#and i can and would never express them'

[canisalbus]

the anon saying they wish vaschete were plushies inspired me

.

#oh no #oh #oh boy #they're adorable #I'm sorry but I'm just mentally smooshing their soft round little heads together #their expressions! #the teensy paws #really feeling that cute aggresion #you made their faces translate into simplified plush form so well #I'd be lying if I said it never crossed my mind how neat it would be to have plushies of them #not as merch but like to keep as mascots and have them sit contently next to each other in some nook of my home #I'm not completely hopeless at sewing but I've never designed patterns quite as complex as this #and I think commissioning a professional for a set is likely beyond my budget so eh one can dream #gift art #makedamnsvre #own characters #Machete #Vasco #from a technical point of view #I feel like I'd be adamant about keeping Vasco's ombre ears and muzzle but they could be potentially difficult to execute #unless you airbrushed them by hand or something I don't know how this works #and I'd probably be really picky about the texture of Machete's fluff as well #finding a faux fur with the right length curl and springiness might be hard #honestly I think I might have easier time if I tried art doll/ooak route because that permits more painting and sculpting than pure sewing #but then the squish factor would suffer

[utilitycaster]

Long ago, the four tribes of the Ashari lived in unity. Then, everything changed when the wizards were like ‘hey can we have this mountain”

#i have NEVER been more interested in the ashari tbh #usually i'm like keyleth and orym I respect YOU the rest are on notice #but this is like. it all makes sense now. #critical role #critical role spoilers #exu calamity #i still even after sleeping can't articulate how fucking good this is like. the way traditions continue when the reason for them has left #this is my absolute jam #and i can only express it through very silly posts bc otherwise i would jenny slate scream

[skitskatdacat63]

I don't think I can ever emotionally recover from these

#the inherent romance of monaco parc ferme #seriously these murdered me i really can never recover from them #screaming crying THEM!!!!!!!! THEM!!!! THEMMMMM LOOK AT THEM!!!!! #jense's hand basically covering the breadth of seb's back im normal im normal im normal im normal im normal #the gif version of this you can only see seb's face and hes very fond too sob sob and they keep holding hands while theyre talking sob sob #THE WAY SEB'S CLOSING HIS EYES ANF RESTING HIS CHIN ON JENSE'S SHOULDER AND JENSE'S SMILE ABT IT #JENSE'S FOND EXPRESSION IN THE 2ND PIC LOOK AT THE WAY HES LOOKING AT HIM WITH THOSE FOND EYES IM GONNA CRY #pictures that make me need to get up and run laps around the room bcs im seriously gonna burst into tears #2011 sebson makes me roll around in bed kicking my feet and screaming #WHO IS DOING IT LIKE THEM!!! WHO ELSE WOULD TREAT AND LOOK AT THE GUY WHO JUST BEAT HIM WITH SUCH AFFECTION!?!??!?!??! #i seriously am gonna lose it when i watch the 2011 races i think i willl actually combust i cant handle it #('pictures that automatically make me think of Solar Flare') #(these are from before that fic takes place yet are the most romantic pics ive ever seen in my life) #(solar flare!mark was so right when he told jb that he and seb look in love in literally every pic of them together) #sebson #jenson button #sebastian vettel #sv5 #jb22 #we do a little bit of f1 #f1 #formula 1 #formula one #2011 monaco gp #2011 monaco grand prix

[dailykugisaki]

Day sixty-three | id in alt

A puppet and a witch.

#dailykugisaki #jjk #kugisaki nobara #mahito #jjk mahito #i Love havin to violently clarity who mahito is #ive never drawn this cursed bitch in ny life but making this thing do fucked up expressions is fun #update! ive been low-key concern looking at chapter 209-212 because...... #dawg i think the merging is already Happening #AM I DELUSIONAL? DAWG IT MAY BE ALREADY HAPPENINH #WHAT THE FUCK DID THOSE BEAMS OF LIGHT MEAN??? UHHH??? UH?? ERM idk tho #i might be staring at the wrong shit but yknow #another update! its just the plans furthering lmao #though... i do think the merging should be able to at least start or something... it would be interesting to see #i fucking giggling tho bc in chapter... 244? i think the old guy with the katana says they could use cursed evergy to protect themselves #they completely disregard the people of japan and its FUNNY #but yknow who ACTUALLY has non sorcerer friends and cares for them insanely so? Kugisaki and fucking todo idk why not #i just wanna see what happens i wanna see how fucked up this is gonna be #also can maki fucking uh heavenly restriction herself out of the merger or is she fucked #im asking the REAL questions on my fucking daily Kugisaki account because this is the only way i can pick apart jjk with any kind of group

[kicktwine]

oh so alisaie’s exaggerated bully behavior is 80% fanon. saying this she casually picks up a large rock

#say one thing wrong to me and you will have a wonderful few days with the rock #if angry silly girls have 100 fans etc if they have 0 fans i have died #sorry i saw a YouTube meme i vehemently disliked on principle and got mad at the only child behavior- #kipspeak #she is just short tempered and uses anger to mask other more ‘shameful’ emotions!!! alphy did the same thing with just deciding not #to express them. which is still not good and I think why he breaks and ends up teary so often now #this shortness does not translate to actually being mean to people. she only uses being mean as a shield for herself and being snarky #Is just fun for her. it’s fun for Me. you have to inconsequentually tease people or they’ll never learn to laugh at themselves #the twins and thancred 🫵 do this thing where they have big emotions but they don’t want anyone to SEE they have big weird emotions #so alphy pretends he doesn’t have them under a veneer of dignity and alisaie pretends the emotions are Something Else. thancred is #just so emotionally constipated he has trouble expressing anything. he’s got enough baggage for a flatbed #anyways. alisaie is such a compassionate and kind girl and she learned how to make snarky jokes and went ham. and she hates appearing sad o #weak or vulnerable so she blocks it off with an unapproachable emotion so no one pities her and they maybe get on with the plot #it is in fact also great at getting ppl to move away from the sad or embarrassing topic. even if the tradeoff is being more offputting #she would never (grabs youtube meme) she would never seriously bully her brother. this is sibling ribbing only. Cain instinct #just leave her be she is learning how to snark humor and she loves it she loves being sharp. alphy has wit he just keeps it close #my brother didn’t learn how to tell or receive a joke until he was 14 he took everything so seriously. he can do it now though and he’s #HILARIOUS. Don’t tell him I said that. my man knows exactly where the funny points are even if he hasn’t learned when to stop yet #too many tags. Whatever. jokey snark alisaie who sometimes compliments is happy alisaie grouchy snappy angry alisaie is way too stressed #very easy way to tell between the two. even alphy can tell between the two I believe! He tends to rib back in protest if they’re having fun #and try to stop her if they’re not having fun. case in point ‘what is that supposed to mean?!’ vs ‘alisaie ryne was only trying to help.’ #I know they’re twins but that’s such an intensely older sibling thing to do that it reels me #LONG TAGS AND THREE EDITS TO ADD ON SHORT I resent this stereotype taken too far into ooc behavior. it happened with nya #It will happen again and as a postscript let me regale you with Things U Can Notice About Character Motivation and Actions— #I’m not done let me s #she and raha are friends now I decree. ‘haha you like me’ SPUTTERING PROTEST FROM BOTH

[constantvariations]

Rwby's biggest sin (outside of its infinity gauntlet of bigotry) is by and large its incuriosity

The story presents so many amazing concepts only to explore exactly none of them. Systemic injustice and the many ways to combat it, societies that live alongside man-eating monsters drawn to negative emotions, whether or not someone's unique ability reflects them as a person, four kingdoms with a long and bloody history needing to come together to deal with an apocalyptic threat, so on and so forth

That's a major factor in why people keep coming back to rwby, why its most consistent criticism is "wasted potential", why this show garners so much attention for better or worse

The audience is curious and the writers are not ¯\_(:/)_/¯

#rwde #watching khadija mbowes video on feminine rage and it got me thinking abt anger as a 'negative' emotion #particularly in regards to the entirety of the white fang plot. yangs anger being glossed over in v4. qrows anger not getting closure in v6 #all these examples are a direct response to a wrong: systemic injustice. literally loses a part of yourself. betrayal a close friend #and rwbys overwhelming answer is 'get over it' #ive never liked the idea of 'negative' emotions anyway. its usually used to demonize and silence people w legitimate concerns #hence the examples above #emotions arent inherently good or evil but your expression of them can be #i think itd be way more cool of grimm if they could be a genuine reflection of any emotion #the more chill the people are the more chill the grimm are #maybe people think theyre only drawn to negative emotions bc grimm get more active the more riled people get #idk man. rwby would be good if it was good yknow?

[eyrieofsynapses]

good evening, all. it is May the 25th. our lilacs are blooming, just as the ones at the Watch House did. and I am thinking about remembrance of the fallen, and GNU, and the love in commemoration.

y'know, I read Night Watch… oh, maybe a year ago and some months ago. and the lilac symbolism, the remembrance of the Watch, has always struck me with the depth of the emotion of it, the tangibility of it in the flowers. but I wasn't aware that today was the day until I saw commemorative posts, all that gorgeous artwork and more, on my dash.

I was also not aware, until now, that fans commemorated the day not only because of the book reference, but in support of Terry Pratchett and of those with Alzheimer's. which knocked me over a bit because of course, of course the group that would use GNU to honor him would do that. and… I've been thinking about GNU a lot, lately, and this caught me again.

I read Going Postal a bit ago, and reread it recently. both times, the parts about GNU made me tear up. this idea of the names, the memories, the lives of the clacks workers who dedicated themselves to ensuring that people heard each other's voices—all those names spoken again and again and again by that which they poured their souls into, winging along in the air as they could not, an eternal reminder that they were loved—how could that not touch a person's heart?

when I found out that fans online used it to memorialize him, I damn well cried. hell, I still tear up just thinking about it. do you know, there's a code for an HTTP header "X-Clacks-Overhead: GNU Terry Pratchett" written by Reddit users to put in webpages, where it goes unseen by the average user? and in 2015, when Netcraft took a survey, there were eighty-four thousand websites using it? it's eight years later—how many thousands upon thousands of websites have this now, do you think? how many little cables of light has his name flown along, now? how many times?

that alone is absurdly and unimaginably lovely in its own right, but… there's something else to it. there's something about remembering with the lilac sprigs every year, just as Vimes and those who were there remembered their dead. something about how, when we take up our lilac sprigs, we carry a little piece of the characters in our hearts, too. I kept trying to put my finger on why that makes me tear up the way it does. the conclusion I came to is this:

what greater way to honor a writer is there, but to honor them the way they did the characters they poured their heart and soul into? what better way to say we know you and you are not forgotten and your work and words and gifts to the world are held in our hearts forever than to remember them by their own words, their own vision? how else could we say you embodied all the good you believed in and wished to see in the world, but to memorialize them after the little pieces of their soul they wrapped in ink and put upon the page?

it is a knowing of the writer, to remember them in their way. it is not a worn-out faceless platitude, but a reminder that their work has been read and will continue to be, that the characters and world they loved enough to bring to life last just as their name does. such remembrance is warm and loving and delights in their memory even as it grieves.

and now Pratchett's name has been written in his tradition, over and over and over, across the vast plane of the Internet, where it will—with any luck—continue to fly for generations to come.

there is no way to truly express the beauty of that… but perhaps we can catch a glimpse of it in the lilacs, both ours and the Watch's.

#the glorious 25th of may #night watch #gnu terry pratchett #discworld #I cannot express how much I love that our lilacs bloom at the same time as they do in the books #also I dearly wanted to include this little fact in my accidental monologue but it didn't fit. so in the tags it goes: #GNU Terry Pratchett is ALSO a Minecraft splash text #which is just. aaaaaaaaaaah of course a game with something like the End Poem would do that but aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah #I have many feelings on this and a decent summary of a lot of them is about the beauty of how humanity remembers and loves our dead #and also just... the love. the love that can be held for someone you never met #but whose writing and words can pierce your heart in the best of ways #and the love for characters--for the best of them are these little shards of the writer's soul that they decided to share #because that's really the nature of writing. baring your soul and your self to others in those persons you breathe to life on the page #and then sharing it with others just in hopes that it might ring true and inspire them #give them insight #help them in ways no one else could because only YOU could write that character and share that part of yourself #and by gods if Pratchett isn't among the best at that then I don't know who is #anyway. I have feelings and I accidentally turned them into a monologue whoo #have a good evening all

[quohotos]

Another thing I really appreciate about the Underland Chronicles is how it's both grounded but still having a bit of fun. There's SOME thought given to practicality, logistics, and realistic inspiration, but that's held in the same hand as a healthy dose of rule of cool. The people ride on bats and they have acrobatics themed fighting styles that utilize triple bladed swords. Is that practical? Does it even make physical sense? I don't care.

It's grounded in the sense that no one casts a spell, and the nature of free will is left up in the air, but there are prophecies and there are dinosaurs. It feels real but it never feels embarrassed to be fantasy (like SOME OTHER SERIES I WON'T NAME). Sometimes you get scientific justifications for things, and sometimes you don't because it's not important. How do apple trees grow underground? Moving on! No lamp-shading! L+ratio+use your imagination.

#I have a lot of respect for fantasy that's still fantastical but expresses it in novel ways #like the expanse. #those two series are really different but I feel like I enjoy them for similar reasons #they also have a lot of the same things to say about war #idk maybe James a. Corey and Suzanne Collins can team up to write something good omens style #nah that would never happen but I can dream #tuc #the underland chronicles #gregor the overlander #this is one of my less well thought out rants but what can I say I'm procrastinating?

[kaidanalenkosprmanager]

THE BEST OF THE NORMANDY SUMMIT

Featuring: Cmdr. Sophie Shepard, Primarch Adrien Victus, Dalatrass Linron, and Urdnot Wrex With: Comm. Specialist Samantha Traynor Commander, you need to keep Cerberus at bay- I can't overstate what a victory a treaty between the Turians and the Krogan would be for the Alliance. We need all the help we can get... Mass Effect 3: Legendary Edition (2021)

#mira makes gifs ✨ #sophie shepard #urdnot wrex #samantha traynor #mass effect #mass effect 3 #me3 #mass effect legendary edition #dailygaming #finally got around to gif'ing the sur'kesh footage and i ended up splitting it in half bc the summit just had too many good wrex moments #by best of: the normandy summit i really just mean best of: wrex bc this is literally just every wrex moment from the summit LMAO #i was gonna stuff this in with the priority sur'kesh set but literally when i had like 10 gifs of just the summit i was like #sur'kesh is getting the mars split bc wrex has too many good moments to just start cutting half of them out tbh #also victus in his fancy primarch robes with THAT VOICE??? i'm not down bad for most turians but DAMN victus #maybe we talk about how fucking real he was for hearing wrex say that the krogan were the ones who spilled their blood to stop the rachni #and immediately looked at the dalatrass and said that wrex was fucking right #and then said that the dalatrass was helping wrex or she'd never see another friendly turian again?? like he's a fucking ICON for that tbh #and soph in the dress blues????? HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT (mass effect women in uniforms and armor 😍) #her angy face coming back at the dalatrass to defend wrex is everything to me #and wrex's expressions during the summit are so fucking good #there's so much raw emotion on his face that you can see and you can tell how like angry and frustrated he is with the dalatrass and victus #and how much he's holding back!! especially when linron insults him!! when she basically calls his people useless!! #like there's just a thousand+ years of pent up krogan rage about the genophage just boiling behind wrex's eyes #and he somehow manages to keep somewhat cool during the summit? like obvi wrex isn't a thousand+ years old but he's his people's rep #he's such a fucking interesting character especially during this scene when you think about a thousand+ years of the genophage #bc you get to watch him balance keeping his cool in a political situation he's a leader in #vs. remembering he's a krogan in the presence of the leadership of the people who literally created a sterility plague for his people?? #and the raw emotions of that for him??? #wrex my love you deserve the world for dealing with the summit in the cool-headed way that you did bc it was 100% bullshit for you #canon soph would have thrown the dalatrass off the normandy so fucking fast for insulting wrex and his people and you cannot change my mind

[protoindoeuropean]

So, he has a new series out so I was reminded of my obsession with Ding Yuxi again and in watching some YT video about the new series I was again struck by how fascinating it is to me how different his looks can be. For example, when I watched the first series with him in the main role (The Romance of Tiger and Rose; which yes, I'll readily admit, I agreed to watch in a large part because I saw him on the poster and was like, well, I wouldn't mind seeing more of this 😏), there were two ~versions of him – in the historical and the modern setting:

And like yeah they all wear those wigs in historical dramas so that's not particularly remarkable, right. Little did I know that this was just a tiny tip of the iceberg

Because then when I went to look him up afterwards on YT etc. and the first pictures I saw were these:

about which I was at first like, is that even him? Like the face is just ... not the same in these? But ok, what do I know, anyway ... And then I watched an interview where he has yet another different look, and that seemed kind of in between, so that "bridged the gap" in a way. And then! – in that same interview – they juxtaposed him with another of his earlier looks:

and it's like, who tf is this person ?

It's just, idk, really amazing how much just different hairstyles, lighting, makeup, accessories will do. Obsessed

Other interview looks are nothing extreme

And obviously there's supposed to be more variety when looking at the different roles

But still, sometimes I'm just like, this is one person .....

And like, sure, these looks obviously aren't impossibly different, but comparing the different ends of the spectrum can be pretty wild

In any case, the one that brought all of this about was this latest one:

and idk at this point I shouldn't be surprised anymore. And yet ...

Anyway, I do actually love his acting too lmao

It really is ... delectable 😌

#his gay little mannerisms #(they're not actually gay but i choose to see them that way 😌) #sometimes he'll just move his hands a certain way or tilt his head or pull an expression or do smth with his eyes or ... #and i'll be there all hnnnnnnhg 🫦 #in the new series apparently he's a part-cat detective #looking forward to the physicality of that already 😌 #i really have never before been this fascinated by how different someone can look #like i would say it's just me but honestly i don't think it is #bc most people usually don't change their hair quite that much! for one thing #but ofc with a face like that you can do whatever and it'll look good #anyway sorry for this long post #there are so many more good pics! and i only included one heavily lesbian-coded one smh there are more #so yeah just ... allow me to not be normal abt him for a sec #and this is it i've gotten it out of my system for a while at least #j #dyx #ding yuxi #eta: i did start watching the series and the physicality *is* 😙👌 #i could just watch him forever #like 🕵️

[fourteenthz]

LOVE AND PEACE ON FUCKING PLANET EARTH

#kelly plays ykz #yakuza 0 spoilers #I'm stopping now its like 7am I prefer to believe they are going to have a dinner and plan a trip to Europe and never come back actually #IM SO OBSESSES WITH THEM IT'S MAKING ME SICK IN THE HEAD #i didn't start this game expecting anything other than brother^tm but you know what. IF #they every single one of majima's old boss can say tell this guy has feelings maybe i can too. yeah. YEAH. #OBSESSED SO BAD with chapter 16 first cutscene... he has absolutely NO hesitation in running up to her. #and the second she goes past him he immediately refuses to let her go. #ITS SO INSANE how he has been so lifeless the last chapter and accepting his fate as a pawn for the next one #to show that fucking face he makes while looking at her. ITS SO WEIRD IN A FANTASTIC WAY my man is having too many feelings he can't #she** can't even see it and it KILLS ME bc he is making the world's puppiest eyes at her IM SO AUAAGAHHAHH SLAMMING MY HEAD ON THE TABLE #I NEED THEM. TO BE. SO NORMAL RN. I NEED THEM TO HAVE SUCH NORMAL DINNER RN. #I'm stopping playing bc i'm not sure that's going to happen so enough tears for today but I JUST. REALLY NEED THEM. #TO HAVE DINNER. HOLDING HANDS. AND THAT'S IS. CAN SOMEONE HEAR ME. #she really is like my top3 favorite characters in this damn game I adore this woman to death. #feeling so majima by his sigh in realief as soon as she stopped walking away when she tripped. the way his damn face changes from pained to #'IDEA!' and imediatelly offers to take her out........................... i'm so unwell at this momento. #I thought if they met again I wouldn't be able to trust majima bc he was so set in being a damn pawn in the previous chapter but man..... #the amount of thoughts behind his eye everytime he looked at her. if they end up playing that as him bring in pain #bc he has to win her over im going to kll a guy. there's no way NO WAY U HEARD ME #thry are literally my everything. there is NO way she is going to survive this game and I'm trying sk damn hard to get #used to that idea but it just sucks i love her so much. and thw worst part i have no idea what's up with majima on the other games #is her dying being his villain storie??? his hero redemption? HELL IF I KNOW. IS SHE EVEN DYING FR?? #i truly think they could get away wih shipping her to another country. and it would make sense for majima to insist her to go. #but oh I doubt so hard they are giving me anything but pain with my favorite relationships in this game. i really do. #until then..... lying down in bed.... thoughts abt majima soft expression at her.... abt the weight her voice #carries rn.... abt the way he said 'hey' and she said 'you think I'm emotional because I'm hungry again'..... they. are. so. #the way they dont even give a choice to walk faster when she is accompanying majima. #I have such low standards at this point. if they don't at least hold hands again i will cry. #he doesn't need to guide her around anymore so... u see my vision? him asking for her hand bc he wants to... hello?

[torosdottir]

wish someone would hurry up and come up with a quick and easy definition of the word "love" and solve so many of my problems

#i feel like i love so many people but i struggle BAD to express it bc. i dont know what that means to them #it feels often like people take it to mean some deeper thing that i never mean at the same time they do #maybe i am simple in many definitions of the word. ive had entire fallings-out with people about it. #people say love is hard love is work people will say they can love someone but not even like them at times #i dont understand it. it leads me to believe i am lacking in this mystical 'love' they describe #but i feel full of love. #i AM simple i feel like i love people the way i love music and food and drink and. idk colours and warmth and. simple things!! #i think it means when something makes you happy!! when you enjoy it when u want it around! #but many people equate it with. things that i would describe differently. #whjatever i just want to tell a million people i love them but i want them to know what i mean. #i mean sure i care for u sure i dont want anything bad to happen to u but i feel that way about almost every human! #what i really mean is u bring me joy and i ENJOY being around u its not hard it doesnt make me feel bad or guilty its good!!! #anyway whatever anthony green just wants me to set myself alight on a fucking pyre. friends in my phone i love u..

[yaoianime]

Soon im rly gonna do it

#🕸️ #sui mention #< in the tags tho cuz it feels nicer to talk abt this in tags than in the post itself cuz to me posts are like talking normally but tags are #like whispering? talking you can tune out if you want but whispering is rather more voluntary to say it doesnt matter however #every single year passes and i wish i didnt live in each and every one of them i feel disconnected dissatisfied empty disappointed every day #it can be a small part of a day or a bigger but its still there clenching onto me like and never letting go im tired of it theres always a #wall between me and otyer ppl im unsure if i put it there or was it put there by other ppl but its there and even if anyone tries to reach #into it do i understand how even if close are we really far away it makes me understand just how much of an abnormality i am and how much i #cant ever be like them no matter how much i try and climb and crawl until i bleed its exhausting its maddening #almost everything i do is shaped by spite i wear one bracelet for years out of spite i dont smoke out of spite i dont shave my hands not #only because im normal abt body hair but also out of spite the more i know ppl the spiteful i get only way for me to truly like someone is #to keep them at a lenght outside that wall if they get in then theres only two choices for them to dislike me or even hate my entire being #or me to shove them back out without ever letting them get in #coworkers say im a nice kind person but im not its all just a facade to make my life easier and to suit myself im hateful but i dont believe #its entirely my fault after all they will to my face make fun of. laugh at. and hate everything of me they would see in other ppl that dont #hide it deep within like i do and then it rly hits me how different abnormal foul disgusting and unnatural i am #im hit with his every talk that goes on too long every word that keeps going every touch every expression every comment made on my behalf #its exhausting to live this way i fear im near my limit i havent reached it but who knows when i will #i sometimes dream of doing it and leaving behind a note wishing nothing but painful suffering to everyone i ever knew irl but i dont want to #do that to my best friends and my dog but who knows how long its left before the thread breaks #thats all like comment and subscribe if you personally would do me a favor by taking me out back and shooting me

[insane-weasel]

I think as writers we should hold funerals for our WIPs more often.

Dearly beloved, gather us here today where this fic of some middle-aged man getting rawdogged and this other fanfic about the importance of friendship are laid to rest, because the author got really distracted playing that new video game.

We celebrate what could have been, cut-and-recycle those really good lines or ideas, because I swear I'm going to use them, I swear! And drag this poor document not to the great recycling bin or trash, but to the "graveyard" folder because sometimes I like to commune with the dead.

#fanfic #Writing #I just had to throw out 5k words of a one shot over something I can't change/control but I never delete old WIPs #I do just put them in a folder and still backup that folder with my other files #Yes some of my earlier ideas were horrendous but also there's a part of me still there in each of them #Sometimes it's less about the writing and more about who I was I want to sometimes revisit #Who was the teen girl writing gore at 15 and what would she think of today's writing #Who was the insecure fearful loveless boy who over expressed his masculinity online and wrote tough lonely guy characters #I don't want to be them anymore but when I hate myself sometimes it's nice to read what I've written #You hear the problems you never thought youd overcome in the author notes or in the subject and those fears and pain #You also see the first time you wrote a subject #I wish I hadn't deleted lots of my writing from when I was very young #Some I did because it legitimately could cause or encourage harm if left online #But I think I always smile when I see the old “this year is 8th grade” because by golly #Still think it's hilarious I got really into writing in middle school because I was jealous of someone else's writing ability in 6th grade #I can remember the exact moment I looked at my 2 page story and was filled with jealousy because they wrote 12 pages and my story felt so.. #I remember going home and going 'i know I can write something good!' and people will like it! #And then like while looking for some place to upload writing I found fanfic

[clockworkcheetah]

#dghda #todd brotzman #dirk gently's holistic detective agency #dghda poll #my polls #kinda feel hes a combo of them but what would be his main one? #also i can never tell if love languages are how you express love or how you like receiving love #ive seen both

[bhaalsdeepbat]

Astarion and Karlach are perfect foils showing how trauma from having autonomy ripped from you, your body forcibly changed, and then used as a pawn serving a master can present wildly different, but still with that same under layer of RAGE.

#bat rambles #i'll touch back on this #but these are the two who express rage so purely #like neither of them hold it back and the narrative validates their rage towards their abusers #i am also just feeling a lot of karlach feels with having your body not only permanently altered #but in a way that guarantees death #like the horror of feeling that heat building for 10 years #just knowing #you either stay in this bloodbath and evenurally become one of the many slaughterd in a war waged by creatures who wull never even #see the battle field #or you can escape #enjoy a brief respite #she never thought she would see anything outside of Avernus again #but she kept trying to escape #and now that she has it she just wants to enjoy all aspects of life before hers ends #and like astarion is plucked out of his personal hell knowing if he plays his cards right #he'll have an eternity to catch up on what he lost in 200 years #karlach is having to make up her 10 years of hell in as short a time possible #bat muses #karlach #astarion #bg3