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#and got frustrated with myself for being so weak and unfit
thehighpriestess1 · 11 months
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I’m very intrigued to read more about Gojo’s upbringing and the inevitable conversation about Hiro! It seems like Hiro is one of the biggest hurdles Y/N needs to pass through for their relationship.
I can definitely see where Y/N can give Gojo the healing he needs. He’s using humor as a defense mechanism when he really wants reassurance.
“I’m a good father aren’t i?” he plays off as a joke when he genuinely wants Y/N, love of his life, mother of his child to tell him that yes, he is, he’s not like his dad.
when he doesn’t wanna leave her in the mornings for work, he jokes around by being clingy and insufferable but i feel like he’s also partly worried that every time he embraces her it might be the last time he can. i think he addresses this in his thoughts as well.
I can see Y/N needing Gojo too, not as much as he needs her but I can tell his reassurances can help. she doubts that he loves her, she’s convinced herself gojo only wants her around because of keisuke, she was afraid to come forward about her anemia because she didn’t want gojo to think she was an unfit parent. all these insecurities that have stemmed because of gojo that i feel he’s probably the only one that can give her that reassurance that she is good enough.
Y/N trying so HARD to act like she isn’t jealous of yuri because there’s no way she still has feelings for gojo is so cute because everyone can see she’s just as downbad for gojo as he is for her 😭 you’re not slick and it’s the cutest thing. i know it’s her having her walls up to protect herself but i can’t help but giggle when she gets jealous 🤭 gojo being oblivious to Y/N and yuri’s beef too, holy fuck 😭 i wonder if he actually realized Yuri’s true feelings for him at the end when he finally banished her from the estate. he can’t be THAT dense right 😭 i guess we’ll have to see
i forgot to add this in my last essay so i’ll add it here! i absolutely love how you portrayed Gojo and Y/N. the both of them have such amazing characterizations and i’m so invested in them separately and together. you did and are doing such an amazing job giving us characters that are flawed and likeable without being frustrating to read. i love that their struggles are so realistic and arent just solved by an “i love you” and that’s it. this is genuinely a, “we have to work together and choose to move past this together if we want to make it” problem and we don’t get enough of that realistic approach. you’re an amazing author and i’m always thankful i got to read what you chose to share 🥰
and about splitting the finale, i think you decide what you feel is best! i don’t mind lengthy chapters myself, but if you wanna split it then i’m happy either way 🤭 love you and will support whatever decision you decide ❤️
Okay so this message brought happy tears . I am so grateful to have a reader like you. I write for you and I will continue to write for you. Oh gosh. My hands are shaking because I am so happy that you felt what I was trying to make the reader feel with the story.
You are right, Hiro is a big hurdle to cross and it's all about trust because Hiro does not exist anymore so y/n will have to find a way to trust Gojo or Gojo will find a way to prove to her that he is not lying.
You are so right! Gojo is using humour to hide his insecurities. Like y/n, he does not want to seem like a weak parent. He jokingly asks her but he really wants to know that he is a good father. He wanted that reassurance from y/n. Y/n has insecurities too but here she has the upper hand because Gojo has to convince y/n to stay and not the other way around. She wants to stay too but Keisuke's happiness and safety is her priority.
She is not slick at all. Our girl is jealous and Gojo is so in love that he can't see it. Y/n is a goddess in his eyes and he just can't see that she would get jealous over someone like him.
You will get to know a great deal about Gojo's early life and trauma in the next part so all I'll say is keep some tissues ready. It's not going to be pretty at all.
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whsprings · 3 years
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my new dbt therapist irritates me with her niceness and really the overall concept of being in dbt iop irritates me but what can a gal do. very much want to just like. quit. but pretty sure my ed therapist would murder me. I very much need a team that calls me out and doesn't let me get away with shit and knows that I can and will withhold important information from them if not directly asked and new therapist is so. nice. that I am not sure she will be direct enough for me.
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wouldduskwood · 3 years
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Descendants of Despair Part 53
As I lay beside Jake, my breathing returned to normal and the crawling feeling had been replaced with the warmth of his touch. I thought about just how much I had changed. Dan had hit a raw spot when he had hinted at my weakness. I had been strong for so long, so long I couldn’t even remember a time where resilience and survival wasn’t a driving force in my life. Jake had helped tame that to an extent. I could rely on him to pick up on the things that I may miss otherwise. I had wondered if it meant I was getting weak. Dan’s words reiterated those concerns. But now I saw my behaviour for what it really was. Allowing someone into my world had not made me weak, instead it had made me stronger. His strength became my strength. Relying on him wasn’t weak, it was right. I didn’t have to manipulate him to get him to do what I needed. I didn’t have to question whether he was manipulating me. He had seen me at my worst and still loved me. I could be my true self, and that was something I don’t think I had ever really seen before. The true self that allowed myself to feel, to trust, to love...to be vulnerable. As I drifted off to sleep, I contented myself with the thought that I had been strong enough to lay Dan on his ass without hesitation. My instincts were still there, as strong as always.
I startled awake relatively early to the light from the dimly lit lamp. The softness of the bed and comfort of the room was unnerving. I felt as though it was lowering my defenses. Jake was already awake as well, holding me lightly but staring at the ceiling in quiet contemplation. “It’s weird, isn’t it?” I asked quietly. Jake nodded thoughtfully. “I guess discomfort has become comfortable to us?” he questioned and sighed. “I should be happy, we had an amazing night...I slept in more comfort than I have in a long time, yet somehow it just doesn’t feel right.” ���Check your laptop,” I murmured, sitting myself up on the comfortable bed, noting vaguely that my muscles didn’t hurt as much as they did when I slept on the floor, or the sidewalk, or the riverbank. It should have felt great, instead it just increased my level of unease. I got up with Jake and we got dressed, then I began pacing back and forth. I was hungry, we hadn’t eaten since yesterday before meeting up with Dan. Glancing around the room, I picked up my backpack and looked inside for anything of substance. As I scavenged, Jake appeared beside me and handed me an energy bar. “I grabbed a couple of these from the car last night. Thought we might need something. We can get some proper breakfast after I have checked where we are at,” he said as he opened his own bar and began chewing on it.
I accepted Jake’s offer thankfully, and began eating, sitting close to him, watching what he was doing on the laptop screen. Because his laptop was so limited, he flicked from screen to screen at near lightning speed. I wasn’t sure how he was keeping up with everything that was going on, but he seemed pretty sure of himself so I just sat and watched in admiration, trying to pick up strings of code that I could recognise. “Hm,” I mumbled quietly. “Yes?” Jake asked, pausing briefly in his screen flicking and typing. “Nothing, just...you’re still keeping track of Richy?” I asked. “You saw that, huh?” Jake replied. I was about to apologise for intruding into his private world when he continued speaking. “Well done, I am impressed. You know a fair bit about programming to pick up on that from the small strings you must have seen.” I shrugged in embarrassment. I was hardly a hacker of his calibre. “You don’t mind me watching?” I asked in wonder. Jake’s response shocked me as he began to laugh.
I glared at him as he turned to face me, shaking his head to try and gain control of himself. “Here’s the thing,” he replied soothingly. “I love you and I trust you. Usually my trust in people is based on what I have been able to dig up about them online. Not with you, you are a blank entity online. Anyway, I guess what I’m trying to say is, my reaction to you hadn’t made sense until I decided that you were made for me, as dumb as that sounds, I think of you as a soulmate...if they were to exist. Because you are truly part of me, I have made everything I do part of you as well. You have full access to my set up remember? You also have full access to my phone through yours. Everything I am, it is you.”
Jake’s response made me happy. I was thinking and feeling along the same lines as him. I still wasn’t as comfortable at admitting it as he was, so turned away from his gaze and then pouted as he giggled at my reaction. “It’s okay, you don’t have to say it, I know how much you love me,” he replied smugly. I growled under my breath then leaped on him, but he was already expecting my response and caught me with a grin. “Okay, maybe we should get you some proper food eh?” he asked, trying to stifle his giggles. “Urgh,” I groaned. Jake closed his laptop and packed it in a bag then motioned for me to gather my gear as well. I knew he was doing this just so that he could save me from further embarrassment, but I appreciated it nonetheless. If we stayed here much longer, I knew the walls would begin to close in around me. This often happened when I was stuck in small spaces for long periods of time. There were very few escape routes from enclosed spaces.
Once we had cleared out the motel room of our personal belongings, we dropped the key on the table then put our hoods up and left. It was too early to head to meet up with Dan, so we had a little time to fill in before we would need to head back to the prison. “Let’s go through a drive thru,” Jake suggested. “Then we can decide on our next steps.” I nodded in relief. The prospect of food, even takeaway food, was appealing and being able to stay with Jake and hash out future moves was even better.
The first drive thru we saw, Jake pulled in and we argued briefly over the least disgusting options from the menu before both deciding on our breakfast. Jake pulled up to the window with his head down, we paid, got our order and left. I picked up my bag and sniffed it in mild disgust. Jake glanced at me and grinned. “Okay, I know, not the best but at least it's something.” I raised an eyebrow as I pulled my breakfast muffin from the bag. “...is it though?...” I asked. Jake laughed as he pulled the car over near a deserted park. “Okay, gross food is still food,” he grinned as he dug into his bag and began to eat. I had to admit, gross take away food certainly was better than no food at all. I had gotten accustomed to healthier eating since leaving the street. I was sick of always getting sick and I wanted to maintain my physical health...it is far easier to run when you aren’t ill or unfit.
“So, the plan?” Jake asked. “I take it there is a bit more to it than the simple stuff you gave the buffoon.” I snickered in response then became angry at myself so nudged Jake with my elbow. “Sorry,” he responded with a sly grin, no doubt relishing in my slip up. “Yeah, you need to have the cameras going, follow everything outside. If something happens, you need to get a signal to me without digital means. I can’t take my phone in with me, they will confiscate it until I leave and I would rather they had no access to it at all. I’m assuming Dan will have his, but again we won’t have access to it while in there.” I paused to take a breath and have a sip of water. Jake was thoughtful for a moment.
“Okay, the programme you installed that gave me access to their system also gave me access to their alarms. If something happens, I will set off some form of alarm, nothing major that would cause a lockdown, but enough of a distraction that you can get out and hopefully it will draw the man without a face away.”
“Wow…” I gasped, suddenly impressed. He had solved the issue so quickly. I guessed when he had seen his chance to take control of their security, he had made sure he had as much control as he could. “Fuck Jake, you’re incredible!” I declared earnestly. “Uh...there is one other thing I want to do before we go. I may not get time after...I want to take down the traps on the roofs, in case an unsuspecting person gets hurt. I also want to look at whether the trap was tampered with on the roof the man without a face was waiting on.” I requested hesitantly. I knew I’d be by myself up there and Jake wouldn’t be thrilled with the idea. “I can’t stop it from happening can I?” Jake asked sadly. “No, not this time. It’s important to me.” I replied bluntly. We didn’t need someone harmed because of us. If the Police found any trace of it, it would just be another reason for them to be chasing us. Not something I was willing to risk. The main drive though was because I was frustrated with not being able to understand how the man without a face had gotten past our defenses. The more I knew about him the better. “Okay, but this time I’m coming too. We will park as far away as we can, where there is access to the roofing around that area. Do you agree?” I thought for a moment, glaring at him intently. “Ugh, fine. But you keep your face hidden the entire time. You dismantle any cameras around the area first and if there is anybody looking at you, you go!” I replied in an attempt at compromise. Jake nodded solemnly and started the car.
Part 54
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tanakavox · 3 years
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A look into the multiverse chapter 6.
Aka the worst written chapter I've ever done. I hate the reacts for this one, feels... weak. Hope you guys enjoy it.
The theater screen lights up and carama begins to pan over a city during night time Citizens mingle down the sidewalks on evening strolls. Above them, a helicopter flies low between the buildings heading for something. A red orb of light appears to chase after it. Shortly thereafter, a flash of gray bounced between the building at high speeds landing on the roof of one. The gray blur was a young Mercury Black, a grin on his face as he looked over the city. He looked to be around 11-12 and his hair was spiker then normal. He had a pair of ears on his head and short tails.
"Ah,yeah! This is happening!" Mercury exclaimed smiling.
"Mercury? Oh no."Emerald said shaking her head afraid of the ego trip her panter might get from this universe.
"He's fast, and… so young." Ruby pointed out.
"What's happening and why is he a fanaus?" Yang asked.
"He's not. He has two traits." Blake pointed. "He looks like a hedgehog though.
The young boy turned to sounds of sirens, looked down to see four police cars rushing to an emergency with screeching tires. He jumps down just in time to see them disappear around the corner.
"What's going down there?'' he mutters to himself. He curls into a ball and rockets after the cars, rolling like a bowling ball.
"That's actually a cool move." Mercury pointed out with a grin.
The police cars have formed a perimeter in front of a large building. Two helicopters hover overhead with their searchlights on as an odd watery figure lands on a police car and stand in place without moving or making a sound.
"That's a interesting creature…" Salem gave a little smile cross her legs thinking of a grimm similar to it.
"You are completely surrounded! Surrender yourself!" officer yelled as the squad aim their guns at figure. It hop over the police squad and they take aim and fire. The bullets only drop to the ground after colliding with it, the aqua figure giving off a low growl.
"Oh, no! Our weapons are useless! Retreat! All personnel, fall back!" The officer cried, him and the rest of the squad running away, a few firing a few more rounds as they ran.
"So it's bulletproof as well? This creature gets more and more interesting." Salem's smile grew larger as she watched the creature in action.
Mercury lands on the car and grins, looking at the being in excitement.
"This could be fun!" He stated he jumps into the air and attacks the monster with a kick, hitting it in what seem to be it's faces knocking it into a car, denting it. Mercury smirks a bit and immediately gets hit by the car that he had sent it into. The boy lifts the car off himself, not seeing to care that he got hit by a car. He cruels into a ball and rams into the creature and soon after the creature starts to run away. Mercury had a look of disappointment of how easy the fight was and chased after the creature.
Come on, ya big drip! Where ya goin'?"
"Yeah Mini me. That was an easy and boring fight." Mercury said with a shake of his head..
"Such a disappointing creature." Salem mutters while uncrossing her legs."
"That 12 year old got hit by a freaking car, and his only reaction was to pick it up and throw it back." Weiss pointed out. "Does nothing think that's amazing for a 12 year without AURA?" When one no answered she just looked back at the screen and muttered to herself: "I guess not."
The creature falls through a drain getting away, Mercury snaps his fingers in frustration as the camera pans into the air and shows smirking, evilly as he looks down at the hedgehog.
"Foolish child. That was Chaos, God of Destruction! And soon my plans will be realized! Watts begins to cackle madly.
Salem raises an eyebrow at the sight of Watts and Chaos. "God of destruction? An unfitting name for such a weak creature."
The scene cuts to Mercury lounging near a pool, sleeping as he hears a noise of a plane. He turns to see a younger Oscar flying out of control.
"Hey look another tiny Oscar!" Nora cooed at the sight of the farmboy." Oscar blush a bit in embarrassment.
"Why is he flying a biplane?" Ren asked.
"Tails?" He asked no one in confusion. His eye widen as he watch out Oscar's plan begans to pummel toward the ground. "Watch out! You're gonna crash! AHHH!" Oscar's plane crashs on the beach and Mercury facepalms groaning a bit. "Oh Tails. What am I gonna do with you?" Mercury curl into a ball again in a blink of an eyes rockets towards where Oscar had crash landed. He sees two legs poking out of the ground and grabs one, yanking the boy out of the sand and giving a closer look at Oscar. He was a fox, but a fox with two tails instead of one and he looked to be around 8.
Blake's stares a bit a Oscar's tails. "That's…. New. "
"Yeah a 8 year old flying a biplane is new right Blake?" Ruby said.
"I think she meant the fact the Oscars had two tails Ruby." Jaune replied.
Oscar blinks a few times and grins at the sight of his friend.
"Oh hey Sonic! Long Time no see huh?" He said casually.
"A child his age surviving a plane crash and only casually reacting to it. He must be very durable." Winter mused to herself.
"Hey Tails." Mercury greeted back, placing Oscar on his feet. "What happened there? You're too good of a pilot to make such a sloppy landing.
Oscar rubs his head. "That was a test run using a new prototype propulsion system. It's got a few bugs to iron out." Mercury raises an eyebrow. "Okay…... A Lot of bugs."
"No shit kid." Mercury snarks
" Why not just use my plane, the Tornado?"
"Thanks, but you gotta check out my newest power supply! Ta dahhh!" Oscar pulls a purple looking gem.
"WHOA! A Chaos Emerald!" Mercury looked it over in astosment.
"Oscar smiles a bit. "Yep! I just happened to find one of the 7 Emeralds during one of my test flights. This thing has unlimited powers, ya know... So I figured, why not use it to power my plane. Super charged! You gotta come over my workshop, Sonic! I've got something I've gotta show you! It's in the Mystic Ruins. The fastest way is by train. Let's go!"
The scene cuts to Mercury and Oscar running in a field when a voice stops them in their place.
"Ha ha ha ha! If it isn't !" Watts descended down in an egg shaped pod grinning maniacally. Oscar's tails stiffen in fear and he hides behind Mercury. Mercury however just looks at Watts with a grin.
Look! It's a giant talking egg!
Yang begins to laugh hard. "He does look like an egg!"
Salem didn't say anything but quietly laugh to herself, not seeing Ozpin catching her laugh with a bit of shock before quickly turning back to the show.
"Silence! I am , the greatest scientific genius in the world!" Watts growled
"Whatever you say, Eggman!" Mercury replied with a roll of his eyes and a dismal wave of his hand.
"Damn. Kid's got balls." Qrow said.
"Hell yeah I do. I'm always badass." Mercury boosted.
"Enough! I've got big plans and now I'm gonna put them to work!"
"You're always up to no good. Now what d'ya want?" Oscar piped up from behind Mercury. Watts glared at Oscar, causing the fox cub to to flinch and hide behind Mercury. Watts begins to rise higher in his pod.
"Awww. He scared little fox Oscar." Nora cooed again.
"I want all the Chaos Emeralds. Better not interfere! Or else!" Watts said looking down at the two.
"Or else what wimp?" Mercury taunted.
"Or else I'll take them from you by force... the hard way!" Watts goes behind the cliff and raise with his pod turning into a hornet like form.
It flies after the two firing missile that Mercury and Oscar dodge without any problems. Watts snarls as he attempts to ram into Mercury, the boy hopping over the machine, causing it to get stuck in the ground. Mercury land on his feet and curls into a ball, rocketing into Watts' machine knocking it loose from the ground. Watts flies around again firing more missiles at Mercury, But he plays hopscotch on each missile, About to reach the Egg hornet before Watts smiles as Mercury falls for his trap.
"Felt for it fool!" Watts cried and he powered the machine up for another ram attack. Before he made contact with Mercury's body, in a quick blur Oscar grabbed Mercury's hand and flew away from the attack, using his two tails as like helicopter blades to fly.
"Holy shit, he can fly?" Yang asked in surprised."
"Why the hell does he need a plane then?" Qrow asked being surprised as well.
Watts screamed in rage as he got stuck in the ground again. Mercury look up at Oscar and smiled.
"Nice job Tails now throw me so we can end this!"
Oscar smiled and threw Mercury as hard as he could. Mercury curls into a ball again and rams into Watts machine breaking it down. Oscar lands next to Mercury and they look over their work.
"Well, that wasn't so hard!" Mercury turned and ruffled Oscar's hair. Good work Tails!"
Watts fake being unconscious for a time and then let out a :Aha!" as giant claw came out of his machine and grabbed the chaos emerald Oscar's person. TThe two look in horror as Watts laughed himself silly. "Come on Chaos, time to eat!" The same creature Mercury fought last night appears and Watts give it the Chaos emerald, The creature name Chaos growing bigger. Watts look over the creature in glee. " Ooooh, yes! It's just as the stone tablets predicted. Ha ha ha ha ha! His strength increases every time I feed him a Chaos Emerald! With all 7 Emeralds in him, he'll be invincible! And work for me! Together, we'll destroy Station Square! And on its ruins, I will build Wattsland, the ultimate city! Where I will rule it all! Come on Chaos! Let's find another Emerald, shall we?" And with that Watts teleported away with Chaos." And with that, Watts and Chaos teleport away.
"So if he eats more of those gems he gets stronger? That doesn't sound good!"
Salem's interest in the creature was back and she was excited to see more of it.
The end!
.
See? This is the weakest I've done by myself.
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nicistrying · 3 years
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Look who finally worked out after being totally run down from working 6 long days and then in a depression slump for the next 2! I'm so so glad I feel better today. I hate having to scrape through the days waiting for my brain to stop telling me I'm a piece of shit. I'm proud of myself for turning up to work yesterday though despite really wanting to call in sick, bc I think just being out of the house and doing something productive and achieving something really helped give me a boost, even if I was really quiet and riddled with anxiety about speaking / not speaking to coworkers the whole time. So I felt much better by the time I finished and I wanted to work out then, but I hadn't called Nanna Ann because of my mood so I had to use up my endorphins on that instead.
Sooo today I woke up feeling more like myself, with my appetite back and a desire to look after myself, so I had a big bowl of porridge, a deep stretch, and I kicked my ass with this workout. It was frustrating at first, I felt weak and unfit and uncomfortable and just generally wasn't enjoying it, but by the time I got to my last round of the circuit I was really enjoying it and discovered that with my trainers on I can do planks! Hence all the extra plank work at the end (not worrying about broken toes any more, seems to be a bigger podiatry issue as now the whole outside of my left foot hurts when I walk and I can feel I'm dumping my weight into my arch so I'm going to see my mother-in-law's friend who is a podiatrist next week. Hoping some new insoles will fix this whole mess 🤞🏻). Also, a few songs I enjoyed during my workout. I LOVE the Maur track 💃🏼
Hope everyone is well 😊
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And Way Down We Go
Here is another mediocre Broadway Verse fic. I’m starting to think my Broadway fics have one plot point and it’s falling from heights, but that’s not important. Anyway, @theatergirl06 requested a while ago that we have some of Kat saving one of the other queens, and I know how much she loves KatAnna, so here’s some of that. This could be read platonically or romantically, I didn’t really have one or the other in mind while writing. Sorry for any spelling/grammatical errors, I use an app opposite of grammarly that creates mistakes instead of fixing them.
Writing Masterpost
If you want to send a request or a prompt, my inbox is always open! I publish a story at 8:00 AM PST everyday, so I’m always in need of new ideas (now featuring random asks). If you want to be tagged in my works, just let me know and I’ll be sure to tag you!
Prompts | More Prompts | The Trifecta of Prompts | Random Asks
Trigger Warnings: Heights?
When Anna invited Kat out for a rock climb, the girl thought she meant in an indoor gym where there would be a foam pit waiting beneath them in case they fell. Alas, that is not what Anna meant, and now Kat was stuck out in the middle of a canyon with Anna and the minimal amount of safety measures to help them. Already Anna had her climbing gear on, tying her rope around the stake she set at the top of the cliff. “Anna, I don’t know if this is a good idea.” Kat mumbled, peeking over the cliff. It was a long drop down, and she had never seen Anna or her rappelling skills to feel confident about the excursion. 
Watching Kat as she tied her knot, Anna furrowed her eyebrows. “Why? Kat, we’ve got plenty of safety gear, we’ll be fine.”
Still unsure, Kat stepped away from the edge of the cliff. “I don’t know. It’s really far down, and what if one of us slips?”
“I’ll tell you what,” Anna stood up, finished with her knot tying, “If you’re not comfortable, you don’t have to go down. You can stay up here and be my spotter, make sure I don’t get into any trouble, eh?”
Pursing her lips, Kat nodded. “If you promise to be safe -”
“I’m always safe mein Schatz, you don’t need to worry about me,” Anna assured her. With that, Anna put her feet on the edge of the cliff and pushed off, starting her journey down to the bottom of the ravine. Nervously watching her, Kat couldn’t help but bite her tongue in worry. Anna was skilled and could take care of herself, but there was still the nagging in the back of Kat’s mind that something could go wrong at any moment.
On the other hand, Anna wasn’t the least bit concerned. She had rappelled this cliff multiple times before and knew it practically like the back of her hand. All her gear was properly secured, so there was no way anything could put her in danger. Carefully putting her foot on a protruding rock, Anna cursed when the rock slipped away. “Shit!” she yelled as her body slid down the side of the cliff and landed on a small ledge.
“Anna!” Kat called from the top of the cliff. “Anna are you okay?”
“I’m fine Kat,” Anna responded, dusting herself off. She wasn’t much further down, but she had completely lost her rhythm. There weren’t many ledges nearby that she could hoist herself onto, so Anna’s only option was to climb back up using her rope. Testing the rope, Anna pulled down harshly to make sure it could hold her weight. She frowned when the rope felt loose as she yanked on it. Her confusion was answered when the rope came falling down from the top of the cliff, no longer attached to the stake. Anna groaned, “Kat?”
Kat was lying flat on the ground, her head over the edge so she could better see Anna. “Are you hurt Anna? Do you need me to come get you?”
“No!” Anna immediately shouted up. She knew how terrified Kat had been of rappelling in the first place, so Anna wasn’t going to make the girl come down to get her. She could figure this out on her own, Anna reasoned. “My rope came undone, but it’s not a big deal. I’m gonna climb back up, okay?”
“What?” Kat shouted incredulously. “Without your rope, Anna, you could fall and die!”
Waving off the concern, Anna looked for anything she could possibly use as a handhold. “I rarely use the rope Kat, it’ll be fine.”
“I’m coming to get you,” Kat stated forcefully from the top of the cliff. Her head disappeared as the rustling of gear came from above Anna.
“Kat, you don’t have to do that,” Anna tried to assure the girl. Grabbing onto the first handhold she found, Anna started to lift herself up the side of the cliff. “Look, I can get up there just fine. You shouldn’t come down if you don’t have experience.”
There was no response from Kat’s end, just the continued rustle of gear being moved. Shaking her head, Anna attempted to dislodge the sweat that was running down her forehead. It was a hot day already, not to mention the current exertion she was putting into her muscles in order to hold her body weight. Sure, Anna wasn’t the biggest person (the only queen shorter than her was Anne, but they didn’t talk about that), but she wasn’t used to supporting her weight without the rope taking a bit of the slack. 
Pushing away any thoughts except for absolute focus on her current predicament, Anna continued climbing. She moved slowly, slower than she had ever before, but she was prioritizing safety over speed. One foot on that ledge, a hand on that rock, reach a little higher…
Anna gasped in surprise as the ledge her hand was on crumbled beneath her grip. Her weight disbalanced, Anna’s body went tumbling backwards, slipping off the side of the cliff. Squeezing her eyes shut, Anna awaited any sort of impact of the ground against her body.
Instead, all she felt was a warm hand around her wrist. Opening her eyes and looking up, Anna smiled at her savior, Kat. As for Kat, she had a much more worried look on her face. The girl seemed absolutely baffled with how to properly rappel, but her feet were braced against the wall, one hand holding the rope taught, the other encircling Anna’s wrist. “Hello there savior,” Anna said, attempting to cover up the adrenaline that had just flooded her body. 
Barely even acknowledging the joke, Kat attempted to lift Anna but failed. Her arms were far weaker than Anna’s, seeing as she generally ended up missing workouts by getting sucked into video game competitions with Bo. “Get on my back and I can pull us up,” Kat instructed.
Raising an eyebrow, Anna complained, “You know, just because you’re taller than me does not mean that I’m going to let you give me a piggyback ride -”
“Well then you better get comfortable hanging over the side of a cliff because I can’t climb while holding you.” There was a pause where they both looked at each other before Kat added, “Or I could drop you and climb up myself.”
“Someone’s feeling cheeky today,” Anna said, but she gave in. Pulling herself up on Kat’s back, Anna had to hide her embarrassment at being carried like a little kid. She was glad they were in the middle of nowhere and no one but herself and Kat were around to witness it. 
Once Kat was sure Anna was holding on tight, she started to pull herself up the cliff. Instead of rock climbing like Anna would, Kat used the rope to pull herself up, practically walking sideways up the cliff face. Her muscles burned and ached, a clear sign of how unfit she was, but Kat ignored it, pushing herself in order to get to the top. After an agonizing climb, Kat heaved herself and Anna over the edge and collapsed onto the ground.
Getting off of Kat, Anna stumbled to the side, her sense of direction askew after holding on to the other queen while she climbed. Kat rolled over so that she was facing the sky, and then let out a loud groan of pain. “My muscles are gonna be sore for weeks,” she grumbled, moaning in frustration. “This is all your fault Anna.”
Instead, Anna was staring at Kat with a budding look of pride. “You saved me.”
“Uh, yeah, I did,” Kat shot back. “And you better repay me for it-”
“No, Kat,” Anna cut her off. “You saved me.”
Still, Kat didn’t seem to get what Anna was saying. “So?”
Moving over to Kat’s prone form, the German queen leaned over her. “You specifically told me you did not want to go down the side of the cliff. But when you thought I was in trouble -”
“You were in trouble.”
Anna grunted in embarrassment. “When I was in trouble, you didn’t hesitate to come and save me. I remember a time when you would’ve been too scared to do that. You would call Jane or Parr for help. But you didn’t even hesitate to save me.”
Realization dawned in Kat’s eyes as a smile grew on her face. “It’s not a big deal,” she mumbled, but secretly her heart filled with pride. Kat always felt like she was the weak link, the queen who couldn’t help herself, much less any of the others. Anna knew how important strength was to Kat, and both of them knew how monumental something like helping Anna was to her. “I mean, anyone would’ve had to save you with how badly you tied that knot.”
“Hey!” Anna guffawed, “I’ve tied hundreds of knots.”
“Then maybe I should come with you more often if they all come apart as quickly as that one.”
Shooting Kat a childish glare, Anna huffed. “How do I know you didn’t tamper with it just so you could save me and be a hero?”
Ignoring the question, Kat said, “You think I’m a hero? Wow, I can’t wait to tell Bo that I’m your hero -”
“That is not what I’m implying now, Katherine,” Anna made sure to cut her friend off. The two of them dissolved into laughter, the adrenaline draining from their bodies. “Well,” Anna sighed, laying down next to Kat on the ground. “That was an experience.”
Laughing, Kat shook her head as she watched the clouds float by. “We are never doing this again.”
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flyswhumpcenter · 4 years
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Bad Things Happen Bingo! The event where you send me requests according to this marvelous card! (Red cross is the completed prompt, character headshots are prompts I’ve already filled. Green deltas are for requested prompts.)
Choo choo, the Sickfic Express has just arrived in Galar, straight from Oreburgh City! 
First fic of 2020 is a sickfic oneshot. How rivetting. I've very recently beaten Pokémon Sword and loved it! I found myself really loving the characters, what they are and what they've already become in my mind, so I couldn't help myself but type what I know best... A sickfic. Also, this fandom needs more of this stuff, so here. I'm providing. Is this story OOC? Chances they are. Was it absolutely a blast to write? You bet. I'm probably gonna look back on it later down the lane and be uncomfortable with how I depicted the characters; but you do need to discover the characters first, and what better opportunity for that than a little sickfic with some angst and pre-rel dramatic tension? Anyway, I hope you'll like this lil' thing I busted out in literally a couple hours. I forgot how fun it was to write without worrying yourself over continuity or already established elements like in Earth Never Stops... Btw, this fic was originally requested to me as a FE3H fill for Hubert, so I decided I'd most likely use another square on my card for him. Sorry Nonnie for this, my inspiration got the best of me yet again! 
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Candles in the Rain
Summary: Is feverishly staggering through the damp streets of Hammerlocke under the rain with very little hope to feel warmth again and even less sense of direction a fitting end for a former Champion now that he's been defeated once? Scratch that: he doesn't have the time or brain power remaining to process such a question. Or: Leon witnesses a miracle in the form of a little dog and a childhood friend.
Fandom: Pokémon Sword and Shield (post-canon/game: beware for spoilers) Relationships: Pre-relationship Leon/Sonia
Wordcount: 3.1K words
Event hosted by @badthingshappenbingo​
AO3 version available here.
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The streets of Hammerlocke are covered by a thick layer of rainwater, typical early winter in Galar. Nobody dares going against the terrible weather, which isn’t unlike the flooding that almost ate Kabu’s region of origin, or rather how he once described it based on bedtime stories, a couple thousand years ago. Honestly, after what Galar just went through, he can believe the tale to have been real all along, no issue there…
As always, he’s lost in the grand city of his main rival, and that frustrates him. He’s cold from the water having filled his shoes and wet his hair for hours and hours on end, not even the fire of the camp being able to make him feel warmer. If it wasn’t for his partners’ demands, urging him to stop camping in the wilderness and find a Centre already, he’d have surely stayed in the Wild Area and biked to a better spot. Ah, he misses Postwick, now. At least, he can’t get lost in Postwick, there’d be Hop and his now-Champion best friend, if not Sonia paying them all a visit, and there’d be the warmth of his childhood home… Gods, perhaps he does miss the peaceful life of a ten-year-old whose only contact to the Gym Challenge is dreams of grandeur.
Ah, if it didn’t rain so badly, Charizard could be warming the both of them as he tried to make his way to the nearest Centre.
 Despite his best efforts to remain proud and confident, he ends up having to lean against a wall to stop a coughing fit from suddenly urging itself out of there. He must look pathetic and he does wish, deep down, that someone would get out of their house for a reason or another, recognize him like literally everybody in Galar; but his pride and brand would be on the line, and nobody is fighting against the terrible, terrible weather today. He’s all alone in the streets of the city, pushing himself from the wall with wobbly arms, trying his hardest to remember where to go with slow, hazy thoughts…
Even if he was cold merely moments before, his head now burns. He feels too hot under clothes that are wildly unfitting of such a muddy season, despite the hair rising on what is exposed of his arms. A Cramorant stole his jacket when he was training, a Linoone tried to steal his stuff, and he ended up having a Pokemon knocked out and losing most of his healing items in the kerfuffle. It really hasn’t been his day, lately…
 His chest hurts. Not from the outside, as if he had injured himself in one of the falls he endured trying to feel from the Wild Area with no Pokemon to battle with and the slippery grass constantly trying to get the best of him, but from the inside. He doesn’t doubt the possible existence of bruises under the shirt that sticks to his limbs like a second, drenched skin; but this isn’t it. It intensifies when he coughs and it rattles strangely. When he tries to ignore the excruciating weather wishing for his demise, he hears the strange sounds his breathing now makes. He doesn’t know them so, in a moment of out-of-character lack of reason, he gets scared of them and vaguely wonders about worst-case scenarios.
It isn’t just his chest either. It’s his throat, it’s his mouth, it’s his feet, it’s his legs. Everything in his body is tired and screaming for rest, but he cannot provide it for any of his own self at the moment, stuck trying to navigate with what little he can distinguish with almost-closed eyes from how much he has to squint. His eyes can’t focus anymore, this much he realizes with a bitter sense of resignation, so everything he sees is blurry, including the weird gooey stuff he keeps coughing out whenever he can’t breathe anymore and has to stop for who knows how long.
 He trips over his own unmade shoe tie, losing in one fell swoop what was left of his balance, and falls right into the rainwater that has accumulated on the ground. It sounds and looks and feels like it’s the end, that this is where his journey ends: in some damp street of a city that he has never been able to find his way in, alone, cold and hot at the same time, rain burying him with the rest of the pavement. Not that he even thinks he has the energy to go on… Not like that. Not when his strength, the only thing he thought he had left, has all but given up on him too. Truly alone in a time where, sitting against a giant wall, he realizes what has been going on and poisoning his breath. Hah, ironic.
Still, this isn’t how he should admit defeat. He’s been won over now, and recently at that, and it’d be more than a shame for him to all but give up now. He needs to bring his team to the Centre, he can’t not try taking his revenge on the new Champion, he can’t not at least prove his superior battle skills to Raihan yet again, he just can’t leave Hop, and Sonia, and everyone else like that…
So he rises up once again, on weak arms and unsteady legs, almost tripping over himself, shoulder stuck against the wall. He won’t let this be the end of him.
 Even with a new resolve, it still doesn’t make it much better for him. Unless there’s a miracle happening right before him, he’s stuck with his heavily weakened state trying to find a place whose location he has no idea. His phone doesn’t seem to be able to show a map, its signal disturbed after whatever happened to it while he was looking or doing the polar opposite, so he’s stuck with his truly inefficient sense of orientation.
But it’ll be okay. It’ll have to be okay, because he needs to see Hop become a Professor, to buy Sonia’s new book, to rematch the Champion and his Leader friends, to give his team at least one more chance to shine. It’ll be okay, surely it’ll be okay, of course it’ll be okay… It’ll be okay, because this is all a terrible nightmare he’s going to wake up from, where he isn’t stuck in the torrential rain with a fainted party and very little hope of finding way out.
It’ll be okay, oh so okay…
 He tumbles and falls over again, this time hitting the ground with no grace whatsoever, most likely scratching elbows and knees in the process. Even rising his head up as not to cough in water when a fit claws at his throat again takes most of the energy he has left, only for his blurry sight and cottoned-down hearing to spot the first good thing in who knows many hours: a familiar yelp and vague brown-and-yellow figure rushing towards him.
With a trembling and feeble hand, he tries reaching out to the Yamper who has guided him so many times out of dangerous situations, only for an oh so familiar voice to yell in his direction. Still, it’s hard to know if it’s real or just his imagination. Ah, well; he’ll have to see when he’ll have woken up. If he even wakes up from the darkness starting to invade his vision…
  “Yamper, where in the world are you running like that?!” This creature never stops running, doesn’t it? “Yamper, wait for me!”
If she’s used to her trusty furry assistant running around everywhere it goes and pursuing it, Sonia has to notice there’s something odd in the air. Yamper never goes this fast, especially not in a city where it could smash muzzle first into people. There’s an urgent feeling to its yelps as it runs in one precise direction.
 As suddenly as Yamper started running when she had just gone out of the vault to investigate a little bit more into the Galar mythos she had become a specialist of, it stops right in its tracks in a little street she’s frankly never seen nor noticed before. With how much it’s raining and how unlikely it is to stop pouring soon, she doesn’t want the both of them out for much longer than needed.
She stops to regain her breath, hands on her knees as she folds in two, wet red hair hanging from her head. Yamper stays in place, running around her in circles, then disappearing from her view into the old, little street covered in rain and shadows. It doesn’t seem to have any intent on leaving soon.
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“Why did you… bring me here…? Seriously, it’s raining Growlithes and Purrloins…!”
Still, Sonia gets herself together and goes on to follow her “assistant”. There’s dread building in her chest and stomach that she can hardly ignore… She’s seen enough movies as a teenager to know where this is going. She’s going to end up tangled into some messed-up situation, isn’t she…?
 Her heart skips a beat when she notices a very familiar person lying face down on the pavement, drenched to the bone. A person who hasn’t given her any response or sign of life for a few days.
Someone who’s gotten lost in Hammerlocke again.
 -------
 When he wakes up, everything feels different than the last time he’s been awake. It’s all white, dry and soft. He stills feels too hot and too cold, breathing remains a chore and he wishes he wasn’t there anyway; but he supposes he’s now safe and, honestly, he can’t think of anything much worse than treading through the torrential rain with little strength left.
Now, if he knew what the thing on his face was, he’d be doing a bit better, but his arms feel like they’re made out of lead and he lacks the energy to rise them to his mouth and at least touch it…
 “Leon?”
The voice, even if it’s muffled, is undoubtedly Sonia’s. He can’t quite put a finger on why exactly, yet he feels like this confirms something. If his chest didn’t feel so heavy and full, he’d have sighed in relief. That doesn’t prevent him from coughing again when trying to respond to his own name.
“Let me do the talking, okay? I’m sure you have a metric ton of questions to ask, but for the love of Galar, spare your voice unless necessary.”
 Now that his vision is focusing again, he notices both the pipe inserted in his wrist and the frown on her face. She seems less than content with something. What, he doesn’t quite know, and thinking hurts his head even further than it already bothers him, heavy on his neck despite resting on a pillow. Speaking of which, where is his stuff? His clothes?
“Hey, hey, hey,” Sonia rises from her chair and puts her hands on his chest, putting him back into his mattress. “You stay here and don’t cause anyone any worry more than you’ve already done!”
 He’s confused as to why she’s so adamant on him not doing anything. No speaking, no moving… If he didn’t feel this drained and lethargic, he’d absolutely get back at her with playfulness. Well, that does kind of answer his own question, doesn’t it? Or, at least, it seems to make sense to his brain which has troubles keeping up with the situation…
Yet, he sees a small smirk contrast with her frowned eyebrows. She seems… pained. Pained by what, or who, he doesn’t know; he’s most likely at least partially responsible for it, because she wouldn’t be there otherwise.
 “I don’t know how you’ve ended up in that situation exactly, Leon, but you’ve managed to surpass yourself in terms of putting yourself in harm’s way. You’ve scared us before, but not to that extent!”
“I…” His voice sounds hoarse and it absolutely feels that way. “It’s complicated…”
“Your entire party was fainted, safe for Charizard who was about to follow; you somehow bricked your phone in the process and ended up catching more than a death of cold. Where were you during all that time?!”
Sonia sounds a bit too scared for someone who’s facing her childhood friend stuck in a bed.
“The Wild Area…”
“That’d explain why you were soaked to the bone when I found you lying in a puddle… You’ll have to excuse me for using that crude language, you scared everyone on that one!”
 It’s his turn to ask a little question, even if the state of his body makes him want to remain quiet. Still, no matter how intelligent she is, Sonia doesn’t read minds, so he’s somewhat forced to go through with it if he wants his answers.
“Where are we?”
“A clinic in Hammerlocke. I forgot to add you also scared the ER staff with how bad your breathing was.” Has to be that irritating wheezing sound he’s hearing since he’s woken up. “By the way, since I know you’re going to ask me about that, your team is safe and doing much better now. They’re all gently resting in their balls while you recover.”
He misses Charizard and everyone else already. He owes them a big apology, that’s for sure, but he’s also certain his brain can’t process much right now. Sometimes, you just need to admit yourself to have been defeated… even if it bothers you to no end.
 Sonia paces around for a little bit before sitting down on the chair next to the bed, arms still crossed. She sounds more than frustrated, and, well… He can’t really hold it against her, can he? He already can barely hold anything against her to begin with, considering how much they’ve lived through together; it’s not today, in these circumstances, that he’ll try finding a reason for her not to be frustrated. Who knows how long he’s been gone without giving news: he frankly, forgot how quickly or slowly time was passing while he was wandering through the Wild Area.
“At least, you’re still here and breathing with us. Just, if you could not do that ever again, it’d be better, you know? I can’t always be there worrying after you when I’m now a Prof! Arceus, I don’t even imagine what sequence of events has thrown you into such a state. You looked absolutely pitiful when Yamper found you.”
 He tries to puff at himself to ease the tension he feels rising, but all he ends up doing is coughing. And coughing. And coughing.
“What did I say about sparing your voice? Tch, you’ll never change, will you? You’ve always stubborn, after all, so there’s no reason that’ll change now. That’s part of your charm, I suppose.” She shrugs before suddenly darting her eyes away from him. “But you’re right, I shouldn’t have to worry! You were the Champion of Galar for more than ten years, why would I be afraid of you? That makes very little sense, haha!”
“S-Sonia…”
 He only now spots the dark rings under her eyes and the hair pulling out of her ponytail, one strand at a time. How long was he out for, and for how much of that time was she there, exactly? (Hey, he does work fairly well, for someone who can’t stop sweating and whose entire frame is shaken up by chills at irregular intervals!). Too many questions, too little available brain space, he guesses…
“Go for it, make fun of your good old friend who still hasn’t gotten the memo. I should have been like Hop and blindly believed you’d come back to us, as you’ve always done…”
Oh, right, Hop! How is he doing, has he advanced in his research, does he still worry for him? Well, sadly, it’s not the time to think about his brother: his childhood friend seems to have a meltdown right in front of him.
“Why?”
 Sonia stares at him, completely silent, eyes wide. Seems like she doesn’t have an answer to her own interrogation, until pain comes back on her face like the wave crashing on the shore.
“You don’t… think it’s ridiculous?”
“What?” His throat doesn’t take kindly to his attempts at having a conversation.
“Everything! We swore we’d trust each other, but look at me, worrying over you as if we were still kids running in the fields with the Wooloos… And I’m telling you all that while you’re cooking on the inside! Really, isn’t that ridiculous?”
 Gathering his breath and his strength, he rises up with shaky arms against the bedhead, pillow still preventing his head from entirely lulling over his shoulder from how heavy it is. Whatever he’s caught, it’s one hell of an affliction he’s found himself with. Still, if it’s for Sonia, if she’s this distraught over the situation (he did almost pass away), he can put up with the migraine, the difficult breathing, the mask over his mouth, the lethargy, the chills…
“I’m sorry, Sonia.”
He does cough immediately after apologizing, as expected. For once, she doesn’t reply immediately, doesn’t make a witty remark; instead, she looks confused and maybe embarrassed, considering the red he can see with the eyes that still refuse to entirely focus for more than a few seconds.
“Sorry for what? And, again, spare your voice, you…”
“For all of this.”
 Her expression softens, eyebrows drooping and eyes shining brighter. Even if it’s slight and his eyes almost miss it, she finally smiles.
“How long…?” He’s interrupted by a fit.
“How long you’ve been out?” He nods, still trying to calm his chest down. “Around half a day. You did wake up at some point but immediately passed out again. No wonder why you don’t remember that.”
He now points at her with an unsteady finger. “Why are you… Oh, how long I’ve been here?” He nods again. “Most of that time, I’d say. I’d also say I fell asleep at some point too…”
 She crosses her arms again, just as his vision starts weakening again. It’s back to sleep, right?
“I think we both need our rest. I’m also certain Hop is waiting at the door, so you’ll even have a guardian angel watching over you, isn’t that super cool? And if you attempt rising from that bed, you’re sure to be put back into it in mere seconds!”
He’d try laughing if it didn’t trigger such a massive reaction from his lungs, so he decides to just nod instead.
“See you later, Leon. Goodnight.”
He waves at her, the lethargy still reflecting in his slow and sloppy gestures, but that’s fine enough for now. Her smile is worth it, isn’t it?
 Absolutely worth trekking through the rain with full lungs and little energy left…
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365daysofsasuhina · 4 years
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[ 365 Days of SasuHina || Day Two Hundred Ninety-One: Excuses ] [ Uchiha Sasuke, Hyūga Hinata, Hyūga Hiashi ] [ SasuHina ] [ Verse: A Light Amongst Shadows ] [ AO3 Link ]
“...that’s enough.”
Breaking apart, the sisters both try to catch their breath in the pervading silence. Several other Hyūga watching the spar flicker eyes warily between them, and their father.
Arms tucked into his sleeves, Hiashi’s head bows, eyes closed in thought. Beside him, one of the Hyūga elders stands resolute.
“...I have made my decision. After several spars against myself, your sister, and even your cousin, you have proven time and time again you are unfit to be given the role of heiress, Hinata.”
Pale eyes widen.
“The Hyūga must remain strong...and they cannot do so with someone weak and hesitant at their helm. Therefore, the title shall be stripped from you, and instead given to your sister, Hanabi.”
For a long moment, she seems to stare into nothing, unblinking as shock wipes her face clean. But then defeat bows her head and deflates her shoulders. “...I understand.”
“I suggest you remember this moment, Hinata...and how it makes you feel. May you endeavor never to feel this way again. The rest of you may take your leave...this spar is over. Hanabi, come with me.”
The younger sister hesitates, glancing from her father to Hinata. For a moment they lock eyes - sorrowful uncertainty within Hanabi’s, and resolute acceptance in Hinata’s. “...hai.”
The dojo slowly empties as everyone takes their leave, Hinata the only remaining in the subsequent silence. Arm around her torso - a bit sore from a blow her sister landed - she just...stands, unmoving and quiet. Then jerky movements see her drop to her knees, folding in on herself.
Why...why can’t she overcome this…? Any reason that comes to mind just feels like some cheap excuse. She should be able to take her father’s criticisms. She should be able to ignore the hateful burning in her cousin’s eyes. She should be able to set aside her love for her sister in a spar and land what blows she knows she can land...and yet doesn’t.
And now...it’s over. Her hesitation and frailty have lost her her title. Maybe it’s for the best. Maybe Hiashi is right...maybe she is unfit to lead the Hyūga.
Then why...does she feel so disappointed? If it’s for the good of her clan...she should want the title to go where it must.
But without it...what is her purpose?
Overcome with a hopeless grief, she wallows in it for a time within the dojo before staggering to her feet.
He’s right...she never wants to feel this way again.
Avoiding the eyes of every Hyūga she meets, Hinata goes past her bedroom, and instead makes her way to the front gate of the clan compound. Crying herself into a nap won’t do her any good...she won’t give herself the opportunity.
Instead, she leaves her kin behind and walks her way to the nearest training ground. A few other shinobi mill about, kicking at posts and lobbing handheld weapons into targets. Hinata finds a wooden training post off to one side, partially obscured by trees from the others. She’d rather avoid talking to anyone right now.
For a long moment, she stares at the worn surface of the stripped log. Despite its weathering, this one is still in rather good shape. How many shinobi have used it, she has to wonder, considering it silently. Time passes slowly as she loses herself in thoughts that branch further and further outward, considering the other warriors of her village. Their struggles. Their triumphs. How, in the grand scheme of things, her failure surely isn’t so bad. The Hyūga will move on. Her sister will move on.
...but what is she going to do…?
For a while now, she’s attempted to mimic an inspiring classmate, adapting his shinobi way of never going back on her word. But...what does that really mean…? She’s never really had a word to go back on. No one relies on her. No one entrusts anything to her...except her role as heiress. With that gone, what is she supposed to...do?
Hinata is young yet. Not yet a genin, her career as a shinobi has yet to even start. Her training with her clan and in her schooling has been preparing her, but...for what? To be a shinobi, of course...but beyond that, what is her goal? Her purpose?
An uncertain answer emerges in her mind. To stand beside Naruto. To become worthy of his attention! But...why? And if she reaches it...what then? Perhaps her sorrowful mood is to blame, but here and now, it sounds so...shallow. Is that really her life’s goal? When he doesn’t even see her?
But why would he...she’s weak, meek, quiet and hesitant. Someone like Naruto has no need to notice her.
...what will she do, now?
Struggling against frustrated, hopeless tears, Hinata takes her clan’s fighting stance, facing her imaginary opponent. Unyielding, the log seems to stare her down. And even as her eyes burn, she gives a cry, launching forward with a flare of chakra. This target has no tenketsu to block, but again and again she strikes, whirling and pounding her palms against the wood.
...slowly, subtly, it begins to crack.
Building speed and momentum, Hinata lets all of her grievances come forward. The frustration she feels toward her father and his unemotional judgment, seeing her only as an instrument for the clan. The regret she feels toward her sister, having to be pitted against her again and again when all they want is to be happy siblings. The sorrow and anger she feels whenever Neji turns those hateful eyes toward her, knowing he has every right to hate her for what their clan has done to him...knowing she’s now powerless to stop it…!
“Hyaaah…!” Landing a direct blow, she lets her chakra explode from her palm, hearing a satisfying crack as the log weakens further. But for now...she’s out of breath, sagging to her knees, as her hand remains raised against the post.
“...so that’s Jūken, is it?”
Not even flinching at the voice behind her, Hinata continues to try to steady her breath. She doesn’t even need to awaken her Byakugan to know who’s there.
Uchiha Sasuke.
“Never gotten to see it up close before.”
Still no reply, hearing him step up to examine the log. But eyes shift to their corners to glance to him. As per usual, there’s almost no expression upon his face...but a slight curiosity seems to lighten his gaze. Just a little.
“Must be pretty strong to do something like that.”
“...not…”
He looks to her. “...what?”
“I...I’m not…” A pause. “...not strong.”
His brow furrows. “...did you see what you did to that post?”
After a long silence, Hinata lifts her head. Though still whole, the log is filled with deep cracks, clearly just a single strike from collapsing. Along the edges, raw chakra has smoothed and rounded them. A few places almost look...charred.
“I dunno what had you so angry, but it obviously worked.”
“...I wasn’t a-angry.” With a grunt, Hinata forces herself to her feet, swaying for a moment.
“Then what were you?”
She stares at the post, expression blank. “...frustrated. With...with myself.”
Sasuke eyes her, hands in his pockets. “...did you figure it out?”
“...no.”
“...feel any better?”
One corner of her lip twitches. “...maybe a-a little bit.”
He shrugs. “...you’ll get it. Just might take a few more logs. But you’re wrong, you know.”
“W...what?”
“You’re strong. Maybe not the way you want to be, but I could see it. You’ve got a drive. You just don’t know how to use it yet. Once you figure that out...you’ll know what I mean.”
Her brows furrow. “I...I don’t understand…?”
“...never mind. Take a break, Hyūga. You look like you need it. But uh…” He nods to her post. “...finish it off, first.”
Looking back, Hinata considers her target. Knees bending, she focuses her chakra, almost empty after her rampage, and then gives one last strike along the widest split.
With a loud crack, the entire log gives way, shattering into pieces and dust.
Sasuke gives a hint of a grin. “...maybe when you’re not fresh out of some training, we could spar some time. I’d like to see just what that technique is made of. And you, too.”
Considering that a moment, Hinata merely nods.
“...see you around, Hyūga. Keep looking. You’ll find it.” With that enigmatic send off, he turns and lifts a hand in farewell.
“...bye,” she murmurs, not even sure if he can hear her. So...he thinks she has drive, but no...direction? Well, he’s right about one thing. She just has to find one...probably easier said than done. But one thing she knows for sure...is she can’t give any more excuses. No more hesitating.
...someday, she’ll find it.
                                                                 .oOo.
     It's late and I'm exhausted and honestly I don't like this one...I even swapped out the prompt cuz the first one had me blanking all night. I'm just...drained, so I'm sorry if this feels off. But I refused to fall any further behind than I am @~@ I've had a rough few days (few weeks, more likely) so...now I'm the one making excuses, aha~      As much as I liked NaruHina when I was first in the fandom...I feel like Hinata's motivations are rather...lacking. Though her behavior (to me) is not NEARLY as gross or disrespectful as Sakura's to Sasuke, there's just something kinda...odd about her entire motivation being about being noticed by a guy. For getting stronger, sure...but like Sakura, I wish she'd do so more for herself than for anyone else. I like my girls to have goals and drives beyond "get the guy", is all. But Kishi's kinda...bad at that lol      ...I feel like I could ramble about that a lot more but I really...need to get some sleep OTL So I'll call it there. Thanks for reading, guys. I'll try to get something better done tomorrow ^^; Thanks for sticking with me through the lows the last few weeks, I really appreciate it <3
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damester13 · 5 years
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Entry #9 - (Early Life pt. 4) 08/19/19
1st Year of College. I already had met a lot of my coursemates, both upperclassmen and fellow batchmates. They honestly were different from the type of people that I was around in a Christian School. To top that off, they are likely the bests of their respectives schools, too. One of the first few people I got to talk with about our course was a guy had me amazed at his passion for what Political Science is intended for. I know comparing oneself to other people isn't what I should be doing, but let's admit it: it's an unevitable thought at times. Of course, I also met batchmates who seem to have a laid-back attitude like me, too. But our real test began right at our very first major class.
I was one of the few block-less kids in our batch and I happened to have gotten the prof for the class with a very horrifying passing rate. I was one of the people who unfortunately didn't make the cut. I failed every written exams there was in that introductory class. I remember crying about my midterm test result even if I attended a comedy show to make myself somehow happy (the skits and punchlines were very funny, believe me). But you know, I was really hopeful that I'll pass, but I started skipping classes even more after that. I was such a bad student. I have no excuse. Clearly, this wasn't how I expected my college life to go. So I took some measures in order to make college still enjoyable for me as I try to make a comeback in my academics.
The first step was to join an organization. The one I applied for was focused on PolSci with the excuse that it can help me get back on track just so my Aunt would approve of the idea of joining an org. Honestly, I was never a well-performing member there except maybe when I was starting off as the "Finance" Committee Head during my 2nd Year, but it went downhill very quickly. In the first place, I disliked having a position with only a year of membership and college life experience under my belt but considering our small number, it was sort of bound to happen to some of us. I took the job but resigned after just a few months. I felt very useless and unfit for the role and to the org as a whole. Oh but given my pathetic coping mechanism when faced with a problem, I surely made it bigger than it should be. Instead of simply announcing my resignation, I just stopped showing up to the org. I didn't have much attachment to the them at that point, let alone a few members. Honestly, I didn't know what I was doing back then, until one of the member who is also a good friend of mine smacked my back a lot out of her frustration about my action or the lack of thereof. During that moment, I felt that my choices in life really does affect other people even if it was a personal one. So I finally approached the org and got things done.
Make no mistake. Even if I treated the org quite badly, I value the memories I have with them. The people I talked a lot with, ate meals with, did org works together with, I really enjoyed their company. As a blockless kid, having people to be with wasn't an easy task but the org saved me from that solo flight. Our "tambayan" no matter how many times it gets relocated, was and will forever be my first home in college. So I want to say thank you for everything. TPAP!
2nd Year of College. I was somehow recovering from my ugly start. However, the fact that I lack the drive to pursue college was still very apparent. I actually considered applying for a LoA status around this time. I thought that I needed to pull something out of me to jumpstart myself towards literally just anything in this college journey aside from just getting over it. I was very daunted by college in general. UP is even THE top university and they have a premium on honor and excellence, both of which I failed to emulate. Heck, I even dropped a class after just one meeting. I was weak. I still am. But I had to keep trying because getting a college diploma is a necessity.
Overall, college is very different from high school. To exaggerate, everyone is in it for themselves and themselves alone. They all have something that they want to pursue for their own good. A dream, career, excellence, whatever it is, it all boils down to their utmost self-value. Back then, I may have found passion in helping people get closer to things they want to achieve, but college isn't quite the best place for that. On the other hand, High school was very forgiving in that sense. Even if you literally have 0 fucks to give about your own future, you will definitely still end up marching out of it with a diploma (as long as you're not performing so badly). If a case where someone like that in college exists, props to that guy. I just don't want that to be how I will be again.
I was hopeful until the last few moments but in the end, I didn't march at all. But this college story is only halfway done. 
Extra stories:
I also applied for another org during my 2nd year where I ended up doing the same "taking the head role" thing again. I deferred 'cuz of that and other personal reasons. I just find it hard to say "No" to shit like that.
I started as the good kid who never drinks alcohol to the kid who drinks almost every week (just for a while).  Hanging out with people becomes a lot more fun when served with a couple shots. I enjoyed college life in that sense. I have 2 friends who really was there with me during those happy days in Drews. I deeply wish that both of them are doing well. Stay safe.
I had a spicy argument with one of my closest friends. I undoubtedly overstepped my bounds as a friend back there since it was a thing between 2 of my good friends, but I think that's just who I am. I easily get driven to take action when someone I care about is in a tight situation. I like and hate that part about me. But of course, if I was the one in a tight spot, I will just let it swallow me whole. I'm so stupid.
I had a diary during my 2nd year. It's filled with me being hopeful that "things will get better next sem for me". Over and over again. But I guess I just can't get "better" started.
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outlyingthoughts · 5 years
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Trapped in a carnival: Feb 19
According to the Oxford reference definition, a carnival is : “a social expression that often subverts and parodies the conventions of society. Such subversion, parody, and satire, when applied to other realms of everyday life such as literature, is sometimes called ‘carnivalesque’. It exposes and mocks the flawed practices and decrees of officialdom”.
Costumed festivities are and have been a recurrent pattern in innumerable cultures across the globe. Whether it is the Catholic carnival or the Halloween tradition in the english-speaking world (derived from the pageant celebrations of the Gaelic Samhain Eve festival), it appears that costuming is part of basic human traditions and behaviors, regardless of cultures, ages and places.
Couples days ago, my friends and I were about to attend a themed party (basic human behavior remember?). Angels and demons. After agreeing that we’d go all together, we quickly started to rack our brains, trying to figure out how we would dress up for the event and we settled for matching outfits.
A friend and I ended up twinning as demons, both of us wearing bodysuits with coordinated colors. red and black. Hellish colors for what we expected would be hell of a night. But when I got my bodysuit out of the mail, questions were raised. As I tried it on for the first time with two friends, one had a knee-jerk reaction to it, stating that it was a lot and that she wouldn’t be comfortable wearing it. The other one’s opinion was in between, liking the outfit but also unsure about the revealing features of the bodysuit.
Revealing, indeed it was. A red laced V-neck, leaving little room for mystery. And even though questions started to build up into a debate within my styling crew (isn’t that what friends are?) on whether I should pull it off or not, one part of me was clinging onto the idea of wearing it. As I slipped into the bodysuit, I also slipped into the character, making me out of the sudden both emboldened and confident. Frustrating it would have been to not wear it.
Women bodies have always been pointed out as fruits of sin, and this idea is somehow anchored in most of human cultures for a reason I still haven’t figured out. As early as the metaphor of Adam and Eve, women have been branded with the symbolism of temptation but also as temptations themselves. We have been directed by patriarchal society to hide our bodies, one way or another, and throughout history to remain pure: putting on us men’s faults, weaknesses and inability to control their desires and blaming the victims.
As much as desires are also part of basic human behaviors, they are also a peculiar craft of our own. Shaped and reshaped during our entire socialization, they are mirrors molded in the cultures we live in. Human desires are inherently artificial, they are not biological needs and are rarely fulfilled for the sake of specie survival.
Thus the idea of lack of agency regarding one’s desires and the debate on one’s responsibility over her/his desire is a crucial concept. Researches have been and are still conducted to analyze the human brain and its reactions. The results of the first studies of that kind had serious legal implications as law solely relies on them to prove that humans are physically able to control their desires, thus legally binding them for their voluntary and conscious choice to commit an offense or a crime in the pulse of a desire. Such studies highlighted the fact, that it is possible for any mentally healthy human to control its desires and react to them according to her/his will.
Based on this, the almost automatic societal response consisting in blaming male’s lack of control and agency towards their sexual desire over women’s behavior and appearance comes as a proof of the normalization of what I consider a deviant behavior that men are socialized to interpret as normal or at least something they shouldn’t be held responsible for. Funnily enough, throughout history, those same men claimed that women had no will of their own and thus shouldn’t study, vote, work on their own, meaning shouldn’t be responsible of their own lives. For centuries, we have been handled by our fathers, husbands or literally any chromosome Y bearing person on earth, the very same that are rarely held accountable for their abnormal desire-led behaviors while putting a stereotype of irresponsibility on women.
Without meaning to, my red laced top was thrown in the middle of an everlasting debate: should I censor myself or be blamed for other people’s voluntary sexualization of my body ? A lot of weight on the shoulders of an eighteen years old girl who just wanted to party with her friends. As one part of me craved to rock my very own forbidden fruit as I felt enbolded in it and it had been praised by all my very feminist and politically aware friends, the other part of me held all the negative remarks, feeling guilty just at the thought of wearing it, as it would make me the prey of male gaze. If I listened to the remarks I got, by dressing up in such ways I’d justify or worst encourage the behavior I was denouncing earlier. To sum up, I’d become another blamable temptation. This highlights how we still live in a patriarchal society in which the rape culture is still a burning reality, where sexualizing women’s bodies regardless of the context or their intent is still the norm.
After dwelling on whether I should or not wear it, I went against my doubts and decided that I’d wear it for several reasons. Firstly, I know for a fact that if you are going to be sexually harassed or aggressed, the way you dress is just a mere excuse for the aggressor. Hiding behind clothes branded as « safe » isn’t 1) a solution for the societal issue behind the debate 2) going to prevent the person whose mind is set on agressing you from agressing you. It simply strips you from your freedom to dress accordingly to your own will, and that is a fundamental freedom for women. That day, I decided to not let male gaze or any normative patriarchal discourse prevent me from exercising this freedom that has been given to me through the fights of generations and generations of women.
As for the “reputation” side of dressing up in such ways, I sent out to our main groupchat the following text: «so I’m gonna go like that (insert picture) to Angel and Demons, so if you wanna gossip about it, you can start now, because people will see my nipples and I don’t care, if anyone pisses me off, I’ll tell them not to look at me, it’s not my problem if people choose to sexualize a part of my body that is not sexualized on men». I did not want to let slut-shaming get in my way, and quite frankly it’s 2019, if you put words and meaning behind appearances and acts, there is little harm possible to your “reputation”. Everybody understood and accepted my decision, my incentives were praised and others girls told me they had also decided to dress up in -what could be branded- a “scandalous” way. Being mainly surrounded by male friends that are aware of how flawed our society is in terms of sexism and aspire to participate along the side of women in the making of new norms, they also supported my choice of wearing my red bodysuit and I was, then, 200% sold.
From the moment I posted that text until the day of the event, everything went great, people might have been bad mouthing me but for all I knew and I cared, my friends supported me and the party turned out to be a fun event and we danced the night away. I don’t know if it is that I’m surrounded by an amazing community or that I simply got lucky, but no one harmed me, looked at me intensely in that threatening sexual manner that too many of us know. I tried to limit the spread on social media of pictures from that night to websites where I could control them. Yet to be honest, as soon we accept to take pictures or go out in our everyday life, we accept that anyone can find, keep and spread later images of us in public spaces. This bodysuit debate made me come up with a guideline of only wearing and doing things I would and will still be ok with being seen and posted in a twenty years time. This oversharing and ineffaceability that characterizes the internet created something that most of my friends and I have integrated. Living in an overconnected world and planning to have thriving careers, we owe it to our success to own and control every single word, act and image of us that could be, in this digital age, used against us.
But here again, I would willingly show these pictures to my children, and if I ever get lucky enough I’d be proud to explain my decision of wearing such revealing piece of clothing to who ever would try to minimize my professional legitimacy or who I am to a simply piece of scarlet lace. Because that is something that needs to be reiterated, the world has to stop associating women’s worth to their appearance. I find it increasingly shocking as days pass by that a woman can be denigrated on the basis of her clothing only because people have crossed boundaries and sexualized parts of her body regardless of whether she meant or not to sexualize her outfit. I could go on and on about Instagram’s policy regarding the ban women’s nipple while male nipples are seen as non harming to/by the Instagram community, or even something as innocent as hairstyles in the professional life (the fact that black women are often facing troubles within the corporate context because most of our natural hairstyles are considered to be unprofessional or unfit to someone holding a high position in hierarchy): it appears that women’s bodies have been institutionalized as a danger to human kind requiring to be tamed or hidden.
Meanwhile, few days after the Angels and Demons night, one of my relatives called me, fuming after seeing pictures from the party. He said he was ashamed of me, of seeing me dressed up like this, in a way he considered indecent.
But whether it is or not indecent, little do I care. The problem with “indecency” or such terms is that they are socially constructed and vary according to time periods and cultures. One part of me has understood through socialization that indeed nudity or partially nudity is indecent/deviant, abnormal/illegal in public, which makes me understand his point of view and shock, but then another other one looks at #freethenipple movements and many others, that argue that what makes women’s breasts or part of them indecent today is the tradition of blatant sexualization of women’s bodies throughout ages. In my relative’s argumentation, it appeared that a huge part of the issue to him was the vision people would have of me, that men already “disrespect women but that it’d be worst” if people associated me to that lacy scandal. He professed that I’d only meet ‘bad men’ and have a bad reputation if I kept up with that attitude.
And I was shook to my very core.
There was something extremely primitive and backward to his arguments. While I could understand his views on decency, the fact that he supported them using patriarchal clichés, implying that if I hooked up with men and dressed in a provocative way, I could/would only be passivily used by men. Through his speech, he took from me any kind of control over my sexuality or room for my own desires as he was describing the “consequences” of appearing in public in such ways.
This made me realize how women’s desires are often suppressed or disregarded from mainstream discourses and ideas but also the way I was educated by my atheist so-called progressive left leaning family. Within my family context, female sexuality was solely addressed in the context of informing us about sexual reproduction -which I already feel very lucky I received because there is an unbelievable number of women on earth who are not taught about their own selves, thus lacking of any resources to learn how to protect themselves and their sexual life-. But never has any adult throughout my teenage years addressed what pleasure was. Not in sex ed class, not in a family talk on sexuality, never.  The thing is that along with not owning the sexualization of our bodies or the link between our reputations and appearance, society also expected us to be hidden whores. You’re expected to meet patriarchal expectations, be a sexual being (remember our bodies throw men “out of control and responsibility”!) but you can’t explore it on your own  (outside of a normative heterosexual monogamous exclusive relationship) without being discredited, stigmatized as being a slut or deviant.
As such my relative was afraid that my reputation as a woman (supposed to have standards) would be jeopardiwed because I’d be associated with a provocative piece of clothing suggesting that I’m not a hidden whore but an public one. It felt like he thought I couldn’t afford to not be respectable based on men judgement and standards. Then he suggested that my outfits would increase the chances of me of getting raped or sexually harassed and it felt like he was just re-assessing the entire sexist dynamic of our society: instead of normalizing women’s ability to dispose of and expose their body in the way they want to, it just slut-shames them into covering their body parts.
By saying that he was ashamed, he associated my clothing to a certain type of behavior that he then judged and shamed. Adding to the fact that it is inherently wrong to “judge a book by its cover”, it just shows how even people that know you rarely dissociate people from their appearances and tend to easily forget your initial worth when they interpret negatively the symbolism in your clothing. As he normalized through his discourse the minimization of women to their appearance and legitimized through his meant-to-be educational advices that women are treated and seen as if they were as shallow as the layers they coat themselves into, I felt hurt. Without meaning to, he still suggested that I was acting like a whore. As hurt as I was, still I knew.
I knew that I had slipped into my stigmatizing scarlet bodysuit just the time of a night and I wouldn’t let myself become my carnival costume. And so no matter how bad I felt, I decided that I’d keep on dressing up the way I wanted to. One day this relative might tell me off again and I’ll tell him: I won’t reduce all my intelligence, experiences, dreams and expectations to the way I appear to people that are -sorry if I cross anyone- stupid enough to judge me only in the context of a themed party and choose to ignore the multiple layers a human being can have.
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toptecharena · 6 years
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I hope to never find myself in that tight box anymore.
One great worry I had before getting into a relationship was my sexual well-being.
By the time I and my boyfriend began dating and later got into a relationship, I was so absolutely head over heels in love with him.
In the two months between our first meeting and getting into a relationship, the talk of whether he liked going down on women never came up.
And that’s a mistake I’ll never make again. And I sincerely believe no woman should, whether or not you hold oral sex in a hallowed spot in your heart.
I admit I was guilty of taking it for granted that every guy who liked to get oral sex would like to perform it, too.
I had been in other sexual relationships and while some were not so great, I’ve been taken on some wild pleasurable journeys that began with someone’s head buried between my legs.
And oh how I grew to thoroughly love being eaten out.
I’d later know that there are women who actually never feel comfortable with having people getting that close to that part of their bodies.
In all my past relationships since I began dating and having sex at 20, oral sex did not even need to be talked about. It always happened without any one of us having to ask.
ALSO READ: Guys, your relationship is half dead if you don’t give head
I and my four boyfriends before him just naturally entered into the pattern of orally pleasuring each other and it was really cool to not have that discussion of whether we’d do it or not.
Unfortunately for me, my boyfriend’s life and mine had become so connected before I knew of his aversion to oral sex.
We actually waited for a little over four months before going all the way.
He was such a great guy, knew how to be a gentleman, treated me like a princess and brought out the freak in me at the same time. His sex and stroke game was that strong.
Somehow, though, I never felt satisfied. I loved giving and getting head.
  I am one of those ladies who would rather get head without penetration than get penetrated without head and this practically stressed me out all through that relationship.
ALSO READ: Questions you shouldn’t ask during sex
On the very first night we went all the way, I’d told him it was his turn to go down on me after I had done the same to him. He shook his head and said he would not.
Wait, what?!
Why not?!
His response was that all vaginas were icky, dirty places and he just could not get his face anywhere close.
What the hell is this guy saying?!!!
Needless to say, I was so shocked by what I was hearing from him that I still wonder why I did not just order him out of my apartment at that moment.
  Of course we could no longer have sex that night and he eventually left after we had this crazy argument about why he was wrong on all levels for not giving head and feeling comfortable to receive it.
ALSO READ: How to initiate sex like a boss and get it every single time!
I also made it clear to him how it was a crazy opinion to think all vaginas were icky and unfit for cunnilingus even after being properly cleaned and groomed. He kept rambling on and on about how wrong it was to put his mouth down on women. His reasons for being against it centered around that time of the month and other womanly discharge. I just could not deal. I practically flew off the handle and walked him out of the apartment.
It took about a week before picked his apologetic phonecalls. After a while, he somehow convinced me and we reached an agreement – he wouldn’t give me head and wouldn’t get from me either. I actually loved that man so I thought it would be cool but three months and several rounds of headless sex after, I realized how utterly dumb that decision was.
In all fairness, the sex was never bad with him, but that sense of dissatisfaction, that something was missing, it never left. My orgasms were few and weak and of course. I never had the big O with him, to state the very obvious.
ALSO READ: Why you can’t afford to bring only good sex to a relationship
My sexual frustration soon began to tell on our relationship and by the end of five months, I ended it.
As much as he was a great guy and one of the best men I ever had, that wasn’t how I envisioned myself being in a long-term relationship.
It’s been three years and two relationships since we broke up but it has left a permanent mark on the way I view relationships and sexual partners.
I surely did not forget to ask my two most recent boyfriends the magic question long before the relationships began – do you give head?
If their answers had been no, I probably would still be single at the time of this story.
Go to Source Author: Ayoola Adetayo Love & Sex: I dated a guy who denied me of oral sex, it was so much stress I hope to never find myself in that tight box anymore. One great worry I had before getting into a relationship was my sexual well-being.
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nicksstoryvault · 7 years
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Snuggled against the warm expanse of his father’s chest, the chubby wolf pup released a soft growl of contentment. Months had passed since he had first awoken to this feeling of utter safety and security within the gloom of this darkened den. The cold lingered in the airwaves but was as potent as a soft breeze measured against the warmth he was feeling. He couldn’t imagine being anywhere else, or even wanting to be. The outside world was dangerous, but he would grow strong one day-like daddy-and he would make all the other animals afraid of him. The inner predator wanted that delicious feeling of dominance to be sated along with his own natural inclination towards hunger and the taste of blood on his tongue. The thoughts and feelings were strange to him. He had never killed-but he had seen his daddy do it once when he didn’t know he was watching. It enthralled and scared him all at once. Until now, the only thing he hungered for was the succulent taste of milk, but as he got bigger, he got hungrier and daddy could barely feed him and both his sisters. The thought of them made the wolf shift instinctively to look at them, sleeping peacefully against the rise and fall of daddy’s chest.
They annoyed him-well just Rora-but he loved them and would protect them against anything. But to do that, he needed to be strong. He needed to be… “huh?” The chubby wolf raised his tiny muzzle and sniffed once a foreign scent entered the airwaves that had not been there before. Alarm and confusion had set in. He might be little, but he knew something was wrong. Raising his paw, the wolf began to scratch his tiny claws against Bucky’s sleeping form. “Daddy. Daddy something’s out there.”
A low growl erupted from the slumbering dire wolf, Bucky sluggishly opened his eyes to the receding darkness, his luminous blue irises resolved intently on his inquisitive and reckless pup. He had been extracted out of a contented sleep, and he wasn’t in the mood for scouting outside his den. The falling snow outside their burrow was an interlude of the coming northern storm.
It was a harsh December morning, and he needed to refuel his strength in order to produce enough milk to feed his hungry babies. Lifting his head after parting his jaws to yawn, Bucky regarded the dark pup with a frosted glare, conveying his disinterest. “Bren, go back to sleep, it’s nothin’, probably a stupid bunny…” He grumbled in slurring timbre, effortlessly shifted his massive paw, and nudged his son closer to his bloated stomach as Aurora cuddled against little Mattie. He relished the feel of his pups, the warmth, and belonging that had once seemed unimaginable to accept. Now, that he was forever changed into a devoted father; it had become addicting for him every day. Instead of the metallic weight of his bionic arm, he felt their tiny and furry bodies pressed against him. Nothing compared to that anchor. “You gotta stay close Daddy, it’s too cold out here for us. Breakfast will come soon, I promise-”
“Daddy!” Brennen whined aggressively, nudging and squirming his way out of his alpha’s enormous arm until he, at last, managed to climb his way up and over. He landed on his chubby little backside with a “oompf” that evolved into a frustrated little growl. “It’s not wabbit, daddy! Wake up!” Bounding up onto his little paws, the pup barreled forward and tried to scratch and nudge the alpha to regain his attention. But as moments passed, the little pup listened to the deafening snores coming from the enormous muzzle and realized his daddy would not be getting up to investigate the strange smell. A flare of anger pulsed through his tiny little body as he felt ignored. “Fine, sweep! I can check it myself!” Stomping his paws into the ground, the chubby little pup turned and glared at the entrance of the den, his muzzle bristling with anticipation as the scent became stronger. The short few steps he had taken away from his source of heat and already begun to fill him with an unshakable chill. Daddy wasn’t wrong about the cold. It was bad, but as he felt a churning in his stomach, Brennen decided his hunger was even worst.
He needed to eat. Turning towards his alpha once again, he persistently waddles towards him and begins to nuzzle the area of his chest. “Need Bweakfast, daddy.” He growled and whined all at once. The den began to feel colder and more constricting. The room spun for a moment and the pup began to feel as if he were going to fall asleep. He needed to eat something-anything. Recalling his father’s words, he raised his muzzle and let it guide him towards the entrance to the den. He would find that wabbit, and kill it.
“Don’t even think about leavin’, Bren,” Bucky dismissed a thick growl, deep resonance of an effective warning, he could easily sense his son’s resolve to wander out of their den. The searing coldness penetrated under his layers of chestnut, gripping every bone of his canine body. He grimaced faintly, before setting an unwavering glare of icy blue at his chubby little guy. “Whatever you’re smelling out there, it’s not worth to engage, Bren,” he advised tiredly; feeling Aurora’s greedy snout burying into his fur. Hungry was a force he couldn’t relent against at the moment. “I know your gut needs a good fill in it, but you gotta trust Daddy, I’m not gonna to let you play with our little darlin’s without a big breakfast…” His intent gaze drifted to the rocky entrance of their den, he could even budge a muscle. He needed to sleep.“S'just give Daddy another hour and we’ll be fine.”
Outside, the enforcer had craved for the vulnerable smell wavering over mounds of snow. His massive and daunting form edged to the clusters of pine trees, weighted branches raked over his pelt as his shoulders tensed in automatic response. Even if a pup crossed his sight, he would kill it on contact. Breeds of filth would taint his domain, and infect the hierarchy of his ranks. He had smelt the intruder before, at first recognizing the stink of human flesh, but then wolf. Now, the myriad of scents belonged to young pups, he guessed around a few months, still depending on mama’s milk. It didn’t matter, he was a heartless killer, bred to execute orders and stain his muzzle with blood.
Nearing the drifts of snow that form over the earthly burrow, the he-wolf froze in his methodical paces, pointed ears twitched registering volumes of little squeaks and growls. Definitely a pup. His piercing white eyes trained hawkishly on a small and pudgy furball slipping away from the shadowy den. The pup was unaware of his lethal presence but focused on his marked kill: a small rabbit caught in his sights.
Sitting on his hackles, the ghostly enforcer observed the dark furred pup stalking away from the den, it had been a long time since he discovered an exceptional young soldier for his ranks, so young to be conditioned for the kill lines. Brennen’s true skills were being illustrated with fluid and stealth movements, the little pup was already mastering how to use darkness as his cover of approach, almost like he was born to become an assassin. Perhaps his pack could find use with the baby since the elders were unfit for battle. He needed to reach out to the pup, use a false sense of trust to obtain him.
In seconds as his soulless eyes tracked the rabbit thumping under a bush, he sprang into the air with deadly precision, soaring over Brennen like a dark wraith and sunk his fangs into the exposed rabbit. He snagged the animal with a forceful bite, clamping his jaws around its weak neck, and then pierced through bone as the bunny went limp. He dropped the body into the snow, right in front of Brennen. It served as a peace offering, but also a test to see if the pup desired for blood. “You shouldn’t be out here alone in the cold, little one, hunting isn’t a game. It’s life.”
Brennen would have howled with fright if his tiny lungs were capable of such a feat at his point. What came from his muzzle was a sharp yelp, startled and completely taken by surprise he stared at the enormous creature in front of him whose size easily dwarfed his own. It was a big monster. That was the only thing his mind could reveal to itself. Despite the fact it looked like a wolf the same as his daddy, the look on his face was scarier than anything Brennen had ever seen. There was no kindness or warmth in those frightening orbs shimmering with malice. They were blue and scary, they had the power to make him feel frozen in the snow. His sharp teeth were red and dripping with fresh blood, staining the flawless white flakes beneath their feet with crimson death. The dead bunny forgotten, the little pup could only stare up at the enormous wolf timidly, expecting to be picked up by his teeth and made into a chew-toy just like the bunny.
A surge of defiance bubbled inside of him at the thought. He wouldn’t act scared. Daddy taught him to be brave and stand up to bullies, even if it meant being mean just the same. “W-Who are you? What do you want?” The little pup managed to purr out a timid growl, shifting uncomfortably in the snow.
The enforcer trained a vexed glare that the quivering pup, breath frosted out his long muzzle as crimson dribbled over his gray furred mane. His eyes flared at Brennen’s questions. It wasn’t a natural order for a young pup to display resistance, they were usually weak and defenseless, but this one was seeking the light of genuine truth behind a dark nightmare. He leveled his scowling face closer at the baby pup; barring his incisors -a tactic of intimation.“Do you have no sense to clamp that mouth of yours shut, runt?” he growled viciously, his voice cutting deep and raw. Brennen visibly flinched as his sour breath ghosted over the pup’s fur. There was no disguise of his intent. “To answer your question, I’m an enforcer Beta, and my mission is to search for new recruits…I take what I want and kill anything that tries to obstruct me. Including a runt like you, pup…”
Back inside the den, Bucky awoke with an alarming realization as his nose detected the absence of his pup’s scent. It was harrowing to dismiss.“Bren,” he rasped heavily, jolting his massive body up onto his grounded paws while being mindful of his dozy little girls. His icy blue eyes narrowed deeply a the heap of ragged sweaters, as he dug his muzzle into the pile, searching with frantic pulses thrumming into his heart. His precious son was missing. An illusion of fear struck his rampant mind; he couldn’t focus as the constant squeaks of his daughters’ became an obstructive noise.
“Not now little darlin’s,” he drawled in a tentative cadence, stilling his canine body and mind when a pungent stench greeted his nose. Danger…He couldn’t leave Aurora and Maddie alone, but his son was out there facing a threat that his lazy ass didn’t react towards when his son urged him to investigate. Right there, Bucky felt unavailing sickness infect his veins as his moonlit gaze steered towards Brennen’s tiny paw prints in a dust of snow. A dark presence looming near his home, and he needed to protect his pups from whatever intruder waited for him. In careful ease, he picked up Mattie with the gentle clamp of his jaw and nudged Aurora, bringing his daughters further into theentwining roots, it was the only safe place for them. He licked each of their heads and whispered dismally. “Stay here babies, Daddy’s gotta find Bren…Don’t leave this hiding spot until I come back.”
Brennen had never known true fear until the moment. The monstrous wolf in front of him was unlike anything he had ever seen or encountered before. The little pup felt smaller and more petrified then he ever felt before, but he tried, with every fiber of his little being to carry on a façade of courage. Try as he would, he unconsciously began to take several steps backward. The soft growl in is voice receded into tiny squeaks. The Beta’s threat was terrifying and true, he knew it. He watched how it killed, how it relished the blood on its tongue, and the terror he instilled in other creatures. This…this was a real wolf. Not like him, not like Rora, Maddie or even daddy. This was a wolf that never knew the compassion and familial comfort that humans carried deep in their souls. This creature in front of him could rip him to piece and wouldn’t feel a thing except satisfaction. What good would bravery do for him now? “D-Don’t hurt me, pwease…” Brennen uttered with a timid voice. He wanted his daddy now, more than ever.
His patience was fraying as the pathic echoes of the pup’s mercy cries evoked a dangerous flare to ignite within his core. His pale white eyes flashed with containable rage, but it was limited. In fluid ease, he stepped an inch closer, grazing Brennen with his forepaw. He desired to embed his fangs into the pup’s neck, listen to him squeal out a dying breath. It was pleasurable to dismiss, but he saw a little killing machine ready to become activated once the blood lust stormed the pup’s mind. “Those words can’t be tolerated in our ranks, if you want to live, you will be silent and follow me without questions, runt…”
As the Beta moved in to ensnare the little pup into his service, he was oblivious to the darkened shadow that flared like a phantom across the white slopes. It wasn’t until a fluttering wind blew across the trees that the wolf realized something was coming. A growl echoed on the wind and almost instantly, a devastating force collided with the Beta’s side, sending him toppling along the ground at harsh speed until his resilience allowed him to find his footing again. Brennen stood petrified as a statue, staring up at the new yet familiar presence shielding him from the Beta’s view with a deadly posture. The seething growl of not only a malicious predator, but an angry father entered the airwaves. “Touch my son, and I’ll kill you.” Growled Bucky Barnes.
It was a violent rush of blood, heated and cooled at the same collision of aggression, the Beta quickly flipped onto his paws, stunned momentarily by the sudden force that broke his stance. His muzzle stiffened, recognizing the stench of milk wafting from a nearby female. Obviously the runt’s bloated mother. He would kill her first. Huffing out a breath, his glaring eyes fixed on the bulky and dark-furred dire wolf, unknown to his recesses of memory. As he stared at his opponent, he noticed a row of plump teats hidden under Bucky’s undercoat. “What the hell are you?” he questioned viciously, connecting his eyes to the unwavering depths of glacial blue. There was soul ablaze in that canine visage. “ANSWER ME?…Are you a female?
"If I were you, I’d worry less about what I am, and more about what I plan to do with if you don’t get the hell away from my son!” Bucky growled threateningly, the blue of his eyes taking on an icy glare as they became affixed to the foreign intruder. His movements and posture were fluid as they entered a battle-stance, his forward paws stretched forward into the snow, his torso slanted while the whites of his canines gleamed with saliva. The natural impulse to engage and shed blood was becoming potent in his veins, as sure and natural as raw hunger needing to be sated. But he couldn’t not give into the beast just yet. Not when Brennen was still in danger. “Brennen, go back into the den. Now!” Bucky barked loud and suddenly, startling the little pup from his reverie.
Releasing a soft whine of both unease and worry, the chubby pup quickly followed his alpha’s instruction and spun on his paws to scramble back towards the entrance of the den. Only the alpha and the beta remained.
A storm of dread hung over the den site as bloodlust into a potent urge that couldn’t be restrained. Everything was fused within him and he wanted to taste blood pouring out of the dark-chestnut furred wolf’s throat. Rage seared into his bones, as his forepaws scraped into snow; he was preparing to intercept Bucky. A maniacal snarled ripped from the depths of his throat and white orbs blazed with merciless intent. “First, I’ll kill you, and then go after your babies, make them yelp out their dying breaths…”
The malicious threat wavered against his children set a fire in Bucky’s blood that had not been quelled in a long time. The desire to inflict merciless death and destruction had begun to become overwhelming. His teeth glazed with dripping saliva, he released a low pitch growl that evolved into a lethal roar. “You’ll be dead before you try!” Squaring his shoulders, the wolf took off at unprecedented speed across the path, his sizeable limbs allowing him to cover ground quickly towards his quarry at the edge of the treeline. His adrenaline racing, Bucky made the first move in what he believed to be a quick and decisive assault on a lesser predator such as the ones he had ravenous ripped to pieces until now. He was soon to be taken by complete surprise…
The Beta enforcer glided through the snow like a sleek blade, his body poised with unwavering and rapid speed as he closed the distance between his defiant and engaging target. For a moment they stood in a deadlock, intense gazes emanating heat as the black cores of their irises expanded into a dark eclipse of unshackled thirst. He chased Bucky’s fluid paces, waiting for the opening, and then collided his head into the darker he-wolf’s chest, knocking him off balance into a level of submission. Pleased with his grounded attack, a haunting growl erupted from his throat, as he struck his fore paws violently into Bucky’s exposed stomach; clawing into fur. “I’m going to enjoy making you bleed!”
The wolf’s attack had surprised Bucky who was unaccustomed to being overpowered. The fights he’d waged in the past fell into his favor due to the intimidation his powerful form exuded onto his lesser foe. But this wasn’t a lesser animal he was exerting his ferocity onto, this was as a wolf—a real wolf that was as cunning and fierce as himself. The force of the creature’s attacks were winding as well as painful. Bucky released a howl of pain as he felt the wolf’s claws pierce his torso with pressing force—grinding him into the ground. Any further and Bucky knew his blood would stain the purity of the white snow. He could not allow to that to happen. Gazing up at the wolf with defiance, Bucky snarled, “I’m going to enjoy making you scream.”
Using his augmented strength, Bucky snapped his body into a roll, taking the wolf with him as they tumbled through the snow like the loose wheel to a wrecked vehicle. “You picked the wrong den!” Bucky growled, opening is jaw, wrapped his razor sharp incisors over the wolf’s frontal paw.
Breathing heavily, the enforcer recoiled his muscles back in a faint whimper, not accepting defeat. His jaws clamped tightly as he unleashed a unmerciful onslaught into Bucky’s exposed leg, piercing his blood stained incisors into flesh, expecting resistance. His opponent didn’t relent. Flashes of red ensared his vision as he thrashed under Bucky’s plump weight, their canine bodies clashing like storms, quick as lightning with heartbeats fierce as thunder. Each move was a test of resilience and pain; everything had formed into a chaotic fringe, blood tainted the snowy air as claws and bared fangs became weapons of defense. He held no regard for Bucky’s life, not when pups were his objective. In slow motion, his jaw enclosed around the leg, with enough force to dislocate bones. “I’ve killed many wolves in the past, you’re no different than those weak and gutless mothers…” He dragged his fang into muscle, causing a gash to spread under fur. “Tell me do you enjoy pain?”
The stinging pain Bucky felt in his leg was tolerable only by the spike of his adrenaline coursing through him. It numbed the pain, but he knew he was at a disadvantage. The animal he was fighting with fought just like that: an animal, without a human soul binding him to attachment or fear of loss or death. A dangerous existence where nothing was at risk of being lost, save the satisfaction of a kill. “You’re not getting my kids, you ugly wolf,” Bucky growled out, his humanity taking hold of his mind and speech-pattern, which served to confuse his adversary if anything as they continued their struggle.
Unleashing a vicious snarl, the enforcer became aware of Bucky’s acute, instinctive plea that ghosted from his menacing resonance, snaking over his dormant and rotting heart. He never reacted to such feeble words; most of the young mothers he slew tried to protect their litters, but he was infectious and cunning–they all died the same death. Blood would leak from their punctured throats and breath crackled against their broken necks. He needed to distract Bucky with effective words to make doubt breach the surface, and then deliver his killing bite. “That male pup of yours will make a perfect killer for my ranks, he’s got the drive, I just need to accelerate it.”
Bucky felt his concentration slip for a moment once the wolf’s ominous words played into his thoughts. The haunting images of his adorable little boy being broken down, terrified, angry and forced to give into the darkness that would rob him of his identity and the humanity within his soul; becoming a mirror-reflection of the monster his father once was with eyes cold as death and malice driven by commands. A Winter Wolf. He wouldn’t let that happen. He couldn’t—“Argh!!” A howl breached Bucky’s throat, its affliction driven by the sharpened fangs that sought the opportunity with the distraction as they pierced his shoulder.
Snickering against the dark inferior wolf’s pained yelps, the enforcer drove his incisors at penetrating force into Bucky’s muscle, feeling a reactive pulse vibrate against his locking jaws. It was inevitable…He had dominance over Bucky, wielding brutal strength as he offered no mercy. Blood oozed down his throat as his snarls rose into dangerous and erratic volumes. Once the blood lust ensnared his vision, there was no escape. He was going to kill Bucky and the defenseless females and take the pup, leaving heaps of lifeless fur for the raven spies to devour. Death was coming and he was the reaper of it. “Say goodbye to your pup…” he breathed out hauntingly, gripping into layers of fur. “He belongs to me…and so will the blood of your daughters.”
“No…” Bucky couldn’t form an aggressive response, his aggression pouring from him with his very life-blood from the wound that the Beta had afflicted onto him. His muscle had betrayed him, frozen in a state of perpetual shock from the violent pain that he had not endured for a long time. Helplessness was a familiar feeling—one he despised and hoped to never feel again. But as he watched the Beta, magnificent and wild in his snow covered form, begin to make his way towards the entrance to his den, Bucky felt terror enter his body. “No! Don’t you dare hurt my babies!” He howled, desperation and fear driving him. His body began to feel cold, which had little to do with the snow coating his body from head to paw. “No!!!” The roar that escaped him was more human than wolf, his paternal instincts gripping him to consider any avenue that would allow him to get back onto his feet.
The pit of despair lingered below him, it would only swallow him whole should he allow himself to do nothing but lie and watch. A scratching at the back of his mind began to ensue from a place that was once dormant. A resonance that demanded to be allowed control for the sake of his mission—to protect his pack. With surrendering defiance, Bucky reflected on the hallowed words that would allow the beast within to take control. “Longing… Rusted, Seventeen, Daybreak…”
Every pulsating urge controlled his senses, his menacing shadow eclipsed the flawless brilliance of the snowy ground with methodical beats of his paw steps. His muzzle jutted out once the intoxicating scent of young pups; their vigorous blood would sate his bloodlust. He longed for a fresh kill; and the unbidden pleasure of terminating future rivals of his pack. The he-wolf  had engaged proved unequal to his rabid tactics. His white eyes hollowed into a dark abyss, no light reflected back as he locked onto his squeaking prey. Growling, his jaw parted as fangs thrusted out in the infinite seconds he silently neared the rocky entrance of the den. He smirked with listless satisfaction, catching the puppy scent of lavender and vanilla—little females. “Come out and die little runts…”
A screeching noise that resembled a siren began to blare in Bucky’s distorted memories. Electroshocks, icy cold, needles… They flowed into his memory with the speed of a wild car as he continued to utter each words that drove him closer to his darker-half. “Furnace, Nine, Benign, Homecoming, One…” He was so close, the feeling of absence was beginning to take over while his mind was a turbulent storm of screams, sirens, and metal colliding with bruising force. With a guttural roar, the wolf bellowed at the top of his lungs. “FREIGHT CAR!!” It was in this moment, all traces of fear and emotion disappeared from within, along with the shredding sense of pain in his shoulder. It was as if his humanity, the animal within, had been unplugged from all sensory while a hostile program took over. Vacant blue eyes open up to the world with a chilling glare. “Ready to comply…”
Before the beta engaged his lethal assault on invading the den to relish in the blood of the pups, a unmerciful and solid force of weight rammed into his hind flank, whacking his body off balance. A sharp yelp ripped from his depths as recurrent surges of pain seized his focus. He didn’t relent–instincts drove him to thrust his muzzle in the direction of his roaring opponent—this bloated mongrel, who dared to obstruct his hunt. Snarling out a vicious chorus of murderous volume, his salivating jaws parted to exposed white incisors viciously. As the last remnants of pain receded, his irises darkened into a soulless black, the void of bloodlust. There was no illusion of mercy reflecting in his livid gaze as he glared at the young alpha male. “Now I’m really going to enjoy ripping you apart into a bloodied heap of fur….”
The vicious swing of a paw smacked the Beta with staggering force across his muzzle, sending him rolling across the snowy path until he regains his feet. The audible impact was shuddering, the attacker stood in an unflinching posture that was eerily robotic. It was surprising as well unexpected. Where the Beta once saw a fat pathetic, soft excuse for a wolf, there now stood a creature who looked at him without fear—without emotion. He was being labeled only as a target to be eliminated. “Teper’ ty umresh’ (Now you die).” Words finally came off the tongue of the Bucky, his tone hollow and cold. The Winter Wolf begins to move and circle his prey across from him who matched his stride, both beasts unyielding and measuring the other’s strengths and weaknesses as they prepared to reengage in a brutal second round that would be likely to only end in bloodshed.
In flash of muted calculation, the Beta enforcer didn’t break his stance, he mirrored Bucky’s poised intimation, parallel and attuned to a blaze of hostile ignition. His ears pricked up, identifying the distressed baby squeaks emitting from the cave, the pups were defenseless–no den mother to shield them from a cold grip of death. His eyes sharply glanced at the opening of the burrow, challenging Bucky’s unshakeable guard with a fanged sneer as they circled each other in measured paw steps of distance, following the menacing rhythm of their combat interlude.
He knew Bucky’s weakness–the pups–he would use that to gain his kill. No limits would avail. They were faced in a deathlock–he needed to claim the pups’ blood, unleashing a vicious–snorting growl, he slashed his forepaw at Bucky’s exposed throat, with full momentum of his precision, and gunned for the den, in second Bucky recoiled back against the sting of blood.
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