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#and have a sense of identity and self worth outside of others
fairytale-lights · 1 year
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One piece of advice I think a lot of people could use is do not put too much of your identity into other people's opinions of you. Don't let your whole sense of self/self worth depend on other people.
#nothing happened to inspire this post but i was thinking a lot about this concept earlier today for some reason#i think it's a lot of why lgbt people get upset when anyone says something they feel like invalidates that. other people's opinions clash#with their whole sense of identity.#there's definitely an element of. i think it's a really bad idea to put your identity and self worth on romance in general#no matter what the sexuality. i know straight people also do that. but there's no guarantee there#you can't know for sure if you'll ever get married. can't know if you'll find someone you like that much or who likes you that much#and that's okay. and even if you do at some point you spend a lot of time before that where you don't have that#and you have to be able to be okay by yourself without that validation from someone else#(plus even having that validation from someone else can't solve everything for you)#outside of those sorts of things this can also happen with so much stuff. like i remember something Girl Defined said about it at one point#they put too much identity into modeling or being good at basketball. for me it was probably grades in high school#I'd feel very much like me when i was doing well and people were talking about it and then when i didn't do as well?#they'd either quit the positive feedback or I'd go to family events and people would still be saying 'straight A student like always?'#and the answer would be no but i couldn't just say that and that was like the worst feeling ever#and it really just comes down to that you can't place your identity in validation from other people.#people say guard your heart and i think this is one place it applies#my post#i don't even remember why i was thinking about this topic but i wanted to say that 🤷
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ryuuseini · 11 months
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God I wanna... Say Something regarding fatphobia in media and the terms ppl use in describing characters who gain weight over time ("letting go" like bro shut the fuck up???) and how like, there's also nuance to the discussion (like, a character who starts out on the heavier side choosing to lose weight shouldn't be demonized either - as PLENTY of people want to lose weight for various reasons, and while you can point to a decent amount of it stemming from our fatphobic society, a lot of it is also just personal desire at the end of the day - but I also understand that if your ONLY fat character loses weight at the end and the other characters don't change either, then that's not good) but idk, I'm a little too tired to properly articulate what's going on in my mind? But I just... wish this was more of a discussion
#fatphobia#like - this is coming from someone who is overweight and is very visibly so#and yeah i do wanna lose weight simply because i dont like the way it distributes on me#but theres also the pressure of my mom who thinks its just wrong of me to be this weight and im like ??? pls stop#but I know for ME its more a personal desire#but i think my biggest issue is that like. bc we're at a state of representation where the bare minimum is never met#we're pushing for a monolithic representation of a far more diverse group#which. yes. i get it. ppl shouldnt be reduced to 'hi im fat bc i love food' and that be all rep#like no i 100% agree with that like a character shouldnt be striped down to solely be about being what marginalized group they are#but humans are so fucking nuanced that like. i DO want to see a character who does have a vibe of 'i like food!!' but have OTHER traits#like you have the skinny anime boy who has a million of other traits and cannot solely be defined by 'loves food'#but you also see them literally DROOLING over food and ordering a shit ton of food and somehow eating it all and like#and like the fact that here im specifically talking about Luke Yugioh Sevens who i would ACTUALLY describe as a kid who has like#ZERO awareness of the world outside of himself but does have a strong sense of self worth and genuinely wants to be great#but is very much aware he has to EARN that and doesnt want to be handed it... makes you wonder why marginalized identities dont have nuance#like??? pls just... make ppl human. humans are messy. thats what MAKES us human#this kinda got away from me but yk what i mean im tired lol
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vixeneptune · 1 month
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Secret to being SUPER MAGNETIC 🌹
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1. Be present
Be present in your body and in the moment. This moment rn is all that rly exists, be in the NOW and cherish your time.
2. Be grounded
Being grounded makes you more centered and naturally charismatic and attractive, that ties with being present. Become grounded in who you are, you gotta grow strong roots in your self trust and self love that NOTHING can shake you.
3. Be sensual
Being sensual opens up your sacral chakra which is the energy center in your body responsible for attraction and personal magnetism. Feel your body, embrace it, give it love. (It doesn't have to be sexual, Sensuality is more about connecting with your senses)
4. Be open
If you wanna be magnetic you gotta be open to RECEIVE. that means , open body language, open mind, open heart.
5. Be whole & complete
You're not this body, you're not these thoughts, you're not even your identity, you are consciousness , you are everything. Everything is already within you and you can tap into it anytime. You are whole and complete already, you don't lack anything and you dont NEED anything.
6. Be abundant
When you know you already have it all, you start having this abundant mindset. There are so many options, so many possibilities, so much love,money,opportunities all around you!
7. Focus on yourself
Don't be distorting your energy here and there, obsessing over that person or worrying about things outside of you too much. Remember ALWAYS go back to your self concept, focus on you. Who you are really in your core and how powerful you are. Circumstances don't matter, other ppl opinions don't matter, what others are doing don't matter, let them be. You are the main character
8. Center yourself
Centering yourself = bring grounded + present + secure. Being calm and collected. At peace with yourself
9. Inner security
This is so important. Inner security births true confidence, its not coming from a place of ego but a place of love, of knowing your worth and value. Not seeking anyone's attention/approval/validation.
10. Detach
Let go of needing anything or "trying" to be anything" just be. Decide. Embody this energy , you already have it within and its just waiting for u to tap into it. Believe in yourself
🌹🫶
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sweaterkittensahoy · 6 months
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Stop misappropriating the abuse and trauma cults use through purity culture for your stupid fucking shipping discourse? Holy fuck no wonder everyone hates this whole discourse.
Since when is "priests getting shuffled around after raping kids and kids being told they're sinful because they had bodily reactions to being SAd" comparable to "Bobo the clown said my ship was cringe"
I'm not gonna answer this with The Aristocrats, as a I threatened, because I want to make a very serious point to this anon:
Purity culture isn't just religious abuse. It is most widely connected to religious abuse. Including actions in the Catholic Church and all fundamentalist Christianity. It's entire existence is about terrifying and indoctrinating people into being fearful of their own actions and bodies so that they feel certain that moving out from the "umbrella of safety" (to use a fundamentalist term) will result in them being harmed in ways they can't imagine. This is generally happening at the same time as they are being harmed by those who are supposed to be keeping them safe from all those terrible, worldly evils. Like speaking up when you're being abused. Believing you are not responsible for the actions of a rapist, and many, many other things that any person with an ounce of self-worth and good sense (two things not allowed in fundamentalist circles) knows are true in abuse situations.
But the point of the purity culture as identity in the above-mentioned circles is to teach people from birth that they aren't to have their own feelings, ideas, or instincts. They are only to follow the feelings, ideas, and instincts on the approved list in order to stay within the structures they know and feel safe in even as they feel very unsafe.
That being said:
Purity culture can also exist WITHOUT a religious structure while still being about controlling the thoughts, feelings, and actions of everyone within it. In terms of fandom, purity culture is groups of people stating that if you write something uncomfortable or gross or immoral, then YOU must be uncomfortable or gross or immoral and therefore, not worthy of the safety and moral superiority of the group.
Purity culture without religion teaches black and white thinking, encourages thought policing, and shames anyone who steps outside of a very narrow definition of good and bad by turning an entire group of people against them for being "bad".
Just like in religious circles.
Just like in the cult of fundamentalism.
Purity culture is a term taken by fundamentalists and turned into a whole way of life because the goal of fundamentalism is to make people too scared to leave. Purity culture in fandom does the same thing. It uses fear and threats of abandonment/harassment to control the way people act because a group of people decided they didn't like something, so they must try and wipe it out rather than simply ignore it.
I am not mis-using the term because "Bobo the clown said my ship was cringe." My use of the term is intentional and precise because what is happening in fandom spaces now is non-religious purity culture cult thinking. My use of the term does not invalidate or water down the use of it in conversations about religious abuse and trauma. With or without religion, purity culture is a dangerous cult of "us vs them" that is built to demoralize and eradicate those deemed unworthy.
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sensualnoiree · 1 month
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astro notes: jupiter through the houses pt.2
Symbolizing wisdom, luck, and spiritual growth, Jupiter guides us through journeys of abundance and higher learning. As it rules Sagittarius and Pisces, and co-rules Pisces with Neptune, its reach extends to philosophical pursuits, foreign travel, and spiritual exploration. From its exaltation in Cancer to its debilitation in Capricorn, Jupiter's placement illuminates our beliefs, aspirations, and sense of justice. Throughout this exploration of Jupiter's journey through the houses, we unravel its transformative power and guiding light, embracing its blessings of prosperity, abundance, and divine guidance.
Jupiter in the 4th House:
With Jupiter gracing your fourth house of home and family, you are blessed with a deep sense of emotional fulfillment and inner stability. Your home is a source of comfort and sanctuary, providing you with a strong foundation from which to navigate the challenges of life.
Your emotional resilience and stability make you a pillar of strength for your loved ones, and you may find that you are able to offer wise counsel and support during times of difficulty. Your relationship with your mother is particularly close and nurturing, and you may find that she plays a significant role in shaping your values and beliefs.
Family gatherings and traditions hold special significance for you, and you may take great pleasure in creating a warm and welcoming environment for those you hold dear. You have a deep appreciation for the importance of roots and heritage, and you may find that you are drawn to explore your ancestry or preserve family traditions for future generations.
However, it's important to guard against the tendency to become too attached to the past or overly protective of your emotional boundaries. With Jupiter's influence here, there may be a temptation to cling to familiar patterns or resist change, even when it is necessary for growth and evolution. Remember to embrace the opportunities for expansion and growth that come from stepping outside of your comfort zone.
Overall, Jupiter in the fourth house blesses you with emotional security, familial bonds, and a deep connection to your roots. Embrace the blessings of home and family, and use them as a source of strength and inspiration as you navigate the journey of life.
Jupiter in the 5th House:
With Jupiter gracing your fifth house of creativity and self-expression, you possess a boundless imagination and a zest for life that is truly infectious. Your creative talents are vast and varied, and you may find that you excel in artistic pursuits such as music, theater, or writing.
Your love life is characterized by passion and romance, and you may find that you attract partners who share your love of adventure and excitement. Your children, if you have them, are a source of joy and inspiration, and you may take great pleasure in nurturing their talents and encouraging their dreams.
Creativity and self-expression are central to your sense of identity, and you may find that you are drawn to activities that allow you to express yourself authentically and freely. Whether through artistic endeavors or playful pursuits, you have a natural gift for infusing joy and positivity into everything you do.
However, it's important to guard against the tendency to overindulge in pleasure or become overly attached to external validation. With Jupiter's influence here, there may be a temptation to seek validation and approval from others, rather than finding fulfillment from within. Remember to cultivate a sense of self-worth that is independent of external recognition, and focus on expressing yourself authentically from the heart.
Overall, Jupiter in the fifth house blesses you with creativity, romance, and joyous self-expression. Embrace the blessings of love and creativity, and use them to infuse every aspect of your life with passion, vitality, and purpose.
Jupiter in the 6th House:
With Jupiter gracing your sixth house of health and service, you are blessed with a deep sense of compassion and a desire to make a positive difference in the world. Your work ethic is strong, and you may find fulfillment in roles that allow you to serve others or contribute to the greater good.
Your health tends to be robust, and you may possess a natural talent for healing and holistic living. Whether through physical fitness, dietary choices, or spiritual practices, you have a deep appreciation for the importance of maintaining balance and well-being in all areas of your life.
Your generosity knows no bounds, and you may find that you are constantly seeking opportunities to lend a helping hand or support those in need. Your compassionate nature and strong sense of social responsibility make you a valuable asset to your community, and you may find fulfillment in roles that allow you to advocate for justice and equality.
However, it's important to guard against the tendency to become overly self-sacrificing or perfectionistic in your approach to work and service. With Jupiter's influence here, there may be a temptation to take on too much responsibility or become overly critical of yourself and others. Remember to prioritize self-care and set healthy boundaries, ensuring that you are able to give freely without depleting your own resources.
Overall, Jupiter in the sixth house blesses you with compassion, service, and a deep desire to make a positive impact in the world. Embrace the blessings of health and well-being, and use them to create a brighter, more compassionate world for yourself and those around you.
follow for more astro insights like this and support me over on instagram @sensualnoire or yt @quenysefields
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astrojulia · 8 months
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Our Emotional Pains
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The moon in our natal chart represents our most emotional aspect and the potential pains it may endure, often influenced by childhood experiences. Remember that each individual is unique, and not all aspects listed here may apply to you due to various reasons. However, some tendencies are more likely to occur.
If you experience emotional pain in any area, seeking professional help from a psychologist, therapist, or acupuncturist is recommended. The moon encourages us to seek assistance from others without fear. Additionally, you can find steps to improve self-esteem in my series of posts "here." Always prioritize self-care.
ಇ. Moon in the 1st House: People with the Moon in the 1st house find their emotional identity deeply intertwined with their self-image. They may feel dependent on others' emotional validation to feel good about themselves, regardless of financial status or intelligence. Emotionally, they may experience fluctuations based on how they are perceived by others. To improve, they should focus on inner strength, firm spiritual practices, and being more self-directed.
ಇ. Moon in the 2nd House: For those with the Moon in the 2nd house, emotional security is closely tied to their financial stability. They might feel profoundly affected by financial losses, experiencing emotional turbulence when facing economic challenges. To alleviate this, they need to understand that their worth isn't solely tied to material possessions and recognize that they are supported by the abundance of the universe.
ಇ. Moon in the 3rd House: Individuals with the Moon in the 3rd house have an emotional charge connected to their thoughts and areas of learning, such as education and communication. They may have learned to suppress or avoid their feelings, leading to toxic ways of dealing with emotions. To find balance, they should embrace a healthy approach to feelings and consider seeking support from self-help books or therapeutic resources.
ಇ. Moon in the 4th House: With the Moon in the 4th house, emotional ties to family are strong and may sometimes lead to giving excessive control over one's life to family members. They might have a deep love for their family, even covering up negative emotions stemming from past experiences. Seeking therapy to address buried emotional pain from the past can be essential for their growth.
ಇ. Moon in the 5th House: Individuals with the Moon in the 5th house have a profound emotional connection to children and, if they are mothers, may feel a strong sense of responsibility. Their relationship with their own mother significantly impacts their mothering style, and they may try to compensate for any deficiencies they experienced in their maternal relationship. Therapy can help them work through these complex emotional dynamics.
ಇ. Moon in the 6th House: Those with the Moon in the 6th house feel emotionally connected to their job and might become overly absorbed in it. Imbalances in work-life can manifest physically, often causing digestive issues or stomach discomfort. Learning to set boundaries between your job and personal life and finding emotional fulfillment outside of work is crucial.
ಇ. Moon in the 7th House: Emotionally, people with the Moon in the 7th house find support and security through relationships, which can sometimes lead to dependency on their partners. They may place a lot of emotional responsibility on others, neglecting their own emotional needs. To cultivate healthier relationships, they need to take personal responsibility for their emotions and maintain a sense of individuality within partnerships.
ಇ. Moon in the 8th House: Individuals with the Moon in the 8th house have deep emotional issues tied to their family, particularly their mother. They may have experienced early traumatic events that exposed them to life's darker aspects, leading them to explore taboo or hidden subjects. Self-awareness and self-knowledge are crucial in recognizing and accepting their inner truths.
ಇ. Moon in the 9th House: For those with the Moon in the 9th house, emotional support comes from their philosophical beliefs and convictions. They may have emotional ties to their educational experiences, which can lead to revisiting themes from the past. The relationship with their mother might be seen as wise and influential, but it can also burden them with heavy expectations.
ಇ. Moon in the 10th House: Emotionally, individuals with the Moon in the 10th house are deeply connected to their career and may feel emotionally vulnerable to criticism of their work. They seek to be seen as nurturing figures in their professional roles. Finding emotional fulfillment in their life's mission and recognizing their value beyond their work can be transformative.
ಇ. Moon in the 11th House: People with the Moon in the 11th house place great importance on friendships, seeking emotional support and acceptance from their social circle. They may struggle with feelings of pain and rejection when their need for acceptance isn't met. To build healthier relationships, they need to be authentic and avoid wearing masks to please others.
ಇ. Moon in the 12th House: Individuals with the Moon in the 12th house are highly sensitive to the pain of others, often absorbing emotions from those around them. They may feel guilty for actions that weren't their responsibility. Emotionally, they have a deep desire to protect others and may have experienced emotional entanglements with their mother. Learning to establish emotional boundaries and finding healthy coping mechanisms is vital to their well-being.
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The Healing Process
To heal your moon you need to learn to deal with your past, instincts and emotions and this is done with the energy of your sign, the general energy of this healing is:
ಇ. Aries: courage, leadership, drive, motivation to start projects and move forward, even with obstacles.
ಇ. Taurus: care, affection, patience to observe, see it grow, follow its own development process and the growth of others.
ಇ. Gemini: communication, the good word, the kindness, the diplomacy to make contacts, transmit information and exchange opinions with people.
ಇ. Cancer: love, intimacy, protection, warmth and emotional support to feel loved and safe, participating in a family.
ಇ. Leo: joy, spontaneity, vanity, self-esteem so that we can continue to act correctly and be proud of ourselves.
ಇ. Virgo: productivity, love of work, the desire to be useful, to serve, to help ourselves and others.
ಇ. Libra: commitment, bond, engagement with others, sophistication, love of the arts and the delicacy that enchants and captivates the people around.
ಇ. Scorpio: silence, the depth, the mystery, the emotions, the possibility of divesting us and transforming us into better people.
ಇ. Sagittarius: hope, faith in the future, positive energy, interest in going much further to discover that the world is bigger.
ಇ. Capricorn: responsibility, discipline, ethics, wisdom obtained by age, respect for the elderly, willpower.
ಇ. Aquarius: friendship, fraternity, originality, innovation, respect for differences, unconditional love for human beings and nature.
ಇ. Pisces: faith, the connection with a higher dimension, simplicity, detachment, surrender to life.
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novlr · 10 months
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hi, how would you write a sense of detachment for someone but still feeling something there? like the character is trying so desperately hard to understand but they just can’t comprehend whether it’s because they refuse to, they can’t, or they just don’t remember something? i don’t know, kind of a weird question i guess
This is a two-prong question! Firstly, we have detachment, and secondly, we have incomprehension, both of which are different emotional states. Let's look at detachment first, and we'll consider incomprehension in a different post.
How to Write Characters with a Sense of Detachment
Characters with a sense of detachment offer a unique perspective, challenging readers to delve into the intricacies of human emotions and the complexities of forming connections. From emotionally distant individuals to socially detached personalities, exploring detachment opens doors to exploring themes of self-discovery, personal growth, and the search for true connection. But how do you write characters who are emotionally distant? Here are some quick tips to show, not tell characters with a sense of detachment.
Behaviours
Avoiding eye contact
Speaking in a monotone voice
Fidgeting or avoiding physical contact
Not showing excitement or enthusiasm
Refusing help or offers of support
Giving vague answers to questions
Interactions
Struggling to relate to others
Preferring solitude over socializing
Difficulty in forming close relationships
Difficulty in expressing emotions
Dismissing others' feelings or being insensitive towards them
Being guarded or intentionally vague in conversations
Physical Signs
Lack of facial expressions
Stiff posture or body language
Little to no physical touch or affection
Unkempt appearance or disregard for personal hygiene
Tendency to keep distance from others
Habits like staring out of windows or picking at nails
Visual Cues and Imagery
Using minimalist and simple designs in their home or office
Wearing muted and plain clothing
Utilizing bleak or empty landscapes in their surroundings
Portraying a sense of emptiness and hopelessness
Using shadows or darkness to enhance detachment
Using silence as a tool to emphasize detachment
Internal Thoughts
Lack of self-worth or identity
Little emotion or empathy towards others
A feeling of general apathy or resignation
An intense focus on rationality over emotions
Difficulty in recognizing and addressing emotional issues
Distancing oneself from their own thoughts and feelings
Body Language
Lack of eye contact or facial expressions
Standing at a distance from others
Crossing arms or legs as a barrier
Staying still or avoiding physical movement
Avoiding physical touch or contact
Restless or fidgeting behaviour
Feelings
Numb or deadened emotions
Apathy and lack of interest in most situations
Difficulty experiencing joy or happiness
A sense of detachment and isolation from others
Irritability or frustration when confronted with emotional situations
A feeling of being out of touch with oneself and others
Attitudes
A focus on rationality and logic over emotions
A tendency to pull away from people and situations
Believing that detachment is a positive trait
Experiencing a lack of fulfilment in life
Feeling like they are on the outside looking in
Perceiving others as needy or overly emotional
Positive Outcomes
An ability to stay calm in stressful situations
Being able to solve problems objectively
An ability to make rational decisions without influence by emotions
Maintaining a level head in dangerous situations
Being able to maintain privacy and distance when necessary
The ability to think clearly and analyze situations without distractions
Negative Outcomes
Struggling to form close relationships
Feeling disconnected from others
Experiencing emotional numbness or apathy
Becoming detached from one's own emotions and thoughts
Failing to recognize and address emotional issues
Feeling internal conflicts and a sense of dissatisfaction in life
Detachment can add layers to your characters, but it can also have consequences. When writing detached characters, consider the audience's level of empathy towards them, and make sure they experience some kind of character growth as the story progresses.
If you'd like a more in-depth look at writing detachment, you can also check out this post:
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posletsvet · 6 months
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Death Is a Mirror, or How Death Is Linked to the Sense of Self in Jujutsu Kaisen
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Death is a fulcrum of Jujutsu Kaisen's message, a major point of reference for both the audience and the characters within the story. Death is a mirror that catches and reflects the last light of a life reaching its end, a moment of full disclosure that overcomes all distances and renders all defenses permeable. Death is a mirror as it asks one question: who are we when there's no more need to lie?
The thread that binds together all major characters' deaths in Jujutsu Kaisen is how, despite multiple characters trying in an unreliable-narrator-sort of fashion to convince us otherwise, no one's truly alone in death. The connections that people forge with others throughout their lives become their tethers to the world -- and then reach even further, transcending death itself. This is how humans, using Jogo's words, can still linger after they die: through the loving memory of those they held dear.
No human exists in a vacuum. We live in the context of our relationships with the world, of getting to know and getting to be known in return. Our lives, in a sense, are a dialogue -- that's why we give and are given names. We shape the images of ourselves through establishing connections with others; our self-recognition and sense of self come from recognizing those connections. Once again, we learn the outllines of our souls by bumping into others.
These two concepts, recollecting your 'tethers' before death and acquiring self-reflection in others, are consistently brought together in the story. Before everything else, it's reflected in Yuuji's (who the story's focal point as its protagonist) idea of a meaningful death, one gone surrounded by those you love. Nobara, who possesses arguably the strongest sense of self with her loud proclamation 'I'm Nobara Kugisaki!' and who's highly conscious about her relationships with other people. Megumi, whose overarching struggle for self-determination has him relying on others to define his own worth and leaves him passively suicidal. Toji, who in his last moments thinks about his family and understands that by leaving them behind he deviated from his true self. Nanami, whose fading mind conjures the image of his closest friend and who, guided by that, chooses to go south and stay true to himself. Kokichi is yet another example, and actually quite an interesting one. His character is explored primarily through the juxtaposition between the concept of 'the body within the world' and his forced isolation, but who still contextualizes the world through his connections with his friends. It's no coincidence that Kokichi's character arc is closely linked to Mahito, who is dubbed a mirror of death.
In short, there's a plethora of instances where death and one's sense of self are tied to one another like that. I'll ramble a bit about how this correlation is discovered in both Gojo and Geto's characters below the cut.
The lack of self
Gojo is somebody who's essentially lacking both connections to others and a sense of self-identity. His entire personality is shaped around the notion that he's The Strongest, the very thing which prevents him, even if in his own mind, from building meaningful relationships with the people around him.
Not having to challenge or change his self-image, Gojo has little to no recognition of himself as a person outside of his title. He has never faced a need to discover himself in relation to the world; he was given a foundation to construct his identity on upon birth. Did he really need to grow past that and redefine himself? Satoru lacks self-reflection -- most literally.
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With Gojo's face obscured by the gaping void, we do not get to see his reflection. I'd say it's quite an apt visualization of Gojo's identity crisis. Who are you if not The Strongest? As Gojo's position is challenged with his Infinity suddenly overcome, this question is forced onto him.
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But as he's spent over a decade trying to escape answering it, he never got a chance to acquire a definitive answer. So now, in Shibuya, he flees from it once more.
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It's painfully ironic and at the same time fully logical that it is Geto who exposes this issue to Satoru as Gojo's sense of self is arguably connected to him more than anyone else. During their student years Suguru was the one who persistently rejected treating Gojo as a title and not a person, who looked through decorum and actively chose to see him not as Gojo Satoru, The Strongest but rather as Gojo Satoru, a teenage boy. For Gojo, it was through Geto recognizing him as a person that he was able to reach that recognition, too.
But after Toji Gojo is forced to seek self-affirmation and validate his ego by reclaiming his position, which was threatened by him losing to somebody for the first time. He tries to reinforce his self-image by separating himself from the world, which ultimately leads not only to his now automatic Infinity rendering him unreachable (= disconnected), but also to a loss of his sense of self as he loses his one and only connection.
As I've already said, with the Prison Realm breaching the defenses of Gojo's technique, this issue, his lack of a firm sense of identity beyond his title, is exposed to him once more. It's reflected in the way Satoru places his priorities post-unsealing. He fights Sukuna with seemingly a single purpose of cementing his position as the strongest sorcerer alive and thus regaining his uderstanding of who he is. The answer to this question has never lain in the plane of strength alone, though, and that is why Satoru fails utterly.
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But in death, as the relevance of his Infinity is eliminated, Gojo is finally able to reconnect with his sense of self. He's reverted to his teenage self, to the time he could still relate to somebody on a personal level and get stronger for it. The entirety of the 236 chapter, in a sense, is written as an affirmative: he is The Strongest because he is Satoru Gojo, not the opposite, but it's his death which makes him finally recognize this.
The deviation from self
Now, this image could not be intended as a visual parallel to Gojo's reflection, or lack of thereof, in the Prison Realm's eye. Nonetheless seeing that scene in Shibuya animated immediately reminded me of it, and I think there potentially might be some thematic similarities between the two as well.
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Talking about how our identities are defined by our connections to other people as much as our relationship with ourselves, it'd be only logical to assume that Geto should have a firm grasp on who he is. Not only is he a deeply self-reflective character, but also one who actively relates to others.
However, Geto's reflection in Gojo's eyes is unclear and uncertain, almost indistinguishable. It might be a neat way to convey how, finally taking a moment to look at his best friend for the first time since SPVI, Gojo doesn't really recognize him for how much he's changed. But it also could hint at how Geto, driven to the point where he bends and warps his beliefs to justify his actions, also bends and warps his sense of self.
At least how I see it, the image above calls to mind this panel:
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The moment Geto tells Satoru he's decided on 'his true feelings' which would define him as a person. Isn't it ironic how in the exact same conversation he talks about how the goal he's settled upon is only possible for Gojo, meaning striving to achieve it would be akin to trying to become someone he's not? The light novel outright tells us as much:
This was the final confession of a man who could only choose to warp himself, who had erased himself in pursuit of his goals. The only person who could bear such a curse was Gojo Satoru.
In this light it's interesting how Gojo's struggle with his sense of self makes itself known through something which threatens his position as The Strongest, whereas Geto's is reflected in the eyes of someone to whom he refers while saying 'If I could become you...', deviating from himself.
A major factor of overcoming trauma is embracing the inadequacy of what happened. So, to a certain extent, by becoming an enemy to the system Suguru wants to prove the world of jujutsu sorcerers wrong and himself -- right. It once again reminds me of Toji's dying thoughts.
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The flip side of 'deciding on your true feelings' is ultimately anchoring your entire identity to what is just a single aspect of it. People exist in motion, and our personalities are in actuality as dynamic and complex as our relationships. But Geto bound his self-definition to what was rather simply a reactive feeling, so in the end he inevitably failed to live up to it.
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And once again, it's exposed at the moment of Suguru's death. In his case, though, this failure is also what leads to his defeat and consequent death in the first place. I also find it curious how Geto's face is the first thing Gojo sees in the afterlife, while Gojo's face is the last thing Geto sees and acknowledges in his life. And just like Gojo, in his last moments Suguru reminisces about their shared past.
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The image almost mirrors what we saw in the chapter 236, suggesting how Geto's true self is in turn tied to Satoru. Despite how vague and uncertain their relationship's come to be, the two are rendered inseperable even in death -- or rather, in death especially.
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goldmanguyperson · 4 months
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a little message to my therian friends: Do not use the Therian Guide Forums.
The owner of the site, Dustwolf, is transphobic and supports it under the guise of “allowing free speech” as well as supposedly defending biology. Specifically, he is against and tacitly supports people who are against especially genders based around species, or who are otherwise outside of the binary and whatever could be considered in between. He did nothing about people arguing to me that they do not need to respect a person’s gender because of culture or (bad) biology.
He essentially told me that they deserve to have “free speech”. Told me that he was doing what he was to “protect the community”. Like, protect who? The bigots? Your small little bigoted group of therians? Really?
Other things—Sysmedicalism was endorsed by the previous owner (and also literal child predator and bestiality committer. he has since been banned but co owner Dustwolf remains as sole owner) LycanTheory. The wording he uses includes rejecting self diagnoses of disorders that go under the label of plurality, and asks way too much personal, even confidential information of systems—“why should we accept anybody’s claims of ‘plurality’ without a professional diagnosis or history of treatment”. r/systemcringe talking points get regurgitated there as well.
The forums also allow discussion of zoophilia while at the same time banning mention of consent, and i really hope i do not have to explain why this is pretty gross and dangerous.
Rejected and banned members on the forum get labeled as “human”. Disrespecting somebody’s identity for any reason is pretty disgusting. Don’t particularly care what theyve done to make people believe they should be treated that way.
Dustwolf and previous co-owner LycanTheory have advocated for therian seperatism and clearly look down on non-therians under the alterhuman umbrella. Dustwolf does so while simultaneously trying to dunk on feminism and “identity politics”.
I saw kids applying to be on these forums when i was first trying to learn about my otherkinity and found this website (it is considerably high up in search results relating to therian information). I am worried for them. Please warn people against using this website as best you can. The sense of community you might get there is just not worth the potential damage to your identity journey and emotional state.
A deeper look can be found at this link: https://invisibleotherkin.neocities.org/Resource-Masterlist/Therian-Guide-Beware
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chickemz · 5 days
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Though the adventure bible says Falin hardly registered the villagers fear and harassment, I still think she sensed something about their unease about her and her classmates avoided her, being othered from people at a young age is a very isolating feeling that sticks with u and could definitely lead to having low self esteem. she doesn’t really think much of herself, especially if she thinks she wasn’t worth saving if it puts everyone else in grave danger.
She understands why her father sent her away and she understands why her brother got angry and left that’s why she doesn’t seem to bore any grudges against either of them. But to me, that just seems like she rationalizes any hurt she’s experienced at the hands of her loved ones. She probably suppresses any feeling of loneliness and betrayal she may have felt and immersed herself into her own interests, similar to laios.
People with low self esteem are also often influenced easily. I do think falin’s interest in dungeons and magic are genuine, but it’s a wonder why she never really explored anything outside of it. I think it’s great that we see a snippet of Falin’s character growth with her response to Shuro. Falin is finally able to explore herself, her identity, outside of being laios’s little sister or marcille’s friend.
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astrologged · 1 year
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Chiron in the houses (Composite)
Chiron in the composite chart represents the healing journey that a couple will embark on together. The placement of Chiron in a house in the composite chart shows where the couple is likely to experience pain and vulnerability, but also where they have the potential to find deep healing and growth together. 
1st House: There is a shared wound or sensitivity related to self-expression, identity, or physical appearance. There’s a deep sense of insecurity or feeling different from others that both partners share. However, this placement can also indicate a strong desire to heal and overcome these issues together. In some cases, this can also mean that the relationship itself is a source of healing and growth for both partners, and that they have a strong sense of purpose or destiny together. The first house is associated with the self, the physical body, and the individual identity, so having Chiron here can indicate a need to work on these issues both individually and together in the relationship.
2nd House: There may be wounds related to self-worth, material possessions, and finances in the relationship. The second house also represents values and self-esteem, so the relationship may bring up deep emotional issues related to self-esteem and self-worth. There could also be shared wounds around money and material possessions, leading to a shared desire for financial security and stability. This placement indicates the potential for the relationship to bring about healing and growth in these areas of life, with both partners learning to value themselves and each other in new ways.
3rd House: A healing and transformative dynamic in communication and mental connections between the two in the relationship. They have shared wounds related to communication, learning, and self-expression that they can help each other heal. This placement also indicates a spiritual connection through shared interests and intellectual pursuits. The individuals are able to help each other develop new skills and perspectives, and to communicate more effectively and compassionately.
4th House: There might be deep emotional wounds and issues related to the family, childhood, and the sense of belonging. The wound may be related to feeling abandoned, neglected, or unsupported by family members or a sense of feeling like an outsider within the family dynamic. This placement also indicates a desire to create a healing environment and to build a nurturing home life for oneself and one's partner. There's a need to confront and heal old family patterns and issues, and to establish a sense of emotional security and stability. This placement can offer an opportunity for deep emotional healing and growth through facing and resolving past wounds related to family and home life.
5th House: This relationship has the potential to bring up wounds related to creativity, self-expression, and matters related to children. The fifth house represents our creative self-expression, including hobbies, artistic pursuits, romance, and children. With Chiron in the fifth house, there's a sense of insecurity or a wound related to self-expression or creativity that the relationship can help to heal. This could manifest as a fear of expressing oneself creatively or a sense of being unworthy of attention or recognition for one's artistic abilities. Alternatively, the wound could be related to children, such as fertility issues or past trauma related to parenting or childhood. This placement can also indicate that the relationship has the potential to facilitate healing in these areas. Through creative self-expression or the experience of raising children together, the partners may find a sense of purpose and healing that helps to integrate the Chironic wound.
6th House: This placement migth bring up old wounds related to work or health that need to be healed. The couple is able to help each other find new ways to approach their work, improve their health, and develop a more effective daily routine. Chiron in the 6th house also indicates a need for the couple to be of service to others in some way. Their relationship is most fulfilling when they are able to use their skills to help others, such as volunteering or working in a helping profession. This placement can also cause to take on too much responsibility in work or service to the point of sacrificing their own health and wellbeing. The couple need to learn to balance their desire to be of service with taking care of themselves first.
7th House: The relationship between the two has a strong focus on healing past relationship wounds or issues with trust and intimacy. There’s a tendency for both to attract partners who need healing in some way or who carry wounds related to relationships. The relationship itself can become a source of healing and growth, but it might also bring up old wounds and trigger emotional pain that needs to be addressed. There's also a sense of shared vulnerability and a need for mutual support and understanding in order to overcome relationship challenges.
8th House: This relationship has deep, intense and transformative aspects that could bring about psychological healing and growth. The couple may face some challenges related to trust, intimacy and vulnerability. The 8th house is associated with shared resources, including physical and emotional intimacy, and Chiron's placement here can indicate that past wounds and traumas related to these areas may be triggered and need to be addressed for the relationship to thrive. With effort and willingness to face these challenges, this placement can also bring profound emotional healing and a deeper understanding of each other's emotional needs and vulnerabilities.
9th House: Growth can come through exploring and expanding one's spiritual beliefs and knowledge. The relationship has a deep and meaningful impact on the individual's philosophies, spirituality, and worldview. The couple find that they share similar beliefs or that they can learn from each other in this area. There’s a tendency to become dogmatic or overly attached to one's beliefs, which could lead to conflict and the need for healing in this area. There’s a need for growth and healing in matters related to spirituality, education, and belief systems.
10th House: A healing and transformative energy in the area of career, public image, and reputation. They help each other to confront any past wounds or traumas related to professional goals or ambitions, and help each other to develop a more empowered and authentic approach to their careers. There’s a shared desire to make a positive impact in the world through their work, and a willingness to work through any challenges that arise in the pursuit of their goals.
11th House: Healing and growth are associated with the relationship's contribution to society. There's a shared sense of purpose in the relationship. There may also be some wounds and past traumas associated with group dynamics or past experiences in social settings that need to be addressed and healed in the relationship. With Chiron's influence, this healing process can be challenging but ultimately rewarding and transformative. The relationship helps both individuals to work through their own individual wounds and develop a greater sense of belonging and connection to the wider community.
12th House: The relationship between the two has a significant spiritual or mystical component. Both feel a sense of purpose or destiny to work together to heal old wounds and emotional pain that they may have carried with them from past lives or childhood. They also have a strong connection to the subconscious and feel a deep sense of empathy and compassion for one another. On the negative side, this placement can indicate that both individuals may struggle with self-sabotage or self-destructive patterns that need to be addressed in order for the relationship to grow and evolve.
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cyanogoth · 1 year
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A nonexistent human being. Or is he? (character analysis of Johan Liebert)
A few months ago I’ve read a book which was recommended by one of the Monster’s fans, - “The Divided Self” by Ronald David Laing. He suggested Laing’s work to everyone who’s confused about Johan’s mindset and motivations, just as I’m sure a lot of us were… It was a GREAT recommendation, so insightful that I wanted to share my thoughts and the interpretation I developed.
Any blockquote in this post is from “The Divided Self”, there will be too many to sign each of them, so just keep that in mind :)
It’s going to be a painfully long read, but hopefully a rewarding one too.
PART 1: DEFINITION OF ONTOLOGICAL INSECURITY, TRUE AND FALSE SELF
Firstly we need to get familiar with a few concepts from Laing’s work which will be important for understanding the rest of the essay. His book describes schizoids and schizophrenics, exploring the mechanisms behind their illness. But it is important to understand that he, although a psychiatrist, acknowledged mental illness primarily as an existential/philosophical problem rather than a purely medical one. He saw more value in understanding the patient's experience of the world rather than endlessly examining and manipulating their body. 
The first term we will need is ontological insecurity. Let's compare how Laing describes someone who is confident in his own reality - and someone who is not.
The individual, then, may experience his own being as real, alive, whole; as differentiated from the rest of the world in ordinary circumstances so clearly that his identity and autonomy are never in question; as a continuum in time; as having an inner consistency, substantiality, genuineness, and worth; as spatially coextensive with the body; and, usually, as having begun in or around birth and liable to extinction with death. He thus has a firm core of ontological security.
<...>
The individual in the ordinary circumstances of living may feel more unreal than real; in a literal sense, more dead than alive; precariously differentiated from the rest of the world, so that his identity and autonomy are always in question. <… > He may feel more insubstantial than substantial, and unable to assume that the stuff he is made of is genuine, good, valuable. And he may feel his self as partially divorced from his body.
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If a position of primary ontological security has been reached, the ordinary circumstances of life do not afford a perpetual threat to one's own existence. If such a basis for living has not been reached, the ordinary circumstances of everyday life constitute a continual and deadly threat.
For an individual who’s unsure of his own existence, life becomes a constant struggle to preserve his self. All efforts are made to avoid engulfment, implosion, petrification. Fear of being absorbed is essentially fear of being understood, caught up, seen, loved, "grasped".
To be understood correctly is to be engulfed, to be enclosed, swallowed up, drowned, eaten up, smothered, stifled in or by another person's supposed all-embracing comprehension. It is lonely and painful to be always misunderstood, but there is at least from this point of view a measure of safety in isolation.
The way to deal with this fear is to take one’s true self out of the real world, completely out of reach of other people. A true self withdraws into the depths of the inner world, its connection with an individual’s body is interrupted. That which interacts with the "outside" world and controls actions, movements, words, facial expressions is the false self. A carefully falsified image designed to deflect the gaze of others.
…[he] never allows himself to 'be himself in the presence of anyone else. He avoids social anxiety by never really being with others. He never quite says what he means or means what he says. The part he plays is always not quite himself. He takes care to laugh when he thinks a joke is not funny, and look bored when he is amused. <…> No one, therefore, really knows him, or understands him. He can be himself in safety only in isolation, albeit with a sense of emptiness and unreality. With others, he plays an elaborate game of pretense and equivocation. His social self is felt to be false and futile. - Laing describing his patient
However, another fear, of petrification, or objectification, clashes with the previous one. Fear of being absorbed makes one flee from the gaze of others, but by hiding from it, an individual ceases to be perceived by anyone, which once again puts their substantiality into question. An individual is very much afraid of being perceived by others as an object, as something inanimate, as a machine, as an “it” without subjectivity. It’s as if any potential observer is Medusa, who can instantly turn an individual to stone with a mere gaze. This fear pushes a person to "existential suicide" - he pretends to be "dead", giving up his own autonomy before someone else can deaden him and treat him as an inanimate object. Also, as a way of protecting himself, an individual might turn everyone around him into stone too - because a phantom, hallucination, or an object couldn’t harm him, only real human beings are capable of such.
Fear of implosion is the same as fear of absorbing the real experience of life. An individual is empty, he is a vacuum - but this vacuum he begins to think of as himself. Any substantial relationship with the world and people threatens to "tear" him, so he avoids it, too.
Now let’s clarify what is false self, how it relates to the true one and the world.
If the individual delegates all transactions between himself and the other to a system within his being which is not 'him', then the world is experienced as unreal, and all that belongs to this system is felt to be false, futile, and meaningless.
Here’s an illustration from “The Divided Self” to better visualize what is meant here.
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The reality of the world and of the self are mutually potentiated by the direct relationship between self and other. In Figure 2, there is a vicious circle.
the person who does not act in reality and only acts in phantasy becomes himself unreal.
The true self resides in an imaginary, devoid world of phantoms. It becomes unembodied, not represented in the real world. The real world, in return, loses its vitality in the eyes of a schizoid, viewed now as filled with objects.
The false self is a mask, a performance, an imaginary identity with little or nothing to do with the true self of the individual. Laing describes cases in which the false self starts to emerge in childhood and such children are described by their parents as remarkably obedient, compliant, undemanding. They conform perfectly to the expectations of the family and the environment. They begin to mockingly imitate what is desired of them. This is not necessarily an absurdly "good" image; it can also be absurdly evil, if that is what the world wishes the individual to be.
The point of having a false self is to not let any part of the true one slip to the real world, where an individual has no power over what will be done to it. To give something about him away is to rely on others mercy, and it’s a risk a schizoid can't afford.
in reality, in 'the objective element', nothing of 'him' shall exist, and no footprints or fingerprints of the 'self shall have been left.
Now to the interesting part - how all of that correlates to Johan.
PART 2: ROOTS OF JOHAN’S ONTOLOGICAL INSECURITY
Firstly, of course, dressing up as a sister. He probably could sense already that it’s done for a reason, not for the fun of it. The family led “a quiet life”, which is probably difficult to do with two kids. So, my suggestion: the twins grew up with the feeling that they have to hide from some sort of danger and avoid attention. But, Anna didn’t have to hide her real appearance, unlike Johan, for whom pretending to be someone else became an important part of remaining safe.
Did he conceal as someone else, or was he only an imposter for the real human that for sure is present in the world?
Because everyone, besides mother and sister, only knew the sister, the girl, the daughter. She was definitely real. Was he really ever there?
Even the mother couldn’t tell them apart. He became an illusory twin.
The moment their mother hesitated could only solidify Johan’s intrusive thoughts. She had someone in mind, could it be that she hesitated because at that exact moment couldn’t tell where the kid she’d given up?
Did he only stand a chance to live, physically and existentially, only if he concealed as someone else? Because if people could see him for what he truly was, he would not be saved.
My guess is that Johan's perception of himself was so distorted that he no longer thought of himself as the real thing; that the true self worth protecting wasn’t inside of him, it was his sister, and he was fake in his entirety. He was a mere pretender who had to ward off danger from the true self. Johan's saying "I am you, and you are me" and referring to Anna as "my other self" indirectly confirms my assumption - he began to see himself and his sister as an integrated system, where he is nothing more than a facade and his sister is the living, real, substantial, human one.
The mother's hesitance in choosing between the two children added fuel to Johan's already flimsy sense of his own substantiality. What if she was not choosing between the twins, but simply could not at that moment figure out which one was which? Keeping a particular child in mind, she just couldn't tell who was really the kid she was thinking of and who was posing as such? Where is the real child and where is the false one?
The feeling of insecurity, the loneliness, the pain of their mother's abandonment, the sympathy for this sister, and the enormous guilt that the real one of them two had fallen into clutches of monsters. The twins' whole life consisted of constant attempts of intruders to destroy their lives and identities.
The days after Anna’s return prior to being found on Czech-German border mark Johan’s existential death.
Something in him collapsed in that interval of time. When his mother was choosing between them, he was still a normal child (or, at least, nothing described in manga showed us his abnormality) - afraid of being abandoned by his mother, of being handed over to be torn apart by sinister strangers whose intentions were unknown, but from whom he’d been running for as long as he could remember. All these feelings died in him. When and how exactly, we don't know, but a completely different Johan crosses the Czech-German border - detached, horrifyingly tranquil, indifferent to death. In a sense, he no longer has anything to fear, the short chain of events has been so devastating that he unknowingly committed existential suicide. Even if it’s death that’s awaiting them, no one will be able to put their hands on them, no one will be able to twist their souls and minds.
Laing’s patients often described their inner world as a wasteland, devoid of any sign of life. There are quotes from his book in which Laing talks about his patient and cites his words:
The self becomes desiccated and dead. In his dream world James experienced himself as even more alone in a desolate world than in his waking existence, for example:
“.. . I was standing in the middle of a barren landscape. It was absolutely flat. There was no life in sight. The grass was hardly growing. My feet were stuck in mud… ”
“. .. . I was in a lonely place of rocks and sand. I had fled there from something; now I was trying to get back to somewhere but didn't know which way to go… “
Reminds us of something, doesn’t it?
And it’s a precise reflection of Johan's world, the real Johan, where his self ended up imprisoned. However, he was a little luckier than the other schizoids - there was room for one more person in his world.
Mentally, Johan never made it out of that wasteland, only his body was saved. He calls this landscape a scenery of the Doomsday, not only because his body was close to death in that very space, but because it so strongly resembled Johan's inner landscape. It was the last place his soul has seen.
PART 3: KINDERHEIM 511 AND THE LIEBERTS
One’s true self, residing in a world of phantoms, ceases to engage with the real world through the individual's body. What is this body occupied with meanwhile?
Instead of being the core of his true self, the body is felt as the core of a false self, which a detached, disembodied, 'inner', 'true' self looks on at with tenderness, amusement, or hatred as the case may be. <…> The unembodied self, as onlooker at all the body does, engages in nothing directly.
This offers an answer as to why Kinderheim didn’t have the same destructive impact on Johan as it had on other children. His true self was already out of reach, it couldn’t be obtained no matter what they did to him externally.
They could get nothing from him. "They could only beat me up but they could not do me any real harm." That is, any damage to his body could not really hurt him.
In a sad way, the experiments on Johan's psyche were not successful, for he himself, quite unknowingly, subjected himself to all the horrors to which the Kinderheim warders were about to subject him.
You cannot kill what is dead, drain what’s empty, objectify what’s inanimate. That's why they didn't make it.
But Johan, of course, is the result they strived for but couldn’t achieve: a human so terrified and defenseless that is pushed to abandon his sensitivity in order to survive.
Thus, to forgo one's autonomy becomes the means of secretly safeguarding it; to play possum, to feign death, becomes a means of preserving one's aliveness. To turn oneself into a stone becomes a way of not being turned into a stone by someone else.
It seems to me that Johan was ready to settle down and stop running after escaping Kinderheim 511. But he left the orphanage with a critically dangerous revelation - sometimes it’s either you, or everyone else; his actions clearly show that he won’t hesitate to obliterate everything and everyone if it ensures safety. I just don’t think he expected to find himself in a similar position so soon, when he was adopted by Lieberts.
The thing about him is that he played along, he became what the world wanted him to become, yet it wasn’t enough to finally be left alone. The man they ran away from showed up at their doorstep and Johan lost his temper. Nothing helped the twins to escape monsters - living under different names, with different caregivers, in different places, together, separated- NOTHING was ever enough.
Maybe it was around the time his plan to be the last one standing was formed. Wiping out every sparkle of life from the world was the last attempt to gain safety.
Johan doesn’t care much about dying because his existential death has already happened, he already feels a lot more dead and frozen than alive. He already convinced himself that there’s nothing true about him, and out of two of them his sister is the true self. It doesn’t matter if he dies, he was never there from the start. But even after the gunshot he hopes to live through his sister.
Everything that comes after that wretched rainy night is an attempt to secure himself and his sister from the world that was on their tail for as long as they lived. He is ready to be separated from her and let her live under a different name if that’s how the monster finally loses track of her; he’s ready to enter the underworld, to take control of the German economy, to kill people.
It seems to me, because of the confinement of his true self in the realm of insubstantiality, he became unable to perceive people from the real world as alive and autonomous, that’s the sad reason why he could kill so easily. What he saw around were ghosts, objects that were mimicking human beings, not actual humans.
But there were exceptions.
Only Anna and Tenma are shown together with Johan in the wasteland of his inner world, where his true self dwells - them being there with him is a way of telling us, readers, that only these two truly know Johan. And therefore, only they can be spared.
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I just want to emphasize: for Johan, “destroying the world” and “be the last one standing” wasn’t something he did for fun, or just because he could. It’s the last endeavor of a tortured child convinced in hostility of all living things to find peace.
PART 4: THE TALE OF THE NAMELESS MONSTER
The self is, however, charged with hatred in its envy of the rich, vivid, abundant life which is always elsewhere; always there, never here. The self, as we said, is empty and dry. One might call it an oral self in so far as it is empty and longs to be and dreads being filled up. But its orality is such that it can never be satiated by any amount of drinking, feeding, eating, chewing, swallowing. It is unable to incorporate anything. It remains a bottomless pit; a gaping maw that can never be filled up.
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In the tale of the nameless monster, Johan can be both the monster and the boy who has been possessed by a foreign entity. That depends on how you interpret it.
This tale could be an allegory for what is happening to the twins, which are represented as nameless monsters. Johan could not remain himself, all the time hiding under different "faces'', changing names and identities. However, he couldn’t stay in any of them for long. His nature was bursting out, destroying these masks and whatever and whoever was around in the process. Nina on the other hand, even knowing her past, accepted the truth. Accepted her mother's choice and hardships she had to endure. She no longer tries to appear to be someone else, having chosen to move on with her life.
A second interpretation: Johan-the-Prince and our Johan are both weakened boys on a brink of death. For each of them, letting the Monster in, something scary, unnatural to humans, was a way to survive. So our Johan suppressed his sensitivity and susceptibility by pretending to be a not-quite-human, until traces and even references to his humanity have all but disappeared.
I don't think the fairytale manipulated Johan as a child, messing up his consciousness. What’s truly sinister about this picture book is that it foretold his fate.
As an adult, he picks up this book and sees himself in both the monster, who could not bear the present self and took on another's form, and the boy, who in an attempt to survive has ceased to be human, has destroyed everything around him. All that remains is solitude.
Imageries of the prince and the monster merge into one, and in one thing they are similar - in a fear of losing their lives, they lied primarily to themselves, and that lie destroyed the being of each of them. Neither monster nor prince really saved what they were protecting so desperately.
In addition, the book itself was an object from Johan's distant childhood, now almost forgotten, and served also as a reminder of the times when he was an ordinary, normal child.
Johan was wearing masks all the time, but the greatest of all his deceptions was not to live under the names “Johan Liebert”, “Franz Heinau”, “Erich Springer”, or any other for that matter. The most atrocious lie was to wear a mask of the nameless monster, even convincing himrself that this is who he is, that the emptiness and void is all there is to him. Wearing the guise of the nameless monster for years he had almost lost every memory of being human, and the book in his hands was a painful, violent reminder of his cowardly self-deception, his abandoned humanity, his forgotten self.
PART 5: I AM NOT YOU, AND YOU ARE NOT ME
From the moment the book falls into his hands, Johan probably realizes that his worldview is very much distorted. One of his fundamental beliefs about himself has been undermined, so debunking the rest of his illusions becomes a priority.
He remembers orchestrating the massacre at Kinderheim, but his belief that he was always capable of such things is shaken. He suspects that in his lost memories he will find the answer to the question he didn’t even think of asking. If he wasn’t born a monster, how did he become one?
We are not allowed to listen to the entire contents of the tape from Kinderheim 511. Only his attachment to Anna becomes apparent from it; but maybe he proceeds to talk about the Red Rose Mansion next. During interrogation he could recall his sister's words, which he heard again and again after her return. Her story was told in the first person POV: “I saw <....> I heard <…> I was <...> I ran <...>”. On recording he could repeat verbatim the words of his sister, and then, as an adult listening to it, misunderstand the meaning of those words. After all, he heard himself saying “I was taken <...>, I saw people die <...> , I ran away…” And only on the basis of this would he latch on to the story about the Red Rose Mansion as an explanation for what he had become.
Johan then decides to destroy the place. Although he clearly doesn’t recognize it, it doesn’t ring the bell yet.
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Johan at that moment still considers himself a single set of personalities with his sister, and believes that in his mother's eyes they looked the same.
I can only assume that he told Čapek that Nina would kill him because he mistakenly thought that Nina held the same opinion about their connection as he did. If he's willing to kill for her, she'll do the same. Of course, he was wrong: he saw himself as an extension, a shadow of his sister, taking her joy and pain as his own; Nina, as much as she loved her brother, did not see herself and him as one, and clearly drew boundaries between her being and Johan's.
The capacity to experience oneself as autonomous means that one has really come to realize that one is a separate person from everyone else. No matter how deeply I am committed in joy or suffering to someone else, he is not me, and I am not him.
The assumption of being taken away by Bonaparta and being cast aside by his mother was one of the last crutches guarding him from the horrifying truth - he was the one who turned himself into a monster.
He cries when he hears Nina's story. Realizing that they’re not one, and she has never perceived Johan in this way. She is not his true self, and he is not his sister's false self. He sees more and more clearly the outlines of the true self within him, and he does not like the picture emerging before him at all.
All the “saving” he was doing turned out to be a sham that didn’t bring any of the twins the expected result. He experienced the guilt of denying himself existence and grew so enraged that he decided to kill himself. He now saw his true self - destructive, without a good reason. And realized it had to be eradicated, along with the man, the Monster, who made him that way - Franz Bonaparta.
PART 6: RUHENHEIM
The final stage of Johan's collapse, the massacre at Ruhenheim.
When he gets to Bonaparta's old house and finds numerous sketches of him and his sister as children he understands that Bonaparta was not “a monster outside of him”.
He refers to him as such when meeting Čapek, implying that Franz is to blame for him becoming a murderer. Upon seeing these sketches he recognized that Bonaparta's intentions had changed greatly over the years, and both Anna and himself were able to escape their fate because of his suddenly awakened sympathy. Not that this excuses Bonaparta, he was the one who designed the experiment after all. But these sketches were a confirmation of his kind intentions towards the twins, whatever they may have been at the outset.
It turns out that when Bonaparta came to visit the Lieberts, he was no longer a threat to Johan and Anna. Johan now knew that the night he shot the Lieberts had indeed stumbled and made a fatal mistake which tore him apart from Anna and plunged him deeper into the abyss of despair.
The event that finally convinced him of the animosity of the world and the lack of a safe corner anywhere in it was a figment of his mind which was led by fear.
This discovery was the final straw for Johan. Any image he had of himself collapsed for good.
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The ending of "Monster" is Johan's realization of the fact that he undoubtedly Is. He exists, he is real, and he is him. And he was among the people who denied him the right to live; he was incapable of standing up for himself and recognizing his right to life, as his sister managed to do. He was so eager to erase any traces of himself from the world that didn’t notice the huge trail of blood dragging behind him, that was solid evidence of his existence, the only thing he had left.
He didn’t need to do horrible things that only left him and Nina traumatised. That left him all alone, miserable, separated from her.
He tried so hard to evade the evil people that he killed his Self before anyone had a chance to lay a hand on it.
When he set out to be nothing, his guilt was not only that he had no right to do all the things that an ordinary person can do, but that he had not the courage to do these things over and against and despite his conscience which sought to tell him that everything he did or could do in this life among other people was wrong. His guilt was in endorsing by his own decision this feeling that he had no right to life, and in denying himself access to the possibilities of this life.
After everything he learned about his past, Johan can’t forgive himself. For throwing himself into oblivion, for locking himself in the darkness. For making himself a monster that he was not born to be, that he had a chance not to become.
He was just as capable and deserving of normal life and real, deep connection with others as any other human being. He just convinced himself that he wasn’t one, and nobody dared to contradict him.
There is a desire in him to preserve not only himself from being consumed, but also those he cares about from himself. He thinks of his love as disastrous - because of it, Anna lost her brother and adoptive parents. Tenma, who saved him, was forced to be on the run for several years after becoming a murder suspect.
If there is anything the schizoid individual is likely to believe in, it is his own destructiveness. He is unable to believe that he can fill his own emptiness without reducing what is there to nothing. He regards his own love and that of others as being as destructive as hatred. To be loved threatens his self; but his love is equally dangerous to anyone else. His isolation is not entirely for his own self's sake. It is also out of concern for others. <…>
…what the schizoid individual feels daily. He says, 'It would not be fair to anyone I might love, to love him.' <…> He descends into a vortex of non-being in order to avoid being, but also to preserve being from himself.
He wishes to die now more than ever - a real death, this time. Not just existential, but total. The true end, as he called it.
Appearing in front of Bonaparta and Tenma, he doesn't aim at Franz, because he no longer blames Bonaparta for what he has become.
Johan said the only thing everyone is equal in is death, and what was behind his words: he says to Tenma that not everyone is worthy of saving, of being loved and forgiven, and Tenma should've finally realized this after meeting him and really knowing him. Because he's a monster, and being cheerful, having hope and light in their life is something that others can have, but he can’t; he's completely out of this human world and the only thing he has in common with everyone else is that they are mortal and so is he.
But even in his death he is mistaken. Once again believing he has no right to exist, he hopes to laugh at the world one last time, and die at the hands of the man who once saved him. After all, he certainly wouldn't have done it, knowing what Johan would grow up to be.
Isn’t that right, Dr. Tenma?…
Nina forgave him and the man who saved his life long time ago doesn’t regret his choice anymore and commits to it. The only people dear to him have recognized his right to live, whatever he may be.
Alas, how this affected him, we don’t know, and all we’re left with is speculation.
As a sentimental person, I want to believe that it meant something to Johan.
But what I really don't doubt is that Johan by the end is a completely different character to the one he used to be. Broken, disarmed, miserable. But it’s finally truly him.
"I think I must have figured out how the show ended. The Magnificent Steiner, he probably, became human again."
PART 7: THE FINAL ESCAPE
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A mother plays a huge role in the development of her children's ontological insecurity - sometimes by being outright dismissive, sometimes by simply enjoying the child's undemanding and calm nature.
Here's what you can read about the mother’s impact in “The Divided Self”, those are Laing's reflections and descriptions of several of his patients.
... we suggest that a necessary component in the development of the self is the experience of oneself as a person under the loving eye of the mother.
His own feeling about his birth was that neither his father nor his mother had wanted him and, indeed, that they had never forgiven him for being born. <…> He was treated as though he wasn't there.' For his part, not only did he feel awkward and obvious, he felt guilty simply at 'being in the world in the first place'. His mother had, it seems, eyes only for herself. She was blind to him. He was not seen.
She had a great deal to say about her mother. She was smothering her, she would not let her live, and she had never wanted her.
Johan’s mother's choice was the first one in the long list of his miseries, it also triggered his ontological insecurity. And how could it not arise when the mother herself abandoned one of her children?
However, Johan was unaware that his mother had thought up names for the two of them, even before he and Nina were born. It turns out that the arrival of the second child was not an unpleasant surprise to her, she was looking forward to having them both.
She had always acknowledged the existence of both her children, and in her eyes they certainly weren’t a one big entity divided by chance into two bodies, one of which was never meant to be there.
But Johan looks truly disturbed after listening to Tenma. And this new revelation could also be another beginning to despair.
There is a door that must not be opened. What lays behind it: a paradise, or another monster?
Tenma, by telling him that the mother had given names to both of them, might have brought Johan down to a new hell. Where the mother recognised the reality of both her children and yet seriously chose which of them to keep.
This sort of thing doesn’t happen in real life, but since it’s fiction we’re talking about, I think we should pay attention to the fact that Johan wakes up only after hearing Tenma’s words. There is a symbolic meaning of him being stuck between life and death for so long.
It’s like he was resisting to be alive again, refusing to stay awake, choosing to be in a coma rather than walk this Earth again. But yet he didn’t die - a part of Johan was holding onto life despite all the horrors it brought to him.
In his last waking moments, he was miserable after discovering all the truth about himself. He really wanted to die, he thought it was the only thing he was deserving of; but Tenma didn’t shot him, his sister forgave him - and it wasn’t the outcome he expected at all. It started an inner conflict he didn’t have the time to resolve.
Johan as well could see the memory of mother’s choice in a different light. By opening up to Tenma he admitted it as a serious enough cause for him to abandon his humanity, as he really was living in a world full of threats. Hiding and pretending came natural to a child that didn’t know any better. And his mother, however hurtful her choice was and how wrong was the very fact of it, loved both of her children, Johan knows that for sure now. Maybe, he could finally forgive himself for becoming a monster. There was no one left to blame for the way he had turned out, no one to take revenge on - even himself.
(I know it can be confusing, so I’ll clarify, just in case - by “forgiving himself” i don't mean he simply dismissed the damage he did to others. He could only forgive the one he, with his own hands, inflicted upon himself, finally realizing, he had no other choice in his circumstances.)
He had a chance to accept that he had the right to exist all along, from the very beginning.
Finally, I want to get into the last excerpt from Laing's book. These are his patient's words from their conversation.
I could only be good if you saw it in me. It was only when I looked at myself through your eyes that I could see anything good. Otherwise, I only saw myself as a starving, annoying brat whom everyone hated and I hated myself for being that way. I wanted to tear out my stomach for being so hungry. 
<…> Everyone should be able to look back in their memory and be sure he had a mother who loved him, all of him; even his piss and shit. He should be sure his mother loved him just for being himself; not for what he could do. Otherwise he feels he has no right to exist. He feels he should never have been born. No matter what happens to this person in life, no matter how much he gets hurt, he can always look back to this and feel that he is lovable. He can love himself and he cannot be broken. If he can't fall back on this, he can be broken. You can only be broken if you're already in pieces. As long as my baby-self has never been loved then I was in pieces. By loving me as a baby, you made me whole.
<…> It was terribly hard for me to stop being a schizophrenic. I knew I didn't want to be a Smith (patient’s family name), because then I was nothing but old Professor Smith's granddaughter. I couldn't be sure that I could feel as though I were your child, and I wasn't sure of myself. The only thing I was sure of was being a 'catatonic, paranoid and schizophrenic'. I had seen that written on my chart. That at least had substance and gave me an identity and personality. [What led you to change?] When I was sure that you would let me feel like your child and that you would care for me lovingly. If you could like the real me, then I could too. I could allow myself just to be me and didn't need a title.
I walked back to see the hospital recently, and for a moment I could lose myself in the feeling of the past. In there I could be left alone. The world was going by outside, but I had a whole world inside me. Nobody could get at it and disturb it. For a moment I felt a tremendous longing to be back. It has been so safe and quiet. But then I realized that I can have love and fun in the real world and I started to hate the hospital. I hated the four walls and the feeling of being locked in. I hated the memory of never being really satisfied by my fantasies.
The above passage resembles Johan in many ways: the hunger he felt for real life, the doubt of being loved by mother, the bond which he developed with Tenma…. The last has to be special for Johan: the doctor didn’t simply let him off the hook in the end, he actively chose to save his life.
And just as Laing's patient laments how difficult it was for her to give up the label of "crazy, schizophrenic” because it was the only description she felt could be applied to her, Johan couldn’t part with the mask of the nameless monster for the longest time. It was, after all, the only constant in his life. And now he knows that "nameless" part isn’t really true. Or maybe it doesn't matter anymore. He is just him.
It’s up for a debate whether Johan chose life or death in the end. There’s evidence for both and this ambiguity is sure intentional on the author’s part. 
I just want to believe it was a newfound hope that got Johan out of the hospital bed.
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citieskyes · 9 months
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Placements in the house series
Pt 2
Sun in the 2nd can indicate much of your identity closely relates to your financial stability. Money plays a significant role in your life and as a result, you can be financially driven. This placement can indicate having a strong sense of self-worth. This can also indicate starting your own business.
Moon in 2nd finds emotional comfort from material things. They might be stingy with their money. When depressed, they enjoy making purchases and buying things as it brings them joy. Your emotional well being may depend on your financial situation.
Mercury in 2nd are suave when it comes to dealing with financial matters. They can be very smart with their money. You may use your intelligence to deal with business related matters. You may also be very direct and straightforward.
Venus in the 2nd brings luck to the individuals finances. You might be seen as shallow and materialistic, but above all you value stability. This placement can indicate interest in working in a careers related to beauty or aesthetics. Your partners may like to spoil you by buying you things. Alternatively, you may marry rich!
Mars in 2nd may be very ambitious when it comes to money related issues. This placement can indicate a strong work ethic and you like to take charge of things. You may radiate leadership energy and others look up to you. However you may be impulsive with spending money as Mars is a reckless planet.
Saturn in the 2nd may face limitations with their finances. You may have grown up financially disadvantaged. As a result, you may be stingy with your money or you don’t know how to manage your finances. You may feel guilty when purchasing things. One of your biggest fears is poverty. Your lesson is to learn what is your true value outside of finances.
Jupiter in the 2nd may indicate finding luck in financial affairs. You may acquire money easier than others. Money finds its way back to you. As Jupiter is a planet of expansion, you may have an eye for aesthetic and thus you’re prone to being a overspender. Due to Jupiter’s influence, financial opportunities come your way easily. You may have the ability to make money out of anything, meaning you’re destined for a luxurious and wealthy life. Jupiter in the second means that you have a lot of self-confidence as the 2nd house also governs our sense of self-worth.
Pluto in the 2nd can indicate that much of your power comes from your resources and finances. You may get good opportunities when it comes to making money. You may come off as stingy as you have a deep fear of poverty. This placement can indicate transformation with your sense of values and this can lead to a deeper understanding of yourself.
I do $15-20 birth chart readings so message me if you want yours done x
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befuddledcinnamonroll · 2 months
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Themes in Pit Babe (or why the racing omegaverse show is deeper than you think)
As we're getting close to the end for Pit Babe, I can't help but think about the reoccurring themes around both self-worth and self-determination that are coming through in the show. It's very unexpected, but also a big part of what I love about it (reminder, I adore shows with heart). So let's talk about it a little bit.
Part 1: Self-Worth & Characterization
Let's start with the characters. First up:
Tony's "kids" (which just so happens to be most of the cast).
It's incredibly important that all of these men were "acquired" as small children, and then raised within an abusive household.
We don't get clear info on all of their backgrounds, and where they came from, but removal of children from their biological family is almost always a traumatic thing (even in cases where it is genuinely necessary). We know in the case of Babe that Tony ruined his father financially to make giving up Babe seem like an act of care, and it's not a stretch that he did similar things to get other children, particularly those with special abilities he deemed potentially profitable.
Once they were in the household, they experienced varying degrees of abuse. Tony doesn't seem to get physical with everyone, but Babe was definitely extremely isolated, and considering how close in age the rest of them are, and how most of them didn't know about each other, it seems like he did keep them all under very strict limitations. No outside school, no enrichment, just focus on developing their abilities. They were expected to be silent and obedient, and to produce the results that Tony wanted (or make themselves otherwise useful), or they were disposable.
In short, none of them had a healthy childhood, and all of them have varying degrees of trauma as a result.
Babe
Babe had the experience of being with a loving father, who then handed him over to Tony. Although his father saw it as something that would give his son a positive future, for Babe, it was the most severe kind of rejection. And once he was in Tony's hands, it was made abundantly clear that his only value was in his alpha senses.
When he managed to leave Tony's house, he tried to find something to give himself a sense of identity, and succeeded with racing. But it becomes clear through the series that his "Pit Babe" bravado is a facade, and underneath he is still deeply insecure and feels unworthy. There's nothing wrong with keeping sexual encounters to one time events, but through his time with Charlie we learn that he desperately wants love, and has been keeping relationships at bay to avoid further rejection.
Charlie
Charlie seems confident a lot of the time, in his assertive pursuit of Babe, and his steadfastness in keeping to the path that he is on. But the further we delve into it, it becomes more clear that although he is driven by his love for Babe, and permanently freeing Babe from Tony's clutches, he is not at all confident when it comes to his own self-worth. His plan to make Babe think he was dead seems terribly cruel, until you realize that he genuinely did not think it would devastate Babe. He isn't kidding when he offers to die to give Babe his powers back. He wants to be there for Babe, he wants to take care of him, but he also sees himself as nothing particularly special or irreplaceable.
Jeff
Jeff has a lot of similar qualities to Charlie, which makes sense if they were allowed to spend time together as children. Jeff also is similarly confident in his belief that Tony has to be stopped, in the path he is on, and that sometimes bad things have to be done for the cause. Where Jeff's self-worth comes in is around his abilities. The story of Cassandra is a tragedy for a reason - prophecy is not the gift that it would seem to be. Again, we don't know what Jeff has experienced in his childhood, but he has definitely experienced people around him being put off and uncomfortable due to his visions. As he gets closer to Alan, he brings up the challenge of dating someone like him multiple times, because he is genuinely struggling to understand why anyone would go through the trouble of loving him.
Way
To be clear, having experienced abuse is never an excuse to hurt others. But it is important to understand just how much damage can happen when someone is told for their entire childhood that they have no inherent value, and are only worthy for what they can do for someone else.
We don't know what Tony's plans were before Babe ran away. What was Way being raised for? What were the plans for him? Enigmas are very rare, his abilities are really valuable on their own, so one would expect that Tony planned to keep him close, and keep utilizing him as needed. Which means it was likely made very clear to him that his freedom to go out into the world, join the racing team, and form his friendship with Babe was all contingent on him staying obedient - or he could lose it all.
*Side note - the interesting thing here is how long Babe & Way had been friends. Because Tony strikes me as someone who is both extremely impatient, and someone who would have zero issue with obtaining his goal through sexual assault. Which yes, Way does finally cross that line, but what about all the years before then? It just seems like he might have been finding ways, possibly through his powers, to keep Tony at bay. Until Charlie showed up and Way made some extremely bad choices.
Again, hard to know without the full backstory - but Way's lack of self-worth feels like it comes with a side of despair. Tony will win, Tony always wins, Tony can take everything away, so there's no point in fighting.
Kenta
This last episode made it very clear just how terribly Kenta has been abused by Tony. His insistence on being grateful to Tony makes me wonder if he was someone who had an abusive family of origin as well, or if he was an orphan who felt rescued by being brought this this wealthy man's home. Or perhaps it was just that Tony constantly reinforced that as someone without powers, Kenta was lucky that Tony deigned to keep him around.
For those who are not familiar with abuse dynamics it can be hard to understand why there would be such loyalty to someone so cruel. But that's the insidious thing. Kenta was raised to believe that he only mattered if he mattered to Tony. His sense of self-worth is entirely wrapped up in Tony. He had a shining spot in his friendship with Pete, but Pete left. Kenta sees that as a betrayal, and as proof that no one else could possibly care about him.
Pete
Pete is a really interesting one. Unfortunately we don't get to see very much of his experience in Tony's house, but he does seem to have a degree of freedom that some of the other children don't have. He is also an enigma, but unlike Way his power seems to be more empathy-based. And I think that this empathy is key. He seems to be able to both evoke memories/feelings in others (he seemed to do this when Kenta was attacking him), and read what others are thinking & feeling.
Pete doesn't struggle with his self-worth like the others do, because he is more focused on those outside of himself. He can see the pain that others are dealing with, and it gives him purpose. One could argue that it's to an unhealthy degree - his own wants & needs are important. But to him, the mission is what matters. His self-worth is created through his goal of freeing others from Tony & men like him.
And now for the few men who managed to escape being adopted by Tony:
Alan
Again, not much backstory, but it seems like Alan was raised in a relatively loving and privileged home. He leads with compassion and understanding. He's not aggressive and he never talks down to people. He gets awkward at times, but overall is a confident business owner and Uncle to his collection of idiots. He's a man who seems to get a fair amount of self-worth out of taking care of others and bringing people under his wing.
Kim
Kim rocks, and he knows it. This is a man who has zero struggle with his sense of self-worth. He knows his inherent value has nothing to do with winning or losing, he just enjoys a good challenge. He has a strong moral compass, and will do the right thing just because. This man is self-worth goals.
Sonic & North
They are idiots, but they are comfortable in who they are. They know where they belong, they aren't offended by not being key racers for their team, they just find where they fit and make it work. Also you have to have confidence to dress like these two.
Dean & Winner
We don't get a ton of characterization with these two, but they are a good example of what happens when you tie your self-worth with winning, or otherwise being "superior" to others. This kind of self-worth usually comes with a pretty huge dose of insecurity, and feeling like you have something to prove.
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Gah, this has gotten longer than I expected.
Coming soon: Part 2: Self-worth & Relationships
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itoendme · 3 months
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golden kamuy is so weird because its one of my favorite manga but whenever i try to talk to people about it all that comes out is 'unhinged pathetic men', 'the art is a little wonky' and 'the anime has low budget bad cgi' but i wanted to take an opportunity to collect my thoughts and put them into words so this will be a very self-indulgent rant.
*warning: spoilers ahead*
i feel like, outside of japan, no one really talks about gk. i currently go to school in japan, and ever since moving here i was really surprised at how popular gk is. obviously there's the live-action movie coming out in less than two weeks but there are gk pop up stores, collab events, and i've even found gk merch in bic camera (generic electronic store that just has a bunch of miscellaneous stuff) but i think the reason for that is that its hark to really understand gk without some historical and cultural background. its about war and brutality and minority culture erasure and materialism and ptsd and abandonment trauma and manipulation and coming to terms with your own identity. it's historical, but its relevant. sure, it's filled with dick jokes and toilet humor and noda-sensei taking any excuse to draw naked men, but man, it gets dark, it gets deep, and it hits hard when it wants to. but that's not to say that the humor takes away from it. it's not a lighthearted manga/anime, but i think the humor ties into it perfectly and im still not quite sure how noda-sensei does it.
and the symbolism!!! gk sure does love symbolism and i am here for it all the way. understanding where the title comes from gave me chills. theres sugimoto and the dried persimmons as a representation of himself and his life before he went to war, and there is also so much symbolism surrounding ogata (especially with the eyes; as someone whose sense of identity and self-worth hinges pretty much entirely on his ability to shoot a gun, having him kill himself by shooting out his remaining eye was *a choice*)
i also think that asirpa is one of the best female characters in anime. she's not a naive little girl, as much as some of the other characters might treat her like one. she's someone who was forced to grow up too fast, who sees her purpose and knows she can't run from it. she carries the biggest burden out of everyone. and i love her friendship with sugimoto they are the most codependent besties and i love them to death.
not to mention the amount of research that clearly went into everything goddamn.
anyway it makes me sad that outside of japan, it's not that well known, when i think its a very well thought out and impactful story
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takerfoxx · 5 months
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I'm not traditionally a poly shipper (though I've been delving more into it as time goes by), but if there's one that I'm absolutely gaga about, as if in makes my personal top five ships and might even slot in right beneath KyoSaya and SuleMio, it's the one that almost certainly could not and should not happen in canon, but the thought of it still kinda makes me rabid with what could have been.
I am of course talking about AsuReiShin, AKA the Israfel Special.
Evangelion shipping is often a bizarre experience, especially amongst the core trio of pilots. There is just so much material among these incredibly fucked up characters, so many things that ought to be drawing them together, and yet they are all damaged in such specific ways that drive them to behave increasingly toxic, avoidant, or even abusive toward one another. They're all such hot messes of trauma and hangups that, hate to say it, the Rebuild ending of everyone essentially just making peace with one another and fucking off with Shinji hooking up with the controversial new girl that he at least doesn't have any baggage with was probably the healthiest choice, if not the most satisfying.
But even so, the reason I dig this triad specifically is because if you change even just a little bit about each character, you find the same traits that drove them apart suddenly drawing them together, and each individual pairing makes so much sense. Asuka and Shinji is the most obvious, with Asuka's aggressive bullying suddenly becoming proactive encouragement, and Shinji's meek avoidance now becoming the calm, stabilizing force that she needs. With Asuka and Rei it's similar, with Asuka's hatred of Rei's passivity now being being a drive to push Rei to experience and enjoy life and establish an identity, while Rei's gentle observation and lack of a filter would be give Asuka a much-needed source of self-reflection. And with Shinji and Rei, we've already seen how Shinji's kindness has encouraged Rei to step outside of her sheltered world and seek human connection, while also providing Shinji someone he felt was worth stepping up and fighting for.
Now, take all three of those dynamics and combine them together. You've basically got the perfect Id, Ego, and Superego situation. It's practically the adolescent Kirk, Spock, and McCoy dynamic!
Plus, there's also the other factors that would bring them together, even beyond the whole being hormonal teenagers in a stressful situation. Despite having wildly different personalities, they all had their lives destroyed by NERV, from Shinji losing his mother and being neglected by his father, to Asuka's mother losing her mind and taking her life thanks to the Evangelions, to Rei literally being created by Gendo to serve a terrible purpose and thus being robbed of ever having a life. That sort of "in the trenches" experience is exactly the sort of thing that would cause them to form bonds and seek comfort with one another, especially if they were all to learn of each other's past histories, and motivate them to stand up for one another against NERV's machinations, but ah, I'm delving into AU fanfic territory.
Point is, no, I don't think it would be wise for these three to seek out romance with one another, either as couples or all three of them together. But man, if they each just had just a little bit changed about them, can you imagine the pure emotional catharsis?
Note: I didn't really say anything about Kaworu because while I feel that he's probably the healthiest singular choice for Shinji, it's basically only with Shinji, making him his own separate deal entirely.
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