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#and found a post saying ‘I don’t hate pansexuals I just think they’re confused bisexuals using a biphobic label’
Hey just a heads up @/sealbf is a panphobe that I’ve been following without realizing. If you’re also following them and didn’t realize, then just do what I did and unfollow/block them, don’t try to engage. If you support their views you can kindly unfollow/block me and fuck off forever <3
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adler-obsessed · 3 years
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Hi! I'm new in the fandom and wanted to ask why everyone seems to be hating Derek Landy? Yes the books are pretty brutal and he's low-key sadistic with the characters, but aren't most book authors? I just finished book 6 and I'm really enjoying them so far. I'm just curious and don't wanna offend anyone.
oh boy buckle up - I just want to first of all say welcome to the fandom!!! Although it may seem a bit negative sometimes, it’s mainly because we love the series and characters so much!
There’s a lot of people who know more about + have details on Landy’s problematic statements/actions so guys/fandom if you could add that onto this post, I’d appreciate it.
A short summary:
problematic representation in books
the disaster of Phase 2
attacking fans (bonus: his gf attacking fans)
problematic relationships with young fans
But I’ve been meaning to do an analysis of why Landy’s representation of queer people and the LGBTQ+ Community has been problematic for a while and I have examples so buckle up everyone:
So, as a brief introduction, there’s several reasons why people aren’t the biggest fan of Landy - one you won’t be aware of for awhile is Phase 2, which starts after Book 9
Phase 2, I think I can say confidently, has not been as well received as Phase 1. Lots of the characters we liked in Phase 1 don’t appear or have lost all their character development from Phase 1. There are so many side plots that are very confusing and most people aren’t particularly interested in them so large parts of each book are quite boring for most of the fandom.
But onto my main argument (edit: in a reblog below, Faceless has linked many of the examples I discuss if you are interested)
Landy has had quite a bumpy ride when it comes to representation: in the Demon Road series (outside of SP) there was a very problematic portrayal of a wlw relationship. He claimed that everyone is eventually bisexual, and then there is a wider issue of representation in the actual Skulduggery books.
Firstly, those characters that are in the LGBTQ+ community tend to have that aspect of their life continuously pointed out/or mentioned (like Landy is trying to show how ‘diverse’ he is) but then have very little character development/or mention of anything other than that.
There is a supposedly major wlw ship in Phase 2, but it is so underdeveloped it feels more like a main character and her cheerleader. In the last book we finally got some development only for them to then break up (although I somewhat liked the realistic reasons behind it, it did disappoint me)
Linking from this, there is a general difference in how Landy treats non-canon queer ships versus straight ones
When asked about the possibility of a non-canon straight ship, he said he didn’t like to dismiss the fan’s ships. In comparison when a fan asked about mlm ship, he immediately said no to it (keep in mind there was no dubious relationship between these two in the books, they are super close so it made no sense for him to completely refuse it)
Landy also likes to point out his queer characters like China and Tanith, who are both canonly bisexual/pansexual (he confirmed to a fan that China and Eliza were a thing) and yet, whenever the two are romantically involved with someone, it’s a man.
Now, before I get people attacking me saying they are still bisexual even though they’re in straight passing relationships, I AM bisexual, I hate it when people invalidate my sexuality just because I am in a relationship w a guy or girl.
But eVERYTIME, these two end up with a guy, and the only time Landy has confirmed they aren’t straight are either in blink and you’ll miss it moments or outside of the books (sort of like Rowling claiming characters were gay on Twitter, and yet these characters were never seen expressing these identities in the books or in later media)
So why is this representation problematic? Because writers like Landy seem to think they’ve actually done a good job - stating once that a character identifies/or has a certain sexual orientation, and then never elaborating on it again, as if that somehow wins him brownie points.
I’m not going to talk to much about Never - for context this is a gender fluid character in Phase Two - because I myself am not gender fluid, so I would not want to speak for that side of the community incorrectly. In my personal opinion, having several genderfluid friends, Never’s characterisation is bloody weird.
For context, in the books, Landy changes the pronouns that Never uses and others use to address him/her practically every sentence. At times it feels less like a portrayal of a genderfluid character, and more like a mockery (one of my aforementioned genderfluid friends stopped reading the series at this point because they found it too close to the mocking insults their grandparents would use e.g. changing pronouns every sentence as if making out that their gender identity was some absurd thing)
Again, rest of the fandom feel free to interject in here, there are definitely people more qualified to speak on this than me.
I also want to talk a little bit about the problematic way Derek handles female members of the LGBTQ+ community in comparison to the male ones. I’ve mentioned above a bit of the problems with China/Tanith but I want to go a bit further into the issue with the male ones: namely, there are barely any.
While the three main female characters are all canonly bisexual, none of the major male ones are (if I’m wrong, please correct me!) and the only one who could possibly be considered major is Anton Shudder and his boyfriend who are confirmed to have been in a relationship, oh wait, when they are both dead. Apart from that, there is not one major male member of the LGBTQ+ community in these books that Landy claims are so diverse.
I think it is also slightly worrying that so many of Landy’s female characters are bisexual, characters who Landy also constantly describes as pretty/gorgeous/attractive etc. because it just feels like that typical thing of men fetishising wlw women (particularly bisexual women) hence why I also think the fact that two of these women never have a relationship with another wlw in the actual books is very problematic, as these sexual orientations feel more for show than actual canon most of the time.
There is a very big problem with the way Landy goes about queer representation in his books, and the worse part? He thinks he’s doing great.
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sparklebitch · 5 years
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Dan and Phil’s Impact
Okay this is going to be long and rambling because I’m trying to type it on my phone in the car and my thoughts are all over the freaking place and I don’t blame you if you don’t want to read the whole thing I’ll put a tldr at the end lmao.
So first of all I’ve been watching Dan and Phil since like? 2014~ And for a while there wasn’t a minute that went by where I didn’t think about them. Their videos got me through so much shit in my life. Even dumb video game videos were like my reprieve from real life. And yeah a lot of stuff was super cringy and I was definitely borderline one of those creepy people that wanted to know everything about their lives (obvs not anymore lol) but that aside they were such good freaking influences on me? I looked up to them so much and, sure, I have a lot of role-model-worthy people in my life, but no one like them.
Everyone around me is so aggressively religious (although a lot of them are totally cool about it and not bad peoples !! But the rest of them are total dicks) and I felt like I couldn’t... question myself I guess? About literally anything. I felt like I couldn’t question religion, sexuality, the things I liked, what I wanted to do, who I wanted to be. It was like everyone’s lives revolved around church stuff and people were basically born knowing what they were going to do? And there I was, an awkward, sexually confused, homeschooler who had 2 friends that she wasn’t even that close to. I felt like I was the only one in the world like this. Everyone seemed to have a place in the world, except me. I often thought that maybe it was a mistake that I was in this world, that there was some cosmic screw up and that I was never meant to be born. I felt incomplete and it was so confusing and horrible. I was sure that that feeling was never going to go away. I had no one to talk to, no one to explain to me that it was okay to screw up. It wasn’t the end of the world to question things or yourself, everything was going to be okay. All I wanted in my life was for someone to tell me that.
Then I found Dan and Phil. And yeah, they’re two British boys on the internet that will never know who I am. But that’s okay. They don’t need to know me to have an impact on my life. I mean, who’s ever been impacted by a song? A movie, a book, an actor, an artist? The human race is always searching for someone or something to look up to. Religion, famous people, a father figure, a friend. Someone. And that’s what they were to me.
People didn’t understand what it was that I liked about them. And, if I’m being 100% honest, I guess I didn’t really know either. Sure, they’re funny, and the chemistry between the two is very compelling but there was just something about them that spoke to me. I loved them. More than I had loved anything in my life. I looked up to them, and listened to the things they said, listened to the things they believed it. Through them I discovered so many of the things that I love in my life. I started writing and drawing because of them! It’s crazy to think that I am the person that I am today because of them. I can’t imagine what I would be like if I hadn’t watched their videos.
There’s a lot of uncertainty in my life right now as I’m finishing up getting my General Associates and I’m in the process of starting a daycare with my older sister. It’s a lot for me to process because for the longest time all I wanted to do was get away from here. I wanted to go somewhere and be someone new. And it wasn’t until recently that I realized that’s not what I actually wanted. I love my family and my friends, I love living here (aside from the bigots but they’re everywhere so there’s no escaping them). What I really, truly wanted was to be myself. It wasn’t my family and this town that I wanted to get away from, it was the me that I was pretending to be. I just wanted to be myself, that was all. I didn’t care if it was in a big town with new people, i just wanted people to know me. I wish I knew this back then, then maybe I wouldn’t have gone into a tailspin when I was getting ready for college but hindsight I guess ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
When I finished high school it was like I was paralyzed. I didn’t know how to make decisions for myself or do anything on my own. All I knew was that I was not straight, seemingly surrounded by homophobes, and I was very very tired. So, toward the end of summer my mom pushed me enrolled me at a community college near home (which I am grateful for lol) and then I was going to transfer to a university after 2 years. Things started to feel better after that. Around that time I also started taking medication for depression and anxiety and it has only completely changed my life. No longer am I the super quiet painfully awkward person who’s so afraid to say something wrong that she instead stays silent, not telling anyone about my interests or passions in fear that I would be ridiculed, hiding core parts of me while the whole world passes by. I was talking and making jokes, I wasn’t constantly terrified to talk to people or to even simply leave my house to go places. Things were better. I was happier!
But as the time for me to transfer to a university drew near that paralyzing feeling crept back into my skin. I hated my classes. I hated college. I was suddenly plunged back into the world of endlessly scrolling through social media and watching the same shows on tv over and over, isolating myself from everyone and everything trying to ignore the world around me. I felt like everything was hopeless again. I was only occasionally watching dan and Phil videos at this time, having very reluctantly grown away from them (it was a sad day when I realized that I didn’t care if I skipped a video or two. I literally cried that day). But I was bored then, so I started watching their videos again. This was around the time that dan posted his video on depression (that’s a while other long ass post I could make but probably won’t because I’m already tired of typing) and i damn near called my mom (even though she was just downstairs) on the spot to tell her what I was feeling. Hearing that there was someone else out there that felt like I was was enough. But not only that, he explained that recovery is not a straight road. There are twists and turns, there are setbacks. It’s not like I was going to get better and everything was going to magically be awesome all the time. Some stuff was going to suck. I was going to go through shitty times and that was okay.
Because of him, I ended up going back to the doctor and explaining that my meds weren’t working anymore, and I got it taken care of. I feel so much fucking better now than I did before, and I know that it’s okay if I don’t always feel this way. I told my parents that I didn’t want to go to a university and they were okay with it, provided that I finished my 2 year degree at the community college. And while some things still suck, and I’m still worried about my future and whether or not I’m going to meet someone and fall in love, things are absolutely positively 1000% better than they have ever been. And a lot of it is thanks to them. Obviously it was me who actually took the steps I needed to to get here, but it was because of their being my role model that I had the courage to get where I am today.
Dan and Phil have such a unique platform and following. They could say jump and so many people would (metaphorically ofc) jump off the cliff, me included. But they don’t do that. They use their fame to positively impact people. They use their platform to encourage people and talk about important things in life. They share things about their lives in the hopes that it will help even 1 person out there... and I’m not the only one who they’ve positively impacted. The number of people that owe everything to them is crazy.
Okay so now I’m going to go a little bit into labels. (Not too much tho I’m seriously tired of typing lol). Dan talked about them a lot in his video. An entire freaking chapter of it was dedicated to labels. When I was younger I knew that I liked girls. I liked boys too though, so I just shrugged it off as Really wanting to be friends with girls. I didn’t know what the word gay meant until I was like 12 because I was a very sheltered child. My parents never talked about it and the only time I ever remember hearing the word before then was when one of my siblings called another sibling “gay” at the dinner table. The only thing I knew about the word was that my parents Did Not Like it. While I eventually stumbled onto the internet and learned a Lot of things, and a lot about labels, I became overwhelmed. There were so many words with so many meanings, and lot of times people didn’t agree on what the literal definition was. (Like bisexual meaning Only men+women vs. just like.. more than just 2+ genders) So for a long time I identified as pansexual because.. I didn’t know what to do. And based on my experiences on the internet, being bi was basically saying that you were excluding people. Idk it was fucked. The label ‘pan’ didn’t really feel like it fit me either, but it worked for the time being.
Dan’s comments on labels really got me thinking. I don’t think I’m a lesbian, but I don’t really know about bisexual either. When he said that he loved to use the word queer it just.. fucking hit me in the chest like a ton of bricks. I literally couldn’t breath. And it’s not like I’ve never heard people use the word queer. Tons of people identify as queer. But it was just something about the way he explained it? And maybe it was just the fact that it was him explaining it because, as I said before, I look up to him. He has a huge impact on my life. Saying queer gives me comfort. It feels less... restrictive I guess, for a lack of better words. I don’t know if this will be /the/ label for me, but that’s not the point. There doesn’t have to be a label for me. I, no one, should have to be pressured into finding a label so that other people have something to call you?? Fuck labels. Fuck people who pressure you into picking one. You be you.
So, in conclusion (honestly I feel like this has all been so incoherent I apologize) I don’t want to hide forever. I don’t. I hope that some day I can have even a fraction of the courage that Dan has to tell the people that I care about who I truly am. And the first step is telling someone.
So, to everyone who sees it here, most of which probably know or don’t care,
I’m bisexual, bitch. And I use the word queer.
It took so much fucking courage for dan to post that video and I have crazy amounts of respect for that man. I’ve said it a thousand times already, but I’m going to say it again. I’m so. Fucking. Proud of him. And I know he’s probably going to get thousands of stories like this one (if he hasn’t gotten that many already) but I’m going to tag him anyway. @danielhowell , you’ve changed my life. You’ve changed millions of people’s of lives for the better. Thank you. Thank you for everything you’ve done.
Tldr; dnp mean everything to me, even though I’ve grown away from them, they have been and always be a big part of who I am and i am so fucking proud of Dan.
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authorpocketcow · 5 years
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Pooh Characters as Queer Environmentalists
No seriously.  I had a very vivid dream involving all the Winnie The Pooh characters as a group of enthusiastic (and queer) environmentalists who meet once a week to talk about environment things because they’re nerds.
Starring Christopher Robin, Pooh, Tigger, Rabbit, Kanga, Roo, Gopher, Eeyore, and Piglet.
·       Christopher Robin
o   33 years old
o   Head/leader/founder of the Environmentalist Group
o   Really interested in saving the whales
o   Chill dude, but kind of an airhead
o   Everyone thinks he’s some kinda office worker
o   One day someone accidentally found out that he’s the CEO of some green-planet organization and runs this group for fun to see what kinds of ideas he can get and to see what people think of environmentalist efforts
o   He always credits people for their ideas, but people assumed that he just worked for the company, not that he ran the damned thing
o   A pansexual icon
o   Has been to every single pride event that their city has ever had
o   Rumour has it he started the pride events
o   Wilder rumour has it he threw the first stone at the Stonewall Riots
o   Even wilder rumour has it that he’s an immortal vampire who survives on the blood of homophobes
o   He won’t deny any of these rumours but has yet to confirm it
o   Has a genderqueer partner that literally nobody has met
o   Seriously, not even Pooh
·       Pooh
o   29 years old
o   Really wants to save the bees
o   Like, REALLY wants to save the bees
o   Vegetarian, but because he doesn’t like meat
o   Massive sweet tooth; dentists hate him!
o   Ace/Aro
o   Loves children, wants to adopt his own someday
o   Babysits Roo all the time
o   Kanga and him are best friends
o   He brings little sweets for Roo every meeting
o   Perhaps a little bit of a pothead but he’s not addicted
o   He just smokes a joint once in a while to chill out
o   A stereotypical “make love not war” hippie
o   Nice to everyone all the time
o   Cries when someone is mean to him
o   Gets uncomfortable when people hit on him
o   Christopher’s little brother
o   A visual artist; uses lots of colours and sells his art at galleries and markets
·       Tigger
o   27 years old
o   ADHD
o   Like SUPER ADHD
o   Gay
o   Hit on Pooh once but when Pooh got uncomfy he backed off
o   Thought maybe Pooh was uncomfortable with gays and was confused and sad
o   When he found out Pooh was Ace/Aro he totally understood
o   They’re good friends now
o   Really wants to save rainforests and trees
o   A freelance writer; his books are elementary school Magic Treehouse shit
o   Very much into fantasy shit, his non-children’s series’ lore is always the deepest mindfuck ever, how the hell did he even come up with that
o   Bestselling author tho
o   Kinda famous tbh but he doesn’t like media attention
o   He just thinks everybody should have fun all the time
o   Does he vape? Probably.  Has anyone ever actually seen him do it?  No.
o   Does he sleep? Probably.  Has anyone ever actually seen him do it?  Once.
o   Kanga caught him powernapping when she came into one of the first meetings really early, but all she did was put a blanket on him and leave to go to the convenience store or something to stay out for a bit longer so he could rest
o   He didn’t know who it was until a bit later he figures it was her since she’s always knitting and it was a very pretty knitted thing
o   That’s his momma figure now
·       Rabbit
o   25 years old
o   Vegan and very in-your-face about it
o   “Bugs are important to the ecosystem but boy do I hate them in my garden”
o   Scifi enthusiast
o   Post-apocalyptic things slightly terrify him because he believes that’s how the world is gonna go
o   A bit of a conspiracy theorist
o   Genuinely believes the government is vaguely spying on everybody
o   Did Bush do 9/11?  Who knows… but the moon landing was real, and the earth is round, don’t be dumb
o   Just identifies as queer, doesn’t like labels
o   A very organized person but when he’s very upset perfectionism scares him bc he thinks he’s not ever gonna be good enough and will mess things up on purpose
o   Has a long-distance boyfriend
o   A farmer
·       Kanga
o   38 years old
o   Divorced trans woman
o   Has a 5 year old son that she fostered as a baby and adopted when he was 4
o   Recycles aggressively
o   Calls everyone “dear”
o   Uses reusable bags and plastic containers all the time
o   Knits a lot, everybody always gets scarves or mitts or hats for Christmas
o   Usually in the design of ‘planet earth’, but also makes pride flag designs and takes requests for fave colour schemes
o   Vegetarian but not aggressive ab it like Rabbit is
o   You know what she is a bit aggressive about? Recycling
o   If you throw something that’s recyclable in the garbage in front of her...
o   Lord help you
o   Last man who did that was never seen again
o   Okay that’s a lie, he was seen two weeks later
o   But he was advocating for a save the whales organization on the side of the road and wearing all thrift store clothing
o   She traumatized him into throwing himself into the environmentalist pit headfirst
o   Thinks Gopher is just a big softie; is the only one who is super nice to him all the time (besides her son, and Pooh who is nice to literally everyone)
o   Kinda has a thing for the grumpy man but won’t admit it
o   She’s like an accountant or something, nobody knows what she does for a living but she seems to be well-off
·       Roo
o   The adopted 5 year old son
o   A little bit spoiled, but not just by Kanga, by everyone in the group
o   Loves sitting in on the meetings
o   His first sentence at 15 months was “recycle that!”
o   Loves blue because of recycle bins
o   Literally wears nothing but blue
o   Will accept things that are less than 100% blue as long as its more than 50% blue
o   Also likes things with pink on them
o   Thinks Tigger is the coolest person ever
o   Doesn’t understand all of Tigger’s books but reads them anyway
o   Except the non-children’s ones of course
o   Reads everything he can get his hands on
o   Don’t let him get his hands on anything inappropriate for a 5 year old
o   Asks a lot of questions
o   Everyone adores him
o   His mama is his favourite person on the planet but also Mr Tigger is so cool
o   He likes Mr Gopher too, he thinks Mr Gopher is great because of “how happy Mama is when he’s around”
·       Eeyore
o   23 years old
o   Has depression
o   Trans boy
o   Just really wants friends
o   Wants to help the planet
o   Is a massive pessimist that thinks the world is doomed
o   Very smart boy
o   Talks about CO2 emissions and carbon taxes
o   A university student studying some kinda chemical engineering
o   Very quiet
o   Bit of a crush on piglet tbh
o   Has a big love for superheroes without powers because he loves the idea of things being solvable through hard work mixed with passion and technology
o   Except he doesn’t believe it because his depression makes him super pessimistic
o   Also a big tech nerd
·       Gopher
o   45 years old
o   Landlord of their meeting place
o   Grumpy ass old man
o   Sometimes people are grumpy right back to him and he’s ok with that
o   Actually a soft spot for these weird hippies and joins them sometimes but says its because he wants to make sure they’re not damaging the place (they know that’s a big fat lie but won’t say anything)
o   Will fight anyone who mocks them
o   Has actually fought someone who mocked them
o   Has not told them about said fight
o   Especially adores Roo
o   Thinks Kanga is a bit of an odd woman but also thinks she’s very pretty
o   Repressed bisexual
o   He thinks nobody knows he’s bi but eventually when he kinda mentions it he realizes everyone knows
o   Specifically, Piglet and Kanga are super supportive
o   He definitely actually has a crush on Kanga, who knitted him a bisexual flag scarf once
o   He wears it all the time but will vehemently deny that it’s the same scarf when called on it
o   Big brawny weirdo
o   Was a football player in college and can definitely bench-press everyone
o   Works construction now, which is why he’s still in good shape
o   Actually a brilliant man, can architect and calculate like nobody’s business
o   Will help Piglet with his mathematics homework in exchange for Piglet teaching him more things about the LGBT+ community
o   After a while he realizes that perhaps genderfluid fits him well but Piglet is sworn to secrecy
o   Has a daughter who is institutionalized for her mental health issues that grew beyond his care
o   Piglet reminds him of his daughter and he’s very protective
o   That’s why he legit fought that asshole who mocked the “little F****t hippies”
o   He was almost arrested for assault on that one actually
o   The cop was a buddy of his and 100% believed the “defense of those who can’t defend themselves” explanation that Gopher had
o   Got off with a warning and fined for “disturbing the peace” or some mundane BS
·       Piglet
o   21 years old
o   Gay and demiboy
o   Anxiety disorders through the roof
o   OCD
o   Recycling is a compulsion
o   Reducing energy consumption too
o   He checks his lights all the time
o   He walks or bikes everywhere
o   He says it’s to reduce CO2 emissions
o   He’s just scared of vehicles
o   Has some kinda PTSD but nobody knows the source
o   He got into a massive car accident when he was little
o   Because his father was angry and speeding
o   His mother died in the accident
o   But nobody knows this!  Someday he will tell them tho
o   Today is not that day
o   Tomorrow is not that day either
o   But someday
o   Crush on Eeyore
o   Also a university student
o   Studying mathematics because it makes sense to him
o   Gopher reminds him of his grumpy old gay uncle who died when he was in high school
o   Feels like he can actually not double-check or cross-reference anything that Gopher teaches him because he trusts him a lot
o   Still will sometimes check everything if he’s having a bad day
o   Gopher doesn’t mind, he understands that Piglet has a lot of anxiety issues
o   Has an exception in his uni file to be able to take twice as long on his exams and tests and get an extra few days for assignments because he checks every single answer 3 times
o   His OCD number is 3, everything is 3, he turns his lights on and off 3 times, etc
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arrow-guy · 7 years
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All Was Well (1/??)
Summary: Harry and Draco struggle with life after the war. Together, things my not be easier, but they sure are more interesting.
A/N: Okay, I lied, it’s going up today. I didn’t realize that I would be able to get done with all my schoolwork as quickly as I did, so I figured I would reward myself and you guys with an early post. I’m kind of worried that they’re ooc, but if I don’t post it now, I know I never will lmao. I really hope I did the pair justice and I sincerely hope you enjoy this first part!
Pairing: Drarry
Word Count: 3014
Warnings: Angst, nightmares, slight panic
Harry thought that, after the war, everything would go back to normal. He would be able to go back to the perfect life he had envisioned with his friends, his girlfriend and his adopted family. He would be able to become an Auror and everything would be fine.
The problem with his plan was that he didn’t plan for the fallout of the war.
He didn’t expect the sheer number of people who would swarm him any time he went out. Not the people touching him or grabbing it his hair, clothes and glasses just for the chance to touch the saviour or, even better, manage to tear off a piece of his clothing.
He wasn’t counting on the number of meetings he would called on to attend or hearings and trials he would be asked to testify at. He never imagined the sheer number of people he would see put away for war crimes. He watched as Death Eaters and snatchers alike were sentenced to Azkaban with varying times to be served.
When the time came, he testified at the Malfoy’s Hearings. It was about a week after the final battle that the owl arrived inviting him to attend the trial and, if possible, testify.
Thanks to his testimony, Draco and Narcissa Malfoy were pardoned with only mild probationary punishments set in place. Unfortunately, Lucius Malfoy was not so lucky.
Due to his place in Voldemort’s inner circle, regardless of turning his back in the end, he was sentenced to Azkaban for thirty five years.
Harry felt horrible when the verdict was reached, but felt a sense of satisfaction knowing that Draco and his mother were free. After the trial, Draco and Narcissa had approached him and thanked him quietly. Draco had refused to meet his eyes and Narcissa stood close to her son, her hand on his arm. Harry had nodded stiffly to them and watched them walk away to speak to Lucius before he was taken to Azkaban.
Most of all, he wasn’t expecting the sadness, depression and anxiety that would follow the war.
A week after everything ended, Hermione and Ron went off to Australia in search of Hermione’s parents to attempt to restore their memories and bring them back to England. In that time Harry and Ginny tried to bring their relationship back to the level it was at when they were in school the year before. No matter what they tried, they couldn’t seem to bring back the spark. They broke up, knowing that it was what was best for the both of them. Even after their split, they spent long nights together in Grimmauld Place, laying on the floor and talking.
One night, a little under a month after the final battle, the two of them had stayed up well into the night and come to a rather startling conclusion.
“Harry?”
“Hmm?”
“I think I’m gay.”
“Yeah?”
“Mhmm.” Ginny nodded.
The pair was quiet for a while. Harry's brow furrowed as he thought about what Ginny had said. He'd never really given any thought to his sexuality. He'd not really ever had the time. Everyone had always expected him to marry the perfect girl and have a handful of children. Until then it hasn't occurred to him that their sexualities were the reason their relationship had collapsed.
“I think I might be too.” Harry said, his face scrunching up in mild confusion. “But not one hundred percent, if that makes any sense at all.”
“Of course it does.” Ginny snorted. “You could be bisexual, pansexual, polysexual. The options are practically endless.”
“That sounds much too complicated.”
“Sexuality isn’t a static thing, Harry. It’s fluid. It’s a spectrum.” Ginny tried her best to explain. “Sexuality is different for everyone.”
Harry just nodded and they fell into silence for a moment before moving on to talk about something completely different.
Even after his talk with Ginny about his sexuality, he still struggled greatly with most things surrounding the war.
He hated the funerals. He hated that everyone was dead. He hated that it was all his fault. That he couldn’t do the one thing he was born to do and save them. Most times he showed up to pay his respects before apparating home and curling up in bed and trying to forget those who had passed on.
Ron and Hermione didn’t seem to understand why he had such a hard time dealing with the aftermath of the war. They constantly tried to get him to join them at the Burrow or go out to eat at some muggle restaurant. He always turned down their offers saying he was sick or that there were errands he had to run. He knew his excuses were shit, but he couldn’t bring himself to be around the two of them when he knew that they would just bombard him with questions he didn’t have the answers to.
The only thing that gave him a sense of peace was being with his godson, Teddy.
When Andromeda told him that he could visit whenever he wanted, he spent as much time with her and his godson as he possibly could. Being around someone so small and pure and innocent gave him a sense of hope that he didn’t know he could ever feel again.
The small boy never failed to make Harry smile. Hearing the little gurgles and constant nonsensical babbling from the child made him feel better and he was glad that he could have Teddy in his life.
The first time Draco had showed up to his aunt’s house he wasn’t expecting to be met by the savior of the wizarding world in her living room. Both of the young men froze upon seeing each other, neither of them completely sure of what they were supposed to do in that situation.
Harry had nearly forgotten that Teddy was Draco’s cousin. It hadn’t even crossed his mind that the blond would want to visit Andromeda and Teddy. It had taken him a full three minutes to rake his gaze over the man in front of him, observe that he was, in fact, rather fit, and decide that the best course of action was to attempt to be civil with him.
Harry had hoisted himself up off of Teddy’s playmat and sauntered over to the slightly taller blond and extended his hand to him. Draco had eyed him warily, unsure of what Harry was attempting.
“What do you want, Potter?” He’d asked. There was no venom in his words, he was simply trying to understand the situation.
“It occurred to me that we got off on the wrong foot seven years ago. After what we've been through, I’d hate for something as stupid as a school rivalry to get in the way of us being civil now. So,” Harry looked pointedly from Draco to his hand and then back again. “What do you say, Draco?”
Draco's eyes had widened at hearing Harry say his first name so casually. He was a bit taken aback for a moment, having to process what was going on. If what he thought was happening was actually happening, Harry Potter was offering him his friendship, the one thing his eleven year old self had wanted most.
“Are you joking?”
Harry tilted his head to the side, sliding his hands into his pockets. “If I were joking, don’t you think I’d do it in a place that’s a little more public than your own aunt’s house?”
Draco’s brow furrowed. “I suppose you might.” He squinted at the raven haired boy in front of him. “But why would you want to be friends with me?”
Harry shrugged.  “Why not? The world’s crazy enough as is, why not give everyone a little shock?”
Draco snorted in amusement, a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. “You sure you’re ready for this?” He asked. “Our friendship would be a commitment.”
Harry laughed and smiled genuinely for the first time in months, and at Draco Malfoy no less. “I think I can handle that challenge.”
Draco shook his head before extending his hand to Harry. “Alright, Potter. Just remember that you brought this on yourself.”
Harry grinned and shook the blond’s hand. “Don’t worry, I definitely will.” He nodded his head towards Teddy who was gurgling away on his playmat. “You want to help me with your cousin?”
“I think I can manage that.” Draco said with a smirk.
Harry and Draco spent more time together when they were both at Andromeda’s house. The two of them found that it really wasn’t all that hard for them to get along. They both enjoyed spending time with Teddy and they found that they had more in common than previously thought.
What Harry didn't expect from his newfound friendship with the youngest Malfoy came one rather rainy night in the middle of July.
Harry had been staring into the out of season fire in the fireplace, getting lost in the flicker of the flames, when a loud pounding sounded at the door.
Not wanting to trouble Kreacher, Harry hoisted himself up off the floor and all but stumbled over to the door, feeling not entirely returned to his legs after having been sitting on the floor for so long. Upon opening the door, Harry was met with a sopping wet Draco Malfoy, his gray eyes staring blankly at Harry's chest.
“Draco?” Harry said. Confusion had colored his tone. He hadn’t even known Draco knew where he lived.
“I’m sorry.” Draco said weakly, his eyes slowly moving to meet Harry’s.
“What?”
“I said-”
“No, I heard what you said, Draco,” Harry said, ushering Draco through the door and into his sitting room. “I just don’t know what you have to be sorry for.”
Draco’s eyes widened. “How could you not?” He hissed.
“Draco-”
“No, Harry! I was a complete prick when we were in school and you’ve just put all that aside like I didn’t side with the Dark Lord during the war! Like I didn’t try to crucio you sixth year!” His voice rose in volume as he talked. “I tormented you and your friends and treated you like shite! I’m supposed to be your enemy, Harry. Not your fucking friend!”
“You’re forgetting the part where I nearly killed you, Draco.” Harry said calmly.
“No, you don’t understand,” Draco starts pacing, his soaked clothes dripping onto the hardwood flooring. “I-I’ve done things. Terrible things, and I don’t deserve forgiveness. I don’t deserve your kindness or your friendship! I don’t understand how you could just let everything go! Why would you ever want to give me a second chance?!”
“Draco, stop!” Harry says sternly, placing his hands on either side of Draco’s face, effectively putting a stop to his pacing. “Just stop, please.”
Draco's breath hitched as grey eyes met green. With a moment's pause, he fisted Harry’s shirt in his hands and pulled him forward, pressing his lips to Harry’s in a kiss.
Seeming to come to his senses, Draco shoved Harry away from him, suddenly pulling his hands into his chest and closing himself off almost immediately.
“I'm sorry,” He whispered. “I'm sorry. So, so sorry.” His brow furrowed and he turned towards the door and began to walk towards it, attempting to leave a shocked Harry behind. He didn't get far before Harry placed a hand on his shoulder and gently spun him around. “Harry…”
Harry rested both of hands on Draco's shoulders, squeezing gently, trying to reassure the boy in front of him that everything was alright. “Do you realize what time it is?” Draco tilted his head to the side, confused. “It's the middle of the night and you're soaked to the bone. You're staying here tonight.”
“Are you sure?” Draco asked, his eyes impossibly wide.
“Of course.” Harry answered with a resolute nod. “You go get showered and I'll get you some pyjamas. We can talk after.”
“Alright.” Draco said, nodding dumbly, turning towards the staircase and following Harry up to the bathroom.
While Draco showerd, Harry gathered up towels and a set of pyjamas that he thought might fit Draco. He’s a little taller than Harry and he worried that all of his pyjama bottoms would be too short. He ended up shrugging and quietly opening the bathroom door, placing the clothes and towels on the counter and closing the door again before walking away and sitting on the stairs to wait for Draco to finish up.
Harry was starting to doze off when Draco quietly and tentatively padded out into the hallway. He sat down next to Harry, unsure of what to do, not wanting to upset him more than he had by kissing him.
“I know what you're thinking, Draco.” Harry said, his voice gentle.
“How could you possibly know that I'm thinking, Potter?” Draco almost hissed his words, but he couldn't find the strength to do so.
“Because I've known you for the better part of seven years and spent a number of them trying to figure you out.” Harry said simply. “I know you think you upset me by kissing me-”
“Didn't I though?” Draco asked, cutting Harry off. Harry sat up, opening his eyes so he could look at Draco.
“If anything, you surprised me.”
“You're not angry?”
“No, why would I be?”
“Well, for starters, you're not gay and you're dating the Weasley girl aren't you?” Draco asked, his cheeks tinged pink.
Harry shook his head, a small smile stretching his mouth. “We actually broke up.”
“What? Why?” Draco inquired, his eyes impossibly wide.
“Because she's gay and I'm bisexual.” Harry answered. “Well, not explicitly because of that. Right after the war, everything had us feeling off kilter and we didn't feel like we went well together any longer so, we ended things between us. Realizing that we weren't straight came a couple weeks after the fact.”
“You mean-”
“Not straight, single and definitely not upset with you.” Harry nodded and picked himself up from the from his seat on the stairs, offering Draco a hand in turn. “Let's get you to bed though. We can talk more about this in the morning.”
“Alright,” Draco took his hand and allowed himself to be led up the stairs to a spare bedroom.
“If you need anything during the night, my room is just at the end of the hallway.” Harry said before turning round, ready to head off to bed himself.
“Harry?”
“Yeah?” He turned back to look at a vulnerable looking Draco.
“Would you…” He looked at the floor, chewing at his bottom lip, a blush coloring his cheeks. He takes a deep breath before looking at Harry again. “Would you stay with me?”
“I-” Harry started to answer but cut himself off, knowing that he definitely wants to stay. “Of course I will.”
“Thank you.” Draco whispered, his expression sincere.
Harry followed after Draco as he walked over to the bed and slid under the covers. Harry turned out the lights before joining him in the bed and cozying into the bedding, trying to find a comfortable position. After about fifteen minutes Draco's soft snores filled the room and the sound lulled Harry into a shallow sleep.
--
A scream rips through the air, pulling Harry from his nearly fitful sleep. When he remembers where he was he realizes that the scream must have come from Draco.
The thin boy thrashes next to him on the bed as if he were trying to escape something or, rather, someone.
“Draco,” Harry reaches out to him, gently resting his hand on Draco’s right arm. It doesn't elicit any sort of response so Harry tries again, this time a little louder and shaking Draco’s shoulder. “Draco!”
Draco wakes with a start, his chest heaving with his effort to breathe and his eyes darting about frantically. “Harry?” He calls out to the dark room, his voice hoarse.
“I'm right here,” Harry answers, reaching out and taking Draco’s hand in his. With his free hand he turns on the lamp on the bedside table. “See? I didn't go anywhere.”
“You… I… Harry, I-” He chokes on a sob and covers his mouth with his hand, tears spilling over and falling down his cheeks.
Harry's eyes go wide and he shuffles over to the young man next to him and pulls him to his chest. “Draco, you're safe. It's okay, you're safe.”
Harry feels Draco's tears wet his shirt and he refuses to comment, regardless of how curious he is about what Draco was dreaming about. He rubs gentle circles into Draco's back, trying his best to calm him. After about five minutes, Draco's shoulders stop shaking and he's relaxed against Harry in a fashion he never would have thought possible just a couple of weeks ago.
“I'm sorry.” Draco mumbles, peeling himself away from Harry's chest, wiping his tears with the heel of his hand. “I'm really sorry, Harry.”
“Why?”
“This isn’t exactly something I wanted you to see,” Draco laughs darkly, still rubbing away the wetness on his face. “It’s not something I want you to have to deal with. That’s why I’m sorry.”
Harry shakes his head and takes Draco’s hand in his. “Don't be,” He gently runs his thumb across the pale skin of Draco's knuckles. “We all have our fair share of nightmares, yeah? You've got nothing to apologize for.”
Draco studies Harry’s face, looking deeply into his eyes, searching for a trace of malice and mocking. He doesn’t find anything of the sort, only sincerity and kindness. “Thank you.” Draco squeezes his hand gently.
“Let's try to go back to sleep, okay?” Harry lays down and Draco nods, laying down beside him, his ear pressed to Harry's chest, just over his heart. Draco refuses to let go of Harry's hand.
“Is this alright? Us being in the same bed, I mean.”
“Don't worry about it right now.” Harry shakes his head against his pillow. “Try to get some rest.”
Harry feels Draco nod against his chest before he slips off into sleep again.
-------
part 2
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