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#and god i just hate being around them
spacedlexi · 1 month
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the way the ericson group were at the outbreak just a bunch of troubled kids who made various mistakes or committed crimes and were judged by a system that punished and abandoned them instead of giving them the support and love they needed, are then nearly a decade later put into a situation where now they must judge a troubled child for the mistakes and crimes hes committed against them. and 5 to 3 vote them out 😭
#twdg#i love the way s4 connects back to lees whole 'murderer' thing back in s1 😭 guilt...atonement.....systems of punishment#i love thinking about s1>s4 themes and crying#anyway this is partially why i hate when i see the ericson cast reduced down to 'just some teens' its so much more than that#them being abandoned in a boarding school for troubled kids is SO IMPORTANT its not 'just some school'#anyway its also probably why theyre my favorite cast#theyre literally one of if not the most mature group of the series even while being a bunch of kids who make choices i dont agree with#because they actually love and care about each other. even when theyre mad. because theyre all they have left#i do think the vote was a fair way to handle it even tho i still ultimately find it cruel. they couldve talked it out#but this is still a story that needs conflict to resolve so is what it is#they would rather they leave than have to face their confused feelings. the most immature thing they do. but understandable#they did such a good job crafting that cast for clem GOD an entire ensemble built around her and aj....delicious#zombie/post apoc media about love and community my beloved 😭#sorry but get tf out of here with that 'humans are evil and everyone dies' lame ass bullshit we are nothing without community#the amount of love pouring out of s4 is like getting my ass kicked but then they give me a big hug and kiss after and send me on my way#s4 my absolute beloved i really love it more and more every time. so much to appreciate even with it the way it is#the themes bro the themes........ the connections between seasons 1 and 4 you are everything to me#it speaks
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every now and then i remember the time a few years ago, when sdmi fandom first had its revival thanks to netflix, when a wildly popular sdmi blog run by an anti said the words 'perfectly good Black woman' in reference to why you should ship [man you could easily read as white, whose arc she was fridged for] with her instead of [hatesink character whose race is ambiguous due to being a furry, but has a BLISTERINGLY antiblack narrative under a thin layer of fantasy racism, with a fun side of homophobia and holocaust denial the latter of which is directly invoked in the post], which got hundreds of notes, and i grimace my face through the back of my head all over again lmao
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horsechestnut · 3 months
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Did I absolutely love Chalice of the Gods? Of course!
Will I be ignore some things that were mentioned in it in favor of headcanons I spent the last nine years developing? Also yes.
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ratcandy · 1 year
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Actually nevermind being secret about it no I'm just completely demolished over Sindri. And the Huldra brothers in general. I will literally never recover Might just be my tendency to get overly attached to tragic lil men but good lird!
Sindri lost Brok three times!!! Once when he first died, another when they split after their arguments, and then. After being finally reunited, for a good few years, despite Sindri still constantly carrying the weight on his shoulders about Brok's missing soul piece... Brok is killed, right in front of him!! By a guy he was harboring in his house for weeks!!!! And can't be brought back this time!!!!!!!! AND WORSE, Mimir revealing that. without that missing soul piece, Brok doesn't even get an afterlife now. He's just gone. I just keep thinking about that. Horrified. Does Sindri know? Does he know the full extent of what he did by bringing Brok back to life that first time? Did he know, when he initially saved him, that he could be denying Brok any afterlife at all???? Or even that when Sindri himself dies he won't get to reunite with his brother??????
And Sindri was never even given the chance to tell Brok himself about what he did! Brok had to find out on his own!! My man had everything taken from him!!
Augghhdg. And the line from Atreus after Sindri essentially tells him to fuck off after taking away his only family. the fucking. "I thought we were family too." After Atreus refers to him and Brok as his "sort of uncles" earlier in the game. Only to lose both of them in one fell swoop. I hate it here.
The only and I'm talking the ONLY sense of closure this man was allowed to have was dealing the final blow to Odin. And I was so happy for him when he did. While Kratos, Freya and Atreus are passing around the soul like "No, killing him won't make us whole again" and all that nice character growth shit, Sindri just shows up and is like "then I'll fucking do it myself" and I LOVE that for him. Good for you. Fuck yeah
But it also just. It just still hurts the whole time. With Sindri covered in his brother's blood. Not wearing gloves. Not even caring anymore. Disheveled and a mess. Knowing how he was before all this. And how he's been so fucking broken down. I hate it here. I hate it here. I want Sindri back. I want him back how he was before. He was my funny germaphobe uncle who cracked silly jokes and made cool armor/weaponry. I want him back. I want his wholesome relationship with Atreus back. I want Sindri back. I don't like broken, silent, wrathful Sindri. I hate it here.
At the funeral. When Mimir finishes Brok's riddle as Sindri disappears. "A hole." Gets bigger the more you take away from it. I just immediately lost it and started punching the air. It was a metaphor for Sindri himself the whole time as he gradually loses everything he ever had. I hate you. Why would you do that. Who gave you that right. Fuck you
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tired-fandom-ndn · 8 months
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I know that most aro people hate soulmate tropes but I actually enjoy them most of the time and when they're twisted around, I don't actually like standard platonic soulmates?
I like when the soul bond is strangling and toxic and unwanted, when soul bonds are divine ends to blood feuds and violent conflicts, when there's parts of the bond that the characters will always resent even when they love their partners, when there's social stigmas (even violent ones) around having a soulmate, when characters struggle to defy fate and destiny and whatever else to get rid of a soul bond however they can, etc.
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melto · 16 days
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my birthday week is like a fight for my fucking life.
#like i dont like my birthday bc i dont like attention and also bc the fact i am still alive when i never planned to be is so heavy#which makes it feel like all of a sudden i have a timer and i need to kiilllmyself#but mostly. The biggest issue is i think of my exbest friend bc it was our week always even if they treated me horrible#and i would just go along with whatever they wanted even if i hated it and i just think about them think about them think about them#and i dont want them in my life but i will talk myself into missing them#and feel guilty like its my fault like i deserved everything they did to me like i should never be allowed to move past it#and then i get so embarassed over how i let them rule my life and ruin so much for me and made me break away from people i care about#but then its like im so lonely at least they were always there even if they hated me#even if they wanted me to be so miserable even if they just wanted to know they would always have someone to push around#And i still have trouble when it comes to food im still scared of opening up to people im still scared of my friends of buying new clothes#somehow everything they said to and about me was true even though none of it is and it hurt me and ruined so much#but i must have deserved it. they were supposed to know me best. and i never have known myself#so everything they had said about me has been true for so long.#every time i have the thought that i miss them i think i need to crash my car#every year it gets better every week it is easier but its been so bad recently its been so bad i feel like pieces of me are falling apart#i dont want to manifest this year it being bad bc its just starting to get easier after my total depressive state but god#im looking at are they made for me years ago and i want to rip it apart but i cant every time i try i almost throw up.#i think im going to throw up right now.#deeply pathetic.#news with isaac
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rosenecklaces · 1 month
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That show getting canceled saved that blonde woman from so much shit that would had come in her way LMAO In a way I can enjoy to picture her Zionism being even more public bc of the show getting mainstream, but still, thank God it doesn't exist at all
The producers/whorever was the director of it really saw the Problematique approaching – with the weird and out of place sex scenes, Racists Rethorics, the badly represented LGBTQ+ characters, the Alpha Male energy she loves on men and projects in characters that would had NOT sit well considering how shit has been going for feminism this year, "female and male".... trans people/allies/actual feminists trashing her to pieces oh I can see the vision it's so good, the whole damn Pregnancy Plot, Racist Rethorics, extremely badly treated SA trauma, addictions demonized (nesta spiraling), and the whole racist-xenophobic connotations she gives with the Illyrians: Racists Rethorics to the max, and much much more.. – and said "mhmmm you know what... I don't think you want this to go mainstream right now lady" and they where RIGHT
They saved her ass from media trashing actually and now she lives another day...
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smol-blue-bird · 1 year
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Greek mythology retellings that I like:
We updated this myth for a modern setting while keeping most of the story and major elements of the mythology intact
We made a story loosely based on or inspired by an old Greek myth, and we’re upfront about that
Greek mythology retellings that I don’t mind:
This is an adaptation for laypeople who have little familiarity with the subject matter, so we simplified some things out of necessity
This is an adaptation for children, so we kept it age-appropriate and handled the sexual/gory material in a non-explicit way
This is a ten-minute YouTube video that can’t possibly explain every tiny detail about this extremely complex topic, so we’re gonna stick to the basics
Greek mythology retellings that I loathe with every fiber of my being:
This is the Secret True Version of the original myth that historians have been hiding out of malice, and if anyone tells you otherwise they’re a liar who’s shilling for Big Archeology
The original myth was Wrong and Problematic and you’re Bad if you enjoyed learning about it, but don’t worry, I rewrote it to make it Good
I hate history, I hate reading, I hate the classics, and I especially hate ancient Greece. I did zero research whatsoever for this project and I have no respect for the source material or the field in general, and I’m very proud of that
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lith-myathar · 5 months
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#really really hate how thoughtless and oblivious i can be to my own bad behavior#ill know something is important or that a shouldn't do a particular thing#but over time and assumptions and small acts of carelessnes shit just....fades and accumulates and one day#i look up and ive done something very stupid and hurt someone else#and i didn't feel it happening#my mind will take things and hide them from me is what it feels like. ill know they're there but it fades into the background noise#i am hard on the things in my life including people and relationships. and i am always so vulnerable to my own fuckin lmfao inattentivenes#this is why i struggle so much with the idea of ever having an intimate partner or children. it doesn't matter how much i care.#eventually and inevitably i do damage.#and i know consciously that people make mistakes and all you can do is try to course correct and make it right. but it's better#not to hurt anyone in the first place and i really don't know if i will ever be capable of that.#trying to convince myself this kind of shit is growing pains but man. man. i can't stop being what i am and it really#really feels sometimes like i am just destined to break and neglect#but then that ''im broken'' thing feels like trying to dodge around taking responsibility and improving. and i should be better than that.#but god how tf are you supposed to stop dissociating from the reality of what you're doing when you're. dissociated.#all i can ever think to do is isolate#*sigh* guys i think i might need to graduate to therapy with a trauma specialist#or adjust my medication. god. im so tired.#why is it so gd hard to be a normal decent person. it doesn't seem hard but then
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panicbones · 4 months
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but anyways getting a mean ex/former friend into a series ur super into and then they become rly popular in that space is a very special sort of torture
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I like doomed narratives but my ultimate Wizard101 NPC ending is the Young Wizard living in a nice secluded place with all their friends (all the necromancers, Ceren, Nolan, fuck you Boris you can live outside, Dasein, the Schismist Soldier, Mellori and the Bat) like a little village but they're all roommates and they do things like farming and brewing hot tea on Sundays free from Ambrose and the rest of the damned Spiral
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piplupod · 5 months
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showing SOOOO much restraint by not asking about "well what does somebody do for coping if they are in an inescapable abuse situation?" and also for not getting upset when the dbt teachers say that [REDACTED] inescapable situation is a bad example to use for the DBT skill actually because it's too dark and sends the wrong message. hi um. i am in an inescapable situation currently. i would like some coping skills for that. and also maybe do not fucking leave out the dark stuff just because "oh nobody here would be dealing with that" :))))
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shadows-chaos · 4 months
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...
#sad bitch hrs#🔪🔪🔪 me#god I am in a bad fucking place#I'm in a bad fucking mental dip#I'm constantly in between wanting to die and cry and peel my skin off#everyone's just making me feel angry or lonely or both. i feel like I'm so far removed from everything and everyone#i don't want to talk to anyone. i don't want anyone to breathe around me#i just want to be left alone. I want someone to feel safe enough for them to hold me#but rn it's no one and it's eating me alive#i don't want anyone to touch me. i want to fucking disappear#I hate my brain whispering the things it does. it's not pointing out anything that's Wrong but i know it's not right either#ik what it's saying about my relationships is harsh and just my very messed up perception that's being fuelled by the bad brain#but there's truth in the corners of it and that's making me pull away#i don't want anything from anyone. i don't want them to want me and i fucking don't want the temporary affection or attention#i hate it when others are checking on me#everyone fucking knows I'm bad so don't fucking ask because I want to reply with how broken and stressed I'm feeling. how much i want to die#don't fucking ask because it's all I'm thinking about#and you aren't helping with anything. I'm not angry at you or blaming but just don't talk to me#and I'm still fucking supposed to be there for everyone. I'm still supposed to fucking act normal and work#and try to balance everyone's burdens and I'm the only fucking consistency in some people's lives#the only one they feel safe enough with#I'm glad i can be that. but right now I don't want to be anything to anyone#I hate it. i want to just fucking have a breakdown and be left alone so i can regulate#i hate others talking about how much I'm needed or helpful or supportive or the best thing since sliced bread#i want to be as replaceable as I'm made to feel everywhere else it matters. my use is always tagged to this crutch i become for others#I'm so tired. god I'm so fucking tired#I'm being so patient and I'm trying to hold it together until some of this shit is dealt with and i get home#then I'm dipping#until i need to#i want to shred myself until my bones are exposed and left to turn to dust
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bandedbulbussnarfblat · 2 months
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i used to make my sunday school teacher so angry back when my mom forced me to go to church, bc i would question everything. and point out how this one part of the bible contradicts this other part of the bible. and the response i usually got was the rules in the new testament were the ones that counted. so i asked why we still had to follow the ten commandments. and they did not like that. and the thing was, i wasn't actively trying to be malicious or anything. i was a kid trying to understand why so many people worshiped this god, that to me seemed jealous and petty and cruel. bc i never actually believed in any of it. i pretended to, bc my mom did and the way church would talk about non-believers made me not feel like it was safe to admit that to her. american christianty is a cult. a very popular cult, but it's a fucking cult.
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epicdogymoment · 8 months
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once again rubbed the wrong way by friends who unintentionally reveal that they dont really engage with my masculinity in any real way and see me as nonbinary (female-lite)
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frecklydork · 7 months
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i can't sleep and i am crying and thinking of ken ;-; i love him so much i miss him so much. i have needed him so much. i miss starscream even more and i hate that the entire TF universe was taken from me and ruined. but. i. im so glad i have barbie and ken i need them so fucking bad.
im so glad i have six and sebastian and officer k, and hopefully as time goes on i'll have a few more f/os from watching more of ryan and margot's movies. im so glad i have these other universes to hop around in for a little bit. my brain seriously just wouldnt attach to anything at all and it was killing me. i want to hope i can go back to TF one day but in the meantime, im so relieved i have ken. i love him so so so so much. it feels so good to think of f/os again every moment. it feels so much better to listen to music again, watch things again, draw things again. i'm still torn into fucking pieces every time i see starscream or see something that reminds me of bee or arcee or literally whoever. im fucking destroyed. but at least now when i fall i know barbie and ken are always gonna catch me
#delete later#vent#i guess#i saw starlight on my dash and sobbed my eyes out earlier#i want to take out my brain and shake it out and get my abuser's actions out of my head#i hate that an entire. franchise. an entire fucking franchise. is a trigger. what the fuck#im still. im still baffled i know ibring it up so often but god i dont get it#normally when i get new f/os i think about them meeting my other main f/os#and i try to think of starscream or bee or whatever TF character meeting barbie/ken too#but then it makes me ache and i have to stop#i think... stsc would be relieved that im finding some relief in another universe#instead of just floating around in the coldness of space. not being in any universe at all#or sitting in our meadow and shielding myself from him as if he were a monster. he can't bear that#me backing away from him and looking at him the same way he looks at a certain warlord#as if he'd ever hurt me. but he knows i can't help it i can't control it#so he's grateful i have barbie/ken but he's also bitter because it isn't fair#neither of us saw this coming#this love wasn't supposed to be temporary#i want to hope it still isn't#otherwise what was the goddamn point#im only going to be able to afford therapy for my ptsd once a month now#when i used to go weekly. i dont know what im gonna do#im so scared it wont get better. barbie/ken i dont know how long this hyperfixation will last#when i watch all of ryan/margot's movies then what am i gonna do?#i want to keep the hyperfixation going until i can get back to TF but what if i can never get back to TF again?#i cant go back to feeling so lost again. i still feel that way but at least it's... not as strong#but i can't fucking live without self shipping and i don't want to go back to having Nothing
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