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#and i always feel like such a loser when i have to acknowledge that let alone actually telling OTHER people that
cottontears · 26 days
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cotton! cotton! ellie whos in a band w rs roommate and super slowburn cus ellies a loser!!!! please please pleaseeee 🫶🏼😫😫
brooklyn baby
ೃ⁀➷ ellie williams x fem reader
ೃ⁀➷ word count 2.6k+
ೃ⁀➷ summary/ tropes: loser ellie willams, shy ellie, slow burn, fluff, angst, lovesick ellie, mutual pining, idiots to lovers, idiots in lovee.
ೃ⁀➷ warnings: i did not have it in me to write smut today, so just fluff and a kiss!👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩----- i think i made it a bit longer than i had to, i think i will maybe remake it later with more smut idk, hope you like!
ೃ⁀➷ reblogs and comments always appreciated 🫶🏻
╰➤ linktree ╰➤ pinterest╰➤request rules
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┈୨♡୧┈
it wasn’t every day you went out with your roommate, you never really allowed yourself to.
you barely had the time, life taking up most of your time. you had to work as a cashier to make ends meet, barely. and not to forget modeling, it being both your passion and the reason for your nails being bitten down to the quick.
but, you had not gotten a callback for a job you had been looking forward to, and you needed to de-stress.
so you went with your roommate where her boyfriend’s band was playing.
your roommate was nice. her name was alice and she was always trying to get you to go everywhere with her, so you said yes once in a while, so as to not hurt her feelings.
you put on a skimpy outfit made with the clothes the modeling agencies paid you with. 
it was fun, you had to admit, to put on makeup just the way you liked- not for the judgmental casting directors. just for you.
you blew a kiss toward your reflection before getting up and making your way toward the living room in your small apartment.
alice screamed out your name as she came out of your room, “look at you, you look so so pretty!”
you laughed and walked into her open arms for a hug. she smelled like expensive perfume.
the buzzer announced her boyfriend, and you made your way out of the apartment hand in hand.
┈୨♡୧┈
you were with the band, so you did not even have to use your fake id.
alice had told you about how her boyfriend had been making good money with covers, but their ultimate goal was to record original songs.
they were the ‘real deal’ alice had said, they had met with an agent and were in the process of a record deal.
you tuned her out for most of the talk, but she looked proud and in the love of her boyfriend, you were happy for her. truly, you were, but something inside you ached with envy. you barely had time to date, let alone meet someone, and you did not like dating apps, so it was just you, your trashy kindle unlimited books, and a vibrator. the worst part was that they were rarely able to fulfill your needs. so you just ignored, ignored, and repressed your needs. focusing on schoolwork, and your jobs.
you had to make your parent’s proud, they worked hard to give you opportunities they could only wish they had.
you bottled up everything until you couldn’t. well… tonight was the night.
you sat by the bar, sipping fruity drinks and smiling at strangers as they tried their best to get into your pants.
you had enough, so you excused yourself, leaving the bar through the back door. 
your hands shook as your fingers fumbled into your purse for your pack of cigarettes. you leaned your back against the wall, facing the parking lot.
as soon as you inhaled the smoke, you could feel your heartbeat slow. 
you heard the door open, but you paid it no mind, focusing on the lightheadedness caused by the nicotine.
“hey, you’re alice’s friend right?”
you were not expecting to be acknowledged, so with furrowed brows you turned to the voice. 
your movements were slow, languid. the girl was pretty, you nodded as you took her in, not making a noise. she wore jeans and a hoodie. 
you took another drag of your cigarette before flicking it.
her green eyes met yours. 
her hair appeared to be brown, but when the incandescent light of the street lamp hit her, it turned auburn.
you smiled at the pretty stranger, the alcohol and the nicotine making you loopy.
she blushed and looked down at her dirty converse. you opened your pack and offered it to her silently, her eyes flashed to yours. with had not left her being. 
her hand trembled softly as she reached for one and placed it on her lips, you flicked on the lighter and placed it on the end of the cigarette. 
your eyes never left her as you dropped the butt of your cigarette and put it out with your shoe, not even when you placed another on your lips.
her eyes darted from you to the cars. she was nervous. but not nervous enough to break the silence.
it clicked suddenly, “hey! you’re the bassist!” you flashed your teeth.
she nodded, her eyes wide.
this time they maintained your gaze. 
the peace was broken when the door opened once again and alice, her boyfriend, and the rest of the band strutted out.
alice took in the scene and smiled, “hey guys! we’ve been looking for you two!”
“well love, we’ve been here, smoking, and talking.” you cocked your head
“ellie? talking?”
you chuckled, “ellie huh? no, not really, we just smoked.”
ellie’s face and ears turned red, which you found adorable. the rest of the band, which consisted of two other boys, chattered in the background.
you took a last inhale before putting out the cigarette and walking toward alice with a smile.
“look at you all drunk and happy!” alice wrapped her arm around your waist, smashing the sides of your hips together.
you rolled your eyes. “i’m hungry.”
“how about we eat at that diner you love?”
┈୨♡୧┈
the drive to the diner had been… something.
alice’s boyfriend, always the designated driver drove. alice rode shotgun, her feet on the dash as she skipped song after song. you sat by the window, forehead resting on the glass. ellie’s hips pushed into yours, she did her best not to squirm. but the drummer and the keys were trading kisses, and alice held hands with the lead singer. 
ellie felt lonely, and she wanted to talk to you, but her throat closed up in anxiety every time she thought of something to say.
you were so pretty, you oozed confidence. 
the moment your eyes met hers her heart had skipped a beat.
and at the restaurant, she could feel herself spiraling the moment the pretty waiter started to flirt with you.
you smiled at them and did not seem that put off by their advances.
and when you pocketed their number at the end of the night, well she knew there was no hope. that did not stop her from dreaming though…
┈୨♡୧┈
“so who is the girl the song’s about huh?”
“babe, it’s no one!”
“oh please-”
“i swear!”
“you are the one who writes the lyrics! just tell me you don’t love me anymore!”
the argument had gone on for about half an hour, it had just escalated as alice’s soon-to-be ex denied and denied. you could barely hear alice and her boyfriend arguing through the walls.
you made yourself a sandwich.
the other members of the band were not so subtly hooking up in the guest bathroom.
and ellie squirmed on the sofa.
“BABE! calm the fuck down.
oh. fuck no. you were seconds away from barging in, when- 
“i did not want- FUCK- ellie wrote the song okay?”
you froze completely.
“oh!”
“fuck!”
the screaming match turned into whispers and your ears were unable to pick up the words.
you turned your head to ellie, she looked so embarrassed you pitied her. 
so you did the best thing you thought would reduce the embarrassment. you grabbed your computer and sat on the counter, opening your mails and going through your rejections and some callbacks, jotting them down…
the door to alice’s room opened.
you looked up from the computer at her. mascara stained her cheeks, but she had the most devilish smile, causing you to scrunch your brows.
 alice was plotting something. you smiled at her before bolting. shutting your laptop and rushing to your room.
┈୨♡୧┈
you started saying yes to alice whenever she asked you to join her and the band. choosing to ignore the sly smirk she gave you each time.
but you could not help it, you enjoyed being around the bassist. even though she seemed a bit nervous around you. but you found it endearing, plus, at the end of the night you would get to smoke with ellie. 
even the silences were comfortable around her. 
sometimes, you would tell ellie about your day, rant about work. she would listen and give you hums of empathy for your woes.
you were left alone with her most of the time.
the other four coupled up and went their own ways.
they started singing more original stuff, not just covers.
you started seeing alice less and less whenever ellie was present. and you knew it was deliberate. 
if only ellie wasn’t so afraid of you, or nervous around you.
but you liked it, the silence. liked ellie.
┈୨♡୧┈
your eyes were heavy, you could feel yourself on the edge of unconsciousness. 
it was late, your earliest class had been canceled. so you scrolled mindlessly on your phone.
your thumb swiped up again and again.
until…
you blinked hard. was that?
it was ellie, she was singing, strumming her guitar. the post was tagged original song.
i am a moth
who just wants to share your light
im just an insect
trying to get out of the night
i only stick with you
because there are no others
you are all I need
you're all I need
her voice was soft and beautiful.
she looked so concentrated. 
you felt your heartache.
was this song about you? you laughed at yourself. how presumptuous. you were delusional.
she did not even talk to you. you thought it was because she was nervous.
maybe she just did not like you. 
maybe she was stuck with you, while she yearned for someone else.
the video had more than half a million likes.
thousands of comments asking about who it was. ellie had pinned one comment “me when sapphic yearning, she loves me guys (she doesn’t even think twice about me)”
you furrowed your brows. clicking onto her profile.
she had four videos up. one was a cover of a jeff buckley song.
the other was a cover of the song “well i wonder” by the smiths.
and a third was a short one of her talking about the band she was in and the next venues where they would play.
a lot of the comments were asking for more original work.
all three posts were insanely popular.
all posted in the past two weeks.
your heart pounded with ache, jealousy, and something else. something ugly.
┈୨♡୧┈
ellie couldn’t help but wonder if she had made the right choice. sharing her music.
she had gotten mostly positive comments, a lot of likes and shares.
she had been writing more and more lyrics. the rest of the band teased her a bit, but they liked her songs more than the stuff that theo, the lead singer had written.
he joked about losing his place in the band.
but ellie had reassured him that she would die before singing in public. and that her thing was still the bass. 
they were all looking forward to the weekend.
all of ellies posts have gone viral. the most popular was her original song. but the one she had posted about the band had 20k likes. so they were looking forward to playing.
it was almost friday, and the whole week the band had been practicing extra just in case.
the whole time her nerves were wrecked, had you seen the video and realized what she felt for you?
┈୨♡୧┈
you desperately needed a smoke. the venue was full, it wasn’t cramped, but there were more people than usual.
you tried to stay, and you did, you lasted a while. a lot of people had left, but a few people were waiting to meet ellie. you overheard some girls talking about her, and how they wanted to be ellie’s comfort and make her feel better, and you felt the walls close.
the set was almost over, so you saw no harm in walking out for a smoke. so that’s what you did.
┈୨♡୧┈
ellie noticed the exact moment you left. her chest felt tight. had she made you feel uncomfortable with the lovesick songs?
she wanted to out after you. but there had been a small group of girls that had come from the post.
so she made small talk, even though she didn’t want to. she needed to build a good relationship with people who interacted with her music if she ever wanted a career as a musician.
as soon as that was done, everyone wanted to go home.
so she barely got to interact with you. not that she did interact.
she just like sharing a smoke with you. just breathing in the same air.
┈୨♡୧┈
it was late, more specifically early.
weeks later and ellie and the band had become an indie sensation.
there had been an after party, you assumed it was not the first. but it had been the first you had gone too.
you had monday off. so you could take sunday and monday to recover.
it was saturday now. it was six am and the party wasn’t over. it had just moved. 
at three am you and the rest of the group left the party to go to a pizza place that was open 24 hours during the weekends.
you could barely keep your eyes open. but it was the first time you had seen ellie in weeks.
at four thirty the party moved to the top floor apartment the band shared. it was spacious, payed for by theo’s rich parents.
you started feeling uncomfortable. because this was turning into a sleepover. 
you were there with alice, and she was with theo in his room.
the keys and the drums were in their room, and you were on the balcony. leaning on the railing.
you felt anxiety grow in your chest. you felt like an intruder.
the door to the balcony opened, and you thought it was alice. she had told you she was going to check on you.
“i wanna leave, i don’t feel like i’m wanted here…” your voice trailed off as you turned towards the door. “oh. i’m sorry i thought you were alice.” you forced a chuckle.
“why do you feel unwanted here?” ellie furrowed her eyebrows.
“oh, i don’t know… because we are always left alone, and you won’t talk to me, so i think you don’t like me, and i just- you know what? i’m sorry, i’m just tired, i’m calling a cab.”
you moved to leave, brushing past her. you were yanked back softly by her fingers wrapping around your wrist.
“i don’t want you to leave.”
you rolled your lips. you were too tired for this shit.
“but you won’t talk to me.”
“i had smoked a bit in high cool, i don’t really like smoking. i don’t like drinking either. but, i don’t know- i guess i thought that the only way to be around you was under the pretense of a cigarette.”
your inhale was sharp, your heart raced. “who are the songs about ellie?”
she smiled sadly, meeting your eyes. the whole conversation, her eyes had been wandering around you. but her eyes shifted to meet yours. you felt tension thick around the two of you.
“i think you know.” ellie murmured.
you took a chance then. placing a hand on her hip, and the other on her nape. 
you watched as she closed her eyes, her breath shaking and a soft smile pulling at her lips.
your lips met softly, her arms were quick to pull you closer, chests flushed against each other.
i guess this would turn out into a sleepover after all.
┈୨♡୧┈
rebolgs and comments always appreciated 🫶🏻
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cvlutos · 1 year
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“No Nut November” Pt.3
| Repost: 01.09.23 | 1.4K | Mature |
NRC 3rd Years X GN!Reader
| Sexual Themes | Masturbation | Flirting | Sorta Creepy | Voice Kink | Phone Masturbation(One-sided) | Etc. | Proceed with Caution, Dearest. |
Earl’s Notes: A special thanks, to those who have reposted and shared as such with me<3
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♡ TREY CLOVER ♡
LOSER #ONE
Let me preface all this with those who lost, lost most definitely on purpose, except for Cater and Idia. Trey’s losing. That’s his first thought when Ace and Deuce ramble about it to him and knows he’ll lose if you’re anywhere near him. If you just don’t ever acknowledge his existence, he’s automatically winning. But you don’t, 'cause he’s got baked goods that you like and they're free. Ain’t no way you're avoiding him. Trey also doesn’t take NNN super seriously, so it’s okay if he loses. I also have this slight thing that Trey already loves when people eat his deserts, but with you, it turns him alil on, not in a creepy way, but ya know. He’s turning the other way if you get any sorta food stuck on your lips, or face.
Ngl, he probably daydreamed about this exact scenario, as much as he hates to admit. He just learned a new recipe for your favorite dessert, deciding to add a Lil whipped cream. He was so proud of himself, as he texted you about it, and you, being a loyal friend without hesitation, pull up. You and whip cream, we know what this leads to. You, silly Lil, you end up with whipped cream on your face. Trey, without skipping a beat, imagines it as his cu—he has to excuse himself. Moving to his room to jack one-off. He’s extremely guilty after.
“I’m glad you like the dessert. I made it with you in mind.”
♡ CATER DIAMOND ♡
LOSER #TWO
Stood not a chance. Wasn’t even gonna try. He’s such a horn dog. It’s almost embarrassing at this point. 90% of the time, you're responsible for his third boner of the day. Because Cater is such a social phone person, he has multiple pictures and most definitely trades with Ruggie. He just has the most innocent to the most scandalous (as in you sleeping at Heartslabyul, don’t be weird) Like he has access to you, or your pictures 24/7, a recipe for disaster.
So, as always, it’s a nightly ritual at this point. Laying on his back, his roommates are far into dreamland. It’s late as his eyes gradually run along the phone screen, slowly pumping his dick. Your name is a silent cry on his lips. He’s shamelessly losing and doesn’t give a damn.
“[Nickname]! You are simply the cutest, letting me take a pic!”
♡ LEONA KINGSCHOLAR ♡
LOSER #THREE
Not only is it a chore to participate, but also a chore to actually do the deed. As well as Ruggie sending photo after photo of you, being you. Which has the lion beastman slightly interested, but far too damn lazy. Leona is lasting till the end of the month, simply because he doesn’t get horny, like could go weeks without masturbation. So it really is a ‘if he feels like it’ situation. Like if he needs to cum, he’s going to. Not some imaginary competition is stopping him. Though Leona attempts the competition for about 5 minutes before he’s bored with it.
He definitely forgets for the later weeks of November, till one compromising moment. Not even something inherently sexual, you had massages his ears, something that only lovers would do. Most definitely tried to ignore the boner that tightened his boxers as he tried to sleep, tossing in turning. He finally settles with a growl, nearly shoving his hands into his underwear. (Though I’m personally a firm believer Leona would never wear clothes to bed, you and Ruggie probably begged him to at least wear underwear so that when you had to wake the lion prince, he didn’t whack you in the face with that horse of his. Ruggie’s actually been slapped, which is hilarious)
“Leave me be, Herbivore. I’m not doing something so dumb.”
♡ VIL SCHOENHEIT ♡
WINNER #ONE
Short and sweet, if he’s going to cum to you, it’s going to be within your presence. He’s not going to fantasize about you, he’s going to have you. So he’ll wait till he has you. Period.
“I have no desire, Spudling. Why is it you care? Do you desire to bed me?”
♡ ROOK HUNT ♡
LOSER #FOUR
We saw how he is with Neige and this man damn near nearly cums with anything he sees as beautiful. Like he’s weird. Rook Hunt is mad weird. Though I love him for it. #RookHuntforPresident. Similarly to Cater, he has photos of you, physical and digital, and honest access to you at any point, though he’d never masturbate to you in a tree outside of ramshackle, he has thought about it. He honestly is similar to Vil. He wants to be able to fully experience you and revel in the moment with you, but he ends up thinking about it far too much which leads him being hot and bothered.
So that’s why he loses and isn’t that so beautiful, that he can put competition aside for love and beauty. His breath comes out as short huffs, legs unusually shaking, his hat discarded to the side. His face flush and eyes that seemed to glow, a low moan of your name, cum sputtering from his dick head.
“Mon très cher Trickster, permettez-moi de prendre soin de vous de toutes les manières!”
♡ IDIA SHROUD ♡
INDEFINITE LOSER
Idia is a hentai-watching, cum-drinking slut for you. Like I don’t make the rules. He hypes himself up for NNN, bragging, chatting, confident with all his lil e-friends, til the actual day NNN begins. His goal was to simply ignore you, like as if you didn’t exist, like you wouldn’t just show up uninvited. How hadn't he included that in his calculations? Most definitely has a school uniform kink, like have you met this man? You could be dressed for a day at the church and he’s cumming at the thought of you sucking him off while the choir sings of the lord. He’s shameless.
His hair wildly burning pink, voice stuttering as his tongue runs across his lips, trying to stop himself from drooling and cumming as he fucked his hand, leaning back in his gaming chair. Your voice is just so nice. His eyes roll into the back of his skull, a shuddered breath as he realizes he’s close. He damn near breaking his phone to hang up as he cums, painting his computer screen. Leaving you on the other line, completely confused.
“I-I-I wasn’t avoiding you! Just—Just working…. Yes! This game counts as work! Get Out!”
♡ MALLEUS DRACONIA ♡
WINNER #TWO
Now, why would you tell this man about NNN? Cause he’s genuinely distraught. Like should he win in your honor, or should he simply indulge in his desires to bed you? Literally asking Lilia, the worst person to ask, cause Lilia is having a field day. Best day of Lilia’s life. He’s telling Malleus to simply have fun and try. It’s better that way if you wait. The problem is Malleus doesn’t want to wait. Spoiled royal rich boy. I swear. Why must he suffer in simply doing what he pleases with his soon-to-be darling? Half of Diasomnia recognizes you as Malleus’ spouse, which is a little problematic once you actually go to the dorm and half the people are referring to you as if you're royalty. Malleus is absolutely pleased that Diasomnia accepts you, even though you aren’t together yet.
Malleus is the only one on this list who will directly go to you. Without a doubt, just appearing with little fairy lights in your bedroom, a large unhidden bulge. Like who let a horse in the house. Literally scares you out of your skin. Grim, luckily, isn’t home. He’s sorry but swears it’s urgent. Thinks you jacking him off is a loophole to NNN, he’s a darling. So when you send him away, embarrassed as hell, he’s sulking in his bedroom. Refusing to masturbate unless you're there. (Deadass sitting with arms crossed, glaring at the wall with a pout, boner still very prominent. He’s a spoiled, royal rich kid.)
“Then I will simply make them mine. That way I can indulge happily.”
♡ LILIA VANROUGE ♡
LOSER #SIX
Menace. Loses, cause it’s funny. You being scared by him turns him on. Like it’s hot to see your body flinch, and your eyes widen. Loves it. He’s lived so, so long, so the oddest of things turn him on. This is probably a cycle through all of November, him scaring you, but purposely not cumming till the very last day.
Teeth digging into his lower lip, hand slowly teasing, dragging along his cock, imagining it's you. Rolling his head to the side with a hot chuckle. Your name is hot and playful on his tongue. You’re so worth the wait, so worth the pain. Though this isn’t a victimless crime, you feel what he felt one day. (Bout to become a Lilia Supremacist)
“Fufufu~ [Name], you teasing little thing~”
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ⓒ 2023 love-thanatopsis — all rights reserved. Any sort of plagiarizing, copying, modifying, translating, editing of my works are strictly prohibited.
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joshs-big-toe · 3 months
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I triple dog dare you to write Josh futterman getting caught jerking off to a pic of y/n!!!!
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Heyyy bbg I am SOOOO sorry this took me so long to get to this request, I have been dealing with final exams and tbh mental health? Down the drain lmao. I do have a fic similar to this, so if you want to read that one it is linked HERE!! I am still going to write a similar concept, however, I will change it up a little bit! I hope that you still enjoy it!
cw: smut, male masturbation, female masturbation, fluff
word count: 1,445
Being around Josh Futturman is this strange mix of contradictions that you can't quite wrap your head around. On one hand, he's this total loser, but you can't help but be infatuated with him. It's like he's the king of awkward, yet there's this undeniable charisma that draws you in. And then there's the whole "Biotic Wars" thing – he's legit addicted to that game. You can't help but roll your eyes when he starts rambling about how close he was to beating the game, but there's something oddly cute about his enthusiasm. Lately, though, there's this other layer to your friendship that you can't shake off – a subtle flutter in your chest when he laughs or those lingering looks that neither of you acknowledges. You knew you were far gone when it came to Josh, but you also knew you refused to risk your friendship with him, so you kept silent.
-------------------
Your shift came to a close and you started gathering your things when the buzzing of your phone made you jump. You looked down, seeing Josh’s name on the screen, making you smile. You pick up, greeted by the distant sounds of explosions ad gunfire – the unmistakable sounds of “Biotic Wars.” You rolled your eyes.
“Hey, y/n, what are you doing?” There was a tiredness in his voice.
“I just got off of work, I’m about to head home. What’s up with you?” You responded, realizing that it was kind of a stupid question.
“Ah, you know, same old. Just killing these biotics left and right. You should join me sometime.” You couldn’t help but chuckle.
“Maybe someday, but probably not,” he groans in a mocking way. “You wanna hang out today? Feels like I haven’t seen you in forever.”
“Yeah, absolutely,” he says, clearly distracted. “You can um – ah fuck you! Sorry, not you, I just died.” He laughed. “You can come to my place, that sound alright?” The frantic clicking of buttons started up in the background, accompanied by gunshots and occasional explosions.
“Yeah your place works,” you remark. “What time?” There was a silence from Josh, leaving the sounds of the game in the background. “Josh?”
“Sorry, sorry,” he mumbled. “How does 6 sound? It gives you a chance to get out of your work clothes and me a chance to go through a few more levels.” Clearly, he was more focused on the game.
“That works, I’ll grab pizza for us. Usual?” He ‘mhmm’s’ in response your question. “Cool, I’ll see you then.” He says a quick goodbye, hanging up quickly after. You sigh, grabbing your bag and keys, making your way to your car to head home.
---------
You looked at your watch, the time reading 5:42. You were typically early. Josh always left his door unlocked whenever he knew you were coming over, so you were able to walk right in. You set your bag and the pizza box on the dining table, looking up the stairs. You couldn’t hear his game playing, however you did hear noises from up the stairs. You walk up the stairs quietly, wanting to sneak up on him. Noticing his door was cracked, you took a peak in. Your breath caught in your through, letting out a soft gasp at what you were greeted with. On his computer monitor, your Instagram was pulled up, a photo of you at the beach on the screen. A heat started pooling in your core with the sight in front of you: Josh was in his gaming chair, jeans around his ankles, quickly stroking his dick. His head was lulled back, eyes half closed and tongue poking out of his mouth slightly. You stayed silent, watching his hand moved up in down in a needy pace, whimpers escaping his throat as he continued. He switched hands, shaking the one he was previously using, making you think he had been at this for a while. You bit your lower lip, your arousal becoming overwhelming. You start to think, there's no harm in touching myself too, right? With that, you quietly sit down on the floor, leaning against his doorframe. You took a look over your shoulder, making sure you did not alert Josh that you were there. You were in the clear. You let out a breath you didn’t realize you were holding. Carefully, you dip your hand down into your sweatpants, past your underwear and down to your heat. You leaned your head back against the door frame as you grazed your clit, biting on your lip to stifle any noise threatening your lips. Your eyes closed, taking in the whimpers and words coming from Josh as he continued stroking his cock. Your fingers dipped down into your heat, making you sigh. Your mind was completely clouded with the thought of your fingers being replaced by Josh’s, making a heat pool in your lower belly.
“F-fuck, y/n,” you heard Josh whimper out, making you that much closer to your own release. You circled your clit, letting out your own soft moans at this point, unable to contain them with the pleasure you were feeling. You heard Josh’s moans get more erratic as kept going, insinuating that he was close. You sped up your movements, rubbing and fingering your wet heat, finally bringing yourself to your release. You cover your mouth with your free hand, doing your best to stifle your moans, leaning your head back against the door frame and screwing your eyes shut. You sit there for a moment, catching your breath before glancing inside Josh’s room, not seeing him on his gaming chair anymore. You stand up on wobbly legs, composing yourself. You knock on his door, pushing it open.
“Hey Josh, I’m here,” you call out with a shaky voice. You hoped he wouldn’t notice. You looked at his computer, your picture no longer up. Josh was standing at his shelf, now wearing sweatpants. He turned to look at you, a smile making its way onto his face. His cheeks were a light flush of red.
“Hey!” His voice was cheerful as he made his way over to his bed. You go in, sitting next to you. He leaned in to hug you, you immediately hugging back. He moved his head to where his lips were next to your ear. “Did you like what you saw?” His voice was low and gravely. Your eyes widened, quickly pulling away from the hug to look at him. He looked nervous, his face a darker red than before. This honestly probably took a lot of confidence to say, especially for him.
“W-what?” You stutter out.
“You heard me,” he grinned.
“I um, you saw?” He just nodded. “How much?”
“Most of it, watching you is what actually made me,” he paused. “You know,” he looked away, clearly nervous now. You guess his confidence wore off.
“I-I’m sorry if I made things weird I just-” he cut you off, connecting his lips to yours gently. Your arms instinctively wrap around his neck, pulling him more into the kiss. You pull away, looking into his eyes.
“Y/n, I’ve been into you for years. You just never showed me any signs of anything, so I stayed quiet about it.” You smiled.
“honestly, josh? I have too. I was just scared.”
“You sure didn’t seem scared five minutes ago,” he smirked. You grumbled, flicking the back of his head. “You were also early, you were never supposed to see or know anything.” You shrugged.
“Well, I do now.” He looked down.
“So what now?” He said, joy and curiosity in his voice. You thought for a moment.
“well, theres pizza downstairs-“
“no, not right now, dumbass. In general. Us. What now.”
“oh,” you blushed. “You could be a gentleman and ask me on a real date, you know.” You teased him. He rolled his eyes, hiding the smile that crept onto his face.
“Sorry, sorry. Y/n, would you like to go on a date with me?” A smile lingered on his lips. You pretend to think for a moment.
“I guess, but lets just eat pizza and watch a movie tonight, how does that sound?” He nodded.
“I’ll go get the pizza,” he planted a kiss on your cheek before he left the room. You laid back on his bed, staring at the ceiling. You couldn’t believe what just happened, and frankly you were embarrassed. But you’re secrets out now and it feels good, especially knowing that he had feelings for you too. You let your eyes flutter shut, taking a deep breath, anticipating what may come within this newfound relationship that may be forming.
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OMG thank you for being patient with me. I hope this is good, I honestly struggled with this one a lot for some reason, but if you enjoyed it, im glad. Have a beautiful day everyone :)
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kaixserzz · 7 months
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i just had to let this out. if i dont i will die. anyways im super in love with dottore !! so have this kinda self indulgent fic where its super disgustingly fluffy and just reader being a huge fucking love struck loser :3 there needs to be more dottore fics i swear :( (actually have no idea what im going with this but its fluff so whatever) oh ya allowing drabble rqs but only for dottore LOL (pantalone too actually!1)
dottore drabble x5 "luv u, luv u 2" (cw: a little descriptive about blood, veins and ur heart LOL)
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you've long accepted that dottore has different ways of expressing his affection for you. it wasn't what you'd consider the norm from what you could tell by observing other relationships, but then again, he was never to be categorized with others. same goes for you, after you barged into dottore's life.
so, as the years go by, you've learned to identify these expressions of love that are only unique to you. some of them are odd, if you'll admit, but it was more endearing than unsettling.
he doesn't say much, it seems like being completely honest, even to you, has been forever deeply ingrained into his mind. but his actions do say a lot more than he'll ever say to you.
this doesn't mean you're not going to tease it out of him.
"dottore," you call his name with a sing-song voice, walking across his lab with a pep on your step. it echoed into the bustling room, mixing along with the other footsteps of segments scattered about. some had turned their heads in your direction, only to stick their nose up in the air and go back to whatever they were doing with a huff.
aw, you'll have to give them some attention later on. but for now, your target was dottore, your darling zandik.
you wrapped your arms around his waist as you buried your face onto his back, his hair tickling your nose. he didn't even flinch at your sudden hug, only continued to mix chemicals in the vials he held in his gloved hands. "i love you." you cooed behind him, your fingers playing with the lapels of his lab coat, before intertwining and resting your hands on his abdomen.
you could feel his stomach rise and fall along with his chest with every breath he took, and if you slid your hands up a little higher, you could feel his pulse quicken, only for a little. despite it all, to you, he was only human. a mortal, your lover.
then, you press a kiss on the back of his neck, mumbling another, "i love you!", only to receive a small hum of acknowledgement from dottore, his shoulders dropping ever so slightly as one of his hands was now laid atop of yours, thumb rubbing circles on your skin, not bothered by your intrusion one bit. you smiled against his clothes, but you wanted to prod him for more. "i love you, dottore." you say again, your embrace tightening. "gods, i love you soooo much. i love you~"
you repeated again and again, rather shamelessly at that. you moved at each 'i love you', and at this point, you've slid yourself around his torso, squeezing yourself into his arms. so now your face is buried onto his neck as you continue to spill all of your love for him until you've eventually riled him up to his limit.
what you didn't expect, was for him to put down the vials he had in his hands, and to finally reciprocate your hug. his hand was on the back of your head, gently patting and playing with your hair, while his chin was rested atop your head.
and oh, to be in his embrace. it's not like it's rare for him to hug you, he has grown to be a bit more physically affectionate ever since you've started dating, but for him to stop whatever he's doing just to indulge in your musings? ah, it was utter bliss in his arms, and you melted into a puddle of love-struck goo.
"what's with all of this, now?" dottore mused with a chuckle. and gods, you always loved it when he laughed, his chest rumbling against your body, and the hairs on your forearms stood. "i do believe i have provided you with ample attention this morning for you to survive for a couple of hours on your own."
you giggle at his words, allowing him to push aside some of his stuff on his desk and sit you atop it, fitting himself between your legs and pulling you impossibly closer to him. you didn't answer him though, only chanting 'i love you into his ear, cooing and planting kisses all over his face. he seems to be entranced by your display of affection, letting you take off his mask, your fingers dancing against his marred skin, littered with scars and burns.
he knows you love every single one of them, kissing the sensitive skin, the sensation leaving him all tingly and warm on the inside. quickly, he pulled his gloves off of his hands and wrapped them around your neck.
your eyes flicker to his for a moment, curious, but still trusting. not a single care for the hands tainted with the black tar of crimes he has committed, of all the sins that crawled and scratched on his back, of all the scars that serve an everlasting reminder of everything he has done. too easily, his hands could snap your neck, as if you were nothing.
"i love you."
but both you and zandik know he'd never try to do such a thing. his hands just fit perfectly around your neck, his thumb pressing lightly against your pulse points. surging with blood, just underneath your skin, heart beating, alive in his hands, and loving him, of all people.
then, amidst your confessions to him, you pursed your lips and narrowed your eyes. "what do you think you're doing?" you trusted dottore with all your life, though the look he had on your neck while he lightly squeezed was odd. "don't look at me like i am a mere cadaver." you hiss.
he lips stretched into a big grin, sharp teeth showing all their glory to you as he leaned his face was inches apart from yours. "oh, my dearest," dottore's hands were now on your back, wrapping his arms around you once more. you shivered at the pet name, so easily allured by everything he does and says. "you are more than that. makes it more interesting for me to observe and study."
you gave him a playful glare, "try and i'll stab your neck with a scalpel." and though you threatened him, your hands cupped his cheeks, thumbs tenderly massaging his scars. he leans against your touch and closes his eyes, grin never leaving his lips. "my, and you were just telling me that you loved me repeatedly just a moment ago. have you stopped loving me?"
"i will if you start cutting me open without my permission!"
"so you will let me study you if i asked."
"don't ask!" you huffed, crossing your arms at him. "be content with what you have!"
"oh, but we are scholars, my love." he purrs into your ear, and he sees how quick you crumble beneath him. "we strive for more, don't we?" you roll your eyes at that, opening your mouth to argue with him more, but he shushes you with his finger.
"tell me you love me."
you blink at him, surprised, before smiling widely with sparkling eyes. "i love you." you say, breathless as he sighs at those words.
"again."
you chuckle, "my, how greedy."
dottore only scoffed, and tugged at your hair impatiently. "again," he demanded, and you could only giggle and say, "i love you," and again, and again.
and when he has had enough, he shuts you up with a kiss. long, passionate, and always ends up bloody. he can't help but bite your bottom lip every time you kiss. you look so gorgeous with bruised lips and blood dribbling down your chin, anyway. you don't mind, licking your lips with a grin.
"i love you, zandik."
"i love you too, my dearest."
it wasn't often for you to hear those words from his lips, but you cherish every moment he does.
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- ̥۪͙۪˚┊❛❛ If you like this a lot, consider reblogging! I'll appreciate it very very much! Don't repost and/or translate my work anywhere. ❜❜ ┊˚ ̥۪͙۪◌
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belovedvenom · 1 month
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begging u to write the first time sarah takes your strap omg
as oomfie once said: you need to fuck the fake gay outta her!!!
warnings: 18+, strap on usage (sarah receiving), cheating (topper fuck you MOVE), dirty talk
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another sleepover, sarah once again pacing around her room, going off about how terrible topper is at sex —still not knowing how to please her, his stroke game is weak, only focusing on himself. you disliked him but you envied him also. you wanted to be the only one to take care of her, to kiss her whenever, the only one to make her cum and he can’t even do that right.
scrolling on your phone, letting out a few hums of acknowledgment to show her you’re listening —barely, you’re just so over it, words coming out before you could stop them.
“you wouldn’t have that problem with me”
she stops in her tracks. “you- what?”. shrugging, you act like its no big deal. “you heard me. i mean you know how i feel about that loser anyway, i tell you all the time you deserve better, deserve someone who knows how to make you cum. i could take care of you..besides it could be fun..”
you get up to stand in front of her— bottom lip caught between her teeth as she stares intensely into your eyes. the look on her face making your cunt throb. she’s always heard stories about how you really know how to keep a girl satisfied. sarahs always been infatuated with you, wnted you to slut her out.
“okay..” she started. “..yeah show me”
“show you what?” head tilted to the side.
“show me how i deserve to be fucked.”
fuck yes.
you lean forward, kissing her roughly. “lay back on the bed, pretty girl.” she giggles as she immediately scampers to the bed, laying against the pillows, already taking off her pj’s. mesmerized by her body, you trail your fingers down her chest, to her stomach, and thighs before straddling her waist. pressing your lips to hers once more, you caress her cheek as you pull away.
“oh, baby. i can’t wait to ruin you.”
‎ ᰍ︵ꪒꪒ‎ ‎ "fuck! baby slow down!.. you're gonna make me cum.."
face smushed into her pillow as you deep stroke her in doggystyle with your strap. biting down on it with how good you're giving it to her. she was a whining and whimpering mess as you pounded in to her. "taking me so well baby" breathless as your hand collides with her ass, smacking it twice before gripping her hips again. handing her better than any man ever could. "like when i fuck this pussy like this huh.." she nods, barely any time to speak before you hand settles on her neck, squeezing down. "fuck. oh fuck" sarah whined as her orgasm quickly approached. you slowed down, helping her ride it out, hand leaving her neck to caress her back. you pulled out of her, grabbing her by the hips to flip her body over on to her back. lining the silicone coke to her cunt and pushing back in making her whimper. "youve got one more in you, baby. i know you do.' starting to thrust, you grab her jaw. "open your mouth" squeezing slightly. she does as you command, sticking her tongue out as she opens wide for you. spitting in to it, you fuck her harder as she swallows immediately. "such a good girl for me. you're my slut now, yeah? only gonna come to me when you wanna come, right?" her pretty eyes blink up at you as she nods. "o-only you. i-i'm y-yours. i'm only yours!" she cries out, breasts jiggling from the way your pounding into her. "topper could never fuck you like this, huh.. my poor girl never got to cum" you tease, hand going down to rub her clit. "no! never! he never made me feel as good as you do.. fuck! you fuck me so good baby. please..make me cum, make me cum again" she babbles dumbly until, for the third time that night, you have her cumming again, making a mess all over you -your name rolling off her tongue like music. slowly you pull out of her and get up to get a towel as she lays limp, breathing heavy. you cleaned her up, kissing her body as you did so before laying down beside her, pulling her body close. kissing her forehead, you both lay in comfortable silence before she broke it "so.." she looks up at, grinning sweetly. "wanna go again?"
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beanghostprincess · 28 days
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Usopp's constant negativity and anxiety are something useful and "positive" at the end of the day (eg: fight against Perona) because he doesn't necessarily need to change his views, he just needs to trust himself and his abilities more and he just uses what he has at the moment which is, you know, negativity. It is not something positive but it does keep him safe from danger and he will end up being proud of himself and stronger than he could ever imagine, but that doesn't mean he'll stop being negative. It's just another personality trait a lot of people have, and Usopp using it for his advantage is something great, I feel. He takes pride in being like that. He's loud and shameless about it.
Unlike Sanji, who dwells on his negativity on his own. Quietly. And lets it consume him without having any power over it. His self-sabotaging and self-sacrificing behavior often comes from a place of giving up out of fear of others getting hurt to save him because that's pretty much his core fear. Being a burden/Not being able to save the people he cares about from himself and his past. It's not something the manga shows that much in comparison to Usopp's negativity, but Sanji's pessimistic views are pretty much one of the reasons why WCI happens and why he puts himself in the worst situation in Wano.
And I think (this is why I'm writing all of this) that they're perfect for each other because Usopp could show him that being afraid and negative isn't something so bad. After all, at least Usopp is aware that if he can't do something, the crew will help him out no matter what. Usopp's negative, yes, but it's alright because he doesn't go through it on his own. Even if he does look shameless and "selfish" when desperately asking for help (he isn't, by the way. It's actually pretty reasonable to act like that). Sanji needs to learn to ask for help shamelessly too and he needs to stop putting all the weight of the world's negativity on his shoulders. They need to carry it together.
Like- There's just something so personal in Usopp going "Yes! I am scared. Frightened even. Please, help!" because he might not like that part of him and he's trying to be stronger and more independent every day, but he acknowledges that things can go south and his reaction is very fight or flight but pretty mostly flight to be safe. While Sanji's response is always to fight because he refuses to let others know he needs help in case something happens to them (and also because he feels ashamed of feeling weak). Usopp shares the responsibility and accepts that he's kind of a loser sometimes but Sanji refuses to do so.
This is just a thought about Sanji learning that being a coward and asking for help isn't bad because they're meant to do stuff like that, and Usopp growing to be stronger and independent but not necessarily stop being pessimistic because sometimes you just... Are like that. Sometimes you're scared. Sometimes you have anxiety. And that's alright. You can be strong anyway.
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jimsbeetroot · 1 month
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𝐡𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐬𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐭 𝐡𝐨𝐦𝐞 ♱ 𝐣𝐢𝐦 𝐫𝐨𝐨𝐭
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words; 1.761
smut!
--
In all fairness, it's just a mask. A mask he allowed you to put on him before every show.
It's just a guitar, but he always played for you when you couldn't fall asleep at night.
And it’s just shoes— shoes that are normally huddled together in the hallway before you come home. It’s such a little thing that you shouldn’t be getting upset about, but it’s another thing on the list of things that you’d noticed about Jim's absence.
Things were so different in the house; it all felt so painfully empty. It was quiet, really quiet. So quiet that you sometimes felt as if you could hear the gentle thrumming of your heartbeat. You’d tried to fill the silence with music and the talking of the TV, but it didn't help to see his masked face on MTV every day.
And before you knew it, it was quiet again— quiet and empty.
An empty plate was still set at his place at the table. It went without saying; you missed him— a lot.
It was the first time in over six years that you’d been apart for this long.
Jim had gone on tour with Slipknot and for the first time - since you got together- you hadn't joined him.
It was Jim's call. The band was experiencing their ups and downs, and Jim didn't want you to be stuck with that for months. You understood.
The first couple of months, you thought you could handle it. It hadn’t felt much different then. But suddenly, it was as if anything that remotely reminded you of Jim would automatically set you off.
And it wasn’t like you hadn’t called, or at least tried to call — if you somehow managed to get the times correct— it was just not the same. 
You sighed frustratedly, flinging a paintbrush at the canvas. It stroked a harsh angry black line on the creamy-white paper. You’d been trying to find inspiration for that fucking painting but it wasn’t coming along so easy.
All you could think of was that twenty-four hours was a pretty long time, and you weren’t sure if you could wait that long to see him.
“Y/N?”
Your head shot up from the painting as you heard a voice emerging from downstairs.
You shook off the thought. 
Those stupid voices had been appearing in your head for over four months, and you were not about to let them fool you once more.
You tilted your head slightly to look at the canvas from another angle. 
Maybe you could draw Jim. You could draw his face or his hands. Or maybe you could draw his dick. Yeah, you could draw his dick from memory with your eyes closed, it was almost embarrassing. 
You scoffed, how desperate could you get?
“What’s this one called?”
Wow, you’re even hearing Jim talking now? 
Fuck, what a loser. 
Was it healthy to be so in love that you could hear your boyfriend's voice when he was somewhere on the other side of the world? 
Surely, it couldn’t be.
“I know. A black beacon trying to blossom against the adversity of white?” 
A familiar voice chuckled from behind you.
You frowned, not turning around. If it was your thoughts then why did it sound exactly like something Jim would say? 
Shit, I really really have it bad.
“Really, not even a giggle? I’ve had a better reaction from my cast mates—”
You heard a few steps coming closer.
“—and my girlfriend refuses to acknowledge my existence”
Okay. 
You were sure that you heard a small creak from that floorboard as if someone purposely stepped on it. 
Fuck, you weren’t not expecting anyone and the only person with a spare key is— was, well Jim. You glanced behind you slowly and cautiously, but before you knew it, you were stumbling up from the floor and jumping to wrap your legs around Jim.
“Fuck, I thought I was going crazy imagining your voice,” you murmured with your mouth against Jim's neck. He’s back. Your James. “God, I’ve missed you so much.”
You looked up at him, arms hooked around his neck.
He was exactly as he was when he’d left and the feeling of just being around him again overwhelmed you. You felt so completely whole again and the thought tugged at your heartstrings.
You held him tighter as your lips trembled and tears welled up in your eyes.
Jim frowned, setting you down gently on the dresser. 
“Please don’t cry. You know it breaks my heart.”
“I know, I know,” You chuckled, trying to get rid of the traitorous tears that slid down your cheek.
"I just— I missed you so much. It’s just—”
Jim smiled widely as he flattened you up against his body again, forehead level with yours.
He placed a soft kiss on your temple
“I missed you too, babe, so fucking much.” 
He raked his fingers through your hair. 
“You’re so beautiful, you know that? I thought about you every single day. My little love all by herself, waiting for me.”
You grinned. God, you’d missed his voice and the way he talked, so relaxed that it never failed to excite you.
“I thought you were coming back tomorrow?”
“I left early,” Jim said, shifting your hair away from your neck. He gave it a soft peck.
“Really?” You were more than over the moon that he was here, but if he’d gotten in trouble over it, you’d feel horrible. “You didn’t have to.”
“Yes, I did. Corey got sick and we cancelled the last show. I had to come back to my baby.”
Your cheeks flushed what you could only imagine had been a bright rose-tinted colour. 
"You’re too sweet,” you gushed. 
“Sweet is overrated-” Jim started, flashing that smirk.
”-Now take off those cute little shorts and panties. I need to taste that sweet cunt of yours."
You didn’t need him telling you twice before you were tugging at the clothes, the cool breeze instantly blew at your bare core causing shivers down your spine. You’d been waiting for this moment ever since he’d left and your fingers had never quite succeeded in satisfying yourself the way Jim did— does.
Jim sunk to his knees. Fuck. He ran a finger over your slit, playing with the juices and he groaned as it spilled deliciously against the wood dresser.
He pulled your legs over his shoulders.
“God Y/N, I’ve missed you.” 
Jim kissed the skin of your thigh right under where you wanted him the most. 
“You’ve always had a sweet cunt, always drenched and ready for me.”
Jim parted your lips with his fingers, his thumb rubbing circles on your clit as he looked up at you with pure fascination.
“God Jim— I need your mouth,”
Jim smirked at the sheer desperation in your voice. He plunged a digit into your hole. 
Shit, your walls clenched around his finger. 
The moment which you’d been longing for, was finally here.
“Where baby? You have to be specific.”
“On me, fuck—” You whimpered as his fingers bent in and out of you. 
You’d craved his contact for all these months and now, you had it, and overwhelming pleasure filled your body. 
Your cheeks were hot and flustered and there was entirely too much going on. “I need your mouth on my cunt, Jim. I just need you…..please.”
Jim grunted, delving his tongue deep into you. He glanced up at you with a hum that vibrated through you. 
“I— ’m so fucking close Jim—” You breathed heavily, trying to get your bearings correct, but his fingers were moving inside you with the same vigour his cock did.
Jim released your clit with a prominent pop. Your walls clenched tightly around his fingers with no particular pattern. He sunk his teeth into the flesh of your trembling thighs, sucking a blossoming bruising purple on the surface.
“Fuck—”
You couldn’t even begin to think properly as his lips trailed kisses up your body. You hadn’t come that hard in so long that your body was already weak from pleasure.
Jim smirked. 
“Look at you, baby. So fucking spent—” Your face was slippery with sweat, strands of hair stuck to your forehead. “— and he hadn’t even fucked you yet. “You missed me that much?”
“Yes—” You answer, a shaky breath leaving your lips. “I missed you so fucking much. I missed your fingers—”
Jim lined himself with your entrance.
“What else?”
“I missed your cock as well. So, so much."
Jim grinned, sinking his cock inside you slowly, only stopping when he was right at the hilt, your walls sucking him in naturally and he moaned at the sensation.
It was pure ecstasy as he began to move, pulling himself out before slamming his hips back.
“Faster—” After so long, you needed him now, rough and hard. “—Please, you need to go faster, Jim”
“Hold on, darling,” Jim growled out. “I haven’t fucked you in so long and you’re so fucking tight.”
Jim laid his rough hands on your waist, clutching you tightly.
“You know I love you, right?”
You smiled lazily, your eyes fluttering closed. “Hmm, I love you too— a lot.”
Jim bit your collarbone and increased his pace, pounding into you deep again and again.
You dug your fingers into Jim's back, chanting his name so loud that the neighbours were probably aware that he was back by now. But you didn’t care.
Jim hooked one of your legs around his waist, hitting you at another angle and you mewed at the way he hit your sweet spot.
“God I— Fuck—”
“You want to come again, baby?” Jim asked, kissing your neck.
“Yes, yes please—”
“Then come for me baby,” He growled and it didn’t take long before you were jerking against him, screaming out his name.
He captured your lips in his, kissing you heatedly, teeth and tongue smashed as he swallowed your moans. He continued to thrust, deep and hard.
“Fuck baby— I’m gonna need you to clench around me.”
“I— I can’t,” You managed to choke out, blurring the lines between pain and pleasure.
“Yes, you can baby,” Jim said as your eyes pricked red with tears. “I got you.”
You could feel the fire pooling in your abdomen as you used all of your energy to clench around his cock.
Jim let out a long, loud moan as he finally came so hard.
“God— I’ve missed you,” You said.
Jim pulled himself out of you. “Hmm. I’ve missed you too.
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lucianalight · 4 months
Text
A Glorious Culmination
Let's talk about that perfect ending with its beautiful scenes and epic soundtrack, shall we? Here's all the reasons why I loved it:
The ending answered the question "what makes a Loki, Loki?"
"Authority, independence, style". Sure, but that's not all of it. And it's not the real answer.
So who is Loki? A villain? A loser? What defines Loki?
There are many characteristics that define Loki but one of the main ones that truly sets him apart imo is that he is a catalyst for change. Loki when faced with options he doesn't like, or a problem that looks like doesn't have a solution, makes a new way, creates a new solution, chooses an option that didn't exist before.
He has the power to destroy, like the mythological tale of Ragnarok.
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And to give life. Like how the Ragnarok he brings, means the beginning of a new cycle in Norse mythology.
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-"Yeah it was the best character development. Loki went from wanting a throne to..."
Let me stop you there.
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Loki went from not wanting a throne but thinking he must have it to be considered worthy and an equal to Thor, to taking a throne despite not wanting it, because it was the right thing to do.
The fact that Loki sacrificed himself once again for the people he loved and cared about, wasn't a new character development. In the movies Loki risks and sacrifices himself every time when it matters. For Thor, for Asgard, for the world. The only development here was that this time he sacrificed himself for every universe there is.
And his sacrifice wasn't treated as sth he deserved by the narrative because of every terrible things he'd done. On the contrary the narrative acknowledges that this is the last thing Loki deserves. That he is paying for others' mistakes and wrongs. He spends centuries to save the timelines. He spends a long time trying to stop Sylvie without harming her. And when everything seems lost, he makes a decision to save everyone but himself, he creates a different path. He faces his deepest fear, to not hurt the people he loves.
If there is any character development, it's for the narrative and the audience that finally recognized who Loki actually is.
The Symbolism
I have to say my first reaction to the new Loki costume was:" This is the worst Loki costume ever :))))" also me two days later: "I'm gonna set it as my wallpaper." But I loved the symbolism. The biggest horns Loki's ever worn to show the weight of the crown. His cape that was connected to timelines, to show the burden of a throne. The simplicity in his clothes in contrast with his other outfits. Because this wasn't about the recognition Loki always wanted and deserved. This was about the responsibility Loki decided to literally put on his shoulders and feeling the gravity of it.
His shoes though :)))) I mean
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Either let him be bare footed or give him boots you cowards :D
The Parallels
The fact that how the ending parallels the first Thor movie and everything came back full circle.
How Thor and Loki destroyed sth at the cost of themselves losing the people they cared about.
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Loki doing sth not because of a desperation for acceptance, not because he thought it was sth someone else wanted.
Knowing if he chose the easier way, no one could have fault him for it because it seemed there was no other way.
He did it because he knew it was the right thing to do, because he knew who he wanted to be.
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Loki not giving up, not letting go, not falling down from a broken bridge, but ascending, holding on as he fixes what's broken.
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He holds and carries the whole universe on his back. It's not only a beautiful Atlassian tragedy, but also parallels Norse mythology in more than one way. Yggdrasil, the tree of life in Norse mythology, the one that Loki holds in his hands in the finale, wasn't the only parallel in the ending.
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There's a subtle and beautiful nod to Norse mythology. The tale of Loki being bound till Ragnarok. The myth that says when Loki gets freed, the end of the world begins.
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What a marvelous tragedy. And what a glorious culmination.
It's not all tragic though
Loki now is literally the most powerful and heroic character in MCU. He's holding the universe in his hands and keeping it alive. You can't top that.
And it makes his portrayal in the recent movies in which he was unfairly underpowered, even more ridiculous than before and that makes me happy :D
There is also a possibility to see Loki again and I'm not talking about the other variants. Marvel now has the best dues ex machina through Loki. He might be able to appear in any universe as an illusion to warn about dangers or help the characters. He might figure out a way to keep the tree alive without being there himself. That way he can find Thor in the sacred timeline. Or maybe the Loki who survived Thanos and is still in the sacred timeline finds Thor. Maybe there's still hope for a good reconciliation and a good story for Asgardian siblings.
So to sump up this was an epic, symbolic, beautiful and tragic ending. And yet hopeful. I loved it💚
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wwinterwitch · 2 years
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Hi, i was wondering if you could write something for Eddie Munson? My idea is that reader is one of the popular girls at school and Eddie is totally in love with her (even tho he hates himself for that fact) but he's certain that she doesn't even know who he is, much less would spare him the time of her day. However, one day he pisses off the wrong jock and they end up beating him up when no one is around. Reader finds him later, injured and trying to take care of himself while failing miserably, and for his surprise she helps him out, takes care of his wounds and is genuinely worried. Then maybe Eddie gets a bit emotional? I feel like he would be the type of person who doesn't get that kind of care often. And maybe after that reader sticks by him at school and at first he's trying to not be seen with her because he's worried his presence will stain her reputation, but she just reassures him that she doesn't care what others think, and he only falls more... Sorry that got a bit big, but I love your writing <3
STOP I LOVED THIS IDEA!! you can tell I got a little carried away with this but it was just so good and eddie is so cute and i'm so in love with him. Hope y'all like this (and maybe I can do a part 2??? idk you guys let me know)
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**gif is not mine!! if you know who it belongs to let me know to credit them
THE QUEEN AND THE FREAK
summary: eddie never expected the girl he liked to notice him, yet there she was, willing to be his friend despite belonging to very different groups (part 2 here)
pairing: eddie munson x fem!reader
word count: 3k
warnings: popular/loser trope, mentions of blood and injuries, reader takes care of eddie's wounds, angst, eddie is a sweetheart, fluff, strangers to friends to kinda lovers?, high schoolers being assholes, mentions of stereotypes, a bit of flirting, more angst, reader is 18
a reblog and/or comment is always appreciated!
At first, Eddie Munson thought you were a stuck-up bitch. How could you not be? Captain of the cheerleaders, most popular girl in school and top student. You and your group of popular kids is practically the personification of everything he hates.
But much to his despair, the more he started to acknowledge you, he couldn't help but notice other things. The way you would tap your foot repeatedly during the entire duration of a test because, maybe, you had all this pressure on yourself to always get the best grades. Or the way you would cover your mouth when you laughed. Or how you would walk inside a classroom and suddenly nothing else mattered but you.
He hates this. He hates himself for noticing those things and enjoy them. He hates himself for thinking you looked so cute doing that silly cheerleader routing he shouldn't find enjoyable, yet there he is sitting on the bleachers just to look at you. He hates he can't seem to get you out of his head.
And it was all so stupid. Because why did he have to fall for the one girl who would never in a million years like him back? You're just so different from him, you probably don't even know he exists.
He feels pathetic because he really wants to hate you, but in reality he just hates the fact that he's so into you. It was almost like the universe was trying to piss him off. Always hating the popular crowd, now he's punished by liking one of said crowd.
And as if things couldn't get any worse for him, right after lunch he had a fight with a group of idiots from the basketball team. He was unlucky enough to find himself alone against them, so it was evident this time it'd be a fight he wasn't going to win.
He was by his locker when he heard someone walking down the hall towards where he was, forcing him to lean into his open locker to cover the wounds on his face.
"Are you okay?" he heard a voice asking. At that moment, he couldn't believe who was standing right next to him.
Instead of answering like a normal human being, Eddie stood there like a complete weirdo, staring at you in disbelief. He never imagined he would have the chance to talk to you. Evidently, you looked even more concerned when you noticed the state he was in. "Who did this to you?"
"It's...nothing," he muttered.
"Doesn't look like nothing," you insisted. "Did you go see the nurse?"
His silence was enough answer for you. Sighing, you gently closed his locker and grabbed his arm, guiding him to the nearest bathroom. You poked your head inside to make sure no one was inside before the two of you entered.
Eddie didn't complain about you dragging him away from his locker, his heart beating rapidly against his chest when it was just the two of you inside that bathroom. Did he have a concussion that it's making him fantasize about you? It's the only explanation as to why your standing here with him.
He watched in silence as you grabbed a piece of paper towel and damped it with water, walking closer to him. Without warning, you grabbed his face to gently move it to the side, starting to carefully press the paper towel against his left brow.
You didn't move your hand away from his chin, keeping him in place. The gesture of you willingly helping him out and the fact that you're so close was slowly driving him insane. This is all too good to be true.
Your hands were incredibly soft and you were being so gentle with him, it was hard for him not so stare at you, though he had to look away so you wouldn't think he was weird or anything. The feeling of someone touching him, even as superficial and insignificant at this, meant the actual world to him. He rarely ever gets that, especially from a girl he secretly has a crush on. It made him realize just how touch-starved he actually is, almost wishing you would never move away from him. Jeez, he was almost grateful he got beat up because that means being alone with you in a bathroom.
"You should get this disinfected," you commented, just to make some sort of conversation.
"Yeah," was all he could say, much focused on the fact that you were standing just inches away from him and he couldn't do nothing else but stare and suffer in silence because despite wanting to convince himself otherwise, he needed some much more from this moment.
You continued cleaning as much of the dry blood you could from his face, cleaning his left brow and a small cut on his cheek. Then, you grabbed another paper towel and began gently cleaning the cut on the side of his lip. That instantly made him flinch, not because he was hurt or because he didn't want you near, but because he genuinely didn't now how to react.
"Sorry, did that hurt?" you asked, unaware that his reaction had nothing to do with the injury itself.
"A little," he lied. "It's fine, though."
With that said, you continued to clean the dry blood on the side of his lip, making sure to be extra careful to avoid hurting him again. Now this is both the best and worst moment of his life. He's just inches from your face, and you're concentrating on his lips as you clean his wounds, and he just wishes this could be different. That you're not here with him to help him out with his injuries. He liked to imagine that you two had sneaked out of class and now you were about to kiss him, and he could stay inside this bathroom with you for as long as he wanted. And that you wanted to stay here with him, too. But it was all too good to be true. You're here just to help him, and he can't lean in those extra inches to kiss you, nor he can wrap his arms around you to pull you close. This doesn't mean a thing.
Of course, you were unaware of the scenario he was picturing inside his head. And you didn't notice how disappointed and hopeless he looked when you pulled away from him and disposed the paper towel by throwing it in the trashcan behind you.
"That's better," you commented with a smile, scanning his face. He just felt so vulnerable now, having you look at him like that with those beautiful eyes and that gorgeous smile...you'll be the death of him.
Before he could thank you, the door of the bathroom opened and he was once again dragged by you, this time inside a stool. He understood what you were doing, putting his feet up the toilet as you closed the stool's door behind you.
"Hey, are you okay in there?" you immediately recognized the voice of one of your friends asking. "Mrs. Downey told me to check on you because you were taking too long."
"Uh, yeah. I'm fine!" you quickly replied, exchanging a look with Eddie. "Just...I don't think I'll be able to get back to class. Would you tell Mrs. Downey I'm not going to be back?"
"Sure, do you need anything? Maybe someone can come pick you up?"
"No, don't worry. I just need to stay here for a bit. I'll maybe go to the nurse if I feel worse."
"Okay. You want me to get your things after this period ends?"
"Yes, please. I think I'll be okay to go to English later."
"Alright, see you then. I'll come check on you during break to see if you need anything, okay?"
"Okay, thanks! You're the best."
You and Eddie heard the bathroom door opening and closing again, the bathroom once again in complete silence. You waited a few seconds before opening the door to check your friend was indeed gone before turning back to Eddie. "That was close," you chuckled.
The two of you walked outside the stool and Eddie, feeling a lot more comfortable around you said, "Who would've thought someone like you would be the type to sneak out of class?"
"Someone like me?" you asked, a smile on your face still. "And what is that supposed to mean?"
"You know, the queen of Hawkins High breaking the rules...sounds hard to believe."
You couldn't hold back your laughter, which instantly made Eddie smile. He just managed to make you laugh. You were laughing because of something he said. He made you laugh.
"Well, there's a first time for everything," you shrugged. "It's...Eddie, right?"
The way his name sounded coming from your lips has got to be his new favorite sound ever. Oh, how he would love to hear you call his name over and over... "Uh...yeah, it is," he replied a bit shy, scratching the back of his neck just to do something that would distract him from his thoughts. "Didn't think you would know my name."
"Of course I know your name, we share almost every class. Besides, a guy like you is hard to ignore."
"Is that so?"
You let out a quick nervous laugh after realizing how that sounded like, your cheeks turning a light shade of pink. God, this guy was charming. "I mean, you have a style that stands out. The, uh...you know, the hair and the leather jacket."
"Oh, yeah...I guess."
"I meant that in a good way," you quickly explained when you noticed he couldn't tell if that was an insult or a compliment. "You stand out in a good way."
His smile instantly appears on his face again. "Well, that's good to hear."
"Don't let that get to your head."
"Sorry, too late. That made my ego about...ten times bigger."
Once again, he made you laugh. "You're so not like I thought you were."
"And you're nothing like I expected either."
"I hope you mean that in a good way?"
"I mean that in the best of ways."
Eddie was beyond happy to notice your cheeks turning an ever darker shade of pink after his comment, noticing just by your body language that he was making you nervous. It's the only explanation as to why you seem to fidget with your fingers so much or why you would shift the weight of your body from one side to the other.
"As much as I'd like to stay here talking to you, I think you really need to go see the nurse," you commented, once again checking the injuries on his face.
"Glad to know I'm such a good company," he teased again. "I was actually heading back home before you found me."
"But we have English and then History before school's over..." you said as if it was obvious that he couldn't leave.
"Now that right there was adorable," he commented with a laugh. It was almost as if he managed to turn the entire situation around, leaving you to be the one all flustered.
"Okay, I get it," you said, pretending to be annoyed by all the teasing. Deep down, you couldn't get enough of it. Since when Eddie Munson, the outcast no one wanted to be around, was so incredibly charming? There's just no other way you can describe him. "I can give you my notes tomorrow, then."
That took him by surprise. He wasn't expecting to be a "tomorrow" between the two of you. He just assumed this would be the very last time you'd ever talk to each other. "Uh, that'd be awesome...thanks– and thanks for all of this. You didn't really have to."
"Oh, don't worry. I'm glad whatever happened wasn't that serious...I hope. But please, make sure–"
"To disinfect the wounds. I know, I know," he interrupted. He wasn't going to show it, but he couldn't get enough of you looking so worried about him. Taking that as the end of the conversation, the two of you walked to the bathroom door. Eddie opened it for you, waiting for you to walk outside before he did.
"See you tomorrow," you said a way to say goodbye. Once again, Eddie was surprised to hear you say that.
"See you tomorrow," he replied, much to his disbelief.
..
You and your group were chatting outside of school by the cars of various guys from the basketball team. School wasn't going to start just yet, so you and your friends decided to hang out there in the meantime.
A few minutes passed before you watched a truck park relatively close to where you were all standing, noticing Eddie getting off the vehicle.
You were glad to notice his wounds were better, though you noticed a bit of bruising that wasn't there yesterday. Still, you almost felt butterflies at the sight of him. He just left such a good impression on you...it was practically impossible not to replay in your your head the conversation the two of you shared yesterday. It lasted just minutes but it was so meaningful at the same time.
He noticed you were there with your friends, and you were disappointed to watch him just walk away without even saying hello. Not like he owe it to you, but you were expecting at least something.
A few of your friends muttered things when they saw him, probably just being mean and making fun of him like they tend to do. You ignored them, excusing yourself to walk up to him.
You noticed he was quite surprised when he noticed you walking next to him. Almost immediately, everyone around the two of you turned to look at the scene. What were you even doing with him? Two of the most opposite people ever were suddenly...friends?
The town you live in is impossibly small, so watching the biggest loser in school managing to befriend the prettiest and most popular girl is school is something almost unthinkable. Everyone were so obsessed with status and the "food chain" inside Hawkins High, they just couldn't believe this was happening.
"How are you feeling?" was the first thing you asked him, ignoring all the staring. You figured this would happen, but you decided not to care.
"Uh, fine," he muttered, visibly confused.
"Is...something wrong?"
"No, no. It's just...well, I didn't think you'd want to talk to me with so many people around," he confessed. The look on his face was both adorable and heart breaking. He just looked lost.
Of course he was happy to see you and to talk to you, especially because it is you the one approaching him. But all the way from his trailer to school, he braced himself to be completely ignored by you all day until maybe you get an opportunity to be alone to talk.
"Why wouldn't I talk to you? I mean, we are sort of...friends, right?" you asked, also looking relatively lost. "I'm sorry, I thought you–"
"No, I'm sorry. I'm just stupid like that," he interrupted. "I thought you would be embarrassed or something. Being around the school's freak and all."
"You need to stop with all of that! Seriously, you put yourself down too much."
It was easier said than done. All he has ever known is putting himself down. He acts all tough and mean, but in reality he can be really insecure– especially when it comes to you. He's always seen as the freak, the stupid guy who can't seem to graduate, the satanic-worshipper because he plays D&D. All he sees is people hating him and putting him down so, eventually, he just started to believe that's all he was. A complete failure.
Noticing he wasn't talking, you put a hand on his shoulder in a comforting manner, which made everyone around you even more shocked. These people were in dying need of a hobby.
"Look, I really like you. I don't care if we get dirty looks all the time or whatever. You're really nice, so I honestly can handle all the staring," you added. "Besides, I still have to hand you my notes from yesterday."
The last part was in hopes to get him to smile, which you actually achieved. You quickly handed him your notes and he gladly took them. "Thanks."
"No problem. Though I feel like I just gave you more reasons to skip class."
"Yeah, now you'll never see me in a classroom ever again."
The comment made you laugh. "Hopefully you don't disappear on me just like that."
You two reached the school's doors and, once again, he made sure to open the door for you. Before he could reply to your last comment, the bell rang, indicating it was time to get to class. "I'll see you later. Uh, maybe we can have lunch together? I mean, if that's okay with you."
"Yeah, sure. I'd like that," he replied, genuinely shocked you were so willing to spend time with him.
You gave him one last smile before walking down the hall to get to your first class. Eddie just stood there, watching you walk away, thinking to himself what the hell is happening.
Since when did he get so lucky?
And from that moment on, he would wonder that every single day. Because with each day that passed, the two of you became very good friends, something no one could fully comprehend. Not even him could wrap his head around it, though you were always there to remind him he is worth your time, and that you genuinely want to be his friend.
It was impossible for him not to adore you even more. Because ever since that day you found him by his locker, you would always defend him from your friends when they decided to pick on him, even when it was evident a guy like Eddie didn't really need much protection from bullies. Because you would always send a smile his way as you mutter a quick "hi", or even stop to have a brief conversation before class if you ever saw him in the hall, not caring if your friends were there to witness that. Because you always offered him your notes whenever he'd skip a class. Because you would agree to try to understand what was D&D all about and, in return, he would sit and watch all the cheerleader routines you had in mind before presenting them to your team.
Eddie was so wrong about you. He thought you were nice, only to find you were much nicer. He thought you were pretty, only to find you are the most beautiful person he has ever met in his life. You are perfect and it's slowly killing him, because right now he couldn't possibly be more in love with you.
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maniacwatchestheworld · 2 months
Text
Man... I just LOVE watching the DPxDC community do their thing. I like them and just want to examine you all under a microscope because I find you all so very interesting! It's just absolutely TRAGIC that I have yet to find any storyline or AU that tickles my specific fancy, personally...
I acknowledge that this is purely a me problem and not a community problem 120%! The stuff that I just enjoy about Batman and Danny Phantom are just not things that the community are interested in as a whole and that's perfectly fine! But it does make me feel like a pure outsider when I wish that I could actually more earnestly engage with the community itself from within. Just... Siiiiiigh! And I just have not been able to think up anything to make the two verses blend together in a way that would be personally satisfying to me specifically!
Have some of my personal winging under the cut! No hate. Just explaining my tastes and yearning.
Absolutely no shade! All the more power to you for writing stories with these tropes and features! But I personally am not particularly interested in batfamily drama, and I see the kids in the batfamily as the children that they used to be in many ways. So stories about the batfamily don't interest me a whole lot, and I'm just not invested in shipping them with anyone (I'm also ace, so I really don't get pretty much anything out of batfamily romance) as a whole. What I like about Batman is that his stories are largely mysteries. I like the atmosphere and I absolutely ADORE the rogues! I like seeing the crimes and Batman clashing with his rogues, and most of all I LOVE the heart-wrenching DRAMA between Bruce and Harvey as Bruce DESPERATELY does everything he possibly can to save his best friend, while Harvey slips further and further into a hell that he wishes that he could climb out of but is just unable to alone! Harvey is just my absolute favorite and the sheer tragedy of his character has a tight grip around my heart that will not let go! Meanwhile with Danny Phantom, what I like about it... Well... I just think that Vlad is neat! There is also a certain tragedy to him as well, but he's also just a pathetic loser which is hilarious to me! Like, so often he comes off as so slick and cool and threatening... But also he's a loser and a goober. I also just love seeing how much of a simp Jack is for him. And I just like how redemption is always just barely in sight for Vlad... He just has to honestly reach out and grab it, but he just isn't willing to right now. Also ghost powers are neat and unique and I enjoy the unique possibilities and aesthetics of it. But sadly for me, these just aren't things that the DPxDC community is interested in. And that's perfectly fine, but it does make me yearn. Like there are interesting parallels to explore between Harvey and Vlad for sure! But I have no idea how to explore them in any interesting ways at all! Also I am just the kind of person who very much dislikes stories about destiny and stuff like that. So AUs like the twin demons or Ghost King!Danny just have absolutely no appeal to me. I'm just not interested in the inevitability that a lot of storytellers in this space have that Danny WILL join the batfamily. Also it feels disappointing to me whenever a writer just doesn't give the DC the credit that they deserve. It feels like people just want Danny to be super ultra overpowered, even more so than the super ultra overpowered characters that DC already has without exploring how these different things interact. Feels like people are more interested in erasing DC canon to make way for their Danny Phantom fanon instead of letting both things be true as is the usual DC way. Again, there's nothing wrong with doing that, but it just leaves me wanting. Also I really don't particularly like nor care about Ra's or Talia as far a rogues go, so only seeing them getting included in these things is just disappointing.
Lays down. Like, I don't want to sound like I'm hating on the community. I honestly am not. I'm just bellyaching because I am in this enclosure and am not receiving good enough stimulation in this space. It just feels like... It's a hot day, and I am REALLY craving some ice cream right now! But this ice cream shop only has 4 flavors and I quite dislike them all. I'm not angry at people for liking these 4 flavors. And this place is just SO CLOSE to being something I like! I enjoy the decor, the location is really nice and convenient for me. But alls I can do in just stare in the window and watch everyone else enjoying themselves while I bake in the sun. I admit that this is purely a me problem and not a community problem but it's just a bummer, y'know? Flops.
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Text
“I think you’ve been holding out on me, Red.”
They’re the first words either of them have spoken in hours, but Keith doesn’t react much. He stays where he is, laying next to Lance on the floor of his room, staring at the ceiling, wasting time.
It’s nice.
“‘M not red anymore. You are.”
Lance hums. He reaches down to entangle his hand with Keith’s, never taking his eyes off the ceiling. Keith smiles.
“Meh. Semantics. Only one of us is an impulsive hothead, and it sure isn’t me, red paladin or no.”
Keith scoffs, cutting a glance to Lance only to find him pointedly looking away, teasing smirk on his face.
“Yeah, right. Which one of us was it to run out into a horde of Empire soldiers and scream distractions at them with shitty Dreamworks references during yesterday’s mission? I can’t remember.”
Lance’s smile grows. “I can’t remember either. Funny, that.”
Shaking his head in fond exasperation, Keith lifts their entwined hands so they’re no longer in between them, but resting on Keith’s chest, for no reason other than he feels like it. Lance doesn’t stop him.
“Funny, indeed. Goober.”
“Anyways, you changed the subject. You’ve been holding out on me.”
“There’s nothing about me that you don’t already know.”
It’s a little more than Keith meant to say. A little raw, a little bit too much of his chest spilling out into the minimal space between them. A little too honest.
“I know.” Lance’s voice is still teasing, but there’s an edge to it. A wordless acknowledgement that he heard what Keith really said. “That’s how I know I’m right.”
“Alright, alright. I’ll bite. How’ve I been holding out on ya?”
Long brown fingers wiggle out of his hold as Lance squirms into a new position, resting on his side with his head propped up on his elbow, in order to give Keith a Proper Look of Admonishment.
“You’ve got a set of pipes, and you never told me!”
As much as he tries, Keith can’t quite stop the corners of his mouth from flicking upwards. It does not escape Lance’s notice, if the flick to his ear is any indication.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“You know damn well what I’m talking about, Kogane, you walking mess. You can sing! And you never told me!”
“I can do no such thing. I sound like if a rotting egg could wail about its condition when I try to sing, believe me.”
He lets an extra amount of Southern twang bleed into his words as he rattles off the stupid idiom he heard his Pa say time after time when he grew up, even though he thinks it makes him sound dumb. Lance pauses, visibly holding back laughter, though, so it did what Keith meant it to.
“Stop trying to distract me,” Lance says, voice shaking. “Oh my God.”
Keith grins wide enough that his canines poke out. He can’t help it.
“Dunno what you’re talkin’ ‘bout. ‘M only talkin’.”
A hand shoots out to cover his mouth, not moving even when Keith bites it none-too-gently.
“Stop,” Lance says sternly, but his eyes dance with mirth. “I’m trying to chew you out and you’re making me laugh. That’s illegal.”
Keith raises his eyebrows, inclining his head.
Speak, then, you loser.
“Thank you.” Lance says primly. “Okay. Back to my point. You’re full of shit, Kogane. I know you can sing. I always thought so, but I heard you singing to yourself last night, when we were finishing the last of the reports. What have you to say in your defense?”
Lance’s hand is still very much pressed to Keith’s mouth. He crosses his eyes looking at it, then looking back up at Lance pointedly.
“If I take off my hand, are you going to answer honestly?”
Keith shrugs. He’s sure Lance can feel his grin.
“You’re insufferable,” Lance laments, but takes his hand away anyway.
Keith mourns the loss of Lance’s skin pressed so closely to his, and then pretends that he doesn’t.
“So what if I can carry a tune?” he says, instead of reaching out to bodily wrap Lance’s limbs around every inch of him, like he so desperately wants to. (But they have a deal. Not yet. One day, Keith will never have to hold back again, and he will never stop touching Lance as long as he lives.
But a deal’s a deal. They have a war to win.
Not yet.)
“Singing’s your thing.”
“Just because I’ve written a song or two –”
“– or forty –”
“– doesn’t mean I have monopoly on the music industry! I want to hear you sing for real, not just under your breath. Please?”
Keith can’t say no to Lance regularly. It’s honestly a problem. (Not that they don’t still argue – they definitely do – but once Lance became aware of the power he held over Keith, he didn’t hesitate to abuse it. He knows all he has to do is smile wide and tilt his head and make it sound like it’s not that big of a deal and boom. Keith folds. Every time.)
But this time, Lance doesn’t stop at a pleading grin and a bit of begging. Oh, no. He opens his already big brown eyes as wide as they’ll go, eyebrows pinched and sad, pupils dilated – how the hell he does that on command Keith will never know – and blinks slowly.
“Please, Keith? One song?”
“Goddamn it – fine, Lance, Jesus. Put those damn things away. Christ.”
Lance has him wrapped around his finger and he knows it, as evidenced in the mischief in his smile and smugness in his cheers. He scrambles to his feet and practically sprints to the other side of the room to get his guitar. By the time he’s back, Keith has pulled himself up and sits upright, back to the wall and legs crossed at the ankle. Lance grins, big and wide and excited, settling down beside him, mirroring his position, except instead of leaning on the wall he’s leaning on Keith. They’re the same height, like this, Lance’s ridiculously long legs no longer giving him an advantage.
“One song,” Lance promises, although Keith doubts he’s being honest. “You have one in mind?”
Keith nods, smile turning a little sad. “Yeah. One my Pa used to sing all the time.” He hums the first few lines, and Lance’s eyebrow raises.
“Really? Your Pa was a Miley fan?”
“How come that’s so surprising?”
Lance shrugs, grinning as he puts the capo on the third fret, adjusting the pots a tad. “Dunno. Just figured your rugged, rootin’-tootin’, horseback-ridin’, cowboy Pa would be blasting Johnny Cash and Willie Nelson. Maybe throwing Dolly Parton in the mix. Miley Cyrus is a bit of a surprise, is all.”
Keith sighs, letting the sadness that always wells up in his chest when he thinks of his Pa run down his veins. Lets it fill him up slowly, run its course.
It used to kill him, that sadness. He used to break his own aching heart into pieces with it, using the jagged edges to defend himself from anyone trying to get too close.
He glances over at Lance, absentmindedly strumming his guitar as he watches Keith attentively. Patiently waiting for him to gather himself, or maybe even just sitting with him in the silence.
He’s become much more fond of his sadness, his jagged pieces. He’s come to know that they’re parts of him, good parts of him, as much as they’re him at his most broken.
“I think this song reminded him of my mom,” he says quietly. “He always had one foot on Earth and one foot wherever she was. She – she took a part of him, I think, when she left. I never knew him before, obviously, but he always looked, to me, as if he was waiting. He taught me the names of the stars before he taught me my own name. I think everything he did ached for her.”
Lance hums. “That sounds like a lonely way to grow up.”
“I think it was. I think I forgive him, though. I think I forgive them both.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
“Good.”
Lance reaches over and squeezes his hand, once, twice, three times in quick succession, and then starts playing. The first few chord progressions play, hesitant and sad, and Keith takes a deep breath, voice cracking as he sings the first few lyrics.
Flowers in hand, waiting for me
Every word in poetry
Won't call me by name, only baby
The more that you give, the less that I need
As he sings, he wonders how much truth his father found in the lyrics. His Pa was never much for pomp and circumstance. He bought what they needed. Did what he could. He cared for Keith, surely, but Keith can’t imagine him waiting with flowers in hand, poems spilling from his lips. Can’t imagine him putting so much sweetness in his words, in his actions.
Everyone says I look happy
When it feels right
Did his mother ever plan to stay? Did she know in her heart that being with Pa was wrong – that Keith’s very existence was wrong – and that’s why she left? Couldn’t bear to stay and watch them grow? Couldn’t bear to live with her mistakes? Was Keith her greatest regret? Was Pa?
I know that you're wrong for me
Gonna wish we never met on the day I leave
I brought you down to your knees
'Cause they say that misery loves company
It's not your fault I ruin everything
And it's not your fault I can't be what you need
Baby, angels like you can't fly down hell with me
I'm everything they said I would be
When Keith was a kid, and he didn’t understand the lyrics, he’d sing along. He knew the song was sad, and that Pa was sad when he sang it, but that was as far as his little mind could reach. He didn’t know how to make his Pa feel better, but he knew that when he sang or hummed along Pa would put a fond hand on his head and keep singing, and he liked his Pa’s voice. When he got older, and the lyrics started to mean things, he grew wary. For a while, he even thought his Pa was the one to leave his mom, but that didn’t make sense. It didn’t line up with the way sometimes Pa would sit for hours by the door. Waiting. But he couldn’t wrap his head around the words – why would you ever do something you knew was wrong for you? That you knew would hurt you?
La-la-la
I'm everything they said I would be
It wasn’t until the fire that the song really started to make Keith afraid. He’d stopped singing by then – no Pa to cheer up – but Pa had sung it so often that it was almost constantly playing in Keith’s head. He started to worry, as he bounced from home to home – was he like his mother? Always the first to leave? Dragging people down to his miserable level? He already knew, by then, that he ruined everything, disappointed people, refused to be who they needed him to be. He couldn’t even pinpoint why he made such a mess of things, only that every time someone asked something of him, a hot bubble of rage would explode up from his stomach and he’d set his jaw and swear to do anything else. He heard what all the adults said about him – he was a menace, a mess, a problem, a demon child. Every muttered curse made him determined to be worse than whatever they gossiped about. He was everything they said he’d be, and he relished in it as much as he wallowed in the pain of it.
I'll put you down slow, love you goodbye
Before you let go, just one more time
Take off your clothes, pretend that it's fine
A little more hurt won't kill you
By the time that he made it to the Garrison, he’d been convinced he was unloveable. Even with Shiro, even with Adam, he’d been sure he was just going to end up a carbon copy of his mother, a faceless ghost who entered people’s lives only to leave, only to ruin them. He was angry and scared but would never admit to it, always prepared to grab his bag and run at the first sign of trouble.
Tonight, mother says, "You don't look happy"
Close your eyes
He falters, startling as Lance’s soft harmony suddenly mixes with his. He shoots Keith a small smile, tapping his foot to the beat, reminding Keith that he’s here, Keith’s not alone, they’re singing this song together, this time.
I know that you're wrong for me
Gonna wish we never met on the day I leave
I brought you down to your knees
'Cause they say that misery loves company
It's not your fault I ruin everything
And it's not your fault I can't be what you need
Baby, angels like you can't fly down hell with me
I'm everything they said I would be
The chorus doesn’t hurt so bad, the second time around. Every painful word is soothed by Lance’s voice, a step lower than his, singing right along. It’s a cooling reminder that Keith is not his mother. He is not his father. He is not a well of misery, dragging others down with him, he doesn’t ruin everything, he’s not a fallen angel. He’s just Keith. He’s rough around the edges and he gets mad easily and he pushes too hard and he often forgets he’s not alone anymore, but he is also good and kind and hardworking and, most of all, part of a family. He has people he loves and who love him, and he will do anything and everything to protect them, even if everything is really hard and the decisions he has to make sometimes break his own heart, and that will never change.
I know that you're wrong for me
Gonna wish we never met on the day I leave
I brought you down to your knees
'Cause they say that misery loves company
It's not your fault I ruin everything (everything)
And it's not your fault I can't be what you need
Baby, angels like you can't fly down hell with me, oh
He used to think that love was a fool’s game. Unattainable. He was so sure he’d end up aloof and uncaring – taking what people gave and needing less every time. So sure he’d grab an angel — someone whose smiles were endless and abundant, who gave every inch of himself for others and still dug around for more, who was self sacrificing, who doubted himself, who flirted and teased and loved with every part of his body and cared so, so much, someone with a roguish smile and playfully manipulative brown eyes – and drag them down to hell with him.
Angels like you can't fly down hell with me
But he forgot, in his fear, that there’s no such thing as angels. He’s not going to tarnish something perfect and untouchable. Perfect doesn’t exist. And his angel – not his, not yet, not while a war rages around them and makes everything hard and complicated and unfair, but the angel he’s waiting for at the end of the line and who’s waiting for him – his angel is just as much of a mess as he is. His angel argues even when he knows he’s wrong because he’d rather die than admit it, his angel runs into problems without half a thought for his own safety because he forgets his worth, his angel stumbles and flirts and causes intergalactic diplomacy crises with a thoughtless wink. His angel is already in hell, with him.
Keith’s everything they said he would be.
But so is Lance.
And as Lance plays the last chords, laying his head on Keith’s shoulder and letting his guitar slump in his lap, as Keith hears his whispered “thank you for indulging me”, as Keith squeezes his hand once, twice, three times in succession, he thinks –
He thinks he’s pretty satisfied with that.
———
part one
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diacripticcomplex · 2 months
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I saw your yandere fic and I was wondering if I could request the same but this time with Shu but like no smut I prefer more blood and gore if that's oks w you. Thanks!
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Shu’s POV:
Sigh...I did not want to be in the game room with all these loud idiots but I was dragged in. I sat back on the chair, I closed my eyes but even with my eyes closed I could envision everything perfectly. It was Subaru's turn, throwing darts, he wasn't too bad at it..if he worked on his form he would've done better, I opened one of my eyes for a brief moment to observe his form..good, that was much better. He got a bullseye in one shot. I close my eyes again. I didn't care much to play or even watch but sometimes I like to observe. "Since we're all here, maybe we should play a game together?" even with my eyes closed I could tell which annoying mouth that came from, Laito of course. "What do you say Ayato?" he asked his even more annoying triplet. "what will I get when I beat all your sorry asses?" he asked with much confidence in his voice, he's so irritating..."The prize will be Little bitch~ You don't mind right Shu?" Laito chirped, he said my name but I didn't really pay attention to what he was saying. I just stared blankly at him. "What? No way, I'm with Shu. I can't be the prize." The prey said, 'I'm with Shu." How hilarious, she's not with me. I haven't even defiled her man eater lower body yet...
"So are you in Shu?" one of them asks me I don't even care to acknowledge who. "No, it's a pain I can do without.." I mumbled. I heard a scoff from Reiji. "I figured you would postulate that sort of statement, he's a good for nothing deadbeat, if you look up the word spineless in a dictionary you would see a picture of him right beside the definition." ouch, Reiji always says such hilariously crude things, regardless I have to show him who's the eldest after all. I get up. "Fine I'll play.." I say. Much to everyone's shock, they're so dramatic it's not that serious, just doing some humbling to my younger siblings. I get in my form, I've always been good at darts...even taught my old human friend how to play..great times. I focused and landed 3 darts into the bullseye. "No way, this bastard actually won??" Ayato whined, Laito awed in amazement. "No fair!" Kanato cried, "Well I guess he is the eldest after all.." Subaru commented. Reiji said nothing, what could he say..? Losers can't talk.
"Shu I'm so glad you won, congra-" she began to say, what a slut..she wanted to be the prize afterall, she wanted me to fight for her, it's rather pathetic but I will make my point clear and instill this into the minds of all my annoying brothers. I grabbed her wrist and turned her, pressing myself up against her back. Of course she began being problematic and moving around so much trying to break free, but I held her firmly, I took one of the darts and held it to her eye. "Make another move and I'll poke your little eye out.." I gently tell her, meaning it. I wouldn't mind gouging out her eyeball and crushing it under my foot..."You were excited to be made the prize for this, weren't you..?" She squirmed and tried to deny it, its honestly pointless. "Shu what are you doing?! Don't engage in such filth down here..!" Reiji nagged, I smirk at all of them. "Hush now, losers can't talk.." I remarked, then glided my tongue on her nape, she was so hot her skin was practically steaming, she was getting turned on by this..? Dirty girl. I won't complain. "No..please let go..!!" she kept panicking, well it was now or never, I bit into her flesh. And it tasted like nothing I have ever tasted before...it was like a hot meal on a cold day, it felt life changing.
I think it was the fear and embarrassment she felt, that's why her blood tasted so good, she definitely wasn't like other prey. I understand now why she was brought to us. Well brought to me. After tasting this blood, I don't think I will be passing her to my brothers, I don't understand why I feel this way..I couldn't care less about any of the sacrificial brides before, but this one...I want to defile her, break her body and suffocate her in a world of pain and despair. I noticed her clenching her silly little rosary. "No ones coming to save you." I whispered in her ear, then teleported us into my room. Her blood is like a drug, I want more and more of it.
This blood was giving me energy to do so many things to this body of hers..I take the knife from my nightstand and press to her cheek. “Take off your clothes” I tell her, “no..! I can’t do that!” She yelled, her disobedient yells were irritating me. I took the knife and sliced her clothes off. She quickly covered herself with her hands, her undergarments looked pathetic, lacked so much sex appeal, you’d think she’d have better undergarments, being the slut she is.. “Please Shu…don’t do this..” she cried, that wasn’t a bad face, I liked her crying face it was contoured with a hidden lust. I slice her chest, lightly and so much blood poured out, I lapped it up. She kept trying to fight me so I took the knife and stabbed right through her wrist and the scream that came with it was delightful, I could listen to her screams all day…she let out her tears and cried uncontrollably at this. “Take it out..! Please it hurts so much..!” She panted out. I rip the knife out her wrist which gave her even more pain but I did what she wanted. I lick the knife, then proceed to drinking the blood from her impaled wound on her wrist. Yea she’s not going anywhere…
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withacapitalp · 1 year
Text
So I wrote a first draft chapter idea for the no upside down au fic idea I had ages ago. Fair warning this is kinda long.....sorry. Also here's the link to the ao3 instead of reading here
Eddie was no stranger to tall tales. 
He practically built his entire school career on tall tales. He was a legend- The ‘Freak’ of Hawkins High, a psycho who was on his third round of senior year with no signs of ever leaving. He was the scary satanic metalhead who sold drugs in the woods behind the school and would happily indoctrinate any lost souls into his cult of the supernatural. 
Eddie was an enigma, and he liked it that way. He liked the stories people told, rumors that were beyond crazy, things he wouldn’t even dream of doing. It was funny. 
But the story that the Freshman kept telling was just ridiculous. 
Eddie liked all four of the boys, he really did. Dustin was a smartass, but the emphasis was on the smart. He had never met someone who thought as quickly as Dustin did, and that made him a great player. Lucas was so open and expressive that he was awesome to have as a part of a Party. He could always be counted on to react in the best ways to any twists or turns Eddie threw into a campaign. Mike was a little brat sometimes, but his strategic expertise was through the roof, and Will was just all around one of the nicest people Eddie had ever met. 
All in all, they were great. Sweet, fiercely loyal, and way too good for a shitty little town like Hawkins. They were definitely going to get out of here and make it big if they managed to live through high school. 
There was just one big fat problem- the boys kept lying about knowing Steve Harrington. 
And not even just knowing him. According to Dustin, Steve was their babysitter. 
Their goddamn Babysitter. 
Well, not really our babysitter anymore. We’re fourteen, we don’t need a sitter. We’re just friends now. Best friends!
Best friends with Steve Harrington. King Steve, the apex predator of the Hawkins High food chain back in his hayday. According to the boys, Steve let them hang out at his house whenever they wanted, gave them rides everywhere, and apparently lived his entire life just to take care of six weird teenagers. The four nerds, Maxine ‘Mad Max’ Mayfield, and some unknown other girl that they were incredibly tight lipped about. 
It would be quite the story if the kids were telling the truth. A legend that rivaled Eddie’s own mythos. 
But they were 100% lying. 
Barring the fact that Max barely even looked at any of them when they passed her in the hallway, and ignoring that Eddie had never even so much as seen a picture of this other girl Elle they kept hinting at, Eddie knew Steve Harrington. They often got lumped in the same stupid kid classes, and he had spent many a class watching the infamous King Steve. 
Never once had Eddie ever seen him so much as look at anyone below his social class. 
His friends would terrorize Eddie and the other losers of the school, but Steve wouldn’t even look at him in the hallway. He was above it all, too good to even deign sparing anyone like Eddie a passing glance. Even when Steve had ditched his jerk friends a year or so back, he had still kept his King status, still stayed on a pedestal. 
He still hadn’t looked at Eddie. 
He didn’t know which one was objectively worse, being beaten on or being ignored, but Eddie did know that Steve refusing to even acknowledge his existence had always pissed him off more than the bruises did. 
There was no way an uppity asshole like that was friends with kids like Dustin Henderson and Will Byers. He knew Steve had stayed in town after graduating for some unknown reason, but there was no way he had stayed to babysit. 
Still, if this lie made the boys feel like they had some sort of cool factor, then it was mostly harmless. Being a freshman was hard, being a weird freshman was even harder. Better to let them have their fantasy and hope with enough time they would get comfortable with who they were and drop it. 
Except that didn’t happen. 
Eddie had bravely put up with the constant Steve talk for over three months. Steve said this, or we did that with Steve this weekend. We should do this on our next turn, Steve would do it (That one always pissed Eddie off the most, because usually they would manage to evade death every time by using that tactic). On and on, like he was their freaking imaginary friend. 
But now Imaginary Steve was making them leave early from Hellfire, and that was a slight Eddie could not put up with.
“I’m sorry, Eddie, but we told you we could only stay until eight this time,” Will apologized for the fourth time as he started to pack up his bag, pointing at the clock and giving the other boys a look to get them up and moving, “Steve has the late shift today, and he’s taking his break to pick us up, so we can’t make him late,”
Eddie pursed his lips and stared down at the carefully crafted board he had painstakingly put together. Here they were. Right at the edge of defeating Kyuss, the Worm that Walks. It was a campaign they had been working on for weeks, a campaign Eddie had been planning for months. They were right at the point of no return, and half of the club was leaving because fake Steve Harrington didn’t want to be patient. 
Enough was enough. 
“Guys, I don’t know why you feel like pretending to know Steve Harrington is earning you points, but it really isn’t. He doesn’t even go here anymore, his name has zero clout,” Eddie growled, completely fed up with having to hear about a boy he had finally gotten rid of. Gareth and Jeff immediately nodded along, also done with having to hear the made up stories. 
“Pretending?” Lucas questioned, sharing a confused look with Will. 
“Dude, we already told you this. Steve’s been watching us for years now. He dated my sister for a bit, but when they broke up he kept babysitting us and the girls. Hopper needed someone to watch El when he was at work, and we were always over anyway, so it just became a thing,” Mike explained in a matter of fact tone, rolling his eyes. 
Oh, Eddie had been told. Eddie had been told plenty. He was just finally calling bullshit. 
Yeah, Steve and Nancy Wheeler had dated, but the entire school knew that relationship had exploded and shattered into a thousand pieces. She had cheated with Jonathan Byers, a fellow freak of the school. It was impressive to watch, and Eddie had taken great satisfaction in finally seeing Steve get knocked down a peg.
Why on Earth would a guy like Steve Harrington keep watching the kid brothers of both her ex and the guy who helped her cheat?
“Richie Rich King Steve needs babysitting money?” Gareth asked sarcastically, derision dripping from every word. 
“He never took any money,” Dustin protested, growing frustrated when he realized that the older boys were serious about not believing them, “He didn’t like being paid for hanging out with us, he said it felt weird.” 
The rest of Hellfire shared haughty looks, unable to help themselves. Now it was getting ridiculous. It was already impossible to believe that Steve Harrington was babysitting, but babysitting for free? 
“Okay, jokes over. Let’s finish the campaign,” Eddie said, giving the boys an out. He knew what it was like to double down when you were afraid of being called out. He put on his best DM voice and perched on his throne, dropping his head low between his shoulders, “Kyuss is waiting to demolish you all,”
“Regardless of whether you believe us or not, we have to go,” Lucas grumbled, crossing his arms. 
Fine, if they wanted to play this game, then Eddie would play. He hated humiliating the kids, but at some point they needed to learn. 
“If you’re telling the truth, then let’s see if Steve shows up. You said he hates waiting, so if he actually is here to drive you, then he’ll come in, right?” Eddie challenged, throwing down the gauntlet. The boys exchanged annoyed eye rolls, but sat back down, letting the silence stand tense and awkward between them all. 
The clock continued to tick along the wall of the drama room.
8:04. 
8:05. 
8:06. 
8:07.
“Look guys,” Eddie finally sighed at 8:08, intending to take mercy on his stupid little sheep, “I know it can be hard coming into high school, but-“
“Hey! Dipshits!”
The whole club turned towards the source of the shouting, and, to Eddie’s complete and utter shock, Steve Harrington came barging in through the door, eyes flashing in anger. 
His hair was longer, and he was wearing a dorky green vest that totally clashed with his preppy clothes, but there was no denying those big brown eyes that Eddie had never managed to capture in his gaze. 
He looked completely ticked off, and the boys scrambled out of their seats, surrounding him and all starting to talk at once, trying to explain what had happened. It was like looking at a pack of puppies with a single lonely wolf surveying them. Steve let them talk over each other for a second more, but the moment he held a hand up, all four immediately went silent. 
Part of Eddie was desperate to learn whatever dark magic Harrington was using to hold the boys still and silent. The rest of him was blanking out. 
“Guys, I might be deaf, but I’m almost 99% sure I was beeping the horn. And I know for a fact I told you that you were supposed to be out by 8:00 sharp,” Steve said with an impatient sigh, his fingers flying as he spoke. 
Eddie watched dumbly as the boys began to respond in kind, their hands moving alongside their fingers. Unlike their usual talking over each other and finishing one another’s sentences, they did a quick back and forth, choosing one person to speak at a time. 
“We were coming out on time, but Eddie and the others didn’t believe us when we said you were giving us a ride home!” Dustin explained with a shout, moving his hands nearly as fast as Steve had. Steve looked around his horde of fourteen year olds, and for the very first time in their lives, he made eye contact with Eddie. 
There they were. Big and brown. Eyes that Eddie had always secretly longed to see, even if it was just so he could properly flip Steve off and make sure he saw it. He had always expected Steve to glare at him, or roll his eyes, but he was just looking at Eddie. Just looking.
Like Eddie was nothing especially interesting or grotesque. Not a legend, not a monster. Just another person Steve had no attachment to. 
It was infuriating. 
“You know, you all might be the smartest people I know, but you can be really fricken stupid sometimes,” Steve said with a shake of his head. Eddie wanted to laugh, because Harrington was a hundred percent right, but he refused to even chuckle on principle. 
“It’s not our fault we had to…to….how do you say prove?” Mike interrupted himself with an angry sigh, throwing his hands up as he did. His movements were a lot slower than Dustin’s, and a bit more clumsy, but he was still trying. 
“Prove,” Steve stated, holding his left palm out and smacking the back of his right hand sharply enough that it bounced back just a bit. All of the boys copied the motion, like the most deranged group of ducklings Eddie had ever seen, “You don’t have to sign, Mike. I’m right next to you,”   
Oh. That’s what they were. Signs. 
They were using sign language. 
Which meant Steve wasn’t joking around when he used the word ‘deaf’. 
Eddie’s brain was exploding. 
“I just messed up one word,” Mike muttered under his breath, throwing his hair over one shoulder and picking his hands back up, once again making movements as he spoke, “We had to prove that we knew you.”
“Well, here’s the proof. I’m already late, so let’s go,” Steve turned to go, and the boys shared a quick glance behind his back. Will caught the arm of Steve’s jacket and waited until the other teen was fully facing him before speaking with stilted slow signs. 
“If you’re already late, then maybe we can have five more minutes?” 
They had chosen well. Will was easily the softest of the four, and Eddie knew firsthand just how dangerous those puppy eyes could be. 
“You’re pushing your luck, Byers,” Steve sighed with a soft grin. It was bizarre. Steve was obviously inordinately fond of Eddie’s little sheep, and all of their stories that he had previously disregarded were now at the forefront of his mind. Steve was acting sweet, gentle, completely not like Eddie had ever seen him. 
He was acting like, well, like their babysitter. 
Or someone who had once been their babysitter, if Dustin was to be believed. 
But it still couldn’t be true. It just couldn’t. Steve Harrington wasn’t that kind of guy, and Eddie needed to be right on that. If he wasn’t, then he didn’t know what he would do. 
“Wouldn’t want to waste the royalty’s time with a freak game, would we?” Eddie called out, purposefully pitching his voice low. The simplest thing to call out here was the weird pretending Steve was deaf. Before tonight he had never even heard a whisper of a rumor that Steve Harrington had any kind of flaw, so if he pulled on that lie, then the rest would fall like a house of cards. 
The boys all startled like they had forgotten he was there, but Steve didn’t react until they turned around to look at Eddie. His eyes were back on Eddie, but not meeting his gaze. Not exactly. 
“Too eager to get back to whatever girl you’re keeping waiting, King Steve?” Eddie continued to keep his voice quieter than normal, everyone but Steve seeming to catch exactly what he was doing. The boys were shooting him warning looks, but he ignored them all in favor of staring Steve down. 
The other boy’s eyes were narrow now, but not in a glare. He looked almost confused, like he was trying to parse out exactly what was going on.
Because he couldn’t fucking understand Eddie if he actually was deaf. 
Because Eddie was being a supreme giant asshole if this was true. 
But Steve Harrington wasn’t deaf, and the act was annoying as shit. If anyone was insulting deaf people right now, it was Steve, not Eddie. There was a tiny smart voice in the back of Eddie’s mind telling him that no one would take a joke this far, but the nasty needling voice right up at the front was overshadowing it, and there was no stopping him now. 
“What? Didn’t catch what I said? I think that this might be the first time you’ve ever bothered to care about what I have to say. Kind of ironic that now the King wants to hear me, and he can’t.”  
The rest of the club exploded into laughter, and Steve’s jaw set in a tight line. Now he was glaring, but there was an underlying hurt there that Eddie hadn’t been expecting. 
All this time acting completely above it all, and he was showing his soft underbelly now? Over a fakeout joke? Eddie scoffed and ignored the way his heart was starting to race at an uncomfortable clip. 
Steve jerked his head towards Dustin, and without any hesitation the boy’s fingers started rapidly moving, clearly translating what Eddie had just said. While they did that, the rest of the boys looked at Eddie with varying amounts of horror. 
“What is the matter with you?!” Lucas demanded, looking like he would love nothing more than to walk over and punch Eddie’s lights out. Will’s eyes were wet and shiny, and Mike looked positively murderous. Steve brought their attention back to him with a soft click of his tongue. 
“No girls today, just not too eager to not lose my job, Munson,” Steve shot back, voice impossibly cold and hands staying loose and limp by his sides. The soft set of his shoulders was gone, replaced by a harsh straight back and guarded expression. He completely ignored the second part of what Eddie said, turning around and striding towards the door, “I’m leaving now, with or without you guys. I only have three minutes left of my break, and Robin is going to be pissy if I’m late.” 
The four teens hurried after him, pausing only briefly to shoot Eddie betrayed hurt-filled glares that took all of the fun out of the joke. The rest of Hellfire continued to chuckling, making snide remarks back and forth between each other, and a pit started to form in Eddie’s gut. A pit he knew well enough. 
Guilt. Shame. The knowledge that he had done something cruel when he didn’t really have to. 
It was an awful feeling and it was completely unfair. Steve and his cronies had spent years making Eddie’s life hell. These were just desserts. It wasn’t even like he had said anything that bad. Even if Steve actually was deaf, which was still up for debate, then this was a fair turnabout for over a decade of mistreatment from Steve and people like Steve. 
Never mind that Steve had never done a thing to Eddie himself. Harrington wasn’t an actual person, just an idea of one. A symbol of the small town jock. 
So why did Eddie feel so fucking bad right now? 
“What the hell just happened,” Eddie muttered, hating the way the guilt was gnawing a deep black hole into his chest. 
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meshlasolus · 2 years
Text
House Of Memories (27/?)
Obi-Wan Kenobi x Padawan!reader
Warnings: literally where do i begin. Don't read this is you are severely prone to depressive episodes, I had one while writing (no joke), do not read if you cannot handle emotional stress or read anything about it...
Summary: Anakin loses at simulation racing... again. The next day you all are headed to a council meeting, when an unexpected mishap takes place.
A/n: I'm literally not okay after this one, you guys may not be either. I know i'm more sensitive than others can be emotionally, but otherwise I find myself pretty strong and this took it out of me....
Words: 5.2k (i cannot)
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"You won't win this time, I bet you," Anakin said, his ship racing as the speed of sound alongside yours, but you weren't trying as hard to beat him as you were just trying to beat the obstacles in the way of you and the finish line. That was the difference between you and him. You were willing to lose but weren't willing to give up until you at least crossed the line. He felt he always had to win, whatever cost necessary.
"I'm not trying to beat you, Anakin, I'm just that good," you joked, maneuvering around the asteroid that was hurdling towards you and letting it hit Anakin's ship behind you. When it all started, he had a steady lead, but his need for victory blinded him, leaving him in your trails as you passed the floating line in that was glowing bright green now. Your winning color.
You opened the hatch on your seat, stepping out and onto the ground as people cheered and exchanged the money from their bets.
Anakin had gotten you into simulation racing in your spare time. Not that you had a lot on spare time on your hands, but it was a good way to help you practice so the council might give you back your piloting registration. You weren't much help to the republic without it, not that they cared.
"You're one heck of a speedster, I'll give you that," you teased him, watching as he rolled his eyes and shoved you lightly on the shoulder to show he was only being playful about his loss. He was usually a sore loser, so you took his simple brush as a compliment of your friendship.
"You fly just like him," he mumbled, but you heard it, your curiosity peaking.
"Just like who?"
He went and handed over both his and your activation cards to the simulation controller, before turning to you and answering shortly.
"Oh, I don't know, maybe the one who taught you how to fly?"
You didn't believe your question warranted this amount of sass, but you let him get away with it, having been that you just won another round of racing with the boy who was known for being a good pilot. A crazy one, for sure, but a good pilot, nonetheless.
"He taught me well," you smiled, walking out of the city gamery and into the night, lit up by the beautiful neon of the Coruscanti underworld.
Anakin had a reason for bringing you here tonight, though he hadn't even approached it yet.
When he and Ahsoka found out that yours and Obi-Wan's feelings for each other were mutual, they had been plotting for the next week. Too bad Ahsoka wasn't on world right now, she probably would have asked you both straight out already. Anakin was a little hesitant to go to his old Master over something so irrational. He knew he couldn't just tell Obi-Wan that his padawan of twelve years was in love with him. He was a man of logic, and would first and foremost ask for proof, which Anakin knew he did not have.
You, however, were the better target of Anakin's prepared conversation topic, being that you were far more optimistic than he was, and you were always willing to listen to what someone had to say before you ruled out anything. Case and point, you always knew that there might be something you don't know, which is probably why you'd become so wise. You acknowledged there was always more to learn, so by doing so, you were far beyond Anakin in your wisdom. He thought he knew everything, all the time. He did know something though, something you didn't. So why was it this hard for him to tell you?
You sat side by side in the speeder, on your way back to the Jedi Temple. He seemed tense, but you figured he was just sick of losing.
"You're mad at me, aren't you?"
He furrowed his brows and shook his head, trying to tell you what he needed to, but it wasn't working very well. Every time he went to open his mouth, he got nervous and stopped. You knew it was going to be a long, silent ride, and you hoped you didn't have to deal with any angry remarks here and there.
"I'm not mad at all," he admitted, and then his demeanor changed. He wanted to ask you something first before he would be able to say anything. "I just have a few questions."
"Well, shoot."
He was sure he could do it, and as he rounded a building, he exhaled a deep breath.
"How do you feel about relationships?" was not the best way to start. He knew you were in the same mindset as he was when it came to the forming of attachments with the jedi.
"Gee, I'm not sure, wasn't I the only one at your wedding?" you sarcastically quipped, deadpanning into the city as he kept flying. You rolled your eyes before he could correct himself.
"You know what I mean, I'm just asking if you yourself would be open to one."
This was an intriguing new development. You pondered who he might be thinking to set you up with.
"Why? Has anyone seemed interest in me?"
"Well, there is an individual who had in confidence expressed their feelings for you to me," he seemed nervous. It must be someone you know, maybe the padawan of Master Plo, a year or two younger than you, tall dark hair, lankier than an antenna. He seemed to ride on your coat tails lately, trying to hang around longer than you were welcoming him to... but then again, he didn't seem to like you that way.
"Whoever it is, tell them I'm not interested," You chided, waiting until the speeder was completely landed in its place before hopping out the side and walking along the pathway.
"I haven't told you who it is, yet."
"Doesn't matter. I've already got my heart set on eternal misery, and believe it or not, I'm rather fond of our arrangement," you told him, holding the elevator door for him while he caught up to you in the speeder lot. Once he was inside and the doors were closed, he sensed in you a sadness that hadn't been there a moment before. Were you thinking about Obi-Wan?
"You don't seem like you're fond of it. If you'd allow me to explain-"
"Nope," you said, shaking your head and stepping off the lift when it opened. You were walking rather fast back to your and Obi-Wan's apartment, and you caught Anakin following you very closely behind.
"But you're missing out on something I know you want," he grabbed your arm, stopping you in your tracks. You turned around and gave him a glare.
"You don't know what I want, Anakin. I can't have what I want."
"It's Obi-Wan, isn't it?" Bingo. That's all he ever originally needed to say, but maybe he shouldn't be saying it so loud and out in the open hallway.
You backed him into the wall and put a hand over his mouth, hoping to shut him up before he exposed you of anything else that you weren't aware he knew of.
"Wanna yell that any louder?" You had a murderous look in your eye, and he stayed incredibly still in fear that you might actually kill him this time. Of course, you wouldn't, but he had never seen you so rageful before. "How did you know?"
You stood back and began to calm down, and though he was still the slightest bit afraid, he combed a hand through his hair and got ready to fess up.
"Look, Ahsoka and I were just trying to-"
"I can't believe she told you. She promised she wouldn't," you were fuming again within seconds, and honestly Anakin was completely giving up on telling you about Obi-Wan. Now his objective was to simply get out of this conversation alive. You were pacing the hall, whispering obscenities into the air, hoping that no one heard you or anything Anakin had said about you. Your apartment was two doors down, and if Obi-Wan sensed something going on, he might come out to check it out.
"If it makes you feel any better-"
"No, Anakin. Don't try and make me feel better," you walked up to him, the sternest look you could wear on your face was ever so present, and he couldn't believe it, but when you raised a pointed finger at him, he flinched. "I need you to promise me this will never be brought up again. Not to me, not to Ahsoka, and not to anyone else in this galaxy."
He nodded, understanding why you were so worried about anyone else finding out. For him and Padme, it was easy, because they had fallen in love alongside each other, able to confess their feelings easily in light of their situations. It was also easier to hide their relationship, because she was a senator, not a Jedi. If they by any chance were in some sort of need to spend time together, all she needed to do was go to the council and ask for a Jedi escort because she felt unsafe without one by her side. They always gave her Anakin, because they knew that trust was an important factor in protection.
It was so different for you, because at literally any moment, if someone told the council about you seemingly having feelings for a certain Jedi master, or vice versa, you'd both be expelled from the Jedi order, never to serve under the galactic senate of the republic ever again. It wasn't a viable option. It definitely was not your preference, and though it pained you to keep it hidden, you'd rather live a life of loving him secretly than being dragged away from him and unable to love him at all.
"I understand, I'm sorry."
He was about to leave, ducking his head down and turning on his heels, ready to forget this moment ever happened, but you stopped him, pulling on his arm and turning him back around to face you one more time.
"I'm not upset with you, Anakin. I'm just upset," you admitted, letting him go now that you'd justified yourself. You loved Anakin, your brother, your best friend. You knew he was only trying to help, but he was just so reckless sometimes. His driving passion to express what he wanted to do often overshadowed any form of common sense the boy had left in his brain. He was intelligent beyond measure, quick in his head and on his feet, but it wasn't always enough, because he wasn't willing to think his options through.
As he disappeared down the hallway, you heaved a sigh, running both hands over your flushed expression. You shook your head and tried to quickly put yourself in a mindset that was appropriate for entering your apartment.
As you opened the door, you saw a hologram projecting some sort of plan in the main room. You walked in, trying to get a closer look, but Obi-Wan sensed your presence, and shut it off immediately. Did he not want to to see it? Strange...
"I didn't know you'd be back so early," he stood from his seat and came over to greet you in the doorway, like he always did. He helped you unwrap from your cloak, hanging it on the wall. He knew something was going on, but he couldn't quite sense what it was. You were blocking it from him, although the proof of your emotion was still being worn on your face, and your body movements. "What's wrong, little one?"
"Anakin."
You said it shortly, dull and without much emotion, but he chuckled just at hearing your answer, and being able to understand it quite well even without context.
"Well then I suppose that answers my next question," he followed you back into the main room and sat down beside you, letting you rest on his shoulder to relieve any stress his former padawan may have caused you. He knew the feeling all too well.
"Which was?"
"How was the race?"
You rolled your eyes and threw your head back on the couch, closing your eyes and hoping you didn't have to open them quite yet. You needed a moment of peace after that fiasco. Really, you needed a moment of peace after any extended amount of time with just Anakin.
"That boy doesn't know how to lose," he remarked, leaning back as you did and laughing a little. Even after all the training Obi-Wan had given him, it still didn't seem like enough. Anakin was his own person, and it was hard to train him into something he wasn't.
"And yet, he seems to lose a lot."
He wrapped an arm around your shoulders, pulling you into him to hold you momentarily. It felt nice to relax with him this way, just you and him, in silence. He stroked up and down your arm a few times, making you feel soothed and calm. You smiled contently, and he caught sight of it, just barely. He leaned in to kiss the side of your head gently, and let his lips linger for just a second longer than he probably should have.
"You should get into bed; we have a meeting to go to tomorrow."
You heaved a breath of annoyance, knowing he was right, but you didn't want to leave his side just yet. He sensed this thought in you, though he didn't transmit it in its entirety.
"You can sleep with me if you'd like," he offered. It wasn't even as much for you as it was for him.
The council had given him a new mission today, and he had been analyzing the plans for it when you came in. He was hesitant to take on the mission, but knew it was vital to the new operation that was being set in motion by the republic. He knew he was capable of completing it properly, that's not where his hesitancy lied. It was with the people around him that would be affected by this plan. He wanted to spend the last night before the mission was to be activated holding you close, making you feel safe, and secure.
"Yes, please."
He kissed your head again, but quickly this time, patting your shoulder and letting you go so you could get up.
"Go on and get settled, I'll be in soon," he said, watching as you got up and left. You seemed tired, and he'd hoped you'd be asleep by the time he was in bed with you. He didn't want you sensing any of his thoughts or feelings about this new operation, because the council wanted it to be kept under wraps for now, off the record completely until it was over. He knew you would worry, and even though you'd be better off knowing, it was requested specifically by the council that you and Anakin were both kept in the dark.
Once he knew you were busy readying yourself for the night, he opened the hologram again, looking at the plans with careful consideration. This was going to be a rough week. Not just for him, but for everyone involved.
-
You awoke the next morning, earlier than sunrise, covered in the warmth of Obi-Wan's many blankets, that he insisted were necessary whenever you slept with him. He knew you got cold easily, and the simple gesture meant barely anything to him, but to you, it was much appreciated. You felt the weight of his arm over you, holding you down, keeping you close, was a welcome one, but you were unable to sit up, or even move easily. You knew he had to be up soon as well, but you didn't want to be the one to disturb his rest. He barely ever slept so deeply, so easily. He was not hard to awaken most days, so seeing him in such a slumber, where every muscle in his body was relaxed was a new occurrence.
You tried hard to maneuver yourself out of his grasp and ended up simply lifting his arm an inch or two above you so that you could carefully roll out from underneath it. You were fairly proud of yourself for moving so stealthily, and almost commended yourself for it... until you fell onto the ground, with a loud thud.
How graceful, the Jedi who had fought a multitude of great enemies, and taken them down with the simplest of moves, and now, she falls off the bed like a clumsy little child.
You heard laughing from where you previously laid on the bed, and sighed, knowing he had probably been awake this whole time.
"Are you alright?"
As always, he took the time to be amused with your mishap before asking if you'd survived it. Not to be dramatic, but if you'd actually hurt yourself, you feel like he still would have chuckled before coming to your aid.
"I'm fine, I was trying to be quiet."
"Good job," he teased, his sarcastic tone filling the air as he sat up and rubbed a hand over his face. You sat up on the floor, looking up at the sweet scene. The soft, pretty light of Coruscant came through his window, lighting his tired features from the back, and creating a beautiful silhouette that you would keep in the archives of your mind as one of the prettiest sights you've ever seen. All of the loveliest atmospheres you could remember always held his presence. "We do need to get going. I need to make sure Anakin and Ahsoka are ready to board when we are."
"It's so early, Obi," you groaned, and he frowned. He didn't want to leave yet. He was dreading the mission ahead, and wanted to stay here with you, in his bed, in all the warmth both you of could provide each other. He wanted to sit and hold you in the soft light of the still dark morning, the city being the only illumination that came upon you. He wanted to press gentle kisses to your smooth skin, over your shoulders, your neck, maybe between your shoulder blades where you'd held a scar from your run in with Dooku. He didn't want to leave this moment because he knew what was coming later in the day, and he dreaded it.
"I know, little one," he gave you a hand up, and you sat back down next to him on the bed, even just for a few seconds more. "But we have to go."
You nodded, looking at his face, which held a soft apologetic smile. Pretty, you thought.
You stood up and headed to your own room, trying to prepare yourself for the day. You were so sluggish this morning, so tired. You hoped you wouldn't fall asleep in the council meeting, because it would only give Mace more motive to yell at you when it was over. You knew Obi-Wan would say something if it got out of hand, but you just wished you didn't have to deal with it in the first place.
You went to the front door when you were finished getting ready, pulling on your cloak and waiting for your Master, who was only a few steps behind you. It wasn't long before he was pulling the hood over your head like he always did, leaving a kiss on the top to seal the small gesture.
There weren't any other Jedi in the halls this early in the morning, not even maintenance droids, so he reached down and gathered your hand up in his. It was a small action of contact, but whenever he did it, just to be close to you, it filled your heart with warmth that spread over your entire body.
Obi-Wan crossed into the hallway he knew Ahsoka was, and to his surprise, both her and Anakin were up and ready to go. He thought he might have to find his old Padawan and drag him out of bed somewhere. Anakin hated early mornings, because he often stayed up late.
"You look tired," Anakin said, bumping elbows with you as you approached.
"Brilliant observation, General," you said sarcastically, and he rolled his eyes. He thought that perhaps he had at least sounded concerned, but from your reaction, he would guess not.
"Are we ready?" Ahsoka chided, trying not to let her eyes fall on your connected hands, which she'd noticed when you first rounded the hallway. Anakin noticed it too, but wouldn't say anything until either of you did. He promised you he would stay out of it. He was not capable of keeping a great many secrets, but for your sake, and his old master's, he would do as he was told.
"Yes, and we need to be on the tarmac as soon as possible," Obi-Wan was in motion soon after the words left his lips, and he was pulling you along with him. The other two came close behind you, following until you were at the elevator.
Once you were all inside, and the air was deathly still, the silence became unbearable.
"Did the council ever inform you on what this meeting was about?" You turned towards your master in hopes of getting a long and detailed response, but he looked back at you with a strangely solemn expression.
"They did not," he let out.
Wonderful. So, you were unaware of the contents of this upcoming meeting, and you had to wait until you got there to find out. You hoped it wouldn't be a long and boring flight.
Stepping out of the elevator and onto the tarmac, you sensed something was off, there was a riff in the force, and echo of something yet to come. You stopped in your tracks for a moment, shaking it off before resuming your steps with everyone else. Obi-Wan had long since let go of your hand, and though his signature was highly in tuned with yours, he was far too caught up in his thoughts to notice your distraction.
The silence broke with Ahsoka and Anakin, although it wasn't exactly easing to you. Your head was suddenly pounding, and you weren't able to decipher what was wrong, but it was in motion, all around you, caving in.
Then it came, the first blaster shot from the top of the building. Another fired after you momentarily, and Obi-Wan pushed you behind him, shoving you to cover where the shots would reach you.
"Any idea where that shot came from?" Obi-Wan called out to Ahsoka and Anakin, who were hiding behind a separate cargo until across from yours.
Ahsoka looked over the crates, seeing a figure on the left building's roof.
"It's a sniper, I can see him up there," she pointed up to the spot of the shots, and you peeked around the crate to see that, yes, there was a full range sniper still firing shots directly at you all.
"Obi-Wan?" you turned to him, hoping he had a plan, he usually did. He was a fast thinker and looked across again at Anakin before answering your call of his name.
"Alright, here's the plan," he paused, thinking it through before shouting the orders confidently. "Anakin, try and flank him on the right. Ahsoka, stay covering the lower streets."
"What about me?" You chided, getting him to look at you. He grabbed your arm, tugging you with him as he stood to his feet.
"We're going after him."
You nodded, waiting for the opportune moment, before you all dispersed into the chase. Obi-Wan jumped straight for the climb, and you used your running momentum to hop your way to the roof of the building, letting Obi-Wan take the lead, but staying right beside him incase anything happened.
You had your eyes on the target, and were running straight for him, but you stopped at the ledge of the other side of the roof, backing into cover when the shots kept firing in your direction.
Obi-Wan stayed right beside you, grabbing your hand and squeezing it tightly. He was never so affectionate with you in situations like this. The coddling was always saved for after the mission was complete. Why was he being so physical in his interaction with you just now?
"I'm going right," he said, nodding behind him, readying his saber in his hand.
"I'll go left, we can squeeze him out."
You let go of his hand, reaching for your own saber and holding it in a ready position. It was key to keep it close, but not to ignite it until it was absolutely necessary. The fog would light up and instantly give you away.
You spotted the sniper on the roof across from you, and you were about to take your leap, but his shot going through the air stopped you. Everything slowed in front of you, and you realized where you were standing, and you realized where Obi-Wan was standing. Like lightning, the scene resumed, and you watched as your master took the hit, straight to the chest, knocking him backwards off the roof.
"Obi," you didn't care about the sniper anymore, you just wanted to get to Obi-Wan. You ran and jumped off the roof, rolling into the ground when you hit it.
The commotion from the area drew Anakin's attention from the other roof side, and he yelled after his friend.
"Obi-Wan?"
Ahsoka ran up to meet you, looking at Anakin and giving him the signal to keep going. He couldn't let the sniper get away.
"We got him, go!" Her shout of encouragement was enough for him to take off. To cross the roof and run in his general direction. He was hot on the sniper's heels.
You knelt down on the ground by Obi-Wan, ignoring the blood dripping down your face and arm from when you hit the ground, rolling onto your side.
"Obi?" you spoke softly, rolling him over and taking him onto your arms. He was okay, he had to be okay. So then why couldn't you sense his presence? "Obi, please wake up."
You checked him for a pulse and found none. Tried to sense his breathing pattern you learned so well, but it was not there. His vitals had completely tanked. His heart stopped; the air was no longer entering his lungs.
"Obi, don't do this, please I need you," you held his face with one hand, the sight of his eyes closed, mouth barely open, lips only parted slightly, not for air to come through. The tears that had filled your eyes moments ago were pouring over in droves. You couldn't believe this, you wouldn't. He couldn't be gone, not while you were still so close and holding onto him like this. "It can’t end like this, please… You promised me."
Ahsoka put a hand on your shoulder, but you weren't able to focus on anything but the man you held, lifeless in your arms.
"I can't do this, Obi please," you cried, and you cried some more, but no matter how hard you cried, the tears could not fix what had been broken. He was gone, the remnants of him laying on you, his beauty that remained. "Don’t leave me, please don’t leave me."
You ducked your head in defeat, he was limp as you pulled him closer to you, your tears landing on his cheeks as if they were his own. You held him so tightly, you couldn't let him go. He promised you he would protect you, he promised. You wanted so badly to tap into the force, to use the darkness that flowed through your body to bring down the building before you, to use anything you could as an outlet for your pain and suffering.
You were uncontrollable at this point, unable to stop, or even stall the tears that simply kept coming. You didn't want to. You wanted to feel every part of this grief, every aspect of pain, because you'd lost the one person you swore meant the most to you in this galaxy, and it was your fault. You hesitated to take out the sniper, and now you dearly beloved Master was dead.
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," you tucked your face into his neck, still emanating his scent. It wasn't comforting like it normally was. It just hurt worse. It was an after effect, left over, but soon to be gone with the rest of him.
"It's not your fault," Ahsoka said from above you, and when you looked up, you saw the tears in her eyes, begging to spill over, too.
"How is he?" Anakin had run back to your both, and upon seeing the looks on your faces, his dropped immediately. "Obi-Wan?"
He dropped to his knees beside you, placing a hand on his friend's chest, but with no reaction, he became panicked.
"Obi-Wan!"
The people who had gathered around, the ones who saw the whole thing, were in absolute shock. Everyone who lived on Coruscant knew who the great Jedi Obi-Wan Kenobi was. Now they knew he was dead, gone from this world, but still in your arms.
It was cruel that death should take someone from you but leave their body. The vessel in which they lived their lives, in which they made others happy, in which they caused others to fall so deeply in love with them that it hurt.
You heard the sirens of the medical speeders coming towards you, but you couldn't bring yourself to move for them.
They opened the back of one, bringing out a stretcher to put him on, but you refused to let go of him.
Anakin saw that they were trying to help, but you were blocking them. He gently wrapped his arms around you, pulling you away from the body of the man you loved, and you screamed, unable to part with it, for while he was gone, you didn't want to feel like you were alone, and now you did. You let go of him, and they were taking him away. You reached out, but they kept going, and Anakin held you still, trying to calm you, holding you gently and keeping you close to him.
He was just as much of an emotional wreck, but he needed to show some semblance of control, for your sake, and for Ahsoka.
You curled into him on instinct, gripping his arm and forming a cocoon around it. You'd completely and totally lost it. Your mind was in shambles, and you couldn't bring yourself to do anything about it. In fact, you let it happen, you sat and cried, and let the emptiness engulf you in a way it never had before. The darkness that was within you, the flow of it that you always feared, was beginning to take control. It made you angry, and the devastation grew worse with each minute Obi-Wan was gone from you. He was your light, the one thing in this galaxy that could keep you on the steady path. Without him your turn to the dark side would be inevitable. It was only a matter of time.
Time of grief, pain, and pure suffering.
-
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lydiaas · 1 year
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sorry for the stupid question but what do u mean all the things he throws a kie in 3x04 came from his dad? what am i missing? whats the connection between these 2 scenes in the gifset? 👀
No stupid questions about my tags because they are often nonsensical, one single braincell bouncing around up there. You're talking about my tags on this gifset?
So much of the way JJ reacts to Kie getting close to him in 3x04 is down to the damage done to him by his dad. I suppose my tags weren't just talking about that scene in 2x08 specifically but also considering all the other scenes we see with Luke where he makes JJ feel worthless. But what I love about that parallel between 3x04 and 2x08 is that it shows how defeatist JJ is about his own life, ("it'll all work out" "no it's not, but maybe in the next life".) and then how that manifests with Kie ("it would all blow up anyway"). You could also draw a line between the way JJ is once again being left behind by someone who is supposed to love him. He can't start anything with Kie because she will eventually leave, just like everyone else.
When he says in 2x08 "I hadn't exactly been perfect either" (as though there is any way he could have acted to prevent from being abused) and then in 3x04 "I'm just some loser" it drives home again how low of an opinion he has of himself. Incapable of seeing that he is a victim, that he doesn't have to be perfect to be worthy of unconditional love and care. That the way he see's himself is not how others do.
And of course, the way his mask just breaks in both of those scenes. Both times he lets his wall down just a little bit rather than repressing everything. It is as though he is breaking under the weight of being given affection he so desperately craves. Luke is a piece of shit, always will be, but in that moment he gives JJ something he probably wanted his whole life. A dad that acknowledges his own failures (barely) and tells him everything is going to be okay. A dad who holds him without hurting him. And in 3x04 Kie doesn't let him off the hook and demands to be heard. For just a second, he succumbs to the idea that the people he loves care about him as much as he does them. That she could love him completely. Eventually the wall goes back up but for that 2-3 seconds he is so vulnerable.
I'm sure Sabrina (@brizzlovesyou) and Laura (@erinchristmaselvis) have their thoughts on this since those two menaces are the ones who brought that gifset into existence.
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bigskydreaming · 7 months
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Jason, randomly, out of nowhere, without warning: Hah, I'm taller than you now. LMAO. Loser.
Dick, who knows perfectly well that height has absolutely nothing to do with self worth and also that he's supposed to be above being blatantly baited by his little brother, who is obviously the REAL loser, and needs to be reminded of that fact which so doesn't count as actually being baited: Please. You're only that tall now because you got revived in a magical pit of green ooze that optimized your growth when bringing you back from the dead which is CHEATING, and thus doesn't count. Loser.
Jason: Really? Me dying and being dunked in a magical pit of green ooze to undo the physical trauma of my MURDER and also the years of malnutrition that led to my growth previously NOT being optimized is 'cheating?'
Dick: I regretted it as soon as I said it but I can not afford to set the precedent that I made a misstep in the minefield that is our fraught sibling relationship. I have no choice but to double down. The only way this ends well is if you choose to let it slide and gracefully accept a subject change. I'll even let you pick. As long as its understood that me letting you pick is not an admission of wrongdoing on my part, its just me being Awesome and you're welcome.
Jason: First off, I have never let anything slide gracefully a day in my life and I'm damn sure not about to start NOW, when you were being an ASS....
Dick: Oh biiiiig surprise, little brother can talk a big talk about being the bigger man, but god forbid someone give him the opportunity to back it up.....
Jason: Not my fault if you're feeling particularly SMALL at the moment, pun absolutely intended. Since its not like you have a monopoly on those no matter HOW much you've tried to act like you do over the years....
Dick: Hey, I've never claimed to have a monopoly on puns. I just said I find it INTERESTING that you were totally cool with using the name, costume and SIGNATURE BRAND OF HUMOR I DELIBERATELY SPENT YEARS CULTIVATING AS A LITERAL SIGNATURE BRAND all while insisting that noooooo, no need to CREDIT your older brother who quite literally paved the way with all of that and gave you his express PERMISSION to adopt it all as your own, hahaha, who actually gives credit where credit's due, that would be so weird right....
Jason: Tell you what, since you're sooooo sore about not being properly credited for your work why don't you go ahead and figure out a royalty rate for all the times I used YOUR intellectual vigilante property or what the fuck ever, and I will PAY you to never bring it up again.....
Dick: I would LOVE that, actually. I think it would be a great way to acknowledge MY trailblazing hard work, but I think we both know you'd literally just make a show of stealing the money from Bruce to make some kind of statement about how beneath you all this is which KINDA DEFEATS THE POINT of acknowledging or crediting someone's work as WORTH something, so -
Their siblings, who have been standing right there the whole time, and who are all Very Tired, and literally just wanted to know if their older brothers wanted to go to Bat-Burger with them and are now regretting everything, why does this always happen and why don't any of them know better by now: Is it done? Is it over? Can you stop? Ever?
Dick and Jason, simultaneously swiveling in instant older sibling solidarity: Wow. So impatient. So entitled. So demanding. Why, in OUR day, we'd be LUCKY to be granted even ten minutes between patrol and bedtime, to scarf down an Alfred-Approved Healthy Snack, but its not enough that Bruce lets you run around Gotham stuffing your faces with fast food at any hour of the night, noooooooo, its gotta happen RIGHT NOW, like THIS INSTANT, how dare anyone make you wait five whole minutes to get whatever you want.....
Tim: I honestly can't tell if I hate it more when they're just being obnoxious at each other & we're stuck bearing witness or when they combine their powers of obnoxious and aim it at us.
Cass, gravely: There are no winners here.
Damian: And Father doesn't get why I wish I was an only child.
Duke, wistfully: I took being an only child for granted.
Stephanie, with popcorn: None of you appreciate good theater.
Bruce, from somewhere offscreen, even miles away: My parents died because of the theater, STEPHANIE.
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