#and highlighting the emotional estrangement that is to come

[communistkenobi]

Now that Succession is over I’ve been reflecting more and more on the fandom that sprung up around it. When I made this post I had Succession in mind, but it was too large of a sidebar to get into, so now I’m making a separate post.

And before I get into anything, both in anticipation of being yelled at and so I don’t have to constantly inserts caveats into every paragraph: this is not a universal or comprehensive description of how people interact with Succession in a fandom setting online, but rather my experience with it on tumblr and the experience of watching my friends interact with it. Additionally, this diagnosis of a narrow slice of the Succession fandom is not a moral or intellectual damnation of anyone who ships characters or whatever. I am talking to myself publicly on my own blog and this post is a sequel to the post I linked at the top, and so the primary focus of this is going to be about the “methods problem” within fandom that I outlined in that original post. If anything, this is an invitation to reflect on your own experiences and extend/adapt/critique the arguments I’m about to make to your own contexts, not a condemnation of those experiences and contexts. If you feel the urge to say things like “you’re trying to censor me” or “let people have fun” I would rather you not do that because I’ve heard those things hundreds of times already and those complaints are deeply uninteresting. anyway

I think one of Succession’s strengths as a show is that it is a drama about a modern corporate empire that is shown entirely through the eyes of the individual Roy family members. There is a particular, deliberate clash between the intensely intimate drama of Shiv and Tom’s marriage, Kendall’s addiction issues and estrangement from his family, Roman’s sexual and romantic problems, Connor’s loneliness manifesting in him “buying a girlfriend,” and the fact that they are wealthy beyond comprehension. They are so far above material need that the only arena of conflict is their personal lives. This comes to a head in S4, when their father dies and their family drama becomes the primary battleground over who will take the throne. Yes, they are fighting over acquisition deals and legal issues surrounding their father’s company, this is the “material” component that has a direct influence on their wealth, but that is still secondary to their conflict as a family. Kendall and Roman deliberately attempt to sabotage the sale of Waystar, both because of their personal desire to “be the boss” and the constantly-cited desire to “do what our father wanted.” Their primary concerns are always either an attempt to appease their dead dad or their desire to replace him with themselves.

This is the most intensified form of bourgeois interiority in fiction - all material concerns are made invisible, shoved to the side to focus solely on individual emotions and relationships, because the Roys are part of the ruling class. Their material needs will never be part of their problems. The individual landscapes of their emotions, desires, and traumas are the only real site of conflict. The army of servants and underlings beneath them, the public that is only ever at the periphery, are part of the massive social, political and financial scaffolding that allows them the time and freedom to act out these hyper-intense psychodramas with their lovers, friends and family. The character-centric focus of the show is itself a commentary on their wealth - they don’t have to work, they don’t have to worry about money, they don’t even have to interact with public infrastructure, and so they are free to focus entirely on interpersonal turmoil and pleasure. This intense, indulgent look into their personal lives is predicated on their wealth, and highlights how ridiculous and out of touch they are. This is an integral part of how the deeply uncomfortable, second-hand-embarrassment tone of the show is maintained.

But this nuance doesn’t get translated into fandom - or is only translated haphazardly - which is likewise deeply character-centric. As a fan of the show for many years I have largely avoided the Succession “fandom” because of its intense focus on shipping and rooting for your favourite characters to win. This is how you end up with people deeply invested in Roman’s character, running cover and damage control for him as he becomes increasingly openly racist, misogynistic and fascistic as the show goes on. In particular, the way that misogyny in fandom intersects with this character-centric method of engagement is that a lot of apologetic discourse about Shiv is reactive, excusing or rationalising her behaviour to an online crowd who finds fault with her behaviour not because she’s wealthy but because she’s a woman. It’s how you end up watching people online defend the actions of a fictional billionaire girlboss, because the dominant mode of discourse in fandom is focused so heavily on the actions of individual characters that said actions become free-floating, divorced from their context. Shiv is not being defended on the ground of her wealth and power (or not always, lol), nor even really being defended from the fact that those things make her an objectively horrible person, but that popular fandom perception of her boils down to “man what a huge bitch.” It’s not that (necessarily) people want to log onto tumblr to apologise for liking a fictional billionaire - although again, that does happen - it’s that fandom misogyny is so individualistic that Shiv’s actions are always discussed at the lowest rung possible, commonly expressed as “she’s a bitch” or “she’s being unreasonable”, and so that is the discursive arena that discussion about this character remains in, never moving beyond the individual. It reminds me of the backlash against Skylar from Breaking Bad - it was impossible to talk about anything else about her character aside from explaining why she’s not the devil incarnate. Yes there are also unironic fans who love the fact that Shiv is a vaguely progressive rich white woman, those people absolutely exist, but even when you want to approach the show from outside of that uncritical angle, I think you oftentimes get painted into this narrow discursive corner anyway because of how stupid fandom discussion tend to be.

And yes it’s all fictional, it’s not real, and people “blorbofying” a Roy sibling or shipping Kendall and Stewy together are not remotely good indicators of their beliefs about the ruling class in real life. I am not making claims about anyone’s beliefs or political convictions because they enjoy a show about billionaires. I also enjoy the show. But the rhetoric of fandom is so intensely individualistic that “shipping” characters in a show like Succession is seen as a regular thing to do. The easiest way to tell if you’re in a “fandom” on tumblr is to see if people are writing ship fic or drawing shipping fanart. I enjoy Succession a lot and talk about it with friends, but I am not “in the Succession fandom.”

And at least with the people I follow who do engage in Succession “fandom,” there is an intense self-irony on display - people making fancam edits of Gerri, someone who is general counsel to a fictional version of Fox News, or AMVs of Stewy, a hot ruthless venture capitalist. It’s funny precisely because of the dissonance between the use of fandom aesthetic forms (ie fancams) and the subject being fandomised. Embedded into these behaviours is an ironic self-distance, a performance of fandom with a wink to the audience that you don’t actually believe in this, that this is a self-ironic indulgence, a way of articulating sympathy for these fictional characters while maintaining the air of being in-the-know, being a good person who gets what the show is “really” about. And I enjoy that! Those posts rule lol. If anything I am in the meta-fandom, I stay on the periphery with friends to enjoy posts about how stressful shareholder meetings are, to celebrate the tomshiv scorpionmarriage win, to know what the phrase tomstar gregco endgame means.

But that self-irony is only possible to express because of the fact that “doing fandom stuff” with Succession necessarily involves an intense and constant form of apologetics for your favourite character or relationship - it is this assumed, unstated default that this self-irony is engaging with. If you were just talking about the plot of the show or its themes, if you disavowed any desire to ship characters together, if you never got into arguments with people about which Roy sibling “deserves” to be CEO, you would hardly be doing “fandom,” or at least you would be doing it in a fundamentally different way, and crucially you wouldn’t need to be employing that self-ironic tone of “alright now we all know billionaires are bad. But isn’t Roman such a cute little baby? Don’t you just want to hug him?”

I remember a popular sentiment being expressed around when Succession first got popular online, saying that Succession pioneered new ways for people to talk about their favourite characters on the internet. “He’s my Disney Princess” “I want to put him in a Pringles can and shake him” “she is a bug I need to study under a microscope” and so on. And I think this is partially a result of 1) absurdist internet humour in general, 2) a memetic mirroring of the show’s brand of humour specifically, and 3) people’s general political instincts running up against fandom engagement, the desire to engage with Succession as a fandom-text without experiencing intense cognitive dissonance, producing ways of expressing love and enjoyment for characters that are fundamentally, irredeemably bad people, people who are direct reflections of and parallels to the ruling class of modern America. It doesn’t even give you the benefit of historical distance the way a medieval fantasy would, where it’s easier to “stan” a king because it’s taken for granted that everyone here doesn’t support hereditary monarchy. Succession is a direct, immediate commentary on contemporary American life in a way that is impossible to ignore, and so to engage with it on fandom grounds requires a certain kind of additional effort, a way of simultaneously performing your real-world beliefs while also letting loose. I know Succession is not the first show to be like this, nor is it the only thing that has impacted the way fandom operates online, but it has enjoyed a five-year popularity whose digital omnipresence has reached far beyond its immediate audience. Most people on twitter remotely engaged in fandom have seen a Kendall Roy fan edit, for example.

So, all this to say: even when it feels like a text is deliberately choosing a character-centric focus to comment on its themes and structures, I think what happens is that this character-centric lens becomes easily and instantly adopted by fandom, but the commentary gets left behind. Which is again what I meant in that original post I linked at the top - character-centric lenses are not inherently bad, or inferior, or lesser to other lenses, but that fandom only ever engages in a very narrow and particular type of character-centrism, a lens that is so adaptable that you can easily import shipping discourse and “x-character-did-nothing-wrong” style apologetics into a show like Succession. If you engage with Succession primarily as a vector to ship characters together, or to “pick your favourite character,” I think you are falling into this fandom mode. Which I’m not saying is inherently bad, I have also done this with Succession by calling myself a romangirl or whatever, I’m just trying to articulate the whiplash I sometimes get when watching prestige drama television about billionaires being murderers and sex pests and fascists and then going online and seeing hundreds of people expressing a desire to wrap Roman Roy in a little blanket. A lot of people are engaging with the show’s themes and also doing this “fandom” thing with it, so you don’t have to choose one or the other, nor am I saying that there are necessarily “low” and “high” classes of artistic interpretation that people permanently slot themselves into, but I do think these modes of engagement are at some level mutually exclusive, because they require the adoption of fundamentally different interpretive lenses when approaching a text

#succ.txt #fandom discussion

[rebeccalouisaferguson]

SILO Review Round Up 

“By far the highlight is the ensemble playing the Silo populous, including Shane McRae, Iain Glen, and Harriet Walter, with Rebecca Ferguson helming the show with the determination of Lady Jessica but the gaslighting skills of Bennett Marco in The Manchurian Candidate.” x

“ ...the heart of the story lies with Rebecca Ferguson's Juliette on her quest for truth...Ferguson, who also served as executive producer, is pitch-perfect as Juliette.” x

“...none of this would be anywhere near as impactful without Ferguson leading the way. There are a whole host of other power players we come to know, but it is her performance that provides the emotional core...

"Ferguson proves that she is always more than up to the task. The performance is not one that is flashy, but that actually makes it all the more memorable. While there are villainous characters we come to know that can end up a bit cartoonish, she brings an understated gravitas which serves as the grounding force the show needs. With all the rituals and rules that Silo can get caught up in, it is she who gives it a greater humanity. Even just a calm yet defiant stare she gives in one of the most striking scenes cuts deep when it counts.” x

“Rebecca Ferguson, whose performance is one of brittle strength that masks quiet hopelessness, is at her best when engaging with talented, committed scene partners like Harriet Walter (who plays her agoraphobic mentor), Tim Robbins (an eccentric intellectual), and Sophie Thompson (an enigmatic fertility specialist)”  x

“Ferguson brings just the right level of sharp-eyed intensity required — as if parachuted in from a Scandi noir, sans knitwear.” x

“Ferguson was smart to get attached to “Silo” because she’s incredible in this role. That might not be surprising to fans of her work as she’s put together quite the portfolio with her work in “Mission: Impossible,” “Doctor Sleep,” and “Dune.” But as Juliette, she gets to play a woman who has the physical strength to face the steep challenges in front of her, as well as the willpower to see her convictions to the finish. There’s a lot asked of her regarding the physicality of the role as she battles her way up the many floors of the silo. There’s also her emotional side as her relationship with her estranged father” x

“Rebecca Ferguson's performance in Silo is sure to have her phone ringing off the hook in the coming months.” x

“It obviously helps having someone like Rebecca Ferguson as your main character, but she’s also given a lot to work with. Juliette’s introduction tells you everything you need to know about her right away to get you invested in her story, but the script still makes her a complex character as we learn more about her...” x

“The rest does one Rebecca Ferguson absolutely in part, capable of endowing Juliette’s character with an almost repelling emotional ferocity. The Scandinavian-born actress works beautifully in developing a body language and a type of acting capable of explaining the inner life of the character, a female figure that is anything but obvious. The inner wounds of the woman are represented by the abrupt shots, by the angry, from words let out even just by gnashing your teeth. We are light years away from the elegant and charismatic performances through which we have come to appreciate Ferguson: in Silo she offers us a new range of her possibilities as an interpreter, confirming an admirable versatility.”x

“Ferguson is brilliant in her role...x

“Led by a gutsy, complex performance from Rebecca Ferguson (Dune), this mystery unfolds at a steady pace, with some shocking revelations teased along the way.” x

“I loved Rebecca Ferguson in this show. And you can feel the passion she has for this project, as star and executive producer…” x

“Ferguson puts on a brilliant performance...”x

#rebecca ferguson #silo #hugh howey #scifiseries #scifi #apple tv series #apple tv plus #wool #tv

[denimbex1986]

'When the losses and grief of the past are too great, the present becomes populated by ghosts, those ghosts that you call to yourself in your memory and then can't get rid of. “All of us Strangers” is a tale of ghosts and suffering, a great inspection of modern man and his way of mourning.

And it is one of the most tender love stories in modern cinema. The fact that it is the affection between two men that is illustrated here in a subtle, at times reverent way is important and also not. Being gay is a significant but not the only theme in the Andrew Haigh-directed film. With Adam (Andrew Scott) and Harry (Paul Mescal), the two lovers, it becomes clear what a challenge intimacy, understood as mutual recognition and acceptance, means - beyond sexual orientation.

Meeting the dead parents

The two men are neighbors, both residents of an anonymous high-rise apartment building in London. Harry makes very direct advances to Adam. At the beginning it's just a flirt, you spend a night together. Adam is a screenwriter, working on a script about his own story, his youth in the eighties. He regularly drives out to the suburbs to his parents' house. There he miraculously meets his parents, who died in a car accident when he was twelve years old. Adam's puberty, his queerness, his life as an author - his parents missed all of this.

Who is this couple, played by Jamie Bell and Claire Foy, who live as if the eighties never passed? Are they projections of the son, on whom the unresolved grief is playing mental tricks? Are they ghosts, stranded in an intermediate realm of nostalgia? Are they actors in Adam's script scenario, which takes shape in concrete reality, just as an artist's imagination can become real, as concretizations of a poetic higher truth?

The puzzle is not solved. This is the film's outstanding aesthetic achievement: despite all its openness to interpretations and readings, it shows something very directly, namely what grief is like. That the injuries, the missed opportunities, the unspoken insults of yesterday help shape our today.

Catch-up coming out

Adam visits his parents three times, who now get to know their son as an adult. They didn't know he was gay, and his coming out is the cause of many touching, painful moments. “Aren’t people being mean to you today?” asks the mother, whose world is that of the Thatcher era. “No, things are different today,” says the son with a mixture of indulgence and amusement. “They say it’s a lonely life,” worries the mother. “If I’m lonely, it’s not because I’m gay,” Adam replies.

Andrew Scott plays this man in his mid-thirties as a self-confident man who is at the same time hurt by loss and loneliness. The longing for closeness and comfort from parents is covered with a fine veneer of disappointment. His polite way of tutoring his father and mother about life in the 21st century is mixed with defiance and resentment.

The conversation with the father, who suspected that his son was gay - "you were pretty tough as a child" - but didn't stand by him and forced the boy to perform rituals of masculinity (sitting with his legs apart, playing football) is one of them moving highlights of the film. Because the father regrets his lack of sensitivity and solidarity, and in turn longs for closeness to his beloved, but always estranged, son. Rarely has one seen the high moral and emotional demands that a serious reparation must achieve illustrated in such a way in a film.

Parallel to the journey through time and memory, Adam and Harry get closer to each other in the present - although present is a questionable term in this narrative that weaves the levels of time and imagination together. Harry, for his part, is hurt: by the averageness of his family, which, in its bourgeois saturation, has to repress and marginalize the queer. Harry seems lost, one wandering through nightclubs and casual romances. Adam's affection could be an anchor in this life weighed down by self-doubt and fear.

Virtuoso camera work

In his brilliant portrayal, Paul Mescal shows us the breaking points of modern manhood. How difficult it is to appear cool and at the same time remain sensitive, casual and yet serious and authoritative in personal matters. Jamie D. Ramsay's camera work is masterfully tailored to this differentiated game: primarily in close-ups, he literally brings us closer to the characters and captures their ambivalent nature in precise images.

“I know how easy it is to stop taking care of yourself,” Harry says at one point. This describes a burden that burdens every fragile, fundamentally damaged person: the effort to lead a middle-class, conventionally successful life. The encounters of today and the connections of yesterday: Both represent social, mental and psychological challenges. In order for the present to succeed, the past must, if not cleaned up, then at least be recognized and accepted in its formative effects. “All of us strangers” demands this project from its heroes and us, the audience. And this impertinence is cinematic bliss.'

#Andrew Haigh #Andrew Scott #Paul Mescal #Claire Foy #Jamie Bell #All of Us Strangers

[deepseawriting]

Cinder Update - 2

: ̗̀➛ Current Rating: 8/10

: ̗̀➛ Page Count: 191/389

: ̗̀➛ Chapter: Twenty-One (21)

[MINOR SPOILERS AHEAD]

Cinder sneaking out was insane! Her stepmom's reaction was also so enraging, like your daughter JUSt came home after you thought she had a deadly disease, and it turns out she's alive and well and you treat her like trash. It also makes sense though, considering she sold her and all... still, I don't like the mom, point blank period. I feel like no one does though, it's kind of the point of her being the evil stepmom.

Next highlight, them starting to fix up the gas car?? That is going to be so cool, I can't wait to see what sort of shenanigans are going to ensue with that when they fix it up. Her going to see Peony though?? Heartbreaking. Devastating. Emotional Damage 100. That was just such a brutal scene, especially when Peony asked Cinder to not let her die. If this book doesn't end with her being cured and Peony getting to go to the ball, trust I will riot (lovingly).

AHHHHHH Prince Kai saying she's pretty, and kissing her hand, AND asking her to the ball? This man is down bad, let me tell you. I don't care what anyone says, he so wants her. And Cinder is definitely crushing on him too, it's sad though that she said no to him, hopefully she'll change her mind, but I get why she said no. She's a cyborg, and despite how actually awesome that is, I get that there is a stigma against them in society.

Queen Levana is crazy btw. Immediately coming to the kingdom after the emperor died is WILD. I understand her motive, but lady, chill out. You should not be thirsting after a young adult who was freshly dubbed emperor. Like, excuse me?? I also know it's just to get more power, but still.... ew. The way they described her mind control though was crazy cool. The fact that she can just have people basically go insane for her is so insane.

CINDER IS A LUNAR?????? It makes sense now that its revealed, but huh??? I wonder if she was that estranged daughter that Levana casted off, or if maybe she's like the child of that daughter? It would be crazy, but also make sense. Learning that Levana pulled a Prince of Egypt though and called for a massacre of the shells is wild on so many levels too. Ugh, this book is so good, I can't wait to read the next few chapters.

#novel #book review #books #cinder #fiction #marissa meyer #prince kai #emperor kai #the lunar chronicles #queen levana #cinder linh #fantasy #scifi #fairy tales #fairy tale retelling

[novelswithariana]

🌸 ARIANA'S BOOK REVIEW 🌸

⭐⭐⭐⭐✨/5

Genre: Horror, Gothic, Thriller, Contemporary, Adult, Fantasy

📚 Synopsis: From the critically acclaimed author of Bunny comes a horror-tinted, gothic fairy tale about a lonely dress shop clerk whose mother’s unexpected death sends her down a treacherous path in pursuit of youth and beauty. Can she escape her mother’s fate—and find a connection that is more than skin deep?

For as long as she can remember, Belle has been insidiously obsessed with her skin and skincare videos. When her estranged mother Noelle mysteriously dies, Belle finds herself back in Southern California, dealing with her mother’s considerable debts and grappling with lingering questions about her death. The stakes escalate when a strange woman in red appears at the funeral, offering a tantalizing clue about her mother’s demise, followed by a cryptic video about a transformative spa experience. With the help of a pair of red shoes, Belle is lured into the barbed embrace of La Maison de Méduse, the same lavish, culty spa to which her mother was devoted. There, Belle discovers the frightening secret behind her (and her mother’s) obsession with the mirror—and the great shimmering depths (and demons) that lurk on the other side of the glass.

Snow White meets Eyes Wide Shut in this surreal descent into the dark side of beauty, envy, grief, and the complicated love between mothers and daughters. With black humor and seductive horror, Rouge explores the cult-like nature of the beauty industry—as well as the danger of internalizing its pitiless gaze. Brimming with California sunshine and blood-red rose petals, Rouge holds up a warped mirror to our relationship with mortality, our collective fixation with the surface, and the wondrous, deep longing that might lie beneath.

📝 Review: If you're a fan of horror fiction or enjoy a spine-chilling read, "Rouge" by Mona Awad should be at the top of your must-read list. Awad's gripping tale takes readers on a dark and suspenseful journey, leaving them both enthralled and unnerved.

In "Rouge," Awad seamlessly combines elements of horror and psychological suspense, crafting an unsettling atmosphere that captivates from the very first page. The story is filled with unexpected twists and turns, keeping readers on the edge of their seats, eager to devour every word.

At its core, this story reflects on the beauty industry and media's exploitation of people's insecurities from a young age. "Rouge" exposes the damaging narrative that women are only valuable if they conform to specific standards. It also sheds light on the manipulation and fascination of older men with young girls, highlighting the power dynamics and the pervasive nature of such relationships.

What sets "Rouge" apart from other horror novels in the genre is Awad's unique ability to blend the supernatural with everyday experiences and emotions. The sense of dread and unease seeps off the pages, making even the most mundane activities feel unsettling. As the story unfolds, readers will question the boundaries between reality and nightmare.

This thought-provoking and captivating read leaves a lasting impact. "Rouge" goes beyond surface-level scares, delving into important social commentary while challenging traditional narratives. Awad artfully crafts a narrative that demands attention, prompting readers to question societal expectations and the damaging effects of the beauty industry. With its intricate exploration of mother-daughter relationships, manipulation, and the dark truths of society, this book is a must-read for anyone seeking a thought-provoking and emotionally charged experience.

🔍 Rec: People who have read ‘Silver Nitrate’ (Silvia Moreno-Garcia), ‘Black Sheep’ (Rachel Harrison) and ‘Death Valley’ (Melissa Broder) may like this book.

Thank you Mona Awad, S&S/ Marysue Rucci Books and Edelweiss for this delightful read. All opinions expressed here are purely my own.

🦋 Have you read any book highlighting the issues with the beauty industry?

#rouge #mona awad #novelswithariana #2023 reads #booklr #books #arc #marysue rucci books #book review #bookstagram #edelweiss #edelweiss arc

[monstermonstre]

Faves of 2022

Self explanatory end of the year list of my favourite everythings I consumed this year. That includes things that came out before 2022 but that I read/watched/played for the first time this year. For those of you who are only interested in what came in 2022 I will put them at the top of each list for visibility.

Other than that, the lists aren’t sorted by any order of preference, that’s just too much to ask.

Films

🩳 for short films, 🏳️‍🌈 for queer films (how queer they are vary immensely here so please don’t take this as me putting them all in the same basket, it’s just to highlight which could be of interest for someone looking for queer narratives and/or point of views), and finally 🌐 for films that are not a North American production.

Everything Everywhere All At Once (2022) 🏳️‍🌈

Triangle of Sadness (2022) 🌐

Kimi (2022)

Barbarian (2022)

Starfuckers (2022) 🩳🏳️‍🌈

Prey (2022)

Turning Red (2022)

Love and Leashes (2022) 🌐

Rest of the list under the ‘read more’

Ringu (1998) 🌐

Keyboard Fantasies (2019) 🏳️‍🌈

Two Cars, One Night (2004) 🩳🌐

Meeting the Man: James Baldwin in Paris (1970) 🩳🏳️‍🌈

Tama Tū (2004) 🩳🌐

Paris 05:59: Théo & Hugo (2016) 🏳️‍🌈🌐

Next Goal Wins (2014) 🏳️‍🌈🌐

Knife+Heart (2018) 🏳️‍🌈🌐

I Lost My Body (2019) 🌐

Towards Tenderness (2016) 🩳🏳️‍🌈🌐

Danton’s Death (2011) 🩳🌐

All the Crows In the World (2021) 🩳🏳️‍🌈🌐

Ex Machina (2014)

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 (1986)

The Samurai (2014) 🏳️‍🌈🌐

One Cut of the Dead (2017) 🌐

Prisoners (2013)

Rope (1948) 🏳️‍🌈

Frankenstein (1931) 🏳️‍🌈

The Old Dark House (1932) 🏳️‍🌈

Cat People (1942) 🏳️‍🌈

Happy Together (1997) 🏳️‍🌈🌐

Inside Llewyn Davis (2013)

Chris Fleming: Showpig (2018)

Rashomon (1950) 🌐

La Cage aux Folles (1978) 🏳️‍🌈🌐

Books

I don’t have a lot in this list so I feel more inclined to give a lil explanation for each entry.

To Strip the Flesh by Oto Toda (2022 for the translation, 2020 in the original japanese): an anthology manga with a main story about a preop trans man who makes a living livestreaming himself cutting meat from animals that his father hunted (part of his success relying on how attractive he is to his audience who perceive him as a woman) and his struggle around coming out to his father and pursuing gender-affirming surgery.

It’s a beautiful and visceral (in every sense of the word) manga and I can’t recommend it enough. With a caveat that it contains, both in its main story and the short that make the anthology, a lot of body horror that might not be for everyone.

No Sleep Till Shengal by Zerocalcare (2022): don’t know that I have much to say about this one. People familiar with his work might understand why.

Monstrous Regiment and Going Postal by Terry Pratchett: continuing my exploration of the Discworld and enjoyed the two a great deal. Monstrous Regiment has become my favourite Discworld and maybe a favourite in general as well. It’s rare (at least to me, but maybe I’m not looking in the right places) to find satisfying trans representation in fiction, even more so in genre fiction, and even more so in stories that are overall a fun time. The final few pages make me emotional every time I read them.  “Around him, the kitchen worked.” and “‘A choice?’ said Rosemary.” forever.

My Brother’s Husband by Gengoroh Tagame: just gonna copy the wiki summary “the series follows the relationship between single father Yaichi, his daughter Kana, and Mike Flanagan, the Canadian husband of Yaichi's estranged and recently deceased twin brother.” It’s a manga, it’s beautiful, glad I finally got around to reading it.

Crooked Kingdom by Leigh Bardugo: took me ages to get to this despite having devoured Six of Crows but here we are. Since it’s a sequel I don’t feel like I can say much other than I had a great time with it and the ending got me. It helped me get out of a reading slump I was in.

The Cabin at the End of the World by Paul Tremblay: checked this one out because I saw the trailer for the upcoming film adaptation and it hooked me. It was such an easy read I finished it in 3 days (which is very fast for me nowadays). I still don’t really know what to think of it, still recovering from the ending and trying to make up my mind, but it did its job of keeping me invested and turning the pages fast. I’m very curious to see how they adapt it too.

Dracula by Bram Stoker: so thankful for dracula daily for getting me to read this, joined the squad of “why the hell adaptations do this to Mina and why do they omit my man Quincey?”.

A Closed and Common Orbit by Becky Chambers: even less “plot” than the first book but I couldn’t give a shit. I love the Wayfarers universe and its characters and this was such a comfortable and satisfying read. It even made me reevaluate some of my stances on AIs.

Overall I only read 2 of the books I said were on my to-read for 2022 but I achieved my goal of reading at least 12 books this year (even beat it by 1!) and got out of a years long reading slump so it’s a win! Looking forward to my reading in 2023.

TV Shows

Faves new shows of 2022: Our Flag Means Death, Severance, The Bear, Murderville and Interview with the Vampire

Other than that I watch too many things and TV Time is awful to navigate but off the top of my head other shows that didn’t start this year that I feel the need to highlight: What We Do In The Shadows (this latest finale was a gut punch in the best of ways), Chucky (the most fun I’ve had consistently watching anything this year), The Night Of (took me a while to get to this miniseries but it didn’t disappoint to say the least), Taskmaster NZ (the superior version), Barry, Succession, The Casketeers, Los Espookys...

Oh and you should subscribe to Dropout

Everything Else

I don’t play that much video games but of the ones I played and finished (or that can’t be finished) I played and finished Spiritfarer this year and that didn’t disappoint. Also the new Just Dance (2023 Edition) is insane. Yes they sacrificed a lot in the process but if you only take the new songs and maps into account it’s the best they’ve ever done.

And music wise I already answered a lot of Spotify Wrapped questions and that’s probably that. I’m a filthy casual enjoyer of music, incapable of having any critical sense for it.

I made this list mostly for myself and also for those of you who might have similar taste as mine and looking for recs. If after reading this you think you might have recs for me, feel free to drop them in replies or DMs!

Happy new year!

#monstrueux blabla

[emine--yalaz]

BASIC INFORMATION:

Name: Emine Derna Yalaz

Nickname: Little Psycho

Birthday: August 1

Age: 25

Gender: Female

Place of Birth: Antayla, Turkey

Places Lived Since: Antayla and London

Current Residence: With Kerem in their apartment in Haringey

Nationality: Turkish

Parents: Ahmet & Diksha Yalaz

Number of Siblings: Technically she is an only child, but she considers Berat an older brother rather than her cousin.

Relationship With Family: She is estranged with her parents for the simple fact she never wanted to move back to Turkey. She is close with her aunt and Berat. Her aunt feels more like a mother to her. 

Happiest Memory: Her happiest memory, which there is two of them, the first one was when her aunt offered her to stay with them that way she didn’t have to move back to Turkey. And the second one, was when Kerem asked her out, saying he wanted to try with her. 

Childhood Trauma: Her childhood was normal for what it would be growing up around a gang. She wasn’t always the way she was, a psycho. It came at a price, and if she could remember her personality before, she would most certainly not ask for it back. She was barely sixteen and followed along when she shouldn’t have. Not quick enough she was caught by those Berat and them were pursuing. Emine was warned a million times to behave, but impulse failed her. She faced the repercussions of her actions. She suffered a major brain injury that turned her into who she is today. 

PHYSICAL:

Height: 5'1

Weight: 115lbs

Build: She is on the slender side, but lean. 

Hair Color: Brown with golden blond highlights

Usual Hair Style: Down and wavy

Eye Color: Brown

Glasses? Contacts?: Neither.

Style of Dress/Typical Outfit(s): She likes to stay with fashion and likes to be a little flashy regardless of what she is wearing. She likes to make a statement that no one will forget her. This is something she would be seen wearing. 

Typical Style of Shoes: Emine wears heels as much as she can. Being shorter she likes to at least wear six inch heels to give her more height. She doesn’t cheap out on her heels either, they are all designer. These are her favourite Jimmy Choo’s. 

Jewellery? Tattoos? Piercings?: She has her ears pierced, her belly button and some other area’s. She has a rose and skull tattoo on her left shoulder and on her right rib cage a quote -- “I am under no obligation to make sense to you.”

Scars: She has one on her right side. It is very faint, but it happened when he was training with Kerem with knives. He still feels guilty about it. 

Unique Mannerisms/Physical Habits: Everything about Eminie is unique. She doesn’t hold back and speaks her mind. She has manners, but sometimes manners are pointless. 

Athleticism: She does train to be able to defend herself and how to take someone down with a knife in close combat, but she hates working out. She only does it with Kerem because she likes that she can get him to workout shirtless. 

Health Problems/Illnesses: None.

INTELLECT:

Level of Education: High school. The lifestyle she has now doesn’t really require her to have one. She is smart in her own sense, and a lot of it is street smart. 

Languages Spoken: English and Turkish

Level of Self-Esteem: High. She is very confident and assure of herself. 

Gifts/Talents: She can play the cello. 

Mathematical?: Not her strongest, but she knows a lot when it comes to drugs and what she should be paid.

Makes Decisions Based Mostly On Emotions, or On Logic?: Her decisions are based on impulse. Sometimes there is logic, sometimes there is emotions, but most time it’s chaos. 

Life Philosophy: You don’t have to love me. You don’t have to like me. But you will respect me and Live fast, die young. Bad girls do it well. 

Religious Stance: None

Cautious or Daring?: Daring.

Most Sensitive About/Vulnerable To: Her family being hurt.

Optimist or Pessimist?: Optimist

Extrovert or Introvert?: Extreme Extrovert

RELATIONSHIPS:

Current Relationship Status: Taken

Sexual Orientation: Heterosexual.

Past Relationships: They don’t matter

Primary Reason For Being Broken Up With: Too much for them to handle her.

Primary Reasons For Breaking Up With People: They bore her.

Ever Cheated?: No.

Been Cheated On: No idea. There would be only one person that would bother her. The others, they were just piece of ass. 

Level of Sexual Experience: High, she is always wanting to try new things, but it also at Kerem’s level of comfort. 

A Social Person?: She is very social, considering that she is a drug dealer. 

Most Comfortable Around: Kerem (Keremlin King), Berat (Beratatioulle), Leyla (Ley Bug), Deniz (Denni)

Oldest Friend: Deniz

How Does She Think Others Perceive Her?: She doesn’t really care how others perceive her. There is no fucks to be given. 

How Do Others Actually Perceive Him?: Someone to be respected and not messed with. 

SECRETS:

Life Goals: One day to be Kerem’s Queen when he finally takes back what is his. 

Dreams: Marry Kerem. She lives her life to the fullest each day. Tomorrow is not guaranteed and she is quite happy with her life. This was her dream.

Greatest Fears: Losing Kerem especially to Nevra

Most Ashamed Of: Nothing really. She has no shame and doesn’t regret anything. Life is too short for regrets.

Secret Hobbies: Playing the cello

Crimes Committed (Was he caught? Charged?): Dealing drugs, putting customers in their place that couldn’t pay and roughing people up. There may have been a death here and there, but that is no ones business. She has never been caught or charged with anything. 

DETAILS/QUIRKS:

Night Owl or Early Bird?: Night Owl

Light or Heavy Sleeper?: Light

Favorite Animal: sloth

Favorite Foods: All food. She is a foodie.

Least Favorite Food: anything that has no spice on it. 

Favorite Book: If she has to read, any reserve harem books.

Least Favorite Book: Books in general

Favorite Movie: Anything horror - Psycho

Least Favorite Movie: Anything cheesy, including romance movies. Someone has to die or get seriously hurt.

Favorite Song: Diva - Beyonce

Favorite Sport: Doesn’t have one. She’ll watch whatever Kerem is watching, or Berat when they are hanging out.

Coffee or Tea?: Both

Crunchy or Smooth Peanut Butter?: Smooth

Type of Car She Drives: A C-Class Benz, black. 

Lefty or Righty?: Right

Favorite Color: Red

Cusser?: Fuck yeah. Language to her soul

Biggest Regret: None. 

Pets: A dog, Spectre. Which she has to remind Kerem that she is their dog, not his.

#my psycho life

[ivaspinoza]

"[...] a deepened appreciation of the beauties of nature; [...] a turning in upon the self and a heightened examination of human personality and its moods and mental potentialities; [...] a new view of the artist as a supremely individual creator, whose creative spirit is more important than strict adherence to formal rules and traditional procedures; an emphasis upon imagination as a gateway to transcendent experience and spiritual truth; an obsessive interest in folk culture, national and ethnic cultural origins, and the medieval era; and a predilection for the exotic, the remote, the mysterious, the weird, the occult [...]".

"Romantic works were a reaction to the Age of Enlightenment and the advancing Industrial Age, a time in which science and rationalization began to take firmer hold in the public consciousness. Romantic literature challenged this new wave of ideas by telling stories rooted in emotion, nature, idealism, and the subjective experiences of common men and women. It comes from the medieval French romaunt, the term for an epic, chivalrous quest told in verse." "Romantic writers felt that the average reader should be able to understand and enjoy their works. This sentiment often extended to the relatability of characters they created. Romantic writers would represent certain female characters as innocent, naïve bundles of perfection that needed sheltering and, in some cases, outright worship. Their admirers were nothing short of haunted by them." "Characters and their internal lives were a priority for Romantic writers. They gave readers access to the characters’ innermost thoughts and desires, emphasizing the minutia that made them tick. This hyper-focus on subjective thoughts and experiences opened the doors for an increased perception of the spiritual—and, sometimes, the supernatural." "Isolation and its accompanying melancholy played a key role in the experiences of romantic characters and, often, their authors. This loneliness and estrangement from the rest of humanity gives the character a way to express the uniqueness of their experiences and thoughts." "Nature was a source of endless inspiration and beauty for romantic writers. They often viewed nature as a teacher; a living, breathing entity; a god or goddess; or some combination of them all. For example, in the poem “Auguries of Innocence,” William Blake celebrates nature and its awe-inspiring majesty." "Pathetic fallacy is a type of personification where romantic writers attributed human feelings and thoughts to aspects of nature. In the poem “I Wandered Lonely as a Cloud,” with the title itself giving human characteristics to a cloud, William Wordsworth writes about coming upon a field of daffodils." "Literary romanticism honors universal human emotions like love, loss, triumph, and failure. These works did not center on bold religious statements or scientific theories; instead, they highlight a collective sense of morality and right versus wrong [the Natural Law, eternal, written in every human heart as opposed to the man-made traditions and laws]. They existed as accessible pieces of literature that featured the common man as a character to attract the common man as a reader. "

"The result was that ordinary people were considered worthy of respect and even celebration. Romantic works also underscored the value of nature in the richness of the human experience, as well as the need for isolation to attain emotional or spiritual growth."

source, "Portrait of sister Aline", by Théodore Chassériau

#romanticism #literature

[alyjojo]

Love Reading ⚧️ - February 2024 - Sagittarius

Singles:

Who is Coming In: Judgement rev & 7 Wands

Regarding: 2 Wands

Long-Term Potential: 9 Pentacles & 3 Swords

This is an ex that is not interested in coming back around, whatever happened between you was too painful. You may be defensive over why they won’t just try again, why can’t you fix what was damaged in the first place, but with messages and the Oracle…some things run too deep. Hurt too much. It may go beyond you even, especially if this person has addictions or this is something you share. It could be yours as well. Something about this relationship is codependent and unhealthy, or was, and long term shows the card of independence. It breaks your heart, and you’re very sad about losing this person (or this is flipped), but ultimately they/you have to stand on ones’ own two feet without the other person, maybe even to just know how that feels. It’s possible some 3rd party gets/got in the middle of this connection as well, one of you moving on and the other one is hurt about it. If not, then this is saying long term you will be fine without this person - separating yourself from the pain they caused you or vice versa.

Messages:

- I can’t TRUST you.

- I am damaged 🤕

ADDICTION 💊

- Codependent

- Obsession & Restraint

- Possession & Control

- Emotional Block

Signs you may be dealing with:

Heavy Gemini, Aries, Cancer & Scorpio

Couples:

Them: 5 Wands, Wheel of Fortune & 9 Wands

Regarding: Queen of Pentacles

Your person is very serious, and you’re not, it’s like calling a spade a spade in this reading. Their energy is one of mastery, Queen of Pentacles is career oriented, practical, a domestic goddess, a mother (single mother?), a hard worker, and a busy financial planner. They have goals to work towards, things to do, fix, buy, cook, build & invest in. They’re thinking long term, or that’s where they’re heading, I keep getting a Judgement vibe from them that hasn’t shown up just yet…but it’s coming. Next month, the month after, eventually. They’re currently conflicted. Where is this going? Or just them maybe, where are *they* going? Because they’re changing a lot, with Phoenix and Wheel of Fortune, this is change that starts inside and eventually will reach every part of this person’s life as determined by a mixture of free will and destiny - which is shown by the mutual energy. Same sex is highlighted, and so is a lover, no matter what gender loves what, in any case there is a wandering eye on your side. 5 Wands for this person may be competition, now knowing there are other people in the mix, and being who they are - how they value things, is this connection the right fit for them? Right now the focus is heavily on them, their career and whatever they’ve got going on, and where they’re going. Love is an afterthought. You have wedding rings as an Oracle, you could be married or otherwise committed, and this is the first/main person - you two being estranged. Are they thinking of you, not really. They’ve been hurt and have to move forward, they can feel big changes coming but don’t know where they’ll lead, what the purpose is, or who they’re becoming at this point in time, they just know things are changing.

Messages:

- My money is my life 💰

- Not Ready…yet

PHOENIX 🔥

- New Phase & Rekindle

- Renew & Growth

- Changed Mind

- Rise From Ashes

Great Adventure 🏴‍☠️

“Take a risk; venture forward.”

If you’re worried about being on your spiritual track, don’t be, because the fact that you’re thinking about it means that you’re on the right path.

You: Knight of Wands, 3 Pentacles & The Magician

Regarding: Queen of Wands

Your energy is awesome, fiery, passionate, excited about life and love, you’re rushing into new experiences for the sake of having those experiences, the energy is 1000% Sag in its element. Single element though, nothing about anything here shows you being committed to anyone, if anything you’re happy to have multiple options just in case a few fall off, as they inevitably will. Probably like this person. Queen of Wands can show “the lover”, you may have one separate from this person, or this is just you. You know you’re gorgeous, you know you have options, there’s no lack of confidence in yourself - but there aren’t any boundaries either, especially if this is/was a marriage you’re dealing with. Nothing here shows that except the Oracle. It’s almost like you prefer the new, when things are exciting and the sex is great, and then once things start settling down, you’re off to find someone else where that *high* can be found. Needing to feel wanted, desired, attractive, needing more than just one person. Your messages confirm this, and where this person is concerned is where “tread thoughtfully” comes in, I don’t get a whole lot of thinking before you act on things, and this person is literally planning out a whole future so far as they can see. You two are night and day. Your Oracle regarding control can show some level of immaturity, or a belief system, maybe you’re just not the monogamous type - it feels like control to you. The Sun shows this having come to light, for this person, maybe others involved as well, it’s not a secret. This is basically saying that now this person may be in your way of you learning lessons you need to learn. Or they have Wheel of Fortune, this may be a karmic or someone who triggers something in you. You definitely have done that for them 💯

Messages:

- Wandering Eye 👀

- Always Acting Single

Wedding Rings 💍

- Union & Marriage

- Soul Connection

- Everlasting Love

- Devotion

Narrow Pathway 🌁

“Tread thoughtfully.”

Don’t let anyone control you spiritually or in any other way. You are the master of your chart.

Mutual: 8 Swords, The Hanged Man rev & 9 Swords

Regarding: Knight of Pentacles

This connection is a slow burner that moves at a turtle’s pace 🐢, or it will be. There’s been a major lack of progress, movement, maybe communication entirely. This person may have blocked you, there is no romance between you, they’re holding back from you because you make this person feel…crazy. 9 Swords. If this was a marriage, they’re playing things over and over in their mind trying to gain some perspective, this is a mentally painful time. Or it was. There’s also a note here about being trapped in ego, you may not be able to see someone else’s perspective because you cannot see outside of yourself. Feel free to switch it, that’s how it came out. There is no working together in tandom, partnership, union, there’s one person out for themselves and the other person hurt by it. The oracles show this connection is divinely guided, again it could be karmic, there are lessons for both of you to learn from this connection, probably having to do with commitment on both sides. 3 Wands at the bottom show you both waiting, expecting something, but it feels very different for each of you. You’re waiting for them to see your side. They’re waiting to transform into someone entirely different because of these experiences with you. Desert Passage, Strength, and Knight of Pentacles all show there isn’t anything happening here, probably for a long time. But you both stalk each other, or keep tabs, you’re both curious and interested in what the other is doing. That’s something. Knight of Pentacles is *some* kind of progress, even if it feels like nothing.

Sunglasses 🕶️

- Watching, Looking

- Perception

- Stalking

Desert Passage 🏜️

“Trust there’s a divine plan.”

It’s your choice to make life easy or difficult; so choose to live with gratitude, loyalty, and commitment.

Signs you may be dealing with:

Heavy Gemini & Sagittarius, Leo, Virgo, Capricorn & Pisces

#Sagittarius #love reading #singles #couples #love tarot reading #february 2024 #tarot #tarotblr

[tilbageidanmark]

Movies I watched this week (Year 4, week 6)

2 more by Irish director John Michael McDonagh:

🍿 "Piece by piece, the camel enters the couscous..."

The Forgiven, my 4th atmospheric, restrained thriller by [Martin McDonagh's brother]. A jaded, cynical boozer Ralph Fiennes arrives in Morocco for a weekend in the desert, and accidentally kills a local boy. Ominous, well-made drama about the clash of cultures, guilt and the search for redemption, with luminous Jessica Chastain. 7/10.

🍿 The second death was his first short. A taciturn alcoholic sits in an Irish bar, grapples with his memories.

By now I've seen the 5 movies he directed, and all but 'War on everyone' were great.

🍿  

I've waited to the much-anticipated American Fiction, an intelligent meta-film about a writer pandering to black stereotypes. It's an intellectual and erudite story about bookish people, with a protagonist named Thelonious "Monk" Ellison. The 2 highlights were the subtle dancing scene (at 1:18) between the mother struck with Alzheimer and her son, and the meta-ending, trying different hats for size. The score was great, the sister was funny, the approach was highbrow. But best film of 2023?... C'mon. 8/10.

🍿  

Robot dreams is my second by Spanish Pablo Berger (I just saw his Torremolinos 73 a few weeks ago). It's a very emotional, wordless tale of loneliness and friendship between "Dog" and his robot. Outstanding sharp animation from the very first images, it vividly depicts NYC in the 80' in rich and colorful details [eating Cheetos, playing Pong, cleaning bowling balls like Jesus Quintana]. 9/10 and my happiest film experience of the week. Deserves an immediate re-watch.

I haven't seen 'The boy and the heron' yet, but it was nominated for this year's Oscar, and I hope it wins.

🍿  

First watch: Murnau's classic melodrama Sunrise: A Song of Two Humans, winner of the first Oscars in 1929. Tracking camera movements, elaborate German expressionism sets and visual poetry.

🍿  

5 more groundbreaking animations:

🍿 The amazing short, voted as the 19th Greatest Cartoon of All Time: Betty Boop in Snow-White. Max Fleischer's 1933 surrealistic piece, with Cab Calloway as 'Koko the Clown' singing "St. James Infirmary Blues."

Cab Calloway, the originator of the Moonwalk, collaborated with sexy Betty Boop in two other insane ditties: The Old Man of the Mountain and Minnie the Moocher.

🍿 Also, Dziga Vertov's 1924 Soviet Toys, the Soviet Union’s first ever animated movie.

🍿 Every time I watch the Dutch Father and daughter, it annihilates me, because I'm the father. Oscar winner for 2000. 10/10.

🍿  

The Brother from Another Planet, my 3rd film by John Sayles, and the first disappointing one! This low-vibe sci-fi about an escaped extraterrestrial slave trying to find a new life in Harlem went way over my head. Originally, he was in a state of confusion, not knowing what things are. But then he developed some survival skills, but not others. (?). With young Fisher Stevens as a card hustler. 3/10.

🍿  

2 with Laura Linney:

🍿 Suncoast is a semi-autobiographical coming of age story that feels crowded and depressing. A isolated 14-year-old girl in 2005 Clearwater, FL lives a life of trauma. Her brain dead, vegetative brother is being admitted to the same hospice where Terri Schiavo is, her father is already dead, she has no friends at all, and her mother, Laura Linney, is semi-crazed from all the tragedies. It's tough to take all that in, with death, Christianity and politics, mixing it up with regular teen angst and mother-daughter conflicts. With stirring performances by the two women, as well as Woody Harrelson as an irreverent anti-euthanasia activist. 4/10.

/ Female Director

🍿  "We're not in therapy right now. We're in real life..."

The Savages was the last of this week's movies, an afterthought. But it turned to be my favorite drama. My first by Tamara Jenkins, it tells of brunette Laura Linney, and her estranged brother Philip Seymour Hoffman, who have to get closer to each other, as they handle their distant father, now suffering from dementia. An unglamorous story with tender and subtle performances. 8/10.

[Strangely, both films, which has otherwise nothing in common with each other, include the same sad, cold scene of walking away in the corridors of a impersonal health-care institution, after the eventual death of a close relative.]

/ Female Director

🍿  

The Company of Strangers is a Canadian story about 8 old women on a trip to the countryside, and who are stranded at an isolated cottage when their old tour bus breaks down. It's refreshing to see such a different premise for a movie, although, tbh, it wasn't too exciting.

/ Female Director

🍿  

Carnival of Soul X 2:

🍿 "That's strange, Jim never has a second cup of coffee at home".

Carnival of Souls, a 1962 indie ghost story, the only feature film created by a guy from Lawrence, KS (who also played "The man"). A low-budget creative look, with German expressionist style, eerie organ score. A creepy neighbor, and a mansplaining doctor gaslight a single woman. There's an abandoned pavilion where the climax of the movie takes place, and it's clear that the whole plot was written around it. 4/10. (Photo Above).

🍿 Yella, my third enigmatic drama by Christian Petzold, loosely transported the narrative of 'Carnival of Soul' to modern day Germany. The heroine, Yella, is a submissive young woman with an abusive ex-husband who sees visions without agency. But replacing the spookiness of the original with unconvincing business machinations and unexplained sounds made it unremarkable and tedious. The fact that everybody left their hotel doors ajar was a big turn-off for me. 3/10.

🍿  

Buster Keaton's The Navigator was his biggest commercial success. Later on it got selected for the National Film Registry, and earned 100% on Rotten Tomatoes. A few memorable set ups: Shuffling a deck of wet cards and an underwater sword fight with a swordfish. There's also the plot of the savage 'natives' / cannibals.

🍿  

Kings of pastry, a D. A. Pennebaker documentary about three pastry chefs trying to achieve MOH status in 2007. For people with sweet tooth. Lovely over-use of Django Reinhardt 'Minor swing'. Re-watch.

🍿  

In One Hour Photo Robin Williams played a lonely and obsessed clerk at a photo developing center at a mall. Not completely psychotic, he's sad and pathetic. The climax does not deliver.

🍿  

First re-watch in many years: Tootsie about a unemployable actor who finally scores playing a female role. A melodrama about sex-roles and 1980 feminism that aged well for the most part. Mostly thanks to Sydney Pollack solid direction (and acting! He was better than the NY-actor Dustin Hoffman here, and he had all the best lines). Cross-dressing for the sake of a paycheck. 7/10.

🍿  

First watch: Stephen King's middle-brow The green mile. Three hours of shallow drama, even before the supernatural miracles starts. A man-child 'Magical Negro' with the power of healing, all the time sweating like hogs, because of 'The south'. 3/10.

🍿  

Nir ve Gali (ניר וגלי) is an Israeli animation studio that produced 91 anthropomorphic shorts. Unfortunately, their humor, which is among the funniest shit I ever saw, is probably untranslatable to people who don't speak Hebrew. Re-watch. 10/10.

🍿  

Throw-back to the "Art project”:  

Buster Keaton Adora.

🍿  

(My complete movie list is here)

#Movies #carnival of souls

[finnickfan8]

The Last Time

Pairing: Gale Hawthorne x Reader

Genre: Angst

Warnings: Angst? Possibility of part 2

“Gale Hawthorne.” The dim illumination of your porch light highlighted his most distinctive features. His eyes shone darkly in the late night shadows of District 12. “What are you doing here? And at this hour?” Your icy fingers wrapped around his wrist. “Come inside before peacekeepers shoot you. Or you freeze to death. Or both!” You whisper yelled to avoid any attention from the patrols in your area. You pulled your estranged acquaintance into the warmth of your home.

“I came to apologize.” You knew this was coming. It always comes. “Listen, I know I wasn’t quite over Katniss and every time I’d see her with Peeta I’d take it out on you.” That was the reason you’d broke up every time before. Katniss would show him any form of affection and he’d leave you. You loved him too much to let him go. Any time Katniss angered him he’d distance himself from you and push you away.

Even when he’d gotten over Katniss, you couldn’t be together. You knew that. Gale had a family to take care of and he had a life. You weren’t meant to have everything he wanted or needed. The two of you were just different. Gale would never cry or let you help him and you were a helper. The fundamentals of a relationship just weren’t there. He knows that you want to get out of 12, be a star one day, but he can’t support that. It’s not that he doesn’t have faith in you, he just doesn’t gamble.

You sighed. Not just any sigh, the sigh that you let out when your throat burns and your chest tightens from the sadness that taunts you. Gale’s gray eyes burnt from the task of hiding any dark emotions. “Gale.” You tried to keep your composure, hide any affinity for this man, but you couldn’t. Your voice fiercely wavered and a sob breeched your throat. You took a step towards the coal miner. His clothes, although not work garments, had faint stains of soot. His permanently dyed hands reached to brush a few fallen strands from your temples.

“Y/N.” He was even closer now. You could smell remanence of the mines on him. The scent that plagued the Seam. A pungent burnt tobacco esc scent. “I know I hurt you and I just wanted to tell you that I regret it.” Purple bags sat comfortably under his cloudy eyes. His family needed him, but he came here. Here to your warm house. Here to your well-furnished dwelling. He thought he needed to be here more. A singular tear rolled down your cheek.

“Gale,” Your thoughts were racing around your plagued mind. “I want to try again.” Your heart dropped as the last word graced your lips. You had missed Gale more than you’d expected. You felt like it was only you and him in this world, but to you that was okay. He was all you wanted. All you needed.

“Y/N.” His expression was stern but his voice was riddled with pity. “Y/N,” He took your toasty hands in to his colder ones. “You know we can’t be together.” One. Two. Three. Tears started to flow down your cheeks. His words shattered the dam that kept your emotions from spewing out. More tears. The droplets just kept coming.

“But Gale.” You knew he was right. You couldn’t be with him but you wanted to. “We can work it out I promise. I make enough money for us. We could move away from here.” Gale shook his head. His worn hands pulled you in to his chest. You dug your head out of his chest. “We could get out of here.”

“No Y/N.”

“Yes Gale.” You pulled out of his embrace and put your hands on his broad shoulders. “I have connections in the Capitol. We could move there. We could start a new life. We could do it Gale!” Gale sighed. Tears now welled in his eyes. It was Gale’s turn to cry.

“No Baby.” He hugged you like it was the last time. “I’m no good for you. All I do is hurt you.” He placed a kiss on your forehead. “Maybe in another world or universe where I have my shit together.” He holds your face in his hands. “But I have to go. I can’t hurt you anymore. This is the last time I come back to your door like this.” You couldn’t bear it. His hand traveled to the door knob. The cool metal collided with his hand.

“But I love you!”

“And I love you.” The door knob turned slightly. “That’s why I have to do this.” In the blink of an eye and with a gust of winter air, he was gone. You ran out in to the snow in your thin nightgown. Your eyes frantically searched for his tall figure. Gone.

#the hunger games #hunger games #gale hawthorne #the hunger games gale #mockingjay #the mockingjay

[adevotedappraisal]

The Id and the Super Ego, part two of two

A look at Kendrick and Drake’s latest albums, and the links between them.

The Id and the Super Ego part one can be found here

I found a new muse, that’s bad news for you

Drake on the other hand, needs no excavation, as he famously wears his heart on his sleeve, when it isn’t carved into his head. Throughout the decade the singer/songwriter rapper documented his life, focusing on two major themes: his rise to the top of rap stardom and his restless love life. Through songs like the minimalist hit “Marvin’s Room" from 2011s Take Care and “March 14th" from 2018s Scorpion, he painted voyeuristic exposes about his past loves and his estranged son respectively, garnering derisive labels of ‘sensitive’, ‘soft’ or ‘emotional’.

For his actual fans it was fascinating and compelling. Rarely did the rapper with the number one spot in the overtly masculine genre reveal their life like this. Really, what did Melle Mel tell us about his love life? Or Rakim? Or Cube? Jay Z himself waited until his third decade of albums before he pulled the curtain back. With Drake, this lack of a filter endeared him to his worldwide audience, and because he talked about the easily relatable aspects of the human experience- that of falling in and out of love- he could grab his fanbase by their heartstrings and their Id and never let go.

On Honestly… Drake continues this oversharing in songs, regaling us with his tales of excess riches and exhaustion over love, this time over kinetic, nocturnal house and dance beats, the words not studied and rapped, but sung unimpeded and untethered, as if lucid dreaming through an album. On “Sticky,” anchored by door-slam kicks and anxious hi-hats, he is relishing his assholia, blithely disposing his women like a Saudi Sheik, or forget-me-not petals. He crows “King of the hill, you know it's a steep one, if we together, you know it's a brief one/ back in the ocean you go, it's a deep one,” expressing his puerile passions with the same acuity as Kendrick on “Worldwide Steppers” when he reveals “silent murderer, what's your body count? Who your sponsorship?/ objectified so many bitches, I killed their confidence.” It’s the same transgressions, except Kendrick is reflecting on the past, while Drake takes us with him to the sweating moment.

His indulgences are entertaining, but his naked longing is more compelling. His approach to songcraft here never explicitly explains how he always ends up the bachelor looking for a bachelorette, or explores how it effects him, but, in a sense, the music reflects his mind state. Basslines are deep and ponderous behind the stalks of four-on-the-floor kick drums, while the pianos are moody, rain-speckled chords. Songs like “Massive" and “Falling Back" are the hypnotizing daze you would dance the night away to in New York’s Webster Hall or some basement party in order to get over a break-up. It’s house as cosplay sure, but in some cases the music gets the point across better than Drake’s lonesome digi-warbling could alone.

We manage a moment of clarity on “Flight’s Booked,” a late-album highlight soaked in the same midnight vibes, centering itself around a classic Marsha Ambrosious sample. Drake is lovelorn and undone, singing a tender tale of holding onto a love his life can’t bear the weight of at the moment. He sings “although there's distance between us, there's no place I'd rather be, I owe you some hospitality, and it comes so naturally/ promise, I just need some more time if you can bear with me.” It’s endearing really, but you get the sense that she will be the one to respond back in the ocean you go sir, it’s a deep one.

But a mask won't hide who you are inside

Look around, the realities carved in the lies, wipe my ego, dodge my pride

The immutable truth of ourselves lays with us in the valley, between the monuments of the persona we greet the world with. And even when the artist or celebrity inflates this persona to the size of a myth, glimpses of truth find their way through in fits and starts. With Mr. Morale…, Kendrick Lamar shepherds these truths into a grand drama of himself and the events that made him the mythical hero of the shire of rap music, a persona he had clearly gotten tired of hiding behind. The album both shines from this honesty and is hamstrung by the unevenness it causes.  Really, is this how anyone wanted Beth Orton from Portishead to be utilised, swallowed by self-pity instead of defiantly belting her heart out? As fascinating and visceral as “We Cry Together" was, is this the type of Alchemist beat we wanted Kendrick over? But it reminds me about what the Good Book says about the truth in the scroll, that about it being sweet to the taste but bitter in the stomach.

Drake reveals his truth as well, in slivers of misogyny and churlish boasts, or in slipped out confessions and his unthinking yearnings for real connection through the myth of himself, across his cavernous, meaningless mansion. If his divisive Honestly, Nevermind reveals anything about him, it’s his deep love for the genres of r&b and house, as well as their function of charting the moods leading up to and away from falling in and out of love. In the context of his turbulent, beef-mottled rap career, his love songs themselves were muses about his transient muses, and this album, much more consistent than Kendrick’s, revels in these affairs. They are precious, underwritten things though, tossed-off melodies about indelible loves and groupies over muscular dance beats, the ear candy of the summer, but candy nevertheless.

These two artists, linked by ambition and circumstance, represent two different modalities of rap music, one existing to move the crowd, the other wanting to move the crowds mind. If you asked Drake fans his best songs they’d list singles, controversial diss songs and immaculate late-night driving songs. You ask Kendrick fans and they’ll tell you about his thematic closing songs, his sprawling, epic centerpieces, his tender biographies. Even their choice of bling is telling. Drake recently unveiled his chain titled Previous Engagements. Designed by famed jeweler Alex Ross, the piece consists of 42 stones totaling 351.38 carats, embedded into 18K white gold, representing the 42 women he considered marrying. Kendrick meanwhile, appeared in performance wearing a diamond encrusted literal crown of thorns by four craftsmen from Tiffany & co. The crown has 8000 cobblestone diamonds totaling 137 carats. The two pieces are both about love, but the two different manifestations of it, that of the material flesh and of the eternal spirit.

Remember though, these two lads aren’t really that different in a certain light. At their core they’re two rappers who found their lane and deliver product to a fan base attracted to the persona they present to the marketplace, same as Nas and Jay did before them, same as Rakim and Kane even earlier. However, Kendrick’s carnal urges read more like Drake’s lines sometimes, while Drake on “Flight’s Booked" sounds like the long distance musings Whitney might hear from Kendrick himself. Over these essays they have been compared to an Id and a Super Ego, famous psychological categorizations first developed by Austrian neurologist Sigmund Freud, whose theories have fell out of fashion in modern times.

Consider then the work of Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung, who believed the psyche consists of the ego, the personal unconscious and the collective unconscious. What if the two are simply mining their personal unconscious, (Kendrick digging deeper quarries of course) and, in expressing their truths in these songs, tap into the collective unconscious of rap? Drake presents to us our romantic, egotistical desires while Kendrick the spiritual and reflective, but up to a point. For within the fuckboy shell of Drake's tales is a human need for connection with another real human, and the catalyst for Kendrick’s emotional and metaphysical self-reflection is his coming to terms with his destructive addiction to the flesh and to his image. What we can learn from these two curious B-tier albums then is that our polarities, positive and negative, feed off of each other ultimately. We can acknowledge in the valley then, that to deny the earthly desires that reside within us, is as ill-advised as denying the savior that lives there as well.

#music #rap #music review #hip hop #kendrick lamar #drake #hiphopmusic #long reads #honestly nevermind #the id and the super ego

[in-between-the-books]

Stoner by John Williams

First Published:  1965 Page Count: 278 Rating: ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ 

Synopsis: William Stoner is born at the end of the nineteenth century into a dirt-poor Missouri farming family. Sent to the state university to study agronomy, he instead falls in love with English literature and embraces a scholar’s life, so different from the hardscrabble existence he has known. And yet as the years pass, Stoner encounters a succession of disappointments: marriage into a “proper” family estranges him from his parents; his career is stymied; his wife and daughter turn coldly away from him; a transforming experience of new love ends under threat of scandal. Driven ever deeper within himself, Stoner rediscovers the stoic silence of his forebears and confronts an essential solitude.

Review: Stoner is one of those books everyone on goodreads and their dead grandma has already read or at least has on their shelves and act like they know what's inside. I often heard people referring to it as "tedious" and "depressing", and it kept stripping me of all desire to ever pick it up. But global pandemic and a new lockdown seemed almost like a sign from some faintly disapproving and judgmental god of classic literature to read the books I ought to have read a long time ago. And I finally did. And I loved it. 

I started to empathize with stoner himself early on in the story, and while it's not a good perspective for criticism, doing so made me finish the book almost ferociously fast, because I felt as though I was reading the diary of a colleague. It is a beautifully crafted masterpiece, highlighting the blight of mediocrity that smites so many of us; unfulfilled dreams, the absence of lasting love and the spectre of embitterment that can accompany those repressed emotions. The cherry on top for me was the exploration of stoicism, as just the other day i was rereading Seneca. we had a character who had what most people would consider to be a pretty miserable life. His marriage was a failure, his career was constantly undermined, and the extent of his self-actualization came only from the satisfaction he received from staying true to himself. Even in the face of everything, he never felt sorry for himself or complained about anything. He just took life as it came and accepted the events for what they were. There is some interesting buddhist ideas underlying the book, and I think stoner's unwillingness to let the toxic people in his life ruin him makes him an unlikely hero. 

I did find the book a bit slow but sometimes it's nice to get caught up in a story that so intimately concerns the minutiae of a life so uninteresting and, in stoner's case, practically unlived, that you come to know that character like a real person and can't help but feel a pang of sorrow when that life comes to an end and you, the reader, reflect upon that characters failures and triumphs and all their unrealized goals in a way that the character himself wasn't able to. That is where the power of Stoner is – it feels familiar. Stoner and his life are largely unremarkable, or at least easy to understand, so when any introspection or philosophical pondering happens, it's easy to transfer that introspection to yourself. The fact that the material used to generate these thoughts or questions is just like anyone else's life, makes the thoughts and questions translate.

I loved that Stoner was full of sentiment, but wasn't a sentimental novel in itself. I loved the way in which it framed life's meaning. Right from the outset, with that beautiful little prelude, we get the sense that we will all be forgotten, that death consumes wholly, and that this book is concerned with, as nabokov called it, the crack of light between the eternities of darkness.

This message culminates in that scene toward the end where he's thinking about his former lover and looking over the one meager book he wrote. And it's just... enough.

It's not much, but it's enough. 

And that's just so damn powerful

#classics #five star reads #american

[scumwyrm]

DISTANCE

Distant and estranged with sight of vague remnants of a man. Now from silence lazily formed enquires and whispers begins comparing concepts of disassociation and growth.

These shakey voices probe this stranger in an unsure flurry of words that if ever reaching what surely are ears, carry such little weight as to never rest with even a tickle of indication or importance.

No response will come from this...

Even amongst their apprehension, hazed, the timid scatters of intrusive utterances press on, slowly yet with an evolving solidarity and resolve.

Soon however they speak with what could almost be mistaken for confidence, although less emotive, now much more intuitive in purpose.

This faux physical entity of noise suddenly projects a stern, near demanding question.

"IS one hydrated?"

Hurdling with a warm intensity towards the ambiguous impressions of a man. Making contact with enough force that the shaky outlines suddenly retreat into a more sound definition, whilst omitting some of its misty shroud.

He is now possibly tangible it seemed.

Startled, the mystery man recoils briefly. only to compose itself again, as if accepting the notion that escape or retreat, if successful, would only lead to more boredom within the wasteland where the two reside.

With labored efforts he cupped his hands around his mouth in preparation. Finally responds.

"Hydrated I wish to be, yet water, lake and pond are lost to me. Propose some solution? Maybe gift a map? Alas why should you as fret upon that?"

Pausing for a large gasp of air as these words seemed his first. Gaining composure begins to continue his speech, this MUST be heard.

"hours stacked on years misplaced and forgotten, solitary I was left here without even a seat to drop in. Exactly then why now enquire my state? For not even I care of my fate. My crimes of gluttony and lust, indulgent and ignorant, were my fair for the ferry that brought I here. Now I reside in an fiend's prison if MY design.

Why does one NOW clarify this pain with tantalizing ideas of compassion? Enquiring of my thirst, you highlight my shames"

Collapsing from fatigue, he, tearfully brought end to his plead.

Silence filled the void once again.

Without words, self imposing, accepted his continued punishment...

Finally after what seemed both only an instant and eternal, the voice now coming as one and from within himself, softly returned sympathetically.

"Why are you so hurtful to we, I simply asked innocently. You are guilty, yes, but redeemable none the less. Your crime is equal to served time, but how have we continued to Churn in this boundless cell, stewing with self hatred without comparison to this living hell. You appear tired from the lack of water, or any liquids, so ask I did.

Respond you did as if I offended, you said, negatively intended

'where be this elixer so dire'

Well brother, find little water you will, where you have lit fire.

You burn with hatred and loathing for you, me, we and have done for eternity. Let this flame dwindled now and soon you'll see, river and pond and ocean will return before you even ask how.

Learn from our failed trials and attempts, reserve the right to look back once you lose this fearful arrogance"

Stunned by this caring observer, he finally could see them and it was like staring into a mirror.

Wide eyes swelled with tears as he reached to touch what he saw to be merely reflected, but before contact this vocal body exploded with smoke and seem to disappear despite pressing on to say

"we were once two, for I could not abide your gloom, however apart from you, I still found no fun. I have realized now that we must come together, tending each other and learning to better"

With this he was now one, with a single thought in mind.

"I'm glad I chose not to run, I had some likeness of fun"

The end.