#and i always think about in s10 when he sees bobby in heaven like. they really were family for yeArs. cas is like one of his own | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

louisdotmp3 · 2 years

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O carver era scholar, what are your thoughts on the ending of the mark of cain arc? (I just finished season 10, and know that you are the go-to person for mark of cain stuff)

my brand! love that

sooo i've gone back and reread my old spn s10 posts and stewed on it a little. i love s10 but there's a lot of messiness and a lot of that messiness comes in the last few episodes, i think. like when sam starts scheming and plotting meanwhile dean by all accounts is like, hangin in there. they could've done a better job at painting dean getting noticeably & worryingly worse in an it's-an-emergency way i think, as it is sam just Decides one episode he has to stop googling mark of cain and start scheming. in general i wish sam had been doing morally questionable stuff all season to really get into monstrosity via loss of identity vs monstrosity via scrabbling for control but that's a different post.

with the thematic stuff surrounding moc i see it as dean's worsening depression brought on from the shattering of his identity in s9 (represented by his death, following sam confronting him about ezekiel and struggling w the moc & monstrousness the first time around - losing the two pillars of his identity: brother and hunter. this is a reading v informed by the concept of ontological security).

anyway this is all setup for me saying that i absolutely think ending the season with dean killing death was the right call, thematically. he's at his lowest point thus far and the whole season the show has been saying you were always going to be a monster, you are fated to struggle this much. he asks cas to kill him. he fantasizes to benny (himself) in werther project about killing himself. death literally whispering in his ear to make this one last self-destructive move. do the thing that you could never come back from. kill your brother (your son) and that will break you forever. the boy on his knees in front of you is your whole identity. kill it and you will be free, death says. kill it and i will end your suffering, death says. and in the end, instead he kills death.

which i guess bring us around to the curse itself, which is literally destroy others or destroy yourself. the number one most fascinating thing any character says about the moc is rowena, when she says within moments of hearing about it: "the mark? it's just a curse. the first curse. but still, it can be removed." the idea that this suffering is nothing new, that it's just a curse, something solvable. she says that in the same episode they do hijinks in heaven with bobby, and i just think that says something about the mark and what it is that the mark means. they hadn't been able to make any headway on the mark at all for a season and a half until an episode with 2 parent figures getting involved.

from this post. it's very much calling to the fact that if sam and dean weren't so isolated from community & family (something that was highlighted in carver era w henry winchester, the now defunct mol and empty bunker, charlie leaving for oz, etc) they would actually be better off and things wouldn't feel like the end of the world all the time because they'd know people who had been through it before !

so i do like that in order to break the curse rowena has to kill the boy she seems to have considered a son - directly contrasting with dean who chooses not to do this when presented with the same choice. but i think any sort of thematic resonance that could be gained from that is sort of overtaken by both the mad dog spell and the crowley drama & ofc the darkness. i haven't rewatched the finale in a while but overall it has a weird tone (starting w the whore of babylon ??) and the ending half is a little clunky. but! there is so much to pull out i think which is par for the course w carver era in my opinion. as always i am watching the little shadow puppets on the cave wall and not the puppets themselves.

#suicide tw #spn meta #spn s10 #ask #restlesshush #thnak u for sending this i have a fuckn blast talking about s10 #one of these days i'm gonna rewatch s11 and test my theory of s11 as a season about the reconstruction of identity

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icefire149 · 2 years

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New AU alert. Sit with me here a moment:

So spn Cain took the mark and killed his brother so Lucifer couldn't damn him to Hell. And after killing Cain, Dean is plagued with the fear that he's destined to do always Cain predicted: kill Crowley, Cas, and Sam.

The rest of s10 after The Executioner's Song has this looming fear over it. Who will still be alive by the end of the season? What will Dean become?

And we see him subvert expectations and have a conversation with Crowley instead. He just barely stops himself from killing Cas.

Meanwhile Sam is so focused on saving Dean that he's not caring about the costs: he's literally holding Rowena captive, Charlie gets killed, Bobby ends up in Heaven's prison, Crowley is hurt and leaning into being the bad guy again, Cas' relationship with his siblings & Heaven is worsening.

So this AU change I have in mind is that either we lean in Samwena or lean that the final step to break the mark is that Sam needs to die. It's all about the patterns and full circles.

Cas and Crowley will both likely be against this and suggest finding another method, because cure or no cure this WILL screw Dean up.

We end the season with Sam getting Rowena to go through with this. Dean is freaking out and Cas is like, MEET ME AT THE PLAYGROUND. He's going to put Sam right even if it kills him.

Rowena is having conflicting emotions about killing Sam, but she's focusing on escaping with the book of the damned stuff.

Crowley gets back to Hell.

Cas gets imprisoned by his siblings in Heaven.

Crowley realizes Sam's soul is here. And he's far too delighted after that close call when Sam tried to kill him on Rowena's orders. He's thinking: I can make a servant/demon out of this.

And Dean is left alone in a massive, oh shit what am I supposed to do moment.

#spn #s10 & 11 AU #this is going into the to write pile because I think this would be fun

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babygirl06301 · 3 years

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When Did Dean Fall In Love With Cas?

tl;dr: S11

I’ve wanted to talk about this since the show ended and the Spanish dub that broke Tumblr came out. So, when did Dean Winchester fall in love with Castiel?

This is entirely my opinion of course, and I know there are some people that will say it was right away or that it never happened at all, but I wanted to put my thoughts out there so other people could tell me their thoughts, too. I’ll probably get off on some tangents here and there, so feel free to send me any Destiel thoughts you’ve got.

Also, it’s worth noting that, to me, there’s a difference between falling in love and actually being in love. I mean, if you’ve fallen in love with someone, every point in your relationship has been a stepping stone to that point, so I guess it’s all abstract, but still. Hence, S11 being my answer to this question.

Keep in mind I’m doing this without the benefit of a recent rewatch, so I may miss some behaviors from Dean that would change a few things.

Warning: sappy stuff ahead; read at your own risk (also crappy images).

S4-5

I don’t think it’s that big of a secret that Dean attached himself to Cas, like, right away. I mean, the dude never talks about his emotions, and yet, it took eight episodes of Cas being around for Dean to break down in front of him and talk about his fears. It’s almost like you could say that’s because they were always meant to fall for each other.

However, I don’t really the think the process of falling in love with Cas had started yet. I do think that Dean cared about Cas, but I don’t think it was anything extremely special. Reason being: it was the literal end times and Dean didn’t have that type of time. That, and I think there’s something to be said for being raised a certain way and believing certain things about yourself that affects how long it takes for you to notice that something has changed. So, yeah. I don’t think Cas had been around long enough at this point for Dean to start feeling anything more than kinship with him.

That’s not to say, though, that Dean didn’t subconsciously find Cas hot or get the warm fuzzies sometimes because:

I mean, come on.

S6-7

So, this era is weird because I do think something had begun to change in how Dean saw Cas, but I don’t think he got to fully begin the process of falling in love with him because: a.) Cas betrayed them and b.) Sam’s head was broken.

I’m gonna say something rude now: I think a lot of the Destiel moments in the beginning of S6 were born of Dean needing Castiel’s abilities as an angel and not of needing Cas. For example, Dean calling on Cas to help with the Staff of Moses or with Soulless!Sam. He was usually pretty demanding and sometimes curt with Cas and got irritable when Cas couldn’t help.

However, I think that Cas always being there despite his battle in Heaven began to shift Dean’s feelings toward him. I do think this change was almost imperceptible, but you can see Dean showing more and more concern for Cas as S6 progresses. Like this:

This is the primary reason I think Dean got so defensive of Cas when Bobby and Sam started suggesting that Cas was working with Crowley. It’s also why he got so hurt when he found out that Bobby and Sam were right.

Here’s my super abstract and vague take on it: he’d started feeling romantic emotions for Cas, but as soon as Cas’s betrayal was revealed, it got replaced with pain. Basically, Dean almost started to fall for Cas in S6, and then the Purgatory storyline interrupted it.

And then Cas died. Which didn’t help.

Here we enter S7, which has fuck all for Destiel content beyond the first two episodes—until Cas comes back. I know some people are going to say not to gloss over the trench coat thing, and fair enough. I think the keeping of the trench coat was akin to Dean trying to hold onto what he did feel for Cas, obviously not consciously. Almost as though Dean could tell he’d lost something special when Cas died, and not just in losing Cas, but in losing part of himself, a part that he didn’t know existed yet. I don’t consider the trench coat to be a sign that Dean was falling in love with Cas but a sign that he was about to or that he could’ve. Is that weak? Whatever.

Now, I do think that some shit got shaken loose when Dean saw Cas again because, for all intents and purposes, he should’ve been pissed. But instead he was... whatever this is:

I still, more or less, think that he was too preoccupied with Sam to really begin falling in love with Cas. I think that’s clear to see in how he treated Cas after he came back into the story for the final battle with the Leviathan. He did give the whole “I’d rather have you” speech, but all the stuff before that was more along the lines of “Nobody cares that you’re broken, Cas! Clean up your mess!” So, yeah.

Okay, so this is where the Purgatory stuff comes in. In the words of the great John Mulaney, “we don’t have time to unpack all of that,” but this is where I believe Dean started falling in love with Cas.

Dean told Sam that Purgatory felt pure because he could only focus on the fight at all times... but he still had the emotional availability to worry about and search for Cas, so...

If I had to pick an exact moment, I’d say somewhere around here:

And thus, rather than just keeping a trench coat when he lost Cas, Dean literally rewired his own memories because he would rather think that he left Cas behind than think that Castiel chose to leave him.

From here, we can start seeing Dean paying attention to Cas more, noticing when he’s not being himself, and more than that, worrying about him in a more personal way. For instance, when Dean insists that Cas talk to him about what’s bothering him in “Hunteri Heroici.” Not to mention, Dean becomes a lot more emotionally vulnerable regarding his feelings for Cas. One example would be when he insists that he didn’t abandon Cas in Purgatory. Another would be, of course:

I would also mark this season as the season Dean’s prayers to Cas become more emotional and, at times, cathartic, as though he’s confiding in Cas. In “Remember the Titans,” for example, Dean prays to Cas to ask him to look out for Sam; the scene reads like Dean is asking for help but is, in equal measure, asking for Cas. This is also the first season an adversary pokes at Dean and Cas’s relationship in a way that specifically targets Dean and his feelings about Cas rather than Cas’s feelings about Dean as it had been before; this would be when Naomi says “You’re hoping Castiel will return to you.”

S9-S10

Well, these seasons are complicated to say the least because of Gadreel and the Mark of Cain. I don’t think, at this point, Dean ever stops feeling what he’s feeling for Cas. However, I do think that a lot of the hiccups throughout S9 and S10 made Dean step away from those feelings.

Of course, Dean is still stressing about Cas 24/7 in the beginning of S9 what with Cas being human, Cas being hunted, Cas dying, Cas working at a Gas-n-Sip—you know, drama. I think when Gadreel said that Cas needed to stay away if Dean wanted Sam to be healed, Dean had to let what he was feeling for Cas go—not that that means he stopped feeling it, mind you. No, I don’t think Dean consciously went, “Well, guess I’m done falling for this dude,” but I think he knew somewhere in his heart that it wasn’t the time.

Now, the Mark of Cain. The storyline that put the characters down on the page once and left them stagnant and unchanging until it was resolved. Now, as you might imagine, slowly turning into a demon that wants nothing but death would put a damper on any relationship. Finding Destiel in the B season for S9 and throughout S10 is hard. Especially on Dean’s end.

There are moments when you can tell that Dean’s feelings for Cas are still there, and I would say, developing slowly, like the cheeseburger date. Probably the biggest Destiel moment in the entire Mark of Cain stretch is when Dean nearly kills Cas but resists, despite the Mark’s hold on him.

That’s really it, though. No backwards movement, but barely anything trending the opposite way, either.

S11

This is the Big Season™, the one I believe Dean fell in love with Cas in. Now, obviously, it isn’t like Dean lost the Mark, and boom, fell in love with Cas. Plus, there’s the whole pull-to-Amara thing. However, I don’t think falling in love necessarily has to be a big moment; I think it can just happen, and I think that’s what happened with Dean. At some point between the start of this season and Cas being released from Lucifer’s possession, Dean fell in love with Cas.

That being said—if I was really reaching for a moment—I wouldn’t say it happened during a happy scene. I’d say Dean fell in love with Cas when he lost him.

I know that sounds weird, that Dean didn’t fall in love with Cas completely until he realized Cas had been possessed by Lucifer, but in my head, it fits. I think it’s because Dean is so emotionally closed off and tries not to let his emotions show if he can help it that it took knowing that Cas was gone for that last switch to flip in his heart.

So, now Dean is in love with Cas, but Cas is Lucifer. I’d say this has something to do with the fact that, even though Dean is supposed to be attached to Amara, he still calls out for Cas even though Amara is right in front of him.

Considering the fact that Cas comes back in the literal last episode—at least, that’s when Dean realizes he’s back—there isn’t a whole hell of a lot of time to see how being in love with Cas has changed Dean. We do get the “you’re our brother, Cas” scene, but seeing as how that’s pretty inconsistent with everything that comes afterward, let’s just chalk that one up to bad writing and/or Dean being dense.

S12

Alright, so my post should be done, yeah? I’ve answered the question I’ve set out to answer. However, there’s still more to talk about here. When did Dean first sense that what he felt for Cas was different? When did he have an inclination that it was romantic? When did he know for sure?

That’s why we’re here in S12. Now, S12 is the most Destiel-heavy season in the entire series. In my opinion, while it does have many of the best Destiel scenes, it doesn’t have the best Destiel scene. However, as far as number of moments, S12 takes it.

This is where we really get to see how being in love with Cas has changed Dean. Realistically, I think this has a lot to do with S12 being the beginning of the Dabb era because this era marked a change in tone for both Castiel’s character and his relationship with Dean. Dean began to worry about Cas a lot more frequently and, as a result, got mad at him a lot more, too. I see S12 as the season that Dean moved away from simply being worried about losing Cas to being terrified of losing Cas. And that translated into anger any time Castiel put himself in danger. For example, killing Billie. Any other time, the threat of losing Cas translated itself into fear, like when Cas nearly died from being stabbed with the Lance of Michael.

Of course, the mixtape is also in this season, which is another example of how being in love with Cas has affected Dean. I could probably make an entirely seperate and very long post regarding Destiel in S12, but the general idea is that Dean’s newly found love for Cas made a big difference in how he treated Cas.

S13

Alright, S13 stands outs to me because I believe this is when Dean first realized that Cas meant something more to him than a friend and that he felt differently about him than he did about his family. Again, I don’t think that Dean actually thought those exact words, but I think his heart knew them to be true even if he mind didn’t. Reason being: Cas had just died. Which is the first time Castiel has died since Dean fell in love with him. Dean knew he needed Cas, in a way he hadn’t really realized it before. Which is why he demands that Chuck bring him back.

Then Cas comes back, and it’s like Dean forgets what hopelessness and misery are because Cas is his “big win.” After this, honestly, there isn’t much else by way of emotional development for Dean regarding Cas, but I see that as a good thing. It’s a sign that, though Dean hasn’t realized it yet, being in love with Cas is comfortable for him. There are still expressions of concern for Cas’s wellbeing throughout the season, but mostly, we just get to see Dean be content with Cas.

S14

Alright, S14 a.) mostly saw Dean’s feelings much in the same place as they were in S13 and b.) just kidding because Dean tells Cas that he’s dead to him in this season.

To be fair, if we’re talking Destiel, there’s more of it on Castiel’s end this season than there is on Dean’s because Dean is dealing with Michael. There are a couple moments that stand out to me as moments where Dean’s love for Cas comes through: when Cas asks Dean if his plan to trap himself in the Ma’lak Box means that they’re supposed to say goodbye and when Dean confides in Cas about how he’s handling keeping Michael trapped. In the former scene especially, I think it’s clear to see how much the idea of saying goodbye to Cas affects Dean.

And then we get to “Absence,” which is the episode where Dean tells Cas that he’ll be dead to him if Jack killed Mary. Now, going off on a tangent here to explain how this ties into Dean being in love with Cas, let’s talk about when Dean gets mad at Cas.

When Dean gets mad at Castiel, it’s always out of pain. I think that’s a very unique effect that Cas has on Dean that no one else does, and I believe it’s because Dean gets so overwhelmed with the emotion of betrayal that all he can do is push Cas away. Why a feeling of betrayal? Well, in this case, it’s because Cas knew something was wrong with Jack and didn’t say anything. I think that, as Dean fell more and more in love with Cas, his expectations and feelings for him grew, and because of that, when he feels like he’s been let down by Cas, it turns into rage.

When Dean walks away from Sam, it’s usually because he’s either worried or angry. With Jack, he walked away because of anger, maybe even disgust. But with Cas, it’s always pain; it’s always because Dean feels like he’s been personally betrayed in a way that has nothing to do with worrying about Cas and everything to do with wanting to hurt Cas back. It’s almost a selfish sort of anger, which is actually a positive for Dean’s character since he rarely puts himself first.

To me, the way Dean gets mad at Cas—especially in S14—is so personal and unique that it serves as proof as to why Dean is in love with Cas. So, even though the “then you’re dead to me” line is so damaging, it’s still a result of Dean loving Cas.

S15

Last season. The hardest season by far, for a lot of reasons. I’m not going to get into the lack of closure the ending of this show gave us in terms of Dean and Castiel, and I’m not going to talk about this final season in conjunction with the Spanish dub—just what I, as an English speaker experienced in canon since that’s what was intended in the final cut—but I will talk about everything else. There’s three episodes/points I’m going to hit with this season, and I’m sure we all know them: “The Rupture,” “The Trap,” and “Despair.”

I’ve already discussed why Dean’s anger points to his being in love with Cas, but I think the important thing to note with “The Rupture” is that Dean still didn’t want to lose Cas, even in the moments when he was hurting Cas and pushing him away.

There’s still a couple questions I’ve asked that I haven’t answered yet, and one of them will be answered with “The Trap.” I think this episode—and really, the moment Cas told him he heard his prayer—marks the first time that Dean considered that his feelings might be romantic. I don’t know how clear those thoughts were or if Dean told himself he was wrong afterward, but I do think that that scene was the beginning of possibility for Dean and Cas. Had they had enough time, they would’ve decided to be together, and that scene is where they both really felt it for the first time—even if they didn’t believe the other felt the same way.

I’ll be honest: I really don’t want to talk about “Despair” because it’ll just make me sad. Alas, there is one question that still needs to be answered: When did Dean know that he was in love with Cas?

When it was already too late. Much like in S11, I think it took Dean losing Cas to realize how he felt about him. The difference here is: I think Dean would’ve realized it regardless; hearing how Cas felt about him and then losing Cas just forced it. Had Cas not died, I don’t believe it would’ve been too long before Dean realized it naturally, and that’s the most frustrating thing about this scene is that Dean didn’t have to learn how he felt through the trauma of losing Cas.

I’m not trying to diminish this scene because, had there been closure—and proper editing—I’d say this scene was the perfect avenue for Castiel’s character to go down because it would mean that, when he came back, he could be with Dean.

Again, I’m not getting into the semantics of the final couple episodes or how they handled Destiel because it’ll just make me mad, but I think Dean realizing he was in love with Cas was just as big of a factor in him seeing himself differently as Cas’s speech was. I think Dean wanted to honor Cas by being the person Castiel saw him as; I think Dean wanted to live as a man worthy of being loved by the man he fell in love with.

Anyway, that’s my take on when Dean Winchester fell in love with Castiel based on what canon gave us. As someone who had been very realistic about the possibility of Destiel over the years and had never truly hoped for it in canon because I knew better, I have never been more convinced that Dean is in love with Castiel as I am now, after the show has ended.

I don’t think I can say I believe he was in love with him all along, but I believe that his story, their story, of falling in love is real and true, however long it may have taken. I’ll never say goodbye to these two, but I’m happy that I can at least walk away from this show knowing that they found each other in the end, even if their ending didn’t do justice to their legacy.

Let me know when you think Dean fell in love Cas or vise versa. I’m curious to know what you see in their relationship. I don’t think I’ll be making a post like this for Castiel because, in my opinion, Cas fell in love with Dean rather quickly—his journey was just realizing what that meant. Anyway, thank you for reading this, and thank you for being a part of this twelve year long love story that is Destiel.

#destiel #casdean #cas x dean #dean x cas #dean winchester #castiel #spn #supernatural

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airenyah · 3 years

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what are the gayest destiel episodes you can think of?

ohhhhh i gotchu hold on (this is basically gonna end up being a list of my fave destiel episodes lmaooo)

ok so just a heads-up, i don’t really remember much from s10 onwards (a lot of those episodes i haven’t actually watched since they aired whoops) and i’m currently stuck at the beginning of s9 on my complete rewatch soooo this list focuses only on the first half of the show. i might do an update if i ever manage to finish my rewatch (and remember to post an update at all when the time comes)

ok here we go:

4x16 - On the Head of a Pin

dean calls cas “cas” to his face for the very first time

dean is all “you can't ask me to do this, cas. not this.” (about torturing alastair) and uriel is all “who said anything about asking”, but cas is all: “this is too much to ask, i know. but we have to ask it” and that is the moment that dean realizes that cas cares about him and his feelings/well-being and that’s when he demands to speak to cas alone

and it’s only after cas tells dean he really doesn’t want dean being forced to do the torturing that Dean gives in (”i would give anything not to have you do this”)

like, it’s so obvious already how much cas cares about dean already and we’re only in s4

cas is even starting to go down the path of disobedience (with a little help from anna admittedly, but still. he’s starting to consider it)

they’re so?? comfortable?? with each other. when cas visits dean at the hospital in the end

4x22 - Lucifer Rising

dean literally makes an angel fall in this ep, i mean come on... (the way cas shows up behind him all “you asked to see me” after dean smashes the angel statue cracks me up every single time gsdlka)

dean desperately trying to get cas to help him (bc he knows that IF there’s an angel that would help him it’s cas)

cas is too afraid though and dean gets pissed and literally breaks up with him (D: "you spineless, soulless son of a bitch. what do you care about dying? you're already dead. we're done." C: "dean-" D: "we're done!")

this is the episode in which cas makes his decision and chooses dean over heaven

5x03 - Free to Be You and Me

in the previous episode sam and dean had a fight and split up. this episode starts out with dean being pissed and annoyed and just in a bad mood in general

when cas shows up and asks for help dean is very grumpy and doesn’t want to help at first but then reluctantly agrees

throughout the episode, the more time dean spends with cas the better his mood gets (honestly this point is worthy of its own separate post, i have enough screenshots lmao)

like he’s even smiling at the end of the ep when he’s talking to cas in the car!! (except then he looks over and realizes cas has left mid-conversation again and that smile is wiped right off his face and i’m sad :( )

when they’re in that brothel dean mostly has eyes for cas, even when chastity the hooker is standing right next to him

after the brothel incident when dean is cracking up and goes “it's been a long time since I've laughed that hard. it's been more than a long time. years.” like... buddy. your crush is showing.

and the way cas smiles lovingly at dean laughing next to him

dean be like: “personal space” also dean: *reaches into cas’s coat without hesitation* *fixes cas’s shirt and tie without hesitation*

also the funniest thing about the whole “personal space” moment in the motel is that there was more than enough space for dean to step aside and increase the distance between him and cas if he had really been all that uncomfortable but he just. doesn’t. no he just stays right where he is

when raphael is trapped in the holy oil and threatens cas all “castiel, I'm warning you. do not leave me here. i will find you.” and cas goes “maybe one day. but today, you're my little bitch.” and walks away and dean tells raphael “what he said” like the impressed and proud boyfriend that he is

inside jokes (see here)

some more iconic quotes/moments from this episode:

“cas, we’ve talked about this. personal space”

“so, what, i'm thelma and you're louise and we're just going to hold hands and sail off this cliff together?”

“well. last night on earth. what are your plans?” “i just thought i'd sit here quietly.”

“let me tell you something. there are two things i know for certain. one, bert and ernie are gay. two, you are not gonna die a virgin. not on my watch.”

5x14 - My Bloody Valentine

hunter husbands!!

the way that dean is not in the mood for hook-ups on valentine’s day and then goes to stare at cas like That

that iconic phone call at the hospital where cas just appears in front of dean who nearly runs into him

cas be looking at sam while listing all the things people can be starving for, and then looks at dean before saying “love”

ok i know this doesn’t have that many points but really this entire ep is great, i very much enjoy all the interactions between cas and dean in this ep

like when dean is not hungry and cas is all “you're not gonna finish that?” and grabs the plate without waiting for an answer bc they’re this married in s5 already

6x20 - The Man Who Would Be King

i mean... this one is obvious isn’t it

this ep is literally all about how cas is doing everything for the winchesters aka dean

the way sam and bobby cautiously voice their suspicions of cas to dean has the same energy as carefully breaking it to a family member that you think their partner is cheating on them

and when they trap cas in the holy oil and confront him dean also acts like a betrayed wife(gn)

which is such a stark contrast to how sam and bobby react to the betrayal (they’re mostly just like “eh this sucks” while dean is emotionally affected)

and even in the following episodes dean is way more affected by cas’s betrayal than sam and bobby are and dean is the one who argues the most with cas (honestly, this entire arc is literally that post that’s all “how do i know dean is in love with cas? bc sam isn’t”)

ok but the holy oil scene is truly like a soap opera (i mean... “where were you when i needed to hear it?” “i was there. where were you?” and dean looking back at cas one last time before running away)

this is their first big break-up and it takes them until the s7 finale to make up

special shoutout to cas watching dean rake leaves

this ep is a LOT

7x17 - The Born-Again Identity

dean’s FACE when he sEES CAS. and then DEAN’S FACE AGAIN when “emmanuel” is all “what’s your issue?”

dean’s face all throughout that first scene with “emmanuel” and daphne, I’M

“you know, I used to be able to just shake this stuff off. you know, whatever it was. It might take me some time, but... i always could. what cas did... i just can't – i don't know why” BECAUSE YOU’RE IN LOVE WITH HIM, IDIOT

the way dean interrupts all irritated when meg goes “i think we're gonna be good friends too” at “emmanuel” (jealous bf much gsdlksafd)

the way dean kept the trenchcoat just in case so he can give it back to cas should he return (which ofc he did)!!!!

7x21 - Reading is Fundamental

yet another one of those “how do I know dean is in love with cas? bc sam isn’t”

at the beginning of the ep at some point sam’s phone rings and when he says that meg (who is watching over cas at the mental hospital) is calling, dean is quick to stand up and even tho meg called sam, dean is the one who ends up having the phone call with her lmao

also dean has no chill during that phone call lmao (he’s irritated when he finds out meg didn’t call them right then and there as soon as cas woke up and he’s immediately concerned when meg says cas is different, while sam’s just standing there holding his phone out to dean, being all ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ lmao)

dean: *pissed af at cas* also dean: *almost breaks his own neck at the speed with which he whips his head around at the mention of cas’s name and is desperate to know his location when cas calls meg after dean blasted him away with some other angels at the hospital*

ok no but then meg tells cas their location and cas zaps into the car and it’s hilarious how quick dean is to interrupt whenever cas turns his attention to meg in that scene

8x07 - A Little Slice of Kevin

dean seeing cas everywhere

when you see your best dudebro outside the window in the middle of a storm but when you get up he’s gone and you feel like crap because you could’ve made it out of the war zone together and you just cannot fathom why he didn’t try harder and you just don’t understand why you’re feeling what you’re feeling (and judging by dean’s reaction to sam’s suggestion, clearly it’s not survivor’s guilt)

dean’s FACE when cas suddenly appears behind him in the bathroom

jacting joices: the infamous boner scene (yet another example of “how do I know dean is in love with cas? bc sam isn’t”)

jacting joices pt 2: sam and dean are talking case and then cas walks over to join the conversation and there is literally no reason for dean to check cas out (see here)

during the rescue mission when cas zaps into the room and has a stand-off with crowley and then when dean finally manages to break into the room, can i just say... the way dean immediately rushes to cas (who’s ended up on the floor) and grabs him by the shoulder before he bothers to look around the room

D: “that was a bonehead move back there. you could have gotten yourself killed. why didn't you wait for me?” C: “well, i didn't get killed. and it worked” D: “and if it didn't?” C: “it would have been my problem.” D: “well, that's not the way i see it.”

the purgatory flashbacks when dean keeps insisting that cas is coming along with them back to earth and won’t hear otherwise

“i did everything I could to get you out – everything! i did not leave you.” “so you think this was your fault?”

“look, I don't need to feel like hell for failing you, okay? for failing you like i've failed every other godforsaken thing that i care about! i don't need it!”

i know we hate buckleming but this episode, man. this episode

8x08 - Hunteri Heroici

i was gonna put this as a special shoutout but then it turned out that i had more to say about this ep than i initially thought

it’s the way dean and cas keep gravitating towards each other in the first half of the episode. no seriously, they somehow keep ending up beside each other and you start wondering “what’s personal space” (friendly reminder that this is the ep right after they’re finally back together again after purgatory)

the married energy and the bickering

the “talk to me” scene where cas finally opens up to dean (but then interrupting moose strikes)

at the retirement home dean to sam and cas: “no flirting you two” then CUT to: dean and cas sitting at a table with an elderly lady who is staring at cas with heart eyes and... lady: “you are so pretty, charles” dean: *must look at young nurse’s butt immediately to distract myself from gay thoughts*

i’m sorry but the way he smiles so widely at cas at one point when they’re talking to that lady, like, she’s just called cas a bounder and dean’s amused about that but his amusement is not in any way malicious and his face is just so full of love when he looks at Cas, it’s embarrassing really (see here)

9x06 - Heaven Can't Wait

ok so i haven’t watched this ep in like 5 years so my memories on this aren’t as fresh as with the previous eps but! it’s the way that cas and dean act exactly like exes (who are still in love with each other) in this ep

dean’s face as he’s staring at cas through the shop window

dean’s smile when he shows up inside the shop

the entire “i can’t let you do this cas” scene in the car

the infamous fanfiction gap

special shout out to:

5x18 - Point of No Return for all the bickering (“you know what? blow me, cas”) and especially “well, cas, not for nothing, but the last person who looked at me like that… i got laid.”

6x10 - Caged Heat for the pizza man and dean’s reaction to all the megstiel (like jealous bf much?)

6x19 - Mommy Dearest for the strong married energy dean and cas give off in this ep (honestly, all their bickering, it’s glorious) (friendly reminder that this is right before tmwwbk)

7x23 - Survival of the Fittest for the “i’d rather have you cursed or not” scene

8x02 - What's Up, Tiger Mommy? for the purgatory flashbaks with that one monster calling cas dean’s angel and the reunion scene by the river with highlights such as “nice peach fuzz” and “i prayed to you cas, every night” and “i have a price on my head, and i've been trying to stay one step ahead of them, to – to keep them away from you” and “cas, we're getting out of here. we're going home” and “cas, buddy, i need you” and “let me bottom-line it for you. i'm not leaving here without you. understand?”

8x17 - Goodybe Stranger for “i don't know, dean. if he's so sketchy, then why were you praying to him?” and the entire crypt scene (yes this is a big one and yes i’m still only putting it as a special shoutout and yes it’s bc of the megstiel content this ep ok bye <3)

#there is also the late s9 ep where cas chooses dean over an angel army #then i vaguely remember 11x03 being a good destiel ep #and the s12 ep with the ''i love you. i love all of you''??#i know people are still going crazy over the mix tape but i don't remember if the ep itself was very gay #oh and 13x06 - tombstone gets talked about a lot as well #when cas comes back to life at the end of the widower arc and dean goes from extremely depressed to happy af #15x09 was a pretty good one as well i think #and ofc 15x18 with the big ''i love you''#anyway this was fun #i should really continue with my spn rewatch #but the thing is that i'm actually journaling and making notes #and that requires brain #and i currently just don't have the energy to make all this effort just for a tv show #who knows if i'm ever gonna finish this project #oh well #asks #anon #destiel #spn #lmk if i've missed anything (from s4-s8 that is)

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canonicallysoulmates · 3 years

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Supernatural 15.17

I don’t have a lot to say about this because with the exception of one scene I didn’t really care for this episode so I’m just gonna go through this quickly so we can get to the point where I can talk about what I wanna talk about which is the amazing brother scene at the end.

Also, I’m half asleep so if this comes off as rushed that’s because it was.

I’m gonna do this with the format that the epi had. It was like divided into three segments, Amara, Dean, and Sam, so I’m gonna just grab that format and run with it….

Amara

After realizing that her brother was back on Earth and warning the boys about it, Amara is having a peaceful moment when Chuck appears. He tells her he wants to do a total reset but needs her help, she tells him she’s on no one’s side but someone needs to protect that world, he’s all ‘you don’t even care about it’ and she tells him to walk with her as they have a moment reminiscent of the one between Chuck and Metraton in Don’t Call Me Shurley with Amara acting as Chuck. Then she takes him to Heaven to meet his fan club, blah, blah, blah point is she wants true balance for them to co-exist side by side but he doesn’t so she traps him in the Bunker so the boys can do their thing.

Moving on...

Dean

While that’s going on, Dean and Jack are on their way to complete the final task so Jack can kill Chuck. They meet Adam, as in from Adam and Eve and I don’t mean the sex store, he’s the one to give Jack his final task which consists of him figuring out which rock has been touched by God and I will admit I did like the answer which was, all of them because God is in everything. Anyways, he passes his test, Adam has his girlfriend tear out one of his ribs and tells them when Jack absorbs it he’ll turn into a black hole for celestial beings like Chuck and Amara. They head back home but before they do, Dean has a little moment with Jack where he thanks him for what he’s about to do and tries to make up for being a total ass earlier in the episode because he told Sam Jack wasn’t family and Jack heard him.

Quick note: When Dean said Jack wasn’t family, he also said that he wasn’t like Sam or like feathers but we all know that if it came down to it he’d throw C overboard without second thought; those two are not on the same level in Dean’s life something this episode itself shows us later on.

I’m not sure if this is Jack’s last episode, I think it is, if it is I hate that he got to have a moment with Dean but not Sam….

Anyways,

Sam

While Amara was doing her thing and Dean and Jack were off on their quest, Sam was back at the bunker with feathers trying to find another way to stop Chuck without Jack having to die. They do some research, Sam remembers there’s a key to Death’s library in the Bunker, they go look for it, find it, he reads some latin the key does its thing, he walks into the library to find a bunch of dead bodies and….The Empty who still looks like Meg sitting on Billie’s chair. Nice to see Rachel again.

There Billie’s true plan is revealed she plans to take over as God when Chuck and Amara are destroyed and the show puts it as a horrible thing but honestly the things she wants to do sound a-okay to me like angel’s going back to heaven, AU! Bobby and Charlie going bye-bye, Eileen dying again but whatever to be honest I don’t care too much.

And Billie’s not the only one with a secret plan because Amara didn’t trap Chuck, he planned it! He’s known about the boys plan all along.

But who cares when we can talk about the shining moment of this episode, the best part of it, the moment when it became good!

So...Sam now knows Billie’s secret plan but Jack has already absorbed Adam’s rib and is ready to blow, Sam is insistent that they not go through with it but Dean refuses to listen and pulls his gun on Sam! Now, I’m gonna be honest, I’m not sure this season has explored Dean’s...let’s say, psychological status/emotional stability enough for him to be pulling a gun on Sam at this moment to feel natural like it doesn’t have the built up of anger like s4 or s10 did but whatever that’s a small pet peeve; anyways, Dean has Sam at gunpoint and punches him when Sam moves the gun away.

Sam tried to tackle Dean when he continues leading Jack to Chuck and Dean elbows him off cause he doesn’t care if Billie takes over as God and that means the end of au!Bobby and Charlie, and Eileen he just wants Chuck dead, in his words he’d trade them all in a heartbeat for Chuck...so Sam asks “what about me? Would you trade me?”.

My heart stopped, I literally gasped.

Dean replies that Chuck has to die because he can’t live with him making them tapdance forever and Sam...Sam tells him he knows he feels that way but that he’s gotta trust him. And then…*choked up* he tells Dean the one thing in the whole world he could always count on, the only thing he’s ever known that was true was Dean protecting him.

I am not doing that moment justice, y’all need to go look it up and watch it for yourselves and that’s not even a recommendation I am straight up telling you what to do. Gifs aren’t gonna do it justice, descriptions aren’t gonna do it justice you need to see it- Jared and Jensen’s acting in that scene 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

And then while Sam and Dean were having their moment, Chuck and Amara were also kinda having a moment where Chuck wanted to get her on his side sort of as a parallel to Sam and Dean, I liked that; truly, for me, the best scene in the whole entire episode was this one.

And the whole thing ends with Chuck absorbing Amara (season 11 probs looking at this episode and thinking ‘am i a joke to you?’) and saying he’s done with the boys and co, and Jack collapsing to the ground.

I’m gonna be honest other than the emotional moment between the brothers I don’t really care for this episode, it’s not bad per say, it does have a tone of finality which I appreciate and a massive highlight I just don’t care for the majority of it and found it mostly boring but I guess it’s okay, at least it doesn’t seem to have any unforgivable sins 🤷‍♀️

Honestly, i’s an eh episode, watch it if you want to, don’t watch it if you don’t, as long as you see the brother moment which is like in the last 10mins, in my opinion, you don’t lose anything by not watching the entire thing.

#spn critical #anti castiel #sorta #i am pretty much asleep right now ngl #spn 15.17 #opinion on supernatural #mine #spn spoilers

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jonathan-byers-remade · 3 years

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My Thoughts on the Supernatural Finale

My thoughts on 15x20 of Supernatural, aka the series finale. Warning for spoilers so my thoughts will be under cut.

I’ve been watching Supernatural since 2012, I was 13 years old. I just joined Tumblr to blog about my love for anime but I was introduced to shows like Doctor Who, Sherlock and of course, Supernatural. The concept of the show is what drew me in. I have a love for ghost stories, folklore and fantasy monsters. I looked up the show on Netflix and there it was. I fell in love at first episode. I continuously watched the show every week, I followed Jared, Jensen and Misha on everything, I watched con and fan videos on YouTube, had merch, I even read fanfiction. I loved the show so much that I wanted to go to a Supernatural con and loved that they always came to the Opryland Hotel in Nashville. I was such a diehard Sam girl that I proudly had it on my blog during it’s early days and even had Supernatural URLS. Safe to say, I loved the show. By the time I started college in 2018, I didn’t pay much attention to the show. I didn’t grow out of it. I didn’t hate it. I just didn’t catch up with it like I did with shows like Criminal Minds and Netflix shows that I loved deeply at the time. But I did pay attention to it. I still loved it. It holds a special place in my heart. So when it was announced that season 15 would be it’s final, I did feel sad. I couldn’t imagine saying goodbye to Supernatural yet. Yes, I criticized the show a lot after s10 (especially after s5), but a part of me didn’t want it to go. I had thoughts of how it would end with what I knew. Sam and Dean kicking God/Chuck’s ass with Cas and Jack. Then the four go home sharing beer together and smiling. But, oh boy, I was wrong.

I am conflicted with how it ended. The first half of the episode I enjoyed in a way. It reminded a lot of early Supernatural; Sam and Dean saving people, hunting things, the family business. I liked how near nostalgic it was. A big part of me was missing Cas and Jack. I was hoping they’d talk about Cas more. I was hoping Dean would talk about his feelings about Cas, whether they were romantic or not. I wanted to know his feelings. I wanted Jack to still be around Sam and Dean even after he became the new God. Like, they raised him. They were family. But, I understand that in it’s core, Supernatural was about the brothers.

Then the nail scene. I was waiting for them to say sike. I thought it was a joke until I saw Sam burn Dean’s body. I know a lot of people say that this scene was borderline incest, but I didn’t see it that way. Sam and Dean have always been close (NOT THAT CLOSE). It’d make sense to me to see Sam put his forehead to Dean’s while saying goodbye. Did y’all forget when Dean was killed by Metatron and Sam hugged him and cried in his arms? They deeply care for each other and have always been on each other’s side. I can imagine how painful it was for Sam. Now, I feel like Dean’s death was very unrealistic. Like. Come on. That man has LITTERALLY been through hell and back and he gets killed by the nail to the back? Bad characterization and writing was done dirty on Dean. I think killing him off was already a bad idea, but his death was terrible. He deserved a better ending. A happy one.

I like Dean reuniting with Bobby in heaven. Bobby was a big part of the show and to the brothers; bringing him back in the finale I thought was good. I like how they explained that Jack has rebuilt heaven. I liked that John and Mary had a tiny mention. I liked that we saw the roadhouse again after so many years. I wish they had Ellen and Jo though if they had pulled that off right. And I wish Castiel was there. I wish him and Dean had a moment together. I get that he didn’t come until season 4, but Cas is the heart of Supernatural. I wish he didn’t go the way that he did. I wish he didn’t go into the Empty. I know that’s where the angels go once dead, but I feel like Jack would have pulled some strings for his father figure. I mean, they did say Cas helped with this new heaven. If so, why not show it? Why not have Cas in heaven with them? Where is he? If they really wanted to showcase this scene, they should have made it more of a love letter to the show. Bring back many old faces that have died and reunite together.

Not gonna lie, the between Dean’s heaven drive in Baby with her og tags and Sam having a family made me sob. I liked that Sam in reality wasn’t alone and got to have a family in the end (his wife is Elieen I don’t care what y’all say). I think me being a Sam girl liked it, but damn I wish Dean was alive too. I wish they both lived in the end. I wanted them to be happy. They did old!Sam dirty though. Very bad costume design and makeup.

Then the final shot after Sam’s death and being reunited with Dean, again made me cry. They got to be together again as brothers. It was always them in the end. I just wish that they didn’t get the cheap way out. the final shot was beautiful, but it shouldn’t have been the final shot. Killing off the main three was a cheap and bad idea. Killing off your lgbt-coded character after confessing his love was bad. Killing off your other lgbt-coed character who doesn’t unknowledge the other’s confession, and who was a known badass who got killed by a nail to the back was bad. Killing off your last main just to show that Supernatural was about family in the end was bad. All in all, Sam, Dean and Castiel shouldn’t have been killed off.

To wrap up, the Supernatural series finale was not good. It had it’s moments, but the writing was what killed it. It was not good for the fans. It didn’t really wrap up much. We thought the final battle would be the boys against God/Chuck, when in reality it was Dean and a rusty nail and Jared in a bad wig.

I know that Supernatural was meant to end by season 5. Swan Song had a much better wrap up than this episode and we got 10 more seasons after that episode. I feel sorry for Jared, Jensen and Misha. I know how much they cared about this show and the fans. I bet they wanted their boys to have a better ending just like the rest of us.

I still don’t hate Supernatural. Hell, I have some comfort episodes and the show will and forever be special to me. But I’ll ignore season 15 as canon.

#supernatural #spn #sam winchester #dean winchester #castiel #jack kilne #spn spoilers #shut up angel

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mittensmorgul · 5 years

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8.01, We Need To Talk About Kevin.

and

8.02, What's Up, Tiger Mommy?

Dean's back from his vacation to Purgatory, again completely not processing Cas's decision to stay there. Much the same way Cas had refused to engage with his own guilt in the latter part of s7, Dean is now playing the same game with his own guilt and grief, battling feelings of worthlessness at not having been able to "save" Cas.

And like at the beginning of s7, he's once again lost Cas to Purgatory.

DEAN: Yeah, Cas didn't make it. SAM: What exactly does that mean? DEAN: Something happened to him down there. Things got pretty hairy towards the end, and he... just let go. SAM: So Cas is dead? You saw him die? DEAN: I saw enough. SAM: So, then what, you're not sure? DEAN: [turning back to SAM] I said I saw enough, Sam.

And here we have Dean refusing to face what happened...

Meanwhile we also learn how Sam has effectively been running away from his entire life again.

DEAN: I wasn't dead. [He stands up and walks around SAM.] In fact, I was knee-deep in God's armpit killing monsters, which, I thought, is what we actually do. SAM: Yes, Dean. And far as I knew, what we do is the thing that got every single member of my family killed. I had no one – no one. And for the first time in my life, I was completely alone. And, honestly, I-I didn't exactly have a roadmap. So, yeah, I-I fixed up the Impala, and I just... drove. DEAN: After you looked for me. [SAM says nothing.] Did you look for me, Sam? [SAM looks away.] Good. That's good. Now, we – we... always told each other not to look for each other. That's smart. Good for you. Of course, we always ignored that because of our deep, abiding love for each another, but not this time, right, Sammy? SAM: Look, I'm still the same guy, Dean. DEAN: Well, bully for you. I'm not.

And here we have the upcoming character conflict that will power us through all the rest of s8 (and s9, and s10... and through a good bit of s11) (welcome to Marshmallow Era).

(CROWLEY: Really, Dean, who writes your stuff? A marshmallow?)

DEAN: Nothing. Is that, uh, that how you rationalized taking a year off? People will be okay? SAM: People were okay, Dean. You're okay. DEAN: Wow. SAM: Look, I did what we promised we'd do. I moved on. I lived my life. DEAN: Yeah, no, I'm getting that. SAM: Look, it wasn't like I was... just oblivious. I mean, I read the paper every day. I saw the weird stories… [He sits down on the other bed facing DEAN] …the kind of stuff we used to chase. DEAN: And you said what? "Not my problem"? SAM: Yes. And you know what? The world went on. DEAN: People died, Sam. SAM: People will always die, Dean. Or maybe another hunter took care of it. I don't know, but the point is, for the first time, I realized that it wasn't only up to me to stop it.

Because this is what Sam has always tried to run away from. Only this time, Kevin was the fallout of it. I hate, hate, hate this. But heck, it does provide the drama for a good long time to come... fueling Sam's "penance" and self-sacrifice. Except it's coming from this deeply toxic place that Cas's came from in staying in Purgatory, and that Dean's will come from in taking on the Mark of Cain.

DEAN: Okay, if this kid is right, he's sitting on a bombshell. Hell, he is the bombshell. [SAM looks away.] What? SAM: That. I mean, there's no way that Kevin's getting out of this intact, is there? DEAN: Well, he's doing pretty well for himself so far. SAM: Yeah, he got out. DEAN: And now he's in it... whether he likes it or not. SAM: So...free will, that's only for you?

Aaaaahhahhhahhahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa >.>

Dear Sam: no. Dean's literally never had free will of his own. He literally gave it up the moment John put you in his arms and told him to run outside as fast as he could and not look back. Or... probably longer. Especially considering they're Chuck's favorite characters...

Does Dean like ANY of this? I mean, he's long ago accepted he's good at it. He's long ago accepted he's not really suited to any other sort of life. And he's long ago accepted that he's the kind of person who just can't sit by knowing that the bad stuff is still happening in the world, when there's a chance he might be able to stop it. He knows he can't just... know about it all, and just assume someone else will fix it, that it's not his problem anymore. Meanwhile, Sam believes (and has ALWAYS believed) that he absolutely could...

And all of this interpersonal crap continues into...

8.03, Heartache.

DEAN: All right, man, look, I get it. You took a year off to do yoga and play the lute, whatever, but I'm back. Okay, we're back, which means that we walk and kill monsters at the same time. We'll find Kevin. But in the meantime, do we ignore stuff like this? Or are innocent people supposed to die so that you can shop for produce?

DEAN: I don't know about you, but this last year has given me a new perspective. SAM: I hear you. Believe me. DEAN: I know where I'm at my best, and that is right here, driving down crazy street next to you. SAM: Makes sense. DEAN: Yes, it does. SAM: Or... maybe you don't need me. I mean, maybe you're at your best hacking and slicing your way through all the world's crap alone, not having to explain yourself to anybody. DEAN: Yeah, that makes sense, seeing as I have so many other brothers I can talk to about this stuff. SAM: Look, I'm not saying I'm bailing on you. I'm just saying make room for the possibility that we want different things. I mean, I want my time to count for something. DEAN: So, what we do doesn't count?

WELL THIS IS A MIXED BAG HERE IN CONTEXT, But in the larger context of the ongoing story, and where we know they go over the next 7 years, this... is tentatively a step in the right direction, despite it coming from a really fucked up toxic source here in the context of this episode.

Sam's spot on with the realization that they both might want different things, but right now Dean's just grateful enough to be alive and back in the real world to even think about what he might WANT, other than to return to the relatively normalcy he'd lost while in Purgatory. And for him, that's hunting on the road with Sam. The dude is NOT asking for a lot here, Sam.

Plus, Dean's already tried Sam's way, of living a normal life and pretending nothing bad exists in the world, and he HATED it, couldn't do it, and wouldn't chose that for himself again. He can't even begin to understand how Sam could pretend the vast majority of his life just didn't happen and go play house with someone as if he was a person (and not a hunter, to use Bobby's harsh metaphor from 7.09).

So therein lies their disconnect. And Sam isn't pushing this agenda just because he sees them havving their own lives, their own goals and interests, as a HEALTHY thing. No, Sam's still choosing that as a reaction, as "running away" from his life. They're nowhere CLOSE to figuring out how to balance their individual wants and needs and desires. They're still on the "all in or all out" mindset of extremes. Which drives so much of their interpersonal drama for the next few years...

DEAN: Wow. Back in business. Got the win. Admit it – feels good, huh? You know, I was thinking about what Randa said about, uh, you know, what it feels like to be a warrior. I get it, man, I do. SAM: I know. I know you do. I don't. Not anymore. Hell, maybe I never did. DEAN: Come on, Sam, don't ruin my buzz, would you? SAM: Dean, listen, when this is over – when we close up shop on Kevin and the tablet – I'm done. I mean that. DEAN: No, you don't. SAM: Dean, the year that I took off, I had something I've never had. A normal life. I mean, I got to see what that felt like. I want that. I had that.

This is Dean's idea of "normal." He understands this life. And Sam feels even more like it's something he's been dragged into against his will over and over again.

What he had was an illusion. I mean, it actually all did happen, but he sees it in this weird idealistic way in his memories, with too-bright lighting, the cinematic equivalent of rose colored glasses. Which we get to see from an outsider's perspective in...

8.04, Bitten.

The couple leaves and MICHAEL or BRIAN’s camera zooms in on SAM and DEAN.

SAM: All right. There is not a case here. DEAN: There is a case here. You're rusty. We just got to dig a little deeper. Come on. DEAN walks towards the IMPALA and after a moment SAM follows him. BRIAN: Dude, it's so crazy. MICHAEL: Is it just me or are you getting a workplace-romance vibe from those two?

>.>

I mean, Dean's right, Sam's rusty, but at least a little of it is the same thing he expressed in 8.03. He doesn't want to "waste time" on these minor cases when they still have the True Mission of finding Kevin, translating the demon tablet, and slamming the gates of Hell forever... which... yiiiikes.

Reminder to anyone who hasn't read everything I've ever written about s8 before, but I still see this as the one time the Winchesters ALMOST pulled something just as horrific as Cas letting all the souls out of Purgatory, but slammed on the brakes at the last second and saving things. Unfortunately Cas was manipulated (again!) by Metatron into doing the same thing to Heaven and dumping the angels onto the Earth. I mean... thank heck Dean didn't let Sam go through with THAT particular act of hubris, right? Because they really were in the wrong trying to mess with the natural order that badly in the first place. And honestly, EVERYTHING they did after that point was cleaning up the messes they ALL made here... including the Mark of Cain and the Darkness... they stumbled into those things from a place of guilt over all this other nonsense... and they're just now FINALLY getting back to the root cause of all of it in 14.20...

but back to this episode... or these four episodes I guess...

MICHAEL: The FBI is trying to kill me. KATE: Shut up! Everybody, shut up, okay? First things first, those guys – those guys aren't FBI, all right? I'm pretty sure that FBI agents don't say "awesome" that much. You know? And – and they definitely don't hunt and kill college kids. MICHAEL: Did – did they say anything else? BRIAN: Dude, they just sat and talked about how they have been apart for a year. You were probably right about that whole office-romance thing. MICHAEL: I'm screwed. I'm screwed. BRIAN: Kate, come on. What are we supposed to do? KATE: Okay, you know what? You guys, you're missing the big picture, okay? They – they don't know about you, Michael. They're looking for whoever, whatever bit you in the first place, the pureblood. That... that gives us some time... to figure it out, you know?

Even random strangers pick up on the creepy codependency vibes.

KATE: I didn't finish Brian's movie to justify what happened. To be totally honest, I'm not really even sure if I understand it at all. I just wanted you to know that – that Michael wasn't always a monster. None of us were. I'm leaving. And you'll never hear from me ever again. Look, I know that there's another way. I can eat animal hearts. [A tear rolls down her face.] I've never hurt anyone. Nobody human, anyway. I didn't choose this. Please... please give me a chance.

Which...

SAM: Look, Kate's right. She hasn't hurt anybody – well, anybody human at least. DEAN: Yeah, she didn't – she didn't choose this. Let's give her a shot. SAM: Seriously? DEAN: Yeah, yeah. SAM: And, look, if Kate pops back up, I mean, if she strays, then no questions asked. [He unplugs the hard drive and laptop on the desk and picks them up.] We do what we got to do and, um, we take her down.

Which is a very different result from such past episodes as 7.03 and 7.13. And hey, progress... At this point in the narrative, every little step into the grey area, away from the absolutes that still rule their lives, counts.

#spn 8.01 #spn 8.02 #spn 8.03 #spn 8.04 #s14 hellatus rewatch #it's spirals all the way down #spiders georg of the tnt loop #welcome back to the codependency arc... >.>#winchester family dynamics #sam sympathizes and dean empathizes #sam vs reality #that's what free will is #breaking the codependency #the scheherazade of supernatural

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dotthings · 6 years

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SPN 14.01 and how SPN’s character-driven ensemble mode owns me

Speaking as a pretty burned-out yet weirdly die-hard Supernatural fan, I have taken breaks from the canon, I’ve been heavily critical, I’ve quit and come back, it’s kinda cyclical, but I don’t hang around to obsess over how ruined everything is each and every week, I go and then catch up again. And here we are at 14.01 and I’m still watching the darn thing and I even came back to tumblr just to make this post because there are things happening that are worth the trip.

I understand getting frustrated but it floors me how so many could look at this character driven, layered episode, despite its flaws, where SPN went into full ensemble mode without losing sight of its main characters, gave everyone character development, showed Dean’s importance via his absence and even Dean pov by implication via Michael knowing inside his head, gave us Sam and Cas bonding, Cas and Jack bonding, Sam and Mary bonding, Bobby and Jack bonding, had Mary expressing her thoughtfulness about what Dean is going through right now, and genuinely being a supportive mother figure to Sam instead of just forcing her “mom voice” without backing it up, raised the volume on the Destiel subtext yet again, and just call it garbage, the entire show ruined, or claim that “Dabb hates Cas” “Dabb hates Dean” “nobody cared about Dean” or that Sam is the only character who gets any love.

14.01 on top of everything else was a big course correction and very needed note for Sam. It was what I wanted SPN to do for him, and it gave him a wonderful balance between his S8 and S10 meltdowns. I’ve waited ages for that. And twitter fandom is so out of control I got attacked and trolled just for squeeing over it, because, idk, because I love Dean, how dare I actually appreciate Sam Winchester. A Sam who is worried and determined and isn’t sleeping he’s so concerned about Dean and wants to save his brother, yet is mindful of others and doesn’t go over the edge. He connected with Mary, he connected with Cas, he connected with Jack, and not just in a “what desperate thing will we do now to save Dean” he actually connected with them. A Sam who is holding that whole crowded bunker full of hunters together and being station chief yes, even intimidating demons with his Winchester Voice. It was a journey to get here and IMO every bit earned.

Supernatural fandom’s having screaming meltdowns over continuity errors since forever. Some of those “errors” I think have some reasonable inference explanations, some don’t, honestly I’m not against pointing it out but SPN’s been “ruined” by continuity errors since forever, moving on.

While Castiel spent too much time chained to a chair, there are reasonable inferences as to why he seemed weakened and didn’t recognize it was a bar full of demons. Maybe it’s Heaven’s battery burning down. Regardless, it’s moot because Cas would go in anyway. Cas doesn’t give a crap about the odds. Cas wants to save Dean and “I will burn you to ash where you sit” may have been a bluff and he can’t burn anyone but he gave it his all. He’s always punched above his weight and he’s immensely brave (maybe too much, to the point of disregarding his own safety, but he’s a m-f Winchester). He was a badass in this ep. And he went in over his head for Dean. Something even Sam says he wishes he’d thought of first, and we have Sam and Cas’s shared moment of “anything for Dean” and it wasn’t grim or self-annihilating or codependency or their lack of self-worth or suicidal ideations, it’s just something they have in common how much they care about him.

There’s also Cas’s scene with Jack where Cas channels Dean to encourage Jack and let him know he’s not alone, and oh hey guess what turns out Cas was listening all those years to what Dean has said to him, over and over. Turns out he heard it. Turns out he internalized it and now is able to use it to help someone else. Cas had always heard it but maybe he didn’t fully process it, but we know now that he knows. He gets it and what it means. He heard everything Dean said and that’s now been fully acknowledged and this is major not just for Cas himself, individually, but for his relationship with Sam, Dean, Jack, and it’s a very big deal too for his relationship with Dean.

But please, tell me all that’s trash and “x doesn’t care” and that this showrunner hates his own characters and only an idiot could enjoy this narrative.

SPN may often be a frustrating source text for me at times but but I know decent thoughtful character driven writing when I see it and I’m going to acknowledge that and the fact that I’m getting this in season freakin’ 14? I don’t even know how the show manages it, it’s like it’s held together with paperclips and duct tape and as it ages its flaws show more but other things have gotten better, like increased presence of female characters, TPTB committment to Wayward, Cas’s increasing importance, the increasing emphasis on Team Free Will, the increased emotion-based Destiel hinting with fewer slash jokes and more “holy crap this could be a real thing,” and actual character development for Sam, Dean, Cas, and others.

And that’s what I had to say about 14.01.

#Supernatural #Sam Winchester #Castiel #Dean Winchester #Team Free Will #Team Free Will 2.0 #Destiel #Mary Winchester #I can't believe I am even making this post #curse this show #but I still enjoy it #and have some things to say #meta

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mycasandstarrs · 6 years

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SPN 8x23: “Sacrifice”

THE ROAD SO FAR: Kicking ass, taking names. Dean got out of Purgatory. Sam hit a dog. Kevin discovered the way to close the Gates of Hell forever. Abaddon is in the wind. Naomi mind-controlled Cas. The trials are “purifying” Sam. Metatron. Crowley is putting the Winchesters in a difficult place. What will they do now?

(Set to the show’s official/unofficial theme song.)

Aww Jody!

Roderick. Crowley used his human middle name as an alias.

Why must I always be reminded of what Jody went through?

Man, Jody was just trying to get back on the dating scene. She didn’t deserve to almost die.

“You have less than one minute before a very dear, attractive, and slightly tipsy friend of yours snuffs it.”

“Call it off, Crowley.”

“Because?”

“Because it's over, you son of a bitch. We want to deal.”

Did the Winchesters already have their plan?

“First, I need to hear two little words -- I surrender.”

The show never let us hear Dean say “I surrender”. Good.

Nice location.

“You hid the Demon Tablet underneath the devil? Seriously?”

Sam looking like a real supermodel.

“All right, listen, this is a secret lair. You understand me? No keggers.” Kevin’s our next guest in the Bunker.

Houston, Texas. (Aaayyyy, my hometown!)

“What was he like?”

“Who? Oh. God? Mm, pretty much like you'd expect. Larger-than-life, gruff, bit of a sexist. But fair -- eminently fair.”

Hmm. I’d say that’s a good description.

The second “angel trial”: retrieve Cupid’s bow.

:Cas didn’t want to kill again.

Sioux Falls, South Dakota.

At Bobby’s old scrapyard. (I bet it was Crowley’s idea to meet up here.)

There’s Bobby’s car. :( (Isn’t there any way they can take it with them and have it at the Bunker?)

“You know why I always defeat you? It's your humanity. It's a built-in handicap.“ Huh, didn’t Soulless Sam say something similar?

Who’s plan was this?

“Sooner or later, you're gonna have to face it -- you're ours. Which means that your demon ass is going to be a mortal ass pretty damn quick.”

“What's he mouthing on about?”

“You're the third trial, Crowley.”

Oohh!!!

“Would you say that you're looking for, uh, a partner in crime... ...or, uh, someone who's into nurse role-play and light domination?”

“Brother, it's 10:00 a.m. on a Tuesday.”

I love Cas.

(Okay, but tell me that doesn’t describe Destiel. Partners in crime, where one is into nurse role-play, Cas, and light domination, Dean.)

NOO, NOT THE BARTENDER.

“Stop. Please, Castiel, don't make this any worse. Please.”

“How you feeling?”

“Honestly, for the first time in a long time, it feels like we're gonna win. I'm good.”

Aww.

“You ever, uh -- you ever done the ‘forgive me, father’ before?”

“Well, once, when we were kids.”

What did Sam say back then?

“I have no clue what to say now.”

“Well, I mean, I could give you suggestions if you want.”

“O-okay. Yeah, sure.”

“All right. Well, I'm just spit-balling here, but if I were you, uh... Ruby, killing Lilith, letting Lucifer out, losing your soul, not looking for me when I went to Purgatory--”

Yeah Sam, you got a list.

“Well, that was you.”

“...Carry on.”

Pfftt.

We won’t get to see Dean’s confessional until S10, I think.

“Okay, um...if anybody's listening, here goes.” I would’ve liked to have seen Sam’s confession.

Cas has come to Dean for help.

Metatron, meet Naomi.

Who would’ve known that between these two evils, Naomi was the lesser one?

"Of the blessings set before you, make your choice and be content." I do like that.

“Metatron, the guy who was full-on crazy, cat-lady-hoarder angel yesterday -- now he wants to save Heaven?”

“Yes, he wants to. But I'm the only one in who can. I can't fail, Dean, not on this one. I need your help.”

NOOO. What did I say about being the “only one” being shady??

“Now, if anybody needs a chaperone while doing the heavy lifting, it's Sam.” Of course that’s when Sam had to walk in.

“Start the injections now. If I'm not back in eight hours, finish it, no questions, no hesitation.”

The third trial has officially begun.

“According to your own words this morning...this is not what I do. It's what I did. You told me I was out, Dean.”

“There is no out. Only duty.” Damn, Cas.

“...until the day you cease to exist, and then another Prophet takes your place.”

I love that Cas has to add that technicality.

Owww, Crowley! That hurt me.

He got a good amount of blood too.

Oh, we ‘bout to get it!!

“Your, uh, buddy over there thinks you saved his life.” AWW. Cas probably went over and healed him after the angels had left.

This could’ve been one of the last times Dean and Cas have a conversation...and it’s about whether Cas might die soon.

“So this is it? E.T. goes home.” You know damn well Cas doesn’t understand pop culture.

Gail, our Cupid.

“Damn, that's sweet.” “ Damn, that's sweet.”

There it was.

"Nice to Be with You” by Gallery.

Dean’s just in total awe.

I’m so proud my hometown is canonically the location of that scene.

Crowley would be singing that song. “Changes” by David Bowie.

“Hello, boys.”

Ouch. There went Sam.

“Give us your bow.” Slow your roll, Cas.

“Talk first, stab later.”

“Do you know what I find the most shocking about time-traveling through a closet and landing in the year 2013? Somebody thought it was a good idea to make you the King of Hell.”

“Right now, you and I are gonna talk about regime change.”

Burned Abaddon to a crisp. Good job, Sam.

Cas acquires cupid’s bow.

“...to sit at God's feet, to be asked to write down his word? The ache I felt when he was gone, telling myself, "Father's left, but look what he's left us -- paradise." But you and your Archangels couldn't leave well enough alone. You ran me from my home. Did you really think you could do all of that to me and there'd be no payback?”

Naomi ain’t buying it...but she seems to have figured out what he’s really up to.

Oh, is this the scene with Crowley?

It is!

“We just shared a foxhole, you and I. We beat back the Tet Offensive, outrun the --the Rape of Nanking together! And still you're gonna do me like this?! Aah! Aah! ‘Band of Brothers’? ‘The Pacific’? None of this means anything to you? All those motels, you never once watched HBO, not once? ‘Girls’? You're my Marnie, Moose. A-and Hannah -- she just --she needs to be loved. She deserves it.”

Wow. Fine acting form Mark Sheppard there.

“Would it be possible, Moose...I'd like...to ask you a-a favor, Sam. Earlier, when you were confessing back there...what did you say? I only ask because, given my history...it raises the question... Where do I start...to even look for forgiveness?” Mark Sheppard is truly doing a great job.

Human!Crowley was wonderful.

“Come on, Kev! We're on the one-yard line here.”

“Okay, a-and I should have mentioned this six months ago, but the sports metaphors -- y-you want to motivate me, "Magic" cards, "Skyrim," Aziz Ansari.”

“What? Yeah, I don't know what those words mean.”

Pfft.

“Metatron isn't trying to fix anything. He's trying to break it -- an act of revenge for driving him away.”

“Break it how?”

“Expel all Angels from Heaven, just as God cast out Lucifer.”

“Cast you out? To where? Hell?”

“Here. Thousands of us, walking the Earth.”

Naomi’s telling the truth.

Dean can stop a powerful warrior with one touch.

“If Sam completes those trials, he is going to die.” Oh dear.

“I will listen.”

“Dean, I'm not wrong. I'm going to fix my home.” I’m not sure which I consider more painful: that Cas was wrong, or that Cas still considered heaven his home.

Now knowing that Naomi’s still alive, it’s kinda obvious that a drill to the head wouldn’t have killed her and she was just catatonic here.

“She told you I lied, didn't she? You should've listened to the bitch.” Metatron, you asshole.

“What's going on? Where's Cas?!”

“Metatron lied. You finish this trial, you're dead, Sam.”

“So?”

That one little word shattered my heart.

“These were never trials, Castiel. This is a spell. And what I'm taking from you now -- your essence, your Grace -- is the last piece.”

The moment that changed Cas forever.

“Think about it. Think about what we know, huh? Pulling souls from Hell, curing demons, hell, ganking a Hellhound! We have enough knowledge on our side to turn the tide here.” 2 of these 3 things will come back. They’ll work a case that involves killing a hellhound in S12, and even sooner than that, they’ll cure demon!Dean.

“You want to know what I confessed in there? What my greatest sin was? It was how many times I let you down. I can't do that again. What happens when you've decided I can't be trusted again?”

(So Sam was jealous of Cas?)

“Hold on, hold on! You seriously think that? Because none of it -- none of it -- is true. Listen, man, I know we've had our disagreements, okay? Hell, I know I've said some junk that set you back on your heels. But, Sammy...come on. I killed Benny to save you. I'm willing to let this bastard and all the sons of bitches that killed mom walk because of you. Don't you dare think that there is anything, past or present, that I would put in front of you! It has never been like that, ever! I need you to see that. I'm begging you.”

Dean loves his little kid brother very much, and it is the backbone of this show.

“Hey, listen,we will figure it out, okay, just like we always do. Come on.”

“Castiel?! Where the hell are you?” Cas can’t come to the phone right now.

And where the hell was Kevin gonna go??

What a tragic and beautiful shot.

“Angels. They’re falling.”

#supernatural #spn summer rewatch #spn liveblog #spn 8x23 #sacrifice #season finales are always a doozy

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dustydreamsanddirtyscars · 7 years

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I think cas should stay dead. I really don't understand why fans keep wanting him back he has gotten boring and lame. Same thing with bobby he was overrated too. If the wrtires bring back cas that would be dumb. And i think season 13 will be better withoyt cas or crowley. Also I don't agree with you and jensen is the best actor on the show. Dean will always be awesome.

Well dear anon,

not everyone has the same favourite or cares about the same character most. So while some may say “I could live without Sam on the show” and some would say “I wish Dean would be taking a vacation from the show”, others may say “I want and need Cas around, because he is just as important to me as any of the Winchesters or possibly even more”. Therefore what one may find boring or frustrating, someone else may find interesting and intriguing. It’s all about where and who you are emotionally invested in and that simply differs from person to person.

That said, if you ask me, I personally think that the show has not been giving Castiel as satisfying and meaningful arc since S10, but had him floating around and had him reverting back, had him making the same mistakes and undid a lot of character development and growth. Again that’s just my personal feeling on the matter, and my feeling is that the writers the past seasons have not been working on a satisfying story for Castiel or simply are unable to come up with one in which Castiel isn’t tortured, mind controlled or in some fashion “not himself” - all of which was done to depower Cas, because otherwise he’s strong and too powerful to have him around. I had the hope that with Castiel’s last stint in Heaven, Castiel would have one finale try and then realization that Heaven indeed is no longer home even when he is welcomed back with open arms, but that his home is earth and that his family are the Winchesters. That obviously didn’t happen, but we got another round of Cas isn’t Cas when he was mind controlled by the nephilim. Castiel choosing to become human to me will ultimately always be Castiel’s endgame, but it seems until the very last season the show is not willing to go through with that - possibly again because they don’t know how to put Cas into the episodes or explain his absence in the narrative if he is human ( though there are plenty of ways to do that and fo it in a satisfying manner and with a meaningful personal story for him). So to me there lies a lot of issues in the writing of Castiel, which I think has not been the best especially in S12 - seriously, not just Bucklemming, but Dabb himself imo wrote some cringeworthy OOC Castiel stuff.

Keeping all that in mind, I think I can understand why you may see Castiel’s story or the character as “stale” or “boring”, because imo the writers had him tread the same waters for way too long and for a period of time in which Cas simply would logically be further ahead, which is why it’s frustrating, because it goes against natural development for the sole reason of: “because we need it to be this way and that’s why it is” and that’s always a bad explanation and reason for a storyline if you ask me.

As I have said before, I personally also think that Dabb hasn’t done himself any favors with killing Cas - which was for pure shock value - because imo no matter how they get him back (unless it actually will be other world!Cas who will be on the show as I have speculated about a few days back in an ask) it is very unlikely that it won’t feel cheap or too easy or simply enraging due to the fact that they might as well could have gone with Cas lost in the other world, which would have been tragic too, but in terms of writing imo much more “satisfying” than his overkill. But that’s just my personal opinion, I may be totally alone with this, but I feel they cheapen the impact of Castiel’s death with bringing him back time and again, because it becomes meaningless in a way.

I do hope sincerely that the show will not bring back Crowley - given Mark Sheppards adamancy to highlight that he has no plans to return I think this is very likely - because it would absolutely diminish the impact of his death, his sacrifice and his entire arc. It would cheapen the entire moment and I personally as an audience member would feel very cheated in terms of emotional involvement. Basically to me it’s like that: If you want and need a character around, just don’t kill them alright?! Especially not for just shock value bullshit.

And last but not least, I don’t know what you don’t agree with me on in relation to Jensen tbh? :) I don’t think I have ever said that Jensen isn’t a good actor or that Dean isn’t an awesome character like… I am truly baffled, because most of my blog consists of Jensen and Dean love… but maybe I said something weird in another post that gave you that impression. Anyway: I love Jensen and Dean!

#Ask #Anonymous #Possible unpopular opinion #SPN Meta #Supernatural Meta #Writer criticism #Castiel #Character development #Character regression

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mittensmorgul · 5 years

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Since I can’t yell any of this at lizbob since she’s still behind on canon, y’all are gonna be subject to my random stray thoughts as I sit here rewatching early s10. Reminder, since it’s necessary for context here, s10 is my least favorite season of this whole entire show. This was their biggest narrative fail ever, and my tag for it since s12 has been:

# mittens makes peace with s10 via dabb's spitewriting of s12: an ongoing saga

so I kinda feel like it’s not Dabb’s favorite, either...

So that said, watching 10.02 and 10.03 this morning on the tnt loop has been... interesting. Thematically and directly. Back then vs right now:

-What is morality even? Explored through Demon!Dean vs what Sam was willing to do to save his brother in s10, and now revisited through Jack.

-Cas vs his own humanity, Explored via his fading, stolen grace, and through his thoughts and feelings about Demon Dean as a mirror look into his own struggle with identity in s10, now explored through his defense of Jack. From 10.03:

SAM: What the hell are we doing to him, Cas? I mean, even after I gave him all that blood, he still said he didn’t want to be cured, that he didn’t want to be human. CASTIEL: Well… I see his point. You know, only humans can feel real joy, but … also such profound pain. This is easier.

-Cas vs Heaven, explored through his travels with Hannah and confrontations with other angels, and in the contemplation of Duty vs Free Will, his fading grace, and eventually his search for his original grace as a “cure” in s10. Now explored through Jack’s loss of his soul, his stolen grace, and as an inverse, pretty much everything Jack did in 14.19.

-Dean’s confrontation with his own “darkness,” his own loss of of soul and self in s10 as the MoC slowly ate away at him, which turned out to be an “outside force” in the end and dropping the ball on Dean’s reflections on the matter... Not explored through Jack’s loss of soul and self and subsequent loss of moral compass.

-Cas vs Metatron, explored via Hannah and her plea to return the remnants of Cas’s original grace to save his life, but Cas has “accepted his fate,” and he’s happier knowing Metatron is locked up than having it back. And Metatron mentioning that no cage will hold him forever... which ends up being true by the end of the season, on every level (including Amara). Cas stops Hannah from making a deal with Metatron, because deals always backfire. Now, Cas struggles with another deal of his own making, which has backfired horrifically, trading his own happiness for Jack’s soul. What will happen as a result of this Bad Deal?

-Sam, willing to do anything to save Dean, regardless of what he’s done as a demon. To wit, he overpowers him and locks him in the dungeon to force the blood cure on him. It’s not a perfect cure, because Dean still has the Mark, but it’s what he can do while they keep looking for a cure for that. Dean escapes before Sam can complete the cure, and it takes Cas helping to stop Dean from literally murdering him before they wrestle Dean back to the dungeon and force the remainder of the cure on him. Paralleled to now, tricking Jack into the Drama Coffin, from which he has now escaped... in 10.03:

CASTIEL: I’m a few hours away. Is the treatment working? SAM: No, not very well. Look, it—it’s not like it was with Crowley. Dean is in pain. I mean, he’s in bad pain. It’s like he’s barely holding on. Cas… I might be killing him. CASTIEL: It might be. SAM: So … what? Should I stop? CASTIEL: And do what? He’s not possessed. Exorcism is out of the question. The ritual of purified blood is the only treatment I know. SAM: Cas, did you not hear what I just said? I could be killing my brother. CASTIEL: Sam, he’s not your brother. At least, not now. You have to be prepared for— SAM: Killing my brother.

(just like Dean was prepared for the first time he shoved Sam into Bobby’s panic room for demon detox, just like they’re prepared to do to stop Jack now...)

-What is mercy? Explored through Dean’s demonic opinions on Sam’s assessment that Dean showed “mercy” by letting that dude live, to which Dean replies: “You call that mercy? Imagine you spend your whole life hunting down the guy that knifed your father. When you finally find him... He whips you like a dog. How do you think that feels? That kid's gonna spend his whole life knowing that he had his shot and that he couldn't beat me. That ain't mercy. That's the worst thing I could have done to him.”

And then in 10.03: Dean: You notice I tried to get as far away from you possible? Away from your whining, your complaining. I chose the King of Hell over you. Maybe I was just... tired of babysitting you. Or always having to yank your lame ass out of the fire, since... forever. Or maybe -- maybe it was the fact that my mother would still be alive if it wasn't for you. That your very existence sucked the life out of my life.

and then in 10.04, with the reminder that Kate eventually is forced to kill her own sister:

Sam: Dude, what are you doing there is no cure. Dean: There's one. (Dean shows Sam the silver knife in his pocket) Sam: Dean it's a little more complicated than that. Dean: Kate and Tasha are monsters, and last I checked we kill monsters. Sam: Right, but how can you possibly blame Kate for fighting for her sister, we do it all the time. Dean: Oh yeah, that's worked wonders for us. Sam: We're still here, aren't we? Dean: Yeah, but is it right?

Heck I know there’s more, but this is what I can remember off the top of my head from the last three hours of sitting on my hands so as to not spoiler lizbob :P

Next time, I’ll just take better notes while I watch, but this is just to serve as my handy reminder card going into 14.20.

#mittens makes peace with s10 via dabb's spitewriting of s12: an ongoing saga #spiders georg of the tnt loop #spn 10.02 #spn 10.03 #spn 14.19 #it's spirals all the way down #spn 10.04

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mittensmorgul · 7 years

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Thanks again for your analysis about SotF and Kevin. Same anon again. Denial!Cas is a sad point in his arc to me as well. And of course a sad point in their relationship. I always felt that's why they showed us that quiet moment where Cas sits on the stairs watching them burn Bobby's flask. Not just to make him get involved. He knew what was going on all along. Yes, these ups and downs over the years are complicated and emotional. Seems high time for a big payoff. ;) Looking at you, s13! ;)

Yeah, that moment was HUGE. He knew how much Bobby meant to Sam and Dean, and to HIM as well. After Sam and Dean, Bobby was the human Cas was closest to, and he recognized just how difficult it was for Sam and Dean to let Bobby go there.

I think Bobby’s last words also affected Cas, because it’s the very next scene where he agrees to “man up” and help:

DEAN: So, what's it feel like?BOBBY: What? Going vengeful? It's an itch you can't scratch out. Look... I'm done. Go get Dick. But don't do it 'cause you think it'll scratch the itch. Do it 'cause it's the job. And when it's your time... go.[SAM and DEAN look sadly at BOBBY. Cut to a shot of the burning coals. SAM and DEAN share a long look with BOBBY.]BOBBY: Here's to... running into you guys on the other side. Only... not too soon. All right?[DEAN tosses the flask (minus its leather cover) onto the coals. It slowly melts. We see the light from BOBBY burning up reflected on DEAN and SAM’s faces. The flask continues to melt and the light goes out. DEAN and SAM look sadly at each other. CASTIEL watches from the stairs.]

He watches all this sadness go down, he hides in the shadows instead of standing there with Sam and Dean, but he DOES watch. He might not be ready to face what he did to the entire planet, nor to the ranks of Heaven, but he can face this and bear witness to the sadness of two people he cares for who have lost something important because of his actions. And he can mourn what Bobby became before this, because Bobby refused to give up and stop helping Sam and Dean...

Bobby had refused to go with the reaper. But also, we know that Bobby’s ghost had been nudging Dean along in the back half of s7 when he was losing everything else. Dean lists off the things he believes Bobby’s ghost did for him in 7.18, after the sword was mysteriously shoved across the room into his hand right as the shojo was about to kill him... yet another action he credited to Bobby’s ghost:

DEAN: The blade was across the room [flashback to the blade sliding across the floor towards DEAN earlier in this episode] and then it was in my hand. And then my beer [flashback to Dean holding an empty beer bottle in 7.11 Adventures in Babysitting] drank itself. [Flashback to the piece of paper on the bed in 7.13 The Slice Girls.] Oh, and then that page magically appeared on the bed. [Flashback to SAM holding the piece of paper in 7.13 The Slice Girls.] And – and then Bobby’s book fell down and out popped [flashback to Bobby’s address book on the floor and the Mackey’s Taxidermy business card in 7.17 The Born-Again Identity] the number of the guy who found Cas. Nothing, I’m sure.

Dean even credited Bobby with helping him FIND CAS again...

That’s when Cas stepped up to help. Yet one more small step toward self-forgiveness. Then he gets a season where his agency is taken from him, a season where he’s again forced to play a role he doesn’t want (hello s9), a season where he’s fighting for his own life against the toxic stolen grace and his mission to save Dean at whatever cost (hello s10), the fight to stop the darkness while also feeling at a particularly helpless point regarding his own self-worth (hello s11), his determination to put the last of his “mistakes” to rights and capture Lucifer (early s12) and then his mission to stop the nephilim (late s12) all while facing his own personal responsibility for his past (12.10), his place in the present with the Winchesters as his family (12.12), and his future where he expresses his commitment to the Winchesters over his duty to heaven (12.19).

ALL OF THIS leads right back to these late s7 themes that resulted directly from those actions in s6 he’s been repenting and atoning for ever since.

Which will hopefully lead to something MAJOR (as if all of this hasn’t been major for him already) in s13, where we’ll continue building off all of this ^^.

This is why we’ve been saying that there was NO WAY Cas had been perma-killed in 12.23. This is why we’ve been insistent that he won’t be “replaced” with an AU Cas. This is why we keep saying that his story is not done, and the writers are not stupid enough to just erase all this character development for some sort of jump-the-shark plot twist. It’s been building toward this for years.

#spn s13 speculation #castiel winchester #spn 7.18 #spn 7.23 #Anonymous

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mittensmorgul · 7 years

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6.01: Dean’s year of El Sol comes to an end with a wake up call from a djinn...

You can’t outrun your past.

The whole idea that Dean could just leave his entire life behind, everything he’d ever know, to live that normal life with Lisa, was always destined to fail. (again, sorry, y’all gotta know I’m grinding my teeth to nubbins over the promise Sam forced on Dean...)

(Worst. Thing. Ever.)

(Asking Dean, as his dying wish, to go live the life that SAM had always wanted to live, without a damn care about what Dean might want, about who DEAN REALLY IS AT THE CORE OF HIS BEING. Because that was a huge damn assumption on Sam’s part, that Dean would want the same thing HE always wanted.)

(And we have absolute proof of that after s12. Sam really doesn’t understand Dean very well at all, but at least he’s learning now. Because who Dean is (as we learned once and for all in 12.11) is a hunter. With all his other memories wiped away, Dean’s instincts take over and he IS a hunter.)

There’s so much deception going on in this episode though. Like EVERYTHING Dean has to tell EVERYONE, from his buddy who lives across the street right down to Lisa herself, IS A FREAKING LIE. I mean, what an awful freaking way to live. Never being able to tell the truth to ANYONE, putting on this mask of normality every single day...

Like the opening montage to Beautiful Loser, it all looks like a drudgery that Dean does his best to smile his way through, with flashes to similar acts from his life before. NOTHING HAS CHANGED for Dean, but the setting. He’s going through these motions but instead of beheading a vampire he’s chopping a board, instead of prying a coffin open he’s prying siding off a house he’s remodeling, instead of grabbing beers with Sam he’s drinking at a neighborhood picnic... and he can’t let go of that past because he’s constantly having to redefine it with lies that are painfully close to the truth yet sanitized for this new apple pie life...

(have I mentioned that this was literally the worst thing that Sam has ever asked Dean to do...)

Dean: you been back practically this whole time?! What, did you lose the ability to send a friggin' text message?! Sam: You finally had what you wanted, Dean. Dean: I wanted my brother, alive! Sam: You wanted a family. You have for a long time, maybe the whole time. I know you. You only gave it up because of the way we lived. But you had something, and you were building something. Had I shown up, Dean, you would have just run off. I'm sorry. But it felt like after everything, you deserve some regular life.

(*gnashes teeth* FUCK NO YOU ARE WRONG SAM. He didn’t want THIS. This is what YOU wanted him to want. Not the same thing, Sam.

And yes I know he’s soulless here and just Does Not Get It, and has zero ability to empathize, and we see later that all his instincts about people are shot to hell without his soul to even sympathize with what Dean might want here, but to me this is the ultimate proof that Dean played “Performing Dean” way too well, and that Sam bought into it all way too well, also.)

(okay this is where I inch way too close to the line of Bitter Dean Girl, so imma back off before my head explodes)

Enter Samuel, who Dean is shocked to also see back from the dead, and the flashbacks to Mary’s original deal with Azazel and Samuel’s original death. And one of the big reasons why we started s12 with the notion that it was going to be a redux of s6. That’s panned out to a large extent, but if you’ve been reading along in my rewatch at all, it’s really an entire series redux. S6 didn’t occur in a vacuum, and was already attempting to Find Another Way, based on the first five seasons. And s6 was the real turning point in that particular journey.

I ADORE s6 for a lot of reasons, because in a lot of ways it’s the beginning of Dean having stepped in front of his destiny just a bit, and it’s the first major test of Dean’s gut instincts, where the story begins hinging on the choices he makes. Even when everything in the universe is conspiring against him, he catches on quick, and he TRUSTS HIMSELF above everything else.

Dean: Do you have any clue what walking away meant for me? Bobby: Yeah -- a woman and a kid and not getting your guts ripped out at age 30. That's what it meant. Dean: That woman and that kid -- I went to them because you asked me to. Bobby: Good. Dean: Good for who? I showed up on their doorstep half out of my head with grief. God knows why they even let me in. I drank too much. I had nightmares. I looked everywhere. I collected hundreds of books, trying to find anything to bust you out. Sam: You promised you'd leave it alone. Dean: Of course I didn't leave it alone! Sue me! A damn year? You couldn't put me out of my misery? Bobby: Look, I get it wasn't easy. But that's life! And it's as close to happiness as I've ever seen a hunter get. It ain't like I wanted to lie to you, son. But you were out, Dean. Dean: Do I look out to you?

Maybe the more important question was, “Do I look HAPPY to you?” Because yeesh. What right did Sam have to presume that Dean was HAPPY. That Sam told BOBBY that Dean was happy in his new life? Despite the facts that Dean just laid out about how horribly he was coping in that life?

Dean: I should've known. I should've known that if I stayed with you that something would come, because something always does. But I was stupid and reckless and...You can't outrun your past.

(yeah that was the tagline for s11...)

Dean: Oh, yeah. Go ahead, say it -- call me a soccer mom. Whatever. Samuel: "Soccer mom," huh? Well, I'll have to look that up on the "intranet." You know, believe it or not, I...I get it, Dean. You wanted a normal life. Your mom wanted a normal life, too. You remind me of her, actually. The attitude, for one thing. Your brother tell you what we been dealing with the past few months?

Dean getting judged left and right, yet proving that he’s just as good (or better) than all the Campbells combined. And this does recall Mary’s “call the internet” line from 12.02. But really, Samuel just doesn’t get Dean either.

Yes, Mary wanted a normal life, and she wanted normal lives for their children, but Dean is so far beyond normal anymore, he knows who he is and has made his peace with it. And what he is is in no way “normal.”

But the sheer fact that “You can’t outrun your past,” but with Samuel in s6 and Mary in s12, Dean (and Sam) are having to literally face down these pillars of their past, but it’s giving them a chance to rebuild those pillars so they can become a true foundation for the future instead of a cobbled-together structure they’d been believing in all these years.

The djinn poison shows Dean the exact same scenario playing out with Lisa and Ben that had played out with Mary and Sam when he was little-- Azazel killing Lisa on the ceiling, feeding Ben demon blood, all while Dean lies helpless on the bed.

S6 began this rewrite of the entire Grand Plan. but in this iteration, Dean’s already walking in armed with all of this knowledge about the machinations of Heaven and Hell, about Angels and Demons, about the role he was supposed to play-- DESTINED to play, and yet defied by a judicious application of free will.

He’s starting out the rewrite, the second attempt at the apocalypse, already ahead of the game... with one key missing factor: Castiel.

And it’s all down to the horrifying promise Sam had extracted from Dean in 5.22. That Cas hadn’t been willing to ask Dean to break. And all of that led to the ruination of the next two seasons, which in turn led to the ruination of Dean himself by the beginning of s10... Can you tell I really fucking hate that promise? All based on Sam’s lack of understanding of who Dean is as a person because he bought in to Dean’s performance and Dean had been unwilling to shatter the performance when Sam was asking this dying wish of him before making the ultimate sacrifice to save the world? Yeah... Hate it all. :P

Which brings us back around to s12... Where Sam is making these unilateral decisions to work with the MoL, to bring about this “world without monsters” so that Dean (and he himself, but Dean) can finally have this “white picket fence” life without having his past come back to haunt him again? All the while Dean is showing him in big and small ways behind the curtain of his performance mask. And Sam is beginning to see the real picture here.

Sam: Look, I practically shoved you at them. Dean: That's a funny way to put it, but all right. Sam: I'm just saying, I really wanted that for you. And when I told you to go, I-I thought... You could have it, you know? But now I'm not so sure. I mean, you got to consider the fact that you'll be putting them in danger if you go back.

Yep. SAM wanted that for Dean. That’s SAM’s dream. NOT DEAN’S. And even soulless, Sam recognizes the fact he screwed up here... And for a brief second, he recognizes just how important Dean’s instincts and influence are on him, because Dean EMBODIES the perfect hunter. Not Sam’s cold, methodical, whatever gets the job done practicality.

Sam: You just went. You didn't hesitate. Because you care, and that's who you are. Me? I wouldn't even think to try. Dean: Yes, you would. Sam: No, Dean. I'm telling you, it's just better with you around. That's all.

And then the real kicker, the one that makes Dean suspect there’s something really not quite right about Sam, he refuses the keys to the Impala when Dean offers them. After it was the Impala that saved the world, and Sam’s attachment to his lifetime of memories associated with it...

But Dean’s still too preoccupied with protecting Lisa and Ben from the nightmares he’s brought into their lives to really see it yet.

#spn 6.01 #s12 meta rewatch #el sol #supernatural beer signs #lies and damn lies #sam vs reality #s12 as s6 redux #but really this is s12 as EVERYDAMNTHING redux #seriously though why doesn't everyone just trust dean's gut instincts it's like he's got an uncanny magical gift here...

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mittensmorgul · 7 years

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5.16: *cue horrifying yet somehow disturbingly humorous montage of all of Sam and Dean’s deaths to this point* *shakes fist at 3.11 and 4.08*

Yep, this is another one of those episodes I have really already covered, and recently, in multiple posts on s12... *waves hello at Dabb again* *gee I wonder why this episode has had so much relevance in s12? we may never know >.>*

Heaven, the Samulet, Joshua, the incredibly squicky idea that John and Mary were “soul mates” based on the gross cupid touch making them into the “perfect couple” because they weren’t “perfect” until after Mary was dead, Dean and Sam’s VASTLY DIFFERENT notions of “happy memories” and the fact their heavens are sort of each other’s version of hell (i.e. Sam and Dean are not soul mates, they are absolutely repulsed by each other’s heavens), the fact that Heaven is a construct that we apply our own personalities and experiences to in order to perceive it:

*again under a cut, because wtf is wrong with me, I keep saying “I have already talked this into the ground” about every episode, but apparently I’m trying to talk it straight through to the other side of the planet. I suspect I’ll be bobbing up in the Indian Ocean any minute now*

This is why, once Dean “broke out of his heaven” and set out on the Axis Mundi to find Sam’s heaven, it didn’t look like a pristine white corridor the way Heaven seems to look to the angels (or just in s10 and later, or whatever).

Castiel: Some people see a tunnel or a river. What do you see? Dean: Nothing. My dash. I’m in my car. I’m on a road. Castiel: Alright. A road. For you it’s a road. Follow it, Dean. You’ll find Sam. Follow the road.

Because we were seeing Heaven from Dean’s perspective here, we also saw the road. But he had Cas to give him the secret hack on how to get out of his heaven to find Sam’s heaven.

Ash later underscores this, and strangely 10.17 proves him out. We saw “Bobby Singer” land (like Ash described “Winchester Land” as a section of heaven. We saw ALL the Bobby Singers grouped together in one long corridor. Not ONE BIG HEAVEN COMPARTMENT. All those Bobby’s were NOT soul mates.

Okay? Okay.

I think I’ve seriously talked plenty about this episode. Have my tag for it if you’re interested in the metaphysical nitty-gritty of it,

http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/spn%205.16

or my tag for Heaven stuff (and all the other realms) heaven hell purgatory and the empty

Dean actually didn’t wake up when someone sneaked right up to his bed and stole his gun out from under his pillow? Incredible. But hey, at least he woke up quick and figured out what was going on before Roy and Walt shot him and Sam...

Seriously one of my favorite Dean lines in the entire series, because Roy and Walt think it’s bravado, but Dean 100% ain’t kidding here:

Roy: Killin’ Sam was right but Dean... Walt: He made us and we just snuffed his brother, you idiot. You want to spend the rest of your life knowing Dean Winchester’s on your ass, ‘cause I don’t. Shoot 'im. Dean: Go ahead, Roy, do it. But I’m going to warn you, when I come back I’m going to be pissed. C’mon! Let’s get this show on the road.

Just like Charlie thought she was “dreaming” in 9.04 when she was dead in and heaven, Dean thinks he’s dreaming here now...

Until something “breaks through” his dream in a traumatic way, trying to get his attention and alerting him to the fact that no, he is definitely not dreaming. Cas “disrupts” Dean’s memory with a reminder of his own death and then tries to communicate with him on the radio.

Dean: I’m dead. Cas: Condolences.

and then when he realizes:

DEAN: Heaven? How did I get to heaven? CASTIEL: (on radio) Please, listen. This spell, this connection, it’s difficult to maintain. DEAN: Wait. If I’m in heaven, then where’s Sam?

NOT because he assumed Sam would be in his personal heaven with him, because HE WAS TERRIFIED THAT SAM DIDN’T GO TO HEAVEN AT ALL. I mean, just two episodes ago he was detoxing Sam off the demon blood again and watching Sam control demons enough to kill the Horseman Famine. I mean... >.>

(Dean was terrified that Sam was actually in Hell here, not wibbly over Sam not being WITH HIM)

Meanwhile Sam is experiencing Awkward Thanksgiving with Complete Strangers, and has no idea he’s dead or in heaven, because Cas wasn’t able to connect to Sam the way he did to Dean to pass that info along... hmmmm

Dean was then able to “Call” Cas through the tv, but as the transcript describes the connection:

“Dean and Sam move over to the TV. They can see Castiel but the picture rolls and is filled with static. His voice fades in and out and is sometimes distorted.”

He heard Dean “praying” to him, but his connection isn’t as solid as it was in Dean’s actual Heaven.

I’m not actually making any real s12 meta points here, just riffing on all the destiel-y bits because it’s late and the rewatch is actually cutting into my nightly writing time now... I should probably try to stay on point and just get to the point here...

Cas thinks he’s got a couple of “Inside Men” who can get information for him that can only be obtained in heaven... which heck sounds an awful lot like 10.17, called Inside Man... I wonder why... Oh, right, it was also written by Andrew Dabb. What a coincidence.

CASTIEL: (on TV) It’s called the Axis Mundi. It’s a path that runs through heaven. Different people see it as different things. For you, it’s two-lane asphalt. The road will lead you to the Garden. You’ll find Joshua there. And Joshua… can take us to God. (The pictures starts to break up badly.) The Garden. Quick. Hurry.

The Road, that Dean drove on to reach Sam’s heaven. It’s ENTIRELY METAPHORICAL, because Heaven is a construct. And Zachariah is officially messing with Sam and Dean.

SAM: Dean. What are you doing? DEAN: Looking for a road. SAM: You… (Dean opens the closet under the stairs) You think the road is in a closet? DEAN: (turns on the light) We’re in heaven, Sam, okay? I mean, our memories are coming true. Cas is on TV. Finding a road in a closet would be pretty much the most (he sees something on the floor) normal thing to happen to us today.

(Dean finds the road in the closet)

And we’ve talked this scene to death recently as well, now that Mary’s back.

Sam is FREAKING MISERABLE watching Dean and Mary interact as if he didn’t even exist, Mary cutting the crusts off his sandwich and giving him pie, but even one of Dean’s “greatest hits” memories includes the fact that Mary and John were fighting, because he got to care for Mary and tell her she was loved, that he loved her.

And that’s it, the only time in canon Dean has ever said “I love you” to anyone.

SAM: I just never realized how long you’ve been cleaning up Dad’s messes.

And speaking of messes that Dean had to clean up, Sam finds the next “road,” on a post card.

Sam is GIDDY to find his dog from when he ran away, and DEAN IS FREAKING MISERABLE.

*HEAVILY IMPLIED THAT DEAN IS STILL HIDING JUST HOW AWFUL THINGS WERE FOR HIM WHEN “DAD CAME HOME” AND FOUND SAM GONE HERE*

Dean walks out the door of the trailer, while they are STILL IN SAM’S HEAVEN, because they haven’t yet found another “road,” and walks straight into what Dean considers one of the worst nights of his life, and Sam considers one of the best...

SAM: Dean, I’m sorry. I just, uh… DEAN: I know. You didn’t, you didn’t think of it like that. SAM: Dean! DEAN: C’mon! Your heaven is somebody else’s Thanksgiving. Okay. It’s bailing on your family. What do you want me to say? SAM: Man, I never got the crusts cut off my PB & J. I just don’t look at family the way you do.

And then we see how Ash hacked heaven.

ASH: See, you gotta stop thinking of heaven as one place. It’s more like a butt-load of places all crammed together. Like Disneyland except without all the anti-Semitism.

...

ASH: Pretty much. A few people share—special cases. What not. DEAN: What do you mean ‘special’? ASH: Aw, you know. Like, uh, soul-mates. (Silence greets his statement. Dean and Sam don’t look at each other.) Anyway. Most people can’t leave their own private Idaho’s. DEAN: But you ain’t most people.

Yet Ash found Sam and Dean together... and he made some assumptions. He didn’t know that Cas had been giving Dean the “ain’t most people” cheat codes to Heaven.

But Zachariah’s already got Sam and Dean trapped:

MARY: Honey. Why are you up? DEAN: Look. I’m-I’m sorry. I love you but you’re not real and we don’t have time— MARY: Did you have another nightmare? Tell me. DEAN: I gotta go. MARY: Then how 'bout I tell you my nightmare, Dean? The night I burned. ... MARY: Don’t you walk away from me. (Dean stops) I never loved you. You were my burden. I was shackled to you. Look what it got me. (She blinks and her eyes turn yellow.)

And about this point Dean and Sam both realize that Heaven can be just as good at torture as Hell can...

MARY: And then, finally, I was dead. The one silver lining was that at least I was away from you. (She takes a big breath.) Everybody leaves you, Dean. You noticed? Mommy. Daddy. Even Sam.

But that is NOT THE REAL MARY. That’s not even her ghost or spirit or soul or whatever. Zachariah calls it a “Blessed Memory” of her, and honestly that’s pretty much what Dean has always thought of his memories of Mary.

They finally meet Joshua and arrive at the garden, where we learn that God talks to Joshua, but it’s really only a one sided conversation. It wasn’t until 11.20 when Metatron was allowed to talk BACK to God (and I mean that in the sense that he back-talked at God) and push him to accept his responsibility for EVERYTHING, and it STILL took three more episodes after that before he finally acted on it at the 11th hour and because of Dean’s direct influence on both him and Amara:

JOSHUA: He knows what the angels are doing. He knows that the Apocalypse has begun. He just doesn’t think it’s his problem. DEAN: (stunned) Not his problem? JOSHUA: God saved you already. He put you on that plane. He brought back Castiel. He granted you salvation in heaven (he turns to face Sam directly) and after everything you’ve done too. It’s more than he’s intervened in a long time. He’s finished. Magic amulet or not, you won’t be able to find him.

And back to the “magic amulet.”

Proof to Dean about his own “deadbeat dad” from way back in 3.09, and now proof to Cas about his “deadbeat dad” in 5.16. And that was just one deadbeat dad too many for Dean. When he first gave Cas the amulet in 5.02, he warned Cas not to lose it, and then asked for it back later... but now,

Dean’s first act on reviving from being dead is to call Cas. And he has to watch Cas’s moment where his faith in God breaks completely, and he returns the amulet and disappears...

Sam is still talking about finding another way to end all of this, but Dean’s losing his faith in himself, and throws the amulet in the trash...

Now in s12, Dean does have faith in himself again. He doesn’t doubt his instincts anymore. He’s not dealing with things so far above his pay grade that he can’t even get straight answers and is getting dragging around by the nose by middle management angels.

God has made Dean pancakes and told him he and Sam can take care of Humanity now... (with Cas’s help of course, because God keeps bringing Cas back for them).

The one thing Dean has to reclaim for himself is Mary. She’s absolutely not this warped Torture Hallucination Version that Zachariah presented him with, but she’s also not just that “Blessed Memory” version that Dean had presented himself... Nor are Sam and Dean the little boys that she thinks she remembers from her own version of Heaven. They’re just as fake as Dean’s childhood memory of Mary was in his heaven.

And to continue this already ridiculously long rant with more from the continuing series of Chats With Lizbob:

mittensmorgul maybe dean will tell mary what heaven's really like, since she's got this weird idea her whole family was there with her... he needs to set her straight, tell her that NONE of them actually share a heaven because he and sam have been there that it's just your memories and not real

elizabethrobertajones yeah, I can almost hear that - "It's not real Mary, WE are£

mittensmorgul: that PEOPLE are real, that the Dean and Sam on earth here with her are real. Heaven was just memories

(I love that there’s an accidental typo of a pound symbol there, like a random reminder I’m talking to a British Person, in case I was forgetting to read Lizbob’s parts in an English accent...)

mittensmorgul well, she's already brought up heaven twice, once saying she didn't remember it, the next saying she was there with John and her little boys, and now I think she needs to hear the truth

elizabethrobertajones DOROTHY Dream? Charlie, you died. Don't worry about it, though. You're not a real hunter until you've died and come back again. CHARLIE Slow down. Why would you think I died? DOROTHY Heaven -- it's your dream life.

Because as much as Mary knows, I’m not sure she really understands all of this yet. And I think she really needs to in order to be able to finally let go of the past, for better or worse.

Okay, now I have officially used up more than an hour of my writing time on this episode I’m gonna go see if I can’t write some fic instead. :P

#spn 5.16 #spn 12.15 #spn 12.18 #spn 12.19 #spn 12.01 #spn 12.02 #heaven hell purgatory and the empty #the scheherazade of supernatural #spn 11.20 #if you say 'mysterious ways' so help me i will kick your ass #face your past head-on and FIND ANOTHER WAY a BETTER WAY #spn 9.04

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