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#and even my mom couldnt find much nice to say abt it
imeverywoman420 · 2 years
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Hope this isnt a sensitive subject but I was just wondering re. your stance on men, you say tht you loved your dad and describe him 2 b a great guy, but you also say you dont really regard men as people, (I know theres obvs more complexity 2 that) but I was just wondering if you can reconcile these feelings of the men you do actually love and respect and the anger you feel at them (I'm a woman and find it hard to sort of .. decide I guess what I feel abt men, hope this doesnt sound rude)
Dude my dad was so weird he doesnt even read as a man to me.
Like he only had one wife before my mom and then after divorcing her never married or dated again. I legit dont think he was gay or if he was he was VERY repressed cause he wasnt getting with men either. Like he had a gay brother he was fine with i think if he was gay he wouldve like. Been like im gay.
He was like. A neat hoarder. A collector i guess but he had 100 of everything you could possibly need. But his house was always neat. And he didnt hoard garbage or invaluable things. Like he collected an entire safe (a HUGE safe) of guns which my uncle stole from me when he died lol along with all the guns in the house except for a few rifles and handguns. He had half the downstairs parlor covered floor to ceiling in wv glass. Glass companies used to be a big thing in wv they were all incredibly ornate pieces of china. And he had BOXESSSS stacked to the ceiling in his basement of them too.
He literally watched rupaul with me. Degrassi. Jerry springer. I would do a little fashion show every time i went shopping and he would try his best to understand fashion 😭 but no matter how much of a hot mess i looked hed say emily u look very nice! He would let me wear makeup when i was like 8. So many dads wont even let their daughters paint their nails. He NEVER ever once told me i couldnt wear something.
He had books on reincarnation, he even recommended me the gospel of mary magdalene. He was a libertarian but not like. An ancap. It was like he had way more complex beliefs than he was letting on. He grew a weed plant in his closet lol. He had at least 5 grocery bags of CARTONS of american spirits
TLDR I could go on and on but my dad was a fucking strange man and i guess i dont see him as a man. He built that entire duplex from the ground up in the 70s/80s and was a shop teacher most of his life. But he didnt act like a “Man” around me. We watched degrassi and he watched me play the sims and bought me palettes of japanese candy when i was in my weeb phase and let me have as many Phases as i wanted to and i could gossip and talk to him about anything.
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b0nywh0res · 1 year
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hi!! so since im not active 24/7 anymore i feel like u missed a lot so little update!!
i lost most of my friends. ive had so many depressive episodes and then weird episodes where i would hate them and want them to die. so ig it makes sense but also they know that i have these episodes but wtv not everyone can handle that and i respect that. they didnt have to be such bitches abt it tho. i got them muffins as apology bc i rlly cant control those episodes and they fucking rolled their eyes at me. girl. ur acting as if ur not fucking toxic urself. at least own it omg.
L and i got sooo close irl. shes been way more touchy w me which i rlly appreciate bc its so comforting and makes me feel so much more loved than just words.
and uhm. today was the worst day of my life. i had a panic attack during english class so i left and decided to skip the next period which is allowed if ur in a bad mental state. i told a teacher and he was like okay fine but for some reason the secretary still called my mom? she was so mad bc she doesnt believe in mental illnesses and all that yk so i was too scared to go home. i told my homeroom teacher and she said that there was obv a bigger underlying issue that was causing this. i basically started sobbing and she was so kind to me and hugged me. she even started crying w me oml.
she said that one of the teachers saw me looking at pro-ana sites in class(probably tumblr i hate yall LMAO) and they told her. she wouldnt tell me who it was. if i find out who snitched i will hshdhsjdh. i fr cant let anyone know abt my ed but god i was so close to telling her everything.
she said that i dont have any adults in my life who i can rely on and that i carry way too much for a teenager. shes getting me a school therapists and tbh i dont think itll help much bc ive had a few before but shes so nice to me so ill try. idk if im ready to talk abt my ed yet but i def want to do smth abt my mood swings and everything that comes w it. its so tiring.
she couldnt rlly do anything abt my moms anger so she told me that it was just one day and that i could get through it and i would speak w her again tmr. heating her say that was a real relief ngl. my mom hasnt ever been this mad(except for that one time 3 years ago when she wouldnt allow me anywhere but the attic for 3 weeks) and its rlly scary. home situation isnt great and school isnt either but god id do anything to be at school rn.
all in all life still sucks, i love L and now im starting school therapy. woohoo.
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guideaus · 1 year
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my mom randomly made me sad and now im just like 😐
i was literally in the middle of deep cleaning one of the rooms of the house when i went to grab some paper towels from the kitchen, then she starts talking about how she couldnt find my old best friend from tn's facebook profile, and that she probably deleted her account. i was like "yeah", then she asked if we still talk and i was like "no." and i assumed that was the end of that, but then she continued like "well that's just terrible, friends dont do that to each other." , and talked abt the good things i did for her, and kept making those kind of tsk tsk "for shame" noises. and somehow her saying that about her made me defensive of my friend, and then made me equally annoyed that in the past when i'd get sad i didnt talk to her as much after i moved states. my mom would always go "well, honey... she has a house, husband, and child now." (and even told other people that i wasnt right to complain!) and i'd be like "yeah", but now she's like "wow isnt she terrible" and im like uhh you were defending her up until now?? and who are you to talk lol???
then that was kind of the end of that interaction, but now its just made me sad and ruined my mood after ive already done my best to like repress that shit months ago, lol. no one in my family ever talks abt anything emotional, i complain abt anything and my mom is basically guaranteed to side with the other party. i could get hit by someone and she'd probably be like "well, you shouldnt have upset them." and rn im like... what was the point of that lol!!! if it was to randomly make me sad, mission accomplished! i am so used to her talking abt random things i usually disagree with, or dont care enough to comment on, but the rare time she kinda says smth related to me im like... well thanks for that??? It really felt like a sudden "so you dont speak to anyone from tn anymore?" "...no." "WELL, uh, thats not nice of them!" like okay. thanks for bringing that up??
she's related to me more than my friend, so the most natural response is probably "wow, fuck them." but she's never had that attitude, ever, it's always like somehow my fault for feeling bad abt smth they did, but then somehow now her saying that made me even more upset just because it was so uncharacteristic. literally just opened a wound out of nowhere, and then wasnt even predictable about it. if she had said "yeah, you havent seen her in a while." i'd have just been like "yeah" instead of feeling weird
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everythingsinred · 3 years
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i just want to get my book printed and own a hard copy but its hard to work on sketches or editing when nobodys been interested in reading. im feeling so self conscious, like maybe nobody wants to tell me how bad it is. i tried editing a lil the other day and just the first chapter, which ive always been happy with, seemed so stupid. i dont wanna work on it when i feel like this :(
#its hard to be fair to yourself when ppl treat ur story with apathy and at times even disdain#this story means so much to me im just so insecure rn#little anya things#i mean when nobody wants to read u gotta start asking urself why that might be#is it abt me? or is my writing bad? is my story bad?#im overthinking everything and i feel like shit#ive felt like sht for a few days now actually and i wanna cry but its hard talking to ppl abt it#bc idk if anyone will understand how much it has been full body hurting me#its just a dumb book#just some ocs#but its my whole life and has been for a full decade#putting ur whole soul into something and getting less than a lukewarm reaction is like being stabbed hhhhhhh#its affecting my job and my mood and sleep schedule and my appetite#and even my mom couldnt find much nice to say abt it#i feel like such shit#i stayed alive for this#this is what kept me going#i said to myself ‘ppl havent even read ur story yet! ur a writer who hasnt even finished a book u cant die yet!’#and i stayed alive and i finished my first book and nobody cares#my mom cant even compliment it#that thing that kept me going meant fucking nothing to anybody else#it just feels so awful#ive been in a secret bad mood for DAYS abt this why even bother writing anymore#at work all i can think abt is this and it makes me wanna break down and cry at any moment#ugh i just dont wanna work on anything anymore#its never gonna get published anyway#ppl either insult it or say nothing at all and its not encouraging so maybe ill just give up for now#who fucking cares
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1990jeevas · 3 years
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I love it when people talk about things they're passionate about, tell me something cool!! Anything you want, just something you find interesting or want to talk about :D
hello anon my beloved, I am in a bad mood so you will be receiving a passionate, yet lowkey of pissy rant about why villainizing bakugou makes me wanna vomit and its NOT just because I'm a dumbass kinnie :)
tws: child abuse (emotional and physical), near death expierences, bullying, kidnapping, suffocation, lots of trauma in general tbh. if you've seen bnha then basically just keep all the general triggering plot stuff in mind incase i missed any warnings
also, note: I havent caught up on bnha in a minute, I'm at like the start of the war arc but I barely remember shit there tbh so like. probs missing new stuff. also bnha spoiler warnings lol
so, for starters, the homie bakugou has like,, a good handful of issues that come from his childhood that explain why he's an ass. he was always praised and never actually reprimanded for being a twat which led to him having a huge ego that ended up fucking him over majorly. this ego was something that his mother acknowledged him having, but literally didnt try to fix it with anything other than violence. see here:
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like, instead of trying to help him, she hits and insults him, which is probably what led to his weird inferiority/superiority complex. being constantly told by others that you're outstanding and one day you'll be a top hero because you're rude and aggressive and then going home and being hit by your mother for those exact same behaviors is bound to fucking confuse a child.
so like, now that we've established that its definetly canon that his mother (parents? I think he said parents at some point but masaru doesn't seem like the type so 🤷) hits him though we don't know how much or how often (though if bakugou was as much of a little shit back then ((which as far as we've seen- he was)) then it was probably often), lets talk about how regardless of all that 1) hitting your kids as "discipline" not only doesn't work but is abusive lol like idc if it's spanking/popping them on the mouth for talking shit, slapping them across the face "on occasion", etc. shits not okay 2) hitting your kids!!!! does not work!!!!!!!! it is literally PROVEN not to work!!!!!!!! hitting a child who has done something wrong doesnt teach them to stop doing something it teaches them to be scared of you, which will cause the child to withdraw, removing part of their support system (assuming said abusive parents would even offer that up) and will most likely lead to them thinking they're a bad person, not that their actions were bad, which are two different things. so, ya know, that would clearly have an effect on a kid. like, as someone with a mother who reminds me all too much of mitsuki: I have acted like a complete shitbag and taken my anger out on people to feel better in the past because of the way my mother treated me. though it was nowhere near what bakugou did, I still know first fucking hand what a mother hitting and insulting her child will do, especially if they have no proper outlet for that (friends, a safe place to vent) which bakugou never fucking had.
theres also the fact that just talking to your kid the way mitsuki does (saying it's his fault he was kidnapped because he's weak, all while hitting him) is not??? okay?????? ive seen people arguing that this was just a joke in poor taste but like her son was KIDNAPPED and even if it was a "joke" there's literally NO WAY that would EVER?? BE FUNNY??????? she just sounds like the kind of parent who at the very least says shit without thinking that would traumatize bakugou (because being told right after being kidnapped it's your fucking fault by your mother is absolutely traumatizing) but it comes across as her being emotionally abusive.
mitsukis character as a whole comes across as a shitty mom who doesn't realize she's a shitty mom and thinks bakugou being an ass isn't at least partially her fault even though she's admitted to realizing he has always had an ego problem and doing nothing to fix it except for hitting and yelling which obviously did nothing but make him just as loud and violent as she is.
this is obviously not the entire reason why he's a dick but he was never properly taught that the shit he was doing wasn't okay and people not stopping it and/or praising him endlessly even tho he was a bully is basically the same as encouraging it, thank you very much.
moving on from that, let's talk about bakugous other traumas and how he naturally responds to them. hint: it's with either full blown panic or a fight response (verbal or physical, though usually physical. also sometimes it's the panic followed by the fight response.)
so far in bnha (keep in mind that I am not caught up, I've only read up to the beginning of the war arc and i barely remember those bits so) bakugou has...
nearly died via sludge villain (he was unable to move and was being suffocated to death- keep this in mind)
lost for the first time ever and against deku of all people (this nearly sent him into a full blown panic attack, likely because of that sexy little inferiority/superiority complex combo. think of this as like. gifted kid burnout lite. he has always been the best of the best and now suddenly he is being beaten by somebody who has always been weaker than him, which immediately makes him start thinking he was never actually that good, he's actually a fucking failure, a goddamn fraud)
won the sports festival by default (bakugou counts this as yet another failure because todoroki didnt try his best. had bakugou lost to todoroki full strength, he would've taken 2nd place with a bit of bitching, but he still wouldve taken it rather than refuse the medal as it would be a reminder that he failed. instead of accepting that like UA shouldve, the staff chained and muzzled him on live television and then had all might, his fucking idol, force the medal into his mouth. remember the sludge villain incident and how he couldnt move and was suffocating to death? yeah.)
been kidnapped because of the way he reacted to winning during the sports festival (he was aggressive and tried to refuse the medal because he felt he didnt deserve it and was then retraumatized by being chained up and muzzled. his "villainous attitude" was a fucking trauma response, do not tell me otherwise)
was then chained up once again by the LOV after being kidnapped,,, do we see the "retraumatize bkg" theme yet?
"ended all might" (he literally blames himself for all mights retirement because had he just not have been weak, all might wouldve had more time, right?)
my point with all of these is that bakugou has been severely traumatized and has then had his trauma responses (aggression, fight) used to further demonize him. not all people with trauma react the fucking same and the way the fandom just refuses to acknowledge anger as a valid form of trauma response is gross as hell.
moving away from that topic, bakugou has literally never had any actual friends, they all just used him and didn't care about him which absolutely will fuck up a kid, especially one who already has all that other shit going on. bakugou deadass never had a support system or people to help him grow as a person, let alone properly work through his fucking emotions so it's not surprising that he would take out his bullshit on the one person who tried to help him especially considering he saw dekus actions as him thinking he was weak. bakugou was raised to not seek help, he thought somebody strong shouldnt ever need it, so for somebody like deku (who bakugou percieved as weak and helpless already) to offer up help? deku must obviously think bakugou is even weaker than him, what other explanation could their possibly be!
speaking of which, there's his heaps of insecurities that he basically hid by being a twat and bullying others for most of his life. kid was so insecure he bullied deku for fucking years cause he thought deku looked down on him, thought he was better than him, etc. and that only got worse bc his idol then decided to take deku in, train him and even give him his quirk. there's probably some shit im missing but still he's got issues and always has had issues. that being said, he's actually improving and working them out now which is what makes him a really good, interesting character. it's also nice to see a character who is a dick without some tragic backstory (like his backstory is sad but its not the classic "my family was fucking slaughtered and i turned into a raging bitch who murders people" type shit) bc that rarely happens and it's like most assholes don't actually have a story like that they're just assholes lol
now lets talk improvement! lil bitch has been getting better since he got into UA and im so happy abt it!! he had a rough start what with deku suddenly having a quirk and all but like he is really improving now and it highkey shows that bakugou just mostly needed people who 1) didn't constantly praise him and actually criticized him instead 2) actually fucking punished him doing stupid shit and 3) some motherfucking friends
Since going to UA he's gotten actually feedback from teachers about his weaknesses and how to get stronger, he's lost against others, hes been told he has a shit attitude and is a dick, told he should be nicer and leave deku alone, etc etc. He hasn't gotten in trouble too much with teachers but others give him shit for what he does and aizawa has punished him too, while still acknowledging that bakugou is an amazing and dedicated student, something which no one else had done up til that point. and uh???? homie actually has friends who like,,, don't use him and also call him out when he's a dick. like specifically kirishima has done this shit and him and bakugous relationship is clearly very healthy and beneficial for the both of them. makes me feel all happy n shit, ya know
bottom line is: while it is absolutely valid to dislike or even hate bakugou because he is a massively flawed person who has been very cruel to others, villainizing him for the way he acts which in large part seems to be from a lack of guidance, a shitty mother and heavy amounts of trauma, is fucking awful. his actions cannot be fucking excused, he needs to apologize and continue to grow, but he is also a fucking teenager, who is just now being told that the way he acts is unacceptable by people who dont fucking abuse him (and I swear to god if any people who think mitsuki isnt abusive interact with this fucking post I will fullstop hardblock you, I do not fucking care) and actually treat him like a normal person instead of some prodigy child or someone who needs to be fixed.
people are free to debate my points or whatever bc I know some of this stuff is up to interpretation but like. dni if you're just here to say you hate bakugou for xyz reason or that he's irredeemable. also especially dni if you compare him to fucking endeavor yall bitches make me gag.
anyways thxs for the ask anon <33 sorry this is a kinda messy info dump lol
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blxetsi · 3 years
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Hello! I love your blog and writing so much! May I please request modern au dating hcs for Mikasa?
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tysm for requesting ilysm 🙈💥
i also went a bit overboard i hope thats okay !!
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modern mikasa ackerman dating headcanons
lowercase intended !
college!mikasa ackerman x gn!reader
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- eren finds out abt her crush on you. idc idc
- mf may be dense sometimes but he isnt stupid, he KNOWS what mikasa acts like when shes in the presence of her crush,, he would know bc he was one ;)
- anyways, maybe your like, going up to ask mikasa for her notes from last class, or just chatting with them to be friendly
- either way mikasa goes from 😳 to 😐 real quick
- shes very quiet which youre used to so you dont really think too long abt her lack of communication. its literally just you and eren talking at this point
- after you leave to,,, idk sit under a tree ?? erens immediately turning to mikasa being like "okay tell me everything"
- she denies the crush on u 😔💔
- but then eren tells armin.
- and eren has a big mouth so who knows who else he told ??
- so finally, after beating up eren for spilling the beans she tells her two closest friends EVERYTHING
- like from how nice your hair smells to how pretty she finds your eyes. how she loves your sense of style. she just likes everything about you
- erens like "i mean yeah theyre rlly cute but like,,, what do you like about them that isnt physical 😐"
- mikasa starts blushing HARD. and slowly goes to her bedroom in their shared apartment, before slinking back out holding a crinkly folded piece of paper.
- its something you wrote and it says "thanks for studying with me mikasa !! let me treat you to boba as a thanks. youre so sweet, ill see you next class babie"
- erens looking at the note like 😐 mf is this it ??
- armins flipping it back and forth and reading it over and over again
- mikasa just says "theyre kind to everyone. and theyre funny. i just like them a lot."
- erens like 🙄 k but armins all for it
- then they start coming up with a plan to get you to like mikasa back (even though mikasa doesnt want that)
- erens an asshole and says "mikasa i love you and you will always be my number one, HOWEVER. they might just see you as a friend, OR WORSE. an aquaintance. we gotta make u so cool that youre irresistable"
- now mikasa is a bit worried
- HOWEVER. what none of those idiots know is that YOU have had a fat crush on mikasa since you asked her for a pencil at the beginning of the semester 😍 she stared at u like 😐✏️ and u were like "omg thanks 😊" w a little blush on ur cheeks bc mikasa's hot
- i mean,, if you didnt like mikasa WHY would you have invited her out for boba ?? one, who doesnt like boba ?? and two,, doesnt that count as a date ? u didnt know but u just wanted to like ✨subtly✨ shoot your shot
- but that was almost a month ago and she hasnt said yes. so you assume she didnt wanna go
- a few days go by after mikasa tells her friends all about her crush. and like,,, they do nothing ?? what happened to the big plan of making mikasa seem like the coolest person around ?
- it turns out eren doesnt know enough about you to know what you like. and ur dumbass friends aint help either.
- so one day he finds you and mikasa coming out of your shared class, your talking about something and mikasa is just nodding with a blush on her cheeks.
- he runs up to both of you before saying "hey just to let you know mikasa has a big crush on you. and she'd love to go get boba with you 😁👍"
- mikasa gets so red in the face and starts smacking him with her binder. you couldnt stop it even if you tried
- after literally YELLING at them for their attention you just turn to mikasa like "please get boba with me 🥺" and she cant resist
- and then the rest is history 😌✨
- after the boba date you learned so much about her and vice versa. you guys were like,, closer than ever. always going to her apartment or her coming to your dorm
- you guys would have sleepovers very frequently. nothing ever happens but you two like being so close with each other
- and you guys do a lot together when you arent busy with school or work or friends
- mikasa takes you to cool museums and art galleries
- you take her to cool shops downtown and parks
- its so fun
- but you cant help but wonder if youre dating or not ?? like do you have the right to call mikasa your gf ?? you guys havent kissed on the lips but she always kisses your head when you cuddle, and you always take each other out on dates
- on the day you finally bring it up during one of your sleepovers. shes on her back and youre almost on top of her with your arms around her shoulders and your face smushed into her chest
- u just kinda mumble "are you my girlfriend ?"
- and its SILENT.
- u start freaking out bc "omg she doesnt like me 😁👍 im gonna cry"
- until she just quietly says. "yes."
- OFNWIDNKWSMWKKWKALSMQLSME
- ur gonna marry this girl 😐
- her love language ?? definitely acts of service. idc idc.
- when u sleep over shes making you tea without u asking. (u said u liked lavender tea ONCE and this bith got a whole container 😭😭)
- when you have movie nights with her, eren, and armin she always chooses a movie you like ("no we arent watching the florida project again armin cried last time" "yeah but y/n loves it so" "this feels like oppression mikasa" "okay and ?")
- is also very protective. she hears mfs in the halls talking shit about you ?? shes shutting them up with her glare
- also u know how isayama made her goth in his like, highschool thingy ?? yeah 😍
- #gothmikasasupremacy
- she makes her eyeliner and shadow messy on purpose.
- you love just laying her down on her bed and straddling her, just leaning over and doing her makeup for her (jules and anna tease 🙈✨)
- sometimes you guys go to thrift stores and pick out outfits for each other
- one time you found this GORGEOUS floral sundress and she physically shivered from the thought of wearing
- tried it on and looked SO BEAUTIFUL, but it wasnt her style 😐
- also doesnt tell her parents about you ?? not bc shes embarassed or anything but just because she knows her dad is gonna be like "who are they ? what are they like ? where do they live ? whats their major ? where are they from ? whats their zodiac sign ?"
- he doesnt do it to play the "overprotective dad" role but because hes genuinely curious and excited
- she brings you home for the first time and youre so surprised because this tall blond man is her FATHER ?? she looks so much like her mom though its not even funny
- for dinner her mom and dad made traditional japanese food 😭😭 it was so good omfg
- also this has nothing to do with dating headcanons but mikasa used to live off of lunchables as a kid. was literally addicted to the rubber like ham 😍
- her mom is so sweet, and she shows you all of the stuff she's embroidered all these years
- her dad is so extroverted, he loves telling dad jokes. you find them HILARIOUS but mikasa sits there like 😐👍
- he DEMANDS you guys play scrabble. he says it help him figure out who you are as a person. now youre scared 😁👍
- anyways
- you love giving her little kisses on her lips because one, you get some of her moisturizing lip gloss on your lips and two, she blushes SO HARD
- one time you two were on a date and you ran into her ex. whos literally so scary
- her name is annie and shes blonde and muscular and rlly hot but has that same blank stare as mikasa
- you feel kinda weird bc how did she go from being with ANNIE to you ??
- you ask her abt it and shes like "oh yeah we dated in our last year of high school. im much happier with you" and now youre feeling all giggly and happy bc mikasa doesnt lie 😭😭
- u roll around on her bed with your cheeks squished together to hide your blush bc you feel so good that she said that
- she just rolls her eyes before getting on top of you and taking your hands away from your face
- she gives u kisses all over before putting the final one on your lips. its such a soft and sweet moment with just the two of you, you cant help but confirm what youve already thought:
youre gonna marry her one day.
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a/n
i REAAALLLLYYYY enjoyed making this oml. i hope u all enjoyed this !! remember: requests r open for anything aot OR u can give me ideas for other fandoms to write for
kk goodbye friends 🤩🤩🤩
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kimjoongs · 4 years
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—ateez college au series [psh]
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so seonghwa is a nursing major bc why not and no this isnt bc im also a nursing major or maybe it is idk shh
he wanted to become a nurse bc his mom was one, and he saw how much she adored her job
plus seonghwa is a self-less and caring person, so this was the perfect choice for him
he lives in an apartment on campus with his roommate hongjoong and it’s both a blessing and a curse
it was a blessing because his and hongjoong’s personalities matched very well, so they rarely had arguments
but it was also a curse bc joong was a music production major so he’d be producing music in his room, which normally wasn’t a problem, but on nights where seonghwa was studying for his exams, hongjoong would be in the room next door blasting music
usually all seonghwa had to do was knock on his door and ask him to keep it down, but there were nights where he would just pack up his stuff and study at the campus library instead
he often stayed for about 3-4 hours or more if he had an exam the next day
hwa really liked anatomy and phys but absolutely despised chemistry
“what the hell is the difference between polar and nonpolar? wait, why does this lewis structure only have 2 bonds? shouldn’t it have 3? ah shit i forgot an electron–”
sometimes hongjoong would come out of his room to get a glass of water only to find hwa asleep at the kitchen table with a copy of the periodic table on his head
he loves getting to wear his scrubs on lab day bc 1) scrubs are super comfortable and 2) it gets him excited thinking about the future
he also started volunteering at the nursing college in the labs
he’d help the lab ops set up the labs, refill the fluids, repack the medication, or clean up the simulation rooms
this also gave him the opportunity to get to know his future professors, and he would never admit it, but whilst he was volunteering, he would admire the older nursing students wearing the official university scrubs
it made him that much more determined to get into nursing school
during his first semester his second year, he had less of a workload compared to his first year, so he had more free time and was able to go out more
one day hongjoong asked seonghwa if he wanted to hang out with a few of his friends, and he said yes
so the two of them went out to this nearby boba cafe where hongjoong’s friends mingi, san, and wooyoung were waiting for him
you were there as well, tagging along as a mutual friend of san’s, and he introduced you to the two them
“hey hongjoong, seonghwa, this is my friend y/n! i hope it’s cool if they come along. i needed to drag them out of their room or else they’d be studying for hours on end,” san teased, knocking your head lightly w his fist
you stuck your tongue out at him then turned to shake hongjoong’s and seonghwa’s hands
when you made eye contact with the latter, his face lit up with recognition “oh wait, y/n? you’re in my pathophysiology class right?”
“oh yeah, i sit right behind you. nice to meet you, seonghwa!” you flashed him a smile, and he smile back
after everyone introduced themselves, you all found a table and ordered your drinks
mingi, san, and seonghwa sat on one side of the booth whilst you, wooyoung, and hongjoong sat on the other
you were quite surprised, and quite relieved, at how well you were fitting in and getting along with hongjoong and seonghwa…especially seonghwa
during the time that you all were together, seonghwa found out that you were a nursing major too and the two of you launched into a full blown discussion about it, unaware of the looks the others were giving you both
hongjoong had a faint smile on his face, mingi was chuckling and shaking his head, and san and wooyoung were giving each other knowing smirks
at the end of the night, seonghwa had asked you for your number in case yall wanted to study tgt, and you happily obliged
then you all said your farewells and went your separate ways
a few days pass and you don’t hear from seonghwa, which was quite understandable considering the fact that it was midterm season and you were both busy
but you were also kind of looking forward to study with him, he seemed really smart and self-disciplined which was exactly the type of study buddy you needed
but another couple days pass and lo and behold you receive a text from the one and only park seonghwa that reads: hey you wanna study tgt for the patho exam at the library today?
ofc you said yes and half an hr later, you found yourself at the library sitting right across from seonghwa
the two of you had your laptops, notebooks, and handouts spread all over the tables and were completely in the zone
after an hr or two of straight studying, you suggested taking a small break and that’s where the two of you got to talking abt nursing and why you both chose to major in it
“well my mom’s a nurse, and when i was younger she would always talk about how much she loved her job. she’s super hardworking and cares about her patients, and that’s how i want to be someday. plus as a nurse, if i could just make someone’s day just a little bit better, then that’s all that matters to me.”
needless to say, you were captivated by the raw passion and love seonghwa had for his future career, and you couldn’t help but admire him for it
after your short break, the two of you went back to studying, but this time yall would often make eye contact and send each other encouraging smiles
you found yourself slowly becoming more comfortable with seonghwa as the time passed by
and after that, the two you started having more and more study sessions, growing closer and closer
whenever an exam or quiz was coming up, you two would always be found studying tgt whether it was at his apartment or the library
and that’s when the hesi exam came in
the amount of time you guys spent studying for regular exams was nothing compared to the amount of time yall spent studying for the hesi
on the day of, you and hwa were practically freaking out
“oh my god y/n i’m so scared. what if i forget how to do the conversions? what if i forget everything i learned in anatomy? what if i forget basic grammar–”
“hwa shut up you’re making me nervous!”
basically yall are a wreck from the beginning of the exam all the way to the end, and once yall walk out of that testing room you almost collapse
anyways fast forward a few weeks later it’s almost the end of the semester and also around the time where you would be receiving your letter saying whether or not you were accepted into the program
it was a friday night and the entire gang was at your apartment having a movie night
you were looking thru your emails when you stumbled upon one from your university, and when you saw what the subject was you screamed, scaring the living daylights out of mingi who was sitting next you
“y/n what the hell–” “guys, guys my nursing school letter came in oh my god, oh my god!”
the entire room went silent for a millisecond before san let out a shriek and soon everyone was crowding around you
hongjoong gripped seonghwa’s shoulder “did you get yours yet?”
the latter’s eyes widened in realization and he also whipped out his phone, letting out a choked gasp when he saw the same email “mine came in too!”
at this point all of yall were freaking the hell out, and you and seonghwa somehow found each other’s hands and held them tightly tgt
“okay, okay, okay!” you reposition yourself on the couch so you were facing your fellow nursing major “on the count of three we open it at the same time, yeah?” all seonghwa did was nod
“alright, one…two…three!” everyone held their breath and it seemed like an eternity had passed…and then you and seonghwa jumped up from the couch
“i got in!” you yelled at the same time, which caused the others to belt out the loudest cheers you’ve ever heard
overwhelmed with excitement and pride, you threw yourself onto seonghwa and gave him the tightest hug, and he wrapped his arms around your waist, gently lifting you off the ground
when you guys separated, both your eyes widened at the lack of space btwn the two of you, and you immediately jumped away from each other
“um,” you cleared your throat “i’m…i’m really proud of you, hwa.” he gave you the softest of smiles, one that made your heart race even more than it was right now
“i’m proud of you too, y/n.”
aaaand fast forward again to the beginning of the next semester! you and seonghwa were officially in the clinical portion of the nursing program which meant you two were now able to wear the university’s official nursing scrubs seonghwa probably cried a little when he first tried his on
and since yall were in the program tgt, you saw each other more frequently, even more compared to the previous semester
which certainly didnt help alleviate the strong emotions you were feeling ever since the two of you shared that small, intimate moment just a couple months prior
before you didnt use to feel anything when you hung out with seonghwa, but now just thinking abt him was enough to get you all giddy and nervous at the same time
it had reached a point where you couldnt take it anymore, so you decided to seek help from the one person who knew seonghwa best: his best friend and roommate, hongjoong
when you met up with him and poured out what it was you were feeling, hongjoong sent you a fond, knowing smile “y/n…you like him. romantically, i mean.” 
you gaped “i…what?”
“you, y/n, have romantic feelings for my best friend, seonghwa.”
“i..i like him? i don’t…i don’t have–” you froze upon seeing the way hongjoong raised his eyebrows at you
“i…i like…i like seonghwa,” you finally breathed out. hongjoong’s gaze softened and he chuckled “took you long enough…now if only seonghwa could stop being a coward and just ask you out already,” he mumbled the second part under his breath
not knowing what to do with the information you had just uncovered abt yourself, you thought it’d a good idea (read: it was the stupidest idea) to distance yourself from seonghwa for a bit, just long enough for you to process the thoughts racing thru your mind
you were unaware, however, of how you distancing yourself might look like from seonghwa’s pov
he’s noticed you not hanging out with him as much anymore outside of class, and during class whenever he’d try to talk to you, you’d just scurry over to the other side of the room
he started getting worried and, ironically, he went to hongjoong for advice
upon hearing what’s been going on, hongjoong sighed loudly and slammed his hands down on the counter
“okay, initially i wasn’t going to say anything because i wanted the two of you to find out on your own, but obviously that isn’t going to happen so i’m just going to say it. y/n’s avoiding you because they realized they’ve fallen head over heels in love with you and don’t know how to react. so hwa, please be a nice guy and help them figure it out if you catch my drift.”
at that, hongjoong walked out and into his room, leaving an open-mouthed seonghwa frozen in the kitchen, he was at a loss for words
he knew hongjoong knew abt his feelings for you, but he didn’t think you’d feel the same
after contemplating whether or not what he was abt to do was a good idea or not, seonghwa simply said “screw it” and dashed out the door, heading straight for your apartment
once he arrived, he knocked rapidly on your front door
you had barely opened the door when seonghwa practically slid right in
“seonghwa? what are you doing he–”
“y/n, i’m sorry for just barging in but i need to ask you something really important and i want you to be completely honest.”
you gasped softly at the way he was looking at you, it was so intense and so serious you’ve never seen him like that before
“uh, okay? what’s going on?” you asked nervously
“do you have feelings for me?”
you choked “w-what?!”
“i talked to hongjoong and asked him for advice bc you’ve been avoiding me the past few days, and he said it’s bc you like me. is that true?”
you didn’t know what to say, the familiar warm feeling in your stomach came back and you found it difficult to maintain eye contact with seonghwa
a few seconds of silence passed, and you could see seonghwa’s serious gaze slowly start to crumble and all of a sudden you panicked
“yes! y-yes…it’s true. i do have feelings for you,” your voice trailed off at the end, but you knew he heard you when he saw him stiffen up
he let out a shaky breath “how long?”
“huh?”
“how long have you liked me, y/n?” he asked more firmly
“u-um, i’m not sure? i honestly didn’t start noticing i felt like this until about two months ago when we found we got accepted. although, the more i think about it, i’ve been attracted to you since our first study session together. the way you talked so passionately about your future and how dedicated you were into making it come true made me feel something, and what you said was really inspiring to me and i just–”
your sentence was interrupted by a pair of lips connecting with your own, and it took a second for you to realize that…seonghwa was kissing you
oh my god…oh my god seonghwa was kissing you
once you finally registered what was happening, he pulled away from you, eyes wide and cheeks flushed
“oh..oh shit, y/n i’m so sorry! i didn’t mean to–i should’ve asked for your permission first. i’m so so sorry!”
seonghwa tried to take a step back, but you grabbed his wrist before he could
“y-y/n?” he stared at you
you couldn’t wait anymore. not after that.
“please, do that again.”
now it was seonghwa’s turn to choke on his breath “h-huh?”
you tightened your grip on his wrist “seonghwa, this is me giving you permission. kiss me again.”
and he did
unlike the first kiss, this one was much longer and more heartfelt. you felt his arms snake around your waist, tugging you closer and closer
you could feel the way your cheeks were heating up, but at the moment you didn’t care, wanting this moment to last forever
but unfortunately, all good things must come to an end
“hey y/n, who was at the doo–holy shit!” at the sight of you and seonghwa, mingi let out the loudest screech, causing the two of you to jump away from each other
“oh fuck i forgot san and mingi were here,” you cursed under your breath. seonghwa stood next to you, awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck
mingi still remained where he was in the hallway, mouth wide open in shock before he recollected himself “ohoho my god, san! text wooyoung and tell him he owes me dinner!” and with that, mingi took off running down the hall and into one of the rooms
and once again you were left alone w seonghwa
for the longest time, the two of you just stood there, refusing to speak nor look at each other
the room was so silent you could practically hear both of your hearts racing
“so uh…does this mean you and i are…?” seonghwa asked sheepishly, taking a small step towards you
you glanced up at him and couldn’t help but giggle at the hopeful look on his face
you turned towards him and flashed him the brightest grin “yeah, we are.”
the smile that appeared on seonghwa’s face at that moment was enough to take your breath away, and you had to physically restrain yourself from kissing him again
instead you opted for taking his hand in yours and entwining your fingers tgt
now that you and seonghwa were officially dating, it made studying that much more fun
when you guys started doing your clinicals, it became hard for yall to see each other, but it made your time tgt much more special when you did have time
seonghwa is a very touchy and cuddly person, so whenever there’s a short break in btwn lab or lecture, he’ll either be sitting next to you with his head on your shoulder or his arm around your shoulder and your head on his chest
the other nursing students (and sometimes the professors) would scream at how cute yall were
and bro if you thought seonghwa was your biggest motivator before you started dating, then he’s even bigger motivator now
when he quizzes you, he’ll always give you a kiss on the cheek if you answer a question correctly, or when you come back from a particularly rough shift he’ll be there to hold you and tell you that you did your best
oh yeah and to cheer you up he’ll say a bunch of anatomy jokes
“hey y/n, i aorta tell you how much i love you”
“oh god, hwa don’t even start.”
“oh c’mon, quit ovary-acting.”
“park seonghwa”
“you’re going tibia okay”
“i’m breaking up with you”
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misterbitches · 3 years
Text
some thots. having a bad time so this is rougher than usual. oh well
....
i guess he really does know hiim best cos if that was my mans (man specifically cos if anyone else did that id take it more srsly) i would be like oh my god ur singing me a love song? i would love it but i woudl SCREAM in embarrassment. UNLESS it was a really deep love song that's about us dying together.
like i want to eat ur skin type of thing (drain u nirvana) lmaoa but i really like this song it reminds me of that velvet underground song (the only one i know cos of juno lmao) and nico or whatever 'i'm sticking with you)
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my adhd would be out of fucking control i had to spend my time listening to this looking around i kept getting distracted by a tissue and thinking "wow this song is nice but i wish it would end bc i am getting distracted" and lo and behold i paused it and i have to pee and i know it's gonna take forever to undo this
ok about 12m later i turned it back on and they kissed and then he bit the corn then that night li chen also lost his virgin teas after watching gay porn and being like "hm interesting" and he'll be like "i see, ur dick is not medium sized"
i'm honestly gagging i cannot at this 12 year old marrying his mom
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beautiful theyre beautiful
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ayea you fucking psycho we do too because he was 17 and we had to witness it (or well, other people did cos i didnt watch the show even tho wayne song is [BEEEEEEEEEEEEEP BEEEEEP BEEEEP] and i want him to [BEEEEEEEP] and ppl even liked it which is fine like i get it in theory but they put this in my eyeballs so i'm gonna make fun of it bc it's fuckin DUMB lmao like i can't I CANNOT and he said "u were so persistent" BITCH UR 30??!?!???!?!?!?)capi hve it on mute and i tried to get a screencap of li chen and mu ren like together and not just his face but i cant find the timestamp and seeing their faces as they get married is literalyl traumattizing i'm like scremaing at my screen going "HE'S 5 HE'S 5 HE'S 5" and every time theyre like "we acn live forever together" like no bitch ur bones rae creaking
also is the officiator white? if anyone knows why or if that's common i'd love to know more. EDIT: HE ISN'T I JUST THOUGHT HE LOOKED LIKE MOBY FROM THAT ANGLE
anyway here
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i'm almost done with this fucking bullshit and i am in a really ould mood and usu they make it a bit better but imo it's kind of....annoying i guess balancing all these story elements and introducin gother couples (even in the periphery) since the story in itself can't focus. i feel like all in all the time spent with these two is a lot more limited and we get the feel for the rship because of their chemistry as actors, irl chemistry as friends and colleagues, and hopefully being happy and working on a good set. so it isn't the strength of the writing or production.
for some reason they get like less dynamic ways of being together which i think is part of their charm, they do things their own way, but the writers really should have substantiated this more. it's really just the way everyone in the show has managed to deliver these AWFUL story lines and production decisions (like seriously who the fuck was on costume? lighting?)
like maybe hot take but all the moments that are cringe and insane in the show are not pleasant, per se, because they aren't thought out clearly. so they're not a joy to watch in the normal sense but the actors are good enough to pull it off. i didn't cringe at the talks they had because it felt like actors like acting these lines out instead of us being embarrassed for it and you CAN TELL theyre embarrassed.
this is a huge kudos to the casting director and the actors and whatever crew that actually did a good job. i don't particularly like watching bo xiang and his grandfather husband not because of the content but because i feel like, to me, they're so awkward even though they have chemistry. i don't have that issue with xing si and his rapist brother boyfriend because watching them is actually really pleasant, it's intimate. this isn't to do with the story though because when it hits you how devoid this other person is and how stupid the situation is it changes (for me, for me, for me, this is all my opinion think whateverrrr u want im not telling u 2 ok!)
so truly kudos to this cast. idk if i'm misremembering here but imo the most cast appropriate series in this was crossing the line and close to you. one is a decent atmosphere and execution (yes even with that brother story line, notice the major key differences though because that's a sincere false equivalence. they try to execute power imbalances soooo badly and then fail every time but here's one meant to shock too and it was just likelmao ok girl?)
it may not make sense to say either in a writing way or for the character to do it but i believe that whoever the characters these people are supposed to be especially those super not well written on the page still get that message aacross (yong jie's actor is a good ex. not sure if i should ccongratulate him for having the worst job on earth and the worst character and his character is flat but. ostensibly they should let their actions speak for themselevs but what they do is they back themselves into a ccorner with unsuretyabout their characters or a dilemma that pops up they just want to excuse it. well guess hwat u couldnt do enough legwork. but to some extent the disposable side couple works here on a um "our eyes see them and get it" way
also to me it seems like they chose this story just to have this specific wedding. like it's a timely topic and i'm pretty sure like another provision? (correction? idk) was made WRT taiwanese same-sex marriage so it's topical but it isn't like a "papa and daddy" situation where they're interacting in it and there (for ex: the pride parade) and there being like real life terms and consequences. here it seems like they were like ah yes wedding ah yes dumb couple from modc bc we kiled off the other one sooooo (then outsource them to life love on the line u__u) then hamfisting in some fucking message which is funny bc
- despite the hints peppered in and the clear attraction they both acknowledge ur like ~not gay just him~ even tho...i mean i just. again they dont read over what they write i don't think considering. but wahtever.
- the only gay dude (verbally said) is with his rapist brother with an awful power dynamic oh or IS a rapist (gao) (or his brother but i think it was just a "im a psycho so it's him" thing unless they said it. in which case idc cos i wasnt paying attn but that's also not great) or i guess the wedding but like....that's also a ridiculously inappropriate and dumb relationship taht it's built on. i mean i don't really see much respect her so i dont particularly want to hear abt gay weddings being important when they didn't even utilize it in the story beforehand and have we ever. this is a huge indication to me that it was a reverse engineered chosen story beforehand (if it was one) or thought of
soooooo
so reversal of that....it didnt give us enough time to breathe with these two at all but for both of the actors they can capitalize what's on the page and the writers didn't. like their dynamic is very i give/you give like taking car eof each other etc that's why
again, no artist worth their salt will ever say their work meant nothing. that's a cover up. i'm sick of lazy production and then getting away with it claiming being subversive or attacking an issue by not doing anything. we show crazy shit all the time but it has a POINT and ur point is "i like the gays" then girl.....i mean it's not great
but the acting really carried it. i have a feeling if this series continues it might continue to use more experienced actors cos maybe the budget goes up but they also have less inhibitions now when it comes to acting. i like the way li chen expresss himself and teng teng too. i like anson a lot and there's some angles that did not do any favors and i think eh has to get more control of his body movements (bc he's SO LARGE and thin) but he wasn't bad at all and there were real human tears. of course i, personally, favor charles tu. he has more control over his body because he has...less to work with and he's a bit bigger and he was really great in this role. he's a himbo a bit of a meathead but you like him. you like them. there's some things i think they had them say and do that they wouldn't let happen if they stuck to the characters and the story (mainly liking that dumb idiot rapist)
what i notice is that the reprehensible actions people criticize others for in the show and in real human life lalways gets turned around. teng teng being surprised that this boy's grandfather boyfriend met him when he was a junior in high school and he's 12 years older and him apologizing for being shocked and then whatshisface going "ur better at it than most people" and then the convo about gao with whatshisface and then rapist brother comes to pick him up. they are admonishing gao but thinking that rapist brother is noble for doin gwhat he did (and oh rapist brother shows up) like the hypocrisy and the decisions are immense. so now it's like "guys see he's a great guy" like girl STICK TO SOMETHING but whatever so i live in this universe where muren and li chen do everything right and have lots of different interesting fun seex with all their friends. i would write this but i cannot i am dying
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autisticangus · 3 years
Text
anyway im so out of the loop on the mcelboys
i pretty much only keep semi-up to date with Sawbones at this point, not cuz i dont still LIKE everything else, just a lot has been goin on in my life
if anyone wants a long and rambly update on All Of The Bullshit im gonna stick a read more down here, asks are open and its cool to message me abt any of it if u want cuz i have some really nice and cool followers/mutuals here that make me comfy talkin abt that shit
as far as the future of this blog goes i wanna start using it more again! the mcelroys have gotten me out of some really dark places before so i hope having more connection to this community and the people here and their content again will help me like it has in the past! ill probs post more general mcelroy content here than previously rather than just taz btw i just gotta fuckin uhhhhh,,,, catch up on a bunch of shit again before this blog is even semi active lmaoo but im like alive and on tumblr regularly again!!
Wow u clicked on this and wanna hear me talk? Ur awesome and sweet, thanks for caring!
These past two years have been extraordinarily tough. This is gonna be a pretty long and detailed post that deals with the sensitive topics of emotional abuse, abusive relationships, and alcoholism. Please read on with caution.
Back in March of 2019, so this was about 3-4 months after i left tumblr, I got a new boyfriend and things started out really good, he was kind of a "bad boy" and it was fun at first. Im kind of a goody-goody so it was very interesting for me at first to be with someone so different who had such different life experiences than me. I liked hearing his stories of living in a traphouse, and running with gangs, and selling drugs, and knowing people who had killed people. I assumed a LOT of it was lies, obviously, who just brags about that shit u know? I just rolled with it, didnt take it seriously, and found the imagined scenarios interesting to listen to. So much of it was obviously played up to make him seem cooler, and I shouldve seen that as the red flag it was, and all my friends did but I didnt. 
He had a serious alcohol problem, I mean I had coffee in the morning and he had 2 four lokos before noon. it was bad. about 6 months into the relationship he decided i was cheating on him with my ex who i had recently reconnected with, we missed being friends and things were really going well talking and being friends again, he was really important to me! but my boyfriend saw this as yet another thing i was doing wrong. when he decided i was cheating, that become his focus of alcoholic rage. nearly every time he got drunk, which was several times a week, he would accuse me of things, he would yell and scream, he would call me horrible names and make me cry for literal hours, he never hit me but that shouldnt even matter, i was emotionally battered and mentally bruised and everything hurt. he gaslit me into believing i said and did things i never said or did, i admitted to things that were not real, and then i was yelled at for admitting them. i didnt know what to do.
he was threatening my ex too, he would get drunk and say he knew where he lived (he didnt) or he knew what car he drove (he didnt) and explained to me many times that although he had never killed someone, people had been killed before at his command. he said a bullet in the back of my ex’s brain was just a phone call and $500 away. somedays he would tell me he was just going to do it himself, with a hammer, or a kitchen knife, or whatever weapon he could get his hands on during his explanation of how he would do it. my only option was to agree, to say it didnt matter to me what happened to him, i had to pretend my on
/ly concern was him going to jail for the crime, if i showed any sign that i didn’t want my ex murdered, it clearly meant i was cheating on him. 
i pretended to block my ex on social media to get him off my back and it worked a little bit but he still brought it up. and even if he didnt directly mention him, he would always tell me when he was drunk that i was the cause of all his problems, i was why he was so self conscious, i was why he drank so much, i was why he had to work so hard, i was why every single issue he had was happening. logically i knew it was wrong, but i was so conditioned to it by then that i just went with it. i knew that agreeing and apologizing made the fighting end quicker.
things spiraled this past summer. his job needed us to relocate so we moved like 4 states away, away from all my family and friends, and lived in a tiny hotel room for a month. during this time, his drinking was somehow worse. he was drunk literally every night but he was passing out so we didnt fight and i was relieved. i was depressed being stuck in the hotel room all day alone, but thankful i wasnt being abused at least. then he started getting into drunken fistfights with his coworkers in the hotel parking lot. one day he came home just in time to find one of his drunk coworkers trying to break into the room with me there desperately trying to keep him out. i was terrified and wanted to go home but he convinced me to stay. a couple weeks after that we travelled for his work again several more states away. his drinking got a little bit better here, but i was so depressed and lonely, i was so isolated, he was all i saw day in and day out besides his coworkers and i was nervous around them. one day the guy who tried to break in on me, purposefully, while drunk, hit another coworkers car and totaled it and tried to run the guy over and i saw the whole thing. a week later my boyfriend was also fired because he got so drunk he passed out in the hotel parking lot and the company needed to save face with the hotel after the whole car incident. 
so we travelled back home, but not my home, to his where we lived isolated on a mountain with no phone signal or wifi. the house was old and not well kept from being empty for several years, half the appliances didnt work. i was more isolated than i have ever been in my life. for 4 months i stayed there and just dreaded him coming home because i knew he would be drunk again and he'd yell or accuse me of things or otherwise belittle me. it was horrible. my friends all said to leave and my parents said to leave but i was so brainwashed into thinking that if i was just a good little housewife and if i just stayed home and did the dishes and the laundry that he would be nicer but he still found things to point at and say i was cheating. he was also becoming really controlling about my food intake and weight and i already struggle with an eating disorder so that just made me feel even more like i had to stay, my brain felt like if i wasnt under his watchful eye id gain weight again, like somehow it was thanks to him i had lost weight and not my own choices.
one day last week i expressed to him wanting to leave, saying how unhappy i was, i told him how sad i felt and how i didnt think we were such a good match. he didnt take me seriously, so the next day when he got sloppy drunk before 5 pm i packed a small bag and went to my moms. i was just gonna stay for a night or two but he called and screamed at me for leaving without telling him, i told him he just didnt remember me telling him because he was so drunk, and he accused me of not caring about his feelings and made me sound like the bad guy for leaving without his permission. i told him it was just for a few days but the angrier he got the more i knew i was in the right and told him i was done. i told him we were breaking up and id come get my stuff soon.
i got my stuff while he was at work this past weekend and moved in with my best friend. im safe and happy now. things are looking so much better for me and im so thankful to my friends and family who supported me all the way to the end.
i just wanted to make this post because, i know its not mcelroy related, and a lot of ppl probably dont care for stuff like this on this kind of blog, but i think its important.
its important to friends and family of people in abusive relationships to be steady. dont give up your ground. even if the person keeps pushing back and wont leave the person, keep being there for them, it can take a long time, it took me almost 2 years to leave, it takes some people even longer, but just stay there for them and be there for them when they finally make that step. dont give up on them.
and to those who have been in these kinds of relationships, and especially those who are there right now: it is not your fault. it is so, so hard to leave, i know, but please try to find help and support and resources to do it. if all your friends dont like someone, theres a good reason for it. please dont fall into the trap of thinking your friends dont have the best intentions for you. there are so many things you may overlook in the moment that others can see from a mile away are horrible. especially if you have been abused in the past. its incredibly hard to tell what is a red flag when your gut instinct is that anything and everything is a red flag. surround yourself with people who you can trust and listen to them
and trust me, i know how hard it is when youre stuck in that spot of KNOWING you should go but fearing that first step away. its scary. its difficult. but it is worth it. find someone safe you can be with. and if you arent sure, find a reason to leave for just a few days, an excuse, anything. give yourself space from the abuser, tell yourself youre going back in a couple days, just get out from under the thumb long enough to clear your head and things will make more sense with the fog lifted.
when i first got in my car and put my kitten on my lap and told her we were going to my moms for a couple nights, i didnt know if that was the truth. i planned to come back and i knew i didnt want to. i only took enough stuff for a couple days. i couldnt imagine my life changing so drastically. where would i live? how would i make money? who take care of me? i had no clue about any of those things. but after a couple days away I realized i would take care of me. i remembered that i had worked jobs before i was with him, i could do it again. i remembered that i had options of where to live. all of those things were so clouded when i was with him, they felt like impossibilities. once i was away, even just for a short time, things were so much easier to parse.
and i know i had many privileges in this journey not everyone is afforded, and my heart goes out to those who read this and are in this situation and the options i had just arent accessible to you, i am so sorry, i wish i had something more to offer you but all i have is my story, and a wish that it gives you some hope at the very least, and a promise that if you need someone to talk to, im here, i will listen, and you will be heard and loved.
i just want everyone who reads to take something small but important away from it. love your friends, love yourself. please stay safe. please dont give up. remember love should not hurt.
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drfitzmonster · 5 years
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so i have literally no one i could tell this too but today this close fam friend came to visit my city from across the coast and i dont know him well but was showing him all the cool spots around this nice area and he was asking how i knew it so well and i replied that i had an ex that lived there a few yrs ago in the giant glass mansion across the way and he was like oh lets egg their house and i was like "lol no her dad is this crazy rich/famous dude and would sue me into poverty" jokingly 1/2
and then he laughed and we kept walking until a sec later when he stopped and was like “wait. she? your ex was a girl.. so youre queer then?” and i got freaked out cause he got quiet and i realized isaid she instead of they so i had to backtrack by saying it was casual and whatever andthats the vibe in a big city. but i just feel so gross and awful for lying abt her even if she was a badperson, i feellike i letdown wlw everywhere andjust feel so sad i couldnt talk abt the women i loved since 2/2
anyway sorry for crashing your askbox. i just got home and was on tumblr and havent stopped thinking about it and how sad it is that there are still places and people where who i love is a shock and an issue and a scandal and it makes me so sad bc ive told my fam but only in a casual way and they dont take it seriously i think so are whatever abt it but would flip out if i seriously told other people they knew. but its hard having to remember sometimes it isnt safe or ok to be honest like that.
i’m so sorry this happened to you. i’m so sorry that your family does not take you seriously and is not supportive. i know how much that hurts. 
but i want you to know that you absolutely did not let anyone down. you were just trying to protect yourself. no one can blame you for that. i have to do it sometimes too. please don’t beat yourself up for protecting yourself in that situation. 
i’m so sorry it made you feel gross and awful. it always hurts when you have to keep parts of yourself secret from people you should be able to trust and who are supposed to love you.
i really wish i could give you a hug right now (if you’re cool with hugs)
it hurts that we have to hide sometimes. that there are places and people that are not safe. 
the important thing to do is to find your sanctuary. a place where you can be where you feel like you belong, where you can be who you really are and people love and accept and celebrate that. 
in person, online, however and wherever that manifests, try to spend as much time there are possible. 
bc it’s so easy to forget your own value and worth when the world is so hostile to you. it’s easy to forget that you matter and that you deserve to be seen and heard and loved and supported. 
i don’t know how old you are, and you may already know this, but a common in-group term for members of the community is/was “family.” idk how much it’s used by younger people, but i can remember my mom (she’s in her 60s) and her friends using it a lot.
one of my favorite things about our community is our concept of family. we are not always born into our true families. sometimes we have to find them, to make them out of people who come into our lives and show us true love and acceptance. 
those are the people who deserve to know about you.
i know it hurts to have to hide, but it doesn’t make you a liar or a fraud, and you’re not letting anyone down. 
this may not mean much to you, but i care about you, and i’m proud of you, and i think you are strong and brave. i want you to be safe, most of all.
if you have no one else to talk to right now, you can talk to me. my inbox is always open, and i accept you just the way you are, and i will never judge you. especially not for protecting yourself from unsafe, untrustworthy people.
💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗
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ivydcmir-blog · 5 years
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☁☼☁( ****. simay barlas. cis female. 21 ). welcome back to your summer paradise, IVY DEMIR we were wondering when you’d finally show up! the town’s really missed how MESMERIZING you are, even if you can be a bit AMORAL at times. we hear back home they call you the CHERRY PIT, makes sense considering you remind everyone of IMPORTED CIGARETTES, OLD LOVE SONGS COMING FROM A RECORD PLAYER, PERFUME AT THE BASE OF A THROAT, & FAST CARS AT MIDNIGHT.  ☁☼☁    
oh she’s extra late to the party ! im she .... my name’s xan im 22 and from the est timezone i go by she / her pronouns and ur watching disney channel <3 i am....so excited to bring ivy to life ... shes been my sleep paralysis demon for weeks its time for me to set her free baby ! lets go !
first things first ivy is inspired by characters like effy from skins, georgina & serena from gossip girl, and just a TINY bit of villanelle from killing eve ( not the....assassin part.... ) 
her daddy’s side of the family are oil tycoons and her mom’s side ? well ivy has no idea what they do or who they were
basically a little after ivy turned a year old her mother just . poofed...vanished into thin air and didn’t leave a trace behind. growing up ivy would hear a lot of rumors from the staff abt what kind of person her mom was or where she went but the one person who could tell her the truth ( her dad ) just refused to talk abt it. he got super angry anytime she used to try so ivy stopped asking !
she was born in tokyo actually ( on her parents anniversary trip, which was another mystery ) but was raised in manhattan ! she is absolutely in love with nyc and definitely considers it her home
so shes filthy rich and i mean like ... disgusting billionaire rich to the point that it’s just not right and you know, that definitely shaped her upbringing. even as a little girl ivy found it very clear the amount of power she has just by being born into the right family 
she was....kind of a strange child ! she was abnormally sharp for her age and intuitive and without that maternal figure in her life, ivy grew very attached to her father. he’d even take her along to business meetings because she was well behaved
as she grew up it started to become apparent ivy liked to play games. the more she observed the people around her ( the staff, her dad, his business partners, the kids at school, etc. ) the better she got at finding out what made people tick. sometimes her games were harmless ( like flirting with the boys she knew her friends were crushing on ) and sometimes they were more intense ( like setting up empty pill bottles around her and pretending she’d overdosed to freak out the maids ) ask ivy why she did any of it and she’d simply tell you she was bored
high school ivy was very much reckless like this. she found the upper east side teen drama so dreary she’d often act out just for a change of pace. i’d like to think she broke the record for most detentions at whatever private school she went to. she was definitely someone just about everyone knew just because of all the rumors she stirred up doing crazy things 
despite all the misdemeanors she got into yale ! her dad is basically on of the biggest donors to the university. there’s probably a building somewhere on campus with her last name on it, but ivy really couldnt care less. she didnt exactly want to go to college and she definitely didnt want to leave nyc, but shes got this weird complex with her dad and really cannot tell the man no ! so she majors in classics just bc she thought it’d be neat to have to learn latin 
of course ... she starts to get bored. she’s already barely attending classes and on academic probation so when it leaks to the dean she’s sleeping with a professor ? ivy was sure it’d be expulsion.....but then it wasn’t ! turned out her dad had made a special deal with yale and after a nice monetary exchange it was like ivy never did anything....
after her dad announced he was going to turkey for his brother’s funeral last august she decided to "take a gap year” from yale but really she’s got no plan to ever go back ! instead she disappeared much like her mother did for a whole year without a trace. she told absolutely no one where she was going or what she was doing.....and she’s come back to the hamptons for the summer with no warning ! 
PERSONALITY & TIDBITS
so ivy is....all over the place ! most of the way she behaves is because she finds it a bit too easy to grow bored. still very much into playing games with people bc she gets a kick out of it ! it takes a lot for ivy to take anything seriously so she’s not exactly the best person to come to if you need advice or comfort. if you’re looking for excitement? trouble? an out of body experience ? then she is 100% your girl 
for someone so chaotic she is weirdly nostalgic and sentimental about things. she’s obsessed with greek heroes and foreign poets and superstitions and it’s not uncommon to find her getting existential with you with a cigarette dangling from her fingertips and a foggy look in her eyes. she’ll say something that seems entirely deep and profound one minute, and the next she’s blowing smoke in your face asking if you want to do a line in the bathroom with a wicked smile on her painted lips
a huge flirt ! she will and she does hit on absolutely everyone. definitely not the traditionally romantic type but she does go through phases where she tends to hyper fixate on others for specific periods of time. until she gets bored. it’s a vicious cycle
full of unhealthy habits that include drinking, smoking, doing drugs, fucking around, but the worst is how little she sleeps. she’s been prone to nightmares ever since she was a kid but she’s never acknowledged it as a problem despite it obviously being one
once she flew to paris with nothing but a cheap pink wig. wore it the whole time she was there and called herself yvette. 
picked up her father’s obsession with luxury cars. not only does she collect them, she races them, too. most infamous stint was showing up to a race in an evening gown and winning. 
speaks about five languages fluently. often likes to fuck with snobby rich people at high society events by pretending she can’t speak or understand english, only to turn around and speak to someone else in perfect english
it’s rumored she once snuck onto the yacht of a ceo to a fortune 500 company, only for him to find her in nothing but a bath towel eating chocolates while flipping through his playboy magazines, and that he was so taken with her instead of pressing charges he decided to name the boat after ivy.  
rumors are rumors, but you really never know with ivy....
thats it !!! if you’re reading this you made it !! please come plot with me i know im late but i have a lot of heart memes saved up and i cant use those by myself </3 we can message through im’s but im 100% easier to get in contact with over discord @  EL i love u 💖✨🌙#8172
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i’ve really not bothered to retain memories from the 28463875 hours i spent in sunday school but it was always fun when things got a little Edgy. 8 year olds challenging the notion that jesus never sinned or that you can only have altar Boys (i think you can find catholic churches who are wild and let girls do it but that’s like, woo! out there!!).....the time the priest stopped by and honest to god tried to delicately inform us that a woman’s divine duty / sacred calling was In The Home or being a nun (i knew cool nuns. only silver lining in all this)........when one teacher one year was down with more informal discussions and got Real with us fifth? sixth? graders that people had marital sex For Fun and not just the ~intent to conceive~..........one time even my mom questioned having our Saint Of The Year For The Girls being a martyr who died rather than be raped b/c like, virginity right? not that that’s actually why these “died rather than be raped” girls died but certainly the Interpretation pushed on you is the “die rather than be Impure b/c of sexual assault!!” oh god and when the daughter of a pretty flanders-y lady had a lecture for all us gals in which she explained why wearing revealing clothing was bad b/c you owe it to your Future Cishet Man Soulmate that the bared flesh of your shoulders will be a sight unseen to all others except for him. even my mom took issue with that too lmao....not because she didn’t think it was inappropriate for anyone to glimpse your brastrap but b/c she thought Modest Dress should be about your Own self worth. i can’t believe i honestly must’ve spent hundreds of hours in this experience because i retain So little specific memories. good god
again, the nuns were the silver lining but that was not related to sunday school, that was related to my mom becoming an oblate which is like, a formal Assistant Of The Nuns. the nuns were great and said “ass” and ordered cocktails. wild ones
oh the other silver lining was that i could get brownie points re: Totally Proper Catholic Lmfao and Yes Willingly Spending Time Around My Mom when she was choir director and i jumped into the choir. have to go to church every fucking sunday? at least you get the nice view in the loft and don’t have to risk some randos trying to hold your hand during the Lords Prayer. i’m a tenor which means of Course i learn and retain the harmony right the hell off while the sopranos need to hear the melody 84 times and the basses never learn what the fuck they’re supposed to be doing. i had a ball singing and knowing said tenor harmonies and singing loud so in retrospect between that and the 4th grade scenes from julius caesar and i was cassius and how much fun i had doing ballet productions and being onstage and the one theatre elective in 7th grade and the constant general idea it’d it’s like oh yeah, too bad i couldntve gotten involved in drama class in high school with how obvious it is in retrospect i’dve had a bit of fun doing it.
trying to think of any classic “not cishet and trying to pretend you’re a proper catholic” experiences i had.........i mean that was just Life Constantly but like, nothing that entertaining. just having to get the hell up at 7am every sunday after being up late to talk to my gay friends, or i guess thanks for Absolute Nothing when all a sudden all the mass phrases were updated but i hadnt heard b/c i didnt go when i was away at school and didnt know what my mom was talking abt when she asked what i thought about it
i guess One gender thing is that what with the knowing im a tenor through Choir At Church this one time my bud tried to say i couldnt be a tenor b/c only guys can be tenors and i got very steamed i tell you. it was part Gender and part “that’s the god damn range of my voice idk what to tell you”
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rint4rous · 5 years
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meeting the parents: karmelle
(this is so long hhhh)
karma met the (step)mom first
he already sorta met her in the summer trip since she was one of the assassins in the hotel
but they properly met when he comes over anielle’s house after school
as anielle unlocks the door karmas ready for her little siblings running up to her and welcoming her home and saying hi to him
but to his surprise its a woman with her arms crossed thats there when they walk in
wowie ! its arime kiriya !
anielle seems unbothered and ignores that her mom looks mad as shes taking off her shoes
“didnt know youd be home today”
“daichi says you skipped training for a week again.”
“daichi says a lot of things especially about me, probably to stray you from the fact hes failing one of his classes”
theres a screech from the kitchen
“?!!???!! SHES LYING DONT LISTEN TO HER”
arime just sighs, shaking her head
meanwhile karmas standing there like …?? um ok
as hes taking his shoes off, arime notices him
“oh, the boyfriend.”
ani: um??? no??? hes not??? my boyfriend???
“this is karma,,,”
“is he staying for dinner??”
karmas kinda panicking and his Respecful Mode is ON
hes not really intimidated, she just seems like a ‘normal’ mom to him but at the same time ..
this .. arime kiriya might be a pro assassin but before that she’s still anielle’s mom
he doesn’t really care about first impressions
so he has no idea why hes worrying now
“i usually do, unless you don’t want me to??”
“oh no no i would have insisted you stay if you said no”
anielle grabs karmas wrist
“call us down when foods ready”
shes dragging him up the stairs
she lets go of his wrist when they got in her room and shes like
“yeah um,, thats my mom,, i didnt know she would be home”
“shes different from what i expected?? from the trip she seemed more intimidating”
“oh shes actually pretty nice ?? we get in playful arguments sometimes but yeah even though shes not always at home she tries her best”
dinner time !
anielle said they werent together but arime could tell that even tho they werent tgt yet there was something there
arime asks karma a few questions as they’re eating and when karma answers, his tone’s polite and tame
anielle notices this
she finds it a little amusing, but honestly cute more than anything
when karma goes home arime says
“he seems like a good kid. you like him?”
ani, blushing: ?!??!!?! n-no
arime: ok sure
after that karma sees arime whenever shes home
he usually comes over anielles house so
but on the times that ani doesnt come home with karma, arime invites him for dinner
he says yes every time
arime always refers to him as the boyfriend though
not your boyfriend, but THE boyfriend
“you gonna invite the boyfriend over?” “how’s the boyfriend?” “ask the boyfriend if he wants to eat dinner with us”
anielles like please stop calling him that (1) he isnt my bf and (2) even if he was it sounds so weird and lame
(when karmelle start officially dating though she refers to him as karma)
karma eventually gets comfortable that he drops the Timid Tone and starts talking like himself
arimes not shocked at the change
HHH she looked thru the poor kid’s records and looked him up after they met because she has to know abt him if hes gonna end up with her daughter so she knew abt his personality and was waiting for it to show
arime’s honestly amused by him but she likes him and still thinks hes a good kid
he gets invited to their training sometimes
and sometimes gets to spar with arime he almost beat her once
as for ani’s (birth) mom, karma goes with anielle to the cemetery whenever she asks for mental support because sometimes it gets a little too much for her
the first time he went was after the incident with shiro
anielle wasnt planning on bringing him, but he insisted
he couldnt leave her alone, not after the emotional torture shiro put her through
when she broke down in his arms, he knew coming with her was the best decision, even if she didnt like the idea at first
the dad .. he met him three months after arime
karma knew that he was in the ministry of defense and is friends with karasuma, but was dealing with things overseas
thats all he really knew, he was expecting someone like karasuma
karma and ani were just playing a game tgt
then they hear the doorknob rattling ?!??!?!
out of instinct, anielle grabs the gun she keeps under the sofa hjgfhjksd
shes walking slowly towards the door gun in hand
the door opens
“i swear to god yuto i told you to stop doing that.. stop trying to scare the kids and open the door anielles gonna accidentally shoot you one of these days” arime scolds him as they walk in
yuto just laughs
anielle drops the gun and runs to hug her dad,, she hasnt seen him in months
“see! she had a damn gun ready!” arime sighs, pulling their luggage in
she sees karma “oh hi karma!! how you been?”
“good,,”
“so you’re karma? are you gonna join us for lunch?”
karmas like this is like meeting arime all over again
man he never thought his Respectful and Polite Mode would make a comeback but here he is
HHH karma: no fear
yuto: hi
karma: one fear
“yes sir”
anielles trying so hard not to laugh,, she cant believe karma just called her dad SIR HRKHHKJJKH
she and arime are silently snickering together while karma sits there as yuto studies him
“i’ll go start making the food,,” arime heads to the kitchen
“elly, go help your mom”
karma and anielle knew it was to get karma alone with him,, ani doesnt argue and goes to the kitchen
“arime and karasuma told me a lot about you.”
“oh”
yuto asks karma questions, but they arent Extra ykno
hes not Overly Protective, but hes more protective of ani because out of the two oldest, he knows anielle was affected by their mothers death most and took longest to get over it
he just wants to get to know karma
after arime karma was expecting the dad to be like her except more strict and intimidating but
for arime, it took two months for him to drop the timid tone
for yuto, it took an hour
hes still answering politely, but now hes including some snarky remarks as a joke and is talking in his usual tone
arime calls them for lunch
they all talk while eating and karma could tell the dad likes him too
hes just happy he got both of anis parents to like him
anielle met karmas parents like two weeks after graduation,, meaning karmelle are tgt now
she decided to tag along when karma went to the airport when they were coming back from a trip
he said they were coming back for a bit to spend time with him and to congratulate him for graduating
anielle didnt really know what to expect
shes looking at her phone when she hears a “karma!!!!”
she looks up and sees a woman waving at karma and a man beside her
as they’re approaching, his mom notices anielle beside him
“oh you came with... your girlfriend?”
“hi, i’m anielle!” ani greets. “i hope i’m not being a bother by being here?”
“not at all! i didn’t know our karma had a girlfriend?? since when??”
“we haven’t been together for long, but we met during our second year,,”
his mom turns to karma, “you dont tell your folks anything nowadays”
karma just shrugs
anielle shares brief greetings and conversations with his dad, the mom talks more
they dropped off their things and anielle stays for an hour and leaves so they can settle in
she gets invited to eat out with them the next day
(bruh all of these involve eatinf i am so original)
she gets to really talk with his parents
karmas mom jokes around like “our problem child managed to get himself a girl!!! he’s a real handful, isn’t he?”
anielle laughs it off, “hes tiring to deal with sometimes, but i manage. you learn to have patience with him”
karma: Bruh
ani came over sometimes, and she got to know the parents better (and vice versa, they just dont know shes a hitman)
they really like her, she keeps karma in check and they think she brings out the best in him,, shes reckless and chaotic just like karma but if she needs to, shes able to stop karma from doing stupid things and he actually listens so
his parents arent the kind that are like “wanna see karmas baby pics” to embarass him hes thankful
after a month they leave again
ani got their numbers, and the mom texts her from time to time to check up on karma (and her !!)
(karma doesnt know this)
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nintxndos · 5 years
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an nsfw ask meme (hide ur eyes kiddos)
I was looking through my blog and saw I answered this ask meme back in 2016 and the answers are preeetttyyyy different so I thought i would give it a go again
1. Are you a virgin? nope havent been for a hot minute now
2. Does anyone besides you know your bra/penis size? Yes ive mentioned it to my bff a few times lmfao
3. Do you know anyone who has any STDs? Yeah my fucking dad (actually it may have been an sti but still)
4. Were you married when you first lost your virginity? nope lmfao
5. Do you swear under celibacy? nah man
6. When did you first lose your virginity? If you haven't, when would you like to? ugh back in 2016 not a good time tbh
7. Have you ever gotten tricked into aphrodisiacs or alcohol for sex? nope
8. Have you walked in on someone masturbating/having sex? Yeah my parents when I was 5 amd I still remember it vividly
9. Have you ever seen someone masturbate or have sex with their permission? yes I quite enjoy it tbh
10. Where is the weirdest place you have had sex? the couch in my boyfriends parents house when everyone was home
11. If you had to chose one, would you have outdoor sex or car sex? car sex bc I dont want grass in my asshole
12. When was the age you first masturbated? Whether you knew it or not? probably 14 or 15
13. Have you ever helped someone "finish"? yes I really love it too
14. Have you ever had an erection in the past month? (clitorial counts, too) I dont know?
15. When was the last time you have had an erection? (clitorial counts, too) didnt know this was a thing tbh lmfao
16. Have you ever had an erection and someone noticed? gonna take a guess and say no
17. What is your method of masturbation? (ie. toys, clitorial, prostate) clitoral
18. What is your bra/penis size? 38DD
19. Has anyone seen your private parts other than yourself or a family member? yes
20. What is the strangest thing you have ever put up your vagina/anus? a boys dick ayyy
21. Do you like rough sex or intimate sex better? rough sex gets me fucked UP (though intimate is nice too)
22. When was the last time you masturbated? uhhh 2 days ago maybe?
23. When was the last time you had sex? god two weeks ago and im dying i swear
24. When was the last time you watched porn? a few days ago maybe
25. Have you ever bought a sex toy? If so, which one did you buy last? First sex toy? If not, which one do you plan on buying when you do? yes i have y first was a little blue bullet and the most recent is a vibrating dildo
26. Guys: Circumsized? not male
27. Which not-genital part of your body do you like being touched? thighs and neck fuckkk
28. Which genital part of your body do you like being touched? the clit baby!!
29. Girls: Are you able to achieve orgasm just through breast stimulation? nope though wow good for the ladies who can
30. What color/type of underwear are you wearing? blue panties and a floral bra
31. Have you ever sent someone a picture or video of you in the nude? Did it include sexual actions? absolutely
32. Have you ever posted a picture of image of you in the nude on a website? Did it include sexual actions? nope
33. Have you ever anonymously sent/posted a picture or video of yourself in the nude? Did it include sexual actions? nope
34. Have you anonymously sent a sexual ask to someone on tumblr? nope
35. When was the last time you have had a wet dream? maybe a week or so ago?
36. Which wet dream was your favorite? not sharing lmfao
37. Is there a friend you would willingly have sex with? well im currently dating my best friend of 7/8 years
38. Is there a celebrity/character you would willingly have sex with? yes
39. Have you ever masturbated with someone? yeah
40. Have you ever took a shower with someone that is not a family member? no :'----( I dont even wanna fuck in the shower I just want my back washed
41. Favorite sexual position? If you are a virgin, which position interests you? honestly i love missionary
42. Do you like being called a slut or whore in bed? Fuck yes
43. Are you into any BDSM? god yeah
44. Have you ever wanted to have sex with someone but knew you couldnt for any reason? Why? yes because we live 3 hours away 😪😪
45. Turn on's? choking, spanking, being called names, ropes
46. Turn off's? age play is a no go
47. Have you ever had a sexual fantasy about someone? Was it about anyone other than your lover? yes i have and since we started dating absolutely not
48. Have you ever had phone sex? Video sex? Chat box sex? yes like all the time the (since he lives 3 hours away)
49. What was the weirdest thing that has ever turned you on? uhhh I cant think of anything right now tbh
50. Do you like dirty talk? oh fuck yeah
51. Are you loud or quiet during sex? Masturbation? usually quiet bc i have to but I love being loud for my boyfriend
52. Have you ever been inturrepted during sex or masturbation? Who/what? yeah someone came downstairs and started yelling abt something, also my bf and I were fucking on the couch and the remote fell over
53. Most embarressing sex/masturbation story? god my exs mom walked in right after I gave him a blow job and she was like "what are you kids doing?"
54. Most hilarious sex/masturbation story? bruh my bf and i were trying to fuck and we had to watch his sisters dog (like in the room) and she started trying to sniff his ass it was so fucking funny he jumped off me
55. What kind of porn do you like to watch? I dont really watch porn anymore tbh
56. First type of porn you have ever watched? (ie. lesbian, hentai, threesome) leabian for sure
57. What was the most recent type of porn you have ever watched? What category was it under? uhhh threesome I think
58. Most hilarious/stupidest porn you have ever watched? dude this man had a pizza around his dick and the chicks grandpa deadass had a heartattack and she still rode him
59. Have you ever fantasized over someone older than you? How much older? Younger? How much younger? chris evans tbh (older by a hot second)
60. Favorite sex toy (if any)? I quite like my purple dildo
61. Have you ever had to break up with/divorce someone because you weren't satisfied with their sex? nah
62. Have you ever used anything/gotten any surgeries to improve sexual performance/feel? nope and probably never will
63. If someone you knew asked for a nude image, would you do it? What about a tumblr follower? yes for my boyfriend anytime but not for any of yall sorry
64. Have you ever told someone any wet dreams/fantasies you've had about them? yes my bf is a fan of them
65. Do you like to have sex like they do in pornos? no bc I have real orgasms (finally!!!)
66. Have you ever confessed to someone that you got an erection over them? What about masturbated to them? yes I tell my bf and we have phone sex at least once a week
67. Are you able to be secretive when you masturbate? (like able to be quiet so no one can hear?) yeah I kinda have to
68. When was the first time you achieved orgasm? when i was 15 I was literally sitting on a closed toilet in my house bc I shared a room at the time w my sister so i had no choice
69. Is there only one way so far that you have been able to achieve orgasm? (ie. only by using toys, only from 1 positon,only from masturbating a certain way) nah I can do clitoral, clitoral/penatrative, and just penetration
70. Favorite type of oral? the kind w his tongue on my pussy?
71. Strangest sexual positon you've tried? havent really done any strange positions
72. Have you ever made up a sexual postion? not that I'm aware of
73. Girls: During sex, vaginal or anal? vaginal i fucking hate anal
74. Girls: During masturbation, clitorial, vaginal, or anal? clitoral
75. Do you like to be dominant or submissive? I love being a whiny sub
76. Have you ever masturbated to someone? yes
77. Have you ever masturbated because your sexual partner wasn't there when you needed them? god yes that is why I usually masturbate
78. Have you ever had a one night stand? Do you still keep in contact with them? yes and absolutely not
79. Have you ever had a friends with benefits? Are they still beneficial? yes and no
80. Have you ever had sex with someone who wasnt your partner? not while we were dating no, but ive had sex w people who arent him
81. Has any of your partners had sex with someone else? yes
82. Have you ever gotten pregnant? Were they your lover's or someone else's? nope though ive had a scare or two
83. Birth control or condoms? birth control
84. Do you ever masturbate to porn? not really anymore
85. Does anyone know you masturbate? Did you have to tell them? yes and not really?
86. Did your parents ever find out you were sexually active? yup
87. Do you have any STDs? nope
88. Have you ever masturbated to a fictonal character or celebrity? yeah when i was like 15/16
89. Have you ever had sex during "7 minutes in heaven"? nope never even played bc its lame
90. Spit or swallow? Or do you not like oral? I swallow if he cums in my mouth but i love getting it on my faceeee
91. Have you ever been rejected for sex? Have you ever rejected someone else? nope and yes
92. Do you have someone who said they are willing to take away your virginity if you havent lost it by a set age or if you just want to have a good time? no
93. Have you ever experimented with the opposite sex? yes
94. When you first lost your virginity, was it intended or spontanious? intended bc thats the only way we ever had sex unfortunately
95. Has anyone ever walked in when you were taking a shower with someone? nah
96. Did you ever tell someone once you lost your virginity? yeah I literally called my best friend (current boyfriend)
97. Does your lover know if you have masturbated? yes
98. Does your lover know that you want to have sex with them but cant? yes!! we dont live together and we are constantly horny it sucks!!!!
99. Do you like masturbation? eh
100. (Asker's ask) If i were to ask you if we could have sex, would you say yes? nope sorry
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fairyharps · 5 years
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hello!! i just finished kh3 so below are my thoughts. obviously, spoiler warning if you havent finished the game.
first of all...... wow!!!!!!!!!! its real!!!!!!! i held the game in my own hands and played it!!!!!!!!! 12 year old me has been screaming non stop since the release im in a fog of emotion. every time i started up the game and heard that new kh3 rendition of dearly beloved with the ocean waves i just absolutely lost it
however, in the end, i feel mixed. i guess the hype over the years built up to an astronomical amount and while the game was incredibly fun and beautiful and i love seeing the story finally pan out into the finale, in a way it also felt very short? as of writing the first few paragraphs here i have just started san fransokyo, so i havent seen the actual finale, but these are my current thoughts and i will update this as i play. i still feel like there is so much more that is going to happen and ive barely even scratched the surface
theres a lot of new information that got me going WILD. piecing everything together & theorizing is always something i find fun about kingdom hearts since its so unpredictable. in fact i got so into it i had to start taking notes and making diagrams. i love a game that makes me bust out a notebook. (i do this for hm/sos/stardew and acnl as well lmao)
also every single time ienzo came on screen i went absolutely HOG WILD. when he laughed? the little laugh?? his smile?????? just thinking about it now is making me misty eyed fellas i love my boy
the implication that demyx, luxord (was his name always pronounced luke-sord??? i always said luck-sord wtf), and obviously marluxia and larxene's somebodies are from before the keyblade war is out of control!!!! vexen and demyx being double agents for ansem the wise?? ANSEM THE WISE'S REUNION WITH IENZO!!!!!!!!?????????? also zemyx is real sdfjsdlkfjsdlkfsdlkfjsdlkf jk
uHHHHHHH VENTUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MY BABY MY SONION!!!!!!!! AND AQUA!!!!!!!!!! I'M SO EMOTIONAL!!!!!!!!!!!! im honestly losing my mind everything is coming together aaaaaaaaaaaa literally seeing ventus looking SO BEAUTIFUL is making me lose my mind AND UHH AQUA.... REALIZING SHES IN THE WORLD OF LIGHT...........DAMN U NOMURA FOR MAKING ME FEEL
S-SAIX................................. I LOVE EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!
i felt very mixed about the paopu sharing scene. while i know this ship was always going to be endgame, i really hate how little development it actually gets throughout the Whole Series so instead it feels So forced. that scene is bone dry. the whole time i was wondering why they werent including riku since he was like.. 20 feet away.... like hes your best friend too guys.... i really am unable to understand this scene. like... nomura you KNOW how to write compelling relationships so what happened buddy. woody and buzz had more romantic tension than sora and kairi. also like when she leads him into the light or whatever.. whats the deal
i LOVE kairi but god. can you PLEASE let her do SOMETHING????? CAN I PLAY AS KAIRI??? im so tired of her being reduced to a damsel even when she has a weapon shes supposedly adept with now. she has had like.............. no development. im so sorry this happened to you kairi
im surprised there arent more worlds. i thought there would be the same or a greater number of disney worlds as kh2 but theres actually fewer?? and they feel much longer, or at least some of them do. worlds like the caribbean and toybox felt gigantic and took me forever while corona and monstropolis felt smaller. and some of the worlds you cant even fully explore until after you played through the story????
also im very intrigued about this new female character that keeps getting mentioned vaguely. i suspect there will be some intense retcons put in place abt her since she has NEVER been mentioned before dispite it seeming like shes very important. 
the final world place is very interesting conceptually but like how many times in this series am i going to have to collect soras lmao ALTHO i loved hearing from namine ;_; i miss u sweet girl
also uhh i could write for forever about sora as a character and how complex he is when you actually think abt it. i STILL see ppl saying riku is more interesting as a character but i feel like ppl only look at soras optimistic outlook. sora really keeps his feelings locked up way more than you think he would & not only that but hes so empathetic he ends up tackling everyone else's feelings too.. the idea that he is only powerful or useful because he has friends really hammers in how he says "my friends are my power" like.. every 5 seconds.. god  i love u but pls take a break for a Second. i just want him to go home and hug his mom
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ok i just finished. like 5 mins ago. im still trying to like.. register what happened. the final act really packed a LOT together. i feel like theres too much to even mention right now. and theres still SO many questions. 
like i said before, i feel mixed. while there was a LOT to like about this game, there was also a lot that i did not like or was confused/put off by. i thought the first like, 2/3 of the game was too long and kind of boring sometimes? i couldnt handle in arendelle how they included the songs.. i get why they did it but it was NOT for me. the disney worlds kind of dragged on and, outside of the story connections to the finale, felt a little pointless. nothing happened other than the org popped in to egg on sora and then left. and the final act went by SO QUICKLY i didnt feel like there was enough time to register all the shit that was happening. also i fucking HATE how after everything, kairi was reduced to a damsel YET AGAIN. are you KIDDING ME!!!!!!!!! everything she does is off-screen and her "death" acts as a motivation for sora which is the worst way to do things like what the fuck
i personally really liked the game, even if parts were not as i initially expected. there was a lot of hype surrounding this game, but i think for what it was, it was as enjoyable to play as any kh game, and it delivered a lot of emotions, answered a few questions, created more questions, and wrapped up the dark seeker saga pretty nicely while still leaving room for future stories to be told. and BOY do i have some questions!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
people who dont like how convoluted, dramatic, weird,  tropey  or heavily-retconned the plot is might think its bad. but ppl have thought kh in general is bad for those reasons for years anyway. honestly while these are all things that i can understand and empathize with, in the end for me its about how it makes me feel rather than like, how well it follows storytelling rules? and it sure made me feel a Lot. like im saying this as a long-time superfan so lmao
anyway i cried a lot for a very long time about the following: old man yaoi, ventus and roxas being in the same shot, how everyone looks rendered in beautiful next-gen hd, lea isa  and xions new outfits, namixi date, uhhh seasalt trio finally got to go to the beach together, namine being ALIVE, all the shit everyone said after i beat them in the labrynth, how often everyone cried in this game, sora uhhh not existing??? what happened????? is this what the next game is going to be about??? 
THANKS NOMURA FOR MY FUCKING LIFE????????
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misterbitches · 3 years
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@flootweed ​
ATOTS
That's super fucking romantic? Like tragic but in a nice way. i love that shit. i'm a monogamous slut for romance pghiosuag even tho we have to learn to live alone too but it's just like the NOTION is nice?!??! awwww i told my mom that SOPHIE's gf was like "she died taking a picture of the moon" and how it was like idk. the gf was just processing it and she thought it was romantic and my mom was like "wow.....depressing" bc think she thought it was stupid millenial shit i was like no mother doent u see she died in the BEAUTY LMAO but then i told her jessica walter's husband died the year before and then she died and she was like "aw...kind of romantic" LMAOOOO i guess two people have to die. why did i tell this story? i am so sorry. the show ended today right (ep 10?) i didn't realize it was that short. so i hope it was a happy ending? (tell me) i understand why you love the atmos! it's like, not really been done. there's this BL that i hear isn't too great but it does take place in a rural part of thailand and there's way less budget. a lot of ppl seem to like it. ep 6 LW / LW in gen gotta be honest, rushed through it. i knew spoilers from jump cause BL spoilers are just absolutely nothing and sometimes ur just like i need to know. i do not understand the ~silently lookin 4 u~ trope it always backfires and is also DUMB. so happy about tiffy. a girl who likes girls but ends up with a man bc of mommy and also the man is ok....it's me. she's gorgeous and actually [h*lf] gay so it's great. god ok i feel so old again. lmaooo but i was like obsessed with lady gaga for that reason (dont ask...also how i got kinda popular on tumblr way back in the day) and shes just absolutely fucking beautiful and bad ass. (which kind of doesnt helpcos they r all skinnty but that's FINEEEE) right? i mean like i guess cos we knew abt it? i can see why he was so pissed off, too? i mean i'm so fucking like...sensitive to being told what to do so i was angry for him from jump. i guess i was also looking at it different wholetime cos i knew the spoilers? i'm assuming u did too lmao. so we knew hed be pissed and leave. and frankly that's what sib gets. just for you my friend i will watch it and update. i think MANY times in shows in gen but it is something you notice a lot in BL bc they are just absolute novices most times. in this case, gene's actor mostly well (and i like him as a person just cos he was on that thai 3 girls in a car show and used to date on eof them lmao) can act so i will look over that scene to see how sib's actor plays off him. but the pausing in between sentences or for so long even decent actors or actors doing better. kao is not bad, not great so they will talk slowly because dramatic acting but the problem is most times it's too long. even if the person is an adept actor it won't always work and YES THEN THAT MEANS THE EDITOR COMES IN AND SNIP SNIP SNIP! it's too long. and sometimes it just does not work even if you can act. but it is GLARING when they cant or are average (someoe said this about tharntype and my god lmao tharn..is...so...slow...in...talking...the actor idk his name it's one of em, the other one with the nose (type) is....different not better but he certainly does not talk as slow. they arent bad but they are not good so.) also sometimes they are forgetting their lines. some ppl find this charming. clearly we do not lmao. what is their relation? what is going on there? i don't have a problem with stepbrothers as long as they didn't grow up with that sibling bond. many times blended families really have to watch out for that kind of fraternizing but it's always when theyre older and teenagers bc they didnt grow up w/ each other....i mean they have chemistry so i'm whatever. but. hennYYWAYYYS.actually it's bc im an idiot i didn't read it as Mhok (singular) and aey's father. Yes and his sister who i think i may hate? im like bitch okkkkkk but. his name is lhong. and he is a psycho. i mean so is type. so. oooh it could be that he stole! but also i'm pretty sure cos hes gay lol or did they
not make that explicit? the thing is i had to skip through most of that scene too because the drama was WAY too much for me. too much. lmao. the sister thing i got and it made sense and iliked that. oh yea he is gay and they know. that's a big one.
WBL
haven’t watched color rush! did you like it? i have seen wyel, parts of mr heart, and ofc to my star :) 
ohhhhhh ok. i get you. yea he definitely wasn’t being ooc cos i think that....what u said. and also like....ugh i cant even think rn. i like sam lin a lot so i like gao shi de but i gotta say. lmao. hm. first of all. yes it is creepy what he did. it’s fucking weird. and sad that his whole life revolves around him. it’s not as fucking weird as LW but still like when he did the door thing. i was like UMMMMMMMMM cos i really didnt want it to be constructed. and when it was i was like imma suspend my disbelief. but if anyone dared...
and so what he did in s2 i think he just couldnt realize that he was loved back which is why it’s good he WAS ALONE for 5 yrs imo. but he gave shu yi 0 choice and for that i am pretty sure i would be even angrier. i do think though that the father’s role is pretty important but i can see how the show is like....letting that go? bc as fucking weird as GSD is, he was still like...20? i guess and shu yi’s dad is like. crazy? i am also like he really had to fucking start a company to get noticed like are u joking? is it also that easy? and also why? lmao i just. ugh. i think that probs bothered me the most...priorities.
i like the show! well idk if i love it but sure. i think it’s decent lmao. i understand what you’re saying. for here it bothers me less but i certainly don’t think it was OOC. immature and stupid but like...that’s.....what they are. i also don’t have a problm with the timing from a technical point.
however, when i started the show? i had NO clue what concept of time it was. and that was very annoying. tehy redeemed it bc of the comedy aspects (the first time shu yi sees shi de is so fucking good, i really loved the shot and editing; it’s hilarious and silly) and i started to go with the flow of the show through that. but the fucking concept of time in the show in general esp with repetitive outfits (i understand that they are more likely to wear multiple outfits as well, it’s just that you have to split it up or it i sconfusing visually and looks like the same scene twice or just a full day of shooting which it could be but then something should change in the clothes. this is just an ex~~*~*) and partof that is they have this already controlled narrative i guess. 
i have to admit as well...i skipped episode 1. and most of 2. i was like i rly dont want to see someone slap a pereson even if they were like. not together. it’s just not cute also not in front of ppl. and then when they were yelling and bla bla i was like listen ladies lets calm down. too much angst in a boring way. what they have now is good. also they should probably like estrange the father but i doubt they will. 
i cannot make up my mind totally now bc i see what ur saying i guess i just don’t feel that way as much but i guess i have to think about it more, too. i do think he was contorlling in getting him or like when he didnt want shu yi to find out whwatshisface liked him. i guess for me it would be if he is still that way in the rship. but even tho he’s at fault for what happened, i’m also like but his dad? but also like...did he try? why did he just stop contacting? but then i guess he emailed everyday? DO U C MY QUANDARY.
alsoi have to say i do not care abt their backdoor being opened lmao like wow business? no thanks
LMAO. did they cry a lot in UWMA? i only know the teamwin parts. which one is fluke the really pale one who died? idk what it is about that kid but i just cant watch him. it’s not his fault it’s mine.
DUDE i still dont understand the husband and wife thing and ive looked into it multiple times. ive kinda just classified it as one of those things that make me uncomfortable but arent problematic lol. it you have any insight about it id love to hear it tho !!
it’s stupid. that’s what it is (husband and wife.) it’s just something they say like many gay couples may use pejoratives in conjunction with them, the f word etc. or even imply something about being a top and a bottom. whatever. but these arent gay spaces or gay storylines. sure gay men may direct them but since BL operates and relies on patriarchy without a doubt and also stereotypes poorly kathoeys or won’t cast trans women in anything substantial and use them as jokes (and see this is one of those things where it’s like...ud never see this in the US tho like our concept of third gender or kathoeys but life stillBOOOOO.) so it’s just useless when they put it into the scripts because it’s for people to consume and lots of girls are. obviously. so the idea that if you are being penetrated and u r the wife and this is used like literally anywhere but not from gay or whatever men is gross. are cis women’s vaginas sieves to them? are trans women not women? do we have to categorize people by PHALLIC OBJECTS IN OUR BODIES SPECIFICALLY A WOMAN? it dont make no sense. plus really most ppl just experiment, there’s more ways than one to have sex, we have lives so most times it’s not just full penetration for hours anyway. it’s just so gross. like oh that’s really funny lol ur the wife cos his dick goes in ur butt XD i get it, same. i say “i’m wife’ whenever there’s a penis in me. fucking kill me. it’s not a big deal but it’s just dumb and gross. if they use it they could try and subvert it too like i like how my engineer has  a whole absurdly stupid episode about it. but in TT the dad says “if ur the wife i wont accept it” and i was like u know what gals? im good. goodbye.
pgojaihousgajigko THAT’S SOOOOOOO OOWIEOFUGHOIJ WEIRD. FANDOM IS REALLY WEIRD. i have read rpf and written it once upon a time but dont do it anymore  uch. i mean it’s weird. no doubt about that. invasive, weird, strange. but very unreal anyway. it is. plus i dont like celebs or fame and think of it as a gross capitalist scheme so i had to stop (also so weird?) but i know very many people like lean in. lean in. LEAN IN. this youtuber i watch did a video on like insanely popular ships (like that 1d one) and their insane fandoms and i just couldnt. it’s so embarrassing? and then they’re so bold????? about it? 
yea it would be cool (more queer men or visibly we should say or like out whatever.) but it doesnt necessarily mean that will be good or beneficial i guess? i mean like. i dont know. so much about the genre is about wish fulfilment for young girls. its literally selling some fantasies because the other thing is for BL (i read a paper on this...) esp for girls in more conservative societies they cna maybe replace themselves in the character? but they may not feel a threat as a woman or like their life will fall apart if they engage in sexual things with anyone really. and that’s where i’m like....for a lot of these are they just writing a story and just replacing two men? bc they also seem to think it owrks like that. and in a way that’s what it is bc of the writing and how they use certain terms. you can tell the piece is about pushing a product and less about the real affects of a story. i think ITSAY is a great example of a really intelligent great piece of work that contains multitudes. and the girl was amazing. it just depends on the goal. and for most of the ppl the goal isnt...to do anything. so i dont know. idk how to talk abt representation anymore. it both is and isnt.
 i really liked tingting from my engineer a lot (idk if u have seen) she’s so fun and unapologetic. i love how much she drinks and if someone tells her to be ladylike she says no. and i appreciate that in the show when girls were rude to her she said nothing about the girls but said “NO IM NOT LUCKY TO HAVE ALL MALE FRIENDS?” i really want to see her more in the next season. obviously tiffy is goat. super excited to see how their rship develops.
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