you unfortunately, but what i can tell you is that you are not alone. there are plenty of people out there who feel exactly like this.
knowing you dont fit in but not knowing Why is such a common experience for late/undiagnosed folks. it is not at all unreasonable to want to understand why you feel the way you do, even if it wouldnt really change anything.
there is no such thing as being 'too smart' or 'too social' to be autistic. i was never considered for an autism diagnosis probably for the same reasons. we come in all shapes and sizes, and our symptoms present all sorts of different ways. and when you throw adhd into the mix things get even more complicated, and the adhd and autism can even mask each other a little, making it even harder to get a diagnosis despite the high comorbidity rate.
i see your struggle. your struggle was my struggle, for many years. just because it doesnt show outwardly doesnt mean it isnt there. you deserved to get the help you needed. and im very sorry that you didnt. i didnt either.
i hope that things improve for you as they did for me.
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fipindustries · 3 months
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super sad super raw break up feelings under the cut, feel free to read if you want
here we are once again, for the third time in a row that a trans girl breaks my heart.
the worst part is always ground zero.
i want to find a life partner, i want to find that person i can live with in the same house and build a life together with and grow old next to them.
every time i meet someone it felt like winning the lottery. it felt like i somehow magically found that one person in the world that could get me. that could tolerate me. that i could click with. i felt like i had that one shot and i had better not screw it up.
maybe im a hopeless old fashioned romantic with an outdated view of relationships but i want a marriage.
but she wasnt it, she couldnt be it. i never really had a shot. it was just not meant to be.
the worst part is being back at ground zero.
is knowing that they are not there any more. is knowing that i am alone once again, with the ensuing fear that every time it happens it will get harder to stop being alone. is the ensuing fear that i wont be able to find anyone better, that i wont be able to find anyone that can fill that void again. it the exaustion that comes with knowing that if i ever find someone else again i will have to start from scratch, i will have to go one more time through the whole rigamarole of telling them about my life, learning about their life. building trust from zero, building a life. how can it feel real again after it failed so many times. it felt like the real deal so many times before and it never ended up being it. it makes one despair of ever finding it.
is just more baggage turning me into more spoiled goods
i want to have what i had but i cant see myself having it with anyone else, i cant bring my self to try and build it up again with some stranger. my biggest fear in life is not to die, but to die alone and every time im back here again that feel becomes all the more real.
the worst part is finding my self back in ground zero.
two times i tried to build something serious and long lasting with someone else and in both occasions that person got bored with me, got over me, couldnt bring themselves to love me the way i wanted to be loved. they changed in some way, or i changed in some way, and whatever they used to feel for me got dulled and weak.
am i asking too much here? are my demands unreasonable? am i being entitled, do i have ridiculous standards? why do they people i love eventually grow distant, eventually grow tired of being touched, why do i reach a point where i have to ask them to spend time with me and they only wearily agree to do it as a favor to me not because they want to? why do i keep finding myself in situations where i have to keep hearing my partner say "no" to favors i ask for and me having to graciously brush it off as if its no big deal and of course they are fully within their rights to say no and, no, it doesnt bother me at all that is the 6th time theyve done it in a row despite me doing everything they ask for. why do i keep finding myself feeling alone despite being in a relationship. why do i keep finding myself in a situation where i feel like i am imposing on my partner merely by asking to spend time with them? is this normal? am i doing something wrong here?
not going to lie, this last relationship was a bit of a mess, there was a lot of arguments, a lot of crying, a lot of little insatisfactions and things not fitting quite right here and there and lots of little incompatibilities that kept popping up. and yet this is not relief, she was perfect all the same, she was great, she was amazing, she was fantastic. she was funny and so incredibly bloody smart and so so silly. and she was so challenging, she would bring a perspective that was so starkly in conflict with everything i believed in, she made me question so many fundamental things about the way i view life and philosophy and art. she was so fucking cute, she was downright adorable, specially when she insisted that she wasnt, and she was so jaded and so raw and weird and insane and uncomfortable and sinister and unpredictable. she was so full of words and of creativity and imagination and so impressively cultured. she was dark and intense and she would glimmer like hidden embers beneath ash covered obsidian.
she was fucking crazy man, she was a crazy bitch, that is why i loved her so much.
and now she is gone.
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tinukis · 3 months
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some details about one of my one piece ocs, Z here i should like draw proper ref of Z soon bc i think abt the little guy often. if i do talk about him more and draw him, i may just reveal his real name eventually
anyway theres really nothing happy about this boy from what i shared and i still have nothing happy. however the reason he even still holds onto life is because of books. he loves reading about adventures, whether the tales are from real journalists or something made up. it inspires Z to continue living on despite being chained down in hell
thats not what i actually wanna talk about, i just wanna talk abt something more lighthearted. while Z does appreciate all the strawhats, the ones hes most particularly fond of are luffy, nami, and robin
not that any of them told their stories, but that those four can really sympathize with Z. nami especially can relate with how Z believes he needs to shoulder everything himself to save his island considering hes only 13 enduring all this pain and suffering-- how he even refused to ask for the strawhats help until things were extremely desperate and that he had to accept that he really was powerless to do anything.
doesnt help that Z's "foster family" fed the strawhats too and how charismatic they are- Z thought that they were completely entranced by them so they wouldnt believe a word a bratty kid would say. and when Z felt completely helpless, he had pinned the blame on the strawhats and wished they never met bc things did go downhill for Z since his arrival
with robin, Z would talk about his favorite book and robin adores how he'd light up talking about it. not to mention him getting really excited when robin said she read the book before and gave him recommendations. (and as a parting gift, she gave Z a book she already finished reading. and it's about a kid his age starting their own adventure and writing everything about their exploits as they travel the world)
and with luffy, i'll admit was p hard to think about as hes not an easy character to write... but hes always been good w kids (AAAAUUUGJWHDIWHDK) and how theyve been inspired by him. what makes it harder to think about is how this kid has ace's face and acted similar to a younger ace. luffy felt a bit uneasy and Z just didnt like him at all. though theyre attracted to each other like magnets so kinda impossible to be separated without being pulled apart. when the strawhats went off to do their own things, luffy and Z somehow come across each other and it's like "stop following me!" / "you're the one following me!"
neither share what adventures they had and neither cared enough to ask. though Z was a little curious about who ace was and luffy bluntly says that theres nothing to know now bc hes dead. Z was about to pry bc ace had to be important to luffy but then again why should he care about this guy? he didnt care much about luffy and he was gonna leave soon anyway so they just left it at that. and as luffy gets distracted by a beetle on a tree trunk, Z suddenly disappears.
at some point though, luffy knew there was something wrong if Z couldnt just leave the place and people he claims to hate. and Z was startled by luffy's sudden interest in him and the island. he wasnt even sure if he could trust this pirate (esp when the 'rulers' were previously pirates !!) but he didnt feel ill intentions from luffy either so Z does tell him about the strict laws of the land which pisses him off gravely bc basically all of the people's freedoms are revoked and have to live a certain way if they wish to even live 👍👍
Z: "dunno why you're interested. you're gonna leave and forget about this hell of an island anyway. theres nothing you can do."
and again, Z cant trust others- especially not pirates. but the more time spent with the strawhats, the more respect and trust he gave. but he never once believed that they cared for him the same
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transmickey · 4 months
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hi weekly tag wednesday 🌅 thank you for this week's questions @suchagallabitch , and @creepkinginc @metalheadmickey @deedala for also tagging me 🫶
1. if you could switch bodies with anybody for only one hour who would it be and what would you do?
my best friend's cat because 1) i miss them and 2) he is so silly and dumb and does nothing all day and i need that rn
2. whats your most trivial / dumbest hot take?
mayonnaise is bad as hell like i'm sorry but EW
3. if you had to teach a college course what would it be in?
the only thing rattling around in my little head these days is chemistry (please can july hurry up i want to graduate immediately) so. i think teaching intro chem would heal me a little bit that shit was so mindless and i miss it
4. season 12 of shameless is suddenly happen and youve been put in charge! what plot point(s) are you gonna make happen?
*rubs hands together* carl quits the force + buys the alibi. ian and mickey get a cat or dog im not fussy i just want pet dads. and ian + mickey actually having nice deep talks aand communicating and healing. im sending them both to therapy. fiona back at least just for a bit idk i miss her. lip + brad either buy bornfree back or start their own shop (BRAD! i love u brad). franny transgender (true). debbie actually meets a nice person and has a nice relationship please i am begging. aaaaand so much gay sex like so so much i am serious.
5. who would be your godly parent? (can be any mythology).
i am so sorry idk anything about any mythology
6. what’s something you love about yourself?
im a little bit funny sometimes. as a treat.
7. describe your day in 5 emojis:
🏙️📖👨‍🔬💻🥱
8. what shameless character do you think you could beat in a fight?
realistically just liam.. probably frank. definitely couldn't beat him but lip just because i want to punch him [affectionate]
9. tell us 2 truths and a lie, we’ll try to guess the lie!
👀 i don't like tomatoes, i've never broken a bone, i swam competitively for 6 years
10. do you have a pet(s). if so how did they get their name?
i do not :-(
11. show us a meme (or picture) that captures your essence
im sorry i went through my entire camera roll multiple times and couldnt decide so you get 4
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12. whats your typical coffee / tea / beverage order?
english breakfast tea with oat milk mmm
13. use a song to describe the last 5 years of your life?
ngl i thought harder about this than i did about everything else i did today combined
2023: faith healer - julien baker
2022: oh no! - marina
2021: scott street - phoebe bridgers
2020: young blood - noah kahan
2019: ribs - lorde
tagging some lovely people woo! @stocious @skylerwinchester @lupeloto @jrooc @heymrspatel @dynamic-power @milkovichrules @ian-galagher @deathclassic @tanktopgallavich @such-a-barbarian @mickeysgaymom @swiftfootedachilles @rereadanon
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pastanest · 1 year
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if you’re wondering why I’m having to repost this, or why you were perhaps previously following me but no longer are, please refer to this post. I was able to retrieve this thanks to @iamburdened - thanks so much!! ♡
Daryl Dixon x she/her!reader
spoilers: set in season 3
trigger warning: reference to verbal/mental domestic abuse
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Waiting In The Wings
Being in love was not something Daryl Dixon enjoyed. For the longest time, he denied the mere possibility of it, he never thought that somebody like him would experience such a thing. But when you arrived in his life, blinding in the most beautiful way, you changed everything. It was like Daryl’s world stopped, because it realised that it’s whole purpose was to revolve around you.
It was all the way back in Atlanta, he was out on a hunt when you arrived at the camp, and by the time he came back you’d already introduced yourself to everyone. As soon as you saw him, you walked over to him with the brightest smile he’d ever seen, and held out your hand.
“Hi! Im (Y/N), you must be Daryl! Rick told me all about you!” You were so cheerful, so genuinely happy to meet him, he couldnt believe it.
The scoff that passed Daryl’s lips was automatic, but unintentional, and the same can be said for the words that followed. “He tell ya t’ come talk to me too?”
You laughed, you genuinely laughed, as though you thought Daryl had been joking and not verbalising his own insecurities. “No, silly! I wanted to meet you myself, it’s only right, you’re part of the group and we’re new here, so-“
Daryl frowned at you. “We?”
You nodded. “Yeah, me and-“
A gruff voice shouted your name from within a tent, and you jumped, your smile falling as you turned to look at the man clambering into view behind you.
Daryl was angry, he couldnt help it, nor could he understand it. Such a pure joy had survived in you, but that man had the audacity to steal it whenever he made an appearance. That anger stayed with Daryl, but somehow it didnt keep you away. You chose to sit with him to eat whenever he wasnt away on a hunt, you made conversation with him wherever you could. He couldnt fathom it.
By the time the group found the farm, you’d managed to break through some of Daryl’s hard exterior. He allowed himself to enjoy your company, to actually have decent conversations with you that werent almost completely one sided from you. Whenever you were with Daryl, he made you laugh harder than anyone else, you never lit up quite like you did when he was around. The rest of the group noticed, of course, but they wouldnt dare interfere. And just like Daryl, they knew the asshole that was your boyfriend.
More times than Daryl could count, he’d found you sobbing silently, all by yourself in various places across the farm, in the dead of night. And every single time, he’d sit with you, wrap an arm around you, and wait. Sometimes, you wouldnt say anything, just cry it out, thank him, and go. But sometimes, you would tell him what had happened, what that fucker had done to make you cry this time. Daryl tried his absolute best not to be insensitive, not to tell you to “just leave him”, because he knew you too well, he knew that wouldnt get through to you. So he just listened, and comforted in the best way he knew how: protective silence.
The mornings after nights like that were always a little awkward, because you would walk up to Daryl like everything was fine, and he wouldnt be able to just play along.
“He doesnt hit me or anything, it’s fine.” You told him once while the two of you ate breakfast at his camp, a safe distance away from everyone else.
Daryl turned to look at you and you avoided his eyes, knowing you wouldnt like whatever he was about to say, because you knew it would be true. “Don’ downplay it, y’know it aint right. Hittin’ ya would just make it more obvious.”
But Daryl knew you too well. No matter how many times that asshole screamed in your face, threatened to leave you, called you every unholy thing under the sun...you couldnt leave him. You’d explained it to Daryl once before, completely by accident. You’d casually brought up how disconnected you felt to the world before, to who you were before all of this, and that your boyfriend felt like your one last living connection to both. It wasnt in Daryl’s heart to agree, but he understood. If you lost that last connection, you thought you’d lose everything, every trace of the person you were and the life you had, everything else you’d lost would go with him. Daryl didnt have that, but he didnt need to, because he had you as his best friend. It didnt matter that he didnt know you before, because he was head over heels with who you’d become.
Naturally, your boyfriend and Daryl did not get along. While Daryl’s disliking to him was justified, your boyfriend despised Daryl simply because he made you happy, and took you away from him, the man you were supposed to love. Time and time again, Daryl would see him yell in your face and you would cower away, but anytime your boyfriend tried to get at Daryl, you would lose it. He couldnt believe the first time he saw you give that fucker a piece of your mind.
“This piece of shit redneck aint got nothin’ on me, I could take him out in a heartbeat, and I will if I see him near you again!” Your boyfriend threatened, and Daryl took a step forward, ready to stand in front of you and defend himself, but you put a hand on his chest to stop him.
“Leave him the hell out of this! In fact, leave his name out of your mouth entirely, because if I hear you say shit like that again I’ll spin your fucking jaw.” You seethed, before storming past your boyfriend, deliberately slamming into his shoulder as you pulled Daryl away, leaving both men stunned.
It was an altercation just like that one which resulted in you and your boyfriend being separated when the farm fell. He’d found you and Daryl laughing together in a secluded part of the farm, and got so mad he stormed off into the wilderness. Nobody bothered to follow him, and you didnt see him again until you saw walkers tear his stomach open and pull his intestines out right in front of you.
Daryl had just been racing towards you on his bike to rescue you, but when he followed your eyes and witnessed that, then saw you start to go into hysterics before you fainted in the middle of the field, it was all or nothing. He jumped off his bike and ran to you, shoving walkers left and right to keep them away as he swung you up in his arms and ran with you back to his bike. He rode to the highway with Carol, while you laid unconscious between his body and the bike to keep you from falling.
That gorgeous smile, his favourite laugh in the world. They became distant memories. Daryl used to be able to make you smile and laugh more than anyone else, he could barely manage to bring them back most days. Even finding the prison didnt pull you out of the deep abyss you’d lost yourself in.
Daryl shares a cell with you in the prison now. Every single night, without fail, he hears you in the bunk above him, waiting until you believe he’s asleep before you let yourself break into a thousand pieces, sobbing as quietly as you can into your pillow until you pass out. Daryl has tried talking to you about it, but you just shrug it off, apologising lamely for potentially keeping him awake but never saying more than that. These days, you cant even make it out of your cell. Your only movement is travelling from your top bunk to Daryl’s bottom bunk once he’s no longer in it, because Hershel comes to check on you everyday and it’s much easier for him to talk to you when you’re in the bottom bunk. By no means is Hershel particularly trained in aiding this kind of thing, but he’s the wisest person in the prison, the most trusted one to deal with your fragile state, apart from Daryl. Other people come to visit you too, Rick drops by every once in a while, Beth and Maggie too. Daryl even brought Judith in to see you once, and you burst into tears at the sight of her, it was just too much for you.
Anytime Hershel goes to see you, Daryl waits down the corridor for Hershel to walk by, and tries to get him to give him an update on how you’re doing, or what you’ve said. Daryl is your best friend, there are some things you just cant tell him because it’ll hurt him to hear you’re in so much pain.
“How’s she doin’?” Daryl asks the moment Hershel rounds the corner. Hershel used to jump at the sight of Daryl waiting for him, but now he’s used to it.
He sighs. “It’s private, I will tell you no more than the fact that she doesnt want to end her life.”
That is music to Daryl’s ears, and he doesnt pester Hershel anymore, letting the wise man pass him by.
Hope is restored in Daryl then, and he forms a plan. It’s a very vague plan, but still a plan. Before now, he didnt know if there was any way for him to help, or if it was even possible, but hearing even the tiniest ray of a positive sign from Hershel gave Daryl the determination to try anything. He was already eating every meal with you because he knew even if you didnt feel like eating, you’d get hungry watching him eat and wouldnt be able to resist. But Daryl starts doing more. Every single day, he brings you a flower. Just one, everyday. Once he’s picked every flower within the fences, he goes beyond the fences everyday to bring back a single flower for you, not that he’d ever tell you that he potentially risks his life for that. The smile on your face, however small, is genuine whenever he brings you one, a smile so small that other people probably wouldnt even notice it, but Daryl does, and that alone makes it absolutely worth it.
His own smile lingers on his face as he patrols the fence, hours after giving you your daily flower and seeing a glimmer of you returning to yourself. The sun is setting, and Daryl’s just returning back to the prison doors when he sees something that stops him dead in his tracks. You, walking outside, squinting in the light and shielding your eyes. Daryl sprints up to you.
“Hey there sunshine! What’re you doin’ up?” His voice is soft with you, it always has been, but lately it’s been even softer because he knows how fragile you are.
You smile at him then, not quite your beaming bright smile, but almost. “Felt like it was time to get some air.”
Hershel’s standing behind you, smiling away like he knows something, because he does.
That night, you dont cry yourself to sleep.
Daryl waits until he hears soft snores before he allows himself to fall asleep, but your crying wakes him. You may not have cried yourself to sleep, but you started crying in your sleep.
Daryl stands up from his bunk and gently shakes you awake.
“Hey, hey, (Y/N), wake up, yer alright.”
Once your eyes open and you realise where you are, you shakily climb down the ladder and Daryl picks you up in his arms, carrying you bridal style.
“C’mere sweet girl, ‘s alright, yer alright, I’ve gotcha.”
He sits back in his bunk, letting you lie between his legs with your head on his chest, he plays with your hair and draws patterns on your arm to calm you down. It takes maybe fifteen minutes for your tears to stop, but he waits, and they do.
“It isnt grief that’s doing this.” You say suddenly, finding your voice.
“What?” Daryl asks, beyond confused by such a simple confession. Not once had he considered that you were dealing with anything else, he’d seen other people grieve, he saw what happened to his dad as a result of grief. The catalyst of this was the death of your boyfriend, how could it possibly be anything else?
“It’s guilt.” You say, only leaving Daryl with more questions.
“What d’ya mean?” He speaks into the dark, willing to wait forever if that’s what it takes for you to find the words you need. Much to Daryl’s surprise, though, it seems that you’ve been spending all this time in the prison finding the words, because you start speaking them right away.
“Seeing him die, it hurt, it made me feel like I’d lost something, but it didnt feel like I’d lost someone I loved. I didnt love him in the end, I couldnt. He was the last connection I had to the world before, but he was a dick, I knew that, and I was stupid to stay with him for the sake of nostalgia.” You shake your head, clearly disappointed in yourself, but Daryl is still confused as to why. “It isnt so bad because he definitely didnt love me either.” You say, reciting a truth you knew to be real, one that you’d recited to yourself time and time again while coming to terms with all of this.
“Then what are ya feelin’ so guilty about?”
Daryl questions, wondering if now that he knows it isnt grief at the root of this, whether there’s more he can do to help.
You take a deep breath. “I fell out of love with him long before finding your group, and it was only when I did that I realised, because I fell in love with someone else. Every single day, I knew it was there, but I ignored it, pushed it away. Seeing him die made me realise that I’d wasted so much time on him, if the one I loved had died in his place that night...” You shake your head frantically, wiping your eyes with balled fists before resting back against Daryl’s chest. “I should’ve admitted my feelings, to myself and to him. I feel guilty for not ending things with him, for not letting myself move on with someone who was so much better for me, for forcing that person to sit and watch me pretend to love someone else. And now I feel even worse, because while I’ve been stuck like this, the guy I’ve been scared to adore has been taking care of me.” You admit, and without needing to explicitly say it, the penny has dropped right in Daryl’s lap, where you lay nestled and nervous, awaiting his response as you awkwardly stare off into the dark.
After a few minutes of silence, Daryl speaks up. “‘m guessin’ yer not talkin’ about Hershel?”
You chuckle at that, your first laugh in what feels like an eternity, and Daryl’s heart sings. Shaking your head again, you snuggle back into Daryl, neither of you needing to say anything else. Soon enough, you both fall into the most peaceful sleeps you’ve ever had.
Daryl doesnt make a move on you, it isnt the right time, he knows that. Regardless of what you’ve said tonight, you need to heal, you need to be completely in the right mind before you make a decision like that. And he’ll wait. Even if he’s been head over heels in love with you since day one, he has all the patience in the world when it comes to you.
You also know that you need to heal, and you give yourself the time to do just that. After that night, the two of you stay close friends, but there’s a little something hiding behind shy smiles and small glances. It doesnt go further than that for a while, because it doesnt need to.
Until one day, when the two of you are out on a run. Daryl’s noticed that you’ve become yourself again. The you that previously only appeared in front of him, she’s now everywhere, in front of everyone, all the time. And he isnt jealous, because the rest of the world deserves to see the beautiful person he always knew you were. Before, if you werent with Daryl you were with your boyfriend, but now you talk to everyone without fear, without worry, and with so much joy.
He sees it as you’re humming and dancing to yourself as you walk in front of him, completely in your own world.
You smile and point up at the sky “Look! That cloud looks like an arrow! We should follow it.”
And then you’re sprinting off in that direction, making Daryl laugh as he runs after you. When you get a certain distance, you stop with your back to him.
“This is it.” You state, nodding to yourself.
“This is what?” Daryl questions, having no idea what you’re referring to in any capacity.
“Where the arrow was leading us.” You explain, still not turning around.
“Where are we?” Daryl asks, looking around to try and find anything worth coming to this specific part of the forest for.
You slowly turn around, that beaming bright smile plastered in your face, with rosy cheeks framing it on either side. You are the most beautiful person he’s ever known.
“I was thinking the destination of our first kiss, if you want it to be.” You suggest shyly, somehow managing to hold Daryl’s gaze.
Your own smile draws his out, and he strides over to you, hesitating just before he gets to you, causing you to grab the collar of his vest and pull him down to your lips. Daryl is so careful with you, he always has been, but his kisses show you an entire new plain of his adoration for you. His hands meet at the small of your back, pulling you closer as you tug at his hair, your lips forming words that would make angels blush. And you should know, because when you break apart, both of you are blushing, too.
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morrysillusion · 8 months
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while i will say its sad i didnt get to playing Lisa until recently (a case of 'no one told me enough abt this game to make me get it sooner') there is also something interesting to say about playing it now, versus what it would have been like playing it 5-10 years ago. because this game does touch on some hard subjects, and its not a simple 'this would be uncomfy to play as a 14 year old' and not even 'this game would trigger me' its just like, i probably would have seen it in the Height of 2015 toxic tumblr culture and i would have denied everything good about it...
cuz you know. that was generally the time where callout culture was at its height and it was kind of crazy- it was very out of control. and i was very sucked into the paranoia of trying to make sure i was never problematic. by no means did the game Lisa come up in my circle to deem it "problematic" but ooooo boy i know it wouldve been. and i know i probably wouldve heard enough about it to shove it to the side and think "no, never, this is disgusting and offensive" etc. for all the wrong reasons of course, and tbh i probably would come around eventually but it would have been much harder.
this is all to say-- its not always bad to be late to the party. i think i played this game at a really good place in my life. not even in terms of my own mental recovery over the years but just my own maturity and being able to like... better view this kinda thing. years back it felt like any peice of media tackling a sensitive triggering subject was deemed bad until proving otherwise, but even then there would be enough subjective opinions around that there would always be someone vehemently against the thing still. and paranoid teenager me, didnt want to be a 'bad person'.
Lisa was a good reminder to myself that these things can totally and should exist and you cant be so strict on stories that tell some of these subjects. you really cannot. its okay to have wavering suspicions about some when people have bad intentions but you cant just stop letting people write. that old tumblr culture made me feel like you literally had to fit every subject ever mentioned and if you didnt then you couldnt write it. or, you just had to tell everyone you had [disorder, trauma, etc] in order to write it at all. insane lol.
so yea sorry so much Lisa love rn bc that game went hard on its subjects and its painful (sorry, i dont intend the joke its just true) to sit through and it sucks, its uncomfortable, etc but there is nothing wrong with that alone.
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rk-ceres · 9 months
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Neglected PT. 1
George Weasley X Reader
PT.2 PT.3(+18)
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George gets busy and you fight.
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To say the shop was busy was an understatement for the passed two months George has rarely been home, you packed the rest of the food in the bag as you apparated to the office “hey love, i brought you dinner” you smiled at him as he mulled over the paperwork “i was thinking.. we could go out to the movies tomorrow night theres the new Marvel movie that came out, and then hit the muggle arcade. Or Theres a fair in town and i sorta wanted to go with you” you said with some hope in your eyes it was your 25th birthday tomorrow and you wanted to celebrate with your boyfriend by going out on a date “i dont think i can love, i have to get these done by Friday or we’ll be penalized” he said not looking up from his form “but….” You started “love i cant im up to my neck in paperwork” he sighed annoyance in his voice “its my…” “Y/N I SAID NO! IM BUSY JUST GO HOME!” He yelled tears filled your eyes “fine… i’ll just see you at home then. I love you” you sniffled out “love.. wait” he breathed out “Do you even remember what tomorrow is Weasley?” You asked him tears leaking down from your eyes he looked taken aback by you calling him by his last name he shook his head “im sorry love its just the shops been kicking my arse. With Fred on paternity leave its me doing the work of three” “whatever George.” You muttered under your breath “we’ll talk about it when i get home” he said annoyance still in his voice “And when will that be George next month? Or will i see you three months down the line. Do I have to make an appointment for you to come home?” You snapped at him “you havent been home in three weeks” you looked down wiping the tears from your eyes “WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT ME TO DO Y/N ITS MY MONEY THAT TAKES CARE OF US NOT YOURS YOU WANT US TO LOSE EVERYTHING WE HAVE AND ARE WORKING SO HARD FOR!” “NO I WANTED YOU TO MAKE TIME FOR ME ON MY FUCKING BIRTHDAY!” You screamed at him finally crying harder his eyes widened as he looked at the calendar on his desk “its the day before my birthday George” “love i…” he started “I WASNT ASKING FOR A FULL DAY GEORGE I WAS ASKING FOR ONE FUCKING EVENING ONE DATE! NEVER FUCKING MIND THANK YOU FOR SO GRACIOUSLY TELLING ME THAT I DONT MATTER TO YOU!” She yelled “WHAT ARE YOU EVEN ON ABOUT! OF COURSE YOU FUCKING MATTER TO ME Y/N!” “YOU SURE HAVE A FUNNY WAY OF SHOWING IT! GOD GEORGE HOW CAN YOU BE SO… SO…” you threw your hands up in frustration “so what Y/n” his voice low warning you to let it go but also challenging you to keep going “so clueless to everyone elses feelings but your own cant you see youre hurting me? Cant you see how much youre ignoring me for what?” Your voice breaks “we’ve been together for almost six years and not once have you forgotten our anniversary… my birthday… you made time for me for every small win I had you celebrated it with me. I took care of you. I took care of you before we even got together LETTING you and Fred get away as a prefect. Turning my head as head girl! I let you test your products on me you turned me completely blue! I never complained because i saw your brilliance and your potential from first year. I helped you not Fred with your potions and working out the bugs because i knew you and him would be big one day and now that you have your success? Your empire? You just forget about me. You know George. i never doubted it, I wasnt one who said you couldnt do it. I supported you. i cooked for you i cleaned for you through your over nighters. I took care of the scars Umbridge gave you. I…. i picked up the physical therapy duties helping you walk again after the war. I SAT UP WITH YOU THROUGH THE NIGHTMARES! I healed Fred while taking a wall to my back for him and after graduation I put my life on hold so you cold shine with your shop. Yes you make more money than i do. But if i had started when i was supposed to id be pulling in just as much as you are but I took that gap year for you to start this” she threw her hand up in frustration as he stared at her nostrils flaring
“but you have always been more important to me George. I LOVED YOU BEFORE YOU HAD MONEY! I LOVED YOU THROUGH HAVING MONEY! I CAN LOVE YOU WITHOUT HAVING MONEY BUT YOURE TOO DAFT TO SEE THAT!” You sobbed furiously wiping the tears from your eys swiping your thumb under your nose his eyes softened as you scolded him “Youre still the most important thing to me so much so that im still loving you even if you…. You dont even…. Realize…. Or notice me” You paused looking up to his eyes filling with angry tears and frustration “but as soon as Fred takes a step forward in life you decide to what? Punish me as if i did something wrong?” Your voice cracked “when was the last time you held me. You even remember that? Did I tell you my grandmother died? And that I need you?” His eyes widened he stepped forward “darling i” “NO DONT CALL ME THAT DONT MAKE ME OUT TO BE THE BAD GUY. YOU DONT GET TO GASLIGHT ME INTO BELIEVING YOULL MAKE TIME FOR US AND THEN YOU DONT! JUST. WHAT EVER GEORGE!” You yell he stops walking tward you “YOU FUCKED UP AND YOU DONT GET TO MAKE THIS RIGHT WITH EMPTY PROMISES AGAIN! TAKE SOME DAMN ACCOUNTABILITY FOR ONCE! Youve already promised it George ‘i promise i will make more time for you darling i just have to get through this month’ that was four months ago.” “So youre giving me an ultimatum?!” He yells “no George. Im giving you space to figure out what you actually want in life because the way its been going its sure as hell not me. I cant do this anymore.” “what are you saying Y/n” he huffed “im saying to Look at me and honestly tell me that youre not seeing someone else” you wiped the tears off your face “Y/n… are you saying you think id cheat on you?” He asked ludicrously “Baby… thats… thats not” “what am i supposed to think! Youre never home anymore George! I know. I know the shop comes first. But i… if you wanted to break up with me all you had to do was say so” “youre jumping to conclusions y/n! Youre putting words in my mouth! And assuming things that arent true!” he rolled his eyes “am i? Am i really? When was the last time you came home. When was the last time you kissed me because i cant remember. When was the last time that you told me you loved me? The last time you wanted to even touch me?” He looked down lost in thought “thank you. For your time. But seeing as youre busy and dead set in making me feel worse, unwanted, and worthless. Im going home. I hope you enjoy your dinner. Its your favorite i just made it because i missed you. I hope you dont mind.” he looks at you he reaches for your wrist “we’ll talk when you get home yeah George i know!” You yelled ripping your arm out of his grasp “see you in three fucking months!” You yelled as you grabbed your wand flashing out
he felt guilt for snapping at you he wanted to chase after you but he didnt he just rubbed over his face in frustration. You understood. You did but it still hurt. disapperating back to your flat you called Hermione sobbing a few minutes later he Flooed back into the flat needed to make sure you were okay. Your loud sobbing could be heard from the living room as he stepped out “i didnt mean to bother him.. i just wanted to be with him at some point tomorrow was that so bad of me? Is it so bad that i want to see him at least once every thirty eight hours or To request his attention?” She spoke into her phone “all i wanted for my birthday this year was for my boyfriend to spend some time with me. I dont want presents or a party at all. No lavish gifts just spoil me with attention love and kisses. All I wanted was was his time and attention like before thats enough i didnt mean to piss him off Mione…” she sniffled “hes never yelled at me like that before we’ve never fought like that at all! We yelled at eachother and i hated it. Its just like my aunt and uncle Dursley it brought me back to privet drive. this is exactly what i didnt want! i mean yeah. We’ve fought but hes never yelled. I froze… and yelled back he didnt even tell me i love you too. He just stared blankly at me and said ‘we’ll talk when i get home’ like hes home every night he hasnt been in our bed for two months he comes home to shower thats it! Im lucky if i see him before he pops back off!” she started to cry harder hurt hit him as he listened through the door “do you think theirs another woman?” You sniffle “maybe he’s found someone who’s worth the effort and its not me” you sobbed “when i asked he dismissed it like i offended him and he got so defensive about it it makes me think that he’s gone back to Angie” he was about to open the door “But its fine. Im fine. Its just another day anyway. I’ll just watch movies alone. Again i called off of work i dont think i can work like this” she sobbed into the phone “i mean i know my department in the ministry doesnt pay well i know but i love it it makes me feel like im actually making a difference i dont want him to fall behind because he takes care of me so i can do what i love but three hours tops. Thats all i asked i asked for three hours three hours of his undivided attention” she sniffled “no no. You and Harry dont have to come over, im sorry i ruined your date and dropping everything to listen to me rant. its fine im not up for company anyway. I just wanted him. Hes all ive ever wanted and dreamed about.” You sniffled as his grip loosened on the guest bedroom door “its just that for once i wish i was a priority, im fine with being an option… i know he works hard, and he’s stressed and things are hard right now one day. One day him to myself i havent asked for anything in months i pick up the slack at home. He leaves the house in shambles and i cook and clean when i get off tuck him in when he faceplants on the bed exhausted Mione he hasnt touched me since the baby was born and Fred went on Paternity leave he hardly even looks at me when hes home i feel so useless its like im invisible” she sighs out “i know he’s busy Mione but its been almost seven months since hes touched me or even looked at me! And when i try to talk t’im he gets snippy! Its like he doesnt remember me. Like im so insignificant that its easy to forget. Maybe I should just leave…. Maybe its over between us and he just hasnt found the right words to tell me that he’s fallen in love with another girl and hes.. hes just stuck with me. Ive moved into the guest bedroom im giving him space to figure out what he wants because i cant do this i really cant i dont know if im just being insecure or if i actually do have something to be worried about. i dont even think he’d notice if i just. Moved out completely” you let out sob after sob
“it would make it a little better if i knew where we stood if he still wants me the way he did when he promised me kids and a wedding, im just still his annoying clingy girlfriend that he just kicked out of his offic e!” ‘You can come stay with Harry and i for a while if you want too’ George heard Mione’s voice on the other end of the line “i cant. I cant leave him, hes still my one and i… I love him… i just needed to rant its not all bad, hes sweet and kind i just have to get through this paternity leave and hopefully things will be better” you sniffled “i just miss the man i fell in love with i havent seen him in a while” your voice broke “do you want Harry to talk to George? I can…” “No Mione it’ll only make it worse” you cried “i need to get to bed. Call you in the morning?” Your voice cracked “are you sure you dont want me to come over “im sure Mia” “if you dont call me by 11. In coming over. To check on you we’ll eat icecream and cry together.” after your phone call you laid on the bed sobbing with your knees to your chest
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fairestwriting · 2 years
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okok this is not going to be my most coherent post and i KNOW how armchair diagnosing fictional characters sounds like but, ive been working on this leona fic recently and it just makes me kind of think harder about his character??? if youve been following me for a while you know i have beef with how they portrayed him in ch 2 and everything and how easily it seems the conflict is solved even though IT WASNT SOLVED AT ALL!
i dont like leona as a Person either like if i knew him irl i would try to beat his ass, genuinely, but i also watched lion king five billion times as a child and i thought scar was the shit, and im the kind of fandom person who always fixates on the idea of rewriting things, so i have been. Thinking. doesnt it kind of feel like leona has like?? clinical depression? i dont think it justifies any of his actions, not in the slightest, but i feel like i can get a much better understanding of his emotions under this sort of theory if it makes sense
he did have that “upswing” in chapter 2 when he tried to come up with that plan to cheat in the tournament, but he gave up on it so quickly, and the way he does clearly feel he needs to cheat to win showcases a very clear lack of self esteem in him. yes he has a superiority complex, but it comes with an inferiority one too, and hes constantly plagued with this thought of how pointless everything is and how “life is unfair”. like in his head the feeling of superiority from his own talent, skill and potential, WHICH REALLY IS A LOT, is just constantly fighting this everpresent lethargy from how nothing he does seems to get him any closer to his goals. that hamster wheel sort of feeling that looks very characteristic of a specific kind of depression case to me
again. doesnt justify his behavior at all. he shouldve gotten so many more consequences from doing the magical equivalent of mass doping and Trying To Kill Ruggie but also thinking about the sort of Situation his head is in plus that tendency towards the grandiose and lack of consequence sight that comes from his privilege in his society. yeah his actions make sense.
and in a way it makes me sort of? sad for him? because hes extremely talented and intelligent, hes clearly powerful enough to counter riddles unique magic, and riddle is said to be the top student in nrc. he has so much potential but hes so beaten down from the things his life branded into his brain that he doesnt really see it.
logically i think he knows that theres more to life than becoming king. again hes very intelligent, but with it having been his dream, him having believed he had the potential required for it (and maybe even actually being better than farena? we dont know enough about farena to be able to tell that though) and then having that torn away from him from whats implied to be a young age, plus the treatment from everyone in the afterglow savannah court. like that clearly did drill some emotional instability in his head. no stable guy whos aware of his potential would have the sort of mindset he does. its illogical he focuses on how he couldnt become king like this, unable to move on from that and the hit his self esteem took from it.
if he had been mentally healthy, being someone whos clearly a very clever and determined type, he would have found another way to make use of his own skills. who knows why exactly he wanted to become king, maybe he did believe in making things better for his country, maybe farena isnt as good as he seems, if it has been a longtime dream of his i have a hard time believing he just wanted it for the sake of wanting it, kids dont really crave power for the sake of itself after all and do tend towards being more empathetic and hopeful than older people, from a psychological standpoint. and he wouldnt have been groomed to want that position, since its clearly established that as the second son, he would only become king if farena died
with his emotional state too, i cant help but wonder the details of how his parents treated him. we definitely wont know that in canon but imo these major depression traits line up with a case of neglect. maybe he doesnt even recognize it as such, he strikes me as the kind of guy who would look back at his childhood attempts at seeking affection as weakness, so maybe he thinks his parents would be justified in not really fulfilling his needs especially as that abyss in his self esteem started forming from his dream being slowly torn down.
HOWEVER, AND THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT POINT OF THIS IMPROMPTU ESSAY: he is still a cunt and i still hate him. thanks for reading like and subscribe
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