#and i am of the strong belief that he should've either told her or not gotten in a relationship with her

[punkscowardschampions]

James & Ava

James: [I'm thinking the vibe should be that maybe she hasn't heard from him all at for these 3-5 days like NOTHING which is obvs not like him even when he's busy] Ava: Hey, just checking in Ava: it's all good if you're busy but I'm just a little worried, probably stupid but Ava: give me a quick shout so I don't ramp it up and come 'round like a potential total idiot James: [when you can see he's reading it but not replying] Ava: James Ava: What's wrong? James: what's right? nothing Ava: Please tell me James: how? Ava: I don't know Ava: sometimes it's easier to just say it, stick to the facts Ava: I can take time to gather my thoughts and reply, if you can't James: I can't, Ava James: talk about this, think about it, handle it James: those are the facts Ava: Okay Ava: Can you tell me where you are? James: home, I've been there the entire time James: except when I went out to buy a bottle I can't drink & drugs I can't take, so they're staring at me Ava: You could Ava: but you haven't Ava: are the girls with you? James: yes, having them here is the only way I can be sure I won't Ava: You'd never hurt them James: but I said she uses them & that's exactly what I'm doing James: as a sobriety chip Ava: Caring enough about your loved ones and your responsibility towards them is a noble one to stay sober Ava: hold onto it James: it doesn't matter, I'll lose her anyway James: I can only hold on to Matty Ava: Why are you going to lose Jay? James: because she's not mine Ava: you've done a test Ava: oh god Ava: I am so, so sorry there are no words Ava: when did you find out? James: Chloé insisted James: I'm not her father but thanks to that lovely conversation we had, I do know who is Ava: She, what? Ava: She's pure evil James: she insisted because of you Ava: me? James: yes, her hatred of your family is more deeply rooted than I realised Ava: but Ava: if I had any idea Ava: I'm sorry, I should've listened to you but I thought she'd come after me, not Ava: this Ava: James James: in a way, she is, this affects you too Ava: but it's yours and the girl's lives Ava: it only affects me because I care about you James: you don't understand what I mean, it's yours & your family's too James: I can't say the words, Ava, other than what I've already said, I know who her father is Ava: I don't understand but I'm trying Ava: how could it affect my family Ava: that's Ava: no it's not possible James: Ava James: she told me how it happened James: told me to ask him Ava: but Ava: how could he James: I don't know, she said that they'd had an argument & he was really under the influence Ava: but Ava: forget the fact he's a bad boyfriend, forget the fact he's turned that into being a worse husband Ava: it's the fact he's going to be so selfish, put us all through hell because he loves Rio and that makes it okay, then he's not even going to fucking mean it and worst of all, he's going to fuck it all up, after all the pain of us accepting and dealing with his decision, with her- and why? because she made Nancy's life hell? Ava: he's as twisted as her, I'm gonna kill him James: I'm sorry James: if it redeems anything at all, I think Rio at least knows, I think it's possible that maybe everyone did but us Ava: you have nothing to be sorry for Ava: he's helped Ava: he's helped ruin your life Ava: Jesus James: you see now why I couldn't tell you James: talk to you at all Ava: Of course I see Ava: this is Ava: just terrible James: everything is ruined Ava: what are you going to do? Ava: what is she going to do? James: she's going to tell him if I don't Ava: He has to know Ava: how has it never crossed his mind Ava: he's clearly many things but stupid isn't one of them James: apparently she told him about the pregnancy and his response was to tell everyone about his relationship with your cousin James: so she quickly recanted & we know the rest Ava: so he used Rio as a scapegoat Ava: that's even worse Ava: well, karma has caught up with him Ava: but not enough, nowhere near James: this is all according to Chloé, she's rarely to be trusted Ava: She didn't lie about the DNA, did she James: evidently not, but that doesn't mean she has a clear insight into any of your brother's motivations or feelings Ava: I don't care Ava: any way you slice it, it's wrong Ava: oh God Ava: he can't take Jay from you Ava: she's yours James: she uses people, Ava, he won't have been any different James: he's a law student, he'll know better than me what he can or can't do Ava: Like he used her, because he was pissed off? Then used Rio, who he claims to love, to get out of the situation you then got forced into Ava: I don't want to talk about him Ava: you've raised her, you wanted her when she was presented to you as yours, you didn't wriggle out of it Ava: she named you, even if she lied James: maybe he won't want her anyway, he's got a family, a wife, whatever happened then it's obviously in the past for them Ava: Exactly Ava: even if that's Ava: disgusting Ava: leave Chloe to tell him, it'll go as well as the first time James: she's given me time to get a DNA done, with no prior knowledge of how long that would take, I can leave before she tells him Ava: You can Ava: she's a fucking idiot, even if he for some reason believed her this time, how is he doing a DNA, he's never met Jay, he has no way of contacting her but through you James: our bags have been packed for days, I just need to actually go Ava: Where will you go? James: I don't know Ava: I guess it's for the best you don't tell me Ava: I wouldn't want to say, even under duress James: right Ava: I'm so sorry, James James: me too James: I thought the hardest thing left to tell Jay would be about us Ava: Do you have to Ava: if you leave James: she'll have to know & if it doesn't come from me it could come from Chloé herself, years from now potentially James: there's only so long we can stay away, I don't have my own money Ava: That's true Ava: that would be Ava: but this will be so hard for you Ava: at least she's still going to want to stay with you, there's no chance she'll want to be anywhere else Ava: you'll find a way to make your own money Ava: wherever you end up James: as a single parent with so few skills I'm less sure of this imagined future but Ava: People do it Ava: you can James: maybe she'd be better off with him James: in the end Ava: No Ava: money makes life easier, it doesn't make it worthwhile, come on Ava: knowing your parent loves you, that's so much more important Ava: you love Jay, more than anyone else could James: but he's not a bad father, is he? he could love her Ava: You love her Ava: what about you? James: I love you too but it's not enough James: everything's still ruined Ava: not because of you Ava: because of this Ava: them James: I should've done this sooner James: I knew there was a chance James: she never said it about Matty, not once Ava: So did he, where's he been Ava: and she knew for sure and she still let all of this happen Ava: no one else is here taking responsibility, looking after those girls, it's you James: what the fuck am I going to do? Ava: The money you have, if it was enough for a deposit in London, it'll be more than enough anywhere else, enough to rent and live off whilst you get it sorted, getting them into schools, job hunting Ava: I still love you, James James: come with me Ava: I can't, my parents would file a missing persons Ava: even if I told them I was going, they wouldn't let me Ava: when you're settled, tell me where you are, I won't tell, if they start asking Ava: and I can come see you again James: I can't just leave you here not knowing how long I'll be gone Ava: I've already made things bad for you Ava: she wouldn't have done this if I weren't related to him James: but I'd still be married to her if I didn't have you to make me realise how bad that was Ava: I don't want you to go Ava: but that's only because I'll miss you so fucking much I can't think about it, and because I'm scared for you and what you'll do and what will happen Ava: but you can't lose her James: can you convince your brother to do the right thing? you talked to Teddy, that helped James: I don't know, I know it's not the same, but James: I can't lose you either, not now James: not when I need you more than ever James: I'm so scared & so alone with this & I don't want to do the wrong thing James: Jay will have so many questions if we just leave Ava: Oh, darling Ava: I don't know either, I don't think you can be sure about this it's so Ava: uncertain and messed up Ava: but if you can't lose me, you won't Ava: and I'll try my best with whatever else you need me to but I can't promise anything, really James: there's always been someone telling me what to do, every step James: & now there's nothing, we're all in free fall Ava: You can do this, I know now more than ever is a time impossible to have that self-belief but you can Ava: you don't have to be alone though, I'm here for you James: will you come over, please? Ava: of course James: I just can't go anywhere else right now Ava: That's beyond understandable Ava: I'll walk, that'll be quickest James: okay Ava: James James: yes? Ava: Before I leave, we'll have a plan, alright Ava: even if we don't stick to it fully or we make changes Ava: I won't go 'til you feel at least 1% better about it all James: if it makes you feel better I'm at 1% at the prospect of seeing you James: not only because I can't tell if Matty is actually getting sick or if I'm just stressed Ava: We'll aim for 2% then Ava: and I'm sure she's okay but I'll make sure too, yeah James: how could I ever walk away from you again? Ava: I wasn't convinced I'd survive it either but James: they aren't the only reason I stayed sober James: I don't want you to see me like that either Ava: I am so proud of you Ava: no one would want to be sober in your position right now, so the fact you could Ava: you're so strong, love James: it's so hard being around her right now, wondering if actually her temper isn't inherited from her mother like I thought & what else I've mis-attributed, but the idea of not being with her is Ava: There must not be a word to put to how confusing, conflicted, it all feels James: this whole situation is a huge blank page James: my family have all individually kept ringing me but I have nothing to say, no way to tell them that any of this is going on Ava: You've been in shock Ava: They can wait, you had no choice in hearing it but you can feel as if you have more of an idea before you tell them James: until they're at the door Ava: you've dealt with worse, you can't deny that now Ava: but we will try to get you some reprieve Ava: I bet you haven't been to sleep James: how long can you stay before your parents take issue with it? Ava: I'm sure I can get a friend to cover for me, I'll sort that Ava: I'll stay as long as you need me James: an eternity then, fine if you have loyal enough friends or I had vampire attributes Ava: I'll stay with you for an eternity like that Ava: even if I have to go back to sleep after a certain point, I'm not going anywhere James: I love you James: she can't ruin that, okay Ava: She can't Ava: ever Ava: she tried, amongst all the fucked shit she has pulled James: your sister clearly had the right idea Ava: yeah Ava: who'd have known James: maybe she'll have a spare bed for me in New York Ava: that will make visiting slightly more problematic but you know James: in that case, I won't write it down as step 1 of the plan James: understood Ava: unless step 2 is I apply to some NYC schools James: Goldsmiths would never forgive me Ava: I love you so much Ava: also I think I'm here but come let me in just in case James: [does]